#like he’s fine with being hated (he’s not) but… idk to me at the end of the day he��s a very like . Scared person
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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okay, but where's my steddie AU where steve wants to learn to play guitar to impress a girl he's infatuated with and he remembers that munson kid was always hanging up posters for his weird band at school, so he hikes out to eddie's usual dealing spot behind the track and asks (with far less groveling than he really should have) if eddie will teach him how to play, and obviously eddie says no because why would he want to help king steve, but of course, steve offers to pay him, $20 a week, and well, that's the kind of get-the-hell-out-of-this-shithole-town cash eddie really can't afford to refuse, so fine, he'll teach steve to play and they'll spend inordinate amounts of time together tucked away in eddie's room and they'll start to see that they have more in common than they thought and that they kind of had each other all wrong, and eddie will put his hand over steve's to help him get the placement for a tricky chord and it totally won't awaken anything in either of them?? where is it??
edit: i started writing it
#steve x eddie#steddie#stranger things#someone tell me this has already been written because i need it. please.#bonus points if steve shows up to the first practice session empty-handed#and eddie nearly calls the whole thing off when he has the Audacity to grab at eddie's sweetheart as if eddie'd ever let him play her#and he doesn't even teach steve anything that day because rule number one get your own fucking guitar and keep your mitts off mine#but by the end when eddie is deep deep deep in love and it's time to send steve off to woo this lucky girl of his#he offers to let steve take his sweetheart because she's guaranteed to make him look ten times hotter and cooler#and he'll have no trouble sweeping his girl off her feet and maybe eddie's breaking his own heart but it's fine—as long as steve's happy#except steve doesn't seem nearly as happy as eddie thought he would be#he seems sad actually and eddie kind of hates that so he starts to make some lame joke about how steve should be honored#because eddie wouldn't lend his baby out to just anyone and that gets steve to crack half a smile#but then he puts the guitar down on eddie's bed (with all due gentle reverence) walks over takes eddie's face in his hands and kisses him#kisses him like he's been dying to do it for weeks. because he has#because somewhere along the line it stopped being about wanting to impress a girl and started being about wanting to be with eddie#it started being screwing up on purpose so that eddie would grab his hands and show him how it's supposed to be done#and forgetting about lessons entirely and just sitting around and listening to eddie talk or just watching him play#because somewhere along the line steve fell out of infatuation and into love with the last person he ever expected....#anyway idk where i'm going with this
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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Guilt
Sometimes, Peter feels guilty.
He knows he shouldn't, because the skipped lab days with Tony and missed dinners with May, and all the little lies and excuses he's told them to ease their worries, are really for the greater good - a fact he has been told time and time again by his superiors. But no matter how much he tells himself this, he can't stop feeling guilty about all of it.
As he bids May a hasty goodbye, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, that same guilt threatens to crush him once again. He almost wants to stay, to have dinner with his aunt like he had promised he would. But he can't.
He hopes he doesn't have a mission tomorrow night, so he can make it up to her.
He steps into the alley outside his apartment, where two men are waiting for him. They hand him a folder, he skims over the information, and he hands it back. They leave without another word.
He quickly climbs onto the roof and changes into the clothes he brought with him. The mask - the final piece of his uniform - slides over his mouth, and he finds the familiarity comforting. Unlike his Spider-Man mask, which always seems so suffocating, it covers just enough of his face to keep him anonymous. He prefers this mask, and wishes he could use it instead. But he can't, because it isn't Spider-Man's.
The mission is quick, far quicker than most. The file had included the likely locations of the target, and Peter finds the man right away. The target is in an unprotected building. All it takes is one shot from Peter's gun, and the man is dead. No one sees him leave the rooftop he took the shot from, and he makes it home without incident.
He changes back into his civilian clothing, tucking his uniform and weapons back into his bag, and goes into the apartment. May is waiting for him, and he rattles off some story of what he had done, the lies falling easily from his tongue. He tells her nothing of his mission.
He does have dinner with her that night, even though it's late. He has dinner with her the next night, too. He still doesn't feel like it quite makes up for his repeated absences, especially with how strained May's smile always looks.
