#like genuinely. im really glad its not About Me anymore and its just something people can laugh at. i can laugh at it!

[valtsv]

i can't even be mad that the "[x] is such a raw quote you'd think it was from shakespeare" meme was originally used to make fun of me for a cringe post i made a few years ago when everyone hated my guts and i was battling an episode because it's so funny

[velvetvexations]

It is so unbelievable how many fucking anti transmasc losers there are!! It's unbelievable, it really is just like ace discourse. Every fucking blog, I have to search 'transmasc' and 'TME' just like I had to search 'ace' and 'asexual' back in the day People will JUMP at the chance to do this shit over again huh

You should read up on the Cultural Revolution because it just keeps happening.

Ok not to double send but...

Blogs like yours do WONDERS for my mental health. Knowing there are actually people in my corner while I realise I'm a trans man is phenomenal

I'm glad to help! <3

my passing status is nebulous. sometimes i pass, but mostly i dont. im a trans guy with a thing for crossdressing so sometimes i have actual, legitimate euphoria vibes over just... sitting in my car and looking feminine. like "you all think im a girl but SECRETLY IM A BOY!!!" and it feels really good because like. yeah. i can look like a girl but nothing will change that i am a boy 😊😊 trans guy crossdresser again, my passing status is also really weird because i am intersex. my mustache confuses people, and that's great

That's similar to how I feel. People think I'm misgendering myself when I call myself male but it's more like I'm asserting dominance over gendered expectations lol. I'm male and I'm still a woman anyway.

thank you for your blog. a musician i really respected went super anti-transmasc recently and its really hurt, and the stuff here makes me feel like. less insane for having an issue with it

I'm really, really sorry anon. I love you a lot. <3

love that this person is calling people who believe that trans men can be oppressed "chuds", a word that is mostly used to talk about right-wing conservative men

transandro reactionaries dontcha know

"internet tough guys" still exist in 2024?????????????

Someone said something like "no one wants to fight you" and I was thinking "no actually I'm dead serious I would actually."

anyone who tries to debunk transandrophobia by throwing in "you people" has automatically lost the argument imo. but also I need to rant. as That Guy in your inbox who hangs out in bear and leather bars it makes me genuinely want to chew through the floor when people are like "oh well queer people don't demonize masculinity" GO OUTSIDE. YES THEY DO. there is a REASON fat hairy balding men tend to have our own damn spaces, because no one else will take us. FUCK.

if people want to insist that everyone around them has always recognized their soul-gender and no one is ever treated like anything but what they identify as maybe they should stop talking about what genders that aren't theirs experience

I'm a bisexual trans man who does not pass and never will pass and I have spent over 30 years of my life being told my experiences aren't real mostly by other queer people and I am so, so, so, so, SO jaded by it. I'm done. If you tell me "your lived experiences are not a real thing" then you're the villain. I can't stand it. I genuinely cannot take it anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to go and I feel so unbelievably hopeless.

Try to hang in there anon. It's okay to disengage and avoid discourse. I know it's not always possible, but there's nothing wrong with unplugging from this shit as much as you can. You have to focus on your happiness.

I love you. <3

[achoshistor]

final fantasy 7

spoilers for everything idk (ff7, remake&dlc, crisis core but only till like chapter four because thats how far i made it)

bro ive been tweaking out for like three months now. i bought the ff7 remake bc it was 50% off a few months ago and I was like I'm never gonna find a deal like this ever again (only for it to go on 50% again lmfao) but ok whatever it was literally 35 for the game and the dlc which is one million times cheaper than what splatoon 2 and octo expansion were and its ok because i can never own it physical anyways but bro I didn't even want to buy this game in the first place i was gonna buy ffxv cause i saw a clip of notcis or whatever that guys name is putting his lettuce on a nother guy's plate and i was like "wtf is final fantasy even about" SPOILER ALERT: TERRORISM like ????

