#like a conflict with his father and his younger brother over how he's like

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

Neteyam deserved so much better

[pprodsuga]

never to keep | heeseung

summary: heeseung was always a natural scene stealer, capturing the hearts and attention of those around him. it seemed predestined that he'd pursue a life that would take him beyond the cosmos and leave behind the constellations he once treasured. it's too bad that you were one of them.

warnings: angst and typos, probably.

word count: 8.6K (shorter than previous works, forgive me)

notes: ahahah. this is a therapy piece ... currently dealing with similar themes of a friend prioritizing work and people who don't care for her over people who do, and i feel veryyy conflicted as of late. i, like yn, am not a plaything. why not turn it into a fic. anyway, enjoy and happy reading! x

masterlist + taglist

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

If you love someone, they will always come back to you. 

There’s no logic in love, only strong emotions that make people disregard all they know to chase the feeling of reckless abandon. Love is a wildcard that can catch even the most self-protective person off guard. You’ve read it in stories from childhood fairytales to watching strangers fall in love in your favorite books and television shows growing up. You believe the people who kiss on the screen must surely find an ounce of love, even if only for a brief moment. 

It’s no surprise that you’ve come to love Heeseung the way you do. To love him is to know him, even if he’s too tired to see you on the weekends or too occupied to sit next to you at the lunch period because of his days training to become an idol. What you know at this point in your life is that love is unconditional; supporting your best friend to pursue a dream he’s talked about since he could speak feels right. 

To love somebody doesn’t necessarily mean to devote oneself to the fullest extent, but somehow you feel as though this way of thinking never quite aligned with how you’ve come to love. Heeseung’s parents are a surrogate for your own, especially when it’s just you and your mother in the small, two bedroom apartment that sits on the edge of town and away from the city. They tuck you in at night during holidays and other special occasions when you’ve become too tired to drive back to your home. 

Minjun, Heeseung’s younger sister by four years, warmed up to you quicker than anyone had expected. The fierce girl had a protective streak over her brother once he grew into his height and learned that winking at pretty girls could get them to do whatever he asked of them within reason. Minjun doesn’t recall when she met you for the first time because she was likely too young to remember, but her sweet nature towards you speaks louder than you could’ve ever anticipated. 

Growing up with a single parent as an only child provides enough time to befriend loneliness. There are days spent idly in the apartment waiting for someone to keep you company, often wishing that the house was filled with people to keep the void full and lively. But now, because of the Lee family and how close you’ve become to their two children, it seems as if the idea of a central family is closer than you think. 

Heeseung didn’t expect for you to become a prominent fixture in his life when the two of you were partnered for a science project at the ripe age of thirteen. He’d experienced a growth spurt and acne for the first time simultaneously, growing insecure in himself with every day that passed by. Heeseung hadn’t anticipated you sitting with his family at the dinner table five years later, listening to a mundane story about his mother’s workday at a boring corporate-level position Heeseung doesn’t bother to remember. 

He never thought you’d be cooking with his father in the kitchen upon returning home from his training practices, talking about the art of seasoning as the meal preparations come to a finish. He doesn’t remember when you started coming over without the pretense of coming to see him either. Heeseung surely does not anticipate Minjun waiting for your arrival by the front windows just to insist on being the first person who welcomes you into their home. 

Naturally, Minjun becomes a recognizable face in your life because of how often she spends time with you and Heeseung. The young girl sets up her homework as the two of you begin yours, her schoolbooks significantly lighter than yours but you make conversation anyhow. 

“I think she likes you because you don’t treat her like she’s thirteen,” Heeseung says as he dries the dishes from dinner as you scrub them clean. “She hates it when people baby her.” 

“Sometimes I think I need to watch how I talk to Minjun.”

“No, you don’t. Minjun likes that you talk to her like a friend.”

“That’s what she is, no? A friend?”

“More than me?”

You flick water towards Heeseung. “Yes, if you keep teasing me.” 

“Seriously, though. Thanks for being nice to her. She complains that she’s the youngest out of everybody all the time.”

“I used to be like that.” You close the tap water and hand the last dish to Heeseung. “I hated being at the kids table when everybody else got to be an adult. Minjun’s at the age where she’s aware of it.” 

“God, we sound like her parents, or something.”

You bite back a smile. 

Caring for Heeseung is arguably the easiest thing you’ve ever done. He makes it simple when you receive a text from him hours before you wake up and just before you go to bed despite his busy schedule. You wonder at all how he manages to fit you into his life with all of his dreams and responsibilities, but Heeseung always tells you it’s because there’s room for you. 

Being so close to his family helps internalize the fact that you are a permanent fixture in his life. Mrs. Lee drops off baked goods on Saturday mornings most times because she knows your mother likes to eat a sweet treat with her bitter coffee. Mr. Lee goes out of his way to fix faulty ceiling fans or kitchen drains when he has the time to spare your income. Minjun gives you drawings from her art classes that sit on your refrigerator. Integrating their life within yours feels natural. 

Heeseung has always been somebody you’ve looked up to, poised for success after deciding he loved singing enough to make a career out of it. The eight-year-old boy who loved to choreograph dance numbers to famous songs carries this humble beginning when he talks about what life might look like for him when he’s crossed the threshold that separates his life from now. 

It seemed as though Heeseung’s dream of becoming an idol never seemed too far out of reach, even if he had his moments where he felt like giving up. Things always worked out for him in ways nobody could explain, like moving to a new city because of his mother’s job and making friends within an hour of transferring to a new middle school. Or the time when he’d auditioned to train under a management company and hadn’t heard back from them for weeks–Heeseung prepared to stop giving himself false hope for his future as an idol until the fateful email sat at the top of his inbox, welcoming him to the company. 

Life was always easier on Heeseung than it was for everybody else. 

You don’t see him much between classes because he’s on a special path created for people who are like him. People who are destined to debut as an idol are given certain exemptions to ensure quality education while having enough time to train in all areas of performance art. It took a while for Heeseung to get used to his new life and the new routine set in place for him but you were always there to remind him that this is what he wants more than anything in the world. All of the stress and frustration that comes with change, no matter how brutal or unnerving, will be worth it when he sees his dream to the end. 

You’re a young adult at this point in your life but it feels like you’ve aged beyond your peers because of circumstance. Spending time at the Lee residence when your mom’s at work or visiting her friends prevents you from feeling as lonely as you do in between four white walls that barely feel like home without someone else in it. Growing up quicker than your peers feels like something expected of you. Oftentimes, you wish you could maintain childlike innocence as Heeseung does, dreaming so big and far that everything seems like a possibility if you dreamed hard enough. 

Watching him dance and hearing him sing feels like a reminder that there’s more to life than what you know. Your best friend is your confidant and the person you see yourself in the most. The boys and girls who befriend him because of his good looks and potential stardom don’t matter much to either of you when the promise of lifelong friendship looms in the future. You can’t imagine Heeseung not being in it. 

Mr. and Mrs. Lee sit at the dining table over a cup of post-dinner coffee while Minjun scrolls through her phone by the couch with a Netflix show you’ve never heard of on the television. Their soft murmurs have become a familiar background noise. You sit next to Minjun and peer over her shoulder. 

“I like these shoes a lot,” she tells you as she turns the phone for you to see. “All the girls in my grade are wearing these.” 

“Do you like them because you like them or because everyone else does?” 

She frowns. “What’s wrong with liking what other people like?” 

“Nothing, but if you’re going to buy flats just for them to sit in the back of your closet, that doesn’t seem like a good reason to have them.” 

Minjun has approached the age you’re all too familiar with. When you turned thirteen, the impending doom of fitting in hit you like a truck when you realized all of the girls in your grade had expensive clothes while you wore hand-me-downs from your cousins. Your backpack, which you had been using for three years because the straps weren’t broken, felt like a burden to carry when everybody else had pretty satchels. You felt juvenile in your too-worn sneakers and the two pairs of jeans you had sitting in your closet. But you were thirteen and your mother made enough money to make ends meet and put dinner on the table. Clothing and new school materials didn’t matter compared to eating before bed. 

Part of this insecurity has always followed you throughout childhood, especially when you were old enough to be aware of the fact that you were one of the few people in your grade who didn’t have a nuclear family. The kinds of families you’d see on the television didn’t exist in real life because while these programs taught its audiences the value of a good, stable home life, you’d been watching them alone while you waited for your mother to come home from work. There would be no dinner at the table with both of your parents because you knew there would be just her.

Watching Minjun grow up with two parents who dote on her feels bittersweet. It feels like watching a version of what could have been if only your father had chosen to stay in the picture instead of abandoning his family for a promising career in entertainment. Minjun’s petulance often reminds you that you were not privileged enough to have this kind of grace because of how rapidly your circumstances forced you to grow up faster than your peers did. 

There’s a small part of you that envies her life when you think about what yours could have been if he had stayed. Maybe you wouldn’t have had to watch your mother slave away at odd jobs to keep the lights on before finding a good, stable job after years of searching. Maybe you wouldn’t have felt so lonely in your adolescence because he’d take you to ice cream after school. Maybe the hollowness that remains inside of you would have been filled with joy and laughter on the holidays. 

“You’re right,” Minjun sighs, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Seri told me my outfit would’ve looked prettier if I wore these.” 

“People should keep their opinions to themselves.” 

Minjun nods. “Agreed.” 

Heeseung emerges from the kitchen a moment later and sits next to you on the couch. The dip in the cushion and his thigh being pressed against yours isn’t a new phenomenon, but the heat that creeps up your neck can’t be helped when he looks like a model from the corner of your eye. You swallow until your mouth feels dry to keep both Lee siblings from asking why you look like you’re about to explode. 

It’s easy to fall in love with Heeseung. All of the girls fawn over him already, a promising sign that Heeseung will likely be just fine when he debuts as an idol. He’s always been good with people and speaks in a way that makes people root for his success even if it was unintentional to begin with. He’s charming in a way that seems humble. Heeseung has a skill for making you feel like you are the only person in the room when he talks to you. You’re sure it’s why people feel drawn to him and why everybody loves being around Heeseung so much. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same way. 

Sometimes, you grow envious of how easy it is for Heeseung to get people to like him. Career prospects aside, it’s almost as if he can convince anyone he’s somebody worth being friends with. Cashiers love him because he doesn’t make small talk awkward. He’s not afraid to talk to strangers and strike up a conversation with somebody while waiting for his coffee order. Heeseung is bashful enough to come across as sincere and it seems to reel people in. 

He inspires you in ways that you can’t fathom but simultaneously reminds you that you’ve got no future or prospect. It’s unfair to compare yourself to your best friend, but being in such close proximity where people praise him next to you are constant reminders that your life hasn’t begun and you don’t know if it ever will. Your life feels stagnant compared to his exciting one. While Heeseung spends his days and nights perfecting his dance techniques and vocal skills, you sit in your room and wonder what life would be like if you could touch the moon. 

There are days where you wish you could be as suave and charming as he can be. You feel awkward around people you don’t know and limit yourself to new experiences when it feels too intimidating. You’re not somebody who’s confident enough to start a conversation, let alone with somebody you aren’t familiar with. Where Heeseung excels in the socializing department, you find yourself playing catch-up every time you see him befriend yet another person you aren’t familiar with. It’s a wonder how you two became as close as you are.

Meeting him had been by chance. You knew him from friends of friends and saw him in the hallways between class periods but never had a reason to talk to him until the two of you were partnered for a class project. The newfound partnership felt oddly comfortable from the minute Heeseung introduced himself to you with that same charming smile everyone knows him to have. His wit and humor brewed the perfect potion for you to feel like caring for him as deeply as you do would become inevitable. It wasn’t a bet on if you would fall for him as hard as you did, but when. 

You’re inclined to believe you keep it hidden well. Heeseung is far too oblivious most times to see you as anything other than his best friend. You’ve treated him like a friend far longer than you’ve liked him romantically, so acting as if you don’t have feelings for him is easy when you remind yourself that having him in your life would be better than the alternative. Still, you have moments where you yearn to hold his hand and kiss him before he leaves for practice. 

“Do you want to come to the next showcase this weekend?” Heeseung asks, nudging your side with his elbow. You pry your attention away from Minjun’s phone to look at him. “It’s gonna be a small one in the company theater. There’s going to be a bunch of important people in the industry. Allegedly.” 

“Of course I’ll come, Heeseung. This is you we’re talking about. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

The smile he gives you is blinding. 

“I really appreciate you supporting me, you know that? I don’t say it often, but I should. Thank you for always supporting me.” 

Your heart bursts. 

“I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t do at least that,” you tell him. 

“My parents and Minjun are gonna be there too so you won’t be alone.” He smiles at you like he knew you were worried about who to sit with, let alone if there’s going to be important people that could determine Heeseung’s career. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, an overwhelming feeling of shyness overtaking you. “It’s silly that you have to look out for me all the time.” 

“No, not silly,” he says immediately, pushing his head to your shoulder. You don’t imagine this position is very comfortable for him, but Heeseung seems keen on staying in this position. “We’re kids, Y/N. You don’t need to have your life together. I’ll always look out for you and walk you through it if that’s what you need.” 

You sigh. “You know, one day, you’re going to become so famous that you’ll inevitably be too busy for me.”

Heeseung shakes his head. “No I won’t. Who checks up on me every day after practice? Who do I come to when I need to cry? Who do I invite to my home when I’m not even here?”

“Technically, your parents invite me over when you’re not here.” 

Heeseung pinches your thigh. “I’m serious, Y/N. You’re not getting rid of me. It’s like, scientifically impossible to separate the two of us.” 

“Thanks, Hee.” You feel him nod against you before he lifts his head from your shoulder. “I just feel like I get in my own head sometimes. You know what you want to do for the rest of your life and I barely know what I want for breakfast tomorrow.” 

“We don’t always have to figure it out. I know saying that feels like bullshit because I’m training to become an idol but I’m serious. There are so many people we know who don’t know what they’re doing with their lives.” 

“It feels like my life could very well be over.”

“You’re being dramatic.” 

You make a face at him. “I know.” 

“You’ll find something for you, okay? You’re barely an adult anyway. You still have college and all of that shit to figure it out.” 

“You’re right.” 

“As always.” 

“Don’t push it, Heeseung.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Mr. and Mrs. Lee drive you to the showcase. They pick you up and the four of you have a quick dinner before heading over to the company’s theater and you feel somewhat like an important industry person when you’re given a badge with ‘VIP’ on it to signify that you’re part of the family and friends entourage. You see a group of people with clipboards and pens at the ready, dressed like they’ve just come from important meetings that determine the futures of each trainee. Perhaps that’s who they are. Some of these well-dressed individuals have younger people standing beside them, presumably assistants or something as such. 

It feels very formal and you’re wondering if the long skirt and long sleeve top you’re wearing is too childish. Everybody who looks important seems to be donning suits or dresses that make them look like they stepped out of a drama show. It doesn’t matter how many times you remind yourself that you’re young and not here to mingle with corporate executives. You still feel like the floor should swallow you whole and spit you out with a new wardrobe that matches everyone else’s. 

Heeseung’s parents chat with a few people they recognize and leave you and Minjun to fend for yourselves (or, rather, it feels that way). The young girl beside you hooks her arm with yours when you’ve been quiet for a moment too long and starts to lead you down the aisles. 

“Everyone in here looks so stuffy,” she whispers. “People working in entertainment should look like they’re having fun.” 

“I feel a little silly in this skirt,” you admit.

“You look great,” Minjun tells you as she bumps your hip with hers. “My mom made me wear this stupid dress that I can barely breathe in.” 

“I happen to think you look very cute, Minnie.” 

“But I don’t want to look cute,” she whines quietly. “I want to look like an adult.” 

“Yeah, well you can look like an adult when you are one. For now, just be happy that somebody finds you cute enough to do things for you.” 

Minjun wants to argue but doesn’t. In the time that she’s known you, there hasn’t been a reason for her to distrust anything you say to her because you’ve never had a reason to lie. It’s why she’s likely to listen to you over her own brother, a fact that Heeseung holds a mild grudge over. 

“I guess you’re right. I can’t even drive. I need people to drive me places.” 

You stifle a laugh. “Yeah, driving can be a pain sometimes. Enjoy your youth while you have it, okay?” Minjun rolls her eyes in a way that lets you know she’s joking. Being outwardly affectionate doesn’t seem to run in the Lee sibling genes, but you’d like to think you know them well enough to tell when they’re being genuine.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” 

You try to tell yourself that, too. When everybody finds their seats and when the showcase begins, you’re in awe of how many talented people there are in the room when you hear their incredible vocal abilities and make performing in front of a crowd look easy. It’s easy to spot Heeseung when he’s dancing with a group of people you’ve never seen before. He always looks as if he’s floating on air, moving his body in ways you can’t fathom and he makes learning difficult choreography seem like a walk in the park. You’ve heard him sing before but not to this extent. The steady tone he delivers when he dances amazes you beyond comprehension and Minjun would later swear that she saw stars in your eyes when you watched her brother perform like this for the first time. 

What Heeseung neglected to tell you was that he secured a solo spot after months of impressing his coaches. He performs one of his favorite songs and moves across the stage like he was always meant to be dancing on it. From here, Heeseung looks like a celestial being with the lights cascading down his body. You hold your breath the entire time he sings on that stage and clap the loudest when everybody gives him a standing ovation. You peek to the side to see the same, stuffy executives nodding after his performance and write down things on their clipboards that you can only hope are praises and nothing but. 

Heeseung’s parents make their way to the front of the stage when the house lights turn on. They talk to people you don’t recognize and you find yourself following them instead of looking like an awkward mess, as everybody else has chosen to stand from their seats and greet the performers that have come out from backstage. 

Your best friend looks magnificent with his makeup and the outfit he last performed in. He looks like a real idol in this light and pride swells within your chest when people applaud him for his incredible performance before he reaches you. His smile turns bigger when he sees you and Minjun approaching him behind his parents and makes his way to engulf you in a hug. 

“You’re here,” he breathes. 

“I’d always said I’d be here for you, didn’t I?”

“I think this was the most important showcase of my life.” 

It would be hard to ignore Heeseung’s arm wrapped around your waist like he’s done it a thousand times before. It’s true that the two of you aren’t strangers to physical touch, but he never lingers on you like he is now. Still, you chalk it up to overflowing happiness and you can sense that Heeseung is genuinely pleased with himself. He isn’t pretending that he performed well like he does when he avoids going home after practice in lieu of spending time with you in your mother’s apartment. 

“You’re fucking incredible,” Minjun praises. 

“Language,” Heeseung chides, removing his arm from your waist to pinch her cheek. “Thank you for coming too. Where are eomma and appa?” 

Minjun points to where they are. “I think they were waiting for you to come out and started talking to the coaches.” 

“We should make our way there.” 

“You should,” you tell him, pushing Heeesung towards his parents. “I’ll be here when you’re done.” 

“Nonsense.” Heeseung shakes his head and grabs your wrist as best as he can with multiple bodies trying to squeeze past the three of you. 

When Heeseung pulls you away, you’re sure to grab onto Minjun’s hand so she doesn’t get lost in a sea of people either. Mr. and Mrs. Lee beam when they see their son approaching and Heeseung drops your wrist in favor of being smothered with affection by his parents. You can tell he feels embarrassed to be doted on in front of his peers because of how his ears are turning red, but you sit back and laugh with Minjun when she points it out loud. 

You let them talk and watch as people clad in business attire approach Heeseung and his parents. You're not sure if Heeseung knows them or not but he smiles and shakes their hands, going so far as to bow to their assistants as well. He talks to them like he’s been in this business for decades, making people laugh and remaining as humble as ever when people praise his performance skill. You’re not sure how Heeseung handles all of this attention and praise at the same time, or even what it must feel like to be talented enough to have people approach you. 

As you observe everybody else, it’s clear that Heeseung is the star of tonight’s showcase. The other performers did a fantastic job as well, but something about your best friend draws executives to him, and you’re sure everyone who hasn’t spoken to Heeseung is waiting for their turn. It feels exhausting to watch people socialize. You can only guess how exhausted Heeseung might be. 

Minjun joins her parents a little while later at their request, leaving you alone for the time being. You pull your phone out and text your mom that you’re still at the showcase and will let her know when Mr. and Mrs. Lee drive you back to the apartment. You use this as an excuse to look busy, replying to a few friends that you didn’t have time to respond to before coming to the showcase. But those conversations are dry and leave you without a distraction. 

“Y/N, come here!” 

Heeseung calls your name and your head snaps to where he’s standing. He beckons you over with a wave and you awkwardly waddle to where he’s standing. His family aren’t with him and you wonder just how long you’ve been looking at your phone for. 

“This is my best friend, Y/N,” Heeseung says as he pulls you closer to him. “Y/N, meet Kim Namjoon. He’s the president and founder of Big Hit.”

“It’s lovely to meet you.” The bow is almost automatic and you’re sure to put on a good first impression to help any reputation Heeseung has with Namjoon. You bow at an angle that’s deeper than a common greeting but just shy of ninety-degrees. 

Namjoon returns in kind. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Heeseung’s a talented one, isn’t he?” 

“He’s the best at what he does,” you say earnestly. “I’ve never seen anybody work as hard as him in my entire life. Pardon if I’m overstepping, but I think Big Hit is incredibly lucky to have him.” 

He laughs at your politeness. “I feel the same. It’s not every day you come across someone who’s skilled at, well, everything.” 

“You know, when Heeseung and I were younger, we had this ongoing joke that he could master anything on the first try. I think it’s what makes him special, you know?”

“Guys, please don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Heeseung whines. His cheeks are red but both you and Namjoon laugh in good fun.

“There’s a reason why I chose Heeseung to be tonight’s soloist,” Namjoon informs. “This showcase is meant for people in the industry and if I’m being honest with you, I think you’ll be getting good remakes on your review.” 

Heeseung beams. “Wow…I don’t know what to say.”

“He says ‘thank you,’” you answer for him. “I can’t imagine what training must be like but I do know that all of it has paid off. Thank you for giving Heeseung a chance to prove himself.” 

There’s a glint in Namjoon’s eye. 

“Have you ever considered working in publicity?” Namjoon asks you. 

“No, why do you ask?”

“I think you’d have a real talent for it.” Namjoon says it in a way that feels too casual for a showcase, especially if he’s the one in charge of the company Heeseung is training under. “You speak well for Heeseung.” 

“Oh…thank you.” 

He turns to Heeseung and claps him on the back. “There’s more to being an idol than training and performing. You need people who know you and know the business. It’s important to make your career thrive because you can be the most talented person in the world, but if you don’t have the right people around you, none of that will matter.” 

Heeseung nods. “Y/N’s always been my champion.” 

“I can see.” Namjoon smiles at you. “Entertainment is not for the faint of heart and there’s more to it than being photographed. You need to be in the right places at the right time and know the right people who can get you there. That’s what publicity does for you. Y/N’s already doing it and she’s not working in entertainment yet.” 

Somehow, his words feel comforting. “I haven’t thought about what I want to do with my life but that seems like something I could do.” 

“It’s important work. Heeseung can perform the shit out of his solo but it doesn’t mean anything if he has nowhere to perform it.” 

Namjoon smiles at the both of you before his name is being called from behind him. 

“Great job on your solo, Heeseung.” He turns to you. “It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” He bows once more to the both of you before departing. 

“I feel like I’m buzzing,” Heeseung says as he puts an arm loosely around you. “It was like I was the only person in the room when I was performing, you know? The dance with the other guys was amazing and all of that but I feel like I was on another level when it was just me up there.” 

“You were incredible, Hee. I mean that. I don’t know a single person more talented than you.” 

Heeseung smiles down at you. 

“You know, it means a lot that you come to see me. Sometimes I wonder if people talk to me because they know I’m training to become an idol but you never make me feel like that. It feels natural and genuine. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks.” 

You push him away from you, a giddy smile tugging on the edge of your lips. Heeseung is affectionate but less so in his vocabulary, choosing to tease you because it’s his way of letting you know he cares for you. Hearing him be so open and vulnerable tugs at your heartstrings and it makes you feel like you could achieve anything. 

“I’ll always be here for you, remember? You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung’s life changes for the better after the night of the showcase when Namjoon tells him he’s secured a debut spot underneath their brand new label, Belift. Happiness flows within the Lee household and you’re nearly in tears when you realize all your best friend has worked for has finally paid off. 

But with it comes uncertainty and your fears are slowly becoming a reality when Heeseung stops talking to you as frequently as he used to. 

It comes with the job and you’re more than aware of how much Heeseung has on his plate between preparing for his debut and trying to fit in with the industry. You can’t imagine what life must be like for him now that his dream is just a few weeks away of becoming a reality but part of you wonders if it’s too difficult for him to keep you hanging on a leash. 

He calls his parents and Minjun as often as he gets. You know because Minjun swings by your mother’s apartment with Mrs. Lee on Saturday mornings to drop off baked goods, updating you on the latest she’s heard from her older brother. You try your best to quell your jealousy because they’re his family after all, but part of you feels like you have a right to call yourself his family too after all he said to you during the night of the showcase and all you’ve done for him. 

You’re sure Mr. and Mrs. Lee can sense it too. Heeseung no longer lives at home, having moved into his own dorm in the heart of Seoul, thirty minutes from you. You aren’t a stranger to their household without his presence but you’ve gradually stopped coming by unless Minjun calls you from Mrs. Lee’s phone to ask you to hang out. 

Texts and calls slowly diminish with his new line of work. You went from hearing from him every day to every other day, to nothing at all.

Seeing the blue delivered messages without any indication that he’s acknowledged you, makes you feel like a second priority. But you don’t know if you get the right to feel like this when you know how busy he is and the weight of his debut. Heeseung’s got one shot to make a good first impression and the last thing you want is to distract him from achieving his childhood dream of being a successful idol. 

