#like I literally couldn’t move
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oh man today has not been a good day lmao
#I stay silly!!!#but what the fuck!!!#I wake up after having weird dreams#idk what drawfee and chappell roan and a party have to do with anything#but okay???#I had trouble getting to sleep too#and ugh#anyway!! I wake up and immediately my neck and shoulders hurt way more than they usually do#for some reason I decide laying my head in a weird way is an okay thing to do in response to that#except it totally isn’t because when I tried to get up it made it worse#like I literally couldn’t move#I was very close to tears about it#very close#and then once that settles I have to do dishes#which is just… it’s fine but it’s not a task I like doing especially when I’m already feeling like shit#and then my plan/timeline gets thrown off bc my mom decides to clean the drains#and so then dyeing yarn gets delayed#(the black yarn I need for this commission wasn’t black enough)#but only by like half an hour so fine whatever#I dye the yarn and that went kinda fucky#like it worked but it was finicky and i got shit tangled at one point#but again! I got it sorted and it all turned out okay!!#but that took a couple hours to untangle shit and rewind it only to unwind it again and then blow dry it#aka way fucking longer than I wanted#and then I finally finish crocheting one out of two of the things#and I hate it. tried something new and it didn’t work and so I had to frog it#and ideally I’d have this done by Wednesday but idk man#I didn’t dye enough yarn either so I’m gonna have to do that tomorrow#and I also don’t have enough t-shirt scraps to use as stuffing#ALL THE WHILE MY STUPID NECK AND SHOULDERS STILL HURT!!!!
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cat-sitting, very literally (aka the cats & I are sitting on this damn couch the whole weekend through bc I for sure am not going to bother their sleep)
#literally I sit down and 5mins go past and one of them will have made my lap their nap place for the next 3 hours#these fuckers are clingyyy#(they’re my family’s cats & I’ve moved out years ago so obv dont see them as much as I did when I lived at home)#(but I can call them fuckers bc that’s my right as one of their ppl they’re tyrannical monsters but we love em)#also I finished a book solely bc I couldn’t get up (bc cat on me) so like cats are very good for improving ur focus#bookblr#booklr#studyblr#aesthetic#december 2024#2024
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i don’t think what any of them did was that serious so i’m not like mad at him or anything but i think the way people talk about art challengers is so ridiculous bc literally if art was a woman nobody would be hesitating to call him vindictive and manipulative and a bad friend for the initial part he played in spreading discord in tashi and patricks relationship even if it was JUST petty shit when they were young. and then dropping patrick cold turkey for TEN YEARS when patrick didn’t even DO anything to HIM! like even under the interpretation a lot of these people seem to have that patrick and art were IT and tashi is just extra or unnecessary. like okay. IF that’s true he sucks even more?? dropped his best friend for a woman he didn’t even love? come on now. but they won’t commit to that either! so we just gotta pretend art is the perpetual victim and he has glass bones and paper skin and every day he wakes up and breaks his arms and every night he breaks his legs. WHOLE time art was in that movie inventing saw traps for HIMSELF hoping tashi and patrick would play jigsaw for him. don’t piss me off!!!
#like ‘tell me you’re gonna leave me if i don’t win tomorrow’ LITERALLY WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT#and then he couldn’t even invent a good one. bc it wasn’t until patrick threw it in his face that he even MOVED#crazy insane people#challengers
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getting all the education/degrees I can and planning so I can get the fuck out of this country >>>>
#🪷—faerie whispers#because I still don’t like these fucking ppl#done all that yip yapping in my ask box and these ppl still suck#idec who wins#I want out of this hellhole. bc were cooked either way#everybody voting for the wrong reasons anyways so who gives a fuck#I’ve been saving and I plan to get one more degree before I leave#I’ve been heavily considering Japan or Germany#there really isn’t shit here for me#ppl always say ‘wont you have to deal w racism/colorism?’#a cop yelled at me to move my truck out in front of a store even tho I’m on a cane and couldn’t walk far#black men literally have been ignoring and treating me like shit for my entire life since elementary school#trust me when I say nothing could be worse than what I’ve gone through#I’m ready to leave#we have no future under a capitalist society#and a government that no matter what prioritizes war and profit over ppl’s lives#I have no intelligent words for this#I’m truly tired#and for all the dumbasses who were pissed off at me for what I said in august#stay mad bc I have nothing for y’all either#y’all owe Palestinians an apology#they’re the main ones suffering from this ignorance#and we’re next
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ocd is weird bc I definitely still have it, I just got really good at identifying it and shutting it down. Like I was taking down a gross medical sticker on my wall that for some reason I stuck up there last year, and my brain was like “no don’t do it. You’ll die if you do that” so I put it back on and my brain was like “or…maybe life will get way better if you take if off. And if you leave it life will get worse. Want to make that choice” and I was like really stumped over it, then suddenly I was like ohhhhh ocd you tricky devil… and tore the sticker off. I go thru this exact experience about thrice a week.
