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gojo satoru x reader | fake marriage au [18+]
in holy matriphony ch6. the in-laws
ᰔ pairing. fake marriage au - neighbor&realtor!gojo x nurse!reader (ft. choso x reader & suguru x reader)
ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is your extremely annoying next-door-neighbor who you're pretty sure is the most insufferable man you've ever met. given the fact that you exclusively work the night shift at a chaotic emergency dept, just got broken up with your boyfriend of seven years, and have been taking care of your sick mother ever since her multitude of diagnoses, yet somehow your neighbor is the main source of stress in your life should speak volumes. but when your mother's medical bills start to skyrocket to more than you can manage, and you learn that said neighbor of yours has the best private health insurance plan in the country, you ask him to enter a matrimonial agreement with you for the spousal benefits all in the name of saving a few hundred thousand dollars. but you'll have to see if suffering cohabitation w him is worth any amount of money.
ᰔ genre/tags. fluff, smut, angst, enemies to lovers (sort of), annoyances to lovers (that's more like it), small town romance, fake marriage, next door neighbors, lots of bickering, suburban shenanigans, slow burn, mutual pining, gojo likes to play house but you don't, hatred for the american healthcare system, gojo always forgets to mow the lawn, jealousy, an insane amount of profanity, mentions of cigarettes, depression/anxiety; btw gojo in this fic is in his mid 30s n reader is in her late 20s
ᰔ warnings. reader in this fic has a sick mother w alzheimer's & cancer so there is secondary medical angst!!
ᰔ chapter. 6/x
ᰔ words. 12.6k
a/n. hiii my ihm lovelies!! hope you all had a great holiday season. i wanted to get this chapter out as a christmas gift but i failed and then i wanted to get it out as a new years post but failed and then i got food poisoning yesterday and while i was rotting in bed i ended up finishing the chapter LOL. it seems i can only write when i'm under duress? but anywho. hope you enjoy haha and see you at the bottom!
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“Alright, let’s head out,” you hear Gojo say from the bottom of the staircase, followed by the sound of dress shoes on the hardwood floor, and you glance over to see him clad in a navy suit with a white button up shirt that had one singular button undone. He’s messing with the cuffs of his suit jacket as he makes his way over to you. You catch the scent of his cologne, and it’s alarming how familiar it’s become to you.
Days go by shorter lately, mainly because it’s winter, and so the sun has almost fully set by 6pm. The sky outside is a dark hue of purple, seen past the windows of Gojo’s house, and the warm, dim lighting inside makes you feel strangely nostalgic. Like in a way that feels like home.
You tirelessly tousle with your hair at the mirror hanging above the foyer table that was snug up against the wall at the front entrance. Your hair wasn’t cooperating. You attempted to curl it, for the first time in forever given you can’t remember the last time you had enough time to do your hair, so you were out of practice. It was obvious, given the way some strands were curled outwards from your face, some inwards, some straighter than others, some curlier than others, and you were about to have a full blown mental breakdown before you remember your grounding exercises– 1, 2, 3, 4.
You turn to face Gojo, who you saw in the mirror was standing behind you and watching you with amusement, and you breathe in deep. “How do I look?” you ask, petting down the fabric of your dress as you face him. The thought occurs to you–why do you give so much of a fuck how you look right now? It’s just Gojo’s family. It’s not like they’re actually your in-laws. And from what Gojo’s mother had told you, it was just an intimate little get-together with Sana’s family. It’s really not a big deal. Yet the necessity to impress still consumes you.
Gojo threads his hands into the pockets of his pants and tilts his head to assess your appearance, and you watch his gaze trace the frame of you. “Nice,” he says, “you look nice.”
“That’s it? Just nice?”
“Well, I tried to call you hot earlier, but it got me yelled at.”
You roll your eyes and grab your purse off the foyer table, “okay, whatever, I’ll take it.” And then you head towards the front door. You hear the jingle of car keys from behind you as they’re shoved into a pocket.
The outside air is chilly in a way that’s almost sobering. Gojo opens the door for you to get inside his car and the warmth of your peach cobbler in your lap comforts some of the nerves you felt. By the time Gojo clicks his seatbelt into place in the driver seat, you realize you’ve never been in his car before, or driven anywhere by him before.
The interior smells of pine and something more familiar too, with sleek leather seats that are so comfortable they make you feel like you’re floating. You know it’s a Benz, you’re just not sure what year or model, and you’d usually ask most people out of a friendly curiosity, but for some reason your pride always got the best of you when it came to him.
“I seriously can’t wait to eat that thing you made,” Gojo comments after he’s backed out of the driveway, “it looks really nice.”
“Do you have a sweet tooth?” you ask him, glancing over at him, and you try not to stare at the strong one-handed grip he has on the steering wheel as he corrects it.
“Oh yeah,” he answers, “big time.”
“You don’t seem like it,” you mindlessly say, turning your head to glance out into the dim street, passing by houses that idly sit in this neighborhood.
“Why’s that?” he asks.
“You seem to maintain a steady weight,” you politely comment.
You can hear the smile in his voice. “Is that the closest I’ll ever get to a compliment from you?”
You roll your eyes. “It’s just science. Hard to maintain a build if you eat a lot of sugar.”
He turns onto the mainroad, and you keep your gaze plastered to the outside. “I seem to manage.”
“It’s because you're tall. Tall people get to eat whatever they want.”
You see him nod his head once in your periphery, and you take it as some form of dismissal. “Sure.”
It doesn’t take terribly long to get to Gojo’s parents’ house, just a thirty-five minute drive without traffic. He kept surprisingly silent throughout most of it, and the few moments you did glance at his face, you could even say he looked like he was deep in thought. With a creased brow, a grip on the steering wheel that sometimes faltered, sometimes strengthened, but rarely fully eased. It was all so different from his usual impulse to talk. You know that you often wish for Gojo to shut the fuck up sometimes, but the silence seemed unsettling today.
His parents’ house is large, maybe twice the size of the homes in your neighborhood, but it’s tucked away in a slightly remote area, where the next closest house is about a quarter of a mile down the road. The driveway is long and runs downhill, so you stumble a little on the high heel of your shoe when you step down onto the pebbled pavement, but Gojo holds your elbow so you don’t fall onto your face. And also so you don’t drop the peach cobbler he so desperately wants to try. You’re not sure which of the two was the bigger priority for him.
As you two walk up the driveway towards the front entrance, you hear him sigh behind you. “Just so you know, my mom doesn’t really have any sense of boundaries.”
“Ah,” you comment, “nice to know where you get it from.”
He gives you an irritated look, seen in the corner of your eye, and it’s hard to fight the small amused smile that makes its way onto your face.
He sighs again as you two make it to the top of the steps. “Seriously, though. Chances of you wanting to leave me after this dinner are high.”
“Why? You’ve got a hot older brother I don’t know about or something?”
“I am the hot older brother,” he tells you.
You resist the urge to roll your eyes, and then face him fully. “You’re not the first guy that’s warned me about his parents, okay? I’ll handle my own. What good is life if your in-laws–er, fake in-laws–aren’t at least a little strange?”
He lifts his finger to the doorbell, and just before pressing it, he says, “alright, then.”
It only takes twelve seconds for the door to swing open, the aroma of fresh herbs and something more sultry like vetiver arouse your senses, along with a warmth beckoning you from the inside of the home.
Gojo’s mother stands at the doorway, surrounded by a halo of warm lighting, and her face instantly morphs into one of delightful glee.
“Oh! My dear, you’ve made it!” she exclaims happily, and just when you think she’s about to pull Gojo in for a hug, she pulls you in for one first instead, which startles you. “How lovely!”
“Oh—” you stutter, stumbling slightly as your nose becomes buried in the fluff of her silk pressed hair, but the delicate fragrance of lilac is somehow comforting.
She pulls you away to hold you by your shoulders. “You poor thing, you’re shivering! Come inside.” She hastily ushers you inside and you can feel the heat from Gojo’s body as he follows closely on your tail.
When his mother closes the door behind you, you find yourself surrounded by the kind of warmth only a house could provide.
You take a small look around the foyer, noticing that it’s large with tones of deep wood and a bright white and golden chandelier that hangs daintily above in the cavity of the high ceilings. Leather, wood, velvet, silk, these are the textures that you see as you look around. It’s an old-fashioned taste, with a polished grand piano off to the right in the hall and display cases of vintage dolls and porcelain plates. So very different from modern, but it’s comforting. Like a wave of nostalgia, but from something you’ve never experienced before.
“What’s this?” Mrs. Gojo asks with curiosity lilting her voice as she walks up to you and points at the casserole dish you were holding.
“Oh, it’s peach cobbler,” you say, holding it up slightly with a small smile adorning your face, “for dessert.”
“How sweet! You’re an angel,” she coos, then twists her torso towards the kitchen, “honey! Come here, will you?”
Shuffling down the hallway from the heart of the house is, who you presume to be, Mr. Gojo. He’s tall, with his shoulders slightly curved forward as he approaches you all, and you note that he looks more aged than his missus.
“Ah, this must be my new daughter-in-law,” he says, his voice gruff and crackly from years of use. You smell the faintest hint of smoke from his clothing.
You glance at Gojo, who is watching you interact with his parents, an unreadable expression on his face as his hands remain shoved into the pocket of his suit pants.
Mr. Gojo takes the peach cobbler from you and gives you a curt smile before taking it back towards the kitchen.
“Darling, I must say, you have a lovely figure—” Gojo’s mother begins to say, reaching her hand out to hover it over the curve of your waist, but just at that moment, Gojo comes up to stand in between the two of you.
“Alright, what time’s dinner?” he asks.
Mrs. Gojo glances up at him, her face immediately twisting into a frown. “Nevermind that. I want to take y/n with me back to the kitchen to help braise the chicken,” she says, grabbing a hold of your wrist and tugging you towards her.
“Oh—” you stumble slightly.
“Nope,” you hear Gojo say from beside you, and suddenly there’s a strong arm wrapping around your waist as he pulls you back to his side, “she stays with me for the night.” You’d remember to blush at the feeling of being pressed flush up against him, but the shock overshadowed.
“Satoru!” Mrs. Gojo exclaims, rather loudly, and she lets out a hmph noise before placing her hands on her hips. “You’re no fun!”
“I’m not gonna let you indoctrinate her into whatever multi-level marketing scheme you’ve fallen victim to this month,” he says, his hold on your waist tightening.
“How petulant!” she says, trying to manage a stern look but Gojo doesn’t seem fazed by it, “quit acting like I’m going to corrupt her! I’m not some witch.”
“Your track record would prove otherwise,” he comments.
“Oh please, the only other time was when you brought—”
She suddenly stops speaking, her eyes going wide, and she glances at you. You cluelessly tilt your head at her.
Ah. The other woman. This mysterious ex-wife. Would you be the other woman in this case? Seeing as to how his entire family seems to walk on eggshells about the subject around you. And they all seem to think that any mention of her would devastate you, when really, you and Gojo aren’t even actually lovers.
But there’s a small part of you,
A teeny tiny part,
Revealed from the way your heart sank at the realization of who his mother was referring to,
That actually does feel some type of way about it.
You want to know who this woman was to him. Does he still think of her? Does he still love her? What happened between them? Was she the one that got away? And how does he feel about the fact that he’s now here with you?
You shake your head vigorously to get those thoughts out of your head.
It was like method acting. You stepped into the role of wife this evening, and now you feel the way that they expect you to feel at the mention of your husband’s ex-lover.
That must be the reason, right?
You slowly push yourself out of Gojo’s hold, and you try not to become hyper aware of his eyes on you as you smooth out the fabric of your dress, then you glance at his mother.
“I’d love to help you braise the chicken,” you say.
There’s a brief silence as you find your voice in this house, and then Mrs. Gojo flashes you a grin.
“Come with me, honey,” she says before wrapping a delicate hand around your wrist and pulling you towards the heart of the house.
There are pictures hung up on the walls as you brush past every hallway, along with peeling wallpaper that is peppered with florals and striped prints, sanded off from years of shoulders brushing against their surfaces in a way that creates an old, dated charm. You learn quickly that Gojo has always been pretty tall, judging from the photo of him standing with, whom you assume are his middle school friends, out on a boat, holding a bass the size of a small child.
