#like have you seen who she has to deal with lmao what person mentally stable would say
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fandom calling pudding selfish for what she did at the end of wci don't understand the nuances of being an absolute gaslight gatekeep girlboss who can't help but be messy to further the plot
#she's a gray morality character OF COURSE she was gonna so something absolutely unhinged like erase the narrative#like have you seen who she has to deal with lmao what person mentally stable would say#âhey these couple days were so much fun i'm glad you were my fiancĂŠeâ to which pudding is ??? bc WHAT ABOUT THE MURDERS#and sure sanji only thinks about the good moments blah blah blah BUT pudding's âevil sideâ is realistic af#the past few days were a complete shitshow BUT pudding (who didn't want to get married) made sure to cooperate and turn things in her favor#SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED IN THE END. she's free from the act and go back to her everyday life even tho it feels stale now#oda said something interesting aka that the most important romance we'll see is the love for an adventure#and that's the point really everything sucked but somehow despite the attempted murders the chaotic side adventure brought joy#but she's not gonna leave that door open of course bc it turns her world upside down and she can't allow that#genuinely think she's gonna be the crew's cheshire cat in the future in the sense that she's gonna aid them on their quest#bc she loves the thrill of the adventure but also be an absolute bastard about how she helps bc it's fun đ
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astrology observations part oneâźď¸âźď¸
(disclaimer: i'm no professional and these are just personal observations so it's not the end of the world if they're not accurate đ)
people with the moon in the eighth house don't express their needs because it makes them feel vulnerable, but throughout their life they learn that the universe can't give them what they want unless they speak up
ik this is kind of a stereotype but virgo mercury is actually so good with their schoolwork/work and everything (as long as they're mentally stable) they're like the go to people if you're doing group projects
those with a scorpio venus probably would legitimately kill to protect the one they love, i've seen some go crazy when you do so much as insult their s/o (even if their moon sign is in the seemingly more aloof signs like capricorn)
leo moons will think you're upset with them if you forget to say hello when you run into them, if you ignore them they'll never speak to you again lmao
cancer stereotypes aren't true at all đ they're not big crybabies who try to guilt trip you all the time (unless you've met a cancer mars-) but obv they're gonna be hesitant to open up at first because they've had to have been hurt before to know what it's like to feel that deeply, but then they can be very comforting people to be around. (one of my friends is a cancer moon and i went to her after a breakup and she gave me a hug and was all like "HE CAN GO F OFF AND YOURE GONNA SHOW OFF YOUR NEW PERSON AND HE'S GONNA BE JEALOUS BECAUSE HE FKED UP- DONT YOU DARE CRY" and it was so sweet- also she has a fire sun lol)
ik two people who both have mars in cancer and when they're upset it's actually a big pain to deal with, these people will scream and cry, they'll make you cry, bring a lot of their feelings into it and take your every move personally like deadass you can't breathe the wrong way and they'll be crying for hours (one had mars in a square with pluto and the other had an 8th house mars so this prolly amplified their aggression)
those with venus conjunct/trine saturn or with saturn in the seventh (maybe fifth) house may feel like no one deserves them because they're such dutiful partners and give lifelong commitment, but they've attracted partners who don't take relationships seriously and then had to carry the weight of the relationship and put all the effort in just for someone who doesn't care
same goes for a water venus/venus in 4th, 8th, or 12/venus-moon, venus-pluto, venus-neptune with feeling like no one deserves them because these ppl give that deep emotional love
however negative aspects between venus and saturn (VENUS-CHIRON TOO) can be the opposite and feel like they're unworthy of/not good enough for the partners who come into their life
8th/12th house placements are usually into occultism and stuff (i have a stellium in one of these houses and a lot of other people who are into astrology do too)
mercury-mars aspects can actually think of a solution so fast, and these people WILL cut you with their tongue and be the biggest pain to get into an argument with. maybe they were around people who showed this kind of behavior to them as a kid so they just picked it up from their childhood
don't even try to get a capricorn or aquarius moon to talk about their feelings they never will LMAO
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đđłđđ¤đ¸ for sivala?
JUMBO OC ASK GAME
đ does your OC act petty and jealous easily? what sort of things make them feel like this and do they experience guilt for getting so worked up? how do they deal with these emotions when they get them? if your OC doesnât feel like this often, why not?
answered here <333
đł compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. how has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? would they say theyâre in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? what advice would they give their younger self? what advice would their younger self give to them now?
hoo boy. sivala ten years ago was obviously very different, bc her life was the complete opposite, and she's obviously kinda... lost everyone lmao. i will say i think her development had already started by then though; yasta's death would've been pretty recent (within the last year or so) and that's what first started real change in her personality.
she was ironically a lot more emotionally stable / self-possessed, bc she'd worked very hard to forge herself into the Perfect Jedi and put aside her more dangerous feelings. she was however having problems with meditation (as she does for the rest of her life, bc meditation was so intrinsically tied with yasta in her head that she couldn't do it bc of the pain) and her control was beginning to fray; she was having more emotional responses in stressful situations. given that she was a consular and theyâre so bound up in meditation and study, diplomacy and emotional regulation, this was... obviously not great.Â
by 9 bby, she's driven by emotion. by her pain and her hope combined. she can generally still talk circles around people â she's slippery! â but she's more likely to leap first and ask questions later than she used to be. her best plans come as a consequence of extremely poorly thought-out decisions. thereâs a reason she doesnât run the path on her own, and itâs not bc she just loves people so much <3
she would not say she's in a better place shdsjkdjkds. she loves the people she protects; she loves the people who help; she loves the few remaining jedi she's found. she'd still trade it all in a heartbeat to have back what she's lost. honestly, the main advice she would give herself is probably: don't let the people you love out of your sight. also, like... always have a backup plan? always have contingencies in place? open up untraceable accounts and get ready to run.
younger sivala: could you fucking. chill out please. and meditate a little. please. older sivala: â seen 10:56
đ talk about some of the traumatic events in your OCâs life. these events can be ones that have happened to them or a loved one. these events can be minor or major.
thereâs so much oh my god. i obviously canât ignore order 66, bc itâs the biggest one; sivala was on siskeen with two other jedi when the order was given out, and when their men turned on them, she watched both of those jedi die. half-jumped, half-fell a few hundred feet off a separatist skiff and survived by the skin of her teeth. then she felt vuren die on coruscant, swiftly followed by practically the entirety of the order, and the sudden silence in the force literally had her screaming at times, she was so desperate to block it out. she doesnât, uh... actually know precisely how vuren died, and she certainly never recovered his body, so thereâs that added guilt on top of her usual survivorâs guilt.
yastaâs death iâve already talked abt đ¤ thereâs also, yknow. the usual horrors of war. even before yasta passed, sivala wasnât sleeping well. for years, sheâd been a mediator; she was trained in combat, and she carried a lightsaber, but she spent more time negotiating with politicians and furthering the expansion of the jedi archives than she did actually fighting. sheâd killed before, but not on such a huge scale, and the realities of war vs the skirmishes sheâd been part of in the past were weighing on her heavily. she saw a lot of shit that messed her up. some of it still features in her nightmares a decade later, even after everythng else thatâs happened.
đ¤ what was your OC like as a baby, a child and as a teen? (if your OC is a teen or a child, what will they be like as an adult?). how have they changed since then? what lessons have they learned and what things about their youth do they miss the most? do they have any general regrets?
as a young baby (under three), she was relatively easy. she cried like other kids, but wasnât particularly prone to tantrums; mostly, she just seemed curious. however, after the jedi brought her to coruscant, sivala became... a bit of a nightmare. she threw screaming fits that could be heard even outside the creche; refused to listen to any authority figure (and... honestly probably bit at least one of their minders); generally made a bit of a name for herself as one of the worst younglings of her generation. she was actually a bit of a bully during her younger years, and i think her and quinlan came to blows a few times, bc theyâre around the same age and i donât see him just taking that.
as a teen, though, sheâd grown a lot. through yastaâs guidance, she eventually developed a real skill for meditation and emotional control; yasta was herself known for her more emotional nature, and she understood a lot of what sivala was going through. i think she definitely saw some of herself in her padawan. which is good, bc by helping sivala deal with her whole... shit, she leads sivala to like... actually repenting for being an asshole as a kid, and apologising very maturely. sivala was pretty desperate to prove herself and pass the trials, like most padawans, but she went about it patiently. she understood it was something she couldnât take lightly, and something she had to work for.Â
sheâs obviously changed a lot, as iâve already covered. and she has a lot of regrets surrounding her survival / the lack thereof of the people important to her. but she regrets taking things for granted, too; regrets thinking of the jedi as a timeless, concrete thing that would never fade, now that sheâs lost it. she regrets that she didnât tell people she loved them more. she regrets the goodbyes she never said. the hellos. the girl is mired in regret đ¤ˇ
đş does your OC have any tattoos or other body art? does their body art have any specific meaning behind it? do they have any scars? how did they get those scars? any birthmarks?
no tattoos, but plenty of scars! most of them are ones she got during the clone wars, but she spent a few years as a smuggler between order 66 and forming the path, so sheâs got quite a few from runs gone wrong. she definitely has some kind of facial scar, but i havenât figured out where yet. she has a number of blaster-wound scars on her torso, too. and one birthmark on her shoulder-blade! itâs about an inch and a half big and it doesnât really look like much, but obi-wan kisses it sometimes and sivala gets very overwhelmed when he does.Â
#made some new oc meme banners n i totally forgot abt them im stupid#anyway............#THANK U SM SOPHIE ILY <3 i love talkin abt my baby n u pulled NO PUNCHES w these questions#answered#shadowglens#ch: sivala sylwiri
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Reacting to Your Death
So obviously I didnât write all of them, but hereâs how I interpret the SMP members that are written would react to you dying.Â
Warnings: Spoilers for Tommyâs latest stream (Literally like one offhand), obviously death, lots of angst, violence mentions, Schlatt for anyone who doesnât like him I suppose
Theme: angst, obviously itâs just them and how they deal with your death.
Characters; all the ones with (p) are strictly platonic but the others are up to personal interpretation: Dream, George, Sapnap, Wilbur, Techno, Schlatt, Tubbo (p), Ranboo (p), Tommy (p), Awesamdude, Niki, Karl, Quackity, Minx, Badboyhalo, Phil, DreamXD, Skeppy, Fundy.
DREAM:
- The first few days and nights, all he could do was sit inside all day.Â
- No matter who visited to comfort him, he felt a horribly large part of his heart had been ripped away when you died.
- He thought about the day when you finally told him that a dirt shack wouldnât do for a house, so you two spent days building an actual house.
- After those first few days, he decided he would bring you back.Â
- The revive book had worked for Tommy and Wilbur, so it had to work for you.Â
- He swore he would bring you back. So he did.
GEORGE:
- He didnât know how to feel at first. He would get terribly depressed, then angry, and then numb, over and over.
- After a week of this, he then could hardly stop crying. What was he going to do without you? The realisation that he was without you hit him like a truck.
- Whenever he would go out with friends, he made it a habit to pick one of your favourite flowers each day.Â
SAPNAP:
- He was crushed. He acted out more and more often out of anger to avoid his sadness and hurt, but when he was alone all he did was try so, so hard not to cry.Â
- Bruised and bloodied knuckles were his most worn accessory.
- Often slept in your house, as a way to feel closer to you. He spends a lot more time in your house than his.
- Always remembered your birthday, but every birthday just made him more sad.Â
- Eventually he would go to Dream about the revive book too.
WILBUR:
- You had been the only one to see past his flaws in a wary way, and he was heartbroken when you died.
- He often sat on your porch and sang songs he had once sang to you, as well as songs he knew youâd loved, and songs heâd written for you.Â
- He was the one to make your grave, and had promised to be kinder.
- Though he loved being alive, he didnât like that you couldnât also have a second chance at life as well and felt it unfair.
- Probably resorted to a little bit of violence once he got to the anger stage of grieving.
TECHNOBLADE:
- He was always a pretty quiet guy, but when you died he went silent for weeks aside from when he was alone.
- When he was alone, he went into his library. He found all of your favourite books, worn and bent on pages from you reading them over and over, and he would read them aloud.Â
- He hoped you could hear him from wherever you were as he read the books you had loved.
- He spent a lot of time awake as he did this, oftentimes getting very invested in what you had loved.
- If he wasnât reading, usually he was in bed, wondering about how he couldnât save you.Â
SCHLATT:
- Of course, in public he looked composed as he usually was, as if it wasnât eating him up inside that you were gone.
- ���Who was that again?â
- When alone, he falls apart immediately.Â
- People assume that when heâs waking up at near to noon itâs because heâs drinking, but itâs really because your death kept him up all night every night.
- He hardly even drank now, because of the secret promise heâd made to you.
- Though you were dead now, he still wanted to keep his promise, just in case.
TUBBO:
- Was the one who made everyone promise to get along when Wilbur made the funeral.
- Was entrusted with the love and care of your stuffed animals or anything from your childhood.
- Has your old childhood photos framed along with his own, so others often stop by to look at the photos to remember you by.
- Probably has your old horse as well, and takes really good care of them.
RANBOO:
- You two had been really close friends before you died. You were such good friends that he didnât even need his book to remember you were friends, so of course he was absolutely crushed.
- Though he tried his best to stay stable to avoid certain things, he was upset.
- He definitely gave a speech at your funeral.
- He often sits in your room, talking aloud as if you were still with him.
- He would often repeat old jokes you used to tell each other, laughing softly and trying his best to not get too upset.
- If he wasnât in your room, he was in your old garden tending to your flowers.
TOMMY:
- Heâs also more aggressive like Sapnap, except moreso verbally.
- He blames himself heavily for what happened to you, and he mentally beats himself up about it all the time.
- âIt was my fault Y/Nâs dead, I get it!â
- Heâs not much of a cryer.
AWESAMDUDE:
- All of his pain and sadness get put aside with work. He works harder, he makes it so he hardly has time to think about it.
- When he does think about it, he just feels so heavy the rest of the day, like thinking about your death has sucked the rest of the dayâs energy from him.
- Sometimes heâs teased for suddenly being so sluggish and unlike himself, but he canât even muster the energy to explain that he was thinking about you and how he missed you so badly that it hurt him deeply.
- To say the least, he felt like he had believed too much in you having more time. He should have known not to trust in fate.
NIKI:
- She for sure has any other pets you had. She takes extra good care of them.
- Thereâs a little spot in her garden dedicated to you.
- She had shut down for a good while after your funeral, where she hardly spoke to anyone and often lay in bed all day to try and remember you.
- Although as time went on, she decided you would have hated seeing her in bed all day like that and started doing her normal routines.
KARL:
- He knew he should have seen it coming, but⌠somehow, he didnât.
- He felt a little guilty about this thought, and it often kept him from doing any normal tasks.
- He misses the days when one of you felt bad so the other would do everything in their power to make them feel better.Â
- Needless to say, he started writing letters to you, even if it was just to keep himself a little busy.
QUACKITY:
- Laughing Through the Painâ˘
- He spends a lot more time making sure people arenât worried, by making really bad jokes as usual.
- The only times he cries are when he thinks too much about you, regardless of if heâs alone or not. Sometimes it makes encounters awkward.
- Heâs just sobbing one time while in the midst of a conversation with someone and heâs just like âsorry man I was thinking about Y/Nâ and they are just like â...ohâ
MINX:
- Aggressive but make it threatening and nothing more.Â
- âIf you donât fucking shut up about Y/N Iâll knock yer teeth inâ
- She just wants to be alone sometimes. She just wants to be alone so maybe the pain will stop being so bad.
- Also not much of a cryer unless itâs late at night.
BADBOYHALO:
- âYou little muffin⌠I told you not to get yourself into danger..â
- He loves to talk about you whenever people bring an old interest up.
- âI remember how much Y/N loved theseâŚâ Heâs staring at the flowers nearby. Heâs smiling sadly.Â
- Often shares good memories of you with others to help them cope a little.
- Heâs sad, but he knows it would do him no good to be so miserable that he canât do anything. And he knows how much you would scold him if he stopped being himself completely.
PHIL:
- He names a parrot after you, naturally.
- Heâs not gone as often now because he likes to stop by your grave and just talk.Â
- He collects things that remind him of you and puts them in a special chest marked with your name. Sometimes itâs things you said were cool, other times itâs just things that he associates with you.
- Drinks your favourite teas.
DREAMXD:
- Would absolutely just go âlmaoâ in the chat and then leave again
- Thatâs it, thatâs him.
SKEPPY:
- No more silly pranks with him :( no more memeing on othersâŚ
- It hits him hard
- Like Quackity, he makes a lot of jokes to mask how upset he is.
- Of course, he has Bad, but damn was it still difficult to deal with your passing.
FUNDY:
- :(
- Heâs so sad that he doesnât even want to do anything or go anywhere.
- It feels like his whole world just stopped and that nothing could hurt worse than this, and he doesnât even want to face this sadness.
- He often goes out into the woods to climb trees like the two of you used to do.
#mcyt#mcyt angst#mcyt writing#dreamwastaken#georgenotfound#sapnap#wilbur soot#technoblade#jschlatt#tubbo#ranboo#tommyinnit#awesamdude#nihachu#karl jacobs#justaminx#badboyhalo#philza#dreamxd#skeppy#fundy#Neph's mcyt stuff#Neph's writing
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Something Held | Feeding Habits Update #8
Hi all!
Not me not realizing itâs been 3 months since I posted a Feeding Habits update hahahahahaha. Today letâs chat chapter nine, SOMETHING HELD. This also marks the last chapter in Harrisonâs POV so prepare to say goodbye to this icon! TW: body horror, mental illness, trauma
Just a reminder: This is my original work and plagiarism of any form will not be tolerated.
Scene outline, excerpts & a little reflection on making difficult decisions that my not particularly benefit the book but benefit you as the writer under the cut because this update is GIGANTIC.
General taglist (please ask to be added or removed):
@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @evâwrites, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswritingâ, @aetherwritesâ
Scene Breakdown
Scene A:
It has been two weeks since Lonan found Harrison at his shared apartment with Suzanna and things are getting strange. Lonan and Suz are getting closer, Harrison is getting more distant and slowly losing it. One morning, Harrison wakes hearing Lonan and Suzâs laughter, and crawls to the kitchen to investigate. When he reaches them, Suz is evening out Lonanâs hacked haircut and theyâre both sobbing.
Scene B:
Shortly after this bizarre encounter, Suzanna steps out of the apartment for a breather because her son is sort of terrifying her! So Lonan and Harrison double-team to clean up Lonanâs hair shavings. Harrison begins eating the hair while Lonan stares and they have a conversation about the state of their friendship.
Scene Ba:
This scene is gross and confusing! More hair is ingested. My god.
Scene Bb:
After the above ordeal, both boys rinse off because theyâve been rolling?? around?? in??? hair?? but also?? things donât stop being a little gross
Scene C:
An air of calm finally settles over the apartment. Lonan brews earl grey tea for him and Harrison to share and Harrison asks if he abandoned Lonan in the final chapter of Moth Work. Lonan doesnât really answer this question so Harrison continues on his confused, but finally lucid (one-sided) conversation, admitting he understands he burdens his mother, who still has not returned. They circle back to the question of abandonment and Lonan answers Harrison the way he wants to be answered (yes), and this is a moment of freeing, where he feels some sort of responsibility in this irresponsible new life heâs led in NYC. They sort of agree to be friends again.
Scene D:
The boys head into the city to find Suzanna, heading to a bakery near the Hudson River. Lonan drives in his used car, a strange experience since Harrison has not seen him drive in years. Taking the opportunity, he searches through the car and finds a map in the glove compartment. The map is erratically scribbled over and it takes him to moment to realize this is Lonanâs map and the first indication that Lonan, who he has assumed is this stable, perfect person, is not as unscathed as he seems.
The boys pass the waterfront and Lonan nearly crashes the car into an oncoming truck. Harrison regains control of the vehicle tucking them into a side street. Shaken, Lonan apologizes for the mess heâs created both physically from his nosebleed and between Harrison and his mother, which gets Harrison a little antsy because he doesnât like the suggestion that heâs going to leave. Lonan clarifies, stating he wonât if thatâs what Harrison wants.
