#like I very much don’t view labels as being restrictive or meaning a person can’t have whatever relationship they want

[aspecposting]

am I the only aspec/arospec individual who doesn’t care if aspec/arospec characters are shipped with other character? (I even do it myself sometimes)

[nothorses]

I see everyone coming to you with some stuff about sexuality lately so maybe you can help... So I have seen stuff that says "if you are uncomfortable with dating women or the idea then you probably don't like women" which is all fine and well and makes sense, but my personal problem is I dated a girl a few years ago now before I realized I was trans, and I did genuinely like her (a lot) and during that relationship I was working through lots of stuff w/ mental health and gender but whenever

I would stop to think about the relationship long term I would think about waking up next to her or like cooking breakfast w/ her etc, but if I ever thought about her in a more intimate manner than cuddling/kissing I found myself deeply uncomfortable and I tried just to push it down and tell myself it wasn't something I needed to worry about at that point (she was very catholic so) anyhow is this "comphet"? Except that word doesn't apply to me because it wasn't a het relationship between us...

And I've tried reading articles or taking those "am I gay?" quizzes and whatever else because I feel kind of lost... I find myself worried maybe I do like women but I have internalized "homophobia" or maybe my dysphoria makes me unable to be comfortable? Which if that's true it would be something I wanted to work on, but.. for some reason saying I'm a gay guy just doesn't seem right either, maybe just bcuz I'm early transition it feels like a lie?

But sometimes I worry I don't like men either. I can't think of a single man I've ever been attracted to in anything? And I tried to date this guy at one point but it felt like I was forcing myself to like him... I don't think I'm aromantic because I like those ideas and concepts, and I guess my attraction to men is moreso an abstract concept to me? Like arms, and hips, and flat chests... Idk I just end up in these really confused circles about what the fuck is up (kyle) and anything I look to for help is very cis TM which doesn't fit my personal understanding of the world or the view I've lived it in... 

(f slur for article title use) The closest thing to my own experience I ever read was an article called "Transmasc Comphet (and the road to faggotry)" but transmasc comphet doesn't feel like the right words... I've taken just to calling myself queer and although I know queer can be a full identity it just doesn't feel like one for me because I find myself constantly searching for more "concrete" labels about gender and sexuality. But for some reason nothing ever seems to fit quite right...

I know it's fine to use multiple seemingly contradictory labels but doing that myself feels like an incorrect simplification of my feelings, or I feel like an imposter using certain labels... Which makes me worried I just need to suck it up and get comfortable identifying with the word queer and forget about labels but I feel I probably shouldn't feel the need to restrict myself to a label or it to feel wrong using it if it's the right label.

If a label did actually fit I probably wouldn't have to force myself to think it's real for myself, nor would I constantly be looking elsewhere for the "right" word(s)... So I end up getting overwhelmed and just.. not thinking about it? But that feels like avoiding the issue and I feel guilty for that, and meeting other queer people they're like "oh so you're ___?" and it's like I have no clue, but not cishet..

I read stone butch blues and although I connected to it this part of the story was constant for Jess, always knowing who she liked. I personally can't find the line... I know other people also don't have it figured out, but there's so little information or personal accounts that I end up just feeling more lost.. It's hard because like I know I'm trans but I can't figure out how far I want to transition, or like I can tell my sexuality is queer but I can't tell how far? Am I gay? Bi? Bi-gay? Thank you for reading, I'm just pretty lost and it's been years and it's tiring :/

(Edited how chunks are broken up)

I get a lot of how you’re feeling, and honestly, the best thing for me was to just stop stressing over labels for a while. Focus on your actual feelings, and let those guide your actions; let yourself step forward when it feels like you want to, and step back when it feels like you don’t, and try not to worry about what the reasons for those feelings are in the moment. Just let yourself acknowledge them, respect them, and act on them.

I say this because I agonized over what my feelings Actually Were and what they Actually Meant for years, and it’s that overthinking that lead me into some of the worst decisions I could have made for myself at the time: I was so dissociated from my own feelings that I suppressed them when I shouldn’t have, and faked them when people pressured me to, all without realizing I was doing it.

Gender can also play a huge role in this. Personally, my own perception of my gender- and dissociation from my feelings- meant that I was very much incapable of comfortably occupying a relationship with another man (despite being legitimately attracted to them!) because I couldn’t do it as a man. I felt I would always take on the “woman” role on some level, and it would always be men who saw me, and were attracted to me, as a woman.

It’s taken me a long, long time to finally start acknowledging and respecting my own emotions, and the best thing I did for myself in that time was to just... step away from the label question. Step away from the “what does this feeling come from” and “what does it mean” questions.

Ask yourself what you want, in that moment, and then do that. Those questions will start to answer themselves after a while, as gender feelings settle down, and patterns in your wants & actions begin to emerge. The answers may be wrong even then, but that’s okay! It’s always okay to be wrong. You’ll get there eventually.

That’s what worked for me, anyway, and it’s a choice I made based on my own problems and my own needs. If it resonates, great! If not, that’s alright too; everyone works differently. Just be kind to yourself.

[enigma-im]

Hot Blooded

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Hufflepuff x Ravenclaw Warning: based on another story, sexual fever, original characters, Harry Potter world, dirty talk, intercourse

Word Count: 3797

Based on This story.

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My skin felt prickly and sticky against my clothes. The offense of wearing anything was down right irredeemable to my body. The thinnest hairs stuck to my forehead and neck, my limbs heavy. I felt drunk, the best comparison I could make. Though in my experiences of being drunk I have never been so unbelievably horny. It's repulsive to think about the slick dribbling down my leg. The way my nipples harden by the slightest breeze- or slightest adult thought.

It was helpful in some way to know everyone feels the same, disgusted in their own skin. Some took to the change fine, taking the opportunity to touch whoever to better their chances of getting their rocks off. It was simple to tell who took this seriously and who took this a chance to sleep with someone. To be fair, some of those people also saw this as a romantic endeavor. I couldn't even bother to look at it that way. I hardly cared about relationships or doing the 'beast with two backs' with another. I had better things to do with my time than stare wistfully at someone till they notice me and ask me out. This entire situation was more than inconvenient.

On the other hand, I can see how this would be beneficiary to everyone. It has started taking down the divides the houses have brought upon us. Which is grand, it was a ridiculous notion in itself to parade around like your house was the superior one. We all brought something to the table, it be ignorant not to see it. Also the added points of getting the relationship thing out of the way. I won’t lie and say I am revolted by the very idea of coupling off with someone. I have always wanted the familiarity that comes with a partner, even the physical parts. I just loathe the experience of dating. This cuts that in a way that I can admire but still despise my lack of control over. I just hope that my lover will be someone who can challenge me in ways most don't. less you are another Ravenclaw, then that’s just for sport more than the value of conversation.

The first week is painful, I won't lie. It's when word gets out that self relaxation brings the boiling to a simmer that its more tolerable. I find myself trotting off often just to be able to relax in my own skin. I try to take a guess who my other might be knowing that people generally feel a pull. Of course first day everyone figured out who's partner was in their respective houses. So I know to not even bother with catching eyes with people at my dinner row. I first glance over to Slytherin, I never bought into the whole 'they are the evil house'. That was just rude. I can see the appeal in them, having a strong leadership role in their lives as high standing citizens. I wouldn't be opposed to snatching one of their members for my own. After a while of nothing, I don't even glance their way.

I try for a Gryffindor, appreciating their brave personalities. Very selfless people who will take a bullet for the ones they are loyal to. I adore that kind of devotion. In my own private times I have dabbled in stories that feeds towards a more romantic style. My heart swells at the lover's care and loyalty towards one another. I would be perfectly content with a Gryffindor boyfriend. A passing thought, 'a jock to my genius'. Not that I ever flattered myself a genius, never. Still, it seems it wasn't meant to be.

I do not try to label everyone, knowing stereotypes are but hurtful boxes we draw around one another. A Gryffindor isn't always going to be the heroes to a story just like a Slytherin isn't some villain lurking in the shadows. But I'm not perfect, never claimed to be. I believe some groups tend to fall in certain categories, not restricted to but…

When I first see him I'm awestruck. My body tingles and my loins throb. For a moment all I could think about was tearing his shirt off with my teeth. Any other time that would have been alarming, but I could hardly care. He doesn't meet my eyes, just smiling brightly with his friends. He is brawny man, his chest broad and firm looking. His hair is wavy, the bangs obscuring his vision often. His smile is radiating, so much so I can't help but smile as well. My mind catches up with me and I begin to wonder where he belongs. He is strong and charming, surely he is a Gryffindor. His peers all look towards him, the center of attention, perhaps he is a Slytherin. I know he isn't a Ravenclaw, having never met him before.

My mind puzzles it all out till an obvious piece fits in the middle. He is sitting at the Hufflepuff table. I flinch with confusion. No, I can't be paired with a Hufflepuff. It's not that I don't like them, I mean they are the house labeled strictly for their kindness. It would be almost a sin to despise them. No, the reason I'm appalled- not appalled, more bothered- is because I can't fathom the idea of my soulmate being a Hufflepuff. They are too nice, how could I have an argument with one without feeling like I kicked a puppy? I'm way too cynical to be paired with the embodiment of child's laughter. I am prone to bouts of anger, lashing out at others because I can. I don't see how at any point that him being there wouldn't make me feel like a, well, piece of shit.

As he is laughing at something his friends say he catches my eye, his smile faltering for a moment as he just stares. He looks at me like he is puzzling something out, tilting his head in a way that it reminds me of a golden retriever. I don't stick around long enough to see when he figures it out.

I hop from my seat, startling others as I grab my things. I shove a book under my arm, grabbing the half finished biscuit from my plate. I shove the pastry in my mouth before absconding like a scared idiot. I rush out the large double doors, into the hall where I find the direction towards the washroom.

As I turn the corner out of the main hall I hear the scuff of shoes. My heart throbs at the idea that it's him. I both wish for him to be chasing me and desire to find a crevice to hide in. I hear the patter of quickly approaching feet. I drop the biscuit from my mouth and book it down the hall.

"Wait," he calls out. My jaw ticks, his voice is like rich syrup. It soaks into my bones, feeling like a warm embrace. The already ramping heat feels like an inferno at the sound. I run faster.

I turn off another corner, prolonging the inevitable. I know at some point we would have to talk, touch. It's the only cure. Still, I wish for more time. I need to get my thoughts in order, figure out the best way to approach this. Never in a hundred years would I have thought my soulmate was the kindhearted Hufflepuff. I didn’t even consider it, that being on oversight I know now. I just need more time.

As I rush down the hall, shortly after my turn I hear shoes scuff again. He is fast, I'll give em that.

"Please, wait," he begs. Here we go, already I feel like I kicked a puppy. How could this ever work if I will always feel like garbage when I do anything against him.

"Leave me alone," I find myself screaming out. My body is already tired, overheated and weak. My pace begins to slow, his footsteps getting closer. I finally give up, stopping with a slow jog before I rest my hands on my knees. I catch my breath, the sweat soaking through my shirt.

I can smell him before I hear him, which is strange since I knew he was there. I worry for a moment that he is going to reach out and touch me, but he sits just in my peripheral near the opposite wall. He gives me a moment, which I am grateful for. I prolong the moment, just enough to get my thoughts in order. When its clear I have caught my breath I stand straight and glance towards him.

His wavy locks are plastered to his forehead, his shirt sticking to his chest. I can't help but drool a little at the sight. I expect to see an exasperated look, if not a disappointed one. On anyone else I'd even guess angry but who has ever seen an angry Hufflepuff and lived to tell the tale? Instead I see a very concerned, patient look. It stings my heart more than warms it.

"You alright," he asks. He rests against the wall, hands holding the windowsill. His chest looks broader, strong and appetizing. I can picture myself resting on that chest at night, his big arms holding me close as we rest. Even see myself pressing my hands to it as I ride him. Taking his cock while leaving red whelps with my nails. I can see the outline of his erection, my brain humming with the view. How easily I could discard his shorts and take him into my mouth. Be damned who can see, just slide him past my lips an-

"I can say it's a relief to know you didn't run because you found me repulsive," he chuckles. I startle from my thoughts, meeting his eyes quickly.

"Sorry," I mumble, my cheek red for more than one reason.

"All is well, I like looking at you too," he hums, looking me over. Nothing I wear is slutty by any means. A simple baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, hardly scandalous. Yet, the way his chest bounces with his rapid inhales and his fingers clench the window I feel down right sexy. "You are very gorgeous," he grins.

"thank you," I bite my lip. His eyes dart to the action, licking his own in response.

"I wish to touch you but I have the impression that you aren't interested just yet," he shakes his head. He rubs his face, coming back to himself while I think of an answer.

"yea, sorry about that. It's just a lot to take in, you know," I grin sympathetically.

"I get that," he rests his head towards his shoulder," we never met before, it can be nerve racking. Though I can give you a bit of ease when I say I will not touch you without your expressive consent. I'd hate for our very first introduction to be so coerced."

"I appreciate that," I answer. There goes that sweet Hufflepuff style, nicest folks around. My brain feels too muddled to think about why this match wouldn’t work. I want nothing more than to jump his rod and lick the sweat dripping down his neck. Though I know more thought should be put into this. Right?

"So I have a question, feel free not to answer. Why did you run," he cuts straight to the point. I try to think of a lie, it felt like the right thing to do less I hurt his feelings. Yet my greatest tool is left sitting in a puddle of hormones, lavishing itself in the visual glory of this man.

"Why would anyone run from their supposed soulmate," I try to stall. Knowing he would be too optimistic to assume anything awful like being house-ist.

He hums, "I can think of a few. We both know its not the obvious, unattraction, so I can rule that out. So it could be because you aren't ready, which I can respect. A lot of my friends took some time when they found out theirs wasn't in the same house. It could be because we are stranger and you might have been hoping for someone else. Though I think I know the real answer, you don't like being paired with a Hufflepuff." He holds my stare with confidence, knowing he hit the nail on the head. I'm mildly impressed with his deduction skills. Though I'm not pleased with it.

"How do you figure," I cross my arms, leaning back into the cool wall.

He copies my pose," Well, we are good at observing, it's what makes us so good at finding things." I bite my cheek to not smile at the obvious joke. "but in all honesty its because I know Ravenclaws, you guys tend to be… prickly about things."

I gawk," Prickly?"

"Yea, you know what you know and you stick by it, even if you’re wrong. Like I know you are upset with us because you think I'm too nice," he answers," That I'd either not keep up with you mentally or I'd be too caring to want to argue. I feel I have to explain this every week but Hufflepuffs are nice to their core, doesn't mean it dictates their way of life. I will fight someone if they deserve it, though I still would be a helping hand if someone asks for one. I can debate and argue with the best of em but I still will check in afterwards to make sure everything is ok. I'm nice, not a nun."

I stare at him curious, too flabbergasted at his rather intelligent argument. I know every house has a thing that defines them but doesn't exclude other traits. A Gryffindor can be brave and shy. A Slytherin can be compassionate but firm. A Ravenclaw can be bad at school but still be dedicated to learning. If that’s all true and I know it, why do I consider Hufflepuffs to their labels? I want to believe him, I really do, but I can't see him being someone who can be anything other than a goody-twoshoes.

He notices my apprehension and starts another compelling argument. " to stay on theme how bout I tell you something that a good old Hufflepuff wouldn’t say? Like looking at you right now all I want to do is rip that shirt in half and lave your nipples with my tongue. Kiss down your body then pull your shorts off with my teeth before diving into your, more than likely, dripping cunt," as he speaks he steps closer," taste the divine wine of your slick while listening to your cries of pleasure. I know I can make you scream, no doubt in my mind." he rests his hands on either side of me, arching in a way that he can't accidentally brush me," I want your legs wrapped around my waist, my cock buried so far inside you that you could feel it for weeks. I want to hear the sound of my hips meeting yours, hear the sound of your breathy gasp and delirious groans. Then meet our mutual end with our shouts echoing through this hall, you clenched so tight around me as I bite your neck. Mhm, my cock throbs just thinking about it."

I gulp hard. This beautiful son of a bitch has done what no other has even come close to. He has left me speechless. I want all those things, I want his fingers leaving marks on my hips as he fucks me into delirium. I take a moment to even have a coherent thought that doesn't have the word cock in it.

I lick my lips as I meet his eyes," I-I think I can be the bigger person and say I may have been wrong about you.." I stutter on his name.

"Adam," he provides.

"Adam," I finish," perhaps you aren't the goody-twoshoes I thought you were."

"Well I do aim to please," he grins. I have the very strong urge to lick his teeth. I never even found that idea appealing till now.

"I'd imagine you could do more than please," I chuckle as I watch his tongue moisten his bottom lip.

"that I can, princess," I nearly melt at the pet name, "Now, do I need to give you more time or would this hallway be a fitting place to worship you?"

I giggle like an idiot," worship me, I like that. But no, I rather not have our first time be in a hallway if you don't mind."

"Not at all," he purrs," so, your place or mine?"

"Yours? I'd imagine having the kitchen so close by would be beneficiary after I'm done with you," I fight back the urge to reach out a hand.

"When you're finished with me? What do you plan to do you little minx," he growls. God, how are we even still standing here flirting?

"Guess you have to lead the way and find out, huh?"

"Sounds promising," he backs up," then onwards we go."

Our pace is quick as we rush down the halls. The urge to grab his hand is oddly strong. My insides feel like someone is setting jumper cables to my nerves. I feel like I have so much energy and my mind feels fuzzy. Glancing at him out the corner of my eyes doesn’t help the control to not pounce on him, viewers be damned.

"Adam, you found her," someone calls as we pass by.

"Yep, quite the looker ain't she," he shouts back. The other person just laughs.

We make it to his room in a blur. I can hardly remember much of journey but could hardly care as well. I stop near his bed as he stands a little ways from the door way. I look around at the neatly made room for just a second before meeting his dark predatory eyes. The sight sends a bolt down my spine.

"Why you standing by the door," I ask a bit worried. He just grins before coming closer.

"I want to relish the moment, forgive me," he stops inches away," you don't mind that our first touch would be with our lips? Call me a bit of a romantic but I like the idea of it."

"Not at all," I smile. He leans down and takes my lips for his own. The flood of arousal that drenches my senses is almost blinding. I reach out the same time he does, carding my fingers through his hair as his pull my hips close. Our kiss is messy and anything but romantic or tender. Its full of need that leaves spit all over our mouths. Our tongues meet and retreat as we cant figure out what we want more. His hands slip into my pants where he palms my ass, his nails digging in with a satisfied growl.

"Bed," I pant as I lead him over. We both fall onto the mattress, tongues still clashing and hands still wandering. We reach for each other's clothes in a impatient rush. We split just enough for the other to rip their shirts off. Besides then its hard to separate. Somehow we manage to get our pants off and grind against the other. Adam splits away as he fists himself. I suck, nibble, and lick at his neck. My nails scratch lightly at his back as if I'm trying to find purchase somewhere. I groan into his shoulder as his tip glides between my folds. He doesn't bother with anymore foreplay, knowing and feeling the evident need dripping on the head of his cock.

"You ready? it might be a tight fit," he strains to say. I just buck against him in answer. He chuckles before shoving in with a drawn out groan. My toes curl and air escapes me as he bottoms out. My nails leave crescent indents on his shoulder as he takes a piece of my neck into his mouth. Neither of us can allow this moment to prolong as we buck wildly into each other. He grunts and groans around my neck while I wail and moan near his ear. I cradle his head to me as I cry out my peak. Both of us knew we wouldn't last long, the days of pent up sexual frustration making it hard.

