#like god they were always one of the most important bands in my life

[yohankang]

just came back from the most fun concert in my life!!!

[classypauli]

She’s the Man

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x fem Reader Summary: With the new university Y/N meets new opportunities, plays on the football team, meets new people, makes new friendships, and maybe finds something she didn’t think would find.... But being dressed as her brother can create little problems in the future. She’s the Man AU A/N: So this fic will be based on the movie She´s the Man, it won´t follow every step of the story, I had it in mind some time now and have been thinking about if it is a good idea or not but well, here goes nothing… Not forcing anyone to read this, idk just wanted to try something new. Warning: first time writing, bad grammar and punctuation in complex sentences, spelling errors, boring and awkward Word count: 5k I DON’T OWN THE MOVIE THIS STORY IS BASED ON OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE IN THERE. IT’S ONLY FICTION AND NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

Chapter 1

Y/N is sitting in her brother´s room, eyes wide open  „You can´t be serious! How am I supposed to do that?!“ she shouted at him. „I´ll be thankful to you till the end of my life.“ well, that won´t be for long if she decides to kill him right now. „Charlie-“

„Please Y/N you are my only hope, you know I´ve been wanting to go to this festival for so long, you know what it means to me, please.“ he puts his hands in a praying position, and now his puppy eyes are the only thing his sister can see. „Ew get away from me.“ she pushed him into the chest as he stumbled back.

Charlie, Y/N´s twin brother, wants her to impersonate him. Yeah, you heard it right, he wants his sister to go to his school and act like him this whole time that he will be on tour. He is in the band, their parents aren´t really happy about it, they say that music won´t get him anywhere and he should concentrate on the more important stuff. Y/N´s sad because she was always like if something makes you happy, that´s all that matters, right? But he isn´t giving up, he still hopes that he can convince them about being serious with music.

And don´t get her wrong, she´d do anything and everything for him, he is her brother, her twin, but this... She´s not so sure, it´s just too much, what if they find out? What if she isn´t good enough and mess up? What would their parents say? Oh God too much pressure on her shoulders and she didn´t even say yes.

But his sad and disappointed eyes are her last straw. „Gosh.... m'kay.“ Y/N whispered under her breath almost unnoticed. Charlie´s eyes lit up like Christmas lights and started running to his sister yelling „Thank you thank you thank you! I promise I´ll do anything for you!“ He almost suffocated her when they hugged. „Careful with your words and now get off I can´t breathe!“ he immediately pushed himself off and started his little winning dance.

She rolled her eyes at him „So how we are going to do that? I mean, I need to look exactly like you, act like you, talk like you, and EVEN SMELL like you? Well now I´m not so sure if I can do this I mean-“ she looked at him and scrunched up her nose. „Oh, you didn´t you f-“ he hit Y/N with the pillow in the head. She started laughing at her brother's offended face. „Just kidding stop being a baby.“

He stood up and started thinking „Well we look alike, like a lot, so there won´t be much work in the face-“ „What?!“ „-but you need to learn how to walk like me and dress like me. Stand up we are having our first lesson.“

They were practicing her walk, or more like his walk, and she got it pretty right. Clothes won´t be a big problem cause they wear uniforms and wearing baggy clothes is one of the most comfortable things for her. She doesn´t know how she will do it but for her brother, she needs to at least try.

A couple of days passed and now Y/N is sitting in the passenger seat, Charlie is behind the wheel. Sun is shining through the windows of their parent's car. She is wearing her school uniform and her leg is bouncing up and down in black uncomfortable shoes.

„Stop Y/N it will be okay-„ she turned to him „Well it´s easy for you to say! You aren´t the one dressed as me!“. Okay maybe she´s a little dramatic but she´s shitting her uniform pants right now, oh God please let this be over already.

Y/N didn´t even notice and they were already in front of the school. Students were walking back and forth, laughing and greeting each other after the holidays. The girl wasn´t a social kid growing up. I mean she doesn´t have a problem with talking to others, the problem is in the start of conversations. She can try as hard as she can but she never knows how to begin. Her mind suddenly stops working and becomes quiet. She´s not shy, at least she doesn´t think she is. For the longest time of her life, she thought that she was an introvert but as she was getting older she realized maybe she´s just a quiet extrovert. Y/N likes to listen to people more than talk to them. She likes to be by herself but also enjoys the company of the right people.

„Okay we are here, “ Charlie said „Just try to enjoy it, it will be fun“. Yeah, his twin is boiling with excitement.

They got out of the car, her brother went to get her bags from the back and she just stood there. Just like a kid for the first time going to school, doesn´t know what's waiting for them. She just realized that this is real and that what is she going to do is a crazy idea.

„Ch-Charlie I think I changed my mind I can´t do this-“

„Y/N STOP-“

Walking to her dorm room is the next thing, bags in hands trying to find her room. Finally, she sees the right numbers and she can´t wait to put these heavy bags in there. She unlocked the door and walked straight to the room.

„Oh hi!“ Y/N heard from the other side, looked up and her eyes met with the unknown boy.

„I´m Percy.“ he walked up to her and offered his hand „I´m guessing you are my roommate?“ He was a little taller than her and had long brown hair.

„Yeah, nice to meet you my name´s Y-Ch-Charlie, my name´s Charlie.“ she said as she shook his hand. Damn! She needs to concentrate more.

„Well Charlie pleasure to meet you“ he smiled „I´d like to sit and talk with you but I have to go now, you can put your clothes right there, and on the left side of the door is the bathroom, thankfully every room has one so not all students have to share the same one.“  Well, at least it would be easier for her to shower. Y/N thanked him as he walked away. With a sigh, she fell right into her new bed. She started unpacking and soon walked out of the dorm. She doesn´t know where is she going but she will find out. Silently cursed at her new roommate for rushing away even though he knew she was new. Y/N was in her world passing around the corner of the hallway until someone smashed into her.

“Oh shit I’m so sorry!”

The girl moved her gaze to the voice and there was a guy, he was taller than her and looked like he was in a rush, he was holding some clothes which were probably PE uniform.

“I didn’t mean to do it I swear I didn’t see y-“

“Hey it’s okay nothing happened but damn you are in quite a rush”. she laughed and he started to rub his neck.

“Yeah, I’m heading into football practice and I’m late again, oh God my coach is going to kill me, last time he said if this happens one more time he will kick me out of the team.” he kept rumbling but the only word Y/N could catch in his sentence was “football”.

“But hey at least you are okay, I’m glad nothing serious happened-“ she cut him off.

“Wait you play football?”

“Uhm yeah, doesn’t it look like it?”. He asked in a small voice as if he was sad about it. What? He definitely looks like someone who does some sport, he is big and tall with his big arms wide shoulders, and athletic legs.

“No I didn’t mean it like that-” he kept watching her with curious eyes “-I just used to play football too and yeah, I don’t even know why I react-“ his face lit up.

“You can go with me! We have enough space in our team!”

“Thank you but am not sure if-“

“No! Please! I’m not going to force you but you can at least come and look, please-“ he was giving her puppy eyes now “-if you come with me then the coach would forgive me maybe if I said I was bringing you-“

“So that’s what it is about!”

“No! Well- maybe- but it would be cool to have someone new on our team! And we are missing a midfielder because of his injury, so you could fill up his place”. Well maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea, she can at least try. Y/N looked up at him and nodded.

“YES! Come with me- wait my name’s Mason”

“Charlie” she introduced herself with her brother's name.

They shook hands and started to walk into a field.

„You are new here, right? I don´t think I saw you before.“-

Y/N was now standing inside the cafeteria, she was looking around for a spot when suddenly she saw Percy, he was sitting in one of the middle tables with some of his friends. Before she could do anything he looked up and saw her.

„Charlie!“ he waved his hand for her to come over to the table, his friends already looking at her. Well, there´s no way to go back now.

„Hey, I wanted you to introduce me to my friends.“ he said smiling „This is Hunter and Georgie.“ Y/N shook their hands and took a seat.

„Nice to meet you, Charlie, “ Hunter said, „so how´s the first day goin´?“

„Well I´m just warming myself in here but so far I don´t have any negative words.“

Georgie took a sip of something he had in his cup and looked at her „That´s good, if you have a problem with something just ask.“

Hunter laughed at Georgie „Yeah but I don´t recommend asking Georgie for help with a class, he is the one who should seek help with that.“

„I´m not!“ he said offended. Y/N could only laugh at their bickering. „Don´t mind them-“ Percy wanted to continue with his sentence but his eyes caught something more interesting. She followed his gaze until she was met with three girls who walked into the cafeteria. They sat opposite their table and were discussing something that Y/N´s ears couldn´t hear because of the loud noise of other students in the room. She knew that Percy knew them or at least one of them, she would be an idiot to not catch that stare he was giving them but she was fighting with inner thoughts if she should ask or not. Before she could even decide Hunter saw that and turned around to look.

„Oh, “ he said, and soon Georgie followed Hunter's action and started laughing. „you may wonder why is Percy stuck. “ he said to Y/N. „Well Charlie, the one girl in the middle is Jenna, and Percy here has been trying to get with her forever but with no answer “. Oh, so he was looking at her. Yeah no wonder, she caught Y/N´s attention pretty quickly. She was really attractive even from this far. „He tried everything.“ Georgie continued „from writing her letter and getting it into her locker, drawing her portrait and leaving it on the seat she used to sit at to ask her in person but nothing!“ he laughed and Percy punched him into his shoulder. „This is not funny! I don´t know what to do anymore!“.

„Have you thought about that maybe she didn´t see you in that way?“ Hunter asked as he turned back to him.

„Of course you idiot but at least she could give me a chance“ 

„Well, I don´t know I mean... it´s a little strange I can´t even remember if I have ever seen her with someone. There are lots of guys who wanted to get with her but she turned them down, maybe she doesn´t want a relationship now-“ Hunter still kept looking at him with a serious face „-Or maybe she just thinks you are a creep.“ Georgie said and started laughing again. Percy groaned and put his head in his hands. Y/N could only smile at this boy, he was hilarious.

They were sitting there and talking mostly about classes and professors in school. She learned that Percy is in an art club and loves to paint. That would answer the question of why he has so many paintings on the walls of his side of the room, Y/N must admit he is talented and has a unique style. Hunter and Georgie, the two boys she just met, were friendly, they always tried to keep her in a conversation and asked her questions about her last school, hobbies, and family. The girl may don´t know them for too long but she can already say that she feels comfortable with them.

Y/N was speed walking out of her last class, she had a long day and couldn´t wait for it to end. Tomorrow she´s going to have her first training and she wanted to get herself some sleep. She was thinking about things to do when suddenly her body crushed into someone. Yeah, again.  She heard a small ugh and the sound of books falling on the floor. Well only her luck. She picked herself up and looked at who was the other person. She didn’t know if her eyes were making some magic on her or not. She realized what happened and started picking up her books from the ground.

“I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to!“

“No no, it was my fault.” Y/N looked at her and was met with big doe eyes. Her brain couldn’t process what was happening. In front of her was Jenna, the girl from the cafeteria, she was wearing a school uniform and stood shorter than Y/N, her dark brown eyes, which she couldn´t see a couple of minutes ago clearly, matched her long hair.

Suddenly the door from a principal’s office opened and he walked out. „What is-?“ he started but as he looked at the scene in front of him he smirked. „Getting to know the opposite sex, are we? Male-female dynamics. All that sexual tension. It's all part of the high school experience. So continue. Please. But keep it clean, though. OK. Abstinence is key. Abstinence is... the best way to not is to not... yes.“ he slowly took back steps and closed his door.

„Well“ Y/N sighed and looked and the other girl „That was awkward... is he always like this? Friendly?“ she asked her. Jenna softly laughed „Are you kidding? That´s him being rude“.

„Okey... ehm... I´ll continue with my way.“ She didn´t know why she was acting like this. „Here are your books.“ She handed her them and shot her apology for eyes „Sorry again I didn´t mean to.“

Jenna only looked up at her with wide eyes „It´s okay, nothing happened “ she smiled „Hope to see you again“.  Y/N quickly walked away leaving the other girl behind her. Damn, she needs to put herself together.

The next day Y/N felt a lot more relaxed, she spent almost all afternoon with Mason and she decided that he just become her favourite person. He was so kind. Keeping an eye on her and always asking if she needed anything. He was outgoing and even though her new friend was the polar opposite of her social life, Y/N couldn´t help but feel comfortable with Mason.

The whistle was heard from the football field and Y/N was trying to find her way of getting the ball into the net. God, she missed it so much. Her legs were running like there was no tomorrow, others got in her way to stop her but they never succeded, Y/N was too good. She knew that. In the past, when she used to play, she was one of the best, if not the best, in her team. She truly enjoyed it and now that she finally had the football ball on her foot there was no way to stop her. Y/N shot the ball into a net and it flew straight to the right top corner of the goal.

„What? Charlie! How are you this good man?“ Mason ran to her and grabbed her shoulders smiling. „And here you wanted to decline my offer!“

„Well I got a little lost.“ They started walking slowly to get their water as they got a quick pause from the coach.

Some people were sitting on the tribune but she didn´t mind. This wasn´t only a football field, there were a lot of sports grounds and right now there were a lot of athletes too. She scanned the chairs when suddenly she caught the girl. The same girl she saw for the first time in the cafeteria and the second time ran into. She had books on her knees and a bag beside her, her hair was waiving in soft wind. But there is no way that she came to look at the football training, right? She was waiting for someone, maybe her friend. But as she kept looking, their eyes met and Y/N quickly looked the other way. This was embarrassing. Luckily she was saved by the whistle and that made her jog her way to the coach.

At the end of her training coach called the girl on the side „Good job today Y/L/N, I would be glad if you come next practice.“ he said as he waited for her answer.

„Yes, you will see me, thank you for having me.“ He only nodded his head and walked away. Mason came to her side and was smiling widely „You impressed him today, I wouldn´t be surprised if he let you play in our next game.“ his eyebrows went up and down.

She was glad that she let herself be talked into this, Y/N hadn´t felt this alive since she could remember. It was for sure a good idea and couldn´t wait for the next practice. As she was walking back she shot one last glance at the tribune only to find the spot Jenna sat in empty.

Y/N was leaning on a table, they were waiting for their professor to start a class. She´s standing beside Percy, Hunter, and Georgie. They are talking about plans for the weekend. Y/N doesn´t really listen she just looks like she is listening.

She was thinking about her brother and how she would call him when her class was over. He already texted her, asking how it was going and if she had any troubles. She misses him, but she won´t tell him that of course, and how could she not, he is her twin, her other half.

The teacher walked to their group with a bucket in her hand. „Everyone, please take a slip and read off the name of your lab partner.“ Percy was the first one who grab the folded paper, he got Emma Myers. Emma was one of the group of girls they saw in the cafeteria. „Oh you are lucky, she´s cool.“ Georgie says and Hunter nods at his words.

Y/N unfolded her paper “Jenna Ortega” she says out loud and Jenna immediately looks at her with a smile. “You know each other?” Percy hissed at her. “No, not really” quickly turned away with a slight hint of red cheeks. “Switch up with me please” he went to grab the paper with the girl´s name on it. “I can’t! She already heard me, what would she think?” the girl grabbed her things and went to her new lab partner.

“Hi.. so you are my lab partner?” “Yeah,” she said smiling.

„I don´t think we introduced each other the other day.“ she was hitting on the day they both ran to each other. „No we didn´t, I´m Jenna.“ she grinned. „I´m Charlie.“ She almost forgot about her brother. Y/N felt Percy´s gaze but didn´t mind him. It´s not her fault that she got lucky to get her as a lab partner, right? It happened because of something she can´t control.

“You know ehm... the whole dissecting thing kind of freaks me out. So, think you may have to take the reins on this one.” she said slowly.

Jenna leaned into the table with her eyes still on the other girl.“Wow, no guy would ever admire that” Oh f- Y/N quickly realized her mistake. What is she even saying? “Shit, you are right” Her hands started to sweat but before the inner thoughts and anxiety could grow even more the brown-haired girl grabbed her hands. “No! It’s okay you don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s cute”

Y/N moved her eyes from their hands and looked at her. God her doe eyes, they were beautiful, so innocent and pure. She lowered her gaze at her smiling lips and then her dimples, at that action Jenna smiled even wider. “So today we are going to-“ she quickly pushed her own hands away and looked at the professor acting like she wasn’t just drooling over her classmate. This will be long.

