#light recognizes light
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My doors and windows are usually open; anyone can call, stop by, you may even borrow something (just leave a note) or have a moment to rest. Take your time - however, I probably will not be here.
There will always be space and sustenance for all (yes all) at my table, but there may not always be a seat, and I will not always be in attendance... Unless you have been invited.
On the off chance of a rare sighting, rarer still, interaction; it may be nothing more than a passing smile, wink, and boop as I continue along a merry, glittering (focused) way.
Please, do not confuse kindness and grace for absolution or acceptance. Nor is my silence vendetta or personal. There is no residual anger it has all been let go. I operate from, of, and with love. This is my nature.
For some, there will not be a glimmer of recognition; no further access to treasures, depths, or getting lost in catacombs. The surface level is more than enough. I see and feel true colors for what they are, long before anyone chose to not only prove them but flaunt them, and then attempt to suffocate with them. Sealing and serving the feeling with a sentiment that appeared to insist it was all some type of ill-gotten and deserved favor. No. It was also not naiveté, or being "nice" - simply put my light consistently sees and recognizes the light in others.
I chose, and choose, to grow, to live, to love, and to be.
✨️fc
#dishonesty#emotional abuse#it's not friendship#it's just shitty#spilled ink#spilled truths#healing is a process#healing is not linear#feralchaton#spilled thoughts#i tore up soul contracts#yes you can do that#karmic#soul#twin#know your connections#light recognizes light#darkness works much in the same way#this is why some find comfort in similar negative situations#however one's darkness may be recognizing shadows left by another's darkness#heal#you are worth your own time and love
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I will never get over the fact that Athena’s first line in We’ll Be Fine is “I had a friend before, and he was a lot like you” instead of “you are a lot like him”. It’s almost like Athena is treating Odysseus as the “loving father of Telemachus” instead of Telemachus as merely “the son of Odysseus”. I AM NOT OKAY
#everyone sees you as the little Odysseus that is meant to be legendary#but for me—I see how Odysseus resembled you when he was young. I see the light he once was before it went dark#and now I see it in you. You’re the light Odysseus needs to see#I recognize that now. It wasn’t so clear to me when I first held you in my arms#and it took me a while. But I recognize that now#you’re a good kid#telemachus#epic the musical#epic the wisdom saga#jorge rivera herrans#epic telemachus#tagamemnon#epic athena#odysseus#the odyssey#we’ll be fine#epic: the musical#the wisdom saga#wait what 1k since when
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august
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#quick bg study based off a picture i took of my mailbox!!! went 2 check the mail thought the light was rly pretty n had a Vision#also fate is cruel and i live surrounded by hydrangea bushes so like . yanno.#exposure therapy and all that#real talk tho i am so well equipped w hydrangea brushes now this took no time at all . u do not scare me anymore.#what did take a long time was getting a fond expression on the TINIEST YUUJI HE IS SO SMALL#HES LIKE 3 PIXELS WIDE#ik its not a char-centric piece but i still wanted his face 2 look okay#and that was so difficult when hes so far in the bg comparatively GJHKGFKJS#i also wanted to caption this w fv lyrics from june gloom#but then i learned that camilla whatshername has a song w th same name and i could not take that risk#my music taste may b questionable but i have standards#anyway uhhhhhh if hell freezes over and some1 recognizes where i live based off itfs loitering by my mailbox pls donot doxx me thank u <3
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I'm not explaining why re-imagining characters as POC is not the same as white-washing, here of all places should fucking understand.