As I clench him his teeth bare down into my skin, his fingers gripping my hips. He pulls me in close as he buries himself deep, cumming in me with a satisfied groan.

After a short moment he lets go of my neck, leaving a single lick before resting his head on the mattress. I slowly relax back into the bed with a huff, not noticing when I held my breath. I find myself combing my fingers through his hair with great admiration. Orgasms in the past have left much to be desired, well besides the build up to said orgasm. The need to hold someone and be held was always there. The fulfillment I have now is beyond words.

"I think I already love you," Adam laughs.

"Shut up," I chuckle along with him.

He turns his head to bury his face in my hair," Nope, I must shower you in praises because you are purely and undoubtedly the most amazing person I have ever met."

"Yea, you ain't so bad yourself," I blush into his neck. I pull in a lungful of his scent, feeling my brain go fuzzy again.

"Prickly Ravenclaw," he grinds ours hips together. I gasp as the feel of his cock stroking my now sensitive walls

"Goody-twoshoes Hufflepuff," I buck into him. He kisses behind my ear before pulling the lobe between his teeth.

"Ready for round two," he asks as he sits up. I regard his flushed face with way more affection than I previously felt. I pet along his cheek before hiking my leg and pushing him aside. I feel him slip out as I straddle his waist. I catch a glimpse of his cock, feeling proud to take something so thick.

"Sure, but I'm on top this time," I smirk down at him. I rest a hand on his chest as I grab him and settle him back in. he seethes though his teeth but it ends in a chuckle.

"I do like a woman who takes charge," he grins brightly back up at me.

"Then I think this relationship will do just find," I answer as I slowly bounce on him.

His hands settle on my thighs," That it will."

We can't take our hands off each other for a great while and I was right…

Being near the kitchen does have its perks.

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Wasn’t going to post on this blog but I really don’t have anything for this weekend ready... so, here is a harry potter story i wrote that 100% indulgent.

which house are you? I’m the prickly Ravenclaw

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main Blog

[cowtale-utau]

Oh I would absolutely love to learn more about human magic!! And for a soulmate, would an S/O’s magic match their skelly soulmate? Or would it be unique to them?

So I can probably make several decently large posts on magic, both human and monster, but for now I'm going to try to do a concise (ish) post on where I'm pulling my HC's for magic from, how it works, and what it can do. I'll also probably include a bit on some known existent mages (cough Frisk/Chara cough), and you asked for some info on soulmates so I'll see what I can do with human souls, soulmates, and monster/human soulmates. (in my drafts I called this the “short version”, it will not be short)

So I'm largely basing human magic off the Mage system from the table-top pen-and-paper rpg Mage, part of the World of Darkness franchise. The Wiki for it has lots of good info and interesting lore if you wanna read into it.

It works in 'spheres' or nine branches/types of magic/facets of reality. Now I'm bending a lot of the lore so don't assume this is a perfect match for the Mage RPG. I used it as a template to work from, and have incorporated some of the lore, but I've also dismissed and altered other large chunks of Mage RPG canon. (basically if you play Mage or read the wiki, don't @ me, I know it's “wrong” ok, I wanted it that way ;p)

Correspondence Essentially the “space” half of time/space. Covers things like teleportation, levitation, flying, and remote viewing. Combines with other spheres to create distance/ranged/area effects. Also allows for the creation of sub-space. It is limited however, in that it only covers space. To move a body, one must combine it with Life. For an object, Matter. Correspondence is a sphere that is fairly easy to learn the basics, and extremely difficult to master.

Entropy Chaos, Order, Luck, Destiny, Creation, Destruction. The natural order of things. The ability to sense and manipulate probability and patterns. Allows one to tap into the natural entropic cycle. The more complex an “object” the easier it is to break. Much like Correspondence, one must be able to use the other applicable sphere(s) to achieve an effect. A tricky sphere to use and control. It tends to be a bit resistant to manipulation by most Mages.

Forces The sphere that allows manipulation of “energy”. Light, heat, vibration, radiation, gravity. While this can be done instinctively, that tends to be sloppy and dangerous. The more one understands about the energy/force they're trying to manipulate the better off they'll be. However one should be mindful that they do not allow the knowledge gained to restrict them. Magic cares not for what human science says is or isn't true. How easy the sphere is to work with depends largely on how much effort one puts into learning the background knowledge. Or how how willing they are to risk brute forcing it.

Life Anything living, or with life energy. Can be used to heal, or unheal. Modify biological entities. Create disease or grow plants. Restore youth. Life as a sphere has many wonderful, helpful applications, and just as many horrifying ones. One can heal and cure and fix, but also cause untold damage. To fully grasp and master life, one must understand how life connects to itself, and the cycles in which it exists. The chain between predator and prey. How simple it is to learn is largely dependent on how much understanding you already have of the subject you're trying to alter.

Matter Non living/inorganic things. Also covers all the elements on the periodic table. Works very well when combined with other spheres. Entropy to break an object, Forces to animate inanimate things, Correspondence to move objects, Time to alter them temporally. Allows the Mage to alter but also to see and understand the make up of an object. Arguably one of the easiest to learn and use, given that it inherently allows you to pick up understanding of what you're working with on the go.

Mind Covers consciousness and how a person perceives reality. Knowledge, imagination, emotion. Can be used to alter memory, thinking, emotions, perception, and concentration among other things. Mind is a bit different from other spheres in that one does not need an understanding of how the “mind” works to utilize it well. Talent in this sphere comes down to mostly practice and natural inclination.

Prime Primal Energy, the raw magical force of the world. Often considered an almost Holy Power. A Prime Mage can detect/sense magic, enchant objects or living things, cut off another Mage's access to magic and it is often used to bolster or power other magics. Prime is the source from which all other magic springs. Having skill in Prime is tricky as there's no deeper understanding to help you, beyond the understanding that you can't understand. That it is a power beyond you, and can strike back at any moment.

Spirit Something connected to but separate from the concept of souls. The culmination of hope, emotion, and thought. A skilled Spirit Mage can touch or even pass through the wall between the tangible world, the void, and what lies beyond. Allows one to reach out, speak to, and interact with spirits lost to the physical world. A Mage less morally inclined could even, with enough power, subjugate those beings. Using and mastering the Spirit sphere requires a strong understanding and sense of self, while also being able to release physical/material ties and limits.

Time Time is sort of self explanatory. Though time as a concept is not a straight forward as many assume. Very much subjective to the observer. A Time Mage is more aware than most that while time naturally moves forward (mostly), it contracts and dilates, whirls and twists. It jumps, and branches, and curves back on itself. A Time Mage can know the exact time at any time, and sense distortions in the time line. They can slow time, rewind or loop, create anchor (save) points, and with enough skill they can outright time travel or exist outside the timeline entirely. To master Time is to understand it as an esoteric and inexact science.

Humans pull their magic externally. This is both more freeing and more restricting than monsters. They can do just about anything they can imagine, assuming they can figure out how, have the respective understanding and magical inclinations, and the world allows it. Sometimes whatever source, force, whatever, the magic comes from, disagrees with a Mage. And the backlash can be catastrophic. And while a Mage cannot “drain” themselves to the point of death, they can over channel, and over load. The end result is the same.

Related Side Note ; Monster magic is much more free form and almost entirely “intent” based. This means technically any monster can learn any magic type. However some souls are better suited for certain types than others. Some just can't muster up the intent needed. They also tend to not be able to do things quite on the scale that Mages can. Monster magic is pulled from themselves. It's a part of their soul, and fueled by their soul. They have a much more limited pool. Mind you, some monsters still have immense pools of magic they can pull from, and high regen rates, but still ultimately are more limited than humans. (Side note, if a monster uses up their “pool” the can continue using magic, but its a good way to die very quickly as it drains on their souls directly)

As for existing Mages, the obvious would be Frisk/Chara. Correspondence and Time. Possibly Prime. I'm actually unsure on Spirit, but leaning towards no. If you want more on that lemme know. I could discuss it a fair amount I think.

The other part of your question ; Soulmates.

There are essentially three types of bonds that fall under what most would consider “soulmates”. Kindred Spirits, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. Any of these bonds can be platonic, romantic, or anything in between. Friends, lovers, rivals.

Kindred Spirits – Compatible. Someone with who you find forming an easy, comfortable bond. Often very similar to ourselves in a comforting way. Someone to whom we easily relate and connect to.

Soulmates – Complementary. A near perfect resonation. The traditional idea behind most soulmate lore. One can meet multiple soulmates in their lives, though they're not quite as common as Kindred Spirits.

Twin Flames – Twin Flames are the other half of an incomplete soul. A perfect mirror. Both the same and opposite in everywhere. Twin Flames rarely exist in the same world at the same time. When they do they are often both drawn to and repelled by one another. It is a bond existing beyond defining, beyond platonic/romantic labels. You're greatest ally, worst enemy, deepest love, your Twin Flame, is undeniable bound to you no matter what.

While Kindred Spirits and Soulmates won't necessarily have “matching” magic, their magic is often compatible/complementary to some degree in it's natural leanings.

If you want more info on anything specific, let me know. 💜

[fyrapartnersearch]

Get ready to form voltron!

Obligatory warning for a long post ahead: Whilst I know this post may be intimidating to some people. please do not let it put you off from reaching out to me :) “I say vol and you say tron! Vol…..” “Eh.... voltron?” “We’ll work on it.” Hello everyone! I hope you’re all doing well and that you’ve been able to stay safe and healthy during the pandemic (and that the easing of some restrictions depending on where you are has not negatively affected you). After binge watching legendary defender on netflix I’ve had the undying and uncontrollable urge to do a voltron rp. Now I bet you’re all wondering what I want and if you’re going to get to do some shipping.......we’ll I guess you’re just going to have to read on and find out. I’m looking for literate rper’s only. That means people who write in third person past tense, can give me at the very least one well thought out and fleshed paragraph (as well as be willing to write more when the situation calls for it) and has a decent grasp on their spelling, grammar and punctuation. I will not yell at you for the occasional bout of typonese but one liners, one worders, poorly written responses and lazy writing in general will not keep me around. If I can’t read what you’ve written and you’re not willing to put some effort in or correct it then there’s no point in me sticking around. I also require rper’s who’ve actually watched voltron whether it be legendary defender, defender of the universe or voltron force. If you’re someone whose a stickler for canon accuracy then I’m probably not the rper for you. When I rp in a fandom setting I treat it a bit like a base as in there’s rules to follow but I don’t have to follow them as if I’m reading the show script. To put it simply I value creativity and ideas that allow a different take on the characters and what could’ve happened. I only rp male alien or alien hybrid characters and they’re premade but flexible in how they’re written. I do not have pictures nor do I desire to spend endless hours of time to find a face claim of a creature that isn’t the typical different coloured humanoids you see in voltron. I have descriptions and that’s it. I do not care if your character is made up on the spot or if you prefer to rp as a canon character. Shippers......I’m sorry but I will not rp a canon character as anything other than a side. I do not rp them as mains so if you were looking for some sheith or klance I’m sorry to disappoint you. That being said you are free to play as any canon character you desire or an oc as I’m open to oc x oc pairings or oc x canon pairings (you being the canon character) and I do either MxM or FxM pairings. Romance and non fade to black smut will both occur in the rp but it must be slow burn. I do not do fast paced love at first sight as it’s just not something that holds my interest. No sub dom dynamics, switch dynamics only and please no characters whose entire personality is just one emotion or one trait they have. Guys.....please don’t call my aliens furries or whatever. I don’t rp generic spray painted humans and we’re rping in a world full of wacky and crazy aliens that have fur,scales,tails,multiple arms, etc so I find it Incredibly annoying to have a label forced on my character like it’s a bad thing. Alien means something not from earth, if a human was to be born on altea or daibazzal, it’d be considered an alien despite probably being a hundred percent human. If your view and comfort zone is restricted to aliens that look like an altean and nothing else then you needn’t not message me. I’m not going to make you rp with me if this is a dealbreaker so if you don’t heed this warning then you do not be rude after pulling a shocked pikachu. Be mature about it if you realise it’s a deal breaker rather than just blocking or suddenly deciding you no longer want to talk to me and that you’ll just ignore me till I unfriend you. DO NOT COME TO ME SAYING OR ASKING YOU WANNA DO A SHEITH RP/ DO YOU RP AS THESE CANON CHARACTERS! I cannot stress this enough. I don’t know how I can make it any clearer that I do not do canon character mains nor do I do rp’s solely for the purpose of shipping said rp characters. As I’ve said before, if you wanna play a canon character go ahead but I will not rp a canon character as anything other than a side. My oc’s are my mains. You and your characters must be 18+. I’m in my twenties and will not rp with a minor, especially since I have mature and adult themes in my rp’s that I do not want to get into trouble for Rping them with someone whose underaged. Underaged characters are just........a big no for the sole fact that my characters are adults and that i do not feel uncomfortable playing against underaged characters. You must be able to give me one or more responses a day. If it’s been two weeks since the last response and you’ve mysteriously disappeared then I’m not going to stick around for the day you decide to answer me. I do not like having my time wasted for any reason. My time zone is the eastern Australian time zone but I’m available and awake at odd hours so time zones aren’t too big of an issue for me. Remember that I’m looking for a long term partner, someone to carry an rp with for more than just a few days or a week and someone to write multiple stories with. I have tonnes of ideas and head cannons for the rp but I’m open to brainstorming and ideas. We can mix and match ideas till we get something we both like. I want this to be a shared job, don’t expect me to be the one to carry everything just cause I’m the one supplying the idea. Down below I’ve decided to list a couple of ideas that I have: New school defenders: the paladins of voltron have been defending the universe for years. Many stories of their countless victories, battles and struggles are something that every parent who was alive during the war told their children. Once the main three were taken out (haggar, lotor and zarkon) the paladins settled down to teaching the garrisons new generation of cadets. The new change in curriculum was welcome for many as well as a new change in ship style. To make sure that peace could be maintained in every quadrant of every galaxy the paladins of voltron has trained the cadets to fly animal styled space ships like the lions. The animal ship a pilot was assigned depended on their personality, strengths, weaknesses, how well they worked in a team and their style of fighting and piloting skills. The importance of team bonding was something the paladins basically preached. When news of the return of an old foe forces the paladins to return to their jobs as voltrons warriors and they suddenly disappear many write them off as dead or perhaps in distress. None of the superiors are interested to find out..... so who will? Lotor’s reign: It was unbelievable. It couldn’t be true. It had to not be true. Voltron taken down by lotor, son of the mighty emperor zarkon himself, and the paladins were now working for him without question as his top generals?! When the news had first hit many people had panicked whilst countless others had been slain for daring to believe and protest that it was all just some lie made up by the half galran prince who was now an emperor like his father before him. Princess Allura herself was locked away in an unknown location after refusing the cruel man’s hand in marriage so she is no help for what is now a lost hope. Lotor’s reign had well and truly begun all those years ago and it was holding steady. People had forgotten long ago that even in complete and utter darkness….one can always find a speck of light that burns bright no anger how small. Mirror mirror: For many years people believed the galra were a race of cruel, vicious, animalistic thinking beings whose only goal was to destroy and conquer words. No one would’ve ever believed that it was the peacekeeping alteans that had been working to plot the galaxy’s downfall. Voltron, belonged to the galrans, they’d been the ones who’d built it after all despite letting alfor pilot voltron’s right arm. When the king had been turned down on his idea to share the mighty robotic war machine he simply built his own. Five dragons that formed dracotron were what the alteans used as their voltron and weapon to conquer the galaxies. Emperor zarkon, under the advice of Haggar the witch, was one of the few world leaders who managed to get his people to safety. Ever since watching the great kingdoms that he’d known for almost ten thousand years fall under the alteans greed and obsession for power over peace, he prayed for miracle in whatever form he could get it in. When two young stragglers end up stranded on the galra’s second home world, the cards of fate are laid according to haggar, much to everyone else’s confusion. What could two lost souls possibly do to bring back what was lost to the alteans? Gamora’s guns: The guns of Gamora was a rebel group with the goal of foiling any plans of the altean empress allura. Led by the brave commander Sven and his somewhat neurotic sidekick Slav, the gun’s were spread far across the galaxy in little pockets of altean dominated space to keep tabs on the empires schemes and try their best to counteract them. The new recruits were aliens and humans from far and wide working together hand in hand to try and prevent a reign of terror from truly taking over. When plans for creating a super weapon fall on the ears of a trusted source, the newest batch of recruits are sent to locate, find and bring back the blueprints. Of course, such things are easier said than done. The chosen: Keith.lance.hunk.shiro (or Sven, depends on whether you want this to follow a legendary defender type story arc or one of the older series). Allura. Pidge. These were names that belonged to the universe's greatest heroes. Legends beyond all compare. They were champions of the universe and paladins of the mightiest robotic warrior to have ever been built: voltron. The great robot and the lions that formed it were well over ten thousand years old…..sadly for the paladins, they knew that they wouldn’t live to or beyond the great age their lions and oldest enemies had. The galaxy garrison had worked extra hard on ensuring that the next generation of pilots would be suitable candidates for the possibility of becoming voltron’s future paladins. Each paladin chose a student whom they felt like would be the most suitable to take their place and trained them with the knowledge that they were not the ones who had the final decision as to who flew who…..or even if they’d fly at all. What happens when one student fails and is rejected by not one but all the lions? What becomes of them and what is their place on team voltron? What happens to the rest of the team? Only time will tell, according to coran, such a thing has never happened before…...but what happens if it does? From all walks of life to the universe's greatest heroes: Shouldn’t have to explain this one too much. Forget the show paladins, bring your oc’s or next gens onto the table and let them take the stage! Before we reach the end of the post, here are some important reminders: 1: NO REACHING OUT TO ME ASKING FOR A CANON CHARACTER SHIPPING RP! I DO NOT DOUBLE SO DO NOT ASK! 2: DONT MESSAGE ME IF YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NOT VERY HUMANOID ALIENS! 3: NO GARY STU’S OR MARY SUES! GIVE YOUR CHARACTERS A PERSONALITY THAT ISN’T JUST ONE EMOTION OR TRAIT ONLY! For those who’ve read this thoroughly thank you and congratulations! If you’re at all interested please send me a request via one of the contacts below that says who you wanna be, which lion or paladin you think you’d most likely to be if you were in voltron, which idea you liked (or one of your own) and the numbers 123 to confirm you’ve read everything. My discord: tiberionsunsconqourer#6187 My telegram: Tiberionwars My hangouts: lleo52560@gmail.com Hope to write some awesome stories! Will accept requests as long as this ad is up.

[werevulvi]

I don't think I've ever made an in depth post here about where my views really lie, in terms of not just gender identity/trans stuff, but gender and sex as a whole in society. Where my radfem views basically kinda mesh with MRA views. Because it's kinda difficult to put into words. But I want to try. So that you all will know who it is you're actually following. So, I wanna start off with a disclaimer that I will be using certain words and terminology that might make you frown, but please try to see those words as loose descriptions rather than as fixed labels.

