#like from out childhoods the way we grew up how others treated up how we thought

[emlos]

.

[snoopyracing]

birds of a feather // cl16

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

word count: 30k (i know i've got issues)

warnings: google translate french and swearing

includes: friends to lovers, childhood bestfriends, soulmate au if you squint, heavy pining, and angst

summary: follows charles and the reader through childhood all the way to present day. based off of 'birds of a feather' by billie eilish.

masterlist

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five and eight

It's a hot summer day in Monaco the first time Charles meets you.

The evening sun cascaded through the windows, golden rays bouncing off the walls as the smell of his Mother's baking wafted through the house. Charles' legs soon carried him into the kitchen and to his delight he found her oven-mitt clad hand pulling out a tray from the oven. His eyes widen when he sees what it is, it's one of his favorite sweet treats; cookies. His Mother spots him as she turns to set them on the counter. "Bonjour chéri!"

Charles doesn't answer, he's too focused on the cookies. He knows she won't let him have one, it's too close to dinner time, but he could probably sneak one when she had her back turned. So when she goes to put something back in the fridge he knows this is his chance, but he's not fast enough. His little hand barely hovers over one of the cookies before his Mother is gently smacking it away.

"No Charles! They are for the Y/L/N's." She hands him a stack of plates, motioning towards the table. "Now go set the table, s'il te plaît." Charles whines about it not being fair before stomping towards the table.

All day the only topic of conversation in the Leclerc household was about how an old family friend was to be moving back to Monaco today. Charles and Arthur had no idea who the man their Father spoke so highly about was, but Lorenzo mentioned something about him being their "uncle", but not really their uncle. Something that at only eight years old, confused Charles.

Even during dinner it seems like his Father mentions their "uncle" somehow during every conversation. Between the constant talk of this mystery man and the cookies sitting feet away from him Charles thinks tonight's dinner is the longest dinner of his life. He can see them sitting there, the cookies taunting him the whole time he tries to eat the unpleasant brussel sprouts on his plate. He hears his Father mention their "uncle" again and his attention is brought back to the conversation. "Papa. Is he really our uncle?" Charles asks as he shoves around the food on his plate with his fork.

"Ah, no. I mean he practically is, but not by blood. He is a very old friend of mine. We grew up together, but he moved to America around nine years ago." He pauses for a moment, eyes flickering between Charles and Arthur. "I hate that Arthur and you don't know him, but he's back now, so hopefully you boys will see him as an uncle like Lorenzo does. Plus, their house is just down the street, so I'm sure we will be spending lots of time with each other."

All Charles can do is nod at him, he isn't sure that he can call this random man "uncle", but for his Father he will try to like him as much as he clearly does.

Dinner is over shortly after their conversation, with a little help from his Father's impatience to go see his old friend. And before Charles can try and sneak a cookie again they are out the door, the cookies held securely in his Mother's hands, heading to their "uncles" house.

Charles realizes his Father wasn't lying when he said their house was just down the street, in fact it's only a block away. He's surprised his Father wasn't dragging them here earlier today with how close it is.

His Father knocks on the door and after a moment a man answers."Hervé!” 

"Y/D/N!"

The two men embrace each other, big smiles plastered on both of their faces. "If it was up to me we would have been over as soon as you guys arrived earlier today, but Pascale insisted we give you guys a little time to settle in."

"Oh nonsense. You're fine." The man steps aside, motioning for everyone to come in. "Come on in. Don't mind the million boxes scattered around."

"It's a beautiful home." Pascale states as she glances around.

"Merci."

The man's eyes wander to Charles and his brothers. His arms extend towards Lorenzo and the two of them hug, the man tousling Lorenzo's hair as they pull away. "Dieu te regarde! You're practically a man!"

Lorenzo can only laugh at the man, whose attention is now on the two youngest Leclerc boys. He crouches down so he's at eye level with them. "Bonjour. I don't think we have met yet. I'm Y/D/N, a very old friend of your Papa's." His hand reaches out for Charles to shake. "You must be Charles."

Charles gently takes Y/D/N's hand and shakes it, something he's seen his Father do hundreds of times. "I am. How did you know?"

A smirk plays at Y/D/N's lips. "When your Papa and I speak, he loves to talk about his boys. Even the ones I didn't get the pleasure of meeting until now." His attention now moved to the youngest Leclerc. "Like you little Arthur." Little giggles came from Arthur as the man pinched his cheek.

"Are we going to get to meet the other members of your family Y/D/N?" Pascale asks.

"Patience still isn't your strong suit, is it Pascale?" The man teases as he leads them towards the kitchen.

As they enter the kitchen they find a woman with an American accent putting away dishes into the cabinets. From what Charles can gather from the conversation the adults are having is that their "uncle" met his wife while on business in America. They fell in love and he ended up moving there to be with her. They got married and had a daughter. He wanted to raise her here so they decided to move back to Monaco.

"Guess you should all meet the reason we moved huh? Y/N! Ma chérie come here!" Y/D/N yells.

And here you came, barreling into the kitchen, not knowing that there were five strangers standing there until it was too late. Cheeks turning pink as you hid behind your Mom's legs. "This shy little thing is our daughter, Y/N."

Pascale's face lit up at the sight of you. "Oh tu n'es pas une poupée? She's beautiful you two!" She glances over at your parents then back to you. "You look to be around the age of my two youngest boys, no?" She squats down so the two of you are eye level as you peak around your Mom's legs. "How old are you?" As you lifted your hand, little fingers all stood up straight indicating that you were five, Pascale smiled. 

"Oh, that's the same age as my Arthur." She points towards the smallest boy, who's dirty blonde hair almost covered his eyes. She then points to the slightly taller boy in the middle, his soft blue eyes watching his Mom intently. "That is Charles, he's a little older than Arthur and you. He's eight." Then she finally points to the obviously very older son. "And that is Lorenzo, he's a lot older. It makes me feel old to say this but he's eighteen!"

Your shyness somehow slowly got chipped away by Pascale and you were now standing beside your Mom, not behind her. "Go on baby. Say hi to them." You Mom encouraged as she brushed your hair out of your face.

Even if you had braved coming out from behind your Mom's legs, the idea of talking to these strangers still scared you. You looked over to your Dad who stared back at you, a smile on his face and a slight nod in your direction told you everything was going to be okay.

"Hi." You said meekly.

The two younger boys gave you a small wave in return.

The adults had started to converse, leaving the kids to stand there awkwardly. Not knowing each other well to be the one to initiate conversation or play.

Your Mom had noticed the quietness between you and the boys, and your constant presence by her legs. "Why don't you kids go play out back? The house luckily came with a playset that is begging to be played on." She pulled open the sliding door, motioning for the kids to go outside.

Arthur was the first to run outside, he was practically already at the door when he heard the word playset. His little legs were already running up the slide by the time Charles and you had exited the house.

You watched your feet drag across the grass as you swung back and forth on the swing. Your Dad's voice playing in your head as you heard Charles and Arthur's laughter echo through the hot summer air.

"I know this is a big change for you mon amour. But I promise, we wouldn't have made this big move if your Maman and I didn't think it wouldn't have been a good idea. It may take some time for you to adjust, but knowing you, in a couple weeks you'll probably be more of a Monégasque than me!"

"I'm only half though. How could I be more than you Papa?" Tiny giggles escaping you as you gave your Father a questioning look.

"Anything is possible chérie! Plus you remember me talking about your uncle Hervé? Well, he has two boys that are around the same age as you. And I'm positive you three will become the bestest of friends like we were at that age in no time. When your Uncle Hervé and I were younger people would always say "Wherever there is a Y/L/N there is a Leclerc" and I'm sure it will live on through you three."

As you watched the two Leclerc boys chase each other through the yard, you knew your Dad would want you to get up and go join them. He seemed so excited at the idea of you and the boys being friends and you didn't want to disappoint him, but at only five years old, your shyness overruled the majority of your decisions.

Charles, even though he was playing with his brother, had noticed how you hadn't left the swing since coming outside. He tried to put himself in your shoes, he couldn't even imagine what it would be like to move halfway across the world.

What it would be like to leave everything you've ever known behind and move to a country that is nothing like the one you'd spent your whole life in so far. Even if your Father was from here and technically Monaco is as much of your home as America ever was, he knows that at least right now, this place means nothing to you.

So, being the empath that he is, Charles decides that it's his mission to make you feel at home. To make you realize that Monaco has been your home all along. That if he was you right now, all he would want is for someone to befriend him, make him feel less alone. His first step; asking you to play.

His skinny frame soon occupies the empty swing next to you, hands gripping the chains as he barely moves back and forth. His feet mimicked yours, dirt and grass staining his white sneakers.

"Hi." Charles watched as your head perked up at his voice. Your doe eyes timidly looking over at him like you weren't sure if he was speaking to you.

"Hi."

"Do you wanna play with Arthur and me?" Charles hopes you don't run back inside after hearing his question, but when your face lights up, head nodding enthusiastically, his worries dissipate. You were just so glad that he had come over and asked you, because you would have sat there on that swing all evening if he hadn't.

In a matter of minutes your shyness and worries about upsetting your Father were replaced with bouts of laughter as Arthur and you ran from Charles. Gleeful screams and giggles filled the evening air as the three of you played and for the first time since getting told you were moving you felt carefree.

The loud laughter and yelling had gotten the attention of the adults and as they watched their children play through the sliding glass door they couldn't wipe the smiles off their faces.

"That didn't take long did it?" Your Mom felt a relief wash over her. At only five years old she knew this move was going to be hard on you, and she wished they could have just stayed in America. But who was she to deprive you of experiencing the life that was quite literally half of you. Deprive her husband of seeing his little girl experience the same things he did as a child.

And as she watched the way the three kids played together she knew it was the right decision. For you to come out of your shell so quickly meant that maybe things weren't going to be so bad here after all.

"Of course it didn't." Your Dad stood behind your Mom, his hand on her shoulder as he watched his little girl laugh and run around. "Because wherever there is a Y/L/N-"

"there is a Leclerc." Hervé finished, an equally big smile on his face.

The painting of orange and pink hues that filled the evening sky told everyone that the sun was making her farewell for the day. Though, that didn't stop you and the boys from still playing and eventually as the colorful painting turned to a star filled sky you all were called inside.

Rosy cheeks and sweaty foreheads adorned all three of your faces as you clambered into the kitchen. "Looks like you kids had fun." Pascale had grabbed the cookies off the counter, but as she opened the lid to offer the kids one, she had a better idea. "How about some ice cream?" Charles' eyes lit up at the mention of ice cream. He loved cookies, but his one true love was ice cream. "I think the place down the road is still open."

And with an unspoken agreement, they are all out the door and headed towards the ice cream shop. Charles and you walk side by side with Arthur trailing behind the two of you. His complaints about being left out falling on deaf ears as Charles tells you about how good the ice cream place is.

The walk isn't a long one and before you realize it, you've arrived. The sickeningly sweet smell hits you as soon as you walk through the door, and your short legs carry you towards the counter, not paying mind to any sort of line that was already formed. Your face was practically pressed against the glass as you looked at all the flavors to choose from. But even with flavors like triple chocolate or strawberry or peanut butter cup. You always go with your tried and true; vanilla.

Charles and Arthur had joined you, faces as equally as close to the glass as yours.

"You think Maman will let me try them all?" Arthur asks, mouth practically watering at the sight in front of him.

"I don't know about that." You recognize your Dad's voice behind you. "You guys tell me what you want and then go wait at the table outside with Lorenzo." The three of you reluctantly turn away from the ice cream and when Arthur tells your Dad he wants mint, Charles and you share a disgusted look. "Ok mint for Arthur, what about you two?"

"Vanilla!" Comes out of both Charles and your mouth. Big smiles spread across your faces as you realize you both said the same thing.

"No way that's my favorite flavor!" Charles exclaims.

"Mine too!"

By the time your Dad comes outside with the ice cream Charles and you had established that; vanilla was the best flavor of ice cream ever, blue was your favorite color, red was his, you both loved dogs, and that he wanted to be a Formula 1 driver when he grew up. You didn't really know what that was, you think you had heard your Dad talking about it or watching it before, but the way Charles talked about it, it seemed like it was something big.

After many brain freezes and Arthur trying to make Charles and you try his mint ice cream, the night was coming to an end. The walk back home was filled with talks of things that you guys had to do this summer, according to Charles, and about how tonight would not be the last trip to the ice cream shop.

As you arrived at your house the grownups said their farewells and goodnights, while you gave everyone a simple wave goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow!" Charles yelled as you entered the front door, and all you could do was yell back.

"Ok!"

And Charles wasn't lying, you did see him the next day, and the day after that. In fact, any free day that you or the youngest Leclerc boys had were spent in each other's company that summer. By the time school started back up the three of you were inseparable. 

The idea of starting at a new school in a different country while knowing no one scared you, so you were glad to have Arthur with you in class and just knowing Charles was in the building made you feel more at ease. Any worries you had about moving to Monaco had dissipated and Charles had just somehow knew that he had accomplished his mission of making you feel at home. It may have taken him all summer, but you were practically family at this point to him.

So when he heard from Arthur about a couple boys in your class not being the friendliest towards you, something about you being an annoying American, he knew he had to defend you.

Charles fortunately had caught them in the act one day. Your cheeks slightly damp and eyes red told Charles it wasn't just them saying you were annoying. You wouldn't tell him what they said to you, but that didn't stop him from telling the boys off. It didn't take much for them to run off, heck Charles could have just stared at them and they probably would have darted, him somewhat forgetting they were probably only five or six, but still there was no reason for them to be mean to you.

Charles wiped away your tears before pulling you in for a hug. "They shouldn't bother you anymore, but if they ever do come tell me. You know you've always got me and Arthur and if it gets bad enough I guess we could tell Lorenzo." The mention of the oldest Leclerc boy made you giggle and Charles was so happy to see a smile on your face again. "You've always got me Y/N, we've got each other. I promise." He held out his pinky finger towards you and you hooked yours around his, officially sealing the promise

And from that moment on, you two always did have each other.

 ten and thirteen

Five years had passed since you first met Charles, and in those five years your bond only grew stronger. Not only with each other, but with each other's families too. To Pascale you were the daughter she always wanted and your Dad treated the Leclerc boys like his sons. It was like you guys filled in the missing pieces in each other's families.

Multiple scrapbooks were filled over the years with memories that would last a lifetime. Pictures of the joint family vacations that were taken every year, first and last day of school pictures, birthdays, and major milestones all filled the pages.

Looking back now your Mom could have kicked herself for ever second guessing the decision to move. Clearly this was where you guys were supposed to be, where you were supposed to be. Everything just felt right. It felt like home.

A new thing that had become a part of your life in the past five years was karting. No, you didn't drive them, but Charles and Arthur did. So, that meant it was now a part of you. Multiple weekends were spent going to watch them race, the smell of exhaust and the sound of the engines were ingrained into your brain, but you had grown fond of it.

Although, in the last couple years Charles had started to take karting very seriously. You knew his dream was to be an F1 driver, and you knew (from him teaching you everything about it one day) how much dedication it took from a young age to get to the top. So, over the last year, when almost every weekend he was busy, you tried not to take it to heart.

Unfortunately for Arthur, this year his family had decided to focus solely on Charles' career for the time being, as karting was expensive, and having two boys doing it was just not something they could swing. But with Charles busy and Arthur now free it was almost like the boys had flip flopped positions in your life.

Between the two youngest Leclerc boys it was always very obvious that you gravitated more towards Charles, the two of you having a bond that many didn't understand, especially considering your age gap.

Three years isn't crazy per say, but at the age you two are right now it's a little different. Charles is thirteen, officially a teenager, while you're still only ten. Two very different stages in kids' lives, and sometimes recently it seemed like Charles was moving on, or growing up, and you worried that he wouldn't want to spend time with you anymore. Because really what thirteen year old wants to willingly hang out with a ten year old? You know you wouldn't want to hang out with a seven year old. 

But the slight gap that Charles was currently leaving in your life, Arthur had no problem filling it in.

During the school year you spent basically all your time with Arthur, being in the same grade and him not dedicating all his time to karting at the moment was a big contributing factor. You still saw Charles, but nearly as much as you used to. He had moved up to secondary school a year or so ago and unfortunately Arthur and you were still in your last year of primary school. So your time to see Charles was limited to his rare free weekends and sometimes after school. 

You had thought come summer time you would be able to see him more and were banking on your annual family vacation, but you were wrong. In fact, you barely even saw Arthur this summer. They were so busy with Charles karting it was like they didn't even live in their home. And when they were home your family was busy doing something.

The annual family vacation had to be canceled and you had basically gone the whole summer without seeing them. That was until today, two weeks before school started, when you came downstairs to see Charles and Arthur sitting on your couch talking to your Dad, who was sitting in a chair opposite of them.

"Ah, there she is." Your Dad had spotted you from the doorway. "They've come to steal you."

Rounding the side of the couch you were now stood in front of the two boys. Arthur was the first to jump up from the couch, his arms squeezing you into him, the two of you slightly swaying back and forth as giggles escaped past your lips. "Tu m'as manqué aussi Arthur."

As Arthur finally let you go your eyes fell on the middle Leclerc boy, who was still sat on the couch. "Charlie." The nickname you had given him that first summer had still stuck around five years later. It fell off your tongue with ease, basically second nature for you at this point. He never minded when you called him that, in fact sometimes he preferred it, but god forbid anyone else call him that.

You could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, dimples peaking out as he tried to resist it more. As he stood up from the couch he finally let it free, the corners of his eyes crinkled and dimples on full display as he wrapped his arms around you. You noticed you guys weren't almost the same height anymore, your head hit at about his shoulder now. Had he gotten taller since the last time you saw him? There was no way he had grown that much in almost two months, but yet the proof was standing right infront of you.

"Tu m'as manqué." Charles stated as he pulled away from the hug.

"I figured you'd have your kart seat stuck to you when I saw you again."

"Well when that seat becomes an F1 seat, I know who will be the last person I invite to a race."

You wedged yourself between the two brothers on the couch as you rolled your eyes at Charles. "Yeah I won't need an invite because I'll have a permanent paddock pass." You weren't even sure if such a thing as a permanent paddock pass existed, but when Charles makes it into Formula 1, you had better have one.

"No doubt about it." Charles states, which gets him a smile from you in return.

"So what was Papa talking about? You guys are stealing me?"

"We've got something fun planned." Charles had a small smile on his face as he made eye contact with you. And as you stared back at him you noticed something else that had changed in the past two months, his hair. It was shaggy and almost covered his eyes if he didn't have it pushed to the side. You were surprised Pascale hadn't made him cut it yet, or that she hadn't snuck into his room at night and at least trimmed the hair around his face. It was just another sign of how long it had been since you'd seen each other.

You glanced over at your Dad, unsure of what "fun" they had planned, but he was no help. "What is it?"

"It's a surprise." Charles had stood up from the couch, eyes staring back down at you. "Well come on. We don't have all day."

"Be careful! Je t'aime!" Your Dad hollered as the three of you walked out the door.

"Je t'aime aussi!" You hollered back.

The warm sun beat down on you as you walked the familiar streets of Monaco, following the two boys in front of you. Your insistent pleas of wanting to know where you were going were ignored. And it didn't take long for you to just start guessing random places, which were all met with groaned no's from the boys.

Thankfully you guys had arrived at your destination because you were running out of places to name, but the place you were standing in front of was not where you had expected to end up. Though truly you should have known better.

"Did you guys really just bring me here to watch you two drive go-karts?" Of course they brought you to the track. It wasn't like you didn't like watching them race or even just screw around on the karts, but as of recently it was the one thing that was keeping Charles away from you. It just would have been nice to do something that didn't involve karting.

"We aren't the ones who are going to be driving them." Arthur's devious little smile on his face tells you everything you need to know.

"I don't think that's safe, and don't we need an adult with us?" So perhaps you were slightly scared at the idea of driving – no you were actually more worried than scared. You didn't want to seem like an idiot because you didn't know what to do or wreck and make a fool of yourself. That little shy five year old girl was slowly creeping back in as Arthur and Charles practically dragged you inside.

"The adult is already here." Charles points at Lorenzo who's filling out paperwork at the front counter. "I think it's time for you to learn, no?" Your eyes focus on Lorenzo, praying as an adult he has enough sense to not let this happen. But it was no use, he had already handed the worker the paperwork and was walking towards you with a bunch of gear in his hands.

"No chickening out this time petite soeur. Today is the day." Lorenzo stated.

Before you can even protest anymore Lorenzo is handing you all this stuff to put on, arms overflowing as you stare at him wide-eyed. "Do I really need all of this for" you glance over at the track then back at Charles "an indoor track?"

"Safety first Y/N. Plus you need to have the full karting experience." His dimples on display as he gives you a reassuring smile, that somehow works wonders on you, because you're putting on all the gear without him even asking. "Oh wait you're gonna need this." He slides a hair tie off his wrist and hands it over to you. His action put a smile on your face as you quickly tied your hair back.

It was something Charles had done for a couple years now, always having a hair tie on him. You were always pushing your hair out of your face or complaining about it being hot and of course you never had a hair tie with you. So, he just started wearing one on his wrist, so when you eventually needed one, he was there to provide.

With your gear on you guys walked over towards one of the karts and you made sure to listen intently as Charles explained how to work everything.

You slipped the helmet on and sat down in the kart, praying that you could remember what Charles had told you. "You've got this. Just remember what I said and we will be right here if you need us. I’ll be right here. I promise." Charles holds out his pinky finger, the familiar gesture between the two of you meant much more than just a simple promise. And as you hook your finger around his, you know it's going to be okay. "Please be careful. I think your Papa will have my head if you come back with even just a scratch." Lorenzo says as he double checks that you're strapped in well enough.

"I'll be fine."

You gave Charles one last final glance, who stood there giving you a thumbs up, before pressing your foot down on the accelerator. At first you were going so slow, scared that if you went too fast you were gonna wreck. But as you completed a couple laps you started to feel more comfortable and the cheers from the boys helped you out too.

"Floor it!" Arthur yells as you pass by on another lap.

You were really starting to have fun, so you listened to Arthur and pressed the pedal all the way down on the next straightaway. You felt like you were flying, but what you didn't know was that they had put you in the slowest kart, so you really weren't going as fast as you thought you were.

After a couple more laps Charles stood by the starting line, waving the checkered flag, a cheesy grin on his face as you passed by him. As the kart came to a stop you understood why they loved karting so much, it wasn't just fun, it was exhilarating, addicting, you already wanted to go again.

The boys surrounded the kart as you undid the straps and climbed out. As you took off the helmet you couldn't wipe the grin off your face. "Looks like you might have some competition Charles." Lorenzo teases.

Charles ignored his big brother's teasing and shifted his focus back to you. He had felt bad about not seeing you all summer and in all honesty not that much over this past year. But things in his life were changing, karting was becoming a much bigger deal, and he was winning, like a lot. He knew things were only going to go up from here. And as much as he loved racing, and god did he love it, he breathed it he dreamt it, racing was in his blood. There just weren't many times anymore where he felt like a thirteen year old, like a kid. It sometimes felt like he was missing out on things.

But Charles knew that when he came home from a busy weekend or practically a whole summer filled with racing, that things would always be the same at home. His Mom would always make spaghetti on Tuesday nights, you had to jiggle the handle on the gate to the backyard to get it to open, if you went into the ice cream shop on a Thursday night when the owner wasn't there you'd get extra ice cream, the lady across the street will yell at your for playing in the street, and you will always be a couple houses down. 

He knew that when he was around you that he could feel like a kid again. Sure, he had made plenty of friends through racing, but it seemed like all their conversations always somehow revolved or ended up referring to racing. Which wasn't a bad thing, because of course Charles loved racing. But sometimes he just wanted to talk about video games or other sports, or just something random. And he could do that with you.

Now granted, for someone who wanted to have a little break from racing before school started, you'd think he wouldn't be back at a track the first chance he got. But Charles had wanted to teach you how to kart for years, but each time he had mentioned it you chickened out. So he had finally gotten the nerve, with a little help from Lorenzo and Arthur, to just force you to learn.

He knew you'd do a good job, he never had a doubt. It was just your worries that prevented you from learning earlier. He knew you had grown to love the sport, from tagging along to some of his races, or how you can't wait for the Monaco grand prix every year, not to mention how glued you are to the TV when his free weekends and the F1 schedule line up. So, somehow in his own weird way, Charles knew you'd be a natural.

"You did do a good job, I'm proud of you." Charles flashes you a smile as you guys exit the track.

"Merci Charlie." You quickly shed all the gear and handed it back to Lorenzo. "I don't know why you guys didn't teach me earlier. That was so much fun. I see why you guys love it so much."

"Don't act like we haven't tried for years to get you to learn." Charles teases. "We basically just had to force you today."

Memories of all the past failed attempts at teaching you how to kart flooded your mind. The one time you hid in the bathroom claiming to be throwing up, the time you 'tripped' on your way into the building and said you sprained your ankle, or the many times you just flat out refused. So maybe them forcing you was for the better, because you wouldn't have taken the initiative on your own to learn.

"Whatever. At least I finally learned."

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The walk back to your house was filled with Charles filling you in on his exciting karting filled summer. From the new friends he had made to the races he had won, he didn't spare any detail. And you just walked beside him, listening to his every word, grateful to just have him back around. Arthur would pipe in occasionally to contradict something Charles had said, fulfilling his little brother duties. And as the three of you traveled through the principality, the summer sun high in the sky, you wished every day could be like this.

The fragrant jasmine shrubs that lined the sidewalk told you guys that you were close to home. "You guys wanna stay for dinner? It's Friday which means Mom's making something pasta related."

Charles would never turn down a Friday night dinner at your house and so he had no trouble in accepting your invitation. Arthur declined, stating that he was going to hang out with some of his other friends, and Lorenzo had split from you guys at the track. Which meant it was just Charles and you, which was fine with you.

The smell of your Mom's famous red sauce, that she swore had to cook for at least half the day, filled your nostrils as you walked through the door. "Mom! Papa! I’m home!"

"In the kitchen!" You heard your Mom shout.

You found your Mom furiously stirring something on the stove as Charles and you sat at the island counter directly in front of her. She tore her attention away from her cooking just long enough to notice Charles was with you. "Well look who's back! I hope you're staying for dinner?" A big smile accompanied her words as she spoke to Charles.

"Of course, you know I love Friday pasta nights."

"Well it's still gonna be a little bit until everything is ready, so if you kids are hungry grab a little snack or something." Her attention was already back to the bubbling pot in front of her before she had finished speaking.

Charles' stomach had been growling the whole walk home, and now sitting here smelling your Mom's cooking had it growling even more. So, he took up her offer and grabbed two tangerines from the bowl of fruit on the counter. Without even thinking about it, he peeled the first one and handed it over to you.

"You're spoiling her by peeling that for her Charles." Your Dad stated as he walked into the kitchen.

Charles shrugged at your Dad's comment as he continued to peel his own tangerine. "I don't mind it. I know she doesn't like to peel them and it's really not a big deal to me. So I guess as long as I'm around she won't have to."

You never gave a second thought about Charles peeling your fruit for you. He's done it ever since you expressed your dislike for peeling them years ago. To you it wasn't you being spoiled, it was just your best friend doing something nice for you. You gave Charles a smile as you popped another piece of the tangerine in your mouth. "Merci Charles." As you looked back towards your parents, you caught them staring at each other, eyebrows slightly raised, and smiles on their faces. "What?" You questioned.

"Oh nothing sweetie." Your Mom answered, attention turning back to the food. She knew you'd figure it out eventually.

The topic of conversation during dinner was all about karting. Your parents wanted to know all about Charles' wins and if anything exciting had happened during any of his races. Charles truly was like a son to them, granted all three of the Leclerc boys were, but you knew Charles was their favorite. They sat there listening intently as he told them everything and your Dad gave him nothing but praises back.

"You're gonna do great things Charles. I just know it."

And finally when Charles changed the conversation to how he finally taught you how to kart, your Dad though first worried at the idea of you getting hurt, was ecstatic to hear that you were quite good and that you enjoyed it. Your Mom didn't like the idea at all, the sour look on her face told you everything. "I can barely handle watching Charles, let alone my baby."

"I was the only one on the track, Mom. Plus it was just for fun, you don't have to worry about me doing the real thing. I really was not as good as Charles says I was." You tried to reassure her, but she still didn't seem pleased.

"Maybe it will help to know that we put her in the slowest kart." Charles chimed in.

Your head whipped to the right of you, where Charles was sat. "You put me in the slowest one?! You really thought I’d be that bad?"

"It was your first time! You were nervous as is, let alone putting you in a fast one."

A scoff came from you. "I feel cheated out of a real experience."

"Well, the slowest is fine with me. In fact, how do we find one slower than the slowest?" Your Mom inquired, nothing shy of a serious look on her face.

As dinner came to an end Charles and you helped clean up and then ventured out back. The sun had just set, allowing for dusk to settle in, the remnants of the sunset still lingering in the sky. The two of you found yourselves on familiar territory, the swings. The metal chains had slightly rusted over the years, but still held strong as the two of you swayed back and forth on them.

Silence fell between the two of you as you tried to figure out how to talk to Charles about the thing that had been subconsciously bothering you for a while. 

Him forgetting about you. 

He had his head down, staring at his feet as he slowly swung back and forth on the swing. "Charles?" He lifted his head at the sound of your voice, blue eyes slightly covered by his shaggy hair.

"Yeah?"

Your hands gripped the chains tighter as you stilled your movements, feet planted firmly in the worn patch of grass. "I need you to make me a promise."

He had copied your actions, even going as far as turning slightly to face you as he spoke. "For what?"

"I need you to promise that you won't forget about me. That when you make it into F1 and become super famous that you won't think I'm some loser. Or even when you move up to F3, just please promise me you won't forget about me."

Charles frowned at your words, never in a million years would he forget about you, or think you were a loser. He didn't want to get into F1 to become famous, yeah it was a perk of the job, but he wanted a seat in F1 because he loved racing, and it meant that he was one of the best in the world.

He held out his pinky finger towards you. "Do you remember what I said to you when those boys were teasing you during your first year here?" You shook your head, the memory replaying in your mind. "That you’ve always got me and I’ve always got you. So that means I don't think I could ever forget about you Y/N, whether I make it into F1 or not. And If I do, I'm gonna need my number one supporter there by my side aren't I? So I promise I won’t forget you."

A big smile spread across your face at his words and as you hooked your pinky finger around his, you knew the promise was true.

But what you didn't know was that sometimes promises are broken.

thirteen and sixteen

Thirteen is a very weird year for you. 

It’s not puberty or the ever revolving drama that comes with being thirteen that is making it a weird year. It’s the embarrassingly painful crush you’ve got on Charles. 

It’s a cliche really, having a crush on the cute older boy you’ve grown up with. 

And one might ask why is it embarrassing? For starters, you can’t be around him for more than five minutes without turning into a blushing mess. He stares at you for longer than a second? Game over. He smiles at you? Done for. He laughs at something you said? You’re dead. 

