#tnk fic

[tenshinokorin]

TnK's Trigun Fic Listing

Ok now that I've got 15 fics out for Trigun (so far) and at least a couple of those are upwards of 20K and some of them are sequels and followups and ongoing, I thought maybe I should do a proper list of things, to make it easier for people who want to read in some kind of order. I'm terrible about talking up my own work but this is also for my own reference so that's fine, right? ^^; All fics are Vashwood-centric (I will get to Nai in a minute I have a backlog) and ratings vary from Gen to Explicit, though all are intended for an adult audience. This list is complete as of September '23, I will update it periodically as needed! 

NB: I'm lucky enough to have gotten fanart for some of these and sometime when my head is not full of mud I'll go in and add links to those where I can. (Or please drop a link in the replies if you are one of the wonderful artists in question!) 

THE BIG THREE STORYLINES: 

Someday Out of the Blue & I Believe in the Kingdom Come

Trigun '98 canon. Reincarnation fic. The first one is a story I started writing over 20 years ago and quit after a chapter because I was just too heartbroken (and did not know it, but was also too young). Picked it up and finished it this April (2023) after Stampede clobbered me and I fell off the "we don't talk about wolfwood" wagon. The second story is a direct sequel to tie up some loose ends from the first one, and also to indulge my need for a proper happy ending. (I think a lot of folks don't realize Someday has a sequel but it does!!) 

Black is the Color and Mysterious Ways

Trimax Canon. Resurrection/Fix-it/Angstmance with a much shorter, sillier, smuttier epilogue. Three years after the end of Trigun Maximum, Vash is having some trouble laying his ghosts to rest. (You may have seen this incredible artwork which has gotten around a bit and boosts the story better than any summary of mine possibly could.) Weird things happened when I was writing this, I don't mind telling you. Mysterious Ways was mostly an excuse to explore some of the more interesting concepts brought up by the first one, but saying anything more would be spoilery. 

Eyes of the Storm

(Mostly) Trimax canon. Cryptid Vash AU, slowburn romance, ongoing. When Nicholas D. Wolfwood gets roped into being the new caretaker for the now-abandoned orphanage where he spent his childhood, he soon finds out that his own hidden memories are not the only thing haunting him. (What the fuck is a Typhoon?) Wolfwood, Vash, Livio, Elendira, et al. This is the one currently in progress at six chapters out of ??. Pretty SFW so far BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER CAVEAT LECTOR. 

List continues with standalone and shorter fics below the cut!

Honeymoon

Generic Trimax/98 setting. Plant Heat, Wingfic, Tentacle Fic, What the fuck is Hay Fever. Wolfwood offers to help Vash out with a personal problem and gets a little more than he bargained for. 

Strange Powers

Generic Trimax/98 setting, comedy/smut/potato jokes/fisting with a loaded prosthetic. What if Vash and Wolfwood (accidentally) got really, really hella high? 

Hurricane

Trigun '98 Canon. 

Vash: Make money? As a priest?

WW: Well. *mysteriously* Not only that. 

Vash: (oh my gosh he's a prostitute)

Shortfic. Wolfwood tries to figure out how to offer his services to someone he doesn't really want to be a paying customer. Short and smutty while also demolishing Wolfwood's professional boundaries.

Skin Tight

Generic Trimax/98 setting. The Infamous Red Dress. PWP, Wolfwood needs to be in the Vash Sensory Deprivation Tank, Vash in high heels, the dress gave its life for this fic you should read it and honor its sacrifice. Look. This is just porn, guys. You want the porny fic? This is the porny fic. (just kidding most of them are porny fics but this one is especially so.) 

Secondhand Secrets

Generic Trimax/98 setting. Introspective/Vignette/Wolfwood POV. Vash's artificial arm always moves in his sleep, and Wolfwood wonders what he's looking for.

Personal Jesus

Badlands Rumble canon (post-film), Wolfwood has poor emotional coping strategies, hurt/comfort (Wolfwood provides both), first-time. That red hotel minifridge never stood a chance. 

A Fool From Any Direction

Trigun '98 Vash's weird horny schtick is a front, and self-respect doesn't save lives. Which is too bad because when Wolfwood finds out what Vash is planning next he's gonna kill him. 

Benediction

Trimax but could also be '98; Sometimes being a hero is not all it's cracked up to be. Or maybe Vash is the one cracking up. Hurt/Comfort, Wound Care & Bible Quotes, Noman's Land is a bitch of a planet. Shortfic, feels, non-explicit/no sex. 

A Bit of a Tight Spot

Generic Trimax/98 setting. Costume Porn, PWP, No corsets were harmed in the making of this fic. I feel like this one gets missed a lot which is MADDENING because you guys. WOLFWOOD'S DOUBLE Ds IN A CORSET. And like, in a gender euphoria way, not in a comedy drag kind of way (though comedy drag does make a small appearance). I don't know how the good minister tightlaced in cuban stockings while giving Vash a blowjob in front of a mirror in the attic of a whorehouse can get so often overlooked, maybe my title or summary is lacking, but it's one of the hottest things I've ever written and its engagement is just in the basement? When (emphatic baffled hand motions to Nicholas D. Wolfwood wearing a garter like a thigh-holster). Anyway. 

The Quick and the Bed

Trigun '98 Comedy, Romance, First Time. The single bed trope. Drunk Idiocy. Wolfwood's vows are in serious danger. (Wolfwood does not have vows.) Readers have let me know that they find this one amusing. Roommates of readers have sent me threats of bodily harm due to badly-stifled hysterical laughter at 3am. 

