#like at least mark had like 5 movies to rationalize his place there

[monboyfs-seesaw]

Saw franchise becomes both funnier and more insanity inducing when you acknowledge how ridiculous some decisions made are with the context of "we had to start making new shit up because we're on movie 7 now"

[365days365movies]

May 6, 2021: The Martian (2015) (Recap: Part One)

We’re leaving lo-fi sci-fi, people. Kind of.

I mentioned before that films like Her are what I define as ���lo-fi sci-fi”, which is a category that I’ve kind of made up. Basically, it’s the science fiction version of low fantasy, meaning it contains science fiction themes contained within an otherwise contemporary setting. In the case of Her, Joaquin Phoenix’s character, along with many others, live in a world and setting basically like ours, but with technology advanced enough to generate AIs (like Siri) that are intelligent enough to actually ascend our reality. Because we live in a society.

You give me Joaquin Phoenix, I’m gonna make a Joker reference; it’s in the contract of my existence. Anyway, that is admittedly kind of broad, right? I mean, that has the capability of crossing over with a BUNCH of sci-fi genres and themes. And, considering that we’ve already seen magic, speculative technology, time travel, monsters, and artificial intelligence, we’ve already touched on quite a bit.

And with science fiction, the sky’s the limit. Literally. So, I think it behooves us to re-examine lo-fi sci-fi a little bit. Specifically, we should note that it can also be defined as an extension of currently existing technologies and possibilities. Writers would call this “speculative sci-fi”, assuming in this case that it’s set within the present or a near and attainable future. Her definitely fits in this category, as does Westworld. But, let’s crossover to another genre by speculating upon another possibility. And it begins with this man. Probably.

Hey, Elon, what’s up? Now, Mr. Musk here is a...controversial figure, for COMPLETELY understandable reasons. Instead of touch upon the man himself, I feel like touching upon one of his recent focuses: space travel. With SpaceX and the various upcoming space trips and journeys that they’re planning, Musk has made it clear that he plans to shoot to the Moon. Again, literally.

In fact, this full plan is to go even further than that, and to fuel potential commercial space flights in the future, which is admittedly very cool. And of course, if you’re going to shoot for the Moon...

Guys...guys, that’s Mars. THAT’S FUCKING MARS

Is that not amazing? We have sound and pictures from FUCKING MARS! THAT’S A DIFFERENT PLANET, GODDAMN IT! It’s cooler than I have the ability to properly express, but it IS goddamn cool. And this means that, easily within my lifetime, we could (and likely will) land on Mars. Which is amazing. God, I really want to see that happen.

And so, landing on Mars is BARELY science fiction, but since we haven’t yet done so...yeah, it’s fictional at the moment. And so, any film about landing on Mars falls within this category. Well...to an extent.

2000′s Mission to Mars, for example, was a Disney-funded film (to my IMMENSE surprise; and it’s based off of an old Disney World ride, WHAT), and a movie that I saw a LOT when I was a kid. I also barely remember it, to be honest. But that film is straight-up science fiction because of, well...aliens. The idea of Martians is, as far as we know it, fictional. And most fiction involving Mars includes these aliens somehow. Whether it’s DC Comics’ entire civilization of Martians, as seen in Justice League, Supergirl, or Young Justice...

...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s heavily mythologized civilization, as seen in the Barsoom series of novels (and another Disney film)...

...Or one of the best Looney Tunes characters.

Mmm. Yes. Isn’t that lovely?

But, yeah, Mars and aliens go hand-in-hand in our media. So, to properly look at lo-fi science and speculative science fiction in relation to the Red Planet, we’ll need a movie that goes to the planet, and doesn’t touch upon the concept of aliens AT ALL.

Enter...Ridley Scott?

Yeah, the director of Legend, Alien, Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner, Gladiator. Also the director of Kingdom of Heaven, Prometheus, Exodus: Gods and Kings, and...ugh, 1492: Conquest of Paradise. I’ve talked about his mixed record before, in my Recap of Legend right here.

In 2014, he was brought on to adapt a book by Andy Weir called The Martian, which is a great book! I’ve listened to the audio book, and I whole-heartedly recommend doing that. And because of that, I am VERY MUCH looking forward to watching this film, especially seeing as it’s often called one of the best science fiction films made during that year, and was critically acclaimed then and now. It got seven Oscar nominations (although it won none of them), amongst other awards. So, enough navel-gazing, huh? The Martian!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

On Acidalia Plantitia, at the landing site of the Ares III mission, a group of scientists are gathering samples. These scientists are commander and geologist Melissa Lewis (Jessica Chastain), pilot Rick Martinez (Michael Pena), systems operator Beth Johanssen (Kate Mara), surgeon Chris Beck (Sebastian Stan), German chemist Alex Vogel (Aksel Hennie), and overly talkative botanist Mark Watney (Matt Damon). 

The group seems to have a good dynamic, but that dynamic is interrupted by a massive dust storm, which is large enough to cause the entire crew to evacuate. However, in the chaos of the dust storm, Mark is hit by debris and lost in the shuffle. Although Lewis goes back to find him, she can’t get to him before they need to leave, and Mark is believed dead. This is reported (pretty callously) by NASA Director Teddy Sanders (Jeff Daniels) to the press soon afterwards.

But of course, that wouldn’t be much of a movie, now would it? Mark’s alive! And Mark’s alone. With his suit damaged, and low on oxygen, he trudges back to headquarters, which is intact and still contains breathable oxygen. He gets inside, and realizes that he’s been stabbed in the abdomen by some debris. He removes it, and stitches up his own wound. Which is...god, it’s fucking BRUTAL just to think about, nevertheless watch.

Once he’s finished, he records a log for the future, if he doesn’t make it. It’s day 19 of the 31-day mission at this point, and Mark’s basically screwed. He needs lasting oxygen, water, and food, and he might need that for 4 years, when the next manned mission can come to the red planet. Additionally, he has absolutely no way to contact NASA, leaving him completely stranded. Another dust storm rolls in that night, and Mark looks over the belongings of his colleagues, packing them up for their eventual return. It’s somber, to say the least. However, Mark affirms that he’s determined not to die on the planet.

After doing the math, Mark should have enough food to last him for about 300 days, especially if he rations it. Until then, he’ll need to figure out how to grow his own food, on a planet where nothing grows. Which is, of course, going to be a difficult feat to accomplish. But Mark Watney’s a botanist with botany powers, and he’s gonna do it.

It’s day 31, and Mark’s brought in dirt from the outside, and uses the bio-waste from the crew’s stay there for a form of compost. After 5 days, mostly full of him watching Happy Days on TV and trying to farm, he realizes that he needs water, both for himself and for the soil. To do that, he goes chemical and decides to use hydrogen-laden rocket fuel, wood from Martinez’s belongings, and good old-fashioned fire to make water! And since hydrogen + oxygen = water, it should work. With a minor side-effect.

So, yeah, he blew himself up. As as he records a video log, the sound mixing makes itself impressively known by subtly and realistically generating a tinnitus sound. It’s VERY well-done, holy shit. Anyway, he makes a stable fire, and the place is soon covered in condensation, moistening the room and the soil successfully.

We get to day 54, and Mark’s planted leftover potatoes from the crew in order to grow them. And while he’s being mourned at a funeral on Earth, and in NASA, he’s seeing the fruits (or shoots) of his efforts.

Back on Earth, Mars Mission Director Vincent Kapoor (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is trying to convince Director Teddy to let him lobby for another Ares mission, despite the risk of bad press for the callousness of the proximity to Watney’s death. Meanwhile, satellite technician Mindy Park (Mackenzie Davis) looks down at the Ares III site, and realizes that the site has changed visually, meaning that Mark may actually be alive.

Shocked by this, she tells Kapoor, Teddy, and media director Annie Montrose (Kristen Wiig) about this, and they realize the absolute clusterfuck that this whole thing is. They can’t tell the other members of the Ares III crew about it, because it’d devastate them for the 10 months they have to get back to Earth, at the VERY least. They can’t tell the WORLD about this, because they just had a funeral for the guy, and they’d reveal that they left him stranded on Mars accidentally, destroying faith in the Mars Missions Program. And they can’t save Mark, who they’re sure will starve eventually. It’s a mess. And Kapoor also wonders what’s happening to Mark psychologically through all of this.

And yet, they reveal this to the world regardless, causing the clusterfuck reaction that they think it’s going to cause. But Mark’s busy on Mars, figuring out how to get to the site of the next Ares IV mission in 4 years, at the Schiaparelli crater about 50 days travel away. This is a struggle, as his Rover has only so much power and fuel, and he can only get more power by cutting out the heater is risking death by freezing. So, problems. However, he figures out a potential solution: radioactive isotopes! In a move that is, let’s face it, COMPLETELY INSANE, he digs up a radioactive generator from the ship in order to heat the ship.

On Earth, they try to figure out Mark’s moves, as well as how to resupply Ares IV sooner for Mark’s benefit. This is with the director of JPL, Bruce Ng (Benedict Wong), and the flight director of the ship Hermes, Mitch Henderson (Sean Bean), who insists that they tell the Ares II crew. They continue to monitor Mark, and note that he’s been travelling for 17 days in his Rover towards something. Kapoor figures it out, and flies to California.

See, Mark needs a way to contact NASA, and he believes that the way to do so is through Pathfinder, the first probe ever sent to Mars in 1997, lasting for 9 months since landing until they lost contact. Mark digs it up, and the people at JPL in California start their own efforts for contact. And despite communication being extremely rudimentary, initially limited to yes/no questions that use a still-frame camera, it fucking WORKS! WHOO!

To boost this communication hurdle, the two camps figure out a hexadecimal system for communication, allowing them to communicate using a circular table of numbers that represent an alphabet. That allows them to teach Mark to hack into the Rover, allowing it to piggyback off of its broadcast signal and send them messages via keyboard. Nice! Now that communication is reasonably possible, Mark’s able to ask how the crew is handling his death. But upon learning that they haven’t told him. He’s understandably a little goddamn enraged. And so, they FINALLY tell the Ares III crew about this.

The news breaks the crew, even though Mark continues to stress that he’s all right, and that it wasn’t their fault. Meanwhile, Mark’s able to survive for 912 days with his potato plants, and things improve with the help of technicians on Earth. They plan to launch a supply rocket to him in the next year, and things are looking fine! Unless, of course...something goes horribly HORRIBLY wrong.

Well...fuck. Good place to pause for Part Two, then?

[ikathemadhatter]

For the meme, top 5 Death Note characters and why!

I’m sorry for the late reply, you know I had a hell of months but here ich back  💪 Characters aren’t really in order of preferences tho, but here we go:

1. L Lawliet

Rather predictable, he was my favorite character since I watched Death Note for the very first time.

What fascinated me back then (aka 2008) was the fact L character broke the canon detective type I’ve seen in movies and series for a long while. In a typical crime story, the detective is the good dude chasing after the evil criminal and bringing back order -swaying indeed the flag of justice. Following the reasoning of several characters, especially some in the Kira Task Force, L is Justice while Kira is the evil criminal. Apparently -but, in my brutal and honest opinion, I don’t believe L is the emblem of justice. He is represented as that but Death Note is also a story that talks about justice and shows how justice, a misleading concept created by imperfection itself (humanity), is a tool to justify your actions. Because let’s face it, L used his power and all his means to confine and torture two young people just to prove his suspects were true, he wouldn’t mind using people to achieve his goal aka catch Kira. He represents justice because he’s the three world's greatest detective because he solves the most difficult cases but haha this is his main hobby, his reason to live and he doesn’t exactly empathize with other characters. There are some panels where he shows feelings, I think he truly respects some agents of the Kira Task Force and didn’t want anyone to die, but at the same time the most of his actions weren’t righteous at all. At least this is my opinion but this is also why I love this character; last but not least, his quirkiness is unique and funny and another fact that tickled my interest is what is shown of his personality... I like to believe that his truer personality is what we see in the Yotsuba Arc, but I also think he is rather good at adjusting his personality to the task. I would see it coming from a person really able to lie and doing it with no regret.

2. Light Yagami

To be rather honest, I relate to this character for a variety of reasons and this is probably why it breaks my heart to see his decline in the second arc. I’ve read tons of mangas and watched tons of anime in my life, but he keeps being the best protagonist of a shonen manga in my opinion.

Might it be a controversial opinion or not, I don’t think Light is an evil character -especially he’s not a sociopath or a psychopath. Death Note’s plot marks perfectly how much the use of a simple tool like the notebook itself corrupts the soul no matter how good their intentions are; it’s a magic object, but most importantly it’s a tool that lets you kill someone by not effectively showing you’re committing murder. I think the human mind is affected in a different way if murder means washing your hands with blood, visually doing it, instead of simply writing down a name on a notebook and waiting for that person to die of a heart attack. This means I guess Light wouldn’t go that far if he has to actually kill people with his own hands; at the beginning of the manga he realizes what he did -killing people-, but he ‘recovered’ rather quickly from the shock because of two reasons:

- he didn’t physically kill them so his mind didn’t process the action of murder in that sense

- he found quickly a coping mechanism aka he rationalized the Death Note as a holy tool that would serve for a better purpose

Light is in fact a character with pure idealism. He killed most wanted criminals who actually deserved to die in order to make the world a better and safe place. Every one of us, at least once in our life, has thought a rather evil criminal should deserve to die -because we’re humans and our emotions may be harsh and strong even towards our similar. It’s within our nature. And so it was within Light’s nature, to naively believe that killing criminals the world would be better. He also did kill people coming in his way, yes, and he also knew that it was wrong to kill those innocent people meant to be a threat to him. Why did he do it anyway? Because at some point he knew he was a martyr, someone who had the responsibility to sacrifice for the sake of the whole world. He is more selfless than other characters I might say, rationally avoided any futile emotion that could hinder his actions and plans. I mean, try to think what it means to push back your emotions, to block out everything that makes you human in a sense. Someone else would have probably gone crazy... This is why I believe his last speech is much more a liberation like he’s spitting out everything he’s held back and carried alone on his shoulders for years. At some point you want people to understand your achievements, your ideals.

Light is indeed a controversial character, rather complex and there’s a lot you can tell about him. He did bad things, I  know but... I admire his will, to be honest.

3. Naomi Misora

MY QUEEN. I still think her death is the most brutal one... And even if I understand why her character needed to leave the main plot, it would have been rather interesting to see her interacting with L and the Kira Task Force. 

I thank the existence of Another Note, because we can form a better idea of her possible personality. She’s absolutely a strong woman, intuitive and her kind of reasoning follows L’s investigations somehow. It’s that kind of character who’s able to balance rationality and acumen, which makes her surely a good FBI agent; her only flaw, probably, but it’s also the reason I love her, it’s her empathy and ability to feel. It’s also true that in the Death Note she was veiled by the loss of her fiancee and she was too reckless at following Light, but it showed how fragile and human she could be.

Speaking of Another Note, I loved all those scenes where she follows B’s weird suggestions -like pretending to be a corpse or sitting in a crouch- because even she knows it might be stupid she’s also like ‘Okay let’s try’. Demonstration of a kind of open-mindedness.

4. Aizawa

I love the critical thinking process of this character. He never takes things for granted and let’s remember he even left the Kira Task Force because he didn’t agree with L’s me and methods. In the second arc, he suspects of Light, senses that something is off, and trusts his guts enough to make some researches on his own. He incarnated the typical detective character who really wants to bring back order and justice and probably his way to clash with L and Light’s way of thinking made me like this character. It wasn’t love at first sight, in fact, I appreciated him more reading the manga (which I read after watching the anime) but it’s a character you learn to respect.

5. Ryuk

Just look at him. At his design, at the weird way he twisted his body or when he goes crazy eating a delicious apple, at his stupid jokes and any silly moments... and you think he’s just a goofy character when bam! the least you expect he reminds you he’s a Shinigami, a very bored one, and as a Shinigami, his task is to write down some human being’s name. Light’s included -though in this case, he did say till the beginning he would be the one writing Light’s name when the moment would come.

What can I say? Look at him, he makes you laugh, he’s the Boogeyman, he’s goofy, he’s fucking scary.

In this list I should also add Beyond Birthday, but probably I like the idea I have of him. Anyway I love him we all know it bye haha-

[salexectrian-heir]

Loki: Chapter 12*

Pairing: Solavellan Rating: E*, this chapter is NSFW

Summary: Lavellan rescued a mischievious sphynx kitten outside her work who loves her dearly. But his destructive habits start to get out of hand when he steals her attractive neighbor’s underwear… repeatedly.

Chapter 12* (4.8k, NSFW)

Anise wove in between bodies at a record pace, clutching her lunch bag to her chest, dodging interns left and right. She needed a moment of silence to clear her throbbing head, and if one more first year came up and asked her how to properly intubate someone, she might just scream. Normally, she would be all for teaching freshly graduated doctors-to-be techniques, but after what she just witnessed in the resident lounge? Absolutely not. 

Anise took a sharp right and dove into the stairwell that would lead her towards the basement, her feet moving on autopilot to the once familiar place she would run off to escape to early on in her career at Haven. At the second to last door from the bottom, she slumped into it, letting her weight push it open. Her brows arched as she saw someone else who apparently had the same idea she did, sitting on a gurney in the hallway of the abandoned wing of the hospital. 

“Old habits die hard,” Dorian said with a smirk, and gestured for her to sit in empty space beside him. 

“Gods, this takes me back to first year when we all would eat down here,” she said, hoisting herself up on the forgotten piece of equipment. She proceeded to open her own packed lunch, a tuna wrap with carrot sticks.

“Let me guess, your reason for avoiding our common area is the same as mine?”

They locked eyes, and said in synchrony, “Anders.” 

Dorian cackled. 

He fished a carrot stick out of her bag for himself before saying, “Honestly, I don’t know what we all saw in him. It ends the same way for everyone. You can’t fix him, no matter how hard you try,” he bit into the carrot stick with a loud crunch, “but at least it’s Hawke this time, and not a new intern. Maybe she will finally knock some sense into him.”

Anders was a brilliant doctor, one of the best neurosurgeons in the nation if not the best. He turned down multiple offers from hospitals all around the country before settling at the Ferelden teaching hospital. But his personal life was a total mess wrought with commitment issues, and he was constantly getting in over his head with the medical board with his fiery attitude and unorthodox approach to medicine (which was not necessarily always a bad thing, and definitely something that had drawn Anise to him in the first place, but his sometimes he just skirted the lines of what was ethical). Anise had made the mistake of getting involved with him shortly after starting her internship (as did Dorian) but quickly realized Anders was… a lot to say the least, and she politely ended things. To her surprise (and relief) he was understanding. They got along much better as colleagues than they did as lovers, anyway. Anise vowed never to date another doctor at her hospital moving forward. She was much more content to over hear gossip, than be the reason for the gossip.

And then, there was Hawke--their fellow resident, good friend, and ruthless rival. She was a handful, too. Equally as fiery, passionate, always managed to make everything a competition, and went tit for tat with Anders. He may have finally met his match. It didn’t surprise Anise they were sleeping together, or that they were airing out their dirty laundry in the resident lounge at this very moment. Something she had walked in on in her effort to get her lunch.

They had both stopped yelling and stared at her, mortified at the fact they had gotten caught. She had given them a painfully awkward wave before zipping over to the fridge, snagging her lunch, and darting out of the lounge in under ten seconds.

Their fighting resumed before the door had even shut on her way out.

“Let’s hope only metaphorically, Anders has a surgery this evening, and I’m getting to scrub in and perform the craniotomy.” She stuck her tongue out at Dorian’s envious expression.

“Brat. Does Hawke know about this?”

Anise rolled her eyes, “If I were to hedge a guess, it’s what started their fight.”

As she bit into her wrap, her phone vibrated in her pocket. When she checked it, she promptly choked.

[Vhenan]

Will you let me take you out to dinner this Friday? 

Schedule permitting, of course

[1:13pm]

Friday. 

As in The Fourteenth of February. 

As in, Valentine's Day.

“Best steer clear of Hawke for the rest of the day then. Otherwise she might just knock you instead.”

“Hah..ha,” Anise replied weakly, eyes still glued to her phone. Her brain, temporarily out of order.

Solas wanted to take her out.

On the national holiday for couples. 

Granted, he had taken her out before, but that had been more casual, and hadn’t felt as exclusive. From the outside, they could have just been good friends dancing together, grabbing a bite afterwards. People did that all the time. 

(Well, he did kiss her, but no one had been around to witness it, so therefore it didn’t technically count, or so she tried to rationalize.)  

 That date also had been before they started sleeping together…before he called her vhenan... 

A wave of heat rolled up her neck, burning the tips of her ears. She had been too cowardly to bring up what he had said to her in his sleep filled haze the day after the last time they had slept together. Their snow day together had been too picture perfect, and she didn’t want to chance ruining it. She spent the entirety of the day on top of him on her couch (they had switched apartments for Loki’s sake). And when they weren’t alternating between their favorite movies… they engaged in other forms of entertainment.

[Anise]

I believe my shift ends at 5 next Friday--if you don’t mind having a little bit of a later dinner, I would love to join you

[1:20pm]

[Vhenan]

I do not, I’ll make the arrangements.

[1:20pm]

[Anise]

Nothing too fancy!! You’ve seen my laundry, I only own scrubs and that one dress

[1:21pm]

[Vhenan]

It is done.

[1:22pm]

“Who’s Vhenan?”

Anise nearly jumped out of her skin and almost dropped her phone on the floor.

“Dorian,” she chided, shoving him hard, and scrambling to send off one more text.

[Anise]

No presents! And we go halfsies 

[1:22pm]

“It’s your fault you made no effort to hide your screen.  I’ve been talking to you this whole time and you’ve so carelessly ignored me. I had to know who was more important than your very best friend.”

“Absolutely no one.” Anise tucked her phone safely back into the privacy of her pocket.

“Darling Anise, we both know that’s bullshit.”

It was at that moment the door to the hall bust wide open, the sound of it slamming against the wall echoed like a gunshot, startling both Anise and Dorian.

“Oh fuck,” Hawke’s horrified face was quickly covered by her hands, sending tufts of her pixie cut jet black hair to stick out at even odder angles than they normally did, “and here I thought I could escape today for one fucking second.” 

