#like Please i feel like we're not asking for a lot
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ssentimentals · 2 days ago
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Minghao + suggestive prompt 8 please. Love your writing style, thankyouu ♡
hi anon, happy that you're loving the drabbles :) thank you for requesting! 💜 hopefully you will like it!
suggestive prompt: 'don't give me that look.'
'this would look so good on you!' minghao thrusted up several dresses in your hands. 'now go and change.'
'what about you?' you asked, unsure. first time shopping with your boyfriend made you nervous. 'go and check men section while i'm changing.'
minghao shook his head, sending you a reassuring smile. 'it's okay, let's first finish with you.'
you nod, going to the changing rooms with bunch of clothes in your hands. it'd be hard to call you a fashion enthusiast, but shopping with minghao sounded like such an exciting idea that you agreed immediately and you could see why - while you went and chose clothes from your usual style, minghao picked something completely different on which you'd never look on your own. wanting to appease to him, you changed first into one of the dresses of his choice, not recognizing yourself in the mirror. you never went for more open things in general, not out of modesty but more of them not being your style, but the slit on the leg of this dress made you look... dare you say, sexy. the 'i did a double take' kind of beautiful. it felt good - you smiled, albeit a bit out of your element and walked out to patiently waiting minghao. he was on his phone but at the sound of footsteps he looked up and froze with his jaw open at the sight of you.
'what do you think?' you asked, trying to sound more flirty than insecure. yes, you two are together but you still had hard time believing in it. 'i think it's alright.'
minghao swallowed. 'it's not alright,' he said strongly, coming up closer. 'it's gorgeous, my dear. you are utterly gorgeous.'
minghao always complimented you left and right but this one sounded a bit different. and it had a lot to do with his gaze, with the way his eyes roamed on every single inch of your body with a hunger that you never saw before. it made you feel inferior, made you cock your hip a bit to the side, accentuating your waist. minghao's eyes instantly snapped there, intense. this gaze of his started fire in your chest and you gulped, turning away. 'don't give me that look,' you muttered shyly, taking one step back.
'what look?' minghao asked, smirking at the way you bit your lower lip. he chuckled, deciding not to tease you anymore. 'it's hard not to, love. especially when you look like that. but i'll try, yeah? go and try another dress.'
you didn't want to try another dress. you wanted to go somewhere, where minghao could pull you close and whisper everything what he thinks right in your ear, making you moan. minghao could read that in your gaze and before you turned around, he grabbed your wrist: 'or not. go and change, grab this dress and another too - i'll buy them and we're going home, love.'
now that sounded like a good plan you'd gladly follow.
a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini
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reader-lola · 22 hours ago
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Annoying screams
Chris Sturniolo Based on the last video (Making gifts for fans) Warnings: +18, oral (male receives), female masturbation, sexual intercourse, no reference to condom. Let me know if you see any more
Links X: 1 , 2
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You were in your boyfriend Chris's room. You were trying to read, but the screams coming from the kitchen weren't letting you concentrate. You knew your boyfriend was very loud and yelled a lot, but this time he was going overboard. “We're just going to record the invitations for the fans. We won't bother you.”
I missed the first few screams, knowing Chris it was usual for him. But there came a time when all you could hear was him yelling without actually saying anything coherent. I tried to concentrate on the book. I looked through the pages. I dwelled on the rest of the chapter. I repeated the same paragraph I had been reading for 15 minutes until I gave up and closed it. I focused on my phone for the rest of the time. “Hey mom, what are you doing with your phone? Did you finish the book?” Chris's voice brought me out of my trance. I turned off my phone and with a louder voice than expected I faced him. “I tried that, Owen, but by a strange coincidence, a boy kept yelling in the kitchen. I tried to read, but someone made it an impossible task for me. It was impossible because you, young man, NEVER STOP YELLING” “Take it down a notch with me, girl, or I'll have to put you in your place” “No, I'm sorry, you're going to apologize to me for not letting me read, it wasn't that hard to say nice things to your fans instead of yelling at them and, by the way, letting me read” “Okay, you've gone too far, let's see if you're capable of keeping quiet”
Without warning, he grabbed me by the hair and, without any care, he pushed me against the door “Let's see, you yelled at me, you answered me back, and you spoke badly to me. You deserve a punishment” “It's not true, I didn't do that” “And now we add that you lie to me and contradict me. Honey, if you don't want to make it worse, you better shut up.” With one hand he supported my head against the door and with the other he pulled down my pants and thong in the process. Without time to react he put two of his fingers inside me causing a loud moan from me. “You're going to have to shut up if you don't want to be heard. From what I understand Matt and Nick are going to be in the living room watching TV.” His fingers went in and out of my pussy causing me an incredible feeling of pleasure. My legs trembled as I noticed the imminent release, but then his fingers stopped. “No, Chris, please.” “If you ask me like that I'm not going to do anything else.” “Daddy, please.” I whimpered at the need of his fingers dancing inside me. “I told you that you needed a punishment, on your knees.” Without hesitation I got on my knees and as soon as he pulled out his member I didn't hesitate to suck it, choking in the process. His hand grabbed my hair marking the rhythm he had to follow. As I sucked I couldn't help but look up, meeting his blue eyes that gave me a satisfied look, making me feel grateful for being able to eat him. At times I heard small sighs coming out of his lips at the sensation I was feeling. “God, I can't take it anymore.” He pushed me away from his member and in the blink of an eye I had him on top of me. He quickly took off my shirt and mine. He placed his member at my entrance. “I should teach you a lesson and not let you cum,” he said, slowly entering me. I could feel the sensation of his body fitting perfectly with mine. The sensation of his veins entering my interior. “You deserve a punishment for the way you spoke to me. But now I simply need to have you. Feel you.” His thrusts began slowly as I adapted to his size. But they gradually increased in pace. My hands grabbed his back, scratching it as a way of releasing the sensation that was consuming me. Chris' lips traveled to my neck where he started sucking, I'd probably have a mark there tomorrow. “Daddy, I can't take it anymore.” “What do you want?” “Let me cum, please.” “Cum for me, princess.”
