#like I can’t even share or talk about it bc I feel so pathetic and sad about it

[evansbby]

more vent, continuing from the last 2 posts

[h4sanz]

obey me! visuals - pt. 1

characters: demon brothers

warnings: f!reader, penetration, oral (both giving and recieving), impact play, exhibitionism, degredation, bdsm, filming, name calling, orgasm control

a/n: rlly horny rn and wanted to share my thoughts bc i’m always right /j

LUCIFER

link — he can’t wait any longer. lucifer had gone long enough without you, his favorite human. the first thing he does when you get to his room is toss you onto the bed and rip every single article of clothing off of you. he pounds into you like there’s no tomorrow, whispering how much he missed you and your little cunt while you were away in the human world. “my sweet little thing, missed you and your pretty cunt so fuckin’ much. now you’re gonna be good and let me use you for as long as i want, okay?”

link — fucking into you and ferociously rubbing your clit on the couch while his brothers are home.. he needs to make sure you know who you belong to. curses hit your ears as he raves about how you need to be quiet, but hits that spot that he knows makes you cry out every time. “you must really want them to hear you, huh? i knew you were a slut, but i didn’t think you’d be this pathetic.”

MAMMON

link — one thing about mammon, is that he loves being able to show off that you’re his. he absolutely loves to record you: the way you ride him and shout for him. he can’t help but rut into you when you moan his name so prettily. “fuck, yer’ perfect. that’s right, keep bouncin’ on my cock like that.”

link - he absolutely loves making love to you in this position, sucking your tits into his mouth as you grind on him. his hips will stutter when you praise him, telling him how he’s such a good boy and doing so good. he’ll whine into your lips as he kisses you passionately, you running your hands through his hair and softly tugging. “i’m your go—fuck, your good boy. love you s’much.”

LEVIATHAN

link - he will be an absolute mess. every time he dies in game and you let go of him, tears start spewing from his eyes as he cries and begs for you to touch him again. once he finally wins a game, he’ll make a huge mess on himself, overstimulation making him buck his hips up into your hand. his head falls back onto your shoulder, panting heavily. “please, let me c–cum, mc. i’ll be so, s’good for you.” “t–too much! can’t take ‘nymore,” he’ll cry out with red, puffy eyes.

link - he fucks into you with all of his might on the days his envy gets the best of him, especially when one of his brothers blatantly flirts with you to mess with him. he’ll talk down on them as he slaps your face, then moving to hold onto your throat, softly squeezing. he grips your waist so tight there’ll be bruises on your skin for days. “those fuckin’ normies. always doing shit to piss me off, even messing with my baby. you must be a major slut to let them, huh? i know you saw them looking you up and down; when you noticed i saw how you perked up, actin’ all sexy for them.”

SATAN

link - he loves making you ride him before fucking up into you instead. he understands your stamina is nowhere near close to his, but you can’t even ride him properly? and it’s only been 3 rounds! he either has to be gripping a leash he’s attatched to your collar or forcefully holding you, whether it be your neck, wrists, hips, etc. and the way you moan so beautifully when he slaps your face and body has him enthralled. needless to say, you’re lucky if he ends at just round number 4.

link - this is when he’s feeling more intimate. he tends to get really touchy when he’s needy, caressing and gripping your body, sliding his thumb into your mouth whilst whispering about how you’re made for him and such a good kitty. he’ll call you absolutely pathetic for how desperate you are for his touch, whoring yourself out just for him and no one else.

ASMODEUS

link - this is his favorite thing ever. please force him to stare at himself as he makes the most vulgar faces and sounds for you. make him watch the way your fingers perfectly wrap around his pretty cock and jerk him off, hand gliding up and down with fervor. then call him a little whore right in his ear for coming so easily to the sight of himself. “oh, what a little slut you are. coming that easily?” “please, please let me come again! feels so good!”

link - you saw this coming the moment he asked you to meet him in his bathroom. pleasuring his human whilst also bathing them, sign him up! he’ll read out comments, sometimes copying what they say with him own ministrations. “oooh, this person wants me to edge you today. shall i, my pretty?”

BEELZEBUB

link - this man has an oral fixation, he always needs to be sucking on something. so what better thing than your tits? it makes you feel good, so why the hell not. cowgirl is 100% his favorite position ever because he gets to watch your face as you ride him and as he occasionally nibbles on your nipples, causing a cute little whine to fall from your lips.

link - is he hungry? yes. but he also always craves you. one second he’s asking if you could make him something to eat, and the next he’s right up behind you, pulling your pants down to begin thrusting into you. he’ll be sucking along your neck as you try to focus on making his food, to no prevail. “b-beel! hold on a min– fuck! a minute.” “i can’t wait mc.. i need you right now.”

BELPHEGOR

link - his pathetic moans are all that can be heard as he trys to fuck up into you. he’s trying, and you can’t deny that. but you end up taking matters into your own hands, beginning to grind up and down. however, the position makes it almost impossible to stay focused on your task, the tip of his cock pressing right into that spot deep inside of you. “oh, please don’t stop, you feel so good, mc.”

link - his mind is blank. the feeling of you wrapped around him as he’s on the brink of exhaustion is overwhelming. he feels way too good to fall asleep but he feels if you continue this much longer, he might just pass out. he’s come twice already. the sensitive boy just wants you to keep going but his brain is too empty to make out words :(

© h4sanz 2024

[pink-tea]

cute genes

☆ pairing: choi soobin x afab! reader

☆ smut

☆ word count: 3.2k

☆ sub! soobin, dom! reader, slightly dark content !!!, dubcon technically bc baby trapping, toxic behaviors (baby trapping is not okay you guys!!), riding, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, milking, use of the nicknames "angel" (extensive use) and "bunny", nipple play (like a lot)(both receiving), tit sucking, breeding kink

☆ soobin is worried that one day he'll have to choose between his relationship and his career. you make sure that he never has to

// heyyy...how's everybody doing? (´∀｀；)

you should be ashamed of what you’re about to do, for what you’ve been doing. throwing away the condoms and riling up your poor little boyfriend all day so that when you tell him not to cum, you know you’re setting him up for failure. his desperate cries of “please please please” doing nothing as you grind down on his pulsating cock. 

“come on, angel. you can do better than this, can’t you?” you ask softly, raking your nails over his chest and hard nipples. he writhes underneath you at the touch, letting out weak noises as he shuts his eyes in a desperate attempt to concentrate. it prevents him from seeing your smug expression at his struggle, sighing contentedly as you grind your clit down into his pelvis. 

“can’t,” he pants, bunny lips red and slick from all the foreplay and subconscious biting he does while trying to quiet himself down. “please, I really don’t think I can,” soobin whimpers, opening his glossy eyes to look up at you. you groan at the sight, the blonde so pretty and pathetic underneath you that it makes him cry out when you roughly grind your hips down again. 

“you’re gonna cum already?” you ask, watching as he quickly nods, lashes fluttering when you don’t even stop your pace to talk to him. “but I’m not gonna cum yet,” you sigh, rotating your hips in a slow circle. you reach a hand down to card through soobin’s hair, pushing the sweaty bangs on his forehead out of the way. “you have to get punished if you don’t do what I tell you, you know this,” you patronize, grabbing a fistful of the strands so that you can lightly shake his head side to side. 

he whines at both your words and the slightly disorienting feeling, desperate to please but so desperate for release after what you’ve already put him through. he recognizes the word punishment, and if he wasn’t crying already, he’s sure he would’ve teared up because he’s trying so hard to be good. it feels so unfair, and he doesn’t even know that it’s because you made sure it would be unfair for him. 

knowing that he’s being set up for failure makes something inside you bask at the control. it’s bad that you’re lying to him; it’s even worse that you’re making such a big decision without even considering what he wants, but isn’t it for the better? he’s been growing so much as an idol, more and more of your shared time spent on rescheduled dates and rushed intimacy. 

you know he’s been stressed; you can help with that. but you also know that lately he’s been growing less and less confident that he’ll be able to still be the love of your life, along with being a successful idol. 

you’d never make soobin choose between you and his dream. instead, you decided to make sure that he wouldn’t be able to choose. your sweet boyfriend, sweet soobin who would probably condemn himself to the furthest circle of hell before he abandoned his girlfriend and child. sweet soobin, who wouldn’t think of leaving you or your kid because he’s just too good of a person to do it. 

it just makes sense; it was the only other option besides forcing soobin to quit his true passion (which probably wouldn’t work in the first place), and you just didn’t have the heart to do it. besides, even if being pregnant would be a less than wonderful experience, you’d be able to do it if it were for soobin. you’d go through the weeks with only facetime calls and the texted ‘i love you’s for him and your future child. 

imagining your baby with soobin’s bright eyes and adorable dimples makes your heart fond. knowing that he'd be forced to forever come back home to you makes you determined. 

“don’t want a punishment, wanna be good,” soobin whimpers out from beneath you, causing you to sigh in mock pity. you let both your hands fall to hold his face, his cheeks wet with both dried and fresh tears. he’s always been a pretty crier. 

“bad boys have to get their punishment,” you explain softly, not being able to stop the small smile on your lips when soobin only responds with a high-pitched and needy whine. “even if they’re trying to be good,” you hum, letting your hands trail down his neck as you continue the moment of your hips. “surely you’re not trying to get out of your punishment,” you suggest, adding a tiny mocking gasp to your words. 

quickly, the blonde shakes his head. “n-no, would never!” he exclaims, eyes squeezed shut as your nails rake down his shoulders and slip to his collarbones. “wanna be good, wanna be really—” the words get caught in his throat the moment your hands trail down from the dip of his collarbones to his perky nipples. 

the reaction is immediate. a sob of anguish is ripped from his throat, his back unintentionally arching as his hips thrust up to meet yours. "no, no, no, please,” he tries to plead, head thrown back, and the hands that somehow found themselves on your waist leave a bruising grip. you ignore his cries, rolling his sensitive nipples under the pads of your thumbs. 

“if I didn’t know any better, i’d think you were about to cum, angel,” you say casually, only receiving a choked noise from soobin as he thrashes underneath you. it’s amusing, the way you bounce on top of him as a result of his desperate attempts to escape. he's so fucked-out that he doesn’t even realize that he’s working against his own interests, slamming harder and deeper into your warm cunt every time you come back down. 

“[your name], please, i can’t—i can’t!” he doesn’t even manage to finish forming his words before he’s shaking underneath you, the hands on your waist holding you down firmly as he thrusts up one last time. a chorus of moans and whimpers make their way to your ears as you watch Soobin’s face. his eyes are shut tight, a few stray tears making their way past his pretty lashes from the force. 

you feel him shoot warm ropes of cum inside you. it’s messy and gross, and it’s just the way you wanted it as you stop your ministrations on his nipples. tutting and shaking your head, you bring a hand up to tap his cheek. 

soobin opens his eyes at the cue, his pathetic gaze pleading and apologetic as he stares at your faux frown. your brows furrow as you look down at him, sighing dramatically as you pull back to sit down properly on his now-softening cock. “look what you did…” you scold, already feeling the way his cum is trickling out of you to form a disgusting mix of fluids at the base of where the two of you meet. 

“i’m sorry,” soobin chokes out, lips trembling as you smooth your fingers over adam’s apple. 

“i know,” you respond simply, placing your hands back on his tits. He shudders as you resume playing with his nipples, letting out a whimper when you start to ride him without warning. his hands fall from your waist, and soobin’s embarrassed to think about how the way you’re using him like your own personal fuck toy is making his sensitive dick harden all over again. 

“tell me what you’re thinking,” you breathe, soft pants leaving your lips as you adjust your pace to finally chase after your own orgasm rather than soobin’s. a strangled noise builds up in soobin’s throat at the sight of your tits bouncing, and the hand that you end up placing on his thigh for a better angle heats up his skin. 

“sensitive,” he manages to say after a few moments, struggling to process the pleasure that leaves his spine tingling. his dick is hard again, struggling to keep up with how your pussy swallows him, uncaring of what he’s feeling as you grind your clit onto him for the friction. “m’ not gonna last,” he tries to warn you, voice climbing into a higher pitch when you abandon the bouncing to roll your hips back and forth. 

“that’s okay, baby,” you reassure him, grabbing his hands and moving them so that his palms are full of your breasts. “you’re not supposed to,” you simper, groaning in satisfaction when Soobin obeys your silent demands and starts to play with your nipples. he swallows thickly, dick twitching inside of you as the flesh of your breast spills out between his fingers. 

“i don’t wanna get punished,” he insists, thumbing over your nipples despite his conviction. you smile at his words, cooing softly as you place your palms back on his toned stomach. your shadow looms over him, and like this you’re given a clear view as to how soobin’s gaze seems transfixed on your breasts, the pervert.

“baby, your punishment’s already begun,” you inform him, voice sweet despite your intentions of milking him dry. this information finally snaps soobin out of his daze, brown eyes catching yours with an almost comical look of shock and dismay. 