Still, the silence stings.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows you’re waiting on him and ignores the pit in the bottom of his stomach that tells him to text you back. 

His new life has changed in ways he couldn’t fathom. When Namjoon told him the news about his debut and all of the details surrounding it, Heeseung felt as if the weight of the world was no longer a burden for him to carry, and that all he has ever wanted would eventually come to fruition. His new friends, namely the three guys around his age who have trained to become musicians, are people he gets along with more than he thought he would. Heeseung’s newfound excitement about the next chapter of his life takes him to new heights and he finds himself spending more time with Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon as they prepare for the debut showcase. 

Heeseung knows you’re waiting for him back at home but it’s so hard to focus on you when he’s wrapped up in his new life. Making time to see you is hard enough as it is and he knows you’re as patient as can be. In the years he’s been friends with you, Heeseung knows that your resilience knows no bounds and all that you’ve experienced in your lifetime has built the strong-willed, confident person he knows you to be. 

But his new life gets him caught up in the feeling of the present success. The three guys have known each other far longer than Heeseung has known them, only greeting each other in passing since all four of them were training in different areas of performance art. It wasn’t until they were living together that Heeseung started befriending them beyond practice and rehearsals. Jake’s the one who includes Heeseung the most on group outings or spending time playing video games in the living room. His entire life he’s been alone or with just you, seldom having a group of guys who just gets him. 

Heeseung tucks away the nagging feeling in the back of his head when he and Jay are preparing a meal for the four of them when he sees a text from you. 

hey hee, are you busy right now? it’s been a while since we hung out and i thought it would be nice to go get boba, or something. my treat !! <3

He shoves his phone in his back pocket before Jay can notice him staring at the screen. The message goes unanswered for the rest of the night as he basks in the company of his friends-slash-coworkers, the thought of getting boba with you far removed from his mind. Playing video games and getting to know the people he’ll likely be working with for the foreseeable future takes precedent. It’s what Heeseung keeps telling himself. 

After a while, the guilt no longer eats him alive. You’re busy focusing on graduating and preparing to attend university in the fall while he’s made his debut with his newfound best friends. It’s no surprise to anyone that Heeseung’s fanbase grows at a nearly alarming rate after he makes his debut. He grows popular with each day that passes and it feels like Heeseung has become the face of the newest generation overnight. 

He’ll wonder what you’re up to from time to time and let you know how he’s doing. Heeseung first sends a text to apologize, lying about not seeing your text sooner and that he’d love to get boba with you when he has the time. You tell him not to worry because you know he’s busy. He texts you pictures of his first performance and scenic pictures of the cities he visits because of his travel and promotion schedule. You update him on the end of the school year and how your mother is dealing with you moving away for college. 

The texts become sparse as the two of you resume your separate lives and Heeseung doesn’t realize that you don’t text him until the day of your graduation–the day that he was supposed to graduate if he hadn’t deferred to the trainee program–wishing him well and that you’re thinking of him. You send a video of yourself pulling your tassel over the graduation cap and he feels nothing for the lost time when he’s on his way to promote his first album overseas.

It’s for my career, he tells himself when he realizes how much time has passed since he thought of you. I’m doing what’s best for me and everybody else needs to get used to it.

It isn’t until Heeseung is permitted a few days off that he comes home per his parents’ request. He doesn’t tell them that he’s a bit homesick even though his dorm is a thirty minute drive, but it feels oceans away when his days are packed from morning until night. He tells his parents about his travels and what kinds of food he’s been eating when he’s overseas. Heeseung gifts Minjun all of the trinkets and souvenirs he bought from his time promoting his album, and what his future holds for him when he returns to his life as an idol. Mr. and Mrs. Lee applaud their son’s hard work, yet they can’t help but feel like there’s a piece of a puzzle missing because you aren’t here to celebrate with them. 

You make a visit at Minjun’s request. When you arrive, you’re stunned to learn that Heeseung is back at home and only has the evening until he needs to return to work. Heeseung can see the disappointment that festers in your eyes and the way your shoulder droops as you smile at him for his family’s sake, although he knows it’s false bravado because your grin doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

 He leads you upstairs to his bedroom when Mr. Lee insists that the two of you spend some time together after not having seen each other in ages. It feels awkward to be in his childhood bedroom with the door just slightly ajar at this moment, but it isn’t anything completely new.

What is new, however, is seeing that you’ve dyed your hair a different color and that you’ve gotten your ears pierced.

“You look good,” he says, lifting his hand to toy with the end of your hair. “It matches your skin tone nicely.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Did you do it recently? It looks fresh.” 

You don’t note that Heeseung also has a different hair color than his natural jet black. 

“Two weeks ago. My cousin did it for me.” 

He nods. “Nice. It looks good. I see that you’re wearing necklaces too.” 

“Yeah. I decided it was time to stop being a child and get it over with.”

“You know, you don’t have to do things if you don’t want to.” You throw a pointed look at Heeseung and it’s an expression he’s unfamiliar with. 

“I know. But I like earrings and that’s why I wanted to get them pierced.” 

Heeseung wipes his hand on his pants at the awkward tension in the room. He knows he’s to blame. His schedule and priorities have pulled him away from you and the life he’s built prior to debuting, but can anyone blame him? Can anyone blame him for not being able to balance his life when he’s been given the keys to a new empire? 

“Well, it was nice seeing you.” You throw a cheap smile in his direction and motion to open the door until Heeseung grabs your wrist, causing you to turn around. 

“You’re leaving?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “You have an early day tomorrow.” 

Heeseung sharks his head. “It’s fine. I don’t have to be back in Seoul until ten anyway. I’ve missed you and I want to spend time with you before I absolutely have to fall asleep.” 

You scoff. “That’s real funny, Heeseung. You missed me but all of my texts and calls go unanswered.”

He frowns. “You know that I’m busy most days.” 

“And nights?” 

“I’m with the guys back at the dorm.” 

You poke your cheek with your tongue. 

“See, I would know all of this if you bothered to talk to me at all but it sees that your new life is treating you just fine.” 

You make another move to leave his room but he closes the door, startling you with the loud noise. He apologizes quietly and uses his body to block you from leaving for the time being. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy between promotion and rehearsal that it’s hard to keep track of who I keep up with and who I don’t.” 

“You’re talking to me like I’ve never seen you cry before,” you say with a disappointed sigh. “You act like I’m somebody you once knew in a past life.” 

“Not true. You’re my best friend.” 

“Best friends would bother to talk to each other. You know that, right? I don’t exist just so you can pick and choose when you need somebody to talk to. It makes me feel like you don’t actually care about me, Heeseung. It makes me feel like you’ve ever cared about our friendship unless you needed a shoulder to cry on and I was the first person who would listen to you.”

“That’s not true. I’m just busy.”

“I get that, I really do. But it’s been months, Heeseung. I know that I can’t have your attention all the time and I know I can’t see you as often as I did. But would it kill you to let me know you’re alive? The only time I hear about you is when other people talk about you or when I see you on billboards. That doesn’t feel like a friendship to me.”

His fists ball at his side and his frustration surfaces. Heeseung is frustrated at everyone–himself for being unable to say ‘no’ to his new friends, you for expecting so much of him, and his company for keeping him as busy as he is. But he doesn’t know how to communicate that, not when you’re standing in front of him, looking like he’s the villain in your life when he feels like he’s not. 

“Well that’s life, Y/N,” Heeseung settles. “Sometimes we need to learn when to prioritize things over others.” 

You laugh humorlessly. “Is that the hill you’re going to die on? You’re too busy to send a simple text back or let me know that you’re, I don’t know, okay?”

“You can’t be a priority all the time.”

“I know that. I’m not asking you to drop everything for me just because I called you. I’m asking you to treat me like somebody you care about, Heeseung. Is that too much to ask?” 

The anger Heeseung feels within him feels misplaced, but your inability to hear him about makes him even angrier. It’s unfair for you to demand such things of him when he’s pursuing everything he’s ever dreamed of.

“Yes, it is too much to ask,” Heeseung bites back. “You don’t understand the gravity of what I do for a living and it’s hard to appreciate it when you’re breathing down my neck. God, when did you become such a clingy person, Y/N? The world doesn’t revolve around you and I don’t owe you shit just because you can’t handle that I’m busier than you are.” 

“You’re kidding me, right?” 

“I’m being dead serious.” Heeseung steps away from the door. “You of all people know how badly I want this and now it’s like you’re not letting me enjoy what I’ve worked for. What kind of friend does that make you?” 

The words tumble out of his mouth before he can catch them. His need to be the victim in an uncertain period of his life causes him to misdirect his frustration with adapting to his new life and the proof is written all over your face. 

“Y/N, I didn’t mean–”

“Don’t,” you say sharply. “Just don’t.”

Frozen, Heeseung watches you open his door with such force that it nearly slams into him. He’s quick on his feet to follow you downstairs where he sees his family looking perplexed when you’ve opened the front door without saying goodbye. 

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it!” Heesueng yells when you’ve crossed the threshold of his household. “Please come back inside.”

“You made it very clear that I have no place in your new life. Congratulations, I hope you’re happy.” 

You walk away while the deep feelings of disappointment and uncertainty settles in Heeseung’s chest. He walks back inside and closes the door behind him to see Minjun and his parents in a deep stupor, trying to make sense of the scene that has just unfolded before them. 

“What happened?” Mrs. Lee asks. 

“Y/N and I…” his voice cracks. “I don’t think we’re friends anymore.” 

The room is silent, save for the ticking of the wall clock. 

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Minjun says without a smile. 

Heeseung wants to tell her that she’s wrong and whatever conversation they must’ve heard was a product of two friends having their first serious argument. Heeseung’s own frustrations towards his new life is something he doesn’t talk about often because he’s worked so hard to become the person he is, and it would be ungrateful to complain about what he has yearned for his entire life. It bottled up so much that hearing you accuse him of being a poor friend caused him to unravel and say things he doesn’t mean. 

Mrs. Lee beats him to speaking.

“Don’t say that, Minjun.” 

The young girl remains quiet and refuses to meet Heeseung’s eye.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

In the few years that follow, you resist rolling your eyes when you see Heeseung’s face in magazine ads and billboards across the city. Life takes you to university where you spend the next four years deciding on the rest of your life before you settle on something everybody said you’d be good at. 

Graduation approaches far sooner than you’d like and it becomes bittersweet when you see the Lee family, sans Heeseung, in the stadium next to your mom, who are all equally shedding tears as your name is called. Heeseung being absent feels hollow, like another reminder that people choose to leave your life without a moment’s notice but for the sake of keeping up appearances, you smile at the camera when you accept your diploma. 

It’s not a surprise to you when you find yourself working in entertainment like Kim Namjoon said you could all those years ago. 

A job is a job, but he was right when he told you this would be something you’d excel at. Day in and day out, your responsibilities differ as you begin working at Hybe, formerly Big Hit, to manage the profiles and public appearances of idols and other public figures alike. 

Heeseung doesn’t hear from you much. His parents update him on your coursework and send him photos of you at graduation. He cries every so often when he feels the urge to call you and tell you about his day, but doesn’t know whether he has the right to do that anymore. The years in his position has taught him what true life balance is, especially with the media and paparazzi taking an interest in his personal life. 

It feels so exhausting to have nobody you can depend on. These days, it’s just him and the three boys he met at the beginning of his career. Heeseung’s popularity has grown so much that he can’t tell up from down. It drowns him in a way he never anticipated and the politics of fame and the industry wasn’t something he accounted for when he began dreaming about a career in the performance space. 

Perhaps it’s why he spends his days feeling listless, like he’s got no real potential after achieving his dream. He knows his managers worry for his health and that the other trainees in the building can sense something has been off for a while. Maybe it’s why he roams the halls with headphones on to drown out the noise that’s become his everyday life, with talks of meetings and promotions and everything Heeseung wishes to get away from, if for only one day.

When Heeseung bumps into somebody on his way out of the company elevator, his first instinct is to lean down to collect the papers that have fallen haphazardly on the floor. He pushes his headphones until they rest around his neck and stands to hand them back to the person he bumped into. Only, he feels his body freeze when he sees who it is. 

Like Heeseung has always believed, if you really love someone, they will always come back to you. 

“Y/N?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ 

potential part two ft. the rest of enha … this was a therapy piece lol

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ 

taglist: @enha-stars @karinasbaby @baevsxii @lillotus17 @syzavxy @mrmld @nikilvrfvr @luvyev @notevenheretbh1 @wvnkoi @seungiesgf @kgneptun @judeduartewannabe @iheartjayke @wonsbubble @ilyjxdz @foggysfrog @oddracha @haechansbbg @tobiosbbyghorl @ryunjin0 @sharksandminhos @jungwoneez @alex-is-sleeping @minjaexvz @woninluv @engeneeee-168 @friendlyuser57 @moony-mari @trdhgg @sleepyhoon @sunghoonsgfreal @i02hoonz @riksaes @021894s @zeeloveshee @jwnghyuns @vhuteryh @cloudiesblog @awsome209 @fleurixzs @xiaoderrrr @marshwatz @aeripark0703 @bambangan @papichulomacy .

apologies to all tumblr wouldn't tag. :)

[henrycangelbaby]

In which: “It's not that the amount of love I had changed, but I feel so proud about it now, like that I want to shout from the rooftops and tell everyone of my loved ones how much I love my wife, MY wife, ya know?”

Or

An interview gives unique insight into Pedro Pascal and his vast amount of love for his wife

I make my way through meeting the cast of HBO's unexpected hit “The Last Of Us” rather easily.

Bella Ramsey lives in a far nicer apartment in London than anything I would have been able to afford at the same age. Despite their fame and talent, they remain settled and down to earth, dressed in an outfit a little too cool for me to understand and eager to show me around their lovely apartment that is decorated in a way that I quite liked but I'm sure my baby boomer father would find offensive. I even end up meeting Ramsey's girlfriend, a fellow actor (who I admittedly had never heard of) who is equally as young and pretty as Ramsey is. They are both lovely and down to earth, a sentiment I don't often find relatable working with celebrities.

Kaitlin Denver is in her late 20s and still looks like she could be in high school. She lives in a shared house with her sister, whom she also shares a music career with. Despite the controversy surrounding her character in the show, she seems to remain completely unfazed by the backlash and threats that surround Abby Anderson. Denver merley shrugs when I ask her how she deals with it, leaving me to assume her vices when it comes to dealing with unprecedented hate.

I meet other stars of the show too. Gabriel Luna has all the southern charm of Tommy Miller and more, making me question whether he really does any acting when playing the sweeter, younger Texan brother. Isabela Merced is very beautiful in person and is also far shorter than I had imagined. What she lacks in height she makes up for in personality and charm.

Of course, when you think of the stars of The Last Of Us, there is probably someone else that comes to mind. Securing an interview with Pedro Pascal is probably one of the harder things I have had to do in recent years. It's not that Pacal is hard to come by; in fact, in recent years we haven't been able to escape him. I originally doubted that I would even be able to secure an interview with the internet's "daddy." Pascal has had a busy few years, and this one is no different. With multiple projects coming out this year, including the new season of The Last Of Us and his highly anticipated entry into the MCU as the iconic Richard Reed, it seems that everyone wants a piece of him. While all the other actors on this list do have notable careers outside of the show, the point of this interview series was to be able to interview the main cast members of the show in anticipation for the new season; however, I found that same sentiment hard to carry across when interviewing Pascal. I don't want to spoil the show for anyone, but I will just say that he won't be back next season. Whether that's due to internal conflicts or simply being too booked, we’ll never know.

I was rather ecstatic to receive a phone call from someone on his team letting me know the time and date for our interview. Like normal, I'm given an NDA to sign before receiving any personal information, such as his address (which I did require for the purpose of the interview). But everything else seems to go off without a hitch. 

I was admittedly nervous to meet him. In the best way possible, his reputation definitely proceeds him. Pascal is only ever described as kind, loving, funny, and any other positive synonyms for a massive sweetheart that you can think of. I personally have been a big fan of his work since he played forever thirsted over narcos agent Javier Paner. I know they say you shouldn't meet your idols (and trust me, I've had my fair share of heartbreaking realizations that someone I once admired is actually a piece of shit), but I had high hopes for meeting Pedro. And I am happy to report that it did not disappoint. 

I arrived at his home in Los Angeles ten minutes earlier than I should have. Not that I'm kept waiting, as before I can get a second knock in on the door, a young woman flings it open, smiling at me tightly. She quickly lets me in, introducing herself as Pascal's assistant, offering me tea or coffee, and ushering me to sit down on the comfy-looking couch while I wait for her boss to arrive (which she insists should not be too long). I take a moment to look around the room while I'm waiting. The room is sweet and welcoming, much like the rest of the home, which feels very well... homely (like stepping into your best friend's house and chatting with their parents at the dinner table). It's a hard feeling to describe, such a sense of nostalgia from a place that I had never been in before. It feels fitting though that a man so beloved as Pedro Pascal should have a home that feels so nice. I snoop to get a closer look at the photos that hang up on the walls and sit on cabinets. Most of them seem normal. There are a few faces I recognize within the photos; Oscar Iscac can be spotted alongside a younger-looking Pascal in one of the photos on the wall. I spot John Favro amongst a few people in a photo that looks to have been taken on the set of The Mandelorian, but apart from that, the photos seem normal. They depict family and friends in various places over various years; it appears that Pascal cherishes his relationships with loved ones above all else. 

I'm stopped in my snooping by another face in one of the photos, a face I recognize instantly, a face that has been all over the internet and tabloids for some time now. Pedro's wife. The photo is the first one in which she features prominently, sitting alongside what I can only assume to be one of her husband's sisters. It's a sweet photo, one that I can imagine Pedro was on the other side of, grinning wildly while taking. Y/N Pascal is an elusive figure that the media and her husband's fans have been trying to know better for a few years now. She is what is best described as a "normie," that is to say that she is just like you and me; that is perhaps what makes her so interesting to fans. She doesn't appear to have any ties to the industry; she isn't some big-wig producer's daughter; in fact, despite their insistence, fans have been unable to find anything on her. She has no public social media accounts, no company profiles online, and no one she went to high school with has come forward with a tik tok horror story (yet!). The couple are shrouded in mystery; no one seems to know how they met, where Y/N is from, or even the highly shrouded question of her age. She certainly appears younger than Pascal by a good few years, and I'm sure that I could find thousands of posts online speculating (or being downright nasty) about how young she is. But out of respect for the happy couple, I leave it a mystery. 

The sharp heels of the sensible shoes that Pascal's assistant is wearing suddenly come back into earshot. She warns me to be ready with my stuff as “they” will be home soon. I don't think twice about her words before hauling ass back to the couch and trying to pull myself together. It's not long before I hear the front door open. Amy (Pascal's assistant that I had only just remembered the name of) runs to the door. I walk slower behind awkwardly, not wanting to intrude (despite the fact that I had spent the last ten minutes snooping around what was essentially a stranger's house). I peek round the corner to be greeted with Pascal's broad back. He is facing away from me, talking to his assistant lowly. His assistant finishes speaking and moves past me, wishing me luck in passing. Pascal doesn't turn around to greet me yet; in fact, he drops down onto one knee to reveal to my utmost shock his wife. Neither of them pay me any mind as he begins untying her shoes for her, ever the gentleman everyone believes he is. 

It's not a second later that the man of the hour turns around to greet me. He smiles widely at me, and I find myself blushing slightly at his unwavering eye contact as he introduces himself. He only introduces himself by his first name, not something I find often when meeting famous people; they are often eager to give me the name that everyone knows and loves them by. It seems a bit of a strange phenomenon in Hollywood that has missed Pascal. His wife then steps forward to introduce herself. I hate to be the bearer of bad news to the millions of jealous fans, but Y/N Pascal is strikingly beautiful; even as I meet her in her own home with no makeup, she glows ethereally with a striking smile that looks like it belongs on the cover of a magazine. In that moment meeting her I quickly see why Pascal holds her in such admiration.

Much to my disappointment, that is the first and last time I see her during the interview. Pedro ushers her away somewhere out of sight with a protective arm around her shoulder. I can hear him mutter to her lowly, promising to be quick. Before kissing her goodbye with an "I love you." It makes my heart ache with a longing. Much like the rest of the internet, I wish I had a man like Pedro Pascal. We chat for a while, while exploring his house, he speaks passionately about his career, which he clearly loves. He has a flame behind his eyes as he speaks about his long-winded love for the cinema. He tells me stories of his famous friends that are featured on his walls. We laugh together, and he very much reminds me of an old friend. Even though I should be interviewing him, I let him talk, rambling on about things that I didn't find important enough to put in this interview, but they certainly put a smile on my face. 

The house is beautiful; it's decorated nicely and feels authentic and homely. It's not massive, not overly obnoxious in the way many celebrity houses are; it's still big, the kind of size that screams loving family. I don't mean to make assumptions, but it almost feels like it's been brought with the idea of a growing family in mind. I complement the house easily. Pedro smiles at me. For the first time in the interview, he refers to his wife. He tells me that he hadn't cared where they lived; “anywhere is home when you are with someone that you love,” but insists that she had loved the house the moment they first saw it. "She has better taste than me,” he tells me with a loving glint in his eye. "She did a good job.” I compliment, he nods and smiles, "always thought I was biased 'cause I’m married to her, but glad to know it's not just me." I feel awfully privileged to get an insight into Pedro's fondness of his wife. It's not often that he speaks about her publicly; she gets mentioned in passing during interviews and is often spotted at events with him, safely away from the cameras, but it's clear to the general public that his marriage is a part of his life that he wishes to keep away from public scrutiny. 

Its towards the end of the interview that I do ask him about his marriage. We walk past a wedding photo that depicts him and his lovely bride squashed together on one seat, smiling widely at the camera. He doesn't say anything when he notices me peering at the photo. I ask him carefully if he thinks being a married man has changed him. He ponders for a second. "Probably,” he answers me carefully. It's not the response I had expected from him, so I quickly encourage him to go on. "I suppose it has in a way,” he continues. “It's not that the amount of love I had changed, but I feel so proud about it now, like that I want to shout from the rooftops and tell everyone of my loved ones how much I love my wife, MY wife, ya know?” I smile and nod at his explanation. I understand what he is saying—such a sweet sentiment that it makes my heart warm. 

We don't speak for much longer after that; he briefly mentions a few upcoming projects, which he seems excited for. I ask him what he has planned next, after his next few big projects are done. He hesitates for a second. “Truthfully,” he says, “I plan on taking a step away for a bit.” I ask if he wants to settle down more. “Yeah, that's part of it; I mean, I’m not getting any younger.” He tells me, “Things are changing soon, and I just want to be settled with my family.” He finishes. I wonder for a moment what he is referring to when he mentions these soon changes; I don't ponder on it too long; much like a crazed fan, I have a few theories floating around in my head. 

We wrap up the interview from there; he is as polite and gracious as he has been the entire time, shaking my hand and thanking me for my time. I try to thank him for the interview and for letting me into his house, but he simply shakes his head at me, insisting it was his pleasure. He disappears soon after that, saying he has something to attend to (and speed walking in the direction that his wife disappeared to). I'm left to see myself out; I don’t snoop too much after I’m left alone. I make my way back to the front of the house, peering around as I go. I peek inside one room that appears to be in the middle of some kind of renovation or do-over. There are multiple pieces of yet-to-be put together furniture on the ground as the walls look to be in the middle of being painted a pastel purple color. 

I’m about to leave when something catches my eye—on the table by the front door, which has various bits and bobs scattered over it, but none of these catch my eye. I step closer to get a clearer view of what appears to be a small black and white photo. I quickly realize what it is: tucked beneath the wallet I had seen Pedro place down before our interview began is an ultrasound. I smile knowingly as my theory is proven correct; the Pascal family is about to be adding another member. 

Congratulations to Pedro as his wife on the upcoming addition to their family.

[dumbkiri]

𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝟐

Highly requested and I am so sorry it took forever to get this out. I'm still a bit unhappy with this work and I need to get back into the Batboys and their behaviors lol

For now enjoy this part two of Blood Siblings

"You need to strike with more force, [Name]. I haven't seen you this bored since Damian left," Her instructor, Ali, looked at her with his dark brown eyes. His arms fell down at his sides and he set the bottom of his staff down. “Is there anything you-”

“I saw my brother when I left for that short period of time,” [Name] said with her head held down in shame. Her eyes had shown conflict swirling around in the light of the early sun. Her mind was elsewhere and not in her morning training. Her hands wrapped up in white tape screamed at her to use them to fight. 

Her hands knew nothing besides fighting and killing.

Not even the feeling of someone holding it with care and security. 

“And I saw my father. Zhao was going to kill them, but I put a stop to it.” 

She looked up at her instructor and he had his mouth wide open. Then he walked up to her at a brisk pace and set his hands on her shoulder, he whispered, “Does your mother know about this? If she finds out—“ 

“I can handle her punishment, Ali, so there’s no need to worry.” [Name] said looking up at Ali to reassure him. Talia wasn’t the greatest mother, she rarely showed any affection toward her. But she did have her moments. “Damian looked at me in disgust as if I was the one who did something bad. I killed our enemy and saved them by being overrun. So why?” 

Ali moved back and set his hands on his hips in thought. He put his hand under his chin and said, “It’s because he doesn’t have that drive to kill anymore. We don’t have to fight our enemies over and over again because we put an end to their lives. Damian fights in a different way, one that doesn’t really benefit him.” 

“But killing is wrong to him and…” [Name] looked at Ali and whispered to him, “My father said that I was welcomed. That I could be there with him, with my brother.”The hopeful look in her eyes shattered upon seeing her instructor’s face.  

Ali’s eyes grew big and wide as saucers. He shook his head in denial and replied to her ridiculous statement, “You can’t do that, [Name]. Your mother will hunt you down and punish you. Talia will not forgive you for running away, she already gave up on one of her children. She won’t give up on you.” 

