#life's been... horrible lately
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The Bike
You know what's up. Part five over at my patreon. :3
#wolfwood lives au#trigun#nicholas d. wolfwood#vashwood#las!art#i'm so sorry everything is taking me so long#life's been... horrible lately
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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🐶 Y'know, I fall in love with you all over again when we go on dates like this, Max.
🐰 You're getting a pass for that awful pun because you're the prettiest thing this side a' the world, Sam.
🐶 What can I say? I'm as corny as Kansas in August.
🐰 And as normal as blueberry pie.
#I had such a nice time making this it was very cathartic :] I’ve been having a really horrible time lately and this was-#a way to relieve my brain at least a little#sam and max#freelance husbands#furry art#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#digital art#original#finished#also do not tag as genderbend or like terms I just love sam crossdressing don't worry about it#a wonderful guy tex beneke#and if you've gotten this far in the tags I'll get a little sappy: I've gotten a monumental uptick in interest in my work the past week or-#-so and it's really meant so much to me. I've been making and posting art on this blog for. God it's been Years and I'm a nobody#but lately I've been given such affection for my pieces and I can't believe it still. I don't know if I deserve it but I am keeping it-#-very close to my heart. a sincere and genuine thank you for making truly the hardest time in my life to date bearable again.#I've been debating if I should just give up and this gives me hope to at least try for a little while longer 🩷 okay sorry for the sap
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Everything has been so pathetically genuinely terribly cringe to me lately, to the point where I don't get joy out of anything anymore, but I'm trying
I'm aware enough to know that this is a side effect of severe depression and stagnance and mundaneity and generally being sick of being alive and hating everything for it
#but I swear to God the older I get#The less I remember the majority of people being this embarrassing and inducing#And this is coming from someone that is horribly immature and eccentric themselves at least in terms of their joys in life#it might just be self projected self-loathing#but I haven't been able to enjoy looking at anyone stuff lately#It's all pointless self-indulgent and frankly just immature#Even posting my own thoughts is making me feel embarrassed because I know doubted the core at this point that I don't matter#and that even posting about how I don't matter is a state of immaturity#I feel like I've been an adult in America for too long and I've been using social media for too long and I'm just sick and bored of the way#that people and things are in general and the way that people think and see others and my placement in it especially#It's all become very embarrassing and stupid for me personally to observe and unfortunately be a part of whether I like it or not
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Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.
I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!
I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!
#I know I’ve been kind of quiet in general lately too apologies for that#gonna be honest and life has been pretty rough lately#general TW I reference death below#two incidents happened a few months ago regarding almost losing brother and losing a cousin to horrible situations#and it’s really been very difficult to deal with and has brought on a lot of haze and mental dullness or inability to focus#and tbh even months later it’s still been very difficult#it’s why I’ve probably come across as closed off or absent these last few months#so just explaining that#I’m still overcoming it but I believe I’m doing better now#I have been unable to mentally pull myself together enough to successfully create any content like fics or art#though I’m trying very hard#it is getting easier too. I have written a lot more on vacation than I’ve mana fed to write in a long time#I still love and appreciate PLA and submas so so much that just hasn’t been able to manifest in content creation lately#but it has manifested in buying merch haha#when I get home I may just show my collection#I am still alive in this fandom#if you’ve read this far thank you#and thank you for sticking around while I’ve been quiet!!
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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Hey, wanted to ask where the last gifs you reposted (Alex frolicking on the beach) are from ?
Thank you :)
hii 💗
i’m assuming you mean this post? unfortunately i don’t know where the gifs are from either, but i’d also love to know - if anyone can help out please do! 🙏
he’s such a little cutie pie 🥺
#sorry i’m a little late replying to this!#life has been a lot and i’ve been juggling a horrible chronic pain flare/illness/having to travel#so i’m a bit behind on all my asks and messages rn#but i appreciate them all so much and will get to them asap!#i always love hearing from and chatting to people here#truly one of my favourite things about this little space 🫶#asks#alex turner
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Rio day!!!
