#like actual weeks of work effort
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The idea came to me in a vision. This is that vision made a reality!
Alt version (w/o the effects and highlights) under the cut:
#my art#my ocs#oc art#original character#illustration#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#alone on a friday night#meme#meme redraw#I know it's not friday#the day I'm posting this#but I can't wait that long#I put too much effort into this#like actual weeks of work effort#I hope y'all like it!
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GO SUPPORT THE INDIGO PARK KICKSTARTER !!
#serv0z art#indigo park#rambley the raccoon#rambley raccoon#mascot horror#indie game#art#fan art#indigo park rambley#ive been waiting for this game for like a year now#its so nice to see a mascot horror game where the creator actually gives a shit and puts effort into it#ALSO IM LEARNING HOW TO DRAW ANIMALS THANKS TO THIS AND COTL ARE YOU PROUD OF ME??#its like my interests aligned up perfectly#i still have bsd art and animations to work on but i might work on my narilamb-esc cotl animation first soon#i havent drawn in 2 weeks this is the first thing i do when i come back (minus the lamb and narinder refs that i am Not posting rn)
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--- [gift for @persychan]
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#artists on tumblr#art#ocs#marsilio#pettirossi#text says: the three promises - first performance#this was a bday gift i just forgot to post it from like weeks agoooooo#but it was sent on the right day#anyway keep rolling those promises mars eventually you'll keep one out of pure statistics#he actually didnt die in the boss fight (despite his best efforts) so i guess the statistics' working
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?
put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings
#realtalk therapy doesnt work unless the person getting the therapy puts in the effort to make it work#eridan starts the comic in complete and utter denial that he's in need of help#so there's really nothing i nor any stranger could do about that#HOWEVER he does talk to karkat often about his feelings (and vice versa) and#the reason they didnt hang out during the game seems to be#1) they were on separate teams and didnt realize the teams were the same team until later on#2) by then it was too late and eridan had aggro'd all his angels#3) gamzee was deliberately keeping eridan away from karkat and vice versa (likely bc gamzee had a palecrush on kk)#4) karkat was too busy falling victim to his own insecurities abt being a leader to pay attention to his actual friendships#4a) eg. it shouldve been the time player doing the frog hunt with kanaya & not the blood player#like im not saying moirallegiance with karkat would have fixed all of eridans problems but i am saying#what eridan really needed was a friend who took his problems seriously and could see past his bullshitting#and karkat already WAS that friend - they just never hung out#so by the time the meteor rolls around eridan has spent WEEKS feeling abandoned anxious and alone on his death planet#and karkat has gotten used to not thinking about eridan too much#so karkat - who is basically eridans only actual friend at that point - isnt able to get through to him & eridan snaps#like the thing about sburb/homestuck is that it really stresses the importance of friendship and working together#letting each other help with each others' problems#thats why the smallest viable game is still two people by necessity#so when we see things like gamzee snapping or eridan snapping or vriska snapping#as much as these are the 'fault' of the person snapping they also need to be viewed as comprehensive team failures#the people who should have spent the game together didnt and the people who shouldnt have spent the game together did#vriska was allowed to bully tf outta tavros and nobody intervened#eridan was left all alone and nobody tried to help him#and everybody was mean to gamzee and nobody tried to connect with him#and you know whose job it is to make sure the right people are hanging out together? the blood player#and unfortunately our blood player was so insecure that he was doing jobs that werent his to do#im not saying pale erikar would fix homestuck but i am saying pale erikar is a symptom of things being fixed in homestuck
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cherik hallmark movie au send tweet
reading this roused a visceral reaction within me im so sorry if you had something wholesome in mind
#snap chats#one christmas all my grandma would do was watch hallmark christmas movies back to back while i was in the room#i like how i say 'one christmas' when i mean all of december like fuckin thats what december IS jackass it's christmas: the month#anyway. yeah sure fuck it why not. cherik hallmark movie au.#maybe charles works as a teacher at pietro/wanda/lorna's school and takes extra time to mentor the kids#and Incidentally maybe one of them asks charles what hes doing for christmas As Kids Do With Amicable Teachers#and charles has to confess Not Much since he's pretty estranged from his family + him and gaby are a bit rocky idk#he wont say THAT part why the hell your teacher gonna talk about his divorce. he dont even know he has a kid either thats fucked up Anyway#of course this leads to the Impromptu Invite to erik's house for the holidays. to which of course invites erik to go What.#Kids You Cant Just Invite Your Ethics Teacher For Christmas Dinner its too late. now they gotta start preparing#you have two weeks dad chop chop#bear in mind charles and erik probably kept interactions to a minimum. in this au I Fucking GUESS#so now they have to actually make an effort to know each other so dinner's not awkward as christ#blah blah blah they fall in love Happy Ending
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ermmmm accccshually 🤓☝️
hes my fave ever
#bbc merlin#merlin#art#fanart#clip studio paint#merlin art#artist#my art#study#merlin fanart#this was a colour study. i think.#negl it was nice to get to try something new#i dont usually do stuff like this#im trying to change up my workflow#and im actually really liking it so maybe ill make more of an effort to do it again#also it was super nice to finally draw again after weeks#i hate school work#doodle#the adventures of merlin
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How do you think the public perception of vale and marc changes over time in the fco au and how do they both feel about how both of their legacies are fully tied to each other now?
