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withthewindinherfootsteps · 1 month ago

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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three

For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative

When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.

This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?

This is where we get unhinged.

Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).

To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.

This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.

In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!

Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!

Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation

Which, of course, is him dwelling on…

Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation

…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:

He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation

And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:

Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation

Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:

“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR

Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.

Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:

At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR

Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!

So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.

This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!

And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.

But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?

At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts

In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.

It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.

(Or, if an image would be preferable:)

Thank you for reading!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!

#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them #it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying #(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened #he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it #that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le #it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made #by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els #he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all #apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more #despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already #he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who #anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta #my meta #wei wuxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #魔道祖师 #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #gdc

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jerreeeeeee · 2 months ago

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i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?

#mine #taz balance #taz lup #lup #like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it #i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil #which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point #the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love #but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations #which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like #yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess #the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death #thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality #and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature #like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story #but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world #if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen #is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo #although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws #and it ties in w istus and fate as well #although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying #^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them #not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas #any ways #THERES A TAG LIMIT??

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pixelatedraindrops · 4 months ago

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A highly feverish Yuma and Makoto 🌡️ (39.05 c)

This was an art trade I received from BBQchap0 on twitter ✨

Small Rambling below

original and copy, same body, same mind, same frail immune system (they often get sick at the same time)

The 2 worlds greatest minds are going to have to take some time off working today. They’ve unfortunately both been afflicted by a sudden spiking fever and can hardly move. As they lay in bed, fatigued, aching, and sweating through their clothes, they could only struggle to try to help themselves.

This is such an attractive piece. I think I’m in love...

I could go on about this but, I'm literally about to combust 😳💦

In shorter words:

This is the most lovely art trade I have ever gotten and one of the most gorgeous pieces of art I've ever gotten in my entire life.

I cannot praise it enough, this belongs in a legit art gallery... I'm so honored to have gotten something this pretty I could cry...

💕💦(┬┬﹏┬┬) 💦💕

HOW did they make these disheveled sick boys look so BEAUTIFUL??? I can legit FEEL their struggle, its too good I could die

What a vision…makoto's uninterested yet tired expression...yuma with the thermometer in his mouth as his clone weakly assists him...and those glorious skin flush tints of red and pink coupled with the beads of sweat and messy hair…

AND THOSE COLORS…

Yeah. I’m not normal 🫠

Its…perfection

#whumpcode #not mine #art made for me #rain code #rain code spoilers #yuma kokohead #makoto kagutsuchi #makoyuma #illness whump #fever whump #also no im not back i just wanted to share #I don’t often say this about an art piece #but this is DELICIOUS i want to devour this #now this is a 5 star meal right here #first time art makes me feel some kinda way o///o #its that powerful and I cannot AVERT MY GAZE FROM IT #I AM ATTRACTED TO THIS ARTWORK #NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN SUCH BEAUTY #TRULY A SPECTACLE OF THE AGES #I cannot get over it #i am very normal about this image #and the artist says they don’t mind trading w me again sometime #WITH QUALITY LIKE THIS SIGN ME TF UP #tho my art is scrap compared to this majesty #it almost feels unfair… 😅#i am not worthy of this kind of art help #this piece is incredible and should be seen by everyone

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time-to-write-and-suffer · 7 months ago

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Ugh everyone dunking on Steven are soooo cringe 🙄

Shane and Ryan are grown men who stood by this decision, so please dunk on them too lmao.

#watcher #sorry i think it's funny to dunk on steven and his tesla and expensive lifestyle and finance bro ways #i just think it's unfair to forget that they let him do that!!! they looked at that and went 'yeah i'll stand behind that'#so #let's dole out the dunking accordingly #but i do get why ppl hone in on steven specifically because like #the optics of going 'we're strapped for cash!!! anyway here's our new show about me traveling all over the world and eating gold!'#are not great good buddy ol' pal #they are in fact EXTREMELY hilarious #to be clear i'm not saying go and harass them #and in fact most that i've seen are people making the same sorts of gold-flake tesla jokes which i think are understandable #considering the aforementioned optics #i just think people hand-wringing over all the 'hate' steven gets are forgetting that he's living a life 90% of his audience can't afford #*because* of his audience #ALREADY #ya dig??

