#like he has name but yall aint gonna know who im talking about

[empty-flat-n-lonely-bys]

hm

[highrollersrolls]

Opinions on ALL of the cog managers and i guess the higher ups

(this is gonna be long folks so just sit tight with it) *was given the list of literally everyone by the creator of this account* lets starteth off with skelecogs i suppose.. ...factory foreman, eh they cool since they with the VP and everythineth Mint supervisors are a bit...strict... Head attorney, their silly i like themeth :D Club president...i'd honestly care less about em..sorryeth hmm.. William Boar is uh...ok i suppose...he's hard on the outside and soft in the insideth

Alton is also silly me like em a loteth :D he's a sweetheart if you aint a toon..

Winston is also silly, i try to take care of em since he needs that love and comforteth and he's a bit like me neutral with toonseth

Tawney is just very sleep so i dont know much about em..

Spruce however is how i know about chip!..he's a cool guy as well always teaching me about the wild lifeth

Flint is..hot NOT IN THAT WAY but liketh he's literally fire..i also cant be around em much since my feathers are flammable...but he's alright i guess..again i dont know much about someth managers so bare with me

Belle, is a sweetheart if i had parents i would visit her a lot shes so niceth makes my tail wag honestly ^^

Ben...the british, im honestly fine with em he makes some good tea in my opinioneth

Holly, i dont really know about so i dont really have anything to say about her..

Mary, is very sweet yet protective i can tell she careseth about the cogs and her boardbot employees

(we aint gonna talk about buck because its gonna be VERY confusing to yall about my HR headcanon lol, unless ya really wanna know then ya know what to do)

(same goes to dave)

Brian...oh dont even start...i fucketh hate him..yea he knows a lot about stuff but...he's strict and egotistic and i honestly want flint to light him on fireth...wait thats a good idea..thats going into my show idea book!

Misty, honestly i love her..platonically she's so sensitive but she's such a sweetheart i feel bad for what happened with her..and now she probably has some built up trauma...with her and bessie..

Prester, honestly i like em, just because of how he takes his job seriously, THAT AND HE KICKS ASSETH!! LIKE COME ON MAN HE'S COOL!!

Cathal..i dont really know about much besides that he's the VP's soneth

Cosmo..again i dont really know about em and his satellite investors..i just know he's short like the chairman..very..very....puntable...

Ch-chip..eheh..um..i-i like em...only a little YEA JUST A LITTLE!! hehe..dear god im having difficulties explaining why...you know what lets just skip my opinions on chip...

Graham, i also dont really know much about i just know that flint is with graham and graham is also egotisticeth...so lets just assume i also hateth him..

now the..i suppose "scary" teameth... *clears throat*

Mundle..scary honestly, not much a fan of gators..dont know much about em nor do i want too..

Courtney..im sorry but who the fucketh names a cog courtney...its like naming a newborn toon Karen...or Caroline..like what the fucketh?? i know sometimes i dont fucketh with the law but..why? just why?...anyways i dont have opinions on her much

Barry, just reminds me if he was the principle in the school house, but other than that no opinionseth on em

Kilo, honesty i know he's a grown goat but he acts like a brat and or a bully and i dont really like em, in other words...he can go fucketh himself...

now before we get into the 'higher ups' as yall sayeth im gonna put my opinions on the other 2 contractors..

Count Erclaim..eh i dont really get a long with vampires..same with his brother..Count Erfit, as much as they are buff and swole, i dont really give two flying fuckseth about them two honestly i just see them more as competition and enemys..them 2 can also die in a ditcheth for all i care..

i know the rest of these contractors are no more..unfortunately..i still wanna talk about em..whether they went somewhere or they got scrapped by cogs inc and turned intoeth something else...

Redd H. Wing i really do miss, he was a great friend of mine..until they disappeared...god i miss them..i wish he was here again..

Sads i dont really know what they were referencing from but.. all he ever did was make constant puns and it was annoying..i can only handle a few jokes and puns but not it being constant..

the Witness Stand-in was also a cool guy its unfortunate that he's scrapped though and made into probably someone else..he was a cool skelecog to hang out with at the bar..its sadeth that he's gone now...

Clerk i didnt really know much about so no opinion on em

ah yes..both of the directors of public relations and land acquisition, i mean technically their still here their just managers and not contractors anymoreth so i still get to hang out with em even if their just managers

now for what all of you have been waiting for..my opinioneth on the 'higher ups'!!

Allan is a cool guy, i know he takes pride in his work but other than that he's a chilleth guy i like em he's just like..he makes the sellbots have it easy ya know and i like that..i'd rather see cogs enjoy their work than seeing them stressed and suffer during their work ya know?

Chris is uh..a greedy son of a bitcheth the truth had to be said sorry, but ya are a greedy son of a bitch, Chris..however he is the one that manages the money sooo, he's a greedy son of a bitcheth but he's useful..so i'll deal with it i suppose..

..Diane..me and Diane do not mix well..now i try not to fucketh with the law but...she's strict as hell..i dont really vibe with her..now if i were to go to court i would win, if i were to go to jail i would escapeth...im not saying jack on how thougheth...

Craig can go suck a dicketh in my opinion he's a straight on bitch, i dont give a shit if HES FUCKING "USEFUL" OR NOT HE CAN GO DIE FOR ALL I CARE GOD I FUCKING HATE HIM!!..sorry anger got to me..

now the best for last..

Robert Cyger..i also hate him a fucketh ton but he is very puntable and that is the only thingeth i like about em is that he is short and very easy to kick, like a football if you willeth

that was a lot..now excuse me im gonna go drink something so my throat can heal..from all me talkin..

[borathae]

Chapter 8

You had the silliest stories for every kind of bird and its melodies. I WOULD LOVE TO TALK WITH HER

oh yeah waking up to chickens sounds is really great and nostalgic, my grandma and aunt has soo many chickens and roosters, its always buq buc qkoo (im sorry lol u get what i mean)

again she is really disoriented about her location again whats going on in the mansion

she shouldn't leave the wing??? hmm thats sus, will jimin or joon do something??? like last time???

he is a time traveller. YES SIS IS CONNECTING THEM DOTS YEEHAW

“No, don’t be stupid”, you say, giving your own cheek a little slap. theory time, you hit yourself for stuff like these when your self-esteem is really low ALSO NO U AINT STUPID

see he is sus very sus How very nice of him, you really weren’t in the mood for such conversation. ok i take that back u are (not) stupid

You have an entire library all to yourself. YEEHAW LETS GO BABY A majority of his books seemed to carry the weight of many years with them. I wonder why, 👀 THE SMELL OF BOOKS AAA YUM

A photographer named Vante. oh ho ho HOO very mysterious indeed It is a pity really, you would have loved to know the face to those pictures who's gonna tell her

reading and learning with kissing will definitely escalate to something else haha

this house is very distracting and not at all helping with her concentration. whats going on yall, where the hell is tae

They are most definitely busy with something else, maybe riding their horses or doing whatever one does in such a big estate. haha

oh no, now she is hungry and has to go downstairs shit im so nervous and worried

blood red curtains?? 👀 also im loving this creepy mansion yay she found the kitchen THANK GOD THERE IS NO ONE THERE

did she find the garbage bin

no dishes, dusty kettle, empty cupboard, no sauces and SWITCHED OFF FRIDGE???? thats very weird, dont they eat or what 👀im running out bye, whats a taehyung????

AH WHO IS IT PLEASE NOT JIMIN FUCK ITS JIMIN

oooh we have been scented i see

taetae uwuw who said i wanted to leave haha

OK I TAKE THAT BACK I WANNA LEAVE WHAT IS HE DOING ofc his usual shenanigans

Taehyung is the time traveller and Jimin is the witcher, equipped with powers of seduction. PERIOD BOO AND YES SHE ASKED ABOUT HIS ACTIONS

HWAT IS HE DOING LEAVE ME ALONE 🤺 BACK AWAY🤺 BACK THE FUCK AWAY I SAID 🤺

would you mind handing me that knife over there?” NO HE IS GOING TO IDK KILL U le gasp he sucked our blood

TAEHYUNG OMG THANKS, little human??? 👀👀 back to the room i guess WITH NO BREAKFAST * side eyes jimin

ok so the besties fought each other physically, great WOW CHILL she got hungry unlike some of yall 👀

STOP MANIPULATING ME GOD DAMN IT AAAH ok the questions are coming yes goo go go YES HE ADMITTED IT

idk if i want her to go home or ask more questions GO HOME AND SLEEP AND DONT GIVE 2 FLYING FUCKS but that wont write the plot so stay

anyways this chapter was short, but felt lengthy from all the emotional roller coaster haha it was fun and i loved the library a lot

bye im gonna sleep, hope u have a great day/night with pillow cold on both sides

You had the silliest stories for every kind of bird and its melodies. I WOULD LOVE TO TALK WITH HER

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

oh yeah waking up to chickens sounds is really great and nostalgic, my grandma and aunt has soo many chickens and roosters, its always buq buc qkoo (im sorry lol u get what i mean)

I know what you mean heheh my grandma and her neighbour both have chickens (actually I'm lying, every second household where I live has chickens hfasdhfh they always run around the roads as if they're invincible)

I also love seeing the confusion rise more and more 👀

“No, don’t be stupid”, you say, giving your own cheek a little slap. theory time, you hit yourself for stuff like these when your self-esteem is really low ALSO NO U AINT STUPID