Scene E:
Later, everyone is back at home and Harrison wakes up to a Lonan-less bed. He gets up to investigate the strange dripping coming from the bathroom and opens the door to find Lonan precariously teetering over a sink filled with water. Harrison, concerned, moves him away and tries to ask why Lonan is presumably going underwater, but doesnât push. They both stand on opposite sides of the bathroom until the sun rises.
My process:
Honestly, writing this chapter was a huge up and down. The first half of it came much easier to me, but the rest was a literal hellfire to get through. I think I was incredibly fatigued with writing in Harrisonâs POV as Iâd been writing it since June (I finished this chapter in either December or January). This book has been a pain in the ass to write despite me liking what it is, and I really think it being the only place Iâve physically âgoneâ since the pandemic makes it even harder to write. I felt claustrophobic in Harrisonâs POV since Iâve been writing it for half a year, and in a lil ~breakdown~ my beautiful sister reminded me of something sheâd previously told me, âit's not about what works, it's about what you wantâ.
Letâs chat about this for a sec! I think I was watching a Harmony Nice video on her âhard-to-swallowâ self-care, and she basically outline (Iâm paraphrasing here) that itâs critical we care for ourselves in ways that might not necessarily be easy to do. Honestly, leaving Harrisonâs POV is one of those hard-to-swallow self-care things I literally had to do because my mental health was not happy with me! Yâall know my boys are very close to me, and Iâm not picking favourites but Lonan is 2500 times easier for me to write with at the moment. I think Harrisonâs situation and how he deals with it is much too similar to mine but in a way that is difficult to place (Lonan and I are unfortunately similar but in a way that is easier for me to understand about myself!). From the beginning of writing his POV Iâve been in Struggleville, but kept pushing through hoping the next chapter would be âthe oneâ. Not to burst my own bubble but there is no such thing in the state of mind I was in! I was pushing myself to find something that doesnât exist because my brain was really not equipped to do what I needed it to do. I really, really did not want to quit on Harrisonâs POV, but I had to, not because I donât like him (heâs my baby) but because I needed a moment to myself. I felt way too seen in ways I donât really know how to address in myself, so writing him was horribly frustrating at all times (my fault, not his).
My characters really do live in my head rent-free lol. They live in there! They take up space! They take up energy! They take up concentration, and resources I need for myself! Empathy is so integral to my process, that I give a little part of myself in everything I write. This is a blessing because I really get to dig my heels into the mind of another person, but a curse because Iâm not a machine (and sometimes I forget that). It is a lot of emotional energy and labour to give everything you have to fictional people. I donât think an artist needs to be tortured to create good art (this is not it!) but I never truly practiced this well? In my attempt to be empathetic, I was torturing myself a little bit, not going to lie!
So to combat this, I decided I needed a change. Hence, this chapter is imperfect and probably needs some stuff added to it, and while Iâve only written little of Lonanâs second POV, Iâm feeling a lot better! Itâs nice to get âoutsideâ in a different place lmao this is so sad (pandemic writing things).
Excerpts:
I wrote the beginning of this in a livestream I hosted on my YouTube channel! Thereâs also a shoutout here to my dragon tree Lisa <3 miss u boo
Two weeks go by. Lonan sleeps on the couch. Harrison wakes up at dawnâno earlier, no later. Suzanna buys a plant: a Madagascar dragon tree she names Lisa. June grows into the collar. Lonan plays sudoku in the newspaper. Harrison learns to bake focaccia, gluten-free, whole wheat. Suzanna learns to palm read, tells Lonan heâs experienced great betrayal (they stop the reading immediately; Lonan goes back to the newspapers). Harrison begins burning incense at sunriseâfrankincense. The dragon tree nearly dies (Lonan saves it). It rains every weekday that contains the letter T. Lonan shifts stacks of soggy newspapers onto the breakfast table, answers crosswords with the help of Suzanna (four across, nine letters, Something held). Harrison burns a baguette. Suzanna buys a hanging basket of pothos. The power goes out for two days and the icebox floods the kitchen tile (Lonan mops it with old newspapers, the ink running like jellyfish). June barks for the first time. Harrison eats a bundle of dried bay leaves. Suzanna waters the plants with rainwater, icewater, wrung into a coffee tin. Harrison leaves the stove on while sautĂŠing shallots (he eats them whole). Lonan wakes up feverish and fills out four newspaper crosswords, then falls asleep on the coffee table. Suzanna moulds panna cotta in coffee mugs and shares the batch with Lonan when they wonât tip out. Lonan teaches her how to propagate the pothos and soon they have twenty empty cans of cuttings poking from the windowsills. They rearrange the furniture, the couch facing the kitchen instead of the TV, the dining table right outside the bathroom, then put it all back the next day. They birdwatch from the tiny window with binoculars and a magnifying glass. They sort coupons. Whittle soaps. Watch Norwegian films without the subtitles. Discuss cliff diving. Make matching anklets (blue beads, elastic string, the plastic clacking how Harrison knows theyâre coming). All of this they do as Harrison lies on his bed for two weeks, counting the corners of his ceiling and trying to determine a way to multiply them telepathically.
This is the very next paragraph!
At first he assumes theyâre laughing. The sun nearly rising between other high rises, blotting his room with dawn. This is not a surprise. They are probably making pancakes out of buckwheat and discussing the hilarity of whole grains. They are probably laughing at store-bought cherry preserves. Too sour. Their cheeks puckered. But then the laughs get louder, and the sun rises higher and itâs not laughing at all, but gasping.
Hereâs Harrison crawling!! is this straight out of the exorcist probably!
Harrisonâs instinct is to crawl. As if his smallness against the ground will stop anyone from hearing him, even before he unlocks his door. On hands and knees he shuffles from his bed to his doorframe, edges the door open with his shoulder. On hands and knees he hikes through the hallway, the gasping getting louder, shuffling until he sees them. Lonan sitting on one of the kitchen stools, a grocery bag wound around his throat. Suzanna clacking scissors in two hands so their blades ping in the sun. Her fingers loped around his hair, knuckle-deep, the blades snipping, the gasps growing, them both sobbing, the hair falling, the sun stalking, their bodies rocking. Harrison takes it in from his crawl. Experiences it all on his knees.
So this excerpt seems really you know, normal:
They clean up the hair. Harrison with the dustpan, Lonan with the broom. Harrison still kneels. Lonan still cries. The only thing that has changed since crawling into the kitchen is that Suzanna is taking a walk around the apartment complex. She needs air. Room. If she cries long enough, a cigarette. So Lonan sweeps. Harrison collects. This repeats.
The kitchen smells of nutmeg. Freshly grated from a whole club over espresso, Harrison imagines. He smells this as he tracks Lonan with the dustpan, hovering its open belly for clippings of hair. And Lonan is so compliant, brushes cuttings of himself onto the plastic surface so Harrison can trash it. As Harrison looks on from his knees, Lonan diffuses in sunlight, the window illuminating only his edges. A body so familiar Harrison knows exactly where it flares with light or absorbs it. A body with skin like mulberry silk. A body he could recreate in charcoal with his eyes closed. His archangel translucent and luminescing.
Skip this excerpt if you donât want to read about Harrison eating hair!! iâm sorry!
Harrison picks a bundle of fallen hair from the dustpan. Itâs airy from being recently shampooed, smells faintly of pear, maybe even ginger. This hair, touched by a woman, or a few women, and cut by one, or a few, in different contexts. Elizaâs hands deveining the roots, and then Suzannaâs, trying to fix them. So Harrison eats it. That bundle like a toothpicked cube of cheese. He puts it in his mouth and swallows.
Lonan watches like heâs unconcerned. He watches this feral animalâHarrison must be something feral, starved of something and ravaged by that hunger. Chewing mouthfuls of hair like that will quell of him of what is missing, if there even is anything missing, something unidentifiable in this bland circuit of New York City, this time-loop of sonhood, this fresh start a dousing of flatness. As Harrison eats, he understands he consumes that something like itâs holy communion, reuniting with that something by absorbing it. And still, that hunger moves him, from finishing the dustpan of hair, and closer to Lonan.
âDo you think Iâm a bad friend?â Harrison asks, wringing the corner of his lips clean from loose hairs. From this perspective, Harrison on his knees collecting hair, Lonanâs eyes look bluer. Maybe their saturation has nothing to do with the angle, but Harrison feels this is true; his eyes are so crystalline, they are temptingly edible. Like two plump blueberries. Or a matching set of clear glass marbles. Harrison swallows. He repeats, âDo you think Iâm a bad friend?â
Lonan swallows, adjusts his grip on the broom. âWeâd have to be friends for me to answer that.â
âArenât we?â
And hereâs the rest of this scene!
âYouâre my motherâs friend,â Harrison says. âShe trusts you.â He crawls closer to Lonan. âYouâve got secrets. Rituals. Tell me her favourite finger-food and who she wants to marry.â
âI donât know your mother that well.â
Harrison wraps a handle around Lonanâs ankle. A muscle there jumps like a dolphin breaching the water. Heâs memorized this plane of skin, could rebuild it from single grains of sand while blindfolded. He furls his hands across its surface, unfurls.
âYou garden with her,â Harrison says. âYou share a plate for dessert.â
âSheâs kind to me.â
âYou cook her breakfast.â Harrison tugs on Lonanâs ankle, knowing it wonât raze him, knowing heâll come down anyway. âYou know the exact temperature she drinks her coffee down to the last digit.â
âIâm trying to be hospitable.â
âYouâre trying to be a son.â
Lonan kneels. Crouching so theyâre huddled over each other, so itâs nearly impossible to distinguish one body from the other, which one sinks, which one rises.
âMy motherâs only got one son to live with,â Harrison says, his voice thin from a clogged throat. He reaches for Lonanâs scalp, scrapes a line down the centre, now an even plane of cropped hair. âAnd it isnât me.â
âYouâre unstable,â Lonan says, burrowing his face either into a cabinet or Harrisonâs shoulderâneither can tell. âYou wonât let yourself have friends.â
Farther, toward the tile they go, a pile of hair scattering. âMy mother wants me to forgive you by replacing me with you.â
âSheâs grieving,â Lonan says.
Harrison loses his hands. He doesnât know where they disappear to, if he touches skin or tile. âI havenât died,â he says. Skin or tile. Skin or tile.
Hereâs an excerpt from scene C ft. this memoir bit from the time I was shocked that this university I visited had real FANCY teabags:
Lonan brews tea. Earl grey, from a tin. Harrison doesnât know why he expects it to come from a bag. An individual paper sachet, or if heâs lucky, one of those fancy ones woven from nylon. But itâs from a tin. Two teaspoons into the bottom of a single mug they pass back and forth, wordless at the kitchen table. Strung in the bathroom, Harrisonâs t-shirt hang-dries, nearly figure-like, an unfilled phantom. He tugs a throw around his shoulders and stares at his hands. Each crest of cuticle. Each bulb of knuckle. Each maze of fingerprints.
He is material. This is fact. Not just outlines. Heâs got skin that goes pinkish when pinched, a pulse that juts from his wrist, two eyes that burn at the scent of lavender, ten fingers. But as he holds his hands up, studying them in the faint moonlight, it is difficult to believe his tangibility. In the city, he has lived as a haze. Fogging over grocery stores, eateries, nondescript. Fresh start has always implied an air of zest, a zing that should have fueled him to plant roots in this restart. But Harrison is rotten, aphid infected, overwatered, underwatered, then not watered at all. He flexes his fingers. He pops the joints. He tries to press his pinkie to the back of his hand. But none of this brings him back to himself. His hands continue feeling like someone elseâs. His body invisibly marred in some way he canât reverse, disconnected in retaliation.
Harrison reflecting on his relationship with his mother:
Suzanna has never left him alone this long, and to her detriment. He imagines her now, living the life she always shouldâve lived, the life she lived before he crosscut his way to her most important thing. Sheâs probably at a salon, having her hair twirled with a round brush, making dinner reservations at some place always too expensive for two (extra points if it has a French name, more if she has to wait a half hour before getting a table). When she talks to her stylist, she doesnât mention a son, but plans to travel up the west coast, all the way into Canada if sheâs feeling adventurous. Sheâll buy crime novels sheâll never read at duty-free, reapply a lipstick that cost her a paycheck in the reflection of a hand-dryer. After the salon, sheâll meet a woman at a wine bar, converse about children, and still not mention a son. Suzannaâs singleness will be a celebration.
The boys finally trucing it out <3
When Harrison finally opens his eyes, Lonan is staring at him. His eyes two reels of the Pacific. They cycle in blue. So much of him has changed, and yet he is still the same. Beyond the haircut, Lonan isnât that much different. He canât be much different. But as Harrison searches, splaying his palm on the wet table, he knows this is untrue. Lonan is hollower than he was last summer. A little more haunted. They have this in common, then.
âCan we be friends?â Harrison asks. With his pinkie, he finds himself writing against the damp table just as he did Lonanâs scalp not too long ago. Lonanâs gaze follows each loop of each letter, Harrisonâs steady left hand.
Lonan is consumed studying what Harrison has written, where each letter connects in near-cursive scrawl. After a moment, he nods, once, twice, and then reverts to staring at the tableâs new inscription. On its surface are two words: something held.
The boys in the car like old times <3
Lonan drives. This is strange because Harrison has not seen Lonan drive a car in over a year. Usually, Harrison takes the wheel, but tonight he guides them through the city, in search of Suzanna. His car is clean. This isnât unexpected. A cherry-coloured hatchback that rattles whenever he makes a left turn. It smells vaguely of cotton air-freshener and the undercurrent of cigarettes.
âYou still smoke?â Harrison pokes at the plastic nob for the radio, and it crackles to life. Synth and electric guitar pulse in 4/4 time.
âI bought it used.â
Theyâve agreed to get to know one another while they search for Suzanna. Another restart, some attempt at an honest hour. As Lonan changes lanes, Harrison pokes open the carâs glove compartment. A tin of nicotine gum falls on the mat. A hot pink feather pokes from underneath the driverâs manual. Harrison hauls out both, runs the feather along the gum tin, then the back of his hand, and then Lonanâs cheek. When that rouses nothing, he unlocks the tin and removes a slit of gum. Right as heâs about to pop it in his mouth, Lonan says, âI wouldnât eat that.â
âWhy?â Harrison asks. âDid you lace it?â
âLike I said, I bought the car used.â
Harrison puts the gum back, and then the feather. He sticks his hand farther into the glove compartment, feels around until he drags out a map of the state, bilgy and half torn. He unfolds it, careful to avoid the rips, and flattens it against the dashboard. Almost immediately, it wilts against the cold, faded from time in the sun. Itâs been marked up. Half with pencil, half with a red ballpoint pen. After a few minutes, Harrison understands the previous ownerâs route. Or at least he does at first. Following the red pen arrows, they started at Long Island, then reached Manhattan. Then a much longer arrow takes him from Manhattan to Geneva, and then Buffalo. And then the red pen circles, once, twice, three times, four times, and what is in the centre doesnât even have a city name. What it does say is HELP, in all-caps, each letter then melting into an illegible scrawl. Harrison sees bits of words: Luke, woe, hands, clay, guard, stray, each wobbly and disappearing into the other, becoming cities of their own, destroying others. He tries to understand the route, but the farther he pours over the map, recircling each line with his finger, the more lost he gets in the ink.
âIs this your map?â Harrison asks. There is no proof that it is. Even the handwriting is all wrong. Ragged. Confused. Desperate. Not like Lonanâs careful, hesitant print.
âLike I said, I bought the car used.â
âBut is it your map?â Harrison asks again. Gently, he creases the paper and then slots it back into the glove compartment. Outside, they pass three convenience stores in a row, a flock of couples emerging from a bowling alley, tipsy and cradling leftover deep dish pizzas and mozzarella sticks. They pass two more convenience stores before Lonan finally answers.
âI was confused,â he says.
âThis is more than confused,â Harrison says. âItâs disturbed.â
âIâm not disturbed.â
âBut something is wrong with you.â
Lonan slows at a crosswalk. A group of teenaged girls whisk by in glitter and lip gloss.
âYes,â he says.
This is Harrison trying to stop Lonanâs nosebleed after their bizarre swerve which I think is kind of <3 tendy <3
Harrison reaches for him. One hand on the back of his neck, and the other reared toward the red stream. His touch is tactful, so faint his fingerprints wouldnât even be left behind, but still, the dabbing with his jacketâs hem is enough to redirect the bloodâs flow from Lonanâs upper lip to the cuff of leather. The radio is still on, garbled like an unmassing of crepe paper lanterns.
This is the final excerpt for this update that takes us to the very end of the chapter! Harrison has just found Lonan supposedly head-first in the sink and though he asks at first why he is doing that, takes an alternate approach as the chapter closes:
Harrison gets up, his knees popping like gnawed bubble gum. He decides he will handle Lonan at a distance, if he chooses to handle him at all. Like a timid pet owner trying to tame their suddenly-rabid yorkie. Like a friend not trying to tip the full glass. To let its contents film at its surface, but never spill.
Somewhere in the apartment, Suzanna probably listens to them. If Harrison didnât know her better, heâd imagine her pressed neatly against the door, waiting to hear the shuffle of their bodies or the tang of an argument. Instead, he imagines her at the kitchen table, gripping a glass of water for so long, half of it evaporates.
âYou donât have to tell me anything,â Harrison says, stepping back until his spine hits the counterâs lip. He curls his fingers under the granite. Looks toward the window, now a faint periwinkle. Lonan heaves. His fingers caging his face, an animal restrained. They stand there until the sun rises.
So thatâs it for this gigantic update! I have like four short stories to update you on so I hope to be back soon!
âRachel
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A Meta on Catraâs Relationships with DT, Scorpia, and Adora
Iâm so excited to write this finally ljsdflkj okay so. Iâve been thinking about why the creators would choose to center a whole season around this new character Double Trouble. They drove the plot and played a major role in a really important part of the story, Catraâs redemption. So I wanna think more about the purpose of this character and go deeper into a couple of their scenes with Catra.
tbh Catra and DTâs very first interaction says it all: DT literally takes the form of Scorpia and tells Catra âIâm about to become your new best friend.â As the season goes on, Double Trouble replaces Scorpia as a sort of artificial confidant for Catra. But it blows up in her face and the purpose of the whole thing is to shed light on Catraâs main internal conflict: her desire for love vs. her fear of heartbreak/vulnerability.
In other words, I believe Double Trouble was introduced as a foil to Scorpia. But if we think about how Scorpia is also a foil to Adora, then that means DT is like... a foil to a foil. So theyâre not directly associated with Adora but a lot of what they do relates back to her. Yeah there are a lot of layers here lmao but basically what Iâm gonna analyze is how Catraâs relationships with these three characters intertwine and build off each other in season 4 to set the stage for Catraâs redemption (and catradora endgame hollaaa)
So in the beginning, Catra and DT both understand their relationship to be a business arrangement. When does that start to change for Catra, and why?
Catraâs History With Betrayal
Just think about Catraâs relationships at the start of s4.. After the portal, Adora had basically severed whatever was left of their relationship, and that was shown to be weighing on Catra all season. Scorpia and Entrapta were the only other people she cared about, but Entrapta betrayed her (first by monopolizing Hordakâs attention then by refusing to open the portal), then Scorpia dared to question her decision to send their friend to die and her presence became a constant reminder of Catraâs guilt. In fact, the mere mention of Entraptaâs name in 4x03 causes Catra to snap and yell at Scorpia âwe are not friends!â ... which of course isnât true. Catra may think Scorpiaâs annoying but she confided in her, her loyalty made Catra feel like she could trust her.. and thatâs exactly why Catra always tried so hard to push her away. All the betrayals in her life scarred her so deeply that she wanted to avoid emotional intimacy at all costs. Iâm about to get Jungian up in this shit bc we see a deep disconnect between Catraâs outward actions (her conscious) and her inner desires (subconscious) this season and itâs this i believe that leads to her breakdown in 4x10. Itâs an unsustainable way to live.
Why Catra Trusted Double Trouble
So by 4x04, Catra had sabotaged her only two relationships. She was utterly alone, and vulnerable, and Double Trouble was in the right place at the right time offering their loyalty to her.. so Catra did what any emotionally stable person would do and subconsciously used a hired mercenary to try and fill the growing void in her heart. I donât think Catra actually cared about DT much at all, like sure they got along and that matters on some level, but I think itâs more that Catra was in a vulnerable place and DT was the only one around.
