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kaypeace21 · 5 years ago

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Will created the Mindflayer (Theory revisited)

After, watching all 3 seasons I believe the upside down/mindflayer is not only an allegory for Will and El’s (cannon) ptsd/ and trauma but also (because of their powers), has become a physical manifestation (with a life of it’s own). I previously talked about how El made the upside down/demorgorgans and how Will created the mindflayer and demodogs (before s3). However I wanted to add more details to this analysis and focus on how the Mindflayer represented Will’s darker emotions and thoughts in s3 . So let’s get started.

The original title for Stranger things was “Montauk”- in reference to the Montauk Project. It was about experiments conducted on psychic children, where the scientists would “break” them psychologically to strengthen their powers and to program them. In one of the stories there was a boy named Duncan who could “open portals to other dimensions and periods of time” . However, one day “Duncan let loose a monster from his subconscious.”

This is where Stranger Things comes in... El, opened the portal and created the demorgorgans, which represented El’s fears. Joyce and Nancy called the demorgorgan a “man without a face”, or as El called them repeatedly “the bad men.” The bad men kill (using guns), while the demorgans are attracted to blood. However, the one time they went after someone who wasn’t bleeding- was when it chased after Will, another psychic child. Brenner even says about the demorgorgan “it’s calling to you for a reason”. And right before El goes to the sensory deprivation tank, Brenner gives her flowers (resembling the opened face of the demorgorgan which resembles a flower). In the Stranger things novel, Suspicious Minds, a psychic character named Alice, even says “ “Monsters...of course my brain has them.” As long as they stayed in there, everything would be all right. “Wouldn’t it?”

The upside down/ opening of the gate/demorgorgan is even described as something that grows and spreads, “like a cancer”. And something that will eventually kill her, if not confronted (and analogy to suicidal thoughts?)

In s1 Dusting even asks, Eleven “Do you have cancer?” In a literal sense no, but the buzzcut ( which makes people assume she has cancer) represents the abuse she’s been through. And if she doesn’t confront her trauma it will slowly eat away at her until it kills her . Or the physical manifestation of it will.

The name El is the name of a Canaanite God, which means “god of creation.” When El said in s1 “I’m the monster”, only for Mike to correct her and disagree. In a way they’re both right, it’s not her who is in control. But the monsters (who has a life of its own) represents her darker emotions and fears and is affected by her feelings- and this is why they were mirrored to each other visually.

So the fact that the Mindflayer shows up for the first time when Will is experiencing his “anniversary effect” relating to his ptsd, may not be a coincidence. Don’t you find it strange when Will’s dog died between s1-2, the demorgorgans become demo-dogs? And once again, the vines ( put inside Will in s1) and the shadow monster/Mindflayer - are also described as spreading, and we are told that it will kill Will. Will even says “ the more he spreads the more connected to him I feel.” And if I’m right about Will becoming number 12, it’s interesting to point out that 12 is a numeral symbol for “God of creation”, as well.

The other Drs/scientists are extremely callous and say they need to continue the burn (even if it kills Will). However, Dr Owens even says after this “You’re putting a bandaid on this.” Meaning they aren’t addressing the real problem- Will & El’s trauma.

And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if I’m right- this also implies Will was m***sted as a kid (probably by Lonnie), who always called him homophobic slurs. The demorogorgan represented ‘Brenner/ the bad-men’ to El. And the Mindflayer initially represented Lonnie, to Will . Will is even the first to call the Mindflayer a “he”, instead of an it- even though in d&d cannon Mindflayers are “sexless hermaphodites”.

Also,Will doesn’t initially call the Mindflayer a “he” but an “it”.And if you only take out certain pieces of dialogue between Joyce and Will, when they first talk about the mind flayer, where they only refer to it as an ‘it’ … and if you put [‘he/him’] pronouns there instead… then the rest of the discussion about the mind flayer literally sounds… questionable.

Will: “It all just went blank and then you were there”

Joyce: “Will I need you to tell me the truth.”

Will: “I am!”

Joyce: “But … But I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. So you have to talk to me. Please. No more secrets, okay? Okay.”

Will: “ [*It] came for me and … and I tried… I tried to make [*it] go away … but [*it] got me mom”. (*he, * him,* he)

Joyce: What does that mean?”