100% YES I can see her using self-punishment because of trauma tbfh

reading and learning with kissing will definitely escalate to something else haha

lmaoaooa for real JFJADJSFJ lowkey goals tbfh

this house is very distracting and not at all helping with her concentration. whats going on yall, where the hell is tae

the danger is rising tbfh

AH WHO IS IT PLEASE NOT JIMIN FUCK ITS JIMIN

HAHAH the fear of him tbfh so valid

oooh we have been scented i see

lowkey so hot JFJADSJF

HWAT IS HE DOING LEAVE ME ALONE 🤺 BACK AWAY🤺 BACK THE FUCK AWAY I SAID 🤺

me fr

ok so the besties fought each other physically, great WOW CHILL she got hungry unlike some of yall 👀

no but they really punched each other over her I NEED angry Tae tbfh

anyways this chapter was short, but felt lengthy from all the emotional roller coaster haha it was fun and i loved the library a lot

gaah I'm happy you loved the lil journey heheh <3

bye im gonna sleep, hope u have a great day/night with pillow cold on both sides

I hope your pillow is cold too my love <3

[moonystoast1971]

LONG ASS RANT POST ABOUT LILY EVANS (i promise i kept it as enjoyable as possible)

im mad about something (i know shocking wow)

ima preface this but saying im a jegulus/marylily shipper but i can still notice when some of u jily shippers r acting goofy and treating lily evans like a side character in her own romance like yall litterally treating her like a background character whos names forgotten half way thru tell me why when she was hc as this skinny perfect body girl/beauty standard she was beautiful and she knew it, she was confident and she used it, she knew james loved her endlessly and he waited on HER to love HIM but now shes plus sized so shes still beautiful but only in the eyes of james and snape, she doesnt beleive james loves her because shes plus sized which immediately makes her insecure? she spends the whole fic sad and not beleiving james actually loves her so she denies him purely on the basis of that but he spend the whole thing trying to teach her he does love her 🥺🥺🥺 bc thats what all non perfectly skinny women need/want is some man to come tell them their worth bc ofc it couldnt have been noticed bfr him 🥺🥺🥺

honestly grow tf up if u write this its just annoying at this point. also i hate how they all have her as some mindless girl and her only trait is "i have red hair and am the object of james' affection OH AND I CAN DO MATHS AND OCCASIOANLLY SAY SMART THINGS!!! 🤩🤩🤩" like honestly stfu why isnt she allowed as much depth as he is i aint even fw jily but if u gonna do it at least AT FUCKING LEAST do it justice yk?

can we just like talk about Lily for a second like can we appreciate how much depth as a character she has? like drop ur fav lily hc personally i love the hc that lily was raised on a farm I FUCKING LOVE IT AND I CANNOT EXPRESS WHY like it just fits so nicely and i love it BECAUSE LIKE IMAGINE YOUNG LILY AND YOUNG PETUNIA (when they still got on - sadly severus probably would've been there too {yeah so what i dont like him fight me}) PLAYING AROUND THE FARM TOGETHER also meaning lily was an early bird cause she was used to getting up early like taking care of the animals with her parents and shit (specifically her dad bc in my head her and him are very close and she feels like hes the only one in her family who really understands her fully - not to say her mother doesnt shes just closer with her dad so gets more chance to see that) SO THAT BEING SAID when james and sirius are confused about mainstrem muggle things lily is equally as lost as them on certain things but just keeps quiet bc aint no way she lookin as dumb as them 💀

[trashcanfills]

May I please have something with Cassidy and Hanzo where they’re introduced to reader on a mission and reader can’t help but say “woah, you’re hella pretty”

OwO yes this is a very good ask anon I like you. Also Im still dhjdjejss over the name change for the cowboy because of ALL FUCKING NAMES YOU PICK STH THAT SOUNDS THE LEAST COWBOY??? At least make him mcsomething bruh.

Then again if I was called Cole Cassidy and I wanted to be a cowboy I would def call myself Jesse Mcdonalds because it aint cOWBOY ENOUGH.

Now to actually answer the ask

Compliments in First Meeting

Cole Cassidy

“Well, I sure ain’t as pretty as you, sweet thing.” ;)

As soon as you finish saying that phrase, this man will not miss a beat in returning the favor.

Like cmon, Cole Cassidy has a talent with his words. He is def gon be that one smooth motherfucker with dem pickup linea yall.

He does like genuine compliments but won’t be too flustered by them in general unless it’s about something unexpected on himself or beautifully worded. I say this because Cole is a rather attractive looking person himself with a good variety of skillsets, so people HAVE come on to him a lot. As such, he is really experienced with the sweet talk.

That said, after the mission, do be prepared for the cowman to start some harmless flirting with you. Now that he knows you consider him cute in some way, he’s going to try and fluster you in some manner for his own entertainment.

Depending on your response, Cole would either keep on teasing you, or stop if you indicate some form of discomfort. Just be careful not to get a crush on him based solely on these interactions. Lord knows how many people he has to let down because of his charms.

Shimada Hanzo

Scoffs. Rolls his eyes for good measure and tells you to concentrate on the mission.

But if you are observant enough, you miiight notice that his ears are a bit red after that. Hehe xp

Shimada Hanzo, like Cole Cassidy, is one fucking fine specimen of a man. The only difference is how approachable they are. While Cole usually looks very friendly and chill, Hanzo looks incredibly intimidating and judgemental af.

As such, the amount of people who would genuinely compliment Hanzo is almost little to none, because the ones who think he’s hot would be too scared to say that to his resting bitch face, and those who do compliment on his appearance usually are just sucking up to him in some manner.

Hanzo is aware of his good looks. For sure. He was once the heir of the prestigious Shimada clan for god’s sake. With looks, money, status, and competence, this guy was prob like one of the most unattainable bachelors in his youth back when he was still in the clan. I can imagine him getting tons of letters from secret admirers writing literal poetry about his appearance, to which he then dumped into the trash because he didn’t care about crushes then.

So if you actually said that Hanzo’s pretty to his face, he’s gon brush it off at first as someone trying to butter him up, a bit flustered because rarely anyone nowadays actually says it blunt to his face (since he aint heir to the clan anymore and is just a mercenary/overwatch agent). Later on though when he realises you were being genuine and is just. Oh.

Hilariously Hanzo is gonna do the opposite of Cole and actually avoid you for a while lmao. He is absolutely not used to ppl being nice, genuine or kind to him in that sense. He’s also like ??? are u gon start hitting on him??? Because he’s pretty??? Yea poor guy has bad ppl skills pls be patient.

Its alright haha over time if you dont make a big deal abt it or u seem chill and hang out with him more Hanzo would prob be ok with you.

There will be times where Hanzo happens to recall that first meeting moment and he will just be flushing a bit in mixed embarrassment/appreciation/self-loathe before moving on. He’s really not used to direct compliments that is not abt his skills.

I know there are older asks I should have answered lmao but this one somehow was able to get my creative juices on the go so lucky u anon

[noeggets]

since yall dont wanna analyze surge and kits relationship i guess i’ll put it out there for everybody to understand

i dont ever wanna hear anybody say Surge doesn’t care about kit she has asked him a couple of times if hes okay meaning she wants to genuinely know if he’s alright not just functioning for her benefit 

and she ask for his help sometimes she may ask it in a demanding way but that is just her nature thats just how she talks this is a call for help in her own way Support me -> i need help will you support me? (shes giving him a option)

i mean in the fight -> i know your supporting me in this whole thing but i meant support me in this fight too

she called him by his name KIT and not drippy her affectionate nickname for her little friend if she didnt care about him she wouldnt give him such a nickname  it may have started as a insult but thats her nickname for her little buddy

and im gonna be real with you if she didnt care about him why let him in on a lot of things and not keep secrets to herself? number one shes not smart enough to do that i will admit home girl has low intellect but she understands enough to get by 

you aint got the backup -> nobody is supporting you like i have someone helping me this wasn’t just taunting metal sonic why even bother saying this if Kit didn’t matter to her

if she didn’t care about Kit why does she keep saying “WE” instead of I like starline shes not in this just for herself she wants to build something with Kit not just herself this whole plan is for “US” “YOU AND ME” shes not doing this by herself for herself she not only needs Kit’s help but she wants him to help her she wants him be there with her she probably doesnt wanna be alone either

and my favorite panel cause its really nice this is not just “I want you to be my loyal dog who will do as i say no matter what” this is “Are we doing this together? you trust me right?” look at their faces this is happy i love her

thats the end of my tedtalk

[sanzulicious]

•Warnings•

This story contains

Smut,angst,comfort,cursing

This is chapter 2

“Woo!! i better i see some hotties tonight.” Erika yelled as she parks the car.

“Looks like we’re here… yay”.. you say with a worried face.

“And i better see some hotties to especially a bald man with money.” Kai said.

“Whats up with you and these balds men kai?” erika asked.

“Bitch them bald men have spoiled daughters and they got money i dont mind being a stepdad purr.” Kai says with a wink.

“Haha shit well looks like ill try to find one to for myself because a job that pays 10 dollars aint gonna cut it i need a sugardaddy.” Erika says.

As yall walked out of the car and headed for entrance of the club a security asked for I.D yall pulled out you’re I.D’s and showed it to the security. But these security didnt look like regular ones they wore suits that look expensive as if they worked for a mafia boss.

“Wow those men look expensive” you say to erika and kai.

“Girl i know thats why i said i need a sugardaddy” erika said.

“Damn this place looks hella nice” kai said.

“By the way you look hot y/n” erika said with a wink.

You blushed at her comment. “Thanks erika but you look way hotter than me.”