[Name] knew Ali was right, maybe that’s why she had this terrible feeling in her gut. She could never be free. She felt like a lioness trapped in a cage pacing back and forth memorizing the perimeter. “I know that, Ali.”

“You know what?” A curt voice cut through their conversation.

[Name] and Ali turned their attention to Talia who stood at the entrance of the training area. The daughter sighed and showed her bandaged hands to her mother, “Ali was reminding me that I should strike with more force. But I don’t know how hard I’m hitting when I can’t feel the pain.”

“Obviously not hard enough if your instructor is telling you,” Talia put her hands on her hips leaning on her right leg. Her eyes were dead set on [Name] and the younger female felt suspicious of her mother. Ali noticed the tension and he brought out some tape taking [Name]’s shaky hands in his. “[Name] let me rewrap your hands. It seems the ones you are wearing are too bloody.” 

[Name] pulled her hand back and said, “I’m fine, Ali. Let’s continue with-”

“No.” Talia said sternly. The older female walked down the stairs with a dark look across her face. Ali immediately took a step back feeling the wrath from Talia come off in waves. [Name] felt it too, but she stood her ground. She wasn’t going to back down from her mother. She would go through torture to keep her pride. Not that the beating did anything to her when she couldn’t feel pain. 

[Name] didn’t dare speak first to her mother and waited for the woman to speak her mind. To ask her questions.

“I know you killed Zhao, many of the assassins that accompanied you two mentioned how you were the one who brought him down.”

“I had a perfect reason to stop him, “ [Name] stated looking at her mother with determined eyes. 

“And what was that reason?” Talia asked with gritted teeth. Her anger showed and it was as if she wasn’t trying to hide it. 

[Name] swallowed the lump in her throat, “Zhao was planning to kill Damian. I stopped him from committing that treason. I won’t allow scum like Zhao to end my brother.” The bracelet she wore around her ankle while training reminded her of her bond with her brother. Despite not helping her a lot himself, she would do anything for Damian. Anything for approval because she knew life with the League wasn’t worth it. 

Obviously Damian thought the same because he never returned. 

Talia raised her hand and back handed the girl with a scowl on her face. “Zhao was ordered to kill Damian, you stupid girl. He had to do it to show his loyalty to you and you killed the man who was going to be your husband.” 

[Name] spit some blood on the cement floor and glared back at her mother. Talia wiped her hand and the scowl on her face never disappeared. “That look,” Talia muttered, “that’s how your father and brother stare at me.”

[Name] straightened out her back and said, “I understand why they do. You’re a monster.” 

Talia laughed and replied back, “My daughter, you will receive that same look from them when you show them your true colors.”

Then everything happened so fast. Ali yelled out her name and [Name] saw many assassins attack Ali with incredible speed coming out of their hiding spots. [Name] took a giant leap toward her mentor, but she was tackled by two other assassins. Quickly, one had sedated her, stabbing her arm with the needle of the syringe. 

She watched as Ali defended himself from his once comrades. 

Talia stepped over to [Name]’s slumped body and said, “I will break your spirit and you’ll become a ghost again. You brought this pain and suffering onto yourself.” 

[Name] could hear Ali’s grunts of pain and suffering. The kicks and punches the assassins delivered. They were merciless. They were demons. Ali’s blood was…everywhere. On his clothing, his body, on their fists and shoes, on the cement floor. She could only watch as she was pinned down. [Name] stopped struggling seeing the life leave Ali’s eyes and his body fell to the floor with a thump. Her heart raced from the disgusting sight. 

Her mentor, the only one who cared for her in this godforsaken place, had died right in front of her. She was woken from her sad state when Talia struck her face with her shoe. Blood leaving her nose and a bruise formed on her cheek. “Don’t worry, darling,” Talia crouched down in front of her and [Name] stared at her with a heated look, “Ali is in a better place now. But you, your punishment starts here and you’re working for me.” 

……

“You are going to pose as a captive of Joker.”

[Name] sat strapped onto a wooden chair. Bruises decorated her body in various places, but that didn’t bother her. The thing that irritated her was the mucky environment and the stench of dead bodies at her feet. 

“We need him to lure out your father and your brother.”

She looked around the living room she was stuck in for 4 days and began counting the seconds in her head, never stopping. It was how she kept track of the time, how much longer that psychotic man and his even crazier girlfriend would walk in with a bottle of water for her. 

“This…man…you will not lay a hand on him. You will need to keep him in front of you and bring your father into the light. Make him vulnerable and when the moment is right, kill him.”

[Name] heard the creak of the door first before it slammed open revealing the green haired man and his crooked smile. He held a bottle of water in his right hand and he dragged a mallet in his left. She knew that the mallet belonged to his woman; Harley Quinn. 

She waited for him to smack that thing across her face like he did to the dead ones at her feet. But Joker had something else in mind as the mallet glided across the wood floor. He set it up against the wall and chuckled, sitting down right next to it. 

“It’s been two days, little killer,” Joker taunted, holding the water bottle in the air, “two days since you’ve drank your last sip of water and four days since you’ve eaten.”

[Name] knew that, but kept her mouth closed. She hated talking in general, most of all this guy wasn’t someone she wanted to talk to. Her eyes flitted across the room and to the wall opposite of Joker. Another body, most recent, was a woman wearing a pale pink pencil skirt and a white button up shirt. Her heels were on the floor that were kicked off in her struggle to keep the largest of thugs Joker owned off her. 

But she wasn’t much of a warrior. She was an innocent woman that worked for the wrong man, Bruce Wayne. [Name] remembers her screams and the sound she made when the thug slammed her body on the wooden table that matched the small decorations of the chair she was strapped to. 

She remembered the sound of her skull being crushed by Harley Quinn’s evil swing of the malicious mallet. They all laughed when the table broke from the force and the smashed brains scattered in that area. 

The flashbacks of it all came to a stop when thunder rolled and lightning flashed lighting the small apartment up more. “You’re just like him, you know?” Joker said as he put his hand underneath his chin and his elbow rested on his knee. He scrutinized her. 

[Name] just hummed in response and Joker jumped up excitedly. He pointed the water bottle in her direction with a maniacal laugh, “There! Right there, little killer! That hum you made as a response to my statement sent shivers down my spine. That look you give when you want water too! Oh my, I just want to carve you up for him!”

Just like that, Joker dropped the water bottle on the floor and strode over to her with quickened steps. He pulled out a pocket knife from his purple blazer and pointed the blade at her lips. He grabbed her neck in his gloved hand and slipped upward to her chin. [Name] didn’t move or show fear in her eyes and that made Joker all the more ecstatic. 

“Now smile for me, little killer. Show me what you got,” The purr he let out as he let his fingers glide across her flushed lips was disgusting. [Name] wanted to shove that knife into his eye so badly. “I said,” Joker used both of his thumbs to spread her lips open, showing her pearly white teeth, “to show me your smile.”

“I don’t smile,” [Name] pulled her head away from him and replied coolly and to her surprise, Joker relaxed his tense shoulders. His hands retracted to his sides and he backed up with a less than pleased expression, “He would have shown a smile, I knew he would have. I know him, but you,” Joker drawled out angrily, pointing the knife at her, “I don’t know you. Not yet, at least!” He laughed into the air and he spread his arms out wide. 

“Come in, boys. I wanna see if this little killer can put on the same show he does!”

Ten thugs walked in some holding bats and wrenches in their hands as they filtered in the living room. They stood in a horizontal line behind Joker showing their ugly faces and terrible outfits. They really were crazy people in this awful city. Why would she want to live with her brother and father in this city of filth? 

“Clean up any other mess that tries to dirty you, my girl.”

Then a switch went off, [Name] moved on autopilot. She removed the rope around her torso the day the loonies tied her up there and it felt good when it slid off her body. Joker smiled and began to bow in front of her, “I present to you…the little killer of the desert.”

……

“This is!” Damian slammed his fist on the wall and glared angrily at the Bat Computer. He was enraged seeing the sight on the big screen. A picture of his twin sister tied up to a chair seemingly unconscious and beaten bloody. 

Bruce was just as angry as his son, but he couldn’t let that cloud his judgment. Just what was Talia thinking? “Joker sent this to Gordon stating that he caught an assassin from the League,” Tim piped up looking at Damian who was seething in the corner. 

“What is she doing back in Gotham?” Damian asked himself, removing his fist from the wall. He stalked over to the computer and analyzed the photo closer. “I know she can get out of those ropes, maybe she escaped already. But if that’s true, she wouldn’t hesitate to kill Joker.” 

“Finally, we have someone in the family willing to kill that psychotic clown you call a human being,” Jason, donned in his Red Hood costume, crossed his arms over his chest. Everyone looked back at him and he shrugged his shoulders carelessly, “What? I’m just saying that maybe if you just kill the guy, the city can finally get back on its feet. I died because of him, so cut me some slack when your “morality” is on the line.” 

Bruce stood up and grabbed his cowl, speed walking to the Batmobile. “I want everyone searching for her right now.” Damian followed Bruce, right on his tail and said, “Do you think she came back to live with us?”

Bruce jumped into the Batmobile and Damian did the same. Then Bruce pulled out of the Batcave with Jason and Tim trailing behind on their motorcycles. They were driving anywhere and everywhere for clues on where she could be. The rain slapped the earth with a rageful night of fighting. And Damian had to think, question why his sister came back if not for the first reason he gave out. 

“Your mother wouldn’t have let her go that easily, Damian.” Batman replied after a while of thinking.

“I know that, but I got out. [Name] can do the same and I think she only got caught by Joker to get us out,” Damian speculated with his eyes looking at the streets his father sped by. 

Bruce hummed and opened his mouth to say something, but a man wearing a clown mask jumped in front of the Batmobile with his gun raised high in surrender. Immediately, Bruce yanked the wheel to the left and narrowly dodged the masked man. The Batmobile spun out of control before Bruce used the boosters of the vehicle to spin it in the other direction regaining traction.

It worked and Damian looked at his father with a glare, “And you say I can’t drive.” 

……

“W-we need help,” The clown thug pressed his gun closer to his chest, not wanting Batman or his sidekicks to take the only weapon that can protect him away. “She…she’s killing everyone and she’s too fast. Everything we did…she can’t feel it! Her blood, their blood…it’s everywhere!” The thug cried out and pointed toward the alleyway that he popped out from. 

“Who are you talking about?” Batman asked, but he knew full well who the man was speaking about. [Name] was skilled, maybe even more than Damian. He heard the stories of his daughter and felt guilt for not taking her with him. She must have been on the verge of breaking and tonight Joker broke her. 

“Joker called her The Little Killer of the Desert,” The thug looked around to make sure she wasn’t around to hear him. “And she went on this rampage! We hit her with our best shots and she’s still running around killing all of us!” 

“And what about Joker?” Damian walked up after giving his brothers a heads up about their location and status. 

The thug shook his head and scoffed, “That crazy bastard laughed and for some reason, she left him alone even though he instigated her! I’m telling you, you guys won’t even stand a chance against her.”

Damian rolled his eyes and began walking into the alley filled with determination to save his sister. Their mother must have brainwashed her with a mission and keywords to have her perform a massacre on Joker’s men. 

Damian wasn’t surprised to see a factory in Joker and Harley’s style the more they walked into the area. Neon lights were everywhere as well as clown faces and diamond shapes all over the walls. Then there was a chorus of hoots and hollers from a radio, a fake audience. 

A miniature fighting pit had been made in the center of the apartment complex and right in front of the factory. Then a cry of help was heard before the man choked on a heap of his blood. A katana dug deep into his back, the tip of it connecting with his heart of black. Then it protruded out of his chest covered in blood and rain.

“Oh, come on! Is there anyone out there able to stop her! This is getting boring!” Joker’s voice shouted watching the teenage girl swiftly take her katana back. The body in front of her dropped joining with other dead ones surrounding her. 

Joker stood up from his makeshift throne and pointed over at Damian, “The Boy Wonder! What a crazy match up against my little killer! Come on in and take your best shot, be careful though she has been-” He cackled and gestured to the bodies, “killing all of her opponents!” 

Damian cursed under his breath and looked back at Batman, “I can take her on while you catch Joker na question him on why he had her in the first place.” 

Batman silently stared at Damian and mulled over his words. Then he looked over at Joker saying to the teen, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

…

Soon felt like forever especially when Damian struggled to capture his sister. “Is this what Grayson felt like when I first met him?” Damian grunted out when [Name]’s fist made contact with his nose. In his daze, [Name] jumped at him and straddled his waist. Quickly she swiped a kunai from her vest and aimed it at his heart. 

“Snap out of it!” Damian shouted, his hands holding back her own which held tightly onto her kunai. The tip of it touched the tip of his padded armor and he felt her weight pushing forward to drive it into him. She said nothing the entire time she fought him and she still said nothing trying to end his life. 

“This isn’t you!” Damian grunted out, holding her back as much as he could. “I am your brother! You are my sister! Wake up, [Name]!”

She didn’t relent. His words weren’t reaching her. Their mother, their cruel mother must have spent weeks breaking her mind in order for her to forget about him. He yelled out as he forced the kunai away from his chest where his heart lay. His eyes blinked away the rain that fell on his face and her face drowned out in the background. 

Instead his eyes focused on the bracelet he tied around his wrist today. The little charm on it with the button inside gave him some sort of hope. Maybe this could wake her up from this nightmare. Making quick work, Damian let the kunai dig into his right palm and he cried out while pressing the button on the bracelet. 

His blood dripped onto his face as the sound of a small beeping came from her ankle. It beeps continuously and he looked up at her this time, seeing his distraught sister. Not the killer their mother made her to be. The noise, this certain beep, has been her saving grace for a while now. 

“Brother, did you know?” She asked quietly, afraid that somewhere their mother was watching them from afar. She pressed the dagger closer to his chest, keeping up this charade. When Damian subtly shook his head in disagreement, she went on to explain, “Mother brainwashed me with certain words and methods. I killed so many people under the guise of Little Killer of the Desert and I woke up in their blood with their bodies surrounding me. So Ali used the beeps of this charm to snap me out of it. It took trial and error because it had to be activated by you in order for it to ring.” 

[Name] snatched her hands away from Damian’s grasp and with a flash of lightning above their heads, he felt the sharp blade at his neck. “The bracelet went missing for a year, do you remember that? Ali stole it one night and we began training my mind to listen for it. I was sent with Zhao to kill you. But you pressed this charm and snapped me out of my mission. And here I am, on the same mission.”

She backed up and pushed herself off of Damian’s body. She couldn’t look him in the eyes, not when she failed again. “One of us has to die in order for the other to live, Damian,” She dropped her kunai onto the floor and cried, her tears mixing with the rain. She can’t kill her brother, he has a life to live and it’s a fulfilling one. While she…she’s always been a ghost, no one on this planet knows she lives. 

Damian has a family, he has friends and he has enemies that know of him. 

Now [Name] has her brother, only Damian knows how she laughs or how she used to pull pranks on him when they were younger. He knows that she likes to read books, to dive into different worlds that aren't always just about fighting. Damian knows she likes to dream, to dream of a life where she’s in control. 

“It’s me or you, brother,” She swallowed thickly and brought her eyes up to him, “Do you understand?” 

“I understand.” He solemnly whispers and with another flash of lightning, she attacked him. In his defense, Damian picked up the kunai off the floor and raised it up. His instinct had been faster than what his father taught him. The kunai she slipped from her hip didn’t even make it to his heart. But his did with a nasty squelch. 

He refused to move, but she pressed it further into her chest and smiled softly. The relief, it was such a relief to feel the weight of all the ones she killed off her shoulders and back. Blood leaked from the corner of her lips as she said, “Better you than her.” [Name] looked up from his teary eyes and at the woman standing about ten feet away from them. She rather die in her brother’s arms than the woman who claimed to be their mother. 

“Live long, Damian.” [Name] gazed down at his trembling hand that caused her death. Yes, her death would haunt him forever. But he understood what she meant. He had to be the one to end her life. She held his hand tightly in hers and she slumped forward in his sitting position. Her head hit his shoulder and he sat paralyzed in his spot. 

His beating heart pounded louder than the rain hitting the cement. He struggled to breathe because he felt the breath leaving her lungs. He felt her tight grip weakening and her heart slowing down. “No, wait,” Damian pleaded and shoved her backwards, her eyes already closed, “no, this wasn’t- Why! Why would you make me do that!” He shouted in anguish. 

Then the clicking of calculated steps from behind him got louder. Talia was here to collect his sister’s body, probably to drop her in the pit. He couldn’t let that happen. [Name] belonged with him, finally put to rest and to move on. 

Before Talia could reach any closer to her children, a clang of metal pierced the air. A batarang stuck out from the cement, warning Talia not to step any closer to the twins. 

“Back away from them,” A deep voice warned with anger laced in his threatening tone. 

Damian looked up from [Name]’s fatal wound and saw his father emerge from the shadows with a beaten Joker and Harley Quinn. Both criminals were knocked out and captured, his bloody knuckles holding tight onto their leashes. 

“I’m taking her back, she belongs with me” Talia said with a click of her tongue.

Batman dropped the criminals onto the floor and walked with an aura of darkness shrouding him. He stepped right in front of a crouching Damian who held tightly onto [Name]’s dead body. 

“She’s going home with us and having a proper burial. She deserves it,” Batman said.

“You don’t know what the girl deserves!” Talia lashed out, her nails digging into her palms. 

“She’s not your daughter, Talia!” He snapped back. 

“You ruined that the moment she died and you resurrected her in the pit. You forced her into becoming a killing machine, making her forget who she truly was. A girl who loved playing tricks on her brother, a girl who read books to escape her reality and a girl who dreamed of a life that belonged to her. You stripped away my right to being her father and supporting her like I did for her brother. She’s going home where she belongs.”

Talia faltered and looked down at her children. Damian was still in a stump, never moved away from the feuding parents. “How much did he tell you about her?” 

“Everything,” Bruce said with a stern voice, “I wanted to know what my daughter was like. If she had any hobbies or interests besides what you made her do. I wanted to know her just in case she came back with us, just in case she wanted my help getting away from you. I may not have been the greatest father or the best at times, but hearing about you and what you did to [Name]...” 

Bruce wanted to ask how Talia could mistreat [Name] like that. But one look at Damian and he knew he needed to get his son home before he completely broke. 

“She’s an assassin to you, but she’ll be a daughter to me most and foremost.” Bruce declared and Talia scoffed at his words before turning on her heel. If Talia had the League with her, maybe she stood a chance against Batman, but she didn’t. 

With Talia gone, Bruce knelt down in front of his grieving son and placed a hand onto his shoulder to ground him. 

“Damian,” Bruce called out gently, “it’s time to go home.” 

Damian looked down at [Name] and pressed his face into the crook of her neck and let out a wail of sadness. Those words should have been for [Name] too. It was always what she wanted to hear. Instead she lived a life as a ghost. Her name will be remembered only by him and their father. 

He didn't understand why this had to end like this. So why did he tell her he understood?

[animeyanderelover]

Anon: Yandere Johnathan, Dio, Joseph, Caesar, Wammu, Jotaro, Josuke, Giorno and Jolyne Headcannons with a Female Tanjiro Reader? She’s kind, compassionate and fights to protect, save others and find a cure for her sister to turn her back into a human (She’s also a very hard working individual).

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional behavior, clinginess, overprotective behavior, stalking, paranoia, manipulation, blackmail, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, isolation, abduction, death

To fit this theme better into the JoJo verse, darling’s sister is a vampire instead of a demon.

Tags: @simplydlightfuldestiny @flaming-vulpix

Darling is like Tanjiro

Jonathan Joestar

💍Given your brave and kind personality, it is no wonder that Jonathan falls head over heels for you. Both of you fight side by side as his adopted brother Dio starts plotting his evil schemes with the new powers given to him by the stone mask. Your sister was one of the many victims that was turned by him yet somehow she retained her control and her heart as Dio didn't take over her mind. Despite Zeppeli's caution and advice that he should free your sister of her suffering, Jonathan is moved to tears as he witnesses the determination and love you have for your younger sister, solely led by his emotions as he offers to help you. After all your sister is very tame despite having been turned into a monster by Dio and hides during the day in a box you crafted for her. Both of you are trained together by Zeppeli in Hamon and join forces in order to put a stop to Dio's craving for power and to find a cure to turn your sister back into a normal human again.

💍​One would think that Jonathan should know best about your talents as he has trained together with you yet he falls fast and he falls fast, leaving him with the constant taste of fear and worry lingering on his mind and in his heart. Whenever a battle ensues, he always tries to shield you and to protect you out of fear that you might get hurt. Whenever he loses sight of you, his heart drops as paranoia quickly takes hold of him. He suffers the loss of his father and eventually the loss of Zeppeli and all of it only enforces his growing obsession as even his teacher ultimately dies, proving in his mind that even with all of your strength you can still fall during this battle. As someone who was raised to be nothing but a gentleman, it is his desire to cherish and to protect you yet he seems to overlook that his noble gestures to protect you are received as an insult from your side as you think that he is underestimating your strength. Whenever you confront him about it though, he shies away from the conflict, hating the thought of arguing with his sweetheart.

💍​Instead whenever conflict arises between you two, he tries to appease you in whatever way he can. At this point it is painfully obvious how he feels for you and Jonathan isn't even trying to hide it from you. He wants to treat you well and he does exactly that. In his mind fate must have brought you too together as both of you met, struck with tragedy inflicted upon the two of you by Dio. Sometimes his obsessive thoughts plague him and the shame comes crushing down on his heart yet more often he is prone to those delusional phases where he thinks of your meeting as destiny. The young Joestar heir has already plans to ask you for your hand in marriage as soon as both of you have won against Dio. He initially plans to ask you after peace has returned but depending on how paranoid and desperate he gets, he might even ask you beforehand if you'd do him the honor of letting him be your husband. He promises that he will worship you and do everything in his power to protect you and your sister.

Joseph Joestar

🦾​Joseph, Caesar and you form a trio when the Pillar Men appear as you have your own motivation for fighting them. During the expedition that Speedwagon took due to the rumored existence of other Stone Masks your sister, who was part of the team that accompanied him, was transformed into a vampire and you reunite with her during your first encounter with Stroheim who kept her alongside with Speedwagon captive. You are quite different from Joseph who relies on his wits and runs away when he realises that his situation looks helpless whilst you always stand your ground to save even those who do not deserve it even if you are only inches away from death. Multiple times he has sworn to not help you if you were to get in another such tense situation yet he has never had the heart to abandon you, leaving him no choice but to return and trick his way somehow out of the danger. Joseph always wants to scold you after every stunt you pull yet you always thank him with such a sincere look on your face that he doesn't have the heart to do so.

🦾​You are sometimes really too good for your own good as well as his own good yet despite the differences between you two, Joseph finds himself growing very attached to you and he knows that. Although he tries to hide his growing feelings, to people like Caesar it is quite obvious that he has caught feelings for you. Whenever there is a fight, he seems much more willing to fight and show off somehow but only when you are watching. Not to mention that he has gotten more hostile towards Caesar as he knows that that man has to flirt with every young woman within his vicinity, including you. He comes up with the most random bullshit to annoy you two only to interfere as soon as he notices that Caesar tries to flirt with you or simply just makes soma gagging sounds to distract you from him. Caesar might as well see it as a challenge as he openly admits to Joseph that he doesn't think that he would make a good partner for you. From that day on Joseph comes up with the most ridiculous things to keep you occupied with him.

🦾​Whilst it may appear like a bit of a cheap method, the fact that Speedwagon is looking out for your sister whilst you are helping to hunt down the Pillar Men in search of a cure is something Joseph uses to his advantage. After all he is quite close with Speedwagon so he likes to brag about it if he gets the chance. Throughout the entire time you three spend together, he starts slowly resenting your determination to help others though. He wouldn't call himself inherently a bad guy but he is also not someone who would willingly risk his life for some random stranger. You are the complete opposite as you always want to save everyone, something that sometimes isn't possible. He doesn't want you to lay down your life for random people, as noble as some people may think that is. In his mind it is simply stupid so during fights he starts actively dragging you away when he realises that the threat is too much to handle. He wants to live and he wants you to live as well. It is as simple as that. You want to see your sister being turned back to a human again, right? You won't witness that if you're dead.

Caesar A. Zeppeli

🫧​Lisa Lisa sends you as reinforcement during the earliest confrontation with the Pillar Men and whilst Joseph is initially gawking at you and wonders what you plan to add to the team, Caesar quickly shuts him up and apologises to you. Joseph truly has no manners when it comes to treating a pretty lady, plus he has utmost trust in his teacher so he has confidence in you. From the very beginning Caesar always favors you and treats you very well, although it is to be expected. As you join in the fights though and he gets to see just how much kindess and compassion you hold in your soul, his feelings deepen more and more. He truly admires your willpower and your determination to help people in need even if those people have threatened you before. Joseph, shrewd despite his sometimes stupid decisions, obviously notices the feelings of his rivals and starts teasing him about it. He goes too far when he tells you that Caesar catches feelings easily for women, something that almost ends in a fight between those two if it wouldn't have been for you stopping them.

🫧​His disdain for Joseph grows after that. How dare he even suggest to you that his feelings aren't sincere? Caesar urges you to not believe anything Joseph has told you as he swears to you that his feelings are sincere. When you three return to the island owed by Lisa Lisa, Caesar finds out about your sister that his teacher has kept safe during your absence. Initially he is very alerted as he doesn't trust your sister. She could pose a threat and harm you after all, even if she is also a lady. He knows that you would never let him harm her though as even Lisa Lisa assures him that she is different from the rest. After his wariness fades away, he can't help but wonder why you have never told him about her existence though. Do you not trust him? He immediately seeks you out to ask you about what has happened in your past and presses on even as you hesitate for a moment. When you eventually decide to tell him your tragic past, his heart starts bleeding for you. You poor thing have gone through so much...

