#like I’m one of this show’s number one defenders and there are still absolutely things that make me uncomfortable jokes or not

[sheisoverhere]

Peeta Mellark is an integral member of the four D12 victors. He is literally the sunset on the reaping! How is this not clear? I’ve never wanted to report people for bad literary analysis more and I’m only half joking. It has forced me to commit a cardinal sin: analyze in anger!

1. Him being chosen by absolute accident is the point. Not only does he represent every single other tribute who simply gets chosen because they live in a messed up country but he represents how even with some odds being in your favor (older siblings, merchant family, being white, being popular, etc.) you are still very likely to be victimized by the oppressive structure of Panem.

2. When Haymitch says, “But she was smarter than me, or luckier” - the luck is all the people around Katniss who created the circumstances for her to lead a successful revolution (her father teaching her to hunt, the arena having woods, Rue healing her with leaves, Thresh not killing her, Haymitch consistently giving her support, her mother teaching her aspects of medicine, on and on and on) and Peeta is the number one, most important part of her luck in the first book. She has someone in the games actively putting her life before his… are you kidding? There is legitimately no better luck than that.

3. Even if we take Katniss out of it, Peeta is so impactful as a victor because most of his scenes would not be cut/doctored. What’s there to edit out? Instead, the viewers get a full view of him loving a girl so selflessly, using trickery and strategy instead of violence, keeping himself alive through art, joking on literal death’s door, and sharing so much of himself with the audience it becomes harder for them not to see him as a real human boy. How rare do you think that is for the games? Haymitch and LGB are caricatures of themselves in the games, playing roles that flatten them down. Even Katniss becomes one dimensional on screen without Peeta (and Rue, of course). It is also heavily implied that he does not kill anyone during the games (in a straightforward way) and even if you count Cato or the girl from 8 or even foxface, it’s never him hunting them or seeking out a kill - again how rare do you think that is to see on screen for Games viewers?

4. I didn’t think this needed to be said but: Katniss dies without Peeta in the first games. a) she goes for the bow and dies in the bloodbath; b) she is hunted and killed by Careers; c) she is killed by game makers because there’s no love story angle to keep them from just burning her entirely; d) she dies from tracker jacker stings or Cato because Peeta doesn’t defend her or tell her to run… I could go on…

5. But even if she does win and wins alone - the victory means as much (I would argue less than) any other rebellious victor winning, certainly less than Haymitch’s win. The biggest rebellion for their games is that two of them win! This is legit the only thing that distinguishes them from any other sympathetic, kind child who would have won the games. Like if Haymitch or Finnick or Wiress winning isn’t jarring enough for the Games to end… why do you think Katniss killing Peeta and winning solo would be? It would not.

6. And finally, I cannot stress this enough: There is no peaceful end to the rebellion or the trilogy without Peeta. “Peeta’s a whiz with fires” (HG) for a reason! Collins, over and over, shows us how fire can get out of control and destroy even those who are innocent and who you love (Gale, Beete, Peeta’s family, Haymitch’s family). If everyone really burns, there’s no one to clean the ashes. The reason not everyone burns is because of people like Peeta who can coax the flames in a way that is nurturing and consistent. I mean…. “Peeta fashioned some kind of incubator” is such an obvious detail. Those goslings don’t hatch without Peeta, life does not go on in peace and joy without Peeta.

It is no coincidence that when Maysilee says Lenore Dove got the “jump on us all” (in being a rebel), she is referring to LD using orange paint to make protest art!

We must stop pushing Peeta Mellark out of the narrative! He is literally the sunset on the reaping!

[pretty-blkgirl]

hi!

may you do a fluffy seungmin x black reader? maybe the reader experiences hate from seungmin's fans and seungmin shows her that he loves her regardless of what's being said?

it's all up to you ofc! ok bye ~ <3

Let Me Help You

//fem!black reader x idol!Seungmin//

Synopsis: After experiencing excruciating hate from his fans, you try to leave your boyfriend

