#like how is anyone genuinely learning from this

[with-my-calamitous-love]

your arms are reaching / your eager heart is throbbing

k. bakugou, s. todoroki, i. midoriya x f! reader

how he reacts after learning his pretty girl struggles to get orgasms ꕥ smut 18+, timeskip characters, please read responsibly.

for the girls (like yours truly) who unfortunately struggle with this. don’t worry! communication! you deserve to cum!!!

song: couldn’t make it any harder

katsuki bakugou

- as everyone already knows, he will take any sort of test or opposition and stomp it into the ground. he’s the best, the greatest. not only is this another chance to prove how infuriatingly talented it is, but a chance to get you screaming his name and aching for him.

- the very first time he goes down on you, he’s so cocky and sure he’ll make you feel amazing. he lifts his head from your thighs and finds your face hasn’t moved an inch. “you gonna cum?” “uhm… no.” “WHAT!?”

- once you explain it to him, he’s seeing it as a challenge

- he finds communication so sexy. though 90% of the time he seems like a jackass who never listens, he’s far more perceptive than anyone could imagine. he learns not only your words but your body, the signs that you’re enjoying it or when you’re loosening up to him. as much as it is a fun challenge for him, his determination proliferates once he sees the frustrated tears boil over in your eyes.

- “calm down, babe. i’ve got you.”

he’s laying behind you, sideways on the bed while one strong arm lifts your leg up. his cock slowly pistons in and out of your pussy at a tortuous pace, his free hand rubbing circles on your clit while he has you feeling every inch of him. he’s fingered you for close to an hour before finally deciding you were wet enough to take him, all of him.

“hows this?” his voice is gruff in your ear. you know, by the scratch in his throat, that holding back is killing him. that if it were up to him, he’s have your face in the pillows wrecking your insides. but this isn’t about him. its about you, making your brain melt and toes curl from pleasure.

theres a hot coil in your stomach, about to snap at any moment. your nails dig into the sheets, clinging to anything, knowing that it could be his back you’re scratching up. you want to tell him to let go, to start fucking you rough and passionate the way he has always been, but you also know that this is the longest and most potent pleasure session you’ve had in a long time. you feel yourself gushing around his cock, sucking him in greedily. you’re buzzing, body warm with satisfaction but a lingering need to feel him ravage you.

“you can go faster.” you grit your teeth, looking back at him over shoulder. he shifts to move on top of you, placing a kiss to your cheek and forehead before reinserting himself with little resistance. your legs wrap around his legs like a magnet, whatever was left of them not reduced to jelly.

“you sure?” red eyes glint with a flicker of momentary doubt. he knows you feel good, but he’s determined to make you feel amazing. “tell me what you like, baby.”

he begins moving his hips again, faster this time, and your back arcs like the london bridge.

“like that!” you’re quick to savour it, and he fucking smirks. he feels you cumming around him, an sweet, blissful orgasm tearing through you like a bullet through paper. but he doesn’t stop, fucking you through it and promising 3 mode.

“whatever you want, baby.”

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.*

shouto todoroki

- maybe its because he knows a thing or two about the absence of love and genuineness in places it should exist, but he tends to know when you lie. especially if its to protect his feelings in the form of forced moans or highs.

- he’s only began fingering you, noticing that your moans are off, and he’ll immediately withdraw. he’ll blink, confused, before returning to his normal, blunt self: “you don’t like it, darling?”

- he’ll stare, gears turning in his head while you ramble to come up with an answer. he’s difficult to lie to, seeing the way he tilts his head like a god damn puppy when he knows something is amiss.

- after you finally tell him, he’s silent for a few moments right before: “well, why didn’t you say so?”

- “i didn’t want to be difficult.”

- “it’s difficult to not love you.”

shouto has stamina, thats a no brainer. he’s been trained since day 1 to endure most things. so staying on his knees, head buried between your thighs isn’t exactly hard for him.

one of your legs stays hooked over his shoulder while the other is pinned down by his hand. you can’t remember the last time he’s actually lifted his head to breathe. he’d find a new way to take in oxygen if it meant keeping you pink and needy for him, the way he has you know.

his tongue moves in a messy pattern, swirling around and in between your slit before his lips move up to that delicate bundle of nerves, wrapping around the bud and sucking all the sweet nectar. his eyes are closed, a sort of meditation for him while you melt into the sheets.

“shouto!” his name comes out like a mantra. he wants to smile, to respond, but his lips are preoccupied with spelling out each japanese logographic character on your pussy.

so instead, he smiles mentally while moving his head up and down. you’ve never actually squirted before, but you were pretty confident this would be the day.

✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.* ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚ ✧.* ✧.*

izuku midoriya

- izuku possesses endless patience that extends with both his arms for you. he has only ever wanted to put a smile on your face, even if that smile is sometimes an o shape and eyes rolling back.

- he is incredibly understanding, not a trace of judgement in those green eyes. he’ll simply hold your hand, with all the respect and the world, and say: “let me help you, baby.”

- that gentleness is thrown at the window as he morphs into a complete demon, pounding into you with such force you’re sure you’ll break the bed.

“fuck! izuku! shit, uhm- you’re going so fast!” you blurt out, holding his back for stability. he’s bullying your pussy with his cock, reasoning that if he was going to make you cum, he’d do it right.

“i’ve got you, love.” he mutters into your ear, lip wrapping around your nipple while his squeezes your other tit. his pace doesn’t dare slow down, stars bursting behind your eyelids as every inch of him sends shivers of pleasure down your body. he somehow still manages to whisper the most tooth-rotting sweet nothings into your ear while he single handedly orchestrates that delicious skin slapping noise.

his pelvis rubbed against your already sensitive clit, your pussy glistening with sticky juices that he salivates just thinking about. if he wasn’t fucking you with his cock, it’d be with his mouth.

he cups your face with one hand, groaning as you squeeze even tighter. “you gonna cum, sweetheart?” unable to speak, you nod profusely. he fucks you through countless more through the rest of the night.

[weissthesquid]

I'm tired of parents who don't say "I didn't mean to" but instead say "Well I tried my best" Like cool, I mean I hope you actually fucking tried, but noooooooo, lets use that to avoid accepting that you FUCKED up. "I had to disipline you somehow" Did you look into it? or did you just decide that leather was the only option? WHEN YOUR CHILD IS TRYING TO SNEAK PILLOWS INTO THEIR PANTS BECUSE THE PAIN IS TOO MUCH DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING GOOD?

"Well the bible shows:" Yeah well it also shows that if you are asked to murder your child you should. Fucking, I STILL BELIVE IN GOD, just not the God who says to spank your kid until they are fearful that the moment they speak out against what is happening to them, that they shall receive lashes across their behind like the Israelites did in Egypt.

When your child says "I kind of want to kill myself" and your reply is to tell them that "No you don't, and even if you did it would be a sin", did you even think about what that means? Did you think about how that will shape their opinions on self image and the worth of their life?

No, no you did not.

But you choose to use those failings in the future as knifes and bullets against each other.

I'm sorry, but its too late to say "I should have".

I have a tendency to insert songs into my emotions, prayers, and vents because it helps me channel those emotions. Right now the only song that pops up is Sorry from Hazbin Hotel.

You didn't say sorry though, you put so much pressure on us. so much responsiblity.

No child should have the ability to say they genuinely ripped a gun away from their fathers head because he felt like a fuck up, only after their mother and him split. No child, should ever, be able to say that they genuinely felt the need to hide who they were from you.

I have access, and may pick up my father's blog again.

If I do, do you know how many people are going to read that I hate having to box up who I am for other people, and have had to do so for Decades?

That the reason I resent a easy form of self expression is because I was constantly made to write what everyone else wanted, once again putting on another mask, on top of the one I was made to wear?

In Mario Strikers Charged there is a scene where the Shy Guy falls on his face and his mask falls off. Underneath the mask, was yet another mask. For me its a great analogy for how it feels. I had to write as someone else, pretending to be a mini version of my father because if anyone knew there was a girl under that mask, the bullying, the harrassment, the ostrisization, and all the other bad stuff I repeatedly went through would get worse.

Don't get me started on the "there were no signs" bullshit because there were. You just didn't see them because I had to learn to hide them.

I legit stole clothes from my sister when I was younger, got caught, and lied my way out of it because I knew that if I didn't, I would meet the belt.

You didn't mean to leave me lasting trauma,

but yet, here we are.

I'm sorry that I lied and hid that. I'm sorry that I couldn't be a better child for you. I'm sorry that when I was under stress, under all that pressure, I broke, and reacted in the ways I saw you react.....

I'm sorry that I resent you, that the thought of talking to you hurts.

It would be nice if i had a parental figure to lean on but, regretfully you are inadequate for the job.

You said yourself: (you)"...don't know how to love"

Well, I can tell, since I rarely saw what others describe as love.

I'm so tired of parents who didn't mean to

[jellysmosh]

Better to Leave it Unsaid

Summary: You were a certified yapper, always chatting with anyone and everyone around the Smoffice. Everyone except for one person. Inspired by the song Talk Too Much by COIN.

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x GN!Reader

Tags: Fluff, mutual pining, extremely light angst if you squint

Word count: 6.1k

Note: This is a huge one! I didn't mean to make this so long, but I just kept going lol… I decided to post the whole thing rather than separate it and make y’all wait for a part 2, hehe. I take a lot of inspiration from music, if you couldn’t tell. Please enjoy~!

☆

You had always been talkative, a chatterbox, and a yapper. Your mother used to tell people that when you were a baby, you learned how to speak in full sentences before you learned how to stand on your own two feet. You couldn’t help it, you just loved to talk. It took you years to learn how to think before you speak.

You enjoyed talking to people, it genuinely made you happy to learn about others and share your thoughts. It was a form of connection, whether it was a late night heart-to-heart with your best friend or joking around with a stranger in line at the supermarket. If you could list ‘conversations’ as an interest on your resume, you absolutely would.

This trait worked to your advantage when you joined Smosh as a cast member.

“You’re so good at talking”, Ian joked with you after your first month, “you always seem to know what to say.”

“Practice makes perfect”, you grinned back as he laughed again.

You had quickly become a fan favourite, especially on Reddit Stories and as a guest on Smosh Mouth, being praised for the chemistry you had with the cast members and how you played off each other in discussions. You struggled a bit more on the games channel, you had very little video games experience and you found it difficult to remember board game rules when you played them for the first time. But the subscribers seemed to love making video compilations of everytime you forgot a rule or had to quietly ask for help mid-game.

Working at Smosh was so much fun, not just because you loved your work, but because there was such a diverse and interesting group of people you had long and frequent talks with. You had gotten to know everyone so well throughout the past few months, both cast and crew.

Well.

Everyone except for Spencer.

When you joined Smosh and met all the people working there, you had taken to Spencer in a different way than the others.

The crush you developed on him was quick and severe. You had no idea what to do with it. You were never good with romantic attraction, the few times you made the first move with a potential partner, it always ended disastrously. When it came to someone you really liked, you clammed up. Every time you were around Spencer, you panicked, and your heart sped up when he spoke to you. All the words that normally flowed out of your mouth got all tangled up in your head and stuck in your throat. Even when you two were doing your jobs and he was directing you on a game video, you responded to his directions with a silent, tight-lipped smile without making eye contact.

You did not handle cute guys well. And Spencer was cute. With his big green eyes, cheeky smile, and quick-witted humour, he was exactly your type to a T. It infuriated you, the person you wanted to have a connection with the most was so distant from you, and it was your own fault. You wanted to be close with him like everyone else, having lunch together, hanging out after work, you wanted it all. He definitely noticed how weird you were about him, because he drew back, hardly ever reaching out to you and only speaking to you when absolutely necessary. You couldn’t blame him.

