#like I KNOW WE ARENT TOGETHER ANYMORE
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No matter where I go No matter what I do I'll never be 23 with anyone but you
I know things ended badly between Tamlin and Feyre, but what they had together in ACOTAR was real and special to both of them. I like to imagine that they were able to talk it out and move on, having forgiven the bad and fondly remembering the good.
#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#feylin#KINDA#feyre archeron#tamlin#pro tamlin#my edits#this line in this song always gets me#like I KNOW WE ARENT TOGETHER ANYMORE#BUT WHEN WE WERE IT WAS EVERYTHING TO ME#AND I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY AND FEEL THE SAME WAY#anyway blissfully living in my AU where tamlin and feyre broke up somewhat amicably and then separated to be gay <3
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more monochrome practice I suppose
#tumblr getting this version of this drawing bc i dont want to get in trouble for drawing them nakey#so its date night vibes instead of like eden vibes#i have such complicated feelings about this ship in part bc we havent really met lilith so dont know what shes about yet#but i know in my heart there was a time they loved each other so much and so this is that#honestly would love so much to get backstory on the eden crew and the happenings there even just like a flashback in an episode or somethin#but lowkey im on the 'hoping they get divorced but deeply care about one another and are a part of each others lives' train#bc thats kind of more interesting to me than them getting back together bc i think the crux of it is how much theyve changed and a part of#their relationship getting to the point where lilith disappeared maybe being them both trying to desperately to salvage it and in doing so#making it worse bc they felt like they ruined their lives to be together and so what was the point of it all if they weren't anymore?? but#like theyre immortal so of course theyre going to change and of course theres a chance that the relationship doesnt work even if they deepl#love one another and always will and i just like the closure of that and admitting they arent right for each other in that way anymore but#they still love and care about each other and will never lose that#this is rambling and doesnt make as much sense as when i was typing it on a different post i am wondering now if theres a limit on how many#tags i can put here bc im just yapping at this point whoops#anyway i need to buck up and actually finish/post that draft i have about my very long and complicated hazbin ship opinions#lucilith#hazbin hotel#lilith morningstar#lilith hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lilith#lucifer hazbin hotel#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lilith
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final totk verdict.
#totk critical#loz#zelda#.txt#tldr: why didnt we get to experience the MAIN STORYLINE#why didnt zelda and link get to grow closer and stronger TOGETHER#why did we do laundry for 3 months while zelda fought a war#and she said it was cool and we just had to take her word for it#also i#i dont care abt. s/onia or r/auru or. any of the champions#their designs are cool esp sonia but like..#theyre. empty. and flawless. and they rob screentime from the development of link. of zelink. of the champions we DO know and care about.#i guarantee i would have enjoyed son/rau more if i was able to INTERACT WITH THEM!!!! :[#im bitter sorry#oh yeah and why arent link and zelda like. in love anymore.#in botw they were so insane crazy in love with eachother it ruled the fate of hyrule#and now theyre like...... coworkers... who went out to get chipotle or somnething together and got split up in timeline traffic#and theyre just like oh well#ill see ya when i see ya ig#idk. its so... weird. its so relaxed. its so distant.#the one serious thing is offscreen#link isnt just a side character hes a background character#while the main story takes place offscreen#://
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Insurance in the US is *required* to cover all types of birth control including surgical (eg tubal ligation) *for now.* Absolutely try to get it and get the procedure done ASAP
https://www.healthcare.gov/coverage/birth-control-benefits/
thank u. i do need to sign up for that.
