#like he had it set up we were vibing and having a good convo i don’t know where the idea came from

[lilgynt]

guy got a date set up then same night as were talking is like ur dominican? i love laughing at domincans why are you WEIRD

[helluvapurf]

...so uhhhhh, "Apology Tour" was... *interesting*-

Didn't even seem that long ago since "Full Moon" came out so I didn't expect another ep drop this morning, buuuut welp! Lets discuss:

First off just to smoothen things up a bit, The Positives:

-Animation & visuals were quite pretty, and wasn't expecting the whole "spooky Halloween" aesthetic at Verosika's party (tho that may just be the summer season speaking lol) but hey, I kinda dig it~ 👀

-Verosika in-general, I was super stoked to see more of here! 💜and even with her staying pretty sassy/bitter towards Blitz... its honestly hard not to feel for her once she & him finally had that one-on-one convo (even revealing that she did legit love him... but Blitz simply couldn't stay with her due to his own commitment/intimacy issues ;-; ). And even if it was technically more of a pettiness move to theme her party around hating Blitz... in a way, its lowkey kinda sweet how much she wanted to help others "heal" from heartbreak? Aww... 🥺 Idk, do I still wish Verosika could've been more of the "major" character focus here (as Fizzarolli was in his past couple eps)? Absolutely. But for what its worth... I had fun watching her as I did💗 (& hopefully this won't be the last time Verosika appears story-wise, cause oml imagine the bonding potential of her, Blitz & Fizz as a reunited trio lol)

-That one incubus dude that flirted with Stolas (+kissed him) at the end seemed like a chill dude. Even if he most likely won't appear again, his vibe was fun to watch lol.

-OH, we finally get to see Mrs. Mayberry again, sweet~! :> ...and, she's apparently dating Martha now? Huh, thats... interesting, I guess? .3. (*wonder what happened to her husband/kids tho, 'cause I kiiiinda thought they would've landed in Hell too ngl-*)

...aaaaand okay yeah, that'll cover the Positives I've got atm. Now for The Negatives... ohhhhh boy:

-I... guess I'm not super alone in this opinion rn from what I've read from other fans, buuuuut... Stolas can you shut your entitled-hypocrite-mouth up for five minutes, please?? 🤦‍♀️Like, I know the dude's still reeling from how "Full Moon" ended, so him being in a mixed mood is to be expected tbh... but omllllll the way he was just SO smug, dramatic and pushy about being the "good guy" in how he & Blitz ended (-as if HE wasn't the one who set up their whole "transactional" dynamic since the start of the freakin' show?? =_=), even whining about the events of "Western Energy" (-when all Blitz was doing was prioritizing his daughter's well-being at the hospital, like a good dad should), was just... seriously?? >> Like... yes, Blitz may be a whole mess himself with how he's treated others (esp poor Verosika 💔), but that does NOT make Stolas a saint with how he handled things himself. From hanging the Grimoire over Blitz's head, creeping on him again & again, practically ragdoll-ing the poor guy's feelings during the crystal exchange (not even skipping a bit when Blitz was close to crying), aaaaand not to mention...

...so like, tell me how I'm expected to believe Blitz is the one who needs to do all this apologizing/groveling... WHEN HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING TO STOLAS EXCEPT (RIGHTFULLY) CALLING THIS BLUEBLOOD BIRD OUT ON HIS BS?? 😑

*sighs* Sorry, didn't mean to get heated there but... yiiiikes is this show sending so many mixed messages of where I'm supposed to stand with these two, I can't keep up anymore- 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

-As much as I get what the ep was trying to do in having Blitz see past his own ego/apologize to others… Iiiiii'd be lying if I said I didn't feel just a tad bit uncomfortable at the increasing Blitz hate, throughout the party-sequence ^^; Like, I know he's a shitty guy who's done shitty things, and absolutely he needs to recognize how much he's hurt those like Verosika (& his other exes)… buuuuut tying into my previous point, it just rings rather unfair that most of this seems mostly spurned from him rejecting Stolas, of all people? ._. When… again, they were NEVER an actual couple like him & Verosika were, instead were just a simple once-a-month hookup deal that soured 'cause of Stolas' mess of a "confession"… y'all really expect me to believe Blitz is the bad guy for not immediately accepting the "feefee's" of a privileged, horny prince (aka: the one who did hold the Grimoire over his head since S1's "Murder Family")? …Ehhhh, sorry but I am NOT buying that crap lmao -x- 👎

[markantonys]

okay quick 2x04 thoughts before i go off to make some gifs!

moiraine in cairhien was so fun!! loved getting a peek at her childhood and family

i gasped when it was revealed that moiraine (and presumably siuan) deliberately planted logain in cairhien to lure rand, even though i should've seen it coming! i should've known moiraine's always playing 4D chess!

WE STAN ANVAERE, absolute queen shit. she out-moiraine'd moiraine! also, as a younger sister who spent my whole childhood craving my older sister's approval, Felt

i'll admit i'm not jazzed about lan's storyline this episode. it was a little interesting and i liked getting a look at what alanna is like "outside of work", and she and maksim and ihvon continue to be top-tier secondary characters, but it felt like too much time and i wish some of this screentime had gone to mat or egwene instead. though i'm guessing we'll be getting much less of lan and more of others (especially egwene, for obvious reasons) next week!

but i AM intrigued by the direction they're going with lan's bond. everyone had speculated alanna's absorbing myrelle, but given that lan's getting on pretty well with them all and alanna seems to be leaving the decision in his hands and even suggests he could soon bond with nynaeve, i really do wonder if they might just have lan's bond go straight to nynaeve post-moiraine's-"death" and keep alanna & rand as the only non-consensual bonding in the show. it's a bit of a repetitive plot beat and i don't think anything would break if lan's version of it was skipped.

egwene referencing rand to elayne but without mentioning his name or any distinguishing info about him!!!!! this definitely gives me hope for a cute little scene of rand and elayne encountering each other in falme without realizing they have mutual friends.

i was SO confident that blonde warder trainee in the trailer was gawyn, but it turns out he was just a random background guy! i have been catfished! but maaaaaaybe it really was him but he just wasn't credited because he's not being officially introduced until a later episode? please???

LEANE'S OUTFIT!!! and ooooh great setup for the falme trip AND the coup next season (i'm sure some people will be more convinced by liandrin/elaida merger after this scene, but i truly don't think that'll happen bc a) it wouldn't work storywise for a number of reasons, b) if they were merging them they would've named the character elaida instead of liandrin)

i LOVED perrin's scenes with elyas!!! and this is coming from someone who was always bored to tears by perrin povs in the books! elyas delivering exposition like it was the most obvious thing in the world and perrin's an idiot for not knowing was a GREAT vibe haha and we have confirmation that perrin's visions aren't a visual representation of his smelling abilities, but rather sendings from the wolves! and we got hopper!!!!!

liandrin's convo with nynaeve was SO GOOD. i was going "awww this is so sweet, i love this" "oh wait, betrayal incoming, shit" djkjfg they did a great job of making it believable that nynaeve (and the audience) would trust liandrin's word about going to falme. also, the show's focus on the tragedy of aes sedai longevitiy is excellent, 10/10

elayne my beloved!!!!! "yes i'm following you obviously" i love her your honor!!!! and the earlier moment where she admits being curious about what it's like not to have your whole life mapped out, but then says she wouldn't trade places with egwene. baby! can't wait to get to her queen arc eventually!

FASCINATED by the reveal that min is working with liandrin because liandrin had promised to take her powers away from her. what an amazing story choice!!! it lends min some much-needed narrative meat, it makes SO much sense that she would find uncontrollable foresight to be a burden and a curse, and it sets up a potential arc of her learning more about/coming to terms with her powers. in the books she never has many thoughts on what it's like to have these powers, so i LOVE that the show is going to explore that more.

overall i'm quite surprised by the relative lack of mat in the season so far! i'd assumed they'd want a lot of time with him early since he was out of the final 2 eps of s1. but i'm sure he'll get a more focal episode later! on that note, i'm a bit worried because imdb doesn't have min in episode 5, and they do have mat, but it could just be because donal is a regular so gets billed for every episode even if he doesn't appear. because i'm not sure it'd make sense for mat to appear but not min next episode? but it's possible, and it's also possible that min will appear and imdb isn't accurate. still, i'm bracing myself for no mat storyline next week.

at least we got confirmation on the where & why of their trip: cairhien because ishamael wants to get mat and rand back together!! highly relatable of him, i must say

i don't even know what to say about the rand & lanfear stuff, it was SO good i'm shaking!!!!! but poor rand has probably been put off bondage forever now which is absolutely tragic djkfjgh

update to add: i can't believe moiraine walked in on rand mid-sex (with a forsaken) i hope they have the world's awkwardest conversation about it once they've stopped fleeing for their lives. there is a spectrum and This & mean girls "do you need anything? snacks? a condom?" are on opposite ends of it

[stormblessed95]

230314 Jikook Moments in Jungkook's Lives

He did 3, we were hanging out for HOURS. It was a white day date with JK and ARMY. I adore him. I'm not going to really talk about it much or go into crazy details over everything he did. Lol I'm just going to dump all the jikook moments we got from all 3 Lives into this one post. 😂 Enjoy. Or don't. That's up to you!

We just vibed to music with him the whole time too. He said it was his liked Playlist. Which accounts for the variety of songs included. Lol 2 of those songs included jikook memories (for us and for JK!) There for You by Troye Sivan played and JK immediately mentioned how it was the song "from my trip with Jiminie hyung" GCF Toyko and their Toyko trip together will never be let go. Jikook won't let us!

And he played/sang along with Christmas Day, which was jikooks Christmas duet cover from 2014!

JKs excitement over seeing Jimin in the comments for this live too and getting so excited to explain that this was pt 2 and that he changed for it too lol

To which Jimin reassured him that whatever he did/wants to do is good 🥺🥰 and that Jimin had just woken up (that long distance time zone difference hitting jikook too!)