The invisible wall between you guys that you had accidentally built seemed to get taller by the day, and you wished there was some way to knock it down.

☆

“Cut!”

That was a wrap on the most recent Board AF video and it was finally lunchtime. You and the other cast members hopped up from your seats as the room was filled with post-recording chatters.

“Good job, guys!” Spencer clapped his hands, “Amanda and Chanse, that was amazing teamwork. Shayne, super funny, as per usual.” He was wearing his green Smosh merch cap and a white T-shirt today. God, he looked so good.

You pretended not to notice he praised everyone else in the video besides you.

“And great banter, Y/N”, he added before turning to Alex to debrief.

Nevermind. You almost skipped out of the room from the high you got from him complimenting you.

You could really enjoy your lunch break after that. Sitting down between Angela and Amanda, you dug right in, conversing with the others at the table as you did everyday.

“I was watching the shoot just then, you know?” Angela nudged you, speaking between bites, “what’s up with you and Spence?”

You almost bit down on your tongue in surprise.

“What?” You laughed to cover the worried feeling that rose inside you, “what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean”, she spoke quietly, this was between you two. The rest of the table were not paying attention, holding their own conversation about the schedule for the rest of the week. “You, like, don’t look directly at him and you just silently do what he says. No reply, nothing.”

“I didn’t think I had to reply to every direction given”, you shot back, eyes on your food. You were dreading where this situation was heading.

“Okay, okay, no offence”, Angela lay a hand on your leg, eyebrows raised so high it made you laugh, “I have never seen you skip an opportunity to say something.” When she saw your jaw drop, she quickly added, “I’m saying this as a fellow yapper, okay? It takes one to know one. You seem to talk non-stop to anyone until it’s with Spencer, then you shut right up. Are you mad at him? Did he do something to piss you off?”

You sighed and put your fork down.

“No, Angela”, you both leaned back in your chairs, facing each other, “I’m not mad at him, he did nothing wrong.”

“Then?”

“I-”, you quickly glanced around you, checking nobody was paying attention to you two, “I don’t know. Like, I just can’t talk to him.”

“But why?” Angela had her hands out inquisitively, like this was a great mystery she had been thinking about for a long time. “How are you not able to talk to somebody? You start chattering when you hear someone enter the stall next to you in the bathroom. It’s disturbing. Nothing stops you.”

“I don’t know”, you were a lying liar. You knew damn well why you struggled to speak to him. “I just can’t!”

She eyed you suspiciously. She was squinting at you so hard, you resisted the urge to ask if she needed her glasses. This was one of the rare times you actually wanted a conversation to end as soon as possible.

“Right”, she finally conceded, a strange expression on her face, “totally. Yeah. You just don’t know.”

You nodded, smiling like nothing was bothering you. You could tell she wasn’t satisfied with your response but you were just glad she wasn’t pushing it anymore. She was very empathetic, so she could probably feel you were getting uncomfortable.

“Anyway”, she shook her head, poking you gently as she changed the topic, “what are you scheduled for tomorrow morning?”

☆

“And then I told him that I didn’t know where his wallet was and that I was sorry”, you explained, hands gesturing wildly.

“I mean, yeah”, Tommy responded while nodding, “you literally met him five minutes before, how were you meant to know?”

You were telling him a story about some guy you befriended at a bar a while ago when you heard someone clear their throat behind you. You spun around to see Spencer standing there, holding his laptop. You didn’t even hear him approaching while you were talking, how long had he been there?

“Hello”, he waved, you silently waved back and Tommy replied with his own ‘hello’. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but I need to speak to Y/N about an upcoming video. Sorry, Tommy.”

“No problem, don’t worry about it”, Tommy replied before heading back to his desk, “see you guys later.”

You wanted to yell for him to come back so you wouldn’t be alone with Spencer, but you were left with no choice but to quietly follow Spencer to the games set. He was going to quickly go through how to play a new board game you were set to play with a few of your cast mates because your schedules didn’t line up and you couldn’t be there when he taught the others.

“Okay”, he sighed, plopping down on the large grey couch. “Please sit down”, he nodded his head at the space next to him.

You carefully sat a respectable distance away from him, close enough to properly listen to him but far enough to not get you flustered. As he began to teach you the rules and show you the different cards, you tried your hardest to focus. He made it so difficult, he just looked so gorgeous. His curls were sitting just right today, one stray strand dangling down his forehead, and he was wearing that Creed shirt he always looked good in. His glasses slowly slipped down his nose when he leaned down and you bit your tongue as he adjusted them. You were trying to remember what each card did in the game, but your thoughts kept going back to how nice his voice sounded. He didn’t speak too fast and he kept the volume low since it was just you two sitting on the set, it tickled something in your brain.

“Y/N? Y/N!” His voice calling your name drew you out of your own thoughts.

A single ‘huh?’ was your clever response.

He sighed, seemingly a little frustrated.

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Yes”, you responded defensively, vaguely repeating some of the main points you managed to retain from when he was talking.

“Okay”, he nodded, “you did remember a few things. Sorta.”

He picked up the deck of cards and slid them back into their box as you silently watched his fingers work.

“Any questions?”

You looked up at his face to see him looking back at you with his eyebrows raised in question.

“Uh… no”, you flatly replied. You could feel your face and neck gradually get warmer the longer he looked at you.

“No? Any comments? Anything at all?”

You shook your head. Hopefully, this interaction would be ending soon before something devastating happened, like him noticing how red your face was or how clammy your hands were. You looked away and your eyes darted around the set. You didn’t like being speechless, it was an uncomfortable feeling for you.

“Y/N”, he gently pressed. You froze in place, eyes glued to the small table in front of you. “Why…”, he trailed off, not finishing his question before he stood up, “uh, nevermind. We’re done here, I guess. See you around.”

And then he was gone.

You felt relief and anxiety mix together at the bottom of your stomach. You wanted to talk to him so bad but you were so in your own head about him, about your feelings for him. In another world, where you could get over your feelings for him, you could be best friends. You could be talking all day long, asking about each other's days, how your families were going, what your weekend plans were.

Instead, right now, you were the only person in the room, left sitting alone on an empty set.

☆

“What is their problem?” Spencer grumbled, partly to himself, partly to Alex and Shayne, interrupting the conversation they were having right next to Spencer’s desk. They both turned to look down at him, borderline sulking in his chair.

“Y/N?” Shayne hit the nail on the head immediately. Spencer didn’t often talk about his strained relationship with you, but the few times he did have been with these two in particular.

“Yeah”, he lifted his glasses to rub his eyes, “I just met with them to explain the new game we’re playing tomorrow.”

“Awkward?” Alex grinned.

“So awkward”, Spencer threw his hands up, “I really don’t get it! They just refuse to say anything to be besides ‘yes’, ‘no’, and ‘huh?’”

They could tell Spencer was getting frustrated, not quite angry, moreso confused and unsure on what to do.

“It’s been months since they started”, Shayne crossed his arms, tone neutral, “have they not had a proper conversation with you even once?”

“Never”, Spencer replied, “what about you guys?”

“All the time”, Shayne replied sheepishly.

“Yeah, all the time”, Alex nodded, almost apologetically. “I talked to them this morning about Fortnite for like half an hour. They asked me to explain it to them.”

“You’re kidding me”, Spencer whined, he just could not wrap his head around why you guys just didn’t click. “I would have killed to explain Fortnite to someone for the first time.”

The other two seemed bemused by his turmoil. Spencer feared they may not be taking this seriously. It was serious. Over the past months, he had watched you grow close with other people at Smosh, chatting and bonding so naturally it was as if you had worked there for years. Whenever he saw you, you were always in the middle of a lengthy conversation with someone; you had gained a reputation around the office as an amazing listener who would be easy to talk to for hours. Spencer thought you two could get along great, he was not the most talkative, but he loved to chat and loved to listen. However, Spencer seemed to be the one person in the company that you refused to talk to.

It didn’t help that he thought you were very attractive. It drove him insane, he felt this inexplicable draw to you and yet you avoided even making eye contact with him. Did you find out about his crush on you? Were you grossed out? Was that why you avoided speaking to him? There was no way though, he hadn’t told a single person about how attracted he was to you.

“Look, man”, Shayne gained his attention again, “if it really bothers you, you have to talk to them. They can’t read your mind, they might not even realise they’re doing it.”

That made Spencer laugh, you definitely knew you were doing it.

“Yeah, what Shayne said”, Alex chimed in, “talking to them is going to be a way better approach than sitting on your ass, ripping out your hair trying to solve it.”

“Maybe”, he groaned, turning back to his computer to continue his work, “I’ll think about it.”

Alex and Shayne shared a knowing look before leaving him alone.

☆

The next time you spoke to Spencer alone, he accosted you in the break room.

You were stirring the tea you had just made when you heard footsteps behind you slowly coming to a stop.

Before you could turn around and greet whoever it was, you heard Spencer’s apprehensive voice, “Alex mentioned you were showing an interest in Fortnite.”

You almost dropped your mug, but you managed to keep a firm grip on it as you turned around to face him. You tried to say something but faltered before closing your mouth and nodding. You already knew this was going to be another failed attempt at a conversation. You might as well have run for it then and there.

“Okay, well”, he put his hands in his pockets as he continued, “we could play together sometime? Or I could arrange for us to play on the channel in the future or something.”

You blinked a few times. He was asking to play Fortnite together. You felt so excited, you wanted to chug your tea down like a beer and give him a huge kiss but you controlled your impulses. You were curious about the game because of Spencer talking about it all the time and showing Angela how to play, so you enquired about the game from Alex a few days ago. You saw a chance to get through the invisible wall, conquer your feelings, and really get to know Spencer. You were determined to get over this stupid crush of yours for the sake of befriending him, you were tired of being the only person that didn’t get to enjoy his company.

“That sounds fun”, you managed to blurt out, both you and Spencer seemed shocked that you were actually speaking to him. “I mean, I’m not very experienced with video games, but it looks like a lot of fun”, your voice was quivering from nerves and you just prayed he didn’t notice, “I think all the cosmetics are really cool too.”

“Yes!” Spencer seemed to almost jump at the opportunity to talk to you, “they released a Sabrina Carpenter skin. You like her, don’t you?”

Your heart was going a mile a minute, were you actually managing to talk to him? And how did he know you were a fan of Sabrina Carpenter?

“Yeah, I love her!” You found yourself actually smiling, even though you were resisting the urge to find the nearest escape route like some kind of prey animal, “I didn’t know she had a collaboration with them. I actually just ordered the Short n’ Sweet Deluxe vinyl record I’ve been wanting for ages, it took me, like, an hour to decide which colour to get.”

“And which colour was that?” He asked.

“The blue one”, you quickly replied, “the white pearl one was pretty but I wanted the brighter colour. I thought it would look cuter on my record player.”

You were so excited that Spencer seemed interested in talking to you, it almost outweighed the incredible amount of nerves you were experiencing in that moment. You were trying your absolute hardest to form normal words and sentences in his presence. Having his whole attention on you as you spoke was so foreign and just as scary as it normally was, but it was also sort of thrilling. You felt like a teenager again, trying something new and rebellious that you figured you might regret later. There was a paradox of wanting to talk to him like this more to aid in your mission to get over your feelings for him, but the more he looked at you and spoke to you, the more you felt yourself falling.

You were making crazy progress on holding a conversation with him, though. You were definitely being more reserved than when you chatted with other people in the office, but this was breaking the record for longest talk you’ve ever had with him. It made your heart beat so fast you were scared you would pass out.

You had moved onto the topic of music and your record collection, the one you had been working on ever since you moved into your own apartment.

“I have about 30 now”, you had a small, proud smile on your face, “it’s growing slowly, I try not to blow all my money on them.”

“No, I get it”, he said back, grinning, “that is so cool, frankly.”