i feel like i can never every play another game after finishing the remake and the intermission i bought crisis core reunion and theres literally LESS fighting in that game so far but it was also cheaper and i got it physical (after scouring ebay for two months to find a us edition because i dont want to even risk seeing things spelled in the british way because last time when that happened when I played great ace attorney 1&2 i couldn't stop spelling things in british every time i'd write an essay and then i couldnt tell what was wrong "its just an extra letter" no bro its messing up my diction) but anyways please just let me beat things up with a sword i wish people still used swords to fight then the fights would be more fair and the world would be a better place. but man sephiroth is lowkey a nice guy and the crashout was 100% valid not the killing people part but i would also crash out if i found out my mom was actually some 2000 year thingy they found in the ground. today i saw some snowflakes fall (they were the big ones) and freaked out for a second because i thought they were white feathers (I NEED TO GO OUTSIDE)

i also "finished" (AKA gave up right before the final boss) the original ff7 because i didnt want to deal with spoilers cause the main plot points should be the same anyways but i don't have enough patience to play retro games (the last one i finished was kirby super star three years ago) and they are like ten times harder than modern games too like i think i only got 10 game overs max in the remake but like one hundred million in the original and i was like at this point i dont even care anymore like we just need to beat sephiroth right? speaking of i really did think we just had to beat sephiroth and that he was just evil for the love of the game because all i knew was from that smash bros trailer but really everything is hojos and lowkey lucrecia's fault bc theyre bums like are you jealous of vincent or something how do you get a girl who's literally just broken up with this guy pregnant like no time bro literal bum activity im glad vincent was able to beat up hojo at the end. he was also my strongest party member (and had the hardest spell post out of all of them).

i was lowkey tweaking when i saw genesis cause i thought something seemed awfully familiar lo and behold hes just evil gackt. i saw a picture of some genshin character's sword and i was like holy sigma is that genesis rhaspodos but nope it was some genshin twink this is off topic but i HATE how like half of the characters in genshin look like children/teenagers and the other half are either whitewashed (brighter than printer paper) or have the most awful color scheme like unpleasant gradient just showed up to your door. i kept thinking angeal was named angelo because ive only ever met people named angelo and not angeal but so far his story seems too similar to sonons. zack = onika angeal = burgers OH his name is angeal like angel LMFAo

I barely edit my tumblr posts for coherence sorry if youre not one of my like 4 followers but anyways episode intermission gave me a genuine crash out. I was like "who is yuffie" but then i found out. yuffie is my goat. i hate fort condor and i still hate fort condor but i didnt know there was a literal fort with a condor on it. i was out of it bro i have nobody here that may hear this and i will be ashamed i genuinely couldnt pay attention to the game cuz of sonon hes so fine bro too bad he DIED bro i even felt bad for nero cause they forcefully made him shut up with that muzzle thing but as per usual he was a bum but theres no second part to the dlc (yet) 40 dollar 32 gb ram stick please find me (my computer will blow up) before rebirth comes out (my computer will blow up regardless) like watch the requirements be some esoteric classified government only processor like the ryzen 56 or intel i5412 like u gotta play it on one of those government super computers so the game doesnt lag the minute you start walking.

ok im done ive exhausted myself thank u for coming to my ted talk see u later my little minions

[dansevilpianotea]

ramble ahead about time, tatinof, 2015 and changing one's life

tatinof is very special and im so happy they did this video to acknowledge that its not cringe at all and that theyre proud of their past selves !! there's sth genuinely healing about that !! ive had a hard time in 2015 and even tho i was 12/13 and just discovered that online fan communities of things i was into were a thing and was nowhere close to the phandom (i joined after BIG), this is the fandom internet that i joined back then. thats why its so poetic that they sing 'the internet is here', because to me this is the time it started to be there for me. it wasnt always kind to me and instagram was not a great platform to start on if your bullies and other ppl from school were also on it, but it was also when for the first time ever i realised that there were not only people who liked what i liked but that those ppl also have created their own culture and community online !! i was not totally alone !! there is a life outside of school !! i would never chose to go back to that time ever like it was horrible (that applies to any time in the past tho, i hate the idea of 'going back in time' with a passion) but im glad that the internet was there for me because no one else really was if im being real with you.

