#like him being a twink makes no sense. he spends all his time running around and swinging huge weapons why is he so small

[solar4seekstron]

(Requested) I Still Love You Part 2

TFRID 2015!Optimus Prime x Cybertronian!GN!Reader Oneshot

Part One

Content: 16+, Reunion is perfect for reader and OP here.

Introduction Movies/Series Oneshot Masterlist

TW/Tagss: Small cursing, mostly angst and wholesomeness, Cute sparkling moment at end. You’re welcome, sad op, happy op!, Bee is literally their adopted child watching his parents get back together, that’s pretty much it someone said i sucked at writing so no sex in this one.

Note: Mind you in the first chapter before he got his glow up that made him bigger then Megatron. Reader was basically the same height as Optimus was to Megatron. Like a couple feet? Hope that makes sense…. Remember this for later in the story. :3

Also I just see Optimus in this as he does in the prime series. And you can agree or not no shade to anyone who likes this look of Op in this series. But- I honestly hate the way he was designed. They made him so ugly. Bring back Prime!Optimus, I miss that twink!!

It’s been years. So long since the start of a new era for Cybertronians for you and the other Autobots.

You continued to work alongside Bee and the others.

Even helping him when he was chasing a certain red bot alongside with his rooki…Well? If you were being totally honest you were just passing by with some energon and noticed the red car when he almost ran you over.

He was able to miss you when you transformed so he’ll go over you. Then transforming and seeing a way to stop hi with a short cut. Bee far behind.

Slowly getting closer. From there you would run into bee and say your hellos while his rookie tried to talk all high up with the red bot.

After Bee would leave to handle the situation after seeming off.

He said he said Optimus. But that couldn’t be possible. Could it? You didn’t pay much mind and went your seperated way.

Time went by and appearently Bee was back on earth.

You decided to pay him a visit and you stayed with him ever since. You honestly didn’t spend much time on earth while you were with the decepticons still.

It was honestly very peaceful. The two small humans were very sweet and you got along with the other bots with Bee. The red bot Sideswipe at times flirting and the blue bot Strongarm doing the same.

Now that you think about it. You haven’t seen Arcee, Bulkhead, and Ratchet for years.

One day while out for patrol and dealing with the decepticon Thunderhoof. Who was able to catch you by surprise. You were able to get a good punch in him though.

But before you could call for a pick up. Steel jaw was able to get behind you and pin you down. This is his first time fighting you.

Since your were bigger the two kinda struggled. Thunderhoof kind of having.

Better hand since he was stronger.

After a bit of back and forth, the two were able to escape. You then made your way to the base to the others. You rubbed the back on your helm as you spoke.

Looking down. Little did you know Bee was talking to a certain bot after a certain even that happened while you weren’t around.

“Hey Bee, I’m sorry I’m so late, I was just-“

You stared with wide optics in shock. Bee and the others standing behind him. Fixit and the humans slowly backing up. Optimus.

YOUR Optimus was standing there with wide optics. Almsot sad.

It was silent for a good moment. Bee trying to break the ice. “Uhhh.” Bee said uncertain. Optimus glancing at him for a moment. You then spoke with a sigh.

”Bee if this is some sick joke? Nice try new prototype but it already took me so long to accept his death. So.”

You have walked up to him and gently poked his chest. Optimus just staring down at you with a frown. You’d then walk past them.

Trying to hold in your tears as you made it into you private sleeping quarts in the base.

Everyone having their own with locks on them.

You leaned against the wall next to your berth on the floor. Sliding down as the memories of the old him before his death started to appear into your mind. Tears slowly falling down your cheeks.

Little did you know, Optimus was standing just outside your door. Able to hear your soft cries. Unsure of what to do. His cervo up, looking like he’s about to knock.

He then slowly backed away. You needed time to process. He undertstood that..

——————————————————————————

Later that night. Another signal of decepticons was found. You walked out and spoke to bee, he was surprised. Telling you it was Steeljaw and Thunderhoof once more.

You just nodded and thought. Already knowing Optimus was somewhere ont he other side of the junkyard talking to the humans.

At least that’s what you heard.

You spoke to Bee who seemed unsure. “I’m more recharged. I can handle those two cons easy.”

You gave him your usual smile. He just sighed and gave you permission. You drove off just as Optimus was making his way to Bee and the others as you left.

Sad as he spoke to bee and the others around about where you were going.

He then drove after you. Bee and the others watching.

The other bots with curious optics. While Bee watches with worry. You continue to drive, getting closer to the two cons who were waiting for you.

You’d then transform behimnd the cons, taking them by surprise and pointing your blaster behind their helm.

One thing led to another. Steeljaw trying to smooth talk you.

Giving Thunderhoof the chance to jump you. But Optimus was able to get there soon and stop him.

You and Optimus able to hold yourselves against the cons even as back up came. He tried to speak to you.

Like watch out for that punch or kick.

You did but never responded and knock out two cons.

The others retreating, able to take their passed out cons with them. You and Optimus stood there for a moment. A bit out of it while putting your swords and blaster away.

You were the first to speak. “I’m getting too old for this. I’m too rusty.”

You started to walk away. Optimus seeing and walked closer. Then grabbed your wrist stopping you as he spoke.

“Y/N please, will you just speak to me? I know this is a lot. But I really am here and I just….I..” You turned to look at him with a blank expression. Then spoke once more once you pulled your wrist back.

”Look I don’t know wat sick joke my mind is playing with me. Trying so hard to convince me that you’re real but I ain’t falling for it! So do us both a favor. And leave. Me. Alone.”

You then walked away into the forest to where the cons went. But as you got deeper.

Optimus stopped you. Wrapping his arms around you from behind. His helm lowered to be next to yours. His dermas against your shoulder as you were lifted in the air because of him.

You then spoke as your legs moved. Your arms trapped thanks to his arms around you. “Let me go! You aren’t real!”

You continue to struggle and slowly started to cry.

Eventually your struggle slows down as tears fall down.

Optimus slowly kneeling down with you gently. You now sitting with your back against his frame. He continues to gently hold you. Staring down at you with soft optics.

You continue, all the built up pain and tears building up.

You then slowly turning your frame half way to face him as your cervos gently hit his chest. His arms remains around you.

Gently placing soft kisses against your helm. You speaking between sobs as your optics remain shut.

”You’re suppose to be dead! You- you aren’t-….you aren’t….”

You continue to struggle. Optimus just watching you, until you calmed down. Kissing your forhelm as the sun slowly got closer to sunset.

After a few minutes, you slowly calmed down.

Just resting against his larger frame now while his cervo gently rubbed your back.

The other on your lower back holding you close.

As you slowly calmed down and wiped away your tears. You slowly looked up at him and asked with a quiet voice.

“How?”

He then responded. His voice still deep and soft as always. But almost in a whisper to match you.

“The Primes believe you and Bee will need me for what is to come. I know this is a surprise, my sweetsaprk.”

You let out a soft sigh. Slowly closing your optics as your helm rests against his chest.

You both stayed that way for a while. The sun only a few minutes from setting. You then open your optics and speak to him. You both talking for the next ten minutes about everything.

When he passed. How you tried to move on. How you both left things pretty much unfinished since dying for the lives of Cybertron to be born.

The conversation becoming more and more heartfelt.

As the sun was setting at last. You both finally descided that there is a chance once more for the both of

you. Just llike it was years ago before. Both of you agreeing to reconnect once more and work together at least. Since it seems he wont be going anywhere for now.

You both then watching the sun set. The sky finally dark and the city quiet. Still in his arms as you rest your helm and frame still against his.

His own cervos amd arms keeping you almost warm and close. That is until his cervo moved to your chin and gave your dermas a gentle kiss. You both taking in this moment for a little while longer.

You placed a cervo on his cheek while the other remains on his chest.

The kiss continued for a while. Optimus soon getting a comm call by Bee asking where they were. Optimus then answered letting him know you both were fine.

Just talking things out. He was telling half of the truth.

When he disconnects the call, he returns to giving you soft kisses. This continueing for a good while.

—————————————————————————-

After an hour you and Optimus drove together back to the base. You both being the complete opposite then when he first came to the base. Making the bots very confused. Bee though was basically over it at this point.

Your and Optimus relationship continued to grow and get along. You two becoming Conjunx once more after a few months went by. Primus you missed feeling him…

———————————————————-————————

A year went by since you all continued to stay on earth.

One day, while you and Optimus were out on a small well deserved date. The cons were able to get an upper hand on the bots with a weapon that caught them off guard.

Thunderhoof and Steeljaw started walking around as the others stayed to make sure the bots don’t escape.

They then open your shared sleeping quarters hoping to find the both of you asleep since it was quiet. But instead there was just a rather larg crib with a peaceful little sparkling sleeping in the dark.

The two cautiously walking in. They then looked at the sparkling. Steeljaw then speaking. Being very stunned.

“Wow she’s a….perfect mix of the two.”

That’s when the sparkling woke up and saw them.Soon starts giggling and reaching for then. Steeljaw then picking her up and letting her gently nibble on his sharp digit while he grins.

Thunderhood then spoke. Not always thinking about the tone of his voice.

”Damn! Big red and blue bot already got to her before us! Created a cutes baby at that no doubt.”

His voice caused her to start crying. Steeljaw chuckling and trying to calm her down as he held her up while Thunderhoof covered his audio sensors. “Now now little one, don’t want your carrier and sire to know you’re in danger now do you?”

She continued while Steeljaw slowly got annoyed. When Thunderhoof noticed a shadow he turned around and froze.

Then pushing his cervo on Steeljaw shoulder gently. When Steeljaw turned as he looked annoyed. Only for him to freee in terror when he saw you both. You with your cervos on your hips and Optimus looked madder.

His cervos clenching tightly as he stared down at the two.

The little sparkling then starts giggling when she saw you both. Even reaching while Steeljaw slowly sets her back into her crib and slowly backed up with Thunderhoof who looked terrified.

Optimus then closing the door behind him while you pulled out your sword. Both of your optics bright and angry. While Thunderhoof and Steeljaw started shaking.

Their optics bright as well.

The others were already saved and started locking up the others as they heard the commotion from the shared sleeping quarters. After what seemed like a whole minute. You walking out with your sparkling in your arms giggling and cooking.

Optimus behind you dragging Steeljaw by the tail and Thunderhoof by the antlers.

Both passed out. A least now the two know to never mess with the former leader of the Autobots and the former decepticon generals sparkling.

Ever again.

Since y’all are begging for a second part and a reunion, I decided to finally make a part two. Didn’t feel right to make it where there’s reunion sex and all. So I hope this was still enjoyable. I can def see reader and Optimus bring very protective parents.

I hope you guys enjoyed this and as always a repost is appreciated! Hope you guys have a good rest of your day and see y’all I’m the next fic.

[buttercreamdicks]

I guess if I am going to gather my thoughts about Link and the Eagle, I first have to gather my thoughts about Link and gender and expression. I have been through a lot of fandoms, I have been through a lot of ships, and I have always been against the oft-pervading logic that "This man is gay because [insert stereotypes of gay men performing femininized behaviors or underperforming masculinized behaviors]." One of the reasons I interpret my feelings on Link and gender as #my lesbian queen link neal is -- well, okay, because it's nonsensical and funny, but also because I specifically do not really want to fanon that he is gay because he wears a purse or whatever. One of the other reasons I interpret my feelings on Link and gender as a joke about being a queer female is because when Link says he is an unserious man I feel that unseriousness in manhood as hewing close to my own experience as a queer female; I recognize a lot of my own self or at least my own self's willingness to be "weird" (i.e., plainly honest) about gender and sexuality and affection in the idiosyncratic ways he expresses these things as well.

The main thing that hooked me into Rhett & Link was finding out that they grew up in the Southern conservative Evangelical culture in the '90s. Something that I think about a lot is how Rhett has talked about how Link was the weird kid, how people found him annoying, how he stayed at home and played with his wrestling dolls, how the moment they really became best friends was when Rhett punched that kid for making fun of Link. How in high school everyone thought they were gay. Rhett spent almost all his time with Link anyway. How even now Rhett talks about having to protect Link from himself, from embarrassing himself. And how Link talks about himself as someone who commits faux pas, and about liking that he has a safety net in Rhett, someone who will watch out for him.

Like the thing about Rhett is he performs the masculinity they grew up with well, and apparently always has: good grades, good athlete, just enough unexamined toxicity to his masculinity that he often doesn't pass my vibe check. I didn't grow up in the South or in Christianity but I grew up in the late '90s and I was steeped in enough of same culture of gender that I can recognize the mannerisms that Link has even today that would have been labeled as "weird," and the names he might have been called: sissy, mama's boy, fag. Rhett could have gone through life without ever encountering that, but he didn't. He chose to stick with Link, and he chose specifically to stick with a conception of himself as protecting Link.

And the thing with Link is he continued to be the way he was. He kept enough of those same mannerisms and ways of expressing himself that even now, as a grown man, he is the one a fandom will say is gay, is the twink, is the bottom. Whether he explicitly chose not to change, or is just one of those people who is incapable of not being exactly himself, I don't know. Probably both? Most of us who are queer (in the sense of sexuality or in the sense of being seen as strange) are both.

