#(he is supposed to be moving out) (this is the... 3rd?? 4th?? time my mom has let him stay after me begging her not to)

[invisibleoctopus]

if ur noticing me on here less Thats On Purpose. im winning.

[skzhocomments]

In the Dark - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 1 - inthedark.com

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 2

---

Chapter 1 - inthedark.com

chapter word count: 2.7k words

“So, tough week, huh?” Jinki spoke compassionately, watching his best friend drink his 3rd beer in a single sip and place the cup firmly on the table, then sigh.

“You bet.” Minho replied, dejected, signalling to the waitress to bring him another beer.

“Yah, should a single dad even drink so much? What will Nari say when you come home drunk?” Jinki frowned.

“She’s with my mother tonight.” He sighed, then started drinking his 4th beer, before Jinki grabbed it from him and finished it himself.

“Instead of drinking it away, spill it out. What happened?”

“I just found out Nari’s been getting bullied at school, and I’m feeling horrible for not being able to protect her.”

“Bullied?” Jinki’s eyes grew large, as he asked his friend to elaborate.

“She didn’t even tell me. How the fuck are 2nd graders so mean already?” Minho sighed again and shook his head disapprovingly.

“No way. Since when?”

“Apparently since the first year. Her teacher didn’t tell me anything either. I thought enrolling her in a private school would be a good idea. Better education, more people around her to keep her safe… I was wrong.” He shook his head again and rubbed his forehead.

“So… what will you do? Will you move her to another school?” Jinki asked, putting his arms on the table and supporting his head with his hands.

“Of course I’ll move her to another school. I just don’t know where…”

“Hmm. Why don’t you try the public school in the area? My cousin’s son is enrolled there, and he loves it so far. He’s in the 5th grade already. It’s also closer to home.”

“I don’t know… what if she hates it there? What if she gets bullied again and doesn’t tell me? God, I kept noticing she was becoming shy and reserved, and couldn’t figure out why, and all this time, she’s been bullied by her classmates. I still can’t believe it.”

“Kids can be cruel.” Jinki sighed and leaned over the table, touching Minho’s shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s hard being a single dad to a daughter. Obviously, my mom helps out a lot, but… it would’ve just been different if she were still here…”

“I know. But Ellie died 8 years ago, Minho. Maybe it’s time… you try and let her go and find someone else.”

“How could I?” He sighed. “I still love her so much. She’s still Nari’s mom.”

“Of course she is, and that’s never going to change. But still, you should try putting yourself out there, and find someone. Date, have casual sex, literally anything at this point.”

“Casual sex?” Minho chuckled. “It shocks me to hear you suggest that.”

“What are you supposed to do then, die alone?” Jinki scolded him. “Nari also needs a feminine figure around her. She’ll grow up to be a woman, eventually.”

“She has my mom.”

“A younger feminine figure.”

“I’m not ready to date anyone.” Minho shook his head.

“You’re impossible.” Jinki scoffed. “Then go to a whore house or something, have sex with someone no strings attached and see if it helps you move on for once.”

“What, to a brothel?” Minho asked, amused. “Imagine the headlines if I would. Producer Choi Minho seen entering a brothel. They’d eat me alive.”

“Use that new site, then. In the Dark.” Jinki shrugged.

“What’s that?” Minho tilted his head to the right, furrowing his brows.

“This… website,” he gestured around with his hands. “Apparently it costs a lot because it’s really private. You submit some personal information and choose someone based on your preferences, and when you meet up with them, you aren’t allowed to talk, and the lights are completely off, so neither can see what’s going on or who they’re having sex with.”

“That sounds crazy as fuck.”

“Right? That’s what I said! But it’s a pretty good alternative when there’s no risk of others seeing you enter a brothel.” Jinki chuckled.

“And you can’t even talk?”

“No, because someone could recognise your voice, I think.”

“How do you know so much about this site?” Minho raised an accusing eyebrow.

“Oh, my friends use it all the time. Apparently, it’s a fun experience.”

“What?” Minho gasped. “Who would use such a site?”

~

~Minho’s POV~

“Who would use such a site?” I asked, but curiosity got the better of me, and I found myself googling inthedark.com at 12AM that very same day.

The site was easy to use and intuitive, you had to pay a fee to become a member, and all your data had to be verified by someone.

It was, as Jinki said, extremely private, and you had to submit a whole lot of documents, from ID card to medical records on your health. Everyone’s profile was verified, and they seemed to protect both their clients and their workers.

I created a profile and chose a username. Since it had to be something completely unrelated to my real name, to not give myself away, I picked Charisma, one of the nicknames my closest friends would sometimes use for me.

After my profile’s been completed and verified, I received a download link for my phone, and as soon as I opened it, my profile was already connected. A list of models with similar interests came up, and I had to select one. They had pictures of themselves, but their faces were not visible in any of them, to keep everyone’s identities private.

I scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled, and while everyone was gorgeous, wearing sultry lingerie, being fit with a flat stomach and perfect thighs, it still felt like no one was really… special in any way. None of them pricked my interest.

It was then when I noticed that a bit under the Recommended Models list, there was a category called “NEW”, written in bright red letters. I clicked on it, and the first model’s name caught my eye.

Flame

I chuckled seeing her name and thought of how ironic it would be to pick her, since my full nickname was Flaming Charisma. It felt like we complemented each other, even if it was obviously nothing intentional, as I didn’t know who she was, and she didn’t know who I was either.

I clicked on her profile and scrolled through her pictures, that looked to be selfies, instead of the professional-looking pictures the other models under “Recommended” had. Her calendar was also empty, which meant she hasn’t been booked by anyone yet.

Should I do it?

I was reluctant to press on ‘Apply’. We both had to submit a list of expectations and wants, and we both had to agree to the other’s terms and conditions for a potential meeting to happen.

After considering it for a little while, I decided that fuck it, I haven’t had sex with someone in 8 years, so I booked the next night impulsively and started filling the form.

---

CHARISMA – personal form

THINGS I ENJOY: intimacy, scratching my back, holding onto me, kissing/biting (anywhere besides lips), moaning

THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO: kissing on the lips

CONDOM / NO CONDOM (if you pick the NO CONDOM option, you have to attach a report of a recent medical check-up that ensures you don’t have an STD): no condom

SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS: wear a short skirt

---

After filling in the whole form, I clicked on ‘APPLY’ and waited for a bit.

Flame’s form came back pretty quickly. She accepted all my requests, and she also submitted a few of her own.

---

FLAME – personal form

THINGS I ENJOY: feeling needed, tenderness, aftercare

THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO: anal, anything that would leave a mark on my face/arms, anything painful

CONDOM / NO CONDOM: no condom

SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS: please take a shower beforehand

---

Reading carefully, her demands seemed decent enough, so I agreed to her terms as well, and I received a location I had to come to the next day at 12 AM.

~

From the outside, the building looked like an apartment complex. I made my way to the front door and typed in the code I’ve been given, then went to the 3rd floor, to the room number that’s been assigned to me. I opened the door which led to a small hallway that was lit by dim lights, which offered access to two other doors. The first door was a bathroom, the second one was the door to the main room, which I found out from the note on it that read: “As soon as you open this door, all the lights will go out. Please make sure you use the bathroom (door on the left) before you head into the main room. Please leave all your electronic devices and any source of light in the locker room. Refusal to do so is a violation of our terms and services and will result in legal consequences. We appreciate your cooperation in order to ensure privacy on both sides. Thank you for using inthedark.com!”

I already took a shower at home, so it felt pointless to take another one now. I put my phone on silent mode and left it in the locker as instructed, and without thinking much, I opened the door to the main room.

Just as the note said, all the lights went out as soon as I pressed on the handle. It was pitch black and simply impossible to see anything.

Now what? I asked myself and let out a soft chuckle.

I kept walking straight, until a sweet scent invaded my nostrils, and I figured out that Flame must’ve been in the room as well. After a few more steps, my chest bumped into something – her hands, I figured out after touching them.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement.

What am I even supposed to do? Undress her and simply start fucking her? Is she even wearing any clothes?

I did tell her to wear a short skirt.

It was so dark, I couldn’t see anything, and the only sounds in the room were the sounds of our breathing.

I grabbed her hands and followed their trail until I got to her shoulders, and I felt her skin get goose bumps. I let my fingers trail down her body and tried to feel her around, to imagine what the clothes she was wearing could look like. Her blouse was made of a soft fabric and had ruffles, and her skirt was, as I requested, short, barely covering her ass. I went on my knees and touched the back of her thighs, trailing my hands down once again, until I reached her feet.

She was wearing high heels, which I helped take off. I wanted to know her real height.

After I stood back up, I hugged her, and she hugged me back. She wasn’t tall, and her constitution seemed quite fragile. She seemed like a delicate woman.

We broke our hug, and I pressed my hands on her face, feeling up all her features with my thumbs. Her eyes, her nose, her full lips.

She welcomed everything I did and didn’t try to push me away at all, and she even did the same things to me as she started undressing me of my suit.

We were getting to know each other this way; from small, unsure, touches that felt a bit too intimate for me to just seek pleasure from her, and for her to just seek my money.

It was getting too easy to forget that I’ve essentially hired her for the night, that we’re only going to spend 2 hours together.

Maybe it was just because I haven’t been intimate with someone in so long. Ever since my wife’s death, I haven’t touched any other woman. Instead, I just focused on raising our daughter.

Feeling Flame’s touches, though, I realised I missed intimacy badly. I liked the way her hands felt on my abs, her lips attached to my neck while she kept moving that damn hand lower, touching my dick through the underwear.

I liked that she respected my wished and didn’t try kissing my lips at all. That was the one thing I wanted to save for my late wife, the one thing I wasn’t yet ready to do. I convinced myself that sex was different, and the only honest part of me are my lips, and I didn’t want them to touch someone I didn’t love.

Flame went on her knees and pulled my underwear down, taking my dick into her mouth, and I let out an obscene groan. Her tongue on me felt way too good; the way it swirled circles around my tip while her hand was stroking me made my knees weak. I grabbed the back of her head and gently pushed my length down her throat, making her choke a bit. With my other hand, I caressed her cheek and gently touched her chin, wiping off the spit falling uncontrollably from her mouth as she was deepthroating me.

After a few more seconds, I pushed her head away and helped her stand up, before undressing her of the ruffled blouse and short skirt.

I wondered what colour they were. Not that it mattered.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bed in the middle of the room, and I pressed my naked body against hers, trailing kisses down her body as I let my hands feel her up. She smelled so good, I felt intoxicated by her scent, and I lost control of myself while exploring her body. Her tits were not too big, but they were full and felt perfect in my hands.

I moved my hands to her waist as I pressed a kiss on her lower abdomen. She opened her legs, giving me access to her pussy, and I started eating her out, keeping her body in place as my tongue moved carefully between her folds.

She moaned, and God, she sounded beautiful.

It didn’t take long to make her come. She was a panting mess and her hands found mine on her waist, squeezing them as she let go.

Smiling to myself realising I still got it, even after all these years, I made my way back on top of her and slid inside her with ease. Her hands went around my neck, and she pulled me closer, hugging me tight to her body as I pumped in and out of her.

Her nails were slightly scratching me while she wrapped around me completely, and the whole act felt so intimate, I almost forgot again that she was just a prostitute, and that I was essentially just a stranger to her; no one special.

I released myself inside of her with ease, drunk on all the pleasure her body offered me. What a messed-up thing this was, hiring someone for a couple of hours of love.

I tried not to think of it too much as I slipped out of her and she pulled me closer once more, and I remembered her requests. Feeling needed, tenderness, aftercare. Was she as lonely as me, to request these things?

Since she indulged me, why not do it for her as well? We only had one hour left, anyway. I plopped down next to her and guided her head on my shoulder, caressing her hair while our bodies hugged each other.

It felt nice staying like this, too. It almost made me wish I booked her for the whole night. Maybe we would’ve gone to sleep together embraced and pretended we were actual lovers that spent their first night together.

Maybe this was just wishful thinking.

~

A few hours after meeting Flame, I received a notification from In the Dark consisting of a review form I had to submit, that would be received by Flame. From the message on the app, she would apparently receive it, and send one back.

---

MEETING REVIEW FORM by Charisma

Rate Flame from 1 to 5 (lowest to highest): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Were all your special requirements fulfilled? (Leave empty if not applicable): Yes, Flame respected all my wishes and special requirements.

What did you enjoy? Flame was sweet and I had a great time with her :)

What should be improved? Nothing, everything was perfect.

Would you like to tip Flame? (Any amount you write will automatically be deducted from your Card after submitting this form. Leave empty if you don’t wish to tip your host): 200$

Thank you for using our service!

---

MEETING REVIEW FORM by Flame

Rate the interaction with the customer from 1 to 5 (lowest to highest): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Did the customer fulfil your special requirements? Yes, thank you for respecting my wishes

Tip received – 200$: That’s very sweet and generous of you. Thank you a lot, Charisma. I had a great time with you as well, and I hope we will meet again. ❤️

~

Chapter 2

[godtears]

Saw a kid today who acted like I should be calling CPS on his parents ngl but I have 0 clue on if that would be a really bad thing or not so I just alerted a teacher to his behavior instead. Kid acted like a full ass grown adult abuser. He was screaming at a little girl who was weirded out and made uncomfortable by him, and he just kept screaming, "I'M THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU. THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY. I HAVE TO HURT YOU TO KEEP YOU SAFE AND NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME YELL AT YOU IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME BY MAKING ME YELL AT YOU. ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE STARING AT US NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING ME YELL AT YOU. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU'RE RUINING YOUR OWN LIFE." and the girl was looking at him like

And trying to like slowly walk away from him but every time she moved he would get up in her face and push her and like had his fists up.

The girl was a 3rd grader and the boy was a 4th grader. That's uh... That's alarming behavior for someone that young. That's straight up harassment. That's abusive behavior. I genuinely am worried his parents talk to him like that at home, or that one parent talks like that to the other and it's just... Normalized. Because that's so fucked up. I. Don't know what to do in that situation other than tell the teacher.

And my kiddo has a best friend, and I've been talking to her mom every morning. Even her mom was looking at the kid lightly going, "uh... What the fuck" and then she tried playing it cool like "oh I think they're just siblings, haha sibling love I guess..." but she looked like she was in fucking pain saying that, she didn't believe that for one second and neither did I. I'm like "that's inappropriate" and told someone because fuck that. That girl did not look like she knew him. She looked like this was a strange weirdo kid harassing her.

If ANYONE even came CLOSE to doing that to my kiddo, I'd be turning into Satan real fucking fast.

[these-are-my-musings]

I remember so much

the kid with the locker next to mine who volunteered to piss on a acidity test in 5th grade and how it came back more acidic than normal bc of how much soda he drank, the same kid who dreamt of being in the army, and later leaked his girlfriends nudes but somehow they’re still together. I remember going to her house, her mom, her little sister who so clearly looked up to her, her bedroom which I thought was so cool bc she had a bed with another bed that could pull out as a drawer and a tv in her room with princesses? hello kitty? I remember moving schools and losing touch and seeing her at the open house for the middle school we would end up going to together, and how she acted like she didn’t know me. oh well. I remember feeling so out of place when I switched schools and dying to go to middle school to pick up where I left off but everyone was so different and had moved on without me. I remember feeling that way again in high school but the added ache of watching it happen in real time. I remember how awesome and excited I felt to wear my circus costume as a top to school and feeling on top of the world in it and then the discomfort and self consciousness that followed when I noticed how other people reacted. they weren’t ready for me. my grandmas top that mysteriously disappeared from my closet, the white silk one with the bow that tied in the front. sorry grandma. I remember the kid who melted crayons down and made them into valentines in 4th grade, I remember always somehow being in a friend group with an odd number of people. twinning with my sibling during spirit week, being told i was annoying daily by someone i considered my best friend. the first time i was made aware that I'm a loud breather. the crushing disappointment of our poetry presentation in 3rd grade. my music teacher with gorgeous black slightly peppered hair who I absolutely adored and her love of dark chocolate, “don’t call me mrs bennett, that’s my mother”, and her attempt at switching to carob chocolate bc it was healthier. the lunch lady who was so sweet and my hair would always get caught in the buttons on her uniform as she passed by with the trash can. she was so so sweet to me. I remember the first girl I ever had a crush on, her name was victoria and I thought she was beautiful and graceful and I was too shy to even speak to her. I remember the cruelness of most boys I had a crush on, and the sweetness of the ones I never told a soul about. the feeling of walking into school with live piano music filling the air, stopping to buy pencils and erasers from the machine with my best friend, and the deafening silence and anxiety when the piano was no longer playing bc I was late. the birthday party I invited her to with all my new friends at my new school, that she didn’t really fit in with, that I didn’t really fit in with, but what can you do, at 9 going on 10. hearing that the boy I liked liked me back and marching up to him demanding that he ask me out because what else are you supposed to do when you like each other besides date? funny how I still don’t quite get that one. crazy to think how my teacher in 5th grade was slut shaming me, and my other one blatantly disliked me. it was probably the undiagnosed adhd but even still I was just a bit chatty. she deserved better, my younger self. she was so strong to live with that uncertainty and anxiety every day at her age.

[wh6res]

UP IN SMOKES — DOYOUNG

psych student! kdy | tw. college au, violence, a knife, GASLIGHTING, hallucination, psychosis, swearing, just pure manipulation, minor charac death, there's a court scene, this is a repost! | wc. 10k she a beast

life could’ve been simple;

you shouldn't have met kim doyoung.

what does a freshman in college hate the most other than the high-stress levels of moving into a new dorm? a shitty roomie and a smelly, moldy mattress. the girl you call roommate refuses to help move the mattress because it will ruin her new manicure. what a fucking classic. 

"sounds like a 'you' problem. figure it out yourself, plain jane." 

she said before heading out, annoyingly popping her bubblegum as she kicks a few of your scattered boxes by the front door. you roll your eyes; classes haven't even started yet, so why is she already making your life miserable? as much as you'd like to snap at her, you don't, merely glaring daggers at her back as she finally turns the corner of the hallway and disappears. 

"bitch," you mutter under your breath. 

you eye the abomination that is supposed to be your bed, cursing how you shouldn't have made a 15-minute pit stop to starbucks for a drink when you could've just bought one from the instant coffee vending machines in every corner of the hallway of this dorm building because if you didn't, maybe you could've beaten regina george wannabe from taking the better bed. sighing, you suck it up and start getting to work. life's full of shit, anyway; no point sulking.

moving a moldy mattress is easier than you thought, to say the least. you can't ask for help from the other freshmen you bumped into in the hallway because they, too, are under a huge amount of stress from the move and are busy getting their affairs in order. it was a good thing, though, that a committee was formed specifically for this day to help out the freshmen if they were to stumble upon problems or mishaps with moving in. they were all around the campus, and they prove to be way friendlier than your batch mates. since this morning, three people have already offered help in carrying your luggage — which you have politely declined.

"hey, uhm… is this the stall for the welcoming committee? oh, wait. i'm sorry, there's a sign right there —"ugh.

you mentally shut your eyes in humiliation. why do you have to be this bad, this awkward at communicating with strangers? why couldn't you be born like all those socialites who already (probably) got their contacts filled with new numbers on the first day of school or something?

"yeah, this is them — welcoming committee, i mean. how can i help you?" he smiles, sweet, radiating the epitome boy next door aura as he looks up at you from where he's sitting behind the stall. your eyes quickly land onto the name tag stuck on his varsity jacket before meeting his eyes again. 

