#like again this man is. gay homosexual into men. and he began dating some woman who spited and hurt me and fed every insecurity i had.

[barnbridges]

my ex boyfriend and my bully from hs just got divorced, what we drinking girls.

[sjw-publishings]

Stay Straight Babe

“Im so glad I still have my lovely boyfriend with me during Quarantine, Amirite Cherry?”

“Yeah...hehe, so glad to have Sammie with me too...”

Anton, the Drama Queen laughed with his lesbian shy bookworm bestie as they discussed about theatre and all about. Of course, they would’ve invited their lovers along, but they were too busy being techno geeks and talking computer games in their gaming rooms.

“Did you have lunch yet?”

“Yeah, tried takeout from that famous Chinese restaurant downtown! Was super good!”

“Oh my god! Me too sistah!!!”

“OooooooAHHHH!”

A large groan came from their study, where his boyfriend’s currently at. Anton naturally looked concerned for his boyfriend.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know! But something came from Sammie’s room too...”

“Yeah! I gotta check Kenny, Brb!”

Ending the call, Anton left the bedroom, and headed his way outside the study, about to open the door, but then a loud masculine voice rumbled from behind the door.

“Samantha? You’re just such a great fri... girlfriend... eungh so hot...”

Samantha? Who is that....But more importantly, why would his friend...boyfriend be moaning to a lady? Is he...cheating on him? But that can’t be, his geeky nerd cutie is as queer as a three dollar bill! But still, he had to check it out....that deep voice certainly did not sound like a nerd’s...

“SO HOT!”

As Anton walked into the room, his eyes widened at the pile of clothes and tossed garments on the ground. Large XL sandblasted jeans, track pants, sneakers. Tons of sports posters and trophies decorating the shelves, and a large television screen playing the latest soccer match...though for some reason, he vaguely recalled seeing football and baseball at intervals.

But it definitely did not look like a study room...despite him initially thinking that it was. Alongside a couple of dart boards, some sports equipment, and a pool table, seemed like a recreation room...but since when could they afford...

“oooooOOOOAAAAAAHHH!”

A large moan came from the couch, as Anton came to the front of it, all his eyes focused on was an incredibly muscular asian hunk man-spreading in bliss, dressed in a white tee with an iconic sporting good logo in the front, left hand gripping his cellphone while his right hand dug deep into his clean white boxers. The man panted out of relief, and relaxation, like a weight lifted off his shoulders. Whispering into branded phone with his deep husky, asian tone.

“Stay Straight Babe~”

CLICK!

So hot...NO! Anton get a hold of yourself! Who was this Asian man? Where was his roommate? He had to get questions, even if this...extremely hunky cutie, looked so sexy dazed and looking up.

“What?...Who are you!”

The Asian man snapped out of his trace, eyes opened...but ever so slightly. He was asian after all, but he was chill...in control. Still leaning back on the couch, he looked at Anton, puzzled, before looking down at his exposed boxers and then back at the stranger. His mind cleared up in an instant, forcing out a-

“Kevin Lang, Fag!”

The man said it, and gave that signature sarcastic response from only a jock bully like him. Smirking condescendingly, he was in charge, and that theatre gay started to tremble.

“Listen Queer, I know you’re thirsty and all for men during this. But some of us got girlfriends who we can’t visit. So stop being a WUSS and deal with it.”

“I...wasn’t...I...”

Now this really pissed him, not even caring about the stickiness on his right hand, or that he had a pitched tent. All he knows now is to deal with this gay of a roommate who spied on him and his girlfriend. The tall 6ft 2 jock cornered Anton to the door.

“Go jerk to your boyfriend or something...oh that’s right! Even a FAG like you doesn’t have one!”

Anton was in tears, he remembered the countless dates that he had, alongside the taunts made by this douchebag Kevin who somehow managed to wolf his way into his life throughout college. He had to get out of there..., quickly opening the door and running back to the bedroom, locking it.

“I...I have to call Cherry...”

As he typed for her number, a sudden ringing notification popped up for the name Chelsea. Must be a typo when he was saving Cherry’s contact right? Cause that number definitely was Cherry’s.

“Anton....”

“What happened?”

Almost suddenly, his mind shrugged off of whatever his homophobic roommate had said. His best friend was weak right now, he had to help her.

Gripping ahold of the phone, he didn’t notice the warm tanned spot spreading on his palms, down his wrists every second as he held the cellphone.

“Samantha...called me a dyke.”

“Samantha?”

“You know! My roommate, the one that’s dating yours!”

It made sense now, the two of them bonded over how much they despised their roommates bullying...and the strangeness of how the douchebag jock and queen bee couple somehow always interfered in their respective love lives...

Clutching the phone tighter, his wrists tightened as definition thickened his forearms. Curling his biceps subconsciously, toning strongly till they were the size of baseballs.

“Yeah Kevin was such a douche, had to defend myself from him tryin’ to whoop me...”

“Yeah, had to backflip and dodge Samantha’s attacks. Didn’t feel good knowing she still holds a grudge about me being a dyke.”

Heh, he knew his best friend could handle herself. She was still a cheerleader in training, but could whoop Samantha’s arrogant butt anytime. Must also be her half asian genetics like his.

Sitting up straighter, Aiton’s broad shoulders filled out his sweater, which almost ripped if it was not for that white stain sealing up the cracks. That white stain...which came from Kevin...right? Was there a stain?

The white coloration spread all across the attire, shrinking up the sleeves to simply resting just below his shoulders, accentuating his large biceps which he proudly admired. Alongside his large back which occupied his entire bed...wait, didn’t he?

Taking a closer look at his bedroom...wait, looking DOWN at his bedroom. He was on the upper bed of a double decker, with training equipment at the side and a couple of sports memorabilia which looked reminiscent of the recreational room.

Yeah of course that douchebag Kevin had to have most of the room with his crap...though it was not all bad. He worked out quite often during his spare time...outside of that artsy degree he had no idea why he took...did he take an artsy degree? He shrugged, doesn’t matter, he worked out.

Anyways it showed, leaning back and taking full charge of the entire bed. At least he was the alpha HERE! Listening to what his best friend spoke...though she was mostly talking about drama with her roommate, not the kind of thing he was interested in.

But he always liked her voice...

“At least...I think I like girls? But that was an accident! I don’t like Samantha!”

Aiton nodded, unsure of what to say, but felt...pretty cool about it. Crossing his legs, as he saw those large trunks that trained...almost like for years. They which reached the end of the bedside, as those khakis lengthened and stretched into XL sweatpants...gotta snatch that back his junk from Kevin later, but not now. He was cool, now. Kicking off his large trainers which went-

CLUNK CLUNK!

As they hit the floor, wiggling his size 12 feet beneath those white socks. Kevin could insult him all he wants later, it was his room too. The fledgeling Jock can say whatever he wants to anybody, and he says-

“You were like ‘I think I like girls’, sounded pretty dyke to me.”

Aiton smirked, teasing the cheerleader from across the phone. He always liked doing that, he was in charge after all.

He knew how icky the two cheerleaders felt towards homosexuals...but then again, wasn’t he a bit rude towards them as well? Not as bad as Kevin but an occasional joke here and there meant nothing right?

“Who you callin’ dyke, Fag?”

“Who you callin’ Fag, Dyke?”

Okay...maybe he didn’t like being called Fag either. But it was just insults between him, Cherlse, and Kevin and Samantha. Anyone else and they answer TO HIS FISTS....except maybe ladies...especially hot babes.

He began to palm himself, and as he kneaded his hard rocket, he sneered in disgust over a rainbow wristband on his wrist. He blinked, in its faggy place was a white sports watch. His rocket doubled up in size, while darkening in tan, its always time to be a Jerk, just like his Bro Kevin.

“You know i get weak when you use my own words~”

Cherlsea opened up her phone webcam, and Aidon did the same. Both smirking at the other. The Jock knew it was always ladies first, but he was a Jerk so-

“Oh damn...she’s hot!”

“Of course I am, do I still look pretty dyke to you~?”

Watching her seductively pose on her bed, it felt like ages since he had seen a woman like that! In that revealing tank and double Ds he could just!

SQUEEZE!

“Oooaahhh!”

Squeezing his own chest, feeling rock solid muscle layering his nipples, pectorals filling his sports shirt massively like the man he was. Feeling those abdominals as a well deserved 6 pack emerged from years of crunches.

“I....I NEED RELEASE!”

“So hawt~”

“I...I AINT A FAG!”

“Course you aren’t hunky~you are so hawt, ooooooaaaaah!”

The Queen Bee’s second in command had let out her mating’s call, the asian babe was too much for the Douchebag Jock’s right hand man, and vice versa. As their desires linked up, with the help of a fortune cookie they ate prior, they were about to finally be set into motion.

Each of them felt a tight stinging to their holes simultaneously. As the Asian Jock’s butt hole tightened, the Cheerleader’s lady hole expanded. Like a trade of preferences, but that is not all.

As testosterone pumped in the man, churning larger sacks, as he watched his babe’s hair lengthen, his shrunk, and BUZZED off the sides and back, leaving a stylish gelled top, maintained with a pair of shavers, scissors, and his Bro. Not actually brothers, but they were asian , jocks, and total jerks. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were related.

Speaking of Asian, his tan had bathed his facial features alongside the rest of his body. Cleansing the GAY away from him as his jaw hardened into a fierce square. His lips snarled in momentary disgust, before his raising his cheeks, as that scowl shifted to an arrogant smirk as he watched his girlfriend do the same.

“Ooooaaaaaah~”

His brows complimented his prominent features, as they frowned, closing his eyes as his girlfriend’s moan was too much to bear...he needed RELEASE! RELEASE!

“OAAAAAAAH!”

Aidan Long expelled a thick goo from below, as his eyes gave way to a thin fierce asian dark brown. Staring into the ceiling in a haze...before the sounds of his lover’s panting sent him back to reality.

“Man...that feels good, but still miss our hot damn ‘Dragon and Empress’ sessions before all this happened.”

“Yeah totally...stuck with bestie the whole day is fun and all but...she and your douche roommate keep doing it all day.”

“Caught him jerkin’ off too jus now...”

“Whaaaaaat! Omg same, saw Samantha doing that too!”

“Course...nothin’ beats my empress...”

“Same for you too...my long muscular dragon.”

Almost instantly, the doors slammed open. Of course, Kevin had the spare keys to the bedroom too, and he was sneering right at the door.

“AND YOU SAY IM A FAGGOT!”

“SHADDUP KEV! YOU GAY!”

“NO YOU GAY!”

“NO YOU GAY!”

“HAHAHA!”

The two jocks laughed arrogantly, before sneering at each other. The two of them were thirsty, and they understood and respected that.

“Ohhh almost forgot, mwah mwah mwah!”

“Mwah mwah mwah back to you GAY!”

Kevin left the room, most likely going to order more of that Chinese take out or something. Doesn’t matter to Aidan though...he was friends with the man, but he wasn’t INTO INTO him.

“I swear this stay at home thing is turning me gay...”

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with some bonding sessions. Me and Samantha are pointing each other’s nails later on, and that isn’t DYKE!”

“Yeah, should probably binge watch soccer with that douche. Felt like We haven’t did a sports marathon in ages!...No homo of course.”

The two of them chatted for a while more, loving the company of the other intimately as they teased one another like the lovers they are.

But they eventually have to go to other stuff. And by stuff he wants to do, is CHILL.

“Love you hunky, talk to you l8r!”

The Jock simply posed to the camera,and spoke.

“Stay Straight Babe”

[thecoleopterawithana]

The next night Elliot [Mintz] took us out with a friend of his, Sal Mineo, and we all went to a gay cabaret/discotheque. John was oblivious to the gay ambience. He was curious about everyone's sexuality and liked to gossip about who was sleeping with whom, whether they were gay or straight. John made no judgements about homosexuality but was really curious about who was and who wasn't gay.   He knew that his appearance at a gay club might start rumors about his own sexuality, and it made him laugh. He told me that there had been rumors about him and his first manager, Brian Epstein, and that he usually didn't deny them. He liked the fact that people could be titillated by having suspicions about his masculinity. Then I was the one who was laughing. "How could anyone believe a man who likes women as much as you do is gay?" I told him.   After the show we went back to Mineo's apartment. I was thirsty, and Mineo told me to look in the refrigerator. There was nothing in it but one big bottle of amyl nitrite.   Mineo told John that he knew Ava Gardner. "I'm a real fan of hers. I love Ava," John replied excitedly.   Mineo went to the phone, called London, woke Gardner up, and told her that John wanted to speak to her. John took the phone. "Ava, is that you? Ava, I think you're beautiful. I've seen all your movies. Christ, is it really you?" They spoke for five minutes, then a thrilled John handed the phone back to Mineo.

In May Pang’s Loving John (1983).

-

[Once again, a million thanks to @eppysboys for sending over passages of interest.]

-

Elliot Mintz (born February 16, 1945) is an American consultant. In the 1960s and early 1970s Mintz was an underground radio DJ and host. In the 1970s he became a spokesperson for John Lennon and Yoko Ono, and took on other musicians and actors as clients as a publicist, including Bob Dylan. [...] 

Though not in a professional capacity, since the death of Lennon, Mintz has acted as a spokesperson for the Lennon estate. In addition, while sifting through Lennon's belongings, he discovered hundreds of unreleased tape recordings including half-finished new songs, early versions of famous hits, and idle thoughts. Beginning in 1988, he hosted a weekly syndicated radio series based upon these recordings called The Lost Lennon Tapes, which was broadcast for about four years. After the show came to an end, Mintz began hosting the spinoff radio program The Beatle Years. Mintz has appeared in feature documentaries about Lennon and Yoko Ono, including The U.S. vs. John Lennon, Imagine: John Lennon and The Real Yoko Ono. In 1985 he was a technical advisor on the television film John and Yoko: A Love Story. He also authored an essay about his relationship with them published in 2005 in a book entitled Memories of John Lennon. [Source]

-

Salvatore Mineo Jr. (January 10, 1939 – February 12, 1976) was an American actor, singer and director. Mineo is best known for his Academy Award-nominated performance as John "Plato" Crawford opposite James Dean in the film Rebel Without a Cause (1955). Mineo also received a Golden Globe Award and an Academy Award nomination for his supporting role in Exodus (1960). A 1950s teen idol, Mineo's acting career declined in his adult years. He was murdered in 1976. [...]

By the early 1960s, Mineo was becoming too old to play the type of role that had made him famous, and his rumoured homosexuality led to his being considered inappropriate for leading roles. [...] In 1969, Mineo returned to the stage to direct a Los Angeles production of the LGBT-themed play Fortune and Men's Eyes (1967), featuring then-unknown Don Johnson as Smitty and himself as Rocky. The production received positive reviews, although its expanded prison rape scene was criticized as excessive and gratuitous. [...] By 1976, Mineo's career had begun to turn around. While playing the role of a bisexual burglar in a series of stage performances of the comedy P.S. Your Cat Is Dead in San Francisco, Mineo received substantial publicity from many positive reviews; he moved to Los Angeles along with the play.

Mineo met English-born actress Jill Haworth on the set of the film Exodus in 1960, in which they portrayed young lovers. Mineo and Haworth were together on-and-off for many years. They were engaged to be married at one point. According to Mineo biographer Michael Gregg Michaud, Haworth cancelled the engagement after she caught Mineo engaging in sexual relations with another man. The two did remain very close friends until Mineo's death. [...] While some have described Haworth as being nothing but a close friend and a "beard" to Mineo to conceal his same-sex partners, Michaud casts doubt upon this claim; he asserts that Mineo and Haworth's relationship was genuine, that Mineo fell in love with Haworth, and that Mineo regarded her as one of the important people in his life. [Source]

“Portrait of a Marriage really disturbed [John]. The book was an account of the fifty-year marriage of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicholson, both of whom were bisexual and continually unfaithful to each other, yet were able to evolve a relationship of great depth and longevity despite the incompleteness of their marriage. John was very distressed by the theme of sexual incompatibility in the midst of great emotional attraction and the fact that no matter how hard one tries, a marriage may always remain incomplete.”

In a 1972 interview with Boze Hadleigh, Mineo discussed his bisexuality. At the time of his death, he was in a six-year relationship with male actor Courtney Burr III. [Source]

BH: Who are those two girls you mentioned, for a double date?

SM: (Laughs.) Are you kidding? I got a girl in every port- and a couple of guys in every port, too.

BH: Do you think rumors about being bi have hurt you in your career?