Genre; angst, eventual fluff

Warnings: racism is a heavy theme in this story, reader is described as fem

A/N; Thank you so much for the request ❤️❤️ As you can see, the story is a bit lengthy since this topic is something I’m passionate about. There aren’t any explicit instances of racism present (such as the use of slurs) but it is heavily implied.

~~~~|~~~~

“Y/N?” You hear from behind you, making you jump slightly. You immediately looked back to see your loving boyfriend staring at you with pure disbelief in his eyes.

The look on his face alone makes you want to run into his arms and kiss all his pain away. The pain and confusion you caused.

You were in the bedroom you two once shared, gathering the last of your things and returning a necklace Seungmin had given you. Since he was so busy at work, it was easy to dodge him and move out of the apartment without any problems.

Your original plan was to leave the apartment without a trace. Block him, and all his family and friends, never looking back.

However, you know he deserved more than that. You two’s relationship was perfect.

Well, near perfect.

You and Seungmin were beyond compatible. You loved the same shows, food, and artists, and it helps that you were familiar with the music industry so you two connected on another level.

The company was aware of the crush you two had on one another in the beginning, so they asked Seungmin ahead of time to try his best to hide the impending relationship.

He truly did do his best to hide you, not that he wanted to. He would have preferred to show you off to the world, and let everyone know he was in a relationship with the most beautiful, caring, talented, and loving woman in the world.

However, both of you knew that he needed to seem “available” as an idol. The fans needed to believe they had a chance with him, and them finding out about you wouldn’t be good for anyone.

It was a bit more tricky as well, considering the obvious difference between you two. Neither you nor Seungmin had a racial preference when it came to dating, so you being Black and him being Asian was rarely a situation you two cared about.

To be honest, who cares about the difference in race? It was never a big deal, all his family and friends absolutely loved you, and the company even took a liking to you.

The moral of the story is, it never mattered that you two were in an interracial relationship…until it did.

Being Black in Korea was an…interesting experience. The majority of your age group and younger exhibited great openness and compassion towards everyone. But there were still some ignorant people, and those people made sure to show themselves to you.

One day, an older man caught you and Seungmin leaving a restaurant late at night. He cursed at you, insulting you and calling you names you’d never repeat.

Seungmin defended you, but the man’s outburst caught the attention of a group of teenagers who recorded the interaction.

They posted it, and it went viral quickly. Sharp-eyed fans immediately recognized the masked man’s voice and eyes. They knew it was Seungmin, then everyone knew he had a partner.

Many people supported you and your man, even other celebrities came out in support, but a large number of nonblack fans came out and started to give you hell.

They sent trucks to the company, demanding the idol break up with you. They trended tags on Twitter, they spammed Bubble with pleas for you two to break up.

Seungmin and the company both put out a statement, but the hate continued to get worse.

His members began to speak in defense of you, and you noticed paparazzi stalking outside your job.

The death threats didn't take long to start, and then the shameless TikTok videos claiming you’re only “ruining his career” and “destroying his purity” came in dozens.

Again, there was still an outpour of support, but the blatant racism you were shown was so too much to handle.

Being Black, you unfortunately experienced at least a little bit of ignorance, prejudice, or racism wherever you went. You were beyond proud of your race though, making sure everyone could feel the confidence and pride exuding off you wherever you went.

You were never ashamed of your race, you would never allow someone to make you feel bad about who you were. To you, you were beyond blessed to have such beautiful brown skin, but it did hurt to know that people hated your guts just because of your skin color.

The fans were ruthless, and you tried to stay away from the hate, but your curiosity got the best of you.

Long story short, you spent 3 hours reading about how Seungmin could do better and how his reputation is being ruined. By the 4th hour, you had started packing your stuff.

You loved Seungmin more than anything, but you started to feel like you were ruining his career. He was almost put on hiatus when the news broke, and he was so miserable. You watched as he cried on the phone with the higher-ups, and you couldn’t stand the fact that it was all your fault.

You managed to pack the majority of your things in a few hours, mostly because you didn’t have much to begin with. Running off of pure adrenaline and sadness, you left for a hotel and ignored the eventual calls that came later in the night.

You stayed away for three days and planned to come back to the apartment to get the rest of your stuff while Seungmin was supposed to be recording a music video.

Unfortunately, he played sick and was able to leave the shoot early. Something in his gut told him you’d be back at the apartment, and he was right.

“I’m sorry,” You said, staring down at the floor

“Can we talk?”

“I just came to get the rest of my things”

He sighed, “Please baby, this can’t be the end of us”

“I’m not good for you”

“Don’t you ever say something so stupid again”

Against your better judgment, you looked up at him. He was so hurt, but still managed to put a little smile on his face.

Your knees felt weak

“Why’d you leave?” He questioned

“You know why”

“Maybe” He nods, “But I wanna hear you say it”

A few seconds of silence made the atmosphere more tense than it already was.

“I’m ruining your career” You whisper

“No, you’re not”

“I am, and I don’t want your dream to be ruined all because your fans don’t like me-”

“Y/n” He interrupted, “Fuck my dream. Do you think I’ll put a career over you? I’ll leave all of this bullshit behind if it means you’ll come back home”

“I don’t want you to give up on your career!”

“And I don’t wanna lose you, so what now?” He crossed his arms, and you hate that you found him so sexy at that moment

“Please just let me leave. This has gotten so out of control”

“Baby I understand that this is overwhelming. I promise you I do, but I swear I’m doing everything in my power to ensure all those people who've been harassing you will face consequences. I promise you I’m gonna fix it”

“You can’t get all of them”

“But I can try” He shrugs

He walked over to you, silently asking to touch you. Again, against your better judgment, you look into his eyes and allow him to hug you.

“Please don’t let ignorant pieces of shit destroy our relationship. I know the hate is getting to you, but let me help you through it, let me at least try to”

You knew you were going to say yes. Both guilt and unmeasurable love filled your chest and he rocked you side to side.

“I’ll put out another statement, and I’ll go live. I’ll make sure those motherfuckers know that I’ll do anything to protect you.”

He lets you go a little to pull back and look at you, “Plus, there are still millions of people who support us.”

“I know,” You say

“So let's focus on positivity? Or maybe we can delete social media for a while? I’ll delete mine too. If you don’t wanna come home for a bit, I’ll have the company set you up with an apartment. We’ll also look for a therapist, okay?”

You nod, and mutter a small “Okay baby”

You two hug for a while, knowing you guys won’t ever let some stupid people keep you away from each other again.

[1moreff-creator]

What are some dynamics (in terms of like, foils/parallels) that you enjoy in DRDT?

you’re staring at a forest and asking me for every tree i like. do you want me to write another 28k word post /lh

I jest, of course, but not about the number of interesting foils in this series. It does a fantastic job tying everyone into several key themes in ways that make their dynamics endlessly enriching for my silly little character parallel-loving brain. So, uh, get ready for a long-ish post?

CW: One mention of self-harm, self-loathing

Teruko-David: I mean, you gotta start at the center, yeah? David’s the closest thing to a “main antag” we have, and it’s no wonder; the guy’s built like a standard DR protag, obviously he’s gonna have a cool dynamic with the actual protagonist. 

These two could breathe a bit weird and somehow parallel each other doing it, that’s how much this foil permeates both their characters. From their fatalistic outlooks on the world (“my luck will always be terrible, I’ll always be betrayed” vs “people can’t change, the world sucks”), the ways they hide their feelings (Teruko was more distrustful than she first presented herself as, but cares about people more than she shows during most of CH2; while David has an entire different persona up to 2-11 and then pretends to be worse than he actually is), the self-loathing (Teruko refuses to think she could be a good person, David has the whole “inhuman” thing going on), down to the oddball sibling figure (Terubro “I know nothing about you” Tawaki vs Diana “I’m not even sure you exist” Chiem).

There’s their feelings about Xander and Min, too, which are all over the place. Obviously we all saw in 2-12 how much the British twink fucked both of them up severely, with Teruko rejecting any positive or yearning feelings she may have had about Xander (you can’t hide the cactus scene from us girl) while David vehemently defended him from any criticism. On the other side, Min is less of a narrative poltergeist (for now; XF-Ture exists), but she still comes up with them, with David calling her pathetic eleven episodes after Min hugs Teruko and Teruko’s internal monologue gives away how much she cares about the Student. 

And these parallels play into their weird-ass dynamic very well, because their beefing is founded on their similarities and their differences, out of projecting their self-loathing to someone similar at the same time they hate each other because of their disagreements on things like Xander. Crazy stuff.

Xander-Min: Mentioning these two second because they’re also Eternal Parallels. There’s almost not a single thing about these two that isn’t somehow reflected on the other. If you projected them onto each other’s direction, you would get no perpendicular component. Get it, ‘cuz they’re completely parallel- That is, by far, the nerdiest joke I’ve ever made, I apologize.

But come on. Their attitudes towards fate (the Rebel fighting it and Min resigning herself to the XF-Ture thing), the whole “holding on to the past vs wanting to move on from the past” thing, the similarities between how they actually feel about the education system (they have issues with it) contrasted with the things they actually do in respects to that (Min is still the Ultimate Student, but Xander dislikes that), their already mentioned contrasting connections to Teruko and David… Just, absolutely everything about them is a meaningful contrast. And it comes into play a lot, with their eternal beef being born largely out of these parallels. They’re awesome.

Teruko-Ace: Pretty topical for post-CH2. Ace’s entire arc is sort of a reflection of Teruko’s, yet taken to the extreme because of one particular point of contrast; Ace feared death, Teruko doesn’t think she can die. But he still basically serves as a demonstration of all the flaws in Teruko’s all mindset; the feeling of unchangeable fate, the complete lack of trust, all the good stuff. It basically allows an exploration of Teruko’s mindset from an outside perspective, which makes it easier to see the flaws in it.

Ace-Nico: Also topical, these recap foils go kinda insane. Their motives for murder, their contrasting talents (love for animals on Nico's side and fear of horses on Ace's), the way they relate to the rest of the cast, Ace's persecution complex vs Nico actively disliking how much Hu defends them, etc., it’s all very fun to see play out. 

Ace-Levi: The one who doesn’t care but protects others and tries his best to be a good person so he can be accepted in society without having issues, vs the guy that acts like an asshole because he’s scared of caring too much and he thinks the only way he can get out alive is by being the only one to survive. This leads to a fundamental misunderstanding between them that causes some of the most doomed yaoi of all time, which is the whole “Levi getting frustrated at not understanding Ace.” 

Arei-David: You’ve presumably watched 2-13, so I don’t think I need to explain all the awesome stuff that’s come from their shared themes of “good people” and self-betterment and all that. Not to mention, David’s little breakdown over Arei trusting the letter of the only friend she had being presumably born from the way he saw Xander as the only friend he had. Shit goes crazy.

Arei-Eden: Recap foils… Good people… The choice to be kind… Etc… Woah :O

Teruko-Charles: Ah, Teru’s recap foil. This one’s basically opposite of Ace’s, where Charles used to be sort of like Teruko acted in CH2, but later became a bit friendlier, if still somewhat prickly. Basically, if Ace highlights Teruko’s character traits from CH2, Charles post CH1 serves as more or less the “end goal” in a way. It goes beyond that, too, with the whole memory issues (prosopagnosia vs childhood amnesia) and, again, mysterious siblings (Terubro and Elliot what are your deals), so it’s always neat to rotate these two in the brain.

Veronika-Levi: We really don’t know too much about Vero, which always makes it a bit harder when analyzing these dynamics, but they already got some interesting points of contrast. Neither of them are particularly concerned about the deaths of the others, at least post-CH2 (Levi doesn’t grieve and Vero actively laughs at Ace’s death), but it comes from almost opposite ends of perspective. Levi doesn’t understand others because he doesn’t feel much empathy (if any at all), while Vero seems to treat the others not as people, but almost as characters to be analyzed (that’s the impression I get, at least), which makes her come off as very good at reading people but also occasionally causes her to see them as sources of entertainment first and foremost. Not to mention there’s also the fact they’re both very different people than they were in the past (Levi was some form of delinquent and now is a good person, Vero used to be outdoorsy and then no longer was). Wow that’s… more than I thought there was- How am I finding more interesting foils just by writing more???

Hu-Levi: I kinda talked about this in my CH2 PT2 analysis so read that ig.

J-Rose: A pair of recap foils who haven’t had too much yet, but a lot of their themes, in particular about fate and privilege and stuff, are pretty noticeable with them, so this is always a fun dynamic to consider.

Levi-Arturo: More recap foils, this one’s fun because of the dead family member :) Also things like their talents being related to aesthetics and both doing the things they do for a better life.

Veronika-Hu: This one’s kinda more hypothetical, since Vero in particular hasn’t had as much direct focus as other characters yet, but that’s part of what makes them fun. Past history of self-harm (even if brought on by very different feelings) is just the first of many parallels they could have, and it’s fun to see the contrast between Hu defending Nico to the ends of the Earth and Vero talking about how much she likes Arturo because of how awful he is. They’re really silly.

David-Whit: All the recap foils are fun, but I've always struggled to see this one in particular. Partly because I feel like I know less about Whit than I know about Mai :v Still, certain things like Whit ignoring anything that upsets him which connects to David constantly lying about his real feelings for his fans, which is probably what leads to David's outburst at Whit in the second trial.

Teruko-MonoTV: Because fate. Really this is here plainly because it’s just a funny as hell dynamic to even consider lol.

Teruko-Mai: Have they interacted? Has Mai had enough screen time to truly determine that this parallel truly exists? Do we even know a single theme that Mai’s character touches on for certain? No and it doesn’t matter! Because these two are clearly connected somehow and the whole “someone dearly loved - someone dearly unloved” thing makes me ill. Mai is getting mentioned in this post and you're not stopping it.

Mai-Whit: Fuck it! “We tend to idolize the dead” dynamic!!! It's very speculative, but this one’s just fun to ponder even if we have even less idea of what could be going on between the two than with Mai-Teruko.

Anyways ready for a few themes that run through a lot of characters?