“So how it went?” Percy asked.

“What do you mean?”

“The talk with Jenna, how it went? What were you talking about?” Y/N turned to him placing books on her table. They were in their dorm right now since their classes were over. “Nothing, just school work” Well she wasn’t lying. They were just talking. He was silent for a minute, looking out of the window.  “What are you thinking about?” the girl questioned him but his eyes were telling that his thoughts were elsewhere.

“Charlie I need you to do something for me” Well this doesn’t start well. “ Can you convince her to go out with me?” “Who?” He turned to her. 

“Jenna of course! It’s just I’ve been into her-“ yeah she had noticed “-for so long and this is like a perfect opportunity for me that she will finally say yes to me.” he sat on her bed and looked up at her. In this position, it seemed like he was giving her an ultimatum like there was no other answer than the one he wanted. And like dude, there may be a reason if she didn’t say yes to you yet. He keeps looking at her waiting for the girl's answer and to be honest, for some reason, she doesn’t really like the idea of him with Jenna together but on the other hand, she can’t just say no to him. Why is she always the one who needs to please someone's needs?

“Well, I’ll see what I can do”. Y/N nodded her head and Percy instantly got up.

“Thank you Char you are a lifesaver!” he smiled wide at her and went to his bed as she just stood there looking at the ground.

At night Y/N couldn´t sleep, she was thinking about what Percy said and she didn´t feel good about it. Because of something, it felt a little disrespectful towards Jenna, almost unfair. But she already agreed. She will just say something nice about him and see where it will go, she can´t influence Jenna´s decision after that and Percy can´t be mad at her if this doesn´t work.

She picked herself up and went to the bathroom, silently thanking God above that this wasn´t a public bathroom, and could shower without being scared that someone could see her. She doesn´t even know what she would say if someone finds out the twin´s secret. But she doesn´t want to think about that option.

A couple of days passed. The classes were good but the football practices were her favourite. Coach wants her to play in the upcoming game and she just can´t wait. Mason is her right hand and he is always supporting her, now when she doesn´t have her brother near, the boy is playing the role of her twin. Today she and Jenna have class again. They are talking a lot more. Y/N liked her, she was sweet and always smiling, she also found out that Jenna likes to listen to music and loves acting. She even recommended some of her favorite movies which Y/N didn´t see yet. They spend a lot of time together, besides being together in class, they also sometimes hang out in the cafeteria and walk together to classes, and sometimes she even sees Jenna watching her practice. Y/N doesn´t know how she found out about her being in the team but she isn´t even sure if the brown-eyed girl is sitting there every practice for her.

„What?“ Jenna was shocked „How come you have never seen that?“ they were talking about films, the movie Scream to be exact. They were sitting under the tree on some bench. Students were walking around chatting, birds were singing in the trees and the sun was shining through the holes of the leaves. Y/N was walking out of class when suddenly she saw the other girl. Jenna asked her if she wanted to grab coffee since they had some free time. So now they were sitting next to each other, talking about everything.

„I have heard about it but didn´t see that, don´t know why.“ Y/N shrugs her shoulders. Jenna only shook her head at the girl.

„That´s a mistake, it´s so cool, the actors, plot, cinematography, blood-“ she started to mumble about the movie when suddenly an amazing idea crossed her mind „we can watch it together sometime!“ she let out and looked at Y/N for an answer. She only kept her gaze on her if she heard it right. She wanted to say yes but there was something in her telling her that it would be unfair for Percy.

„Yeah sure, that would be awesome“ Y/N said smiling. Jenna shot her smile back.

„Okay, so this friday?“ she asked the other girl. Y/N looked at Jenna, she didn´t know this girl would be so fast, she thought they were just talking about the possibility, not that they were already making plans.

„Yes, I should be free.“

„Great, can you give me your phone?“ Y/N gave her phone to Jenna „Here, you better text me football player.“ she said smiling as she stood up from the bench and started to walk away. Y/N laughed softly.

„Of course.“ she whispered under her breath and kept staring at her back until she couldn´t see her anymore. She picked up her phone and looked at the new contact. Jenna xx.

It was already the end of the week Y/N was getting ready to hang out with Jenna, and she texted her about the details. They are going to watch the film in the other girl´s room since her roommate is going to a party. She walked out of the bathroom and saw Percy, she didn´t tell him about her going out. It´s not like she has to say it to him, right?

„Hey you planning to go somewhere?“ he asked.

„Uhm... yeah, some boys from the football team asked me about hanging out with them.“ she said. Y/N hated lying but what would he say if she told him she was hanging out with the girl he had a crush on? It´s not her fault that Jenna invited her, or is it?

„Oh okay, we are going to the party some students are throwing, wanted to ask you if you want to come but it´s good.“ he only smiled at her. She thanked him and he soon left the room. It was already time to go so she picked up some snacks she bought and left the dorm.

“So? Your rating?” Jenna turned to face the other girl. They just finished watching Scream and all Y/N can say, it got her. They were sitting on the small couch, snacks around them, she faced Jenna and only the light from the TV made her see her. The girl´s hair was loose on both sides of her face, she was not wearing any makeup and her bare face only made the girl’s heart skip a beat. It was refreshing seeing her like this and also Y/N felt proud because this meant that Jenna felt comfortable around her.

“It was pretty good, not bad not good.” Y/N acted unbothered.

“Oh yeah? That’s why you didn’t blink the whole movie?” she smirked at Y/N, she squinted her eyes at her “Be honest.”

“Okay! I enjoyed it so much and actually liked the plot, that’s what you wanted to hear?”

Jenna tilted her head “That’s what I thought. What can I say… I have a good taste.”

They kept silence between them, it wasn’t embarrassing or tense silence. It was comforting. They were looking at each other.

“Tell me about your family.” the brown-eyed girl said softly, holding gaze with the other girl.

“Well, I live with my parents and my twin sister” Jenna raised her eyebrows.

“You have a twin?” Y/N nodded at her question.

“What is she like?”

“Well…“ she didn’t know what to say, it felt weird talking about herself as if she was talking about someone else “She is cool, likes to keep things to herself most of the time, likes reading and writing poems…”

“She sounds interesting, you could introduce us to each other sometime.” she smirked at her.

“Yeah, I think she would like you”

“You think?” Jenna straightened her back “I’m amazing! Of course, she will!”

Y/N throws her head back with a laugh.

“How can you be so sure that you will meet her?”

“Oh believe me” Jenna smiled at Y/N “I know.”

Y/N felt the vibe of the room change. When she was with Jenna she almost forgot about everything and everybody, her brother, her parents, school, her and Percy´s deal, her impersonating her twin…

But only almost.

next chapter

[madelynraemunson]

I’m not sure if you’re taking requests atm but if you are, would you be willing to do an Eddie x reader oneshot/short series based on Sober + Sober II by Lorde? The idea is stuck in my head but I trust you to execute it more than anyone else <3

hngnngh comfort eddie please save me comfort eddie

music is such an important part of life, and a vital part of story-telling in my eyes. so thank you for this!!<3

will you sway with me? go astray with me?

bartender!situationship?eddie x fem!billy's girlfriend!reader

CW: alcoholism, mentions of heavy drinking/alcoholism, fluff, angst, established abusive relationship btwn reader & billy, reader has a bruised face, eddie getting touchy feely; city divider by @emeraldurafreak

WC: 1.4K words

12:00 MIDNIGHT

Oh how fast the evening passes…

“Do I need to cut you off, Munson?”

“Funny. I thought you already did.”

Eddie had been drinking with customers all night and — to his surprise — so have you.

He was shocked to see your face. Especially since you've spent all week avoiding him (and The Hideout) like the plague. For a moment he even thought you ditched him for a cooler bartender and some cooler pub down the way. But the reason behind the week long absence soon registers with Eddie — when he sees the black and blue that decorate your cheekbones, poorly hidden by your blotchy layers of cheap, Dollar General concealer.

God fucking dammit, Eddie thinks to himself. He hit her again.

The grip on his washcloth tightens as he watches you saunter over, looking for your vice to band-aid the problem (like you always fucking do).

Unfortunately as a bartender, it's Eddie's job to deal you some cheap booze, strike up a superficial conversation, and cut you off only when he saw fit. He was to cater to your drinking needs whether he thought it was a good idea or not. And for a while it did start out that way. Until his smitten ass got to know you. Now Eddie always your best interests at heart. And it appears like he's the only one who seems to.

“Your usual, sweetheart?”

“Yes please,” you drunkenly slur. “If you don’t mind...”

He's always going to be more than a bartender to you. And you're more than just a patron to him. Often times, when you get in a fight with your abusive fuck of a boyfriend Billy, you'll find yourself at The Hideout, in the comfort of Eddie's arms, slow dancing to all your favorite songs two hours past closing time while Billy blows up your phone.

A cocktail for disaster for sure.

Eddie knows not to ask. It's a rule in his doctrine pertaining to you, an unspoken loyalty — communicated through swift eye contact — that implies YOU KNOW that EDDIE KNOWS what’s up.

And the more he's gotten to know the complexities of you, the more he's fallen in love.

Despite you breaking all of Eddie's rules about the notion though, Eddie knows that you two could never work. You're gonna keep forgiving Billy. And Eddie will keep picking up the broken pieces... waiting agonizingly long periods here and there wondering if you made it out unscathed or not. It's part of the reason he drinks so much as well, but he'll never admit it. It's a vicious fucking cycle. Eddie's accepted it at this point.

Still doesn’t make it hurt any less. And as much as Eddie wanted to figuratively storm the castle, run up to your tower, and break your ass on out of there, Eddie knows that leaving Billy is ultimately up to you.

The bartender goes to pour you your usual neat shot of "Jack Daniels" while you sit across from him. He's most definitely cutting you off. And when you're as wasted as you are right now, Coca Cola tastes just like liquor.

"Mm!" you cheer as you sip the soda-in-disguise. "Hits the spot. Thank you Eddie."

Amused with himself, he snorts. "Anytime, darlin'."

He goes to clink your glass with his beer bottle, then makes an effort to tell you it's his fourth Wildflower Ale, a sour beer that definitely did not seem like something he would like.

“Odd," you observe. "Always thought you were more of a mead guy.”

He smirks. “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

You shrug.

“I dunno…” a flirty hum escapes your lips. “It’s very… medieval times-y. I can picture the knights in shining armor going to their pubs. Grabbin' mead with one another…"

His cheeks a tinted pink now, Eddie chuckles down at the counter.

"Jesting with one another… preparing for battle…"

“I’m a knight in shining armor?” Eddie blushes at you.

You trail off there, hoping that he gets the rest of the picture.

“I should stop talking.”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, confused and a little disheartened by the way you shut yourself down simply for explaining yourself again. “No. No, I like when you talk.”

King and Queen of the weekend.

As the last of the five drunks stumble out of the bar, Eddie begins to wrap up his closing, finalizing everything at the register and cleaning up the champagne glasses. You watch him as he pops his hip to the right in attempts to switch on the stereo that he had authority over at the end of every shift.

Atmospheric music sounds through the speakers. Meanwhile, Eddie's enamored eyes trail back over to you.

"I can think of another way to get your mind off things," Eddie smiles. "And they don't involve alcohol. Don't involve talking either if you aren't up for it."

Heat settles at your cheeks "Our usual?"

"On the house," he insists.

He nears you now, extending a hand to you to guide you off the elevated bar stool and safely to the ground.

"M'lady," he jests.

You fall into him almost immediately, giving all of you to him in the form of a long overdue hug. The musky pine and cool mint of his fragrance seduces you, his beer breath strangely giving you the same amount of comfort that a warm blanket would. For the first time in days, you finally felt safe.

There’s a distant gaze in Eddie’s fawning eyes as he stares dreamily at your lips. Grazing the small of your back as you two sway, he allows you to nuzzle your head against the crook of his warm neck.

“I hate when you make yourself small," he croaks against you.

You draw a shaky breath, allowing the music and booze to liquidate into your bloodstream as you continue to melt into Eddie. He squeezes you tighter, delicately resting his chin atop your head.

“I’d ask why you do it, but… I think I know the answer.”

“Yeah," you mumble.

“You guys gotten better?”

"Not exactly."

It eats at him, knowing he can't save you unless you wanted to be. You've always been a regular who drank often, but watching you full on spiral into alcoholism as a form of escape gnawed at Eddie's conscience. Especially since he felt like he was feeding it. The guilt of going behind Billy's back probably consumed you on top of everything else you had to deal with.

But Eddie doesn't know the real reason behind why you drink. You drink to go back in time. Back to when you feel okay. Because every time alcohol touches the tip of your tongue, you're whisked back here. Where you feel most safe. You've broken so many rules to be in the presence of Eddie Munson, but you never regret it when you look back because you've never felt this good when remaining 'compliant'.

The cheeky bartender proceeds to go lower, testing his boundaries as the song continues on by softly squeezing your hips with his calloused hands. A tear escapes his eye, quite possibly due to his fear that he probably won't remember this when he wakes up tomorrow afternoon.

"Just say the word and I'll back off," Eddie says to you.

You swallow hard. "Never."

Eds cracks you another smile before luring you further into his grasp.

“Leave him,” he whispers. “Be with me instead.”

"When I'm ready," is what you end up telling him all the time. It still feels like the very first time whenever you say it though. "And when I'm sober."

That's another thing about rules. They're made to be broken. And no memorable hero was ever well behaved.

You end up staying for a couple of hours again. Billy, for some reason doesn't call, and your brain shuts down the desire to even know why. All you were focused on anyways was Eddie and how safe you felt beside him.

"This never happened?" he questions you, scanning the look on your face for an answer.

"Nope," you shake your head discreetly. "Never."

And when you two sober up, you turn the music off, help Eddie stack the chairs, give him a passionate, grateful peck on the lips before heading out...back to home...back to familiarity.

Eddie watches you leave, taking a long anxious drag of his cigarette as your car drives off. When you're out of sight, he rests a hand over his heart, praying to whatever is out there to make sure that there will be another opportunity dance again in the near future.

We pretend that we just don’t care.

But we care.

What will we do when we’re sober?

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

-

K listen, I've haven't written any band FF in a LONG LONG LONG time, mkay? But Bad Omens...Noah Sebastian...mmmph. Let's see how far we get here. If you enjoy, let me know. If you want to be tagged in the next part, let me know that too. If you even so much as take the time to read MY SINCEREST GRATITUDES CAUSE WRITING THIS STUFF IS MY ESCAPE. xo

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Part 1 - Burning Out

Work had been long today. Longer than most days. The customers screaming at me had only taken it's toll so much, but having a God awful supervisor who was hell bent on making me late for my meeting, knowing full well how important my twice weekly meetings were, had completely wiped my energy and patience in one fell swoop. Needless to say, I was in no mood for excess attitude or traffic today. Which is why I found myself cursing at the jackass in the SUV in front of me, taking at least a year to make a right hand turn into the close to empty parking lot where the meeting was being held. It took the last of my self restraint to not lay on my horn and flip a specific finger at the driver.

Finally reaching the normal parking space in front of the unmarked office building, I silently breathed a sigh of relief. I had made it, only 2 minutes later than I should be. I began scrambling for my energy drink and my bag before shuffling out of my car and pressing the fob to hear the beep of the alarm set. My poor beat up Tahoe was doing her best, so I never took my frustrations out on her.

As I crossed the parking lot, I whipped my head around to gauge the spaces, noticing all of the regulars were already here, meaning I was the last to arrive. Sucks, given I'm the meeting organizer. Something caught my eye. A vehicle I didn't recognize, a black SUV. The same one who apparently can't make a right turn to save their life. Newbie? The rest of the offices were closed for the day, so I can't see why else they'd be here.

The building is always so quiet at 6PM, so the tapping of my chucks on the tile floors is louder than I'd like, drawing attention to my obvious lateness. (To who?). Didn't matter. I felt ashamed. These meetings are the most important facet of my life right now. I needed to be more punctual. Maybe next time, I'll tell Supervisor Sam to fuck right off like he deserves.