Will: “I felt [*it] everywhere. everywhere. I- I still feel [*it]. I just want this to be over!” (*him, *him)

Joyce: “LOOK AT ME! I Will never let anything bad happen to you ever again!”

And I’m not sure how seriously I should take the cannon spotify playlists. But, the cannon spotify character playlists (which netflix and spotify worked on and published together after s2) alluded to this on both Jonathan and Will’s playlists. And the only songs about their dads hint at this fact.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling lies.”

Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of liars and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Will’s playlist- Creature comfort: “Some boys hate themselves spend their lives resenting their fathers…Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch... look in the mirror and wait for the feedback”

And if the vines and the shadow monster represent his dad the fact it enters violently through his mouth, and the way he describes the Mf first possessing him further reinforces this analogy. Especially since Billy/MF lays on top of his victims, and right before the monster puts a similar thing in their mouths says (To Heather) “Don’t be afraid. It’ll all be over soon. Just stay very still”, and (to El) “Don’t be afraid . It’ll all be over soon. Just try and stay... very still.” (May indicate Will might have have heard his dad say this to him, and thats why the Mf says it to his victims.)

The entry of the vine, even causes him to spit out a slug, as he looks back in the mirror (like in the song lyric).

The experience of the vine/slug probably brought back traumatic memories, not to mention his time in the upside down invented new ones. The mindflayer first appears during Will’s ptsd “anniversary effect”. And in s2 when Joyce asked about the mindflayer drawing, Will lies saying it’s for a story he’s writing . But maybe, unbeknownst to him... it wasn’t actually a lie ? The 1st time Will senses the Mf again in s3, is when he’s watching a movie about zombies (on a ‘date’ with Mike). And in s3, the monster the Mf creates is based “the thing” ( by merging zombies bodies together)... and we see Will writing the d&d story right next to this ‘The Thing’ poster. The light at it’s head, indicating this whole story may be Will’s idea all along.

So ‘the thing’, the zombies, defeating it with fire were all referenced to Will- and later showed to unfold in the Mf’s story. And even though d&d always foreshadows later events in the season, I find it interesting that the one time in the series we see Will write the d&d story... is when it matches MF’s plans. The shadow monster stayed in the real world, after the gate closed (and didn’t do anything for 6 months)? And specifically choses to attack/possess a guy named William who also was abused by his dad and called homophobic slurs (internalized hate perhaps)? And don’t you find it strange that the shadow monster only decides to come out now, in the summer (despite it not liking hot temperatures) when Will is at his lowest point emotionally? Well, it’s because the MF is based on Will’s darker emotions and thoughts.

S3 was the season that Will was feeling jealous over mileven, and probably coming more to terms with his sexuality - and this is when the mindflayer/shadow monster decides to strike. Whenever the Mf is close and Will touches his neck relates to his romantic feelings for Mike. 1st time it’s on one of their ‘movie dates’, 2nd time when Mike and El walk off together down the hill, 3rd time right after he smashed castle byers after Mike says “it’s not my fault you don’t like girls”, 4th time when Mike asks him to go away so he can talk to El in the hospital waiting area, and 5th time when Mike says El loves El.

And again it’s when Will smashes castle Byers that Will first says “He’s back”. Castle byers was built on a rainy night , the same day Will’s dad left, when Will was 5 (the same age he met Mike). And lonnie called him a “queer” and a “f*g” and forced him to do “normal things” like baseball to have him “be more of a man”. And then on a rainy night, after Mike says “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls”… what does Will destroy castle byers with? A bat.

Will drew up castle byers before creating it in the real world. And the fact Will has a baseball bat (despite not liking baseball) in Castle Byers, surrounded by things he loves: drawings, d&d, art supplies, a microscope, comics- just shows what an impact Lonnie’s problematic conditioning and abandonment had on him. He used a baseball bat to destroy something he loves -castle Byers, and symbolically he was trying to reject his feelings for Mike using Lonnie’s old tactics of fixing him. So regardless of what Lonnie did or didn’t do, the correlation between the MF and Lonnie is there. He smashes up castle Byers with a bat (thinking of Lonnie) and then he feels “more connected to him (the Mf)” again, and says ‘he (the Mf) is back’.