JK shared how Jimin told him again in their group chat convos about how he shouldn't do drinking lives (lol I'm sure the group all teases each other about how their live streams go all the time in that GC.) And JK teases Jimin about censoring Unholy during his last live too 😂🤣

Which made Jimin laugh and reply in the comments that JK can of course do whatever he wants to do 😍

It had been a minute since Jimin commented again so JK asked if Jimin was still there (to which Jimin said "I haven't left yet") and JK then said "come here!" If he hasn't. Meaning left his live stream. Lol the constant demand for Jimins attention whenever he is in these live stream comments is peak adorable. Which this compilation absolutely shows off. Lol Jimin did eventually say that he had to go with a "jakae hyung is going. don’t drink too much (concerned tone)" comment (trans cr to @/explainkm)

And he ended his 3rd live with hyping up Jimins teaser video that was dropping soon for Set Me Free Pt 2. And @/explainkm extra clarified that he didn't just say "amazing" here but rather used a pretty strong word that means "so amazing/shocking/unbelievably good"

Just... the support was beautiful and I'm sure touching for Jimin too. 🥰😍 I love JK! And I love Jikook and the cuteness we get with their every interaction!

And ending with a bonus observation that lowkey doesn't really have anything to do with the live, but I found super funny 😏😂

[mischas]

I'm late to this post as I'm revisiting all things Ben and Mischa since the news break (ofc). I've been wondering if Cam's confusion about Ben "being mean" to him even though he "didn't do anything" could be tied to him being an asshole to Mischa at the time. Even if she and Ben were in a weird spot maybe he was annoyed the new guy was either 1. in close proximity to her whether that be just in filming or irl or him being an asshole towards her. It's the only rumor I ever heard about Ben being "mean." Any other problematic Ben convos revolve around relationship drama so it makes me wonder. I feel like it has to do with Mischa.

Well yes, but also no. Forgetting Cam for a second, Mischa herself said "he was really angry with me to begin with and I felt the punishment of that". That's a deranged way to treat the 18 y/o girl who broke up with you. Especially as 90% of that relationship occurred when she was 17.

I think a lot of people have never paid attention to the rumors surrounding the s2 set, that Mischa essentially broke up the cast's happy-go-lucky dynamic of "work hard, play hard" together and how she courted fame separately by hanging out with people in LA party circles. There was a lot of deep-rooted resentment that manifested in the writing (and acting) and Mischa confirmed that on CHD (having referenced it earlier in Harper's Bazaar and E). Melinda said on the show podcast that Ryan's angry outburst to Marissa in 209 felt personal between the actors. If Alan Sepinwall tells us in his substack that this bombshell was not really a bombshell to him because it seemed everyone knew and talked around it, I imagine Melinda knew about the rancid s2 vibes. A lot can be gleaned just from that alone. It's not just romantic/sexual tension and anger, it's, as Mischa said to E! News in 2021, and I feel comfortable saying with the added context of CHD... bullying. The rawness in that one scene alone is nasty work. I can only imagine what was said or implied off-camera.

As for s3, the kids were all tired of being there and acting out in various ways. There was a lot of backtalk and bitching and Adam is the only one coming out of the book looking like an honest person about that. And we know Mischa wasn't going to be spilling her guts in a book telling half-truths to a subjective journalist with questionable history with her.

There are instances on the podcast (a very Ben-positive pod) about him being a dick to extras and guest stars. "Mean" is a relative term. Ben's own future wife got the cold shoulder from him. Nikki Griffin was reading on set and he remarked that he was surprised she could read at all. And Nikki made sure to note it wasn't said as a joke. And I really don't care about Cam Gigandet. I think Ben is allowed to be strangely jealous or confused and whatever s3 behavior (I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to shutter a guest star, like it's not great but it's whatever), but there are other accounts of Ben not being the best to work with if he's not in a good mood. The director Patrick Norris said on the podcast that he didn't know if Ben was going to punch him or take direction. And Norman had his issues with him too. So like. I wouldn't want to be on the other end of that.

[succubus-nightmares]

Sova: Hey clove? Do you know my friend *****

Me: ?? *confused* No?

Sova: well you should, super nice guy, blond real cutie, funny

Me: ??????? *already knows where this is headed*

Sova: *is quiet until the beginning of next round* and he’s super good at the game he’s asc 2 peak immo in case you were wondering

Me: ????? That’s cool *please god no don’t say it*

Sova: *quiet til next round* and he volunteers at an animal shelter *continues listening off all kinds of stuff*

Me: Sova??? …. Are you trying to set me up with said friend? *asking even tho I guessed it*

Sova: Yes :D I think you guys would hit it off

Me: Um- I have a boyfriend 😅 *knew this was where it was headed and genuinely just wants to go back to playing the game*

Sova: oh are you loyal? Like you’re in a loyal relationship??? uhhhh well just cause there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score

(Our Reyna starts to join in agreeing with him and even our cypher considers it for a moment before butting out of the convo. Reyna now is trying to help Sova for the rest of the game)

Me: *is laughing very uncomfortably* that’s actually exactly what it means. I’m very much taken *at this point cannot focus on the game which is fine cause it was like 11-4 at this point*

Sova: *continues to try and sell the idea of his friend to me and then speaks a mile a minute at the end* CLOVE PLEASE add me so I can give you his riot information for if you become single

Safe to say I switched servers and waited several minutes before queueing 😭 side note please riot I’m begging add block features. It’s so sad cause these guys were so cool at first and we were vibing and winning and then it just became weird

ON A SIDE SIDE NOTE THAT REYNA HAD AN ASC BUDDY FROM LAST ACT AND SO DID THE ENEMY CLOVE AND SOMEONE ELSE HAD A DIAMOND BUDDY TF ELO WAS I PLAYING IN

[drowninginblox]

Rewatching Voltron

Season 1

Season 2

— ~~~ —- _ — ~ }=>

Wanted to say this at the top: All of this is for fun. I haven’t seen voltron in a hot minute so I’d thought I’d go through and see if it was just as bad as we remembered. Below is my highlights and grevences, along with a few Head Canons! So stay if you want. If you don’t, I don’t care! This is just a me thing ^-^

Transition between season 1 and 2

Seamless!

So satisfying on rewatch but must’ve been a bitch on release (OGs I will never know your pain lol)

Honestly wouldn't do anything to change the start of the second season.

The evolution of the paladins language

Idk if I said it already- but I love how the paladins are using Altean vocabulary. V good detail. Hope this stays consistent

Ships: Yes we’re doing this again but Klance won’t be the biggest issue

There’s a lot of Aullura and Shiro moments in the beginning that would’ve been a great foundation for something more if it wasn’t for the fact that (spoilers) Shiro is gay. The vibes they have are very knight or mercenary x princess and I’m a sucker for that shit.

Allureith is born in this season. And all I can read from this is good intentions but no thought. Both in execution and in the actual relationship. At least right now, I may change my mind the further I go.

Allurance. To me. Is the most infuriating thing this show has to offer. Every time I see Lance take a shot on Allura, and I see her discomfort I always say something along the lines of “Can you shut the fuck up-!” Or “Can you actually stOP!” While pausing for a good moment to regain myself. Just- god. Why? She is nO T into you dude. If anything this would be wonderful character development for both characters. I can see a full ep dedicated to this issue of Lance not knowing when someone isn't interested unless they actually say it to their face while Allura is in this denial that one day lance would get the hint. And from this experience, lance either fucks off for the next few episodes or starts from scratch with Allura with the understanding that friendship should always come first. If she is comfortable with that ofc.

Klance as a whole is screaming enemies far more than rivals right now. If klance is gonna work regardless of being a bromance or romance, there should be an understanding shining through. However, with both parties actually fighting in the middle of battles, and little to no willingness to talk, Iis becoming harder and harder to see why this was the biggest ship the fandom had to offer (then again 2016 was a fandom fever dream to begin with soooo)

Platonic relationships

Give me more Coran. He needs friends. I’m volunteering literally any of the palidins. And ofc we need more of the daughter Allura dynamic since we DONT HAVE ANYY. This man is such a theater kid and we are blessed with his existence.

Keith needs more time with Hunk and Pidge! For the love of god I CANNOT see them as more then trauma bonding buddies. I already have a list of things the B team (thats what I call Hunk and Pidge together because they are the Best Team) can bond over with Keith

Tech- (for both) this is built on the fact that Keith litterally had that cork board set up in the first eps to find Shiro. (Sorry Sheith shippers. I read these two as brothers only.) I like to think that Pidge and Hunk would ask Keith for help with techy stuff almost in the same vein as Lance. The only difference being Keith knows slightly more than Lance dose.

Sports- This one is mainly for Hunk but this can bleed into Lance too. Even though he's a big nerd I like to think his family is big on Foot and Fútball. I think Keith is the same but he loves baseball far more (same with Lance). Almost like I'm projecting my I Dont Dance Au onto these two hahahahaha-

Family/ lack there of - this can go for everyone. The best way to start this convo would be at dinner in the castle. Everyone is having a very quiet time until Hunk asks "Guys, what were your family's like?" This would result in a beat of quiet as for the first time in a bit, everyone really thinks about earth. Not for a passing moment or anything. Like- seriously. Allura or Coran would encurage this, saying that they dont really now alot about the palidin's home planet. From there it would a hodge podge of stories and background. I have a few HCs bout this including Shiro not really having a family and going into the airforce for financial and emotional support only to end up on the Curburos mission to.. escape life *cough cough* Adam *cough*, Pidge would talk about their mom's cooking and how their brother helped them with homework to the point where it got annoying. Hunk would say his mom's cooking is far superrior and then talk about his dad and siblings. I want to make his dad a retired wrestler, now mechanic. Lance would take offense to Hunk's claim this his mom could cout cook his mom. But he would talk alot about how his siblings were always there for him after their dad left (YES I WANT DADDY ISSUES LEAVE ME ALONE) Allura would remark throughout these stories with questions of her own. We'd eventually end with Keith, who almost leave the table at the pressure to remark on his own upbringing. This. This would be interesting.

But ima leave it there lol

The tracking plot point and rant about season 2 ep 6

Before this ep we got sprinkles of shiro/black lion tracking- wich is great. Love that shit. I have a problem with how we figure that out tho

“Zarkon must’ve imprinted one me durring our last fight.”- Keith. My man. Explain to me wtf you mean.

Fr tho. Just because you’re half Galra dosent mean that’s how it works bro. Ik we’re not fully sure at this point but- cmon.

“It’s me.” Allura. Hunny. H o w? Why even?