SM: Maybe. . . Nah, I doubt it. Everyone's got those rumors following him around, whether it's true or not. Everyone's supposed to be bi, starting way back with Gary Cooper and on through Brando and Clift and Dean and Newman and . . . you want me to stop?

BH: Did you resent the rumors?

SM: Well, no. Because what's wrong with being bi? Maybe most people are, deep down.

BH: Shirley MacLaine has publicly said that.

SM: I think she's right- got a good noodle, Shirl does. But anyhow, the rumor about me, from what I hear, was usually that I'm gay. Where, like, with Monty Clift or Brando, the rumor was that they're bi. [Brando later publicly admitted to bisexuality.]

— Boze Hadleigh’s interview with Sal Mineo (1972).

-

“John and I had a big talk about it, saying, basically, all of us must be bisexual. And we were sort of in a situation of thinking that we’re not [bisexual] because of society. So we are hiding the other side of ourselves, which is less acceptable. But I don’t have a strong sexual desire towards another woman.”

Have you ever? “Not really, not sexually.”

One online satire imagined an affair between Ono and Hillary Clinton.

“It’s great,” Ono laughs. “I mean, both John and I thought it was good that people think we were bisexual, or homosexual.” She laughs again.

What about that old rumor that Lennon had sex with Beatles manager Brian Epstein (which was also the subject of the 1991 film, The Hours and The Times)?

Lennon himself said: “Well, it was almost a love affair, but not quite. It was never consummated. But it was a pretty intense relationship.” Later, Lennon’s friend Pete Shotton said Lennon had told him that he had allowed Epstein to “toss [wank] him off.”

“Uh, well, the story I was told was a very explicit story, and from that I think they didn’t have it [sex],” Ono tells me. 

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

-

Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?

A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.

Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually ‘keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…

A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway, I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..

Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40…

A. Yes, there might be nothing better to do, tho I don’t believe it.

— John Lennon, interview conducted by/on John Lennon, and/or Dr Winston O’boogie, for Andy Warhol’s Interview Magazine (November 1974).

-

John: [...] I was trying to put it 'round that I was gay, you know– I thought that would throw them off… dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys… but it never got off the ground.

Q: I think I’ve only heard that lately about Paul.

John: Oh, I’ve had him, he’s no good. [Laughter]

— John Lennon, interviewed by Lisa Robinson for Hit Parader: A conversation with John Lennon (December 1975).

-

Like other alkyl nitrites, amyl nitrite is bioactive in mammals, being a vasodilator, which is the basis of its use as a prescription medicine. As an inhalant, it also has a psychoactive effect, which has led to its recreational use with its smell being described as that of old socks or dirty feet. It is also referred to as banapple gas. [Source]

Popper is a slang term given broadly to drugs of the chemical class called alkyl nitrites that are inhaled. [...] Popper use has a relaxation effect on involuntary smooth muscles, such as those in the throat and anus. It is used for practical purposes to facilitate anal sex by increasing blood flow and relaxing sphincter muscles, initially within the gay community.

"If you trace the bottle of amyl (a type of alkyl nitrite) through late 20th century history, you trace the legacies of gay culture on popular culture in the 20th century”

The drug is also used or for recreational drug purposes, typically for the "high" or "rush" that the drug can create.

Poppers were part of club culture from the mid-1970s disco scene and returned to popularity in the 1980s and 1990s rave scene. [Source]

“A cable had arrived for him that very morning stating the obvious: ‘Come too quickly. Stop. Try again. Stop. Am waiting in Paris. Stop me if you’ve heard it. Stop. Stuff yourself with artichokes and live. Stop. Don’t stop. Stop.’ He knew it was from Amie L'Nitrate.”

— in John Lennon’s unfinished story about a sudden rendezvous in Paris. Published in “Skywriting By Word Of Mouth”.

-

Ava Lavinia Gardner (December 24, 1922 – January 25, 1990) was an American actress and singer. [...] Gardner appeared in several high-profile films from the 1940s to 1970s [...] She is listed 25th among the American Film Institute's 25 Greatest Female Stars of Classic Hollywood Cinema.

-

Answered asks about:

John’s sexuality

Yoko and his sister Julia’s public statements about John’s sexuality

John "trying to put it ‘round that” he was gay

The Bob Wooler Episode

The Tony Manero Story

[Disclaimer: The answer to these asks represent my personal opinion at the time, which is liable to have evolved since then.]

[winedad16]

15. Being Together Is A Rarity

Masterlist

Previous Part

AN: Warning for sexually explicit content (male-on-male anal sex).

TW for mentions of abortion, homophobic slurs, small hint at concentration camps. Overall warning for Germany being on the brink of war.

Translation(s):

Wehrgesetz- Defense Law Weihnachten- Christmas

May 1935

“Wehrgesetz?” Freddy questioned.

     Klaus looked to the man beside him who was reading over his arm.

“Yes, it’s unsettling,” Klaus said. “Looks like they’re planning for war.”

“They can’t be… there’s nothing to…”

“This violates the Treaty of Versailles,” Klaus said, the back of one of his hands slapping the page. “Compulsory service, it’s conscription.”

“I’m, I’m sure we’ll be okay. This could be a part of a government regime, there’s probably something going on legally with the other countries behind the scenes,” Freddy said, more so to make sense of it for himself.

     Klaus sighed.

“I’ve been through one war already, Finkie. I’m sure we will become a part of the party through this. We won’t have a choice.”

     Freddy shook his head.

“We’ll be serving the people, not the government.”

     Klaus ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sure I’ll be getting a letter,” He sighed.

“What for?” Freddy questioned, looking up at the brunette.

“I was a lieutenant, Freddy. If there’s conscription they’ll be calling us back,” Klaus paused. “But… it would be nice to have some kind of purpose again.”

     Freddy frowned.

“But you’d be leaving.”

“Of course, it’s just a hypothetical.”

June 1935

     June 28th, 1935. Paragraph 175 of the German penal code was tightened up. It was now illegal to have friendships with homosexuals. Chronic or “incurable” homosexuals were being jailed.

     With the amount being reported on, Freddy couldn’t help but wonder where they were placing all of these people. Not just the gays, but the Jewish, the Roma, the disabled… The undesirables. There was simply not enough room in the jails for them all. They couldn’t be killing them, there were no signs of deaths in the paper or any talk of it in the town.

Where were they being placed?

     The crackdown on homosexual friendships and activities frightened the two men more. Klaus had suggested to Freddy that he should make an effort to go out with a few women, which Freddy took quick offense to.

“Finkie, I’m not saying you have to do anything but as a young man people may find it odd that you’re not making an attempt at courting a woman,” Klaus explained.

“I… I don’t know Klaus,” Freddy began. “I don’t wish to lead anyone on.”

     Klaus sighed, he knew that feeling.

“Freddy, for roughly twenty-five years of my life I led on whoever I needed to. It was a survival tactic.”

     Freddy’s hands fiddled with his keyring.

“You know my heart will still lie with you if I do,” He promised.

     Klaus gave him a comforting smile.

“I would never doubt that.”

July 1935

     Freddy was giddy as he waited for the knock on his door. Klaus was coming over to visit. They hadn’t seen each other in a little over two weeks. He missed his better half and the girl he had just gone on a date with was driving him crazy. He needed an evening with Klaus. He had only been sitting there for a short time but it felt like ages. He had already unlocked most of the latches. His leg bounced as he checked his watch.

Three past eighteen hundred.

     It was early, but Freddy knew it couldn’t run late to avoid suspicion, plus it would leave time for dinner later. He took a drag from his cigarette and stood up. He paced the hall to and from his room to the sitting room, puffing his cigarette. He didn’t smoke much, but in the past six months of the year he had picked it up. So much was going on, it was one of his calming agents. He knew his mother would be all over him for it, but she didn’t need to know. Anita was already stressed enough over her on-and-off sickness.

     Freddy’s attention shot over to the door when he heard a series of knocks. He smiled and made his way down the hall. He promptly put out his almost dead cigarette in the ashtray. The blond pressed out his polo shirt with his hands and took a deep breath. He opened the door and was greeted by Klaus’ smile.

“Hey, it’s been a while,” The brunette greeted.

“It has! Come in,” Freddy welcomed, taking notice of the jacket that was awkwardly placed in Klaus’ arms.

Why does he have a jacket with him? It’s July… Freddy thought to himself as he closed the door.

     As if Klaus could read Freddy’s mind, he lifted the jacket to reveal a small bouquet of edelweiss flowers. Freddy gasped at the sight.

“I got these for you,” Klaus said, handing them over.

“Thank you…” Freddy said, a large smile spreading onto his face. “You do know that these represent-”

“Deep love and devotion,” The two recalled at the same time.

     Freddy giggled and rotated the flowers in his hands.

“Let me put these in a vase and then I’ll properly say hello,” Freddy said as he headed towards the kitchen.

     Klaus grinned as he watched the blond leave the room. He missed Freddy’s youthful spirit. He missed everything about the man, for that matter. The way he talked, the way his hand covered his mouth when he laughed, the smell of his hair product, the smell of…

     Klaus sniffed the air around him. It was cigarette smoke. He looked to the ashtray. Klaus knew Freddy didn’t smoke unless he was stressed or upset. He frowned.

     Freddy reappeared in the sitting room, vase, and flowers in hand.

“Thank you again. They’re so lovely,” The blond said, placing them down onto the coffee table.

“You’re welcome,” Klaus said with a soft smile, wrapping his arms around Freddy in a hug.

     Freddy grinned and wrapped his arms around the brunette.

He missed this.

     As they embraced, Klaus noted how they were about the same height now.

How had he not noticed?

     Klaus raised one of his hands to Freddy’s face, gently cupping it.

“How are you?” He asked, concern in his voice.

“I’m great now,” Freddy replied,

     That was technically the truth, Freddy’s mood greatly improved in just the past few minutes. But he could feel the slightest hint of tension between them.

     Freddy placed a kiss on Klaus’ lips. Klaus frowned, tasting tobacco on the blond’s lips.

“You’ve been smoking, what’s the matter, Finkie?”

“It’s nothing serious, I promise,” Freddy reassured as he unconsciously licked his lips. “Just a weird date.”

     Klaus raised a brow.

“With that Klara girl? She sounded nice.”

“No, no, it’s a new girl. Ida,” Freddy sighed. “She went to, um, kiss me. She wasn’t too happy when I declined. Called me a fag and everything.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Finkie,” Klaus stroked the man’s cheek with his thumb. “You don’t deserve that.”

     Freddy slightly shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s my reality,” He said, placing his hands on the brunette’s biceps. “Besides, I have you to love me.”

     Klaus smiled and rested his forehead on Freddy's.

“And you always will.”

     Freddy smiled and pulled his head back, looking into Klaus’ eyes. Both leaned in for a kiss, their lips melding together as their hands repositioned themselves on the other male. Their long soft kisses deepened, turning into shorter faster ones filled with teeth. Their lips never truly parted, taking turns on sucking the other’s tongue as the other gasped for air. Freddy didn’t know where this all suddenly came from but didn’t complain.

     Klaus’ hands traveled down the blond’s sides to cup his ass, giving it a squeeze. Freddy moaned, his grip on Klaus’ biceps tightening as he pulled himself even closer, pressing his body to Klaus’ more muscular one. Klaus felt a prodding by his thigh and smirked into the kiss. He glided his hands from Freddy’s behind to the waist of the blond’s pants. The two stumbled up against a wall, taking a moment to truly come up for air.

     Suddenly, Klaus slipped a hand into Freddy’s trousers, grabbing the blond’s erection through the thin fabric. Freddy’s hand shot up to his mouth, biting down on his thumb as he repressed a moan.

When had Klaus undone his belt?

“When was the last time we did this?” Klaus asked.

“A long time ago,” Freddy moaned out.

“Too long,” Klaus murmured, pressing his knee into one of Freddy’s legs, pinning it to the wall.

“You know,” Freddy quietly gasped out. “The other week, I…”

     Freddy didn’t finish his statement, deciding against it.

“You what?” Klaus asked.

     Freddy shook his head, biting down on his finger to suppress his moaning. Klaus took Freddy’s finger from his mouth, running his own fingers over the blond’s pink lips.

“You can tell me.”

“I can’t,” Freddy moaned out. “It’s embarrassing.”

     Klaus smirked, pulling his fingers off of the younger man’s lips, replacing them with his own lips. Freddy moaned into the kiss.

“It wasn’t that way when you started.” Klaus murmured as he lightly bit the blond’s bottom lip.

     Freddy responded by bucking his hips, trying to bring attention back to a more “pressing” matter.

“Oh, did it have something to do with this?” Klaus asked, his hand slowly massaging Freddy through his boxers.

      Freddy moaned out, biting down on his own lip when he realized how loud it was.

“Did you think of me?” Klaus asked in a husky tone, a wide smirk on his face.

     Freddy nodded his head, a knot forming in his stomach. Klaus smirked and pulled his hand out of the blond’s pants. Freddy whined at the lack of contact.

“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” Klaus said with a smirk.

     Freddy breathily laughed.

“Don’t be a dick.”

“Mm, maybe.”

     Klaus moved his knee from the blond’s leg and Freddy pushed off the wall. The blond grabbed the sides of Klaus’ face, hastily pressing his lips on the other man’s. Klaus deepened the kiss, holding onto the blond’s hips. They didn't have the patience to come up for air, their lips constantly staying close and colliding, their lungs burning. Their hips pressed against the other’s, muffled moaning erupting from the two.

“Let’s, let’s go,” Freddy panted in between kisses.

     The two scrambled down the hall to Freddy’s bedroom, the blond shedding his polo in the process. Freddy promptly swiped the comforter off the bed and laid down. Klaus straddled him, rolling his hips which elicited a loud moan from Freddy. Freddy’s eyes went wide and he covered his mouth. Klaus hastily undid the buttons to his top and shedded it as he gazed down at the blond. Freddy smiled as he watched the brunette lift his undershirt over his head, tossing it aside. Klaus leaned down, kissing the blond beneath him. Freddy wrapped his legs around Klaus, pulling him closer, his hands scratching and grasping at the brunette’s back. Klaus’ hands pulled at the white undershirt that Freddy was wearing with a displeased grunt.

“This…” He began, pulling his lips off the blond, sitting up. “...off.”

     Freddy removed his hands from the older male and removed the fabric. Klaus smiled as he looked down at the blond, letting out a sigh.

“What is it?” Freddy asked, balling up the shirt and tossing it.

“I’m just taking this moment in… Taking you in,” Klaus replied, leaning back down, interlacing his fingers in Freddy’s, effectively pinning down his pale arms.

“You just like seeing me shirtless and pinned down onto the bed,” Freddy replied with a smug smile.

     Klaus hummed in agreement and the two went back to kissing and groping the other. By now, Klaus had figured out all of the places to kiss and bite at the blond’s skin that would stay hidden but still restrained from leaving more than just a few marks. Instead, he focused on the blond’s nipples, sucking and biting them.

     The noises that came from Freddy as Klaus swirled his tongue on the pink buds were greatly erotic. There was an increased throbbing between Klaus’ legs now. The want for further pleasure was growing greater by the moment for the two.

     Freddy bucked his hips as Klaus pushed his own down. Freddy was getting impatient, his fingers squeezed the brunette’s hand and kept bucking his hips.

“So, how are we doing this tonight?” Klaus panted out as he lifted his head from the blond’s chest.

      Freddy’s ankles interlocked behind Klaus’ back, pulling the brunette back down.

“I want you,” The blond replied, before adding another comment, even more demanding. “Take me.”

     Klaus felt his dick twitch when he heard Freddy’s tone of voice.

Holy shit. Klaus thought.

“Of course,” Klaus cleared his throat after hearing his voice crack. “Though, you are going to have to release your death grip on me.”

     Freddy quickly removed his legs and Klaus pressed his crotch into the blond’s a final time before sitting up and standing. Freddy propped himself up on his elbows as he watched Klaus take off his belt and unbutton his trousers. Klaus paused, looking at the blond.

“You gotta get undressed too, that’s half of the deal here,” He said with a smirk.

     Freddy’s face flushed.

“I’m just enjoying the show. You’re quite the spectacle.”

“I can give you more of a show if you take off those pants,” Klaus retorted with a smirk.

     Freddy grinned and quickly kicked off his trousers, watching as Klaus hastily pulled his own down. Klaus looked at Freddy, his eyes trailing down to the man’s crotch, getting a better look at the bulge between his legs. The sight made the man groan. Freddy smirked.

     Klaus removed his boxers, shuddering as his erection hit the slightly cooler air. Freddy grinned, his mouth watering at the sight.

“Flip over,” Klaus said, kneeling back onto the bed.