“but–”

“mm-mm, no buts,” you chastise, placing a hand over your boyfriend’s mouth to halt his complaints. “you get what you deserve, you take what I give you,” you remind him coldly. you can feel the way Soobin chokes on a tiny sob underneath your palm, his saliva slicking up your hand and no doubt making a mess out of his mouth as he struggles not to buck up into the overstimulating pleasure of your warm cunt. 

“that’s it,” you praise as he goes pliant and silent underneath you, minus the whines and groans that get muffled. “you’re gonna let me milk your pretty little cock, since apparently all you’re good for is cumming inside and making a mess,” you tell him, removing your hand from his mouth and wiping the mess of saliva on the bed sheets next to you. 

“not all I’m good for,” he whines in protest, making you hiss in pain when he accidentally squeezes your breasts too hard. 

“yeah? what else are you good for?” you ask tauntingly, raking your nails down the expanse of his stomach and enjoying the small mewl that slips past his lips at the pain. “good at looking pretty and fucked out? good at laying down and letting me have my way with you?” you list off, endeared by the small glare soobin manages to give you through his teary eyes. 

“all you have to be good at right now is taking your punishment and making me feel good. is that too much to ask for?” you huff, leaning down to brush your lips against his cute ones. 

“is that too much, angel?” You ask, hands reaching up to hold on to his shoulders. 

“no,” he groans in response, leaning up to capture your lips with his in a way that distracts you with fondness. normally a sweet kisser, soobin is messy. his saliva wets your lips as he barely manages to keep the two of you together, some of his own drool making its way down his chin. it’s adorably pathetic, the way it takes so much effort just to kiss you while you fuck him dumb. 

“i'm already close again,” he whines pitifully into your mouth. 

you don’t respond, sliding one of your hands back down to meanly grab one of his nipples and twist, and it’s all it takes before soobin cums with a cry. his hands fall off your chest, one grasping desperately at the pillow under his head while the other twists in your sheets. he’s hiccuping through each breath, and all you can think about is how you’d do anything to keep him all to yourself forever. 

you hum in appreciation as you watch him—the way his eyes screw close and his nose scrunches as his back arches off the bed. his cum is still warm inside of you, and you wait for his body to stop shuddering and drop back down before you grip his shoulders and start to chase your own release. 

soobin gasps in sensitivity at the movement, warm hands flying up to grab at your waist in a futile attempt to slow you down. 

“wait, ’m sensitive, [your name] please, it hurts,” he cries, and it's all in vain as you do your best to milk him for a third. 

you ride him with just a bit more desperation than usual. it’s already been too many weeks since you’ve been off birth control. you don’t even realize how hard you’re staring at soobin, as if you’re trying to memorize every detail of his face in the case that all your efforts go out the window and this is the last time you see him. that’s until another tear slips out of soobin’s eye, and you know that you’d never let that happen, idol career be damned. 

cooing, you lean down and lick the tear off his cheek, your pretty little boyfriend whining at the wet sensation. “i thought i put your hands somewhere,” you comment offhandedly, watching soobin’s eyes flutter in confusion before his brain catches up to your intentions. with a small groan, soobin’s hands are back on your tits, and you laugh at the way his cock twitches in your cunt. 

“think you can you give me one more?” you ask sweetly condescendingly, placing a wet kiss on the same cheek you’ve already defiled. soobin can only pout, giving you a quivering nod as his thumb covers your nipple, eyes fixated on it.

determinedly, you pick up your pace on soobin’s cock. he’s semi-hard, but he’s whimpering and whining and he’s twitching from overstimulation, despite the fact that he still makes a valiant effort to get hard again. his stamina was pretty decent, but you’re set on milking a third out of him. 

“just—just go a little slower, please,” he begs, limbs growing heavy and he’s struggling to keep a solid grip on your tit as you bounce. 

“if you have the mouth to complain, you might as well suck on them,” you scowl, grabbing a fistful of blonde hair just to hear soobin’s gasp when you yank his head up. 

“can’t be a good little breeding bitch when all you do is complain instead of cum,” you add on, soobin whimpering at the harsh words. his lips are in a wobbly frown, and with much effort he lifts himself high enough to sloppily take your nipple into his mouth. he desperately kneads the other with his hand, and you let yourself moan at the disgusting visual of soobin’s drool running down his chin and onto your chest. 

“so messy,” you comment, using both of your hands to keep soobin’s head up to your chest as you ride him. sometimes you pull the strands of his hair to see him jerk, guiding him to your other nipple as your thighs burn and your speed begins to slow. 

he’s hard inside of you, and there’s an embarrassing amount of cum frothing at the entrance of your cunt. there’s fluids all over soobin’s cock and pelvis, and you can’t help the way you drag your clit through the wet filth as you slow your hips into a grind. 

“angel,” you gasp, pulling Soobin off your nipple with a loud ‘pop’ so that he can look at you with his fucked-out gaze. he hums in acknowledgement, going pliant in your hold once your hands slide down to cup his face in both palms. 

"help me cum,” you demand, and soobin only needs a few seconds before he’s wordlessly dragging a thumb over your clit as you pick up your pace. you lean down to kiss him, taking a lip between your teeth and tugging as his eyes threaten to flutter shut once more. 

and it only takes a few more moments with the dizzying drag of soobin’s thumb over your puffy clit before you’re moaning into his mouth and riding through your orgasm. soobin answers you with his own soft moan, the noise breaking into a weak sob as your pussy clenches down on him. he cums inside of you for the third time with a weak pulse of his cock, giving you one more peck on the lips before he falls back onto the sheets tiredly. 

you huff in amusement as you straddle him, catching your breath before you roll over to drop down next to him and let him slip out of you. there’s a wet squelch that follows, but you’re too busy trying to catch your breath before a cuddly soobin quickly begins to latch onto your side. your heart aches at the affection, and you turn to face him so that he can bury his face under your chin. his hair tickles your nose.

“good job, baby. took your punishment so well,” you praise softly, running your fingers through his hair to try and soothe the way you kept tugging on it earlier. soobin hums in contentment, an arm wrapping over your waist to tug you closer. 

“you called me your breeding bitch,” he pouts into your shoulder, making you chuckle. 

“you like it. maybe you’ll even get me pregnant,” you joke, dead serious. soobin snorts at the implication, still unaware of the fact that you two are actually trying with every time you fuck him into the mattress.

“maybe. we’d have cute kids,” he shrugs, and you hold onto him just a bit tighter. 

“you think so?”

“'course,” Soobin yawns. “can’t go wrong with my genes,” he brags cheekily, and you give him a light smack on the shoulder that he whines about. 

when you actually tell him around 4 weeks later that you’re pregnant, soobin swears that the world around him goes completely quiet. then he’s a stuttering, disbelieved, and stressed-out mess over the phone. 

“what do you mean you're pregnant? i thought you were on birth control?” and you lie easily, telling him that this must’ve been one of those rare cases where the medication didn't work. 

then there’s a long pause, and you’re worried that soobin might actually make you march up to a clinic and correct this mess of a situation before you’re met with the telltale hiccup of soobin’s ugly cry. you immediately hush him and reassure him that it’s alright, that everything will be fine. 

soobin feels terrible; he feels so guilty that he hadn’t been mindful enough about cleaning up and showering after sex. he feels like he’s ruined your youth and that he’s burdened you with a child, even though the two of you aren’t even married yet. you tell him it’s ok, that you don’t blame him and that you’re willing to make this work. soobin promises to come see you as soon as he can and promises to faceTtme the moment he gets off work to properly talk about all that’s going to happen. he’s calmed down with your words and reassurance, but you can tell he’s still frazzled.

the last thing you say to him is “i love you,"  but before that, you can’t help but joke that, hey, at least our baby’s guaranteed to be cute with your genes.

[deanbrainrotwritings]

— BEING DEAN’S WIFE

REQUEST : “Hey, can i request a hcs of be Dean Winchester or Jensen ackles wife? and be super sweet and pure girl that is younger than them” — anonymous

PAIRING : dean winchester x fem!reader

CHARACTERS : none

WARNINGS/TAGS : fluff, angst (if you squeeze your eyes together, til you make a crescent moon shape), a little bit of nsfw at the very end bc it’s hilarious

A/N : uh, yeah, here’s a little gift! I didn’t wanna do university work so i did this instead ☺️ anyway, i think this is just a list of things i love about dean… LMAO XXXX

he will just stare at you for no reason

well, the reason is actually that he thinks your lovely to look at LOL

all those chick flicks he secretly loves to watch? yeah, he’ll recite the romantic stuff because he’s literally down bad for you

… he’s cringing on the inside but also knows he means every word

he’s so pathetic for you and he doesn’t even care

he loves to give you forehead kisses

and he wants them, too, but your lips need to linger a bit, and he’ll close his eyes and just release all the tension in his body because he’s touch starved

he plays with your wedding ring when your hand is right there in his line of sight

he will hold your hand and just stare at the way the ring shines in the sunlight and he will grin like a gigantic dork

ex : if your talking to him or someone else, he’ll just take your hand and gently run his fingers over the ring

he likes when you hold his head against your stomach

when he’s sitting and you’re standing and you move between his legs just to hold his adorable little face close to you, HE LOVES THAT

you’ll let him talk for hours about things he likes, things he wants to share with you

and when you admit you have no idea what he’s talking about when he makes references to old pop culture stuff, he’ll show you everything

.. if all that stuff he references was associated with something else, now it’s all associated with you and him

it’s like THERAPY, to redo stuff with you, to make it his again, and yours

teaching him how to use technology because he’s an old man (affectionate), and he learns fast bc he’s SMART

LOL, witnessing firsthand how genius and resourceful dean is when something breaks [yeah, I can’t stop thinking about him making his own EMF and Sammy being a complete NIPPLEHEAD (affectionate) about it ! as a STEM girly that was so sexy of dean]

HELLO HE SINGS, TO YOU. HE WILL SING YOU ALL THE LOVE SONGS OMG

or he’ll just sing randomly and not even notice that you’re listening to him

silence, comfortable silence, not sad, just.. peaceful

he likes not having to say anything sometimes, just being there with you

he plays with your hair A LOT, he’ll take strands and just feel the texture of it between his fingertips, he’ll even try to do your hair if you let him, if it’s long enough

CUDDLES, he needs that, too.

but he’d rather be on top when you cuddle, with his cute face on your chest, listening to your heartbeat, to your breathing, falling asleep if you run your fingers gently along his back or if you play with his hair

Dean starts mumbling a lot against your chest or shoulder when you’re just relaxing and having lazy conversation as you cuddle

how about KISSING HIS LITTLE DIMPLES??? idk about you but I just wanna kiss his little dimples when he does that specific SMILE or POUT, ya know what I mean! •ᴗ•?? or •~• ???

he flirts with you because you blush so easily

he gets flustered when you flirt back, BC HE’S NOT USED TO IT

he looks like a strawberry, just eatable, with the tips of his ears all red, then the pinkish hue pouring across his freckled cheeks and down his neck in cute little splotches 😭 ALRIGHT YEAH I THINK ABOUT THIS OFTEN

teasing him ABOUT EVERYTHING because that’s hilarious, and he’s indignant but also knows you’re so right and he’ll roll his eyes at you and pretend he’s mad

he can never be mad at you, only playfully!