Why would two people who think they’re being tracked- GO TOGETHER??? Why would you even leave in the first place?! Shirio is right. Splitting up makes y’all vulnerable! Voltron can’t be formed without Keith! Why would y’all do that?? If anything why not leave in separate pods and just so happen to crash onto the same planet the paladins are on! I’m sorry I just hate the beginning of “The Arc of Taujeer” while Keith and Allura are away there is an actual humanitarian crisis. I know it’s important but damn to the tracking idea but G O D

Allura and Keith should be shunned and punished for the stunt they pulled in this ep fr. Info learned be damned

Mall episode

God bless the mall episode. An icon. Truly. All hail. All hail!!

The Blade of Malora/ Keith’s heritage + the racism

Let’s get the great out of the way: The Blade themselves- Their introduction is great. That goes without saying.

Keiths trials- M W A H the character assessment I could make is TOO LONG ON G O D

but the actual workings of the BoM is so calculated and cold. It’s honestly so refreshing in a way I don’t know how to explain

I just love untrusting rebels because that’s the reality of rebellion. You don’t know who is for the cause and who is a gov plant

I personally want Keith’s Galra heritage more known physically. Both on him and in his upbringing. I want splotches of purple across his body that no doctor can explain (all of wich can be hidden with a change of clothes) and barely noticeable physical abnormalities (ie: longer and sharper nails, maybe purple tinted hai “I dye it…”, strange “scars” that are actually birth marks that stand out. But he passes as human. Through these excuses.

I also want flashbacks to his dad trying to pass on everything he knows about his mother’s culture. (The knife and stories)

Now- I wanna talk about the bad. Y’all know it, y’all seen it- the racism

Now- Allura, sure. She has a reason to hate the Gullra. They killed her people. That is valid and I think that the truama combined with the truth that she’s working with “the enemy” is a great conflict and is honestly wonderful character growth.

HUNK ON THE OTHER HAND- w t f. This is so out of character. Hunk is literally the heart of the group and almost as smart as Pidge. I think he would know better than anyone else that litterally nothing has changed about Keith. Hell- maybe Shiro would know that struggle of people seeing him differently better than anyone else because IDK HES GAY (unless I change that. Personally I saw Shiro straight but… audience interaction? Lol I’ll put a poll on the final season if I remember) TLDR- As Keith said: “I didn’t just turn Gullra!”

Finale (season 2, episode 12 + 13)

Aullara getting over her biases and apologizing to Keith is perfect

Shirio and Keith’s chemistry is amazing as well both in and out of combat

The spy. An icon.

The amount of tension around this plan not failing is delicious. Yummy yummy- give me more!

Emperor whomever the fuck’s obsession w/ voltron carrying over to battle

Hagar being the voice of reason aGAIN. Queen shit fr.

When I first watched this I thought the paladins died ngl. Then when I rewatched I thought Allura died. Voltron out here with the drama fr

Zarkon meka action figures. When?

ALLURA DOING SHIT- F I N A L Y (Tangent will be later I promise)

HELL YEA WINGS!!! The fursona is complete

“Shit she got tats too!” Only to be met with Deisex Machina because Allura is the main character apparently

Hands to the side of voltrons face. That scene. Fucking slapped.

EVERYONE RUNNING TO DAD ONLY TO SEE HES GONE TO GET MILK- W H Y????

oh also lotor revel lol

Smaller things

The spies for the rebelion

I’m such a fake fan I don’t remember their names, but both of them left a big impact on me with their sacrifices

The guy who died in the cluster field, was a real one. Making the big bad of the episode implode on itself with him at the center- dude

Also, the guy closer to the finale who was almost caught multiple times. What a fucking trooper.

Underwent torture and still didn’t reveal the plans

Both of these dudes need art made for them! Like- I swear to God they did so much for these fuckers and we don’t hear about them, their back stories, or their families ever. When I rewrite this, I want to include pieces of what these people are sacrificing, and who they are fighting for either before, during or after they sacrifice themselves for the revolution.

TLDR; 🫡 Real ones

Zarkon’s black lion obsession bleeding into his character

I like how hyper-focused the big bad is about controlling the black lion.

He’s kind of right in his thinking that by controlling the lion, he’s won. He’s right. But from this thought process he’s reckless and too assured in himself.

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy given layers with the later seasons

Slav

I-

Icon?

Let lance be the sharp shooter

I want more sniper man!!

I want more chuckles instead of groans

Overall- The show is still good!

This was a fun watch! Was there things I’d change? Ofc! But this season holds up just as, if not better than, the last! From what I remember everyone agrees that seasons 1-3 or 4 is the good shit and then everything goes downhill. Hopefully I’m proven wrong but I highly doubt that.

Scroll bat to the top if y’all wanna see my thoughts on Voltron season 1, thank you for reading my rambles, and, most importantly, FOLD YOUR FUCKING LAUNDRY! You’ve put it off all day-! DO IT!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

The mdni was so funny LMAOOO I love the Ubers dynamic I can’t say it enough Barou acting annoyed by aiku but secretly doesn’t mind his company shdhakzjs

OOO ok I can totally see that happening less than a month away everyone….

YESSS he definitely actually takes care of himself we stan >>> also wait you’re so right the official arts definitely play into fanon tropes for marketing purposes…

LMFAOOO hollyhock Karasu just being a sap has me crying YUKIMIYA AHAHAH “when is it my turn to be the protagonist” the Coachella ref has me rolling too

Ok when you said tabieitaryu my first thought was Aryu???? I mean ig so that wouldn’t have been my first choice though…LMAOO then I read shidou and thought wait what it took me like a good minute to realize you meant tabieita/ryu LOL but FRRRR I can definitely see him being besties w reo and I bet Barou would be like “finally someone normal” WAITTT you’re onto something Kunigami yuki duo next!! I fr wish they would’ve spotlighted top6 like you can’t just drop that information and not show us more of their skills….theres also no way they wouldn’t have continued evolving more in the nel so (ignoring Rin and nagi) I would’ve expected to see more tabieitaken….shidou still gets a good amount of spotlight I feel just because of how they’ve set him up as a character but why did tabieitaken fall off the face of the planet

OKFG THE BAROU ANGST???? Bawling my eyes out wdym he died and got fucking possessed????? Ok but that’s actually fire I love familial Barou too!!! But was he MURDERED or did he like idk slip on a banana peel and crack his head open why’s he dead! Reading this I completely forgot that there was supposed to be a love interest im ngl you could just write this as a familial relation platonic journey thing and it would still eat like im locked in for the Barou siblings angst now Barou’s houndoom killing itself has me crying too omg I lowk had no idea what direction this was gonna go in after you said angst in the pkmn world but NOW I GET IT

TULLIA COMEBACK!!! Also omg pkmn miraverse Karasu is giving bfb Karasu stop why’s he’s getting rejected pokemon I can’t LMAOO ok wait let me go in order of character team for reactions so it’s easier to read

First of all DONPHAN >>>>>> I remember first playing donphan was like my right hand pokemon only second to my starter we love the donphan mention we’ve had this convo on teams before but these all fit so well otoya having a greninja and then all these sweet pokemon is so real (heavy on the blissey I can imagine him raising it from a happiny) Karasu archon agenda >>>>>>>>> ok coordinator yuki I totally forgot coordinators were a thing but COORDINATOR YUKI!!!! Breloom is such a yuki pokemon idk what it is abt the vibes!

Nagi having an arcanine when his house burned down is crazy LMAO also a big fan of goodra/goomy nagi, reo would totally have a cincinno is so real I can imagine him brushing it and petting it but also heavy on the gallade….another vibes pokemon why does it feel so reo

LOL EX RAPIDASH RACER CHIGIRI real…so real…also I never considered dragonite but why does it fit so well LOL actually it’d be funny imagine he has a shiny dratini and up until dragonair the colors perfectly match him and then bam GREEN LMAOOOO

also now that you mention hiori i can totally see him having interest in fossil pokemon…for some reason i can totally see him with an armaldo and a bastiodon too (unrelated but autocorrect is my number one opp while typing out pokemon names smh)

Isagi sus /hj LMAO but raichu reminds me sm of Isagi too…maybe it’s the face…idk LOL

I’m crying when I first read catch and release for aiku I thought “lol is that a reference to him catching and releasing women in bllkverse” SHSHSH jk LMAO

But fr I would just read this as a platonic family/found family journey story LOL the dynamic exploration between characters and again the BAROU SIBLING ANGST

TRIED AND TRUE SENDS ME the way that you’ve had to do this so many times fr manifesting better experiences for you!! Seems ghosting truly is the move LMAO it’s ok the opps just got their ego bruised and obv weren’t worth it anyways sooooo

HAHAHA real for that I’m usually a bit picky with art style but for some series I’ve also managed to brainwash myself enough to filter out the crunchiness….exposure therapy yk

- Karasu anon

tbh barou and aiku give such sibling energy but specifically in the way that like your mom and her brother would if that makes sense SLFJSJSJA

nah because sometimes the official arts have me raising my eyebrows and shit like why is chigiri always looking like uhhhh that?? LMAOAOA it’s so funny 😭 and isagi’s hair is always horrendous too for some reason omg

HELP BECAUSE HOLLYHOCK KARASU SEES BLLK OTOYA AND IS JUST LIKE 😢 meanwhile bllk karasu is like “bro i cry when i see him too but for the opposite reason (because i have to look at his dumbass face)” LMAO bllk yukimiya would be so offended especially given his sensibilities meanwhile hollyhock yukimiya was just trying to keep up with the times 😩