     Freddy quickly flipped over onto his hands and knees and Klaus kneeled behind him. The brunette pulled down Freddy’s boxers and off his ankles, looking at the blond’s ass. Klaus placed his hands on the blond’s hips, rubbing small circles into them.

     Freddy moaned out in desperation.

“Are you ready?” Klaus asked.

     Freddy whined out a humming noise, rocking himself, his dick throbbing.

“ Yes. ”

     Klaus positioned himself and pushed into the blond with a low moan. Freddy hissed, his fingers tightly grasping at the sheets below him. Klaus waited a moment, letting Freddy adjust. When the blond untensed, Klaus began thrusting into the younger male. This wasn’t new for either of them, both experiencing this before with the other, in multiple ways. They understood the other’s needs as their skin slapped together.

     Freddy moaned out as Klaus fully entered him, hitting his prostate. The blond bit his lip to suppress his noises as Klaus’ pace quickened. His dick was throbbing, it was begging for a release with every thrust into his ass. Freddy tensed as he felt his orgasm coming on.

     Klaus rolled his head back in pleasure, moaning out.

“Freddy, you’re so tight,” The brunette groaned, slowing down his pace.

“It’s just because you’re so-” Freddy yelped as the older male’s rough hands grabbed his cock. “ Arousing .”

     Klaus’ hips occasionally jerked as he stroked the blonde, his body wanting more friction.

“Klaus… Klaus ,” Freddy moaned out. “I’m almost there.”

     The brunette slowed his pace to a stop, focusing on working the blond to his finish. Freddy came to his peak moments later, his head spinning from the stimulation. The blond let out a cracked moan, his arms slightly buckling as he cummed onto the sheets below him. Klaus released the blond and rubbed his sides, listening to Freddy’s breathing.

“Finkie…” Klaus breathed out. “Are you okay for me to continue?”

“Mhm,” Freddy hummed out, wanting to feel Klaus move inside him more.

     Klaus slowly began thrusting into the younger man to allow Freddy to readjust before increasing the pace. Freddy was down on his forearms, his mouth being covered by his hand as Klaus slammed his hips into him. His vision was going blurry.

“Mm, K ,” The blond moaned out through his fingers.

     Klaus continued to thrust into the blond, his pace becoming sloppy and his thrusts coming at a random pace. The brunette’s hands squeezed Freddy’s thighs as he came to his climax, causing Freddy to squeak out in surprise. The brunette gave a final thrust with a grunt as he orgasmed.

     Klaus slowly pulled out and collapsed next to the blond. He took a deep breath, taking in both the humidity and the smell of sex in the air. Freddy snuggled up to the brunette, pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

“That was great,” Klaus whispered.

“It was, I missed that,” Freddy replied.

“I did too. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Freddy said as he slowly propped himself up and carefully hovered over the brunette, their chests only centimeters away.

     Klaus raised his hands, lovingly cupping the sides of the blond’s face.

“You’re perfect,” He whispered, looking into Freddy’s blue eyes.

“Thank you,” Freddy said with a smile, rubbing his nose on Klaus’. “But you’re the perfect one.

     Klaus chuckled.

“I’m definitely not but thank you.”

     Freddy lightly pressed his lips to Klaus’.

“I love you,” Freddy murmured on his lips.

     Klaus lightly bit at Freddy’s bottom lip.

“I love you too, Finkie.”

     The two stayed there, looking into the other’s eyes, enjoying the moment. Freddy felt his eyes well up with tears after some time.

“What are these for, darling?” Klaus asked, his hands moving up the blond’s face, his thumbs wiping the tears away.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Freddy whispered.

“I do too,” Klaus replied, his hands lowering down to the blond’s jaw.

     Freddy snuggled his head into Klaus’s touch. He then lowered himself down to Klaus’ chest, wrapping his hands beneath the brunette’s shoulders. Klaus smiled and lazily wrapped his arms over the blond. One of his hands massaged the back of Freddy’s head, his fingers intertwining into the blond locks.

“I could fall asleep right here,” Freddy sighed. “Just like this, every night, with you.”

     Klaus’ pleased smile became a sad one. He wished they could have this every night. The more time they spent together the more they wanted a normal life. They both craved domesticity so badly.

     “Maybe we can, one day,” Klaus whispered, having a rare moment of optimism.

     Freddy hummed in response, thinking of what they could have in another life. They laid there in each other’s arms, for how long they didn’t know, just listening to the other’s breathing. After some time, Freddy sighed and slightly lifted himself up and kissed the brunette. Klaus reciprocated the short kiss, watching as Freddy pushed himself up.

     Freddy rolled off the brunette, his back cracking. He groaned in realization.

“My body is going to hate me tomorrow.”

     Klaus chuckled, propping himself up by his elbows.

“We’ll have to do a warm-up next time.”

     Freddy smirked, glancing back at the brunette. He reached over and brushed the brunette’s hair back.

“Next time I won’t be the one aching the next day,” The blond playfully implied.

     Klaus breathily laughed, crossing and uncrossing his ankles. Freddy removed his hand.

“Now get up, I have to wash these sheets.”

December 1935

     The cold winter air crept its way into the city’s atmosphere as the month went on. Along with the cold weather came the Lebensborn Project. The SS-group began funding their plan of raising the new Aryan race. Welfare was being provided left and right to unmarried women and mothers and funding was put into racially pure adopting agencies. Abortion was still relatively illegal unless deemed appropriate for any non-Aryan or disabled children.

     Klaus found it disgusting. The idea of promoting pregnancy just to breed out the bad. Freddy didn’t find it appealing either, especially as an apparent young Aryan bachelor. This attracted women to him, hoping that he’d be willing to spread his seed for the greater good of Germany.

     Freddy’s ruse of making public appearances with women was promptly dropped by Weihnachten. Not that he was complaining, because it was tiring to keep it up. It wasn’t more tiring than keeping his true love a secret, but that secret was worth the strain.

Next Part

[janamelie]

LGBT+ Characters

What This Isn’t

A claim of “proof” of the sexuality and / or gender identity of any of these characters.  We don’t need that or anything else to “justify” shipping.

What This Is

A reference post to collate instances in canon which could indicate LGBT+ characters.  In the case of regulars, I won’t include every instance as it would simply take too long.

Rimmer

As I was saying… :p

Honestly, Rimmer is so obviously LGBT+ to me that I don’t know where to start.  How about his reaction to Ace in “Dimension Jump”?

RIMMER: "Commander Rimmer!" I ask you.  "Ace!" Barf city.  I bet you anything he wears women's underwear.  They're all the same, this type, you know, Hurly-burly, rough-n-tumble macho marines in public, and behind closed doors he'll be parading up and down in taffeta ballgowns, drinking mint juleps, whipping the houseboy.

KRYTEN: Sir, he's you!  It's just that your lives diverged at a certain point in time.

RIMMER: Yes, I went into the gents and he went the other way.

KRYTEN: I assume, sir, you are making fatuous references to his sexuality.  If I may point out, if --

Or how about Low Rimmer?  Surely Rob and Doug could have got their point across a little less graphically?

Or if you prefer something less rapey, this passage from “IWCD”.  Unlike the show, Rob and Doug had more time and leeway to explore the characters and this is what they chose to include for Rimmer:

“Rimmer began to regret his outburst. He didn’t like to see his other self upset, and he even contemplated briefly going up to him and giving him a manly embrace. But in a brief moment of homosexual panic, he thought his double might get the wrong idea. Not that he would, of course, because he was him and he knew for a fact he wasn’t that way sexually tilted; so obviously his double wasn’t and obviously his double would know that he wasn’t either, and it was simply a manly embrace meant in a sort of mano a mano kind of way…Perhaps he was tired…Two or three days in bed and he’d be his old self again…Who cared if his copy saw it as a sign of weakness? He’d suggest it anyway.” Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, Grant/Naylor, pg 233.

And this from the end of the “Better Than Life” novel, when Holly - whose IQ has been restored - comes up with a way to bring Lister back from the dead (no, not as a hologram):

“Rimmer stood in the hatchway and his face yielded to a grin, which in turn gave way to laughter.  Not his normal hollow braying empty laughter, this was an altogether different noise.  This was a noise his vocal cords had never been called on to make before.

It was the laughter of joy.”

Better Than Life, Grant/Naylor, pg 218.

I know some fans read Rimmer as asexual and you can certainly make an argument for that, most obviously in “Marooned” where he describes his younger self as not “particularly highly sexed”.  Of course, that wouldn’t preclude him also being homoromantic or biromantic.

Lister

No-one’s denying Lister’s obvious attraction to and affection for women, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be bisexual or pansexual.  In fact, his “I’m not gay!” protestations in “Duct Soup” is a fairly common way for people attracted to more than one gender to describe themselves if they don’t feel comfortable using labels.  Given that he was talking to Chloe!Kochanski to whom he’s attracted, it makes sense that he’d prevaricate like this.

And then of course, in the very next episode “Blue”, he dreams about kissing Rimmer.  It’s not only the fact of this, it’s the subsequent scene drawing a direct comparison between him missing Rimmer and Kochanski missing her Dave - her boyfriend.  And despite the ending of this episode, when Lister actually meets Rimmer again, he’s delighted.  Until he realises it’s not HIS Rimmer and even so, he gets used to nano-Rimmer and they eventually become quite chummy.

Not forgetting the chemistry between him and Ace, of course.

Kryten

I know he's a mechanoid, but no-one has any problem reading his relationship with Mechanoid - and later Blob - Camille as romantic and Camille literally says herself that both she and her husband Hector are actually androgynous, which makes Kryten - at the very least - panromantic.

And that’s before we get to his very obvious love for Lister which he states himself in “Back In The Red”.

Holly

Holly was actually conceived as a female character and became male due to Norman Lovett’s original casting.  Sources: “Stasis Leaked” by Smegazine writer Jane Killick and “The Unofficial Red Dwarf Programme Guide” by Smegazine writers Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons.

With Hattie’s replacement casting and later Norman’s return, Rob and Doug may not have intended to create a trans or genderfluid character, but that’s what they ended up doing.

Holly is also bisexual - male Holly was attracted to Hilly and female Holly to Ace.

George McIntyre

It was actually Rob and Doug’s audio commentary on the pilot version of “The End” on “The Bodysnatcher Collection” which alerted me to this possibility.  I know it’s a stretch but I’m including it precisely because I’m indifferent to George as a character and it makes no difference to me whether someone believes this one or not.

During George’s speech at his “Welcome back” party, he says “I don’t want you to think of me as someone who’s dead, more as someone who’s no longer a threat to your marriages - I think Joe knows what I’m talking about!”

We see a man and a woman laughing and the woman playfully pokes the man in the arm.  He stops laughing and looks a bit sheepish.

Rob and Doug comment confusedly to the effect of “Shouldn’t it be the other way round?  This is one of the things we had no control over at this stage.”

Come on, Rob and Doug.  Not only does this scene appear intact in the final televised version of “The End”, you also included extra background on George in “Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers”, showing the events leading up to his death.  Unlike the hologram he replaces, Frank Saunders, there is no mention of George having a wife or indeed any partner, so as far I’m concerned, we shippers can read whatever we choose into this scene.  We would regardless, but the way canon leaves it is particularly open-ended.

Deb Lister and Arlene Rimmer (“Parallel Universe”)

See previous entries.  If their male counterparts are LGBT+ then so are they, plus I always got that vibe from the performances anyway.

Camille

Yes, everyone uses female pronouns for her as that’s how she presents to the crew, but she says herself: “We’re androgynous, but I suppose you could call [Hector] my husband.”

Noel Coward Waxdroid (“Meltdown”)

Mr Coward was gay in real life and his fictional incarnation here greets Rimmer with “Delighted to meet you, dear boy!”  I rest my case.

Nirvanah Crane

And arguably the entire crew of the Holoship according to her speech: “It's a ship regulation that we all have sexual congress at least twice a day.  It's a health rule … Here it is considered the height of bad manners to refuse an offer of sexual coupling … We are holograms.  There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.  That is why in our society we only believe in sex -- constant, guilt-free sex.”

Does that sound as though they’re fussy about the genders of their partners?  It certainly doesn’t to me.  So:

Captain Hercule Platini

Commander Randy Navarro

Commander Natalina Pushkin

Commander Binks

Sam Murray

From the Series V DVD booklet:

“Briefly revived in “Holoship”, it came as a surprise that Sam was male.  In the original pilot script - and Series 1′s deleted funeral scene - deceased crew member “Sam Murray” is said to be dating “Rick Thesen”.  Possibly Red Dwarf’s first gay couple?”

Cop (“Back To Reality”)

I’m sure it wasn’t written as such and maybe he didn’t intend to, but the way Lenny Von Dohlen plays his character’s reaction to the Voter Colonel just pings my gaydar.

Frank Todhunter (“The End”)

I know the conversation in “Duct Soup” (which also includes a reference to a gay crew member nicknamed “Bent Bob” *cringe*) where Kochanski tells Lister that the Todhunter in her dimension was gay is played off as something she made up to take Lister’s mind off his claustrophobia, but she never actually says as much.  There’s nothing to say that at least part of what she was saying wasn’t true.

Ackerman (Series VIII)

In the Series VIII DVD documentary, actor Graham McTavish says he was playing Ackerman as someone who enjoys sex with women “or at a pinch, men dressed as women”.  So onto this list he goes.

Big Meat (“Only The Good”)

I don’t blame you if you’ve blocked this one out as I find the scene almost unwatchable, but he’s the big prisoner who takes to the idea of being Cat’s “bitch” unexpectedly quickly.

Katerina Bartikovsky (“Back To Earth”)

Credit to @clueingforbeggs for noticing that in “Pete Part 1” Ackerman claims to have been “having jiggy-jiggy with the Science Officer’s wife” and connecting that with Katerina being a Science Officer.  There’s nothing to say that the Joy Squid didn’t conjure up the image of an actual crew member.

But maybe the ship has more than one Science Officer?  Well, the way it’s said makes it sound as though there is only one but in “Holoship” Kryten gives Rimmer a mind patch from two officers, one of whom is Science Officer Buchan.  There is no mention of Buchan’s gender so who’s to say they aren’t also female?

Begg Chief (“Entangled”)

“We prefer the ship of green.  And the sexy light man with the lady legs so long and luscious!”

Chancellor Wednesday (“The Beginning”)

Actor Alex Hardy says in Series X DVD doc “We’re Smegged” that he was playing the relationship between his character and Dominator Zlurth with a homoerotic undercurrent and you can see it subtly in his performance.

Dolphy (“Cured”)

All I’ll say about this one is that if Messalina had behaved towards Lister as Dolphy does in this episode, nobody would have doubted that she was into him.

Ziggy (“Timewave”)

Proof that LGBT+ characters in this show work a lot better when Doug isn’t intentionally writing them as such.  Sorry.

Feel free to add any examples I may have missed.

@lord-valery-mimes  @aziraphale-lesbian   @notalwaysweak  @feline-ranger  @downonthepharm-red-dwarf  @hologrammette  @rosecathy  @cazflibs​

[zachsreaderinserts]

Crash ‘N’ Run

ship: basicallyidowrk x female!reader x fourzeroseven

warnings: homophobia, racism, it's the 50s babe what do you expect, inspired by a webcomic called rock and riot

"This is complete and utter bullshit." Marcel raged, kicking an empty can angrily. I watched him from the sidewalk as he stomped around. Scotty was attempting to calm him down, following him around as he paced.

I couldn't help the disappointed sigh that left me as I buried my head into my knees.

Being in a relationship with two guys wasn't as easy as it seemed. For one, there are many comments about me being a "whore" for dating two men, as well as Marcel and Scotty being called "cuckolds". Two, because we're an interracial couple, we get even more flack for breaking society's roles on us.

And because of those two reasons, we couldn't go to prom together.

We weren't the only ones either. There were Craig and Tyler, a gay couple; Evan and Jonathan, an interracial gay couple; and Anthony and Melina, an interracial couple. We all were rejected from being able to go to prom.

Unwilling to face the principal's wrath, we retreated to Marcel's cul de sac, where he currently was raging his ass off.

"Marcel, Marcel!" Scotty comforted his boyfriend, quickly calming him while I sulked on the sidewalk. After a quiet few moments, my boyfriends joined me on the ground.

"This fucking blows." Scotty murmured, holding my hand. I nodded solemnly, leaning onto his side. I felt Marcel's hand on my back, which meant his arm was around Scotty. "I wish people would just accept us."

"We knew what we were getting into when we got together," Marcel whispered, rubbing my shoulder lovingly. "I just wanted a night with the two most beautiful people in the world."

