#like do people genuinely forget that platonic love exists? or that any other sexualities exist?

[marshmallowloves]

Self ship struggle #5379/????

Male F/O that I, a woman, self-ship with: *is ambiguous in his sexuality, never explicitly written to be romantically interested in anyone, but does explicitly care for his male friend(s)*

Creators/Official page for his source: *posts art where his male friend is hugging him and saying "I love you"*

The replies: "YOUR HONOR THEY ARE GAY!!! THERE IS NO STRAIGHT EXPLANATION FOR THIS!!! ALL THE COMMENTERS SAYING OTHERWISE ARE JUST NASTY M/M HATING FUCKBOYS!!!"

Me: *cannot even breathe in the direction of the post because if I do I will inevitably be labeled as disgustingly homophobic*

[all-about-seggs]

A pact in blood-

Rating: 18+, Explicit

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Fem! Reader

Word count: ~3K

Warnings: Semi-incest (Satoru is your cousin/ distant relative), masturbation, Cunnilingus, fingering, hand job, the relationship is a bit messed up, yandereish undertones.

A/n: This takes place when he's still in the academy.* Image source*

“AA-ahhh! Please don’t- don’t stop…”,

Your broken pleas reverberated through the room as Satoru’s deft fingers worked their way in and out of your sopping wet hole. You gripped the sturdy jacket that covered his shoulders, folding the fabric between your fists was the only thing you could do to maintain the last shred of composure you had.

He was like a passing cloud who offered you momentary relief and was on his way as soon as your were done, the fragments of longings that remained on your body etched deeper after every night.

Position after position, he went from your pussy over his lips to eating you out ass up and face down, all for the pleasure you couldn’t seem to get by yourself. You were now splayed out on his lap, face buried in his neck and one arm draped over him for support. Waves of his sweet scent and the euphoria assaulting your senses at the same time, taking you closer and closer to the edge.

It’s been quite some time now but the memory of your first encounter with your unfairly gorgeous cousin Satoru has been etched into your mind as if it happened just yesterday.

You were in the manor of the esteemed Gojo clan for a family event and even though you didn’t shared the same surname you were related nonetheless and were hence invited. It was a four day and three night celebration where the entire place was abuzz with excitement.

It didn’t really mattered to you, being here with a go with a flow kind of attitude, you just minded your own business until spoken to and not mingling with the faceless crowd of people you didn’t even knew the names of.

Thankfully your room was in the separate building which was a little bit further from where all the riotous events centered around. After just half a day of being in the middle of the chaos you wanted to find a way to unwind and that’s when it happened.

Stark naked and two fingers up your little cunt, there was no explaining or bullshitting your way out of this situation when the heir of the household, Satoru Gojo himself walked in in you. Feeble attempts to cover yourself and half hearted stutterings died in your mouth as soon as the young man opened his.

“ Wrong”, the deadpan reply of his made your already shaken up state worsen. Panic flooding in your system begged you to make excuses or atleast request him to not speak of this to anyone, after all families of high status are nothing if not conservative and you didn’t wanted to cause anyone any trouble.

“ I meant, y/n chan, that you’re doing it wrong”, not paying any mind to your internal conflict he continued speaking form where he stood near the door, “ don’t you know how to masturbate? I thought you were in highschool?”

His genuinely perplexed tone made you reconsider your previous opinions about the heir to the clan. Satoru, a guy who walked in on a relative masturbating, was supposed to show courtesy and leave the second he entered but instead he was rating your technique, which in all honesty may have been lacking indeed but you were desperate to cum and he seemed to pick up on that.

“ Since you’re clearly having trouble getting off”, he loosened the obi of his particularly formal kimono and shifted his uncovered ocean blue eyes towards your form, “Want me to teach you?”, his question made you gulp, then gauge your eyeballs out in disbelief. Sure you weren’t closely related and have only spoken once or twice but you attended all the occasions and holiday celebrations at their place and knew that your relationship was only platonic. His offer to cross that line made you flinch back at first.

Heaving a sigh he closed the door and sat cross legged on the tatami mat next to your futon.

“ Relax, t’s not a big deal”, flashing a toothy grin he leaned forward until your noses touched.

“ Afterall, I AM your big brother”

“ wait- you’re also in highschool!”, You retorted, “ I bet you’re a virgin too. So what CAN you teach me anyway?”, overcoming the initial embarrassment, your mouth started moving in its own accord only getting encouraged by his laid back demeanor.

“ Pfttt- so you get defensive when cornered? How cute!”, he giggled, a smile teasing at his lips at your obvious attempt to hide the shame burning in your core.

“Don’t worry, I know my way around a pussy just fine”, light hearted words fell effortlessly from his mouth and you could swear half of your brain was short circuiting because of his crude way of speaking. For all his regal appearance, he was just like any other highschooler, a year older than you but his stature and delicate features gave him a magestic aura that exceeds that of people decades older than him.

Just by the few encounters from the past, you figured he wasn’t one for following traditions or rules if it didn’t suit him. He was way above the rest, in his own distant world everytime you saw him, the school he went to, the things he had experienced were all different.

Forgetting the other's existence after passing each other by with a few formalities exchanged was all you had done with each. You two were never close or even friends but now the chance presented itself to take your non existent relationship to the extreme end through your bodies.

You wanted this.

To feel good. The hormones of youth pumping your impulsiveness you relax your muscles and lie on your back. You could clearly hear Satoru’s playfully indifferent chuckle from above when you slowly part your legs to show him the sides of yourself that even you have never completely seen.

“Just this once, okay?”

He said he was just teaching you how to masturbate but it wasn’t that simple. The only person to get naked was you and the only person who experienced the mind numbing pleasure, was also you. He only needed his deft fingers and mouth to make you feel better and for a while you didn’t even question.

That one lesson of self pleasure which you both were supposed to forget turned into an entire session as day after day Satoru would show up at your parents house unbeknownst to a soul and you both crossed the same lines of platonic relationship everyday.

The euphoria was endless but with a single rule that you weren’t allowed to touch him in turn and it goes without saying that the two of you never went all the way. It would always start with small talks about the day, even when you’d be talking, all your focus was on what was to come next.

That’s why after a few weeks of the detached pleasure he provided you, it got you thinking what he actually wanted from you. Satoru had already seen, touched and tasted all your body had to offer, never revealing any of his own.

You wondered if he ever felt sexually frustrated by always giving and never asking for anything in return. You knew he was not THAT nice. At least that’s what you believed considering his sadistic streak in bed. He did seem to be enjoying himself when he's messing you up so maybe he didn’t have many sexual urges that he needed to satisfy and was just acting on curiosity or maybe he had someone else, someone older with more experience who he didn’t constantly had a upper hand with and was able to see them as an equal. This thought alone made your chest tight, with an unnatural pain that threatened to break your heart.

You had to catch your darkening train of thought before it reached to the conclusion you were most afraid of. Knowing full well that this was just a fleeting moment that is only supposed to be enjoyed through a lens of carefree thinking, you push the budding feelings of the some very complicated emotions out of your system. The surge of jealousy you felt may have born out of falling in love with a family member but it was wrong on so many levels.

A love that starts with lust never ends well for anyone but as you were laying in his arms, the control over your body handed completely to him, your mind wondered how things would feel vice versa.

“ You seem distracted y/n”, Satoru looked at you, with his glasses off the beautiful azure eyes hidden beneath a delicate layer of white eyelashes filled your vison.

“ I’m obviously not doing it right if you have time to get lost in your thoughts”, putting you down on your bed, he started to move away and for a minute you got your hopes up, thinking your chance to finally have him completely and you cursed yourself for wanting at the same time. But no amount of berating would scrub off the insatiable thirst you had, for its roots had already made their way to your heart.

“Please let me help you too”, these few words took a lot of guts, letting go of all the inhibitions and threads of morality you fix Satoru with an unwavering gaze.

“ That’s okay babygirl, I’M the one who does the teaching here afterall”, you saw what he was trying to do, his airy yet gentle tone didn’t left much room for argument but the gray zone of your relationship was blurring to the point of confusion urged you to give into your clamoring emotions.

Without a second thought you jumped on him with all your might, closing the distance he put within seconds to cover his mouth with yours. You knew how much you weighed but despite your aggressive actions his sturdy form didn’t even deter form his position while catching you. You twirled your tongue over the roof of his mouth, the taste of your juices still lingering in there.

Hoping to have proven your resolve that wasn’t going to settle for getting brushed aside you break the kiss and look expectantly at him. An invisible bond between the two of you taking shape, strengthening the magnetism that attracted you to him.

“ That eager for my cock are you?”, Taking your face in one of his huge hand he makes you look straight at him, “You really want more? More than I'm already giving you?”, just one more push. You thought, with just a bit of coaxing, you were sure Satoru's wishy washy rules would crumble to make way for your upcoming actions.

“ I do. I know exactly what I want but”, steeling your nerves you face him, eye to eye, “ What do YOU want?”. The question was simple but the conflict swirling within Satoru’s eyes was evident and for the first time you realised that maybe this wasn’t just a case of casual hookup for him as well.

“ I want all your firsts. That’s all.” After a short stretch of silence he spoke, ironically the borderline obsessiveness of his glib response, like magic, cleared away the fog was previously clouding your mind. The nonchalance of his smirk should've been the red flag that made you rethink your life choices but the heat of the moment only seemed to ignite your lust.

Not uttering a single word, you quickly work on shedding him off his cloths, he doesn’t make any attempts at stopping you this time around, this knowledge pulling a smile out of you. By the time you reached for his boxers your hands were shaking.

Whether from excitement or nervousness you couldn’t tell but looking down through the veil of his heavy eyelashes, Satoru’s passion was evident.

Eyeing up his exposed body you still for a moment to take it all in. You ran you hands through his sculpted chest and down to his abdomen, your nails scratching the surface of his defined muscles. All of his masculinity contrasted with his oddly sweet scent and velvety pink lips that never failed to lure you in for deep soft kisses.

There’s no doubt girls must be always fawning over him and his perfectly smooth skin was something that even made you jealous. You were so captivated by his looks that you had to shake yourself free from your lovesick stupor .

You feel him up a little, hands running across his toned chest, you drag your nails through the rise and dips of his abdomen down to the contours of his defined V- line before turning your attention to his hardening member. Your breath quickens as your trembling fingers hook beneath his waistband.

Taking out his pulsating member you run your eyes up and down his entire length. He was big, to say at the very least. Bigger than you'd expected and more than you thought you could handle but backing out now would be straight up hypocrisy when your drooling mouth said otherwise.

With your ass right next to his chest, you start licking and sucking his tip with fervour, not wanting to waste even a single drop of his cum that you wanted so bad. You heard him moan lightly behind you, his voice only fuelled the fire that was burning your core. Having never given a blow job to anyone before you struggled in keeping a steady pace and his girthy cock didn’t make it any easier on you.

In just a few minutes you jaw ached and your entire face hurted but Satoru showed no signs of cumming.

In your own world again, you racked up your brain to figure out how to please him when suddenly you felt a hand climbing up your thigh. With the other hand he gripped your hips and pulled your lower half until you were straddling his mouth.

“ It’s a lot better like this don’t you think?”, as he spoke you felt his breath caressing your nether lips and you shivered in delight at the new position.

He snaked his hands in between your thighs and spread open your slit, glistening with your dripping arousal using his thumbs. Every single fold of yours now in display Satoru licked his plush lips before leaving open mouthed kisses on the exposed skin. His lips pulling out a series of appreciative hums as you desperately try to focus on your own actions.

Taking his hard length half in your mouth and half in one of your hand you tried to match the skilful movements of Satoru’s tongue that relentlessly lapped at your clit. After a few minutes of trying and failing to suck him up properly your senses got completely clouded by the heavy onslaught of that familiar release you had gotten used to.

You wanted to ask him to stop so you catch up to him but he the vigor in his actions and your own overwhelming surge of desires made you decide against it, the broken stings of his name died down with you still half choking on his length.

The only thing your lust laden mind could decipher except for pleasure was shame. To you, it was shameful how, being the one who asked to touch him, you were the one tethering near the edge. Before long your convulsing pussy was dripping with your juices, trickling down from his face that was still buried nose deep in your crotch.