David-Levi-Nico-Rose: The “feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity’s experiences” gang!!!

Min-Rose-Hu-Veronika-Arturo: The “wants to move on from the past” gang!!!

Min-Arei-Teruko-Ace: The “trying to fix mistakes” gang!!!

Teruko-David-Eden-Arei-Levi-Xander: The “what makes a good person?” gang!!!

Teruko-David-Xander-Min-J-Whit-Ace-Rose-MonoTV-Probably everyone else: Fate!!!!

And there’s more than I’m probably forgetting because I can’t possibly check every conceivable connection between these guys. At least I hope I covered most of the major ones. Thanks for the ask, these dynamics are always fun to think about!

[gorgon-goddess-of-chaos]

Can we have a pt2 to the father figures darkstache thing, maybe reader gets in trouble at school n they're called to the school to pick them up? -❤️♠️

Suspension

Darkiplier x Wilford Warfstache, GN!Reader, TW: bullying, homophobia, fighting, blood Words: 707

Unfortunately, word got around at school that your mother disowned you and you were sent off to live with your dads, which just increased the levels of bullying you got previously. It was yet another smart-mouthed girl who finally broke the camel’s back and sent your fist swinging right into her front teeth. As she staggered back, clutching her mouth as blood poured from her lip, a teacher came in and yanked you by your shirt all the way to the principal’s office. 

They made you sit in the office until one of your parents came to pick you up, and became increasingly frustrated when your mother refused to pick up the phone. You could hear the faint yelling from the other side of the call, trying to hide your smirk as you nurse your aching fist.

“Do you want my father’s phone number, miss?”

“I- I suppose so-”

The receptionist still looks a bit shaken up by everything your mother said over the phone, and takes down Dark’s phone number and dials it quickly to get you out of their hair. In far less time than it takes to get to the school (if you follow traffic laws, that is), both Dark and Wilford show up to the school. They enter the office, and look to you with concern. The assistant principal is nearly tripping over himself to greet them, guiding all three of you to follow him into his office. 

“I’m so glad you were able to arrive quickly to aide your student. As my receptionist may have told you, there was a bit of a fight that broke out, and we wanted to make sure that this wasn’t a repeating behavior.”

“Of course. Darling, what happened?”

The assistant principal tries to interrupt you but the glare that Dark gives him stops him in his tracks with a meek smile.

“There was this gaggle of girls who were saying a lot of bad things about you and pops, and were saying that I deserved to get disowned and hated by my mother for loving my gay dads.”

Wilford holds your hand as you say this, rubbing his thumb against the back of your palm. Dark simply turns to the assistant principal, giving him an opportunity to explain his side of things.

“Well- I- uh- you know we don’t tolerate bullying at all, but your child punched another student so all parties will have to be put on suspension for the foreseeable future.”

“And why would that be?”

Dark’s voice may be calm but there’s an underlying rumble of anger, and clearly the assistant principal picks up on it.

“Well, we certainly cannot be setting a precedent that this is okay behavior on both sides, and-”

“Where were staff when my child was being bullied? Who was standing up for them? Because it sounds like to me that my child was cornered and was given no choice but to defend themselves both for their own sake and the sake of our family. Unless the school starts to take steps to rectify this wrong, my husband and I will be suing the school for discrimination and pressing charges against all students involved.”

Upon hearing this, the assistant principal starts immediately back pedalling. 

“There’s certainly no need to do that, sir! We are taking this absolutely seriously, and I will talk with our principal about waving your student’s suspension. I can’t guarantee anything, but those are rather extreme measures that could ruin the futures of those kids-”

“And allowing them to carry on with being bullies and hatecriming my child over having gay parents is what I am supposed to do? You will be hearing from my lawyer.”

He stands up with Wilford guiding you out and following his husband. Which, considering his rather colorful exterior, the glare he sends the girl and her parents as you pass by makes all of them flinch. Once the three of you are back out in the car, Dark finally lets out a breath.

“We will wait to inform your brothers about this until later, but for now, where would you like to get food?”

“You’re, not mad?”

“Of course not, pumpkin! Now, let’s get you a little treat, shall we?”

[marquezism]

I’m watching Aragon 2019 at the moments and

These stats are crazy like 2020 makes me sick to my stomach cause it through off all of his stats and took away so much of his prime but 128 podiums from 200 starts when he had 2 seasons in 125cc were he only had 2 podiums is crazy

yayyyyy let’s do MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!

in 2008, 125cc rider marc started in 13 of the 17 grand prix and earned himself a total one podium! he had zero wins and zero poles. which, by the way, is more than some people can boast for themselves across their whole careers but-

in 2009, 125cc rider marc started in 16 of the 16 grand prix, earned himself one podium and two pole positions, his first in le mans and his second in sepang!

though both these years were incredible in context, they do not reflect marc’s later level. so let’s take out those numbers, and add instead the rest of 2019.

according to the above, between 2010 and 2019, marc started in 176 grand prix, of which he started from pole 88 times, podiumed 132 times and won 82 times.

this results in a 50% pole percentage, 75% podium percentage and 46.5% win percentage.

match, are you saying marc made the podium in THREE QUARTERS OF THE RACES HE RACED??? uh, yeah. most of those podiums were wins too, 62% total.

but that’s not all. let’s count all the races marc retired in across those years, so either crashed out without finishing the race, was crashed out without finishing the race, or had to stop due to a technical problem or was disqualified bc his team fucked up counting to eleven. they amount to 23 retirements between 2010 and 2019.

if we translate marc’s race starts to race finishes, we arrive at 153 in those years. the percentages adjust thereby as follows: poles unaffected since they do not touch the main race. 86% podiums. 53.5% wins.

i don’t think it’s quite possible to realise how dominant marc has really been - across categories and time - without looking at these numbers and like. trying to actually grasp them. of all the races marc has finished between 2010 and 2019, he finished on the podium 86% of them, and he won more than half. he WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more than half.

do we even hear ourselves. most riders don’t fucking win even fucking once.

obviously, the pain of jerez 2020 lies not in his insane stats that were, in a way, irreversibly ruined by 2021-2023. obviously. but in another way, the “ruined” stats are just another thing that jerez fucked, just another thing he has to defend himself from. just another example of something that needs to be addressed in context, which means not addressed at all. no one will nitpick like this. every race you race counts as a race you raced, no matter your condition or the bike or whatever.

but then if marc didn’t care, neither should we. the numbers are just numbers in the end and yes, while 2010-2019 show off brilliantly how fucking insane marc’s dominance was and losing this overall hurts, the numbers of 2021-2023 also show this in part. they show that marc still podiumed at least once a year. they show he finished inside the top 15 every year. they show he was the top finisher on his bike every year despite missing half the fucking season at times. even those numbers, different as they are, show who marc is. they might have changed how his overall win percentage looks, but they didn’t change that he’s the goat.

so yeah, it sucks that jerez took so much, including that. it suck that jerez took away us never getting to see marc race with absolute confidence and at his peak, it sucks that we never saw his natural decline, it sucks that we will never know what marc is truly capable of because jerez took that away. it fucking sucks ass. but on the flip side, marc is still racing today. marc is adding wins to his tally, marc is having fun on his bike, marc did not retire and doesn’t plan to for the foreseeable future. marc loves racing yet. that’s the thing jerez didn’t take away, and it’s so much more important that any win percentage.

[nevieatiny]

Chasing Shadows in Water

Part 1

Ex!Mingi x Reader/ Reader x San

Summary:

You were dating the most popular guy on campus — tall, gorgeous, captain of the swim team. On the surface, it looked perfect. But when being with him started to feel more like a responsibility than a relationship, you realized love shouldn’t feel like a job. So you walked away.

Winter break gave you the space to breathe, to focus on yourself again, and you promised not to get caught up in anyone else. But when a new student transfers in — calm, grounded, and nothing like your ex — you start to wonder... Maybe the universe has a strange way of offering second chances.

You promised not to fall again. But maybe, just maybe, this time it could be different.

Word count: 1,482

Genre: Angst / fluff

Masterlist

You knew this was bound to happen at some point. Yes, you still loved him—his ambition, his drive, the way he pushed himself. That relentless competitiveness was part of what made you fall for him in the first place. But he was also stubborn. And maybe that laser focus wasn’t such a good thing when the rest of his life—when you—were slipping through the cracks. Still, you forgave him. Every single time. Told yourself he wasn’t doing it on purpose. That his apologies sounded sincere enough to believe.

But you had a limit. And you were starting to realize that wasting your twenties—your college years—on someone like that wasn’t love. It was denial.

It had been over an hour since you got there. You were still sitting at the same table, staring at the same half-full glass of water. Thankfully, you’d reserved one of the booths—you had to make the reservation for your own anniversary at your favorite restaurant. Of course he wouldn’t do that for you. You doubted he even knew how to look up the phone number.

That’s when it hit you. Why are you even still trying?

You weren’t happy anymore. You hadn’t been for a while.

Instead, every outing came with nerves. “Will he show up this time?” “Does he remember we were supposed to meet today?” “Should I text him? Or will he say I’m being too much?”

You asked for the check. You just needed to get out of there.

When you got home, the apartment was quiet. You fed your cat, changed out of your clothes, and checked your phone. Nothing. Absolutely nothing from him.

You thought about going to campus. There was only one person who’d still be at the pool this late. But you were drained. Mentally, emotionally—you didn’t have it in you. Tomorrow might be even worse, so instead, you threw yourself into cleaning. The kitchen. The bathroom. Anything to distract yourself. Maybe having a spotless place would help. Or at least it wouldn’t add to the mess in your head.

After a long shower, you were finally tired enough to sleep.

════════════════════════════════════

The next morning, you woke up to a text.

His name lit up your screen, and for a second—just a second—you hoped it was an excuse. Even a bad one would do. Just something to show he realized what he missed.

💙: morning beautiful, hope you have a great day 😘

If you were still unsure last night, that message sealed it. You were doing the right thing.

You got ready for your only class, mentally playing out the conversation on a loop. Your points. His possible reactions. Whether he’d even try to defend himself.

Your cat, bless him, bore the brunt of your stress—when you set him back on the couch, his fur was standing in every direction. He stared at you like you’d personally betrayed him. You kissed the top of his head with a quiet “sorry” and made your way out the door.

You couldn’t concentrate in class. Your professor kept glancing at you whenever he asked a question, but your mind was blank. Thankfully, your classmates were eager to earn participation points.

You hated that he had this much power over you. But after today, you promised yourself—never again.

Your palms were sweaty by the time you reached the pool. Even if you were sure about breaking up, that didn’t make it easy. You stood in front of the door for a moment, taking a deep breath.

And for the first time in years, you silently hoped everything would go smoothly.

You always hated how humid this place was. Obviously—it’s a pool. But it still felt like stepping into a sauna. The space was quiet, only the soft sound of water splashing in the distance. Practice wouldn’t start until four, but you knew there was only one stupidly attractive idiot who’d be here this early.

His towel was the first thing you saw. A pink Hello Kitty one you’d bought him months ago, joking that you should have matching towels. You were surprised the day you saw it hanging next to the rest of the team’s gear. But when you asked him about it, he just shrugged.

“Why would I be embarrassed about a gift from my girlfriend? Besides, I’m the captain—they know better than to say anything.”

Stupid Song Mingi. Saying the right thing at the right time, with his stupidly handsome face and swimmer’s body and his stupid perfect height.

You were so lost staring at that towel, you didn’t hear him get out of the pool.

“It must be my birthday if I get to see you before practice,” he said.

You jumped. He bent down, cupping your face with a wet hand before kissing you quickly.

“You scared me.”

“Were you expecting someone else?” he teased, reaching past you for his towel.

He shook out his hair like a wet dog, splashing you. You flinched, shielding your face.

“Mingi, you’re getting me wet.”

“I know I do.”

You smacked his chest harder than usual.

“Ow. Someone’s been working out,” he grinned.

Still toweling off, he sat down and pulled you in by the waist, settling you between his thighs.

“I missed you.” A soft kiss. “Don’t run away from me, okay?” Another kiss. “I have a surprise for you next week.”

His thumb brushed your lips before pulling you in for a slower kiss.

“Next week?” Your stomach twisted.

“Our anniversary. Don’t tell me you forgot.”

You took a breath and straightened up, your hands curling into fists at your sides.

“Mingi… our anniversary was yesterday.”

His brow furrowed, head tilting like a confused puppy. You gave him a few seconds. Nothing.

“I told you a month ago. I made a reservation at that sushi place we both like.”

He looked completely lost. And despite everything, that almost made you feel bad.

But you weren’t going through this again.

“You’re joking, right?” he finally said.

You didn’t answer. Your face said enough.

“I waited almost an hour and a half for you.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

You stared at him.

“Because I’m tired,” you said, voice shaking. “I’m so fucking tired, Mingi. Of having to manage every single part of this relationship. Of coming up with plans, making reservations, reminding you to show up. I shouldn’t have to confirm appointments with my own boyfriend like I’m calling the dentist.”

Don’t cry. Not yet.

“I feel miserable. I used to get excited to see you. Now I just get anxious, wondering if you’ll remember we had plans, wondering if you even care. And when you do show up, it’s like I’m just another task on your to-do list. You always say you’ll make it up to me… but I don’t want you to anymore.”

His hands tightened around your hips, but his face was unreadable.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

That was it?

You waited.

That really was it.

“I don’t need you to be sorry.”

“What else am I supposed to say? I fucked up—but I had practice—”

“I’m not mad about practice. I’m mad about how you manage your time. About how I’m always the last priority.”

Maybe you were being harsh. But someone had to say it.

“I’m not asking you to quit the team. I loved that about you—the way you never give up on your goals. You can achieve anything when you set your mind to it. Except for us.”

You paused.

“But don’t worry. I’ll make things easier for you.”

“Y/N, come on… don’t do this.” He stood quickly, his towel slipping a little from his hips as he stepped toward you. His hands, still damp and warm from the pool, gently cupped your face. His thumbs brushed just under your eyes, searching your expression like he was trying to memorize it.