The reason we didn’t get Willel, was for a narrative reason. We are shown that Max and El don’t know each other. It’s implied that El almost never leaves the house and just spends her time kissing Mike. So Will never got to have the opportunity to get to know her either. And for Will his resentment of El isn’t simply based on the fact he loves Mike. He insults El calling her a “stupid-girl” just like how Robin said she hated Steve and his “stupid-hair” because the girl she liked , liked him- and of course a lot of that redirected hate isn’t mere jealousy, but projected internalized homophobia. I don’t think a straight person could ever really understand how much hate queer people initially have for themselves when initially figuring things out- so his redirected anger is more than simple jealousy, but just hate for himself. He even looks at a picture of Mike after this and says “so stupid”, 4 times , while at castle Byers.

But honestly, that’s nothing compared to the hate he has/ how he blames her for ruining his life! El might have saved him twice (and it might of been an accident/ dr Brenner who’s really to blame). But Will knows she opened the gate . So to him, he spent a week in a place with no sunlight, food, or breathable air , having to experience that vine, dying, getting ptsd, being ostracized by everyone at school and being called “zombie boy” and a “freak”- being possessed by the MF, getting burned alive, killing Bob (the closest thing to a real father figure) and all those men (making him a murderer), and strangling his mom.Because of her!

And then that’s when s3 starts to make a lot more sense. Will might not want anything bad to actually happen to El but he’s probably had these dark thoughts before. Will even says about the MF.

He says the real Mf is still in the upside down, but ‘the part that was still in him... was still in their world.’ And it flashes to El’s face as he says it. Essentially the Mf is motivated by his fictionalized story, thoughts/memories of Lonnie, and any dark intrusive thought Will has ever had about El , much to Will’s horror.

He said in s3 that “I’m not worried about me, mom. I’m worried about you.” So the fact that he strangled her and almost killed her in s2, probably haunts him to this day- and he might of thought, ‘wish I strangled her instead’. And who does Billy/Mf look at right before grabbing her throat, and who is the first reaction shot we see when he starts choking her - Will’s horrified expression!

Maybe the Mf thought El was the most important, and that Will was nothing ( despite all the foreshadowing indicating the Mf held special intentions for Will), because he feels like he’s nothing compared to El? Will even says in s2 it wanted to kill everyone, but him, but now it’s saying that to El only? Maybe because Will wanted her to experience having such an entity say it to her too, and experience the same fear and isolation it caused him? In s2, why did the Mf chase Will and possess him at the school, when El (at the same time) was at the school as well (if it was always after her)? It’s because the Mf’s motivations are linked to Will’s feelings/emotions.

He probably also thought, how would you like a slug crawling/invading your body, huh?And although it doesn’t go to her mouth (probably because he could never wish that on anyone- if it symbolizes what I think it does). She still has a similar experience. And everyone is worried/horrified but Will is the only one sobbing (probably because he thought of this happening to her before).

After this he doesn’t even help move the car, he just stays glued at El’s side as if trying to protect her. And interestingly, this is when El loses her powers. Will may have even thought. If she never had her powers, none of this would have ever happened! Or ‘you guys wouldn’t think she’s so great without her powers.” So did Will accidentally steal her powers?!!!! Maybe. Will has always been associated with bears (along with 3 other animal symbols that El also has). We see a zoom in shot of Will’s bear drawing right before the demorgorgan takes him from the upside down version of castle byers in s1. Bears symbolically represent “wisdom” like ‘Will the wise’ and were associated with the demorgorgan/upside down in s1 and 2 as well . Max and Nancy both compared demorrgorgans to bears- and Nancy and Jonathan used a bear-trap to capture the demorgorgan in s1. So when El tries to grab Will’s teddy bear (it was shown to be his in s1) with her powers. And Mike says “they’ll come back”. They might actually come back, because Will and EL’s relationship improves. Mike even tried to give El a golden bear as a gift (so maybe that signifies the giving back of her powers in s4 ?)