There’s photos of the four of them together, like one professionally taken photo where Gojo and Sana are knelt in front of their parents, and your gaze fixates on the strong grip Mr. Gojo has on his son’s shoulder, digging deep in the bone, creasing the fabric, almost desperately. Gojo looks young in the photo, maybe a recent high school graduate, and his smile is bright but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
And, God, the trophies. The trophies that adorned the surfaces of aged cedar wood dressers, seemingly random in the order they are sprawled across the display yet you know there was intention behind it too. Ballet, soccer, tennis, spelling bee, FRC, even dragon boat racing.
“Feel free to take any of those home,” Mrs. Gojo says with a teasing tone, “you eventually get tired of staring at them.”
You wouldn’t know. Your mother never had much extra cash hanging around to take you to tennis lessons, or ballet lessons, or SAT prep, or whatever. You were lucky enough that you got into college with the cards you were dealt, but you sometimes wonder what your potential could’ve been if you had parents like Gojo did. Maybe the house you live in would be your own, and not something that your mother has spent the past forty years of her life trying to pay off. Maybe you’d have a freshly renovated kitchen and a pretty boat out on the street. But throwing a pity party for yourself right now wasn’t exactly going to get you through the evening.
Mrs. Gojo finally leads you into the kitchen, and the aroma of fresh herbs overwhelms your senses.
“Smells wonderful,” you comment.
“I know,” she cheekily comments, “will you turn the meat please?”
You grab a pair of tongs and attempt to sear the cuts that were sizzling on the stove.
“Sooooo,” she coos, wasting no time to playfully bump her hip to yours, “how is married life?”
“Nice,” you respond, your cheeks warming slightly, “it’s nice.”
“It won’t always be that way, you know,” she muses with some underlying sense of sincerity that isn’t lost on you.
When you remain quiet, concentrating on the searing sizzling noises coming from the pan, she decides to keep speaking.
“Eventually, you two will settle in a little too much…start to care less about your bodies…and then, oh gosh, when kids come into the picture, forget about having any time for yourselves,” she continues, “some days you’ll resent him, others you’ll feel like it’s the first time all over again.” She sighs. “Marriage is a funny thing—”
“Mrs. Gojo,” you interrupt her, turning to face her, “I—…I really appreciate you, I do, but, um, I’ve already learned a lot already about marriage from my own parents. Things are fine between Satoru and me.” You look into her widened eyes. “And…if something does happen down the line, and we choose not to be together anymore, then that’s okay too.”
After all, you had to prepare her.
“But that’s the thing!” she chirps, “your generation is too—…too impatient. Unwilling to work anything out! A marriage is supposed to be hard, but also it’s something you aren’t supposed to give up on so easily.”
It’s your turn to meet her with widened eyes in response to her preaching, and her posture immediately deflates before she holds you gently by your arm.
“I’m sorry, honey…I know it’s too early to be saying all these things to you,” she says, managing a small smile, “I always forget that I’m too old to be doting on my children like this anymore.”
Your expression softens and you wrap your palm over her bony knuckles, feeling the thinness of the skin that stretches over them. In a brief glimpse, you see your own mother in Mrs. Gojo’s eyes, something familiar, a universal expression of the love a parent has for their child.
“Well…” you say after clearing your throat, “for what it’s worth, you have nothing to worry about, Mrs. Gojo.” You try to manage a small smile. “I’m—…I’m really happy with your son.”
It was hard to lie to someone like this, especially from the way there’s relief that floods her irises, a genuine feeling that is so hard to come by in these days of false niceties. You often wonder how far a single white lie can stretch before it shatters against its own resistance.
“That’s a relief,” she says, managing her own prim smile, “I’m so glad.”
The two of you finish up in the kitchen, and when you circle around back into the hall, you see Sana standing in the warmly lit family room with Gojo and their dad.
Sana catches your eye, and you purse your lips together hesitantly before walking up to her.
“Hey,” you say softly and she returns the small smile you give her.
“Hi,” she says back to you.
“Um, where’s Juno?” you ask, looking around.
“Oh, she has a sleepover at her friend’s house tonight,” Sana says, “Jun’s dropping her off, and then he’ll come by here later.”
“Ah, I see,” you comment, itching at your elbow from the awkwardness.
“Well,” Mr. Gojo says, gesturing towards the dining room, “let’s eat, shall we?”
The three of you nod at him.
It’s fascinating to watch how the family falls naturally into their chairs, an assigned seating pattern that stays consistent among all dining halls and rooms and tables in the world, one that every family has. Mr. Gojo sits at the head of the table, his wife to his left, his son to his right. Sana sits quaintly to her mother’s left, and you sit across from her to Gojo’s left. The one empty seat is left for the presence of Jun.
“Food looks wonderful, darling,” Mr. Gojo says before leaning over to place a kiss on her bashful cheek.
Your heart does something weird at the sight. A simultaneous twinge paired with a warmer feeling that follows. You hardly witnessed any affection within your household growing up, not between your parents at least, probably because you were young when they got divorced and so the turmoils and tribulations started long before you had any higher order of cognitive discernment beyond the childish interest in Disney princesses and The Backyardigans. For you, the only memories that last of your parents’ marriage are those that feel like nothing more than the frigidity of a business arrangement. Ironically similar to the one you were currently in with Gojo. Except at least yours hadn’t been initially built on a foundation of love and a promise to be there for one another until death did you two apart.
Death was knocking on your mother’s doorstep now. But your father was nowhere to be found. So much for a vow.
Mr. Gojo pours his son a glass of whiskey, single malt as read on the label. Mrs. Gojo pours you and Sana a glass of red wine, and you try to hide the grimace, because you would’ve much rather had the whiskey.
“To y/n,” Mr. Gojo says, raising his glass up into the air, “for being our newest addition to the family.”
You all clink your glasses together, then in a variety of pairings, the last one being the tap of Gojo’s glass against yours, before you all take a drink.
“So…” Mrs. Gojo speaks up, “exactly how long have the two of you been married?”
You glance at Gojo for help, which isn’t exactly an unsuspecting thing to do.
“Four weeks,” he says.
You watch Mrs. Gojo’s eyes twitch. You can understand. Her own son gets married and doesn’t tell her anything about it for four weeks after the wedding. Well, in your case, a courthouse arrangement.
“Where did you two go for your honeymoon?” she asks, and Mr. Gojo clears his throat.
You look at Gojo for help again, and mentally pinch yourself for not being more discreet about how fake this whole thing is.
But Gojo surprisingly looks at ease. “Greece,” he says, and leaves it at that.
Mrs. Gojo’s body language turns to you, clearly irritated by her son’s short and curt answers. “Did you have a fun time, dear?”
“Oh! Yes, it was a very fun time. Definitely did all the newly wed stuff. Just as normal newlyweds do, you know. Because we are newlyweds,” you say through an awkward cough.
“Like…?” Mrs. Gojo pushes, and you can tell that she’s asking out of a genuine curiosity over the itinerary you two had allegedly carried out, but you crack under the pressure.
“W—…We made love,” you say, “we made lots and lots of love.”
The sound of silverware clanking onto ceramic plates startles you out of the blissful ignorance you had to the words that you had just said. Like you were so caught up in your mind about wanting to seem like an actual real life couple to his parents that you almost forgot about the number one social rule when meeting your (fake) significant other’s parents: no references to copulation.
You glance up to find Mrs. Gojo’s eyes are wide, a slight tinge of pink to her cheeks. The width of Mr. Gojo’s eyes match his wife’s except his expression is also duly accompanied by a furrowed, perplexed brow. Sana looks visibly uncomfortable, shifting in her seat and trying hard to put on a poker face as she pretends like she didn’t just hear what you said.
You finally glance at Gojo, who’s looking at you with the most what the fuck? face you’ve ever seen someone make, and there’s concern on there somewhere too, like he’s not even fully convinced that you’re mentally sane at the moment because why on God’s green Earth would you say something like that at a family dinner table.
Trying your best to laugh it off, you say, “ah…ahaha, d-did I say make love? I meant–I meant that we–”
“Just–” Gojo interrupts you. “Just stop.”
Everyone are still stunned silent and the flush to your cheeks grows warmer. While clearing your throat, you set your lap napkin up on the table and clumsily scootch yourself out of your chair.
“Ex…cuse…me...” you mumble under your breath, knocking the table with your knee on accident, your wine glass almost toppling all over the pretty linen tablecloth but your reflexes catch the stem to steady it. “I need to…use the restroom.” And then you head straight down the hallway without sparing them another glance.
“Use the upstairs one!” Mrs. Gojo calls out to you, “the guest bathroom is under renovation.”
“Of fucking course it is,” you mutter under your breath, but flash them a polite smile before rounding the staircase pillar and then briskly walking up the stairs.
You quickly realize there’s more personality to the house upstairs, with some clutter in the theater loft and mismatching decorations that don’t reveal the careful deliberation of an indoor designer. The master bedroom is directly to the right of the top of the staircase and you glance across the loft at a narrow hallway that leads into the three bedrooms tucked away into the heart of the house.
One foot after the other, you float in that direction as if some force were compelling you towards it. Some trance of curiosity that no human being could ever resist. It’s fine. You didn’t actually need to piss anyways.
The first bedroom you walk past is rather boring, with beige tones all around. Beige bed sheets, beige wall paint, beige lamp shade, beige curtains. But the air smells crisp, and you notice there’s a shelf that has about half a dozen plants lined up in a variety of artistic pots. Similar to the set-up Gojo has in his house at home. You walk inside and brush your fingers across the dresser surface, rubbing fine dust over the pads of your fingers, and with your next inhale, you sneeze.
A guest bedroom, you think to yourself.
The next bedroom you walk past is sweeter, kinder, warmer. There’s pink hues scattered across, the most obvious one being the pillow covers, and there are some shades of a baby blue as well. But the furniture looks modern, sleek, and new. There were two identities at war in the room, like that of a little girl and a grown woman. Neither able to find its voice among the chaos of friendship bracelets sprawled across the desk and the Louis Vuitton purse resting at the foot of the bed.
Sana’s room, you think to yourself.
Childhood bedrooms are like time capsules if left untouched for very long. You’ve lived in your room at home for as long as you can remember, only recently having shifted to the master bedroom. The room grew up with you. It had no chance to become some entity of its own.
The next bedroom you walk by feels familiar, even before you walk inside. There’s a comforting feeling that envelopes just from the lighting alone. You push the door open with a gentle palm.
The culprit of any young man’s room–navy blue sheets. Stretched taut against a made-up bed that has some sort of feminine flair to it, like it wasn’t set by Gojo, but rather his mother passing by his room one day to sit in his absence, only to needlessly mess with the sheets because it gave her a sense of purpose. You go eighteen years pouring blood, sweat, and tears into raising a child, protecting them, nurturing them, being the one they lean on for all of life’s woes, only for them to pack up and leave one day. You suppose that if you were a parent, you would find melancholy in that loss of responsibility too.
His desk is a large expanse of cedar wood with a desktop monitor and some bookshelf speakers set up on it. The PC itself has collected dust over the years but there’s a small mechanical whirring noise you hear somewhere within. The rest of the desk is mostly empty except for some unopened mail tucked away with some books, the spines creased at the last few hundred pages, but never to the end.
You pick one of the books up, flipping the pages open, and see sticky notes on some of them. Like English literature notes one would take in class, with studious words that over exaggerate the significance of the prose just to make a teacher happy. Who cares if the curtains were blue? Maybe the author just wanted them to be blue. Why does everything in life have to have meaning?
Setting the book back down with a sigh, you walk over to the bookshelf. There are some more trophies, some sets of comic books, some strange robotic-looking figurines. Small picture frames of foreign scenery are set up in different corners wherever there is empty space, like an afterthought.
“Hmm…” you hum to yourself, tilting your head to the side to read the vertical spine of a thick black book that was tucked flush up against the shelf's side.
West Valley High School. Class of 2007.
With your index finger hooking the spine, you slowly pull the book out from its comfy corner. It’s heavy in your hands and you notice that there are ink smudges across the tips of your fingers.