So why does Catra trust Double Trouble when she wonât let herself trust anyone else? Iâve seen some posts saying itâs because Catra is self-destructive--i.e. she only seeks love from people who wonât give it to her because she doesnât believe she deserves love--which is super true.. but I think her motivations can be better explained by saying that Catra knew from the start that Double Trouble didnât really care about her, and thatâs why the partnership was attractive to her (at first). She thought it would be safe--no vulnerability, no risk of heartbreak. But the truth is Catraâs just not as disaffected as she wishes she was.
The moment Catra really let her guard down was when Double Trouble saved her from the collapsing building in 4x04.Â
can we just!! talk about this scene!!!! the way her voice shakes when she says âsaving meâ just, oh my god... like what a touchy subject for her, right? Shes spent her whole life resenting how Adora was always trying to âsaveâ her from everything. Iâm not sure but I think White Out (2x05) was the only other time Catra thanked someone for saving her life, and she just says âthanks for getting us out of there.â So her use of the word âsaveâ here is special and it illustrates how deeply vulnerable Catra feels this season, and more importantly itâs a sign of character development! Itâs no coincidence that the theme of saving is connected between DT, Scorpia, and Adora. Itâs leading up to Catra learning to replace her resentment towards Adora with something closer to gratitude.Â
But while the scene connects these relationships, it also highlights their differences. After Catra displays an astounding amount of vulnerability with DT, they coolly reply âwell, I live to serve... for a price, of course.â
This right here is the first step of Catraâs breakdown. Suppressed desires making themselves known, one half of her heart rebelling against the other. She was pushing away her real friends and finding hollow companionship with someone she thought she wouldnât get attached to, but it happened anyway.
The difference between Double Trouble and Scorpia must have become glaringly obvious to Catra in that moment. Whereas Scorpia was loyal to Catra out of love, DT was mostly interested in getting paid. And she was surprised by how much that hurt. She fucking hated how much it hurt, you can see it written all over her face. Itâs why she fails Scorpiaâs little test in 4x06. Because of Double Trouble, Catraâs true desires were threatening to break free, so outwardly she fights against it and acts more resistant than ever to being friends with Scorpia. She castigates her, calls her annoying and incompetent, harsher than weâve ever seen... but she didnât expect Scorpia to hit back (we did, tho. Scorpiaâs an icon).
In four words Scorpia teaches Catra a hard lesson about what it means to earn someoneâs loyalty. She knew she mustâve really fucked up if she somehow managed to push away the most loyal person in all of Etheria. And again the fake nature of Catraâs relationship with Double Trouble provides a reference for her to see why Scorpiaâs loyalty, based in love, was so valuable, and why she shouldnât have taken it for granted. It also relates to Adora because, similar to Scorpia, Adora had been trying so hard these past 3 seasons to connect with Catra, but she refused to forgive her and her behavior eventually forced Adora to cut ties. So Scorpia calling her out pushes Catra towards accepting some personal responsibility for everything that happened with Adora, too. Man there are just.. a ton of implications here.
Then Catra gives Hordak a fun pep talk but really itâs just her self-projecting all over him:
At this point her hateful actions and her goal to conquer Etheria are extremely out of line with her true desires and we can see itâs really affecting her mental state. It wasnât just one thing or person that caused her breakdown, it was a combination of Adora severing their relationship, and Scorpiaâs disappointment in her, and Double Troubleâs indifference towards her. All three of these situations were playing off each other and chipping away at Catraâs carefully crafted armor, revealing a desire to be loved hidden underneath... which she continued to fight against for as long as she could. Adora and Scorpia were playing their roles in helping Catra learn to take responsibility for her life, but those relationships wouldnât have been so effective had it not been for how they were contrasted with Double Troubleâs indifference. Anyway have I mentioned how amazing and complex this show is????
Catra Loses DT and Scorpia Around the Same Time
4x07 is the last time Catra talks to Double Trouble before they get captured by the rebels. Coincidentally, Catra realizes that Scorpia left her just one episode later, which once again points to a connection between these two characters. From 4x08 to 4x11 Catra is completely alone, feeling like she has lost everyone in her life. It sets the stage for her meltdown in 4x10. But my fave part about Scorpia leaving is how it changes the way Catra thinks about betrayal.Â
Even if Scorpia didnât tell Catra where she was going in the note she left, Catra had to have assumed she was leaving to join the Rebellion because where else would she have gone right? So the two people Catra loves most have now BOTH abandoned her to join the rebellion. I donât even wanna think about how triggering that betrayal must have been for Catra.. I donât wanna think about how the next time Catra sees Scorpia sheâs going to be a full blown princess with powers and everything, just like what happened with Adora.Â
But thereâs a key difference between Adora and Scorpia. Catra knows at this point that Adora didnât want to leave her behind, but she did anyway to pursue some destiny that Catra wasnât a part of, which left her feeling betrayed. Scorpia, on the other hand--the very definition of âloyaltyâ--left her specifically because Catra pushed her away. Her fear of vulnerability manifested as anger towards someone she refused to admit that she cared about, and it pushed her away.
Once again I think Scorpia is teaching Catra a lesson about taking responsibility for some of the shit in her life. Itâs a privilege that Adora lost after being careless with Catraâs trust, and thus Scorpia was the only one in a position to reach Catra and help her. But I think that the things Catra learned from Scorpia are going to play back into her relationship with Adora and allow them to reconcile (when Adora deals with her own issues too).
We can also say a little about how Double Troubleâs betrayal contrasts with Scorpiaâs and Adoraâs. I think their complete emotional detachment is the perfect frame of reference for Catra to be able to acknowledge that even though Scorpia and Adora left her, they DID love her, and they never stopped trying to reach out to her--at least, not until Catra crossed a line with both of them. At some point, Catra went from being justified in her feelings of betrayal to overdoing it, placing too much blame where it didnât belong and closing the door to forgiveness. So I think thatâs the role that Double Trouble played there, helping Catra see that difference. Like even if someone leaves you, hurts you, it doesnât always mean they donât love you. Relationships take work and understanding and forgiveness and you have to learn how to handle that or youâll always be alone. Scorpiaâs the pure embodiment of that lesson, and sheâs lighting the way for Catra to navigate the much more nebulous waters of her grudge against Adora.
Double Troubleâs Betrayal
So now Catra is feeling abandoned by Scorpia and Double Trouble (her only friends) and we see the disconnect between whatâs in her heart and the front sheâs been putting on come to a head in 4x10 when she has that meltdown. Sheâs kind of losing it because her fear and heartbreak are driving her down a path that she doesnât actually want. Itâs like watching a car crash in slow motion. In 4x12 she continues to hold on desperately to the idea that beating Adora will make her happy, because at this point she doesnât see any way to turn the car around.
Thereâs an absolutely fantastic scene early in 4x12 that sets up Double Troubleâs betrayal beautifully, like really itâs a masterpiece. Catraâs childhood friends walk in on her in the locker room and theyâre laughing and joking around and for a second itâs like... Catra longs to be a part of that again.. To have friends, to be happy. But then Kyle accidentally kicks one of Scorpiaâs old doodles (a painful reminder that sheâs gone) and Catra freaks out and attacks them. Kyleâs like âwe used to be friends, why are you treating us like this?â So she lets them leave, feeling alone and miserable, and THATâS when Double Trouble waltzes in... having had just made a deal with Glimmer to double cross Catra.
God it hurts so much. The contrast between her pushing away Scorpia and her real friends, and then her childlike relief upon seeing the person who just sold her out.
This scene gives me fucking chills with the nightmare-ish music and everything.. Itâs like, at this point DT is just fucking with her, theyâve already got Catra figured out. This face touch is so cruel and fits with the showâs motif of manipulative affection, too. For me it felt very disconcerting to see Catra like this... unaware that sheâs been defeated yet sheâs so emotionally vulnerable here, sheâs like putty in Double Troubleâs hands. Scorpia leaving cracked her open and, as theyâre the last person left standing with Catraâs trust, Double Troubleâs in the perfect position to come in and break her.
So the next episode 4x13 has that crazy scene where Double Trouble totally obliterates Catra and Iâm not even gonna talk about it lmao because yall have already done a great job analyzing it. But I do wanna draw attention to the fact that this is the only thing she says in this whole scene:
Can you believe thatâs what mattered the most to her in that moment? Not that literally everything she had been working for for the past 4 seasons had just turned to dust before her eyes, but the fact that this random mercenary she hired betrayed her. And there was no anger at all, just... heartbreak.
And then look at what she says to Glimmer afterwards (setting aside the fact that Catra is basically giving up on life...) she says nothing about the war, nothing about winning or revenge. The only thing sheâs thinking about is how lonely she feels.
So by the end of Season 4, I think Catra did finally figure out what she truly wanted in life. She didnât want to be on top just for powerâs sake, she wanted people to respect her, to love her, so that no one could hurt her anymore. But she was so obsessed with winning that she ended up losing everyoneâs respect. Wow haha if only she could get a second chance to earn it back the right way.... like say if, idk, she was trapped in space jail and forced to team up with her sworn enemy to survive and they came out best friends or something <:)
To sum up, Double Troubleâs role in Season 4 was to break Catraâs mask and force her to consider what she truly wants. I think their betrayal taught Catra to really appreciate what a terrible mistake she made in pushing Scorpia and Adora away. It taught her the difference between someone leaving her because they donât care about her, and someone cutting ties with her even though they do care for her very deeply, they just couldnât take Catra treating them like crap anymore. It showed her that what Adora did was nothing like what DT did. Thatâs what a betrayal feels like when the person doesnât care about you. Someone who doesnât care about you isnât going to beg for your forgiveness for 3 seasons and risk being obliterated from existence just to get you back.
But the real beauty of season 4 was how Catra hitting rock bottom had almost nothing to do with Adora. With the help of other friends Catra has begun to find her own reasons to change, sheâs acknowledging her guilt and heartbreak and discovering the person she wants to become. Sheâs learning to take responsibility instead of just blaming other people. And this character development had nothing to do with romance, just like how Adora breaking free of her destiny and learning to let go of control had little to do with Catra. I love the different perspectives on love that they give us with Catra, Adora, and Scorpia. I love how this show takes the âlove conquers allâ trope and subverts it, saying that sometimes.. love breaks you. Sometimes itâs not enough. Sometimes itâs used as a weapon. Sometimes you have to let go of people you love, but it opens up space for you to figure out who you are and what you want and to conquer your own demons. Youâll come out the other side with a better understanding of what real, healthy love is supposed to look like. And maybe in the end, the love you always sought will find you again, in its own time, in its own way. đ
#OK THIS IS... A LOT. EVEN FOR ME LMAO#she ra#meta#season 4 is my fave so far i just had a lot of feelings to work through ok#would love to hear what yall think xoxo happy new year's!!
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Literally all of the lovesquare is trash not just ladrien lmao
I personally donât think of it as trash, but I appreciate your input?
Donât get me wrong I do like the lovesquare, so these kind of messages kind of lose their impact on me. Itâs more that, some ways they interact are better than others to me.
To sum up my opinion on the lovesquare dynamics and ranking them from best to nah here:
1) adrinette
2)marichat
3)ladynoir
4) that thing Iâm trying not to accidentally put this post on the dash of people who like it. And am hoping that anon not blocking out the word wonât put it there if it does Iâm sorry
I obviously prefer marichat more than tumblr does, everything else lines up and I still feel pretty vaild and plenty petty. If you want an explanation behind my reasoning, click below!
Starting with la/////drien, my point is that âcute flusteredâ bit never came through for me, I never liked it, they always just seemed awkward and distracted and the situation was uncomfortable. That side is my least favorite mostly because of two things.
1) how it started. As the show goes on, theyâre obviously acknowledging that the other person involved has flaws, but at first they were really just putting the other person up on a pedestal and that mentally lasted a lot longer than Iâm comfortable with. Iâve see the âall crushes are like thatâ argument going around and I just.... they arenât? Maybe for the first little while, or, certain crushes, but itâs just weird to me in this case.
2) in this situation the masks actually bother me more. With lady noir, theyâre both wearing masks and if Iâm being honest thatâs one step above lad////rien for me anyways, but, there is equal anonymity.
On the other hand, I think I like marichat because, in my opinion, adrien would f**k up the whole secret identity thing pretty fast in that scenario while Marinette wouldnât? Or at least, adrien would do it sooner.
What I mean is that, in my opinion, Adrienâs behavior towards Marinette would change noticeabley and faster. I mean, we already saw this with evillustrator, the first thing he tried was asking her about his super self lmao? Itâs going to take a lot for Marinette to be less flustered and awkward around Adrien, even being in her superhero persona didnât really help all the way, plus secret identity keeping is really her thing at this point. Plus I believe they have a better chance of really getting to know the sides of one another that they donât usually see. No awkward flustering or dumb distractions, theyâre best buddies who know each other too well and canât be best buddies at first and have to try very hard to not let on how well they know each other.
Adrien has to fight his way around not mentioning school and Marinette canât remember their superheroing to well, friend running the ladyblog or not. Plus the whole concept of Adrien supporting Marinetteâs crush on who he presumed is luka/Nathaniel/whoever is hilarious, and the chaos that would ensue if she followed Chatâs suggestions around Adrien would be hilarious too. (Thereâs an amazing fancomic where he comes across her upset after another failed confession and wants to know who the asshole is and she tells him and his brain stalls at âIâm the asshole?â) itâs just perfect to me lol.
But back to the masks! For one, whether you like it or not, they do act differently when they are and arenât wearing them, specifically towards eachother! Marinette being so awkward and flustered almost solely around Adrien isnât really her whole personality, itâs a consequence of her crush. When Adrien isnât chat noir, heâs more.... well behaved and proper are the best words that come to mind. Iâm not saying that these things arenât apart of their personalities, but when the masks shift in certain ways theyâre amplified in such a way that it sells the dichotomy perfectly. To Marinette, Chat is fun and goofy, and Adrien, although similar, is more reserved and polite. To Adrien, Marinette is shy, nervous and endearingly clumsy, with moments of confidence to be proud of while ladybug is confident and capable after a few bumps in the road. This does affect how they see the other person (ie, as two distinct people) and change how they act towards one another, as well as how they react to what theyâve perceived as a different person. Marinette obviously doesnât fluster as easily and can be sarcastic and serious around Chat, and even though it isnât quite as simple as Iâm going to phrase it, Adrien is almost more... gentle, in the way he interacts with Marinette vs ladybug, almost like heâs seen her freak out so much that he feels a potential freak out is around the corner if he missteps.
(Back to Marichat lol) Another reason marichat bothers me less is that romance isnât the goal from the outset. Befriending someone you donât know a lot about is no big deal. Even though itâs a bit ironic for them, wanting to meet/befriend a superhero is a realistic goal for not hero people, and chat noir has interacted with Marinette a lot, so itâs not surprising heâd want to get to know her better. And they arenât obsessed with dating/marrying each other, so they get to be goofy and also run the gambit of emotion when they realized they f**ked up and fell for each other by accident.
Itâs simultaneously a cute friendship, a budding attraction towards one another and a somewhat stressful and unknowingly mutual game of cat and mouse as theyâre both trying not to screw up identity stuff. With Lad///rien itâs just.... dramatic sigh and swooning nonsense.
(One last thing, the idea that chat noir would start paying more attention to where Marinette is and accidentally f**k up her chances for transformation by trying to make sure sheâs safe is hilarious because unlike Adrien to ladybug, Marinette would appreciate the concern but start to get annoyed at some point and maybe even attempt to talk to him about it as ladybug, to get him to focus on fighting and not âsome girlâ which chat can easily misinterpret as jealous could you imagine)
Back to where we started, Ladr////ien just doesnât work for me in a way that Marichat does. But beyond just the hero/civilian self sides, ladynoir works better in my opinion because again, equal anonymity, and second, Marinette would be consciously choosing chat noir instead of Adrien, not just getting an accidental 2 for 1 deal. I know theyâd probably end up happy eventually, but I have a feeling that finding out Chat Noir, who ladybug turned down, kind of used the fact that she didnât know his identity to date her anyways wouldnât sit well with Marinette. And even though Marinette hasnât really confessed, adrien might get the same feeling of, almost a betrayal in a sense.
(Marichat is also like ladynoir because theyâre consciously choosing not ladybug and not Adrien, even though they get a surprise 2 for 1 anyways, and in that circumstance, finding out that they accidentally fell in love with the same person twice would probably smooth things over).