Messing you up always filled Satoru with a kind of affection that he didn’t thought he was capable of.

Your cute whines getting muffled by his cock that you could only take half way past your llip sent waves of ecstasy down his spine. The cum that kept on flowing from your aching hole that he was the first to taste and the last as well took him to a high that no amount of pleasure could.

He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be the provider of your everything who had complete control over you or if he just wanted to spend hours into the night, praising every fibre of your being that was so eager to make him feel good. This duality of his thoughts confused him further and in that moment he knew he had to see this to the end.

Your heavy pants was the only thing that could be heard in the otherwise silent room, guilt and pleasure leaving you tongue tied. You move yourself from above him, your quivering body falling like a sac just beside his own.

“ I’m sorry! I couldn’t make you-“, before you could finish your breathy apology he brought up a finger near your frowning lips to quite you down.

“Its okay sugar, it was your first time. Not a big deal.”, the soft notes of his voice took the edge off of the disappointment you felt, “I told you. I’ll teach you everything.”

Those eyes. Two shining orbs of brilliant blue gazed at you in the same way you found yourself staring at him. Watching over you like it was their birthright and oddly enough, the scrutiny made you feel completly at home just like the warmth of his long arms that wrapped themselves around you.

" Realx Y/n, I'll be very thourough with my teaching, afterall,", your heart thumped loudly in your chest in response to his smooth voice, "I don't do things halfway.

The pleasent fatigue that had taken a hold of your body slowly dissipated but the growing haziness of your mind got you wondering if you were falling in deepness of his ocean blue eyes but as soon realization hit you, you were already halfway through blacking out.

That you’d never be forgiven for wanting.

From that moment on, you knew.

Part 2? Idk you tell me(╯︵╰,)

[we-pay-for-everything]

My fundamental problem with cangel is that the two start not just platonic but familial and then literally nothing about their dynamic and almost nothing about their characters change before Fred and Lourne start telling the audience they're in love. Oh and that then the writers proceed to carve Cordelia down to little more than Angels cheerleader and make her oblivious to the entire situation.

To be honest, the problem to me starts before season 3. My problem is that Cordelia and Angel were labeled as "family" way before they even became a family.

One of the main themes in season 1 is found family, but Cordelia and Angel are essentially strangers who are also friends as well as employee/employer. They have a complicated relationship, but they are both going through stuff and decide to stick together and to rely on each other. There is genuine affection there - we can see in the beginning of season 2 that Cordelia cares for Angel - but season 2 is also an example of the distance that exists between them. Cordelia can't actually understand the reality of Angel's existence; part from the loneliness, and what she calls the "no boning" thing, she doesn't understand the complexity of Angel's mind and the weight of his past. Family doesn't have to get you, but that love is born from watching someone grow up or growing up with someone; it's also born from obligation. Angel and Cordelia have no obligation towards each other nor a long history together. Family is messy but familial love is, to some extent, unconditional. In the first half of season 2, Angel and Cordelia are two people who could have very well gone their separate ways at any point without any hard feelings. Angel was a fuck up but family wouldn't give on the troublemaker of the family quite so easily. Cordelia (and Wes) gave up too quickly, because they were only friends at that point. Family gives up on you, for sure, but found family isn't supposed to be like that. Found family is closer than actual family by definition. And someone close to Angel wouldn't have given up on him so easily.

I do think once the gang got back together, they were considerably closer, and the beginning of season 3 saw them resemble a family of sorts. But I still struggle to see Cordy/Fred, Wes/Gunn, Lorne/everyone, etc. as people who loved each other. However, I think love existed between Angel/Cordy/Wes (I don't know what to make of Cordelia forgetting about Wes's existence, but Cordy and Wes were the closest to family until season 3 eviscerated that friendship).

Anyway, one of the main themes in season 3 is, again, family. The writers were very overt about it - they made a big deal of showing how close the group was. To me, Angel and Cordelia only actually became something more definite like family in that season. And it was precisely because of that that the friends to lovers transition was so poorly executed - because it felt like a friends to forced family to lovers transition. CC and DB have no romantic or sexual chemistry, so the result of all the screen time they got together was, in the audience's mind, a development of their familial bond. Of course some scenes were more explicitly romantic, but as the audience was unwilling to view it as such, the result was the same.

Even the platonic development of Cordelia and Angel's relationship felt artificial. Cordelia and Angel's personalities changed so much in the beginning of season 3 that it was hard to reconcile their characters in season 3 with their characters in the previous seasons. This was the writers' fatal flaw imo. The romantic development of their friendship was build on top of a crumbling foundation. To transition them from friends to lovers they tried to deepen that bond of friendship, but artificially, so when Lorne and Fred started talking about moira and whatnot Cangel was already unrecognizable, which made the romance even more unpalatable. Although the writers wished, from the beginning, to make them fall in love, the audience wasn't aware of that. We essentially saw a development of their friendship and were confused when, as you said, nothing changed except our perception of their relationship due to Lorne and Fred's involvement.

I don't think Cordelia and Angel being "family" ever stood in the way of romance, but rather that "family" was forcing Cordelia to be Angel's baby mama when we all know Cordelia in season 2 wouldn't even have babysat Connor without complaining first (she would've done it, but first she would have forced Wes into helping her haha). We also know from season 2 that Angel and Cordelia still had a long way to go with their friendship, but season 3, quite conveniently, swept everything under the rug.

The main problem with Cangel is, like you said, that we were told, rather than shown, that Cangel had feelings for each other, and also that this progression of their relationship relied heavily on Cordelia becoming a different person, and Angel too.

Sorry for being so long-winded. I'm not even sure I made sense. Also, you made a good point about Cordy's obliviousness being absurd, because Cordy is a pretty self-aware person - at least about her own feelings.

Thanks for the ask! Have you just found my blog? I've written plenty of posts about Cangel, in case you are interested.

[queenharumiura]

B, E, L, P, H, A, G, O, R

Taken from meme: [x] ||Accepting|| ((I see what you did there and it’s beautiful. A++ ))

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

In regards to KHR, it’s hard to find any ship that I didn’t consider, because there was a time when I went crazy thinking of all sorts of ships (boy/boy, boy/girl, girl/girl. Don't test me). Still, there is an answer because this ship started it all. Hibari x Haru lol. At the time they were my favorite female and male character in KHR. My friend joked and said, “If you love them both so much, just ship them together.” History was made that day. Coincidentally I’ve cosplayed both. I will never show them off because they aren’t good lol. That started my descent down: This is fun, let’s ship almost anything I can find. Ships didn't necessarily have to be romantic either. I love exploring friendships and also just sibling dynamics as well. Haru adopting people? Yes please. 

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

I feel like I’m a troll in general, so I have added something cracky to any fandom that I’m in. Two things I can think of atop my head are ‘you reblogged a dare meme and you dare think I won’t ask Mukuro/Hibari/Alaude/Daemon to wear cat ears? HA!!!! YOU THOUGHT!!’. Another would be that I like puns, so if I see my chance to pun in a meme, I will. I always ask first before I send, however. It usually results in silliness, as you could imagine and Haru running away in fear.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

I guess I’m neutral about Dr.Shamal so he should count? Mn...despite the way he is with women and the way he refuses to treat male patients, he’s a smart guy and talented at what he does. He was also utilized well in putting Gokudera’s character into perspective more. Additionally, he is a good example of, ‘Haru will punch you out if you cross the boundaries,’ and I appreciate him for that. His sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Never forget how he is the reason why Mukuro was able to use Sakura blossoms against Hibari in the first place. This man--- the damage he has caused.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

I’m assuming this is asking for me to create an AU for Haru as she’s placed in a different fandom. If that’s correct, I am going to casually pretend that I don’t know the difference between a fandom and a genre by going: “I’ve been reading way too many isekai recently and I think it would be funny to consider Haru getting sent to an otome or something and her being a super sassy and head strong FL. Watch her instantly try to change her identity or run away from bad male leads with all her might. I would live for this, thank you. Haru is also smart and adapts well, so she’d be able to adapt to whatever world setting she’s put in and she doesn’t hate studying, so she’d be able to pick up on the intricacies of her new world. Mainly, I just want a FL who will actually smack the life out of a ML if he’s being a POS. I NEED THIS. It’s emotional healing.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

I really like sourcing things in novels or manga/manhwa/manhua a lot. Animated sources are good too, but it’s much quicker for me to go through something that’s written, so I tend to prefer those now days. Anything that’s easier for me to binge is A+.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I’m answering strictly based off this blog in it’s current state, else you’ll be here forever. If I talk about ships in KHR in general, you’ll actually be here forever. No @ tags bc I’m feeling shy today. I personally love the dynamic between Gokudera and Haru (platonic or romantic). I’ve historically liked BelHaru, and it looks like it may become a thing in RPC as well. Haru is warily staring from a comfortable distance atm. Haru has a friendly relationship with a Byakuran at the moment. They’re baking a cake! She is generally very friendly with any Tsuna I encounter.

Ravein/Pino… yeah, I self-thread sometimes. Haru has a sibling kinda dynamic with Ravein which is really just a friendship dynamic. It’s the same with Pino. Mizumachi and Haru are both energetic, hyper buddies. Hibari—I aim for just a casual lowkey friendship kinda dynamic. Shame in self-threading? Never heard of her.

The best way to describe her relationship with Zelman in a ‘Black Blood Brothers’ au is ‘hey I just moved into the territory you lord. Hello!’ I think this would go down a friendship route and I’m so for it. Kajika from ‘Hanasakeru Seishonen’ has a friendship with Haru and they just get along swimmingly well. I think the mun for Rentaro ‘Black Bullet’ returned, so I think he can count. Haru has a friendship with him and they’re cooking buddies! They joined a cooking association together!

Haru also has friendships with Emi (KHR oc), and Luca (KHR oc), both of which are in the Varia!au setting that I have for Haru. Emi in particular, Haru has decided to adopt her as a little sis and will pummel anyone who bullies her. Luca--- sometimes in conjunction with Ravein (my OC) drive Haru insane. It’s a trio of dumb, dumbest, and ‘hey I’m the dumbest!’.

The ‘ships’ that I have with Haru are usually always friendship and ‘hey I’m arbitrarily adopting you’ and I love it.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Eh--- in RPC, my very first one... I believe, was GokuHaru. I currently have a GokuHaru (A different blog) in an AU for a TYL setting. I think I got very close to HibaHaru before, which is, a guilty pleasure ship of mine. Haru is treading into BelHaru territory right now in RPC and that is also, a guilty pleasure ship of mine. In the distant past there was also a TsuHaru (I know, I know, shocking) which was a reincarnated lovers Yakuza AU. That was a fun one. Also in the distant past, there was an AU for a MukuHaru as well. Le kek. I am a multi-ship blog and all ships have existed in different worlds/universes, therefore they all quality as an OTP in their own specific verse. I cheated, yes.

Pro-tip: I may warily stare from afar if shipping is a topic, but the moment you suggest an AU SHIP? I’m down. To further explain, these AU ships have always taken place in a very different timeline/world than what we know in KHR. So therefore I can feel all the freedom to do as I please and figure out characterizations based off what I need.  

PS. in regard to KHR in general, my first OTP was GokuHaru and GokuYama. Le kek.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

I took my library of songs and randomized. I got: ‘Get Off My Back’ by Bryan Adams and Eliot Kennedy. So, by the vibe of the music, the first things that come to mind are either GokuHaru or BelHaru, I’m not going to lie. Now… who is saying these words, I’ll leave it to the imagination. I really like this song, but I really like the cover by Jonathan Young.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Oh—that’s hard. Friendship dynamics are so fun! I really like Ryohei and Hibari’s dynamic together which could be depicted as friendship. The friendship between a lot of the guardians is just //chef kiss. However, the TRUE SHOW STOPPER in my heart is the friendship between the girls. I really love how all the girls build each other up and always support each other. I love it so much. Especially when the girls are there for Chrome, I CRY. When they support Yuni, I CRY. When I think about how big sis Bianchi looks after the girls and teaches them things- I CRY. I just cry. I love all the friendships in KHR, but the ones the girls share with each other wins in my book. I don’t take criticisms.

