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i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
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Pomni and Gummigoo reunite in TADC!
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#tadc#tadc pomni#gummigoo#pomni#digital circus#the amazing digital circus#tadc spoilers#tadc fanart#I would like to formally apologize to Pomni#I actually don’t think Gummigoo is dead#especially with Ragatha mentioned Caine reuses NPCs#but I also don’t think it’s the same Gummigoo or he doesn’t remember her#so gonna be so sad if they do meet again and Gummigoo just doesn’t recognize Pomni#Been awhile since I’ve done angst but I saw this comic so clearly I HAD to draw it#sorry to TADC fans 🩵#IDK if I’ll do mor stand alone TADC content but we’ll see 🙏🏾#my poor little heart won’t be able to take it if this happens BAHA
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my favorite fields of mistria boys 🥰
#fom#fields of mistria#march#balor#art#fanart#not much to tag tbh#i do like march too but balor still takes the cake for me#i know i said that other one was my last fanart but i wanted to doodle march he looks easy to draw#and then balor happened too i cant help it#i just restarted the game im taking it slower this time#i really wish the dragonguard heist plan didnt fall through#cuz i wouldve loved to have isa just go try and grab balors keys#hehe#anyway march is canonically jacked right#not as much as his brother but he has the arms right#appearently balors eyes are brown but i have no idea what color marchs eyes are supposed to be#they just look black#love that the children are always on about balor being so mysterious#so real let me join the dragonguards#the amazing thing to me about balor is that i just did not give a shit about him in the promo art up until i met him in-game#like i saw him in the promos and was like cool whatever ill probably go for march...until i actually met him
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Yaaaaaaaaaaawnnn
#i yawned at least 20 times making this#21 counting the one i did while writing this#tadc#the amazing digital circus#jax#tadc jax#2d animation#actually 22 yawns#had this on my drafts for like a month jhsdajh#mattdrawz
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we were fucking ROBBED
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#the only ssr i'll whale for#oh my god i loved this update. holy shit#got some ~compositions~ in mind so i'll get to the more serious stuff later#in the meantime those first couple of chapters genuinely made me question if i was perhaps trapped in my own absurd dream or not#the whole-ass video just DROPPED in there idia how long were you WORKING on that#don't forget to like and subscribe! :)#i demand that all cutscenes be animated in that style forevermore#i also demand that all clothing changes henceforth be done via magical girl transformation phrase#not just in the dreamworld. all of them.#DREAM~~~~~FORM~~~~~CHAAAA~~~~NGE#also savanarook was so unexpectedly precious! i want to protect him.#augh there's SO MUCH and i am SO PLEASED with all of it#anyway i guess we're going to be going through everyone's dreams after all!#and it's going to be a THING!!!!!!!! CLOSURE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR EVERYONE#(insert 'it's all coming together' meme)#man i hope 'please watch this video' remains a running gag it's AMAZING#also i cannot believe#i cannot BELIEVE#that the plan is actually literally#defeat malleus by inviting everyone else to the party except him#HIS ULTIMATE WEAKNESS#malleus doesn't get to be in smash bros
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SLIGHT EPISODE 2 SPOILERS
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i AM HURT, i AM BETRAYED /LH
#the amazing digital circus#tadc#shitpost#ink rambles#the amazing digital circus pomni#amazing digital circus#tadc episode 2 spoilers#tadc episode 2#gummigoo#THIS IS A JOKE BTW#I STILL LIKE CAINE#GUYS CALM DOWN WE DONT KNOW IF GUMMIGOO IS ACTUALLY DEAD#HE’LL PROBABLY RETURN
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shen yuan's weekly "binghe YOU HAVE watch this anime i can't let you walk around being so uncultured"
#binghe actually just ogles sy for a few hours and afterwards when sy asks what he thought binghe makes some extremely vague shit up#and sy's like..woah...hes so insightful#he genuinely believes binghe is an amazing critic#bingqiu#svsss#scum villain self saving system#svsss fanart#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#bingyuan
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Will you come play with me? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
#trans#transgender#trans pride#transisbeautiful#mtf#transgirl#girlslikeus#mtf hrt#maletofemale#transformation#gaymer#gaymer girl#trans women#trans woman#trans women are beautiful#trans people#transexual#transition#mtf trans#this is what trans looks like#trans community#trans positivity#trans women are amazing#actually trans#trans fem#trans experience#trans feminine#trans sex worker#trans selfie#girls like us
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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Fanart for @beanandberry 's This Love Is Ours 💗
#beanandberry#bunnydoll#my art#animation#gif#I love every one of beanandberry's fics#jax#ragatha#tadc#the amazing digital circus#jaxatha#I did the one on the left last night and the one on the right this morning and it is such a sign to me#that i am way more efficient in the morning#I was a lot smarter about the way i copy pasted in the 2nd one#I need to make more fanart for fics it always makes me want to actually draw a scene#Bean I'm sorry if this isn't what their rooms look like
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...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.