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fanfictiongirlie · 1 day ago
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Marvel: Unplanned Chapter Eight
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Parings: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First person written though)
Description:
"It says...it says it's positive doll" His voice matching mine in a quiet shaky whisper.
"Fuck... I'm pregnant?"
"Yeah doll, you're pregnant"
"Fuck" I whisper.
Rating: Explicit
Chapter Warnings: Swearing
Chapter Words: 1,287
(I have the urge for every Marvel fanfic I write to have a seperate timeline where nothing bad happens, and everyone is happy)
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As I hit 28 weeks of pregnancy, the symptoms got worse. My chest hurt and my throat felt like fire. 
"Fuck" I hiss whilst walking into the very busy Avengers kitchen, Bucky were in there, along with most of the Avengers. "Fucking heartburn, Barnes, I hate you" I didn't, but heartburn was probably one of the most horrid feelings ever.
Bucky puts his drink down and looks at me, his expression a mixture of confusion and amusement. 
"Doll, I know you're uncomfortable, but you can't blame me for heartburn" He answers, I look at him glaring. 
"You put a baby in me, it's all your fault" I sneer. Bucky chuckles softly, his expression turning mildly smug. 
"Well doll...I certainly hand a hand in that, but it takes two to make a baby" He teases. 
"Shut up" I say, gagging "Fuck"
Bucky's expression suddenly isn't smut anymore, concern replacing his amusement. I glare at him again but hold my hand out to him. 
"Come on, doctor's appointment...Ready to hear her heartbeat?" I ask, trying to smile. He nods eagerly, a small smile on his lips. 
"Ready to hear our little peanut's heartbeat" He grins, I shake my head at the nickname. We say our goodbyes to the Avengers and make our way to the doctors. The anxiety I felt every time I visited the doctors came, making my heartburn worse, but I soon forgot that when Doctor Addams showed us the heartbeat, the little noise filled the room, and Bucky and I were silent as he listened to the soft fluttering. 
"That's...that's our baby" Bucky whispers. 
"Yeah, that's our girl" 
Bucky's smile widens, his eyes shining with pride and jow, he squeezes my hand. Once we were done in the doctor's office, we decided to do some more baby shopping, we had brought all the main things we needed, but it was still fun to look around the shops. Bucky followed me around the store pushing the shopping cart. 
"What do you think about this little dress? It's pink, your favourite doll" Bucky smirks, holding up a little pink dress. 
"Oh that's so cute" I say, Bucky smiles, pleased I agreed with him, he places the dress into the cart and grabs another item. 
"How about this?" He asks, I look over to see him holding a onesie that reads 'Daddy's girl', he grins looking at me with an excited, hopeful expression.
"Oh my god, yes, we're so getting that, she's going to be such a daddy's girl" I grin. I look around, looking at different items when I see a frog plus, I pick it up and show Bucky. 
"She needs this" I say, Bucky raises an eyebrow at me. 
"A frog?"
"Yeah, baby girl needs a froggie plush" I say, my reasoning silly, but it was the cutest toy. We continue looking around, grabbing more clothes here and there, a few toys for when she's a toddler. 
"Hey Bucks, I thought of a name,..." I say quietly. Bucky's eyes light up as he looks at me. 
"You thought of a name? Tell me love" He smiles, I shiver slightly at his pet name and blush. 
"Jamie...after you" I say quietly. I watch as Bucky's expression softens, a small touched smile appears on his lips. 
"Jamie" He says softly. "After me?..You want to name our little girl after me?"
"Maybe, what do you think?"
Bucky takes a moment to answer, his hand looking through a big bin of toys in the store. 
"Jamie...I like it...I like it a lot doll" He smiles, his eyes meeting mine "Jamie Barnes, it's got a nice ring to it" 
"Barnes?" I question, smirking "So sure she'll have your last name, not mine?
"It's tradition for the baby to take the father's name, ain't it?" He asks, grinning. 
"Maybe back in your day" I smirk playfully. He rolls his eyes, matching my playful smirk. 
"No need to make me sound like a fossil, I'm only a hundred and six, thank you very much" He says as he pokes my side. 
"What a completely normal sentence" I joke "Shall we buy these and go home?" I say motioning to the shopping cart. Bucky nods and we buy the items and head back to the compound, we walked to the common room, our bags of stuff still in hand. Sam makes a joke about us buying the whole baby section of the store. 
It was evening time, and we still sat in the common room with everyone, Nat smirked at me as she drank from her glass of wine. 
"God, don't tease me woman" I say, my mouth watering at the glass. 
"Only a few more months" She smirks, taking a large gulp of the wine. 
"Bucks" I say, getting my boyfriend's attention "When I give birth, will you have one of those mini bottles of vodka ready for him?" 
I watch as Bucky raises an eyebrow at me, a mixture of surprise and amusement on his face. 
"Doll, seriously?" He asks, chuckling. 
"Not sure why you're surprised" I say, it wasn't exactly a secret that I enjoyed a drink. 
"You're right" He chuckles, shaking his head. 
We finally decide to go back to our room, we walked into the nursery first, we had painted it pink, and gotten it ready, near enough, we put the things we brought today away. And I sat down on the rocking chair, smiling up at Bucky. 
"Think, in a few months I'll be sitting here with a baby in my arms" 
Bucky's expression softens at my words, he looks at me as if he were imagining. "Yeah I can picture it.. you'll be a great mama doll, our little girl will be lucky to have you"
"And you, babe" 
"I'll be there for you both, every step of the way... Our little girl is gonna have two parents who love her more than anything" He says, grinning widely. 
"I'm really happy I choice to keep her...I really wasn't sure at the start, but I definitely think I made the right choice" I say quietly, I rest my hand on my bump. 