Dorian and Anise exchanged a quick glance and said together, “Old habits die hard,” 

Dorian shifted further down the gurney, as did Anise, leaving space for one more body. Anise gestured to Hawke to take the spot, and offered her a carrot stick. Hawke made a disgusted noise but took the seat, and carrot stick, anyway. It looked like she might snap it in half. She fell into an awkward, tenuous silence beside Anise, who suddenly became very interested in the tuna of her wrap, taking small nibbles and examining the bite marks she left behind.  

Finally, at long last Hawke said, “I can’t scrub in with Anders anymore.”

“Because you’re sleeping with him?”

Hawke shot Dorian a dark look. “I’m dating him, asshole.”

Anise paused mid bite, “Wait… like…?”

“Like, it’s official, All-Spice,” she quipped at Anise using that stupid nickname that speech pathlogist gave her that Hawke hung around with. Apparently, he gave everyone nicknames. “We went to the Chief, came clean, and everything. Anders had to speak privately with Viv for like an hour.” Hawke rubbed her face. “And then he comes back and tells me that I no longer am allowed to scrub in with him anymore.”

“I mean, that makes sense,” Dorian said, which was clearly the wrong thing to say to Hawke, earning him another, darker, glare as she chomped down on her carrot stick.

“Fuck you,” Hawke said with her mouth full, pausing to swallow before continuing, “I know that. I still get to be upset about it.”

“Valid,” Anise said, taking another small bite of her wrap.

“Sure, but you don’t have to scream about it,” Dorian retorted.

“Also, valid point,” Anise commented, covering her mouth with a hand as she chewed.

“Fine, you’re right. Sorry,” Hawke sighed, shoulders rising and falling dramatically. “And I’m also sorry for what you walked in on, Anise. I want it to be clear, I didn’t mean to sound like I was angry at you. I’m not. I just let--”

The door to the hall opened again, with considerably less banging this time, but all three residents snapped to attention as they saw who stepped through.

“The Witch,” Dorian hissed.

The Chief Resident’s expression soured.

“I heard that, Dorian,” she drawled, “why is it that when I need a competent resident, the three of you are nowhere to be found. Incoming abdominal gunshot wound, no exit, OR three.”

All of them immediately jumped up, pushing each other out the way to stand before Morrigan, Dorian and Anise shoving their lunches haphazardly back into their packs as Hawke edged them out.

Morrigan rolled her eyes. “Lavellan, you have a surgery tonight, you’re out.”

Anise didn’t fight it, given the circumstances, and quietly stepped back.

“Hawke with me. You look like you need it.”

“What,” Dorian protested, gesturing flippantly at Hawke, “how is that the basis of your decision?”

“Dorian, you suck up to every attending, you’ll find a surgery to scrub into before I make it back to the OR floor.”

Hawke’s amber eyes sparkled as she flipped off Dorian when Morrigan had her back turned. Dorian returned the gesture with equal flair. 

“Remind me why we’re friends with her again,” Dorian asked, after they were gone.

“Because she’s a pariah like us, and you do actually like her as a person, flaws and all.”

Dorian grumbled something in Tevine under his breath, slumping back down onto the gurney. “And remind me why I’m friends with you, when you won’t even tell me all the interesting bits of your life?”

Anise sighed.

If she started telling Dorian about Solas, it would mean someone else would know, which would make it all the more real.

It really didn’t take her that long to decide.

“Okay, but you have to promise me not to laugh and call me crazy,” Anise warned, and Dorian’s face lit up, “but it started with my kitten and my neighbor’s boxer briefs…”

***

The restaurant was one of those scratch kitchen types, where everything was locally sourced and organic. It had a rustic feel to it that reminded her of home the moment they sat down at their booth, surrounded by plants and large glass windows. Surprisingly, it was comfortably warm. She had shrugged off her winter coat, but kept on the black blazer she had dug out of her closet that she hadn’t worn since she graduated medical school, and was happy to know it still fit perfectly. She had gone with a floral turtleneck underneath with a pair of tight jeans and ankle boots. Not too fancy, but still dressed up. He had worn something similar in fashion, a pair of nice jeans, a green sweater, and sport coat over top.

It was surreal. To be out, with him, clearly as a couple. Her heart hadn’t stopped fluttering since he took her hand when they left their apartment complex.

She hadn’t meant to talk about work, or make Solas talk about work, knowing how bringing it up seemed to ruin his mood. But when he asked about how the surgery with Anders she was able to scrub in on went, the incident with Hawke naturally came up, and suddenly she was discussing work. 

“I’m sorry, I’m monopolizing the conversation. I would ask you about your week, but I get the impression it wasn’t any better than the last.”

“You would be correct in that assumption,” he said, rubbing his temples. “I managed to avoid the C.E.O for most of it. One awkward elevator ride was all I had to endure. Luckily, in silence.” 

Even with that simple statement, she could see the tension set in his shoulders. “Let’s not talk about work anymore.”

He peered over his steepled hands at her. “What would you like us to talk about, Anise?”

Anise ran her tongue over her teeth and thought for a second. “I want to learn more about you. So let’s play a game.”

Solas’ brows arched. “What kind of game do you have in mind?”

“You try to make an assumption about me. If you’re right, I drink. If you’re wrong, you drink. And vice versa.”

He chuckled. “Where did you learn this game?”

“Med school. We had to find some way to cope,” she said with a laugh of her own.

“You might want to order a second glass of wine before we start.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you think I’ll only make wrong assumptions, and you’ll only ever make right ones?”

“Indeed, I do.”

Anise rolled her neck. “Game on. I’ll go first. Your favorite color is green.”

“You went for something easy.” Solas took a generous sip of his wine. “What gave it away?”

Anise grinned. “Your sweater. Your ties are mostly green. Your socks have intricate green patterns on them. Your briefcase is a very dark green, almost black if you’re not looking close enough. But your sweater tonight really sealed the deal for me.”

“Astute observations. Then let me counter with this, your favorite color is blue.”

“Guilty.” Anise blushed behind her glass of wine, and took a sip. “I’ll bite. How’d you know?”

It was Solas’ turn to smile. “Your bedsheets are blue. As is the accent wall in your bedroom. The gift wrap you covered my wintersend gift in. Most of your scrubs are light blue, though this could be required at your hospital, but I took the risk.”

There were also two very obvious reasons, she wasn’t about to admit to as she gazed into them. 

“Only attendings have a specific uniform color, and its navy ironically.”

Their dinner arrived after that, but they continued their little game even after their drinks were finished, using water instead until they ordered a second glass each. Solas guessed Anise had broken bones as a kid--she drank, she had broken two in her arm when she was four years old, and was religious--he drank, which prompted a long philosophical conversation about the elven gods and their teachings in which he was surprised to find she wasn’t religious, or spiritual, at all. That she viewed them more as lessons in morals more than anything. Anise soon learned, after a few more wrong guesses, Solas hated plums, but not as much as tea, loved to read research articles, if only to critique their methodology and sample size, and to her greatest surprise, had been arrested twice before the age of eighteen.

Anise finished off the last of her ravioli, and asked, “For what?”

“Disorderly conduct, and Trespassing,” Solas said, pusing around some of the vegetables on his plate, “I was very misguided in my youth.”

“I remember you saying that. My my, what a troublemaker you turned out to be,” she teased.

His lips twisted into that half smile she loved so much. As he studied her from across the table, setting aside his cutlery and dish, her stomach did flips. “You are the youngest child.”

Anise took a sip of her wine. “Youngest of three.”

“All girls?”

Anise shook her head triumphantly, “Only girl.” Solas took a sip of his. 

“I have two older brothers. One is in law enforcement, the other is in a metal band.”

“Metal band? Diverse interests in your family.”

“Hah, you don’t even know what my father does for a living.”

Solas did that deep stare again. There was silence for a beat, then he said, “Politician.”

“Damnit,” Anise whispered, taking another sip.

Solas eyes lit up with a realization. “Is he--?”

“The Dalish politician, yes, yes, the one and only,” Anise rolled her eyes rather dramatically, feeling the wine settling in, “kind of obvious. Know how I mentioned in the past my family was busy with legal matters in Wycome? Well, I’m sure you saw recently on the news, the Dalish settlement in the Free Marches was officially recognized as a historical site and can no longer be bought or demolished, because of his advocacy and support from Wycome residents who rallied.”

“I did, it’s incredible what he has done for the history of his people.”

‘I agree.  They are in the process of creating a museum to preserve the artifacts and culture from the ancient Dalish in the city. The land will remain untouched and essentially become a nature preserve with trails and historical markers. He keeps saying I have to visit once everything settles down and it’s opened to the public.”

The waitress came around to collect their plates and ask if they wanted dessert. The answer was obviously yes, as if Solas could ever say no to anything sweet. It was entertaining to watch his face light up over a simple frilly cake. 

“I do believe it's your turn,” he said, licking icing off his fork. 

That was… distracting.

Anise recovered, tips of her ears burning, “You’re an only child.”

Solas stared off at the space behind her quizzically. “What happens when someone does not know how to respond to a statement, do we both drink?”

“I’ve never encountered that kind of situation before playing this game,” Anise admitted.

“To answer your question, I do not know if I have biological siblings. I don’t remember my biological parents. I was placed into foster care in Arlathan when I was very young. I met kindred spirits there, people I would have considered siblings, at the time.”

“I would say they absolutely count.”

He nodded, and drank. While doing so he dug out his phone, scrolled through it for a moment, before smiling, a true smile, and catching her eyes again. “You must not laugh.” He held out his phone.

Anise raised a brow. “No promises without context,” she said, accepting his phone and turning her attention to the picture he had left up. 

“Oh, my gods,” her hand quickly shot to her mouth before she could let a giggle escape. “This is you. You have hair. How old are you here? This is… your friend that took you dancing?”

“Seventeen. And yes, that’s her. Her name was Sage. I met her while in the boarding school the state sent me to. Scroll if you want to see more.”

The picture was of two teenagers in school uniforms, standing in the middle of a city street. Solas clearly the younger of the two, with messy brown hair that just barely glinted red in the sunlight. The girl beside him had a shock of green hair that fell just below her chin. One of her arms slung around his neck, laughing at him, as he flipped off whoever was holding the camera.

The next one was Solas eating a cupcake in a dorm room, or to more accurately describe it, having a cupcake shoved into his face by Sage, who had icing on her nose already. The third was an action shot of them dancing. They got a little older every couple photos or so. At the bottom she realized the photos belonged to a memorial album he had on Facebook. While she was busy admiring photos of Solas’ over the years she had not known him, and tearing up as she realized what he had given her, a piece of his past, he had paid for their date. 

Sneaky.

“Hey wait, that’s not fair,” she said, returning his phone and standing up, “you baited me.”

“I did.” He pressed a quick kiss to her temple and helped her into her coat. 

***

The moment they made it into the lobby of their apartment complex, they were inseparable. In their favor it was empty, and the elevator was theirs alone. How they got that lucky, she didn’t know. What she did know was how badly he wanted her, evident with each pass of his tongue as it pushed past her lips. How his hands slipped under her shirt and roamed her stomach sending heat sliding down her spine to pool in her core. How the elevator brought them to their floor all too soon. 

They stood in front of his apartment, her back pressed against his door with clothes entirely wrinkled and lungs breathless, torn between not wanting to stop but also wanting to move inside. She chased his lips as he pulled away to take out his key, but landed on his neck. She continued to kiss him as the lock clicked open. He groaned as her teeth grazed his pressure point, the fingers of his free hand digging into her hip. As the door swung inward, she grabbed a fist full of his shirt and pulled him across the threshold.

“I thought you might want to come back after,” he said between kisses, stripping themselves of their outer layers once the door had closed securely behind them. “Bathroom,” he instructed, nudging her with his nose to her cheek to get her to turn in that direction. 

Her bra was shed somewhere between the entryway and his bedroom, leaving her only in jeans. She didn’t want to break their connection, but when she stepped into the bathroom what she saw demanded her full attention. Candles and flowers in petite mason jars lined the tub and sink counter. And a bath bomb on the lid of the toilet seat, still in its packaging. Her heart throbbed.

Oh. He remembered I liked those.

The strike of a match brought her focus back to him. He went to grab one of the candles, but Anise got between him and his target, blowing out the lit match. She took the box from him and tossed it somewhere on top of the toilet without breaking his gaze. Her mouth was on the skin of his neck a second later, backing him up against the wall. Nipping and sucking with a couple little  harder bites in between, her tongue caressing spots she had marked him. But when his fingers slid into her hair and clenched, it sent a sharp twinge of pain across her scalp making her moan. 

“Mm, interesting,” he said, licking along her bottom lip.

It would have taken way more self-control than she had to to resist the impulse to roll her hips into him, and as she did she was rewarded with feeling the hard press of his erection against her hip through his jeans. It sent a current through her, making her throb between her legs.

His fingers curled into the waistline of her unzippered jeans, yanking them, and her lacy underwear down her thighs. It took a little effort as they clung tightly to her thighs, but eventually he wrestled her out of them. He managed to get his pants off with one fluid movement, and had her against the counter in a heartbeat, the cold stone biting into her lower back, his mouth slating against hers.

He lifted her with no effort, setting her atop the counter space, spreading her legs wide open. His fingers raced along the inside of her thigh, finding her clit and starting a steady and slow rhythm that had her writhing in what seemed like no time at all. He pulled away and lazily dragging his fingers aroud the lips of her sex, taking a sharp breath at wet she had become. 

“Anise,” he groaned, sliding a finger inside her. 

She gripped his shoulders, nails biting into his skin as he moved within her. One finger soon became two, and she bit her lip to stop from mewling as they curled in just the right cadence that set her nerves on fire. How he had memorized her body, and the way she liked to be touched so quickly was beyond her. When she couldn’t hold it back anymore, she let a whine escape in the form of his name. He removed his fingers just before she could tip over the edge he had brought her to. Some part of her brain realized she was so wet she was dripping onto his counter, but she quite couldn’t bring herself to care. He pulled her hips forward, bringing her to the edge so he could angle himself to take her. 

And take her he did.

Her back arched as he smoothly thrust up and in, her head pressing into the mirror behind her. Her legs curled around his waist at the pleasurable stretch she felt as he filled her, pinning him there against her. The other hand wound its way back into the tresses of her hair, spilling out between his fingers as they scraped along her scalp. He twisted her hair sharply, forcing a blissful cry from her mouth into his, which he devoured greedily, and only encouraged him to fuck her harder. With each snap of his hips his grip in her hair tightened, the tension in her pulling taut until she broke, clenching around his cock in such powerful waves she couldn’t help herself from riding against him. He barely pulled out in time to finish on her stomach. They remained as they were, her legs wrapped around his waist, ass on the counter, foreheads pressed together as they caught their breath. 

“We did this out of order,” he said, his breathless laughter dancing on her cheek, “Bath first, then sex, was the intention.”

She hummed blithely,  “I have no regrets.”

He released his hold on her hair, tucking several loose strands behind her ear, and laid a soft kiss on her temple before pulling out of her embrace. He cleaned his mess off her, and then himself while she wiped down the counter. Through some unspoken agreement, he went to draw the bath and she attended to the candles.

Finally, they sunk into the blessedly warm water, Solas first then Anise. Unable to contain her excitement, she unwrapped the blue bath bomb, and dropped it into the water with a very quiet, noise of delight. An explosion of blue and purple spread like smoke beneath the water as the scent of jasmine rose to greet her. 

“Thank you,” she said, settling in against his chest, enjoying the way the heat of water made his body a cool relief at her back in comparison. An inky twilight surrounded their limbs, making anything underneath invisible to the depths of its color.

He laced his fingers through her own resting on his knee above the water, and squeezed.

For some reason, that simple gesture, that subtle contact, overwhelmed her. Her vision swam as the too familiar sting of tears rushed to the corners of her eyes. She took a deep breath and let it in. It wasn’t sadness, no that was a raw, hollow aching feeling that suffocated you until you could feel no more.

This… this was different. This was overwhelming, and in the best way imaginable. Like taking a breath for the first time after not being able to breathe, like lungs so full of fresh air  it sent racing through her veins straight to her heart in a sweet release. 

Am I really that lonely?

Or…is this…?

She knew the answer. Had known the answer for a while now, but refused to let it surface. At least, until... 

“Solas,” she whispered.

He drew his free hand out of the water to caress her arm. “Yes, Anise.”

“Did you mean it?” She swallowed, her throat suddenly thick. “Did you mean it when you called me vhenan?”

He let go of her hand, and tugged on her to turn around. She hesitated for a moment, realizing he was going to see her crying but obliged, twisting her torso to face him.  His furrowed brows that softened when he saw her expression. He cupped her face with both hands, the water from the bath mixing with the tears on her cheeks as he stroked her face with his thumbs. 

His ever steady eyes bore into her own as he leaned in and whispered, “I meant it,” before closing and capturing her in a kiss. “Vhenan,” he said against her lips, kissing her in such a way she felt dizzy when he finally broke from her mouth to pass over her eyes, whispering “vhenan,” over each one, before coming to rest on her forehead. 

“Ar lath ma.”

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Gibbous Chapter 7

Chapter Title: J is for Jerk

Summary:  Virgil's life is actually going good for once, Roman aside. However, of course something comes down to knock down the metaphorical house of cards, that something's name being Jerad.

Word-Count: 6046

Warnings:  Crying, Death Mention, Gaslighting, Verbal/Physical Abuse, Panic Attack

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AO3 Link

A/N: Hello everyone! I told myself I'd update this fic on my birthday and well here I am! *inserts The Emperor's New Groove gif of Kuzco going "This is my birthday gift to me! I'm so happy!"*

Many thanks to @theeternalspace for listening to my numerous rants about this chapter, reading over this chapter like three times for me and being a patient, encouraging friend. And also thank you to everyone who has left such nice comments on this fic in recent weeks, I appreciate them all <3

Also a majority of this chapter's events take place before Chapter 5 just to clear things up.

-

Roman aside, Virgil’s miserable attempt at life was...far from miserable at the moment. He actually liked his job, for one. His coworkers were friendly and he found sorting books and putting them away weirdly soothing. He had three actual friends. Something he was still reeling from.

Still, even with these good things his mind was prone to worry.  It was annoying. He knew he should be grateful, that he should enjoy it while it lasted. But anxiety isn’t known to be bend to rational thought. That was sorta the whole point of anxiety.

He tried ignoring the impending sense of doom. It had to be just irrational nonsense and nothing more. Except it wasn’t. Something came, carelessly knocking down the tower of cards. That something’s name was Jerad.

Virgil was like 75% percent positive that the letter J in Jerad’s name stood for jerk. Though, Jerad was deserving of a variety of more explicit, foul names than jerk. Virgil, having a healthy fear of death, chose not to disclose them to Jerad himself. Instead, he thought about them, silently, in his head.

But…he wasn’t a jerk all the time; hence the 75%. For as much as Virgil complained about his roommate, Jerad wasn’t that bad of a guy. When he wasn’t drinking or blasting his music of course. It wasn’t like Virgil was in a position to confront him about either of those things.

Jerad let him go late on paying the rent more times than he could count. Hell he wouldn’t have a place to live it wasn’t for Jerad.

He’d been almost eighteen and panicking. When he turned eighteen, he’d be kicked out of the foster care system. While Virgil hated the system, but it ensured him a place to stay and food to eat. Soon that’d be all on him to figure that stuff out. For such a small amount of space, apartments were ridiculously expensive. There’d be no way for him to rent an apartment without resorting to having a roommate to help pay the rent.

It was something he dreaded, because it meant he had to coexist with a virtual stranger. Which really wasn’t different from drifting from foster home to foster home. It still didn’t mean Virgil was fond of the idea.

When Jerad caught a whiff of his dilemma, he’d came to his aid.

“My roommate Robby left me to pay the rest of the lease on my own—skipped town, the bastard. I figure, you can have his room as long as you pay your part of the rent. Whattaya say?” Jerad flashed a grin.

“U—uh sure.” Virgil stammered, “thank you so much!”

“Don’t thank me, it’s what anyone would do.” Jerad laughed, patting Virgil’s back.

Virgil flinched a bit at the action. He didn’t like how Jared patted his back just a little too hard. However he kept his mouth shut. After all, the guy had just offered him a place to stay. Jerad kept rattling on about details for the apartment, appearing completely ignorant of Virgil’s discomfort.

At the time, he knew Jerad as his friendly-but-annoying-at-times coworker. He had no reason to assume otherwise. Especially when Jerad did such nice things like furnish the apartment with a new couch and refused to take Virgil’s money for it.

Sure, sometimes he used those nice things against Virgil when they got into an argument.

“Well since I was the one who brought the couch, I think I reserve the right to watch TV whenever I want to!”

But he was always quick to apologize a day or two later. Such as the incident that happened when Virgil arrived home from the werewolves’ house the first time. Jerad had been drunk that night, yelling and accusing of Virgil attempting to skip town.

Virgil had been terrified. How was he going to explain to Jerad he might not have a job anymore? It was one thing to pay rent late, it was another to have absolutely no money at all. What was he supposed to say?

“Hey, uh, I kinda got kidnapped by werewolves and spent a night locked in their basement, sorry about the inconvenience?”

It sounded laughable to his own ears. Hell, if he hadn’t experienced it himself, he wouldn’t believe it. It was crazy. Paranormal sightings in the city hadn’t happened in the city for years. It was unlikely anyone was going to believe his story. He’d look like the boy who cried wolf, literally .

There was also the fact that he could possibly hurt Patton in the process and…he didn’t want that. Not after anything he’d done for Virgil.

He had to come up with a story that was more believable than that. A lie, essentially. Lying was not Virgil’s forte. He didn’t like it. Didn’t like how it made his stomach churn and his mouth dry. But there was no damn way he was telling the truth.

He paced the narrow length of his room, hands pulling at his greasy locks of hair. A story, a story—what he could possibly say? He got drunk and woke up three states away with no idea where he was? No, no that’s unbelievable. Jerad knew he wouldn’t pull off a stunt like that.

Virgil would have maybe one or two drinks. But never enough to get him flat-out drunk. He disliked the loss of control that came with being tipsy.

Still, Jerad tried his best to pressure him otherwise. Sometimes when none of his other friends were available, he dragged Virgil to bars to be his drinking buddy for the night. He had to come up with something else.