He doesn’t know he’s turning your thirteen year old brain into mush just by simply existing and it’s embarrassing to even think about him knowing that. 

On the other hand, it’s painful. You’re thirteen and he’s sixteen, once again at very different stages in life. And you know that he doesn’t like you back, that he only sees you as a little sister, but it still hurts. It hurts because you’re thirteen and you think that you’re mature for your age and you honestly think why wouldn’t he like you back. It’s something almost every young girl goes through, and unfortunately it’s happening to you with someone you are very close with. 

Yes, you had always thought he was cute, but that's because he was. That fluffy brown hair, long thick eyelashes that adorned his pretty eyes, his dimples, the little crinkles by his eyes when he smiled. Okay– so maybe that's how you would describe him now, but still, he was a cute kid also, there was no denying that. 

 But if you really had to figure out when you realized you had a crush on Charles it had to have been this past Christmas.   

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The holidays in Monaco were somewhat different than the few years you remembered back in America. You had stopped celebrating Thanksgiving after your Mom’s failed attempt at trying to make a Thanksgiving dinner your first year here. It wasn’t that your Mom was a bad cook, it was that it was somewhat hard to find everything needed for a Thanksgiving dinner in Monaco. And as hard as your Mom tried to make it work, it just wasn’t the same without that damn Ocean Spray cranberry sauce. 

So to make up for not celebrating Thanksgiving your family truly went all out for Christmas. The couple Christmases that you could remember back in America were nothing shy of magical, but ever since moving to Monaco, your family took Christmas very seriously. There was no denying that part of your household was American, because every year your house looked like it came straight out of a cult classic Christmas movie. Like Kevin McCallister or Clark Griswold had taken up residence in Monaco for the holidays. 

It wasn’t just the outside that was decorated, the inside was just as festive and of course the tree was the main focal point. It was a busy tree, your Mom never liked an aesthetically pleasing tree, it was sentimental or nothing to her. Ornaments that were passed down on her side of the family, ones you had made in school, and some you had gotten after moving all had a home on the tree. 

And as if decorating wasn’t enough for your family, your traditions were even more of a big deal. The most important one to you though was making cookies on Christmas Eve. Mainly because Arthur and Charles had been doing it with you since your first Christmas in Monaco. 

Christmas music played on the record player in the living room, the sound traveling into the kitchen as your Mom and you made sure you had everything ready to bake. You were in your own little world, picking out your favorite cookie cutters and humming along to Wham!’s Last Christmas when you heard your Mom speak up. “You’re just in time Charles.” 

Your eyes moved away from the pile of cookie cutters up to the garland decorated doorway where Charles was standing. A smile slowly crept its way onto your face as the two of you made eye contact. He looked cozy, the sweater he had on was slightly oversized and his hair had a messy fluffy look to it. 

You watched as he talked to your Mom, she was surely talking to him about racing, and he would always gladly answer her questions, as she was nothing shy of a second Mom to him. The longer you stared at him, you could feel your heartbeat quickening. And a feeling was arising in you that you had only ever experienced with a boy in your class a year or so ago.  Though, the feeling didn’t last long, you had caught him picking his nose, and with that went away any feelings you had towards him. 

You didn’t even want to think about the word that was happening right now, the idea of it only making your heart race even faster. You tore your eyes away from Charles and noticed that the youngest Leclerc brother was missing, so you blamed your rapid heart beat and surely pink cheeks on that.

You cleared your throat and tried to gather yourself before speaking. “Where’s Arthur?” 

Charles' attention was torn away from your Mom over to you. He pursed his lips, he didn’t know how to say nicely that Arthur said that baking Christmas cookies was for little kids, and he wasn’t a little kid anymore. He let out a sigh before speaking. “He’s not coming, he said he’s too old to be baking cookies.”

“But its-” 

“I know. I told him that it’s tradition and that you would be upset, but he wasn’t budging. So you’re stuck with just me.” 

It annoyed you that Arthur had bailed on you. There was no such thing as being too old to bake cookies, he was just being a jerk. And as far as you were concerned, he’s not allowed any of the cookies when your families have Christmas together tomorrow evening. 

On the bright side you get to have some one on one time with Charles, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise– Arthur bailing on you. You picked up the recipe card from the counter, waving it around in the air. “Well let’s get to work then.” 

Charles is at your side in an instant, rolling up the sleeves of his sweater as he waits for further instruction. 

“Do you think you kids can handle doing it by yourselves this year? I’ve got some last minute gifts that need to be wrapped.” Your Mom inquired, hopeful that you wouldn’t burn the house down on Christmas Eve. 

You didn’t even look up at her, eyes focused on the recipe in front of you, this was clearly something you took seriously. “Yes Mom.” 

Without a word she was gone, leaving Charles and you to your own devices. 

You can feel Charles peering over your shoulder. He’s practically right up against your side and you can feel the soft material of his sweater on your arm. All you can smell is his cologne, something he had started to use within the last year or two, thankfully moving on from the Axe body spray phase. And you’re trying not to make this seem like a big deal, because it’s truly not, but something has shifted in your thirteen year old brain. The same brain being scrambled by him right now, and you think you’ve read the damn recipe card at least ten times now. 

“Did you forget that the recipe is in American measuring terms?” Charles asks. The recipe was your Grandma’s and your Mom had never been bothered to convert it to the metric system. 

“Nope, just double checking everything.” You force a smile as you set down the recipe card and grab a mixing bowl. You added all the ingredients and made Charles do all the labor, which meant he had to mix it and then roll out the dough. 

You dug through the pile of cookie cutters looking for Charles favorite one. “Herree it isss.” You spoke in a sing songy voice as you held up the cookie cutter to Charles. His favorite in question? A penguin with a Santa hat on. Without fail, every Christmas, for the past eight years. Charles made an excessive amount of Santa hat penguin cookies. 

A grin spread across his face as you placed it in his hand. “Wouldn’t be Christmas without this guy.” He wasted no time in pressing the cutter down into the dough and before you guys knew it the first batch was done and in the oven. 

As you started on the next batch Charles kept a close eye on the baking cookies. The two of you allowed for Michael Buble to fill silence in the air and the mouthwatering smell of the cookies soon filled your nostrils. “You know you still call her Mom?”

Your eyebrows furrowed at Charles' random statement. “Huh?” 

He walked away from the oven and back to his original spot next to you. “You still call your Maman Mom.” 

“Yes?” You weren’t really sure where he was going with this, it was nothing new to either of you. 

“I just figured by now you would have made the switch. You speak French with everyone else.” 

You shrugged your shoulders at him, you had never really considered it, the idea felt weird even just thinking about it now. “I’ve always spoken English with my Mom and French with Papa. It would feel weird to switch stuff around now.” You stirred in the flour as you continued the conversation. “You know I could give you some English lessons if you’d like. I think that might have been what you were hinting at.” You teased. 

Charles' eyes widened at your words. “Are you saying my English is not good? I think I speak English very good!” 

“Well.” You didn’t skip a beat. 

“What?” 

“You think you speak English very w-” 

In an instant there is flour all over the upper part of your body, your movements stilled as you’re processing what Charles had just done. You’re mad at first, actually seething because your hair looked so good today and now it’s covered in flour. And you can’t see Charles because you haven’t moved an inch since he threw the flour at you, but he went from having a shit eating grin on his face to a oh shit expression. Your quietness has him worried that you’re actually really pissed at him, but when he hears his nickname come past your lips he knows you're not that mad at him. 

“Charlie. You better run.” 

He isn’t sure he’s heard you right, but when he sees you pick up the whole bag of flour his sock clad feet are sliding on the floor as he runs around the other side of the kitchen island. You're playing cat and mouse around the island for quite some time. The beeping from the oven time ignored multiple times as giggles from both of you filled the room. 

As Charles rounds the corner again his foot catches on one of the barstool legs and you know you’ve finally got him. He doesn’t fall, but he slips just enough to allow you to fully catch up to him. And you may or may not have thrown the whole bag of flour at him, but him being covered head to toe in flour says it was the whole bag. You definitely got him 10x worse than he did you and from that gleam in his eye you know what he’s going to do, but you can’t get away fast enough and his arms are around you in an instant. He shakes his head trying to get as much of the flour off of him and onto you and by you trying to free yourself from his grip he’s transferred a good amount from his clothes onto yours. “Charles! Let me go!” Your pleas are pitiful, laughter dripping off every word. 

“Oh my god!” 

Both of your eyes widen, bodies frozen at the sound of your Mom’s less than pleased voice. The two of you sheepishly stood there as your Mom looks like she’s about ready to cry and cuss you out at the same time. “I can’t leave you two alone for an hour?!” Her eyes shift to behind the two of you, panic written across her face. She’s practically running towards the oven and that’s when you realize the burning smell. And when she not so softly sets the cookie sheet onto the counter you know she’s really not happy. The cookies were burnt to a crisp, the poor Santa hat penguin never stood a chance. “I’m sorry Y/M/N. It was my fault, I started it.” Charles rubbed the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed. 

“I don’t care who started it because you’re both cleaning up this mess.” A deep sigh came from you Mom as she really took in just how big of a mess the two of you had made, her head shaking in disapproval as she left the two of you to clean up. 

When you knew she was out of earshot you couldn’t but let out a little giggle, it was like in school when you weren’t supposed to be laughing, but everything is just so funny, and Charles follows your actions seconds later. The two of you fools, covered in flour, cookies burnt, and in trouble as you stood there laughing. 

That night you couldn’t sleep, tossing and turning in your bed, your brain would not shut off. And it wasn’t because you were excited for Christmas morning, you only wished that was the reason. You couldn’t get how good it felt to have Charles arms wrapped around you out of your mind, or how that stupid sweater made him look even more attractive than he already was. 

As you stared up at the ceiling, you knew you were screwed. You had a big fat crush on Charles and it was going to ruin your life. You knew he only saw you as a little sister and that made everything so much more worse to you. Why did you have to develop feelings for him of all people? 

Christmas morning came and went and before you knew it evening had arrived, meaning the Leclerc’s would be arriving soon. You were in charge of setting the table, a task you didn’t mind, considering being in the kitchen with your Mom on any holiday was like asking to get yelled at. As you folded the last napkin neatly and placed it in its rightful spot you heard commotion coming from the front door, undoubtedly the Leclerc’s arriving. You spotted Pascale struggling to juggle all the presents and you hurried towards her, quick to offer a hand. “Merci chéri.” A grateful smile painted across her face.

The pile of presents grows as you place them under the tree and you’d think your family hadn’t already opened some this morning. Everyone settles into their usual spots in the living room, but your usual spot by Charles is left empty, as you’ve scurried into the kitchen. You’d rather face the unwarranted wrath from your Mom than be unable to compose yourself around Charles. But you don’t get to hide in the kitchen for very long because she’s practically done with everything, so you help her bring in all the food to the table, and admire your table setting skills as you do so. 

Dinner is pretty uneventful and luckily your Dad has Charles preoccupied with racing talk for most of the time. But you can’t help but catch his eye from across the table every once in a while and every time you do your heart skips a beat. By the time presents start getting passed around you had successfully avoided Charles for most of the day, but that is ruined when he plops down next to you on the floor, shoulders brushing as he gets situated. 

“Are you mad at me for yesterday?” Charles' voice is low, like he didn’t want anyone to hear, but he could have talked at full volume, no one would have heard him over how loud your Dads were being. 

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “Why would I be mad at you?” 

“You’ve been avoiding me all day.” 

Your fingers toyed with the lifted corner of wrapping paper on the present in front of you, your brain trying to figure out what to say. Yes, you had been avoiding him, but it wasn’t because you were mad. It was actually the opposite, but you couldn’t tell him that. “I’m not mad at you. Just didn’t want there to be another flour fiasco today. You thought she was mad yesterday, now imagine that while she’s in her holiday cooking zone.” You give him a reassuring smile, hoping that he’s bought what you’ve told him. But he doesn’t get the chance to respond as your Mom’s voice fills the room. 

“Ok does everyone have all their presents? Our Santa this year was less than enthusiastic about handing out the presents.” Your Mom shoots Arthur a look as he sits down on the floor across from Charles and you. 

“There is nothing left under the tree. I promise.” Arthur states. 

“Alright then everyone get after it!” 

Piles of wrapping paper fill the empty spots on the floor in no time and excited gasps fill the room as everyone unwraps their gifts. You’re always so grateful for everything the Leclerc’s get you for Christmas, they treat you like one of their own, and sometimes you feel they spoil you a little too much. 

With each present that you unwrapped that wasn’t from Charles, you start to get a little worried. You guys exchanged presents every year and if he didn’t get you something this year, you think you might die. So when you come to your last present and it says it’s from his parents, you try to hide your disappointment, especially because it’s an amazing gift. You hop up from your spot on the floor and make sure to go thank them personally, hugs and all. And you’re pretty sure you hear them say something about how you’re their daughter too and how you deserve it, but your brain is still thinking about how Charles didn’t get you anything. 

When you go back to your spot a little perfectly wrapped box with a bow on it is sitting there. You know you weren’t sitting on that, so it had to be placed there after you got up. You think it’s one of Charles that he forgot about, but when you bend over to pick it up you see Charles sloppy handwriting on it. A smile spreads across your face as you look over at Charles who has an equally big one on his. You quickly sit down, eager to know what’s inside. 

“Did you think I didn’t get you anything?” Charles questions, a smirk toying at his lips. 

“Maybe.” Yes. 

“I would never.” He bumps his shoulder into yours, motioning for you to open it. “Well, go on. What are you waiting for?” 

You don’t want to seem like you're absolutely ripping into the present, but it probably looks like you are. It’s a tiny box, like one used for jewelry, and you really aren’t expecting Charles to have gotten you jewelry. But when you open the box, nestled in the velvet cushion, is a ring. You glance over at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, then back to the ring. It’s just a simple sterling silver ring and somewhat on the smaller side. To be honest Charles could have gotten you a bag of candy and you would have been happy to have just gotten something from him, let alone a ring. 

But when you pick the ring up from the box you see exactly why it’s smaller, and it makes your heart swell. On the inside of the ring you see the words pinky promise engraved into it and as you look over at Charles, he’s holding out his pinky finger, a matching ring adorning it. Your cheeks are hurting from how hard you're smiling, but you don’t care. It’s the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten you and as you slide it onto your pinky finger you feel yourself smiling even more, if that’s possible. Your arms are around Charles instantly, pulling him in towards you, thank you’s tumbling out of your mouth as he giggles in response. 

“I’m glad you like it.” He pauses, trying to figure out the right words to say. “Things are changing. I’m moving up from karting and hopefully into Formula 3 within the next year. It’s just a reminder that we’ve always got each other, even if I’m gone racing or you’re off doing something, we can look at the rings and know we’ve got a piece of each other with us, always.” 

You can’t stop smiling at him, and that crush you’ve got has tripled in size in a few short hours. Your teenage brain over exaggerates everything and you basically think this means you’re gonna be together forever, even though you aren’t even together. 

While you’re in make believe land, your parents are observing the two of you. Whispers and knowing glances are exchanged, between them and your Moms can’t help but think it’s cute how close the two of you are. While your Dad in particular, no matter how he feels about Charles, thinks no boy is good enough for his little girl, let alone some sixteen year old boy. 

Perhaps you may be a little dramatic when you say that this Christmas was the best one you’d had so far, but honestly it was the truth. Sure you realized you had a huge crush on Charles that will probably end in tears, but you also got the most thoughtful gift ever, that you will cherish forever. So yeah, this was a good Christmas, crush aside. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

And so you lived with admiring Charles from afar for months. Enjoying what time you got together and just holding out hope that maybe one day he wouldn’t see you as his little sister. But life had a funny way of hitting you in the face with reality, especially at thirteen. 

When Charles shows up to a joint family dinner one night with a girl around his arm you feel like all the air has escaped your lungs. And when he introduces her to everyone as his girlfriend you plaster on a smile even though you feel like someone has pulled your heart out of your chest and ran it over multiple times.

It’s the longest dinner of your life and while everyone gushes over his girlfriend, asking her all about her life and interests, you poke your food around with your fork. It’s not like you have an appetite anyways, getting your heart broken will do that to you. And it sucks even more because she’s so nice, like insanely nice, you couldn’t even hate her if you wanted to. Not to mention how pretty she was, she was everything, and you were some pimple faced, awkward bodied thirteen year old. 

You fidget with the ring on your finger and your heart races at the idea of Charles not wearing his anymore, your eyes glance over at him and when you spot the ring still on his finger it calms you a little. But that still means nothing, just that he clearly still sees you as a little sister. What you don’t see is how your Mom has been watching you the whole night. You’ve never told her about your feelings towards Charles, but she’s your Mom, she just knows things. And she knows you're hurting right now, so when she changes the topic of conversation at the table you’re eternally grateful. 

It’s an early night for you that night, not bothering to join everyone for a game of UNO, claiming that you aren’t feeling well. When really you couldn’t wait to go upstairs and just cry it out. What did you do to deserve something like this? It hurt so bad, but you knew there was nothing you could do about it. And as you laid in bed that night all you could think about was how are you going to live without him liking you back?

sixteen and nineteen

Newsflash you do live without Charles liking you back. In fact your crush goes away by the end of that year, no thanks to the new boy in your grade, who eventually ends up being your boyfriend. But it was safe to say you were over Charles, at least you think you are. 

Charles, on the other hand, stayed with the girl who made you go crazy at age thirteen for over a year, but they broke up over text. And to your disappointment, Charles never told you the reason why. Ever since then it’s been somewhat of a revolving door of girls in Charles' life. Okay – maybe not a revolving door, but at least three different girls in the past two years. None of them lasted for more than a couple months though, and it was getting to the point where no one in either of your families got to know the girls.

Everyone knew that they would be gone sooner than later. After his last “breakup” a couple months ago, he hadn’t brought around a new one, he claimed that he needed to focus on racing, that F1 seat was almost in his grasp and that was all that mattered to him right now, but you knew there was something else going on. 

While Charles was having issues in the relationship department, you were actually flourishing. You had met your now boyfriend Lucas, when he was the new kid your eighth grade year. You thought he was cute from the moment he walked into your History class the first day back from winter break. And when the seat next to you was the only open desk you tried to hide your excitement as he sat down, but when he smiled at you first, it was hard to hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks. He was the first to speak, asking if you had a pencil. But his accent made your ears perk up – he was Spanish. The big brown doe eyes and dark hair fit him, now that you realized he was Spanish. 

“Do all Spaniards come unprepared on their first day?” You teased as you handed him a pencil. It was his turn to be the one blushing as he stifled a smile. 

“No, I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.” 

So he was a flirt – noted. 

The two of you became good friends rather quickly, but per your parents rules, you couldn’t date until you were fifteen. So, you played the long game and prayed that no one else peaked his interest. Luckily for you, he was so infatuated with you that he was willing to wait, and on your fifteenth birthday you went on your first date. He was nothing shy of a gentleman, even going as far as asking your parents permission to take you out, something your Dad was very fond of. And as your parents watched their little girl walk out the door hand in hand with a boy, they couldn’t help but feel a little sad. 

“Our little girl is growing up.” 

Your Mom wrapped a comforting arm around your Dad. “I know. I’m glad though, I figured she would waste her teenage years waiting on Charles.” 

A questioning look washed across your Dad’s face. “What?” 

“Oh honey. Don’t act like you’ve been blind these past ten years. They’ve always been drawn to each other, her more than him. She was absolutely heartbroken when he brought his first girlfriend to dinner that one time.” 

“Guess I do remember being less than thrilled at Charles getting her that ring for Christmas that one year.” Your Dad huffed. 

“Hmm,” she rests her head on his shoulder, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his abdomen as they still stand there, staring at the door. “You know Pascale has always said that Y/N would end up with Charles.” 

Your Dad scoffs at your Mom’s words. “And what do you think of that?” 

“I think only time will tell.” 

While your parents were discussing your love life back at home, you were having a grand time on your date. The pizza place Lucas had taken you to was cute, a fitting place for two fifteen year olds to be on a first date. Thankfully it wasn’t awkward or tense, and you had to thank the two of you for being friends for a year before your date for that. It was just like the two of you hanging out. 

On the walk back to your house your hands never separate, even when they start to become sweaty. And when he pulls you closer to him, so you're basically hugging his arm, you realize you could get used to this.The way his brown eyes look like pools of honey when the sun hits them just right as he looks down at you, the feeling of his thumb gently rubbing circles on your hand, and the way your name rolls of his tongue when he talks to you, especially with that accent of his. All of it has that all too familiar warm fuzzy feeling appearing in your stomach. 

When he stops in front of the ice cream shop near your house he doesn’t even have to ask you if you want any, you’re already dragging him towards the entrance. The little bell on the door rings as the two of you walk inside and the all too familiar sugary sweet smell hits your nostrils. 

“Ah! Chérie!” 

The owner Mr. Martin – a short older man, probably in his sixties, with what you would call haystacks for eyebrows was beaming at you from behind the counter. He had grown fond of you and the Leclerc boys over the years, claiming that he loved seeing the three of you grow up, as he never had any grandchildren of his own. Though, when his eyes shifted to the right and saw Lucas standing next to you his smile fell briefly, if you hadn’t been staring at him you wouldn’t have caught it. 

“Who is this handsome young man?” He asks as the two of you walk towards him.. 

You introduce Lucas to Mr. Martin and it’s at that moment that you realize that this is the first time you’ve brought him here. Something that didn’t seem possible to you because you were here so often that you had to have brought Lucas here at least once, but you can’t recall a time. 

Only when a vanilla cone is in front of your face are you brought out of your thoughts. Of course Mr. Martin didn’t need to ask you what you wanted, it’s been the same thing every time for the past ten years. Lucas had already sat down at one of the little tables, chocolate cone in hand, while he waited for you. 

“I was surprised to see you with a boy other than Charles.” Mr. Martin states as he wipes down the counter. “He must be special because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here with anyone other than your family or Charles.” 

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. Yes, this was your first time you had brought Lucas here, but you know you’ve brought other friends here. There was no way in your ten years here that you hadn’t, but once again your mind was drawing a blank. As you glance back over at Lucas a knot forms in your stomach, it suddenly feels wrong to have brought him here. Like in some way you were tainting this place with his presence. Ruining whatever special hold this place has on your relationship with your family– with Charles. 

You completely ignore Mr. Martin’s statements and just give him a smile and thanks before making up an excuse as to why Lucas and you need to leave. He doesn’t take much convincing when you claim to want to see the sunset. His hand is back in yours as you hear the bell ring once more as the two of you leave. And it’s like as soon as you guys are back on the sidewalk walking towards your house, the gut wrenching feeling is gone. The only evidence of it is left in the ice cream and by the time you’re standing on your front porch step it’s all gone. 

Lucas has a lopsided grin on his face, one you’ve grown to love, as the two of you stand facing each other. “You know we are missing the sunset you wanted to see.” His fingers lightly toy with yours, before finally intertwining them again.

“Mmh. It’s okay.” You were getting lost in those big brown eyes of his, the sunset the last thing on your mind. 

“I’d rather stare at you anyways, you’re much prettier.” 

His words make you practically putty in his hands and before you know it you’re having your first kiss. It’s sweet, metaphorically and literally, the taste of ice cream still on both of your lips. His hand cups your cheek and you have to wonder if he’s done this before. But when he pulls away he only has you craving more, so you lean up and steal on more from him. Giggles escaping past your lips as you see the light blush on his cheeks, you were sure yours were bright red. “Guess this is where I ask you to be my girlfriend huh? Not like I’ve been obsessed with you since my first day of school, been waiting all year or anything.” 

You raise an eyebrow at him with a smirk on your face. “Are you going to properly ask me?” 

By the end of the night when you’re laying in bed, you had officially gone on your first date, had your first kiss, and obtained a boyfriend all in a matter of hours that day. You were a giddy mess, excitement coursed through your veins, and you couldn’t help but repeatedly feel your lips, the feeling of Lucas’ still fresh in your mind the whole night. You couldn’t wait to feel them on yours again. And when he texts you that he wants to hang out tomorrow you think your heart just might leap out of your chest. 

Being with Lucas was like living on cloud nine, you truly couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend. As the year progressed you really wondered how you had snagged someone like him– tall, dark, and handsome. You felt like the luckiest girl in the world, and he made you feel like it too, until he didn’t.

That’s the funny thing about first loves, you really think nothing could ever come between you, that it’s going to last forever. But the only thing that lasts forever is the damage they leave when they’re gone. 

You aren’t really sure what switched in Lucas, but after a year of being together he turned into someone who was never happy with what you did, always picking fights over stupid little things. And you know you should have left him already, but you love him, and you think you guys can make it work. You’re only sixteen and your Mom tells you relationships shouldn’t be like this at this age, shouldn’t be mentally draining, but unfortunately this one is. 

All your arguments as of lately had been about Charles. Lucas, though denying it every time you brought it up, had become jealous of him. You weren’t even sure where the jealousy had come from, you barely saw Charles like you used to. He was in F2 on the cusp of getting that F1 seat and you were busy with school and spending time with Lucas. You had even gone as far as rejecting invites to hang out with your other friends to spend time with Lucas, something now you regret very deeply. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

It’s a chilly Friday night in February when everything comes crashing down. The argument started over Charles texting you asking if you wanted to hang out. You were already with Lucas, but you hadn’t seen Charles in a couple weeks and you knew once the season started seeing him would be even more scarce. So, you make the big mistake of asking Lucas if he wanted to hang out with Charles. 

“Why would I want to hang out with him?” His back was turned to you, but you already knew from his tone that this was going to turn into an argument. 

“Well I haven’t seen him in awhile and he texted me asking to hang out, I thought we all could hang out.” You thought maybe by including Lucas in the plans that it would make the situation better. Wrong. 

He turns to face you, walking towards your bed where you’re currently sat. “Did he mention me in the text?” 

“Well no but-” 

“Exactly,” Lucas scoffs at you, his expression sour as he looms over you. “He doesn’t want me to come. I would get in his way.” 

You roll your eyes at his dramatics, Charles was not the guy Lucas made him out to be. “Don’t know what you mean by you getting in his way.” 

“Oh don’t act cute about it Y/N.” Hearing your name roll off his tongue no longer sounded like music to your ears, it now more resembled nails on a chalkboard, like each time he spoke your name it was venom coming out his mouth. “Bet if I gave him the chance he’d try to get in your pants at the first opportunity.” 

Your eyes widened, cheeks getting hot at his accusations. “What kind of girl do you think I am Lucas?” 

“All I’m saying is your friendship with him isn’t normal, and it makes a guy wonder.” 

You were up off of your bed now, the two of you standing in the middle of your room. “This is getting old. I’ve told you, you have nothing to be jealous of.” You had started to twist the ring on your pinky finger, a nervous habit you had developed over the past couple years. 

“That is why your friendship isn’t normal.” Lucas grabs your hand, his fingers twisting at the ring trying to pull it off your finger. “What kind of girl wears a ring another guy got her while in a relationship? Huh? Even worse that you’ve got matching ones.”

Yanking your hand free from his grasp you can feel your blood starting to boil, and you’re thankful your parents aren’t home tonight because you can tell this is going to get ugly. “We fucking grew up together! He’s like a brother Lucas!” You were the first one to yell and you had unfortunately opened the floodgates because now Lucas is yelling.

“Who hasn’t heard that before?! He’s like a brother. Give me a fucking break. You’re telling me you’ve never had feelings for him? Not once in your life?”  

The accusations and ideas he was throwing around tonight were beyond ridiculous. 

“I’m not thirteen anymore Lucas. You know I only love you.” And you don’t realize what you’ve basically admitted until it leaves your mouth and you hear Lucas let out a dry laugh. 

“Ah. There it is. I think that last part may have been a lie, because you still wouldn’t be wearing that ring if you didn’t still feel something for him.” 

You shake your head at him, why couldn’t he get what you were saying though his thick skull. “I only have platonic love for Charles. It’s nothing like what you and I have.” 

He clicks his tongue, and you can hear the gears turning in his head. “Prove it.” You furrow your eyebrows at him, confused as to how you are supposed to prove that you love only him. “Take the ring off and give it back to Charles.” 

You tuck your hands behind your back, afraid he’ll try and rip it off your finger again. “No. It’s just a ring Lucas. You’re giving it more power than it has.” 

“If it’s just a ring then take it off.” You shake your head no at him. “Take it off Y/N.” You shake your head no again and he stalks towards you, causing you to back up until the backs of your knees hit your bed. “Take off the fucking ring!” He’s yelling and you can feel the tears starting to pool in your eyes. He’s never gotten this crazy before and you can tell that this is the end of the two of you. 

“Lucas just go.” You're trying to hold back your tears, but when he tries to reach around to grab your hand you let out a sob. “Lucas, leave! Now!” 

He backs up, and for the first time that night you get a good look at his eyes. They are no longer the pools of honey you once found yourself getting lost in, their dark, like a black void, and he almost looks unrecognizable as he stands there. “You never truly loved me did you?.” 

His words cut through you, because you really did love him, and you thought he loved you. But someone who loves you would never treat you like he has you. “I loved you more than you’ll ever know, but clearly you’ve got some shit mixed up in your head to think that I didn’t.” 

“But you are always going to love Charles more Y/N. You can tell yourself it’s only platonic love, but we both know it’s not.” 

You wipe away your tears as you sit back down on the side of your bed, this was getting old. “I can’t do this anymore. Truly. I’ve tried to tell you how much you mean to me, but Charles is a part of my life and if you can’t deal with that,” You take a deep breath, scared for what's about to come out of your mouth. “Then maybe we should break up.” 

And for the first time that night Lucas doesn’t respond and you’re actually surprised that he doesn’t put up a fight. “Alright then I guess we are done.” When he doesn’t immediately leave and decides to squat down in front of you, you're confused. Especially when he wipes away your tears as his hand cups your cheek. “I never wanted us to end up like this, but I can’t share your heart with someone else.” 

He should be screaming and instigating more arguing, not being gentle and loving. More tears fall down your cheeks as he presses a final kiss on your forehead before walking out your bedroom door. You can hear your parents greet him downstairs, what great timing for them to arrive home, and when the front door slams you’re surprised your Dad isn’t going after him. 

You’re immediately calling Charles and you don’t even have to speak, your sniffles and ragged breathing lets him know that you need him. As you hang up the phone you hear a gentle knock on your door and you see your Mom peek her head in, her heart breaking when she sees the state you’re in. “Oh my sweet girl.” 

“It’s over Mom.” You choke out between sobs. 

She does the only thing that she knows you need right now and just holds you, lets you get it all out as she runs her fingers through your hair. 

But seconds later you’re both greeted with an out of breath Charles standing in the middle of your room. Your tears subside for a moment, as you see him doubled over trying to catch his breath.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave you two be.” Your Mom gives you a reassuring kiss on the head before exiting your bedroom. 