UHHH ! KISSING THE LITTLE WRINKLES AT THE CORNER OF HIS PRETTY EYES !!!

squeezing him very tightly when you hug and just holding him until he’s practically putting all his weight over you like a willow tree

he’ll bother you on purpose, especially if you’re serious

ex : he takes strands of your hair and will put it in your ear LMAOO or tickle your face with it bc he’s never gonna let a single moment be boring

he grins like the cutest idiot in the world and you can’t be mad at him because he looks LIKE THAT, like the cutest idiot in the whole universe

wearing his clothes and pretending to be him, he thinks it’s cute and funny

he’ll hold your face a lot

and kiss you all over bc you’re cute and pure and deserve all the affection he can offer

and his hands are big and calloused, but he’s so tender and gentle, and warm

hugs from behind

smashing your face into his back and taking in the smell of his body (Mrs Butters lied, Dean smells good)

he’ll love the smell of your hair when he nuzzles into your neck, or the smell of your skin, or the softness of it

going on cute dates, like picnics, watching movies, going to the cinema, going to comic book stores

watching Disney movies together and he can recite the Dory movie by heart because HE LOVES THAT FISH FR

he’ll make you playlists of songs that remind him of you

He takes lots of photos, Polaroids are his favourite because he gets to put them anywhere and everywhere so he can smile and see you if you’re ever busy

you’ll always dress up on Halloween or just for fun whenever he wants

✨healing his inner child✨

grocery shopping together, he pouts when you don’t let him be unhealthy

if you’re short, he’s making fun of you for being shorter than him when he has to reach for stuff on shelves that you can’t reach even on your toes

he teaches you how to cook if you don’t know how to

and you eat the crazy food combinations he comes up with, like those marshmallow mac and cheese he said he made for Sam when they were kids , I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE

he teaches you how to fix cars! he’ll stare at you when you’re being silly ANYWAY PLS TEACH ME DEAN PLS

HAHAHAHAH but like hahahahah as in, 👀 the cute little names he calls you, and you thought they were cringe when couples said them to each other but actually when HE says it to YOU it makes you swoon and you blush, but you pretend you hate it at first because you’re not used to it but he can see through you, you love it

(I’m convinced that if he calls me darlin’, I will die on the spot, or my illnesses will be cured idk idk, I just know something spontaneous or magical will happen)

sharing everything, as in food

he’ll eat your leftovers, if there are any

or if he likes your stuff better than what he’s got, he’ll eat it when he think you’re not looking, but you are definitely aware, you’re just pretending because he’s so cute

trying all the Starbucks drinks together

having to deal with his grumpiness in the morning

even better, you’re not a morning person either so you’re both grumpy

he’s so cute when he’s had his first cup of coffee in the morning :’)

when you shower together, you both play with the shampoo on you heads LMAO

he gives really good massages, like MIND-BLOWINGLY GOOD, I know them hands are magical

BUYING EACH OTHER JEWELLERY, he’s too pretty to not wear jewellery

kissing his freckles BC HES CUTE AND he blushes

kissing his scars (flashback of emo memes) NO, not saying anything about them, just gently pressing your lips on his sensitive skin so he’s not insecure about all of them

reading all sorts of magazines together BC THERES NO TOXIC MASCULINITY IN MY HOUSEHOLD AND MY BOY IS ALLOWED TO DO WHAT HE WANTS YA DUMB— right, anyway

he throws you over his shoulder and then walks around to bother you

butt smacking, that’s it, imagine the possibilities

pretending he’s picking you up at bars (like Claire and Phil from Modern Family 😭)

he’ll throw out his best pick up lines and you have to hold in your laughter at the faces he makes ALSO it works bc that’s your husband

being the best husband when you’re sick

making the yummiest foods and making sure your taking natural vitamins along with medicine

hanging out with you the whole time, not caring that you’re sick even though he’s kind of a germaphobe

whining a lot when he’s sick, but he’s partially just messing with you bc he wasn’t allowed to whine about anything as a kid (I’m right behind you, John)

he’s holding your boobs for comfort LMAO

I feel like he likes to bite, so he bites you a lot for no reason, and then goes about his day

pretending to have accents

more importantly, Dean knows how to speak Spanish, supernatural lied (all that porn and all those novelas and nothing stuck? nah, he’s very good at Spanish)

so he’ll try to seduce you with his Spanish speaking skills (and if you’re Latina/hispanic like me, you think it’s so sexy or it’s just plain cute, idk yet)

playing video games together and being very competitive

he’s very clean and very neat so you never have to tell him to clean up after himself !

he’s very protective of you, but never oversteps bc he knows you can handle yourself

he likes introducing you as his wife

it’s probably not even necessary but he’ll say it very loud and with a gigantic smile and he’ll embarrass you but it’s okay bc it’s Dean

he lies and says he’s your sugar daddy when people comment about the age gap

dude, dude, he’ll tease you a lot like… 🤣 he’ll copy your moans, or repeat stuff you said to him during sex. he’ll tell you very descriptively about how it all went down and the faces you made and the sounds you made.. you know, like in rock and a hard place [09.08]

especially if you’re shy

you wanna strangle him, but you don’t bc he’s the love of your life !

did I do this right? :( doesn’t matter, add some headcannons in the tags or comments 😭 i love husband!dean

taglist

@rominaszh @lanassmarty @murdockscumsock @zepskies @candy-coated-misery0731 @lyarr24 @spnfamily-j2 @globetrotter28

main masterlist

dean winchester masterlist

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO DEANBRAINROTWRITINGS 

do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or republish my work on another platform

[jinkicake]

Somebody’s Watching Me

What happens when you ignore him after a fight (#groveling).

Diluc Ragnvindr x Reader

Kaeya Alberich x Reader

Xiao x Reader

A/N: I actually wrote this back in July bc i wanted angst and tension and I meant to post it then but I didn’t have the balls to (still dont but--)... it took me three hours to write less than 3k.... im not who i used to be its so- whateverrrrr,,, as always more of my thoughts are after the tags kekeke, can you tell i still adore angst?

WC - around 2.7K

~~~

Diluc R.

Baby daddy Diluc would love to give you space after a disagreement but, he can’t. He finds himself distracted with everything and anything, nothing can get done when you’re upset with him. Without your forgiveness, he becomes a lost soul! He follows you around like a kicked puppy, he can’t help it! Listen, this man is protective as shit and refuses to be in your bad graces. He’ll do anything to make it up to you, even giving you space if you really want it (although that is the last thing he wants). If you ignore him for too long tho, he might just melt into a puddle of goo and wipe out!

“My love, please-”

“No, Dliuc!” You push away his gloved hand being held out to you, the one that so desperately yearns to cup your cheek, you scoff at it. You scoff at him and Diluc feels his heart aching deep in his chest. “You might not think much of it but, I do. Leave me alone.” 

The words harshly slap against him, leaving the man speechless as he pathetically opens and closes his mouth to say anything to get you back. His feet feel as if they’re made out of stone and he knows that no weight could ever keep him from running to you but, now, with the hurt on your face; he feels too ashamed to do anything but watch you storm out of the Winery. 

He didn’t know that a snide comment about his brother would snowball into this, you and your unmoving anger. 

You’re just so stubborn, so beautiful, that it makes him want to tug at his fiery roots until he yanks his hair out. Diluc knows he said the wrong thing, that maybe talking so lowly of someone you consider a dear friend wasn’t the right thing to do but, he simply could not help it. 

Because Diluc watches whenever you step into his field of vision, makes sure to keep you within a safe distance beside him so then he feels comfortable enough to carry on with whatever he was doing. 

The same thing happened earlier in the night, everything was fine after his usual scan of the room, but then he heard your laugh. Your charming laugh, one that he thought was reserved for him was instead being spoiled by his brother. It’s a miracle the glass he was drying in his hand didn’t shatter at that moment. Diluc is more than aware of your close friendship with Kaeya, he knows of all the commissions the two of you share and he hates it. Your relationship irks him in a way that he can’t comprehend and he’s aware that he needs to fix that. Fix his jealousy. However, it’s clearly taking much longer than he thought. 

Instead of worrying, Diluc focuses on organizing the newly cleaned glasses he left after dinner. One by one, he sets them up perfectly on the shelf before carefully placing each napkin in its rightful stack. It’s become his ritual of cleaning the Winery each night. But, now he’s just distracting himself from the inevitable feeling that has already begun to set in. A mix of worry and guilt, inevitably overpowered by rejection. 

His strong fingers thump against the clean dining table and for a moment, Diluc distracts himself from the one thing he wants most. You. It’s a distraction short-lived because he cracks a single finger before making his way deep into the office. Perhaps his paperwork will give him a large enough headache to distract him once more. 

The numbing pain building in his temple is nothing compared to the hollow ache blooming in his chest. The mundane task works, the countless amount of numbers he checks over and over again do their job until he hears the gentle sound of the door opening. For a moment, he thinks he may have imagined it but then he hears your footsteps and Diluc is out of his chair and pushing the door out of his way to meet you. 

Even if you glance at him and ignore him, walking further up the stairs to create more distance, Diluc already feels the ache starting to soothe over. He follows you after you, keeping a safe amount of paces behind you. Quietly, he moves as if you won’t be able to notice his six-foot frame doing so. 

“Beloved,” He starts and you greet him with the bedroom door closing in his face. The action causes a small smile to appear on his face, but Diluc quickly shakes it away. “please,” 

It’s nearing midnight and neither of you has time for this. The last thing Diluc wants is you going to sleep upset with him. 

He sighs softly before following you into the bathroom, the man feels ashamed and it burns brightly in his chest, 

“I’m sorry,” He murmurs against your neck, slowly breathing in the alluring scent entangled with your hair. “please forgive me.” In his own selfish way, a side he can only show towards you, he doesn’t really give you a choice. Diluc’s strong, muscular arms are wrapped around your waist and holding onto you so tightly. You couldn’t get away from him now without a fight. “I’m working on… my jealousy. Darling, please.” 

Even you have to admit how hard it is to deny Diluc when he is begging so earnestly. 

You lightly place your hand on top of his own, squeezing him gently before glancing back to place a gentle kiss on his jaw. He sighs with relief. 

“I won’t forgive you so easily next time.”

“I know. I will hold you to it.”

Kaeya A.

Kaeya, my forever #1 in this game, would need space after a heavy disagreement. If you walk one way then he will walk in the other direction until he cools off. However, it usually takes him about ten meters before he realizes that he should escort you wherever you’re going so he just follows while silently stewing in his own anger. Kaeya doesn’t show it, he never does because he doesn’t want to displease you but, his upset feelings are there. But, he loves you and would kiss the ground that you walk on to prove it to you. 

“Fine then.”

“Fine!” You shriek, and how it got to this, Kaeya isn’t really sure. He watches as you turn away and walk towards the entrance of Mondstadt, his stare lingers for a few moments before he heads towards the cathedral. The two of you always know how to make a scene, even when no one is around and it is late into the evening and all the shops around have closed. He finds that to be a good thing, he didn’t want an audience tonight. Not like this anyway. 

His blood is still rushing through his veins, he can hear his heart thumping in his ears. He can still recall the fire burning in your eyes and the distinct way that your hands trembled by your sides every time either of your voices got louder. The captain feels guilty above anything else, anger is still there but he knows it’s an emotion that will fade away quickly. 

“Damn it, (Y/N),” Kaeya sighs before tilting his head back, giving himself the view of the starry sky. You always did love the night sky. He knows what he said was wrong, that maybe he shouldn’t have insinuated that you needed support on such a lowly ranked mission but, he couldn’t help it. Kaeya does not like to take chances with you and he would rather underestimate you than overestimate, even if that makes you burn brighter in fury than his brother’s hair. 

He just didn’t expect you to get so angry, he thought that maybe you would understand and take it down a notch. Kaeya can’t stand to see you get hurt, to find you fighting multiple monsters all by yourself at once. There’s nothing in this world that could save him if something happened to you, why don’t you get that?

Any unresolved anger gets put on the back burner of his mind, Kaeya decides to make it his priority to look for you. He’ll be damned if you don’t want to be found. 

“Stubborn ass,” He murmurs as he heads out the gates, there are a number of places that you could be. Kaeya finds himself so focused, consumed with this one thing he wants so badly, that he doesn’t even blink as he passes the darknight hero. 

The redhead beside him lets out a noise that is somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. 

“(Y/N),” Kaeya calls when he sees you on the other side of the bridge outside the walls of Mondstadt, feet hanging off of the side while you stare at the ducks in the lake below. He sounds playful and that instantly causes your face to sour. Your lips purse at his voice, eyebrows furrowing together, you merely blink at Kaeya before turning your attention back to the water. “don’t ignore me, sweetest.” 

In a way, Kaeya is still trying to level his own anger. He’s still processing the effects of your previous conflict while balancing your current conversation. It takes him a moment or two to find the right footing. 

“What’s got you bothered, babe?” He sits down beside you very close to the point that there are mere centimeters that keep your thighs from touching. You look at him with a blank expression but Kaeya can see the irritation embedded in your features. “Oh?” He sounds amused when you ignore him once more but, that could be further from the truth. Kaeya is neither entertained nor delighted by this, no, he’s pissed. “Come on, talk to me,” He urges again and this time, he wraps his arm around your shoulders to pull you into his chest. “you wound me, (Y/N).” 

“You wound me!” You finally snap at him, eyes filled with a rage that clearly hasn’t left you from before. “You think I’m weak!” 

“I do not, my darling. I just think you need some extra help whenever I can’t join you.” Kaeya’s words do little to soothe your anger, in fact, you just become more irritated. You attempt to push yourself up, to stand up and walk away from him but the captain pulls you tightly into his chest. “You’re not running away from me again~” Had you not been so upset you would have caved in at his honeyed words, taking a rest in his strong arms. “I just want you to stay safe, you get that, don’t you?”

Some part of you can understand that. 

“I’m sorry if I had upset you, sweetest, but I want to make sure nothing happens to you.” Almost as if he is trying to emphasize his words, Kaeya’s arms squeeze around you tightly. “Please let me protect you,”

“I can protect you too, okay?” You stubbornly stare at him and the challenge that rests within your eyes makes his heart flutter. “and myself.”

“Do you promise me?” Kaeya dips his head down, brushing his lips over yours. 

“I promise.”

And he seals that with a kiss. 

Xiao

If, for some reason, you end up in a disagreement with Xiao and you tell him to politely ‘fuck off’; he will respect your wishes. Xiao will respect it and you by keeping a safe distance of 50 meters between the two of you. Sorry to say this (teehee not really) but the adeptus will not let you out of his sight. He makes it his duty to protect you so when he ends up being the one that hurts you, he works tenfold to make up for it. Quietly, he will follow until you’re ready to come back and talk with him once more. 

“Leave me alone, Xiao.” You didn’t have to even look over your shoulder to tell he was there. Still, you frown when you see your boyfriend behind you perched on the top of a large rock. Irritation blooms in your chest and you hastily try to swallow it down by taking a few more steps down the dirt path. 

“Okay.” His voice is soft, almost as it if he speaks it like a promise. You sigh out in relief, feeling a weight lifting off of your shoulders because sometimes you just need space. But then he appears on another boulder in front of you, teleporting, and it almost feels as if he is mocking you. 

Xiao watches you carefully, he doesn’t let his amber eyes leave your sight for even a second as you continue to aimlessly walk through the Bishui plain. Had you not known him so well, you would have thought he was angry. His face is hard as his hollow eyes stare and stare to make sure you feel his presence all around you. 

This is a normal Xiao. Protective and kind, always worrying about you almost more than needed. No amount of arguing or convincing could get him to see that you’re fine without him hovering around you every second of every day. The mere thought makes you wince and ache blooms in your chest at the harsh words spat between the two of you earlier in the evening. 

You shouldn’t have called him obsessive and paranoid. 

He shouldn’t have called you weak and helpless. 

Carefully, you glance over your shoulder to look at him. Xiao looks lonely on the rock, he feels distant as his eyes wash over you. Almost to ask what’s wrong, he subtly tilts his head. 

You’re not ready to give in, not yet. You keep walking, ignoring the gentle breeze of air transporting around you until you reach a familiar rock. 

The earthly object is not hard to climb, it sits low enough that you can place yourself on it without any work. It provides such a pretty view of the plains, and the gentle green and yellow accents never fail to provide you with comfort and a sense of stability. 

Xiao lets you have your breath of air, he watches as you stare longingly at the scene in front of you. He doesn’t glance at it once, he’s meant to protect Liyue and will do so with his entire being when it comes down to it but-

But, something claws in his chest and urges him to protect you even more.

If you want space, he will give it to you. However, he will always see to it personally that you get home safely. His mortal treasure is more precious to him than duties. 

He can only stand you angry at him for so long. 

Xiao’s footsteps are silent, he moves so quietly that you don’t hear him but you always feel him when he is near. You know that he is now standing beside you, just a little behind so that he doesn’t impose on your view. 

“Are you ready to forgive me?” Xiao, as much as he doesn’t know about mortal emotions, knows how this needs to go. He asks for forgiveness, you grant it to him then you’re not angry with him anymore. He sees the scene play out time and time again between couples at the Wangshuu inn, but he would never admit that he pays attention to them.

“Have you even apologized yet?” You glance back at him, brief judgment in your eyes but any of your fighting spirit had diminished hours ago. 

“Oh,” Xiao quietly gasps, hiding the noise as he gently sits down next to you, he forgot about that part, didn’t he? “I apologize.”

“I’m sorry.” 

You both blurt it out at the same time and a heavy air descends upon the two of you. Xiao shakes his head before tilting it away from you as he lets his eyes glance over rock to rock. 

“You’re not weak.” His soft tone almost makes you melt and the quiet murmur makes your cheeks burst with heat. “I don’t want anything to ever happen to you. If you call for me, I will always be there.” 

You smile, you smile at him and he feels the stiff heart in his chest thump. 

“I know, Xiao.” His eyes widen as you rest your hand over his own, how can you be so kind and understanding? “I shouldn’t have called you those things, I didn’t mean it, I was just angry and took it out on you.” Xiao almost finds it hard to focus, your touch is so soft and your lips are so full underneath the moonlight. Oh, how can’t he kiss you at this moment? “I like my space but, only if you’re there to share it with me.”

[updownlately]

i'm the definition of 'wreck' (if you look into my soul)

| leah williamson x reader | angst | 2.4k | inspo: time by nf / everywhere by niall horan | a/n: i tried to write angst, no idea how that went but here's what i got. technically since no names were named you can imagine any player from the arsenal wfc as 'her' but i wrote this with leah in mind bc well im a lw6 simp

