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444tsumu · 4 years ago

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HAPPY 100 MARS!!!/&/&: AHHH! okay so i’d love a tier three if you didn’t mind! i wanted to know which 3 characters would smoke ouid and what you think smoking with them would be like? ily tysm!

▭ WHICH CHARACTERS SMOKE WEED?

includes matsukawa, hanamaki, suna

warnings drug use, explicit content, doing things under the influence, implied sexual content, slight nsfw.

authors note lol ik some people don’t like the whole “w*ed” and dr*g use hc but it’s all fiction and based on my own personal opinion (: i don’t mean to offend anyone lol i smoke too <3

This is a long one, beware <3 also it’s also my dream blunt rotation LMAO

𖥻 MATSUKAWA, ISSEI !

definitely the philosophical stoner

always has a question or an answer

depends on how much he’s smoked though

eyes get really red and he looks really hot

prefers backwoods over regular papers

always smoked regular papers though bc woods are bad for you (:

does that thing where they lick the paper and look at you at the same time

the hottest man smoking ever god please

always makes sure to have you sitting on his left so that he passes it to you first

loves smoking people out

doesn’t really care if you put in money or not

if issei is around, everyone is getting high

smokes makki’s unemployed ass out like everyday lmao

loves to hotbox

lights you up for the first time and tries to get you into another galaxy

“if you’re gonna get high, at least do it right”

definitely funny as fuck when he’s high

always definitely ready to fuck

very touchy when he’s high

will hold on to you for a long time and forget he’s doing it

but if you make him let go he genuinely feels the skin contact nearly rip off

calm down mattsun your possessiveness is showing

tries to explain all the different types to you but forgets mid sentence

literally cannot formulate a single structured thought

definitely leans in to make out with you more than once

loves shotgunning with you

already lazy but when he’s zooted he’s UNBEARABLE

he really does wanna fuck but ends up smoking too much with you because you played chicago and forgot

doesn’t really get hungry for food but munchies?

ate all of the snacks

has no remorse for his actions either

stares into the deep nothing for like 10 minutes

just to snap out of it and look around suspiciously

“do you guys hear that….?”

“…..no?”

“………..the paint is screaming at me?”

ok buddy don’t ruin this for everyone else

knows how to french & ghost inhale

has argued with makki many times over the earth being flat

doesn’t really think it’s flat

ends up believing it is after makki told him the world was actually dome shaped

has a grinder shaped like a dragon ball

not a peer pressuring kinda guy but thinks everyone should get high at least once

definitely gets iwa and oikawa to try

loves getting oikawa high cause he thinks the guy is fucking hilarious

laughs at everything

just a great guy, especially when he starts smoking

falls into a weed coma and doesn’t wake up for like 3 days though

treats it like it’s a regular hangover

definitely falls asleep with his entire body on top of you and no remorse for the weight

says “i’m fried” and isn’t embarrassed about it for whatever reason

he’s hot so no one judges him

𖥻 HANAMAKI, TAKAHIRO !

definitely a comedian when he’s high

always the funniest guy in the room

when him and mattsun are together though?

undefeated

him and issei both smoked for the first time together

after that though?

they became unstoppable

don’t get me started with after volleyball season ended

prefers bongs because he thinks he looks cooler lmao

everyone assumes makki is high but they don’t know he actually gets high

offers to smoke you out cause you’re hot lmao

makes fun of you when you cough

even though he still coughs

hates hotboxing because he can’t handle it

but refuses to pussy out so he’s always the first one to agree

in his own words

“my mother didn’t raise no bitch”

makki please

ideal smoking partner

is one of those people that fuck the passing rotation up because he refuses to pass it to anyone but you

secretly does it because he doesn’t want anyone else’s lips touching yours

prefers to smoke with just his close friends but doesn’t mind a session

doesn’t like shotgunning cause he starts thinking his breath smells bad

gives in anyways because he doesn’t want you doing it with anyone else

loves when you put your legs on him

the pressure gives him chills

makes jokes 24/7 because he likes hearing you laugh

can’t french inhale but mattsun taught him how to ghost inhale and he hasn’t stopped since

takes videos of himself cause he thinks he looks cool

realizes he looks like a fucking idiot but fuck it we ball

falls into a weed coma with his head on your lap and his phone unlocked and still on

does that thing where he lights it up with it in his mouth and looks really fucking hot while doing so

has a breaking bad rick & morty rolling tray and is really proud of it

gets really into music when he’s high

will sing along to all the songs while he’s packing the bong

as i repeat

looks hot while doing so

definitely a hungry high

orders food before you even get to ask

“makki, want some snacks?”

“oh nah it’s cool, i already ordered mcdonald’s”

“????? we just finished smoking????”

prefers smoking over drinking but will do both when he wants to go big or go home

eyes get really low

talks kinda slow but really deep and it’s fucking hot

laughs by throwing his head back and it’s really cute

gets cold when he’s high

it doesn’t matter the season

he gets fucking cold and it makes no sense

so he’ll need your body heat to warm himself up (;

𖥻 SUNA, RINTAROU !

a confused high

no doubt about it

this man never knows what the fuck is going on

ik everyone complains about the stoner!suna hc

but i think it’s fucking hot lmao

always has like 2 blunts rolled and on him at all times

is one of those people that will use any excuse to do it

“……(sighs) i’m gonna go take a smoke break.”

“suna we just got here??”

“exactly”

likes joints and edibles the best

not much of a hungry high or munchie high

but he hyperfixates on a certain food and will eat it until there is nothing left

ate an entire pack of gum in one sitting before

definitely watches cartoons the minute he starts to feel the buzz

rarely talks unless to pass it to you or make a single joke that has you about to pee yourself

he doesn’t say much but when he does?

the man leaves an impact

hates smoking with other people

doesn’t like when they fuck his blunt/joint up

hates smoking joints rolled by other people unless he watches them do it

always complains when you ask to smoke with him but secretly loves it

shotguns with you and acts like nothing just happened

hello sir how dare you make me fall inlove like that

forgets everything so don’t try to say anything important to him

zones out because he’s too busy imagining fucking

but then forgets about fucking and starts thinking about what��s on the tv

can’t hold a conversation but will go in-depth as to why spongebob squarepants was more than just a sponge

“no you need to listen to me, patrick star is much more than just his best friend—”

“….rin what the fuck are you talking about?”

“you’re asking me like i know? pass the blunt.”

definitely got into smoking in high school but didn’t actually do it like that until college

lies on his drug tests lmao

smokes after every win as a celebration and smokes after ever loss as a reliever

lmao seek help sir

definitely tries to get you to take your shirt off when he’s in the moment

swears it’s because he’s doing you a favor but really just loves how you look in his clothes when he’s high

doesn’t really know when to stop because he’s never greened out before

all his supplies is a simple shade of black

he’s a simple man

can do all the smoke tricks

but won’t do it in front of anyone cause he hates when people point it out

likes hotboxing because it gets him higher faster

is actually friends with the guy he gets weed from lmao

his perfect date with you was that one time you guys stood home and did nothing but smoke and watch family guy

tears up every time he thinks about it

has a picture of himself with two blunts in his mouth and his eyes really red and it’s really fucking hot

giggles even though he tries not to

uses pens when he can’t physically have weed on him

doesn’t really like it because the pen high makes him knock out after a few pulls

once rin falls into a weed coma???

don’t even think about trying to contact him cause that man might as well be dead

doesn’t wake up to save his own damn life

you can smack him and the most he’d do is probably groan and turn his head lmao

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mortispoxi · 4 years ago

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BBC America’s The Watch Episode Five Review: Not on My Watch

Episode Review list: one, two, three, four, six, seven, eight

Howdy y’all. My name is Mortis and I’m once again here to tell you about by thoughts and opinions of BBC America’s The Watch episode five: Not on My Watch. You all know the drill; I have nicknames for The Watch characters to differentiate their book counterpart’s yadda yadda. This week I will be changing Good Boy Carrot (Carrot Ironfounderson) to Baby Carrot because, let’s face it, he’s essentially treated like the runt of the litter in this episode. But of course, before we begin, let’s hear a word from the reporters of River Watch!

Reporting live it’s River Watch!

News Anchor: Good evening and welcome to River Watch! A weekly update on whether BBC America’s The Watch included Ankh-Morpork’s most iconic landmark, the River Ankh, in its most recent episode. Live on the scene is our field reporter Mortis Poxi. How’s it looking Mortis?

Me standing in the middle of the expansive desert outside the city gates: No river, only sand!

News Anchor: Ankh-Morpork is surrounded by a desert? Like a literal-

Me: A literal desert, yes.

News Anchor: Ah…Thank you Mortis. Don’t know how well finding out there’s no large bodies of water near the city bodes for this segment but we’ll keep you updated. Now back to your regularly scheduled review.

(Spoilers ahead for episode five Not on My Watch)

Episode Recap:

I really need to stop saying this show can’t get any weirder each review because I get shocked into speechlessness every single week from what I see. This episode is absolutely bizarre. I know this word no longer has the same meaning because I use it so often in these posts but that’s the only way I can describe episode five. So be prepared to be just as shocked as I was as I recount the episode.

Now then, the episode opens with Raccoon Vimes (Samuel Vimes) asleep in a moving pictures theater before being suddenly poked awake by Lady Throat (CMOT Dibbler) who, for some reason, isn’t mad about him and Supermodel Sybil (Lady Sybil Ramkin) locking her in a crate and disabling her wheelchair in the first episode which is SUPER FUCKED UP, I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO TELL YOU WHY. She comments how she thought he had died and wanted to use his corpse as a party clown which isn’t far off from Raccoon Vimes’s normal job description. We then see Hippie Gandalf (Archchancellor no name of Unseen University) appear on the moving pictures screen telling the audience that if they would like work, they can get a job dumping toxic waste in the Unreal Estates for the university. This gives Raccoon Vimes the idea to destroy Wayne, formally known as Gawain’s Sword, by throwing it into the lake that lies within the Unreal Estates. It is explained a bit later on but to save time, his plan is to destroy the sword so that no one can use it and hope that things go back to normal after that.

We then switch scenes and come back to the ragtag group of clusterfucks known as the watch who are interrogating Wayne the talking sword. They want to know where the rest of the artifacts are so that the sword can be at its full power when they control/stop the dragon. However, Wayne is annoying as FUCK and talks about literally anything but the artifacts. Eventually, Tall Cheery (Cheery Littlebottom) gets Wayne to talk by jerking it off-I MEAN-cleaning the rust off it which gets Wayne to mention that one of the artifacts if they can remember correctly could be found in the dark. This triggers a brief flashback memory for Tall Cheery because in episode one she mentioned how she is afraid of the dark but in this episode it’s still not fully explained why. At the end of the episode, she does say that she knows what the sword could be referring to, but she doesn’t like what they have to do. For right now she’s a little on edge by what Wayne said.

Anyway, Raccoon Vimes comes back and tells them all to stop the interrogation since he has plans to waddle his way outside the city gates to dissolve the sword. He makes the excuse that Lady Vetinari (Lord Havelock Vetinari) told him to do it, but no one is buying this. Baby Carrot (Carrot Ironfounderson) tells him that because Wayne has sentience, they can’t just execute him like Raccoon Vimes wants (which is reminiscent of Carrot’s speech in Feet of Clay about golems). Raccoon Vimes then points to graffiti of a clenched fist left on the walls of the watch house saying that it’s against some law and that it violates the sanctity of the watch house. Supermodel Sybil then goes on a diatribe about how the graffiti is not an insult but a sign of resistance because the people of Ankh-Morpork are beginning to believe that the watch can make things better. I will talk about this more in the review section of this post, but for now I’m moving on. Raccoon Vimes says his goodbyes to everyone because he thinks he isn’t coming back, but before he leaves, he puts Paw Patrol Angua (Angua von Uberwald) in charge. As he stumbles away, Paw Patrol Angua says out loud, “What is wrong with him?” which caused me to shout, “because Simon Allen used himself as a basis for this character’s intelligence? I don’t fucking know! But I swear to fuck I can hear the marble that is Raccoon Vimes’s brain rattling around in his fucking skull every step he takes!” Realizing this idiot needs adult supervision, acting Captain Paw Patrol Angua tells Supermodel Sybil and Tall Cheery to follow behind Raccoon Vimes and convince him to abandon the plan because it’s stupid.

Next, we see the head of the Thieves Guild, Virgin (Urdo van Pew), talking to his top guys about breaking into the watch house and stealing back Wayne for Gang Leader Carcer (Carcer Dun) and Wizard Wonse (Lupine Wonse) who asked him to do it in the previous episode. One of the members looks exactly like how Angua is illustrated which made me realize that the designers of the show were just fucking lazy. Anyway, GL Carcer makes a mini speech about what is power:

“What is power? Fear. Fear makes people remember you. Respect you. Accept the unthinkable. You control what people fear…You control them.”

Which convinces everyone to help and they set off to get the sword.

It then cuts back to this dramatic scene of Raccoon Vimes walking alone in the desert (yes desert because apparently in this iteration Ankh-Morpork is surrounded by a desert) before he trips and falls down a sand dune. By this point, Supermodel Sybil and Tall Cheery have caught up to him and see him eat sand and are probably thinking, “yup that’s our fearless leader, better go help him…in a few minutes…gods that’s a lot of sand in his mouth…” Sybil then points to a noose that is hanging off the entryway of the Unreal Estates like she’s goddamn Dora the Explorer (Supermodel Sybil: Do you see the noose? Where!?) and they all follow her over to the entrance that has dismembered skeletons scattered all over the place. The prop corpse from episode four, which I have dubbed Skulbrand, makes a guest appearance and is now my favorite because they are the least annoying character and has done more for the series laying down than the entire cast and crew. You keep this up Skulbrand, the Emmy is in the bag! Haha, I’m slowly going insane from subjecting myself to this shit… Anyway, while looking at all the corpses littering the ground, Tall Cheery and Supermodel Sybil ponder what these people possibly saw that made them want to kill themselves by violently ripping themselves apart. But, of course, Raccoon Vimes doesn’t take any of this seriously and is like, “it’s perfectly safe, let’s go.” Unfortunately, it was not perfectly safe, and they should not have listened to him.