LMAOOO NO NOT ARYU 😭 pls i was trying to follow the format of their first names shortened and ryu fit pretty well but yeah i can see how that would be confusing (technically aryu is also 18 so ig he could be a yuki bestie option too?? i feel like barou+aiku or reo+nagi fit better though) agreed barou is just grateful to have someone normal who can also hold his own on the team 😰 LITERALLY BRO A YUKI X KUNI TEAMMUP WOULD BE PERFECT i need it so bad…honestly i think it’s crazy karasu has only scored like once or twice in the entire main series (in third selection) and pretty much consistently since then he’s been defending like does bro even want to be a striker ⁉️ i feel like of the three though karasu’s the only one who still feels like he’s kept up with the other players albeit in a diff position…like at least he’s consistently been doing stuff in pxg vs bm whereas we haven’t seen much from yuki besides manshine and almost nothing from otoya at all even in the u20 game 😓 i get other characters have to have their moments and whatnot but like…as much as i love kurona for example he was so randomly dropped in there?? i was deadass lost when he appeared because there was almost 0 mentions of him before 😨 so i feel like instead of developing this new character kaneshiro could’ve had yukimiya fill that role for isagi but instead of being as loyal as kurona is he’s more like a hiori type where he’s just choosing what’s best for the team ☝🏻 he could even have used the religion and blindness aspect to lean into a more altruistic characterization for yuki where he tries to be unselfish so he’ll help out anyone even kaiser as long as that’s what’s best for the team/the greater good because that would also make the kaisagi rivalry more interesting (especially if yukimiya stays the 1v1 emperor) as then they’re competing over who gets yukimiya on their side at any given point — he could’ve continued to improve and been the kind of player that helps break through defense before getting the ball to hiori who can then pass from there or go straight to one of the strikers depending on the situation 🤔 there also could’ve been a little ness vs yukimiya rivalry going on in the background that would’ve been rlly fun and could’ve developed ness a bit more ☝🏻

as for how i would’ve approached kunigami (not a top 6 but facing similar treatment atm) were i the one writing this arc there’s two options i think — get rid of kaiser completely and have kunigami be isagi’s main rival in the nel especially given his new ego of being the hyena and whatnot 😟 i think that could also really hammer in how effective the wildcard program was if kunigami essentially becomes ng11 level and adds an ethical dilemma of “ok so wildcard was successful but is this something we can morally/legally do to people and is it even worth it” bonus points for developing a really weird and horrific dynamic between him and noel noa with him simultaneously being noa’s protege (since he’s supposed to be a copy of him) and being completely ignored and shunned by noa because he’s disgusted by what kunigami is and what wildcard has done to him 😩 OR if it’s like. essential. to keep kaiser in there for whatever reason (fanservice) i would again take out a player from bm but this time it’s ness because okay hear me out what has ness actually contributed to the plot like at all 😭 besides being a kaiser stan and having a weird toxic relationship/breakup with him idfk JFJDKDSJ anyways so maybe kaiser’s in a kind of loki-esque situation where all he needs to advance is someone who has crazy strength to push through players like lorenzo who we saw him struggling with…enter kunigami who’s obviously HUGE and kaiser’s like ok buddy let’s work together so kunigami’s like sure (maybe he resents the blue lockers for not going through what he went through) and he teams up with KAISER and is actively working against his old friends (definitely put in angst and reminders of the team z days)…again would add a weird dynamic between him and noel noa as well as juxtaposing kunigami’s and kaiser’s backstories for maximum effect — kunigami being “had a good life, soccer ruined him” and kaiser being “had a shitty life, soccer saved him” 🤩 there’s plenty of theories floating around that ness is going to end up assisting isagi at some point (maybe to score the final goal against pxg) BUT my counterpoint is don’t have kunigami assist isagi with the two-gun volley (give that to yukimiya or even hiori) and have kunigami pay isagi back for the half of a steak (therefore acknowledging their past and friendship for the first time since his return) by giving him the ball instead of kaiser like everyone expected and was covering for, allowing isagi to still score the final goal (or maybe pxg will win in case leave the two gun volley as is but make a bigger deal of the pass from kunigami to isagi and don’t have kunigami focused only on marking shidou…maybe even make kaiser/isagi/noel noa yell at kuni for being so obsessed w shidou??)

as you can tell i have many thoughts on areas bllk could be improved even if i don’t really mind how the story is going atm LMAOAOA it’s also easier to think of these things when you have the base laid out in front of you so def no hate to the current story or kaneshiro or anything those are just some things i’d adjust personally HAHA

YESSSS BAROU ANGST so i have a few ideas for his death floating around in my mind…either he’s really sick/terminally ill and only tells isagi because they’re rivals and he doesn’t want his family to know because they’ll stop him from reaching his goals but when he goes to victory road he just succumbs to it and dies without anyone knowing (hence why isagi is elusive — he doesn’t know barou’s dead so he’s trying his best to be loyal since barou expressly said not to tell any of his family members) which would make the possession more a lucky coincidence for the evil team OR he gets murked so that the evil team can have his body and his pokémon 🤔 still not really sure yet LMAOAOAOA omg trust i can make angst happen in ANY au 🤩 honestly i would just leave it platonic but i’m worried that if reader and/or tullia start gravitating towards certain characters through the course of the story without me tagging or planning for it people will be mad like “no i don’t like nagi why would i be flirting with him when chigiri’s right there” “bro tullia better stay the fuck away from isagi that’s my man” ykwim 😰 maybe i’ll try writing it just to get a feel of what reader and tullia’s personalities will be and figure out who they’ll likely end up with based on that!! even if there is romance though it’ll be super super slight because again barou family relationship is the most important thing PLUS (mis)adventures and whatnot are much more fun to write about!! i’m thinking if i go with a ml nagi he (plus reo and chigiri because yk i’m not splitting up the manshine city trio) will probably behave kind of like the rivals do in the games?? like he randomly shows up, does something lore developing with the reader, and then leaves again for a while 🤔 whereas karasu and otoya are always there because they’re all traveling together but because of that the four of them specifically (karasu tullia otoya reader) kinda just have found family vibes and aren’t romantic

TUPAC BACK (except it’s tullia) FR DJDJSJSK it’s like those nobara edits but tullia instead…i was considering having it be may but idk tullia just felt more right in the situation 😭

HAHAHA PKMN KARASU IS LIKE BFB KARASU ON STEROIDS whenever yayoi thinks a pokémon doesn’t have the potential to be a gym pokémon/she doesn’t feel like training it she just dumps it on tabito because she doesn’t want to release it (she feels bad) so when he first meets mc and co he just has a bunch of baby bird pokémon that like to sit on his shoulder and are shitty at battling 🥹 with mc otoya and tullia’s help he makes them really strong though and i have a vision of him going back and challenging yayoi and beating her only with the pokémon she discarded (he either hasn’t caught lucario and garchomp atp or they’re just chilling on the sidelines) which finally makes her acknowledge him

YESSS DONPHAN i tried to make reader have a very balanced team in terms of typing and whatnot (hence her having a galvantula i feel like that’s such a random pokémon) i also tried to make it so it’s not just all basic pokémon on everyone’s teams (except isagi he’s the king of basic soooo) although ofc they’re not totally unavoidable which is why reader does still have a gyarados and tullia does have an infernape etc etc

HAHAHA at first otoya’s mad but then he realizes that cute pokémon = hella bitches so then he’s always letting his ninetales out to walk with him and flex how beautiful it is because it’s basically a chick magnet KDJSKSKA no fr breloom + yuki was one of my hardest cooks ever tbh and i think him as a coordinator is such a fun concept!! and adds some variety instead of everyone just trying to be champion or wtvr

HELP okay so the reason he has an arcanine is because when he has to go to the government to become a trainer they’re like ok well you missed the cutoff for a normal starter and he’s like bro ⁉️ should i just starve and die then tf 😰 and they’re like okay well modern problems require modern solutions…this growlithe was rejected from the police academy for being too cuddly and friendly even with criminals so we were planning on releasing it or sending it out to be adopted as a pet but like you can have it if you want and obviously he has to say yes and that’s how he ends up with a growlithe/arcanine 😭 at first the growlithe is super scared of battling and nagi doesn’t care enough to make it battle (he finds reo very fast and gets spoiled) but then reader + houndour beat some sense into them both and they get serious after that!!

LMAOO EX RAPIDASH RACER CHIGIRI WAS JUST TOO GOOD it also felt like a fun way to expand the verse a bit?? showing other careers people have and whatnot…also i think it would be so cute to imagine that the ponyta chigiri learned to ride on doesn’t belong to him but it ends up loving him so much that after its racing career (once it’s evolved into a rapidash) is over the owner gives it to chigiri as just like a personal pokémon since that’s where it’ll be the happiest 🥹 which coincides with chigiri’s accident so when he can’t walk he just rides around on his rapidash and it helps him recover before they both learn how to battle together in order to make money FNDKSJSJS

hiori just gives strong dinosaur kid energy although tbh i just picked his pokémon so that they were all light blue like his hair 😭 but given the many avenues for arcs that exist in a pokémon au there could def be one where reader and co meet up with hiori and he’s like lowkey a fossil dude and they save the fossils from the evil team however hiori says they should release the fossil pokémon because conservation and whatnot but the amaura loves him sm it evolves into an aurorus so he’ll keep it by his side as a battling pokémon and part of his team 🤔

ISAGI IS ALWAYS UP TO SMTH he’s def supposed to give the vibes that he knows more than he lets on (because he usually does) and PLEASEEE NOT THE CATCH AND RELEASE OF WOMEN i think aiku is going to be a brock equivalent tbh like maybe he first meets reader and co by trying to rizz up reader and tullia in the middle of a forest which makes karasu and otoya CRACK UP and aiku’s like yo wtf let me cook here 😒‼️ however that prompts tabieita to explain in detail exactly why aiku doesn’t want to date either girl and it ends up in a very sibling-ish squabble between the four meanwhile aiku is just like damn sorry i asked

stop because now that i’m thinking about it this could actually cook as a long fic there’s just so many different stories within the story that could be written 😨 if that makes sense LMAOAO okay wait also hear me out: leonardo luna, pablo wtvr tf his last name is, adam blake, loki, dada silva, yayoi, anri, and ego as gym leaders + chris prince, noel noa, lavinho, and snuffy as the elite four (ofc reo’s dad is champion but maybe he’s grown complacent because the elite four is so strong so it’s kinda accepted the noel noa is the ACTUAL strongest??)

KFDNSJJS unfortunately i’m fr experienced with it but it’s okay at least ik i’m a baddie!! 😭 generally i try to drop a lot of hints that i’m uninterested when i sense a guy is into me so it never even gets to the point that i have to reject them ☝🏻 LMAOAO yes the opps are just mad i wouldn’t get w them but what can you do 🤷🏻‍♀️

i’ve read so many manhwas that like as long as the proportions aren’t insanely off i’ll just accept whatever honestly 😭 anyways this is such a massive response i’ll leave it at that 😩 SOMEBODY (me) got chatty today i fear…

[bisluthq]

Nat girlie, I have no dating exp, and I met this gorgeous guy, spent 2 days working with him (slightly younger than me, tho) and like when I’m talking gorgeous, I’m talking absolute pretty boy. Gorgeous smile, gorgeous eyes, pretty face all together. We got partnered up on set, and I started yapping to him and this other guy, but I seemed to (I can’t tell?) hit it off with him, I asked him for his Snapchat and he added me. He told me to check out his gym, and he’d give me a tour. Showing me pics of his trip to New York, etc. By night time I asked if he could give me a ride home (since he mentioned he lived close) and he said yes. Soon as we got in the car, he handed me his phone excitedly and asked me what I’m into, I said Taylor Swift and he was too! Cause he plays hockey, and him and the boys listen to her and “all the white girl music” which he was playing (Shakira, katy Perry etc) and we were vibing in the car. He was telling stories, him and his team, both of us loving driving with the music blasting and windows down. Etc. I told him if he sees me on set again to say hello and he said he would when he dropped me off.