I still think that radfem is what lies closest to what my views can be labeled as, if any label at all, as I agree with majority of it. However, there is an MRA twist to them. So to start off... I dunno where to start, but... patriarchy? Yes, how about that! Then let's just ramble on from there. Do I think there is a patriarchy? Yes, I do. I think what's generally called "male socialisation" is inherently destructive to women as a class, and that "female socialisation" is also inherently destructive to women. It raises men above women which takes away our agency and much of our freedom. It exploits us sexually and makes us not only get the short stick biologically but also socially. This is what I generally view as patriarchy. A world of men dominating and controlling women, a rape culture, if you may.

However, what I see, that I don't think most radfems even acknowledge, let alone agree with, is that this patriarchal system is almost as bad for men as it is for women. It assumes men as inherently awful with no chance of redemption, perpetuating basically what's called "original sin" - yet men are taught that they're disposable, only useful if they make a ton of money and sacrifice themselves and their livelihood for women and children. That is an immense burden, and this is where my MRA views come in. I view the world of men and women kinda like this: Imagine an inner circle and an outer circle. In the inner circle are women, protected yet exploited by men, objectified and hold to lesser value, as housewifes, sex objects and baby-making machines, yet don't have as high expectations to contribute in the world. They don't have to go to war, or work themselves to an early grave, they don't have to sacrifice their lives for the opposite sex. But they do have to sacrifice their freedom and their bodies, for men and for reproduction. This is a heavy burden for women to bear.

And in the outer circle are men, having more freedom, yet higher expectations to contribute in the world, as money-makers, disposable soldiers, etc. They are expected to keep the world running and never complain. They are equally as useless unless they perform their reproductive role too, and as disposable slave workers. They are less likely to face sexual and emotional abuse, but are far more likely to face virtually every other kinda abuse. They have tried to fight this injustice, like women have fought against theirs, for as long and as relentlessly, but there is less empathy for men. There always has been. Their struggle is not taken as seriously, because it is less visible. They appear to have it all, but they really don't, and those who do, fought through hell to achieve that.

Men have a biological and social advantage, yes... but for a very heavy price. A price which I don't see many women particularly willing to pay, for those advantages. A MGTOW on youtube once explained that "inner vs outer circle" thing, and... it changed my world view. Since that point I've been on and off between feminism and MRA, because deep down I know he was right. Both MRA's and feminists are right, and that's probably why they cannot work together, nor fold for the other. Nor should they! Maintaining these ideologies as opposites, as enemies, is causing far more problems than either of them are solving, I think.

On a personal note... I am willing to pay that price, for getting the opportunities that men have. Since my transition, I have been made gravely aware of that price that men pay to be successful and considered valuable. Men are NOT seen as more valuable than women. They gain value by working their asses off and making huge sacrifices along that way. If they don't... they're useless neckbeards, "beta males" or homeless with nothing at all. Women also have to put work in and make huge sacrifices to be seen as valuable. Namely, they have to sacrifice their autonomy and their dreams to be caregivers and mothers. That's a heavy price too, but women can't ever become as useless and without value as men can. Albeit horrific, women have intrinsic value in our reproductive ability, but men (according to patriarchy/society) do not have any intrinsic value. They HAVE TO work for their value.

Having said that... I no longer give a shit who has it worse, men or women.

Both suffer under this horribly dehumanising system, which is patriarchal, yes, but it's more so heteronormative. Because it all comes down to our crap biology. Because here's the thing and you may not like reading this, because this where I think MRA's are especially right, which is where I’ll probably lose most feminists: Males are biologically driven to reproduce fast and effectively. They make a ton of sperm and if they don't try to knock up as many females as possible, their genes will get lost and they'll have no family to raise. Their biological value as individuals is dependent on this. Their biological role is miniscule when it comes to breeding, so they try to make up for it by being financial providers and offering protection to females whom are physically weaker and more susceptible to harm.

Females are biologically driven to be selective with their reproduction, because if they're not, they'll go through traumatic pregnancy and childbirth for basically nothing. Females really need to make sure they pick the best genes, and their biological value is dependent on this. Which creates a huge clash between male and female goals, a constant battle hunt of prey vs predator. And that is what creates a rape culture, of males aggressively hunting females for their vaginas, and females desperately protecting their vaginas from useless genetics, bodily harms and getting pregnant too much for their bodies to handle.

This is not just about humans, hence why I wrote males and females, but practically all mammal species. What happens with humans is that we've evolved a little from our primal instincts and intellectualise our existence, and what's the meaning of life. But we still have our biological instincts, and this is what led us to create more complex societies than other mammals do, but these societies are still very similar to most other mammals' equally patriarchal, heteronormative, systems of gender roles. Men did not create this. Nature did. Beautiful, flawless, wonderous... mother nature, damned us all. Patriarchy is not a coincidence, nor a human creation at all. Our societies may be social constructs, but they are based on our reproductive instincts, which have been with us since long before we even became homo sapien.

I get angry when I write/think about all that. Not because "you're all dumb to not get this" or anything like that, but because this hierarchy seen in almost all mammals, including humans... is unavoidable and cannot be fixed. It's an unfortunate outcome of how sexually dimorphic species are biologically built to breed and continue their species. And that is what makes it so upsetting, so aggrevating, so insidious. Because no matter how much feminism, men's rights movements, LGBT communities, humanitarians, socialists and whatever the fuck it all... females will always be at a biological disadvantage, and males will always be at an biological advantage. We can't fix that. Which means, we can't fix patriarchy. Then why even bother? Why try to fight for female liberation, if patriarchy and rape cultures are unavoidable and unfixable? That's what comes down to morals, values, what we want and wish and dream. That matters, it always will, no matter the outcome! I think the world can still be made better than how it is today, especially in third world countries, and that male aggression can be better controlled. I think more choices can be opened up, for both sexes, and that the gender roles can be made less restrictive. And I think that's worth fighting for, even if it's a far cry from feminism's ultimate goal. But I need to also stay realistic and have a plan B, which is to figure out how to thrive, as an individual woman, in this patriarchal rape culture.

And my way of doing so is to try my best to live mostly as a man, taking all the shit men get, for the price of climbing higher up the ladder and avoiding (some of) the disadvantages of being recognisably female - but still take on the female roles that I want for myself, such as motherhood, and take the risks that come with that too. I don't have everything figured out yet, and I don't know what kinda relationship I want yet. But I'm starting to think that maaaybe I would benefit more from taking advantage of the straight privilege I have with my bisexuality, a more pragmatic approach... and get myself a decent househusband, for more convenient breeding. I would like to date another woman again, don't get me wrong, but that feels a bit unfit for my goals, unfortunately. I don’t wanna make hard shit even harder for myself, when it can be avoided.

Love... isn't my main driving factor in relationships anymore. Although I'm gonna need to think it through VERY properly, if I really think that setting love aside for a more practical partner arrangement, is actually a good idea. Regardless, however, I do have attraction to men, but even straight women can marry for practicality and end up miserable and abused because of it. So it has nothing much to do with sexual orientation on that point, but it does in the sense that homosexual marriage can't really be made for practicality. Marrying for practicality is an extremely heteronormative move to make, and one that has been used against homosexuality for centuries, to force gay people into straight marriage. This makes me... extremely uncomfortable and angry, on behalf of all gay people out there, of course.

Yet... I am intrigued by the idea for myself only, as I see the option of marriage from more angles than I used to. I still think marriage should of course be for love as well, and I would never want to choose for others why or whom they should marry, or not marry. That whole dream I have might also be taking on a way too heavy burden and responsibility on my already crumbling shoulders, to aim at being both the provider and a mother, but I want both those things, so it might be worth it. And with that said, having a useful, good, respectful and resourceful husband might be more important to me personally, than any cute frumpy lump of a dude that I just so happen to fall in love with. (But I also wanna point out that my goals and dreams have been switching a lot lately, so please take this sudden, baffling idea of mine with a grain of salt. I'm gonna focus on getting my own ass together first, before I even consider handing it over to someone else again, and I have a lot to work on.) However, say if I'll end up going that route, that is me basically playing into the hands of patriarchy, for the price of getting the best life I can give myself in a broken world which cannot be fixed. I'm not saying my goals are in any way somehow universally favourable. You do you, I do me.

But at the same time I also wanna be inspirational, especially for other women, but in general too. I'll prove to the lot of you that despite being considered a "hopeless case" irrevokably mentally disabled, I'll goddamn make myself into a money-making baby-maker AND a goddamn awesome one at that. I won't give up on my dreams of having a job, financial and emotional stability, and a child. I also won't "correct" myself to fit into the beauty norms of women. I will continue to refuse getting fake tits, laser hair removal, feminising voice training, feminine clothing, makeup, etc. I'm slowly accepting, embracing and coming to terms with being a manly, masculine or even transmasculine, proud woman. And you wanna know why it matters to feminism? Because if I can be a woman, looking like this, living like this... then ALL other gnc females can too. Because not to brag or anything, but I don't think anyone else has taken being gnc quite as far as me before. Almost everywhere I go, I am considered "too masculine" to even be a woman, despite being female, which is a problem that to varying degress affects all gnc females, but I will work hard to change that. And if I succeed to... I'll be paving one fuck of a path for all gnc women after me. You're welcome, sisters.

Furthermore, regardless of my own heterocentric breeding fantasies and whether I make them real or not, I will absolutely continue to stand up and fight for gay, and especially lesbian, rights. No one should be forced, coerced or otherwise shoved into heterosexual stuff against their will, including "girldicks" and "boypussies" - and yes, I will die on that hill. I listen, I hear you, and I will help you spread your word. To wrap it up: So I do CARE about feminism, and trying to make the world a better place by trying to reduce the harm and being a good example in some ways, and I take a very similar approach as radical feminists. I just have a bit of an MRA leaning to my view on patriarchy, which does NOT make that patriarchy any more favourable. I also have a heck of a lot more pessimism about the future prospects of humanity's... own goddamn demise. I'm a nihilist at heart, what can I say? I may love women more... but I don't hate men. No matter how badly many of them have hurt me. No matter how much my c-ptsd makes me fear them. I wanna work with men for a better world that should benefit all of us, not work against them. Yes, I will sleep with the enemy... both figuratively and literally.

[adorable-elsanna]

I don't mean to be rude, and I apologize in advance if I am!! But why do you ship this nd WHY does this ship exist? Aren't Elsa and Anna sisters? And blood related at that. I don't want to hate on ships, you can ship washer you want as long as you aren't hurting anybody!! It's just that ships like these with incest startle me a bit. Maybe I'm just confused since I really shipped Kistof and Anna so I'm missing out on this? Ahhh sorry if this is annoying!! -confused anon

 Hi Confused Anon ( aren’t we all? ;) ),

Thanks for your polite ask, lol finally I get to dust off this blog’s ask box! :)) I’d love to respond with a whole essay xDD but I don’t really have time :’( so maybe I’ll just give a quick rundown for now. 

I might not be the most representative person to pose this question to lol because I am an outlier in general, meaning due to my life experiences, my development, my major in college, my deep meditation practice, and more, I do not abide by normative, dominant, hegemonic social structures and social constructs (nor do I actively resist them per se), so I am unfazed by anything. 

I started shipping this after I watched the first movie when it came out in Nov. 2013. One of my first posts on this blog, 7 years ago, was me explaining how I came to ship this (I had made the post private, but now you can read it here. Also this other post, but I wrote it when I was a college student, so it’s a little too analytical for my tastes now. Those were my views at the time). 7 years is a long time, so my mindsets and reasonings have changed, but all the reasons I had for shipping them from before are still with me today. 

I didn’t go into the movie with the intention to ship them, but while watching it, I picked up on a lot of chemistry between them because their interactions and even storyline were infused with strong popular romantic tropes, tropes that were used in other classic Disney movies themselves. I used to watch a lot of romantic comedies so I was very familiar with common romantic tropes. Of course, having came away from the movie having noticed all these romantic notes between them, I was a little confused and thought maybe it was just me. But when I went online to search a bit to see if others saw/felt what I saw, I found out it wasn’t just me! 

So one of the reasons why this ship exists is because people picked up on the romantic tropes that colored some of Elsa and Anna’s interactions, tropes that have usually only appeared between romantic couples, in films and in real life. Even if the creators didn’t intend to and didn’t actively put the tropes there, they are there. 

If we apply the principles of Buddhism (not the religion. Many ppl mistakenly practice things as devotional worship or for superstitious reasons. But if ppl really want to know everything about the mind, how the world works, the universe, who they are, about themselves and “other” people and why people do what they do, the meaning of life, true happiness, the end of suffering and stress and conflict, and consciousness, then forget psychology [not saying it’s not useful though]. Buddhism, or rather Buddhadharma, is the true science of mind, or at least the much more effective tool), it says that there is the law of cause and effect, the universal law. Everything that is created in the universe and each phenomenon that happens is the result of the momentary coming together of causes and conditions that make that thing happen. There are many many causes and conditions and intricacies and things are interconnected and interdependent, no one person can control something to happen (certain conditions have to be there for something to happen). Something can not come from nothing. If something happens, then certain causes and conditions have been created to bring that result. A seed was planted. If we plant an apple seed, what comes out will be an apple tree (provided the right conditions were met, like water, soil, sunlight, etc.). It will never come out as a banana tree. And so we can understand the underlying principle behind how each situation and phenomenon arises, about existence itself, why each thing exists. 

Now WHY did I go off on that tangent??? LOL All of this is to say that certain causes and conditions have been created to result in the effect of many people shipping Elsa and Anna together and there being a fandom for them. (These principles and explanations might seem very simple and like kindergarten stuff, but despite that, many people can’t accept it. ESPECIALLY when it applies to heavy stuff in their regular everyday life. Or even trivial things tbh lol) The last I checked, there were people from at least 26 different countries shipping Elsa and Anna together. 

Everyone thinks they see reality exactly as it is and takes it for granted, and thus attach strongly to the notion that they’re right. But if that’s the case, then why are there so many fights over who is right? So who is actually right? Even if someone were to follow the majority consensus or some popular, ingrained, long-standing ideas / societal rules, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re right. There are many cases of the blind leading the blind. People used to follow the geocentric model of the universe before they discovered heliocentrism. Ideas are always in flux and keeps changing and transforming, sometimes faster, sometimes slower, sometimes imperceptibly and sometimes conspicuously. If you ask 100 different people why they ship Elsa and Anna, you will get 100 different answers (with a lot of overlap of course) with unique spins on their reasons. Because in the world, each person sees reality through their own color-tinted glasses and filters and adherence to labels, concepts, beliefs, upbringing, etc. And then the person seeing “reality” through red-tinted glasses gets mad at the person seeing with blue-tinted glasses for not seeing the world how they see it (and gets frustrated not understanding why), and vice versa. In this scenario, what is actually best? To realize you’re seeing “reality” through color-tinted glasses, and so you should take them off and truly see reality without any filtered lenses. (This is a little off-topic, but I had to bring some Buddhism into this because first of all, dharma applies to everything lol, and secondly, Buddhism is all about dispelling confusion. There is definitely a way to see reality exactly as it is, it typically involves meditation.) 

Yes, Elsa and Anna are sisters. But I’ve never seen any pair of sisters act like them before (if there are, then that’s great!). I have a sibling myself, and we are very close, but we don’t act like how Elsa and Anna act with each other. With most siblings, I would say there’s a lot more joking around, teasing each other, sarcasm, pranks, and casual relaxed communication than the intense intimacy, deep eye-contact, and soul-bonding that Elsa and Anna share. Disney has portrayed many other sibling relationships before, but it seems like they tried something a little different with Elsa and Anna’s relationship that made it pretty easy for many people to ship them together. 

I ship Elsa and Anna together because their pure true love for each other transcends all labels, concepts, preconceived notions, and time and space. They are completely selfless when it comes to one another and that’s what true love means. They make each other better people and it empowers them to extend this selflessness toward other people. Their sacrificing themselves for each other and selflessness in action is true love exemplified. No one deserves Elsa more than Anna, and no one deserves Anna more than Elsa (speaking from my shipper heart xD). Confining and defining their love as just sisterly seems limiting and not allowing the full potential of their true, expansive, infinite love to manifest. (A sibling relationship is really beautiful, but it still has to be shaped and look a certain way, it has to fit into a particular mold and box and abide by certain conditions. Otherwise, as we have incontrovertibly seen, people will scream bloody murder and be squicked out and all hell will break loose.)  

We can even go one step further to say that the same similarly applies to people’s definitions, notions, concepts, ideas, and beliefs about love. They say this love is like this and that love is like that, this is what love should look like, this person can love this person but only if it’s like this and not like that, this is what it means to love and to be loved, etc. Again, it’s limiting, and placing restrictions on something whose essence is boundless. In Buddhism, with the realization of Enlightenment, one realizes that true love is selfless, unconditional, boundless, free, all-encompassing, nondual, timeless, compassionate, wise, nondiscriminating, infinite, universal, endlessly flowing, non-judgmental, creative, indescribable, and inconceivable. So THIS is the love that I see and ship between Elsa and Anna. I love their relationship as sisters, but their love is so grand that it cannot be contained inside that label, so it transcends and goes beyond any attempts to neatly define and characterize it.

It’s okay if incest ships startle you. Uncomfortable feelings come up whenever the ego experiences anything that challenges its worldview and everything it’s ever known and held to be true, and that prompts it to question and reconsider its mind-constructs. We have a knee-jerk reaction to grasp, hold, and attach to what we like, and to avoid, reject, and push away what we don’t like and what makes us feel uncomfortable. For what it’s worth, Buddhism tells about the cycle of life, death, and rebirth from beginningless time, so we have all lived infinite past lives and been each other’s lovers, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, enemies, grandparents, etc. at one point or another. (Deep, but intriguing!, topics for another time.)  

If you really like to ship Krist0ff and Anna, then go ahead and ship happily. First rule of Buddhist meditation: Whatever you do, ONLY DO IT, 100%. ;) And if you don’t do something, then don’t do it, 100%. And then move on to the next moment. Be in the present moment. And remember that everything is changing moment by moment. Mind is changing moment by moment. Don’t need to anticipate the next moment. Who knows where our shipper hearts will take us. 

I like to ship people based on their chemistry and characterization. Elsa and Anna have a great true love story that is theirs and theirs alone. I don’t like to ship relationships that seem contrived, thrown in there for the sake of it, not fleshed out, lacking in substance, trite, and with characters who are underwhelming or underdeveloped. 

Lol no worries, this is not annoying, I’m sorry this is so long and that I took 7 days to get back to you. I wish I could give specific examples from the movies with beautiful gifs to explain why I ship them (I’ve probably written such posts in the past. Maybe I’ll come back to edit this reply one day), but I’ve gotta skedaddle! I’d like to hear your thoughts about my reply if you actually read this, so please send me a message in the ask box again if you can. 

Also I’m a girl if that makes any difference, but yeah anyway, skedaddle time, love you all! 

Oooooh I never finished replying to someone else’s ask box message asking me why I shipped them, it’s from years ago :’(, I started typing my reasons and saved it in my drafts, but it’s incomplete. But here’s what I wrote at the time!

1. I just love everything that Elsa and Anna feel and do for each other. Elsa isolates herself from Anna to keep her safe, and Anna persists in trying to get Elsa to open up to her and goes to find her when she runs away. They’re always thinking of each other and worrying about each other. They act selflessly for one another and their unconditional love is expressed so genuinely. This kind of devotion in any relationship is rare.