“Girl we’re both hot, hey tonight we are gonna have fun okay let all the things you worry about go for a bit tonight we are gonna turn up” erika says.

“*sigh* you’re right lets have fun tonight but im not drinking alot since you know someone has to drive back.” You say.

“Sure of course” erika smiles.

“WILL YOU BITCHES HURRY im trying to get a drink and find a fucking table” kai says.

“Calm down damn it im coming” erika says.

As you three went to sit at a table you looked around the place you thought to yourself how awsome the place looked with the floor like glass and bright neon lights and people dancing their ass off.

“ ill get us some drinks what do you guys want” kai asks.

“Ill have a cosmopolitan” erika says.

“Umm ill have a margarita” you say.

“And ill have a whisky sourr” kai says walking off singing.

You chuckle.

“Hey erika im going to run to the bathroom real quick” you say to erika.

“Oh okay ill wait here i dont want anyone taking the table” she says.

“Okay” you say walking off.

As you walked off finding the bathroom you saw a hallway you went through the hallway to find it. you were complaining about how this place is complicated to find the bathroom when suddenly you didnt see someone coming your way. *bam*you fell down, you bumped into a man with a pink mullet and two scars on both sides of his mouth with pretty blue eyes. He looked at you annoyed.

“Watch it asshole you knocked me down ever heard of excuse me” you say to the pinkette.

“You were the one in lala land maybe YOU should watch were you walk forgot to wear you’re glasses or some” he said back.

Asshole. You think to your self. “I dont wear glasses and even if i did you should always say excuse me who raised you? An animal?” You say with an angry look.

He glared down at you thinking how can easily kill you for talking like that. But he took a good look at you and your figure he thought to himself you were a sexy thing.

He gave you a smirk and said. “Well arent you fiesty one you should watch that attitude darling, nasty attitudes dont sit right with a pretty girl like you.”

“what do you expect me to do when some dumbass knocks me on the floor huh?” You say with a mean glare.

He chuckled.

“Well then my apologies doll” he says giving you a hand to help you up from the floor.

“Thanks and dont call me doll” you say.

“Well what should i call you then?” He said.

“Nice try im not telling you my name now if you’d excuse me i need to piss my friends are waiting for me” you say.

“The bathroom isint through here doll your going the wrong way” he said smirking.

“Shit Oh well were is it then?” You ask.

“Mmm i’d tell you, but you were rude so i guess not” he said cooeing.

You were starting to get even more irritated. “Look i just need to take a piss the least you can do is show me were it is since you knocked me down with your no manners ass” you say.

“I didnt knock you down YOU got in my way doll should of watched were you were going .” He said with narrowed eyes and a smirk.

The smirk pissed you off even more you had enough of his sarcasm. “YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU I DONT NEED YOUR DAMN HELP I CAN FIND IT MYSELF GET OUT OF MY WAY.” You say pushing him out of the way.

“Oi wait wait im sorry alright ill show you were it is damn i was joking your so fiesty cant take a damn joke.” He said trying to stop you.

“I SAID MOVE i dont need your damn help your stupid sarcasm and smirks piss me off and i bet it does to other people you interact with” you said.

“What can i say i like the look of peoples faces when i piss them off haha” he said laughing.

“Yeah i bet you do” you roll your eyes.

“Look im sorry alright ill show you the way to the pissy potty, but let me buy you a drink its my way of saying sorry for knocking you down doll” he said.

“I already have a drink waiting for me thanks” you say.

“Well let me buy you another one” he says.

“I said no and i came with my friends i cant just ditch them for you”. You say looking up at him.

“Well take me to them ill tell em youll be with me” he said.

“Just take me to the bathroom” you said.

“Alright”

He showed you the way to the bathroom as you were finished you saw he was still there waiting for you.

“Why are you still here i already told you im not interested in you buying me a drink i came to have fun with my friends” you said crossing your arms.

“Why not whats the reason am i that terrible” he said.

“Yes you are, you cant take no for answer can you?” You said.

“Alright but at least tell me your name?” He said hovering over you.

*sigh* “im y/n whats yours?”

“Mm not telling you hehe” he said smirking.

You look at him with you eyebrow farrowed.

“Your look cute when your mad, im haruchiyo sanzu”he said.

“Well sanzu dont call me cute and thanks for showing me the way to the bathroom but i really have to get back to my friends”

“Your welcome cutie”

“I SAID STOP UGHH your so annoying do you do this to every girl you meet ?” You said.

He didnt answer he just kept looking at you. The truth is he never really found a girl he’s truly interested in he would only sleep with them and forget about them the next day. But you made something click inside him and he found you interesting he liked you stubbornness.

“What are you not gonna talk anymore?” You said.

“Mm sorry just admiring your pretty face” *wink*

You starting blushing at his comment you quickly shook your head. “I have to go sanzu my friends are gonna start worrying about me” you said.

“Mm alright then doll ill see you around or maybe later” he said walking away.

Later? You heard him say when you were about to ask him about it he disappeared from your view.

“Uhh okay that was weird *sigh*

You went back to kai and erika at the table waiting for you.

“Hey guys sorry i took long couldnt find the bathroom this place is pretty big” you said.

“Girl we were starting to worry we thought you got drugged and kidnapped or some shit” erika said.

“Oh my god like in those movies, uhh imagine it was me and hot mafia boss trys to kidnap me i would totally let myself you bitches better not try to find me” kai said.

“That would be scary tho wouldnt it kai? Them pointing a gun to your head and you wont know if youll die or not” you said.

“Hes trying to be laura from 365 days head ass” erika says laughing.

“Bitch i’d do anything to be in her place, besides i mean i know its scary but like they wont hurt you if they are obsessed with you thats why they kidnap you to make you theirs, i would act refusing just so his sexy ass can pin me to the wall and say. (are you lost babygorl) well acutally (baby boy)” kai says.

“Shit i want a man like massimos fine ass i have a thing for italian men alright” erika says.

“You guys are crazy” you said laughing.

You were gonna tell them about sanzu but maybe you will tell them another day about it rightnow you were with them having fun.

“Omg bitch this is my jam lets dance you guys” kai said.

“Come on y/n i wanna see those hips sway girl” erika says.

“Uhh fine” you said.

[End of chapter]

Sorry I changed the font didnt really like the other one but i hope you liked this chapter.

Thank you for reading ;)

[angelthebedsheet]

hi! can i request a hxh headcannon with kurapika maybe like what it's like being a relationship with him? sorry if you can't do this or i requested this the wrong way-

- anon

a/n: it’s alright anon! i’ll try my best to write about the loml and the bad bitch himself kurapika! love hims i may have went CRAZY for this. also i write on my phone so sorry if this is so long!

lets get it!

How yall started dating

okay so yall first met at the hunter exams elevator

the main four first walked in there and were surprised to see another person there

and gon being his friendly self started to chat it up with you

“hi im gon!!”

“hi gon. i’m y/n.”

kurapika there respectfully looking at you

like you’re attractive.

lookin at how those elevator lights shine on your beautiful melaninated skin

whew baby he went 😳 inside but greeted you

“im kurapika”

“well hello kurapika”

and that was the BEGINNING

timeskip up in this bitch rq

the arcs are pretty hazy to me so like.... lets say yall were feeling e/o during the york new city arc

yall both were trying to become bounty hunters and were alr pretty close to e/o

you suggested working with him and he liked that idea

yall alr fought really well tgt and he actually liked having you around him

so you both became neon’s bodyguards

yall were slowly becoming closer to each other each day yall worked together

like lingering touches, yearnful gazes

allat cute mushy shit

kurapika is one touch starved and closed off bitch so he’s struggling here

you on the other hand you KNOW you want kurapika like who wouldn’t want him???

he’s a whole package in that tuxedo 🥵🥵

n e ways

soon neon notices this shit and it goes downhill

this lil shit starts PURPOSELY locking yall in rooms together

like baby no we are supposed to protect you what are you doing???

“im not letting you out till you two kiss!!”

“i beg your pardon?” - kurapika

“neon huh???” - you

kurapika is internally like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck i lwk wanna kiss em but.... feelings.

you can see the internal STRUGGLE thats going on in kura’s eyes

you just say fuck it and pray the gods and any other spiritual holy beings are on your side and kiss him

kurapika’s stomach said 🦋🦋🦋🦋 when you cupped his face

like your lips are SOFT

(no cuz like some of yall rlly be making y/n have crusty ass lips like um no baby i wear lip gloss and chapstick religiously you aint gon catch me w/ brittle ass lips)

and you cant tell me kurapika doesnt wear chapstick

and he’s like ✋🏽😳 hol up this kinda.... this kinda hits why didnt i do this earlier?

(bc you’re a gated ass bitch thats why honey)

my mans just has to kiss back

he kinda just gently holds your wrists and kisses back

now you’re deceased bc damn boy where you learned this???

no cap you kinda felt your knees buckle and he noticed that but yall not gon talk about that

and you two reluctantly pull away bc hello yall still on the job and literally are bodyguards

“the door wasnt even locked.”