🫧​After he has been entrusted with your path, he only starts feeling more protective about you. You are a woman too pure for everything you had to endure and it is your outstanding kindness that has him growing slowly more paranoid. He has seen terrible people in his life, people who would abuse your compassion and earnest desire to save others. He could never forgive someone if someone would stomp on your kindness and he could never forgive himself if he were to let anything happen to you. Caesar starts sticking close to you from that moment on, always paranoid when he isn't near you and can protect you. Obviously you address his smothering overprotective antics but you only get a lovesick smile in return and a kiss on your knuckles as he murmurs that he could never allow anything to harm you. In his eyes you deserve the world and nothing less after all the pain you had to go through and he intends to give the world to you. He is truly in love with you and in his eyes it is normal to protect the lady he plans to make his wife and spend his life with.

Wammu

🌪️​You are there together with Joseph and Caesar when the Pillar Men awaken and even if Wammu is far above you when it comes to strength, you refuse to back down. Even if you stand no chance against him, you stand time and time up again and he can tell that you put your all into this battle. There is a drive behind your eyes, a determination that keeps you going even if you shouldn't be able to stand anymore. It is that fire in your eyes that has his heart skipping a few beats as he proudly proclaims you as someone truly brave and worthy and even expresses gratitude that he was able to meet someone like you as soon as he has awakened. He almost doesn't want to kill you and Joseph, who has caught wind of Wammu's fascination with you, uses that partially to convince Wammu to let him and the others live for now so that they can return stronger. Wammu takes the bait, especially because he is eager to see how much stronger you will be the next time he sees you. You have the potential and willpower after all.

🌪️​His thoughts always seem to be around you as he eagerly and almost impatiently waits for the time to come and Kars and Esidisi sense his troubled feelings. Kars just bluntly advises him to take you if he desires you but Wammu refuses to use such underhanded methods as he prides himself as a strong and honorable warrior. So he chooses to challenge you when you find your way to him again to save Caesar as the young man impulsively storms into their hideout. As soon as you see how heavily wounded Caesar is, you are instantly willing to sacrifice yourself to save him and that is when Wammu offers you a deal. If you duel him and win, he will not only let Caesar go but also give you the antidote in his lip ring, something Joseph needs if he wants to survive. If you lose, he is free to do what he wants with you. You take the offer without a doubt and put a magnificent battle, even if he ultimately bests you. Even as you are bleeding heavily, you refuse to give up though and out of respect he not only lets Caesar live but gives him the antidote but takes you with him as you still lost and you accept it without throwing a tantrum.

🌪️​He caters instantly to your wounds as soon as he has taken you with a gentleness you didn't expect from a Pillar Man. After he has bandaged all of your wounds he decides to ask you what it is that motivates you so greatly and why you were so determined to find his kind. Initially you look at him silently and just as he is about to assure you that you don't have to tell him, you decide to open up. You confess to him that your sister was turned into a vampire due to a Stone Mask and that you had heard that his kind had invented them and so you had hoped to find a cure for her. Hearing your motivation truly only manifests you as a noble and honorable human as a warm feeling of pride spreads in his chest. It is in that moment that he decides that he desires to have you as his partner, though he is aware that you two stay on different sides of this current battle. Yet he sincerely wishes to help you so he makes another suggestion. He will help you to heal your sister but in return he asks of you to stay by his side as his lover in the future and remain loyal to him and he promises in return to cherish and love you until the end of time.

Kujo Jotaro

🚬​You join the crusaders during their long and difficult travels to reach Egypt and DIO somewhere along the way. Your first encounter with them almost ends in a big fight when your sister escapes during the night and crosses paths with Jotaro who initially mistakes her as another minion of DIO. You arrive just in time and throw yourself in front of her, fully prepared to take all of Star Platinum's punches to protect your little sibling only for his Stand to stop in the last second. When the rest of the group arrives, you find yourself able to explain the situation you are in and since you have the same goal as everyone, you decide to join them with your own respective Stand. Jotaro clarifies to you from the very beginning though that if your sister should ever turn attack them and let her instincts get the better of her, he will have to get rid of her. You manage to hold his stern gaze though and reassure him that it won't happen as your sister is different from the others.

🚬​As all of you continue their journey, Jotaro learns to value you as a member of the team. You are strong and even your sister joins the fights when there is no sunlight around. Although he will openly admit that your very idealistic goals to protect everyone are at times quite exhausting and both of you have gotten into a few fights already. Jotaro has less problems sacrificing a few people if it can't be helped and reprimands you for your silly daydreams that you will always be able to save everyone only for you to get mad at him and call him heartless in return. What you don't seem to realise is that Jotaro's harshness and rude words are born out of a growing worry he feels for you the longer you are part of the Crusaders. He won't grieve random people he couldn't save in time but you are no random stranger to him. You are someone he has learnt to value and respect and he won't just watch as you throw yourself in danger over and over again to save someone who doesn't deserve it as you even express kindness to their opponents, though only after they have been beaten.

🚬​The tension only grows the closer you get to your destination and the more you are put through. Jotaro's obsession at this point has already gotten to the point of no return and he knows that yet he hides it, clueless on how to even act on those feelings. Although they do slip out in the very unpleasant shape of growing oppression and control he starts to keep on you. He has had enough with your antics by now to the point where he even tries to remove you from the scene to prevent you from trying to play hero again. Star Platinum, his Stand, has started acting on Jotaro's obsession as well and shows the feelings the man is trying to suppress much more openly. If you are within vicinity, it will suddenly grab you and pull you instinctively closer to it, much to Jotaro's slight embarrassment as he doesn't plan to tell you of his feelings. You won't be involved in theit final battle, he already knows that you would end up sacrificing yourself for someone else. Don't worry though, he will keep his promise and find a cure for your sister. He isn't as heartless as you claim him to be after all.

DIO

🕰️​He feels like he is seeing a ghost of someone in you he has despised so much to the point where he feels the need to eradicate even the ancestors of said person. That's right. There is a resemblance of Jonathan DIO sees in you and whether it is his own petty hatred or a dormant fear he holds against the only man who ever beat him, he perceives you as a threat. He wants you gone and all of his minions are begging him to let them take care of you yet you have caught his attention to the point where he wishes to take care of you himself. Yet one of his pawns would not listen to him and assaults you themselves nevertheless only to be beaten by you and your sister. DIO couldn't care less about their death but it is the report that a vampire fought by your side that catches his attention. He's the only one who creates vampires. How is it then that someone who should obey him is fighting side by side with you? It seems like he can't just simply kill you after all. Instead he orders his pawns to gather information about you and the vampire fighting by your side.

🕰️​It doesn't take long for his minions to find what he wants to know as they are more than eager to please him however they can. Apparently your sister was turned into a vampire by one of his pawns he can't even remember and you are searching for him to demand for a cure to turn your sister back into a human. That's his chance. DIO can barely suppress the diabolical grin on his face as he realises that he could probably break you by tormenting you by using your sister against you. If he can gain control over her and order her to attack you, he is sure that he can break you down. As soon as you reach his hideout, his minions ambush you and even though you put up a brave fight, ultimately you are captured. His presence frightens you, he can tell as much by the way your heart hammers inside your chest yet you refuse to let any of your fear show as you stare him right into his eyes as he gloats about your loss, already suggesting with an evil gron on his face what he plans to do now that he has you and your sister.

🕰️​Yet you are so stubborn and headstrong and so is your sister as he is unable to gain control of her nor can he break you. He has always taken what he has wanted yet strangely enough he doesn't find himself displeased. Instead he revels in your unwavering determination and your immunity to fall for his charm, something that has brought countless men and women to their knees. After all the harder something is to obtain, the sweeter the taste of victory will be. He finds himself desiring to break you and then to possess you and to achieve that, he commits truly horrible deeds all to trigger your mental breakdown. He may force himself sexually on your sister whilst forcing you to watch or the other way around, will blackmail and threaten you to expose your sister to the sunlight and so many other things that should tear you apart yet even through your greatest sorrow and grief, that spark in your eyes never disappears. It frightens him a bit, confuses him to why you don't give up. Why do you persist? Wouldn't it be easier for you to just drown in your misery? You really are special, aren't you?

Higashikata Josuke

💎​Josuke is hotheaded and enjoying his life and his youth. He is quite passionate about showing his feelings which is why he has no real way to cover up his growing infatuation with you as he quickly descends down the stairs of obsession. Above all it is your kind and compassionate attitude that has won him over and he greatly admires you for the strong and forgiving person that you are. You even complimented his hair when you met for the first timw which only added fuel to the inferno. Due to his openess to express his feelings though, Josuke has no lid on his emotions which means that he has no real way to control him. He isn't even attempting to control them in the first place and this has led him to be quite volatile depending on how he feels. Whether he is euphoric or enraged, he will act on those emotions. His infatuation has made him quite clingy which is why he often follows you around and always desires to be with you as his mood is otherwise quite grumpy which means that he is quite easily angered.

💎​Okuyasu calls him one night and informs him that he has seen a strange person sneaking inside your house as he just happened to pass by and instantly Josuke is alarmed. He ignores his mother's confused questions as he rushes to your house in the middle of the night and pounds against the door, his heart hammering against his chest in fear. When you don't answer, he instantly assumes the worst and Crazy Diamond quicly destroys your door only to instantly repair it. He looks fully prepared to murder the strange woman he finds in your house but you arrive just in time to stop him and his stand from attacking her. With no ther choice left but to tell him the truth, you tell him that the person is your sister and your tragic backstory about how she was turned into a vampire and how you are desperately searching for a cure. A part of Josuke reacts quite intrigued because whilst he knows about the existence of stands, he has never known about the existence of vampires, although he also expresses his concern about your safety.

💎​When he realises how much you wish to turn your sister back into a human, his heart instantly melts and he promises to help you however he can. It is his duty as your boyfriend to make his girlfriend happy after all. You do not quite know what he is talking about, although you obviously have noticed the obvious crush he has on you. What you don't know as of now is that Josuke has gone genuinely delusional with his love for you to the point where he already thinks that both of you share the same love for each other. Even if the situation isn't pleasant for you, he sees this as his chance to shine and to make you love him even more than you already do in his mind. He starts speculating pretty soon that perhaps his own Stand Crazy Diamond could be the solution to all of your problems and the idea that he can be your hero excites him as he rambles to you about his idea. He truly feels like you two were meant to meet because what are the chances that he would have the perfect solution to turn your sister back into a normal human.

Giorno Giovanna

🐞​You have joined the Mafia a while ago yet you have quickly risen through the ranks. You are earnest and hardworking and hate to let people down, always set on fulfilling the missions you are entrusted with. On the other hand it is also that the Don favors you that you have gained so much in such a short time and his feelings for you only seem to get stronger the longer he gets to know you. You are the kindest soul he has ever met as you do not tolerate the abuse of power by others and refuse to follow orders if they go against your own set of morales. You have gone even as far as to sometimes suggest to Giorno himself that he could do something to better the way of the Mafia and if you would have been anyone else, he wouldn't have tolerated it with a genuine smile and a promise to consider your advice. Giorno isn't oblivious to his feelings and he isn't surprised either that he fell for you as hard as you did. Your kindness and compassion resemble the rays of sunshine and he knows that he wants that warmth for himself.

🐞​You have never really elaborated on your private life even if he questioned you gently about it. You may be able to fool others but not Giorno who has dedicated so much time to observe you and memorise your every reaction and emotion you have shown around him. You are hiding something from him, something that burdens you. You deserve better than that and whilst he recognises that you probably don't wish to worry him as you probably assume that he is already busy enough with his duties as the Don, you don't seem to understand that he sees his duties in catering to your needs and every worry just as much. With connections throughout the entire country, very soon he finds out sacred information you never wanted him to know. He soothes you as soon as you figure out what he has done as you feel like he has broken your trust as he gently holds your trembling hands and promises you in a gentle tone that he only wishes to help you. He already knows everything but won't you tell him yourself?

🐞​He promises you to protect your sister and keep her identity hidden just as much as he promises you to find a cure for her. Even if he knows that he has partially broken your faith in him by invading your personal life and finding out something you don't want anything to know, he would lie if he would claim that he feels guilty. Instead he feels like he understands you even better now than he understood you before as he now knows more about your personal motives for joining Passione. Not only that but he is not above realising how much control he would hold over you by using your biggest weakness in form of your sister against you. It is quite a cheap move and he knows that yet he will do what he must do to protect you and to keep you for himself. He cares too much to lose you after all. He is genuine when he swears to you that he really plans to find a cure for your sister. You should be prepared though that he will demand something in return from you for his assistance and it'll most likely be the first step to make you his forever.

Cujoh Jolyne

🪢​Jolyne and you meet in Green Dolphin Street as both of you were labeled as criminals. She has been betrayed by her ex who decided to blame the accident and the death of the car accident on her and you have been locked away because you have a history of breaking into rich and important people's houses, although you have never stolen something. Unfortunately you were caught and had been unfortunate enough to get caught by an especially unpleasant couple who made sure to lock you away for good. Both of you recognise that neither one of you is a bad person though and you hit it off quite well with each other. Her tough personality she likes to put on is something you learn to live with as you can kind of guess that she does this to hide her own vulnerability. You talk about all sorts of things as you spend your time together in jail as you treat her with kindness and respect. Something that makes her heart very flustered, although she doesn't want to admit it.

🪢​Jolyne has never been exposed to much kindness in her life as her own father has largely neglected her during her youth and so she is like a dry sponge who eagerly absorbs any kindness and compassion you give her. It is no wonder that you have her wrapped around your finger as quick as you do as she grows increasingly possessive and clingy. She is selfish about any kind word and any minute you can give her as she is very prone to jealousy as soon as you give your attention and sweetness to someone else but she doesn't care about such things, if she even recognises the wrongness of her feelings to begin with. she is just desperate for all of your attention and affection and doesn't shy away from beating someone up with her stand Stone Free to get rid of any unpleasant pesk who tries to get between you and her. You also join her when she plans to break out and she doesn't even have to beg you as you quickly agree. She is dear to you after all. A statement that turns her harsh facade to mush.

🪢​It is only a while later though that you confess to her that you have another reason for breaking out. You have a little sister who was turned into a vampire and you have been searching for clues how to cure her, hence why you broke into people's houses who you suspected to have something useful. Jolyne has rather mixed emotions when you tell her. On the one hand she does feel sorry for you and can understand your desire to help your sister. All of that doesn't compare to her jealousy though and even some part of her can admit that this is quite petty from her. It's your own sister after all, someone who would pose no threat as a possible rival. Jolyne's obsession goes beyond the simple jealousy of romantic rivals though. She strives to be the most important woman and person in your life and desires to have all of your attention and love for herself so your sister is still perceived as a rival as she wonders who you would choose if you had to do so. For now she has you for herself though and she tries to push the gnawing jealousy out of her mind, although she grows much more touchy as you work on breaking out of prison.

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

Daddy Issues

Natasha X Reader

Inspired by the song Daddy Issues by the Neighbourhood.

Warnings: Physical Abuse, Trauma, Difficult Childhood, Hurt/comfort, Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Panic Attacks.

Please consider these Warnings before reading. This is a Mature Rated Fic.

Y/n was the newest member of the avengers team and Natasha was very intrigued by the young woman. She was always on guard and had a mask similar to the spy to not let their true emotions show. Curious as to why, Natasha watched the woman with caution, her instinct to not trust and find out the truth had gotten the better of her. But the truth would affect her more then she realised.

Daddy stuck around but he wasn't present Cheated on your mom but she never left him

The Avengers were sat around the kitchen ready for breakfast when Clint said, “God this tastes exactly what my old man used to make,” his tone nostalgic as he remembered his father making him breakfast. The team laughed and started to talk about their own childhoods due to prompt from the archer. You tensed slightly at the topic but made sure your walls stayed high as you didn’t need anyone knowing. However you failed to notice a certain redhead saw how you started to just push your food around on your plate and remained quiet. Not wanting to be there anymore, you made a reasonable excuse to leave and smiled at everyone before leaving raising no suspicions from anyone else.

First I didn't get it, now I understand

“What’s that now? Like 10-0?” the spy teased as she had once again pinned you to the training mats. You huffed out in annoyance as you hated training with Natasha as it always ended in teasing and you on the floor is positions way too familiar, except you knew she would never purposely hurt you. Not like he did.

“What’s that from?” She questioned while seeing the large scar on your stomach as your loose t-shirt had ridden up while being thrown on the floor.

“Just a silly accident as a child.” You quickly brushed the subject aside while pulling the ends of the black fabric down to cover it. Natasha saw the ways your eyes flickered with fear and conflict before your mask once again came back up.

“Oh ok,” she said, acting convinced for you to believe her, “Want to go again? Maybe you’ll land a hit this time.” Her tone mocking in a playful way but it only brought you another painful memory.

You heard shouting coming from downstairs before a little knock at your door. Your younger brother peaked his head around the door, his eyes full of fear.

“Y/n?” his voice barely above a whisper as he came into the room searching for his older sister.

“Hey I’m right here,” you softly spoke to him, attempting to calm him down as you could see how scared he was. “Why don’t you spend the night in my room?” you asked while pulling him in for a gentle embrace. You felt a little nod against your chest and pulled him into your bed. “You stay right there for me ok? You’re safe in here, he won’t get you. I won’t let him.” You pulled back to see tears threatening to fall but he nodded once again before you went to leave the room.

“Y/n please don’t go. He’ll hurt you again,” he pleaded as you reached for the door handle.

“It’s ok Y/b/n. I need to help mommy,” you turned to look at him curled in your duvet, “I’ll be fine.”

When you reached downstairs all you could smell was alcohol as you saw him. Your father was screaming at your mother as her hand rubbed over the red handprint across her face.

“Get the fuck away from her,” you spat as you ran over to your mother and pushed the man out of your way.

“You want to say that again you little bitch,” he growled as he shoved you away from your mother.

“I said get the fuck away from her!” you shouted, the rage that was bottled up inside you was now spilling out.

“I’d like to see you try and land a hit on me you pathetic little bitch,” he snarled while taking a swig of the bottle of alcohol in his hand before advancing towards your sobbing mother again. With all your strength you pushed him over before he could swing the bottle at your mother. You didn’t register anything till you saw the panic in your mothers eyes and the sinister look on his face before feeling a sudden pain along your stomach and your shirt becoming wet and sticky.

“Y/n?” questioned the spy as you had zoned out after her question.

“Huh,” you looked at her before replying, “Oh. Uh no thanks, I’ve had enough for today.” You smiled at her while rubbing the back of your neck, your nails digging into the skin there to punish yourself you being so vulnerable. “I’m going to go now Nat. Thanks for training,” you smiled at her before leaving her alone in the gym.

He broke her heart, left money in her hand So everything got paid for

“So Y/n, what’s your favourite childhood memory?” asked Tony as the whole team were enjoying a nice night in, sharing stories to provide entertainment.

“There’s so many how could I choose?” you lied while laughing with the others, trying your best to avoid the subject.

“Come on,” Tony said with a hint of stubbornness in his tone, “There’s got to be one that’s your favourite?”

“Yeah come on Y/n,” spoke a few other Avengers

“Ok, ok,” you raised your hands in defeat as you thought carefully, trying to find a happy memory. “It was my little brothers birthday and my mother and father gave us money to go to the local fair with,” you started trying to talk about your father in a way that didn’t seem like he ruined your life when that’s all he did, “He wanted to go on every single ride with me and practically dragged me around the place,” you laughed at the memory of seeing his face, his smile bright enough to light up a room. “But we went on this one ride that was too much for him and he swore to me he would never go on a ride ever again,” you chuckled at remembering his pale face as if he had just done the scariest thing in the world.

“Hey you ok?” you asked as he stumbled off the ride, a little smile on his face.

“Yeah I’m fine,” he gasped out while walking with you to exit the ride, “ I am never going on another ride ever again,” he exclaimed while looking at you. You raised your eyebrow at his suggestion before he quickly said, “Hey I’m being serious! That was terrifying!” you laughed at his seriousness before giving him a side hug and looking for your parents. After scanning the crowd you saw your father talking to another woman, his hands on her waist and a flirtatious look in his eyes. You looked past him to see your mother stood alone smoking, looking as if she was about to cry on the spot. You suggested to your brother that you could go find a game to play to avoid him seeing your parents.

A hand on your leg snapped you back to your thoughts. Natasha saw how after a moment or two of remembering the event your smile seemed to falter so she tried to bring you back to reality.

“Seems like someone was enjoying the memory too much,” she joked before changing the subject to spare you. After a while you slipped out of the room and no one seemed to notice. Well except for a certain redhead.

A few weeks later you found yourself at one of Starks after parties along with your team mates who had all seemed to had a bit to drink from the earlier main party. You were the only one there who hadn’t drunk anything alcoholic as you refused to drink anything like that. You zoned out while everyone started to talk as this wasn’t one of the things you liked to do. You started to pay attention to what was happening when you heard two male voices starting to get louder. You gripped the arm of the sofa you were sat in while your leg started to bounce slightly in anxiety. When Tony and Steve had started to properly argue and shout at each other you felt your thoughts spiralling out of control. Flashes how he would shout at you mother filled your brain, how he would beat her for wanting the best for their children, no her children, he had lost the title of being your father the first time he hit your mother. Other painful memories invaded your brain such as how he would hit you, pin you to the ground and do unimaginable things to a child and laugh as he saw your brother and mother shy away in fear. Your breath started to quicken and your hands started to tremble so you decided you needed to leave the room as quick as possible.

Suddenly you stood up and left the room as everyone was preoccupied with stopping the super soldier and billionaire from fighting. You managed to get to the roof of the compound, the place where you would go if anything became too much such as now, before your legs gave way and you collapsed against the wall. You let your body take control as you couldn’t keep the emotions in anymore. Your whole body violently shook as you sobbed into your hands.

All you could see was him. His face. His hands as he held you down. The screams of your mother. Your screams. The silhouette of your younger brother watching. The smell of alcohol. The feeling of pain. The feeling of when he would-

“Y/n…” Natasha’s tone was laced with fear as she saw you against the wall. After seeing you leave when the boys had started to fight she seemed to piece together an idea of what had happened to you and went to check on you. You didn’t look up when you heard her you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. What would she think of you now? A weak girl troubled by her past? A pathetic excuse of a person? A waste of space? She stepped towards you to try and comfort you but you flinched away at the sound of her footsteps.

“Please,” you sobbed out, ”Please leave me alone,” you begged, “Please don’t hurt me,” you croaked out before glancing at her feet to see where she was.

And when you told me the whole story I felt like throwing up

“Y/n,” she softly whispered, “Its me Nat. I’m not going to hurt you I promise.” You looked up slowly to see the spy through your tear filled eyes.

“Nat?” your voice shakily asked.

“Yeah it’s me. Can I come closer to your?” She watched as you tensed up before nodding at her request, your eyes meeting hers.

I can see it on your face it was rough Left a bad taste on your tongue

She slowly walked towards you and crouched next to you so you could see where she was without raising your head too much. “Hey its ok Y/n,” she cooed causing you to relax, “I’ve got you now. Your safe.” She repeated the phrase again and again till your sobs turned to whimpers and your body wasn’t shaking as much. “Can I touch you?” she whispered scared if she spoke too loud you would feel scared again. You weakly nodded and she gently cupped your face with her hands and wiped away the tears on your face.

And she didn't even take any drugs She would rain all day Couldn't wait for her sun to shine

You looked into her green eyes expecting to see disappointment or even disgust but all you saw was love and care. You hesitantly reached forward with your hands, wanting to hold her close and find comfort in someone but you stopped. You didn’t want to cross any boundaries with her as you thought it was bad enough that she was seeing you like this. Picking up on what you wanted, she carefully moved her hands around your shoulders and pulled you into her lap. She held you close and tightly as you started to cry into her neck. You murmured apologies against her skin until she told you it wasn’t your fault. You stayed quiet after that and just held onto her. She didn’t realise how much you needed her but she was happy to stay with you through it all.

And you made it shine There when she cried, you saved her life

[yiiyiiwrites]

🏹 | The Hunt |

Eris Vanserra x shifter/spring court reader(Tamlin’s cousin). [Acotar masterlist]

Summary: unable to turn down Beron’s invitation and the equinox hunt, you have to mind where you tread in the autumn court. The scheming Vanserra brothers and the hunt where you could so easily become the hunted if you were to shift. (like Tamlin and the rest of his bloodline, you can shift into an animal). 3920 words

Brothers oldest to youngest: Eris, Theadon, Marcellus, Theron, Sandros †, Deimos † and Lucien. (Not edited).

The autumn equinox used to be one of your favourite celebrations as a child, but as you grew up, it became woven with politics. It had been a week since the fireworks, smoke still hung in the air, curling around the low branches of trees and around your ankles as your leather boots sunk into the mud.

The high lord, Beron had extended an invitation for the hunt. A tradition for nobles and every other sucker who tried to sweeten the Vanserra’s and their court. You however, were not so lucky. Forced to join the men and buff away any conflict before it got worse.

With the past fifty so years under the mountain and the aftermath of Aramantha’s reign, this would be the first of many hunts going forward now that the courts were finding a bit of normalcy.

“You cannot be serious,” you snarled, crossing your arms over your chest and balling your fists out of sight under your elbows.

The thick bodice and riding jacket drew a quick breath from you as you fought to exhale a deep sigh. It had been decades since your last hunt in autumn, your hips a little wider and your breasts fuller. You’d binded your stomach and chest, trying to fit into the traditional garments Beron had gifted you when you were much younger.

Theadon Vanserra’s golden eyes flitted to your chest, smirk tugging his thin lips. “Never complained before,” he said, shoving his hands in a pair of soft brown leather gloves. The second son of autumn, a few years younger than Eris.