more below the cut because im an insufferable yapper (dan is a terrible influence haha tit joke)

this all is maybe why i find it hard to go back to watch dnps older content and also the stuff from the tatinof era. dan's sarcastic self-hating persona and phils innocent nerd persona are both hitting a bit too close to home and i want to both cry for them and for myself. we knew nothing back then. we were lost and yet did sth we were proud of. yet here we are almost 10 years later and how the fuck did we end up here but oh my god im so proud of us. all it took for me was to watch dan's coming out video. all it took for them was to be embraced and loved by their audience (us). dan also needed a break which is something that at the time it happend was really hard for me but then i found my wonderful lovely phannie discord friends here. we really all got here together and if i ever see any single person say that dnp hate us or dan hates it or that dnp are cringe or that we are cringe etc etc i will block you so hard because what are you even doing bringing up drama when in reality dan and phil and the phandom have developed the most remarkable symbiotic relationship between artist adn fans ever. they are our dads and i honestly just want to say how fucking proud i am of them for how far theyve come and what theyve done since 2015. dan really did the whole mental health and gay thing but then he did the mental health again!! and i think ywgttn and wad need to be given more credit here because idk if you remember pre-wad dan but he wasnt anything like post wad dan. every since wad he seems so happy and genuinely authetic and in peace. (im ignoring dystopia daily here because that was filmed before wad and his dd persona also reminds me too much of 2015 depressed dan than whatever high concept he was going for lol, im just not a dd fan). like wad changed his relationship with us and its warming my entire heart when i see dan smile so much now. he deserves to be happy and proud. and if dan deserved it after going through so much and coming out on top (literally), then i deserve it too. and phil? i love how he's just so confident now. fuck. (literally). he is not the innocent nerd anymore like he actually is fully really himself now and feels comfortable in his body (crop top, phlonde, etc) and openly expressing his sexuality ! even compare this phil to phil from the beginning of the hiatus!! he got so much more confident and relaxed since then!! like fully, really, if he can do it, if he can strip himself of the persona that ppl have attributed to him because of his anxiety, then i can do that too. im so proud of phil. he is an inspiration and the more he's being himself publically with no shame, the more an autistic phannie will feel hopeful for their future. im so proud of both of them.

like its crazy you go through your life thinking you're going nowhere and never making any progress and will never reach your goals but then you stop and look back what you were like 6 months ago and realise how many lives you have lived since then. it always goes back to BIG when dan said this:

[...] I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that's it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we've dreamed of. I want anyone that's ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side.

this everyone, changed my life. and i will never be able to thank dan enough for it, no matter how much i pay for tour tickets, how often i watch their videos or share my love for them on here. i just want to mention this because its never just 'light entertainment', it means the world to many of us and we have build a wonderful and loving community despite the hardships of the past and pointless discourses of the present. like, we can change shit for ourselves because we see these gay idiots do it who have done soooo fucking much in the last 15 years like they were on radio 1 and on a hollywood billboard and hosted various big big events. and yet, they decided they want to use their time to do things for themselves and their community. they have said many times that they havent made a profit from (parts of) their tours but they do it regardless. they do really love us and i dont think ive ever really felt loved by people who i was in a fandom for like that. its really not as parasocial as it might seem anymore. we got here together and we should be proud of that. i love dnp and i love you phannies so much !! 💕💕💕💕💕

[yhwcomeback]

Heyy i really like drawings 😭 its just too awesome i wanna just eat it >:), and i just wanted to show u that u have DRAMATICALLY improved in a short span of time like, this good?! For like 3 years?? I really admired and followed u for like a year (not on this acc tho cuz privacy stuff 👹) and you have literally a so goddamn unique artsyle im jealouss like the coloring??? The lines???

I hope you don't give up on art please 😔 ill be crying if u quit 😭😭 if theres some hater out there just remember that u still have all ur other fans around the world (im literally on the other side of the world from brazil) and i WILL AND STILL LOVE UR ART <3333, hope ya dont give up and achieve ur dreams like u wanted.