“you cheeky lil shi—

cue you chasing neon while she runs away giggling

kurapika can only gently touch his lips and smile with a red face

In the Relationship

now yall are disgustingly cute in private

kurapika is definitely touch starved and he always needs to be touching you in some way

he always looks out for you too

he’ll definitely press tons of kisses to your face or the back of your neck

calls you a bunch of cheesy nicknames

darling, my love, my sun, sweetheart, beloved, honey, babylove (the stanely uris thats played by wyatt oleff makes me lose my sHIT)

my boy loves your hair so much

like the texture? the volume?

he’s all for it

he would probably ask canary about wash day bc she’s black herself

would 100% help you with wash day

want him to detangle your hair? hand him that rat toothed comb he’s on it

wash your hair? let him roll up his sleeves he’s on it

oil massages? pass them oil bottles baby he’s putting you to sleep

like you will be KNOCKED as he washes your hair or oils it bc he’s that skilled

i think he would struggle braiding your hair but after you show him?

this man is taking over and braiding your hair neater than you

like excuse me where did you learn this??

parting god.

them parts are crispy and straighter than a mf

literally doesn’t comb your hair like ya mama do w/ all that tugging and shit

he’ll just gently move your head along or softly apologize whenever he accidentally tugs on your hair and presses a kiss to your scalp

taking. baths. together.

my boy CRAVES that intimacy

no sexual shit

after a long day of work he just LOVES to take a nice bubble bath with you

either you leaning against his chest or you on the opposite end of the bath

he can always unwind around you and let go of that stoic facade he puts on

i would say he’s a lil goofy in private? like he’ll scoop up the bubbles and blow them in your face

if you want jokes you gotta give em

baby had to grow up quicker so he’s more mature for his age

i’d say if you want them giggles out? hold his waist and blow the back of his neck

the way he JERKS from that then starts laughing

heart eyes up in that bitch

his laugh is so 🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰

“darling!” “that was so FUCKING CUTE KURA WTFFF”

another way? blow kisses in his neck

he will giggle like a lil kid

god i love him

when you go to sleep he’s always big spoon

doesn’t matter if you’re taller than him

big. spoon. kurapika.

the only times you can hold him is when he has a breakdown and his scarlet eyes are activated

nightmares haunt him alot and he just needs to hear your heartbeat to know you’re still here

he needs to feel your warmth and you whispering that you’re here

other than those moments you better be fine with him holding you

i would say he doesn’t move alot in his sleep other than the small twitches

but for some reason his grip is strong as FUCK

like you aint getting out of his arms at ALL

if you gotta pee hold it

nah im kidding

just wake him up he’s not a deep sleeper but he isnt a light one either

if he were to wake up in the middle of the night he’d definitely fix your bonnet or durag if it fell off

morning kissies!

one way he loves waking up is kisses all over his face

especially kissing on his eyelids

it makes him wake up with a big ol smile

“morning beloved.”

WHEWWWWWW THE RASP

ahem anyways

“morning pikapika.”

he used to hate that nickname

now? baby LOVES it bc it’s just for him

the lohl giving him a nickname just for him makes butterflies in his stomach go crazy

he can practically feel the love oozing from your eyes

the way he wakes you up?

if he’s feeling a lil goofy or silly he’ll lay ontop of you and blow kisses into your neck

if he’s still tired he’ll cup your face and gently call your name

yall cook together

if you cant cook he will respectfully say take your goofy ass out of the kitchen

if you can? show him how to season your food correctly. rmb how he made that pig look pretty asf but merchi basically said it taste like shit?

not on your watch

he’ll take mental notes as you teach him the ways of goya and sazon

sometimes he’ll just gently take over

not bc he thinks you cant do it right but bc he likes to provide for others

you just gotta lightly slap his hands away like bby i got this its okay

and he’ll understand

kisses with him are very soft but passionate?

like he isnt gonna eat your lips but he will hold you close and make sure you know how much he loves you

he’ll definitely twirl your curls around his finger

you of course gave him your permission when you started dating

he will always have one arm around your waist and one hand behind your neck

doesnt matter if you’re taller

he will 100% get on his tiptoes and do it

or make you sit down

he doesnt CARE if he has to step on a stepladder he’ll do it

he said run me my kisses NEOW

i would definitely say he’s a passionate lover and would throw hands with ANYONE if they make any snarky comments about your skin

“my s/o’s skin is beautiful mind your business and take yourself somewhere else before i do it for you”

😳

🕶🤏🏾

sir.....

you would throw hands for him too

anyone says anything about him being a girl?

its over

there was a time where someone called him a girl who was confused and you went off and got into a fight

you won by a landside

kurapika was like 😟😦😳🥺

bc you really fought for his honor

but he had to pull you away before you damn near put this person in the hospital

“honey thank you but it was okay. it didnt bother me.”

“no but it bothered me! nobody can just talk about someone i love like that.”

he went 🥺🥺🥺

he definitely kissed the FUCK outta you when yall got home

yall hands were rated e for everyone!

a ride or die couple

yall are in love love

maybe he’s looking for a ring and kurta wedding earrings

[olde-scratch]

So I watched LUCIDS 1-4 without any prior knowledge...

and here were my thoughts. I didn’t watch any backstory or anything so enjoy my suffering.

PART 1

“So what happens when the people inside of their dreams go to sleep?” They die

“What happens when we wake up? Do they go on living while we’re not there?” THEY DIE-

“Who are they anyway?” they’re faces that our brain catalogs and stores for later use, although it’s also arguable that every time we dream we go to an alternate reality and inhabit the body of another version of ourselves. Now, were you in a car accident and trapped underwater or-

Are they twins?

(Me tuning out to do something)

“-the squirrel in spongebob was your soulmate, making you a Sandy simp-”

Me, snapping back to the video: hold up-

[missed the part about the worksheet, realized it when i rewatched 10 mins later to make this post]

yall speakin gibberish idk what youre saying-

“I’m gonna go to bed.” bro it literally looks like morning-

“You should get some sleep you look terrible.” i get six hours of sleep a night minimum and i look worse than him shut up bro-

“jump into someone else’s dream” ah i know this con-

why they all got the same face-

haha funni meme

“--an interruptiion can create feedback and tear them apart.” Death. I long for thee.

Is that Karl Jacob’s jacket?

“a second grader” makes me think this is a different school system. [i was wrong? i think?]

“[get him to] eat your apple”

[in the dream sequence] weird dream, but ive had weirder. now, Why Pamper’s-

why does he suddenly have a knife-

“You put a filter on the Dreamscape feed?”

“Technically, you are seven years old.”

???????????

the second hand embarrassment is UGGGHHH

[reading the description] you mean like the guy who was knocked out for 2 minutes on a football field and woke to find he’d dreamt 17 years of his life? oh this shall be Fun

PART 2

[I check the description] “jasper cult” what the fu-

how many camp camp references can i make during this

Is the apple a reference to religion or does the creator just really ilke apples?

“meal.”

“meal?”

meal????

Wait why couldn’t that guy eat the apple? If he wanted it in the fruit bowl, wouldn’t there be a chance of the guy eating it anyways?? Why can’t the guy who brought the apple eat it?

well he’s Dead

[debating if I should read the backstory}

n a h h h h h -

Was he gonna feed the dead guy the apple or something? Why is he upset about the apple in this scene???

oooo the grownups are fightinnnngggg

Is he an antagonist?

HE WROTE A BOOK???

oh now i want food

ESTABLISH JUSTICE ENSURE DOMESTIC TRANQUILITYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“I watched all those aforementioned shows” what shows did i miss something what-

man why you gotta hate on her jane austen fanfic let her live bro

string theory! i can get behind that! sorta-

o no he found the memes-

BOY GOT KNOCKED OUT-

kim there’s people that are dying-

is SHE an antagonist?

quinn? calling himself jasper? u sure hes not just nonbinary? is this just a metaphor for transphobic parenting?

“He died... but somewhere, he grew up.” So is your plan to take a Quinn from a different universe and make him your own, thereby robbing another version of yourself from happiness? When does this ever go well?

Yknow most people, when they lose a kid,,,, kinda,,,,,,, dont go on a ceaseless quest to find another version of their kid that grew up without knowing that another version of his mother was invading other peoples’ dreams to find and kidnap him,,,,,,,, like aint u got a therapist-

“Once you get past the point of not knowing what’s real anymore, you realize it doesn’t matter.” Well, I Got Called Out-

PART 3

“you’re real, oliver.”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

“you’ve been infected by the anti-love parasite of Mandadon” the amatonormativity is strong

so anyways ive been infected since birth hbu-

“James Jasperson, creator of Japple” did you mean to Fancy Well-Educated Man in a Black Turtleneck? cause the only FWEMBT i allow near me is prof. hidgens

“are you winning?” says the capitalist

why did you rewind to see his face?? you have the same face????? is this just bc the creator doesnt like working with other people cause in that case same but???????

“it’s a bad idea. i’m not gonna do it.” we’ve all been there. and we’ve all done it.

looks like me trying to study. (i say, a person who has studied a total of five minutes throughout their entire life.)

your “Spartan trial” looks like a bunch of guys standing on a hill pretending to be something they’re not. Let The Man Bring His Snacks.

eat the apple.

is this your first existential crisis or something what a loser lets all point and laugh

“One of you should be spared, the other shall’nt.” did you mean shant or was that a choice-

yall gonna get called out for talking shut UP

“sorry if this is too personal, btw. are you okay?”

me, confused and half understanding what’s going on and also needing to sleep cause its almost one in the morning but wanting to finish what i can find of lucids which i only starting watching cause i saw an animatic of ranboo and dream w audio from it: i don’t know anymore

“i just want my life back... i was gonna get married-” AREN’T YOU LIKE SEVEN-

ay man if this is a sacrificial cult yall gotta get daniel-

UPDATE: I  H A V E  N O T  F O U N D  I T -

“oliver”

I  F O U N D   I  T -

WHICH ONE IS QUINN?? WHO’S JASPER???? WHICH ONE IS BENJAMIN???? I THOUGH BENJAMIN WAS SEVEN BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED WHAT-

oliver. eat the apple.