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW MORE STORIES WILL BE ADDED AS THEY OCCUR!

SMALL DISCLAIMER: I'm a full-time working writer and my fanfic is something I give away for free out of love. Please don't copy, alter, plagiarize, feed to AI in any form, fold, spindle, or mutilate. I'm not in the market for concrit, but if you like my stories please feel free to leave me a comment/kudo, download/print/fanbind for personal use, or let other readers know!

[sincerely-sofie]

People seemed to really like the last Hollow Knight art dump. Here's some more!

[cute-as-buttons]

what if I said new tnk chapter tomorrow. what then

[patroxlos]

in another ask u said that reader feeds into his insecurities and worsens his abandonment issues could u explain it more? also loved how we got to know reader more in the last chapter it helps build character and made me think abt how much deep the reveal is gonna be (angst coming? 👀). tnks for the food💕

the angst will be coming! and they will be miscommunicating so much more than they are right now! im excited because ch8 is significant to establish the reader's motive >:) but to answer your question...

SUMMARY:

all will be revealed as the story progresses >:) i was intentionally vague in that ask because it hasnt been revealed in the story yet what caused you two to fall nearly out years ago, but that said im a yapper HAHAHA

your role as his childhood friend is significant bc u are tied to his past in japan, a place and culture he has very conflicting feelings about

he thinks you don't need him in your life esp because you're so confusing and indecisive about what you want from him

you both were very toxic for eo during your situationship.

If you want to see me yap about Kenji's abandonment and attachment issues, keep reading.

There is narrative purpose as to why I figured a childhood friend would fit in well with Ultraman: Rising's plot in itself

the movie is very family-centric, and a lot of how kenji achieves peace with himself in the film is by reconnecting with the past, be it his family or the culture he left behind

while i figured that it would be fun to write a reluctant team-up to lovers, bc ill be able to play around w kenji's personality pre-Emi, i also didnt see the place of a romance forming while he's struggling being a single mom

but i also wanted the story to take place during the movie's run bc i wanted to include Emi since she plays a big part in us learning who Ken is, so writing a fic that starts after the film didnt feel in the cards for me

since kenji grows as a person by the end of the film through making peace with his conflicting identities and his tumultuous past, i thought having a childhood best friend would make sense since i dont think he has the space to introduce anyone new in his life

bc reader is a childhood friend who he is meant to be close to, i cant write kenji interacting with reader the same way he is at the start of the film because there is a familiarity that breaks down his walls— which caused me to have a dilemma about how to characterize him

it also made me a bit sad that i cant write full-on ken sato the "egomaniac" bc i think thatll be fun since he's such a boyfailure

but that means that we see a softer ken when he interacts with reader, someone who is a bit more vulnerable with showing that he strives for further connections in his life even if he wants to look like he can do it all by himself

Kenji feels alone and disconnected from everyone, including you

it's also clear to the audience that kenji doesnt have any friends, and anyone he's friendly with is probably friends with him on a surface level. Ami states in their first interview that he is known as someone who keeps others at a distance, and who is untouchable

the team behind Ultraman: Rising did state that there is a deleted scene where he is clubbing, which is meant to show that he feels alone even in a sea of bodies. and his dad in the movie isnt surprised that he is throwing parties at his house, so it just clues us in that he probably lived life with very shallow connections and has filled his time with materialistic pursuits (e.g. his car collection...what he need a mclaren for)

i decided to make the reader someone from the 1% for two reasons: first being so that i can explain why her and kenji meet up over the years (i see a lot of friends who migrated to north america only once a year and we're still close!), and second, because i wanted you to be on the same playing field if not higher playing field than him.

Ken puts up the front that he doesn't need anyone else, but he is insecure about how he thinks you don't need him.

bc u have ur own things going on!! u have ur own friends

what makes it worse is that u genuinely think that kenji is the same. u think that since he's very successful, he would have his own thing

i havent touched up on it much yet, but it's very evident to kenji that you will readily pick yourself over him, which isn't a bad thing but it reminds him when his dad picked Ultraman over keeping his family together

ken feels like he can never be anyone's first choice or priority, and your situationship messes this up further

I haven't touched much on what happened between them yet in the story because it's building up to it, but

it soon feels for ken that youre only seeking him out on convenience. that he doesnt matter to you beyond what his body can do for you

bc spoiler: you are the villain in the situationship! you're the one who insists that everything is casual yet you keep the line blurry

^ karma is gonna get to u soon in the main storyline ure gonna be dry heaving when u realize u actually do want something with him

your constant back and forth with him will be revealed in the flashbacks... you not wanting more than a casual relationship yet youre talking abt what it would be like if you two got married???

Spoiler but during the situationship years, you're also the first one to say "I Love You" ROMANTICALLY yet youll later on backtrack and say that you didnt mean it in that way

can you blame him for getting confused and insecure about where you stand and whether or not he actually matters to anyone.

it doesnt help that his presence in your life is actively harming your reputation and career.

in ch8, it's briefly mentioned that ur media hate train is caused by ppl who are paying for bad press abt u starting from when you were 18. if you remember ch3-4, kenji freaks out abt a new article abt u two, and ch6 he was conscious of what others were saying.

one thing i want to elaborate in a separate post is that ken is AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT and reader is written to have DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT.