#asks#vergess#insurance#my worry is. even if they have to cover it. they will find stupid loopholes i will be too tired and stressed to pushback on#like when i had insurance through my other job and they stopped covering my daily asthma inhaler for a cheaper one instead#and if i wanted them to cover it id have to like. prove that the cheaper one wasnt effective or smth? but. i had enough extra for some#reason that i never got around to trying the cheaper one and now im not insured by them anymore cos i quit that job and had a cobra hiccup#so ive been rawdogging the healthcare system and getting by okay for now but liiiike. not a sustainable situation#id RATHER get a hysterectomy but that feels. far more unattainable. like i think id have to fight my parents on it and possibly doctors#without my parents backing me up. while living in their house. bc im 'young' and unmarried and childless so i could 'change my mind'#idk ill be 27 this year can i call myself an old hag yet? when do i finally get to be too old to change my mind cos i want the fucking#thing outttt. ugh. and id worry that insurance would pull some shit where theyre like well it WOULD be covered if it was NECESSARY but we#LOOKED INTO IT and you have no problems with the pill AND youre not even HAVING SEX theres NO REASON!#one of my coworkers was told her surgery for smth else was covered and now that its done and shes recovering theyre trying to be like uhm#actuallyyyyyyyyyyy its notttttt covered we changed our mind#idk#i have therapy today and shes been offering to help me navigate healthcare dot gov so maybe ill ask her. idk#i also hesitate to ask my pcp bc i know my mom has access to my medical info cos its Usually just more convenient#i need to get my shit together enough to be able to move out. and exist.#like theyre fine. unless they arent. sigh#anyway thanks for the info it is helpful
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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sooo since August is, like. himself now. does that mean that his wifey/gf was aware of him being gay? I think you implied that
Lol yea <3 him and Grace (that’s her name in case nobody besides me knows that lmao) were never really IN LOVE I’d say. Like they love each other, just not romantically really. They both had their reasons for getting together; they both went into their relationship thinking that this is just what they are SUPPOSED to do. August was trying to be “normal” and Grace wanted to make her own family and have a secure home and life (Grace is aromantic/asexual. Obviously she isn’t completely averse to relationships and the rest cus she got married and had a baby lmao)
They are family and they will always be family! They literally have a daughter and a dog and a house together, and it is just too much work to go about legally separating and splitting things, so they are still technically married lol. Grace is a stay at home mom/wife so them splitting would screw her over a bit </3 They are also still together under one roof for their daughter, Bailey, because they really don’t want to change her home life more than it needs to be.
He doesn’t seem like it at first glance, but August is really loving and protective of his family he made, even if it wasn’t created with the best most pure intentions. August cares about his own feelings and life a lot more now than he used to, but his wife and daughter are still his #1 priority and he’ll put them first for a lot of things
#ask#about my ocs#it’s actually really funny to take this into consideration when thinking about him getting with any of his poly bfs#Bubba especially was ‘aren’t you..married??’ and then August has a fucking heart attack as he tries to explain the situation between him and#his wife (‘NONONOO THIS ISNT AN AFFAIR OR A FLING I SWEAR WE ARENT TOGETHER LIKE WE’RE TECHNICALLY *TOGETHER* BUT WE ARENT IN LOVE I GUESS#OK I PROMISE YOU CAN STILL SAY NO I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW IM NOT A LYING CHEATING HUSBAND SCUMBAG’)#it took August a decently long time to not feel so weird about him and his wife’s situation lmao like they’ve been living a stereotypically#normal husband / wife life until he just couldn’t really handle the facade anymore </3
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so update on my life. Since I've cut out the person that was shit for me I'm now witnessing them go from making jabs against me on their priv to totally shutting up & Freaking Out when our (formerly) mutual friend I'm in cahoots with blocked them as well. Freaking out so much to the point that they contacted them to try to sort things out... Via their persona twitter roleplay accounts with the //ooc tag and everything.
Wild. Anywya I just ate udon noodles for lunch and had a haircut so I'm doing p good in comparison
#one of these jabs against me and the one that spurred the friend to get pissed off enough to finally block them like i did#was about a Frozen song. soooo. u know I'm grateful they arent my friend anymore#as i said they totally wrote me off as unimportant despite how much we went through together#but then they finally took shit seriously when my friend showed them that they were calling it quits on them to. really says a lot#one of the funniest parts abt. the fucking rp twitter account shit was my friend wasnt blocking them on main#so theyre just fucking crazy here#as i said. after knowing all this. im thinking uhhhhh. i am doing p darn swell in comparison.#i still have my pride intact and everything#ranting#its not rlly ranting but i dont want to put this in my gen text post tag
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being super super young (and also on the spectrum) makes "part of your world" hit super hard. i used to memorize the lyrics and sing it in the bathtub. i used to watch little mermaid so many times as a kid, eventually the vhs tape snapped! that was probably my first transformative experience with media where i really felt like a story and a character and a song connected to what i was feeling even as a little 4 y/o
#god what was i goin thru that that was the song that grabbed me.#i guess wanting to be popular and be like the other kids#but before even school it was like. my mom just keeping me indoors ALL the time away from other kids.#her paranoia and the fact that we did everything together.... still affects me even now#in both positive and negative ways. dont know what ill do when shes not around anymore.#trying my best to learn how to be independent now at 28. sometimes i stumble#but wow. i guess i am part of that world finally arent i. taxes and a job
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i miss the champions so much i know there's like no logical reason for them to come back in totk but i wanna see my guys again even if it's just more memories or something. do you think there's any way they could pull that off based on what we know about the game already?