I’m going to rearrange some scenes because there’s so many jump cuts in this episode. So, jumping back to the watch house, Baby Carrot and Paw Patrol Angua are hanging out when Baby Carrot starts talking about how Wayne has sentience, how the watch needs to become better, and how they are no better than killers for sentencing Wayne to be destroyed. Did I ever mention that Paw Patrol Angua looks like she never cleans herself? Yeah, she’s just constantly covered in a thin layer of grime that I’m almost convinced is just from her smearing her eye makeup all over her face. Anyway, after messing around with the magic treadmill that lands in front of them (I’ll explain in the next paragraph), they get a clacks from a couple who are upset that the Thieves Guild whom they scheduled a robbery with did not show up to the appointment. They call down the watch to investigate because it throws off everything in their lives if they never know when they’re going to be robbed. Baby Carrot, of course, doesn’t understand why these people could be so upset about not getting mugged and suggests moving someplace else. The couple explain to him that it’s just the way the world works and that they expect to be given what they paid for in compliance to Guild rules. This whole thing is just a distraction to get them out of the watch house so the hired thieves can fetch back Wayne.

When we see the goon squad again, Tall Cheery has taken Wayne from Raccoon Vimes and is quietly asking the sword what it means about the next artifact being in the dark. Of course, Wayne continues to be an ass and doesn’t answer her. Supermodel Sybil, who is suspicious of Tall Cheery whispering to herself, asks why she is having a private conversation with the sword. Tall Cheery quickly makes the excuse that she wasn’t talking about anything and keeps walking (there’s a lot of walking in this episode). They are now all becoming suspicious of one another’s intentions with Wayne, which starts a whole hot potato pass around of the sword that lasts the entire episode. This is where things really start to go off the rails. As they walk, they stumble across a floating, semi-functional treadmill (see I told you I’d explain later) which, when they get close to it, disappears and reappears in the watch house much to Baby Carrot and Paw Patrol Angua’s confusion. Turns out, all the discarded objects floating around in the Unreal Estates, which the Archchancellor stole from Roundworld, are covered in thaumic energy. If a person gets close to them, then the object gets displaced back to the person’s home/starting location which is how multiple magical objects end back up in the watch house. Tall Cheery just knows this information by the way. Pretty sure only wizards in the books really knew about thaumic energy because they had devices to measure just how much magic could be found in a certain area. Tall Cheery really did turn into this series catch all for characters the show producers did not want to include. So far, she’s taken the job descriptions of Igor and Ponder Stibbons, passing off these characters respective skills as her own, but I digress.

Speaking of the hired thieves that I wasn’t talking about until just now, they make it to the empty watch house! They all pile in except for Wizard Wonse who stares curiously at one of the Unreal Estate devices that randomly showed up in front of the watch house. Before she could get any closer though, the whole thing blows up and shoots flames into her face. She’s not hurt of course but this clues them in to Wayne’s location. Speed up in time a bit, the hired thieves return to the club where Virgin and GL Carcer are talking about how GL Carcer’s father was banned from joining any Guild and had to steal to survive. GL Carcer doesn’t see the sword and is like “what the fuck?” but Wizard Wonse tells him that because magic dryers and treadmills are showing up around the watch house, they’re obviously headed towards the Unreal Estates to dissolve Wayne. They all start to get up to go after Raccoon Vimes and his crew when Virgin interjects saying that he also gets a say in what they should do as the leader. GL Carcer is not having this, in fact, he goes on to explain that his father was killed by the Thieves’ Guild which means he still has a grudge against thieves and Virgin doesn’t have a choice in the matter because he’s going to help them anyway. He proceeds to beat the god given shit out of Virgin so that he can’t fight back when they hook up a device to his head that will transfer all thaumic radiation poisoning GL Carcer and the gang will come into contact with directly to Virgin.

We cut back to Supermodel Sybil walking behind the others until she feels choke wire wrap around her throat and a girl ordering her to give up her necklace. Of course, Supermodel Sybil fights back and manages to wrangle this girl to the floor but stops when she recognizes them as Lydia, the star pupil of her rehabilitation program. Lydia angrily explains to Supermodel Sybil that her actions effectively destroyed her life and any chances of her being able to live in a Guild centric society. Not only was she kidnapped by Supermodel Sybil from her original family, but when Lydia tried to return to them, she was shunned and left an orphan because she had gone through Supermodel Sybil’s rehabilitation program. Lydia then attacks Supermodel Sybil by going for the throat again while her guard is down. Supermodel Sybil lets out a bloodcurdling scream, prompting Tall Cheery and Raccoon Vimes to quickly rush over to her while she attempts to choke herself to death. Turns out, prolonged exposure to thaumic radiation makes people hallucinate their darkest memories/regrets which causes them to attack themselves if not stopped. Luckily, Tall Cheery brought Klatchian coffee, for some reason, and after forcing her to take a sip, Supermodel Sybil snaps out of her violent daydream. Concerned for her safety, Raccoon Vimes tells her to go back because he literally just watched her nearly succeed in killing herself, but she stands defiant and tells him that she’ll carry Wayne which he of course rejects. These violent, seizure-like hallucination sequences are only the start and gets progressively worse from here on out.

So, Paw Patrol Angua and Baby Carrot return to the watch house only to find that the door is ajar, prompting them to take out their weapons and assume the defense position. Only when they get inside do they find the room a mess and Lady Vetinari standing by the front desk. She asks about the whereabouts of Wayne the talking sword and they awkwardly lie to her that they took the sword for a walk and Raccoon Vimes will be back soon. Before she leaves with her oddly dressed entourage, she tells them to clean up and have Raccoon Vimes give her a progress report the moment he returns. Baby Carrot and Paw Patrol Angua quickly realize that Lady Vetinari couldn’t have made such a large mess of the place and immediately make a beeline to their one lone prisoner in the jail cells to get some answers. They find Accountant Skimmer (Inigo Skimmer) trying to escape via tunnel he had been digging with his spoon Baby Carrot gave him last episode. After pulling him out and threatening to shank him with his own spoon if he didn’t talk, Accountant Skimmer informs them that it was the Thieves’ Guild who broke in. As thanks, they take away his spoon and give him the faulty treadmill so they don’t have to walk him three times a day. They know now that GL Carcer made a deal with the Thieves Guild to get back the sword so now, they too have to run after their friends or face Lady Vetinari’s wrath for disobeying her orders. But first, they need to figure out where they were heading so they wander into a random dive bar to interrogate some of the off-duty thieves drinking there. Baby Carrot isn’t doing so hot with the guy he’s talking to until Paw Patrol Angua comes out of nowhere having beat the piss out of some other dude which convinces the first thief to tell them that they heard GL Carcer and his gang are headed out to the lake in the Unreal Estates.

Switching perspectives again, Raccoon Vimes has collapsed and is in the midst of a violent seizure-like dream where he is chasing after a child version of himself and GL Carcer. At one point he starts talking to Bitchy Death (Death) who is speaking through the same white dog from episode one about Raccoon Vimes needing to stop watching and start believing…oh, and not throwing away the sword. The Klatchian coffee that Tall Cheery keeps feeding him is no longer working since standing in multiple thaumic fields like they are currently doing is thoroughly fucking up their psyche’s. Despite both of them needing her help, Supermodel Sybil gives up on Raccoon Vimes and starts to walk away with the sword back to civilization. She believes that if Wayne is in her “capable” hands, she can control the dragon and make the change she so desperately wants. Just for clarification, she too is hallucinating the voice of Lydia in her head who is telling her that nothing works, and she can’t change people. Her being psyched out on magical radiation absolutely does not excuse the fact that she was about to abandon her friends to fulfill her own selfish desires…again. So, Supermodel Sybil starts to leave with the sword, and because Tall Cheery refuses to abandon her friend, she tries dragging the raccoon out of the danger zone but ultimately succumbs to the thaumic poisoning herself. She dreams of opening a box left on a table and putting on a false beard which rapidly begins to grow around her face, choking her. She too starts to scream bloody murder, causing Supermodel Sybil to snap out of whatever power fantasy she was having and runs back to help her. Tall Cheery’s violent thrashing throws Supermodel Sybil off her so she says fuck it and decides to pull Raccoon Vimes out of the thaumic fields instead, waking him from his temporary coma. And since they both had some sense slapped back into them, Supermodel Sybil and Raccoon Vimes grab Tall Cheery and wake her from her nightmare. Immediately, Tall Cheery goes on the defensive and tells the raccoon that Supermodel Sybil tried taking the sword for herself. She tries to defend herself saying that a person needs power for change to happen to which Raccoon Vimes retorts, “anybody who wants power that bad shouldn’t have it.” It’s now extremely tense between all of them, but they continue to walk on to the lake.

By this point, GL Carcer and his gang are quickly gaining on Raccoon Vimes and co but Paw Patrol Angua and Baby Carrot aren’t far behind either. However, they came unprepared to face the horrors of a mental mind fuck which gets to Paw Patrol Angua before she could shoot down GL Carcer. Her dream takes her back to a childhood memory of the time her grandmother tricked her into going into a forest and shackling her foot to a cement block in the ground. She begged her grandmother to release her, but the grandmother leaves and doesn’t return. It then cuts to nighttime where she is found by her childhood best friend, who was sent out to find PP Angua by her mother and grandmother, only for the moon to appear causing Paw Patrol Angua to transform and devour her friend alive. The next morning, she is found by her mother and grandmother who congratulate her and inform her that werewolves don’t make friends with humans and that this was a valuable lesson she needed to learn. Paw Patrol Angua is understandably screaming and sobbing after having to relive a trauma she was desperately trying to repress. And despite not ever seeing this memory/understanding the context, Baby Carrot leans down and tells her that they’re practically in the same boat because neither of them are technically fully human. It all boils down to him saying that he’s never going to run away from her because they’re in a new pack. This is supposed to be comforting for her, but if I was in PP Angua’s shoes I would’ve been like, “Oh, I’m sorry, were you forced to murder your childhood best friend to teach you a lesson? No? Then shut the fuck up!” Baby Carrot is also the only person out of all the watch members to not get affected by the thaumic fields. This bitch really thinks he can make Paw Patrol Angua feel better despite being the only one to not relive his past traumas in a radioactive waste dump. Fuck outta here with you “wE’rE tHe SaMe” bullshit! They should rename this episode Reliving Past Traumas in the Radioactive Waste Dump…

When they arrive at the lake, there is a point of contention about destroying the sword, but Raccoon Vimes has made up his mind and chucks it as far as he can into the water…only for a giant CGI hand to burst out of the water and catch it. Turns out, it’s a lady of the lake and she’s this episodes deus ex machina to get the raccoon to keep the sword! She flicks Wayne right back at him and it lands directly into Raccoon Vimes’s foot. This isn’t like between a toe or something, it is like solidly stuck into his foot. Dude either has his toe hanging on by a few strings of meat or Raccoon Vimes just straight up doesn’t have a big toe anymore. Either way, the lady of the lake allows them to ask direct questions if they have any before they leave. Supermodel Sybil asks if they should keep the sword, which the giant hand answers yes. Next, Raccoon Vimes hobbles forward asking what is going to happen to everyone if he doesn’t go through with finding the rest of the artifacts…which is a super broad question but ok. The lady of the lake makes a jerk off motion and then clenches its fist just like in the graffiti to say they need to resist. Then GL Carcer shows up finally along with Paw Patrol Angua and Baby Carrot following not far behind. GL Carcer gets the sword but because of the added distraction from Baby Carrot firing arrows at them, Raccoon Vimes and co wiggle free from their clutches and they all pile into an abandoned car (yes, an actual car) which promptly disappears and reappears in front of the watch house.

Upon their arrival back, the fashion police show up to drag Raccoon Vimes back to Lady Vetinari’s place. However, as Raccoon Vimes is discussing with Lady Vetinari to promote Paw Patrol Angua as official captain, the merry band of morons show up unexpectedly (which I’m sure left Lady Vetinari wondering who was working security because a bunch of scruffy children just wandered into her domain). Basically, they burst in and are like, “‘Ohana means family bitch so if he’s hung, so are we!” and they all stand there defiantly against the patrician. Lady Vetinari and Supermodel Sybil have a brief showdown where the patrician reminds her that her sudden death wouldn’t be notice to which Supermodel Sybil responds, “you can’t kill me because I’m among the few people willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of this bitchass city!” I’m paraphrasing by the way. But of course, Lady Vetinari turns Supermodel Sybil’s proclamation against them by informing Raccoon Vimes that he and his men are to sacrifice themselves by arresting the head of the Thieves Guild and anyone who aided GL Carcer which is practically a declaration of war. The episode ends as the watch gets ready to do a raid on the Thieves Guild and Supermodel Sybil confronts Tall Cheery about knowing that the next artifact can be found in “the dark in the dark.” I didn’t mistakenly write that twice, that’s actually how they said it.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE WOULD DO THIS!? HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO DISCWORLD!!?? WHO WROTE THIS SHIT!!!???

Episode Thoughts/Review:

I was honestly hoping that at some point in the series, that the show would pick up momentum and start to become more linear with its storytelling, but the complete opposite happens. We are now more than halfway through the series and the writers are still trying to throw as much garbage in your face to make their bland story more compelling. If you removed all the shit they throw at you (i.e. references, flashbacks, constant backtracking) the story would be so basic you wouldn’t be able to convince anyone to watch the show just by how boring it sounds. At this point, they’re trying to keep their audience’s attention through shock factor alone. It was absolutely bizarre to watch characters run through overly violent flashbacks with everyone screaming and having seizures only to find out that everything they just did was an excuse for the writers to put Gawain back into the hands of GL Carcer. Seriously, it’s like watching a complex game of hot potato as the watch and GL Carcer fight over who gets the sword each episode. There’s only eight official episodes which all run nearly forty-five minutes long and yet the producers chose to include a filler episode? These people have no idea what the fuck they’re doing! Someone higher up the corporate ladder one day went we have the rights to this go make something out of it in eight months and then they came back with this pile of dog shit. Absolutely unbelievable.