#personal#delete later#no patrick. “black washing” is not as harmful as white washing.#come on guys get it together#seeing people in my reblogs talk about “reverse racism” and double standards is genuinely hypocrisy#say it with me: white washing is intrinsically tied to a historical and systematic erasure of poc figures literature and history.#it is an inherently destructive act that deplatforms underrepresented faces and voices#in favor of a light-skinned aesthetic hegemony#redesigning characters as poc is an act of dismantling symbols of whiteness in fiction in favor of diversification and reclamation#(note that i am talking about individual acts by individual artists as was the topic of this discourse. not on an industry-scale)#redesigning characters as poc is not tied to hundreds of years of systemic racism and abuse and power dynamics. that is a fact.#you are not replacing an underrepresented person with an oft-represented person. it is the opposite#if you feel threatened or upset or uncomfortable about this then sorry but you are not aware of how much more worse it is for poc#if representation is unequal then these acts cannot be equivalent. you can't point to an imbalanced scale and say they weigh the same#if you recognize that bipoc people are minorities then you should recognize that these two things are not the same#while i agree that “black washing” can lead to color-blind casting and writing the behavior here is on an individual level#a black artist drawing their favorite anime character as black because they feel a shared solidarity is not a threat to you#i mean. most anime characters are east asian and i as an east asian person certainly don't feel threatened or erased. neither should you.#there's much to be said about the politics of blackwashing (i don't even know if that's the right word for it)#but point standing. whitewashing is an inherently more destructive act. both through its history of maintaining power dynamics#and the simple fact that it's taking away from groups of people who have less to begin with#if you feel upset or uncomfortable about a fictional white character being redesigned as poc by an artist on twitter#i sincerely hope you're able to explore these feelings and find avenues to empathizing with poc who have had their figures#(both real and fictional) erased; buried; and replaced by white figures for hundreds of years#i sincerely hope you can understand the difference in motivations and connotations behind whitewashing and blackwashing#classic bixels “i'm not talking about this chat. i'm not” (puts my media studies major to use in the tags and talks the fuck outta it)
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skytober day 9 - constellation
i was so happy, i cried
#bonus points if you can recognize the pose references#tried to use motion and radial blurring to communicate motion but idk i think i used too much. too bad!!#skykid#skycotl#sky cotl#sky children of the light#sky children fanart#skytober
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Almost done reading Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: Firestorm (my e-book says it's 80% through). Koba's backstory is so SAD. He was such a nice bonobo. We never saw a baby Koba, like we did with Ceasar. I needed to put the picture in my brain on paper...
#planet of the apes#dawn of the planet of the apes: firestorm#rise of the planet of the apes#dawn of the planet of the apes#Koba#POTA koba#THE POOR BABY#THE POOOR BBAABBBYYY#I wonder what happened to milo...#and I wonder if milo was a chimpanzee?#Koba recognized him as one of his kind so I think the big black caterpillars he keeps talking about are chimps#which would mean milo was a bonobo#i should wait until morning to take a picture of the drawing but whatever#it's past midnight i don't care anymore sdkjgsk#I painted him gray but he looks brown lol#tbh i was painting with watercolour mud. there was definitely brown in there and the lighting emphasized it orz#not a big deal
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"real tears woah!!"
#ame not recognizing his own tears is so🤭#this panel is so good for no reason omfg#this is more of a messy colored sketch? i miss drawing him...#also testing out new techniques and stuff like the lighting#experimenting as i store up some more fanart#hetalia#hetalia world stars gangsta#hetalia fanart#alfred f jones#hws america#aph america#artsy mooko
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a version of chronicles of narnia where those closest to the kings and queens get put into a sleep when the pevensies are brought back to their world, from which they're awoken only when their beloved four rules return, something à la sleeping beauty.
so the pevensie siblings return to narnia, and logically, it's been thousands of years. their closest friends, those they viewed as family, are, to their knowledge, dead, and they are completely alone now.
until peter and caspian encounter each other in the woods, and are about to get into their fight. it's the moment where peter's back is turned, and caspian has his word raised. lucy is screaming, tears in her eyes, susan and edmund are too far away to do anything, and there's a moment of chaos before caspian's strike is blocked by a larger, longer sword.
oreius, completely disgruntled and still very out of the loop, but only focusing on the fact that his king, his friend, his son, is in danger, glares daggers at caspian, not looking away for a second, even as tumnus gathers a now-relieved, sobbing lucy up in a tight hug, and edmund and susan shriek with joy upon seeing the beavers and mr. fox.
and any feeling of tension or fear immediately seeps out of peter, who drops the rock he had picked up, and stumbles to his feet and to oreius' side, being able to lean on the centaur for the first time in a year, and not have to worry about his safety or his siblings' safety. and oreius, without taking his eyes off of caspian and his followers, just puts an arm around peter.
and caspian remembers. he remembers the stories of the high kings and queens of narnia, and their beloved inner circle, and the absolutely terrifying centaur who called them sons and daughters of his heart, and he can't quite help but think about how utterly fucked he is.
#i have a vision in my mind#of a “don't touch my daughter you bitch” moment#and it's oreius giving caspian THE death glare as he stands protectively in front of peter#that's his son your honor#NOT a caspian bash#i just think its funny if caspian realizes that he's just fought with peter in front of his narnia dad#and is absolutely prepared to die for it because of the stories he's heard of oreius' protectiveness#also the group makes their way back to the how#and hear someone absolutely verbally tearing caspian's army to shreds#and edmund completely lights up because he'd recognize philip's voice anywhere#and he gets to reunite with his sarcastic shit of a best friend#this is going to be a fic btw#the chronicles of narnia#the lion the witch and the wardrobe#prince caspian#peter pevensie#oreius#lucy pevensie#susan pevensie#edmund pevensie#mr tumnus
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“ - but have you ever considered, I don’t know, not sucking all the time? Just a thought.”