I also think sometimes of what Link's conception of himself would be if he weren't surrounded by people who have known him forever, or people who know someone who’s known him forever. If everybody's first impression of him wasn't mediated by a bunch of people who carry around his old teenage self crystallized in amber, who grew up in the same culture that thought he was weird, who still spend their time thinking they need to run interference for the way he talks and acts and feels. Because another thing that hooked me into Rhett & Link was how nearly every person in every piece of media they produce says "This guy is weird and awkward and makes people feel bad" when everything I took from watching him was This guy is honest and open and makes me feel good. Like if you just met him, on your own, would you even think anything was strange? If it was just him, without his past, would anybody think he wasn't enough?

[elementaldoughnut12]

"It's Not Over "

*contains angst, crying and Nick being a little shit and happy birthday Matt Jackson you adorable baby doll that would steal my money*

*"It's Not Over" by Daughtry is used in this fic*

“You're finally getting rid of that effing ugly facial hair?” Nick asks while Matt glares at him through the bathroom mirror. “Yes I'm getting rid of it! It made me feel weird” Matt says as he presses the washcloth to his face. “You're shaving cause it made you feel weird or you're doing it so you can get back at Kenny?” Nick says with a smirk knowing he has his brother cornered. Matt turned around to look at Nick and sighed. 

“I'm not doing anything to get back at Kenny! He chose to side with Jericho! He chose to fight a battle he knew he wasn't gonna effing win! He deserves to be replaced by Okada! He deserves to be out of the Elite!” Matt yells as he starts to nervously run his fingers through his hair. He felt himself get pulled into a hug by Nick and he felt tears start to form in his eyes.

He buried his face into Nick's shoulder and started to sob. “Why did he have to abandon us? Why did he have to abandon me? I thought he loved me…” Matt says through tears. “He does love you Matt, he just needed to figure out himself first” Nick says gently. “You're probably right… thanks Nicky” Matt says with a smile. “You're welcome and by the way… you look like a twink without facial hair” Nick says with a smirk as he flicks Matt's forehead. “Ow! You're not supposed to hurt me on my birthday!” Matt says while rubbing his forehead.

“As your little brother it's my job to mess with you! Especially on your birthday!” Nick says as he sticks his tongue out. Matt was about to retort but jumped at the sound of heavy rain hitting the window. “Never thought I'd spend my thirty-ninth birthday inside with my little brother during a rainstorm” Matt says with a sigh. “You make it sound like staying with me is a bad thing! Besides I got a surprise for you, you stupid idiot” Nick says with a smile.

“Oh really? We've been inside all day! How the hell did you get me something?” Matt questions Nick. “I have my ways…” Nick says with a smirk as he sends a text on his phone. “Now I know why people at work think you're a cryptid and who did you text?” Matt says as he tries to look over Nick's shoulder. “None of your effing business!” Nick says as he holds his phone over his head and out of Matt's reach. Matt was about to kick Nick in the balls when he heard a familiar voice and song outside…

“I was blown away, what could I say?

It all seemed to make sense

You've taken away everything

And I can't deal without, I try to see the good in life

But good things in life are hard to find”

Matt opened the door and saw it was Kenny, soaking wet with a microphone and a speaker. Kenny must've noticed Matt staring and gave him a small smile as he continued singing…

“We'll blow it away, blow it away

Can we make this something good?”

Matt always thought that Kenny had a good singing voice but knew that he was too shy to ever do it in public. Which is why he felt special that Kenny only ever sang around him when they were alone. 

“Well, I'll try to do it right this time around

Let's start over

I'll try to do it right this time around

It's not over

'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground

This love is killing me, but you're the only one

It's not over”

Matt remembers hearing that song the first time Kenny left him to go to Japan. It hurt Matt a lot but when Kenny returned and sang that song, saying a part of him died when he left Matt. Matt forgave him immediately and he was back in Kenny's arms that same night. They were young and stupid then…

“Taken all I could take, and I can not wait

We're wasting too much time

Being strong, holding on

Can't let it bring us down

My life with you means everything

So I won't give up that easily”

Matt felt tears start to form in his eyes again. He knows he should give up on Kenny and just move on. He should listen to his brain and just slam the door and lock it. Too bad Matt never fucking listened…

“I'll blow it away, blow it away

Can we make this something good?

'Cause it's all misunderstood

Well, I'll try to do it right this time around

Let's start over

I'll try to do it right this time around

It's not over

'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground

This love is killing me, but you're the only one

It's not over”

With tears running down his cheeks, Matt ran outside into the freezing rain and hugged Kenny. “You lovable idiot!” Matt says as he smashes his lips with Kenny's. He always felt like he was home when he kissed Kenny. When they pulled away, Kenny leaned forward to whisper in Matt's ear. “I'm here to stay for good” Kenny whispers. 

It felt like a damn burst inside of Matt as he cried his eyes out. “Please don't leave me again! I don't think my heart can take it anymore!” Matt says through tears. “I'm never gonna leave you again Matt and what I'm about to do will solidify that” Kenny says with a smile. “What do you…” Matt never finished his sentence when he saw Kenny go down on one knee and pull out a box.

“Matt, I know I hurt you a lot over the years and I'm surprised you didn't slam the door in my face when I was singing! I don't deserve to have you and abandoning you only to lose was me just being dumb. You gave me so many chances over the last fifteen years we've been together and I thank you so much for that. What I'm trying to say is Matthew Jackson? Will you marry me?” Kenny says as he shows Matt a gold band with an opal center. 

“K-Kenny for effing sake yes I'll marry you!” Matt says through tears as Kenny puts the ring on his finger. “Y-You don't know how long I-I've been waiting for this!” Matt says happily while still crying. Kenny just smiles and kisses his new fiancée deeply. “Happy birthday Matt, I love you so much” Kenny says as he wipes Matt's tears. “I love you too Kenny! This has gotta be the best birthday ever!” Matt says, causing them both to laugh.

“So Okada? You really replaced me with Okada? That's borderline illegal babycakes” Kenny says, causing Matt to blush. “It's only temporary until you're better” Matt says with a giggle. “Fair also you look extremely beautiful with no facial hair” Kenny says as he kisses Matt's cheek. “No! He looks like a twink!” Nick says from in the doorway. “Shouldn't you be screwing Adam?” Matt yells with a red face. “I did twenty minutes ago you stupid idiot! Now get the hell inside both of you or I'm locking the door!” Nick yells back.

“Jokes on him because he has to suffer watching us be lovey dovey and help me pick out a wedding dress” Matt says causing Kenny to blush. “It's not over with us isn't it?” Kenny says with a laugh as he holds Matt's hand. “Not by a longshot” Matt answers as they kiss one last time before running back inside. 

[gamergirlboy-moved]

artists that dont draw link as a skinny little twink >>>>>>

[cinnaminsvga]

🤬 | seokjin

the sleep deprived series (n.): drabbles that i write when i’m sad and tired

→ frenemy!seokjin ft. e2l and the magnificent get-along sweater | 2K words → a/n: this is dedicated to my homie @jincherie​ who has been, as they say, wiping her ass everyday only to shit again. i can’t really do much to actually alleviate your circumstances except maybe making you smile, so i hope this can be your tiny ray of sunshine amidst the crap. this fic literally makes no sense because i wrote this within one hour so i’m sorry but pls know that ilysm!!

“Where’d you even fucking get this abomination?” you growl, struggling fruitlessly against the coarse fabric. In your fidgeting, your elbow knocks into Seokjin’s broad chest, causing more damage to your weak joints than anything. Even so, Seokjin grunts overdramatically, stepping on your toes in retaliation.

“Yoongi-chi, you know that I love you very much—” Seokjin seethes, his teeth clenched almost painfully as he fights to restrain himself from ripping the sweater in half, a la Hulk style. “—but I will not hesitate to stab you once I get out of here.”

“Not my fault that you both are acting like a bunch of toddlers,” Yoongi snorts, hip jutted out in contempt like the homosexual that he is. “And to answer your other question, I bought that sweater online after your last fight, when you two were literally wrestling on the kitchen counter. I didn’t know whether I walked into some intense BDSM play or a WWE ring.”

“You bought a fucking get-along sweater for us? What are you, some sort of Christian camp counselor?” you growl, kicking your legs out in an attempt to hit him. The slimy twink bastard jumps away gracefully, landing onto the loveseat opposite the couch that you were sitting on. He crosses his legs, opening his arms wide when your traitorous cat jumps onto his lap, looking to all the world like a terrible Bond villain from the 80s.

“If I was Christian, I would not put the two of you into a sweater together,” Yoongi says. He strokes your cat, who purrs loudly before pointing a contemptuous glare back at you, as if she was enjoying your torture too. Dumb cat. You never liked Miko anyway.

Yoongi continues, “Anyone would two eyes knows that you both are just one brawl away from fucking each other into the next dimension. Lord knows that your sexual tension could power the entire city.”

It’s Seokjin’s turn to snort, who has been relatively quiet in comparison to you. He’s also less fidgety, but that might be because he at least has the advantage and comfort of occupying 90% of the sweater space due to his oceanic shoulders. You once described him as “horizontally imbalanced,” which he did not find slightly amusing.

“I would rather place my balls into a panini press and feed them to Miko than to ever fuck Y/N,” Seokjin fake-gags, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. “It would be less hot for me to actually grill my penis than for me to sink into her hell-ish cunt. I swear, you could bake bread in there with how much yeast has accumulated from—“

You headbutt his chin before he can finish, squawking indignantly. The satisfying sound of his teeth clacking together in pain is momentary but worthwhile. “Excuse you, but it’d be an honor to fuck me! I’ve got that S-tier pussy! If my pussy was in a gacha game, people would spend thousands of dollars just to roll for my mystical coochie!”

Yoongi smirks. “So you admit that you do want Seokjin to fuck you!”

“What the fuck! No! That is—what the—I don’t!” You stammer, face flushing as you struggle to regain your footing in the conversation. Yoongi’s eyebrow raises, intrigued by your slip-up. “That is totally not what I meant, and you know it!”

Yoongi picks at his nails, pointedly avoiding eye contact. “Sorry, I don’t speak hetero. Prithee, explain thy peculiar mating rituals to one who does not walk the straight and narrow path.”

You slump back against the couch, forcing Seokjin to follow and fall backward with you. His shoulder hits you square in the boob, causing you to groan in pain. “Yoongi, just let us out of this thing before I lose a limb to this walking inflatable tubeman,” you plead, ignoring Seokjin’s glare.

“I resent that,” Seokjin inputs, but no one pays him any mind. Your attention is focused solely on the smirking kitty man in front of you, who grows smugger as time ticks on.

Everyone in your friend group is aware of the weird relationship you have with Seokjin. Ever since you met him in your freshman year of university, things were never peaceful between the two of you. It was always constant bickering, squabbling, competing… everything. Even Jungkook, Seokjin’s other sworn enemy, doesn’t argue with the elder as much as you did.

For three years, everyone just assumed it was your weird kindergarten schoolyard way of showing affection for each other, and at the beginning, it might have been. You and Seokjin, both of whom have never dated in their lifetimes despite being moderately popular while growing up, are unsurprisingly emotionally stunted and never learned how to just be nice to people you like. Affection who? Compassion where? To the both of you, physical connection can only be achieved through hair tugging and nipple pinching, and not even in the sexy way.

But at a certain point, things were starting to get tiring. Your arguments only grew larger in scale, to the point where it was getting hard to differentiate whether the bruises on your neck were from pinches or something else.

“I just… Ugh… When are they gonna fuck, hyung? I’m actually getting tired of their constant fighting,” Namjoon had lamented one afternoon, just a day after your last altercation with Seokjin. It had been a big one, where Seokjin nearly lost a tooth when you had landed a neat uppercut squarely on his jaw after he called your toes ‘a foot fetishist’s worst nightmare.’

Yoongi’s boyfriend had been staring listlessly into his bowl of soup for the past hour, and he was honestly starting to get worried when it looked like Namjoon had started muttering to himself in a foreign language. Yoongi almost thought he might have been scrying for a prophecy, begging for an answer to their most pressing question.

“What do you want me to do about it? Lock them in a room and let them out only after they’ve done the deed? Mixed bodily fluids? Performed the monkey dance to its climax?! No thanks, I don’t wanna be near them when that can of worms finally explodes,” Yoongi grimaced, shivering at the thought.

Namjoon shook his head quickly, face paling with him. “Heaven forbid. Maybe you can keep it PG? How about getting one of those get-along sweaters or something. I think they used those in kindergarten.”

Yoongi sighed. “Yeah, but the question would be how I’d get them into it.” He flaps his noodle arms around in demonstration. “I’m not exactly in the running for world’s strongest twink. Plus, years of fighting each other means they’re both stronger than I am.”

Namjoon shrugged. “Easy, just dare them to wear it. Make it into a competition. Nothing gets them more riled up than when they’re trying to outcompete each other.”

And so, that’s how the two of you had gotten stuck in a 3XXL Hello Kitty sweater that Yoongi had bought from Ebay. It has yet to be decided whether spending $40 on expedited shipping was worth it.