“I know I messed up, okay? But we can fix this. Just… don’t go.”

You blinked, and for a moment, you almost wished you could believe him. But you were done confusing love with hope.

You placed your hands over his, gently pulling them away.

“I want to break up.”

[in1-nutshell]

Bot Buddy being Rattrap's younger sibling

SFW, familial, platonic, Cybertronian/ bot reader

Beast wars

Buddy is a calm and sensitive soul. Their beast mode is an armadillo. They tend to be a bit more open minded to some things than Rattrap is.

Rattrap loves his younger sibling to bits… that being said, he has a peculiar way of showing it.

Their dynamic gives off.

No-one-can-hurt-them-but-me vibes.

“Hey Rattrap look at this picture I drew of the flowers this morning!”--Buddy

“I’ve seen prettier flowers than those.”--Rattrap

“Yeah, those are kind of ugly.”--Cheetor

“Take that back! Those are the most beautiful flower in the world!”--Rattrap

“Aww thanks Rattrap.”--Buddy

“Get lost you bumpy bowling ball.”—Rattrap

Rattrap being the older sibling is protective of his younger sibling. He doesn't like it when they have to go out on a solo patrols. Not that he would ever admit it. Buddy knows this, of course.

“All righty then. See you in a bit Rattrap.”--Buddy

“Now at this time, at night, all by yourself. Yeah, fat chance bumpy.”--Rattrap

“Woah. Woah. Woah. Where do you think you’re going hot shot?”--Rattrap

“I’m going on patrol.”--Buddy

“Do you want to come then?”--Buddy

“Now why would I want to go on patrol with you? I got stuff to do here in the ship where its safe and warm.”--Rattrap

“Oh, okay then, I guess I can get Cheetor to come.”--Buddy

“Yeah right. And have him reveal your location in 5 seconds. Nope, give me a second to look for my blaster.”--Rattrap

“Thanks, I guess?”--Buddy

“Yeah, don’t mention it. Really don’t mention it.”--Rattrap

Buddy is extremely protective of Rattrap. As much as they don't like or understand much of his way with words, they do not tolerate anyone talking bad about him. Especially the jab is without reasoning. They have been known to defend Rattrap more times than they can count.

“Back off Dinobot!”--Buddy

“What?!”--Dinobot

“He didn’t mean it and that was uncalled for!”--Buddy

“…”--Dinobot

“… Okay maybe he did mean it but still uncalled for!”--Buddy

Unlike Rattrap, buddy will trust almost anyone/ anything. This puts Rattrap in edge every time. He has lost the number of times Buddy has tried to befriend or trust something the Predacons have said. He swears that they will be the death of him one of these days.

“Hey Rattrap! Theres a note from the Predacon’s ‘You can have some Energon goodies if you just come over the ridge. Enjoy!’ Wow, that’s nice of them.”--Buddy

“Buddy, I swear—THE ROPE IS RIGHT THERE HOW—and now your stuck upside down. Again.”--Rattrap

“Help?”--Buddy

“Yeah. Yeah. I got you kid. Primus this has been the 10th time this week.”—Rattrap

The other Maximals find it a bit hard to see Buddy even being remotely related to Rattrap. If anything, Buddy might have been related more to Rhinox than Rattrap. Rattrap knows this an is a bit self-conscious on the topic, not that he talks about it anyways.

“Maybe it’s like how he said that he is related to Arcee?”--Cheetor

“He’s related to who?!”--Dinobot

Optimus appreciates the way Buddy can reign in Rattraps attitude a bit when they are around. Optimus knows that those two have a good bond, a rare one that hasn’t been seen in a while. It’s nice though. Primal has learned not to question the loyalty between the siblings. He once went out on patrol with Buddy and Rattrap where they were ambushed by Waspinator and Terrosaur. Buddy insisted Optimus throw them up to help with the attack. He did it and it sent Rattrap into a small frenzy. When Buddy had gotten back down safely, Rattrap was trying to tear a new one in the leader before rushing over to see if Buddy was okay.

“Throw me!”—Buddy

“Are you sure?”--Optimus

“Absolutely Optimus!”--Buddy

“Wait what?”--Rattrap

“Okay Buddy, get ready!”--Optimus

“Wait what!”--Rattrap

“Weeeeee!!”--Buddy

“Buddy!”--Rattrap

“They’re fine Rattrap.”--Optimus

“You’re the one who isn’t going to be fine if they get so much as a dent Banana breath!”--Rattrap

“Rattrap—”--Optimus

“I swear if they don’t—”--Rattrap

“Hi guys.”--Buddy

“Buddy! Are you hurt? Are there any dents? What were you thinking? Did Primal hurt you?”--Rattrap

*Confused but happy Gorilla noises.*

Rhinox knows about the little talks here and there about Buddy being his long-lost sibling instead of Rattraps. He did humor it a bit at first thinking it wasn’t going to be too bad. Buddy had joined in just for good humor too.

But after a bit he doesn’t react too much.

Then he notices how Rattrap acts when the joke is brought up. He does his best to try and make his friend feel better after that. He does like Buddy’s nature and enjoys their little talks when they have the ship to themselves.

“You know Rattrap, Buddy and I’ve been talking.”--Rhinox

“Oh yeah? What about?”--Rattrap

“Buddy was telling me how they were worried about you when you came back late from patrol the other day. They seemed to miss their brother.”--Rhinox

“Oh okay…”--Rattrap

*Content rat noises.*

Cheetor doesn’t believe that sweet sensitive Buddy is related to dirty mouth Rattrap. The difference is night and day between those two. How is this possible? Buddy, due to them being younger is probably the closest age to Cheetor. Automatically making the two best friends. They have their own mini adventures from time to time. But no one knows about that. Most of the talking ends up being inside jokes that no one understands.

“Cheetor this isn’t like the Riverbed incident that thing will explode. Don’t use the blow torch this time.”--Buddy

“Oh, okay then. Thanks for the heads up!”--Cheetor

“Riverbed?”--Optimus

“Inccident?”--Rhinox

“Explode?!”—Rattrap

Dinobot wants a DNA test done immediately. He firmly believes that this is some trick that everyone is on. He does respect Buddy, however. Buddy was the first Maximal to greet him with open arms with kindness that he almost forgot existed. Then there’s their brother, Rattrap. The very bane of his existence. The thorn in his side. He can’t connect the dots at all.

“Hi Dinobot!”--Buddy

“Greetings…”--Dinobot

“How’s your day been?”--Buddy

“It’s been well.”--Dinobot

A little later

Rattrap tripping Dinobot with his tail

“Eat  floor Chomperface.”--Rattrap

*Confused and angry Dinobot noises*

Tigatron and Airazor like their teammate. Like many other the others, they don’t quite understand the siblings. But they are more understanding of their dynamics. Due to them being out of the base so much any time with Buddy is cherished. Sometimes they will ‘kidnap’ Buddy from the base to catch up on the latest things with the crew or the ship.

“And what did Dinobot do after that?”--Airazor

“Well Rattrap said he started making frustrated noises after he tripped him.”--Buddy

“I’m sensing something else to the story.”--Tigatron

“Don’t know really, you guys got me out before he told me the rest.”--Buddy

Silverbolt loves Buddy. They are his platonic soulmate. They are his number one in his book of friends because Black arachnia is his number one true love. Its common occurrence to see Buddy with him if they aren’t with Rhinox, Rattrap or Cheetor. Silverbolt asks love advice from Buddy all the time. Whether Buddy is in a relationship or not, they try their best to help their friend.

 Buddy is his wingman for life.

And helps decorate places he wants to bring his love to

“Buddy! My platonic soulmate!”--Silverbolt

“Silverbolt! My bestie in love!”--Buddy

*Offended and confused Cheetah and Spider noises.*

Blackarachnia in the beginning was confused by Buddy’s entire existence. Time and time again when she was with the Predacon’s Buddy would offer her a place within the Maximal ranks. Not matter what she threw verbally or physically, Buddy was stubborn in getting her to join. When she did join, thanks to Silverbolt, she was quite jealous of Buddy’s relationship with the Maximal.

She would never admit it though.

It would be until Silverbolt mentioned how Buddy helped pick the venue and some decorations for their definitely not date, that she would ease up on the Maximal.

“You really care about him don’t you.”--Buddy

“…Yeah, I guess I do.”—Black arachnia

“Good! Now remember, no one will find you if you hurt him.”--Buddy

“What?!”—Black arachnia

“I have some energon goodies, you want some?”--Buddy

“… Yes?...”—Black arachnia

Primus help the poor soul that makes Buddy cry.

Get prepared for the Maximal beating of a lifetime. No amount of time travel will help fix the damage that will come upon that body after they are even remotely done with it.

[wordpress-blaze-242421175]

Why Every Writer Should Build a Personal/Professional Codex

Challenges are like lofty and sophisticated mountains. At each step, we need to propel ourselves to experience the blissfulness at the cliff. In such situations, your motivation and a transparent purpose help to clear the obstacles, but having a loyal companion on this journey is invaluable. Right?

Mark my words. "Personal/Professional Codex" is a trusted companion that can accurately guide your journey. I've created this blog to share everything about the codex.

So, let's begin to understand, "Why Every Writer Should Build a Personal/Professional Codex?"

What is a Codex and its purpose?

Codex was the earliest form of compiling and preserving written information from around the 1st century AD and became the dominant format by the 4th century. It was the historical book format, where handwritten pages were bound together and turned into a formatted book.

Inspired by that structure, today, the codex refers to a personal/Professional guidebook where you write your beliefs, principles, vision, aspirational goals, purpose, affirmations, values, habits, boundaries, etc. It holds your deep vibrations about what you are and want to become.

The purpose of a codex is to maintain a structured manual that represents your true self. Its documented version creates a positive environment around people that forces them to believe in themselves. It works,

Builds transparency in your values, beliefs and goals.

Reminds you of your "why."

Develops a mindset to achieve what you decide.

A personal constitution that takes you on the right path.

It fills you with positive energy and focuses you towards your highs.

Encourages you to create the kingdom that you mentioned.

Outlines your process, builds consistency and professionalism.

Works as a trustworthy mentor who assists you accurately.

How a Codex works on the Human Brain, Vibrations & Universal attraction

I know these questions are arising in you. If a codex is so powerful, what is the science and study behind it? How does it create a positive impact on humans' lives? How does it help to create the perfect vibrations that match the universal energy?

So, let's find the answers.

We'll begin with some interesting scientific facts and studies.

Rewires your Brain

Have you heard about Neuroplasticity? It is the brain's incredible ability to change, adapt, and rewire itself throughout your life. The word "neuroplasticity" itself conveys its meaning, where "neuro" = brain, "plasticity" = ability to be moulded, which defines the brain as flexible like plastic. This ability works whenever the brain learn something new, practices that, or thinks a thought repeatedly. It strengthens neural connections and creates strong pathways.

The codex works on the exact science. It consciously integrates your identity and beliefs into your brain. In a codex, you share your thoughts, emotions, careers, affirmations, beliefs, etc. And while repeating those beliefs and actions, you program new neural circuits, which result in you beginning to think, feel, and act from your highest self, naturally.

Raises Vibrational Energy

Our human body is an assertive medium that can converse with the universe. We generate vibrations that connect to the universe and force it to respond. Every thought and emotion we carry has its vibrational energy. If you are in the low-vibrations, you are surrounded by fear, guilt, and doubt, which repel opportunities. However, high vibrations enhance love, purpose, gratitude, and confidence, which attract them.

A well-written codex always keeps your vibrations high. It fills you with positive energy, gratitude and growth. Reminds you of your vision for reducing fear. It keeps you happy, energetic and motivated so that you can release the high vibrational energies and work with the universal energy. The energy you give will be returned to you from the universe in another form. Here, like attracts like.

Activates Coherence between Heart, Mind and Body

The major obstacle in the journey is the battle between Heart and Mind. It is the toughest war without weapons.

HeartMath, a research-based institute, studied the connection between the Heart(emotions), the Brain and the Body. The same concept is also mentioned in the Sanatan Scriptures, including the Vedas, Upanishads, and Ayurveda, which states that the Heart, Brain and Body are connected.

An ideal codex makes you calm and clear. It balances your thoughts and creates a single path to move forward. Their words conclude the battle between the three because when you follow the codex, your emotions and brain enter a coherent state and instruct your body for appropriate actions. It helps to achieve victory in emotional intelligence and better decision-making. The codex binds all three in a thread.

Triggers the Law of Attraction

It is a scientific fact that everything happens in our lives; we are only responsible for attracting it. A book, "The Secrets," explains this concept- the law of attraction. I also mentioned it in my previous blog, "First, find your 'why?'"

The law of attraction never discriminates between what you want and what you don't want. It only listens to what you want. Either you say "I like poverty" or "I don't like poverty," and it gives you poverty. Our energy is magnetic, and a magnet attracts to the same elements. The universal energy works on the concept of like attracts like. The energy and vibrations we create, the universe grabs them and writes our destiny accordingly.

Our mind visualises pictures and develops vibrations accordingly. Those vibrations are sent to the universe. A human brain generates 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day. So, it is essential to think the right thoughts.

When we repeatedly visualise, affirm and read something that creates signals and energy. And that finally connects with the Universe.

The perfect codex helps to generate these precise signals by clearing our thoughts, desires and identity. The affirmations that we create in a codex enable us to emit positive and high signals so that they can attract our desirable future. The codex trains our subconscious to believe in ourselves. Once you get that, the universe also starts believing in you and is ready to align with you.

What are the essential elements a codex must include during writing?

Every individual has distinct commitments. And these commitments decide the need for elements in the codex.

I've searched and found some essential elements that a person must include to prepare a potent personal/professional codex.

Purpose statement: Your "why."

Core Values: Non-negotiable pledges, such as courage, discipline, integrity, kindness, etc.

Beliefs: Guiding principles about life, profession, relationships, etc.

Affirmations: Some positive statements that consistently remind you who you are and will become.

Boundaries: Standards you will never compromise.

Health & Wellness: Nurturing yourself through nutrition, exercise, and Yoga.

Vision/Goals: What do you want to be known for?

Habits: Routines that keep you aligned.

Growth Mindset: Continuous improvement and becoming better.

Impact & Contribution: The positive change you want to create for others.

How can a codex help in a writing career?

When we have our purpose, "why I am writing," goal becomes clear, fluency comes naturally, and self-doubt vanishes.

Do you agree with me?

The codex works identically.

It works as a discipline coach that always reminds you of your goals. It prepares you to be a capable one. It devotes you profoundly so the universe starts working for you with your why.

It clarifies your purpose: hooks you with your "why" and helps you to remain focused and grounded, even during rejections.

Keeps you consistent: helps to follow writing routines with discipline that builds faith in the process.

Sharpens your writing skills and style: the more clearly a writer articulates their feelings, the more the audience begins to recognise.

Sets Boundaries: Guides you to avoid distractions or chasing hollow goals. It keeps you aligned with your writing career and filters your energy towards values.

Visible Growth: It works as a living document that evolves with you. You experience the growth, creativity and focused mindset.