Even if Kenji is avoidant due to his trauma of abandonment (e.g. self-reliant, avoids social connections), he can't help but yearn to be with you

so it's so confusing to him bc with everyone else, he would want to leave first. and he's close to leaving you so many times

yet you keep making these promises, saying sweet things about how much you need him, that he cant help but get roped into it a bit

When he is younger, he's fully aware that it is not a healthy mindset, but even if you're just using him at least it means that he still gets to be in your life. It makes him feel needed.

in the present timeline, sometimes those thoughts definitely cross his mind but at present he is focusing on maintaining the boundary you guys set about strictly being friends

So far I hope you caught in the story [as of ch8] from the subtext or dialogue that

in the present timeline, you are both 26 years old

the situationship started when you were 16 and lasted until you were 23

bc ure both high profile starting when you were 18, and u both publicly seem a lot closer than what ure claiming to be, it is well-documented that you two kind of go back and forth with each other (think justin and selena/shawn mendes and camila cabello)

(a new photo recently surfaced of shawn and camila together at Copa América and ppl were kind of confused as to whether or not they got back together again after breaking up for like the fourth time and i was like omg... home base core...)

when you both were 23, three years ago, you two had a really bad falling out caused by your previous situationship

it caused you officially end it for good, and while you maintained your friendship for those three years you weren't able to properly see each other face to face (partly. bc covid is canon in the fic HAHAHA but i havent talked abt it)

yall dont know how to act around eo anymore like why a little eye contact making u nervous .... yall had ur privates in eo's mouths (kenji munch next chapter soon promise hihi)...

since it is revealed that a large part of the hate train against you is paid for by people who want you out of power, kenji as much as possible wants to avoid being seen as more than friends with you atm bc he's worried it will derail your career

SORRY if it felt like I didn't say anything at all since I don't want to reveal too much at this stage lmao but I can do my best to elaborate on any points of interest!

[everywishway]

Hey, so I'm writing a fanfic about Kalina post FHJY. Mostly her interacting with all the Bad Kids to redeem herself. Question tho, what do you think Kalina could learn from each of the BK's and what could they learn from her?

notes I already have: - Kalina becoming a literal emotional support animal to help Adaine during a panic attack and Adaine talking to her and seeing a lot of herself and Aelwyn, literally doing what you have to, even suffering if it supports others to which Adaine kinda calls this out - Ankarna and Kalina talking about how they both would do anything for Cassandra. Also Ankarna telling Kalina Riz might not resent her as much as she thinks because in the 'do over' thing she offered, Riz never thought about revenge on Kalina. - Kalina and Kristen talk in the church and hash out things, coming together in their care for Cassandra and sacrificing what made them themselves to help their parents when they weren't healthy (Kristen with her parents and Kalina with Cassandra/TNK) - Final chapter: Riz yells at her for how much she took from him (His dad, time with his mom and seeing her overwork herself to support them, etc) but she responds if it was him, he would do the same. He spent all Junior year tying himself in knots to keep the BK's together and really, Kalina was trying to do the same with Cassandra

Esp need ideas for: Gorgug, Sklonda, Fabian, Fig, and extra Riz chapters/vignettes. But any additional comments/notes for the above chapters would be lovely too <3

Also, if you wanna read the fic so far, it's on AO3 called 'What Does A Cat Have To Do To Be Redeemed Around Here?'

[ar1suu]

helppp, does anyone know a twst fanfic about being isekai, like the reader is iseaki into a type of otome/manhwa where the test housewenders are some villiains and one by one reader manages to make them fall slowly for her. I don't remember much just that it was very long and that every house wander had their own division(?

edit: someone has helped me find it, tnks everyone who searched for that fic 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

link

[raysfixations]

Wondering what fics I have in progress right now?

Me too! I'll share some summaries. :)

Short Stories to Calm the Racing Mind - This is going to be a one shots that I deem unusual enough to include in this bundle. They may or may not be connected in any way, who knows?

Caution: May Bite - A short fic to kick off the new series of one shots! Sheldon receives a package in his mailbox one morning while going against his usual routine. The suspicion of what could be contained inside this mysterious package messes up his whole day rather by just a small piece or entirely different from how it should've gone.

Project Toxic - The pharmaceuticals lab that Penny and Bernadette work at mess up an experimental liquid drug, creating a noxious gas that infects the air. Everyone in California sets to panic, including the seven friends who were just moments ago eating takeout and chatting.

Untitled WIP 1 (Not promised) - A Shamy honeymoon! But... TNK sequel? After being married at sixteen, they must have a honeymoon!

Untitled WIP 2 (Not promised) - Another TNK sequel about Sheldon’s aversion to PDA :)

Untitled WIP 3 (discontinued) - Sheldon and Amy on Halloween with their son, Leonard! This fic will be posted Halloween night on Tumblr instead of ao3, considering it's not able to be satisfyingly finished.

[veniceil]

I hope halloween brings me totally degenerate fics, tnks

[thepaladincosplays]

Rogen and Artemis go to the Ghost Zone, but things take an unexpected turn at their arrival...

The next chapter for The New Kids y'all! I know it's been a hot minute since I've updated the story but working on another Future AU fic (that'll be dropping tomorrow) got me energized to work on TNK again. Stay tuned for more!