Charles takes her spot next to you on your bed, his arm immediately pulling you into him. “Did you run here?” You ask as you rest your head on his shoulder. 

“Did you expect anything less when you called me crying?” He’s deadly serious when he says it, and you don’t know it, but he’d drop everything to come to your aid, no matter if you asked or not. You don’t answer him, but when you wrap your arms around his waist and basically tuck yourself into his side, he knows you appreciate him being here. “Am I wrong for thinking this has something to do with Lucas?” 

The tears start to fall again as the fight replays in your head. “We broke up.” Your words barely above a whisper, but Charles has no trouble hearing them, even over your sniffles. 

“Never liked that asshole anyways.” 

You rolled your eyes at Charles' statement, lightly laughing because he was totally lying. “Don’t lie, you liked him, hell everyone liked him.” 

“Ever thought I am just a very good actor? He made you happy, so I just pretended to like him, for your sake.” 

“Wish you would have made your dislike of him known, maybe I wouldn’t be a hot mess on a Friday night right now.” A sigh escapes past your lips, the feeling of Charles gently rubbing circles on your side had started to soothe you. And you wished you could stay like this forever, wrapped up in his embrace. 

Charles doesn’t mean to pry, he knows you’ll tell him when you're ready, but he’s curious as to why the two of you had broken up, as far as he was concerned the two of you seemed happier than ever. But he wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t happy about the two of you breaking up, for reasons unknown to him yet. 

“You gonna tell me what happened?” 

Your grip on him tightens and he thinks if he let you, you’d be under his skin if it was possible. “He was jealous of you.” 

Charles feels his heartbeat quicken and he’s not sure why, but he does know he wants to hear the whole story. “And?” 

You know you’re going to start crying again, but it's Charles, you can tell him anything. So you take a deep breath and spill the beans. “It started a couple months ago. He’d pick fights over stupid stuff at first and then it turned into stuff concerning you. I tried to just let it go and make sure he knew he was my number one priority. But tonight’s fight was the worst one yet and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. He was basically insulating that I loved you more than him and I tried to tell him it was only platonic love that I had for you, but he wasn’t convinced.” 

There’s a strange feeling that blooms in Charles' chest as your words hit his ears and it clouds his mind because he’s never had a feeling like this when he’s been around you. It’s foreign and it scares the shit out of him.

You hold back some information from Charles, mainly because you were still processing how you really feel about him. Trying to sort through what Lucas had planted into your brain and what might have already been there, left over from thirteen year old you. But your ring clad finger searches for his and when you feel the cool contrast of his ring, you wrap your pinky fingers together. “Do you think our friendship is normal Charlie?” 

He cocks an eyebrow at you, confused as to what you meant. “Where’s this coming from?” 

Your eyes never break away from your intertwined fingers, matching rings staring back at you. “Lucas said our friendship isn’t normal and basically the fact that we have matching rings isn’t normal either.” 

Now Charles' gaze is also on your rings and for a moment he thinks maybe it isn’t normal, but then he realizes this is your guys normal. So fuck what anyone else or Lucas thought about his friendship with you. “Think he might have been just pulling shit out of his ass at that point. Jealous that he doesn’t have anyone in his life like we do each other.” 

Charles' words do make you feel a little better, because you know no matter what you’ll always have each other and tonight is proof of that, but that doesn’t stop your still broken heart from showing.

“Still kind of made me feel like shit though, like he made it seem like I didn’t love him at all, when I clearly did. I mean god Charles he was my first date, first kiss, first everything. Even with how badly he had treated me these last couple months, we’re always gonna have that connection. How am I supposed to find someone like that again? Fuck. I mean he literally has a part of me that I’ll never get back.” 

And Charles can feel his heart tightening at your words, because you’re truly the most amazing girl he knows, and to know that Lucas treated you badly when all you deserve is the best awakens something in him. 

“I wish you could see how you look to me, how amazing you are. Yes, you have those connections with Lucas, but believe me when I say you aren’t going to have a problem finding someone else.” 

A small smile finds its way onto your face as you hear Charles speak. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“I wouldn’t say anything that wasn’t true. You’re funny, kind, the best listener, and you’re so beautiful. Truly Y/N, anyone would be lucky to have you. And Lucas is clearly stupid for letting you go.” 

The blush on your cheeks probably looked like a bad sunburn with how much you were blushing and as you made eye contact with Charles you suddenly felt like that thirteen year old girl again. His blue eyes burning into yours and when he tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear you can’t help the butterflies that erupt in your stomach. And for a brief moment Charles had pushed your thoughts about Lucas to the back of your mind. 

He pulls you into a hug and if there is one place you feel the safest in the world, it’s in Charles arms. And when he whispers into your ear that everything is gonna be fine, you know it’s going to be, as long as you’ve got Charles in your life. 

seventeen and twenty 

He had done it. 

Charles had finally gotten into Formula 1. The thing he had only dreamt of since childhood had finally come true. The long weekends away from home, the training, the tiredness, the stress, it was all worth it in the end. That seat was finally his and you couldn’t have been more proud. He had been in talks with a couple of the teams for a while and he always kept you updated on the possibilities, some weeks it sounded like he would sign with one team, and then the next another. The whole situation was beyond stressful to you, so you could only imagine how Charles felt about it all. 

The day you found out that he signed with Suaber was one you’ll never forget.

Charles had tried to plan some elaborate thing to announce the big news to you, but that meant he would have to keep it a secret from you for at least a day or two. Something he found to be rather difficult once he got home, because the only thing he wanted to do was tell you. 

It didn’t matter to him that it was almost midnight by the time he had gotten home from the airport, he was going to tell you tonight no matter what. He pulled his phone out of his pocket– thumbs moving rapidly as he texted you. 

After dozing off multiple times in the last half hour you had decided to call it quits on your binge session of The Office for the night. You had switched the TV to something random to actually fall asleep to and it didn’t take long for you to be on the cusp of actual sleep until– 

DING

A groan escaped past your lips and you contemplated ignoring it, but when the second alert went off you snatched your phone off the nightstand. It felt like you were staring directly into the sun as your eyes struggled to read the text notification. 

Charlie: come out back 

Your eyes glanced at the time – 12:15. What the hell could he possibly want this late? But you begrudgingly got out of bed, slipping on some shoes and a sweatshirt before quietly going downstairs. 

The light on the back patio illuminated the backyard just enough for you to see Charles sitting on the swings waiting for you. And If you were even thinking about sneaking up on Charles that would have been impossible with the sliding door to the backyard. The thing screeched like nails on a chalkboard even with you opening it just enough to slide through it. His gaze now locked onto you as you scurried off the porch and towards the swings. 

The smile that he greeted you with was one beyond measure. He was clearly happy about something and you could tell just by the crinkles around his eyes and those dimples that right now looked to be deeper than canyons. 

“What’s got you so happy, Leclerc?” 

Your eyes focused on Charles' frame as he swayed back and forth slowly on the swing. He was clearly too big for it – his legs were bent awkwardly and his swing creaked everytime he moved. You could feel the sides of the swing digging into your hips and you realized you probably looked as ridiculous as him. 

“Just happy to see you. Missed you.” His smile still ever prominent. 

You scoffed at his words, he had just seen you a couple days ago. “Yeah right. You wouldn’t have texted me at midnight if there wasn’t something going on. In fact, how did you know I was up or even home? It’s a Friday night you know.” 

“Because I know you Y/N. Your Friday nights are usually spent at home watching some show until you can’t stay up any longer.” 

A grimace finds its way onto your face, what an amazing life you live. “Okay when you say it outloud it makes me sound like a loser.” 

His eyes had softened as the two of you made eye contact. “Nothing wrong with how you spend your Friday nights.” 

You wanted to get off the topic of your nonexistent social life and onto the pressing matter at hand tonight – what had Charles so giddy? “So are you gonna tell me what is actually going on or what?” 

He took a deep breath, he couldn’t believe he was finally getting to say these words out loud. “I’ve got a Formula 1 seat next year.” 

A blank expression is all that is staring back at Charles and he’s worried that you’re somehow mad or upset, but that’s far from the truth. You aren’t sure if you’ve heard him right, because you think you heard him say he’s going to be racing in Formula 1 next year, but your brain has seemed to have short circuited– your heart beating a mile a minute. 

You’re able to get out, “Sorry – what?!” and when you hear those words come from him once again you’re practically leaping out of the swing and into his arms. The fact that it’s nighttime and people are sleeping is the last thing on your mind as you're shouting excited nonsense at him. 

His laughter filled your ears as he stood up from the swing with you still wrapped up in his arms. You just couldn’t believe it, something he had worked so hard for, dreamt about since childhood, had finally come true. If anyone was deserving of it – it was him. 

“Putain de merde Charles! When did you sign and with who?” You asked once you had finally peeled yourself away from him and were able to form a coherent sentence. 

“Sauber – I just signed yesterday. I know it’s not Ferrari like we had hoped-” 

Your jaw dropped and you lightly smacked his arm. “Ferrari will always be there, I promise. And maybe after they see how good you do this upcoming season they’ll regret not signing you. But what I’m really wondering is why you told me you were going to do testing for one of the teams instead of telling me you were going to sign with them!” 

He put his hands up in defense, but the cheesy grin on his face still remained. “I wanted to surprise you! But then as soon as I signed that contract all I wanted to do was tell you. I literally just got home from the airport when I texted you!” 

The fact that Charles wanted you to be the first person he told had you melting and the butterflies in your stomach had you thinking about those unresolved feelings you had towards him. But you pushed it aside because tonight was not the night for that to be lingering in your mind. 

You reached down to his hand and linked your pinky fingers together. The gesture no longer just meant for a promise, but also one of comfort and reassurance. “I do hope you know though how immensely proud I am of you. How proud your Papa would be of you. I knew from that first time you ever mentioned something about becoming a F1 driver when we were kids that you would accomplish it and now look at you.” 

Charles' eyes soften at your words and when he looks into your eyes he feels that funny foreign feeling. The one that blooms in his chest and travels down to his stomach, the same feeling from last year when he held you after Lucas broke your heart. The feeling he chooses to ignore as he pulls you back into his arms, hugging you tightly, like someone might take you from him. He knows his life wouldn’t be the same without you and that he owes some of this success to you– for constantly believing in him even when he didn’t, for dreaming with him, and for being the light on even his darkest days. 

“And I hope you know that I wouldn’t have made it without you. You’ve been my biggest supporter since we were kids, always believing in me, pushing me, coming to support me when you could, and I can’t imagine you not being at my first race.” 

“Oh do you not remember what I said when we were younger? Think I said I’d have a permanent paddock pass, so you bet your ass I’m gonna be there.” 

A small laugh escapes past his lips and his dimples are back out in full force for what seems like the millionth time tonight. “Truly Y/N. Merci, I couldn’t have done it without you. Je t'aime.” 

“Je t'aime aussi Charlie.” 

His pinky finger finds yours once again and when he curls his finger around yours a wave of deja vu washes over you. And that’s when you remembered the last time the two were out here together. You were still kids, but you had made him promise not to forget you once he got into Formula 1. 

Now here the two of you stood, high on the exciting news of him achieving that goal. You can’t help that pit that starts to form in your stomach as you think of what you feared at age ten coming true. You try to hide it, not wanting to dampen the mood, and you know all you can do is pray that he keeps his promise. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

That following March you make the trip to Australia with the Leclerc’s and your family and it’s everything you could have ever dreamed of. Sure you had attended the Monaco Grand Prix every year, and some of Charles F2 races, but you had never been really in the thick of it like this. Maybe it was because it was Charles' first ever F1 race, but the feeling in the air was indescribable. The roar of the engines, the cheers from the crowd, it was something you could get used to experiencing. 

It’s surreal to see him in the car, see him flying around the circuit like it’s nothing, because all you can imagine is eight year old Charles saying he wants to be an F1 driver when he grows up in that car. He ends up placing P13 and for his first ever F1 race you couldn't have been more proud. And you aren’t afraid to admit that you shed a few tears, honestly you think everyone shed a few tears seeing him finally accomplish that lifetime dream of his. 

When you see him after the race he’s beaming like he’d won the thing and you could only imagine what he will be like when he actually wins his first race. You can practically feel the adrenaline radiating off of him when he wraps you up in his embrace. 

“You did so good Charles. You did it, you made it.” Your words slightly mumbled against his shoulder, but he hears you just fine. 

“I’m glad you were able to come. Wouldn’t have been as special if you didn’t.” You don’t think he’s wiped that smile off his face ever since he got out of the car and it only intensified as he spoke to you. 

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” And it’s true because there’s no other place you’d want to be right now. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

The next time you see him is for the Monaco Grand Prix and he’s nearly shitting himself the whole week before. You would have thought this was his first ever time in a F1 car with how nervous he was. He knows these streets like the back of his hand, knows this circuit like the back of his hand, but he still spends an unnecessary amount of time on the sim, trying to perfect every little thing. 

With what little amount of time you see him between practice sessions and qualifying before the actual race you try and reassure him, let him know that he’s still an amazing person and driver no matter the outcome on Sunday. And it seems to have worked because by Sunday his spirits seem to be much higher and he’s got a good feeling about the race, hoping to score some points, and maybe win his home race. 

But when his brakes fail and he ends up crashing into the back of another car resulting in a DNF you’re heartbroken, but you know he’s even more upset. You know he’s going to be so hard on himself and overanalyze the whole situation, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to try and make things a little better. 

When you find him he’s pacing back and forth in what little space he has in his drivers room. Helmet still strapped onto his head and his race suit still done up. You spot one of his gloves on the physio table and the other on the ground — evidence that he had thrown them. He’s so in his head that he doesn’t even see you standing in the doorway as he paces. 

“Charlie.” Your voice is soft and you hope by using his nickname that it may calm him a little. 

His movements stop when he hears your voice and when he finally sees you standing there in the doorway all he wants to do is crawl into a hole and die. What an embarrassment to have his first DNF at his first home race. It’s like the gods wanted to punish him for reasons unbestowed to him. 

Your reflection stares back at you through his visor as you approach him, his shoulders relaxing slightly as your hands find their home on them. You finally work up the courage to flip up his visor so you can actually look at him and when you see red puffy eyes staring back at you your heart breaks a little more. 

“Let’s get this helmet off, yeah?” 

With a small nod given from him as permission you reach your hands up to undo the strap. You’re trying to be delicate with your actions, but when it comes to taking off his helmet there really isn’t a way to be nice about it. And Charles knows because he’s got his hands over yours, aiding you in taking it off. 

You couldn’t help but stare at him as he practically tore off his balaclava and threw it haphazardly somewhere in the room. As silly as it seemed, the indentions that it left behind on his face somehow made him more attractive. Combine that with his hair being a tousled mess and his skin glistening from the sweat (and tears) and post race Charles may be your favorite Charles. You watched even more intently as he unzipped his race suit, letting the upper half fall at his hips, exposing the tight fireproofs that you loved more than you should. 

Those unresolved feelings that you’ve tried to shove deep down for years had seemed to be crawling their way back up recently. But for today you pushed them back down because you were here to comfort Charles, not ogle at him, no matter how good he looked at the moment. 

He sat down on his physio table with a defeated sigh, hand running through his already messy hair. “I’ve let everyone down – the team, my family, myself, you. Maybe if I wouldn’t have braked too hard at turn seven or didn’t push as hard in the tunnel-” 

You moved to stand in between his legs, your hands resting on his shoulders. He was on the edge of spiraling and you knew if you didn’t take him back from that ledge he’d be in his head about it for weeks. 

“Charles. There was nothing that you could have done differently, it was an issue with the car. Which means it had nothing to do with you as a person, as a driver, or your talent.” Your hand subconsciously searches for his, and like it’s muscle memory your pinkies link seconds later. “I promise.” 

“A ‘once in a generation driver’ would have avoided crashing.” 

Ugh. The phrases that the media used to describe Charles were – yes very flattering, but they came at a price. He took them personally and the idea of being anything less than what they claimed him to be took a serious mental toll on him. 

“You had no brakes Charles. What were you supposed to do? Bust your feet through the floor and Fred Flintstone it?” You could see the corners of his mouth turn up slightly at your comment and you knew he was backing away from the edge. His hands find their way around your waist and he’s pulling you into him, your head finding a home on his shoulder. 

“I’m still immensely proud of you. Hell, you could finish dead last in every race and I’d still be your number one fan.” This time there is an actual smile that washes across Charles face, but you don’t get to see it, your head is still resting on his shoulder. “ And I know it’s easier said than done, but please try not to be so hard on yourself, especially when it comes to things out of your control.” 

“What would I do without you?” It’s a serious question that Charles asks himself often. You’ve been each other's rocks for twelve years now. Through the amazing times and the horrible times. No one knows either of you like you do each other. 

You’ve pulled away from his embrace now, your eyes staring back at his. “Hmmm. I don’t know. You’d probably be absolutely miserable without me.” 

And when you finally see that pretty smile of his, dimples and all, you know you’ve accomplished your mission. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Although after Monaco– things changed. 

The first thing and probably the most inevitable was Charles moving out. Honestly, you were surprised he hadn’t done it sooner, but in between the Monaco GP and Canadian GP he moved into his own place. Which in theory wasn’t a big deal, but that meant he wasn’t just right down the street from you anymore. He had gotten an apartment further into the city, which in Monaco that’s not that far, but you knew it would make a difference. 

The days of popping into his house and expecting him to be there were long gone. The whole thing really shouldn’t have been such a big deal to you, but you couldn’t help but think that him moving out was only going to aid in your worries of him forgetting about you to come true. 

After Monaco your communication with Charles started to slowly lessen.Texts that once were answered in minutes now went hours without an answer or sometimes no response at all. You blamed it on his busy schedule, trying not to think too much about it. But much to your dismay, your worries do come true. 

It’s inevitable to you that you are drifting apart when you realize it’s been three months since you’ve seen him, almost a month since you’ve talked to him. And when you see him make it official with some girl you hadn’t even heard mention of after the British GP you feel like it’s just another nail in the coffin. 

You don’t even make the effort to reach out anymore, in fact you make sure not to after seeing that he’s got a new girlfriend. You’d just be wasting your time and energy. And it may seem like you're giving up on keeping Charles in your life, but really what else could you do? It truly hurts like hell to see the person you care about the most not seem to care about you, but you can’t force someone to talk to you or see you. 

He’s living his dream, traveling the world, partying, surrounded by stunning women. You’re still in school, still only seventeen, and not sure what you want your life to look like. It was inevitable really, for the two of you to drift apart, but that little part of you that ten year old you still holds on to, hopes that Charles remembers that promise he made and eventually comes to his senses. Because you know and you know he knows that you two are always going to have that special bond, the ring on your finger a constant reminder of it. And you wonder if he still wears his, but you don’t hold on to much hope that he does. 

Even though Charles and you aren’t exactly the closest at the moment you do want to try and attend another race before you start your final year of school and are forced to give that all of your attention. So when Arthur texts you asking if you want to go to Monza with Pascale and him you don’t pass up the opportunity.

Arthur filled you in on stuff regarding Charles during the flight, not that you asked, but he knew the two of you hadn’t really been talking. And you don’t mean to ask about his girlfriend, but you do, and you can see Arthur tip-toeing around his words. “She’s… nice. I’ve only met her once so I really couldn’t tell you much. You haven’t met her yet though, right?” 

You shook your head at him. “I haven’t even seen Charles since the home race. So no, I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her.” 

“Merde. I didn’t think it had been that long.” 

What Arthur doesn’t tell you is that Charles doesn’t know their Mom and him are coming, not to mention you. You only figure it out when Arthur says something about making sure Charles doesn’t know to the Sauber team member who gives him three VIP passes. Arthur claims you guys are here to surprise Charles, give him a little pick me up after his last two races were DNF’s. 

The idea of seeing Charles again after so long already had your stomach in knots, but now knowing he doesn’t even know you’re coming makes it even worse. You were under the impression that he knew you were tagging along with Arthur. And everyone knows Charles is horrible at hiding his emotions, what if he sees you and can’t hide the fact that he doesn’t want you here? A million possibilities ran through your brain as Arthur dragged you towards the Sauber garage, while Pascale went to hospitality. 

Qualifying had just started and you were thankful for the extra time to mentally prepare yourself to see Charles again. With the way you were acting you would have thought you hadn’t seen him in years, but truthfully these three months had felt like years. 

The roar of engines were slightly muffled as you put on a headset, eyes focused on the monitor in front of you. Even with your nerves through the roof, it felt good to be back at a race. The atmosphere was intoxicating, you loved the hustle and bustle of it all, the adrenaline you got from just being here was crazy. 

You were so engrossed in watching Charles that you didn’t even notice someone come up behind Arthur and you until you felt him tap your shoulder. When you turn around the person standing there is the last person you expected to be seeing.  

Leah— Charles' girlfriend.  

Her lips are moving, but you aren’t hearing a word, and that’s when you realize you’ve still got your headset on. You quickly pull them down around your neck just in time to hear her say. “You must be Y/N?” You're shocked she knows who you are and from the look on your face she knows exactly what you’re thinking. “Charles has mentioned you before. It’s nice to finally meet you!” 

It’s sad to say that you had a hard time believing that Charles talked about you to her, but you put on a fake smile and accepted her invitation for a hug. “It’s nice to meet you too!” While Arthur and her spoke you tried to get a good read on her, but it was hard to tell if she was naturally this friendly or if it was all just an act. 

Time slipped away as the three of you chatted and you hadn’t realized Q1 was over and that Charles hadn’t made it into Q2 until you saw Leah’s eyes widened at something behind you. That something turned out to be someone and that someone turned out to be Charles. Leah’s practically hanging off of him while she’s trying to take a million photos and videos. And that’s when you know why Arthur tiptoed around his words about her earlier. Yes she was ‘nice’, but she was clearly using Charles for her own benefit. 

Charles on the other hand was oblivious to Leah shoving her phone in his face. His vision had zeroed in on you from the moment he entered the garage, even with your back turned to him he could spot you in a crowd of hundreds. When you finally turned around he felt like his feet had been cemented to the ground. His body felt hot, like a fever was running through his veins, and it wasn’t from being in the car moments ago. 

Arthur wasn’t supposed to be here and you weren’t either– especially talking to his girlfriend. It throws him for a loop and he can’t seem to get his brain and mouth to work together to even greet you, so he stands there while Leah makes sure everyone knows she’s dating a Formula 1 driver. 

The tight lipped smile you throw his direction doesn’t help how he’s feeling. You should be beaming at him, in his personal space (preferably in his arms), laughing at something dumb he said, anything other than how you were right now. And he knows it's no fault but his own, but it still hurts to see you stand there and act like you don’t like him, like you haven’t known each other for twelve years.

Charles could blame his absence in your life on his career, but that wasn’t the whole truth. 

He had seen your texts and truthfully sometimes he was so busy that he would forget to text you back. But those times when he could give you his full attention over text or the occasional facetime were times he never took for granted. He loved hearing your laughter, seeing your smile, or even just having you send him a text about your day. But with those things he loved so dearly came that funny feeling in his chest. 

The same feeling that he first felt last year when Lucas broke up with you, the night he told you he made it into F1, at his home race, and sprinkled in occasionally at other times. He had realized what it was not too long after the Monaco GP and at first he denied it, he thought there was no way it was possible. But then when that feeling would happen just from getting a text from you he knew he was fucked. He wasn’t even going to say the word out loud, not even think it, afraid of what might come if he even allowed the universe the satisfaction of him accepting what he was feeling. You were supposed to be his best friend and not someone he had feelings for. 

So what did he do to combat this insane revelation he had found out about himself? 

Distance himself. 

If he wasn’t in contact with you or seeing you, then surely this silly little thing, that he once again would not acknowledge by its government name, would go away. Plus his ever so busy career was the perfect excuse for him to use in case his Mother or you questioned him. 

And at first it wasn’t hard at all, he had gradually weaned himself off from facetiming you and then texting. And it wasn’t that bad because he had racing and training and media duties and parties– all the stuff that his life involved now to distract him. But then your texts became less and less and then on one off week he realized just how badly he missed having your stupid contact photo pop up on his phone and how he may have fucked everything up. 

But then he met Leah through another driver’s girlfriend and he had her to distract him even more. He knew what kind of person she was from the get go, but he was basically using her too, so if she wanted to make her whole instagram about him then so be it as long as his brain was free of that thing that must not be named about you. And Leah worked for awhile, she was relatively nice and it helped that she was pretty, but she wasn’t you. 

There was no real connection between them and sometimes Charles would rather watch paint dry than have a conversation with her. And most of the time he just let her sit there and talk while he scrolled on his phone, trying not to act like his heart didn’t skip a beat when a post of yours would pop up on Instagram. 

He wanted to contact you so badly, but what was he supposed to say? Hey, I've been so busy that I haven't even picked up my phone to text you hi. 

He knew he had caused some damage to your relationship when his Mom asked why he wasn’t coming home to see you anymore and that you weren’t yourself. He feels like shit about it, the idea of him making you upset is practically nightmare fuel for Charles and he doesn’t know why he thought distancing himself would make things better, they had just made things worse. Made him miss you even more without even realizing it. 

Clearly Charles had never heard the saying distance makes the heart grow fonder because if he had then maybe he wouldn’t have been stood there like a fool in the Sauber garage right now. Heart racing faster than the car he just got out of at the sight of you standing here in front of him for the first time in three months. 

What the hell was happening to him? What was this sudden effect you had on him? Had it always been there and he hadn’t realized it until now? He couldn’t think straight – it was clearly not a good idea to have tried to ignore these realizations (feelings) he had about you. A bad idea to not see you for months because now that you are here everything is rushing back up to the surface 10x worse than before. 

“Long time no see stranger.” Your voice brings him back to reality, but your closer proximity has him searching for an out. His head glancing in every direction for someone– his race engineer, one of the mechanics, Leah, anybody to distract him from you. 

When his search comes up short he resorts to making his stomach hurt even more by talking to you. 

“Yeah. How have you been?” God. Did he not even know how to talk to you anymore? Small talk with someone you know better than yourself had to be a torture method used by government agencies. 

“I’ve been good.” Lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “I see you’ve been living it up since I saw you last.” 

You were expecting a little awkwardness between the two of you, but the way Charles was acting was insane, it was like it was your first time meeting or something. He couldn’t maintain eye contact to save his life and honestly looked like he’d rather be someplace else at the moment. Your fear of him not wanting you here was clearly not a silly worry, it was reality. 

“Um yeah. Always busy doing something recently.” 

You’ve been fidgeting with the ring on your pinky finger the whole time and your movements catch Charles' gaze. His eyes immediately locking in on the silver ring still shining on your finger. He’s surprised after the way he’s treated you these past couple months that you still have it on, but yet here you stood in front of him with it on, a sign to Charles that he did not deserve you one bit. 

When he sees you realize that he’s staring at your ring and then sees your eyes shift to his naked finger his heart rate quickens once again. His stomach feels like it's about ready to drop out of his ass at the sight of hurt on your face that’s then quickly replaced by a blank stare. He can’t get his words out fast enough, he’s chewing on his words, mouth drier than the Sahara desert. 

“I-um-It’s in my-” 

“It’s fine Charles, really. We’re not little kids anymore. I shouldn’t be holding on to silly childhood promises.” It wasn’t fine, it was far from fine. You’re blinking back tears, your words referencing everything but the ring. But it’s a combination of everything that’s got you upset. The two of you drifting apart, the broken childhood promises, wanting to hate him right now but still being so proud to see him out there doing what he loves, and that damn ring. 

You felt stupid for still having it on, for thinking that he would still have his on. You needed to start being more realistic, but you were still only seventeen. An age that held so much fun and whimsy, you should be out having fun with your friends, not getting upset over a guy who clearly didn’t feel the same about you. The two of you were always going to be at two different times in your lives, it was never going to work out, but fuck there is always going to be apart of you that still holds onto him. He’s got his fingers dug so deep into you that you think you'll be old and gray and still wonder what could have been. 

Each word you spoke felt like a stab to Charles' heart. He wanted to tell you that he still wears his ring. That it’s sitting on its designated spot in his driver's room. But once again he can’t get his words out fast enough, his brain still hung up on your words for some reason. He’s hoping you would realize that the reason he doesn’t have it on was because he had just been in qualifying, but when he sees you slide your ring off and toss it in your bag those stabs to the heart intensify. He feels like he’s losing everything right in front of him, but he can’t seem to get his mind and body to work together to stop it. 

He feels an arm wrap around his and he knows it's Leah. Where was she moments ago when he was looking for an out? Maybe this situation could have been avoided and Charles wouldn’t feel like he had just lost the one person in his life who truly cared about him. 

“Good luck tomorrow Charles.” 

You don’t feel like sticking around any longer, especially if you have to look at Charles and Leah. You let Arthur know you're gonna go find Pascale, but you don’t leave without taking one last glance at Charles. 

It’s a long evening with Arthur’s prying questions about what's going on between his brother and you. All you can do is shrug your shoulders because really you don’t actually know what happened yourself, you assumed you drifted apart, but was there something else that happened that you didn’t know about? 

The next day you decide to watch the race from Sauber’s hospitality with Pascale, hoping to get away from Arthur’s never ending questions and Leah’s presence in general. Pascale luckily hadn’t pressed you on the Charles matter, but she’s practically your second Mother and she knows too that there’s something going on between Charles and you, she’s known from the beginning.

Charles ended up placing eleventh, which is miles better than his last two races, which were DNFs. Though you don’t even bother to go to the garage with Pascale, opting to stay in hospitality until it’s time to leave. It may have been petty of you, but you really weren’t in the mood to see Charles again and from his behavior yesterday he clearly doesn’t care that you're not there. 

But that was far from the truth. In fact Charles was praying that you would show up in the garage this morning, but when Arthur shows up solo he can’t hide the frown that forms on his face. The praying then moves onto seeing you post race, but that is quickly diminished when his Mother shows up without you in tow either. 

Your words from yesterday hung heavy in Charles' mind all last night. I shouldn’t be holding onto silly childhood promises bothered him more than it should have. And he wracked his brain trying to figure out what you could have been referencing. It wasn’t until he was almost asleep that he remembered a certain promise that the two of you made at ten and thirteen. Sleep was the last thing on his mind as he laid there wide awake staring at the ceiling recalling the memory in his mind.

He was such a fucking asshole. He’d done the one thing you promised him not to do. Granted he never really forgot about you, you were still clearly on his mind these past three months, but to you it really did seem like he had forgotten about you. Like he had gone off and became this famous race car driver that couldn’t be bothered to text his childhood best friend.

God he had fucked up, like truly fucked up, and all he wanted to do was explain himself (without revealing you know what), apologize, and try and get back to the way things used to be. That though, was proving to be easier said than done when you wouldn’t even come around. And by the time he’s done with his post race duties you’re back at the hotel ready to head back home. Charles doesn’t think he’ll ever get the chance to redeem himself and you're left wondering why you even agreed to come in the first place. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A week later you're at home sitting on your bed, face shoved into a math textbook trying to figure out some formula when your phone rings. Charles' contact photo pops up on your phone and you contemplate not answering it. You haven’t had any contact with him since Monza so you wonder why he’s decided to call you of all things on a random Monday. But against your better judgment you press answer and put it on speaker before tossing it back down on your bed. 