"i have an issue with my mattress. it has mold, you see..." your voice slowly trails, becoming quieter as you feel small under the weight of his piercing stare. oh, come on. he's just a guy with a beautiful face, woman the fuck up.

"really? let me see..."

he needn't finish rounding the stall when his nose is hit by the pungent smell brought forth by your mattress. frankly, you weren't that picky. you could've covered it with bedsheets and call it a day, but the odor is too strong to ignore. you mentally hope the smell didn't latch onto your clothes, especially not when someone so cute is around — what a bad first impression.

"oh, god!" he exclaims the moment he lays eyes on it, taking a step back. “now, that has to go. and you lugged it from the fourth floor?" 

ah, yes. according to tradition in these dormitories, which you've only found out today, freshmen get the curse of climbing four flights of stairs up while the seniors strut into their rooms on the ground floor like the hallway is a goddamned runway. 

"doyoung! help me carry these!"

someone calls his name as you both turn your head to spot a chestnut-haired girl clad in the same varsity jacket he's wearing. you grimace at the sight of her. for someone so small, she just had to volunteer to carry all those heavy bags. however, he doesn't move in front of you and brushes her off as if she doesn't look like she's carrying rocks over her shoulders. "i'm already helping someone else! go find taeyong or something. i'm sure that shit's loitering around here somewhere!"

"oh, it's okay, you can go help her. i'll just look for someone else —"

"nah, it's fine!" you try hard to school your face into indifference when you notice his gummy smile. "plus… trust me when i say no other person from the committee will help you with this. this shit smells like my roommate's sweaty basketball socks!"

you can't help the smile forming on your face as you help him carry the mattress off to the side of the hallway, the stinky thing leaning vertically against the wall and behind a huge terracotta plant pot. "don't worry, let's report it to student affairs so they'll get you a new one. congrats! you'll have to share beds with your new roommate tonight, freshie. it'd be a great ice breaker."

the universe truly hates you.

your expression must've been a dead give away because he's suddenly patting your shoulder, regarding you with utmost sympathy. "been there, done that. i hated taeyong, too, when i met him last year. still, for some mind fuck of a miracle, we've grown to be friends and developed a talent of not wanting to kill each other every two seconds."

"highly doubt i'd be friends with a regina george-level bitch, but thanks, anyway," you mutter under your breath. suddenly, you whip your head towards him after internalizing what he just said. "you met your roommate last year? you're a sophomore?"

he scoffs, leaning down to your height to lowly mutter against your ear as he eyes the lobby's front desk. "why? do i look like some 4th year who radiates 'don't touch me' energy?" 

you feel the heat on your cheeks with how close he is, only releasing an exhale when he finally gets out of your personal space. "i'm kim doyoung. you've heard it from wendy earlier, but anyway — i'm a 2nd-year psych major."

"no way!" you exclaim, a little too excited. "i'm taking psych, too!"

"oh, you are? well, if you need anything or if you don't understand stuff…" he winks. "feel free to approach me anytime."

hmm… how sweet of him. 

it was only hours later that you found out who kim doyoung is in your department during the acquaintance party. and for god's sake, you found out from your best friend who is a major in english lit and has never even seen the guy. "seriously, you didn't know he's a genius? i hear the professors call him a prodigy, girl! a fucking prodigy. if i were you, i'd ask for his help in every subject."

"you know i prefer keeping to myself. how'd i know stuff like that when i have no one to talk to in the psych dorms?" you look down, making the ice cubes in your drink clink against each other. "i didn't think he was this big shot or whatever. he looks normal, and everyone treats him normally."

"well, what do you expect?" she hisses, hitting your arm. "the other students don't want to make him feel alienated or something just because he's tons smarter than them. but anyway… the real question is…"

you roll your eyes when she pauses for effect, tentatively leaning closer to whisper under her breath. 

"is he cute?"

you didn't want to answer her question, but he's been stuck in your head since he offered walking with you to the student affairs office. doyoung had smiled his cute gummy smile and had even ruffled your hair before leaving you for committee duties — saying he's cute would be an understatement. 

"you have no idea."

for his first act;

he gains your trust.

fast forward to one year, many things have changed, but the only constant remaining is the handsome sophomore — who is now a 3rd-year, by the way — whom you've met on your first day. coursework has been pretty tough this year. instead of the content written in your textbook, your mind is plagued by the horrible twist of fate your best friend had encountered; she didn't have enemies. or so you thought.

she disappeared in the middle of christmas break last year. her beaten up body was found only a month later, in january, floating around the university's lake. happy fucking new year. 

the first time she chose to spend the holidays with you instead of her family back in her hometown, and that happens? some rotten luck you both have. it's why you didn't put it past her family to hate your guts with strong convictions. it's okay. the feeling's mutual. after all, it had been your best friends' own family, the same ones who had been so willing to take you in when you got kicked out, that were so eager to pin you as the murderer of their child. all under the argument that you have been the last person seen with her. 

oh, the things her mom said about you when she had stormed into the police station, red in the face, tears streaming down her cheeks..."i warned my baby not to hang out with that — that bitch. came straight out of a cursed family, that one. abusive dad, a nutjob mom. that bitch is a danger! probably got her dad's nasty temper and beat my baby to death! i want her on the electric chair!"

in those times, you once again realize this world is fucked up and cruel in every bit of its glory as you fought tooth and nail to defend yourself. but even then, they never believed you — the law will only favor the rich . the prosecution had been so sure it was you until a certain witness appeared and presented himself before the jury.

"do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" 

doyoung raises his right hand, fixing his stare straight at the judge. "i solemnly and sincerely declare that the evidence i shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"how long have you known the defendant?" the prosecutor asks, arms crossed in front of her chest as she paces in front of the witness stand.

the boy briefly meets your gaze, and it's enough to make his heart sink. doyoung can't bear seeing you in those grey overalls when he knows it himself. you're being accused of a crime you didn't commit. "i've known her for one year."

"how'd you meet?"

and the questions went on and on; your defense attorney isn't all too keen on winning the case and had never once yelled "objection!" in her seat, but what could you expect? all the evidence kept stacking against you, and some of those you knew were even fabricated. you've never felt this hopeless in your whole twenty years of living. 

"what's the point in this, anyway?" doyoung snapped in the witness stand, fiercely glaring at the prosecutor. "how is my history — or lack thereof — with the defendant any relevant to the case? you're not even asking me about evidence nor what my statement is!"

"easy there," the prosecutor retaliates, jaw locked. "i have to first measure what exactly your relationship is with the defendant for us to think twice about your statement. who knows..." the prosecutor makes a grand gesture of turning her head in your direction, affixing you with a condescending stare. "she might've just hired you to say these things."

your attorney doesn't come to your aid.

"perjury isn't my thing." 

the prosecutor seems to have taken offense by the tone of doyoung's voice, but he doesn't let her speak further. "the victim isn't all sunshine and rainbows, you know. she'd been a part of a sorority and one with quite a nasty reputation in the college, too. i have to say she made very poor decisions, ones i'm sure her family didn't even know about. you see, they take their oaths and pledges very seriously. the victim wanted out. they didn't like that."

"and you have evidence to support this claim?"

without a moment to waste, he digs around the front pocket of his jeans before proudly presenting a black usb between his slender fingers. "knock yourself out."

the professor calls your name, snapping you out of your reverie. this isn't the first time your mind had transported you back to that particular day in the courtroom, where doyoung had swooped in and saved you from a lifetime in prison. the whole ordeal had been so scary, so frightening that you remember everything vividly as if it had only happened yesterday.

the classroom is empty. even your social psych professor has long packed up his stuff and is already standing by the classroom door. damn. were you that out of it?

"i'm so sorry." you mutter under your breath monotonously as you walk past him and out the door without another word. this is bad, very bad. no one would help, much less lend their notes to someone charged with murder — especially of their very own best friend. whether you were innocent or not doesn't matter to the student body. you've been ostracized, gossips of your problematic family spreading like wildfire, and the ridiculous part is only a fourth of the gossips are true.

the damage is done. 

at this point, you realize with a heavy heart that you have to face doyoung again sooner or later. you haven't talked to him at all since the start of the new school year, ignoring his lighthearted greetings in the hallways, rejecting his calls, ghosting his texts. you are afraid people would judge him harshly for hanging around you. frankly, you were embarrassed to ask any more favors from him with how much he's done for you already and the fact that he had seen you in such a state of vulnerability.

but you also didn't want to fail your subjects and lose the one thing holding your life together — your scholarship.

that is why you found yourself standing before him, in his favorite spot in the library tucked behind shelves upon shelves of books, next to the windows overlooking the empty football field. he's wearing black-rimmed glasses and is clad in the usual navy blue sweater as his head turns to and fro between a textbook and his notebook. the air had been so silent, you hear the aggressive scratches his pencil makes against the paper.

you feel a little hurt when he makes no move to acknowledge your presence, but you think back to what you have been doing and figured he has a right to act this way. 

"hey, doyoung." your voice is meek, hesitant.

"if you're not here to explain nor give me an acceptable reason why you've been ignoring me for the last few months, then please get out of my sight. i'm busy, as you can tell." he is brutally honest, knocking down the remaining hope you have left of ever reconciling with him.

something within you snaps, the steady streams of tears running down your cheeks as you pinned your stare on doyoung's open pencil case lying on the table. you have nobody left. your family — father, specifically speaking — has disowned you for taking a course your heart wanted, and the one friend you have lies motionless in a white coffin buried six feet under the ground. you didn't want to lose doyoung, too, no matter what role he plays in your life.

"i'm sorry," your voice cracks. "life's been… fucking shitty, and i'm sure you of all people know what i've been through. i've thanked you before for — for what you did, and i'm thanking you again right now but — i'm sorry, i'm really —"

your voice cracks when you feel him pulling you into an embrace. you feel the tension in your body breaking loose as you crumble in his arms. all those months grieving and wallowing in self-pity took such a heavy toll that you can't help but tightly clutch the sides of his hoodie, scared he'll slip through your fingers.

one of his hands comes up to push your face against the crook of his neck, muffling your cries in the silent library. doyoung felt like a jerk for snapping at you the way he did. how inconsiderate can he be? however, he felt elated because you sought him out yourself and wanted his help of all people.

his eyebrow raises in amusement. 

well, not that you have a choice, anyway.

it took you a few good minutes to calm down, cringing when you see the wet patch on doyoung's sweater because of your tears. 

"why don't you tell me everything, hmm? i'll help you as much as i can."

you sheepishly look down, fiddling with your fingers as you sit across him, the open textbook and notebook before him long forgotten. "well, i've been so out of it lately? my mind's just a whole bloody mess and i can't focus on any of my subjects at all and if i can't, then i'll lose the scholarship and it's the only thing i have in my life right now —"

"hey," doyoung cuts you off, placing a warm hand against your forearm to calm you down. "you won't lose that scholarship. trust me, okay? why don't we arrange tutoring sessions and i'll even lend you some of my notes from last year. what do you think?"

"okay... thank you, doyoung."

"for the record, you have me in your life, too. i'll always be here for you."

in the first session, you woke up from your deep slumber with only 15 minutes to spare from the scheduled time, but thankfully, your tutor only lives one floor down with the rest of the 3rd-years. bringing nothing with you but a pen and a pad of paper, your textbooks were destroyed as some students from your batch thought it'd be fun to throw them into the lake to "honor" your friend. 

you offer a small smile when taeyong opens the door, sporting an oversized shirt and track pants, eyes wide in shock when he sees you. "hi? can i help you?"

"hello! i'm here for doyoung. he's tutoring —"

"he doesn't live here anymore. his mom bought him a place outside the campus."

what?

"i'm sorry for disturbing you, then. do you by any chance know where he lives?"

that's weird. doyoung never mentioned he's already moved out. you feel a wee bit irritated that he forgot to tell you; it would've saved you the embarrassment of interacting with the varsity player. you weren't stupid, you can see the hints of repulsion in taeyong's eyes the moment he opened that door and saw you standing before him, no doubt thinking about: oh, look, it's the crazy murderer with a fucked up family standing in front of me.

he had shut the door in your face. you stood awkwardly for a good minute in the hallway until the door reopens, taeyong handing you a small piece of paper with doyoung's new address scribbled hurriedly in black ink. he doesn't give you a chance to thank him for he's already closed the door again without another word. 

you opted walking to his place instead of catching a ride because the money you have on you is enough to buy yourself dinner. to say the least, the apartment building is mediocre, not too grand, nor is it too rundown. double-checking the floor level written on the paper before pushing the elevator's button, you then realize doyoung lives on the very top floor of the building.

the hallways are painted a boring brown. some acrylic number signs plastered on the doors are broken, hanging vertically with one screw left. it says on the paper he resides in room 720. taking the right hallway, you mentally count as you eye the mahogany doors. 718… 719… there it is!

when you raise a fist to start knocking on his door, there is a tinge of hesitation surging through you. perhaps being alone with a boy in his apartment is not the best setting for a girl like you should end up in, but this is doyoung we're talking about. if he had ill intentions for you, it would've manifested a long time ago. you shake your head, feeling bad for thinking of him that way as you slowly knock on his front door. not long after, it swings open, revealing the 3rd-year in a white shirt and boxers as he lazily dries his hair off with a small towel. 

"you're late," is the first thing he says to you before spinning on his heel to disappear further into his humble abode. 

"you didn't exactly inform me you've moved out of the dorms. so, whose fault is it?" you retaliate, inviting yourself in and closing the front door shut.

"whatever. let's get started!" he plops himself on the floor, coffee table filled with loose papers as he struggles to find a specific one amongst the mess. "i've already scanned, exported to pdf, and emailed you my notes. it should be in your inbox by now. anyway, answer this quiz i made so i know what i'll be working on."

"you didn't really have to send your notes, doyoung. i could've just read everything from the textbook," you sit down across from him because otherwise, you'll be too distracted to remember information. 

a thought crosses his mind. with what textbook?

"i just think it's missing some essence. that's why i love reading over other psych books in the library for fun. be grateful, those notes are like my babies and i don't simply give them to anyone," he looks at you pointedly. "they've all been summarized and explained in layman's terms so you wouldn't have to spend grueling hours of reading and trying to make sense of the big words as i did — i know that's not the definition of 'fun' normally, but it is for me, and that's why i do it."

"okay, doyoung. you sound so defensive when there's nothing to be defensive about," you tease, feeling pleased with the hint of red on his cheeks as he averts his gaze from yours, muttering incoherent words under his breath.

you spent the following tuesdays, thursdays, and sundays like that; hours upon hours with no one but your tutor, laptops with tangled chargers, a printed copy of his babies, and a mountain pile of loose papers filled with the specialized quizzes doyoung makes to measure your progress. the location varies from a cafe or his flat. but in what you've gathered from the time you spent with him, doyoung's a homebody. cafe tutor sessions are rare, and he always complained about how "noisy" the atmosphere was — "i can't stand it."

but the conversation hadn't always been about academics. 

sure, for the first few sessions, doyoung kept an image of professionalism and had heavily insisted on it — "it's for your learning experience!" — despite your lighthearted teasing. but as time passed and he eventually grew more comfortable in your presence, you find the strict 15-minute break he had initially imposed between 45 minutes of studying turned into hours of talking about whatever; how he likes his eggs in the morning, your favorite coffee brew, his favorite show, your strongest pet peeve. 

and you wholly welcomed the change, not minding that it's practically dark out whenever you go back to your miserable dorm. you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever doyoung offers to walk you home but never had you taken his offer, still cautious of other people seeing you both together despite his constant reassurances. you've already thoroughly ruined your image. you didn't want to ruin his, too. 

kdy the cute tutor, 2:14 pm —last day of midterms! & its all majors today  —good luck —remember what i taught u —lets get ice cream after u cant say no

you shake your head bemusedly. his texting style is the most doyoung thing he does and it's as if you can hear him say these things to you in real life. too caught up in your own world, you fail to detect another student sitting next to you and had nearly fallen off your chair in shock when they spoke.

"why are your notes like that?"

you fight the urge to glare at the person, especially when you turn your head and see lee jeno looking at you in genuine curiosity. he's the only batchmate that treats you a wee bit nicer among the rest. although he isn't technically your friend, at least he doesn't look at you like you're a piece of bubblegum stuck under his shoe like all the others.

"what do you mean?"

"they're… the definitions are all jumbled up. where did you even get that?" 

what? jumbled up? doyoung himself said these notes are a combination of most of the psychology books he had read last year concerning his subjects. how would it be jumbled up? then again, lee jeno was not tutored by the prodigy himself. maybe things are bound to seem "jumbled up" when information is too great to understand for a feeble mind. 

just as you were about to claim these notes aren't yours, the professor has already waltzed into the classroom with a thick wad of papers — the exams. after one last concerned glance directed your way, jeno averts his gaze with a confused tilt of the head. 

hours later, you walk out of the classroom with the biggest smile on your face. aced it, you thought. your hands feel numb with how much you wrote on the essay portion but it's worth it if it meant you get the full 25 points, which you no doubt will as it was a topic you surely tackled with doyoung. speaking of... he sure is a man of his word.

"what are you doing here?" you hiss, head ducked with hair framing your face as to not draw attention from the rest of the students filing out of the testing hall.

"i texted you that we're getting ice cream. remember?"

"i did. but i didn't remember agreeing."

he shoots you a comforting smile, planting his hands firmly on your shoulder. “i told you, y/n. i don't care if they all see us together, so what? we all know you didn't commit that crime and it wasn't your fault you were born into the family you had. i don't care about the trivial things, baby, so don't shy away from me, okay?"

how the fuck can you say 'no' when he's looking at you the way he is as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear? doyoung's just so bewitching that he has you wrapped around his slender fingers. he seems pleased when you stumbled over your words as you come up with a reply, caught off guard by his bold gestures.

"i just — you, uhh — fine..." you gave in, rolling your eyes out of pretense.

he just had to call you 'baby' and erupt the butterflies in your stomach.

it had been doing that for the last few months now and it had only truly manifested today when he took you out for ice cream to celebrate the end of hell week. and since you didn't want to go back to your dorm yet, you asked if you guys can watch some movies in his house but it had simply become background noise to your heart-to-heart talks. and what better accompaniment than the classic, chicken and beer?

you listen to him drone on and on about the little realizations he had on some of his past lectures even when you barely understood anything he's saying. doyoung's so lucky to be extremely good at something he's so passionate about, talks about the human mind and the complexity of a person's behavior will never fail to make his eyes light up in interest.

he calls out your name.

your eyes snap open.

"why don't we get you home? it's past 10 and it's alright, stupid, you don't need to pretend to be interested in my psychological findings." he chuckled light-heartedly, stealing the can of the now room-temperature beer from your hands before you can protest. 

"i wasn't dozing off, i swear."

"i caught you in the act. stop lying."

like all the other times he has you as his guest, doyoung once again offers to walk you home and you decline for the thousandth time. it really isn't that much of a long walk anyway. you don't see the need for him to go out of his way to secure your safety. plus, you were the one who insisted on hanging out in his house anyway. you weren't that thick-skinned to let him take you home, too.

"you're drunk!" he scolds.

“no, i’m not. i can perfectly handle myself."