Will was always hinted to have powers from the very beginning, so it would be incredibly stupid to just drop this plot point, despite all the foreshadowing. In the 1st episode, Will wins Dustin’s xmen comic in a bet- and Dustin later asks the gang “Do you think Eleven was born with powers like the xmen?” And also before he was sent to the upside down his password for Castle Byers was ‘Rhadagast’ a wizard character from Lord of the Rings. And in the ST prequel novel “Suspicious Minds” the adult psychics were referenced to both the xmen and lord of the Rings characters. And in the comic, he keeps on saying ‘what would Will- the Wise do’ (his d&d wizard character). Also Dustin straight up called El a “wizard” in the last ep of s1, at Will’s bedside. Not to mention Mike in s2 called Will a “cleric” - and clerics get their powers from a god (cough the mindflayer), and in d&d the wiser the cleric the more powerful they are. And Will’s nickname is ‘Will the wise’? The fact that Will in s1 drew his character with lightning and fire powers- and the fact he barbecued 2 phones in s1 (just like El did to the radio at the school). In s1 was said he could “shadow walk” a wizard d&d power. The fact he could control lights and manipulate electronics to communicate to his mom from another dimension (and in s1 only El could do that). The fact he literally created a portal through the wall of his house (just like El did at the school in s2). And just the many other hints in s1! The fact that he drew himself in s2 with a crystal ball (which is associated with the powers of scrying and clairvoyance) before being possessed, but just so happen to have those abilities in s2. Dustin also said the only way to defeat the MF is an undead army and Will’s nickname is “zombie boy”. So frankly, his fight with the MF (who is still in the upside down) may not be over. And that new demorgagan in Russia might be a symbol of El’s grief over Hopper’s (perceived) death.

This would honestly, be the only explanation that would allow me to forgive the Duffers . Like you can steal this idea from me! Please! XD

