#like I obviously don't want them to die
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We're one day away from Jack & Joker ending and I just want to say that whatever happens to Hope & Save better happen to both of them. Like if one dies, the other better as well. And if one lives, the other must live too.
For better or worse babes. For better or worse.
#jack and joker#Jack & Joker#Jack and Joker the series#hopesave#savehope#like I obviously don't want them to die#but if one dies they both must die#or I will never recover#SAVE IS DOING ALL OF THIS FOR HOPE AND HOPE ONLY#they must be together in the end no matter what#please @ god#regular Clyde
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“oh the gods are bad the gods are bad” i actually realized i dont give a fuck. crazy concept i actually realized i do not give a fuck lmaooo. people have lived not liking or worshipping the gods for so many fucking years its actually CRAZY like people honestly just go about their day to day lives. they believe or they don't! big whoop! they just care about the price of milk and if the world isn't ending!!
#average exandrian citizen here with the weather report: it is raining fire which i don't like and eggs are 9$ a pack. pls fix this first#where will i go when i die? don't care! hopefully not the hells! i don't worship but my friend does and that makes them happy.#but none of us like corrupt chruch officials! lets take them down#but first i want to enjoy my weekend off from working in the fields because again; i am a NORMAL CITIZEN WITH NORMAL PROBLEMS#can we just agree we need to stop ludinas and end the fucking squabbling? STAY AWAY FROM A DIVINITY DEBATE.#its interesting but not the time! every time we indulge it again its counter productive#obviously i am loving this and having so much fun and am super into the choices the players are making! they're doing a fantastic job#i'm just being a bitch lmao#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#campaign 3#cr3#andis thought geyser
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we went over the 14yr long torture session in my last therapy visit actually, and i told her that toward the end i was fantasizing about and then actively considering walking into traffic because if i got catastrophically injured then they would have to treat my pain. and she told me that's not an uncommon thing for people to do. that she has heard that many times before.
like think about that. we are so moralistic about drug use and have politicized a particular type of medicine so much, and doctors are so uncompassionate toward and even suspicious of patients who are in pain because of it, that it's NOT UNCOMMON for people who are otherwise not suicidal to start completely genuinely longing to get hit by a fucking car just for the chance to be oh so graciously provided the absolute bare fucking minimum of care.
think about how many different things have pain as a symptom. how many things have pain as the only symptom the patient is aware of. how many of them are life or death crises. heart attacks. blood clots. strokes. bleeding ulcers. those are just what i can think of off the top of my fucking head, AND I'M NOT A FUCKING DOCTOR.
what i had, for example, feels exactly like appendicitis. and they left it for fourteen years because my only symptom was excruciating pain and i didn't fit their stupid little (completely unsupported by evidence, btw) diagnostic mnemonic. if it had been appendicitis, or anything else as immediately deadly that "just" hurts, i would have fucking died the same night i got sent home from the emergency room with "medical" "advice" to take some tylenol and rest - for the first time, that is. out of dozens. how many people do die that way?
because addicts are Bad. and because doctors are too arrogant and biased to practice medicine on the basis of evidence and informed consent when the profit model and conservative propaganda make it soooo easy to stay in the good old days of paternalism instead.