“Look, Yoongi-chi. We both promise that we will stop fighting once you let us out of this,” Seokjin says, smiling sweetly at him. Had Yoongi been younger and much more prone to the alluring temptation of the Straight Man™️, he might have caved. But Yoongi is older now, plus he knows when Seokjin is lying better than any polygraph test.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, waving him off. “Fat chance. You’d probably stop fighting for approximately three hours before getting mad about mint chocolate ice cream or something.”

“Hey! Give us some credit. We both agree that flavor is abhorrent, so we would never argue about that,” you retort, with Seokjin nodding furiously in agreement. You glance at him. “And I feel like we’d last at least six hours without fighting. What was our record again?”

“Five hours and twenty-two minutes,” Seokjin says.

You hum thoughtfully. “Okay, I can promise at least five hours and thirty minutes. Maybe.”

Yoongi groans, rubbing his temples in frustration. His souring mood even makes Miko jump away in fright, and the two idiots trapped in a sweater can immediately feel the dip in temperature. Uh oh, here we go!

“I am absolutely sick and tired of the two of you dumbasses fighting all the time! It’s embarrassing as hell trying to bring either of you anywhere in public because everyone mistakes your little catfights for strange foreplay or whatever,” Yoongi glowers. The two of you shrink into your seats, ashamed.

“We’ve only gotten kicked out of one Costco—” Seokjin defends. 

“But we did get fined for public indecency at the beach when I pulled your trunks down, which was totally unfair, by the way,” you mutter. 

“You literally threatened to, and I quote, ‘Suck the soul out of Seokjin’s dick until he dies.’ How the hell is that unfair?!” Yoongi exclaims. 

“It was a death threat! I would’ve accepted a charge for attempted murder, but that was not going to be a sexy blowjob, I assure you—”

Yoongi holds up a hand to silence you. “Face it, you both like each other. Whatever! Sure, you guys are the token straight people in our friend group, but that doesn’t make you bland as hell! Well, actually, it does but…” Yoongi pauses, wondering if it was worth lying. It takes a second for him to refocus. “Where was I? Oh right—“

Yoongi clears his throat, starting again. He heaves a deep breath, shoulders sagging tiredly as he puts on the sincerest face he can muster. “Listen, I just want to say that I care a lot about you, okay? And it sucks seeing the both of you hurting every time the other person says something really mean that neither of you even mean! If anything, will you please stop for me? If you really cared about our friendship, will you do it for me?”

There is a heavy pause as Yoongi strives to get his breathing back in check, his impassioned speech causing his fragile grandpa heart to race. He can feel his cheeks darkening in embarrassment, unused to using his “hyung voice” on Seokjin or you. Separately, the two of you are very reliable, never really needing him to scold either of you. Together, however… that’s a different story, but as the next eldest hyung, it really only fell to Yoongi to fix his friends’ mess of a relationship.

Screw age hierarchy. Yoongi would love to see Jungkook try to get Seokjin and you to fuck. Would absolutely pay to see the twerp squirm as he tries to even say the word “penis.”

After a while, Seokjin and you share a look. Yoongi watches with bated breath as he waits for either of you to speak, but he can sense some unspoken conversation happening between you. Perhaps, after years of exchanging blows, you had somehow knocked brain cells into each other and now share a weird psychic connection. Or, more likely, the two of you actually like each other and understand each other on a deeply personal level, so personal in fact that you could probably finish each other’s sentences, like—!

“We refuse,” you both reply in tandem, your joined voices echoing throughout the apartment. You both had said it so in sync that Yoongi might have imagined the other person speaking, but no—you both really did just say that to his face. In front of Miko. In front of his goddamn imaginary salad.

“Excuse me?” Yoongi squeaks. He cleans his ears with his fingers but finds no cotton there. These bitches! How dare they just throw his speech to the gutter! That shit took brain cells to think of, and he is not in the business of wasting his precious minutes by using them for productivity.

You shrug, leaning against Seokjin’s shoulder. He can see the ghost of a smirk tugging at your lips, thoroughly enjoying Yoongi’s confusion. “You heard us. We’ve made the executive decision to double our efforts, actually.”

Seokjin nods, not even shoving you off his shoulder like he normally would whenever you made contact with him. What? “Exactly. Honestly, we’ve been fighting for so long that we’ve kinda been just doing it for the bit at this point, and the fact that it annoys you so much is just the icing on the cake.”

Yoongi stares at them. His brain doesn’t feel like it’s connecting to his body at all; he feels like he’s floating. “So. What you’re saying is—“

“We know we like each other. Whatever. But we also like fighting, so who gives a shit if we’re having fun at the end of the day?” you shrug, pinching Seokjin’s cheek for good measure. As per usual, the elder retaliates by grabbing your finger with robot-like accuracy, before biting you there like a ravaging beast.

“And before you ask, no, we aren’t really dating. Yet. We kinda just wanted to piss as many people off before actually becoming official. We honestly didn’t think that you’d be the first one to crack.” Seokjin says, your finger falling from his mouth. The imprint of his teeth marks on your skin are plain as day, but you don’t look remotely bothered by it. In fact, you’re practically cooing at his ‘baby teefies’ like a psychopath.

“I—“ Yoongi stutters, at a loss for words for once in his life. He stands from the chair, but his knees give out from under him, causing him to tumble to the carpeted floor. He holds his head in his hands, shell-shocked. “So… That means…”

“Yeah, we’re kinda just freaky, I guess.” You muse before laughing hysterically when Yoongi begins to sob. “Hey, you’re right! We did make Yoongi cry! Do you think we could make Namjoon piss himself in rage when he finally confronts us too?”

Seokjin cackles, shaking your hand underneath the sweater. “If anyone can do it, I know that we can.”

And so, the two of you stand up clumsily to your feet, not bothering to escape the ridiculous sweater as you both waddled out of Yoongi’s apartment. From outside his door, Yoongi hears the sound of a new fight commencing, your shrieks resonating down the hall and for all the world to hear.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Nsfw alphabet (all of it) for Loki? Also, l love ur star wars ocs 💕

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He praises you to high heaven after sex.  His words come low and soft as he cleans up you telling you, in so many different way, how perfect you are.  His silver tongue doesn’t stumble once.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your neck.  It’s so easy to tease you with just a simple brush of his lips against that particular part of your skin. An open canvas for him bite and mark as he wishes.  And it’s the perfect fit for his hand to squeeze as he fucks you.

As for himself, he likes his hands. He knows you appreciate the length and dexterity of his fingers.  Not to mention it’s where most of his true power resides.  They are magic hands, after all. ;)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He leaves such a mess when he cums.  He loves cumming all over your skin; stomach, back, face, tits, it doesn’t matter.  It’s his way of marking you. He’ll even take his fingers like a brush and paint it all over your body.

Even when he cums inside you, he still manages to leave his mark. He’ll spread you open, watching in fascination as a mix of your cum and his own drip down your inner thigh.  He likes to take his fingers then, and spread is down your skin before licking it with his tongue.  He’s a complete slut when it comes to cum.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He doesn’t have many to be honest.  He’s very open about what he wants with you.  After a thousands years or so, you learn that there’s no shame in sharing with someone you trust.

But, there have been a few instances he’s has to keep himself from moaning “mommy”.  He’s not sure where it came from and that’s one kink he’s does not want to explore.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Thor might be more bombastic, but Loki has perfected the art of whispering into an ear and making the hearer weak at the knees. So yes, he’s been around the block a few times with a variety of partners.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

It really depends on his mood.

If he’s in a dominating mood then he loves taking you from behind, your back pressed against his chest and his hand clasped around your throat.

If he wants to be dominated, then please tie his wrists to the bedpost and ride his face. He wants your cum.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He runs the gambit from emotional and intense to a sexy, but fun romp in the hay. There are moments he can’t help, but make a joke or a smug comment at your expense. It keeps things unpredictable.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He actually keeps up a pretty close shaved down there. Not that there was much there in the first place. Perhaps the first hint he wasn’t Asgardian.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

As I said before, he runs a wide range of emotions when you’re fucking.

But, when he is in the mood or his emotions become too overwhelming, he can be extremely intimate. Sometimes it’s praises as he makes love to you, wondering how he could be so lucky. Other times it’s desperate and pleading, clinging to your body and begging you not to leave.

And then there are days he just wants to have a bit of fun.

You’re never too sure what you’re going to get on an given day.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not as often as you’d think. If he’s in the mood, he prides himself on being able to find a partner to satisfy him. Using his own hand feels childish and a little embarrassing. So, he won’t do it unless he’s really desperate.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

God, it would be easy to lists the stuff he isn’t into.

First and foremost, he’s 110% a switch. Yes he’s got mad Big Dick Daddy Dom energy when he wants to and there are a number of fantasies he has that involve tying you up and using you as his personal fuck toy.

But if you’re telling me this same disaster theater nerd twink doesn’t also allow his partners to peg him on the reg, then you are dead wrong.

That all being said, I’d also like to add exhibitionism to the list. There are times you swear he wants to get caught when he fucks you against the bookshelves in the library, or in the gardens or even against the one of the pillars in the palace. If it weren’t for his illusions, you might have.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The most common place is your bedroom. That’s where you can pull out all the stops and really take your time.

But as I said above, he does take a certain thrill out of almost being caught. If he were being honest, he’s say the library was near the top of his favorite places to fuck.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Assertiveness is certainly top of the list. Knowing that you want him and no one else, combined with your confidence can lead him pleading at your feet.

Jealousy is also a motivator. If he sees another man trying to move in on you, that’s his cue to pull you into the nearest empty room and fuck you senseless. Alternatively, if he sees you getting jealous of someone hitting on him, then he’ll pull you aside and show you in every way he can that he is yours.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Infanalization, or really any age play where either of you is expected to act like a child. It’s insulting to him for one thing, since he can take some sexual humiliation, but he draws the line at not being at least considered a man.

As for you, he wants to be with an adult plain and simple. He finds it tedious and insipid otherwise.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Again, split right down the middle. There are nights that all he wants to do is tie your wrists to the bed posts as he buries himself between your legs, making you cum and cum again on his tongue until you can’t move.

Other times, he wants to pull your hair and fuck your face, making you take every inch of him before cumming down your throat.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Leans more towards the fast and rough, averaging at about 65% of the time. But for the other 35%, he takes his sweet time.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes and please. Preferably during a ball or some other formal event where he fucks you in an empty corridor before eventually rejoining the party like nothing happened.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

All the time. He’ll trying anything once.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s usually good for one to three rounds. But those rounds can last anywhere from 15 minutes a piece or a full hour depending on why you’re doing. So, stamina is never an issue.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

A whole trunk full. Like I said, he’ll try anything once.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

All the god damn time. If a party is particularly dull, he’ll spend the whole night teasing you. It’s a game to see how fast he can make you break.

There have been times he’s teased you right to the edge only to leave you tied to the bed and aching for hours before finishing the job.

And don’t even get me started on him trying to make you jealous of purpose. He’s such a drama queen.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He can be quiet if he really needs to be. If you’re having sex in a semi-public space he at least has the sense to keep it to himself; grunting and whispering dirty words against your skin.

When you’re in private however, all bets are off. He runs his mouth, he moans, he growls, and he curses like it’s going out of style.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He can talk a big game with one night stands, but his favorite kind of sex is with a consistent partner. He wants to be desired, but more than that, he wants to be chosen and chosen consistently. Having one person there every day choosing to be with him is everything.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Not an overly thick or heavy cock, but certainly longer than average and it’s width proportional to his size. A nice, pretty seven inch dick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s strange, but when it’s just him and one night stands, his sex drive isn’t insane. He’s not going to get a head ache if he doesn’t have sex and dry spells don’t bother him as much.

But when he’s actually in a relationship, his sex drive is off the charts. I think he ultimately like the idea of someone wanting and choosing him consistently. It’s one of his biggest turn ons. So, you guys are having sex at least every other night.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It takes him a while to doze off. He likes to make sure you comfortable and clean. He’ll massage your muscles if you need it and talk the night away. He doesn’t want to miss a moment if he can help it.

[hcpefulmarshmallow]

Anonymous said:

Once i saw a video on youtube explaining a certain "anime character type", and it compared Akechi with Nagito. (I dont remember the other characters the video mentioned) what are your thoughts about it? Do you think they're similar?

You know, Anon, the dumb lizard brain that governs my every impulse wants to point at them and say: “mentally unstable twinks with great hair and a Very Heterosexual rivalry with the protagonist” and call it a day. Here’s the thing, though: my feelings about Akechi started strong and stayed that way throughout my Persona 5 experience, though the nature of those feelings has changed drastically since my first impression. (And I quote: “Who’s this Light Yagami-looking motherfucker? No, I don’t trust him. That smile is the last thing someone saw.”) And I want to talk about him. I also never don’t want to talk about Nagito. So you know what? I’m gonna. 

 Spoilers, by the way. 

    ---

 In short, I do feel they fall into a very specific character archetype. Namely: the morally ambiguous foil to the main character. Not a villain, not a hero, but rather somebody who follows their own moral code. With a dash of insanity, of course, because anime gonna anime. 

 For me, their most intriguing similarities run deeper than a trope, however, and it all starts with this inflated sense of self-importance they seem to share. I know what I said, just go with me on this one. 