“Can you still have memories even when you’re dreaming?” One time I woke up to my alarm and fell back asleep and in my dream I remembered that I had class in a few minutes and my dream self woke my real self up so fast I thought I was gonna get whiplash. Anyways, I was late to class bc of my computer but that doesn’t matter.

NOPE I FOUND IT. HERE’S THE AUDIO. THE ANIMATIC ONE. FINALLY.

im thinking car crash. but also maybe murder. but also maybe both? is it raining or was he drowning? is he in a coma? hmmmmmm?

wait olivers the one with the apple does that mean he’s the one dreaming? is the ending gonna be him and jasper (quinn? idk) fighting against ben and mrs hills about jasper eating the apple to save oliver from the dream? hmmmmmmmmmm-

waitwaitwait i thought oliver was 7 how is benjamin 7 years younger than him if they look the same age what what what explain america explain what you mean arkansaw-

are the cuts on his nose plot-relevant or

“What if you hadn’t been driving?” So I was right about the car accident but Mrs. Hills still said he was seven so did i mishear her say that BENJAMIN was seven? but even then oliver would be 14 and that would still be illegal-

“How are you feeling?”

“Like you’re a pretty bad therapist.”

mood

“--it makes it all bearable to have power over the stories we write in our heads” that’s why i write fanfiction

HE’S GOT THE NOTEBOOK HE’S GONNA WRITE SOMETHING ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

WHAT YOU MEAN AN EXPERIMENT THAT’S HIS NAME-

[upon reading the description] so i was right.

wait was that supposed to be the twist in part 2 about the apple in his pocket is that what the existential crisis was about i thought it was because he was introduced to the multiple worlds theory-

PART 4

wait wasnt the other one january 2018 why we going back to 2017-

appol

“--the future and the past all already exist” mhm yep figured this out long ago

there was simultaneously a point in time in which i hadn’t known about this, had been looking it up, had been watching it, and had been writing an ending to this post, and had been posting it the next morning before class. that time is both now and not now. Welcome To The Multiverse Theory or whatever its called-

“--my favorite scene of the movie is waking up next to you.” Mine is eating fast food as I listen to AJJ and play Minecraft. We are not the same.

Now I’m hungry but it’s 1 in the morning and i already put my retainer in god fu-

[reading description] what do you mean previously??? she did that in the first episode????????

[still on description] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WILL QUINN BITE THE APPLE AND GO TO BENJAMINS REALITY ISNT THIS OLIVERS REALITY AND HE HAS TO GET BEN TO BITE THE APPLE WHY IS APPLE CAPITALIZED IS THIS THE DOING OF THE FWEMBT

i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have watched the backstory i should have wa-

[description] oh ive been spelling quinn right the whole time nice

i hope she rejects you /j

WAIT BENJAMIN WAS THE ONE GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE

ISNT HE IN SECOND GRADE-

HE IS SEVEN YEARS OLD HOW IS HE GETTING MARRIED ARE THERE TWO BENJAMINS THAT WE’RE FOCUSING ON-

bro get out of the road ull get hit

how do you knOW WHICH ONE IS QUINN THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON-

so

wait

hills wants ben to feed quinn the apple bc in his mind, that will give hills and quinn a happy ending and she doesnt want ben to see the apple bc thats gonna mean ben will know that his reality isnt reality at all. so then oliver has to,,,, not let anyone eat his apple? he just has to wake up?

IS HILLS THE VILLAIN AFTER ALL ORRRRR

wait but if ben sees the apple wont he realize that his reality is wrong and his reality will change, making it so that hills doesnt get her son? or is there some time-based rule that says they’re only transported to the reality that the person believes at that moment? or is this another stab at the multiverse thing where an infinite amount of hills gets their happy endings while an infinite amount of hills doesnt and etc etc?

i should have watched the ba-

oooo dramatique

they’re in a time loop?

nope thats a new powerpoint

wait so theyre,,,, no-

wait-

nvm-

IS THE BEN WE KNOW AN ADULT GETTING MARRIED TO ISABELLE OR NOT-

“they were actually pretty nice” didnt they throw someone off a cliff-

oh so it got confusing THEN??? NOT BEFORE?????

“it all seemed so real.” is that Not the point of vivid REM sleep hallucinations-

is oliver gonna show ben the apple and ruin hills’ whole operation

WHO ARE ALEX AND RYAN-

“what’s 25-8″ bro dont do this to me-

yep hes gonna show the apple

ayyy the guy who stole karl jacobs jacket it back

the second hand embarrassment is back and I Hate It

all that happens in episode ONE??? bro get some better writers that is bad pacing

“it’s the best!” wait until season eight. no show has a good season eight.

quinn knows about the apple thing w the dreams and multiverse and realities dont he

YOU KILLED HIM

NOT KARL JACOBS NOOOOO HES ALREADY DIED ONCE

oliver is v relatable

wHaT iN tArNaTiOn-

lemme hear that explanaton again-

is bill cipher gonna show up? i hope bill cipher shows up. i miss gravity falls

“ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” moooooooood

did hills murder quinn

is your family the jasper cult

TOXXIICCCCCC get that lady out of your life quinn that is so toxic

“ ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!  ah! a tree! ah! a tree! ah a tree!” mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE END NO WHAT WHY NO

The Adventures of Benjamin and Oliver

he is Not Good

ope-

wait so ben is equal parts an adult AND a child?? okay that clears a lot up

I MEAN HE WAS RIGHT THO BEN U CAN’T REALLY ARGUE ON THAT-

ew get off the floor

butterfly effect, multiverse theory, memory decay, and your imagination ALL exist yall gonna ignore that cause you wanna be famous?

“We already know what the future looks like!”

aRe yOu sUrE aBoUt tHaT-

to add to the list of bad things: Cats (2019)

YA BOI THINKS IT’S NOT ALREADY FIFTY YEARS TOO LATE TO START FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE FFFFF

BINGO BABYYYY

get what what

what mapped-

awwwww he thinks THEY’RE creating the multiverse

you gonna dismiss the multiverse theory bc of something you created in your current reality? loooserrrrrr

ABUSE YOUR GODLIKE POWERS

she draggin that seven year old

a lot makes sense now why didnt i do this first-

Jasper

the food shortages-

bro that calculators like 90 bucks at walmart

imagine meeting a stranger and they know Everything about your life like that’s gotta be so weird

what’s even weirder is them telling you you’re the deity of a cult that sacrifices animals

THAT FOURTH WALL BREAK WAS-

KARL JACOBS IS DEAD NOOOOOO

ooohhh there’s context for that

OOOOHHHH THERE’S CONTEXT FOR THIS TOOOO

w h a t -

w  h  a  t  -

W   H   A   T   -

Conclusion:

it’s 2 in the morning and i need sleep but hOOOOO MY GODS THAT WAS GOOD IS IT OVER OR NOT IDK ANYMORE IM TIRED THAT WAS CRAZY I HOPE QUINN AND JASPER GO ON TO BE VERY GOOD FRIENDS, AND I HOPE BENJAMIN AND OLIVER STAY VERY GOOD FRIENDS AND I HOPE HILLS FINDS A THERAPIST WAS A LITTLE CONFUSING BUT I ENJOYED IT

if i dream about apples im suing /j /lh

[biorusted]

Nahri x Ali post EoG stuff

ok listen if my brain has to play these post Empire of Gold scenes in my head then yall gotta deal with them too (heavily Ali and Nahri centric) :

- EVERYONE knows that they are a thing. From the side glances to the Arabic conversations to the way they reach for each other’s hands at any given moment. like... they aint slick. Ali visits the hospital almost constantly and is one of the few people Nahri will listen to when it comes to taking breaks or days off. Nahri comes up to the palace for the sole reason to check if Ali was crushed by paperwork etc etc. They wont talk about it! but everyone knows!

- Nahri and Ali talk about getting married long before it actually happens (Ali is, what? 23 or 24 in EoG so he wouldnt get married right away). It’s actually Ali that brings it up first while they’re sitting next to each other in the hospital gardens. They argue about how they would plan the wedding; big celebration or small private occasion (Hatset and Zaynab would kill them if it was the latter). where it would happen, if there were and Daeva / Geziri or Ayaanle traditions they should abide by. its a whole thing. it becomes a regular conversation between them (even an arguing point; ‘See! if we got married this wouldnt be a problem!’ etc)

-Eventually Ali does go to Jamshid’s place to ask if there are any Daeva/ Nahid traditions hes gotta follow -> promptly dropping the ball that he’s gonna propose and given the company it would be a very big thing. He also asks for Jamshid’s and Nahri’s grandfather’s blessing. And, if possible, Nahri would ask Zaynab/ Muntadhir/ Hatset’s blessing too.

-Zaynab and Hatset would probably organize the wedding ceremonies n stuff, not that Ali or Nahri would have any say in it but it does come as a relief bc both of them are super busy! and wedding stuff would be so stressful! They also have a small and big ceremony (the small one like MONTHS before the big one) bc like... months is just so long to wait.

-Ali is the blushing virgin on their wedding night and that is just very very good.

-Anyway Time skip and Nahri gets pregers and tries to get Ali alone to tell him but hes just super busy and always around people so one day during a family meeting Ali’s off ranting n stuff and Nahri. bless her heart, Just fuking says it. “Ali, I’m pregnant” and the room STOPS. Cue Ali slow turning to face Nahri with a very Contained and Calm face and just whispers ‘Ok’ and Nahri’s like ‘Ok?’ and Ali- 5 seconds away from crying goes ‘Ok.’ and then rushes to hug her. Everyone is astonished.