You felt your entire upper body flush with heat when he said that, your face feeling red and tingly. Part of you wanted to squeal at his compliment and the other part wanted to disappear, dig a hole into the floor and hide in it. Yapping came so naturally to you, but it was still proving difficult to speak to him. Your brain was in overdrive, trying so hard to pick the right words to say and string them into coherent sentences, stuff that was as easy as breathing when you spoke to anybody else.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Spencer sounded worried all of a sudden. When you looked at him with a confused expression, he pointed at your mug, “your hands are shaking pretty bad right now, you might want to put that drink down.”

You hadn’t noticed, you were indeed shaking, little ripples running through your tea from the movement.

“I’m okay”, you tried to grin widely, but it felt like a grimace. You tightened your hold on your tea, willing yourself to stop trembling. You realised you had probably reached your limit on talking to Spencer for today. Any more and you may have a heart attack. “Just a bit of the shakes, I have weak arms”, you lied.

“Are you sure-“

“Yes!” Your reply was too hasty and too loud, “yes, of course! I really need to get back to work though.”

He nodded as you cautiously stepped past him and almost jogged towards the exit, careful not to spill your drink.

“Talk to you later, Y/N.”

You paused, looking at him over your shoulder. You could have sworn he looked worried, nervous even. You felt extra light on your feet knowing he wanted to talk to you again.

“Yeah”, you couldn’t help the smile that took over your face, cheeks red and hands damp with sweat, “yeah, talk to you later, Spencer.”

He smiled back in a way that made your chest hurt and you couldn’t figure out if there was actually a halo of glowing light around him or you were hallucinating. You had to turn away and keep walking or you would have burst into flames with how warm your entire body had become. The gentle way he spoke to you replayed in your head over and over and over.

How the hell were you going to get over him?

☆

Spencer couldn’t help smiling to himself as he typed. He was a little distracted from his work today.

“What’s gotten into you?” Alex asked, alarmed at his behaviour. “You’re acting weird and happy and giddy.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, it’s just… did something happen?” Alex abandoned their desk and came over to him. They could be such a gossip sometimes. “Did you finally ask Y/N what the problem was?”

“No”, Spencer stopped doing his work too, turning to look at them, “but we had, like, an actual conversation.”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up, “wow, really?”

“Yes, dude, we talked about Sabrina Carpenter in Fortnite and their record collection”, he was obviously excited, “and it wasn’t a long talk, but they spoke actual sentences to me.”

“Good for you, buddy”, Alex patted his back, trying not to laugh as Spencer turned back to his monitor with a huge smile on his face, “good for you.”

☆

It had been a week since you had that discussion with Spencer and you were still reeling from it. You both got very busy and you didn’t really find yourself alone with him after that. You were both excited and very scared about the next time you could potentially talk. You had been mentally hyping yourself up before work everyday, just in case. You were determined to push your feelings down as far as possible, so you could have a longer conversation next time.

It was a sunny Friday morning when you breezed through the door, mood high because the barista at the cafe remembered your order and gave you a dollar discount. You greeted every single person you walked past and gave Courtney a huge hug when you saw her.

“You’re in a good mood”, they laughed, “happy Friday, huh?”

“I just feel like today’s gonna be an amazing day”, you hummed, pulling away and grabbing her hand. You swung them around between you wildly as you spoke, “the weather’s gorgeous, my coffee tastes extra good this morning, you look beautiful. It’s been great so far.”

She leaned forward and laughed hard.

“Are you sure it’s not because you’re filming with Spence later?”

“What?” You stopped swinging your arm, looking at her with wide eyes, “that’s not why- no, I didn’t even know, no, well, I did know but, that’s not a reason to- like, I don’t even…”

“Okay, breathe”, Courtney was wheezing with laughter now, “I was just teasing, Y/N. You’re okay.”

You fanned your face lightly, why was it so hot in here all of a sudden? Did they know about your feelings for Spencer? You swore you were working on that. Hopefully, the mention of him won’t make you feel like this soon.

“I’ve never seen you stumble over words like that before”, they started swinging your arms again, “what was that about? I thought you didn’t like him.”

“It’s not that I don’t like him”, you explained, shaking your head, “I like him! I like him a lot!”

Another weakness of yours that came along with being a yapper was your bad habit of over-explaining. You couldn’t shut up if you tried, unfortunately.

“You… like him a lot?” Courtney raised a single eyebrow, “never heard you admit that before. That’s very interesting.”

“No!” You let go of her hand to wave yours in front of her in a panic, “no, not like that!”

“Yeah”, she replied, slowly stepping away from you and heading back in the direction she was originally going, “totally, yeah. You didn’t mean it like that.”

You rushed away to your desk, cheeks flared up and your head down to hide it. You didn’t see Courtney look back at you with a mischievous smirk.

☆

“Y/N is on one today”, Courtney gasped as everyone was trying to catch their breath. You had told an off-hand, low-brow joke that you did not expect to land, but apparently everyone at Smosh had the humour of a 12 year old boy. Your chest swelled with pride, not from making everyone at the table laugh, but for making specifically Spencer laugh so hard, he was covering his face with his hands.

You silently thanked the heavens that you got to film a Moose Master video with Spencer today without going through the emotional and physical torture of sitting directly next to him. In your opinion, he looked super hot today, he was wearing a hoodie and pushed the sleeves up instead of taking it off when the game really heated up. All you wanted was to stop looking at the cameras and just stare at his tattoos to commit them to memory. Making him laugh while he looked so good was like doing crack. Or what you imagined doing crack was like.

As the game continued, the volume in the room only increased, more rules making people screw up and yell at each other. It was getting intense.

“You said her first name!” You pointed at Noah accusingly, interrupting the tirade he was on, “you broke a rule! I got your ass!”

“Y/N”, clearly frustrated, Noah put his hand up in your face, “shut up for once!” He then continued with the argument he was having with Amanda.

The comment was played for laughs, clearly all in the lighthearted spirit of the game. You had to admit the way he worded it hurt a little bit. But at the end of the day, you knew he didn’t mean it, you had all said stuff you didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t a big deal, so you got over that twang of pain pretty fast.

Seeming to notice you had become uncharacteristically silent for a moment, Spencer locked eyes with you from across the table. He silently raised his eyebrows and gave you a miniscule nod, you knew this meant ‘are you okay?’ Your cheeks flushed at him paying attention to solely you amongst the chaos and you nodded back in assurance before returning to the game.

His consideration unleashed a thousand butterflies in your stomach, it was clearly not a big deal, but he still wanted to check on you. You almost wanted to be mad at him for being so cute and sweet. He really was not going to let this ‘getting over your crush’ thing easy.

☆

After an hour, filming wrapped and everyone slowly dispersed. You lingered back a little, discussing something random with Courtney. You two walked off the set a little slower than the others, and once you were back in the main section of the office, you bid Courtney adieu as they went off to take care of something else.

“Hey Y/N”, you jumped a little in surprise, you hadn’t realised Spencer was standing by the door, just out of sight. “Can we talk for a second?”

Oh my god, here we go. You had been gearing up for your next one-on-one conversation with Spencer, you wanted this one to go off without a hitch, leaving him thinking you were charismatic and clever. The problem lay in the fact that when you were finally alone with him, and his beautiful eyes were gazing into yours and only yours, your mind went completely blank.

“Yeah”, you replied, exhaling. You didn’t even realise you had been holding your breath. You were glad nobody else was around to see you embarrass yourself.

“Did…”, Spencer scratched the back of his neck, “did what Noah said during that video upset you? I mean, I know you nodded like you were okay, but I just wanted to check on you to make sure, because that was a pretty rude thing to say”, his eyes were avoiding yours this time, “even though I know you know he didn’t really mean it. That doesn’t make it okay, though. Okay, I’m rambling right now, I’m gonna stop…”

You stared at him speechlessly. He was being so unbelievably cute right now. The care he was showing for you and your feelings endeared him to you so much it hurt.

“Spencer, you’re making this so hard”, you groaned without thinking. When you realised what you said, you wanted to run again. Flight or fight activated.

He furrowed his brow in confusion, “making what hard?”

Now you’ve gone and done it. You were incredibly embarrassed, searching the floor for some sort of way out of this situation.

“No, Noah didn’t make me uncomfortable”, you said in a monotone voice.

“Y/N, what am I making hard?” He ignored you and took a step forward, you started to panic.

“That’s what she said”, you couldn’t even laugh at your joke. He didn’t laugh either, and that made you feel even worse.

“Y/N”, Spencer slowly reached for you, as if you were a skittish wild animal. You tried your hardest not to flinch when he gently put his hand on your upper arm. “What’s going on? You can tell me.”

You finally looked up at him. There was an entire galaxy in his eyes you wanted to explore. He had gotten so close to you, but you wanted him even closer.

“I know you don’t really like talking to me, but”, he swallowed, “I really want to change that. You just need to tell me what to do.”

“I do, though”, you mumbled, your face felt so hot, you could probably cook an egg on it. “I want to talk to you all the time, it’s just-”, you shut your mouth, not daring to say anything further.

“What am I making hard for you, Y/N?” He was whispering now.

There was a beat of silence. It couldn’t have been more than ten seconds, but it felt like it stretched on for hours.

“Getting over you”, you whispered back meekly, hands balling into fists by your sides. “Getting over my big, fat crush on you”, you said a little louder, you were diving into the deep end, laying bare your soul for him.

“What?” Spencer’s eyes had widened to the size of saucers, entire body almost recoiling in surprise. “That doesn’t make sense. I thought you didn’t like me. You talk to every single person in the office like they’re your best friend except for me.”

“Y-you make me nervous”, you shifted your weight from one foot to the other, “I’ve never been any good at talking to cute guys I like.”

Spencer’s cheeks flushed a deep red. He seemed almost as flustered as you.

“But!” You were fighting to save the situation, the last thing you wanted was to completely fuck up the work environment for both of you because of your schoolyard crush. “I promise I’m trying my best to get over my feelings for you. And then it’ll be so much easier to chat, and we can yap all day long together! I just need some time to work on it, that’s all.”

“Stop”, he murmured, tone pleading. He had stepped even closer, you could feel the heat coming off his body. Or it was just the heat your own face was generating. You were pretty sure you were visibly sweating. “Stop that.”

“What-”

“I don’t want you to”, he gently took your hand and you felt like you couldn’t breathe, a shiver ran up your spine, “I don’t want you to get over me.” His green eyes bore into yours, your heart thudded against your ribcage as you willed yourself not to break eye contact. “I haven’t been able to get over you, you know”, he spoke to you in a quiet tone you had never heard from him before, “ever since we talked in the break room, I’ve been thinking about you all the time.”

You opened your mouth and closed it a few times, completely in shock and searching for words that were not coming to you. You were so accustomed to knowing what to say in reply to pretty much anything, the constant flow of conversation buzzing at the back of your head came to a screeching halt. There was nothing but a heavy silence in your head as the man you’ve been pining for was metaphorically grabbing your heart out of your chest and claiming it as his.

“Just… thinking about you and how funny and bright you are”, he kept going, you had never heard Spencer word-vomit like this and it made your heart soar, “you talk so loud, but I love it because I can still hear you even though you won’t talk to me”, that made you laugh, your free hand coming up to cover your red face. “Your jokes always get me, and I love how you laugh with your whole body. I’m just always thinking about your smile, and your humour, and how kind you are to everyone, you’ve been driving me crazy.”

You covered his mouth with your trembling hand. You were so flustered, you felt like you were going to melt into a puddle any second. He looked at you with expectant eyes, round and imploring, like he was asking a silent question.

“You’re talking more than me for once”, you inspected every part of his face, you rarely had the opportunity to do that, you had been avoiding being close to him all this time after all. He chuckled behind your hand, the way his eyes crinkled a little in the corners when he smiled made you want to scream. You worried that he might be able to feel your racing pulse. “I never thought you would like me back.”