He huffed, blowing the curl of ginger hair back out of his eyes. His beauty well crafted as if an artist had took centuries to carve the sharp lines of his straight pointed nose and high cheek bones out of marble. You couldn’t help but let your gaze wander whenever you found yourself in his company. Theadon lapping it up, flirting back with you and trying to inch over the boundaries you’d set with him.

“Can always ride with me, pet.”

The chestnut horse behind you nudged you between your shoulder blades with its muzzle and you stumbled forwards, whirling around and jabbing a pointed finger to the next Vanserra brother.

“You know you’re much more likeable when you don’t speak, Marcellus,” you snapped at the third Vanserra brother. The fiery red hair duller, blonder than the rest of his siblings.

Marcellus didn’t pay you much mind, snorting at your half ass reply and pulling the reigns beside him. The horses long glossy tail flicking you in the face as it circled back to the front of line with his father.

Theadon was a tease and you frequently played into it, using his advances to gain the attention of one particular Vanserra. Marcellus though all talk, nasty venomous tongue, but never did anything to physically harm you.

The seven brothers seemed to be dropping like flies, the middle one leaping from his saddle and blocking your path to Theadon and his sandy stead.

“How about you shift and we’ll chase you, pet.” Theron, named after the hunter of autumn and the meanest of the pack. “So get your ass on that horse and don’t complain again.” He shoved you aside, hand grasping the back of your neck as he guided you back to Theadon.

Theron Vanserra, middle child that went to extremes to gain a scrap of attention from his father. You were yet to see a kind side to him, even when you grew up in their court and ran around with them as kids.

Ever since his twins Sandros mysterious death, Theron made it his mission to make your visits as short as possible. You’d happily let him run you out of autumn if wasn’t for the eldest Vanserra keeping you there.

“Brother, she’s a lady not a pup,” Theadon chuckled, his forced laugh cut short as Theron shoved you towards the horse. He placed his gloved hands on your hips and lifted you over the horse, your fingers wrapping around the reigns trying to pull yourself up. You don’t need to summon any strength though as Theadon pushed against the back of your thighs to help you swing a leg over onto the saddle. Your boot brushed the steads sandy coat, a line of dirt left in its wake.

You don’t bother snapping at him, Theadon a lesser evil when it came to the brothers of the hunt. Eris hadn’t participated in years since he’d become General and took on more responsibilities.

“Mutt maybe,” Theron mumbled, scratching the stubble on his jaw. The leather hunting gear he wore, scratched and worn as if it were his way of showing off his skills and power.

You wished you knew the person responsible for his crooked nose, only to thank them for breaking it.

Theadon grabbed your wrist before you could even curl your fingers and swipe a punch, your arm pinned by your side as you glared down at it. You’d been too consumed with rage that you hadn’t noticed him climb on the saddle behind you, his warmth pressing against your back.

“Comfortable?” Theadon murmured, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. He wasn’t asking though, just trying to distract you from tumbling down and going for his younger brother. Not that he’d let go of you.

He shifted sinking closer to you, back of your head knocking his firm chest. His knuckles swiped the braid down your back and he draped it over your shoulder, giving it a little tug. You couldn’t relax though with Theron snapping at you, every bone in your body rigid and your spine upright ready to defend or attack.

Theron’s face was always twisted with disgust whenever his gaze caught you, like he’d been chewing on a wasp. You still couldn’t believe that Theron and Marcellus had married noble fae. He took one more glance at you and spat on the ground, hoisting the bow and arrow back over his shoulder as he walked to his horse. A grumble echoing away with him.

Fae females were not allowed to ride alone during the hunting parties, an escort always needed. Which is why you found yourself like every other solstice hunt with Theadon whispering in your ear, one hand on your stomach to keep you from sliding away and his other on the reigns as the horse galloped through the rough terrain.

The rising sun broke through the tight knitted trees, sending golden rays over the red rolling hills of autumn in the distance. You squinted, hoping the light would blind the hunters and allow the animals to escape before they met the sharp tip of an arrow or canines of the dogs scrambling near the pounding hooves.

“Must be cold when you hop in and out spring and summer, much like my brother’s beds.” Theadon doesn’t bother keeping his voice low, deep sigh fanning the crown of your head.

“Not your bed though,” you said, wincing as his fingers dug into your stomach. You thanked the gods that you’d chosen thickest bodice, bronze embroidery adding more armour to protect. His warning enough for you to stop before you said too much.

Theadon hummed, pulling the reigns tighter in his other hand and rested it on your thigh. “I do wonder…” he mused, “does Eris know how easy it is for you to lay with another.”

Rumours had followed you ever since you were dumped in the autumn court. A fae of spring raised to act as a bridge between the two courts and smooth out any grievances. And with that task came a lot of talk. How you’d worked your way through the brothers and chased the youngest back to spring. You’d never revealed the truth, the only one that mattered was him and he knew you.

A chorus of howls tore through the forest, horses stomping to a halt as if they all stopped to listen to your reply.

The men ahead were searching beyond, a lone hound escaping the undergrowth of a thorny hedge with a brown fox between its teeth.

You looked away, but Theadon grabbed your chin and forced you to watch the snapping of its neck.

“Is that what you look like as a pretty little fox?” He asked, hand trailing down the column of your throat. “I remember you shifting as a child, just a pup.”

Hunting was the one thing you hated, autumns plea of killing all the runts of their animals. The odd brown foxes that were deemed unworthy compared to the fiery orange coated ones they trained as messengers. The one form you’d taken on, but you were able to blend into whatever court you were in. A fluffy white coat for winter, orange for autumn and silver for spring.

You’d only shifted once in autumn and vowed never to again. Theron and Sandros had chased you through the forest, straight into a badgers home. You still had the scars from their claws on your back as you tried to dig your way out.

“Maybe I’ll shift and rip your throat out. I’m sure you’d like that,” you said leaning your head on his chest and peering up at him. The deep line between his brows softened, lips curving into a smirk.

“Mmm tempting, maybe you can shift some of these layers off later for me?” He whispered, gaze dropping from your lips to your breasts.

Smooth, too damn smooth. You couldn’t help but laugh at him, the way he easily fell back into flirting. “In your dreams Vanserra,” you said, scanning the forest and soon regretting it as your gaze found Theron’s.

The smile dropped from your face as his horse trotted back to the line near you. There was an overall darkness to the middle brother, cherry red locks cut short so it never got in his way. Eyes of bronze that darkened as soon as they narrowed at you. Brawn and brain, even if he played into the brawn more. Everything he did calculated, you couldn’t help but think he’d been plotting your downfall ever since you first stepped into autumn as a child.

“The things you do in my dreams,” Theadon whispered, but before he could divulge all the dirty details a force barrelled into his horse.

The hold around your waist fell away, your body slamming to ground. Pounding of hooves shook the roots beneath the earth and you curled into yourself hoping you wouldn’t get trampled on. Voices boomed in the distance, hounds barking and teeth snapping, but you couldn’t peel your hands away from your face.

Muffled sounds filtered through the shield you’d created around you, your foxes senses picking up the crack of broken twigs at your back. You inhaled, trembling breath trying to push back, there was no way you’d shift. Not in autumn.

Something hard hit your elbow and you lowered your arm, peeking over at Theron. You just wanted to burrow into the ground and be rid of the bastard. He nudged you again, thick mud staining your dress as his boot met your knee.

“Up you get, pet,” he said through gritted teeth, “follow me or don’t follow me, I don’t care. Just keep up.” He didn’t spare another glance at you, his figure halfway up the sloping path by the time you’d stood.

The early morning fog long gone, your surroundings crisp and clear of anyone but him. Even the wind did not carry the yells of the hunting party or the sounds of their movements. The forest too quiet for your liking.

You trudged after Theron, glaring at his back.

“Watch where you’re going,” he called over his shoulder as he side stepped a foxes hole. A hare dove into the bushes at his booming voice, browning leaves showering the earth in its wake.

A whip of wind pushed you forwards, your legs like jelly as you tried to keep your balance. The heel of your boot on the edge of a large hole of a fallen trees ripped roots.

You trailed after Theron, climbing atop the fallen tree and walking across the stream. The trunk slick with moss, slippery beneath you that you didn’t bother lifting your feet but sliding them along. You clutched your skirt, balling it up in your fist as you thought out the best path that didn’t lead to the icy water below.

“Maybe if you watched where you were going earlier, we wouldn’t be trekking through the sodding woods,” you snapped, jumping down to the other side of the stream.

Of course Theadon would hang back and look after the horse, he’d be guaranteed another stead to get back to the castle on. You on the other hand were being led gods knows where into the golden forest of autumn with someone who wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.

The hunter, bully. Just like his father, you dread the day if Theron ever became high lord. He didn’t bother acknowledging your words or your presence, his fists clenched by his side as he zigzagged the makeshift path. Horses hooves leading him back the way you’d come that morning.

You scrambled up the muddy terrain, nails scraping against the branch you used as leverage to hoist yourself over. The mist of rain weighing down your riding jacket, another shackle to keep you down in the court.

The howling wind tore through your hair, the woven braid over your shoulder coming undone. Stray strands sticking to your neck and shielding your sight.

You felt the snap before you saw it, iron teeth sinking into the flesh of your ankle. The tears rolling down your cheeks burnt, voice hoarse as you screamed once again.

"I told you to watch where you're going," Theron snarled, crouching down beside you and taking the curved side of the iron trap in each hand.

“Get it over with,” you snarled, regretting the rise of your voice as you moved in anger and felt the searing pain shoot up your leg.

Theron paused, fingers slipping from the trap. “Why don’t you shift? Sure you’ll be able to get out of that one yourself. It will make for good entertainment at least,” he said, his knuckles brushing against your jawline.

Against your better judgement, you spat in his face. Your saliva rolling down his freckled cheek, he froze. His nostrils flaring, body trembling with what you could assume as a blinding rage. He lifted a curled fist and drew his arm back, flames spreading across his knuckles.

You clamped your eyes shut, felt the heat crashing forwards, but nothing came. A chorus of whimpers in your left ear made you dare to peak in front of you.

Three hounds, one by your side sitting patiently for you to greet them. Another sniffing the edge of the iron trap. The last growling at Theron, hair raised on its back as it forced him to walk back.

“Like calls to like,” Theron spat.

You didn’t know if it was the loss of blood or the eldest Vanserra, but as he appeared through the trees your head become heavy. Heartbeat drumming against your chest.

“Mother’s looking for you,” Eris said, head nodding to the pathway behind him.

Walking painstakingly slow, you tracked his smooth movements as he made his way to you. Eris dropped to his knees, lightly pushing the hounds nose away from the trap. He rubbed his jaw, amber eyes flitting from your ankle to your face.

“Do you ever do as you’re told,” he said, prying the iron teeth apart. The lock clicked back into place and his hand cupped the back of your calf as he moved it away from the trap.

“Tell me what to do, I might just do it just for you.”

He shook his head and lifted you into his arms. Warmth spread as you laid your head on his shoulder and draped your arms around his neck. His hounds scouted off ahead, running as quick as shadows that you couldn’t keep up with them.

You slid your palm from the back of his neck and rested it on his chest. His heart beating too slow and repetitive compared to your erratic one. You’d blame it on the wound if he dared to bring it up.

“Where are you taking me, General?” You asked as the trees gave way to golden hills in the distance, a few wooden huts dotted the perimeter.

“The barracks, so keep your mouth shut,” Eris whispered, lips pursed and head held high as he walked through the checkpoint.

Suits of bronze and red parted for Eris, heads lowering in respect and they did not rise till his back faced them. You watched his unit scurry around, your chin propped on top of his shoulder. Foxes weaved through the soldiers boots, bound letters attached to their back.

You’d never been to the outer edge of the generals quarter. Ladies stayed within the centre of the court and were normally accompanied by a chaperone if outside. You however, knew the secret passageways in the castle and ancient crumbling pathways that were rarely used.

Eris’s grip tightened on you, his gaze flitting to the two guards stationed either side of the largest wooden cabin you’d ever seen in autumn. They parted, gloved hands pulling the oak doors open so that the General could enter. Gaze fixed ahead, Eris walked through the narrow corridor to the left.

Lanterns flickered, flames roaring to life as if the General had summoned them himself. The terracotta tiles on the floor were so clean you could see waxy shine coating it and the reflection of his flames dancing between each square.

The last door opened and closed as Eris walked in, large table dominating the room. A map covering up most of it, but it curled up as soon as your gaze wandered the red ink painting the Autumn court. Eris sat you atop a desk, inks and parchment neatly placed to one side.

You shrugged off your riding jacket and let it fall behind you, gaze following Eris whose back faced you. He pulled open some drawers, glasses clinking together in one hand and rags in another. Placing your palms on the desk, you leant back as he walked back to you, brows furrowed as he stared at your boot. He shoved a bottle of green liquid into your hand, head jerking for to drink up.

Popping the cork off you gagged at the stench, but tipped the bottle back and drank the lot. The thickness of the potion coated the back of your throat and you coughed, fist colliding with your chest as you tried to rid yourself of the burnt taste lingering. The ringing in your ears disappeared, vision clearing the haze away.

"It must be bad," he mumbled as he crouched down, fingers untying the knot from your laces. "Not even one word." A smile tugged the corner of his lips, his amber eyes flicking back to yours.

"You told me to keep my mouth shut," you said, brushing the hair out of his face and back over his shoulder. Your breaths quick and heavy, the damned corset cutting into your ribcage. Not at all anything to do with the General on his knees before you making light work of pulling the laces out of your boot.

"So you do, do as you're told."

The banter more to distract you, the iron still swimming around your blood from the trap. You wouldn't lie, it felt like your ankle had been ripped off, never mind torn apart from a hunters trap.

"Like I said, only for you," you said through gritted teeth, Eris's fingers and palm were coated red, boot discarded to one side. You tugged the bow at the centre of your corset and pulled the ribbon free, allowing yourself the room to draw a deeper breath.

Eris raised a brow, but didn't ask what you were doing, only rolled your sock down your ankle slowly leaving it halfway on your foot.

You fanned your face with your hand, a bead of sweat rolling down your chest. "God's it's so hot in here, are you hot?" The iron making you a crumbling mess in front of him.

"You know I'm hot," he said without a missing a beat, he swiped a cold paste on the wound, touch soft and precise. Always so careful when it came to you, just not with words.

"God's this barbaric court, hunting down an animal all because it's not deemed good enough. Why couldn't I get a beast like Tam? I'd happily hunt those...Do you know who broke Theron's nose?" You rambled on, word after word tumbling out before you could stop. Eris's laugh shutting you up, his broad shoulders shaking as his hands hovered a safe distance from your wound.

He leant his elbow on his thigh and his head arched to peer up at you, amber eyes flickering like the flames. "You do realise who you're complaining to?" Eris asked, his attention returning to the cloth in his hand. He wiped the blood from your ankle, wrapping a strip of gauze around the wound and tying it in place.

"I'm just," you said, pausing as he rose to stand. Your gaze trailing his chest and the thick column of his throat. "Just thinking if you're next in line..." you whispered as he leant down, forcing you to topple back, but his palm found the small of your back keeping you in place.

You couldn't blame the corset for the tremor in your breath, heat spreading the expanse of your back beneath his touch. Eris's copper hair fell from his shoulder shielding you from the light, gliding against the bare scrap of skin on your chest. His other hand slid up your thigh slow, but he did not break away from your gaze.

"I broke it," Eris said, nose nudging yours.

"Thank you," you said, you grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and you pressed your lips to his.

Eris retreated from you, hand slipping away from your back. "You want to know why?" He asked, finger hooking under you chin and making your gaze connect with his once again.

The back of his hand traced your cheek and jaw, you closed your eyes melting into his touch. you nodded, humming for him to continue.

"Because he hunted you when you shifted."

You eyes shot open. You hadn't told anyone that story, not even your parents. Eris must have heard his brothers bragging about it back then, as he'd turned up at your bedroom that night and helped you tend to the cuts on your back. He'd held your hand, let you sob in his arms as the cleaning balm set into the wounds. Never asked you asked any questions, his silent presence soothing enough.

"They try to make out that you're as delicate as a flower in spring, but you're as strong as the thorns guarding your borders. I see you," he said, framing your face in his hands. "The way you dance between courts, use those pretty words to escape much worse and how you do it all on your own."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you managed to whisper, tears threatening to spill over your lashes.

"No pretty words for me?" He asked, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

"Kiss me."

Wrote this whilst I was sick so might be some errors etc. but I always wanted to write some of the other Vanserra brothers and I originally wrote another Eris fic and this is like a spin off from that. Hope you like :)

[mrhaitch]

Hi Mr. Haitch! I was reading your wonderful wife's newest pieces, and it got me wondering, how did it feel when you first held your babies in your arms? I completely understand if it's too personal to share, I hope you have a great day!

Uniquely terrifying, in a way. I won't go into detail about the birth, but afterwards Haitch was rushed into hospital, and when we got there I was put into a side room with the baby while they did what they did to help Haitch.

I remember being in that room for a few hours, holding my first child who was only a few hours old, listening to people come and go in the ward - occasional shouts, doors slamming, hurried footsteps. I listened, certain she was going to die, and there I was holding this small precious thing I had no idea how to care for.

He slept, for most of it. Every time he woke I walked dhim around the room and spoke to him. I remember having to go to the toilet with him in my arms, which was a unique experience. Made and discarded plans for, what felt like, the likely scenario where Haitch never came back.

I lived a whole other life in that room, in my head. For several hours where no one spoke to me, no one checked in, and I was left with the very worst thoughts circling in my head - I tried to figure out how to be a single, grieving father who knew very little about babies save some scant memories of looking after my youngest brother who is fifteen years younger than me.

The conflict of love, desperate love, and utter dread are hard to explain. Something in your heart starts to calcify, you become this snarling, protective thing where anyone that comes near you and your child is a threat. All you feel is a powerful voice in your head saying "protect protect protect". It took a few weeks for it to quieten down.

In the end it was all fine. I'm still angry with the midwives for leaving me utterly out of the loop - they completely dismissed me as soon as the baby was born. Fathers can sometimes be dismissed as being utterly emotionally constipated or blank in such cases, and left out of the loop because of a presumption that you don't care or aren't interested. Thankfully the other two births were different.

Once we were reunited after the doctors finished their work, I started to feel normal again. That protective urge is still there, a curious shadow over the heart, but the main thing I remember is a building sense of rightness. Here is the missing piece to my self. Here is the thing you always wanted but never knew. Here is the thing you'd fight and bleed for to ensure they survive.

It's a very weird feeling.

[mynameismanze-blog]

Warnings: Smut, p in v, making out, blood, almost dying, cussing.

Black Sheep

After it was revealed that Ethan was the second killer, my heart sank. But not only was that revealed, but Ethan was also Richies, younger brother. I killed Richie out of self defense but they weren't having it. Apart with having 22 stab wounds all on his body.

As we kept going back and forth between the aisles of collectables, we came to a hault between one of the aisles. Ethan was front watch and Quinn was in the back. As Detective Kirsch was watching the video Richie made from God knows when, Ethan was locking eyes with me. I look in his eyes and I once in a while look over at Detective Kirsch.

"There's a very special bond between a father and his first son."

I notice Ethans shift in his demeanor. He looks sad and defeated, along with a little bit of anger? I notice it and I look into his eyes again. Ethan changes to his tough exterior and I raise a brow slightly.

"You too huh?" I ask in a low voice. Quinn and Detective Kirsch shift their gaze to me and I continue to look at Ethan for a response.

"What?" Ethan shakes his head and he smirks a little, then he replied with annoyance. "What are you on about?"

"When he said there's a special bond. Your face-" I get cut off by a cut to my arm by Ethans knife. "You don't know what you're talking about!" There it was my way out of this situation. I hold my arm trying to slow the bleeding.

"I think you do Ethan." I say with my expression hardening and I lock eyes with him. "What are you really doing this for? Validation? Aknowledgement?" Detective Kirsch steps closer and I don't leave my eyes from Ethan. My expression is serious and but my heart flutters for Ethan. You see I've always liked Ethan, I just never told him mainly because I didn't want to get rejected.

"Ethan-"

"Shut up! You're not my fucking therapist!" I inhale deeply as he's on the verge of a serious rage. I swallow and I blurt out. "Ethan this probably won't make a difference but I have to get this off my chest."

There's a moment of silence before I speak up again. "I like you ethan. I did at the beginning of the year. That probably won't make a difference right now because I'll be dead but let me tell you something I had to learn on my own. Being a people pleaser, or something you're not takes a toll on you. It makes you not recognize yourself and you do things to make other people happy. This may not be the case or maybe it is. You don't have to be something you're not with me. I know all too well because I was once you too. I thought I had to impress people just to get them to like me."

Detective Kirsch steps forward and pushes Ethan aside. Ethan almost loses his balance and stumbles a bit. Detective Kirsch grabs me by the collar and pulls me towards him.

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

I quickly headbutt Detective Kirsch and he falls to the ground. I back kick Quinn hard and my foot lands on her boobs. She falls to the ground as well. Snapping my gaze to Ethan and I quickly go over the aisle of evidence. Ethan stands there conflicted but he eventually runs after me. I quickly go up the ladder and I make it to the top. Heading through two double doors there's a staircase leading up. Quickly making my way up the stairs to the top. 

I push through the only door that was up there and looking around I'm obviously at the rooftop. Quickly thinking on my feet I run along the edge to see if there's a fire exit. When I finally found the staircase, I start to make my way down with one foot on the step. “Stop right there!” A sharp and loud voice can be heard. I turn around and it's Ethan he's still holding his knife. He quickly barricades the door with junk from around the corner.

I get off the fire exit and I jog towards him. “How long do we have?” I say breathlessly to Ethan.

“Five minutes or less. I missed you.” I quickly kiss him and insert my tongue in his mouth. I run my fingers through his hair and pull him closer to deepen the kiss. Ethans hands slide to my butt and I he reluctantly pulls away. “Baby. We have to make the scene.” I nod gently and I place my forehead on his. 

“I know, I'm just nervous.” Ethan takes one hand and places it gently on my cheek. “Don't be okay? I'll be there to get you when you wake up. We went over the plan several times.” I give a small nod and I peck his lips. Ethan reaches in his pant pocket and hands me a syringe. He hands me a bottle of fake blood and I head down the fire exit. 

I make my way to the side walk and I go in the dark alley that's next to the building. Pouring the fake blood quickly and covering my body. I pour the remaining on the ground and I take it the syringe. Quickly putting the syringe in my vein and I toss it in the dumpster. It's supposed to slow my heart rate down, enough to presume me as dead. 

Lying on the ground face forward, my heart rate slows and I close my eyes. 

Waking up it's dark. The zipper was the only thing shedding the fluorescent light. Listening to see if there was anyone nearby. When I felt like the coast was clear I dig my finger into the opening of the body bag. The ribbs of the zipper was rubbing against my finger and I quickly open it up. 

Looking around and sitting up on the table. I get out the body bag and I'm covered in blood. Slowly watching my step I take a peek out the hallway and look for any employees. There's a few but they're talking to each other. I notice a window on the other side of the room and there's a book self parallel to the window. So it's perfect it'll hide me while I sneak out. 

Peeking again to see if the employees are still in their conversation. One of them walks away and waves bye. And the other looks at the file on the counter. 

I run across quickly and I press myself against my window. Unlocking the window quickly and I slide it open. I get out quickly and I hear loud footsteps approaching me. Looking down from the window was a dumpster. It was black and it looked like nothing was in the dumpster. “Hey! What are you doing?!” I jump and don't look back, there was so much trash it was disgusting.

Ethan was waiting in his car around the corner and I walk down the sidewalk. I spot his car and I quickly approach it, I open the passenger door. “Oh my god. What happened?” I tap the dash signaling him to leave. “Let's go Ethan!” I look back as he takes off and he heads down the road.

After settling in at the motel. I take a hot shower to wash the blood and garbage smell off of me. Sure it was illegal to do what I did but I had my reasons. Ethan told me about it before it went down. We confessed that we liked each other a long time ago. Way before the murders. It still didn't faze me, I knew who Ethan was. The real Ethan, not the pretend person he tries to be for his father. He felt the same way for me and Ethan told me about the ambush before it happened. Ethan didn't want me to die so we got a good plan and executed it. I fell in love with him hard and fast, there's just something about him that drives me absolutely crazy. I would do anything for him. Even kill. 

Exiting the shower I have the towel wrapped around me. I step into the cold room and Ethan turns around. “I got you some clothes love. We have four hours until our flight leaves. So we have time to kill.” He fails to hide his smirk and I chuckle lightly. I take the clothes and I get dressed in front of him. Ethan comes near me and he towers over me. “But of course, I do want to blow off some steam.” Ethan doesn't exactly say he wants to have sex he kind of shows it with his touch. 

Suddenly I was right, his hands drop to my ass. We look into our eyes and Ethan immediately takes off the towel. It falls on the floor. Ethan gently guides me and places me on the bed. “You were so brave today baby.” Ethan praises as his hands roam over my body. I bite my lip and I look in his eyes. 

He makes his way to my clit and he starts to rub it in slow circles. He exhaled and groaned as he watched me squirm underneath him. Ethan holds me in place and looks into my eyes. “You were such a good girl today. It's only fair I repay you.”

He unbuttons his pants and pulls them down along with his boxers. Ethan takes his base and rubs it along my slit. I moan softly then I grip bedsheets. Before I can beg for him to stop teasing he pushes himself into me. Gasping for air and I adjust to his size. “Oh fuck. You're so fucking tight.” Ethan leans down over me and he starts to thrust in me at a slow pace. I run my fingers through his curly hair and I pull on his hair a bit. 