-Ali gets so worried about being a good father he stresses himself OUT but like? literally everyone else sees how good he is with children? He sometimes looks after the children at the hospital when their parents are working/ getting healed and does everything from religious talks to teaching the alphabet of the different languages to leading a bunch of children around the hospital with little jodies or rhymes (have yall seen the goat video yet? the one where a lady in a niqab sings and the goats go ‘baa baa’ to the song? its that thing) Some children from Bir Nabat come and its the Best thing ever!! Ali is so good with children like why is he stressing himself out.

-Nahri of course works through her pregnancy. She snaps at Ali when he pushes her to take a break (’ Dont you EVER tell me to stay away from my hospital!!’ ‘My Love, you are NINE MONTHS PREGNATE!!) they end up compromising and a cot gets set up in her office.

-When the time comes Ali is a pacing wreck. He’s the first one to arrive at the hospital and everyone asks him why he’s dressed up so nicely to which is response is ‘first impressions matter.’ Ali also knocks on the door way to much - much to the annoyance of everyone. (Ali if you knock on the door one more time im going to gut you in your sleep!’ Ali: *turns back around* ‘I dont think they’re ready yet.’

-Ali hold’s his baby girl (whos got a full head of hair and just So Tiny) and is the quietest he’s ever been in his life. Utterly silent as he rocks her in his arms. He is entranced by this little baby and is once again one work away from crying. To convince Nahri to stay in bed for a little longer, cus shes physically fine just a bit exhausted, he slids in next to her and they hold their baby together.

- they name her Duriya yall cant convince me otherwise.

- the baby is in some way obviously part marid- whether it be the eyes or like little webbed feet and not for the first time they think about this childs whole identity. (’ Part Nahid, Daeva, Geziri, Ayaanle, Human and Marid.’ “This kids gonna have so many identity issues.’) but its all gonna be ok bc Duriya is gonna have the best upbringing that any child has ever had and its overall Great. Nahri is an amazing mom that doesnt have to chose between the things she loves and Ali takes everything he’s learned and is the best father that he never got to have.(ultimately tho Duriya does get spoiled a bit bc of the family but thats ok Ali is very good with humility lessons n such)

its just an all around great time.

and, just as a bonus if yall like Dara; cameras were invented in 1816 (the first book takes place is like 1801 or around that time) so Postcards are being sent and its sad and good at the same time.

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[themadvigilantist]

just a thought...

....technically, my hot takes

i could rant about doctor who head writer(s) choices and call it out all day long about why [insert action by # doctor here] is just half done or has an allegory to what's happening now but, the doctor would be absolved from said thing because 'it was to save the world/current time period/person here' excuse.

like i could tell you that:

'the silence vs the doctor arch' is actually just an allegory of police brutality towards pocs in history due to systematic racism that's looked away/forgotten about and how the public/the government uses the whole 'but yall killing each other too excuse' or as the silence put it 'you should kill us all on sight' to shift blame of the non-poc's choice to do the same to pocs but, to a horrifying degree ie what 11 doctor does to the silence AND THE RAMIFICATIONS IT CONTINUES TO HAVE EVEN NOW I AM. which makes the doctor a villain especially because he's known as the man in the blue police box or as a 'hero'. And the abuse towards river song in show and by rose stans?? Oh the disrespect?? Her entire arch with the silence is an allegory of black woman being the most disrespected despite going above and beyond and hiding the pain because 'the doctor doesnt like endings'. And both the silence and her are just brushed aside like..... the water parallel. i just - oof but its too early for that moffat drag

or like the constant disrespect to pocs in rtd's era. which made 12 cringe later on with the first doctor but that him cringing on what he did in his tenth incarnation - yeah rtd aint safe either. he allowed girl in the fireplace to be on our screens.

how the doctor treat river the same as jack and donna combined is something that need to be talked about right now. and how even river in her audios with tenth doctor shows that ten really wanted donna back. like his whole vibe was ‘fuck everybody else tho but, donna’ and i just I HAVE QUESTIONS (both as a romantically platonic ship but more importantly, like ten where are you set at? time lord victorious wise with river? where r u? because you and river talking like ‘time lord victorious’-era and i really need that cleared up.

or how when 9 says he the last of the time lords but both iris wildthyme and him were on earth at those times and that he would’ve felt them LIES. SHE WAS THERE! HER TARDIS WAS THERE TOO IN THE FIRST EP OF ROSE! WACK! ‘im the last of my kind weh’ no tf ur not. ‘i would’ve sensed them *taps his temple* in here* APPARENTLY NOT DUMBASS

the whole master/doctor on the eiffel tower - i can drag BOTH DOCTOR AND THE MASTER FOR THIS BABE - yeah chibnall aint safe just because he got ~diversity~ nah i can drag him too.

i could also offer an addition of sorts to dhawan!master's reveal of what hes done to gallifrey by showing her that what he had done was the final act but what tecteun had done before hand was destroy her true home - her forgotten home, pre-tecteun. Just show her the world that she never had the chance to know - the chance to discover - to learn about and of and where she really came from and destroy it. Just to justify further on why he destroyed Gallifrey like that and how the previous thing would just play further into the fact that tecteun and gallifreyans were actually using gentrification on the doctor the entire time and by destroying her home would be stripping her of her culture and then try to pass it off as ~cute~ or a ~style~ so im glad he just chose to straight up kill the colonizers i mean gallifreyans by turning them into the one thing that made them feel the very consequences of their actions and choices on what they done to the doctor. (With the cybermen tech).

i can even drag iris wildthyme by her roots for how she treated panda. idgaf he’s a sentient stuffed panda I WOULD KILL HER ON SIGHT. ‘oh i made sure in every timeline of your existence that you would die just to keep you from being stuck in a painting even though every single version of you would be financially doing well without me and would kill themselves because of me manipulating the situation so you would do that over and over and over BUT HEY YOU’RE NOT STUCK IN A PAINTING!’ i couldn’t be panda, she would be dead. there would be no more iris wildthyme adventures. i rather be stuck in a painting than travel with her ever again or i would just kill her. on sight. no hesitation. sorry katy manning but, you just gonna have to be jo grant forever.

I mean i could go on, i could but, im sleepy while typing this and yes i've been sitting on all that to myself for years but ... i still watch it and it does small steps to address things but, as far as im concerned - [skips several pages] my ending would just be us having a martha audio with ten (because consistancy) and martha series separate from torchwood ok? like rose got one, jackie got one, lady christina got one, fucking jenny got one, every river audio sound like iris wildthyme (and the newer ones with ten is him thirsting and missing DONNA. like rose whomst? apparently in big finish 10 only knows rose tyler when her name misspelled and smudged on his hand) and donna's audios clearly superior amongst all them, so its martha's time to shine. Give her three audios with him.

Because the timelord victorious audios clearly just skipped martha in the trailer and i cant stand here with him having that much thirst for donna and him in the same breath not say martha's name.

Give her some audios with him. Give her standalone audios too and for once, not let her talk about the doctor. I miss noel too, put him in there too.

[sikereviewdotcom]

undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

[pinkykitten]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before Headcanons

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 

Warning: did not re-read srry 

Requested: By @mega-trash-cringe To all the boys I’ve loved before head cannons?

Authors Note: i was gonna add lara jean but i didnt so if u would like her (i only do her with male) headcanon or anything fic related pls request i will write it! did u guys see the news for tatbilb 2? they r gonna add jordan fisher which i love he was in like the other casting of hamilton but he sings so good and i just love him. then they r also adding ROSS BUTLER OHMYGODIMSCREAMINGIMSOEXCITED!!!!! like if yall know he is one of my bbys i love 13 reasons why and i love everyone from there and he is just such a sweetheart <3<3<3 this is a bit long especially peter’s part so enjoy! 

Peter Kavinsky 

first off your guys relationship is real

you met when you um...fell face first in front of everyone on the track court (lol i hope thats what its called cuz like girl my school was CHEAP we didnt have anything like that)

he was like your knight in shining armor

“whoa whoa whoa (gotta add those whoas) you okay there y/n”

now since that day you two are inseparable 

legit are COUPLES GOALS

piggyback rides™

like whenever you feel way too tired to walk or anything (cuz ur lazy like moi) he literally will pick you up like you dont way a thing and put you on his back

you also trying to get him on your back but you fail miserably and you two end up laughing so hard

you two sharing a shake or something at the cafe

 if there is a song he likes or you like he will be the one to say “lets dance”

you of course refuse cause you’re shy and there are legit people trying to eat

“c’mon girl you gotta dance with me”

almost like begging

finally give in and you two will start dancing in front of everyone

standing on his toes while you two dance

nicknames

will pick you up from school or literally anywhere

COUPLES BRACELETS

that boi never takes it offfff, like never

tells you everyday how beautiful you are 

even without makeup and you are full of acne and look like you just got ran over he will kiss all your pimples all over your face and tell you how cute you are and how much he loves you both ways

he legit is a sweetheart icanttakeit

taking long trips into town or across town to your favorite stores

already knows what songs you like and puts them on the radio just to hear you sing

oh boi oh boi when he hears you sing its like he’s fallen in love again

“god babe, you sound amazing. i wish i sang like you”

two would dance like crazy teenagers in his car

him trying to sing to you

holding your hand while driving which you slap him for that, “all hands on the wheel kavinsky”

likes it when you boss him around

when you go onto bus rides with him or in his car across town he will buy all your favorite snacks

ALL. OF. THEM.

loves buying you gifts

almost everyday he is buying you something

THIS BOI IS SO EXTRA I SWEAR!!! 

going to a field trip you will probably (lol i used to but i fell asleep against the cold window and like i had no one who sat by me...*all by myself by celine dion starts playing in the background*...im fine) fall asleep and if your neck is turned into an uncomfortable position peter will straighten it out for you and place your head gently on his shoulder

giving you kisses all over while you’re sleeping

also many many many many many many pictures of you sleeping, awake, eating you name it that boi’s camera roll is all full of you

changes his background to his phone like everyday!