Could he tell the truth and just conveniently leave out the fact they’d been werewolves? Would anyone believe that complete strangers would do such a thing? Virgil wouldn’t.

Amnesia, maybe? A fib about how he got whacked on the head so hard that he completely lost all his memories? It happened all the time in novels and movies. Real life? Not so much.

Virgil let out a pained groan, collapsing onto his bed. He couldn’t think of anything that would satisfy Jerad. Even telling the truth was sure to earn Jerad’s ire. He’d accuse of Virgil of telling a lie even then. There was only one thing that Jerad would believe. It was the very thing he’d accused Virgil the night before.

His chest tightened at even the thought of it. It was just like any of the other explanation he’d thought of telling Jerad; they were all fake. So why was he more conflicted using that one than the others? He hadn’t even denied it when Jerad had brought it up a second time.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, alright?”

Jerad hardly remembered anything when he was plastered. There was a good chance he’d forgotten about the whole interaction from the night before. But there was always a slim chance that he hadn’t. Virgil didn’t like taking that chance.

Okay, he skipped town. That was his story. But why did he skip town? What had made him come crawling back? Think Virgil, think!

His doorknob rattled as an outside force tried turning it open. Jerad. Virgil sat frozen for the few seconds it continued to jingle. He was relieved he’d had the foresight to lock it in the first place. Virgil knew that his thin wooden door was hardly any protection against him and Jerad, a former star high school football quarterback. It was really only a matter of time until Jerad broke through and beat him to a pulp.

Except that didn’t happen. Jerad would never beat him to a pulp—or he’d at least never done it before. There could always be a first time. That didn’t change the fact that Jerad had physically hurt him before. It was only a bruise, here and there.

Drunk Jerad forgot about his own strength sometimes. Sometimes a friendly slap on the back wasn’t so friendly. Still, Virgil had worse. He still had scars left over from high school bullies and the few bad foster parents he’d endured. He never had any lasting marks from Jerad. Only bruises that faded into oblivion.

“Hey Virgin, you awake?” Jerad asked through the door.

Virgil exhaled sharply at the nickname. Jerad wasn’t the first one in his life to call him that. The high school bullies had really jumped on that one. His name Virgil sounded similar to Virgin—hilarious. Truly, comedy gold.

He’d asked Jerad once to not to call him by that. The other had laughed.

“Oh, don’t be such a pussy!” Jerad said, taking a swig of his beer, “It’s true isn’t it?”

“Well yes—”

“Then I don’t see the problem with me stating facts,” Jerad shrugged his shoulders, “Tell you what? I’ll stop calling you that once you find a hot chick to hook up with.”

That interaction with Jerad left a bad taste in his mouth. It was true—Jerad and the others were just stating a fact. Virgil was a virgin. He wasn’t ashamed of it. But he hated how they said it—like it was synonymous with loser. Worse, he was somehow lesser for it.

There wasn’t anything wrong with being a virgin, was there? Or being repulsed by the idea of sex. There was a term for that. Asexuality. He had come across it on Tumblr. It’d been a relief to know he wasn’t the only one. He hadn’t told Jerad. There was no use when he already knew what his response would be.

He’d laugh and tell Virgil he’d change his mind. Or that he was just imagining he was that way. The last one was what Virgil feared most. What if he was just making it up?

Virgil shoved those thoughts away, taking a deep breath. Shit, how long had Jerad been waiting for an answer behind the door?

With a trembling hand, he reached for the door. He unlocked it before swinging it open. Jerad stood there, grinning. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign.

“Hi, Jerad,” Virgil said, attempting to keep his voice level.

“You’re really here…” Jerad’s grin grew wider, “I thought you coming back was a dream or something.”

“About that—”

“Oh boy you missed the wildest party ever—I’ll tell you over breakfast, my treat!”

He swung an arm over Virgil who allowed himself to be dragged outside his room, outside the apartment. He’d been too shocked to protest. He doubted he could wiggle out of Jared’s ironclad grip even if he wanted to. Was Jerad after last night really taking him out to eat? Apparently so, as the two walked through the doorway of a cute breakfast café.

Jerad rambled on the party, but Virgil could hardly focus on his words. He nodded at all the right parts, giving the façade he was listening. All he could hear was the thrum of his heartbeat roaring in his ears.

He moved his food around the plate, merely giving the impression he was eating. Virgil never had much of an appetite but he definitely didn’t have one at the moment. His plate was gigantic. Bigger than the typical American restaurant serving, which was already impossible to eat in one sitting. There was a stack of steaming buttermilk pancakes dripping with syrup. A bowl full of fresh fruit. Lastly, there was also a plate with sunny side up eggs, bacon and sausage. His stomach turned to knots just looking at it.

Virgil, not wanting to take advantage of Jerad’s generosity, had tried ordering the cheapest item on the menu. Jared laughed and told the waitress to disregard that. Virgil didn’t correct him when the waitress looked over at him for confirmation. He gave only a feeble nod, his gaze falling onto the checkered tiled floor.

“You’re my friend, Virgil. No need to go starving for my sake!” Jared laughed, giving him a light punch on the arm. It was just a friendly tap, he knew Jared didn’t mean anything by it. He still tensed up when he saw that hand coming towards him.

Virgil had chuckled weakly in response.

He hadn’t taken a single bite of his meal. He felt guilty—Jared had paid for it and he couldn’t even muster up the appetite. He was too busy thinking about how he was to break it to Jared he probably didn’t have a job anymore. Jared often let him pay his rent late—sometimes allowing Virgil to go without paying that month’s rent at all. But this was different. What if he couldn’t find a job? Would Jared throw him out on the streets?

“Hey Virgil, mind sharing a piece of your sausage with me?” Jared asked, jarring Virgil out of his thoughts.

Jared had gotten the same dish as Virgil. In fact, he still had some of his own sausage left. But it wasn’t like Virgil was going to be eating his anytime soon. Virgil nodded, sliding the plate closer to Jared. The other man dug into it, without saying a word of thanks to him.

“Y’know, you’ve been really quiet, V-Man,” Jared said, mouth half full of food, “What’s up with you? Are you constipated?”

“N—no, I just,” Virgil hesitated, “Why aren’t you angry? Weren’t you mad last night?”

Jared’s eyes darkened and immediately Virgil regretted his words.

“I was drunk, Virgin . You know I don’t mean anything when I’m drunk,” He scowled, “Sure I was worried. I thought maybe you pulled the same shit on me as Robby. But I wasn’t angry.”

“You weren’t?”

“Of course not, especially since you came back!” Jared’s eyes brightened once more.

Virgil bit his lips, “Jared, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Now, now none of that chicken shit!” Jared interrupted, clasping Virgil’s shoulder, “I gotta go to work soon, but whataya say that tonight you tell me where you’ve been? We can go hit up a few bars and get fucking wasted.”

“S—sure.”

“A—awesome!” Jared said, mocking Virgil’s stutter, before breaking into a fit of laughter.

Jared never accepted Virgil’s apology or really allowed him a chance to explain. It was probably best, considering Virgil himself didn’t know how. He did allow Virgil to stay at the apartment. He had even been the one to encourage Virgil to go back to Kirby’s to get his job back there.

“C’mon Virgey, man up! Give some sob story about your mother being in the hospital and the old hag will eat it up.”

Virgil clenched his teeth, “Yeah, Jerad, I’m sure that’d work great except my parents are dead .”

“Oh right,” Jerad said, having enough decency to look a bit remorseful, “Well, make something else up then!”

So sure, Jerad was a jerk that played loud music. He was also a jerk that shared his apartment with Virgil and occasionally did nice things like buy him breakfast. So he couldn’t be that bad of a guy, right? Or so he thought.

-----------------------------------

Virgil’s first mistake had been falling unconscious on the couch. It wasn’t even that comfortable, with its’ broken springs and sunken cushions that smelled like liquor. Even his lumpy mattress was a step up to the couch. Really, fifteen paces and he could collapse on his bed within the security of his room.

Fifteen paces, however, seemed impossible to an exhausted Virgil. He worked a full day running on only a few hours’ of sleep in the last 48 hours. It happened when you were an insomniac. Virgil scraped by with copious amounts of coffee. Caffeine always gave him a pounding headache, but it was better than being a literal zombie. He should’ve known all that caffeine would result in a crash.

Virgil shuffled inside his apartment, lasting a few steps in before his vision swarmed. He swayed, his body dipping downwards in a vertical dive. ‘ Oh, I’m falling ,’ He realized belatedly. His last thoughts hoping he made contact with the couch rather than the floor.

“Virgil!”

Someone called his name. He made a sluggish attempt to move his limbs, still fraught with fatigue. How long had he been asleep? It felt like forever. His subconscious threatened to drag him back into its depths. But alas, it was not to be.

Something shoved Virgil off the couch, causing him to collide with the cold hard floor. Virgil let out a groan. The sharp pain coursing through veins jerked him wide awake. A ravenous laughter roared above him. Jerad.

He must’ve shoved Virgil as a joke. That was all there was to it. Nothing to get worked up over. Still, Virgil was on the couch. Jerad’s couch. Jerad was going to yell at him for hogging the couch when he had a perfectly good bed to sleep on--

Virgil’s breath hitched.

This should’ve been where he stammered an apology to Jerad before fleeing to his bedroom. Like he’d done plenty of times before. Except in the midst of Jerad’s laughter, his phone vibrated in his pocket. Without thinking, he pulled it out. That had been his second mistake.

Because it was a text from Patton. The werewolf sent him an outdated meme. Like one might find from a cringey Facebook meme-page frequented by soccer moms and elderly people. But it was from Patton and Virgil couldn’t help the smile that curled across his face.

“Aww Virgie, who you texting? Did you finally get laid?”

A hand snatched the phone away from his grasp.

“Hey give it back!” Virgil lunged toward Jerad, but the former football quarterback easily sidestepped him. This caused Virgil to crash hard into the coffee-table. Virgil stifled a curse as he rose up.

“What? Afraid I’ll see some embarrassing sexts?” Jerad rolled his eyes, his thumb flicking across the cracked screen. His smile dissipated as he scrolled further and further into the text conversation.

“Virgil, what the hell is this?”

Oh no . There wasn’t any reference to Pat being a werewolf was there? Aside from memes, there wasn’t much on there as far as he could recall.

“It’s a text conversation with my friend Patton.” Virgil swallowing, trying to push down the fear that threatened to engulf him.

“Steven Universe? This guy watches little kid shows? Are you friends with a five-year-old?! C’mon this is paaaathetic .”

“Jerad, please give me my phone back.” Virgil begged, reaching for the phone but Jerad held it high above his head.

“Nah, this shit is hilarious. I can’t believe this guy really thinks he’s your friend!”

“Thinks? Jerad, he is my friend.”

But his roommate just laughed as if Virgil told a joke.

“Psh, yeah right. You’re telling me you’re friends with a guy that thinks puns are funny?” Jerad rolled his eyes, “Like this one, ‘don’t go bacon my heart’?”

“Jerad, give it back!” Virgil growled, his eyes shiny with righteous fury. It was one thing when Jerad teased him. It was another thing entirely for him to attack Patton. It didn’t matter the werewolf wasn’t there to hear it. It also didn’t matter he’d have no idea unless Virgil told him. Virgil’s vision still went red.

He hopped on top of the coffee-table, using the added height to make a better grab for the phone. Jerad leapt out of the way, finding the attempt amusing. They began a chase around the cramped apartment, no doubt causing a ruckus for their neighbors to hear. Jerad continued reading the texts in a mocking, shrill voice. It only drove Virgil angrier, making his reaches more frantic.

They had ended up on their apartment balcony when Jerad suddenly halted. Virgil almost ran into him, stopping just in the nick of time. All signs of teasing had left Jerad’s face. It was blank and it was honestly starting to frighten Virgil how he kept scrolling up the text conversation with a blank look on his face.

“Um,” Virgil began nervously, “Jerad, dude, you okay?”

“Are you planning on fucking leaving me without warning, like Robbie?” Jerad demanded.

Virgil took a step back, “What? No!”

“Then what are these texts?” Jerad demanded, before reading them out in a disgusted tone.

Hi Virgil! I noticed some new apartments going up a couple blocks away from the library. They look super cute! It’d only take you five minutes to walk to work!

I heard there was a shooting near your apartment last night, u ok?

Your landlord should really take care of that, it’s a safety hazard!

Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. Your roommate should be more considerate and not play his music so loudly.

Shit . Shit, shit, shit. He’d forgotten about those texts. Patton was unusually concerned about Virgil’s safety. Or at least, Virgil wasn’t used to other people caring for him in that capacity before. He’d been trying to encourage Virgil to find a better living situation for weeks now. Which was great, except Virgil couldn’t do it for a multitude of reasons.

Finding a new apartment would most likely involve finding a new roommate. As Virgil sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to afford an apartment by himself. He couldn’t move in with Remy because the vamp lived on campus. The werewolves’ house was also a no-go because Roman. And besides Jerad would be so upset after everything he’d done for Virgil.

Of course Jerad would come across those texts. Virgil was certain he must’ve broken a mirror or something to deserve this amount of bad luck.

“Dude, I swear it isn’t like that,” Virgil protested, “Patton, he’s just been concerned that--”

“Oh don’t give me that bullshit! Don’t you see what he’s trying to do?”

“W-what?”

“He’s manipulating you--duping you into thinking I’m the bad guy when I’ve been the one helping you longer than he has! I’ve let you skip rent a few times, let you use my couch, my TV and you’re really gonna listen to him? What has he or anyone else have done for you?”

“It isn’t--isn’t like that! Patton, he--he offers good advice, he’s just looking out for me! So is Remy. He helped me get a new job--”

“A new job?” Jerad asked, “why didn’t you tell me you had a new job?!”

Virgil just stared at him, stomach sinking. He told Jerad this weeks ago. It’d taken a lot to tell him, and Jerad, he hadn’t--he didn’t retain any of it?!

“Why do you care so much?” Virgil snapped, taking a step forward, “I’m still paying rent regardless of where I work or who I hang out with.”

“I’m just trying to look out for you, that’s all! Don’t you think it’s a little sketch that after you got a little new job, Virgin--”

“My name is VIRGIL,” He snarled, “and if you’re keep acting like a jerk about this, maybe I should just move out!”

Virgil wanted to rip Jerad into shreds and not just with words. Oh no, words weren’t enough. His fists itched for violence, to be red from his roommate’s blood. It scared him how close he was to murdering the 6’4 former quarterback. ‘He deserves it, ’  A little dark voice in his head whispered, ‘He belittled your friends.’

Worse yet, he shouldn’t have said those last words to Jerad. It’d been his third mistake.

He knew it by the way Jerad clenched his teeth, his eyes trailing towards the edge of the balcony. Jerad glanced back at Virgil’s phone and then back at the streets below. He took a step towards the balcony railing.

“No!” Virgil screeched, rushing forward. He snatched his phone away from Jerad right then and there. For a triumphant moment, he held most prized possession in his grasp once more. Then a hand clamped down on him, onto his wrist and he yelped in pain. Jerad. He tugged uselessly to free the grip with his other hand. It was no use. Jerad was so strong, and oh my god he was going to kill him, wasn’t he?

“Jerad, please!” He called out, but his roommate remained resolute in his fury.

He squeezed Virgil’s wrist tighter, attempting to force him to drop his phone. But Virgil refused to let it go, even as tears pricked his vision. It only angered Jerad further. He threw Virgil against the balcony railing. Virgil cried out as Jerad practically dangled him over it, towards the cement sidewalk a hundred feet below.

For one terrifying moment, Virgil thought he’d be sent airborne, flying rapidly downwards to meet a grisly death. It’d be so easy for Jerad to do that. He could get off scot-free, claim Virgil’s death was a suicide. The police would believe him. After all, Virgil was such a nobody that no one would care to look further into it.

With those thoughts swishing around in his brain, he let go of his phone. He watched it fall. Down, down, down until it made brutal impact with the ground like a rocket failing to launch. Jerad released his hold on Virgil. He fell, stomach plummeting as his arms waved wildly in the air. He swore he was falling to his death. Instead his back made impact with the floor of the apartment balcony.

Virgil didn’t stay there. He jumped up at once without sparing a second glance to Jerad. Heart in his throat, he fled the apartment. He ran out of the apartment building, his legs feeling like a pair of unstable Jenga towers; ready to topple at any moment. He kept on running though. He ran until he arrived at the smattered remains of his phone. He collapsed to the ground, hands reaching forward.  As he gathered the pieces into his hands, a pathetic wail escaped his lips.

Everything became one dizzying, gigantic blur after that. Virgil placed the broken phone pieces into his jeans pocket. He remembered that. He must’ve stood at one point, cradling his injured wrist with his other hand. He didn’t know when he started running. It just happened. He ran off, heading to a destination he himself wasn’t sure of.

Each breath felt like a struggle, his lungs straining to take in oxygen. The world looked like he stepped into a watercolor painting. Except it was a ruined painting, all the colors running together to create an ugly blobby mess of something meant to be beautiful.

One thought echoed in his mind on repeat.  He pushed to keep moving forward, to get as far away from Jerad as possible. He had to put distance between him and Jerad, because what if the ruined phone hadn’t quelled Jerad’s anger? What if he ran after Virgil and beat him to a pulp until he felt sated?

He knew he shouldn’t fear such things. Jerad was a jerk, but he wasn’t that bad. Even he wouldn’t dare resort to murder...right?

However in the midst of the moment, all of Virgil’s fears sounded like believable, feasible things. Even if Jerad didn’t chase after him, there was no way he could return to the apartment tonight, if ever. Even just to collect his meager belongings.  Oh god, he left not only his wallet but his hoodie behind in his panic. The hoodie was the last thing his parents had given him--the last thing he had of them.

He choked, almost running smack into a brick wall. He regained his balance halfway, stopping mere inches away. Why had he gotten so angry? Stupid, stupid. He shouldn’t have done that. It was his fault. Virgil could control his temper, whereas Jerad couldn’t help it. Now his phone was broken and he had nowhere to stay for the night. He had no money, no way of contacting the others.

He was going to end up sleeping in an alleyway. A cold, damp alleyway where muggers lurked and he was going to die. He couldn’t count on Patton popping up to save him a second time. He was so weak, so feeble and idiotic, maybe he deserved to die that way. Somewhere in the midst of these erupting volcanic thoughts, he ended up slouched against the brick wall.

Breathe. He needed to breath! But the air around him felt like sulfur poisoning his lungs. Black dots invaded his vision, his head feeling increasingly fuzzy. He was going to pass out. No, he couldn’t allow himself to do that.

He forced himself off the ground, fighting gravity to remain upright. He ran forward in blind panic. It didn’t matter what direction he went, all that mattered was that he kept moving forward. In his state, he could’ve easily ran into the street and got hit by a car. He did indeed run into something. Thankfully it was not a car. Still, the collision sent him reeling backwards, falling towards the cold, unforgiving concrete.

“Holy shit!” Someone cried out, their hand catching his bruised wrist last second to stop his plummet. Virgil hissed at once from the pain the touch brought.

“St-stay back!” Virgil said, stumbling back until he hit the brick wall of a building. Tears obscured his vision, turning the person into a distorted, twisted shadow being.

“Virgil, whoa hey. It’s me, it’s okay.” The stranger insisted, drawing closer. Virgil shook his head, taking up a defensive, curled fetal position. Jerad. It had to be. Virgil wasted too much time lingering in one spot and he paid the price.

“I’m sorry--I--I sorry, I shou-shou-shouldn’t--” He trembled, waiting for a blow that never came. Instead, they fell down beside him, giving him some space.

“Shhh, deep breaths,” They instructed, “One breath in at a time, okay? Can you do that?”

He tried, failing miserably, “N-no--I can’t--sorry--”

“Hey, hey, hey,”  The person hushed, “no more of that. You don't need to apologize. You’re okay, okay?”

“But--but I can’t--” Virgil stuttered, sobs scraping against his throat like jagged pieces of broken glass. No scratch that. It felt like the broken, sharp pieces of what once was his cellphone.

“Shit--hey, I’m gonna just--is this okay?”

An arm slung around his shoulder and Virgil tensed. He was waiting, expecting it to wrap around his throat to choke him to death. But it wasn’t a forceful, bullish grip like he expected. No, it was a light, tentative weight--loose enough for Virgil to escape if he needed to. Virgil sniffled, finally risking a look up. Knitted eyebrows behind dark shades met his gaze.

“Remy?” He whispered.

“Hey there, Virgil,” He smirked thinly, “it’s me, ya boi.”

Virgil kept staring with his mouth agape. It was Remy, it was really Remy and not...him. No way this was real. No way he actually ran into Remy in such a sprawling, densely populated city. Maybe he blacked out, Virgil thought as he started laughing. It was all too much. The pieces of his broken phone digging into his thigh, Jared, his accelerated heartbeat that threatened to send him to cardiac arrest. Everything. And now Remy? Remy is here? It was too much.

“Um, Virgil?” Remy frowned, “You still with me?”

Virgil didn’t respond, still wheezing with laughter. He wanted to sob. He wanted to scream. He wanted to keep on running without ever stopping. He didn’t do any of those things. He just sat there as he laughed, gasping for breath. It sounded weird to him; too high-pitched.

Was Virgil sure he was laughing? Maybe it was Remy. Maybe he decided Virgil no longer worth his time. He was pathetic, an anxiety-riddled loser who was going to die alone and forgotten. He didn’t deserve the kindness Remy offered him, he hadn’t done enough to pay it back.

A voice tried talking over the choked laughter. Their words came out stilted and hesitant. It couldn’t be Remy speaking. The vampire was too confident, self-assured in ways Virgil could never be. Virgil’s lungs burned, he noted distantly. They felt like a tiny microscopic arsonist climbed inside of them and set them on fire. Would microscopic firemen come to put it out?

He knew he had better things to worry about. LIke the possibility that he was in a coma and everything leading to this moment wasn’t real. Remy wasn’t a vampire, just a normal, human work acquaintance. Patton hadn’t saved him from the mugger. In fact, he was probably just a fabrication of Virgil’s mind. So were Roman and Logan. Yup, that had to be it. The mugger had actually shot him and Virgil was in a coma. He was lying unconscious in a hospital bed racking up hospital bills. God, maybe he should just stay unconscious. Have them pull the plug to his miserable existence.