And i send this message just to let u know that YOU MATTER AND DONT SAY UR ART SUCKS IS FUCKING BEAUTIFULLL <333 i love it sm, even ur first post 😭😭😭. Just remember COMPARE URSELF FROM YESTERDAY NOT OTHER PPL(cuz artists sometimes hate their art n stuff) u will always be my fav artist on this platform and i hope u have such a good day <3

-secret admirer

THIS IS LITERALLY SO SWEET! THANK YOU RANDOM PERSON! It's funny because I was looking at my old art yesteday (I have this huge folder with all of them in it lol) And I'm so happy with where I am with my art. Before I made this account I was really struggling because I was trying SO hard to get my art seen and drawing things I didn't like for the sake of it and that made me lose all my motivation to draw, but then I made this account just to post about my interests, ended up meeting some really cool people, and I kept going, took a few breaks here and there but I'm happy to say I don't force myself to draw things I don't like anymore, that genuinely every single thing I post on this account is something I am passionate about. Thank you for the kind words it really made my day! I'm glad to know people enjoy my drawings just as much as I enjoy making them❤🤍❤

[orbeater]

If i think about it RH is really so. Beginner unfriendly compared to when campus 2 was the main focus. That title screen they had for a while was so good you had the choice to go wherever you wanted so it didn't feel too overly centered on one specific realm you know. Now i rarely see people in any non campus 3 realms. The fact that Campus 3 itself is divided into servers for every different place in the school plummets any sort of opportunity to rp which was quite literally the main point of RH. How is a kid who just wants to play do princess roleplay supposed to understand anything as to where they should go when the game is majorly focused on grinding for diamonds. Campus 2 had an appeal to younger me because I just enjoyed dressing up and going to the ball after doing the classes and just dancing with people and making friends. The lack of shared spaces in the new school is the main reason why no one even talks to each other anymore

Ignoring the set prices (which are honestly so ridiculous like imagine having to farm 200k+ dims for each set), the fact they don't have a free set for beginner players like a school uniform is so stupid. There should be something that you can achieve by leveling up. Like a set related to your element which you get after completing each obby. Is that not a better way to attract people into your game.

They're focusing on building campus 4 which im glad is supposed to be more beginner friendly but the fact that barbie still hasn't bothered to hire more people and better the management is so baffling. Why can't you just make a few groups that handle certain things so the updates arent delayed by around 50 years?

I can go on and on about the problems with this game but it's genuinely not worth it when you know they are unlikely to ever change their ways and let this game reach its potential

[caffeinatedopossum]

Like idk it's probably obvious to everyone else that mental illnesses have varying severities but some part of me just really wanted to believe I could relate to everyone. Which is stupid and presumptuous of me of course but you know. I think I just didn't want to feel isolated. Of course I don't need to relate to *everyone* I'm friends with but it would be nice to have a few yknow

I'm starting to think that maybe there is a difference between simply having mental illness and being disabled by your mental illness

[arsenicflame]

its been a year now, since my dad died. i think in many ways i grieved before it ever happened, and in many others, i havent even started. it feels like its been too easy to adapt into a life without him around, without his laughter, telling him about my work day (and him being genuinely interested), his help with all my diy projects, without popping my head round the study door as he was inevitably playing free cell or something on his computer again (instead of what my mum actually wanted him to be doing). i feel like in a lot of ways i learnt more about him after he died than i did while he was here- about the man he was before, anyway. i wonder about how life would have been different if he didn't have cancer, or at least not for so long. i remember doing rock climbing with him as a kid, going on long walks over welsh hills, but i also remember how that largely stopped, and how it feels like it coincided with his diagnosis. i wonder if id have appreciated it more if it continued into my teens. hearing about all the things he did in his youth, his work with getting kids into the outdoors, the way he would pay out of pocket for kids expeditions if they couldnt afford it, it makes me feel so proud of him and also feel a desperate longing to have known that man more. maybe nothing would have been different, anyway. maybe things changed when he moved, before i was even born, i guess ill never really know, he never really talked about it properly to me, not the stories ive heard over the last year. i think thats been my dominant thought through this. i think so much of my last year has been supporting my mother, though this and with her own health issues, i havent had time to stop and think of much else. ive just had to keep going as though nothings changed. i think maybe its been too easy to adapt into a life where hes not here. i sometimes worry im doing this wrong; when other people talk about how hard it is. i think its been too easy. too easy to close up the spaces he occupied. too easy to forget the exact tone of his voice. and yet sometimes its so hard too. we did a seder this year and it wasnt the same without him. i think that was, more than anything, the moment where i missed him. it wont ever be the same ever again. nothings ever going to be the same ever again, but im glad hes not suffering anymore. those last few weeks were the hardest thing i think i will ever do. but i still miss him so so much. i wish it hadnt gone this way. im glad i got 12 years at least. im glad he got to see me grow up. i think, despite everything, he was proud of where i ended up, even if it wasnt what he probably wanted for me. i hope he was. i wish i could talk to him just one more time.

