#like hey can you be normal for once
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my honest reaction
#andrew rannells#legit WHAT is bro doing#like hey can you be normal for once#just make a normal face#or even smile#don’t fucking look at me like that#hate him so bad
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friendly reminder that Neteyam is a well-adjusted kid who has a good relationship with his parents, that he tries his darnedest to be a good warrior because he genuinely looks up to his dad and wants to be like him, and that the idea that Jake and Neytiri are "forcing" him to be perfect, that they "stole his childhood" or that he's "not allowed" to be a kid, etc. are all pure fanfiction with little to no evidence in canon thanks bye
#avatar#avatar 2#neteyam#given how hesitant Jake is to let Neteyam fight I can absolutely GUARANTEE you that there was almost certainly NEVER an interaction...#...in which Neteyam said ''hey Mom and Dad I'm gonna go hang out with Lo'ak and Kiri now''#and Jake and Neytiri reply ''no son you're too old for such childish things you must come do Adult Tasks that you secretly hate instead#so you can be the Perfect Future Olo'eyktan™"#THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN#AND IT'S NOT “IMPLIED” TO HAVE HAPPENED EITHER#Y'ALL MADE THAT UP IN YOUR HEADS#along with the idea that Neteyam secretly hates his lot in life and is internally yearning to be A Normal Kid™#guys Neteyam WANTS to be a warrior he WANTS follow in Jake's footsteps he strives so hard because HE *WANTS* TO OF HIS OWN ACCORD#there is absolutely d i d d l y s q u a t that suggests this path is being “forced” on him#or that he is being secretly ~crushed under the pressure~ and Just Wants to Be Free or w/e#you. made. that. up.#it's not a canon aspect of his character#and. look. if you wanna explore the idea of him being ''crushed under pressure'' in a fanfic#because you find it interesting or it helps you work through your own stuff then hey be my guest#but once you start saying stuff like#''oh i feel so bad for [canon] Neteyam because he died before he could break free of his parents' toxic influence''#Shut Up™#neteyam's parents were not a toxic influence; he was never forced into being something he didn't want to be; his childhood was not “stolen”#he did not have anything to “break free” of. you are injecting extra layers of tragedy that aren't actually there#you are giving yourself extra grief for things that were never canon#stahp#feel free to write whatever you want in fanfiction but please i am begging you#to be aware of which ideas are actually present in the movie vs. which ones are just fanfiction
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Today I got to have an entire 3 message long dm convo with Alex Hirsch. I am never getting over this high.
#Alex Hirsch#this is the greatest day of my life#I even managed to show total decorum#didn't even use any words like decorum#I wanted to. but I didn't.#didn't even use the word macabre. wanted to do that too. I used normal words that normal humans use#as to not sound like a complete and total tool#hopefully ahfkajgkkak#I restrained myself to only saying 3 messages bc any more than that and I'd have to publically execute myself for overstepping boundaries#and I didn't even use any key smashes! and only One socially acceptable emoji.#I can't stop myself from using emojis entirely. those are a disability accomodation at this point ahfkjskgjskgjak#hey are these normal things to think#I think so#I got his twitter message directly at the start of my train ride and I've been processing my emotions for the rest of the trip#I keep nearly flagging down the train attendants to be like 'hiiii can I tell you about the good news :) not in a jesus way I promise'#but once again: restraint 🙏#you're WELCOME train attendants#it was so funny though Alex was like 'lemme know what you want to have grunkle stan say!'#and even when given permission to talk I was like damn he's going to kill me if I send a message#but I sent it#and he was very very nice#and will be sending me the grunkle stan recording tomorrow (✷‿✷)#work is going to be physically impossible tomorrow#sorry customers please pardon me while I run to the produce cooler and scream at the top of my lungs for 20-30 minutes#fluffle talks#what's the opposite of emotional devastation. bc I'm that right now.
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when u escape ur burning down house and all of your family and friends are like “im glad you got out of the house that was burning down so you didnt also burn to death” but youre like. but i liked my burning down house. and maybe it would have stopped burning at some point and i could have stayed there :/ but you know it wouldnt have and now you can get a really nice new house that you built yourself that doesnt have asbestos in the walls but it wont be the same house and that will eventually be okay but right now you just dont have a house. you know. and its getting dark out.