Artemis belongs to @princesscallyie

[jupiter-soups]

you're such a tease (with your fic titles)! 👀😂

gimme the third Untitled and 'u think he hates u'

pls n tnk u!

hiii my beautiful taylorino ≽^•⩊•^≼

i somehow already got asked for the third doc, so here you go <3

okay so for the u think he hates u fic

BASICALLY it's a boston!au where joel is always staring at you and being vaguely offputting whenever you try and do business with him and tess, despite you being relatively decent friends/acquaintances with them. you assume that he just hates you like he hates everyone else, but then he has to leave to deliver ellie and he can't help but visit you at your apartment before he leaves.............

teehee

luv u, thank u for sending me an ask bestie!!!!!!

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic) part 5

('In love with my hatred')

/What exactly are we?/

Kyle goes through old memories between his younger self and his 'buddy'.

Slight warning ⚠️ this is a very disturbing fluffed caramelized deranged fic, kinda, not really. Just watch yourself when you press 'read more'.

Author's note: I've been so— sleep deprived guys sorry I'd I've been lacking, I'm gonna be out for a couple of days so my chaps are either gonna be short, rushed or a little delayed than usual 😭

I also want to mention that I appreciate the support I'm receiving! @liabilit-e I'm still considering on posting it on AO3 but Idk if it's just me but everytime I try loading the page it gets all laggy and slow so it's kinda not something I'm thrilled about, but still, thanks for the support! 💓 @myst1calx I think I've bother you enough but I appreciate the offer! I'll try searching for solutions but if I don't, Ik where to go, tnks;)

~~~~~~

Kyle couldn't get a bit of sleep, tossing everything aside from his desk to his floor, books flying everywhere papers spreading across the room as he slammed the table with both his fist, externally wanting to not be heard but hoping internally someone could hear him, understand him.

Frustration streamed in his veins, glassy eyes that began to sting feeling a boiling sensation in his feet; that becomes too annoying to ignore needing to move them left, right, on top of the other, bottom again, move move move until you start feeling your legs numb themselves having to force moving them aswell, arching his upper back releasing unwanted stress, the tension on his neck worsening as his growing headache resurfaced.

It was like a damn fever everytime he found himself wide awake until four in the morning, drinking coffee to make himself not dose off. Now he finds himself so use to the routine his brain makes him stay awake until it's 'time for bed' even if he doesn't drink coffee and actually attempts to sleep early.

How can you procrastinate while trying to sleep? Doing shit your brain makes you think you should do just in case you forget tomorrow.

'Write that down, Kyle' 'why didn't I think about this before, I should write it now before it gets even more late!' 'If I do this now, I won't worry tomorrow' tomorrow, tomorrow, 'tomorrow' ironically being morning, and initially the new day.

Technically being 'tomorrow', technically tricking himself going in to some ongoing messy loop.

Contemplating himself in his reflection against his laptop, he couldn't help it. Work was stressful as it is, and now having Cartman up his ass with messages asking 'wym by 'boyfriend', jew?' He hated not knowing what to respond, in all honesty, why the fuck did he even say that? Why let Kenny's teasing get him so bad? It wasn't even as bad as Cartman's taunting.

And kissing Cartman infront of the whole school? Words spread like fire, his parents heard of it from Scotch's who heard from Marsh who had heard it from Jimbo who was told from Donovan! And so on so on!

This was getting outta hand, and he didn't know why he even let himself be put in a situation he wasn't even sure he could even say regretted of.

He grabbed his laptop slamming it shut as he went downstairs going in to the garage; grabbing a hammer and heading outside in the now snowing weather, the sun was about to rise now claiming for a new day to begin.

He threw his laptop hard in the ground beneath him 'thump', slamming with force the first hit with the hammer 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Shesst' 'thwack!' 'thwack!' Hit by hit getting more aggravated, taking all his frustrations, concerns and thoughts aways.

'Why did I commit to this!?'

'Why do I care so much of what others think!'

'Why do I feel like I'm gonna mess it up somehow!'

'Why commit to something you're not sure you'll end up finishing!'

'It was too much work, so much time consuming, so much of his soul, sweat and tears put in months, weeks, days of work and he knew damn well he'll still make the effort to continue doing it'

'Risking his health both physically and mentally for a dumb grading'

'Exposing himself being in 'love' with a fat psychotic fuck, either have his heart broken or be disappointed for any outcome awaiting for him'

'He wasn't sure he could even say he loved him, but fuck he couldn't deny his attraction'

'Even if things went south, he promise himself HE would be the one to break up with Cartman, never reverse! If it isn't him saying 'goodbye' than Cartman will sit his ass down and wait!'

'If someone's deserving of another heart break it's Eric Cartman!'

He panted heavily as cold sweat drained his face, halting seeing his mad 'creation', a man walking his dog passing by the sidewalk eyeing him weirdly before continuing his pace. He sighed as he let go of the hammer; falling to the ground, sinking deeply in the snow.

He swiped some sweat off his forehead 'good thing he had all his work saved in the cloud'. And thanked God he didn't burn his paperwork.

Feeling a buzz in his pockets, he took it out and responded:

'Mornin' to u, fatboy'

°°°°

"It's okay bubbie, we don't judge you for your awful taste," his mother reassured in a soothing voice squeezing his cheeks with both her hands making him pout, "Besides there's nothing wrong with being gay, we support it, we support you," with a loud 'muack' staining his left cheek with some of her red lip gloss.

"Ofcourse, however we would judge you immensely if you're the woman in the relationship," Gerald added as he fixes some issue on the tv, Ike nodded in agreement as he passed a screwdriver to his dad.