He tries not to feel guilty about all of the lies and excuses he tells her. It's for the greater good, after all. Everyone he kills in Hydra's name deserves it, and their absence from this world makes the lives of everyone else better. But he knows May won't see it that way; not many people do.
Maybe someday, he can tell her the truth. But for now, he lies.
And despite knowing that what he's doing is what's best for her and everyone he cares about, he feels guilty about it all.
#marvel#hydra peter parker#peter parker#may parker#hydra peter is an obsession#i love aus where he actually believes that hydra is right and killing for them is okay#he doesnt really know any better#idk how peter ended up with may while still being in hydra#or even why hydra is letting him stay with may#i have. a lot of hydra peter aus#most of them are pretty well thought out#this one is not#i just had a desire to write a prompt#i don't think this qualifies as a prompt anymore#but oh well#anyway i always die inside a little when hydra peter just#doesnt really want to kill#like this boi has been trained to kill#by a bunch of insane killers#hes not gonna question that because he was raised with hydra's beliefs#he is going to kill people and be fine with it#and no hate to the fics where he doesnt want to kill and stuff#because i do love those and read them a lot#this is just my personal hc for this au and id like to see it more#hydra peter has so much potential and so many possibilities#id love to see someone differ from the norm with this au more often#idk maybe its just me but i love assassins and morally gray characters#so even when peter sees just how wrong hydra was#hes still not some goody two shoes hero#he isnt afraid to seriously maim and/or kill people
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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Heard about TK wanting to write WW for 100 issues and do a Trinity spinoff?
Yeah.... that's the word on the street 😔
To be honest with everybody though, I don't think he's hitting 100 issues. I think Tom King THINKS he will be writing 100 issues of WW comics, but I'm very skeptical. Like it's true he got pretty close to 100 issues when he was writing Batman, but that was during Rebirth, when comics were being published twice a month. At a normal monthly pace, 100 main title issues works out to be a bit over EIGHT YEARS. Even with specials and annuals and possible events (or the Trinity spinoff) compressing that timeline, there's still no way in my mind that Tom hits 100 issues in any less than five years. He spent three on Batman. You know, Batman, his #1, the guy he has to bring up every issue? Do we really think he's going to spend over twice as long on Diana?
Like personally I'm just not convinced that Tom King cares enough about Wonder Woman to write her for that long. Like I think he likes her, and I think he thinks she's cool, but reading his book he seems to love to put the focus anywhere except on Diana. Like all the narration is done by the villain (meaning we don't get Diana's actual thoughts on any of this) and the backup are all TK's audition to write supersons (so we're losing page space that could be utilized to develop the current narrative in favor of possible future stories with no plot relevance)
Like idk. Tom King is talking the talk and I think he has the power at DC currently to walk the walk if he really wants to do it and his hype squad keeps sales high, but he hasn't convinced me so far with his work that he has it in him to see out so many issues of Wonder Woman, especially when Diana finally defeats the Sovereign, and if Trinity gets her own book, like what is he going to do with his remaining 80 issues? Actually telling WW stories?
It seems to me from what I've read of his WW and interviews abt it is that this "100 issues of Wonder Woman" thing is coming from his opinion that Diana deserves a 100-issue run, rather any great, passionate love for Diana that would actually motivate him to write her for that long.