Day 2 same thing, vibing in the car again (he drove me home when I asked), but more stories etc asking if I like country music he does too and then I told him I’d send him a few songs he msg’d me after saying “good taste” to me

Now here’s the hiccup? I can’t tell if he likes me?? Cuz in person we vibe and yap a lot and similar coincidences (my dad died when I was 21/I have a German shepherd while his mom lost her dad at 21 too and got a German shepherd) etc. when I recorded a snap of us he told me to send it to him.

But when I snap him it’s so dry ? Like the next day he left me on delivered for 21 hrs but I think he gets busy, but told me he went to the beach it was nice : etc and I’m like jealous then told me about a girl I know he saw on set and actress. Brief convo / and then I showed him my fully signed hockey stick and he said he’d tried to read them/but he said he couldn’t and he snapped me his signed prof jersey.

Yesterday I snapped him again, and he replayed it and then just snapped a pic (later in the night) of his legs and skates, so I’m like ??? Is he not interested or thinks I’m maybe gross?

There’s also a lock around his snap? So he included me in his private story list I guess? And then he told (day 1) how he made a tiktok for his school and it got 5 million views and all the girls were adoring him and he smiled and said it was a good self esteem boost.

??? I’m so thrown tho like ?? I assume dry = not interested? But this is like the first cute guy I’ve crushed on in years before I got love bombed by a girl so idk how things are suppose to move??

I also stalked his tiktok reposts out of mild curiosity and I didn’t even know he was a Christian / he had a few reposts about dodging signs girls give when liked / cuz scared / running away when a girl likes them / failing at talking to girls.

??? Am I overthinking it and he doesn’t find me gross/icky or he’s simply not interested or he’s a just shy type.

He’s so gorgeous while I find myself eh. And don’t have exp and I have adhd so I automatically think rejection esp since I got love bombed. I can’t tell..

A girl I met also on set I asked her about it and she said he seemed kinda into me but again I can’t tell but I always assume dry = no??? And I’m not good enough

I wouldn’t assume dry = not interested necessarily. As you say, he gets busy and has shit going on and based on your TT stalking he’s also shy so idk. It’s not like he’s not replying at all and you guys seemed to get along grand in person. Personally, I’d try to meet up again and see how that goes? Also - you’re definitely good enough. Someone not being into you isn’t a sign you’re not good enough. It’s just a thing that happens sometimes. And this guy seems like he might be interested, he’s just maybe not great at texting?

[unknwnxquantity]

Thursday was one of those days that shows you life could be over in an instant without even knowing it, that an initial inconvenience could’ve actually saved your life. I have an old car. Old ass car more than 20 years old. Love her, we named her Beatrice bc she’s beat, white and old. It’s a long story how we got her but it was a gift to us!Shoutout my gfs dad :) Anyways we were under the impression it was good for the most part. She shakes, she started making loud ass sounds recently. The brakes are a bit wonky but we were under the impression they had just been changed months ago before we got it. And then the check engine light pops up out of nowhere yesterday during a really inconvenient time. I was so annoyed at that. Was already having a bad and stressful morning. Driving to and from a place towns away and the traffic is HORRIBLE in the mornings. Just tryna come back to where I’m at, takes at least over an hr or even an hr and 30 min at times, when without traffic it’s a 30-40 min drive. I was like plssss god just get us to our destination safe and let me get home safe and sound.

I get home safe and sound. Get to work right after. Then my gf asks me if I wanna go take the car to her best friends bf who’s a mechanic to get the engine light checked out and also the sounds Beatrice has been making. I’m like ughhhhhh bro I been working back to back these days with barely any breaks in between I’m so tired. But I do it anyways after my second shift ends at 5. I drive to him IN TRAFFIC ON THE HIGHWAY yet again and I’m like these brakessss, are wonkyyy. They feel different some days and I gotta be on my toes no pun intended 🤪. Sometimes Beatrice feels safe to drive, other times I gotta be more cautious bc it’ll feel different. It takes me almost 30 min to get to him. I never hung out with him one on one, and only really met him once. It was just me and him in the auto shop he works at. Such a masculine environment😭😭 I don’t know SHIT about cars I’m just a girl just tryna get by man.

I bring up to him like heyyyy I’ve noticed the brakes feel a little weird. It scares me at times— It makes me think of the incident with my sisters first car years back. Similar car just different model, same yt hoopty vibe. She named hers Steve and spent $500 on it like my gfs dad did. But after a while of driving her cars brakes gave out out of nowhere while she was nearby where she lives. She thought she was legit gonna die and called her bf (who I set her up with) to help calm her down and if worst case, he’d be the last one to talk to her and know what happened. He tells her what to do (I forgot, I think just keep driving around the block til it eventually stops). And in my head these past few weeks i think of that. Especially since two weeks ago, where i witnessed a car in the other lane lose control of their car and directly collide with a car right behind me. That could’ve been me if i was a few seconds behind—Anyways I tell him I feel weird with the brakes and he’s like okay lemme take a look at it. He takes a couple test drives too to see what else could be wrong with the car. Well apparently our brakes were so bad, the brake pads were worn down to the literal core even tho me and my gf were under the impression that the brakes were replaced months ago. No padding whatsoever, that her friends bf, I’ll call him F, said it would’ve given out any day, he didn’t even trust me driving back home. He replaces them bc he just so happened to have the parts I needed, and just doing the most being so sweet. He’s just a caring golden retriever white man who goes above and beyond for those he loves since my gf and the friend have been friends for over a decade.

During the 2 hours I was there with him😭 me and him talked about random shit. He’s the type of guy to talk about anything and everything. But one of the convos we talked about was how ppl aren’t usually grateful for life, and miss out on potential connections bc they’re caught up in their own worlds. That he’s seen real life poverty and ppl dying in front of him and how traveling opens up a world of new perspectives. I eat convos like this UP. He told me about how he the other day helped this middle aged lady at a store bc she had mad shit in her hand and dropped something. He automatically picks it up for her without hesitating. But that kindness and consideration led him to having a 15 minute conversation with her and it brightened his day a bit having that. And then I mention even in the most mundane or boring situations, like waiting in line at a store, can be an opportunity to be grateful for life. An opportunity to say something to the person in front of you. Or to observe your surroundings. It was nice having that and having someone understand that. He’s also so passionate about cars and know his shit. It was so fucking refreshing to see the passion ooze the way it did when he talks about cars and the mechanics of it all. That jobs like his are safe bc we’ll always need human mechanics and the services they provide and that gives him relief to keep doing what he loves without anxiety one day his job could be taken from him.

I don’t want to make this entry too long even tho it already is. But yeah just random stuff. He really hooked us up and didn’t charge us for the labor of the things he did. Like he filled my car up with oil bc apparently I HAD NO OIL EITHER!!! He showed me how to pop the hood and just other little things he said he’ll help us with at a really considerate price. As I was about to leave and put in the gps, he recommends I go a specific route bc it’s a straight shot to the highway and easier than going the way I was gonna go. I go that way, and my gps just sends me down a somewhat scenic route. No highways. And then I somehow drive down the street of *knock on wood* my next job. Which that also just fell into my lap. A customer (who’s also gay so it’s always good energy when I see her) at my one job was looking for me one day, came in and was like hey…. Are you maybe looking for a new job? And I’m like YES PLEASE and gives me her number. I send her my resume. Coaches me on what to speak on in the interview. Apparently she’s a director in the specific program. It would be an environment where I feel I could make a difference and she’s like “listen I know I don’t know you well but I feel you might have a knack for this… sometimes you just need someone to connect you to where you need to go” so knock on wood again things go good and I hear back for next steps.

If you follow my entries, you’ll pick up that I think and talk about passing/d3ath a lot. In a lot of different ways and forms. Even tho I’ll be like ahahahah I don’t wanna be here🤪🤪🤪, I do. Like imagine I didn’t go to F when I did, what if I’m like no I just want to go home after work. But my gf thought to reach out to him all bc the engine light randomly came up (what if she didn’t think to ask him?) We would’ve never put two and two together about the brakes being so bad that they could give out any day on us (and apparently the reason why the engine light came on is a super quick fix). What if he wasn’t available that night? Then what could’ve happened the following days? A lot. I really am protected. And I really am grateful for life. The butterfly effect is crazy and sometimes ppl are faced with super unfortunate instances where life is put in their face and they realize how delicate and fragile things are. How delicate and fragile we all are. That’s why I knock on wood and thank god the universe my angels everyoneee for all the good things in my life and how “easy” I have it in comparison to millions (actually could be billions) of other people around the world.

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

uni

started working on essay two (making notes on papers). Made a plan now all I need are references. I know how many I want per section so just gotta find the info. Feel like this question will be easier to answer than the last because it’s with reference to a case and the programme lead made the question v specific.

Energy drinks helped me focus with the last essay but noticed they’re giving me heart palpitations so gonna have to stop 😭

Sat with some of my course friends last class and actually felt v left out of the convos so gonna go back to sitting on my own. Idk I don’t like feeling left out/overlooked in group settings. Ik no one does but it’s worse for me because my brain over analyses it and then I feel very low.

went out for drinks with A + A (they weren’t the ones who I felt left out with they were sat elsewhere) after class at this place that A recommended. The food was so good and loved the vibe of the place. We ordered a few rounds of drinks and had a good time.

(didn’t sit with them in class because A was v late 😭 (came for the last class) and the other A was sat next to T). T still makes me nervous.

work

working tomorrow and the day after. 12 hour shifts. Not looking forward to it at all but it is what it is.

gym/health

managed to go gym 3 times last week 🥳. Been eating healthier too with the odd unhealthy snack here and there 🌚. Hopefully I can go gym 3x this week as well.

dating

deleted the LGBTQ+ dating app + refuse to try hinge and bumble again so it’s back to me waiting to meet someone organically.