"I'm really happy too doll, I know it was a tough decision, but I'm glad you choice to keep her, I can't wait to meet our girl" 
"Me neither baby" I whisper "Going back to the name, I really do like Jamie, but I can understand if you don't want to name her after yourself" 
Bucky gazes at me intently, his eyes gentle and sincere. "Doll, I like it, I really like the name Jamie"
"Yeah it does, and no one calls you James anyways, so it wouldn't be too weird, would it?" I ask. Bucky shakes his head, a small chuckle escaping his lips. 
"No, I don't think it'll be weird"
"And I'm willing to let her last name be Barnes, on one condition" I say carefully. 
"Yes darling?" 
"That one day, I'll also get to have the last name Barnes" I say, blushing madly. His eyes widen slightly. 
"Doll, you mean...you want to take my last name one day?" He asks, his voice laced with disbelief. 
"Yeah.. I mean, I'm not ready for marriage any time soon, but one day, I can see myself marrying you" I admit, feeling bashful and silly as I do. 
"I'd like that too doll, someday, one day..I want to marry you, make you all mine, officially" He grins widely, his teeth showing as he walked closer to me. I got up from the rocking chair and stepped close to him.
"Still mental to think, we hated each other" I chuckle. 
"Yeah doll, from hating one another to having a kid together, who would've thought?"
"Not me" I giggle.
(I do not consent my works to be posted anywhere else, by anyone other than myself)
Taglist:
@quinquinquincy @jaybbygrl @wintrsoldrluvr @sebastians-love @learisa @hi172826 @ravennablue @purplecolordeer @a-small-blue-nebula @buckitostan
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deityofproendos · 3 days ago
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"I am all deities in one. You may endeavor your best for thousands of years and have all mankind with you in your search. But you cannot understand My Reality."
Quote stolen from a random quote website
(pt: I am all deities in one. You may endeavor your best for thousands of years and have all mankind with you in your search. But you cannot understand My Reality. End pt)
Welcome, be not afraid.
(pt: Welcome, be not afraid.)
We are the Gods and Goddesses and Deities of the pro endo court, we accept offerings in the form of Pokémon cards and food. (We'll try not to play into the religion joke too much as to not be disrespectful or trigger anyone! ^^)
Other accounts we run: @edible-emerald - Main account @xenomayhem - Xenogender (and other terms) coining account We also have a lot more, feel free to ask :D
Not going to talk much about the mods or the system running it, but we're mixed origins, esogenic, and hexabyssgenic. We're also a plurallet but the label is semi-temporary. Our headcount is at around 11 but expect it to grow!!
What will this account be for? Well, we've wanted to make one for a while but this will be a Build A Headmate blog (or a BAH blog)! What is that, you may ask? Well, often for many systems (such as ourselves) sometimes we split fragments who don't have a full identity yet and need one to 'latch onto' to fully form! It can also be used by willogenic systems and really just anyone who wants to :) ANTI RADQUEER!!
We haven't made a source list yet, just ask and we'll tell you if we know it :) We know a lot of indie animations, and minecraft SMPs, if that helps!
BAH template, tagging system, and other court members under the cut!
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To ask for a BAH request, send in an ask asking for a basic, medium, or detailed pack! Be as specific as you want, or as vague as you want. Your decision! Keep in mind the more detailed you are the longer it will take. If you want anything removed, please let us know!
Here's what's in each pack:
Basic pack:
Name
Pronouns
Gender
Sexuality/orientation
Species
Source (if applicable)
Role
Age
Short description of appearance
Anything else you want us to add!
-- From here, everything added on will not be in the basic pack, but will be in the medium pack.
(pt: From here, everything added on will not be in the basic pack, but will be in the medium pack. end pt)
Personality
Likes
Dislikes
Alterhuman identities
Hobbies
Aesthetic(s)
Faceclaim/Picrew/art (art would be made by us and usually would have to be requested)
-- From here, everything added on will not be in the basic or medium pack, but will be in the detailed pack.
(pt: From here, everything added on will not be in the basic or medium pack, but will be in the detailed pack. end pt)
Pos front triggers
Neg front triggers
Typing quirk
Signoff
Favorite things
--
Tagging system:
#pro endo court - Most things
#deity speaks - Most posts
#reblog - reblogs
#bah/#build a headmate/#bah blog/etc. - BAH requests & BAH related stuff
#syscourse - syscourse posts and reblogs, we won't actively argue with people on this account, but may talk about it occasionally.
#deity syscourse - this is another syscourse tag, but this one is here for easier tag filtering if you don't want to block all syscourse posts.
#off topic - not plurality related, just rambling
#roleplaying - roleplay posts
#deity lore - roleplaying OR general character lore
#pro endo court lore/#court lore - lore of us/other blogs
--
The court:
@queenofproendos
@the-dame-of-endos
@princessofendos
@kingofproendos
@jesterofproendos
@peasantofproendos
@dragonofendos
@baroness-of-endos
@dukeofproendos
@seroftheproendos
@knightofproendos
@darkwizardofproendos
@prince-of-pro-endos
@kitsune-of-pro-endo
@otterofproendos
@lapdogofproendos
@housemaiden-of-pro-endos
@lady-of-endos
@angel-of-pro-endos
@doctor-of-proendos
@scientistofproendos
@outlander-of-endos
@guarddog-of-proendos
@civilianofproendos
@marquessofendos
@magiciansofproendo
@alienofproendos
@thane-of-pro-endos
@the-star-of-pro-endos
@goblinofproendos
@bardofproendos
@catofproendos
@the-fae-of-proendos
@the-archer-of-pro-endos
@crow-of-pro-endos
Send me an ask if i missed you and you want to be added!
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wellthatschaotic · 3 months ago
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agh i am Frustrated :/
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lucabyte · 4 months ago
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
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#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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kyouka-supremacy · 29 days ago
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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spacebubblehomebase · 3 months ago
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hi, just letting you know that ahmed 90s-ghost doesn't verify fundraisers anymore! he quit after it got too overwhelming, so you shouldn't @ him asking him to. you can probably find the post about it by searching his blog.