Let’s talk about episode five’s use of the fist motif to symbolize resistance for a hot sec. For those of you who don’t know, I am an American which means I picked up what the show was attempting to do with this unassuming graffiti because it’s something I see everyday in media and culture. When Supermodel Sybil pointed to the fist and proclaimed it was put there because the people of Ankh-Morpork saw them as heads of the growing resistance movement I immediately made the connection to the same clenched fist symbol used by Black Lives Matter protestors. If you aren’t familiar with US history and the BLM movement, from the moment slaves became emancipated from slavery to now, Jim Crow laws were put into place in order to continue to suppress the lives of black citizens. These laws were then enforced by the police to intimidate, harass, and incarcerate people of color in order to uphold Jim Crow laws that existed in American legislation. Although Jim Crow laws have been removed, the ripples of these laws are still felt decades later as police continue to target people of color which is why we constantly see instances of police maiming and/or killing innocent black men, women, and children. Black power movements begun cropping up during the 1960’s in protest to these laws that prevented people of different races from having the same advantages of those in white society. As black power movements picked up speed, various symbols, including the clenched fist were used to symbolize their movement and resistance. The symbolism behind the raised clench fist has been used to signify resistance and the fight against oppression since it was first used by revolutionists in the 18th century fighting against tyranny. Over time it has been adopted by different groups of people, but ultimately the significance of the clenched fist stayed the same. However, in the 1980’s, white American nationalists started using the clenched fist symbol in opposition of the black power movements since the clenched fist was also used during the Spanish Civil War by fascist nationalists. The use of a white clenched fist, or the Aryan fist, over time has become synonymous with white nationalists whose goal is to continue the oppression of minority groups in the United States. Knowing all that, please tell me the use of the graffiti fist/lady of the lake fist was just a massive oversight on the producers and set designers part during the production of BBC America’s The Watch! Please!

This is just a condensed history lesson for you because it’s truly an expansive topic I can go on and on about, but more specifically I want to talk about how using a symbol that represents resistance to oppression and giving it to a body of police officers is not only tone deaf but disrespectful to the movement the show writers were likely showing homage to. Referring to the watch and their journey to stop GL Carcer from destroying the city with references to the resistance fist disregards the struggles of black protestors who fight against police brutality. The Watch doesn’t just get to use a symbol that is synonymous with resisting systemic oppression that has been carried out by the American police force for fucking centuries to tell it’s audience that the members of the watch are the true source of change for the betterment of Ankh-Morpork. I have mentioned in the past that this show uses copaganda to sympathize with its characters, but so far this has been the most blatant use of the show saying the police are the good guys because they’re standing against this violent black gang leader and the system that created him. A system, by the way, that has been implemented by Lady Vetinari and works for the people living within that society.

Supermodel Sybil, a black woman, makes this speech about how the people see them as the resistance during a time of uncertainty which I have to call bullshit on. At no point in the last five episodes have the citizens of Ankh-Morpork made it apparent that they feel uncertain living within a society that uses the Guilds to keep things in order. They do not mention wanting change nor wanting that change to come from their city watch. During this episode, we witness two people upset that the Thieves Guild didn’t rob them at the appointed time they had agree to which threw their lives into disarray. They want the watch to do something about the thieves keeping up with their appointments to feel safe, not go arrest the thieves like Baby Carrot tried doing in the first episode. When Baby Carrot asks why they don’t just move to a place where the laws are different, they stare at him all confused and tell him that’s just not how the world works. They don’t want to move someplace else because in Ankh-Morpork, Vetinari’s system works. Even in the books, “Lord Vetinari represented stability. It was a cold and clinical kind of stability, but part of his genius was the discovery that stability was what people wanted more than anything else.” These people do not want to resist the system the watch is trying to fight! What they really want is for the watch to do their fucking job and kill the dragon that has been terrorizing the streets, not reform their way of life.

Side Note! In fact, the second example we see of the members of the watch doing more damage by changing the system then helping is Lydia, the girl in Supermodel Sybil’s flashbacks. When she returned to the only family she had ever known after she was “reformed,” they shunned and abandoned her because she was no longer associated with a guild and could not provide for the rest of her family. Supermodel Sybil’s interference essentially destroyed this young girl’s life because she thought she was doing the right thing. By stripping away the skills that helped her survive in the past, Sybil ultimately isolates this child from the rest of Ankh-Morpork society because she did not think of the consequences of her actions. It would have been more merciful to kill the assassins and thieves she kidnapped, because at least then they wouldn’t leave her basement destitute and alone.

Now for my favorite part of the review…

Things in Not on My Watch that made me cry out, “Who wrote this shit???”:

Magic treadmill!

Wayne being so annoying that I wanted to destroy him myself

Carcer no swiping!

The next episode should just be The Watch going to therapy

Oh boy, child murder!

Apparently Ankh-Morporks main export is sand and eyeliner...

Sybil pronouncing Havelock like she’s trying to say Haven minus the n...like HEYVE-lock...

Lady Vetinari: I could have you killed.

Supermodel Sybil: I’m a bad bitch! You can’t kill me!

This meme I made after watching this episode:

Honorable Mentions:

Me@the show writers-

#the watch reviews #discworld #bbc america the watch #not my watch #bbc the watch #long post #mp #no editing we die like men

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the-awful-falafel · 5 years ago

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Rick and Morty - S4E6 "Never Ricking Morty" Podcast Summary/Breakdown

So y'all probably expected this based on how often I've been talking about these official companion podcasts. I recommend listening to them yourself either on the official Adult Swim YT channel or the official website, but I thought I'd go ahead and make bullet point breakdown of some key points for this particular podcast, because trivia and behind-the-scenes knowledge really appeal to me. And this episode is pretty divisive in the fanbase, so I think this podcast will assuage some fears even if you still personally dislike it in the end.

For some reason, the title of the podcast calls this S4E7 instead of episode 6. It wasn’t commented upon, so I assume either it was a typo or it was 7 in the production order and got swapped shortly before release.

The interviewed staff involved in this episode were Carlos Ortega (character design lead), Erica Hayes (director), James McDermott (art director), and Jeff Loveness (writer)

The idea of this episode was conceived in October/November 2018 as a "one-up" of anthologies and clip shows. They didn't want to do a straight anthology because many other TV shows had already done that, so they tried to go more experimental and bold and basically went balls-deep with the metanarrative as a result

It was a substitute for Interdimensional Cable (which they were going to do instead but it fell through for unknown reasons)

"We had to go so far up our own ass, because if we didn't go far enough, people would be mad that we didn't."

The writers intentionally mocked themselves as much as the fans, pretty much, and it was meant to be all in good fun

The artists really enjoy designing all the weird aliens in the show, as well as getting to reuse/repurpose them when applicable. Apparently next episode (Promortyus) is going to be reusing a lot of designs for something (but they obviously can't say due to spoilers)

Compared to other episodes, "Never Ricking Morty" went pretty smoothly once it got to the art stage. That doesn't mean it was easy, but there weren't a ton of revisions they had to do

There was a joking spoiler about Rick becoming pregnant later this season. At least I think it's joking.

While writing this episode, the writers came up with a huge whiteboard list of complaints about the show, misconceptions about the show, etc. to consult for the meta jokes. Loveness later clarified that it wasn't quite about attacking "complaining" though, and it wasn't meant to be mean-spirited

The Bechdel test skit came from them realizing they hadn't done much with Beth and Summer this season, which definitely can be considered a flaw. Therefore, as part of their self-mockery, the writers decided to force them crudely into the episode as a joke, while also making fun of men who write women characters poorly and reductively.

The Jesus Christ / Rick suddenly being Christian part was written in response to the writers asking themselves "what would kill Rick and Morty as a show?"

Jeff Loveness said this in the "Inside Never Ricking Morty" video as well, but he really loved the "old man is really ripped and ready to kick your ass" trope and is partially responsible for it becoming a running gag this episode along with "cum gutters". Apparently cum gutters return in season 5 (also said jokingly, so who knows)

One of the Q&A callers called multiple times, with different phone numbers, and kept asking about potential crossovers for some reason

"A lot of people are saying that the show is fucking with their fans. Is that accurate?" "I think some of those fans deserve to be fucked with a little bit."

They point out how some fans feel entitled to the idea they should be pleased by the show all the time, and the writers feel like the show should ideally surprise the viewers in a good way, but you still may not like every episode and that's alright

At the same time, the episode wasn't meant as an attack on the fans, it was more of a "we'll do this our way, be experimental, and push the envelope of what we can do" message they were sending. Jeff Loveness promises that there's "good stuff coming up" that he thinks the fans will be happy with, presumably in late Season 4 or even Season 5

"Just because we showed it this way and you'll probably never see it this way again, that doesn't mean we're dropping these storylines completely." There you go, everyone! The ongoing story threads are still happening at some point, and the message of the episode wasn't about dropping continuity or mocking people for caring about it. Although if you were hoping for resolutions similar to what was shown in this episode (Evil Morty w/ a giant army, Tammy VS Summer with lightsabers), those scenarios are almost certainly not going to happen canonically based on this statement. Let's hope that what they do come up with is both unexpected and awesome.

The episode is intended to be non-canonical, similar to past once-a-season clip show episodes like Interdimensional Cable

Story Lord was inspired by characters like Mysterio and Q, and the writers created him late in development as a type of villain they hadn't done before. Dan Harmon also put a lot of self-mockery into the character with how much he loved narrative structure and the story circle. The character artists even initially asked if Harmon could be the design for the character but that received an immediate "no", as it was perceived as being too on-the-nose.

Jeff Loveness was surprised the Rick/Birdperson musical made it to the final episode since it seemed like the sort of thing that would be cut or lost in development. He was also surprised the Jesus thing stayed in mostly untouched

The Story Train was intended to be an actually purchasable product by the time the episode aired-- the writers were emphatically excited about that being the culmination of the joke in the writers room-- and they were surprised that it didn't go through by the time the episode aired. They guess it's due to the coronavirus pandemic interrupting merchandising plans, but they're ultimately unsure because the decision isn't discussed with them

The artists do receive some limitations on how much gore they're allowed to depict, but they can show as much blood as they want, so for the most part they can still be creative with gruesome violence (like the Tickets Please guy ripping in half in this episode)

The artists are credited for elevating most of the fight scenes in the show, sometimes with only vague script direction which they use to be very creative

In response to a viewer calling in and asking the question about whether Pickle Rick will return: "I think there's a conversation to be had about: do we want these things to return or it better to do a one-off story?" So my take on this is that not literally everything will factor into the continuity-- they put thought into what ideas have more long-running potential and they build those up. Which is kind of obvious but the question was silly anyway. (They're still ambiguous about whether or not Pickle Rick will come back, by the way)

They aren't going to do an outright Star Wars parody in Rick and Morty because other shows have already done that, but they can still parody what Star Wars represents rather than doing a "branded commercial" for it. Apparently there is a lot of that specifically coming up this season (although indirect in the way they're describing). I assume this is referring to the upcoming "Star Mort Rickturn of the Jerri" episode, so I’m curious about how they’ll reference Star Wars in that one.

The COVID-19 reference this episode was thrown in last minute, presumably with just alternative dubbing and changing the lip sync animation. They say that sometimes episodes are still being worked on up until the moment they release on television. Referring to a previous episode as an example, the character of Shadowjacker from the dragon episode was thrown in last-minute

With the exception of James McDermott, most of the staff interviewed had no control or participation over the commercial product placement work, such as the Wendy's/Pringles commercials. They don't mind them for the most part and find them funny

The writers try to avoid being too topical because the scripts take so long to turn into animation that any references will become outdated by the time it releases. Therefore, they try to be "timely" in the sense that they're writing about things that are happening in the world, but in a more abstract/thematic sense. Jeff Loveness implies that the next episode Promortyus will have a lot of that

In response to another viewer Q&A: There is no Rick and Morty movie currently planned. They wouldn't mind one, but nothing is really in development at the moment

The staff say they're excited for the next batch of episodes and seem pretty proud of their work on this season

They don't plan on making a Rick and Morty musical episode at the moment, as they feel like other shows like South Park and the Simpson have done it excellently and don't feel like they're capable of doing it better. The Rick/Birdperson bit in this episode was the most we're going to get

The code inside the broken-off throttle lever was intended to just be a bar code decal (to show it's a toy) and doesn't actually mean anything. James McDermott jokingly said it's "where the bodies are buried"

The Rick army / Evil Morty scene was huge from an animation standpoint and they almost couldn't do it due to how ambitious the shot was. They were going for a "Lords of the Rings", faux series-finale vibe, where they "give the fans what they THINK they want". Justin Roiland insisted they do it

There are definitely more big animation setpieces planned for the future

And that’s it! I’ll probably do more of these for the future episode podcasts, if anyone is still interested.

#rick and morty #never ricking morty #companion podcast #q & a

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true-neutral-earth-elf · 6 years ago

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Necromancy in Earthblood society: headcanons and theories

( Wow, haven’t posted one of these before. Let’s see how it goes!)