#stranger things theory #will byers #byler #el hopper

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tyrustrash · 5 years ago

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Huge Updates

Hey, all! As you know, the world is in a certain state right now causing us to change our daily lives. One change for me is that I now have more time and motivation to write. Also, I published a book on Amazon!! It is a collection of short stories, some of which you have seen but with some changes (For obvious reasons) The link is this: Orientation https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085RRGQ2N/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_919HEbGVEBPPR Also, I am in the process of writing three more books!!!! Which is what I wanted to share with you. The chapters below will be the first two chapters of my young adult novel. The story is about two guys from seemingly different paths meet each other and bond over their shared pain. Theo is a member of a band that is trying to get signed to an agency, while Lucky is his college's best soccer player trying to get his team to nationals. They begin a secret relationship as they uncover more about themselves and their dark pasts. Some more info about the book: the couple is white-latino/asain, contains some sexual content, eating disorders, self-harm, and more. The other novels in development are as followed: 1. A story following a group of guys on a reality competition show competing to be members of a new boy band. 2. A group of teenagers gaining special powers and forming a team to save their town, and the world, from danger. (Has potential to be a series) 3. The other book I mentioned is another collection of never before seen short stories. I hope y'all enjoy the preview of my first novel! Chapter 1: Lo Mejor Comienza The crowd cheered their lungs out as they hyped up their favorite band, Going After You. The sold-out stadium held 40,000 of their fans holding every bit of merchandise the group had. There were a few fortunate fans that struggled their way onto the stage to get ahold of a member, but security managed to drag them away. However, one fan was able to grab the edge of Lucas' shirt and pull off a piece as she was being dragged off. Lucas didn't mind it though, he took it as a sign that he was their favorite, which he had that thought for all the fans. The members of the band looked out into the crowd and smiled as they continued their set. Lucas made sure to make his perfectly white teeth reflect the stage lights into the audience as he gave his perfect smile while he sang. His posture gave off high-end clothing store mannequin vibes: same old them as the rest, but somehow seen as better since where it came from. Gabe banged the drums while giving his rounds of pterodactyl screeching in between beats. The sweat coming from his head flew across the stage because of his hair flinging around caused by his head banging. Blake played his guitar with his swift fingers as he harmonized with Lucas. He had this chill aura around him that seemed to say that he was going with the flow. Lastly, Theo focused his attention on his keyboard. Unlike his bandmates, Theo chose to maintain his attention on his instrument. Not because he didn't appreciate his fans, all the hours spent writing letters and sending autographs said otherwise. He found it hard to multitask since he would get caught up in one thing and ignore the other. At one point in the concert he attempted to nod and smile to the fans, but he got off-key and played the wrong notes. Other than that one mishap, that night had gone well. The band stayed after for three hours to do the meet and greet with the fans. Although their entire bodies were hurting like hell, the pain was worth it if it meant making their fans happy. Everything was running smoothly. Fans stood in a straight line, which was harder than it seemed given they would let their excitement control them and try to form a tsunami, then they would get a picture with the group. So on and so on. This whole cycle repeated itself, concert and after show activities, for three weeks, with another six to go, they never wanted it to end. It was what they always dreamt about. All the hard work, all the nights without sleep, all the tears shed due to the stress-induced anxiety. All of it was finally worth it. However, sometimes it seemed liked hell on Earth. The pain and scars on their hands from their instruments. The times where they lost their voice from singing for up to eight hours a day. The visits to the hospital for when fans get too wild and would manage to make contact with a member. It was challenging in the beginning to form a balance, but it eventually happened. They wanted stardom to continue. They wanted to win a Grammy, star in their own movie, and go down as one of the greatest bands in musical history. Aside from those generic goals, each member had their own goal. Lucas wanted to be a model in New York Fashion Week. Gabe wanted to be the new owner of Playboy magazine. Blake wanted to start a non-profit organization. Theo wanted the loud banging would end. The loud banging. Theo rapidly blinked his eyes and looked around, suddenly snapping out of his daydream. He felt the cold water of the shower over his body. He wiped some of the water off of his face, also while taking a deep breath. He was at a loss of words, mainly because there was nothing for him to say at this point. "Two and a half hours." Lucas softly yelled, but in a nice way, from the other side of the door. "Hurry up. Some of us need our beauty shower." Although his time in the shower always took at least two hours, which all the others knew at that point, it felt like ten minutes. He always tried to shorten his time, but he never got around to fixing it. He never got around to fixing himself. "That's not a real thing." Theo heard Blake make the comment. "Oh shut up" Lucas said as his voice faded off, presumably going off to get his bathing kit from his room. Theo looked down and realized that there were still bits of thrown up food on the floor of the shower. It