It takes the combined grips of Nuisance and Hound to keep the wriggling, snarling body beneath Fox from throwing him off its back. With three years’ practice of having to fix his own rickety desk chair over and over again, the movement merely ruffles the proverbial fringe on his helmet.
“And I don’t mean that as an insult, necessarily. Well, I do a little bit. But also I have some amount of empathy for the no doubt immense amounts of trauma that had to go into the creation of something so dysfunctional as you, on a very personal level, so have you considered going to the root of that in a way that’s like… useful? Instead of wasting it all on kriffing Kenobi, I mean. Look at the guy. All he does all day is drink tea and commit warcrimes. I bet he knits for fun. Bit of an embarrassing nemesis, don’t you think?”
“I”, says Kenobi, then pauses. The space between his eyebrows is creased with uncertainty, and he looks deeply torn between continuing rocking the shaking Duchess of Mandalore against his chest from his corner of the throne room and re-activating his lightsaber to continue losing his fight against the Darksider Fox is currently sitting on. “I feel like I should object to some part of that, but I’m not entirely clear on what. Or how this happened, again. Isn’t Mandalore a few star systems from your purview, Commander?”
“Probably the warcrimes”, mutters Nuisance underneath his strained breath.
“About as far from my supposed assignment as yours, General”, says Fox a little louder.
Kenobi twitches. Fox cannot claim to know which of them does it. Both, maybe. Probably.
“I will - taste - your - flesh!”, heaves out Darth Maul, snarling and hissing.
“Oooh, kinky!”, calls Grids, from the corner where she’s got her stun-setting aimed at the other Zabrak, currently passed out cold. Fox sighs deeply. He knew he shouldn’t have taken those three - any combination of Grids, Hound and Nuisance in a room together usually spelled chaos.
Unfortunately, it also spelled competence. The Basic alphabet can be funny that way.
The point being: as of some months into the war, one of Fox’s assigned tasks is the surveillance of all GAR-wide communication. All command-class staff theoretically got that memo, but no one seems to have read the fine print where that includes both professional and personal communication, as well as any and all comm devices registered or suspected to be registered to that person. Especially not one Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.
The point further being, if that sounds both immensely impractical and sort of terrifying in a democratic supposedly non-surveillance state, you’d be bang on the credits, and to Fox’ eternal chagrin the singular person in this whole useless army who’s spent the second of thinking necessary for that conclusion.
The final point being, when one frantic General’s mad dash across the Galaxy to rescue his teenage sweetheart from the spectre of his supposedly dead nemesis crosses his desk on its way to the Chancellor’s inbox, it doesn’t take much time for him to block any and all trace of it across the digital space of the GAR commboard and take matters into his own hands.
“ - which is why I told Thorn to suck it up and be in charge for a few days, and also why you’re still alive, your Highness, very welcome, was no trouble at all”, he concludes, drily. The Duchess stares the wide-eyed look of someone attempting to reconcile clones with ‘sentience’ or perhaps ‘personality’ in her head, but won’t say it outright.
Or the look of someone who’s just been violently overthrown and nearly murdered, perhaps, Fox allows.
“Um -“, Kenobi hedges, blinking rapidly.
“And the reason you’re still alive, probably. You’re welcome for that too, by the way”, Grids calls from the back of the throne room, cheekily.
“Alright”, says Kenobi, loudly. There’s color back in his deathly-pale cheeks, Fox notes, even if that color is a lot of red. It doesn’t fade very gracefully into his beard. “Opinions on whether or not I had everything under control notwithstanding -“
“You really didn’t”, Hound supplies helpfully.
“ - opinions notwithstanding, I am admittedly still lost on why you’re now sitting on Darth Maul and attempting to, to - jeer at him, Marshall Commander!”
“We’re not jeering, we’re trying to create a safe space and lay the groundwork for more open communication”, Fox says, primly.
Maul screams into the ground, attempting for the umpteenth time to rear up and visit great violence upon Fox, which admittedly has him rattling in his crosslegged seat atop his back.
Kenobi raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Safe space?”
“He’s restrained and not stabbing anyone, I personally feel much safer than before”, Grids muses. “Watch the teeth though, Hound. Little biter.”
Indeed. Fox’s right greave will have to be replaced posthaste.
“And anyways, the point isn’t to jeer at him, it’s to make clear that he’s focusing his energy in the wrong places and could be doing much better things with his admittedly not-great life”, Fox adds, shifting to cast a pointed look down at Maul. The Sith is panting open-mouthed into the durasteel floor, sharp teeth gnashing wildly as his piercing yellow eyes shine with barely restrained rage. “I’m just saying - aim higher. You aren’t seeing the forest for the Kenobis, Maul. Can I call you Maul?”