#ocd#Just a peek into my twisted mind……#Jokes aside ik this probably still sounds weird and mentally ill#But trust me on this#It’s way better than it sounds#At least comparatively#Back in 2020 I literally didn’t piss for 2 days because I thought pissing would cause the world to end#Like me at 15 was legit contemplating suicide bc it got to a point where I couldn’t even move#Without being convinced it would end the world#So all I could do was just lay in bed and I couldn’t grab my phone either bc that would also end the world I guess#Couldn’t blink freely had to do like one blink two fast blinks one slow blink#Damn just remembering how much it tormented me before I got a handle on it is actually pissing me tf off Wtf#Fuck ocd I fucking hate ocd#I’m so glad I outsmarted it#Shit was easy too#Bc the way my ocd worked was it was just completely spontaneous#There were certain patterns especially w numbers (like I couldn’t interact w the numbers 6 or 4)#But for the most part it was just whatever my brain decided was bad in that exact moment#Which was why it got as bad as it did so quickly#But that was also why I was able to go “ok well if I obey any compulsion all my fears will come true”#And that WORKED#IT WORKED FUCKING PERFECTLY#SO FUCKING DUMB#who even needs therapy I’m fucking Mr. Mental health. Fuck uou#tw compulsions#tw ocd#tw sui mention#< sui mention is in tags
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A collection of WIPs from the Feligami Fic, now titled: “Roses of Blue”
I have no reason to be in misery because I wrote this. Yet, here we are. Why am I here just to suffer?
I kinda lost the plot a little because the election results has turned my family into a battleground and the best way to deal with daddy issues is NATURALLY to project them onto your morally gray blorbo of choice and use them to write fanfiction.
So its sort of become more of a Felix character study, with feligami elements because I really like writing in his head. Specifically, a lot of musings on his relationships with people: Kagami, Adrien, Amelie, Emilie, and regrettably Colt.
I’m hoping to get this fanfiction out within the next week or two.
#feligami#miraculous ladybug#felix graham de vanily#I am a firm believer that Emilie and Amelie are both good moms trying their best#Emilie would accept Felix into her home no questions asked#And if Gabriel gave her shit for it#she just wouldn’t care because that’s her sisters baby#and twins are like that#im also a twin#we’re twin sisters and if she ever had a child#I would protect and love them as if they were mine#no questions asked#Amelie wanted to do the same for Adrien but literally couldn’t#because her house was not a safe place#Id like to think that’s why Amelie moved to live with Adrien for season 6.#to repay her sister for the love she gave Felix#writing this fic made me realize how soft I am for the gdv twins#anyway sorry for the megamind reference#I just had to do it#and the doof “if I had a nickel reference#I had to do#the other statue of Gabriel is his grave btw#I headcanon that’s why the Emilie statue is gone at the end of s5#it’s at Gabriel’s grave#next to a statue of him
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idk if it’s ✨internalised homophobia✨ or what, but…sometimes I feel so, idk, ashamed?? of being a lesbian. and I know that sounds horrible but also it’s hard to picture myself comfortable being vocal about it. everytime it comes up in convo I just either blank and don’t mention it or just get really awkward.
#ramblingeyes#…idk man#like one time in class I was talking to another girl and she mentioned her girlfriend and then quickly added (like she had to explain to me)#‘‘I’m gay’’ while I was sitting there with two literal lesbian flag stickers (a dinosaur and a book) on my laptop#and I couldn’t even say anything#I was like ohh cool! and then we moved onto talking about the project#like idk#and idk if any of this makes sense#but anyway#I just wish I could be braver about this#and not feel so ashamed#masc lesbian
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Jackie realizing she’s gonna have to take care of shauna and jeff’s ghost baby
#🐇#yellowjackets#truly it’s so interesting to me how much better this season is than the first that literally never happens for me#the current timeline is finally getting interesting. Jeff is still the best part#love how fast misty took to being a cult that is so her™️#Jackie liking poppies is interesting to me both in the Jackie is gay camp and also you know the whole thing with wizard oz and her death#the ending was so fucking depressing I need a nap now#like I’m so happy they didn’t eat the baby that would have been so incredibly cheap but glad to finally have answers#like do we think shauna was dreaming or had she temporarily crossed over because like where was Jackie and the French dude#I’d say it would make sense that Lottie could be there somehow#idk it reminded me a lot of Jackie’s death of course so I have many questions#I will say the cop story line is pretty stupid like no fucking way is any of this legal and also let’s kill that creep cop shauna#I will help you girl I will drive the get away car#I was also like wondering awhile ago if Lottie’a camp is near where the plane crash was#and my best friend and I were like no there’s no way and then they tell us it’s in New York so like possibly close to the boarder?#I tried looking up cherry hill but I couldn’t find anything idk it’s probably totally unlikely and they just also happen to be in the woods#I didn’t get a preview for next week is there a preview? idk#my complaint this week is where is Jackie lmfao where is her ghost why wasn’t she in sex ed give me something I’m not ready to move on!!!!