Adrienette will always be the part of the lovesquare that is the best because itâs.... itâs just them. Itâs what the ship would be called if not for the secret identity complication. Itâs probably where theyâd pretty quickly land in the event of a reveal. Obviously, the dynamic would be something different if they revealed themselves, but in my opinion itâs also the most..... stable, I suppose, and equal, in the sense that, while, yes, theyâre both hiding superhero secrets, I doubt they wouldnât tell eachother eventually. They could meet each others friends and parents (if Gabriel didnât suck so badly). It works in a way that ladynoir, lad////rien and even marichat doesnât because even though they are hiding something from one another, itâs not a massive factor in how they interact. Ladynoir canât happen without the constant reminder that they donât even know each others names. Marinette would probably start to get frustrated with the idea that sheâs dating Adrien but canât hold his hand at school because sheâs the wrong her. Adrien, well, as I said my theory is heâd flirt with Marinette by accident as himself rather than chat and complicate matters, but not like Marinette will âoh no two boys I like like me back what nowâ, instead sheâd âtwo boys who like me look and act very similar and Iâm starting to connect dots Iâm not supposed to connectâ
#marichat#adrinette#ml adrien#ml marintette#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#love square#ship dynamics
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Survey #445
âyouâve got a lot of nerve, but not a lot of spineâ
Have you ever created a fake internet persona for yourself? No. Do you enjoy going to weddings or showers? What is it that you like or dislike about them? Not... really. They're triggering for me. And I don't use "trigger" lightly. They legitimately, deeply affect me. It's part of the reason I've lost a lot of interest in being a wedding photographer. Is there a person in your life whom you support by showing up for the sports games, concerts, or other performances? This question, uh... sucks. Because I'm that awful aunt that doesn't go to her nephew's t-ball games while everyone else does. It's the heat that does it, but still... it shouldn't. How many video games do you have? A lot. We have a big case of them. Why did you take the last pill you took? My heartburn is especially awful today. Has a girl ever stayed up with you all night? A guy? A girl, uhhh... maybe? Idk. A guy, yeah. Do you think guys look good with makeup? Hell yeah. How long would you wait to become sexually active with someone youâre dating? That would just depend on how quickly we deeply bond in a relationship. I wouldn't go that far before I knew I was in love with them, though, so it definitely wouldn't be quick. Do you enjoy a good debate or prefer keeping the peace? klasd;jkla;jfklwdj I HATE confrontation, so I strongly prefer to keep that peace. Debates rarely ever stay civil, anyway. Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? One, easily. The other... I wish. But it won't ever happen because I fucked that relationship up way too much. Are you thinking about anything thatâs upsetting right now? Yeah. My PTSD is being really bothersome. Would you ever want to ride in a canoe? Yeah, sounds fun and peaceful. So long as I'm not rowing, ha ha. When did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? Did you speak to them? Do you think youâll see them again? Two days ago. Yeah, 'cuz he was my personal trainer. I don't plan on quitting the gym, so I'll probably see him around there now and again. Have you ever tasted baby food? How about pet food? Save for when I was a baby, obviously, no. I once tried a guinea pig yogurt treat, ha ha. How many times have you had your heart broken? Once romantically, twice overall. Actually, no, four. Quite a jump, I know, but Teddy and Jason's mom both dying was nothing short of heartbreaking. Think of the person you fell hardest for. How many people has he/she been in love with, besides you? One, before me. I don't know about since. Find 5 people on your Facebook friends list, whose names begin with K. Who are these people, and how did you meet them? Katherine: an online friend. We met on YouTube. Kim: she's my stepmom. I met her through my dad, obviously. Kelly: a high school friend. We met in art class. Katelynn: was Jason's old friend's former girlfriend. We met through said friend when we all hung out together. Kieley: she's the wife of who I call my "big bro," a close gaming friend. We met through Sam, the aforementioned friend. Sometimes do you wish you lived in a fantasy world? Yeah, who doesn't? What would you say if the ex who hurt you the most told you they hated you? "I don't blame you" or something to that effect. Have any of your friends dated an ex/previous crush of yours? I don't think it's accurate to call her my "friend," but Jason's first girlfriend and I are friends on Facebook. I'd love to get to know her better and actually be *real* friends. One word to describe the last person you kissed? Strong. Has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? You could say that. Does your hair have layers? No, not anymore. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom. Have you done something recently that helped someone else, in any way? I don't know. Which Disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? Why? Probably Jasmine. I just think she's really pretty. If youâve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? I'm terrified to this day to start new romantic relationships. I had so many panic attacks about losing Sara when we first started dating. If you were going to buy a present for the person you love/like, what would you generally choose? Absolutely something Frieza-related. If you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing youâd say to him/her? Probably just "oh my god, thank you" and start crying lmao. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? I'm sure there's something, yeah. When was the last time you cried? Today. Do you like sausage? Yep. Ever held a newborn animal? Kittens, yes. Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Uhhhh maybe? Have you been called a bad influence? Yeah. Like she had ANY room to talk. Do you get stage fright? Yes. Would you be excited or annoyed if your favorite book was being made into a movie? Both of my favorite books are also movies, and they're wonderful. Do you need structure in your life or do you prefer to just go with the flow? I require structure, for sure. Without it, my anxiety goes rampant. Change is something I do not cope with well. Post a picture of you from one year ago. No. Have you ever written a fan letter? If so, who was it to and did you receive a response? No. What trait(s) would you not want your children to inherit from you? My mental illnesses, primarily depression. I have A LOT of reasons for not wanting kids, and my poor genetic makeup is even one of them. I don't want to pass on all the shit I deal with. What is the worst place youâve woken up? Waking up in a shitty bed at the ER while waiting to be transferred was never one of my favorite things... Are you the type of person who has to study to make good grades or does it just come naturally to you? Aha... I was lucky in that once I heard something in school, it had a tendency to stick. I didn't need to study very much at all - usually. When on YouTube, what types of videos do you mainly watch? Mostly let's plays. What was the last conversation you had with someone about? Sara and I were kinda fangirling over how cute Maieykio and Rumours are, ha ha. Do you have any currency thatâs not your native countryâs? No. Can you describe your father in one word? Complex. Do you still watch movies intended for children? Yeah. Hell, I probably tend to prefer them. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? That's living, probably Gabriel Iglesias. What is your strangest phobia? Probably whale sharks. Which part of your state/province do you live in [upper,lower,middle]? I live on the eastern side. Who in your life can you count on the most? My mama. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? It depends on what I'm up for. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, I'm not a fan. Last thing you drank? Pink lemonade. Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone? Sure did. The belief was clearly mutual. But I ruined that. Who are your favorite people to talk to when youâre down? Sara or my mom. Have you ever thought you liked someone, and then found out that you really didnât? See: Girt. Describe the last dream you had that you can remember. It was actually... really fucked up, so the squeamish beware. I don't remember the details, just the shocking part: a little bird flew into me, and I thought it was a bug, so I crushed it in my hand. Heard and felt the bones break and it was just... ugh. It's nauseating to recall. I'm sick and tired of dreaming of only awful things. Any current family issues? Not any big ones that include everyone. The only "issue" that really exists in my family is how my mom feels like Ashley (my older sister) avoids her, and therefore Mom doesn't see the kids nearly as much as she wants. She feels very overlooked. Whose room of the opposite sex were you in last? When? Uhhh, probably my nephew's? Sometime when I visited my sister's house, idk. The last movie you watched with a friend? Elf, I think. Have you ever played with fire? Uh no, because I'm not keen on being burned. What industry do you want to be a part of when youâre older? Art, in some form. Who do you usually text the most? Since Sara and I started chatting mainly on Discord, definitely my mom. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Llamas or sheep? Sheep. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? No. When do you plan on moving out? Whenever I'm in a long-term, stable, happy, and healthy relationship. I really don't at all think it would be healthy for me to live on my own. Whatâre you going to be for Halloween? I'd actually love to dress up this year seeing as I've really been feeling the holidays, but the money to like... make a recognizable costume isn't really with us. So I'll ust answer as if I had it, in which case it would be a handmaid from The Handmaid's Tale, but with fake blood splattered over my stomach region. Will you buy a cake for your next birthday? We always do for b-days. Do you like brownies? BITCH I love brownies. Have you ever dressed up as a witch on Halloween? Yeah, as a kiddo. Have you ever been to a masquerade? No. Do any girls like the last guy you kissed? Maybe, I don't know. Do you have a second mom? I have a stepmom, if that's what you mean. When a bee is coming close to you, do you stand still or run away? Ngl, I gtfo. Do you ever hang out with someone of the opposite sex? I haven't hung out with Girt in around a year. Really need to change that. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries. What is your winter coat like? ... I actually don't know if I have one? Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I did fine. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? Interesting. Inspiring, even. Do you know how to use an ATM? ... No. :x How about write a check? uhhhhhhhhhhh... Are you Italian? Not to my knowledge, no. We don't know my dad's heritage. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? I commented on one of my sister's Facebook posts earlier. Are you interested in photography at all? Very much so. Do you own an acoustic guitar? I don't believe so? Ashley had one when she was waaaay younger, but I haven't seen it in forever. I think Dad might have it. Can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? Because you said "bickering," no. Mom knows how to pick fights on a lot of things... Who was the last person you took pictures with? My sister when she came to visit a few months ago. What is the wallpaper on your best friend's cell phone? I'd be willing to bet it's either her and Jem or Frieza. Do you melt butter to put on your popcorn? No. We get the movie theater butter kind. Do you consider flirting cheating? Sure do. Have you ever been on probation? No. What is normally on your Christmas list (if you celebrate it)? A tattoo and meerkat stuff. Do you like KoRn? They're one of my favorites! When you were little, did you pick up worms? Do you pick worms up now? Ha, I did. I would sometimes dig just to look for them, especially if I knew Dad was going to take me fishing later that day. I don't like touching worms nowadays. Would you ever go see a stand-up comedian? Yeah, I think it would be fun. Do you have any best friends that you only know online? BEST friends, not current ones, anyway. I've met my current best friend. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight? Nope. Do you have a problem with swearing? No. What do you do when you see a spider? My reactions vary. If it's a tiny little thing, I tend to ignore it. In most cases, admittedly, I get my mom to come kill it. :x I really, really want to get on a level where I can just cup the spider and take it outside. I want a few types of spiders one day (tarantulas, jumping, and velvet), after all, so I really should get used to interacting with them. I know in my gut they're nowhere near as dangerous and scary as your head makes them seem, but it's so instilled in you (most "you"s, anyway) from a young age to stay away from spiders, so it's fighting almost like instinct. Do you have big dreams? Meh... When is your fatherâs birthday? Sometime in April. The 16th, I think? Maybe. Are you interested in anime? Yeah. They can have some great stories. Do you eat three meals a day? Most days. Are you part German? German and Irish make up most of my heritage, yes. Do you dream of being a porn star? Uh, I can confidently say no. Have you ever been on a farm? I have. What is your favorite type of muffin? Blueberry, I think. I like the moisture it adds to the muffin. What is the last type of salad that you ate? Just your normal one with iceberg lettuce and ranch. What do you usually put on your waffles? A layer of peanut butter and then some syrup. You NEED to try it. Would you rather have a cottage on the beach or in a forest? A forest! Name all the people that you talked to today. Online, through texts and in person. Mom and Misty are all, I think. Do you know a schizophrenic person? My half-sister. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? If so, who is your favorite? I did. I don't think I had a favorite character. Name the last 3 people you kissed and list one nice thing about each one. Sara: she's very loyal. Girt: he's funny as hell. Tyler: he, uh, cares a lot, I guess? When was the last time you felt EXTREMELY depressed? Why is that? Yesterday, actually. I was passively suicidal just over... a lot of things. Would you ever dye your hair pink? I want pastel pink hair anyway.
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2020: An Account
This year has been a nonstop, off-the-rails bullet train ride into what looked at first like chaos, but ultimately was a tearing down and reconstruction of my entire being. Because I know myself and I know I wonât remember much of this later, Iâm recording it here. Itâs hard to put some of this information out, but the universe regularly urges me to be more open. So here I go.
January
I got married.
It was, without contest, the absolute best day of my life. Iâve known since I was real little that I wanted to be married, that I wanted to be loved the way M loves me and to love someone just as much. I donât know how to explain the feeling of having achieved that, and being able to share that with my entire circle. @abyssalsunâ made it down!! (my only regret is that @ladyorizaâ couldnât make it, but Iâm still so glad we got to make it to theirs). As often as I can, I revisit the memory of going to @chromecutieââs house afterward, thinking itâd just be the four of us there, and opening the door to find a whole impromptu surprise party happening. Everyone cheered for us when we came in. I played CAH with Mordred, my brother and his wife, and several friends from out of town. By all accounts, these people would never have been in the same room together, but they were, and it was transcendent. Itâs been almost a year, and I still havenât recovered from all the planning and stress; but now that Iâm past it, I can say with relief that it was 100% worth it.
February
We bought a house.
Up until this point, Iâd been planning a wedding, participating in house-buying stuff as best I could, interviewing for a job I ended up not taking, and dealing with life-long mental illness that was festering and reaching critical mass. But then stuff started wrapping up. The wedding happened. The house was ours. We moved in. I could finally fucking breathe. LMAO bitch you thought.
March
The pandemic reached us.
I guess by this point it had probably already been in the US for a couple months, idr. But it wasnât until March that things really started happening. People started dying in droves. New cases spread like wildfire. I remember thinking that this would be the zombie apocalypse, because at this point, I donât think the CDC knew much about the virus. In my anxious mind, that was a completely reasonable assumption. My boss had us all start working from home. We all thought itâd be just a couple weeks.
April
I settled into working from home.
It didnât take me long to get used to it, maybe a week. I hadnât yet gotten used to my new hour-long commute from the new house to work, and so working from home quickly became my new normal. But I didnât know yet why working from home was so good for me. All I knew was that I now had the brain-space to process things. I had the energy to do yoga and cook and do hobbies, and the time to appreciate and care for the home I lived in. I could think more clearly because there was no one else around to distract me. There was sunlight I could bask in. I felt human for once, and that became vitally important and infinitely valuable to me. Despite that, I still struggled with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and some of the worst depression Iâve suffered through since I was a teenager. Outside my house, everything was a fucking mess and no one had their shit together.
May
I went back to the office for a few weeks.
There was a lull in pandemic activity. My boss had us all start coming back to the office again. At this point, I couldnât make heads or tails of reality anymore. Everything was changing, nothing was stable. I desperately needed to stay working from home, because that was the one thing that felt Good and Right, but I had no real argument other than, 'I just need to.' So imagine me, at this point a soggy, run-over sloppy joe, attempting to return to normal. As you might think, it was... bad. I cried and hurt all the time. I think I really freaked out my boss with the way I reacted to coming back to the office. But then the second wave hit, and we all went back to working from home again.
June
Uncle Mike died on the first day of the month.
My uncle had been sick for a while, but no one was expecting him to die so suddenly. None of us were ready for it.
I also died that day.
It might sound dramatic, but I mean it quite literally and honestly. Over the years, I had gained suspicion that I was on the autism spectrum. M graciously found me a psychiatrist that took my insurance (and happened to be right next door). I wasnât even going in for that - I was seeking treatment for my anxiety and depression. But I had amassed a (very long) list of my symptoms, and I brought it with me and read it to my doctor. I wasnât even a quarter of the way through the list when he stopped me. Iâm paraphrasing here, but in effect, he said, âNo, yeah, youâre definitely autistic.â
I remember the way my body felt. Like someone had detonated a bundle of TNT in my chest, and I was burning from the inside out. At the time, I didnât realize this emotional immolation was purposeful and executed by the universe to get rid of this old structure and build a newer, better, stronger one. For about fifteen seconds after he said that, I was relieved that it had been that easy, that there was an explanation for everything that my ADHD didnât explain. It made a ton of sense why my environment was so important to me. And then I felt something unnameable. It was obvious to my doctor that I was autistic. Had it been obvious to everyone else? Why hadnât it been obvious to me? I read the rest of my symptoms to him in a daze. I donât remember how the rest of the appointment went.
And then I burned quietly and ungracefully until I was a pile of ashes. I didnât know this at the time, but apparently itâs common for newly-diagnosed autistic people to have such dramatic and painful reactions, especially if they werenât well-informed on the condition. Which I wasnât.
I started therapy.
I also started learning about my âflavorâ of autism. It was arduous, embarrassing, isolating, and ugly. I became aware that I had been masking my whole life, and I was astounded by just how often I did so. What really crushed me was knowing that Iâd always have to mask to protect myself. I also became hyper-aware of the things that made me Feel Bad. Inexplicably, I stopped being able to react to those things the way I used to. Previously, if something made a loud and unexpected sound, I would suppress my reaction, because itâs not cool to get mad about it. But I found I couldnât do that anymore. I had no choice but to react the way I needed to react. I realize now that this was to make me aware of what things make me feel a certain way so I can either avoid them or learn better tools to deal with them.
The therapist I saw wasnât specialized in autism, and she wasnât any help in that area, but she did teach me some important things. Like, âIs it reasonable for me to feel ____?â
July
Black hole.
I donât remember a whole lot from this month, except sifting my own ashes through my fingers and crying. Every day brought a new revelation, a new thing that clicked. All of it was helpful and very painful. My psychiatrist recommended medication, but Iâd had a bad and long-lasting experience with medication as a teenager, so I suffered through the pain on my own.
I shouldnât have. I got so low I didnât want to be alive anymore. But I think it took reaching the bottom and feeling that much pain for me to get over my fear of pharmaceuticals.Â
I got into astrology.
I had been interested in it for most of my life, but it wasnât until this point that I started studying it in depth. I discovered it was a language that I could use to translate so many things about my own life that I didnât understand. It was a rulebook in a time when I desperately needed rules - but one just flexible enough that it taught me how to stop thinking in binary.
August
I got medicated.
There was a big adjustment period, of course. It didnât cure me. But it did start to make things easier. And it helped to know that, even if I didnât believe it at the time, I deserved to rest. I deserved not to feel so much emotional pain all the time.
I turned 30.
It was easily the second best day of my life. I learned a lot of important things, like that itâs important to be present, that Iâm seen and loved (just the way I am!!), and that I deserve good things. M planned a whole day of surprises:
I woke up at my leisure and we had coffee on the couch. He got me a cute card with one of our inside jokes inside - I still have it.
We went to our favorite combination lunch place and bakery, which I believe was our first real outing since the pandemic started.
We stopped by a tattoo place. I almost got a tattoo.
He set me loose in Texas Art Supply.
We got dim sum for dinner.
We had a lovely virtual cocktail hour with @chromecutie.
He bought me an ipad!!
I became Spiritualâ˘.
I had been agnostic for the past decade or so, slowly and subtly slipping into nihilism, without realizing how detrimental those ideas were to me. Iâm not sure what I thought spirituality was before, but I wasnât into it. I had always rolled my eyes at people who talked about âa higher powerâ, auras, and spirit guides, until I became that person.
My psychiatrist introduced some powerful ideas to me, ones that meshed well with my previously-existing idea of how the universe worked. I wonât get into details here. Thatâs a whole other post. Ask me though - Iâd love to talk about it.
Anyway, I started (intermittently) meditating. I learned some exceptionally powerful stuff. I felt my scaffolding being erected.
September
I started learning who I am and why I am this way.
I started seeing a new therapist. She thinks like me. She follows my erratic, forking trains of thought. She sees me and offers real, actionable feedback and solutions. Working with her, Iâve gained the ability to see my life from a 30,000-foot view. I can see now why Iâve felt so lonely my whole life. I understand how my familyâs dysfunction has shaped me. I know now that I have the opposite of a victim complex - by default, I believe I am so awful that I feel sorry for everyone who has to deal with me. Because thatâs what I was taught to believe. Learning that I deserve to take up space, set boundaries, say no, and be wrong sometimes is still a hard lesson for me. But most days, I believe it now. It takes other people believing it and convincing me. I still need that reassurance often.
My parents sold my childhood home.
Mentally, emotionally, I still lived there. I was still the inverted victim, still beholden to my stepdadâs whims and my momâs complete cognitive dissonance. This was a blinking neon sign from the universe that it was time to move out. My mom told me when the closing date was so Iâd have time to drive down and look at the house one last time. I didnât go, and I still donât regret it.
I started learning my boundaries.
After my spiritual move-out, I learned I donât have to jump when my stepdad holds out the little circus hoop. When he otherwise shows zero interest in my life but still baits me with passive-aggressive texts, I donât have to answer!! What a concept! I donât have to feel guilty for not talking to my mom more than I do. We have very little in common, and I still have a lot of things to work through regarding her.
I learned how not to be so reactive.
Or rather, Iâm still learning. Something else I learned in therapy is that over the course of my life, Iâve developed a desperate need to defend myself and to justify every action or thought I have, even to myself. Itâd been especially troubling at work. My RSD led me to felt stupid, incompetent, and unseen daily; if my boss complimented someone, I believed it also meant he thought I was stupid and bad and wrong, otherwise he would have complimented me too. If my boss said something that even remotely sounded like Iâd done something wrong, Iâd race to build an impenetrable defense:Â âThis is the reason I did that. Hereâs my line of thinking. Do you understand? Can you please understand?â
Now I know that so little of what everything everyone says or does at work is about me. I can appreciate a coworkerâs accomplishment and also realize it doesnât take away anything from me. Iâm not stupid or incompetent, and Iâm a valuable part of the team. A lot of times, my boss and I are on two different wavelengths - thatâs because I think a lot faster, which can be frustrating for him sometimes. He doesnât fully understand me, but that doesnât mean Iâm doing anything wrong.
October
I let go of an old friend.
This was especially hard, because I had known this person for years. Weâd gone through a lot together, and weâd shared some really important and emotional story plots and characters. I had agonized over whether I was truly important to her or not. It didnât matter how much I loved her as a friend, or how badly I wanted us to be close again and remain close. I had learned to read the universeâs signs, and it was clear it was time to move on.
November
The election happened.
I was expecting things to turn out badly, but I still hoped for something good. And then something good did happen. I cried watching Harrisâ speech. I felt a tenuous hope that things might finally start looking up, societally. I still havenât really let myself fully embrace that hope, but every time I see a court shoot down another lawsuit, or hear about trumpâs own conservative republican supporters tell him, âOkay, buddy, itâs time to step down,â I feel a little better.Â
M and I went non-monogamous.
Thereâs so much I want to say about this, but itâs for another post. Suffice it to say that like every other experience this year, it has been unexpectedly challenging and ultimately a catalyst for priceless growth. Iâm unfathomably grateful that weâre doing this together, for the things weâve learned so far, and for how much closer this experience has made us, even when I didnât think we could get any closer.Â
Turns out Iâm not gray-ace.
I had identified as such for a couple years, which was why we wanted to try non-monogamy in the first place. On the surface, it perfectly explained my sexual personality. But every time I told someone my identity, I felt inexplicably sad. When I read about others having ânormalâ sex drives and ânormalâ relations with their spouses, I felt jealous.
Turns out Iâm just traumatized, lol. Walking along this non-mono path has unearthed a lot of things, including this gem.
December
This was our first married christmas in our new house.
One of the handful of good things the pandemic has done for me was allowing me to back up my boundaries with hard evidence. Itâs been difficult dealing with my stepdad bullying me about not coming over for thanksgiving, and having my mom subtly guilt me into making plans for next year already. But what I needed this year was a quiet holiday, instead of the usual weeks-long chaos, and I got it. And it was fucking delightful. Iâve dreamed of days exactly like that one - spending a tranquil morning with my spouse, sipping coffee and listening to music and eating treats. Deciding exactly how we want our holidays to be, because we deserve to.
Iâm scared of whatâs to come in the new year. Iâm still an anxious mess, and some days Iâm not strong enough to pull myself out of the spirals I throw myself into. Iâve gotten used to the pandemic holding my hand, allowing me to shelter in my home, helping me enforce my boundaries, teaching me who I am. When itâs over, I donât know what will happen or how Iâll react or what Iâll learn next. Iâm not finished rebuilding, but I donât think thatâs the point. Iâll never be fully rebuilt. But at least Iâm figuring out the new layout.