But he didn’t really think hard about these things. Not when he was too busy thinking about microscopic cells wearing fireman hats.

Virgil’s vision went black. For a moment he thought he died, or at the very least went unconscious. It took his exhausted, panicked brain a hot second to realize he was squished against Remy’s black leather jacket.

The vampire had wrapped his other arm around Virgil, embracing in a full-on hug now. It should feel threatening, suffocating even for Virgil. But it was Remy , his heart cried out. Remy who liked the same music as Virgil. Remy who brought him Starbucks. Remy who encouraged Virgil to venture out of his comfort zones.

Even now, he held Virgil in a loose, relaxed grip. As if his aim wasn’t to restrain or throttle Virgil but to comfort.

Virgil didn’t trust like that. He took a deep breath--or well, he tried. It spluttered into a coughing fit. He mustered on with his plan. He pushed away, scrambling backwards from Remy. It hurt more than it should have to do it. He felt all warmth leave his body at once. Remy didn’t fight it. He didn’t pull Virgil back, yanking him back into the embrace. He let him go, simply watching him. Remy’s shades pushed up against his messy bangs, no longer covering his red eyes. Virgil squinted up at him. Huh. Had Remy’s eyes always been red? Virgil had never noticed before.

“Virgil--”

Remy didn’t finish. Because by the time he opened his mouth, Virgil already dove back into the vampire’s arms. He pressed his face into Remy’s chest, his whole body trembling as a low, strained whine emanated from him.

Remy, for his part, just hugged him back. No words, just tactile comfort. It was exactly what Virgil needed. His adrenaline fell away from him, like bathwater rapidly disappearing down the drain. His rapid, frenetic  thoughts halted to a slow, sluggish trickle. His limbs grew heavy, his grip on Remy’s black leather jacket slackening. He was going to lose consciousness soon, he drowsily realized. Weirdly enough, he wasn’t as afraid of that happening as before.

Remy whispered a question and Virgil nodded. He didn’t know exactly what Remy asked. It had something to do about if Virgil thought it was okay to do something. It didn’t matter what that was.

The words could’ve been anything and Virgil would’ve responded the same way. Because Remy was safe, he was good and most importantly, he wasn’t going to hurt Virgil. Not yet, anyways. With that reassurance, Virgil finally let go of his remaining frays of consciousness.

[imsorryaboutallthejack]

Theory time!

(I don't remember who made this title. Please, someone, let me know so I can credit them)(warning essay post)

Is no one gonna talk about how investing the personifications of Thomas’s sides have gotten? No talking about the expansion of the Sanders Sides’ as personas? 

I feel that they have been getting textured in a far more believable manner, namely Patton. We have learned of the character’s identity in regards to Morality and in being its embodiment, the strict and oppressive nature of it. 

Personally, I love the layering of doubt, stubbornness, and dejection going into the representation for them all.

Virgil and his past erasure, denying the essence of who he used to be and whom he used to affiliate with.

No one listening to Roman.

Also, can we all just accept that Deceit is dismissed way too easily by most of the sides? He suggests lying even once (always after someone else considered it) and everything else he says is lobbied out the window. (Yes I know he’s my favorite so I hAvE a BiAs)

I’m. So. Pumped! I have so many theories. 

You know what?  I’m about to get into it. Warning Long post!

FULL ESSAY MODE ENGAGING!

First: Let’s talk about the general character’s representations.

Within the realm of the series structure, we have learned about the weight of Thomas's opinions of his sides and their personifications. We’ve seen this with the Duke’s arrival, Marking him as the unwelcome side of Thomas’ creative thoughts. 

This representation style for the character Doubles as a ground for individual motivations as well as the metaphysical repercussions of a side’s role, mentally for Thomas. Much Like how Thomas questioning his own good natured-ness being a discussion by Deceit and Morality, but also “Patton” and “whatever Deceit’s name is”.

Which means that a Side might make a decision or an appearance-based upon either a character choice-- which tends to be personal, or their supposed position in the ’Thomasphere’. 

For example, Virgil is an anxious character who seeks to protect Thomas from poor decision making.  However he also compulsively brings up information that he is aware is troubling to Thomas. Because in that regard he cannot separate himself from the role he plays in Thomas’s mind. Virgil could also make decisions based squarely upon personal bias. Such as avoiding telling Thomas about the “others” despite Thomas asking directly. 

I mention this because Thomas’s general opinion regarding a set of traits dictates the representation of the characteristic when embodied. Take for example if Thomas looked more harshly on the idea of repressed thoughts. Morality’s character could have just as easily been called “Denial”. This still would have played into the character’s person being both stubborn, dismissive, and childish. A line like “where do babies come from?” despite being a dad could have been a reinforcement into the idea that Thomas couldn’t trust that voice in his head to be rational.  

This simple implication leads me to leave that due to Thomas’ view on selfishness, that he too was erasing the potential contributions to be offered by a character like Virgil at the beginning of the Series. If Thomas valued vigilance more, then Virgil would have been seen as something like ‘Caution’ or ‘practicality’. 

What I mean when I mention this is, Thomas is not an inherently reliable narrator, and thus the representations of characters framed by his opinion should be under scrutiny as well. We all can very easily see the value of a character like ‘Anxiety’ now that Thomas’s morality has taken the time to paint it in a positive light. 

But why his morality and not Character Thomas alone? Because these ‘sides’ are all facets of Thomas. So there must be a part of him that is making these decisions about himself rather than just him as a whole. That part, in my opinion, is Patton. 

Why does this distinction matter? Because the sides are also Characters. They have individual wants that--though they are not separate from Thomas, are separate from each other. They don’t inherently know each other’s names, they don’t know their memories, and they very specifically don’t know all they contribute. What they do know is how they interact with each other from their perspectives and experiences. 

Does it seem like Deceit and Morality disagree? Well of course they do. One relies on self-sacrifice and the dismissal of negative identities, the other can spot lies and dishonesty, and functions on self-preservation and self-honesty as a priority. Of course, they can’t mix. But, whose claim to power would affect the other the most? Tell me, which of these two do you believe would cast the other to a forgotten part of Thomas’s mind? The direct selfish one, or the repressive, abnegatious one? (i may have made up that conjugation) 

So by character and characterizations standpoint, there is reason to believe that the side with the most authority is Patton, Thomas’ Morality. This stands to reason why Thomas has spent the last few episodes questioning whether or not his ‘goodness’ is intact whenever he has to face off his own “banished” dispositions. Because if there is any part of Thomas that should dictate who he chooses to identify himself with, it is his Morality. (I believe)

It is for this reason that I have ‘Beef’ with the response Thomas has to Deceit, an entity who ‘by Patton’s own words ”acts with the one intention of self-preservation.” ( CLBG => 23:54) and Remus a literal stream of consciousness.  

With deceit, I think there is more to the character than a personification of being untruthful, but instead, there is the willingness to be untruthful and the recognized deceit in others. He knows when any character is misplacing the truth and urges them to honesty, as though it is fine for Thomas to lie as long as it's not to himself (though deceit himself doesn't follow that rule). Which Is why I find it telling that he appears after the ‘Moving on’ episode (if we dismiss the Christmas episode). Patton--Thomas’s morality and framing for the rest of his thoughts, was lying to himself, and by association, to Thomas.

Second: The Deceit Character response

(I separated this from the first bit because I get VERy lost in the sauce when I talk about my Snake son.)

I’m gonna start off talking about the internal perception of deceit from the characters. Then go into the personification of the sides Dark sides included. This will include timestamps to the Selfishness v. Selflessness Episode.

Let’s look at the beginning of the episode (3:53) "so I can't join in and give my honest opinion"

It’s bizarre that should Deceit directly say that Thomas wanted to go to the callback, the core sides would have said he was lying. This character has to LITERALLY disguise himself for anyone to listen to him. He then continues to go out of his way to show the rest of the group Evidence as to why Thomas felt this way. That seems to be what it takes for them to even think about it. 

He tries to be straight forward at (5:25) "do you want the part in the movie or not" no lies no tricks. But when Thomas won't answer, Roman does. Then this happens.

(6:26) "maybe Mary and Lee will understand" - Roman

(6:28) "Roman, this is their big day. We have to be there for them" - Patton

(6:32) "We don't have to do anything" - Deceit

What the literal Frick Patton? He can't even ask? Roman suggested a non Deceitful option for Thomas to make and you slapped it down. But now that Deceit suggested lying, Roman had to throw that whole decision out the window?

Also, you wanna hear toxic self-talk? "But what about us? What about us?" Think about if someone else said that.

"but what about me" "what about you?" That's horrible! You Fricken matter dude! Sure it's not ideal, but you weren't born to be a doormat for your friends.

There is a point where Patton’s opinion on Thomas’ friends exceeds even the suggestions of said friends. Apparently, Thomas is to throw away his chances at happiness for the sake of his friends’ without even knowing if that would make them happy. I can’t see how this is a fruitful way of thinking. 

Plus as an added bonus, there is as much disregard for Thomas’s say on the matter as his friends. Anything that doesn’t align with a perfectly selfless gesture is thrown out, outright. Even Thomas’ own decisions. 

(7:16) "you don't mean any of this" Patton that definitely doesn’t sound a little gaslighty. But to be fair, he acknowledged that much at the end.

Then a bit later, when Patton is telling Thomas how he feels. You could see that Deceit knows No one would believe him should he call mortality dishonest, though his character can literally tell. (7:21)

Ughhh I can't wait for this thread to be resolved. It is literally killing me.

I feel that this is more than enough reason to at least consider: Deceit is trying to be helpful. He is self-preservation, (though with more plots of deception) and serves a purpose in Thomas’ thoughts. Just. Like. Virgil.

Though Virge isn't exactly the best at fully accepting himself either. He didn't want to tell Thomas that he was a dark side and refuses to associate with his past. Though he knows he was doing it for a good reason. Isn't it telling that even when Virge is doing it for self-preservation reasons, he doesn't think Thomas will think it's ok? And who determines what Thomas thinks is ok?

(30:58) “If Thomas wanted to be seen as a good friend more than he wanted the role of a lifetime, well then I’m all for that. but I just don’t buy it.”  

He is instinctual and Thomas' views on self-preservation seem to be what makes Deceit unwelcome to the group in the first place. Like Remus. Like Virgil. How do we know Thomas’ views on things like self-preservation? His morality shouts it out.

(29:52)

"acting in your own Self Interest" - Deceit

"but that's wrong" - Patton

Only later do we find out in Intrusive thoughts that Patton’s repressive and strict nature can be potentially harmful to Thomas. Just as high expectations for one’s self can negatively skew one’s self-sense of worth and decency. This is something I get and absolutely value in Patton’s characterization. 

Morality in itself is a strictness with our thoughts, actions, and beliefs. To truly encourage good deeds there must be either a reward or a punishment. They can be small but the choice to obey must be an indispensable resource. For the sake of good deeds coming to action, It is necessary that Morality behaves this way. Granted that there are Checks and Balances for its authority. But again, there can be too much strictness, as Intrusive Thoughts portrays.

I feel that this is important to keep in mind for Deceit's personification. He has to exist in a way that still protects Thomas while under Patton's stronger ideals. So how must he guide Thomas? 

When he actually had to make Thomas say what he wanted himself, He asked about four times. And interestingly enough all he did was make Thomas be honest. It was at this point where I wished I could have gotten to hear what the scenario was for. Because I find it very telling that Deceit only hurt Thomas by making him be honest about his wants. Thomas looked so defeated. Not about wanting to lie about it. But about the actual truth spurring on the lie. Why did it hurt him to want to follow his dreams?

I feel that this representation of the character is more conducive to expressing Thomas’ unhealthy expectations for himself. 

This is terrible working conditions as a voice of self-gain to be heeded. How is anyone meant to look after Thomas when their intentions are so actively misinterpreted? Deceit works to make Thomas Happy and seems to be the only one doing so consistently (out of the only two and a half episodes he was in).

If there is anything more telling of this, it is the fact that Thomas “taking care of himself” went from Patton (Way Too Adult) to Roman(Growing up) to Logan(WDWGOoBiTM). No character has been able to sustainably take care of Thomas in this way despite their role in his life. Even Roman is willing to dash his dreams if met with enough opposition.

Thomas’ morality does not dictate his self-care or his general wants, neither does his logical side or Fanciful one, unfortunately. If they did, Deceit would not have to be the one making the rest of the aspects listen to Thomas’s Wants.

Roman is literally Thomas's ego. Hence why Deceit mainly shows up for him, both times. Deceit is internal maintenance while Patton is the external (intercommunication-al) maintenance, it would seem.

Finally: A Resolution

I think "Discovering Balance" would be a great addition to this series, by having Virgil and Deceit come to an understanding as much as Deceit and Patton.

Plus Deceit must have been in a similar position to Patton when Virgil was a dark side, encouraging him to keep Thomas alert, for Thomas' preservation. Seeing as the character also hold s the reins over Remus. But it's fairly important to note that Virgil's external worries come from logic and internal ones come from perceived moral failure. Such as ruining friendships. 

Which means Patton's inability to see the worst in people (even Thomas) and strong values would make a character like Virgil particularly susceptible to wanting to both protect and gain the favor of him. This might mean washing away his past, a thing he has yet to resolve. 

I have no doubt that Patton can come around to any of the dark sides. He’s been pretty open to understanding things, (if presented the way it is destructive to Thomas to avoid). But I think having Virgil lead him and Thomas through it, would be far more valuable. Thomas needs to learn to love himself and he can’t do that by hiding from difficult truths. I think a chance to have the dark sides accepted openly and directly would help put Thomas at ease with himself.

But again there needs to be balance. Thomas must keep his behaviors to others in mind, but also his own self-care. 

At the current state of things, The fact that he isn't allowed to seek out external opinions on his behaviors (like not talking to Lee and Mary Lee) is a sign that there isn't balance on this side either. And he's not seeking any reinforcement for his wants being VALID. That just won’t do.

He needs to talk to his friends. I can't stress this enough.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

P.S. I do love Patton, but I think it is irresponsible for the character not to acknowledge the pressure he’s putting Thomas under. He seems to be getting around to it, so I still love him. But that does not mean I have lost any love for my Snek boi.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

The Difference: Part 5

Pairings: Mark Sheppard x Reader

Warnings: None??? Swearing must likely…

Word Count: 2,433

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“OK, no matter how stressful today has been, and no matter how rotten the boys were acting today, I am so glad we are finally here.”

“Hey, (Y/N)… what are these?” You sighed loudly to yourself as you finished unpacking the boys suitcases into the dresser in your Beach Club Resort room on the first night of your boys’ birthday vacation.

“What are what?” You called back as you zipped the suitcase closed and carried it over the closet so it was out of the way.

“Would you just come and look?” You huffed and headed into the bathroom, where Mark was giving the boys a bath before bed.

“What am I looking at?”

“What are these dots?” He asked as he stood Luca up and turned him around so his back was to you. You crouched down beside your boyfriend and looked at the forming spots on his back.

“Oh shit…” You groaned as you reached out and picked up Evan to see the same spots on his arms and chest. “Chicken pox. Explains why they were unusually ornery today.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I got them when I was ten and remember the misery vividly.” You sighed as you sat down on the floor. “Shit, and that means we can’t fly home…”

“Wait, I’m missing something here. Why can’t we fly home?”

“It’s a contagious virus that could kill newborns, babies in utero, and people with shitty immune systems. Most airlines won’t let you fly until you get a clearance letter from a doctor…”

“So Disney is the last place in the world we want to be stuck in…”

“And yet here we are.” You said with a slow nod. 

“Damn, we came all the way down here to sit in a hotel room…”

“Yea, about that.” You said as you pulled your phone out of your pocket to warn your sister. “Maybe we should see what Disney’s policy is on refunding tickets and see if we can get to a cheaper hotel suite with a kitchen. And see how far a grocery store is because we have nothing for meals and we can’t bring them out there. We need to call insurance and see if there’s a pediatrician in our network here to come check the boys out. And the twins have them, too.”

“OK, so let’s just stop to think about this for a moment.” He said as he held Theo’s hands so he would stop splashing water on the floor and on you and himself. “We have five days worth of tickets that we can use at any time.”

“Right.”

“And we have a paid hotel room for the next week at least.”

“In a child infested hotel…”

“OK, well I highly doubt that it’s contagious through doors, love. And I’ve had chicken pox as well so the pair of us can come and go as needed to get what we need. And I know I have like 2 months of paid vacation time, and I have double that in sick pay, same as you, and I bet it’s the same with Ben and Emma. So we can stay an extra week…”

“Honey, we just bought a house…”

“And I have the money to cover months of mortgages. Have you forgotten I’ve worked my ass off for thirty years for the government and have only had to essentially support myself all those years. Pretty sure I’m still ‘boujee’ as your sister so eloquently puts it.”

“My sister is an idiot.”

“And I’m still boujee.”

“Oh, my God please stop saying that word!” You laughed as you flicked his arm.

“So we extend our vacation a bit.” He said as he grabbed a towel off the counter to start getting the boys ready for bed. “We deal with the pox for however long, and then we celebrate surviving the pox.”

“How are you always able to see the bright side of things?” You asked as you got up to open the connecting room door to see what your sister wanted.

“So mom says that we can’t leave the hotel room.” Emma said as she walked into your room and quickly bent down to grab Thomas, who wasn’t starting to resemble a dot to dot yet. “Whoa! Naked baby.”

“Well I knew that.” You said as you handed her a clean diaper and his pj’s.

“Yea, but what you didn’t know is that it could take the spotless one almost a month after he is exposed before he finally shows spots. Don’t give me that look, Chloe doesn’t have spots yet either. Just Lilly. Hey, new naked baby. Wanna step up and dress your kids?”

“You are doing a great job of it so far.” You teased as you handed her Luca’s diaper and pj’s next. “OK, so we need to get out of the Disney Resort as fast as we can so no one else gets infected except our spawns, and find like an Air B&B or a condo rental or something. No, you get over here.” You said as you lunged and grabbed Evan before he could hide under the bed in all his naked glory.

“Why do we need to leave Disney?” Ben called out from his room, where he was watching a movie with his girls before bed.

“She thinks we are gunna infect people through wood doors.” You scowled at your boyfriend as he came out of the bathroom behind Theo, but he simply shrugged.

“OK, let’s think about this rationally.” Emma said as she headed back into her room with Luca on her hip so that she could see all the adults at once. “First of all, we have, what, two kids with the pox?”

“Four.” Mark said as he stepped to the side and showed you and your sister Theo’s side, hip, and leg. “Theo, Luca, Evan, and Lilly.”

“So we need to keep them around Chloe and Thomas as much as possible to try to drown them with the pox so that they get it sooner.”

“This is gunna be so bad.” You sighed as you looked over at your sister. “Do you remember how bad ours were because we were together?”

“I don’t think it works like that.” Ben said as you looked down, and picked up Theo when he hit your legs to be held.

“Well one way or another, we know that, from here, we need to either find some place to go that has some sort of kitchen set up or we need to buy more coolers to get some food in here. We have the coffee pots to make hot water for pasta and we can do sandwiches.”

“There are restaurants and room service as well.” Mark pointed out as you rocked your second youngest back and forth in your arms.

“True… but if we count my sister and Ben and the twins out of the picture for a moment, that means three times a day, one of us is going to have to leave the room, go down to the restaurant, stand in line to order three meals, and drinks, and whatever else we need just for our family, and come back up here while the other one is left alone with four kids who are trying to itch and who are screaming because they are sick. Mark, you know how the boys act when they don’t feel well.”

“Pretty sure I still have the scars.” He said as he put Evan and Thomas up on the bed and turned on the TV for them. “But you’re right.”

“So let’s call down to the desk and see if they can maybe spare an extra mini fridge and see if they can point us in the direction of a Walmart or something of the like.” Emma said with a nod as she carried Luca into your room to lay him down with his brothers since he was already fast asleep. “Maybe see if they can work with us on helping us move our reservation to a condo or something to ride this out for a while until we can go home because I am not getting into a car for a fourteen hour drive with sick kids.”

“You wanna go on the grocery store run, or do you want me to?” You asked Mark as you continued to rock your little mama’s boy.

“I’ll go.” He said with a nod as he got up to find his wallet. “Just make me a list.” You nodded and headed over to grab the pad on the bedside table as Emma called down to the desk to see what the hotel was able to work out for you.

“So much for couponing the crap out of our snacks.” You grumbled as you sat down on the king sized bed.

“We’ll figure it all out, kitten. Just a little bump in the road.”

“Well happy birthday to the boys and happy anniversary to us.”

“Hey, don’t write that list yet!” Emma called up as she hung up the phone. “The guest services manager is coming up to talk to us in a few minutes.”

“What, you think they are gunna kick us out?”

“They can’t kick us out because the kids have chicken pox.” Mark said as you kept writing the list. “It’s medical discrimination and if they try it, I will sue Disney company for every cent I can get.”

“OK, you’re not suing Disney.” You said as you turned on the bed to look at him. “Although… we could pay off the house…”

“Write your list, greedy.” He chuckled as he moved Thomas up toward the pillows since he had fallen asleep, too. You smirked and continued writing until there was a knock on Emma’s door. Almost at the same moment, Evan turned and puked all down your leg and all over the bed. You paused as Mark quickly grabbed him and ran him to the bathroom before he could throw up again.

“Wow.” A woman breathed in the doorway between the two rooms as your twin grabbed some towels and ran to your aid.

“Get the boys.” You said as you took the towels while Evan started to scream cry in the bathroom.

“Hi, I’m Julie Gallagher. I’m the guest services manager here at Disney’s Beach Club Resort. Alright, well I will make this as quick as possible. Unfortunately, we do not have another fridge that we can give you. But, we do have a two bedroom villa that is available…”

“Oh, no. We’re not looking…”

“No, I know.” Julie said with a nod as she cut off your sister. “Look, I’m a mother, too. I just went through chicken pox with my eight year old a couple months ago and it was miserable. And I could not even begin to imagine not only doing that away from home but going through it when you have more than one child. So please, let me sprinkle a little pixie dust on the situation to make you and them a little more comfortable. It’s the least I can do.”

“But… the blanket…”

“It’s fine.” She giggled with a shake of her head. “I’ve seen so much worse. Now, I understand you intended to add time on to your stay with us?”