SUPER PROTECTIVE OF YOU

especially at parties

he will have his hand resting on your hip or just resting on you so people know not to mess with you

if someone starts to bully you or hurt you in any way peter will threaten them and make them super scared

no one messes with his baby

have any fights he does ignore you but he cant ignore you for long cause he loves you and you are just so cute and sweet and you always make it up to him

have any issues with your fam or friends and you need to sleep over his house for some time just to find yourself he lets you and you sleep either on his bed or if you’re not comfortable he makes a bed on his floor that he sleeps on and you sleep in his bed

comforting you all the time when he sees your sad

cuddles

ever have your period he will get all your snacks and get anything you need

pads? hes got it. tampons? “girl i got that already covered.” chocolate? please he on that too. 

holy smokes you both have a couples handshake that lasts longer than professor x and magneto’s beef with each other

both text each other memes and vines

oh god vine references 4 DAYS SON

he is so understanding of you

yours guy thing i know is so weird but is watching like all the housewives shows

peter has his favorite and you two watch it in his bed cuddled up

he trash talks the tv and like starts with his, “nuh uh girl whatcha think you doing?”

aint ashamed or embarrassed to watch it

like during school hours he will go up to you while you’re in a conversation and its like “remember baby housewives day!”

when you guys go to a library you read for like a what 3 seconds and then you two make out in the corner and the librarian has to interrupt you two stating that its too noisy

all in all peter is your baby and you would protect him with your life, he’s your soul your everything and he feels the same way about you two your relationship is so vanilla and adorable it makes grown men cry

Josh Sanderson

you started a relationship with josh after he and margot split

it felt wrong to you at first and you tried to push the feelings away

josh is such a cinnamon roll

he is always so kind to you

he makes sure you’re okay and happy

you couldn't push him away any longer and decided to accept him as your boyfriend

at first pda was strange because of his relationship with margot but soon you showed it in baby steps at school around town

now holding his hand seems normal to you

hes the first one to text you

his texts are beautiful and so heart felt

like poetry

he is such a gentleman

listen to you with all his heart

sleepovers always on sundays

as you lean on his shoulder he reads to you and you fall asleep

go to school together, he downloads all your favorite music or favorite audibles and puts the other ear plug in your ear so you two share

or watch hilarious videos of like fails or gordan ramsay (*sigh* the perfect relationship)

sometimes you two act out his things on the cooking show tv

yeah with the accent

people look at you two like what have yall been smoking

already talking about when you two have kids and like what house and the name of those kids

“okay but we should also have a dog in the mix and name him something like cactus”

god hes just so adorable sometimes you wanna cry

during break in school you two go to the bleaching boards or whatever you call those seats and you sit on his lap

best moments to kiss 

you also share snacks

play all the time heads up

come over to his house to study

but we all know its just to make out

having moments when you feel self conscious or insecure he sits you down on his lap or across from him and looks you straight in the eyes making you do the same and tells you how amazing you are and important to him and how much he loves you

since you sleepover his house so much you two have matching pjs

PILLOW FIGHTS ALL THE TIME

he rants to you and discusses with you about comics

wants to name his kid tony for tony stark

“c’mon babe tony sanderson sounds pretty cool you have to admit”

fishing trips all the time

YOU CANT FISH AT ALL

you endure for his sake

teaches you about all the fishes

you buy him a fish blanket

now you two cuddle with it all the time

masks

you bring over your clay mask or those really really slimy ones and make josh wear one

“oh my god how do you even wear these things?”

the black mask one that hurts as well

he almost cries

you kiss his boo boos

take pics like that with the mask on

take cute and weird pics for instagram

NECK KISSES

wearing matching outfits 

compliments you so genuinely and lovingly all the time

if you ever hurt yourself or like cut your finger he will get so worried and kiss it lightly

“there all better baby”

OF COURSE ITS BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

you love sitting on his lap

he nuzzles into your neck almost like a cat

making him things legit makes the boi wanna cry

lovez baking together

is such a help in the kitchen he wants to make sure he’s involved

pinky promises with the little kiss at the end

“till the end princess”

you just practically wanna marry this man

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415, @dirbel, @marwantr

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[vapidsims]

This guy again?

yes im bringing him again 

This time for @shae-sims Casa Amor! 

Name: Caster Lang

Age: 28

Ethnic: Blasian

Personality: Goofball| Exra| Micheivious

Occupation: tech assistant. freelance on the side.

Hobby: fishing

Sign: Gemini

From: Brindleton bay

If you ask anybody who knows him on a surface level they’ll probably say Caster’s one of the funniest most charming dudes they ever met. That he brightens up the room when he walks in, goofing off with the finger guns and all that, makin the jokes! he’ll make an absolute fool of himself tryna get that old man sitting at the bar to chuckle.

Ask somebody who knows him on a more tertiary level and they’ll say…well, hes a bit off. they dont know what it is though, they couldnt possibly begin to explain whats rubbed them the wrong way. and strangely enough, the time they start feeling like that is the same time Caster goes *poof* out of their social lives.

( long text and mommy/daddy issues under the cut)

Lets get educational here, Who is Caster Lang? Hes certainly not gonna tell you.

Ask him about personal stuff, you get roundabout answers. want to pry? you may as well be pulling his teeth.

But hes a great guy so no big deal. Right? Right.

Hes a prankster, he loves jokes, he smiles and laughs, A LOT.  Somebody stole his car? he’ll probably just make a self depricating joke about it and keep on rolling on foot.

he dosnt…seem to care.

He was born to an (initially) happy couple, until just a day after his birth, where his mother decided she didnt love her husband any more. she tried to stick the marriage out, but it fell apart after six more years. A nasty divorce proceeded. And as it turned out after all that. Neither parent wanted their kid.

Then he spent a little too long being bounced from relative to relative until he ended up in foster care anyway. And by the time that happened he was too old to be wanted. He got taken in by an old man who really needed company….And a maid. As soon as he was old enough to mind himself and the old guy had died. Caster bounced off to the other side of the country and left everything/everybody back home in the dust.

Hes the local funnydude. sure. hes got charm. yeah. but on the underside, he likes to be at the center of a trainwreck. He moves quietly… Theres a loose thread hanging off of everybody and hes waiting to pull and watch what unravels. just like what happened with his parents. Dan across the street has a little insecurity that he accidently mentions offhand? you can bet Caster filed that away in his memory to use later. Caster meets Dans wife at the store some months from then? they chat about Dan for a bit. Then the neighbors are whispering. And then the town is whispering…

Its not his fault, the problem was already there, he just…casually made them aware of it…   its a slow burn, it takes time to catch….but man does he love to watch the flames…

And nobody suspects him. Unassuming a$s

Cas and Dan across the street will still be friends for a while. But Dan eventually starts to feel the same strange feeling others get after being exposed to him too long. Caster is used to this, hes a walking,talking, self fulfilling prophecy. Hes a curse that just keeps cursing…. hes up in smoke just like that.

Dude goes into everything prepared for and expecting rejection, he makes it so….why join a show?

He just wants to make people laugh at his funny ass on tv? yes maybe.

Is he there a chance he could actually find somebody who cares about him? hopefully. but he knows not to get his hopes up. he dosent make it easy…

He wants to plant seeds in the background and then watch the absolute sh*tshow  tree that grows out of them? probably.

All of the above? most definitely.

More details:

hes obviously never seen a therapist. hes an expert at self managing. whats that? thats his third cup of iced cream? whatever he’ll work it off.

Hes happy to please. you want him to get those heavy buckets. yes of course! want him to drive across town to get that gourmet cheesecake for you? sure thing! anything else? you can run him ragged.

Kinda into masochism dont @ him

He doesnt sleep as much as any human should. Its not unusual for you to get up at 3am and hes just…standing, in the kitchen, eating more icecream. he’ll say hes got insomnia. the dark circles under his eyes say so too.

He loves cats, and the cats love him. whenever he goes fishing he’d gladly give the scraps to all his adoring strays. They dont promise him anything and then leave, they just do cat things.

tried reaching out to his family a few times while living with the old man and either got short replies or outright “dont talk to me”s

If you’re gonna fite him it better be right there and then cause if you tell him to “meet you in the back of the mountain steak shack a quarter past midnigt on the eve of a full moon” He aint showing up. hes at home watching dr phil.

He does NOT skip leg day. or…overall body day. tries (and mostly fails) to hide that hes ripped.

greens and blues are his favorite colors.

has a hard time dressing himself. he tries hard.

“But what about finding his true love”?

He’d like to. however comma,

Is anyone gonna put up with him once they find out how he is? whom of yall like fixing a broken house? xD

(pls enjoy fixing a broken house, or helping him unpack his issues, buy his therapy)

“What about the prize money”?

save it for a nice place to live and adopt the most unwanted kid he could find and spoil them. (he IS a jerk undercover but this probably says a little something)

He’ll go wherever the wind dropkicks him~

[peachesforjae]

Neocity in Vancouver

Hey so I wanted to write a little “the vibe I got and what actually went down” for each of the boys from the vancity show! No one asked for this but my extra ass wants to do it anyways so enjoy!! Also it’s a given but all of this could be false so please don’t come for me.