“Bonjour?” 

There’s muffled sounds in the background, but Charles hasn’t spoken a word, and you wonder if he accidentally butt dialed you. 

“Y/N.” His voice finally echos through the speaker and you hate the way your heart flutters at the sound of your name rolling off his tongue. 

Charles had been working himself up to call you for hours, his finger hovering over your contact too many times to count. He thinks he may have blacked out a little when he finally pressed his thumb down on the screen and then heard your sweet voice, hence his delayed response. Today was his last chance to tell you the big news he'd hoped to tell you last week in Monza, but that clearly didn’t work out. 

The big news in question? Him finally signing with Ferrari. 

The team that he had dreamt of driving for once he got into F1 had finally given him a chance. It was not only his dream, but his Father’s dream for Charles too. Many weekends with his Father spent at race tracks had all led up to him getting that initial seat this year and then finally getting that Ferrari seat for next year, he only wished his Father could be here to witness it. Charles couldn’t have been more happy to finally accomplish that dream not only for himself, but also his Father. 

The other person who knew about how badly he wanted to be sporting that Ferrari red and supported him in finally reaching that goal was you. And to Charles it didn’t matter if you guys perhaps weren’t exactly on the best of terms right now, he wanted you to be the first person he told, just like last year when he got into F1. He sure as hell didn’t want you to find out from the press release, so here he was telling you over the phone. 

“Oui?”

“I’ve done it. I’m driving for Ferrari next year.” It feels good to say it outloud, especially to you because you know just how much it means to him. 

There’s silence from your end for some time and Charles checks to make sure you hadn’t hung up on him, but the call time is still going. He’s about ready to say your name when he hears sniffles echo through the speaker.

“Are you crying?” He’s worried he’s somehow done something once again to make you upset. 

You are in fact crying, as much as you hate it. It’s a mixture of happy and sad tears that you're desperately trying to wipe away like he can see you. Happy tears for him finally signing with Ferrari, a goal that you knew he would accomplish with no issue. Sad tears because you wished he was here telling you in person, wished that things were like they used to be, wished that you never developed feelings for him, and wished that whatever that situation was in Monza last week had never happened. 

“I’m just really happy for you Charlie.” His heart skipped a beat hearing you call him Charlie, it had been too long since you’d graced him with that nickname for his liking. “I told you Ferrari would see what they had missed out on and come running.” 

A smile tugged at his lips as he recalled that night on the swings when he told you about him getting into F1. “I wanted you to be the first person to know.” You can’t ignore the butterflies that form in your stomach at the thought of him thinking about you, wanting you to be the first to know, but you’re still crying, your emotions all over the place. 

When silence fills the line and he still hears your sniffles, he knows it’s not just happy tears you’re crying. It was time to face the elephant over the phone. 

“Listen I know things have been weird between us these past couple months and,” He paused, trying to choose his words carefully. “I know it’s my fault. I broke that promise I made you and I hate myself for it everyday.” The idea of him distancing himself from you was the dumbest idea he’s ever had. He wasn’t better off without you, he was better with you. His feelings towards you aside, he’d rather die than not have you in his life. 

“I got so caught up in this new lifestyle and I lost myself for a while.” Maybe he shouldn’t be lying to you, but he wasn’t about ready to admit you know what. He’d already fucked up enough, he didn’t need to go spilling his guts and fuck everything up even more.

“And then in Monza I was shocked to see you there and I felt like an ass for forgetting about you and I was trying to figure out what to say, but you were clearly upset and it was honestly just a mess.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry for being a dick and that I really miss you.” 

His thumb toyed with the ring on his finger as he waited for your response  and he remembered you still didn’t know he still wore his. “I also still wear my ring. I just hadn’t gotten the chance to put it back on after qualifying last week.” His gaze never broke from the ring as he spoke. “I don’t like that you think I would ever stop wearing it. Gonna wear it till the grave Y/N.” 

His last sentence was mumbled, but you heard him loud and clear. Your gaze shifted towards your dresser where the silver ring had sat for the past week. Perhaps you had jumped the gun with your actions last week, you knew he had to take off his jewelry when he got into the car, but in the moment your emotions were telling you otherwise. “You made me feel like shit Charles. It’s a horrible feeling to see someone exiting your life in real time and knowing you really can’t do anything about it.” 

“I know and I’m so sorry.” He runs his hand through his hair in frustration, and he thinks he’s done it so many times that he might have a bald spot by morning. 

You feel like you’re forgiving him too easily, but you’ve missed him so much. And to hear him finally admit that he fucked up and say that he missed you too has you unfortunately very easily swayed. He’s been in your life for so long it’s felt like a piece of you was missing these past couple months without having contact with him. So, you forgive him, because you love him.

“I want things to go back to normal, like before.” You’re standing in front of your dresser now, ring rolling between your fingers. 

“They will.” He glanced back down at his ring. “I promise.” 

“You promise?” You asked as you slid the ring back on your finger, a missing part of now you back in its rightful place. 

“I promise.” 

twenty two and twenty five

Over the past four years Charles and you had matured significantly. 

You had graduated and landed a job that you loved at home in Monaco. It required you to travel a lot, which you loved, but also came with amazing off time and flexible hours. A perk you were beyond grateful for because that meant you could attend the majority of Charles races. You had also gotten your own place, a cute little apartment, and was truly embracing adulthood. 

When it came to the love department though– Charles was still there.

Over the four years you had your share of talking stages and two boyfriends who both only lasted a couple months. Your hectic work schedule didn’t help matters, but neither did your feelings towards Charles that you’ve been harboring for the past eight years. You really would have thought you’d have gotten over those, figured it was a thing of adolescents, but your twenties came and the feelings never went. It wasn’t as bad as when you were younger, you learned to handle yourself better and your job keeping you busy helped that. The two of you were at a good place in your relationship and you came to terms that unless you were a big girl and confessed your feelings to him, then you were just going to have to live with him at arms distance. 

Like you when it came to romantic relationships–  you were still Charles number one, as much as he tried to make it work with other girls, they just weren’t you. He had thought multiple times over the years that he was going to tell you how he felt, but you were either talking to someone or had a boyfriend, the timing never right. So he learned, like you, to live with his feelings towards you. A thing that was necessary if he didn’t want a repeat of what happened when he tried to distance himself from you.

So here the two of you were– adults who were completely oblivious to how either of you felt about each other for years, hopelessly pining over each other. 

Charles' career on the other hand was more of a success story than his love life. In the past four years he had accomplished his Maiden win in Belgium during his first year with Ferrari and then his second the next week in Italy. Then went on to win three more races during this year's season. 

A season with three wins may sound like a great accomplishment, but the thing was that he should have had more than three. To say that Charles' fourth season with Ferrari was stressful was an understatement for the ages. He had never been more happy for winter break to arrive than he was this year. He had started the season out on a high by winning the first race of the season, but life somehow had a way of humbling him. 

Horrible strategy calls from the team, bad pit stops, and car troubles had cost Charles his chance at the championship. It seemed like for every high he had– five lows followed. So needless to say when he saw the checkered flag at Abu Dhabi he was somewhat relieved that the season was over and perhaps making the podium may have lifted his spirits a little too. 

But that relief was short lived, because in true Charles fashion, he can’t get out of his head about the what ifs from the season. He had wanted to just let it go, leave it behind him and look forward to this time off and the new season ahead. But all his brain wanted to think about was maybe if we would have gone with softs instead of hards or pitted one lap earlier or managed his tires better then maybe he would have been still coming down from the high of winning the championship right now instead of sulking about. 

He’d been a little distant since break started and you knew he was probably in his head about everything. So when a text pops up on your phone from him late one evening telling you to meet him at the harbor you don’t even think twice about telling him you’ll be there in ten. If you had to guess what he had planned, you’d bet all your money on taking his yacht out to look at the stars. It was something the two of you had done for a couple years now, but it was usually over summer break, not the week before Christmas. But for Charles you would do anything, even brave going out on the water, at night, during the winter. 

When Charles see’s you walk up to his slip on the dock wearing what looks to be the coziest outfit and holding his favorite blanket from your apartment he thinks his heart is about ready to explode. “You’re lucky I love you Charles. It’s gonna be so cold out on the water.” 

I love you. The words echo in his mind as he helps you into the boat. It’s nothing new for you two to say it to each other, and he’s under the impression you’re saying it platonically, but god does it sound so heavenly to hear those three little words come out of your mouth and be directed towards him. 

“I’m the luckiest man alive.” He’s referring to you and that glimmer in his eye would tell anyone that he was, but you don’t see it, you’re too busy getting situated in your designated spot next to the captain's seat. 

Once he’s got the boat a good enough distance out into the water he deploys the anchor and you make your way out to the loungers on the deck. You push two of them together, making a big enough space for both you and Charles to relax. 

You’re already cozied up with the blanket by the time he makes his way over to you, but he doesn’t even have to ask, you’re already pulling back the blanket for him to slide under. 

He lets out a sigh once he gets comfortable beside you. “I needed this.” 

A hum in agreement comes from you as you scoot a little closer to Charles, a gust of cold wind blowing through the air. 

“There’s the big dipper.” Charles points his finger up to the sky, your eyes following where he’s pointing to. The two of you take turns pointing out what you think are constellations, but are undoubtedly random stars in made up shapes, but it doesn’t matter to either of you. 

The gentle lull of the waves crashing against the boat fills the silence that falls between the two of you once you’ve run out of things to point out. And you’ve somehow ended up cuddled into Charles' side, his arm wrapped around you, and your head on his chest. You couldn’t help it, he’s always been a walking furnace, and when the opportunity presents itself to be in his arms you were gonna take it. 

It was something that was happening more and more with you two recently– pushing the envelope per say on what your friendship entailed. Cuddling, staying the night at each other's apartments, hands lingering a little too long after a hug were all normal things for friends to do– right?  Friends who somehow while doing these things couldn’t tell that the other person felt the same as they did. 

Love may be blind, but in Charles and your’s case, you were blind to love. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been out here, but you think you could spend eternity out here with him. The feeling of comfort, safety, and the feeling of home that he brings you when he’s around is something you don’t think you can ever live without again. He’s your person and you hope you're his, no matter what the future for the two of you entails. 

The feeling of his fingers ghosting across your arm and down towards your hand tells you he’s searching for one thing and when his pinky finger links with yours you know he’s got something on his pretty little mind. 

“You wanna talk about it?” You whisper, your head still resting on his solid chest.

He doesn’t respond for a while and you think he perhaps didn’t hear you, but then he speaks and it sounds like blasphemy coming out of his mouth. 

“What if I quit?” 

Your body freezes at his words and you’re hoping he’s not meaning what you think, but when you lift your head to see nothing close to a joking manner on his face you know this is about to get serious. 

“I’d think you’d be miserable. You love racing, you were born to do it, it’s in your blood Charles. All the hard work you’ve put in from a literal child to now–” You shake your head, not even wanting to think about him quitting racing. “Don’t be stupid and throw it all away. You’re just only getting started.” 

A deep sigh comes from him, his eyes fixated on your now intertwined hands as he rubs his thumb over your knuckles. “I’m not going to, but there were so many times this past season that I thought about it. I know that’s crazy to say after I won three times, but god the lows of racing truly are lows. I’d have a good weekend and then have literally a weekend from hell the next race week. It’s just a lot– mentally. Trying to live up to everyone’s expectations, the teams, the fans, the media, and my own is like a mental prison sometimes.” 

You had sat up at this point, and almost like a small child Charles had clung to you, his head in your lap as you gently ran your fingers through hair. You knew he had a rough season, but you didn’t think it had taken this much of a toll on him. 

“And you’re right. I love racing and I’d be miserable without it, but sometimes I’m miserable with it.” 

The frown that had formed on your face moments ago had deepened at his confession. “I didn’t know the season had affected you this much Charles. Wish you would have talked to me sooner about it.” 

“Sorry.” He mumbles. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for Charlie, you’re allowed to feel how you feel. And I know you probably get sick of hearing me say it, but I’m still so immensely proud of you. Like I’ve said before, you could finish dead last in every race and I’d still be proud. I know this season was a rough one at times, but you won three times and were on the podium eleven times. That’s still something to be proud of. So for every time you're miserable because of racing, think about me telling you repeatedly how proud I am of you and maybe you’ll just be miserable because of me instead.” 

You see the corners of his mouth move up and you know you’ve gotten a little smile out of him. “That’s funny that you think me hearing you say that you’re proud of me would make me miserable. It actually has the opposite effect, so your plan may work, but it would result in me being happier instead of more miserable, which is what I think we want to accomplish right?” 

“Yes, I love happy Charlie, but I still love miserable Charlie too.” 

He’s sat up, the two of you sitting face to face now, and you aren’t sure if it's the cool breeze or him staring at you that makes a shiver run up your spine. “That’s good to know.” 

He’s still staring at you and even with only the moon as your source of light, those pretty blue eyes of his are as bright as ever, and staring into your soul. And for a split second you think he’s leaning in and you think this might be the moment he’s gonna kiss you, the moment you’ve been waiting for since you were thirteen. But you’re completely wrong, he’s only reaching for the blanket as he leans back onto the lounger once more. 

“Merci Y/N, truly. For always being here for me, especially for tonight. It was nice to finally get that off my chest. Je t’aime.’ 

You claim your spot back next to Charles and you don’t even second guess yourself when you lay your head back on his chest. “Je t’aime aussi Charlie.” 

Charles, while he can’t complain about having you in his arms and your head on his chest. He can kick himself for that moment mere seconds ago. He was finally going to do it, it was the perfect time, but he chickened out and reached for the blanket instead of using that hand to cup your cheek. He could drive a race car at 230 mph, but couldn’t work up the courage to kiss the girl he was in love with. Maybe he’d find the courage sometime in the next four years. But for now he could live with having you cuddled up against him and knowing that even if it may be platonic, you love him too. 

twenty three and twenty six 

The Monaco Grand Prix. 

An world renowned event. A pinnacle for motorsports. People from all around the world come to the tiny principality every year to watch twenty of the world's best drivers race around the streets of Monaco. 

As a child you watched the grandstands go up every year and you dreamed of getting to watch Charles race those very same streets that you took to school. The two of you as kids watching from the crowd, not knowing that some of those drivers Charles would drive alongside one day, even being teammates with some of them. Charles could only hope that one day that would be him on that top step, hearing his own national anthem play at his home race.  

That one day had yet to happen after six seasons in F1. After three DNF’s, horrible strategy, and two lost pole positions– Charles really didn’t think winning his home race was ever going to happen. He had started to believe the “Monaco curse” more and more year after year. 

You on the other hand didn’t believe that the curse existed. You did believe that the idea of one had made Charles be more in his head when the race came around every year, and in a sense perhaps making him not perform the best at times. But no, you didn’t believe in the Monaco curse.

Every year you had hoped he would win and sadly when he didn’t you were there to pick up the pieces. You knew his time would come and granted you didn’t think it would take this long. But the universe works in mysterious ways, there’s a reason for everything, and you knew there was a reason Charles hadn’t won yet. 

And as this year's grand prix rolled around you hoped that this time the universe was ready to give him what he deserved. 

You did have a good feeling about the race this year, or at least a better feeling than prior years. It was mainly because Charles had been so– carefree these past couple days. He’s usually already thinking about Monaco at the race the week before and the nerves have set in come media day, but this year he’s different. 

He’s excited of course, to be at home for the week and to see everyone for more than a couple days, but during the days leading up to media day he doesn’t show you any sign of nervousness or doubt. And you can’t help but think that this year is the year, he seems to finally be in the right headspace to win this thing. 

Charles and you had spent basically every free moment the two of you had together this week. It was nice, the two of you together again like old times. You had gotten the week off from work, a perk from your job, and it wasn’t like Charles had to travel to another country. So, the two of you took full advantage of the week. Dinner with both families together, hanging out with friends, and just enjoying each other's company filled your Monday through Wednesday. 

But come Wednesday evening you found yourself at Charles apartment after a long day on the water with all your mutual friends. You’re absolutely beat and ready to be back at your place when Charles asks you to come back to his, and you want to say no, but the way he looks in golden hour could be used as a hypnotization technique, so you say yes. 

He claims he’s got something to show you, but the whole car ride and trek into his apartment he won’t budge on telling you what it is. It isn’t until he sits down at his piano with a blush creeping up his neck that you know what he’s got to show you. 

“Have you been working on new music?” You ask with a hopeful smile on your face. 

His fingers ghosted over the keys and his pinky lightly tapped one– the sound filling the room. “For a while now and I think it’s finally ready.” The blush had made its way onto his cheeks and he’s fidgeting with his bracelets as he makes eye contact with you. “So, I think it’s only right that the person that it’s for should get to hear it first.” 

Your eyes widened in surprise and now you’ve both got crimson painted cheeks. “You wrote a song for me?!” 

“Yeah.” He states sheepishly. 

You’ve always loved hearing Charles play the piano. There were many late nights spent where you sat in his apartment and just listened to him mess around on the piano. Those nights were shamelessly some of your favorite moments with Charles, it was like the world didn’t exist and it was just you two and the piano. So to know that he thought and even cared enough about you to write you something had your heart about ready to leap out of your chest. 

“Well, let's hear it then.” You sat down on your usual spot on the couch and eagerly waited for the music to hit your ears. 

He hesitates at first, his fingers slightly slipping on the keys, but once he gets himself sorted the sound that comes from that piano nearly brings tears to your eyes. It’s beautiful and heartfelt and you can’t believe he wrote something like this while he was thinking of you. It’s tugging at those feelings you’ve still got for him after ten years and you try not to get your hopes up that this means he feels the same as you. 

When the song is over his head immediately turns to you for reassurance, but all he sees is your body barreling towards him. You’ve got your arms around him before he can even process what’s happening, but from your excited words of nonsense he knows you loved it. 

“Oh mon dieu!” Is the first coherent thing you’re able to get out. 

“I take it you liked it?” 

“Liked it? I loved it Charlie! It was beautiful and the fact that it was for me made me love it even more. Truly what did I ever do to deserve someone like you in my life? Merci a million times.” 

“I’m glad you loved it. I’ve been working on it for months, wanted to get it perfect in time to show you now.” 

You’re both beaming at each other and to anyone from the outside looking in, the two of you looked so in love it was crazy. Crazy that the both of you have been harboring feelings for each other for years and years and neither of you have made the first move. 

“Will you play me some more?” You try to give him your best puppy dog eyes and of course he can’t say no to you, puppy dog eyes or not. You give him one last hug as a thank you before you sit back down on the couch and let the melodic sounds soothe you. In fact it soothes you so much that combined with the tiredness from being on the boat all day you end up eventually falling asleep. 

You don’t even realize you’ve fallen asleep until you feel Charles gently shaking you awake telling you that is time for bed. It’s not uncommon for the two of you to spend the night at one another’s places. You’ve spent many nights in Charles' guest bedroom after drunken nights out or sometimes just for fun. You’re clinging to him, still basically asleep, as he helps you walk towards what you think is the guest bedroom, but it’s his. 

Charles was only going to grab your pajamas that you had left here last time, they were just in the laundry basket on his dresser and it would just take a second. But you followed him into his room still thinking it was the guest room and Charles doesn’t even know you’ve come in behind him until he turns around to see you crawling into his bed.

That all too familiar feeling starts to bloom in his chest as he sees you curled up and comfortable in his bed. He’d want nothing more than to climb in next to you and hold you all night, but he knows the guest room is his room tonight. Charles doesn’t even make it two steps before you call out his name. When he turns around he’s not expecting to see you lying there staring at him with those sleepy eyes, comforter pulled back as you pat the empty spot next to you. He knows he shouldn’t, this is different than cuddling on the couch or sharing beds as kids, it feels different at least. But against his better judgment he climbs in next to you and like he’s your missing puzzle piece you instantly slide into Charles arms. 

It’s like home, being in each other’s embrace. 

The next morning when you wake up in Charles' room it takes you a minute to remember everything, but the blush that creeps onto your face at the memory of you and Charles cuddling in his bed is embarrassingly bad. And you thank god Charles isn’t next to you right now to see it. 

You do wonder where he’s gone though. He’s not in the living room or kitchen, and it’s still too early for him to have left for media day, but then you hear complaining coming from the bathroom. 

“Maman! No, that's going to be too short!” 

As you peek around the door frame you find Pascale cutting Charles' hair, a tradition the two of them have had every year before the Monaco GP. 

“Charles last time I checked you’re not a hair stylist, let your Maman do her job.” You teased as you finally entered the bathroom and you see him roll his eyes at you in the mirror.

Pascale lights up at the sight of you and leans over to give you a quick kiss on the cheek. “Mon amour, you’re here early.” The look on her face tells you she knows you spent the night, but it’s not like it’s something new or anything happened. Hell even if she didn’t know she could definitely tell you had just rolled out of bed. 

“I spent the night. Fell asleep after we were out on the boat all day.” You shrugged your shoulders, it truly was no big deal (you sleeping in his bed and cuddling with him aside). 

She doesn’t say anything, but she does nothing to hide the smile on her face and sly looks she gives you and Charles the whole time she’s cutting his hair. She’s been waiting for the prophecy to fulfill itself forever and that prophecy just so happens to be Charles and you ending up together. Call it Mother’s intuition, but she’s known you two were made for eachother since you were kids. If you didn’t end up together soon she was going to have to do her own plotting to get you two to fess up about your feelings.

Pascale can see how you two look at each other, how Charles’ eyes light up when you enter the room. How you’ve always been his soft spot since you were little kids. The way you speak about Charles like he’d hung the stars and the moon in the sky. She knew you fell first and Charles a couple years later. All these little things she’s noticed and stored away for that eventual wedding day. 

You can see Charles staring at you through the mirror and it’s making you squirm, his eyes burning into you. “You gonna get rid of that facial hair too?” You try to get him to focus on anything other than you at the moment. 

His mouth opens in fake shock and Pascale curses him for moving. “I’m actually thinking of growing a full beard.” 

“Oh please don’t.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘’t.” 

Charles and you don’t speak about you spending the night in his bed or in his arms. In fact you don’t see him again until qualifying on Saturday where he puts it on pole. You’re ecstatic and you can tell he is too even though he’s trying to remain calm and collected while he does his press duties. He’s gotten pole two times before in Monaco, he knows pole doesn’t mean you win, but he can’t help but think it’s a good sign. 

That night you find yourself back at Charles' apartment by his request once again. Which was a surprise, you figured he’d want to be alone the night before the big race. But it’s quite the opposite, he wanted your company, he can’t get how good it felt to have you in his arms in his bed the other night and he selfishly hopes it happens again tonight. 

“Feeling good about tomorrow?” You asked as the two of you sat down for an amazing pre race dinner of pizza. His trainer may not like it, but you two thought it was a good idea. He needed all the positive energy he could get and if that meant pizza for dinner, then so be it. 

“Yeah. The car has been consistent the past two days and I’ve got pole.” He paused for a moment and you can tell he wants to say something, but he stuffs his mouth with pizza instead. You don’t press the matter anymore, figuring he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, didn’t want to possibly jinx anything. It’s a relatively quiet dinner the rest of the time, he asks about how your job is going and you two shamelessly gossip for a moment about two old friends who recently broke up. 

It’s not until you’re putting the leftover pizza into the fridge that he brings up tomorrow again. 

“It feels right this time.” He’s leaning against the counter, eyes trained on you as you turn back around to face him. “I mean tomorrow– it feels right. I think it’s gonna happen.” 

A smile tugs at the corners of your mouth as you move to lean against the counter next to him. “I think so too. You’ve been different too, more relaxed this week. Think it might be the universe telling us it’s finally gonna happen?” 

A deep sigh comes from Charles. “Mon dieu I hope so.” 

You glance over at the time on the microwave– 11:00 p.m. Shit. You didn’t think it was that late already. 

“It’s getting late Charles. You should be in bed and I should be heading home. It’s a big day tomorrow.” You go to give him a hug goodbye, but he’s just staring at you, and it throws you for a loop. “What’s wrong?” 

He swallows hard, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. Was he sure he wanted to ask you this? Would it make things weird? It never has before when he’s asked you, but this time felt different. Fuck his palms were drenched in sweat and he could feel his heart beat racing. 

“Um– well you could just spend the night if you wanted to” 

You try not to act like you weren’t silently hoping the whole night that he’d ask you to stay. You had figured he wouldn’t want you to again after you basically invaded his bed the other night, so hearing him tell you to stay made you a little giddy. 

“Traffic is a nightmare this time of year…” You act like you're weighing your options while you fully know you’re going to say yes. “Probably take me twice as long to get home, even at this time of night.” You fake ponder some more, really putting on a show. “Yeah I guess I’ll spend the night.” 

He tries to hide the smile on his face when he hears you finally accept his offer and as much as he would like to stay up and talk some more, he really did need to be getting to bed. “Well, I probably should be in bed by now. So I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?” 

“Yeah. I should go to bed too.” 

So you follow him down the hall towards the bedrooms. When he reaches his room he opens the door, but lingers in the doorway. You being a couple paces behind him, figured he was just waiting to tell you goodnight. But when you reach the guest room, which is across from his room, he doesn’t say anything to you. Your hand lingers above the door knob and something inside of you tells you not to open it– to turn around instead. 

You’re met with his piercing blue eyes staring at you as you turn around. His gaze sometimes could be so intense, but this time you matched him. There was an obvious tension in the air, but neither of you were brave enough to be the one to break it. Then suddenly you see Charles nod his head towards his room before finally going past the doorway. He’d left the door open behind him and you knew that was just another unspoken invitation. And like a moth to a flame you followed behind him, not even second guessing your actions. You hadn’t even opened the guest bedroom door, you were a goner as soon as he asked you to spend the night. 

For the second time in a week the two of you shared the same bed, not sexually, but it definitely wasn’t friendly or at least how normal friends would share a bed. But tonight he’s in your arms, your fingers lightly combing through his hair as he rests his head on your stomach. He falls asleep rather quickly, his light snores filling the room, but sleep evades you that night. Your heads a mess, you can’t help but think that Charles has to feel the same way as you, there’s just no way that he doesn’t. 

What man is this intimate with someone in a non sexual way and doesn’t have the slightest bit of feelings for them? But then your heart breaks at the idea of him just stringing you along and you know you’ve got to set up some boundaries to protect yourself. Unfortunately you were never going to be the one to admit how you felt first, so unless he spills his guts, then this was the last time you’d share a bed with Charles like this. 

The next morning he’s already gone and at the track by the time you wake up and when you grab your phone from the nightstand you see he’d sent you a text. 

Charlie: i left early this morning and you just looked too peaceful to wake up before i left. so i’ll see you before lights out. 

A sigh escaped past your lips as you tossed your phone on the bed, today was going to be a long day. 

You made the journey back to your apartment to get ready and then fought the traffic again to get down to the circuit. The hustle and bustle distracts your brain from continuing your spiral session from last night, something you were grateful for. You were here to cheer on and support Charles, not go into a frenzy once again about whether or not he likes you. 

A good amount of your time is spent in Ferrari’s hospitality chatting with everyone and discussing potential outcomes for the race. You don’t end up seeing Charles until the time between the drivers parade and race time. He’s in his drivers room when you find him and he’s literally the calmest you’ve ever seen him before a race. 

His face lights up when he sees you and he’s immediately pulling you in for a hug. “Didn’t think you were gonna come for a second. We’ve usually seen each other by now.” 

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Just got caught up talking to everyone and you know how our Moms get in a large group. I had to wrangle them in before they invited everyone over for dinner tonight.” 

“Well I don’t plan on being home for dinner tonight. I’m going to be out celebrating.” He’s got a cheeky grin on his face as speaks. 

You laughed lightly at his new found confidence. “Oh someone is sure of themself.” 

He only laughs along with you, as the two of you sit down on his physio table.

The two of you chat some more about random things, like if he’s planning on going to Jimmy’z or someplace else tonight. You don’t even realize how long you’ve been talking until he gets a knock on his door letting him know it’s twenty minutes till lights out. Before you leave you stand in front of him, holding out your ring clad pinky finger and like a natural reflex Charles wraps his around yours, pulling them close to his chest. 

“You’re gonna do great and when you take that top step on the podium I’m gonna be there front and center cheering you on.” 

“You better be.” He’s serious, he doesn’t want to win this thing if you aren't right there alongside him.

“I promise Charlie.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You think you might pass out or throw up when the lights go out and the race finally begins. It then turns into thinking you’re going to do both when there’s a red flag not even halfway through the first lap. Your mind automatically goes straight to Charles and your stomach churns at the idea of him being hurt, screw the win, all that mattered to you was that he was okay. Thankfully he’s not involved in the crash, but the red flag lasts for what seems forever. And eventually you have to endure the start of the race again. 

You’re a nervous wreck the whole race, but you think with how hard Pascale has been gripping your hand that she might be more nervous than you. It’s the longest 78 laps of your life and you’re praying he can maintain the lead, put a big enough gap between Oscar that he can just ride this race out. Lap by lap he’s holding steady but that just makes you more nervous. The knot in your stomach grows more and more as that lap number gets closer to 78. 

He’s driven so well the whole time you couldn’t have been more proud. You’d been holding back tears since lap 68, but when you hear him over the radio on lap 75 say that he’s just going to bring it home you can’t help but let a couple tears fall. And by now you know the win is his. He’s got almost a nine second lead and as long as he keeps his head clear he was going to be the first one to see the checkered flag. 

The feeling of seeing Charles cross the finish line and knowing he had won was indescribable. The whole Ferrari unit was going crazy, already rushing down to be there when Charles got out of the car. You’re cheering as tears run down your face, your Mom and Pascale hugging you, the two of them also in tears. It’s surreal, him finally winning, you can only imagine what he’s feeling like right now. You waste no time in heading over to get the best spot to watch the podium ceremony. You’re front and center, the metal barrier pressed up against your abdomen as more people fill the crowd behind you. 

The feeling you got seeing him come out, take that top step, and proudly hold that trophy was something you wished you could feel forever. To see him wrapped up in the Monaco flag as the anthem played, the visible weight taken off of his shoulders. You were so unbelievably proud of him and so utterly in love with him. The tears just wouldn’t stop coming as you watched him shine up there. The universe had finally decided that this was his time, he was destined to win this race today. 

Charles feels on top of the world as he looks down at everyone in the crowd, he can’t believe he’d finally won his home race. He’d immediately spotted you as soon as he took that top step and he could see how happy you are for him, tears streaming down your face paired with that beaming smile. His heart has never felt as full as it does right now. And as he stands there hearing his national anthem play at his home race he knows that today was meant to be. The universe put him here, put you here, for a reason. He’s tired of pretending like his life wouldn’t be better without you being his. The two of you haven’t broken eye contact for awhile, both of you grinning like fools, and he decides that now is the time. 