"Gerald!," Sheila screamed, sending him a scowl.

"What?"

"It's true, ma, if someone deserves to take it up the ass, it's Eric. He's a piece of shit and has teased Kyle for being a 'no good jew' for years," Ike commented before passing some duck tape.

"WHAT WHAT WHAT!? language mister! That's your future brother in law you're now talking about," Her mother attempted defending him but he noticed how she glance upwards contemplating it aswell.

"Yikes," Ike shuddered by the thought and realization.

That's all he could recall of how his family reacted to the news, now walking to school as he avoided the bus and Cartman all together. It was funny that the other day it was the complete opposite. He wanted to be close to Cartman, see him, talk to him and now, he wants to avoid even glancing at him.

So he thought.

Cartman was his 'boyfriend' everyone would expect for he to act like one, probably even Cartman himself.

He scratched under his hat, trying his best to ease his nerves.

Third period in and no sign of Cartman, 'the fuck did fatass go?' He thought, bouncing his leg anxiously focusing hard in to paying attention in class, but his eyes couldn't help but glance at the empty seat behind him.

"Kyle! Stop being a complete gaywad cause your little boyfriend went missing for a day ¡and pay attention!," Garrison screamed annoyed, making Kyle snap back at the board, some of his classmates snickered and whisper.

Stan glanced at him but he avoided looking back at him.

At lunch he texted Cartman asking him why he didn't bother going to school, but received no response in return.

He found that odd, maybe even second guessing if Cartman was actually taking in this new 'thing' going on between them any better. 'What if fatass was just as evasive with the subject as he was trying to do?'

He hesitated, as he munched on his food oblivious of the stares he's getting.

Dashing to his locker he went through his stuff and got a small key hidden behind some old markers; he should definitely throw away but didn't. He headed back to class as he waited for school to end straight up heading some old abandoned building they use to hide out as kids. Becoming the new 'freedom pals' headquarters, 'base' or whatever. He was the 'chosen one' for key keeping; mostly preventing Cartman to find it and scratch up all their things in spite, he was the only villain who was out to get them.

He opened the big metallic door with a 'creak' as it opened slowly, the hide out was never use nowadays and he hoped no hobos had crashed it by now, he honestly didn't care as long as he didn't encounter one at that moment. Right now that he needed something. He remembered having hidden it right in this base, away from Cartman, as it was the only place he was sure Cartman wouldn't grab it and use it as leverage against him.

He remembers how stoked he was to have found a small compartment underneath the floor, and how secretive he was deciding to hog his discovery for himself. Under a big rug he managed to peel it off dust spreading across the room, coughing heavily as he cringed by the bugs and mold that came out from it.

Moldy, greasy gross pictures spread in the compartment as a wet smell came out.

He went through all those pictures, memories flooding his head as he gather them up, shoving some old toys aside as he finally brought to his chest the red box he's been looking for.

Closing behind the metallic door as he went out and walked back home, now dark as he finally arrived.

He entered his room, locked his door as he approached his messy desk. Carefully placing the box there.

He wouldn't dare admit it, fuck, he probably could never. But countless times of him and Stan taunting Cartman over his diary was one of their favorite things to tease him for, cause it was 'funny' 'cringe' 'girly', etc, so the fact he did the unthinkable.

Funny enough, he made sure to consider his own a 'journal' than a diary, nonetheless it's still similar to one. It had everything he's written from age 7 to 9, it wasn't too big neither was he constant with it but it was definitely personal, and after that he never actually found himself writing shit down, he had other hobbies he was more interested of and honestly, wasn't his thing.

He admired the crappie scribbles with crayons and markers cover, all now full of mold, smudges and peeling edges. Still, in his eyes, it was beautiful. He remembered how proud he was to have finished it, and how each page was filled with passion and sincerity. To the good days, to the sad days, angry, stressed, nervous, anxious, spiteful, envious, sorrow, regret, it was a whole ride.

It was a stress reliever for sure, and somehow he understood why Cartman was so into it. But he really couldn't help but to NOT put that much effort in it. He recalls various times just not feeling himself to fill a page, no energy or just didn't care, but he pushed himself forward onto atleast writing two paragraphs. Cause if he stopped a day, it'll make him delay his enthusiasm making him forget the whole thing after skipping a few.

He opened his first page and he chuckled.

'NOT' in red for emphasis, 'a diaRy'.

Everything was blank besides the black and red ink.

He flipped the next page,

March 1, 2019

'Dear future self,

Today I've decided to write down and for each passing day until my last page, about my daily things or whatever.

To be honest I'm not sure, but I'll give it a try.'

The instruction page was simple yet explanatory, he flipped a couple of pages cause some he'd recognized; either boring or some about his procrastination trying to peek up again and force himself to atleast write he ate some cereal that day.

Halting in one peculiar page not far from those other ones, the edges were covered in pink crayon making it noticeable of being 'personal' to 'super personal'.

March 23, 2019

'Things went overboard with skank hunt (cartman) we had to put an end to it, it was hard, neither did I or Stan wanted to do it. But they did, they ended Cartman, he just couldn't stop no matter how many times they warned him.

That fake act he was putting wasn't fooling anyone, it was painlessly ridiculous how pathetic he looked thinking he'd convince us.

Still, the guilt eats me alive.

Is this what it's called betrayal? Certainly. Did Cartman deserve it? Definitely.

So why do I care so much about that fat piece of shit?