He slowly pushed your hand away from his mouth, “and I never thought you would like me. You acted like you hated me.”

“Okay”, you started, cutting yourself off with an embarrassed chortle, “I was panicking every time I saw you, I’m sorry!”

You joked with each other like that for the next few minutes, your heartbeat slowing slightly as you calmed down. Your chest tightened with excitement as you realised he had inched even closer, almost touching you. He looked at you with so much affection in his eyes when you laughed at something he said. You felt like you were on cloud nine.

“So”, you looked down at your fingers still interlocked, “what does this mean for us then?”

“Well”, Spencer pretended to think really hard, “if you can actually stand talking to me for more than five minutes,” he ignored you as you smacked his chest in fake offence, “would you like to go on a date with me?”

You hummed, also pretending to think really hard. He grinned at you, eyes fond. You wondered if he had been looking at you like that all this time.

“Yes, I think I’d like that”, you answered softly.

Feeling bold, you leaned in slightly, wondering if you could get away with kissing him on the cheek. He had other plans, tilting his head so his lips were almost grazing yours. He stayed still, waiting on you, always waiting on you. Both of you had your eyes half closed, transfixed on each other’s lips. Your stomach flipped as you took the leap, moving forward and pressing your mouth against his. It was absolute bliss.

Just like that, the invisible wall between you came tumbling down. It was like it was never there in the first place as Spencer’s hand squeezed yours tight.

☆

Note: Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! Also, I am happy for people to send requests, I want to try writing shorter fics, so that would be perfect! If you have sent me an ask, please be patient with me as I work through them, thanks guys. <333

♡ masterlist

[stephexmachina]

genuinely curious, what happened in dc pride connor hawke that's pissing off fans

okay! so. there are Many layers to the appalling (and no doubt racially motivated) disrespect Connor Hawke has received this month, but i'll try to summarise it as best as i can!!

Offense Number 1: DC hired a white writer, Sam Maggs, who A) had never written for DC before, and B) to my knowledge is NOT asexual, to write Connor's story for DC Pride 2025. this alone was lazy and insulting, given how underrepresented people of colour are in their employee base as it is.

Offense Number 2: DC released official pride art that whitewashed Connor Hawke and hid him away at the back of the picture, behind a giant sword. no other character was subject to quite so much disrespect, though many other characters of colour were either coloured lighter than usual or given unnatural ashen undertones.

Offense Number 3:

DC Pride 2025 drops. Connor Hawke gets two measly pages to himself, where his "dream world" involves him rescuing a nameless woman who looks eerily like Dinah Lance (his stepmother, might i clarify). he awkwardly flirts with the woman and she kisses him without his consent – a phenomenon that happened a LOT in his GA run, and that has had some really uncomfortable, exoticising implications given how his sexual appeal is directly conflated with his mixed ethnicity.

DC PRIDE 2025:

GA VOL 3:

the two page story ends with him realizing this "bubble world" isn't real, and in fact reflects the reality he thought he wanted when he used to visit the club – essentially implying his wish was to be just like his father, a notorious womanizer (which, remember the Dinah dress-alike? yikes.)

DC PRIDE 2025:

this is despite the fact that Connor has never wanted to be a womanizer, and pretty early in his GA run declares he wants to be the hero his father was, not the man his father was. he already knows this about himself. nothing about this storyline makes sense in the context of his narrative arc, and it doesn't feel true to the character we know and adore. in fact, it's so weird and insulting and incongruent that i wouldn't be surprised if none of the creators involved had ever picked up a Connor Hawke issue in their lives.

GA VOL 3:

after this weird, Freudian fever dream, Connor is relegated to a background character. at one point Harley Quinn flirts with him and he responds positively in one of the most bizarrely OOC exchanges i've ever had the displeasure of reading.

to make matters worse, throughout the comic Connor is coloured jarringly unnatural shades of brown – first with sickly green undertones, and later bright red. it's as if the colorists have Never met anyone with melanin before. after over twenty five years of screwing up Connor's skin tone, you'd expect DC would learn something. but apparently not.

DC PRIDE 2025:

that's the long and short of it!! all in all it was an almost impressively awful portrayal of Connor, as well as an insult to fans of colour and asexual fans alike. as a Black mixed race Connor Hawke lover, i can't think of many ways DC could have executed it worse. maybe if they whitewashed him again. ha.

this got wayyyyy longer than i intended, but i hope it clears up why Connor Hawke fans responded so negatively to his depiction, and why the lead-up to DC Pride has felt like a series of microaggressions from start to finish.

[therobotsarestuckinmyhead]

Can you do a platonic Optimus x cybertronian reader, who is an Autobot and Megatron's sparkling? Like reader used to support their father in the beginning, but when Megatron got off the roads and became the tyrannical warlord, reader decided to leave and become an Autobot. Despite having supported Autobots from the start and having Optimus's full trust, because of reader's relation to Megatron, reader had received a lot of mistrust in the Autobot ranks. This sometimes causes reader to feel alone and down. On Earth things are a bit better, but maybe one night reader feels down and misses the old days, and Optimus is there to comfort them?

☆ "NO PLACE FOR ME IS HOME" — [TFP] Optimus Prime

oh anon, you just want to make me shed tears and IM HERE FOR IT. this is going to be so tragic.

scenario: you consider yourself Megatron's… protegé but that's all that you wish you were to Megatron but at least you have Prime comfort you

warning: angst and pain, fatherly issues

You hate it. You hate it so much when the memories of who he once was floods back into your helm— It happens every single time the two of you make optic contact, Megatron is quick to look away first. He never acknowledges you in a confrontation, ever. The warlord tsks and walks away quietly, it's uncharacteristic of him but… you'd really rather not talk to him either. Your spark aches when you think of what's become of him. You can see the bitterness in his optics when you're in his peripheral, it's not the typical rage and hate. No. It's...

Sadness.

He misses you too. Maybe. You're not so sure. He isn't like how you used to know him.

With your knees tucked to your chassis, servos holding them tight against you, you sit at the top of the base. The somber night sky somehow makes this all the more nostalgic as you think of times when things were different..

The day you first met him.

The day your life changed.

“Uh… hi!!!”

The gladiator had just been done with another match, the precipitation and energon stains fresh on his frame— He will need to get to his sad excuse of a living quarters to clean himself properly. But he stops right in his tracks as the voice catches his attention, another fan? Megatronus prepares himself. He looks around, he doesn't see anyone and his optical ridges furrow in confusion. Was he hearing things? What's happening? The voice was somewhat high pitched and squeaky. Meanwhile, his new, tiny little fan was waiting there for their idol to see them.

“..here! Down here!”

That catches his attention and his optics immediately dart down. He sees you, a little bot, azure optics so bright that Megatronus might be able to use you as a lantern. Though, he is surprised to see a sparkling here, especially during this hour at Kaon of all cities.

“What are you doing here, little one?” He asks with concern, stooping down to your level as he observes you in curiosity. Megatronus’ warm blue optics meet yours and the little you couldnt help but feel slightly intimidated.

“Uhm.. I was here to just tell you that… that I really liked your match today.”

Your words make his derma curve up into a soft smile, such genuine sincerity he found so endearing but then it struck him. What in the name of Primus was a sparkling doing watching Gladiatorial Combat? You're supposed to be at the nursery! Learning how to… judging by your alt mode, mine by some soulless teacher before being thrown into this pit of misery.

“Are you not a little too young to watch such violence, little one? Where are your caretakers?” He asks, lowering himself better to look at you optic-to-optic, his faceplates turned into a mix of curiosity, concern and care.

“More importantly, what are you doing in the mining sector?” The gladiator tilts his helm in intrigue.

His question clearly catches you off-guard and you look at him surprised. As if there was something he didn't know happening.

“Eh… you- you don't know?” You ask, not really sure how to spill it to him. Since he was rather popular, you thought he would know the new mining policy changes.

“Know what?” He raises an optical ridge in curiosity, he keeps the aggression in his tone to a minimum even if he was getting impatient, continuing to squat down to your level in order to converse with you. Clearly, the gladiator isn't used to talking to sparklings.

“Well,” You think for a moment on how to explain this, trying to recall the explanation that supervisor bot told you. “The Senate said that they're low on energon so they said that they're going to take us out of nurseries much earlier!”

You have a smile on your face as you say this and Megatronus’ azure optics widen in shock. “Tomorrow is my first day! I hope it goes well.

The blind, innocent naivety in your big blue optics and precious little smile makes his spark ache— you have no idea what's coming for you. At all. Your smile drops a bit when you see the disgust, anger and shock in his optics. How could they be so cruel? To condemn such helpless little things to the Pits before they even know what the world around them is like. This wasn't even cruel, it was evil, vile. And the worst part is, your young little processor can't seem to realize that. Megatronus is speechless as he rises up, continuing to look down at you in… sympathy? Pity? There's a sadness in his EM field.

“Is… Is everything okay?” You're craning your little help up to look at him, you need to take a step back to see his face and he has the most sympathetic look one could ever muster up for a newly-built in your situation.

“No, no. It's… it's fine.” He snaps out of his train of thought with a sharp ex-vent, looking back at your tiny little frame. And he comes to a daunting conclusion.

There's no way you'll make it in the mines.

Now, Megatronus isn't particularly a kind mech. Not really. He'll help so long as it doesn't inconvenience him in any way. But this? He wasn't a monster. He wasn't evil. He wasn't going to leave a helpless little sparkling in the middle of Kaon (of all places), Cybertron's infamous crime capital. Who knows who else you'll run into? The gladiatorial sponsors? Criminal T-Cog harvesters? Smugglers? Slavers?

“You know, little ones like you will need someone to escort you back to your living space.” Megatronus offers, looking down at you. He remembers when he was sent to the mines, albeit much older than you are now. The idea that you, someone so young will have to endure what he went through at such a fragile age hurts his spark inexplicably.

“Whats a living space?” Megatronus pauses, he looks baffled. Leaning down to face you once more.

“...you don't have a designated living space?”

“No. They just dropped us off here and left.”

He knew The Senate was vile but this— this was ridiculous even for them. The anger bubbling in him is near a boiling point upon hearing your story. One day, little ones like you will get their justice.

Megatronus would assure that.

“Fine. Would you… Like to stay with me in the meanwhile?”

The beaming on your face, the wide smile. It was far too precious to be here, in Kaon. It melts his spark in a way nothing has.

But what the two of you didn't know was that it would become permanent. Your time with Megatronus is something you constantly cherish, you look back at it with bittersweet nostalgia. The fondness of… What was that word Miko used for her masculine parent? Ah, yes. Father. Megatronus was like your own ‘father’ in every sense of the word.

You look back fondly at every single moment you had with Megatronus, no matter how you used to feel about it when those events were the present— how he comforted you after nearly getting terminated in your first cave-in, the way he used a majority of his earnings from gladiatorial combat to pay a medic to repair you, the way he would teach you about literature and poetry… and most importantly, how to defend yourself.

You remember how long you had begged him to teach you how to be a gladiator, so you too, could be a star at the face of a crowd. Just like he was. He taught you the combat part, every fighting style he knew but forbade you from ever entering the arena. You were definitely displeased about that for a long time. You were so young and reckless, he constantly spoke of how he saw himself in you but that only made you feel proud of yourself.

You'd always put Megatronus on a pedestal looking back at it. He was the one that showed you what it meant to be alive, that your life was more than your alt. mode and what the Senate dictates for you— He taught you the idea of his revolution, ingrained it into your processor. But he never let you attend any of the rallies or protests, he didn't want you to get tangled with the brutal law enforcers of Kaon.

Then, the day that ruined it all.