“Je suis amoureux de vous” He mouths to you. 

It takes you a moment to realize what he was saying, but when you do you think you’re dreaming. There’s no way he just admitted to being in love with you right here, during his podium celebration. You pinch yourself just for good measure before mouthing it back to him. And if it was even possible his smile gets even bigger. 

You’re the first person he wants to see after the celebratory champagne pop. He can’t wait a second longer to tell you how he actually feels out loud. He doesn’t care that he’s drenched in champagne or that there’s hundreds of people around. He’s waited too long to let a moment like this go by. He’s pushing his way through the crowd to find you, he’s basically getting manhandled, but he doesn’t care, you’re his priority. And when he finally finds you it’s like a scene straight out of a movie. 

His adrenaline is pumping and he doesn’t even think about what he’s doing, he’s just running straight towards you, his heart fluttering when you smile at the sight of him. His hands cup your face and in an instant his lips are on yours. It takes you by surprise, but once your brain finally processes what’s happening, you grab him by his race suit, pulling him closer to you, deepening the kiss. He tastes like champagne and sweat, his lips soft, and his facial hair tickles your face. Kissing Charles is everything you could have ever dreamed of and more, you’d never thought the day would come. 

When you finally pull back it feels like the world is spinning and Charles laughs at you being drunk off one kiss from him. His hands cup your face once more causing you to focus on him. “I’m in love with you. Have been for years, but I’ve just been too scared to say anything, but winning today let me know the universe was on my side. And I couldn’t pass up the opportunity once again to tell you how I feel.” Your eyes widen at hearing him say he’s been in love with you for years. “Don’t act so surprised. I made it painfully obvious sometimes.” His dimples peaking out as he smiles at you. 

“I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen Charlie.” 

Now it’s his turn to look surprised. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Was too scared that you didn’t feel the same.” 

“I could never not love you Y/N. It’s always been you, you’re my person. I wish I would have  told you sooner so I could have been doing this more often.” He pulls you in for another kiss and you think if he didn’t have his arms around you your legs would have given out. 

Never in a million years did you think that Charles would be confessing his love to you after he’d just won his home race. If thirteen year old you could see you right now she’d probably die. You can’t believe the man you love with every fiber of your being loves you back. The universe definitely wanted today to be a win not only for Charles, but for you. 

He grabs your hand and presses your ring clad pinky finger to his lips. “Mon coeur.” Then he presses another kiss to your lips. “Je t’aime.”

“Je t’aime aussi.” 

thirty three and thirty six

The summer sun had started to make her farewell to the principality of Monaco, pink and orange hues swirled in the sky. A little boy and girl play on a weathered playset, their giggles echoing through the open air. The sound of a screeching sliding door tells them that their Maman is coming to get them before they even hear her holler their names. “Come say goodbye to grand-mère and grand-père!” 

Their tiny bodies run towards the house and are soon met with lots of hugs and kisses from their grandparents, who they see very often, but it wouldn’t seem like it by the way they were acting. 

“Ok, who wants ice cream?” Their Papa asks after all the goodbyes are said and they are out the door. 

“Me!” Is said in unison from the two children. 

The little girl has her Papa wrapped around her finger, he just thinks the world of her as they walk hand in hand down the street, while the little boy is definitely a Maman’s boy. 

“You know your Maman and I used to come to this place all the time when we were younger.” 

“We know Papa, you’ve told us a hundred times, and we come here all the time.” The little girl sasses her Papa.

“I know but I just like to reminisce.” The man gives his wife a wink and she knows he’s about ready to go down memory lane.

The journey to the ice cream shop is filled with stories about their younger years and luckily for the children the ice cream shop isn’t that far away. 

That all too familiar sweet smell soon fills the parents senses and it brings them back to when they were around their children’s age. That same bell on the door dings as they enter and that same old man who should have retired a decade ago is still working behind the counter. 

“Ah the Leclercs! My favorite family. You know I’m gonna have to start making extra vanilla ice cream just to accommodate you guys.” 

taglist: @rana030 @blueflorals @sltwins

[gallierhouse]

I’m fascinated by the class and wealth difference between Louis and Lestat. Louis is wealthy, but he’s also gens couleurs, and he’s clearly treated as a second-class citizen during the Jim Crow era. But he’s upper class within the Black community of New Orleans; he can trace his lineage (he makes a comment about his grandfather being a free man of color in the pilot, thanks to @avilehungerforyourhammeringheart for the correction, and he identifies himself as Creole) and he’s wealthy. Lestat’s nobility, but he grew up poor enough to be illiterate, and then he came into money from Magnus, and moved to New Orleans portraying himself as a wealthy aesthete. You can see it in their taste. Louis’ taste is fairly conservative, he likes nice things, but he has no great need to cover himself in jewels and flaunt his wealth. Lestat, conversely, flaunts everything he’s got and loves to buy expensive, attention-grabbing things. Claudia’s similar to Lestat. She’s obviously from an impoverished background, so when she gets adopted by Louis and Lestat, she develops a fondness and fascination for the finer things in life. Lestat and Claudia have excessive taste in response to the lack of luxury their childhoods provided them. Distinctions like “nouveau riche” are tasteless as they are classist, but both Lestat and Claudia really act like they are, despite the fact that Lestat’s literal nobility. I don’t really have a point here; it’s just interesting to see how their upbringings manifest in their behavior. It’s especially interesting when it comes to Louis, because he occupies this in between space wherein he’s very privileged in some ways (compared to say, the whores he employs, or someone from Claudia’s background) and violently oppressed in others (Jim Crow, the unbelievable cruelty and racism of people like Alderman Fenwick, the fact he has to sit separately from Lestat in the bus, the fact that Lestat has to be a co-owner for him to have his own business, a million indignities); how he immediately feels more free in Paris, where he’s seen as Creole instead of Black. Then there’s the complication that Louis had to run a brothel to upkeep his family’s lifestyle, which isn’t really the sort of business someone from his social standing should be involved in, which is why he doesn’t talk about it with his family. He’s a survivor. Doing what he has to do to be who he’s supposed to be. Willing to do the dirty work if that’s what it takes to keep things together. I don’t really think of Louis as a social climber because he’s not really attempting to climb social ranks duplicitously as he is interested in amassing capital, but as the lines between class and wealth blur as we move from the twentieth to the twenty first century, he’s clearly carved out a piece of the pie for himself. He started dealing art in Paris, now he’s a millionaire (not quite a billion). When he goes home to New Orleans they call him “sir” instead of “boy.” He’s survived it all.

[tealvenetianmask]

More about Blitz and anger . . .

Anger is a super stigmatized emotion. That's for a reason- it's powerful. When we see it from other people it's usually externalized- it's ugly, aggressive, shows up in abusive situations- it sometimes leads to violence. But when we talk about righteous anger, or the anger of marginalized people, we sometimes praise it. That's because anger can be empowering too.

I want to talk about how Blitz's anger, while it's also destructive at times, has empowered him.

Personal note: when I was a kid, I was yelled at frequently by my mother. The house I grew up in was a 60's rancher with a long hallway in the center, and she would chase me down the hallway yelling. As I grew older, I learned to yell back. Feeling anger and externalizing it didn't make the hurt go away, and it didn't solve our problems- it turned us into two people yelling at each other- but it did make me feel less helpless.

So let's look at Blitz as a kid. In addition to guilt tripping him, his father tells him that "there are scarier things," than stealing from a wealthy and (literally) powerful family, and he doesn't disagree. I think this screenshot captures their relationship pretty well.

We see moments of defiance from Blitz though, even as he's very much under Cash's control. Georgia Dow pointed this out in her video about how Blitz learned resilience in his childhood. Here, have some defiant expressions:

Notice Blitz's eyebrows here, mirroring his father. I suspect that as he grew older, Blitz learned to push back harder, to argue, maybe even to yell. He learned to channel his anger- at being used, diminished, devalued (very likely yelled at and probably physically hurt too) into expression, into fight (I don't picture him physically fighting Cash, but the guy has fight in him- of all kinds).

He learned to feel angry at the world and express that too- for treating imps as lower than other demons, for limiting his options in life, for filling the road to success with exploitation (as we see in the Mammon flashbacks with Fizz).

Speaking of that flashback, he's very ready, as a teenager, to express anger exactly when he needs to for the purpose of protecting a loved one.

Fast forward to the present.

Blitz's anger helps him stand up for the people he cares about- see Fizz in the present at Mammon's show but also Moxxie in Spring Broken.

It helps make him good at his job too. When we see him fight, he doesn't tend to seem all out enraged, but he's super determined and all in. He's at home in a conflict. When he's doing his best fighting, we see a mix of the "angry" facial expressions and pure confidence.

Anger also helps him manage a lot of difficult emotions. Disclaimer (and idea I'll get back to soon)- I said manage, not deal with.

When he interacts with Verosika and with Robo Fizz early in season 1, there's genuine underlying pain from how the relationships with Verosika and the real Fizz ended, but he channels that into anger. The anger makes him take action (Good action? Eh. But still action- he's not crying on his couch.) rather than get consumed by more painful emotions. He's able to keep going.

It also gets in his way, even as he uses it as a coping mechanism. Is his anger at Muffy and the Karen in the doctor's office understandable as he's dealing with his frustration about the inaccessibility of healthcare for Loona and his worries about losing Stolas? Yes. Is it helpful? No, probably not.

It isn't useful with Stolas either. Stolas is this person who's kind and beautiful and quirky and able to match his wit, and who Blitz has grown genuine feelings for, but who is also deeply entwined in the unfairness in Hell's society that Blitz has grown to resent throughout his life- AND Stolas unknowingly participates in some very familiar microaggressions himself.

Blitz channels a whole range of complicated emotions- love, fear, despair at the thought that he isn't loved back- all into anger because he HAS been wronged and his world IS unfair, and anger is COMFORTABLE because anger is ACTIVE, and with it he doesn't have to just let things happen to him!

So we end up back here.

[aeruia]

⌕. WIND BREAKER

⟳. WHAT ARE WE ?

suo hasn't been treating you differently to others yet you think it’s unusual which led to you going insane from all the thinking you did when in the end you two end up being together.

pairing/s : suo hayato x gn!reader

warning/s : lowercase intended , childhood friends to lovers troupe RAHHH ( idk if this is a warning but ill still put it )

word count : 2.7k

note : i only read this once and i think i used the " you " and other words repeatedly but i tried my best on searching other terms 🥲 and me still centering everything when it’ll just be mess up on pc or laptop 😭

꒰ masterlist 𖦹 wbk masterlist ꒱

suo hayato has been your childhood friend like literally. you guys were friends in the age of five or six you can’t remember but you and that man have been friends for like decades. well, practically you both grew up together just by how close you two are.

he’s the only man closest to you other than your father. he’s similar to a brother figure and you only see him as that yet the brown haired man’s action says different. thinking about his actions late at night has made its way into your night routine.

what was your night routine during the time you never questioned his actions? it’s simple — you eat, do your skincare, brush your teeth and go to sleep. nowadays, you just lay in your bed staring at the ceiling recalling every interaction you had with that man. there are also days you can't hold it and scream at your pillow because of how kind he is to you.

it’s normal and you're only thinking that and making it deeper that it shouldn't have because what if there’s an actual meaning in there and you’re just brushing it off? these thoughts never fail you to stay awake at night.

your alarm goes off as you hit it to turn it off, you feel a little bit groggy as you force yourself to sit on the edge of your bed, rubbing at your eyes to remove the sleepiness you’re feeling. “ gosh, i feel more tired than usual. ” you thought to yourself as you stand up, making your way on the bathroom to wash your face.

luckily there wasn’t any school today or else you’re cooked knowing yourself you’ll doze off in the middle of the class. you cursed suo as if it was his fault that you didn’t get enough sleep. ever since you started thinking his actions have more meaning — it made you more delusional.

delusional that he likes you, you don’t even know what is his motive for that or maybe he’s just fucking around, you have no clue plus it’s messing up your mind. letting out a sigh while you dry your face up using a towel leaving your bathroom to prepare your breakfast and that you can leave to roam around the town besides you need to restock up your fridge too.

you slip on your shoes and your bag slinging it on your shoulder as you lock your apartment door.

the sun shines on your face making you squint covering your eyes with your palm while you look down squeezing your eyes shut because of the sun directly hitting your eyes.

you straightly made your way into the café that kotoha runs wanting to have a drink before walking to the market.

“ hello, [name]! how are you? ” you heard kotoha ask when you’re literally just about to step foot inside. “ i’m fine, thank you for asking. ” kotoha nodded, satisfied with your answer as she set down a plate she was just wiping a minute ago.

three minutes later, kotoha placed your usual drink in front of you as she continued to wipe the plate she put down earlier. the door opened the bell rings signaling that someone stepped inside the café and it was just the trio. sakura, nirei and suo.

“ oh! kotoha and [name], hellooo !! ” he greeted both of you and smiled as kotoha greeted him back. the brown haired girl greeted the three of them as sakura and nirei sat next to each other while suo sat next to you.

suo propped his elbow as he rest his chin on his hand before smiling at you. “ what are your plans for today? ” he asked. he always asks you what are your plans once he gets the chance to talk to you. “ walk around the market, my fridge is almost empty. ” you replied. suo looks at you and nods. “ i’ll tag along. ” he said giving you a close eyed smile.

you raise one of your eyebrow as you looked at him and looked at nirei and sakura who was chatting with kotoha. “ we just finished patrolling. ” he said when he noticed you were looking back and forth to say that “ suo, you’re hanging out with your friends. ”

“ oh! wouldn't they mind if i steal you from them, then? ” the brown haired boy shook his head left to right. “ i’m sure they won’t — right sakura and nirei? ” he asked as he looked at the two boys while sakura looked at him as if he was angry when he literally just don't get it. “ huh? oh yeah, it’s alright! ” nirei said when sakura is still puzzled. “ what are you guys say- ” he tried to chime in but got cut off with nirei just saying that sakura also agrees.

“ see? they wouldn't mind. ” the smile on his face never faded as you nodded sipping on the drink that you almost forgot about.

you finished your drink as you thanked kotoha before leaving money on the counter as you waved them goodbye, suo doing the same.

“... is that why he asked if it’s alright? ” sakura asked while he eats his omurice. nirei and kotoha nodded in sync.

you were glad suo tagged along or else your hands are full of fruits, vegetables and meat. you were buying a lot so it will last you for a month so you can avoid leaving your apartment to buy the ingredients you need if you’re craving something.

“ ahh, you’re buying a lot are you planning to lock yourself in your apartment? ” turning around to face suo as you blinked at him. “ obviously not, i can’t live without interacting with someone. ” you said, turning your back against him as you buy an ice cream. “ do you also want one, suo? ” suo declined your offer as you just shrugged and thanked the old man who was selling the ice cream, taking a spoonful of it, consuming it.

the vendors or the elders that are in the same place you two are also have been mistaking you and suo that you two are together so whenever you decline or suo decline it they will say that it’s a pity you and him aren't together since you two look good together.

every time you hear it you can't help but sigh internally because you’re confused about how you see him and also confused about how he sees you, you were in your own world thinking about the things everyone said to you and suo.

if he didn't pull you out of the way you would have been hit by a kid who was paddling fast like they were in some kind of race.

“ you never change [name], ” he said as he release his hold on your wrist. “ don’t zone out like that. ” he added making you let out an apologetic smile, leading him into a bench. “ let’s take a break for now then let’s go to my apartment. ” you said. both of you sitting at the same time.

you take a spoonful of the ice cream again, consuming it as you repeat it and in a second the cup of ice cream is finished. “ wait, ” suo said making you look at him as he places down the plastic bags on the ground before he takes out a handkerchief, wiping the corner of your lips making you surprised your hand moves in its own putting a hand on his wrist, making him stop his movement.

“ why are you doing this? ” you start, your hand still on his wrist as he tilts his head to the side. “ just, what are we suo? ” you finished, looking at him there was a glint in your eyes that suo couldn't understand what it is. “ what do you want us to be? ” his question made you huff taking your hand off his wrist.

this man got you in a chokehold and that annoys you because why does he have such a huge effect on you? did he put you in a spell or something?

he puts down the plastic bags on your kitchen counter while you look at your list everything is checked out except for " a carton of ice cream " written with a red pen. you wanna ask suo if he wanna tag along to go to an ice cream store together.

“ looks like you got something on your mind, ” looking up to see him standing in front of you, his hands on his back. “ are you able to go with me to the ice cream store? i’ll buy you an ice cream too! consider it as a reward for helping me. ”

the both of you walked into the ice cream store as you shivered a bit because of how chilly it can get inside the store. you quickly goes to one of the ice cream freezer, sliding the glass as you grabbed an ice cream that was stored in a tub and an ice cream that was in a cone.

the brown haired boy only stared at you — having a hard time picking which flavor you should get. “ suo, what should flavor should i get? ” you asked him, showing different flavors of the ice cream. “ that one. ” suo replied, pointing at your favorite flavor at all times.

nodding at his reply putting the other flavors back to the freezer as you closed it. “ what about you? what ice cream do you want? ” you asked, suo taking the ice cream out of your hand, walking into the register to pay for it.

you stand there stunned as the tall male gave a smile leaving with a small thank you.

he left your apartment as you sighed in relief. you let out a silent scream, putting both of your hands on your head before running into your room.

what happened today just made you wonder about it more. when suo asked “ what do you want us to be? ” just keeps repeating over and over again like it’s on loop. do you want to be his? or do you want to stay friends with him? that thought made you stay awake all night.

you were looking at the ceiling again having a staring contest with it — you’re in a predicament that looks like you can solve easily yet it’s hard.

suo is a mysterious person. everybody knows that including you, of course. you’re no exception when it comes to that, that man can read you like an open book when it comes to him? you can’t exactly pinpoint his exact feelings seeing that he always have a smile on his face.

“ what do you want us to be... ” you recalled what he said as you smiled, kicking your feet under the sheets. just what will you do without him? you two aren’t even together and here you are blushing and kicking your feet.

the next day, you feel your eyes can't open temporarily because of how tired you are feeling. at the same time, you forcefully opened your eyes looking at yourself in the mirror. there’s a bag under your eye, a clear sign that you didn't get the sleep you want.

today, you’re feeling extra insane from all of that thinking you did last night. “ maybe hanging out with suo today will fix everything? ” you asked yourself, taking your phone out texting suo quickly.

spoiler alert — it didn't fix everything or maybe it did?

now, you two are sitting outside of a small cafe, a drink infront of you while on suo have nothing but just water.

“ well.. i expected you would only drink water so i brought teacakes. ” you stated, placing a box in front of him as he gave you a bright smile. “ ah, how thoughtful of you. ” you brush it off saying that he deserves it.

“ suo! ” someone called out, both of your head turning to who it was. a blond hair boy and a black and white hair boy walk towards to where you guys are sitting.

the blond hair boy scratches his cheek with his index finger while the two toned hair boy has both of his hands in his pocket — the one they all have in common is they all wear furin jackets.

“ oh, uhm are you on a date.. ” the blond hair asked nervously not wanting to interrupt as suo shook his head which made him sigh in relief.

“ don’t get the wrong idea, me and suo are just friends! childhood friends to be exact. ” you explained with a smile. seems like he’s rubbing off on you by how you smile more often.

you continued to sip your drink while suo talked to them for a bit. not long after they had walked away to do their own thing, suo’s eyes are fixated on you again. you ignored it by looking at your side which is inside the cafe.

“ how come, you’re always like this with me? ” you blurted out a question while he bites on the teacakes you had brought him. “ i know you’re aware of your actions. if you don’t stop i’m close to falling for you. ” you said in a joking manner as he just smiled in return.

“ i’ll wait for that day. the day you’ll fall for me. ” he said as he showed you a smile — a smile that’s so breathtaking, if they challenge you to look at him like this, tell everyone you’ll be out there with a huge amount of money.

you’re probably overreacting it or is it just you but he looks more handsome than usual?

“ let’s go, it’ll probably get dark later. ” his voice grabbed you out of your train of thoughts as you nodded, standing up and taking the drink you failed to finish.

as usual, suo walks you to your apartment. you mumbled a thank you, as you ran quickly inside your apartment slamming the door.

you rubbed the back of your neck, feeling embarrassed at what you said back there in the cafe as you sit on the floor, leaning on the door. it’s confirmed, suo hayato will be the death of you.

days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. you can’t handle the feelings you have for him. you always tell yourself that if you’re ever friends with someone it should only stay as friends however that’s not the case here anymore.

day by day the only thing that you have in mind was suo it was always him. it was like his name was imprinted on your brain. you could never go on a normal day without thinking about suo.

inviting suo into your apartment wasn’t in your to-do list yet you still did it, therefore you two were sitting on the floor across from each other. rambling about your school and things you had seen when you were out.

and that’s when you did something stupid next thing you did was ramble about how you like him so much and that you still think about what he said when you two were in the cafe. to top it off you weren't even drunk, you never even had a single alcohol in you.

“ to answer your question about what do you want us to be, i’d like us to date. ” you noticed the silence when you finished talking.

“ well, that took you several months to answer my question. ” he teased and laugh which made you embarrassed.

“ don’t rub it off my face! you wanna go on a date with me or not! ” you said heat rushing up to your cheeks. suo finding this adorable as he lifted his hand to pinch your cheek. “ i’ll go on a date with you, my treat of course. ” he said, pinching at your cheek making you scrunch your nose before pulling away his hand.

months had gone by after that date you two had. it was memorable for you.

you were eating ice cream again while suo wipes the side of your mouth to clean the ice cream that remains. you finished the ice cream again in no time, throwing it into the nearby trash can before glancing at the man in front of you.

“ what are we? ” the question you asked when you’re so puzzled about his true intention. suo laugh “ we are a happy couple. ” he answered, as you giggle like a kid that got something they want.

you convinced yourself that those sleepless nights. the nights you wouldn't even get a blink of sleep because of the constant thinking you do because of him.

date posted : 063024

[dinarosie]

I Was Bullied Too, So Why Didn’t I Turn Out Like Severus Snape?

I came across an anti-Snape post where someone shared their experience of being bullied in school. They said that even though they were bullied, they were able to overcome it, which is why they admired James Potter—because he changed and stopped being a bully. However, they hate Snape for not being able to move on from his past and for still behaving like a bully towards kids.

Everyone has the right to hate or love the characters based on their taste but What bothers me is how people often compare their own trauma to others' and disregard the genetic and environmental differences that shape us as individuals. I’ve decided to write a long post comparing my own life with Snape’s—two people who were both bullied as children. it was difficult for me to write this post, but I hope this comparison shows that not everyone who experiences bullying ends up the same. The variances in our upbringing and support systems play a crucial role in shaping who we become.

When I was seven years old, I was mocked and humiliated by a group of older girls on the school bus (they were eleven at the time). They made it clear that they bullied me because I was smaller and weaker than them. They treated me in a way that made me believe I deserved their bullying. I thought a weak and ugly girl like me was deserving of all their humiliation. They would mess up my hair, pull it, and ridicule me for having messy and ugly hair. Whenever I cried, they laughed. They didn't even let me be friends with other girls. To torment me further, they would point at me, whisper to each other, and giggle, making me feel even more isolated. I had allergies and a runny nose, and they wouldn’t let me wipe it, which they used as another reason to belittle me, saying I was disgusting. Even if there was an empty seat, they wouldn’t let me sit with them because I was "gross." I was terrified of them, hated school because of them, and cried every morning, begging not to go to school.

But why didn’t I turn out like Severus Snape?

1- I grew up like a normal child in every other aspect of my life. I was cared for and valued. I always had birthday parties with cake and gifts. I was praised when I got good grades. I had friends outside of school to play with, went on family vacations, and had fun times. From childhood to adulthood, I’ve had a safe home, enough sleep, good food, and a loving family.

2- I had parents who loved and cared about me. When my mother found out about the bullying, she went to the school and demanded they stop it. My parents also enrolled me in a private school to protect me from further bullying. When I started having nightmares and trouble sleeping, they took me to a child therapist.

3- My grandparents adored me. I would stay at their house when my parents were at work, and they made my childhood even more joyful. I always had safe arms to run to. Plus, my aunts and uncles cared for me and regularly took me to parks and other fun places, showering me with gifts and making sure I enjoyed my time.

4- My family had a respectable place in society, and I was never shamed or humiliated because of my family's circumstances. My father cared for me, my sister, and my mother, and he worked hard to provide for our needs. He respected my mother, and I never witnessed any abuse from him toward her.

5- My family had a stable income, and I always had new, appropriate clothes to wear. I never had to worry about poverty, hunger, or wearing hand-me-downs that would make me feel inferior to my peers.

6- My bullies mocked me, but they never caused me serious physical harm. I never feared for my life or sexual assault at school. The bullying was short-lived, lasting less than two years, and by the time I was a teenager, it had completely stopped. As I grew older, I made plenty of good friends and was popular among them. I have many fond memories from high school with my friends.

7- As a teenager, I didn’t worry about my future. My concerns were not about surviving a war, avoiding humiliation, or escaping poverty. I was free to plan my life, knowing I would go to university and study what I loved. Whenever I needed help, I knew I could count on my family—they were always there to support me.

8- I’m a psychology student, and studying this field has completely shifted my perspective on myself and others. It has allowed me to see the world with greater depth and empathy. I’ve become better at recognizing not only my own psychological wounds but also those of others, which has helped me connect with people on a deeper level. I've also sought therapy, both in-person and online, and have seen positive results. While I still struggle with some issues from my past—like feeling insecure about my appearance, doubting people’s motives, and having a hard time trusting—I’ve learned how to manage these feelings fairly well.

All of these factors combined have shaped me into someone different from Severus Snape. Yes, I was bullied, but I didn’t turn out like him because, unlike Snape, I was given numerous opportunities to grow, to experience love and joy, to heal, and to find pleasure in life.

Now, It’s much easier for someone like me to be kind and nice to others, to love people, to forgive myself and others, and to move on from those who don’t like me. It’s easier for me to see the world and people not as threats but with a more mature and balanced perspective. but I’m under no illusion that I am a better and more worthy person than Severus Snape or anyone like him who didn’t have the chance to heal. I simply know that I’ve been luckier, and for that, I’m grateful. But I never want to dismiss or belittle the suffering of others or blame them for their psychological struggles.

I can’t say for certain what I would’ve done in Snape’s exact situation or how bitter I might’ve become. But I’m certain of one thing: I could never be as brave or as selfless as Snape was, sacrificing his own life so readily for others. I know that I could never be a hero like him.

[spidybaby]

golden child part 3!!!<3

Golden Child | part 3

Summary: As your relationship with Pedro progresses, the relationship you have with your brother is in a limbo.

Warnings: cursing.

A/N: Hello, this was fun to write. Even tho it took me a lot more than I was expecting. Buuuut, I do hope you like this 😋💛

Also, special mention to @gadriezmannsgirl girly luv yu 💛

Part one | Part Two

"Tell me, where do you think all of this started?"

"The exact time?"

"No, but since you remember."

"I think I was six. Not sure, but I remembered that the first time I felt some kind of envy was when we got our grades back. She was the best of the three."

He paused for a moment. He was trying to remember, remember the way he felt.

"I tried my best, but that wasn't enough. No matter how much I studied, it did not matter. My mom asked my sister to help me with math one time, and I felt so stupid. I was the star on the field, but at home, I felt like I didn't matter."

"Do you think your parents focused more on your sister than on you?"

"No. Mom and dad dedicated all the time they had on the same level. They did what they thought was best. They worked so hard for us."

"And your other sister?"

"Aurora to me was a safe place." He smiles, thinking about her. "She was the shoulder to cry, the arms to go to after a good or bad day. She was home."

"I want to ask, do you feel you were outshine in your family? Not by mom or dad, by maybe the rest?"

"Well, I don't know if outshine is the term I'll go for. I think sometimes we were put against each other."

"In what way?"

"If I score at a game and got the team to win, my family was there to remind us that she was the best grade of all the cousins, siblings. But if she won a trophy for a science fair or something. They were there to congratulate me for the medal I got. Ignoring her."

"And how that made you feel?"

"Like I needed to win everything. Be better than her." He confesses, saying that outloud for the first time. "I wanted to feel like I was making them proud."

"You mentioned someone here, a friend from childhood. You blame her for making him leave. Why?"

"Arturo, he was my best friend. One night, he told me that he never wanted to see me or her again. He wanted nothing to do with us. And the commo denominator there was her."

"What happened after that?"

"I treated her like crap." He sighs, covering his face. "I used to be so mean, such and asshole."

"Elaborate on what you did to her."

"Bueno que también era un niño y no supe manejar mis emociones." (I was a kid who didn't control his emotions) he shrugs. "I used to pull her hair, I used to pinch her, I used to hurt her not only physically but emotionally. And I regret that."

"Why do you regret it?"

"Because I thought that hurting her was going to make me feel better. That's why I isolate myself from her. Because even though I felt good when I was a kid. It didn't as I grew up. And I was too dumb to recognize that."

"You told me that your sister Aurora tried to remedy things."

"She did. She used to play mediator with us, and at the time, I was fifteen. And I used to think that it was fun making her whine and cry. I thought it was a play from her. But I was only hurting our relationship more and more."

"And Aurora never told you anything in private?"

"She tried. But I cut her off leaving the room or not hearing her."

"Talk to me about the last fight."

"I got injured, right. So I needed to be taken care of, mom couldn't. Dad couldn't. Aurora couldn't. So, mom called her, and she helped me. But I-"

He takes a moment to continue. Lying was one thing, thing he thought was okay. Now that he admits he fucked up, it was a hard pill to swallow.

"I told my friends that she was my cousin. And while helping me, she and my friend Pedro got close during this time, Pedro told her about the lies I said. And she didn't say anything. Not to him, not to me. When he found out about it, he confronted me about it. And told me friends didn't lie to each other."

"Take your time. Breathe."

"I felt like the night Arturo left because of my sister. I went home, yelled at her, and well, hurt her."

"How do you feel now?"

"Como un hijo de puta, I feel so fucking bad, because my parents think it's on them, because Aurora can't even be around me, because Pedro and I don't even talk and because I think she will never speak to me in her life." (like an asshole)

"Okay, let's take a breath before continuing."

- three months later

"Pablo, are you joining us?" Javi asks him, entering the room without knocking. "Get up, let's go."

"No."

"Get your lazy ass up."

Javi grabs the pillow Pablo is using, hitting him with it.

"Con una mierda, Javi."

"Oh, don't get fussy, let's go. We're waiting for you."

"We? It's more like you 'cause Aurora is definitely not."

"If you're not down in five, I'll come back with ice cold water."

Pablo and Aurora haven't talked in months. She will do anything in her power not to talk with him. Asking his parents or boyfriend to deliver the message. Texting instead of talking. Everything.

You told her that was totally unnecessary, but she wanted to keep a silent vow. And she was doing such a splendid job in her brothers opinion.