#i want to go HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bitch!#this is a limited edition post i will be deleting it once i eat food and feel normal again#hey can you eat a mushroom pot pie if it was sitting out for three hours#i went to happy hour with my friends last night and we sat there until like 9 pm i felt so bad for our waitress. but we were Discussing.
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omg guys proshipper isn't "basic dni criteria", like that list is supposed to represent actual irl issues(*), not some 2020 internet discourse. you guys are so annoying like if you're uncomfortable interacting with proshippers i understand and respect it, although you probably have a very twisted idea of what the word means (would make a separate post abt it but there are hundreds already). but please don't equate it to actual crimes. (*)also do you seriously think that a bigot troll is going to read your dni and be magically expelled from your strong aura. if anything it's going to make them want to harass you more. it's obvious that those lists are just a pose like "if i don't put racists dni they're gonna think i'm racist" NO aaagh you don't have to over-specify(?) everything about you when interacting online can we please go back to being normal istg. reject modernity embrace not writing a dni list and just blocking people like a normal person <3
#tsun.txt#also ppl who write all their triggers and traumas are you fr that too is going to make it easier for trolls to harass you#children need to learn basic internet safety etc etc#i needed to vent bc i've been on toyhouse and i'm SO tired of everyone using the “warning” tab for fucking dni's#come and block me yourself bitch. the warning is supposed to be info about what could trigger ME.#BRO i just remembered once i was looking at the artists that were going to attend a con and one of them had fucking proship dni in their bi#like IMAGINE limiting your sales bc you care about what other people like to read?? i'm going to put fucking. idk. team kira dni.#also i sometimes go to cons as an artist too. imagine if i got placed next to that person#what do they want me to do? them: “hey can you move your chair a little” me: ignoring them bc i read their dni#it's INSANE#not @ me being paranoid abt ppl cancelling me for this post despite having like +300 blocked accounts#but i'm coming out (?) as a non-harasser. like i don't even use the word profiction. i'd rather call myself normal.#i sound like those people who're like my pronouns are nor/mal but FR this used to be the norm in fandoms *sob*#also ppl online are limiting their interactions for not wanting me to reblog their art but okay#in MY case i'm hella limiting my interactions for not wanting to be harassed. we're not the same.#i be like why does this have so few notes *has half the fandom blocked*#and ppl probably wouldn't even notice bc most of what i post is wholesome but then i write textposts like this. better safe than sorry#discourse
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hi i saw your ask to applesauce and i just wanted to say im so proud of you for pulling yourself out of the radicalization pipeline, that takes true strength and bravery
thank you :) it’s tough because those spaces are excellent at conditioning people who have no involvement with the conflict whatsoever into a very absolutist “you must be thinking and talking about this issue at all times, otherwise you are a Bad Person who supports Bad Things and deserves to Die” mindset but really any “peace activist” whose “solution” relies on the complete demonization and dehumanization of another group of people does not care about peace or activism at all and i’m much happier now that i’ve stopped giving antisemitic bullshit any sway over my life. obviously does not absolve me from the harm i caused by being a part of it but i’m glad that i no longer am
#like. it is insane how quickly supposed “progressives” (me included) were able to set aside the idea that like#two things can be true at once and human rights are unconditional and a marginalized group gets to define their own oppression#in favor of centuries of deep seated cultural antisemitism because if you don’t support the ruthless slaughter#of hundreds of civilians in their homes then you must support the killing and displacement of a different civilian group. apparently#and anyone saying “hey that first thing was bad actually” also supports this and is Lying and Looking For Pity#nuance just flew out the window and this shit is everywhere. it is much less distressing to live without that cognitive dissonance#and be able to condemn both things at once like a normal fucking person (but unfortunately not average)#i cant imagine how it feels to be a jew in diaspora right now i’m sorry the world’s gone fucking crazy and i’m sorry i did too#this got long but yes. thank you and i am trying my best to be a better person and safer for jews <3#pusheenthenerdcat#ask#leftist antisemitism
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i think part of what makes so many people just flock to dungeon meshi as well is that it's also a story involving an autistic main character, who actually IS the main character
Because many stories will have an autistic character in them and then the story is more about how all the neurotypical people AROUND the autistic character deal with the characters autism, and the autistic character ends up as a side-character in a story that's supposed to be ABOUT them.
But in dungeon meshi, Laios especially is so much the main character! And i know he's not the only one, and not the only autistic character obv, and i know the story isn't about just him alone OR his autism...