Personally, I don’t believe necromancy is as unnatural - dare I say, unrealistic- and completely revolting in the tdp world as it is in D&D, any zombie-esque story, or Frankenstein (yes, I consider that a form of necromancy; get used to it). My reasons for claiming these examples as “unrealistic” is largely due to the use of corpses that are already in a state of decay. Rigor Mortis, the state in which a corpse’s muscles and joints stiffen due to the lack of oxygen needed to produce the chemical compound adenosine triphosphate (ATP) which is necessary for the relaxation of muscle fibers, sets in 2-6 hrs -depending on body size, sex, physique, environmental condition, etc.- and ends only when the muscle fibers themselves begin to decay. This means that a corpse is physically incapable of unassisted movement, much less eating/digesting brains. So, in order to avoid this mistake (which can be easily identified by looking up rigor mortis in Wikipedia or, you know, a freaking book! Mary Shelley lived in a time when this information was either difficult to find or being discovered; what’s Hollywood’s excuse?) a necromancer would have to do one of two things: require a really, really fresh corpse (like in the 1968 version of, “Night of the Living Dead” (the corpses had to have died recently in order to be reanimated));or be able to revive the organism on a cellular level, this would also require the necromancer to stimulate rapid cell reproduction in order to keep the revived cells from immediately dying due to the lack of oxygen, again. I have yet to watch or read anything that applies the latter form of necromancy (if you know of any, please leave a suggestion in the comments), or at least acknowledges it’s application. This is one of the first reason why I hope to god it’s implemented in, “The Dragon Prince,” universe. The second is how it can also be applied as a form of healing. That’s right my DMs and adventurers, your healer can theoretically use their abilities for necromancy and vice versa; let that sink in for a moment. This would further support my belief that Earth mages are capable of healing, just a different form of healing than would be used by Sun and Ocean Healers (I’ll write a post to further discuss what these different forms of healing are, I swear). Anyways.... that’s theory/headcanon thingy #1 of this list. (Just gonna tag @dragonprinceofficial , in case anyone finds this particularly interesting....couldn’t hurt, right?)

Necromancy, of this sort, cannot bring dead loved ones back. The brain is one of the first organs to decay minutes after death, which means that the memories stored within those neurons would be lost; even if those cells were revived, the explicit and possibly implicit memories of the subject would likely never return. Of course, since this is probably an exhausting process and would require a lot of time to complete, the necromancer would have to prioritize the neurons responsible for respiration and circulation of blood in order to keep the revived cells alive throughout the ordeal (kind of like an internal, natural life support machine...actually, if Xadia has the technology for life support machines that would take a load off of the necromancer/s; instead of immediately worrying over the neurons, they could focus on regenerating the major organs then go back to the brain later on......wait, no, that’s a tangent...getting back to the point), which means that even if the person died only a little while before, it would take even more time for the necromancer to finally regenerate the parts of the brain believed to store explicit/implicit memories. This isn’t taking the spirit of the subject into consideration. We know that spirits do exist within the tdp universe, the creators have even stated that it’s possible to communicate with these spirits via moon magic (though they also stated that some most magical abilities are not exclusive to a single primal source, but that’s not important right now). But can an earth mage call the spirit of the individual back into the body? I’m going to assume not since spirits or souls are not typically considered part of the “natural-earthy” world, but the ethereal one. (I am not in any way an expert in neurology, biology, anatomy, or any other scientific field. All of the above is based on my very limited memory of anatomy class and quick fact checks. Do not quote me on anything. If you are an expert and see a mistake, please, correct me.)

For the reasons previously mentioned, I believe Earthblood elves would outlaw the resurrection of the recently deceased; for the sake of the individual’s family and friends. It’s too much for grieving loved ones to handle, even if necromancy is normalized within their society. Perhaps resurrecting elves, period, is taboo, simply because of ethical concerns. Of course, some, if not many, would likely disregard the established laws in favor of exploring new regenerative spells; perhaps, even attempting to create chimeras from multiple corpses. If my assumption that Druidic orders exist within Xadia is correct, then it is likely that mages whom dabble in this practice are either excommunicated, rejected, or forced to hide their research and experiments by their elders.

All mages gifted with Life-earth magic (spells that focus on flora and fauna) have the ability to learn necromantic spells. Botanical mages have an easier time with necromatic spells, that’s how they revive dead plants. However, neither party can preform necromatic spells in a different field (Botanical mages can’t revive animals, and Zoological mages can’t revive plants).

NECROMANCY IS FREAKING HARD!!!! You know the amount of studying it takes to keep humans alive? Doctors are required to have an intimate understanding of bodily functions, including cellular reproduction. Healers in the tdp universe would probably also require this knowledge along with spells and accompanying runes. But you see, the healer’s patient is alive. That means that their body is, for the most part, keeping itself alive. Which allows the healer to focus on the main issue. The necromancer is literally bringing their subject back from the dead. They not only need to know how the body works, or which spells will sustain the subject; but also which parts need to be revived first, which other organs are required to keep others alive, which veins and arteries to reconstruct, how many capillaries will be needed to deposit nutrients to the revived cells, how to reconstruct an organ from literal mush, which bacteria is good for the subject and which needs to be purged, and the list goes on, and on! Necromancers need to be a specialist of specialists, in a medical sense, in order to make a reasonably functional being. Then, one has to take into account the amount of magical, mental, and physical energy required from the mage to perform each and everyone of the spells on every single structure within the body in succession. It wouldn’t surprise me if this was why dark magic was created in the first place! I’m not even sure Aaravos could pull something like this off by himself. Of course, if the mage doesn’t want a self aware lackey, they could cut corners in regards to the construction of the brain; possibly leave out the appendix, one of the kidneys, maybe part of a lung, probably the voice box, hair, pituitary glands (in regards to human subject)....if longevity isn’t a priority of the caster, then there’s much that can be ignored to save time. It’s quite possible that, in the end, the reanimated subject won’t even appear as they were meant to.

I might add a second part to this list later on, only time will tell. Feel free to ask any questions regarding this and other post, or add any of your own headcanons/theories; I’d love to hear from y’all! I hope y’all enjoyed.

Thank you for reading!

#the dragon prince #tdp #tdp headcanons #tdp theory #tdp elves #earth elf #earth primal #necromancer #necromancy #tdp earthblood elves #dnd

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guynamedultimax · 6 years ago

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My take on Brawl Stars lore

GUESS WHO IS STILL ALIVE *points at its own almost dead body injured by Avengers: Endgame, Nintendo’s E3 2019, the latest Brawl Talk from Supercell and the Stranger Things 3 Final Trailer*

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And I brought you my own take on what is the Brawl Stars universe!

The Old West is ancient history. Welcome to the New West.

Technology got slightly advanced here. Portals to different time periods and and alternate universes have been created and people from all over these places join the core of the New West, Brawl Town, main residence of the Brawl Games, friendly games that are being made to decide the Ultimate Brawl Stars. Main battles are 3v3 and happen in the Nameless Desert, costantly invaded by meteors, evil Robo Bandits and mysterious shrooms and drinks.

The teams are known as:

THE BANDITS: A group of gentleman thieves on friendly terms with the Junkers.

SHELLY: The leader filled with determination. Some say she has a soft spot for the town sheriff...

RICO: Former pool bot known as Ricochet who discovered his amazing aiming skills and joined Shelly. Lost his original body in a Robo Rumble and received a new one from the Junkers.

BROCK: Gamer from the modern age who stole a rocket launcher from an evil corporation and came into Brawl Town in search of adventure.

THE JUNKERS: A family of redheads who re-use metal junk to build turrets and other robots.

COLT: Only male of the family, Sheriff of Brawl Town with an obsession with his pretty face. Unlike his family he is more of a guns guy.

JESSIE: Colt’s younger sister with a passion for pets, to the point she named her own dog-themed turret Scrappy.

PAM: Leader of the family and a real mama bear. Touch her sons and you’re in for a bad time.

THE PIRATES: A robot pirate crew from overseas who came to Brawl Town for one thing and only one thing: MONEY.

PENNY: A pirate captain who is very good at building robots and cannons, to the point she built her own crew. She is quite competitive and a bit arrogant. Hates Jessie for some reason.

BARRYL: Formerly a barrel filled with gunpowder, Penny built this silent but deadly guy and, therefore, he stays loyal to her and her only.

TICK: Formerly a giant cannon, he was turned by Penny into a metal ball of energy and happiness. He is always with his explosive head in the clouds and loves mines. Some even describe him as a “Pirate Spike” because of his personality.

THE UNDEAD: A group made of vampires, monsters and undead beings. They are on friendly terms with the Mysterious Ones.

MORTIS: A mysterious vampire known as the Bringer of Doom, who is able to resurrect the dead...often with unexpected results (see his comrades). He his quite self-centered and a bit evil, but is still loved by his team and friends.

FRANK: The one time that Mortis tried to use technology instead of his magic to resurrect an undead body, it turned into Frank, an unstoppable, brainless beast...who seems friendly and at ease when listening music.

POCO: Usually when Mortis resurrects people they are under his control. While trying to resurrect a musician who lost all of his fans, somehow, the mind control didn’t work, so Poco has free will. While he bears no ill will towards his teammates (helps Frank with his musical condition and tries to find friends for Mortis), he lives with the Junkers and has more of a relationship with them.

THE LEATHER JACKETS: A group of thugs from Retropolis, a town south of Brawl Town, who give to every challenger they come across the sweetest pain. But they aren’t actually evil.

BULL: Leader of the Leather Jackets and owner of a diner in Retropolis, Bull Blanco has anger issues and LOVES shotguns and football.

CROW: A mysterious bird man who came from nowhere in the Brawl Stars universe who asks for respect and respect only. Even if he is edgy, he is a nice guy who taught Leon his ninja ways. (Spoiler: He is actually an alien sent to study the BS universe by his species who created the Robo Bandits and conquer it from the inside, but now he loves this world and has sworn to protect it. Probably explains why Robo Bandits aremore aggressive towards him.)

BIBI: A girl from Retropolis, who is a bit childish but is brutal with her bat, properly named Mr. Bat. Before Crow arrived she was Bull’s only friend (and crush, but don’t tell her otherwise he’d kill you)

THE TRIBE: The name speaks for itself. What is left of the Indians in the world of the New West.

NITA: A girl with lots of energy and ability in fighting who received from her guardian a gift to protect her: the necklace that summons her inner animal spirit, the Big Baby Bear, to protect her at all costs. Has a crush on her foster sibling.

BO: Leader of the Tribe, who highly believes in the spirits and combines old with new by mixing his unstoppable archery skills with mines crafted by Dynamike. He is very serious and has a strong sense of justice.

LEON: Orphaned at a young age, this kid with a chameleon hoodie from the modern world came into the New West, received ninja lessons from Crow and, thanks to his new family made of Bo and Nita, he learned how to become invisible.

THE MINERS: A squad made of two miners and a bartender who highly specialize in searching gems.

DYNAMIKE: Also known as Old Mike, this former miner is not only good at building robots but also has pyromania and always has a short fuse. The bird in his head is called Birdy by him.

CARL: A knows-it-all robot miner with a childish personality, great ability in throwing his pickaxe, and a love for geology, horrible geology puns and Jessie.

BARLEY: Mike’s first robot, built when he was still a miner to serve him some moonshine. Time passes by and his circuits started fusing,so now he became a Brawler to recieve money to fix all damages done in his bar at Brawl Town.

THE MYSTERIOUS ONES: No one knows who they are or where they came from. They were reunited by their leader to fight in the Brawls.

TARA: A mysterious tarot card reader literally coming from the shadows, but no one knows that...except for Gene, probably.

GENE: A childish genie who came out from a rebellious lamp found by Tara. She sees Tara as his “mommy” and has a SERIOUS love for sweets and especially chocolate cakes.

SPIKE: Last member of the living catcus people, except for their sakura cactus siblings. He is shy and reserved on the outside, but cheerful and happy on the inside. He just never shows it because he is scared he might hurt someone with his, uh...hugs. Tara found him wandering in the desert alone and took him with her.

THE FIGHTERS: Two fighters and a sniper coming from around Brawl Town.

EL PRIMO: Originally a useless no one, Primo got hit by a meteor, receving superpowers and becoming the strongest wrestler in the New West. He is especially good with children and is searching for his brother, who is thought dead (and may actually be). He found him but he can’t recognize him.

ROSA: Primo’s number one fan, a botanist from the jungle west of Brawl Town who is also a boxer and is accompanied by her house plant. She is quite smart and built a lab in the jungle.

PIPER: The Belle of the Brawl herself, Piper de la Prim is usually a lone wolf who grew up learning how to use her umbrella gun and the proper manners. Since all teams were filled, she diced to join the Fighters.

THEIR THEME SONGS

THE BANDITS: Shot Me Down by David Guetta featuring Skylar Grey. It was more of a choice from Shelly and Brock

THE JUNKERS: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, personally chosen by Colt

THE PIRATES: He’s a Pirate by Hans Zimmer. Darryl hates it though.

THE UNDEAD: Thriller by Micheal Jackson, even though Poco prefers Remember Me by Miguel

THE LEATHER JACKETS: They are still undecided. Bull says it should be Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham!, Crow says it’s In the End by Linkin Park and Bibi says it’s Karate by BABYMETAL

THE TRIBE: Nita forced them to choose Great Spirits by Tina Turner, not that Bo minded that anyway.

THE MINERS: Carl ironically proposed Heigh Ho (the one from the Seven Dwarfs). Dynamike unironically chose that.

THE MYSTERIOUS ONES: Gene asked for Friend Like Me by Robin Williams and since they didn’t have any other ideas (and he made a puppy face) they just went with it.

THE FIGHTERS: Rosa wanted to use Eye of the Tiger by Survivor but Primo just kept saying the Guile Theme was suited enough, and even Piper liked that. So they chose the best of both worlds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edPUrkEf_ow

SKINS BACKSTORIES

BANDITA SHELLY: Her self from a dark future in which the Robo Bandits destroyed Brawl Town.

STAR SHELLY: She became a gamer after suggestions from Brock.

PANDA NITA: She usually wears that necklace on Halloween.

HOLIDAY SKINS: They come from the Brawlidays Universe.

SHIBA NITA: In another JP-based universe, she is a normal schoolgirl that summons a bear-shaped shiba to fight bad guys. So kawaii!

ROCKSTAR COLT: Karaoke Night on Friday is a big deal for Colt so he always prepares for the best.

IMPERIAL AGENT COLT: In the same JP-based universe from where Shiba Nita hails, he is literally an imperial agent.

OUTLAW COLT: Hails from the same universe as Bandita Shelly.

VIKING BULL: He dressed up as a viking on Halloween and he even customized the shotgun.

QUARTERBACK/LINEBACKER BULL: Did we mention that Bull LOVES football? Sometimes he even calls it Footbull.