When you open the cover, you’re met with a page filled with a variety of colors and handwriting, and you realize they’re signatures. And to no one’s surprise, most of them are feminine. With hearts, some merely outlines, some shaded in with ink, scattered across the page. Bubbly handwriting, neat handwriting, cursive handwriting, a lot of it in pinks and purples and reds. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think it was like those Valentine’s Day cards all the girls would sign in grade school to pass onto their crush, except imagine if all of them were intended for just one guy.
You roll your eyes as you flip the pages, seeing no end in sight to the signed ink. I mean, come on, how many signature pages does a yearbook even need? This was excessive. And, no, you aren’t bitter simply because your high school yearbook has maybe a max of fifteen signatures (four of which were from your teachers). It’s just frustrating. And confusing. Why does everyone on this planet adore Gojo except you? Is there something wrong with you? Are you the problem?
There are some signatures from boys too, most likely his friends. Otherwise, you’re not sure what random fleeting classmate you’ve only spoken to a couple times would be brazen enough to draw pictures of penises squirting in whatever empty space they could find in your yearbook, if not for his high school friends. These boys are probably in their mid thirties now, just as Gojo is, maybe with wives and kids they’re now responsible for. You wonder if they’d still find the drawings funny all the same today.
You flip the pages more, taking in image after image after image of smiling portraits. ABC…DE…F…ah, G. Hmm, there. There it was.
Gojo Satoru.
Seems like his high school didn’t allow yearbook quotes, but you try to imagine what his would be. Probably something corny and lame, like See kids? I told you I was sexy in high school.
He looks cute though. With his hair fluffy, boyishly ruffled to pair with a charming smile that’s at ease. He just looks a little younger, that’s all. Not that much different. Perhaps a bit more scrawny, a bit more mischievous-looking. As opposed to his adult self, who appears sturdy. More serious. But you realize that cheeky part of him that comes out every now and then when he’s teasing you or pissing you off is that boy within him that looks exactly like the portrait in this yearbook that you trace with the pad of your finger.
You close the book, suddenly a little out of breath, and then slip it back into place. Your eyes catch the shimmer of the trophy at the top of the shelf. It was shaped like a baseball glove mitt, and in the palm cup, there is an actual baseball in there with a black ink signature. You gently pick it up and turn it in your palm to try and read the ink.
Ichiro.
Your dad used to watch baseball. You’re familiar. Seattle Mariners, Ichiro Suzuki. The first Japanese player to ever make it to the Major Leagues. Ten time all-star, and tenth member of the Mariners hall of fame. He retired when you were just a little girl, but you still remember the look of awe in your father’s eyes as he stared at the box TV in the living room of your house when Ichiro took his last stand at the plate.
Gojo was also a boy at that time. Living in this house. Maybe his old man was watching that game at the same time. And maybe Gojo was watching the look on his father’s face, too. It’s the romance of life–you look up at the moon in the sky, and you know that there is someone else out there, someone that you’ll meet some day, maybe even someone that will mean the world to you someday, who’s looking at it too. But you just don’t know it yet.
Lost in endless, rather fruitless thought, you continue to turn the baseball in your hand to pointlessly assess the seams, but it slips out of your hand and onto the carpeted floor with a loud hollow thud that startles you, and when you attempt to bend down and pick it up, you accidentally push it with your toe and it rolls underneath the bed.
“Shit,” you mumble, getting down onto your hands and knees to look underneath the bed.
You see the ball rolled a few feet away, and when you reach for it, it becomes clear that you don’t have the arm span to grab it. You struggle and you struggle, the tips of your fingers barely tickling its seam, and the frustration makes you sweat a little.
“Come…here…you…stupid…thing,” you mutter. You’re sure your hair is a static mess now, too.
You finally manage to roll it towards you a couple inches and then your palm wraps around it before pulling it to your shoulder, but not without something collateral that’s dragged along with it.
A photograph. Printed out, vintage. You pinch the corner between your two fingers and stand back up onto your two feet in order to better assess the image under the light of the floor lamp.
The first person you notice in the photo is Gojo. He looks younger than in the yearbook, but he’s wearing a suit and a tie. It’s a little big on him, ill-fitting as most teenage boys should look in a suit, like a rite of passage. His smile is less warm than the one in the yearbook too, more prim and stretched into a thin line that’s only slightly curved upwards. It’s only then when you notice the slender fingers sprawled across his chest near the collar of his undershirt, black nail polish blending in with the fabric of the suit. Your eyes trail the dainty hand, and your heart skips a beat when you see a girl standing next to him, pressed up against him, her smile much brighter than his. Pink braces line her teeth and her hair is that classic mid-2000s side-swept bang mess, but she’s pretty. Dressed in a pink-ish purple gown that almost looks like a bridesmaids dress, and you finally see the banner stretched across behind the both of them in the picture that reads Homecoming 2005.
It’s hard to explain it, but you can just feel it somehow. That this person is important to him. Not just some last-minute date to Homecoming, or an old high school girlfriend he’s long since lost touch with. It seems larger than that, somehow. Unlike penises drawn on yearbook paper, this feels like something a person never outgrows.
Of course, people have lived fully-fledged lives before you’ve met them. Just as you have as well. But you’re overtaken by the insane curiosity to want to learn every single detail about this past life that Gojo has lived. Where did he and his friends hang out after school? When did he learn how to drive? When was the first time he got shit-faced drunk? When was the first time he snuck out of the house? And who was this girl in the picture?
“Find what you’re lookin’ for yet?” a voice calls out, entirely startling you to where you almost jolt out of your skin, and you swiftly turn on your heel towards the entrance of the room.
You see Gojo standing in the door frame, leaning against it with his arms crossed as he levels his gaze at you. He has a blank expression on his face, although you would say it’s more serious than playful.
“What–...I–” you stutter, shuffling the picture you were holding behind your back so he doesn’t see.
His eyes don’t flit to the movement. “You don’t have to tear the room apart to find my illicit drugs. You could’ve just asked.”
You roll your eyes. “As if you would do drugs.”
“You say that like it’s an insult.”
“It is.”
“So, then, if you’re not looking for drugs, what are you looking for?”
Your cheeks are warm. “I don’t know. Petty cash? Human body parts? Playboy?”
He snorts. “Playboy? Who still has a subscription to Playboy?”
“Maybe your teenage self did.”
“I’m not that old,” he says, “I was watching porn like the rest of my peers.”
“Ew, you freak,” you say, and you grab one of his pillows and throw it at him.
He lets out a laugh before catching the pillow with ease, and then walks up to you, placing the pillow on top of your head. You half-glare, half-pout at him.
“C’mon,” he probes, “tell me why you’re hiding away up here.”
“I embarrassed myself,” you confide in him with a sulk of your shoulders. “I mean. Seriously. What the fuck was that? What a humiliating thing to say in front of your parents. I just feel so weird pretending like this.”
His expression softens. “Sorry,” he says, “for dragging you into this dinner.”
“No,” you sigh, “I’m the one that did. I forgot you can’t necessarily fake a marriage without…doing the typical couple things.”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” he hums as his gaze flits towards the bed, “doing the typical couple things, you say?”
You roll your eyes. “In your dreams.”
“Oh, in my dreams alright,” he says with a grin.
“And if I strangled you? What then?”
“I like that. It’s kinky.”
“And I’m supposed to believe you don’t have magazines lying around?”
“Brown box underneath the bed. You didn’t look hard enough.”
You give him a disgusted look. He laughs.
“I’m joking,” he says, pushing his hands into his pockets.
“I’m not convinced,” you say, turning your body away from him slightly to keep the photo hidden behind your back.
He tilts his head at you, gaze flickering down to your other hand. Your heart skips a beat. “I could’ve guessed that.”
His hand reaches out and you flinch ever so slightly, something he thankfully doesn’t notice, and then he’s grabbing the baseball out of your palm.
“I always thought I could sell this thing for major money,” he muses, throwing the ball up into the air to catch it. And then doing so again a couple times.
“It’s authentic?” you ask with genuine curiosity.
“Oh yeah. I caught it. First ball game my old man ever took me to, and it happened to be Ichiro’s last.”
Your eyes widen. Gojo was at that game. He wasn’t just watching it from home on some TV like you did with your dad. He was living in it.
“Wow,” you say, “must’ve been quite the game.”
“Don’t really remember too much about it to be honest, other than how stoked I was to just be there with my dad.”
“Mm,” you hum, “I’ll have to ask Mr. Gojo more about it when we get downstairs.”
His expression falters slightly, his smile dropping in the most subtle way that you wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t been intently staring at his face.
“Yeah,” he says, “maybe.”
Gojo continues to stare at the ball in his palm as he rotates it in inspection. There’s an awkward silence that settles between the two of you, and you feel the burden of conversation has suddenly fallen on you.
“My, um. My dad was a fan too,” you say.
His eyes glance up to meet yours. “How come I’ve never met him?”
The question catches you off guard. “Wh–...I’m sorry, what?”
“Your dad,” he says, as if it was something so casual.
“That–...well, he’s–...I don’t know, I haven’t seen him in years,” you admit, “not since…not since my mother was diagnosed with cancer.”
He stares at you earnestly, studying your expression, before he decides on saying nothing else except, “I’m sorry about that.”
You sigh. “Satoru, I–” you start, keen on the way his body stiffens slightly when you say his name, “I really don’t have the capacity for much else tonight. I mean, the questions. And the lies. And walking on eggshells around your mom.”
“Well. I was sent up here to get you,” he says, “and I can’t exactly go downstairs empty handed.”
“Fine. Let’s just get this dinner over with as fast as possible.”
“Sure,” he easily agrees, “I’m with you on that one.”
You take a step forward to head towards the door, but then suck in a sharp gasp when you remember what was being held behind your back.
“Wait,” you say, “look away.”
“...huh?” he huffs, a puzzled look on his face.
“Just look away for a second.”
His eyebrows furrow before he lifts one in a questioning manner. But he acquiesces and turns on his heel to face away from you. “Have I ever told you how strange you are?”
“No,” you say while discretely crouching down, playing along in an attempt to distract him, “you haven’t.” You flinch a little from the sound of your hip popping, but he doesn’t seem to notice and so you bend your wrist in preparation of flinging the photo back to the abyss underneath his bed.
But you stop.
And you take one more glance at the photo.
And your stomach flips the same way it did the first time you saw it.
If you asked, would he tell you?
But the more pressing question is,
Why are you so scared to find out?
You shake your head vigorously to get rid of all your pestering intrusive thoughts. It was the stress, you played it off. A hyperactive mind leads to hyperactive ruminations. And besides, it’s just silly. Sure, there’s your gut feeling that suggests otherwise. But this girl in the photo could really just be an old friend or girlfriend that had no significant impact on the trajectory of his life. Why be the crazy one and lose sleep over this? You’ve lost sleep over plenty of other things in your life, but not stuff like this. It’s just not like you.
You fling the photo across underneath the bed and then stand up just in time for when Gojo turns around to look at you out of curiosity.
“Alright,” you say, dusting your hands off, “let’s go.”
You walk over to where he stands by the doorframe, a slight warmth to your cheeks when he doesn’t move out of your way like he usually does, but instead he leans towards you slightly as you brush past him, and your heart jumps a beat in your chest when you feel his hand gently fall to the small of your back, softly urging you forward ahead of him. A feather of a touch, yet intentional, almost naturally so, like a curious test of the boundary between you two that he’s been dying to understand a bit better. And the fact you don’t turn on your heel to face him with that same undeserved and petty rage that you always do, and instead slightly shudder at the feel of his touch, means that somewhere along the way, you’ve moved the line a little closer.
He’s hot on your trail as you walk down the stairs slowly and when you turn around the post at the bottom then make your way back to the dining room, you see his family staring at you with wide eyes.
His mother stands up. “y/n! Come sit back down, dear.”
You nod meekly, and Gojo pulls your chair out for you to take a seat before he resumes his seat next to you.
The food is slightly cold by the time you finally get to pick at it. It’s not very seasoned, either. Not enough salt for your taste. But somehow Mrs. Gojo having a phobia of sodium is a study of character that makes perfect sense in your head.
Eventually, the awkward silence is too much for you to bear, and you set your fork and knife down on your napkin with a slight bit more force than you probably should’ve.
Everyone looks at you.