"Shut up." I grinned, slapping his chest lightly. "That's so cheesy." We all sighed together, enjoying one another's presence.

But that was when I got the idea.

"What would happen if we somehow got into prom and got caught?" The two of them gave me a confused look. "Like, what are the repercussions?"

"Suspension, maybe?" Scotty thought it over, moving his hand from my own to my waist, his letterman jacket providing warmth. "I mean, we aren't seniors, nor are we troublemakers..."

"Don't lie to her, Scot." Marcel teased, grinning softly. "She knows us enough to know that we're anything but angels."

"Then let's go to prom," I suggested, smiling in excitement. Marcel smile changed into a frown once more.

"You heard the principal. No dates that are homosexual or interracial are allowed." I turned my body to face my boyfriends, grinning with mischief.

"Since when did we decide some fat fuck was gonna dictate how we get to spend our Saturday nights?" Scotty's face lit up with hope while Marcel's lit up with boldness. "I'm sick and tired of being shoved around by some balding white man. I'm gonna crash the fuck out of that prom." Scotty sat up, grinning handsomely.

"What's the plan, babe?"

---

"I can't believe we're crashing prom together!" Melina sang happily, thumbing through dresses. "I mean, I knew you were rebellious, but I didn't think you were this rebellious!"

"We all want a night out, so a night out is what we're gonna get." I declared, finding a sparkly f/c dress. It puffed out at the waist, reminding me of a princess dress. "I want that one." I plucked it off the rack, holding it up to my body.

"Oh hell yeah." Melina chirped, looking me over. "Go try it on!"

After wrestling with the zipper, I looked in the mirror, pleased with how I looked. I normally looked like an innocent teenager, but this dress made me feel like a glamorous, rich woman. Give me pearls and I'll knock off the socks of every straight man in the county.

"Y/n, are you done yet?" Melina asked, knocking on my dressing room door. I peeped it open, seeing her yellow, sweetheart dress. "Oh my God."

"You look great!" I squealed, causing her to blush. "Anthony is going to pass out when he sees you."

"Shut up." She nudged me, shaking her head. "You're a riot."

"I know." I winked at her, closing the door.

---

"You look wonderful, Y/n." My older sister, Ryb, complimented me. "Mom would've loved to see you."

"I'm sure wherever she is, she's proud of me." I retouched my lipstick, looking in my vanity mirror. "I'll call you if we get arrested."

"Knowing you, you'll find your way out of it." She teased, taking a photo of me. The doorbell rang, causing me to grow nervous. "That must be your boys. I'll go let them in." As she walked away, I looked myself over one last time.

I was really about to do this. I was about to crash my junior prom. And somehow, the only thing that made me nervous was Scotty and Marcel's reactions.

But as I descended from upstairs and saw their reactions, I knew that there was truly nothing to be nervous about.

"Holy shit." Scotty cursed while Marcel just gaped at me. I couldn't help but gasp at their appearance.

Scotty's unkempt hair was brushed neatly, going very well with his grey suit and f/c bow tie.

Marcel's hair was gelled to create a masculine look, his scruff shaved which made him look older in his black suit and f/c skinny tie.

It took me a moment to remember that these handsome boys were dating me.

"Hey, guys." I meekly smiled, going down the stairs. They stayed silent, still staring at me. The flashing of Ryb's camera brought them out of their stupor.

"Y/n, you look stunning." Marcel smiled, visibly awestruck. "Like, damn."

"Wow." Scotty murmured, cupping my face gently. My face went hot at their attention and I began to giggle shyly.

"You guys clean up nice," I whispered, smoothing out both of their suits. Marcel held my hand to his heart, tearing up slightly.

"If you guys are done being sappy, I'd like to take some pictures." Ryb cut in, making us chuckle. After doing ridiculous poses with one another, we made it out to my car. As I turned on the engine, Scotty leaned in from the back seat.

"So, we're having post-prom sex after this, right?"

"Oh, hell yeah." Marcel and I nodded in agreement as I pulled out from my driveway. "My house?"

"Where else?" I quipped, speeding out of my neighborhood. After a few minutes of driving, we reached the school parking lot. Waiting there for us was Melina, Anthony, Evan, Jonathan, Craig, Tyler, and a lot more people. "Uh..."

"It's all our friends!" Scotty pointed out as we parked the car. I stepped out, recognizing the faces around me. Everyone went silent, smiling proudly.

Gay couples, lesbian couples, mixed couples, couples of all sorts surrounded the few cars in the parking lot. I couldn't help the excited smile that was on my face as I climbed onto the hood of my car.

"I can tell many of you are here for the revolution." Various cheers erupted from the crowd as they looked up at me. "That's perfect. Because we're done being docile. We're done listening to this stupid principal and what he thinks is right for us! I say fuck the norm!" The cheers were slowly becoming louder. "Fuck the homophobic assholes! Fuck the racist assholes! Fuck everyone who says what you can and can't do! Are we gonna take this bullshit or are we gonna riot?"

"Riot!" A booming cheer rose over the parking lot, causing me to giggle with adrenaline.

"That's right, baby! Let's go fuck this prom up!"

And with that, we burst through the entrance of prom, quickly slinking into the crowd. The teachers lost us as we all split up to go wreak havoc.

I spotted the picture booth and immediately grabbed Marcel and Scotty's arms.

"C'mon!" I squealed, dragging them over to pose in front of the cameraman. We did one normal picture before doing stupid poses with one another. I gave the man a twenty before swiping the polaroids off of him and continuing to dash through the prom. Students were watching as we all made our mark, cheering us on.

I made my way to the stage, getting ahold of the microphone.

"I want you all to know that this is a revolution! And we won't be stopped!" I yelled, before turning around and grabbing Scotty's face.

I gave him a forceful kiss before turning to Marcel and giving him an equally passionate smooch. After a moment, I turned back to the mic, slightly breathless.

"And to this stupid motherfucking principal, suck my left tiddy!" I sent out a graceful middle finger before the three of us ran off again. Though this time, we ran out of the gym.

I giggled happily as we circled the school and went back to the parking lot. Marcel was practically skipping, swinging his intertwined hands as we rushed out. Scotty's high pitched laugh pierced the air, his giddiness similar to a child's.

"Last one there's a rotten egg!" He squealed, dropping our hands to run. I followed in suit, picking up my dress so I wouldn't trip. Marcel and Scotty were easily further ahead of me, which was a telltale sign that I was gonna be the rotten egg this time.

As we reached the clean car, we all stopped to catch our breath again. I bent over the trunk, laying flat on my stomach to try and calm down.

"That's a pretty sight," Scotty smirked, looking at me. Realizing my compromising position, I gave him the middle finger.

"You're unbelievable." He laughed again, straightening up his suit. "What do we do now?"

"Let's go get milkshakes." I heaved myself up, stretching.

"Then victory sex?" I snorted, looking at the two loves of my life.

"Then we'll have victory sex." Both of them fist pumped the air before high fiving, making me snicker again.

"Get in the car, you dorks."

[luidilovins]

He told himself just once. One time then that was it. One time Ye-jun was going to steal a Male Physique magazine from the corner store where he got his pack of smokes.

Well, not steal, as he made sure to put enough in the tip jar to cover it. But none the less it made his face numb to stuff the magazine into his jean jacket when no one was looking.

But one time turned into two. And then three.

Eventually he had enough magazines that he was worried he was going to run out of space in the little shoe box he hid them in.

He rationalized it by saying to himself that he wasn't hurting anybody by doing it. He could still love his wife despite his secret. The secret he could only shove as far down as the inside of his bedroom closet would let him.

All the same he usually began his confessions with the same phrase. "I've been having homosexual thoughts." Followed by twenty or thirty Hail Mary's.

His life fit together so perfectly. When his sisters talked him into the date Ye-jun wasn't sure it would stick. His first date with Eun-ae he was quiet and not too attentive.

They were both meek and honestly embarrased about the whole ordeal.

The dates that he went on felt good though. He liked the way she would hold his arm when they walked thought the town, or how she would complain how fast he was driving and clutch her chest like she was going to pass out despite him only driving five miles above the speed limit.

Eun-ae was sweet and he always saw her as a beautiful woman, when neither she, nor her own parents agreed. Said she was too fat.

Ye-jun's parents adored her. Said she would make a great wife. Said that she definitly knew how to cook a good meal, whatever that meant.

So it made sense to him to get married. She was kind and beutiful and would notice when he was beat from work. She would rub his shoulders and kiss his forehead. Thank him for putting up with the bullshit in the workshop. His parents were right. She would make a good wife.

And yet Ye-jun would lay in bed in the small hours of the night, feeling like his chest would cave in at any moment.

He hated the way her breats felt pressed up against his face when they made love. Sex was... fine. But it didn't make up for the heaviness he felt inside him on most days. It made him feel like the only man left on earth. Even when his wife was right beside him.

So maybe a magazine was all he needed. Maybe it was just a want just like every other want he's ever had.

He'd never be an astronaught. He wasn't a smart man. He'd never be tall. He was only 5'6. He'd never get to sit at a white bar with white men and blend in.

Maybe he could keep all of his wants deep down inside his bedroom closet.

Ye-jun knew he was gay in the fith grade. Carl Braxton was this popular boy who had lots of friends. He was good at sports and people always gravitated towards him. At first Ye-jun thought he was jealous of him.

But at some point he realized he didn't want others to look at him instead of Carl Braxton, but he wanted Carl Braxton to look at him. He wanted that boy to notice him and Ye-jun wasn't sure if he hated Carl or wanted to be his friend.

Ye-jun put a toad in his hair and ran away.

Carl Braxton worked in the courthouse these days, and was already showing signs of hairloss. He never did like Ye-jun after the toad incident. Maybe that's whe he was losing his hair.

Ye-jun thought about the toad incident a lot. He thought about stealing magazines so he could run fake sceneries in his head. Of them touching him, or him touching them. He'd feel ashamed afterwards and tell himself never again but he'd always go back to the shoebox whenever he fought with crippling loneliness. He thought about his wife.

His life was played out so perfectly but inside he was dying.

One evening Eun-ae went out with her friends, as she did every Thursday evening, and asked him to put a meal in the oven.

As he prepped the oven, his hand folded over the gas knob, and his mind whispered so loudly to him it made his stomach flip. "Put your head in the oven."

The moment passed but he was left shaking all over.

[rivalsofnycupdates]

“Shame is like everything else; live with it for long enough and it becomes part of the furniture.”  

■ ABOUT. ■

name: Liam Woods age: twenty-five occupation: personal trainer gender: cis-male pronouns: he/him sexuality: homosexual

■ HISTORY. ■

Growing up in around the Royals wasn’t anything abnormal to him, he enjoyed being around the girls, and often followed his older sister’s lead. When he was seven years old, he started to wonder if there was something wrong with him. The guys in his class were talking about girls in magazines, or the girls in the class and all Liam could think about were boys. Though more specifically one boy in particular. He was four years older than him and was so cool. In that same year, he admitted his feelings to a friend in his glass, who immediately accused him of being gay. While even at that time, there was nothing wrong with his sexual orientation. The way his other seven-year-old friend asked him about it, scared Liam into thinking he wasn’t normal.

That moment stunted him, since that moment, Liam started to overly care about his image and his appearance. His parents never understood considering the Royals' automatic history with the city, but he didn’t want anyone to know about his secret. He couldn’t stop thinking of the possibility that his family would react similarly to his friend, and the rest of the Royals members would isolate him as well. This fear of being out of place, and out of the Royals, haunted him for many years. When starting high school, he began dating girls and forcing himself to cope. He always thought that he wanted to be normal, he wanted to fit in. Not ever realizing how normal his scenario was. He was too traumatized at the idea of exile from family and friends he chose to never speak a word regarding his sexual orientation.

As Liam grew older, people would assume he’d grown out of caring so much about his image, when in fact, he simply got better at hiding it. When he turned twenty-one, he and most of his friends went out drinking and got him absolutely drunk. That night he felt like he’d really let loose. He ended up hooking up with the bartender in the staff room. For weeks after it happened, he was terrified that someone from the club had seen him. Though when no one mentioned anything, he assumed he was in the clear. That night changed something for him, he felt a sense of guilt at the pleasure he’d felt thinking about the bartender's lips on his. The man's body against him, that man's hands all over him. The thought of it turned him on. He tried to sink back into the hole of heterosexuality, though he couldn’t. He found himself going to the club, almost weekly in order to see the bartender again.

■ WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? ■

For years Liam has been secretly dating, the man who gave him everything. His first sexual experience, his first relationship, his first hope that he could be accepted. Though stepping that leap into telling his family, or friends was something he couldn’t do. He wasn’t ready. When would he be ready, he didn’t have a clue. The men and woman members of the Royals were like family, but they were still incredibly scary.

■ KEEP THIS AWAY FROM YOUR ENEMIES ■

It’s been four years since he’s been dating his boyfriend. Outside the club, they were exclusive boyfriends. Liam has met all of his friends who lived in the city. Over the last four years, he’s made sure to keep his lives separate though there have been some occasions where they’ve almost collided. Recently, his worlds collided big time and for the worse. While caught up in the moment, he was kissing his boyfriend on the street and overheard his name. When he turned his head he saw Malcolm Miller. In a moment of panic, he yelled that his boyfriend had stolen his wallet as if they didn’t know each other. Before he knew it, Malcolm and whoever else he was with started beating his boyfriend mercilessly. All Liam could do was stand there and watch, as his heart shattered into pieces.

■ RELATIONSHIPS. ■

■Malcolm Alcott:�� Liam and Malcolm grew up as another generation of born into Royals. Liam has always had his back, which is no surprise why he came to his ‘rescue’. 

■ Stephanie Alcott: Liam’s friendship with Stephanie has been growing in recent months. They met drunk one night in Moonlight after Liam and his boyfriend got into a fight. Liam doesn't remember the evening that well, although he’s worried he’s confessed his entire life to her. 

■ Bari Woods: Liam and his mother have always had a close relationship, and if he didn’t have his other world with Owen, he’d find it a lot harder to keep this secret from his family. 

■ CONNECTIONS. ■

■   Karen Woods > Sister ■  Carson Woods > Father

■  Owen Madisson > Boyfriend 

■  Jamie Gomez > Found him attractive 

■  Mia Alcott > Close Friend

Liam Woods is a TAKEN character and is portrayed by Gregg Sulkin who’s FC IS SEMI-NEGOTIABLE.

[collecting-stories]

Breakfast | Finn Shelby

A Peaky Blinders (Tommy or Finn) fic where the reader is a male and this prompt: “Those things you said yesterday…did you mean them?” Where the reader and Tommy/Finn got in a argument.  

Breakfast | Finn Shelbyxmale reader

“Those things you said yesterday...did you mean them?” You asked, sitting on the bed as Finn got dressed to leave. The previous night’s activities did not go according to the usual plan.  

Things typically followed a routine. You and Finn met, but not really, at the Garrison. He was always sitting with his brothers, or sitting with Isaiah and Michael. You would always go to the bar. There might be someone you know but more often you knew none of the patrons. You didn’t mingle with the Blinders or anyone who might do business with them, you were training to become a doctor, going to university in Birmingham and your inner circle looked quite different from Finn’s. It’d been on a rare evening out that you’d even met, standing outside a tea house smoking a cigarette when Finn had asked for one. You didn’t recognise him at first but you thought surely he knew who you were. You’d seen him at the counter when you’d gotten up from your chair, nestled in a small section at the back meant exclusively for gay men.  

You’d introduced yourself and he’d done the same, tipping his cap enough that you caught sight of the razor blade sewed into it. The sweetness of his face, seemingly trapped in its boyhood, balanced whatever fear the razor might have given you and influenced the line of questioning that followed.  

“Is that for protection?” You asked, nodding toward the peaked cap on his head.  

“I suppose yeah.”

“I should get myself one. I’m afraid people aren’t terribly threatened by a pack of cigarettes or a handkerchief.”  

“You need protection?” Finn asked, casting a glance in your direction. It struck him as odd that someone as soft as you seemed, as you were, would need protection from anyone.  

“Yes well, don’t we all?”  

“What do you mean?”  

“Aren’t you? I’m sorry...I just. Well you asked me for a cigarette and I thought.”  

“Thought I was?” Finn looked so confused and so innocently unthreatening, even with his razor blade cap, that your impulse directed you to be more foolish than you had in a long time.  

“Are you not homosexual?” You whispered the word, mindful that you were on the street.  

Finn’s eyes were wider than you’d seen most, the thought entirely foreign to his brain as he scrambled to reply. He shook his head furiously. “I’m not. No, no.” Then he stopped shaking his head and protesting and met your eyes. “Are you?”  