But we get Laios' perspective. On just about everything. The story is, in the roughest terms, about the party venturing into the dungeon in order to save Falin, who got eaten by the red dragon. They're on a time constraint and have no money or equipment except what they literally have on their backs. That's the story.
Another author, a worse author, probably wouldn't have made Laios the party leader. A worse author would've relegated Laios to the "weird, awkward newbie who's excited about monsters but doesn't have the slightest clue or experience with them" who's job would've been to cite fun facts about whatever monster they encounter from some book he carries around, and the main interactions between him and the party would've been them yelling at him or calling him weird, to the point where you're wondering what this characters purpose even is in the story beyond comic relief.
And I'm so glad we didn't get this.
Instead of a story that emphasizes how "weird and unlikable" this weird character is, we get Laios being the partys leader, who, yes, is weird, but also competent and knowledgable and skilled and also is still a full character, with thoughts and feelings of his own, who actually speaks his mind and interacts with others on equal footing, who defends himself when he KNOWS he isn't in the wrong.
Laios and Shuros confrontation is both shocking, and also a huge breath of fresh air.
(Also, i know that "Shuro" isn't his real name but i can't remember his real name and I can't be bothered to look it up rn)
Shuro tells Laios to learn to read the room. A worse author would've had Laios apologize to Shuro for his own incompetence, but instead of meekly accepting that accusation, Laios throws it back in Shuros own face. That Shuro should've just been direct and honest with Laios when he KNEW that Laios wasn't getting it, instead of just playing along and letting that resentment fester.
And Laios is not only shouting it out, speaking his mind, and refusing to be treated as lesser than anyone else just because he can't "read the room", but he's also portrayed as RIGHT! Shuro would've have had to put up with Laios, whom he didn't like, but whom he let believe that they were friends, if he had just TOLD Laios he didn't like him DIRECTLY.
and look, i know that there's some hints or pages or whatever you wanna call them, that Shuro is also autistic, but comes with a different background, which basically just makes him and Laios incompatible in a certain sense.
But even with all that, Shuro still had no right to fault Laios for his shortcomings, when his own shortcomings played just as much of a role in their eventual confrontation. And the difference? Shuro KNEW how he himself AND Laios felt, but Laios only knew how he himself felt. Shuro was at an advantage in their situation, and he still faulted Laios and made him out to be this villain, who was purposely trying to make Shuro miserable, when Shuro himself NEVER opened his mouth to correct Laios!
And the thing is, Shuro isn't in the wrong for not liking Laios. Shuro is in the wrong for blowing up at Laios without EVER even giving him the chance to correct his behaviour!
And Laios KNOWS this, and he REFUSES to just apologize for something that wasn't even his fault! How could he possibly have known Shuro didn't like him, when Shuro never gave him any kind of indication of that fact?
And that's just it, isn't it?
Because I know I've experienced this kind of situation, even if exact memories don't come to mind, and I know other autistic or otherwise neurodivergent people have experienced this kind of thing. Of someone whom they were just having a normal conversation with or whom they considered a friend, just randomly blowing up at them for no conceivable reason. From our perspective, the other person just randomly decided they didn't like us anymore, didn't care about us anymore and wanted to be rid of us, or decided we were suddenly just evil, and they got mad at us, yelled at us, called us names, and then just left. And we're left confused and sad and, having no other information to go off of, because none was given to us, are bound to come to the conclusion that there's something wrong with us. We're just not likeable and any kindness from other people coming our way is just them being too polite to say anything until they've decided they had enough of us and abandon us. Because they never liked us. They were just too polite to say anything until they couldn't take us anymore.