You sigh. “I’m sorry for earlier,” you say, “I’m…uh, I’m just not really used to these sorts of dinners…I don’t have much family here in this town, and it’s always just sort of been my mom and me. And I—…I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
Wide eyes blink at you. Mr. Gojo shifts a little uncomfortably in his seat while Mrs. Gojo blinks her long lashes at you. Sana tilts her head, and you have no interest in seeing what Gojo’s expression looks like. You fear it’s the one you’d remember the most.
You were just being honest with how you felt. And it doesn’t take you long to realize something you probably should’ve realized earlier walking into a home like this where everything was perfect and on display with no evidence of the way a true family can crumble on the inside—a house like this does not value honesty. Your mother couldn’t afford you many luxuries in life, but you never felt like you couldn’t be honest in front of her.
You glimpse up at Sana, and there is some knowing expression on her face. It’s almost sympathetic. As if you two were on the same page about something right now. When you glance at Gojo, you see him staring down at his plate with his brow slightly furrowed.
“It…it’s quite alright, dear,” his mother says through a prim voice, and in an attempt to change the subject, she says, “I do hope you are enjoying the chicken.”
“Ah,” you exhale, “yes. I am.”
“So!” Mrs. Gojo chimes in again as she dabs her mouth to a linen napkin. “Tell me about what you do for fun.”
You blink at her. “Oh, umm…binge watch TV? Occasionally I’ll go for a walk.”
“Ahh interesting! What about reading? Do you enjoy reading?”
“Well, the last book I purchased was a picture book about North Korean missiles…so.”
She lets out a laugh. “And where do you see yourself in five years?”
You hear Gojo sigh beside you before he reluctantly sets down his silverware and then he turns to Mrs. Gojo. “Mom. C’mon. This isn’t a job interview. Just let her eat.”
There’s a slight tinge of pink to the tips of her ears from the interrogation interruption as she glances between the two of you. She looks over at Sana for help but finds nothing other than a gaze tipped down towards a plate full of picked-at food. Mr. Gojo folds a hand over her frail knuckles as if to silently communicate, but Mrs. Gojo retreats her hands to fold in her lap underneath the table.
Feeling somewhat bad for the two of them, you turn the face Gojo’s dad. “Um…Mr. Gojo, Satoru was telling me about how you were a big baseball fan and a big Ichiro fan…do you still keep up with the Mariners?”
The man’s eyes grow wide with a visible confusion and you swear you hear Gojo clear his throat beside you.
“Ah…that’s–” he starts before the sound of the doorbell ringing startles you.
Sana immediately stands up without a word of excusal or a glance in anyone’s direction and she heads straight for the door.
You all look around at one another before Mrs. Gojo says, “must be Jun.”
You were at least glad to find you would not be the only “in-law” at the table full of a tension-laced family dinner, especially given the fact that in most of the cases where you’ve met Jun, his penchant to talk overshadows any other energy.
“What’s up, y/n!” Jun shouts when he waltzes into the dining hall, a few steps ahead of Sana. He throws his jacket over the first surface he finds, body language matching that of someone twenty years younger than he actually is. You can’t tell if it’s overcompensation for something, or if he just genuinely believes he’s still in his twenties.
To your surprise, he opens his arms out for you to greet him with a hug, and you hesitate before standing up slightly to give him a well-meaning wrap of your arms around him, but it lacks any warmth of familiarity.
“Welcome to the fam!” he jovially exclaims before patting your arm. He then hugs Mr. Gojo, then Mrs. Gojo (paired with those cheek kisses that the French do in greeting), then daps up Gojo (to which you notice Gojo is less than enthusiastic about) before he finally kisses Sana on the cheek and then takes his seat at the other end of the table. Your eyes are keen on Sana now, watching her intently, but she remains staring at the food on her plate. You had a feeling there was someone in this room that didn’t want to be at this dinner even more than you did.
“How was traffic, Jun?” Mr. Gojo asks.
“Oh it was nothing. Took a shortcut. Backroute off of Lake City Way. Full of pot holes though.”
Sana turns to him and scowls. “While you were taking Juno to her sleepover?!”
He lifts an eyebrow at her. “Yeah? We were running late.”
“How many times do I have to tell you not to take that route to get into the city! Those pot holes are so dangerous.”
“Honey. Chill. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Just last week I saw news of three plot holes on the Mercer Street intersection opened up. Three people were injured, including a young boy.”
“Okay well if I also believed everything I saw on the news was going to personally happen to me too then we’d have never gotten this far in life.”
“Jun,” Sana deadpans.
“W-Why don’t I fix you a plate, Jun? You must be tired.” Mrs. Gojo chimes in.
Sana breathes in deep and exhales slowly before slumping down into her chair.
“Thanks,” Jun says, easing his brow as he sits back in his chair nonchalantly, before he turns to Gojo and starts to talk about mundane things like the stock market, the recent election, something about a new bowling record, and this one Thai restaurant he really wants to try on the other end of town, all within the span of time it takes Mrs. Gojo to set a plate down in front of him.
Mr. Gojo jumps in on conversation from time to time. Mrs. Gojo listens idly, sometimes placing a laugh where she feels appropriate. Jun gets particularly animated about this incident he ran into earlier last week when he was dropping Juno off at school, a story that you notice everyone at the table is for some reason entirely intrigued by, but you suppose it’s the most interesting topic of conversation you’ve all had tonight thus far. At certain critical points of the story, Sana jumps in with a that’s not what happened, Jun and you find yourself finally settling in somewhat to the evening.
Just as Jun’s story is ending, you glance up to Mrs. Gojo and find that she’s staring at you with a smile on her face. It makes you jump in your seat a little, luckily unnoticed by the rest of the table because of Jun’s engaging theatrical hand gestures as he attempts to keep his wife, his brother-in-law and his father-in-law engaged. You would’ve expected Mrs. Gojo to avert her gaze the second yours locked with hers, but she doesn’t. She just continues to look at you with a soft smile on her face and a slight tilt to her head, like she’s getting used to the sight of seeing you at this table.
Her gaze flits downwards slightly and you follow her line of gaze, tracing it to the ring that was adorning your left hand.
Your eyes widen slightly.
“Oh–” you stutter, the words already getting caught in your throat, “I–...I forgot to say, it’s an honor to wear your ring, Mrs. Gojo.” The table suddenly goes quiet, and you can’t tell if it’s because of you, or if it’s because there was no more story left to tell. “It’s beautiful.”
It truly felt like for every two steps you took forward, it was ten steps backwards. Because you watch the way that soft smile of hers entirely drops, her expression replaced with one of confusion, brows knitted together as she looks at you like you’ve just spoken in a language no one on Earth can speak.
She glances at Gojo, and you don’t have to look at him to tell that he’s stiff in his seat. You could’ve felt the tension from a mile away.
Mrs. Gojo looks at you again. “Oh honey, that–” She glances between you and Gojo. “That’s not my ring…”
Your eyes widen, cheeks already flush from whatever’s to come.
But suddenly, and to your surprise, Sana speaks up. “It was our mother’s ring.”
You look at her with confusion. And then you glance at Gojo. And then you glance back at Sana. And then at Mr. & Mrs. Gojo.
“But…” you trail off.
“Sumiko and Daichi are our aunt and uncle,” Sana says with a strained voice, “our real parents died in a house fire when we were younger.”
You blink at her in shock.
“He didn’t tell you?” Mr. Gojo asks.
“I–” You glance at Gojo and see that he’s poking his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he stares down at the glass of scotch he was twirling around in his hand.
“Of course he didn’t,” Sana interrupts, the bitterness in her voice matching the attitude she’s since displayed this entire evening. Her gaze is locked onto her brother’s face, and when his gaze flickers up to meet her eye contact, his expression is set with a tense jaw. “He never wants to mention them. He never wants to acknowledge their life. He never wants to honor them. He just wants to pretend like they never existed.”
“Sana,” he cuts her off, and a chill gets sent down your spine from the seriousness and rigidity in his voice. “Now’s not the time for this.”
“When is the fucking time?!” she spats at him, the simmering tension brewing over. Ah. Yes. The moment you had been expecting. After all, what family does not have its baggage? Sana abruptly stands up from the table, startling everyone with the clanking of silverware and ceramic from the motion. “When is the fucking time for you to admit that you never gave a shit about mom and dad dying? When is the fucking time for you to admit that we moved on to live with these people so fast? When is the fucking time for you to admit how wrong it was for you to force me to call the people here my mom and dad my whole life when they aren’t?” Her voice cracks near the end.
You glance at Mr. & Mrs. Gojo, who both look shocked, hurt, even embarrassed as they gaze down at their food. Your heart stalls in your chest for them.
When you glance back at Gojo, you see that his gaze is hardened even further now. “You’re being rude,” he says, in as steady of a voice as he can manage from the way his brow is creased with disappointment.
“Yeah, whatever,” Sana says as she wipes at the tears with her sleeves, and you notice that she looks young like this. Younger than the usual prim and proper self that she portrays. Too young to be a mom, too young to be a wife, too young to be an adult. Like someone propelled into a life that she never wanted. “That’s always what you say, isn’t it? No answers, you just claim that I’m being childish and rude.” Jun tries to reach out to hold her hand but she snatches it away from him. Under her breath she says, “I didn’t want to come here. I should’ve just stayed home.” And with a rough swipe of her sleeve across both of her cheeks, she suddenly storms off somewhere deep into the house. Jun immediately stands up to follow her, leaving the four of you here with stale, cold food.
The timer in the oven goes off, the sound heard in the distance like a lifeline, and Mrs. Gojo immediately stands up. “Ah, must be…the roasted potatoes. I’ll be right back,” she fusses, and you avert your gaze from her face so she doesn’t feel embarrassed over the streak of a tear you saw streaming down her face.
“Let me help you,” Mr. Gojo says in a small sheepish mumble before following his wife into the kitchen.
And then there were two.
You only have a moment to process the dramatic outburst and subsequent fall-through before you turn in your chair to face Gojo, your face narrowing in contempt. You see him running a hand through his hair, entirely ruffling out any sort of neatness he had combed it into earlier, and he undoes the top button of his shirt with an impatient thumb like he was letting go of whatever image he had been trying to keep up for tonight, because after what just happened, there was no use.
“So when were you going to tell me that they aren’t actually your real parents???” you hiss at him.
He sighs and runs a hand down his face. “They’ve raised us since Sana was just three years old. I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Okay well if I had known then I wouldn’t have mentioned the ring??? Now everyone’s left the table because of me.”
“It’s not because of you,” he quickly corrects you, “it’s because of years of unnecessary drama of which I’ve still got no fucking clue why it still gets brough up at every. family. dinner. If you didn’t bring it up, then they would’ve figured out a way to bring it up somehow anyways.”
You blink at him, a little taken aback by how dejected he was by this entire conversation.
“Are you going to go check on Sana?” you ask him.
“No,” he says without hesitation, “she’ll calm down soon enough.”
You press your lips into a thin line, contemplating his dismissal, before you let out a huff of disappointment and disapproval. You pull your napkin off of your lap, setting it up on the table, and slip out of your chair to head into the house in the direction you saw Sana storm off into, leaving Gojo to himself at the table.
As you walk down the hallway, all those pictures you saw hung up on the walls, those photos of illusion that painted this pretty picture of a nuclear family fall apart in the narrow space, those firm smiles and hesitant postures making much more sense to you now. They aren’t even his real parents. Baseball and wedding rings. Those details belonged to a life he never intended on sharing with you.
You walk past the kitchen, stopping briefly just beyond the entrance before backtracking and you find Sana standing near the sink with her arm across her chest as her other hand wipes at her cheeks. The soft sound of a sniffle echoes in the room and you’re surprised to see that Jun left her alone.
Tentatively, you shuffle your feet across the wooden floor. She seems to make note of you in her periphery but refuses to glance up.
“Hey…” you start when you finally make it to the space in front of her, your hip leaning against the edge of the sink counter in parallel with hers as you face her.
“I—” she starts, shuffling her palms across her cheeks again. “I am so severely embarrassed.”
Your eyes widen slightly at the honesty. “Don’t be. It’s just family.”
“No but that’s the point,” she says through a crack in her voice, “I’m thirty-one, I’m married, I’m a mom, but they’ll always just see me as some immature little brat because I always behave like this.”