"but —"

"bye!" 

you feel a little guilty for shutting the door in his face. still, a minute longer of his persistence and you would've taken his offer. unfortunately for doyoung, you are one stubborn girl. only if you don't make brisk movements with your head, then you won't see doubles. you'll be fine, it's just a quick walk and it's not as if you're stupid enough to pass by deserted alleys. 

but you had underestimated the divine prowess of your fucked up fate.

everything happened in a matter of three seconds; one, the blinding headlights illuminate your path from behind; two, you hear the loud honk, and as you turn around — three, the vehicle sends you rolling against the asphalt.

you should have taken the alleyways.

for his second act;

he alters your reality.

when you open your eyes, you thought you were dead and your spirit is wandering elsewhere — because you don't believe in trivial things like heaven and god — until an agitated doyoung comes into view. for a split second, you thought, is he dead, too?

"i'm not dead, you idiot." too dazed, you hardly register his anger. "i can perfectly handle myself, she said. i'm not drunk, she said. this wouldn't have happened if you had simply let me walk you home! you're damn fucking lucky you're alive and breathing right now!"

a person clears their throat.

"i don't think it wise to… nag at the patient the moment she wakes. don't you agree, sir?"

pink splotches on doyoung's cheek as he looks down, embarrassed at getting scolded as he stands closer to your bed. "i'm sorry, doc."

you didn't know when your vision cleared or when you started hearing normally again, but it was enough to find out what exactly had transpired on the very night of your tragic accident. a hit and run. fifty-fifty chance of surviving. doyoung getting a call from the hospital in the middle of the night —"they were trying to contact your dad, but he wasn't answering. i was the last person in your call history." 

six months in a coma. but today, you wake… only to find out your world has crashed and burned.

"what do you mean i lost my scholarship?"

"baby, listen to me —"

"why did they take it away? is it because of my accident? i'm behind by one term only and i swear i can catch up. they need to let me back in the program. there must've been some mistake —"

"your gpa didn't reach the cut-off grade."

that can't be possible.

"but you tutored me!" you claim with conviction, pointing an accusatory finger at him until you groan, bowing in pain as you clutch your head.

doyoung springs into action. the chair's legs screech against the tiles as he jumps to your aid, ushering you gently back against the hospital bed despite your refusal. "you're not well. lay back down, please."

you don't hear a single word he says, not when you had lost something so crucial. "i put in the effort and learned everything you taught me... i aced those fucking mid-terms! i know i did!" you were on the brink of tearing up as doyoung settled himself in front of you.

"i… i actually saw your papers," his lips set in a thin, hard-line. "everything was all wrong, sweetheart. what happened to you? i tried reasoning with the professors, mentioned your state — you know, with your best friend dying — but they didn't relent. i'm sorry y/n. i'm so —"

gone. everything is gone. the money. the dorm. what if they ask you to pay the fees from last year? what if they ask you to pay the tuition fee for this year? you have no money, no family, no relatives. no one to help. who's even going to pay for the hospital fees?

you weren't able to process anything after that. not with the sudden news of your now revoked scholarship. doyoung pulls you in a tight hug. "i was a bad tutor," he says, snapping you out of it. "maybe i shouldn't have pushed you that hard to learn them. why were your answers even mixed up y/n? i thought you knew those topics already…"

he pulls away, observing your confused state as your eyes dart everywhere in the room. "what — how are they mixed up? i know i got them right. there has to be some mistake. you taught me those topics, remember?"

"i did... "he averts his gaze. "but i don't remember teaching them to you mixed up, darling. i think you did that all on your own."

"but… why would i mix up my answers? that's —"

"see, what i mean?" he cuts you off, raising a hand to give your cheek the most delicate caress. "you're not well, baby. you need to be treated, especially with how much you hit your head during the accident. don't worry, i'm here. we'll try asking if you can stay in the dorms at least until you find another place —"

"am i a charity case to you?"

oh, the surprise on the junior's face when you push him away as you pin him with a hard stare. you just don't get it. why is kim doyoung so adamant about helping you? in becoming your hero, even when you never asked him to be? if you let him help you this time around, that'll be the 3rd time he came to save your ass. it's not as if you're ungrateful. simply, you've had enough of his help. you don't know how a person like you, who literally has nothing, can return the favor to someone like doyoung.

"what are you saying —"

"i'm saying…" you fix him a hard stare. "you helping me out doesn't even benefit you in the slightest. so why do you do it?"

he pauses, staring at you with hesitance in his eyes as this seems to be the very first time you've truly seen him speechless. when doyoung opens his mouth, he mumbles, and you hardly make sense of what he said. 

"do you really want to know why?" 

you urge him on with an arched eyebrow, his softened tone creeping into your heart. 

"you're someone special to me y/n. i don't know how or when i admitted it to myself, but you are, and it hurts me to see how shitty your luck is," he cracks a small grin, slowly settling back onto the hospital bed as he grabs your hand. "it's okay to seek help from others. it isn't a sign of vulnerability or weakness. i help you because i want to, and i'm more than willing to take care of you. will you let me?"

you're not blind. you've noticed the way he had slowly started coming closer as he continued to speak, hands held securely in his as he looked straight at your eyes then down at your lips. and so, you act in a way you know that will surely answer his question — with a kiss. 

the man before you immediately reciprocates, overpowering your own eagerness as he curls the tips of his fingers into the roots of your hair. he pulls you close, cradling you against his chest. you can taste his desperation in the way his tongue dances against yours, the kiss transporting you into an alternate reality where your world revolves around doyoung and doyoung alone. 

when he pulls away bleary-eyed, both of you ignore the thin strand of saliva connecting your lips. "how about you come live with me for the time being, my love?"

still high off his kiss and natural scent, you hardly mull over the question he asks you. "okay."

days later, after you've been discharged (he wanted to chip in for your hospital bills but you had given him a firm no), doyoung had been the one to show up at the dorm to collect all your things after leaving you in his apartment. the cutie had refused to simply drop you off and had deliberately accompanied you up the elevator, through the halls, and finally into his apartment. 

"i'll be out for just a minute, sugarcube."

"oh, can you get take out?"

doyoung had smiled, playfully booping the tip of your nose. "no, because i'll be cooking for us tonight as a little celebration for you getting discharged. you'll love it; i'm making your favorite!"

it was funny how the night had been nothing but utter bliss. the foreign feeling of being taken care of sprouting in your chest as you watch him cooking from behind the counter. it felt… nice. but funny enough, as if doing a 360, you both had immediately gotten into an argument the next day. 

"i don't see the need for skipping another day if i feel perfectly fine! i'll figure something out once we get there, doyoung, so can we just —"

"you' re not fine, babylove — hell, you got discharged yesterday! i'm not just about to let you back into the arena with those students. they've only grown more immature since your coma, love. i seriously don't want you near them."

"fine! then i won't talk to them. simple." you throw your hands up. "there. problem solved. now, can we please just go to uni? i need to talk to the dean and the head of student affairs, too —"

"i'm going to uni, not you."

maybe it had been the way he firmly stated his claim, the way his eyes pierced through your soul as if daring you to argue further with him that made you snap.

"i'm not a prisoner in this apartment, doyoung! don't treat me like i have the plague! i'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself — jesus christ, i've been doing it nearly half my fucking life!"

too caught up in your anger, you've failed to notice the tears pouring down his face as he sets his gaze on the floor. 

"you're right," his voice cracks. "i shouldn't be pushy like that. i'm sorry. you just mean so much to me and i'm so scared of losing you again. with your coma — i just — it's like i was fighting a losing battle each day that passed when i saw you in that hospital bed. i've never felt so scared in my whole life and i hated myself for not being able to protect you that night."

his tears run like waterfalls, and when you step forward with your arms wide open, doyoung sobs harder as he pulls you against him. you hardly comprehend what he says as he spoke, shaking against your frail body as you felt his tears stain your blouse. "i'm sorry, i never should've dictated what you felt — i'm so sorry."

"no, it's okay. i was feeling a little lightheaded, anyway. i'll stay here and i can come back to school next semester, right? doyoung? just… please stop crying."

he lifts his head, staring at you with bloodshot eyes before giving your forehead a kiss. you let a relieved sigh escape your lips, melting into his warmth as you prop your chin on his shoulder. if you had only been more attentive, you would've seen the reflection of his wicked grin on the tabletops. too easy.

living with him became a blur after that incident. everything fell into a routine for the next four days as you spent the day watching netflix, eating, reading, sleeping. nothing felt fun anymore. but your peaceful life had ceased during the fifth night — the whispers, they woke you up. you can hear them from behind your door at night, and when you rouse awake, you see doyoung walking around the hallway from the tiny gap at the bottom of the door. you had sighed, falling back into your plush bed as you pray to god, he keeps it down. 

but what he told you the next day rendered you speechless. "me, walking around the hallways? whispers?" he says, confused. "i was already asleep, love. knocked out cold the moment my body fell on the bed."

"but…"

he doesn't spare you a glance as he takes his sweet time skimming through his notes on the dining table, coffee in one hand. "maybe it's just the meds kicking in."

"no, surely it was real! i literally woke up in the middle of the night," you repeat. "it's okay if it was you, doyoung. i'm not mad."

he sets his coffee mug down a little too loud. 

"well, you can't be mad at me, sugar, because like i said — it wasn't me," it doesn't take a genius to notice he's awfully cranky today. you observe him, dark half-moons under his eyes as he relentlessly reads his notes with instant coffee in one hand. 

"you're just imagining things, okay? stop acting crazy."

for some reason, the way he had uttered certain words like 'imagining' and 'crazy' made you curl into your seat in embarrassment. he was right that your doctor did prescribe a generous amount of pills per day, but his tone made it feel off, made you feel like there was something wrong with you even when there wasn't… 

right?

you didn't say a word after that and had hesitantly pecked him on the cheek before he left for school. with the amount of time you're with him, two things stood out to you — his keen sense of observation and his knack for reading people. you highly doubt he didn't notice a shift in your behavior but a part of you thinks it's just the stress talking. he is about to take his finals and had recently started on his research paper. 

every psych student is required to present a paper in accordance with the department's annual theme. it could be anything from proposing a theory (if you dare) to constructing a well-developed psychology model. if you don't turn one in, you don't graduate — the paper's that important, and you've been bugging him for so long about sneaking a peek on what his study is about. but he always refused. 

the next week came rolling around, and both of you had been spending every day together due to the semestral break. the arguments have significantly lessened, but your episodes — eventually, you started calling it that way because that's how doyoung labels it — have only gotten worse. you end up moving out of the guest room and into his. privacy be damned. the whispers stopped momentarily but what came next became your imminent downfall.

the first time you heard it, you thought you were dreaming. but the doorknob kept rattling aggressively even as you sat up. just as you climb off the bed, your half-asleep boyfriend asks where you're going. 

"bathroom," you lied.

you were always the one to snort when it comes to the supernatural, claiming it's all bullshit. yet, as whatever outside continues to fight its way inside the room, the rattling progressing into loud bangs against the door, you're not so sure of your beliefs anymore. you're not crazy. nothing is wrong with you, and you're perfectly fine. this apartment is cursed, and you are going to prove that to doyoung.

grabbing your phone from the bedside table, you turn the flash on, pointing the camera at the door as you take a footage of the mad entity that has been playing games with you. a squeal escapes your lips when a particular bang! reverberates louder in the room than all the others. the phone slips your hand, falling onto the floorboards. you don't bother to retrieve it as you scramble to get yourself back under the blanket and into doyoung's comfortable warmth.

you snuggle yourself plush against his chest, shaking as you wrap your arms around his waist, inhaling his natural scent to anchor you back. 

bang! bang! bang!

you didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

"can't the video wait? there's a new episode of start-up, and i want to watch it already!" he whines, shoving his face further on the throw pillow situated on your lap.

you giggle, shaking your head as you scroll through your gallery to find the video. i'm not imagining things. i'm not hallucinating. i'm not crazy. "here! watch... i'm telling you this apartment is haunted, and the ghost probably likes you, which is why it doesn't bother you —"

your lighthearted rambling cuts off when you notice no sound emitting from your phone. weird. you could've sworn you started recording right when the loud banging has already started. your heart drops upon the wary stare doyoung shoots you before he continues to watch the video. 

no, no, no, no — please!

you quickly scoot over to his side, watching as the video unfolds before your very eyes. the shot was messy as the phone was handheld, not to mention you were panicking at the time. but the video is silent. not a single noise of a rattling doorknob or banging on the door can be heard through your phone's speakers. 

"maybe — maybe you didn't turn the volume up?"

you hardly contain the mortification in your face when you realize the volume's at 100 already. and as if on cue, your squeal is heard in the video and the noise of the phone hitting the floor.

doyoung's silence shakes your whole being. as you kneel before him teary-eyed, your voice breaks. "i swear, i'm not crazy."

but at this point, you don't believe yourself anymore.

for his third and final act;

he triumphs.

his deprivation began in minuscule ripples. 

it didn't take much effort on doyoung's end to convince you to stop studying for a year or two, at least, only until your hallucinations aren't as severe anymore. everyday felt like hell on earth as the fine line between what's real and what isn't has blurred over one too many times. in sheer paranoia of accidentally hurting him in his sleep, you moved out of his bedroom and had started sleeping in the guest room again — much to doyoung's frustration. 

but he's a smart man, one that recognizes an opportunity amidst the hurdles thrown on his path.

"why does my door need a lock outside again?"

he approaches you, who’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, after screwing in the last of the screws that came with the new doorknob. doyoung is familiar with the look written on your face, has observed and studied you enough to navigate his way inside your pretty little head with ease.

he can't have you doubting him, can he?

"you know i'm all about protecting you, right?" he starts. you nodded. "i've been doing it for a year now, and i will continue to do so until you need me to. the world is a bad place, sweetheart, remember? your own best friend's mother tried framing you. your dad disowned you. you've been ostracized in the whole college... do you think i'm just like the rest of them, baby?"

doyoung has already mastered the perfect expression of a kicked-puppy, one that easily pulls at your heartstrings and has you cooing at him.

"no!" you say with conviction, reaching forward to thread your fingers through his. "i know you're different, not like any of them at all. i know you're only doing what's… best for me."

he ignores the underlying hesitance in your tone. that will be corrected, sooner or later.

doyoung tightens his hold as he kisses the back of your hand. such an innocent gesture — but such ill intentions.

"the outside lock helps me in protecting you, love. you don't need to worry about anything. just focus on getting better, alright? i'll keep the bad guys away from you."

it was during his first semester of senior year, a few months back, doyoung and a good few students of his batch had been granted the opportunity to intern for a mental hospital located near the edge of the city. he was supposed to decline the offer but you convinced him to take the spot. it had only been a two-week “job” yet it was enough for doyoung to conclude — he’d rather kill you than subject you to the horrors of what the patients have to go through in the loony bin. 

eventually, the small ripples shift into unforgiving waves, dragging you into the depths as everything comes crashing down before your very own eyes.

it should have been like any other day inside the apartment. doyoung's already gone in the morning to attend classes. though not before setting a tray of your brunch on the nightstand, making sure to lock your door on his way out. he knew your nightmares and anxiety kept you up at night, resulting in longer hours of sleep during the day. 

turns out, you moving out of his bedroom had been a blessing in disguise. coming home to an empty apartment has become his biggest fear yet, and you unconsciously found a solution for him. one that doesn’t have him fidgeting on his seat as he counts down the minutes ‘til he’s back by your side.

doyoung smiles unconsciously as he listens to his professor drone on and on in front of him — his mind at peace, knowing you're safe and sound in your little prison.

until he received a text that made his blood run cold.

ty, 11:34 am —im done.

meanwhile, you rouse awake once more to thunderous poundings against your bedroom door. oh no, you thought. it's happening again. this time, there'll be no doyoung barging into your room, half-asleep and hair messy, as he tries to calm you down. you throw the blankets over you as you sob, hugging your legs against your chest as you try to 'wake yourself up' from the hallucination.

the person outside calls for your name, the desperation in their tone alighting a new-found fear in your heart. you don't know what's real anymore. is this truly happening, or is it another hallucination your fucked up mind has conjured up?

"please! it's taeyong! y/n, can you hear me?"

taeyong?

slowly, your head peaks above the blanket, warily staring at the door. doyoung has warned you about these kinds of things, has practically ingrained in your mind that whoever comes looking for you will take you away from him. not to mention, doyoung slipped one time and said he isn’t friends with taeyong anymore.

the banging on the door progresses.

“are you in there? answer me! i can’t find the key!”

you don’t say anything, merely pushing the covers off your body as you keep your eyes fixed on the beating door. it looks like it’s about to pop out its hinges as taeyong relentlessly fights his way inside your room. what are you going to do? do you open the door? oh. right. you can’t do that on your own accord. the key is with doyoung and he isn’t in the apartment at the moment.

all your thoughts come to a halt when the boy outside sends the door flying open, finally breaking the lock with one powerful kick. you flinch back, his actions pushing you on your feet, wanting to place a maximum amount of distance from the intruder. 

taeyong looks frantic, disheveled as he immediately notices your alarmed state. he approaches you cautiously, hands up to show his empty palms. “hey, hey… it’s just me, y/n. i’m not going to hurt you. i’m not the enemy here.”

“doyoung doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

the look of surprise on his face is an answer in itself. for someone doyoung had proudly claimed to have “broken” you’re still quite quick to catch up on things, taeyong observed. and he doesn’t know what to feel about it — pity? guilt?

“that’s not important!” he claims, boldly surging forward to grasp your shoulders with a firm grip. taeyong felt his heart dropping when you flinch under his grasp. 

“listen to me. we need to get you out of here. doyoung isn’t — he isn’t everything you thought he is!” he can’t help but raise his voice, panic surging through him because there’s not much time left and you aren’t exactly cooperating. you’ve been trying to shrug off his hold the whole time. 

“do you think he actually loves you?”

“he does! stop saying bullshit!”

“doyoung never loved anyone and you want to know why? because he’s too in love with his research to care for anything else!” taeyong felt bad to have been so direct, especially when he sees the tears now falling freely down your cheeks. “listen to me, y/n! i’m not the enemy! if there’s anyone you should be pushing away, it’s doyoung! he turned you into his lab rat! you are nothing but a variable in his study! don’t you get it?”

taeyong grabs a firm but gentle hold of your head, trying to make you look at him straight in the eye for the gravity of what he’s about to say to you.

“doyoung had his eye on you since sophomore year. i told him this was a bad idea and that he should change the topic of the research and he was. fucking hell, he was about to scrap the whole thing until your bestfriend died and did you know what that psycho told me? that it was a sign for him to continue the research! and i’ve been pestering him so much that he moved out because he claimed i was going to get in the way of his discovery.

tell you what, if you can tell me right here, right now, that he has mentioned anything — anything at all — about his study to you then everything i’m saying is a lie.”

you have asked doyoung for the longest time about that research but the answers have always been the same. “not yet, my love. it’s not time for it to be seen with your eyes. soon, okay?”

with a voice not louder than a whisper, you ask. “what… what’s his research about?”

you fail to see the sorry look on taeyong’s face. “in psychology, they say a person only develops psychosis mainly through genetics or drugs. although you’re technically already a worthy “lab rat” considering your mom and upbringing, he wanted to expand the external factors of what causes the disorder — grief, grades, toxic family relations…”

you hear a ringing in your ear and a sudden urge to throw up. only, you didn’t have anything to hurl because your brunch remains untouched on your bedside. 