DRAGON KNIGHT JESSIE: They say she hails from a “Royal Clash” universe or something like that. ;)

SUMMER JESSIE/BROCK: They just prepared for summer, that’s all.

BOOM BOX BROCK: His attire back when he lived in the modern world.

LION DANCE BROCK: Sidekick of Imperial Agent Colt.

HOT ROD BROCK: His attire when he took a vacation in Retropolis.

CHEF MIKE: He is quite the bad chef, but he makes it up with his knowledge of spicy peppers.

ROBO MIKE: Comes from the same future as of Outlaw Colt and Bandita Shelly. The problem was an incident with the Robo Bandits. He doesn’t talk about it. Birdy is all that is left of his former self, and even then, he pilots him.

MECHA BO AND MECHA CROW : They got roboticized after a bad incident with the Robo Bandits in the Outlaw Universe (the one from which Robo Mike hails too). Colro variations are made by them to make themselves look cooler. They are what is left of the official Brawl Stars tournament members, the others kidna cut the ties with the “sport”.

EL RUDO: Primo’s darker self who manifested in the Outlaw Universe as a collateral effect of the meteor who hit him and gave him his powers.

EL REY: For special occasions in the battlefield, Primo wears this attire.

GOLDEN BARLEY: Back when he was still a fresh model, Barley used to look like this.

WIZARD BARLEY: You know it.

BAKE SALE BARLEY: In what was the worst moment of his whole life, he worked at Bull’s diner and was forced by Bull to wear that.

MAPLE SYRUP BARLEY: The guy once went to Canada. Canada changed him. Now he loves maple syrup.

SERENADE POCO: He once helped Colt trying to serenade Shelly. It ended with lots of spare shotguns being thrown at them.

LOADED RICO: Back when he was a pool bot, rich people used Rico to store gems. He HATES that.

POPCORN RICO: He also worked at Brawl Town’s cinema for a month or so. He got a popcorn addiction and got fired.

DUMPLING DARRYL: From the universe in which Colt and Brock are secret agents, he is a robot who loves dumplings and supports them in their secret missions.

BUNNY PENNY: During Easter, a prank war between Jessie and her was ongoing. She received a lesson by getting her outfit and cannon modified after hanging Scrappy upside down.

ROAD RAGE CARL: To try to look cool for the Leather Jackets he started dressing up like this. His Outlaw Universe counterpart keeps wearing it.

CAVEMAN FRANK: He dressed up liek this on Halloween.

ROCKABILLY MORTIS: Karaoke Night on Friday is a serious thing for Mortis too.

TOP HAT MORTIS: He once wore a hat that is now lost in time and space.

NIGHT WITCH MORTIS: Mortis once exchanged bodies with a Night Witch from Clash Royale. It was all her fault though.

SAKURA SPIKE: She comes from a similar species to that of Spike, made by sakura catuses. She hails from the same unvierse as Shiba Nita and the Lunar New Year skins.

WHITE CROW: A condition that Crow has is that in the winter he turns his feathers white.

PHONEIX CROW: Crow’s true form.

WEWWWWWWWWWWWW ABOUT DAMN TIME I FINISHED

STICK A FORK IN ME, I’M DOOONE

#brawl stars #lore #i'm back

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amphtaminedreams · 6 years ago

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To All the Characters I’ve Overly Identified with Before: Borderline Personality Disorder and Attachment to Fictional Characters

It’s been a month, and I’m still not over how Game of Thrones ended. I’m still not over the way that a character who, throughout the previous seventy something episodes of the show, was only ever ruthless towards people who were deserving of her wrath (within the context of westerosi justice because let’s not forget everyone’s favourite man of honour Ned Stark decapitated a young man for running for his life in the first episode), suddenly massacred a whole city in the penultimate episode. I’m not over the way that writers who spent the previous seasons showing that they were capable of translating the moral ambiguity of George R.R Martin’s characters from page to screen, got lazy and left us with a character whose actions became impossible to defend right as the show was ending. I’m not over the way that such a beautifully complex character who endured so much hurt and trauma was reduced to nothing more than a “crazy woman” by a couple of male writers in her final moments. I’m not over the fact that Emilia Clarke put her heart and soul into the character and did everything she could to bring Daenerys Targaryen to life for David Benioff and Dan Weiss to both literally and figuratively assassinate her.

I think those feels have been felt by a lot of Game of Thrones fans since the show ended. God knows I’ve watched enough youtube video essays and read enough articles and liked enough tweets reiterating the sentiment. Daenerys Targaryen was, in my opinion, the best character on Game of Thrones. I wasn’t angry because she didn’t end up sitting on the throne (though my boy Drogon made sure nobody else ever would either and I guess I can get behind that), I was angry because all the balance that made her character so great was thrown out the window in order to progress the story of her male counterpart and bring a show that probably could’ve done with another 2 seasons to an end. Dany has always had a dark side, she is the “fire” that the title of the book series refers to, but throughout the show, we’ve never seen her indulge that side to the point of no return. We’ve seen her wrestle with it and use it to exact punishment on those who deserve it when needs be, and that was part of what I liked about her. Not to go all feminist essay on anyone’s ass but we don’t usually get to see women in TV who are celebrated for their powers of intimidation, and I liked how prior to season 8, the narrative never made female characters like Dany or Arya or Brienne out to be monsters for killing people the same way that basically every single man on the show did at one point or another. I liked that sometimes she was a little excessive because it made sense, she did have ��dragon” in her, and she still had lines she wouldn’t cross, clear values and principles; she fought for the innocent, for women and for children, and for freedom. On a personal level, I loved her because we watched her go from a lonely, scared and vulnerable girl to a strong, ambitious and self-assured woman and that was a trajectory I wanted to relate to.

And then all of a sudden, without any justification or build up at all, she’s a mass murderer of the same “downtrodden” people she always claimed to fight for. Fuck, I’m thinking. I literally watched that episode through my hands because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. When I say I cried on and off for about 3 days after I watched the final episode, I’m not exaggerating; I only need to see a screen cap now a month later or an interview with Emilia Clarke and I’m off again. It literally felt as if I was mourning the loss of a real person. But this isn’t the first time I’ve had this kind of attachment to a character. Daenerys Targaryen was probably just the last in a long list of women I overly identified with.

I’m not much like her at all really, I’ve burnt myself from taking the film off my microwaved lasagne and not moving my thumb away from the hot air in time (lmao), however, I think I saw parts of myself in her journey and traits that I wanted to have, thus, I latched on. Before Daenerys Targaryen there was Spencer Hastings and before her there was Cassie Ainsworth and then if we’re gonna throw it all the way back, there was Hermione Granger (and some other characters I was more mildly obsessed with along the way, Katniss Everdeen, Bree Van de Kamp and Cosima Niehaus, I’m looking at you). I still love all those characters now but when their respective shows or films were actually current, I was completely obsessed. I spent my 16th birthday at the Harry Potter studios on the outskirts of London with my family, forget birthday parties or meals out with my friends. I wished more than anything that I had 2 best friends that loved me unconditionally and I did my best to emulate that drive and intelligence and work ethic everyone associates with Hermione. I told myself I was just like her even though I lacked the confidence to put my hand up in all but one of my classes and last time I checked, was just trying to conquer GCSEs not fight an evil wizard snaked hybrid man or whatever Voldemort is. I identified with the loneliness and the need for control that I saw in Cassie, and was like “oH eM GeE, tHat’s sO mE!” at Spencer’s perfectionism. When I was speeding for my exams (and then, unfortunately, for long after), I felt spiritually connected to that whole Pretty Little Liars arc where Spencer started popping adderall on the daily even though I could really only wish for someone to care about me enough to stalk me like A did and the worst possible outcome of my all nighter was not taking in enough content to bullshit my way through a 30 marker.

They would understand me, they would be my friend. They represent me. That was the baseline sentiment of my obsession. And I think that’s the borderline part of me jumping out. See, such a huge part of BPD is feeling unwanted and misunderstood and forgettable and really, deeply lonely. Like it’s a kind of loneliness I think you feel like an actual person can never really fulfil because the (faulty and not necessarily reflective of reality) thought pattern is that they’ll lose interest and leave you sooner or later. Fictional characters are always there, until the show gets cancelled or the character gets killed off, at least, and then comes the completely disproportionate tidal wave of grief. They exist in a different world too, a one that feels a lot less dangerous (even if it’s actually way more dangerous, I mean I really wouldn’t last five fucking minutes in Westeros) and detached from the often chronically muted reality of BPD.

Then there’s the trouble with the sense of self, part and package of BPD for most, which facilitates, you know, thinking that a genius witch or, like, any character in skins (because in hindsight as great as that show was, WHY DO NONE OF THEM HAVE JOBS YET SEEMINGLY AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF DRUGS AND PARENTS THAT NEVER SEEM TO CARE WHERE THE HELL THEY ARE!?) resembles you as a person in any way. Though I suppose I’m learning recently as I begin to reflect more on what I enjoy and value, I’ve never had much more than a vague idea of what my positive qualities are, so when I saw them fully realised in a character it was a treasure trove of mannerisms and traits and ways of carrying oneself to adopt. It becomes a mould into which you can squeeze the ball of meh-ness and uncertainty you feel you resemble. Now I’m realising that although it might take me a little more time and a lot more effort, it’s much more rewarding to become the very best version of myself, but back then, I suppose I didn’t recognise why I was doing what I was doing.

I only got diagnosed with BPD and started learning about it when it was 19, so all the years before that were pretty much spent unaware of the reasons why I had these quirks. As I “recover” (I suppose that’s the right word) and I get back into hobbies and spend more time with friends, I feel like I’m beginning to discover more and more of who I am. I’m starting to accept that there are positive things about me and plenty of things for people to like, right here in this world, not some fictional one.

I still love characters way too much and get overly attached and invested in TV shows but even that doesn’t necessarily have to be something to be ashamed of. When I’ve got into *ahem* discussions with people online about characters before, I’ve occasionally gotten the “why do you care so much, it’s not real life!” in response, and I mean, there’s definitely a point to be made if your passion for something is causing you to lash out at real life people with real life feelings. But when you’re not, when it can give you hours of discussion and entertainment and can drive you to make real positive changes in the world too, what’s wrong with passion? There’s nothing I love more than having a conversation with someone who I can tell really loves what they’re talking about, so why should I be ashamed of having the capacity to become deeply invested in things too? I think as long as it’s not taking over my life as I have allowed it to do so in the past, there’s nothing wrong with having passion for fictional things or for anything, for that matter. As long as it’s not something fucked up, like idk, white supremacy or Rick and Morty (JOKING).

I don’t regret loving all the things I loved because being a huge Harry Potter fan for so many years did give me an escape when I absolutely hated myself and couldn’t find much enjoyment in real life. I hope that if I do have children one day, they’ll love it too, maybe not quite as much as I did but enough for it to give them all the joy it gave me, all the same. So in summary, yeah, fuck David Benioff and Dan Weiss (lmao, I’m joking, they’re just shitty original screenplay writers who could probably do with a class or two on how to write female characters), but also, understand before you make fun of someone for being overly invested in something that there’s probably a good reason for it and that, at the end of the day, they’re usually not hurting anyone. I’ll probably still be stanning Daenerys Targaryen and pretending season 8 episode 5 didn’t happen until the day I die. Let me live, okay?

Lauren x

#bpd #harry potter #Hermione granger #Emma watson #cassie ainsworth #skins #gameofthrones #got #antigot #DaenerysTargaryen #daenerys targaryen #emilia clarke

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adultswim2021 · 3 years ago

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Robot Chicken #26: “Dragon Nuts” | April 30, 2006 – 11:30PM | S02E05

What's the deal with Robot Chicken episode “Dragon Nuts”? I'll tell you!

There's a sketch about Morning Wood, a toy that's just a piece of wood you keep under your bed covers and make double entendre jokes about. Bruce Campbell is in it. Groovy?

Idle Nuts is a substantial length sketch where a guy agrees to have his nuts run over for 2 million dollars (which is also the exact cost of getting testicle transplants). Nasty! Well, the transplants turn out to be murderous nads, and I was all like “ah yes, a parody Maurice Renard's timeless story Les Mains d'Orlac, very funny”, but it becomes an IDLE HANDS parody specifically, AAAHHH!! I forgot Seth Green was in that. I forgot that movie existed!

There's a sketch called Attack of the Giant Midget where the joke is that a midget is blown up to the size of a common non-height-challenged man and he goes on a rampage but then eventually just starts having fun being able to dunk a basketball and go on roller coasters. I mean, on paper that's a funny premise, but I remember hating it when it was happening. I’d prefer this in live-action.

For some reason I remember having seen this sketch, and only this sketch from this episode. I think for some reason it autoplayed on YouTube when I was watching a different Adult Swim thing. It's “The NeverEnding Party” wherein the characters from The NeverEnding Story are bored because “nothing” (like the nothing? Get it?) is happening, so Atreau throws a party. I sorta appreciated it because it was mostly just a stupid fun bit. Most Robot Chicken sketches are either take-a-non-violent thing and make it violent or take a violent thing and make it non-violent, so I sorta appreciate that they just had fun with NeverEnding Story and it's characters. I don't know, man. I didn't laugh at it or anything. I guess I just have been a sucker for the theme song and I liked the soundalike version they did here.

The last sketch is a news sketch that's just an excuse to cut to little short sketches about the Care Bears or whatever. I mean that as like, a dismissive jab at Robot Chicken's writing process, “let's do a sketch about the Care Bears or whatever”, and not me genuinely confusing The Shirt Tales, who are in this sketch, FOR the Care Bears. You got it? Anyway: There's a bit about Underdog and the video game Spy Hunter and Transformers and all that shit. It's all over the place and basically a miniature episode of Robot Chicken unto itself. All of these things could've just been standalone little sketches, but I guess they just wanted to use Bruce one more time (he's the newscaster).

And that's this one. I hope you had fun.