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#rio mason busujima#dice arisugawa#riodice#feels like forever since i drew anything even though it's only been almost 2 months... man#actually was gonna give up on this at first because my focus was shot due to shitty life events but somehow i finished it. waow#i love rice i miss them sm... they would never ever do this but i still wish ARB gave Dice some birthday lines on Rio's bday#actually it would be nice if hypmic did literally anything with their relationship. cmon the last good thing was the MTCvFP stage#and the 2nd DRB manga chapters i guess but that's just them fighting. i want new material of them being besties :(#oh and we did get some crumbs in hypani S2 as well. but main canon really dgaf about them anymore#anyway . HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIOOO <3 <3 <3#(it's already Hifumi day in Japan but. it's the 21st where i live so let's pretend i'm not horribly late)#7-7-cherry drawingz
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"average person creates 3 new AUs per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person makes 0 AUs per year. Alternate Universes Catie, who lives in cave & makes over 2 each month, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
#i think about how many ive made this year and i feel a bit woozy#its so funny bcs ive always been weirdly staunch abt not making AUs for my own characters#<- just bcs i wanna establish them and putting them in different AUs makes it a bit less stable so#and them i start drawing fanart for the first time in my life and go absolutely nuts#let me think hmm i think ive made 8 or so this year 🤔#not all of them have art yet but they do haunt me#like also does it count if you make offshoots of your own AUs 😭#i have too many thoughts ;;;;;#also i think its just bcs i really crave learning new info#and ive learned *a lot* about f1 so its fun to make AUs by learning more abt smth else and then combining them#like hmm how do these real world events fit into early 18th century europe JSKFKGLLVLV#actually i *do* live in cave. me and my dark bedroom 🤧#if you stay on my blog you WILL get a history or culture lesson abt some inane thing#catie.rambling.txt#*i need to start putting 'scheduled' in the tags of posts so you guys dont get a horrible perception of my sleep schedule#well it is horrible. but not horrible enough that im staying up *too* late
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Dreamt I was eating the most delicious plate of gyoza anyone had ever had and then I woke up heartbroken that I was not in fact eating it. Went back to sleep and dreamt it was cheese day and it was 40% off all cheese anywhere and dream me was like Wow. 40% off all cheese anywhere.
#40% sale isnt even that exciting cmon. also im not actually that crazy a cheese person so#regardless#ive been prone to having super horrible nightmares throughout my life but this thing lately where i just dream im eating something delicious#and then wake up and theres nothing delicious is worse bc now im just disappointed and hungry
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80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.
#SORRY this is such a random thing to be posting about and I guess it's a vent post haha#I suppose I've just been feeling a lot of... dread and fear lately... especially in the late hours...#''Lately'' as in on and off for most of my life but *a lot* as of the past few months#Like#Oh it's weirdly embarrassing to talk about this here it's a tad personal uh **tw (discussions of) death#But do you ever just feel paralyzed by the knowledge that one day you'll be 40? Or 60? Or 80? If you're lucky!#I worry a lot about wasting my life#I worry a lot about dying an unpleasant death#Or a painful one#I suppose I've always been gerascophobic...#But finishing school and turning 23 and not having a job and having just a hard time with my physical health lately...#I haven't been great I guess#I just feel like time has been moving so quickly lately!!!#And I've been going nowhere.#:0 not to be too much of a bummer y'all I'm not like feeling horrible rn or anything but I do need to vent I think#Cause if not it just stays coiled up inside of me.#*gah* I should channel all of this energy into Glenn in my pirate fic lol#😌 he's insecure (in part) cause he feels old#🥲 ough and I don't feel amazing about that most recent chapter but I guess that's a whole new vent#working on some different stuff for a bit.#ANYWAYS#I hope whoever happens to be reading this is having a good night ✨️#oh or day if it's day for you lol
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a view from the Tañon strait :) and also my desk, since this is a desk post lmao
Cleopatra 1963 was on TV last night and ohhhhhh my god Richard Burton’s Mark Antony is everything to me for real. I wrote an Antony comic a million years ago, junked it because I don’t care about him, but I’m not immune to Richard Burton’s Antony in love and despair. like, I was frantically writing scenes in my notebook during commercial break, I was on Twitter talking about how much I love this film, etc. unparalleled. show stopping.