“Ethan. Harder baby.” I say with a moan on my lips, looking into his eyes deeply and hungrily. He picks up the pace and the room fills with our skin slapping together. My eyes roll back and my back arches off the mattress. “Oh fuck! Ethan don't stop baby!” I say while reaching down and rubbing my clit fast in a circular motion. He smiles and locks eyes with me, his hips snap harder and faster. “I could do this all day baby girl.” The creak of the bed can be heard underneath us, the room was filled with our moans and skin slapping together. 

We're both a moaning mess, Ethan was close because he always does his signature move. He always raises my right leg and hooks it on his shoulder. Ethan gets close to me and his skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat. “You're close huh?” I say with a smile and look in his beautiful dark brown eyes. He nods quickly in response and I rub my clit faster. “I'm getting close Ethan.”

After a few more thrusts I came first. My body pulses and my legs shake around Ethan. Several moans escape my mouth and Ethan chases his own release. “Oh fuck y/n I'm going to come!” Ethan says uncontrollably. I love when he loses control like this. The feeling is powerful and sexy, it makes sense. He spills into me and his thrusts get slower and slower with each thrust. Eventually he comes to a stop, Ethan falls on top of me slowly. He buried his face into my neck and inhales deeply to steady his heart rate. 

A few minutes pass and Ethan is laying on my stomach. I'm playing with his curls and staring into space. He picks his head up and looks up at me. “Do you love me?” My gaze snaps at the question and I look at him a little surprised. “Uhh.” Is literally all I could get out. Of course I love him. Once again I'm just not very good at showing it. Well, saying it.

I hold his chin and I look in his eyes seriously. “I do love you Ethan.” His response was a chuckle and a head shake. “Why are you so damn serious? It's a simple question. Not a Econ question” I burst out laughing and he does too.

We end the night running away together to another state. In love. Madly in love.

A/N: I feel like Ethan is the black sheep of the family. Hear me out, as a black sheep from experience, it's not hard to see how your parent only cares if you impress them. I feel like he was pressured or heavily convinced into getting revenge. Go back to this scene and really pay attention. Watch his expression and body language.

[elaratyrell]

Poor Unfortunate Souls {Part 1/3 -> Part Of Your World}

*All images found on Pinterest. Moodboard made by yours truly*

Dark! Ursula! Aemond x Fem! Eric! Reader x Ariel! Jacaerys

Warnings: Nothing in this chapter.. reader almost drowns but is saved. Daemon’s an asshole. *Divider from Firefly Graphics*

Synopsis: Jacaerys Velaryon, the reluctant heir to Atlantica. The moment he saw you, he knew he would never see someone who could capture him with their beauty again. You would haunt him eternally. In a desperate attempt to meet you, he turns to Aemond Targaryen, an outcast from the merfolk, to help him walk amongst the land dwellers. But when Aemond lays his eyes on you, he knows he has to have you. By any means necessary.

Part Two Jace's Ending Aemond's Ending

Jacaerys Velaryon. The son of Queen Rhaenyra and the heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantica, the home of the merfolk. An adventurous young merman, he was often found exploring sunken shipwrecks or the deepest sea caverns in search of treasures and trinkets…

Even when he was supposed to be attending his royal duties.

He couldn’t help it. He knew his mother wanted him to step up as her heir and become the prince he needed to be for his people, but he knew he wasn’t the prince they wanted. He wasn’t the prince they needed. He lacked the drive and ambition for ruling as king. He wasn’t interested in politics, or ruling over the merfolk.

In fact, he often felt conflicted between two worlds.

His home, the ocean, was where his family and his people were. And even though his four younger brothers and two sisters often drove him insane, he loved them dearly. And he loved his mother… his stepfather, Daemon, on the other hand, he barely even tolerated. He disliked how much of an influence he had over his mother, and how much power he held in the kingdom.

The other half of him, however, wished to be above the surface of the waves, where he could feel the full warmth of the sun, the softness of the sand on the shore and the cooling sea breeze…

He wanted to be where the people were.

Out of the water and living among them.

He knew it was outlawed to travel to the surface after his father, Harwin, was murdered by humans. He was incredibly young, barely over five years old, and his brothers Lucerys and Joffrey were too young to even remember, but that didn’t stop him from sneaking off to watch them from a distance. And besides, he was certain the kingdom was so against humans because Daemon seemed to loathe them, often spreading his rather false horror stories over humans and their prejudices against merfolk. There were even whispers of him trying to convince Rhaenyra to go to war with the surface world. Jacaerys disapproved of this, but knew his mother was wiser than that.

And while Jace certainly resented the humans who murdered his father, he knew not all humans were that cruel, just as not all merfolk were like Daemon. He still found himself greatly intrigued by the surface dwellers. Whether they were sailing on their great ships, or frolicking on the beach, or dancing… he wanted to try dancing…

But he knew he could never trade his tail for legs.

And so he spent his days exploring with his companion since birth, a fish with glittering olive green scales and bright orange fins called Vermax, eagerly taking any trinket or human object he could find at the bottom of the seabed or in a long abandoned shipwreck.He would take it to the surface to have it inspected by a seagull, Cannibal, before taking it to his secret grotto, a deep sea cavern where he stored his treasures.

He was often scolded by his mother for forgetting his duties, often arriving late or failing to show up at all sometimes, just like earlier in the week, when he failed to show up to a royal concert when he and Vermax had an unfortunate encounter with a shark while exploring a shipwreck. He had completely forgotten about the concert, going to Cannibal about the two interesting objects he’d found to add to his collection. When he had returned to rather sheepishly apologise to his mother, he had both her and Daemon lecturing him over duty and his careless and reckless behaviour whenever he opened his mouth to try.

It had even gotten to the point where Rhaenyra was now sending Syrax, her golden crab companion, to watch him and make sure he wasn’t getting into trouble, reporting back to her over whether he’d been to the surface. Jace had visited the surface world far less frequently as a result, only managing to do so when he out swam the crustacean. It wouldn’t surprise him if she sent his younger brother Lucerys or his uncle Aegon after him next. Or, heaven forbid, one of his sisters.

It was after one such scolding that Jacaerys found himself at his grotto, admiring his growing collection and daydreaming about being among the people on land. Being where he could walk, run, dance… where he could ask them the thousands of burning questions he had… where he could stay all day in the sun.

Where he could be part of their world.

He smiled to himself at the thought of walking on two legs, but found that fading into a disappointing frown as he looked down to see his tale, scales glittering scarlet and ebony in the fading sunlight.

Everyone assumed he had everything anyone could ever need in life. But he didn’t. He felt torn, ad though he didn’t belong under the ocean, but above the surface.

He wanted more than this.

He let out a soft exhale of disappointment, allowing himself to float down to the bottom of the cavern and landing on a slab of rock jutting out from the stone floor.

“I just wish to be part of that world, Vermax. Up there. All these treasures I have… they’re neat. And it seems as though I have everything… but it’s not enough. I want to live among them. I have everything I could ever need, and yet I want more…” He murmured, too caught up in his own thoughts to notice the stone entrance to his grotto sliding open.

A low whistle of mild impressment did, however, catch his attention, followed by a amused voice.

“Mother’s going to kill you.”

Lucerys was leaning against the closed entrance to the grotto, his arms crossed. Both Velaryon boys were rather similar, with dark curls and deep brown eyes. But Lucerys’ hair was shorter, and a slightly darker brown, and he had more black scales than Jacaerys, whose tail was mostly red, like their mother.

Jacaerys shot up, his cheeks slightly flushed. “Luke-“

“What is all of this stuff?” Luke asked, looking around the grotto rather amusedly.

“It’s… it’s just my… collection…”

“Impressive. I always wondered what you were doing when you constantly snuck away,” He mused. “But like I said, if mother finds out about this, you’re dead. She’s worried about you, always obsessing over the surface world and neglecting your duties...”

Jace rolled his eyes at his younger brother. Above him he heard a distant booming noise. Glancing up through the hole in the cavern roof where the surface of the water was visible, he saw a thousand colours light up the sky in a flurry of sparks and fizzing. He ignored his brother’s continued chattering, transfixed on whatever was happening in the world above.

“I told her that you were either crazy, or this is a just phase…”

“What do you suppose…?” Jacaerys muttered to himself, ignoring his brother’s teasing antics and swimming up to where the noise and bright flashing colours were coming from.

“But I didn’t realise you were this obsessed- where are you going? Jace! You can’t go up there! Humans are trouble! Mother said so!” Luke called after his brother, but he was already gone, Vermax hurrying after him. Luke glanced over at where Syrax was perched on a nearby ledge.

“So… should you follow him or should I?” He asked.

Syrax, realising Luke didn’t want to be the one to do so, hopped off the ledge and hurried after the older prince, who had now reached the water’s surface.

Jace gazed up in sheer awe at the great ship sailing towards him, the illuminating the night sky in a flurry of sparks in the most vibrant shades of scarlet, blue, emerald and gold. The sails billowed in the ocean winds, the largest of which was imprinted with what Jace could only assume was a royal sigil.

As Jace moved to get closer to the ship, he let out a yelp, feeling a sharp a pinch on his arm, Looking down to the culprit, he flicked Syrax off him and rubbed his arm, the skin slightly reddened from where the crab pinched him.

Diving back beneath the waves to move closer to the ship, Vermax hot on his tail. When he reached the great vessel, Jacaerys hoisted himself up and managed to climb up the side of the ship. He knew it was a risky move. If he was caught by the sailors, he would be captured or even killed. If was caught by his mother or Daemon… it might be even worse. But his curiosity had gotten the better of him.

He kept hidden in the shadows, peering through a gap on the side of the boat. There was cheering, dancing, drinking and singing, a celebration of sorts, and it somewhat relieved Jace that the sailors were probably too occupied with the festivities to notice him.

A sweet melody filled Jace’s ears as the sailors danced. A flute, he believed, was playing. He remembered reading about them in an old book he’d recovered from a shipwreck. He’d always imagined how their tune sounded, and he wasn’t disappointed.

He wasn’t sure what was being celebrated, but it seemed to be a most joyous occasion. Everyone seemed in the highest of moods and the most joyful of spirits. It was wonderful to see this side of the surface dwellers, and he couldn’t look away.

In fact, he was so entranced by the humans that he found himself jumping back in shock as a rather strange and hairy creature, a dog he believed came bounding over to him. He had read about them but had never seen them in person before, but it seemed friendly enough, sniffing him with interest and wagging its tail.

Jace smiled, rather tentatively reaching out to the animal, only to shrink back into the shadows as a female voice called out to the creature.

“Max! Here boy!”

Jace cautiously peered back around, his eyes widening as he laid eyes on who might possibly be the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

You.

He watched as Max eagerly bounded over to you, jumping up to lick your face in greeting. You laughed, gently pushing the dog away from you slightly and patting his head.

“Down boy. Good boy. C’mon what’s got you so excited?” You smiled, looking over in Jace’s direction and causing him to duck back into the darkness again. His cheeks were flushed pink, his mouth slightly agape. He knew if Luke were here, he would never hear the end of it. But after having seen numerous paintings and drawings of human women in books he’d found, as well as meeting with countless potential matches organised by his mother, be found that none of them, even the most notoriously beautiful mermaids, compared to you.

He found himself peering back around to admire you once again as you sat down with Max, rubbing the dog’s stomach and watching the ongoing celebrations. You were dressed rather simply in a white linen shirt with the top two buttons undone and a pair of blue breeches, a pair of black knee high leather boots on your feet. Your hair was down and loose, fluttering in the nightly see breeze.

You were absolutely beautiful.

A sudden loud screech to Jace’s side caused him to reluctantly tear his gaze away from you, sending the culprit a nasty glare.

“Quiet, Cannibal.” He hissed, not wanting to draw attention to his hiding place. Cannibal edged closer to Jace, seemingly wanting to see what- or who- had caught the young prince’s attention. When the bird laid eyes on you, he let out an even louder screech that sounded a little like a squawk of amusement, only to have Jace grab him by the beak to shut him up.

“I said quiet.” He shot the gull another glare before returning his focus to you. “I’ve never seen a human up this close before.” He breathed as he watched you play a small, cheerful melody on a flute, the flute he must have been hearing earlier, Max running around in circles around you as you twirled around, the both of you almost dancing together to the tune.

“She… she’s very beautiful…” He murmured, shooting yet another glare to the bird as he let out a slight muffled wheeze through his closed beak. Jace followed Cannibal’s gaze to where Max continued to dance around you. “No, not that thing.” He muttered, using the hand wrapped around Cannibal’s beak to move the bird’s head upwards to look at you. “The human.”

“Silence! Silence!” A man suddenly announced, his arms outstretched as he stood in the centre of the deck. “It is now my deepest honour and privilege to present our esteemed Princess Y/N with her birthday gift.”

“Y/N…” Jacaerys murmured dreamily, watching you step forward with a chorus of cheers from the crowd onboard. “Princess Y/N…”

The man stepped to the side to present a large object concealed by sapphire blue cloth and tied with a scarlet ribbon. “Happy birthday, Y/N.” He smiled, and with one tug on the ribbon, the cloth fell to reveal… a statue of you.

You were dressed in an extravagant gown, your arm raised in the air, your gleaming sword pointed towards the sky. Your expression was not warm as it was in reality, but one of hardened steel.

It was a warrior’s statue.

Jace tilted his head, his brows furrowing. The statue captured your beauty, that much was certain, but there was something missing from it. Maybe it was lacking your smile that sent a swarm of butterflies to erupt in his stomach, or the sparkle in your eyes. Whatever it was… it made the statue seem… unlike you.

“Wow… Grimsby you shouldn’t have.” Your voice sounded rather exasperated. “It’s… truly something to behold.”

Jace smiled. He could tell you were struggling to muster a compliment, but didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

“You like it?”

“It’s… really something…” You muttered, staring up at the statue, your lips pressed into a thin line and your eyes crinkled at the edges as you winced slightly, looking physically in pain at the sight of the gift. “Although it seems rather-“

“I commissioned it myself,” Grimsby declared rather proudly, his hand placed over his heart and making you immediately close your mouth. “Although… I had hoped it would be a wedding gift…”

“Oh don’t start, Grimsby,” You groaned, turning away from him and leaning on the side of the boat, just above where Jacaerys was hiding. “Are you really still sore that I rejected the proposal from that Dornish prince?”

“It isn’t just me, Y/N,” Grimsby sighed, stepping forward. “Your parents, the entire kingdom wishes for you to happily settle down with the right man-“

“Exactly, Grimsby! I need to find the right man,” You argued, sitting down on the side of the ship with one hand holding the rigging of the boat to prevent yourself from falling. “I know he’s out there somewhere. But I don’t want to marry for duty. I’ve always devoted myself to that. I want to marry for love. I want to find someone who… who has the same ambitions as me. Who… wants to see the world and sees past the fact I’m a princess. Someone who understands what it’s like to yearn to be out there exploring the world. Someone who understands freedom, and who wants to break free… and who understands that a part of me belongs out there in that world. Out there in the seas.”

Jace’s expression brightened at your words, his heart fluttering in his chest at you possibly sharing similar struggles to him.

It was like you were too good to be true.

That could be him… he could be that man for you…

“I’ll find him one day. He’s out there somewhere I… I just haven’t found him yet.”

“Well, perhaps you haven’t been looking hard enough.”

“Not helpful, Grimsby.” You grumbled, rising to your feet and looking out at the ocean, as black as the clouds brewing overhead. “Believe me, when I find him, I’ll know. Without a doubt.” Your words were firm, your expression one of clear resolve. “When I see him, it’ll… it’ll just hit me like… like lightning!”

No sooner did those words leave your mouth, you and Jace looked up as the deep growl of thunder rumbled overhead, a flash of lightning lighting up the sky.

“Hurricane!” A sailor yelled. “Stand fast! Secure the rigging!”

You immediately sprung into action, leaning forward to pull on the ropes as the waves lapped against the ship more aggressively than before, the wind whipping through your hair and rain beginning to pelt down from the sky as though the heavens themself were opening.

Jace grabbed ahold of the ship, failing to grab Cannibal as the gull was blown away by the wind torrents with a loud screech of protest. While the others focused on untying the lifeboats, Jace watched as you leaped up the stairs two at a time to reach the steering wheel of the ship that was spinning out of control, trying to stop the ship from capsizing into the water. A large surge of water passed over the ship, drenching you completely and those onboard.

Despite gripping onto the ship as tightly as he could, Jace soon found himself falling back into the water, barrels, crates and even the sailors following him beneath the surface. He swam upwards as quick as his tail could move, breaking through the surface to see a jagged flash of lightning hit the main sail of the ship.

Flames blazed through your royal seal emblazoned on the sail, burning through the cloth and spreading to the mast of the ship.

Jace gasped as he saw the ship uncontrollably heading towards a cluster of jagged rocks jutting out from the sea, you still at the wheel struggling to gain control of the ship. He wanted to scream at you, to climb onto the boat and help you steer the ship to safety, or to just grab you and get you off the ship, but he knew he couldn’t. He watched with a horrified expression as the ship rammed against the rocks, throwing more sailors and cargo, including you and the statue, overboard and into the depths below. The mast snapped, falling forwards and spreading the fire to the rest of the ship.

Jacaerys swam forward to see you help Grimsby onto the lifeboat to join several other of your crew mates. He felt a small sigh of relief to see you safe as you hauled yourself into the small boat, but it the feeling was short lived as you frantically looked around the small cluster of life boats, your gaze ultimately returning to the raging inferno consuming the ship.

“Max!”

No, no, no, no.

You couldn’t go back.

Jace couldn’t watch you do that.

To risk your life and possibly lose it.

He followed you as you swam back to the burning ship, hauling yourself back onboard to save your beloved dog.

“Jump, Max! Come on, you can do it. Come on, boy, just jump!” You desperately cried out to the animal, unable to move further forward thanks to the flames and the collapsed mast.

Jace squinted, trying to see you through the billowing smoke, his breath caught in his throat. As he saw your silhouette emerge through the smoke, he released the breath he was holding, but it got caught in his throat as your foot suddenly fell through the deck and out of his sight.

Max fell off the boat and into the sea where he was pulled onto the lifeboat by the surviving sailors, who cried out to you as you desperately tried to free yourself from where your foot was stuck, the flames flickering higher and higher around you, the smoke filling your lungs and choking you from any oxygen.

You managed to loosen your foot enough to pull it out of your boot as the inferno raged on, but it proved feeble as a barrel of gunpowder rolled past you and into the flames. As soon as the ship exploded, Jacaerys surged forward to where the ship wreckage was sinking beneath the waves, frantically looking around for any sight of you, the flames providing enough light for him to see clearly. Upon seeing no sight of you, he rose back to the surface. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you, unconscious, balanced on a plank of wood from the deck. No sooner did he see you, the violent waves caused you to slip from the plank and under the water.

As you sank deeper and deeper, Jacaerys swam after you, managing to grab ahold of you and heading in the direction of the shore. He made sure to keep your head above the water so you could hopefully breathe, not even caring whether you were dead or alive at that moment. He just needed to get you to safety.

His arms ache as he finally reached the shallows, struggling to drag both you and himself onto the beach. He cradled you in his arms, his chestnut eyes scanning your form for any sign of life. For any slight twitch, any movement, any breath. Yet your eyes remained closed, your skin pale and your mouth slightly agape.

“Is she… dead?” The word almost got caught in Jacaerys’ throat as he turned to where Cannibal landed beside them on rather shaky legs.

Please don’t be dead… please don’t be dead…

“She… she can’t be dead…” Jace murmured, a finger gently opening one of your eyes. Upon seeing them up close, he realised how beautiful your eyes were. Cannibal hopped between you and Jace, pressing his head against your foot, letting out a small, sorrowful caw.

“Wait… wait look! She’s breathing!” Jace exclaimed as you let out a small exhale, your chest beginning to gently rose and fell. He sent a small disapproving look to Cannibal. “You know that’s not where they breathe, right?” He muttered as Cannibal leaped the air and landed on a nearby rock.

Jace rolled his eyes, looking back to where your breaths were becoming less shallow and more even. “She’s so beautiful…” He whispered as he looked down at you. Your clothes were torn, and one of your boots was gone, your dripping wet hair plastered over your forehead. Jace reached over to gently brush it away from your face.

As his hand moved to gently caress your cheek, he found himself humming a small tune his mother used to sing to him at night. It was an old tune from generations long since passed, sung in an ancient language that was no longer spoken by merfolk other than the royal family, although Jace’s was a little rusty at best after missing so many lessons. It was a lullaby that always soothed him after a night terror when he was young.

His humming soon evolved into him softly singing the song, and a smile spread onto his face as he saw your eyelids flutter and open ever so slightly, your soft, small hand reaching up to place over his. When your hand made contact with his, Jace felt his heartbeat quicken, his skin feeling as though it were on fire from your touch.

A loud bark made him flinch back away from you, spotting Grimsby and Max on the horizon. He dived into the water as the dog bounded over to you, eagerly greeting you by slobbering on your face as you slowly sat up, one hand- the hand that touched Jace’s- resting on the side of your head as you groggily looked around.

“Y/N! Oh thank goodness,” Grimsby breathed in relief, his hand reaching into his pocket and taking out his slightly damp handkerchief, which he used to dab his clammy forehead. “You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don’t you?” He muttered, leaning down to help the princess to her feet. “Are you alright, my dear?”

“I… I saw… a boy. He… he rescued me…” You muttered, one hand still clutching your head as you regained your balance. “He was singing to me. He had the most beautiful voice…” You trailed off, swaying slightly.

”Oh, Y/N,” Grimsby sighed. “I think you’ve swallowed a bit too much seawater.”

“No, I saw him.” She protested, looking out at the shore. “I heard him.”

“Of course you did, my dear,” Grimsby sighed, wrapping an arm over the girl’s shoulders. “Come on. Off we go. Come along, Max- Max! What is that dog barking at now?”

“Max!” You called out, followed by a sharp whistle that got the dog’s attention from where he was barking in Jace’s direction, the prince hiding behind a rock.

As you, Grimsby and Max left the small beach and headed towards your castle, Jace watched you go, Cannibal perched on the rock in front him.

“I don’t know when, I don’t know how… but watch and you’ll see, someday I’ll be part of that world. I know I will be!” He declared to his feathered companion, a steely determination set in those deep brown eyes of his. “No matter what it takes.”

A short distance away, Jacaerys was being watched by an ancient beast. A large, bronze eel, one eye a glittering green and the other glowing a vibrant sapphire blue. She watched him silently for a moment before dipping beneath the surface to return to her master.

It was only a matter of time before the young prince sought him out.

“You summoned me, mother?”

Queen Rhaenyra smiled fondly at her second born son as perched regally on her throne, her golden trident, the source of her power passed down from her father, resting beside her.

“Yes, Lucerys. I wished to ask you about your brother.”

“J-Jacaerys?” Luke stammered.

“Yes. I tasked you with watching over him but you have yet to report back to me. Your sisters have noticed certain things…”

“O-oh?”

“Apparently he’s to himself, daydreaming even more than usual, not swimming to sunken shipwrecks looking for trouble… it’s almost as though something has consumed his mind completely.”

“Well… he seems normal to me mother.” Lucerys chuckled nervously, making Rhaenyra raise an eyebrow.

“Rhaena and Baela said he swam past them in very high spirits this morning, putting flowers in their hair and singing to himself.”

“Well… well I-“

“Lucerys, I know you’re keeping something from me, sweet one.”

“Ke-keeping something, mother? I would never.”

“Really? Because Rhaena and Baela told me something else rather interesting.”

“They… they did?”

“About Jacaerys… his mood. His high spirits and his daydreaming. It’s as though he’s come alive. I’ve seen the signs before, both in myself and others.”

“You… have seen what?” Luke visibly gulped as Rhaenyra beckoned him closer.

“Isn’t it obvious? Jacaerys is in love, is he not? Or at least infatuated?”

“I… I don’t know mother-“

“Come now, Luke. I understand that you and Jace are at that age where you don’t feel the need to tell me everything, but this is important…”

Luke felt face flush slightly. If Rhaenyra found out, she’d be furious. But what would be worse is if Jace got captured, or killed.

“Mother… I do not know-“

“I only wish to know who the lucky mermaid is…”

“Mother-“

“Or merman perhaps? He is rather good friends with Cregan of the Arctic waters, is he not?”

“I- I wouldn’t know, I-“

“Unless you simply do not wish to fulfil the task I have given you and have been neglecting your duty-“

“I tried to stop him mother!” Lucerys suddenly exclaimed, making Rhaenyra raise her eyebrows in slight surprise at her son’s outburst.

“Stop him? From what?” Rhaenyra’s expression changed from one of mild amusement to immediate concern.

“I tried to stop him from doing it but he never listens to me. Just because he’s older, he thinks he can swim to the surface even though I warned him about the humans-“

“Humans? What about humans?” Rhaenyra demanded, gripping her trident harshly and making Luke stop in his tracks.

“Hu-humans? Why mother, who said anything about humans?” He chuckled, glancing away from his mother.

“Luke…” Rhaenyra warned, rising from her throne. “What has your brother been doing? Tell me. Now.”

“I… I don’t know what happened mother. He saw these flames in the sky and he followed them to the surface. I tried to stop him, I promise I did. When he returned the next morning he was a completely different person. Happier. And yet somehow more annoying-“

“Luke…”

“Anyway,” Lucerys cleared his throat. “I asked him what happened and… and…”

“And what? And what, Luke?”

“He said he’d saved… a human…” Lucerys muttered. “A princess.”

“He saved a human? Those murderous savages.” A voice spoke from the shadows.

Lucerys felt his heart sink as he realised he’d failed to notice Daemon’s presence, too focused on trying to protect his brother’s secret from their mother.

“I…” For once, Lucerys had found himself at a loss for words.