“I will feed you your own entrails”, yowls Maul.
“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Right now, I’m an easy target to focus all that built-up rage on, but is killing me really going to help you achieve any of your goals? No! Think about it - when it all comes down to it, who sent you on that mission to Naboo in the first place? Who made sure the Jedi and, by extension, Kenobi would be there to kill you? Who used you as a dejarik piece and then cast you aside the second you outlived your usefulness?”
Beneath him, Maul slowly stills in his struggle, still panting heavily. Hound and Nuisance don’t let it deter them in their vigilance, because they’re damn good vod’e and possess an ounce of common sense.
“And, look, I get it. I could spend the rest of my life punching every civilian who spits on me in the streets and it would even be satisfying. I could hit back the Senators who think of clones as easy targets. Or - I can aim my sights at who’s on top. And I think you know who I mean, because you know as well as I do the same damn man has ruined both our lives.”
Kenobi makes an alarmed noise, and Maul an interested one - not that Fox is going to let him walk out of this place awake. Still, he tilts his head in a way he hopes conveys his helmeted grin successfully to non-vod, as well as the bloodlust behind it. “You’re also welcome for the fact that the Chancellor won’t have heard of your spontaneous resurrection yet, by the way. You’ll retain your element of surprise instead of gambling it away on petty revenge on Kenobi.”
“He cut me in half!”
“He killed my master!”
Fox waves their protests away.
“Also, that’s treason!”, Kenobi adds, sputtering. Fox grins. Kenobi purses his lips, and continues. petulantly, “…do you have any proof?”
“So. Much. Proof”, says Nuisance, dreamily. “Like, do you want it alphabetically or by date?”
Which is when the Duchess, of all people, bursts out into barking, crazed laughter.
“You - you’ve certainly given yourself an edge in that fight, Marshall Commander”, she wheezes, brushing tears from her eyes. Fox raises his eyebrows at her, which she somehow seems to be able to tell, because she gestures at the clunky handle dangling from his belt.
“What, this old thing?” He unclasps the black rectangle from its hook, holding it up in the air. Maul stills strangely beneath him, and Kenobi goes ghostly pale again. Fox is starting to get a bad feeling.
“I took it off Viszla and beat him over the head with it. I figured he’d taken it off a Jedi cadet or something. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
#sw tcw fic idea#commander fox#sergeant hound#obi wan kenobi#satine kryze#darth maul#savage oppress#corrie oc nuisance#corrie oc grids#corrie guard deserves better#darth maul deserves… murder?#fox does not find the revelation that he is technically mand’alor very funny. unfortunately everyone else does#sw equivalent of taking deadbeat relatives (mandalorians) to court (becoming their spiritual and somewhat legal sovereign) for child suppor#(recognizing their sentience)#oh the poetic irony of jango fett’s least willing and most feral clone succeeding him#the only person who hates it more than he would is fox#cody is on thin ice. why fox wants to bum it off on him? well he’d do an okay job probably and it would be funny#but back to darth maul yes i’m making fox collect all darksiders#seduced to the sort of light side by goverment coups and political assassination#they might even become ‘friends’ some day if friends means reluctant allies of convenience who sometimes try to tear eachothers throats out#maul may have a bit of a crush#so does savage#hey chat is tasing someone a good wooing tactic? asks grids#grids my love#one of these days i will write out a full introduction scene for my girl even though i’ve spoiled her full name in tags#yeah i’m definitely messing up this cw arc but consider: i don’t care#fs in the chat for obi wan kenobi who’s having possibly the worst day of everyone in this#and he’s not even the one whose sister made him a political prisoner and then tried to kill him by association#will kal skirata be first in line to back fox for mand’alor? maybe. will the nulls bring him the separatist councils heads in bags?#duh
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A brooding Marshal
No shirt I needed a reason to practice drawing the tattoos
#my art#horizon forbidden west#art#illustration#kotallo#hfw kotallo#dramatic lighting#if you recognize the pose it's because atsv Miguel O'Hara has a permanent place in my reference photo folder#lavabean art#art gremlin emerging from her well to throw pictures at mankind again
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Thinking about the CFAU and marveling at how much Danny and Jason care for one another. Does anybody else figure out that Danny is going to kill the Joker, or is that knowledge Jason exclusive? I can't see Danny being close enough to any other Batfam member to disclose his plans, but I wonder if he drops hints. They're a family of paranoid detectives. I'd be surprised if they don't figure out Danny has a PURPOSE for being in Gotham at some point. Whether Danny's able to disguise it as wanting to be closer to Jason or not is another burning question.
Its def Red Hood exclusive! You're right in that Danny isn't close enough to disclose his revenge plot to any of the batfam members -- hell, not even Sam and Tucker know his true motives for returning to Gotham, and they're his best friends right after Jason! And Red Hood knows only because Danny accidentally slipped up ;].