[charbles]

im gonna be super sappy on main rq dont mind me!! i just need to talk!!

Fnaf is something that is so so important to me, like im not even exaggerating, and it's not even the games anymore. I've recently game-wise i think they've lacked depth, but this isnt about that!

I feel like no matter what Fnaf does, it'll always be good to me, not because of the games themselves but because of the people in the fandom!

People here are incredibly creative and have an incredible talent of making things make sense, and theres so many unique interpretations and so much love put into everything. It genuinely doesn't matter to me what's going on in canon anymore to me.

I've met so many wonderful people in this fandom, some I've had little conversations with, and some have become my best friends, like people who i talk to daily and i deeply care about!

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your support and for sticking around here, It really really means a lot to me. I'm glad im able to contribute to the FNAF fandom as much as its contributed to my life :)

Thanks for reading, sorry for the sap on main <3

[sovawife]

tell the class all your favorite parts about sova maybe? like what made you really fall for him and all of that!

ok this also might get long i am sorry. thank u for the ask tho its nice to hvae smth to do. either way uhh lets get started

ok so i might have mentioned this but i had a small crush on him a few years ago? i think since like 2022. back then i shipped with cypher and was super fixated on him but i think sova was always in the back of my brain as a crush, although at the time i only had him as a platonic. also cuz one of my good friends who doesnt anymore used to ship with him so i didnt wanna overstep or anything.

anyways im not even sure how i suddenly decided to latch onto him, i think my fixation on yone at the time was starting to fade and my brain just randomly chose to fixate on him even tho he was still a crush at the back of my brain lol. and look where we are now/lh

as for what i like abt him, i think one of the biggest things i like is how polite he is/kind to others. i think thats like a rlly important trait in someone for me if i were like to date someone else and hes just rlly nice in general and very lovely, hes such a big sweetheart :)

also ok im gonna sound crazy here but my friends keep saying im a circle bcuz he rlly fits one of my types which is like the holy trinity of yone vergil and wyll. who are all like, responsible, serious, yet like kind and deeply caring. and sova definitely fits into that archetype haha even though hes not exactly the same?? most of those guys arent exactly the same but theres a huge overlap of similarity with them.

i do also think he is very pretty even tho he is unfortunately white/lh :') (or at least i smacked this guy with the asian beam. get wasian'd) idk i suck at explaining exactly why i like this guy, again i think a big part of it is how kind he is to others!! its again just smth i rlly value in a partner, he genuinely cares about others/esp people hes close to like his grandma. and is very thoughtful. also i like that hes super down to earth and humble like this guy is incredibly talented yet never brags about it at all hes just very modest. smug people drive me nuts so im glad hes not like that lol. he also is very passionate abt his interests like archery and also he does photography! i like to think he also does things like hiking, birdwatching and maybe some gardening in his spare time. idk its a shame we dont get too too much info about val characters although the lore is always constantly growing. i do think he does like lots of outdoorsy hobbies hes very respectful to and attuned with nature i think.

sorry this is getting so long omg. im trying to think of any last things to throw in... i think another thing i rlly love abt him is how calm he is. it kinda balances me out bcuz i tend to be a really hotheaded person but it takes a LOT for him to get bothered by something, or at least lose his temper. in the lore we've never really seen him lose his temper or anything like that? the closest it's gotten is that one image when they were releasing fade where it was like a flashback to him losing his eye and he looked super animalistic. actually i think that in general for him to get that mad or whatever it would probably have to involve one of his loved ones being in danger. which is nice bcuz it shows that he rlly cares.