was rare that he would go off into his imagination after his habit. His shower routine typically consisted of beginning contemplating life, then spend most of his time dreaming, and end with him panic purging while rushing to get done. But lately he has been under a lot of stress. He finished up cleaning and turned the shower off. He placed an extra towel on the floor, per the request of Lucas, so that water didn't get all over the floor. As he dried himself off, he wiped off some steam that was on the mirror. The way he looked at his reflection, it was like seeing someone he didn't know. It was like there was something missing, something wrong. He looked around the room and his eyes fixated on random objects. Blake's razor that he always left out. A pair of Gabe's underwear, something that the boy always forgot to take to his room once he finished showering. Judging by the pair it seemed like it had been there for two days. His eyes locked on the can of air freshener sitting on top of the toilet. He felt short of breath seeing the tiny droplet of blood on the bottom of the can. He picked it up and turned it. Feeling the aluminum on his hands made his breathing stagger, it made his lip quiver. He inhaled sharply as his hands gripped the can tighter. Bringing the can closer to his body, a tear rolled down his cheek. Before he could do anything else, Lucas shouting stopped him, for now. "I need to get in now if I plan on getting enough sleep tonight." "I'm almost done." Theo said monotonal. He wished he meant it, but it's only the beginning. Gripping the can, causing his hands to fade into red, he turned his attention to the door. What was on the other side could have helped him, but it was no use. He was of no use. Not wanting to do anything else, he came back to his normal state of mind and brushed his hair with the brush that he has had since he was eight. He checked his phone for any notifications, but there was nothing. He frowned thinking he ruined everything. He put on his night hoodie and shorts then exited into the hall. Upon entering the hallway, he took note of Lucas and Blake arguing over some skincare routine. Lucas swore he needed to spend at least an hour on his routine for it to work, however, Blake counterattacked that he shouldn't be rushing Theo since he would spend as much time in the bathroom. Lucas grabbed his suitcase-sized bag of products and carried it into the bathroom. Theo grew worried that he was the one who had caused their argument, then wished he had used the can. Blake sighed as he plopped down on the couch. He turned on the TV and Pitch Perfect was playing. He turned up the volume but made sure it wasn't loud enough to wake up Gabe who was already asleep. They had their TV set to just music-themed programs, thanks to Gabe's technological skill. Last night they watched the first season of Glee. They wanted to watch every known music-related thing so they could take inspiration and help with their band. Their band. Although they had only been active for a year, they managed to gain a steady following and regular gigs at some small clubs that would allow a group of high schoolers to perform. Going After You was named after them chasing their dream to be the next big thing, which didn't make sense to some people but it was the group's style. However, they have yet to make any real progress in the real world. Maybe it had to do with them constantly changing their music style, but whatever it was, they needed to buckle down. Theo walked to the kitchen and poured himself a big glass of milk, with a bendy straw to go through the lid. He contemplated for a bit before he made the cup, but he needed something to ease his stomach. He made his way over to the couch and sat next to Blake. "Just like my showers, you should be used to Lucas' skin routine." Theo said as he brought his legs up to sit crisscrossed. Blake chuckled as he took a bite of the sandwich he had made earlier. "I know, but it still gets annoying. Mainly because he thinks it'll actually work. He's been doing that shit for a year now and it hasn't done a damn thing." Theo laughed a little, nearly causing him to snort out milk. "Come on, you're supposed to be the nice one of us." "Can't be the nice one when Lucas has been keeping me awake for the past two hours because he needed someone to complain to about not being able to get into the bathroom." "Sorry." Theo said with a soft voice. "Don't worry about it, I had some fun messing with him. It's so fun freaking him out." Theo gave out a soft laugh before Blake straightened himself a little. His face became a mixture of concern and stern, making Theo tense up and scoot away from him. "So, you know you're supposed to be last in the bathroom order." Theo looked down at his cup. He tried not frowning, but kept his feelings to himself, like always. "It was just that I had dinner before you guys." "What does that have to do with anything?" Before Theo could answer, Gabe walked in from his room, in only his underwear. He scratched his lower back as he made his way to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and drank some milk straight from the jug. Blake let out a heavy groan, but Gabe didn't care. After that, Gabe grabbed a beer and went to sit in the recliner. Gabe was the one that didn't care about how he looked, he always had high confidence in himself that he didn't care what others thought about him. One time he went to school in a skintight spandex suit that outlined some of his more prominent features, resulting in him having to be sent home to change. Another time he went streaking across the neighborhood. He even managed to outrun the cops that were called. As he sipped his beer, Gabe adjusted his crotch which caused Blake to make a face of disgust. "Bro, I'm trying to eat." "Don't act like you've never adjusted yourself." Gabe replied while keeping his focus on the TV. He took another sip. "We're all guys, we've all done it." "But at least I have the decency to not do that while someone's eating." As the two discussed crotch touching and other typical guy things