[askanaroace]

Can I get some clarification about "aplatonic"? I've read your tag on it but am still confused. Do aplatonic people still need social interaction? Do they need emotional bonds in some form to be happy? I thought these were universal needs but aplatonic people seem to prove this false. I might have some self esteem issues because I feel sort of guilty about needing that sense of connection to be happy if it's something people can not need, if that makes sense? I hope this wasn't irritating

If I found questions irritating, I’d’ve chosen the wrong type of blog to start!

I’m going to answer your questions because I know most people are likely baffled by aplatonicism. I know because I could not wrap my head around what it must be like before I myself was aplatonic.

However, I’m going to address something else first, because you don’t seem to really be asking these clarifications out of a genuine sense of curiosity and desire to get to understand aplatonic better in order to support your aplatonic family (hi!).

Something does not need to be a universal need, desire, or want in order for it to be a valid need, desire, or want that you have.

It doesn’t matter how I or any other aplatonic person feels in regards to if something you feel or want is valid. We do not control that. We do not hold some omnipresent power to validate or invalidate you.

Gay folk are valid even though some folk are straight. Bisexual folk are valid even though some folk are gay or straight. Trans folk are valid even though some folk are cis. Cultural-specific third genders are valid even though those genders don’t exist in other cultures.

Your desire for connection and bond and relationships is valid regardless of people who are aplatonic and nonamorous, whatever their own personal feelings about relationships.

This feeling of guilt you have over needing and wanting connection and bonds with others is absolutely an issue you should address in yourself. It is not healthy to beat yourself up over your own needs and wants. It is not harmful to want or to have relationships. Therefore feeling guilty over it absolutely has basis in something unhealthy in yourself that is hurting you. Please find a way to address and work on this in yourself. If you’re in a place where you can, this is exactly something you can work on addressing with a therapist or counselor. If not, try an app like Pacifica that can help you learn CBT techniques to keep mindful and treat yourself well. 

It is healthy to prioritize your needs and wants. People are diverse and complex. We do not all need the same things as one another, nor do we have to need the same things.

I need an inhaler to live thanks to my asthma and allergies. If you have properly working airways (or an issue which inhalers won’t help), you don’t need to take an inhaler just so I can be valid for taking care of my own life.

My sister is involved with a community of vegan folk because otherwise she feels very lonely and isolated being the only vegan she knows. I do not need to become vegan or join that community in order for a) her choice to be vegan to be valid, or b) her desire to engage specifically with other vegans to be valid. It is also valid that my sister feels lonely in her dietary choice even though I’ve never mocked her choice and always make sure there’s food for her at my place or any place we may meet up because it’s true that as someone with a far less restricted diet, I don’t understand the daily struggle to check every piece of food around to see if it can be consumed or not.

My friend deeply wants a child and is working hard with her husband to have one, including going through their options, as due to her health, pregnancy may be out of the question. I do not want to raise children at all. I do not need to want to have children for my friend’s desire to be valid.

People need and want different things all the time. There is nothing inherently wrong about this. When it’s wrong is when it’s hurting someone, and right now the only one being hurt is you for not allowing yourself to have feelings and desires. Of course we all want and even need validation at times, even when the choice is ours alone to make. But you shouldn’t need validation that 100% of people feel exactly the same way as you to allow yourself to feel a way.

Your guilt is unnecessary, and it breaks my heart that your brain would trick you into treating yourself like this.

You want connection and relationships? That’s valid. You’re valid. Go forth and foster connection and relationships. And don’t forget to work on learning to let go of that unnecessary and harmful guilt that you’re harboring. You deserve better than that.

Now, to try and briefly answer the questions you asked (because I don’t want to take away too much from the above):

Do aplatonic people still need social interaction? Do they need emotional bonds in some form to be happy?

Depends on the person.

First off, unless you’re a hermit (and even then, it’s not guaranteed you’ll never run into anybody), it’s nigh impossible to go without any social interaction whatsoever. There’s a lot of ways to get social interaction without having close friendships: shopping and interacting with a salesperson or cashier, smalltalk with people in an elevator you’re riding in, familial relationships, talking or even going out with coworkers, interacting with customers if that’s a part of your job, playing games online with folk, participating in forums and blogs, volunteering and helping people out, catching up with an acquaintance, going to classes to learn a new skill/forming a study group, joining a gym with group classes, etc. 

Emotional bonds can also be formed in a variety of ways. You can have a bond with your pets. An aplatonic person may also have a variety of other bonds. Familial bonds. Sexual bonds. Queerplatonic bonds.

Aplatonic means a lack of desire/difficulty forming platonic relationships. That’s it.

Some aplatonic folk may really struggle for form platonic relationships/bonds but may desperately want to. Some aplatonic folk may not really have friends but when they start getting to know someone well, that person goes from acquaintance straight to family. Some aplatonic people are not nonamorous/nonpartnered and may desire or have a queerplatonic partner.

For me, I’m pretty exhausted by the whole state of things. Yet, I have bimonthly dinners with my sister because I love her and it’s ridiculous that we live in the same city and almost never see each other otherwise. I started the dinners to improve the relationship I felt we had, since I think she feels like we can’t do anything together. Yet, I have a good relationship with my coworker. I work in an office with just him (our bosses are in another state), so a good relationship with him keeps things running smoothly and comfortably. Yet, I go out with my coworker and his wife (who is actually my friend from HS) because a) I had a close friendship with her before I became aplatonic and I still care deeply for her, b) it helps get me out of the house and I do usually have fun, and c) I know they appreciate it and I like making people happy. Yet, I still go to muay thai two times a week and chat with my instructor and laugh and talk with people I spar with because that’s a part of going to a group class, and I genuinely enjoy the atmosphere of the class and the attitude of the people that attend.

I don’t really have anybody in my life that I trust to tell or want to tell some of the deeper, more personal things about me, especially the bad stuff I’ve been through and being currently without healthcare, I can’t talk through these things with a therapist. Sometimes I do get lonely and hate that I’m this way. It’s scary that if something happened to me, I wouldn’t know who to call for help. Sometimes I just want to share, but I don’t feel I have anyone that I can do that with, and I don’t have the energy to put time forth fostering a relationship in which I could. And on the whole, I prefer to be independent, even though it makes some things harder.

We’re all human. We all have struggles. We all have our weaknesses. Some people may be happier and more confident being aplatonic than others are. As is the way of people of all groups. We don’t invalidate each other because we feel differently about our label any more than we invalidate you for not having the same label as us.

x

[sithroyal]

Kylo and Relationships

this headcanon was prompted by rpcDev’s challenge. word count: 2,926 (not including prompt questions/topics).

Level one

Handling relationships

     Kylo / Ben keeps most relationships at arm’s length. 

While working with the First Order, he is focused on his work and therefore isn’t terribly interested in becoming romantic with someone. In this case, it tends to be a ‘if it happens, it happens’ situation. He has a habit of tunnel visioning on his goals and often forgetting or overlooking a romantic partner around this time.

As Ben, he tends to keep most people away to protect them from him and his reputation. Ben is well aware that his past is turbulent and has led to him being unstable (both mentally and financially). He doesn’t wish that kind of instability on someone else. This doesn’t mean that he won’t be friends with another person but romantic relationships will be sparse and far between.

Reminder: He’s aware of what he’s done as Kylo Ren and he knows that he chose to do those things. Post-TROS Ben Solo is not deluded into thinking that he’s well loved simply because he finally went back to the light. 

Strongest familial relationship? Closest non-familial platonic relationship?

     Strongest family relationship is most definitely Han. As a child, Ben wasn’t able to sleep well until he was at least two years old and the only person who could get him to sleep was Han. He looked up to his father and wanted to be like him when he grew up. If anyone asked a young Ben Solo where he saw himself as an adult, he would have said that he’d have been a crew member on the Millennium Falcon. 

Non-familial would have to be Hux, oddly enough. Ren respects that Hux has no reason to lie to him about anything. Hux has no problem telling him when he’s done something fucking stupid and he’s not going to blow smoke up his ass just to do it. He’s well aware that Hux has a strong dislike for him and he prefers it. 

Tied with Hux is Rey. Someone who didn’t even know him, someone he tormented and hunted down like prey, did what she could to bring him back when he didn’t deserve her efforts. Even with the force bond, that’s left a hell of an impact on Ben. 

How do these bonds (or lack thereof) influence them? Do these relationships impact them negatively, or positively, in terms of forming or considering romantic relationships? 

     It’s a mixed bag. In many of his relationships, there’s been an element of betrayal, either to him or by himself. Broken trust can do a lot of things to mess a person up. A nice way to visualize it is that Ben’s trust is like a mirror that’s been hit multiple times, broken, and he’s tried to piece it back together but there are lost shards. 

There’s the chance that he’s never going to fully trust someone to the amount that they’ll want him to. This doesn’t mean that he won’t try though. Of course, that’s not counting Snoke’s influence and his struggles with the dark side. Ben’s responsible for his father’s death and the death of many countless others. 

Are they the type to dive in head first, or do they test the waters & take things slow?

     Slow. For the love of everything that’s holy, go slow with him. Ben has never had a romantic relationship before. He’s going to make mistakes and misunderstand how to do things. Not only that, but he has a lot of fucking trauma to deal with. 

Once again, just because he went back to the light doesn’t mean that he’s automatically perfect. Ben’s going to struggle like any other person when it comes to a new relationship. He’s been under Snoke’s thumb for around six years and there was pre-existing instability before that. Anxiety, depression, and for a short while, he believed he was hearing voices. There’s a lot of unhealthy thinking that’s going to need to be dealt with before he’ll be able to fully commit to a romantic relationship. 

This isn’t to say that one can’t happen but go slow with him. 

Level Two

What are some things that help them 'make the jump' from something platonic to considering something deeper with someone?  

     Being understanding and patient with him helps a fucking lot and he likes to make sure that his partner is taken care of, as Kylo or Ben. 

For Kylo, it’s knowing that he may never be a part of the light and understanding if he chooses to stay. Treating him the way that he feels he deserves is one of the biggest things. He hates himself as Kylo Ren but he also feels that he’s the superior version of himself. So if someone genuinely likes him while he’s Kylo Ren / in the First Order, that’s going to get his attention 100% and he’ll want something more eventually. 

For Ben, it’s going to be someone giving him the chance to learn who he is and how to handle being a normal person again. Someone that’s going to take a chance on him. He knows that he’s done horrific, scummy, abusive, terrible shit in his past, he’s never going to deny it, but if they let him grow and change naturally, that’s important. 

However, they have to also understand that just because they love him, doesn’t mean that he’s going to automatically be a good person. Ben is going to struggle for the rest of his life when it comes to the darker aspects of himself. He’s spent so long in the dark that his eyes need the chance to adjust. Yanking him out into the world and immediately having expectations is not going to help and it will make him back away and close himself off.

What kind of traits do they look for or find attractive? 

     Physical traits don’t matter much to him at all. He’d not going to pick someone based on their looks because that simply doesn’t interest him. What he looks for is in their heart and how they carry themselves. 

For both Kylo and Ben, it’s important to know that they’re driven, determined, and passionate. He wants someone that’s going to inspire him, whether to be lighter or darker doesn’t matter. Their heart, soul, and presence is part of what will get his attention before their looks. 

So don’t come at him thinking that an attractive muse is going to be bedding him any time soon.

Conversely, what kind of things disqualifies a person or throw up major red flags?

     Heavy sexual forwardness. Exhibiting behavior that he used to have while as Kylo Ren or that similar to Snoke. Talking down about others in front of him. Saying anything negative about his parents or anyone in his family (Ben Solo specific). Talking about marriage or having children with him, especially when he barely knows the person.

Is there something that kept them from being in a relationship until they found that special someone? If so, what makes them that someone distinctly unique?

     Well, given that he’s had two Sith Lords manipulating him from a young age, the First Order taking up much of his time, and having to work on becoming a more stable version of himself, Ben’s had a pretty difficult time. So he’s likely never actually looked for anyone in his life.

He doesn’t know if anyone’s ever going to be the one for him or if he’s ever going to truly deserve them (spoiler alert, he’s never going to believe he’s worthy). At this point in his life, he’s going to take whatever he can get and hope that he can be a better version of himself by the time he’s forty (or the worst, if we’re talking Kylo).