Thanks for letting me know, Anon...
I get it... I REALLY do.
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I understand. Y'know I used to be so excited to get Asks. It means someone wants to talk about art and silly cartoon characters with me. But now all I feel is dread. Not because I don't want to help, but because the help I give is never enough. I used to privately mesage back to those Asks, but one became 6 became 10 to... Well. I can't donate. Euros and dollars are valued a lot higher here, thus the opposite is also true. The value of our money is but a paltry bread's worth and even if I split it in crumbs, with the amount of people who approach me for help, it'll soon run dry, but I'm just a student who still rely on my parents financially. So I thought I'd share instead, but that quickly got out of hand. I post one thing and get multiple asks by the HOUR. I already had to apologize for struggling to meet demands before and I only had 3 or 6 rare to come-by short Asks about art. Now I have a hundred and counting I have to check personally. I didn't want to admit it, but I've also long been overwhelmed. I just didn't feel like I had the right to say so. I still don't. But the truth is, anyone can say they're verified too, which is terrible because not only will I be partially responsible for my followers who got scammed by bots or scumbags who take advantage of those at war with fake fundraisers, but even worse is that the help and money may not even reach those who actually need it. I thought I would be fine the first time. I don't really like posting too much about our depressing reality or watching news in general because my account was supposed to be a "safe SPACE" and a "nice little BUBBLE" for us to be happy and escape for awhile, so I didn'tmthink much about rebloggingit at first. I only wanted to help. But it just kept going and I got swept away. There's so many of them, but there's only one of me and I've been spiraling lately. So for now, I will no longer take any Asks about this subject (which I always avoid mentioning directly because the algorithm has it out for putting you guys down and I wanted you all to make it so I didn't tag those reblogs with such). I'll still take Asks provided they're related to my actual content and of course I'll still support raising awareness for Pal est ine, yet I also get it if this may appear selfish to some of you. I tried. I really did. But if you'd rather ignore, unfollow, or block me for this decision, I understand. I'm just sorry it had to come to this and that I wasn't strong enough to help more. -Bubs.
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witchwhaat · 5 hours ago
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jensonsbuttons · 5 months ago
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SHELBY!!! hi hello what would you say are your favourite helmet designs? could be jenson ones or just in general! sending you hugs! 🫂
OH MY GOD HOW HAS THIS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG?????????????????????????????
Sebastian Vettel - 2020 Turkey GP. The gay helmet! The gelmet or even galmet as I've heard it called. "No borders, just horizons - only freedom." I loved this one so much PLUS! it's paired with Turkey 2020 which was such a special race with Lewis winning his 7th championship and Seb being on the podium to celebrate. (Plus I woke up at like 4am to watch so it really was one of those races I remember.)
Lewis Hamilton - 2023 Japanese GP. This helmet FUCKS. Light up visor, looks like daft punk AND was made in collaboration with a local artist. IT'S CHROME BABY!
Mick Schumacher - 2022 Japanese GP. THE TEXTURE!!!!! the end.
Sebastian Vettel - 2022 Singapore GP. Listen............it's glow in the dark essentially. Neon and a black background I'm IN.
zhou guanyu - 2022 Abu Dhabi GP. For some reason this helmet has just stuck with me!!!! i absolutely love the design and have for years. the porcelain is just such a cool design.
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meownotgood · 2 years ago
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i love the idea of aki being really strong without seeming like it especially because of his uniform. manhandling or carrying someone with ease and not breaking a sweat. you never really pay too much attention to it until he rolls up his sleeves and you see his forearms or hands. im drooling.
he definitely doesn't look like it. even when he's out of uniform, he's on the leaner side, he isn't crazy muscular. but aki is a lot stronger than he appears, much more than anyone gives him credit for.
dont forget that he regularly beats up guys from division 2 in boxing matches without even trying... he's really quite tough....
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medicinemane · 22 days ago
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months ago
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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stormyoceans · 11 months ago
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Sorry for ranting in your ask box idk if any of this will make sense but I've been thinking if jimmysea do get a series with jojo I really hope it's them as a standalone and not an ensemble. I don't hate other gmm actors (ik ppl want a hia gang drama tbh idrc about that) but seeing the mess during only friends, I don't want jimmysea being subjected to that same discourse especially when they've been bl fandoms punching bags before *war flashbacks of vvs era*.
Not to be confused with me fearing jimmysea will be overshadowed by others or their screentime will diminish when they can definitely hold their own but just for their protection from other fandoms (and for my sanity) I just don't want them in a ensemble but knowing jojo he loves a big ol' cast so we'll see.
i completely understand you on this, anon, we've truly been in the trenches with vice versa just fighting for our life begging people to at least be respectful to jimmysea in their own damn show that i feel like the moment we hear that someone - ANYONE - is gonna be in a show with them we immediately start to have flashbacks of war like you said and PANIC
and i get that only friends didn't really help to calm our worries because those few months were ROUGH. i feel like the only reason i was able to enjoy the show in any way is because i kept my opinions to myself and avoided getting too involved with it outside from reblogging some gifsets, which is kinda the opposite of what a fandom should be imho like. if i have to refrain from actively joining a particular fandom because im afraid the experience is gonna be so negative it will actually affect my personal enjoyment of the show, then that kinda defeats the point of fandom itself. but i digress ;;;;;;;
the thing is. i feel like discourse and disputes between fans can arise regardless of how big a cast is, and while im the first one to recognize i'd rather not have jimmysea share a show with certain actors not because of the actors themselves but because of a particular category of fans of said actors, i also wouldn't want to preclude them any possibility for growth. if that makes sense ;;;;;;
in the end despite all my worries and fears and personal preferences, the most important thing to me is that they're gonna have a new show together in the future. i'd definitely rather have them be the sole focus of it, but if it's gonna be an ensemble cast with multiple pairings then i will just hope for the best and focus all my energies on supporting jimmysea
IF WE GOT WHERE WE ARE WHEN IT WAS ONLY 50 OF US AND WITH THE MOST POPULAR FANDOM AT THE TIME AGAINST JIMMYSEA THEN BY GOD WE CAN WITHSTAND EVERYTHING AND COME OUT OF IT EVEN STRONGER THAN BEFORE
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eclarinet · 4 months ago
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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omegapheromone · 6 months ago
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Misce and Me: Presenting as Omega, First Heat, and The Neck Thing.