I do also think that the Waynes kinda think something might be up with Danny -- at least Dick and/or Bruce might since they're the only ones who actually know him beyond brief mentions of him. Tim knows about him due to his stalking, but doesn't really know him -- and Danny plans to keep a healthy, friendly distance from the family so he can carry out his plans.
It's not that he holds any dislike towards them -- quite the opposite. He appreciates what they do for Gotham and recognizes the hard work that goes into keeping their Rogues Gallery at bay (even if he is bitter about Joker, but there's an obvious reason for that) -- but, well. He knows they're the vigilantes, he doesn't want to risk them sniffing out his murder plot before he can even go through with it.
Luckily for him he can excuse any distance he puts between them as just being busy with life and trying to settle in, and they're not close enough to him anymore to find it suspicious. I do think they figure out he's back in Gotham for a reason, Danny's not going to exactly hide the fact that he's back to find some kind of closure -- but what that closure is?
I think the only person who might suspect something sinister going on would be Bruce, who saw the sinking rage in Danny's eyes at the funeral -- it was part of the reason he didn't tell him who killed Jason (beyond secret identity reasons). But that depends on whether or not Danny reveals some of his hand, and the fact that he was still holding onto that rage (somewhat unwillingly) all this time.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#cfau#childhood friends au#cfau danny#dpxdc crossover#danny's kept this deep-seeded hatred close to his chest for years. he's so close to his goal he's more careful than ever. he's under the#watchful eyes of his home city and the even more watchful eyes of her knights. he can't make any mistakes here -- not after the last one#with red hood. every step he takes going forward must be a cautious one so he doesn't draw the light of the batsignal.#also! funnily enough danny doesn't blame bruce for jason's death. sure they had a fight but he's not the one who sold him out to the joker#he's not the one who beat him to death. who blew him up. he's bitter over the fact that bruce withheld the identity of his murderer from hi#but even he can recognize the need to protect one's secret identity so he doesn't hold it against him that much. he's bitter over the lack#of action against the joker but that's a personal vendetta and again he recognizes how hard it is to be a hero. he would never ask bruce to#kill the Joker. he recognizes the fact that a hero cannot play judge jury or executioner and he respects Bruce's adherence to his moral cod#he knows it must be hard and he agrees that batman shouldn't kill. ever. bc if the batman kills the joker what's stopping him from killing#the common criminal? its a level of self-restraint and self-awareness that all heroes must have. and he genuinely respects bruce for it#if someone wants the joker dead that bad they can go and do the deed themself -- that's what HE'S doing. danny recognizes that his revenge#is wholly selfish in nature. it is closure for him and jason and him and jason only. its not good its not righteous its murder and danny#has come to terms with it.
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You know, one thing I haven't seen any Ratiorine fans take advantage of is that Aventurine is very specifically inspired by the Turkish Romani population, while Ratio clearly has Greek/Roman influence--both countries with long and often complicated histories with Turkey.
Everyone craving those sci-fi AUs, but where are my historical AUs at?
Where are all the "We come from rival nations but still found each other!" Romeo and Juliet-level dramas???
Where are all my period pieces with the fall of the Byzantine Empire for background flavor???
Where are all my "I am but a traveling scholar," "You're more like a fish out of water, friend!" strangers-to-lovers riding off into the desert sunset stories???
Come on, help a girl out!
#honkai star rail#aventurine#dr. ratio#ratiorine#aventio#I'm just saying#I'd love to see a modern AU#that recognizes Aventurine's specifically Turkish influences#particularly in light of Ratio being prototypical Greek/Roman Classical scholar lol#some people read history books for school#I read them with a fandom lens on#🤣🤣🤣
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#i have discovered the gender#made this in light of recognizing myself as a nonbinary man <3#lgbtqtext#lgbtq text#animated text#word art#rainbow#multicolor#gender#gender identity#trans#trans pride#trans positivity#transgender#transgender pride#transgender positivity#nonbinary#nonbinary pride#nonbinary positivity#lgbtq#lgbtq pride#lgbtq positivity#queer#queer pride#queer positivity
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#mdzs#jin guangyao#nieyao#xiyao#uhhh tbh i dont go here#because im in the rare position of being a jiggy apologist without being a jiggy stan#brain cells all taken up by jiang cheng stannery. but i can logically recognize that jiggy is not a cackling villain#victim of his circumstances. did his best with the shitty hand he was dealt. wei wuxian's narrative parallel. also a kickass xiandu#so in light of this i cant actually accurately describe the taxonomies of jiggy stans. sorry for misrepresenting your community#we are allies tho. comrades in arms. in this bitter battle against the anti army#also jin guangshan should krill he elf#yanyan polls
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bring him home
rating: t ♥️ cw: Eddie in the Upside Down,; Steve on what he thinks is a retrieval mission for his body (it's not); Eddie Munson Lives; Kas!Eddie (ish) ♥️ tags: established relationship, secret pre-S4 relationship, post-S4, presumed dead (Eddie), mourning and heartbreak (Steve), happy ending (because Eddie is alive, ofc), soul-deep love
for @steddielovemonth day twenty-four: Love is the only thing we can take with us (@thefreakandthehair)
oh hey look, another day I didn't intend to write at all ♥️ but then @pearynice was intrigued by a stray half-baked idea and I struggle to not at least try to provide content in such instances ♥️
He’s only thought it since, since, but he’s actually kind of grateful no one knew. That no one could even have guessed. They’re on eggshells around him enough as it is, thinking it’s the loss, finally, that he couldn’t walk them back from, couldn’t recover them allfrom safe if not wholly sound. They think he’s dealing with survivor’s guilt or just the general blow of a failure so immense, maybe long overdue: and that’s probably part of it.