i think they end up being the beyoncé and jay z of the motorcycle world but sepang is the #lemonade moment because they’re both too obsessed (physically. emotionally. psychosexually.) to consider cheating on each other literally ever. also marc would physically kill them both on track
#alex’s solange moment ongoing it seems. just expressed entirely via thumbs ups at pecco#it’s a lot of joint foundation efforts and press and stuff like that.. they both know it’s easier to be as busy as they are with a buddy#like they had alex and uccio and now they also have their irl partners that they bring with them basically most weeks….#they likeeee each other they are often photographed yapping away at whatever party they both have to attend#the REALLLL fight is actually ironing out if they wanna do joint sponcon. cause i don’t think theyre letting go of their energy drinks easy#motogp#callie speaks#asks#rosquez#forced coming out au#i DO still think marc’s imperial era is hard for fans to swallow in contrast to vale’s decline even if they’re involved.#i think it remains fraught within the sport bc that’s how homophobia in sports works#it’s often an insult to justify hatred of an athlete regardless of circumstance. a mean little tool#as long as marc has opps that’s not gonna go away esp for an actually gay ass twink
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It’s been a while, you good?
I love y'all for checking up on me LOL 🫶🫶🫶
I'm okay, just MIA from Tumblr for a work trip. and obviously still upset and angry and pissed tf off about a lot right now. I have a few asks in my inbox I'll use to rant in more detail but this is just a smoke signal to let y'all know I haven't disappeared LMAO
#this week was sponsored by the effort I had to put into not crashing out ever five minutes in between long ass meetings and team dinners#the amount of brain storming sessions I spent staring at a blank wall trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy.........yeah.#so obviously I was not successful when I tried not to crash out lol#my poor colleagues were visiting the city I live in and I was so manic#I normally have a little bit of downtime during these trips but any downtime I had was dedicated to playing tour guide#and before the trip I was traveling elsewhere#so the timing truly couldn't have been worse#the amount of processing I've actually done is really really fucking low#watch this space for how poorly my processing goes lmfao#also talk about a mindfuck: all this bad news last week and this week I was celebrating some of the best news humanly possible at my job#and like this good news for my job === really fucking good news personally#so while I'm trying not to fall into a literal pit of despair#I'm also popping bottles with my coworkers#and trying not to get too drunk and start ranting about the deep seated hate I have for show runners who fuck over their audiences#I got really really really drunk one night and I have vague recollections of ranting to my work bestie about Bailey at 4 AM lmao
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:] I have finally sat down and (slowly) did my first colored piece in a long while! A little ref for The Gatherer AKA The Hunter's mom :>
and now i can REALLY get into my crackship >:D
#i have not colored in so long it took quite a bit of effort and a couple of weeks fiddling#but i got it! -ish still not sure about the pattern on the sleeve so that might change again#For those unaware - The Gatherer is based off of the very first concept art for the playable character from Journey#and very highly likely her concept was reused to design The Hunter since many members of Giant Squid worked on Journey#and Hunter's father? another Journey Concept Character! who actually was called 'To-Chan' by playtesters aka 'Father' /D#tis the crackship part of the equation lmao#my art :v#The Pathless#the pathless game#journey game#journey 2012
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quitting art aside from what I want to do for myself. ai has destroyed any market, and I do not want to have to be an influencer or internet personality for attention. I sincerely just want to paint whatever I want and live my life with more regular income and less stress. Thanks for the support.