TAEIL

this mans vocals oooooof i mean we been knew but hearing it live ?????? 10/10 confirmed that this man really has been blessed by an angelic voice. probably the most stable voice i’ve ever heard live

his singing voice and talking voice are the same irl, same with visuals (there was this one part were he was trying to be sexy and lemme tell u that my heart started beating faster and i started s w e a t i n g)

he didn’t talk much during the ments (i really wished he did, even if it was in korean) and i personally felt like he didn’t get as much cheers as the other boys (NCTZENS YOU COWARDS HOW DARE YOU 😤)

would sell my soul to have a mini taeil in my pocket. i can tell that he has the sweetest heart and is the most humble guy, he would be the greatest husband ever u can’t fight me on it

JOHNNY

looking for the embodiment of the word flirt?? well look no further. he is really out here thinking our lives are a joke acting like your typical boy next door crush saying all the things that make your heart MELT

he is a tol boi (even tho i was sitting far away I could still tell that he is a giant) he probably was a sequoia tree in his past life or something idk but he is mr.tall and big

i haven’t seen anyone talk about this but his voice was a higher pitch irl,,,,,, like the videos will never catch it but it’s not as deep and omg his little lisp is QT. singing/rapping voice (sm give him more lines u hoes) was the same and his visuals were ever better

he did a body roll at one point and everyone LOST IT (i for real started crying) he is so handsome and ugh every time he came on screen/talked he got the loudest cheers (next to mark) he is such a genuine and heartwarming person i wish he could just be my friend that’s all i want in life

TAEYONG

no surprises with this amazing person he really is THAT beautiful HIS EYES AND SMILE AND FACE I DIED and is a rap god. it was a little surreal seeing him standing there talking cuz like is he even real ???? was he actually a hologram ????? WHO KNOWS MAN WHO KNOWS

he is one of the best performers ive ever laid my eyes on. the charisma and aura that he has stunned everybody and all i had to say was woooooow, he left me shooketh. sm really hit the jackpot with him. he is one of the pillars that nct stands on and im thankful for it

voice and rap voice were the same irl nothing surprising of course we already know that he’s talented but the crowd did love and cheer for him lots. he started the show strong and ended it strong (also let us see his shoulders thank you sir)

when he wasn’t performing he stood back more to let the other members shine and do their thing (ooooof what a leader) but I did wish that he talked a little more during the ments that’s all i could’ve asked for. he gave me a chill but nervous(?) vibe idk how to explain it

DOYOUNG

this man is GORGEOUS irl his eyes were so mesmerizing and sparkly,,,,,,,he had the cutest smile ever and the vibe he gave off to me was a little intimidating but definitely confident. he knows that he’s talented and isn’t afraid to show it

like taeil his voice was the same irl and he is a vocal powerhouse too. stable and clean. really blessed my ears and soul whenever his mouth opened. his falsetto is NOT to be messed with👀 im not saying that he is a male version of ariana but that’s exactly what I’m saying

he really interacted with the fans during the ments and he was so funny (at one point he said something and we missed it and he started laughing and then said it again so we could scream for him,,,,,,,,,,,his ego im- skskskskskshd)

most iconic thing he said was that he wanted to keep going and going and going and that he didn’t want to leave like BOI JUST STAY THEN i can buy you a house and you can just stay in Canada sksksksj i wouldnt mind if he was my neighbor

YUTA

my fellow scorpi(h)o(e) birthday buddy loml person *insert gif of me crying* he really has a resting bitch face (same here) BUT HAS THE SWEETEST HEART AND SMILE i was falling so hard and fast for him. he would probably be my best friend if i ever met him

he was honestly like a little kid,,,,had so much energy and was laughing and jumping and acting all crazy, he joked around with us so much. but then when he performed it was all ✖️🔪☠️✖️💀 and I was feeling like 527273 emotions at once i didn’t know what to do

his voice sounded a little different irl but singing voice was beautiful *cough* sm give him more lines or i will come for you *cough* and his dancing is off the charts you can really tell he puts so much effort in to be an amazing performer. i’d say hes the next best dancer next to taeyong/haechan/mark

yall this boy deadass wore a toque and said that he looked like a canadian university student and kept saying “didn’t you guys know???” with the cutest little expression ever im DEAD INSIDE and ugh he is so caring for the other members and went to mark so many times during the show

JAEHYUN

ok yall know he’s my bias and can I just say that i died, went to highway to heaven, and came back every time he did ANYTHING ????? like anything. im a whipped bitch phew. my deadly crush on him got even bigger after this - bc he really is just a 21 y/o hot dude that i would fall for irl if i met him on the streets skdhcgljsdfg 

singing voice ???? perfect. visuals ???? astonishing. hotel???? trivago. skskskks stop me. anyways lemme just say that this man goes HARD when he performs i was so concerned for him like pls chill a little. he kept milly rockin and pointing to the cameras and doing shoulder/body rolls and being a lil hoe (aka this was the best day of my life)

his smile is something to die for, there is a charm to it. also he is flirt no.2 after johnny. he knew EXACTLY what to say to get the attention and everyone gave him what he asked for. he kept on saying how he loved vancouver and had a crush on it. also called us HOT a few times😪

anytime he talked and came on screen he got loud cheers and he would soak it all in (meanwhile I was having a mental breakdown,,,,,the girl behind me kept looking at me every time like sis just let me die sheesh). he gives off chill but confident vibe - i would be terrified to approach him irl. really is a people pleaser and does things to earn him attention and love

JUNGWOO

babyboy.com ......... he really is the CUTEST member all I wanted to do was hold him and pat his lil head and tel him that everything was gonna be ok. he seemed really nervous but did an amazing job performing nonetheless but i do hope that he becomes more confident in himself when he’s on stage cuz he’d get more attention than he already does

they way he talks and acts is actually baby boy culture but i can tell that that’s just a mask to hide his true side, whatever that maybe, all i know is that we aint prepared for it. his eyes sparkled every time he talked and i know this is annoying but he really is snoopy. i won’t take it back.

like taeil, he didn’t talk much during the ments but still received lots of love and cheers when he did. i personally feel like he could be ncts secret weapon in some way but that is tbd. his vocals, voice, and visuals were the same irl he really couldn’t be anymore perfect.

he tried his best to talk in english and i want to thank him for it, IT WAS SO CUTEEEE. he started crying a little at one point when he was talking about touring and performing and my HEART BROKE like no bb come here I’ll just hug you and everything will be ok.

MARK

canadas boy. canadas treasure. canadas pride. canadas ass👀 and nctzens everything. he got the loudest cheers (obvi) and i swear every time he started to talk/rap/exist everyone would loose it and it made him flustered. he felt really touched by this show and im glad that we were able to make him feel like that 

he gives off that typical high school boy crush vibe. he’s really THAT awkward young adult that has it all and doesn’t know what to do with it (you’ve definitely met someone just like him) he seemed a little nervous for the show which was a given and was so clueless when we started chanting his name😂 jaehyun had to take his in-ear thingy out and his face when he realized what we were saying KILLED me

his voice is the same irl but i personally felt like his looks stood out more. he looks more mature (?) in person. his eyes also SPARKLED like he really holds galaxies in his eyes. his smile and laugh really brought joy to my heart. i just wanna thank his parents for creating such a beautiful human being. also cheek bones

he talked about his day in vancouver and started to go down memory lane and was taking about how his school was closed on the day sm was holding auditions and how it’s been a decade since he’s come back (SM LET HIM VISIT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD) he also told us that he’s proud to be a canadian and that we’re lucky to live in such a beautiful place😭❤️ i- someone come hold me

HAECHAN

babyboy numero 2. he has the babiest face out of all of them but the SOFTEST voice legit sounds like an angel i assume. his hair and skin were flawless and people better stop wh*tewashing him LET HIS BEAUTY SHINE THROUGH PEOPLE

vocals sounded the same but the pitch of his talking voice is a little different. his smile got my heart racing and he has the cutest cheeks i wanna squishem so bad. he seemed a little shy and didn’t talk a lot during the ments. his stage presence really surprised me i legit started screaming “heee heee its haechan jackson” ksksksksks i hate myself

after they performed jet lag he straight up -no warning given- went “doesn’t it feel like we just went on a date?” LIKE BOI DO I LOOK- if you think I cried you’re absolutely right. he’s definitely johnnys son he’s LEARNING from the master of flirting. but he flirts in the most adorable way possible like how ????????

i would 12/10 die for him and also wouldn’t mind having a mini version of him around for emotional support and love. sm also hit the jackpot with haechan and i also feel like he’s another secret weapon in the group watch out yall i keep forgetting that he’s so young and that the best years are still ahead of him i can’t wait to see what the future has in store for such a talented person

Other Comments

i could really sense the exhaustion from the boys. they’ve been go go go from the beginning and i truly hope that they get a well deserved rest. nonetheless they put on a great show, hyped up the crowd, and made us fall in love with them even more. also they performed jet lag for us and lemme tell you that it was a B O P.  i wanna say that i died when jaehyun called out the fake fans bc they didn’t know the album release date i LOVE his savage and petty ass😘, this was my first ever kpop concert and im so blessed to have seen nct127, as Johnny said, i can’t wait to see what our journey together has in store for us. im so glad they enjoyed their time in Canada (they kept saying how beautiful it was and how they want to come back to more cities hekwishehsos catch ur girl dying over here).