So anyways, my stance is that if he's really putting in a long one (however long it may be) we just hope for the best, (Diana getting her narration boxes back and being central in her own story again, Trinity getting booted back to Themyscira to be forgotten raised offscreen, etc.) and try to make the most & wait it out
#idk i could talk more abt this but ive already talked a lot so idk#think tom king is really wanting to be pérez here (p sure i read him saying as much in an interview) but instead i predict it ending up as#more of a WML type run (just with much better art)#idk idk. worried that were going to have the Sovereign stuff take forever and ever which is super annoying to me. i literally hate him so#much. not even in a fun way like i want diana to beat the shit out of him and get him out of my comics books permanently like yesterday#also worried that hes going to try and have baby trinity be a part of the narrative. as in a diana raising her type way. like if baby#trinity gets kidnapped and she has to get her back like ok fine but think theres a possibility king hits a wall when it comes to like diana#actually being her mother. bc like diana is one of if not the busiest superhero in the dcu shes got major shit to do and no partner or#stability to actually take care of a baby while still being wonder woman. plus she has an entire island nation that would (and has!) take#that child in in an instant. so like pls go with that and not try and juggle plates and do the former#esp bc having trinity be raised on the island basically cancels out the diana's kid stuff. like not bio related not being raised like thats#just a relative homie#idk#anyways calling it now hes falling short of the hundo. hope im not proven wrong here#or that maybe one day tk wakes up with a miraculous ability to write great wonder woman stories. id be cool with that too. we take good news#here too folks#blah
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you make really good points, I think I used the term karmic wrong sorry. I think of it more as not how I personally think he deserved all that happened to him (which thinking back os exactly what karma means, I messed up sorry), but as his fate being directly tied/parallel to anyas. I handnt noticed the toxicity of jimmy and curlys relationship, from the first playthrough I watched and the first interactions I had w fandom I saw so many ppl just. dismiss the terror Anya went through and focus too much on him as the "ultimate victim" and that just didn't sit well w me. I really dislike seeing ppl go "oh well nothing could've been done" I think it's much more complex than that. also I forgot to mention in the last ask that I really appreciate you bringing the point that this game isn't just about the harm of patriarchy but also very very critical to capitalism, I haven't seen too many ppl touch on this. I hadn't thought too deeply about how it makes "he deserved to become disabled as punishment" come up and I agree that's really messed up. I'll try watching a playthrough again with all of this in mind. but either way thanks! I really appreciate your answer 🫶🏼
I guess this is just part of being in a fandom like this. I've noticed a lot of people don't actually see posts outside of their curated view. So some people only get like anya posting or jimmy or curly and it can make it seem like that is what is saturating the conversation.
I mainly just follow the general tags and look for anything new because I'm like obsessed but I know some are only looking for what they want or believe to be the case and can get weird about other ideas.
Sorry if I came off mean its just a last few of the asks have been like circular conversations like this and its not draining per say but seeing all the nuance and details get overlooked to fit a straightforward and basic narrative really sucks cause there's a lot to explore character and theme wise.
#its like idk i feel like im yapping about the same stuff over and over and over again cause people confuse simple on paper with simple in#execution or like without the human factor like idk sometimes to humanzie Anya people dehumanize the other characters to an extent#which is also part of the systemic problem because by dehumanizing people you take away from the awareness like idk the statements#that curly was the captain and just a guy like have to exist together hes like an okay find decent even good captain just not great#hes not exceptional and i think a lot of people are acting like the game said he is when thats just jimmy like Swansea and Anya see that he#just a guy under everything else hence why they dont feed into the vitriol jimmy tries to serve about him crashing the ship and how they#talk to him pre crash even with anya i feel like people are so focused on trying to see what jimmy doesnt that they are adding intention w#where there isnt not even on like she cant be this scale more so you are treating this like everyone in this game is doing some secret gran#gambit when they are just trying to surviv in really back circumstances like having anya respond to jimmys behaviro through the#fawn effect isnt making her a weak depiction its a real response that can coexist with purposeful action because she is clearly scared of#Jimmy even if she hates and thinks he's incompentent like shes not gonna roll over for him but shes gonna be docile in his presence so he#doesnt create a reason in his head to lash out at her like people simply cannot combine concepts to create the complex