OK so this post has been a long time in the making! I may actually start a new tag/post series of my personal experiences with my misce identity and such, and call it "Misce and Me" since it's a cool little title.
The whole idea for this post in the first place started from an offhanded thought of, "my neck being a very sensitive erogenous zone is actually very omega of me, huh?" But I never managed to put it into words since I kept going on tangents and just struggling to explain what I meant in a concise way that could've been made into a short personal post, especially since there's a much longer story there that it ties in to, a sort of contextual "how I realized I have a super sensitive neck/what might've caused it" type thing. I'll have to put some warnings here and the rest of the post will be under the cut both for the sake of length and content. It's nothing explicitly sexual, but does brush on the topic at times.
Warning: some parts of this post will likely mention sexuality/related topics, and contains a lengthy story about a personal experience with a crush from years ago. This post will also likely be a long read, so I'm putting it under the cut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Alright then. Let me get started.
This is an actual IRL thing that happened to me. I'm not mentioning the names of the people involved for obvious reasons.
As I said, originally this post was going to be very short, just a paragraph or two, about how my neck is very sensitive to touch in general and how people touching my neck can be either a fear trigger, or incredibly comforting and/or pleasant, depending on my mood and who is touching me, among other things. I was just going to talk about that at first, but then I realized how it actually ties in to a lot of other things, namely, what I tend to consider my "first heat", and the time that marks me "presenting" as an omega for the first time (i.e. starting to exhibit the traits of my dynamic). It's also a source for some of my personal headcanons regarding omegaverse and/or misce, since it comes from actual personal experiences.
Disclaimer 2: I feel it's necessary to state that all of this happened when both me and the person this is mostly about- someone I had an unrealized crush on- were around the age of 16 or 17. We never dated, and nothing explicit ever happened, but considering we WERE minors at the time (2015/2016ish), I want to be extra clear and state that no consent laws would have been broken in my country even if we HAD dated/anything had happened. Still, I want to keep things vague, especially about the other person, out of respect for privacy. Nobody (save for the person himself, maybe one or two close friends who were present to witness this all at the time, and the handful of people I've recounted this story to afterwards,) would be able to recognize either me or the other person from this.
"Hmm, I hear you, Gamie, but necks ARE erogenous zones for pretty much everyone? Are you sure it's not just that?"
The original topic of this post would have been just a short anecdote of "it's very omega of me to have such a sensitive neck", so let me start by prefacing and expanding on that a little;
My neck is very sensitive to touch, and I have strong reactions whenever it is touched, no matter what kind of touch- medical-related, platonic, romantic affection, or sexual, it's always noticeable, and has to do a lot with who is touching me. For example, medical professionals don't bother me so much since it's usually for a good reason but I do tend to wince/tense up regardless, and while I don't like my family touching my neck, sometimes I'll ask for a shoulder massage and it's unavoidable, so I don't mind too much, even though both cause some minor anxiety, which is likely to do with the fact that I feel vulnerable when my neck is touched. Meanwhile, close friends, or people who are flirting with me (and I'm receptive towards) touching my neck tends to send a lot of mixed signals that are usually pleasant, but also somewhat hesitant/embarrassed (depending on the situation). Partners (romantic/sexual) touching my neck almost always gets a positive reaction though, whether it's just stroking my neck/back of my head or more intimate acts, i.e. kissing etc. Because of the sensitivity, it's almost always a massive distraction and often also a turn-on for me. I tend to consider this to be inherently tied to my identity as an omega, even though it's not necessarily abnormal since necks in general do tend to be sensitive- mine is just a lot more than I assume most others'?
Back when I was around 16, 17 years old and went to high school, I had just started to figure out my gender identity (transmasc) a few years prior, and back then especially, I had this very, very strong feeling that I need to present as masculine as possible so that people will "take my gender identity seriously" instead of just thinking I'm "following a fad" or something. I actually passed as a boy so well that I was only really clocked when teachers would occasionally use the wrong name (deadname) and I'd have to correct them- thankfully, all were understanding about it.
Well, it might be. But to me, I just tend to associate it with being an omega specifically. And maybe mine is a bit more sensitive than usual as I said, though, I haven't exactly experienced living in the body of anyone BUT myself, so I can't say I know for sure. The reason I associate it so strongly with my being an omega has a lot to do with how and when I started REALLY noticing the sensitivity, as it happened around the same time I tend to associate as the time when I "first presented as an omega" and had my first heat. It'd been a thing all my life for sure, but it never felt like an erogenous zone, just a sensitive one, until I was maybe 16 or 17 years old and in (the local equivalent of) high school. I actually figure I'd go into a personal story of mine since I've been wanting to talk about it, just never found the chance to. So, I'm going to tell the misceblr my actual irl story of the time I had a crush and started presenting as an omega around the same time.
This may end up being quite lengthy, so get comfortable, I suppose. I'll start with some background to everything;
Well, in high school, it was also the first time I'd ever had someone flirt with me IRL, since I had been bullied for a long time before that, and had basically zero confidence beyond spite and anger at the people who had made my school years a living hell before then. I wasn't completely blameless either, but looking back now, I realize all my issues with others when I was younger were honestly just caused by my ADHD symptoms, and that went undiagnosed until this year.