That day, The Senate hearing— Orion Pax, an archivist was given the honor, the title of Prime and the Matrix of Leadership with it. You'd known Orion Pax as a friend of Megatronus’, a polite and timid mech. He'd always speak to you fondly, considering Megatronus took you as his own. But that day, the Megatronus you knew was cracking. Was it envy? Pride? Ego? Arrogance? He believed it was him that was better suited, it ate up his helm and it morphed him into something you couldn't recognize.

You remember. The violence was something you were used to, being raised by a gladiator and often sneaking to see Megatronus’ fights despite his disapproval when you were but a sparkling. However, this was a different sort of violence— Senseless. At first you'd agreed. Only because he, the newly named Megatron, seemed to see violence as the only resort to uproot the current system. And you agreed, and so you served.

Your association with the Decepticons was short lived but that was enough to see his spiral, you couldn't do anything but helplessly watch the mech that taught you about the world begin to tear it down himself. It started off with targeting senators and snowballed into mercilessly killing anyone that disagreed.

“Those who are not with us are against us.” You remember him snarling out before giving the order to shoot down neutral ships after you tried your hardest to dissuade him. Senseless killing. It's what made you realize that the warm concern of Megatronus had been erased by the sweltering hate of Megatron.

And every time you look into his crimson optics, you're reminded of that.

After that whole Optimus losing his memories fiasco, it did nothing more than to serve as a bitter reminder of what all you lost, reopening old wounds painfully. You don't regret joining the Autobots, Optimus made it sure you were welcome— As kind and gentle as always, although no longer the timid Orion. At least some things stay the same.

You continue to stare out into the sky with a blank face, failing to take note of the approaching and concerned Prime. You've been coming up here a lot more often ever since Megatron came to Earth, Optimus has decided it's time to have a chat with you.

The fact that you haven't recognized his presence tells him you're deep in thought, usually the sounds of his pede-steps is enough for you to turn to look at him with a ghost of a smile. You were an… aggressive Autobot to say the least but Optimus never blames you, you were only ever surrounded by violence when growing— The important part is that you try your best to reject it from taking over you, trying to be better than all you've seen.

It isn't until you hear the shifting noises of Optimus taking a seat next to you that you realize he's here, and realize that your optics are glossy with coolant. Your optics shutter with a sharp ex-vent, a quick effort to get the excess coolant away before turning to face him. But before you could really ask him, he started to speak.

“Earth is beautiful.” He says as his optics take in the sight of the night sky. The town of Jasper is still kilometers away, the stars illuminating the sky— Another bittersweet memory of how Megatronus used to teach you about Cybertron’s stars and moons while laying down on your backs at the open airs of Lithium Flats.

“It is.” Your admission is uncharacterically soft. It makes Optimus smile slightly.

“You've been spending a lot of time up here recently, [name].” His voice is soothing, concerned. While he sounds nothing like Megatronus, the concern from Optimus is just as warm and inviting.

“...I like star gazing.” Your tone goes quiet, optics averted from his for a moment. But it's enough for Optimus to know that there's more than meets the eye. But for now, he won't prod.

“I understand. Unfortunately I am not very familiar with the stars of this system but they look, as the humans would say ‘breath taking’.” Optimus replies as he looks back into the sky, the two of you sitting there in a somber silence— an understanding silence. You gently lean your helm against his shoulder plating with a sigh, pressing your knees further against your chassis. He says nothing but knows what to do, his servo gently pats your pauldron, providing you more support as you lean against his shoulder.

“...I miss him. Primus, I miss him.”

Your vocalizer breaks slightly, Optimus takes a deep in-vent and sighs.

“As do I, [name]. As do I.” His tone sounds tired and he is, this war has been chipping away at their sparks and Megatron grows more deranged as the conflict prolongs. But he will not openly display his exhaustion, Optimus had to keep up a strong front.

He sees his old friend, Megatronus within you. Your personality is a spitting image— aggressive but not cruel; kind and empathetic, intolerant to the injustices faced by others and yourself. Optimus looks at you, continuing to provide you comfort, one he can tell you desperately need.

“We have tried, tried our best to bring him back. But,” The Prime speaks almost like it hurts him to say this to you, a gentle night breeze against both your frames. It's chilly, an enjoyable atmosphere if it weren't for the heaviness of the subject.

“He is far gone. Far past saving.”

You know that.

You know that very well.

“I know that but.. that,” The words are stuck in your vocalizer, unable to get them out. “...doesn't mean I like it.”

Optimus knows you're an Autobot and this is proof of it. Autobots value lives, even if it is someone as deranged as Megatron. This doesn't make you any sort of traitor to their faction, even if the others have their doubts when you speak of the young Megatronus with so much reverence or how you call out Ratchet when he gives a biased explanation of the war. But, what concerns Optimus is how you cling onto the ghost of who Megatron once was.

And he fears Megatron may stoop as low as to use it against you.

Optimus continues to understand you and provide you with his warm embrace, the gentleness of his tone never changing.

“I cannot guarantee that it will be better,” He says, almost quietly. “But I want you to remember that your Autobots are always here with you.” The mention of the others makes a small tension in your frame, he can feel the hesitance from your EM field. It makes him look at you curiously.

“They.. don't really think of me as one of them.” You admit what's been on your processor for years. You've always felt like a by-stander, someone they brought in to help. Almost as if you were hired but without any real payment. You cannot connect with them, they weren't raised like you nor do they have any fond experiences with anything associated with the name Megatron.

“Maybe.. I just don't feel like one of them.”

You say, it might be your misinterpretation. Who knows? But it's been like this since you've joined the faction. Optimus looks at you curiously, he's intrigued to understand how your processor works, to see what makes you think this way.

“To me, you are an Autobot.”

“Of course I am to you, Prime but that… isn't quite the same.” You smile a bit at Optimus’ attempt to soothe you as he just blinks.

“You’ve known me since I was about this big.” You raise your servo from your knee and lower it down to show how tall you were as a sparkling. Optimus hums, you had a point there.

Optimus always saw hope in you. You might've been working for Megatron but you were raised by Megatronus. Every single encounter, Prime always tried his best to persuade you into seeing the evil of Megatron’s ways. He knows it would take time, Megatronus was your everything— caretaker, mentor, teacher— father.

But that was Megatronus, not Megatron.

“You were able to reform, redeem yourself. You were able to see that freedom is the right of all sentient beings despite being surrounded by those who think otherwise your entire life.” Optimus says with a serious tone, as if he needs you to understand just how important what you did was— You were proof that Decepticons could be redeemed, that they were not all lost.

You gave Optimus hope.

So to see you so hopeless was unacceptable.

“Yes but that.. that doesn't change what I've done and what I… lost.” Your voice is even quieter than before, as if you're afraid to say it out loud. Remembering what you've done under Megatron, how you helped him. A complicit part of the Decepticon uprising and movement in the early days, you helped propel the movement to please your spiraling father, only to hope it would make him feel somewhat better.

Your love was what blinded you.

But that's not how Prime sees it.

He looks at you confused and curious. Blue optics fixated onto your face as he captures how you seem to sulk with gloom. Optimus doesn't understand why you would think that, you were young and under Megatron’s care— helpless to Megatron’s whims. You would've done what you did one way or another.

“But you are another victim of Megatron.”

You couldn't keep it together anymore when he says what you've been trying to deny, trying to make it seem like it wasn't for so, so very long. You let out quiet sobs as you lean against his servo even harder, your own servos clinging onto it as coolant tears trickle down your faceplates.

Optimus doesn't intervene. The Prime knows you need this, he gently pats your shoulder plating as he allows you to cling onto him like a lifeline, pouring your sorrows and coolant tears onto his plating. He will let you take your sorrows out, he won't say a word unless you need him to.

Optimus had you now. Megatronus was long gone but in his place, you now had Optimus.

Even if it wasn't the same.

bonus:

how you feel when you see Megatron and Optimus fight

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I don’t have kids of my own, so I’m genuinely of two minds about it.

On the one hand, I have a legal responsibility to my clients that I wouldn’t to my own kids and vice versa. If my client is doing drugs, I not only have zero obligation to tell anyone about it or do anything, but I am forbidden from doing so. If, however, my own kid was doing drugs and I didn’t tell anyone or do anything about it, I would be on the wrong side of a child neglect report. When my one teenage client went on the run, she kept in touch with me because I couldn’t tell anyone where she was, even though there was a real possibility that she could die if she wasn’t found. My first obligation to a client is to advocate for what they want, not what’s best for them, even if what they want is the worst possible thing for them and even could lead to their death. I don’t think I could legally or morally do that with my own kids.

On the other hand, I strongly believe in letting kids have autonomy and the ability to make mistakes. I think kids should have stuff explained to them (even “non-age-appropriate stuff” like drug addiction) in a way that they understand, instead of keeping things from them. I think kids doing developmentally-appropriate stuff (not being the best at self-control or emotional control, testing rules, hanging out with people their parents don’t like, etc.) is normal and fine and that social skills are skills that can be learned, not something innate. So like, I don’t like the idea of being a helicopter parent out of a misplaced sense of it “being the best thing for them” or treating them as extensions of myself, but I know it’s possible that still might happen because of my obligation to protect them that I don’t have for my clients.

So, yeah, genuinely torn about how I’d handle things if I had my own kids.

When I am appointed to represent a child, my first action is to separate them from their parents and tell them the following things:

1. I am their attorney. I do not work for their parent or the judge or the cops. I don’t care what any of those people want.

2. My job is to listen to them and try and make what they want happen in court. (At this point I make a joke about how most people want me to get them out of trouble but if someone wanted to be in trouble I would do my best.)

3. What they tell me is confidential. It goes nowhere unless they agree to it. (If old enough, I talk to them about mandatory reporters, and how I’m a mandatory non reporter.)

4. I will give them lots of advice because I’ve been doing court for a while and I know a lot about it, and they don’t. It’s all really complicated, and if they don’t understand what’s happening it’s my job to help them figure it out.

5. They will make the decisions. (At this point I usually have to reassure them that I’ll help, I’ll speak for them in front of the judge, and I’ve got their back. It’s scary to have an adult say you’re in charge, most of the time.)

6. I tell them I know it’s absolutely wild to have some stranger come in here and say “hey, you can trust me!” and that I get if they don’t believe everything right away, because I plan to show them through my actions and my words that I’ll fight for them.

7. But nonetheless, I will treat them like a person who can make decisions, because they are living their life and I am not.

I do not:

Pretend to be cool.

Try to be their BFF.

Overwhelm them with detail.

Let their parents in the room until the kid asks for them. (I provide openings for this, and ask if the kid wants their parent to help them remember and understand.)

I want to emphasize I went into this job knowing nothing about how to interact with vulnerable populations, especially children. The training was minimal, and my role means that I can literally walk into a facility and get an unmonitored visit with a minor client one on one.

In my years of practice I have never felt threatened by a child, even one that was “violent” and “unstable.” It turns out just saying “hi, I think you’re a person with thoughts” is wildly successful? Now people treat me like I have special Child Whisperer powers. My powers are that I ask the child what’s up and I’m not scared to say things that are objectively awkward. I know nothing about anything.

[loreic]

The True Face: In-depth analysis

Okay now that I had a few hours to process all... that, I think I can analyze this objectively without crashing tf out 

Heavy, heavy analysis, speculation & theories ahead 

[Spoilers for the insane new Mizi comic obviously]

So the comic opens exactly where we left off after Weige right after Round 7 (the fact that Round 7, Weige, Arise and Walk, and now this happens in like the span of a few minutes is absolutely diabolical btw). Mizi is crashing tf out and just staring at Till’s blood literally on her hands, which immediately just shouts GUILT in all caps. 

We are then immediately jump scared by this.