Nothing on the horizon tho. Don’t expect anything will be for a while.

was lurking on W’s insta earlier lmao. He posted the most adorable vid. Don’t care about showing up in the views because Ik he won’t do anything about it

mood

I’m okay. Mood is kind of low at the moment. I’ve been taking my meds tho and vitamin D supplements to help with mood and joint pain.

[queenharumiura]

"If anyone comes through that door to hurt you, I'll deal with it." (G @ Fiore from my inbox call)

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| @whiskeysmulti Context: I did say i'd random number generate lol. Of the options I had set up, the writing vibes have decided on Giotto is still the boss, and this is the first meeting. Whether we proceed with the idea this is the first interaction or not is a future convo =w=/

Ah... Fiore sure knew how to get herself into trouble.

Fiore was incredibly trusting of other people, opting to see the good rather than the bad. Life was too short to be spent being distrustful of everyone you met-- HOWEVER, it seemed that today, that mindset had backfired on her.

She doesn't wish to go into detail of how this happened, but all you need to know is that Fiore had eventually realized: this isn't the newly opened cafe in town.

In fact, these fellows have escorted her to some shady looking part of town. She should've realized something was fishy when they name dropped her father earlier, but she naively assumed they were some friends of her Father's who were off duty.

With her quick thinking, she managed to slip away, but how far can a woman in a dress... in heels... in a shady part of town go without being noticed? She was directionally challenged so it wasn't like she could run herself to safety.

With the sound of rushed footsteps behind her, she noticed a building with light illuminating from the windows. Disregarding the fact she got herself in this situation- she's usually quite lucky! She rushed into the building and locked eyes with a person.

"I apologize sir, I'm being chased by some unsavory individuals..." She notices that he has tattoos running down his face and she can't help but shed some tears mentally. Did she... escape the fan to jump into the fire? "I was desperate to get away... I'm sorry to be a bother."

He'd motioned for her to closer and thoughtlessly, she did so. Despite how he looked, something in her gut was telling her that she could trust this man.

He says something to her and she smiles softly, feeling safe now. "Thank you sir, my name is Fiore Rossi, it's a pleasure to meet you."

[mydetroitshit]

06 16 2023

i want to bring back the blog

i have been on my cabinet painting journey lol so that's what i did all day in the morning

but then after drove to ann arbor for the ann arbor summer fest to see the girlies!

we drove thru an insane rainstorm to get there.

they were just drying off the chairs when we arrived and we saw a group named sabetye perform. great vibes!!!

there were some drag performers in the back and a band marching band as well

little did we know THIS person would become such an important character of the night

the energy was already becoming a lot it was building.

we are seated chilling getting ready to see scw and this white guy w headphones is like powerwalking by and he has a vinyl in his arm but one of the records falls out of the case.

i was like HEYY!

but didn't get up to get it lol but a good samaritan fit going crazy did!

they picked it up the record but then had to CHASE the guy down bc he was walking so fast and then the record hero offered the white guy his record back that he dropped and the dude like made the gesture of NO THANKS DON'T TALK TO ME?? and kept walking lmfao

idk what he was thinking??? but then the record hero had to offer the record again and apparently have a long convo w the guy. we talked to the record hero after and they said the yt guy gave them $5 for that

anyway

so we are waiting for the show to start and this person stands up and makes an announcement like just want to say welcome to the festival. i guess they are from one of the orgs sponsoring....

but they keep going like "thank u i just want to say we need to use our privilege to make a difference!! run for office u guys!! we are on stolen land! all the buildings around us were built by slaves!!!" ..........it was a lot.

so the show happens it was amazing they sounded and looked ethereal and scw's set gets cut short bc of the time constraint/noise ordinance etc

this same person who made the privilege announcement kanye wests the stage and grabs the mic from the host like 'NO WE WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN!! this is a democracy!! who wants her to finish her set!! that girl wasn't allowed to finish!!! ann arbor i can't believe you are doing this!!! let's take a vote!! who wants her to finish!!"

i guess next in the festival lineup they were going to show the black panther movie using the same stage (LMFAO)

the person was like "WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE MOVIE WHO WANTS SUPERCOOLWICKED TO COME BACK!!??"

the audience is lost and confused lmfao

then this person like runs off the stage?? and starts (by the way they are barefoot) knocking over all the plastic chairs that are set up in the audience?? like galloping down the row flicking them down one by one.

this was insane. to witness

the gemini energy was strong it had to crackle!

if this person reads this tho, whoever u are, as a white person i will tell u wtf are u doing. u thought it was ur prerogative to take the attention of the crowd throughout the night to force us to listen to u speaking.

and then acted erratic and unhinged. however u identify as far as gender/sexuality u will always be white. so PLEASE learn to shut the fuck up. u took over that space. we watched a beautiful show and u threw a tantrum afterward and made ppl nervous instead of leaving the show inspired and joyful. if u thought that was how u advocate for an artist u are very wrong. if u want her to have more time, speak to the person in charge and advocate at the top. rushing the stage and screaming and throwing chairs is NUTS.

and the anti-racist rhetoric is so performative. pls sit with yourself and reflect on what ur role should be AS A WHITE PERSON in a safe space that is being created for/by Black people. fuck!!!!

[husbandhoshi]

OKAYYYYY buckle up guys it’s feedback time 🫡 i literally fought over which screengrabs to choose bc i’m doing this on mobile like the insane person i am :) but that’s just bc there’s so much stuff to talk abt!

ok first paragraph LMAO! but i think this is like a perfect way to start bc the fic is abt like liminal spaces and feelings and relationships and so the imagery is chefs kiss. like it’s such a familiar yet uncomfortable experience to be at a party where it’s too loud and too dark and you want to go home but you can’t. also love how it’s universal that soonyoung has terrible music taste

idk it’s not that serious but it IS bc like when minghao says It’s Me as if yn is supposed to be able to know who it is before he actually says who it is. like it continues to make the relationship seem so undefined. like does hao feel closer to yn whereas yn doesn’t know how to like . accommodate him so yn creates an illusion of distance?? also the juxtaposition !!

ok i chose to omit some excerpts bc my phone is working at like a snails pace but just know the liminal vibes are been seen and noticed!!! also i like JUST realized liminal spaces are supposed to feel uncomfortable BUT nostalgic and that kind of mirrors yn and jun’s relationship bc it’s familiar but different . like it’s changed . but we haven’t even gotten to that part yet.

anyway i chose this part bc i liked the characterization. like gentle but firm is soo him. also yn is so real for constantly worrying if ppl don’t like them

tumblr is breaking on me so i’m omitting more than i want to but some general dialogue comments like idk it just rlly does feel like a weird tense convo u have with a friend you’re not so close to. also this quote is just my favorite so it’s getting a shoutout

NO STEPS FORWARD AND NO STEPS BACK. ok wordsmith. all jokes aside this is PERFECT it’s like exactly what i was talking abt. it’s like the feeling when u look back at ur childhood and u were like WHO tf was i?!!!! also i love the establishment of the relationship yn has w jun. it’s almost like a weird friend pedestal but didn’t we all have a friendship like that.

ok last one BUTTT like first paragraph i’m circling back to the whole hao/yn dynamic like wouldn’t it just be crazy if he understood them well but yn had no way of knowing bc the way they look at their friendships is so different ????? also i think u did an excellent job at preserving the mildly tense and way too personal convos u have w That friend. and hao is consistently Incisive yet supportive and i think it’s on brand. and period all it took was one callout from a friend for yn to stand up

second paragraph i’m talking abt the imagery like Again we’re like. writing rewriting rereading the past in that way u do w ur memories.

anyway i’m a crazy person like this is definitely a English Major reading of it. but again i don’t usually read stuff like this and i deeply enjoyed it and Yes i will read deeply into stuff bc i do that all the time anyway. i think as a short little piece it’s emotive and atmospheric and a rlly good set up to a lil series 🥹🫶 mwah ty for coming to my ted talk

liminal space [11:32, friday]

xu minghao x f!reader; one-sided jun x f!reader

wc: 3.1k notes: college!au, soft angst, unrequited love, strangers(?) to friends(?) to ??, y'all i really don't know, feedback is very appreciated!

— in which you've hidden yourself away, hoping for someone to see. and then someone does.

warm light seeps through the crack beneath the door, scattering across the carpet in the darkness of your room. the noise on the other side comes muffled, music from soonyoung’s shitty playlist (he had called dibs, this time) blurring together with the cacophony of voices outside. briefly, there’s a loud cheer that rings through the house; junhui must have won his first round of beer pong of the night, judging by the whoops that followed.

sat on the floor at the foot of your bed, you bring your knees closer to your chest, tucking your chin in as you try to block out the sound. it’s almost a feat, how you managed to get yourself in this position every single time.

last month, you had told yourself you would really do it this time, that you would stand your ground and tell jun no, you wouldn’t be at the party he was hosting the following friday, or maybe ‘host it somewhere else this time.’ but then he’d looked at you with pleading eyes, expectation shamelessly displayed across his face, and your resolve crumpled like wet tissue paper.

and now here you were, hiding in your room after managing to slip away from all the commotion. it was the closest to peace and quiet you would get, for the rest of the night.

(you should have just gone with wonwoo and jihoon when they offered. they’d even given you a poorly veiled pitying look before they left.)

jun probably doesn’t even notice, you think wryly, picking at a loose tuft from the carpet. you’re sure your absence is far from sorely missed, especially with all the company they had over, not to mention the extra buzz and energy that comes with the alcohol. it’s especially why jun’s insistence on your attendance never quite makes sense to you, even after all this time—not that it really mattered.

junhui would always ask. you would always say yes.

a knock on the door makes your head jolt up. scrambling to your feet, you call out at the unexpected intrusion, tepid hope latching onto your heart. did jun finally prove you wrong? “yes?”

“it’s me,” the voice says, the quiet tone somehow carrying through the door. “minghao.”

the hope disappears as fast as it came. ah.

squashing the embarrassment that comes after predictable disappointment, you walk to the door and turn the knob slowly, peeking out from behind the open sliver. your eyes try to adjust to the sudden light. “hi.”

a polite smile. “hey.”

a long silence stretches between the two of you, even with the noise still blasting from the living room. you shift onto another foot, playing with the doorknob as a nervous habit. “…what’s up?”

“i texted wonwoo, he said you might have some hangover medicine in your room.”