in other news, Trikaranos ch 1 should be up sometime this month or at the start of the next! I also have some Italian renaissance comics I want to knock out of my WIP folder. low key kind of thinking of turning the DMBJ au into a little side project for when I get tired of thinking about the implications of Roman coins and taxes or whatever, but I’ll probably attempt that as a combination of rough pencil comics and prose if I do it because it would strictly be For Fun 🤔 we’ll see! there’s some original comic stuff I want to tackle before the end of the year too. augh. the passage of time
#desk posting#who has that comic about how the world is fucking terrible. and you’re like. making comics. been really feeling it lately#like nothing is enough the political leaders of the world are a horrible and on top of everything else. I’m making comics???#I was taking to a friend about it and it’s like. well. that’s how life goes. the contradicting multitudes of existence#anyway. I’m making suman and then hot chocolate before I get started on work for the day. wahoo.#also! a little peak inside my studies sketchbook! and my beloved Mitsubishi pencil that is rapidly getting shorter lmao#I quit using mechanical pencils last fall and I’m having a blast#no real reason I just prefer the feeling of pencils that require sharpening
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"How she came to be" (end of intro comic but horribly made) - 7/5/2024 - ⛧Red Room Studi0⛧
I REALLY wanted to make other fun comics but I knew i had to introduce how she came to be in Jon's life. So I hope ya'll don't mind the horribly drawn and rushed comic of the end if the intro. I have some really fun comics in mind, the next one is probably gonna be another side comic. :]
#red room studi0's art#garfield#digital art#jon arbuckle#comic#horribly made comic#garfposting#also work has been kicking my ass lately i hate my work life
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I had a dream that Legal Eagle had a son around my age and we started dating and then Legal Eagle made a video about it and everyone was like why are you just making your son's relationship everyone's business and it was sort of awkward because I was like. I mean I don't really mind... I'm sorry Legal Eagle I hope they don't cancel you....
#Me having a boyfriend was secondary to the Legal Eagle plot of my dream#I think it's just cuz I am actually sort of mad at him in real life for making a vid with Dr Mike#Who I used to really like but he's been really horrible with his Israel apologism lately
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Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them
this is one of my favorite asks and i love you
#nobody will ever stop me from getting excited about things i like#i just always feel like i'm not allowed to share that excitement with anybody directly because of being made fun of in the past#or like i at least have to tone it down by like 99% and make it very brief#because of fear of rejection so i keep it to myself contained in my own space#sometimes i really wanna talk about my favorite things with somebody but i'm like#'nobody knows or cares about this. what if i send something and they hate it and tell me it's horrible'#(a reaction i've been the most used to. either that or just silence)#and i wouldn't know who would actually be interested or if i would be putting them in a situation#where they're not interested at all but they're too nice to say it and then i feel annoying if i keep talking about it#because now even if it isn't SAID that they hate it i still always feel like people are thinking that behind it all#so like if somebody came at me right now telling me everything i like is horrible#that itself wouldn't really bother me because i could just block and continue life without a second thought about that person specifically#because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up#delete/block. not taking it personally and not worth thinking about#but it's the anxiety built up from it happening for so long and so consistently from so many people and some that i used to be close to#that now it feels to me that everybody feels that way even if i know LOGICALLY that it isn't true. the feeling is still there#it's one of the long-term effects that are so hard to get rid of once they're set#this is just another thing about myself to work on for probably my entire life#but russ has been helping me with so much lately it's unbelievable
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it's so funny when you obsess and worry over something that, to you, seems like the absolute BIGGEST DEAL IN THE WORLD, when in reality absolutely nobody cares and it's the most menial thing ever that nobody even noticed. go girl give us nothing
#og#ocd#brain prepares you for an elden ring boss and then you get there and it's animal crossing.#ive been like this my whole life like#i used to be terrified of being late to class bc ''everyone will notice and think im weird and horrible!''#and then nobody even noticed.
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