#i actually feel very relieved making this decision#every job opening is for a super senior mega top position#all the studios are closing#i hate ai and i think it is a terrible waste of literally every resource available#while also destroying millions of jobs#which means im sure ai will thrive and never go away because we cant have good things#i thought maybe i could figure it out and keep going but i really dont care#i would be happier not having to compete with every other entry and mid level artist#while constantly looking for work 24/7#and working literally all day and night#im just done.#theres a part of me thats sad but i will still paint for myself and thats all i care about anymore#i also cant get a job as an engineer in my area#so im going to go back to school and get some continuing education#Hopefully if i can redirect into another career#i can find more appropriate and regular work that is safe and moderately well compensated#im due in like. 6 weeks. i really just need something more consistent and art is not doing it#i may do commissions again if things ever clear up with ai#but i doubt that will happen#not even sure if i will continue to post#i dont want my time and effort used by some loser to train their ai
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#meme#len’en#tsubakura enraku#took a break from working on a big project to make this and I dunno whether it’s actually funny??#I put way too much effort into getting the spacing right though lol#the @ starts with ‘mugen_’ like JynX’s Twitter handle and then genchou is the normal reading of the kanji for tsubakura’s name#altogether means like ‘fantasy mysterious bird (swallow)’ so I thought using that drawing for the pfp would be appropriate#plus don’t wanna spoil what I’m still working on lol (jk I don’t care that much)#also I like having ‘gen’ twice in a row it sounds cute#oh ya the 17 is just cause the original is 7 and it was easiest to just add a one but that lines up with the very vague timeline in my head#that being the protags are like mid 20s rn#like me!! I’m turning 24 next week#anyway I don’t post them to tumblr much (I have a Kirby one I should at some point though) but I make meme edits allll the time#and I put wayyy too much thought and effort into them#would you expect any different of me though
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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😐
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#I have come to a conclusion#the next time I get another printed email with written instructions shoved at me#I am going to tell this man point-blank to forward me the original email with any additional information#and politely insist that these communications happen through email not paper#I don't think that's unreasonable#it is better for record-keeping that all of these communications take place through email#it's less wasteful of paper#I am not asking for complex monumental effort or even any extra effort at all#it is 2024 we have been using email at work for decades and surely emailing someone is not an impossible task#actually probably less time-consuming than printing emails and writing on them#if he can communicate through email with the professors making the requests and with our boss who is out this week he can email me too#and if he gets huffy about it and acts like I'm being unreasonable like he did last time I asked for a change#(i.e. please turn down your volume)#then that's on him#maybe I'm allowed to have reasonable expectations in this office too#(as I was typing this he shoved into my mailbox a printout of a record of a book he wants me to delete or something *sigh*)#(I'll build up to that but for now I'm starting with standing my ground on emails about book orders)
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my job wants me gone so bad , like 1 month in and they have already brought out their no effort in communication and gaslighting full force, and telling me much of the work I am doing is wrong and accusing me of not doing the basic things like stocking, that I try so hard and am sure to keep up with being the only person working at a time? like if they are going to do this at least do it while i am on the clock..
#this morning i kept apologizing for doing what i was told and trained to do and the lady sent so many messages of 'well I don't remember#telling you' over n over like ??? so then i had to apologize for her not remembering which like no one does that#to that extent unless they are trying to affect you negatively and or try to get you to say something they can use against you#like ive been abused enough i know how it goes 🙃 ??#and then they are like 'why would you be stupid and put in so much effort when you work the busiest shifts of the week?'#when like literally ive got a good eye for design and decent with sales so like i will touch a merchandise make it more presentable#and suddenly the next people coming in will be drawn to the item to buy like im their little magical willy wonka like they said they wanted#on their original job listing#and ofc there is no mention of how the floor is no longer just perpetual dirt mud to slather around bc i actually cleaned the floor#instead of doing there method of just mopping by putting a mop back in dirty mop water.. like you can visibly see the floor crusted when it#is like that and i wont even start on the dust#nor any mention to how the backroom hasnt remained cluttered from extra my extra tidying or severely cluttered by all the work i did#the last two days#just how i have consistently done a bad job not even keeping up with the basics apparently this entire time 😐#anyways 3 hours of my day Wasted and unpaid from how much they made me cry like there is so much more bot mentioned i hate itf
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catch me sobbing bc I'm about to have a desk of my own for the first time since I was like 17 😭
#me spending my entire adulthood taking up as little space as possible#everywhere I'm living in an effort to be less of a burden on whoever I'm living with#now my mom's gone & cleaned out the storage room so I can make it my space to exist so I'm not just isolating in my bedroom#we spent today in town buying shit for the room.... desk & chair & lights etc....#and I'm v emotional about this..... i think it's going to help me a lot to like. actually exist & function.#not to get emotional about my pathetic life on the dash or anything but wow... realizing it's probably not just depression & anxiety#and that I'm actually probably autistic has done fucking WONDERS for me like. taking steps forward again.#actively working on change & like. figuring out how to cope & regulate & not blame everything about my life on myself being lazy adjgksh#honestly it's 7pm but I'm probably gonna set the desk up tonight bc I'm so fuckign excited to get that room set up now oh man...#that'll probably be most of my day tomorrow too tbh. at least until we leave to go watch d-day in cinema 😭😭#IT'S A GOOD WEEK GUYS..... it's gonna be a good week#━━ �� ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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