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shorthaltsjester · 1 year ago

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i do not want to dig a hole but i am too much of a laura bailey pc enjoyer to not make this post so:

selfishness ≠ a lack of kindness

selfishness is a theme that has come up with all of laura's main campaign pcs. that doesn't mean that her characters are always making selfish choices or that they don't care about the rest of the people they're with or that they're not good. it's just that, for the most part, the first thing they're thinking of when they take action or make choices is themselves.

in jester and vex both it is more typical and obvious selfishness. vex's developed because she needed it to keep herself and vax alive and as safe as possible and it grew into a behaviour that she had to actively work to avoid. it's evident in her greed, her theft of the broom, her reaction to her own death which relied heavily on i'm okay/i survived to which keyleth reminded her that she wasn't the only one who had to witness and reckon with her death. in jester's case, she grew up in an environment that literally trained her to make every decision based on two things - her mother's opinion and her own. so, when she's out in the world without marion for the first time, her choices are those that will benefit her and her actions are those that consider her own thoughts and not really many others' (aside from the traveler's).

it isn't a criticism of either vex or jester to say that they are characters who act selfishly. in fact, i'd argue that to claim otherwise does a great disservice to exactly how immense both of their character arcs are. because the nuance of both jester and vex is that they are selfish, and they also hold extreme room for self-sacrifice and empathy. vex is much more brash than jester is, and jester is much more trusting than vex, but both of them are characters who begin with selfish impulses who grow with them. neither ever truly shed those impulses, but they use them in new ways, typically transforming them into impulses towards things that are in the best interest of the party.

you may have noticed the lack of imogen in this post about laura bailey pcs and that's because of two reasons. one, we are an unknown amount of time into her story, i can't analyse her development the same way i can vex and jester's. two, imogen's selfishness isn't the blatant quasi-self-aware selfishness that we see in things like jester complaining about her lack of money to caleb or vex stealing a broom. instead, imogen's is very internal, like a lot of laura's character work with imogen. it is a bit similar to jester’s in the sense that it comes from a lack of awareness moreso than vex’s practiced behaviour, but imogen’s is a lot more tied to inherent beliefs she has about the world and the people in it.

as a consequence of her powers, imogen sees people's thoughts as their entirety, she holds it above their actions to be the truth of who they are - to act against what they think or to say something that doesn’t cohere with what they’ve thought is akin to lying, so for her to act empathetically is to act in tandem with what someone else’s thoughts are, not how they act, which is typically not all that wanted. the same as vex’s greed and jester’s naivety, this is a trait that makes narrative sense and it’s one i find quite compelling, especially when read in the vein of someone struggling through trauma that has made them assume that the world is against them. imogen’s cynicism is coherent cynicism, i can’t say that in a similar situation i wouldn’t have the same predisposition towards the world.

the part that is particularly self-interested comes in if you look at how imogen has actually been treated in the campaign (quite well) in comparison to the cynicism that she’s developed from her past (something that speaks to a world out to get her). certainly, a bunch of shitty things have happened to imogen in the time we’ve known her, but the same can be said for everyone in bell’s hells and pretty much everyone in exandria at this point in time. but, in a fight to save the aforementioned world, imogen’s focus was getting her mother back on her side. which, while very consistent with her character and a choice that i enjoy, is a very selfish one. the fun thing (to me, obviously) about imogen is that she has, more than most, an insight into the opinions of others and she also tends to seek others’ opinions out and genuinely engages with them and supports their choices. but she still very much acts towards what she thinks is best. it’s one reason i enjoy looking at the dynamic between her and orym as one between foils, as orym tends to be stalwart in his beliefs and doesn’t care too much for other’s opinions if he’s already sure of his own, but his actions tend to favour collaboration and protecting others.

as i mentioned earlier, imogen is a harder case to look at because she is still in the process of her story. however, the circlet is clearly influencing how she interacts with the world and in the wake of the solstice, the hostile reaction towards ruidusborn people has started to become more and more apparent and i’m interested to see what route that ends up leading imogen down and how it will influence her relationship with the rest of bell’s hells. (for better, i think, based on recent conversations, but if it's for worse i will be just as seated and excited).

all of this is just to say, please stop assuming that claiming a character has a trait you think is a bad one is criticism or a hate post. in light of the fact that i know that people who don’t believe this will continue to not believe this, i’ll encourage anyone confused about the ability of a character to be good and kind and selfish all at once to look to what the text itself says, specifically scanlan’s words to pelor when asked what vex means to him:

“Her name is Vex, and she is greedy and mean sometimes, and she can steal a lot. She’s a little bit not the greatest person, but her flaws highlight everything that is right about her, which is she does all these things to protect her friends and her family. She would give her life for any of us and for anyone who was truly in need. And she’s not perfect but she’s the most perfect of all of us.”

would you look at that... an ability to be a multitude of things, some in conflict with one another. i know that's hard for fandoms to believe, especially about female characters with agency, but i promise its true!