But only because it’s part of the bigger thing. The real loss.
They would have been together nearly ten fucking months, y’know; the better part of a whole goddamn year since that day at the mall, eyes catching and something just…clicking. Like the barest whisper breathing this could be something into the universe for them to catch if they wanted, and for all that’s still good in the world they both wanted, beyond any kind of logic they both fucking reached.
And Steve knows he’s worrying everyone, knows Joyce cooks for him because she’s sacred for him, knows Claudia bakes for the very same reason; he knows Robin’s gone back to biting her nails over him, and he hates that, he hates it but, like: Steve feels like he left his soul in that hellscape with the man he’d wrapped up in it; knows he left his heart there, because he gave it to that same man ages ago and never ever considered taking it back—and he’s kind of just a, a shell, now, and it’s good that they all think Steve’s just fucked up over the lost, over-inflated savior complex, Rob had muttered more than once and sure, fine—let them think that’s all it is.
It means he can plan without interference.
It means he can drive to the last oozing rift in the world with axes he found in the garage, a crowbar he grabbed at The War Zone—which he knows because he found a receipt, not because he can remember going, driving, paying; he fucking can’t—a fucking tire lift that he things is better suited to trucks than his Beemer but that’s why he needs it: he need to rip open the earth beneath his feet because maybe his heart died down there with the boy he loves in ways he didn’t know he could, not until he found those reserves of feeling inside him well up for the fact of him and maybe it’s too later for his heart, and maybe his soul’s locked in as a funeral shroud but godadmn it all—
Steve needs to bring Eddie’s body home.
Dropping through he fissure in the ground is second nature, like something calling him through the break and that feel right, because the Upside Down for what it is alone is somewhere Steve never wants to be, never wants to touch: but what it holds now what it stole from him and claimed and kept: Steve wants that back beside him, it doesn’t matter how. Cold, torn, broken, gone—Steve’s already those things himself. Now he’s just a raw nerve, but if that nerve could go numb, could freeze for so much pain, so much abuse and hurt. He feels more for the knowledge of how much things should destroy him; he thinks his body is more of an echo chamber, a void that moves but isn’t…there anymore.
Is here, because he left the best of him, the whole of him here, and he—it creaks in his knees when he hits the ground on the other side, shoots up his spine from the bones of him on contact; it should hurt, it should hurt but he can’t feel so much, and he needs to get his bearings, needs to orient, needs to figure where he is and the quickest way to Forest Hills, to where Eddie—
He can’t feel shit when he’s got a purpose, here: the first he’s had in weeks.
He moves to stand, gets to his feet at—
It’s unexpected, how much he feels the impact that knocks him back down, the weight that pushes him to the ground again and covers him, snarls at him, breathes hot and violent against his jaw, against his neck, and Steve—
Steve’ll die here, that’s clear from the hiss above him, the way he’s pinned like prey, like a meal, and the only thought he really has, in all honesty, is he’ll die here.
But he already died here, so it just feels kinda anticlimactic.
The panting against him keeps up, but it…it doesn’t go anywhere, it doesn’t become other, or more—there’s no teeth, no clawing or biting or ripping him apart, draining him dry. He doesn’t think he was afraid for any of it, exactly; his heart’s pounding but it feels distant, other and something far from him, disconnected: not a part of his shell-self, so he thinks that’s just ingrained, just an automatic response to a demo-something, probably, sizing up its meal but like, it’s not doing anything and Steve, Steve doesn’t…he’s not invested, exactly, he doesn’t even think he cares, but—
He squints his eyes open the barest crack where he’d instinctively squeezed them shut and he looks, expects the toothy petals, or even a veiny body; he looks and—
“Eddie?”