#i won't lie that specific situation feel pretty personal#not to me specifically but to the author#because I'm not sure if any “normal” (neurotypical) person ever thinks about things like this#they just think we're dumb or malicious or something and don't even consider that maybe we just don't have all the pieces#and instead of just telling us we get treated like we've either evil or like we're children with the end result being that we get yelled at#and abandoned#oh hey while writing this a memory DID come to mind#in elementary school i wanted to play with these two classmates#and the thing is that they've apparently decided to play tag with me on the playground#except they didn't tell ME#so i was left looking for them all over while they kept running away from me for reasons i had no idea of#and the only reason i figured it out is bc i actually did get to see them once and was making a beeline for them only for them to point at#me and run away the moment they saw me#and i saw them doing that since i was beelining for them#can you imagine how hurt and betrayed i felt after that?#i had no idea why they were running from me#it's been 15 years and i still don't know#so the only reason i have left for why they could've done that is as a mean prank on me#because what other reason could there have been?#i've never been mean to them as far as i knew. from my perspective there was no reason for them to dislike me#and i know that others have had similar experiences and is it really any wonder that neurodivergent people have so much trouble making frie#*friends?#dungeon meshi#laios touden#laios dungeon meshi
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Getting hella frustrated about zelda wikis and how limited each are but not insane enough to join the wiki team to add all the shit their missing
#zelda dungeon is my go to but man its frustrating#how stubbed the hw articles are#and how hard they have quarantined hw from the rest of the articles#like i dislike the fandom wiki#for fandom reasons#but they atleast insert hw info into normal articles that it pertains to#i personally dislike how its separated just cause i dont like how it looks#like example i was on epona's page#and hyrule warriors isnt mentioned once#shes a whole weapon class in hw#not even a thing at the bottom like 'hey btw shes in hw' like#i know that its a grey zone cause of how not but also technically yes canon it is but its a fully nintendo endorsed side game series#they add age of calamity info to botw/totk pages and thats in a similar grey zone#i have a personal vendetta about how lacking their page on my fairy is#as someone who is still trying to find reference images for all the base fairy designs you can get in hw#its so annoying that no wiki has a full gallery of all of them#the fandom koei tecmo wiki has the best page for learning about my fairy#not any of the big loz wikis#grumble grumble#i notice it cause wiki diving is one of my favorite hobbies so#the brain rot is real#i cant join a wiki team#i would die from stress i already have too many fucking projects rn#loz#legend of zelda#jellyfish's thoughts
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its really interesting to me how the resident vampires in general of gg and bb have such completely different ideologies. mostly in reference to slayer and rachel but i think this somewhat extends to clavis also bc iirc he wasnt an observer but still kinda played by the same rules. theres at least a plot reason for rachel not to stick her nose into anything plotwise but she still kinda does anyway and i think even if she didnt have the bystander restrictions she wouldnt deign to interact with anyone all that often. i like the dichotomy of the alucards' general attitudes towards humans being at least moderately scornful and superior to some extent even if not actively despite still ultimately wanting to help out (mostly rachel tbh but theres still elements of the typical fiction vampire superiority complex type shit just in general vibes wise for all three of them, esp in relation to like. fuzzy) and slayer's attitude that humanity is a beautiful thing and wanting to help the people he comes across despite having no particular incentive to do so aside from personal fascination and goodwill. rachel already built in having some level of scorn for humans as lesser and also having ample incentive to never interfere with the main storyline as it carries out but doing it anyway because despite these things she still cares despite the active threat to her Literal Existence vs slayer having no skin in the game either way if he does or doesnt help anyone out but still deciding to try to help others find their way regardless just because if nothing else its the most interesting thing to do from his perspective. he has no external motivation TO or NOT TO interfere with anything, its just essentially long term people watching and hed rather do good than do nothing
#crow.txt#ggposting#blazblueposting#not a dunk on rachel or any of the alucards for once its just an interesting dichotomy#and also the like. slayer being very chill with the whole living forever thing. he gets to be with his wife forever and help lost souls#and hes content with this. pretty cool#and whole assassins guild thing WOOF.#also not to say slayer doesnt have any supernatural superiority complex adjacent stuff going on#its just more flippant and subtle. hes chill about it. he states it like a fact cause it is and jokes about it#like ah yes ill try not to crack you in half like a twig sorry about that!#vs rachels whole Bark Like A Dog You Are Beneath Me Worm Become The Dirt I Tread On shtick#which very. very. very quickly gets tired. between her and valk. like its funny at times but i never really like haughty bitches#unless theyre funny or self aware about it in some way. like wagner unib is just so fucking unhinged about it that its hilarious.#she grew on me. rachel admittedly has too over time but theres just some inherently grating aspects in my brain#shes not even funny about it.............#like eliza too. talks mad shit. she can back it up at least. like hardcore. rachel can too but its kinda boring#eliza is ready and willing to just cut someone down for being remotely in her way. she dgaf.#i think one of the most crucial differences is you can talk to slayer However and he'll be chill about it to some extent#vs rachel getting big fucking mad if you say something unintentionally disrespectful like calling her a kid. and acting like shes not#like if your first response to a normal person saying 'uh hey kid wheres your parents??' is Lightning#i dont think youre actually as high and mighty as you like to act. youre just kinda irritating and childish#the 'you have to respect me utmost before i treat you like a human being' is not cute ma'am