#deeply unfair of laura to make three characters with some type of people skills and morality shaped by their loneliness #and what. i’m just supposed act like i’m normal about that?#this is me blog and i have slightly more time than usual to write nothing essays about fictional characters that haunt me #but dear god . lookin at cr characters and denying their flaws is like looking at a house and only seeing it’s doors .#if ppl demand perfection of fictional characters im genuinely curious in what media they’ve ever found that .#a single imogen post of mine broke containment and it skyrocketed my annoying phil student levels so. alas #but . if you agree that imogen had an incredibly isolating life . i will emphasize that isolation causes traits and behaviours #that aren’t just Quirky or fun or hot anger or whatever #imogen contains so much i love her so much i am bursting at the seams about it #but for some ppl. she is ur ‘girlfailure’ until someone suggests a way she might be girl failing by being selfinterested #what is the truth. do u want her to be an actual girlfailure it do u just want her to suit a . frankly tired. trope about lesbians #anyway . both text and tag rant over . goodnight #cr meta #imogen temult #vex’ahlia #vex’ahlia de rolo #jester lavorre #critical role #my posts

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gayvecchio · 7 months ago

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Frannie, you are in over your head. Meaning? Meaning, guys like him don't marry girls like you. That's fairy tale. And girls like you get hurt, and guys like him don't even know it, and that's life.

#due south #ray vecchio #francesca vecchio #benton fraser #oof the way you can see the truth of this hit ray so hard #good for frannie for saying all of this and sticking up for herself because ray was being an unfair jerk #especially since he was projecting his own fears and insecurities about losing fraser and taking it out on frannie #ray's behavior here only makes sense to me if he's acting out of jealousy #because he doesn't seem the type to get involved in his siser's love life (unless she's being harmed in some way)#and what he says about fraser directly contradicts what we know ray actually thinks about him #i can't imagine ray sees fraser as the type to 'love 'em and leave 'em for lack of a better phrase. he knows he's not like that #ray is the one in over his head and worried about being left heartbroken (and not being good enough for fraser to stick around for)#if fraser was involved with frannie; ray loses ever getting a chance with him either way whether it works out or not #if the potential relationship worked out ray would have to sit by and watch the man he loves be with his sister #and if it doesn't work out (which it likely wouldn't lbr) he loses his frienship as well because it would never be the same after #and the fact remains that fraser will likely go back to canada one day and leave ray behind #and not realize just how much it will hurt ray when he goes #AND FRASER IS LISTENING TO ALL OF THIS #HE'S JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLASS #THE PERSON RAY DREAMS ABOUT #SO CLOSE BUT STILL OUT OF REACH #i can't with them #frannie is the only brave one here i love her #ds30below

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coquelicoq · 5 months ago

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it is extremely evident to me that xiao heng has no romantic or sexual experience whatsoever. the closest he has come is his best friend the emperor being a little into him but too busy and stressed to do anything about it and it is unclear if xiao heng ever even noticed. unfortunately for bixia (and everyone else) xiao heng is a'li-sexual and a'li-sexual only. i don't even care if no one else sees it, it's clear as the nose on my face to me and that's all that matters.

#i love this guy he's only been into one person in his whole life and it was a married woman he saw on the street one time #luckily for him that married woman's husband tried and failed to murder her. so she's free now lol #this was obvious the first time through (the way he bluescreens when they're holding hands!!)#but even more so upon the rewatch #the double #my posts #ugh so i did not mean to be up this early but my neck hurts so bad from this stupid pillow that i can't fall back asleep #but i can't go home immediately because the buses don't run that frequently this early in the morning lmfao #so instead i am just filling my time thinking about the xue fangfei/xiao heng (no idea what their ship name is) dynamic #where she's the one with experience and he's just following her lead #and also being like ugh i bet the people don't see my vision #which is unfair. it's not like i've asked the people #f

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hishighnesstheprincess · 2 years ago

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You guys ever think about Gerald messing with Shadow’s memories of Maria? How we have nothing other than Shadow’s memories of Maria to know her by. Do you think he changed more than her final wish? Was she really a force of pure good like she is in his memories? Were the blemishes smoothed over, the happy times emphasized just to make Shadow feel her loss all the more sharply? A girl who’s nothing more than a ghost constructed of memories we know are faulty.

Who was Maria?