i really hope so! at the very least i hope the abilities you get in botw won't be removed bc i cant navigate that fucking map without revali's gale. even the lack of expedited cooldowns from the dlc starts to get to me after a while at this point LMAO. in terms of actual implementation i'm trying to think if there's an easy way to give us more champion content in totk. In theory, we could continue to recover link's memories and see more of the champions that way, but from a writing standpoint that might feel clunky & at odds with the rest of the story unless it's VERY carefully implemented. My honest answer from a writing & game dev standpoint is that i don't think we're likely to get many more memory-style cutscenes, especially with the release of hyrule warriors a few years ago sort of serving as an extra source of champions content already. that might have been the point of hyrule warriors from a game dev standpoint, actually, if they realized while in production that totk wasn't going to have a lot of room for champion-centric content, hyrule warriors would have given them an easy way to satiate fans who really loved those characters without compromising the integrity of their already-written story in totk. tldr realistically i don't think there's going to be a whole lot of champion-centric content in totk but for now we can pray that i will have to eat these words in 3 months
#a lot of this speculation is also based off my own speculations about what the story of totk will be too so. take this with a grain of salt#but the existence of hyrule warriors at all suggests to me that we're going to get a lot less pre-calamity content in totk if any#because like. they wouldn't have made that game if they knew that precalamity cutscenes were gonna be a heavy feature of totk#hyrule warriors' draw from a narrative standpoint is that it occupies a space in the timeline that no other game can fill#and if they knew that within 2 years they were going to release a game that DID fill that space with the potential to retcon whatever they#wrote into hyrule warriors then they would have given hyrule warriors a different story/place in the timeline imo.#releasing 2 games back to back whose stories sit so close together without directly interacting with each other isnt a smart business move#so tldr i do not think we will see much of the champions in totk. HOWEVER i dont think theyll be gone entirely!!! the writers arent stupid#they know how beloved these characters have become and if anything hyrule warriors sales REINFORCED the demand for these characters. so#i think we will see them again in some capacity just probably not memory-style anymore#asks#totk predictions
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something about phasing out of existence and something about seeing events through the eyes of the you of another time and something about possessing yourself
#stardust speaking !#gbf spoilers#people you know talking to you but you also dont know them but you have the memories of them#been thinking about ch177 today#been thinking about the timelines that didnt lose ecksegrande#and as such i always end up thinking about sincerely your dearest friend cuz im way too deep in my 'its the dead timeline or a timeline#where they arent together anymore whether thats merging w the astral god or something else' because u cant reveal the star coffer and then#do that event U JUST CANTTTTT#uh important addition. its the thoughts & feelings of the djgr & lyria of those timelines. id nvr say another timeline is modern#either way those r all personal thoughts & wishes LOL#djgr becoming a consistent presence across all timelines. not in a merging kind of way but lingering#theres a lot of concepts id like to write about regarding ch177 alone but i also dont have any solid scene to write#hhh i would like to have something like that written somewhere tho.........we shall see in the future
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damn living here really does suck
#logbook#'going to a block party!!' its the neighborhood block party. not invited.#i hate having to park across the street bc they arent leaving space anymore. and oh you can tell us to move. why dont you just move then??@!#my room is an absolute living hell and mess. i dont even know how to begin to organize it i'll probably just. throw stuff together and cart#it over once we're approved.#and then last night it was like. lets go to a karaoke night! our dog has separation anxiety and abandonment issues and barks and whines the#whole time we're gone but we're not home so its fine. . .except its almost 10 at night and we have a roommate. but fuck our roommate.#if i start sleeping at rents it feels like im giving in but. i feel like im going crazy and asking for too much to be like. hey man.#im a person here too. 'csn you handle the dog while we're gone to a block party' SO ITS MY FUCKING FAULT?? IM A CHILD NOW?#my whole room at rents is taken over by all their shit but i really am tempted to just. only come back here to pack and couch surf.#im just going to be told this is how it is now and 'so you dont want to be friends'? lord help me#if i didnt have jael i wouldnt be so concerned. or the plants. but i have both so i have to come by frequently enough to care for them.
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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istg one of these days.......