 Nagito, at a glance, seems to have the very opposite of an ego. Forever putting himself down, calling himself all kinds of worthless, and willingly throwing his very life at every cause that comes his way. But herein lies the contradiction that defines him as a character. For all his espousing that the hopeless may never be hopeful, he still leaps at the chance to become worthy. He wants so badly to be more than he is, that he struggles to see a world outside his own perception. He is, of course, compassionate and empathetic; but, unlike Hajime (or even Joker), whose talent with people comes from their respective abilities to remove themselves from a situation and see it as someone else would in order to make a moral judgement, Nagito cannot fathom a world that doesn’t conform to his ideals. Hope and despair, good and back luck -- and there he sits in the eye of it all, defeated yet somehow untouchable. He can’t watch someone trip three feet away from him without assuming his luck has played some role in it. 

 Akechi is much the same way, though he owns it a little better. He sees all things as means towards his ends. He has his idea of how the world and it’s people work, and therein lie his issues with Joker. Because he plays by his own rules, which are fundamentally incompatible with Akechi’s. Much in the same way as Nagito becomes fixated on Hajime, the Ultimate, talentless, worthless, most shining beacon of hope there is; Akechi sees how Joker is consistently beaten down by life and yet strives to carve his own path, and is unable to cope with either the jealously or the admiration he feels, never mind any combination thereof. Moreover, he, too, desires to rise above and be more than he is: the hero of his own story, despite taking rather unheroic steps to get there. 

 I would, of course, be remiss not to mention the similarities in their upbringings that lead to these insecurities. Nagito lost both his parents at a young age, and from there, we’re given no indication of any long-term adult influence in his life. Quite the opposite, he seems to have been demeaned and shunned by his extended family at large. It is also implied at times that his parents were not very loving, though there is some debate around that, so take it as you will. Akechi was abandoned by his father who deemed his mother beneath him because she was a sex worker, and was left with a seething hatred for the man because of it. After his mother’s suicide, he was passed from institution to institution, likewise having no long-term positive influence in his life.

 Both were left to, essentially, raise themselves; glean their own image of the world and build their moral compass around lives that were unimaginably cruel, ruthless, and unfair. Thus, it’s likely their worst behaviours could have been avoided, had they stable home lives. Of course, this is no excuse, plenty of people grow up in unstable environments and don’t go on to harm others, however, it places them a step above senseless. In fact, they also share an incredible intellect, charm, good looks, and quite the way with words. If you’ve played both games, you know what I’m talking about. 

 Furthermore, they have this habit of standing on the outside, looking in. Nagito spends much of DR2 implying heavily that he would like to spend more time with the others as their friend, but does little to actually reach out to them. Viewing himself below them, and seeing no reason why such incredible people would want to hang out with trash like him. Akechi also keeps the Thieves at a distance. There are many times when they reach out to him, offer to help him find his way -- and he almost seems to want to. Yet it is as if he doesn’t know how. He has no idea what, besides hatred and spite, could possibly fuel him. Nor does he really know what there is for him to gain from forming genuine bonds with others, or why he should want them. But he does, that much is clear. They each crave acceptance, while accepting it as a lost cause, even as the protagonist of their respective games has their hand out to them. And this, once again, can likely be traced to their equally terrible upbringings, and lack of any real understanding of the world as it is, rather than as they see it. 

 I could absolutely go on all day down this path. And, hell, at some point, I might. But the overall theme I’m getting at here, is this delicate balance these two characters walk. Being soft and charming, and deadly and dangerous. Intelligent, yet profoundly ignorant. Eccentric and borderline reprehensible, but at the same time, deeply relatable, and extremely likeable. They aren’t psycho for the sake of it, and I’ll argue that to my grave. But moreover, what we have here is the ultimate products of the worlds they were made for. Parallels are drawn constantly between Nagito and Hajime, Akechi and Joker, in a “there but for the grace of god go I” way, and it falls the same every time. Joker forged a home among friends, and people he considered family. Even after being hurt, he found the strength to be vulnerable for someone, and that someone happened to be the right someone; and though these people, he became stronger still. Likewise, Hajime took risks, took responsibility, and became respected and loved through hard work and compassion. He faced his own fear of worthlessness, and in the end, he didn’t fold to it the way Nagito did. He built his own purpose in life, and it was as full of hope as any Ultimate’s. These are feats beyond comprehension to our antiheroes, who may well have turned out to be the heroes after all if they’d only been shown the same support and care. And that’s why I think this character type appeals to so many people, and why these characters become so beloved. I think we become invested in their stories, and we want to show them compassion. There’s a reason why Nagito and Akechi are frequently shipped around, why they exist in so many fix-it fics. At the end of the day, we know the difference between bad people, and people who do bad things. It’s that, the latter may not be beyond saving. 

 And finally, can I...? If you’ve played the third semester of Royal, they really just make Akechi Like That, huh? In the original Japanese, he was apparently supposed to just come off as tired and not particularly wanting to mend any of his relationships or mistakes since he knew his death was looming, so I’m not sure why they took one look at this complex character development and said, “Hm, let’s just make him balls to the wall, shall we?” but hey. I’ve got to give it to his VA, I had to put down my controller several times because holy shit. Just. Holy shit. Give that man all of the awards. All of them, every single one, please. 

[catboyminato]

punk!Minato brain rot at 2 am headcannons isn’t this quality content

do I wanna know and daddy issues as a person

he has an undercut bc I said so 🔫

probably gets dress coded like every day tbh (that’s disgusting and rude ❤️ his fit is incredible 😌)

leather jackets and doc martens type beat

probably customized his Gekkoukan uniform so much it doesn’t even look like a uniform 😭😭

canon: hello my name is minato nice to meet u ig

this Minato: why the FUCK do u a have a gun and can I try it and what the FUCK is going on out there what is that ugly ass green that graces my delicate eyes

Mitsuru “oh wow! I hate him.” kirijo

SEES has a fuck jar for every time he says fuck

minato, opening a door: what’s up fuckers

Minato, making a sandwich: where the fuck is the bread

Minato, watching TV: what the fuck im not crying it’s just dusty as fuck in here

SEES, broke: pls,,,,stop

“kIrIjO-sAn wHeN dO i gEt tO bLoW sHiT uP”

extremely disappointed that his persona is Orpheus he wanted smth cooler

“who the fuck plays a Lyre?? what the fuck is this?? intro to theatre?? give me the cool big scary one that popped out of u rn” —Minato Arisato

Orpheus: :,(

“fuck the system and eat the rich”

“what about Mitsuru-Senpai?”

“eat. the. rich.”

Mitsuru absolutely despises this man with a burning passion

junpei thinks he’s cool (and is jealous but who wouldn’t be tbh)

yukari thinks he’s refreshing compared to miss “I SiGneD YoU uP fOr SUMMEr ScHool” and mr “pRoTein”

now she’s stuck with mr “good morning everyone, *looks at Mitsuru* not you though, you can choke”

at least he has a sense of style 😽

he doesn’t like Mitsuru (omg what gave that away 🙀)

he thinks she’s 1. too stuck up 2. is rich and eat the rich and 3. is partially the cause of this whole mess 😻

no longer boy with headphones he’s boy with foul mouth 😌

lowkey kinda smart but you’d never be able to tell

✨tattoos ✨

literally always coming back to the dorm with bruises and scratches and nobody knows why

spoiler: it’s bc he’ll hear ppl talking shit about his friends (yeah even Mitsuru🔪) and will beat the shit out of them 😼

he got into a brawl in the hallway with 5 kids after he heard them talking shit about Shinji after he died ❤️ as he should king

Shinjiro and Minato said “tough on outside but softies on inside” rights and that’s what they bond over 😽

they’re lowkey pretty close and bc I said so Minato met Shinji early after exploring that part of town he’s in

now they’re punk buddies 😼 (is Shinji punk agsjashajsh oh well ❤️)

Minato would actually die for each and every one of SEES even if he doesn’t show it

the tough guy facade was born from his parents death as a coping mechanism so he never got hurt again 😝

Minato “im a motherfucking wildcard bitches” Arisato

peircings 😼

he looks scary we know but you’d never guess he spends time with like a 9 year old and buys her dinner and listens to her problems (we stan)

we love a man who can sit and listen 😌✨

yukari saw him buy Maiko takayoki and decided “hmm this is new” and thus began the cycle of “hes not so tough after all”

Junpei’s “he’s not so tough after all” was him spending time with the elderly couple who runs Bookworms 😌

Akihiko noticed how, if he could, Minato would take hits for teammates

someone tried to mess with Fuuka and he sent them to the ✨h o s p i t a l✨

fuukas realization was when the scary looking boy who cuffs his jeans and has tats made friends with her 😽

Mitsuru’s took a hot minute bc uhhhhh slowburn 🤠

hers was how he continuesly tried to help the student body even tho they rejected him bc uh he’s kinda ✨s c a r y✨

which was like?? interesting to her tbh bc these were the kids who dubbed him the outsider and yet he still strived to help them 😾

so she made the twink part of student council

and he kinda went off ngl 😀

and that’s on being a valuable asset ✨

although he only calls Mitsuru “daddy issues” which pisses her off ❤️

her personal ✨d i s c o v e r y✨ is him lending his blazer (HAJSHS the “blazer” covered in pins and chains 😭😭 which is ripped in some places 😽) one day as an umbrella 🥺

“you’ll catch a cold, daddy issues”—says the bitch soaking wet after letting her use his jacket

when he’s a gentleman 😫

when they get past the enemies stage to friends 😩

mitsuru thinks his perspectives are outlandish and refreshing

“just say no tf”—his answer in being told she needs a fiancé

did he lie tho 😭

apologizes for being a dick 🤩

will beat the fuck outta anyone who disrespects his rich friend ❤️

haha kinda scary when he’s mad ❤️

what’s that wipes blood from mouth while smiling aesthetic cause that’s him

fashionable king we love to see it

ceo of smirking

ceo of “hey daddy issues”

ceo of “fuck”

he got his earring stuck to his pillow once and only Shinji knows

“Does it fucking look like I read?” —Minato arisato who read the entire twilight series and is an Edward stan

akihiko likes to brawl with him cuz he thinks his street fighting style is nifty

can literally hear him from a mile away due to his loud ass chains and boots (stealth 0 ❤️)

has small monochromatic Arcana inspired tattoos littered around his torso (it’s a game of where’s Waldo 🤩)

“I don’t listen to pop.”—says Minato on his way to listen to One Direction

Mitsuru likes to ask what each tattoo means (sometimes it’s just like “idk i saw a guy I beat up once have it and I thought it was cool 😼”)

“rude boy” (what not based off the rihhana song where did u get that 🤠) is Mitsuru’s nickname for him

likes collecting pins 🤠

has way too much jewelry yukari will just steal some occasionally 💀

lowkey self conscious about being seen with Mitsuru

lmfao imagine seeing this punk who only wears leather jackets, doc martens and ripped jeans holding hands with the literal polar opposite of him

taking 🖤🩸🛹 and ❤️📚💳 to a whole a new level

he thinks she can do better and doesn’t want to tarnish her name 🤧

mitsuru learned from him it’s not her obligation to give two flippity flying fucks and WILL hold his hand as they walk down the hallways 😌✨

LMFAO imagine ure just a regular student and all of sudden the student council president who owns the whole damn school walks in wearing the foul mouthed blue haired punks jacket 😭

“What in the wattpad”—Gekkoukan

“what in the goth x prep”—SEES

Minato has fine ass eyeliner sorry I don’t make the rules ❤️

in conclusion punk!minato is best Minato

[abbacchiosbelt]

Mobile-Friendly OC Masterpost

Apparently the carrd has been acting up, so here’s a post of my original characters! They can also be found here! ♥

Haru Yamada

Height: 5’8 (177 cm) Pronouns: They/Them

Appearance: Shoulder-blade length black hair that’s prone to frizz. Androgynous. Deep brown eyes. Lithe, but not very fit. Very pale. Age: 27 Birthday: December 5th – Sagittarius Sexuality: Pansexual Personality: While they appear easy-going, Haru is a very observant person and is prone to pick up details others might miss. The info they gain usually isn’t used against others… They just like to know things. A bit irritable after being forced to drop out of grad school due to finances and take over the family coffee shop, “A Coffee or Two.” Haru yearns for knowledge and feels trapped. Haru is very good at regulating their emotions and because of that, they can easily manipulate others. However, they vastly prefer the ‘kill 'em with kindness’ method. They’re very loyal to their friends but prefer to keep their 'circle’ small. A service switch - willing to do whatever it takes to please their partner, though they do get a kick out of teasing. Has a secret 'free use’ kink and wants their partners to use them whenever and however they want.

-

BNHA-Verse Extra Quirk: Rapid Heating Quirk Info: Haru has never been much of a fighter, but their quirk is perfect for the business they run. Haru can rapidly heat up their hands without fear of injury, which helps them to brew coffee and tea as well as ensure things are the perfect temperature. They can get a rough read on temperature just by touching something.