"Hola."

Pablo noticed the way his sister quieted down once he joined. He hates it.

"Finally, we were about to leave." Javi says, excited to get the two siblings together. "Eat something, we're living in ten."

Aurora and Javi planned this hiking trip two weeks ago, but Javi wanted Pablo to join them, wanting to be the one to get these two on talking mode again.

When they left, Aurora was in charge of the music, always playing something she could sing, so she didn't give any opportunity for Pablo to engage.

The hiking was great. They were climbing this place that was open for hikers. The view was beautiful and the air was fresh.

"I want a picture of this view. It's amazing."

"So beautiful."

"Take a picture of me, please."

Aurora hands her phone to her boyfriend, but he has other plans. "Hey, I think I drop something. Pablo, take the picture, and I'll go search."

Before they could say anything, he ran a little away from them.

"Okay. Let me take that picture."

"No."

"Rora, por favor. It's just a picture."

She stares at him for a few seconds, handing the device into his hands. Pablo can't help but smile a little, taking the pictures.

"I been going to therapy." Pablo confess, he's proud of the progress he has made. "I've been constant and it's been so much help."

His parents agreed on not telling anyone, letting him choose who to tell. Aurora noticed some changes, mostly his attitude in the field. He was calm and not as aggressive as before.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "What I did was wrong, the way I reacted. I hurt you, and I regret it."

"You not only hurt me."

"And I'm sorry for that too. But right now, I need to apologize to you."

Aurora stays quiet, a little too long for him to become nervous.

"You know I love you, cabezon." She hugs him. "And I know you're trying to be a better person. You're my baby, and I want the best for you and the best right now is what you're doing."

Javi is smiling from afar, seeing that his plan was successful.

- four months later

"Mami, please. I think I'm ready and I really need to do this."

"Pablito, sorry but no."

"Papá, please help me."

"Sorry, mijo, I'm with mom. We think it is too soon for you to do this."

He buffs, angry at the fact that his parents don't think he's ready to talk with you.

"Fine, I don't care."

But he cares, he wants to apologize, he wants to fix all the things he broke. The therapist told him that if he made a big progress, he had been working on himself.

His whole demeanor changed, and fans have noticed that. He was not that little bomb ready to go off with the minimum touch.

He still has that force and energy on the pitch. Just this time, he's controlling his reactions, choosing his battles.

The whole day, he spent it on his room. He was taking the weekend in Sevilla. He felt needy of love from his family. Needing some homemade food, some quality time with his father.

"Hey, cabezon. Dinner is ready."

"I'm not hungry."

"Pablo, what's going on?"

"I want to talk with Y/n, I feel ready to apologize. But mom and dad don't think the same."

"Ay pablito," Aurora patt his arm. "I know you feel ready, I really do. But in my opinion, you need a little bit more time."

"Just give me her number, please."

"Cabezon, we're not doing this. Let's go eat."

"I don't like you guys." He says, getting inside the bathroom.

- five months later

"Gavi, Pedri, Fermin." Xavi calls. "You're against Araujo, Ale and Robert."

"Pedri, do you wanna be on the center?" Fermin asks. "Let's do this, I'll go for Ronald, Pablo can attack Ale and you Robert, vale?"

Pedri and Gavi nod, positioning themselves next to each other. Since the last time they talked, Pedro was distant. If they had to talk, they did, but most of the time, Pedro would be next to Ferran.

The game was fun. The whole team had a good time. But in Pablo's mind, he needed to talk to Pedro, get on good terms with him.

He waited till the end of training, not wanting to ruin the mood. "Pedri"

"Mhm?"

"Can we talk? Please."

Pedro thinks about it for a while. He's not sure if it was the time or place. "Sure, let's just get a shower and then talk."

Pablo agrees, wanting to wait till the others are gone so they can talk alone with no one to bother them.

"Ferran, te veo en casa de Hector. Bye." (I'll meet you at Hector's)

"Okay, platanito. See ya. Bye Gavi."

Pablo waves him goodbye. He's anxious about the talk.

"So." Pedro says, taking the lead. "How are you?"

"Good, it's been good. Can't complain."

"That's great. I notice you're improving with the penalties."

"Yeah, getting better." He smiles. "How is your leg? How are you feeling?"

"So much better, thanks for the recommendation with the doctor. She's a life saver."

"The physio is the best, she knows how to create the best routines."

"And how is your family?"

"They're good, mom and dad are going on a little vacation, and Aurora is staying with me for a few days."

"Qué envidia, yo también quiero unas vacaciones." (What an envy, I want some vacations too) he laughs.

"How is she?" Pablo drops the bomb.

"She's fine."

They both stayed quiet, and the awkward moment grows by the minute.

"I need to ask you a favor."

"Pablo, I don't like where this is going "

"I need to talk to her. Por favor." He begged. "I really need this."

"No, hermano. I can't help you."

"Listen, I really need to speak with my sister."

"With who?" He asks, laughing, the bitterness of his tone is clear. "I thought that for you she wasn't your sister." Pedro, use the words Pablo told you.

You told him what happened after he insisted. You wanted to keep him away from the drama, but he wanted a new start with no lies.

He left Pablo alone in the dressing room. Angry but quiet. He can't deny the surprise he has at his friend being so calm.

- six months later

"I have something for you"

"Another gift?" You ask laughing. "Pedro, you really have to stop with the gifts."

"Never." He leans over to kiss you. "Te quiero." (I love you)

"Te quiero mucho más." (I love you so much more) You return the kiss, grabbing his cheeks to get him even closer. "What is that?"

He hands you the bag. The big white bow makes it look more fancy than it should.

"No, you didn't."

"I hope this covers my debt."

The dress he, in his own words, ruined with his drink at the party, that party where you shared your first kiss and the same night when he made you his own.

"Oh, Pedro!" You throw yourself at him. He receives you with open arms. "You're such a lover boy." Kissing his cheeks, making him laugh.

"I thought I was your golden boy."

"That too."

"C'mon, we don't want the lasagna to burn," He carries you bridal style back to the kitchen. "Again." He whispers the last part, mouth against your cheek, making you laugh.

"Okay, put me down." You kick your legs in the air. "Hey, tomorrow Aurora and I are going to go shopping. And I know your mom's birthday is coming, so tell me some ideas of what can I get her."

"I think she would want you to have dinner with her instead of a gift, mom is more family like, so yeah."

"Pepi." You sigh, "y si cago las cosas con tu madre?" (what if I fuck things up with your mom?)

"Deja de pensar eso. Mis padres te adoran, incluso les caes mejor que Fer." He laughs. (Stop thinking that. My parents love you. They even like you more than Fer.)

"That's good news then." You laugh with him. "Can I have her number then? So I can arrange something with her."

He nods, handing you his phone. The picture he has as a lockscreen is the two of you in a picnic he planned where he asked you to be his girlfriend.

Some fans noticed the new lockscreen and began creating some theories about who you were. You both were very careful with the fans and the pictures. You didn't want to be public, and he respected that. He was also being a very private person.

The two of you had dinner between laughs and funny stories that Pedro shared with you. You loved how he always plans nights with you even with the little time he has.

🔅🔅🔅

"Javi and I are staying at this amazing airbnb. I need some away time."

"But again, if I mention that I sleep over at Pedro's, you got all crazy."

"I'm not engaging in this talk." She says, walking away to another section of the store.

You both were shopping for her getaway trip, and you loved spending time with her. "Look at this." You grab a one piece that matches her style.

"When are you going back home?"

"Mmm, maybe during this break, I miss everyone. And my room."

You keep looking for something you can get, not liking much of the store.

"I want to ask you, mom, and I are planning this dinner for dad's birthday." She says slowly. "And mom wants to do it at Pablo's. If we decide to make the party there, would you come?"

"I don't know." You mumble. "If it's for him, I would go. You know I don't have a problem with Pablo."

"But?"

"But I don't want to he a burden or create drama."

"You don't create drama Y/n, he does. He always does."

"Always is a little dramatic. He's dumb but not that dumb." You roll your eyes at her.

"A veces creo que eres demasiado buena para todo lo que te ha pasado." (Sometimes I think you're too kind for everything you been through)

"Am I supposed to let this be my villain story?"

"No." She laughs. "Well, to me, that would have been the beginning."

You finish shopping some outfits she put together. Moving yourselves to the food area.

"How are you and Pedro doing?"

"We're good." You blush at the thought of him. "I can't deny you that I'm falling in love with him."

Aurora screams, making some people turn to her. "Rora, stop." You cover your face.

"I can't help it, I've been waiting for this moment since we were kids, and we talked about getting married at the same time in a candy castle."

"A veces te pasas un poco, Rora." (You're a little too much sometimes)

🔅🔅🔅

"Can you turn the AC off? Or pass me your shirt?" You say, getting you head up off the pillow. "Please, it's cold."

"I like you more without it." He walks back to the room with a wet cloth in his hands. He cleaned you slowly, kissing your knees. When he's done he throw the cloth somewhere around his room. He gets back in bed with you. "I love you."

"I love you too." You kiss his cheek, caressing the other one with your tumb. "But turn the AC off."

"Luego me pediras volver a encenderlo" (you will ask me to turn it back on)

He turns on a movie, arms never leaving you. His way of aftercare is touch. He likes being close to you, hands up and down your back, lips on your forehead, hearts in syntony.

This time was no different, one hand on your head, massaging your scalp. Loving the little sounds of satisfaction you make.

His other hand is on you back, drawing little nothings into you. Loving the heat of your body in the cold room.

You kiss his jawline, the raspy feeling on your lips is intoxicating, something you love feeling every time you kiss his cheeks or his jawline.

The movie was playing in the back, you humm the song that's playing in the soundtrack. Lips glued to his skin and hands on his chest, his heartbeat can be felt.

"Let's go to Tenerife this weekend." He breaks the silence between you. "El Mister nos dio cinco días luego de haber ganado. Así que podemos ir por tres o cuatro días si tu quieres." (Mister gave us five days after the win we got, so we can go for three or four if you want)

"Actually, I want to tell you something. I need your opinion."

He waits for you to tell him. You're not sure if bringing the topic is tue right thing to do.

"Mom and Rora are planning this birthday dinner for my dad, and I'm not sure if I want to go."

"You don't want to go to your father's birthday?" He lifts his eyebrows in surprise. "Why?"

"Not that I don't want to go, I do." You sigh tired. "But the thing is that they're hosting the dinner at Pablo's."

He only hummed, not sure what to answer. He's not one to tell you not to go or to force you to go if you don't feel good doing it.

You free yourself from his hold, sitting and looking for his t-shirt. He stretched to the floor, reaching for his shirt and handing it to you.

"I'm undecided." You pouted. "I told Aurora that I want to go, but I'm not sure if Pablo wants me there."

Pedro scratched your back in a confort way. He does this as a way to let you know that he's there and he hears you.

"I don't want any drama, especially not on his birthday."

He thinks about that time in the dressing room when Pablo told him about needing to speak with her.

He didn't tell you about it, mostly because he didn't want you to get triggered about it.

"Pepi," you call him. Taking him out of his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"I have to tell you something."

You waited a few seconds, but after the seconds turned into minutes you decide to ask him.

"Tell me what?"

"Pablo and I talked."

"Okay, about what?"

"Nada, quiere hablar contigo pero le he dicho que no." (Nothing, he wants to talk with you, and I told him no)

"When did this happen?"

He sighs, not wanting to admit that he hid this from you. "Like a month ago."

You turn to him, his hand rubbing his eyes. "A month?"

You tried to process everything. Pablo was looking to reach you out. "Pedro, por qué no me dijiste?" (why didn't you tell me?)

"I'm honestly not sure, I wanted to, but I just forgot."

"You forgot?" You scuff. Se te olvidó decirme que Pablo está buscándome? Y tu le dijiste que no?" (You forgot to tell me that Pablo was looking for me? And you told him no?)

"I'm trying to protect you."

"Mi amor, you should have told me."

You stayed quiet, both of you did. The only sound is the movie still playing.

Your mind is running a thousand miles per minute, questioning everything. Your forehead frowned.

Your eyes look for Pedro's eyes, his eyes glued to the ceiling. Your expression softens. You know he's very protective.

You stretch your arm, hand grabbing his chin to make him look at you. "Thank you, honestly." You smile. "I know you wanted to protect me, I love you."

His hands reach for yours, bringing it to his lips. "Te quiero, preciosa. I promise I didn't mean to keep this, I just didn't find the right time to tell you."

He opens his arms for you. Smiling sweetly, that smile that you can't say no to. You fall into his arms.

"I don't like when you're sad, and I didn't wanted you to feel forced to talk with him when you weren't ready."

"Stop, I get it." You kiss him to stop him from speaking again. "Does Saturday, Sunday, and Monday sound good to you?"

Hie frowns in confusion, not getting what you mean. "What?"

"You said five days. And the dinner is on Friday so we can visit Tenerife for three days and come back so you can rest on the fifth day."

"Mirame." He says, releasing his grip on you. "You're the best, and I hope you know that you will have to die in order for me to let you go."

"And I hope you know that even if I die, I'll come back to get you and kill you to be with you as ghosts together."

He grabs your cheeks, slamming his lips into you. "Wait." He breaks the kiss. "Would you be nice to me when you kill me?"

"Mmm, not sure. If you make me feel good right now, I'll consider it." You joke, smiling as you sit on his lap, your lips looking for his.

- 30 hours before the party

You stood in front of the door. Code already in, but you can't seem to open it.

"Are you okay?" Aurora asks, she's behind you waiting for you to enter.

You nod. You're not sure if you're really okay. You want to stop thinking of the fight. The memories make your head hurt.

"Hey!"

You turn your head to your boyfriend. Pedro drove you and Aurora to Pablo's House. He wanted to make sure you felt comfortable.

"Hey." You whisper, head inside the window car.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." He reminds you something Aurora told you.

"I want to."

"Okay, I'm going to be around here. If you need me, call me."

You smile, walking fast to his side of the car. "I love you. Please don't park a street away and pretend you were somewhere else."

"Ay Joder, you ruined my plans."

After a kiss goodbye and he promising not stalking from afar. You stand next to Aurora. She opens the door and grab your hand to walk inside.

"Pablo!"

You grab the bag of groceries she has in her hands. Walking to the kitchen to leave them there.

"Someone wants to see you."

"Really, who?"

The steps coming closer to the kitchen are making you nervous. Even when Aurora told you to be calm and that nothing was going to happen, you can't help the feeling.

"You coming?"

You grab her hand, squishing it in a way of comfort. His back is facing you. Even his back has this towering feeling.

"Cabezon," Aurora says, catching his attention.

When he notices you, his whole face changes. His expression is softer, but still having his signature frown.

"Voy a dejarlos solos, así pueden hablar. Estaré arriba." (I'm going to leave you two alone. So you can talk. I'll be upstairs)

The silence is thick. The whole thing was uncomfortable for the two of you.

"I like your shirt." You say, not sure on what else to say.

"Thanks, mom got it for me on my birthday."

"Right. Well, happy belated birthday."

"I still have some candy in the freezer if you want. You like it."

"No, I don't." You shake your head no at the thought.

"You don't? What about all the times you used to freeze the candies when we were kids?"

"Pablo." You sigh. "The one that likes frozen candy is you, I used to freeze it for you, not because I was eating it."

"Oh." He joined his lips, and bit from the inside, thing he does when he's nervous. "I want to say that I'm sorry."

You squeeze your eyes. Was he saying it because he felt it or because mom told him to?

"I made a mistake. And I blame hurted you in a way I never meant to." He walks closer to you. "I'm really sorry, you didn't deserve the way I treated you, the way I hurted you."

"You told me that you hate me." You walk past him to the other side of the room. "And that I'm not a sister to you."

"And I regret doing that. I was wrong."

"You hurt me, and I'm not talking about the things that happened that day, I'm talking about everything you did to me."

"I was angry at you!"

"Why?" You say matching his tone. "To my knowledge, I've done nothing wrong."

"Eras tan jodidamente perfecta y todos te querían." (You were so fucking perfect and everyone loved you) he finally says. "You were the favorite in school. You were so good at everything. And then our family used to be like 《oh but Pablo is only good at football. She's the best at every other thing》 I could help it, I was dying out of envy. I wanted to be you."

You stayed quiet. You knew he didn't like it when family members compared the two of you. Your mom tried to stop it, always reminding him that you were two different people.

"Pablo." You tried to get closer. "You didn't have to be me. You were amazing."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Pablito, come here." You open your arms to him.

For the first time in so long, you hug him, his arms squeezed you, his head on your shoulder.

"I need you to believe me. You were and are amazing. Look at you, playing on the team of your dreams, with the national selection. I wish you would have told me this before."

"I'm sorry, I was so angry at you."

"I'm not perfect, Pablo." You caress his back, trying to calm him down. "I'm so far from being perfect. And you know that."

"Well, you don't know how to cook rice."

"Shut up, you eat it."

"No, but I'm really sorry. I don't hate you, and you are my sister."

"It's okay, Pablito."

"No, it's not.' He break the hug. "I was so wrong, all this years. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for all these years."

"It's okay. We have time to fix this. We can do this together."

"Te quiero, en serio lo hago. Even tho you burn the rice." (I love you, I really do). He says, laughing. "Please, forgive me."

"Te quiero también, siempre lo haré." (I love you too, always do) you hug him again. Enjoying the feeling.

- three days later

"I want to be a mermaid." You laugh as Pedro splash some water on your face. "You definitely be the crab."

"The crab taking care of the very pretty mermaid?"

"I'll make you take care of a manatee."

"Are there any manatees in Spain?" He asks, confused. "Never seen one."

"You're so weird, but I love you like that." You hug him from behind, using him as a personal flootie.

You spent more time in the water, enjoying the vibe of the island. The sun, the air. Everything with him.

"Mamá nos hizo sus famosas croquetas, así que al fin las probaras." (mom made us her famous croquettes. You're finally trying them)

"Maybe I like them more than I like you." You laugh, grabbing his hands and bringing him close. "Or maybe I'll seal the deal with her over her son."

The kissing didn't last long, as Fer went looking for you to bring you over to the tasca.

"Fer, when are you introducing me to your girlfriend?"

"When he finds one." Pedro laughs.

"Hey!" Fer says, poutting. "That's mean."

🔅🔅🔅

The sun is setting, leaving this magical orange tone in the sky. You smile for the picture, Pedro insisted on taking a picture of you.

"You look amazing."

"Take a picture with me."

"Always."

His lips on yours, making you feel like drunk in love.

"You have no idea how in love I am with you." He says, eyes shining with honesty. "I got to thank Pablo for getting injured."

You laugh at his joke. "We got to thank him."

"No, but really. I love you to a way I never thought I would, even if we haven't been together for that long. Your eyes, your hair, your heart, the way you laugh, or the way your eyes shine when you talk about what you love, the way you always make sure everyone is comfortable. The way you love your family. The way you love my family, how you're with Fer. You're just you. And I'm thankful for that.

You feel like crying. Nobody ever loved you the way that he did, never sharing a love so pure and so great.

"And you are you. For me, it's the way you love football, the way you love your mother's food, how funny you are, and how much you turn into a little kid every time we joke around. How much do you work and get better at everything you do. Your accent is beautiful, your love for your family, for your brother, and your love for me. Because I never thought I would find someone like you."

- two months later (Barça vs. RMA)

"I bet that goal was for me." Fer jokes, making you laugh. "The eyes were looking at me."

"Definitely, I think the wink and the kiss were a symbol of brotherhood."

"I hate that you follow my jokes." He shoves you delicately. "Like, get angry or something."

"Don't even try. We grew up with that." Aurora says, pointing at Pablo. "So, not a chance, she's well trained."

"Yeah, the only one who has to worry here is Chris. She's the one that has to put up with him."

"I'm not sure myself." She laughed at the jokes.

Chris is Pablo's girlfriend. He introduce her to Aurora and to you a few weeks ago, and you now bring her around everywhere like a little sister.

The referee announces the end of the match, and the team won. It was a good day for everybody.

"Let's go, señoritas." Fer gets up, offering his arm to you.

"Let's go, señorito." You joke with him.

You waited by the car, talking about the meal Fer prepared before the match and was waiting for you at home.

"Hello, hello." Aurora say to Pedro and Pablo.

"Omg, you guys did amazing!" You hug Pedro, kissing his cheek. "Congratulations, baby."

"Yeah, yeah, kiss kiss, let's go home, I'm hungry."

"You're just jealous of her." Gavi jokes, hitting Fer in the head. "She got your brother."

"I was his go-to, now I'm the seconds one." He fake cries. Making you all laugh.

"And I got your sister." Pedro shoves Gavi's arm playfully.

"Yeah, you better take care of her. If not, you saw how I shoved Vini? That would be you."

"Okay, stop it. Let's go."

You start walking toward Pedro's car, hand in hand with him while Fer was telling him something.

"Oye," Gavi shouts. Making you all turn. "Me darás mi abrazo?" (Do I get a hug, too?) You let go of Pedro's hand, running to your brother. "Venga."

You land in his arms, squeezing him. "I love you, Pablito."

"And I love you." He kisses your cheek, letting you go. "Let's go, I want some of that burned rice."

"Hey!" Fer says, "my rice is not burnt." He makes Pablo and you laugh.

🔅🔅🔅

🏷: @gadriezmannsgirl @percysley @jajajhaahaha @cinderellawithashoe @alwaysclassyeagle @christianpulisic10 @utdmount @lilians17 @urmotheris

[mischieveousmayhem]

Hiiii I was wondering if I could request a Deku x reader and jealous ochako??

It goes where reader and deku are childhood besties like pinky promised to marry each other when they get older besties but reader had to move away to another country due to being accepted into one of the most prestigious quirk schools in the world (besides UA) and she ends up coming back to Japan during the UA sports festival and her and deku have a sweet reunion but ochako seems to be a bit jealous of reader and tries to make it obvious abt how she feels abt deku but in the end ultimately decides her jealousy isn’t worth losing her friendship over and deku and reader end up together :3

"Until we meet again.."

a/n: ok this took me a minute to figure out what i wanted to do but please enjoy! i did see the other part anon , where you requested what the quirk is, i just spiced it up a little! also please request guys im so uninspired till i see requests.

pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Fem! Reader , one sided Izuku Midoriya x Ochako

Warnings: Jealousy, Cursing, Making Ochako act slightly fannon and annoying, Reader moves to Getmaly

Genre: Fluff , maybe slightly angsty?

Synopsis: Y/N L/N finally returns to Japan where she can finally see her bestest friend. However, someone (Ochako) has a crush on her best friend, Izuku. When Ochako sees the two super close she tries to steal all of Izuku's attention away from the reader. But is it worth the loss of making her crush, but friend hate her?

Readers Quirk: Energy Absorbtation. User can absorb energy around them (ex. electricity, heat, etc.) and release powerful bolts of pink bolts. User also has laser eyes and can absorb enough energy to fly . (Basically Starfires powers but using energy to create the power). However the user must be super careful! Absorbing too much energy can make them have too much adrenaline and lose control and go manic!

—

"HEY!" A small voice boomed across the playground.

The ash blonde and his friends turned to see to see who was yelling at them. The green haired boy sunk more thinking it was just another person who would treat him the same as the ash blonde, Kastuki Bakugou and his friends were.

"Leave him alone! He didn't do anything to you."

Looking at the figure it was a girl, she had H/C pigtails and beautiful S/C toned skin. This made Bakugou smirk. Really? A girl tryna challenge the great Katsuki.

"Ooohhh I'm so scared , what is a little weak girl gonna do." He sarcastically remarked.

She smiled, "Weak? You call this weak?" There are pink bolts forming around her hand.

"Wowww so your a night light?" One of the ash blondes friends say.

"Hmm, no." She takes the bolts and pulverizes a nearby petite plant. The ash blonde and the rest of the bullies eyes widened, "Could be you next by the way." She said knowing that the plant was only turned to ashes for two reasons, it was a small plant and secondly, she didn't really know how to use her quirk that well so she absorbed a powerful bit.

Bakugou snaps out of it, "Yeah whatever, I'm not scared of you. We're just gonna leave cause we don't hang around useless nerds." Bakugou leaves while his "posse" follows behind him.

The girl walks up to the green-headed boy on the ground and reaches out a hand. He immediately takes it.

"Thanks for that..." He spoke shyly not knowing the girl who was seen as a stranger.

"No problem! Whats your name by the way?" She smiled.

"Izuku Midoriya."

"Cool name! I'm Y/N L/N"

"Nice to meet you L/N"

"Please just call me Y/N!"

From then on the two hung out more and more each day and they grew closer and closer. To the point where one day when they were playing house in Y/N's backyard a conversation came up.

Currently the two had stuffed animals and dolls as kids and Y/N smiled "I can't wait to have a life this growing up! It's so fun being married to you too!"

"Yeah it is fun. I want to have a life like this when I grow up to! Being a hero and having kids that look up to me would be a great life" Izuku smiled at her agreement.

"I have an idea, when we grow up, let's get married!" She exclaimed.

"Okay!" He says giving her a hug.

Once the hug breaks she holds out her pinky.

"Pinky promise?"

Their fingers lock.

"Pinky promise."

The two were super estatic to grow up and marry each other. However they ran into a road bump.

"Izuku..I'm sorry but I have to leave the country. I got an offer to go to a better school than U.A."

Those words rang into Izuku's ears everyday even to the present day. Everyday he missed her , everyday he wanted to see her face to face instead of just texting her or calling her. He missed her dearly. Y/N was like Izuku's oxygen. He felt it hard to breathe without her. However her going away didn't set him back from his journey to becoming number one hero. In fact, it pushed him harder.

This takes us to present day, the day Y/N gets to come home. Although it is not permanent, Izuku is very happy she is coming back home even if it's just for the festival. Sure all his friends were nice at U.A. Especially Ochako. She considered Izuku her best friend, but he didn't consider his. Y/N would always be his best friend no matter what.

They haven't been separated that long either it's been like what? A year? Maybe a little less? Either way he was just happy he was going to her again. And again was today.

Waiting at the bus stop for her to get off, Ochako stood next to him, more like against him, she gave him like zero personal space. They were gonna walk with Y/N to U.A since she must not be familiar with Japan anymore.

"Soo who are we waiting for?" Ochako started conversation.

"My childhood best friend." Izuku says.

Ochako questions, "Oh really? Did they not pass the exam go get into U.A?"

"Actually that's not it at all. She got an offer to take an exam at a much more prestigious school and she passed. She is one of the top students in her class." Izuku explains.

She? His best friend was a she? This made Ochakos stomach turn into knots. She has had a crush on Izuku for a while but he knew his so called childhood best friend longer. What if he liked his childhood best friend instead of Ochako? Is that why he ignores all her small hints? Or maybe the boy is just oblivious as hell.

Snapping her out of her thoughts, the bus pulled up and there came a beautiful S/C toned girl who stepped off smiling as wide as possible.

Izuku didn't even almost notice her! She had changed so much. Her hair had pink highlights, the same shade as her energy bolts along with puberty hitting her like a bus, and not just her body, but her face matured. The only thing that made Izuku sure it was her was that wide smile and her glimmering E/C eyes.

"Izuku!" She jumped and embraced him. Before he could even embrace her back they started flying in the air in circles. After 5 seconds of spinning Y/N made sure both their feet touched the ground.

Ochako just stood there awkwardly watching this entire interaction. However her awkward stance is what was hiding that boiling feeling inside her.

"You can fly now?!" Izuku exclaimed at Y/N.

"Yeah! Training really does help you explore what else you can do with your powers." She smiled. "I can't wait to see your awesome quirk today at the festival."

She knew Izuku got a quirk , however she didn't know the backstory on how or why he got it so late. She didn't even bother to ask because the boy was happy and she wouldn't dare ask unless he offered to tell her.

"I'm gonna try my best to win." He says before turning to the awkward Ochako.

"Oh Uraraka, this is my best friend I was telling you about! This is Y/N and Y/N, this is Uraraka." He introduced the two.

Y/N stuck out her hand in front of Uraraka to shake it, "Nice to meet you, by the way you're like soo pretty."

Ochako shook Y/N's hand, "Nice to meet you too, and thanks." She said, but you could hear the slight bitterness in Ochako's voice.

The three walked to U.A together, mainly Izuku and Y/N talking and laughing while Ochako trailed behind them, like a third wheel. This wasn't fair. When Y/N wasn't here Izuku would be talking and laughing with her not Y/N. She would just have to get Izuku's attention some way.

—

Before the festival started Izuku and Y/N shared on more conversation.

"Woww , it must be fun to be able to compete! In Germany we can't compete in festivals till we're second years." Y/N explained.

"I wish so too, I would love to try to compete against you so I can show you how I can beat you with my quirk." He said pumping a fist up.

"And may she might, young students!" All Might appeared out of no where behind the two. The voice startled Y/N but when she turned around she saw All Might.

"Oh my stars! It's All Might!! Wait what do you mean?" She titled her head.

"I have heard about you , L/N. You and your fellow students were in a magazine a while ago." He explained, while Y/N's eyes lit up. "I can speak and have it arranged for you to join us in our festival. I want to see you at work."

"Oh my stars! Really?! Like really , really?!" Y/N was so happy right now she looked like she was gonna pee herself.

"I can try. Now wait for me outside in the hall while I speak to this young student." All Might says as Y/N obeys and closes the door on the way out.

All Might shrinks back down to regular old Toshi. He coughs before speaking.

"Does she know?"

"No, I didn't tell her."

"Good , I was afraid you would tell her especially since she doesn't go here." Toshi says, weakness in his voice. "I'm going to go take her to talk to the other pros in charge to see if we can get her to join the festival. I know you will do good Midoriya." He places a hand on Izuku's shoulder before going back to being All Might.

Before leaving he turns around and says, "Good luck."

—

Y/N hummed as she changed in the locker room. Ochako so happened to be there getting prepared. When Ochako spots her she immediately tries to avoid Y/N however Y/N's attention was somewhere else. She was just too excited for this opportunity.

When Ochako realized Y/N wasn't paying attention she stared at Y/N. Damn, she wouldn't blame Izuku if he did like Y/N. Y/N was beautiful and she looked so much better in the gym uniform then Ochako.

Y/N wore a sports bra only under the uniform because she wasn't prepared for this. Ochako saw this and thought she should do the same so Ochako took off her tank top and left her sports bra on with just the gym uniform on top.

Y/N turns, "Oh Uraraka! Guess what they're letting me compete in the festival." She smiled.

"Oh. I am happy for you. I hope you do well."

"You too! May the best one win." Y/N smiles friendly before leaving.

"Yeah may the best one win.." Ochako mutters knowing that she didn't want to just win the festival she also wanted to win Izuku's love and attention.

—

The festival contained of many challenges.

The first one was the obstacle course. Y/N ended up passing at number 15. That was only because she didn't use flight for it. She used her pure skills.

Next was the calvary battle. Y/N ended up being placed on team Todoroki. She was having so much fun she barely noticed it was a challenge.

