#like I can't fucking control it and then I feel like shit because I don't want ro make them feel bad they're just having fun

[genderqueerdykes]

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[digestive]

The whole scent thing might be a wire and cloth mother related psychological reason, you associate warmth and comfort with love whilst a lack of it dosent interest us, which can be part of the reason couple swap clothes in order to feel closer to each other and the scent we associate with them let's us remember them as well during those moments when we feel safe.

But regarding us acting like scientists, we live in a society where something we don't understand is plastered everywhere and is seen as natural, whereas we cannot quite grasp it and therefore our curiousity comes into play and that's when the mental lab coat might come out to play.

Personally I can't relate emotionally or experience wise cause they view romance and sex in such a different light, and personally both of these things were stuff I thought I 'had' to do later in life.

Which might be why now I want to understand them because like, people want this?? For real?? It's just such a different lifestyle.

But I mean, if we were talking about learning of a different culture, such as celtic or asian, it wouldn't be an issue cause these are people who live their lives differently and you would be curious how it differs from your own.

Alloallos for me is a similar thing. This is something that I cannot fathom and/or there is tons of shit I didn't even realise because its not my scene. Took me a while to realise that cherries are considered 'sexy' cause they're associated with sex and losing your virginity and allos use the stems to judge how well they kiss by tying a knot in it.

I still don't get it, probably wont ever get why they do all these things, but I know they do it as part of their own way enjoy their sexuality and romantic orientation.

So maybe the best way to stop feeling fucked up about being aroace is instead to see our experiences on a similar level to allos in a way that lets us know the reality of being alloallo or aroace and how we navigate our identities and the reasons for these behaviours.

Plus I like having that scientist in my brain becuase they help me remove the stigma I have for my sexuality and romantic orientation day by day by showing me the bigger picture and letting me conduct my own mind experiments and develop hypothesises for romance and sex in order to feel less alienated from the alloallos. And maybe that's the purpose of it.

Acting like a scientist can ground us and give us a dynamic where we feel more in control regarding these romantic and sexual behaviours we happen to see, and we don't have to feel negatively if we can follow a fiction narrative that gives us the autonomy to question things and make discoveries about stuff that confuses us.

It's a way to connect with others while allowing ourselves to have room to be okay with not fitting the mould.

this is really weird but part of my aroace experience is viewing allo people like a scientist would view a living specimen in an experiment

its like. they do something and i observe and note their behavior. i know this sounds super fucked up but here is something that happened today:

my sister was showing me her texts from her boyfriend and he was saying stuff like "if u want i can spray a shirt with my cologne to give to u" or "i'll give u my hoodie to wear"

and i just looked at her and said "people exchange clothes because they like each others scent? fascinating." and i felt like a freaking scientist observing a new species' behavior. i promise its not as weird as it sounds. im not uncomfortable with romance/sex (for other people), i just have no idea how it works.

im curious do any other aspecs have experiences like this? or is it just me?

[girlivealwaysbean]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[canisonicscrewyou]

Fuck this entire week oh my fucking godddd. This felt like a little trial. Hurdles to get through the last of Busy Season for the year.

This week:

I shut down my store's entire IT system while being guided through a troubleshoot and it took ~45 minutes to fix it

Rolled + landed on my ankle on my walk to work on Halloween. Had to limp into work.

On Halloween I also had to kick out an intoxicated dude on a bike who tried to serve himself water out of a crushed, grimy to-go cup by leaning his entire body over the bar after going to the registers to ask ME for a cup of water. Left after telling me he has two no-trespassing orders from my store.

Had to hobble my way home because I had no way of getting a ride because my city closes down half the streets for Halloween.

Worked through my bruised and busted up ankle for ~3 days while another coworker called out to. Probably catch up on school work.

Nearly cried at work like. Several. Times. Partially from overwhelm and confusion and now partially from pain.

Watched my boss feel immensely bad after seeing My Ouchie and then went home. (<- only for my fiancé to come in to pick me up and then when I wasn't there, tell my boss and coworker that I should have called out today which is. Correct.)