"Guys, I am so fucking sorry. Douchebag sup made me late...again." I announced as I backed into the door, opening it, and heading straight to the table to pull the Crumbl cookies out of my bag and setting them next to the water cooler and Keurig machine. I always brought sweets. It kept the cravings away.

"No worries Leena, we've just been chatting with the new guy." I turned around to see Abel, my veteran, who was gesturing to someone I didn't know.

I went around the circle of chairs, counting off my regular faces, some newer than others.

Abel, Rodger, Syd, Seth, Ali, Jackson, Mark, and Jillian.

However, sitting between Abel and Jillian was a newcomer, who currently had his back turned, slumped forward in his chair. Brown hair, longer than the hat he wore, black sweatshirt and dark blue jeans. Black sneakers. Hood up. Guarded, uncomfortable. What little of his hands I could see kneading together, they were completely tattooed. Even at Abel's mention of him, he didn't turn to face me.

"Oh! Well good! Great job guys. We can go ahead and get started." I grabbed my clipboard off the table, and rounded the group and took my normal spot next to Syd. By the way her hair was pulled back and her face looked dry and sullen, I could tell we had some things to talk about today.

"Well, my new folks don't typically like to talk first on their first day, but just know, that you being here is only the beginning. And we are all here to welcome you to our group. Right, guys?" I directed my statement toward the stranger, who I now can see more clearly. His face is pale, with the exception of the dark circles rested comfortably above his cheekbones. If I were to take a guess, those had been there a while.

The rest of my group nodded, with several of them giving a quick 'That's right.' and 'Welcome in.'

"I'm Leena, the group coordinator. I can answer any questions you may have?" The stranger just peered at me with dark eyes and shook his head. "Okay, we can jump right in, then."

I could feel Syd next to me bursting to talk, so I looked to her.

"Syd, do you want to get us started today?" She only nodded, wiping some stray tears forming on her cheeks.

Syd was such a beautiful girl. Only 21 years old, it was amazing that she found the strength to come to us so young, and work on turning her life around. Her neon blue hair was knotted on top of her head, and she was picking feverishly at her sleeve of her sweater. I could feel what was coming. I always could.

"I...I fell off the wagon." I only nodded, knowing. She had missed three meetings, and unless someone forewarned me about vacations or work obligations, it almost always meant they were on a bender of some kind.

"Okay," As her tears began pouring, I reached over and ran a hand up her arm. There was a reason I sat Syd right next to me. She had been one of my newest, and biggest challenges. Overcoming the demons was an every day, every moment, every second battle that she was still very much fighting. "It's alright honey. We're all here to support you. No one is judging."

She went on to explain she had began with a mimosa at brunch with her friends, who didn't know she was in recovery. She didn't want them to know, so she tried to just sip. It didn't work. It never does. The one drink lead to a blackout weekend and three days in jail for public intoxication. She lost the job she had just gotten at the local DMV. Syd was going through it. She would need Seth, her sponsor, more than usual right now. He was on the other side of her, clutching her hand as she cried.

Once Syd had finished her confession, and emotionally put her 30-day coin back in the jar, we moved on to Seth.

One by one, through the circle, we heard everyone's stories of recent achievements and sorrows. Challenges and victories. Their ongoing battles. Once Jillian finished telling us about her recent trip to Vegas with her friends, where she managed not to have a single drink. We applauded her, because we all knew how much restraint that took.

I would steal occasional glances at our guest, whose eyes would also glance back at me once in a while, but mostly followed the speakers, never moving in his chair, stoic as cement. This isn't uncommon for people coming here for the first time. It's not easy to do, and it's wildly uncomfortable at first.

However, the circle was now all looking at him, and a look of almost panic flashed across his face.

"Is it on me?" His voice was deeper than I expected, with a clear rasp to it that told me all I needed to know about his history. He belonged here, and we were glad to have him.

I nodded. "How much you tell us is entirely up to you, but all I ask is you at least tell us your name, and why you're here."

He bit his bottom lip, eyes cast at me from across the room, looking up through long, dark eyelashes. "I have to say it out loud?"

"That's one of the first steps." I kept a soft smile on my face. Being warm, and understanding was my entire job here.

Abel's elbow nudged the stranger, who glanced at him, encouraging him. "No worries man, we've all been here."

A hard sigh left his throat, ending with a sharp cough.

"My name is Noah. And I'm an alcoholic."

****

Once the meeting had ended, I was stacking chairs back against the wall, prepping the room for the next meeting, NA. They had their own setup, and would be in here in about 30 minutes. Most everyone had left, with the exception of Abel, Syd, and Noah. Our newest AA member had been pretty tight-lipped about himself, only admitted to being 27 years old, and in the entertainment industry. He didn't elaborate further. That was just fine. If he kept coming, we would encourage him further, but AA was all about getting you through it at your pace. As long as you didn't drink, I was happy.

I was putting away the leftover cookies, planning to take the last couple with me to work tomorrow for a snack. I happened to catch a glimpse of someone leaving the restroom, and I noticed it was Noah. Everyone else had left only a couple minutes ago.

"Oh, hey!" I waved at him to come over. He paced his tall frame over to me, towering over me easily. He had at least a foot of height on me, which was hilarious, given I was a year older and 3 years sober myself.

"Hey, thanks for having me today. I didn't know if you could just come to these things." I slung my bag over my shoulder, smiling at him.

"C'mon, I wanted to chat with you before you left." We made our way out of the building as Angie, the NA organizer walked in past us, smiling at us both.

We reached the parking lot, my green Tahoe and the same black SUV being some of the only vehicles left. It dawned on me that he drove the SUV. Well, he may need a driving lesson, but he seemed nice enough.

I turned to face him before heading for my car. "Have you talked to anyone about being a sponsor? The only requirements I have is that they have been sober at least 6 months. Almost everyone in our group is, with the exception of Syd and Jackson." I could see him chewing his lip, his fingers fiddling with his keys.

"No, I...I didn't think about it." His eyes were looking everywhere but at me.

"Noah?" I asked, trying to get his attention. "Do you know what a sponsor is?"

This drew a short, burst of a chuckle out of him, his lips curling in a sheepish grin while he shook his head. I saw his frame relax for just a second, his arm reaching to scratch the back of his neck.

"I don't." I nodded, chuckling myself.

"No worries! I didn't when I started either." I waved him over to the bench perched just outside the building. He followed me and we sat. "A sponsor is someone to keep you straight. Someone who will keep your head on when you feel like you might fall off." He was listening, eyes fixed on me. "This is the person you call when you want a drink. They'll talk you down, distract you. Support you." He nodded, understanding crossing his features.

"Do they have to be a member of the group?"

"No, not necessarily, but they do need to be sober. A sponsor is no good if they are drinking and setting bad examples."

"Makes sense. I'll think on it." I stood up then, stretching up on my toes to flex my legs that had been sitting most the day. He stayed sat, now looking up at me.

"I do need you to have a sponsor by the next meeting on Thursday, though. Have to have one by your second session. And if you don't have one by then, we can get someone in the group to sponsor you, no problem."

He raised a brow at me, a smirk on his lips. "Didn't you say you only had one rule?" This threw me off. Smartass? It was innocent, I could tell, but a joker. Hadn't had one of those in a while.

I laughed it off. "Well, I only do for your first day. There are only a few rules to AA, but they're pretty much common sense."

He stood then, towering me once again. "Can you tell me anyway? I don't want to fuck this up." We then began walking back towards the cars. When I walked toward mine, he followed. It was dark already, so I didn't mind. This was LA, after all.

"Well, the first is obvious, no drinking." I popped my driver door open and flung my bag in toward the passenger's side. He nodded at me and leaned against the rear door of my truck.

"Second, no coming in drunk. As obvious as that may seem, you would not believe how many people I've kicked out of the meeting for showing up mid-bender." He raised his eyebrows. "As much as I'd like to keep and eye on them, it's not good for the other members."

"No, for sure." His tone was even.

"And lastly," I then looked straight at him, so he knew how serious I was. "don't ever lie to me." I could see him straighten just a little, feeling the seriousness of what I was saying. "If you fell off, admit it. I'm not judging. I did, so many times. But if you lie, you're out." I then took a step closer, if only to make my point, "Because I always find out."

He kicked off from my truck, his body less than six inches from mine. He looked down at me, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes ma'am." I felt a twinge up the back of my spine. It was a little warm all of a sudden, and my mouth was dry. I stepped back, and was able to regain my brain.

I smiled brightly at him and swung myself up into my truck. Before I slid my legs in, I looked at him, now almost at eye-level.

"Great! I'll see you Thursday, then!"

[shadowhearts-wife]

Delicate

Gortash X fem!tav

Summary: There was no reason for a man such as Lord Enver Gortash to always have three of his fingers free of his very elaborate and unpractical jewelry at all times—except one…

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 1,149

Tags: F/M, Baldur's Gate (Video Games), Enver Gortash/Tav, Enver Gortash/Original Female Character(s), Enver Gortash, Tav (Baldur's Gate), Original Female Character(s), Ilana Delphi (Baldur’s Gate 3 Original Character), Gortash has exactly three fingers that don’t have rings, His middle finger, His pointer finger, And his thumb, I can see him, Ok sorry time for the smut tags I hate this part I’m sorry, Vaginal Fingering, Smuti, dk what else, gort - Freeform, Semi-Public Sex

A/N: Too many Gortash screenshots appeared on my timeline today, especially good ones of his hands my god.

AO3 version can be found here!

There was no reason for a man such as Lord Enver Gortash to always have three of his fingers free of his very elaborate and unpractical jewelry at all times—except one very important reason to be discovered on this afternoon as his body pressed closely to Ilana’s as he held her against one of the back walls of a desolate hallway in Wyrm’s Rock Fortesss.

They weren’t a proper couple at all, and surely weren’t planning on becoming one, not now and not ever. To Ilana, Gortash was just a guy who seemed lonely enough to need something casual in his life, and it would be safe to assume Gortash thought similar of her. Especially here as their lips were lustfully meeting, Ilana rocking her hips in a very needy way into his in desperate search of friction all while Gortash used his right hand to pin her arms above her head.

Gortash groaned into her lips as he felt the contact from the half-elf’s needy movements, she was brushing against him in all the right spots to drive him mad. It was risky enough of them to be using a back hall for such activities—despite the risk being all part of the fun—he couldn’t imagine it if they began to strip down out of their clothes and go at it while someone were to walk by at such a quiet hour. No one typically came back this way until later in the evening, but you never knew. He had something of a reputation to uphold.

He finally broke back from the kiss, hissing softly as she gave another push of her hips into his. “You’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” his voice was raspy as he shifted his body away from hers.

Ilana whined softly at the loss of his warmth, her hands still above her head so she didn’t bother moving from the wall. “Maybe I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t shoved me against a wall and teased me first.” She looked at him, her golden eyes studying the way his breathing was unsteady and the way his perfectly unlaced shirt gave her such a good view of his chest.

“Maybe I just like seeing those desperate looks you give me…” Gortash’s free hand that had been placed on her waist began to travel, running over her side and over across her stomach. “Just like that one you have right now… am I allowed to continue?” He was sure to ask, not wanting to make any further advances without explicitly permission.

Nodding quickly as her breath caught her in throat, Gortash’s hand stopped right over the waistband of her pants. “Please… you can keep going, please…” her voice was low as she felt his hand travel under this band and into her pants.

His voice was nothing but seductive as he reached his hand between her legs, causing a gasp from Ilana as he brushed his two fingers free of jewelry at all time over one of the most sensitive spots on her body. He had never gone this route before—usually it was just quick, rough, but pleasurable sex in his office or the comforts of his… smaller than average bed. But this… this was heaven. “Do you like that, Ilana?”

Gortash had finally freed her hands from over her head so he could use his free arm to wrap around her and lean into Ilana, resting his face in the crook of her neck to leave kisses and soft nips at it before beginning to suck on her skin to leave a mark.

Ilana fought to keep her breaths steady as she nodded whenever his fingers ran over the right spot, earning the dark haired man a moan from her lips. She wrapped her own arms around him now, grasping to his jacket to have something to do with her hands as she felt pleasure shoot through her, almost like lightning.

Gortash didn’t let up for even a second, leaving mark after mark on her neck, tugging her shirt whatever way he needed to reach further down to her collar bone. His fingers continued moving, increasing from their delicate pace and focusing on the areas that got more of a reaction from her. It was when she began to tremble when Gortash decided he would take it to the next level and find an even better way to go about this as he moved his hand lower in order to insert his fingers into her.

Ilana slumped against him somewhat, not prepared for him to do that, but not opposed as he worked his fingers in and out, his thumb now working circles externally for even further pleasure. “E-Enver—gods—right there-“ she cried out into his ear, trying not to be too loud as she rocked her hips into his each and every touch. “Right there! Don’t stop!”

The sound of his first name coming out of her mouth like that was nothing but arousing to Gortash—for Bane’s sake, he wasn’t expecting to feel so proud of the way he was making Ilana feel, but he also didn’t expect to feel so turned on by her each and every word and movement.

As Ilana shuddered, closer and closer to approaching her climax, Gortash could feel his own needs throbbing between his legs. “The things you do to me…” he groaned, “I don’t know if I can go without your touch after this, gods-“

There was no response from Ilana as she felt the feeling in her abdomen, like she was about to burst with just a few more movements. She grasped onto his jacket for dear life and buried her head into his shoulder to drown out the cry as she rocked her hips further into his hand before her whole body shook and tensed, indicating her release.

Gortash didn’t stop moving his hand right away, just moving slower and slower to help her ride out her orgasm until he came to a stop and removed his hand from her, giving her time to breathe.

“How was that?” Gortash asked with a smirk, knowing just how much Ilana enjoyed that. And in all honesty… he enjoyed it too. He hadn’t put that much care into sex since… her. Another woman he dedicated his life to years prior.

“Gods above… you actually know how to pleasure a woman.” Ilana stood a bit taller, her breath steadying as she looked at him. Sometimes she wondered how she would ever be able to say goodbye to this once their little “partnership” came to an end and all of the Netherstones were found… but not given to him.

But right now, as he left her with a flushed face and shaking legs, that was the least of her worries. The first thing on her mind was getting her strength back for round two.

[redbullcateringfiction]

Chapter 8 -

Cantata

Arabella is the executive assistant for Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff. 10 years into her career, it looks like the tide is changing, and she's beginning to question her relationship with him. Is it something more, or nothing but an idea lingering in her head?

F/M, Fluff, Boss/Employee Relationship, Romance, Pining, Love, Slow Burn

Eight chapter below the cut or click here for AO3

Click here for the previous chapter on Tumblr, and click here for a list of all chapters

(Total: 34872 words thus far)

Where I wander: An opinion by the ‘bitch’

Thursday, March 12th, 2021 6:20 GMT

Author: Arabella Lazaar

Edited by: Jeffrey Martens and Shane Coughlan 

Editor’s note, March 12th, 2021: Arabella Lazaar is the former partner of Irish rock band Four Odd Bottles singer Cathal Lynch. Their 3 year relationship was not public knowledge until October 13th, 2019. 

If I were to recall every moment during our relationship, I would not question where I went wrong. 

Formula 1 is filled with huge personalities and names. There’s no doubt many fans could tell you how they imagine their favorite drivers’ to be, and I can assure you they would be 90% correct. Being in Formula 1 requires being surrounded by glass walls at all times. Your most intimate self is constantly on display. This was something I never enjoyed. Afterall, I suffer from agoraphobia. Seeing into the distance, and seeing the crowds of people is terrifying. I have forced myself to be in these situations. In God’s name, why?

I’ve always loved formula racing, but I never thought I could be an integral part of it. I never had the skills nor talent to be a driver or engineer. I, however, think I have quite the head on my shoulders. Micromanaging people and information became second nature to me. It’s a natural skill that one develops when their anxiety tells them to avoid everyone and everything. So, I saw an opportunity in Formula 1, and put my effort into joining a team. I set aside every fear I have to put my brilliance on the table instead. 

During that process, I learned that if I am constantly moving (as it is a job requirement), and hiding behind those big personalities, those glass walls become a comfort. I could be entirely isolated while surrounded by people, because no one cared about me, really. I could also be socializing with some of my favorite people. Above all else, I serve as an important cog in the well-oiled machine that is Mercedes-AMG. It was the dream I sought out. 