anyways this is getting so long so i will cut it short but i love my wife <3

[crguang]

What the fuck that Kafka fic was so good and all of you are insane for making it, for me kafka is like all abt the yearning, she distances herself from relationships so if someone liked her she’d be very distant and vice versa, she wants to feel the one thing she can’t, and she plays an instrument and music is pretty connected w emotions and like communicating them even though she intelectulizes (? idk how to spell rn) a ton of her emotions I just ugh. Just like Kafka thinking abt r everytime she plays, her being unsatisfied w all other accompaniment, like i needed a warning or smth Also I’m finally writing the uni au like i might make a side blog or smth to post it on here, but I need the escapism rn, it’s been awful this week, like the election, genuinely what the fuck, and I’m stuck in America bc I have uni and ppl are being extra racist to me like it’s suddenly okay? And even though I just finished midterms I actually only have like a month until finals? anw sorry for venting but um am i allowed to yap abt arcane s2 on here, i mean a ton of it is me hating on Caitlyn. -🌠

youre so right about her distancing herself when she realizes she’s getting too involved thats why im obsessed with the idea of her learning that defence mechanism in response to getting hurt when she was younger, paired with her need to be great and not allowing herself too many distractions + the competitive field of classical music and the whole “distant bitchy perfectionist” persona protecting her from that as well… it all connects very well i think thats why i love this AU so bad😭 kafka communicating through music but that doesn’t mean everyone will understand what shes trying to convey, and at the same time it gets her closer to her goals and the life she wants to live so its two birds, one stone. she thinks she needs R to be the best because playing alone has left a void she can’t fill with other accomps when really that void is there because she never mourned life separating them. you know how the more you try to ignore something or restrict yourself from something, the more it obsesses you? that’s her. so successful yet so unfulfilled ugh

i’m so happy you’re writing especially since things are shit right now, having an escape is important so im glad you can forget about stuff at least for a while. i also hope you’re safe and surrounded by good people because a ton of hatred and racism, xenophobia, transphobia and misogyny has reemerged after the election results and it’s so disgusting to see. this is what trump stands for and this is why he couldn’t win, i fr cant believe he did again. i hope he croaks before january. i’m sorry you’re going through it with uni as well, i know how exhausting the month of november is for college students, hoping the rest of the semester goes by fast because i can’t do it anymore either, man.

you can yap about arcane s2 now that i’ve watched the episodes, especially if its cait hate lol this is a safe space i do not like that girl!!!

[formula-fun]

Hi!!

I’m dropping by to compliment you on your writing bc it’s all encompassing and just sucks you into the story and makes you feel the whole range of emotions. I’d be happy if I could write only half as good as you do.

But I want to highlight one thing in particular.

It’s about ‘If I had words’ (especially Max’s version). It is one of the best things I have ever read, in fan fic and published words. (I re-read after I saw Alice’s art.)

Even though (this sounds negative but I promise it isn’t!) you write omega Charles/bottom Charles it never comes off as condescending or emasculating. It feels like they are equals in your fic (equally in love, equally gone for each other, equally in charge, equally submissive/dominant) which is something I do not find often in Lestappen fics (anymore) where Charles is an exclusive bottom/omega. It’s also a reason why I can barely read omega Charles/bottom Charles anymore because in my perception a lot of depictions of Charles I find belittling and degrading.

I am aware this is not fair. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, can have their own taste in reading and writing but the negative depictions of Charles rubs me the wrong way.

Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us. I am so looking forward to the pacific rim au!! <3

hiiii thank you so much!!! <333 i really dont like comparing myself to other writers for....a lot of reasons honestly, but this is really kind!!

this fic definitely came out of a time when a lot of the men in my life were treating me like shit and i felt like i might have to just accept that this is how life is (plot twist: i did not have to accept that). i felt really angry and betrayed all the time, and i could never tell if i felt so unsafe because of something in my own head or because of the reality of the situation (again, plot twist: it was because a few people were just assholes). so long story short, the whole series is about people wading through those expectations and the shitty realities of the way people see them and realizing that in the end it doesn't change their own realities of what they themselves want and who they themselves are

and idk maybe i just project like mad onto these people jkdkjdfj but its sort of a late coming of age story as well. a lot of their relationship has to do with that part of getting older where sex and relationships stop feeling like playacting and start feeling deeper. at some point you stop loving people by imitating the way you've seen other people love, and you start loving them the way that you want to. and if that means nasty dirty slightly humiliating sex then that's great, because it's real and genuine and it's a triumph for that reason

so im glad you've picked up on all that because it's definitely central to what the entire series is about!! i want to end tho by saying i also love nasty objectifying smut and ive written a decent enough amount of it by now. i seek it out pretty regularly. i enjoy exploring these people as characters and discussing political themes, but i also enjoy reducing millionaire athletes to whimpering squirming little chew toys. a balance to life is so important

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[cheeseandbretboy]

just saw a paul dano riddler thing and no guys the 'we can make each other worse' thing or 'we can heal each other' thing is so boring me personally i like 'hey this is useless and everyone deals with it so lets deal with it who cares' and 'we went through stuff but honestly its just funny and lets be glad we get to have these struggles and not others' and 'thank god we're not that embarrassing anymore' and 'how hilarious was i back then? im glad i did that bc boy does that make me iteresting' because im ngl chat belonging is taken too serious now and i think we all should just be okay with being alone and even i cant do that without my music but hey im getting better at it and god no one is interesting no one is special literally no one everyone is exactly the same in the end we are all new people when we wake up we literally see the world that way sometimes we put too much importance on love and what type of love that is and what we GET from it well how about we just chill like luke cutforth core just relax and be no one really admit to our egos and feel them but let them pass and just work in this box but have our attitudes be against what it thinks we will have and absolutely everyone is the same we should stop thinking about our own experiences but what can we do if not that because media is also interlinked with it everything is about ourselves and im sick of it its just boring and overused and no i am happy with myself i am so comfortable and close to myself even though i am the furthest from thinking about it because its really not that interesting and i wld rather spend my time doing something that is fun and relaxing and just sit in my head with other things and experience those because its tiring thinking about myself genuinely tiring and thank god i finally feel like this because i am at peace and glad and calm and its just all so perfect now

[spiderlegeyelashes]

i'm being whiny about my friendship feelingsb

i wish the friend that im the closest to currently would recognise that im pretty, im glad they dont make fun of my appearance anymore but its weird to know someone can genuinely respect me and still find me mediocre at best. i've talked with them so many times about my feelings and my thing with feeling undesirable and the guy has never hyped me up once, never said "dude but you ARE hot", never even called me pretty, and i cannot imagine them ever using the word beautiful to refer to anything about me. and i know this isn't just what they're like, because they find their other friends hot and beautiful, and pause conversations with them just to say that they look handsome on the daily. feels weird man, this guy has never ever complimented my appearance, and like i remember when i had a talk with them about how it hurt my feelings when they made fun of how i look, of my teeth and complexion, how it made me feel like she thinks im ugly, the only positive thing she could bring herself to say about my looks is just repeating how cool and fashionable i am. which they used to say a loooottt idk and also DUH. that's obvious that's nothing groundbreaking I KNOW i dress well ANYWAY NOT THE POINT.. it's just so weird to me. i'm not used to this! usually the people i was closest to saw me as beautiful, though i am far from conventionally attractive. the people that were closest to me, that loved me, that i opened up to considered me genuinely beautiful (BECAUSE I AM!!!! I AM i'm just specific... but i really am gorgeous even if i have crooked teeth and a funny chin and deep smile lines and a moustache and sideburns and a slight stubble...), and i think that's right, because once you love someone you start to see the beautiful things about them more and more, and come on there are so many things about me that are beautiful! my hair, the strength and thickness and color of it, my eyes, their shape and color, my abundant eyelashes, my deep purple green eyebags, my strong bushy and characteristic eyebrows, my beautiful lips, the bump on my nose, the way my hair wraps around my arms like vines, my moles, my figure, the shape of my legs, the way i carry myself, GOD COME ON there are so many things about me that really are so beautiful! and i don't know how to feel about someone i care about and who cares for me not being able to see a single one of them. that even under pressure they can't seem to be able to think of a single thing they like about me. i don't know. and the fact that the only thing they could say is "what nooo i dont think ur ugly i think u dress so well!!! ur so fashionable bro!!!! and me making fun of ur teeth was supposed to be affectionate, like a funny little thing about you that means you're special to me yknow??? u know i think ur super fashionable!" and likee i get it i get that comparing me to naked mole rats or other rodents they make fun of as ugly is meant to be affectionate because haha get it i have ugly teeth, i get it whatever, i'm sure they didn't mean to be mean, and i can't fault them for it, but god something feels so wrong to me about it. around them i just feel like some silly guy, and not a fully respectable person. and we've talked about it a lot as well and they say outright that they respect me sooo much and they loove me and it's cute and i believe them but something is itching at me here. i feel like a silly character when i'm around them. but i also know that they are sincere when they say that they love and respect me. they just don't see me the way i'm used to and maybe i just need to get used to that. i don't know, i feel like i'm insane and i think i'm misunderstanding something about our friendship.