2. There was a lot of chemistry between them in the movie. At the coronation ball scene, I get that the creators were trying to depict awkwardness between them since they haven’t spoken in a long time, and Anna wanted reassurance that Elsa didn’t hate her so she was nervous about getting Elsa’s attention and approval, but the scene came off as Elsa being kind of suave and flirty and Anna being flustered because her crush just complimented her. Then Anna gave Elsa a playful smile when she was dipped upside-down as if she only had eyes for Elsa.

When Anna stares admiringly at Elsa as she stands atop the staircase, it was like a scene straight out of A Cinderella Story or Enchanted where the prince stares at his true love like she took his breath away.

[alixofagnia]

OpheThorn II: A Slightly Less Rambling Analysis

The Missing of Clairdelune is a superb second installment in The Mirror Visitor quartet. We get more of what we loved about the first book, more pieces to the larger existential puzzle, yet it smartly stops short of resolving too much so that we stay invested for the third episode. Christelle Dabos allows herself slightly more exposition. But the novel really succeeds by continuing to follow the less-is-more mantra and the showing vs. telling style.

As you may or may not recall, after I finished A Winter’s Promise, I spent an embarrassing amount of time copy/pasting excerpts from this book into Google Translate with the result that I really did spoil a lot of the OpheThorn parts for myself—which I don’t exactly regret. But, essentially, it left me with a bit less to say. I had a good response to my first OpheThorn analysis (it’s here and thank you for all the kind words), so I did think that I’d like to put something out about Clairdelune as well, I just wasn’t sure what. After some consideration (and a re-read), I do have some more thoughts about OpheThorn.

So, here we go.

[Spoilers included this time]

[All fanart images credited to @patricialyfoung]

Intro

Since Clairdelune begins right where Promise concluded, Ophelia is still pissed at Thorn, while Thorn is still pining for Ophelia albeit in his uniquely aloof way. The only real thing that’s made me scratch my head with them is the severity of Ophelia’s anger/resentment over Thorn having withheld his true ambitions from her and her finding out about them from someone else. I just think it’s a little bit of a weak conflict for them given how pragmatic they are. I get that it’s the culmination of a frustrating situation. But I still think it’s weak.

So, once again the two begin on shaky ground, a space they occupy for the bulk of the novel. They are, at least, together a bit more than before and there’s all sorts of lovely tension, mostly caused by Thorn’s inelegant method of wooing compounded by Ophelia’s stubborn refusal to give him an inch. Thorn’s growing feelings for Ophelia were subtly hinted at in Promise and they become more apparent here, particularly when juxtaposed against Ophelia’s stubborn denial of hers for him.

And I just adore the cover art! Don’t you?

Thorn and Autism Spectrum Disorder

This is what I want to discuss. I may be alone in this, but it seems like Thorn could be coded as having autism spectrum disorder (ASD). It occurred to me while I was reading Promise and this time around, I feel comfortable in taking that perspective on Thorn. I like the notion of applying an ASD reading to his character because it explains a few descriptive quirks and makes him more than a “weirdo” or “freak”, which is reductive labeling. When considering his interactions with other characters and their reactions to him, this reading lends an added layer to his actions and overall development.

But let me make something clear.

This book isn’t about ASD, so I’m not suggesting that Dabos intended to write Thorn as having ASD or is trying to make a statement in any way on the disorder, and I’m cautious about how I use this idea to understand the character. This is purely my own speculation/take on the character.

I also want to be clear that I don’t have any personal experience with the disorder. I’ve met people with autism and ASD and they were all very different from each other and had very different needs. So, I’m largely making connections with textbook examples of ASD and they’re maybe a little bit broad because as I said it isn’t explicitly made clear that Thorn has ASD. I may very likely err in my understanding of this disorder. If that’s the case, I apologize in advance and please do correct me or give me your own opinion on this idea.

Here’s an overview from the webpage of the national institute of mental health:

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a developmental disorder that affects communication and behavior. Although autism can be diagnosed at any age, it is said to be a “developmental disorder” because symptoms generally appear in the first two years of life. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a guide created by the American Psychiatric Association used to diagnose mental disorders, people with ASD have:

Difficulty with communication and interaction with other people

Restricted interests and repetitive behaviors

Symptoms that hurt the person’s ability to function properly in school, work, and other areas of life

Autism is known as a “spectrum” disorder because there is wide variation in the type and severity of symptoms people experience. Although ASD can be a lifelong disorder, treatments and services can improve a person’s symptoms and ability to function.

It’s been shown repeatedly that it’s very difficult for Thorn to be an inviting and easy-going person, even with people he cares about. Thorn struggles with  communication, is emotionally suppressed, is both uncaring and at times completely unaware of how he presents himself socially, and obsessively consults his pocket watch, particularly when he’s at a loss for words or bored, or otherwise ready to get the hell out of any situation that causes him anxiety. He’s highly intelligent, fixated on order and organization, and has a history (as we know from Promise and learn more about in Clairdelune) of meeting intense emotion with impulsive violence.

Here’s a list (also from the NIMH website) of common symptoms:

Making little or inconsistent eye contact

Tending not to look at or listen to people

Rarely sharing enjoyment of objects or activities by pointing or showing things to others

Failing to, or being slow to, respond to someone calling their name or to other verbal attempts to gain attention

Having difficulties with the back and forth of conversation

Often talking at length about a favorite subject without noticing that others are not interested or without giving others a chance to respond

Having facial expressions, movements, and gestures that do not match what is being said

Having an unusual tone of voice that may sound sing-song or flat and robot-like

Having trouble understanding another person’s point of view or being unable to predict or understand other people’s actions

Repeating certain behaviors or having unusual behaviors. For example, repeating words or phrases, a behavior called echolalia

Having a lasting intense interest in certain topics, such as numbers, details, or facts

Having overly focused interests, such as with moving objects or parts of objects

Getting upset by slight changes in a routine

Being more or less sensitive than other people to sensory input, such as light, noise, clothing, or temperature

People with ASD may also experience sleep problems and irritability. Although people with ASD experience many challenges, they may also have many strengths including:

Being able to learn things in detail and remember information for long periods of time

Being strong visual and auditory learners

Excelling in math, science, music, or art

One can’t help but notice that we can check several of these points off for Thorn. Not all, certainly, but I’m sure you can call to mind some of your own examples of him exhibiting many of these behaviors repeatedly.

Where Does Ophelia Fit In?

Thorn has always treated his relationship with Ophelia in a very business-like manner, almost like a negotiation, which makes sense within the context of an arranged marriage. At the novel’s start, Thorn wishes to make amends, but Ophelia makes it very clear that she will not forgive him for his lies and neglect. His response to her is rather clinical.

“We simply can’t allow ourselves to be enemies,” cut in Thorn. “You’re making my life difficult with your resentment; it’s imperative that we become reconciled. […] Meet me at the Treasury, insult me, slap me, smash a plate over my head if you feel like it, and then let’s never speak of it again. Name your day. This Thursday would suit me.” [65]

I suppose this is a rather annoying response, especially if one is really just looking for a simple and genuine apology. But if we read Thorn as having ASD, then this feels a little different. He’s simplifying a conflict that he maybe doesn’t quite understand; he’s been given a different perspective on his actions and it’s perhaps beyond his capability to comprehend. To compensate, he turns this into a matter of business, which is something he can understand quite well, even going so far as to try and pencil Ophelia into his calendar. But he’s woefully unaware of the frustrating effect his language and tone have on her. Of course, what’s key here is what he isn’t saying: that she’s making his life difficult because he loves her; he wants to be on good terms, but doesn’t know how to fix this. Note that he again suggests violence as a means to deal with her emotion.

When they do meet up, Thorn says, 

“I have many enemies. I no longer want to count you among them, so tell me what I must do. That is why you came here, isn’t it? You have a deal to offer me, I’m listening to you.” [152]

He’s desperate. It’s also worth noting that he’s fairly vulnerable in this chapter; he exhibits jealousy and some hurt—Ophelia missed their original appointment because she was with Archibald and forgot about him. 

Modest as always, Ophelia asks only for a job, money to pay Fox, her new assistant, and to see the real outdoors again. She lastly requests that he always be honest with her, especially in matters that directly concern her. In exchange, she will teach him how to Read objects after the ceremony of the Gift and he will teach her how to use the claws that he’ll pass to her. She also reiterates, for good measure, that this will be their only conjugal duty. He grants the first three readily enough, but the fourth one trips him up. He does agree to it, but it’s obvious that it will cost him in more ways than one.

While I imagine that he’s receptive on some level to sexual intimacy with Ophelia, I think he’s more afraid of intimacy in general. Sharing things and being honest with a partner means opening oneself up to vulnerability, to weakness. The undertaking he’s set for himself—a mission he’s already devoted 15 years of his life to—doesn’t allow for that kind of intimacy; rather, it requires utmost resiliency, secrecy, and focus. Furthermore, if he were to be seen forming loving attachments (with Berenilde, Ophelia, or anyone else), then that could be turned against him over the course of fulfilling his risky endeavor. It’s that very fear, in fact, which has made him exclude his aunt (and attempt to exclude Ophelia) entirely from his investigation. His pursuit of a noble title and legitimacy is a front, an easy excuse he thought up to satisfy Berenilde’s and the court’s curiosity about why he suddenly wanted to get married and Read Farouk’s Book.

Like Thorn, it scares Ophelia to feel herself falling in love. Perhaps the womanly pride she carries with her makes it difficult for her to open up. After all, love and marriage were never apparently high on her list of things to accomplish either. Ophelia and Thorn are separately dealing with the same conundrum, which is that to love means to fear, and that’s messy. It could get in the way of a life that is humble (Ophelia) and a life that is ambitious (Thorn). Simply put, neither one had accounted for even the possibility of love in their marriage.

Perhaps because Ophelia is a Reader, I think that deep down she likes the enigma and challenge that is Thorn. Yes, he’s frustrating, but she never truly loses interest in him. Indeed, if anything, she becomes increasingly intrigued and is entirely won over when she at last learns all about what he’s doing. Ophelia is very likely the first person to make Thorn both confront and attempt to correct his inadequacy in areas of intimacy. As I touched on in my previous analysis, Ophelia calling Thorn out on his behavior and habits is surely a novelty for him.

“I believe neither in luck nor in destiny,” he declared. “I trust only the science of probabilities. I have studied mathematical statistics, combinatorial analysis, mass function, and random variables, and they have never held any surprises for me. You don’t seem fully to grasp the destabilizing effect that someone like you can have on someone like me.” [377]

Ohhhhkay. 

It turns out, she’s a bit of an enigma and definitely a challenge to him in kind. This is Thorn’s way of trying to tell Ophelia that he loves her. 

Thorn and Ophelia seek control and wield it differently. Thorn can be arrogant and overconfident with it, and he wants to be its sole retainer. Ophelia also wants to retain it but as it pertains to her decisions for herself, and she rebels against it when she feels like that’s being taken away from her. It’s important to them that they are in control of their own actions and destinies. But what neither one of them understands is that those we end up loving is often (or maybe always) outside of our control. Love has no explanation, and doesn’t require one. You can’t predict it. You can’t dictate it. You can’t calculate it or quantify it.

Ophelia seriously turns Thorn’s life, and everything he thought he could predict or control about it, upside down. Initially unwittingly, then actively, she encourages him to develop.

ASD Made Sexy

As inelegant as he is, Thorn does have his own way of being shocking:

“You wanted me to be honest with you. You will thus learn that you are not just a pair of hands for me. And I don’t give a damn whether people find me suspect, as long as I am not so in your eyes. You will return this to me when I have kept all my promises,” he grumbled, holding his watch out to Ophelia without noticing her stunned expression. “And if you still doubt me in the future, just read it.” [156].

You guys, this is kind of romantic, right? He’s so direct and it really flusters Ophelia, who is steadfastly resisting the decidedly non-business-like turn their relationship has taken. Skip to novel’s end, however, and she has totally changed her tune about Thorn. Right before they believe they will be parted forever, Thorn finally gives a straightforward confirmation of his feelings.

“Don’t go falling down any more stairs, avoid sharp objects, and above all, above all, keep away from disreputable people, alright? […] Oh, and by the way, I love you.” [486]

Swoon. 

The fact of the matter is this: despite his unconventional looks and mannerisms, Thorn hits a certain level of sexy. Which begs the question: Can ASD be sexy? Sure, one could say that his sex appeal comes naturally with his role as the male lead, which is directly connected to his chemistry with the female lead. But I think there’s actually an important distinction to be made; it’s not whether ASD itself is sexy, it’s whether a character with ASD is sexy and I think that’s important because you don’t want ASD to be treated as a gimmick in fiction. It matters how that kind of character is presented. 

Thorn’s ASD traits make him eccentric at best and a “freak” at worst, by Ophelia’s own description. Some of Thorn’s less offensive eccentricities are portrayed in an endearing light: his brusqueness with silly persons (i.e. Archibald, Baron Melchior) and their silly behavior; wearing his heavy uniform in a tropical illusion when there’s no evident dress policy for officials; preoccupied with tending to the order of his office over the tending of his wounds; launching a dangerous existential investigation all because of an illegal and unjust disruption in odds and probabilities, an utter crime in Thorn’s eyes.

But it’s also important to look at how other characters view him. Those at the Pole may look down on him, but there is no doubt that he commands a considerable level of their respect. He’s at the center of Citaceleste’s political and economical arenas, and has some judicial power as well. In short, he’s the one that everyone seemingly runs to in a crisis. Ophelia begrudgingly admires his self-control, coolness under pressure, and appreciates that he is not corrupt, like the other officials and aristocrats. Naturally, Berenilde regards him the highest. She, more than any other, gives us a glimpse of the true Thorn, putting forward the image of a protector, provider, and all-around genius.

So, the answer is yes. Thorn is sexy.

Ophelia and Asexuality

OK, I realize I’m going off on a tangent here, but since asexuality is a common reading of Ophelia that I see in reviews, I wanted to address that as well. 

There are many instances of Ophelia fulfilling, for lack of a better way to put it, the butterfly trope:

Perhaps it was due to the nervousness Thorn brought out in her, or the lace veil obscuring her vision, or the scarf coiled around her foot, or her pathological clumsiness, but the fact is, Ophelia tripped on the final step of the stairs. [28]

Hearing Thorn reawakened such nervousness in Ophelia that she seriously considered hanging up on him. [63]

She did, however, have to admit that Berenilde had got it right: it was indeed out of cowardice, more even than anger, that she’d spent recent weeks avoiding him. [100]

Somewhat embarrassed, Ophelia wondered whether he felt as nervous in her company as she felt in his. [160]

Ophelia felt her blood throbbing against her eardrums, but couldn’t have said whether it was due to sudden relief or, on the contrary, heightened tension. [323]

Ophelia gets butterflies whenever her love interest is near. It’s important to note that she’s not afraid for her safety when she’s with him, although there is one incident, where she thinks he’s going to strike her, which is quickly dispelled by his sincere assurance that he’d never harm her. He gives her butterflies often by doing totally mundane things such as standing in front of her or looking at her, and that bothers her. But why? 

Like Thorn, she’s convinced herself that intimacy and love aren’t for her. Some reviewers have praised Ophelia for being a representation of asexuality and, while I think there’s a strong case for her being somewhere on the asexual spectrum, I stop short at positing that she’s totally uninterested in sex or doesn’t experience sexual attraction. She’s noted, on several occasions, both in Clairdelune and Promise, Archibald’s handsomeness. In this novel, she also notes Fox’s.

With his gold braiding and red mane, he was as dazzling as Thorn was dark. Ophelia sensed herself coloring just looking at him. [165]

So, she does experience sexual attraction and, furthermore, she physically reacts to Fox’s appearance (though never to Archibald’s), which suggests that she’s not wholly disinterested in sex. In Promise, she commented that “no man had ever quickened her pulse” and lamented about whether she’d ever feel that way about someone, and I think this is probably the point at which most readers took away that she might be asexual.

But, like...

Thorn is the only man who produces intense and consistent physical reactions in her.

Also, if you look at the [323] quote above, he did in fact get her pulse up. Just saying.

Rather than label her as purely asexual or even being on the spectrum, we could instead speculate that, as a Reader, she’s experienced to some degree love in all its forms through countless objects and perhaps she can’t help having this reaction to love and intimacy. I’m not trying to be cynical or pessimistic, but love can be treacherous and people are driven to do all kinds of terrible things for it or because of it. As wonderful as love is despite that, it seems likely that Ophelia has simply decided it’s not something she wants to navigate. Or she just hadn’t met someone yet who was worth all that trouble.

I’ll Close With This:

“You’re free,” whispered Ophelia. “Free to go, free to stay. I won’t make you leave one cage for another one, although, as you’ve seen, I really don’t live in great security. I decided your fate without taking time to think, or to speak to you. I was selfish…and I still am. […] I still am because, deep down, I would like you to choose to remain by my side. I know that apologizing can no longer change anything, but anyway: forgive me.” [135]

Ophelia says this to Fox after rescuing him from the dungeons of Clairdelune and taking him on as an assistant. Now, when I read this, I couldn’t help but think that it’s precisely the apology Ophelia wants to hear from Thorn. Yet, here she is, guilty of doing to someone the very thing she holds against him. Isn’t it funny how hypocrisy and love are such good friends? As we know, articulation and eloquence are not Thorn’s strengths and some of Ophelia’s aversion to him is based around her inability to accept this part of him. 

Eventually, Thorn does make, more or less, the same apology.

“I should never have involved you in my affairs. I knew it would be dangerous. I convinced myself that I had the situation under control, and that mistake almost cost you your life. […] There is one thing that I have tried to tell you several times. I’m no good at these formalities, so let’s get on with it and speak no more of it. […] Please forgive me.” [444-45]

Strangely, she barely acknowledges this; she’s too busy having an epiphany.

At that second, she finally knew with absolute certainty where her place was. It wasn’t in the Pole, it wasn’t on Anima. It was precisely where she was now. At Thorn’s side. [445]

Well, perhaps this isn’t so strange since the novel starts off posing the question to this answer.

Deep down, Ophelia wondered where exactly her first home might be. Since she’d arrived at the Pole, she’d already visited Berenilde’s manor, the Clairdelune embassy, and her fiancés Treasury, and she hadn’t felt at home in any of them. [24]

The theme of home and belonging permeates this novel in a more central way than its predecessor. Ophelia is repeatedly confronted by it, but it’s also echoed in Farouk’s obsession with the Reading of his Book and finding out where he comes from and what happened in his past. When her family arrives from Anima, she sees the Pole and Thorn through their eyes. She ends up defending both from their disapproving remarks and in doing so, she realizes that she has ceased thinking of Anima as her home.

Life in the Pole was like that: wherever one went, whatever one did, danger was part of daily life. And yet, Ophelia reflected, she didn’t hate it that much, that life. [280]

Thorn’s apology seals the deal: she understands now that she was mistaken. Home is not a place. People, those who love you and who you love in return, give a home meaning. Belonging, likewise, is only made possible by the people who accept you and give you a place among them. It’s been hard-won, but she’s found both in the Pole, in Thorn and Berenilde. Her lack of a direct response to Thorn’s words suggests that she’s already forgiven him, that it matters less to her that he struggles with communication, that she’s finally accepted him for who he is and, better still, found him lovable despite that.

If we read Thorn as having ASD, then this intense dynamic between them is a positive treatment of mental/social disorders in fiction, which is really the only point I had to make with this entire thing.

Where Does Ophelia End?