(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#arno#I like to think Arno meant that as an inside thought but it came out as an outside thought. He's rolling with it though.#He did cause a Catastrophic Yaoi event though.#Jamis my beloved. You have the heart of a maiden. The body of an Ox. The brain of a loyal dog.#This is a guy who's okay being attracted to another man but *NOT* aware he's in love or that he's bisexual.#We love him for this. My god. This man is crafted so perfectly. I need you all to at least give Tigers a chance for *him*.#I'm tricking you a little bit because you will actually also fall for Ludo and Luck and Remy and Honeyfoot and-#okay you get the point. There are so many amazing characters in this comic.#I just.. my joke comic of 'gay sex is the solution' feels so ominous now knowing a few weeks later that was going to be canon.#I feel like a jester and a prophet. I don't know if I should tell anymore jokes in fear of what I may predict.#I am putting my hands together for Ludo to get a good smooch in with [redacted] in dragon form.#Also predicting something very spooky is going to go down with the diving bell. We shall see!
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FNAF Monty and TADC Gummigoo are so alike!
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#tadc#montgomery gator#fnaf monty#gummigoo#security breach#digital circus#fnaf ruin#tadc spoilers#fnaf ruin spoilers#fnaf fanart#tadc fanart#the amazing digital circus#five nights at freddy's#SILLY gators can not catch a break 😭#begging on my knees to stopping exploding the sillies 🐊🐊#I’m sorry to both Monty fans and gummigoo fans for this#I JUST HAD to make the comparison#they actually have a lot in common actually conceptually#like both technically being just code#and also probably not ‘dead’ and can return but it’ll be a new ver of them#these poor gators rip to both 😔
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"Good" Acting
i have a theory that a lot of people say acting is "good" when they're emotionally moved by it, and a lot of cishet white people have a lifelong habit of not listening or empathising when minoritised people speak, so minority actors get called "bad" even when they display some pretty fucking amazing technical skill
#also a lot of female actors don't get recognised despite being fucking GOOD#that's not to say minority actors can't always be bad#of course we can#I'm just saying#sometimes#for SOME shows in particular#ahem ahem#some actors might get very heavily criticised for reasons that have very little to do with their actual technical skill#and more to do with the politics of those criticising them#also I'm not talking about me here#before anyone says that#I'm talking about some actors I know who have recently been criticised in my opinion quite unfairly#despite doing something very difficult#like oooohhh i dunno#playing two roles in the same show?#and doing it very well#displaying some amazing technical mastery of body and voice technique#but hey what do I know#oh wait I went to drama school and I'm a professional actor lol I DO know#I'm just a woman so I have to couch my expertise in cutesy self-deprecation lest people think I'm a bitch
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https://www.dropbox.com/sh/41pu2j0alrvmmqq/AADcNEo2K-fsdlacFfuXnKtva?dl=0
Above is the link to an audio file with Palestinian music, read-aloud poetry, storytelling, and excerpts from speeches on history and liberation. It was gathered by Radio Al Hara, an internet radio station broadcast from Ramallah, Bethlehem, and Amman in Jordan, founded during the pandemic as a way to connect during isolation. “Al Hara” means “the neighbourhood” in Arabic. From the river to the sea! 🇵🇸
#palestine#liberation#radio alhara#kwame ture#john berger#ghassan kanafani#edward said#mahmoud darwish#judith butler#angela davis#i actually got to listen to her in berlin that day#and took notes of her entire speech#as it was so amazing!#it was almost exactly a year ago#nothing brings hope like listening to revolutionaries
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I love how these first two episodes literally all Percy does is look hella confused. Walker has the best "the fuck" face ever it's great. The way he looks at Annabeth like "this bitch" is fantastic. This casting is pure gold.
#pjo series#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#walker scobell#leah sava jeffries#pjo#the whole time hes just like what the actual fuck#its amazing#vibes
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Solas: By the end of Hard in Hightown, almost every character is revealed as a spy or a traitor. Varric: Wait, you read my book? Solas: It was in the Inquisition library. Everyone but Donnen turned out to be in disguise. Is that common? Varric: Are we still talking about books or are you asking if everyone I know is a secret agent? Solas: Are there many tricksters in dwarven literature? Varric: A handful, but they're the exception. Mostly they're just honoring the ancestors. It's very dull stuff. Human literature? Now there's where you'll find the tricky, clever, really deceptive types. Solas: Curious. Varric: Not really. Dwarves write how they want things to be. Humans write to figure out how things are.
solas is so insane for this. hes like you got any stories about ME??
#solas#varric tethras#honestly so much random solas dialogue is WILD when you know the context#like his comments about the wolves in the hinterlands#'wolves are actually sooo cool and awesome. they are super majestic and amazing creatures'#dragon age
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