How does a personal/professional codex become a secret weapon in scriptwriting?

Scriptwriting is the work of emotions and techniques. Every element, whether logline, character development, 3Act Structure, Plot, synopsis or script, needs time, techniques and consistency. Many times, writers struggle to complete the script and start worrying. Their morals begin to decline, and they're tired. They find it easy to leave their script rather than making more effort. It is the biggest mistake many writers make.

Scriptwriting/Screenwriting is one of the most challenging tasks. A potential script can take years to make itself a perfect one. For that, a writer should remain motivated, focused and aimed.

Here, the personal/professional codex becomes the secret weapon for scriptwriters.

It preserves the writer's identity: Which genre, styles, and format writers choose, and how they articulate it. It creates a signature voice that helps writers to feel confident and settle into the industry.

Provides an accurate path: Helps to find clarity and purpose at each step. A writer begins to work on their final target and tries to move forward.

Maintain consistency: Momentum and discipline are the prominent success keys in the writing journey, and a codex assists in achieving that key.

Keeps you motivated: Build trust in writers. Inspire and encourage them to write profoundly so that they are willing to rewrite and make changes multiple times if the script demands.

Provides Toolkits of Standards: A success toolbox that shapes greatness. It suggests high-quality writing habits and techniques.

Elements that a writer must add to their scriptwriter/screenwriter's Codex.

If the next successful scriptwriter/screenwriter is reading this blog, you must need these elements:

My purpose as a screenwriter/scriptwriter

My core storytelling beliefs

Metrics to evaluate my writing

My writing goals(both immediate and aspirational)

Audience, my writing serves

Title of my first/ next(short/feature film/webseries)

Past things that connect me with writing

Challenges I face as a writer

My writing strengths (Credibility Factors)

Levels of Commitment to My Writing

Writing Techniques I Want to Master/Improve

Outcomes I Want to Achieve as a Writer

Change I want to create in society.

These are points that my knowledgeable, warm and respected mentors, Mrs. Sweta Samota Mam(Author) and Mr. Ankit Kothari Sir(Screenwriter), taught me. I've learned, applied and created my screenwriting Codex. Now, it's your turn.

In this constantly changing world, staying organised, inspired, and focused can be quite challenging.

That's why Codex comes and keeps you on track.

I hope you will find this blog valuable.

Don't wait, create your Codex now and let the universe work for you.

Source: Why Every Writer Should Build a Personal/Professional Codex

[professionalranter31]

So I mentioned in a previous post how Overwatch has a lot of factions that aren’t expanded upon a lot, so I’ve got a list of my top five that are currently represented and my top five that I wish got representation

We’ll start with the ones that currently have representation

Number five is Oasis, represented by Moira who is their Minister of Genetics however we do know in lore that there are other ministers so they could be playable in the future or someone else who works within Oasis

In the same vein as Oasis at Number four we got the Atlantic Arcology which is represented by Lifeweaver. It’s a similar place to Oasis where many great minds live in order to try and further research in various fields and I just feel like both of them should have more representation given the significance they most likely have with advancements in the Overwatch Universe

Number Three is Blackwatch, we only know of four of them and one them also doubles as representation for Overwatch. I want to know more about the black ops of Overwatch, like, did they have a tank?

Number two is the MEKA Squad, with what we know of them in lore is surprisingly little and I’m gonna be honest the vibes I’ve gotten from the lore is that D.Va does most of the work and I want to be proven wrong about that. Plus, the Genshin are meant to be this big threat but it’s hard to take it as a threat when we are only able to see the capabilities of one of Korea’s defenders

And at Number One, the Inti Tribe because why the absolute FUCK is Illari labeled as its only defender!? No seriously, she is fucking 18 why is she treated in lore as her tribe’s only defender. If she was their tribe’s only sun warrior that’s a different thing but she’s working with others to defend their tribe but the Sun Warriors made up the bulk of the defenses so at least then it still gives to the tragedy of her explosion while not leaving the literal eighteen year old as the only defender of an entire giant tribe I want an explanation Blizzard!!! I will crawl into your office like a demon possessed and tear through whatever lore books you have in there to find my answers give them to me!!!

On to the factions that don’t have representation within Overwatch that I feel should have it

At Number five we got the Hashimoto. They’re meant to Kiriko’s main enemy and as of the recent Hanzo short story his as well but they just feel like a dime a dozen goons from what we have seen. Like how Null Sector began to feel like more of a threat after Ramattra was added I feel like the Hashimoto would be seen as more dangerous if we actually got a hero to represent them

At Number Four, the Gwishin. Sort of the same story like with the Hashimoto except we do have some idea of what they are capable of, no what I want a hero to represent them for is how they happened in the first place and how they are able to adapt like they do

At Number three the Wastelanders of Australia, they’re the outcasts of the junkers and what Junker Queen used to be when she was exiled. It shows a new perspective on the Australian Wasteland that’s different from the Junkers

At Number two we got the UN. Look, given how big of a deal the UN is in the larger story of Overwatch I just feel like having a hero to represent them would be pretty good in terms of lore and generally either a character who is morally grey or a villain

At Number one we have the God AI. We currently know the names of four God AI, Anubis, Chernobog, Xibalba, and Macaria. Given the massive importance the God AI have in the lore of Overwatch I’m genuinely surprised that not one of them has been made into a playable hero. I’m also kinda impressed that Blizzard hasn’t released a hero that is just them taking a god from mythology and translating that into an FPS. Anyway, given the various purposes the AI had there’s plenty of ways to design their kits around it and there have been hints that some of the God AI achieved some level of Sentience such as Chernobog’s lore. So yeah, I want them represented in game

[meteor752]

Episode 6 and 7 thoughts

This will now be a regular thing

Also im writing this as I go

Episode 6

So Izzy thought Ed was Roach. Huh. Does he and Roach talk regularly? <- Coming from a Rizzy shipper

“Do weeeee?” Fang I love you

Oh my god, Frenchie and Jim coming to Ed and Stede like they’re kids asking if their cousins can sleep over

The crew going shoppiiiiiiiiing!!!

Frenchie’s lil dancey dance added many years to my life

Ed being nice and giving kids mon- oh never mind, oh that’s a knife okay. Ed never have kids please

“Don’t pirate kids” well listen okay I don’t have HBO Max it’s the only way I can watch this show

MY QUEEN

Wee John you’re so beautiful and amazing and we don’t deserve you

Jim’s lil mustache, like yeah me too <- Non-Binary person

Stede looks so happy about seeing Wee John!! He’s so proud of his son!

Izzy is gorgeous. I’m actually so happy to see him explore more sides of himself, and to find things he can indulge in. This whole season has really just been Izzy’s big therapy arc

His hair makes him look a bit like Cinderella’s evil stepmother though

Oh he can sing too! Izzy!!! <- A person who did not like Izzy in season one

Wee John X Izzy? Roach X Fang?

YO THE

POLYCULE DANCING?!

Ed protecting Stede….just, immediately putting him behind himself…I just…

I rewatched that clip five times

“Because I only hang out with cool pirates” Stede’s face!!! He’s just like Oh Snapppp

Despite it all, Stede and Ed are still the cutest couple that has ever graced the TV screen. Like hell yeah, make fun of people together!

Ed keeps being protective…..okay I need a moment…

Roach you’re a lunatic and I love you

“Whatever this is it’s just gonna turn me on” Izzy you’re a shining star

Also I just now noticed that Black Pete and Lucius aren’t there. I’m guessing they eloped somewhere and are currently taking care of their adopted cat

Nope okay, literally the second I unpaused there they are. That’s the worst timing

Hell yeah my dudes, I hope you broke whatever bed you used

“I’m just doing it for the lolz” Yeah that’s sounds like something someone from the 1700s would say

I know this is a pirate ship but why do they just have so many knives and swords laying about

Who is this fanged torture queen, and how do I acquire her number?

Stede remains best employer, while Aziraphale is the best landlord. Can these two people just run the world please and thank you

Hell Cat Maggie is my soulmate

I feel like there needs to be a pirate workers union

The crew of the revenge is the best found family of all time

Stede Bonnet can rival Steven Universe in reforming villains, like he’s just such a genuinely nice dude

“Alright gang! Let’s talk profit sharing”

Oh protective Stede, alright let’s go mate defend your mans

Okay but why is Stede kinda 👀 in this scene

Oh Stede, love…

OH THEY FAWHKING

That French? Izzy speaks french?

I want to see that man get dicked down

I guess the revenge now has a pet goat

Episode 7

Okay Ed is a soft boy again, aight

NO NOT THE LEATHER JACKET

The anime toast in mouth thing. He’s officially been baby girl for a long while, but we’re really solidifying it

OH THEY FUCKED

Isn’t there an anime where a mob boss becomes a house wife? Yeah that’s Ed

Oh we’re telling him about the mermaid fantasy, okay

Izzy what the fuck, you’re amazing

“He’s jealous” my darling

The polycule is going strong, and I love the absolute lack of jealousy. This is the best representation I have ever had

Oh they’re going on a date! That’s so sweet actually

It’s really sweet that they’re talking about their time apart

Stede’s famous now? Good for him!

I need to stop falling in love with every pirate lady In this show. That being said, I hope we see more of the fangirl lady

I’m reinforcing my claim that Stede and Ed are cuter than anything that has ever been on screen

OH MY GOD SWEDE

The Söt Och Saftig, my love. Also this far in and this is the first time the character “The Swede” actually says something in Swedish

Scammer Frenchie is back in business, love that

Jim and Archie trying to get their boyfriend set up is very sweet actually

The character development of Izzy going from wanting Ed to remain “Blackbeard” to him saying if being a softie makes him happy then he should do that, like I get it now, I know why you all love this man

OH MY FUCKING GOD STEDE

Can’t believe Stede is an official Slut now

Open communication? Like genuine conversation about their relationship, and the pace they’re taking it? Ed being honest that he’s not ready for the steps they’re taking in their relationship?

What is this argument

I live for Lucius and Black Pete’s nicknames for each other

“I’ve only known you for a few hours Bonnet, but I’d fucking die for ya” Same random dude. Same

Izzy🥹

Zheng and Olu are really cute actually

Oh my god the polycule will end my fucking life

DONT BRING ED INTO THIS ZHENG

“That was really mean” YOU TELL HER STEAK KNIFE

Protective Jim my beloved

Oh my god

Roach and Fang friendship?

Roach is the queen of self care

[sirenlioncourt]

modern au

"Jenny, pick some apples, please! I'm going to make apple pie!"

“Mom, my name is Shadowheart,” the girl, dressed all in black, reminded her, but still went to fulfill her request. She wasn't even that fond of apples and apple pie, but her mood was too changeable at that age. Maybe she'll eat a piece later, doing her mother a favor; maybe she really will gobble it all up in one go with great pleasure and only make a face for show. She hasn't decided yet.

Life on a small farm was relaxed, but very monotonous: too boring. Jenny wanted something more interesting, like the mysterious rituals from horror films that her mother forbade her to watch in the evenings. But all that remained was to dream and write down interesting observations in a personal diary. Perhaps when she goes to university, everything will become much more cheerful than this dull farm life and she will leave here for a dormitory.

The apples were green and hard, just pick them and eat them now. These are just perfect for a pie: large and sour.

The girl took a basket with her to put it all in and put it under the tree. She jumped slightly to catch the branch and pulled it towards her.

"Ah-ah-ah!" someone yelled above her, because this branch served as part of his support, because of which someone not very large, but still very heavy, fell on Shadowheart from above, immediately crushing her with his weight.

"Aouch!" She lay down under the tree and rubbed her cheek next to her nose. A broken branch cut across her face and left a shallow cut, which immediately began to bleed slightly. "Get off me!"

The girl pushed the stranger off her and looked angrily in his direction. A boy appeared before her, a little shorter than her, with beautiful white curls, looking about fourteen years old, absolutely frightened either by her reaction or by the fact that he had been caught red-handed. One of the apples was clutched tightly in his hand.

"Are you stealing our apples?" She continued to frown, lifting him from the ground by his chest.

“N-no,” despite direct evidence of this, the boy continued to lie to her. He was almost half a head shorter than her and was truly afraid of Shadowheart. "You are beautiful."

He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind to defend himself - and he was right. This took the new acquaintance by surprise, and she let him go, feeling slightly embarrassed. The plan was a success. True, he himself did not yet understand whether he lied or actually found her attractive.

“Very funny,” Shadowheart took the apple from him. "Who are you and where are you from?"

"Astarion. From the Szarr estate. Please don't tell my stepfather that I was here!" according to his request, he was not very eager to receive punishment for such a thing. "I was going to leave home. I needed food with me…"

"From the Szarr estate?" Shadowheart was sincerely surprised. “But they buy everything fresh from our family. Why steal… Why leave home? It's such a luxurious estate there. Literally all of my classmates dream of living in it…"

Shadowheart hesitated.

"I heard that the owner of the house seems to have children, but I haven’t met anyone yet… Do you even go to school there or are you homeschooled?"

Astarion just sighed:

"Homeschooled. I really need to leave home…"

"Jenny, where have you gone?" her mother called, leaning out of the window of the house. Astarion tensed and hid behind a tree so that no one would see him.

"I'm coming now!" she answered her. “And I’m not Jenny,” she muttered under her breath with dissatisfaction.

"Who then?" he asked quietly from behind the tree.

"Shadowheart."

Having collected the required number of apples for herself, the girl nevertheless took pity on the new guest, who still did not leave, despite her threatening appearance, and left him several apples under the tree so that he would not have to climb up again.

After this meeting, she did not see him for a long time. Perhaps he really ran away from home. Perhaps he finally came to his senses and returned home. Every time she saw the Szarr estate from afar, she tried to guess what was happening there, if someone wanted to leave this luxurious place of their own free will. But still, Shadowheart chalked it up to a typical boyish desire to go on adventures after watching stupid cartoons. Although since then she wanted to get a little closer to the estate.

The end of July passed in such thoughts and the remaining days of the hot summer quickly flew by. Black clothes were far from the best choice for this weather, but Jenny had no intention of being like her normie parents. She grew up a little more over the summer and fell into the occult with even greater interest, hiding books of witchcraft from her mother under the bed, because for just one volume of “The Witches’ Hammer” her mother would give her a long and boring lecture.

[myosotis-garden]

Kotoko Milgram having a relationship with a shy but affectionate F/GN reader

Yuzuriha Kotoko x Shy!Affectionate!F/GN!Reader

Fluff (HC + Drabble)

CW : None i think

I apologize this took sooo long !! I hope you'll enjoy it though 'v'

~ Headcanons ~