Finally , it was one on ones. Y/N won her first round against Mina and she was super pleased by it. She didn't think she was that good with her quirk. But she had an advantage against Mina's acid. Acid is a chemical, and chemicals have energy.

It was time for Uraraka and Bakugou to fight and Uraraka was nevous before she went on so she went to Izuku.

But before she did she unzipped her uniform to show off her sports bra and then confronted him unfortunately Y/N was there.

"Oh Midoriya!" She exclaimed interrupting what Y/N and Izuku were talking about. "I have to fight Bakugou and I'm so gonna lose" She said almost in an almost too dramatic way.

"Let me help you come up with a pla–" Izuku tried to speak.

"I don't need your help with winning, I want to do this on my own. I know I can do it." Ochako say, "I'm just so nervous, can I have a hug before I go on?" She asks with pleading eyes.

Izuku and Ochako embrace for a solid 10 seconds before Y/N joins in. Then the unwanted group hug only lasts about 5 seconds.

"You're gonna do great Ochako! Bakugou just has a bigggggggg ego since forever. You're gonna win." Y/N smiled.

"Yeah, you are Ochako!" Izuku agrees.

"Thanks guys..." The "guy" thats came out her mouth was super bitter and she stared daggers at Y/N while she said it. However Y/N thought it was on accident so she smiled.

That almost frustrated Ochako past her limits. But made her think why is Y/N being so nice? Why can't Y/N back off OCHAKOS Izuku? Whatever it didn't matter.

Ochako hugged Izuku one more time before going to her battle. As she walked off she thought that if she did well it would impress Izuku and he will fall in love. Maybe she's being delusional but she won't give up on him.

Y/N and Izuku watched the painful battle of Ochako vs Bakugou. They were both putting on a strong fight but Bakugou was obviously winning.

"She needs to forfeit or she's gonna get seriously injured, Izuku."

"She's gonn—" He's cut off when Ochako hits the ground.

Y/N gasps and Izuku's eyes widen.

Midnight declares Ochako is unconscious, however leading Y/N and Izuku rushing down to recovery girl.

A few moments later Ochako's eyes fluttered open. She saw Y/N and Izuku next to her.

"Shes awake!" Y/N exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

Ochako stared blankly. Why was Y/N here? But she knew Izuku was here so she put on a little act, "Oh my..I'm in so much pain right now." She wasn't seriously lying, Recovery Girl can't fully help Ochako recover.

"You put on a good fight Uraraka! It's nice to see you awake however, I have to prepare to fight Todoroki in a little. I'll catch you guys later!" Izuku hugged Ochako and she became slightly flustered before he left the room.

Sitting down in a chair next to Uraraka, Y/N speaks, "That fight was so impressive! I could see your strategy. I wish you won it would have been so badass for you to beat Bakugou."

While Y/N kept complimenting Ochako and talking about the fight. Ochako realized something. Ever since Y/N came back she's just been jealous of her. When in reality she shouldn't have. Y/N has no bad intentions towards her, she just wants to be her friend. Imagine if Izuku knew what she thought of Y/N? He would hate her guts.

Realization.

"And the way you used your jacket for a—" Y/N was cut off by Ochako,

"Do you like Midoriya?" Ochako asks.

"Yes, he's my best—"

"I mean do you like him?" She exaggerates the like this time.

Y/N stops and thinks before answering.

"... It doesn't matter, I don't think he feels the same." The answer came out her mouth almost too quietly, but Ochako heard it.

"L/N," Ochako sat up, wincing from the little pain she had left and grabbing Y/N's hand. "The way he looks at you, the way he interacts with you, every time he interacts with you it's different from others. He doesn't just like you, I'm sure he loves you. You're the love of his life, you should tell him."

Y/N is speechless, "But don't you like him?"

"How'd you know?!?" Ochako becomes flustered.

"It's obvious."

"Then it's also obvious he doesn't like me back."

Y/N got up and helped Ochako get up. "I know you like him, but I don't want to get with him if you lik—"

"Please, who cares if I like him, I want him to be happy and he's obviously happy with you. So let's go watch him kick ass." Ochako smiled hooking her arms with Y/N's as they went to go watch Midoriya vs Todoroki.

—

"Aww you did so well , though." Ochako spoke, where Ochako, Y/N, and Izuku were all back with Recovery Girl.

"I agree." Y/N smiled.

"Thanks guys, I'm disappointed though."

"Next year, you're going to beat him for sure." Ochako says.

"Same goes for you beating Bakugou."

"Speaking of Bakugou," Y/N chimes in, "I'll avenge you right now. Cause guess who has to fight him."

The two stared at Y/N.

"He's super strong though." Midoriya spoke up.

"He may be strong but I'm sure I'm stronger." Y/N smiled.

"You got this girlie! If anyone can beat him it's you." Ochako smiled optimistically, and this time there was no bitterness.

—

Y/N stood in the ring across from Bakugou.

"We meet again Katsuki." Y/N smiles.

"Don't call me that."

"Hmm, I'll call you whatever I want after I beat you." Y/N smiles.

"The hell? You'll never beat me."

"Wanna bet?"

"Damn right, I do."

Y/N giggles, "I'll go easyy.."

Bakugou had enough of the talk he sent the first explosion towards her. Using acrobatic skills, she flipped out the way dodging the attack.

"Damn, thats all you got?"

"Fuck no."

Y/N flew up throwing bolts at Bakugou.

The two were fighting for a good 15 minutes. The area was smoky from not only Bakugou's explosions but Y/N's bolts and laser eyes.

Unfortunately, Y/N was beat by Katsuki by default because she absorbed too much energy and went manic.

—

When everyone recovered and everyone recovered it was time for Y/N to go home. Izuku was sad and so was Y/N. They didn't know the next time they would see each other and this made them both upset.

It was rainy, and they both stood under an umbrella waiting for the bus to take Y/N to the airport.

"You did awesome at the festival." She broke the silence.

"So did you." He spoke , but there was sadness in his voice.

"You know, I'm really proud of you and your quirk is amazing. I can't wait to see how hard you train and how good you are next time I see you." She smiled almost sadly, "And then I'll fight your that time."

He chuckles, "I hope you don't think you're gonna win."

"Trust me, I will."

The bus pulled up and the two looked even more sad.

"I guess this is it for who knows how long." Izuku turns and faces her.

"Don't be sad, Izuku. Our separation is only temporary. Remember, I'll come back and we will get married?" She cuffs his cheek.

He lit up a little, not thinking she remembered the promise. He melted into the touch of her hand while nodding.

They shared one last embrace,

"Goodbye, Y/N."

"Until we meet again, Izu."

The embrace broke but Y/N didn't walk off yet. What did was totally unexpected. She pecked his lips and ran on to the bus, "Call me later!"

Those were the last words he heard her say before he stood there flustered.

They wouldn't just marry each other in the future because they were best friends.

Izuku Midoriya found his true love, his soulmate, and he can't wait to see her again.

[huiyi07]

No, cause if you think about it, Kaeya never appears without purpose and intent. You might be like “duh that’s what every character is” but think about Childe, or Jean, Barbara, collei, the list goes on. They always appear with fun, happy reasons behind it, but not Kaeya.

He’s not the only character- Albedo shares this as well with how he mostly only appears to drop some lore bombs about khaenriah and gold and then disappears for another year, but it’s still different for Kaeya. He appears during events not only to give us lore, but always, without fail, to reveal something about himself.

Proof? Okay, the 1.4 windblume festival. Kaeya does a silly little poem class with Venti- surprise, he’s threatening him with a Khaenri’ahn message that says “I will triumph over you” and even when you debunk that, you can still see how Barbatos treats him as his own despite whatever stipulations about his heritage there are. 1.6 midsummer islands- Kaeya and diluc both reminisce their childhood, and it’s the first reveal that shows us just how close they really were. After that, he disappears for while, until boom- hidden strife in 2.8, where we find out the real details of his fight with diluc and how they grew apart- but it’s hinted they still care for each other. It also tells us a little about Kaeya’s lore and family, how they took over as regents, which adds to the real gravity of their fight- telling us he’s not just a poor kid from khaenriah, he’s the last real heir to the throne. After that, winelesefest, where it shows us how Kaeya and Diluc are right now, how theyre obviously missing each other and it’s very obvious that they care for each other deeply. That kinda ties up the whole ragbros story for now, and after that it becomes serious.

He appears again in the Caribert quest for us to find out he’s the heir of the organization of vengeful Khaenri’ahns turned monsters who want to take down the gods. He claims to not be affiliated with them in any way- but it leaves the question in everyone’s minds, “what else is he hiding from us?”

Now, he’s recently appeared once again for the 3.8 summer festival, and it looks really innocent and fun and just another way of showing us how kind he really is, until you realize that Kaeya’s outfit from this version describes how much he really hates the burden on his shoulders and how he wishes he was never forced to be an agent of khaenriah.

If you ask me, we’re past the point of just getting to know Kaeya and who he is on a personality basis, and are now getting into the real gravity of his identity as the last hope of the Khaenri’ahn kingdom. It’s really building up how important he’s going to be to the endgame of the whole archon quest storyline and how much of a key role he will actually play. Man I’m so hyped!!

[violetasteracademic]

So, considering the fact that your theories and your thoughts always make me want to jump up and down like a kid,I wanted to know your thoughts on this. I don't know if you've seen that pic in sjm's Pinterest board of a woman with a rose tatto which I believe was saved as "Elain". And we know that both Feysand and Nessian had their own bargain which makes me believe elriel will have one too,most accurately a rose tatto on both of them. And I wanted to ask you what do you think Elain and Az's bargain will be about?

First and foremost, thank you for making me *blush*

And now, ooooOOOoooh the bargain! I have thoughts!! And they are whimsical and magical and very inspired by SJM's confirmed fairy-tale retellings.

If you are not caught up on my line of thinking and predictions for the next ACOTAR book, I *think* my most comprehensive post on that can be found here. I'm very lasered in on the possible alliance between Vallahan and the High Priestesses, the Snow Queen, and reverse sleeping beauty (or Glass Coffin, the original German fairy tale sleeping beauty is based off of which is what SJM has used in the books. More on that here.)

Now, while Elain and Azriel's bargain could literally be anything, I'm less focused on what specifically it is and more on what it will do for their story and plot.

Feysand has obviously had two major bargains, and they drove the plot forward in different ways. Bargain one: a commitment for Feyre and Rhys to spend time together. This obviously dramatically moved the plot forward in ACOMAF and magically connected Rhys and Feyre, thus giving them the opportunity to get to know each other and give Feyre time away from Tamlin and out of her situation.

Bargain two, to die together. This clearly creates a tremendous amount of plot, action, and conflict for ACOSF.

Nesta and Cassian's bargain is way more simple on the surface. Training in exchange for a favor. In this case, it isn't the bargain itself that drives the plot and creates conflict, but the favor. Cassian is put in a situation where he is bound by magic and forced away from Nesta, leaving her and her friends in a little cluster to be easily kidnapped for the Blood Rite. Whereas Feysand's bargain created danger due to their unwillingness to be apart after the pain of watching each other die, Nessian's bargain created danger by pressing a thumb on the deepest wound of Nesta's struggles with pushing Cassian away.

Whatever Elain and Azriel's bargain is, I sense it will thematically play on their experiences and relationship just as Nessian and Feysand's did, but it also needs to drive the plot forward.

Because I am a big believer in the reverse Sleeping Beauty/Glass Coffin wherein Azriel is the one kidnapped or put to sleep and Elain will be the one to save him, I would love to see their bargain allow them to supersede the magic that has been keeping them apart and be the thread that allows Elain to find Azriel no matter what.

My dear friend @elainemg97 is the one who opened my eyes to the Snow Queen fairytale (click the first theory link I shared here to see why that is relevant! It is a confirmed retelling SJM has been planning since signing on the spinoffs.) It's actually so wild how relevant this is to the possibility of a reverse Sleeping Beauty.

The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson is a story about a boy and a girl named Kai and Gerda. They love each other deeply, are childhood best friends and grew up together playing in their families gardens and rose boxes. Then one day Kai is taken by the Snow Queen:

The Snow Queen, for whatever reason, luring Kai to her, beckoning him through snow frosted windows and snowflakes:

Kai becomes lost to splinters of a troll mirror, which turns him cruel and evil. His kind spirit is replaced someone hateful, and he hurts Gerda deeply by insulting her and treating her poorly. The Snow Queen succeeds in securing him, and the village presumes him dead. Gerda does not believe he is dead and in setting out to beg the river for him back, she becomes unmoored and drifts into unfamiliar waters and lands.

The Snow Queen kisses Kai, and Kai forgets bout Gerda.

The sorceress wipes Gerda's memory of Kai, and she causes the rose gardens to disappear, because the sorceress knows that if Gerda sees the roses, she will remember him.

Gerda remembers Kai regardless, despite the magic keeping them apart, and her tears cause the roses to bloom once again. Gerda knows that Kai is alive and she must find him.

The story of Gerda and Kai is one of hope, resilience, and roses. Gerda does not forget the boy she was spelled to forget, and she does not believe his cruelty was his true heart. The roses help her remember, they give her hope, and she sets off on a journey to save Kai from the Snow Queen. And then there is this:

Kai is saved by power of Gerda's love when she kisses him.

I feel like the imagery of roses and blades have been so pointedly woven through Azriel and Elain's story, as well as magic keeping them apart. This is major crack theory, but I think we might discover the Snow Queen in Vallahan is a bit of a Maeve like villain. Vallahan is described as ancient and being both on Prythian's side and against Prythian's side throughout history. This gives me the sense that Vallahan has one goal: to retain power. They ally themselves wherever that best suits them, and keep their motives shrouded in mystery.

I think ACOSF revealed that Koschei wants Azriel. Whether the Snow Queen of Vallahan is working with or against Koschei, she will want him too. Perhaps it is because of his blade. Perhaps his heritage. But it is most likely that Azriel will be captured. It's possible he will be presumed dead, or behave out of character.

Elain will believe in him. She will the remember the roses, his goodness, the time they spent together in the garden just as Kai and Gerda. And despite all the magical forces keeping them apart, trying to make them to forget each other, Elain will not forget him, and she will find and free him.

I think it would be really interesting and beautiful to see Elain and Azriel's bargain be something seemingly small and unimportant, like promising to think of each other when they see a garden or a rose. Or a bargain to find each other when they are lost, no matter what. I love the idea of their bargain being the thread that leads them to each other. That helps Elain find him, instead of being the thing that puts them in danger.

Thematically, magic and bonds have been the thing keeping Azriel and Elain apart in a way that wasn't true for Feysand and Nesssian. I would love to see their bargain, their choice, be the bond that leads them to each other even when all hope seems lost.

[cinnamonbear22]

oblivious love (c.s x reader)

chapter one

disclaimer!

yall i know they’re sober okay it’s just for the story, i have like seven chapters of this written up n i just wanted to see how one part would do so far :) i might not get everything accurate but it is just a story so don’t come for me ! plz!

tw

fem!reader, fluff, substance use

"did you want to stop anywhere else before we go?" nick turned to me as my bags were clustered together on my arms as he only had a few.

"i think im okay" i looked down at my purchases, not even remembering what i had bought within the last previous hours since i had just fully splurged without a second thought.

"i think so too" nick chuckled and pulled out his phone while we stood on the busy strip of shops and restaurants. "let me get an uber and we'll head back" he didn't look up from his phone as he spoke, his hair gently blew in the wind that had a hint of sea salt lingering behind it.

i felt exhausted. i had a busy day out with nick. we went to the beach, went shopping, ate dinner, basically spending our whole day together. but this wasn't even the most busy day i had within the last two weeks with them.

the sturniolo family and mine had grew up together for as long as i could remember, in fact, me and the triplets were only born a week or two apart. my mom and their mom were childhood best friends since seventh grade, so they had also grew up together as well. they’ve always had plans as little girls to have babies around the same time so they could through motherhood together. it was always a childhood fantasy until it had actually happened, and ever since i could recall me and the triplets have never been separated… up until they had moved out of our hometown and to los angeles. they had often come to visit, but unfortunately they were extremely busy now than ever since the fame had rapidly taken over.

but they had spoiled me and flew me out for three weeks with them after not seeing them for six months. it was an unexpected present they had sent me and watched me open it over facetime. and i'll never forget their and even my own reaction.

i was about a week and a half into my trip, and already i've been extremely spoiled and so nicely treated by them. it was nothing new, when we were younger they had always treated me like a princess and the princess treatment still carried over twenty years later.

after about five minutes our uber pulled up to the curb we were waiting at, and we carefully slid in with all of our items. we talked quietly amongst ourselves, both of us feeling extremely dreary from our long day out. "we should deliver ice cream or something" my eyes lazily scanned the crowded ice cream stand as we drove by it.

"you said you were full after dinner" nick averted his gaze from looking out his window and looked down at me, laughing softly.

"ice cream sound amazing though right?" i cocked a brow, knowing i am going to order the ice cream with or without him.

"you're right" he sighed in defeat, rubbing his mouth in a contemplative way. me and nick were always the closest out of the three. i loved them all with my entire heart, but nick was truly my best friend. we would be able to sit in silence for hours just comfortable with each other's presence, hanging out for hours on end and being able to talk about absolutely everything. "what are you going to wear to that party tomorrow?" he broke me out of my daydream as the roads became more familiar as we got closer to their home.

"i think that little black dress i bought would be nice, no?" i turned to him, sort of thinking about the idea.

"you can never go wrong with that" he agreed. "i'll wear all black with you if you end up wearing that" he offered, making me laugh a bit.

"that would be great" i said wittily, my dreary head shifted its way onto his shoulder. "i'm a little nervous for the party"

"how come?" he pursed his lips, his eyes now shifting down to connect with mine.

"well i wouldn't know anyone besides you guys" the uber stopped in front of the house so we can be let off. we politely thanked him before shuffling out, grabbing all of my bags with me.

"well, you don't need to know anyone else but us" nick reassured with a little smile as he began to punch in the gate code.

"i wouldn't want to be annoying though and just leech off of you guys the entire time" the gate opened and we started to walk through, quickly the front door swung open.

"trust me you aren't annoying anybody here (y/n)," nick continued to reassure me as my eyes watched matt slightly jog down the front porch steps and to us.

"why didn't you help her with her bags?" matt looked at nick and nick quickly defended himself from his brother.

"i tried to, but she wouldn't let me" nick locked the gate back up as matt grabbed some of the bags off my arms without even asking me.

"i could've carried them myself" i looked up at him with a smile.

"you looked like you were struggling on your way up" he didn't even look at me before taking the lead and walking back inside, me and nick following him. nick side eyed me behind matt's back with his lips curled into a scoff, making me slightly giggle.

"did you guys eat yet?" matt asked as i made my way to the guest room that was tucked away within the first floor.

"yes" i heard nicks footsteps go up the stairs and my other bags that matt was holding rustling behind me as i made my way to my room for the time being.

once i was in my room i set my bags down and sat down on the bed, watching matt set down everything else. "thank you" i reached down and began to untie my shoes, ready to get into my pajamas after the long day.

"of course" he smiled gently and looked at me for a few long seconds before speaking again. "chris was looking for you all day today" matt rubbed his eyes with a slight smile.

"really?" my brows furrowed together but i couldn't help that i was a bit excited from hearing that. the name 'chris' even has me in a chokehold. we all grew up together, we grew up the same way, we all seen each other just as frequently as the other, besides nick, who i was inevitably closer with and hungout much more one on one, but even ever since we were little kids, me and chris's bond has always been slightly different, and everyone would be able to tell that no matter who you are. but i would never let myself act on those different feelings. i never wanted the ruin the dynamic between all of us.

"mhm," matt hummed, making his way to the door. "let me know if you need anything" he shut it behind him as i stared down at my feet for a moment.

i pushed myself off my bed and made my way towards the bathroom that was connected to the guest room and began to do my nightly routine, thinking about what matt had said but not taking it too far into consideration. i put my glasses on as the last step of my routine and quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas, plaid fleece bottoms and a little tank top.

i slipped on my beige slippers and grabbed my phone before heading to nicks room, but before i could even open my door three knocks startled me. "can i come in?" chris's voice was muffled on the other side of the door. i opened the door which he seemed surprised, his eyes were extremely droopy, his hair was messy, his pajama bottoms sagged slightly revealing his boxers and he didn't have a shirt on. "oh..." he took a step back. i smiled and moved out of the way, giving him entrance into my temporary bedroom. "where have you been all day?" he asked, launching himself onto my bed and instantly cuddling up in the blankets.

"i was out with nick, i told you that, but i guess it just turned into an all day thing" i turned around and looked at him, and now that he was in the light i could see his eyes were a bit pink as well. "are you only coming to me because you just smoked?" i still stood and watched him as he got comfortable.

"no, no, no" his droopy eyes quickly went wide and he sat up, "i missed you today that's all, and i just happened to smoke. coincidence"

"got it" i couldn't help but smile at him and i made my way towards the edge of the bed, keeping our distance although i felt my skin on fire. i wish that the feelings would go away, but after several years they never had.

"you got a little sunburn on your cheeks" he reached his hand up and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek.

"is it bad?" i pulled myself away from his hand and touched it with my own, feeling the slightly irritated skin. i didn't even notice it in the bathroom.

"no, not at all" his tired eyes locked with mine. "it's cute" he grinned, making me smile too. he knew what he was doing. i felt like he had known i had a crush on him, but sometimes i think he's completely oblivious to it. i am sort of hoping he's more on the oblivious side.

it wasn't unnoticed that i would get a little more nervous whenever he was around, a little more aware. with matt and nick i was fine but with chris, even though i knew i could be myself around him, i still felt a small edge.

"do you really think so" i said sarcastically and put my hand under my chin, posing my face so he could see all sides.

"i really do" he chuckled, putting his hands behind his head now as he laid back down. the soft light in my room prominently brought out his light muscle tone along his strong facial features. "what are you going to wear to the party?" he asked me, referring to tomorrow.

"i bought a little black dress today" i looked behind me at the plethora of bags scattered around my room.

"that's always a classic" he nodded, the corners of his lips upturned.

"i spent so much money..." i sighed, still looking at the bags.

"did you use my card like i told you to?" he asked, now propping himself up on his elbow.

"as guilty as i am, i did" i scratched the back of my head and looked at him, his face washed over with excitement.

"well technically..." he now had deceitful look in his eyes, making my stomach churn. "i bought all these clothes so you have to give me a haul"

"you want a haul?" i couldn't help but to giggle a bit.

"please" his icy blue eyes looked up at me as i began to stand up, sending chills through every part of my body. "especially the victoria secret bag, i want a try on haul"

"cut it out" i turned my head to him as he was smirking at his little remark. "thank you by the way, you seriously did not have to give me any money"

"i wanted to" he watched me carefully now as i picked up all the bags and set them down on the bed. "so what did you get?" he sat himself up now and leaned against the headboard. "show me the dress"

i shuffled and dug around into some bags until i found the dress, his face immediately dropped as soon as i pulled it out. "what? is it ugly?" i was taken aback from his reaction.

"no not at all" he was looking between me and the dress. "it's just that..." he hesitated before speaking making me more nervous.

"just say it! am i too big for this dress? will it not compliment me?" i started to panic now, of course my thoughts quickly spiraling. that was nothing new to me.

"no! absolutely not!" he jumped up in quick defense, still looking at the dress. "it just looks like the size of a t-shirt…" he mumbled so softly, making me laugh that all the anticipation was for nothing. "it's not funny, it's too short" he started to laugh along with me, snatching the luxurious dress away from my hands. "are you sure this says dress on it? are you sure you didn't get it in the shirt section?" he started to look at it closely now, looking at the tags and everything. "it's so silky" he started to rub it against his face like a child with a blanket. "this is silk right?"

"stop it" i took it back from him with a smile, his eyes were still somewhat in a trance on the dress. "yes it is"

"i'll have to keep an eye on you all night if you wear that" he huffed, running his fingers through his hair. "are you going to wear like," his gaze averted up to my eyes, and i held it strongly. "wear a jacket..? like one that goes to the floor and you just button it up all the way and the dress underneath it so technically you're still wearing it out"

"i'm in los angeles, i didn't think i needed a jacket" i scoffed, neatly laying the dress across the desk chair that was in the room. he looked like he was in deep thought now. he licked his lips and wiped his mouth, all of his subconscious habits coming into play. i was now standing at the foot of my bed as he looked contemplated, but i was ready to go into more of the haul.

"nick let you buy that dress? for how short it is?" his pink eyes looked me up and down making me tense.

"christopher" i snapped at him, shooting my eyes up to meet his. "it's not that short"

"what shoes are you wearing?" he asked. he crossed his arms in such a graceful manner, accentuating his chest.

"i was just going to show you" i dug into another bag and pulled out a shoe box. inside the box revealed gorgeous, sleek, simple, shiny black stiletto heels. "what do you think?"

"i think that maybe with those on you'll look a normal height" he snarked, earning glare.

"seriously?" i cocked my head to the side, challenging him to see if he'd go any further.

"sorry" he pressed his lips together to try and mask his smile. "all i know is that you're definitely going to be the center of attention"

"yeah right" i put the heels back in the box and had also set them down by my dress. "im not going to know anyone there besides you guys, ill be following you guys around like a lost puppy" i retorted, moving some of the bags aside on my bed and sitting back down.

"there's no issue with that" he seemed a bit relieved taking in the fact that i would be near him all night. "i would be glad to accompany you to this party" he bowed his head like a prince would and spoke in an extremely formal accent, earning a small laugh. "i'll wear all black too"

"i think nick already is" i remembered him saying something about that in the uber.

"but i want to match with you though" he slightly whined and pouted like a child.

"well that has to be arranged between you guys" i put my hands up in defense and his eyes seemed to drift from mine and fixate my chest area. "what are you doing?" i covered my chest with my hands, watching his eyes carefully.

"i was looking at your necklace" he scoffed, and i quickly set my arms back down.

"oh" i giggled lightly and scooted a bit closer to him. "do you like it?" i asked him as his fingers gently brushed against my chest, and he held the small gold lion pendant.

"i do" he looked up softly at me. "did your boyfriend back at home get it for you?"

"you're such a dick" i slapped his arm away and a smile slowly crept up on his face. "me and that guy dated for a month, he cheated on me anyway, you know this..." i felt humiliated. "why do you still tease me for it?"

"because i told you he was a walking red flag" chris leaned back against the headboard, crossing his arms like how he had them before.

"please forgive me for being young and naive" i said in a snide tone, shaking my head. "what about you?" i asked him with a stern tone.

"what?" he cocked a brow.

"have you been with anyone within the last two years?" i asked him, sort of hoping the answer would only go one way.

"absolutely not" he shook his head, still holding eye contact with me. "(y/n) you would've known"

"well," i placed my hands in my lap. "do you have any interest in anyone? you've had to have met so many people in l.a."

"why are you asking me these questions?" his face began to hue a pink, just like his eyes. it gave me a small ego boost, seeing that i could also make him nervous.

"what? you can bust my balls all you want but i can't?" i teased him and he bit his lip nervously.

"she's going to be at the party tomorrow" he said, making my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. i always set myself up to self sabotage, but it's better for me to find out from him than anyone else.

"yeah?" i kept a smile on my face, staying strong.

"mhm" he hummed, licking his lips and keeping his gaze in my eyes. a small bit of tension built up in the room and i felt like it was my fault.

"then you better not match with me because she might take it the wrong way" i anxiously began to fidget with the rings on my fingers.

"no, she better like it" he quickly came back making me a little confused but still a bit dejected.

"you're bold christopher" i slightly tilted my head to the side, taking in his dominate tone.

"i really wish i was" he sighed and stared at me with a slight look of regret in his eyes. it was a little off putting since it was hard to read him in this moment, the tension now flooded the room and it felt like i was drowning in it.

"then why aren't you?" i pushed him a little further.

"because i'm scared" he still looked strongly at me.

"scared of what?" my fingers made their way back to fidgeting with my rings. the vibe in this room was so off putting yet i still feel extremely relaxed with chris.

"rejection" his eyes became even more droopier as he spoke. "commitment"

"chris you know you could have any girl that you want" i couldn't help but to laugh a tiny bit, chris, scared of rejection? seriously? i understand commitment, he's always had an issue with that.

"there's only one i want" he held his pointer finger up in my face, indicating the number one.

"well," i softly pushed his large hand away from my face, but he ended up resting it in my lap on top of my hands lazily. "why not make your move at the party tomorrow? you said she'd be there right?" his hand started to feel all the rings on my finger, sending shivers down my spine with how gentle he's being.

"i will" he stared at our hands mingling, looking deep in thought. "you mess with your rings a lot, even the other day in the restaurant when you were ordering when we all went out to eat"

"i guess it's a nervous habit" i tried to pull my hand out of his soft grip, but he harshly grabbed it back.

"i wasn't done looking yet" he didn't even look up at me, just softly held my hands with his one.

"i think you're just trying to hold my hands" i grinned and looked up at him, and his eyes returned back to mine.

"so what?" his head lazily tilted to the side. "is it okay?" i nodded and watched his every move. "just like when we were younger" he chuckled to himself.

"i know" i sighed, laughing at the memories. "you did not let go of my hand when you were a toddler" he reached his other hand over now and started to play with both my hands. "i was dragged along everywhere with you"

"you wear so many rings" he held up my wrist to his face, inevitably pulling me in closer to him. "you don't like being dragged along with me?" his voice became tired now, but it was even more attractive.

"what more could i want in life?" i retorted, earning a small, sleepy evil eye from him. "you look so tired"

"im tired of you" he said scornfully, causing me to withdraw my hands from him and lean back with fake shock.

"you're extremely sassy tonight" i gave him a fake sad look and his face softened.

"i didn't mean it, come on" he quickly reached over and grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him and quickly engulfing me into a big hug. "you know you're my favorite person" he mumbled into my hair as i laughed at the sudden movements, being a bit taken back.

"you're my favorite boy ever" i told him, and i couldn't help but to wrap my arms around him as well. i was so happy to be in l.a. with all of them again. ever since they've been moving around back and forth i always felt a little empty without them in my hometown. i know that they were always one call away, but it would never be the same than me riding my bike to their house like i did when i was young, knowing i could go to them whenever i needed to.

"what about nick?" chris didn't let me go, but i wasn't upset about it. his hugs were always my favorite.

"that's our secret then" i pulled away from him as his arms still lingered around my middle, and we sat there just staring at each other for a moment.

"can we have a sleepover?" he asked, excitement filled his tired eyes.

"i guess" i laughed a little, my hands subconsciously rubbed his arm that was resting on me. ever since we were children chris has always been touchy with me, never in a weird way, so i never really accounted on that for a yes or no confirmation if he had similar feelings for me or not.

"hooray" he geek-ily smiled at me, earning a little laugh. "we haven't had a sleepover since sixth grade"

"i don't know what you're talking about, i was practically at your house every weekend in high school sleeping over" i cocked my brow, taking my hand away from his arm.