Why does my heart ache thinking about what they did?'

March 23, 2019

'If anyone could hear me, if I could tell myself to not do it, if I could back track time I would go immediately. We were wrong, we took Cartman down for no reason.

It wasn't him, it's silently breaking my mind right now.

I feel like my heart broke in pieces after that revelation, I don't know for sure why. But fuck, I screwed up.

I feel like the dirt and ground I'm steeping in would fall beneath me, falling straight to an abyss.

Looking at Cartman was like a punch in the gut a wound being spread in to my chest as a knife poke out from inside. Being stabbed.

If I could've listened to him, if I believed him...

Pain, a aching sensation spreading in my body, the wound sting. It burned.

And I can't find myself forgiving myself anytime soon.

I cried today.'

He couldn't help himself but to pace a finger gently on to that page, remembering vividly those memories spread back in his mind, feeling immensely what he had felt those past times.

Reconnecting to his younger self.

He flipped through two pages already knowing the rest.

March 25, 2019

'Heidi Turner, a girl I just found out will be willingly capable of dating fatass.

I still can't believe it, it's impossible to grasp upon it. Who would want to date Cartman? In what world would that be possible? Clearly in this one.

Fuck, the images resurface my mind everytime I shut my eyes, Cartman holding Heidi's hand, him making some gay ass necklace for her, smiling wide to her. Beaming as he was the most happiest boy alive as if they didn't broke his shit not long ago.

My stomach revolts by the thought, by the damn memory. I feel nauseous even writing it down, right now I feel grossed out. I want to vomit-

All over Cartman, that piece of shit is asking for it, this is all his fault. Like usual.

I have other worries to deal with, why does fatass always does something to keep me off track of what's important?

Fuck him, and fuck this shitty skank hunt situation.

And fuck girls! Fuck them all!

Butters is right they don't need to try to fix the girls shit by degrading themselves, they needed to show them that they had enough and they've tried, but now they're standing up for themselves for what's right. Cause they're going overboard with their bitch attitude.

So I'm sticking to it.'

Flicking some further pages he 'tsk'.

April 19, 2019

'Do I like Heidi Turner?

Or is it because she's Cartman's girlfriend? She deserves better than to date a asshole, he is only gonna cause her pain.

I've thought I just wanted to prevent a tragedy, save her the damage he'll cause her eventually. But maybe the girls are right? Maybe I am kinda interested in her. She's cute and seems smart, the type of girl anyone could fall interested, no?

Cartman isn't happy with her, he bitches about her all the time. She doesn't deserve that.

He doesn't deserve to be that miserable either, technically, he is helping a friend out, right?

It's not like that relationship is going anywhere, Cartman should just dump that poor girl already.

I feel pity, but I also understand if it was easy to be manipulated from that douchbag. No one can understand Cartman the way I do, no one can see through his lies, posture, gestures, words even see the mischievous glint in his eyes everytime he thinks he could trick him.

I hope she now realizes it isn't a easy deal, kisses and praises won't change Cartman, I doubt anything will. But still, Heidi seems too naive to realize, considering the girls aren't really trying to put an end to her relationship with Cartman, I thought it'd be a good idea to intervene.

But maybe I was wrong? I didn't expect to develop some sorta crush on Heidi, now that I think about it, I don't.. really feel anything but sympathy for her.

But if the girls think that I may be attracted to her maybe they see something I just can't see yet.

Maybe I do like Heidi.'

He unintentionally shook his head, grasping the idiocy of his own denial mind.

April 23, 2019

'I 'fought' Cartman today, kinda. It was just a tiny punch in the face that knocked him out cold.

He was being a douche, couldn't just move on from Heidi. Just couldn't let go because maybe spite? Or maybe he just likes being able to degrade someone who he knew will still be stuck on to his bullshit with 'no' choice but to deal with. Someone who'll indulge him, praise him and naively expecting him to change. Even though they were being manipulated by him that very instant.

Still, I MAY feel a little bad.. for doing what I did.

It's more of a certainty to show what it REALLY is to be in a healthy relationship, and to make sure no one fell again into Cartman's manipulative lies.

Someone has to teach him a lesson, someone has to put that fat bastard in his place. Someone has to make him realize it's not worth chasing after a girl that isn't doing anything wrong but like him back. Someone he truly just doesn't like and just uses to pin his shit on to them, dragging them with him. Turning them in him.

It's like Cartman was self destroying himself even more as that relationship continued to build, and planned to just take Heidi with him as it falls down.

Cartman wasn't happy, he was bummed all the time, and his energy just seemed drained. I find it quite annoying, mostly when he bashes about it and saying it's because of Heidi yet he showed no mean on dumping her anytime soon.

Good to know he didn't have to, making it easy for him to just move on!

Pretty much she handed him a way out and he shoved it up his ass. Typical Cartman, can't let something go if it doesn't end his way, childishly whining and making a fit as it didn't go as planned.

Claiming he no longer wanted to deal with Heidi but now begged to have her back, that he 'needed' her to be happy when he fucking wasn't.

What class of miserable logic was that?

Oh, I am now also dating Heidi Turner.'

April 25, 2019

'My first date with Heidi was unexplainable, it didn't last at all. She ended things off the moment I was immediately ready to take her out for a nice evening.

I'm disappointed, I tried, I really did, but I underestimated Cartman's commitment and stubbornness.

She was too far lost in Cartman's lies, he isn't gonna stop her now. She chose this path might aswell stick with it.

I already had gotten in to it too much, I was even warned and I didn’t listen, now I’m paying the consequences for it.