“That’s the intention.” Mark said as he came out of the bathroom with Evan in just a diaper in his arms. “Least a week so that we can actually enjoy the vacation we planned for their birthday.”

“Well, I can do my part by keeping the room rate for the villa low for you. I’ll simply credit the payment for this room to the villa for this week, and that room will be credited toward week two. It’ll take a little finagling, and I need to clear it by the day manager but between us, her kid is the one that gave mine chicken pox so she owes me one.”

“Well thank you so much.” You said with the strongest smile you could muster because the smell of vomit was making you want to puke, too. “We really, really appreciate it.”

“Of course.” She said with a nod as she turned and called someone forward with a simple gesture. “This is Robbie and Todd, they’re going to help you with your bags. You’ll be in rooms 258 and 260.   The bed set up is the same as these and has a spacious living room so you have more room for whatever bed set up you have for the kids. And as far as a grocery store, if you can get through tonight, I know Amazon and Walmart deliver but Garden Grocer and InstaCart are, by far, the best.”

“Looks like we get no escape from the pox.” Emma sighed.

“Alright, so I’ll get out of your hair so you can pack up whatever you need to. Don’t worry about the bed, I’ll have house keeping come up in a couple hours to take care of it. And I hope your trip gets a little more magical, and if you need anything, and I mean anything. Please, don’t hesitate to call.”

“Thank you.” She nodded at the four ‘thanks’ and headed out the door so you guys could pack up.

“Is there anything we can take over first?” Robbie asked as he stepped forward to see into your room as well. It took you and your sister a half second glance before both of you started to scramble into action and started listing off what you needed at rapid speed.

“OK, these suitcases and the car seats. We can put the boys in the strollers.”

“These two, these bathroom bags, and Ben’s briefcase.”

“Mark’s and mine, too. And these coolers can go, this bag of toddler beds can go.”

“These diaper bags…”

“Oh, these two diaper bags. And this backpack.”

“Alright, we’ll start with that.” The bellhop chuckled as he glanced between Ben and Mark for help.

“You get used to it.” Ben said without even looking away from the screen. “Just wait until they start switching languages.”

“Are you gunna help or what?” You asked as you looked over at your brother-in-law.

“Fine.” He sighed as he got off the bed and started grabbing the car seats because they were not gunna fit on the carts.

“Alright, come on, buddy. Let’s lay down for a bit while I help Uncle Ben.”

“I’ll start packing again.” You sighed as you headed over to the closet to get the suitcases for the boys clothes back out.

[whiskehorange]

Are you taking request? If so, can you do a one shot or hc of Doom Head falling for fs/o during the mist of 31 and fs/o actually winning the game.

You better fucking believe I can, Anon. Btw I’m going to be using quotes from his main dialogue from the movie, I’ve been dying to incorporate them into something!

Doom Head

Killing was his job, and no matter who it was or where. Some mysterious rich fold pay him to do a whole lot of scratch to do what he does, and unfortunately for you, he does real well

He watched down upon you and the other contestants from the main stage with Father Napoleon, Sister Dragon and Sister Serpent. He could tell by the way you rationalized and trudged on that you would be the one he was called in to handle. 31 was no laughing matter, and Doom Head was here for his well earned cash

Father Napoleon was a well known gambler, and the money set before him was no joke, a couple grand just to take you out; all placed on Doom Head. It was a pity however, he thought, you where a pretty one. It was a shame to have to end it

It was cutting close to the finale, with only about 2 hours left and 3 players left; You, and two siblings that were scared shitless to do anything else but cower in a corner together. After about an hour, they were eliminated, of course. Doom Head saw their fate coming, he knew damn well you were his competition after all

His ritual of getting ready was done, and his newest suit was on, and he was ready for the show with only an hour left. After this, he got his money and got to leave, at least until they called him again next event

From watching you struggle and fight, he didn’t think you’d be the easiest, and actually respected the way you played the game fair. He didn’t know how someone could ever play 31 fair, but you managed to. He didn’t see many of you out of all of his years being employed to Father Napoleon, but you. You where certainly something

In the back of his mind, thought of your attractiveness were pushed far behind. He had seen a lot of attractive girls go through this game, but never let that get in the way of his job, but this was different. You had power and spite filled to the brim inside of you. This was going to be one hell of a fight

Psycho-Head and Schizo-Head had gotten you position and tied to the chair as according to plan, now just waiting for Doom Head to arrive. Doom Head knew everyone there envied the way that the Head of House bet on him repeatedly, but it was well deserved. He had never let anyone win

His nose and mouth plastered with his own blood and face paint, he stepped through the door on cue. Only 45 minutes left to end your life and walk out

“Gentleman, take the rest of the night off,” he spit blood in a splatter onto the floor at his feet, “I’ll handle it from here”

“Murder school, is now in session,” his face now smeared with the blood and dried white paint

As the Psycho Heads left, Doom Head made his way to you, keeping track of his time: 40 minutes left

You, bound to the chair, were helpless, just how he needed you. It was a guaranteed win, but he couldn’t let you win with 40 minutes left, he just had to drag out his time

“Hello. They call me Doom Head. Now, I don’t call myself Doom Head, mind you, but they do.” He couldn’t help but notice your calmness in this situation. Little did he know the feelings pushed into the back of his mind slowly rising

35 minutes left

“Let’s get one thing between us straight. I ain’t no fucking clown. Now Mr. P.T. Barnum may claim clowns are the pegs on which this circus is hung… But I ain’t no fucking clown. Now you may think you see a grease-painted performer sitting before you who would usually elicit an amused response from an audience, but trust me. You do not. I’m not here to make you happy. I’m not here to brighten your dismal day and I am certainly not here to elicit an amused response. I am here to end your miserable fucking life.”

You sat still, a glare of pure contempt on your face, a small grin forming. You knew how much time you had, and you knew what he was doing; dragging it out, and you were keeping the time

30 minutes left

“Did you know that a cockroach can live up to 170 hours without a head? I find this… fascinating. But what really blows my fucking marbles like a 50-cent skank, I mean the real mind-fucker, is that for several more hours this same decapitated head will keep on truckin’ for Jesus. If properly nourished, of course-”

“Actually, it’s 168,” you dared. You had played this game long enough, and now it was time for a few critiques

You couldn’t help but feel the same pity feelings that he had for you, the feeling to just let the time tick down and both get out. It was something that Doom Head thought about regularly, but the cash was much greater, so he pushed through. He admired your corrections however, as the feelings crept their way forward

He grinned and gently stroked your face. He didn’t realized he did it, but he did it out of pity for you being stuck there and out of pity for you daring to correct him. Time was ticking down, and he had to the choice of letting you win or killing you setting on his tongue for the first time

7 minutes left

His dialogue drawn out and finished, he didn’t have much time to spend on thinking. It was either act it out and ‘let’ you win accidentally, or crack his axe through your chest right here and right now and just keep his record of ending someone 6 seconds before the timer going off

But he made his decision. At least, his feelings did

3 minutes left

You knew what he was playing, and knew he was going to end it to make his mark. You had given up

2 minutes left

He had made up his mind, and he knew how he had to end this. Father Napoleon would be sitting upright in his chair now, waiting for a new record of maybe 4 or 5 seconds before the bell went off, declaring the end of 31

1 minute left

Doom Head reached for the axe, apologizing for not sharping it, so it might take a couple of extra whacks

He cocked his axe, 

10 seconds

“You know what they say, Kemosabe, in hell, everybody loves popcorn-”

“Weapons down. Weapons down. 31 has come to an end”

You both grinned. Doom Head never went back on his decisions, and you out of utter disbelief. You saw the look in his eyes, something that you didn’t see when you first saw him 30 minutes ago; pure pity

“You won, little lady,” Doom Head cooed, dropping his axe back into the ground at his feet, turning, and walking off…

But he wasn’t done with you just yet

“Thank you for another exciting year of 31.”

[justowrite]

Late Night Stories(5)

genre(s): fluff

summary:  “Why do you like Baz?”  I think of every reason there is to be with someone like Baz. Everything to his looks, to his fucking brilliant brain, to even money, to the way he seems to be loyal to his heart

words: 1250

warnings: cursing

a/n:  there’s no valid excuse for disappearing for a week or that this is so short, and this one is more set up than anything....anyway I hope you enjoy this and thanks for reading!! :D

AO3

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 6

***

I ignore the fact that he is eating cereal again, but it makes more sense since it’s actually morning and not 2 am. You should tell Wellbelove I am not going. I frown.

To what??? I take a picture of my own cereal.

She didn’t tell you? His table is one of those longs tables in haunted mansions(which I can only imagine his house is like), I noticed that he is alone. But it doesn’t surprise me since I am having breakfast alone too.

“Finally woke up?” I look up from my phone to find Agatha walking to the fridge. The air instantly gets tenser. It’s been two days and she is ignoring me more than before, and when she doesn’t ignore she makes snarky comments that make me think she is imitating Baz. But in all honesty, it feels genuine, less charming almost as if Baz was doing it. “I figure it was best not to wake you up, you seem tire lately. You’ve losing sleep?” I almost heard the Snow at the end of the sentence.

“You invited Baz to what?” She freezes and the grip around the juice box tighten.

“How do you-?”

I cut her. “He told me.”

“Why would he do that?” I open my mouth to respond but I realize I don’t have an answer to that. “Simon you got to stop with this.” I stare at her confused.

“With what?”

She closes the fridge’s door and gets a glass of the juice. “You know you are a terrible liar.”

I know I am but… “I am not lying Agatha, I am just…” What am I even trying to do?

Agatha drinks a sip of her juice and sighs as if she was tired of this conversation. “My parents have an event with their friends, so I am having some friends for a Christmas Eve. Normal friends. I invited Baz.” I open my mouth to respond but why try? She will not believe me. “I knew you would make a scene of it.”

And I answer before I can’t think of what I am saying. “Why do you like Baz?”  I think of every reason there is to be with someone like Baz. Everything to his looks, to his fucking brilliant brain, to even money, to the way he seems to be loyal to his heart(although I am not quite sure she knows that). But instead she opens her mouth, and nothing comes out.

***

The forest looks different in the morning, out of place. Like a scenery from a Tim Burton movie appeared in Looking for Nemo. Just like talking to Baz while the sun still outside instead of the moon. Why would I go? I already told you I have no interested in Agatha, or do you want me to say it more clearly? I am gay Snow. My heart drops. I stare at my phone, until more rational thoughts come into my head. Or at least to write an answer.

I take a picture of the T.V. I didn’t know you were gay…

How come that doesn’t surprise me? It’s a mirror picture. Baz took a mirror selfie. I don’t even care he insulted me, from all the things I’ve seen or ever thought I would see in my life time nothing was close of Baz Pitch taking a mirror selfie.  It’s a full-length mirror. He is on his bathroom, it’s bigger than ours at Watford(just as cleaner though, maybe even more since he doesn’t share it with me).

He seems like he just got out of the shower, his hair is wet and there are drips of water falling off his neck probably to disappear under his shirt. He has on a black shirt that says ‘I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I am asleep.’ Which if someone asked to me to verify, I 100% would say it’s true.  Then he had a pair of dark blue jeans that hang lazily around his hips, showing just slightly the band of his boxers. I realize I was containing my breath until I reach his bare feet.

I lay on the couch, ignoring whatever is on the T.V. and take a picture of the ceiling. You wear jeans???

What did you expect me to wear? A suit? Well…kinda…

I don’t know, it’s not like I imagine how you spend your time at home Well…kinda… Anyway don’t change the topic, you should come

First of all, I don’t have a reason to go. Second, why do you care? And third of all, you were the one that changed the topic Simon. He brushed back his hair in the second picture, he has the same expression though, eyes rolling.

I imitate his expression and take a picture. Agatha won’t believe me that you don’t want to come. Or anything about you really. She thinks I just want to get back with her. Ps: you called me simon again. ps2: you hair looks better without gel

And that’s my problem why? Ps: that’s your name, you prefer snow? Ps2: I didn’t ask. It’s normal selfie now. I feel almost…disappointed for some reason.

I stick my tongue out for the selfie. I thought maybe if she sees that you are not interested maybe she’ll stop liking you(I don’t know why she likes you anyway). Ps: why is it so hard for you?? ps2: i was just saying, you look less evil

You are really making me want to go Snow, really don’t compliment me so much. He is looking to the side and showing me his middle finger. I growl in frustration.

I decide to show him that and take video replicating my last action. I meant that she doesn’t have an actual reason, we were friends she knew me before dating but with you, she barely knows anything about you I haven’t told her :P And I was saying you look good with your hair without gel, don’t be dramatic baz

His video is of him rising his eyebrow in doubt. :P? Really? Are we in 2011?

Don’t change the topic :PPPPPPP I send another sticking my tongue out selfie to match the emoji.

You problems with Wellbelove do not involve me, therefore, I do not care ._. He also goes back to basics and only rolls his eyes, with the difference that he was mid going through his hair with his fingers. From this close, I can see how well his muscles are marked(which is more than I imagined they did).

It’s not only that I send fast not really knowing how to bloody convince him to come.

Then what is it?

Agatha’s friends don’t like me, or my magic actually, and Penny can’t come…

It’s a video of him sighing and looking down. He looks frustrated. And you want me, your worst enemy to spend time with you at a party?

You are not the worst, I’ve never made a list but I mean…this few days have been rather informative don’t you think? You are not as bad… I decide last minute to send another, in an attempt to convince him, I’ll owe you one if you come

I am shocked to open the snap and hear his voice. “Okay, I’ll go,” I feel myself smile and wave of relieve but it gets interrupted as he keeps talking. “But you do own me one Simon.” My name sounds…different on his lips. I let the message loop again. Simon. I like it.

[russian-dumpling]

I've had many such moments throughout the trilogy. I'll just describe a few more memorable ones.

ME1

Prologue. Just remember this atmosphere. The opening credits. Shepard walking on a ship. Phrases on the ship's communication about the readiness to jump through mass relay. A view of the crew and the ship from over the shoulder of the main protagonist. All this under the absolutely stunning composition "Mass Effect Theme" by the incredible composer Jack Wall. And in the first two minutes of the game, you know it's going to be something you haven't experienced before. Something big and epic. A great journey that will forever take a certain place in your life.

Virmire. The mission on this planet caused a whole flurry of conflicting emotions in me. The choice between Ashley and Kaidan will forever be the most painful in the entire video game industry for me. There are several reasons for this. I have a special relationship with the army and the military, so I always took the Mass Effect very seriously. That is, the Charter, the rules, the chain of command for me were not something insignificant. For this reason, after I chose Kaidan, who was my Shepard's love interest, I tormented myself for several days. It wasn't that I wasn't sure if my Shepard had made the right choice. I love Ashley with all my heart, she and Kaidan are my favorite squad members in ME1. But I can list at least 5 reasons why Kaidan is a more rational choice than Ash. And all these reasons have nothing to do with the fact that he is a LI.

All my heartache was that I wasn't sure what my Shepard would have done if Ashley had planted the bomb (bomb was the priority) instead of Kaidan (in my playthrough, it was always Alenko, because he's a tech). At such moments, you understand what the rules of fraternization are for. And I can't say that in my playthrough, the commander and lieutenant's love affair didn't affect Shepard's choice in any way. In any case, only one of them could be saved, and there is no right choice. There is just a choice and its consequences. And how you'll live with that choice.

The Sovereign’s speech (and all subsequent encounters with him). The first time I heard that voice on Virmire, my hair stood on end. This synthetic monotone speech hammers into your head that you are just a tiny grain of sand and your life is worthless. Before ME, I had never experienced such a felling of insignificance in front of something huge and unknown, and undoubtedly very dangerous. I think the Reapers are one of the best antagonists in the video game industry. The sounds made by the Reapers still give me goosebumps, I admire these huge creatures. Admire and fear at the same time.

ME2

Intro. Just no comment. I'll only say that I screamed just like that gopher from the famous meme.

Maelon and his research. Here I just have to bow low to Drew Karpyshyn for all those times when I just didn't know which side to take in a particular situation. Moral gray area, this is what I love immensely in movies/games/books/fanfiction.

Maelon's experiments go against medical ethics and the principles of humanism, his methods can’t be justified from the point of view of morality. However, the data obtained as a result of these cruel experiments may help to heal the Genophage and create a future for the Krogan. Here everyone acts in accordance with his own moral compass.

ME3

The whole game. Seriously, Earth, Mars, Citadel, Tuchanka, Rannoch, and so on. Almost every mission in this game has left a big mark on my soul (with the exception of the ending, perhaps). But the Prologue made the biggest impression on me. When we are forced to literally flee from our home world, leaving the burning Earth to be torn apart by the Reapers. When there is panic and shouting around, the ground shakes with the roar of these giant machines; corpses and husks all around.

And Kaidan, who is looking at his hometown, which is dying in fire and blood. Kaidan, who has a family and a home somewhere out there in the middle of this nightmare. Kaidan, who would give anything to jump off and go looking for his family, but he's a soldier, he has a duty. And mission first. And all this nightmare under the absolutely stunning and heartbreaking composition “Leaving Earth” by Clint Mansell. I can still see the scene: burning wreckage falling to the Earth, the final notes, and "Mass Effect 3" in big letters. This game has the most emotional, powerful and tragic intro of all video games.

There are still many moments and topics raised in this game that made me fall in love with this Universe. For example, the conflict between the Geth and the Quarians, the appropriateness of the Genophage, PTSD and survivor's guilt, the ethics of Cerberus, war and civilians, and much more. However, I have already written a very long post. I can't describe in words all my love for ME Trilogy, It was never just a video game for me. I can only thank @omegastation for the opportunity to express my deep gratitude and appreciation to the creators of this Universe

For Trilogy Appreciation Week: when did you get this "oh" moment when you realized Mass Effect was no longer just a cool video game franchise but THE franchise with games that make you feel All The Feels?

I have a specific moment while playing for the first time in mind but it might have happened after your first playthrough, who knows? Let me know!

[fatgirlsguidetodating]

Blog: Toxic relationships.