Which is gonna give me nightmares for a whole week (thanks for that Vivinos), and sets the tone of this whole situation, giving us a glimpse at Mizi’s incredibly fragile mental state. Keep in mind that she had just had her life completely thrown upside down, witnessed Till get shot, then Hyuna two seconds later, all while still coming to terms with the fact Sua is gone. 

Girl is literally two seconds away from cracking. 

We then cut to a flashback set during their ANAKT Garden days. Considering how old they look and Sua later mentioning that they were running out of time and will have to take the stage soon, I’m suspecting this probably happened fairly recently, possibly within the year and not long before their graduation. 

The following sequence starts off tame enough, starting with this Luka-knockoff-looking ex-classmate cornering Mizi about her relationship with Till, which Mizi mistakenly assumed that he was asking about Sua. 

We come to find out Sua hasn’t been around much (god is anyone else kinda extremely creeped out by Neigh?), and that they have apparently been fighting. Which is rather interesting to me considering that mizisua has so far been portrayed like the perfect yuri couple doomed by the narrative (or at least slightly less convoluted and toxic when compared to ivantill and hyuluka anyway, ain’t nothing healthy in alnst). I do wonder what they were fighting about.

Then we get the whole heteronormality spiel from the Luka knockoff (which damn I could totally do a whole nother post on with how much lore that gave on life in general in the ANAKT Garden). Dude tries to confess, gets cut off, and things just immediately escalate from 1 to 10000. Like fking hell just look at this image: 

Luka knockoff goes on to accuse Mizi of being willingly oblivious to how half the boys have been crushing on her (keep in mind these kids raised by aliens with zero functional social cues or an accurate concept of how relationships are supposed to work), and Mizi absolutely loses it. 

I mean look at this face. 

Girl is Hyuna-grade levels of mentally unwell (I like how this seems to be a trend with vivinos, feeding us information about a character, lulling us into a false sense of security and then doing a complete 180 in their comics and giving them twenty different dimensions we never considered). She is literally having a mental breakdown and still trying to keep the friendly, innocent mask and smiling through it all, which just ends up coming off as slightly deranged.

Mizi ends up running to Sua (cue obvious unhealthy coping mechanism and codependency), and then she makes the mistake of using the exact same words Luka knockoff did 

It must be nice. 

Nice to remain willingly oblivious to it all, nice to be pretty enough to make others love you, nice to be loved by so many. That obviously wasn’t what Sua meant in her own context (it was also interesting to learn that Sua does envy Mizi to some degree, which I I think is a nice add that just makes her more human on a whole), and Mizi just reacts.

Considering how she immediately catches herself, I genuinely don’t think she meant it, but holy shit was that fked up. 

We’ve seen IvanTill fighting as kids and the whole thing with Luka and Hyunwoo that ended in tragedy but considering this and what the Luka knockoff did earlier, I’m getting the vibe that physical violence in the ANAKT Garden may be way more common than what we initially thought (or it could be that these poor kids have just never really properly grew out of that play-fighting-as-a-child phase, and it just escalated as they grew into young adults since corporal punishment from the aliens is normal and their humanity’s all kinds of screwed up) 

We then cut back to the present where we have apparition Sua accusing Mizi of being cunning, and ditching all of them. Now this took me a hot second to understand, because as far as we are concerned Sua was the one who left. She chose to die to save Mizi (and probably so that she didn’t have to deal with the pain of being the one left behind if we’re really going for that toxic angle). But then I realized I’m an idiot and that this was being written in Mizi’s pov and this version of Sua is literally a figment of her imagination and a personification of her guilt. 

Mizi still thinks she is responsible for Sua’s death. In that sense she did discard her for her own survival (unintentional or no) and on top of that she did leave the others. She did let herself be reduced by the rebels, she left Till and Ivan, all while knowing that they would most likely die. Is it her fault for being rescued? Hell no. But she definitely still feels guilty for leaving them. You could argue that she also, quite literally, ditched Hyuna in order to rush of to rescue Till, which indirectly ended up causing her death (It was Hyuna’s choice but Mizi sure as hell didn’t know that). 

We then cut to a flashback with Till (TILL IS ALIVE TRUST) and Mizi ends up confronting him, telling him that she loves Sua and asking if it is that hard to not like her. She asks him why he like her and Till (bro why) ends up responding with 

I mean, valid, but I think this properly confirms just how shallow Till’s love for Mizi is. He likes the idea of her, and though it doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t pure or true, it’s more of a crush really. Cute but almost entirely superficial, and just look how Mizi reacts: 

Her collar is RED. She knows people care and are attracted to her on a superficial level, that the Luka knockoff was right, but seems to decide to just ultimately let it be, to remain purposely oblivious. 

We cut back to the present and there we see apparition Sua has now become Mizi, the version of her from Round 1, the version of her that ‘killed’ Sua, which really just solidifies the fact that all that blue dialog is literally just her guilt taking.

This entire comic is basically centered around Mizi battling her survivor’s guilt, but honestly, as much as I hate to admit I think the Luka knockoff/evil Mizi were also right about her being purposely oblivious (to both her classmate’s affections and their situation on a whole). All the facts point to the fact that she was much more aware about everything than we were initially led to believe. I think she did have a vague inkling of what was going to happen, but ultimately decided to look away/remain in denial (I mean in hindsight how tf does one live 15-ish years in the Garden and not eventually find out the truth even by accident?). 

Evidence 1:  

First we have this with the Luka knockoff.

What a shame.

Shame she had to kill him? (lmao no, but am really frikin hoping she didn’t Hyunwoo him with how this guy pops up again with the back of his head broken in the subsequent art lol)

Not sure if I’m interpreting this one right, but I do think what she meant by it being a shame was the fact that he had to see her broken down this way. I do think this is the first time anyone actually noticed and called her out for her habit of remaining purposefully ignorant, hence the mental breakdown (also cause she got, you know, getting slapped in the face while she was at it). 

Also with how her collar light was green when talking about Sua but immediately turns red when Till is mentioned... yeah she's definitely not clueless about any of it.

Evidence 2: 

And then of course we have this whole sequence with Till. Hardly any explanation needed.

Basically both flashbacks imply that she is not nearly as ignorant and naive as she lets on (and what we as the audience were led to believe), but she puts on a harmless, innocent front. 

As for why she does it is pretty debatable, but I suspect that it was simply easier to remain blissfully ignorant, and it was just her way of coping with their less than ideal reality. I highly doubt she spent all that time taking advantage of being likable and playing dumb just so she could survive (again the one praising her for it is literally her guilt personified). Maybe a tiny part of her did subconsciously want to survive and decided to roll with it, but I think it’s pretty obvious she does genuinely care about the rest of her classmates and wasn’t actively trying to get them killed (unlike say Luka). 

What happened to Sua, Ivan, Till, and Hyuna definitely wasn’t her fault, but she isn’t entirely guiltless either. 

Honestly, I’m not too sure what to make of it, considering on one hand we have been led to believe that Mizi was this sole innocent girl who knew nothing about truth behind Alien Stage until Sua literally died in front of her, but on the other hand man do I love how we are getting more of layers to her character. 

[pannman]

What's on your mind

Yandere Radioapple x telapathic reader

This story it is evolving in a way I never expected

Pt 3

Part 2 here

TW: depressed/anxious thoughts, controlling behaviour, threats, blackmail

The weeks after Alastor ordered you to befriend Lucifer and use your psychic abilities on him, Lucifer grew very fond of you very quickly. You always knew what to say and you always understood what he needed. It was like you could read his mind. At least that was what Lucifers thoughts kept telling you. Of course he had no idea you could ACTUALLY read minds. He was so happy to have a friend for the first time in who knows how long.

Unbeknownst to him, you were secretly relaying every private and personal thought he had to Alastor. Not that you wanted to. You may be in hell but you genuinely felt bad about what you were doing. Lucifer was quite the overthinker and it was easy for him to get lost in a spiral of negative thoughts. Hearing all this pleased Alastor.

"It looks like I've got plenty of fuel to feed the fire of his own insecurities" Alastor said grinning. You had went to get lunch with him as usual to discuss Lucifer and his thoughts. Alastor treated this outing almost like a ritual. There was no man nor woman nor overlord who could keep him from this. He had frequently canceled on others in order to not miss a single lunch with you. "Now that we are done discussing the king, you won't believe how ridiculous Vox's latest trend is. He actually thinks people are going to wear these bracelets that spy on them and track their whereabouts! As if hypnotism and listening devices inside those tacky miniature picture boxes weren't enough"

He droned on and you unintentionally blocked him out. You couldn't stop thinking about poor Lucifer. He genuinely believed you were his friend. And meanwhile Alastor was reveling in learning all of his vulnerablilities. You may not be able to read Alastor's mind anymore but you could tell that he hated the idea of anyone being more powerful than him. Because it meant that if he ever needed to get the upperhand on Lucifer he was pretty much out matched. And this gave him a sense of no control. Alastor has always been just a control freak

"I say, are you even listening?" He asked impatiently, ripping you from you thoughts. You sure were glad HE wasn't psychic. "Huh? Sorry just a bit distracted" you replied. "Thinking about Lucifer are you? Feeling some guilt maybe?" Damn. He wasn't psychic but that didn't stop him from reading you like a book. You tried to deny it. "No... I just... I'm kind of tired so I keep spacing out" you lied. He narrowed his eyes clearly not buying it. "Well then let us get you back so you can rest. After all tomorrow is another day of traitorous treachery."

"Yeah, ok..." you stood up but Alastor did not. "You do know though. There shall be no getting attached to your target. That would be an absolute shame. Imagine the look on his face if I were to reveal our little secret." You instantly panicked. "But-but our deal was-" he cut you off. "Our deal was that I can only reveal my thoughts to you by my choice. You run errands for me and read minds at command. I also seem to remember the part of the deal where you are not allowed to lie to me. Now... its very obvious you lied a minute ago when I asked you if you were thinking of the king. Am I wrong?"

You didn't see any future where this ends well so you admitted you lied to him. "No you're right I'm sorry. Please don't tell him. He's a good guy" you pleaded with him. He smiled maliciously slowly thinking it over. "I dont know... I think if you're getting too invested it might be time to put an end to it. I mean I do have plenty of ammo already why would I need any more?" He tormented. You grew mortified at the thought of Lucifer discovering the truth and how much it would hurt his already low self esteem. "Please! I'm sorry! I'll do anything just don't!" You begged. He smirked at your response.

"Anything? Well then I do think you deserve to be punished" he was taking too much enjoyment out of this. "What? What are you gonna do to me?" You asked. He chuckled at the fear in your voice. "All I want from you is more services. As your punishment I'd like you to be my assistant for a while. Clean for me, file papers, follow me at my heel to assist in whatever I need from you. Once I believe you have worked hard enough I'll consider your punishment over."

You knew he was simply tightening his leash on you but you couldn't stand the thought of hurting Lucifer. You couldn't let word get out about your powers either. You agreed to take your punishment

The following days led you to spend less time with Lucifer and more with Alastor who definitely put you to work. He threw things around and made a mess as he pleased then ordered you to clean it up, he wrote whole ass scripts for his radio broadcasts and made you stay up all night memorizing them (for who knows what reason), he made you get him coffee every morning and pick up his dry cleaning

Every second you weren't busy he found something for you to do. And he insisted you stick by his side in case he needed you. When you finally did get a day off Lucifer wanted to go out and feed the ducks. You agreed because you sort of missed him.

"So... you been spending a lot of time with Alastor lately..." he had definitely noticed you drifting away from him and closer to Alastor. Though you wished you could tell him you'd rather spend time with him. "Yeah... its just complicated" you were too exhuasted to think of a proper lie. Lucifer's thoughts were just as insecure as ever

*are they afraid to say they dont want to be around me anymore...*

*maybe I'm pushing them to hard*

*they won't tell me things... I thought we were close. Its been so hard moving to the hotel. I don't know anybody and pretending to be okay all the time is too much. Its just too much. But I felt like I could... be myself around them..."