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i tried. i rlly rlly tried to hold it back but,,,, GUYS IM IN LOVE WITH BEOMGYU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😫😫😭🥹🥹😭🥲🥲😆🫠🫠🤭😭🙄😭😭😭
#SHOW THIS TO JAKE IDC ANYMORE I CANT TAKR OT#IVE BEEN HOLDING IT IN FOR TOO LONG#I CANT TWKE IT ANYMORE#IM GOING FERAL#i never stopped loving him 🥺#beomgyu is like the ex you never moved on from while jake is the current guy you’re with and it’s so ZkdskndJJjdjs#dk if you can tell but i have a rlly hard time moving on 🫠🫠#stream deja vu guys#cuz i’ll be busy streaming quarter life 🥲🥲🥹😭😭😭🥹😭🥲🥲#also this video is for me to play on loop cuz this is literally beomgyu’s best line in all of existence#BIGHIT NEEDS TO GIVE HIM MORE LINES SO MORE PPL CAN LISTEN AND APPRECIATE HIS BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS JAW DROPPING HEAVENLY VOICE#also yes ik hyuka is in the rest of the audio too ok i just couldn’t cut it off there 😭#this song is too good T-T#choi beomgyu is too good T-T#em speaks#not enhypen
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GGS TEAM PAST!!!
#DUUUDE THIS WAS SO FUN#dreadful#veji#art#splatoon#splatoon 3#grand festival#grand fest splatoon#Man I shed like a few tears by the end of the reveal news thing#Like not out of sadness cause my team lost but just from the joy that all this happened and I was here for it.#I never got to experience splatoon 2’s final fest so I’ve waited 3 years for this and I’m…. Just so happy!#If you couldn’t tell from the colours in the drawing I’m team future btw#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING#Oh and I guess I should put my reasoning for my pick of future#so here it is:#I picked it because the future scares me. But it’s gonna happen anyway so I might as well look forward to it#I can’t let myself worry about where I’ll end up and who I’ll be when I’m older#But I do need to keep looking forward#I also chose it cause of deep cut. Like that was a big factor in my choice#Their music shaped my tastes. I just love it so much#And sure the characters themselves aren’t as fleshed out as the other idols#But they still mean a lot to me as splatoon 3 is the game that got me into the franchise#Even though I played 2 before 3 could never fully enjoy it as I came too late#I missed every splatfest cause I got it a year before splat3#So I could never connect the way I did to 3#Hearing anarchy rainbow for the first time changed me man. I fell in love instantly. It just means so much.#As an autistic person I actually surprisingly don’t really stim that much. But hearing anarchy rainbow just… flipped a switch.#I couldn’t stop moving. Literally like DJ Octavio man. It was a crazy experience to just feel like I had to move.#to walk around or something. To wave and flap my arms. Copy their dances. It sounds a little weird and childish when it’s written down#But it’s true. Splatoon’s music showed me that my autistic stimming was something I should embrace.
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people who do nuzlockes just in general terrify me but especially people who nuzlocke pla………… it gives me anxiety and dread just thinking about it…..