Oh, good. Heart, soul: may as well add losing his fucking mind to this place, too, third time’s a goddamn charm.
Because it’s not Eddie, it can’t be…it can’t be Eddie, and—
Not-Eddie leans into him, presses onto him full-bodied, hips to chest, thighs spread to hold him down like he’s going anywhere because, because…
Steve feels that. He feels the pressure, he feels pain where this body drags against scrapes in Steve’s skin, he feels his heart pounding, Jesus fucking Christ, that fucking hurts, but he looks at the face that’s looming over him, tipped to the side like it’s asking a question, like it’s considering Steve below, and it: the bones are sharper, the skin more pale, more drawn up tight and pulled—the eyes are red, bright like when the lighting cuts the sky, here, but everything else…
“Eddie, oh god,” Steve doesn’t want to question it, Steve doesn’t want to keep his mind if the alternative is moments with some version of Eddie whose breath he can feel again, it’s, he’s;
“Eds,” he chokes, and Eddie’s got him wholly pinned down, he can’t reach for Eddie’s face to cup it, to cradle it, so he lets his breath catch, his lungs hitch, lets the tears burn on their way from his eyes in streams as he twitches his fingers, stretches the tips to brush Eddie’s palm where he holds Steve down and—
Eddie stills, and his eyes narrow, and…
And if Steve has to die here, again: let it be at Eddie’s hands. Let it be maybe for Eddie’s…benefit, he’s wellbeing, however he survives here. Let it be for Eddie.
Always for Eddie.
But then Eddie: Eddie doesn’t let him up, still lean into Steve from the middle, but—he buries his head at Steve’s neck, and breathes in so deep, Steve gets to close his eyes and soak in the feeling of his chest rising into Steve’s own: strong.
Real.
“Known,” Eddie murmurs, shakes his head like he’s trying to shoo a fly, but then a shiver trembles through the whole of him, Steve can trace its trajectory where Eddie’s held against him, and then Eddie growls—it’s not a wholly new sound but it’s deeper, more animal in it than Steve’s ever heard and then he bites out through bared teeth: “Known.”
Then he draws back from Steve’s neck, studies him shrewdly, a little hesitant, like he’s unsure of whatever’s happening to him, in him: then he nods, chews at his lower lip in a painfully familiar move before his hands leave Steve’s wrists and he’s—
“Known.”
He’s tracing Steve’s cheekbones, the line of his jaw; he’s running his nose against the slope of Steve’s, he’s…it’s like he’s tracing him, and he does it so gentle, he almost like he anticipates it, he’s—
“Known,” and Eddie’s fucking…it’s not a growl this time but somehow whatever it is, is deeper, stronger, and he mouths at Steve’s neck again but instead of breathing him in, he’s sucking at the lines of his arteries down the sides, up and down, and then he follows the blood to the sounds, groans at a pitch Steve’s never heard before but it’s still, it’s sill Eddie, and—
“Hurt?” Eddie mouths at his chest through the layers of his clothes, sounds mournful, stills as he considers something, intent with it before his head pops up, those red eyes so wide and aching as his hands tap against Steve’s arms, frantic and—
Oh.
Oh; they’re tapping out Steve’s heartbeats to every racing clench-give echoing through his ribs and Eddie moans, almost wails, then—
“Hurt,” and he looks frantic, his eyes wild, and his mouth dropped open, bereft and seeking and oh, oh: Eddie thinks his heart’s pounding because he’s hurt, because he’s in pain and kinda, a little bit but not like that and—
“No,” Steve’s quick to try and soothe, even if his voice is barely a rasp; “no, no,” and his wrists are free to he reaches, covers Eddie’s hands and links their fingers together, feels something in him reanimate, come straight back into being just for that touch, and that it’s warm:
“Happy,” Steve gasps, and squeezes Eddie’s hands with force, with feeling; “happy, to see you,” and he closes his eyes in something like relief when Eddie’s mouth stills against his chest again; sighs when Eddie nuzzles there, like he always did, like he belongs because he always belongs.
“So fucking happy,” Steve breathes, and he feels weightless; wonders if he died. If he hit the ground and snapped his neck. If the impact was a monster and not the love of his life, somehow saved from ruin just to save Steve back in kind.
“Mine,” Eddie whispers, a little bit of a hiss for the feeling in it, the intensity sewn in as he mouths around the beat of Steve’s blood: that’s what he means. That’s his, that and everything it powers, everything it lends life.
His.
He pulls back, and Steve bites back a whimper for the loss before Eddie’s eyes find his and he looks…he looks lost, then, grasping, in need as he almost begs, like the answer is the end of all things:
“Mine?”
