#life is shitty

[killerskilloo]

[rozziezoo]

Life sucks right now, but it doesn't feel like it does

because, you made me feel happy,

you cheered me up, without even knowing that you did.

Its hard loving someone, but you just can't help it right?

I held myself back, but eventually I gave in.

We all give in, it just takes some time for us to process

everything. Process? Process.

-Zie, its been so long since I wrote a poem here!!<3

[dills-musings]

Last 6 months

CW: Discussion of suicidal ideation and depression

The last 6 months have been rough to say the least. I was termed from my job for, "Being too negative."

Yeah, that was the actual reason they gave, but refused to give me any examples of instances. I mean, they were right, I was pretty burnt out; Working 60+ hours a week with another 40 a week on call is a LOT, especially when you're being short staffed, undercut, being told to do literally illegal things out of ignorance from your bosses, and then being punished for reporting it to the compliance department.

About 3 months later, I found a new job. Super quick for me. It was a car sales position. About a week and a half later, I literally wanted to off myself, so I walked out on it. This was a mistake, and it might just cost me everything.

A week ago, I found a new job. However, it's paying 33% less than my first job. I'm making $17/hour. Which isn't enough when you have a car payment, insurance, mortgage and the usual bills.

I had to cash out my entire 401(k) to make it until September, and then have since borrowed about $600 from family and random strangers to get by. Some luck from Bluesky.

That's why I've been quiet here for the most part.

I'm currently 2 months behind on my car payment, 2 months behind on my mortgage, my trash pickup has been stopped as of yesterday, I'm a week from being behind on water/sewer/gas. I am a few days from being behind on my phone bill again. Currently behind on my internet as well. My car insurance has lapsed. In violation of the terms of my car loan. (I won't be telling them this)

Literally no idea how I'll make ends meet. In the meantime, I've also got a video interview that I completed yesterday on my day off for a position that pays 53k/year if I can get the job. I'm not holding out hope, though. And if I can make it to December, a friend of mine's employer will be hiring again, barring anything funky happening, and I can get in there.

In the meantime, I'm available for commissions for your TTRPG character backstories or other work on my Ko-fi.

[kensatou]

(✿◕‿◕) die (ꈍ ꒳ ꈍ✿)

[majaurukalo]

I need to take something off my chest.

Everytime I complain about my life/something that is bothering me/something that is going wrong in my life I either:

1. Am apparently causing suffering to someone else (please explain to me how my right to whine/having a breakdown over a hardship is damaging you? But okay)

2. Have no right to do so because there is always someone else who is having worse (oh thank you, def didn’t have any idea. Wow!! Now I’m totally happy. Yeeee! )

I’m so sick of this attitude. I know there’s always someone else who is faring worse and I’m perfectly aware of my luck and privilege of living in peace and having a roof over my head. I am, really and I’m trying to do my best to help those who are in a worse situation than I am from my little corner of the World. Part of me complaining is also about not having more power/resources to help more. Also, I don’t think that if I have a breakdown every now and then will make someone else’s life worse or better. There’s space for everybody to complain and whine.

I have never ever dared to tell someone else that they don’t have the right to mope or whine. I always listen and am understanding. Life can be very shitty and hard.

I spent my childhood and teenage years being reprimanded sometimes for crying or complaining, having to hide my breakdowns, having to pretend to be cool with everything.

I bottled up a lot of negative emotions.

So sorry if today I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m tired of pretending that I’m alright.

I hate toxic positivity.

Crying out my pain helps me releasing the negative emotions and moving on, finding the strength later to solve what isn’t working.

Now I’m gonna found a whining club. Everybody who wants to whine about something, you are free to join.

[freshbeeth]

two queens maximizing their joint slay

[taub-truther]

We know that the new cast members in S4 were basically auditioning for their jobs as much as their characters were, and i can't help but notice how exceptionally cunty Taub is in these early episodes

he werked his little ass off for that job!

[lucifers-mourning]

Rejoice!

Based on this statue:

https://pin.it/6eX5gTzLv

[astronnova]

doodles (as i avoid work) of the super awesome you wouldn't like me alive fic by @ectoplasmranch which i binge read in a 7 hour sitting yesterday

[edwardsdeathcabcd]

i've said it before but it will forever and always make me insane that jacob's ending is to join the cullens for the sake of bella not having to give anything up. they find out jake will be immortal & tied to renesmee forever, so bella gets to smile & say "my family is finally complete! ^-^" but jake already HAS a family. he has a father and 2 sisters. quil, embry, seth and sam are like his brothers. jacob and leah were planning to run away together. he's always been welcome in emily's home, sue has been a family friend since before his birth. bella abandons her mortality by choice because she feels no connection to the people around her, but jacob has really strong bonds. it's clear that every character we meet in la push is like family to him, he's an active member of the community. jake would've graduated high school and been a mechanic, would've grown into a young man. a good friend, a fun uncle, a present son. he's set up to have such a rich life. and he's just magically compelled to give that up. beyond his control, he loses sight of everything, because his high school crush's baby is now the singular most important thing to him. he's perpetually 18 with his perpetually 18 year old girlfriend, running around vancouver or alaska or wherever with the girl who friendzoned him at 16 & her in-laws (who were antagonistic to him for months). and i'm just supposed to say omg yay now he doesn't have to let go of bella! everyone is happy! it's complete madness

[puppyeared]

in his silly era

[pearlore]

SHARING CONTACTS????

[tcustodisart]

How it started | How it's going

[r3db3ans]

"yep, it is indeed a peaceful day."

[dailyimpulsedoodles]

Little ties doodle

[shittysawtraps]

having anxiety is a lot like having an imaginary jigsaw in your brain. hello amanda your friend was a little annoyed when you made that joke about them being bad at texting back. please grovel yourself in front of your friend until they decide to forgive you. like fuck off cunt.