responses we see in#the game and idkn why its so hard because not every statement contridicts like Jimmy is a monsterous asshole can exist with how#systematic oppression and social enabling create/allow people like him to do their worse cause at the end of the day he chose to do#everything he did despite other options vs the others trying to figure out the best option for all whether that was the best or not like#he dug his own grave vs the others sorta being lined up in front of theirs and shot like this is more interesting to me than him just being#like idk cartoonishly evil and gross and why cant concepts stakes like fitting aspects together is fun its like the worlds shitties puzzle#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anon#ask#ur fine anon im just insane and get frustrated easily when i think im explaining something bad
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sugurucoded in every sense of the word
#i think he will always be the first one to leave… there’s no version of him in my mind (canon adjacent) where he doesn’t leave first#i just think in times of having chosen other people he decides to choose himself#and that will always result in Leaving . whether it be for his sake or his significant other’s sake#and i think at the same time he will ALWAYS deep down be the one w the most regret even if he says he has none#i think he has a tendency to keep people at a polite distance bc he doesn’t want to get hurt (maybe ties into his family history)#and so he’ll leave before he can get hurt + before he can hurt someone (emotionally)#like he’s fine with being hated (he’s not) but… idk to me at the end of the day he’s a very like . Scared person#again this isn’t technically canon suguru but it’s a facet OF suguru that i find fascinating#it’s funny too because when he chooses himself he dooms himself & others around him#something something i leave because i love you but i lost you#i didn’t end up ordering war of the foxes bc i forgot/missed the sale but i’ll get it during black friday methinks#also it’s been YEARS since i read crush… i need reread it again tomorrow#*need to . it’s nighttime i’m sleepy#personal
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2023 reads
Saint Juniper’s Folly
YA paranormal mystery
follows a foster kid returning to the small town he grew up in, who runs from the judgemental townspeople and ends up magically trapped in a mysterious house in the woods
a boy who lives a boring life in the town until he finds him, and wants to figure out how to save him
and the young witch from the town over who’s heard the woods calling since her mother died, and wants to help
m/m, friendship & investigating a mystery
#Saint Juniper’s Folly#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is….okay#writing is quite young - it feels like middle grade. would be fine bc i like middle grade but it's a bit at odds with the fact that#they’re 18 and talking about college soon and driving round in cars a lot#There’s very little ghosty or spookiness - it’s more just about the characters and their developing relationships#I felt like there were quite a few pivotal scenes missing? Like it skips from the kid being back in this town for the first time#to suddenly he’s stuck in this house in the woods. We don’t see him go out there; realise he’s stuck; or anything.#(unless libby skipped a chapter in my audiobook again?)#It also felt like it skipped any of them like testing the supernatural stuff? They go straight to researching the house’s history.#Once the end is revealed it makes sense I guess - but it’s like the because the author forgot to make the characters (who Don’t know)#do the first logical things you might do in a situation like that. idk.#the boys hating each other at the start felt manufactured for some hate to love thing instead of for any reason.....I didn't buy it#Also my pet peeve of: having a character call her dad by his first name! …….but it's an indication of their bad relationship. okay then.#(I know that is also a real experience but MAN sometimes people just do that it's not always a sign of emotional neglect!!!!)#Anyway - I didn’t hate it by any means; there’s just a few little things that didn't work for me
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now bc of that one post abt zelda getting fridged whenever that one guy directs a zelda game im thinking abt tetra just getting turned to stone in ph and like. what would it have been like if she were an actual character in ph. what would she have done how would this have changed the story
#not gonna do a whole lot of tagging im just musing. if you wanna rb or reply with ideas thats great#im not the person to figure this out bc i dont actually care much abt tetra#not like oh i hate her but like. i only played ph and what i see of her beyond that has not endeared me to her#shes fine i just dont get it. ig cuz i didnt play ww but eh#cuz like. ok. pretty much the majority of phs plot relies on tetra having been turned to stone and fixing that#and me being the autistic little freak i am the psrt that also makes it hard for me to wonder what could happen if#tetra werent stone and that making the game better is like. ok what about linebeck and his arc#listen his arc is so fucking good and hes great and i dont think his arc would have been so good if link wasnt the character he was put wit#cuz link is a great foil and despite having minimal characterization has just the right personality to nudge linebeck along#cuz hes def part of what