The person who flirted with me was a cis guy, who I'd more or less assumed was straight, and so I just brushed it all off as like... oh he's just doing that "dudebro affection" thing, because at the time, I would mainly hang out with guys, and occasionally a few queer/nonbinary/ally friends who mainly were in different classes than my own. So, given that the group both he and I were in WAS mostly straight(ish???) Cis Dudes, I never really saw any of it as more than weird ways of showing affection, when this guy would do stuff like pet my hair or brush his hand against the back of my neck, or find any excuse to touch me in general, usually specifically the neck region (excuses such as, "Oh hey your hair is shorter did you get it cut?" And then touching the back of my neck/base of my skull under the disguise of feeling that "fresh haircut feel" or whatever. Yes, looking back, I was oblivious as hell). This kind of stuff had always made me tense up slightly and sent shivers down my spine, honestly likely because I hadn't ever had anyone touch my neck in a way that wasn't either completely accidental or obviously fully platonic, and it was emotionally difficult to process something that was so new and overwhelming. I used to think I didn't blush easily, but looking back, I'm certain he would've clearly seen me go red in the face from just those touches alone, and if he'd been straight, I imagine he would've commented on it and stopped, instead of persisting. (Also, I later found out he was very likely at least Bi, if not gay, but at that point we had already lost contact, sadly)
At some point during the fall semester, I had gone to school extremely tired, having a bad hair day, feeling sleep deprived and grumpy, probably about to get my period or something and hence even more irritable than usual. I was on time for class and went in, sat in the middle seats, next to some girls I knew well enough but weren't REALLY friends with, mainly because none of the guys I USUALLY sat with in this class had arrived yet, and I thought they might've been skipping class anyway. They eventually arrive after class has already started, and the guy who had been making advances towards me walks past to go to the back row seats (as usual) but on the way, he reaches towards me in an attempt to pet my hair/pat my head or something, a gesture he did often, and I actually usually enjoyed, however, this time I was worried about my hair, since I'd spent an hour trying to get it to look decent, and the amount of hairspray I'd used was probably not very healthy for my lungs (ah, my pop punk quirky phase was... something)- So as he touches my head, I send a sideways glare at him out of annoyance, maybe pushed his hand away as well if I recall correctly. Only- I'd already been in a bad mood all morning, and my glare must've been exceptionally cold, because his expression kind of dropped, and he hurried to his seat. I didn't think much of it at first, I'd rejected touches like that on occasion before and shown some frustration in the past when I'd been in a bad mood, and though he'd avoid me for a bit to let me cool off, he would always end up talking to me again in a day or two at least. This time, though, was a bit different.
I feel that I first "presented" as an Omega, somewhat tied to all of this happening with me and that guy, around that age. I had of course been aware of the omegaverse trope for a long time- I mean, I grew up reading fanfic, so duh- and to some degree related to (omegaverse), but didn't REALLY look for fics etc themed around it specifically. This guy, I won't describe him too much beyond that he was a bit taller than me and had a bit of a "skater guy" type style + would ride his skateboard around the halls no matter how much teachers told him to stop lmao. I never felt that he was "my type" in particular, but we clicked well with similar senses of humour and overall he was a comfortable presence in a way I hadn't really experienced before, especially since I'd dealt with so many bullies pretending to be friendly only to mock me later, but he was never like that at all, even when I was paranoid and pushed him away because I feared he WAS. He was also very touchy with me, as I already explained, and a lot of it adds up to me now as courting behaviors, and I do fully think thay if he were misce he'd almost certainly identify as an alpha.
But, anyway- looking back, there was a point in time when I started realizing that this guy probably was flirting with me- it didn't FULLY hit me until years later though, and when I first started suspecting it, it was more like a vague feeling that I couldn't fully confirm. It was actually a specific instance/situation that happened between me and him that finally clued me in and made me consider the possibility, and this instance is what I actually tend to think probably triggered my first heat too, so I'll talk briefly about that, but I also need to give some context of what had happened before;
It was some time around or just before the winter/christmas holidays, one of the last days of school before break, when we went to like, an art gallery or something similar- neither of us wanted to attend the church service since neither of us considered ourselves believers of the christian faith most common here anyway, AND it was a LOT more fun to look at some pop art than to sit in a church listening to some guy talk about jesus and whatnot. I had actually heard he woulf be going to the gallery so to some degree, I had planned to confront him there- I also figured that there would likely be some group/pair exercises, so I was able to use that opportunity to spend a bit of time around him and engage in some playful banter and joking around just like we had been, before I'd unintentionally given him the coldest death-glare fuelled by a lack of caffeine known to man. At first, he came across as really nervous and flighty, but I made sure to just be casual and joke around normally, to try and show him that he didn't need to fear interacting with me- I still don't know why it had been so upsetting to him at the time to be honest- maybe he was scared I was rejecting him or something- and why he had put so much energy in avoiding me, but honestly, seeing him relax slowly and realize that I truly had not meant to make him think I'd suddenly started hating his guts when I'd just woken up grumpy that day, and that there was no need to avoid me like that, considering I was treating him completely normally, if not even more friendly than before.
He avoided me for months. Even when we HAD TO share a class or were hanging out with the same friends (who in hindsight must've been going insane just watching this dumb af back-and-forth of me being oblivious and the guy being obvious). It actually genuinely confused me- I only figured later on what had caused it (my glare), and when I did, I started to try and look for ways to show him that I didn't hate him nor was I mad or upset at him, but he would quite literally slip away at the first possible chance, so I never was able to talk to him one-on-one enough, until a month or two at least had passed.
Anyway, after the art gallery tour ended, we were standing in the lobby of the building it was hosted in, chatting a bit, since I had finally been able to talk to him and things seemed to be back to normal. We had obviously missed on a month's worth of hanging out and chatting at school, after all, so I imagine the both of us were really relieved and happy to have things be alright again.