Level Three

What gestures imply trust, once that trust has been established? 

     If he falls asleep around them or in the same bed, he trusts them. Talking about his emotions, thoughts, and feelings are another. He’ll give his opinions far more often and take a high amount of interest in the other person’s personal safety. 

The highest level can be seen through whether or not he’s willing to be naked in general around them. If he’s willing to be that vulnerable, then they’ve reached peak trust with him.

What is their love language, & how does this manifest in their relationships? Specific examples are a plus. 

     Doing things. He prefers to do stuff for people. Whether it’s as simple as making food or cleaning something up and going so far as to beat someone half to death for them.

Protecting someone and willingly putting himself between them and an enemy speaks to a lot of love and trust for that person. 

It’s rare that he’ll ever do this in front of another but if he’s willing to cry in front of them, that’s huge. Making fun of him for showing more vulnerable emotions is a sure way for him to cut someone off entirely. That trust will be broken instantly.

Do they like pet names? Do they use pet names?

     Absolutely not. Calling him a pet name will not have the desired affect. While it may seem cutesy or even endearing, hearing them will do nothing more than put him on edge. The only person that ever gave him pet names was his mother and he reserves that right to her only until he trusts the person. 

As for using them, it’s limited. If he does, it’s once in a blue moon. As Kylo, good luck getting him to use them because that’s most likely not happening at all. As Ben, rarely. 

However, as he gets more comfortable, there’s a good chance he’ll start allowing pet names toward himself. At the same time, it also depends on what the pet name is and whether or not he’ll reject it. 

Level Four

What are some negative traits or coping mechanisms they deal with? 

     There’s a mountain of trust issues, anxiety, depression, paranoia, and many more things that’s going on for him. 

As Kylo, he copes through anger and, in many cases, he allows it to control him. He’s highly emotionally driven to the point that his decisions typically don’t make sense. Everything in him is pure chaos. He says things that are callous and cold, usually incredibly hurtful whether they’re intended or not and apologizing for it almost never happens. Many computers and other electronic equipment on the Finalizer have been victimized due to his violent outbursts, this isn’t including force choked employees. 

As Ben, he has a tendency to go for more addictive things. Since Han was the person who gave him his first drink, Ben does use alcohol to comfort himself to a degree. However, he does take notice of it and he tries to stop himself when he realizes it’s becoming a bad habit. Something bad happens? Time to drink. Fucked up and hurt someone? Time to drink. He has to stop that. 

He can’t just pick up a lightsaber and destroy a computer terminal anymore, he has to figure out how to function like a normal fucking human. To that end, he typically tries to rely on meditation techniques that Luke taught him. Getting his emotions out and handled in healthier ways is... difficult. He’s spent so long allowing them to take control for him that finding other solutions feels impossible - until it isn’t. 

How have their past experiences in relationships, or lack thereof, influenced this?

     He felt abandoned by his parents when he was sent to train with his uncle and then, he felt like his uncle had forgotten him when he picked up more padawans. Limited communication with his parents and strict training via Luke left him feeling restricted and burnt out - meaning he was more vulnerable to Snoke and Palpatine’s influence. 

Of course, not everything can be blamed on his family because he did choose to keep the communications with the dark side to himself. Had he spoken to Luke about it, there could have been something done to help him but it was put off until Luke had his vision. When Ben woke up to find Luke standing over him with an ignited saber, he felt threatened and panicked, brought his hut down on Luke and left. 

When he did, he killed many of the other Jedi either directly or indirectly. He burned the temple and ran to join Snoke.

So, taking all of that in mind, his past experiences have certainly put him in some strange areas. Mainly in the way that he’s making choices, terrible ones at that, but he’s also getting influenced into it by others. 

What type of person they are after a relationship ends? Do they stay friends, are they vengeful, are they the type of person that is happy for their ex when they move on or do they want to see their former lovers rot?

     This highly depends on how much he loved the person. If he wasn’t particularly close to them, Ben can part ways and be friendly afterward. If he was highly emotionally invested in them and they break up, he can’t just be friends because he’s still in love with them. Doesn’t matter who ends the relationship.

Kylo is vengeful. He’ll do whatever he feels is necessary to correct the perceived wrong. This includes trying to get the person fired or even killed on the battlefield. He may still love them but it’ll be hard for him to stop that need to hurt them as he’s hurting. 

Ben is much more reasonable when it comes to break ups. He’ll be civil, even so far as being friends, but he won’t be able to allow himself to consider it as anything but his own fault. Ben’ll be happy to see them move on, sure. This doesn’t mean that he’s not still a little bitter but who wants to deal with a guy with years worth of emotional baggage (more like whole storage facilities full of boxes he doesn’t want to unpack yet)?

Level Five

How do they communicate? 

     It’s a little bit of a crap shoot here. 

Kylo doesn’t quite communicate. He expects his partner to just know what it is he’s going on about or feeling. More than half the time, he’s incredibly tense without letting on that work or sith things are bothering him. It’s obvious but he won’t talk about it, he doesn’t want to. As far as he’s concerned, there’s no reason to talk about it. 

Of course this leads into other issues. Since he’s unable to be open with his person, it can create a lot of tension between them and open up avenues for more issues. He’s definitely not the dream guy.

Ben tries. He tries so fucking hard to communicate but he also has no idea what he’s feeling half the time so that’s a challenge in itself. He does better when it comes to text though. Ben can be in the same room with his S/O and be texting them about his anxiety, depression, what have you and get it across far better than if he were speaking. 

Sometimes thoughts and feelings are easier to convey through text so no one he’s involved with should be surprised that this is happening. He tends to ramble and over explain too. But his communication skills will get better as he gets older and gains more experience in the matter. 

Are they more the type to have open, honest, constructive communication, do they only communicate through fights, do they communicate through sex? 

     Kylo communicates through fights. He waits until things have absolutely blown completely out of proportion and suddenly there’s four molehills turned into a mountain range and no one knows exactly what’s going on. They just know that he’s mad, his S/O is mad, and whoever else in the vicinity is mad too. 

But, even if he’s angry and frothing at the mouth, he’s still being as honest as he can be, even if it’s vicious. If he’s had even one thought that week that was negative, it’s going to come out. If he’s thought about strangling one or both of them or running his saber through his S/O, he’s saying it. The whole argument is a fucking event. 

As Ben, he’ll try to address things as they happen so it doesn’t turn out like that but he does still have a tendency to hoard smaller issues. He tries to brush them off as though they don’t bother him but they’ll come up later on in an argument about something else. It may not be the same type of blow out but there’s a smaller scale. He’s not actively trying to hurt anyone and he’s willing to express that. It doesn’t make it healthy though. 

Level Six

What do they think of marriage? is it a goal to be worked toward, or something they shy away from? If they’re for it, have they spend significant time thinking about it? If they’re against it, are they open to alternatives or is long term commitment something they typically prefer to avoid?

     Marriage isn’t something that Kylo / Ben strives for. It’s something that he’s never bothered to think about more than a few seconds because it requires a lot more commitment than he believes is worth it. He’s aware that many marriages work well and some go off without any issues! However, he doesn’t think that he’s the type to enjoy it. 

Over all, he sees marriage as a ‘happy ending.’ After everything that he’s done to the galaxy, he doesn’t believe that he deserves one. Why should he have the right to be happy when so many others aren’t or can’t be? So he leaves that laying in the ground and tries to forget it. Why should he even bother getting any form of government involved if he decides to be with someone anyway? 

Even in that, he does see that his parents’ marriage failed. Ben blames himself for that and thinks that if he’d been able to keep from going to Snoke, his parents would have been fine. At the same time, he doesn’t know what else led to their decision on ending their marriage, for all he knows he could have been the final straw.

He also believes that marriage means that there’s a near mandatory need for children. Ben doesn’t have this urge. This doesn’t mean that he won’t be kind or gentle to children (Kylo’s another story) but he doesn’t think that having his own is for him. What kid would want to grow up and then learn their father was Kylo Ren, their great grandfather was Darth Vader, and the only Jedi in the family (aside from Leia) died because of their father. It’s not the kind of track record any future children need to deal with, in his opinion. He saw how it messed him up and he can’t imagine how it would hurt them. 

All in the same breath, he’s well aware that there’s the good as well. His mother was a Senator, princess, and acted in two rebellions. His father was a famous smuggler and a damn good pilot. His uncle a Jedi. His grandmother a queen and senator. But would any child ever deserve him as their father? Nope, at least not in his eyes. 

Ben is heavily reserved on marriage, to the point that he doesn’t know if he’d even entertain the topic as a piece of conversation.

[bethkerring]

10 Tips on Writing Asexuality

It’s been a long, long twelve years since I first realized I was asexual.

I’m one of the fortunate ones that realized my lesser-known orientation without having to go through years of confusion, uncertainty, and experimentation (because while some might enjoy that, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have). I was fourteen when I first came across the term and thought it might apply to me, and shortly before I turned fifteen, I officially claimed it as my own.

A lot has changed since then. When I first came out, there was almost nothing out there for asexuals. There was the AVEN website, a few blog posts, and even fewer YouTube videos, but the word basically didn’t exist in common knowledge, even among people who identified as LGBTQ+. Any fiction that included ace characters was almost exclusively unconfirmed, and left up to fans to compile lists of evidence that a certain character was probably asexual—which was usually ignored by the majority of fans, who wanted to see the character in sexual situations, and often later brushed aside by the creators.

Now, asexuality is more and more recognized by the popular media and the general public. Visibility is still lacking, but we’re recognized by major LGBTQ+ organizations, represented (to a small extent) in Pride events, and increasingly represented as characters in TV shows, books, movies, etc. I’ve even found random strangers recognizing the asexual pride button on my purse—and I live in the Bible Belt.

And it’s a great feeling. Every time I see another ace character in popular media, I get a little burst of joy to see someone like me—at least in this one way, if not in others. I’m especially glad to see good representation, especially after years of representation that was questionable at best (Sherlock still comes to mind) and harmful at worst (does anyone remember that episode of House?). I’m also thrilled to see that non-asexual people are really interested in doing ace representation right and are reaching out to asexuals to get their take on what they want to see.

So I thought I would include my perspective on writing asexual characters, because frankly, everyone’s experience and viewpoint is a little difference, and I hope this conversation continues with as many diverse voices as possible.

I hope these tips are helpful and make you at least a little more confident about including ace characters in your own work!

1. Watch out for stereotypes, but don’t throw them out the window. This is almost certainly confusing, so let me explain: I often see people try so hard to avoid stereotypical traits in asexual characters that they forget that aces are incredibly diverse. Yes, not all asexuals are aromantic, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals hate close physical contact, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are shy or socially awkward, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals have seventeen cats, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex, but some are. And the list goes on. You should absolutely be aware if a character trait you’ve chosen is stereotypical, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should avoid it, especially if you have more than one asexual character. Be aware of it, but focus on writing a well-rounded, realistic character over avoiding every stereotype in the book. No matter what trait it is, if you’re writing it well, chances are good there’s an asexual out there who will empathize with it.

2. Keep intersectionality in mind. Though, as I said, I’m absolutely thrilled to see more ace characters in media, I know there’s still a desperate need for more diverse examples of asexuality, especially those that take into account how people of different races, genders, abilities, national origins, religions, and ages—among other things—experience their asexuality. A man does not experience asexuality the same as a woman. A white person does not experience asexuality the same as people of other races—I can’t list them all here, but from what I’ve seen, every racial identity comes with stereotypes and prejudices that interact with asexuality differently. Someone’s religion might affect how they view their asexuality or how they’re viewed by their religious community, and someone’s asexuality might be brushed aside if they’re “too young,” “too old,” or have a disability. Personally, I am an able-bodied American white woman, so I can’t say a lot about this specifically, but please do your research on this aspect of their experience just like you would any other. It might not be what you’re expecting.

3. Don’t make asexuality their defining trait. Unless someone is an asexual activist (and these are valid characters!), and even if they are, they’ve probably got quite a few aspects of their life that have nothing to do with their orientation. An asexual doesn’t spend all day every day thinking about the fact that they don’t experience sexual attraction. It is, after all, the lack of an experience rather than the presence of one, and is therefore less likely to draw their attention at any given moment. Contrary to some people’s belief, asexuals don’t necessarily have “oodles of free time” since they don’t spend it thinking about sex—but they do have other things that interest them. They are full human beings, just as complex as anyone of any other orientation, and as a certain lesbian character from a TV show I’m fond of once said, “My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.”