I've come to the point in my life that despite the fact I desperately want a partner and to have a kid that I can say to myself that I'd rather be single than be with someone who doesn't love and value me. Over the years I have seen far too many of my friends in toxic relationships, places where they weren't happy but they stayed. I watched as they often started to lose themselves and made the other person's happiness their only priority. As they put up with bullshit because they thought the pain that the toxic relationship brought them was better than the pain of losing and letting go of the person that they loved so much. Some because their culture saw other things as more important than love and happiness, some because they thought they could do no better, some because they had a kid with them and some because they loved that person so much they'd forgive anything and everything and as a result were stuck in that cycle. I've had many an argument with people over the years who say if they weren't happy they'd leave but they don't understand sometimes there's that almost battered woman syndrome affect where they just *can't* walk away. I've never been a victim of BWS but a forensic psych unit at uni really made me think and see that "just walk away" isn't that simple. And toxic relationships- some where there's no abuse as such, some where there's physical abuse, some where there's mental abuse, and some where there's a mixture- have that same cyclic response. As a friend I truly think it's one of the worst things to see someone you care about in these types of toxic relationship. You want to support them but at the same time you want to shake them and say wtf mate, you deserve so much more! So what is a toxic relationship really? How do you know if you're in one? Why do they stay? By definition, a toxic relationship is a "relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner...a toxic relationship is not a safe place. [In essence] it [a toxic relationship] is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. [One where by staying] we risk our very being. These [toxic] relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being." (1) How do you know if your relationship is one of these toxic ones? Well there are red flags, signs that many chose to ignore because of the cyclic nature of these relationships (more on this later including those which are abusive). Such as criticism. Not the criticism that comes from a positive place that's to help the person or relationship but more so that used to express contempt or disdain where it makes the other person feel so unvalued, unloved and worthless. There's also arguing without communicating. By that I mean over and above the normal arguments that any relationship will have, where it's more about yelling over one another and no real communication and therefore nothing is solved. Or when you avoid your partner all the time because the energy when together is completely negative. Also when you are no longer yourself. Yes you will change within a relationship, that's a given, but there's a difference when the change is bigger. (2) Something also like a constant struggle for power. Suzanne Lachman, Phd, suggests imagining your relationship as a seesaw. "If both partners understand their power (or are empowered), the seesaw stays relatively level and balanced...But if one person in the relationship has brought in a feeling of powerlessness, [they] may try to compensate by baring down on the seesaw, shifting [their] weight, and perpetually uprooting, destabilizing, or ungrounding [their] partner on the other side.” (3) And also jealousy where your partner wants you all to his/herself, so much so that you barely see friends or family because they monopolise your time. In extreme cases this also includes where they may stop you from going out with say single friends or drinking. There are also behaviours that are toxic that most people would think of as normal within a relationship. The problem here however is that, in part, many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. As Mark Manson puts it "we worship romantic love — you know, that dizzying and irrational romantic love that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities." (4) In his article he lists the 6 behaviours that psychological research has shown are actually toxic rather than just part of the usual ebb and flow of a relationship. These include keeping score (you know the whole well you got drunk at my 21st and I had to spend the night looking after you despite it being my big night so I got revenge by flirting with my hot work colleague), excessively passive aggressive behaviour (finding small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you can feel like being mad at them is totally justified), blaming your partner for your own emotions (you had a shitty day at uni but when you wanted that sympathy and support he was busy playing call of duty or busy with work) or buying solutions to problems (a holiday will solve everything right?). Despite this these relationships aren't necessarily hopeless but if they are going to work they need a lot of hard work to be changed into a healthy relationship. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it. (1) One reason that seems pretty common for why people stay in a toxic relationship where they are unhappy more than they are happy is cultural reasons. Culture, tradition and religion are often bedfellows in emphasising that a marriage should be for keeps which is at odds with the way the law views marriage, which is more as a contract that, if breached, provides remedies such as divorce. (5) I was talking to a guy online, I think it was "Tagged" and he told me he was married. I wasn't shocked. I mean half of tinder seems to be made up of married men and it's just as prevalent on other dating sites or apps. (Take me and Married Guy for instance.) But rather than abuse him or just delete him or ghost him I asked him why he was looking for sex online if married? He was an Indian man and he told me that the marriage was great at first, they had two kids together, but, as time went by she stopped wanting to have sex with him so he was looking for that online. I said so why not leave? He said it was his culture that they stayed. And that he loved her and they were close and happy. Just not intimate. To tell the truth that could all have been a load of bullshit, I've had my fair share of poor me my wife has no time for me/my wife is away for work a lot/my wife's no longer into sex and even one guy who claimed his wife physically couldn't have sex with him anymore but because she had a major psychiatric illness he didn't want to leave her because she would hurt herself or kill herself. (Needless to say I blocked him pretty damn quick.) I've spoken briefly about a friend who stays with her partner because he's a good provider, not because she's in love with him anymore. They do have periods in the relationship where things are happy and harmonious enough though she doesn't talk about ever being intimate (except the 3 times she was pregnant when clearly they did the deed) and by the same token I rarely- if ever- hear her talk about loving him. I know she used to talk about it- they were about 22/23 when they first met and he was her first everything. Back then she couldn't get enough of him. Now the way she talks about him is in a detached manner. And it's usually more bitching about him. He even tells her if she leaves he will get everything including the kids (unlikely), or her own mother tells her that she'd be selfish to leave because the kids get supported better within the marriage, or her own sister says she'd be on her husbands side if they broke up. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life- what could equate to another 40 plus years- with a man whom she refers to only as "[my] husband" and never talks about him with any kind of love, romance or heck even traces of feelings just because he works hard and provides luxuries for them! Probably the most common reason I see and hear for people staying in toxic relationships is they genuinely believe that they either couldn't do any better or they would be alone forever if they walked away. Whilst they might know intellectually that nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve their emotions leave them conflicted. Underneath all of these rationalizations is a deep seated fear of being alone. Think back to your childhood. We’re you given many- or even any- examples of how to be alone on tv, movies, books, or the internet? Instead the chances are it was about how to make it work with your partner rather than to walk away and be happy alone until you found the right partner. Sure there’s nothing wrong with looking for love but very few people know how to be alone and happy. Too often the pleasure they find in a relationship is the release of not being by themselves in the world rather than love with their partner. (6) As Terry Gaspard wrote “too often I hear [people] who are coupled up rationalise while they are still in a relationship when...they shouldn’t be [saying] things like ‘I know my relationship isn’t perfect, but at least he doesn’t yell at me’ or ‘he is a really good dad.’...[things like that remind me] that breaking up with someone is an act of courage.” (6) Sometimes it's the partner who has put these thoughts in their head either with subconscious actions or conscious words, but often it's the person's own insecurities at play too. Or perhaps there's still a part of them that doesn't want to believe you can do better? (7) It's even been suggested that these people just don't *want* to find someone better, an argument that's attracted a fair bit of detractors. There was even a book written by Dr Henry Cloud saying that, essentially, there are plenty of people out there if you really wanted to. Carolyn Kauffman, who has a doctorate in psychology, finds this annoying. As she wrote this is giving out the implicit message that they just need to try harder. (8) I have a couple of friends like this. In truth I have to admit I belong here too. After all I accepted a fuck buddy relationship with J1 and Married Guy because I thought that something was better than nothing. And I thought to myself well hey at least they actually *want* me unlike most of the male population. I didn’t allow myself to think too hard about the fact that I was allowing the idea that I was fuckable but not dateable. Another guy I know, D, has offered me a fuck buddy relationship too but I haven’t taken him up on that offer because I’ve decided that I have to stop settling for less than I really want. How can I expect men to see me as being worth more than just causal sex if even I don’t think I am? In my case my insecurity is mainly related to my weight, but it also goes back to my teenage years and the damage the relationship with the man I lost my virginity to did to me and my psyche. Two of my friends are in situations where I do believe they stay with a partner or return to him over and over because they think they can’t do any better. In one case she’s overweight too so perhaps she thinks like I do- or did-, in the other case she may have a couple extra kilos on board but she’s definitely not what I would consider fat- though her husband often tells her that she’s a whale! (He’s a charmer that one!) In both cases I haven’t ever really asked them why they stay or go back to someone with whom they weren’t exactly happy and who show them no love or affection and barely even sleep near them let alone have sex with them. One of them admits she can’t even remember they slept in the same bed let alone had sex. This is because he often falls asleep on the pull out bed playing xbox (or PlayStation or wii or whatever the f game console all the cool kids are using these days), in the other case he often sleeps in another room because he snores, but to me they kind of seem like excuses not to share a bed with the woman they are in a relationship or married to. A third friend is kind of a combination of a few examples- she thinks she cannot do better as a bigger person and thus puts up with her partner cheating on her and even hitting her. (I’ll look more at cases of physical abuse in a follow up blog post.) Interestingly both have said to me at various times if they found themselves single again they wouldn’t bother looking for a new relationship anywhere, that they’d just be happy enough as is, with their kids. And kids, it seems, is the third most common reason why people stay in relationships they aren’t happy in. They think it’s the right thing to do to give the children that perfect nuclear family. A former friend of mine had lost her older children so when she had another child with her new partner she went on and on about making memories and giving [the child] the “perfect childhood.” She was overcompensating and I’m sure she knew it- especially when the kid was spoilt rotten! Another person I knew stayed with his wife for something like 4 years “for the kids.” They didn’t sleep in the same room, were barely home at the same time, didn’t even really speak when they were home at the same time and never showed the other affection. One of the kids even picked up on it asking her dad why he never hugged mummy like her friends daddy’s did. But is a relationship where mum and dad barely speak, unless it’s to argue, show no affection to one another and the energy in the house is always so thick with negativity better than being in a situation where they may have two homes but they also have a mum and dad who are actually happy? According to child psychologist Kimberley O’Brien the answer to that is a big no. And that parents pretending to their kids that the relationship is fine are fooling themselves. “Kids are really sensitive to changes to things like voice tone and parents’ stress levels”, she says. (9) Yes there are many benefits to children having a mum and dad together- such as the children are less likely to divorce when older or are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviour or get pregnant early- but if a relationship isn’t working then staying just for the kids is when problems arise. (10) Because there is a bigger impact on the children in these cases than you realise. For instance the kids pick up on a lot more than adults realise (like the friend I mentioned who asked her dad why he never hugged her mum), and ultimately two happy seperate parents are better than two together yet miserable parents. (11) The final reason I see for people staying in toxic relationships that are way past their use by date is purely that they love that person more than anything and forgive them anything and everything and as such the partner knows what he or she can get away with and thus the cycle of this toxic relationship continues over and over and over and it’s damn hard to break. But it *can* be done. As mentioned up above with time and hard work it can be fixed provided both parties are willing. Madeline Fugere, Ph.D, names some of the most common reasons why we may stay in relationships that whilst not abusive are still toxic and not great for us. 1) We can be satisfied with an unsatisfactory relationships. Perhaps it’s because we have low self esteem, thinking ourselves unattractive, or that they simply have low standards from what they expect to receive in a relationship. 2) A shift in priorities. We tend to see our romantic partners positively but sometimes that is unrealistic. What this means is that effectively we view characteristics that our partners have as more important and more valued than other characteristics. Like a generous partner may make up for a partner not being thoughtful? 3) Low quality alternatives. If you perceive alternatives- like being alone or in another relationship- as lower-quality alternatives, you are more likely to stay, even in an unsatisfying relationship. 4) Manipulation. If your partner is aware that you want to leave the relationship, he or she may use different methods of manipulation to force you to stay such as emotional manipulation like belittling, demeaning or even threats of violence against you or a future partner. The distress associated with emotional abuse or the physical implications of intimate partner violence are strong enough deterrents to those seeking to leave a relationship that women who are psychologically distressed may not feel like they even have the ability to leave the relationship. 5) Investment. When you have long-term investments with a partner such as a business, a mortgage, an investment property or children it can be harder to leave. And, last but by no means least in my humble opinion is 6) Love. Psychologists distinguish among three different components of attitudes- the cognitive component or thoughts, the affective component or feelings and the behavioural component or actions. And even though these components may not be aligned with each other, such as your thoughts being negative but your feelings positive. We may continue to love our partners, even though we consciously recognize that we are involved in bad relationships. (12) Psychologists have developed something they have dubbed the “interdependence theory”, which is essentially the science of relationships. The theory states that, in essence, each partner will evaluate “[their] personal satisfaction with the relationship by assessing costs and benefits...[and as long as the] perceived benefits [will] outweigh perceived costs [they] are happy with [their] relationship.” (13) We use pros and cons list for many things these days- do we move, get a new job, go on holiday, get a new car, etc- so why not with relationships too? Relationship satisfaction relies heavily on the following three things: * They’ve already invested heavily in it, giving them the sense that the relationship must have some value. * They see no viable alternatives that are better than the current relationship. * They currently feel satisfied with the relationship. In a recent article psychologist Levi Baker et al gave some insight that might help explain why people stay in an unhappy toxic relationship and continue that cycle over and over. They note that even the best relationship is bound to have rough patches. Career changes, illness of a family member or even the birth of a child can bring new stressors into a relationship which will significantly reduce relationship satisfaction for both partners. But they remain committed because this commitment isn’t “based on a current level of satisfaction with the relationship...[but rather] it depends on the past as expected relationship satisfaction in the future.” (13) In practice what this means is that your current level of satisfaction doesn’t signal commitment. Instead it shows whether there are problems with the relationship that need addressing. Any dissatisfied feeling tells you to put more work into your relationship. In fact, says David Ludden Ph.D, “ just doing something to improve your relationship, such as devoting more time to your [partner] or seeking couple's therapy, can boost your expectation for a happier marriage in the future, thus bolstering your commitment to work things out.” But when people can’t envision an alternative that’s better than the unhappy arrangement they’re in, they may stay and try to make the best of a bad situation. These couples find ways to mitigate the strife in their marriage, ending up as housemates rather than soulmates. They may derive little happiness from their relationship, but they don’t expect it, either. And some, perhaps many, still find sufficient happiness from friendships or other activities in their lives. (13) Fatgirl. NB: as this blog post was so big I’m going to do a separate one about BWS (and emotional abuse). How can you tell if they (or perhaps even yourself) are in one of these? How do you support a friend when you know- or at least feel- that what they are doing isn't the right thing for them? And, furthermore, what do you do when the toxic relationship turns violent or there is mental abuse in play? Sources: 1.) http://www.healthscopemag.com/health-scope/toxic-relationships/ 2.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.elitedaily.com/dating/13-signs-youre-toxic-relationship-ruining-life/966801/amp 3.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.rd.com/advice/relationships/toxic-relationships/amp/ 4.) https://markmanson.net/toxic-relationship-habits 5.) http://www.herald.co.zw/divorce-clash-of-culture-tradition/ 6.) https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4777120 7.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.theodysseyonline.com/why-you-cant-seem-find-someone-better-then-your-horrible-boyfriend.amp 8.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychology-writers/201304/why-finding-life-partner-isn-t-simple%3famp 9.) http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-19/should-parents-stay-in-a-relationship-for-the-kids/8412350 10.) https://www.liveabout.com/reasons-to-stay-together-for-the-sake-of-the-children-1102599 11.) https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6055010 12.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dating-and-mating/201705/6-reasons-why-we-stay-in-bad-relationships%3famp 13.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201705/why-so-many-unhappy-couples-stay-together%3famp

[easyfoodnetwork]

Food-Adjacent TV to Stream This Weekend, According to Eater Staff

Actor Sandra Oh, wearing a black chef beanie and a white t-shirt, talks on an iPhone outside a restaurant kitchen. | BBC America

“Killing Eve,” reality TV favorites, classic sitcoms, and more

We at Eater spend a lot of time thinking about food, so when it appears on our TV screen, we take special interest. If you’re looking to stream some non-food TV that happens to be — at least tangentially — about food this weekend, here’s what we recommend.

Terrace House: Tokyo, Episode 11 (available to stream on Netflix)

Terrace House, the Japanese version of The Real World, has had a long history of food-related misdemeanors and crimes, but the most recent one entails broccoli, pasta water, and egg. Ruka, one of the housemates of the Tokyo house, is a complete enigma of a human being and maybe the most naive person to ever grace Terrace House (or the world?). In an attempt to cook broccoli pasta carbonara, he cracks an egg into the pasta water with the pasta, then adds broccoli. It seems he read the ingredient list, skipped the instructions, and simply winged it. Nothing matters, you know?!

In Netflix’s latest batch of episodes (Netflix US runs a couple of months behind Japan), Ruka attempts broccoli pasta carbonara again. I gasped when I saw he was making pasta FROM SCRATCH and squealed when he presented something that not only looked edible, but delicious! His housemates were (understandably) pleasantly shocked and I got very emotional. It’s rare when you see such dramatic growth. I imagine this is what parents feel when they see their children walk for the first time. — Pelin Keskin, Eater associate producer

Community (available to stream on Hulu and Netflix)

In 2009, when Community first aired, I was actually taking classes at a community college. Yet, somehow I’ve made it this long without watching this series created by Dan Harmon and featuring some of the current era’s most memorable actors (See: Donald Glover, Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, and Ken Jeong). The first season hinges on narcissistic student Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) starting classes at a Greendale Community College, where he’s pursuing his bachelor’s degree in an attempt to reclaim his suspended law license. Winger joins a Spanish 101 study group (remember when people still gathered in groups?) to incessantly hit on Britta Perry (played by Jacobs). But as the show evolves, episodes become more unhinged, playing into pop culture tropes observed by TV and movie obsessed student Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi). After a while, it becomes easier to view this show as sort of a live-action version of Harmon’s later work Rick and Morty, but with a slightly less noxious fandom attached. This is particularly encapsulated in episodes like Season 2’s “Epidemiology,” in which the whole student body is transformed into zombies after eating expired military rations. Season 2 also features an excellent example of weird TV sponcon in “Basic Rocket Science,” where the study group gets trapped inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken-branded space flight simulator. — Brenna Houck, Eater.com reporter and Eater Detroit editor

Killing Eve (Season 3, Episode 1, available to stream on BBC America)

Killing Eve, a BBC show that for two seasons has been about feminism, fucking, and fighting, has added a fourth “f” to its roster: food. When we reunite with the show’s titular “Eve” (Sandra Oh), we watch her shopping the aisles of an Asian grocery, grabbing ramen cups and snacks from shelves that seem preposterously well-stocked to my pandemic-warped eyes. The multitudes the store holds are intoxicating. We then discover that since we last saw her — left for dead by Villanelle (Jodie Comer), an assassin with whom she is/was mutually obsessed — Eve’s fled her job at MI5 for a gig as a dumpling chef at an Asian restaurant, a perfect place, perhaps, for an Asian American woman to make herself invisible in a city like London. As audience members, we get to watch her deftly pinch pot sticker after pot sticker as she eavesdrops on her relationship-impaired colleagues (once a spy, always a spy, perhaps), a rote activity that probably has a lot more in common with tradecraft than most espionage-based thrillers would have us believe. It’s a nice job for a perfectionist like Eve, one that’ll do well enough until (one assumes) Villanelle returns to her life and again throws it into chaos. — Eve Batey, senior editor, Eater SF

Difficult People (Season 1, Episode 5, available on Hulu)

Much of this criminally short-lived sitcom starring comedians Billy Eichner (Billy on the Street) and Julie Klausner takes place in a restaurant where a struggling-artist version of Billy works to pay the bills. But this episode stands out for its art-imitating-life plot: Julie, who has “the palate of a seven-year-old” stops by Billy’s place of employment to eat, but finds the menu too fancy for her liking (“everything on [the] menu has some kind of chutney or jus on it,” Julie complains).

So, when Billy’s boss leaves town for a few days, the duo convert the restaurant into a pop-up named the Children’s Menu, serving items that would belong on a kids’ menu someplace like Applebee’s. The pair set about marking up chicken tenders and fish sticks and peddling it to food blogs. And because Difficult People is set in New York, home to many people with poor taste but lots of money, crowds lap it up. It’s a fun skewering of a side of the food world that values creatively bankrupt novelty above all else. Looking at you, “cereal bars” and Museum of Ice Cream. — Tim Forster, editor, Eater Montreal

Lodge 49 (available to purchase on Amazon Prime)

I‘m not surprised Lodge 49 was cancelled after two seasons on AMC last fall; I’m delighted it aired at all. This shaggy dog show stars Wyatt Russell (the waggish spawn of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) as Dud, an adrift surfer in recession-hit Long Beach, who finds connection through a fraternal lodge along the lines of the Freemasons. Meanwhile his sister Liz (Sonya Cassidy) works at a shitty Hooters knockoff called Shamroxx, run by a ghoulish regional corporate conglomerate, Omni Capital. These days, I’m reminded of Liz’s Season 2 story arc: She’s made manager of Omni’s replacement for Shamroxx, a stupid new steakhouse concept called Higher Steaks. When the restaurant struggles, the way Liz sticks up for her colleagues, who are some of the show’s best minor characters, is an inspiring rebuke of winner-takes-all capitalism — no surprise, as the whole show is basically a socialist document. Ironically it’s not streaming for free, but Lodge 49 is special and well worth buying to watch. — Caleb Pershan, Eater.com reporter

Frasier, Season 1, Episode 3 (available to stream on Hulu)

I know I’m incredibly late getting into Fraiser (most of my coworkers are obsessed with it), but it’s been about a week now and I’m already halfway through the second season. I can’t get enough of it. While Frasier’s advice to his listeners can be a little “meh,” it’s absolutely delightful to watch the main characters give each other therapy through their conversations. And watching each episode unfold feels like much needed therapy right now.

I could go on and on about all the episodes I love, but “Dinner at Eight” is my absolute favorite. Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and his brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) decide to take their father Martin (John Mahoney) out to dinner as a way to spend more quality time with him. When the restaurant loses their reservation, they decide to visit a steakhouse at Martin’s suggestion. His pitch: “You can get a steak this thick for $8.95.”

The Timber Mill is nothing like the trendy, pretentious restaurants Frasier and Niles frequent and the duration of the entire meal is a culinary culture clash. For example, when the beef trolley arrives and everyone at the table has to pick their cut of steak, Frasier asks, “How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?”

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch Martin get more and more aggravated as Frasier and Niles make ridiculously elaborate orders (a petite filet mignon “very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavor but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate”), poke fun at the restaurant, and give the servers a hard time. That’s why it’s so satisfying to watch Martin skewer Frasier and Niles for their snobbery, leaving them to eat the rest of their dinner alone under the scornful eyes of the Timber Mill’s servers as “Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs” plays in the background. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager, Eater

Real Housewives of New York, Season 8, Episodes 6 & 7

In times of uncertainty, we seek comfort in consistency: The sun will rise in the east, the tides will ebb and flow, and rich women will scream at each other for our enjoyment on Bravo. Recently, I’ve been rewatching old episodes of Real Housewives of New York and am currently in the midst of its landmark eighth season (“Please don’t let it be about Tom.” “It’s about Tom”). Practically every episode is a hit, but “Tipsying Point” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry” conveniently double as a lesson in the booze business. When jack of all trades/master of none Sonja Morgan announces that she’s releasing a signature prosecco called Tipsy Girl, she faces the wrath of Bethenny Frankel, founder of the Skinny Girl brand. As even the most casual Housewives watcher will tell you, Bethenny is famously protective of her business and turns vicious at any perceived attack on it. “I thought the alcohol was a great idea. I really looked up to what you did and I thought it would be a great way for me to get ahead,” Sonja blubbers to Bethenny in her Skinny Girl brand-blazoned office. It’s because of this episode, and this fight in particular, that I know what a “cheater brand” is.

By the way, I’ve tried Tipsy Girl prosecco and it’s... not the worst wine I’ve had. — Madeleine Davies, Eater.com daily editor

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Actor Sandra Oh, wearing a black chef beanie and a white t-shirt, talks on an iPhone outside a restaurant kitchen. | BBC America

“Killing Eve,” reality TV favorites, classic sitcoms, and more

We at Eater spend a lot of time thinking about food, so when it appears on our TV screen, we take special interest. If you’re looking to stream some non-food TV that happens to be — at least tangentially — about food this weekend, here’s what we recommend.

Terrace House: Tokyo, Episode 11 (available to stream on Netflix)

Terrace House, the Japanese version of The Real World, has had a long history of food-related misdemeanors and crimes, but the most recent one entails broccoli, pasta water, and egg. Ruka, one of the housemates of the Tokyo house, is a complete enigma of a human being and maybe the most naive person to ever grace Terrace House (or the world?). In an attempt to cook broccoli pasta carbonara, he cracks an egg into the pasta water with the pasta, then adds broccoli. It seems he read the ingredient list, skipped the instructions, and simply winged it. Nothing matters, you know?!

In Netflix’s latest batch of episodes (Netflix US runs a couple of months behind Japan), Ruka attempts broccoli pasta carbonara again. I gasped when I saw he was making pasta FROM SCRATCH and squealed when he presented something that not only looked edible, but delicious! His housemates were (understandably) pleasantly shocked and I got very emotional. It’s rare when you see such dramatic growth. I imagine this is what parents feel when they see their children walk for the first time. — Pelin Keskin, Eater associate producer

Community (available to stream on Hulu and Netflix)

In 2009, when Community first aired, I was actually taking classes at a community college. Yet, somehow I’ve made it this long without watching this series created by Dan Harmon and featuring some of the current era’s most memorable actors (See: Donald Glover, Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, and Ken Jeong). The first season hinges on narcissistic student Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) starting classes at a Greendale Community College, where he’s pursuing his bachelor’s degree in an attempt to reclaim his suspended law license. Winger joins a Spanish 101 study group (remember when people still gathered in groups?) to incessantly hit on Britta Perry (played by Jacobs). But as the show evolves, episodes become more unhinged, playing into pop culture tropes observed by TV and movie obsessed student Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi). After a while, it becomes easier to view this show as sort of a live-action version of Harmon’s later work Rick and Morty, but with a slightly less noxious fandom attached. This is particularly encapsulated in episodes like Season 2’s “Epidemiology,” in which the whole student body is transformed into zombies after eating expired military rations. Season 2 also features an excellent example of weird TV sponcon in “Basic Rocket Science,” where the study group gets trapped inside a Kentucky Fried Chicken-branded space flight simulator. — Brenna Houck, Eater.com reporter and Eater Detroit editor

Killing Eve (Season 3, Episode 1, available to stream on BBC America)

Killing Eve, a BBC show that for two seasons has been about feminism, fucking, and fighting, has added a fourth “f” to its roster: food. When we reunite with the show’s titular “Eve” (Sandra Oh), we watch her shopping the aisles of an Asian grocery, grabbing ramen cups and snacks from shelves that seem preposterously well-stocked to my pandemic-warped eyes. The multitudes the store holds are intoxicating. We then discover that since we last saw her — left for dead by Villanelle (Jodie Comer), an assassin with whom she is/was mutually obsessed — Eve’s fled her job at MI5 for a gig as a dumpling chef at an Asian restaurant, a perfect place, perhaps, for an Asian American woman to make herself invisible in a city like London. As audience members, we get to watch her deftly pinch pot sticker after pot sticker as she eavesdrops on her relationship-impaired colleagues (once a spy, always a spy, perhaps), a rote activity that probably has a lot more in common with tradecraft than most espionage-based thrillers would have us believe. It’s a nice job for a perfectionist like Eve, one that’ll do well enough until (one assumes) Villanelle returns to her life and again throws it into chaos. — Eve Batey, senior editor, Eater SF

Difficult People (Season 1, Episode 5, available on Hulu)

Much of this criminally short-lived sitcom starring comedians Billy Eichner (Billy on the Street) and Julie Klausner takes place in a restaurant where a struggling-artist version of Billy works to pay the bills. But this episode stands out for its art-imitating-life plot: Julie, who has “the palate of a seven-year-old” stops by Billy’s place of employment to eat, but finds the menu too fancy for her liking (“everything on [the] menu has some kind of chutney or jus on it,” Julie complains).