“but he hadn’t been successful. and that’s… that’s where i came along. doyoung thought the medications he’s been giving you isn’t doing what he wanted it to and he knew he needed a little push. i was… i gave him that push. remember the whispers, the banging on the door at night? it was all me. he made me do it. you know what that means, right? you’re not crazy. you don’t need to stay here cooped up like some kind of pet, believing all his lies as if it’s written in a fucking bible ���”

he stops. and if he hadn’t, you wouldn’t’ve heard the familiar beeps of the front door’s automated lock going off. doyoung’s home. 

in lightning speed, taeyong has you sheltered behind him, throwing his warm coat over you in the process, hoping to give the smallest comfort amidst the chaos that’s about to erupt. there’s no point in pretending or hiding — one look at that lock and his crazy friend would know something’s off. 

taeyong feels you flinching behind him with every heavy footstep against the floorboards as doyoung wastes no time in getting to your room. and when he finally appears, hands braced against the door frame, you’ve never been this scared your whole life. his eyes are drawn into slits, fixated on taeyong alone. “how fucking dare you?”

“it’s over, doyoung. give it up or you wouldn’t have to suffer a longer sentence than you’ll already get.” taeyong tried with his whole being to appear intimidating.

“what’re you saying, yong? i meant, how fucking dare you barge in here and disturb my girlfriend in her sleep? that’s not very nice of you…” doyoung sports a disarming gummy smile as he approaches, hand outstretched and beckoning towards you. “c’mere, baby. i don’t think you’ve eaten lunch yet?”

“drop the fucking act, you psycho!”

“what act?” doyoung tilts his head innocently, gaze shifting from taeyong’s and yours, who keeps peeking from over his ex-friend’s shoulder. luring you out is a piece of cake unless taeyong decides to make things a wee bit more complicated, doyoung thought. “i’m just concerned for my darl —”

“we’re leaving.” taeyong cuts him off, breaking eye contact as he places a firm grip around your wrist. he pulls you towards him, farther away from your supposed lover as he tries walking past doyoung. 

but the said man pushes taeyong back with a humorless smile on his face. “and who told you that you can do that?”

a pregnant silence befalls the room as the two men size each other up. they regard each other with such hostility, you can't help but unconsciously fist the back of taeyong's sweater in nervousness, prompting the man to turn his head over his shoulder for a swift second to check up on you.

but a second is all that doyoung needed to deliver the first kick towards taeyong's legs, throwing him off his balance. if it was one thing doyoung knew, is that he needed to eliminate taeyong's agility all together if he wants to win against him. 

but taeyong isn't one to back down. the moment doyoung straddles him on the floor, with a fist raised to throw a punch, taeyong grunts as he rolls them around. doyoung now receiving taeyong's rain of fists as he yells. "fuck you! you manipulative asshole!"

you sat on the corner, horrified of the scene happening before you. you've never seen doyoung this way. he has always been your sweet, caring bunny, but after everything taeyong said, you aren't so sure you even know the man you've been living with. 

"everything i did, i did it for her!" you flinch at the sound of bones breaking as doyoung kicked taeyong's ribs. "she had nothing to lose! i saved her!"

the door is open, you noticed. wide-open and inviting you to make a run for it. and you would have made a run for it...  but taeyong. you can't leave him behind, not when he lays there bloody and grunting in pain as doyoung lets his anger take over him. so, as stupid as may be, you did it. you had to.

"you didn't save me," you say, schooling your face into indifference as doyoung whips around, forgetting about taeyong in the bat of an eye. "you caged me in here, treated me like there's something wrong with me, gaslighted me into believing everything you said! and... what did you say? 'saved me'? you made me go through hell!"

the whole time, taeyong tries his hardest to stand upright, but his broken ribs don't allow him to. the pain too great that he had no choice but to crawl instead, arms pulling his weight as he drags himself across the floorboards, desperately trying to get doyoung's attention back on him even if it meant getting beaten to death.

meanwhile, he had his eyes trained on you the whole time you spoke, sobbing as you walk backward in fear as doyoung approached you with a dark glint in his eye. he doesn't like what you're saying; that much is very clear. he wanted to yell at you, to scream of your ungratefulness despite his constant care but instead, he says.

"i thought we were making progress, baby. i guess i have to drill everything in your brain again. you're not okay, but you will be after i treat you."

you try to fight the urge to look at taeyong as he finds his strength, silently rising up from the floor to ambush doyoung while he's so busy preaching about you. 

"what i said is true, baby. do you actually think this scum over here is doing this to save you? do you actually believe everything he said? i've been here since day-1, my love. literally. and have i ever let you down? no. everything i'm doing is for us. even this damned research!"

taeyong surges forward to put him in a chokehold, but everything happened so fast, and the next thing you knew —

"did you actually think i'd fall for that?"

you didn't know the sound of a knife cutting through flesh could sound that loud, but nothing could beat the strained gasp that tumbled through taeyong's lips as he shakily held the knife pierced through his heart. you would've been concerned about how doyoung got it so accurate in one go or where the knife even came from. but you were too busy screaming, collapsing against the wall as you let out a broken sob. 

"no," you mutter. "no, no, no..."

you can't bear to avert your eyes from taeyong as he lies dying before you. the look of fear in his eyes would forever be ingrained in your mind, and no amount of brainwashing or gaslighting would ever make you forget.

doyoung killed him. you lost.

the knife clatters loudly on the floor as he slowly turns around as if he himself has yet to register what he did. you didn't know what to expect from doyoung's reaction but certainly not the eerie smile that starts spreading on his face. 

"now... how about that lunch, baby?"

✉ : a repost no one asked but i respectfully dont give a fuck <3

[glowingspence]

Can you do a platonic hotchreid with prompts 64 and 65???

"There was a kid with him, he is sitting in the waiting area but we can't get him to talk." The nurse tells Morgan when he arrives at the hospital.

Hotch had gotten a call that Gideon had been brought into the ER after someone tried breaking in and was surprised by him being home. Shots were exchanged while a bullet hit Gideon in the torso.

Hotch had called the team immediately, directing Morgan to drive down to the hospital for a reason he didn't understand because he and Gideon are hardly close, he knows he would rather have Hotch there but he had not been able to change his mind. Something had Hotch determind to check out the apartment.

"A kid?" Derek questions sceptical. He knows about Gideon's son, but they don't have any contact.

"Not a kid but a young man. Maybe a teenager. I can't tell you."

"Can you lead me to him?"

"Of course." The nurse leads him down the hall while she continues talking, "He seems distraught by what happened and he doesn't really let anyone talk to him but maybe you get lucky if you tell him that you are a friend of Agent Gideon."

"I will try, thank you." Slowly he walks into the waiting area that is apart from an old man in the corner and a woman reading a book empty. "Hey"

The man doesn't look up to him, he looks down on his blood soaked converse, the shoe lashes are open and have left a red pattern on the white floor.

"My name is Agent Derek Morgan, I work with Jason Gideon. Can you tell me who you are?" The man keeps on shuffling his feet over the ground, his thin hair covering parts of his face as he holds himself. "Did you call the ambulance?"

He nods and then looks away, still to the floor but more down the hall. "Can you tell me what happened?" He shakes his head and starts moving his leg left and right, "Is it okay if I sit down with you?"

"Agent Morgan played chess with me today, for a minute I thought that man is gonna outplay me." He recites and Morgan looks at him with confusion on his face.

"Did- did Agent Gideon say that?"

"Did Agent Gideon say that? Yes" The kid answers and looks up to him for the first time, eyeing every inch of him until something else catches his eyes and Morgan sees Hotch approaching them with fast steps before pulling the man in his arms who leaves out a strangled whine,

"Thank god you are okay" Hotch moves out of the hug and cups his face, "I know- I know no touches but I was so worried." He hugs him again, this time the young man presses his hands between them and pushes him off, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"They took Gideon." He speaks with huge eyes, "They took him. They wouldn't let me help."

"It's okay they are gonna take care of him okay?"

"Hotch?" Derek questions sceptical, "Care to explain what is going on?"

"Right, right." A little bit flustered Hotch gets up from the ground, "This is Spencer, Spencer is living with Jason and will work with us in the future. Right?"

"No"

"No?" Hotch questions with a frown, "Why not?"

"Need to write all the tests." He states as he rocks back in forth, "Kid I will make us a cup of coffee and then we can study- Spencer get down- get down-" He yells the last parts while he takes his hand up to his head, hitting it.

"It's okay, it's okay, you are safe. Deep breath." Hotch crouches down in front of him again, "Spencer hey!"

"Where is the painting? Where is the painting? Fuck why are they home? Why are there two? Only the kid was supposed to be here. Stay on the ground. Stay on the ground. Stay on the ground. Stay on the ground."

"Did they say that? Where there more than one?"

"Home" To their surprise he gets up from his seat, his ears still covered as he aims for the hallway before Hotch stops him with one hand around his waist, causing him again to leave out a high pitched noise.

"Where do you wanna go? Tell me"

"Today is the 3rd. Tomorrow is the 4th. Need to study. Today is the 3rd. Last chance. Gideon needs to help me. He was gone all week, now we need to study all of it in one night."

"Then let's drive to my home okay? I'll help you study."

"Fast" Spencer starts walking again while Hotch stays back for a second.

"Call JJ have her pick up Spencer's text books, they already must be on the table if they wanted to get started." Hotch orders.

"You can't be serious? How can he think about a test right now?"

"Better a test than this. Just do it." Hotch looks at him in a way that tells Derek not to ask any more questions and to just do what he just has been told.

"You remember Haley right?" Hotch questions when he unlocks the door to their house, "My wife?"

Timidly Spencer nods and steps into the house, a light shining in the kitchen, "Let's get our shoes off and then see if we can find us a good coffee to get us through the night."

"Books"

"Agent Jareau is going to get your books. It's going to take a few minutes though." Hotch smiles at him apologetic while he gets out of his shoes and places them near the others, "Come on."

He leads him into the kitchen where Haley is already up and preparing something to eat for him and two cups of coffee, "Hey you" With a warm motherly smile she places the cup in front of where Spencer sits down, "It's two sugar, right?"

Offended Spencer frowns at her and shakes his head while Hotch leaves out a chuckle, "She was kidding. You can have as much sugar as you want." She places the sugar next to him, watching him put multiple spoons in, "You are gonna get a heartattck one day."

"Good heart. Past physical." He taps his chest a few times.

"I heard" Hotch sits down next to him, taking a sip himself. "Why don't you go to the bathroom real quick? There is a lot of blood on your face and clothes. I will bring you new ones okay.."

Spencer shakes his head and grips a pen that is lying at the end of the table, "We can start studying when JJ was here? We have enough time that you can take care of yourself first."

"Seven hours and four minutes" He states and looks back at the ceiling.

"Good that you have that brain of yours then."

"No time"

"There is enough time." Hotch takes a warm wet washcloth from Haley and gently touches Spencer's head who immediately leaves out a whine and starts hitting Hotch with his hand, "It's okay, you are okay."

"No time, no time."

"Shh it's okay." He keeps on trying until Spencer forms his hand into a fist and hits him into the side with full force making Hotch grasp for air for a moment,

"Aaron!"

"No time. No time."

"I won't touch you again, I promise." Hotch places the washcloth on the kitchen, "It's okay, I am sorry."

"Only Gideon and Mom."

"I know I am sorry"

"No touching."

"It's okay."

"Only Gideon and Mom."

"I know that's okay. I respect that." Skeptical Spencer sits back down on the chair but keeps his eyes on Hotch and when Haley moves flinches and looks where she is going, "You are not in any danger."

"Want Gideon"

"I know." Slowly Hotch keeps his hands in sight and sits down, "The hospital is gonna call me on this phone if there are any news."

"Morgan?"

"No not Agent Morgan. He was there because I send him." Hesitant Spencer grabs Hotch's phone, "I drove down to Jason's place to see if you are there."

"Drove with Gideon."

"That was okay."

"Blood"

"I can imagine." Hotch has to hold back to not physically comfort him again. "Do you really need to study? Or are you just a little paranoid-"

"No time! Need to study!" He slams his hands down on the table, "Need to study"

"It's okay, it's okay we will study"

"Aaron-" Haley makes a motion for him to follow her out the room but he shakes his head and grabs an old bill from the corner of the table and the pen from Spencer's hands.

"Alright name everything you need to study." It takes some time till JJ gets the books from the crime scene and Hotch finds out that Gideon is right and that Spencer really does get too much anxiety over exams even if he can perfectly do it. So in the morning they are running on no sleep and the third cup of coffee, "Okay Agent Morgan is going to drive you, alright? He is going to wait for you to finish the test and then drive you to the hospital."

"Okay" Concentrated Spencer keeps fiddling with the pen in his hands, "Okay, okay, okay" he mutters while Derek looks at him with worry.

"There is gotta be a way that he can skip the test. Look at him. He hasn't even washed off the blood."

"I tried all night. Just drive him. I told him you will drive off at 7:20 am with him. Don't make it late."

"Okay, okay, okay" Spencer is still muttering under his breath while rereading the same pages for what must be the fifth time and when he climbs into Morgan's truck he starts rocking back and forth.

"Kid?"

"No time."

"Did Hotch give you at least something to eat?" Morgan questions and Spencer nods, "Did you eat it?"

He shakes his head and Derek reaches to the back, grabbing two protein bars and a soda can. "Eat and drink or you brain won't work."

"For me?"

"Yes kid, eat this while we drive."

"Thank you, Sir"

"No problem." They get quite a few stares when they walk into the room like this and Morgan walks up to the Agent supervising the test announcing he will sit in.

"He was not with Agent Gideon was he? I heard what happened." The old man questions while watching Spencer take a seat in the back.

"Kid got lucky but I would feel more comfortable sitting here, have an eye on him."

"No worries he will be done in twenty minutes anyway."

"Twenty?"

"Kid got a brain even Jason Gideon can't compete with." He tells him and offers to get him a stool and Spencer shyly looks up and waves to Derek who shoots him a smile back and when Spencer hands in his test like expected he even gets away with a pat on the shoulder. "You answered everything?"

"Yes, sir"

"Gideon will be proud of you."

"We will see him now right?"

"Yes of course." He looks at the kid a moment longer, "Does Gideon normally come with you to tests?"

"I get really anxious in tests so he does when he can. It was very nice of you to sit in, Sir."

"Of course."

"Do you think when I will start working at the BAU, you will still work there too?"

"I hope so."

"Will we be friends then, Sir?" He questions much to Derek's surprise. It's not something people ask usually but Spencer doesn't seem to mean this in a mocking way.

"That I am betting on." Encouraging he places his hand on Spencer's shoulder again, "Have you met anyone else from the team yet?"

"Only Gideon and Hotch."

"I am sure you will love the rest too."

"I wouldn't really say I love Hotch" Spencer states with a slightly sorry face that makes Derek break out into a chuckle.

"It's okay, you will."

"He is nice"

"And he loves you a lot."

"Really?"

"Really." When Spencer reaches the hospital he is first shy and timidly walking into the room before Gideon opens his arms for him,

"It's good to see you"

"I got through my whole test!"

"That's amazing, kiddo." He hugs him, ignoring the pain, "Hotch hold me you studied together"

"Yes he is a great study partner" Spencer sits down on the bed, "And Derek said we can be friends when I join the team."

"That's amazing." Proudly Gideon smiles at him, "Come here again, lay down." Spencer stripes off his shoes and then curls up against Gideon's healthy side, "I am glad you are okay."

"You too"

[Prompt list]

[olivia200312]

Accident~ RID2015! Optimus x Human! Reader

Plot: Y/N got into an accident in her house.

So, this is a true one-shot. This is NOT a lie. I got into an accident this morning. I woke up normally like every other human but when I wanted to move my head, I felt a massive intense pain at the back of my neck and head area. When I stood up, I felt dizzy. I moved a bit but it got so worse that I wanted to lay back down. But I collapsed and my face made contact with the floor. Luckily not hard but I did get a bloody nose. I felt very hot and was pale. But this all stopped when I laid down and slept a bit. My grandmother called my mom and she arrived s fast she can. The ambulance was called and they took me to the hospital. They checked my health and I was allowed to go. I also bit my lip a little bit hard so it's swollen when I fell. I wear a case around my neck and have to take it easy. This all happened on July 16th.

This continues after You're No Alone and Author! Check them out!

Author: one-shot where I became a self-published author on July 10th.

You're Not Alone: on February 5th, my grandfather passed away.

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Face plate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eye brow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Back plate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

-----------------------------------------------------

The alarm clock went off through Y/N's phone. She groaned and reached to put it off. Just as she wanted to move her head, she felt an intense massive pain at the back of her neck and head area. The pain was so intense and aggressive that it paralyzed Y/N to move. She nearly cried because it was very painful! But she managed to push the tears down. She moved her head very carefully. She then managed to stand up but she felt extremely dizzy and hot. She even was pale! Just as she grabbed her things like her phone, the charger, her wristwatch, and her headphones, it got far worse. She wanted to lay down again. She really tried to reach the bed but then... she collapsed. Her face made contact with the ground. It wasn't luckily hard, but she, either way, felt her nose drip out blood. She bit her lip a little bit hard that it will be sure swollen later. She even felt hot! Due to collapsing, she dropped her stuff, creating noises.

There were fast footsteps heard and the door of her bedroom opened. It was her grandmother. The poor woman looked panicked once she saw her granddaughter laying on the floor. "N/N, are you ok?" She immediately helped her up and made sure that she laid down on the bed.

"I f-feel weak."

The grandmother then saw blood drops on the floor, the carpet. She picked up her granddaughter's stuff that was dropped and laid them on the table. "I'll call your mother and clean the blood. Oh my god..." She immediately left the bedroom to call Y/N's mother and once it was done, she started cleaning to get the blood off. Once it was done, she sat down on Y/N's bed and kept an eye on her.

There were noises heard since Y/N's granny lived in an apartment. There was an elevator. Y/N heard the elevator clearly and it stopped on the floor where Y/N's granny lived. The doors opened and she entered the place. She immediately entered the bedroom. Her eyes widened when she saw her daughter in a weak state. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know. She collapsed on the ground. She has a high temperature."

That's when Y/N heard that her mother will call the ambulance. Oh no... Please no needles! Y/N didn't have enough strength to respond she took small naps until the ambulance arrived. It was two grown-up adult males. They were friendly. At that time, Y/N managed to sit up on her bed, her feet touching the carpet floor. She explained everything to the men while her family watched worriedly. They checked her blood pressure and her temperature. Like this one thing where you put your finger in. Y/N's temperature went down back to normal quite fast and she even stood up! She even moved and she felt no dizziness! Huh, looks like her body took the action quickly. Y/N wanted not to get tested but her mother wanted her to. God... She's an overprotective mother since she's single and loved her child dearly.

Y/N's grandmother helped her granddaughter to actually put her pants on before the ambulance arrived. She carefully stood up while the men made sure that she didn't collapse again. Y/N's mother packed like Y/N's phone, wallet, and the book she published. She had to wait for a few days to finally hold her book in her hands. What's stupid was that she had to pay for her own book instead of getting it for free since she's the author after all. The world was so stupid sometimes...

For the first time in her whole life, she rode in an ambulance car. One man was driving while the other was with Y/N, writing important information of Y/N's mother's card ID. Y/N herself was 17, almost 18. Let's just say that the accident happened on the day when her mother was supposed to come over and hand her daughter the book. It was honestly a very sad day for Y/N... She was excited to hold her book in her hands but look t that... a freaking accident.