MAIL BAG:

Do you think the new A24 movie is just them repacking Rick and Morty for a crowd that thinks Rick and Morty is for incels or don't want to watch a show by an ALLEGED kid-liker? Your thoughts, have you seen the movie? Did you like it? Did you love it? Everyone seems to love it, but I'm not so sure.

Literally all I know from this movie is that people have been gushing over it. The only bits of it I’ve seen are in animated GIFs or ads for it that I’ve scrolled past. I don’t ever watch new movies almost ever, so I don’t know when I’ll get to it. But I know that Lights Camera Jackson didn’t like it, and he is “of the people”, so I trust his beautiful opinions.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #robot chicken

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1358456 · 7 years ago

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Gold Version Joy Run

Something that I wanted to do. Just like Yellow version, I will not restrict myself whatsoever. Which means... bring on the shenanigans.

Also, very important for me! This is the VERY FIRST TIME I actually do a full Gold version run with all the glitches at my disposal! So this is a new experience!

Let’s dance.

Right off the bat, a little f*ckery. Hey there, Silver boy. My croc is bigger than yours. ... What? Temporarily named as “Leviathan” since... well, let’s just say that the early Korean version of a certain scripture translated “Leviathan” as an alligator/crocodile. ... Gators don’t breathe flames from the mouth.

Critical Pokemon captured! Huhuhahahaha! Oh, Hoppip gets THREE moves at level 5, and one of them is Splash?! Ohohoho!

Once again, Silver boy, my croc is bigger than yours.

Splash in the third slot, eh?

Sorcery! Huhuhahahaha! Nickname: Apocalypse.

Here’s a little... side-product. ... Now that is a hell of a Rattata. No Rattata in existence can possibly have almost 400 HP at level 100, let alone level 69.

Or have that much Def, Sp. Atk, and Sp. Def. ... Or that low of an Atk. ... Dude. This guy can take hits and nothing else.

Turns out, you don’t even need a Graveler to whip Whitney’s ass. Geodude is fine. “Whits Bane”. As in, “Whitney’s Bane”. ... This was its literally only purpose.

So... this guy here... was a Quilava. Its data got corrupted during the demon magic bullsh*t, and it became an unstable Rattata. Which, when “stabilized”, became a level 1 Jigglypuff with Pokerus. ... Yep. I just force-spawned Pokerus. Because why not.

They are... parasites. Tiny little life forms stuck on the Pokemon. ... That’s nasty, dude.

The sorcery continues! Rock Smash in 3rd slot. Nickname: Leviathan. The true one. Behold the leviathan, monster of the sea! Its strong scales are its pride!

... Apparently this run’s ID gives me Smog and Fire Spin. Because those two moves were on all five Pokemon that I used this glitch to hatch. ... Which means this Lugia here is 2/5.

Nidorino! ... A Normal type Nidorino. ... ?????

“You could never catch a legendary Pokemon anyway.” ... You were literally just whipped by two of them. You blind f*ck.

Turns out, Morty is insanely easy if you... you know. Mewtwo doesn’t get Psychic until level 66, but... it gets Confusion at level 1.

Chuck’s Poliwrath was blasted so hard, its sprite died. RIP. Also proof that this was the result of shenanigans. Not only do I have a Lugia that’s level 24 (when the lowest you can get is 40 in Silver), but... Aeroblast. Aeroblast is only available in Silver version, since Lugia gets it at level 1, and then learns a new move every 11x level (11, 22, 33, 44, etc). So at level 40, it has Aeroblast, Safeguard, Gust, and Recover. In the wild, a level 44 one would’ve erased Aeroblast for Hydro Pump. So in Gold version, the level 70 Lugia does not have Aeroblast. In Crystal, the level... 60? Lugia does not have Aeroblast. And there is no such thing as a move re-learner in GSC. ... Similarly, Gold is the only version where you can get Sacred Fire. ... Which means, poor Crystal version. Doesn’t get sh*t.

Speaking of Sacred Fire... Shenanigans! Whirlpool in the 3rd slot. Nickname: Phoenix. 3/5.

Somehow, this doesn’t feel fair. Lance in the Pokemon League. Getting one-shotted. Hmm...

Well, that’s the Pokemon League down. EASY! But this time, I’m going all the way. Kanto!

Hey, this is the guy that kills your game. Talk to that thing and then open the Coin Case and then your game gets f*cked. Something like that.

Hmm... Kanto, huh? Then I get access to Grimer, and therefore Acid Armor... Hmm...

Huhuhuhahaha! Acid Armor in 3rd slot. Nickname: Doomguard. Apparently you can’t use numbers, so... I couldn’t name it as “135″. Boo. Ehn. It’s not shiny, so... 4/5.

“This Gym is great! Only girls are allowed here!” ... Yeah, maybe that line is better deleted in HGSS. ... The HGSS line makes no damn sense. Just deleting this guy would’ve been better.

... Were you... having a date right in front of someone else’s house? ... What is wrong with you?

Oh you poor, sad little man. Living in a cave, since Cinnabar Island burned down. Volcano eruption. Well, at least in HGSS, you modified the sh*t out of the cave floor in Seafoam Islands. In here, you’re literally just a dude sitting in a cave all by yourself.

Janine. You sad f*ck. What is this? Level 36?! The weakest Kanto leader by far. Even weaker than a Johto leader. That’s just... pitiful.

Oh, I remember this. The trainer house? Oh, I spent a lot of time here back in actual Gold version, trying to get Metronome to get Transform so I could Transform into the Smeargle with Sketch, so that the Mewtwo would get Sacred Fire. And I succeeded... twice, since I accidentally deleted Thunderbolt, so I had to do this glitch again, but for Thunderbolt.

Johto Leaders must be pretty pathetic because I beat them? You f*ck. Here you are, sitting all by yourself in a Gym clearly made of Lego, and you’re calling the Johto Leaders pathetic?

Well, now that I annihilated this f*ck with Mewtwo (for a specific reason), I now have access to Mt. Silver, and thus, my 5th and last addition to my team. Oh, SNEASEL!!!

Final shenanigans. Beat Up in 3rd slot. Nickname: Temporus. 5/5. It ain’t a Dragon, but hey. Time thingy. And so my team is ready. Level 59 Mew, 56 Mewtwo, 55 Lugia, 55 Ho-oh, 55 Celebi. Time to take on Red with his level 70+ team.

Oh yeah. GSC Mt. Silver requires Flash. ... Flash is for sissies?!

... Wow. Can’t see sh*t except for an item that’s... ... How would you even see that?!

So... Flash is necessary. Cool. Adding in a level 5 Togepi with Flash. The team is ready.

Mt. Silver. So... here is a “hidden” path that leads to a cave with literally nothing in it. ... Like, what the f*ck was the point of this?

And another hidden path to another hidden cave with literally nothing in it. ... WHY?! Were there supposed to be some cool hidden sh*t here that got canned at the last moment?!

... So, that’s how pitiful Pikachu is. Level 81, got outrun by a level 59 Mew (base 90 vs. base 100), and one-shotted by Earthquake. ... See, this is why I can the Pikachu as soon as possible in Yellow version for a Mew. Pikachu ain’t my starter. MEW is my starter!

And ANNIHILATED! You poor sap. I have a bunch of Pokemon 20 levels lower, and yet... EASY. Why? Because Legendaries have much higher stats than other Pokemon. And in RGBY GSC, every stat gets “EVed”. ... PKRS also helps out greatly. In short, all my Pokemon are better by far. ... Which is why I restrict myself to non-Legendaries only in other normal runs. It just ain’t fair otherwise.

Now that I finished the game, I guess I’ll go to the one thing I always found super cool and very f*cking meaningless. Edit the time to be Monday, and make a beeline for Mt. Moon!

... F*ck. I forgot about this encounter. Way to ruin it, dude. It’s a huge step down from facing Red to facing you. Boo. ... Also, now you f*cking notice? You weak pathetic f*ck. Dude, you don’t need love to raise Pokemon. You’ve been using violence, and you’ve been mislead that you need love and affection. ... Dude, you need knowledge. Violence can only come properly afterwards. ... This is a reference to the elder’s questions in Crystal and HGSS Dragon’s Den. “What do you need to raise Pokemon? Love, violence, or knowledge?”

The Clefairy dance in Mt. Moon Square! Only on Mondays at night. This is still in HGSS, I think. The Clefairy dance and... leaves you a Moon Stone before running off, which means the Moon Stone is the only evolution stone you can get infinite amount of times. The others, you get like... two. Fire/Water/Leaf/Thunder Stones require you to be in Kanto for some f*cked up reason!

Now then, Gold version joy run is over. Lots of shenanigans happened. And here is my final team:

Caught Snorlax with a duplicated Master Ball, removed the Leftovers, duplicated that 5 times so all 5 of my Pokemon can have one. Constant HP regeneration for Pokemon with PKRS boosted stat experience, and with base HP stats of 100, 100, 106, 106, 106? That’s pretty freaking cheap, man.

Psychic: Level 40, but... who has the time for that? Duplicated TM 29: Psychic 4 times, so... yay. Shadow Ball: TM 30, again duplicated. Earthquake: TM 26, duplicated. Ice Punch, TM 33. Purchased in Goldenrod! Yay for not having to use the duplication glitch!

... And PP maxed for the PP 10 or lower moves using the duplicated PP Ups.

I ain’t waiting for level 66 for Mewtwo to get Psychic. Duplicated TM!

Psychic, Earthquake, and Shadow Ball. ... Just like Mew. And Ho-oh. DUPLICATION! But look. When there’s one...

There’s the other. With a symmetrical moveset.

... Celebi doesn’t learn Psychic by itself. ... TM. Also doesn’t get Giga Drain by itself. ... TM (duplicated). Shadow Ball? Also TM. And since Celebi’s movepool is as shallow as Keldeo’s, I let it keep Leech Seed. And with Leech Seed and Leftovers, Celebi here was able to easily annihilate Red’s Snorlax despite its Amnesia. EASY!

And there you have it! An easy-ass annihilation of Gold version. ... All you have to do f*ck up the game. At one point, the Dex said that I owned 39 Pokemon. But the Dex only showed me the “owned” icons for 19. Which means, I apparently owned 20 Pokemon that I never saw. ... Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Poor game. But at least “POOKYPOOKY” didn’t appear this time.

#gsrun

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jessielefey · 4 years ago

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Drakengard is kinda like the Legend Of Zelda, if everyone was just the absolute worst. A bunch of terrible people make multiple generations worth of terrible selfish choices, which eventually leads to them apocalypsing their own planet (with an invasion of giant flying cannibal babies, no that makes no more sense in context welcome to Taro's batshit storytelling), which leads to them accidentally apocalypsing *our* literal actual earth, thanks to Japan also making a terrible catastrophic unnecessary choice, and humanity going extinct because of a cascade failure of unforeseen circumstances in the only game in the whole series that feels like an actual heartbreaking tragedy instead of some kind of black farce, and being replaced by a culture built from the remains of the robots we built to help us fix it. Who then also frigging extinction eventing *themselves* in yet another series of terrible unnecessary catastrophic choices.

It'd be really depressing if it wasn't so funny, but Taro is very good at keeping it bleakly hilarious. Most games have a very Metal Gear if it was Berserk feel. Even nier, the actual tragic earnest one, has an entire running joke about stupid side quests where the characters all but berate you the player directly for boring them with pointless filler quests. The writing really is unfairly good for what's basically a series of sadistic acid-fueled shitposts in computer game form.

Drakengard 3 is Taro at his most pure, like, unhinged Rick And Morty. I won't tell you the whole plot, because there's a full forth wall break about halfway through that near drives Zero to an existential crisis before she remembers she's Zero and doesn't give a fuck, which is amazing. But your protagonist is Zero, the Princess Zelda of the story, if Zelda had the mouth of Trevor Belmont, the fighting skills of She-ra, the sex drive of a Witcher, and the personality of Rocket Raccoon if Marvel let him fuck. She's got a little literal-baby dragon as a sidekick for Reasons, who like baby Groot both is and is not the adult dragon partner Zero started out with who died earlier. They are trying to kill all Zero's sisters (who are less sisters and more like, um, if Pink Diamond could've split herself into horcruxes that became their own individual gems, instead of becoming Rose Quartz). Zero and her sisters are called Intoners, which is kinda like being bardic mages amped up to divine levels. In order to keep their magic intact, for Yoko Taro without someone telling him no Reasons, they each have a sex slave/soul mate/familiar. (But don't worry, it's... it's the least sexy sex focused plot I've ever seen; nothing happens on screen and it's blown into such like vaudeville camp levels as Zero goes around collecting the boys like a tsundere pokemon trainer that if I found out Taro is ace and just finds sex hilarious as a concept I would not be shocked).

Here's Mikhail and Zero.

youtube

If Eda gave this exact speech at some point, I wouldn't even blink.

youtube

And here's Octa's introduction. He's basically Gruncle Stan if Disney let him say and do the fuck. He is a pervy pervy old man, but in a way that's actually funny for a once, I think because the advances are welcomed. YMMV tho, he is the least favourite of the Disciples in fandom so far as I can tell, and I get why.

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If you're bored and you just wanna explore Drakengard 3, this is my favourite let's player's playthrough. He's played the whole series so he's really good at pointing out references and explaining inter-game connections.

And tangentially this screenshot LP of the first game is legitimately an iconic and historically significant piece of web 1.0 meme culture and early let's plays, and also single-handedly the funniest shit I have ever read. I will literally sometimes do live readings of it, in a way I only ever do with it and the lolcat bible, because it's even funnier read out loud. If you want to actually get into the Drakengard franchise, starting here and reading this dude's LPs of the games in release order is still how I recommend people do it, and the LP series itself starts making its own meta-lore and I'm a sucker for that meta nonsense. It's very long though, ymmv depending on how well/fast you can read what's basically doorstop novels.

I just had a long thought train that eventually derailed itself on 'King is related to Michael the dragon from Drakengard 3". And now I want Eda and Zero to hang out. The profanity dropped would be such that the fabric of reality starts to unravel like the fuck episode of South Park. Eda could have a good night with one of the bird boys. Given her previous taste in husbands, Octa obviously.

