#like actual weeks of work effort
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The idea came to me in a vision. This is that vision made a reality!
Alt version (w/o the effects and highlights) under the cut:
#my art#my ocs#oc art#original character#illustration#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#alone on a friday night#meme#meme redraw#I know it's not friday#the day I'm posting this#but I can't wait that long#I put too much effort into this#like actual weeks of work effort#I hope y'all like it!
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GO SUPPORT THE INDIGO PARK KICKSTARTER !!
#serv0z art#indigo park#rambley the raccoon#rambley raccoon#mascot horror#indie game#art#fan art#indigo park rambley#ive been waiting for this game for like a year now#its so nice to see a mascot horror game where the creator actually gives a shit and puts effort into it#ALSO IM LEARNING HOW TO DRAW ANIMALS THANKS TO THIS AND COTL ARE YOU PROUD OF ME??#its like my interests aligned up perfectly#i still have bsd art and animations to work on but i might work on my narilamb-esc cotl animation first soon#i havent drawn in 2 weeks this is the first thing i do when i come back (minus the lamb and narinder refs that i am Not posting rn)
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--- [gift for @persychan]
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#artists on tumblr#art#ocs#marsilio#pettirossi#text says: the three promises - first performance#this was a bday gift i just forgot to post it from like weeks agoooooo#but it was sent on the right day#anyway keep rolling those promises mars eventually you'll keep one out of pure statistics#he actually didnt die in the boss fight (despite his best efforts) so i guess the statistics' working
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(prev)
big knife of radiance
#i don't wanna draw today#to be more specific i don't wanna finish any of my todo rn#it feels like work so i just. stop doing that#anyway the prev is one year ago but this idea is from last week#it's not like i wanna spend actual effort on this idea anyway#(or basically anything else judging by my mental health recently)#perfect for times when you kinda wanna draw but also dont#destiny 2#destiny warlock#destiny 2 art#my art
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Oh, help me God, this hellboy got me coming back for more
reblogs super appreciated !!! close-ups under the cut !
#south park#south park fanart#stan marsh#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr#my ramblings + thought process starts here (warning. its a lot) vvvvvvvvvvvvvv#"heyyyyy shadowww. its mee. da devil.#the amount of eyestrain i went through while rendering this#gradient maps!!! are so fun!!! (they are not i hate them so much)#lots to improve on still. but that's for next time!#the process of making this was so arduous.... but i learned a lot i feel#(and also if i had spent any more time working on this i would have actually lost it)#BUT YIPPEEEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAN MARSH THE LOSER BOY I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS ON TIME#2 days in advance too by the time the queue uploads it#anyways.... stupid loser boy stan marsh..... i found out his birthday was coming up soon#and i had this idea sitting in my head for like.... 2 weeks i think#popped up when i was listening to lexie liu's album the happy star and the song diablo came up#and i thought wait.... doesnt stan get possessed by satan at some point#and so here we are!!#I ACTUALLY RECENTLY WATCHED THE EPISODE TOO AND THE THEME OF THE SONG FIT THE THEME OF THE EPISODE CRAZY WELL AS WELL#sometimes my genius is almost frightening#anyways this emotionally sensitive animal lover boy has really grown on me over the course of the series <3#i still havent.... finished cartman's sheet.....#the self designated deadline i gave myself of 2 weeks is coming up soon and erm. guh.#dies#this took so much effort and brainpower that needed to be allocated to my assignments.......#but its ok!!! im gonna sell this as a print!!! so its kind of!! productive!!#guh i hope this one performs well sob theres this nagging feeling i have that its not gonna do well at all#try painting some funky lighting + greyscale painting she said. it'll be fun she said.