You don’t know what to say. You suppose if you were a therapist, or a priest, or a mentor, or a mom yourself, or any other person with an emotional IQ higher than yourself, you would know the right thing to say to her right now. But you don’t. So silence is all that you can offer her, and you hope that it’s enough.
It seems to work in it’s own magical way, as she slowly opens herself up to you within the next passing sixty seconds. A fleeting glance up to your face. The halt of pointless fidgeting with the fabric of her sleeve. The way she stands up straighter, her hip no longer leaning against the kitchen counter, and you find that you mirror the same movement.
She clears her throat, rubbing her nose with the knuckle of her index finger, her eyes no longer glistening with tears but the corners of them look puffy.
You glance down at your feet for a moment before inhaling deep and making eye contact with her. “Hey, listen…” you say, “I’m—…I’m really sorry…about earlier today. For overstepping about the bullying. Juno’s your daughter, and I really shouldn’t have given her advice before at least running it by you beforehand. Especially for something so sensitive.”
The delicate muscles of her brow lift in surprise at your words, lids fluttering slowly as she processes your words, and the wave of melancholy is contagious as it washes through you as well.
“I’m sorry too,” she says, “for how angry I got with you. It’s just—” she hesitates, and you see that semblance of her that you’re more familiar with. Strict, stern, rough around the edges but for a noble reason. “Y’know, with kids…we tend to get overprotective over them.” Her gaze drops to somewhere beneath yourselves as if she suddenly lost confidence in her train of thought. “I’m just trying to do the right thing for her.”
A silence settles between the two of you before you realize you ought to respond to her.
“I get it,” you finally say. “I mean—…I don’t. Because I’m not a mom. But…I’m sure that when I am one some day, I’d understand.”
She finally offers you a smile in return to your words, polite but genuine nonetheless. And a soft remnant sniffle makes her ruffle her nose.
Her expression softens, and she stares straight ahead to your collarbone rather than your eyes. “She really likes you, you know?” Sana glances up at you now. “Hasn’t stopped talking about your ‘blubbery’ pancakes since last week.”
“Aww.”
There’s a sad glint in her eyes when she turns her torso away from you slightly in resignation before some hint of optimism flashes by in her face and she turns to you again.
“Do you…think you could give me the recipe?”
You want to ask her if everything is okay. But instead, you say, “sure.”
The sound of footsteps approaching is heard near the kitchen entrance and the two of you glance in that direction to see Jun walking in. He offers you a fleeting glance before taking his place beside Sana, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling him towards her before placing a kiss on her temple and saying, “hey honey.”
You watch as she averts her gaze down to the tips of her toes.
“Feeling better?” he asks her but there’s this lack of warmth you cannot quite discern.
“Yes,” she responds, scratching at her cheek as a discreet way of getting rid of the last remaining wetness that had streamed down her face earlier.
He rubs her arm soothingly and then looks at you with a smile pressed into a firm line. “Doing alright?”
You blink at him. “Wh—…yes.”
“Say, y/n, how’s your mom doing by the way?” he asks.
“She’s…better. She’s in hospice now.”
“Palliative?”
“Well—” you say, “I guess. It’s just temporary.”
He shuffles inside the pocket of his coat and takes out something. A small card with finely printed black ink on it. He hands it to you.
“I can’t imagine how expensive that all must be,” he says, and you glance down at the card.
Carevest Capital est. 2016
Invest in a healthier you!
You glance up at Jun. Sana’s gaze has now shifted to the inside of the sink.
“I started this business,” he says, “where we’re revolutionizing the way healthcare costs are managed. In our platform, we basically invest our clients’ money into the stock market, leveraging our high-reward algorithm to maximize returns. But here’s the unique part: we partner with leading healthcare CEOs who match a portion of the profits as an incentive for stock purchases. Together, these funds go directly toward paying off hospital bills and easing related financial burdens.”
Your eyes widen at his words. The speech was practiced, one you can only assume he has pitched to many potential clientele. But there’s a hint of personable grace to it as well.
“I’m telling you, y/n, we’ve had clients who have overcome six figures of medical debt in just six months,” he says, “and you’ll only need a couple thousand dollars to start yourself up.”
You purse your lips together, your finger pinching the corner of the card. “That’s amazing, Jun.”
He smiles at you, releasing Sana’s waist. “Sorry if this kinda came out of nowhere, but I heard through the grapevine that things have been rough.”
Oh, like how your card has declined publicly at the grocery store multiple times, or how you haven’t been able to afford your insurance deductible to get that chipped off part of your bumper fixed, or the fact you haven’t paid your landscapers in over three months so your lawn now looks like a swamp? It was a small town. And people’s finances were always a topic of interest for most.
“I just wanted to offer any help I can,” Jun says.
“Thanks,” you say, returning his smile, “I’ll, um, I’ll look into it.” You push the card into your pocket.
He offers you that same firm smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes before he pulls Sana to him again, placing another kiss along her hairline and the PDA seems like overcompensation on some front from the way Sana is entirely frigid to his touch.
Maybe it was a woman’s intuition,
But you felt like something was wrong.
“Kids,” you hear Mr. Gojo’s crackly voice say as he stands leaning against the doorframe near the kitchen entrance, “let’s finish dinner?”
The three of you exchange glances before nodding and heading back towards the hall.
Your peach cobbler was apparently very good, the only thing that seemed to cut through the tension of the night. But that was the thing with family, right? You can yell and scream and cry and lecture and mope and roll your eyes at each other all you want but at the end of the day, they’re still family. Sana still seems slightly dejected though, and you can see Gojo in the corner of your eye at the table glancing up at her every other minute or so. His own way of making sure she’s doing okay, you think to yourself. Sana refuses to meet anyone’s line of sight except yours, however, which makes you feel some slight burdensome responsibility of sisterhood you had never signed up for. Nonetheless, you try to offer her a soothing smile whenever she looks up at you, and it seems to put her at ease.
The news of Sana and Jun moving seemed slightly anticlimactic, as Mrs. Gojo mentioned that they had already had an inkling that Jun and Sana would be moving closer to the city. You briefly wonder if Mrs. Gojo knew all along, but decided to make the announcement into some big affair just so that she could see her niece and nephew over a meal.
You make no more embarrassing comments. Conversation dulls into anything and everything unpersonal to you all, such as the news and weather and gossip of other people. And somewhere along the night, you relax your knee, the ball of it pressing into Gojo’s thigh underneath the table. It was wordless, innocent contact that occurs when two people become more comfortable with one another. Only excusable due to the slight buzz you felt in your veins from the wine. He’s kissed you before, yet somehow the press of his thigh against yours feels even more searing. There’s a point along the night where you tip your head to the right slightly, daringly close to resting your head on his shoulder due to the tipsy dizziness weighing in your head, and it would certainly put on a convincing show of newlywed affection for his aunt and uncle, but you manage to catch yourself. And subsequently refuse any more glasses of wine.
“Thanks for having me,” you say to Mrs. Gojo at the front entrance before she pulls you in for a hug.
“Oh, anytime dear,” she says as she gently pats your back, “please.”
When she pulls away from the hug, she holds you by your shoulders before her eyes glance down towards your left hand and the shimmering diamond that sat on the ring finger. She holds your hand in hers and lifts it to examine the twinkle underneath the lights of the chandelier.
“It really is a pretty ring,” she says, her eyes glossing over. “It looked beautiful on my sister, and it looks beautiful on you too.”
Your breath hitches slightly in your throat. “Thank you, Mrs. Gojo.”
“Please,” she says in response to the title, “Sumiko is fine.” But in less of a way in which she’s relaxing formalities, but rather in a way that acknowledges she never had the sovereignty to be called that in the first place.
You hear masculine voices approaching down the hallway as the three men make their way towards the front entrance as well. Gojo glances at you in the midst of their conversation, and he leaves the two of them to make his way over to you.
“Alright,” Gojo says, turning to face the rest of them as he stands beside you. “We’ll head out now.”
Sumiko pulls him in for a hug, then his uncle, and then obnoxiously by Jun as well. Sana fidgets with her fingers as she remains at the end of the line, and you catch a glimpse of surprise on her face when Gojo pulls her in for a hug too. You see him whisper something to her, and it’s only after she hears what he said that she returns the hug and wraps her arms around him as well.
You’re jolted out of your people-watching trance when Gojo walks up to you and takes your hand in his, shoving his other in his pocket. You glance down at the sight, the way his large hand engulfs your own. It’s warm in a firm hold, delicately squeezing your hand once right before you feel the cold air behind you when his uncle opens the door.
Well, you survived. That’s what you think to yourself as you sit in the passenger seat of Gojo’s car, watching the city lights twinkle as you two drive by. You don’t know what you were expecting. Drama? Ease? Tension? For a piece of the sky to fall and land on the roof? There was a part of you that wanted to impress. You want to be one of those daughter-in-laws that the in-laws just adore. You know, where they’re like, god am I so happy that she’s a part of the family now! The one that the mother-in-law is just so ecstatic to know that her son managed to hold down such a catch.
But any expectations and pressure dissolve with the reminder that this is all fake. Fake, fake, fake. And you’d do really well to remind yourself of that reality whenever you spent time with Gojo. Whenever you find yourself acclimating into his life for even a moment, just remember that it’s fake. Can you have a little fun here and there? Sure. Will you probably find yourself in even stranger situations going forward? Yes, because, well, that’s how life is. But it’s just fake. No obligations, no responsibility, nothing. Nada. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
But as you walk through the front door, staring straight ahead into the dark house at Gojo’s back as he sets down the keys by the foyer table, and even as you follow him further into the house towards the kitchen, that feeling inside you surges.
A woman's intuition.
That something between Jun and Sana was wrong.
Not just routine marital issues,
Or the occasional argument,
Something worse. Something dangerous.
And it’s not something you would ever expect a man to pick up on, even Gojo.
Because it was from the way Sana’s eyes silently communicated with you from across the table,
Something so subtle, a silent plea across a shared dimension,
That she needed help.
“Hey…” you speak up softly, standing in front of the fridge.
Gojo glances over his shoulder at you from the other side of the kitchen island, barely illuminated by the moonlight through the windows. He turns to face you. “What’s up?”
You blink at him.
“Um, I really don’t want to overstep again, but—”
There’s a sobering thought that flashes through your mind when you recall that you have never seen yourself as the hero in anyone’s story.
Simply because you could never, ever, ever trust yourself.
You could never trust your feelings or your decisions.
Because you cosigned on hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical loans. Because you stuck around for five years with a man that didn’t love you anymore. Because you still feel naive enough to believe that your best friend who betrayed you still misses you somehow. Because you still foolishly believe your mother will be around to hold her grandchildren someday.
Because you thought that your best bet in order to pull yourself out of hell was to fake marry a man,
And then act as if it’s all real when his aunt looks you in the eye with bittersweet tears as you now wear her bereaved sister’s ring in honor, entirely unaware it was actually being worn in vain.
How could you ever trust your judgement when you behave this way?
Never the hero. If anything, the villain.
“What is it?” Gojo repeats when he sees that you’ve been silent for too long. He tilts his head at you, his hair falling over his forehead haphazardly and he runs a hand through it to try to get it out of his face. Even in the dim light, his eyes shine a breathtaking blue.
You swallow hard.
“Um,” you say, and then glance down at the wetness you find at your heel. “The, um, the fridge is leaking again.”
He blinks at you for a solid ten seconds, and then the tension in his shoulders drops when he sulks and closes his eyes with exhaustion and defeat.
“Fuck. Okay.”
.
.
.