4. Remember that there are many ways to “humanize” a character without giving them a love interest. This is one of those topics that isn’t exclusive to stories with asexual characters, but is still relevant to them. All too often, I’ve seen characters who seem cold, inhuman, or heartless made more “human” by falling in love, as if the ability to feel romantic and/or sexual attraction is what makes them “not a machine.” This idea goes back at least a century, to Arthur Conan Doyle stating that Sherlock Holmes was “as human as a Babbage’s calculating machine, and just as likely to fall in love.”

Let me make this very clear: a character is not inhuman because they don’t feel romantic or sexual love, and a character is not especially human simply because they do feel these things. Even if your character is not asexual, please don’t make the one thing that “humanizes” them be romantic/sexual attraction—and in the case of asexual characters, please don’t try to “humanize” them by giving them a romantic interest. Yes, asexuals can be romantic, aromantic, or anything in between, but romantic asexuals are no more human than aromantics. There are so many other ways to humanize someone: strong platonic attachment, caring for animals, passion for a social cause, love for the environment, and countless other possibilities. Obviously it’s completely okay for romantic or sexual attraction to be one of these things: but please don’t make it the only one.

5. Think about how they discovered their orientation. Even if your character has known they’re asexual for 50+ years, unless your story takes place in some great fictional society where non-straight orientations are openly welcomed and accepted as normal, how they figured out their asexuality is probably going to affect them—as well as when they figured it out. I discovered my own asexuality in my early teens, but I’ve seen people who didn’t discover the term until they were senior citizens, having felt alone and out of place their entire lives with no idea why. If they discovered it recently, especially after a long time of not understanding themself, they might still be figuring out exactly how they define their own identity.

6. Consider asexuality in the context of your character’s environment. Small-scale and large-scale. Where your character grows up and what environment they live in during the story makes a huge difference on how their asexuality is expressed, and this is true whether you’re writing historical fiction (where views of and experiences in asexuality are obviously very different) or whether you’re deciding if your character’s family is supportive. There’s an enormous spectrum of variation in this, so I won’t even try to go into the details, but keep in mind that whether your character is out, what sort of prejudice they face, and how they feel about their own orientation will all be greatly affected by the world they live in and the people they know.

7. Asexuality is not an illness—but that doesn’t mean life experiences can’t affect it. Remember the House episode I mentioned? For those that never saw it, the patient-of-the-day was an apparently ace woman, married to an apparently ace man, who goes to see Dr. House. House is convinced that no human could possibly be asexual, despite another character, Wilson, mentioning research validating the orientation. In the end, House discovers that the man has a brain tumor suppressing his sex drive and the woman has been faking her orientation to stay with her husband.

This is … extremely problematic for what I hope are obvious reasons. This led to a lot of families and friends of asexuals, who had previously been supportive, suddenly worrying that their loved ones had brain tumors. Obviously, if there is a genuine reason to suspect a medical issue (such as a sudden disappearance of sexual interest when it existed before), one should consult a doctor, but this episode presented only two cases of asexuality, one of which was “just an illness” and another of which was a lie. This led viewers to the same conclusion that House himself reached: that no healthy human being could possibly be asexual.

This is a very bad example of asexual representation, but it’s also worth mentioning that there are asexuals who view their asexuality as being affected by their life experiences, a specific diagnosis, or even a chronic illness, and as long as you do research beforehand into what sorts of experiences can contribute to someone’s identity, and don’t try to “cure” that character’s asexuality as part of your story, this is okay. Ideally, include more than one ace character as a way to make it clear to your readers that experiences differ, and that all roads to finding one’s identity are valid. Sexual orientation is unlikely to change and can never be “cured”—since it’s not an illness in itself—but that doesn’t mean the environment can’t affect it.

8. Exploration and questioning is okay. I also want to emphasize that it is completely okay to have a character that is questioning their sexuality, and either later decides that they are ace or decides that they are not ace. As long as asexuality is treated as a genuine orientation and not just a “symptom”—and again, ideally, more than one ace character is included at least briefly—a character realizing that asexuality isn’t the right identity for them, or only realizing such after exploring other identities, is fine. As mentioned above, the House episode did this very wrong, but as long as you are not “disproving” the asexuality of the only two ace characters in the show—especially when it’s disproved by a guy who believes asexuality is impossible/inhuman—and you are sensitive and respectful, I think this can be done without causing offense.

9. Remember that ace views of attraction can be different than non-ace views. Much of society (at least Western society) seems to lump all attraction into one form: sexual and romantic combined. As asexuality gained more visibility, the idea of romantic and sexual attraction existing independently became more popular. On top of this, other types of attraction got more recognition: for instance, strong platonic attraction (like a non-romantic crush), sensual attraction (the desire for non-sexual physical contact), and aesthetic attraction (the attraction to the physical appearance of a person or object, but no desire for interaction). Note that this isn’t an asexual-exclusive experience, and a story definitely doesn’t need ace characters to explore these topics: many non-aces do experience these varied types of attraction, but haven’t had as much context to recognize or explore them. Asexuality, in recognizing that there are human beings with no sexual attraction, helped open the door to these ideas, but they have always existed. And even though this doesn’t necessarily relate to ace characters, I think it will go a long way to helping asexual experiences of attraction be better accepted.

10. Asexuality is a spectrum, and it’s more than okay to write all along it! I’ve been referring to the most general idea of “asexuality” in this post—probably because I fall completely in that category—but asexuality isn’t as simple as that, and the line between “ace” and “non-ace” isn’t so cut and dry. “Grey-asexuals” are a big part of the ace community, and their experience is both similar to and different from people who just identify as “asexual.” There are also demi-sexuals, who feel sexually attracted only once a strong emotional connection has been formed—and yes, these people deal with a lot of the same issues as asexuals, though of course, many parts of their experience are also unique. Keep this spectrum in mind as you’re writing your characters, even if you do end up writing someone who just identifies as “asexual.” It’s important to remember that the spectrum exists, if only because it’s a reminder that all of us, ace, non-ace, or anywhere in between, are part of the same immensely diverse gradient, instead of simply black and white.

Original post on my website.

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering 

[walters-tampon-string]

Someone Cares

Fandom: Dangan Ronpa (DRV3) 

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Characters: Miu Iruma, K1-B0

Relationships: Miu Iruma/K1-B0 (but it’s so light you can read this as platonic and lose nothing in the story) 

Description: Miu doesn’t give a damn about birthdays. Really, she doesn’t...

Extra: Operates under an AU where things are normal and didn’t get fucked up. Also K1-B0 is non-binary in this story! Also happy birthday, Miu, I love you.

Miu knew she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with. She was loud, crass, perverted as hell, and could sometimes be meaner than she probably should be. And while she knew she could probably better herself in some aspects, she was also not ashamed of these facts at all, because in spite of everything, she was herself. She was Miu Iruma with all her cracks and dings, not some fake imitation of what people wanted her to be. Sure, on very rare days such as this, it could be lonely and sad, but at least she could march with pride knowing she didn’t have to lie her way into a friendship. That no one spent time with her for her performance.

Besides, birthdays objectively weren’t even that special. Who the fuck cares when someone was born? Why was that something that needed to be celebrated? Why should she have to give some fucker a gift just because he or she did the bare minimum in life and got born. Heck, in fact, she should be happy that she wasn’t getting attention. She should be a role model. Prove to people how useless birthdays really were, how ridiculous and silly and grandiose they could be!

She reminded herself of these facts as she continued her day. And to be fair, the day was pretty normal and standard. In fact, it wasn’t even all bad. Kaede and Shuichi had listened to her ideas for future projects, and while she could tell by their faces they were confused and maybe even disturbed with some of them, they at least seemed genuinely interested in some of them. She and Kokichi did their daily feuding in the hallways, and she actually felt like she got a few good quipbacks on the smug little bastard today, something she didn’t always leave those feuds feeling like. Gonta had been friendly and had given her a soda he had been gifted by a friend, saying he didn’t like to drink that stuff. It hadn’t been all bad. Who cares that no one seemed to know about her birthday. It wasn’t like she paraded it around or made it public? Besides, what was she doing expecting anything.

Birthdays were useless.

So why as she was leaving for home, did she still feel a sense of loneliness in her? Frustrated, she stamped her foot. You know what, she was going to make it an extra point not to celebrate her birthday. She was going to go home and work on a lab experiment and going to totally forget this day and treat it like every other one.

Trying to stay determined, she began to declaratively march home, when suddenly, she heard a voice say, “Hey Miu.” Pausing, she blinked before grinning and saying, “Hey, Kibo. What is up?”

She didn’t know when her friendship with Kibo started. She liked to think it was during Lunch period last year. One day, both Shuichi and Kaede were out and she had no one she was really comfortable to sit with by herself, so she had just decided to sit on the Reject table with all the other kids who were left without a reliable friend group. There she had met Kibo, sitting there timidly. She had recognized them from the Robotics Club, and their entries had always impressed her with how intricate and complicated they were. Nothing she couldn’t emulate of course, but hey, no one was perfect.

But she had never gotten to talk to the kid. They were one of the quiet kids, always keeping to himself and dutifully doing what he was told. Really, the only time she even remembered hearing them speak before that moment was during the Robotics Club Science Fair, when Kokichi was harassing them about something or another and Kibo was protesting and fruitlessly trying to explain their side to the deaf and apathetic ears of Kokichi. Besides that, though, it was radio silence and people mostly kept away from them. No one had a good opinion about him, no one had a bad opinion about him, Kibo was just someone who existed.

But Miu was going to glean just how interesting they were. They were a robot for crying out loud! They had to have at least an iota of coolness to them. Plus they made machines. She could relate to that!

Kibo was nice, in every single meaning of the word. They were polite and did their best not to offend and just in genuine were good-hearted. They flushed or sputtered whenever she cracked an offensive joke or made a sexual comment, and sometimes she wondered if she was a bad influence on them, as they started making more of those themself a little later on, but she ultimately decided that she was one of the better things to happen to them. After she got the ball rolling with them, they grew more confident and began to talk to more people. They didn’t have a crazy large friend group, but she saw them occasionally hanging out with Shuichi or Gonta every now and again.

The two of them had different lunch periods now, but occasionally she found herself hanging out after school with them to help out with one of their projects or to help them modify themselves, should one of their parts come loose. Sometimes, she just hung out to talk to them, because she genuinely found them friendly and nice. They didn’t judge her or get overly-disturbed by her like other people. Granted, they hadn’t fully assimilated with human social customs, but still it felt nice to just be herself without anyone really giving a damn.

And she was more than willing to hang out with them if it meant she could get her mind off of stupid birthdays.

Though Kibo caught her off-guard. Seeming to turn shy, they twiddled their fingers and said, “Uh… it’s your birthday right? I remember you telling me about it once when I asked so…”

Then before Miu could break off into a lecture about the uselessness of birthdays, they began rummaging through their backpack until they yanked out a stuffed animal. To be specific, a half-red, half-white bear that had a black scarf wrapped around its neck.

Still not looking her in the eye, they offered it to her and explained, “Sorry if it seems childish, but everyone in the store was commenting that he looked all weird because of his colors, but that kind of made me think that you would like it. I am sorry if you don’t though and I have the receipts and-”

Miu didn’t know why but she felt choked up. Deciding to hide it somewhat, she took a step forward and grabbed Kibo into a hug, causing him to stop their babbling immediately. Hoping they didn’t notice the slight wobble in her voice, she said, “Thank you, Kibo… this is really nice. I love him.”

Kibo nodded and she could tell they were proud of themselves. Once they pulled away and Miu trusted herself not to break down like a little kid, she gently took the bear out of his hands and hugged him to her, unable to tear her eyes away from it. It was really cute after all.

Kibo looked at it and said, “Got any names?”

Miu thought for a moment, before proudly declaring, “I think I will name our adopted son, Montaro, if you’re fine with that anyways.”

Kibo looked at her in shock and said, “Adopted son???”