So, when Billy’s boss leaves town for a few days, the duo convert the restaurant into a pop-up named the Children’s Menu, serving items that would belong on a kids’ menu someplace like Applebee’s. The pair set about marking up chicken tenders and fish sticks and peddling it to food blogs. And because Difficult People is set in New York, home to many people with poor taste but lots of money, crowds lap it up. It’s a fun skewering of a side of the food world that values creatively bankrupt novelty above all else. Looking at you, “cereal bars” and Museum of Ice Cream. — Tim Forster, editor, Eater Montreal

Lodge 49 (available to purchase on Amazon Prime)

I‘m not surprised Lodge 49 was cancelled after two seasons on AMC last fall; I’m delighted it aired at all. This shaggy dog show stars Wyatt Russell (the waggish spawn of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) as Dud, an adrift surfer in recession-hit Long Beach, who finds connection through a fraternal lodge along the lines of the Freemasons. Meanwhile his sister Liz (Sonya Cassidy) works at a shitty Hooters knockoff called Shamroxx, run by a ghoulish regional corporate conglomerate, Omni Capital. These days, I’m reminded of Liz’s Season 2 story arc: She’s made manager of Omni’s replacement for Shamroxx, a stupid new steakhouse concept called Higher Steaks. When the restaurant struggles, the way Liz sticks up for her colleagues, who are some of the show’s best minor characters, is an inspiring rebuke of winner-takes-all capitalism — no surprise, as the whole show is basically a socialist document. Ironically it’s not streaming for free, but Lodge 49 is special and well worth buying to watch. — Caleb Pershan, Eater.com reporter

Frasier, Season 1, Episode 3 (available to stream on Hulu)

I know I’m incredibly late getting into Fraiser (most of my coworkers are obsessed with it), but it’s been about a week now and I’m already halfway through the second season. I can’t get enough of it. While Frasier’s advice to his listeners can be a little “meh,” it’s absolutely delightful to watch the main characters give each other therapy through their conversations. And watching each episode unfold feels like much needed therapy right now.

I could go on and on about all the episodes I love, but “Dinner at Eight” is my absolute favorite. Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and his brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) decide to take their father Martin (John Mahoney) out to dinner as a way to spend more quality time with him. When the restaurant loses their reservation, they decide to visit a steakhouse at Martin’s suggestion. His pitch: “You can get a steak this thick for $8.95.”

The Timber Mill is nothing like the trendy, pretentious restaurants Frasier and Niles frequent and the duration of the entire meal is a culinary culture clash. For example, when the beef trolley arrives and everyone at the table has to pick their cut of steak, Frasier asks, “How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?”

It’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch Martin get more and more aggravated as Frasier and Niles make ridiculously elaborate orders (a petite filet mignon “very lean, not so lean that it lacks flavor but not so fat that it leaves drippings on the plate”), poke fun at the restaurant, and give the servers a hard time. That’s why it’s so satisfying to watch Martin skewer Frasier and Niles for their snobbery, leaving them to eat the rest of their dinner alone under the scornful eyes of the Timber Mill’s servers as “Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs” plays in the background. — Esra Erol, senior social media manager, Eater

Real Housewives of New York, Season 8, Episodes 6 & 7

In times of uncertainty, we seek comfort in consistency: The sun will rise in the east, the tides will ebb and flow, and rich women will scream at each other for our enjoyment on Bravo. Recently, I’ve been rewatching old episodes of Real Housewives of New York and am currently in the midst of its landmark eighth season (“Please don’t let it be about Tom.” “It’s about Tom”). Practically every episode is a hit, but “Tipsying Point” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry” conveniently double as a lesson in the booze business. When jack of all trades/master of none Sonja Morgan announces that she’s releasing a signature prosecco called Tipsy Girl, she faces the wrath of Bethenny Frankel, founder of the Skinny Girl brand. As even the most casual Housewives watcher will tell you, Bethenny is famously protective of her business and turns vicious at any perceived attack on it. “I thought the alcohol was a great idea. I really looked up to what you did and I thought it would be a great way for me to get ahead,” Sonja blubbers to Bethenny in her Skinny Girl brand-blazoned office. It’s because of this episode, and this fight in particular, that I know what a “cheater brand” is.

By the way, I’ve tried Tipsy Girl prosecco and it’s... not the worst wine I’ve had. — Madeleine Davies, Eater.com daily editor

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3eoMvVY via Blogger https://ift.tt/2xuewen

[concertcollector-blog]

“Harry Styles” by Harry Styles (Review)

Guess who’s bringing rock n’ roll back to the 2010s? That’s right, ladies. Harry Styles.

After a rocky last few years and worrisome hiatus, Harry Styles has officially begun his much awaited solo project with the release of his self-titled debut album, Harry Styles. The 10-track record, ranging from simple acoustic songs to jaw-dropping ballads, completely blew me out of the water and took me on a journey through the sides of him that I went 6 years without truly understanding. 

Going into this, I knew this wasn’t going to be a biased review. Although I was a massive One Direction fan a few years ago, I eventually grew out of them when I found other bands that suited my music taste a little more than what they were producing. I am not afraid to admit that Made In the AM was a not a good album in my opinion, nor was FOUR a home-run for me either. But, that was One Direction. This is Harry Styles, and my respect for him has skyrocketed as his new album exceeded every expectation I had for it. 

So, let’s dive into this iconic masterpiece, shall we?

Track 1: Meet Me In The Hallway.

The 10-track album opens up with “Meet Me in The Hallway”, a dreamy and lethargic taste of what’s to come later on in the record. The song starts off with Styles murmuring some numbers under his breath, and then transcends into a funky melody of faded vocals and fingers picking the strings on a finely tuned guitar. If the musical elements of this song weren’t already ambiguous enough, the lyrics only push my curiosity further. The repetitive line “Gotta get better” was mysterious; What could this possibly mean? Was his meaning shallow, or was he really in a dark place throughout the writing process of this record? It made me, the listener, wonder how deep this album could go, or how equivocal it could remain.

Overall, “Meet Me In The Hallway” was the perfect song to open Harry Styles up with, and I will explain why more towards the end of this review. 

Song rating: 8/10

Track 2: Sign Of The Times.

Styles’ infamous debut single, “Sign Of The Times”, follows after the album’s whimsical introduction. My initial reaction to this song when it first dropped back in April was nothing but positive: although the first verse of the song was questionable for my taste, I fell in love with the song the second the chorus began. From that moment on, I’ve been a huge fan of it.

“Sign Of The Times”, in my opinion, is a successful attempt at modernizing classic rock. It has certain elements to it that remind me of a lot of artists from the Classic Rock age, and it doesn’t make Styles seem like a “poser” at all. The song altogether - from the lyrics to the melody - is extremely mysterious and I’m sure it generated a lot of excitement to hear the rest of the album beyond just my own curiosity.

Song rating: 8.5/10

Track 3: Carolina.

In Harry Styles’ 3rd track, titled “Carolina”, Styles’ smooth voice tells a cheeky story of a girl from the South who immerses herself into the superficial world of the Los Angeles, California. The chorus of “Carolina” is fun, upbeat, and sexy in the most classy way possible. The constant La la la la’s in the background put a grin on my face every time I listen to the song. 

Although I feel like some parts of this track are childish, that is not a negative observation. They’re childish in a way that still works extremely well and keeps the song fun and current.

Song rating: 8.5/10

Track 4:  Two Ghosts.

I must admit that I hit a small bump in the road after “Carolina”. The next two songs on the album, titled “Two Ghosts” and “Sweet Creature”, are probably my least favorite songs on Harry Styles. This may come as a shock for some people, because I’ve gotten the sense that these are some fans’ absolute favorite songs from the whole album. Just hear me out you guys, I promise I have a rational reason.

The thing I dislike about “Two Ghosts” is that it is musically forgettable. Don’t get me wrong, the lyrics are magnificent; They are powerful and poetically heartbreaking. It’s plain to see that Styles was describing a low time in his life, and I respect him for opening up. But the tune of the song, in my opinion, just doesn’t do the words justice. From a musical perspective, “Two Ghosts” wasn’t as unique as the other songs off the album, which causes me to skip it most of the times it comes on. 

Song rating: 5.5/10

Track 5: Sweet Creature.

Similarly, “Sweet Creature” has lovely lyrics, but with just a simple guitar and a few backing vocals behind it all, I feel like it is not enough to truly wow me. 

Personally, I love when songs have a lot of production in them. I like songs that don’t rely solely on the lyrics to entice people, but use instruments to help create a masterpiece as well. “Sweet Creature”, from a musical standpoint, needs some more instruments to help bring it to life. 

But, then again, there are a lot of people who like simple songs like that. So, to turn this bump in the road into a positive pit-stop, at least this album has diversity. 

Song rating: 5/10

And then, we are brought to the 6th track on the album, and a huge transition is made. We leave this calm and gentle side of Harry Styles and enter a whole new world of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll. Literally.

Track 6: Only Angel.

“Only Angel” begins with an almost minute-long introduction consisting of a gods singing and a soft piano and in the distance. The intro sounds as if we’re all being lifted into heaven aboard a bedazzled spaceship with Styles behind the wheel. Everything is calm and euphoric until we are immediately thrown back down into a 1970s rock concert at the 53-second mark, and the song truly begins.

“Only Angel” is a lyrically and musically genius song. ‘I'm just happy getting you stuck in between my teeth’ and ‘She’s gonna be an angel ... when it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets’ are just a few lines that I found to be not only surprising, but clever as well. 

Song rating: 9/10

Track 7: Kiwi.

Don’t even get me started on this song. This was the first track I listened to off Harry Styles, and to say I was shocked is an understatement. I was shocked in a good way, of course.

Being one of my favorite songs on the record, “Kiwi” is yet another bold and daring taste of Harry’s rock n’ roll side. The melody of the song is sassy, very sexual, and probably takes a lot of parents back a few decades to what they often refer to as “simpler times”. 

The lyrics show that Styles knows what he’s doing. Some phrases that stick out to me are ‘She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect’ and ‘It's New York, baby, always jacked up, Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up’. One particular line in the bridge that I think is pure lyrical genius is “She sits beside me like a silhouette. Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet”. 

Whenever “Kiwi” comes on, there is no way I can get myself to skip it. In combination with “Only Angel”, these two songs are proof that Harry is not afraid to step out of his comfort zone and say the things he never could when he was in a boyband.

Song rating: 10/10

Track 8: Ever Since New York.

“Ever Since New York”, with it’s charming lyrics and soothing guitar riffs, is a nice cool-down from “Kiwi” and “Only Angel”. I feel like this song is very visual. Something about it will take your mind back to a particular memory or time in your life… or, if you’re me, it’ll take you back to a scene from your favorite movie. 

Whenever I listen to this song, for some reason my mind visualizes that scene from Almost Famous where they're all piled in the tour bus, driving across the country and singing Tiny Dancer together. Everything about that scene is graceful and heartwarming, as is this song, although it is rather sad. 

One negative thing I have to point out about “Ever Since New York” is that it get’s pretty repetitive after a while. I feel like the phrase ‘Tell me something I don’t already know’ is used too many times, and Styles could’ve incorporated other lyrics in those spaces. With just a little more variation, this song could’ve been a huge hit.

Song rating: 7/10

Track 9: Woman.

The 9th track on Harry Styles is yet another song that I refuse to skip whenever it comes on. “Woman” is one of the best songs on this record, and I’m sure many Harry Styles fans can agree with me. 

The beginning is one of the most unique introductions on Harry Styles. The random man asking about romantic comedies throws you off at first, but then the piano transcends into the enticing guitar riff and you are brought back into reality, as the song truly begins.

The chorus is short, sweet, to the point, and catchy as hell. It makes me wonder how this concept came to Styles’ mind and why he decided to take a plain word and fuze it into the song in such an elementary way. All he’s got to say is ‘woman’ over and over again and poof! It’s a masterpiece.

He took the word ‘woman’ and truly transformed it into a work of art. Because, let’s face it: Women are beautiful, and sometimes all we need is a simple, charming song like this to prove it. As Styles sings about this mysterious woman (or perhaps all women in general) he does it in a way that is sexy and fun, yes, but he doesn’t objectify us. I give him mad kudos for this one.

Song rating: 10/10

Track 10: From The Dining Table.

The final track on Harry Styles is “From The Dining Table”, a soothingly sad song that brings the album to a satisfying close. This song explores the final side of Styles that is a little bit more raw and truthful than the others portrayed on this record. The guitar and edited vocals create a chill, almost Jack Johnson-like sound while the mature lyrics show that he is finally able to grow up after certain expectations prevented him from doing so. 

For example, I’m sure the line in the first verse that goes ‘played with myself, where were you?’ came as a shock to some fans, but in an exciting way. The song is simple but powerful, and just as mysterious as the beginning of the album. I feel like this song and “Meet Me In The Hallway” are very similar to each other in a lot of ways, and they both work together to bring the album around into a full circle, with an interesting beginning and successful ending.

Song rating: 8.5/10

Overall, I think this album was amazing and something that the music industry was in need of. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that every so often, the radio runs dry and repetitive. Harry Styles, still in its rightful place at the top of the charts, is something new and different, a breath of fresh air for us all after we’ve been drowning in generic pop songs that all sound the same for so long. 

I didn’t know what I was expecting Harry Styles’ first solo album to sound like, but it wasn’t what I got. Everything about this record, from the melodies to the lyrics, completely exceeded my expectations and impressed me beyond belief. 

I wish there were more than just 10 songs on this album, but perhaps that means that Styles will be back relatively soon with another masterpiece to share with the world. I’ve got mad respect for Harry Styles after hearing this album, and I hope that those who once judged him or ignored his talents because he was in a “boyband” can eventually come around with an open mind, and appreciate what he has been able to do on his own. 

Overall Album Rating: 8.7/10

[tenshinokorin]

Running Down a Dream: The Definitive Guide

So. Back in January of this year, when I was about eh, twenty hours into FFXV, I started a fanfic on Ao3. I thought it would just be a nice place to sock away little drabbles or short fics, here and there, that might be inspired by my playthough. I had no intentions of doing more than maybe ten of them, and I thought they'd all be too small to be stand-alone fics. So I made them chapters, though they weren't really meant to tell any kind of overarching story. I called it Running Down a Dream, because too many things were already called Life is a Highway, and I liked the Tom Petty song better. I didn't expect it to amount to much, really.

...The current collective word count for my FFXV works on Ao3 is 106,074 words. (My FFXV game save is about two hundred and thirty hours.) Slightly more output than I planned. Probably more than anyone expected when reading the first chapter of this five months ago! (The fact that this comes after two years of painful block following the publishing of my first novel is just the cherry on the sundae.)

So, I realize that some people might not have read RDD, because the main fic and the B-sides are marked as unfinished. That's because they're a collection of stand-alones and the whole thing probably won't be finished ever-- I want to leave it open so I can go in and write something whenever. Someday, I may go in and mark them as finished. Probably about thirty minutes before the Earth crashes into the Sun. But each 'chapter' of RDD and the B-sides is complete as is, and while there is some continuity from chapter to chapter--mostly in the form of in-jokes and relationship status--you can still go in and read any one of them, at random. But who wants to plunge into a thirty-chapter mess that's part of a series which also has multiple-chapter fics and some of them are marked finished and some aren't and there's a crossover?? and what? Especially since this Tenshi no Korin person never puts in summaries that actually tell you anything and it's always a song quote or obscure movie quote I mean, the hell?

Don't worry. I've got you covered. Because I'm here with the......

DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO TENSHI NO KORIN'S RUNNING DOWN A DREAM FFXV ARC SO FAR (as of 5/12/17). With links. Buckle in. Here we go.

Running Down a Dream: Ao3 Series Page

Running Down a Dream: Main Fic: The start of all this mess, as described above. Note: While this series is generally fun/funny, I take maudlin turns without warning. Here to help you avoid or seek out what you will is the following code:

(~) this fic is lighthearted (~~) this fic is somewhat serious (~~~) this fic is thoughtful and/or melancholy (!?) this fic is utter crackpanties; your neighbors may call the police.

1.Sunburn: Prompto wants to put the top down, but Ignis pays the price. (~) 2.Garnish: Ignis Scientia: Wild Edibles Expert (~) 3.Lure: Prompto asks Noct about fishing. It's a mistake. (~) 4.Arson: Gladio gets on like a house on fire. (~) (very short) 5.Rain: Insomnia falls. Noct grieves. Prompto offers what comfort he can. (~~~) 6.Ebony: Ignis' poison of choice. (~) 7.Knickers: There's a strange pair of underpants in the hotel bathroom. (~) 8.Plume: Prompto takes a bad hit in battle. (~~) 9.Shield: Gladio meditates on his role, and on bacon. Prompto lands a big catch. (~~/~) 10.Vacancy: Saving the world is messy work. Deciding who gets the shower first is messier. (~) 11.Neon: Prompto and Noct on the hotel roof. First kisses and confessions. (~~) Noct/Prompto 12.Gourmand: Ignis thoroughly enjoys his hobbies, to the dismay and delight of his companions. (~) 13.Ink: Prompto asks about Gladio's tattoo. (~~~) 14.Laundry: Ignis steals his quiet moments where he can. Gladio steals more than that. Noct wants to know where the hell his pants are. (~~/~) Gladio/Ignis 15.Delirium: Noct falls into some dubious mushrooms and finds himself in some even more dubious DLC. Utter crack with no apologies. This is the most popular chapter of this entire series by a country mile. (?!) 16.Manners: Ignis attempts to make his party behave while they escort Iris. It's a lost cause. (Sorry, Iris.) (~) 17.Balladeer: Tomb of the Rogue, without Gladio. Noct sings. Lucian history in verse. (~~~) 18.Trim: Noct gets a haircut and nobody enjoys it. Except maybe Gladio and Prompto. (~) 19.Quicksilver: Prompto saves the day. (~~) 20.Carnivore: Concerning the habits of Chocobos. (~) 21.Poet: Noct and Prompto are up too late and everything is funny. Especially Gladio's hobbies. (~) 22.Phobia: Ignis and his worst fear. No, not brown shoes with a blue suit. Leeches. (~~) 23.Valentine: The most original fic premise ever: It's raining. They don't have spare clothes. The hotel only has one room. It's the honeymoon suite. (!?) 24.Spelunker: Prompto has a panic attack in the caves under Daurel Springs. Gladio offers his jacket and his shoulder. (~~) 25.Specter: Putting relics of the old war to rest. Wondering who will bury their dead. (~~~^100) 26.Payday: Gladio explains what he was doing while he was gone. Noct spies an opportunity. TW: tequila, body glitter, ornamental spoons. (?!) 27.Rations: Gladio's protein bars are terrible. Ignis can do better. (~) 28.Storage: Noct attempts to carry everything in his Armiger. That's how you get ants. (!?) 29.Crimson: The story behind the red soles. (~~~) 30.Bubbly: Gladio takes a hit for Noct, Noct finds a suitable reward. (~) 31.Talent: Something Ignis isn't good at. (~)

Running Down a Dream: The B-Sides: For some reason I made RDD a T+ rating, and then I wanted to write things that were out of the loose timeline that was developing in RDD, and also I just wanted to write M-rated smut. This was meant to be a place for both! Instead it's just the latter. Stories run parallel to the main RDD fic, but! You don't have to read the RDD fics to read these. NSFW (i.e.: #2) to ///desperately/// NSFW (i.e.: #5) 1.Poolside: Noct/Prompto. The Leville's rooftop pool. First time. (~) 2.Adult: Pit stop at a roadside porn store. Gladio shops the sale. Prompto works up his nerve. Ignis offers advice. Noct wishes he were dead. (!?) 3.Turnabout: Prompto/Noct. The King of Lucis takes it like a man. (~) 4.Stealth: Gladio/Ignis. Gladio and Ignis try to get a little on the down-low. Ignis thinks about the first time. Then he thinks about his king. And that's a problem. A good one. 5.Lucky: OT4. The infamous lucky man conversation. Prompto makes a boast, and then makes good on it. Prompto/Everybody

Running Down a Dream: Tyrants & Kings: Okay, so I really need to write about the second half of the game, I thought. But I didn't want to bog down RDD with all that, plus, I want to still be able to write lighthearted road fics (and let people keep reading them), and avoid major game spoilers. Tyrants & Kings is where I deal with the events from Altissia onward to the end of the game (and after). It's also actually complete, unlike most of the rest of this. All fics (~~~) at least. 1.Departures: Leaving Altissia, on the train to Tenebrae. Prompto does what he can. Ignis is grateful. 2.Armistice: Ignis has had quite enough of everyone's bad behavior. Gladio and Noct work it out the only way they know how. 3.Princess: Prompto gets rescued; Noct apologizes. 4.Crystal: Noct dreams about his memories, including how Prompto got his beloved camera. 5.Retreat: Gladio, Ignis, and Prompto head back to Lucis, and try to come to terms with what to do now. (Prompto/Ignis/Gladio) * 6.Regroup: Prompto and Ignis talk about the future, their lives, and about Noct. Ignis gets a phone call. 7.Reunion: The boys are back in town. Noct asks Prompto for a favor. 8.Requiem: The Astrals and the Aftermath. Carbuncle lays down the law. The end of the road. 9.Sunrise: The end of this story, and the beginning of all the others.