"yeah but you were always with nick" he rubbed his eyes with one of his hands, the other still loosely holding me.

"we're you jealous?" i teased him, but he just rolled his eyes.

"really?" he said in a dull tone, his eyes looking like they were trying to fight awake.

"i'm teasing you" i couldn't help but to feel the sleepiness as well.

"tell me about it" he groaned, covering his eyes with both his hands now and he looked up at the ceiling.

i giggled a little and swung my legs over the mattress, and started to move off all the rest of my bags off the bed that i hadn't shown him yet. "aren't you going to show me everything?"

"tomorrow, i'm tired" i set down all my bags on the floor and tossed him the television remote. "turn something on" he caught it with ease and i made my way to the light switch.

the only light that filled the room now was the t.v. and the moon spilling in from outside. it was such a calming scene, especially with chris in the room. as nervous as he made me he will always, always put me at ease.

i crawled into my bed, keeping as much distance as i could from chris. i didn't want to seem like i was pushing it at all, or annoying him in anyway. i pulled the blanket up to my chin, tucking myself in next time him, grabbing hold of the teddy bear that was gifted to me several years ago from the triplets and hugging it to my chest. "you still have that?" chris's groggy voice was close to me now.

"of course" my eyes focused on the t.v., seeing he had put on some movie. i wasn't sure what it was though. i was too tired to care right now.

"you took it with you on your trip?" he still sat up against the headboard, slouching a little as he looked down at me.

"it's like my security blanket" i looked up at him, his face being dimly lit by the television.

"awe that's adorable" he cooed at me, a slight pout formed on my lips. "why don't you hold me like that?" at this point he had to be taunting me.

"i don't think you're a teddy bear" my fingers laced in the teddy bears slightly matted fur.

"let me me be your teddy bear" he sang to me in his sleepy voice, referring to the elvis song.

"oh my goodness" my face was flush, but im sure the sunburn covered it up.

"please" he begged, pouting his lip out and widening his eyes like a puppy. i knew he was just high, and he probably wouldn't mention any of this in the morning, but it was also just how our dynamic worked.

"c'mere" i set my teddy aside freeing the space and opened up my arms to welcome him.

"yes" he said joyful to himself, quickly shifting himself on top of me. i grunted a little at the weight, since he plopped himself on me without any hesitation.

i wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him slightly as he got comfortable with his head on my chest. his fluffy hair tickled my face and i gently pushed it away with my fingers. "you're such a baby" my fingertips softly traced along his back, my eyes shifted to the screen.

"remember in middle school at that one little party we went to" he murmured into my skin, his hot breath against me made my hair standup.

"not really" one of my hands began to play with his soft hair. "that was so long ago, how do you even remember middle school"

"i don't know" he mumbled.

"why?" i was talking softly now.

"i remember it was the first girl-boy party we ever went to and how exciting it was" he rambled with slurred words here and there. "and we played spin the bottle remember?"

"sort of..?" i tried to dig deep into the memory but it wasn't really anywhere to be found.

"it was your turn and you were so nervous" he chuckled lowly, but i was still confused to the point he was trying to make. "but it landed on me"

the embarrassing memory instantly came back.

"oh god" i sighed, rolling my eyes a little at the story. "why are bringing this up?"

"i don't know i just remembered it" i could tell he was lying. i didn't want to push the conversation further. "was i a bad kisser? is that why you don't remember?"

"christopher..!" i whisper yelled at him, taking my hands out of his hair and off him and tried to push his shoulders off me but he didn't budge. he probably had felt the heat radiating off my body from how embarrassed i was.

"what?" he chuckled slightly at my reaction, resisting to move off of me. "put your hand back in my hair please" he mumbled but i didn't listen to him. "please, it feels so good" he whined wearily, my heart began to pick up at the choice of words he used. "remember when you used to do my hair as a kid"

"why do you remember so much?" i put my hands back in his hair, softly pressing my nails into his scalp and lacing my fingers through his locks.

"god, i don't know but i just love this feeling" he groaned, nestling more in my chest. "i missed you" he blurted out, his eyes shut all the way now. he talks so much, i wouldn't doubt that he sleep-talks as well. but i never ever minded it. the way he could change the subject and talk to people and never make it awkward was just such a strong quality of his. "i miss being at home and you're so close to me-" he cut himself off quickly. "well i meant us"

"i missed you too chris" i let my eyes fall since they were fighting to stay awake at this point. "a lot"

he continued to talk, but it was hard for me to process what he was saying. he was slurring and mumbling, and i was drifting in and out of consciousness, responding to him with only 'mhm's and 'yeah's. but his voice was lulling me to sleep, so i didn't mind. i would never mind moments like this.

[ladyluscinia]

There are obviously some people not taking Edward's S2 arc very well. Or - more often - twisting it to fit into absolutely wild takes and then pretending they are taking it well while everyone else is wrong and problematic for beliefs like "S2 clearly establishes Edward was harming his entire crew in his depressive spiral and he's still in the process of making that right." One of them wrote this section from a post that I found absolutely fascinating (if also wildly off base) in the way it buys into Edward's clearly faulty POV without hesitation...

...and I really want to talk about Knife Parade now.

Because I don't think that's what's going on here, obviously.

Edward has internalized some very fucked up shit in his piracy career, a lot of it probably going back to his time with Calico Jack (and others? Fang was with him for 20 years, and Izzy "all his fucking life"?) under Captain Hornigold, aka the man who killed Felix the cabin boy by feeding him a live crab. Edward didn't really emulate Hornigold until Kraken Era because he hated the man, but we can see from how he and Jack act in 1x08 that he still developed a very skewed understanding of violence and social bonding.

And, as unpleasant as it makes him, the Edward of the past was absolutely the kind of guy to "fuck with his crew like that for shits and giggles."

Like - hold the defensiveness because this is not a one-to-one comparison - Edward describing chasing Fang around screaming and terrified as just a fun game sounds like how someone's childhood bullies would describe tormenting them. Bullies often feel like they were just joking around or just playing a game, even when the other party was clearly not having a good time. The show even invokes this with Nigel and Stede in the first episode.

And the reason bullies typically feel this way is because the social environment that they are in treats their behavior as acceptable (or fails to treat it as unacceptable because adults/other children are consciously or subconsciously designating the bullied kids as fair targets).

Edward thought chasing after Fang with a knife and shouting "come here you little fucker" was okay because he grew into adulthood in a culture where that and way worse was normal. Maybe he even got the idea watching an adult do it to someone (for likely non-playful reasons). He was probably older and/or higher ranked than Fang, in a culture where rank entirely out-ranks obligations to give a shit about someone else's feelings.

Just think about how he describes being Captain:

"Oh fuck no. Apologizing? Nah. Didn't apologize for jack shit."

The idea Edward didn't want to hurt Fang is not even on the table, because he didn't pay enough mind to the people below him to register hurting them was even a thing his "fun" actions could do. He's entirely rewritten the events in his mind.

And, again, this is a funny joke and a very understandable mindset to develop that literally no one has ever pushed back on until this moment, so good for Edward thinking back and going "oh fuck I guess Knife Parade was less Yardies and more Torturing Felix" and then immediately acknowledging that Fang has justifiable basis for beef with him. That's pretty big of him. Growth.

But "didn't care about Fang being terrified to the point he legit forgot because peer-accepted behavior" is still not quite the same thing as "genuinely didn't realize Fang was terrified" lol

[bloodstained-porcelain-doll]

The Kneeling Queen, ch 1 - Aemond Targaryen x OC

Read on AO3

Summary: Aemond Targaryen and Maelessa Velaryon were childhood lovers. They were each other's only comfort in a world full of darkness. When they grew up, their love blossomed until they were the only thing the other cared about. Their lives get increasingly complicated due to the fact that they're supposed to be on opposite sides of the war. Will their love survive or will it burn to ash as the war ensues? Warnings: None for this chapter, but this fic will contain violence, rough and dirty sex, Dom Aemond, mutilation, degradation, war, canonical and non canonical character deaths, non canonical dragons, mentions of rape... it gets dark at times.

Chapter 1 - Childhood Lovers

Maelessa Velaryon ran to him inside the dragonpit, after the boy she cared about most.

”Aemond, don’t go with them!” she cried, knowing full well that Aegon and the other children had hid a pig inside the tunnel, that they were going to pull a mean prank on Aemond. Just because he didn’t have a dragon. “Aemond! Let’s go see the other dragons instead,” she urged. Aemond didn’t listen, instead he followed his brother. Aegon shot a glare back at Maelessa who stared daggers into him.

When they revealed the pig, the Pink Dread, they called it, Aemond didn’t say a word. He was stoic, his face didn’t betray his hurt. But Maelessa knew him better than all the other children, she felt his pain and knew how bad it broke his heart to be toyed with like this.

“You’re all mean!” she screamed at the other kids, her voice echoing through the pit. “Come on, Aemond, let’s go,” she urged, reaching for his hand. This time he followed her, taking her hand and following her out. Only when they were far enough away from everyone else did he let his tears show. Maelessa would never make fun of him, she sat with him on the cliff until his tears dried, holding his hand.

The next day she cursed her brothers. Jace and Luke were idiots, she screamed, they were nothing but mean bullies and Aemond didn’t deserve to be treated that way. 

“He calls us bastards!” Her older brother defended himself.

“We are bastards, Jace, look at us! Telling the truth isn’t a crime,” she insisted, shoving him in the chest before running off again. Her mother, who had just given birth to her third son, her fourth child, didn’t like how much time Maelessa spent running around the castle with Aemond. She much preferred when Maelessa spent time with her own siblings, studying Valyrian and history. 

Maelessa liked it best when Aemond taught her Valyrian though, his accent was beautiful and he was a good teacher. He also taught her how to fight in secret, the two of them slipping away to the garden to practise sword fighting. She would often sneak into his chamber at night and they would practise Valyrian together and braid each other’s hair. Aemond would tell her fantastical stories and she often fell asleep on the foot end of his bed listening to his calming voice, then the guards found them together in the mornings. He was her favourite person in the world, and when they weren’t together, he was often all she could think about.

***

When Ser Harwin had died, Maelessa ran away in the middle of the night. Her mother sent guards to look for her, and dragons were sent out to help the search. Her mother flew on Syrax and Jace on Vermax, looking for her everywhere, and the guards roamed through the forests. Yet it was Aemond who found her. He pulled down the hood of his cloak and leaned against the wall of the dog training yard in Cobbler’s square.

“Thought I’d find you here, Maelītsos,” he said quietly.

”There’s nowhere I can hide from you,” she mumbled, burying her head in Rocco’s fur. Rocco was a large brown dog that she had helped train since he was six weeks old.

“No. It’s foolish of you to come here. Though I suppose you blend in rather well,” he japed. She sniffled and sobbed.

“Someone murdered him, Aemond. Spontaneous fire in Harrenhal? Not likely.”

“You shouldn’t mourn in public for a man your mother claims to have no relation to. Time to go home,” he said and kicked himself off the wall, extending his hand. She wanted to stay here and sulk, cry until she couldn’t feel sadness anymore, seeking comfort in her four legged friends’ soft fur. But she took Aemond’s hand and followed him without protest back to the castle. She kept her head down so that people wouldn’t see her tears.

Aemond sat them down on a bench in the courtyard and wiped her tears. In his arms, the sadness felt less constricting, her chest felt lighter and more free. She inhaled the scent of him, calming her body even more. He always smelled good, her prince. 

“It’s alright to be sad. Your tears are safe with me, Mae. But be smart. It was foolish of you to leave the Red Keep in your situation.”

“You’re right, I know,” she said and wiped her tears.

With a scream, Syrax crashed down in the courtyard and Rhaenyra came running towards them.

“Where have you been!?” she shouted. Maelessa didn’t answer. “Aemond, where was she?”

“Does it matter? I brought her back.”

“How did you find her?”

“There’s nowhere she can hide from me.” Aemond was proud of his statement, but Rhaenyra looked unimpressed. 

“Thank you. You may leave.” But Aemond didn’t leave. He remained calm as ever, sitting quietly by Maelessa’s side. “That means leave, Aemond!” Rhaenyra clarified as if he was an imbecile. He smiled menacingly.

“I think you’ll find even less luck in speaking with Maelītsos if you force me away from her,” he mocked, purposefully using the pet name that Rhaneyra hated. Little Mae. Maelessa however loved every single pet name Aemond made up for her. The more names he gave her, the more singled out and cherished she felt by him. 

Maelessa’s family were now moving to Dragonstone. She wasn’t quite sure why, if it had to do with the death of Harwin or if it was something else. She knew rumours circled the keep, rumours harmful to her family, but her mother didn’t reveal much to her children, saying they were too young to understand. Maelessa didn’t want to leave, though. She fought her mother tooth and nail, screaming that she refused to go. To her surprise, Alicent was very hospitable, telling Rhaenyra and Laenor that she was welcome to stay here with them. After much fighting, Maelessa’s parents had finally agreed to let her stay. After all, her grandsire king Viserys was here, and he still ruled, so what harm could come to her?

***

After her aunt Laena Velaryon passed, a funeral had been held on Driftmark. Maelessa had arrived with Aemond and his family, and her own family had come as well. Tears had been shed, but she felt she couldn’t quite grieve for someone she barely knew. In the night, when Rhaenyra sent her children to bed, Aemond had stopped the girl from going to her chamber and instead brought her outside, telling her to follow him on an adventure.

Maelessa watched in awe as Aemond climbed atop the green giant beast of a dragon. Vhagar had threatened to rain fire on him but he had stood his ground, and the dragon had rewarded him for it. She ran backwards as the dragon lunged, sand whirring into her eyes as the dragon stomped off the ground and took flight. She listened to Aemonds screams as Vhagar took off with him. For a moment it seemed he would fall off, but he had managed to steady himself, climbing back into the saddle. 

Maelessa clapped her hands and cheered, then the pair disappeared from her sight, beyond the clouds. She watched and waited for a long time before they returned, this time the scream from Aemond wasn’t one of fear, but of triumph. They landed next to her and Aemond climbed off, running to pick Maelessa off the ground and spin her around in the air in cheer joy. He finally had a dragon, and not just any dragon. The biggest one known to them, and the fiercest war dragon. The two children laughed as they walked hand in hand into the cave. 

Rhaena and Baela were in there with Jace and Luke, having been woken up from the noises of Aemond claiming Vhagar. Maelessa felt a little bad, because she knew Rhaena had wanted to claim Vhagar since she was her late mother’s dragon. But dragons chose their riders, they couldn’t be stolen. If Vhagar didn’t want Aemond to claim her, he would be dead. Which is why it angered her so when her cousins accused him of stealing Vhagar. 

Her cousins lunged first, attacking Aemond. She yelled at them to stop, even running forward to hit them back, but Aemond had no issue battling off the two angry girls. When her brothers Jace and Luke joined in though, the fight became unfair. Aemond was strong and already a skilled fighter for his young age, but four against two were bad odds. Maelessa fought her own siblings in Aemond defence, trying to hold them back. Baela and Rhaena retreated, watching as the fight grew meaner and harder. Aemond once again taunted the boys for being bastards, and Luke was the only one who didn’t know that he was right. One of them threw sand in Aemond’s face, causing him to stumble. Then Luke grabbed the knife and lunged. 

Before Maelessa could scream at him to stop, he had slashed the knife across Aemond’s face and he fell to his knees screaming in agonising pain. Maelessa ran to him, hunching over him to comfort him, shocked at the blood running through his fingers. A knight came running, way too late to break up the fight. She refused to let go of Aemond’s arm as they were all led back into the castle. She watched with tears running down her cheeks as a Maester stitched him up, sewing over his eye. 

He looked terrifying, red bloody stitches going from his cheek to his forehead. The room filled up with knights and family members, the king, the queen and her protectors, Lord Corlys and princess Rhaenys, as well as Maelessa’s own mother and Daemon. Panic spread through the room as the adults tried to make sense of the situation, figure out what had happened. The children all screamed over each other trying to tell their stories. Rhaenyra fussed over hew bleeding sons and the unharmed Maelessa backed away from them. Alicent was furious over the loss of her son’s eye, while Rhaenyra was furious over the insults thrown at her children.

“Maelessa, come here,” she beckoned, reaching for her daughter, who backed off, placing herself next to Aemond and grabbing his arm, scowling at her mother. The king, instead of siding with his son who just lost an eye, sided with the grandson who had taken the eye, questioning Aemond about the insults instead of Luke about the attack. He warned them all that the in fighting just cease, but Alicent was not satisfied, trying to convince the king to take one of Luke’s eyes as justice. Maelessa squeezed Aemond’s arm in fear, and even he seemed to think his mother was out of her bounds for the suggestion. Rhaenyra tried to beckon Maelessa over again, to come stand with her siblings, but she refused to let go of Aemond’s arm. 

“Ser Criston, bring me the eye of Lucerys Velaryon,” the queen demanded. Luke cried for their mother in fear, Maelessa’s eyes widened and fighting broke out among the adults again. The king refused to let Ser Criston carry out the order, putting his wife back in place. As the king turned to leave, deeming this trial as over, Alicent leapt forward, reaching for his dagger. 

Aemond stood, wrapping his arms around Maelessa and taking her behind him protectively. Luke screamed and Rhaenyra put herself in front of him, facing off against Alicent. Maelessa was scared, scared that Alicent may hurt her mother, but Aemond held her in his arms and she clung to him fiercely, finding security in his embrace. She didn’t quite understand what Alicent and Rhaenyra said to each other as one held a knife to each other, but then the blade slashed against skin and her mother was bleeding from her arm. Maelessa gasped and dropped her hand down to grasp Aemond’s tightly. 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he whispered in her ear. When the two women backed off from each other, Aemond and Rhaenyra looked at each other. Rhaenyra’s eyes snapped down to the clutched hands of him and her daughter, but she said nothing. Aemond then turned to his mother. “Do not mourn me, mother, it was a fair exchange. I may have lost an eye, but I gained a dragon.”

Her stoic prince.

Tagging @sadgirlxangel and @ner-dee due to previously shown interest, let me know if you wish to remain tagged or not :)

[wntrmelts]

Why I view/write Kaeya as living an inherently feminine experience

(reposting this essay from twitter)

This entire post will be a long string of observations and headcanons surrounding why I believe Kaeya’s story is an inherently feminine experience. It includes canon interactions but also explanations as to why I write him in a certain way in my works. Also, I would like to establish that with ‘feminine’ I am not explicitly talking about gender expression, but more so the societal expectations and gender roles that have been put on women. By this definition, a feminine experience is not exclusive to women only.

Starting in his childhood, Kaeya is described as being gentle and polite by Adelinde (1) whilst Diluc was described as more rambunctious. As they grew up, Kaeya, being the more reserved one, seemed to always stay in Diluc’s shadow (2).

The question is whether this was by choice or something that was imposed upon him. In a way, I think it’s both. To survive, he made sure not to cause trouble or speak out of turn, listening to and pleasing the authoritative figures in his life instead.

After Diluc was out of the picture and out of the KoF, Kaeya was given a completely different role. He was expected to lead now, his previous persona would not suffice in an environment like this. He had to be respected, and in order to gain the respect of his new subordinates, he had to change. He became louder and more visible, he had to learn how to stand his ground. This isn’t only reflected in his personality, but also his appearance. A big silhouette that exudes status with the gold accents and fur coat; it demands attention and communicates confidence to outsiders.

Kaeya as we know him has a very big personality. It’s hard to definitively say whether he enjoys the attention he gets from outsiders. Where does the act stop and his true self begin?

In his hangout, we can see him scurrying away with the traveler once he starts getting approached and praised for his on-stage performance in Port Ormos (3).

From the way he treats the interactions, it seems that he can humor these interactions when needed, but does not particularly enjoy them. There seems to be a dichotomy between the way he presents himself and how wishes other people to perceive him, and his true desires. I don’t think this means that he completely dislikes the way he presents himself. After having played this part for so long, it would make sense that at least part of it melds into his true self, but it does imply that his change post-fight isn’t 100% a case of ‘flourishing into his true self’ as his Vision story might suggest.

On that note, the attention Kaeya seems to get from bystanders seems to be something he does not seem /entirely/ comfortable with. Besides the fan interactions in Port Ormos, Kaeya also mentions in his hangout that he got approached by a group of mercenaries to dance (4).

The subtext suggests they were flirting with him, and whilst it is possible Kaeya genuinely did not realize this, I don’t believe someone like him would be oblivious to the implications of the interaction. He doesn’t name for what it was, plays it off lightly, and moves on. 

(To be fair, you can also take him at his word for this interaction. It really depends on how much you want to believe him. But also, my mans is not smiling in these?? At all??)

Now this goes into headcanon territory but I believe Kaeya is very aware of how people look at him. He’s been described to be eye-catching in his character story 5 (5), good-looking by multiple NPCs, even the traveler calls him handsome (6).

Point is: Kaeya looks good! He knows it, but as we’ve established before, he does not always like it. Despite his own discomfort, he still believes he can use this to his advantage. Because as we know, for him, the ends justify the means (7).

Perhaps he plays up his charm a little because he knows what it will get him, or because people will underestimate his true nature if he keeps it up. 

So for my personal interpretation: he’s ‘flirty’, not because he likes it, but because it helps him get things done. The reactions he gets out of it may or may not disgust him a little, but his sense of self-worth is not enough to stop him from using these tactics to get ahead.

Lastly, I would like to discuss how Kaeya, despite everything that has happened to him, does not outwardly express any of his anger frequently. At least, not in an obvious sense. To keep up appearances and to maintain his image, he never bursts out in anger, shouts, or yells. He is always hyperaware of how other people view him, and being angry is simply not appropriate. He remains composed in the presence of others even if he might want to shout or be angry. 

In short, the performative aspects of Kaeya’s character reflect a very specific part of the female experience to me. Always keeping in check with what other people’s expectations are, not wanting to take up too much space when he was younger but having to learn how to take up more space to gain other people’s respect when he got older, dealing with unwanted attention but not voicing complaints and dismissing them to not make a big deal out of it; these are all parts of it. 

All of this is super self-indulgent so don’t take it too seriously~ Just wanted to justify why I think he gets to sit with the girls :D

References (yes, I'm extra):

Kaeya Hangout: Taste of Home https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Taste_of_Home 

Kaeya’s Vision Story https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Kaeya Hangout: All the World’s a Stage https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/All_the_World%27s_a_Stage#Must_It_Be_So? 

Kaeya Hangout: Poems Dedicated to the Wind https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Poems_Dedicated_to_the_Wind 

Kaeya Character Story 5 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Archon Quest: Prologue: When the Wind Dies Down https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/When_the_Wind_Dies_Down 

Kaeya Character Story 2 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

[analyticalstarz]

I think we should talk about Leo/Need more

During middle school, Ichika had to deal with Saki being hospitalized then having a falling out with Honami and Shiho directly after due to Shiho and Honami both becoming victims of bullying and not wanting to drag Ichika down with them. Ichika didn't even get an explanation as to why Honami and Shiho were leaving her either, she just got told "I don't want to be your friend anymore." and it got left at that. Even though Ichika still attempted to reach out, she got little in response and became extremely lonely as a result. Ichika blamed herself for the groups falling out and carried a lot of guilt about it for years; she felt listless and empty. She felt even guiltier since she was hiding the fact from Saki, who was already lonely and isolated enough as it was due to being hospitalized. Ichika spent 2 years all alone, no other friends, trying to get Shiho and Honami to talk to her, but all her efforts were fruitless. All she wanted were her childhood friends back During middle school, Honami was a big people-pleaser due to the overwhelming fear of being hated by other people. She was bullied because she had the tendency to befriend and show sympathy for people in different friend groups and avoided picking sides, to the point that she was accused of sucking up to others to avoid being hated and was called two-faced. She was treated as an outcast in her class. Once the next school year rolled around, she was afraid of being bullied again by her new classmates and only hung out with a small group of people, and subsequently, she started avoided Ichika and Shiho. Even after she started hanging out with that small group of people, Honami became wary that she'd be ostracized and hated all over again if she even made one small mistake. In one of Kanade's side stories, Honami admitted that she had the desire to "disappear" before. During middle school, Shiho preferred solitude and being by herself. She'd reject her classmates invitations to hang out, and ultimately, people started talking bad about her due to her aloof demeanor. Shiho didn't mind the gossip or rumors, but once people started talking bad about Ichika as well by default since she hung out with Shiho, Shiho pushed Ichika away and distanced herself from her in order to protect her. Since Honami was being bullied as well during that time, the two gradually grew apart once they both decided to stop interacting with the friend group. Shiho was in the light music club during middle school, and got frustrated due to the members lack of work and dedication. Once she brought it up, the club got into an argument which subsequently caused them to split up, only further worsening Shiho's reputation. She didn't mean to hurt either Ichika or Honami, all she wanted to do was protect them from getting hurt by her bad reputation. During middle school, Saki was hospitalized all throughout the duration of it due to her weak body and chronic illness. She was bedridden for days on end, and was extremely isolated and lonely. She questioned why she was the way she was, and was extremely jealous of people who could experience life normally. She never got to experience things like playing tennis, travelling or even going to school due to her poor health. Outside of immediate family, Ichika was the only one to visit her in the hospital, which she deeply appreciated. Whenever anyone visited her, Saki put on a brave face and smile so she wouldn't further upset anybody, despite how empty and hurt she was deep down inside. She'd spend her days crying without anyone there to comfort her, and often worried that she'd never get better. While in the hospital, she was completely oblivious to the groups falling out since nobody ever told her, and she only realized after being discharged from the hospital. Instead of making fun of Leo/Need for not being the most visually striking and having "boring" personalities, I think you should actually read their group stories, cause all of their lore is really interesting

[ryker-writes]

TWST characters as siblings (Diasomnia)

Sorry but there's no Lilia as sibling. I really don't know that much about him and we don't know anything about his family, childhood, or even details about his regular life. Plus he's like Silver's father.

Malleus:

yet another royal

and not just from any royal family but the Draconia family

being royalty meant that there weren't a lot of people you could hang out with as a child

most of those you could hang out with were guards

but then there was your brother Malleus who you could always hang out with

you two spent a lot of time with each other growing up

naturally you two are close

Lilia was also with you two a lot growing up but more as a caretaker

occasionally Lilia would travel somewhere and bring the two of you gifts

the three of you would do everything together in the giant castle

throughout your days the two of you played, ate ice cream, learned magic, and studied together

Malleus is super happy when you end up in NRC together

he's even more happy if you end up in Diasomnia with him

you're someone he really cares about so of course he wants you to be near him

and all the knights are in Diasomnia anyway

if you end up in a different dorm, he will be annoyed

travelling to another dorm just to hang out with you would be inconvenient

he's extremely annoyed if you end up in Savanaclaw

only then would he try to see if you could transfer dorms

probably would have a hard time understanding why you wouldn't want to switch so good luck

Malleus is a protective brother

he won't stop you from making friends or talking to people, he'll even encourage it

but he worries when you start to spend less and less time with him

there's a small part of him that thinks you're going to stop being around him all together and that thought scares him

but he won't act on his worries

if you tell him about a romantic relationship, he's even more worried

he will try to get to know your partner to see what type of person his dear sibling treasures

he may also be slightly passive aggressive to your partner

there's also the other person who is protective of you...Sebek

since you are part of the royal family and Sebek is a knight meant to guard you and Malleus, he treats you the same way he treats Malleus

basically no one is allowed within 6 feet of you and they must watch what they say

Silver and Lilia are much more relaxed about others being around you

you probably have endured some of Malleus' gargoyle speeches in the past, so don't be surprised when he starts telling you about the gargoyles at NRC

he also invites you on some of his late night walks

most students will treat you similarly to Malleus, and they avoid you sooooo good luck

Silver:

father Lilia has two children???

you grew up with Silver

Lilia had you both living in a cabin in the woods

and Lilia wasn't there half the time so...

you and Silver spent a lot of time together and were very close

Silver spent a lot of time training to be a knight and Lilia helped him

if you wanted to train with them and become a knight yourself, they would both be thrilled

Lilia would be such a proud dad and Silver would love to have someone he can train with

if you didn't want to they would respect your decision and just let you watch the training

though Lilia would insist he teach you how to defend yourself at least

Lilia would take care of you two while he was there

this means you get told all sorts of stories, getting to play together, and he teaches you things

you also have to eat his food so good luck

when Lilia isn't there, Silver helps take care of you

he's a pretty decent cook (much better than Lilia anyway)

when big animals came near the house Silver would go out and handle them

Silver is glad that you two get to go to NRC together

he would be happy if you got into Diasomnia with him but won't really be upset if you get assigned elsewhere

Silver is not a protective brother at all

he doesn't mind when you make new friends and will even encourage you to make new friends and spend time with them

he would like to know who they are but won't get too involved beyond that

similar situation if you were in a romantic relationship but he would like to know more than just who they are

he would try to get to know them a little more

he's happy for you

Silver falls asleep often around the school so maybe help him

like if he falls asleep in an inconvenient place or in the middle of doing something

he's pretty relaxed most of the time so he's perfect if you need someone to talk to or to get something off your chest

he's a great listener and will fight off any drowsy spell for as long as he can to listen to what you're saying

Sebek:

are your eardrums okay?

there's a chance he got that loud voice from one of his parents

even if he didn't you still live with him and grew up with him

aside from Sebek you have two other siblings

both of your parents were often busy working at their dental clinic so you and Sebek would go visit your grandpa

he would teach the two of you how to fish and you and you two would often play in the water, sometimes with your other siblings too

Sebek would often talk about becoming a knight and serving Lord Malleus

sometimes he would even go off to train with Lilia

he would be so happy if you wanted to become a knight with him

if not that's okay too

your other siblings are a quite a bit older than you and Sebek so you and Sebek were somewhat close

he's happy that you two get to go to NRC

even happier if you get into Diasomnia with him

he wishes for you to witness Malleus' glorious presence too

if you don't get into Diasomnia he may be upset, but won't even think about you changing dorms

not that he wouldn't want to, but more because that idea doesn't come to him

Sebek is a little protective

he won't stop you from making friends or anything but if feels someone said something offensive to you he will start shouting

even if it wasn't offensive or you don't take offense

he does for you

you are family so in his mind a insult to you means an insult to him too

if you get into a romantic relationship, he's internally conflicted

on one hand he wants you to be happy and hates the idea of ruining your happiness

but he also worries about them hurting you

so conflicted that he's strangely quiet when your partner is around or gets brought up

like I said: he want's you to witness the perfection that is Malleus Draconia

so he'll try to bring you around Diasomnia often

he just wants you to see him and if you're lucky you can talk to him

but if you say something that Sebek thinks is wrong he's so sad

immediately falls to the floor apologizing to Malleus

his family is a part of him so anything you do reflects on him too

you also get daily updates on what amazing thing Malleus has said or done

most students assume you're going to be really loud at first and yell at them over small things

some may also come to you when Sebek is yelling at them and ask for help