“Yep! You helped with the adoption process so it’s only fair that you get to be involved in the parenting process,” Miu said with a giggle, snickering even more when Kibo started protesting about how illogical it was for them to be considered parents to a teddy bear.

Birthdays may be stupid and pointless and dumb… but Miu supposed she could tolerate the idea of the idea of celebrating one just this once.

[ravenrose-99]

Voltron knows what they are doing, please stay positive

Okay, I don’t normally write posts on here, I mostly just browse through and fangirl at as much Voltron shit as I can, but with season 7 being what it was and all the backlash people have been giving the vld cast and crew, I wanted to put my own thoughts out there hopefully to even out all the negativity with a few positive thoughts.

Okay, first off I want to discuss the main thing people have been blowing up about; Adam’s death and the supposed queer baiting.

First off, I think Adam’s death was in fact written for a solid reason. At first, I was like most people, thinking that it was really poor writing to just throw this brand new character away like that without any real development. But after really thinking it over, I began to realize why they might have written in his death, and no, it was not to kill him off just because he’s gay and the writers are homophobic. Honestly, think about it, If they really were wouldn’t it have been better to get there message across by just not making Shiro gay at all? Which we know was an option with that other recorded version where Shiro and Adam are just friends.

Anyway, let's look back at episode 1 during the talk between Adam and Shiro. We know this was supposed to be Adam warning Shiro that if he leaves they are finished as a couple. 

But actually, there is more to this scene then just that. It was foreshadowing to Adam’s fate.

He literally wasn’t there when Shiro returned to Earth.

This obviously makes Shiro feel extremely guilty and regretful. He lost his chance to live out a life with Adam due to choosing his career/dream over him. Yes this is depressing, but one of the main rules of writing is that everything is written for a reason, and so far the writers have done a beautiful job following this rule, so what possible reason could there be for killing off Adam?

Well, this is where we get into the queerbaiting. Yes, I will admit, I got a bit upset after seeing how much they really promoted Shiro and Adam, making us think they were a bigger deal then they turned out to be, but what if they still are a big deal. Sure they weren’t the LGBT+ rep we all hoped they would be, and we won’t be seeing them together in Season 8 unless it’s in a flashback, but keep in mind they still were two cannonly gay men in a popular tv show, and that in itself is still a step in the right direction, they are showing that homosexual relationships exist. 

Besides, what if they still aren't the only LGBT+ rep?

We know for a fact Ezor and Zethrid were cannonly gay, Bex apparently confirmed it. I personally don’t see an issue in that regard. I thought it was cool to see them together, especially thinking back to their somewhat comical interactions together in the past.

Anyway, we see that they aren’t afraid of making multiple gay couples in this show, and it’s suppose to be set in a time period where society is very accepting to different sexual preferences, so why not show these different sexual preferences. I think there is going to be more LGBT+ rep than just the ex generals and Adashi. 

Most of you probably know where I’m going with this.

Now I will admit, I am a hardcore Klance shipper, but I honestly think out of any LGBT+ relationship this show could go for, these two would be a perfect choice. Their relationship has grown so much from rivals to friends, and could easily go that step further into something romantic. Now some say Season 7 was the death of Klance, and my pessimistic side agreed for a while, but if you really think back, we got some serious moments with these two. Honestly, if it weren’t for the Allurance blush scene, I would say these two were official without a second thought.

First we had this look from Lance when Keith said he was going to try and save Axca.

Lance looks genuinely worried for Keith. His view of him has changed so drastically from the beginning of the show.

He’s no longer trying to compete with him, he’s actually praising him.

I honestly think this scene is more than just something goofy they added in for the comedic affect of Keith’s reaction.

Again, everything is written for a reason. In this scene not only is Lance praising Keith as their leader but he’s literally saying Keith is the future. What if this is foreshadowing Keith being Lance’s future? Lance’s choice for his future. We all know he could have easily chosen Allura and they could have made it really romantic, but no, he chose Keith. He didn’t want Keith to be stuck there for eternity. He trusted Keith to lead the coalition and end the war. 

Plus Keith looks more than a little annoyed at Bob. Almost like he just wants him to get off his back about it. I mean really look at them, out of all the paladins Keith is the only one that looks really upset during this part of the show. 

Not to mention that he was the only one that didn’t have to think before writing down his answer. 

I’ve thought for a while that Keith has a crush on Lance, but just refuses to do anything about it because either he doesn’t think Lance would accept his feelings, or (more likely), he’s more concerned with the war and leading Voltron. The Blade hammered into his head that the mission comes above all else, It wasn’t until his mother showed up that he started to hear a different perspective.

Okay, now that we’re on the subject of Keith, lets start to bring this whole thing full circle. 

Shiro and Keith are obviously really close, they have been for years. They trust each other, and care very deeply for each other. 

Keith knew about Adam and Shiro. He knew how close they were and how Shiro chose the mission over their relationship.

Keith must know how awful Shiro feels now that he can never be with Adam again. He chose the mission above the person he loved. Shiro is going through the stages of grief, which we will probably see next season. He wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through his pain and regret, especially someone like Keith, who has again been told to put the mission is above all else. 

Thankfully, his mother taught him a lot during their two years together,

But obviously Keith still has traces of his old self, which we see especially during episode 6.

The loner.

The hothead.

Keith isn’t perfect. Yes he has learned a lot, and grown as a leader and a paladin, but Keith is still Keith. It’s entirely possibly that he would try to choose the mission over someone dear to him, just like Shiro, who would also be the first person to try and stop him. 

Lets also not forget this drawing:

It’s a fact that Lance likes girls, specifically Allura. And the scene of them blushing at each other has put a lot of people on edge. Even some Allurance shippers as well, thinking that moment seemed to have come out of no where.

Now I can totally get behind Allura wanting Lance to be safe and telling him that before leaving, because it parallels this:

But it’s the blush that makes the moment seem forced. Allura hasn’t shown any romantic interest toward Lance at all. Most of them have been platonic, and even when she found out about Lance’s feelings, she didn’t look even remotely happy about it.

Now this might have have been somewhat forced for a reason. This makes it possible to address their potential relationship right off the bat next season. It will show if they really do fit together romantically or not. Allura might even brush Lance off a few times, being too busy for him, which could hurt Lance, having it be the second time she would have done this. The first time when she was with Lotor. 

This could potentially be the start of Lance’s sexuality arc, and Shiro will be there for him if the show really is sticking to the picture. 

Lost post short, this is why I think Adam was killed off. Not because he was gay, but because it was needed for this part of the story to unfold properly. Shiro is full of guilt and regret now. He lost Adam and can never get him back. He wouldn’t want anyone to make the same mistakes he did. 

[archivingspn]

“Fandom At The Crossroads: Celebration, Shame and Fan/Producer Relationships” By Katherine Larsen and Lynn S. Zubernis

(217-222 pg) Of course, the people most often starring in fanfiction, both in character form and “real person” fiction, are Jared and Jensen. Fans spend a significant amount of time worrying about what the actors think of this particular fannish practice, as we’ve seen. Padalecki was surprised by how many fans liked to think about him and his costar together in a more than friendship way, but more amused than scandalized.

Padalecki: I was not expecting that. It’s so abundantly clear that we are not homosexual, that there’s anything wrong with those who are, but it’s so strange to me. … Platonically, I know they enjoy that we are great friends, because we ARE great friends, and that comes across, and that I can understand. I think you can tell when someone’s having fun on camera. That’s why Oceans 11 did so well, because it just looked like they were having such a fun time. They’re goofing around and it’s fun to watch and see people really laughing and having a good time. The other part, I don’t really understand so I have no theory other than, I don’t know, maybe boredom?

What about the analogous stereotype that guys find the idea of two good looking women together hot?

Padalecki: Sure, oh sure. I see. I can see that, but I think the reason it’s so funny is that it’s so far from reality. I’m just like what? But sure, you know, of course, yeah – to me it might be bizarre, but whatever floats their boat. I’m glad y’all asked me about that, because it’s one thing I don’t really understand, and not having any experience with the human mind, or the ins and outs, it’s bizarre, it’s one of the things you go “alright…”. I guess I will choose to take it as flattery.

It seems to be just that. After all, a significant number of SPN fans are bisexual or lesbian women, and they refer to Jared and Jensen as their 5% exception, which is a certainly a compliment.

Padalecki: I’ll take it (grinning). It makes a lot of sense if there are a lot of bisexual or gay or lesbian fans that they would sort of turn it into their world.

There followed a discussion of the difference between believing something is factual versus a nice fantasy, which is how most fans enjoy their version of J-Squared – a distinction that Padalecki understood completely. For example, the fans loved that Jared and Jensen were, at the time, living together.

Padalecki: (laughing) I guess I figured they would. And it’s great, we’re pretty similar guys. After a long day it’s like hey man, you want to go like grab a beer, or go to sleep? He’s a good buddy. When times are hard for me, or I’ve got something I’m going through, it’s nice to be like hey man, can I just rattle with you for a little bit, rap about some stuff, and he’s like sure, and vice versa.

Ackles was also amused and slightly mystified about why some fans love to imagine him and Jared as a couple. Like Padalecki, he recognized the “subtext” present in their real life friendship, and talked about the genuine affection the two have for each other.

Ackles: (laughing) It’s strange, because you know, being who I am and being who he is, it’s like, it’s just hard to kinda wrap our minds around. I mean, I’ve had, I need two hands to count the number of roommates I’ve had. Guys I’ve spent a lot of time with, like my best friends. I may not work with them, but we’re together at home and we’ll go out together, all the time and share each other’s problems. It’s affection, it’s a friendship that, for Jared and I – God, it’s a good friendship. I think with Jared and I, we knew right away it wasn’t going to work if we didn’t get along. The first season, I forget what episode it was, but we got heated on set and got in each other’s face and I mean, we went toe to toe. There were no fists thrown or anything like that, and he ended up taking a walk down the street and cooler heads prevailed, and when we got back to our trailers, I knocked on his door and sat down and I was like listen man, that can never happen again because if that’s the road we choose to go down, we are going to be living a different life. And it wasn’t just me, he was like actually on the same wavelength, like I’m glad you came by, I need to get this off my chest, we need to come together if we are going to make this show work, because we’re gonna be spending way too much time together to not have a friendship. And that’s the last fight we’ve ever had. We’ve got each other’s backs and I support him in the decisions he makes and will give him advice when he needs it, and he does the same for me. He went through a rocky thing this summer with his fiancee, and I was there for him for that. It almost turns into art imitating life, or life imitating art, we play brothers on screen but we’re kinda brothers off screen as well. It’s a brotherly love that he and I have.

Ackles too is well aware that fans can distinguish between fanfiction and reality, and don’t necessarily believe the costars share a sexual kind of love as well as a brotherly one. Like Kripke, he understands the existence of Wincest as a consequence of the passionate investment fans have in Sam and Dean’s relationship, and extends that to fans’ investment in the relationship he has with Jared in real life.

Ackles: I know they don’t (think it’s real) – it’s a hot fantasy. But I think, and you can probably help me out with this, that it might stem from their love of the two characters and how much they have invested in Sam and Dean, and there are really no other characters that they want coming into that realm. I think it’s their love for these two characters, they don’t want anyone to interfere. They want it to be just the two of them, all the time, and I think that’s where it stems from. I don’t think they really think we’re gay. So I really think it’s just the fact they are left with no other option when thinking of these two characters, and of course these guys are together. Though I wish that two guys can just be heterosexual males and still have a brotherly love. But that’s why it’s called fiction!

We asked Misha Collins about the other popular slash pairing in the fandom – the first Dean/Cas slash community was created 42 minutes after the character appeared.

Collins: (deadpans) Why do you think it took so long? Maybe the servers were down or something.

Collins is fine with the homoerotic vibe of parts of the fandom.

Collins: I certainly try not to be too homophobic in my real life and this is fiction on top of that, so it’s one degree further removed, so it’s easier.

Like the other actors who negotiate the boundaries between fiction and real life on a daily basis, Collins had no trouble understanding fan fiction as fiction. He would, however, like to turn the tables and incorporate fans, as he and his fellow actors have been incorporated.

Collins: I’ve been thinking about writing a story of my own about Dean and the fans and then I could post it out in the community.