#jack facts#medical#soc#i want to tag this ''opioid crisis'' but i truly don't think i can manage to type it without the quote marks lmao#and like my thing and none of the things i mentioned are fixable via opioids obviously and fucking obviously i know that#but the fucking circus about opioid use and how prescribing opioids Must be avoided at All Costs No Matter What#results in this Us vs Them mentality of The Treacherous Drug Seeker vs The Nurse/Doctor Too Smart To Be Fooled#which is precisely why i said in my last post that they're ''like cops''#they have this perception that they are being constantly rushed by the lying swindling Enemy#and are so smug about it when they believe they have magically divined when someone reporting pain is faking or exaggerating#based on whatever the fuck they individually have decided is Drug Seeking Behavior TM TM TM#which are almost fucking always just normal fucking behavioral responses to pain and fear!!!!#and then that person is not a Patient (as cops are to Victim) they are instead an Addict (as cops are to Criminal)#and that person not only does not get pain relief they don't get anything the god damn fuck else either except a fucking attitude#and people fucking die. of whatever is hurting in the first place or from their endurance for endless torment running out.#disproportionately women and people of color and fat people and the mentally ill and disabled and the poor and children and the elderly and#nurses/doctors 🤝 cops 🤝 soldiers 🤝 ceos 🤝 mass murderers who are socially celebrated for heroism#not to put too radical and fine a point on it or anything lol#ANYWAY#i'll probably delete this or at least the tags lmao#whatever. i'm going to go lie in bed and have symptoms until 6 am when i have to get up to go be retraumatized at the medical lab :)#neglect#drug use#suicide#car crash#illness#ask to tag
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Idk how about you but for me personally every vampire is ace until said otherwise
And Shilo aroace because yeah
Idk, i just wanted to share)
#jrwi#jrwi show#just roll with it#the suckening#I like when i have the reason to make characters ace#i don't actually need this reason obviously#but like sometimes i like that#and vampires is one of them#EVEN EDWARD TWILIGHT#even if this fucking idiot is having sex or romantic relationships it's some power thing for him#or something weird like FUCK I'M SOOO HANDSOME everyone wants me#and everyone will love oh yes and everything will be about meee oh I'm so hot and handsome and smart blah blah blah#oh man i hate him so much)))#WHEN WILL HE DIE WHEEEEN#STAKE HIM BURN HIM DRAWN HIM
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They fucking did it again those bastards. Jason Todd fucking dies 2: Electric Boogaloo. Fuck it, let's go for a threepeat at this point. It'll be funny as hell.
#tuesday spoilers#jason todd#in all seriousness though like...what the hell#I'm not even a Jason superfan. I like him but I'm not like INVESTED in the way I am with Steph's stuff#but I am so upset on y'all's behalf. Damian and Jason have gotten so thoroughly fucked over by Zdarsky.#And not even in a way that makes narrative sense or is the logical conclusion to their character flaws#it really is the 'X is the best Robin disease so fuck everyone who isn't them'. Tim is Zdarsky's fave so these other guys need to fuck off#Update: Jason is not dead. which is somehow even worse#because it means they wrote a fake-out death for a character who's defining thing is that he totally actually died#and now they're having a character who LITERALLY DID DIE THAT IS HIS WHOLE THING have a fakeout death#why couldn't it be Dick? Or Tim? Or Damian?#Obviously it wouldn't be Cass or Steph or Duke because Zdarsky doesn't even pretend to care about them#but a Tim fake-out would make sense because Zdarsky is actually really good at writing Tim's whole 'I am Batman's caretaker/keeper' thing#so having Tim 'sacrifice himself' to protect Bruce would make sense and it would also fit with how he's characterized#and because (credit where it's due) Zdarsky is good at writing Tim it would probably be at least interesting if not straight up good#and a Damian fake-out would have made sense to do a while ago because it makes sense logistically and would have#allowed Zdarsky to take him out of the story. which imo is preferable to writing him poorly. it also would have raised the stakes#I'm opposed to a Dick fake-out because like...nah. we've gotten so many of those and I don't want to be reminded of Ric if I can avoid it#but it would have been better than fake killing the guy who DIED FOR REALSIES AND IT'S HIS DEFINING EVENT#Damian also died for realsies but IDK if that's been retconned and also it's not literally his whole thing#Damian is a Robin who died but he is not THE Robin who died
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Before I went to bed I saw the Youtube notif that TADC was going to Netflix and it INVADED my dreams so vividly I have not had such an episodic sequential serialized cohesive dream in months it was literally its own chapter its own short story
#I was Pomni it was literally Pomni POV#Caine had cooked up some sporty adventure and I was like Ummm...... no#So I found a glitch where I could hide in a technically out-of-bounds area#I had a theory that if I stayed super close to the ground I wouldn't be in the range of Caine's mod powers or whatever#Some random girl was w me I don't think she was important#Anyways I started thinking “This could hurt. When they leave#the map will not have to exist.”#I'd be crushed by the nonexistence of the area I'm in. When they come back I'll load in somewhere slightly different#and be stuck in the walls."#DIDN'T HAPPEN everything was OK#But at some point I was like man... sure is boring and scary. Sure wish my friends were here.#So I ended up finding them anyway LMAO#I told them what happened cuz they were obviously concerned and Caine got his feelings hurt???#Like. surprising moment of clarity. Everyone was shocked and uncomfortable.#Bro was like “I try so hard for U guys 🥺 I just don't get it. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to stay home??”#Most everyone was like IDC UR OUR JAILER!! CRY ABT IT!! but me and Ragatha were coerced into pity...#Like yeah whatever. Sorry man. I'll be honest next time and not do things that could make me die. I think we were just caught off-guard.#Exchanging glances like “Wow... didn't know he could feel anything!” Like imagine if ur Furby just had an emotional outburst#and felt remorse abt it. WYD.#I think we held his hands or sum cuz all my dreams end like a Barbie movie#Episode ended and I was like Wow :) Great show#Sorta off-topic but the cafeteria today started playing very quiet carnival music for Hoco and I literally felt chills up my back cuz#I had been thinking abt Pommy all day...#I used to be enraptured by clown motif what happened#Did I throw it up#For the best...... for the best.