~~~

It's been like this for weeks. This push and pull. The little things that work just a little harder each time to knock you over the edge. To be honest you don’t know how much of it you can take. And what’s worse is you know you’ve got nobody but yourself to blame. 

It’s when she’s leaving your shared bed early in the mornings, long before either of you need to be up. It’s the way she’d retire to bed later than she probably should, long after you’ve headed up, risking less sleep just to avoid contact. 

It shouldn’t be like this. Love shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn't be missed date nights, keys grabbed after every fight, doors slammed, sometimes more nights a week spent at hotels than your own bed.  Yet, it’s all you’ve ever known and the only thing you carry in your heart. This sad, broken, pathetic attempt at love is really all you have to offer.

In all honesty, you were shit at this relationship thing, though no one could blame you. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and yet you’ve begged and prayed that it would. And yeah you technically have control over your actions and should better yourself, but you’ve tried and failed over and over again. You’ve tried to improve, work on yourself, create a better version of you, but in the end, when everything’s burning and there’s napalm in the air and rubble all around you, all you’ll ever know is to grab your weapon, fire, and run. 

It’s left you alone, failed relationship after failed relationship. You swear you’ve tried. Tried to work on communicating, on breathing deep breaths before your anger builds up, on talking about your fucking feelings. Regardless, it’s never enough for yourself. You run, you hide, you lock yourself away until there’s nothing to find.

So when weeks and months pass and you see her each day with the light finally returning to her eyes you can’t help but be glad that she got rid of you. 

And when you feel so broken seeing her and her family after a game won at your home pitch, you quietly gather the shattered pieces of your heart and make your way toward the locker rooms with nobody but yourself to blame.

It's only as you pass the friends and family section that you can pick out her mother’s voice and your name being said in conversation, with a follow up question on how you’re doing, something you really don’t deserve after how you’ve treated her.

You’re very much aware that no matter how many times you fix your damaged heart and dull all the sharp edges, that you’ll still end up hurting those around you. So you speed up ever so slightly, shielding your already broken heart, cradling the pieces that had fallen ever so gently as they break further in your hands, careful not to cut anybody along the way. You swear you drop some pieces in your hurry, but with your rush you tell yourself you’d come back later to grab them (spoiler: you never do).

~

You end up showering and changing before anyone else has even made it back inside. Making a pit stop to confirm your departure and the following days’ schedules with your manager and coach, you check the time and head to your car.

It's late afternoon and while that helps expand your options for lunch, it also means you have one too many hours left in the day to survive before you can let yourself head to bed. Contemplating on how to spend the rest of your day, it’s your tiredness that makes the final decision. 

You grab a quick lunch, choosing to not head home and instead to the gym for a workout. It may not be one of your wiser decisions to have an extensive training session today, but with the free time on your hand and the voices in your head, there’s really no better option. 

Meeting up with your trainer, which by the way bless his heart for booking you at the last minute, you gather your gloves and handwrap and head towards the equipment. It’s as you run through your normal warm-up that you reflect on how pathetic your life’s become. 

For the past three months, you’ve damn near ceased to exist. Yeah your body’s still here, you’re waking up in the mornings, attending practices, playing in games, all the good stuff really, but you know you’re not there. A feeling you’re all too familiar with. The lack of care of what happens to your body, the way your slide tackles and play gets just a tad bit more dangerous each game, the way you keep training, choosing to ignore the idea of a recovery period, the way your car’s more comforting to you than the apartment you own. You’ve been here before and it wasn’t a good place then and it sure as hell isn’t now, but it's all you know and the only thing that’s never really left, so you’ll cherish it for as long as you can. You know that if anything and everything leaves, as they always seem to do, you’ll still have your companion in the darkness.

The sane part of you realizes how far gone you are, it tries, tries so helplessly hard to pull you back, remind you that you can be okay, but this time? This time you’re sure you’ve given up on trying to remember that. So you’ll do what you know best. Let it consume you. Let it destroy you. Pick you apart piece by piece. Let you slowly forget the feel of a sunny day and a good practice with the team. Rid you of the joy that comes with the pretty sunsets London Colney sometimes has to offer. And this time you’ll let it all happen with open arms, truly, honestly, finally exhausted.

An hour later when your trainer’s calling it a day and forcing you to take a break, you listen, if only to spare yourself a lecture. You grab your stuff, shower, change, and head out. You’ve still got a couple hours left to kill, and with your training bag and boots still in your car, it’s not a difficult decision of where to go. 

Opening your car door and entering, you can feel the day catch up to you, your body readily sinking into the driver's seat, almost protesting against your mind. You know you’ll be feeling these workouts tomorrow, but your mind’s not done racing yet. 

Lacing your boots a short while later, back at the training grounds, you grab your spare ball and warm-up once again, going through the motions. With how many hours you’ve spent at the grounds alone, you’ve developed a pretty consistent solo training session. It's the peace of being alone, a football at your feet, and a near-perfect grassy pitch at your disposal that your mind slowly begins to slow, finally tiring.

You thought you got lucky, a finally tired mind and the hour changing to one acceptable enough for sleep, but then your phone rings, an all too familiar caller ID flashing the screen.

Eight pm after a match in the afternoon is an odd time for your coach to be calling you and with curiosity getting the best of you, you scramble to answer the phone. Running through the pleasantries, you gently prod the reason for his call. 

The answer you get isn’t what you were expecting really, but then again, it was a miracle it had taken this long for it to be said.

“Your contract’s ending soon. wrapping up the third and headed into the final year. Any thoughts on your future?”

The tone in Jonas’ voice causes your heart to sink. This club had been home to you since you had left your own. Arsenal had accepted you with open arms from the start, being your saving grace when you had thought you were going to be subjected to living a broken life at a place that never felt like home. When they had renewed your initial two year contract into another four, you had been elated for your future. You had never felt more excited to be tied down to a place before. taking a silent deep breath, you push back the memories of that day and swallow your emotions effortlessly.

“Depends. What's my future at Arsenal looking like?”

“You tell me. You of all players know that chemistry in a team is what makes a team run, what makes a team successful.”

His response tells you everything you need to know. You know he wasn’t oblivious to what had happened. How your outgoing personality had slowly stopped being exactly that. The way that you had pulled away from your teammates, treating them like nothing more than colleagues rather than friends, treating your job as what it simply was, your job. But you never expected him to have let it impact your presence on the team. You knew what you were worth and what you brought to the table. You weren’t a goal scoring machine, or defensive unit, a tough protective wall. You were you. You played all your minutes like they were the last you’d ever play, heart left of the pitch (not that there was much left of it anyway). You were content with setting your teammates up, leading the league in assists. You were a decent tackler, winning more than two thirds of your face-offs on the regular. You knew your worth on the team, and your agent reminded you of it often enough too, mentioning the potential offers you could have from other clubs regardless of how many times you’d told him you didn’t plan to leave.

“Our on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. My on pitch chemistry hasn’t changed. We’re still a unit on the field Jonas and you know it. You know I have the utmost respect for you and this club, don’t let me think any differently.”

“A handful of clubs have reached out. Their offers are tempting to say the least.”

As much as it hurt you to say the next few words, you knew that taking any other stance would leave you stuck, broken for the umpteenth time. “I trust you to make the best decision for the club. At the end of the day, I wish nothing but the best for Arsenal.” 

The ‘with or without me’ goes unsaid but from the few years that you’ve worked with him, you knew for a fact that he had heard the unspoken words. As Jonas lets you know that while a decision had to be made, there wasn’t an immediate rush, you know for a fact that you’ll likely not be calling London home again. And when you both agree to reconnect a week from now, you’ve already accepted your fate. 

It’s an unusually silent drive home for you. The brief break you had earlier from your mind is long gone as you make a mental note to get in touch with your agent first thing tomorrow morning.

~

The post goes up after your last match of the season. While Arsenal had qualified for the Champions League once again, the team had gotten knocked out in the semis for the tournament, ending their season a few days early. It’s between the break of club football and world cup prep that your departure is announced, with no real destination said. If you hadn’t known that London wasn’t home for you anymore, the lack of a response besides an occasional story about the post from a few of your teammates solidified it. 

It's when Bayern upload their new signing post with you holding up your new jersey that the final nail in the coffin is hammered in. The way your move suddenly becomes real. The comments being said online. Speculation on why Arsenal decided to let you go despite your importance to their success. Why Bayern was who you chose. Why there was no lengthy farewell. The people were digging for any crumbs, any notions on why you may have left, but it was only you and your teammates that really knew, and you all chose to keep mum. 