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Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?
put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings
#realtalk therapy doesnt work unless the person getting the therapy puts in the effort to make it work#eridan starts the comic in complete and utter denial that he's in need of help#so there's really nothing i nor any stranger could do about that#HOWEVER he does talk to karkat often about his feelings (and vice versa) and#the reason they didnt hang out during the game seems to be#1) they were on separate teams and didnt realize the teams were the same team until later on#2) by then it was too late and eridan had aggro'd all his angels#3) gamzee was deliberately keeping eridan away from karkat and vice versa (likely bc gamzee had a palecrush on kk)#4) karkat was too busy falling victim to his own insecurities abt being a leader to pay attention to his actual friendships#4a) eg. it shouldve been the time player doing the frog hunt with kanaya & not the blood player#like im not saying moirallegiance with karkat would have fixed all of eridans problems but i am saying#what eridan really needed was a friend who took his problems seriously and could see past his bullshitting#and karkat already WAS that friend - they just never hung out#so by the time the meteor rolls around eridan has spent WEEKS feeling abandoned anxious and alone on his death planet#and karkat has gotten used to not thinking about eridan too much#so karkat - who is basically eridans only actual friend at that point - isnt able to get through to him & eridan snaps#like the thing about sburb/homestuck is that it really stresses the importance of friendship and working together#letting each other help with each others' problems#thats why the smallest viable game is still two people by necessity#so when we see things like gamzee snapping or eridan snapping or vriska snapping#as much as these are the 'fault' of the person snapping they also need to be viewed as comprehensive team failures#the people who should have spent the game together didnt and the people who shouldnt have spent the game together did#vriska was allowed to bully tf outta tavros and nobody intervened#eridan was left all alone and nobody tried to help him#and everybody was mean to gamzee and nobody tried to connect with him#and you know whose job it is to make sure the right people are hanging out together? the blood player#and unfortunately our blood player was so insecure that he was doing jobs that werent his to do#im not saying pale erikar would fix homestuck but i am saying pale erikar is a symptom of things being fixed in homestuck
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ermmmm accccshually 🤓☝️
hes my fave ever
#bbc merlin#merlin#art#fanart#clip studio paint#merlin art#artist#my art#study#merlin fanart#this was a colour study. i think.#negl it was nice to get to try something new#i dont usually do stuff like this#im trying to change up my workflow#and im actually really liking it so maybe ill make more of an effort to do it again#also it was super nice to finally draw again after weeks#i hate school work#doodle#the adventures of merlin
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cherik hallmark movie au send tweet
reading this roused a visceral reaction within me im so sorry if you had something wholesome in mind
#snap chats#one christmas all my grandma would do was watch hallmark christmas movies back to back while i was in the room#i like how i say 'one christmas' when i mean all of december like fuckin thats what december IS jackass it's christmas: the month#anyway. yeah sure fuck it why not. cherik hallmark movie au.#maybe charles works as a teacher at pietro/wanda/lorna's school and takes extra time to mentor the kids#and Incidentally maybe one of them asks charles what hes doing for christmas As Kids Do With Amicable Teachers#and charles has to confess Not Much since he's pretty estranged from his family + him and gaby are a bit rocky idk#he wont say THAT part why the hell your teacher gonna talk about his divorce. he dont even know he has a kid either thats fucked up Anyway#of course this leads to the Impromptu Invite to erik's house for the holidays. to which of course invites erik to go What.#Kids You Cant Just Invite Your Ethics Teacher For Christmas Dinner its too late. now they gotta start preparing#you have two weeks dad chop chop#bear in mind charles and erik probably kept interactions to a minimum. in this au I Fucking GUESS#so now they have to actually make an effort to know each other so dinner's not awkward as christ#blah blah blah they fall in love Happy Ending
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How do you think the public perception of vale and marc changes over time in the fco au and how do they both feel about how both of their legacies are fully tied to each other now?