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Do you think Kazuomi is actually really serious with his relationship with mc? Because I don't think so and I feel bad since his mc is most likely be more invested in their relationship emotion-wise.... Same goes with Kei too, even though his hasn't overcome his trauma but I think he shouldn't be in a relationship with his mc (cant put it into words). How would you rank them in terms of "serious, emotionly and mentally stable, compatability" since imho only yuzu and his mc are a fit lol
hmmmmmm good question. i have to admit that i havenât yet played kazuâs s2 fully (but have read his s2 pov and the epis) but the feeling i get from his and his mcâs relationship is that itâs a really fresh relationship which hasnât yet matured. kazuomi and his mc are a good match in terms of chemistry and compatibility in that they always challenge each other. i did think they were finally getting close in obscura where he finally got to see her âreal selfâ and i was kinda hoping they would drop the whole games thing and really start to get to know each other beyond the banter. and then they kind of went and reversed that development with nudus and season 2. his s2 pov made me realise that at that time, he wasnât actually in love with his mc, heâs just attracted to her more intensely than he has been with the other women in her life. so he âfellâ for her in season 1 but in my opinion it wasnât really love. and tbh even at the end of his season 2, i think he likes her VERY much but iâm still on the fence as to whether or not itâs love. i think itâs pretty obvious from the way i talk about my favourite voltage moments/characters/couples that i love DEVELOPMENT lol and i just feel like with kazu and his mc, there is a sort of sense of arrested development? one of the big issues in his season 2 imo that i feel didnât get resolved in his pov (i canât say about the main route) is that he is confronted with having to change his way of life for the sake of his gf and their relationship and yet every time he chooses to just do things his own way?Â
edit: rest of the answer placed under cut for season 2 spoilers + length
for kazu, i feel like their relationship will only mature when heâs willing to give up the core aspects of his âselling pointsâ (money/power/games) for his mc and their relationship. i do understand that theyâre still pretty early on in their relationship, like itâs just been a matter of months and you donât get deep with people that easily, but i hope that we do eventually get to see him really change in the future and they can love each other sincerely for who they are underneath all the games and banter. i think thatâs why i love his self-pleasure story in otkoi bc we just got to see kazu do stuff thatâs so not his style just for her, and then they had a really straightforward and wholesome talk about whatâs missing in their relationship without being hidden behind codes and games.Â
i think they rely so much on the concept of kazuomi as thrilling that we donât really get to see that many genuine moments with him which iâm a bit sad about, because i love his genuine side the most. even in devians, when he was pretending to be normal, he still orchestrated everything and then the story took it back to that whole concept where the selling point of the route is that kazuomi is really rich and powerful and does huge grand gestures. i donât mind that bc kazuomi is Extra to his very core but i really miss the REAL kazuomi that we saw in his s1 being all soft for just like... seeing busy and vibrant spaces full of happy people.
insert that magneto âi prefer the real [owner of the] raven [hotel]â meme lmao.
ANYWAY i do think that his occultus second night shows him finally starting to open up a little outside of just like âyouâre the only one who can match up to my witsâ. i feel like kazuomi showing off with grand gestures and flaunting his wealth and power is kind of his way of coping with the loneliness and trauma of the darkest part of his life, which is why itâs so significant that he lets her into the space where he was at a low point living in that motel before meeting zack. i hope that we get to see kazu really have to sacrifice some of his current core values/priorities for the sake of his mc, and i hope the way he thinks about her changes to become deeper and more mature beyond just like âshe can always stand up to my challengesâ - basically going from liking and being attracted to her to really loving her.Â
with kei, i have a lot of mixed feelings about how bdsm is presented. since iâm not a mental health professional, i donât really want to make any strong comments about whatâs healthy or not when dealing with childhood trauma aside from like the idea that therapy is important (although kei himself admits that heâs actively driven away all his therapists). but i agree that he hasnât overcome his trauma and, like kazu, still hasnât even after the events of his s2. i havenât read any of the content after his s2 main story so i canât speak on what happens when his mc meets his grandparents and such but just based on the way he just peaced out during his s2, itâs evident that his issues manifest through at the very least his phobia of commitment (not even going to comment on the way he acted when her necklace was broken and how she was literally afraid of his reaction and also the way he like... forced her to drink juice? i picked the option where i tried to reject the juice and the fact that he forced me to anyway and she drank it bc she was afraid of him made me really uncomfortable lol). in my opinion, his sexual relationship with his mc is also very much based on his issues with power and control (ostensibly stemming from trauma) and she kind of bends over backwards to not step on his toes when it comes to his control issues. my experience with bdsm is that communication (and aftercare lol) is so important for maintaining a healthy relationship but i just kind of feel like sheâs not necessarily an active participant as a sub and doesnât really know what being a sub entails in a healthy dynamic but rather is just like going along with what he wants bc (1) itâs thrilling maybe? (they really play up the like physical pleasure aspect) and (2) he might be kinda distant if they donât do it like that? i guess? i donât really know bc i donât tend to read his stories bc iâm not like the most comfortable with how they deal with power play.Â
i do think that the relationship he has with his mc isnât exactly a balanced and healthy relationship? and i also think that kazuomiâs relationship (that weâve seen so far) is also kinda unhealthy lol. essentially, with both kazu and kei, i feel like their relationships with their mcs kind of enable (what i perceive to be) the coping mechanism aspects of their personalities.Â
WITH THAT SAID, i donât think that people need to be at a fully stable and emotionally mature place to fall in love and start relationships and honestly voltage loves doing the thing where like the mc falls for awful people bc theyâre only so mean bc they're so broken and she wants to fix them uwu shinobu narita lmao which personally i donât like, but it does make for dramatic routes and does set up for future development. itâs still early stages yet in their relationships since i think theyâve only been together for a few months, and theyâre definitely still testing the waters. i think weâre being tricked/distracted by all those dramatic climax moments into thinking that their relationship is really serious but tbh they are just barely beginning to actually open up to each other. i just hope that they allow the love interests (and their respective mcs) to mature and develop into healthy people without just throwing out life threatening routes where the relationship dynamic doesnât necessarily change but it just becomes about newer and grander ways of making big and powerful gestures to save the situation lol. does that make sense? i donât know if iâm articulating myself well.Â
but anyway i agree, from season 1 i always though yuzuâs mc was the best out of all of them. and they are the only ones who have a remotely healthy relationship like why is the yuzu the only one whoâs actually considerate? sometimes he can be such an obtuse block of wood but thatâs just who he is as a person. and when it comes to the important stuff, heâs actually the most willing to change and compromise for his mc. like... the Difference between kazuomi and his mcâs contract scene vs yuzu and his mcâs contract scene is kind of astronomical. even in yuzuâs devians which is like 3 chapters long only, you can see his growth from being an insensitive blockhead to really trying to understand what she needs from their relationship. and just looking at the way that he treats her emotions re: their relationship has evolved from treating it like a beta test where they give each other feedback reports to him embracing her âbugsâ? thatâs growth babey. time for kazuomi and kei to learn some lessons from the only valid masquerader.Â
#yikes why did i write so much#kazuomi shido#kei soejima#yuzuru shiba#masquerade kiss#mk#voltage inc#otome romance#love 365#snow answers#Anonymous#meta
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Lmao guess whoâs dealing with an existential crisis so she decided to write more for the Beetlejuice cat au???? If you wanna see the previous posts then just go to the shoggoth au tag on me blog kk
So, now Charles and Delia go from having 0 cats in the house to suddenly having 5.
Itâs worse than the sudden ghosts
Because! Charles is allergic to cats! Emily was allergic to dogs, itâs why they never had any pets in the house before.
But he canât exactly say no heâs seen shoggoth bring Lydia down from sudden panic attacks in like ten minutes and the kittens just lessen the panic attacks altogether!
Delia points out that the house aura has never felt better than when the cats were there. He sighs a heavy dad sigh and resigns to like twenty years of constantly taking Benadryl. (Shoggoth has also declared him a perfect nap lap and he also seems to be doing so much better mentally with the cats around. He likes seeing the kittens trample over each other after string sue him)
Barb and Adam are ecstatic!! Barb just adores animals! She had all kinds growing up, like snakes, lizards, fish, dogs, rodents, ferrets, and especially cats!!
I personally think she may have grown up on a farm, thus was constantly around animals (and doing hard work making her ultra strong).
Adam is more into bugs and snakes, but he loved fostering cats whenever he and barb took in a batch of christmas kittens, and these guys are so! Smart! Shoggoth has figured out how to open the attic door to sunbathe in the windows in the afternoon and the kittens have learned how to fetch! For them! When they need something for their town model!!!! (They of course are specially made for the model)
They name one kitten Patchie because itâs just so splotchy with itâs black and white fur and looks like a mini version of his mom but like a printer ran out of ink while making him. Beej tells them they are the most basic people heâs ever known and he loves them
Delia loves the cats, shoggoth will supervise Deliaâs morning yoga everyday, sometimes joining in her own kitty way, and the kittens jumble up everywhere in the kitchen and garden whenever she is working in there, But one kitten... one kitten!
Delia swears they have some strange competition going on! This kitten pops out of nowhere and scares the daylights out of her every time! It is exactly like Lydia! (Lyds, Beetlejuice, stop laughing, itâs true!)
Lydia grins deviously and names this lil tabby brown lad Azazel. Beej cackles in the background while Delia is a lil confused.
But thereâs this other fluffy black kitten with the most gorgeous dark eyes, and it reminds her so much of Lydia as well, so she names that little baby Circe. Lydia and Beej secretly think this is the coolest thing ever. Charles just smiles fondly and is ever more grateful for this eccentric lady that has become a part of their lives. Adam and barb think Delia is a delight (lol)
But thereâs one kitten. One lil tabby black girl thatâs just... dumb.
Like, you never think cats can be dumb, theyâre so graceful and elegant and just.... smart! But this one kitten...
Shoggoth seems to always be supervising this kitten and yet it still gets in trouble. Sheâs managed to lock herself in the guestroom closet twenty two times- make that twenty three. (Charles get the coat hanger, sheâs done it again!)
This kitten doesnât seem to be mentally lacking behind her brothers and sister, she just... doesnât seem to think things through.
Whenever someone takes a bath she wants into the bathroom, and sheâll want to sit in their laps while theyâre in the bath so sheâll jump in without realizing that the human is... in a bath. Of water. Many times a soggy black shadow will sprint down the stairs away from the bathroom while someone in there laughs.
Beej took it upon himself to name this kitten.
âHer name... is Beef.â
â... Beej that is the worst name Iâve ever heard.â
âNo, no, my mother is the one thatâs come up with the worst name ever and thatâs calling your son Beetlejuice instead of Lawrence in front of everyone they know forever sealing his fate as beetlejuice.â
â.... Beej you okay?â
âI am never okay Lyds.â
Beef is a special kitten that Shoggoth seems to stretch herself thin trying to keep in check. The parents can relate when this cat comes into the living room at night looking haggard and crashing on the nearest soft surface to pass out for twelve hours away from her kids currently crowded on lydiaâs bed.
Many of lydias photography now include dozens of pictures of the cats (and pics Beej had a hand in choreographering). The cats being goofy, the cats being majestic, shoggoth is a star in many creepy photos, being a cat that just screams bad luck with her one eye and crooked tail, thereâs one of Delia about to be scared by azazel that always cracks lyds up
Lydia feels her aesthetic is complete when she goes out walking five cats on harnesses wearing full mourning clothes and her camera while electric green haired Beej follows wearing college sweatshirts and jogger handmedowns from Charles. What is this aesthetic? Hell if she knows.
If you canât find Beej anywhere heâs most likely where the cats are. He loves to nap in the sun with shoggoth, he loves slinking around the shadows with azazel, he loves playing with patchie in the wood shavings of the maitlands model town carving, he loves drifting after beef as she gets in mischief. Sometimes heâll be sitting down and suddenly the cats all climb on top of him and take a nap, and heâs just still and suddenly at peace and doesnât need to do anything else. He just, really loves these cats.
Itâs kind of scary for him, since they have a much shorter life span than breathers do, and heâs not entirely sure where animals go when they die. Heâll get really quiet sometimes thinking about death and how suddenly it can change his entire life when before it was basically all he knew. He feels much better when shoggoth begins grooming his crazy hair and Lydia shows him another breather thing or Delia asks him to go shopping with her, or the maitlands ask him questions about ghost things, or Charles shows Beej another cool house heâs selling.
Head cannons of Beetlejuice now lives with the deetz time
Everyone... tries to get used to beetlejuice. Delia makes the most surprising progress. Within two days sheâs calling Beej Lawrence and both him and Lydia are helping her make breakfast in the morning before he helps her with her garden and dusting her crystal collection. Sheâs pretty much adopted him like she instantly adopted Lydia when Charles hired her.
Charles has some reservations. This guy tried to marry his daughter, chased him and Delia out of their house, getting him fired from his job, and tried to kill him several times. But then he sees what Delia sees.
And what did Delia see?
A kid. Just, a kid that was really badly abused by his mom. He has abandonment issues from losing his dad and basically learned that the only way to get people to be nice to is by manipulating them. People donât love you, Lawrence, youâre a useless mess of a boy thatâs good for nothing and has no friends. Love is not for people like you.
Charles joins the Beej protection squad lyds and Delia have formed pretty quickly after that.
Itâs harder for Adam and barb. They both are still a little scared of Beej. They would be cool with him, but he harassed them a lot before. Lydia canât blame them but she also knows that Beej struggles to understand personal boundaries and really does have a big crush on them. Lydia is helping Beej better understand personal space (she had a tough time with it too when she was younger) and heâs learning to not force himself on others quite so much.
Beej really does like the maitlands, theyâre stable, really in love with each other, actually genuinely nice, theyâre kind of the coolest couple of newlydeads heâs ever met. He... wants to be a part of that. But heâs not completely sure how to join that. His usual tactic of overtly sexual actions usually work all the time, but not here. They enjoy... genuine affection??? Who??? What??? What do you mean you like me for my personality my personality is depressed garbage?
Lydia is relieved. No more keeping secrets from her family. Her pseudo brother best friend is now summoned again, being on his best behavior and allowed to stay with them and is now also healing from his mom troubles, and she has five cats now. Nice. Dead mom would love this new family Lydia and Charles made themselves. They love it too.
Of course, this doesnât mean Lydia and Beej havenât given up their favorite pastime.
Whenever Delia and Charles are out, and the maitlands are busy up in the attic, the two share an evil grin, and start to call some numbers, ready to hear that beautiful sound once more.
Now with the added bonus of cat yowls and howls. That really freaks people out.
What? Just because heâs getting over trauma and is a part of a loving family doesnât mean Beej is a better person now. It just means his mom isnât holding him back anymore >:3
So... what happens when Juno comes back wanting revenge on her no good son?
Lemme know if yâall wanna hear anymore of this au or have ideas of your own Iâm kinda on a beetlejuice kick rn lol
#beetleb@bes dni plz#beetlejuice broadway#beetlejuice the musical#beetlejuice the broadway musical#beetlejuice#lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth#lydia deetz#charles deetz#delia deetz#adam maitland#barbara maitland#shoggoth au#beetlelands#uh oh did i leave a cliffhanger#do i support beej and lydia being on the spectrum? yes. hes also adhd
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Umbrella Academy S2 R a n t
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SPOILERS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note: This is totally my opinion. Donât like, donât read. Also, I havenât read any of the comics. This is all based on the Netflix series. Please donât attack me.Â
Iâd say, season 2 was a jumble. It was quite dizzying. The characters had many ups and downs in developments. The transitions were so w t f. There were too many arcs. The relationships were. . . And the plot had such a similar theme to the first season. With that, letâs dive in.Â
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHARACTERS
Iâll go into the characters each in a bit but hereâs an overview. The characters were sort of a mess? Iâd say in terms of the main characters, Allison, Vanya and Ben were the best (Ben wasnât even there frequently). The worst being our Luther and Klaus? (Donât get me wrong heâs one of my favorite characters but I think this season did him quite dirty?)Â
-Number 1/Luther: MOON BOY!!! Yeah no I really didnât enjoy watching him this season. Actually scratch that I didnât enjoy watching him in season 1 either. Itâs nothing against his daddy issues, Iâm sure most if not all of the main characters have them. Itâs just how he deals with it? His want for a father figure goes on to a mafia rich guy named âJackâ who he got acquainted with after getting stuck. Iâm all for finding father figures whoâd treat you better than the original but seriously? Lmao we donât even see Jack after abandoning him for one lost fight. Which I guess parallels to Mr Hargreeves abandoning him but werenât we supposed to let Luther develop? Idk, Heâs just such a lost puppy. As well as his is addiction for Allison. Itâs just so unhealthy I c a n â t. I just couldnât see his development. Hell, he disagrees for saving the world then goes on to do random ass stuff that is so unnecessary. I visibly groaned whenever he was on screen. Not caring about the apocalypse? Fine. Getting high with Elliot? oKaY. Telling Diego to find the siblings while he tries to coax Five, only to fall asleep? WHATEVER. Just, why did they have to make him so useless sometimes. The scene where he was with both young and old Five, he just bullshitted around. LIKE IâM SORRY LUTHER BUT PLEASE. His power was quite confusing too? He got shot by the bullet but survived a nuclear missile huh?? Anyways, the actor playing him did a great job. There were scenes I really just wanted to sigh but Luther looked so cute like a lost puppy.Â
-Number 2/Diego: In the first few episodes, I was extremely iffy with him. Some of it came from the fact that season 1 Diego was just so ;-;. Anyways, his obsession to save Kennedy was a bit out of hand. I get it, he wanted to save a life he knew that was in trouble, especially one so important. But I wish he stopped to think first. I mean, he chose that over the end of the world HAHA. Mm though I suppose I think I started enjoying watching him more when he reunited with Mother? Speaking of the mother, his interactions with her were so cute. He loves her so much and just seeing her there alive..I donât know he was more sympathetic. That Team Zero shit was so sweet even if it didnât pull through. He became much sweeter though still an idiot. As always, he had daddy issues too and I wish we dwelled more into that. Seeing him vulnerable was nice. Also him entering the commission was so badass?? Like damn. I guess his character grew a bit more this season which Iâm satisfied with.Â
-Number 3/Allison: I loved her so much this season. She was such a badass queen. There were rarely scenes Iâd facepalm at. I think itâs because Ray brought out a much better side in her. She was the most stable of all the siblings but I donât think that says much. Her marriage was a bit out of hand at one point, Iâm glad she was able to fix it. HOWEVER, the scenes where she abused her power was very irritating. It was never mentioned again. They brought it up but didnât do anything with it. That can be highly used against black people as a whole. She did that in a room full of white people and I can only think of the consequences that could leave for their movement. Or it will go unaddressed. But I hope that isnât the case.Â
-Number 4/Klaus: I love this man. Heâs one of my favorite characters as a whole. But. . . what the fuck happened this season? Itâs like all his development by the end of season 1 was just tossed out the window. He was sober and although he didnât like it, he was one of the ones who kept trying to bring their siblings to the problem. Itâs just his sober self in season 2 just gave me vibes of his drunk self in season 1. I guess itâs more on his personality and who he is but it was so interesting to see him when he was trying. Instead, I watched him lead a cult. It shows that heâs really not the leadership kind because he doesnât know what heâs doing with himself, better yet how is he going to lead a cult? I guess he needed some way to survive but damn. Also I thought Dave, if not his siblings, was going to be his first priority. I know he ended up finding Dave already but why was he after the cult.  Klaus half the time he didnât do anything. There was a big waste of power for Klaus because he wasnât even able to use his to full capacity. There was that one shot where he was falling and caught by other ghosts which was the only time other ghosts were seen. The only time he used his power. The season 1 ending had such an OP Klaus but it led me to expect more from him this season. Like, remember that point where they were trying to reach Vanya but it was from Allison to Diego to Klaus to Ben. The part when it was Klausâs turn, I really think he couldâve used his powers to have the ghosts push him. He was giving himself the talk and everything and then he just flew back only for Ben to just stare. And as seen, Ben wasnât affected by the whoosh the ghosts thing couldâve worked. He ended up feeling a bit like a plot device for Ben this season. I really hope in season 3, heâll be able to develop his powers and develop himself as a character. Also for the record, I cannot believe he didnât tell anyone of Ben?? I remember that clip with the âKlaus, is Ben here?â and he responded with ghosts canât time travel and jazz. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A JOKE?? But he ended up n o t telling AT ALL. Like I love you Klaus but your brother misses your family too. I was just so frustrated at him this season.