In 2016, I came upon Cathal Lynch, and our romance began to bud. Nothing new. Just another person to hide behind so I could continue to value my loneliness. This is the moment where I went wrong. Cathal had been correct from the beginning: There was no way to keep our relationship secret forever. We had two incredibly different opinions on this. I believed it could be managed for a long time. Until a wedding, at least. Cathal waited just days before asking if he could reveal me to the public. This became a constant item of discussion. In the meantime, every song Cathal released was a reflection of our relationship. The trips to Morocco to visit my extended family, our house in Brackley covered with his white cat’s hair, and of course, my career. Every time a song was written, and released, I would panic. It was all pieces of information that would lead people to me. The glass walls started to show their cracks. 

Then, in 2019, they finally crumbled. I was now a microcelebrity. Yes, I had spoken to a few Formula 1 magazines, but my Instagram had never been on television. This was an entirely new world for me. Cathal did not help me navigate this new world. The strain on our relationship was too large, and Cathal moved out of my home in Brackley just a week before the COVID-19 pandemic hit. This was 2 years ago now. With the collapse of the life I knew, I tried to embrace the disaster. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but when I looked around, all I saw was the shambles. 

Wherever I turned though, Cathal was there. 

And so I wonder, where can I wander? Cathal follows me everywhere. My job is micromanagement, and Cathal’s seems to be micromanaging me. Every song seems to center around some sort of belief I was using him. I will not apologize for something I did not do though. 1 break up album is understandable. 2 break up albums is uncomfortable. 2 albums and 5 singles is a deliberate assault on a person’s life. I don’t know how he walked away from this so hurt, and I would like to apologize. I would also like to never see him again. 

Perhaps, that is what makes me a bitch to him. I am a bitch (as it is a job requirement). I will accept that. I have developed a hardened exterior in no small part due to the previously described situations. I will not accept the assertion that I was nothing more than a woman seeking out fame. I easily could’ve found it in my own job. I chose not to. 

I cannot continue to maintain my isolation though, that much is clear. Cathal hasn’t left me alone for 2 years. An essay won’t stop gossip and an army of fans to spread it. This latest incident is proof by itself. Even had the song not been clearly targeted at me, enough speculation would have led people to believe it was. So, I believe I should address at least one other item:

I choose to own the label of bitch, but no woman should have to make that decision because a man decided to label her as one. In the interest of fairness however, I believe Cathal Lynch should accept the label of ‘misogynist.’ 

As written through correspondence with Arabella Lazaar and Jeffrey Martens. Arabella Lazaar is currently the personal assistant to Mercedes-AMG team principal Torger “Toto” Wolff. Jeffrey Martens is her legal counsel and acquaintance. 

Comments on this piece are unavailable.

~

“Black screens are going up,” I heard over the headset, and immediately took it off. Nothing was going to be happening for a moment.

“Fucking hell,” Toto sighed. “Gearbox issue, we’re not even on the road.” He looked over at me, and I saw a smile creep over his face.

“Let me show you what Bono sent me,” He smirked, raising his eyebrows. He handed over his phone and I saw a tweet.

PopCrave 

Cathal Lynch temporarily banned from Formula 1 races after releasing “Bitch,” and showing up to his ex-girlfriend’s job. Video below.

I looked at the video thumbnail. There he was in his stupid Red Bull shirt, but his hair looked different. He had clearly cut it, and his eyes looked tired. He no longer had the shaggy, boyish look he had when we broke up. Instead, he looked like a real celebrity. I clicked on the video and listened closely.

Cathal was leaving the paddock, and a bunch of media had already surrounded him. “Cathal, Cathal. Why are you leaving the paddock today?” One called out. He stopped and spoke into the camera, as I knew he couldn’t resist. 

“I was apparently ‘banned’ due to some violation. I don’t know what. My team is on it. It’s absurd. I bought my ticket. The song was planned to be released months ago. I apologize though to all the fans who might’ve expected to see me here,” He groaned out an obviously prepared reply. He knew why he had been banned. No way he couldn’t. 

“Cathal, did you see Ariana Lazaar’s response?” Another reporter called out.

“Huh?” He asked walking towards them.

“Did you see Ariana Lazaar’s response?” 

“Arabella? You mean Arabella? And no, what response? She hasn’t said anything,” Cathal answered.

“10 minutes ago on the Guardian,” The reporter explained.

“What? What’d she say?” Cathal asked.

“She called you a misogynist,” He responded. I could see the gears in Cathal’s head turn. “Mr. Lynch, do you have a response? Cathal, do you have a response?”

“That bitch.”

I could hear a collective ‘whoa’ come from the crowd of reporters as Cathal flipped his sunglasses down. The reporters chased him down as he climbed into his car and drove off. I looked up at Toto, and immediately laughed when I saw his huge smirk on his face. 

“Nice response, by the way. PR is absolutely in love,” Toto explained. 

“I…I appreciate that,” I smiled.

“I’m so very serious. I think he just ruined his own career, and you get to keep that pretty smile on your face,” Toto said, before suddenly looking around. “Where’s Netflix?”

“Not here,” I shrugged. 

“They’re not going to put this in, right? No point, right?” He asked. “It’d be weird.”

“If they do, they’re not interviewing me,” I nodded. 

“Where’s Susie? Do you know?” 

“Uh…not sure actually.”

“Let me text her. Keep your ears open on the headset, will you?” Toto asked, stepping away from the computers.

“Will do,” I nodded, putting the headset back on. It was a series of chaotic conversations between engineers as everyone desperately tried to understand the electrical failure occurring in one of the cars. Less time on the road is less time to practice, and suddenly everyone was moving, calling, chatting, arguing, and complaining. If I took the headset off though, I would find it to be entirely silent. Maybe a door would creak open every now and then followed by pounding footsteps, but otherwise, it could be eerie during a time like this. The only time you’d find this room silent otherwise would be the delayed breaths as we all sat waiting to hear a driver was okay after a crash. 

This was not silent out of fear though, it was silent because a good chunk of the engineers had run off to settle things on the car directly. The others were too busy staring at analytics on their computers. I recall one time when an assistant from Red Bull learned that I sit in the paddock and listen to things on the headset. I told him quite simply that when Toto isn’t here, I’m his boots on the ground for all things administrative. When Toto is here, I’m still his boots on the ground as he literally flies around taking care of everything else. He should have to worry the least about resource management and being sure he’s kept up on everything. I can handle the rest.

Suddenly, I felt a tiny tap on my leg, and looked over to my left and saw Jack.

“Oh, hey, Jack!” I smiled. I saw Susie was standing right behind me, as Toto ran off to handle something. “And Susie.”

“He saw you from across the room and went straight to practically begging to see you,” Susie grinned.

“Yeah? You missed me?” I asked, picking him up and putting him on my lap. “Here, let’s get you a headset. You might be able to hear your dad.”

I grabbed a pair that was too big and nearly falling off his ears. I held it with my hand as he grabbed on to either ear so he could hear.

“Y’know, Toto’s pissed about the car. I think he needed to see Jack to remind himself he can’t break any necks,” Susie nearly whispered. 

“An electrical failure this soon is not exactly a ringing endorsement for the season,” I complained. 

“Yeah and Red Bull is on our ass.”

“Gotta focus on our car first,” I shrugged.

“Hey, I was thinking. It’s been so long since we caught up. Did you want to grab a tea or something when you get a break from the action?” Susie offered. 

“Uh…yeah, yeah. Of course,” I smiled. In a bit of a sad way, one of my only female friends is my boss’s ex-wife. At least they’re best friends, and at least she is just lovely. To be clear, I would choose to have more female friends. It just happens that I work in a female dominated field in a boys’ club. All of my colleagues who I find myself trying to impress and work against, are women. All of my colleagues who I have to work with and build a strong relationship with happen to be men. Except, really, Susie. Maybe a few others here and there, but our relationships just don’t mesh. 

“Too busy?” She asked.

“No, no. I’ll make time. I’ll text you,” I explained. Jack gently pulled the headset off his ears. 

“Bored,” He shrugged.

“That was quick,” I smiled at him. “Well what do you want to do?” 

He shrugged again. 

“Do you wanna watch me mess with…my calendar?” I asked. He nodded, much to my surprise.

“Oh! Alright then,” I responded, and went to my calendar on the computer in front of me. Susie chuckled and sat in the chair next to us. I kept one ear on the headset, the other on Jack and Susie, my eyes on the calendar, one arm around Jack’s back with my cellphone in my hand as I shot off text messages, and the other hand on the computer mouse. This type of multitasking is something they try to train into you during your training. I had been lucky enough to become particularly well versed in it at a young age, helping my parents manage the hotel. Little things here and there. Grabbing the phone while they showed someone around, or playing concierge for the guests. Then, when I came back while getting my training, I actually got the title. The idea of a tiny hotel in Ameland having a concierge was cute enough to bring guests. I mean, the island doesn’t have much, so all I really did was help them manage a little bit of travel to and fro, and tell them where to catch the best views. People still appreciated it…I think.

~

“Isn’t it nice to have the family back together?” My father asked. 

“Yeah, pay no mind to the fact that Chadi has ran off to the nearest bar,” Nour laughed.

“Why is Chadi even here?” Farah asked. “He never shows up. Of course, Arabella offers a ticket to Formula 1 and he decides to show up.”

“I mean, at least he’s here,” I groaned.

“Thank you, Arabella,” My mother nodded.

“Besides, I give you guys tickets all the time. It’s not like this was the only time and Chadi used me or something.”

“Yeah, because Chadi would never do that,” Farah laughed.

“What are you talking about, Farah? Do you suddenly know him better than the rest of us?” Nour asked, leaning in. 

“No, but I know our parents better than the rest of you.”

“Oh, listen to the favorite babble on,” Chadi slurred, suddenly appearing at the table. He pulled out the chair directly next to Farah, and smirked.

“Sorry, I tried to tell him to go back to his hotel since he’s drunk but he wouldn’t have it,” Mehdi spoke from the doorway. As the newest addition to the family, why did anyone allow him to play bouncer? 

“Why are you still here?” Chadi asked. 

“Well, I am married to Nour. I know you missed the wedding, but what? Are you such a drunk you can’t remember that?”

“Shut the fuck up, with all due respect, Mehdi,” Nour groaned. “It’s not your job to keep anyone in or out of the family despite what Farah may have told you.”

“Everyone, shut up!” My father shouted. “Chadi, we love you. but you can’t show up drunk and argue with your sister.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did everyone miss what she said about me?”

“No we heard it,” I complained, rubbing my temple. 

“Then you should say to your favorite daughter to keep her mouth shut sometimes!” Chadi shouted at our parents.

“Favorites? We don’t play favorites,” Our mom spoke, softly. 

“Raise your hand if you went to boarding school,” Chadi smirked. Nour and I raised our hands with Chadi.

“The favorite child gets the stellar education of Burgemeester Waldaschool? Meanwhile, the only one of us who is rich went to Saint-Denis and played squash because she was anxious.”

“Only one of us? I’m sorry, are you in my pocketbook, Farah?” Nour asked. “Your husband is a brain surgeon, fuckhead.”

“Watch your mouth,” My father warned.

“Stop fucking critiquing us and get on this one,” Nour answered, pointing at Farah.

“Farah, be nice,” My mother sighed.

“Be nice? That’s it?” Nour asked. “C’mon, you’ve got something better than that in there/”

“Leave mom alone, Nour,” Farah argued. “She hasn’t done anything.”

“Actually, our parents have done everything,” Chadi slurred. “When you think about it.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about, you fucking drunk?” Farah interrogated.

“I think what Chadi is saying-” Nour began.

“I can speak for myself, fuckhead,” Chadi interrupted. “They chose you to be the favorite, me to be the prodigal son that has yet to return, and Nour to be the envious older brother. And Arabella to be the anxious one who sits there twisting her fucking hair and not saying shit.”

I slowly took my hands out of my hair. I mean, yeah, he was right.

“Why are you mad at Arabella? She is literally just sitting there,” Nour asked.

“Because she’s literally just sitting there. She’s not saying anything of value and just watching this thing go down,” Farah groaned. Farah turned to me, eyebrow raised, and hair falling out of her bun. Chadi turned to me, with his body clearly wanting to slump over. Then Nour, the most cleancut one at the table, turned to me with a slightly crazed look in his eyes, like he smelled blood and was ready to go after it. Then my parents. My mother and father both turned to me, instead of speaking up and trying to solve this problem. 

“Listen, everyone needs to shut up. I brought you all here. You didn’t have to come, any of you. You chose to. Farah, just accept the fact that you’re the favorite. Our parents can barely admit it because it’s true. I’m sure you went through shit too though, I guess. Chadi, you’re drunk. Go back to the hotel, and just fucking sleep it off. And Nour, stop just fueling drama because you want to see the family blow up. And mom, and dad. At least realize that Farah is your favorite. Maybe if you admitted it, all of us would calm down or something. And I will keep playing negotiator since that’s all you guys want from me. But everyone, otherwise, shut the fuck up. Actually, y’know what. I don’t care. I’m leaving,” I complained. I stood up and left the table. No one came after me. Why would they? They were probably too self-absorbed to have even heard what I said.

~

“We’ve had Bottas on the road for 5 or so laps right now. We don’t have a lot of time left in the morning session,” Someone called from the radio. 

“How many laps can we get in?” Toto asked.

“Maybe 10? 15 total?” A response rang out.

“We’ll take it. It’s day one, he needs to be on the road,” Toto groaned. Toto turned to me and rolled his eyes. “Well, at least he’ll have those. He’s going to absolutely have my ass later.”

“He’ll learn to live with it,” I shrugged. 

“It would be better for him to learn to live with Max and Charles.”

“Speaking of Charles,” I gestured towards the screens. “Car’s down.”

“Well…and there it goes. Red flag. Alright…6 laps from Bottas?” Toto shrugged. “Pfft. This is just uber good, yeah?”

“I’m going for lunch in a few,” I sighed, taking off the headset.

“You’re going to be in the garage for the afternoon session then?” Toto asked, tapping my shoulder so I could turn around to face him. 

“Nope, my weekend is in the motorhome.”

Toto raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back, but I’m talking shit with Bono when I get back,” I sighed. Bono looked up from his place to the left of Toto and raised an eyebrow.

“Who are we talking shit about?” He asked, putting down his papers. 

“Toto,” I whispered.

“Alright, you two,” Toto chuckled. “But before you go, Arabella. Give me something to distract myself for a moment. What do you want for your anniversary?”

“A pen would actually be nice,” I sighed, taking out my phone and scrolling. 

“Still on about a pen. Anything else?” Toto groaned.

“There are good pens, Toto,” Bono nodded. I suddenly realized I had way too many notifications for me to continue comfortably looking at my phone. Even if just to make myself look busy.

“A fountain pen?” Toto asked.

“Oh, I would never use a fountain pen,” I sighed.

Toto threw his hands up. “Then what good of a gift is it?”

“I mean, she writes a lot,” Bono shrugged.

“She writes a lot. No worries, Arabella. I’ll make sure you get a pen. It will be the best gift you’ve ever gotten," he winked. For a moment, for that moment, everything was about what he had just said. Of course, our relationship is professional. At best, friendly. However, it would be irresponsible for me not to admit though that a part of my cold exterior could be melted away by the simple gesture of someone wanting to do something nice for me. Was that just part of my seemingly growing crush on him? I don’t think it matters. What it really says though is how desperate I am for someone to care about me. 

“You see how her eyes just lit up? I think she really does want a pen,” Bono laughed. 

“Maybe,” I cringed at myself. I could just imagine my doe eyed look for a few seconds. Toto just smirked though, implying that at the least, he didn’t notice the ‘desperate’ part of my expression. 

~

“Yeah, uh…do you have a recommendation?” The security guard sighed, looking me up and down. 

“Yeah, uh…Lewis Hamilton?” I mocked.

“The attitude is not cute on you,” He responded, looking through the list. “Well, just because you’re on the list, doesn’t mean you get to come in.”

“Then what’s the point of your list?” I groaned. 

“Do you think you’re Grace Kelly?”

“Do you think you’re the secret service?”