that Theo never understood or cared enough to learn more about, Theo stared blankly ahead, focusing on nothing. The world around him started fading and his surroundings transitioned into a new setting as he went back into his dreamworld for the eighth time that day. This time he imagined them all performing at his future wedding. He was marrying the person people expected him to marry, but he was sharing the moment with his closest friends, nothing could ruin it. Well, one thing. The person he imagined he was marrying. It was the wrong person. Wrong for him, but right for his parents. As he played his keyboard, he used his peripheral vision and he saw his parents sitting in the front while cheering his name. Their cheers grew louder and louder. Every time they said his name, he found it harder to concentrate. The loudness became unbearable to the point it snapped him back to reality, where he found where he heard his name being shouted. Theo sat between his two friends as they were both looking at him. Gabe patted Theo's shoulder as he leaned closer. "So, which is it?" "Which is what?" Theo asked as he became confused. He looked at the hand on his shoulder and started to build up panic. Blake let out a sigh as he tossed his paper plate in the trash can next to the couch. "The theme for our gig tomorrow night. I wanted to go for more modern and pop-ish since it would fit the crowd, but Gabe wants full out punk and rock and roll." "I thought y'all were talking about crotches." Theo remarked as he stirred the straw in his cup, seemingly easing himself. He scrunched his face thinking about his friends talk about touching themselves. "We were." Said Gabe. He finished his beer and tossed it towards the trash can, but missed. Blake picked it up and threw it away. "But it turned into trying to finalize what we're doing tomorrow." "I don't care. Just decide. It's just a soccer game that we're performing at. I mean, who even does that? And a college game too." Gabe chuckled as he patted Theo's back. "It's a paid gig, and it's exposure. "You say that every time." Blake told him. "Well, it is. And it would be one of the biggest crowds we've performed at. Anyone could be watching, like an agent, or scouts for a reality show." "You also say that every time." "Man, what's your deal? You don't seem like you care." "I care. It's just that if we keep changing our style for each performance, then it'll be harder to get signed to a label." "It's called having range. It shows we can do any genre." Gabe turned back to Theo. "So, what style? "Pop, I guess. We've done that the most and it seems to be a crowd pleaser every time." Theo said after thinking for a second. Like Gabe, he was just as eager to get signed. But like Blake, he had the mindset of sticking to one style until they get signed. Another moment in their band career that seemed to be one of the most challenging things. Before Theo could get up and go to his room, he noticed the marks on Gabe. There were kiss marks made from pink lipstick covering the area above Gabe's boxers. He pointed at them, resulting in the other two to look. "What's that?" Gabe laughed. "Come on, man. I know you haven't been with a girl, but I'm sure you know what this is and where it came from." "Is she here now?" Blake asked as he stood up. His face getting redder than a teacher's mark on a test when they give someone an "F". "I mean, obviously. I came out of my room when we finished. Fucking my girlfriend really makes me thirsty." "Bro, you know what the lease says. No overnight guests." "What they don't know won't hurt them." "Hold up, how long has she been here? When did you bring her?" "About four hours ago. We've been at it that long, a new record. Had to miss dinner, but don't worry, I ate alright." Theo shook his head. "Wait, she's been here for a while? Usually you two make as much noise as possible." "Wanted to try it out to see if we could, now we know we can do it even while y'all are asleep. But it was hard getting it one while having to hear y'all argue over some damn skincare routine, but perhaps the arguing helped cover it up a little." "No no no." Blake interjected, completely ignoring the second part. "She is not allowed overnight." "Come on. It's not that serious. She has stayed over countless times before and no one noticed." "What! Do you know how much trouble we'll be in if we're caught? We could be evicted!" "Calm thyself. We haven't been caught yet, and we won't. As long as you don't snitch. Besides, don't act like you've never broken that rule." Blake fell silent for a quick second. He blinked rapidly before speaking with a slightly higher-pitched voice. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Melissa. I know she has stayed over before after one of your escapades." "That was different." "How?" "It was accidental. We went to sleep immediately afterwards and forgot." "Yeah right." "Theo, you have anything to say right now?" Blake asked as a way of changing the subject, but no response. He and Gabe looked back and saw Theo standing at the side of the couch staring blankly at the wall. "THEO!" Theo blinked rapidly and gazed his attention to the two of them. "What now?" "Nothing." Blake sighed. "Just go to bed now. You really need the sleep." Before anyone could do anything else, the bathroom door opened and Lucas stepped out. His face was covered with one of his face masks. "Can y'all stop arguing, please. The yelling isn't good for my skin." "The hell." Gabe said. "How is us yelling upsetting your skin?" "I'll have you know that people yelling makes me stress, and stress can cause breakouts. I can't have any of that, especially at tomorrow's gig. In fact, I can't have that ever. I have to stay looking flawless." Before Lucas could continue with his routine, he turned to Blake. "Before you freak out again and we have a repeat of tonight, I've also broken that rule. Better get your rage out now and soon. Can't have too much more yelling." Blake couldn't say anything to him since he quickly slammed the door. With a final huff for the night he went to his room. Gabe smirked. "It's