* Running Down a Dream: Coming for to Carry Me Home: A stand-alone fic that chronologically slots between chapters 5&6 of Tyrants & Kings. Ignis worries about Prompto, who's having a hard time coping with the turn their lives have taken. And, as it turns out, the things that happened to him in Gralea. Hurt/Comfort. (Please note fic warnings.)

Running Down a Dream: One Other Year: Everything that takes place after the events of Tyrants & Kings. (Wait, I hear you say-- If T&K is the END of the game, how can you have a fic about what happens after? Well. You'll just have to read it and find out.) Unlike RDD & B-sides, his is actually one fic published chapter by chapter, NOT a collection of stand-alone fics, and also not finished, though I try to update it regularly. 1.Picnic: Luna admits something to Prompto. Gladio makes a discovery. 2.Lineage: Ignis tells a story about the Rogue Queen, and about the Kingsglaive, and Galahd, and Royal Magic. 3.Dreams: Noct and Gladio talk about Iris, and about Lucis. Luna makes do. Ignis makes breakfast. 4.Vantage: Noct tries to come to terms with this Prompto Argentum. (Noct/Prompto) 5.Recap: An unknown enemy, an unexpected reunion. Prompto barely avoids causing a cross-cultural incident.

Persistence of Memory: The FFXV/FFVIII Crossover, that doesn't take place in the same timeline as RDD (or DOES it?? :D). Though I will always hold up FFIV as my favorite (and the first one I played myself), FFVIII was a huge catalyst for a ton of fic that I wrote along with my wife, in a continuity that eventually came to be known as the Infamous FF8 ARC. (For approximately two months in the year 2000 I think I was a BNF, but back then it was both an easier rank to get to and also one that you really would never ever want.) Even though we probably wound up writing more for FFVII--and these days are probably more remembered for our Turkfic than for our FF8 stuff, I will always adore those idiots. Playing FF15 felt like playing FF8 in a lot of ways, and putting the two together just made more sense the more I thought about it. So I did. Like One Other Year, this fic is continuous in that it's telling a single story and the chapters are not stand-alone, and also it takes longer for me to write the chapters for it. So while it's unfinished now, it will actually be completed in the future (unlike the RDD fics), but if you don't want to get involved in something till it's done then this is the one that you'd probably want to wait on.

SO THAT'S IT SO FAR. Hopefully if you haven't read any of it yet, you'll find something to try! And if you have, maybe this'll make it easier for you to find old favorites. I love getting Ao3 comments and I promise I try to reply to all of them, though sometimes it does take me a while. Now I'm off to write another installment of RDD, because there's never enough counter space in the hotel bathrooms.

XOXOX - TnK

[ciceroisthefamilycat]

I’ve now done my Frostbite reread (in addition to the VA reread and film rewatch)

After rereading the first book and watching the movie (which took her character to its worst extremes), I was having a hard time remembering why I loved Mia so much- I am now fully reminded. She better not basically disappear after the SK plot in the show like she did in the books. (Also, hi to my son Eddie who begins to develop an actual character this book... you prince, I want to protect you)

Aligned with that, I want as much as we can get of Tasha’s Moroi Magic Movement- ideally with a different ending for that character (oops I really didn’t like the Last Sacrifice conclusion). I also kind of want to see the Dimitri & Tasha shopping trip on screen- one, because I wonder if he had any input on the dress Tasha bought her for Christmas (at least he gave her the sizing?), and two, because it would be a great onscreen foil to the Spokane Shopping for Doom at the end of the book.

If they insist on keeping the “hey Adrian and Dimitri are cousins” twist from Ruby Circle, I want it moved up to Frostbite- otherwise let Dimitri’s paternity stay irrelevant. And don’t turn his abusive shit of a father into comic relief, because that was a huge issue for me. Actually, it would be another great parallel if Dimitri is struggling with his paternity at the same time Rose is finally ~connecting~ with Janine (and getting the nazar). There’s also a bit where Dimitri is in the Ivashkov wing of the resort (first Rose thinks he was visiting Tasha, then he reveals he was at a meeting with her mom in the Szelsky suite) but gosh that would be the perfect place to insert Dimitri dealing with some of his own demons.

I’m not sure if I realized on former reads- when Janine and Rose are alone after Christmas at the end of chapter 9, Janine is trying to give her answers about Abe while Rose is zoning out in her despair over Dimitri/Tasha. That’s something where on screen, I hope they let us hear what Janine is saying (even if there’s some echo effect distorting it a little).

Also, I need them to keep Mia taunting Rose for being punched by Janine in the spar (and the “talk about a face only a mother could love”) so that when they’re on the plane at the end and Mia comforts Rose, we feel it 100% when Mia says Rose is lucky to still have her mother... btw, I remembered crying over these books, but I was not prepared for the pain of Rose sobbing into her mom’s arms on that plane. I had completely forgotten that and it got me hard. VA fandom loves Abe so much (with all the RDJ fancasting, and his connections to Bloodlines) but Janine in this book is everything- so complex and rich.

Onto my pet projects:

a visual effect I really want: in chapter 18, the list of the royal families, with the Badicas and Drozdovs each having an X next to them- I want that paralleled somehow with Rose’s molnija marks for Isaiah and Elena: 2 for 2; ideally, there’s that final scene between Dimitri and Rose, the camera pulls back and we see her marks beneath her ponytail, flash over to the list and an ominous suggestion of an attack (the SK attack) to come

genderbent Adrian: so I fancast Adrian with Aurora Perrineau (who just got a role on Westworld so she’s probably not available anymore but this is my dream and I’m sticking with it); I forgot how much I actually liked Adrian in the original VA series (Bloodlines, especially the latter half, soured me on him hard). That being said- every other character hated him on sight because of his reputation as a Lothario (it’s actually really gross how most of the characters react, and I did not like it). So genderbending Adrian would actually be kind of tough because suddenly Mason, Christian, Dimitri, and Janine are all more rational about Rose (and Lissa) spending her time with a Moroi girl instead of a Moroi guy. And also, Mia has her whole “another guy” schtick about Rose with Adrian (not cool babe). But I am undeterred, because I’m stubborn, like a mule. Book one, everyone was like “ew, Rose, it’s gross you let Lissa feed from you and inherently sexual, but I guess with Lissa’s compulsion urging us to let it go and the fact that at least it wasn’t actual sex and you two are soul sisters or whatever, you’re still a scratch above blood wh*re” (hey, Moroi society, I hate you fuckers). But if Rose is getting cozy with this Moroi girl (who still has a promiscuous reputation) now... all bets are off... maybe she really is a sl*t for Moroi, and you still get overly protective Janine and Dimitri (and the added Ivashkov element matters to both given certain paternal figures). It also plays into the fact that this is the book where Rose is most jealous of Christian- where she most feels the separation between her and Lissa, and where she’s getting stuck in Lissa’s mind while Chrissa are about to get it on. Like, damnit, give me bi Rose and lesbian Sydney (I’m open to Adrian being bi or lesbian or any Sapphic orientation); also give me bi Dimka please but that’s not here...

still alive Andre: gosh, Andre showing up at the resort (with his bestie Adrian because I want that too), and Mia getting to tell him off, but also him being at least a semi-shoulder for Mia to lean on after the news about her mom comes out... Isaiah even said “there’s one Dragomir left? two?” or something along those lines... there’s potential there

aging up Rose and co: There are a lot of references to her age in this book. But the substantive stuff is like near the start of chapter 13 where Dimitri says “Every second this conversation goes on, you only prove how young you really are.” Look, if they keep her 17, that is creepy af. I’m sorry, it’s not ok with me. But, I didn’t mind Rose pointing out that there are 7 years between him and Tasha, same as the gap between them. I don’t mind if she’s 20 and he’s 26ish and Tasha’s 33. Every element of this works better if she and her friends are legal adults partying like the college students their age at this resort they lucked into. But that’s just my (very right) opinion.

Anyways: Frostbite is so much better than I remembered it being. I didn’t think it was bad before, but I didn’t remember how good it was. The attacks on the Badicas and then Drozdovs were excellent worldbuilding, and the end of the book is devastating(ly good). Seriously, if it weren’t followed by Shadow Kissed, I could not have forgotten about that. I started out thinking that if I were adapting, I would do a 5/5 episode split for each of VA and FB. I think I would try and do a 4/6 episode split instead- or rather, the fifth episode would maybe wrap-up the epilogue type stuff in VA and cover the Badica massacre in its second half- weaving those plots more carefully through some of Victor’s dialgoue when he’s locked up, talking about the threat of the Strigoi present. Then you can really start up the second half of the season with Janine’s (and Tasha���s) arrival, and get Christmas and the flight out/arrival at the resort covered by the end of episode 6.

[stepupmum-blog]

Paternal Parental Alienation

Paternal Parental Alienation I am going to write about something that makes me angry. Damn angry. And that is: paternal parental alienation. Or, in laymans terms, an attempt from a biological mother to remove a good, caring father from their own children's lives. This article does not address women fleeing domestic violence situations, nor women who believe their child may be in some kind of other danger In the environment they are in when under their father's care. This is about a strong, caring male role model being eliminated from a child's life for a motive based entirely on spite. I am sure the perpetrators provide themselves with many justifications, based on emotional decision making. 'My children get upset whenever he calls or sees them, I just think it's better he's not involved.' Or 'I don't like to be around him, he hurt me when he left' or more then likely 'I care for the children primarily, I should be the one making their decisions, right? He only seems them 20% of the time, why should he get a say?' Well I'm here to tell you you are wrong. Very wrong. And you are causing more hurt, pain and anxiety in your child's life then you can even contemplate. You are also taking your ex partner and his family down with them, as collateral damage because you can't bare to face up to the situation. Now this is not directed at all biological mothers either. I know many who I am so proud of, proud to call my friends, who can stop, see things rationally, put their own hurt aside, and do what is best for their children. And I congratulate you, you are sincerely a wonderful, caring and brave person. This situation can also be gender reversed, this is not a mother- or woman- bashing article. Fathers, grandparents, and other influential members of a child's life are all just as likely to be culprits. However, I am addressing my experience, and that is the frustration of watching my partner hurt and my step child suffer, all in the name of the hate and anger of one individual. Paternal Parental Alienation is on the rise - or at least the acknowledgment of it. Between 1997 and 2012 there were approximately 230 cases where this topic was mentioned were heard in the Australian Family Court and the Family Court of Western Australia, the number rising as the years went on. It should be known that within these cases, fathers were just as guilty as mothers of parental alienation. How do you know if you are experiencing this frightful situation? There are some behaviours that alienators may do that are common. 1. The act of 'memory replacement' within the child' mind. The biological parent guilty of the alienating wants to ensure that all positive memories within the child's experience are associated with them. They may try and ensure that Easters, birthdays and Christmas's are spent with only them. They also will take memories that you have had with your child and replicate them. For example, whenever we have our step child for Christmas, you can bet your bottom dollar that 'Santa' will have already visited, and he brought a huge amount of presents to the child at her mother's house. She will have been told that that was actually the real Christmas, the one spent with the father is not. They will take the child to movies that you saw already, buy them similar gifts that are slightly better, and tell the childthings so they believe that the experience with you 'doesn't count'. I have firm memories of taking my step child to see 'Inside Out', however she swears black and blue that her mother took her. It wasn't until I was able to recall the 'Lava' short film that was played at the start of the movie, that she widened her eyes in disbelief as the memory of us sitting in the cinema together came rushing back into her head. 2. The child is overly secretive about certain topics. Whilst you should never probe your child or question them, sometimes in the course of normal, organic conversation you will find them growing suddenly anxious and shutting down. An example for us was our step child bragging about her mother giving her an old mobile phone. She said 'but I'm not allowed to call -' then suddenly stopped her sentence, her body language grew stiff - and she then stammered over trying to finish the sentence "...anyone". Whilst one can only speculate, it did seem that perhaps she had been told not to 'call daddy and don't tell him about it.', to which she suddenly remembered. Speculation can lead to confirmation bias, however, so it is best not to think too deeply about each scenario, with your imagination rife with possible situations that may have occurred at home. I prefer to try lay my focus on best supporting the children if they are confused or anxious. 3. You are being bad mouthed. This may be one that can be difficult to prove, particularly if your step child is secretive on the matter. It is certainly best for the child not to ask, but again, sometimes it comes to light organically. I feel that my step daughter can feel so anxious and guilt-ridden that she often can blurt things out, such as 'Mummy says that your side doesn't help at all!' Children can also misread situations, say things out of context, or misconstrue the truth to suit themselves and manipulate both sets of parents. I find it best to take these comments with a grain of salt and not immediately assume her mother is guilty. However I do then take on board that perhaps this situation possibly may be occurring. The time to me when this was most hurtful, was when the biological mother was targeting my biological child in an attempt to turn the two children against each other. I felt such an intense anger and frustration, that someone would bring such hurt into my home. That they could not see how hurting two very young children, who are innocent to the situation, including her own child, was terribly wrong. This situation took the best of me to be able to calmly and rationally handle. I addressed the behaviour and asked for my spouse to support this and have a small, calm talk with his daughter. This was the closest I had come to taking my child and just leaving the house for the weekend. They may also paint a negative picture of you suggestively, rather than directly. For example they say to the children 'Now you make sure you eat well at their house, let me know if you don't.' This puts the idea in the child's mind that you may be neglegent, and they may see normal parenting behaviours as negative, reinforcing the massage the alienator is trying to send. I gave my step daughter a healthy plate of food, much to her protest. She was holding out, hoping for some form of snack type lunch. When I told her she couldn't eat anything else until she had eaten nutritously, she made the statement 'I never eat enough food here.' This made me a little suspicious that this kind of manipulation was occurring. Luckily, I had enough information to be prepared for this, so I could respond with 'I will happily spent a great deal of time in the kitchen preparing you healthy food if you are hungry, I love you and want to make sure you are healthy and strong.' 4. No matter how much you ask, you are never allowed any additional time outside of the court orders or parenting plan to spend with the step child. Even if the biological mother has to hire baby sitters and utilise day care, they will not allow you any time to just simply take your child out to lunch for the day, or attend their siblings birthday party at your house. Any suggestion by you is met with excuses and resistance, such as 'it is much easier to organise our lives by the court orders.' There is no flexibility, regardless of if it assists both parties. If you do see them, there will be a reason why visits are cut short and they are quickly removed. 5. Your contributions are minimalised. If you are paying child support, it is very likely your child has no idea that you are. Whilst it is also probably best not to burden children with financial worries of adults, it can be incredibly frustrating to hear your step child talk how her Dad doesn't buy her anything or spend any money on her. I do believe that, for her particular age, this is a conversation to be had at a much, much later date, but is frustrating none the less. They will forget what gifts you bought them for birthdays, but will be quick to recall with excitement what their mothers gave them. 6. Great lengths may be taken to make sure you have no contact with anyone else in your step daughters life from her side. When their is a school event on, the biological mother will go to great lengths to ensure we do not speak to other members of her family. This is so her lies about you can not be found out, should you be able to talk freely amongst her family. 7. The biological primary parent wants nothing to do with the step parent / wants to constantly abuse the step parent. They would prefer to pretend you either don't exist, or make you their scape goat for all of the negative emotions and behaviours their child is experiencing. This can be very hard to deal with. Particularly when you are working so hard to ensure the child is placed as your primary focus. Instead of getting a heart-felt 'thanks' from their mother, you are receiving quite the opposite. They not only are ungrateful, but they are trying to make out you are the reason for any problems they may be experiencing at home. If any conflict does occur, even if it is just normal parenting, your response will be greatly blown out of proportion and you will be seen as over stepping your mark. In extreme cases, allegations of abuse can be present. This can cause you to tiptoe around your own home or be much more lenient with disciplining your step child, causing confusion to other children in the home. 8. If you have informed your child or their parent of an event or holiday that you planning on taking your step child too, you may find they arrive not wanting to attend. They will have fears instilled into them by their primary parent. Example include being wary of camping as their biological mother has been warning them of these dangers in the days leading up to the trip. It is hard to distinguish these fears from genuine fears or from manipulation from the alienator, so I find it best to simply not give anyone prior warning to trips and special activities. Whilst I am sure there are many more 'signs' that this may be happening to you, I can assure you that there is support out there and advice on the best ways to handle it. The behaviour from the perpetrator can cause great deals of anxiety in the children. It can be very sad to watch any signs of happiness and cheer disappear over time from their little faces. From your side, it can best to acknowledge that you do not have control over the biological mother or what goes on in her household. Unfortunately, this is a situation where many feel that the system can be letting us down. In split families, some parts of the Australian Legal system are very helpful, such as ensuring custody hearings are a priority over other cases. However imagine how hard it would be to prove this scenario to a judge? The other party just simply denies it, and may even attempt to seek sympathy for their situation. I have heard of some people having the families evaluated by a psychologist in an attempt to have the courts understand the situation. This can be fruitful however some biological mothers go to the extreme of 'briefing' a child before such an evaluation, and preparing them with answers and lies to questions. If you have either chosen to have this looked at through the courts and experienced further manipulation, or have decided it's best for your family to not put the children through that experience, this can lead to great heart ache and gives you little recourse but to try your best to 'let go' of trying to amend anything that occurs within their household. The children may also put on a strong front in front of their biological mothers, so it may not be as easy to spot by outsiders, whether they be profesionals or not. In some instances, they may even appear to be 'on their mother's side'. However for them, this is survival. If their mother is their primary carer, and in their eyes the main provider of resources, such as food, care, love and support, then it is only natural to portray to her that you are supportive of her actions. This is a life of fear and comes with the child suffering a huge amount of anxiety as they are torn between their parents and loyalties. After some time of this occurring, they may even begin to believe it. This is nothing short of brain washing and manipulation in order to meet one's agenda. From your side, you can help by not engaging in the same behaviour. Make your house a refuge: a safe, loving and, when possible, fun environment that the child can come to for a break. Never bad mouth their other parent or family members involved. If you retaliate then the only person that will suffer is the child, and it may cause the biological mother to worsen in her behaviour. The hope is, over time, as your step child ages, they will eventually see the truth. I have had many adult friends come from broken homes, and it seems at a certain age most of them had an epiphany. 'Why did I believe my father was so bad? He never mistreated me...' I'm not going to assume I know the full circumstances in all of their situations, but it has given me great hope that one day, she will realise that we did our best, and supported her. Seek counselling and support to help you deal with your emotions. If you find you are quite angry, or sad, please please talk to a proffesional. Their are also specialist psychologists in parenting who can give you advice on how to best support the children. This can be very helpful if you are finding your step child is very anxious and withdrawn, or acting out and 'punishing you' for their mothers feelings. I found it a great challenge one day when my step daughter came for a visit and would not stop tantruming, which, quite honestly, was very annoying as we were trying to participate in nice activities that the whole family would normally enjoy. After some time she started telling me about how her mother was angry at her father. She drew some pictures of what I assume to be her mother crying and the word 'DAD' with crosses all over it. She seemed to want to talk to me about it in great detail. Whilst I was so pleased she trusted me, I was simply not equipped with how to best handle the situation for her. So I went outside and made some phone calls with counselling services so I could come to the best solution for her. It was very helpful to me to know my limitations and have advice on what to best say to her when she was so vulnerable, and possible coping mechanisms for when she experiences anxiety in future. For others, there child may be showing these emotions with anger or hostility, so profesional advice can be extremely helpful. Have patience. This may be the last thing you want to hear. It can be so, so difficult to deal with this situation as a step parent. Firstly, these are not your children, they can come into your environment and turn your home on its head. Understand they are only young, they are having trouble dealing with these emotions on a much greater level then you are with you having more years of experience and maturity. It can seem like you are giving up all of your time and energy on this. What you are doing is one of the most selfless acts and responsibilities one can take on. To love a child, who is in great need, when they are not your own can be very hard, particularly when they are acting out towards you. It is especially infuriating when it is an adult, their very own parent, who is continually causing the suffering. This can cause great anger, and certainly does for me. If you are a primary biological parent who is reading this, and you don't relate to any of it, then well done to you. I can imagine it would be extremely difficult to be able to put aside your hurt, or anger to make this situation amicable for each side. I can also imagine there may be some frustration with being the one who has a lot of the more tedious parental tasks such as the school run, the extra curricular activities organisation, the homework, the boring routines, the diet management, and dealing with the crying and tantrums. After a long day of doing the best for your child you get told 'I wish I lived at DAD'S!' I can see how it may be easy to feel angry at your child's father, particularly if he left in undesirable circumstances or gave you sense of abandonment. However, if you can rise above all of that, and make the best possible situation for your child, then you are a wonderful parent. I certainly don't think this applies to all split families, and some parents manage to just simply, get it right! Thank you, from all the step parents out there, for having such a great attitude. Paternal parental alienation can truly be heartbreaking. If this is something that is happening to you or your family, know you are not alone. There is support for you out there. It can make you feel angry, or depressed. I urge you to talk to someone and build a support network around you. At the end of the day, I do like to believe that your children do love you, they just don't love the situation they have been placed in. Well done to you if you are able to put all of that aside and provide the best level of support for your child, who may be suffering along with you. Put love first, are remember to have patience. I do truly have a great deal of hope that your child will come back to you, maybe not now, but in the future, if you find a way to give them the support they need. To the step parents who have been thrust into this situation, and try so hard to be the glue that holds your family together, kudos to you. You are truly stepping up. Some recommended resources for support: Www.parentalalientation.com.au can provide some useful information on how to fight parental alienation in the courts. Consulting your solicitor for advice may be a good idea to come up with an action plan, or at least make them aware of the situation. Brainwashing Children - a book by John Thomas Steinbeck was a very short, factual read and helped me work out the best reaction from our side Beyond Blue - 1300 22 4636 www.beyondblue.org.au