The ambulance finally arrived at the hospital and Y/N was checked this time by a nurse. Everything went fine. The doctor came to check on her and Y/N explained everything. The doctor explained that the pain might be caused due to sleeping positions or other reasons. And the attack of dizziness, it could be caused by stress.

"Ever since my father's passing, she had a very hard time accepting that he's not here anymore. I see her constantly trapped with her feelings and emotions. She might have possible autism but it's not sure yet because the tests didn't happen yet. She even confessed that she wanted to commit suicide by taking pills. We are going to a psychiatrist but it doesn't help sometimes." When Y/N looked at her mother, she had a sad and soft look.

The doctor looked shocked by Y/N's mother's story. He couldn't help but feel sad for the teenage girl. She suffered a lot and still does. No one deserved to go through this, especially a kid. He looked to Y/N's mother and told her that it's better to continue to go to a psychiatrist. That's when Y/N was finally letten go with her mother. But however, before they can ride fully home, she heard her mother make an appointment with the doctor for a blood test. Oh, come on!

Later~

Optimus heard the news of what had happened. He got very worried when he heard that Y/N fainted. In his processor, he knew that it could be from the stress. Ever since her grandfather's passing, she never got better. She would cry for days, she didn't eat for 3 days which caused her to feel dizziness and headaches. She nearly landed in the hospital because of this. She started having trouble with her emotions and feelings. Not only that, but 2 months later after Y/N's grandfather's passing, her mother had a discussion with her, and guess what she found out, Y/N's other grandfather passed away on December 23th! Y/N never met her other grandfather before. She never saw him but she did saw how he looked from photos. His death was kept a secret for 2 FREAKING MONTHS! Y/N's father went to live in England with his new 'family'. Y/N's father did everything, especially paying the bills but he found out that his girlfriend had enough money to actually pay the bills! She lied the entire time! Y/N's father quickly broke up with her so he lived alone now. Y/N remembered the day very well when she heard the news that her other grandfather passed away in December. She cried. Yes, she may have never met him but she's sad that she lost someone that she could never meet. She wanted always to meet him! But he mysteriously disappeared after Y/N's parent's wedding day! Y/N had so many questions at that time. Had he ever heard of her? Did he know that he had a granddaughter? And many other questions. Y/N was right to be mad at her family. She was furious for days and there's still anger in her, she just doesn't show it. She rather keeps it hidden.

On the 3rd of July, just as summer vacation began, Y/N traveled to Poland with her mother. Since her grandfather passed away in Poland, both mother and daughter had difficulties traveling. Corona was still out there and the airports were controlling the passengers. You need to have important documents and proof that you are fully vaccinated or negative. Y/N was not vaccinated so she had to the test and let me tell you, it was disgusting! You know, the long thick thin stick in your nose to get the cells? Y/N's mother was also not vaccinated so she had to do the test as well. On the 4th of July; she went to visit her grandfather's grave. It was so painful... Y/N's mother believed that it would ease the pain, but she was so wrong, it didn't ease at all! Y/N wanted badly to talk to her grandfather alone but her two aunts and her mother stood close by. She didn't get privacy at all. She was mad. Y/N refused to eat for hours as well. But eventually, she came to eat when it was time for dinner.

2 days later, she returned back to the cemetery. She was alone this time with her mom. She had one minute of silence with her mother and FINALLY, Y/N got the privacy she needed. She must have at least talked for 1 hour to her grandfather's grave because she spoke a lot. She was thankful that her mom understood her. She said at the end her goodbyes and wanted to hug his grave, but she felt ashamed, shy, and embarrassed so she only touched the cross and cried. She cried the whole time.

At that time, Y/N was fighting was depression for months now. It was not easy due to the loss of a loved one instead of an animal. She missed of course her pet friends she lost, but with people was very different. When you lose someone for the first time, it's so painful. It can take a long time to get over with or part pain will stay forever inside of you. Depression cannot be 'cured' but you can control it with your power. It's not easy and it can be stressful, exhausting, and painful as well. Pain can be felt in your heart. What's one of the most important things to NOT ever do to a depressed person was yelling. It happened to Y/N. Her aunt, or her second mother, who lived in Poland, texted her and asked how she was doing. Y/N responded that she's fine. But she also told also that texted if she doesn't get better because of her possible autism or mental illnesses, then she will not go to work. But what Y/N's second mother send next, made Y/N mad. She responded like she doesn't have mental illnesses and that she needed only more explanation. Seriously? That made Y/N cry! Why was she reacting fast? Why was she quickly angry? Why was she having bad days? Why was she losing interest in her activities sometimes? Why had she dark thoughts? Why would she cry a lot? Why was she having trouble with emotions and feelings? Think about other symptoms. Those were clear signs of depression. According to an American's website where the experts knew everything about the loss of a loved one and what can happen further in the future if you don't get better in like 5-6 months after you lost someone, the chances were high that you had depression but it's important to go to a doctor where it helps you and asked questions. It's important, to tell the truth. once it was done, the doctor will finally give you the diagnoses that you were waiting for what's happening inside of you.

Y/N had to wait sadly. Still waiting. It can take up to almost 1 year or 2 to meet the doctor where the diagnoses can be finally revealed. She had possible autism as well. It was very possible Asperger's Syndrome. It's autism where people have difficulties communicating with other people but also having trouble understanding. The person can talk very well but sometimes can be quiet as a mouse too. People who have it were very unique. They even don't like to be touched all the time and don't like to make eye contact. Y/N's grandmother was the first one to notice the symptoms and told her daughter, Y/N's mother, to bring her to the doctor but Y/N's mother didn't notice anything until finally years later when her father passed away. So, they're on the waiting list. I mean, they had to be.

But anyway, Y/N's mother caught her daughter crying after she was done chatting with her second mother. Sometimes, Y/N doesn't want to talk about why she's crying but she's sometimes being pushed a little bit too hard which was not smart at all. When Y/N explained why, let's just say that later, Y/N's own mother, started to yell at her. Yes, Y/N had been fighting for months but seriously? Y/N wanted to scream and fight back but she couldn't! But when the fight was finally done, Y/N's heart was full of pain and felt hopeless as well. Y/N's mother should have never yelled at her! The results will be only crying! Sometimes, it can give results of an attack or worse...

Later~

Y/N walked carefully while not wearing a cervical collar around her neck. The doctor said that she didn't have to wear it all the time and recommended to at least sometimes move carefully her neck. Y/N felt pain sometimes but it's healing. She couldn't laugh hard, not yawn widely, etc. It was so annoying! She still couldn't forget her mother's yelling inside her head and those memories will probably haunt her. She already got her first corona vaccine and tomorrow, she needed to take a blood test because ever since the accident, her health was getting suspicious. Y/N decided to confront her mother at the doctor tomorrow and teach her a lesson that yelling at a depressed person was not smart at all. Now that she's a self-published author, she's busy writing about her life to inspire and teach others. Her mother needed to learn too.

"Sweetspark, when I heard about your accident, I was very worried," Optimus said, who randomly appeared behind her.

Y/N turned around fully to let her neck heal. "I am fine now. Just giving my neck time to heal. Sorry about worrying you..." She felt ashamed.

Optimus wrapped her arms around her waist, causing her to relax and lean gently against him. "Please remember that you're not alone, sweetspark. We all are here to help you. What your carrier did was not smart but I am proud of you that you'll confront her about it."

Y/N only hummed and couldn't help but smile when she felt him leaving soft kisses where she felt pain at her neck and head area. She giggled and Optimus smiled.

P.S. when Y/N became an author, only her second ex, her family, and her followers on Wattpad congratulated her. None of her friends did. Do you consider this disrespectful rude or heartless?

Yes, readers. Every detail left there is all the truth, including the yelling as well. I got the first shot of the corona vaccine and I feel still small pain but it's not bad luckily like the HPV vaccine I got once. So painfully... But my mother feared that soon the entire country will force everyone to get vaccinated, except kids under 12. Sorry to disappoint you all about the shot... The part at the end of my friends not congratulating me is also the truth :(. Darn blood test tomorrow! I have a phobia of needles...

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

Can I Have This Dance? (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Rating: PG - Fluffy 

Word Count: 2,689

Synopsis: 4 times the reader asked Steve to dance with her and one time Steve her.

Info: Written for @cockslut-padalecki​’s Not My Ninth Challenge in celebration of 9k followers! Also Happy Belated birthday, I hope you had a great one. I choose, How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes and Wedding Ceremony. The dividers are by @firefly-graphics​ 💘 I’m posting this on my barley working laptop, so forgive me. Also all mistakes are mine as this is not beta read.

1st Time:

Honestly what possessed her to wear her favorite white denim overall shorts to Sam’s barbecue? They were now stained with all all kinds of food and handprints from the children of the Avengers children asking to be held by her. Admittedly seeing everyone so happy and spending the afternoon with her fiancé made it worth it. Also Natasha would probably be able to show her how to get the stains out.

“Want to queue up the next song?” Sam nudged her handing over his phone that was connected to speakers. Giddily Y/N took the phone and went through the approved barbecue playlist as Killer Queen started to play, she continued to scroll as her head bopped to the song. Finding the perfect one she handed the phone over to Sam’s significant other Lou who kissed her on the cheek. 

Bucky and Steve were sharing a phone screen laughing at whatever video it was they were watching, probably one of Alpine that Bucky had taken. Getting up from her chair Y/N stood beside Steve’s and brushed her right hand across his broad shoulders, goosebumps started to rise on his skin as she leaned in to brush her lips beside his ear. 

“Come dance with me, Stevie please?" the blonde's face blushed as his fiance turned away from him making her way back towards the dancing couples. “Punk if you don't I sure as hell will.” Steve turned to give his best friend a glare just as the baritone voice sang out, jumping to his feet.

“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the earth.” Steve rushed to Y/N’s side, a small smile on her face her fiance placed his face at her time taking in the scent of lavender and mint, while his hands rested at her hips. Y/N’s arms circled his neck interlocking her hands, eyes closing she placed her heads against his chest over his heart. As Hozier sang the couple just swayed from side to side, loving each other.

“I could not ask you where you came from. I could not ask and neither could you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.” As the song came to an end Steve and Y/N’s eyes met, she was biting her lip, a look of worry was in her eyes. 

“What?” Looking placed his hands on Y/N’s face doing everything he could to ease the worry in his fiancés face. 

“Just, how would I live without you?” Steve scoffed and pulled Y/N into his arms, hugging her close, “You’ll never have to live without me, I’m going anywhere. I love you.”

2nd Time:

“Well son her mother would have loved you and I’m so proud to have you joining our family.” Andy clapped his daughters fiancé on the shoulder, before looking out on the dance floor to see all four of his children dancing together to the Macarena having a good time. 

“I’m lucky to have her Andy and I love both her and this family.” Steve assured Y/N’s father how much he loved her as the song came to an end. The DJ for the reception started to walk towards Y/N’s  sister and her husband. 

Y/N stood between her brothers playfully nudging each other like they used to do as kids. Suddenly it was quiet in the reception hall, both her and Steve were looking at Y/N’s sister and her husband who smiled at everyone, but they were staring at Y/N. 

“I need my sister Y/N and her fiancé Steve to come up here for a second.” Y/N’s brothers pushed her forward, suddenly glad she had exchanged her heels for converse 4 or 5 songs back. Steve and she met halfway there, hands grasping at each other as their fingers intertwined. The blonde leaned over and kissed the crown of his fiancé's face making her blush as they reached Legacie and Michael. 

“This weekend was actually supposed to be the weekend that Y/N and Steve got married, but 6 months ago I came to my sister and told her I was pregnant. Y/N knew Michael and I would want to move our wedding up, Y/N and Steve immediately asked if I would like to take their wedding and for that we are so thankful. The thing about my sister is she is just like our mom, always giving and so loving, it makes so much sense why Steve fell in love with my little sister. I got to thinking a way to thank you and that is dedicating a song to you, your favorite song as a kid.” Legacie passed the microphone back to the DJ, before she reached over kissing her little on the cheek. Y/N looked at her sister before her jaw dropped and her cheeks turned pink as the keyboard of the popular ’90s Australian pop singer hit started to play. 

“I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need.” Y/N still holding onto Steve’s hand turned to stand in front of him and looked up at him. 

“Will you dance with my love?” with a smile on his face, Steve didn't even verbalize his answer, he just gave a tug of her hand pulling her body closer to his, as other couples joined them on the dance floor.

“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me. I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea.I want to live like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.” As they continued to dance among Legacie and Michale's family and friends, he tried to imagine how he would live without her in his life. He had an answer before the song was even over he knew a life without Y/N was no life at all. 

3rd Time:

She was trying really hard not to cry but it felt but it was 3:12 in the morning, it was raining, it looked like Bucky had finished off the rest of her Ben and Jerry Star Spangled Berry Swirl, and Friday was playing her I got the blues playlist. Boy did she have the blues, she shouldn’t though, it was November, the holiday season was in full swing, but it was as if her heart wasn’t in it. 

Then the piano kicked in and the tears really started. 

“Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.”

Steve down the hall in bed they shared hearing sniffles of his fiancé, got out of bed, grabbing her cardigan from ottoman at the foot of the bed. Y/N stood at the kitchen island sipping a cup of hot tea as Bryan Adams sang. 

“Darling?” Steve came up behind her and placed the over side article of clothing over shoulder, kissing her temple. Setting the steaming cup of lavender and blueberries down, Y/N turned around to look him in the eyes, with tears still coming down. 

“Dance with me Stevie, please?” with a little lift of the right side of his lips. Steve pulled Y/N to him, placing her head over his heartbeat, he encased her his arms and started to sway them. 

“Don't tell me, it’s not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there’s  nothin' I want more. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”

“I can’t live without you Stevie.” Y/N whispered into the night as she looked out at the rain coming down in the night. 

“And you won't have to," Steve promised. 

4th Time:

It was finally the New Year, 12:01 on January 1st to be exact and everyone was partying at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, thanks to Pepper and Tony. Peter Quill and his friends had made it, Thor with Jane, Carol Danver, Monica Rambeau with her friends Jimmy Woo and Darcy, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker had brought his best friend Ned and girl friend MJ, all the Avengers were there, even the Wakanda gang was accounted for, the place was packed. It seemed as if the bad guys were in need of a day off. 

Steve stood a few feet away from Y/N who was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Shuri, Peter, MJ, Wanda, Scott, Johnny, Groot, Darcy, Sam, Lou, and Jimmy Woo, they were all dancing to thank u, next, laughing and having a good time. Lou was currently on Sam's shoulders making the Bucky who was beside Steve, hoot’d, as he took a shot from the Asgardian mead. It was great for Steve to see all his friends and family to be letting loose. 

Y/N walked over as the song came to a closure and pulled Steve in for a kiss earning a cheer from the group they had surrounded themselves with. Blushing they pulled apart as the familiar violin started to play across the room, making the room erupt cheers yet again. Tonight’s crowd was easily pleased, who knew all it took was alcohol, food, friends, and good music? 

As the drum kicked in, Y/N’s head started to bop her foot tapping along, grabbing Steve’s hand she started to pull him towards the group, grabbing Bucky’s hand along the way. 

“Steve can I have this dance?” Looking over her shoulder as she got ready to start jumping up and down, Steve looked at her as if he had to think on it, but stopped when Bucky hit him in the bicep. “Not with the metal arm, and yes!”

“Come on Eileen! Oh, I swear, what he means. At this moment you mean everything, you in that dress. My thoughts I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on Eileen.” The group's form of dancing was jumping up and dancing, moving their heads side to side, throwing in mixed moves, like the sprinkler or epaule here and there. It was just about letting go. Steve and Y/N danced together with the fingers of their left-right hands interlaced jumping up and down, throwing their heads back and forth like they were at a rock concert. 

As Bucky danced with his best friend and the girl that had become like a sister to him, he couldn't picture their lives without one another. There was no Steve without Y/N in it, no Y/N without Steve. They were so madly, deeply in love, that to lose the other it would be close to losing themselves. He vowed at that moment to do whatever it took to always bring Steve home and to always protect Y/N for him. 

The 1 Time Steve Asked Y/N to Dance:

“This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for!” Bucky raised his glass of bourbon to the crowded room, before he leaned down to place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek. He had just given his best man speech congratulating his best friend on finding his soulmate who made him happy, and on his retirement. Lou leaned forward putting their arms around Y/N’s shoulders swaying, making the bride laugh as the best friends hugged. 

Steve took the microphone from Sam and pulled Y/N away from her best friend, confused she looked up at him. The room was silent with all eyes on them, as it had been since the moment she stepped out onto the wooden boardwalk Pepper’s people had built leading to the dock, everyone’s eyes had been on them. 

“Through this whole wedding process my wife has been so incredibly patient with me. Originally I just said whatever you want Y/N it’s your day, but she would scrunch her face up, for her family they know what I’m talking about, the one where she doesn’t like something or doesn’t understand, anyways. Lou, Y/N’s best friend and the perfect person for Sam came to me said,

“Rogers for a superhero, you are pretty dense, the wedding day is both your big day. This is a day you both are going to look back on, tell your children about and share with your family and friends. Don’t make her plan it and make all the choices on her own.” Steve looked down at Y/N and smiled, as his wife laughed and gave her best friends hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. 

“So I did what I could, your napkins I chose, thank you very much, your centerpieces though, you are going to have to take that up with the my beautiful wife’s cousin, Willow, she handmaid these beautiful pieces for us, so we could reuse them in our winery and barn.” Willow blew the couple a kiss making the crowd laugh as Y/N caught it and stumbled back, before throwing one back just as extravagantly. 

“Anyways the reason I’m up here is because I really didn’t do that much, but I made a promise to my wife that I, the man out of time, could pick the song we dance to as a married couple.” Turning his body so now the newlyweds were now facing each other, Sam took the microphone holding it up to Steve's mouth, as Steve held both Y/N’s hands in his.

“Steve we’ve talked about this you’re right where you need to be.” Steve just nodded his head and kissed her on the lips getting a few people in the crowd cheering. Bucky, Sam, Lou, and Y/N’s siblings are motioned for the crowd to quiet down. 

“I admit I waited till last night to e-mail our DJ Ned and tell him our song. But to be fair if it hadn’t been for a talk I had while sleeping at Sam’s and him playing this song we probably would just have some random song. Thank you Sam for saving the day.” Sam pulled the microphone telling the couple it was no problem really. 

“With that all said and done, Mrs. Rogers can I have this dance?” Laughing Y/N nodded as they made their way around the tables holding hands waving to their family and friends. Ned Leeds, was the nights DJ, thanks to coming recommended by his friend Peter Parker, this was his hobby by a means to pay for college and his growing obsession of Star Wars Legos. As soon as the couple had made it to the center of the faux hardwood dance floor, he hit play.

“How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”

Y/N let a gasp slip past her lips as the familiar country song played. Her arms held onto Steve’s shoulders, while he held onto her hips, they did their usual sway, there was no need for fancy footing or putting on a show. This was just them being them, in love, sharing that love with a room full of their closest family friends. 

“I promised you, you wouldn’t have to know what it was like to live without me, and you won’t either of you.” Y/N looked up at him placing a kiss on his soft lips, letting a few tears of happiness slip. This is what contentment felt like, to feel whole, be loved, and find that perfect person. 

“How do I live without you? How do I live without you, baby? How do I live?”