#sth #maria robotnik #shadow the hedgehog #gerald robotnik #prin posts #sonic posting #ngl kind of obsessed with the idea that the maria we see in shadows memories is the maria that gerald imagined his grand daughter to be #a shining light of pure hope and love and happiness that got unfairly snuffed out #a girl who just happened to have almost no autonomy in her life #did shadow have arguments with her that he doesnt remember? any times maria was unfair or cruel or just sick in a way that was inconvenient?#her ghost hangs over the whole story but its nothing more than an outline that we never see the details of

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grimmweepers · 2 months ago

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life comes at you so fast

#tw personal #tw death #tw cancer #not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind #cancer sucks #and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us #one moment they seem fine and the next they’re in the icu with a week left to live #he passed two nights ago #i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief #so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends #i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son #his youngest child is only 3 years old #as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff #obviously nobody wants to die in that situation #but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real #every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face #it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death #and understand how fragile life is #how REAL mortality is #it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life #sighs #life comes at you fast #sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable #i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach #sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else #yeah … i can’t really do that tonight #apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming

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rosemaryreality · 3 months ago

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One of my favorite things about Megumi is that he isn't like, your traditional tsundere, in that he's not too proud to give Itadori praise or express care for him.

Instead he puts distance between his feelings for Itadori and himself by either being really blunt and pretending what he is saying isn't a big deal (personal feelings, itadori would win, i don't want to lose anymore...even with the start saving him itadori he kept the same expression as always) or being aggressive about it (if you die I'll kill you or the fights they had because Megumi didn't want to separate).

Like, it's almost like Megumi isn't trying to hide his feelings from other people, but from himself almost. Not in the sense that i think he doesn't know about his feelings for Yuuji (because that would be some next level denial), but because he is afraid of being completely honest and vulnerable with himself (and Yuuji) like that, you know? Idk if I'm expressing myself right.

It's like...Megumi is an intense guy, and even though he admits he is selfish and he doesn't seem to be in denial about caring about Yuuji, it's like he doesn't want to dwell in how much he cares, because he is afraid of admitting to himself that he wants something.

Because Megumi is afraid of wanting, afraid of admitting to himself that he's not as complacent about his life as he'd like to think.

#itafushi #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuuji #yuji itadori #jjk manga #jujutsu kaisen #megumi had a really bad hand in life and all we've been shown from him has him rolling with it #he doesn't worry about his dad that left him. he accepts that he'll have to be a sorcerer so that Tsumiki can be happy #“the only fair thing about this world is how it's unfair to everyone” i kinda feel like he is coping #like he accepts his life kinda sucks and it isn't fair but once again he puts distance with the way he feels about it #bu telling himself that that's just how it is. so he grows up wanting for very little (Tsumiki's happiness) to protect himself #because admitting that he might be mad about his dad leaving him or how much he might not want to be a sorcerer would be too much #there's a certain level of vulnerability by admitting you want something. it leaves you open for so much hurt #so Megumi just “accepts” the things that happen to him. and this way he “skips” having to feel in full about them #mine

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n3ongold3n · 11 months ago

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Ever since i saw the thongTM i could not stop thinking about this 🐳

#käärijä #häärijä #khäärijä calendar #diary bit coming up in the tags bear with me since this is #also my diary kind of; this blog #this thing has fought me every step of the way - and it shows i know #but i needed at least /some/ tiny little crumb of standing up for myself against my own defeatist thoughts #not just drawing. just. in general there are so many tiny and medium obstacles to accomplishing tasks that i just feel #like such an idiot for not just getting rid of the obstacles and moving on #at the same time i know how very unfair this kind of thinking is towards me since i #literally have the neurodivergence of cannot set priorities for my life or coordinate several things unless under strong duress #and then i feel sad for not even living my life unapologetically #((and disappointing jere :') - you have not read this that would be way WAY too embarrassing for me)#and yes i know you shouldn't trust yourself after - what was it? - 19:00? Well. If I didn't have to struggle until 3 pm to get through #the wall of anxious paralysis we wouldn't have that problem but here we are #anyway. off to bed. for what it's worth #got to figure out how to electronically validate my ID :''') and/or call the job center - fun!#my own stuff

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naamahdarling · 5 months ago