“oh, i think i do,” you contemplate, pursing your lips in thought. “let me check, though.”

you turn, only to hesitate by the doorway when you look back. minghao is still looking at you. the doorknob twists once. “do you, um,” you offer awkwardly, “want to come in?”

he shrugs. “sure.”

the hinge creaks slightly as he opens it further to enter, along with a quiet click as it closes shut. you flip on your desk lamp, filling the room with a soft glow. rifling through your desk drawers, you try to ignore the way he hovers somewhere a distance behind you, shoulders bunched to shrink away from the awkwardness.

it always feels like uncharted territory with minghao, like you’re treading on a lake thinly frozen over. you’ve known him for the whole year, ever since jun first introduced you to the rest of his friends, but you don’t even think you’ve spoken more than twenty words to him in that time.

you don’t know if it’s for the lack of trying (you’ve befriended the rest of jun’s group just fine), but there was something about minghao that stilted your ability to talk to him—not that he seemed particularly interested to bridge the gap either. you supposed it wasn’t anything you were fighting for; it was something comfortable you’d come to terms with long ago, this vague acquaintanceship you’ve let remain stagnant.

you were just never really sure what to say with him.

“oh, here,” you say, holding up a bottle of nausea pills. “did you want the painkillers too?”

minghao shakes his head. “no, that’s okay, just the nausea’s good.”

you squint at him, bottle rattling as you hand it over. “i thought you were d.d. tonight?”

“i am,” minghao replies, something exasperated coloring his features. “these are for the people in the car.”

ah, you mouth. “better than a trash bag for each person?”

his lips press into a thin line, stressed at just the thought. “we’re bringing the bags just in case. i am not cleaning puke out of my car this time.”

you let out a soft laugh at that. “at least soonyoung lives here. one less person you have to worry about.”

minghao sighs, looking down at the bottle. “i’m grateful for that every single day.”

“unfortunately, that just means his mess turns into my mess,” you joke, taking a seat on the floor. your arms wrap around your legs again, curled back up to your chest.

minghao tilts his head. “wonwoo and jihoon don’t help out when they get back?”

“well,” you rescind, “our mess. but they’re usually too tired when they come back to handle whatever happens before the sun rises.”

minghao huffs out a laugh. “at least there’s only one messy drunk living with you.”

“ha, at least.”

a beat of silence. music continues to play muffled from the living room, the sound of clattering cups and ping pongs bouncing off the wooden floor.

“it’s quiet in here,” minghao comments, looking around.

nodding, you give him a tentative smile. “yeah, surprisingly.”

another beat of silence. soonyoung gets hold of the karaoke mic and starts his singing domination till dawn—or until he passes out.

“how’s the party?” you ask, immediately cringing. small talk was never your strong suite.

“it’s good,” minghao nods absently. “standard. it doesn’t seem like you’re enjoying much of it, though.”

tensing, you look up at him. in the lowlight, your eyes try to adjust his frame into focus. you try to imagine what it would be like to look at him wholly in the light, to know what the parts of him covered by shadows looked like. the way his hair rested at the nape of his neck, the shade of his eyes, where the slopes of his features began and ended. could you ever really figure him out? would you ever really know?

“is that rhetorical?” you end up saying, after a brief pause.

“just an observation.”

“yeah, well.” your hand finds its way back to the carpet, picking at the loose tuft again. “there never really is much for me out there anyway.”

“you really think so?”

you give minghao a wry smile. “i think i’ve tried to deny it for too long to not think so.”

an expression flits across minghao’s face, too quick for you to see what it resembled in the dark, before he points to the spot next to you. “can i sit? i think i’d like some peace and quiet myself, too.”

befuddled, it suddenly dawns on you as you scooch over slightly to make room that this was the longest conversation you’ve ever had with minghao. you can’t even manage a verbal response in your surprise, settling for a jerky nod before he plops down next to you.

neither of you say anything after that, sitting quietly as the clock ticks by. you try glancing at him, but you whip your head away before he can notice. you really didn’t think it would ever get this far; maybe you should have said no—(stop, you silently rebuke yourself. that’s rude to even think about.)

“can i be honest?” you try instead, breaking the silence.

minghao turns his head to face you. “hm?”

you bite your lip, contemplating on how to phrase it. “i’m just kind of surprised. you know, that you wanted to stay.”

“at the party?”

“no, like…” you resist a sigh, forcing the words out thin and pressed. hell. “in my room. with me.”

“what?” he raises a quizzical brow. “why?”

“i don’t know,” you confess. it seems stupid when you say it out loud. “i thought you didn’t like me, or something.”

minghao pauses. “what’s there not to like?”

you bite your tongue, enough for it to hurt and taste the metal. “no, nevermind. forget i said anything.”

“no, seriously,” he insists, and it’s something you’ve never heard from minghao before. gentle, but firm, like he won’t let it go until you tell him the truth. “what’s there not to like?”

but you can’t tell him the truth; you can’t lie to him either. there isn’t much you know what to say, when it comes to anything you haven’t already specifically curated per occasion. maybe that was why it was so hard with minghao—you could never tell what he wanted you to be.

“everyone sees it, you know,” minghao continues. “how much you care. it’s why they like being around you. they all see you as a good friend.”

your gaze shifts to the ground, giving a dry smile as you curl further into yourself. you almost want to laugh. “everyone, huh?” 

from a few familiar chords, you hear soonyoung starting his encore rendition of ‘don’t stop believing,’ with the extra tambourines and all. it almost does a good enough job of filling in the silence that hangs in the air, if only you couldn’t feel the hesitation from minghao before he speaks again.

“but you like him, right?”

“what?”

“jun. you like him.”

you whip your head towards him, eyes widening. “what?”

minghao has the decency to look at least somewhat apologetic about his bluntness, but it does nothing to quell your panic as you scramble to deny his accusation. except, the defense dies on your lips when you remember it’s not so much an accusation as it is a statement. you like jun. you know it, and he knows it too.

“how—how did you know?”

he gives you a borderline sheepish look. “it’s kind of hard not to tell.”

i seriously want to die, you moan internally, head falling back between your knees. “are you serious? is it just some open secret then?”

the ground might as well open and swallow you whole. maybe if you were lucky you’d walk outside and the zombie apocalypse would have started and you would never have to worry about this again—

“i think i’m the only one who knows, though.”

you stop. “oh.”

“yeah.”

“i thought you said it was obvious.”

“it is.”

something builds up in your chest, about to explode. “so why—”

“it is, when you know where to look.”

you open your mouth to say something in response, but you don’t even know where to start. all that really comes out is a little noise in the back of your throat, half of an objection that can’t even make its way past your lips before minghao continues.

“you’re not the only one that watches, you know.” your eyes flick to his, but once your eyes meet it feels more like he’s looking at you. like he’s latched onto you and you don’t know how to have him let go. minghao has your loose thread between his fingers, and he pulls gently. “maybe no one else notices, but we’ve been around each other long enough for me to see how you look at jun.”

your breath catches. “and how do i look at him?” (the question is less for minghao and more for yourself.)

“you’re the first one to see him arrive and the last to see him go.”

it’s strange. you never once thought you would ever end up in this position with minghao, much less tonight, where you had come into it determined to hide yourself away. and yet here you were, talking to him for what might as well be the first time with frayed edges and bared thread.

“what,” you try to deflect, a strained smile pulling at the corners of your lips. “a friend can’t do that?”

minghao gives you a pointed look, almost exasperated, as if waiting for that thread to finish pulling loose. “i think we both know friends don’t look at each other like that.”

you don’t think you have minghao figured out (your only solace is that you don’t think he has you totally figured out either), but he’s coming into focus for you, little by little. it’s why you allow that final stitch to unravel, loose thread pooling at your feet. “just me though, right? he, on the other hand, looks at me like a friend just fine.”

he hums. “you think so?”

you breathe out a short laugh, too realistic to be anything but bitter. “why else do you think jun asked me to live with a bunch of other guys? there’s no way he could think of me as anything more than a friend after that.”

there’s a pause, the type you’ve learned during the course of this night that means you need to prepare for what minghao’s about to say next. “then why’d you say yes?”

poignant. hard-hitting. you still don’t really know what to say in response when he asks you questions like these. there isn’t really much you can tell him either, not without sounding pathetic.

(junhui would ask. you would always say yes. you recognize the weight of this more than anyone.)

and as self-aware as you are, you also know that you just can’t say no to jun. not when you’ve loved him ever since he’d gotten all scratched up trying to feed the little kittens hiding in the schoolyard bushes back when you were 14, not when you’ve been with him through it all—the fake sick-days, the last-minute cram sessions the morning before a test, the time you’d opened the door on a sunday evening and he’d stood there mud-covered and scrape-kneed holding out a single four-leaf clover to you. because you had said you’d wanted it, because he wanted to be a reason for your good luck.

yet time passes and it stops for no one, and while jun has taken it in full stride, friendly and magnetic to everyone he chances upon, the same cannot be said for you. no matter how hard he tries to drag you along to every occasion, you realize it will always be just that—his hand tugging you along, you will always be watching him from behind.

“he’s my friend.” it echoes empty. you’re sure minghao can hear it too. “nothing can really change that.”

no steps forward and no steps back, you’re stuck in this liminal space, trapped in the memory of being that girl who cried for hours after she accidentally stepped on a snail on a rainy day, the girl who wanted that four-leaf clover because she was scared to go to a school without jun there next to her.

sometimes, you wonder if jun knows how you feel about these types of things and he tries to drag you along with it anyway. maybe it’s his silly idea of exposure therapy, that if he brings you to enough of these events and introduces you to enough new people that you’ll finally grow and change with him. but you’re not really changing, you’re just trying—for jun, who still doesn’t realize the smile you give him every time you say ‘yes’ is pressed and designed specifically to make him happy.

but minghao looks at you, really looks at you, and asks, “but you want it to? change, i mean.”

you draw in a short breath, quiet. “i don’t know.”

“then…” his eyes shine, distinct in the lowlight. “do you want to change?”

gnawing on your bottom lip, you rip your gaze away, staring back to the floor. you’ve thought about it over and over, especially on nights where you’ve hidden yourself away. a part of you wants to keep being that person, the one you know that jun will keep coming back to. it’s familiar, it’s what he knows, and there’s a security in that, for both you and him. you know what it means to change, to not necessarily be the person that falls into step with jun—and as much as you’ve wanted to be that for as long as you can remember, you want to start moving past that, even if it means you’ll grow into a person jun won’t recognize anymore.