[specsforwoo]

Son of Bia | Demigod!Nakamoto Yuta

Parent Deity: Bia (Goddess of Power, Anger, and Raw Energy)

Allegiance: Zeus

“My power is no fucking illusion.”

Easily Yuta’s favorite quote

He has been in and out of different martial arts programs since he was able to stand

Everything from Judo to Aikido

He’s done it

Right now he is currently working on boxing because he got to see Daigo Higa live (at one of his KOs) and he instantly fell in love with the art

So Yuta is one of the few kids to have known that he was a demigod since he was really young

The only others are Jaemin and Jisung

His dad was a martial artist and he had grown up in and out of gyms since he was 3 years old

And his mom was actually around until he was about 15

So from about 5 years old on, he was aware that he had a goddess as a mother

His parents never tried to hide it from him

But he wasn’t claimed until he was 15

It’s a long story

To shorten it up

His mother was forced to return to Olympus to carry out orders given by Zeus

But like a week later he had this huge aikido competition

And boy was just in a slump

Like he almost got KO’ed with a kick to the head

Which NEVER happens

It hurt his pride

As a martial artist and as his mother’s son

His father was with him, telling him his mother was looking down and cheering him on

But Yuta just couldn’t feel it

But this warmth of home just surrounded him

And in the metal of the locker door, he caught sight of a shimmering chain and feather above his head

His father gave him a huge smile

And he could feel his mother with him again

That last match of the day was the best he has ever performed

So

Yes, he has been aware of his godly heritage for a long time

But he had never been to camp before

But once you are claimed your scent becomes like 20x stronger

So at the age of 19 his parents decided to send him to the camp for the summer

Yuta was realllllyyyyy against this

His whole argument was

I’ve known who I was for so long, why the hell are you making me go to some group therapy session 14 years later.

His mind changed the 3rd day at camp

Okay the first day he was just in a pissy mood and almost punched the Camp Medic but that almost got him into a brawl with some son of Zelus, who just happened to be his cousin

The second day he was still in a pissy mood but now he also had a black eye so he was even more grouchy

But the third day was life changing

Some Ares kid who was like 12 years old ran up to him and begged him to come join him and his cabin in the training rink

And Yuta followed because, an octagon? Hell yes

The Ares camp leader agreed to work on some aikido moves with the kids and Yuta agreed to be his opponent

He suddenly remembered why he loved martial arts

And why he loved his parents

So soon he made up with Sicheng and actually became really close to that Zelus kid, Xuxi

And after that he was considered the best fighter in camp

He had led a few missions, once accompanied by Xuxi’s girlfriend and they almost got into another brawl but it’s cool. Xuxi is just overprotective

He was also co-captain for the Ares house during competitions

So after his 4th year back at camp

This time he started up a makeshift boxing gym in the training facility and was helping some of the more academically inclined demigods train

And by academically inclined he means nerds but Taeyong yelled at him for that so

You just happened to be one of those academically inclined individuals

But you weren’t horrible in the athletic department either

As a daughter of Hermes you were quite mischievous

Which meant you needed to know how to get out of tight situations fast

So your stamina was incredible

But as for strength

You were screwed if you had to put up a fight for some reason

So you decided to seek help in Yuta

The lessons that the camp allowed him to teach weren’t as rigorous as he would like to be

But at the same time he was so amazed at how many people were actually interested in the sport that he loved so much

So you were basically the quiet girl in the back of the room unless one of your friends was in the class with you

Then you became the life of the party

But Yuta honestly wanted to see you be the life of the party all the time

Like you made classes so much more brighter

And he was learning that with a little bit more practice you could have quite the heavy hand on you

To say you didn’t admire Yuta would be a lie

A HUGE lie

As Jisung (a young camper you had taken under your wing) would say it

“You are so whipped.”

Like whipped to the point that

You would go to the gym more often to workout and watch him work out

Stop your half-siblings from pulling dangerous pranks on the Bia cabin

Work with Sicheng and Xuxi more, along with Jaehyun

And Yuta was doing the exact same thing

Silently moving closer to you in the gym while he was working out

Hanging out with the Hermes kids more in attempts to pull pranks on other houses

Hanging out in the med center and courtyard more often

Honestly Sicheng was at another screaming point that if the two of you didn’t kiss soon he was going to force it.

Thankfully Jaehyun already had that under control

Today was one of your off days from helping Sicheng in the Med Center but you were also really close with his girlfriend so you offered to help while you were waiting for her to finish up

Yuta on the other hand was outside the camp in a taekwondo tournament with Jaehyun for ‘moral support’ (someone to help his beat ass home)

He won but he had multiple lacerations on his face and what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder

Hobbling in with the help of Jaehyun was no surprise to Sicheng or his girlfriend, who both just put down whatever they were doing and Sicheng gliding across the floor on his wheely chair (Sicheng loves his wheely chair) while she just went to work gathering saline solution, gauze and other things

But for you

This was a BIG surprise

Sure you were used to seeing Yuta with the constant bandage on his jaw and gauze around his ankle or wrist

But this was the first time that you had seen what had come before the clean up

It was actually something Yuta tried to hide from you

He didn’t want to make you feel like he led a violent life, it was just that as the type of athlete he was, he just had to roll with the punches… and kicks… and slams

And you were just there standing in the middle of the Med Center with your jaw tight to stop from tears welling while Sicheng and everyone else acted like this was a normal day’s occurrence

You were also used to seeing the constant smirk or resting bitch face plastered across his stoic features

But he was wincing every time his shoulder moved and looked ready to yell at Sicheng for pouring Saline into a cut

Yet when he looked up at you

He gave a small smile

Something about that brought you back to reality

You rushed over and began examining his shoulder, and relocated after making sure his collarbone wasn’t broken or anything

After Sicheng finished he called his girlfriend over and they walked out with Jaehyun following close behind

You weren’t supposed to see that.

The statement caught you off guard.

Why?

I don’t want you to see the pain I deal with and to think I live a violent life because of it.

His head dropped just low enough for his overgrown bangs to hide the expression melting onto his features

I don’t think you live a violent life.

You don’t?

I think you live your life to the fullest, I think you go after what your heart desires, I think you want to push your mind and body to their very limits. I don’t think that’s violent.

For some reason after that conversion you two just knew that you were together

It was very unspoken but it was there

He still hated you show you his wounds

But he begged you to show him yours

He still acted shy in the gym

But smiled a million times brighter when you were in the ring with him

He lived for the moments of adrenaline rush inside an octagon

But prayed for the moments he stepped out the ring and into your arms

He was still the same old Yuta

He was still constantly fighting

He was still constantly on missions

He was still everything that you fell in love with

But there was something different

He wanted to show you off to everyone

He made you meet his parents (mortal and deity – at the same dinner table)

He wanted to talk about apartments and universities

He was in for the long haul

Like one night you had snuck into the Bia cabin since Hermes had just gotten 3 new campers who couldn’t sleep

And you were sitting on opposite sides of the bed, legs tangled together just talking

He was in his oversized white t-shirt and cookie monster pajama shorts

You were in a jacket of his and leggings

And it felt right to him

Gods he would never admit it to anyone else

But he found the piece of him that was missing when his mother had to leave

He just blurted it out

25379 Songjam-ro gil, Seongbuk-dong, Seoul

What?

It’s an apartment, it’s really nice, really close to camp, close to campus, big enough, I placed first year’s rent yesterday.

OH MY GODS YUTA DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY?

I’ve been saving for a while.

What are you even going to do with it?

I got it for the both of us. We’ve been talking about moving in together and I don’t see why we can’t now. I really want this.

He seemed so excited telling you about it

How could you say no?

Everyone gets together for a small house warming party and it’s a disaster

Sicheng is drunk screaming about how it fucking took long enough

Mark is crying in the corner because his hyung is leaving him

Taeyong his about to pull his hair out

Doyoung is force feeding Jaehyun wine???

Taeil is trying to make Mark stop crying

Johnny and Ten are dancing on your new couch

But Yuta and you are in your own world

And everything just feels right…

[rainbow-fairylandsystem]

man, what a fucking week, and its only wednesday.

to start it all off, my wonderful brain rewarded me with a new traumatic memory while my therapist is out on a personal emergency for an undeterminable amount of time. that memory triggered an uptick in my low back pain, which is the pain that really affects my ability to sit/stand/walk, but i can’t afford to take any more days off of either of my jobs.

my dad and mom are both pushing me to get a 3rd job (4th job if you count my freelance commissions as a job), which i have neither the time or physical/mental capacity for. they’re both telling me that i need to ‘move forward in my career’, despite the fact that i only graduated college 6 months ago, and just got teacher of the month at my studio job.

they also want me to spend less money, which is impossible considering that 2/3 of my money goes to house bills and medical expenses, because being disabled is fucking expensive. the rest of it goes to groceries, public transportation, and a swim club membership (which they told me to get so i would start exercising). i never spend money on things i want, unless i’m feeling devious and spend $40 on a trip to goodwill maybe once a month.

my mom also needs a hip replacement and is starting to really lose her memory, and she wants me to move back home with her, despite the fact that i’ve really carved out a life for myself in seattle. my father, as always, barely acknowledges my existence unless he i’ve done something wrong or he’s making fun of me.

our landlords are being fucking difficult about a tree in our yard that is fully dying and infested with beetles (part of it fell and already punched a hole in our deck). they’re trying to get us to pay $2800 to remove it, despite the fact that it was here well before we moved in, and we’re renters, so its not even our property. the guy they hired to remove it says that it poses a major safety concern to our house and all the houses around us, but our landlords are STILL being difficult.

i have a breast reduction surgery coming up in early january to try and relieve some of my daily pain, and our insurance is covering a sum total of $0. my parents are paying $12,600 out of pocket to have it done, which just adds to the amount of dollars that my dad gets to hold over my head when we argue.

one of my roommates is in a relationship with a boy i really hate, but that isn’t new. this roommate is one of my best friends but refuses to take care of their own health and keeps dating boys that treat them like shit. i can’t even find it in myself to be mad about it anymore, i just want to move out and not have to watch it happen. i’m starting to reach my limit as a friend

and to top it all off, i have NO IDEA where i’m going to find the money to buy my family christmas presents this year. i’ll probably have to take it out of my savings, which is supposed to be reserved for grad school (which i probably will never end up going to anyway).

anyway. drop me a like if you made it this far, i don’t think anyone even checks my blogs anymore. it’s probably better that way.

[hello-yue-here]

📓

THANK YOU

okay first up on the list: sukka

bear with me this is all just the background info because this is a fic i started MONTHS ago but gave up on. its a five n one fic but heres all the relevant background info:

suki and sokka met their freshman year of highschool. suki was an annoying know it all of a freshman (hello im projecting onto suki here) and hahn was the sexist jerk who say behind her. sokka was hahns best friend and followed him around like a little puppy. suki knew that sokka was just repeating everything hahn told him ab women but sokka took it and ran with it to look cool for his friends.

naturally, suki and sokka do not get along. suki constantly calls out hahn for his bullshit, sokka defends him, and sokka and suki get into fights while hahn sits back and watches. its even worse because suki and sokka see each other everywhere. student council. musical rehearsal. his hockey practice is right across the street from her job. they are on the same coed soccer and track teams. they have the same classes. they literally are always around each other.

sophomore year comes around and sokkas no longer friends with hahn. partly because his arguments w suki got him to realize he was being sexist. partly because hahns a dick. partly because hahn tried hitting on his girlfriend yue.

sokka apologizes to suki for freshman year and suki is like its fine i got too heated sometimes too and sokka was like well yeah if i were you id wanna rip my head off too dont apologize. suki and sokka are kinda sorta friends now.

junior year yue moves away and sokka is really upset about it. they broke up because they felt they were too young for long distance but it still hurt. suki along with the rest of sokkas friends (sup gaang) are there for him. suki and sokka are friends but they still arent super close yet.

OKAY NOW ONTO THE FIC ITSELF (im so sorry for long posting but i love sukka)

5&1

5 times sokka drove suki home and one time suki drove him

1st ride: sokka offers to drive suki home from a club meeting after overhearing her talking to toph about how her cars in the shop and her mom cant get her until an hour after the meeting ends. she accepts and they drive together. theyve hung out before in group hangs n stuff but theyve never rlly been just the two of them. its nice. sokkas a fast talker and gets very animated and invested in their conversations. they dont wanna stop talking so they just keep driving around town, never too far away from sukis house, for an hour before finally dropping her off.

2nd ride: similar story as before. suki needs a ride home and sokka offers. theyre convo is still very fun and interesting but a lot of the trip this time is actually them just singing songs in the car together and just jamming out. sokka tells suki that her voice is rlly good. suki never heard sokka sing before because he only did tech for shows, but hes not half bad himself. will suki start imagining singing duet with him after this ride? no absolutely not. will sokka? yes absolutely. (jk they both think ab it sukis just in denial)

3rd ride: at this point suki has stopped driving her own car to school and instead has her mom drop her off. her mom doesnt mind, she likes getting to talk to her daughter in the morning (and she knows damn well shes got a crush on that boy who drives her home) and sokka just asks her if she needs a ride, he doesnt wait for her to ask him first anymore. this talk is fun but more serious. sokka keeps asking about suki and her identity as bisexual. suki thinks hes gonna be weird about it but then during a lul in conversation he admits that he thinks hes bi too. lots of comfort. yes ik im projecting onto suki in this fic but this car ride wouldve been MAJOR projecting onto sokka time ayoooo.

4th ride: suki is at a party and hahn is there and sokka isnt and suki is getting pissed off by hahn and wants to leave but she cant drive herself home. she calls sokka and he comes to get her even though its way too late. shes a little drunk still and tells sokka ab hahn being a dick. sokka wants to turn around and “talk to him” but suki is like shut up sokka youd lose that fight and sokka laughs and says not with u by my side to back me up. suki doesnt know if shes drunk or something still but sokka looks really good under the light of the streetlamps they drive past.

5th ride: suki has taken it upon herself to refer to sokka as her chauffeur since he drives her everywhere now. he rolls his eyes and grumbles about it but he always assures her that he doesnt care and that he likes their car rides together. its towards the end of the year and prom is coming up and neither of them have a date. sokka hatches the perfect plan and instead of walking with suki to his car from the school, he tells her to meet him there instead because he has to talk yo a teacher abouy something (lies he got out of class early cuz mr piandao is the goat and sokka needs to set up). when suki gets to his car hes got a whole promposal set up and is holding a sign that says “i know im an excellent driver, but lets get a real chauffeur for once. prom?” and of course she says yes.

+1

suki didnt want a chauffeur for prom. instead she offered to drive the two of them there instead. sokka keeps making jokes about how hes terrified to be in a car with her because of how much katara has complained about sukis driving (i drive fast so suki drives fast deal with it) theyre on their way back from a prom after party and suki is taking sokka home. its quiet and peaceful but sokka wont stop staring at her. “what” she asks “nothing. youre just... really.. pretty. i guess.” hes so awkward. poor kid is so flustered but suki likes it. “yeah ur not to bad urself” “i really like you suki” “i like me too” “im serious” “i know sokka” “so what do you think?” she can see hes nervous now “i thought you were supposed to be smart. im surprised you didnt notice how much u like you too.” “wait really?” his eyes light up “of course dumby. i literally stopped driving to school as an excuse to hang out with you more” smoocie smoocie ensues.

badda bing badda boom: sukka fic.

[softboyscully]

Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share

public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right

so ill just go by the grades i guess

Kindergarten, first year

i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit

we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair

i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime

SPEAKING of naptime

i never slept during it

once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe

i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose

sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”

i put it up my fucking nose

try to get it out, just push it farther in

im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts

go up to my teacher

“you’re supposed to be asleep!”

“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”

teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge

just. sends me back to my mat

that was it

the art room was tiny

like re-purposed broom closet tiny

there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced

there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread

someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something

we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class

Kindergarten, second year

i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination

but seriously they were horrible

we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark

me and sarah attained a new friend, john

honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away

i have two vivid memories

one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze

they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down

the other is  john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up

it was funny, so he did it again

and again

me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives

after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”

one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie

most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards

my mother was horrified

ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability 

1st grade

this is when i moved

beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me

nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool

thing is i was a little shit

told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)

all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)

had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story

2nd grade

i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit

like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us

never actually taught us stuff???

middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.

“what do you mean?”

“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”

“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”

“sure, i could try that.”

“o....kay”

he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)

like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????

there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived

funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me

something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas

also we had fish

every day someone else was in charge of feeding them

one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top

i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”

everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”

we held a funeral

the cause of death is still undetermined

3rd grade

this year just draws a blank for me

all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock

also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here

4th grade

i had two teachers this year

one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch

made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized

i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average

instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating. 

she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl

this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once

she sucked, Ms. S

5th grade

this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do

but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++

he legitimately taught me math

we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes

the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles

at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming

also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)

she was kind of crazy

she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked

once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)

Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons

also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:

someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest

a guy named Makenzie won

remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation

we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine

like how the fuck did any of those things get there

and where’s the fourth sock

b o t t l e f l i p p i n g

but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria

my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes

one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video

four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive

like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone

and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit

no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee

me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences

“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”

“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”

“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”

“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”

“RIGHT”  

also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”

[rustandyearnings]

How This Ends

Loan Tran

Two weeks into quarantine I read an article in The Atlantic titled, “How the Pandemic Will End.” It still felt wildly early to make any predictions about the future and the course of the virus. It has been now over a year that I have been trying to write a response to what I read, not because of any substantial disagreement but I foresaw then what I know now to be true, that after nearly a year of pandemic life: none of this simply ends. 

There are no numbers and statistics, CDC guidelines, or even well thought out epidemiological reports that captures the depth of what it means that over 2.75 million people have died from COVID-19; over half a million of them alone in the U.S. We have witnessed a year that has made everything that was terrible before, much, much worse. And we know how we got here—especially being in the belly of the beast— we know all too well what regimes of power are capable of in their commitment to greed and profit. If you are like me or if you love people like me, you may know too that the world has come to an end many times before. What is different about this ending? If anything? 

It was mid-March. My partner and I were on our way to the beach for her birthday. During our drive, we got news that the airports were starting to shut down and we were uncertain of the rumors about the National Guard being deployed to ensure compliance with stay-at-home orders. The beach was still there, and still sweet as always. We celebrated her the way we love each other; we ate delicious food, we laughed. She made her family’s shrimp: Lee Adam’s Shrimp. Which is comical, she says, because this was the only dish he would ever cook, and he got it named after him. Meanwhile, the family functioned because of women who made everything else possible. Such is our lives. 

The Atlantic Ocean on the coast of North Carolina in mid-March is wind-swept, vast, very quiet. The sand becomes these large mountains to be trekked over before the water meets your eyeline. But once you see it, you know exactly where the ocean departs the sky. It was terribly cold. Yet, I was grateful to be by the water as our world began to shake us into conference calls and organizing meetings. Within just a few short hours of our Governor declaring lock down, we had formed the United for Survival and Beyond coalition. And knowing the year we were going to have and coming out of years of pavement pounding work, we were already exhausted. Deeper than the exhaustion is the truth that we must stick together, and we must find a way to continue on, especially now, with the cards so clear on the table: some of us will live and some of us will die. And there will be no logic to the madness.