He lifts one of their joined hands—he doesn’t disentangle them, and fuck if Steve’s ever letting go—but he lifts them to Steve’s chest and holds there, presses down and looks pointedly at the way his palm covers Steve’s heart, looks up in askance, up and down, there and back over and again, more desperate every time and Steve tightens his fingers around Eddie’s and nods, just nods because his voice is gone, his throat’s too tight, he’s—
But Eddie sees it. Eddie understands because Eddie…
Eddie always understands what Steve can’t say.
“Mine,” he exhales like it’s the answer to the universe, like it’s proof of god and the devil, like it’s more than air to breathe and Steve’s…
Steve doesn’t even know what he is. Except: he’s alive.
He died before he left here last time, and now somehow he’s alive. “Known, s’known,” Eddie mutters, shakes his head slow and pins his gaze on different parts go Steve’s body, touches and looks up to Steve like it serves as confirmation just to meet his gaze, to watch him blink; “know, know,” and Eddie bends again, mouths at his chest and inhales sharp as he rips out, almost feral: “mine,” and then something in him gives, and he falls to Steve’s chest and Steve’s heart skips, the terror in him tangible, but he throws out his hands, lets Eddie’s grasp go to hold Eddie up and Eddie panting, gasping, something has to be wrong—
“St,” Eddie’s voice is sandpaper rough, but…but full somehow and Steve can’t name what it is, save that it makes him feel warm, from the inside, in a way he’d thought was gone forever. It prickles at his eyes and he doesn’t fight the tears:
“Ste,” Eddie coughs a little, and then he looks up, brow furrowed and muscles tight as he locks his eyes on Steve’s and grits out:
“Steve?”
And those eyes: those eyes meet Steve’s now—color in them, that depthless nightshade, drenched in that deep warm chocolate shade: Steve’s breath catches. His heartbeat skips again, but wholly different, and it looks, it feels like a weight’s been lifted; a spell’s been broken. And somehow, somehow even before anything shifted, somehow Eddie, his Eddie, he—
Whatever’s happened, whatever’s been done to him: somehow, deeper than any of it, he kept the love.
“Steve.”
Eddie’s voice shakes and he drops his weight again but this time when he presses against Steve it’s to wrap him close, to hold him a little clumsy, a whole lot desperate, and it…it feels like maybe Steve’s soul where it’s wrapped around Eddie? Like maybe he gets a little bit of it back; like maybe he can inhale and it could mean something again.
Eddie only draws back to tuck his head under Steve’s chin, to dip lower and put his lips to the center of Steve’s chest, to breathe there, like life into the heart of him again and fuck, but he feels it.
He kinda doesn’t need to know anything more, doesn’t need to have any more answers to know whatever this is, whatever Eddie needs: they’ll figure it out. Eddie’s lips are on his chest. His heart’s a mallet against Eddie’s mouth, beats up into the warm rush of his breath: there. Real.
Steve feels it.
also on ao3 🖤
tag list (comment to be added): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson
♥️
divider credit here
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#hurt/comfort#established relationship#kas!eddie#established steddie#pre-S4 relationship#presumed dead#(but obviously NOT)#happy ending#steve mounts a one-man rescue/retrieval mission because he's heartbroken#eddie recognizes the love of his life because in light of everything he HELD ONTO THAT LOVE#steddielovemonth#love is the only thing we can take with us#stranger things
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How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#christian horner#for the blacklists#I recognize that christian horner in a gifset is NOT the kind of content people in ricnation are looking for rn#debated posting this but fuck it#me 🤝🏼 daniel: two bitches that love a depressing song lyric#it's about breaking free from a toxic relationship and the importance of prioritizing one's own needs#and that it can take a long time to recognize the dynamics at play in those relationships#and removing yourself from that situation can be just as hard and that just kind of epitomizes daniel with christian for me#in the return to rbr I think daniel trusted that CH would at the very least be straight forward and upfront with him#even if the end result wasn't what daniel wanted or hoped for#daniel could handle not getting the rbr seat#but something he couldn't handle was the truth that the one person he believed he could trust was gaslighting him and using him#and daniel had a light bulb moment - the point where you realize that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away#and so he got out#also this is obviously my interpretation of a relationship that I have zero insider info on and maybe they are chill now#as always…thinking too deeply about people I don’t know in the tags#also i recognize that this song is actually about a tiktok hype house but whatever rbr are that immature so it fits#this is my first go with this type of editing in PS so if you have any tips on style and execution i'm all ears#Apparently i also owe CH an apology bc i was so sure he didn't shake daniel's hand pre-race in singapore but he actually did and i missed i#during the breakdown i was having anyway fuck him still
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