(225-226pg)

Padalecki: I think the big thing that has drawn fans to the world of Supernatural is that each has turned it into their world. It’s no longer about guys on the road or hunting demons, it’s connected to some part of them that they might not even know exists. They’re like oh, it’s kinda like this! That’s one of the great things about mythology - the point is to reflect some part of your own life. So you start going Oh, Luke Skywalker kind of doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be, he’s kind of struggling, kind of like me, I’m having my own struggles.

The reading and writing of fanfiction as therapeutic resonated with Jared.

Padalecki: That makes plenty of sense. There’s no other logical reason. I don’t think any movie or show is that good to be so committed to it unless it’s sparked something in you.

In fact, Padalecki identifies the same desire for some healthy escape on the part of cast and crew as within the fandom watching and participating in the Show. That’s why so much laughing goes on between takes on the SPN set.

Padalecki: It’s almost like the same escapism that our fans are enjoying when they are watching, we are enjoying when we are filming. So it’s nice for them to call action and you just lose yourself for a minute.

[source]

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Bangel or Stelena——and why?!

Wow, you really do hate me, don’t you anon? hahaha. 

My first instinct upon seeing this question is to say Stelena purely because they’ve been my OTP the longest, but in my heart it’s definitely Bangel, which might surprise some of my followers.

Honestly, there are quite a lot of reasons why I’ve chose Bangel so I feel like it’s easier to bullet point each one. This is probably the most you’ll ever see me bash Stefan and Elena, so get ready for it. 

Bangel’s relationship is better written: Buffy and Angel’s relationship was written so much better than Stefan and Elena’s. Us Stelena shippers do our best to work with the stuff we were given post-season 4 but if we’re being honest with ourselves 98% of it was utter crap. I’ve spoken before about the similarities between the Buffy/Angel, but the main the difference between the two is that unlike Plec and co., Whedon and co. did not shit all over Bangel and pretend their love never existed or that it was inferior to Buffy’s new relationship(s). When Buffy was with Spike there was never any doubt cast upon her love for Angel. She still loved Angel with every piece of her heart and soul and whenever she was with him that was clear for everyone to see. On the other hand, on TVD we were expected to believe that Elena’s feelings for Stefan were completely platonic and it was as though everything about their romantic relationship was either erased, invalidated or belittled. 

Bangel’s story is more compelling: This is very similar to the first one, but personally I find Buffy and Angel’s story so much better and generally more well-rounded than Stefan and Elena’s. Buffy and Angel really had that tragic, star-crossed lovers trope down to a T and it was executed so well. You could really feel how much they loved each other and despite being enemies by nature - a vampire and a slayer - you just knew they were soulmates and that if they’d met as two humans they would’ve been together for life. But because of who they were as people and the fact that they were natural heroes that wanted to do good, they couldn’t be together because they had to put the people they dedicated themselves to protect first. It’s just so beautiful that two people love and respect each other and themselves so much that they’d rather separate and be unhappy without each other in order to save others and keep each other safe. As for having a more rounded story, unlike Stefan and Elena, Buffy and Angel remained canon until the end. Like I said, Stelena shippers work with what we were given and although Stefan and Elena had a better ending than we expected, the fact remains that what was written was intended to be platonic not romantic. Elena married Stefan’s brother and stayed with him for the rest of her life and there’s no getting away from that as much as we try. But with Buffy and Angel, even though they didn’t necessarily have any official final scenes together like Stefan and Elena, it was still acknowledged that they were in love and had a possible romantic future together. At the end of BTVS there was the whole cookie dough conversation and near the end of ATS Angel was clearly still in love with Buffy and specifically said, “Ours is a forever love.” I appreciate and love so much that Whedon never let the importance and profoundness of their love fade, because when you’ve loved someone the way Buffy and Angel did it never goes away, no matter how many years pass or how many other people you fall in love with. There are certain loves that stay with you for life and that you always feel a pull to and I feel that Stefan and Elena should’ve been one of those loves just like Buffy and Angel, but the writers just didn’t deliver it. 

Sarah and David’s chemistry is unbeatable: Anyone that has been following me for a while will know that I love Nina and Paul’s chemistry and I’ve spoken about it countless times, but for me nothing compares to Sarah and David’s chemistry. Like honestly you can watch any Buffy/Angel scene and feel the emotions and chemistry pouring out of the screen. It’s just so believable that there’s almost a disassociation between Buffy/Angel and Sarah/David. I genuinely forget they’re just acting and that in real life they’re in relationships with other people and not actually in love. And to say that they had two sex scenes through the entirety of BTVS and ATS, the sexual chemistry was insane. It’s a real talent to be able to portray that kind of physical/sexual attraction and desire purely through looks, touches and kisses without a full sex scene. 

Bangel genuinely were the love of each other’s life: I’ve always described Stefan and Elena as being the love of each other’s lives, but in saying that I’m just ignoring canon and her relationship with Damon. Regardless of my personal opinions and preferences, there’s no denying that Elena loved Damon (she married him and spent the rest of her life with him, after all), but I think for Buffy and Angel they truly were the love of each other’s lives or “the one”. They loved others after they broke up but deep down their hearts always belonged to each other and I think that if circumstances allowed them to be together they would have been together in the blink of an eye, over anyone and everyone else. 

Bangel’s love was more profound and eternal: Similar to the above one, I think that Buffy and Angel loved each other more than Stefan and Elena did. They made more sacrifices to be together/to save each other and more importantly, they didn’t choose anyone else over each other. Like I said, they had relationships after they broke up because they couldn’t be together but it wasn’t the same as Elena choosing to be with Damon over Stefan. Elena made a choice that she was in love with Damon and that she loved him more than Stefan but Buffy and Angel never did that. They chose others over each other when it came to innocent lives and their family/friends, but not romantically. I think that Elena and Stefan fell out of love but that Buffy and Angel remained constantly in love, even when they were separated or with other people. And that’s because unlike Stefan and Elena, they never broke up because they wanted to or because they’d stopped loving each other, it was because they had to. I just perceive Buffy and Angel’s love to be more transcendent and solid than Stefan and Elena’s in that it never weakened or turned into platonic love. 

Bangel are the original epic human/vampire relationship: There’s a reason Bangel and Stelena are so similar - Stelena are based on Bangel. The general similarities between BTVS and TVD aren’t hard to spot, but there’s an interview where Plec actually admits she used BTVS as a template for TVD (x). And I feel like you can tell she did this, because Stefan/Elena are essentially a poorer version of Buffy/Angel (you can read more about the TVD/BTVS comparisons in a meta I wrote on my old sideblog here). Just like Buffy/Angel, Stefan/Elena were written as being this epic everlasting love between vampire and human in the first seasons, but it was completely discarded in the later seasons and for that reason they can’t really compare to Buffy and Angel. And as a general rule the original of anything is usually better. 

Bangel are timeless: This is kind of connected to them being the original epic human/vampire relationship, but Buffy and Angel are one of those TV couples that go down in history. I knew Angel was Buffy’s true love before I’d even watched a single episode of BTVS, and I’d imagine it’s the same for most people - even if you’ve never watched BTVS you’ve still heard of Buffy and Angel. There’s just an inexplicable epicness to their love story that no one can condone or dispute, even those that don’t personally ship it.

I think when it comes down to it my preference to Bangel over Stelena really is a lot to do with the quality of writing. I think Stefan and Elena had the potential to be every bit as amazing as Buffy and Angel, but they were screwed over by having writers that didn’t appreciate the beauty and potential of their relationship. 

Thanks for asking anon, I’m sure this response may have taken some people by surprise and I’d be interested to know who you’d choose and why!

[carousels-on-fire]

Me: “Why do I like this male friend so much, I’ve been down the sexuality questioning road enough, it’s not that. I’m certain I don’t want to sleep with him. What is happening.” The not stupid part of my brain: “FRIENDSHIP. FUCKING. WANTING TO BE FRIENDS FOR FUCKSSAKE. PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP IS A THING.” Me: “Ooooh right. Platonic friendship, I forgot.”  Like I genuinely forgot what it was like to just enjoy someone’s presence and personality who isn’t one of my main 5 friends, and handful of internet friends who I love and adore. My 5 main are basically family, I would die for them. But most of my other irl friends, guy friends in particular, they’re nice enough people , but I’m reluctant to get close to any of them because attempting platonic friendship with straight dudes is a minefield of expectations and uncomfortableness that I do not like dealing with. I always feel like I’m either leading them on or they expect that I’ll suddenly switch my orientation because I’m being nice to them. It’s sometimes easier if they’re spoken for, but then I’m worried their lady will see me as some sort of threat even though I’m pretty out about being not straight. With my gay male friends I’m constantly worried that they don’t actually like me.  I always forget sometimes to keep distance with people. Usually my social anxiety keeps me from attempting real human connection with anyone. But every once in awhile I’ll have a burst of courage and forget myself and end up being friendly to a random dude only to have it backfire horribly and now I have this person that I have to gently let down because for some reason niceness=wants to bang to them. X__X I am a generally, (or at least I’m trying to be,) nice person wrapped up in a shell of anxiety who desperately wants to connect with people, but never manages to make that connection with the people I want and sometimes it goes very very wrong.  It’s a strange kind of social isolation where I’m afraid to befriend women because I kind of assume they hate me or are judging me; a leftover from high school. Or I’m attracted to them and I feel bad about it so I’m trying to minimize my making them feel uncomfortable via not interacting with them at all. But befriending men is dangerous because they might get the wrong idea/be one of those friend zone dudes. I have a slightly easier time with trans friends and nb friends because there aren’t a lifetime of social constructs around befriending them.  One thing that was always frustrating to me growing up was having male friends who were into all the same things I was, but eventually there’d be this point where I became the girl in the group even though I’d always perceived myself as being no different than them. I’ve always been in this inbetween place where it’s nearly impossible to relate to people because they’re so wrapped up in perceptions of relationships, and gender expectations. But then I’m not really sure if it’s how other people perceive things, or if I’ve just become hypersensitive to it.  It’s always felt like a constant battle defending myself and my sexuality from people that are constantly asking if my friendships or my band member obsessions mean I secretly am not the sexuality I say I am. I just want to exist and not have to guard myself at every step. i’m tired of being uncomfortable about literally everything.

[giogio-golden]

for the letter ask meme: F O R M V O L T R O N ~sleepyhunk

gdshhashd @sleepyhunk this made me smile so much thank thank thank

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

I think I’ve stuck with pokemon the longest. I’ve been in love with it since I was 8 years old and pretended to be squirtle in my neighbors’ mock pokemon battles.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Ok so I hit shuffle on my playlist and the song Blame by Bastille came on. Of course my brain immediately went to Shiro and his time while imprisoned by the galra. The lyrics give this vibe of being constantly taunted but trying to hold on and not lose yourself. Give the song a listen or look up the lyrics and you’ll know what I mean.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

This fandom is severely lacking in platonic relationships but I always loved Lance and Allura being best friends. I headcanon them both as bi/pan (I see Lance either way) and imagine they’d bond over admiring the beauty in the world. They’d have a good time trying on clothes and gossiping and doing all sorts of things together. I also think they also both share some insecurities that they could figure out together

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Only one….? I really can’t pick just one….all of them? Can I be friends with all of them? (I’d probably get along best with Lance or Pidge tbh)

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Okay fun story I’ve actually really struggled to figure this out??? I picked Pidge initially because they gave off that “me” sort of vibe, just wanting to do their own thing, being kinda sassy but also shy and visibly scared about the whole situation. But then I started relating to the fandom’s characterization of Lance hiding a lot of self-doubt behind an unconditional loving personality. My friend once said I was like the Hunk of the friend group, always worrying and trying hard to be my best. I think it all depends on perspective really. I always say that if Hunk and Pidge ever had a child it would be me, a nerdy, nervous ball of sunshine.

(Already did O)

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. 