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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in my head I refer to people as love all the time. Or babe if I'm 1) frustrated or 2) close with them. Unfortunately we live in a Society and I can't do that. Anyways if you see this and I've almost fallen asleep on you one or more times I think of you as love in my head. If ur milo i think I've called you babe and I stand by that. I wish pet names weren't romantic coded
#If I don't know people that well my heart refers to them as friend#Sometimes also love but in a lighter more general way#Same way that I love everyone#You too btw! Idk if I'll never think of you once I my life. I've got enough love to go around. Please have a perfect day#Same way I refer to the kids I work with as kiddo or little dude. My brain just likes categorizing and pet naming#I wish it wasn't so familially coded#Nvm actually I wish familial coding was more normal to have with friends#I also refer to myself as love when I'm not in the royal we mode#It's either 'hey love let's go do this! Can you get water please' or 'we should go get water. Let's get water. Come on let's go get water'
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theres a hypothetical instance of asylumstuck being written well and not incredibly offensive and yet every single time i see some old asylumstuck posts i am blown away by how they manage to get literally every depiction of mental illness incorrect. its like they googled the symptoms and then deliberately wrote against the reality of those illnesses. its like they googled awful stereotypes about mentally ill (mostly psychotic or suicidal people) and made it their personal project to include as many as they could
#i am not opposed to the idea of writing characters from anything in a psychiatric hospital#however#like from the bat they use the very sensational name 'asylum' which is okay i guess since its one word and well known enough#but to go on and be like#yeah terezi and john *know the truth* about them being in an au and believe theyre supposed to be gods in a video game#oh calliope has some weird fucked up writing combination of psychosis and DID#where she simultaneously thinks caliborn is a hallucination ('imaginary friend') and an alter that 'takes over when shes mad'#or like#gamzee is a murderer and a schizophrenic and a cannibal#or sollux has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and its obvious op didnt google if you can have both at once bc theyd immediately see#that that would usually just be diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder#like im not saying you cant write this setting and write it well. but its so fucking obvious its coming from a sixpenceee sort of place#where psychosis and DID and ocd and personality disorders are creepy aesthetic horror movie things#like hey you guys know not every psychiatric patient is psychotic right. and psychotic people are normal right#ffs have some tact its really not hard to google the actual symptoms and testimony from people with these conditions#sorry this got really ranty it just blows me away how ive seen people posting about asylumstuck in this decade#sorry if i spelled asylum wrong in this post and didnt catch it ive got the dyslexia
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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not me constantly putting mass effect, zelda, and pathologic examples in my classes and showing my entire ass over and over and over............
#thoughts#shitpost#strangely enough I put a lot of untitled goose game too???#I don't know why I didn't even play it that much....#it's just a very well executed concept what can I say#OF COURSE there is some edith finch/brothers/etc all the narrative designer Classics#I never put examples from the games I worked on....... I have too much beef with them.....#maybe I will once the next one is released but my two “big” ones I'm like...... trying to find an extract on youtube....#.....and then the cringe wins.....#(I mean I could use them as a way to critique what I think doesn't work BUT that's cowardly and not super professional I think)#(given those decisions weren't mine --I'd be throwing colleagues under the bus and that's not nice)#but that's so funny I'll be like#HEY so think about family dynamics in your worldbuilding#for NO REASON in particular here are. salarians.#there are just a RANDOM EXAMPLE. don't overthink it. I certainly. have not. spent the last decade thinking about them.#did you know the way they reproduce is called haplodiploidy --no wait come back I'm NORMAL I swear 😭😭😭
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substack but for your beta readers, one chapter a week, easy to get feedback, you get to feel like charles dickens doing serial fiction, is this anything
#i am. possibly going to start floating the idea of beta readers#even tho asking people to read my shit now has Emotional Baggage#so i'm working on Not feeling like asking 'hey no pressure at all if the answer is no but would you ever want to read one of my Babies'#'if the answer is no that's totally cool and you can crush my head in with a doc marten if you want'#is actually a grave relationship-ending sin#every author on the planet has an acknowledgements page full of people who beta read their shit so like. that's normal#i just have to stop feeling like i deserve crucifixion for asking#but yeah i think maybe i could assuage some of my own guilt by not sending ppl a 150k-word word document all at once#aster chat
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