The political work is instinctual to me; it makes sense in any crisis to bring together as many people as possible to understand a situation and to then take action. But the political work is also sometimes slow moving, even when we are all speeding and incredibly busy. So, I did other work that I felt, by my own standards, was more tangible. Like organizing a group chat of the queers I know who need medication on a regular basis. Or joining the local Mutual Aid Groups (and then promptly leaving all of the groups, which was simply a matter of exiting the Signal threads). Making a phone tree that was unreasonably the size of a phone book itself was an early action, too. And of course, cooking. There have been gallons upon gallons of pho. And gumbo. And at least 1,000 meatballs. Anything to attempt at satiating what I knew would become a growing hunger inside of me for a normalcy that still has not yet returned.

Things were deteriorating quickly all around me. By March’s end, my mom and I are on hold with her retirement company. She wants to get her money out of her account before the stock market steals it all away. This economic system routinely comes tumbling down for her; and often does it too line the pockets of the already ultra-wealthy. She has earned her retirement from working at the same alterations shop for over 20 years. She is paid for the time it takes to hand sew sequins onto wedding gowns that cost more than her year’s entire salary. She makes the inseam of your boutique jeans go from 32” to 30” with you never knowing the difference. She helps make people feel good, never questioning their own frivolousness in paying someone else to replace a missing button on their jacket. Her job has treated her well. This pandemic was beginning to test it as she’s filed for unemployment, without assistance from her bosses. The alliances that had shaped her life up until this point were beginning to fall apart, as is the case for so many of us. 

It would become easier in the summer, but even then, the sweaty walks and the sitting outside in the beating sun just to eat a meal with someone who I wasn’t also sleeping with most nights began to tire me. I was unsatisfiable. I am lucky to have eaten many good meals, celebrate even more pandemic birthdays, and have extra money to keep supporting my parents’ and sister’s bills in between our socially distanced visits. Things would seem relatively calm for some weeks, when I felt like the weather wasn’t badgering on me. Which is to also say, that when things felt turbulent, it really just meant I was incredibly sad. 

As I’ve been writing this piece in my mind, mulling over—as I usually do—which details feel relevant enough to evidence in words, the world around us has danced to the precipice of something new and back again. In between it all, I have had some of the most elaborate dreams of my life, the dreams at the heart of how I wish life could be. 

I am home in Viet Nam. The sky is a dreamy pink, small stripes of orange and some residual blue as the sun sets and the moon takes over. I am sitting by the water and before me stretches a few miles of the bay. On the other side, mountains: spotted gray from granite and green from trees. I think to myself, “this is beautiful” and I take out my phone so I don’t forget what this looks like. My mom is here with me and it is quiet and perfect. Standing in line waiting to buy coffee from a street vendor, I think to myself, “wow, I get to be here,”; there are children and their parents who look my kin weaving around my stillness on the side of the road. I smile at someone I clock to be like me: a little odd, short haired, sweet looking in the face, stern and tough but kind in spirit. Then I wake up. It’s a dream. And all I know is that it’s a beautiful, perfect dream. 

While time stretched and I could dream and I could travel in my mind, buoyed by my memories, telling stories that after the 3rd or 4th re-telling feels almost untrue, time also pulled me back to reality. To the everyday where I had few answers for the big question of: what now? 

So what of time now? What is its worth? And what is worth it? I wear a watch every day still and I check my calendar still. And I still want Fridays to feel how Fridays are supposed to feel, still: they should release me. I still want to wake up slow on a Sunday, my favorite day, still. Things feel numbered and open all at once. Do I measure the worth of my life in this way or that? Do I consider tragedy to be where we start or is it having a witness to it that makes the clock run? Do I count the pints of soup I have made? What about the distance between us? There have been more cardinals than usual, but I’m really not counting. I do miss the children in the streets and the laughter beaming from their hands. Making sense of quiet and calling this place, my ever-growing city of just nearly 270,000 people, a ghost town seems a little defeatist; some days it seems just right, and some days it feels like an opening: to stop counting the time. 

There is a slowness of this period that I have come to appreciate, even as it frustrates me. The slowness to remember and reconsider and re-learn the basic unit of relating: care; to care for each other and to care for ourselves. And we are being subject to the realities of care’s absence: there are millions of people—while they toil and make our world turn, even against the heaviest measures of despair—are disregarded as undeserving of housing, of health(care), of food, of life itself. 

These systems of violence and domination continue to evolve, as showcased by this next phase of neoliberalism, with its elite colors and sloganeering. Coca-Cola racial justice investments and Nike’s you can do it to end racism and NFL’s $250,000,000 check to shut it (what, exactly?) down. Our task is more urgent than ever, yet there is still, simply this: you and I making a road where perhaps previously there was not, where perhaps previously there were, and it had been bombed or torn apart.

I am on the eve of my second pandemic birthday. And between the last time I dared contemplate how this ends and this moment now, there have been attempted coups and multiple mass shootings; there have been more vaccines distributed in the 1st world and essentially none for our sisters, brothers, and kin to the global south. Schools in my city are reopening and the people who suffer are made to blame each other.

A pandemic of this kind, through which a virus has served as the vehicle sounding the sirens of human plight, has the potential to lure us towards conclusions about the ever-deepening crises of white supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism that will be regretful for us in the long-term. Namely, while it is true many things are outside of our control, like how a virus may mutate or transmit, there is so much more that is within our control.

We have witnessed that even in the middle of a pandemic, our people have risen up across the globe to declare that there must be another way to live. What deserves to be said again and again is that on one hand there is the science of this pandemic and the science of greed which profits on sickness; on the other is clear the science of solidarity; the science of organizing; the science of returning people back to each other; a sense of attention, a regard for care, an interest in ourselves and each other and the planet as people and places worthy of a world different than what centuries of violence and domination have conditioned and forced us toward.

At last, I do not know what the end of this pandemic means. But it seems to the hopeful, revolutionary optimist in me, that we have tried our raggedy best this year. I have appreciated more than ever our attempts at an honesty we may not have been willing to demonstrate. It seems to me that I haven’t been the only one to lie about how much I don’t know. And if you are looking for a script right now, about how to be, or how to cope, or how to regard yourself as belonging to those around you who do not look like you or speak like you or understand as you understand, I hope you’ll remember that there is no one else to make the future but us if we are to see ourselves in it.

I am embarrassed by my desperate need for things to return to normal. I am so desperate that I lay awake at night: wanting something I know I cannot have and the intelligent part of me knows that if I could have it, it would not be good for me or the people I love. The desperation is also a grief, fear, fatigue. But I also lay awake some nights taking audit of my gratitude; that beside me is my lover deep in restful sleep, that somehow in the morning our hands always find each other; and when we get out of bed, to make breakfast, or step outside: there is another day that affords me the time to learn how to be more human, and perhaps that is what this is worth. And those of us who still have it in us, and even those of us who feel that we have lost it, we must help this situation by becoming more and more human, as that is the only way I would want this to end. 

This piece is dedicated to my dear friends who have kept me this year, in particular Zaina, Mindy, Margo, and Nadeen. It is also dedicated to our beloved Elandria (E) Williams, may they continue to rest in piece and know that we are taking their mandate for us to care, seriously. It is dedicated to the best pandemic pal and partner I could have ever asked for, who has also vowed to return the favor next pandemic, Chantelle. This is dedicated to the streets, to the uprisings, to all people everywhere who believe life doesn’t have to be this way, that we are so much more—these people include city workers, educators, youth and students, organizers, healthcare workers, and more. Thanks for the example of your lives.

[nightwitchwriter]

Christmas Chapter

To those that have been reading my story, I apologized for being so late with my recent works. I managed to finish the other two on Christmas and this one before New Years. So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Nick’s POV

I walked into the kitchen to be greeted by a giant basket filled with pears and a box filled with pear based foods, like pie, cobbler, juice, even jelly beans, which Molly was stuffing herself with.

“Where did the pears come from?”

“Faye bought them!” Molly, mouth stuffed of jelly beans

“She did?”

“Both her and her father.” mom, who came from the next room. “Molly, leave some for the rest of us.”

I stared at the packages, uncertain about its products.

“Why pears?”

“Why don’t you ask?” mom asked playfully before walking into the kitchen.

The next day, I went to the Black Cat Cafe, carrying a bag. When I walked in, it was semi-busy, with many of the tables full.

“Hello Nick.” Mrs. McCalmont, from behind the counter.

“Hi, Mrs. McCalmont. Is Wil home?”

“No, she’s helping me with a delivery. Is something wrong?”

“Uh, no, um, here.” I handed her a bag of apples. “Mom says thanks for the pears.”

“Oh your welcome. Thank you.”

As she took the apples, I struggled to ask my question, even though it may sound rude.

“Uh, what are the pears for?”

“For the 12 Days of Christmas!” Faye jumped from behind the counter, surprising me.

“12 days of Christmas? As in the song?” I questioned “So, in the place of Christmas?”

“Oh no we celebrate Christmas. Think of it as a Christmas tradition. It gets everyone in the Christmas spirit.”

“Does everyone on Arcanos do it?” Looking around, making sure no one heard me.

“You can talk about Arcanos. There’s no rule about it not talking about it. Watch. ARCANOS!”

Everyone in the cafe turned to look at us.

“Faye, stop that.” scolded Mrs. McCalmont. “If it makes you feel better, we can go into the kitchen?”

I nodded and followed them into the cafe kitchen, where I saw stuff moving by itself. The food was cooking and wrapping themselves. I saw tiny fairies flying around the kitchen as well as multiple ovens and stoves, six at least. I could smell bread baking, chocolate melting and meat roasting.

“Wow.” I looked at the whole room in amazement. One of the fairies came up to him and landed on his shoulder. She looked at him curiously.

“I hope the fairies aren’t a health code violation.” I joked

“Those aren’t fairies. They’re pixies.” explained Faye “Fairies are much bigger.”

“I see.” I looked back at the kitchen. “It’s like Merlin’s spell from the Sword in the Stone.”

“It's something similar.” Mrs. McCalmont answered, putting the apples in the center table. “It makes work a bit easier.”

“So how does the 12 days of Christmas work?” 

“Well, like the song, it lasts for 12 days, from the 12th to the 24th. For each day of Christmas, we gift that theme of the day. Like, a partridge in a pear tree.” she explained

“So, like you give out pear based presents?”

“Exactly. When I married my husband, we carried the tradition to his family, then decided to use it for the cafe as well.”

“Wow. So, if yesterday was pears, then today would be-”

“Doves!” exclaimed Faye

“Doves? Like turtle doves?”

“Uh-huh. Last year, my aunt gave me actual turtle doves.” she bragged

“Really?”

“No, she didn’t. Don’t tease him like that, or you won’t get any presents from Santa.” Mrs. McCalmont scolded

 I chuckled to myself. Felicity is the same age as Faye, but doesn’t believe in Santa anymore. “You still believe in Santa?”

“Of course I do. Why should I not?”

“Because your getting older.”

“These pixies are real.” she pointed out. “So why shouldn’t Santa?”

She had me there. I glared at the pixie on my shoulder giggling at me.

“So for the second day, what should I give?”

“Why? You want to give my sister a gift?” Faye grinned  “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…” 

“What? No! I just saw Wil give something to Maddy today and yesterday. So, I was wondering, since its Christmas season.” For some reason, my cheeks were getting warm. Am I blushing? Why am I blushing?! Why does

“So what should I give her? And Maddy?”

“Well, the most common gifts would be turtle candies, dove chocolates, dove products or ornaments.” answered Mrs. McCalmont.

“That’s it?”

“Well, unless you have enough money to get her actual turtle doves…” she smirked “Oh, speaking of which…”

She went to the fridge and took out a paper bag. She gave it to me and I looked inside to see individually wrapped chocolate turtles inside.

“No one in your family is allergic to pecans right?” she gently asked

Christmas may be the time of generosity, but this is surprisingly generous.

Will’s POV

For the past couple of days, I’ve been getting presents. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s Christmas season of course, but…

“Maybe you have your own Santa Claus?” questioned Maddy

We were walking through the downtown area of the town, in Arcanos. Like in Harry Potter, many of the lights and lighted ornaments were floating in mid-air.

I’ve been getting 12 days of christmas presents, but they aren’t from anyone I know. Why? Because I’ve been finding them, somehow in my locker. The same happened with Maddy, but the gifts were different. 

On the 3rd day, she got 3 hen and chicks succulent plants, while I got French perfume. 4th day. She had a birdhouse, feeder, braille book and birdseed ornaments delivered to her house. I got cell phone accessories, including a diy phone case. 5th day. Five donuts were at Maddy’s desk. I got 5 rings, two hoops and a ring. 6th day. She got a recipe for eggnog, while I got chocolate creme eggs. By the 6th day, enough was enough.

“Like a Secret Santa? No way. Who would want to be secret Santas with me?” I questioned her

“Speaking of which, does Santa really exist in Arcanos?” she asked

“In a manner of speaking, yes. He’s more of a spirit now, than an actual person.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“And you know those snow globes from the movie Rise of the Guardians? There’s actual snow globes like them?”

“Really? That’s so cool!” Maddy thought for a minute. “So you really don’t know who’s been giving you those gifts?”

“I have an idea.”

“Nick?”

And this is why she is my best friend. 

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Remember that bet we made on my birthday? He’s trying to romance me, like he does for Heather. I saw him giving her an “early” Christmas present. A plush reindeer.”

“So you aren’t upset that he’s courting you, even though he's dating Heather?”

“Not really. It’s not so bad.” I winked at her. “Plus, we're getting free stuff out of it right?”

“Hm. Good point. But are you going to get him something?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I got some ideas.” I grinned evilly

“Ooh, can I help? He gave me stuff too.” Maddy volunteered. I grinned.

“Hmmm, fair enough, alright. Come on, let’s come up with some ideas.”

On the 7th day, which was for swans, I left something in Nick’s locker, before quickly heading in the direction of mine. I turned the corner and waited until Nick came. Maddy stood next to me. After a few minutes, Nick came in with his group of friends.

“Is he here yet?”

“Yeah. Shh!”

We, well I, watched as Nick opened his locker, and a giant, white inflatable pool swan blew up in his locker. I used big magic to make it bigger. It bursted the door opened, surprising them and everyone else in the hallway. It kept growing and nearly filled the whole hallway. And here’s the best part. It fell right on top of Nick. I could barely contain myself.

“What happened?”

“It fell on top of him.”

Maddy started to chuckle too.

“Come on, let’s go.”

We hurried away to our lockers, then classes before anyone noticed.

Nick’s POV

I. Am going. To kill. Her. I don’t care what type of magic she used, I know she put that stupid swan in my locker. I even got in trouble with it. Twice! It made me late for class, since it took 15 minutes to deflate it.

What the hell?

I was trying to be nice and give her presents, and Maddy too, not because of that stupid bet, because its Christmas! Aren’t you supposed to give presents to each other on Christmas?

Fine. If she wants to be naughty, I’ll show her naughty. Ugh. That did not sound right.

Later that day, I watched Wil as she got closer to her locker.

“Uh, Nick?” I turned around to see Dylan. “What are you doing?”

“Shhh!”

I motioned him over, and we watched as Wil opened her locker and then- boof!

A small explosion of black power and black feathers covered Wil and some parts of Maddy!

“Wh-what the?”

“What happened?” asked Maddy

Me and Dylan quickly went behind the wall before we were spotted. We could barely contain our laughter.

“Holy Shit!” laughed Dylan

“How’s that for a black swan?”

“Are you out of your mind? You just pranked the Wicked Witch of Willow High.”

“I know. Just a little payback.” I turned to look at him. “Want to help me out with the next one?”

“Oh heck yes.”

The next few days continued as followed: on the 8th day, Wil got pelted with milk balloons, while Nick smelled like camebre cheese, after finding them in his pockets every five minutes. The 9th day, Nick’s locker was filled with ballet items, while Wil was scared by red dancing shoes. The 10th day, both found frogs and toads in their personal items. Wil in her book bag, Nick in his pants while in the bathroom. On the 11th day, Wil was scared by a sudden piercing from a recorder while in the bathroom, and the same goes for Nick while answering his phone. On the 12th day, Wil was woken by the sound of drums from metal rock, while Nick was kept up all night because of it. 

Wil’s POV

“That’s it! No more pranks!” scolded Mom. I was keeping the pranks on Nick a secret from her, but she managed to find out. “It’s Christmas Eve! Now make up and give him a present as an apology and a sign of actual good will.”

“But mom,...” I didn’t want to, but… I really don’t want to.

“Do it or no Christmas.” threatened my dad

I groaned. Missing Christmas is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. I know there are thousands of people who have no choice but to miss Christmas, but its not fair for me either.

“At least call a truce for Christmas.”

I sighed. “All right. No more pranks.”

“And give him a present he’ll like, nothing cheap!”

The night before Christmas, and all through the night. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. And it was freaking cold! I got Nick’s stupid present, but I couldn’t give it to him at school. I wanted to drop it off at his house and that’ll be it, but my parents would not accept it. Dad even threatened to call them on Christmas, just to make sure I gave him the present. So, I’m here on my broom, at his house, at night, in the freezing cold! I clutched the present closer to my chest, debating whether this a good or bad idea. Groaning, I lowered myself towards his room window.

Also, if you all are wondering how I knew where Nick’s home or even his room is, thank Dalia, due to her mischief.

I knocked on the window with the curtains closed.

“Nick!” I quietly yelled, to prevent anyone seeing me.

I didn’t hear any movement, but the lights were on.

“Nick!”

Nothing. I reached into my pocket, and took out a hag stone. A hag stone is a stone that has a natural hole inside them. Depending on how or where the stones were formed, by looking through the holes, you could see various things. The one I have is similar to the one in Coraline. So think of the had stone as x-ray vision goggles.

I looked through it and could see past the house walls. I saw Nick in his bed, sleeping.

I knocked on the window again.

“Nick!”

Seeing that he wasn’t waking up, I tapped the window lock twice. 

“Tick tock. Break the lock.”

The window unlocked and opened itself, and I climbed in.

His room is surprisingly clean, for a high school boy. I saw him in his bed and walked over to wake him. His snoring is as loud as a high school boy. I shook him as hard as I could.

“Nick! Nick! Niiiccckkkk!”

After some groans, Nick managed to slowly open his eyes. His eyes widened quickly when he saw that I was in his room.

“Holy freaking crap!” he yelled as he scrambled away from me. I just smiled.

“Merry Christmas!” I smirked

“What are you doing in my house?! How’d you get into my house?!”

“Magic. Duh.”

“How’d you even know where I live?”

“Dalia. Duh. Anymore questions?”

He was silent for a moment, before asking, “What are you doing here?”

“Come outside.”

“It is freezing outside. And it’s Christmas Eve. If this is another prank, can it wait until morning?”

“It’s not a prank. My mom wants us to call a truce for Christmas, so truce?” I ask while holding out my hand.

Nick looked at my hand, suspicious and hesitating for a bit, before taking my hand.

“Fine, truce.”

“Good. Now come outside. I have a present for you.”

A few minutes later, we were both outside in the cold. After explaining that I got him a gift, it turns out he got me one too. Then we both stood there awkwardly for the next few minutes.

“So, want to open them now?” Nick asked

“Ehhh, it kind of goes against my tradition of opening presents before Christmas. You?”

“Not my tradition.”

He quickly went to open his present.

“Woah, a toy motorcycle. Cool.”

“Press the button.”

He looked confused.