It’s with the acceptance that you’re leaving do you feel absolutely unwanted and lost. And while you’d felt lost in your life before, it had never been like this. Feeling lost was when you were younger and couldn’t find your mother while at the toy store and when you had gotten your first failing mark in school. Feeling lost was when you were asked to leave your childhood home after coming out, no idea where to go. It was when you still got night terrors from the fights that your parents used to have even when you thought you had healed. But being lost had never felt like this. It had never reminded you that you had lost the only good in your life. That the only family you had ever loved didn’t want you anymore. That you hurt all those around you, people you promised to protect and love. That you had a gaping hole in your chest from a gun that you had fired. 

So as the weeks pass and the world cup comes and goes and you notice yourself slipping just a little more each day, you let it play out. You don’t know what your breaking point is but at this point you just don’t care enough to not find out, especially since you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

When you leave your bed early in the mornings, long before you need to be up just because sleep wasn’t coming to you and retire to bed later than you should just to avoid having to lay in a bed alone, you blame yourself. When you come home to an empty apartment in a new city, the loneliness amplified by the darkness you choose to adorn your apartment with, you have no one to turn to but yourself. And when you interact with your new teammates solely for work in fear of hurting them too, you remind yourself that you’re broken, only able to spread your misery rather than feel joy.

It never was supposed to be like this. Existing wasn’t supposed to be like this. But now it’s all you know and all you have. So when you wish you yourself could leave your body and soul behind, it wasn't hard to understand why she left you.

At the end of the day, when everything's done and gone, you at your core were a mess you didn't know how to control, a wreck of a soul, barely alive.

[astradreaming]

So a luke castellan x Apollo!reader

Idek how this would work but I had this idea after I read your ‘My Sweetheart’ blurb-

So tlt and Luke’s betrayal has occurred and the reader was in a relationship with Luke, pretty much exactly like ‘My Sweetheart’.

So ofc she’s still really offended and traumatised from that debacle. But she still loves him deep down. Anyway (at any point during the series, you decide) they’re going to use her as bait for Luke to come here. She agrees bc she doubts he’ll come, if he betrayed her surely he didn’t love her that much. But he does.

Anyway the campers give them some privacy and they have a really deep conversation, and she accepts that she still loves him. And then they all jump out and attack him and he realises she betrayed him, and he gets grievously injured.

But somehow, before they can realise she isn’t back yet, she goes back and heals him, bc she can’t leave him for dead, and she leaves him healed but hurting.

If you wanted to be evil you could even end it with ‘if you’d only been there to heal him that night in Manhattan.’ Feel free to change anything this is just a very long thought, xxx

house on a hill

this is a part two but it can be read separately :)

a/n: so sorry this took so long love, exams have been kicking my ass but i hope you enjoy this anyways ♡

masterlist

Luke Castellan admitted it.

He admitted it all, betraying camp to help rise Kronos, poisoning Thalia's tree, stealing the lightning bolt... Everything they said he did. He openly admitted.

He proudly admitted.

When you'd followed Annabeth into the woods after hearing Percy yelling for help, you didn't expect it to end you up at a Miami beach on Clarisse's quest.

After dealing with pirates and sirens, fighting a cyclops and a hydra you'd had your fair share of scares during this quest. But your biggest horror stood with a sword pointed at Percy.

Luke Castellan.

You'd thought long and hard about what you'd say to him, if you'd ever got the chance. Something along the lines of why? how dare you. why would you ever do this? or at the very least, was everything a lie?

But all your heartache and rage got stuck in your throat like a bad cough. All you could do was stand frozen and hope that it was all a bad dream.

He had the audacity to meet your eye. He stepped forward in your direction.

"Y/n I-" His voice broke as he quietly spoke.

Every single bit of shock in your body vaporized in a second, being replaced by lover's rage.

"Y/n? Y/n what? What do you possibly have to say to me" Your voice laced with venom.

He staggered froward, eyes shining with guilt. He tried to say something but you cut him off again.

"Do you know how long I defended you? Do you have any idea how stupid- no pathetic i felt when i got your letter telling me I was wrong about you. Do you know what it was like having everyone in camp thinking I'm a traitor too. Do you even care?" Your lip quivered as you leaning into yourself.

No matter how much you willed yourself not to, you felt the tears fall down your face. You were too blinded by emotion to notice the others regrouping behind you both.

"Of course I care y/n. I'm doing all of this because I care!" With each step he took towards you, you took stepping back.

"No! You're doing this because your spiteful!"

"I have every reason to be and you know it" He yelled his face contorted with fury. Flinching back you find what's left of your voice.

"You're being manipulated to start a war! And you're too hurt to see that. Luke, please. You've broken my heart but I still love you, don't play into the Titan's hand, come back to camp and right your wrongs. Together." Your voice a broken whisper, only to be heard by him and the Fates.

You swore to the Fates you saw a flicker in his eyes, a break in his warpath.

"All I want is the house we talked about, the one on the hill. With the trees out the front. With as many animals as you want, with the stupidest names we can come up with." His eyes fixated to the floor. He cleared his throat and looked so deeply at you it was like he was speaking to your soul.

"To get that life, a life with you. The gods must die. Their way is broken and wrong. It's just our turn, and only then will we be able to have peace y/n. Together.

While you stand frozen, appalled at the man in front of you, gone was the version on Luke you made those plans with, instead stood a pawn of a Titan.

Unbeknownst to you both Percy had finished summoning an Iris message to camp.

Luke finally noticed, ordered the monsters his army to attack in retaliation. You and your friends outnumbered when suddenly The Party Ponies narrowly come to the rescue. However you'd stayed stunned throughout it all.

Centaurs, half bloods, Cyclops' all fought one another. The loud sound of battle didn't render, instead silence ringing through your head.

You wanted to believe the old Luke was still in there somewhere, but as your focus zeroed in on him. Watching him fight without mercy. You saw no resemblance of the boy you love.

Perhaps if you kept hope, kept faith in him. You could have helped him long before Manhattan. Maybe there was another universe where Annabeth wasn't the only one who could see the old Luke buried down below. And maybe in that universe you both got that house on the hill...

[billdenbrough]

fem kevaaron, 790w, for @naturecalls111, inspired by this sketch mina and i stayed up way too late bc of reasons that were mostly my fault, so i wrote this for her the morning of our suffering as a virtual coffee substitute. wasn't originally planning to share it anywhere except just to her but we kept talking about it & now the doc has spiralled beyond its original purpose so i figured, ok, i could share the original scene. kevin is down horrendous

There’s a box of Frosted Flakes in the upper corner of the kitchen shelf.

Kevin knows this, because she put them there.

She’d done it with altruistic motives in mind—saving the twins from a life of cavity and sugar-induced stamina failures on the court (extremely embarrassing, mostly for Kevin, but probably them too)—but she’s having a hard time remembering that now.

Aaron got out of the shower about fifteen minutes ago, see. Her hair had been wrapped up in a loose twist of her towel, but her cereal-obtaining endeavours had involved some attempts at jumping—Kevin had paused in drinking her smoothie for a longer moment than she’s proud to think about—and now it’s half-fallen out. Aaron pays no notice. She has her hands on her hips, and she’s scowling up at the shelf.

“Fucking Nicky,” she mutters, which—Kevin can’t decide if she’s pleased to be spared Aaron’s wrath, or if she’s dismayed that Aaron thinks there’s a universe where Kevin and Nicky have interchangeable actions.

Her hair is making the shoulders of her shirt damp. It’s a loose, worn thing, so thin at some parts of the chest that it feels indecent to look. (Kevin still does, of course. She’s not in the habit of denying herself the things she wants.) There’s a discoloured album cover on the front: a bared throat, a naked collarbone, and a band name hidden by the way Aaron has it half-tucked into her shorts, but Kevin knows from prior observation is semi-faded anyway.

Aaron turns around, and for a moment, Kevin thinks she’s going to ask for assistance. She’s still deciding what she’ll say—her rational brain’s firm absolutely not warring with her appalling animal instinct’s drawling what’ll you give me if I do?—when she realises Aaron is planting her palms flat on the counter behind her. She bends her knees, as if to launch herself up. Okay, no.

Kevin moves quickly, slipping off her barstool and making her way around the kitchen island to stand next to Aaron, too close for Aaron to continue her action without knocking into Kevin.

“You could just ask for help,” Kevin says. She’s kind of looming over Aaron like this. It’s not a new sensation, but it kickstarts something in her chest every time.

Aaron glares up at her. “You could have offered,” she points out, which is true. Kevin’s been keeping her gaze fixed on Aaron’s face so she doesn’t get too obviously distracted by the swell of Aaron’s tits through the (genuinely loosest possible, Kevin is just a fucking degenerate, probably) fabric of her shirt, but it’s kind of backfiring now. The way Aaron looks, glaring up at Kevin, is just as hard to look away from. She’s close enough that Kevin can see her eyelashes, even as light as they are.

Kevin clears her throat. “That’s too close to an endorsement of your terrible dietary choices,” she says.

“Oh my god,” Aaron mutters. She’s relaxed her grip on the counter now, just leaning against it. The position has her arm resting lightly against Kevin’s stomach. It’s a searing heat through Kevin’s gym tank. “Then stop complaining and let me get it myself,” Aaron says, shifting a little to re-balance her hands on the counter. Her chest heaves with the movement, and Kevin’s eyes follow the motion, unbidden.

It’s that, more than anything, that makes Kevin swallow a sigh and say, “Fine.” Aaron glances at her before she can get her gaze away completely, but she hopes it’s a blink and you’ll miss it kind of thing, not the pathetically obvious ogling that Neil accused her of last week in the world’s worst whisper after Kevin’s eyes strayed over to the backliners’ section of practice, where Aaron was trash-talking Nicky with a sharp grin while Nicky tried to step on her heels.

Kevin reaches up to the shelf, stretching a little for the box. She’d pushed it towards the back of the shelf, hoping the extra effort required would deter Nicky too, so now she has to twist a little to get her arm far enough in. She huffs as she manages to close her fingers around it, pulling it down.

“Here,” she says, turning to Aaron, who’s suspiciously quiet. She’s not looking at Kevin, exactly; more like she’s looking to the left of her, eyes firmly fixed.

“Thanks,” Aaron says, grabbing the box. She glances up at Kevin. Her cheeks are a little pink. There’s a slight scrunch to her nose, like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t, just steps back.

Kevin nods, then realises her shirt’s ridden up a bit. She absentmindedly adjusts it.

There’s a small noise, like a swallow, but when Kevin looks up, Aaron is nowhere to be found.

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

Do you have any NSFW headcanons for batcrow?

gosh, do i ever! 

i’ll admit this ask took me longer than it should have. i had struggled to figure out how to spell my 'main' naughty hcs in like, one page max. but i failed miserably to accomplish this, so prepare yourself for the walls of text instead. somehow, it turned into an essay along the way.

still, to keep this at least somewhat modest leght, i will mostly talk about comicverse two here. the arkhamverse duo requires their own large paragraphs *even if bc there are two slightly different versions of crane within the same universe*, which would make this post even more bulky, than it already is. n' btas one would prob get the same amount of words, that i have for comicverse. so they all will have to wait lol.

but welp, i have to say, i love it when one part of my otp is kinda knows what they want an' what they're doing. while the other one is kinda either fully or partly lost. i find it funny, how bruce n' jon invented chad vs virgin meme, before it was actually made lol. even if it's not all that simple.

either way, i can't imagine a middle aged virgin like crane to know to a ‘t’ what he wants in sex. he sorta / kinda knows what he wants at best, but he also kinda doesn't know shit. as for bruce, while he had a fair share of experience with different people, n’ therefore expirience with different sexual preferences, he’s also kinda…not into anything too specific himself? well, not really. at least from what i saw, it’s hard for me to picture him having some set in stone kink, that he would indulge in with every person he sleeps with. in fact, i feel like he tends to go along with what his partner wants vs what he might have wanted. which adds to all those layers of why having sex with jon is actually a good thing for both of them lol. so my first hc is that while they both clearly would have prefs n' kinks, it's smth that needs to be expolored. bruce have more knowlege about the subject, but like jon, he has a very shaky conection with his own deepest desires. the big bad bat cannot let himself fully enjoy anything. instead, he sticks to 'simple' stuff, that feels 'safer' to approach vs examining those 'hiden' sides of his brain. i think, bruce would be afraid to emotionally rely on someone in this fashion as well. he's the kind of man, who in the end of the day, craves intimicy that he assumed would come with sex. but boy, was he dissapointed. he can still enjoy good sex, but sometimes, it's like all that he can get from it. n' after so many 'fails', he usually would tell himself, that it's better this way. don't show too much of yourself, don't get too invested, beyond what feels nice in the moment. but then, comes jonathan n' throws a wrench into everything, like he usually does by accident or not.