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#it kind of feels like im falling behind my peers#it feels like all of them are in a relationship or just got out of a relationship or might be in a relationship soon#and theres just me sitting here like yeah i like this guy#im never gonna have the courage to do anything about it#because why would i bother when i know im going to get rejected#i just wish i could die sometimes#i know this is something so trivial to be this worked up over#but im just so sick of it all#sometimes i wonder if im just unlovable#im just#idk#i just want someone to love me and i want to stop feeling like im falling behind and don't belong#but since that obviously wont happen ill settle for dying#seems like the best course of action to me#dont mind me yall#just a load of garbage#btw irls this is not your fault just making sure u know#cos i know some of you would blame yourself
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love this shot. it's like mike is inviting them into his mind/game ("alright, wheeler, i think we found your hub") + max and dustin are the ones who step into frame. i am staring at the implications
#with the dustin death foreshadowing#possibly the two party members who dived in recklessly despite the risk and proceeded to pay the price#lucas was wary#el came in pre-traumatised from how dangerous it is#will obviously went through All That and became traumatised about it#dustin was like HEY I'LL PLAY and max was like WHY WON'T YOU LET ME PLAY#and then they die#because it's not a game which is what mike is constantly talking about in s2#it's not dnd it's real life he's from the upside down maybe he should be dead it's the brain if we kill it we kill everything it controls#brings it full circle to mike being willing to sacrifice himself for dustin too#he'd choose any of them over himself#these two are the ones reckless enough to show why it's a reasonable choice to make#it could be viewed as a necessity when you're inherently dangerous and you're friends with blind risk takers like max and dustin#who get themselves killed because you failed in all attempts to do the same#if you make the audience love these characters and then kill them#then asking if killing mike is worth it becomes a weighted question#because we love max and dustin. we don't want them to die. neither does mike#nancy didn't want barb to die#joyce didn't want bob to die#max DID want billy to die which is a whole other beast#but his dad sure didn't#everyone matters to someone and mike has decided that everyone else matters more than him#as long as you ignore max and dustin and karen all losing their minds when he's in mortal danger and possibly dead#it's all so complex and yummy i want to EAT it#anyway#cool shot 👍#st posting#manifestation theory
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my mrd ocs Gossamer (rat) and Glass (heart), aka "Sad Rat Dead"
"Gossamer is dead… right? Glass, their heart that's falling apart, isn't so sure, because even though the despondent rat has given up and gone ghostly, their heart is still beating. While Gossamer has accepted their death, Glass doesn't want to give up the ghost just yet. They urge Gossamer out of their cage to find a way to regain corporeality, and together they learn what it takes to want to keep living."
"C'mon, Gossamer! Don't you at least have a final wish for your last day?" "I don't know... I don't think I do..." "Well then... let's live long enough to find one, okay?"