I took the toy, pushed the button, then put it on the street and stepped back. Moments later, it quickly grew in size to a rideable size. The look on Nick’s face shows that I gave him the right gift. 

“I heard from Felicity that you got your motorcycle license, so I got you this.”

Remember the boat from Ponyo? There’s a toy company in Arcanos that makes toys inspired by the film. Cost a lot, but not as much as a regular motorcycle.

“What do you think?”

The next thing I knew, he was hugging me. An actual, no hesitation hug. 

“Thanks.” he whispered

Turns out, he was saving money for a motorcycle, but wasn’t close yet. With this, he doesn’t have to save anymore. But for some reason, he now didn’t want to give me my present. He tried to take it back, but after some tugging, I won. I decided to leave before he tries to take it again, but before I did, I showed him how to make it small again. Before I flew away, I watched Nick go back inside and shut the window I opened. 

The next day, on Christmas, I opened Nick’s present first. It was a ugly Christmas sweater, with a witch in a Santa dress and hat, on a broom, with a bag of presents behind her, flying through the night sky. A ugly Christmas sweater that's witch themed. After opening the rest of my presents, it was the only thing I didn’t have anything to say about. But, I wore it on the first day back at school. 

[rora-s]

The Derivative  Chapter 11: Prediction

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 10

My foot tapped repeatedly as I sat in a chair outside the principal's office. I had no idea why I had been called out of my english class to be here. Not that I was complaining about being taken out of a monotonous lecture on adjectives and adverbs. 

“Hey Abby” I looked up as the door opened and Mrs. Clive was there looking down at me. “Come on in” 

I grabbed my backpack and walked into the office, Clive closing the door behind me. Principal Brick was sitting behind his desk. I always thought his name fit his features with how square his head was. 

“Take a seat Abby” he offered, I nodded and sat down. Clive took the seat next to me. “I’ve heard a lot about you Ms. Calvin from Mrs. Clive here as well as your other teachers. Many of whom are concerned about certain behavioral issues you’ve shown since joining us here.” 

“If this is about that fight in the cafeteria I thought we had that sorted out I mean I didn’t cause it” I quickly defended myself sitting up in my seat. 

“We know Abby, that's not what we’re talking about” Clive reassured me. 

“Then what is it?” I asked, growing suspicious. 

Brick sat forward resting his hands on his desk. “To be completely honest with you Abby, originally we were led to believe by your social worker, a Mr. Grant, that your behavioral problems would be expected considering your history with the foster system and problematic past parent situation.” I shifted in my seat “however, Mrs. Clive has brought a different perspective onto the situation”

My head snapped to look at the teacher. She had a light smile on her face “I got into contact with a friend of mine Michelle Wiat she’s a principal at an elementary school it turned out you attended. She told me about the advanced courses she put you in College Algebra, Calculus. As well as your IQ testing she provided all the documentation as well” 

There was a moment where my brain was flustered hearing Ms. Wiat’s name again after so long. Then I finally collected my thoughts “so what does this mean? Are you finally putting me in advanced courses?” 

“Not exactly” Brick objected “we believe at this time that this school can no longer provide what you need to learn” 

“In other words we know you’re not thriving here” Clive cut in “so I’ve arranged here with Mr. Brick for you to possibly test out of high school” 

I was stunned at the news but felt excitement bubbling within me “serious like no more school?” 

“Part of it will require you to continue your education somewhere else such as college, university, or career center but you will no longer be attending high school” Brick explained. 

“This is awesome,” I cheered excitedly. 

“Don’t get too excited you’ll have to take a test to prove you’re capable and that’s only if your father approves all of this” Clive clarified. 

I felt my excitement hit a wall “my father?” 

“Yes we’ll be sending you home today with a note detailing everything and asking for a parent teacher conference to discuss any other issues that may come of this” Brick informed “since you are still a minor you can’t just make these decisions on your own” 

“Right” I murmured as Brick handed me a letter. 

“Don’t worry Abby this will all work out and then we’ll get to see what heights you’ll truly be able to reach” Clive reassured me with a hand on my shoulder. As I looked at the paper I didn’t feel as sure. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

3rd POV. 

Abby sat out in the hallway at school. She was reading Twelve Years a Slave. The nine year old had been kicked out of her 4th grade class for calling another kid an asshole after he broke her pencils. 

“Abigail” she looked up at the familiar disappointed voice of the principal. 

“Hello” the girl greeted. “Call me Abby” 

The principal, Mrs. Wiat, sighed and sat down next to the girl. “Whatcha reading?” 

“Twelve Years a Slave” Abby replied, showing the teacher the book cover. 

“Advanced book for someone your age” The principal voiced genuinely surprised. 

“It’s a good read but I feel bad for Solomon. He just wants to escape his captivity.” Abby voiced “he didn’t ask for any of his problems he just got dragged into it” 

“Do you relate to him?” The woman pressed sensing something. 

Abby shrugged and didn’t make eye contact. “Maybe a little” 

“Abby, you know calling people mean things is wrong” The principal explained. 

“But he broke my pencils,” the girl defended. 

“I understand but lashing out isn’t the answer” Mrs. Wiat kept her voice even as she spoke. “Abby, you've been fighting with other kids and not doing your homework. Is there something going on at home? Something you want to tell me?” 

The girl shook her head quickly “no nothing” 

“Okay” the principal nodded. “Then why don’t you do your homework?” 

“Because isn’t the point of homework to practice the stuff you learn in class?” The fourth grader asked. 

“That’s right,” the principal nodded. “Which is why you need to do it to learn.” 

“But I already know the stuff,” Abby objected. “I mean I get perfect scores on the tests so why do I have to do the homework?” 

The principal found herself speechless at the fourth graders logic. “Because it factors into your grade” 

“Well what's more important in school for me to learn or for me to get good grades?” The girl challenged. 

“Abby” the principal sighed. Then a thought came to her “I want to send a note home with you for your mother” the principal explained “I want to talk to her and get you in a more advanced program at least for your reading level maybe math also” 

“Does this program have homework?” Abby questioned. 

The principal chuckled lightly “Unfortunately Abby all of life has homework.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Abby POV. 

“What you think he’ll say no?” Charlie asked as he moved some papers around on the table. 

“I don’t know what he’s going to say,” I exclaimed, my chin resting on the table the note from my teachers in my hands. “That’s the part that bothers me.” 

“Well then I suppose the only way to resolve that would be to ask him” Charlie argued. I let out a breath in a huff. “Listen Abby, you've been arguing to learn more advanced curriculum since you got here and I’d wager even before then. This is a great chance for you. I’m sure Don will see that and let you test out okay?” 

“Yeah” I murmured. “Don’t tell him about this though I want to be the first one to talk to him” 

“My lips are sealed” the mathematician vowed as he typed on his laptop. 

A moment later Alan came in from the kitchen and I folded the note and stuffed it in my pocket. “Hey,” he greeted “Charlie whatcha working on there?” 

“Sabermetrics” Uncle C replied with a sigh “baseball math found on a dead man’s computer Don’s having me look at it for a case” 

“Oh” Alan murmured a little put off from the dead man fact. He walked up behind Charlie peering over his shoulder “What do these formulas tell you?” 

“The ones I’ve recovered indicate that the Dodgers are not on the right track to win the pennant next year” Charlie informed. 

“Like you needed math to figure that one out, huh?” Gramps muttered. 

Charlie chuckled “no” 

“I heard that, uh, Don was leaning towards the wife.” Alan voiced. 

“That’s right,” Charlie confirmed. 

“Seems to be the first place they look nowadays” Alan mused. 

“I don’t understand” Charlie agreed “I mean, if you hate the person you’re married to that much, get divorced.” 

“Even the thought of divorce holds its own special horrors, let me tell you” Alan sighed. 

“Well, you and mom never thought about- I mean, I was never witness to any kind of-” Charlie stammered as his father leaned on a chair. 

“That’s exactly the way we wanted it.”  Alan explained. Charlie shifted in his chair, eyes still fixed on Alan urging him to continue “well, it was a long time ago, we, um. We had a little rough patch there for a moment, but we got through it.” 

Charlie closed his laptop slowly and I looked between the two men wondering where this conversation was going “how rough a patch are we talking about?” Uncle C questioned. 

“It was when you were 13 years old,” Alan offered willingly “and you went off to Princeton.” 

“Mom came with me,” Charlie added. 

“The separation was pretty hard on both of us” Alan admitted “and aside from the money matters, there was this irrational jealousy. Anyway, even the possibility of divorce was never discussed, because we loved each other too much.” 

“I don’t remember any of it,” Charlie murmured. “I don’t even remember a raised voice between the two of you.” 

“That’s because your mother and I both agreed that we wouldn’t stress you or Don any more than we had to.” Alan explained sitting down. “Charlie that’s how parents argue in front of their children; they disguise the big things as little things.” 

Charlie was quiet for a moment looking at his work. I stood up and made to leave the room a churning feeling in my gut. “Abby you alright?” Alan called after me. 

“Yeah, yeah fine I just, homework” I lied horribly but Gramps didn’t seem to be questioning it and I didn’t really give him time to before I was bolting up the stairs. 

I collapsed on the bed in Don’s old room. Charlie going to college early had put a huge strain on his parents' lives. What kind of strain would I be putting on Don if I graduated early? In all my nagging why hadn’t I considered how this would affect Don. After everything my mom went through and sacrificed for me growing up was I really going to make my other parent sacrifice for me too? Let alone one I’d only known for less than a year? 

I groaned and grabbed the pillow covering my face. When did my life get so complicated? 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

3rd POV. 

Abby sat bored in yet another class at school. She glanced at the clock and sighed. Wondering how difficult it would be to slip out a side door during a passing block. The public library wasn’t too far from the school and it would be open at this time. 

Then her mom's words came back to her. She glanced around the class all of whom were still working on the algebra assignment she had already finished. How was she going to become friends with any of them? Most of them were upper middle class with well to do parents. Nice clothes, new backpacks, and cell phones. Abby wore thrift store clothes, had an old backpack that had seen better days, and never had a cell phone in her life. 

The bell rang jogging her from her thoughts. Gathering her things Abby headed out into the hallway. Going to the freshman lockers to ditch her stuff from algebra and grab her English stuff. 

They were reading “Of Mice and Men” which she had already read years prior. She remembered every word and had told her teacher as much but the woman had still insisted that Abby bring her copy to class everyday. Despite the obvious redundancy. 

“Hey gutter kid” Abby heard the call and turned just in time to get hit in the face by someone’s backpack. “Oops looks like Miss smarty pants isn’t much of a quick thinker.” 

Abby recovered quickly and looked to see who had thrown the bag. She wasn’t surprised to see a gaggle of laughing popular kids not far off. She looked down at the back pack and reared punting it down the hall. 

She smirked broadly as one of the kids ducked and another got a face full as she had. 

“Why you little” One of the kids came at her, pinning her to the locker. She kicked out on reflex and before she knew it a fight had broken out in the hallway. 

When a teacher finally showed up and pulled them apart. Abby was shocked that he first turned to the kid who had started it. 

“What happened?” the teacher asked them. 

“She attacked me-“ 

“I did not you liar!” Abby objected loudly. 

“You be quiet” The teacher ordered her. 

“But I didn’t-“ 

“Come on I’m taking you to the office now” the teacher ordered. He grabbed Abby’s arm and led her down the hallway. 

Not long after she was sitting outside the principal's office. She could hear everything going on inside. 

“She has a history of ditching” the teacher, Mr. Simons, was saying. “And now she’s picking fights.” 

“Abby skips because she isn’t learning anything in her classes if you put her in the advanced class-“ 

“That girl shouldn’t even be in regular classes,” Simons objected. “And don’t act like she’s some genius from the look of her I’d say she skips to go out drinking and do drugs-“ 

“Don’t you dare talk about my daughter like that!” Janice yelled. 

“Settle down both of you and Simons sit the hell down” the principal suddenly snapped. Then continued in a quieter but not any less tense tone “What exactly did Chris say happened?” 

“That she attacked him in the hallway” Simons stated “unprovoked” 

“Alright and what did Abby-“ 

“Why do you need any more convincing? It’s obvious what happened! What are you going to trust the word of some delinquent that can’t be bothered to show up to class or the straight A quarterback.” 

“My daughter is no liar!” Janice exclaimed. “She doesn’t go to class because she already knows everything that’s being taught cuz you refuse to put her in the advanced classes” 

“Do you really think a girl with elementary school education like Swiss cheese is actually going to make it in an advanced class?” Simons scoffed arrogantly. 

“She can remember everything that she’s ever read perfectly just ask her” Janice shot back. 

“Will you two stop!” The principal exclaimed and sighed. “I’m putting both students involved on temporary suspension” 

“What!” Simons exclaimed. The office descended into loud bouts of indiscernible yelling. Abby closed her eyes and tuned them and the world out the best she could. 

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

“You alright?” Charlie asked hesitantly as him and Don left the Lorman group headquarters. 

“Yeah” Don murmured “It’s just all this stuff about predicting human potential I can’t help thinking about how it’d impact Abby you know?” he explained as the pair loaded into his SUV. “I mean she doesn’t really talk about it but I got enough from her social worker to know that her and Janice lived in some not great neighborhoods growing up.” 

“And this predictive model would have slighted against her despite her potential” Charlie inferred. 

“Exactly I mean she’s incredibly smart” Don explained “and I’ve been trying to go to bat with her regarding these advanced courses and stuff. Like, you were already in college at her age and she’s that same kind of smart. I just want her to have all the opportunities she deserves.” 

Charlie chuckled slightly “you know this side of you Abby brings out it- its kinda weird” 

“Yeah? Good weird or bad weird?” Don inquired. 

“Definitely good weird” Charlie assured. 

Don sighed “I guess I finally just understand what Mom and Dad meant when they said they wanted the world for us, you know. And that’s what I want for Abby” Don explained and Charlie smiled working very hard to keep his mouth shut about Abby’s letter from her teachers. 

_____________

Don glanced up at Abby as she ate her fries, her eyes scanning over the book she had laying on the table. They were eating dinner in their apartment now that he was back from the long case he’d just worked. The man took a deep breath deciding he had given her enough time “so I talked to Ms. Clive today and set up the time for the parent/teacher conference” 

Abby’s head snapped up so fast he was a little concerned “how did you? Did she tell you? Uh…” she fumbled over her words. 

Don scoffed setting down his burger “Abby, first off my job is to figure things out second off if you want a secret kept your uncle is the last person you should tell” Abby groaned putting her head in her hands and muttering a curse word or two towards Charlie. Don chuckled lightly “the only thing I don’t get is why you didn’t tell me. I mean, this is what you’ve been after forever I thought you would have jumped at it” 

“I was and I am… excited” Abby replied carefully biting her lip nervously which made Don shift in his seat. “It’s just… I know me going to college early is a big deal and it’s going to change things for me a- and for you and I didn’t want to make your life harder than I already had” 

Don was surprised by the confession and even more concerned as his daughter refused to make eye contact with him. He thought about what to say and only one thing came to mind “Abby I want the world for you” he told her. 

The girl looked up in surprise, her eyes meeting her father’s “what?”

“Listen I don’t care if this is going to change some things. Because I’m here for you” Don explained “Listen, I appreciate the concern but it’s the parents job to worry about the kid not the other way around or at least not until I’m old and gray” a small smile spread on Abby’s face. 

“Thanks Don” Abby told him. 

“Yeah, of course” Don nodded and he could tell Abby felt a lot better. Not just from this situation but it was like another wall had fallen down, chain had been released. And for him it was like another puzzle had been solved, another crisis averted. For both another step toward being family. 

Chapter 12 -> 

[mousedetective]

So goes the plans of mice and me...

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Updates Through 8/4/19

Long long looooooong story as short as I can make it (like literally, the moving saga tag is the best start for how long this story is...not totally current but I don’t tag all my help posts with that tag) I am a queer, disabled woman (fibro, psoriatic arthritis, degenerative back disorder, chronic fatigue, bipolar disorder) who has been homeless for 20 months come August 3rd. I am currently waiting to see if an application I put in to the County of San Diego via Alpha Project for Section 8 housing will be approved; I have no idea how long it will take, but it’s already been about a month now.

I have a 16-year-old son who I had to relinquish my legal rights and physical custody of after trying for twelve years to get him back. I had thought his adoptive mom L was a good person and would take care of him as much as she did her own children; in the two years since the adoption has been finalized, that is blatently not the case. He’s suffering from emotional neglect at the very least, but my hands are currently tied because I have no legal visitation rights (California does not have open adoption) and if he gets taken out of her home I may not see him again for a year or so until he graduates high school and ages out of the system (and that’s if he’s kept at the special school he goes to).

So in June, I had my son for a ten day visit at a hotel. He was sent with no clothes other than what he had worn to his awards ceremony earlier that day, his medication and his electronic tablet and headphones. I spent nearly $1000 on the hotel room, food, new clothing...it put my family almost $700 in debt for the month of July. I was then told by L via my son that until I got permanent housing, no more visits.

Then last week, my son says L wanted us to take him the entire month of August, a feat that would have gone well over $3,000 in hotel costs alone. It later became this upcoming weekend (the 2nd, 3rd and 4th of August) and an undetermined visit later in the month for a longer period in time. I still have no idea when this second visit is taking place or how long it will be, so I can’t pay any of my bills for fear I won’t have enough for a hotel room aside from maybe the two storage units we use most.

Last week as well, my mother (who is also disabled - back problems, bipolar, diabetes and has had a heart attack and breast cancer) got an infected wound in her leg which has only gotten worse. She finally got to see a doctor today and was told she needs to be off her feet, doing hot compresses to get the wound to drain and beginning antibiotics. She gets fever/chills or it doesn’t drain, we have to head to the ER because there could be life-threatening complications with her diabetes.

I’ve asked for a lot of help and graciously, I’ve gotten it. But right now I’m pulling my hair out because I need to get my mom in a hotel room for longer than this weekend, I need to save as much as I can to take my son later in the month so I can keep visitation (L gets nasty when I have to refuse a visit by threatening for us not to see him, as she did earlier this July), I need to pay $521 for three storage units with all our belongings, I need gas to go get my son and I have no earthly idea how much of my disability and my mother’s disability we’re getting on the 1st since the 3rd is on a weekend. I honestly don’t even know if we’ll have enough between us to cover the weekend hotel booking at $442.

I don’t know what to do. I need to take care of my mom, I need to get my son in a loving environment as much as I can while he’s on break this month from school, I need to feed all of us (and I’m not joking when I call my son a human garbage disposal...he’s nearly six feet tall and so skinny you can see his joints, but he eats like he has a black hole for a stomach) especially since my son is not getting breakfast and lunch at school this month. I’m at the end of my rope at this point and utterly exhausted from insomnia and pain and trying to finish a massive project I took on with near-daily deadlines. 

As I said way at the top, we’re in line to receive section 8 housing we hope, and help filling in gaps from our twenty months of homelessness plus whatever else we have to go through before we get approved. We’re in a van and it’s killing me to climb in and out of the back with my arthritic limbs and the fibro hurting my muscles. I have a cane and a walker crammed in there and it’s such a tight fit. Any help getting a hotel for a while would be a start; after that, food and help paying the bills. I may be able to pay people back in installments once I know when I’m supposed to have my son for his second visit so I can get the reservation and have a finite amount of days to pay for.

Please help. Please reblog if you can’t. This has been one of the most stressful months of my life and while I thought August might be better it’s already off to a bad start and I just want to cry.