n' i really like how both bruce n’ jon deep down associate sex with romance. or smth inclosed in this vein. with years of heartbreak, bruce clearly abandoned this notion. not fully, but mostly. love doesn’t work out nor does it last. crane is even worse in this sense. he had learned by bitter firsthand experience how not only romance, but compassion is smth that he can’t have. he can only speculate about those things. even if he's so desparate for it, that unlike bruce, he'd be more openly, pathetically pinning for even a small chance of this to come true. he'd be figthing even for a scrap. so it's good, that he n' bruce want the same thing. they can eventually met each other half way. even if they also will have to eventually put their back into it, vs being paranoid about everything.

now as we know, crane clearly has a type *shallow one, but still*, n' bruce is an embodiment of it. the walking imagery of ancient horror figure n’ dashing knight from woman’s romantic novels in one single mix. what a lucky catch for him. on the contrary, jon himself is pretty much everything, that you don’t see in bruce’s many bedmates. crane isn't curvy, nor he openly flirty or daring. even his costume is baggy n' in most designs there isn't any skin showing at all. he does not tempt or seduce or does anything esp attractive. jonathan not anywhere close to males or females, who bruce might have felt lust toward. he’s his own category, n’ this exactly what makes him stand out in a way. body is just a body, but it’s the only part you can see n’ touch. learning that you want to touch someone bc of what you see in them vs what you see on outside is an experience on its own. n' it goes both ways, since while i do think, that scarecrow was at first more focused on batman's looks n' aestetics, it eventually grew into smth else. for bruce, it's the other way around. he was more interested in crane's inner build, even from crimefigthing point n' then found that he doesn't mind how he's looks either. he even finds certain aspects of it attractive. so my other hc, is that crane lusts for bruce first *naturally*, n' then begins obtaining fee-fees along the way.

the next big thing for me, *which i meantioned in the beginig* is that in all versions of scarebat, i picture that jonathan is a prudish virgin, who is also comically horny. basically, he’s one of those people, who would harbor all kinds of longings, but look at everyone else like on a pervert, when they do the same thing lol. crane isn’t himself, if he’s not a huge hypocrite. he’s also not self-aware enough to notice his own slip-ups. bruce kinda does, but he’s generous about it. the only instance, where he won’t take selfish pleasure in bullying jon is this. he, actually canonically seem to leave this subject alone, which is nice of him. even tho, he could like, really drag jonathan about the whole 'handsome, large jock thing', bc no straight man would ever refer to another men like that. but jon is in the closet, without knowing it. everyone else kinda do, but they also never talk about it. rogue's version of bro code bruce certanly won't talk about it, either.

but the favor is never returned, bc jonathan would be on the bat instantly, if he noticed some kind of odd response. it's in his nature to be mean n’ prying. he can’t help himself, even if it goes beyond creepy in some cases. that’s the dual wields of being a deviant n’ a total virgin. he also prob assumes, that bruce will be into females only. n' he's no female. he's just a cranky, ugly twink lol. so if the bat would begin act weird around him, it's breathtaking in its own right. that's like, his wildest *wet* dream coming true. you can't hope for him to be normal about it. crane would throw himself into this, like a sad desperate loser he is. *i'm always calling him those things with upmost love, do not fret*

meanwhile, bruce with all that sexual experience of his *prob less so with men tbh* is kinda not fully sure how to go about things. it won’t take much for jon to cream his pants, realistically. n’ yeah, literally cum before even the main action will begin. i feel like between btas n’ arkhamverse, comicverse crane is the most ‘easy’ one. the other two will at least attempt to calm themselves down to not look ‘stupid’ n’ inexperienced, comicverse jon is like, never this 'cool'. which makes the bat feel a tad torn, since i don’t think that he was with many virgins before, n’ he also cannot just mentally ‘rely’ on his partner doing what he thinks they want from him here. he has to improvise n’ also let himself do what he wants as result, which is so scandalous lol. but he would eventually get that crane won’t do what he wants, unless bruce will start doing it first. the sex was never scarier, than this. where you actually have to enjoy yourself fully [gasp]

humble the ‘sex god’ bruce is my kink, i guess. prob will become jon’s too, once *or if* he realize what kind of ‘power’ he has. no women had this power over the bat. bc bruce knows what to do with them. with jon, he has to learn those things. has to let himself go a bit too. less of cinematic kisses an' grouping with the catwoman, n' more of slightly messy n' fumbling encounter with the 'crow. jon not knowing how to kiss *but agressivly tries to learn* will just add to this lol.

n' while scarebat will always have power struggle / power imbalance in their dynamic, even given their statuses as villain n’ the hero, in certain areas, it might get flipped on its head. in my head, bruce does to a degree view his sexual encounters with crane as isolated experience. n’ he doesn’t know what to do with this revelation, esp bc he has a lot of things to compare it to. bruce is all about self-control n’ strong will, its wild for him to be this…exposed n’ aching for intimacy yet again, i suppose. n’ that’s not even about his pride or anything, it’s just plainly dangerous n’ scary. every fiber of his being would be tense n’ doubtful about repercussions of what to come, if this fails or backfire too. n’ it all despite the fact, that if there is one villainous plot that batman can be certain for crane to not ever use, it’s this. jonathan is manipulative *his faulty brain would make him act like that*, but not in that instance.

on his end, jonathan basking in this new thing, but he’s scared for different reasons. mostly, to be abandoned later on. for this to end for whatever reason. so he might grow more active / somewhat pushy at times. unlike the bat, he has nothing to compare this to, not any other person to learn from / with, but bruce. n' he’s not interested in trying those things to later on use them on someone else, he only cares to figure out what responses bruce has. the obssessive focus, that they share, but that disorientating all the same. esp for bruce. he’s not stranger to have people or his rogues being hyperfixated on him, even with sexual undertones, but he wasn’t in actual center of such an obsession before this moment. in center, where he actually allowed access to his person. it's also new to be with someone, who isn't apt in this or does smth to be seductive or to show off, it's just yet another attempt to figure the other out, just in different ways. an' without ulteror motive for once. tho, crane also be more offten than not selfish about this too, if he give the room to roam so to speak. some discipling be needed from time to time, but this part bruce knows like the back of his hand. jon also knows the back of batman's hand, considering that it had slapped him at least twice during their fights in the past lol.

their sex can be anything tho. rough, gentler, slower thing, smth in between. it’s situational, whimsical n’ depends on the mood of both parties. crane is usually more horny, than bruce. the years of his sexual frustration could move a mountain at this point. he’s greedy, but he also can be sustained with 'lesser' things, which are just as 'big' to him. heavy petting, handjob, just rutting would do the trick. n' this i think, bruce also usually doesn't have time to be doing. or whoever he had sex with, had no time for this.

as for what kinks they might have, well, there is too many to list them all up. esp since sometimes, i can see certain characters having some…uh, weird prefs, that i myself not a big fan of even visually, but in my mind eye, i can see that exact character possibly having it. like, all comicverse scarecrows are serial killers *besides the period of time, where all villains were just robing banks* some stuff would be more intense with jon, than if bruce would simply fucked someone who loves him. crane, isn't just in love or just obssessed, he is obssessedly loves him. so body worship is surely be a thing for jon, when it comes to the bat. n’ not like a cute, sweet kind, but an over-attentive, needy one. the more skin he can acess the better, all while, crane would insist on keeping some of his own clothes on, or his mask or just try to hide his face, since his appearance is the biggest insecurity of his. bruce will have to be crafty about this one, bc for him it’s not an issue. but it’s hard to make it stop being one for jonathan, who had this mentality his whole life. his not pretty or bosomy. dude barely has fat on his ass, but there is a novelty to a figure, that is all skin, bones n’ tight muscle. can press a hand to stomach n’ almost feel up how organs lie there, or a dick. now, bruce just have to find ways to show it.

speaking of dicks, while jonathan had always thought that bat is hung, actually seeing it in person would make him feel odd things. on y’know, masochistic spectrum kind of odd. he won’t mind to be choked on it for one, or that it would often slightly hurt, if he had to fit it inside himself. he does want to be actually wrecked like this sometimes. n’ it’s rare when bruce can let himself be this aggressive with anyone else. even if sometimes, he does want to be mean. he has anger issues, no matter how much he tries to repress them. having someone, who won’t judge him for it or look at him side-ways after those moments will surely help. jonathan knows a lot about the bat’s anger, even if via their stand offs. it doesn’t shock him. or like scares him, if he knows that this roughness isn't out of negative emotions toward him. but then again, i don't imagine that jonathan's thoughts are super coherent, when they intimate together. usually, he's relieved n' happy, that it happens again n' again. n' thinks about details more rationally later. he also understand some 'abuse' n' kinda can ignore the other, so this can be a bit of an issue in some cases. but it's more of specific set up, i think. vs like general one.

on a more specific note, i strictly see the bat as top, n’ jonathan as bottom. i rarely have ships, where characters switch. in 99 cases, those ratios are how i see dynamic in its core. jonathan is very submissive. esp submissive to the bat. even if this doesn’t mean, that he can’t be more assertive, despite being the one who takes it up the ass. even if comicverse crane is usually this, when batman in specific state or when he’s with bruce, not the bat. he still have that mean, bossy stick up there. unless, it's bloodrain version of scarebat, where jon is submissive as fuck almost all the time in every sense n' way. n' bruce is very pushy n' greedy. to the point, where it’s a wonder how crane even survives them fucking so many times in the row. i mean, evil bruce isn’t a very considerate lover lol. even if there is love in it, he's also goes at it like a hungry animal. that particular jon would dig it, but it's not healthy or actually good for him. n' this time around, bruce isn't sane enough to put a stop to this either. but once again, i feel like some kinks / dynamics n' issues can be very specific an' depend heavily onto au or situation, it all happening in. like almost every ship, scarebat can be good for those involved, n' it also can be not very good, or rather clearly dangereous, but it'll be akin to being stuck inside the car without breaks. can as well push onto gas pedal, while you at it, then. or try to jump out of car.

another bit of hc, is that jonathan is pretty noisy n’ whiny. every touch pushes a sound out of him. bruce is more silent, so getting noises out of him is rewarding. crane savors every bit n’ every note, when he gets those. bruce thinks, that jon’s noises are kinda cute. no one was ever this vocal, when he touched them before. crane is also shit at trying to keep said noises behind his teeth. he’s too sensitive. n’ blushes like a tomato too. not very elegant or graceful in that sense, but it’s very real n’ not what the bat is used to. jon still be an incel about it at times tho, don’t worry. not all his comments will be ‘flattering’, bc ‘of course, handsome, big jocks would be good at this’. or ‘what reservations with this a thot like you can have’. but hey, at least, bruce will have smth else to shut him up with besides a fist, this time around. 

i also think, that in aus, where crane involved with either only batman or bruce, he would act kinda differently with both of them. despite, the fact that if he tried to sleep with them both within the same story, he would have figured out instantly that bruce is the bat. while in masks, jon n’ bruce can act tougher, or meaner, but the core is all the same. they are the same dude each time, even if they both love distancing themselves from their maskless attires. i do find it sad n’ funny at the same time, since them being involved like this woudl throw a wretch into this whole narrative. like, who sleeps with crane, the symbol of justice or a man, who the bat claims does not exist n’ only serves as a daytime disguise? n' who earns for such a closeness, the master of fear, who is supposed to be ‘above’ it, or a lil loser jonathan crane, who should be long ‘gone’ n' replaced with sinister scarecrow? 

them being forced to deal with their mental problems, while bumping uglies is the best self-therapy that they can get prob. so once again, scarebat having 'spooky' sex in ways, where emotions are scary is just such a good stuff. can enjoy the ride, but all those pesky 'problems' are still there. like, if their sexual encounter can’t be smth, it’s ‘casual’. full-time commitment right here.

inside crane’s faulty mind, this checks all the boxes. held hands, had a kiss, fall in love, had sex. they are basically married now lol. i mean, he IS crazy, all things considering, so him being able to fuck n’ be close with the bat will only make certain delusions of his way worse. his jealousy will get worse too. gonna throw hands with the joker n' catwoman each time, he sees them near batman lol.