[gomzdrawfr]

Hi! I was wondering if I should send this non-anon or not, but preferred to keep my identity a secret, I guess.

Dunno why but felt like saying this after seeing your posts. I was once a shipper in the fandom, liking both canon x canon and canon x oc ships, until I saw something that made me uncomfortable with the first of the two. That is until I've reached your account.

Sure, I was cautious with ship content (not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. Just made me kinda uncomfortable after that incident) but when I let my guard down and saw some of your posts, I realized that maybe not every shipper is as....uh...y'know the type of people I'm talking about right?

All I'm saying is...thank you. Because of your adorable posts (and the balance of both types of ships [canonxcanon and ocxcanon. I love PriceRaven so much istg]), I tried to look for artists like you. Thanks to you, I can also go and try to find artists similar to yours in context of shipping. And I did and I did not regret it (even if I don't ship anymore, but it was delightful to see the things people create now that I've...healed from it?).

I'm still trying to be careful in the fandom with the things going on. But seriously though, thanks a lot! If there's one thing this fandom needs is people like you. Ones who don't cause a fuss and also knows boundaries when shipping as well. No hate, no discomfort. If people say otherwise and hate on you because of shipping content, damn them. They should be grateful if anything as you did nothing wrong and just wanted to create what you wish.

Anyway, sorry for the long ask (end up ranting. Sorry bout that). But yeah, hope you have a great day! Maybe one day, if you allow me, I could sketch out Raven? If it's alright with you.

Thank you again!

hi!! thank you for the ask and hey no worries, you're welcome to rant in my ask or share your experience

Im sorry for what you went through, fandom often do come with its uhhh moments to say the least, im glad you've healed from it and is able to enjoy things the way they are at your own pace

its definitely good to curate your own space, adjust your settings and block out on things that are uncomfortable, even though there are still some things that will definitely pop up despite the cautious measures, but hey! shit happens and the most important thing is to understand that you're not alone in this, and take a rest from the media once in awhile

Im actually really touched that you find my page a nice place to visit ((yes PriceRaven is like my bread and butter I cant live without them and will yap about them forever)) which also lead you to other artists!

im straightforward, Im okay with almost anything interest wise in the fandom (ships/dynamic/fics genre etc), if im not okay with it i'll just move on or mute/block certain words, simple as it should be.

Although people do find my angst stuff "threatening" LMAO but eh im over it pft if they dont like it then its fine let them be

as the saying goes "no matter how perfect the apple is, someone will still hate it" so fuck it yk, it is what it is (my life motto and also blog's motto HAHA)

Thank you for your message though, Im really grateful for it and im genuinely happy, enjoy your stay here

AND OFC YOU CAN DRAW MY OC RAVEN!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IT TO ME ONCE YOU DID :D (take your time ofc dont mind the excited goofball i am)

have a good day as well!!