[end of chapter 5]
a/n. looool i really keep thinking i can post shorter chapters and them bam they be 10k+ words. but i swearrr it's just cuz i be yapping :(( anywho hope you enjoyed this chapter!! a lot of characters were kinda introduced and mm given a bit more depth in this chapter. sorry there wasn't as much romance or anything in this one though haha there will be more in the next one :0 big big thank you to my lovely ihm beta readers ayelin, jules, leni & mirl for helping me out w this chapter!! i believe i may have mentioned this before but i STRUGGLLEEEE with multi-character scenes (i'm much more comfy writing scenes that just have back n forth between two characters) so this chapter was challenginggg esp the whole dinner sequences and there were also a lot of complicated feelings at play, descriptions, stuff i wasn't sure if it was coming off the right way (and tbh am still not sure haha) but they really helped me work my thoughts out n gave wonderful suggestions too so tysm :'') much loveee!! hope to see you all in the next one <3 - ellie
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#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanfiction#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x reader smut#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x reader angst#jjk gojo#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru fluff#smut#fluff#angst#gojo satoru fanfiction#gojo x you#long fic#jjk fanfiction#jjk series#romance#fake dating#fake marriage#neighbors au#ongoing series#humor#slow burn#mutual pining#enemies to lovers#gojo x reader series
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POMEGRANATES ✴︎˚。⋆
pairing: junhui x gn!reader wc: 0.4k words warning: pet names
“loving you once only wrong, i need you”
junhui placed a few containers with fruits inside on the towel you two were sitting and leaned back, his arms supporting his upper body weight. “what did you bring?”
you smiled and placed a container full of brownies on the towel, “ta-da!”. junhui’s smile turned into a grin, his eyes sparkling at the sight of your brownies.
“i love your brownies so much,” he took one and ate it, closing his eyes and humming when the sweetness of the brownie touched his tongue. “babe, it’s really good.”
“glad to know,” you sighed happily, “let’s see what fruits you brought.”
you started to open the containers, revealing basically all of your favorite fruits, all of them cut into heart or star shapes, but one in specific caught your attention. “are those pomegranate seeds?” you looked at him as he nodded, his mouth still full of brownie. “but... there’s a lot. did you buy it?”
“bought it de-seeded?” he asked as he finally swallowed the brownie, but he didnt give you time to answer his question. “no, i de-seed them myself. there are two de-seeded pomegranates there.”
“that much?” your eyes widened. “one pomegranate was enough, babe! one pomegranate itself has a lot of seeds.”
junhui shrugged his shoulders and reached out for the container, grabbing a few seeds with his hand and gently holding them closer to your mouth, waiting for you to open it so he could feed you. once you opened your mouth, he placed the seeds in it with a satisfied smile. “i remembered that one time you were scrolling through instagram and suddenly you told me how its been years since you had pomegranate. when i saw them at the grocery store, i thought ‘why not?’”
you grabbed a napkin to throw away the real seeds of the fruit before looking at him with a pout on your face. “babe,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he laughed while wrapping his arms around your waist. “when did you buy them?”
“yesterday, after practice.” you broke the hug and looked at him, “yesterday? then... when did you de-seed them? it takes time to do that.”
“right after i got home. its not a big deal, seriously." the pout kept it on your face when he said that, feeling loved by him for spending time doing something like that for you, but also a bit bad for him wasting his time de-seeding two entire pomegranates only for you. suddenly, your expression changed to a determined expression. “i will not let the time you spent turn into a waste of time.”
you started to put as much seeds as you could in your mouth in a small amount of time, which made him laugh and try to stop you. “hey!” he laughed once more, “eat slowly! i dont want you to have an upset stomach!”
#seventeen x reader#seventeen fluff#svt fluff#seventeen fanfic#svt fanfic#seventeen x you#svt x reader#wen junhui#junhui fluff#junhui imagines#junhui x reader#svt junhui#junhui fanfic#moon junhui#jun fluff#jun fanfic#jun imagines#svt jun#jun x reader
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GQ COUPLES QUIZ | JEY USO
summary: jey & janey test how much they know one another
warnings : none
"Sweet face, which pair should I wear?" I smiled up at Jey, my boyfriend of three years, as I held up two pairs of earrings.
"I like the silver hoops baby. They match what you have on." He looked up from his phone and over at me.
Nodding my head I quickly placed the gold hoops into my ear and then pulled the silver Vintage Alhambra bracelet out my jewelry bag.
We just finished our photoshoot for GQ magazine and now we're getting read to film our GQ Couples Quiz to help our fans learn a little more about us.
"Help me pleaseee." I stood in front of him and held my wrist out so he could put the bracelet on for me. "Thank you." I smiled and looked down at my wrist once he was finished.
"Janey, Jey, they're ready for you." One of the producers poked her head into the room.
"Thanks Kara." Jey said before grabbing my hand and leading me to where we would be having our couples quiz. Valentine's Day was right around the corner so they had the set decorated in hearts along with little candy bowls.
"You want some candy babe?" I asked him as I looked through the bowl and tried to find some chocolate.
"I'll get some after we finish." He shook his head and then went to take his seat. I sat across from him and crossed my left leg over my right, getting comfortable in my seat.
"Fix your shirt babe." I said to him once I noticed the collar was slightly tucked on one side.
"Preciate you mamas." He said before fixing his collar and getting comfortable in his seat as well.
The producer counted down and we both introduced ourselves. Being the gentleman he is, he let me ask him questions about me first.
"So our beautiful fans wanna know how we met. Go ahead and tell them." I smiled before putting the card behind the others.
"I feel like it was just yesterday but I've actually saw her at this party my brother was giving and I was eyeing her all night. Of course I saw her on Instagram because she's a well known model but in person, mmm." He said making me laugh.
"Mmm what?"
"You had on this satin, tight fitted dress and I was to nervous to say anything to you for real until I saw someone trying to talk to you." He went on explaining.
"Yeah, you knew you had to snatch me up before somebody else did. You still didn't tell me why you were so nervous?" I rested my face in my hand.
"Cause you're this big ass supermodel with a whole lot of confidence and I didn't know if you were gonna take me serious."He shrugged his shoulders and smiled spread across my face.
"Well, you were a gentleman and approached me with a lot of respect. That immediately got you sum browniepoints in my book." I smiled before moving on the the next series of questions.
"Where's my dream travel destination?" I asked him and watched as he actually had to sit and think about it.
"Baby, you don't know this?" My jaw dropped slightly as I looked at him. He ran his hand through his beard and laughed lightly.
"You gotta cut me some slack. I feel like your answer changes like every two months." He shook his head.
"You're so dramatic, it does not change every two months. There is more than one answer if that's what you're getting at."
"Yeah, cause you be on TikTok getting ideas but ima say you really wanna got to Barbados cause your family is from there." He said, still unsure.
"Mmh, and where do I want to travel with you. We literally talked about it on our flight." I twirled my foot around and waited for his answer.
"Oh! St Lucia, right?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Mmh, you know I'm an island gal."I nodded my head with a small laugh.
Of course he knew the answer to all the basic questions like my hometown, birthday, and the details of our first date. I loved how the questions went from being simple to more complex.
"What's one tradition I would like to past down to our kids?" I smacked the cards against my hand and watched as he thought about it. There was so many different answers to the question so he honestly couldn't get it wrong.
"Jey, you know this." I added while waiting for his response. "There's so many answers."
"Y'all see how she calls me Jey when she gets serious? She's applying some heavy pressure." He pointed towards me making the production staff laugh while I playfully rolled my eyes.
"Oh please, just answer the question."
"One thing I love about you is how family oriented you are. I know you would love for us to actually eat dinner together at the dinner table. Holidays are also a huge deal to you so we will be decorating for them.” He gave me a wide smile as I blushed.
"I can give him extra points for that answer, right? Y'all heard how sweet my baby was?" I asked the camera crew as I looked at the camera.
"I'm always sweet for you." He flirted with me.
Once he finished answering my questions it was his turn to ask me some questions and he was not letting up on me. Not to mention his questions matched his personality, goofy and exciting.
"Babe, I know the answer but I can't say it out loud. The people are gonna be in our business." I giggled
"I mean you can forfeit your point." He held his hands up and shrugged his shoulders.
"No, come here." I motioned my finger towards him and watched as he leaned in closer to me. I placed my hand on his arm for leverage, allowing me to whispered his guilty yet dirty pleasure into his ear.
He instantly began to laugh and leaned his head against mine as he did. I knew his body better than him and he couldn't even deny it. I placed my hand on his leg before sitting up and fixing myself in my seat.
"Yeah, that's a point." He nodded his head, trying to control his laugh as he damn near wiped tears from his face while I did a dance in my seat.
"A point!" I smiled.
"Okay, okay, what accomplishment am I the most proud of outside of my wrestling accomplishments?" He asked me and I thought to myself a little bit.
"Mmh, I'm gonna saying being able to provide for your family but most importantly being able to give your mom the life she deserves. So buying her a house and stuff like that?"
"You know me so well." He leaned back in his seat and nodded his head. He then gave me bonus points for answering the question with multiple correct answers.
Ultimately at the end I got more questions right than Jey but he did get all the personal questions correct. He was the kind of person who knew the details that were most important and that's all I cared about.
"So this is how many points you got." I held my hands up where the numbers would appear on the screen showcasing a 23/25 in blue bubble letters.
"And this is how many you got." Jey smiled and watched as 25/25 appeared on the screen in pink bubble letters.
"Damn you know me, huh?" He looked over at me.
"Of course I know my man, silly." I leaned over and kissed his lips, sweetly.
tags: @bebesobrielo @trentybenty @amandairene88 @kiki1704 @paigereeder @uceyliyahh @skyesthebomb @cyberdejos2 @chloeijuana @tian-monique
#wwe#black writers#wwe imagine#black fem reader#black female writers#wwe fluff#black fanfic writer#black oc#black romance#black fanfiction#jey uso imagine#jey uso
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Maniac: We Had Magic But You Made It Tragic
Daniela Avanzini x fem!reader
3.3k words | established relationship | story starts with predebut daniela | predebut friends are fictional
angst, fluff, homophobia, closeted, suggestive(ish) joke
In all honesty, it is truly dreadful to walk these halls, and you'd rather be anywhere than here at the moment. Opening the door to your locker though, you couldn't help the smile that crept to your lips at the sight of a little brown teddy bear, already having an idea of how it ended up in your locker.
"Hi cutie, I'll meet you up at your place tonight @ 10," a small handwritten letter said.
You stifle a chuckle, remembering that you once told Daniela that you valued handwritten letters, and although this is not the type of handwritten letter you had in mind, knowing that it came from the blonde made it a hundred times better.
After getting your stuff from the locker, you headed to your next class.
As you sat in your chair, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the girl that has been taking over your thoughts for the past three months. You didn't even know why someone like Daniela would give you the time of day—heck, she's literally THE Daniela Avanzini. It is especially shocking because prior to her taking an interest in you, you would have sworn that she is exclusively a boy kisser.
It still baffles you every time you think about your first interaction. It was at the parking lot near the campus grounds, it’s already dark and you had been standing there alone, waiting for someone you barely knew.
“Your date stood you up?” You visibly jolted, shocked at the sudden voice behind you. Turning around, you were surprised to see Daniela Avanzini staring right at you, a smirk visible on her lips, her arms crossed over her chest while her hands held her car keys.
“What, you see a loser in the wild and you immediately assume that she got stood up by a date? That’s very judgemental of you,” You replied, light-heartedly.
Although you meant it as a joke, you could see the shift in the girl’s demeanor, scratching her loose blond curls, looking slightly embarrassed, “Oh— I… I didn’t—”
“It’s alright, I was messing with you,” You cut her off. Daniela nodded before regaining her composure, “So what are you doing here all alone?”
Studying her face, it took you a hot minute to answer because first of all, you did not expect her to engage in an actual conversation with you; sure you expected a snarky remark about getting ditched by a date, but you didn’t expect her to actually talk to you. You immediately convinced yourself that she probably still feels guilty about her assumption which you called her out for.
“I mean if you don’t mind me asking,” Daniela added, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a creep, especially not in an empty parking lot.”
You realized that while you were overthinking, you were simply staring at the blonde’s face, probably making her feel more tense than she already was, “No, I don’t mind at all, sorry,” You started, “My mind went blank all of a sudden, it’s just that Hailey borrowed my notes yesterday and she asked me to meet her here so that she could return them.”
The blonde clicked her tongue before replying, “Well damn, I guess you’re not getting it tonight though.”
You look at her in question, “Why not?”
“She and her boyfriend had an argument earlier so now she’s at his place because he’s trying to make it up to her,” Daniela says.
“Oh, wow. Thanks for the heads up, god I hope she told me that herself so that I didn’t have to wait here all night thinking she had dance practice or something,” You said, obviously pissed, but your foul mood was not directed towards the blonde in front of you, rather it was for the blonde that ditched you.