[bunmurdock]

omg i’m so glad you liked my ask from a few days ago 🙈 the dark!mm brainrot is so real and i’m glad i finally have someone to yap ab him with 😭

now listen, i looooove manipulative!dark!mm who knows just what to say to get you to acquiesce to him,  who knows he’s drop dead gorgeous and uses it to his advantage, who has an established career and enough money to flaunt it when he wants to BUT hear me out…

a matt murdock that’s still dark and manipulative, but not totally comfortable doing so. like, he’s kinda pathetic and very much a loser but he just can’t help being attracted to you? like, he knows that his knee-jerk reaction to passing you in the hallway shouldn’t be making a u-turn to follow you just to try and memorize your class schedule, your favorite hangouts, the little nook in the library that you tend to hibernate in when finals are coming up. matt shouldn’t need to know every little thing about you... but he does, and it pisses him off so much that he starts testing you, jeering and subtly taunting you to gauge if you’re worth all the effort he’s put in to get to know you. when you start arguing back and spitting out insults and barbs of your own, he’s practically giddy, floating on cloud nine for the entire week after he gets you to spit out his first name like it was a curse. 

he’d had to hide his hard-on with his bookbag as he’d fled the lecture hall but it was 100% worth it.

it’s his way of ‘courting’, but you only see it as this random guy in your class being an asshole for no reason. so while matt’s like “omg i can’t wait for class tomorrow, hopefully she wears that perfume i like :)”, you’re dreading going to class bc that douchebag murdock is going to be there and you can’t fucking stand him. 

the poor thing is so delusional that he actually starts believing that you like him back (wayyyy before the hook up during finals week from the last ask). he overhears you venting to your friends about the shithead in one of your classes that keeps picking on you. matt (crouching and hiding in the bushes, probably) is all riled up, wondering who the fuck was bothering his girl and planning to pay them a visit (and maybe rough 'em up a bit), only to get severely humbled when one of your friends asks what your tormenter’s name was and you say “matthew fucking murdock” in that same icy tone as before.

but this time, it feels as though you'd dumped the iced latte in your hand over his head. he SULKS for a week straight, a dark storm cloud rumbling over his head as he gives you the cold shoulder during class. you’re having a good time, obviously, bc you don’t have matt criticizing you every other second but he’s angry and confused, fuming but also bewildered bc he thought he’d been flirting?? if you’d just told him how much he was bothering you instead of fighting fire with fire, he’d have eased up a bit and changed his approach but nooooooo. he had to find out by eavesdropping overhearing you ranting to your little friends. 

i don’t want this ask to be as long-winded as the others but i wanted to share the love i have for loser!pathetic!mm, the little known and underappreciated subsidiary of dark!mm

-⭐️

this. this is true loser!mm. girl i'm not gonna lie i'd both be terrified and repulsed by him.

i think to be matt murdock is to feel internal conflict, and in a darker timeline, i fear this could be him given his tragic upbringing and fear of abandonment. all it'd take is one little thing to pique his attention for him to be head over heels. but he doesn't know how to talk to you, let alone believe that he has a real chance at a normal life with you. and so he develops a twisted way of communicating his intentions to you.

maybe the evening after the whole ordeal with your friends, you catch a masked man slipping in through your window. he crowds you up against the wall before you get the chance to reach for your pepper spray. says he just wants to smell your hair, and you acquiesce with tears in your eyes as he presses his nose up against the crown of your head. says you could have been everything, but you had to go and ruin it but that you'll have a chance to make it up to him over the next few weeks. you file a restraining order and move to new neighborhoods. but he finds you in a matter of days every time.

share your mm thoughts

[mintys-musings]

Rinne Amagi x Anzu x Madara Mikejima - Work Place Bonding Exercise

Happy birthday to Rinne Amagi~ hehe being self indulgent here- Held off from posting this little present on just Madara’s bday bc it involves the two of them. it's not techincally his bday everywhere currently but it is in my area. so... 💚 love my taurus men

(also i wrote this at midnight and didn't proofread so glhf im just copy pasting it from my doc into here)

Summary: Madara comes back after a month working overseas only to find Anzu has become rather close to a certain boisterous bee. (aka: Anzu Ensemble Stars thanks the heavens above for giving her two men to fuck her) Tags: slight jealousy, threesome, size kink, spitroasting, deepthroating, face fucking, degradation, praise, dacryphilia, mild mind break, office sex, squirting, unprotected sex, breeding/impreg mention (because im predictable), top!Madara Mikejima, top!Rinne Amagi, bottom!Anzu Ensemble Stars Word Count: 1399

NSFW under cut~

Madara wondered if this situation would still have happened if he was here the entire month instead of overseas. If he could just have Anzu all to himself instead of “sharing” with this loudmouthed asshole named Rinne Amagi. A small grunt escaped his lips as he roughly thrusted in and out of his precious producer. Her cries of pleasure are muffled by the cock filling her mouth.

It was after hours in the ES building. The only reason any of them were there was because of Anzu. Not because she needed help with anything. But because the two men couldn’t possibly leave her side while she works late. Madara couldn’t leave her alone with Rinne, and Rinne wouldn’t leave just to piss Madara off. Anzu was not about to let them start arguing, but tensions rose and-

“Kyaha~ You look fucking pathetic gaggin’ on my dick like that. Is it too big for you, producer~?” Rinne grabbed Anzu by the hair and moved her head up and down as he pleased. The lewd gags and gurgling noises were her only response.

Madara scowled at the way Rinne was treating Anzu like some toy. But truthfully, if he could see her face, he’d see the glassy, brainless look in her teary eyes- Just pure submission to being used by the two large men. Whether Rinne was happy about sharing was yet to be seen. 

“So hot~ Ya make a better whore than a producer. Can’t wait ‘til I get to fill that cute pussy of yours.” Rinne’s eyes flickered to Madara with a wicked smirk on his face. “‘Course I gotta wait for this guy to finish. Lost prize to go first when you moaned his name before mine.”

“Don’t talk to her like that.” Madara’s words came out in a frustrated groan. Anzu tightened up with each comment. His hands moved to spread her cheeks a little so he could see her pussy swallowing his cock, the base slightly glistening with wetness under the fluorescent light. “Fuck- Anzu- You’re taking me so well. Mama’s so proud of you~” He still took the time to praise her as he pulled her hips back against his.

Anzu let out a muffled squeal, nails digging into Rinne’s thighs as Madara got rougher in order to get more reactions out of her. If he wasn’t so focused on Anzu, he’d see the deep frown that formed on the redhead’s face as her attention was pulled away for even a second. Tears streamed down her face as she tried her best to breathe. Madara’s dick was reaching every sensitive part inside her with every thrust.

“Does it feel good, princess?” The hand that wasn’t holding her up by the waist moved down. His fingers rubbed expertly at her clit and her knees buckled slightly from trembling.

Rinne, not one to be left out, shoved Anzu’s head down onto his dick further. He could see the tears and it just made him throb even more. “C’mon, slut,” he growled. “Mama’s spoiling you too much. Ya gotta work a bit for me.”

“I’m not spoiling her.” Madara huffed, “Even if I was, she’s cute. So she deserves special treatment.”

“Yeah. Real fuckin’ cute, but she’d look cuter with cum all over her.”

Anzu did not mean to moan as delightedly as she did at the comment, but it sent shivers down Rinne’s spine as she slobbered all over him. He pulled her up by the hair in a moment of mercy so she could breathe. As soon as he did, whines and whimpers were added to the sounds coming from the three of them. She mouthed and kissed noisily along his dick, panting as she did so. “God- You’re too good at this. You were made to take cock, weren’t you?” Rinne was practically drooling at the sight himself, gripping the table he was leaning against for support.

“Only for you two~” Anzu purred, words slurred and slightly delirious. As she pumped his cock, she marveled at how small her hand looked wrapped around it. There was already a thick cock in her pussy splitting her in two. So the thought of having to take another was sending her mind into a tizzy. Even more so when she imagined having to take both at once.

Rinne groaned, gripping her hair to steady her.

“Open.”

As soon as she did as asked, Rinne shoved her head down onto him once more. Neither of the men were coordinating their thrust. They just kept going at it to fulfill their own selfish pleasure. Madara less so, but either way it meant that there was barely a moment when the producer wasn’t being filled by someone. And she loved it. Being used so thoroughly by both someone with no qualms in roughing her up and someone who took care to not hurt her in any way- Heavenly. Not to mention the fact both of these men were much larger and muscular. Being manhandled by one was already a dream. So to have both of them do so made her lose any sense of shame or control. She would be good for them alone so long as they continued to pleasure her like this.

With Anzu focused on the task at hand, Rinne didn’t last much longer. Her mouth was just too good. She was too good. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think she practiced. He would later find out that she maybe did. He pulled her up by the hair once more, free hand moving to jack himself off. With a groan, he blew his load all over her face and chest, decorating her skin with his cum. Some of it got on her tongue and she swallowed like the good girl she was. But most of it dripped down her cheeks and the corners of her lips with some splattering down onto her breast. She giggled happily, sucking lightly on his softening cock as Rinne stroked her hair.

Madara gave a deep thrust- enough to make Anzu lurch forward slightly. “Don’t forget about me here, princess.” He grabbed both of her forearms to pull behind her back, making her stand up slightly. “Mama’s almost done.”

He leaned forward to nip at her earlobe. “Mama’s going to fill your pussy with his cum~ You want that, right princess? You want Mama’s hot, sticky cum inside of you?”

Anzu nodded dumbly, moans tumbling out of her mouth. “Please~” She begged, moving her hips in time with him as best she could. Her toes curled as she felt a familiar knot form in her abdomen. “I want it~ I want it so badly~”

A hand moved to her jaw, moving her head so she’d look back slightly. Just enough so Madara could kiss her and shove his tongue into her mouth.

Rinne let out a low whistle as he slowly stroked himself to the sight. Of course, he wouldn’t just remain a passive watcher. His mouth latched onto one of Anzu’s nipples while his free hand pinched and tugged at the other, eliciting another delicious moan out of the producer.

Anzu couldn’t take it anymore. Surprising even her, she felt a spike of pleasure shoot through her as she squirted around Madara’s cock. She could very faintly hear both men curse in awe at the display of her trembling, small frame. It barely registered in her fucked out brain that they both stopped their actions to watch the liquid dribble out of her pussy. Though it definitely did register when they started again.

Madara shoved two fingers into her mouth as he pounded into her with a new vigor. Rinne squeezed and sucked her breasts hungrily, his cock now hard all over again. The two men managed to work her into another orgasm all over again before Madara snapped his hips to hers one final time. 

His tip was practically against her cervix as he came, painting her insides white. He moaned as he thrusted slowly a few more times before pulling out. “Good job, princess,” he mumbled, kissing her shoulder.

Anzu whined into the air as she was spun around and shoved towards Rinne. Impatient and horny, Rinne pressed his tip up to her leaking cunt. “Let’s mix my cum into you too~ I wanna see what kind of kid pops out later after we're done with ya…”

[rocksinmuffin]

just realized you write for twst!! may i request some more ace and deuce being jealous bc their best friend / crush is being courted by a literal fae prince and smh they just can’t compete with that

God thank you so much you are the first (and so far, only) person to request Twisted Wonderland and this is exactly my shit 😤

~*~

Ace would never admit it to anyone, but he considers Deuce a rival.

Not when it comes to studies. Deuce is dumb as a sack of bricks. And, sure, most of the time Ace’s grades aren’t much better, but that’s just because he’d rather not waste any time studying. If he ever put any effort into his classes, he would be fine. Deuce actually tries and he’s still in the bottom of their class.

He doesn’t consider him a rival when it comes to sports, either. Deuce is probably more athletic than Ace is, but they just don’t share the same interests. Because Ace likes cool sports like basketball while Deuce is content to focus on track. It’s hard to be upstaged by a guy just running in big circles.

But when it comes to love? Well…

There’s nothing more pathetic than the way Deuce stares you down like a lovesick puppy whenever you aren’t looking. He’s so obvious about it! The way his expression gets so soft and how his fingers twitch like he wants to reach out and hold your hand but is way too much of a coward to actually do anything. It’s irritating. Especially when you speak to Deuce in a softer tone than you ever do with him. Your gentle encouragements are nothing like the playful barbs you exchange with Ace. Not that Ace would ever trade your back-and-forth for anything but would it kill you to be that sweet with him every once in a while?

And maybe some of Ace’s irritation is colored by the fact that he also has feelings for you but Ace thinks that even if he didn’t have a crush on you it would still be annoying.

Still, rivalry aside, Ace knows that Deuce has his back when it really matters. And right now, there’s a bigger threat vying for your affection than the two of them combined.

Ace has no idea how you even met Malleus Draconia. As far as Ace is aware, the guy usually has himself holed up within Diasomnia’s dorms most of the time and, when he isn’t, he’s got a whole entourage of bodyguards glaring at anyone who so much as sneezes in the Prince of Briar Valley’s general direction. Well, to be fair, Sebek is the only one ever glaring, but the point still stands. How you managed to get close to the guy is a mystery.

And there’s no denying you are close. The two of you might just be talking—and no matter how hard Ace strains his ears and stares at your mouth as if he’ll suddenly learn how to read lips, he still can’t manage to make out what the two of you are saying—but everything about Malleus’ body language broadcasts his interest.

It’s the way his shoulders loosen up, much more relaxed than the stiff and rigid way he carries himself in public. It’s the way the corner of his lips tilt upward whenever you speak when the only other smiles Ace has ever seen from the guy were thinly-concealed threats. It’s the way his eyes soften around the edges as he looks at you like you’re his whole world.

Ace knows that look. He’s caught Deuce giving you that look enough times to recognize it for what it is. He’s given you that same look so many times there’s no way he could misinterpret the love and desire and affection of that gaze.