Kotoko would absolutely love a shy reader, why? Well because she could protect you !

Even at first when you two weren’t in a relationship she had this urge to protect you, since usually shy people don't dare defend themselves.

But thankfully Kotoko is here to protect you and she is really good at it.

She would be overprotective I think, not in a bad way… Just be prepared for her to kick the ass of anyone who will bother you.

A man catcalled you in the street? She’s running after him to beat him up. Someone looked at you the wrong way? She is already grabbing their collar. Someone laughed while you were trying to open up? Kotoko’s fist is already on their face. A friend chooses a +4 card on you while playing uno? This friend is already running for their life.

It’s obvious now but you would be her number 1 priority, she would make your needs come first.

As exemple if you two are in a restaurant she asks you what you want right away so that way she could talk to the waitress at your place.

Or another exemple, if you’re at a friend's place and your friends propose some drinks, she would ask you first what you want and then reply to your friend for you.

She would absolutely encourage you to open up, giving you tips, though she would never force you and would be proud at any progress you make.

Since you’re shy she would be but so happy when you’re affectionate to her and she would praise any progress you make !

One time for Valentine's Day, you offered her paper flowers and she was in heaven, especially when you explained that paper flowers have even more meaning and love to them because they’re handmade and take time.. (You struggled and it took 5 minutes for you to say it but Kotoko was extremely happy so it was worth it)

I feel like she would be very open with a shy reader, like she would completely let her mask fall and show her true self to reader, she would be more vulnerable and more open about her feelings… :

~ Drabble ~

You were coming back from a party with friends, it was supposed to be a good night but things went a bit out of hand when a friend made a hurtful remark about how you never stand up for yourself and should stop being too dependent on your girlfriend. Obviously Kotoko went to defend you but it was almost proving your friend’s point and so a huge fight began… You guys left before Kotoko punches someone.

After a few minutes you were both back home. As you sit down on the couch, Kotoko follows you with a bittered expression.

“Are you okay..?” You hesitantly ask, already knowing the response to your question but you still want to check up on your girlfriend.

Kotoko just sighs and walks toward the couch, sitting down and then she lays her head on your lap. You hesitate for a bit but you lay your hand on her head, running your fingers through her hair, she sighs again but this time it seems more like a relaxed sigh.

After thinking for a bit she replies to your question. “I’m okay I guess… But I feel like I'm at fault for what happened back there… You had to hear those hurtful words because of me”. You quickly shake your head at her reply.

“No no ! Nothing is your fault, I… I'm really grateful that you’re always helping me!” You smile, Kotoko turns her head to look at you and you gently caress her cheeks. “... You promise ?” She asks.

You nod, your hand trembling slightly, you’re not used to sharing your honest thoughts like this, but you really want to say what you think to your girlfriend even though you’re shy, she deserves to know.

Kotoko smiled as he sat down next to you. “Love…” She gently rubs your face the same way you did to her. “You made so much progress, you know that?”. You nod a bit, biting your lips, embarrassed but happy that your girlfriend praised your progress. “Those people don’t deserve you, I hope they would acknowledge your progress too” She says with a pained smile.

You shake your head slightly “It’s okay.. as long.. as long as you understand me it’s okay…” You say with a blush on your face, your voice so soft it’s almost inaudible as embarrassment fills your body.

Kotoko feels like her heart is going to explode at the sight of you saying such a sweet thing. “Oh my.. Love, I need you to stop being this cute.” She can’t help but have a small blush on her cheek as she looks at you.

Before you can even respond, you feel Kotoko’s soft lips pressed against yours… It only lasted a few seconds but this kiss made you even more embarrassed, as you squirmed and fidgeted with your shirt. Kotoko chuckles and then gently whispers to you “I love you, darling..”

Thank you to @altea-devotion for helped me find some inspiration, go check her out she's amazing ♡

[tigerbears]

THANK YOU SM FOR THE TRANS UTDR VIDEO ESP THE SEAM MENTION BC IM SEAMS NUMBER ONE FIGHTER FOR MISGENDERING THEYRE MY FAVE DR CHARACTER I always feel like that one meme of the knight shielding the princess whenever I correct ppl on their pronouns and get to show off the clip of Mr Fox himself saying it lol, also speaking of tysm for pointing out the issue of him not addressing things— bc man I love the guy but sir Please start actually saying stuff bc this fanbase is too illiterate for you to just smile and wave when it comes to the characters identities,,, esp due to it being such a huge topic of discourse, buuuuut I also don’t blame him for the being overwhelmed part, like I said I agree with like every point you made you were so eloquent through out the whole video thank you sm just aaaaugh punches wall and jumps up and down <3

Completely off topic but I wanna rant abt something for a moment (hence why I’m now sending this w anon and not my blog) but the video reminded me of something that happened to my friend in which she made a post on her UTDR related ask blog which was really simple just a “hey don’t misgender Kris/frisk/chara on my blog” and that was basically it. That was the post. BUT. She had vaguely mentioned the glitchtale and Xtale aus in the tags just bc those came to mind first as big fandom things that misgendered the kids, and SPECIFICALLY she wrote she didn’t know as much abt xtale though and that it was just as I said from the top of her head. And wouldn’t you know! The creator of xtale saw the post and took it to fucking HEART. Like made this whole personal long ass rant in a rb over this simple “hey don’t be transphobic on my own personal blog” post. And then, and I’m not joking, EVERY SINGLE comment, tag, RB, you name it, was ALL harassing her or siding w Xtales creator, the only people defending her were her mutuals, and this was a small blog to boot— this wasn’t some big huge blog going after xtale specifically— it was a small blog making a post aimed at the follower circle just offhandedly mentioning it IN THE TAGS. so this explosion just took a massive toll on her and us. Thus any time I see that au or the creator i just get the most sour feeling like Man I Hate They’re Still So Popular Despite That Shit :(((( so the fact a similar situation happened (at least based on what you described in the vid) just made me remember that was all, just like a feeling of “wow we really haven’t changed at all in like two years have we. :/“

sorry I rambled for so long lol I just got reminded of that situation and wanted an excuse to get it off my chest, again as I said I absolutely loved the video and all the points made and I love the inclusion of swatch as someone who was there for the whole they/them to he/him event :3 and again as I said as a huge seam fan ty for including them bc they’re always overlooked in the NB conversation and I just love any mention of them lol,, my favorite elderly wizard kitty plush <33333

Glad people are enjoying the pronouns essay! I worked really hard with it and I'm glad to see it's at least correcting the narrative.

Though with the X-Tale thing, that's something I'll have to look in to and fact check because I prefer not to spread rumors without evidence. (Not saying it didn't happen; just with the whole "Legends of Localization" misinformation fiasco this fandom has a habit of making s--t up, and thus I want evidence, and while I appropriate your support a little annoyed that it has some X-Tale drama attached that I'm probably to tired to factcheck. Sucks if it's true though; Apologies for any snappiness I just woke up to the success of the pronouns essay and I'm about to go look at all the YT comments.)

I don't like drama and there's a reason the pronouns essay avoided throwing any stones directly at those "guilty."

[nodulemodule]

I tried my hand at some Shadamy kids!

I’m not sure what to name them and I will definitely be redesigning them a bit, but I’m open to suggestion. (AKA, PLEASE send name suggestions) Honestly, coming up with headcannons was the most fun part so I’ll put that here

The daughter (right) is eight years old. She’s mild mannered and quite introverted. She needs her alone time but struggles to communicate boundaries. Luckily, Shadow understands this more than anyone and is usually there to teach her how to communicate her wants and needs and look out for her. She’s very quiet, and is often wearing a blank expression on her face, which other kids may find weird or unnerving. Really, she’s just neurodivergent, lol. She’s very family-oriented and protective of her brother. Despite being very subdued there is a hidden rage to her and she will defend her family with intense furosity. And despite not showing it conventionally, she is a deeply passionate kid, with a whole lot of love for the world around her. Oftentimes her parents will just watch her and marvel at the unique way she views the world. You can’t tell what’s going on just by her face but it’s clear she’s absolutely fascinated with the world and in love with everything. In short, she’s a sweetiepieand an artist with an immense amount of curiosity and reverence for the world she’s been gifted with, and she will grow up to do amazing things.

The son (left), who is 5, is just a little ball of energy. Extremely picky, opinionated, and hot-headed. Basically, he got all of Shadow and Amy’s rage. Despite this, he’s just a little scamp with an intense sense of justice. He’s the one who would stick up for a kid getting bullied on the playground and proceed to rip the bully to shreds. He loves to run around, cause messes, and play the hero. While it’s clear he got a lot of those traits from his parents, it’s also due to the fact that he adores his “uncle Sonic” to pieces and is his number one fan. Just imagine Shadow trying to work and his son going on and on about how Sonic could beat Shadow in a fight and Shadow is seething but Amy insists it’s a phase he’ll grow out of. Despite being a huge fan of Sonic, he still looks up to his dad immensely and will often try to be just like him too. He wants to be just as strong as his dad. Their son is a crybaby, a fanboy, and a little ball of sunshine and rage who loves his family dearly, and they love him too.

As for the siblings relationship to each other, I imagine the son would tire the daughter out very quickly, but she would sort of pull through it because she loves him and enjoys spending time with him and teaching him things. She loves reading to him and giving him piggyback rides and feeling like an influence in his life. The son also knows how sweet and sensitive his sister is and will defend her until the end. He loves rambling about stuff to her because he knows she’s listening to every word. They might fight occasionally because the son gets too rambunctious or the daughter gets overwhelmed and shuts her brother down too harshly, but they’re both fiercely protective of each other as well as the rest of the family and know each other well enough to work it out, not to mention their parents taught them well.

As for Shadow and Amy as parents, they struggle to fulfill parental roles in different ways but each find their footing. Amy is able to fulfill a domestic role relatively easy but is still filled with anxiety about motherhood, possibly to the point of postpartum anxiety. Of course, She’s able to work through it out of dedication and love for her kids as well as support from Shadow. She babies the hell out of her son, he’s her special little boy. She struggles to relate to her daughter as she gets older and starts developing her own personality, but they still spend a lot of time together and her daughter adores her. She takes a lot of pride in teaching her kids how to take care of themselves by cooking and cleaning despite swaddling them a bit too much, and is endlessly proud of them.

Shadow does a lot of thinking prior to becoming a father and forms a very particular idea of the father he wants to be. He struggles at first, but loves his family enough to stick to his guns. He might not have the best idea of how to raise a kid at first, attempting to teach his daughter to shoot a gun at only 4 years old which Amy has to put a stop to. But, this comes with the benefit of him not seeing his kids as children, but as people. He tries his best to understand them on a personal level and is incredibly thoughtful and understanding. He’s not always in agreement with Amy and her parenting methods, thinking they should raise them to be more independent, but still respects her instincts as a mother. Overall he’s caring and patient, and often gives them a lot of sage advice and is honest with his kids. He wants them to be able to stay strong and take care of themselves but also let’s them have the childhood he never had. Amy swaddles them sure, but Shadow spoils the hell out of them. He will build them all sorts of play sets and let them travel all sorts of places. He’s incredibly flattered and proud of how much his kids take interest in him and his work, but he also tries to protect them from it somewhat. Overall, Amy and Shadow are just trying their best because they love each other and their kids so so much and are doing a great job.

Also, if you were to lay so much as a finger on their kids, you’re dead. You’re fucking dead. They will fucking absorb the chaos emeralds to annihilate you. They are so mad and so in love.

Anyway, that was a long ramble. In short, their kids are beautiful little goobers and they are all full of so much love. I wanna do more with this and work on it a bit more but let me know what you think and PLEASE suggest some names. Perhaps if people are engaged enough I’ll put up a poll and let y’all decide on names. Anyway, thanks for letting me brain dump :P

[ejzah]

A/N: This is the third story I’ve written, showing a possible future for Kensi and Deeks. I dedicate this story to all my Tumblr friends, everyone who has supported my writing over the years, and for all Kensi, Deeks, and Densi loving fans.

I will continue to write fanfic for this fandom after the finale as I have many WIPs and more stories I’d like to tell, but this one is to honor the characters I’ve come to cherish and give them the best send off I can think of.

***

We Couldn’t Be Happier

“Oh my god, baby,” Kensi gasped, clutching Deeks’ head against her, fingers anchored in his hair as he gently sucked the soft spot beneath her jaw. He increased the pressure suddenly and Kensi rocked forward, squeezing her legs tightly around his hips at the same time as he thrust upward.

She made a high-pitched noise in response, little tremors starting in her stomach. Deeks grinned into her neck, his own breath ragged, skin slick as he moved in rhythm with her.

“Kensi, look at me,” he said, tipping her chin up to meet his so they were pressed forehead to forehead. Her lips brushed against his with every breath, her hardened nipples pressed against his chest, and as they stared into one another’s eyes, Kensi’s breath caught, her entire body quivering, and clenching around Deeks. He gasped with her, hips thrusting a few more times before he joined her.

Kensi collapsed into Deeks, waves of pleasure still rolling through her. She blindly searched for Deeks’ hands, a little lightheaded, and twined their fingers together. Deeks’ other hand settled on the base of her spine.

“Wow,” Kensi whispered hoarsely, laughing breathlessly as she dropped her head onto Deeks’ damp shoulder.

“Yeah. Not sure I can move.”

“Then I think we did it right.” She gave his collar bone a clumsy kiss. Moving carefully, Deeks laid down, somehow still keeping Kensi cradled to his chest.

“I’m starving,” Kensi said few minutes later.

“Well, somebody was pretty eager to get to the festivities,” Deeks teased.

“Um, I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Oh no, zero complaints. But I did plan on sushi before you derailed our plans with the extremely enticing words, “I need my sex machine”.”

Kensi groaned, having absolutely no defense, and they both knew it. She let her forehead fall onto his shoulder again with a light thump.

“Look, you know how I feel about those pants on you. It’s like you were teasing me all day,” she defended herself.

“And based on the number of times you explored the contents of said pants today, you didn’t seem to mind. But that’s ok, I can wear my cargo pants tomorrow.”

Kensi lifted her head off his shoulder, mildly alarmed by the suggestion. “Don’t you dare.”