I asked this question in my last analysis. Based off of the fact that, when we left her in Promise, she was experiencing some serious discomfort in body and soul directly connected to Thorn, I predicted/semi-already-knew that she would evolve toward him.

At one point, Ophelia loses the ability to pass through mirrors. We understand that it’s because she’s been lying to herself; after all, her great-uncle made it very clear that mirror-traveling is impossible under such a circumstance. It’s ironic because, by her own admission, she’s a “bad actress” [161] and, according to her mother, “was never any good at lying” [157].

She’s just so stubborn, isn’t she? It’s gratifying then to read when Ophelia overcomes it. Thorn makes a public announcement, cancelling his marriage, refusing to Read Farouk’s Book, and handing in his resignation as Treasurer. He does this to protect Ophelia and her family from imminent danger but at risk to his own welfare and position. He’s basically committing suicide, which very nearly turns literal at novel’s end. Ophelia can only think to go to him by the quickest means possible.

She looked straight at her determined face, beyond its scratches and bruises, finally ready to face that truth that she hadn’t wanted to see. It wasn’t Thorn who needed her. It was she who needed Thorn. Ophelia plunged, body and soul, into the mirror. [416]

I don’t think I need to spell that out.

Thorn and His Watch

To go on a little bit of a tangent, I also wanted to touch on the watch.

I believe it was mentioned in Promise that the watch had been a gift from Berenilde, which is so precious. Berenilde is the only true parental figure Thorn has known. She used her status and wealth to protect and care for him, and seems to understand him as only a mother--one with a child the rest of the world refuses to accept--can. I thought her reaction to Thorn’s suicidal announcement was especially devastating.

She had begun to shake so hard that Agatha rushed to take the baby from her arms. Bent double in her chair, as though punched in the stomach, Berenilde looked imploringly at Ophelia. “I beg you. Don’t abandon my boy.” [412]

Keep in mind that Berenilde has outlived her three biological children, none of whom survived past childhood. Thorn is such a lonely figure that it’s easy to forget he comes from somewhere. But Berenilde’s reminder to us is clear: he’s not the child of his Dragon father nor of his Chronicler mother. Thorn is her child, and she’s terrified of losing him like the others.

While there can be no doubt of her sentiment toward Thorn, it’s entirely likely that Berenilde foisted much of her maternal grief, trauma, and longing onto him without his express permission; he never seems to regard her with any particular filial warmth. Then again, he once attacked Archibald in defense of Berenilde’s honor, after he seduced her away from Farouk, and Ophelia later notes that he “suspended an investigation and jumped into an airship” to be near to Berenilde when she went into labor with her daughter [373]. Thorn is clearly defined rather more by his actions than his words. But the point is Berenilde is the one who gave Thorn his sense of belonging, and I just adore that.

Metaphorically speaking, the watch represents Thorn’s heart, which was given to him by his mother figure and which he gives to Ophelia as a token of his love and trustworthiness. Indeed, it’s even called a “mechanical heart” [156]. Ophelia has Read one of Thorn’s possessions before (dice) and was overwhelmed by the fury and breadth of his emotions. If she were to Read his watch, she’d probably die. Every time he digs it out of his pocket to look at it, to hold it, to fiddle with it, he’s engraving some emotional signature or trace onto it. Ophelia ultimately decides not to Read it.

“Before you go, I would like to return this to you. You need it more than me, and, in any case, I won’t read it. I’ve chosen to trust you—you, not your watch.” [285]

Her words have a profound effect on Thorn, rendering him totally speechless and maybe more confused than ever. At any rate, he misreads the situation and catches Ophelia off guard with an awkward kiss. It’s kind of a heartbreaking scene, because Ophelia simply reacts (by slapping him) and is genuinely baffled that he took her words for encouragement. I don’t necessarily take this to be evidence of her asexuality. I don’t discredit it by any means, but it just feels more like she was taken by surprise.

The thing is, for perhaps the first time ever in his life, he actively desired for someone to know his true heart and to trust in his sincerity, which is why he gave the watch to her in the first place. In his defense, this was quite a pretty and irresistible thing for Ophelia to tell him and I don’t think she’s as put off as she wants to be.

With ears burning and glasses crimson, Ophelia stared at the faded letters on the old wooden panel—“STAFF ONLY”—as if Thorn might, at any moment, retrace his steps, take back his kiss, and leave his fob watch with her, as she’d suggested in the first place. [286]

It’s funny. She wants to erase the uncomfortable physical side of the incident, but she also wants to retain his metaphorical heart. I mean, yes, it’s broken because of some careless action on her part and she asked for it back so her great-uncle could try to fix it. But still. It’s hard to ignore the metaphor there as well: if the heart watch has changed from beating to broken and she wants to hold onto the broken heart watch to try to mend it…

Well, good Lord, it’s just so obvious, isn’t it?

End

Well, that’s about it. As I said, I really only had the one main thought and then a bunch of smaller ones. 

I just learned—and am seriously devastated—that The Memory of Babel won’t be released in the U.S. until May 2020. I’m hoping this is a tentative date and that it will be available sooner.

In the meantime, if someone could upload a PDF that I could then spend days plugging in to Google Translate (again), that’d be super greeeeaaaat…

For part III, head here.

[daydreamindollie]

bts ot7 | Home

Fragments Series: Just another incomplete written piece/plan/idea - not edited, not proofread, just raw writing w/ my notes

A/N: I wrote a bit of this while I was on holiday two years ago, I think. I really wanted to write my own hybrid au for BTS after being inspired by so many other writers out there, mainly @hollyhomburg , @magicalsalamander , @chimkookie , @daydream-hobii and SOOOO MUCH MOOORREEE! There are just so many talented people out there! Anyway, as this was written two years ago and I hadn’t looked at it since, please excuse any grammatical errors or just any errors really; back then, I tried to write better than I actually could so I’m sure many of the sentences are long-winded. But...yeah! The inspiration was there but without a proper plan, my vision wasn’t steady enough to maintain and just collapsed so...*sigh* another one for the fragments series, I guess...

WARNING: these may contain some of my notes, they will be indented and in italics so you can distinguish them from the writing. 

Also, this may contain some prejudicial views and minor conflicts, nothing major but just so you are all aware x

✚          ✚          ✚

Never Before had you felt so excited to reach your journey’s destination. Seeing as you live almost a full hour away from the city, these time-consuming journies were a normality in your life but they were bearable because you always distracted yourself with music, something to read and would even just watch the scenery run by the car window. All previous times were bearable because distractions always held your attention with a vice grip and iron fist, not on this particular day, however. 

Today, you would get your first ever hybrid. 

You had begged your parents multiple times promising that you’d be responsible for them and that you would take care of them and love them with all your heart. Eventually, they grew convinced and launched at your rambling plea for one such companion. 

“You can go get one tomorrow - heck get multiple! I know how lonely it gets here and we don’t want our hybrid to grow bored of you being its only other companion,” your father joked as you squealed with happiness and jumped into his arms, too happy over the long-awaited agreement.

Your parents could never say no to you for long, these were one of the times where they had tried to put their foot down, knowing the true requirements needed to own a hybrid. Deep down, however, they’d always given in because they loved spoiling their only, oh-so-precious daughter. If you asked for the world, there isn’t a doubt in their mind that they’d still say yes, after all, they have an immeasurable amount of money to spare and with such an amount they already had the world in their palms anyway. 

Months of convincing and pleading has brought you to this moment of ultimate concentration and anticipation for one thing - a person’s incomparable and irreplaceable companion - a hybrid. 

Even before your father’s agreement, you had long debated over the type of hybrid you’d prefer to have above all else. //You didn’t want the typical cat and dog, although that would be a rather tame decision, seeing as this would be your first ever hybrid and more information was available for them. //Maybe a bunny, the hybrid’s counterparts were always very endearing with their large doe eyes and extremely petite physique but hybrid-wise, that meant that they looked a lot like children and - you assume - would behave a lot like them too. Taking care of a child, although you’re very fond of them, isn’t something you wanna sign yourself up for just yet. In your head, you imagine a scenario where you’re able to chat and do fun activities with your hybrid like making up silly dances ti your favourite songs. There’s not a chance on this earth that you can do that with an exotic fish hybrid, they usually had fishtails instead of legs and looked very mermaid-like, meaning that only the richest had them, their mesmerising beauty was always a sight to behold and treasure although, however beautiful they may be, you’d rather be able to interact physically with your hybrid and not just stare at it. A peacock? you heard how high maintenance they were (alongside foxes) due to their animalistic traits coming ever so naturally to them/their counterparts not being usual house pets and therefore requiring more attention than usual. 

All this debating leaves you to wonder over what particular hybrid you’ll end yo choosing and befriending; there’s so much to choose from with pros and cons to each. The idea of even getting one is surreal, there are butterflies exploding with a vivacious flurry within the depths of your stomach constantly, surprisingly able to lift the weight of your precious meal on their frail wings and leaving you toeing the edge of either anxiety or excitement. The feeling, no matter how confusing its effects may be, is something you welcome with open arms, the way a lover would embrace the flaws that were responsible for their partner’s perfection. 

Throughout the lengthy travel, your nerves were itchy with impatience, which made your contemplation of the journey being shorter than expected after finally arriving, all the more peculiar. Your mind certainly has a distinct thought process in comparison to actual logic. Despite all that, it seems as though all of your previous excitement has been completely overtaken by an overwhelming sense of nervousness when facing the hybrid adoption centre. 

It was a powerful-looking edifice, tall and broad, harbouring an abundance of rooms with a similar amount of occupants. Amoung those many rooms, lies your future companion and longtime friend. It’s a heart-thumping prospect, so why were you so antsy? 

“Will they like me?” you hum thoughtfully to yourself, voice shaky and uneven with stress. This was your oppressing problem. You’re certain that you’ll find someone you’ll like but will they like you back? And even if they don’t, will you bring them home with you anyway? Just to know them better and have them eventually take a liking to you, perhaps? But what if they never grow fond of you? You can’t just ‘return‘ them, that’s absurd and so inhumane, it’s degrading; they can feel emotions more prominently than normal animals because they’re part human and vice versa. Your morals scream that you just can’t do that to a person. 

Your stuttering thoughts should have deemed your form motionless but your body moved on its own as if one autopilot from your subconscious. You’re lead through the main doors, across the foyer and right to the front desk, where the lady behind the computer asked however she could help you. 

“Um, I’m looking to adopt today,” you stated surprised at how reasonably steady your voice sounded. 

“Do you have an appointment ma’am?”

“Sorry, no,” you pull a face of guilt, mentally shaming yourself for being unprepared. 

“That’s alright! Do you have a particular type of hybrid in mind?”

“You shook your head ‘no’, “I’ve debated but I’m still very indecisive,” chuckling, the lady smiles up at you. 

“Don’t worry miss, that’s usually the case. Is this your first adoption?” her hazel eyes blink curiously at you.

“Is it that obvious?” you muse nervously as you fiddle and fidget with your fingers.

“Don’t worry it’s only because I work here that it is,” she assures before typing away momentarily, only beginning to reach over to the phone beside her to look up at you again, “please take a seat while I get someone to help show you around,“

Nodding with a sheepish smile, you gingerly take a seat, smoothing down the lap of your pleated skirt before taking the time to observe the facility. On the far left, there was a large door labelled with a metal plate ‘NURSERY’, where you imagine the newly borns are kept and goo at the idea. To the right, there seems to be a very spacious room filled with many pastime activities such as sports balls (footballs and basketballs), skipping ropes, books, a TV and probably more things as your view was rather restricted even though the doors were glass. Behind and to the right of the front desk, is another door that states ‘ROOMS’, which is pretty self-explanatory to you but also sets your nerves ablaze with spine-tingling anticipation with what’s to come. 

Inhaling a deep breath, you attempt to calm and tame your nerves as you pivot from where you’re seated, wanting to explore more of the place without having to walk around. You weren’t really expecting anything more but right behind you stood a tall black door. It seemed to hold secrets that begged you to unveil them. 

The amount of time you spent staring at the barrier that held back any number of malicious or wonderful secrets was unknown but your gaze was foxed for long enough that your feet began to move on their own again. Soon enough, you were making your way down a dimly lit staircase to find a room occupied by several - more specifically seven - hybrids. There was: a cat, two dogs, a peacock, a fox, a fish and a bunny-rabbit?

You tilt your head and shyly wave your hand, your head slightly bowed in timidity, showcasing your bashful demeanour whilst also allowing your eyes to stare at them in wondrous fascination. This was your first time ever seeing a hybrid in person and there were seven right in front of you. //“Hello,” you whisper, meeting the gaze of the only cat who hisses in warning at you, causing you to jump in place, your heart ready to fly out of your chest. You felt the nerves in your body preparing to run if need be but they instantly calmed at the sight of the bunny. As opposed to the pierce almond-eyed cat, the bunny appeared to reflect your anxiety, it was an endearing sight, but he was also beautiful, as a matter of fact, all of the hybrids present were ethereal in beauty. 

The peacock in your peripheral view was especially so, you felt as though he could resemble a prince from a fairytale, even so, the bunny had your full attention. He was nothing like a child as most should look like, he possessed the build of a male with thick thigh muscles, which was probably due to his bunny genes but it was still unusual (in a good way) to see a different beauty representing bunny hybrids. 

“What’s your name?” you ask after reaching the cage bars, eyes caring and warm and unable to hold back your elation. He gave no answer, only a frightened stare, making you furrow your brows. “What’s the matter? Don’t you have one?” you gently press for a response, eyes pleading for him to speak. 

“I’ve...I’ve never been adopted before...” he finally speaks, his voice like a finely tuned harp, having all things that leave his lips be melodious and musical. 

Your eyes widen in surprise, “but you're so beautiful...” you whisper to yourself, smiling fondly when you see a faint blush dusting his cheeks, “maybe you can finally have one if you agree to come home with me,” the instant those words left your lips, the other hybrids, who were looking on at your interaction cautiously, panicked. The peacock and dog shielded the bunny with their bodies as the other pup and the fox embraced him, leaving you to jump at the cat’s loud hissing as the fish banged a tight fist at his tank’s wall. //’Why were they being so protective?’ you ponder, not realising that the cat was reaching for you, past the bars of the cage, with his sharp nails drawn and bare, ready to strike. Just as he was about to claw at your face, a hand grabbed your upper arm and pulled you back. 

“Miss, you shouldn’t be down here!” a man with woodchip hair warns, drawing a taser from his back pocket and going for the cat, which you screamed at. 

“What are you doing?!” you snatch his arm back, expression scrunched up in worry and anger. 

“This lowlife was going to attack you, ma’am,” he reasons, brows knitted together with confusion. 

“Lowlife?...”

“yes ma’am - was going to attack you, a human,”

“I don’t care about that, I must’ve done something wrong in his eyes. I’m sure it was pure instinct for him to lash out,”

“But-”

“if you’re so concerned about them behaving ‘improperly‘, why don’t you teach them by being civil yourself and lead by example,” you huff, “people behave by copying others’ actions, don’t ya know?” you can’t believe how angry you’ve become since you only ever use shortened expressions when your temper was truly pronounced. 

“Ma'am, you really shouldn’t be here,” he warns, finally tucking away his taser, consequently calming your nerves, something all hybrids picked up on and raised a curious brow at after calming down themselves. 

“I know I’m not, I’m sorry for wandering off without fair warning or reason,” you try to be civil but your curiosity is peaked, “but can I ask ‘why‘ I’m not allowed here?” 

“Simply put, it’s too dangerous down here ma’am...” you note how his voice wavers and his eyes are restlessly examining the room, not keeping eye contact with you for too long.

“Dangerous?...” you turn to the hybrids with worried eyes, an expression they were unfamiliar with and don’t quite know how to interpret, “why are these hybrids here then?“

“Ma’am,” the worker hesitates, “these hybrids are the reason why it’s so dangerous,”

“I...I don’t understand...” you mutter, unable to comprehend how people with such sad, gentle eyes could harbour such a threat. The employee with the taser is more threatening to you. 

“We should really get you upstairs now ma’am. I can show you to the hybrids that you will definitely favour,” he puts on a weak smile as he attempts to lead you up the stairs behind you, only to falter in his steps when you abruptly pull away and step towards the cages once more, dismissing the worried gaze the male flashes you. 

“I’ve already made my decision though, so I won’t need to go upstairs,” all eyes in the room visibly widen at your proclamation as you smile in innocent excitement. 

“Who?!”

“The bunny please, if he’”s alright to go with me, that is,” you give the bunny a timid smile, staring into his large doe eyes as you try to tame the butterflies in your stomach. 

“I’m afraid that’s impossible ma’am,”

You pout, “and why’s that?” your tone is stern but also childish in some way, much like how a child would deliver demands during a strop. 

“Well, it’s impossible because if you want one, then you’ll need to adopt all of them.” now, it’s time for your eyes to widen.

“How come?”

“They’ve formed a very peculiar group-pack-alliance,” he sighs as you take a moment to look at the seven hybrids together, it was definitely a strange but lovely picture, “they always cause trouble by lashing out at whoever draws near, especially the cat. Many workers have quit from needing to go have some treatment done on scratches from him. This is why it’“s so dangerous here, they may look harmless but they can really hurt you, and it’s extremely expensive to adopt all seven. I, along with the rest of my coworkers, strongly advise that you don’t even think of adopting any from this group.”

You ponder for a moment, contemplating all your options as you stare at all seven hybrids collectively, “There’s no other way for me to bring the bunny home?”

“I’m sorry but no,” he says sternly, “please, just let me take you upstairs ma’am,”

“Is it possible for me to come here at a regular basis?” you turn back to him, having completely ignored his advice, “So that I can befriend them all before taking them home with me?” 

The worker’s jaw drops, “you actually want to adopt all of them?”

Facing all hybrids, you smile, eyes sparkling, “why not?”

[MAYBE END OF CHPT.ONE?????START CHPT.TWO???⇣]

Yet again, you find yourself taking another long journey to the hybrid adoption centre, giddy with butterflies after a long week of waiting. It would have been easy for you to take the journey every day but you knew how high gas prices were and didn’t want to trouble your parents in spite of knowing their wealth. You were also adamant in being eco-friendly. 

In your hands, you fiddly with the wrap of a large bento box, there were six others surrounding you filled with homecooked meals that you’ve put your heart and soul into. Hopefully, they’ll like what you’ve cooked; you did your best to research what particular hybrids liked. Bunnies loved carrot cake, cats like friend fish, dogs loved meat, foxes too, fish liked anything with bread and peacocks were very fancy with exotic fruits and such. It was a lot of fun to make but you also wanted to introduce them to other foods too. Most of the dishes were advised from the website most prominent in providing hybrid care information but you also included your favourite dishes, hoping to bond with them over something you liked similarly. 

“Good morning!” you greet the secretary, flashing a peppy smile which she returns hesitantly, eyes hovering over the bentos that were piled high in your arms, “I hope this is okay,“ you lift the lunches before quickly making your way down to the basement, too blinded by the excitement of finally making your own friends to notice that the secretary had just begun to protest, only to face the slam of a door. 

“I’m back!” you announce, giggling as you finally make it down the last step, “And I’ve brought lunches!“ again, you lift the bentos with a huff from their weight before setting them down. Facing up, you quickly note the surprised look all hybrids harboured just as you were about to ask what was wrong, your bunny spoke up. 

“You came back...” his eyes were wide and his form rigged, completely unbelieving of the fact that you had returned. 