-Number 5/Five: This boy is one of my other favorites. Heâs just so fun to watch. I guess it does with the amount of times he warps and uses his powers. His development on his powers were 10/10. In terms of personality, heâs still the same old grumpy pants but the amount of times I wanted to reach the screen and shake him I swear. I know he rushes so much but I remember he was watching a stripper or singer or something in the place where Luther was and was that really the time? He needs to tell his siblings before rushing head first. Funny how he keeps saying letâs think of a plan but as soon as he has one he goes with it. The Reginald Hargreeves plan wouldnât even be able to go if not for the invitation. I swear this boy always has something going on which is why itâs so fun to watch him all the time. He just wants to save his family. And heâs just throwing hands every time a plan fucks up itâs funny and then he starts a new one. Iâm sure he blames himself a lot for getting his family stuck. I wish he had time to develop his mental state. But I understand he was busy all the time. Though to be honest, Allison is probably the only stable one, they all needs help. Hmm Iâd say he grew a bit more from the first season, though again the first few episodes of this one were sorta infuriating because he was basically repeating what he did in the first. I hope he can finally rest in the third season or at least take a b r e a k(HAmiLton). They made him super badass already, Iâd love to see more of it but I want to see him more when he gets to actually talk to his siblings about anything else. I look forward to his season 3 arc.
-Number 6/Ben: HE WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CINNAMON ROLL THIS SEASON I LOVE HIM. The one iffy part was when he possessed Klaus and was about to have s e x in Klausâs body and not give back his body LMFAO. Poor baby just wanted to feel it though. He missed it so much and he missed his family so much. HE ONLY GOT TO REUNITE WITH DIEGO AND VANYA. Both times, hit just as hard. Though Diego never asked about him again probably because Vanya told them all about how he...Ugh, I wish he was there more to interact with the other siblings. KLAUS THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDâVE TOLDKFHJD. His scenes were so precious. My heart cried when he passed away to Heaven. He was just so gentle with Vanya. Youâre my sister. AGH CHILLS. He was such a beautiful sibling to Vanya and I hate it so much how he wasnât able to have more. He was a true hero. He shouldâve had more scenes. I donât know what season 3 is going to bring for the ânewâ Ben but he looks more aggressive and edgy than the old ones so Iâm not going to have any expectations.Â
-Number 7/Vanya: This girl is always in such pain, it was nice to see her happy for once. Though I am a bit iffy with the relationship with her and Sissy because it looks like thereâs an age gap but I donât know, Iâll go more into it later. No, itâs not because theyâre two girls, Iâm bisexual myself. Anyways speaking of gender, most fans say sheâs bisexual but Iâd head canon her to be pan sexual more than bi. I feel like she really doesnât give a fuck about who she is with as long as they love each other and thatâs sweet. We stan representations. As for her character, hmm she was okay. Sheâs still unstable but in the end sheâs just a hurt baby thatâs been through a l o t and just wants a family. Iâm glad she was able to use her powers more. High key Elsa vibes. She was not bad this season but I wish she knew how much she couldnât bring them. The extent of the time travel world. But I know she just wanted love after having such a lack of it. I hope to see her get love she deserves in season 3. More specifically, self-love. Because these past 2 seasons, sheâs been putting so much on that one person that I want to see what she does for herself. Maybe pick up that violin and go girl~
In terms of side characters,Â
*THEY PUT HAZEL THERE FOR TWO MINUTES AND THEN HE DIED. WHAT. I know itâs probably better that way but damn, he was one of my favorites. Iâm glad he was able to live a peaceful life with Agnes. He deserved it
*RAY IS MY MAN I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH! He stays calm and collected most of the time. He does whatâs right. Heâs a much better choice than Luther. Iâm sad we had to let him go but it was going to come sooner or later.
*Lila..She was such an intriguing character. Just, she was so dumb at some points, especially near the end. I wish she thought more analytically. I guess sheâs like a more emotional female version of Five. Her fight with Five was pretty cool. She probably got with Diego because theyâre mummyâs children HAHA. Her powers were so bad ass though. Weâre prolly going to see more of her in the third season which I look forward to.Â
*Reginald Hargreeves, bruh are you an alien.Â
*Pogo.. He was cute but I thought weâd see more of him. But I mean heâs just a baby so I guess eh.Â
*Mom was beautiful, she DESERVES MORE SCENES INSTEAD OF EVERY 2 EPISODES FOR 2 MINUTES.Â
*The Handler was not bad I suppose. I mean I loved her in the first season. But here she wasnât as terrifying anymore. Sheâs a hella good manipulator but of course it was going to bite her in the back. I was honestly looking forward to fish guy though. I hope she stays dead just so that we can see our future villains.Â
*Speaking of the fish, he was sort of useless. We didnât get to see any action of him. Heâs just a f i s h. We wonât ever know if he was as good at his job as the handler or what not but thatâs because he did n o t h i n g. A F I S H.Â
*The Swedish villains, they were eh. Not gonna lie, the first few episodes or so, they were hella boring. Not as fun as Hazel(WHO THEY KILLED IN THE FIRST FEW MINS) and Cha Cha. But their sibling ship was really heart felt. And every time one died.. Just ;-;.
*Herb was such a precious soul. I hope he doesnât die in season 3.Â
I think the problem was that some of the characters were just on standby half the time.Â
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RELATIONSHIPS
The way they treated and interacted with each other is what makes the story so appealing, the familial, platonic and romantic. The relationships here were fine but I just wanted to bring them up.Â
Romantic
-Allison and Ray: What a 9-10/10 couple. The reason why is because thereâs a line Allison said that made me so...what? I remember when she reunited with Luther she said something along the lines of âI just, I needed something to hold on to. And Ray gave me thatâ SIS. That sounds like such REBOUND energy. It doesnât sound like she chose Ray, it sounds like she needed someone to depend on and Ray was there. Iâm sure their relationship grew eventually but to say that about him to her ex or whatever they are. Sheâs in a vulnerable state, and to say something as minor as I needed him does not seem healthy. Relationships shouldnât always be a need-need relationship. Allison needs to be her independent person and fall in love when sheâs ready. If sheâs just doing it because she needs someone to hold onto. What kind of love is that? Aside from that note, their whole relationship is so precious. I love how much Ray stays by Allison but he doesnât take her bullshit. Like he is strict with knowing the truth because he needs to know he can trust her and that she can trust him. And you know what, she pulled through and told him. Because she loves him. Iâm glad they didnât kill him off or separate them because of Luther. Itâs sweet.
-Diego and Lila: I didnât like it until we knew of who Lila was. Because honestly if Diego got with her, thatâd reflect on how much he changed from dating a cop to a complete psycho. But no, thereâs more depth in Lila which made her interesting. Their dance scene right after was so nice. It was like a fight for dominance and it reflected how they thought of each other. Though, when she started choosing Five over Diego it went downhill. Diego was so lost because Lila didnât trust him with whatever shit. Lila was just going around playing mummyâs girl and getting flustered whenever the handler mentioned him. It made her look young. Then when she captured Diego and called him boyfriend I got so lost. Then later Diego calls them exes. THEN WE FIND OUT THEYâRE ALSO BORN ON THE SAME DATE. Theyâre not as bad as Luther and Allison but still, they couldâve been siblings. Their relationship goes up and down so Iâm not really sure what to think. I donât see Lila bringing out the better side of Diego. I only see Diego doing it. I think Patch was a better fit because she was emotionally stable. But maybe when Lila gets her shit together then perhaps??Â
-Vanya and Sissy: Uh...This is definitely going to be an unpopular opinion(im saying that as if most of what I said is not unpopular) but this relationship gave me eh vibes. Like I donât really know what to say about this one. Iâm all for LGBTQ+ representation and of course Vanya being happy but. I think, again, Vanya must be her own girl. She shouldnât be someone to be protected or get validation from protecting. She should be her own girl fighting and figuring out herself. I think another iffy thing is Sissy was a mother who was stuck in a bad marriage. My thing with that trope is that usually, the love interest saving the mother is someone whoâs ready to take them. Yes I know Sissy shouldnât have to live unhappily. But depending on a girl who doesnât have self-independence, emotionally unstable with her own unstable family. Yeah, no wonder Sissy didnât come with. Just the deal is Vanya depended on her like a lost child with a mother. It looks motherly. Iâm not judging from looks, Iâm judging from the treatment. Plus, their first kiss, they were drunk. Thatâs a sign within itself. Yes, they didnât regret it in the morning. But Sissy was in a vulnerable state. She was crying. And I guess I thought it was going to be eased in like âIâm really happy youâre in my life Vanya.â BWAM KISS. Instead it went like âYou tell me how you let her go. Tell me and Iâll do it.â âSissy I canât--â KISS. THAT DOESNâT SOLVE THE PROBLEM, in fact she interrupted Vanya because she was so emotionally drained. All the emotions and weight of it, into that kiss. Itâs not like a drunken confession, sheâs crying about a problem beforehand. Not a problem on her sexuality, but a problem on her life. And... kissing doesnât make all the pain go away. Running away doesnât make the pain go away. I donât understand the message this show is trying to give us for this but I donât like it. I know they were aiming for simple life simple family but.. as said, itâs never going to be simple.
-Klaus and Dave: I just felt sad. This was so pitiful. They did them so dirty. Also, I know itâs not the showâs fault because they changed actors but Dave looked so young. In season 1, he looked about the same age as Klaus if not older.. In season 2, he looks like a precious baby boy. Like, I know they changed actors but I couldnât get the vibe out of my head. But back to the main point. I feel like their relationship was sadder. Dave ended up going earlier. As well as he might avoid anyone who looks like Klaus because it would sort of be creepy. What hurt most is when Dave punched him. That hurts. Poor Klaus, again, he didnât even get to say goodbye properly. He has to deal with losing him again but since we get less Klaus scenes this season, we can only speculate. I wish they could be together but they never could. One of the saddest love stories.Â
-Ben and Jill: I want Ben to be happy, I really do. But... heâs dead. He was doomed to have no love interest from the start. Though it is cute to see him crush over her. But the concept it a bit weird you know? He possessed Klaus to get to her and he was about to have sex in Klausâs body. That says a l o t. Plus we didnât really get to explore Jill as a character. So I didnât really care about her and we prolly wonât ever. But I hope wherever Ben is now, he can vibe peacefully.
-Allison and Luther: I hate this. Theyâre siblings. Itâs not all of them being under the same roof, itâs all of them being raised by someone who adopted them together. IT DOESNâT MATTER IF NOT BIOLOGICAL. Iâm so glad it got called out this season. Though, itâs so hard to see them as just siblings now because of how often it gets called out. But no. just no.
-Sissy and Carl: Um. I donât know what to think but both of them were unstable af. I wonder why Sissy married him in the first place if she didnât want to commit to him. I guess Carl was a different person? Hmm, he manipulated her for sure but thatâs because he wanted the family to stay together. Around the time he was about to shoot her thatâs when it was clear they werenât a fit at all. But I think Carl could have improved before that scene with Vanya. Fucking disgusting. But, honestly before that scene I couldnât tell if he was genuine or not. Cause, he did look like he loved Sissy while Sissy would give off looks. Itâs pitiful. But eh, this is the unhappy marriage trope so...
-Reginald and Grace: This was heart breaking. I genuinely loved seeing emotion on Reginald and Grace was a perfect match. When they broke up I AGH. I wish they had more moments.Â
Familial(Iâm highlighting important ones but feel free to skip) There were less. and there was a LACK OF FIVE AND KLAUS. Their dynamic was one of my favorites in the first season.Â
-Luther and Vanya: I was hesitant in their reunion. Mainly due to the fact that we get a panel of Luther holding a gun. But, Iâm glad he didnât end up doing anything. Iâm also glad he apologized. Their relationship is unsteady but itâs growing ish. But aside from the first few episodes, we donât really get much. Iâm just glad heâs not being shitty to her.
-Luther and Five: Ngl Lutherâs incompetence gets made up from Fiveâs competence. Itâs funny. When there were two fiveâs it was so f u n n y. Luther was just panicking everywhere. He was like âHe hAs A pOiNtâ and then like âoh no weâre going to kill him???!??!â. Itâs cute I guess. Though when they first reunited, it was annoying as hell. I thought their dynamic was going to be lame but this wasnât bad I suppose.Â
-Luther and Diego: Hehe. They are highkey two brain cells left energy. If I remember correctly, the first season contained them fighting over what to do or whoâs âleaderâ. They didnât have as much moments this season but I remember Diego chasing after Luther when Luther threw hands. It was cute in a sibling-y way. They were okay. I mean, as okay as any unstable family but it was nice seeing their meaningless little fights out of the way.
-Diego and Five: It was like arcs talking to each other. Diego was basically representing âSave Kennedy!â while Five was like âEND OF THE WORLDâ. Lucky for them that it was connected. But if it wasnât, imagine that huge waste of time. Anyways, they were okay-ish. Five didnât want to deal with Diegoâs shit half the time but thatâs just Five. Their connection grew after Diego went to the commission because I mean, they can now both relate. However, Diego only stayed there for a little bit while Five stayed there longer. And Diego was only recruited because his âgirlfriendâ wanted him. But either way, they now have something more to talk about.
-Diego and Ben: This was a cute heartfelt moment. And.. honestly I wanted more. Not just with Diego and Ben but with Ben and well EVERYONE. But at least this small moment was given. Just, Diegoâs realization that itâs Ben. His dead brother. It hurt you know.Â
-Allison and Klaus: This duo I swear. I donât really like it because Iâd say these two are the chillest aside from Vanya. Their reunion was really sweet true but the way they dealt with problems? Allison is the more sane of the two yet Klausâs influence helps her relax. However, Klaus is unstable and Allison didnât really help him exactly. She just drank with him. Yes, she asked him how he was. But right after she goes to drinking. EVEN BEN WAS SMILING WHEN SHE PUT DOWN THE FLASK. And then she promoted more booze. Thatâs a way of coping for some people. But, I donât think the time was right. Klaus was trying to be sober. I donât think promoting what heâs not trying to be is a good idea, especially at that time. Then for Allison, I mean as Klaus said himself âAllison, your marriage is in trouble and your rally turned into a riotâ. She shouldnât be drinking either. She should be thinking of what to do. It doesnât take until later.Â
-Allison, Vanya and Klaus: Their dance was really cute. I loved it so much. Itâs what I wanted from season 2 in the first place. The siblings to have fun with no weight of the world on them. Allison and Vanyaâs reunion was so sweet. I loved every second except the part where they got drunk and started to be like LeTâS coNfEss mY lOVe. But, it did get the plot along. Iâm just happy they found solitude in each other while their other brothers were a fidgety mess.
-Five, Diego and Luther: Speaking of that fidgety mess, these three were all over the place. There were some funny moments like Five being so done and changing his clothes. While Diego and Luther were like h u h ? And they also had moments where they talked about daddy issues. Also when Luther and Diego found Elliot dead and threatened a person until Five came was hilarious.
-Klaus and Ben: Ngl, I found this relationship very bitter because KLAUS WOULDNâT LISTEN. Ben keeps trying to say something or prove what he should do but Klaus keeps ignoring his remarks. Itâs very unhealthy especially when Klaus has the upper hand. He doesnât even give Ben the chance to interact with his other siblings. While Ben misses them dearly. Itâs heartbreaking to watch.Â
-Five and Vanya: I LOVED THAT MOMENT WHERE THEIR POWERS BATTLED. Even if it was for a split second, it looked so cool. Anyways, I donât have much to say on this one because they didnât interact as much Iâd say but it was chill. A chill siblingship. Though, Five was being rude when he completely disregarded the fact that Vanya has people she care about in that time. He was too focused on the end of the world and thatâs okay but he has to understand his siblings. Iâm not using it against him though, he doesnât exactly know how to read signs. But when you put them together by the end, itâs nice seeing Vanya having more control of who she is instead of being pushed around.
-Five and Reginald: Itâs interesting. Five hasnât seen his father in a long time and there he is. And, heâs scared or if not scared then hesitant, really hesitant. His father is someone who treated him like shit but he is someone who also raised him and has the knowledge to who he is.Of all the people, he looks to him when thereâs no other choice. Itâs interesting to see this because Five rarely hesitates. And seeing a man who has no real threat to him in that timeline but he knows how much he has hurt him. Itâs breathtaking. Among all his children, Iâd say Reginald gravitates to Five the most because as said heâs the most reasonable. As most theories for season 3 would suggest, Reginald probably chooses different kids because heâs seen how fucked up his kids are in the past. But, he talked to Five and I just wonder why heâd not choose him. I guess just speculation that Five was also fucked up. Anyhow, their bar scene was nice. It was simple yet had a lot of weight to it, especially to Five. Another scene I liked is when Five was spying on Reginald in the closet thing and Reginald stared at it. It was a shot of them looking at each other with Reginald having the authority while Five hides. Itâs a nice frame to think on and what it means for them.Â
-Vanya and Ben: I FUCKING LOVED THIS. Even if it was one scene, I could replay it all day. Because Vanya, a woman who has been numerously ignored or pushed aside as a threat by her own family, finally has one family member who thoroughly cares...And heâs dead. Sheâs been through so much and no one ever seems to take her as her own person which is so depressing to watch. Until Ben. Ben was so peaceful and gentle with her. He knew she could explode at any moment but he also knew that sheâs hurting and scared so God damn much. She feels like thereâs something wrong with her and she doesnât even feel like sheâs deserving to live. And Ben took the time to phrase it gently but had so much weight to it because of how true it is. âYou arenât a monster, youâre my sister.âHe reassures her that she is not something to be afraid of, not a ticking bomb. But a person who he loves deeply, his sister. He reassures her sheâs not alone. He makes sure of that and he lets her know he believes in her. I just loved that so much. He was the only one who reached out when it felt like everyone was against her. And she opened up to him because he was the only one who would listen. Thatâs so touching and Iâm so glad they had that moment. Iâd say that was the best moment in the whole season. Their relationship says it all in that one scene.Â
-All of them: It would be such crack energy + daddy issues whenever they were all in the same room. It was entertaining but half the time they fought or bickered so it sometimes didnât go anywhere. I wish they had more fight scenes though because theyâd look united as a family whenever they were against the same enemy. But I suppose weâll have to wait for season 3 to see that.
Other
-Five and the Handler: The Handler character gives major pedo vibes. So itâs very uncomfortable when we watch her have those little touches on Five. Itâs very meticulous in showing their relationship. Five doesnât want anything to do with her while the handler just keeps getting closer. Their fights back and forwards remind me of Sherlock and Moriarty. Itâs all big game and gamble. Though for Five and the Handler itâs less of a game. Itâs fun to watch I suppose but I wouldâve liked to see another force opposing Five aside from just The Handler all the time. Sheâs a good contrast to his character though. He always refers to her when thereâs nothing else. And we get to see his soft side with his siblings and how he wants to keep saving them and how he always emphasizes it.Â
-Five and Lila: Half the time if not most, Five wanted nothing to do with her. It was hilarious in a sense that Five was oblivious for most of it. Lila was a pained girl who had anger to take out. And Five was there, being an asshole. Yeah, in the mental side, Five was a bitch while Lila being emotional is not a good match. Their power fights were really hard-core, I loved it. Their original connection was through the handler and Diego then morphed into the whole killing parents thing. It was fun.Â
-Five and Five: This was hilarious. Too fucking good. Though, it gave me headaches thinking of all the times where if this Five dies then... Plus this time older Five has the correct formula now which could change? But thatâs for a different timeline now or universe. I enjoyed watching them. When they were âfightingâ it played one of my childhood bops. They oppose each other so well that itâs so comedic. Itâs a nice touch.