Now, Back then, I was in a strange quirky tumblr-influenced half-emo half-pop-punk phase where I would incorporate stuff from other styles and aesthetics kind of randomly as I saw fit, and at that specific time, I'd been really into steampunk-y stuff, and had taken to wearing these steampunk goggles I'd bought at some point either as a headband, or more commonly, around my neck, like a necklace, because I was 16-17ish and thought it was Cool And Different™ (year was like, 2015/2016? I think?) And I was having a very weird phase back then anyway... Well, he notices the goggles and comments on them and asks if he can take a closer look at said goggles, I say, oh sure yeah!, fully expecting him to wait for me to take them off and hand them to him to look, since, you know, at that age I was EMBARRASSINGLY oblivious, and genuinely thought he was actually interested in looking at the goggles (this one goes out for all the autistic friends I have who keep telling me I'm autistic. Maybe you're right.(/hj))
Instead, he grabs the goggles and pulls ME closer. By the neck. Not like, in a way that chokes me or hurt me in any way, more like a gentle tug- the goggles had an elastic band, so it was more like a slight tugging sensation at the back of my neck that made me take a step forwards and lean in- plus, he did it slowly enough that it wasn't like a sudden yank but more like a gentle, persistent tug. I could have very easily pulled back and told him I'd take them off so he could look, but honestly, I was a bit too mesmerized and didn't actually WANT to step away anyway. Yeah, it's cliché as hell now that I think about it- It's like a fanfic trope come to life, yknow, like pulling someone closer by their tie or whatever? But somehow real life. I was so surprised in the moment- not unpleasantly, but just, completely DID NOT expect to suddenly be barely a few inches away from his face (if that!) all of a sudden so I just completely freeze in place, confused and just baffled at the situation. In that moment I felt a lot of mixed feelings and signals, none bad, just very confused, because to ME it was very sudden and unexpected considering my utter obliviousness to all the previous moves he'd made on me. I think that was the point when I finally started suspecting that maaaaybe he had been flirting with me- or at least trying to test the waters with me, so to speak- this whole time (and even so, was in denial for years afterwards lmao- to this day I wonder if maybe I'm just reading into it too much and he honestly WAS just a dude being a bro and actually interested in the goggles after all). Honestly, to him, I must've looked truly ridiculous, wide-eyed, shocked/surprised expression, kinda frozen in place and not knowing what to do, and DEFINITELY blushing.
And to be honest my memory of the moment isn't the clearest because I was well and truly frozen like a deer in the headlights. All I remember is how the surprise felt like a bucket of ice water being poured over me because I didn't even dare to breathe at first, frozen in place and not knowing what to expect, and then melting really fast because I started feeling very dizzy and warm when my brain caught on (I imagine the realization made me blush, and that would have been the feeling of warmth or 'melting' as I put it). He DEFINITELY stayed like that way longer than necessary, just gently 'looking at the goggles' as though they were the most interesting object in the world- or, again, maybe they were, and I just FELT like the moment went on forever.
Anyway, nowadays, when I think of my life with the context of my misce identity, I tend to feel that this was the thing that triggered my first heat, because I remember that on our walk back to school, I'd started feeling strangely hot, sweaty and shaky, like, literally trembling afterwards- I felt hazy, almost feverish, and couldn't stop thinking about that moment at all (I think I explained what happened to an IRL friend and they just stared at me in confusion, like, "okay and???" As if it was not a big deal at all). Our school day was a lot shorter that day, because it was around the holidays, and I was so utterly confused about everything that the rest of the day is a complete blur to me, I barely remember getting a happy holidays type card from this other person who had kind of been pursuing me (which is an entirely different story) and some presents from friends. Iirc, I basically bolted home from school at the first opportunity, though iirc the guy (the one this whole thing has been about) also left me a card of some kind, but honestly at that point I was way too mushy-brained to retain many memories. I don't really even remember what happened when I got back home, but knowing me, and how I am when in heat, I can make a few educated guesses which I won't share.
Anyhow, I tend to think of that day as the day I'd had my first "heat" as an omega, because I remember feeling really warm, shaky, and just, all kinds of feelings. Honestly, at the time, I wasn't sure of my own feelings for him because I was just kind of confused about everything and still figuring it all out- I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to romance, anyway, but looking back, I'm pretty damn sure I'd had a crush on him for quite a while as well, otherwise I wouldn't have been so sad and disappointed that he started avoiding me after I glared at him, and definitely would not have been so shocked and reacted so strongly to that situation in the art gallery lobby. I recall feeling like he had me under some sort of spell, honestly, which is kind of silly thinking back- but if he had pulled me any closer or, gods forbid, kissed me for example, I think my knees would've ACTUALLY given in right there. I wasn't far from it to begin with.
So the neck thing- I think, it started because someone I would classify/headcanon as an alpha (in omegaverse terms, not the, 'alpha male' kind, DUH), whom I was interested in, and who seemed to clearly be interested in me, kept finding excuses to touch my neck. It was always sensitive, and I could feel the touch sort of linger for a long time, days, at times. And after that incident, my neck has always been hypersensitive, ESPECIALLY during heats. It's actually to the point that if a partner touches me in a similar (romantic/sexual) way, my knees just go kind of weak immediately, and I feel dizzy, because it's overwhelming to me. Maybe it's because necks are vulnerable and sensitive, but for me it's specifically the back and sides of my neck that are the MOST sensitive, not necessarily the region of my windpipe/etc. Similarly, when it's a person I have no interest in who is touching me, I tense up, instead of "freezing and then melting" which is how I felt on That Day. It's a pretty strong signal to my brain that I should probably become pliant and relaxed and obedient, as well as a "hey maybe I should be getting aroused about this?" Brain-thing, BUT if it's coming from someone I don't see as a potential partner but who seems to have romantic or sexual intent regardless, it feels more like an attempt at dominating or controlling me, which causes some anxiety.