Suddenly realising yourself you dropped your cigarette and stubbed it out with your shoe. “I should really get going, you’re welcome for the cigarette.”  

It was a week exactly until you saw him again. You were sat in your usual spot at the tea house, reading the paper before you had to leave for classes, and Finn had come in. At first you didn’t notice the tall young man as he took off his cap and ran a hand through his short ginger waves, looking around the room. You only realised he was there when he dropped his hat on the table and sat down on the chair across from yours.  

“I would like to take you to the cinema.” Finn announced, though hushed.  

“I’m sorry?” You asked, laying down the paper and meeting his gaze.  

“I would like to take you to the cinema.” He said again, “on a date.”  

The softness of him was far too distracting but you knew that precaution was best in any situation, but especially when they were attractive young men who were doing the propositioning.  

“I thought you weren’t-“

“I...I just want to go on a date with you.”  

The first date to the cinema led to more frequent dates and then to meetings like the one you’d just had the night before. Where he left the pub and then you left shortly afterward, meeting him at the end of the block and then walking to his rented room with him. You never kissed in public or showed any sort of affection outside of his room or yours. It wasn’t that you expected anything more from him and certainly there weren’t too many people outside of tea house and the club in London that knew you and Finn were together. Your family lived in New Castle and his, while he was close with them, didn’t seem aware of his activities.  

So last night surprised you when he announced that he wanted to introduce you to his family. Not simply as a friend either. Which brought you back to now, as he got dressed for family breakfast and you got dressed to leave.  

“Did you mean what you said last night?”  

“Yeah, course I did. Wouldn’t a said it if I didn’t mean it.” Finn replied, leaning down and kissing you, interrupting you putting your shoes on.

“Well I just wasn’t sure if you were just saying it to distract me.”  

“From what?”  

“From what? From that massive bruise on your side.” You replied, gently prodding at his ribs as you passed him to pull on your coat.  

“Careful, it’s still tender.”  

“Sorry love.”  

“Anyway, before you try playing doctor on me again, are you coming around to Aunt Polly’s?”  

“Right now?” You asked, mid-buttoning your jacket.

“Sure, she’s having everyone round for breakfast like always. Good a time as any.” He replied, opening the door for you.  

“Have you thought about this Finn?”  

“Nah, that’s why I wanna do it now. If I give myself too much time to think I’ll back out.”  

In the mornings he usually drove you back to Birmingham. You’d never stayed for breakfast because you were both busy, he had work with his family and you had classes. There was plenty of other time spent but never mornings and especially never around any of his family. Instead of driving into the city center he drove to Polly’s, parking out front of the house.  

You followed him through the door and once it was shut behind you he took your hand. “Polly,” he called, guiding you through the hall. “You in?”  

“Course I’m in, its my home. Where the fuck else would I be?” She asked, appearing in the doorway. An attractive woman for her age but much harder looking than her nephew. She looked at you beside him and then down at your clasped hands making you feel as though you should pull away but Finn gave you a reassuring squeeze and she met your eyes once more. “Where are my manners, come in boys, you didn’t tell me you were bringing a guest.”  

“It was an impulse.” Finn shrugged, “we been seeing each other for a while figured I’d ought to bring him round.”  

The ease with which Finn mentioned you to his aunt was not because she knew anything prior. Or if she had it wasn’t because he told her. It was just that, for all their secrecy the Shelby’s had always been open with each other.  

“Well it’s lovely to meet you, the others will be here soon.” She said, shaking you hand.  

It was as if her words had summoned them because just as you began to reply the door opened and slammed shut again, the noise of visitors coming through. Arthur was first through the door with Billy running after his father.  

“Your brother’s brought a guest.” Polly announced, cautious of little ears that might say things outside of the house but her tone suggested enough by the way Arthur looked between his brother and you, meekly standing by the sink.  

“That right? Tommy owes me a bottle a whiskey then, told him that’s where you were going all the time.” Arthur laughed, his voice seemed to fill every corner of the room. “Good to meet you.” He wrapped you in a hug and squeezed you against him.  

“You as well.”  

“Linda come meet Finn’s friend!” Arthur called as his pregnant wife entered the kitchen, Tommy and his two children coming along behind her. Arthur furrowed his brows suggestively at the word friend.  

“We could hear you perfectly well from the door Arthur.” Linda chided.  

“You know I always thought Tommy should give it a try...he never had any luck with women.” Polly commented as she put the kettle on for tea beside you.  

You looked over at Finn’s older brother, soft face with high cheekbones and lovely eyes. You could see where Finn got some of his looks from, you imagined they both looked like their mother, beautiful in an especially sad way.  

“I don’t bring around everyone that keeps me company Pol.” Tommy replied before turning to you, “pleasure.”  

“All mine really.” You said. As you let go of his hand you looked to Finn, holding Tommy’s daughter in his arms. He smiled at you and you couldn’t help smiling back at him, your nervous meekness melting as Arthur asked about breakfast being ready and Linda tried to corral Charlie and Billy.

I snuck some Bi!Tommy in there too. 

taglist: @danceyreagan @listensweettea @5secondsofjoal @breathlesssouls @kingsmanstories @woeisbutwoe @another-life-addict @my-life-as-a-fangirl  @glopsifum @johhnshelby @thinkingsofamadwoman @mixedwiththemoon @titty-teetee  @queenmissfit @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc 

[azdoine]

A followup on Henry Darger

So about a week ago I made some pretty brusque posts about Henry Darger -- an outsider artist infamous for his depictions of young gender-variant children, both as epic innocent heroes and as victims of graphic violence.

Last night, my copy of Henry Darger, Throwaway Boy by Jim Elledge came in the mail, and I am deeply conflicted about it.

On the whole I think that Throwaway Boy was a necessary book, as a sympathetic, queer, and exhaustively-researched reading of Darger and his work, but it was also a deeply frustrating book.

Elledge presents a strong account of historical queerness during the time of Darger’s life, but he views historical transfemininity as something primarily or solely imposed upon cis gay men, rather than something which might have existed for its own sake; and this colors all of his analysis, not just of Darger. Elledge misgenders and deadnames infamous historical trans women such as Jennie June, claims the hermaphrodite as a figure and symbol primarily of male homosexuality rather than gender-variance more broadly, and, evil of evils, unironically uses the word “transgendered”.

Nevertheless, Elledge presents an almost irrefutable argument that Darger was queer; almost certainly trans feminine, IMHO, although Elledge reads and presents Darger as a cis gay man, perhaps not unfairly.

Elledge’s research contributes a number of items to this end and others, which he relates to the reader:

Henry “Extremely Neurotypical” Darger

Henry “was a little too funny and made strange noises” with his “mouth, nose and throat” during class. He wanted his classmates to think he was a clever, fun-loving boy and hoped they would laugh. His plan backfired. Instead of being invited into the fold as he’d hoped, the other boys and girls were so aggravated by Henry that they gave him “saucy and hateful looks.” Some even told him that, if he didn’t stop it, they’d put him in his place after school.

...

Henry was also called on the carpet for moving his hands up and down and back and forth in the air, gestures that the adults around him probably identified as masturbatory, although he described them as “pretending it was snowing” or “raining.”

The Boyfriend Situation

Henry was proud to boast that “every evening and Sunday afternoons off” he “went visiting a special friend of mine”--”special friend” giving an important clue as to their relationship. In the early 1900s, gay men often used “special friend” and similar phrases as codes for their mates, and with that phrase, Henry cast his and Whillie’s liason as romantic and almost certainly sexual. By also bragging that they were together “every evening and Sunday afternoons” that the two didn’t work, Henry hinted at the intensity of their relationship. Like any couple in love, they spent every free minute that they had in each other’s company.

Marie

Henry... feminized himself in a variety of ways, both in his first novel and in its source materials. Midway through The Realms, Henry included a scene that he borrowed from his childhood, and in it, he depicted himself as "Marie," an adult woman recalling her mother's death when she was a child...

Clearly echoing the scene of his mother's deathbed, Henry depicted himself as a "frightened little girl" who had been "inflicted" with "a wound" in her "soul" that had "never healed." He also revealed that he understood why his father had abandoned him over over and over: because [his mother's] death had "driven" [his father] "insane and he knew not what he was doing" when he threw Henry away. Despite the many times his father abandoned him, Henry, adopting the persona of the mature Marie, was tender and understanding towards his father's grief.

Of Pretty Style

In the penultimate volume of The Realms, Henry added another scene... It’s a memo written by two of his characters, Detectives Fox and West...

Henry depicted himself as one of “the two little girl children of pretty style” who were his father’s daughters. The second “little girl” was his sister, whom he never knew... his anger over his father’s “insanity” and his “foolish grief” that stemmed from “the loss of his wife” comes through loud and clear. In stark opposition to Marie’s recollection, the detectives assert that the father wallowed in his grief and ignored his children, putting their emotional and physical welfare after his own.

Annie Aronburg

To familiarize himself with Church doctrine before taking communion, Henry carefully copied a Roman Catholic catechism word for word from a published edition into a notebook that has been called his Reference Ledger. He wrote an introduction to the catechism that he copied, but he signed it with the name of one of his most important characters, Annie Aronburg, whom he named after his favorite aunt. This is not the only time that Annie had "authored" one of Henry's texts. Two pages into the introduction to the catechism, Annie makes an interesting claim: "I am the full writer of the manuscript as far as it goes of the Glandelinians and the rebels at the child labor places, and will have them published as soon as I can." She, according to Henry, wrote The Realms, and... she thinks it's good enough to publish.

Henry continued to use Annie as a persona, a resource, and a guide outside of the novel for decades. After Sister Rose left St. Joseph’s in 1917, she and Henry corresponded for a short time. One of the things that makes their correspondence so important is the fact that Henry doctored her letters to him so that it appears that she was not writing to Henry at all but to Annie Aronburg. The original version of one, dated June 19, 1917, begins:

My dear Henry

    Both of your letters reached me and I am grateful for your kind thought. I am glad that you are trying to be an even better boy since I left.

Henry's doctored version of her letter became:

    My dear Aronburg

    Both of your letters reached me and I am grateful for your kind thought. I am glad that you are trying to be an even better girl since I left.

He would also revise other documents, such as his discharge papers from the army, by crossing out specific words and inserting others so that the documents referred to Annie, again metaphorically transforming himself into her.

Webber George

Despite all the similarities between Henry and the Vivians, the character who represents Henry most strikingly is not any of the Vivians... but Webber George...

Webber shares more important attributes with Henry than any other character Henry ever created. Henry established the link between himself and Webber almost immediately...

Of all the similarities between Webber and Henry, being a “thoroughly bad boy” is the most important and, ultimately, the most revealing. Henry admitted over and over again how “bad” he had been as a child and gave plenty of examples, but he could never bring himself to reveal why. After strongly linking himself to Webber, Henry made an amazing revelation about Webber and, by extension, about himself: “One cause mainly of the boy being bad, and a foolish one at that was that was because he was angry at God for not having created him into a girl which he wanted to be more than anything else.” Henry’s anger at God, which began when he was five or six years old, was certainly caused by the physical and sexual abuse he suffered, by the jealousy he felt because other children’s parents were taking care of them while his father ignored him, and by the general mistreatment he experienced, usually at the hands of adults. Yet Henry was also angry--which became manifest in his “thoroughly bad” behavior--because he wanted to be female instead of male, just as his ten-year-old doppelganger Webber did...

Webber’s desire to have been born female rather than male was Henry’s. Webber’s anger was Henry’s, too. Webber transferred his anger from God to those around him. He couldn’t lash out at the Divine, so he lashed out at any little girl around him because a little girl “had many advantages which [a little] boy did not...”

Henry pushed the envelope even further a few pages later. He actually entered the narrative and spoke directly to the reader as himself in nineteenth-century fashion. In the process he essentially admitted that he was part of Chicago’s queer subculture. “The reader may think this”--Webber’s desire to have been born female--is “strange,” Henry wrote, but “the writer knows quite a number of boys who would give anything to have been born a girl.”

[werevulvi]

Splitting and merging

I've done a lot of inner work to figure myself out, in my detransition and prior to it. I randomly started reflecting over it again, and this is the (really comprehensive) result. When I look at my gender expression as a spectrum from the most masculine I presented as in my trans man days, to the most feminine I presented as in my pre-transition and early detransition days, I feel that both of those extremes are uncomfortable for me. I've lived most of my life through differently gendered personas. It's been three of them: Kazanndra - was the name I created at age 12 for a self image I wanted to become. She's a hyper-feminine version of myself. We're talking long hair, shaven body, no facial hair, big boobs, narrow waist, big butt, heavy makeup, short skirts, tight tops, high heels, painted nails, etc. Personality wise she's melancholic, submissive, self-harming, and hyper-sexual in a way she tries to take back control by never saying no to any man and being very submissive. She is, in fact, a slave to her own pain and a pawn of patriarchy. For many times in my past, I felt like she was the only kind of woman I could possibly want to be, and if I couldn't be her, I'd rather be a man. Everyone kept telling me I shouldn't be like her, which was one of the things that drove me to transition. She is the mental image and tragic manifestation of my internalised misogyny. She's a trauma queen. John - was the name I went by as a trans guy, and thus he was the persona I tried to become in my transition. He's not so different from Kazanndra in his personality, but copes with the same issues through a lens of false masculinity instead. As he's also hyper-sexual in a very similar manner, he's submissive with men in a way to try to erase his femaleness by fucking away the pain. He is more so a manifestation of my internalised lesbophobia, a combination of the misogyny and homophobia I turned towards myself. He attempts to always be the polar opposite of what I actually am, he's the brick wall to my vulnerability, the anger to my fear, and he's the "masc gay man" to the femme lesbian I really am.

These were not actual alters, but rather like roles that I acted out, or different masks that I put on, taken to an extreme. I was never diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, but I highly suspect I had OSDD, cause of my actual alter. I knew I did not meet enough criteria of DID to be diagnosed with it. Just to clarify. Both of those two personas are my most extreme states. I lived through them at different times of my life thinking they were the real me at those times, but they always pushed each other away which created a huge inner conflict. When I first figured I might be transgender at age 15, I was terrified of transitioning and flipped over into playing out and almost becoming Kazanndra, as a response to my fears about transition and my past traumas, until I was 19. During those 4 years, I lived most of my life through the Kazanndra lens, but on rare occasion John peaked through and that messed with me. I used to refer to those 4 years as my "trans denial" period. At age 19 after more abuse I flipped the switch and instead lived through John believing I was him and that Kazanndra had just been a persona and a coping mechanism, which she was, but she was also me. While seeing myself as a trans man and living through my John persona, Kazanndra would pop up on occasion just like it had been before, but in reverse. That too, messed with me. Anna - was my only actual alter, and I didn't live through her but rather side by side with her, as if we were two people sharing one body. She was very different from both Kazanndra and John, she was feminine but not to an extreme and much more natural in her expression. She was happy to be female, but also very dominant and assertive in a way I could described as "masculine" and her trauma showed through a complete lack of sexual interest, bullying and violent tendencies.

I'm no longer split into those three parts, but have become somewhat of a mix between them. But I also have aspects that neither of them had, the aspects they all existed to eliminate: my vulnerability and my lesbianism. Both John and Kazanndra drove me head first into seeking out men sexually, in very self-destructive ways, while Anna attempted to stop me with a trauma-induced asexuality, but neither expressed even the slightest hint of attraction to women or any actual attraction at all. They covered it up, and quite effectively, but my genuine self did shine through every once in a while, as a form of forbidden longing for the warmth of my actual attraction to women. And by the end of the time that I had with Anna as a separate entity alongside me, I for the first time ever noticed she was not against me dating the person I was into: my current girlfriend. She was only ever against me being with men, and now I know, she was trying to protect me.

Now I'm no longer split, but I'm only beginning to realise what kinds of effects that has had on me. Basically, John merged with Kazanndra by the end of last year when I started having a beard as a woman, my lesbianism emerged from my depths, and together they became Laura. And by spring this year Laura merged with Anna, when I started incorporating her style into my own, found more strength in my vulnerability, and I yet again became Sara. Laura was a sort of transition in itself. She was definitely on the right track, my first agonising steps to accepting my femaleness and coming to terms with my transition and my sexuality. She was not a persona, but also not the full me. She was a gateway, or a path, that I much needed to travel through. I was healing through her, but she was not my end goal. Sara is more than just my birth name; it is the name of my whole child self before I split. And I think that's why I've been starting to feel connected to that name again since around spring this year, which was when I fully merged. Perhaps the reasons I could not connect to it before was related to how split up I was as a person. But now, as a whole person again, I realise that all of my personas and alters smacked into one coherent personality, is me, Sara. So to be Sara is my ultimate goal, but that too is a work in progress.