I will say that there’s no character that isn’t my favorite at some point. I’m more enthusiastic about certain characters at certain times but I’ve never really disliked a character. I wanna give more love to Coran though, I feel like I sometimes forget he exists. He’s a great friend to Allura and seems like a genuinely caring person.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Hmmmm. I haven’t really thought hard about headcanons besides sexuality, since other people always come up with much more amazing things. And even then, I’m pretty open to anything so there’s nothing obvious that I would die for. I think the one I am most quick to defend is the fact that Pidge is trans. There are many different depictions of this, with Pidge varying from a trans girl to agender to genderfluid and many others. I love them all so much and have become so adamant to have some representation for us trans pals that I can’t accept a cisgender Pidge. (I also headcanon all the paladins as college age but I’m not getting into the discourse of that)

(Already did R)

(Already did O)

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom 

First, more platonic klance please. I love klance as much as the next fan but make room for them being friends and supporting each other. 

Second, Lance is usually seen as bi/pan but is never shown dating a girl unless it’s Allura. That just kinda bugs me as someone who identifies as pan and is afraid to be “too straight.” Although I myself don’t ship allur@nce I’d like to see more interpretations of Lance being with people who aren’t male.

Third, I love the whole idea of the paladins having a polyamorous relationship together. It’s a big solution to the whole “shipping war” thing and I think polyamory is greatly under-represented. This includes platonic OT3s, because I see more nsfw of polydins than anything else and it really bugs me. With the potential diversity of a poly relationship you could create a really cool dynamic.

send me a letter

[this-is-my-decline]

Red Dragon con 3 recap part 4

PART 1 - 2 - 3 

Hugh and Bryan Q&A panel summary (part 2)

Now with Hugh AND Bryan! Hugh sure looked relieved when he arrived, he thought we were holding back asking questions (what, he didn’t feel he was getting difficult enough questions? ;P)...anyway, as you surely already have heard, Bryan pretty much arrived at the panel announcing how the answer to who is the bottom and who is the top is: “THEY FLIP!”

 THE. BEST. ENTRANCE. EVER!!!

Hugh of course was flustered because: "here I was dealing with ambiguity for an hour, and then Bryan comes and says this...! Well, when I say platonic, I mean...flip.” (nice save, Hugh :’D)

-Immediately after that, Bryan got a question about Will’s role in SOTL, and how people have been worrying he wouldn’t have a role in it, in which Bryan answered something like “I think you’re reading between the lines. I don’t think we should ever lose Will Graham”. Hugh is his crutch, and they wrote the final scene of TWOTL together. They will never Abigail him. The thing is, that two studios own the rights, and well, different studios don’t mix well together..

-What did Will do after the asking Bedelia the love question: H: “I would say he compartmentalized it, but Bryan would joke that there was furious masturbation going on between them”. B: “Is there any other kind of masturbation?”

-About American Gods: Neil Gaiman is very involved in the show, and he gives feedback on everything. There was some discussion with Neil how the book was a bit of sausage party, so they needed more female energy. People didn’t realize how much misogyny there is still in the US (the audience applauded for this! H: “This is an anti-misogyny applause right?”). There is a theme of “what will men do to bring down a woman of power” in the show, and it felt especially relevant after the elections.

-Why does Bryan use bees so much in his shows? “Bees are magical. They are the very essence of life on this planet. Bees are a fantastic symbol of life, and the sweetness of life”.

-About choosing between Bedelia and Abigail to go with Hannibal on S3: Either Bedelia or Abigail would have to go. “The most hurtful thing Hannibal could’ve done to Will was to kill Abigail in front of him, that was his motivator”. If Abigail had survived, it would’ve been interesting to see a different version of what was happening with Abigail and Will, and Abigail would’ve been kind of like a Jiminy Cricket sort of character, but it wouldn’t had lasted long.

-Bryan recommends Clive Barkers books!

-Matthew Brown was like a freshman trying to impress the cool senior student Will, there was nothing sexual there, he just thought Will was this badass serial killer. “Please like me please like please like me”, Hugh about Matthew.

-About which superpower Hannibal characters would have: Will’s is empathy, Mason could transform into a pig (a fan: he already is one! Hugh: that’s why it’d be quick!”), Hannibal would have super digestion (Hugh also suggests he can turn people into worst versions of themselves), Alana’s super strength to slap the shit out of everyone.

-Bryan confirmed the person handling the NBC Hannibal social media accounts is the same person now handling the American Gods accounts! Hugh mentioned how he knows nothing about social media, but the guy is so good at his job!

-Which character would you date? B: “They’re all so damaged...different kind of messed up, but Chilton”(hey YOU wrote them Bryan!). Also Preller! . H: “Margot, that’d be interesting, for lots of reasons”

Bryan mentioned how excited Hugh was for the con where the fans are so enthusiastic and full of creativity, and they were both genuinely grateful to be at the con!

-Hugh also tried speaking some French (something about a bottle of wine?), says he’s speaking it increasingly badly but I heard people comment it was perfect. His brother & sister now actually live in France, so his family is becoming bilingual while he’s forgetting stuff.

-A fan also showed them her Hannibal nail art, and they both were really impressed. -B: “They’re fantastic! Beautiful!”, “The art of the community never ceases to amaze me!”

A question about Hugh’s advice for Will “don’t be so moody”. Then he talked about his first acting job: his dad called and said he has a “very particular walk”. “I walk like Will?” "I’m nothing like Will, sorry!” (of course he apologizes for that)

Hugh: “The show doesn’t exist without Will’s empathy. It’s always rising up and dragging him down. When he thinks he gets to a place of purity, the damn empathy comes along.” He could imagine a state where Will’s been “bleached” of his empathy by Hannibal (by an experience they had together or something else that happened on the beach), but that state wouldn’t last for very long. 

“Would Hannibal have to fight to get Will completely on his side?” H:“Yes, I think Hannibal is always going to have to fight for him”

And lastly a fan asks what would happen if Hannibal and Will went on a bro holiday and Bryan is like that’s “plot fodder for S4″ :’D

[chatoyee]

i’ve never been entirely sure whether you’re aware that i write these at all. but i write them regardless. i think that’s why lara jean’s character resonated with me so much. i almost cried, weeping for the childhood that i should have had like any other child who could see themselves on the tv screen. reassurance that yes, i do exist. yes, i am beautiful. yes, i am me, and i am so glad i am myself. and yes, i have an odd penchant for writing letters that will never be sent. cathartic, it is.

do you ever dream of me?

i’ve dreamt of you so often recently. perhaps it’s because i miss your touch, but i can’t help what happens in my dreams. i’ve had nightmares aplenty too, ones where i shoot up in cold sweat and a fear that strikes my heart, leaving it pounding to find that i’m actually okay.

it’s funny. aren’t i supposed to be more outgoing, nowadays? more outspoken? even though the likelihood of anyone i know ever reading this is probably extremely slim, i still deleted a whole paragraph. it’s a secret i still don’t want to share to the world. the world doesn’t deserve to know. society is still cruel when it comes to these things and i think i’ve still a fragile soul.

but i’m so tired of bearing the burden alone. I’ve told three people altogether. one of them broke my trust and i’ve had such a difficult task in opening up to others about it since then. he was the one i trusted with my life. he shattered every belief i held within him. i loved him so i told him.

the last time i had that kind of nightmare was last week. i’ve been stressed out since then. waves of depression starting to draw in again. i know this because it physically manifested.

i almost missed my period this month. no sexual activity in a long time, and no pill; mere abstinence. i can’t bear to do anything nowadays. i think i miss you too much to try anything with anyone else.

i thought i was getting over you. it felt like a wash of cool sea foam over my body, only for me to realise that it was just you drawing me back in. slowly. softly. just like your gentle fingers on my skin. my mind is always wandering back to the times we just laid in my bed, not really doing much but simply laying there. isn’t there beauty in simplicity? a sense of peace?

lara jean is smart. she’s also a beautiful young asian woman. steel-headed. open-hearted. cute. everything i’d ever wanted to be when i was younger. beautiful handwriting. the lettering on the envelope addressed to peter is what i’ve always wanted to achieve.

i’ve written love letters for as long as i can remember. would you call it fourth grade? i couldn’t have been any older than 8, but i wrote my first letter at that age, addressed to the most charming boy in the oldest year group: bradley wheeler. i was the most timid pig-tail-wearing asian girl in the entire school; how i was ever supposed to get his attention i can’t even fathom. he ended up ripping the letter up in front of me, and then was made to clear it up since it was on the school field on a hot summers day, probably sometime in june or july, from what i can remember. i made my crush angry that day.

josh hardacre, the second boy i admired from afar from my new school. i think i knew i had no chance by that point. i was dorky, and my pig tails were infamous by that time. i’d switched schools, as my family had finally been earning enough money to move out of our council house. this crush was different — it wasn’t like the crush i had on the popular boy, kyle. everyone liked him. josh was cool in a better way. i never even told him once all the way up until when i left for secondary school. i took my hair out on the last day, hoping to attract his attention, though. it never worked.

i didn’t really like anyone during secondary school. though i guess it was the time where i got confused as to who i was, and the self-loathing kicked in. depression sunk itself into my neck at the age of 13, and i hated every aspect of being asian, and confused about girls. it probably wasn’t the reason why, but being at an all-girls school allowed me avenues to discover, i suppose. love letters to azura. love letters from azura. i bought her a notebook for her birthday, early february. i knew she loved to write. her words meant everything to me. reading them felt like chocolate melting in my grasp; i wanted to lather myself in it. i think i loved her.

p. let’s call him that. i really did love him too. with all of my heart. from my side, i think that love began withering away the more he exposed his controlling side. being my very first relationship, i had no gauge. i thought everything he was showing me was normal. this was how relationships were supposed to be, right? first break up wasn’t too difficult. yes, i cried but i was beginning to realise he was no good. university is regarded as the first steps of adulthood. i had a third parent clinging onto me. he was making arguments out of nothing. a casual conversation about my interaction with a male cashier ended up in an argument about whether the guy liked me or not. to this day, i’m still bemused. people can interact without everything being flirtatious. was it just his insecurity? i knew i deserved better.

my mistake. 3.5 years later, the second and final break up. why i took him back after he told me he violated my trust and privacy, i’m still puzzled at my own actions. stockholm syndrome? being afraid that i’d end up alone? probably. i‘ll never forget the letters we wrote to each other though. those were from the heart. we did love each other. he loved me in ways that were no good. though i remember the way he held me as i fell asleep in his arms one day, in my room. i’d never felt so safe. and every time he looked at me, it was like he saw sunshine.

g. a letter of confession, leading to an unrequited love. i’m still reeling as to how it ended up this way. he turned away after he realised i was going away for a year, i assume. i remember his guarded expression as i asked for his advice on what to do for my year abroad. that contrasted so much with the gentle face he gave me as we sat opposite each other in the library cafe the next month, the academic year coming to a close. he knew he was losing me. i sat there eating blueberries while he sipped on his coffee. soy milk, because he’s obviously vegan. we flicked minuscule paper balls at each other while we talked, before i picked them from his burgundy-toned jumper. he looked smart that day, since he was teaching as a temporary job at a school nearby for their after school club. “kids like debating,” he noted. he was on the debate team. i’m a sucker for eccentricity. the smile he gave me was the most genuine i can remember. his gaze was different. just like the way he opened up to me that one night, unexpectedly.

you. i still don’t know what to make of you. i’ve written you a letter. an actual one. one you can hold in your hand, not just these stupid posts, on this stupid blog. i don’t think i’ll ever get a chance to give it to you, right? the more i think about it, the more i realise how impossible it all seems. the possibility of us. i miss you with every heartstring, and every aching limb. i’m sorry for putting us in this situation. if i hadn’t drunkenly said anything that january night, would you have fallen like this? would things hurt this badly? i pulsate with every thought of you.

did the other girls care about you the way i still do? did you think of me while you were with them? did they move your body the way we moved together, in such harmony and intensity? i still remember the way the heat felt on my cheeks whenever i was underneath you, and how each and every one of your kisses tasted in such pleasure. it all felt so good. to be able to taste such sweetness was so refreshing. to feel loved with every movement was a sense of euphoria that left me shivering.

i believe that once you start loving someone, you never really stop. it’s just the intensity of the love that slowly starts to fade after each passing moment; awake or asleep. and the love transforms into something much more sustainable — a feeling of platonic care. empathy. and joy in them finding happiness.

i don’t regret anything. everything seems to be a stepping stone. they all led me to you. and with each and every letter i’ve written, i am glad to have done so. because there is nothing stronger than a woman who is unafraid to show the world how she loves, and whom she loves.