#mrd#mad rat dead oc#mrd oc#mad rat dead#general oc tag#glass isn't fully developed yet design wise; id rather them be easier to draw and this broken design isnt very good yet. idk#generally their entire shtick is that gossamer is the ''depression and acceptance'' part of grief and glass is ''denial and bargaining''#obviously we don't need anger because mad rat exists already hfkhd#it probably plays like a roguelite version of mad rat dead because gossamer doesnt have the reversing time mechanic (since it requires-#(gossamer to ask their heart to want to relive their final day; which they don't really care about. but glass wants to!!)#they learn more about each other as the story goes on and understand each other's way of thinking and help each other grow.#very big allegory for living with depression. like its not even subtextual; Gossamer very much has debilitating depression.#i think its an interesting parallel to mrd! rat struggling to live his last day on earth learning to accept his death in the end#and then a rat waiting to die on their last day on earth learning how to want to live again.#i think the story's bound to be very cheesy but hey; it's mad rat dead after all hgkjh#my favorite color is queue
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need a private tumblr to be an outlet for feelings had while activisming
#look. i know how to do things effectively i'm telling ya#but it's gonna take a whole bunch of ranting to get there first#and something inherent about activism that's actually effective is taking on care for other people's emotions#who are doubtless in much worse situations than me! but at the same time i have feelings and traumas that get triggered#and i have things i need to process and sort through in order to do my imperfect best. when you're in desperation you want more and i can't#blame you for that. but harm reduction also involves optimisation in a sense of how much harm i can personally reduce#and exposure to some things actually REDUCES that and i need to have somewhere to hold space for my emotions processing it#so i either decide fuck it and just post it here and know people are gonna get hurt from the insensitivity and there's no use explaining#unfortunately i have a suicidal ideation trigger at someone being in need and not being able to help them. maybe i can post about that?#somewhere in the limbo of this is not 'okay' per se but the best i can do is better than nothing. we all come together to stand up#against oppressors and shit. but there's emergency aid needed and it really does make me want to die very very quickly#which obviously i cannot get a job and actually help if I do. as in more than unemployment levels of generosity help#and while i can rattle on and on a bit about how our need for aid has the markings of capitalism (need for constant growth/supply)#it's not the fault of people trapped in that who don't have any other way out#sometimes i need to step back and find ways I CAN simplify my life in community to have more to be able to give when needed#because i can't do that for other people but i can for myself#and then i sound self righteous for doing it so i can be generous? so i can not feel helpless and want to die? there's no winning#i am the person who sees someone complain and thinks i immediately need to fix it for them. there's a good chance i will always be#and then i won't realise it but the empathy is the thing that's keeping me depressed and frozen but keeping me alive as well#and honestly i've lived like that for years. i don't have anything but my sometimes pitiful activism to like. enjoy life or whatever#and i do what i always do. one step in front of the other. pray for provision. choose between therapy and donation why am i so caught#up in that? problem solve. what are the needs and what are the other ways of solving them? share it to facebook? i don't know#i'll get there but i really need a job and i need to get a bit better so i can work. that day is gonna come it's just. the meantime sucks
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Honestly though, this (what Ashe is pointing out) is exactly why I don't think GW could possibly end well. There's no "talking it over" after all the bloodshed (especially bloodshed started by them, and especially bloodshed started by them that didn't have to happen).
The way the narration leaves it "open" too at the end of GW just comes across as "it failed". It feels like... a kind of pointless story?
And I know some people might think that since Dimitri personally isn't as deeply affected by losing Matthias and so might be willing, that's still no good if his people and closest allies aren't. Rodrigue and Sylvain wouldn't be so forgiving, and I do think Dimitri would follow suit because that's his father (Rodrigue)'s closest friend and one of his own closest friends' father.
Add that to the fact that they have Sreng to deal with still (and I imagine sooner or Sylvain would figure out that Leicester had a hand in provoking Sreng to attack Faerghus) on top of losing Matthias and I imagine all the stress and aggravation wouldn't bode well for Leicester as far as Claude's thinking of things working out goes.
I just really can't see where GW goes afterward that would be "good" or works in Claude's favor at all. Maybe that was the intention and it was meant to be a route with a completely tragic ending, but apparently there are players who think it would end well and whatnot and I just can't see that happening (both from Faerghus' end and from Adrestia's end, the latter of which Claude discussed within GW itself).