I do not remember much of the child that I was, before the age of 9 when my traumatised mind split into two halves: me and Anna, and then continued to fragment into personas as I grew up. She's too young for me to fully reach within myself. Although I do keep trying, cause I think reaching her is an important puzzle piece in my further healing.

How Anna is connected to why I transitioned is, I think, more indirect than anything. She was never male-identified. In fact she was closer to the genuine me than ever I was myself even (which is a scary thought, but true), and she was the aspect of me that was the most connected to my femaleness and very defensive of it. However, her existence was a direct response to my traumas, and my transitioning was another direct response to my traumas. So they're indirectly connected cause they stem from the same source. They were two different escape mechanisms that clashed. Anna was against me transitioning. She felt it as a direct violation of her autonomy and as me destroying her (our/my) body. It was a huge conflict which even led to her raping me, one desperate night back in early 2011 when I had been self-medicating with testosterone for some 6 or 7 months. My transition created a huge inner conflict within myself, to say the least. I didn't take Anna's existence into account that she was still somehow... me. I wanted to erase her, not merge with her.

Since my detransition now, I can no longer think of myself as "non-binary" but I'm rather just trying to find a healthy balance between my extreme masculinity (John) and my extreme femininity (Kazanndra), to have them co-exist peacefully instead of fighting and switching back and forth, while also taking what once was Anna into account. I've discovered that for me I best express that healthy balance as a bearded, deep-voiced, hairy woman with an affinity for red lipstick, dresses and long hair (yeah I'm saving that fucker out again). It's me being assertive, strong-willed, logical, a realist and not afraid to take space; while also being emotional, dreamy, vulnerable, nurturing and creative. It's me combining dominance with submission in a healthy and playful way that feels enriching and healing, and what it actually is, is me combining familiar comfort with going outside of my comfort zone and finding healthy ways to express my sexuality with another woman as a woman myself. To listen to my boundaries but also dare to explore my desires. Instead of searching for gender labels anymore, I'm finding harmony in my androgyny and coming to peace with my biological female sex, and with my homosexuality. The only labels I do and will wear are woman, detrans, lesbian, femme and I may on occasion describe myself as androgynous or gnc. My healing began in early 2017 when I broke up with my ex and became friends with Anna. I swung to the most masculine extreme of my John-persona I had ever been. During that year I rejected my attraction to women completely and planned on getting SRS to rid myself of the last remaining visible aspects of my femaleness. It was my ultimate denial, a strong reaction to my tapping into my traumas and little by little sorting them out. Then in early 2018 I started vaguely connecting to my body as I began to listen to it. My mind had finally started to let go of its tight grip on my denial. Mid 2018 I swung back to my Kazanndra-persona as I detransitioned. A few months later I merged my Johh-persona and Kazanndra-persona together and discovered my true lesbian sexuality. A few months after that, I merged with Anna and felt a new, stable calm within myself and felt myself grounding more. I started missing my birth name, and eventually took it back. Alongside all that, I've been working hard on my relationship issues in the past and now believe I have the most solid, healthy relationship ever, with my girlfriend. It all started with one idea, two and a half years ago: I'm gonna start listening to myself, allow all and any kinds of thoughts and feelings to exist within me, and not push any of them away. They're not dangerous, and I know I know that. I followed that idea through, made it into a promise. Eventually it led me here, to my utter astonishment. I do not regret that, but it's been a very difficult journey that I was not prepared for at all. I believe it's all connected. Why I transitioned, my personas John and Kazanndra, my alter Anna, my internalised lesbophobia, my intrusive sexual thoughts about men, my traumas, my (birth) name, how I struggle to figure out what is my authentic self, even my style and gender expression, and so on. And detangling that massive heap of psychological wounds for the past couple of years has almost become a bit of a hobby for me by now. It's no longer terrifying, but exciting instead. It's always been rewarding, seeing my true self shine through the cracks and form into a more and more solid and clear image in my mind, slowly over time. I did most of that inner work myself and had very little help from any actual therapy; although my girlfriend has been an immense support and invaluable help in giving me advice, listening to my endless rambles, comforting me in my panic and helping me stay on the right track. For that, and much more, I am forever grateful for her. The rewards I’ve gotten have been a newfound ability to ground myself and finding peace, comfort and love coming from within myself to protect and care for me. It will always be worth it.

[cyancees]

honestly the character who deserves more hate but doesn't get any is Kaito. like he's straight up Sexist and Transphobic in full canon but nobody ever seems to care and act like he's perfect, just not smart. Himiko's that, not Kaito

you’re grasping at straws for reasons to hate a character and then go and love literal murderers and crazy characters.

rant with spoilers under cut

(yes, momota did technically “kill” someone but we all know the circumstances for that case.)

DISCLAIMER: I’M NOT JAPANESE, I’M JUST RELYING ON RESEARCH AND STUDY I’VE DONE OVER THE YEARS. IT’S 4:30 AM SO I’M NOT PROOF-READING THIS SORRY, IF I FUCK UP LEMME KNOW K.

i’ve talked about this way too much already, so let me just say everything and hopefully never have to talk about it again

as a woman, i don’t think momota is sexist. i think he’s an idiot who tries to be chivalrous. he talks about being manly, and says weapons don’t suit girls, and that’s not from hatred of girls or the belief that they’re inferior. it’s because he’s a dumbass. he definitely had room for development, but he died before ever getting an arc. kodaka is a bitch.

gender roles in japan are… kinda bad. but standing up for yourself and being loud & proud (much like momota’s character) is kinda a socially weird thing to do in their culture, which is why that kind of stuff is still in place. a man’s masculinity isn’t often questioned, and women are seen as weaker, and that’s just it. i don’t think it’s fair to blame a japanese character for acting pretty standard for the culture he was raised in. (might i also add that the writing as a whole can be misogynistic? if you hate it so much why play the games?)

i don’t think there’s any accounts of him being fucking transphobic since there are no canon trans characters in the game, but what you’re probably referring to is his use of the term “okama” when he sees shinguuji wearing lipstick.

first off, please do some research. people have been scraping at the bottom of the barrel with this remark. the term okama is not always offensive. it’s slang for effeminate gay men or drag queens, and some drag queens even use it to refer to themselves. however, many consider it to be the japanese equivalent for “faggot” and honestly, i wouldn’t put it that way. it’s more like “queer” where it isn’t really a slur but people can use it in derogatory ways. you can’t really translate some words directly, including that, and here’s why:

being gay was never an issue in japan. it was natural, and normal, and something no one thought twice about, as none of their religions said anything against it. there are plenty of famous historical gay and bisexual japanese figures. however, with the westernization of japan during the 1800s, that anti-gay culture began to affect the country. 

i’m not japanese, and i’ve never been there, but i’ve studied the language and culture for years and have done extensive research on these topics, so take it with a grain of salt, but - most japanese people do not have an issue with homosexuality still. most LGBT people in japan report their experiences of coming out as smooth, with their friends reacting mostly like “oh, okay.” the only real upset is usually with parents who want grandkids, or in the work place, particularly office jobs (which confuses me still, and has nothing to do with the scenario where momota is apparently homophobic, so i’m not gonna go into that.)

so far we know that:

- “okama,” though slang for effeminate gay men/drag queens, is not inherently offensive unless used that way (and you can say momota was angry/harsh in that sentence, but if you found out one of your friends had killed 2 people and was being weird, you’d speak harshly too.)

- for the most part, japan’s view of homosexuality is fine. most of the population supports it, and cities are beginning to legalize it and grant benefits of marriage. 

(side note - dating culture in japan isn’t really as important as it is here and in other westernized countries, so marriage is less important culturally to most people there. i mean, here in australia, homophobia is rampant as people throw around ‘faggot’ every day and bully you for it, but even we got it legalized first, because dating and marriage is just more important culturally)

so now it just brings up the question: why does momota automatically assume shinguuji is gay because he’s wearing lipstick?

three words: lack of education.

in general, education on LGBT+ topics in japan is very low. remember what i said earlier about people not going on about their rights and equality and standing up for themselves? it’s all related.

because of this need to never stand out, and dating culture being less important to most, many japanese people don’t come out just because they don’t want the attention. (that’s why characters in danganronpa might often react confused or shocked at other characters saying seemingly normal things to us - because they’re standing out, and that’s weird.) and because a lot never come out, the Straights think that there’s hardly any LGBT people in japan, and they know nothing about what they’re really like. which means they get all their education from the media.

LGBT stuff in the media, like television, is grouped into a genre called “Onee.” while onee usually means big sister, or used to refer to a young woman stranger, in this case it’s a less controversial way of saying “okama.” that means drag and other effeminate gay stuff is grouped together with everything else LGBT, so the Straights assume they’re all one and the same. 

so, that adds “lack of proper education” onto the bullet list.

let’s go over the scenario once more.

shinguuji murdered two people. he reveals he’s wearing lipstick. he talks effeminately.

momota, someone who likely knows very little about LGBT stuff, sees this, and assumes he’s gay or in drag or something. he doesn’t really know. furious that this guy killed two people, he asks if he’s queer. because in a society with heavy gender stereotypes, a guy wearing lipstick is kinda out of the ordinary.

momota’s fabled sexism/transphobia/homophobia all boils down to one simple point: he’s an idiot.

people like to overlook all the great stuff he’s done and the good guy he really is deep down because of some dumb stuff he’s said, then overlook all the terrible stuff other characters have said and done. it’s grasping at straws.

get this: you don’t need reasons to dislike a character. you’re allowed to dislike momota, i don’t care. but people need to stop going around spreading misinformation about momota being a bigot using the japanese text that most fans don’t understand to try and make everyone else hate him.

as a queer woman, the only thing i ever remember having an issue with was momota saying “weapons don’t suit girls.” but again, i’ve actually done extensive research on cultural differences, and i understand momota’s a dumbass who doesn’t think before he talks. i also think kodaka’s writing is pretty flawed in a lot of areas concerning female characters, but that’s a rant for another time because it’s now 4:35 AM. 

EDIT: if you’re interested in doing you’re own research, here are some good videos with actual japanese peoples opinions that i’ve watched (unfortunately i can’t find every single source i’ve had over the years, i’m sorry, it’s just too late rn!!)

(and here’s one that talks about masculinity and gender roles which it won’t let me embed)

EDIT x2: apparently i made a small mistake about the time momota says ‘okama,’ see me address it here.

[lgbtessay-blog]

LGBT Community

First and foremost, being gay is not a choice. Just in the same way that heterosexuals like the opposite gender, it is not because they were raised to be straight, it is just the way their brain is programmed. Sexual orientation can be defined, by the LGBT Communication Manual as, “each person’s capacity for profound emotional, affectional and sexual attraction to, and intimate and sexual relations with, individuals or a different sex/gender/ or the same sex/gender or more than one sex/gender” (LGBT Communication Manual). With each person’s preference to sex/gender, there comes a title so that within their community they can distinguish each other and know what each person prefers. For example, they use terms like bisexual, gay, lesbian, heterosexual, pansexual, transgender, intersexual, t-lover, and drag king or queen to name a few.

     The LGBT community wasn’t always accepted for who they were, and it took much courage to come out into the nonaccepting time of the 50’s post-war. This is thanks to a man named Harry Hay because he found the first gay rights organization, that he called the Mattachine Society. Its founders, to the surprise of many, were former communists and radicals. Their goal with creating this group was not only to change the way that people looked at gay men and what they stood for but for men to start being comfortable in their skins. In a matter of three years, the Mattachine Society had grown to the point that you could attend a meeting every day for the rest of your life if that is what you desired to do, claimed Dorr Legg. At this point, the Gay community was peaking and not stopping with tens of thousands of people joining in the Los Angeles area. (Roscoe, accessed 20 October 2018).

      Not too much after the Mattachine Society was created, the Daughters of Bilitis was formed. A lesbian group based in San Francisco, the founders Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, were the first same-sex couple to be married after the legalization of same-sex marriage was passed. Initially, this group was created so that lesbians could meet other lesbians so that they could start socializing and dancing at the clubs together. Eventually, this secret club at the time had realized that many laws were “anti-gay” and instead of partying and having a good time, they needed to start making a change in society for the well being of their futures. Soon after this realization, they began to focus more on educating the public about lesbians, they started to participate in research about lesbians and started to repealing anti-LGBT laws. (Anti-Defamation League, 2011)

     Coming out in the 1950s was a very bold act considering that the United States government targeted the LGBT members because politicians strongly and wrongly believed that homosexuals were infiltrating the U.S. poses a threat to national security. The leaders of the U.S. in this time believed that those who were declaring themselves as homosexuals were both weak and mentally ill, and this posed a threat because the U.S. was sure that anyone in these conditions would reveal state secrets to undercover spies if they were blackmailed. Because of the government creating this illusion to citizens, the “Lavender Scare” was created. A time where LGBT members were fired on a daily bases and were forced to go through police raids at gay bars, parties, and places that weren’t even morally okay… their homes. It was a hard time for those who were coming out in this era because laws started being made that would prohibit wearing the clothes of the opposite gender and dancing with someone of the same sex. As a result of all these laws and unfair judgment, many members of the LGBT community went into hiding. (Anti-Defamation League, 2011)

    Coming out can be defined but the LGBT communications manual as “a process of self-acceptance which may take an entire lifetime. A person builds their identity as a lesbian, gay man, bisexual, or transgender person, at first keeping it to themselves. Later they may or may not reveal it to other people”  (LGBT Communication Manual). In modern day today, coming out is not as hard as it used to be 60 years ago, but it is still and always will be a big deal. Coming out isn’t just about telling people what sex you are interested in, but about finally getting to show your loved ones whom you are and hoping that there is still a way that they will accept you for who you are. Depending on where these people live is and what goes on in their household depends on if their family and friends would accept them for who they are. For my mother coming out was not an easy thing to do. Her father and mother thought she was utterly disgusting and to this day don’t accept her. When she came out to her brother and sister they were not accepting at first, but in my family, there is one thing that will always be important, and that is you only have one family it can grow, but it will never change. Over time, both of them came to accept her and love her just for who she is. My second mom, Lu, has passed onto another life, but if it wasn’t for her I know that my mom wouldn’t have been strong enough to come out on her own to our family, and for that, I will be forever grateful. For two people my age, I have come to find out they don’t have coming out stories because they always knew and acted on being just who they were, which has to be the most beautiful change I have seen throughout society.

       A big factor that has played a role in many people coming out is what religion they are. Almost all religions have an accepting or nonaccepting truth to it considering the LGBT community. The Christian faith does not approve of homosexuality but preaches that we must love and accept everyone. Which is why over time the Christian community has some who support the LGBT community and some who do not. Judaism sees the LGBT community as not natural and does not accept it, although there are Jewish LGBT groups. (LGBT Communication Manual)

    Although many people in today's society accept those who are a part of the LGBT community, there are still those times where people who don’t accept these people start to harras these members, which does have its title and definition: Homophobia. This is described as the fear and irrational hatred towards homosexuals. Homophobia can be seen almost anywhere but is slowly dissipating as time goes on. Familiar places we can see this kind of hate is in areas of extreme religion, the workplace, and school.

     In Bogota, Colombia nineteen people were interviewed as being a part of the Colombian LGBT community wanting to know their stories and what it is like for them living where they do. For Carmen, a 46-year-old transgender woman, her upbringing into this community was an extremely rough case. Before completing the gender reassignment process, Carmen had finished her military service, and here sadly she was taken advantage of because of rumors going around that she (he at the time) liked other men. Even though he had said no to this sergeant, he started touching her and forcing himself onto her and speaking to her “Lie down, I am going to be good to you.” After this experience, Carmen had started to have consensual relationships with other men in the army. As Carmen did eventually leave the military, she moved around and became successful again (Zea, Reisen, Biachi, 2013). However, moments like these are what people think is okay, to be able to experimental and force another person to try something that they do not want. This is a clear and horrific example of harassment that has happened, there are many other stories like these and to fix this we need to fight against it and bring attention to what is happening.