"I hope they didn't stop hanging out with me because I scared them away... maybe I am too much*

You wished you could have just one break from hearing everyone's thoughts. Hearing someone's true feelings made you more empathetic but it was also emotionally taxing. You once again tried to put Lucifer at ease. "I'm glad you asked me to come. I know I've been pretty busy but I missed hanging out with you." You tossed some seeds to the ducks. Lucifers frown grew into a soft smile. His face was so gentle and pretty. Oh no...

Lucifer responded with a hint of relief in his voice. "Sometimes I think... I made you up in my head and you're not real." He immediately turned his head and yanked on his hat. Thoughts whipping around in his head like a tornado

*what was THAT?!?*

*WHO SAYS THAT?!?*

*They're gonna think I'm some kind of FREAK!*

*why do I wanna kiss them so bad right now?!?*

He turned to you face flustered gold "-YOu know what! Forget I said that, that was... weird. I'm weird. That was jus-" you cut him off with a kiss.

He melted into it. You felt him release all his tension and all his thoughts suddenly stopped. You felt yourself become calmest you've ever been in this moment. Lucifer finally pulled away and looked deeply into your eyes. "That was... huh? Alastor?" Lucifer peered behind you. You whipped around to see Alastor standing behind you and he looked absolutely visceral. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything! I just needed to borrow y/n and get their help with something in my radio tower" he grabbed you and started to drag you away.

"Hey! Asshole! You can't just drag them off like that! We were in the middle of something" Lucifer poofed and appeared in front of Alastor blocking his path. "Right... you were in the middle of being kissed out of pity by my friend here. Honestly you are so pathetic no wonder they feel sorry for you." Damn it. You had told Alastor pretty much every insecurity that Lucifer had. You may have had a deal with him but you couldn't stand there and watch

"Thats not true! I really like you Lucifer!" Alastors grip grew tighter and your arm started to ache. "Careful, you remember what we discussed about... getting attached to your target" Alastor was ready to let it all out. "Shut up Alastor!" You cried. "What is he talking about?" Lucifer asked. "I'm talking about how our little friend can read minds and has been reading yours for me for quite some time now..."

"....what?"

[thesituationship]

I wanna add to the evil post-canon Billford aus!!! not sure what to call this one, self help au?

Bill learns in theraprism that throwing parties and taking over the universe wasn't making him happy. All he really needed was family uwu. So he escapes and rocks up to ford like 'I'm gonna live with you now and if you've got a problem with it, I'm going to kill everyone and then myself. It's called personal growth, sweaty' and Ford is not allowed to explain anything to anyone.

Bill is so obnoxious about it, because he's just suuuuch a good person now. He's so kind and empathetic for not murdering people and causing the apocalypse. And he uses the most judgy hypocritical therapy speak. Everyone is extremely suspicious but any resistance is met with accusations from bill of being a manipulative gaslighting narcissist.

To Stan, Dipper, and Mabel's horror, Ford doesn't seem to be resisting at all. In reality he's hiding how scared and confused he is. He doesn't understand why Bill isn't destroying the world, and instead playing happy families like they're his dolls. He refuses to believe it's because Bill genuinely wants a different life so desperately that he's inserting himself into the pines dynamic just to feel something

[cityofmeliora]

Hiiii, Radley! Anon who asked this question here: https://www.tumblr.com/cityofmeliora/785286868641136640/bestie-you-said-finally-twice-lksdfjdksj?source=share

Okay, okay, so I understood what you said in this answer, but I'd like to know what the relationship is between Copia and his mother. Based on the answer you gave in the linked post as well as gifs and posts that I've seen, I'm thinking it's somewhat neutral? It confuses me kind of, lol.

it's hard to say... it's kind of strained and weird for a lot of reasons, and there are a lot of ways to interpret it.

Cardi didn't learn Sister Imperator was his mother until he was 51 years old. we don't currently know why people were hiding this information from him for so long, and we don't know how he ended up learning the truth.

Sister Imperator comic #3 shows Sister gave birth to Cardi in Los Angeles and then brought him to eastern europe to be raised by Nihil's sister, Marika. in Chapter 20, we learn that Marika married Mr. Psaltarian and they raised Cardi together. Sister didn't raise Cardi, and his family lied to him about his parentage his entire life. we don't know how or when Sister ended up meeting Cardi again, but they ended up working together in the Ministry.

obviously, when you suddenly find out your boss / coworker has secretly been your mother all along, that makes things weird.

after Cardi learned Sister and Nihil are his parents, Sister kind of just expects them to all start acting like a family together, despite the fact that Cardi and Nihil were not aware they're related until recently. Sister has seemingly always given Cardi special treatment, as shown by her decision to promote him to leader of the band in Prequelle Era, and the way she talks to him / about him is somewhat affectionate / parental in the early Chapters. even though he was in his 50s at the time, she treated him more like a child after it was revealed she's his mother; buying him a new tricycle and telling him "You'll always be my Little Cardi."

Cardi seems to be closer to Sister than he is with Nihil (his relationship with Nihil is often openly hostile toward each other), but Cardi ironically accepts Nihil as a parent more easily than he accepts Sister as a parent? since Cardi found out Sister and Nihil are his parents, he's been referring to Nihil as his father and calling him "dad", etc. but Cardi has never referred to Sister as his mother or called her "mom" or anything like that, even after he found out.

and it doesn't help that Sister is kind of just incapable of communicating normally with anyone. the comics show she has a history of being weird and cagey and evasive and secretive. she always has some master plan / vision behind everything she does, but she refuses to elaborate or explain to the people that she asks to play along, like Nihil and Cardi. this leads to situations such as Cardi genuinely fearing for his life and believing that his parents were going to murder him. he had reason to believe that could happen because they did kill Papas 1, 2, and 3. of course, Sister never ever had plans to hurt or kill Cardi, but he was afraid because she said things that made him think it could happen, and she just never told him that they weren't going to kill him! throughout RITE HERE RITE NOW, Sister keeps saying a bunch of cryptic stuff to Cardi about accepting the end of his time as Papa that makes him think he's going to be killed and needs to accept his death, only for her to totally fake him out at the end and tell him through a letter that she's actually promoting him to boss of The Clergy. oh, also, she didn't tell him that she was sick and dying. he watched his mother suddenly drop dead right in front of him! because he doesn't understand her decisions, Cardi might find it difficult to trust Sister, but he still listens to her and goes along with what she says anyway...

Sister has genuine love for Cardi, but obviously she's not actually close to him at all due to the fact that she didn't raise him and he only knew her as his boss for decades, not his mother. i think part of why Cardi just lets all this crazy stuff happen around him is because he wishes he was able to have a real relationship with his parents, and that makes him want to forgive them for all the problems...

idk! it's all really weird!

[bitofanupsidedowner]

the thing about mike and el's relationship is that even if you ignore the fact he's paralleled with her father figures (and father figures in general) and even if you ignore that those parallels tend to crop up when mike is behaving poorly, even if you ignore mike and el constantly being compared to siblings through the dialogue, framing, and general implications, even if you stuck your head in the sand and ignored the gaycoding mike's been a subject of since s1

a relationship between el and anyone that started in season one was always going to feel weird and read as a little creepy. el is ET, mike is elliott, and a pretty big element to that dynamic is they don't fall in love.

el was basically an amnesiac. she had almost no awareness about even the most base level things to the point she is DIRECTLY compared to holly. the way that mike talks to her seems a lot more "teaching a toddler" than "talking to a friend." it's inherently unromantic to have to teach someone basic concepts like privacy, friendship, promises.

romance can't be healthy unless the two characters are on the same awareness level and possess approximately the same information and power. there is a huge gap in what mike and el each know about the world. and the more el learns to communicate, the less she and mike actually seem to get along. he liked teaching her but he does not know how to relate to her.

it's unromantic to have a character who spent her whole life bouncing between the mercy of one man to another. brenner, vecna, benny, hopper, each of these men (aside from benny) leveraged their power over her at one point in a way that made her feel unsafe and powerless. she can't go from that to a relationship with the first boy she meets. she didn't even know what romance was, yet, and people genuinely expect her to marry this guy eventually??

mike became her fixation in season two because he represented freedom, but she didn't even know if she liked kissing him, didn't like the things he liked. she didn't even know she was allowed to like her own things while she was already in a relationship. that's not healthy. she seems to realize it on some level since she described mike as her "first" boyfriend and wasn't sad when they broke up.

when el tells mike she doesn't like his music he doesn't ask her what she likes. when it's time to get a gift for her he has no idea what it should be and needs lucas to tell him. so he's just... never asked. i feel like so many issues between el and mike are because mike assumes she's going to be like the rest of the party (namely will) and that things will come naturally to her regarding him, and they can't. it honestly it's such a lonely relationship for both of them it's just... very karen and ted.

[ill-kidnap-all-the-stars]

I've never really been a Spirk shipper but I think that as many are validates my belief that Shatner was actually a pretty good actor on Star Trek. I'm honestly not even sure how he got the reputation of being a bad actor.

Revealing how much of a rock my not participating in pop culture has left me under because I genuinely had no idea people thought he was a bad actor. Like, the man packs so much emotion into a single expression that even I, autistic and generally unable to read facial cues, can pick up on it. Idk if it's because tos is just a very dramatic show but tbh I'd say that's because it's more that it's stylised (or at least, appears stylised to us 60 years later) than that anyone is overacting or acting badly. Maybe it's spillover from people not liking him as a person and trying to justify it by saying “well, he was never a good actor anyway” but the bottom line is that I'm kinda shocked to learn that people think he's a bad actor. As you said, he managed to convince thousands of people that Kirk was in love with Spock

[4-6-1-3-7]

Vecna is a memory thief theory 🕓🧠

(this is not a new theory by any means, I just wanted to write my take on it because I’ve been thinking about it all day, mild spoilers for ‘the first shadow’ and the s5 trailer)

In season 2 When Will is hospitalised at Hawkins Lab following the tunnel incident, Bob finally is told the truth about everything that’s going on. He’s clearly in shock, nothing like this ever happens in Hawkins right? Or at least that’s what everyone thinks, so of course Bob had no idea what was going on, and Joyce says he’ll most likely have to sign NDAs like everyone else and never talk about it to anyone outside of the group.

This scene makes perfect sense with everything else we’ve been shown up until that point, Bob is almost standing in for the audience here, a lot of us could relate to his statement as that’s probably what we’d say too in that situation, finding out about the upside down.

However in season 4 we learn about Vecna, how he’s been the one behind it all, almost every weird thing that’s ever happened in Hawkins dating all the way back to the 50s as a young Henry Creel.

It’s established that he can look through memories, and that’s how he picks his victims (possibly even why Will was sent to the upside down in season 1, he was chosen, it wasn’t coincidence) he looks for people who are already struggling, easy targets, less likely to run.

In season 1 we see Dr. Brenner testing Elevens abilities, it’s shown again in season 4 with the other children, and we know he did these same tests on Henry. Each child seems to have slight variations in these abilities, so with Henry being able to access memories it’s not much of a stretch to assume Brenner trained him to erase unwanted ones, like government secrets etc.

So… back to Bob.

He clearly wasn’t aware of anything strange going on, however in season 4 we learn about what happened in the Creel house in 1959, Bob was 12 when this happened, and would have heard about it. It’s clear the details were at least somewhat publicly known too, as when Wayne Munson sees what’s happened to Chrissy in his trailer he immediately connects the dots. So Bob surely would have remembered something so horrifying that happened in his small town when he was a kid right?