“Look, I’m sure Hailey just forgot, she tends to do that when she’s stressed by her boyfriend, and maybe she couldn’t text you because she didn’t have your number,” Daniela tried to reason.
Now you felt bad because although she’s not the person you’re pissed at, she’s definitely in the receiving end of your attitude so you straightened up and said, “Yeah you’re right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a bitch towards you, I really do appreciate you telling me all this.”
Daniela flashes you a bright smile, her dimple showing, and you swore your heart bursted at the sight, “No worries at all, god knows what I would’ve said and done if I were in your position,” She wraps her hand around your arm, caressing it, “It’s all good, don’t worry, you weren’t a bitch at all.”
You could feel goosebumps all over the arm that the dancer held, especially with her eyes locked onto yours, it felt like you were suffocating but in the best way possible.
“Well, since we have established that you wouldn’t be seeing Hailey tonight, do you have any other plans?”
“Other than going home?” You asked, shocked that she would even ask such a question.
Daniela flashed you another smile, her dimple once again making an appearance, "I'd seriously kill for an unhealthily greasy burger right now," You could see the girl studying your face before continuing, "I was wondering if you'd like to join me?"
"I–" You honestly fell silent, not knowing how to respond to a really pretty girl asking you to eat with her, "Sure, I'd love to."
The dancer's smile widens, her eyes practically glowing in the dimly lit parking lot, "Great, I know a really good place. My car's just over there," The girl turns around, pointing towards her red car.
You nodded, and followed her when she started making her way towards the vehicle, "Oh shit, I forgot to ask," She turns back to face you, "Do you have a ride? Sorry, I just assumed that you'd ride with me…"
Daniela laughs awkwardly, scratching her head before adding, "God, I should really stop assuming things about you."
You gave the blonde a genuine smile of your own, finding the whole interaction adorable, "It's fine, Daniela, I don't mind, and no, I don't have a ride."
The girl's eyes visibly widened at the mention of her name, "Oh god," she said.
You look at her in curiosity, "Why? Is there something wrong?" You asked as the both of you approached the car.
"I just remembered, I didn't even introduce myself to you," The blonde said, a look of utter disbelief painted on her face. You couldn't help but chuckle at the girl.
"Daniela," you started, emphasizing her name, "I highly doubt that you even have to; you're like one of the most well-known students in our batch," you gave her a kind smile before adding, "If anything, I should be the one worried that I haven't introduced myself."
The dancer shakes her head in disagreement, "No," She starts, "Well, I already know you, I mean, I've seen you perform at some of your gigs," You could feel your cheeks heating up as the girl opens the car door for you, her eyes steady on your frame. You never would have thought that she'd be hanging out at the cafes that you played in, other than the fact that you'd never seen her, it just doesn't seem like her vibe.
"Oh, well, I'd hardly call it a performance," You replied as she finally enters her car, getting ready to drive off, "I just go up the stage with a guitar and sing," You could see the girl about to disagree with you when you added, "You on the other hand, wow, you are a performer."
Despite her focus being trained on the road, you could see the pink tint coloring the girl's cheeks, "That is not true," was all she could say.
"Oh come on, Daniela," You started, "You're a dance prodigy—you know for a fact that I'm right."
That night was the start of something unexpected; a vicious and feisty force that was Daniela just waltz into your life without any warning, and ever since then, the girl kept finding ways to bump into you and spark a conversation with you.
And of course, you did not even try to avoid it; in fact, you loved the attention that Daniela gave you—she's such an addictive person and the more you saw her, the more you wanted to bask in her presence.
It didn't even take the dancer long before she finally asked you out on a real date, which ended successfully, causing the both of you to finally have a mutual understanding of dating each other in private, mostly because she is not ready to come out of the closet.
You were lying on your bed, scrolling through twitter when you received a text from your girlfriend, telling you that she's right outside. You send her a quick response before quietly rushing out of your bedroom to sneak her into your house.
Daniela never fails to look amazing whenever she meets up with you. Sure, the latina always looks absolutely stunning even without much effort, but there's certainly something different every time she goes out to see you, and in a way, it gives you a sense of pride knowing that only you get to see her this way, and that maybe, just maybe, she puts in the effort to look good for you.
"Are you doing anything this Saturday?" The dancer looks at you expectantly as she laid on your lap, both of you resting comfortably on your bed. You had an exam on Monday that you really had to prepare for, but you decided to ask the dancer, "Do you have any plans in mind?"
"Mhm," She nods adorably, sitting up straight facing you, "I was wondering if you'd like to go to the movies with me," Daniela basically pleads with her eyes, "My friends have been raving about this one horror film, and I really really want to watch it. Please?"
Now seriously, how do you say no to that? Exactly, you don't.
After making plans with her, both of you cuddled on your bed with the latina being the small spoon. You spoke into her exposed neck, feeling the goosebumps immediately form around the area, "Dani, baby, it's midnight."
The blonde sighs before turning around to face you. She stares into your eyes before she wraps her arm on your waist holding you closer, and buries her face on your chest.
“I don’t care,” Daniela says, squeezing your body closer which you didn’t even think was possible. As much as you didn’t want her to go, you replied, “Tomorrow’s a school day, Dani, you have to go back home.”
The girl only grumbled in response so you continued, “Besides, my parents would freak out if they see a stranger’s car outside our house.”
Daniela finally separates her face from your chest, looking at you sheepishly, “But I’m not a stranger now, am I? Not with all the things I’m doing to their little princess,” she says, a smirk evident on her lips.
Your cheeks heat up at her words, choosing to ignore her insinuation, you said, “To them, you are a stranger, and I can’t exactly introduce you to them as my friend because that just feels wrong.”
You could see the pout forming on the latina’s lips and you wanted nothing more than to kiss it away. It seems as though Daniela read your thoughts because not even a minute later her hand brushes your cheeks before leaning into you, taking your lips in a slow kiss.
“Alright, I’ll go,” Daniela says, her lips still on yours, “I’ll miss you,” she utters.
You bite her bottom lip, urging her to kiss you once again, “Don’t be silly, we’ll see each other on campus.”
Daniela Avanzini is truly addictive—a girl like her is hard to let go of and you are certain that you are the luckiest person alive knowing that you get to call her your girlfriend, albeit not publicly. The mere knowledge that she likes you is enough.
However, it would be a lie if you said that it didn’t bother you: keeping your relationship secret. You were a private person yourself, but lov—liking Daniela feels like it isn’t enough; you feel the need to tell the world that you are hers.
You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her ex boyfriend, a famous jock in your highschool, and how public their relationship was. It wasn’t that you were jealous. No—but you sure feel envious of what they had.
How freely he could visit Daniela at her home, her family welcoming him with open arms. How he could easily tag along with Daniela’s friends when they hangout. How he was able to tell the whole school how much Daniela meant to him.
You weren’t jealous of him, but you envied what he had with Daniela. Because as much as the latina makes an effort to see you, it feels like the effort to hide you from her life was bigger.
Like how she barely acknowledges you at school, the way she makes an effort to go to campus at a ridiculously early hour just to slip a note in your locker so that no one would see her, how she would visit your home late at night and having to sneak her in. Although it hasn’t been long, she already means the world to you, and whenever your mind touches these thoughts, you can’t avoid the bitter feeling that grows in your chest.
But deep inside, you knew that Daniela was worth the wait. You don't know how much time she needs before she feels comfortable enough to let this secret out, but until then, you would settle for anything that the girl was ready to give.
Saturday rolls around and you could barely contain your excitement. It has been a while since you actually went out with Daniela; she only either sneaked into your room or she’d pick you up to sneak you into hers.
You find yourself overthinking about what to wear to your date with the blonde, not wanting to go overboard but also wanting to look pretty for the girl. You settled with a casual outfit that you were comfortable in, but tried to make an effort in your appearance by putting on some makeup.
Not long after getting ready, you received a text message from your girlfriend. You smiled at her words before typing in your response.
Double checking whether everything is in place, you gathered your stuff and headed out the house. As much as you were pretty introverted, your parents don't exactly question you as much when you leave because for the most part, they assume that you’ll be out singing at cafes.
When you arrived at the gas station, you could already see the striking red car of your girlfriend. Daniela spots you from the driver’s seat and immediately vacates her vehicle to greet you.
The blonde carefully studies your frame from your shoes til her eyes slowly reach yours, taking in your appearance, “You look amazing,” She said, seemingly breathless.
You’re sure that a pink tint has appeared on your cheeks as you feel them heat up at your girlfriend’s compliment mixed with her intense stare, “And you look beautiful, Dani, as always.”
The blonde steps into your personal space and wraps her arms around you, a hand reaching the back of your head, urging you to bury your face onto the crook of her neck.
“I missed you,” Daniela says as she plants a soft kiss on your temple, still holding onto you. You were grateful that she was practically shielding you from the world because it meant that you could hide the stupidly big smile on your lips, feeling both joyful and perplexed at the public display of affection coming from the latina. You truly prayed for times like this.
The mere action made you hopeful; perhaps things are finally about to change.
Little did you know, you were right—things were about to change, but not for the better.
The film that you watched was great. Sure, it was scary and you had a few jumps and shrieks which were embarrassing to say the least, but every time you did so, Daniela held you as close as possible, so you still considered it as a win.
As the movie ended, both of you made your way out of the cinema, “Dani,” you called out to the blonde, “I’ll just go to the bathroom real quick,” you informed her.
She nodded and said, “Alright, I’ll be waiting for you outside.”
As Daniela exited the cinema, she heard a familiar voice calling her, “Dani?” The latina freezed at her spot, trying to calm her nerves before turning around to face the girl who was already smiling widely at her.
“Hey Hailey,” the latina greeted her friend, feeling uncomfortable but trying her hardest not to let it show, “You watched the movie?”
The other blonde shook her head no, “We’re just about to watch it, but I thought I saw you leaving the cinema so I followed you just to be sure.”
“Why didn’t you say that you were going to go to the movies? We could’ve gone together!” Hailey said, then suddenly she squints her eyes at the latina, “Or are you here on a date? Oh my god Daniela, who are you with?”
Daniela tried to act nonchalantly, rolling her eyes at her friend’s excitement with a smirk on her face. She knew that you could come out any minute, and that there’s probably no way out of this situation so she tried her best to save her face.
“Oh god, you won’t even believe me if I told you,” Daniela said, a laugh laced with her tone, “I went with Y/N.”
“What?” Hailey looks surprised, “I didn’t know you two were friends?”
“We’re not,” Daniela laughs lightly, “It’s a bit of a long story so I’ll text you the details later, but yeah…” the girl trailed off, “She seems to admire me so I went with it, and in return I get free booze and food from her,” Daniela laughs.
Her friend widens her eyes before she laughs with her friend, “Oh my god, Daniela! You must be so bored with your life! That’s so funny though,” the girl laughs, “And really smart, damn.”
“Yeah,” The latina agrees, “You know how she sings at some cafes and bars?” Her friend nods, urging her to continue, “Well, let’s just say that I can confirm that the foods and drinks from those places are pretty good.”
Hailey was just about to reply to the other dancer when the pair spotted you exiting the cinema, cutting their conversation to a sudden end. You raised your gaze and your eyes met your girlfriend’s, then her friend’s who was looking at you with amusement in her eyes.
You almost stopped in your tracks knowing that Daniela never told her friends that she even knows you, but seeing the girl’s smile, you felt at ease and decided to approach the pair.
“Hey,” you said, nervously. “Oh my god,” Hailey says, “I have to go, the movie’s about to start.”
She locks eyes with the other blonde before saying, “I’ll catch up with you later, alright? Tell me everything.”
Both you and Daniela watched as the girl entered the cinema, and as she was no longer in sight, the blonde broke the silence, “Hey, you ready to go home?”
You met your girlfriend’s gaze, studying her face, unsure of whether you should ask her about Hailey or not, but decided against it, thinking that if she wants to talk about it, she’ll bring it up.