“I think that’s everything we need Lucerys… you may leave.” Daemon ordered, but Lucerys stood his ground.

“No. I want to know what you’ll do-“

“Luke, go to your chambers.”

“But, mother-“

“Lucerys. Go.” The sternness of Rhaenyra’s words and the fire within her eyes made Lucerys reluctantly comply, swimming off with his heart sinking at what he’d done.

“Humans? Love? He’s going to get himself killed.” Rhaenyra sighed, looking over at her husband. “What do you suggest I do?”

“The only way we can save Jacaerys is if we rid him of these absurd thoughts. We need to act quickly.”

“I do not want to push him away more than I already have.” Rhaenyra said as Daemon swam over to her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“If we don’t act now, you’ll lose him to the surface. You of all people know what they do to our kind. He’s your heir, Rhaenyra. Your first born son. To protect him, we may need to hurt him.”

“But, Daemon-“

“Do you want him to resort to extreme solutions like your brother did? Do you want him to suffer that same fate as Aemond? Or turn to him for a solution?”

“Jacaerys isn’t like Aemond in any way. He is not cruel, or cunning like him. He would never seek him out. He knows better.”

“For now.” Daemon replied. “But love can cloud and deceive the mind in ways that can make the greatest of men fall.”

“Vermax, what’s going on?” Jace asked as the small fish attempted to herd him in the direction of the grotto. Jace rolled the stone away, moving forward to enter, but his companion stopped him in his tracks, swimming right up go his face and turning, flicking his tail into Jace’s eyes.

“Ouch! Vermax,” Jace rubbed his eyes, wincing slightly at the small sting. “Okay, it’s that important of a surprise.” He sighed, complying with Vermax’s wishes. “If you wanted me to close my eyes you could just ask nicely.” He muttered, feeling himself being gently nudged slowly into the grotto, his arms held out in front of him in case Vermax decided to steer him into a wall. Again.

Jace had been in his grotto so many times he knew where he was when Vermax moved in front of him again, this time flicking him on the hand to stop him in his tracks.

“Really? Again?” Jace sighed. “At least it was more gentle that time.” He muttered. Vermax nudged his hand, and Jace opened his eyes, letting out a small gasp at the sight in front of him.

There, placed in the centre of his grotto, the new centrepiece of his treasure collection… was your statue. He turned to the small fish, a wide smile growing on his face.

“You’re the best, Vermax,” He grinned, swimming over to the statue. “It’s perfect. How… how did you find this- how did you get this in here?” He asked. “Nevermind, I know I’ll never find out. Oh gods, it’s perfect- she’s perfect. It looks just like her- well, her eyes have more sparkle in real life, and they’re kinder too…”

He swam circles around the statue, analysing every angle. “It really is a work of art,” He murmured, a hand reaching up again to rest on the statue’s stone cold cheek. “If only it were real. Then we could run away from all our troubles… and find a place where we can belong. Don’t you think that would be the best thing, Verm-“ As he turned to address his closest friend, he was instead greeted by the face of his mother. A face that was half concealed by shadows and that was twisted in both sorrow and fury.

“M-mother. I can explain-“

“I think everything is quite clear to me, Jacaerys,” Rhaenyra interrupted, swimming out of the shadows, golden trident glinting in the fading light. Jace felt himself wince at the harshness of her tone when she spoke his full name.

“I consider myself a reasonable mermaid. A reasonable queen. And a reasonable mother,” She continued, her voice although soft in volume, was also cold in time. “I set certain rules to protect my people. To protect you. And I expect those rules to be followed.”

”But, mother, it’s not what you thi-“

“Is it true you rescued a human from drowning?” She demanded. Jace felt his mouth dry up. She knew? Luke… or Syrax, somehow?

“I… I had to. She… she would have died…”

“Contact between the human and mer worlds is strictly forbidden. You know this, everyone knows this. And I thought you of all people should understand this.”

“She would have died mother!”

“And that would only be one less human to worry about,” Daemon spoke up, emerging from the shadows behind Rhaenyra.

“You don’t even know her!” Jace protested, placing himself in front of your statue, as though he was protecting you.

“Know her?” Daemon let out a mocking laugh. “We don’t need to know her.” He snarled. “Humans, they’re all the same. Spineless, savage, harpoon, fish- eaters who are incapable of any feeling-”

“I love her.” Jacaerys blurted out, stopping Daemon in his tracks and making Rhaenyra’s expression morph into one of horror.

“No…” She breathed. “No, Jacaerys it… it cannot be true… have… have you lost your senses completely? You haven’t even met her! She’s human.”

“And you’re a merman.” Daemon sneered.

“I don’t care.” Jace retorted defiantly. “I’ll find a way.”

“Jacaerys, so help me, please do not escalate this.” Rhaenyra warned.

“Escalate it? What can you do mother? I’m not a child anymore!”

“We clearly aren’t getting through to him,” Daemon said. “You know what you have to do, Rhaenyra.”

“W-what’s he talking about, mother?” Jace asked, backing up so he was blocking the statue completely, a weary edge to his tone.

“I need to get through to you Jace,” Rhaenyra’s voice was solemn. “And if this is the only way…” She looked away from her son, raising her arm so the trident was pointing to an upper shelf of the grotto. “��So be it.”

“Mother, don’t!” Jace exclaimed, the realisation finally dawning on him. But it was too late. The trident was now glowing with lightning and flames, casting the grotto in a harsh orange light. Beams shot from the trident, perfectly landing on their targets.

His entire book collection? Gone.

His paintings, his jewellery collection, his candlesticks and compass? Reduced to dust.

Everything, from his gadgets and gizmos to his whozits and whatzits, were completely destroyed.

“Mother, mother please stop,” Jacaerys pleaded, desperately grabbing onto Rhaenyra’s arm, his eyes glassed over with tears threatening to spill at any moment.

But he wasn’t going to give Daemon the satisfaction of letting them fall.

“Mother- mother no, please no!” He yelled, following her gaze to where she aimed the trident at your statue, reducing it to rubble mere seconds later.

Jace let go of his mother, letting himself float to the grotto floor in front of where your statue was standing so proudly moments ago.

Rhaenyra, tore her gaze away from her eldest son, quickly swimming away from the irreparable damage she’d caused, both to herself and Jace. She too didn’t want to let the cracks show. Daemon stayed where he was, admiring the destruction of the treasures created by the beings he despised so.

“If you truly loved the humans, Jacaerys, if you truly wanted to be where you belong, you should go to them,” He said coldly, cruelly. “Because you certainly don’t belong here.”

As Daemon swam from the grotto, followed by his companion, a blood red moray eel called Caraxes, Jace finally let the tears spill, his chest heaving with the sobs that racked through his body.

“Jace…”

“Go away.”

“Jace, I’m sorry-“

“Sorry? Sorry that she destroyed everything?” Jace exclaimed, turning to glare at his younger brother. “Look what she did Luke. Look what Daemon made her do.” He turned away again as his voice cracked, another wave of realisation hitting him that his pride and joy, his wonderful collection that had taken him years to put together, was gone.

And your statue along with it.

“Jace, I didn’t know this was going to happen. I thought you might get in trouble and-“

“Just go away,” He whispered.

Luke hung his head low, reluctantly leaving his brother alone and joining Syrax, Vermax and Arrax, an infant ray who shimmered a pearl white, with the exception of his golden underside and eyes to match. Like Vermax, he was not yet fully grown.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t leave him, and… I hate seeing him like this, annoying as he is. It’s all Daemon’s fault, that son of a-“ Lucerys’ ranting was cut off as Syrax pinched his lips between her claw. Before he could prize her off him, a large shadow loomed over the group, and the three sea creatures ushered the younger prince behind a rock, hiding him from sight.

It was an eel, but it was considerably larger than Caraxes, by two times at least. She looked more like some ancient sea serpent, for she was an ancient creature. Her bronze scales that once gleaned brightly had dulled with age, but her eyes still gleamed just as bright, as did the small clusters of blue and green streaked along the top and underside of her body. One eye was a vibrant green, like grass in the height of springtime. The other was an unnaturally vibrant blue, glowing brightly in the night like a sapphire.

Vhagar was surely an fearsome sight to behold.

Lucerys watched the beast slither into the grotto. He went to follow her, but Syrax stopped him by pinching his side.

“I can’t let him be eaten, can I?” He hissed, rubbing the reddened skin. “I have to do something!” He protested, but Syrax and Arrax blocked his path adamantly. Even Vermax was more focused on keeping the younger prince hidden than going to Jace, grabbing long stems of kelp and dropping them over Luke, who brushed them off him immediately.

“You have to let me help him? It’s just some old eel, right?”

Jacaerys had wiped his eyes, but was still staring down at the rubble, not wanting to lift his head to be greeted with the sight of his former grotto, once a proud collection, now reduced to nothing. He didn’t want to cry again.

He let out a deep, shaking breath, trying to slow his hammering heart and calm the tremble in his hands. And yet every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was the princess he saved.

“Mijegindita ri��a… Mijegindita dōna riña…”[Poor child… poor sweet child…]

Jace’s head shot up to be greeted with the sight of Vhagar circling him like a constrictor about to suffocate it’s prey, her blue eye glowing violently in the darkness. He recognised the language as High Valyrian, the ancient language of merfolk. But he was far from a fluent speaker. In fact, he was rather terrible.

“I-I’m sorry I… I don’t fully understand…”

“It seems as though you have a very serious problem… if only there was something that could be done…”

The beast continued, this time in a modern tongue. Her voice was more of a deep, ancient rumble, coming from within. She didn’t move her mouth when she spoke, but Jace saw the glinting of those dagger like teeth. It was as though she were a vessel for someone else to speak to him. As though someone was speaking through her.

“Perhaps there is something that could be done for you…” Vhagar continued, circling closer and closer around Jace, turning her head towards him so he could clearly see her in the silvery glow of the moon above.

“I… I know you…” Jace breathed, and she retreated back into the inky murkiness of the shadows. “But that’s impossible… you… you and him… you were both banished… after what happened with- with Luke…”

He was only young when his uncle Aemond was banished, and Lucerys was too young to properly remember everything, but the memories still stuck with the elder prince vividly. He remembered the glint of the blade in the torchlight, he remembered Lucerys lunging at Aemond, and the young man’s screams wailing through the kingdom.

That was many years ago. Over a decade.

“Don’t be scared…” The voice spoke. “I represent the person who can help you. Someone who can make all your dreams come true…”

“I don’t think-“

“Just imagine-“ The voice cut him off, Vhagar’s head slithered past him, that piercing blue eye focused entirely on the prince. “You and your princess. Together, forever.” There was a slight mocking edge to the voice as it spoke, making Jace frown.

“No… no I can’t.” Jace faltered, knowing the offer, although tempting, was surely tainted with something far more sinister in return.

“Aemond has become incredibly powerful. He can use his power to help you...”

That stopped Jace in his tracks. He’d heard the rumours of his depraved uncle turning to dark magic in his exile. Some said he’d saught out the sea witch, Alys Rivers, who had mysteriously vanished months after his banishment.

“No I... I couldn’t possibly go to him. No. Get out of here! Leave me alone!” He exclaimed, lunging forwards and out of Vhagar’s reach to sit on one of his now empty ledges and facing away from the beast.

”Suit yourself,” The voice said as Vhagar retreated. “It was only a suggestion.” As she left, her tail flicked upwards, causing your statue’s face, still somehow intact unlike the rest of the statue, to land beside Jace. He reached over and picked it up, cradling it in his arms, Daemon’s words echoing over and over again in his mind.

“If you truly loved the humans, Jacaerys, if you truly wanted to be where you belong, you should go to them…”

“…Because you certainly don’t belong here.”

And for once, Jacaerys agreed with Daemon.

He was his mother’s heir, and yet he had no qualities of being a king. He wasn’t studious, or particularly charismatic in the eyes of the people. He did his royal duties when he remembered, but he had never aspired to be a king.

He remembered every little slip up, every time he’d been late to an event, every time he’d disappointed his mother and his siblings. Even little Viserys and Aegon could do a better job that he could. Even Luke with his mischievous ways, and young Joffrey, carried out their tasks to perfection. And his sisters, Baela and Rhaena were born to lead.

He wasn’t born for that.

He didn’t belong.

When he watched you on that ship, when he watched the people celebrate your birthday, and dance and sing and tell stories, he felt more at home. Like he could belong.

Daemon was right.

His mind was made up.

He was going to see Aemond.

“Wait!” He called out, and Vhagar’s face loomed into view once again.

“Take me to him.”

A/N: I know, I know, and I’m sorry to the Aemond girlies who are disappointed he didn’t show up. But I can promise you that he will be centre stage throughout most of Part Two

Masterlist

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[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER ONE (BAHRAIN)

genre: fluff, angst, etc.

warnings: hmmm nothing i think

word count: 5.3k

author's note: aaaa first chapter !! i don't rlly like it but still !!!! a very much opener/get-to-know-the-characters/intro chapter, so maybe boring at times idk. still so excited, thanks to everyone who's contributed. love u all <333

author's note pt2: when i write about the different drivers and their living situations, i know it's not all accurate to how they actually live irl. ik i wrote modena instead of maranello here for ollie although idk exactly when he moved, but there are mentions of milton keynes for the rbj drivers bcs it made it easier for me. anyways, just go with whatever i say about how they live lol. also !!!! i changed yn's team from mp to campos hehe. okay now let's start :)

series masterlist

the winter break coming to an end is always a bittersweet feeling.

having a lot of free time to catch up with friends and family is always greatly appreciated, but at the same time, it doesn't take many days before you miss racing after the last race of the season. especially when the season is as short as the f3 season is, and especially when you don't partake in any of the winter-season races.

this year, though, coming back to the paddock doesn't feel as complicated as it most often does. your heart is light and your smile is big as you enter through the gates after the long taxi ride from your hotel, and you already can't wait to get started.

as you make your way toward the campos truck, you greet a few people you meet here and there, but it's the sight of a head full of dark, curly hair that makes you stop in your tracks. "jak!"

the american turns around when he hears your voice, grin taking over his face already. you strut all the way over to him, practically throwing yourself into his arms. "hey there," he chuckles, giving you a big hug.

"oh, i've missed you so much!" you exclaim, giving him one last squeeze before pulling away. "it feels like i haven't seen you in ages."

"right? the break was way too long."

juan pokes his head through the door to the truck when he hears your voices, making some kind of comment about all of these loud teenagers always causing a commotion, before coming down to greet you with a hug as well. "how was your break?" he asks.

"wonderful, really. i spent most of it at home, catching up with family and friends. then me and ollie-" your eyes widen at your own words. you clear your throat, looking away from both of the boys for a second. "well, i went to italy."

your relationship with ollie isn't exactly a secret around the paddock, but it's a bit of an unspoken rule not to mention it too much. both because you all want to separate your personal lives from your racing ones – you don't wish to crash into a close friend like jak any more than you'd like to crash into ollie, after all – and because a certain other driver might be around to hear.

someone who's quite the conflict of interest in this specific topic.

your break truly was wonderful. it felt like the only things on your schedule were skiing in the italian mountains, gym-and sim-training, and just relaxing at home in england to recharge for the next season. you had spent a lot of it with ollie, getting to know both him and his family better. it hadn't taken you long before you were best friends with his little sister, sharing little inside jokes and spending time cheering her on at the stable. and you'd even grown surprisingly close with ollie's younger brother, and you loved seeing the three siblings interact.

they all made you feel truly at home with them, like an extended family. you couldn't have asked for anything more.

ollie was well-known in your family even before the break, especially considering how he was one of the first drivers your father picked out for the academy. and during the break, he only further impressed them; he always helped out with household tasks, he did his best to create connections to every relative of yours that he met, and he even bought the sweetest little christmas presents for your parents and grandparents. however, just the mention of italy in your current conversation is enough to make the dams drivers understand. no other detail is necessary.

when you're done talking about your break, it's juan's turn, and then jak's. during the catchup, more and more people drop by to say hello, and it doesn't take long before there's a full-on gathering outside the dams truck. dennis, another one of your former academy members, and pepe, your new teammate and newly found platonic soulmate, both listen in as jak tells you all about how jetlagged he is after coming back from the states just two days ago. "have you gotten properly settled in with aston?" you ask with a smile.

"totally. it's been great, honestly. even the apartment they found for me is top-notch."

"oh? better than milton keynes?"

jak raises his eyebrows at you, and then he bursts out laughing. "duh." throughout the many years of living next-door from each other, there wasn't a single day when the two of you didn't complain about something the apartment complex. the smell, the noise, the trails of blood in the staircase; not exactly things you'll miss when you move out one day.

"i still can't really believe we're not neighbors anymore," you complain, jutting out your bottom lip as you speak. "i've been so close to knocking on your old door so many times, but now some other freak lives there-"

"hey!" pepe shoves your shoulder, and the whole group laughs. "you're much worse than i am!"

"i'm so glad i finally moved out of there," dennis chimes in. "if i had been neighbors with y/n and pepe at the same time… i don't think i would've gotten any sleep at all, man."

"i didn't get any sleep for four years when i lived there..." jak groans.

"is this your first time in a series together?" juan jumps in, looking between you and jak, but seems surprised when you both nod. "best friends but you've never raced each other? maybe this season is what forces you apart."

"yeah, what will you do if i crash into you when you're in the lead?" jak teases, pressing an elbow into your side.

"then i think a few compromising pictures of you might make their way to the aston martin headquarters..."

when it's like this, being on the same grid with all of these people is so easy. you're all friends, not opponents. all in the same boat with the same excitement and expectations for the season. unfortunately, you know it won't stay this uncomplicated for long. when you're actually out on track in a few weeks, forcing each other into the walls and swearing at each other over the team radios, there won't be any more happy faces.

but for now, you enjoy smiling with the people who are just as much your friends as they are your enemies. that is, until you spot someone else joining your little group.

paul.

suddenly, the smile feels much more forced; the air is thicker and harder to breathe in. and when he makes his way over to you, a lump forms in your throat.

a lump you understand probably won't disappear all season.

the second you're back in your hotel room, you reach for the little dark blue book you've hidden in your bedside drawer. the pen in your hand is one you've had for years, one you always bring with you to every race weekend. the ink has been refilled possibly hundreds of times, but the plastic body has remained the same ever since you bought it.

the journal itself is torn; it's been used and loved for many years, too. it's like an extra best friend, a second home. when you're writing in it, it's one of the few times you feel like you can actually be your true, authentic self – it's one of the few times when you're not afraid that someone will judge your emotions or thoughts.

today, you know what you want to write about instantly.

i saw paul for the first time since abu dhabi.

i haven't been able to stop thinking about him. no matter how hard, i couldn't get him out of my mind. i've been wondering what he looks like now, how his voice has changed, if his smile is still as bright. and suddenly, he was there and i saw him.

the answer? he's just as he always was. and i can't tell if that makes me feel alright or awful.

you're pulled out of your head by the sound of a knock on your door, and you instantly scramble to hide your journal in the drawer again. the second you pull the door open and ollie's gaze meets yours, it's like all of your previous thoughts disappear. it's just you and him again; no one else even exists.

especially not paul.

"are you ready to go?" ollie asks, hands finding your sides as he leans in to press a quick kiss to your cheek. "i found the address of some good pasta place, it's just a few blocks from here."

you nod, your hands landing on top of his and giving them a quick squeeze before pulling away. "i just need to put on some earrings," you start, backing into the room. "will you help me choose?"

"of course."

"carlos set a stunning lap today. did you see it?"

the question makes you roll your eyes, letting out a sigh as you bring out three plates from the cupboard above the stove. your dad has always been quick to comment on anything good regarding ferrari; to anyone living in the max verstappen era, even a sliver of a good result is enough to spark some hope, so you aren't exactly surprised. "yes, dad. of course i saw it."

"i reckon this will be our year," your dad continues as you walk past him cooking by the stove, carrying the plates to the dinner table. "carlos will make them regret getting lewis instead of him."

you can't help the chuckle that leaves your mouth. your mom gives you a knowing glare over her newspaper – don't start anything. you choose to ignore it. "you really think this is how it's going to look next week during the actual race?" you ask. "you don't think max is sandbagging the slightest?"

"i'm just telling you," your dad starts, giving his stew a good stir. the snarky tone in his voice is unmistakable. "don't come home crying to me when you realize red bull isn't going to cut it anymore. if you regret your choices, go somewhere else."

even like this, when you're back home for a few days to catch up with your family, neither of you can stay away from this bickering. your dad is always pestering you about sticking with the red bull junior team, and you never can back down from a fight. you're way too stubborn.

"are you saying that i wouldn't have a place in ferrari if i wanted to?" you set the plates down with a thud, the sound making your mother flinch in her seat by the table. "you would say no to your only daughter, huh?"

"i'm just saying that you'd need to prove yourself to get into the academy."

despite your harsh tones, most people around you think you're just joking around when you act like this; some family-mockery can never hurt, right? however, there's always a hint of seriousness behind it. it's been like this between the two of you forever, and especially ever since your dad became the head of the ferrari driver academy – the rivalry between you two is stronger than ever.

you've always been sure of your choice; you've always felt like the red bull family is perfect for you. but recently, you've started to wonder if staying with the team actually was the right thing for you. what really is your future in the team? it's not like you haven't got great drivers ahead of you, drivers who will be called in for a possible f1 seat before you.

and it's not like red bull has a stellar record of keeping all of their drivers. they only have four seats in formula one, after all.

your dad wants you in ferrari, that much is clear. you may have joined the red bull junior team because of his past with the team; he did win their first ever championship, after all. accepting was the only option when you got the offer to join. however... your dad really wants you in ferrari. there's just something about the brand, the colors and the history that obviously is intriguing for everyone. even lewis hamilton couldn't stay away, for god's sake.

you can't admit it, though. not here, not right now.

so instead, you choose to fight fire with fire. "bullshit," you mumble under your breath before speaking clearly again. "second in the championship last year wasn't proof enough?"

"stop this," your mom says, folding up her newspaper and placing it on the table. you roll your eyes yet again but look back at her when she speaks again. "new subject: how is our dear ollie doing?"

you visibly relax at the question, your heart softening in your chest. "he's good. he's back in modena now, so..."

if it had been your dad asking about ollie, you know it would've been because he's interested in how the academy is doing. but since your mom is the one asking, you know it's real concern and curiosity. "how did he find the new car? did he enjoy testing?"

"not really," you say, slipping into the seat opposite your mum as your dad places the pot of stew in front of you on the table. "though, you know, the prema cars are never that good in bahrain. but he assumes they'll bounce back."

there's something in your dad's tone when he speaks again that makes you stop in the middle of your reach for the ladle. "yeah, so i've heard..." it's almost sarcastic, maybe a bit... irritated?

you turn towards him, a frown on your face. "what?"

"william," your mom says with a shake of her head. she knows something. "let's not go there." but just as you're about to call them out on how strange they're acting, she speaks again: "what do your upcoming weeks look like? for how long will you be back in england?"

anyone with eyes – or even without, to be fair – can tell that they're hiding something. and while your curiosity is killing you, you're not in the mood for a full-fledged fight at this time. you take the high road, which isn't your most familiar way of handling things like this, and try your best to push away any wishes to question your parents. you answer, engage in polite conversations and chat about your upcoming season. then, you thank them for dinner and leave the house after giving them their respective kisses on their cheeks.

but all evening, your mind is on something else. and when you get back home to your apartment, your fingers itch to send ollie a text asking if he knows anything. but instead, you go to bed with a knot in your stomach. maybe it's a topic for another day.

being back in the car for testing was great, but it was nothing compared to being back on the track for an actual race weekend. the first round of the championship was something you'd looked forward to for what felt like years, and now it was finally time. you've never been more excited, or nervous, for any race weekend.

you weren't off to the best of starts, though. qualifying has always been one of your stronger suits, so coming 13th was not a result you had anticipated. thankfully, it meant you had time to practice overtaking and had a good chance of improving your place. having to start right behind pepe and paul in both races was an interesting coincidence, but you were obviously not going to let any of it affect your racing.

though p8 is not the best place to finish, you are actually quite pleased with having gained several positions in the sprint race and taking your first point of the year. the car was, as you knew it would be, very different from the f3 car, although you were surprisingly confident and managed it well despite the circumstances.

paul, too, handled it all very well – p12 to p5 is a great record. and when he sees the timing board and realizes that you also did well considering the circumstances, he's overjoyed. he's practically bouncing down the paddock when he finally gets out of his car, accepting the fans' cheers and the handshakes from his engineers with a big grin. and when he sees you further down the paddock, his mind is filled with memories of the two of you celebrating your good placements in all other categories.

just because you aren't a couple now doesn't mean you can't honor these results together, right?

but just a second later, he realizes that you're surrounded by the familiar red-clad staff members instead of your own campos staff, and you're standing right by that red prema car he knows so well. and, sure enough, soon the person he'd forgotten about steps up to you.

paul watches as you wrap your arms around ollie's shoulders, and his heart sinks in his chest. your boyfriend hides his face in your shoulder and your hand comes up to stroke the skin on the back of his neck. paul can tell how your lips are moving, and the pout you're showing off tells him enough about what's going on even though he can't actually hear what you're saying. you aren't prioritizing being happy about your own race – it's more important to comfort ollie.

to paul, there's something so unsettling about the sight. he's seen the two of you together many times before – besides, he gets tagged in pretty much every picture a fan takes of you with your boyfriend – but it isn't your proximity that he has issues with.

the thing that upsets him is the fact that there's a frown stretched across your features; one that doesn't leave even when you part from ollie, or when you're cheered on by your mechanics, or when you leave for your post-race interviews. a frown that any other time would be replaced with a big, proud smile because of your accomplishments.

the music blasting into your ears from your airpods cuts out the rest of the world, the usually so busy and loud paddock all gone the second you pressed the play button on your phone. it's been your favorite way of getting in the race mood for years; you're not superstitious in many other ways, but your playlist has stayed the same since your first season in f4. walking around the garage, doing your warmups, or even just sitting around and waiting to get in the car like you are right now, you listen to the exact same songs on repeat. it's one of the few things that makes you truly focus on the race ahead of you.

so when you feel two hands on your shoulders from behind, you jump in your seat. turning your head, you're relieved to see the big smile of pepe shining down at you. "did i scare you?" he asks loudly enough to cut through the music, and you barely have time to nod and take one airpod out before he speaks again. "good, that was my intention."

you slide your airpods into their case as pepe plops into the seat next to you, eyes zoning in on the f3 feature race on the screen in front of you. "i'm so upset," you huff, shaking your head. "did you see the start?"