Okay well maybe he didn’t learn the details, maybe he just thought it was a normal murder I mean it was 25 years ago so maybe he genuinely just forgot right? WRONG! How could he just forget?? His adopted sister Patty was in a relationship of sorts with Henry Creel, one of the supposed ‘victims’ of the supernatural crime!! His goddamn sister!!!

Bob is shown to be intelligent, Bob The Brain, he obviously would have looked into what happened in the Creel house and he would have remembered it!! He wouldn’t have said what he said to Joyce, would he have been shocked? Yes, but not completely thrown off, he would have probably immediately recalled what happend in 1959. This is if he still had his memory of it.

Now I’ve not seen “the first shadow” stage play yet, I really want to so I’m not gonna spoil myself too much but that’s where we learn about his sister and her relationship to Henry, and I also know that Bob, Joyce & Hopper were all investigating bizarre happenings in Hawkins, so he DID know there was weird stuff going on, so why is he suddenly clueless?

Well because Henry has obviously wiped his memory of it, as well as Joyce and Hoppers, however it seems Hopper’s more aware than he lets on. We all know by now how big of an inspiration Stephen King was on the Duffers when creating Stranger Things, and in IT there’s a similar concept with memories, almost an inverse actually.

The adults in IT just completely forget about all of the weird stuff once they leave Derry. Only Mike, who stays, can remember and he has to jog the memory of the rest of the losers club. And in Hawkins all of the adults just seem to have forgotten about all of the weird stuff from their childhood, but Hopper, who has spent the most time away from Hawkins, seems to know the most. 

He seems to be remembering things in season 1 and that’s perhaps how he manages to evade issues with Hawkins Lab, striking a deal with them, maybe he had information they needed regarding what happened in 1959, idk?

He somehow manages to get them to leave El alone and after he goes looking for her in the woods then takes her to his cabin to live with him… he MUST know something, I think he’s the most clued in out of all the adults.

We know he’s teamed up with El in season 5, perhaps he has knowledge that will help her to defeat Henry but we’ll just have to wait and see.

Anyway~ mini rant over, I wonder if anyone actually read this whole thing lol

Bonus Update:

This could maybe also explain ‘birthday gate’ as well as why Vecna started his killings after Mike left for California.

Mike is the only person I can’t quite understand forgetting Will’s birthday, it’s so out of character for him. Especially with him visiting for spring break, it was clearly planned that he’d be going for Will’s birthday, and yet he just forgets?

Mike definitely has a lot of trauma, he’s a perfect fit for becoming a Vecna victim so he was definitely looking through Mikes memories. Vecna would have seen that he was planning to visit Will and Eleven for spring break, and we know those are the two characters Vecna has the most interest in.

Making Mike forget Will’s birthday would break him, he probably feels so alone especially since everyone else seemed too preoccupied to remember either. But Mike forgetting would probably hurt the most, especially since he went to visit him during it and had no idea. Making Will even easier to manipulate, giving him fresh trauma that Vecna can use against him.

This could be why Vecna started his killing spree after Mike left, Will and El would obviously try to save their friends and come back to Hawkins, so having Will feel like his friends don’t even care about him in time for him to get back to Hawkins would help Vecna break him down even further so Vecna can get in his head and possibly turn him against the group.

It could even be a contribution as to why Mike was acting so weird in the airport, he’s forgotten how to act around Will, forgotten how much he cares. And possibly even why Mike has stayed with El for so long despite not loving her back, making him forget his love for Will.

I’ll keep adding if I think of more stuff, this is just a personal little hypothesis collection now I guess.

[angstfactory]

Winter wanted to excuse away how wrong all of this was. Maybe, even, he wasn't wrong. After all, he would know far better than Tripps would, how his parents were. The guy seemed genuine, the way he championed them and claimed they were good people. "Yeah well," he murmured then, trying to see it from Winter's and his parents' perspective, "I guess it sounds like you've been dealing with this for a long time.. and life doesn't just stop and all, so.. maybe they don't got much choice, to keep on and hope you'll be okay." Honestly, now that his initial shock of it all had worn off, Tripps found he could relate and believe these words more than he realized at first.

Because weren't his parents doing the same thing? They had stuck with him, through thick and thin, his entire life trying to help him get hold of those damn allergies and lose the weight — but at some point, those training wheels had definitely come off, where Tripps had become more independent and learned to do it all more on his own, instead. His parents were still in the picture, they were only a phone call away or he could run home to them any time he needed a hug or something, at least. So maybe their situations weren't all so different, and he needed to back off the guy's parents for dealing with an already shitty situation the only way that made sense: by continuing. That initial frustration at their lack of presence ebbed away, especially with Winter's say that it was okay.

It may not really be that okay, but that didn't mean they were really to blame for it, either. He was sure none of them had asked for Winter to be caught up in this strange and tragic situation.

A startled laugh came out of Tripps, which he covered by quickly taking a healthy swig of juice as he considered how to answer that question. Winter had been so honest and upfront with him, it seemed. He felt guilty, to want to hide himself away and continue on being the charming, hot guy that Winter appeared so taken by. What would happen if he dropped the bomb that yeah, actually, he was allergic to bees and quite a few other things, in fact. And hey, did you know he used to be the chubby kid everyone used to make fun of back in the day? Or how about how his whole persona today was nothing more than a smokescreen of what he thought others would think was cool and attractive? That he only got into music because it made him look hot?

Somehow, he just didn't think Winter would be so into a nerdy guy that secretly wanted to be a comic book illustrator, and enjoyed dorky stuff like Dungeons and Dragons or sci-fi shows. He doubted Winter would find it so hot, that he had to keep an epi-pen on hand and could hardly stand to look himself in the mirror, let alone want anyone to see him naked. Nah, it was better to keep up the fantasy, because reality bites.

"Ha, yeah," Tripps licked juice from his lips, shooting a sudden grin towards Winter as he played it off like a joke, "I totally look like someone allergic to bees, right? In fact, I can't even go outside, I break out in hives just thinking about it." He gave Winter a playful nudge in the arm with his elbow, to show he was teasing. "Bees are fine," he said then, smiling, but shrugging. "They're cute and all, but I'm not going to go out there making friends with them. Those stingers hurt. I don't like bugs." He paused, "Insects? Both.." He shook his head. "You know what I mean," he laughed. "But hey, it's cool you like them? I never met anyone who was into beekeeping as a hobby, so like, that's pretty unique and stuff. How'd you even know you wanted to get into something like that?

Tripps gave a discreet cough into his arm as he mumbled something like, "Oh yeah, I knew that" when Winter gently corrected that it was called quilting. There was a pink stain to his cheeks, feeling stupid. Of course, quilting. "And here's another thing you do," he went on, like that embarrassment never happened, touching the guilt they sat on. "Never met anyone who quilted, either. Who taught you?" This memory thing, it was so puzzling to Tripps. "It's interesting, that there's stuff you do remember and other stuff you don't, and even more that you forget.. I can't imagine the noise in your head over it." He shook his head, even as he was trying to imagine it.

But then Winter loomed into his space to plant a sweet kiss on his lips, and it distracted him from trying to imagine that. Visibly, Tripps looked uncertain of the moment, because it was how he actually felt. "It's okay," he said, which was the truth. The kiss itself wasn't what bothered him; it was nice, he liked being kissed. "I just —" he rubbed the side of his neck, once again feeling the swell of guilt inside, "— I made all those jokes about how I'd get you to remember who I was because I didn't take you seriously, and thought we'd come back here to just make out or something... But now.." Tripps took another long drink of juice, before he held the glass in lap with both hands, looking down. "It feels like I'd be taking advantage of you and I ah, don't want to be someone that'd do something like that."

Tripps was right: Winter hadn't really thought about how his parents had kind of abandoned him. But it wasn't so black and white either. "They didn't leave at first," Winter told Tripps, "and then they would take turns. But they never got to see each other, and I saw how hard it was for them to be apart, so I told them it was okay. I said I was fine." He wasn't fine though, he was just getting through this day by day, which was not the same thing. "They're not terrible people," Winter insisted, and he meant it. "Maybe...this is shitty, I can see that now. But they're not bad people, and they do love me." Winter wasn't just saying this either - he believed it completely. What Tripps had said was true, but so was what Winter had said. It seemed like the other man felt badly too, but Winter wasn't mad at him. Tripps had only been getting defensive on his behalf, and it actually meant quite a bit that Tripps felt even a little bit protective of him. Feeling a surge of affection for the other man, Winter just hugged him close. "I like how solid you are," Winter said softly. "It's nice. And yeah, I'm okay."

Laughing at Tripps's accent, Winter grabbed a glass and poured some juice into it, handing it to his friend. That's what they were, Winter decided: they were friends at least, and maybe they had been more, or could be. Right now Winter just wanted to spend time with Tripps and feel like a normal person for once. The pair made their way to Winter's bedroom, and once Tripps was sitting on the bed, Winter wondered if this was the first time, not just for Tripps to be in his bed but for any guy. Winter knew he'd been with guys before of course, but had Tripps been in his bed? Had he even been in his bedroom? There was so much about their relationship that remained a mystery for Winter. Smiling at Tripps's comment, Winter nodded. "Yeah, I am," he confirmed. "It's kind of my passion. Do you just not like bees, or are you allergic?" Like Tripps, Winter was amused by their difference of opinions on the matter, and while waiting for Tripps to answer, Winter removed his notebook from his back pocket and prepared to write down the other man's answer.

"I made it, yeah," Winter answered, running his hand over the quilt. "It's not knitting," he explained, "it's...well, quilting. It's kind of its own thing, though there's a lot of sewing involved. I'm a seamster at The Cozy Quilt, so I'm good with this sort of thing. I'm glad I remember how to do it and everything about beekeeping." Winter didn't know why he remembered both things so well, but he was grateful for it; otherwise he'd feel even more lost. For a few moments, Winter just looked at the quilt, lost in thought. He knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn't sure if Tripps was feeling the same way. What the hell? he thought, and then before he could talk himself out of it, Winter leaned in and pressed a kiss to the other man's lips. It was firm yet sweet, and Winter smiled tentatively when he pulled back. "Was that okay?" he asked the man.

[gnc-tits]

i have to write an essay today and like. i overall have enjoyed the professors classes but mostly just bcoz theyve been asynch. the professor…..idk maybe itd be different if it were taught in person or multi modal with a set class Time but overall she is just not tht great at teaching 😭which is FINE like im fine with teaching myself especially for a lit class but also??? this essay is a “literary analysis” and not only is the rubric ultra fuckin specific with what we have to write about but its also broken down by paragraph structure like in the rubric she Tells you what to write about paragraph by paragraph. like what are we even doing here

[thanatos-zagreus-shagreus]

had the idea of adding the glyphs from the owl house onto my denim jacket so I taught myself embroidery and did this as a first project!

here's hoping I'm not gonna randomly glow/freeze/burn alive/have a plant grow out of my shoulder I guess?

Close-ups, pic in sunlight (showing the proper colours), and fire glyph progress pics under the cut I swear I also took progress pics of the other glyphs but I can't find them rn

they're all about 5 cm in diameter and I personally think the ice glyph came out a little wobbly but it was my first embroidery ever and the fabric on that part of the jacket is also a little wobbly so I'm happy with the result

the lovely yellow lighting in my room is biting me in the ass rn bc the yellow and green are a lot lighter irl and the blue and red are a bit more vibrant

here's a photo I took in the sun that captures the colours better!

the fire glyph was the last one! I believe there were like two and a half months between finishing the third glyph and starting this one oops (but also yay bc the weather was amazing this weekend so I did a large chunk of the fire glyph while sitting in the sun!)

and a picture of the shoulder while I'm wearing the jacket! though normally the position of the fire glyph falls a little less front-facing (which is great irl bc that way it looks more interesting from the side and back instead of just from the front)