#the way battle mechanics work just really invites revenge kills#like it’s so easy to die. what’s going on#haha i OHKO’d volo’s spiritomb with my fairy type!#oh no he sends in his lucario without pause or warning and it immediately gets to go first and kills your fairy with bullet punch#and there is literally nothing you can do about it#oh what a shame you’re in a battle with an opposing trainer who sends out all 3 of their pokémon at once#and they all get a turn of their own before your pokémon can go next#uh oh your opponent just used an agile style move and now gets to go again. oh no not another agile style move#now they get a third turn. aaaaand strong style aaaaaaaand you’re dead#nightmares!!!!!!!#i did a no items run of volo and it took me four tries. couldn’t imagine doing all that and you only get one shot basically#pokémon#legends arceus#pokeposting
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I hate endeavor so fucking much it’s crazy
#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#I’ve never hated a character like this like oh my god#I hate him why was this chapter STILL abt him telling them he’s gonna atone#like we fucking get ittttt#it literally makes me sick to my stomach like#if I was dying and couldn’t move and my fucking DAD was like I’m gonna come visit u every day and try to talk to u#I would ask them to pull the plug#like Omg hasn’t Dabi had enough???????#I’m so SICK leave him ALONE#anyways I’m completely in denial abt him dying#he’s not gonna die#if it’s literally not mentioned at all in these next chapters then he’s alive#although if it’s not mentioned at all that’s gonna be my second blorbo that has an ambiguous death#and that’s beautiful<3
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#hyunjin#he looks angy cause he couldn’t move his face shdhxb#he’s like and now i want to sit back and relax when all of a sudden i hear this agitating voice..#IM CRYING HSKDNDBDBX 😭#literally like a cookie that’s been dunked in a glass of milk i love him
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NOW I HEAR YOUR VOICE EVERYTIME THAT I THINK I’M NOT ENOUGH
#but literally like#that’s exactly what happens now#AND I FANTASIZE ABOUT A TIME YOU’RE A LITTLE FUCKING SORRY#LIKE???? is there NO guilt?!?! i have to live with the grief and you get to be fucking happy#‘i deserved to move on’ ‘you think it was easy to move on’ IDGAF you still moved on??????#YOU ONCE CALLED ME FOREVER NOW YOU STILL CAN’T CALL ME BACK#the FUCK happened to loving me always????????? through thick and thin???? i never stopped fucking loving you despite what i was going thru!!#all i feel now is fucking shame and disgust for myself because didn’t i fucking say?????? didn’t i fucking say you were gonna leave me again#and you swore you never would again!! then wtf happened!!!#you couldn’t handle my trust issues with you and i just know you hated me for not getting over them#i literally can never trust anyone ever again i am never trusting anybody with my fucking heart again EVER i can’t do it anymore#AND I JUST CANT IMAGINE HOW YOU COULD BE SO OKAY NOW THAT IM GONE#literally you’re fucking okay and in fucking LOVE with SOMEONE ELSE i am literally fucking NOTHING to you anymore#you always have and will ALWAYS find love in and with someone else and i never will again#the possibility of being with someone again literally disgusts me i am not doing it ever again#‘you’ll find someone else eventually’ i am NOT like YOU who always finds someone else i literally have NEVER found anyone else since you#i am literally and have never been enough and you don’t care#v#belle speaks
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honestly if i had a bigger brain, i would write an entire android shouto fic
#I JUST HAVE SO MANY SCENES IN MY HEAD#you fix his faceplate but cant get him a better eye so he just as this neon blue light#he's always saying things like 'my mother used to read to me when i was young'#and you're always like 'you don't have a mother. you were never young.'#bc you've spent your whole life afraid of machines and how overlord-esque corporations have used them to implement their beliefs#they've taken away so many jobs they are unfeeling they are ruthless they are judge jury and executioner#they're given more power for the sake of being morally grey but they're really just EMOTIONLESS BEINGS THAT SHOULDN’T MAKE CERTAIN DECISION#and then you find him 🥺#and at first you want to sell him and make a quick buck but his face is all fucked up and then he starts TALKING#telling you he can feel pain and sadness and love#and you're like !!!!! no you cant !!!!!!!!!#and then someone tries to bother you in some bar and shouto smashes his face in — literally smashes HIS FACE IN —#and then someone tries to stab you and he moves in the way and takes it and HE BLEEDS AND HE CRIES AJFHSIAKALAL#AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK !!!!!!!#WAAAAHHHHH#but it would be so in depth i couldn’t do it justice honestly akfbsjakqk#GOD i wrote too much in these tags#✿ willow writes#✿ shut up willow#✿ thoughts: shouto#✿ theme: android shouto
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Got off the bus hella early bc this lady kept staring at me intensely and it made me feel really uneasy
#personal#Its weird bc like#Women amd esp other woc are usually the people I feel safest around#But she literally moved seats so I was across from her instead of behind her#And sat across the seat so she could stare directly at me#And Like initially I tried to brush it off as me being weird#But I could feel her staring at me literally the whole time#And started smiling in this really particular way while staring at me#It only dropped if she glanced away or if i looked over at her#And at some point she like#Leaned To the side awkwardly#So I couldn’t see her face#But i could still feel her watching me#And she didnt move from that position until I got off the bus#Idk maybe I’m overreacting here#But it made me so uncomfortable like it didn’t feel right
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