i think they end up being the beyoncé and jay z of the motorcycle world but sepang is the #lemonade moment because they’re both too obsessed (physically. emotionally. psychosexually.) to consider cheating on each other literally ever. also marc would physically kill them both on track
#alex’s solange moment ongoing it seems. just expressed entirely via thumbs ups at pecco#it’s a lot of joint foundation efforts and press and stuff like that.. they both know it’s easier to be as busy as they are with a buddy#like they had alex and uccio and now they also have their irl partners that they bring with them basically most weeks….#they likeeee each other they are often photographed yapping away at whatever party they both have to attend#the REALLLL fight is actually ironing out if they wanna do joint sponcon. cause i don’t think theyre letting go of their energy drinks easy#motogp#callie speaks#asks#rosquez#forced coming out au#i DO still think marc’s imperial era is hard for fans to swallow in contrast to vale’s decline even if they’re involved.#i think it remains fraught within the sport bc that’s how homophobia in sports works#it’s often an insult to justify hatred of an athlete regardless of circumstance. a mean little tool#as long as marc has opps that’s not gonna go away esp for an actually gay ass twink
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i think i'll probably elaborate on this eventually because i'm not sure how well i can word this right now, but essentially one reason i keep coming back to homestuck is that to some degree it's also an excercise in self examination? i enjoy it as a work, but i also feel compelled to dissect my response to it, for a variety of reasons. if you think that sounds like a nightmarish ouroborous of OCD-fueled pointlessly mastubatory overthinking then you'd be right
#its entertaining intellectually challenging something that pisses me off a little bit AND an object of nostalgia and sentimentality#and i like that i can engage with it on all these different levels but sometimes i get really weird and convinced i'm being wrong or mean o#well it doesn't matter to be honest#i feel like my current prescence in fandom doesn't really reflect my attitude and i don't know why i care about that so much but i do#the cute art and yaoi fanfiction is just the highest returns for the lowest comparitive effort yknow? i like to play + have fun#and yet... it's not enough. but as it stands i don't really have the ability to take bigger swings. or the balls to be honest.#speaking of yaoi i have come to view dj as expressions of those different and conflicting parts of my personality#mr i must brutally dissect myself and little miss intellectual coward. what if they got along after all. and what if they fu#actually ive said enough about that. i've said enough for an entire week here and i'm probably pissing people off now. anyway:#i think my best fanwork is ultimately about me and not the work. like i don't really feel comfortable making assertions about the work.#but i can use it as a means to get at stuff i might not have otherwise... yeah. idk. sorry about this stupid insane rant. goodnight all
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It’s been a while, you good?
I love y'all for checking up on me LOL 🫶🫶🫶
I'm okay, just MIA from Tumblr for a work trip. and obviously still upset and angry and pissed tf off about a lot right now. I have a few asks in my inbox I'll use to rant in more detail but this is just a smoke signal to let y'all know I haven't disappeared LMAO
#this week was sponsored by the effort I had to put into not crashing out ever five minutes in between long ass meetings and team dinners#the amount of brain storming sessions I spent staring at a blank wall trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy.........yeah.#so obviously I was not successful when I tried not to crash out lol#my poor colleagues were visiting the city I live in and I was so manic#I normally have a little bit of downtime during these trips but any downtime I had was dedicated to playing tour guide#and before the trip I was traveling elsewhere#so the timing truly couldn't have been worse#the amount of processing I've actually done is really really fucking low#watch this space for how poorly my processing goes lmfao#also talk about a mindfuck: all this bad news last week and this week I was celebrating some of the best news humanly possible at my job#and like this good news for my job === really fucking good news personally#so while I'm trying not to fall into a literal pit of despair#I'm also popping bottles with my coworkers#and trying not to get too drunk and start ranting about the deep seated hate I have for show runners who fuck over their audiences#I got really really really drunk one night and I have vague recollections of ranting to my work bestie about Bailey at 4 AM lmao
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:] I have finally sat down and (slowly) did my first colored piece in a long while! A little ref for The Gatherer AKA The Hunter's mom :>
and now i can REALLY get into my crackship >:D
#i have not colored in so long it took quite a bit of effort and a couple of weeks fiddling#but i got it! -ish still not sure about the pattern on the sleeve so that might change again#For those unaware - The Gatherer is based off of the very first concept art for the playable character from Journey#and very highly likely her concept was reused to design The Hunter since many members of Giant Squid worked on Journey#and Hunter's father? another Journey Concept Character! who actually was called 'To-Chan' by playtesters aka 'Father' /D#tis the crackship part of the equation lmao#my art :v#The Pathless#the pathless game#journey game#journey 2012
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i'm going to scream ......... why on god's green earth is tumblr SPECIFICALLY fucking up the links in my posts that go back to videos on nhl dot com 😭 no i don't want you to take me to the broken tumblr page that is https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nhl.com%2Fstars%2Fvideo%2Fdal-chi-pregame-justin-hryckowian-6366530400112&t=NjIwNjQ2NDQxODdjOGQ0NzRjMjk0MTFjM2M1OTRiMzFiZDMxZTY5YixhYjAwMWIzNDdmOTk1YjZkNWQzZTJkMDY5ZDE5MDIwYjFkZTRlYTFj&ts=1735606160, i would instead like you to take me to the actual nhl dot com video of ritzy.