inspires some of that change in linebeck so idk what might have happened#if tetra was an active player interacting with him in ph too. cuz like idk most of the time when i see people#do stuff where they interact its usually tetra one upping linebeck or whatever and thars like. ok thats whar ciela does#maybe im reading into it too much and focusing on linebeck. idk how you couldve done and changed#the plot of ph to include tetra without just straight up rewriting the whole thing or putting link away#bc look me in the eyes. i do not think linebeck would have developed the way he did without having met link specifically#salty talks#idk i feel like linebecks arc is the best bit of story in ph so i want that to remain more or less intact bc thats where a lot of#the emotional stuff comes in at the end. his dialogue in the ghost ship battle and the final boss. its important#i dont think about tetra much cant you tell. so id leave this to someone who actually cares abt her as a character
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well i finished renegade. i sure was renegading all over the place
#it was alriiiight.... but man i hate to say it but i think i have more complaints than praises#i DID like florins new execution route and i liked talons deal. the entire end of night spell deal was horrifying and i loved it#i love that genre of horror like ''you die twice when you get forgotten after death''#so seeing it play out here was horrifying in a good way. talon and amber's deaths were both so fucking good like goddamn#they were just as heartbreaking as they needed to be. especially ambers like when you go talk to tesla after#but. man i dont think meta games are for me cause ngl i was sorta just like ''aight.'' to most of the meta here#like that was the one thing about talon i didnt care for. i thought ''everyone i know and love is going to die and god is screaming at me''#was a fine enough motivation to go crazy and become a rift. i thought it was compelling and tragic and a good thing to do#with a new character. but then he started going ''in older versions of the game i wasnt even there i was just a prop for the backstory''#and thats sorta when i started tuning out. like i cant explain why but i feel it made the scene more... cheap?#i think just cause personally ive seen that motivation a lot in meta games before and its gotten old to me#tbh the entire meta angle is whats really dragging this down to me. dont get me wrong i love eizen and his scenes#but i dont see why we have to canonize the game's update cycles as like a critical part of the world#and then theres m2 who i have mixed feelings on. cause i love the character type of ''ive been through so much shit idc anymore''#and they end up being kinda goofy and saying inappropriate/out of pocket things while trying not to discuss The Horrors#ive written more than one of those types of characters. but with m2 its like she doesnt know how to turn that off#like spacea and tiempa's deaths being a tera raid parody where they joke about being in a crashing plane and get bashed by extra melias#it just felt like. unfitting. (also a nitpick but goddamn that scene made my head hurt with how much the screen wobbled)#like really? this is the sendoff they get in the fucked up and evil route? and idk i just dont think m2 was all that funny.#she was more grating than anything tbh. and i just feel like her existence and the bad timeline is just Too Much#like there were already so many plotlines and arcs and do we Really need a new-ish character right before the climax#idk. im hoping v14 is more cohesive in this department#for now im taking a much needed break from this game lol
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first day of work and :( my feet hurt :(
#can't draw any conclusions on that yet tho#for one bc i have determined that the shoes i wore today do Not have enough traction in this environment#so i gotta pull out the shoes i got while working at prev grocery#which... i feel like are actually harder on my feet even tho i have good insoles in them#but it's. really hard shopping online for a better fit so.#i'm gonna wear those this week and then decide if i should ask dad to loan me money for a (hopefully) better pair#anyway! first day of work was. well. okay.#i am starting off training in dish pit and i don't. like. hate it. but.#if dish pit ends up being my favorite assignment then i am gonna have to fuckin quit#unless dish pit grows on me but i am. not optimistic on that point.#whatever. i'm holding out at least through training.#...getting home was less fine.#first off was waiting Half An Hour for bus at stop without a bench :/#there's another stop nearby and i might head to that one tomorrow instead to see if it does have a bench but. i doubt it.#...and then a dude followed me off the bus and halfway home.#and he was def following me bc halfway is the point where i stopped and turned around and asked him and he said yeah#and then he backed off and turned around so like. at least there's that.#but like. pls fuck i need this to not be a regular fixture of my commute#and it happening on my First Day makes it 100% occurence rate atm and that is making me real anxious#yeah sorry to spring that on you in tag ramble idk what cw would be appropriate#and also idk how to zoom it to top of taga anymore so#storm's posts#personal#you can ignore this
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anyway i think claw and hoarder could have been really good if they had rick literally fuck the dragon