“Of course I came back. I said that I would sooooo...here I am!” you gesture to yourself with a glint of mischief in your eyes, “Anyway, are you guys hungry? I made lunch,”

“We’re not hungry,” the cat snapped stubbornly from the back of the room, black ears and tail flicking in annoyance. 

[MAYBE REAL END OF CHAPTER ONE????]

please remember that this is, unfortunately, not going to be continued as it is a part of my ‘Fragments’ Series, where I just post works that I have discontinued, maybe still in its drafting/notes-infused stage. I know it might seem like a pointless series but I’m proud of all my works and love to share more than I should. 

[violetosprey]

BTD2 My thoughts on Lawrence

I covered my thoughts long ago on all of the “Till Death Do Us Part” game characters, but I never really took the time to talk about my thoughts about the main series “Boyfriend to Death” characters.  I have actually talked about many of these characters through various different posts.  But otherwise, there haven’t been that many posts dedicated specifically to certain BTD characters.

These posts will mostly be about my own opinions and views (a rough analysis more than anything).  I may end up focusing on multiple aspects of the character, or just one particular one if I think it defines them best (we’ll see).  For those that have read some of my other posts, there likely WILL be some thoughts I’ve stated before that I’ll simply be re-iterating here.  But there may also be some new stuff in here if it happens to come to mind, or because I’ve simply not had the time before to go over such a topic.

It will take a while to get through all 8, so please have some patience and just check back later if it looks like I don’t have a post up yet for a character you’re really interested in.  I will also be talking through these under the assumption that you’ve played/read all the routes (so I might mention but not go into explicit detail on a scene).

*major spoilers below *

Fun Fact: When BTD2 was announced, the character who’s route that I was MOST interested in playing was Lawrence.  He was completely different from what I was expecting to see as a character from these games.  I’m not quite sure what it was about him.  Even with his physical appearance, I could state his traits out loud and it wouldn’t sound like he’d be the kind of guy I’d be into.  But it just seems to work here.  Also, I had this goal when I started the games that I was going to try REALLY hard to survive on my first attempt for at least 1 out of the 4 guys. Needless to say, I failed spectacularly on my first attempt.

I’ll be completely honest here.  I’ve wanted to write about Lawrence for a while now because he’s one of the characters I got REALLY into.  He’s the only one in the BTD series (excluding TDDUP) that I almost was able to get all the endings on my own.  I had two left before I broke down and looked up a guide.  If I had tried a little harder, I probably could have figured out how to get his best survival ending in the bathroom (I had the scenario set up for it), but I couldn’t have figured out the “name” thing on my own (which was the ending I was really looking for).  

The problem is I wasn’t quite sure HOW to talk about Lawrence.  I’ve said this before, but as opposed to BTD, BTD2 gave the characters a lot more depth this time around.  Among them, Lawrence is the hardest to figure out and comprehend. Hell, Gato’s even explained through asks from time to time about Lawrence’s history with finding the river after a drowning incident I believe, how leaving it (or was it constantly returning?) is slowly rotting him, and how he keeps wanting to go back.  We have been given information, but I often have a difficult time either remembering the details, or putting together the pieces. So other than acknowledging that Lawrence was born human but has become something supernatural overtime…not much more I can expand on here at the moment.

One thing the creator has said about Lawrence is that he’s “not good with people.”  I couldn’t agree more!  Lawrence has this conflicting nature where he simultaneously wants someone to bond with, but doesn’t know how.  At the very beginning of the game, he’s meeting up with Ren, whom he’d been chatting with online previously (presumably more than once).  When things get awkward and Ren leaves early, Lawrence becomes SO distraught that he puts the blame on the MC and attacks them.  Then later when the MC is held captive by Lawrence, he may start to like you but…well…remember the whole “spine” bit?  Yeah he’s probably not fully aware that some of the ways he interacts with others could be off-putting to say the least.  He’s also very apprehensive about what the MC says or does at times (ex. MC screaming or taking too long in the bathroom). When he feels he’s starting to lose control, he’s quick to restrict and gag the MC.  And if you push him to complete insanity, he reveals that under that nervous exterior he does indeed have a slight hint of sadism.

Right before I started this post though, I thought of something that I don’t think I’d taken the opportunity to do on my tumblr before:  Compare Strade and Lawrence.  I mean JUST the two together (not compared with all the other characters at once).  They’re both characters owned by Gato that operate in COMPLETELY different ways.  Strade was such a hit (possibly the most popular in the first game), that’s it’s almost like “How do you top that?” or “How do you avoid recycling older material that you know worked the first time?” Strade is just a pure sadistic monster with no supernatural qualities to him (with the exception of a fox boy in his house).  He has no real motivation for being evil other than he enjoys it.  Lawrence on the other hand, is a human whose mind has been gripped by supernatural events, causing him to become mentally unstable. He’s detached from reality and constantly on edge, but still has at least a small desire to connect with other people (that he’s often unable to).

I forget who the heck made the post, but someone made a comment about how after having to deal with Strade’s “unbroken stare” in BTD, it was quite a shift to face Lawrence who is often looking away from you.  This is both hilarious and true.  Strade carries himself with a lot more confidence in a jovial manner.  Lawrence, even when he has you tied up, is nervous and not sure how to deal with the situation at hand.  Strade knows he’s in charge while it feels like Lawrence has to remind himself that he’s in control of the situation.  For example, Lawrence says “he can do whatever he wants to you,” but if you start kicking up a fuss he’ll freak out.  He has the strength to keep you down, but he appears to lack…authority?  Really, the times he seems the most composed ironically are when he becomes COMPLETELY unstable and goes to cut you up.  That’s pretty terrifying.

Strade also loves to hear his victim’s screams, while Lawrence can gag you frequently in his route. Yes, you could say it’s because Strade has you locked up in his own house where people can’t hear you while Lawrence is in a shared apartment building (one time one of the tenants even hears the noise).  But I think even if Lawrence were alone, I feel like he just doesn’t like loud noises or resistance in general.  He’s implied to have gotten a little “dirty” with corpses after all…and a corpse won’t fight back or say a word.  I personally perceive Lawrence as something like a frightened dog.  The dog wants some attention and compassion, but if you’re not careful, you could corner and frighten him to the point where he bites you.

The weirdest thing I probably have to say is that…both Strade and Lawrence like people in different ways.  Strade I get this feeling that he genuinely enjoys conversation and interacting with others. That’s why he appears so friendly. But then he gets his kicks out of torturing people, so how much he can ACTUALLY care about another human being is debatable.  Lawrence (I’m running into speculation territory here) I don’t think necessarily hates or dislikes people, but they do make him nervous.  Still, he wants some kind of companionship (first with Ren, then with the MC if you get him to really like you).  In a strange way, Lawrence comes off as liking you more “genuinely” than Strade ever could.  I don’t really know how to explain it.  But the problem with Lawrence is that when he does decide he likes you and wants to keep you…he clearly doesn’t know how to have a proper relationship (*coughs* cuts your limbs off so you can’t get away *coughs*).

The best ending for Lawrence (as in HIS best ending at least- not talking favorite endings) is where you two connect when you mention the river.  It’s definitely a rather sweet ending.  I think what this may also imply, when comparing this ending to the one where he amputates you, is that Lawrence can never really have a “normal human relationship.”  His mind is has been warped too much by the river and he can never view or interact with the world in a normal manner again.  You have to be on the same level as Lawrence in order to truly bond with him. Kind of interesting.

So what did I think about Lawrence?  I loved him! Definitely don’t regret spending as much time (the most time even) on his character as I did.  Even if it meant just getting killed over and over…and over…and over again for several hours (let’s just say that maybe by the time I got to Ren’s route I wasn’t COMPLETELY upset that I had to kill the guy).  Regardless, Lawrence also gets the award from me for being the HARDEST character to figure out in the main BTD games.  This post was fun to write, but it was just challenging to try to come up with some solid viewpoints.

P.S.  In the event someone reading this is aware that my blog is half BTD/TDDUP and half yanderes goes “Are you seriously not going to talk ONCE about Lawrence as a yandere character?”  Well here’s a short answer for you:  I could see why someone might (and you are more than free to) label Lawrence as a yandere, but I personally do not.  The reason is…Lawrence is weird?  Sorry if that’s an unsatisfying answer, but if I really wanted to get into my reasons why here then this post would be way too long :P

[redorblue]

An ode to Musa Yeswi (from The Ministry of Utmost Happiness, by Arundhati Roy)

(This was originally a part of this post where I talk more generally about The Ministry of Utmost Happiness, Tilo’s character and the peculiar structure of the book. But that post got way out of hand, so I decided to split it up.)

So, Musa. On the surface, his life appears to be nothing but a string of tragedies, with him as a simple vehicle that the author uses to tell us about how fucked up the situation in Kashmir is. After all, he was pretty much forced into the underground after Amrik Singh made him his newest source of entertainment, and “underground” in this context means that he’ll have to join the rebellion. But I think that is a very superficial view on his character. For me, the two defining aspects of his personality are his sense of justice and his bond to the people and the valley of Kashmir. Sure, he could have fled to some faraway place in India, or elsewhere, kept his head down and hoped that Amrik Singh’s network doesn’t stretch that far. That wouldn’t have been easy, but theoretically doable. In reality, however, going someplace else wasn’t really an option. He’s tried that already with studying in Delhi, and even though he obviously knew how bad the situation was back home, he still chose to return after he graduated because he doesn’t want to live anywhere else. He loves Kashmir and his people with all his heart. So the underground it is - because he can’t bear the injustices done to them, because he owes it to his daughter to be brave, because he can’t run away from his grief and this might be the only way to work through it.

And it takes a toll on him, of course it does. It’s heartbreaking how both he and Tilo remark on how he has become less substantial (smudged, as Tilo calls it) than he used to be, which is such an on-point metaphor for what being in a war (and a pretty hopeless guerilla war at that) does to a person. But in his thought processes and his interactions with Tilo (and briefly with Garson Hobart - I can’t remember his real name for the life of me) show that he’s - maybe not the same person as before, but a person, a complete human being, which is a lot more that what you usually get. I mean, let’s face it: he’s a Muslim in a rebel organisation, which is more than enough to get you labels such as terrorist, fanatic, extremist etc. I was a bit afraid that someone in my book club would call him that, because my reaction would have probably got me banned from the book shop. There are so many instances where you can see how kind a heart he has, how intelligent he is, how caring - and yes, also how much he suffers from seeing his people suffer and how he puts everything he has into make it right, but what’s important here is that it’s not his only defining feature. There are so many scenes that I could cite here, but I’ll try to restrict myself.

“The meal was delectable. Musa was a relaxed, accomplished cook.” (p. 431) I know it doesn’t sound like much, but that was the one line that drove home how much I adore his character. It’s from his last visit to Delhi when he accidentally meets Garson Hobart. Theoretically, they’re on diametrically opposed sides of the conflict that has been eating Musa’s life for years, and he’s still able to see his old friend from uni days instead of some guy who used to be pretty high up in his enemy’s hierarchy. They spend time together, they talk, and in the end Musa cooks for Garson Hobart which says so much about his character - how he sees people instead of sides, how he has at some point in his life taken the time to learn how to cook (and getting good at it) instead of relying on some female relation to do it for him, as the stereotype demands, how he still wants to spend some time with an old acquaintance even though he already got what he came for. Maybe I’m reading too much into this scene, but for me it just really encompasses much of what I love about him.

“This is the worst part of the Occupation… what it makes us do to ourselves. This reduction, this standardization, this stupidification… […] if and when we achieve it… will be our salvation. It will make uns impossible to defeat. First it will be our salvation and then… after we win… it will be our nemesis. First Azadi.Then annihilation. That’s the pattern. (p. 371) This scene is taken from when Tilo visits Kashmir for the first time and watches Musa pray - also for the first time. Superficially it might read as him saying Islam/religion in general = stupidification, but I think there’s more to it. First of all, as this passage clearly shows, Musa is not stupid, and second, in a room alone with Tilo he has no need to perform uniformity, so he must actually enjoy the ritual of prayer - maybe as a way to bring him some peace of mind, but definitely not because he wants to eclipse his personhood or something. What he does comment on, I think, is the way that Islam/religion/ideology (not sure which) is used to turn ordinary people into a fighting force. He doesn’t use any of the essentialistic, short-sighted allegations on Islam that are frequently thrown around (the book in general has a very positive portrayal of Muslims), but he looks at it from a functionalist perspective from where it’s indistinguishable from any other ideology ever invented. But this instrumentalization of Islam is clearly separated from the spiritual/personal dimension encompassed by him getting up early in the morning to pray.

“We’ll win this war, and then we’ll be together, you and I. I’ll wear a hijab - although you look lovely in this one - and you can take up arms. OK?” (p. 389) This scene takes place a few pages later, when Tilo prepares to go back to Delhi and she and Musa have to say goodbye to each other. On the one hand, it’s very romantic - not because of the “and then we’ll be together”, but because it’s a white (and very obvious) lie that Tilo needs to hear at that moment (just before that, she witnessed Gulrez’ murder and was interrogated at the Shiraz). On the other hand, it shows that the two of them have a great dynamic that’s not stuck in gender roles. He uses gendered images here to convey that the current situation is a reversal of their normal dynamic where Tilo is more of a revolutionary than he is, but at the same time he shows that he doesn’t really care about the conventions attached to those images. He’s an armed fighter and a commander, which is as manly as it gets when it comes to jobs, but he doesn’t attach any intrinsic value to his role. He doesn’t feel the need to constantly reaffirm his masculinity because his sense of self is not as fragile as that. And if that’s not attractive, I don’t know what is.

Babajaana - do you think I’m going to miss you? You are wrong. I will never miss you, because you will always be with me. (p. 342) This is another snippet that could be cheesy if taken out of context, but here… it really isn’t. These are the first two lines in a letter that Musa writes to his dead daughter the day after her funeral. The whole letter is a work of art, it’s that beautiful, and he never finishes it, which breaks my heart into tiny pieces. It also ties nicely into one of the big topics of this book: the issue of borders and borderlands. In this book, the stories of all the characters deal with the things that separate people and put them into categories, be it gender, religion, caste, physical distance our, as in this case, life and death. However, the book doesn’t stop at criticizing those borders and revealing their artificial nature, it also transcends them. For the gender divide, there’s Anjum who doesn’t really feel at homereally on either side of the gender binary and finds a solution in the liminal space that’s occupied by Hijras. For religion as well as caste, there’s Saddam Hussein who was born a lower caste Hindu and looks for a way to escape both logical frameworks by pretending to be Muslim. For physical distance, there’s Tilo and Musa’s relationship that regularly bridges years of separation and vastly different experiences in life. And for life and death, there’s the graveyard that is turned into a ministry of utmost happiness when it’s inhabited by people who have found a home in each other. And this. This beautiful sentence that a grieving father writes to his daughter who was taken from the world in an act both utterly random and and frighteningly systemic. The same sentiment is mirrored at the end of the book, when Tilo gets the news of Musa’s death, and although it’s hard for her, she has the same feeling: that he isn’t really gone, that she can still be with him on the other side of a border that is, like so many others, not as unforgiving as it seems.And that view, that lesson is definitely the opposite of Musa’s life being nothing but a string of tragedies.

[let-it-raines]

Second in Command - Extra Scene

Sometimes I write Emma’s point of view from certain scenes in Second in Command when I have writer’s block and just need words on the page. It’s easy because I’m not having to come up with anything new. Plus, it’s kind of fun to write Emma’s voice. That’s something that I miss when writing this story, but oh my goodness how long would it be if I wrote the whole thing from both of their points of view? It’d never end. 

Anyways, this is Emma’s POV of her 21st birthday, a flashback scene in Chapter Three. 

Also available on ao3 | here |

Sometimes Emma thinks her life isn’t real. Some of the things that happen to her just don’t seem real or believable or things that happen to normal people. Like, her first serious boyfriend was an asshole who tried to let her be the fall guy for his crime (she’s totally not still petty that he never got locked up), and her second boyfriend is a fucking prince. Like, how polar opposite can one girl get?

 At least, she thinks that Killian is her boyfriend. They haven’t really defined things, and it’s not that she has to have a label, but she’s not sure what to call him when she’s talking about him with other people. And by other people she means her mom and dad. She can’t tell anyone else, which is fine, better even for both she and Killian, but she just knows that Ruby would blow a lid if she knew that Emma was dating a prince. Or that she was just dating anyone, really. Ruby’s convinced Emma’s going to end up as an old maid even though she’s only twenty. She’s still got plenty of time to end up as an old maid thank you very much.

Killian is asleep beside her, or on her really, little puffs of breath coming out of him and hitting against the skin of her stomach from where his head rests. He had a rough day, something about his father not being pleased with him going off script at a garden party earlier today. Most of the time Emma doesn’t think too much about who Killian is outside of the two of them, so she forgets that he lives this life full of structure and traditions. It’s insane to her and absolutely nothing like all of the movies she’s ever watched or books she’s read. She doesn’t understand a lot of it, but Killian seems to always be running what’s polite and proper over and over again in his mind before acting on something. She hates it, hates that he restricts himself, so there’s nothing she loves more than when it’s just the two of them and he can simply be her Killian.

 And she does love him. She didn’t want to, not really, past scars still red against her skin, but it just kind of happened. Killian kind of happened, and sometimes she can’t believe it. She can’t believe how they clicked together, even if parts of it came slowly between arguments and banter and stilted conversations that disappeared as they got to know each other better through late nights and whispered conversations across the bar counter.

 He’s incredibly witty, always making her laugh with his jokes and his innuendos, and it’s been a long time since anyone other than her family has made her laugh like that. He’s also incredibly frustrating, but it’s just because he’s prone to teasing her, a defense mechanism that she uses as well, and frankly, she lives for the back and forth between them. Most of all, he’s good. He’s a good person in a world full of people who aren’t, and she knows it’s because he’s meant to do wonderful things from his position in life. If there’s anyone little boys and girls should look up to, it’s Killian.  

 She runs her fingers through his hair, feeling the silky strands between her fingers as his breathing becomes more erratic, a sure sign he’s waking up from his nap. The surest sign, though, is when he presses a kiss to her stomach and continues until he reaches the valley between her breasts.

 “Hey,” she whispers, her fingers still running through his hair, “do you feel better now that you’ve slept?”

 “Immensely. Thank you for lying down with me.”

 “I don’t have to work until later, so there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.”

 “Than letting me rest my heavy head on your lap?”

 “It’s not heavy. Just big.”

 He laughs, the hot air of his breath sending shivers across her skin before he rolls off of her to the his own side of the bed. “So your birthday is next week, my darling?”

 “Yep,” she pops the p as he reaches down to grab her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles. He’s so affectionate with her, always touching her in some way, and she always thought she would hate being with someone like that but she finds that she doesn’t. She likes the way he is with her, and she finds that she’s learning how to return the affection. “You’re coming to my party, right? Like, after most everyone has left?”

 “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Emma. You’re my girlfriend, and I want to be here for everything that I can be here for.”

 Such a sweet sentiment, but she mostly does a little dance because she has an answer to her earlier pondering. It’s like he can read her mind sometimes, and it would be freaky if it didn’t give her the answers to her questions.

 Killian has to leave later that evening, kissing her goodbye while she gets ready for her shift, and she’s already a bit sad that she won’t see him for a week. His visits are regular but also so sporadic, and she cannot even begin to imagine what it’ll be like when he goes on his overseas tours for more than a week.