And I'm choosing to make all that your problem now, enjoy!

I don't know a ton about Drakengard, but now I wanna know more 'cause Eda is really fun to imagine interacting with various characters. She just has such a distinct personality.

#you unlocked a dormant hyperfixation my apologies/condolences #I really should be sleeping but I'm chicken pecking an essay out on the gd touchscreen keyboard #//laugh//#Youtube

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chinigan · 8 years ago

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WHOO BOY HERE WE GO

I was tagged by @game-of-grump What a cool dude y’all should go follow them

Rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people (THAT’S A LOT OF STATEMENTS)

The last: (1) drink: lemon lime water (drink that agua kids) (2) phone call: my mum like last week cause i lost her in town (3) text message: LMAO I don’t actually text much I’m p/ sure the last text I sent was in like july or something i do not remember (4) song you listened to: Imaginary Parties by Superfruit (Y’ALL IT’S SUCH A JAM LISTEN TO IT) (5) time you cried: sometime last week? or this week... whenever I posted about crying at the past 3 things I watched and that I bet I would cry at despicable me 3 (i didn’t) (6) dated somebody twice: I think once when I was like 16 so young and stupid and thought he deserved a second chance (LMAO NAH) (7)kissed someone and regretted it: Again, I was young and stupid (probably around 16-17 too) (8)have been cheated on: not that I’m aware of, never happened (9)lost someone special: Several. (10)been depressed: since I was born till right this second lmao (11)gotten drunk and thrown up: uuuuuh sometime last year at uni (I remember nothing from that night to this day) (12) favourite colours to wear: Grey (13) Black (14) White (I’ll die for my minimalist aesthetic In The Last Year Have You: (15)made new friends: YES I’m such a slut for making new friends (16)fallen out of love: in terms of fake friends then yes (17)laughed until you cried: u ain’t laughing right if u ain’t crying while doing it (18)found out somebody was talking about you: probably (I’m oblivious to drama that involves me I only live for other peoples drama) (19)met somebody who changed you: probably I can’t think of any one specifically (20)found out who your friends are: my dragon age inquisition crew are the only squad I need now (21)kissed somebody on your Facebook list: yes (22)how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I have 125 facebook friends and I know every single one of them (23)do you have any pets: I HAVE A PERSIAN-TABBY CAT CALLED JASPER AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM (24)do you want to change your name: every day. I do not like my name and am tired of a life time of people saying and spelling it wrong. (25)what did you do for your last birthday: threw a sick party with my house mates at uni (I GOT A PIÑATA AND EVERYTHING) (26)what time did you wake up: 9:30AM (27)what were you doing at midnight: playing dragon age inquisition (28)name something you can’t wait for: HALLOWEEN (29)when was the last time you saw your mom: 10 minutes ago (30)what are you listening to rn: this (on repeat because reasons) (31)have you ever talked to somebody named Tom: Buddy, have you ever talked to 4 Tom’s at once? Cause I have and it’s a wild ride (32)something that gets on your nerves: Fuckin.... shitty loud kids on planes/trains/any transport that is typically quiet (33)most visited website: probably a tie between tumblr and youtube (34)hair color: black/grey fade (35)long or short hair: short af (36)do you have a crush on somebody: more like do I want to crush somebody (37)what do you like about yourself: my art cause FUCK if I haven’t improved so much from the shitty invader zim drawings I used to do in science class (38)piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but neeldlephobia got the better of me so they healed up (39)blood type: O something (I forgot if it’s neg or pos) (40)nickname: sket, foghorn (lovingly given by my uni housemates) (42)relationship status: taken (43)zodiac: taurus bby (44)pronouns: man idgaf u can refer to me as a potato for all I care lmao (45)favorite tv shows: literally anything with richard horvitz, rick and morty, Endeavor, it’s to late to think of any other but cartoons. (46)tattoos: 3! (47)right or left handed: right handed (48)surgery: nope! (I’ve had a lumbar puncture tho (not surgery)) (49)piercing: none (50)sport: when I was younger... I used to be on a badminton team, netball team, hockey team, lacross team, I used to be so active (then video games happened) (51)vacation: in terms of where I’ve been? Italy, France, Egypt, Bahrain (I think thats it??? ? ? ?) (52)pair of trainers: do I own any??? no. I have skate shoes so close enough (53)eating: dark mint kit kat (54)fav drink: Irn Bru (it’s in my blood) (55)what you’re up to: watching youtube shit posts cause fuck sleep (56)waiting for: the sweet embrace of death (57)want: more PS4 games but I’m poor (58)get married: LMAO NO (59) career: catch me in 2020 on the lead animator credits for minions 2 (I’m joking, but I do want to work for illumination) (60)hugs or kisses: hug me bitch (61)lips or eyes: eyes (62)shorter or taller: idgaf (63)older or younger: eeeeehhhhh probably older if I really had to pick one (64)nice arms or stomach: arms (65)hook up or relationship: idc (66)troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (67)kissed a stranger: absolutely not (68)drank hard liquor: of course (69)lost glases/contact lenses: lost/broken/damaged glasses (70)turned someone down: yea (71)sex in the first date: NAH MAN U CAN’T BREAK THE ACE SPACE (72)broke someone’s heart: I have (I still feel bad about it) (73)had your heart broken: more than once (74)been arrested: nope (75)cried when someone died: like a bitch (76)fallen for a friend: yes Do You Believe In: (77)yourself: not really (78)miracles: sometimes (79)love at first sight: no (80) Santa Claus: of course (81) kiss on the first date: eeeehhh idk I’d judge that individually (82) angels: yes Other: (83)current best friends names: Sarah, Josh, Dan, Jak (84)eye color: hazel/green (85) favorite movie: animated: who framed roger rabbit (partially animated?) or the book of life non-animated: the pitch perfect seires (GIVE ME THE 3RD ONE ALREADY)

whooo boy that took a while

I don’t think I can tag 20 people so I’ll tag 10 and if you want to do it but haven’t been tagged this is me telling u to do it (but u don’t have to if you don’t want to! it’s a lot to work through: @i-love-my-corner @rottenplantt @markimoot @birdurer @insaincat @grumpykramer @avidaddy @avibang-bang @gigglygrumps @amirrorcalledthemoon

#long post #chin talks #whoOOO Y'ALL JUST LEARNED A LOT ABOUT ME

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rawrzimon · 8 years ago

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30 Random Things About Me

I was tagged by @hansaera, @ethadahlen and @ellstersmash ! ! Thank you all! :D Nickname: Chey, Zim, Chey-Chey Name: Cheyenne (Pronounced Shy-An) Gender: Female Star sign: Cancer Height: 5’7″ Time: 8:35 PM Birthday: June 23rd Fav Band: Hm. That’s a hard one. Maybe KISS, or Bruno Mars if you consider him and his band a ‘band’ versus Solo Artist Fav Solo Artist: LP. Hands down, Song Stuck in My Head: Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw Last Movie I Watched: The Dark Tower Last Show I Watched: Rick and Morty [I’m Pickle Rick, BITCH!] When I Created My Blog: 2015, Actively started using it February 2017 What I Post: A mixture of Dragon Age, RuPauls Drag Race, random childhood shit, my own work doodles, and writing. Last Thing Googled: “Can you use EVOO instead of vegetable oil”. I made brownies. Have Other Blogs: Nope! Haven’t gotten there yet. Get Asks: Yes! Sometimes! Sometimes when @fadedforyou thinks she is slick ;) Blog Name Choice: It’s my gamertag on everything. It was literally me making a combination of sounds with my mouth that sounded like Pokemon until I made it. Blogs Following: 494 Followers: 142 (<3 you alllllll) Fav Colour: Purple Average Hours of Sleep: 7-8 Lucky Number: 23? Instruments: Tuba, it’s been -years- though. Wearing: A pikachu tank top with a pair of jeans How Many Blankets: Just a blanket I stole from my past job >:D Dream Job: Writer of YA Fantasy series, or a Nurse Practitioner for the LGBT population in a major city. Dream Trip: Back to Europe, or Sweden. You know. For reasons. <3 Fav Food: I’m a basic bitch. PEPPERONI PIZZA. Nationality: Native American/Caucasian Fav Song: Probably I 2 I from a Goofy Movie. I’m going to taaaaggg @laskulls, @fenedhis-lasa-sera, @theladydreadwolf, @amee99, @fadedforyou, @elfsplaining, @liaragaming, @bearly-tolerable, @the-stray-liger, @katalyna-rose, @the-queen-of-thedas, @the-tevinter-biscuit, and @the-emerald-halla!! And of course whoever wants to do this. :)

#personal #not da #rawrroars #thanks for the tags babes!#you're all lovely #I smooch

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quantumkris · 7 years ago

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Rules: Tag nine people with excellent taste.

Tagged by: @severeinfatuation

Colors: The two best colors for me are both Green and Hot pink. Ever since I was born I’ve always loved green and I honestly have no idea why. It brings me feelings of mental freedom and happiness (I guess because it pertains to nature probably). And hot pink because in my mind it represents comfort, support, and my place of euphoria; eden. It’s a color that when I look at it in any format, I receive feelings and thoughts of comfort and love, and while though a rarity for me, it still comes somewhat.

Last band t-shirt I bought: I never really have “bought” any band shirts. The closest is of ACDC, but I don’t listen to them so I wouldn’t count it <)’-’)>

Last band I saw live: I don’t have the social confidence to even try to go to a live concert in the first place, let alone it probably triggering sensory overload, which wouldn’t be a good thing. Just ain’t meant for concerts, I’m not one of those people that can go to parties and or loudly packed places and come out of it having had fun.

Last song I listened too: Eden - Take Care. Eden when I first discovered him, honestly was a big stepping stone to have me express and open my locked away emotions. From the first song I listened to of his, Statues, I honestly broke down into tears and had cried for hours on end. It wasn’t just the lyrics that caused it, it was the frequencies, how the song sounded, how they traveled through more than just my ears. Ever since then, every single one and all of his songs and future releases would impact my emotional output. Take Care is the most recent one that had the same sort of reaction from Statues, strong emotions coming from it. It’s even more evident as before I even found Eden, I rarely ever showed any “strong” emotions. I never cried on the outside as for parental upbringing, but again, after discovering, all of that went out the window and even today I still tear up to his songs. They’re truly connective with my body and soul, and I can confidently say that he is a big reason for why I am able to express emotions much part today.

Last movie I watched: Uhmmmmmmmmm do Anime’s count for this one?.. I hardly watch any “mainstream” movies anymore. But I guess the most recent movie would be of Dragon Ball Super: Battle of Gods. Oh my fucking god was it pure art that movie. 17 years after Dragon Ball had been produced and THIS IS WHAT THEY COME BACK WITH!? FUCKING YASSSSSSSS. Dragon Ball in of itself is a unique cartoon as it gives me so much stimulation and goosebump type feelings when watching it. This movie was no exception It was just ughh, amazing and perfect.

Fun fact for Dragon Ball btw, it’s the only anime of which I will ever watch in Dub format as I live for the screams of it. The Japanese just.. don’t bring the goosebumps as the English actors do like Sean Schemmel and Chris Sarbat <(’-’(>

Last three tv shows I watched: Again, I don’t really watch too much of T.V. anymore, but going back a few years, I would have to say Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty, and actually Code Name Kids Nextdoor as I recently have been binge watching it just for nostalgic purposes. Gravity Falls ending made me so fucking depressed let me tell you. If Disney were to bring it back for a 3rd season, I would put my college savings into that damn show JUST AS A DONATION AND THANK YOU OOOFFF. And Rick And Morty, it peaks my Physics and Philosophy interest honestly. I love the profound laws and logistics of the show. Fuck the memes and reputation of it, I don’t follow the “community” I follow the show.

Last three characters I identified with: Mmmmmmmmmmmm you can be pissy with me but I’m going to MOSTLY stick to Anime for this one just to make my life easier (つ'ヮ')つ.

Top 3 here starting with #1 (not anime surprisingly) being August (or Auggie) from the book Wonder. I first picked out and read this book alllllllll the way back in the 7th grade, and today I still re-read this book. And with the movie representation of it just having come out recently, I re-read it for maybe the 8th time now. I still love it so so much. The reason why I am literally August in almost all aspects is that he is a character who was born with a facial deformity (I was born with a mental disability, Autism). Through his first years of life, he had to have ~27 surgeries to try to “fix his face” (in my first years I had to go to the doctors several times for them to run tests on me in order to diagnose my Autism). He also was isolated from public schools because no kid could look at him without being scared shitless and fearful of him, so he was homeschooled (I wasn’t ever homeschooled, but I went through the same thing in public school. Being isolated, left alone, and just having myself). I don’t want to spoil the end of the book, but the ending also HUGELY relates to my life in more recent years, so if you know me well enough then you can connect some dots there. But I’d still suggest just reading the book ;D

2nd would have to be Violet Evergarden from the Anime of that same name. Yes.. it’s weird that Miri suggested it to me and I put her as my 2nd, but I already had it in my to watch and just forgot about it ITS DESTINY OKAY DONT OVERTHINK IT. But with Violet, just how I described with Eden and my lack of emotions, is a perfect mirrored version of me when I was younger. Not on the kind of “robotic” standpoint of her exactly, but in the sense of how she doesn’t understand them. Sure, I knew happiness and sadness and emotions like that back then, but more “out there” ones like Sympathy and Empathy to be specific enough. With me not having those two, mostly because of my Autism, I, by no exaggeration at all, had no care for human life at all. I did not care if someone was hurt, I did not react when someone had gotten angry at me, and even to my own mother, I didn’t react when she got injured or anything. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t react, I simply did not know how to or why I had to. My brain literally could not process a response when Sympathy or Empathy came into play. I would freeze, which in a sense, yes, made me seem like an asshole or psychopath, but it was truly just me at the time. No I didn’t blame my Mild Autism because I knew it didn’t control me, I knew i could branch out from it. And looking back on that today, I obviously did. Obviously now I care about people, I know how to react in situations, and more recently than not, I know how to help people in emotional distress than most people. I actually use this helping as a source of bringing up some self-esteem. Knowing that I’m able to help people with something that my past self could NEVER do is amazing. I literally have 2 close friends that say call me their counselor because I know how to talk to them so well. Only now am I just understanding and applying these two things, but hey, I had a bad start (◞‸◟；)

and the 3rd character would have to be Meliodas from The Seven Deadly Sins. This character honestly is my happy and loopy side of me that doesn’t often come out. While it’s only when I'm comfortable with people that this side of me comes out on, Meliodas reallyyy hits the nail on the head. He’s humorous, jokes around in a more.. kinky matter, to which I do this also, but again, wouldn’t know that if i wasn’t comfortable with the people I’d be talking to <)’-’)>. And he also has his protective manner, to which I’m the same exact way with my friends, family, or significant other (if I were to have one). Most times I may think on myself as a burden for how I check on my friends, but I mean if they weren’t okay with it then they would say something, so I always have to tell myself that anyway.