“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought.”

Grinning, Deeks rolled Kensi onto her back, sliding his palms up her sides. Kensi pulled his head down to her mouth, just as her stomach growled loudly.

“Right, food,” he said, sitting up with a sigh. “I guess we better get dressed.”

“Or…” Kensi walked her fingers up his chest. “You could DoorDash,” she suggested innocently.

“I like the way you think Mrs. Deeks. Maki rolls and miso to go,” Deeks said, leaning over to grab his phone.

“Best husband ever. Ooh, and don’t forget the spring rolls and seaweed salad!”

He put in their order, tossed his phone to the side, and rolled back to face Kensi. “It’s going to be about 45 minutes.”

“I think I know the perfect thing to pass the time,” Kensi said, welcoming him back into her arms.

***

9 Weeks Later

Kensi submitted her after case report, closing her laptop with a sigh of relief. Five o’clock could not come soon enough. Usually, she didn’t start feeling the drag of early mornings and long days until mid-week, but today she’d woken up exhausted.

“Hey, I was thinking I could get sushi tonight,” Deeks said, leaning over Kensi’s desk. The word sushi had taken on a knew connotation for them recently, and Kensi felt a hint of desire even though she was sure Deeks hadn’t intended it that way.

“Oh baby, I’d love to, but I’m so tired. I just want to go home and sleep,” she said, yawning at the mention of sleep. She thought about chugging the rest of her coffee, but the idea turned her stomach.

“Still?” Deeks’ playfulness turned to concern as he reached out to cup her cheek, brows furrowing. “You’ve felt off for the last two weeks. Maybe you should go to the minute clinic and get checked out.”

Kensi groaned, not wanting to put in the effort or time required for any kind of medical visit. Yet, she also knew Deeks was right, and he wouldn’t relax until she did.

“Ok, I’ll go tomorrow morning. You can break the news to Kilbride.”

“Gee, thanks.” He made a face, dropping a kiss on her temple. “Alright, I’ll make you some nice soothing chicken soup.

“Mm, with chipotle sauce. And dumplings,” Kensi added, eliciting another face from Deeks.

“With a side of tums.”

“Ooh, or a frittata with extra cheese, broccoli, and paprika.”

“Not exactly what I’d call comforting, but whatever my Ladybird desires,” Deeks agreed, tugging her into his side.

***

Kensi woke up the next morning to an empty bed and the sun shining through the curtains. Rolling onto her side, she found a folded piece of note paper on Deeks’ pillow. She opened it, smiling at Deeks’ familiar handwriting.

“Kensalina, my moon and my stars,

Breakfast is in the toaster, Rosa’s at school, don’t forget your appointment is at 9.

Love,

Your charming and adorable husband.

P.S. Kilbride says get better fast or else.”

Kensi rolled back onto her pillow, rubbing her hands over her face. By the time she and Deeks got home last night, she’d been so tired she’d fallen asleep before dinner. Thank god Deeks had been shouldering all the slack, because she’d really been dragging the last couple of weeks.

She pushed up on her elbows, wincing when her stomach cramped unpleasantly. Great, just what she needed on top of a virus. Dragging herself into the bathroom, she opened the small cabinet under the sink, grabbing a box of tampons.

Last month she’d luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, missed her cycle altogether. As the thought ran through her head, Kensi’s eye landed on a smaller box of pregnancy tests tucked almost in the corner. She froze, a dozen little details clicking into place all at once.

“Don’t be crazy, Kensi,” she muttered to herself, even as her recent exhaustion, unusual food preferences, and random bouts of queasiness made sense.

Shoving the box to the back of the cabinet, Kensi stood and jerkily yanked off her clothes, heading for the shower. She’d been here before; every time she’d convinced herself that she was finally pregnant, the tests were negative. She wasn’t going to put herself, or Deeks, through that turmoil again.

Her shower was far less enjoyable than she’d anticipated. Her thoughts kept circling, a constant debate between what she wanted and what a half dozen doctors had confirmed would require wishing on a star, magic beans, and an act of God. She could not get pregnant. That was simply a fact and no amount of stress or mild viruses could change that.

She climbed out of the shower, eyes drawn to the bathroom cabinet again despite her best efforts. Muttering at herself, Kensi hurried into the bedroom, pulling out clothes and tossing them on the bed. She dressed mechanically, putting her t-shirt on without thinking and giving a perfunctory glance in the mirror.

After that, she headed into the kitchen and filled a tumbler with coffee from the fresh pot Deeks had left warming, adding some cream. The breakfast Deeks had promised consisted of eggs, bacon, and toast, but she couldn’t even think of eating right now. She scooped it all into a Pyrex container, more for the distraction than because she planned to eat it later, and then wiped down the counters—which were already fairly spotless thanks to Deeks’ cleaning obsession.

That left her with a whole half hour before she needed to leave for her appointment. It wasn’t enough time for a workout and she didn’t really feel like it anyway. So, she headed back into the living room, straightening the already neat throw pillows (damn, why did Deeks have to be such a wonderful neat freak?), gathered a few of Rosa’s abandoned school supplies into a pile, and reorganized their dishes into an arrangement that was neither particularly useful or aesthetically pleasing.

“Damn it,” she sighed again when she checked her watch and only ten minutes had passed.

This was ridiculous. She might as well confirm what she already knew so she could stop obsessing over it. Stalking back to the bathroom, Kensi grabbed the box of pregnancy tests, setting them on the counter with a smack, and tore open one of the little foil packets.

A few minutes later, she sat on the closed toilet, foot tapping relentlessly on a tile, eyes glued to the strip carefully placed on a piece of paper towel while she waited for her phone alarm to countdown from ten minutes. She’d forgotten how absolutely anxiety-inducing the entire process was.

What was she thinking? It was beyond stupid to put herself through this again. Thank god Deeks had already left. She couldn’t imagine getting his hopes up again. Or worse, seeing his lack of hope.

Watching his optimism slowly disappear with each successive negative test, each fertility appointment with sympathetic doctors, and more aggressive treatment, had been almost more agonizing than her own pain.

The sharp chime of her alarm startled her out of her musings, and she jerked, fumbling a little as she rushed to silence the noise even though no one else was around to hear it.

Shifting forward, she picked up the strip, then froze. Kensi stared at two fully red lines, vibrant stripes of color on white, not quite processing them. She ran her fingers over the spot, as if the evidence might be a figment of her imagination. “Oh,” she whispered. “Oh.”

Then she dumped out the rest of the box, grabbing two more strips. Another ten minutes later, she held them both in shaking hands, staring down at the pair of equally vivid red lines.

Pressing her free hand over her mouth, she sank to the floor, back against the wall, tears of joy and shock leaking down her cheeks.

Laughing a little hysterically, Kensi grabbed her phone, and found the number to the minute clinic.

“Hi, I need to cancel my appointment.”

***

Kensi was positively giddy as she led Deeks into the house, a sleep mask obscuring his vision. All she’d told him was that he couldn’t come home from his surfing group until 5. When he arrived, she greeted him at the door with the aforementioned sleep mask and a mysterious smile while she blocked his view to inside the house.”

Despite his curiosity, Deeks didn’t object, letting Kensi lead him by the hand.

“This is certainly an intriguing addition to date night. I didn’t realize we were going kinky. I would have worn my leather pants,” he drawled, grinning down in Kensi’s general direction.

“I can’t promise kinky, but I do think you’ll be surprised,” Kensi commented, still sounding unreasonably upbeat. She leaned closer, lips brushing the shell of his ear. “And you know I become unhinged when you wear those pants.” Then she slipped the mask off with a flourish.

Deeks blinked a couple times, the room darker than he’d expected. All the curtains had been drawn, giving the illusion of late evening. The furniture had been moved from the living room, their dining table and chairs now placed in the center of the room, and topped with the best dishes they owned and tapered candles which created a warm glow.

His mouth dropped open slightly as he turned back towards Kensi. “You did all this?”

Kensi shrugged, seeming pleased by his reaction. “I may or may not have had a little help. I think homemade gnocchi is a little outside my current cooking skill set. Sorry.”

“No, this is amazing, baby,” Deeks said, drawing her in for a hug. “I’m just curious about the occasion.”

“What, I can’t spoil my husband?” Kensi teased. She brushed a curl put of his eye, looking up at him fondly, and something else he couldn’t quite read. “Here, come sit down.” She pulled out one of the chairs at the table, retrieving something from next to her place setting while he sat.

Kneeling in front of Deeks, Kensi held out a narrow box and an envelope.

“Ok, now I’m confused and a little concerned. Are you firing me?” Deeks joked, truly nervous, though he couldn’t say exactly why.

“No.” Kensi shook her head. “Open them.” She nudged the box towards his right hand and he took it hesitantly. He lifted the lid, revealing a cushion of blue tissue paper inside. Shifting it to the side, he frowned at the contents, then inhaled slightly, fingers stuttering over two strips.

“Kensi, is this—these look like pregnancy tests.” His voice broke on the last word and he had to clear his throat. He looked up, unable to conceal his confusion, hope, and disbelief.

“Yes, I’m pregnant,” she confirmed, laughing wetly as Deeks shook his head slowly, silent in his shock. “Baby?”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled Kensi into his arms and held her as tightly as he could, moisture filling his eyes.She wrapped her arms around his back, holding him just as fiercely. Turning his head, he captured her mouth in a desperate kiss.

“I can’t believe this,” he finally managed.

“I couldn’t either, but I’ve got about a dozen of these things that say otherwise.” Kensi held up one of the tests, with its two red stripes.

God, he remembered the hundreds of times when they’d prayed and begged for a positive test, only for it be negative.

Deeks closed his hand around Kensi’s, tucking it close to his chest. She cupped his cheek with her other hand, that same delight, tinged with disbelief, in her eyes.

“How?” was all he managed.

“I mean, I think it was probably a product of date night number two.” She winked suggestively. “Um, but the other day when I was supposed to go to the doctor, I found the tests, and I decided to take one. I thought I was being completely ridiculous, but once I thought about it, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. And then when the first one was positive, I had to take about five more. Every single one was positive.”

“You told me you got a clean pass at the doctor,” Deeks said, too elated to be upset by the mild deceit.

“I know, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you right away, but I had a few things I needed to do first,” Kensi apologized.

“Like planning an extravagant dinner?”

“That and, this.” Kensi nudged him gently, offering the envelope again. “You should probably open it too.”

Wiping at his eyes, he slit the envelope open, removing a single sheet of paper. He squinted at the small font.

“Dear Admiral Kilbride,

Please accept this letter as my official—”

Deeks broke off again, looking up with even wider eyes than before.

“Kens, this sounds like a resignation letter,” he whispered hoarsely.

“It is.” She laughed again, this time the sound full of joy. “I’m ready.”

“You’re sure? This is a huge decision. And with the—the baby. God, I can’t believe I just said that out loud. It’s a lot of changes.”

“I am,” Kensi said, and for once she didn’t hesitate in the least or sound discontent. She cupped his cheeks, eyes soft again. “This has been coming for a really long time. This,” she pressed her hand over her stomach. “was the final push I needed.” She kissed him lightly. “I have everything I want and need.” Pausing for a second, she brushed her thumb across his chin, nail gently scratching the short hairs there.

“What do you think?”

“I think…that this is amazing, and unbelievable, and yes, yes, let’s do this. Let’s resign and have a baby and all the amazing, terrifying, beautiful things that come with it,” he rambled in his giddiness. They kissed again, Kensi clinging to his neck.

“I’m so happy,” she whispered in his ear.

***

“Hey, are you ok? You’re looking a little…grayish,” Deeks said, watching as Kensi paced from one side of the living room to the other.

“I’m fine.” She did another lap. “No, I’m not.” Tossing her head back, she groaned, rolling her shoulders. “I feel so bad about telling Rosa.”

Coming up behind her, Deeks gently guided her back against his chest, and started kneading the base of her spine.

“Baby, it is going to be alright. Rosa is an amazing young woman. She’s not going to be angry.

“Yeah, I know she’s great at rolling with the punches, but this is different,” Kensi stressed. “She didn’t sign up for a newborn sibling waking her up in the middle of the night or hourly diaper changes. What if it’s too much? You know she’s not the type of kid to scream and shout and make a big scene. I’m afraid she’ll try to hide how she feels.”

“Then we’ll make sure Rosa knows that while a lot of things are changing, how much we love her isn’t,” Deeks told Kensi, reiterating the conversation they’d had multiple times in the last three days. “We’ll check in with her too to make sure nothing’s changed. Make sure to spend extra time with her when we can.”

This certainly wasn’t a concern they’d ever imagined having when they decided to adopt Rosa. While he would never, ever change any of this, it did complicate their lives just a little bit.

“No, you’re right, I’m overthinking things.” She took a deep breath with her eyes closed, posture reminiscent of a yoga pose. “Ok, let’s do this.”

Together they walked over to Rosa’s room. Her door was open, Rosa perched on her neatly made bed, head bent over a pad of drawing paper. Deeks rapped on the door jamb and she looked up with a smile, gesturing for them to come in.

“Hey, you got a minute?” he asked.

“Sure! I was just practicing one of the new techniques I learned in art class.” She held up the outline of a figure sitting on a bench.

“That’s looking great!”

“Thanks. I still need a lot of practice, but it’s getting easier. So, what’s up?”

“Rosa, there’s something we wanted to tell you,” Kensi began.

“Is it something bad?” she asked with slight wariness. “There’s not another rogue detective in the house is there?”

“No, nothing like that,” Deeks assured her. “It’s something we’re very excited about.” He gave Kensi an encouraging glance, automatically reaching to hold her hand, to provide support.

“We’re pregnant,” Kensi shared cautiously, barely pausing as Rosa’s eyes widened.

“I thought you couldn’t get pregnant,” she said in confusion.

“That’s what we thought,” Deeks told her, sharing a look of consternation with Kensi. “Look, I know this isn’t what you expec—”

Rosa threw her arms around them both, her head ending up sandwiched between his and Kensi’s.

“I’m so happy!” she exclaimed, giving Kensi her own hug before switching to Deeks.

“You’re not upset?”

“Of course not. I know how much you and Deeks wanted a baby.” She smiled shyly. “And I always wanted a sibling.”

***

1 Year Later

Deeks walked along a tree-lined path, pushing a two-seater stroller in front of him. Ahead, Kensi and Rosa were finishing getting breakfast from a small food truck. It was a perfectly sunny weekend, lots of other families running around the part, enjoying the warmth.

He heard a cooing sound from stroller, and pulled the top cover back, peering down at the two babies laying inside, one with wispy blonde curls and the other with hair a few shades darker.

“Hi Sophia!” Deeks said cheerfully to the tiny blonde. She responded by tilting her head back, eyes widening with delight.

“Gah,” she called out, pointing imperiously at him. Her brother, Caleb, watched, but seemed content to chew on the front of his shirt.

“Oh, does daddy’s little girl need to be picked up?” he asked, grinning down at her. Sophia blew a raspberry, which he took as a yes. Moving around to the front, he unlatched her safety belt, and scooped her up into one arm. “What about you, Mr. Caleb? You need a little snuggle too?”