     Furthermore, completing the process of a transgender person is not an easy process. There are multiple steps to getting to where they want to be, starting with the said person needing an official confirmation from a qualified mental health professional that they suffer from “gender dysphoria,” which refers to the distress that comes the wrong fit of expressed gender and one’s assigned gender. Next, they must undergo twelve months of feminizing or masculinizing hormone therapy, administering more testosterone or estrogens into the body to have the body change more into the desired one. Following, those undergoing this process must go through a most important part of their transition, the “real life” experience. Here they must see the importance of coming out to partners, friends, community members, and family here they must also see all the challenges that are going to be up ahead of changing their sex, such as family, educational, vocational, economic, and legal problems that they will be facing every day. The final step in this years-long process is finally the surgery. For male-to-female they must undergo breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery liposuction, gluteal augmentation, reduction of Adam’s apple, hair reconstruction, penis and testicle removal, and creation of neovagina and clitoris. For female-to-male, they undergo removal of breasts, create of a male chest, liposuction, voice surgery, removal of the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, vagina, and the construction of a penis and scrotum, and finally the implantation of erection and testicular prosthesis. (Bracanovic, 2017)

     As you can see it is not easy to get to the end for the transgender community, and once it is all done, things can get harder. For the LGBT faculty in S&E fields, they claimed they felt that “gayness” was invisible and that everyone was just assumed to be hetero. This is assumed because in the Science and Engineering community it is all that what should matter seeing that everyone would fit the “norm” of being hetero. However, this has caused problems for those who have come out in this community, some peers even coming to the point of saying “I think she’s lesbian; I’d never trust her date.” This is a precise moment of work hostility. Those who are part of the LGBT and S&E community have been faced with many difficulties of how their peers feel around them. Some even reported that they knew of peers who were even uncomfortable and anxious to be in the same room as them. These conflicts have created many consequences for them in and outside the work climates. Internally the participants in this research reported that there is a fearfulness with being a part of the LGBT community because those who are not gay have become rude and not approving of them and their work. This created an environment that pushes members to not come out because of being afraid that their action will not be taken seriously. Externally, participants made it clear that they have not gotten jobs because someone had outed them before them receiving the position. Other participants even claimed that have tried to ruin their research and collaboration with others by outing them. (Bilimoria, 2009)

     To continue the discussion of harassment that transgenders must face, it is commonly known among Portland, Oregon that public transportation is not a safe place for them. Public transportation is offered throughout the city, for all and is protected under Title VI of the Civil Rights Act, that prohibits discrimination on race, color, and national origin. What it doesn’t protect yet is the discrimination of the LGBT community. Several participants in the social science literature on gender, public space, and urban mobility, had told of many stories of being not being harassed anymore on these public transportation sites. Even a white transgender man (most unlikely to receive hate because of white privilege) could say that he experienced hostility almost on a daily basis when he was a female. This goes to show that until someone looks more “correct” with societies norms that there will always be a hostility accountable for. (Lubitow, 2017)

     Thanks to the Pew Research Center, we can come to see that there has been an 18% increase from the decade before in the acceptance of the gay community. There has also been a 19% increase in acceptance for the lesbian community (Drake,2014). Eventually, this won’t even be a number or a thought that will cross the mind, but how can we help to ensure that the LGBT community is more accepted quicker? A few suggestions would be to speak out against any bullying you could see going on towards an LGBT member, being accepting of those around you who come out to you, and most importantly be nice. Being a part of the LGBT community is not an easy thing but with the help of everyone we can change the way people view them and accept them.

    Among those who are apart of the LGBT community, there are many ways that they are able to communicate with each other in today's modern age. Like most communities, the LGBT community has a strong online form of communication. By online communication, they communicate when events are, have hotlines, and so they can express who they are. They also have holidays that mean the utmost to many members of the LGBT community. Such as LGBTQ Pride (June), International Drag Day (July 16th), National Coming Out Day (October 11th), etc. Another form of communication that can be seen throughout the LGBT community is the LGBT rainbow flag. For the LGBT community, this is an unspoken form of communication that stands for being apart of this community. Usually, those who are apart of the community have found some type of way to incorporate the flag into a part of their social media or what they wear on a daily basis.

    Although with all the hate and unnecessary hostility there are great and wondrous things that come with being a part of the LGBT community. This is also known as, PRIDE! The LGBT Pride march is a celebration of the LGBT community as a whole. If you don’t know what pride is, it is a giant festival where people from all over come an celebrate what it is to be a part of the community. Coming to these events, you can expect a gay version of the Macy’s day parade. There will be people dressed in fantastic costumes, dancing, singing, rejoicing, and have a phenomenal time. The point of gathering in these festivities is different for everyone, but it can be a place where the LGBT community can stand up to the political troubles they are going through as a whole. What is most important to understand when attending one of these events is that everyone will be accepted no matter what because it is supposed to place respect and mutual understanding. As well with visiting one of these events, it is critical to know that there will always be those who are going to protest but they are not the point. What is most important to understand and take away is that no matter what your choice is and what you decide to do with it you can love anyone you would like to because LOVE IS LOVE

[thisisnot-chris]

Where Life’s Taken Me

These past few years since my last year of college have been quite the roller-coaster ride. I never imagined it to turn out this way (so far). I look back and remember what I was like in high school; a shy, scared kid who wasn’t sure what to do in life and was afraid of criticism. I see what I’ve become 8 years later; an outgoing, adventure seeking, person who knows what he wants in life and isn’t bound by the fear of other’s opinions. College helped me realize what I wanted to do but part of me still felt held back by other people’s thoughts on what I was trying to do with my life during that time. My choices were too risky; no job security; why wasn’t it something “typical & traditional”. I ended up learning that was not me at all years later, and it wasn’t easy to come to terms with it throughout that time. In fact it all came together in the last 2-3 years. All I had to do was figure out things with myself and who I truly am. Those ideas and thoughts sat dormant in the back of my mind for a very long time but it took some unexpected events to occur which initiated that journey.

It started in December 2015. I was about to start an internship with a local booking agency that specialized in EDM shows; something I was beyond ecstatic about. I love EDM. I love music and everything about it; both artistically and business-wise. I wanted to share the amazing news with a number of my good friends at a Christmas party we had one Saturday nite, about 1 week before Christmas came. The party was a blast so far; drinking games, great music, and so many laughs. I shared the news with everyone there and it felt so satisfying to share a new experience coming my way with the people I cared about. Little did I know… I was about to get some news later on at the party.

I was in the basement and had to go use the bathroom upstairs. I made my way up and stepped into the kitchen where 3 of my friends were talking. One of them said 3 words that changed it all; “Chris is gay”. I uttered something back in confusion and all 3 heads turned towards me with looks on their faces that screamed “OH SHIT!...” One of my other friends pulls me into the living room while I’m still puzzled as all hell and begins to legitimately question if I was or not. I was PISSED, and I’m usually not one to get angry very easily. They had known me all these years and NOW I hear about this?! And the reasons as to why were so stereotypical; I wore pink clothes, I watched what I ate, I didn’t drink much, I talk differently, etc. How the fuck should those label me anything?!?! They started apologizing afterwards and said they shouldn’t have made bold conclusions like that. At that point I should’ve gotten over it. But I didn’t. It bothered me. REALLY badly. And it only worsened in the coming months and years.

Shortly after the new year, my internship didn’t turn into a full-term employment due to the manager’s business needs and schedule. I needed to find work in the time being so I could make money and move out of my family’s house and continue investing in what I wanted to do with music. That time off had that thought keep coming back to me. George Michael once said, “When someone questions your sexuality, you begin to question EVERYTHING!” That’s exactly what happened to me. I never dated a woman in my life; but that shouldn’t have meant anything. I had crushes on girls throughout the years. When I was a much bigger kid in middle and high school, I started wanting to lose weight and exercise. I would compare myself to other attractive and much more fit men, looking at them and saying “God, I really wish I looked like that.” I didn’t think that meant anything either, even though I still had thoughts like that after losing so much weight. I kept pushing it aside during this time. I even joked to myself about it; for some reason, I always remembered this line from a Ron White stand up special where he says “Guys, if you ever have a thought… let it go. Everyone’s a little gay.” That line made me think of the times my friends and I poked fun like that; I didn’t realize I was just fighting myself. That year’s summer and fall began some very serious talks with myself soon on.

During my job search leading into the summer, I had a good friend keep in contact with me over the search and how I was doing. I started hanging out and spending time with him more; video games, watching stand up, random shit, whatever it was. It was great. As it got warmer, I was invited out to bonfires and hung out with a bunch of guys he became acquainted with. I was relatively quiet around them but it was still fun hearing their conversations. I was glad I got to spend time like this with my friend. Then in the middle of July, I finally got a job for the time being at a financial institution. Soon after accepting that position, I was also invited on a camping trip up North with him and his buddies. I ended up arriving on a Friday afternoon at a lake while they were out on a friend’s boat; they were drinking beer, listening to music, games, you name it. I thought it was great he invited me and will always remember my time out there. After a couple hours, they wanted to head back to the campsite they were at but I had no clue where it was. He offered to direct me back. I got back in my car, and then he got in it, sitting in the passenger seat. I drove halfway there until a state patrol officer pulled us over. There was a festival that weekend so he was just checking for drunk drivers but he kept us there for a good 15-20 minutes for whatever reason. We sat there for a while, trying to see what he was doing. But I wasn’t looking at the officer that whole time. I couldn’t help but look at my friend and I didn’t understand why. There he was next to me. Slightly buzzed. Wearing a hat from a foreign country. Shirtless. That was the moment there that something seemed different to me. What the hell was going on???

After that ordeal, we made it to the site and got ready for the festival. It ended up getting rained on and they got a crappy replacement band instead of the one they’ve gotten before. Their specialty ‘Summer Hummer” drinks were cheap though so it was a win in the end. We then headed back and had a fire for a bit til’ the rain got heavier and we all huddled under a canopy. I stayed in one of the guys’ tents that nite but had so much trouble sleeping because I kept thinking about that moment my friend and I got pulled over. Why couldn’t I help but look at him like that?... The next morning, we all packed up to leave but he wanted to stay and hike the area and asked me to. I wanted to say yes but that moment in the car yesterday scared me from doing so. I said I was gonna head back home instead. The questioning continued on the drive home. The nights after when I went to bed. Throughout the day during my new job. We still hung out since that and the questions kept growing on me. Why? Why was I looking at him like that??? Within that next month, what I considered to be the scariest thought I ever had ended up revealing itself to me… I think I was starting to have feelings for him.

That thought began to mess with me even worse than the initial questioning. I never thought things like this before; why now?? The coming September furthered this. There was a nite we went out and one of his friend’s questioned my sexuality. Pissed me off again. But I still had thoughts and they scared me more. I never knew anyone who was gay at this point and I wasn’t sure on my friends and immediate family’s thoughts on homosexuality. Then, one of my current best friends that was rooming with him at the time was planning on moving to California in October. My friend I started to have feelings for… offered me to move in. Living with someone you have feelings for… how the hell could this be a good idea?... My head couldn’t take it anymore. It started to affect me negatively from here on. 

Jumping to October 29th, 2016, around the time my best friend moved to Cali, my “crush” and a couple other people went out to a bar for a Halloween party. On the ride back after the party, there was an argument on who the hottest woman was there. I was asked on my opinion. I never paid attention to any there and lied saying, “the blonde one”. Believe it not, there were no blonde women there that nite… We make it to his house, I use the bathroom, and come out to hear my two friends, one I’ve known since elementary school and the one I had feelings for, uttering to each other if I was gay. I had it at this point. I leaned against some cabinets, slid to the floor, and told them, “Guys… I’m not sure what I am.” I was scared out of my fucking mind. But they were ok with it. They didn’t care. It didn’t make a difference. That was a slight sigh of relief but I was “playing the bi-card” at this time. I could be interested in women too I thought back then. But I had feelings for my friend at this time… a man.

It wasn’t even 2 weeks later that my feelings were bothering me even more so; I felt the need to tell my good friend how I felt. Another friend of ours had a post-Halloween party at his place on November 5th, 2016 (“remember, remember, the 5th of November” has new meaning for me now); it was fun at first but the cops shut it down due to noise complaints. Still bothered, I then texted him at 1:00AM asking him where he was. He was on his way back home. I waited for him til 2:00AM when we arrived back to talk to him. I initially stated I started having feelings for someone we know and didn’t know what to do. He knew I was going to say it was him but kept asking who. I started to hold back myself from saying it was him. I was fucking crying for god sake. But I said it then. I liked him. And I couldn’t take it back. He then said his side of the matter; he appreciated me telling him, was flattered, but did not feel the same back. He did not feel that way about men. It didn’t change anything between us which shocked me. But I still didn’t know what to do. Did I simply just let it go? I unfortunately didn’t and it caused a major problem later on. I had more feelings for him after that talk. It wasn’t right. But I felt I lied to myself if I let it go.

January 2017 came around and I told my best friend in Cali about my questioning; he was ok with it and stated his support. I even told one of my friends that questioned me the nite of that Christmas party. I thought he out of all my friends would have the BIGGEST problem with it; but he didn’t. He hugged me and opened up much more about himself to me than I expected. He even suggested I talk to this woman we knew; little did I know she would end up helping me so much and becoming one of my best friends after we had dinner one nite. Oh, that major problem I mentioned? It began during the end of that month. Some friends and I were over at my “crush’s” place. My feelings were troubling me so much that nite. I ended up being a bit… “upfront” with him later that nite. How stupid could’ve I fucking been...

After that, he didn’t want to talk to me for awhile. He treated me differently. He distanced himself and when I look back on it, I can’t blame him. The feelings diminished away as they should’ve initially. I couldn’t believe I did this to a good friend. I crossed a line. I was not ok with myself. I felt like I was slipping into some phase of depression that screwed up my work performance, affected my job security, and made me feel everything was falling apart. Friends were breaking up and taking sides on different things. My one best friend moved to Cali and I thought I’d never see him again. I ended up telling more people that were close in my life about my questioning, including my parents, and everyone was ok with it. But I still struggled. I began to feel who I was was wrong. Being a man and having feelings for men was wrong.  I was still having AND causing problems. I even caused trust issues with more friends I care so much about and diminished those relationships significantly. I felt that I couldn’t take life anymore… I wanted to give up and leave everything behind… I tried to twice…

…

But I didn’t give up. I kept moving forward in dealing with this and figuring things out. The girl I mentioned who is one of my best friends now? She introduced me to so many new people that shared their experiences and opinions on things I never thought I’d hear about. She invited me to visit so many places that summer of 2017. From Sturgeon Bay, to Milwaukee, to Eagle River, to the Dells, to frickin’ Toronto, Canada for a big convention. I even went to Pasadena, California to visit my best friend that moved there and went to the Warner Bros Studios, downtown LA, and even saw the Hollywood Sign. I saw so much, did so much, and made so many memories. During that time, away from the typical things I dealt with back at home, it gave me answers to so many questions I had. That time even helped one of my other best friends in the area and coming to terms with her sexuality. But it answered one big one and I had an answer for myself soon enough; I am gay.

Since then, I’ve continued to meet new people, explore new places, and taken new opportunities that help me reach goals I’ve made for myself and what I want to do in my life. If I never came to terms with myself, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed life as much as I do now. I never would’ve met so many amazing people. I never would’ve started playing shows again or getting a creative spark for music making again or even starting up a side business. It’s still a bumpy road, but isn’t it for everyone? You got to move forward, challenge yourself, and continue learning. That’s what life seems to be about to me. And I’m glad I see that now.

I’m sure most of the people closest to me have heard this story before so they can figure out who is who, but names shouldn’t be a defining factor here. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the amazing friends and family I have. My parents; even though some initial concern was shared, their love never changed. My brother; 8 years younger than me and so much more open minded than I ever was when I was his age. My friends I’ve known throughout middle and high school; I’m glad that we still hang out, talk, keep in touch, even with all the problems I caused. My friends I’ve made during and after college; I appreciate everything you guys have shared with me and every chance we get to see each other is something I value highly. My friend who was my “turning point”; I know things can never be the same like before but it’s good to know it’s much better than before. My 3 closest friends; if I never met any of you, I never would’ve came to terms with myself. Now I know who I am. I’m an EDM-loving, music making, goal oriented, cartoon & meme-mimicking, ambitious man that loves taking on a new adventure every chance he can get his hands on and won’t let life’s obstacles hold him back (who happens to be gay). I am who I am and I haven’t felt the need to hide it for the past year now. Thank you all for the impact you’ve made on me.

Let’s see where life takes me next   :)

[imonclouddesign]

Who watches the Watchmen?

Different types of power to think about - State Power; Social Power; Economic Power.

What is power?  Control - key elements; manipulation; influence (a slightly less aggressive form of manipulation); - refers to a group of people’s values and beliefs (ideas, beliefs and values) 

Characteristics? Wealth; Religion (Ideology); Monarchy - symbolic value;

Art? Creates discussion - addresses some imbalances, shows itself when one is pushed down by others the haves and have nots etc; Activists representing new ideas through various formats of Arts; Protest - resistance - proposing new ideas; Historical Marker - through the history of time across borders etc. 