I've gotten my heartbroken two times and my hopes have been dragged enough, I'm not gonna follow in to this mess any longer; just listen to my friends on doing nothing and let it be.

If they want to willingly destroy each other, I won't care, it's not my problem anymore.

He'll realize eventually how bad it is to continue tagging along something he's forcing himself to be stuck with, instead of just using his common senses and rationalize his choices.

Even though it'll probably take awhile for he to do so, probably even get his balls kicked while trying to pathetically deny that his 'happiness' relied on only some girl.

Fuck Cartman.'

November 26, 2019

‘Cartman recently got broken up, now it seems to be legitimate. It also seems he had no plans on trying to pursue her any longer, he seems to have gotten over it very quickly even looked relieved.

I could probably say that fat fuck learned his lesson.

Things have been getting normal lately, the usual, but I figured I should just put a end to this chapter as I can now say for sure Cartman had also put it to end.’

He continually flipped page after page, reading through other small memories to heartwarming one of his friends or family. Stopping in to another peculiar but fond one.

December 2, 2019

Things like these are not meant to be forgotten, I must write this down engraving the essence of it, barely baring the possibility of it even happening

I just.. unbelievable, it’s fucking unbelievable.

Might as well shoot me in the head cause my eyes and ears just witnessed something mythologic. Something surreal that shouldn’t had happened but has somewhat craved seeing.

Generosity, from no other but from Cartman.

Me being proud of the fatass would be a underestimate, I can't described in exact words how I felt at that moment but I'll try describing it as best as I can.

Today was typically leveraging, having to be put up with the adults of town do something absolutely bizarre (stupid), we had to deal with Randy so we were targeted separately as being 'trouble', we as children were being pinned the blame on, than to the actual culprit.

It pissed them off ofcourse but it wasn't no surprise for them that Randy had use that excuse for his own dismay.

Somehow Stan managed to get us out from the cell we were put in, so it wasn't also a surprise for us to finish off the hell fire Randy Marsh had spread.

Apparently they needed something of great value to stop the gigantic robot that destroyed buildings in a dramatic 'godzilla' manner. People screamed in terror as they ran until they felt they were capable of going to. And well us four were confused, we weren't like at a place to go back home and get something valuable. We were stuck and in a middle of a crisis.

At the moment we were gonna give up and surrender as we had nothing, Cartman spoke up saying 'I do' and took it out from his pocket while grumbling under his breath unheard words as he gave the scientist (who was helping us) a small golden ring he previously had bragged about to me and the gang 'ha-hahaha! I got gold and you don't! Hahaha-ha! You cant steal this from me Kahl I'll have it on me 24/7 you sneaky little rat!' In his annoying mockingly manner and his dumb little dance as he sang it in tune.

We were all left bewildered, I know by how I had glanced to the guys to see if what I saw was real, and their surprised expression confirmed it.

Cartman gave his most precious ring to save south park out of his own will and heart.

I thought it was some type of charade or something with double gain but it seemed he didn't planned on doing anything at the end of it, just leaving home and cursing us out for being 'lame'.

It was so dreamy seeing him do that, he looked amazing doing something good for once, adorably innocent, I think he noticed it wasn't 'normal' of his character so he covered it up with a 'I'm doing it for Stan cause I know deep down he still cares for his dumbass dad,' But even that left me in 'awe'.

Fucking unbelievable.'

He continued flipping through pages realizing it wasn't so far off for him to start developing a sorta thing for fatass. He looked at a scribbled down page from the top, the writing was place on the bottom as if he was rethinking his words and overly stressed about it as he had ripped down some previously pages before writing on this one.

He realized this was already in the period of the covid crisis.

August 22, 2020

'Today was worrisome, Stan was acting differently (stress) motivated on wanting to help Butters build a bear during our school lockdown.

Ofcourse that just lead problems and various kids die (including kenny) in the process as we had convinced everyone to help out, we weren't supposed to escape neither ran off in the neighborhood.

Hiding from the police as we broke in the build a bear shop, Stan desperately attempting to build a bear while we tried reasoning with him that it was impossible without an adult's help, while surrounded by police officers outside.

And then there was Cartman AGAIN leaving us bewildered as he gave up the pangolin pitying Stan, again, for Stan.

It was starting to be a sorta thing of his to be doing small acts of good being 'Stan' influenced, it was starting to bug me.

I told Stan off on the phone before bed; what was up with him and Cartman but he was left confused and I hanged up before he could say anything.

The fuck with those two?'

He flipped through those pages smiling incredulous realizing how dumb he was to not see his own jealous arising.

September 10, 2020

'I told Cartman off his bullshit but it's like he didn't get me at all, that piece of shit.

I had told him in a way that didn't expose my skepticism without ridiculing myself but also in a way that he'll understand instantly.

'What? Are you gonna go do something about it for your boyfriend?' I had told him.

We were discussing about continuing on heading downtown and hang out or follow through whatever Randy had gotten in to revolving his weed business as he had called pleading Stan to help him with something while we were already on the way.

Stan groaned annoyed hanging up pinching the bridge of his nose contemplating on doing his dad's request or not, Cartman chimed in shrugging it off saying 'maybe if we take a cab and go to the fist seven eleven we see; grab the cheapest lighter there is and just swoop in, give your dad the lighter. Probably expecting it to last a minute-' he kept blabbering some type of vengeful scheme while Stan grunted shoving his hands inside his pockets.