Caleb kicked his legs excitedly, giving a gummy grin as Deeks picked him up too. Cradling a baby in each arm, he swayed while humming “For Baby” softly to them.

The twins had come a few weeks early, small, but perfectly healthy and beautiful. To say that Kensi and Deeks were stunned that they were adding not one, but two little Deeks-Blyes into the family was a massive understatement.

Still, they wouldn’t change any of it for the world. Neither would their many bonus aunts, uncles, and grandparents, who spoiled them outrageously.

“We have returned with bagels!” Kensi announced, drawing Deeks’ attention from the babies. She carried a large paper bag while Rosa held a carrier filled with coffees.

Kensi immediately set the bag on top of the stroller, reaching for Sophia and Rosa took Caleb.

“Mama missed you,” he heard Kensi say, carefully lowering Sophia into a controlled dip that had the baby giggling uncontrollably.

Now relieved of babies, Deeks began examining the bagel selection. He found a bacon and cheese with avocado which he put aside for Kensi, a cream cheese on onion, and finally a chorizo, egg, and cheese.

“No, Caleb,” Rosa protested holding one arm in the air as he made a desperate grab for her iced coffee. “El cafe no es para bebes. And you can smile at me all you what, I won’t change my mind.”

“Trade me?” Deeks asked, offering Rosa her sandwich in exchange for Caleb. She considered it for a second, side-eyeing Caleb, who was gumming a round little fist.

“Fine,” she conceded. “But don’t think that means you get him indefinitely.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Settling Caleb against his chest again, he sighed contentedly, smiling at Kensi.

“What?” she asked around a massive bite of sandwich.

“Nothing, I’m just happy,” he replied.

“Mm, me too.” She leaned over, pecking him on the lips, then thumbed away a speck of cream cheese from his cheek.

“Don’t worry,” Rosa said to Caleb in a confidential tone. “They’ve always been like this. It gets easier to accept with time.”

“And I wouldn’t change a thing,” Kensi whispered, stretching up to kiss him more thoroughly.

“Love you, Fern.”

***

A/N: I hope this story felt complete and satisfying to you all.

As always, I had to include a little John Denver with my reference to his song “For Baby (For Bobbie).

[what-gs-watching]

“It’s Christmas time, pretty baby, and the snow is falling on the ground…”

Well, now I’m in the interview prep portion of the bootcamp thing I’m doing and y’all, I don’t loveeee trying to practice talking about my experience. I really am one of those people that just shows up and says whatever tumbles out of my mouth and that has worked, so far, mostly, I guess. But apparently now I need to really try and that is a bummer. 

But it’s November, which means I have carte blanche to throw myself into the Christmas season. Gang, I love Christmas. I really do. I have a big family and it was always a fucking mess at my parents’ house but it makes me feel cozy and warm and so every year the Saturday before Thanksgiving I drag my husband to the tree farm because we have to have a real tree, and by the time we’re eating turkey, my entire house is decked out and it’s time for CHRISTMAS MOVIES.

I started this blog because I had been rambling at my engineering team at the time about my complete and utter obsession with Good Omens and I’d described my “What G’s Watching” game. One of the engineers said he’d absolutely read this trifling mess, and we had talked about Christmas movies, I forget why, and he said he could imagine curling up with a cup of tea and reading my rant on said movies. It was part of what ultimately convinced me to do this stupid thing, obviously.

So Kevin, if you’re out there, this is for you.

Welcome to my ultimate list of basic bitch Christmas movies (OTHER than the typical ones, we don’t need to talk through those do we?) you can stream this season. All previously released, because we’re gonna have to talk about the new ones  as they come. You’re welcome.

______

The Christmas Chronicles (2 movies, Netflix)

KURT RUSSELL is Santa and he’s caught by a brother and a sister  while delivering presents and they end up going on a crazy adventure to save Christmas after something obviously goes wrong. 

YOU GUYS, IT’S KURT RUSSELL AS SANTA. That should be enough for you. Because he is literally the PERFECT Santa Claus and I will defend that ‘til the end. The beard is perfect! And he plays Santa like a super cool badass! And there’s a fucking musical number!!!!!!! 

The first one is better than the second one, but the second one is still fun and has GOLDIE HAWN as Mrs. Claus and it’s so cute I could literally die. 

I straight up love Christmas Chronicles and I don’t care who knows it. It has the right amount of emotion and it reminds me of being a kid kind of and really, we’ve always needed a COOL santa. I have no idea why I’m so obsessed with Kurt Russell in this situation, but I really, really am. Absolutely no shame here.

WATCH IT.

A Christmas Prince (3 movies, Netflix)

A prince of a made-up country needs to return home before Christmas Eve so he can assume the throne after his father died, and a wanna-be reporter of a magazine? I think? Is assigned to cover the story.  She pretends to be the new nanny for the family and OBVIOUSLY hijinks ensue. Obviously.

Y’all, there are three movies in this series. They made THREE of them. And they’re all ridiculous. But also kinda charming. Like, something to put on while you wrap presents and then you find yourself, like, halfway through the second one and you’re like “well I’m here now, might as well get through the entire thing, I weirdly need to know how this ends.” 

It’s pure fluff. It’s a perfect Hallmark-esque situation, but better than the Hallmark movies because the heroine doesn’t actually need to give up anything for love like Hallmark always makes them do. Like, girl, why can’t you have a career while your husband does XYZ small-town job? WHY NOT BOTH. 

The point is, ya girl likes a happy ending. All of these have a happy ending. Everything on this list will have a happy ending.

Let It Snow (Netflix)

It snows on Christmas Eve and a group of kids in a small town, including a pop star for some reason, deal with that, and their issues, and it builds to a big ol’ party. 

This one is way better than it sounds. There is an adorable queer relationship, and two friends figuring out they’re in love, and one girl realizing she should go away to college because she can’t just stay and shoulder all the issues her family has, and friends prioritizing their friendship, and Joan Cusack playing the town’s crazy lady. 

I’m clearly still like 17 at heart so I enjoy a good ‘random teens figuring shit out’ movie. It’s just cute as hell. 

Holidate (Netflix)

Emma Roberts hates holidays because her boyfriend broke up with her so while she returns shitty Christmas presents she meets a dude who agrees to be her random ‘date’ for all of the holidays that year. 

Okay, this is not strictly a Christmas movie but it starts and ends at Christmas, and it’s fucking hilarious. This is not for kids, but oh my god, I laughed way more than I expected to. And the dude is Australian which is sooo up my alley, and of course the point is that they randomly end up falling for each other and sometimes I need a good romance that is kind of, sort of realistic (in how awkward it gets at times) even if the premise is ridiculous. 

Like, if you wanna get drunk on some wine with some adults that are not easily offended after the kids are in bed, this is the one. 

Single All The Way (Netflix)

A guy doesn’t want to go home for the holidays because his family is gonna be judgmental about his taste in dudes and the fact that he’s perpetually single, so he drags his roommate along for the ride.

Y’all. This is just a really, really adorable love story. No bullshit tricks, no stupid plot, just two friends falling in love. 

I very clearly love boys falling in love, and this one is sweet as hell. Also, it’s got Jennifer Coolidge as the crazy aunt! And Kathy Najimy! The family is hilarious and the boys are relatable and of course there’s a point where the main character is set up with a super hottie but like, they figure it out eventually. And not in a stupid, cheesy movie way. It just feels really cozy. 

This was hands down my absolute favorite the year it came out. Hard recommend.

Spirited (Apple TV)

 A re-telling (kind of?) of a Christmas Carol, but make it a musical with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds.

Okay I’m gonna admit it: this one is so WEIRD! It absolutely did NOT need to be a musical whatsoever but I could not look away. I will watch anything with Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds though, and it was funny. And I did not expect the twist they worked in. 

Do you have two hours to be strangely pulled into this and then feel weird ways about stuff? You should. This year, I’m gonna eat a gummie first. It’ll be worth it.

Zoey's Extraordinary Christmas (Roku Channel with ads, but it’s not horrible)

A woman who’s gained the power to see/learn people’s emotions through witnessing them do elaborate musical numbers, has an unsettling family christmas.

Hear me out on this one. I was absolutely obsessed with Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist (it’s on Peacock; go watch it, like, right now. Immediately). It was such a ridiculous concept for a show but it was really so effing charming. And heartwarming, and also heartbreaking. If you haven’t seen the show, the Christmas movie is  not going to be as emotional for you, but it’s still extremely cute. The pageantry! The musical numbers! The family dynamics! 

I’ll admit this is niche as hell, but Zoey is my bish and I will tell anyone who will listen they should watch. I miss that show terribly.

Somewhat Honorable Mentions

Netflix did two random movies last year that I did watch: Christmas with You, starring Freddie Prinze Jr (!!!!!!) and Falling for Christmas with Lindsay Lohan.

Listen, I support random actors I have loved since I was a kid doing Christmas movies. Especially since they haven’t gotten up to a whole lot else. I want Lindsay Lohan to figure her fucking life out, because I can’t let go of Mean Girls or The Parent Trap. She could have been a whole damn thing and I’m sad about how things went for her and I just want her to be okay, you guys.

Is her Christmas movie mostly terrible? Yes. But it’s good background noise, just like Freddie Prinze Jr’s, and I want them both to keep doing things. So watch them while you’re cleaning the house, because why not?

______

Because I literally have all of the time in the world on my hands, I’ll probably watch almost all of these, and my favorite old standards too. 

I’ll save Elf and A Muppet’s Christmas Carol  to watch with my little nephews when I head home. We’ll do the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve as a weirdo family. I’ll put on White Christmas while I get the tree decorated and I’ll be singing ‘when I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep..’ for days. I’ll put on The Holiday in between Christmas and New Year’s because I am very much Kate Winslet in that movie, always the best friend, never the leading lady.  I might be able to tempt my Christmas-avoidant husband into Home Alone.

The point is, Christmas movies are such a wonderful and ridiculous genre of content. Because let’s be honest, no one’s holiday season is ever like that. No one, in the history of the world, has Christmases like they do in these ridiculous movies. But it’s nice to pretend. It’s nice to get that warm fuzzy feeling, it’s nice to imagine having the perfect decorations, or a crazy adventure, or a surprising romance. Because we all know, winter is bleak. It’s dark at 4:30 in the afternoon and it’s sludgy and wet and gray and unappealing. But it’s never that in Christmas movies - it’s always magical and exciting and twinkly. And we all deserve something magical and exciting and twinkly. At least until we can make it out of the dark. 

So, stream it all, y’all, it’s that time of year.

[weltinator]

so when i was pretty young, i want to say in first grade? my school/parish hosted a taekwondo class for a semester during the hours the gym wasn’t in other use, and it was open to all ages, so my parents enrolled me in it. a bunch of my classmates and people from the church also attended, but when the arrangement ended and the class had to move into a dojo in another neighborhood, most people stopped going. me and one of my classmates kept going to it though. i was a tiny nerd who got bullied, so i think my parents really wanted me to do a sport, ideally one that helped me defend myself, but i honestly don’t remember much from that class, except how to count to twenty (badly pronounced) in korean. my classmate was absolutely ripped for a first grade girl, or really for any first grader, or for that matter anyone younger than middle school, and frequently kicked the asses of anyone in our grade at any sport. so for some reason we got paired up to spar when the teacher (again, i don’t remember much from this class, idk if we called them seonsaeng or what) decided we had advanced far enough to do that. 

i had no idea what i was supposed to do against her, but i was pretty sure i’d get yelled at if i just tried to dodge the whole time, so i planned to try blocking, and held my arms up around face/chest area. surprisingly, she seemed to take this block seriously and aimed under it. i’m honestly not sure if she was going for my stomach or my legs, but i know she wasn’t going for my crotch. or at least she didn’t mean to kick that hard. this was obvious from the look of immense shock and guilt i could see on her face through the tears as i was laid out on the ground crying from the worst pain i could remember experiencing at that point in my life. (i was not a very active kid, i hadn’t had a lot of injuries.) i quit that class within a month, claiming to my parents that i had better things to do with my weekends. they accepted this, and then immediately signed me up for soccer that practiced during the week. i played soccer until the start of high school, and i feel comfortable saying that by that time i was still worse at soccer than i’d been at taekwondo after doing it for like a year. also i got bullied by soccer players more than i ever did by taekwondo people. 

so fast forward several years to fifth grade. i was a good student, up until high school when i realized i actually had to start putting effort in and immediately spiraled into several years of minimal sleep and turning all my assignments in late. but as of fifth grade, i just had to half listen in class and read any assignments once and i was good to get all A’s. unfortunately, on this one occasion, i had completely forgotten to read the textbook chapter. and scanning the questions on this quiz, i realized this was not a topic i had any prior knowledge of, and i wasn’t going to be able to guess on most of it. at this point in my life, i did not have a lot going for me. most of my classmates and teachers found me weird and annoying, i did not pull any weight in gym, i had gone every soccer season at this point without scoring a single goal, i had like four friends in the world, two of which didn’t go to my school. what i did have, was being a good catholic boy, and straight A’s. i decided the second thing was more important, and for the first and only time in my academic career, i cheated. burning with a mixture of shame and determination, i turned to the person next to me and whispered, “what’s number 1?”

as previously established, i was not popular. i was generally considered one of the smartest kids in our class, but people did not come to me for help with their homework, because i was an obnoxious knowitall, but also really bad at explaining stuff. not only was i now showing weakness in the only area i had ever shown strength, i was doing it with no social capital to fall back on. i could very easily have been ignored, told to shut up, or immediately snitched on, depending on who i was sitting next to.

unless the person i was sitting next to was the same one that still felt guilty for kicking me full force in the groin four years earlier. 

we locked eyes after i asked my question. i have never been good at understanding what people are thinking, but in the span of a second, i saw her evaluate the situation, weigh the risk and the complete lack of reward, and then a flash of recollection. this was catholic school, we all went to confession every month. but i knew in that moment that she had never told anyone about that day, not even a priest. 

she gave me the answer, and all the others i asked for. i went home and read the textbook, and never cheated again. she never told the teacher or any of our classmates. i got an A on the quiz, she got absolution, and we basically never interacted again after that.