#random thoughts#guess what motherfuckers it's blue man time#i hate when they use like. actual magic#i dont think there should be magic#fuck the devil fuck wizards fuck dragons. the vampires are fine because it's funny#like literally there is no reason for morty to want a dragon#have him like. save the life of an alien dragon creature who is then honor-bound to be his faithful servant until he saves HIS life#but in the meantime the dragon is kind of pissy about it#and summer's like 'you have a slave. gross.' and morty's like 'no he's not!!!'#and it's like. a dragon culture thing. and if the dragon doesn't serve morty then he'll be cast out from his home#so it's KIND OF slavery. and it's running parallel to a summer side story#where beth and jerry are like 'if you're gonna live under our roof you'll have to live by our rules' and she's like#'well maybe i don't WANT to live under your roof anymore!!!'#anyway so the dragon follows morty around everywhere trying to save his life#which ends in your classic 'i fake being in danger so you save my life and leave me alone' trope#which ends in rick saving him from that because rick thinks it's funny he's so inconvenienced by the giant dragon following him around#and the dragon's mad and he and rick end up drinking together and the dragon confides in him and rick's like#'dude family is NOT that important' or something else nihilistic#anyway they end up sleeping together which breaks the dragon code cuz they're supposed to abstain from all pleasure during their time#or whatever. and that's how rick indirectly kept morty from having a weird dragon stalker!!! the end#idk it's rough. im watching claw and hoarder rn and im fucking mad#the fake out save ends with rick going 'what's wrong morty ]:-) i saved your life'#and morty's like 'YOU KNEW THAT WAS A FAKEOUT TO GET THE DRAGON TO LEAVE ME ALONE' and the dragon's like :(
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went on my date last night
#it was fine—i enchanted him#but while i don’t feel negatively about him i don’t feel excited either#should i? i don’t remember how i used to feel on dates#i think i probably should feel excited but i also used to fuck on the first date and so idk what that changes#but i’m not jonesing for him to take off his clothes#HOW do i stop being attracted to T??? i find every part of him delicious#i’d suck the skin off his wrist like a fucking chicken wing#his hands could make me commit real crimes#i could blog about his ankles like he’s louis tomlinson and i’m 16 again#not only would i suck his b*lls but i WANT TO and i HATE BALLS#i’m just not sure how i’m supposed to voluntarily say no to having sex with someone i feel this way about#it’s like if harry styles propositioned me and i said no#and on paper i should be attracted to this new guy#he’s 6’4 and has dark hair and big brown eyes and a mustache#but i don’t feel it at all#i’m not getting sex appeal from him#but i feel hypocritical wanting that bc i don’t think im sexy at all#i think people finding my sexy is like a freak accident and shows bad taste#lmao okay i’m gonna end this post here there’s a lot to unpack#i’ll go out with this guy again (it was a second date) bc i think i need him to kiss me sober to be sure#i was Quite Drunk last night and so had lots of fun but i think it was me
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i will not let one bitchy resident ruin my good day . affirmations
#i have a few ninregular rooms bc brenda is. idek what the fuck shes doing the the new girl. shes STILL in training and its been over a week#usually we get 3 days. daj got one.. like#and shes still taking like. an hour and a half for studio rooms... idk#it sucks bc shes getting some of my favorites likee. she got 258 which is one of my favorite rooms bc hes so sweet and i just know shes#gonna do a bad job and im like :( bc hes such a nive guy and he doesnt deserve to have his room halfassed#the other day she did her rooms super fast like 30 minutes per room#so then brenda went to check at the end of the day and. dude. it was like she hadnt been in there#one of the toilets was Caked in piss like. she didnt touch it at all.#theres a bit of a language barrier bc shes from the ivory coast so some things im like. yk i understand it might get lost in translation a#bit for sure but like. brenda writes everything down bc nee and dee are from thailand english isnt theur first language either. and brenda#is rly understanding of the language difference thats why she writes everything down so its easier to understand etc.#and ik this girl knows the steps to cleanjng the room bc. multiple people trained her. ik she knows how to clean the toilet#idk. its frustrating basically. bc i keep getting pushed to new rooms im not familisr with which slows me down bc i dont know them#and then this one was just. rly rude like cussing me out saying Youre way early like half an hour#like. im trying to fucking stay caught uppp whatever. i hate rooms that bitch at you for being early#i get it if u like have a routine thats fine but why . be a bitch abt it. you can judt say like Oh im not quite ready for you to come in#yet sorry! and ill be like oh no problem! ill come back in a bit and thats fine. but rhis guy was like Fucking christ swearing while he#walked to the door and opened it and went Youre a goddamn half hour early come back at my actual time. and i was like oh s and he judt shut#the door in my face. like. ugh
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