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#life isn't fair and that's okay #like we as a society could do better and THAT is unfair but that isn't LIFE itself #so our cat dying is hard but I don't lament the unfairness because there is no controlling that #i accept it #because the whole time we have had him has been so beautiful and the fact that we ever knew him is so unlikely #it almost offsets it in a way #that loving them is always stolen time because they are so temporary #but that doesn't mean I'm not falling apart and scared and trying to do the right thing with almost nothing to work with but love #and my boyfriend isn't okay because raleigh is his heart cat and as best i can tell is his first heart animal #and he has never had a pet loss like this #and supporting him through it has just been love and helplessness dancing hand in hand #unable to change anything #i can do this emotionally but materially we just...ran out of everything this month #and for the first time in a long time we are going to be completely dry BEFORE we can cover pet expenses #and i know it wasn't irresponsibility it was just a storm of bullshit happening all at once but i still feel so terrible #i wish there had been a way to do better enough to have made a difference #it doesn't tear me apart that my cat is dying it #tears me apart that his mouth hurts and I have to beg for help to feed him #i wish it wasn't him #i wasn't expecting it to be him #and i feel terrible about that too

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concert-bflat · 1 year ago

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Thinks about how. Gloreth only starts looking at Nimona differently/strangely when her parents call her a "monster". Just throws that label with such a negative connotation on her. Gloreth fucking fights for Nimona immediately in the beginning saying that she's her friend and never once looks at her with ridicule until her mom just holds her by the shoulders and tells her she's a monster, straight in the eye, straight in the face. And just the word is enough to cause the change.

Nimona's getting fucking attacked and prodded and Gloreth doesn't even feel sorry for her just because she's now re-contextualizing everything around her but with that word. I'm so sick. She looks not in hesitance but at disbelief before she runs away. She sees Nimona trying to defend herself from literal Danger in any way she can (she's just a kid and she's fighting with people who won't listen, never will, people that she can't get through) but just sees that as more proof of her being violent, monstrous. She sees her friend all alone, with the odds and the world stacked against her despite them being. so similar but just tells her to go back to the shadows.

And like. Of course she believes those words calling Nimona a monster and takes them to heart. Her parents, the ones she would probably trust most are the ones that told her that. And she's young, she doesn't know much about the world or much better. And of course, her parents and the whole village don't know any better. They didn't see what she saw. They don't know or feel the need to know much more than the definition of the word "monster". But it hurts. God it hurts. It's wrong. It's not fair. It's really not fair.

And it causes this whole legend that will stay with Nimona to ridicule her for generations and generations and birth this system that she's trapped by and causes everyone to be so brainwashed. The one that makes people scared and build walls. That births unecessary distrust.

God. Even in the scroll illustrating Nimona and Gloreth, Nimona is portrayed as such a bigger and scarier threat than she ever could be or would be, until Nimona internalized and gave into those images and despair of course. It's not fucking fair.

Thinking about how when the villagers saw Nimona as a "normal" person they were happy for her just living her life and playing with her friend, she was just another kid being happy like she and every ("normal", apparently) person deserves to be, and they were allowing her to be happy then when they find out what she really is they hate her. They call her a monster and drive her out immediately. They don't look into the details that contradict the stigma, they just feel betrayal when they weren't even the ones who were betrayed (Nimona couldn't fucking help being who or what she was. And she was her own person. She was still. A someone. Why do things have to be different now?). I'm so sickkk.

Thinks about how Nimona feels so hopeless as to just. Accept and yield to that label. That label that was passed down to Gloreth. To the whole world. Such simple but awful words. Aughhhhhhhhhhh

Another post I saw talks about how this is a movie about how hate is taught. And oh my god it is. Hate it taught. It's done so simply yet so, painfully effectively. So devastatingly. And that hate teaches people to hate the world back. God I fucking loooove this movie

Also Nimona's such a Creature /pos /affectionate she's so relatable I fucking love her and I'm insane okay that's the post bye

#nimona #nimona movie #nimona gloreth #this is all to jsut say the trans allegory is INSANEEEHAUEORBHAEOH it. touched me.#watched this movie with some irls after never hearing of it befroe in my LIFE and. as a person who had. a very miserable june at home #and is still having kind of a miserable time at home #this movie made me feel. very accepted and loved :)#lmao at one of the emotional points with nimona one of my irls like dragged me in for a hug #because i was laugh-sobbing very loudly because being dramatic is fun LMAO exagerrated reaction y'know #and they said it's because they couldn't tell if i was actually crying or not #and while i don't think i was in that moment #i think i was genuinely crying at some point #not in an obvious way. just slight tears. and not the laughing kind #and it was great. what a great movie <3333 #the fact these themes are also. extremely prevalent in another piece of media im currently hyperfixated on is sooo unfair you can't do that #also unrelated but i love how casually ballister and ambrosius' relationship is portrayed #it's so nice to see it just. be there. and be wonderful #all in all yeah great movie i am now sick for life <3 #also i spent this whoel post misspelling “nimona” as “nimora” i'm :skull: good thing i reread and edit before posting

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