Miho Nakajima

Height: 5’9 (180 cm) Pronouns: She/Her Appearance: Long and thick ash blonde hair that’s usually tied back into a bun. Has two fluffy white ears and a fluffy tail. Sharp canines and sharp nails. Piercing red, feline-like eyes that are usually lined with dark makeup. Thick and strong with a lot of leg muscle. Like a real cat, she has a cute pooch on her stomach that acts as her ‘primordial pouch.’ Tans easily. Age: 25 Birthday: March 8th – Pisces Sexuality: Lesbian Personality: Rather optimistic, but prone to making impulse decisions born from high emotions. She wants to help everyone around her. As a child, she faced bullying for her quirk and Miho can sometimes be quick to take the defensive on comments about it, even if they are innocuous. Prone to being overprotective of those around her, but will back off if someone is uncomfortable. She had a string of relationships that ended due to circumstances out of her hands, so she’s reluctant to commit again. Switch leaning top, but is willing to bottom for people she trusts. A pillow princess at heart, but occasionally she gets pent up and will give her partner such a good time they won’t even know what happened. Rope bunny.

-

BNHA Verse Extra

Quirk: Cat Quirk Info: Much like Tsuyu’s frog quirk, Miho has all the abilities that a cat would have: fast reflexes, sharp claws, heightened sense of smell and hearing, flexibility… You name it, there’s a chance that Miho’s quirk is able to do it. Unlike cats, she does not have any whiskers. (Though she wishes she did!) She’s incredibly agile and plans to become a teacher once she’s finished with grad school. Her hope is to teach at UA.

Danny (Daniel) Glass

Height: 5’5 (165 cm) Pronouns: He/Him Appearance: Striking violet eyes that are always underlined by dark circles from lack of sleep. Black hair (naturally brown) that’s shaved into an undercut on the right side. Intricate floral tattoo on his neck. Russet skin. Short and fairly strong. Age: 30 Birthday: February 10th – Aquarius Sexuality: Bisexual Personality: Danny comes off as stoic but is a rather emotional guy when you get to know him. He cherishes close friendships and doesn’t make time for acquaintances. He can be lax with his studies, but he’s intelligent. He marches to the beat of his own drum and doesn’t really care what other people think about him, though he often still finds himself seeking approval by dressing fashionably. He’s been trying to kick smoking for a year with no success. Currently in Grad School for Architecture and Design, but is constantly questions academia despite enjoying his studies. Has never really been one for long-term relationships because he’s so unwilling to open up, but he wouldn’t reject one outright. Confident, just very quiet. Was in an open adoption as a child and is close with his parents and bio parents. He’s very proud of his heritage as a Native American, his bio parents hailing from the Kiowa tribe. A sub, almost always. He likes to be told what to do and how to do it - prefers rewards over punishments. Not interested in dominating his partners in any way. Prefers soft and romantic sex. Really into JOI, but from lovers only - the videos do nothing for him.

Alexandre Valentin

Height: 6’3” (193 cm) Pronouns: He/Him Appearance: Long and pale blonde hair, wavy. Deep blue eyes. Lanky with a lot of upper-strength and muscle. (He’s pretty twink-y, though.) Pale skin. Age: 29 Birthday: September 4th — Virgo Sexuality: Demi, Bisexual Personality: A quiet and reserved man. Alexandre prefers to spend time alone and read. He works at a library but does under the table work for extra cash when he feels like buying something nice. Alexandre is extremely morally grey, and has a lot of connections because of it. Flirty when he feels like it, but tends to keep to himself unless someone really interests him. When he does get interested, he falls fast and hard. He’s fairly low-maintenance and doesn’t do well around those who need a lot of attention. A bratty sub and a cruel dom - not picky about which role he takes, though Alexandre prefers lazy morning sex with no real 'roles’ over anything else. Consensual somnophilia kink.

-

BNHA Verse Extra Specialty: ??? (Vigilante) (Underground) Hero Name: Bataille Quirk: Blade Limbs Quirk Info: Alexandre can turn his arms into sharp blades that function just as a sword would. They’re quite heavy, so they require an immense amount of stamina to use. He doesn’t care for hero society and prefers to work in the shadows.

Sanguine

Height: 5’4 (152 cm) Appearance: Shoulder-length, curly bubblegum pink hair. Violet eyes. Fat with wide hips and a large bust. (Picrews are not an indication of her body size.) Age: 28 Pronouns: She/Her Birthday: June 6th — Gemini Sexuality: Pan Personality: She loves anything cute and tries to reflect it in her style. She’s a hopeless flirt and romantic, but will respect boundaries if told the back off. Constantly harboring new crushes. She’s almost always tired and can be seen nursing and iced coffee if she’s not napping. She works well in teams and prefers it to solo work. She really loves animals and is a vegan — won’t hesitate to kill anyone who harms an animal in front of her. Her morals are a mystery to those around her, but she knows she’s not exactly a great person when it comes to how she manipulates the people around her. She’s aggressively nosy and likes to know everything she can about her friends and lovers. She has a way of getting people to spill their hearts out to her, only to turn back and use the info on them when she needs something. Somehow, she still has a lot of friends. Very intense in relationships. A true switch. If she’s in charge, she’s a cruel mistress who likes humiliating her partners. Sanguine has no mercy for those who dare to let her dom. A power bottom, for sure. Cream pie kink.

-

BNHA Verse Extra Name - ??? – Refuses to reveal her real name and goes by Sanguine, her villain name.

Specialty: Assassinations Quirk: Blood Manipulation Quirk info: Sanguine spent lots of time training her quirk to be used as a weapon. Her quirk is strongest during the full moon and is generally more effective at night. She can control the blood flow of others, essentially rendering them to puppets. During full moons, she can cut off their airway. Her quirk is best used against one person. She has anemia, though if the condition is related to her quirk is unknown. She’s best used for missions that need a quick and quiet takeout, as she gets tired easily. Because of this, she prefers to take weapons (knives, guns) with her for backup.

Ann-Marie Bell

Height: 6'1 (186 cm) Appearance: Tall with an athletic body. Rich, dark brown skin with cool undertones. Wears her hair natural - her hair texture is 4A. She has a nose piercing on the right side of her nose. Age: 155 (Appears to be in her early 30s.) Birthday: April 11th — Aries Pronouns: She/Her, They/Them Sexuality: Bisexual Personality: Very optimistic and easy-going. Despite being a Vampire that is over 100 years old, she still holds onto a zest for life. Ann-Marie is very interested in how people work and what makes people tick. She is fast to form friendships and has a knack for making people feel comfortable, even if they feel a strange aura in her presence. She has only change a few other people in her time as a Vampire - she’s never found anyone willing to stick around with her for that long. Unfortunately, she’s paranoid about her secret getting out, so anyone who knows and doesn’t plan on sticking around is taken care of. (With mercy, but still…) Despite her… interesting method of ending relationships, Ann-Marie doesn’t kill the people she feeds from. A sadistic top, through and through. Can and will use her strap to put her lovers in their place.

Elestren

Height: 5'6 (167 cm) Appearance: Average height. Fairly built and stocky. Natural blonde but dyes his hair lavender. (Very meticulous about his appearance.) No piercings or tattoos. Freckly shoulders and legs. Age: 31

Pronouns: He/Him Birthday — January 25th (Aquarius) Sexuality: Pansexual Personality: An evil pseudo-himbo, if you will. Elestren acts very air headed and kind as a front, using his good looks to make the act seem charming. Underneath the surface, Elestren is an extreme manipulator and has always used his looks to get whatever he wanted in life - he doesn’t care how his actions impact the people around him as long as his goals are achieved. Works in the business field but has no real love for it except for the money he makes. Elestren is an extrovert and cycles through groups of friends almost monthly. He doesn’t often find someone he finds worthy of his friendship, and doesn’t care enough to hold the things people tell him in confidence against them. It’s one of the few positives of him - he’ll never tell your secrets because he doesn’t find them interesting enough to talk about. Elestren is, however, a hopeless 'romantic’ when it comes to his darling. His dedication is troubling and he is likely to be manipulative, reverent, and obsessive. He doesn’t let his darlings go easily and will do anything to keep them on his side. A switch that prefers to top. Surprisingly, enjoys being on the receiving end of degradation and humiliation, but doesn’t get to experience it unless he’s with a long-term darling.

[kanyniablue]

headcanons for hws russia

long post, kinda depressing, bring snacks

-miss me with chubby-cute uwu woobie!twink!russia, dude’s built like an old-timey strongman.  just a solid wall of muscle & fat that looks like he could win a fistfight with a tank.  you look at him and go “that is a man who i would know is in the room instinctively”

-but you don’t.  he’s so frickin quiet & light on his feet.  you never know he’s there until he startles you or you get that tingling creeping feeling of something watching you and he’s RIGHT behind you

-he knows this.  he likes this.

-the way he talks either irritates people or makes them want to laugh; he’s so huge and gives off such an intimidating vibe but he talks like a mumbly old grandma, barely loud enough to hear and everything is -yusha and -yushenka and so saccharine sweet it makes you gag

-he’s mocking you with it

-despite the cutesy-ness he’s super blunt and will tell you to your face what he thinks about you, and not in flattering terms, but still dressed up in what should be terms of affection.  it’s kind of upsetting

-about the only time he talks honestly is when he’s too drunk to keep up the facade which isn’t easy to get to, he’s got to be a special sort of depressed and also have enough vodka, which also isn’t easy to get.  he’s still mumbly but it’s much more “god i hate this i hate you i hate myself fuck”

-that sappy little smile he does is only for the westerners during their meetings

-he’s mocking them with it

-the people at home know his face better with just absolutely no emotion, like he’s already decided you’re not worth his time.  the sweetie babushka voice with the cold dead eyes is not an endearing look

-the only thing he really fears, and the only people he ever shows respect for, are the people who have power over him.  he wasn’t like that as a child but after long enough, everything had been beaten out of him except “don’t fuck up when the boss gives you orders.”  he hates anyone having power over him & does everything to make sure there’s only a few people who do, but he also sees it as the natural order of the world--predators eat prey, big countries rule smaller countries, strong people rule weak people, bosses rule Nations.  he overthrew his czar and was communist and they were all supposed to be equal and it still turned out like that, so it must be true.

-he was never the kind to just roll over and accept someone else as leader if they couldn’t prove themselves, he was always pretty self-sufficient and able to survive in a harsh environment.  but as a child he was a lot more friendly and open--even if he also had such poor social skills that it usually came across as creepy.  nowadays he’s so dissociated from that part of himself he couldn’t tell you if he really felt lonely or any sort of sympathy at all.

-he is actually super lonely, it’s just not in a way he can think about.  he’s got this drive to be around people, wants to keep them near him, but doesn’t connect it to the idea he wants companionship (not a euphemism).  and because he doesn’t feel positive emotions or respect for others and thinks in terms of strong-controlling-weak, he instead tries to force people to stay with him and punish them for disobeying him.  he likes to live in close proximity to his neighboring Nations or to visit often, whether he’s welcome or not.

-he doesn’t generally get along well with humans.  with his bosses, he defers to them and then tries mostly to stay out of their way.  with his citizens nowadays he might share a drink or a cigarette but he doesn’t stick around or try to get to know them personally; he claims it’s because he doesn’t care about short-lived little humans but it’s at least partially because he can’t relate to human lives and wants and fears and dreams and he finds it easier to avoid them than to think about it.  with most other countries’ citizens he feels like they have nothing in common so he doesn’t bother.  he’s usually spending time with former eastern block Nations and has a bad habit of falling back into the same patterns of behavior he had back then.

-when he does get attached to someone, human (mostly in the past) or Nation, it’s an overattachment. he can’t leave them alone because they’re all he thinks about and the focus of all the emotions that well up when he’s finally found a ~friend~ and he’ll usually end up scaring them away with how intense and obsessive he is, which to him just proves that he shouldn’t get attached in the first place.

-he’s vaguely aware that he’s doing it “wrong” but doesn’t know how to fix it.  with humans he eventually just decided it’s not worth trying to have a good relationship, they just die in a few years anyway.  with Nations he generally feels like ‘if you think i’m the bad guy, fine then, i’m the bad guy’ and either becomes overbearing and manipulative to keep them with him or throws them out before they can reject him.

-he’s got a way of thinking that isn’t stupid but is so straightforward it misses a lot.  if you can build him a jet engine in 5 hours, then if he makes you work 100 hours straight, you should’ve built him 20 perfect jet engines.  on the one hand, it cuts through a lot of bullshit (”we need to stop this tank.”  “but we have no antitank guns!”  “then we will hit it with what we do have.”)  on the other hand he’s not good at understanding nuance or fixing something that’s not exactly broken but could be a lot better.

-he’s not all big-picture, though--actually he can get lost in details.  it’s a control thing, partially.  if he knows exactly what he’s got and what you’ve got and where you are and what you’re doing and saying and thinking, he won’t be surprised by what comes next (or, so he hopes. somehow things always get worse).

-partially, though, and not a small part, it’s what’s left of the person he was originally, that he would’ve been with a different history.  he used to love studying snowflakes and constellations, painting the delicate designs you see on matryoshkas and folk art like lace or flowers or geometric patterns, even computer coding--especially when it took hours & a whole room of processors to run something simple, he loved creating the most complex and exact programs just as a way to test his skills (aka for fun, but don’t call it that in soviet russia).  all the stuff that to an untrained eye either looks like a mess or is so fiddly you wouldn’t know where to start.  he loves when a thousand tiny pieces all come together into a perfect unified whole.  it got trained into him over the centuries that anything enjoyable is a waste of time though, so he rarely bothers anymore unless he’s got another reason for it.