i went in to edit the link with the correct link because who knows maybe it's on me. for trying to link something on tumblr. and then once the post saved, it saved the absolutely correct link to the nhl dot com url as the same broken tumblr page!!! what is the beef with nhl dot com!!!!!
so then i was like FINE whatever it doesn't like when i link nhl dot com in the body of the post itself. let me simply link the nhl dot com video page in the source of the post. and now EVEN THOUGH the SOURCE LINK reads NHL.COM on the BOTTOM OF THE POST, it is taking me to the SAME fucked up 'THERE'S NOTHING HERE' tumblr page. what is going on!! why is tumblr actively becoming hostile to me specifically, what with making all my archiving link work moot & also hiding all of my posts from before december 3rd or whatever from every tag i've ever posted in.
#zoe.txt#seeing that the ritzy post was fucked up prompted me to check the otter & robo gifs i'd also linked back to nhl dot com yesterday#and they were ALSO fucked!!!#same w my mav & osker posts from earlier in the week so like. presumably all of my links are fucked which sucks#because then what is the POINT in linking everything if tumblr's just going to decide to fuck my perfectly fine links#links going back to twitter & insta are all apparently still fine#it's literally just nhl links!!#which i do actually super care about!!!#i put effort into making gifs & transcribing the media avails & then linking them so i have an archive of all the interviews i want to keep#i use my own posts all the time to find specific media avails!!#and it's not like i'm going to stop transcribing & making gifs#but it feels like?? a big part of that work is down the drain if the links are all broken now. like what is the POINT alskdjhfg#this is such a dumb thing but it is also very infuriating#also btw i linked the actual nhl page in this post and it's BROKEN
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I am stressed, and I am on edge, and I feel like I'm actually, legitimately reaching my limit. It's kinda funny how my mom was the one to push me there
#she seems to think i have all the time in the world#but i don't think she realizes just how much of that time is spent mentally recovering from#or preparing for#something#i also don't think she realizes she is a huge part of the problem#on top of the general school and work stuff#she's been badgering me to do things for a while now#it's cleaning my room#or applying to jobs#or going to church#or reading the bible#it's always something#there's always something im not doing well enough#then she'll go behind my back and make plans involving me without telling me and then blame ME for not being considerate of those plans#she had the fucking gall to say “there's something going on that you aren't telling me”#like no shit it's almost as if any time i talk to you about something you either blow me off or turn it against me#apparently im getting pretty good at hiding when im having a shit time when im not actively trying to make sure the person knows#to the point when i had an actual panic attack before a surgery once it supposedly came out of nowhere for her#like im starting to realize just how disconnected from my life she actually is at this point and i don't think i care to fix it#i shouldn't fucking have to#i shouldn't have to deal with that on top of school. work. my social life. my finances. hygiene. self-care. etc#not when i don't think she's willing to put through any effort towards improvement#not when she's “the grown adult”#not when her reaction to me making a mistake or losing motivation for something is often along the lines of...#“do you want to end up like your father?”#im so unbelievably fucking done#im about ready to give someone more than just a piece of mind. they're about to get the whole fucking mess of a thing.#the best part? this week's all downhill from here#gobby rants
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#meme#len’en#tsubakura enraku#took a break from working on a big project to make this and I dunno whether it’s actually funny??#I put way too much effort into getting the spacing right though lol#the @ starts with ‘mugen_’ like JynX’s Twitter handle and then genchou is the normal reading of the kanji for tsubakura’s name#altogether means like ‘fantasy mysterious bird (swallow)’ so I thought using that drawing for the pfp would be appropriate#plus don’t wanna spoil what I’m still working on lol (jk I don’t care that much)#also I like having ‘gen’ twice in a row it sounds cute#oh ya the 17 is just cause the original is 7 and it was easiest to just add a one but that lines up with the very vague timeline in my head#that being the protags are like mid 20s rn#like me!! I’m turning 24 next week#anyway I don’t post them to tumblr much (I have a Kirby one I should at some point though) but I make meme edits allll the time#and I put wayyy too much thought and effort into them#would you expect any different of me though
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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