Book(s) I’m currently reading: Currently reading 3 books for my Philosophy class: The Joy of X (a book of math and reallyyyyyy taking it home with how amazing the conceptualization of math is. And with my nerdy ass, why wouldn't I loveeeee it). And Man is The Measure (Basically a pure philosophical book that goes layers and layers deep into several subjects such as Metaphysics, reasoning, perception, and so on). Even with having those 2 books for class purposes to read, I still fucking LOVE THEM TO DEATH. The 3rd one is a book that my Grandpa had given to me when I was literally 6 years old. He basically told me when he gave it to read it when I'm in high school. The book is called UFO’s and the Unified Field and is a pure Physics book. The weird thing about this is that I didn’t get into physics until I was 9, so how did my grandpa KNOW that I would love this book in highschools time!? My explanation: Destiny (っ^◡^)っ ❤️

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chadpetersondatingblog · 7 years ago

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Stop Hating Myself?

Hey Doc, long time reader, first time poster. I’m 20 years old and my MAJOR problem is that I am a badly socialized spiteful thrall of technology (or asshole) Needless to say I am disappointed by this to say the least. Shit I’m average and VERY replaceable as far as humans go. When I say very replaceable I mean I am nothing more than student droid 553471. No defining features and modesty works against me as I see myself as a machine, a tool to produce results but I HATE the entire concept of love. I wish that I could become a techpriest doc, i really do.

So anyway, the women in my town do not interest me.

Bars are OK, not a fan of the Saturday night crowd who get blitzed and start fights. Nightclubs, fuck that I went to quite a few and I dislike them immensely. I am quite out of shape and am working out at home until I can be in shape enough to do team sports (if I am to do team sports I should be in shape enough to make a fucking difference, not puking after running 5 feet. Hang out at my local game store a lot, that’s all cool and i enjoy it, not so great for women but i knew the score there. Conventions at my town fucking suck and are tiny. University, I have SUCH a hatred for communism that will be an instant deal-breaker, also computer science student so I’m at a disadvantage there. I kind of have NO idea of what to do in the real world, if that makes sense, my world is a virtual one and often I wish I could be converted into a tech-priest so I will never have to deal with flesh matters.

Seems that my decisions are powered by hate mostly, I hate communists, I hate hippies, I hate art students, I hate vegans, I support factory farming and would happily demolish a thousand forests to replace them with factories.

I also have such a low opinion of people I am constantly expecting them to stab me in the back or ruin my chances at a career just because they can. Sometimes my anger fades and I receive clarity of my thrall nature.

I genuinely expect women to pass me by and I fully expect them to only humor me to punish me later. Fuck doc, the Tropico 1 soundtrack is the only thing keeping me from thrashing around at my computer desk here.

This is not a question of ‘why don’t girls like me’, its because i’m an simmering angry negative asshole who hasn’t been socialized properly.

I know that this path will not lead to a good place. I have a limited amount of friends, no ones that can introduce me to girls as the friends I’m most active with are the weird-but-fun guys at the game store and my friends that could have led me to women I have fallen away from (moved away and laziness led me to stop talking to them).

I’m fucking 20 now doc, and that is young and I don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground. I have achieved nothing and if my hate continues I will end up far older with way more problems. Time waits for no one and even Time Lords rot.

Therapy is a darned option, I am putting this here so you will not need to.

Yours Sincerely

BalefulEye

You may have put it your letter BE, but I’m going to say it anyway: more than anything else, you need to be talking to a therapist. A therapist is going to be able to provide you with more, long term support and help you develop the skills you need to overcome your anger, than a loudmouth with a blog. The issues you have are deep and entrenched and some of them may be chemical in nature, which will require medication to alleviate. So before anything else, you need to get your ass into therapy. And I mean booking sessions with a qualified professional, not just guided exercises like MoodGym. You need to be working with someone who’ll keep you accountable and call you on your shit.

But whether you do talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, medication or any combination of the above… the issue isn’t that you hate other people because frankly… I don’t think you do. I think you hate yourself and that hate is directed outwards so that you push people away from you. It’s a supremely fucked up way of both protecting yourself and punishing yourself. On the one hand, by being this angry ball of hate, you keep people at a distance so they can never get close enough to hurt you. But at the same time… you’re also deliberately pushing away people who might want to help you. People who might be your friends. But you don’t believe that you deserve friends. You’re not worthy of them or of help. And so… you push them away. You put on this snarling dog persona and snap at people and say provocative things because you believe you’re a pile of shit and don’t deserve anything in your life. You know you’re miserable and that’s good because fuck you that’s why.

Part of it is that you know you’re smart. And as much as I hate to quote TV shows at people looking for advice (actually that’s a lie, I do it all the fucking time), I’m gonna quote some Rick and Morty at you. Because you know you’re intelligent. But you also use that intelligence as your excuse to justify sickness. And in this case, that sickness is the self-hate that you’re letting fester at your core. It’s really easy to come up with reasons for it. You’re smart, you should already be doing better, you should be further along, you shouldn’t be a fat lonely CS student and look at all these other fucking people thinking they’re so happy when they’ve got things you’d kill for and FUCK THEM because they’re happy and you’re not.

And here’s the really fucked up part: you’re also going to fight any changes to get better. Not just because being misery is a way of punishing yourself for your perceived and imaginary sins, but because, quite frankly, not feeling this way is fucking terrifying. It may be miserable. You may be lonely and hate yourself and wish the world would just compress into a singularity… but it’s what you know. Just like you’re terrified of the real world. The virtual world may be leaving you feeling empty and hollow – and I suspect it’s reinforcing some of your issues – but you know it. The real world, as much as you know you can’t avoid it, is scary because it has rules that you haven’t mastered, corners you haven’t explored. Here there don’t just be dragons, there be people, people you can’t just ignore, killfile, block, mute or otherwise shape into what you want.

But you know this has to change. You wouldn’t have written to me if you didn’t want to change. And to a certain extent, I think you’re asking for permission to actually start fixing things.

So while you find a therapist – and Captain Awkward has a couple great posts about doing just that – here’s what I want you to do.

First: I want you to start focusing on getting your asshole brain under control. You know the one I mean: it’s the one that’s dripping poison in your ear and telling you that you’re worthless, that people are just waiting for opportunities to hurt you and you’ll never amount to anything. You’re going to do this by simply being a bit more mindful. I know it’s trendy to recommend things like mindfulness meditation for everything and it has the patchouli stink of the hippies and vegans you hate… it’s perfect for what you want. All you want to do is simply get a handle on your brain and feel things clearly and deliberately, instead of reflexively and impulsively.

You’re just going to sit in a chair, with your back straight, your feet flat on the ground and your hands in your lap, close your eyes and breathe. All you’re going to do is pay attention to your breathing. Just focus on the sensations of your breath going in, your lungs expanding, then contracting and exhaling. This will be insanely difficult. Your brain will go off on a thousand tangents, with at least half of them saying “this is stupid, this is bullshit, what am I doing?” That’s fine. That happens to everyone. When – not if, when – it happens, note those thoughts. Literally “Ok, here’s a thought.” And once you’ve noted that you’re having thoughts… go back to focusing on your breathing. That’s all you do. Sit, close your eyes, focus and refocus on your breathing. Do this for ten minutes every day. It’ll help calm the storms in your head.

(If you’re interested in more about this, you may want to check out 10% Happier by Dan Harris.)

Second: You’re going to stop beating yourself up about where you “should” be in life or what you “ought to be” doing or any of the rest of that. You are going to excise “should” from your vocabulary. There is no “should”, there is just “is”. “Should” is a value judgement based on bullshit. “Should” is part of stealing your contentment from you. “Should” is the cudgel that you’re using to pound yourself in the nuts. You are where you are right now. There are places where you would like to be. But there is no place you should be. Your journey is uniquely your own and trying to force it to a specific timeline or itinerary is going to keep you miserable.

Third: You’re going to embrace imperfection. Right now, you’re using the idea of not being able to do something properly as the reason to not do it.

Case in point: team sports. You want to do team sports? Fine, go do team sports. Stop waiting, stop delaying and stop isolating yourself in the name of eventually joining others. You’re using the fact that you’re out of shape as an excuse to not do what you want to do, and I am here from the future to tell you that you will never reach a point where you think you’re “ready,” because being out of shape is an excuse. As soon as you’re in shape, you’ll say you can’t join because you’ve never played before so you need to learn how to play before you can joint a team. Once you learn how to play, you’ll say that you don’t know how to play with a group so now you can’t.

So fuck it. Start playing now. Except you’re going to shift your intentions. You’re not worried about “contributing” – another excuse you’re using to not do something, another flogger you use to flagellate yourself – you’re participating. Find the leagues that aren’t there for the competition but for the fun of it. It may be an amateur softball league. It may be bowling. It could be kickball. You want to find the people who are just there to have a good time, hang out with their teammates and play some games. Not only will this take the “should” out – again – but it’ll mean that you’ll get in shape faster and more efficiently. It’s far easier to stick to exercise that you actively enjoy instead of things that you have to force yourself into.

Yeah, you won’t be very good. Fuck it. The fact that you’re doing it at all is a victory. It’s proof that you can do more than your shitty, asshole brain tells you that you can. You don’t need to excel. You just need those tiny victories. Let yourself suck at it… just so long as you’re having fun and playing with people who are there to have fun. You can join the more serious teams later on when you’ve leveled up.

Fourth: You’re going to get off the computers. Remember what I said about your virtual world making things worse? This is part of it. I can hear the edgelord in your letter, and it’s pretty clear to me that you’re spending your time in corners of the Internet where people gather mostly to stew in their anger and hate. I don’t care if it’s Reddit, Voat, 4chan, Gab, Slack or just the people you follow on Twitter. The more you expose yourself to other negative, angry people, the more your own anger and self-loathing gets reinforced. The more you listen to people who tell you that you’re a worthless pile of shit, the more you believe you’re a worthless pile of shit. The more people tell you that you shouldn’t be happy… well, even if you don’t believe them, that shit sinks in and steals your joy. Cut it from your life as much as possible.

Yeah, yeah, safe spaces, snowflakes, etc. I’ve heard all of it before and frankly, those are the words thrown around by people who are literally afraid of silence. They dress their fear up as bravery and iconoclasm – I’m so tough I tell it like it is, I’m not afraid of harsh truths – because if they stop yelling for five seconds, they’ll be confronted by their own thoughts. Rolling around in anger and misery doesn’t mean that you’re smart, it means you’re in pain. Surrounding yourself with vitriol doesn’t mean you’re tough. It just means you’re hiding from yourself. You become like a shark, constantly moving and thrashing because stopping means ego-death. It means listening to all the things you’ve been trying to block out.

But here’s the thing about those safe spaces: they’re an oasis of calm. They’re a balm to your anxiety, a cool hand to a fevered forehead. They’re moments when you don’t have to have your shields up, when you’re not getting blasted by a cacophony of bullshit. And whether it’s just for a few minutes, an hour or longer… you’re calm. You’re at peace. You’re in a place where you can just be, recharge your batteries and let go of every tense muscle and relax.

So you need to dial the fuck back on where you’re spending time in your virtual world, with all of your fellow travellers who want you to be just as miserable and angry as they are. I suspect that you’ll find that some of your anger and rage subsides.

Fifth: You’re going to find something meaningful and pursue it. It doesn’t need to be practical. It just has to be something that speaks to your very soul. It could be anything – you might volunteer to walk the dogs at a pet shelter, you might plant a garden, you might take up painting or learning an instrument even if you never master it. It doesn’t matter what it is – it just has to be something you do in physical space, something that doesn’t harm anyone (including you) and that brings fulfillment to your soul. One of your issues right now is that you don’t have anything that you want or that you live for. Well now’s your chance. You’re going to start doing something – anything – that has meaning for you. What meaning? That’s up to you to decide.

Don’t know what it is? That’s fine. That means it’s time to explore and figure it out. You’ve got all the time in the world.

Sixth: This may be one of the hardest parts, but it’s also the most important. You’re going to forgive yourself.

You need to forgive yourself for all those sins that you feel are weighing you down. You need to forgive yourself for the anger that’s taken root in you and for the ways you’re disappointed in yourself. You need to forgive yourself for all the things that you feel like you should have done by now but haven’t and also for using those achievements as a yardstick to measure your “failure”. You need to forgive yourself for the pain you’ve caused yourself. You need to forgive yourself for “being average” and for the time that you feel like you’ve wasted getting here. And when you and your therapist reach your breakthroughs and you start clawing your way out of that hole – and you will get there – then you need to forgive yourself for the time that it took to finally take the steps that got you there.

I’m not going to lie to you, BE. You’ve got a lot to work through and you’re in a position that’s really fucking hard to pull yourself out from.

But I’m here to tell you: it can be done. You can do it. You have the strength. You have the courage and you have the ability. You just need to take that first step.

It’s going to be a long and hard road. It is going to suck like few things have sucked before. But the journey will be worth it and the destination even moreso.

You’re going to be ok. I promise.

All will be well.

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