-he’s blunt and bad at nuance but he does have a sense of humor.  it’s just not usually a nice one.  he likes tricking people, making them mad while he stands there calmly--especially if it makes them do something stupid, saying things that go back and forth between being threatening and “why are you so scared? i just meant (something innocent)” especially with really dark jokes that don’t sound like jokes so much as what he plans to do to his enemies, basically anything that puts him in control of the situation.

-if the joke backfires on him you can bet the people around him get out of his way real quick; he’s not someone you can safely laugh at whether he deserves it or not

-sometimes he laughs at really stupid so-unfunny-it’s-funny jokes, nerd humor, cat memes and bad puns but he’ll never admit it

-he’s good at getting by on almost nothing, to the point where he almost enjoys it.  his car isn’t one car, it’s a frankenstein’s monster of half a dozen different cars’ parts patched together into a moving vehicle.  he can survive on sunflower seeds, vodka, cigarettes and spite, and the first three of those are really only creature comforts.  he once stayed awake for a solid month to keep working and he says that like it’s something to brag about.  it’s control, again--if you can’t make his life any worse by taking away what he’s got, you don’t control him.  he’s got nothing and his life can’t get any worse.  he wins.

-basically he needs therapy but he’ll never get therapy

[hellolittleogre]

Idiots in Love, chapter 2

Technically, first part of the second chapter because its loooong. This chapter features Goodnight matchmaking, references to the film Delicatessen, a cameo from Horne and the reappearance of Sam!

If Billy had a time machine he would go back in time and kick himself in the head for saying he had a crush on Vasquez. Then he would go back even further in time to kick himself in the head for not having a crush on Vasquez, because really, Vas is a dreamboat.

But this is besides the point. The point is that Billy is unfortunately stuck with his crush on Goodnight, and Goodnight seems to have lost his everloving mind since Billy told him about his crush.

(On Vasquez. Which he didn’t have.)

And now Goodnight is matchmaking with the maniacal zeal of a violin player at a third rate Italian restaurant working late on Valentines day. 

He’s not even trying to be subtle about it, throwing them together every chance he gets. Elbows his way to sit down next to Vas and then as soon as he sees Billy hollers “I saved you a seat!” and disappears like a red streak, leaving Billy to sit awkwardly sandwiched between Vasquez and whatever girl he’s hitting on at the moment.Goodnight will make study dates and then clumsily offer a transparent excuse when only the two of them show up and pretend that he has to study in a different section of the library. He lures Billy down to the coffee shop and just “stumble” on Vasquez, before he remembers he had urgent business on the other side of campus. Goody borrows books of Vasquez and then asks Billy to return them. As the final straw, he mentioned to Billy that he had cinema tickets for the student cinema club and on the evening tragically something came up very suddenly and he couldn’t go but oh, hey I gave the other ticket to Vasquez, so I guess have a nice evening?

Billy spends an excruciating two hours watching a French romantic comedy about cannibalism and playing the cello in a dystopian future. He might love Goody but he’ll never get his taste in movies.

“Why do I get the feeling we’re dating?” Vas ask him on the way home and Billy pinches the bridge of his nose to stave off a headache. 

“I might have fucked up,” he concedes and Vas nodded in response.

“I figured it might have been something like that.” he says sagely. “Do you think you could unfuck it please? It’s just that at some point I’d like to get laid and you know, I’m not exactly feeling the chemistry here.”

(“Excuse you, we have plenty of chemistry!” Billy says, stung. Vasquez looks down at him, and then slowly raises his eyebrows.

“Do you want to date me?” he asks, supremely unimpressed and Billy takes him in, the curly brown hair, the dimples, the smile, and the accent and really Billy might have been kicked in the head once too many because he doesn’t. He want some scrawny fuck with dishwater hair who thinks two hours of dystopian French cannibalism is a good time.)

Billy puts in a considerable amount of time over the next couple of weeks thinking about how to clear up this stupid mess, before Goody strains something. Maybe he can have a pretend heart to heart with Goodnight, and he is still carefully staging this scenario in his head and deciding on the exact phrasing when one Friday he opens the door to their dorm only to find  Goody and Sam in bed. 

OK so he doesn’t really get an eyeful of anything, thank God, clothes are still on and hands are not in any too bad places but it still feels too private, too intimate. Sam’s sitting on the bed, leaning up against the wall with his arm around Goodnight, who’s practically curled in his lap, head resting against his shoulder. They both startle when Billy opens the door, Goodnight getting up quickly turning away to face the windows. He’s not sure but it looks like Goody is wiping his hands across his face repeatedly.

“Just uh, put a sock on the door or something,” he mutters, and turns right back around to sit in the library and stare at cat videos for an hour and trying not to grind his teeth. 

There is nothing to be upset about. He had known about Sam and Goodnight but he'd also forgotten.

 It’s easy to forget with Goody's sly smile and gratifying attention. Sam sort of became theoretical knowledge the moment Goody slipped his hand into his, their socked feet resting on each other. Billy realized to his horror that even in spite of knowing about Sam, he'd still stupidly started believing that Goodnight might be into him, that if Billy ever managed to get his words in order and clear up that idiotic misunderstanding about Vasquez and ask Goody out he might say yes. He is going to hit something so hard the next time he’s at the gym for being so fucking stupid. 

Several cat videos later and in a foul mood he trudged back to the dorm, knocking before he opened the door. 

“C’mon in,” Goody hollered and Billy cautiously stuck his head in. Goody is still on the bed, this time lying flat with his hands neatly crossed on his chest, Sam’s bag is on the floor, half unpacked and  the shower is running in the bathroom. 

“Sorry about that,” Goody says apologetically, raising his head from the pillow, his eyes suspiciously red and his face blotchy. 

“Are you okay?” Billy asks, temporarily forgetting to be mad, seeing Goody all laid out flat. 

“Yeah, sure I'm fine,” Goody says rubbing his face, and scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I just…” he sighs.” You know how Sam can be, he’ll just give it to you straight. It can get a bit overwhelming, you know?”

Billy opened his mouth and closed it again. The words echoing through his mind, jealousy and want exploding like twin solar flares in his chest. How could he ever have been so stupid to think he had a chance here?

“Yeah well maybe you can learn to keep it between you and Sam? he heard himself say, frustration making his words short. Goody cut his eyes to him for a second and then looked away, hands starting to pluck for a cigarette

“Yeah, uh sure, of course,” he says, and fiddled with the carton, flipping the lid open and closed. 

“So next time Sam decides to “ just give it to you” maybe you could give me a heads up or something?” The black tar-like jealousy made his tone harsh and Goody twitched a little but nodded guiltily. 

Billy felt like an elephant, every movement unnaturally loud, closing cupboards and putting away his stuff unnecessary force until Sam comes out of the shower, thankfully blessedly clothed, even if his feet are bare. 

“Are you ready?” he asks Goody. 

“Yeah, in a minute,” Goodnight answers,holding up his cigarette, waving towards the window. He kept glancing between Sam and Billy, reminiscent of a dog which could sense it was in trouble, without any idea of what it had done wrong. Its odd that he is the one discomfited because now that he thinks about it Sam is definitely being somewhat short towards Billy, and he has no idea what that is about at all.

While Goody smoked Sam rifled through his clothes and Billy watches him from his bed with jealousy so sharp in his chest if felt like acid reflux. 

It wasn't, he realized not actually jealousy. It’s something else, something more…complicated.

 If Sam made Goody happy then Billy was all for it. He recognized that if kissing Sam was what Goody wanted, he should have it. If Sam was good to him and made him feel good, making Goody's back arch, throwing his head back and gasping, choking out air and praise, toes curling hands opening and closing like cats carding, then Billy wanted that for him. He was envious of Sam. He wanted it too, not instead. It was a curious little realization, and didn’t actually help with his foul mood, or the way his jaw couldn’t seem to unclench, or how he wanted to snarl at them both like a hurt animal. The memory of Goody shyly and carefully reaching out to hold his hand kept intruding, that little voice kept pointing out that Goody was the one to call him, to come running with him, who kept instigating touching like he couldn't help himself. 

“Here, there you go.” Sam says, emerging from one of the drawers and throwing a t-shirt at Goody. “Put that on.”

“Ah no, Sam, really?” Good eyed the item dispiritedly and Sam nods. 

“Oh yes.”

And Goody sighs and peel out of his t-shirt and puts on the one Sam had thrown at him. Billy could see why he doesn't wear it that often, it's too small and the color is a faded washed-out blue but, oh. Oh, it brought out the light blue of Goody's eyes and fitted tight around his sinewy arms and narrow hips,it even made his shoulders look a little broader. He looked delectable. He looked like a twink. 

Billy immediately became very occupied with his phone because he if he stared at Goody for much longer he'd actually start drooling

“Uh, so we’re heading out,” Goody says and Billy is so used to him extending a friendly invitation to come along that it actually surprised him when it didn't come. Sam and Goody were going out alone. And Goody looks good enough to eat. 

Goody kept glancing between him and Sam awkwardly, clearly noticing the lack of invitation himself, not knowing how to smooth out the situation. 

After they had clattered through the door Billy felt jittery and shaky, anxiety prickling up and down his spine and in an effort to quell it he went for a short run. He sped past the campus, focused on making himself run as fast as he could, feet flying almost like an explosion every time he hit the ground. It felt for a moment like he could outrun his problems, the perpetual feeling of strangeness, this unexpected snag in the road that just added more fucking otherness to him.

Coming back he took advantage of the empty dorm room to pleasure himself in the shower, hard and fast, almost viciously thinking of nothing, his mind aggressively blank and stood under shower spray subdued and panting afterwards, watching the water and milky residue swirl around his feet. 

In spite of the run and the post-orgasm lassitude he still felt antsy, the room too empty and the vivid idea of Sam and Goodnight making busy felt haunting. He could go to the library but he felt too restless to study and it was a Saturday night anyway. Under normal circumstances he and Goody would be out playing pool and drinking dark beer, or there would be food and movies in the house Emma, Josh and Vasquez shared. For all that Billy felt lonely he hadn't been alone in a long time. 

The silence in the room seemed to swell and grow and suddenly it’s making  Billy annoyed. It’s Saturday night, why should he sit and stare at the wall? 

It wasn't until he came down to the student bar and saw the gigantic rainbow banner that he hesitated. He remembered Goodnight saying something about how the Gay-Straight alliance arranged bi-monthly student pubs but he hadn't realized it would be one on tonight. Billy hadn't been to the GSA yet, he’d walked past the door a couple of times and once even turned the handle but he'd never managed to go. Goody went every now and then and came back with leaflets and invitations for Billy to come to board game night or sex workshops (called “fuckshops” and just the leaflet made Billy blush and spend half an hour in the bathroom imagining going to one of them with Goody, and being paired up by an enthusiastic workshop teacher and just one thing leading to another…) He always declined. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he’d have to do any of that.

When Billy was fourteen he’d been cornered in the changing room after PE by one of the guys on the football team, who had for one moment touched his chin with a hand both rough and soft and said “If you’d do it for me I’d do it for you?” with a crude and unmistakable gesture and Billy had nailed his eyes to the floor and sidled away like a crab, holding on the strap of his backpack as if it were a life line. His legs felt like water, trying to walk down the corridor and look normal. How could he know? How could he know? Could anyone know just by looking at him? A week later he’d been standing in line at the cafeteria when a hard shove from behind made him fall over and he had scrambled to his feel to see the back of the same guy walking away, the message silent but unmistakable. 

 And now the otherwise normal student pub seemed surrounded by a force field, an invisible barrier that once Billy crossed would proclaim him GAY to everyone in there, not just something that was between him and Goodnight but something Billy was on his own, independently. Something Billy would still be once he’d gotten over this particular crush. 

But then again there is nothing for it. Billy knows, intellectually, that he won’t be in love with Goodnight for the rest of his life, that he’ll have partners and hook ups and boyfriends and if he’s going to be gay he has to get himself out there and actually start being gay. However the fear clings to his legs like an anxious cat, he’s spent so long trying not to let it show on him that the thought of letting people know, deliberately, feels like those dreams where he walk into an exam without any pants on, only a 100 times more exposed.

He’s saved from standing there indefinitely by two young women coming out of the bar, one of them holding the door for him, raising her eyebrows and there is nothing for it but to go through.

Billy wasn’t quite sure what he had expected, possibly strobing lights reflecting off undulating bodies, hard bodies and glitter, not tables set out in neat rows and Horne, the great hulking Religious Studies professor to come shambling towards him. Horne looked like a bear and was president over the College Egalitarian Hiking Club. He was also one of the most embarrassingly religious people Billy had ever met. 