#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game#one of my fave posts ever in the world#anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me#its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay#bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS#anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought#so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy#but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr#itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST#i wouldnt do that to him god forbid#buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am#this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night#need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves#i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good#ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone#muah all round#.diaries
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why havent i been talking to the much much cooler and better older sister who is a furry and super nice and fun to talk to and cares about my opinions and feelings instead of the one who cant respect boundaries and makes me feel like a mistake and doesnt care abt how i feel
#the bin#shes also the only normal person in my family#and when i say normal i mean it in a treats other people with respect way not in a societally normal way#cause she the least 'normal' of my family in that way. which is a good thing. be a freak. autism makes u cooler by default#idk. she sthe only person who i feel like actually cares about me and my opinion and wants to hear what i have to say and views me right#i wish we talked more when i was younger. shes so nice. i hope when i move we can houngout together more and maybe watch some movies#and talk abt stuff or smth. we r probably gonna play some games together soon which is nice#i miss her. i think i can also talk to her abt how our other sister kinda sucks. i know she views her pretty highly or at least used to but#i still think i can. i dont think itll make her uncomfortable.#ive been looking over the past years with my other sister and they havent really been any good mostly#ive just been so isolated and sad that it was better than nothing but its past that point now#if id had other people to talk to then i wouodnt have soent so much time with someone making me feel worse#i also think shes just made me a worse person overall. more judgemental. the past year ive become very against that trying hard to not#and she gets very upset with me when im like hey. yknow. id rather assume the best of random strangers not doing anything that bad#i dont wanna assume everyone is an inconsiderate asshole because they arent. life circumstances we dont know about could be#the reason for this honestly pretty mild inconvenience. if u wanna think otherwise then thats fine but dont day it around me#idk. im tired of it. im still super sad but ive become a much more bright and hopeful person because im trying to be#it actually sucks to view the whole world as horrible and everyone around you ass horrible#idk. maybe i can get my other sister to do the fun stuff with me i dont like doing alone#cause it makes me unbelievably sad to realize i dont have anyone to ask anymore at all. period. but maybe it doesnt have to be that way
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Sometimes I hate that my friend group is so close knit because whenever I'm having issues with one person there is never any real escape from them. At least no meaningful one because no matter what things will always circle back to them and I'll be forced to interact.
#eden speaks#im going to pride tomorrow with my best friend and im so worried my ex is gonna be pissed i didnt invite her since we've all gone together#for the past few years#like i shouldn't care this much but this stresses me out so much#i just wanna hang out with my friend honestly it has nothing to do with my ex at the end of the day#im just really really worried shes gonna make it about her if she finds out we went#im also REALLY stressed shes gonna be there and we're gonna come across her out of nowhere and ill have to explain why i didnt invite her#i have all of these made up problems in my head that arent even problems yet but i stress over them#i just wanna hang out with my best friend. every time i hang out with my ex i feel like im hanging out with the equivalent of a soggy piece#piece of paper. shes just a downer!! and it makes me feel like shit every time we interact#and i dont like how things left off last time i hung out with her :// i was stressed and she asked to kiss me and i said a firm no#i feel like im stuck in highschool im 22 fucking years old!! i never dealt with this shit in highschool#i dont want to deal with this shit now. i think my issue is is that i dont know how to be mean#or im too scared to be mean#i wish she would ghost me tbh or tell me she cant handle talking anymore#because dealing with the aftermath of everything is exhausting especially when i feel like i have to tiptoe around her feelings#shes always upset at me because apparently i look like i got over shit too quickly and that doesnt make any sense?? i can easily fake that#this shit probably makes no sense anymore im just so ready for it all to be over#im gonna have fun with my best friend at pride tomorrow. im gonna smoke some weed beforehand. we're gonna have a great time#even if my ex IS there. its not my job to cater to her feelings. its not my job.#i could say so much more because theres so much fucked context but im gonna refrain before im here all night l#delete later
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if ur noticing me on here less Thats On Purpose. im winning.
#le p2iigh#that means yes me complaining abt how my uncle feeds (or doesnt feed) his dog is me losing#but me winning is going to be in september when i celebrate splatoon 3's anniversary and hopefully my uncle is gone by then#(he is supposed to be moving out) (this is the... 3rd?? 4th?? time my mom has let him stay after me begging her not to)#(at this point i might have spent more of my life living with him here than living here without him. bad to think about.)#(i know its shitty especially in this economy but we (me and my mom and my sister's bf) arent putting up with his shit anymore)#(the way he makes my mom feel so bad she just wants to lie in bed. or like ANYTHING with me)#(but the thing that everyone agreed went over the line was how he would berate my sister's bf for 'not being enough of a man')#which is part of why im still paranoid about being trans around him even though on the surface he uses my pronouns and stuff#me literally saying to my mom like 'yeah [NAME] and i are brothers we gotta stick together... me being trans and him being gnc'#that is enough tag venting for one night. bye
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