If their intention was for a totally tragic ending, like yeah, I can see that... but as always the writing muddies the waters to make it sound good while something bad is happening. It keeps trying to have a positive spin on bad things as if they're just afraid to commit to a fully bad ending.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#also to be specific the reason I just call Rodrigue his father outright is bc he refers to him as a “second father” in Houses#but I'm not gonna literally write “his second father” every time I mention it and honestly “adoptive father” doesn't work for me either#bc him being an adoptive sort of parent doesn't make the fact that he /is/ a parent to him any less valid#like a parent is a parent and I don't feel the need to point that out and the feeling is mutual between them#if Rodrigue is literally calling him ''my boy'' it's a pretty cut and dry parent/child relationship#obviously I'm using Houses context in this case but it's still accurate in Hopes#and I just can't see losing Matthias going over smoothly at all and things getting better with time#I mean Matthias is such a major player in Faerghus and so important that I just can't see them being like#well it was only /one/ important bigwig who died. like no it was one important bigwig saving a whole lot of lives#who is also very intelligent and has a deep say in politics. that's ofc not counting#as Ashe says here in AM in reference to Adrestia that they've killed so much on both sides bc of the war#that he can't imagine just sitting and talking now. just because we as players only saw one named character die#and just because that character wasn't a playable character nor a returning character we already knew and loved#doesn't mean hundreds if not thousands more didn't die in Leicester's invasion#like Ashe says here I just don't see how both sides could sit and talk after all that#esp since Sylvain would prob be involved and uh... Sylvain is... a very emotional and angry person#and extremely vengeful (and they rly leaned into that side of him in Hopes in all routes)#I canNOT imagine talks with him involved not getting heated and aggressive#and he'd /have/ to be there bc he's the Margrave now in GW. if they want to have important talks like that#they need all their major players which like even if Felix say wasn't there#Rodrigue has basically equal authority as Felix bc Rodrigue has the respect of experience and has proven himself#so they could be swapped out for talks and Felix being the ''official'' Duke wouldn't affect talks in the least#if Rodrigue was/had to be present instead. with Sylvain you've either got no other options#or you've got Miklan who I can't imagine would want to even get involved with all of that#both bc of his mixed feelings on Matthias but also bc he's been out of the political atmosphere for so long#so yeah I uh... can't... see talks ever going well unless Claude legitimately makes amends somehow#or Houses Claude gets in there smacks him around and fixes some shit before heading back to his own verse lol
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how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?
Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭
#not snz#i fucking hate it here#I've sneezed a few times but not much#mainly just coughing#super sniffly tho#also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao#also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room#like i don't want anyone to perceive me#like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad#but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know#like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone#but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh#so yeah we literally just hung out in the car#lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill#and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao#various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo#also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times#ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything#like we were being as careful as we could#also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently#he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough#and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess#but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao#but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo#anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao#I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao
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The ignorance of people on this site will always confuse me. How are you on THE gay platform and you refuse to think that people can have different lives and circumstances than you LMAOO
#like what???#Wdym because you've never heard of it#seen it#or experienced it#it automatically means that doesn't happen and it's not a valid thing??#Oh no! People have different lives! Omg!#This is in terms of this anti-military post I was on#And people were all agreeing that yeah no as soon as someone tells me they're in the military I want them to die and I immediately#hate them#I don't even like the military but if you hear THAT and automatically think omg they kill people i hate them#Like do you just not have the capacity to understand a situation b4 u jump to conclusions#Tumblr users are chronically online I swear#I don't even like the military#I hate the military#But if someone says yeah I'm in the military I'm not going to be like#omg you're an evil fucking person and i hate you now#unless they start spouting military propaganda and obviously think serving is a great thing#Omg and this one person was denying the fact that they're privileged because they aren't poor enough to have ever felt like joining the#military#nor have they ever been forced to join the military#And they were like#I used to eat bowls of caned corn when i was a teen cause there was nothing left to eat!#bitch i was homeless#you're more privileged than me#and someone else is more privileged than you#that's how privilege works dumbass#*canned#I swear tumblr users fight to hell and back to SWEAR they set the status quo#ur existence compared to billions of others is not that important i assure you
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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My friends: Just so you know, Star Wars kinda has a lot of characters with plot armor! I hope you're ok with that...
Me: I am a comics fan, you have no idea the amount of plot armor I will happily tolerate.
#'omg Ahsoka doesn't die from xyz omg plot armor!!!!!' shut the fuck up I like it when characters live/die in thematic ways rather than#'because it would be realistic for the space opera show to have the alien girl fall to her death here because uhhh realism or something'#even ASOIAF which is known for killing characters has major characters live through shit they shouldn't in order to die#in more thematic ways later on. 'Nah it would be more realistic for Jon to die of exposure instead of as a result of all of the choices#he has made (good and bad) that leads to a single moment of narrative excellence wherein everything comes to a head'#or because they are needed as characters whereas others have either outlived their purpose or it makes thematic sense for them to die#'omg plot armor!!! Bran survives being pushed off a tall building!! this is bad because a cinemasins-knockoff said so!!'#I like plot armor actually. Imagine if fucking Erika Slaughter died in like issue 5. Or Bruce/Batman died for realsies.#obviously there's a limit but if you want a story where your characters aren't in any danger maybe don't watch/read stuff with battles
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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