“I am,” He sighed, quickly flashing his ID. Oh…

“Alright, Schatzi,” I heard from behind me, as an arm wrapped around my shoulders. “I thought you’d already be on this boat, huh?”

“Yeah, I did too, Toto,” I sighed, looking at him. First kiss, second kiss. Just a brief touch on each cheek. The security guard looked at me in the eyes, and then back at Toto, before stepping aside to let us in. Toto let go of me, slipping into the crowd, as I began to follow him. Right before I did though, the security guard grabbed my arm.

“Now I have to know…who are you?” He asked.

“His assistant,” I shrugged. The security guard watched as I slipped into the crowd, but not quite disappearing before I blew a raspberry at him. I’m childish…but who cares at this particular moment. I’m on a billionaire’s super yacht, at the request of the best F1 driver in the world and another billionaire, and within my sight right now is Prince Albert. I took my fingers through my hair. I straightened it for the first time in a very long time. I stepped further into the party. It's hard to feel comfortable when surrounded by people like this, but nevertheless, I couldn’t help but savor the moment a little bit.

My anxiety was creeping up though. I could feel it. I quickly moved towards one of the servers and grabbed a glass of champagne, and chugged it. I grabbed another before they even moved away. I refuse to not enjoy myself, no matter how much alcohol it takes. The good thing about being unrecognizable is that no one is really desperate to talk to me. So, I can float through the party like a ghost…wait…why did I come then?

“Hey, Arabella!” I heard from deep in the crowd in front of me. The British accent and ability to remain soft spoken while yelling was impossible not to recognize. I pushed through the crowd, following the hand waving to me.

“Oh, hey!” I smiled. Lewis gave me a nod, and smiled. 

“I swore to God, I saw your boyfriend floating around here,” Lewis said, looking around.

“Are you sure it wasn’t Lewis Capaldi?” I asked.

“Oh, you know…it might’ve been. They do look alike, don’t they?” He sighed. “Is Cathal here?”

“In Monaco? Yeah. Here at the party? Likely not. We try to split up our engagements. Avoiding speculation and all that.”

“Ah, yeah. Not fun dating celebrities, is it?”.

“I mean…it’s great,” I smiled.

“You don’t have to lie,” Lewis laughed. “But, I’m glad you could come. Sometimes these parties feel a little…weird. It’s like 20 year olds and 50 year olds. Nothing in between. Except us, I guess.”

“Yeah, it's definitely interesting. But this isn’t my first party in Monaco…maybe the most elite one I’ve been to though,” I cringed, looking around.

“Oh, one thing I did want to mention. I am having a less elitist party tomorrow. Less princes, more fun. Bring your swimsuit, bring Cathal, it’ll be great. Less intense at least. I’ll text you the details.”

“Cathal? I don’t know…I…”

“Don’t worry. We know discretion. Despite what it may seem like, there are ways to keep things quiet. Promise,” Lewis winked.

“Thanks,” I smiled. I took a deep breath and looked around the party from my position. “I’m…going to go mingle. I’ll catch up with you when I see you.”

“Got it. See you tomorrow,” Lewis smiled.

I stepped in the direction of the exit. I appreciated Lewis’s offer, and maybe I would go tomorrow. Today though, I just am not sure if this is the environment for me. I can’t say I find this to be particularly comfortable. I’m not famous, and I don’t want to be. I barely got let in the door. I shouldn’t be here. I just shouldn’t-

“Are you leaving already, Arabella?” I heard Toto behind me. 

“Oh…yeah,” I answered, turning around.

“Well, before you go, at least let me introduce you to some people. I was just telling everyone about my amazing assistant, and they were just saying how they have to put a face to the name.”

I walked directly to the right of Toto, and waved to the group of men he was talking to. 2 hours later, I was still on the boat. Sure, I didn’t belong with the celebrities, but maybe that’s not my niche in places like this. But I can definitely play assistant in places like this. And I kind of love it. Sharing stories of messy conversations and quadruple bookings, all while showcasing how damn good I am at managing it? It gets no better.

Tag list: @daddyslittlevillain, @littleheaven

[venusiancarbondioxide]

some notes on fun

this is perhaps one of the more stupid things i've ever written in my life, but i feel like it might be important to make some notes on having fun because god forbid, another human being may run into these issues, and i'd like to give them a hand. in fact, i suspect most of them have, but i'm running into them later than most. i'm 25 years old and trying to figure out the concept of having fun in a way that i'm sure most people have figured out by age 10. but hey, better late than never, right?

some background: for most of my life, i've been an achievement-focused planner, all the way back to elementary school. i was the type of kid who would get a 93% on a test and then get mad at myself because i could've gotten a 100%. i really cared about doing well on standardized testing as a third grader. it was essential to me that i do well in those early school years so that i would get into the right classes in high school, and thus get into the right college and complete the right program to have a Good Career That Makes Me Happy, the kind of career where it's more of a thing that you are versus a job that you have. i was convinced that having the right career as a grown-up made you a happy person, and nobody in my life took any efforts to dissuade me of this notion. 

there were stumbles (thinking i wanted to be a professional novelist, that flopping because of the prospects of writers in the modern day, wanting be a lawyer, that flopping bc of my waning faith in the justice system, my brief forays into considering grad school, etc.), but even when i didn't have a plan, i was always Making A Plan. and having fun was allowed. i did things that were fun along the way! i was in girl scouts and irish tap and marching band and had a small group of friends and all of that. but the most important thing was always sticking to the plan. in my defense, there is a lot of societal messaging that says that this kind of career-and-education-focused life is the path to happiness and i was only a kid, so i don't blame myself for getting stuck in that trap. if you believe in astrology, blame it on the fact that my sun's in virgo, i guess. however, i owe it to myself to try and get out of it, especially now that i'm at a point in my life where all plans are gone.

like, really. i have no long-term plan for what the hell i’m doing. my last two "this is where i'm going with my life from now on" plans went up in smoke, most recently another attempt to go back to school. and i was in the process of trying to make another plan, my third "this is where my life is going for sure" plan in two years, when i realized i straight up don’t know what i want to do. i don’t know of anything that sounds enjoyable to me, honest-to-god. and i finally thought to myself, “what if i just have fun? what if my plan is to just have fun?” 

within reason, of course: i’m not going to quit my job with no backup plan just because my job isn’t fun. going to work is a bummer, but you know what’s worse? being evicted. i pick the least-evil of the two unfun evils. but really, what if my only plan was just to have fun? 

i threw that thought at my therapist thinking that she would say something like "having fun is important but it shouldn't be the main thing you focus on in your life" but she was like "yeah no, i think you should just try to have fun for a bit. i think you've been so focused on plans that you're not even sure what you think is fun anymore."

which, ouch, but she's not wrong. ii would not use the word "fun" to describe my current life, nor would i have used "fun" at any point in my life. fun was a thing you had on occasion when you had behaved well and earned it, not a thing your life could be.

but i want my life to be fun! so far, it hasn't, and i think that sucks. what’s the point of being alive if i’m not having fun? and the reasons i’m banned from trying to kill myself are too long to list, so i might as well try to enjoy my life. i am actively attempting fun and imparting the first lesson of fun i learned onto the uhhhhhh three people that have read all of this so far. 

if you have too much fun, it circles back around to not being fun anymore.

as a person who's had alcohol before in their life, you think i might have already known that one. to some extent, i did. too much drinking results in a hangover, too much fun running around the city makes your feet hurt, etc. a physical body has its limits. i have more than one chronic illness—i know that! but it also emotionally makes you feel like shit, which i didn't know. i was familiar with post-fun fatigue, but it was either a) physical exhaustion but mental satisfaction or b) a situation where something had gone wrong in the fun-having process. but now i have Learned. 

the way i learned this was exceedingly simple: i played stardew valley for 11 hours out of a 24-hour period. 

at the beginning of active fun-seeking (literally like, last week), i rediscovered the joy of stardew valley. i’ve always had fun playing stardew valley! so i played some after work when i would normally doomscroll and hey, much better. much more enjoyable. Having Fun, having a more fun day because i am actively taking time to do a thing i think is fun. but then i had a bad day at work on friday, came home, and played stardew valley for about five hours straight. i only realized how much time had passed once my ass physically started to hurt from sitting in the same spot for so long. and it was already close to midnight, so i had a late dinner and went to bed. 

the next day, i woke up at 7:30am and was annoyed that i had woken up so early, so i decided to play some more stardew valley about it. i stopped six hours later. i skipped breakfast and lunch in this process. my eyes were burning like a motherfucker. my ass hurt again, not to mention my wrist. i had a headache so bad that i had to take a four-hour nap (this was also partially due to the weather—my head always hurts when it rains). and emotionally? i felt somewhere between entirely empty and vaguely ashamed. nothing at all like my little post-work stardew sessions. i was so focused on the fun of the game that i had neglected food, consistent water intake, and basic cleanliness (i forwent a shower), and surprise, surprise, it turns out that makes you feel emotionally kind of shitty. getting that wrapped up in the fun circles back around to not being fun anymore. 

i assume all activities have a similar wall. the fun has to stop for basic things like food, water, showering, that pile of laundry i have to do, the dishes, all of that. doing a fun activity when you’re parched from not drinking any water for six hours and you have the dry mouth disease actually isn’t that fun. the same goes for if your hair feels slimy and your wrist kind of hurts and really any of that kind of discomfort. stop what you’re doing, do the minimum self-care stuff, and then you can go back to having fun if you want. 

so now i have a stardew valley limit: no more than three in-game days in a row, and i’m experimenting with no more than five in-game days per regular day total. that would be a little over an hour of stardew valley per day, which is around what my post-work stardew sessions were anyways. it turns out that a small part of me had it right from the start; good for her! hopefully i’ll get lucky and her accidental wisdom will strike again. 

[dancedance-miserable]

to add on about patrick being groomed. i always think about how he was lowkey made to be pete’s perfect victim. Like You are a 16 year old who’s shy, insecure about your body, and overall just down on yourself. Here comes this 22 year old who’s literally the complete opposite, he’s THE scene boy of chicago and he calls you his golden boy. You are this precious gift to him that will give him life. You feel like you are the most special thing to him, he treats you like shit but showers you with these beautiful words, these gifts and affection you don’t even want. But like you crave that affection, an affection you wouldn’t get from anyone else. He starts to force himself to be the most important thing to you, you are his messenger, you are his way out, his best friend. You even try to find a bit of action with the confidence being in a band has given you but he runs in and ruins it. Refusing to let anyone else have you!!!!! you have been built to be his little victim since day 1!!!!! oh my god my precious groomed patrick….

YOUR MINDDDDD!!! it's this whole contradiction of you are everything but only mine. You are the world but only to me. You are the sun and I am just the planets. Only I'm the planets. No one else. You were made to save me.

And he was never even subtle about it. Wasn't normal at first and came onto him. They were at each others throats from day one and Patrick was too naive to see that and run.

Listen even if it's not delusional p2 dead dove here. Pete's track record is.... telling. You don't have to be an rpfer to see the themes in his lj posts. You don't need a red string of fate to see the most textbook case of grooming victim to ever exist. And Pete got away with it!!! He fucking pulled it off!! Patrick is his forever! They are two halves of one frontman! They are half-doomed and semisweet! Patrick is composing but not composed! Singing the symphonies of the overdosed! When they swim they swim together! What the fuck ever!!!!

[princess-lvcifer]

i told you so

samoth/ihsahn • 1K • hurt/comfort

summary: Tomas and Ihsahn have an important conversation before going to prison.

A/N: This is similar to my previous Samoth x F!Reader and Ihsahn x F!Reader drabble and is going to be similar to my next Ihsahn x Faust drabble because I love exploring the angst of a loved one going far away for months and years. I wrote the first paragraphs and I thought "Wait this could be also yaoi... What should I write...? Fuck it I'll write every version I have in mind."

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

He was always aware of the things his band members and other friends were doing, he didn't agree and didn't want to participate, but he kept quiet and just like them thought they would never get caught, but Varg ruined everyone's party. Øystein's murder at the hands of Varg the year before culminated the fun in the Norwegian black metal scene.

The months between then and now had been very hard, with all his band members and other friends being questioned and judged, including himself. The police, quite rightly, started a witch hunt and unfortunately his best friend and boyfriend had ashes on his hands. The relationship became strained and cold, now they were the ones who needed the fire instead of the churches. He didn't want to tell him "I told you so", but he told him.

Vegard had a year to psyche himself up, and yet he was still hurt and furious that absolutely every member of his band was going to prison for church burning, robbery, possession of explosives, grave desecration, extreme knife violence and even murder. He was furious with all of them for what they had done, and although he knew they deserved it, he was also angry with justice — he didn't want to be left alone, he didn't want any more change.

The one who kept him most awake at night was Tomas, no doubt about it. His crimes were no big deal compared to the rest of them, and luckily he had only been sentenced to sixteen months, but at the same time it seemed like an eternity. He was his best friend and secret boyfriend, he loved him madly and although they could still communicate by letter and maybe even talk on the phone and visit him, it wouldn't be the same. They would spend a long time apart, and their future and the future of the band was uncertain.

He tried to console himself by saying that he had lived most of his life without him and that he could live without him for a little more than a year and if necessary for the rest of his life, but he didn't want to because he started to live with him always by his side. He couldn't imagine his life without him. Everyone was replaceable in everything, except Tomas.

There were still a few days left before the future prisoners would enter prison, and before that they would go to their parents' house to spend their last days of freedom with their families. Tomorrow they would pack their bags and leave, and he wouldn't see them again until God knows when.

A knock on his bedroom door caught his attention, snapping him out of his thoughts. It could be any one of them, though the only one he saw knocking on his door at night, and more so that night, was him.

"Come in," he said and the door opened. No light came in when he opened it, the light in the corridor was out, as was the light in his room. He could barely see who it was, but his silhouette was enough to tell him apart.

"Can I lie down, please?" Tomas asked in a whisper as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yes," he replied moving to the wall, trapping himself between it and him.

They were silent for a few long seconds, staring at the dark ceiling and rubbing their little fingers together. Tomas wanted to cuddle with him, but didn't even dare ask permission to do so. He already felt he'd done too much by asking if he could lie beside him, and was surprised that he agreed. He only dared to turn his neck a little to his left and open his mouth slightly, unsure of what to say.

"...I'm going to miss you," he dared to say, being sincere but also manipulative to hear what he wanted to come out of Vegard's mouth: an "And I miss you", a token of affection. And luckily he got it, though it didn't sound too sad, but tired in many ways. After a pause, thinking about what to say again, he opened his mouth again to ask something he dreaded the answer to. "Do you... want us to break up?"

"Do you?" he said turning his neck slightly to the right.

"No no," he answered quickly, "I love you."

"Don't say it too loud, lest Bård kill us," he said sarcastically.

"What do you want?" he asked after a pause.

"I don't want you to leave, fuck," he replied annoyed. Tomas was touched by that answer, but it was of little use since he couldn't fulfil that wish no matter how much he wanted to.

"Yeah, me too... It's my fault we have to have this conversation, and I'm sorry. On the bright side... It's only sixteen months...?" he said, not sure that this positivism was going to work with Vegard.

"An eternity," he translated, and Tomas was again touched by the fact that his boyfriend considered it an eternity to go sixteen months without him.

"I know. But however long it takes, I'll wait for you if you want me to," he said daring to take his hand. "I know it's been hard months, but when I get out of prison I want to be by your side, in everything. Being your best friend, your boyfriend and your guitar player... I'll make it up to you, just.... Don't replace me," he begged, on the verge of tears.

"How could I? Fuck Tomas, you're irreplaceable," he said annoyed at the situation and at having to say something so obvious, although he was also touched that he was afraid that he would replace him in some way.

"Really?"

"What a question."

"Just say it, please."

"I love you," he said at last, calmer now. "I'd wait for you even if you were rotting away for years..." and he hated that, but so much love did he felt for him that it was true.

And though he couldn't see it because of the darkness of the room, Tomas smiled hugely like the love-struck boy he was. Happy with the direction the conversation had taken, he shifted his position, moving to his side and finally daring to snuggle up to him.

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

A/N: Sorry if something was weird expressed, English isn't my first language.

Crossposted on my AO3. 🇪🇸

[daniel-profeta]

top 10 songs of all time?