Now I'm really just sitting with my injured leg Up High and On Ice

I got to see some fireworks, dress up as Will Graham, my coworker gave me the last of her cigarettes, and I got to post fic though so. Not all bad. I guess.

[patchyworx]

People talk about fast metabolisms like it's all fun and games and eating whatever you want but they fail to remember that it also means your body is Incredibly Stupid and decides that you become deficient in everything in a couple or so days where it takes most others a week. Or months compared to "oops you forgot to photosynthesize sufficiently :( no i don't care that it has been freezing and overcast for the past week, you didn't absorb enough sun. Perish Badly."

Or at least it would be if i didn't like citrus fruits so much, probably

[silusvesuius]

g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

---

"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

[born-to-lose]

I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself

[s0ull3ss-p3rs0n]

Man, I am way too competitive to be making fandom content because I post an idea, someone draws it and then I have a mental breakdown because I wanted to be the first one to do it.

Man :(

[vespvcc]

I'm having a BPD spike. I'm super triggered, and I really just wanna disappear, y'all.

[genderqueerdykes]

op you're transfem? i had no idea!!! i'm so used to trans women and femmes seeing trans mascs as a threat, i had no idea there could be a transfeminine person out there who thought we were non-dangerous. that's awesome. on all levels except physical i am buying you a booster box of magic the gathering cards rn. or something

yep! i am transfem & a trans woman. due to being intersex, genderqueer, and bigender, i have other genders as well, but lately it's like if i talk about my other genders, people just don't want to listen to me anymore. i don't like how when someone is perceiving me as transfem, they'll listen to me, but the second i point out any of my other genders, suddenly i'm an unreliable narrator.

being intersex and multigender, i've literally witnessed people who know i'm a trans woman go from respecting my opinions highly and listening to everything i say, to ignoring me, belittling me, and talking over me once they find out i'm also a man. people will literally just lose all ability to care about you or anything you have to say if you mention being anything but transfem or a trans woman and it's gross as hell. i've watched the switch happen in real time, in real life.

i feel like i have to talk about being transfeminine and a trans woman ONLY in order to get people to listen to me and it's fucked.

i know it's really hard to find transfeminine people and trans women who are good to trans men right now, and it's horrible. there are so many other trans women and transfemmes wrapped up in their hatred for being treated like men that they're willing to hurt any and all men that exist near them. and it's not okay. how are we comfortable with doing this? how are we comfortable with treating other trans people like shit if we don't want to be treated like shit for being trans anymore? how does any of this liberate transfemmes or trans women from cisheteronormative patriarchy and transmisogyny?

i'm sorry it's gotten like this. i know so many transmascs and trans men who are outright terrified of trying to talk to or be around transfemmes and trans women because of how hostile this has gotten. i know so many transmascs and trans men who want to befriend, date or consider transfemmes and trans women found family, but are absolutely scared to try to meet and talk to them. there are so many people who are just straight up terrified to say or do anything at all about their queer experience because of this hostility. we have people doubting themselves for being trans, talking down to themselves, apologizing for being trans men, apologizing for not being AMAB or a trans woman... why are we allowing this to happen? this is out of control.

if we as trans women want to be accepted by trans people, we have to accept other trans people, too. we can't demand that people respect us and everything we have to say, and then we just don't do that for other people. like the lack of respect is disgusting. you can't demand respect and then refuse to respect others who are deserving of it as well.

take care of yourself, anon. we are out there, it's just the minority of really loud, rude assholes that are talking for everyone else right now. people desperately want to fit in no matter what. people will claw and fight to feel accepted into a space, even if that space is hostile and dangerous. this is taking advantage of vulnerable people with low self esteem and tricking them into thinking being bullies will make them feel better. it won't. it never will.

[sherlock-is-ace]

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[lith-myathar]

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[rainybraindays]

Can't sleep, once again thinking about making a polin beautiful creatures au

[doom-dreaming]

how do i tell my mother that coming into my room calling me "lazybones" if i'm still in bed at any time past 7 a.m. for YEARS has done near-irreparable damage to my self-esteem and created shame about being able to just fucking relax?