“maybe,” you say finally, like defeat in the admittance. “i think i’m just tired.”

there’s a brief moment of silence, one where the weight of your answer rests heavy. minghao opens his mouth to say something else, but before he can, seokmin’s loud voice bounces through the house, resonating.

“myunghooo where are you…! let’s go hoooome!”

minghao gives you an apologetic smile instead, shuffling to his feet. “i’m sorry, i think that’s my cue to go.”

“ah, no, you’re good,” you respond hurriedly, standing up after him and rushing to the door to open it for him. “i’m sure i’ve kept you here long enough.”

“hey,” he says, right as you twist the doorknob. there’s a gentle reminder in his gaze. “i wanted to stay.”

something lodges in your throat, something you’re not sure how to even verbalize, but you’re saved by another holler.

“myuuuunghoooooo!”

“coming!” minghao calls out, before turning to you. “i’ll see you later, okay?”

yeah, you mean to say, but the word gets caught between breath and speech as you look at him go. with the door open, the bright hallway light scatters throughout your entire room, the warm light from your desk lamp and the hallway blurring together into one; and yet, minghao comes into focus, all at once.

“minghao,” you interrupt, right as he steps foot out the doorway. he looks back at you, curious. “thank you,” you wring your fingers together. “for listening to me.”

minghao smiles, a slight quirk of his lips. “of course.”

as you watch him turn around, you think that this is the end of it, but then he pauses, for just another second. you blink, waiting.

“whether you choose to or not,” he says, and your mind flashes back to your previous conversation. if you want to change, if you truly want to let go of jun. “i’ll always be here, if you need anyone to listen.”

after the night has come to a close, when you’ve finished cleaning up the house and everyone has gone to bed, your mind swims with the memory of his words, the echo of the conversation still rushes in your ears.

and you think you might just hold him to that.

tbc.

please leave feedback if you enjoyed the fic!

[luciusspriggss]

i also need to be honest that i am hyperfocusing so much on the ted lasso finale

because i realized yesterday/this morning, that my roommate and i have an uncanny number of things in common

our overall affect and i dunno...personality? (he is VERY easy going. i am too but he takes it to another level) are very different

but everything else? i am distraught that we never became friends sooner

i am sad because he is the only one in my life right now i feel safe enough to be myself and look for support

but i cant entirely because he is best friend's with my ex.

the whole reason we never became friends is because i didnt want to ruin his friendship with my ex. my ex ALWAYS went to him for every problem we had (usually before they were even resolved. jes would get defensive and leave the conversation before i could explain myself)

so like...if i became friends with him, it would have been harder for him to listen to my ex complain about me. i tried to protect their friendship even though that meant i never got to know my roommate after living three years together. based off the things jes said, i thought he hated me.

but i guess the feeling was mutual. we both thought we didnt like each other and we both detached to not make things harder for the living situation

but we have been getting to know one another. i try to never talk to him about my feelings and problems with jes, but he is actually a kind guy who recognizes my ex is treating me in an awful manner and he checks in on me to see if i am okay with everything

i give basic broad answers so as to not reveal too much. and i apologize if i ever feel like i am divulging too much information that will burden him more. i have apologized for being detached, and the part i played in the shitshow that was our living situation. i admitted to him, that while i tried to get jes to not talk to him many times, i should have also been advocating for him and how it must have made him feel as well.

and part of the convo with my ex yesterday (which was me setting boundaries and standing true to what i need and what i believe while simultaneously making sure they know i care about them) involved them claiming how unfair it is that i tell our roommate "everything" that is happening between us.

and i was so flabbergasted. they were mad that i disclosed to him that jes tried to rape me. but like...they did. if they didnt want that to be revealed they shouldn't have done it. it is not my fault they willingly chose to forget it ever happened instead of trying to make it up to me.

also, i had to put it to them straight, that i dont tel him everything, i only talk about shit when HE checks in on me and discloses his own problems with jes and how he can only imagine how it is affecting me. i keep it simple and dont reveal much

and i told them how unfair it is that they have been doing worse the entire time we lived together, and how it wasn't fair to our roommate and myself.

even went for the jugular by revealing to them that i DEFEND jes the entire fucking time when i talk to our roommate. and how lonely it is to finally have someone who accepts me for who i am, genuinely enjoys spending time with me, and actually sees the world the same way i do, and i dont feel comfortable talking to him about my problems, because i am trying to respect jes as much as possible

i just...

my roommate and i actually vibe very well

and to be truthful, we matched on tinder months before i met jes. i chose to unmatch (for good reasons)

if my roommate and i had become friends sooner, i would have been able to see through jes' shit so much quicker. simply because, my roommate is actually a good fucking person

and it kills me, that we will never have a good friendship, or one that we both would greatly benefit from, because he is best friend's with my ex

do you know how hard it is to find someone you actually feel at peace with? and they were living with you the whole fucking time. and nothing great will come of it because of your ex?

do you know how hard it is for me to trust him? to see the real him, and not the version my ex poisoned me against? to recognize all the years we lived together, when i was distraught HE would tell jes to check in on me. and then jes would get mad at me because he suggested it and i shouldn't have been sad about shit in the first place?

that when we would all party, HE was the one i always had fun with because my ex would neglect me and usually pick fights with me or get mad at me

that HE didnt want to go to bars and get drunk all the time, my ex did, he just went to be a supportive friend to them? neglecting his own needs and desires to help them out because my ex needs it?

that fundamentally my roommate and i agree on life, politics, food, living, music, fucking everything MORE than i do with jes

do you know how fucking insane it is that i lived with someone for three years and had no fucking clue how cool, genuine, and amazing they are?

i'm just so bitter. we both have acknowledged to one another that we wish we had been friends sooner.

he is the one that tells me i am valid for feeling as upset about my ex as i do. he admits to me he did not understand why we ever tried to live together in the first place post-breakup, and i admit to him i didnt want to, they convinced me i was being manipulative and in the wrong for wanting to leave

do you know how nice it is, to have someone who hears about how much i am struggling with my ex and new roommates, and ON HIS OWN, takes the initiative to contact our landlord, my new roommates, figure out lease agreements and shit, just to help me out and ease my stress a little?

he is doing so much he doesn't have to. and it's crazy because we really don't spend that much time together. we exist on our own doing our own thing. i wish we could spend more time together, but that gets into the whole intruding on his and my ex's friendship thing. sometimes we watch ted lasso together, but that's it.

just talks in the kitchen and garden about life

and it is nice to have someone not insult me or make fun of me while we talk about shit

this is bare minimum shit. that my ex never gave me.

he tells me i'm allowed to be angry, i'm allowed to be upset, that i don't have to defend my ex all the time, and that when he moves out he still wants to hang out and be friends

i wish i met him under different circumstances. and actually took the time to get to know him the normal way. without my ex being present at all.

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captains Log No. 37_February;It came & went *whoosh*

Wow, wild quick photo dump because my Aquarius Square Taurus needs to do things in order and I cant post anything else until I do something with all these pics and post this lmao.

Moo.

Gigii is my soul mate 5eva! I am so grateful because we get to connect and just vibe out being mystical dreamy souls everyday. ~ Blessed

Been leveling up the mystoryyyyy! Proud of the growth every second more people creating a business and thriving and look how good this shi looks! Lucas lameth mystory foodssss. I’m obsessed.

Valentine’s day w my boo. I was so surprised when he had me pull up because he has been spendin more time on Fivem working on his server and things. Im like woaaah when did you even have time because im always tryna get you online. I was tearin up yall. He had my name up in balloons, special trees on the property, lights and gifts, he got me some boots and set up a date doing the most Sag ass thing lmaoo base jumping and skydiving.

Sexy ass... :P

Here we are on this high ass mountain in the brick ass cold about to jump lmao. I was like only this man could get me to do this. XD

Then we played w guns :)

These pictures are not synchonized in time so yea for a brief moment in time my girl Videl (Now Valentine) was living across the street from me, It was a fun cute day we had before she had to go live with her new Soro sisters to pledge but maan it was so fun! She def deserves all the space much bigger than what she had so I dont blame her for moving AT ALL. I cant wait to see her new spot though im sad we not neighbors anymore. :(

Us and our lil ones enjoying lunch and icecreaamss XD

I do enjoy riding around the mystory south sim. So chill for me when im seshing.

Wav’s rez day was such a great time, it was all our newly made friends and we got to see who’s really down with us. Blessed & grateful!

BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN EVERYWHEAA!

We recorded a whole episode of meta love talks and never put it out, we had this whole idea of an event that we wanted to do that we plugged and prepared application forms for and did not go through with it. . . not yet at least! That pic is from the unaired ep. XD

Lol it be like that.

Me and mini me taking produc pictures for the new cakepops for starseeds botanica! now available on marketplace:

https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/138024

Super proud of being able to call this gentleman my pops, and to have spent Feb hearing some important history and lessons that are going to be ingrained in my mind and spirit forever! Carter G Woodson thank you for creating black history month for us! Bless!

PANDA PANDA! Great poet, loved hearing them spit bars on the last poetry night event. New people came up that were so good and inspiring forreal!

BHM events were amazing, tap into Meroe facebook for all the pics and updates about thaaat. Wav and my dad Ras went off and it was so heartwarming to see them working and collabing together. So much more I can say about it but words aren’t enough. Grateful, grateful. Ase.

Chillen on the farm, abundance is our birthright!

Now my life is filled with ritual iw and rl, I love starseeds botanica products. I am proud of myself for creating them. Better than I imagined and just the beginning! I got so much more to create! Inshallah

One of the most synchronistic things that happened last month, I ran into the Oatsmill sisters. I was just telling Wav days before about how I saw one of Sage’s sister’s mystory shops being advertised, I didnt realize she had sisters before then. I told him how important legacy names are in that regard, because I respect Sage as an artist, creator and businesswoman I trust her family automatically. So after having this convo I am at my favorite spot in the sandbox. I literally have this particular spot saved in my favorites... and I come back from being afk and there are the Oatsmill sisters working on things nearby me.. just randomly we were all there at the same time. I had never met them inworld until that moment. It was super magickal and we connected instantly. I got to see some cool stufss and eat chicken you know Sage can COOOK! I LOVE THEM!

Salsa nights at Teranga Absinthe lounge is a vibeee, I am super happy to have connected with these beautiful black women , feb felt like faith being restored day by day. Loved it.