Changes everyday, but in no particular order some of my more consistent favorites are:

The front bottoms - Twin Sized Mattress

Car Seat headrest - Kimochi Warui *so many options here, but to pick one from this band...*

Tool - Lateralus

The Mountain Goats - Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton

Phoebe Bridgers - I Know the End

Elliott Smith - King's Crossing

AJJ - People II The Reckoning

At this point I started to think harder about the songs that have meant the most to me throughout my life and as I've gotten older. For example, I like a lot of Bright Eyes songs more than First day, but that song has had way more impact on me. I play it all the time, the lyrics are permanently imprinted in my mind, and to me it's one of the most beautiful and vulnerable love songs ever written. With that in mind more and more "important" songs started coming to mind.

8. Alex G - Forever 9. Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life 10. Johnny Hobo - New Mexico Song

Now I have ten, that was easy.

Except...

I remembered that one Demarco song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. Got to include that. How many times have I listened to the Glow pt 2 during the summer? How could I leave off something from Porcupine Tree, the band that I once considered my favorite band of all time? So I kept going, through names and bands that I collect like emotional trophies, not wanting to leave anything out. They all mean so much, it's honestly pathetic. I used to hyperfixate on things like Zelda and Star Wars, then I found this shit and my brain chemistry has been altered ever since.

11. Mac Demarco - Moonlight on the River 12. Mitski - Texas Reznikoff 13. The Microphones - I Want the Wind to Blow 14. Pigeon Pit - Nights like These 15. Radiohead - Exit Music 16. The Crane Wives - Never Love an Anchor

Funny how quickly a song can feel like home. That Crane Wives song technically shouldn't even be here, I only heard it for the first time a few weeks ago. Yet maybe listening to it 30 times since qualifies it for consideration. Phoebe Bridgers has a lyric in one of her songs about wishing she had written something instead of the original artist, but she can't cause they said it first. So instead she'll learn their song and sing until the feverish inspired feeling fades away in a voyeuristic catharsis.

I think about that line constantly. Also quickly want to mention here that I'm more of an album guy. I try to listen to full records to try an experience the full piece of art the creator made. So while no song off The Downward Spiral is on my list of favorite songs, that was and is one of the most impactful albums to me as a teenager.

17. Porcupine Tree - Arriving Somewhere but not Here 18. XTC - Dear God 19. Wilco _ I am trying to break your heart 20. NIN - Burn 21. Lucy Dacus - Night Shift 22. Haley Heynderickx - Oom Sha La La 23. Swans - New Mind

Swans was hard, because there were a few songs that meant a lot to me. But ultimately there wasn't one more visceral or frankly more evil sounding than New Mind. Love the themes, love the singing style, love the backing yells, love the industrial outro, love the faint organ, love everything about that damn song.

The list kept getting longer, and for each song I was writing a paragraph to explain my choice lol. After the first like 15 I decided to stop doing that for the sake of your eyes and for risk of sounding redundant. But a major thing I love about some of these songs are how inspirational they are. Twin Sized Mattress, Denton Metal Band, Story of an Artist, they all paint a picture of the type of person I want to be. The type of art I will always support. The thing I hope to one day inspire in other people.

When you punish a person for dreaming their dream don't expect them to thank or forgive you. The best ever death metal band out of Denton, will in time both outpace and outlive you.

Those words could honestly save someone's life, it's crazy.

24. A Perfect Circle - Three Libras 25. Deftones - Rosemary 26. Frank Ocean - Ivy 27. November Suite - The Tower 28. Daniel Johnston - Story of an Artist 29. Sloppy Jane - Jesus and Your Living Room Floor 30. Big Thief - Not 31. Tyler the Creator - Boredom 32. Duster - The Landing 33. The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning 34. The Voidz - Human Sadness 35 - 108. System of a Down - (every song) 109. Death Grips - Beware

Okay, threw these and now dozens more names are crowding my brain, and this incredibly pretentious post must come to an end. Long story short, I only have one song left to share, but each of these song has a very personal connection to me. Certain ones (like that tool song) actually changed the way I look at the world and helped me through dark periods of my life.

Many of them inspire me, some of them are just beautiful in a broken and real sorta way, and all of them feel human. The art represents something bigger than itself and the ambition knows no bounds. These songs changed my world for the better, and if you read this you are now obligated to listen to all of them.

I could ramble about music till the end of time:)

finally 110. 100 Gecs - Money Machine

[thisaintascenereviews]

10 Albums That Changed My Life: 2000s Emo Edition

For the past few days, I’ve been listening to an audiobook version of 2023’s Where Are Your Boys Tonight by Chris Payne, and the book chronicles the emo / pop-punk scene between 1999 and 2008. It’s about the rise and (unfortunate) fall of the genre’s mainstream success, but it metaphorically comes straight from the horse’s mouth. The book has interviews from loads of musicians and important folks from the “scene,” such as Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump, Geoff Rickley, Buddy Neilsen, Anthony Raneri, Hayley Williams, JT Woodruff, Chad Gilbert, Chris Carraba, Andrew MacMahon, and many others.

Because I’ve been listening to the book, I wanted to start a new series in which I talk about ten albums that changed my life, and I wanted to start with 00s pop-punk and emo. I was at the right age when emo broke into the mainstream, so a lot of the big bands at the time were like gods to me. Some of these albums aren’t necessarily some of my all time favorites, but I still love them. For all these episodes, I also wanted to include a “bonus pick,” where I include an album that’s a rather obvious pick, because it’s an album I love and talk about all the time. That way, I can talk about ten other albums that I may not have talk about as much.

The aim of this series is to highlight albums that are important to me, but these albums are in no particular order. I don’t rank these lists, because some of these albums aren’t necessarily more influential than another. Each one of these albums is important in some way, but I wanted to highlight them regardless.

Bonus Pick: Fall Out Boy - Infinity On High

For the first bonus pick, I wanted to start off with an obvious one. I’ve talked about Fall Out Boy’s third album, 2007’s Infinity On High quite a lot. This is the album that got me into music, and to make a long story short, I had listened to a few alternative albums beforehand, but I didn’t truly get into music until I heard that record. This isn’t the first album I picked up, but it was the most impacting one, because it truly blew my mind. This is still my favorite album, although it’s interchangeable with Michael Jackson’s Thriller, but this record really opened my eyes to how unique and awesome music can be, especially alternative, emo, and and pop-punk. I can say so much more about it, but this is the album that truly started it all for me. Little did I know that picking this album up at Target on the weekend of its release that it would change my life.

Fall Out Boy - Take This To Your Grave

I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with the first couple of Fall Out Boy records, especially 2003’s Take This To Your Grave. Back before I would just order stuff online, or download music on iTunes, I would only buy music through retail stores, like Target, Best Buy, and Walmart. I remember finding Take This To Your Grave at Walmart for $9 back in 2012, and while I was a huge fan of them, I didn’t know their early stuff too well, especially their debut. I picked it up, and I absolutely fell in love with it.

Take This To Your Grave is the record that introduced me to the early 00s pop-punk scene, and it was a scene that I only vaguely knew. I was a little too young for it, but hearing their debut was mindblowing. In retrospect, Take This To Your Grave is a hardcore album disguised as a pop-punk album, because it has the ethos and energy of a hardcore record, but the songwriting of a pop-punk album. As a kid in my late teens when I really sunk my teeth into it, and with the “defend pop-punk” movement being huge, this record (and many more like it) worked for me. The lyrics just spoke to me, but I’ve always been a sucker for Wentz’s lyricism.

Over time, however, my relationship with the album soured a bit, partially because my taste in music was becoming more removed from the current pop-punk scene (and reckoning with the fact that a lot of that scene was very misogynistic, including some lyrics on the first couple Fall Out Boy albums), so I wasn’t as into them, and I championed more of the later work, as well as some of the post-hiatus albums. It’s come full circle now, because I really love Take This To Your Grave, warts and all. This is a record made by kids that just loved hardcore and pop-punk, so if you look at it as anything more, it’s doing the record a disservice.

Paramore - Riot

My first experience with Paramore wasn’t with 2007’s Riot, but it was with 2005’s All We Know Is Falling. That was the first album I downloaded on iTunes, back when iTunes was just exploding, but I somehow lost the album (I think it was due to losing my first account, or my hard drive crashed, something like that). I listened to the album pretty soon after, but in between that, Riot was released. Riot is the album that blew Paramore up to the upper echelons of the emo and pop-punk scene, and for good reason. I’m pretty sure I got this album at Walmart, but this record was the soundtrack to the summer of 2007. It came out right before my freshman year of high school, so I played it a lot.

Between Hayley Williams’ vocals improving tenfold between the debut and Riot, their sound having more of a “mainstream” sound, and emo / pop-punk being at the crux of its popularity, this record came out at the right time. It was lightning in a bottle, but they were truly something special. This record has some of the best hooks and vocal performances of any band in that scene at this time, rivaling Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance (the scene’s two biggest bands at that time, arguably). This is just a monster of a record, and one of the most pivotal and important records from that time, and it’s cool to see people still talking about them all these years later. They just won the first Grammy earlier this year for their 2023 record, so it’s awesome to see that success pay off.

The Academy Is - Almost Here

One of the most underrated bands in the emo / pop-punk scene of the 00s is Chicago’s The Academy Is. These guys didn’t get their time in the spotlight, or at the very least, they skirted with fame at the same level as labelmates and friends in Fall Out Boy. It feels like highway robbery almost, because their sound was just as good. Their first two albums really changed my life, but for different ways. I wanted to focus on their debut album, 2005’s Almost Here, because this album is arguably the more influential album compared to 2007’s Santi. Santi was a more eclectic and interesting album, but Almost Here was more influential, because it was a big influence to the mainstream rise to emo and pop-punk.

Vocalist William Beckett is one of my favorite frontmen of the scene, too, and he has such a good voice, especially here. Almost Here is a really catchy, clever, and accessible emo record that surely should have been bigger, but oddly wasn’t. I don’t know what happened, other than that the scene was just too saturated. There were just too many bands out there, and that’s one reason the scene began to disappear from the mainstream. There were so many bands that were vying for peoples’ attentions, but Almost Here is one of the best records of that era that not a lot of people, at least outside of people who were a huge fan of the scene itself, have heard.

Bayside - The Walking Wounded

Contrary to the belief of what “elder emo” TikTokers will tell you, there are more bands in the scene than Fall Out Boy, Paramore, MCR, and Panic. The scene is so much bigger than what you saw in the mainstream, and a lot of it began in New York, including the band Bayside. These guys got pretty big in the early to mid 00s, even playing some late night shows (a lot of bands did, which was super cool), and they’re still around now, but they’re not on the level they once were.

My introduction to them was 2007’s The Walking Wounded, which was their third album, but I found them through an Alternative Press compilation of with an acoustic version of a song from that album. I picked up the album, because I really enjoyed the song, especially Anthony Raneri’s lyrics and vocals, and the album surprised me quite a bit when I heard a pop-punk album with heavier guitar riffs than your average pop-punk album. This remains my favorite album from them today, although their newest album from this year is great, too, and really reminds me of the inventiveness I heard on that record. It showed me that pop-punk can be both catchy and heavy at the same time, and the record still rules today.

Forever The Sickest Kids - Underdog Alma Mater

In the late 00s, a lot of the emo / pop-punk in the mainstream started to disappear, and popularity waned for that style, despite a few bands still being popular. Paramore, Fall Out Boy, Panic, and MCR still reigned as kings and queens of the genre. A new challenger emerged, at least in the underground, and that was neon pop-punk. Retrospectively named for its bright and colorful aesthetic, as well as how catchy and pop-focused the music was, neon pop-punk was the early 00s pop-punk fun-loving cousin that didn’t really take itself too seriously.

One of the most important albums of that movement, and while it’s probably not the first album that you could call neon pop-punk, Forever The Sickest Kids’ debut album, 2008’s Underdog Alma Mater, is a big moment for the genre. This album is catchy, slick, energetic, fun, and a little immature at times, but it also doesn’t take itself seriously and knows what it is. I always loved this record, because as catchy and synth-laden as their music, they had some good hooks and riffs to match. They were more than just a vapid pop-punk / pop-rock band, and this record shows it. They should have been a lot bigger, but they kind of fumbled the bag by releasing mediocre albums after and then just disappearing by the 2010s, so it’s unfortunate, but their debut is still one of my favorite albums from the scene.

New Found Glory - Sticks & Stones

Outside of Take This To Your Grave, I wasn’t familiar with a lot of early 00s pop/punk and emo, but where that album got me into that style of pop-punk, New Found Glory’s 2002 record, Sticks & Stones solidified it. Funnily though, this wasn’t the first NFG album I heard, that would be 2009’s Not Without A Fight, but it took me a few years to go back in their discography and listen to the album with their most iconic song “My Friends Over You.” This is easily one of my favorite 00s pop-punk records, and it’s kinda for that song alone. This record is so much fun, and it’s one of the first examples of easycore, where pop-punk and hardcore breakdowns met. You can hear it on this record a lot, and it’s awesome, but even after listening to this album for the first time in over a decade, I still enjoy it quite a bit.

Taking Back Sunday - Tell All Your Friends

Taking Back Sunday is one of the OG pop-punk and emo bands of the 00s, including New Found Glory, but I found their debut album, 2002’s Tell All Your Friends through word of mouth almost. This album was my all my favorite bands’ favorite album, especially in the 2010s “defend pop-punk” scene. Tell All Your Friends was a generation before mine, as I was too young when this record came out, but when I heard it, it blew my mind. I kept thinking, “This is what my favorite bands are influenced by? This is great!” There are loads of catchy hooks, one-liners, and mosh-ready instrumentation galore. These guys really helped to bring a new style of pop-punk to the forefront and you can hear the influence in a lot of records afterwards.

Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out

Panic! At The Disco’s debut album, 2005’s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, is lightning in a bottle; this record could only have come out in the mid-00s. It has a really unique sound, especially for the time, but it helped to catapult emo to the mainstream. Hell, “I Write Sins” is one of the biggest songs from that era, and it’ll be a song that people always remember, let alone gets played at emo nights across the country. Fever is such an iconic record, but it’s also a unique and interesting album that showcases Panic wanting to aim higher in terms of emo and pop-punk. The album is split into two halves — an electronic first half and a baroque pop second half, but it doesn’t feel jarring or strange.

It’s funny, because I remember downloading only a few songs from this album at first on iTunes back in 2007. I found the band through the Alternative Press compilation I’ve mentioned over and over again. I heard a live version of album closer “Build God, Then We’ll Talk,” and I loved it. I ended up listening to the rest of the album sometime later, but Fever is still such an iconic and nostalgic album for me. It still holds up all these years later, too, especially for its unique sound.

MCR - The Black Parade

Talk about another nostalgic album, because The Black Parade is very much another album that defined not only my adolescence, but the entire scene during the mid-00s. Fall Out Boy, Paramore, Panic! At The Disco, and My Chemical Romance were the big four of the scene at the time, but The Black Parade is really what cemented MCR on that list. Their first two albums were a darker version of the emo and pop-punk sounds that came slightly before them, and during their rise, but The Black Parade was a new sound entirely. Dubbed the emo Queen, these guys made an emo rock opera that really justified that description.

This record is huge, expansive, melodramatic, fun, dark, poignant, and incredibly interesting in all facets. I just absolutely love this record. I don’t remember how I found them, because I found them at the same time as Panic and Fall Out Boy (Paramore came last, as I found All We Know Is Falling a bit before Riot came out), but I was obsessed with this record as a kid. It’s one of those rare albums that I can listen to as an adult and still appreciate what it does on a purely technical and artistic level, because there are a lot of nuances that I didn’t pick up back then. It’s easily their best album to me, despite how they only put one more and disappeared (they still haven’t put out another album despite coming back a few years ago), and it’s the one that I always go back to.

The Cab - Whisper War

For my last pick, I wanted to include another “neon” album, but a bit of an obscure pick. The Cab were a band that were heavily involved with Fueled By Ramen, as well as Pete Wentz’s Decaydance imprint, even including both Patrick Stump and Brendon Urie on the main single for their debut album, 2008’s Whisper. Called “One Of THOSE Nights,” the song showcased what they were all about, and they had a really unique R&B and soulful take on neon pop-punk. Their vocalist had a lot of range, and reminded me a ton of Patrick Stump, but I just fell in love with how catchy and groovy that album was (and still is). It showed me that pop-punk could utilize more outside influences, and while The Cab never got as huge as the bands that they clearly were inspired by, they had a rather dedicated following in the scene, but they just never got as big as they really should have.