A small smile appears on your lips before you reply, “Yeah, let’s go.”
part 2 coming soon | main
#katseye#katseye daniela#daniela avanzini#daniela avanzini x reader#daniela avanzini imagines#katseye x reader#katseye imagines#maniac#wlw#manonsmartini
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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Lowkey hyperfixating now and I’ve come to the devastating conclusion that Jacob the main character of Water For Elephants… doesn’t really have a character arc
#or like#flaws#which is#bad?#like oh no that’s why every other character feels so much more 3 dimensional than him oops#so that puts a damper on my general opinion of the show#like oh no the book is missing the arc for its main character#I do wonder now if he had more of an arc in the book or the movie#but like#oh no the main character doesn’t have any character flaws#and like all the other characters are great marlena and august and fantastic#jacob is. a guy. he’s polish and he’s a vet and he’s sad. though honestly the sadness could have been more integrated into his character#like all the other characters got arcs at least a little#but jacob doesn’t really change throughout the story#which makes sense as to my thoughts yesterday that his and August’s relationship was under developed partially bc we really didn’t get#enough time seeing august actually coming to like jacob before he decides they’re besties nowbut also bc jacob is not very developed#in general#no actually he does have one flaw I can think of and that’s being Really Bad at pretending he and Marlena are not totally in love with each#other but that’s not like something he has to overcome it just kind of makes him look stupid cause the goal is not ‘get better at hiding#his feelings’ It’s ultimately ‘get away from august’ which like maybe that gets in the way of it but he doesn’t ever overcome his kinda#stupidity bc it’s not actually that plot relevant it just makes him seem annoying when he does that#I think I was too harsh in my opinion of grant gustin as jacob bc I’ve now realized it’s also the book’s fault#I’m hyperfixating and whenever I see a show I always have a lot of thoughts and now I’m hyperfixating in said show#still absolutely incredible though it’s definitely a new favorite but that part could be better#water for elephants#w4e#water for elephants musical#the heir speaks
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🙄🫠
#yk when i said i'm back to being active on tumblr well yeah 😅#i had to write a seminar paper for uni and it hasn't been going well because i got sick and didn't get much done#well i got an extension luckily but it still was a struggle the topic was just rly difficult to write about#i'm almost done now at least some 300 words i still have to write and then proofread and work on better formulating but yay#i should get it done today but yeah i'll manage so i'll be back when i'm done the latest tmrw#but seminar papers are for real my least favorite part of uni 😅 it's so time consuming and can be a real struggle ugh#i rather write an exam lmao#but anyway i needed to rant ://#my money got stolen 🙃😫#sometimes life just throws some shit at you ugh#like having to write this paper and not having a social life anymore isn't enougj#i don't know how it happened? i mean i don't know for sure but i can't explain it another way#like the money was in my wallet the day before yesterday and yesterday the whole day i didn't use my wallet qnd then it was gone??#maybe while i was at uni football but that's crazy it was not some public place but in a school gym lockerroom??#or maybe someone stole it from my backpack on the street idk?? but i didn't notice#but that was money i got for my birthday from my dad and aunts 😪#and i wanted to buy something nice with it and ig i will anyway but it sucks :((#it was not a little no i had 150€ in my wallet 😭 at least my credit cards are still there ig#but i realize now how stupid that probably was to carry so much money with but i thought it was safe fr#like i have lived in austria all my life and this never happened to me 😫 and it was not like i was walking around with my wallet openly#i mean i will be fine it would be a lot worse if that happened to someone who is just barely getting by but i'm still upset#and my mom told me that apparently it happened to a friend of her as well when she was in my city but like i never heard that before...#from any of my friends ... or maybe it really is that more dangerous with thieves in my uni city but like i wasn't aware#bc i mean in general austria is like a very safe country comparatively and feels like it never was on my mind#maybe it's horrible bad luck but in the future I will be careful to carry any cash with me 🙃
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did y'all know that apparently i'm a good dancer. who'd have thought
#i keep being told that irl lately#yesterday i kinda panicked from an assignment that requires awareness of my body and movement#(bc well. yknow how bodies are. esp when you're fat + trans + got chronic pains) (also i was off balance hormones wise)#and both our director and choreographer were surprised by that#they said that i seem to have very good control of my body and how to move it and such#which is funny bc ngl. i do not move much lol. i mean i used to barely get out of bed or off the couch before i joined this program#i didn't actually dance properly in years. in part bc my stamina is shit lmao 😭 which is also part of why i panic over this stuff#so. being told this stuff is 3 different types of distressing kinda#1 bc it catches me off guard 2 bc it changes my perspective of myself 3 bc i'm scared it'll develop expectations that i can't actually meet#anyway. been stressed by physical assignments and practices since i joined practically all the time#but i remember the first time i did i got praised for it. it was like. exaggerated acting like a silent film#and apparently i had enough control of my body to pull it off. again. who'd have thought#this is so weird this is a topic i rarely unpack bc i just assumed i lost all ability to dance or even control my body properly#and bc my body always feels like an enemy. so i usually don't even wanna try#but i'm going against my nature practically all the time these days bc i love theater and i love my group mates a lot. hm#anyway this was. a long and meaningless ramble#tomorrow we're working exclusively with our choreographer which doesn't happen much if at all so i'm a bit worried#i considered telling her i can't come but i feel like another day of rotting in bed won't do me any good 😭😭#vent#i guess. technically#letting out thoughts heh. this does help process shit i must admit
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#lmao my sibling was asking me questions yesterday and i was like yeah whatever blah and while on the treadmill i started thinking about what#they asked and my responses anyways long story short i think i’m depressed 💀#and it goes back to that god damn accident#which there was an update but it’s just that me ans 7 other ppl have to split the capped payout from the insurance 🧍♀️ so that’s cool they#only smashed the back of my car gave me a concussion memory problem insomnia anxiety depression slight ocd (w driving) back/shoulder pain#worse almost weekly if not daily headaches angry issues lost a lot of money from missing work and having to be part time dr bills hospital#bills an ultrasound bill that i have to pay out of pocket but couldn’t at the time but now that im finally full time again and have#finally managed my bills enough that i can this week finally pay it only x months later so financial instability money anxiety existential#crisis loss of self pushed back the weight loss progress lost a lot of money because of that over half a year of progress & money got the#weirdest sugar addiction after the accident haven’t gained weight but also haven’t lost any#lost any sense of motivation for work and hobbies lost work opportunities had to pause my going back to school but now i don’t even think i#wanna go back because what i wanted to study i can’t even be motivated about it#i thought i had an idea of who i was but now im not that i can’t be that i have to readjust my whole life to be what i can w what is here#except i’m 28 and wdym some person took everything from me and it’s been almost half a year since the accident and i still haven’t really#made any progress except for random memories that don’t really help me and honestly they just pmo because it’s not helpful#like yeah sure my back and shoulders don’t hurt as bad but now it have recurring pain while i didn’t have before so is it progress? like#in that time the most progress is that yesterday i realized that im probably depressed but i can’t afford a therapist rn so i just have to#keep repeating this nonsense until i can afford or i get the settlement money but most of that will go to said bills and the lawyer fees#again it’s capped and divided so yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 👍#anyways my silly little things will have to get me through this till i can actually get through this#but it’s fine it’s not like i had already gone to the therapist and had worked on these issues before and it’s not like i spent money on#that either to only be put back in that situation only worse lol def not in a cycle 🧍♀️
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pls just be wary of him he’s a lot older than you and that’s not always bad but the way he keeps giving you plushies is sending off warning bells from other stories i’ve heard. again not inherently bad, he sounds sweet and that’s probably all it is, but just make sure he doesn’t start making comments about how young you look or anything like that. i know you’ve said in the past that the age thing doesn’t bother you but you still wanna stay careful
This actually is the first thing he's given me that wasn't either food or something for work ahdkaksk it's not like a regular thing so no worries there. Also it was less bc it was a date and more bc my bday is in a week and I'm not gonna be seeing him until after so he just gave it to me now bc it was convenient lmaooo. I'm being careful tho, like I'm naturally sus of men especially bc of ✨ the trauma ✨ but I really don't think he's a bad dude
#not snz#if I'm wrong i literally will never entertain the thought of being with a man ever again#like there'd be no coming back from that i think lmao#but he's never said or done anything that would make me think he'd try anything weird#and after the conversation we had yesterday i know he's not just trying to fuck me#and it's pretty damn unlikely that he would ever want to considering all that#one of the reasons he was interested in me to begin with is that I'm fairly ace irl#and he's got his own reasons for not being interested in doing it so we're compatible there#anyway yeah the gift thing is the least of my concerns lmao#the only other things he's given me have been like medical supplies or something in that ballpark#my person has given me things tho so if you're thinking this isn't the first time then you're probably thinking of them#they send me a lot of plushies lmao#neither of us really have gift giving as a love language but when you live thousands of miles apart you work with what you've got#but yeah my person and my partner are two completely different people so idk of that caused any confusion#and just so nobody comes at me my person and i are not dating and have never dated bc of the distance#like yeah there's feelings there but unless one of us moves there will never be anything more than that#and we're both fine with that and actively seek out people to date irl so that's that on that lmao#oh and i did the math bc i mentioned my sister has an older bf a while back#she started going out with him when she was like 25/26 and he was like 38#so maybe it runs in the family LMAO#and we only share one parent so I'm laughing ahskaksm#partner posting
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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.
#guys can I be real for a sec#was texting my friend today and I casually mentioned I had probably developed a peach allergy#which is so depressing because I love peaches#but luckily I seemed to only be allergic to the fuzz on the outside#and my friend texted me 'I'll peel them for you'#and I think I died a thousand deaths at that#I told him that was one of the sweetest thing someone had ever told me and not to mind if I was getting emotional#and like it was chill after that we were havin a conversation on a completely different topic#but I don't think my friend really got how show-stopping jaw-dropping what he said to me was#and he's a chill guy so again I did tell him that was incredibly sweet because it's true and then we moved on#but I feel like I still need to scream at him in the face because my poor beating heart who is not casual at all about friendships#is going mad#these days especially I am rethinking a lot about my friendships and in general baout my human relationships#saw a friend I didn't see in a while a couple of days ago on a better night that I could have hoped for#spent yesterday night thinking about the words another friend told me#and now this guy it has relatively recently hit me how close we have grown. Like I recently realized I misremembered our relationship#and that we have been closer than I thought for longer than I thought#and today he hit me with this and he's chill but I am not and I kinda wanna send him that fucking post 'would you peel an orange for me'#I've had squishes more intense than your favourite romance books#I need to be hospitalised now because people care about me and like me and trust me. By people I mean my friends. Who'd have thought.
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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my parents want my little brother, who has had a fever no lower than 100 F for the past 2-3 days, to go to school tomorrow
#status update#i'm gonna try and tell them why that's stupid#they took him to the doctor but the doc just said he had a cold#well I'm concerned with how badly his body is fighting it off!!!#plus they didn't give him any medicine all day#i gave him some before I left for work and after I got home#his fever is still 102#i don't understand their thought process whatsoever#like yeah school is imoortant but so is#A: not spreading illness!!!!!!#B: actually being able to focus in class because you feel good and not like shit#he even said that he'll probably be sent home anyway BECAUSE HE'S SICK#the issue I think is mainly he doesn't have a lot of symptoms#he said his throat felt “gummy” which no one - not even himself - can make heads or tails of#his stomach hurts and he threw up pretty recently#and his vision dimmed a few times but my mom doesn't really believe that one#I tried looking up the symptoms but it just said “eat a turkey sandwich” so thanks for that google#I don't know#i'm just worried about him#and I think it's stupid my parents want him to go to school when even by their standards he has such a bad fever#by the standards bit I mean they consider 100 F to be “low grade” even though 104 is danger territory#and that's just a hop skip and a jump away#AND ALSO HE IS LITERALLY ON THE PRECIPICE OF THAT RIGHT NOW#AND THEY DIDNT GIVE HIM ANY TYLENOL#he was home all day what did they even do#they also didn't give him medicine yesterday until I got home from my ap test#OKAY I'm done ranting I'll be here all night if I keep it up
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying
#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too#i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as#a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done#putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning#this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks#everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from#recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's#science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said#and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life#breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful#things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to#restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of#this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the#except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you#have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him#and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met.#tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most#extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going.#you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another#phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts.#i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know.#i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied.#you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up#i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.
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