-The Handler and Lila: Mother Gothel and Rapunzel or Thanos and Gamora vibes-- Anyhow, their relationship was very manipulative but hey thatâs the handlerâs specialty. It was okay, just a regular villain deceiving lost child trope. Though this one had more loyalty on Lila. For, this one had more love put into it. Iâm not sure exactly if the handler loved Lila for real but we see shots where she takes care of Lila and takes pictures on her in a pretty dress. Thatâs cute which is understandable to why Lila is always so hesitant in picking between what she wants and what her mother wants. But as seen in the first half, she chooses Five. She chooses her mother. Thatâs a strong bond they got even for the handler. Though I guess itâs safe to say that the handler doesnât really care about Lila if she was ready to kill her. I suppose Lila just brought amusement and help but as soon as sheâs useless, gone. (Same with Mother Gothel and maybe Thanos?)Honestly though I got confused at one point because didnât the Handler badmouth Lilaâs parents? She said âHer mother who rescued her from those gin-addled, neglectful parents--â. If Lila didnât believe in those words, she wouldâve interrupted. If Lila did, then why did she care so much if they died? Yes, they are still her parents. But, she was so defensive over who killed them in the second half of the season. She kept calling them innocent and such. It was a bit out of the blue I suppose but eh.
-Ray and Luther/Klaus: Itâs important to note that Ray is fighting for black rights as well as his wife. Now, to find out that she mightâve lived in a âwhiteâ world is a  big shock to him. I can understand why that anger was built. Iâm not going to go into detail because Iâm sure others can explain it better than I can but in general, Ray felt betrayed by Allison. His expectation of her once he sees Luther and Klaus. Yet, Klaus is more likable since you know he helps him out of jail. They had cute moments in jail too. Luther looks lost af and I just donât like how aggressive Ray becomes when he sees him.
-Harlan and Vanya: Itâs probably setting up for the future plots but I found it unnecessary to give Harlan Vanyaâs powers. honestly during the whole time he was screaming and shit, I was just like...Is that...Will from stranger things?? BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM WERE POSSESSED BY SOMETHING OUT OF THEIR CONTROL. But anyways their relationship is okay, Vanya helps him calm down but I guess it wouldâve been nice to see more bonding.Â
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PLOT
-There were so many arcs-too many. To the point where it was such a jumble of what was going on. From activism to queer rights to daddy issues to mafia to mental asylum to a broken family to more broken families to etc. All leading to the major plot of âthe world is endingâ. I get it, they were trying to make the story more eventful. However, some of them were pressing issues that should be used more than a plot device to move the story along.
-I know each character was separated to shine individually but I wanted to see more group work. Â We already saw their individuality in season 1, this was just a different environment. The only group work where they all were looking badass was in a timeline that ceased to exist(Specifically the one where they fought during the Soviet Union-Us War). They sort of worked together in the end but LMFAO half the time some of them were pinned or just not doing anything.
-I have to say, this whole season just gave me a hardcore repeat of the first season. Again, all the siblings are separated. Again, Five goes looking for them but then goes and fucks around finding plans/leads. Again, the siblings fuck around. Again, the commission tries to hunt them down. Again, they are tricked to killing each other. Again, Vanya is the cause but this time they were able to mend it. Again Again Again Again. Just please. I was really looking forward to seeing something new. I wanted to see their younger selves because by the end of season 1 they turned younger?? But instead we get a repeat of season 1 with a bunch of differences that werenât able to be fully expounded. Itâs like this season was a plot device itself for season 3. It was used to find out more characters and find out more of the universe. While the mental stability remains the same.
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NOTES
~Sissyâs family. I donât know what to say about this family. Itâs obviously fucked up. Harlan is just like confused majority of the time. While Sissy and Carl have so many issues. I really had hope for Carl until that homophobic remark and the fact that he tried to shoot his wife. I know I know itâs obvious to see Carl as the asshole immediately but it wouldâve been nice to see a change of pace where Carl is worth staying for: He cares about his son, he wants to keep the family together and he cares whether or not Sissy still loves him. And therefore giving Sissy more of a hard option. It adds more depth. But eh.Â
~Transitions/Editing. I guess itâs the same as the first season but for me, the transitions felt more abrupt and off-timing. Like, sometimes it would show Luther after 2 scenes when Iâve been waiting for Five after four scenes. It made my head spin, especially with the amount of arcs. But I guess thatâs normal. As for editing, the part where Ben possessed Klaus, I really wished they made it Ben sooner because for 2 minutes Iâm just staring at Klaus. It was okay though.Â
~The commission. As said earlier, the villains werenât as entertaining. I loved the three brothers but to say they were more fun to watch than Hazel and Chacha? Mm. Not it for me. More heartbreaking sure. But not more fun. Anyhow, the commission seems like one big mess within itself. Itâs so easy to go in their building and mess up time. I mean, what kind of security do they have? No one was protecting board control room thing. Iâm not undermining Diego but ?? It seems like high school where people can just slip in and out easily. Also, the amount of commission that died from that last fight. That was a big yikes. I understand their role in the story but it was very undermining to watch them.
~Previous season 2 hopes. I really thought they were going down the child route. Like, I thought Five would bring them back to the time where they all were still children aka still being raised. This would include Ben being alive. This wouldnât keep the same pressure as the apocalypse but instead a new one on how to prevent it but still being years from that time. They know itâs Vanya and this time theyâll take the time to understand her. Theyâll take the time in understanding each other. Frankly, some of my favorite parts of this season would be when theyâre bonding. Because they rarely get to do that in season 1. This season 2 would be bonding-centric, while dealing with their powers. I mean, aside from those few flashbacks in season 1, how badass would it be to see it in real time? We would get to explore their capabilities. It would make them look united, it would make their mental issues seem addressed and it would let them have the playful youth they deserve. I guess thatâs more of a fanfiction idea though. Most fans probably wants more action than affection so I understand why they took this route. Probably because they wanted to keep the same actors too. But still, it wouldâve been nice.Â
~Season 3 hopes. Not going to lie, my season 3 hopes are probably a bit similar to season 2. The only difference is age. I want their mental issues to be a d d r e s s e d.  With the lack of apocalypse, thereâs going to be less pressure on their shoulders. Especially Five. Iâm looking forward to what heâs going to do in his free time. Iâm looking forward to see what they all do without that much pressure on their shoulders. Theyâre obviously going to be more bonded now but will they just keep away again? As for the new group, I honestly thought they were going to be them but raised differently but I guess not. Thereâs definitely going to be more of an interest on Ben. Itâs a whole new one and Iâm interested in seeing how their powers and dynamics work. As well as interactions with the OG UA. Though, I feel like it wonât be major in terms of them going against each other. Like, of course they will have one point because Iâm sure some of them are competitive af. But, itâll be more fun than more of a problem. Iâm sure theyâre all going to unite as one against an opposing force. Maybe an alien arc. Reggie being an alien is also probably going to get addressed and will also maybe become a problem about alien invasion, unless they leave that for later seasons. Lila is also going to come back I bet. I hope no more handler. And if the commission is involved in any way, make them more fun to see in their world building. Iâm looking forward to seeing them all though.Â
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Overall, as most movies or shows, I think the Umbrella Academy is a wonderful concept with so many interesting stories to tell but execution could need more work. As well as script. Though Iâm not saying itâs all bad. Of course there were moments Iâd laugh at, of course moments my heart ached and of course moments I loved. Itâs not all bad unlike-- Anyways, it was a nice adventure and Iâm looking forward to what season 3 has to bring~~
#Umbrella Academy#Umbrella Academy Season 2#Umbrella Academy Season 2 Review#Umbrella Academy Season 2 Rant#Rant#iWISHTHEYHADMOREFIVEANDKLAUSISTG#Spoilers
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ask dump! Separated loosely by topicÂ
Questions and Comments
1. is this a homestuck thing. this is a homestuck thing isnt it 2. lol i love doing both!!! i love world building but i also like trying my hand at redesigning the mess that is canon fashion. @theoretical-artistâ 3. thank you!!! oritel and marion are in this post! 4. ayyyyy inginio hit me up (thank you lol) 5. Thank you! 6. maybe? iâll see if i get around to it, i still have a few characters to get to so the school fairies and the last two selkies might show up with them 7. probably not.... it would be super fun but unless it was a commission i donât feel like i have time haha 8. Iâve seen their blog around!! i canât remember if i follow or not but i know who ur talking about and they cool @winxy-writing @winxys-written-world
Character and Worlbuilding
1. My brilliant nerd daughter!!! She sometimes gets so into coding or a video game she forgets to eat or drink so the girls watch out for her. Sheâs prone to dissociating, especially if the situation is emotional. Her hair is really soft. she actually loves sappy romantic things but has trouble accepting them or vocalizing that she wants them because theyâre impractical/illogical. she discovered romcoms when she got to alfea and they are her ultimate guilty pleasure(only flora knows abt this and is always slipping recs to her) 2. Theyâre weirdly one of my fav couples??? like maybe its because i relate to and have projected onto both of them lmao. but any ways. Daphne and Thoren actually met when they were kids, but didnât spend much time together because it was at a formal event. Daphne is technically 20 years older than Thoren(only a few years older than Sky), but theyâre the same physical age because Daphne spent so long as a spirit. They probably wouldnât get married as quickly in my version, especially with Daphneâs trauma. Daphne will have nightmares sometimes and Thoren has a whole routine for comforting her and helping her feel safe and grounded. Thoren gets anxious easily, and Daphne will use her magic to subtly change the environment so he feels more comfortable. they like to watch reality tv together and yell at dramatic people. 3. omg yes. this was the most frustrating thing i was watching through winx with my dad like a month ago and every time bloom called her adoptive parents by their first names i yelled at her lol. she would call Vanessa mama and Mike daddy(if you make a kink joke i will eat your liver). She would call Marion and Oritel mom and dad. 4. Yeah kind of! part of her exhaustion in Dowlland was the fact that she had been in fairy mode for so long, hiking underground, and tossed around in a river like??? anybody would need a pick me up after that. She (and all solarians) do have to live where thereâs a lot of natural light as they require a high amount of vitamin d(or the equivalent of it for solarians). short trips usually arenât a problem, Stella is just hella unlucky in the second season lmao. @moonpeachblossom 5. the short answer as to why sheâs a blond (scottish??? in one of the dubs???) in an asian inspired culture/planet is because racism (or not so short bcus its a lot to unpack honestly). the answer in my version however is a pretty simple fix. She bleaches her hair. sheâs paler than musa but she aint white. 6. I havenât really yet!! Helia is struggling with his two fairly opposed cultural influences, trying to figure what he wants and whats right for him. He was raised on Lynphea but had frequent trips to Vaonaa. Lynphea is very grounded, theyâre slow and steady and stubborn. Vaonaa is much more flexible, theyâre flighty and spontaneous and easily adaptable. Heliaâs dads love eachother and helia very much but they are VERY different people and both want different things from Helia(they try not to pressure too much but the expectations are still there). Heliaâs Vaonaaj dad wants him to pursue magic, specifically wind or air magic. Heliaâs Lynphean dad wants him to become a warrior. Helia feels like heâs kind of a misfit in both Vaonaaj and Lynphean culture. It took a while, but he did finally confide his feelings in Flora and she encouraged him to talk with his dads about finding his niche. 7. oooooooh fun fun relationshipsssss Bloom and Sky: so bloom and sky arenât the most stable couple, and in my version it would take bloom a little longer to be ok with dating a prince. Bloom is fairly insecure in her relationships because of self worth issues, and tend to run away from problems instead of dealing with them. Sky on the other hand is confident but doesnât really know how to handle peopleâs feelings and tends to push confrontation. I do believe that with better writing Sky and bloom could be a dope couple but as is in canon theyâre VERY problematic. Stella and Brandon: babies. they love each other so much its the best omg. Stella finds her worth in her appearance but she always seems to take brandonâs complements in a less.... arrogant way? if that makes sense? like she truly appreciates them and wants his support. i wish we knew more about Brandon but heâs legit such a good boyfriend. I think they fight mostly when Stella is being a little selfish, or when Brandon is too busy to meet her emotional needs. Flora and Helia: MORE BABIES. so Helia is more of a drama queen in the comics but weâll ignore that for right now lol. Flora and Helia are probably the least problematic couple in the entire show. They met. Flirted a little. Confessed. and started dating with out any major problems. if i can remember correctly they donât even really fight??? unless icy has frozen heliaâs heart or something lol. I think both Helia and Floraâs love language is quality time so theyâre fairly low key and just like to be in the same space and each other.  Musa and Riven: boy oh boy. Ok so, ignoring the several times Riven was LITERALLY MIND CONTROLLED his character is still difficult to deal with. I think Musa and Riven are both very intense people, and while that can be super fun and develop into a good relationship, it can also lead to LOTS of problems. I think my major problem with how they broke up was that Musa didnât support Rivenâs training? like i understand being upset you canât see ur person often, or if theyâre really busy, but Riven supported Musaâs music several times in the previous seasons it just seemed weird Musa was so unfairly demanding of him? Tecna and Timmy: nerd babies. Theyâre super cute honestly. I think Timmy was probably the one to instigate the relationship and bonded with Tecna over technology since she wasnât super emotionally available at first. They have issues when Tecna is unable to voice her emotions and timmy needs to know what sheâs feeling mostly, but after the first few times theyâve both learned to give the other space to figure their stuff out. Aisha and Nabu: ugh perfect couple. minus the kind of sketchy beginning lol. Aisha and Nabu generally donât fight once they get used to each other. Nabu is a focal point that aisha is kind of bungee corded to if that makes sense? like obvi not in a restricting way. its just Aisha is hella active and needs her own space to explore and grow, but Nabu is her solid ground that she relies on. Aisha and Nex: i actually donât hate nex as much as the rest of the fandom lol. so like i said Aisha is an active, independent woman, and if Nabu was a separate, stationary, focal point for her, I think Nex is related, moving, counter point. So like Nex can actually keep up with Aisha, and push her and challenge her. Which isnât a bad thing in relationships so long as a mutual respect is there.  8. well. canon is a little..... messy. My version of the girls definitely retain their individualism. for other differences... theyâre just a little more fleshed out? i guess? like Bloomâs moody behavior in the show i think is because of her insecurity issues, so that plays a part in how i draw her and think of her. 9. ok wow this is gonna be tough well here we go Sky: I think sky is an ESTJ heâs not super emotional(inf Fe) but can lean toward controlling(dom Te). he seems to like tradition and think social promises are important(Si). Brandon: ESFJ. Brandon is the mom friend of the boys ok. He goes along with skyâs crazy plans, tries to subtly set Riven up with musa(season 1 i think?), some how managed to land a social butterfly like Stella and seems to just navigate social situations REALLY easily(dom Fe). he also seems to hate being disrespected or taken for granted(Si) stella does this occasionally. Timmy: ISFJ???? thats the vibe i get hear me out ok so in season 2 Timmy gets tecna the exact computer part she needs because 1. He knows they both like things to be practical(Si) 2. He knows and remembered the part she was talking about and filed it away in his brain(Ti) and 3. He and Tecna bonded over tech (Fe) Riven: honestly heâs a tough one.... Maybe a really stunted and angry ISFJ? (speaking from personal experience i am an ISFJ) i donât have a real reason why but rivenâs behavior is really confusing in the show so it makes typing tough..... possibly INTJ as well....... Helia: ISFP. Lmao I might be basing this entirely off of stereotypes but helia has a strong pacifist belief and can be moody(Fi, and more in the comics lol) is attuned to his surroundings(Se) seems pretty focused??(Ni) and i canât think of his Te showing up be it is an inferior Nabu: ISTJ weirdly a good fit with Aisha(ESTP) tho?? even though heâs an Si dom, he doesnât go along with the arranged marriage because its not what he believes(Fi) and heâs stubborn about it(Te). Roy: ENFJ honestly just a cutie. Heâs personable(Fe), focused for the most part(Ni), and is comfortable in his environment(Se). Nex: ENTP? maybe?? Heâs pretty impulsive and has that âwork aroundâ mentality I associate with ENTPs.... idk this one doesnât seem to fit super well... Thoren: Maybe INFJ?? i mean thoren honestly doesnât have a lot of screen time but heâs attentive(Ni), and tries to take care of people(Fe). most of the infjâs i know are fun but weird lol, but i think thoren has anxiety so that could play into him being less âout thereâ in his behavior. if any of yall have input on this feel free to let me know. 10. ooooooh good question. So Iâm basing these on their parentâs name and the names of people from their planet. Bloom: Hestia or Enya, i also think she got sent to earth with an article of clothing or a blanket that had her name on it, which is why her name is the same lmao Stella: Stella is actually named pretty appropriately considering the other names we have are Luna, Radius, Nova, Chimera, and Casandra, all of those are fairly latin/roman based names. but she could also be called Clara, Aura, Venus etc. Musa: Her mom and dad have very asian sounding names but the princess of melody is named Galatea, so honestly anything is on the table. Aulos, Hee-Young, Jia Li, Kaida, etc. Tecna: lol everybody on Zenith has ridiculous names so im just loosely basing them off of sciencey stuff. Nobelia, Xenon, Titania. Aisha: I actually really like Aishaâs name! Ayize, Sizani, Mehrbano would work tho. Flora: what even is the naming system of Lynphea i donât understand it. Im gonna make them vaguely naturey and European-ish?? Calla, Terra, Rowan, Willow, I could go on and on there are so many plant names. 11. Hmmm yeah, so basically in my world a person with TOO MUCH magic gets overwhelmed and kinda goes a little crazy(the ancestral witches) the same thing happens with tritannus when he gets the emperor's throne power. Heâs loyal to icy and she to him until he looses his ability to think clearly and turns on icy, icy gets freaked out and leaves with her sisters when they swoop in to rescue her. they donât so much âbreak upâ as they are âbroken upâ by the circumstances. In general Tritannus does really like Icy, hes attracted to her ambition and powerful personality. Icy started out just manipulating Tritannus but caught feelings oops 12. Yeah so, humans in general can withstand a lot of wild magic as their body âmetabolizesâ it quickly. Kalshara(the cat lady you donât know the name of) used extremely concentrated samples, combined with other spells to keep the wild magic in her body permanently. If a human with out a properly developed magic biome (a lot of earthians only have a low functioning one) get exposed to a wild magic source they would probably gain some aspects of fairy animals, probably not like, fur, or anything but eye and hair color changes, maybe some patterns on the skin. but thereâs also the chance that they would just.... die..... cus that happens with animals too lmao sry. @weirdghostly
#winx#winx club#winxems#askems#theoretical-artist#moonpeachblossom#weirdghostly#anonymous#ask dump#this is so long im so sorry
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I think Aegon VI is gonna fail big time though because even though Varys *thinks* heâs training a perfect prince- heâs never had to deal with real pressure or real problems. Heâs sheltered as fuck.