[offensivemotivations]

*trigger warning: self-harm and depression*

I say stories are important and I encourage people to share theirs, if they are comfortable. I was sixteen when I began to understand the difference between "want to stay" and "don't want to leave." Some of that was driven by childhood bullying/abuse/neglect, the details of which won't be shared now. Most of it was driven by seeing what was happening within the lgbtq community while I was exploring who I was as a person. It was only two years prior, when I was 14, that Matthew Shepard lost his life to bigotry and hate, and being in the conservative mid-to-northwest made me no stranger to learning what it was like to be hated.

But, I also came to learn over the years that TIME is a friend. Survivors are often quoted as not really wanting to go through with it, but feeling so stuck in their situations, with no hope of betterment, that it seemed their only way out. Situations will always change with time. So, no matter how bad things ever got, I learned to hold to a mentality of one more day, one day at a time, no matter what. Make my life the longest god-dang run on sentence I could. And I learned that the greatest revenge I could have on those that would shun me away, was to take up as much as room and presence as I wanted, and tell them to shove it.

While I didn't have anyone in my life at the time to talk about it, like millions of others, I did find a sense of connection and feeling not alone through my favorite band at the time, Linkin Park. It was the early 2000's. I was later deeply affected by the passing of Chester. I was also deeply affected by the passing of Robin Williams, one of my favorite actors. And by a co-worker, who was the life of the party but had no family and took his own life one year on Christmas eve. And my sister-in-law's twin sister. Recently, I had heard of Nex Benedict in Tulsa. And another old, close friend of mine, who was a grandmother. And more than I can list out here. Whether I knew them or simply loved them as if I knew them, I carry them, gently, like jars of butterflies that should have flown, but were too weighed down and lost their battles.

All of the proceeds that I make from these designs will be donated to the Crisis Lifeline. If you need help, get help. Call 988 or visit 988lifeline.org

~The Dude In Charge at Offensive Motivations

www.OffensiveMotivations.etsy.com

[vacantgodling]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ ramble ACTIVATE

RAMBLE TIME ACTIVATED! i'm gonna do the same thing that you did and do multiple wips :D sooo wheel randomizer here we come lol

(1) atreyus and the black knight (aka the worthless war universe)

so i don't know if i mentioned it to anyone yet, however worthless war is kind of getting a league of other short stories centered around the entire situation and concept of worthless war. these stories are going to stick in specific tenses/POVs to communicate a specific aspect of the story and what it says about them and how they view the world.

so atreyus's pov is always second person (and is the pov character from worthless war proper)--his narrative pronoun will always be "you" because for him, the trauma of the war is an out of body experience; the person on the battlefield doesn't feel like him and he has a hard time connecting to his life after the war, so he uses "you" to create distance between himself and his memories.

the black knight (who will never get a name beyond this btw) is always going to have an "i" narrative pronoun because he is DEEPLY entrenched in his trauma. the ptsd is strong with this one. so every time he thinks about the war and what happened its like he's reliving everything. you can see that in this poem which is apart of the universe: knights on a dangerous quest

lucasta (atreyus's childhood sweetheart/wife) will have one or two short narratives in this as well, and she will always have a third person narrative; and following with the theme its because she didn't experience the war directly, so she has no personal attachment to it. she only sees how it affects atreyus.

(2) broken clouds

welp i was gonna try and find the old art that i had of green just for the sake of having something to put here, but tbh i searched through all my sketchbooks and whilst i know it is there somewhere i can't find where and that is annoying LMAO. ig the only thing i have to ramble about is i still am not sure if i want to add dulce to this wip or not; like i love dulce and he's such a fun character to draw and i do miss drawing him (since broken clouds is less of a wip and more of a bunch of unrelated doodles) but at the same time idk if he'd fit in with the crew. i also feel like i should redesign gator--i've had their design for years, but i just hate drawing their hair LMAO.

(3) the virgin of mt heredosa (aka the star child)

so, the star child and the universe of the virgin of mt heredosa, are something my partner and i recently combined into one universe so its kind of a cowritten endeavor. y'all saw my art of naseer, my ANGEL BOY i would kill for him, but he's the second kind of most important mc here--the main character of the first half of the star child is named hassan and tl;dr he's a demigod--his father is a god of war (who is actually verin from mt heredosa's eldest brother and the only one who did not shift the blame of their father's death onto him. he was unable to overrule the rest of their siblings so after verin was banished he left of his own accord and ended up becoming the main deity of the land that the star child takes place in) and his mother was a human, but became a goddess after she gave birth to him. tl;dr hassan had to be half human bc #prophecy shit.

the biggest issue with the land of the star child is that most of the ethnic groups and tribes are p much under forced occupation and slavery via a tyrant king and hassan basically is a chosen one not really but kinda is that overthrows said tyrant king and ends up becoming the new ruler of the place. he has a band of friends who help him out, as well his eventual wife and future queen, tisana who is actually a lovely trans lady :) they end up being chosen bc they were successful to raise the Actual prophecy tm child naseer because naseer is literally a young god birthed from the stars tm. hence the title, the star child :DD

i love these characters and this story a lot and i get to do So Much worldbuilding for it so i'm real excited about it :DD

(4) gothica

something about gothica is tbh idk if i'm ever gonna change the title the shit is just stuck now 😭😭 i originally gave it that (well, technically gofficka) as a temporary title because i was taking inspiration from kinda... shit written dark romance ya novels and my immortal LMAO and i remember when i read my immortal in one of the chapters she spelled gothic as "goffick" or something like that, so i named it that to be cheeky and then i started spelling it gothica and now idk what else to name it. like i could give it a more usual style title but i think it harks back to the campy roots of this mess so i'm kind of inclined to keep it. idk man LOL.

[connectionterminated13]

This story takes place in my AU death swap, Basically a lot of the deaths are swapped Charlie is alive Sammy is dead, Michael gets his self grabbed by circus baby and Elizabeth does Michael's role in sister location and gets herself scooped. Now Evan who survived the bite and became a murder guy just like his dear old dad. This is right after the events of Elizabeth waking up and being found by Charlie Evans coming in to give the more information on what happened. Or so they think Evans about to lie through his teeth for like 3 minutes straight

Sorry if there's a couple mistakes I really pushed this out to make the day! but it was really fun having to write things quicker :3

TW: Mentions of blood, death, mental illness, Murder.

Anyway my submission for the last day of the bash @and-stir-the-stars I hope you like it!

Evan stood outside of the building. It was in a bit of a dirty part of  town but was still nice enough.. honestly it was better than he was expecting. His boots didn't even get that dirty as he walked over to the collection of buzzers on the outside of the apartment looking for Elizabeth's apartment number. 

Evan pressed the correct button and cleared his voice.

“Hello” 

Susie's voice hasn't changed a bit in the almost 7 years since he spoke to her. Evan expected being in a band would make her voice louder, bigger but no it was still that delicate pageant girl voice that had been trained into her. 

“Hey it's me Evan! Here to see Charlie and my sister!” Evan couldn't help but smile to himself despite the bite ruining his face and head, he still had inherited his father's buttery British accent.

“I thought I told you to go shove a stick up your ass…” and The nice Christian slightly overweight, pageant girl was gone and the Punk girl who thought she was interesting was back. 

Evan was hoping the charisma that he had been practicing almost his whole life would get her to be a little bit less obnoxious..

Evan replied with a good natured laugh hiding his annoyance. “Funny but Susie this is serious if you could just open the door for me I love that!”

He heard a bit of chatter too far for the small speaker to pick up. Charlie had intervened, thank God he liked Charlie.

“Sorry about her Evan! She's just a little bit on edge. I'll let you in!” Evan smiled. Charlie was nice. Charlie always came to the hospital to read him books when he could not read himself. She had always been kinder to him than anyone else other than maybe Elizabeth. The only problem with Charlie had been how she liked Michael. He hated how they were friends and then he hated when they were together. One of the many things that had gotten better once Michael had died.

He heard the door open. There was Charlie, a tired smile on her face, Her dark brown hair Wild.. She was wearing some band t-shirt he didn't recognize And comfortable loose sweatpants. She looked like she hadn't slept in days.

“Charlie!” Evan smiled hugging her tight as he felt her arms wrap around him. Always forgot how tall she was.

“Evan I'm so sorry we didn't talk sooner just with school.. and the band… and work. It's been a lot.. I'm so glad you're okay man..” Charlie let out a sigh letting go of him. Evan understood.. 

His less important job at Freddy's and his more important job of gathering remnant took up most of his time.

“Same here Charlie…” And Evan was telling the truth it wasn't part of the plan to have Charlie go down to Circus baby's entertainment and rentals. He had any say in it his sister wouldn't have either. But it was all part of his father's plan so Evan had no choice 

Evan and Charlie talked a little bit as they walked through the door and got into the elevator in the apartment. Apparently school was going well and she had gotten a job working for a computer company doing programming. The band was also going to perform at a big venue next month or it was..

But Evan wasn't really listening to the chatter though. He was thinking about Elizabeth. From what he had heard over the phone she was dead. 

Charlie had told him the whole story through heavy gasps and obvious tears. How they had gotten the call from William telling them that Michael was down in Circus baby's entertainment and rentals and they needed to put him back together. How Elizabeth got a job as a night technician and Charlie got a job as a day technician. How Elizabeth had fought through the first four nights with the help of a mysterious voice revealed to be the main star herself, Circus baby.

How on the 5th night circus baby and all the other animatronics had tore themselves apart and melted together into a new monster that called itself Ennard. How they head killed the other technicians and nearly killed Charlie but stopped. Evan had heard Charlie's voice break when she mentioned the monster had Michael's voice.

And then the monster, the horrible wire thing lured Elizabeth into the scooping room and ripped her to shreds. It had stolen his sister's skin.

He felt a bit vindicated, he was right all those years of Michael playing like he was some kind of saint. Refusing to kill, refusing to get blood on his hands even though he wasn't Michael with free will, she was Baby the killing machine.. 

He was getting spiteful, Charlie noticed. 

“Gosh Evan, I didn't know you hated Computer programming so much.” Charlie looked over nervous as the elevator door opened. Evan had let his mask slip that was bad.. 

“No I was just thinking of everything that happened, I'm So Sorry Charlie..” It was a good enough excuse and he was sorry. Evan knew he and Elizabeth were estranged and she hated him, but he hated the idea of something that horrible happening to her.

But he also had to admit he loved the vision of it. Blood and visceral everywhere organs spilling on the ground and Michael once again covered in blood. Evan thought of the years that he had spent checking the camera footage of Baby's room, to see the cowardly thing crying to herself or pleading for someone to acknowledge she was Michael. How she had refused to do the one thing she was built for.. and she still ended up covered in blood! since that was all Michael was good for getting his siblings blood everywhere 

The two of them stopped at number 5. Even if Charlie hadn't guided him Evan would know this was Elizabeth's home. A pride flag sticker was on the door. 

“Yeah.. Liz and Susie aren't exactly secretive about….” Charlie let out a small chuckle as she opened the door. Evan couldn't help it. He did too, her laughter even so small, sad and tired was infectious.

“What are you laughing at…” And there was Susie. Jesus Christ. Time had sculpted the Pink dress, wearing golden curls, Bible reciting, Susie he had known into a black clad, imposing woman. Evan could still see the traces of the shy, homeschooled, girl he remembered. But None of the kindness she had held for him as a child still lurked in her eyes.

“Nice to meet you again!” Evan put on his most charming smile, Reaching out his Hand to be shook. 

Susie just stared down at his hand, Her bright blue eyes looking at him with such hatred he almost feared that she knew how many lives his hands had taken. They stood there for a minute before Charlie broke the silence.

“Um.. Let's just go inside.. I can make everybody some coffee!” Charlie said nervously. Susie nodded sharply, moving out of the way so both Charlie and Evan could get into the apartment.

Evan stepped inside and he had to admit, the apartment was nice. There was a cozy old couch and armchair with a nice, if slightly rickety table to sit and have meals at. There were a couple shelves filled with records, a drum kit and two electric guitars. 

“Not fancy enough for you?” He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard Susie's voice. 

“No, it's a nice place..” It wasn't the sort of place Evan wanted to live, but it seemed to fit Elizabeth, Susie and Charlie well enough. 

It was definitely nicer than his room back at his father's house. He hadn't changed it since he was carted off to the hospital on that fateful birthday in 1983. His father didn't let him change it.

“Yeah sure…” Susie sat down on the couch. Evan sat down on the chair beginning to hear the noises of Charlie making coffee in what seemed to be a small kitchen.

“Did you know your dad was sending my girlfriend, your sister, his f****** daughter down to Hell?” Her voice was accusatory and angry. Evan did know. Evan knew that place was a death trap, That there was a chance his sister wouldn't come out of there. But what was he going to do about it? it's not like he could change anything, like he could stop it?

“No! And I swear to God my dad didn't either! He's already having a discussion with the owners of rentals” Evan tries to believe the lie himself, tries to believe that his father didn't mean for his only daughter to die.

He did not know his father's plan but he had a feeling that Elizabeth was supposed to die down there.

“Susie, can we please not get accusatory! I know you're scared, I am too but Evan's here to help us fix this” Charlie stumbled in with three coffee mugs. Evan gratefully took a big long sip.

“I get it! you think he can help but Elizabeth doesn't want to see him and Elizabeth is the one who's..” Susie stops herself from saying that part. Evan can only imagine what it must be like.. He doesn't know much about their relationship other than it's romantic. To have your partner become a monster before your eyes must be horrifying. 

Susie and Charlie began to whisper. 

It was almost sweet.. To love someone that much, to be loved that much. Avenue nothing of love. He was almost certain he couldn't feel it, just another sign that he was broken.. He wondered if his father didn't feel love. He wondered if it was the bite that made another part of his brain broken.. 

The whispering stopped and Susie, her face still a mask of anger yelled out. "Liz! Evans here!”

Evan put on his best Charming, biggest, I've missed you sister, smile. As he ran through the possibilities of what his sister actually would look like. He wasn't good at the supernatural science of it all, but he had a basic understanding of how these things worked and Elizabeth's condition was nothing he had ever heard of.

There was a possibility that dad had just never told him about anything like this but he didn't think so. 

And then trudging out from the hallway which presumably led to Susie and Elizabeth's room came Elizabeth. 

Elizabeth trudged out with an angry look on her face. The first thing ever noticed was that his sister was missing half of her face. The entire skin on the right side of her face was gone revealing the bone. Her skin was also pinkish purple… And she was covered in.. 

“Sticky notes?” Evan said in confusion. Now that was a big slip up his first words were supposed to be something inviting, not sticky notes… He couldn't help it! He was surprised! Evan didn't know exactly what he had been expecting but not this…. 

“Sorry I was busy writing you know all of this being sent to my death by my father, seeing the kind of ghost of My Dead Brother and becoming a zombie business gave me some killer ideas for music..” Elizabeth ruled her eye and Susie let out a small chuckle 

Evan, cleared his throat 

“It's been so long, Elizabeth! I know it's under bad circumstances but still it's wonderful to be back together!” 

Evan hopes that his words were convincing enough. Despite not wanting anything to do with them, Elizabeth was still an Afton, so she was able to recognize manipulation but all those years away from father probably lessened the skill.

“Stop trying to be my brother.. Just get this over with so I can get back to songwriting and cuddling my girlfriend” Elizabeth looked away; she only had one eye now. And that one eye was filled with such hatred.

“Yeah and you better not tell any faz-themed lies you little company rat” Susie looked like at any minute if Evan said Susie deemed a lie, her fist would be planted in his shattered skull.

Charlie gave them both a stop fighting look before speaking 

“You work with William, you know something about the rentals and what happened to Michael right?” 

“Yes I do..” Now it was time for the lie.. Evan had been practicing this. His father had gone through the basic idea of what he was supposed to say but Evan had added on details..

“As you all probably remember, on the Opening day of Circus Baby's Pizza World there was a gas leak..” This he had gone through with his father there was never a gas leak. 