Before Christmas Goody had dragged Billy to his “non-denominational Solstice service”, one of the strangest fucking experiences of Billy’s life, where Horne had started with saying that while he was obviously Christian, anyone else were welcome to dedicate this spiritual moment to any deity they felt they were connected to, and then had rambled a lot about “As how the lengthening days light triumphs over dark so may peace triumph over war etc.” before leading them all in a round of “Here comes the Sun.” Billy had wanted to die of second hand embarrassment, but he had to admit that when Horne came in to do a guest lecture in his Anthropology course he was pretty cool. He was unconventional and soft spoken in a way which was belied both by his build and his academic writing style, which according to some were like being kicked in the head. His feud with Marcel and Jean Pigéon was legendary.

“Rocks, isn’t it?” Horne says in his high reedy voice. “Welcome in,and come sit here, its providence that you came just now, we were one person short and just about to start and it’s so depressing to have an empty spot. I was going to fill in but I imagine everyone here already knows me pretty well. Ha ha ha.”

 And then he quickly deposited Billy in a chair and lumbered off towards the bar, leaving Billy with the sinking feeling of just having agreed to speed date.

[fireleaptfromhousetohouse]

Howcumzit?: Dracula

How come the show never followed up on the idea that Jonathan Harker had fucked Dracula?

They pretty much opened the show by bringing up the idea, after all, which lent an unpleasantly '80s frisson to Jonathan's emaciated appearance - one thinks of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, and that immortal line "the cosmic spores, of course, represented AIDS". But then Jonathan's interactions with the Count end up playing out, if not exactly like the novel, then more or less played straight - you'll pardon the pun, I'm sure.

Dracula does of course go on to gin up sexual tension with pretty much everyone else he meets, no matter their gender or religious leaning, but what makes it particularly surprising here is that in the first episode he's actively becoming sexier in every scene. Yet even when Jonathan is completely in his power, it all seems quite innocent and chaste. Perhaps those aren't quite the right words for being held captive, but nonetheless it doesn't seem to have any particular undercurrent of sauciness. Stephen Moffatt has been quoted as saying that rather than bisexual, this incarnation of Dracula is "bi-homicidal...he's killing people, not dating them". Which would seem to put a pin in the thrust of my complaint here, until you recall - as Moffatt really should have - that the show ended with Dracula banging Van Helsing.

_

How come Gatiss and Moffat couldn't resist slipping in that painfully clunky reference to Sherlock Holmes? And by Sherlock Holmes, what they really mean is their BAFTA-award winning series Sherlock®. 

What makes it so obviously shoehorned in is the much better reference to 'Inside No. 9' in the following episode. Inside No. 9 is of course the comedy-horror anthology series made by the non-Mark Gatiss parts of the League of Gentlemen, which has, so far, not needed nearly as many frantic, flailing fan interpretations to make its plots make sense.

_

How come Dracula's meant to pick up traits from the people he feeds on, but doesn't start speaking in Sister Agatha's silly Dutch accent?

_

How come in episode two, the little mute girl didn't immediately tell her dad that Dracula was the killer?

This is more a straightforward plot hole than a wider point of pondering, but it's one that will probably occur to even the most casual viewer. The show's clearly hoping there's enough other stuff going on that nobody will notice, which is obviously a misstep when what's going on all revolves around there being a killer at large.

Now, there's an obvious fan interpretation to be made here that the little girl - angry with the world - simply wanted to see them all die horribly. I'd watch that, and so, I suspect, would most right-thinking people. It would certainly have made for a better episode three than the one we got.

_

How come the snobby twink's boyfriend spends most of the time resenting the guy's sham marriage, then doesn't seem to care when Dracula feels him up in front of everyone? Come to think of it, why doesn't anybody else care about that?

_

How come Gatiss and Moffat couldn't resist leaping into a contemporary setting?

And why, if they wanted to do it so much, did they have to do it so poorly? Thanks to some confusing editing and omissions, it came off looking like Dracula had been struggling along the sea bed for 123 years.

This is a recurring feature of their work - Sherlock, too, was taking a classic bit of Victoriana and transplanting it into the modern day. The Sherlock Christmas special, though, did put it in its natural setting, which if nothing else worked as a fun, campy thing - and that, despite what Gatfat might think their work is, is the tone that runs right through it like a stick of Brighton rock.

Episode two took a part of Stoker's book, stitched it onto a familiar Murder On The Orient Express-style setup, and then turned Claes Bang's Dracula loose to bounce around in that framework - and it worked beautifully. This could have been a winning formula for any number more episodes, but instead they pissed it all away in favour of a tired Hollyoaks-style relationship drama and a secret institute which definitely isn't Torchwood.

_

How come modern-day Van Helsing didn't have the same silly Dutch accent?

Just to harp on a point, this makes the problem with the time jump quite clear. Van Helsing is pretty much the same character even before they literally inject the original Van Helsing into her - which makes it seem oddly like the sexual tension between her and the Count was somehow heritable. And having already demanded that willing suspension of disbelief, why not go the whole hog, and have Jonathan and Mina's identical great-great-great-descendants turn up too?

_

How come they thought putting a bit of off-coloured prosthetic on the incredibly attractive Lydia West would put anyone off?

The TV and film industry in general has an issue with this, fumbling to present unattractive people while staunchly refusing to even think about casting anyone less than conventionally beautiful. Dracula, however, had already presented some suitably ghastly ghouls, and here went through an overlong sequence of coyly refusing to show us what the post-cremation Lucy Westenra looked like - then the shocking reveal was that, uh-oh, she's got a bit of latex on her face. I'm a man of the world and let me tell you, it would take more than that to change my mind.

_

How come Mark Gatiss didn't stay behind the camera where he belongs?

This isn't to say he's a bad actor, but if he wanted to do Renfield, he should have done it properly. A show that's already had Dracula dressing up in another guy's face before tearing it off (for my money, one of the funniest things on TV in some time) doesn't need wacky comic relief.

_

How come everything about the conclusion?

Okay, that may be a little vague. Let me rephrase it to at least be making a point, rather than inarticulately shaking my fist in the general direction of the TV screen - why'd they even need to have a conclusion?

Gatiss and Moffat are not good at overarching storylines, yet they will keep using them, and I simply don't understand why. The appeal of Sherlock Holmes is to see the guy solving mysteries - so Sherlock had the mysteries take a back seat in favour of examining the ever-more-complicated relationships of the Holmes family.

The last five minutes or so of Dracula's third episode crumble when exposed to the light, which is ironic, because this Dracula doesn't. Given any thought at all, it's clear that the inspiration here was that Gatiss/Moffat thought 'oh shit, we need to wrap this up'. It tries gamely to tie everything together, which is somewhat undermined by at least one dangling plot thread - which the writers have openly admitted was left there in the hopes of getting a second season.

Bram Stoker's novel, spoiler alert, ends with the Count getting staked - but this adaptation went off those rails long ago. The central charm of it is the battle of wits between Dracula and Van Helsing, seeing them try and one-up each other while trading sexually charged barbs in much the same way as Sherlock and Moriarty (or at least the Sherlock and Moriarty that Gatfat gave us). This is a dynamic which could carry on indefinitely, and would have done better if it had, rather than been sidetracked into an unnatural-seeming ending.

[sincerity-moi]

The “Corona-Kids” as I have hence dubbed them! (I spent most of my afternoon on this, so it is with great happiness that I finally introduce the rest of Caled and Varian’s Squad!).

"Knocks": Twink With Cinnamon-Roll Energy

A shy, sweet stable-boy who admires all of his friends to a stupid-extent and follows the people which he likes around like a puppy, he loves horses and works in the stables of Corona's very own barracks with the hopes of one day becoming a horse-trainer for the Royal-Guard. He is incredibly clumsy due a Neurological-Issue with his balance/depth-perception, often running into walls/swinging doors when distracted, hence the nickname. He spends a lot of time learning to work around his disability, so that it won't impede his dreams later down the line. For now though, his job mostly consists of feeding, watering, untacking, and cleaning stalls.

(He is regularly smeared with dirt, poop, and other such horsey-debries, refusing to clean himself off until the end of each work-day sense he doesn’t see much point otherwise, despite literally everyone encouraging him to be a little presentable).

He is the son of a formerly Noble-Women whom had him due to an affair with a Commoner (They are not originally from Corona, so this issue is unknown to the Coronian-Nobility), once the Lord whom she was married to realized this thanks to Knocks’ appearance (He looked nothing like his noble “Father” and little like his mother, sharing the majority of his characteristics with his Commoner-Parent) he had their marriage annulled, but was reasonable enough to let the woman and her newborn leave his presence quietly after that without much fuss as he simply wanted to put it all behind him and remarry someone who could give him an heir without the risk of infidelity. 

Aghast at their daughter’s behavior and worried for their reputation, Knocks’ grand-parents disowned his mother when she tried returning to them, thus stripping her of any Noble-Status. Fortunately resourceful, the Ex-Noble discovered a talent for sewing, and by the time Knocks was three, she had found a job as one of the most popular Seamstresses in Corona, thus establishing their new life there.

Knocks’ mother has never told Knocks that he technically has Noble-Blood, and she doesn’t plan to ever tell him who his father is, either, given that the Commoner with whom she had him shirked all duty to the pair as a father/partner as soon as the affair became public-knowledge.

As far as Knocks knows, he is of %100-Commoner descent (And he doesn’t much care sense his life is pretty nice at the moment).

Cierra: Lover Of Pointy-Things.

Caled's Sparring-Partner, she was originally set up with him by her father (An Ambassador for the King of another Kingdom) in the hopes that they would strengthen the Kingdoms’ bond by forming a romantic-connection. this.... didn’t work, but they certainly formed a strong friendship in the few months that her parents spent in Corona. And her fencing-skills/banter ended up prompting Caled to request that she be kept on in order to help keep him in practice with his swordsmanship (A sort of Tutor/Practice-Dummy, if you will).

Currently, he stays in Corona's Royal-Palace as a guest, whilst her parents have long sense gone home (Occasionally, she will leave Corona for a month or two to visit them and take some more advanced lessons in Noble-Eductation).

Her family is not from the same Kingdom as Knocks’ mother (There is a lot of Kingdoms, Dawg!).

Bruno: Himbo-Chad Supreme.

The son of Corona's "Most Popular" Butcher (With plans to take over the family-business one day), he is very grounded and cheerful, despite his semi-intimidating appearance what with him being built like a brick-shit house and towering over every single one of his friends in height.

He also tries to solve most of his problems with far more brawn than brain the majority of the time, which usually leads to one of his more clever buddies having to help pull his fanny out of the fire. 

He means well, though, and often becomes highly protective of his particularly small/physically-weak friends (Knocks and Varian, I’m looking at you!).

He’s perpetually in a good mood, and always encouraging whenever his pals are having a dapper-day!.

A Bonus For Anyone Who’s Unaware Of Who Caled Is: https://30-2-50-feral-hogs.tumblr.com/post/189128497844/mother-of-god-i-am-so-proud-of-this

Seriously, just picture Scar from The Lion King, but also not because he’s his own person and has good intentions!.

Caled: Rat-Bastard Twink.

He hates everyone except for Varian (Whom he grew up with thanks to Quirin and Fredrick's familiarity with one-another), and occasionally his other three friends. His stank-boy attitude comes mostly from him being entirely aware of the fact that he only exists because (in this AU) Fredrick and Arianna were smart enough to realize that if they didn't get Rapunzel back, their Kingdom would still need an heir. He's always just been "The Spare" to a lot of people (including his parents, who largely ignored him throughout his childhood due to their grief), and because of this he tends to get a little less respect from a lot of the Kingdom than his family-members do (This is shown a lot through how Nigel interacts with him). Despite these issues and his general dislike for both his parents as well as Rapunzel (He has a character-ARC about learning to forgive/trust his blood-relatives, and actually warms up to Raps a lot faster than the others because this wasn’t her fault and he knows it!), however (He was the one that they made spend his entire childhood tirelessly training to become a monarch one day, not this Shoeless-Painter who calls herself his sister, DAMNIT!), he cares about Corona, as well as the people in it.

On the subject of monarchy, Caled is a very clever-minded person with an extremely slippery way of dealing in politics. He's fair (though not particularly kind) with citizens whenever possible, but can be an absolute snake in the Court-Room (making most politicians hate him).

Also, The Outfits That I Designed For These Bitches:

[official-michael-afton]

2. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” virus au, post-fiasco

[You're evil. I like you.]

It started off as a typical afternoon, spending time with Jack and Red, meeting up with his other friends such as Mahsa and Jeremy to discuss cure plans for that damned virus going around to everyone. Mike was... admittedly, very tired, and not listening much to the conversation.

"So how am I to get my husband back?" That was definitely Mahsa's voice, as she anxiously fiddled with her wedding ring "No matter how many times I try to unplug Fritz or get the headset off of him, he just jumps right back in! That thing got into his mind, somehow!"

"I know, I know." Red. He'd never forget his brother's voice. "We think it has to do with that frequency it emits. Can you hear it when it goes off? ... Maybe not, your ears are older-"

"Excuse you, twink, I am 34 years old!!!" She retorted, huffing.

"No no- I- I didn't mean like that-!!!" Red's face flushed as he tried to explain "I mean, it's one of those 'you stop hearing super high pitched sounds at a certain age because your hearing is going even at our age' kinds of things! It also gives me a splitting headache..."

"Oh?" The tape girl rubbed her head "I always thought that was just a stress headache, but it makes sense... So what, do we just plug their ears so they don't hear the frequency?"