 Her week passes as normal, Ruby coming over to help with the final preparations for her twenty first birthday party. It’s stupid, really, to be carrying over an American tradition when she’s been able to legally drink here for years, but sometimes she misses getting to do all of the things she’d always thought about doing when she was a teenager and daydreaming about her future instead of paying attention in her geometry class.

 She had her last few years of being a teenager taken away from her, so she can have a party for her birthday if she wants to.

 Ruby had also insisted, always wanting any excuse to have a good time, and Emma was truly excited. So excited only to wake up the morning of her birthday and having to use the pub’s restrooms because her dad apparently has food poisoning and is suffering from it in the only bathroom in the apartment. So her day goes from excited anticipation to hanging out in her room by herself because her parents made the decision to close everything down in case the food came from them. It…sucks if she’s honest with herself. But it’s just a bad day, and no one is suffering more than her father.

 Her mom and Ruby make the most of it, gifting Emma with new sweaters and a new pair of boots, while also stuffing their faces with pizza while watching a marathon of Halloween movies in the living room before Ruby goes home for dinner.

 Her dad’s food poisoning is particularly unpleasant the later the day goes on, and when she can’t listen to it anymore through the thin walls of the apartment, she makes the decision to hang out downstairs. She can just watch Netflix on her phone or something.

 She gets lost in her phone when the chime over the pub’s entrance goes off, and shit she didn’t lock it back from where she took the trash out earlier, but to her surprise and delight, it’s simply Killian walking through the door, a smile on his face that has to rival her own because oh is she excited to see him.

 “Killian,” she breathes out, swinging her legs back and forth from her position on the bar top, “what are you doing here?”

 She knew he was coming. She did. They’d talked about it and planned for it, but somehow she’d forgotten to tell him about all of the events of the day that led her to sitting in the pub all alone. Usually she’s not that forgetful, but sometimes things do slip through the cracks.

 “Where is everyone, love?”

 Right, so just going to ignore her question for his own. It’s totally what she would do if she walked in somewhere expecting there to be a party only to find one person sitting in an empty bar watching Netflix on their phone and nursing a glass of water. At least his question is a valid one. She already knew the answer to her own.

 “Would you believe,” she begins, hopping down from her place on the bar top, gracefully landing on both feet in a move much more athletic than she usually is, “that my dad got food poisoning and he made us close up because he didn’t know if the bad food had come from us or not? And also because he’s sick, and we didn’t have enough staff to open tonight with me off the clock.”

 She doesn’t know why she didn’t jump him as soon as he walked in, a week far too long to be away from him, but she very calmly walks up to this beautiful man of hers and grabs the lapels of his jacket while he places his hands on her hips. He’s always so warm, and she can feel the heat of him through her jeans as his thumbs manage to find the bare skin above her waistline.

 “I would believe that because that’s a bloody ridiculous thing to make up otherwise.”

 She sticks her tongue out at him, and, wow, mature Emma.

 “Plus,” he moves to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear, “I know you were really looking forward to your party, and I don’t believe you sitting on top of a bar counter alone drinking a glass of water really constitutes for a happy birthday, now does it?”

 “I would say probably not.”

 “But I have a thought on how we could make it…happier.”

 He’s got an eyebrow raised as he squeezes her hip, and wow he can be such a gentleman most of the time only to not so vaguely suggest sex five minutes after walking in the door. She can’t help but laugh at him and the offended look on his face as her entire body shakes as the laughter rolls through her.

 “Kil – Killian,” she gasps out, trying to get a hold of her breathing. “Killian, I just told you that my dad had food poisoning. Do you know what’s involved in food poisoning?” He just nods his head at her, her meaning slowly sinking in. “It’s a lot of gross stuff. Why do you think I’m sitting down here by myself instead of upstairs? It’s gross and we share a bathroom and in no way do I think I could be even remotely turned on right now.”

 I mean, she might could. She loves him, and he’s also incredibly hot. She could be persuaded, but she’s too busy laughing right now to really think about it.

 She finally manages to calm herself down, but then she looks at him and can’t help but giggle. He’s ridiculous, and the pout on his face has her thoroughly distracted.

 “God, if I didn’t love you so much I would have kicked you out for even suggesting that we have sex tonight.”

 She doesn’t even realize what she’s said until Killian’s entire body tenses and his grip on her hip tightens and oh fuck she did not just tell him she loves him like that.

 She thought he felt the same way, but he must not, so she starts to back away and go bury her head in the sink of something, but then he’s grabbing her wrist and pulling her against him, his lips roughly crashing into hers as her arms wrap around his neck. The noise he makes in the back of his throat is something she thinks she’ll remember forever. He’s such a good kisser, and it almost has her forgetting that she accidentally told him she loves him until he pulls back and rests his forehead against hers, his incredibly blue eyes staring into hers.

 “I love you, Emma Nolan,” he whispers before kissing her again, and she’s both relieved and overjoyed that the man she loves also loves her.  “And you can feel free to tell me you love me anytime you want. Not just while rejecting my advances.”

 God, he’s so stupid, but she loves him and thinks he’s funny, so she laughs at him before resting her head against his shoulder and slapping his chest. “But what if that’s the only time I mean it? Because I feel like that’s going to happen a lot.”

 She smirks at him before reaching up to caress his cheek with her knuckles. “I love you, Killian.” She wiggles out of his arms, suddenly remembering the uneaten cake in the fridge, completely disregarding the fact that they just had a relationship milestone because, you know, cake. “Now would you like to help me consume this birthday cake that’s sitting in the fridge? And don’t worry. It’s store bought, so the only thing we’ll be getting from it is a seriously delicious sugar high.”

 She knows that Killian is a notoriously healthy eater while she is not, but he sits beside her on the countertop eating the cake directly from its platter as he tells her about his day. She cannot believe that she accidentally told him that she loves him tonight. She’s glad that it happened now, but she thought she might as well melt into a puddle of liquid Emma at the moment.

 She didn’t want to ever love again, not if it was going to be anything like last time, but she’s known from the very beginning that this is nothing like last time. This is like nothing she ever could have expected, and even if she probably should have put on the breaks and gone a bit slower, she doesn’t want to. She wants to go full speed ahead with this wonderful, wonderful man.

 “What are you thinking about, my love?” Killian questions as he knocks his shoulder against hers, and she likes, no loves, the addition of the “my” in front of his usual love.

 “Just how good this cake is.”

 “Aye, it’s delicious. Though I don’t know about us eating this much in one sitting.”

 “Live a little, Killian,” she teases before swiping her hand through the icing and smearing it all over his face.

 She should have known better, though, because he immediately grabs at her waist and lays her down on the counter before caging her in, his face tantalizing close to hers. And then he’s burying his face in her neck, his scruff tickling her and causing her to dissolve into a fit of giggles even as he starts kissing the skin there, sucking at her pulse point before pulling back and kissing her lips. He tastes like cake and sugar and icing, and it’s wonderful.

 “Have I told you that I loved you today, darling?”

 “I could do to hear it again.”

 “I love you, Emma.”

 “I love you, too, Killian.”

 It’s the best birthday she’s ever had, despite its rocky start, and she really hopes that Killian sticks around for all of her future ones.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Let’s voltron!

“I say vol and you say tron! Vol…..”

“Eh…. voltron?”

“We’ll work on it.”

Hello everyone! I hope you’re all doing well and that you’ve been able to stay safe and healthy during the pandemic (and that the easing of some restrictions depending on where you are has not negatively affected you). After binge watching legendary defender on netflix I’ve had the undying and uncontrollable urge to do a voltron rp. Now I bet you’re all wondering what I want and if you’re going to get to do some shipping…….we’ll I guess you’re just going to have to read on and find out.

I’m looking for literate rper’s only. That means people who write in third person past tense, can give me at the very least one well thought out and fleshed paragraph (as well as be willing to write more when the situation calls for it) and has a decent grasp on their spelling, grammar and punctuation. I will not yell at you for the occasional bout of typonese but one liners, one worders, poorly written responses and lazy writing in general will not keep me around. If I can’t read what you’ve written and you’re not willing to put some effort in or correct it then there’s no point in me sticking around. I also require rper’s who’ve actually watched voltron whether it be legendary defender, defender of the universe or voltron force. If you’re someone whose a stickler for canon accuracy then I’m probably not the rper for you. When I rp in a fandom setting I treat it a bit like a base as in there’s rules to follow but I don’t have to follow them as if I’m reading the show script. To put it simply I value creativity and ideas that allow a different take on the characters and what could’ve happened.

I only rp male alien or alien hybrid characters and they’re premade but flexible in how they’re written. I do not have pictures nor do I desire to spend endless hours of time to find a face claim of a creature that isn’t the typical different coloured humanoids you see in voltron. I have descriptions and that’s it. I do not care if your character is made up on the spot or if you prefer to rp as a canon character. Shippers……I’m sorry but I will not rp a canon character as anything other than a side, I do not rp them as mains so if you were looking for some sheith or klance I’m sorry to disappoint you. That being said you are free to play as any canon character you desire or an oc as I’m open to oc x oc pairings or oc x canon pairings (you being the canon character) and I do either MxM or FxM pairings. Romance and non fade to black smut will both occur in the rp but it must be slow burn. I do not do fast paced love at first sight as it’s just not something that holds my interest. No sub dom dynamics, switch dynamics only and please no characters whose entire personality is just one emotion or one trait they have.

Guys…..please don’t call my aliens furries or whatever. I don’t rp generic spray painted humans and we’re rping in a world full of wacky and crazy aliens that have fur,scales,tails,multiple arms, etc so I find it Incredibly annoying to have a label forced on my character like it’s a bad thing. Alien means something not from earth, if a human was to be born on altea or daibazzal, it’d be considered an alien despite probably being a hundred percent human. If your view and comfort zone is restricted to aliens that look like an altean and nothing else then you needn’t not message me. I’m not going to make you rp with me if this is a dealbreaker so if you don’t heed this warning then you do not be rude after pulling a shocked pikachu. Be mature about it if you realise it’s a deal breaker rather than just blocking or suddenly deciding you no longer want to talk to me and that you’ll just ignore me till I unfriend you.

DO NOT COME TO ME SAYING OR ASKING YOU WANNA DO A SHEITH RP/ DO YOU RP AS THESE CANON CHARACTERS! I cannot stress this enough. I don’t know how I can make it any clearer that I do not do canon character mains nor do I do rp’s solely for the purpose of shipping said rp characters. As I’ve said before, if you wanna play a canon character go ahead but I will not rp a canon character as anything other than a side. My oc’s are my mains.

You and your characters must be 18+. I’m in my twenties and will not rp with a minor, especially since I have mature and adult themes in my rp’s that I do not want to get into trouble for Rping them with someone whose underaged. Underaged characters are just……..a big no for the sole fact that my characters are adults and that i do not feel uncomfortable playing against underaged characters.

You must be able to give me one or more responses a day. If it’s been two weeks since the last response and you’ve mysteriously disappeared then I’m not going to stick around for the day you decide to answer me. I do not like having my time wasted for any reason. My time zone is the eastern Australian time zone but I’m available and awake at odd hours so time zones aren’t too big of an issue for me. Remember that I’m looking for a long term partner, someone to carry an rp with for more than just a few days or a week and someone to write multiple stories with.

I have tonnes of ideas and head cannons for the rp but I’m open to brainstorming and ideas. We can mix and match ideas till we get something we both like. I want this to be a shared job, don’t expect me to be the one to carry everything just cause I’m the one supplying the idea. Down below I’ve decided to list a couple of ideas that I have:

New school defenders:

the paladins of voltron have been defending the universe for years. Many stories of their countless victories, battles and struggles are something that every parent who was alive during the war told their children. Once the main three were taken out (haggar, lotor and zarkon) the paladins settled down to teaching the garrisons new generation of cadets. The new change in curriculum was welcome for many as well as a new change in ship style. To make sure that peace could be maintained in every quadrant of every galaxy the paladins of voltron has trained the cadets to fly animal styled space ships like the lions. The animal ship a pilot was assigned depended on their personality, strengths, weaknesses, how well they worked in a team and their style of fighting and piloting skills. The importance of team bonding was something the paladins basically preached. When news of the return of an old foe forces the paladins to return to their jobs as voltrons warriors and they suddenly disappear many write them off as dead or perhaps in distress. None of the superiors are interested to find out….. so who will?

Lotor’s reign:

It was unbelievable. It couldn’t be true. It had to not be true. Voltron taken down by lotor, son of the mighty emperor zarkon himself, and the paladins were now working for him without question as his top generals?! When the news had first hit many people had panicked whilst countless others had been slain for daring to believe and protest that it was all just some lie made up by the half galran prince who was now an emperor like his father before him. Princess Allura herself was locked away in an unknown location after refusing the cruel man’s hand in marriage so she is no help for what is now a lost hope. Lotor’s reign had well and truly begun all those years ago and it was holding steady. People had forgotten long ago that even in complete and utter darkness….one can always find a speck of light that burns bright no anger how small.

Mirror mirror:

For many years people believed the galra were a race of cruel, vicious, animalistic thinking beings whose only goal was to destroy and conquer words. No one would’ve ever believed that it was the peacekeeping alteans that had been working to plot the galaxy’s downfall. Voltron, belonged to the galrans, they’d been the ones who’d built it after all despite letting alfor pilot voltron’s right arm. When the king had been turned down on his idea to share the mighty robotic war machine he simply built his own. Five dragons that formed dracotron were what the alteans used as their voltron and weapon to conquer the galaxies. Emperor zarkon, under the advice of Haggar the witch, was one of the few world leaders who managed to get his people to safety. Ever since watching the great kingdoms that he’d known for almost ten thousand years fall under the alteans greed and obsession for power over peace, he prayed for miracle in whatever form he could get it in. When two young stragglers end up stranded on the galra’s second home world, the cards of fate are laid according to haggar, much to everyone else’s confusion. What could two lost souls possibly do to bring back what was lost to the alteans?

Gamora’s guns:

The guns of Gamora was a rebel group with the goal of foiling any plans of the altean empress allura. Led by the brave commander Sven and his somewhat neurotic sidekick Slav, the gun’s were spread far across the galaxy in little pockets of altean dominated space to keep tabs on the empires schemes and try their best to counteract them. The new recruits were aliens and humans from far and wide working together hand in hand to try and prevent a reign of terror from truly taking over. When plans for creating a super weapon fall on the ears of a trusted source, the newest batch of recruits are sent to locate, find and bring back the blueprints. Of course, such things are easier said than done.

The chosen:

Keith.lance.hunk.shiro (or Sven, depends on whether you want this to follow a legendary defender type story arc or one of the older series). Allura. Pidge. These were names that belonged to the universe’s greatest heroes. Legends beyond all compare. They were champions of the universe and paladins of the mightiest robotic warrior to have ever been built: voltron. The great robot and the lions that formed it were well over ten thousand years old…..sadly for the paladins, they knew that they wouldn’t live to or beyond the great age their lions and oldest enemies had. The galaxy garrison had worked extra hard on ensuring that the next generation of pilots would be suitable candidates for the possibility of becoming voltron’s future paladins. Each paladin chose a student whom they felt like would be the most suitable to take their place and trained them with the knowledge that they were not the ones who had the final decision as to who flew who…..or even if they’d fly at all. What happens when one student fails and is rejected by not one but all the lions? What becomes of them and what is their place on team voltron? What happens to the rest of the team? Only time will tell, according to coran, such a thing has never happened before……but what happens if it does?

Before we reach the end of the post, here are some important reminders:

1: NO REACHING OUT TO ME ASKING FOR A CANON CHARACTER SHIPPING RP! I DO NOT DOUBLE SO DO NOT ASK!

2: DONT MESSAGE ME IF YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NOT VERY HUMANOID ALIENS!

3: NO GARY STU’S OR MARY SUES! GIVE YOUR CHARACTERS A PERSONALITY THAT ISN’T JUST ONE EMOTION OR TRAIT ONLY!

For those who’ve read this thoroughly thank you and congratulations! If you’re at all interested please send me a message and add me on my discord, telegram, email or hangouts (contact info below).

My discord: tiberionsunsconqourer#6187

My telegram: Tiberionwars

My email/hangouts: lleo52560@gmail.com

Hope to write some awesome stories!

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Everyone needs to have Maja Kristina on their radar immediately. She is an incredible artist that is straight out of our pop dreams. Her whole self-titled EP is absolute perfection. Maja has released the song ‘Jessica’ off her EP as a single, and she couldn’t have made a better pick. ‘Jessica’ is a new take on a breakup song that we hope to see much more of. It’s written with the mindset that the person that cheated is at fault, not the person they cheated with. That is the mindset everyone needs to have! Maja sings, “Cause she seems really nice, and I think in the end, Me and Jessica could be friends.” We love to see women lifting up other women, instead of adding to the teardown. It’s a breath of fresh air. Normalize shaming cheaters, but not other manipulated women. [via The Honey Pop]

Lucia & The Best Boys have shared a new video for ‘Forever Forget’. It’s a cut from the band’s recent EP The State Of Things, it arrives alongside the news that their upcoming support tour with Dream Wife has moved back to 2022. Speaking about the video, director Rianne White says: “'Forever Forget' is a landscape of a feeling. Lucia and I wanted to create a piece of choreography that exists in a solo otherworldly space shaken up by an unsettling sensation of feeling trapped. Guarded by multiple camera perspectives, this movement sequence is shattered like a mirror into pieces and dominated by a blinding sensation of overwhelm, refracting the internal electricity of the brain into view. This video is a portrait of inner turbulence, liberated by Lucia’s untamed and magnetic expression of self. Frontwoman Lucia Fairfull adds: “The 'Forever Forget' video concept has kept completely true to the meaning of the song, 'Baby you've taken me to higher places. It hurts if it's just in my head', is the first lyrics of the chorus. The video portrays this with an other-worldly head trapped space, along with the choreography expressing a state of wanting to escape your own mind and thoughts. The lyrics throughout speak directly about wishing you still had what you once did, but having to face the reality that it is no more, and then trying to erase the memories from your head and move on. Making videos has always been one of my favourite parts about being an artist and over the last year I’ve really detached myself from the idea that I need to be perceived in a certain way and have enjoyed being more adventurous with Visuals. I have imagery almost as soon as I’ve written a song so bringing it to life, and creating different characters to go with them is something I really feel helps to get across what I'm saying. I couldn't have brought these ideas to life ('Perfectly Untrue' & 'Forever Forget') without Rianne and Furmaan, and can’t wait to make more with them.” [via Dork]

Foxes has returned with news of her forthcoming EP Friends In The Corner, alongside sharing new cut 'Kathleen' to accompany the announcement. 'Kathleen' is Foxes' first release of 2021, and follows December's 'Hollywood', which will appear on her upcoming EP alongside last year's 'Friends In The Corner', 'Love Not Loving You' and 'Woman' singles. The new track is produced by Courage (Stormzy, MNEK, Ray BLK) and Charlie Hugall (Halsey, Florence and the Machine), and is an ode to her grandmother Kathleen. Foxes, real name Louisa Rose Allen, says of the single, "My grandma, Kathleen, has always given really good advice so on one visit I thought, ‘why am I not recording this?’. A couple of weeks later in the studio I happened to be going through my voice notes of random melodies and lyrics I’d saved and stumbled across her words of wisdom and within 20 minutes we’d written it with all her advice from the notes. I kept that exact recording of her talking at the end of the song. I don't think I’d be a songwriter without her." She adds, "For me, 'Kathleen' closes the chapter of the last year. Focussing on creativity during lockdown has been essential for me – it’s given me so much strength and positivity. Almost without realising, I ended up writing a whole new album. The new songs have a really different energy and need to exist together as a record. But first I need to release 'Kathleen' as it’s such a special song for me and just seems so right for now. It felt right to wrap these songs up together as an EP before the new album gets released later this year." [via Line Of Best Fit]

The Sydney-based three-piece Middle Kids release the cinematic title track and video from their hotly anticipated second album, Today We’re The Greatest, out now via Lucky Number One. 'Today We’re The Greatest' features a heartachingly beautiful performance from lead singer Hannah Joy and showcases the juxtaposition of her compelling songwriting. The grandiose and romantic notion of the song’s title is offset by the repeated refrain “life is gory and boring sometimes” which both closes the song and also the album – reveling equally in the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. About the song, Hannah explains: “This is a simple song of people being TINY and our lives being FLEETING but in that we are EPIC and GREAT. It’s finding the beauty and majesty of the every day. Therein lies life and meaning. LIFE IS GORY AND BORING SOMETIMES: it’s both hectic and mundane and we have to accept both.” 'Today We’re The Greatest' is accompanied by a stunning music video directed by W.A.M. Bleakley and filmed on the Kiama costal path in Australia.