Most of the “gas” was just circus baby overheating and letting out excess smoke because her body wasn't built to fit someone of Michael's size 

All three of the women's faces fell dark. Evan could remember that day just like they did.. Smoke choking the air, children running in fear and Elizabeth stepping out of the party room covered in pizza sauce. It was really Michael's blood, but William had convinced everyone that the gas had tampered with Elizabeth's mind and she had just wandered into the kitchen and spilled tomato sauce. How poor little Elizabeth hadn't been able to understand what she had just seen and had begun to cry that circus baby ate Michael..

“But what you don't know is that the gas leak was caused by Michael…” Evan tried to look somber but he could barely hold in his grin. He had added this part. And the next one 

Charlie began to fidget uncomfortably. She had been closer with Michael than anyone at that time; this was going to hurt her a lot..

“He went mad I think quite a while ago.. Was convinced he needed to combine himself with the machines. Made an excuse of getting ice cream for you Elizabeth, then rigged circus baby so she would instead of handing out ice cream pull ice cream in and in this case he was ice cream..” Oh this was fun to see, the look on Elizabeth and Charlie's faces. He cared for them both but the way they liked Michael after everything he did made Evan's blood boil..

“No no you're lying! he wouldn't- I knew him! he-we had a plan! he wouldn't-” Charlie got up beginning to pace.

Evan just sat there trying to look sad. “I'm afraid it's true.. My father didn't tell anyone, fearing that him and Henry would be under more scrutiny and I know it's wrong! He regrets it a lot! but he was scared and sad and thought that was the best decision..” 

Evan spoke in a quiet voice trying to sound sad harder, since even though he was a good liar, seeing Charlie dislike Michael seeing her finally understand that he was a monster and a murderer made him feel good…

“So Michael went crazy and let out the gas leak and shoved himself in the robot? How does that explain him being a part of circus baby and appearing to Liz? Is he like haunting it or something?” Susie was the only one not having an emotional reaction to this; she hadn't known Michael. The only steak she had in this was her girlfriend's well-being.

“He was mentally unstable and scared and thought that was the only way he could be whole.. And yes I believe that in some form his consciousness lingers on and it influences Circus baby and the rest of the animatronics to be violent.. to do that..” Evan gestured to Elizabeth making Susie give him a death glare. 

This was sort of true. Michael was Circus baby and was fully conscious. But he wasn't responsible for the others' murderous programming, dad just made the funtimes like that.

“That's why they were locked up down there. That's why they're punishment was so severe, Michaels sou-if you want to call it that made them go insane…” Elizabeth nodded along quietly.

“It makes sense, He didn't seem that sound of mind when I saw him..” Elizabeth ran an unconscious hand over the entry scar on her back where the scooper had hit and that monstrosity had torn into her. 

“No, I know Michael! I knew him so well then!! We were close! If he was feeling like that he would have told me!? he would have said something, he would have like painted it or some s*** Michael doesn't-” Charlie looked around hoping for that hostility Susie and Elizabeth had to Evan earlier but his lie was good they knew he was right. 

“Look Charlie I'm not saying we trust the corporate asshat over there..But it seems to line up with what Elizabeth said…” Even though Evan hated being called a corporate asshat, She was on the right track or the track he wanted her to be on.

“May I continue?” The word sounded Melancholy as if he couldn't bear to continue telling the tale.

Charlie nodded, looking like she was about to explode. Evan went ahead quickly before Charlie could say anything else 

“But trapping a bloodthirsty animal in a cage makes it more vicious so All of the animatronics influenced by Michael's anger and Madness at time of death combined and used Elizabeth to escape..”

“Then I got moldy and they injected” Elizabeth added on 

“Exactly and here's where it all comes in.. You brought me here to find out more information and now you've got it! but we still have a murderous pile of wires on the loose, who's willing to do worse than what happened to Elizabeth in a heartbeat…And it still thinks like Michael in some weird twisted way so.. ” Charlie stopped pacing and stared in object horror at what next was going to come out of Evan's mouth. Evan couldn't help but smile here he had been waiting for this part, he'd been waiting to even do this since he woke up in that stupid hospital bed in 1983

“We need to kill it, And Charlie I need your help to get it done…”

[witchthewriter]

𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 @theferalgremlin.

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐋

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒂! … 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂! You said you were okay with a poly relationship and I've never gotten the chance to ship someone with two people from the same fandom in this way and it's actually really exciting!

Okay so I think you three would be this absolutely incredible trio. The most badass and you would have your own group name that was given to you (Nat did NOT want a name)

Also I have this headcanon that in this world you can tame animals and they listen to you. I won't go into your background because it is very traumatising in this world, but you can tame ANY animal. And that includes ones from different worlds...

For the reason why I ship you with Nat; is because you both have similar personalities, but at the same time I can see you being somewhat similar to Wanda as well? You balance light and darkness inside of you.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

You said you would be up for a poly relationship if everyone was consenting ... well, turns out all three of you have feelings for each other and are more than consenting to the relationship

Wanda falls into the homemaker role; she loves it. A housewife, even though no one asked her to do it. She loves looking after You and Nat

Nat is away a lot for missions, which makes you and Wanda sad. But she always tries to contact you one way or another

Wanda calls you 'draga' which means darling/dear one. Nat calls you 'Sladkiye shcheki' (sweetcheeks)

Nat always brings back presents/momentos from the places that she's told to go to. She brings you back records from your favourite bands.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Burn Your Village by Kiki Rockwell

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

"You wear the pants in this relationship" (You & Wanda say to Nat) x "Oh I wish, I cannot control either of you at all" (Nat)

Makes A Mess (You) x Cleans The Mess (Nat) x Is A Mess (Wanda)

Moon (Nat) x Eclipse (You) x Sun (Wanda)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

People With The Most Traumatising Background Fall In Love

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Nat's favourite thing about you is your intensity. She finds it absolutely invigorating. She too has a lot of intense feelings but was never allowed to show them. But with you, she can let everything out. Tell you what she hasn't told anyone before. She can let down her walls.

Wanda's favourite thing about you is that you have a lot of love for things, a lot of passion. She loves how you can delve into your creativity and draw for hours. You actually drew her once and she teared up because she didn't think you were thinking of her that much.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Your best friend would be Mantis! Oh my god, you would love her so much and show her all these things on earth. Especially those game stores (I cannot believe the word has left my brain) ya know oh! Arcades! And the claw machines; she would be on those for hours upon hours, trying to win a prize.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix of Darcy Lewis, Mantis and Wanda. A softness that is hidden by a hard shell. Deflecting hard situations with humour, kind but if someone crosses you - then that's it, you hold a grudge for life.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

What comes with your magic is the ability to tame any animal. And that is a big thing. You're one of the most important players in the game. So, that means you need protection. And what better protection than a goddamn wolf? You had your wolf well before you met Nat and Wanda, so when you moved in together, you all decided on getting a place with a big backyard for your wolf (they were weary of him at first but because you can telepathically talk to him, he knows that they're safe and he protects them too).

Also, with a house so large, that means you can connect with the animals that are native. You've befriended ravens, who keep an eye out for danger, and bears who like to eat the left overs from dinner.

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒐 𝑴𝒂𝒍𝒇𝒐𝒚! The Slytherin Prince, the Dark Lord's apprentice ... I think you would be a solace for him. A place of safety. Someone who he can open up to and find the real him. Ever since he was born, there was a plan for him, a way of being that made him an awful person. But with you, he can peel back those layers that others have put in place.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

It was your scent he smelled with the Amortentia. Even though you weren't present in the class, he was deeply embarrassed.

You started a relationship with him because he slipped a note in one of your books, helping you with some questions you were finding difficult in class. He knew because he would watch you in the common room, slumped over the table, rereading the material over and over again

Then he made sure no one bothered you. No one - not from any House. It was because on your first day at Hogwarts, you had sat across from him on he Slytherin table (even though he was a year above you) and smiled at him

Your kindness was like a kick to the gut. He hadn't experienced it from a stranger before. Especially not a Slytherin stranger.

From then on, he had kept an eye on you. Trying to figure you out.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Devil's Resting Place by Laura Marling

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

"Being With You Makes Me Better"

Teases Them (Draco) x About To End Them (You)

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing But At Least I’m Alive, Right? (Draco) x You’re Doing Great, Sweetie (You)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

“I care about you!” x “You shouldn’t!”

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

Draco loves that you can think for yourself; you have your own opinions and don't let others affect what you believe in. He admires your stubbornness and sometimes damns it. But he knows that being firm in your beliefs also means you're very loyal.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Ginny Weasley, much to the surprise of ... everyone. A Slytherin and Gryffindor friendship was rarely heard of. But like many traditions, you broke them. Ginny was cold to you at first, but once you stuck up for a first year Ravenclaw girl, she had respect for you.

And that grew over the first two years, and then you were partnered together in potions and have been best friends ever since.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix of Ginny, Sirius, Luna ... god ... you just have a lot of sides to you. And J. K. Rowling doesn't have a lot of ... diverse characters? I mean there's a lot of characters but they're not multidimensional like the ones in Marvel or HotD. They don't balance light and darkness - they're either good or bad. So I guess you just a mix of so many because you live in the grey.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

From one of the pet stores in Diagon Alley, your family wanted you to get an owl. But you desired a cat so much. You wanted a pet who could snuggle up to you. Keep you company when people got too much. And although it took your parents a lot of convincing, they finally said yes. But when you went to the pet store, there were no cats left!

Moping, on your way through the cobbled streets, you saw a stray cat. Orange, covered in dirt and missing an eye, you scooped him up and said he was yours.

𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐃

𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂 𝒅𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒕 𝑰 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑨𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝑻𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒚𝒆𝒏! He definitely has Scorpio placements. So, he understands the deep desire for connection - one that doesn't start off with small talk. It's all in, straight in. Together.

𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

, In the same way, you're possessive and overprotective, as is he to you

Likes to brush your hair in the evening, it gives him a moment of peace, to focus on something for someone he loves

Defends you against anyone who wants to hurt you, or insults you. Especially his brother, Aegon, who thinks he can say whatever he wants without consequence.

His mother wasn't very happy with you two being together, since he was arranged to marry a Baratheon princess to further the alliance. But Aemond would rather die than not have you

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Burning Desire by Lana Del Rey (oh my god Aemond is so Lana Del Rey coded - he is literally bby)

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

 “Shut Up” x “Make Me”

 Snarky Power Couple That Can, And Probably Will, Destroy You

Emotionally Unstable (You) x Also Emotionally Unstable But Tries To Hide It (Aemond)

𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Forbidden Love

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

That you listen to even the smallest detail about someone. What surprised him is that you use it for good - for getting presents and surprising people. Where Aemond would use that for personal gain and to blackmail. You don't. And that surprised him for the better.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

Baela, you like that she challenges you and brings new things into your life. She's very fun and once you had a crush on her - but she didn't have romantic feelings for ... anyone. Man or woman. She was just obsessed with showing up for her family and living her life to the fullest.

𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆

A mix between Rhaena and Baela, the girls are opposites. Soft and hard; sweet and sour. But they're both willful and have the blood of both Targaryen and Velaryon. You remind me of them because you seem both strong-willed but have a reasonable side. I think you value logic but have big emotions.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕

Your family married into the Targaryen bloodline, but it wasn't expected that you would have a dragon (even though you wanted so badly to have one.)

It was actually Baela who showed you where a lot of dragons resided on Dragonstone. And you were dared by a lower lordling to find the grumpy old Vermithor and spend ten seconds in his lair. You accepted and within five seconds, the cavern was lit up in flames by the angry old dragon.

In Valyrian, you told him to calm down. When that didn't work, you started calling him names. 'Oh stop it you cranky fool! I am of the blood of Old Valyria and you will not harm me.' Spoken in the Valyrian tongue, Vermithor ... obeyed.

[celestialmazer]

Foo Fighters

Hampden Park, Glasgow 17.06.24

Certainly and expectedly the most emotional concert I've ever been to for so many reasons (crying/welling up well into the double digits throughout 😂)

Got spooky for me too the times Josh sounded like Taylor but was blocked by the crowd and my mind's eye was just filling in the blanks with memory 🫠🙃

Important notes:

(woke up with a really sore lower back for no reason the day before which hadn't eased, but tbh - standing for hours on end aside - my subdued movements matched the expected overall vibe of tentatively sombre initially meets let's go fucking mental when the mood takes us! Lots of first timers in the crowd too so a bubbling sense of the unknown pervaded ✨ surrounded by almost entirely good sorts including a wildcard wee lady who appeared out of nowhere when the music started, ready to thrash so hard her hair got my eyeball and mouth at one point 😂 the most polite vibe tall guy I've ever come across at a gig and the most hilariously polite off-their-nuts group excusing themselves to go to and from mosh pit area, one had a comedy large backpack which I reckon he needed as a travelling apothecary)

• Rami aced his intro again by playing Flower of Scotland - it's an easy win that is always going to work 😂 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

• At this performance Josh's t-shirt read

"God gave rock and roll to you Satan wants it back"

• And couldn't quite get a pic that captures it properly but Rami had a lil guy with a hat labelled executive potato I think 🤷😂🥔💗 (Very last image)

ICYMI - didn't notice this detail during the concert, found out after, but for a brief moment during My Hero the headlight of the big red delicious turned to projecting a hawk 🥲 - had one accidental photo of it which I've made more obvious. Proper video link from Foo Fighters live below

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8frGS0SCIy/?

Treated to a walkway performance of Skin and Bones (written in Scotland during a T in the Park turns out!), Under You (Dave still didn't quite manage through this time but keeps trying! 🥲) and Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners!! (and he shared he only later discovered the trapped miners requested an iPod of Foo Fighters not cos they were big fans but cos they wanted something to drown out the drilling 🤣) (and we found the German man at the front of the queue got to! 😂🙌 Like a Euros exchange programme)

Violet Grohl came out for her tour debut to sing Show Me How, such a pretty voice 💜

Aurora dedicated to Taylor 🥹😭

Dave swigging some Buckfast - had no concept of what it was when a photo went viral a while back so became an accidental, begrudging spokesmodel - thinks it's actually not that bad 😂

The Teacher visuals were beautiful, emotional, psychedelic and felt like they crossed realms which... was a lot 🙃

Have literally never seen Nate look so buzzing as coming up for this bow 👏 🙌 the chill had set in so Pat got a hoodie on and was milking his exit 💗 thrown sticks and picks landed nearby, quickly snatched up but not by us

Sooo, we realised we practically filmed the whole concert between us - a great distraction attempt from crying 😂 so have put a playlist up for posterity... swithering about going through the digital camera archives and filing in the gaps in my upload history, but that's so far down the current to do list it's unreal (would've been unstoppable if I'd got a smartphone years ago at concerts, lol)

Supported by Honey Blood and Courtney Barnett

Tour: Everything or Nothing at All

Setlist

1. All My Life

2. No Son of Mine

(with snippets of "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath and "Enter Sandman" by Metallica)

3. Rescued

4. The Pretender

5. Walk

6. Times Like These

(Dave and Rami only into full band)

7. White Limo

8. La Dee Da

9. This Is a Call

10. Guitar Solo / Sabotage / Keyboard Solo / Flower of Scotland / Blitzkrieg Bop / Whip It / March of the Pigs

11. My Hero

(acoustic into full band)

12. The Sky Is a Neighborhood

13. Learn to Fly

14. Arlandria

15. These Days

16. Skin and Bones

(tour debut; acoustic with Rami on accordion)

17. Under You

(Dave solo acoustic)

18. Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners

(acoustic into full band)

19. Nothing at All

(with a snippet of "Blackbird" by The Beatles)

20. Unconditional

21. Monkey Wrench

(with added audience “Here We Fucking Go” and “No Scotland No Party")

22. Show Me How

(with Violet Grohl) (tour debut)

23. Aurora

(dedicated to Taylor Hawkins)

24. Best of You

Encore:

25. The Teacher

26. Everlong

Oh and we got our pic in the paper as we were there and getting merch so early on the photographer asked us (his first fans of the day) and we were like ...���� Why not 😂 (cue wind and sun)

https://www.glasgowtimes.co.uk/news/scottish-news/24393473.crowds-foo-fighters-fans-arriving-glasgows-hampden/