'I dunno man, I'm really tired of Mr. Marsh issues rubbing on us,' Kenny told the four expecting for us to continue the first plan we had in mind.

'Yeah, but if Stan-' Cartman tried speaking for Stan, and when I mean TRY, I meant I interrupted him.

'What? Are you gonna do something about it for your boyfriend?'

I saw how Cartman acted as if he didn't know what I meant, arching those thin brows of his and squinting his glinting eyes in 'confusion'.

It pissed me off some more.

But Stan intervene claiming he really didn't want to get involved in his dad's shit today so we left it there.

Was it too much? No. I think. I'm just tired of this dumb act of Cartman's but I'm also tired of Randy's charades like Kenny had stated, it's just too much.

And what's up with Stan not saying anything about it? Like, he's just shrugging off that Cartman has openly stated most of the time being 'him' the reason he does nice things.

That's not normal, I wouldn't just shrug it off if I we're Stan.

I.. I'm not sure exactly what would I do if it were ME he'd do those nice things for, but I know I wouldn't ignore it. I'd probably ask for an explanation or something, fuck, maybe even see his limits, push him through exposing those good layers in him, analyzing his every movements, gestures, words, see if I could captivate some lie or genuine act.

Fuck, I wish I were Stan.'

Flipping through more pages, he recalled many other questionable moments between him and Cartman but this one stole the take.

July 9, 2022

'It was a blissful and snowy day, and Cartman couldn't stop nagging about me not getting him a birthday present.

In reality, I didn't give him a present cause I really didn't know what to give him (he isn't really easy to please when it comes from me.) So I justified myself saying he didn't deserve it and 'why would I want to give anything to someone who's a egocentric selfish piece of shit?', which isn't entirely untrue either.

In all honesty I was already getting tired of Cartman's nagging so I decided to go to Walmart and purchase some pizza rolls and call it even.

But, I just couldn't help myself but to eye a nice ceramic shiny white tea set that was placed in display. I remembered how Cartman has always had a thing for that type of stuff, he loves tea and also loves to do tea parties (which was very embarrassing) but nonetheless was something I knew he liked and I just remembered how Cartman still kept his old tea set in use, he was probably not capable on just buying a new one.

That was the perfect damn present, okay? I didn't have a choice.

It wasn't too much of me to go into a competition of pottery crazy lovers and compete for some limited edition tea set made from some old japanese master they idolized as some god, just for Cartman.

Okay, I may had done a little too much effort, but I was determined on not losing against a bunch of geeks, alright? NOT just Cartman.

I limped tirelessly twoards Cartman's door step with a tea set in hands, knocked clumsy trying to not fall in the ground by my wobbly legs.

And just shoved it in Cartman's arms as he opened the door with pj's on, declaring it was already late at night when I had finished that whole ordeal.

'You better not break it fatass.'

And I left, hoping Cartman would stop complaining of my absent present once and for all.'

He smiled knowingly he did. Tracing with his finger a couple of scribbles down at the end edge were he remembered he tried venting out his feelings with out actually really ripping off the page he wrote just cause he was angrily embarrassed to admit how much he WANTED to get that tea set for Cartman.

How he knew it'll make him happy. How he'll love it.

And worse part of it all, he was right. Cartman loved it and he really didn't know what to feel everytime they'd go to his house and he’d see the set place in his table, so neatly place it looked intentional.

Prev

[tenshinokorin]

Wolfwood looked down at the pattern he'd made from the metal scraps and beheld a giant cross of steel, as tall as a man, whose function was unclear, but not so its menace. From the middle, a grimacing skull stared up at him through the rust, like a just-discovered skeleton, bared teeth and eyesocket hinting at the whole corpse. Wolfwood's mouth went dry; a shaky, anxious feeling gripped his heart like the hand of a dying man.

Past lives are bullshit.

[wonusite]

WAHHHHHHHHHH I LOVED CROSSING BOUNDARIES SO FUCKING MUCH U DONT EVEN KNOW, I COULD MAKE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT IT, IJSICJAJZIAI I LOVE U AND ALL UR WORKS OMG (tnk u for the shout out i think i teared up a lil ngl)

- dilf cheol nonny

PLS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT FR OMFGGGG. AND I HAD TO SHOUT U OUT R U KIDDING THE FIC WOULD NOT EXIST IF IT WASN’T FOR YOU 😭💕

[witchywcmans]

just read needy and tnk u for the food 💕 also wondering if u plan to write more aki x reader if u need more inspiration material i rec bluebird it's just the right csm angst level for our loverboy 💕

aaaaa thank you so much for reading!!!! I looooooved writing needy so much, I wrote it during a very interesting part of my life lol where I NEEDED (wink wink) some kind of aki fic like that 🫶 I do plan on writing more aki!! it’s been hard to find time with work, but I really wanna get back to writing a new fic, hopefully next month when things are less hectic. and THANK U SM FOR THE REC!!!!!

[s3lcth]

Oh actually how abt a idiots to lovers Woonhak fic (im the same Person as before)

ooouuuuuu i'll think abt it!!!! tnks for the ideaaaa💕💕💕

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

tnks for the book recs. I rlly need more friends. Do u think I can recommend a few accnts to follow and why I like talking to them?

you're welcome!!

I know that making friends can be really challenging. I never had friends until I started becoming active on Tumblr. For me, sending asks about anything/ask games, reblogging fics etc. is a great way to start getting to know people. You'll learn who you mesh with!

Some of my friends on here are @reidsbookclub @boldlyvoid @reidslibrarybook @brokenbellss @foxy-eva @spencerreidat3am @candlesandsoftrain

They are all really wonderful people! You'll find your group/person :)