Pacific Northwest native pop singer ALITA has released her new music video 'I’m Not Your Mother'. The video is a 50's inspired homage to empowerment and subverting antiquated gender roles. It was co-produced by ALITA & Zach Nicita (VERITE, Anne Marie, MS MR), and co-written by ALITA & Grammy-award-winning songwriter Jesse Saint John (Lizzo - Truth Hurts). “I wanted to create a visual world that put the song into a little more context," exlplains ALITA. "The song has a lot of classic & almost retro influences, from the old movie voices of women to the genre-blending pop, r&b, soul production. I wrote, ‘I’m Not Your Mother’ as a reflection on my own relationships, but I also know how shared of an experience this is for so many women. I see it every day in my friends' relationships, in my own family dynamics, in media. It’s constant. So we pulled in moments from old movies & tried to sprinkle in some history into the song as well. For the video, I wanted to honor the sonic storytelling with an exploration of the modern and classic roles women play. I wanted it to be a little weird & left of center, so there’s a lot of strange Easter eggs throughout the video. We’ve evolved as a species over the years, thank God, but instead of women being expected to be a homemaker, for example, there’s still this expectation for women to take care of and take responsibility for the men in our lives. It just may look a little different than it did 50 years ago. The application has changed, but the subtleties and impact remain. My goal was to tip my hat to that in the video, and just make something that looked nice.”

Glüme's Instagram bio reads "Walmart Marilyn," offering a succint intro to the LA-based artist's DIY approach to old school Hollywood glamor. She recently signed to Italians Do It Better, making her label mates with Chromatics and Glass Candy with whom she shares a penchant for bittersweet and melodic synth-pop, the perfect backdrop for a struggling ingénue. This week she debuts 'What Is A Feeling,' taken from her forthcoming debut album The Internet, due next month. 'What Is A Feeling' was written after Glüme, who has the rare heart condition Prinzmetal angina, was informed that her emotional health was starting to affect her physical condition. Over a chugging bassline and drum claps she questions the very make-up of her existence, asking questions including "What makes me work?" and "What makes me hurt?" Not even a doctor's orders can keep her away from temptation though, with the chaos of conflicting feelings tied up tight in the song's restrictive confines. “I had a doctor once tell me my feelings were doing my heart more harm than good," Glüme says via email. "I left wanting to completely disassemble my emotions and throw them in the trash. I studied emotions from physical and philosophical perspectives to see if I could outsmart them. But feeling less wasn't an option.” The Internet is out on April 30 via Italians Do It Better. [via The FADER]

Singer, songwriter, and producer ZAND is known for their uniquely brash brand of self-described ugly pop, and the iconic look that accompanies it is almost as distinctive. New single 'Bald Bitch' is ZAND’s most compelling earworm yet, its crunchy synthesised bassline driving beneath Blackpool accented pseudo-rap and the buzz of an electric razor. It’s the fourth and final cut to be lifted from last year’s Ugly Pop EP. ZAND isn’t afraid of controversial subject matter, with previous singles tackling topics such as misogyny and the stigma of sex work. 'Bald Bitch' is no exception to this trend, with ZAND squaring up to and superficial detractor chosing to comment on their appearance. 'Bald Bitch' is the next installment in the story of an artist who refuses to cow to convention. [via Line Of Best Fit]

Korean-American musician Jessi says she hopes her new song ‘What Type of X’ will inspire listeners to be “more confident”. The singer-rapper noted that “the most crucial thing” for her is self-love and how important it was for ‘What Type Of X’ to reflect that. “I am a woman of strong mentality and for me, loving myself is the most crucial thing. If you do not love yourself, nobody will do so. On top of that, you have to be surrounded by people who give off positive vibes,” she said. “Through the song, I want to tell people to be more confident and hope they remember that being different is not wrong.” Jessi co-wrote ‘What Type of X’ with Psy, who is the head of her agency P Nation. Psy. She shared that the lyrics were originally written in English before Psy helped to translate them, adding that the duo “did not argue as much as we did in the past while working together”. The singer also noted that, compared to her previous releases, she did not have as much time to prepare for this comeback. Calling herself a “perfectionist”, Jessi added that she feels like she is not fully ready to perform the song on stage yet, although she says she’s “quite content with the single’s quality”. [via NME]

Newcastle-based trio Cat Ryan have shared the official video for their latest indie-pop stunner ‘Mary Shelley Song’. The band has this to say on the clip: “Our film student friends, Briana and Gabi offered to film a music video for us and it was the first opportunity we’d had to film a professional kind of video. The first thought I had was to have a film noir style video. I think Lucas came up with a loose storyline and the idea to have it in reverse. We all quite liked the idea of a murder plot and with some tweaking of the narrative and, with the help of Briana and Gabi, the ideas came to life.”

[icharchivist]

Do you agree with most of the fandom referring to Kurapika as the 'mom friend'?

Heyo!

Huuh not really? I don’t really agree?

Not gonna lie, I fell in that trap too when I watched the anime for the first time, in the very early of the anime when I wasn’t.. analysing the characters yet. But I think it may overlook his full character on the long term? 

(Also once I saw someone say “Kurapika is the dad friend because he’s never there and when he is he’s the one to kill the spider” and that seem fair.)

Kurapika is a caring character yes, and I can understand the fun to make him a sort of parental figure, and I can understand that with jokes. Still though, he’s a late teen/young adult who is having a lot of issues and can barely deal with his own, let alone anyone else’s. I’ve seen cases of people complaining about Kurapika not answering the phone because “he’s the mom friend he should care” which is a little troubling in that case, because the kids aren’t his responsability and he has to deal with his own issues to start with.

I can understand it if you refer to the mom friend as “someone who’s caring and trying to keep the friends from unnecessary trouble”, because in some cases Kurapika does, even if his isolations and all still play a huge part in... why this interpretation doesn’t fully work. But “mom friend” is such a broad term and everyone will have their own interpretation of “what a mom friend is”, which results with a lot of different expectations on Kurapika. I mostly bit my tongue over it when It twists the fandom’s interpretations of some Kurapika’s moments, especially on his absence.

There’s also how people really refer to the Mom/Dad friend thing especially with a ship, because sometimes it gives a bit of a heteronormative feeling of “this guy will play the mom, this guy will play the dad” - regardless of the fact the “mom” would be more into the definition of the “dad” and so on. And there’s that a lot in the Kurapika/Leorio fan dynamic that in some cases, it can be hard to overlook? (especially since in that case it can be argued in the later arcs Kurapika is more of a “Dad friend” and Leorio more a “Mom Friend”) (Also it makes their dynamic being just an extention for Killua and Gon and here it’s maybe just my pettiness, but their characters aren’t all about the kids... so I don’t think defining them around their “roles” for the kids is fair. And don’t get me wrong, I love their dynamics with the kids, but it doesn’t mean they’re like parents for them, and it’s a bit unfair to ask them to be.).

Honestly I think it depends on what context you use this expression (if it’s just in a funny context, or talking about a specific moment that gives you this vibes, or if you really apply it to his full character even to the point of misreading the moments he doesn’t fit the trope) and what people usually mean about that (do they mean a caring friend? or do they mean “the friend who’s overcaring and would pick a fight for you”? or “the soccer mom”? Or just a way to refer to them as parents and he’s the most effeminate one so you give him the mom friend label? Or do they say it just because the whole fandom refers him this way, and they roll with it without second thought?)

Overrall, I feel like this expression doesn’t fit any canon context and it may be a little too much pressure to put on him? 

But on the other, it depends so much on why the individual fan would refer to him this way.

Me, personally, I kinda dropped those jokes, because I don’t even know myself how much of it is genuinely because it’s fitting my definitions, or if I may just be forcing stuff on them because of outside influence, and I prefer to take up the facts of the story rather than trying to word it in a clumsy, restricting way. 

For me, the “Mom Friend” is the caring one who’s listening to your trouble and trying to keep you safe, while the “Dad friend” is a little more distant, still caring but doesn’t handle every emotional stuff so well - and in that definitions, I did consider Kurapika a Mom friend and Leorio a Dad friend in the first arc, but to me it also completely switched as the arcs went by, to the point of feeling Kurapika more as a Dad friend and Leorio as a Mom friend. 

They don’t even completely fit that dicotomy for me, so I don’t even want to keep joking about it because, they’re not static characters, they evolves, and refering to them as one way or the other is a bit unfair to their full characters imo. Especially in their cases where opening to people, or closing off to them, are keys to their characters developments, so they can’t be given this much pressure. Also how tf should I refer to them since to me it depends of the timeline? 

And even there, it doesn’t completely fit them nor their dynamics. It’s such a clumsy way to summarize their characters and it doesn’t do them any service at all.

At the end of day, Kurapika (and Leorio since he’s also a “parent friend” for many) are still late teens/young adults who are trying to figure themselves out and they’re trying to help out and care for their friends, as much as they’re mentally able to in their own situations. I’m as fan as anyone about the Found Family troupe, but it is already strong as them just teaming up together without taking up “family roles”.

So I’m personally not very found of those, and I usually don’t know what people mean when they say that. I also feel like sometimes people don’t really say those as jokes and mean it seriously for their characters, and it makes them such a disservice, because neither of them are defined by their relationship with the kids, and they shouldn’t be. 

So I kinda have contradicting feelings all over the place I guess? I usually can take a joke quickly made, but i’m warry of how much it influences the fandom’s viewing of those characters.

jkhdjfd so y e that’s more or less my view on it.

Take care!

[acsversace-news]

There’s a moment early on in The Assassination Of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story that, perhaps more than any other, sticks with you long after the image fades. Andrew Cunanan (a remarkable, terrifying Darren Criss), who we’ve already seen kill Gianni Versace, stands in the bathroom of a rundown motel room that he occasionally shares with his friend and potential partner Ronnie Holston (Max Greenfield). He stares at his reflection in the mirror. His face doesn’t move. He betrays no sign of any emotion. Then, he picks up a roll of duct tape, peels the tape back, and begins wrapping it around his head. The motion continues, the signature sound of the strong adhesive an eerie soundtrack to the nonsensical actions. Before long he’s covered his face and head, with just enough room to breathe.

It’s a quietly chilling scene made all the more tense when Andrew plays it off like nothing to Ronnie, but it’s also an insight into one of the show’s more intriguing thematic explorations: the violence of capitalism and its effect on our identity. In the early episodes especially, the show seems to revel in the lavishness of its setting while contrasting that sense of fullness with Andrew’s persistent change in identity. The very first scene of the premiere sees the camera moving from the expanse of the ocean to the expanse of Gianni Versace’s mansion, both settings turbulent, overwhelming, and unpredictable in their own ways. Ryan Murphy directs the opening sequence in a way that immediately situates us in this world of opulence. We take in the clouds painted on the bedroom ceiling, a verisimilitude of the outdoors, and the first of many images that look to replicate an authentic experience.

Through the halls of the mansion we go, our eyes unable to keep up with everything in our path: chandeliers, priceless art, silk pajamas, and balconies with an ocean view. This is the life we are meant to envy, the American Dream come true. Murphy, for the most part, films the scene with a bird’s-eye view, as if we’re outsiders that long to be given access to these gilded halls. Immediately the show is drawing a visual connection between violence and materialism. The episode cuts from Andrew angrily screaming in the tempestuous ocean to Gianni, surrounded by servants, enjoying a lavish breakfast inside the sunlit concourse of his home. More viscerally, there’s the image of Andrew pulling The Man Who Was Vogue, a book about the rise of Condé Nast and his influence on cultural gatekeeping and style, out of his backpack, followed immediately by a gun. Violence follows materialism is the suggestion, one that pops up again and again throughout the season.

It’d be slightly preposterous to argue that The Assassination Of Gianni Versace is some sort of remarkable Marxist critique of capitalism and material wealth, but as the episodes unfold it’s hard to ignore that the show is teasing out an intriguing connection between Andrew Cunanan’s ability to shift his personality at will and our own willingness to adopt certain roles in a very public way, spurred on by a culture obsessed with social media and its consumerist tendencies. Coursing through the show is a critique of our consumerist culture; despite being set the in the late ’90s out of necessity to the true crime, this is a show that’s very much aware of the plague of tastemaking and performative consumption and sharing that defines so much of our lives today. But what’s more scathing is how the show uses Andrew Cunanan as a stand-in for the anxiety and personal oppression that comes with such a culture. His need to be anything and everything to the people around him is not just a sign of his psychopathic tendencies, but a result of the pressures of a capitalist system that continually tells us we’re not doing good enough, that who we are is a failure, and that buying more things is the only way to establish a true, stable, respected identity.

Cunanan—it’s important to note that throughout this piece any mention or analysis of Andrew Cunanan is referring to the character within this show, and not the real man he’s based on—is an enigma similar to Patrick Bateman, a character from a more problematic work that, nonetheless, still draws a connection between Bateman’s bloody outbursts and his need to conform to an ever-shifting set of ideals about what it means to be respected, glorified, and envied. There’s a reason the business-card scene in Mary Harron’s 2000 adaptation of American Psycho stands out so vividly within the film; because it provides terrifying insight into Patrick’s mind-set that the violent acts simply don’t. We need that context of Patrick’s insecurity to understand the violence.

Assassination wants us to understand Andrew in a similar way. He’s a man with no single identity—Andrew’s sexuality is a major component of his complex identity within the show, and Paste’s Matt Brennan wrote a stirring piece about it—but rather a collection of signifiers meant to convey worldliness, taste, and stature. When he first meets Gianni in a club, he regales him with stories about his lavish lifestyle and impeccable taste. Only later do we, and Gianni, realize that it’s all a fabrication, an attempt to convey a certain social standing that he’s been unable to achieve.

This is the anxiety and alienation that capitalism thrives on. It’s a system that creates and then benefits from identity crisis. Alienation is a term in Marxist theory with many different meanings that, when taken together, give us a broader understanding of a feeling that’s often difficult to define. As David Harvey lays out in Seventeen Contradictions And The End Of Capitalism, one such definition is alienation as a “passive psychological term” that means to “become isolated and estranged from some valued connectivity.” The result of that alienation is “to be angry and hostile at feeling oppressed, deprived or dispossessed and to act out that anger and hostility, lashing out sometimes without any clear definitive reason or rational target.” Andrew cannot fill that void inside of him, the one created by a system that tells you that you alone aren’t good enough. When a man in a dance club asks Andrew what he does, he responds thusly: “I’m a serial killer, I’m a banker, I’m a stockbroker, a paperback writer, I’m a cop, I’m a naval officer,” and more, listing off one profession after another. He’s everything and nothing all at once, driving home the idea that under capitalism there is no true identity, only a series of labels that oppress us.

The question is, then, are we all as psychopathic as Andrew Cunanan? Certainly most of us aren’t murderers, but Assassination does seem to suggest that Andrew’s troubling need to be everything all at once is not too far removed from our own need to belong, a feeling amplified in our current culture of constant sharing and liking. We curate our lives, and more importantly our social media timelines, in much the same way Andrew curates his behavior and personality. Andrew literally puts on a costume, another man’s suit and his expensive watch, to attend the opera. He can’t imagine doing anything else. He tells outlandish stories about fictional past boyfriends; one in particular would drive him around in his Rolls-Royce and also snagged Andrew a job building sets for Titanic. These are small violences, little bits of untruth that erode the social fabric and Andrew’s own understanding of himself. Are we doing the same? Are we allowing Instagram influencers, native advertising, and increasingly “hip and socially aware” brands to make us feel like shit just so we’ll buy the thing they’re shilling that supposedly won’t make us feel that way?

Assassination, in at least some way, wants us to ask those questions. It’s not the larger thematic thrust of the season, but it is an intriguing and unavoidable presence. The series asks us to question our own search for identity through material means by showing not only how Andrew is affected by alienation, but also how those around him struggle within a capitalist system. The Miglins are the best example. They are the epitome of the American Dream under capitalism. At a fundraiser gala, Lee gives a speech that evokes the classic “bootstraps” story of his success, and his wife has no trouble building a line of perfume to sell on TV. Everything is picture perfect.

That is, until you dig deeper. At home, Marilyn Miglin (Judith Light in a devastating performance) takes off her makeup, a maudlin look on her face. The mask necessitated by the public gala has been removed, and her sorrow is now visible. Similarly, Lee Miglin can’t be his true self, a gay man in a world that would financially and socially punish him for his sexuality. He wishes he could just “roam among them,” a beautiful statement about wanting to live free of restriction and punishment for who he is. But capitalism has a set of rules and an oppressive structure that must be abided by, and anything outside of that is pushed aside. So, this isn’t just about Andrew, but rather all of us, and the way we’re forced to imitate ways of life rather than living the way we truly want to.

I wish there were a hopeful message to end on, something in the show that points the way forward to a place where we can know one another’s intentions and understand our own, free from the forces of capitalism. But if anything, the world portrayed in The Assassination Of Gianni Versace, in all its gold-plated, vacuum-sealed glory, has only gotten worse. We’ve become more convinced that we can buy something in order to be something. We’ve become chameleons of emotion, projecting our grief, joy, and anxiety to our followers without any check on our authenticity. Like Andrew, we can wear any mask we want.

As chilling as the duct-tape scene is, the most telling moment when it comes to the performative nature of Andrew Cunanan, and thus ourselves, is when Andrew sees the news’ first piece about the killing of Gianni Versace. His face is blank for a moment before he’s overcome with grief. He looks on the verge of weeping, all before the hint of a smile creeps in and the episode cuts to commercial. An imitation of emotion, literally mimicking the public grief of the woman in front of him, as convincing as the real thing. It’s a moment with implications that the show explores throughout the season, which is that Andrew, and everyone else, is a product of a system that grinds us down, asks us to perform emotions and wants, and then shames us for failure. “It was all a lie, an act,” says David, one of Andrew’s victims, moments before he gets a bullet in the back. The violence of capitalism breeds an identity crisis, and a subsequent emptiness and isolation, that can lead to physical violence. We’re all at risk, refusing to challenge the rules and upend the system. We have more in common with Andrew Cunanan than any of us would like to admit.