"i heard," he answers just as dino's red car appears on the screen, and he crosses his arms over his chest. "but he's made up ten places already, right?"

"yeah..." you lean your head onto his shoulder with a sigh. "we should focus on the positives. like chris!"

"and like our upcoming race." you can practically hear his grin when he speaks. "i have a good feeling about it."

when you found out that jak was leaving the red bull junior academy last fall, you were heartbroken. he's been one of your closest friends ever since you first met; the two of you have always been joined by the hip, despite how you've never raced in the same series before, and you spent most of your free time either training together or just hanging out. how would you ever get over him leaving you all alone in the academy?

thankfully, pepe joined in the late summer. at first, you were just acquaintances, but something about his personality was too good not to fall for. it didn't take long for him to become one of your closest friends, too. another boy your age, another boy with crazy energy and amazing potential – he filled the void in your heart quite well.

as well as jak's old apartment.

you'd raced each other in f3 last season, though barely ever crossed paths or talked. but living next to each other, doing all of your sim work together, and now even being on the same team meant that your relationship went from zero to one hundred in just days.

this season is your first with campos, while he's been with the team for several years already, and so far he's been very good at helping you get used to everything off track. they took a big chance choosing two rookies for their lineup, and the two of you promised each other to do your best to make them satisfied with their choice. so far, you've gotten one third and eight place in your first-ever f2 race – and you're just getting started.

"i do, too," you hum. "let's go out there and show them today."

paul is beaming when you see him stroll back to the paddock after his media duties. his cap is perched on top of his head – the right cap, finally – and his fingers are still tightly wrapped around the neck of his champagne bottle. when he notices you leaning against the doorframe leading into the f2 hospitality, his smile grows even bigger.

you meet him halfway, arms wrapping around his shoulders easily, just like they have so many times before. one of his arms drapes around your waist and he holds you close, a hum vibrating from his chest. finally, he thinks to himself; this definitely makes up for all of the things he felt yesterday.

"congrats, paul," you tell him. "that was amazing. you were amazing."

"thank you," he says before pausing. then, he lets out a chuckle. "to be honest, i wasn't sure if you would care."

you frown at him when you pull slightly away from him, just enough to look into his eyes. is that what he really thought? that you wouldn't care about his driving? "oh, please. you still mean a lot to me, okay?" your hand moves down to his upper arm, giving it a soft squeeze. "i still consider you to be one of my closest friends."

friends. the word stings like a knife in his heart. it's been months since you broke up, and yet, it still feels like a raw wound.

paul forces a smile. he understands that despite how painful it is, there's something good in it. there's still a place for him in your heart, even if he's forced to share it with someone else.

he pulls you in again, and the hug is even tighter now than before. it's a comforting feeling; you're both at peace, with a good weekend behind you, in the arms of someone so close to you. after everything you've gone through together, but especially everything he has gone through these last few months with the mercedes academy and prema, you're finally through to the other side. "it all worked out in the end, huh?" you ask after a few moments of silence.

"i guess it did." you part from each other to leave that oh-so-familiar gap between you yet again. "will you be celebrating with us tonight? i think pepe had something planned. you know how he is."

you snort. "yeah, i do know. maybe i will." you shift uncomfortably, crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes dart to the ground. "but, um... i'll have to check with..."

you don't even say his name – you don't have to. ollie's entire weekend has been so far from everyone's expectations, and if you know him correctly, he will not be in the mood for celebrations tonight.

paul nods slowly, pressing his lips into a thin line. "right."

the silence that follows is so awkward you can't help but chew on your bottom lip, a tiny sigh escaping through your mouth. he must be hating this, you think – today is supposed to be only a good day for him, he shouldn't have his ex's new relationship pushed up in his face.

"well, i have a debrief to get to," you make up, flashing him a quick smile. "congrats again, paul."

"thank you." he gives you another nod, before turning away and making his way towards the paddock. "pepe will text you!"

and just like that, he's off, and your mind wanders to the thought of actually going out to celebrate. ollie will definitely not join you, though you're not sure why you don't want to go without him. is it because you'd rather stay and comfort him?

or is it because you're scared of what you'll do, or feel, when you're alone with paul for the first time since you broke up?

"p5 is still good, my dear." your mom's voice booms out from the speakers of your phone as you drop it onto the desk, and you can't help but let out a sigh, taking a step back.

"of course, but... i feel like i could've done more." it was both true and not; with paul's five-second penalty, you definitely could've gained at least one more position if only you had stayed within that gap. but then again, a fifth position and ten more points was a great result for a rookie.

"but you'll still be going out to celebrate with your friends, right?"

you ended up telling pepe you weren't in the mood to party, despite his persistent complaints, and decided to instead use the evening for relaxation and recovery. your entire body, especially your neck, has really suffered this weekend – you were already sore after the shakedown, but this is on another level – so a bubble bath and a good night's sleep in your hotel room seemed like a much better choice.

"no, i'm just going to rest a little..." you hum, flopping down on the chair by the desk. "maybe grab something to eat with ollie."

weirdly enough, you haven't been able to get in contact with him all evening. you were told that he hurried back to his hotel room right after the race, not in the mood to talk to anyone on the team at all, so you chose to give him some time alone to cool down before you'll eventually go over there. still, you thought he would've answered at least one of your many texts by now.

thinking about your boyfriend, you suddenly remember something. "hey, mum?" she lets out an affirmative sound. "you remember when i was home last time, and dad said something about ollie and the car? and he acted all weird?" you pause for a moment, but when she doesn't say anything, you keep going. "what was that all about?"

"well darling, we..." you take the sudden silence as a sign that she might not be sure how honest she wants to be right now, and it makes you frown instinctively. she sighs. "we're just a little worried about him, that's all."

your confusion only grows. "what's that supposed to mean?"

"we're worried he's feeling too pressured to impress us." you hear her take a deep breath. "of course, your father is his boss, so it is natural in that way. but we wish he would just see us as any regular parents. he's always talking about racing like there's nothing else in the world, and..."

"that's not fair." you shake your head despite the fact that she can't see it. "that isn't him. he isn't all racing and no fun."

"oh love, i'm sure he is loads of fun, but-"

"i really have to go," you cut her off, standing from your seat. "talk to you later."

you hang up before she can even answer, the guilt in your head from treating your mother like that already pushed away by the anger growing inside of you.

you always assumed your parents loved ollie. sure, you knew they adored having paul over when you were still a couple, too, but ollie is every mother-in-law's dream son. he's from your country, he's a pure sweetheart, he's even in the fda for god's sake. how could they not love him?

and so what if he tries to impress them? who wouldn't do the same?

when ollie opens his door for you, he looks like he's just woken up from a bad night's sleep. bed head, bags under his eyes, and just a general aura of tiredness. if you didn't know better, you'd think he was an insomniac. but thinking back to how badly his race went, the sight of him just makes your stomach churn.

your arms wrap around his neck in an instant, pulling him into your warm embrace. you feel the tension in his upper back release right away, and ollie's hands find your sides, giving you a light squeeze. you refrain the urge to pull away when he nuzzles his nose into your neck, standing strong against your usual ticklishness, and your heart softens slightly when he lets out a deep sigh into your skin.

"you okay?" you finally manage to get out, and his answer comes in the form of a nod against your shoulder. "is there anything i can do for you?"

he pulls away but stays so close that you feel his breath against your face; so close that you're both slightly cross-eyed when your gazes meet. "stay with me?"

your answer is expressed through the fleeting kiss you press to his lips, your way of saying of course. ollie doesn't waste any time pulling you into his hotel room, and you flop down onto the bed with him. he sits up and watches you lie down against the covers, your head nestling into the pillow. "tell me about your race," he says as he reaches down to take your hand, his fingers slipping in between yours. "eight positions gained, huh?"

of course he doesn't want to talk about his own race. but the fact that he's willing to think about racing at all, just to let you have a chance to talk about how well you did and boast a little; it all makes your heart flutter.

and you're sure, you're so sure that he is so much more than just a racing driver. he's not what your parents think he is. he's an incredible racer, sure, but he's also the sweetest man you've ever met. the perfect boyfriend.

even when he's feeling like this, he takes his time to still pay attention to you and ask questions. and then he listens, he really listens, because he wants to understand every inch of your mind just as well as he geeks out about every detail of apexes and tyre degradation. and then he says just the right things, the things to sweep you off your feet yet again.

he's so perfect that he's incredibly easy to love.

so why is there a knot in your stomach at the thought of the race – and more specifically, the person on the last step of the podium?

why does your mind keep running back to how he's celebrating, and what it would be like if you'd been there with him?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername double pookie podiums & good points in the bag! thanks camposracing for a great car ❤️ we go again in a week!

show all 81 comments

user top job this weekend!!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user i will stop hating on red bull if either of these get into f1

→ user red bull juniors >>> anyone else

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user what happened to ollie though 😭

→ user it's just the first round, calm your horses

→ user why always bring up ollie on her posts... is that all she is, ollie's gf? 😐

→ user forreeaaalll

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

redbulljuniorteam y/n and pepe making us proud 🥺

→ user pls admin you're making me cry

→ yourusername me too 😭

[coveredinsun]

what i think about sometimes is that it’s lowkey crazy that it took 130 years for an eldest girl vs. younger boy succession conflict to break out into Actual War among the targaryens. i mean, in every single generation after the conqueror’s sons (in which there were no daughters at all) the eldest child of that generation had always been a daughter, but their inheritance was never formally scorned until rhaenys.

firstly, rhaena was aenys i’s eldest child, but she was quickly married off to her brother, not necessarily with the explicit intention to prevent a succession conflict, but prevention was a result; it made for a simple father-son succession with a built in queen consort.

of the next generation, there were 2 daughters elder than jaehaerys’ eldest male child aegon (who died as an infant and actually left a presumed female heir for a few years, daenerys!): aerea and rhaella. rhaella was sent away to be a septa, but aerea was even proclaimed heir! her claim against jaehaerys, like rhaenyra and daemon later, was a matter of king’s daughter vs. king’s brother. however, her inheritance was unofficially spurned, and with less publicity and outcry than rhaenys, because A) her father aegon “the uncrowned” was, as his nickname implies, never officially crowned king; and B) she was proclaimed heir by maegor, which left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. but jaehaerys was indeed chosen over her because of the male primogeniture that put viserys over rhaenys! and rhaena, her mother, held a valid resentment over that.

and then finally after jaehaerys is crowned king and has ruled for a little while, he actually has an eldest female heir, daenaerys, for ~6 years—and her mother alyssanne specifically contended for her right to be heir! but then she dies, and jaehaerys gets an uncontroversial male heir, AND a uncontroversial male backup. but then both of those male heirs die, and like 4 of their daughters die/run away/are sent away in rapid succession (alyssa, daella, viserra, saera, maegelle) and suddenly there are TWO possible options for jaehaerys’ children, so he turns to his children’s children, and we all know how it goes.

TLDR: the dance of the dragons was not the first succession conflict based on gender. it is simply the only one that did not have a clean “wrap up” (sorry for such an insensitive turn of phrase), and thus turned into a war. targaryen women have been spurned since day 1, but it was never officially ordained until rhaenys, and never viciously fought over until rhaenyra.

[yandereunsolved]

˗ˏˋ Yandere Concept ´ˎ˗

Yandere Podcaster — Amos Emerie (he/him)

English / • 27 • / Bisexual / Multilingual

Height: 5'9" He wears boots that make him 5'11" because he's insecure about his height.

Language(s): English, Polish, & Sign Language

╰┈➤ He comes from the sleepy town of Holy Springs. A town filled with yanderes, most supernatural, all downright disturbing. He's one of the few humans that have made their way into this town. It's so small enchanted that it isn't on any maps. Less than a hundred living beings make their home here. The population rests around a thousand. 

╰┈➤ Holy Springs — It's a safe haven for outcasts and entities that would be shunned by any major religion. It is also one of the most dangerous places to live for humans.

╰┈➤ He's the seer of the town. He foretells any new arrivals or conflicts that are to happen. He's the first to learn of readers arrival to their cozy town. He's the first to fall for them and see all of the attention they'll attract. However, that's a vision for another day.

╰┈➤ He runs a podcast called Yandere Unsolved. It's labeled as a true crime podcast and is one of the most listened to in the country. What most listeners don't know is that the podcast was really just a way for yanderes to place bets on who would kill who for their darling. At the end of each episode, he lists off the people who contribute to his podcast—the codenames of who won and lost what bets. What a coincidence that reader really enjoys his podcast. You'll both have so much to talk about when you arrive.

╰┈➤ He lives in a two-bedroom apartment with his roommate, who's a ghoul. Often times, he has to temporarily leave because he cannot stand the sound of his roommate chewing on another human carcass. Amos doesn't understand why he can't be more tidy about his kills. He just wants one night of full sleep without hearing the tortured screams of his roommates victims. His roommate is a bit of a glutton, in more ways than one.

╰┈➤ One sibling — He has a deaf older brother who doesn't live in Holy Springs. His older brother lives in France with his husband and two kids. That's how Amos learned sign language when he was younger. It comes in handy considering some of the residents here don't speak any identifiable language or just cannot speak for whatever reason. So he's able to communicate with them this way.

╰┈➤ Parents — His mother and father still live in the rural town they grew up in. Both he and his brother visit them in the summer and on holidays. Amos speaks little about Holy Springs and keeps it vague. He doesn't want to accidentally attract a spirit from the town to haunt his family by uttering the name. He also never allows them to visit him. He says it's because his apartment is too small for all of them, and there aren't any hotels in Holy Springs. There is one, but it's run by a notoriously mischievous demon who knows how to make people give up their souls. The last thing he needs is someone in his family making a deal with that devil.

╰┈➤ Friends — One of his closest friends hails from Poland. They were a foreign exchange student whom his family hosted. He's kept in good touch with them over the years and has picked up much of the language. He doesn't speak it unless he's in Poland visiting them, so his fluency in it is a bit rusty. He's mostly introverted, especially with how the town isolates you, so they're really his only friend. Except for you, you're basically already his spouse, so you can't really count as his friend.

╰┈➤ He has absolutely awful self-esteem. He's the seer of the town, and he runs a podcast that is really just radio gambling for yanderes, and yet he still feels like a perverted loser. He can speak confidently, but he doesn't feel like it. He still feels like the same kid who ended up getting a restraining order from his crush in high school. So what if he had been stealing pairs of their underwear and taking photos of them without their consent? He saw it in the future. He thought he was meant to be with them. It turns out that they just looked like you. It was really you who he saw in those visions. Unfortunately, the future has a way of changing your destination right before you reach it. No worries! He'll just make sure that you are his, no matter what.

╰┈➤ Infatuation — He's a very subtle yandere until he has his darling trapped. He sees himself as a protector and a safe heaven for you, both from the world and the horrors within the seemingly normal town. Due to the fact that he saw you in his visions, he believes it to be a divine intervention that you both met. He's extremely needy and stakerish. He's ashamed of his perversions and does everything he can to make sure you don't find out about them. He isn't broke, but he isn't rich either. He wins some and loses some when he gambles with other yanderes. He's truly worried about others becoming obsessively inclined toward you. He doesn't have the ability to kill a person; at least he doesn't think so. He wouldn't kill someone unless you asked him to. He's too afraid you'd hate him for it.

full headcanons soon?

[spooky-pop]

Wait, what's something you REALLY enjoy about Ivy and Oakley? I love them both a lot, you are so good at just making characters and its just AAagISBSJDJKD

Thank you so much!! I feel like I could talk about my characters all day haha, so it makes me happy that some of you like them and do want to know more about them!

I just love the both of these characters so much they feel like they are my own kids LMAO. I love exploring their dynamic as siblings because as a younger sister, I've been there when it comes to not getting along to growing up and becoming inseparable friends.

It's fun exploring Ivy and Oakley's characters because there are 5 years between them, and bringing a new baby into the mix isn't easy for most kids. Heck, my brother threw hands at me when I came home from the hospital haha!

I'd have to say one of my favorite things about them are their differences, they sort of switch roles as small kids into adulthood. Ivy is wild and high energy as a child, where Oakley keeps to himself because he's sucked into his hobbies. As teens and adults, Ivy becomes reserved, overthinking about her future and of course feeling pressure as the oldest child. Oakley fully embraces his future on the other hand, and carries himself with pride and happiness as he is very outgoing and starts putting himself out there as a stage performer. But taking it back to when they were kids, I thoroughly enjoy building their sibling relationship. Ivy was not happy about not being an only child anymore, and even though it's in a troll's nature to love and share with ease, that did not happen with Ivy. She did NOT want to share her parents, and was unhappy about not having their time to herself. Of course Oakley had no control over that, poor thing was just born haha. Poppy is patient and takes her time to teach them both that they are friends and that sharing is what they are all about. That certainly wasn't easy, because so much chaos brewed up between the kids and their conflict that Branch REALLY had to teach himself how to be a patient father. He spent a lot of one on one time with Ivy after Oakley entered the picture because he knew how important it was to help her still feel like she had a place, and a role as a big sister. Ivy and Oakley may have fought a lot as kids but eventually they became important figures in each other's lives, and lean on each other for encouragement and support as they navigate their futures.

I rambled oops. But again, love to talk about my characters HAHA.

[neonsharky]

Mk1 Ninja HCs

I like to think Tomas is the 3rd tallest in the Mk1 roster! Right behind Havik at 6'11 and Geras an impossibly tall 7'0 (I know it's no where near shown like this in game but it's just silly HCs.)

Headcanons below, mostly Lin Kuei brother stuff but added my beloved syzoth <3

Syzoth (compared to Tomas) is the second tallest of the Mk1 ninjas. Tomas has told Kuai and Bi-Han stories of Syzoth, slight rambles of his appreciation towards him. But when Bi-Han and Kuai met him they were a little surprised. Bi-Han more angered than anything else but Kuai was fascinated.

Though Tomas likes to tease him for being shorter, Syzoth doesn't mind it whatsoever. In his Zatteran form (is 8'0 in my HCs), he's average but calculating that to his human form makes him taller than average of a human guy.

Syzoth seems shorter than he actually is, he usually hunches into himself, not put of anything like anxiety or something, simply because of how his Zatteran form is naturally hunched. He finds it awkward to stand up straight sometimes but starts doing it to fix his back aches in his human form, wanting nothing more than to stop the annoying sting in his human form's spine.

Though Tomas is the baby brother between the Lin Kuei brothers, he's the tallest. A gentle giant when he isn't fighting (not babying) but certainly is aware of how intimidating his height can be while fighting. He probably used his height to stand tall over Kung Lao to play the role of a thug, making him a little more convincing.

Kuai and Bi-Han are still tall men, don't get me wrong, but Bi-Han is still the shortest brother. I like to think that was a gene passed down by his grandpa of all people and it wasn't apparent in his father. Could possibly create more conflict in his head.

Kuai always teased Tomas and Bi-Han for being short when they were young. Never bullying them though, simple playful fun as the middle child that stood taller than them both. Although Tomas was a small boy when he was taken in, barely up to his other brothers shoulders around his 5 year younger age gap.

Then Tomas shot up in height above them both, when he was a tween and Bi-Han and Kuai Liang being teens. It just got worse when they stopped growing but Tomas didn't, growing a good couple of inches over them.

[discoscoob]

YOUNG DONNIE BARKSDALE HEADCANONS

ִ ˙ ✩°˖🍂⋆｡˚ Note: contains upsetting and distressing themes involving teen suicide, murder, abuse and parental neglect. This is angsty as hell, fellas :(

Note ii: I do not intend to romanticise or excuse any of the following, these are merely thoughts and ideas inspired works of fiction. I do not support or defend men like Donnie in the real world. If you think the following will be upsetting or triggering, I strongly advice not reading. You are responsible for your own choices. Thank you!

I’m using Keanu’s character Matt from the film River’s Edge as inspiration and a template for my headcanons for young Donnie Barksdale.

Family Dynamics

➤ Donnie never had a proper father figure in his life growing up and he never knew his real father.

➤ His mother suffered with alcoholism, leading to her neglecting him and his younger siblings.

➤ She would drift between different relationships, often with toxic boyfriends that Donnie would frequently get into verbal or physical fights with in an attempt to defend/protect his mother and younger siblings.

➤ As the oldest sibling, he felt responsible and pressured to fulfill a paternal role for his younger sister and brother.

➤ Prematurely stepping into this paternal role, without any healthy or positive guidance to draw from, meant Donnie didn’t possess the emotional maturity needed in order to fill that role properly.

➤ Donnie received little to no experience of healthy discipline himself growing up, which resulted in him mimicking the only discipline he ever experienced, which came from his mother’s toxic boyfriends.

➤ His first experience of using violence and aggression as a form of control and punishment began with his younger brother.

➤ When his younger brother started heading into a rebellious and reckless phase, without any sign of growing out of it, Donnie attempted to take control of his behaviour by using violence and aggression.

➤ Donnie’s softer side came out towards his little sister, the youngest sibling. He tried to be more protective and nurturing towards her. Despite his intentions being good natured, his attempts to overcompensate for the emotional and physical neglect she faced from their mother, lead to his protectiveness over his sister to become increasingly more controlling.

➤ This overprotectiveness would later extended to his romantic relationships with women and evolve into more possessive and controlling behaviour.

➤ Because Donnie never had a proper, healthy role model to look up to, he was never taught how to properly manage his emotions, leading to an inability to manage conflicts healthily.

His Friends Influence

➤ Donnie’s high school friend group became the only male influences in his life he had any positive association with. His friends were the only thing he had to fill the emotional voids within his life, this made the sense of brotherhood he felt he had developed with them incredibly sacred to him, something which he would protect no matter what.

➤ His loyalty to his friends was put to the ultimate test when one of his friends, John, murdered his girlfriend, Jamie. Donnie was pressured by his friend group to stay quiet in order to protect John.

➤ This had an everlasting detrimental impact to Donnie’s moral compass and desensitise him to violence, especially violence against women.

➤ The fear of losing the only sense of belonging he ever had on top of his fear of abandonment was enough to convince him to overlook John’s crime.

➤ This is the point in Donnie’s life where loyalty vs betrayal became more important to him than right vs wrong.

Prospects and Substance Abuse

➤ Struggling in school would often lead to Donnie skipping class or not showing up to school altogether. His poor performance in high school, on top of the poor amount of opportunities in his rural town, left Donnie with very few options.

➤ Donnie was already pretty disillusioned by life at a relatively young age, due to the lack of opportunities in his rural town and any dream of escapism he had seemed unattainable.

➤ He would smoke weed with his friends when they skipped school and when Donnie became older and accepted any, usually low-paying and physically demanding, job he could find, he would turn to alcohol and other harder substances as a coping mechanisms and a form of escapism.

➤ His drinking and substance abuse would only contribute to his violent and abusive behaviour.

His Sister’s Suicide

➤ Matt was in his mid to late twenties when his little sister took her own life. She was still only a teenager. She was struggling to cope with her own issues that developed from growing up within her toxic and dysfunctional family dynamic.

➤ At this point in his life, Donnie was already struggling with alcoholism and substance abuse as a coping mechanisms for his unfulfilling life, but it would become far worse after losing his sister.

➤ None of his romantic relationships were ever healthy, thanks to a combination of factors such as his abandonment issues, his relationship with violence and his inability to handle his emotions in a healthy manner (to name a few.)

➤ Most of his relationships failed because any potential threat to the relationship or lack of control triggered his anger and insecurities, usually caused by his jealousy or controlling behaviour.

➤ But losing his sister only worsened his toxic and unhealthy behaviour within his romantic relationships.

➤ He would cling tighter to his partners than ever before and that would manifest as manipulation and control. He would isolate his partner from their friends and family, forcing them to be completely reliant on him. Any hint of disloyalty or emotional distance from his partner would trigger violent outbursts.

➤ Donnie views his sister’s death as another one of his failures in life. Blaming himself for not protecting her enough, even though his protection of her had already developed into something that was toxic and overbearing, unknowingly contributing to the number of issues his sister was struggling to cope with.

➤ Donnie always perceived his intentions towards his sister to be good natured, as that’s how they began and honestly she was the one person he genuinely loved the most. Although he never learnt how to nurture and maintain healthy feelings and emotions, resulting in them all becoming warped and toxic. In his mind, he never hurt his sister or contributed to her turmoil.

➤ Therefore, when she took her own life, part of him saw it as a betrayal after all the sacrifices he made to protect her.

➤ The fragile relationship Donnie developed with masculinity, due to the major influences from his high school friends, his mother’s toxic boyfriend’s and the old rural town’s dated attitudes, left him unable to process his grief in a healthy manner—perceiving sadness as weakness. His grief would instead be channelled in bouts of uncontrollable anger and deep, depressive episodes.

Jamie and Jessica parallels

➤ When Jessica’s body is pulled from Donnie’s lake, it gives him flashbacks to seeing Jamie’s body at the river’s edge.

➤ When Donnie becomes a suspect and later charged with Jessica’s murder, questions about his involvement in Jamie’s murder resurface.