What is power?

Establishment; Business; Politics; State; Law; Banking; Police, Elite; Civil Service; Church; Media; Wealth; Monarchy and Education - various forms of institutions able to exercise power over people.

Forms of Power 

State Power

Authority 

Wealth

Education - under popular discussion re private schooling or shared resources

Influence

Race 

Gender Patriarchy (Male) / (Hedgimany) Feminists

Sexuality

Wealth has its own privileges and sexuality being a dominant party. How factors/theories relating to the individual affect own practice.

How does art address this? Provoking people - Satire - “Vice” film shows good examples of seeking challenge structures of power about people without account making decisions about others’ lives about Politics and Power relating to the Iraq war. Collodud poem influencing Trump’s campaign - advisor changed the meaning about who should and should not enter the country.

Do you have a media platform? This could show manifestations of power.

Theorists of Power

Michael Foucault - a writer 1960s - 1990s interested in histories of ideas and looked at language within the structure of power - history of sexuality - looking at the way dominant class people oppress others and identifying as a gay man he figured how the systems were created to silence him. Through understanding Hetrodominance and how the reproductive sex has come to infect the main as to what can constitute a loving relationship, you can see how a lot of people would be excluded from that by the choices people make in life.

Foucault looked at Early 20th Century theorists to base his work on.

“It’s my hypothesis that the individual is not a pre-given entity which is seized on by the exercise of power. The individual, with his identity and characteristics, is the product of a relation of power exercised over bodies, multiplicities, movements, desires, forces.” (Michael Foucault)

What does he mean by the exercise of power?

Essential personality - untouched by anyone else - he believes there are forces that shape our ideas such as factors - absorbing/resisting parents ideas - Foucault believes the idea of pure untainted self doesn’t exist is influenced by relations of power that are exercised over our bodies - by basically delegitimising himself as a gay man that demonstrates an exercise of power. Everything affects us as a person. Do you believe? Resist?

Foucault’s Panopticon (an old french style prison system where there is a tower in the centre of the room, all the prisoners are around the outside with a single-window facing inwards, the tower has windows all around facing outwards. The theory is that takes one person in the tower to control the entire prison, from a fear of being watched) - from a book called Discipline & Punish where he talks about the history of the prison system. Gives a way of thinking through the elements of the current media landscape.

*If you throw in the element of two-way glass - it demonstrates how power becomes the apprehension of authority - rules and conducts that govern our lives - social norms etc.

Discipline power is exercised through its invisibility and the apprehension of power. The acknowledge and follow certain social regulations because we may be watched. The arts have started to address this. Seen, Shoen and Manifested. Graffiti has been brought to life by Banksy; Fashion offers us space to express who we are as an act of defiance. We can challenge ideas of power. Ideas Cameras, Surveillance are all key to current ideas and thought about how this may work. What data may be shared.

Imagine the internet as the tower in the middle of the prison how that impacts everything we do. Show how invisible force conditions our behaviour. How today’s life revolves around the internet.

Visibility is key.

Love Island is a dating show - unfeasibly beautiful people constantly surveyed by a big brother type machinery which follows their every move - and becoming a couple with fame, glory and money. Panopticon!!

Power? Fun to watch (surveillance); psychological ruin; you can watch and control them- and think you have the upper hand, but often they may win the upper hand. Reality television - not real - fake and very commercial. Making money for the television company and they often determine exactly who you will and will not like from the off. Beauty standards are very antiquated ideas no queers; obese or plain people. Very synthetic set to create paradise! Shows how gender can play a role in power.

Michael Cunningham - “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” Again, brings back to Love Island! Mechanisms and how power manifests others.

Foucault says, “ Power manifests itself in lots of ways and conditions who we are as subjects.” He said “If one had to speak of sex, one had to speak publicly in a manner that was not determined by the division between licit and illicit even if the speaker maintained the distinction for himself. One had to speak of it as a thing to be not simply condemned or tolerated but managed in certain of the systems of fertility regulated for the greater good of all the made to function according to an optimum. Sex was not something one simply judged it was something one administered.” Foucault implies that sex is a discursive instrument and the development of dominant sexual examples or by social standards preferable sexual examples can have real-world impacts on peoples lives. What is the utility - reproductive sex - used to provide good sex?

He also acknowledges the foster the basis for reactions to the powers. “The appearance of 19th-century psychiatry ‘Dearest Prudence” and literature of a whole series of discourses on species and subspecies of homosexuality in version pederasty and psychic hermaphroditism made possible a strong advance of social controls into this area of perversity but it also made possible the formation of a reverse discourse. Homosexuality began to speak on its own behalf to demand that its legitimacy or naturality be acknowledged often in the same vocabulary using the same categories that it was medically disqualified. - Trying to state it should be considered normal and not a perversion. If you continue to say, someone, they do not exist they eventually will rebel, as they do exist. It can also affect their mental state. Especially as controllers may believe that others will “bounce back”. It can be about creating discourses of resistance. You can bring on awareness of some movement bringing on changes which would affect others.

Theorising Gender. - Simon De Bouvoir, a Feminist wrote The Second Sex, 1949 - you have a choice to agree or disagree. It was a game-changer - what does it mean to be a woman? It created lots of revisions and people pushing against her as her conception of people being binary, your talking about specific women, not all women. She helped to pave the way for the feminine discourse. This preceded a lot of civil rights movements in the 1960s - black folk in America being the most visible - but there are lots of other civil rights movements. She talks about the myth of the woman and how people determine who others are by the way they exert power. “few myths have been more advantageous to the ruling caste than the myth of women: It justifies all privileges and even authorizes their abuse.” The Myth of women shows that genders have biological characteristics in their personality. i.e. old men are irrational, and women are emotional - these kinds of statements will put people down and make them feel inferior or ashamed. The woman’s place is in the home. Men needn’t bother themselves with alleviating themselves with the pains and burdens of physiologically of woman’s lot since these are intended by nature, it’s the way it is described as women’s natural consequences. 3-400 years ago, all written documentation about women was written by men - ideas of the natural woman came from those that were not a woman! Men then used this further by refusing to grant women any sexual pleasure and making her work like a beast of burden! Bouvoir is trying to say give people the freedom of choice to be whatever they want.

Specific ideas of Myths of women as a social construct include Princesses; Love Island; Mothers; Hip Hop singers etc. All of them are determined by men about women.

Judith Butler wrote Gender Trouble 1990 - talks about the distinction between male and female - is there a problem with that? Ties in with Foucault. Are individuals who do not identify as male or female wrong and do we press our judgement on to them? Butler says to think more fluidly, and variance does exist. What is dominance? I.e. What is right? If it is the majority, it is not necessarily correct nor is it the only way of living. “Gender is not something that one is it something that one does. It is an act (Key Point), a doing rather than a being. There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender identity (What you choose to wear, physical image, what you do)” Gender is very flippant - i.e girls do this; boys do this etc.

Butler also relates to David Bowie; Prince is good examples of demonstrating arbitrariness they are masculine but very effeminate in their looks. Society constructs gender within clothes; biological factors; gender expression; generations allow for inheritance. Butler says people should be allowed to express themselves, individuals. Legal requirements also need to be adhered to.

Power and Race - Kwame Anthony Appiah, an Oxford philosopher, wrote Race. Current affairs and Political tendency’s - Race and ethnicity - white = race; British = ethnicity.

“Differences among people like differences among communities with a single society play a central role in our thinking about who we are - in structuring our values, (ideology) and in determining the identities in which we live. In the last century and a half, racialism and nationalism (think about how they both coincide with one another), so often bound together that one can hardly tell them apart, have played a central role about how we think about these differences and since one of the contributions of modern nationalism has been to see literature as central to national life, race has been central to literature and thought about literature throughout the period.” Literature is about Art - the whitewashing of any art scene you can see how these have cross applications as well. I.e. white actors play black characters. This demonstrates the particular powers of privileges operating within the film industry.

How do Race and Power intersect with the arts - procreation - while artists drawing from black culture and using it as an innovative idea? It has a different role to playing despite the fact that others have done this for years. Things like censorship and expose come out as well. Who are the artists? Who do you refer to for points of reference? What art movements? Who do they represent? Do they want to explore ideas of forms?

Where did ideas come from? The story of O.J. - Jay z 2017 - Street rap music became the push back at establishments 1970-1980 white America was leaving young black men as though they were criminals, and no one would employ them - what did they do?

Jay Z used cuts of overtly racialised animations caricatures to add to the message. In 1940s animations the similar imagery came up. Artists, illustrators and animators who draw others have the power to impress on others how one sees the individual. Although Jay Z is a black artist in 1930s it was not a black artist, therefore, it was how the white artist wanted to portray the black individual.

What De Bouvoir really talks about is an opportunity and how you could bring something innovative from your field similar to Virginia Wolfe’s - Room of One’s Own - what women need to create great literature is the opportunity to do so. Space and financial freedom to make one’s art. Historically women have not had this. She relates to “Daddy’s Office” - the father gets a workspace whereas the mother does not have this luxury.

De Bouvoir talks about Freedom - the freedom to produce “Indeed for one to become a creator, it is not enough to be cultivated that is to make going to shows and meeting people part of one’s life. Culture must be apprehended and taken through the free movement of the transcendents. The spirits with all its riches must project itself in an empty sky that is its to fill. But if a thousand fine bonds are tied to the earth its surge is broken. Etc.”

Take the sentiment that people should be allowed the freedom to explore who they are and produce art. Apply it is everyone, class, wealth and ability, gender, race, age, etc. Literariness a series of letters written from a boy to his mother who cannot read. Explores the strength they have through literariness. Thinking about the role that Art plays. There are ways of resisting these structures and they do not have to be adhered to without question should you wish to do so.

Resistant Art- Childish Gambino - viral sensation and what that does to the role you play in history. Do viral things remain?

The Weather Project - photograph - the people are the audience observing the simulated sun in a locked room - questions of the environment and the sun being the ultimate source of power. Climate change. 

The Blindfolded Man - brings to mind political situations. Police brutality in America. 

Does it have to be political or resistant? It can be realistic and show the persons’ ideal image. Realistic - what is visible around the world. Art & realism are difficult to think through together. Subject to a lot of forces that will affect it. Documentaries are believed to be factual but can still be very political. Personal can still be political. Great art perseveres i.e. Shakespeare plays. Although people still wish to adapt and alter to modern-day, elements and themes will persist.

What is Art? Why is it of interest? Personal, Subjective and allow for criticism and political scrutinise.

[ramajmedia]

10 Things From That 70s Show That Haven't Aged Well | ScreenRant

We're all familiar with the sitcom that follows a group of teenagers as they live their lives in the 70s. In That 70s Show, which actually began airing in the late 90s, we meet all sorts of dynamic, wild, and quirky characters as they go through life dealing with relationships, school, and family. However, while this show is still hilarious, not everything from it has aged incredibly well. In case you're wondering, here are 10 things from the series that don't exactly hold up by today's standards.

RELATED: That 70's Show: 10 Storylines That Were Never Resolved

10 The Huge Deal About Homosexuality

This show is definitely not homophobic, and, sure, it takes place in the 70s, but that doesn't mean this show doesn't feed stereotypes. In the first season, Eric starts hanging out with Buddy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). He discovers that Buddy is gay when Buddy tries to kiss him.

This episode perpetuates the idea that gay people are attracted to all men, which is kind of ridiculous. Also, remember when Fez has a weird dream about Kelso, and they're both horrified by the thought of being attracted to each other? Yeah, we, unfortunately, do, too.

9 Frowning Upon Female Empowerment

Donna is a strong woman, and she constantly is getting made fun of for her "non-girly-like" tendencies. This theme shows up most prominently, though, when her mother, Midge, starts taking female empowerment classes in "Stolen Car".

Bob is not pleased about this and has difficulty accepting the fact that Midge should have her own ambitions and strengths. That's pretty misogynistic Bob, and we're not having any of it.

RELATED: That ‘70s Show: 10 Times It Broke Our Hearts

8 Insulting Men's Emotions

Red is pretty old-school, and it goes without saying that he likes his gender stereotypes. Yes, some of the characters do break these, but it doesn't go without being chastised by the other characters.

Red is constantly on Eric for not being manly enough. Another example is in the episode "Grandma's Dead" when Red's brother comes to visit after their mother passes away. Red is embarrassed that his brother is emotional at the funeral. How dare a man cry over his mother's death, right?

7 Contraception

There's a whole lot of talk about sex in this series. Of course, it's the 70s, and what else do young adults talk about? However, one thing that definitely hasn't aged well is the whole deal with contraception.

There are a couple of times where either Donna or Jackie thinks they are pregnant, which is humorous, and, honestly pretty relatable. However, everyone tries to get involved with Donna's means of contraception, and we're not having anyone tell any woman what to do with her body, ever.

RELATED: That ‘70s Show: 10 Most Underrated Supporting Characters

6 Expectations for Sex

Again, sex is a pretty common theme for this group of friends. Sure, kids can be mean and get pretty involved with each other's sex lives, but this show doesn't do anybody any favors when it comes to gender expectations.

For example, when Eric and Donna sleep together but don't have sex, Eric is chastised for not being a 'man'. Similarly, Eric, for who knows what reason, pulls Donna's pants down during a basketball game, revealing her "granny panties." Of course, she's made fun of for this. Today's lesson: have sex when you're ready and wear whatever the hell you want.

5 Everything To Do With Leo

Sure, Leo is the hippie guy that loves photography and smokes a lot of pot and has long hair and is super stupid. Need we really say more about this absolutely atrocious stereotype? Yeah, it's funny, and we all love Tommy Chong. In fact, we're sure this guy has absolutely no grievances with playing this character.

However, we're not exactly sure that this character ages well in terms of inclusivity and stereotypes. Leo is also kind of a bad person who ends up in jail and has tons of money problems. This huge jab at stoners isn't sitting well with us.

RELATED: That '70s Show: 7 Couples That Hurt The Show (And 13 That Saved It)

4 The Shaming of "Big Rhonda"

If you remember at the beginning of the fourth season, the gang is introduced to Big Rhonda. For starters, her name is literally "Big," and, yes, that should be offensive.

What's even worse, though, is that Fez *amazingly* becomes attracted to her after he gets drunk, and it's, like, a huge deal. We don't really have to explain much more about why this isn't aging well. Yes, you should be offended about everything to do with this character. Oh yeah, they also give her a makeover?

3 "Eric's Hot Cousin"

Yes, this is in fact even the name of the episode that you probably remember cringing all the way through. When Eric's cousin comes to visit, the boys realize that she is older, mature, and smoking hot. However, she takes a liking to Eric.

Of course, this is all a ploy by her to get revenge on Eric for some childhood prank he pulled on her. Still, this episode is absolutely appalling to watch, and it's definitely one of Eric's least redeeming moments in the entire series. Can't say incest was ever okay, but it certainly hasn't aged any better.

RELATED: Where Are They Now: That '70s Show

2 "Let's Spend the Night Together"

This is another episode title, and we chose to include the whole thing because there are multiple parts that are definitely not holding up.

For starters, Hyde finally meets his real biological father. He happens to be a black man, which ends up being the source of many jokes and awkwardness. Sure, it's the 70s, and, yes, Hyde is white, but this whole race fiasco shouldn't exactly be surprising. On the other side of the gang, Donna takes Eric to a feminism rally. This whole scene is horribly unrepresentative of feminists—and rather depicts radical ones—and gives a bad name to all women and men in the movement towards equality. This didn't hold up then, and it's definitely only getting worse as time goes on.

1 When Charlie Falls Off the Water Tower

There's a lot of things from this sitcom that should, and do, make you cringe and definitely question how on earth kids are allowed to watch it these days. While we almost included the plethora of strippers, dating older women, and the weird thing that was Donna and Eric's engagement, we settled on this item for the last spot on this list.

Kelso falls off the water tower A LOT, but do you remember when their new friend, Charlie, falls off the tower in the first episode of the 8th season? Do you remember that he dies? This was supposed to be funny, and it's actually just kicked under the rug, like, immediately after. Yeah, we draw the line at young teenagers falling to their violent death.

We still love this hilarious and quirky show, and we know you'll watch it again. However, you might want to just skip these episodes or at the very least, take them with a grain of salt.

NEXT: Early 2000s Sitcoms Which Defined That Era Of TV

source https://screenrant.com/that-seventies-show-hasnt-aged-well/