Ace’s only saving grace is that you’re as oblivious to Malleus’ feelings as you are to everyone else’s. If you ever did find out, it would be game over. Because how is anyone supposed to compete with a literal prince? It’s not fair.

Lucky for Ace, he’s never been one to play fair in the first place.

Ace steeples his hands under his chin as he schemes, eyes on you. You’re so dense you’d never figure out Malleus likes you unless he confesses. And he can’t confess if you’re too distracted to give him the time of day.

Ace glances over to Deuce. Deuce is chewing on his bottom lip, eyes hardened and fingers digging into his lap. He looks like he wants to start a fight with Malleus but—for once in his life—he’s smart enough to know that’s a fight he can’t win.

Deuce only looks away from you when Ace nudges him in the arm. Deuce glares. Ace shrugs his head in your direction. Deuce raises an eyebrow then nods his head in understanding. No words are exchanged. None are needed.

Ace rears back and aims a punch for Deuce’s jaw at the same time that Deuce’s fist makes impact with Ace’s right eye.

They aren’t scuffling for long before Ace can hear your voice screaming in his ears, hands yanking at the back of his jacket to physically pull him and Deuce away from each other.

You’re lecturing them. Telling them how stupid and immature they are and how you’re always having to keep them in line. Your hands are on your hips and your brows are furrowed in that cute way they always do when you’re mad. Deuce looks genuinely cowed by your words, clearly upset to have disappointed you, but Ace has to bite back the smirk eating at his lips when he notices Malleus is long gone.

His eye has swollen shut but, five minutes later, when you’re fussing over him and pressing ice to his bruise, Ace can’t help but feel like he’s won.

[lonelinessmademecrazy]

You said you've been writing down (or rather, typing up) whatever comes to your head when you first wake up. Would you be comfortable sharing some of the things you've written?

Sure, I see no harm in that. Some of the dates are a bit off due to me forgetting what days I had or had not accounted for.

Also, this will probably have a “read more” section bc this is LONG.

6/1/24

pasta would be better without the wait time. Why can’t it be packaged like udon?

6/2/24

No, I’m not paying for your tax write-off of a vacation

6/3/24

I’m not a monster. I’m not a creature. I’m not a god. I’m human. I’m normal. I’m perfectly normal.

6/6/24

Just like the coocoo bird effect,I killed my false parents. Dug my teeth into their flesh and tore and shred until there was nothing left. Only blood and bone shards.

6/7/24

cheese. not celery. CHEESE. Worst salsa de queso ever

6/9/24

I want chocolate

6/10/24

Feigning humanity only starves me further.

6/11/24

They worship the very thing that will kill them. They know it’ll kill them. Why do they expect appreciation from an old deity?

6/12/24

el conejo es muy delicioso

6/13/24

Tear, rip, shred, filét, slice, stab, scratch, do what I want. I’m so hungry and so angry.

6/15/24

Need to make friends. I’m so lonely

6/16/24

You’re a fucking liar. Go kill yourself.

Better yet, let me do it for you, pathetic waste of flesh.

6/17/24

I’m not a monster. I’d never eat that. I’d never do that. Nobody should worship me.

I’m just a normal human.

6/18/24

Kitty cat!! In car!! I want a pet kitty!

6/21/24

Those macarons were so fucking good. I should go get some more. Vanilla and pistachio

6/22/24

Beach

6/23/24

Water would be nice. It’s so hot

6:24/24

Mayonnaise is such a weird condiment

6/28/24

Cookies and cream flavored milkshakes are the best thing to grace the shelves of my fridge.

6/29/24

How much could a creature possibly need to eat? So many lives lost.

7/1/24

Sleep is for the weak

7/2/24

God, please let me sleep

7/3/24

Sleepy time tea

Check the mail

7/5/24

Cult. It’s a cult. They’re in fucking cult.

They worship the same thing that warned me about them

7/7/24

Don’t let them know

I know

I’m starving

7/9/24

Cake pops would sell so good on campus.

7/10/24

What do you mean you want a cheeseburger combo with no cheese. That’s just a hamburger combo.

No, a combo is just the burger and fries, you’re thinking of a meal. The meal has a drink with it.

7/11/24

I fucking hate fast food, oh my god

7/12/24

My thoughts get louder at night. Just when I think things are changing.

My thoughts get louder at night.

The insistent need to tear and rip and shred. I’d never, though.

I’m not a monster.

Right?

7/13/24

Shut up, you can make your own damn french fries.

7/14/24

I deserve a pay raise

7/15/24

That guy is not even real. Why does everyone think he’s stalking me?

7/18/24

It’s raining so much. I hate hurricane season

7/19/24

Can I PLEASE make it to work without driving through a literal flood??

7/20/24

Burger

Fries

Milkshake?? Eh, ice cream is better

7/21/24

Hunger. It’s all I feel. No matter how much I eat, I’m always hungry.

Maybe I’m not eating the right thing.

7/22/24

My teeth itch every time one of you talks. You’re all so annoying, I just wanna bite out your jugulars.

7/23/24

Bacon jerky

7/24/24

Something claws from deep within, begging for just a taste. Just a drop, a shred, a chunk, a bite.

I don’t want to eat that. That’s gross. But my brain tells me otherwise.

7/25/24

I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet

A pawn and a king

7/26/24

How many lives did they truly live? How many times did they all repeat that same, vicious cycle.

How lucky am I to be an outside viewer.

An observer

7/27/24

Kimchi jiggae and a big ass bottle of strawberry caplico

7/28/24

I want strawberry milk

7/29/24

He’s not the guardian. He’s the firebrand. That fucking liar. You’re just as bad as your captor.

8/1/24

Mmmm steamed egg

8/2/24

Vanilla ice cream

No, strawberry

[jemmo]

top 5 friendships/friend groups in bls? 👀✨

i love this question!!!!! friendships are one of my favourite parts of bl and i need more of it in 2024

kimi ni wa todokanai/i cannot reach you - i adore the entirety of this friendship group and it’s such a testament to the show bc they hardly get fleshed out, but from that first shot of them all watching yamato get confessed to i knew i’d adore them. it’s the way they don’t really understand yamato and still hang out with him anyway, the way fujino is the pet straight that just won’t shut up about his girlfriend but tries to be so good to kakeru even when it messes everything up, whatever hosaka and amamiya have going on, and more than anything hosaka going after yamato and his persistence to be his friend and talk about things with him and give him advice and the way that he identifies the queerness in him. they’re just all so good at being in a group together, it’s so boyish and youthful, it makes you yearn for school days like that.

my school president - of course this has to be on here, they set the bar so high for friendship groups in bl, and it says a lot that in a bl with so many couples, they constantly go out of their way to stress the how special and important their friendships are, like yes platonic love is just as worthy of love songs as romantic love, and beyond the core group, people like tiwson and kajorn are still so important to the story. i’ll say it again, it’s so boyish and youthful and it also gives you that feeling of validation to see people that are kind of outsiders and not that popular band together and form such a strong, loyal bond, like these boys would die for each other and again, it makes me yearn for school days like that.

minato shouji coin laundry (it counts bc of season 2) - specifically shin and asuka bc whenever they have a scene together im just having the best time. shin is so grumpy and asuka is so desperate to get under his skin bc despite the bickering exterior they are so besties and have this added layer of being the only other person to understand their position in their relationships. again it’s queers finding queers so even if it doesn’t make sense on the surface, there’s that shared experience that helps them bond and understand each other and it’s so good

the eighth sense - anytime i think of joonpyo i can’t help but smile bc he’s such a legend, and so well written, bc even tho we don’t see it, we get such a good idea of what his life is like and it’s actually separate from jihyun, like it really feels like these two have been besties for years but are taking this chance to explore their own lives without feeling the need to include the other, but still knowing they’re the person they can go home and talk to about it all. it’s knowing that person will always be there, and you can both be honest and real with them and also just act like total fools together.

only friends - and no this is not msp, im not putting this on here for the whole group bc this is not a good friendship group, this is here for sand and nick only bc they’re literally the only solid friendship in the whole show where they’re actually looking out for each other, and they fact they made out and were able to laugh and cuddle afterwards says it all. they are the pathetic second choice club that uniquely understand each other bc they’re the only other person that knows what it’s like to love someone that’s as much of a mess as ray and boston are.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[dykefever]

Okayyyy I finished tsasog and without further ado here is me simping:

God I missed your wolfstar the UST, the chemistry is unparalleled. I need my wolfstar pathetic and intense and pining mutually right off the bat and you delivered. Don't think I didn't see Remus's reaction when he caught sight of Sirius in his church that first time!

Ok some of my fave metaphors (not incl. religious) that have stuck with me: spit watermelon seed for Lola. Holding a cherry pit under his tongue waiting for Remus. That whole description of James in the last chapter omg.

Having never watched Fleabag bc of the triggers, to me, the way you described missing your dead friend, and what it felt like for Sirius right after she died-- it's accurate. All of it. Thank you for treating it tenderly and honestly. It made me feel less crazy tbh.

Ok onto the Hot Priest bit. Again, only you and only wolfstar will have me buying into The Hot Priest (like yes, Sirius, Get On Your Knees for Remus where you belong. The fingers on his tongue, like he is receiving the Eucharist, the Body of Christ, only hello it's the body of Remus John Lupin). I weirdly grew up with a brand of priest where being hot was part of their whole thing to like "attract people to God" but then like try being fifteen and in confession and having to tell said priest you let your bf touch your boobs shit got weird.

ON THAT NOTE. I am FERAL for all the religious/sacrilegious metaphors and perversions and commentary. I already talked about Sirius receiving "communion," but Sirius crucifying himself on a FIRE ESCAPE with his pathetic love for Remus? Perfect. If you ever need a beta for that shit PLEASE let me put my catholic education to werk. I once wrote a metaphor comparing a sex facial to the baptism of Jesus in the river jordan. I got a lifetime of knowledge.

I'll end with this: Remus, after he leaves the church and goes to Sirius and professes his love-- that experience was beautifully depicted. Remus saying that religion is a source of goodness and truth and peace, and if you aren't experiencing that, then it's not what you are meant to be doing: SO TRUE. And then there's that feeling of freedom and happiness and joy you have when you are brave enough to truly follow your path, even if it means giving up an identity and a life and a truth you once believed. It's terrifying but exhilarating once you make it to the other side. But yeah, that idea of bone-deep, constant "suffering," as Remus called it, while staying in the church, and then realizing that that is not what church or God or love should actually feel like- that is the *only* way a truly devout person will ever have the strength to walk away from it. You nailed it.

Hope this ask isn't too unhinged but like what is the point of fandom if you cant pull shit like this amirite? Thank you for sharing your writing-- you are doing the lord's work. xxooo

hello hello!!!! i love this ask definitely not too unhinged thank you for all ur lovely words :-) and thank you for including the bits from the last ask i somehow deleted 😭😭

i actually can’t write r/s without UST and like intense amounts of pathetic pining it just doesn’t make sense to me thank you for seeing my vision and loving it!! i’m really honoured you read this work despite it having some triggering material for you - and then also feeling i honoured the events that happen and treated it well. whenever i write difficult topics (grief, mental health struggles, unhealthy relationships etc) im always trying to approach it with care and honesty and vulnerability! drawing from what i know and how i think that character would also react to these events. but yeah thank you :-) particularly irt religion which i have some knowledge of but not hugely, i actually ended up doing a lot of research and like reading priest’s experiences in the church and why they chose the profession etc and then why some leave. and i’m glad the last part resonated because religion isn’t inherently evil or bad and i didn’t want r to be like i don’t want any of it! but to actually connect with his faith again to realise that the way he was practicing and engaging with his religion was no longer healthy and no longer the best way to like connect with it and god!!

and damn i wish i had gotten you on board for the religious metaphors 😭 you would have taken it the next level aidjfjw but thank you so much for all these lovely words!!!! just loved reading all this :-) xxxx

[hellsvestibule]

I’m still writing my big Lancelot post bc I barely ever see anyone talk about him or the themes I think fgo is hitting at for him bc he’s sort of a deliberately mysterious guy but I wanna gather more evidence on some claims bc u know how I am. nobody disputed me on the Mephy or dobrynya posts I just like having screenshots on hand for what I’m talking about bc I’ll only make these sort of posts for characters I’ve read a significant chunk of the source material and feel confident talking about and also don’t see a lot of other people discuss. Tbh I’d probably be better off breaking it into distinct sections on what is “love” how now returning or averting the gaze is used as a theme for him (however they are connected so) but my ass can’t just make simple blind claims about him without citations after all this tsundere like meh he’s mostly just ok, he actually means a lot to me and I often hate how he gets interpreted when he’s actually much funnier and cooler and more pathetic the way he actually is. Oftentimes when I do this tho I get stuck on my perfectionism and never share so hoping I get it together eventually even if I put it aside for a bit