anon anon anon, never mind that I donât think aegon has a chance in hell to last as much as I wish he did, I think your point is very much moot for the following reasons that Iâll answer to seriously:
*varys* is not training anyone. varys has planned the thing and has been there working towards it for years, but jon connington is handling the kid, not him, and jon wants the best for him, heâs not raising him so he can rule through him;
âheâs never had to deal with real problemsâ: man, heâs spent his entire life in exile, they might have had resources but heâs hardly that rich, heâs also spent his entire life in essos, and unless jonc hasnât made him leave that boat ever (doubtful because he doesnât show any signs of that) he would have seen a fair lot of shit, so like...... man, the literal only difference between him and daenerys in this sense is that dany comes from an abusive af household and that the person sheâs spent more time with was viserys whoâs hardly the most stable person in existence, aegon had one loving parental figure who for some kind of miracle has managed to not give him a shitload of trauma that youâd send him to four different therapists with. and for that matter before going to the wall jon had it so not sheltered that ***tyrion lannister*** of all people had to get him to check his privilege TM at the wall and explain him why all the lowborn people hated him/that he sounded like he thought he was better than all of them because as bad as he had it with cat, in comparison to all of them he was sheltered af same as the other stark kids, and while I donât blame ned for that........ if jon and dany were *not* sheltered according to you, sorry to say but danyâs tenure in mereen hasnât been the best ever and jonâs tenure at the wall ended with him being so good at PR he got murdered by 80% of the damned watch in a mutiny, this argument is realy not holding up;
also: anon, I swear, not coming with a shitload of trauma actually is a good point in your favor. like, there isnât one single person in westeros rn who has had power who wasnât somehow having a shitload of trauma worth four therapists, and if they didnât have it they developed it during their tenure (see: robb). and it shows because all of them make mistakes that are tied directly to their unresolved traumas. and most of them hadnât ruled anywhere before either. the fact that every single fault aegon might have is stuff that any hormonal sixteen year-old might have and grow out from rather than consequences of trauma/abuse/fucked up family situations - like at most heâs a bit entitled but lmao if that is the problem then he can go put himself in line since westeros is choke-full of entitled people - is actually a huge point in his favor because it means that thereâs a way lower chance that being in power would get a toll on his mental health and he wouldnât handle the pressure;
also, not counting the fact that heâs more well-learned than anyone who is giving it a shot, that he speaks also essosi languages so that would be extremely helpful with keeping contact over there, that he actually studied everything that he might need to personally supervise things and not needing to trust advisors who might want to backstab him which is in itself way more than anyone else with at shot at the throne has...... guys, not to be that person, but do yâall realize that the first sign of good parenting is actually raising a kid who will disagree with you and hold their ground if they think theyâre right and who wonât blindly go for anything you might want? and as much as everyone in this fandom seems to think that aegon is there to get manipulated by everyone around him.... the first thing he does when he gets to westeros and jonc tells him to stay back when they take stormâs end is going like ânah Iâll lead the attack and thatâs finalâ, and also heâs so privileged and sheltered that his kingsguard requirements are âtheyâre willing to die for meâ and thatâs it, not that the people in it are nobles or high lords? like, jonc raised him so badly that not only he has no issues sharing his opinion and making it value and not giving a fuck that others might not want him to do it regardless of his position, but he also has even less prejudices than jon himself who was the one telling him that the kg should be reserved for highborns? do we assume this is the kind of person who the moment heâs in charge wouldnât gaf about the smallfolk? or who would let the small council lead him around if he wasnât sure of what they were proposing? also he listened to tyrionâs advice and took it into account and decided to go for it based on his own understanding and guess what, aegon and jonc were in adwd for what, four tyrion chapters or five maybe plus two of joncâs and they accomplished in that time span more than anyone else has in the last two books put together when it comes to efficiency. like. the kid doesnât fuck around and knows what he wants and how to get it, and the fact that heâs been trained for it by people who knew what was needed for that job shows.
like: sorry anon, but aegon vi targaryen as it is right now is literally the most qualified person for that job and the fact that he also is mentally ready to handle it because the person who raised him was so bad at it that he came up with the only literal teenager in westeros who has *normal* teenager issues and doesnât need a therapist stat and who also has, differently from what 90% of this fandom thinks, a personality and who is not afraid to show it and to use his brain to take his own decisions even if it means disagreeing with the only parental figure he has/their plans for him......... sorry to say, but itâs the actual winning card here. not counting the fact that if you had an education for ruling a realm youâll automatically have better premises than people who did not and have to figure it out from scratch with advisors who actually have no experience with that either (like all of danyâs entourage before tyrion gets there in the show, letâs not even discuss the books, doesnât have one single person who has that kind of training, theyâre from different fields that are not counseling rulers in political matters, and jon at the wall hardly has that never mind that he pushes away most people heâs friends with which is Not A Good Idea, and robb was trained to be a lord not a king, and it shows that the moment cat was out of the picture he fucked up 90% of his political decisions.. and robb is my favorite character guys but letâs be real X°D aegon has them instead).
now, I donât think heâll realistically last long enough on that throne to prove it, but if this is your argument against aegonâs targ restoration, sorry but Iâm afraid it doesnât really prove anything. and for that matter if we see âhaving had a crappy childhood/having come from an abusive situation/not being *sheltered*â as basic requirements needed to rule then weâve got a problem, because every single noble person in westeros is born sheltered and 90% of the time stays sheltered unless theyâre not the kind of people who talk to the smallfolk/get involved or are stannis baratheon and donât gaf about class background. like, everyone noble generally is. and at that point if the choice is in between someone who needs four therapists to cope with their shit before even attempting to go for it and someone who doesnât Iâll grant you that the latter choice isnât automatically the worst. ps: this comes from someone whose only top five character who wouldnât need therapy is davos, and the other four together would need at least a soccer team of them to deal with all of their shit, so Iâm not saying that people with trauma canât rule - heck, I think jon did a fair good job of it and dany tried her best and robb did too and while he was hand tyrion did an even too good job of it, and others succeeded while handling it, but if youâre telling me that the reason aegon would fail is that he doesnât have years worth of trauma to unpack at the therapistâs office sorry but if anything itâs a point in his favor. X°DDDD
#jon connington#young griff#aegon vi targaryen#my hand slipped#sorry guys my aegon stanning side is showing#like don't take this as bashing either jon or dany or anyone#BECAUSE I <3 JON and at this point the show is making me root for dany so what the hell#but come on XDDDD#this argument really doesn't hold up sorry#janie writes meta#guys jonc was actually good at parenting make peace with it#i said what i said#Anonymous#ask post
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Alphas and Hive Minds
HTTYD and now Godzilla:KOM have done me too dirty on this topic, I HAVE to rectify this
so letâs break this down
âalphasâ are a very human-centric concept (and more arguably, a specifically capitalistic concept), and arenât typically present in nature in the ways we expect them to be, if at ALL
âdominanceâ is at best a fluid concept that can sometimes help map out relationships b/t individuals under certain contexts, but itâs NOT an inherent trait. hereâs a quote from an excellent article on the subject, PLEASE go read the whole thing:
You canât really say âan animal is dominantâ in the same way that you canât say âan animal is chasing.â Who is that animal chasing, and who is that animal dominant in relation to?
While there are many hazy definitions of the word dominance in the current scientific literature, the most accepted one that I have seen is that dominance is a factor of a relationship between two individuals regarding control of resources. In this relationship, the submissive individual will allow the dominant individual to have the resource. Theoretically.
What dominance is NOT is a character trait. No animal is born âthe alpha.â Studies of wolves in captivity and in the wild have shown that the fact that an individual is the highest-ranking member of one pack has little to no bearing on the animalâs rank if it moves to a new pack. Similarly, studies of parent-raised canids have found that no stable hierarchy forms in litters of pups. And finally, dominance relationships are often based off of the result of a single fight; if two individuals are evenly matched it can be a more or less random conclusion.
as this article goes on to explain, wild wolves typically live in ânuclear familiesâ, so what we perceive as the âalpha coupleâ is actually just the parental unit to the kids who have yet to leave the nest and start their own families. anything approaching âAlpha/Beta/Omegaâ among wolves has mostly been observed in captive situations, where a bunch of random wolves are thrown together and forced to navigate their environment together-- itâs uncomfortable for everyone involved
now this isnât to say that wild animals are NEVER hierarchical-- ranking is useful when dealing with large groups of individuals. however, these hierarchies are generally more complicated than a simple âperfect ladderâ concept (again, from the same article):
Figure redrawn from Bradshaw, Blackwell, and Casey, 2009. Dashed lines between pairs indicate no clear dominant individual despite multiple interactions. No line between a pair indicates that the pair rarely interacted.
(while not necessarily an example of wild animal hierarchy since this is mapping out relationships within a group of shelter dogs, itâs a good example of the complexities of larger group relationships)
and one last important quote from that article, relating to submission (seriously, read the whole thing):
So much of the literature focuses on agonistic behavior, yet agonistic behavior is far, far rarer in wild canids than submissive behavior is. In nuclear wolf families, aggression is almost nonexistent.
The word âsubmissiveâ has a negative connotation. It suggests a loss of power, a humbling, a subjugation. It might be better to remove it as a label for certain types of canid behavior, in that case. Canids donât demand submissive behavior from one another, they offer it. Muzzle-biting in wolves, which seems fierce, is usually solicited from the animal being bitten- several times in a row. Far from the popularized âalpha roll,â canids rarely force each other to roll over- they use rolling over as an invitation to play or a plea for affection. This type of affiliative, cohesive behavior makes up the vast majority of all social behavior in canid groups.
A wag of the tail and an open, panting mouth is called submissive by the literature, but in that case, so is a human smile.
while this article focuses on canids, there are plenty of examples of wild groups of animals w/ some sort of ranking/hierarchy (including non-predatory animals!), just be mindful of the sources u look into. even scientific sources could have a bias based on the researcherâs personal social background
even if we ARE treating dominance as an actual trait, or creating a âperfect ladderâ hierarchy, thereâs a BIG difference between asserting dominance via size/strength/pheromones/etc. vs. straight-up mind-controlling a group to do ur bidding. however, mind-control is unfortunately how most âalphaâ media seems to frame dominance, which is simply not even POSSIBLE in nature, as far as we know
this is where we see botched attempts at âhivemindâ, which isnât even present in the hives we associate it with. hereâs a post that breaks down social insects RLY well (which I recommend reading in full), but for the sake of this post, Iâll just quote some important sections:
If you think of a social insect colony as a superorganism, which itâs useful to do in many cases, different groups of insects within the colony act like organs. One caste protects the colony from invaders, which is like an immune system. One caste scouts for new places to forage, which is like a sensory system. Generally, science fiction has a good grip on this idea. Where sci-fi authors fail is that they think the queen is the brain of this superorganism. She is not. She is the reproductive system. The queen does not control what happens in the hive any more than your reproductive system controls what happens in your body. (Which is to say, she has some influence, but she is not the brains of the operation.)
~~~
Now, Iâve already told you that the queen is not the brain of the hive. So where is the brain? Well, that is exactly the point of swarm intelligence. The brain does not reside in one particular animal. Itâs an emergent property of many animals working together. A colony is not like your body, where your brain sends an impulse to your mouth telling it to move, and it moves. Itâs more like when two big groups of people are walking toward each other, and they spontaneously organize themselves into lanes so no one has a collision (x). Thereâs no leader telling them to do that, but they do it anyway.
Much of the efficiency of social insect colonies comes from very simple behavioral rules (x). Hymenopterans, the group of insects that includes ants, bees, and wasps, have a behavioral rule: work on a task until it is completed, and when it is done, switch to a different task.
~~~
The existential terror of the hive mind in science fiction comes from the loss of the self. The idea is that in a social insect colony, there is no individual, but one whole, united to one purpose. No dissent, disagreement, or conflicting interests occur, just total lockstep. I totally get why thatâs scary.
The thing is, itâs just not true of real social insects. There is conflict within colonies all the time, up to and including civil war.
~~~
Hereâs what I find weird about depictions of social insects in science fiction. They are portrayed as utterly alien, Other, and horrifying. Yet humans and social insects are very, very similar. The famous sociobiologists E.O. Wilson and Bernard Crespi have both described humans as chimpanzees that took on the lifestyle of ants.
and even worse than a false attempt at hivemind among just one species, âhivemind alphasâ in popular media are often shown to control an array of completely separate species! as if all these diverse, uniquely-evolved creatures answer to the same, single power!
"but what if I want to KEEP alphas/hivemind? is there a way to do it âright?ââ
well, there might just be! here are a few ways Iâve thought of
1) integrate âdominance as a traitâ into reasonable caste systems and/or hierarchies
sure, something like âdominanceâ could theoretically be an inherent trait under certain circumstances, but what would that MEAN for the species this occurs in? this sort of system would evolve for a REASON, so what purpose do castes with different levels of âdominanceâ serve to the overall community?
does dominance correlate to a certain set of tasks (IE-- alphas fight and protect, omegas gather/grow/prepare food)? or is this simply a way to better keep the peace among a huge group of individuals that would otherwise in-fight too much if there werenât any genetically-predetermined parameters in place (and if this is the case, what kind of tumultuous relationships must this species have that they wouldnât be able to solve these issues thru social interaction)? or maybe this is a purely reproductive strategy, and there are either several different sexes based around dominance, or different castes within sexes that perform different sexual/social roles depending on population and breeding season (and if so, how does dominance factor into these reproductive strategies)?
for as much flack as the genre gets, there are a lot of ABO/omegaverse fics that actually do rly cool worldbuilding w/ the concept of âdominance as a traitâ and/or genetically-predetermined castes, so I know it can work lmao
2) lean HEAVY into exploring autonomy/individuality and mind control
if u want an alpha that can override the autonomy of others, then donât shy away from the full implications of that
what does it mean for this society if one single creature can override individual autonomy? what does this level of control mean for individuality-- if thatâs even a concept that exists for these creatures? do individuals feel any particular way about their lack of true autonomy-- are they relieved to not be under the pressure of having to making decisions themselves? maybe they even feel that individuality is a psychological death-sentence-- after all, what is anxiety if not the existential dread of individuality?
are alphas born into this position of mental control, or do mentally strong individuals battle for it? if this is the case, are alphas the only ones that could be considered truly autonomous individuals? or perhaps alphas are more of the mouthpiece for the collective consciousness of their community, so their opinions and feelings shift to reflect the average consensus of their community?
if a single creature can control individuals across a wide area (such as across an entire planet), how do they do it? do they have far-spreading pheromones, a loud call, or do they use second-tier individuals to exert their control? or are all individual members of the community connected into a complex neural network? is this network so intimate as to connect all individuals in a mental web that can be tapped into at any moment, despite distance? what can transfer across this network-- complex thoughts/language, visuals, or just emotional suggestions?
also, please think deeply about how far-reaching an alphaâs control is in your world. sure, perhaps a complex neural network evolved early on enough that all of a planetâs species fall under the control of this neural umbrella, but thatâs prettyyyy unlikely. a much smaller taxa level makes more sense, like just a species. this species may still be the dominant species of a given planet, but their alphas arenât controlling EVERYTHING on that planet-- it would be FAR too much effort to control every little ecological system. or at the very least, the control exerted beyond an alphaâs own species would be very weak compared to the full control they exert over their own-- perhaps they can only implant suggestions or telepathically communicate w/ other species?
though just because the alphaâs community consists of a single species doesnât mean there canât be diversity-- social insects like ants and bees are a great example of specialized tasks leading to diverse morphology among a speciesâ castes
3) the society is actually a TRUE superorganism of systems with a leading âbrainâ
are there even any separate individuals in this world, or is the âalphaâ in fact the âbrainâ, and all other âindividualsâ are their various limbs and organs? real-life hives/colonies without a âbrainâ allow for highly-efficient, decentralized coordination among as many as thousands of individuals, so what is the advantage of a âsingleâ-organism society setup with a single âbrainâ?
this is a great route to go if u rly RLY want a multi-species hivemind, b/c u could make the base organism a parasite-- cordyceps fungi, anyone? parasites still tend to be species/clade-specific, but at least this physical conduit makes more sense for a multi-species hivemind
-Mod Spiral
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Permission to use above images and personal story were granted by my friend, Faith, pictured above.
In honor of my friend who is not on tumblr, and since it is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I want to spread awareness through her story. Please share this!! <3Â
I know this site has some issues occasionally where maladaptive coping mechanisms for mental health issues are sometimes romanticized. But the truth of people like Faith is that these ways of dealing with your feelings and the person you become is not your friend. Iâm paranoid posting this because I donât want people to think Iâm trying to get attention by using her recovery story, because a lot of media portray (inaccurately or in bad taste) eating disorders for that reason and I would never try to add to that. I also didnât want to put her picture up in case I trigger anyone, but honestly, this was and is her reality. Itâs a lot of peopleâs realities and I think itâs an important part of her story. Thereâs a lot of kids on tumblr that are exposed to peopleâs personal soap boxes, some of those people mean well, some donât, but regardless of intentions they can and will influence others. This can include introducing, enforcing, reinforcing, or romanticizing unhealthy or extremely harmful ways of dealing with mental health, seeking validation for their feelings, or body image issues.Â
I donât want to see anyone try to abuse negative tactics in general, but especially because they saw someone else doing it and making it look like a positive thing. And I want to say that Iâm SO proud of her for recovering (spoiler alert lmao) and being the strong woman she is. Iâm inspired every day from her perseverance, intelligence, and her entire view of the world. Weâve been through a lot together, and when something bad happens to me she always asks what Iâm doing to cope first and foremost (and when we lived together sheâd shove a chocolate bar under my bedroom door lmao) She taught me to be more like me, embrace myself the way I wish I had known how to my entire life, including my flaws and quirks. I learned how to function through my own negative feelings, how I can help myself (and not pretend my mental health issues donât exist) because of her. I didnât even know I needed to recover from past abuse and traumas until I talked to her. I owe her so much, Iâm a significantly better person because of her being in my life. And to think she was almost never in my life at all is terrifying. But that could be someone elseâs reality, so itâs important to me that people understand eating disorders. I know this is a lot of words, but please reblog this!! <3 <3 I truly believe her story should make itâs way around both for awareness, and as a light to those that eating disorders affect!! <3Â
Faithâs Story (Written by her on FB, again, permission to post on tumblr was granted by her):
âSince it's National Eating Disorder Awareness week I just wanted to raise some awareness for eating disorders and share my story- I debated heavily whether or not I wanted to post this. I don't like throwing my dirty laundry out there and I don't want people to think that this what this is. I'm not looking for anyone's attention, pitty, or validation; I don't need it. I'm happy and healthy now, that's what matters. I posted this to raise awareness about eating disorders, what they're about, and to give hope to anyone else struggling. I suffered from an eating disorder from a fairly young age, triggered by an abusive parent. But even after the parent was removed from my life I was still left with the eating disorder. I used restriction as means to control the memories, flashbacks, and trauma. Focusing on superficial things like my weight and calories was less painful than thinking about what had happened to me. It felt like I was constantly in and out of treatment during my teenage and young adult years. I always went through treatment with it feeling like it wasnt really helping me, and me just waiting for it to be over. After my last bought of treatment I accepted that I would never fully recover. I was physically stable and healthy and living a normal life, but I was still mentally controlled by my eating disorder everyday. No one expected me to get better. I didn't expect me to get better. I learned to live with it. I felt my family was always on edge waiting for the relaspe that would be the end of it all. And deep down in my head I figured one day my eating disorder would eventually kill me; and many times I hoped it would. I accepted the fact that my eating disorder would always be my evil little pal who was always there for me. It wasn't untill I met my current boyfriend that it all changed. He got me into the life of health and fitness. At first it was incredibly difficult. I was surrounded by triggers, and always came home from the gym crying because I saw myself in the mirror or I thought people were judging me. But he kept supporting me, keeping me motivated to fuel by body to help build muscle and support workouts. I was fortunate enough to have supportive friends who were there for me at my best and my worst. Slowly, going to the gym became easier, working out became less triggering and eating became more rewarding. I can now proudly say that I am fully recovered. It definitely didn't happen overnight but as years went by I continued to heal in ways I didn't think we're possible. I am way above my target weight and happy with my body. I know my eating disorder would have been horrified to see what I have become and I'm glad because I would have never found happiness with that attitude. I never thought I would learn to love and appreciate my body and what it can do. I never feel guilty about eating, I can enjoy any kind of food, and I don't feel bad about it. I learned how food could FUEL my body, and help me accomplish new and better goals. I'm not triggered or bothered my mirrors or reflections. I did what I and everyone else thought was impossible; I recovered. I'm not posting this to say that my journey is the way for everyone, but to say that full recovery is possible. There's a way for everyone to recover, and it IS possible and you ARE worth it. Whatever you are going through, the potential to overcome it is within you, no matter how hopeless life may feel. I would also like to add that eating disorders come in ALL shapes and sizes. You cannot tell how healthy someone is just by looking at them. Only 10% of people diagnosed with eating disorders are actually underweight. Being at a normal, or above average weight does not make an eating disorder any less serious; eating disorders can still kill those who appear healthy. Anorexia is not the only eating disorder. So is bulimia, binge eating disorder, EDNOS (eating disorder not other specified) and more. I understand comparison photos are controversial because they can spread the stigma that eating disorders can be visably seen, so please don't let this post steer you in that direction. My photos are here to share my story and apart of me embracing who I have worked so hard to become. If anyone has any questions at all, is struggling, or just needs someone to talk to my inbox is ALWAYS open. If you're worried you might have an eating disorder please feel free to take this free, anonymous screening test- https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/screening-tool â  And as she said she is always willing to talk to anyone, so if you would like to just message me and I can get you into contact with her <3
#National Eating Disorder Awareness Week#NEDA#NEDA week#Eating Disorders#Eating Disorder#ED#Awareness#TW#TW eating disorders#tw eating problems#tw eating habits#tw eating disorder#Eating disorder recovery#tw body dysmorphia#tw body image#tw underweight#tw food#tw food mention#tw eating mention#tw eating disorder mention#tw weight#tw weight mention#tw abuse mention#gosh I think that's all the tags I can think of hope I didn't miss any#if I did please let me know!!
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