"I mean, maybe? The weird thing is, like, it's more than just that. For some reason, the frequency doesn't affect Michael or Jack, it only changes them when they're plugged in-"

Michael's ears began to rang, though he might have imagined it. His chest siezed up as memories of being plugged into the VR Scape came rushing back to him- how tightly that headset was latched onto his face, how it burned his eyes and distored his hearing... He bit back the urge to get up and run away from it all just to try and outrun the memory.

Red continued to speak, and while Michael struggled to listen, he sure did his best to focus on each word "We have a theory that maybe... Maybe it latches onto our remnants. Which would explain why Jack and Michael aren't affected like the rest of us... They've both died and come back to life. Maybe that is the key behind it all?"

"Maybe..." Mahsa remarked, nodding thoughtfully. "Maybe... We could use that to our advantage? I'd never put Mike through that hell again, but maybe Jack would be willing to help us take down Malhare-"

That name was enough to send Mike over the edge.

"Come on, Mikey, dance with me~!" Malhare laughed, clearly on its last strings of sanity, as he grabbed Michael by the wrists and forecfully pulled him close.

Mike whined, keeping his eyes shut. He always hated this part- his stomach was lurching and each movement gave him intense motion sickness. "Let go of me-!!!"

Malhare just laughed, louder than before, as he ignored Mike's plea and pulled the human into a waltz. Distorted carnival music played over the speakers while bright neon lights made the Brit even more sick to his stomach. "Oh, Mikey..." The glitchtrap purred, lowering his voice to a sinister whisper as he got rid of any personal space between them. Mike's heart caught in his throat and his eyes burned as he felt tears welling up. But it was Malhare's next words that truly broke him.

"You are staying with me forever. I will never let you go."

Michael screamed, thrashing his arms as he desperately tried to break free of Malhare's hold on him. He vaguely felt himself fall and land on his butt, yet that didn't stop him from continuing to try and get out. He was thrashing, yelling, and clawing at his face to get that damned headset off... He felt something grab his hands and hold them tight: a gesture that would normally calm him if he wasn't trying to get as far away from Malhare as possible. He resorted to kicking.

"Michael- MICHAEL!!!"

That voice. He knows that voice. He'd never forget his-

"... R... R-Red...?"

He stopped thrashing long enough to look at who held his hands, only to find his brother on the other end. Not Malhare, but his twin brother. His chest heaved as he hyperventilated, looking around the room to try and get his bearings. Right... Right, he was in a room with his friends, not in the VR scape.

"I'm here." Red's voice was his anchor, keeping him grounded to reality, even if he was only holding on by a thread. "You're safe, Mikey, I'm here."

Mike broke, grabbing his twin and pulling him into a hug, shaking and sobbing into his shoulder "I'm sorry- I-I'm sorry- I'm s-so, so s-sorry-"

"It's okay." Red held him tight and, unlike Malhare's grip, it made him feel secure "It's alright, you did nothing wrong..."

"I- I just- I-I-I don't know wh-what happened- he- I-I saw him- a-and I- I could fe-feel his grip o-on me and- and I couldn't get away a-a-and-"

"Shhhh, he can't hurt you anymore." Red soothed, rubbing his back to try and calm him "We won't ever let him near you again, you're safe now, he'll never hurt you again."

It took some time, but what had been a full panic attack became soft, upset sobs. His breathing had calmed to a steady rate, though he definitely had been sniffling every few seconds due to the tears and snot running down his face.

After a while, Red pulled away from their hug enough to look him in the eyes "Hey, let's take a break from all of this. How does hot cocoa sound?"

... Mike couldn't help but smile a little "I-I... I thi-think I'd like tha-at..."

[actually-android]

Hello! I've been thinking about this for a lil bit, and I finally decided to send in an ask! In 'Martyr' you mention that the reader is Human, while Link is Hylian, and I wanted to ask if you would be willing to elaborate more of the differences between the races? You've written that Hylians in general are much more advanced with strength and physical abilities, would that correlate with, for example, height between the two? (Sorry I'm a hoe for height differences) Any info would be awesome!!💙

Yeah, course! To tell the truth, there isn’t that much that hasn’t already been covered cause in regards to that, I’m trying to smush it as close to canon as I reasonably can lol, but the way I kind of see it in my head (mostly from combing through the Zelda wiki for any concrete differences between the two races) is that the differences between humans and Hylians in the Zelda series are respectively, incredibly similar to the differences between humans and elves in lotr-like fantasy series.

Here’s a list explaining the ones I’m gunning with:

Perhaps the most immediately obvious difference: Hylians have elongated ears. A Link to the Past even states that this physical feature enabled them to ‘hear special messages,’ and that not only did they allow them to hear faint sounds that might be impossible to hear otherwise, but that they could also use them to hear words telepathically transmitted over time and space by other Hylians.

They’re physically stronger. I base this mostly off the fact that despite Link’s chaotic twinkness, he can carry around the Lynel crusher like it’s not even shit.

Faster metabolism. I think it’s safe to assume that in order for Link to heal near-fatal injuries acquired in the midst if battle within 0.2 seconds of scarfing down an unseasoned rotisserie chicken, his body has to work extremely fast to take nutrients from the things he eats and make use of them.

I think it would also explain why Link’s endurance is so low, why he can’t spend any period of meaningful time in suboptimal temperatures before literally dying (which is why he was so red-alarm to the reader being a little cold in chapter 4), and why he can only run for 20 seconds before passing out.

Their bodies work faster and stronger, and that’s a good thing in about 90% of situations, but certainly not all of them. The reader, for instance, has a much better chance of getting to the top of a cliff without running out of energy half-way through, because Link’s Hylian body will use it up at a faster rate. That being said, they might not have the grip strength to climb some of the walls that he can scale.

In real life, humans have always differentiated themselves as a species thanks to their long-term endurance. We can more effectively ration our energy than most other species on earth, so it makes sense to me that this would carry over into the Zelda universe.

Elixirs only work on Hylians. Sidon implies this the first time he meets Link and gives him the electro elixir. “I am not sure why, but its effects do not seem to work for Zora. Perhaps because it was made specifically for Hylians.”

Their beliefs. I never really go into depth into human religion, but I do presume that Hylians are for the most part, an incredibly pious species, and that Hyrule’s prevalent religion: Din, Nayru, Farore, Hylia etc., started with the Hylians in Skyward Sword and spread to the earth.

Humans are sneakier and more creative. They’re more likely to want to think outside of the box and refuse to adhere to traditions. As such, they tend to make better inventors.

They’re not a magical species, and can under no circumstance influence the use of any magic. That being said, the right magic can occasionally affect them.

Hylians are far lighter. This is the only-in universe explanation I have for the fact Link’s weight is balanced out by approximately 8.5 apples and that he doesn’t drop like a stone every time he whips out the paraglider.

They have better eyesight. I just base this off the fact the game never gets dark enough that you (as the player) can’t see where you’re going–even if it’s 12am in the middle of a forest.

I imagine that the degree to which these qualities are inherited depends on the purity of the Hylian’s genetics. For martyr, I’m presuming that the royal blood-line (including the royal knights of which Link was a part of), is 100% Hylian, while the average person in town is maybe a couple notches below that, thanks to racial mixing far in the past.

There’s a line in the wiki somewhere (though I can’t find it now) that mentions the child of a Hylian-Human couple has round ears, which I’ve extrapolated to mean that human genes tend to be dominant. This, combined with the fact that Hylians are an incredibly superstitious species, leads to the prejudice that the reader describes in the fourth chapter.

Sadly, Link is a pretty average height amongst the other humans in Twilight Princess, so I’m tempted to say there probably isn’t much separating them in that regard. But don’t let that stop you. One of my headcanons is that Hylians live for far, far, longer than humans, even though that’s outright disproved in botw. Canon is fake if you disagree with it lmao.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 2 - Nudie Groovin’ straight into a plot crater.

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause...cause.

Last time on Gormless:

Alexia’s husband gotta do a thing in London. Her lawn is full of hot werewolves and the hottest one tried to both beat the shit out of her and fuck her. She’s not into being beat up, but she still wants to fuck him. That’s healthy.  She’s gotta get to London too but her token dumb friend, Ivy, shows up and wants to talk about how she’s engaged to someone she doesn’t love.

Chapter 2 - Nudie Groovin’ straight into a plot crater.

Maccon is running his little wolf butt over to London where the problem is.  As he’s running he thinks, “My wife has said I’m handsome in my wolf form but never in my human form.”

Damnit Alexia you’ve implied you think dogs are hotter than people twice already and we’re only at chapter two and like...I’m all for horny female leads, but Alexia is directing her horniness in every direction and some of them are incorrect. 

Meanwhile Ivy is fussing over the servant who got punched, Tunstell.  Ivy and Tunstell were the two that Lyall and Alexia tried to shack up at Alexia’s wedding. So, as predicted, Ivy is marrying somebody not Tunstell cause DRAMA!  However in the span of 2 pages they make…I shit you not…7 separate references to how badly the two are pining for each other.  Mind you some of the references are multiple sentences long and this type face is fucking enormous.

They’re not even cute, clever, or even amusingly overplayed. After this many references in such a short time frame I’d count that as haha FUCKING ANNOYING!  Alexia, like a good friend, tells Ivy that Tunstell is a servant of the pack so he can become a werewolf someday, and that if he gets to that point he’ll probably die during the transformation.  If he doesn’t get to that point, Tunstell as an actor is paid in dirt and dysentery. So it’s better that she’s marrying any other dude.  That was some ice cold shit that I was honestly not expecting at all out of her.  Alexia personally tried to get the two of them together at the end of the last book, and her recent ~romance~ bloomed against all odds.  The only reason she’s dumping this shit on Ivy is to make sure this drama lasts more than a chapter…or maybe she doesn’t think Tunstell and Ivy have a healthy relationship cause they don’t spend all of their interactions screaming or fucking or scream-fucking each other.

But eventually Alexia remembers she’s late for a meeting so she hops in her carriage to get there.  Ivy goes with her and it’s stated that Ivy relates to Alexia her wedding plans for 2 hours straight.  And oh lord, I have been in similar situations. A part of me feels for Alexia, but another part of me is like...not long ago I read what felt like 20 pages of wedding dress, food, and decor descriptions.  So she gets what she deserves.

We eventually get to the meeting and thus meet the head werewolf and vampire who she just refers to as their titles.  The head werewolf is called a Dewan and is a big hairy grump who high-key hates her. The head vampire is called a Potentate and is a slimy suck-up who low-key hates her.  

Let’s set the timer for when they both begrudgingly come to respect her!

We tediously re-explain the humanization phenomenon and introduce the ~glassicals~ again.  Great that was so important and hilarious from the last novel.  The Potentate also implies there’s a supernatural race stronger than the ones we already know. DUN DUN DUN!  Also that an Alpha werewolf from Maccon’s old pack has mysteriously died.  DUN DUN DUN!  Eventually both the Potentate and the Dewan accuse Alexia of causing this humanization problem in London but eventually they all decide it is some ~science~ thing.  They also bring up all the soldiers are coming back at the same time but the literal head of the military, the Dewan, when asked about this is like, “I honestly don’t know? I think it’s cut-backs I guess?” I’m glad we have an ominous plot point to build mystery and tension, but I really wish you didn’t slip it between two slices of real shit writing.

So they put Alexia in charge of investigating this phenomenon. So what does Alexia do? She goes home, reads some books in her library, gives up, and goes to bed.

She does not send people out to interview those who have ties to anti-supernatural movements, investigate abandoned buildings, quiz any scientists working in the science of the supernatural, check to see if any supernatural people where murdered since it’s been going on, see if it started in certain parts of London before others, or question powerful supernatural people in the London area to find some potential suspects. She could also try to figure out if anything else was happening around the same time for clues, like I DON’T KNOW how all these military folks are coming back at the same time?

Nah bro, just read old ass books you’ve already read for clues to a brand new phenomenon.

In the first book it made sense that she just wandered around and asked her buds for help cause she was a nobody just curious about shit.  She’s now one of the most powerful women in the most powerful nation and now she’s doing less than the 1st book?  Yep she is a keen investigator! Glad you put her in charge Queeny!

So Maccon comes back, says the humanization thing has suddenly and mysteriously stopped.  We almost get more information but they do the thing they’re best at. By that I mean, they sorta put in a token effort to argue with each other over petty bullshit but they’re too horny to care enough and bang.  But we get fade to black don’t ya know. K book, that’s why I have an adult novel!

Say something nice faps:

At least there’s plot.  Plot that is starting mysterious in order to build some tension.

Lots of exposition in this chapter that’s not total garbage.

I can approve of Ivy having a crush on Tunstell, the dramatic twink. I would feast for years upon dramatic twinks before I’d even glance at 1 perfumed Neanderthal.

They make a gay joke at Maccon’s expense while he’s naked.  And a part of me thrills to see an egotistical homophobe humiliated.

Gotta agree with the higher ups, Alexia does suck, but it’s best not to feed her hungry-as-hell persecution complex.

When Maccon and Alexia bang it implies that Maccon goes down on her. And like…cunnilingus is awesome okay, I’ll celebrate consensual cunnilingus almost anywhere.