As an afterthought, I wanna add that there are close friends I have who could touch my neck and I wouldn't mind at all- either they're so close platonically that I'm fully okay with it, or I'm 110% confident there is absolutely ZERO sexual intent behind their actions. If anything, I'd probably just relax and feel drowsy, more than anything, if touched like that.
Basically, this instance has shaped a big part of my headcanons on scruffing, dynamic presenting, heats and heat triggers, and much more. I don't think that this random guy I haven't talked to in almost a decade actually made me "awaken as an omega" as some versions of omegaverse put it, but I do think that during that fall I was starting to present anyway, and the things he did (touching my neck, petting my hair, etc) affected things that trigger my heats because of the emotional/psychological associations. I think that I would have presented anyway, and had a first 'heat' around that time anyway, but I think my crush on him and his constant touchy-feely-ness definitely sped up the process.
It's kind of a shame that this was the closest we ever got, in a way- back then I was still in contact with a very abusive person who basically forbade me from interacting with other people almost entirely, and it was one of the biggest reasons I was so shy and hesitant around this guy, even when I wanted to reciprocate somehow. It's such a shame because I haven't ever really felt a similar kind of pull towards anyone else after that, the relationships I've been in since have all started because someone else had been interested in me first and approached and courted me, and I'd ended up slowly getting attached and becoming fond of them. Not that that's a bad way to get into a relationship when it works out- I mean more that there's never really been a similar feeling of complete breathlessness and being flustered and mesmerized the same way this guy was able to make me feel by just gently pulling at my neck a little. Other people have certainly tried, and most exes are aware my neck is a very sensitive spot for me, but it's never affected me quite so strongly since this guy back in High School. Maybe it's just because I was young and clueless and far more easily affected by flirting and such, sure- it's just a bit, I don't know, sad? I guess, since it never really went anywhere with that guy. We grew apart, and never ended up getting closer, and I've never had the chance to let him know I was interested in him the whole time, nor explain the actual situation with the glare I gave him and why it must've seemed so out-of-nowhere (when the truth was I'd just had the shittiest morning imaginable to my teenage self). I did follow him on a social media app with my personal profile some time ago recently though, and he followed me back, so maybe one day we'll reconnect properly, but who knows. It's pretty cliché and I don't actually hold out any hope that the same person who had me weak in the knees in high school would be similarly magnetic to me now that I'm an actual adult, nearly a decade older than I was back then- it's more like, I just have a few regrets, and wish I'd said something back then? But most of all, I hope I can experience a similar kind of attraction again some day, regardless of who it is for. A crush like that, when the other person is also giving signals, is very magical, and the smallest things feel super flustering. It's even better when the other person is a genuinely good person, like he was. Definitely leagues above the trash I was settling for back then because I had zero self-confidence and thought that nobody who actually treated me kindly and with respect would ever truly love me.
Actually, I could honestly talk about that guy for quite a long while, since I have a lot of fond memories of him, and high school in general, but I'd end up going on for even longer, and my main point was to just tell the story of the time I started 'presenting' as an omega (though I didn't know that's what it was until much later), and what I consider to be my first actual heat, as well as talk about the fact that my neck is extremely sensitive and it's always been kind of amusing to me since it's a VERY omega thing.
To the guy I'm talking about, if you somehow find this and thus my blog, firstly, I'm sorry THIS is how you (most likely) find out that I actually had a crush on you the whole time and SECONDLY, I am so sorry you now have to know I'm into some (relatively) weird things. Dm me?
Oh and to anyone who is NOT that guy but recognizes this story and now knows who I am, you didn't see SHIT. Look away, bitch, erase this from your brain, none of your business.
Uhm. Anyway, I wanted to add a bit more about the neck sensitivity, since it's the source of my headcanons for how omegas in general would have very sensitive necks (which is one reason for why some choose to wear collars or chokers or other similar accessories, as a way to feel more "protected" or "covered up")
I ended up discovering a lot of these things later on as an adult, in other relationships I had, but.
Most of my neck is very sensitive. The front (throat) has some spots, but the most noticeably erogenous areas are the sides of my neck, the spots right below my ears and jawbone, and the back of my neck from where my back connects to my neck, all the way up to the base of my skull. The types of touch that tend to get the strongest responses out of me are usually the, someone placing their hand on the back of my neck gently but like, firmly enough to make me aware of it, especially if they're using that to guide me around etc. It feels like a subtle physical "sign of claiming/courting someone", or a signal of intending to do so.
General Headcanons;
Since I tend to imagine bonding bites would be on the back of the neck (muscles, less vessels and delicate structures to injure, etc), it's a sort of headcanon that touching that region in general is a pretty flirtatious/strong signal of intended courtship when done to an omega. It's not necessarily only a courtship/flirtation thing, it could also be a sort of equivalent to scruffing, an action that feels reassuring and causes the omega to subconsciously relax and become calm and agreeable IF done by someone they trust (friend or partner or family, etc). I imagine that some alphas and betas also do it to their omega partners in public on occasion to show to others who might seem interested in the omega, that the omega is already being "courted" or "claimed" (especially when no bonding/mating bites are visible or present for whatever reason). Since the action of placing a hand on the back of an omega's neck is basically covering their scent glands, it has a similar message as kissing your partner some stranger has been oogling, just to let them know they're "not available". I tend to headcanonize that it's seen as rude and intrusive to do it to omegas you do NOT know well, for example first dates, one-night-stands, or people you've just started getting to know, and people who do that before there's been any signals of interest or even courtship are, in many cultures, seen as the asshole type who is just trying to get into the pants of any omega they see. It's not quite a form of PDA, more like a social cue that expresses both interest and intent to the omega without being overly obvious or intimate, as well as gives some "hey back off" type vibes to other people. I imagine this works with betas and alphas too, to some extent, but when done to any other dynamic it's generally seen more as a protective or friendly gesture, instead of one that expresses romantic/sexual interest in any way, since my headcanon is that omegas in general have the most sensitive necks out of any dynamic.
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