adorable when he loses." "Maybe." Theo said. He went to the kitchen and rinsed out his cup. While he was there, he began doing everyone's dishes, not because they had a rotation, but because he wanted to. "Sometimes it's hard dealing with an argument over the smallest things." "But sometimes it's fun. Right?" Theo smiled a little. "Yeah. Can be." "That's the spirit!" Gabe grabbed two more beers from the fridge and before he headed to his room, he went beside Theo. He placed a hand on his shoulder, causing Theo to become worried. "Hey, you'll find a girl someday, just keep looking. And I'll make sure to not tell Blake if you bring her over and you want her to stay over." "Thanks." The faintness of Theo's voice was barely audible. He didn't even look at Gabe, only keeping his head down. Gabe went into his room, leaving Theo alone. He looked around and took in his surroundings. Just a plain and small apartment the group found a few months ago. They saved up from all their gigs for nearly a year to be able to afford it. It wasn't anything to brag about, but it was better than what he had before. His family, his neighbors, everything about his old life, it was too much. He wanted to leave it all, and he did. Or so he thought. After pushing back any memories from his past he wanted to forget, and also finishing washing the dishes, he made his way to his room. Along the way he heard moaning coming from Gabe's room. Before he could enter his own room, Lucas stepped out of the bathroom, bare naked except for some scrub covering most of his body. Theo attempted not to look, but failed since Lucas always made a presence when he entered a room. "Ayo, Theo." He said, his hand on his hip, hip sticking out. "Don't worry about what Gabe said. You know how he is." Theo could barely form a sentence. "How do you know what he said?" "Dude, the apartment is smaller than Gabe's brain. You can hear everything." They laughed. Theo turned the handle of his door. "Nice to see you taking time out of your routine to console me." Lucas shrugged. "No biggie. Besides, I had to let my body scrub settle." "I can see." He thought for a second. "Well, I don't want to see. I've always questioned what you did in there for so long, maybe I didn't have to know." "Well, know you do. Now, what do you do in the shower that takes two hours?" Theo's eyes slightly widened. He felt short of breath but pulled together a response. "You'll never know." He said in a quick and sassy tone. Lucas nodded at Theo before he went back inside the bathroom. Theo opened his bedroom door and went in. He slammed the door and leaned back on it. He exhaled heavily. After standing for a minute, he made his way to his bed. It helped clear his mind by looking around his room and seeing all his favorites things. His room was decorated with posters of his favorite musicians, including various Kpop groups, mainly Got7, Kard, Twice, CLC, Day6, and Girls' Generation, and posters of American artists like Ariana Grande and boy band In Real Life. He had lots of stuffed animals scattered around the room. There was a box of snacks beside his bed that held snacks that he saved up for weeks. He sat on his bed the main dating app on his phone. He opened the chat he had started with someone he has been talking to for the past few weeks. Still no new response. He plugged his phone onto its charger and placed it on the windowsill next to him. He pulled out and opened his laptop and pulled up his search engine. He began researching the college they would be performing at. Although it was in their town, he somehow knew nothing about it other than that it valued sports over academics, like most American schools. He mainly focused on the soccer team. He found articles talking about how the team has had a mixed season so far and was unsure if they'll qualify for nationals. Searching further, he found profiles for each member. He spent the next hour reading about what each person was like personality wise and about their skill level. All of them seemed impressive on paper, but somehow weren't on the field at times. They had never qualified for Nationals, which made them the only team at their university not to do so. Statistics show that this season was their best, which wasn't saying much since it was like a toss of a coin if they won a game or not. During his time reading, one player in particular caught his attention. Lucky Moon. Not just because of his name, but his other attributes, he stood out. He made the most goals this season, given that he was the striker. Off the field, he helped volunteer by tutoring other students and being an assistant coach for a little league team. He seemed like the model student, the perfect person. Theo smiled reading more about him. Delving deeper, Theo learned that the college actually did halftime shows for all the sporting events. One time they had an aerial acrobatics group perform at a volleyball match. Although it seemed weird for a college to go all out for a sporting event, it could pay off for their band in the end. Hopefully. Shutting down for the night, he put up his computer and covered himself with his favorite blanket, the one he had since he was a child. He laid his head down on his green monkey pillow as he thought about tomorrow. How it could be the best day of the group's career. All the possibilities that could come from it. The best began tomorrow. Chapter 2: Stop the Rain The mixture of rain and sweat covered Lucky's face as he ran across the field. He didn't bother wiping it off, it made him stronger, it built up endurance. The grass was harder to run across because he hasn't been cleaning his shoes properly and almost had moments where he almost slipped. There was only one set of lights on, somewhat keeping him warm. He kept on running, while also kicking the ball, for what seemed like forever. He had just reached the halfway point. Every so often he would tighten his fists, which kept him awake. It was two in the morning. He had hardly gotten sleep the night before, and the night before that, and basically every night for the past week. Soccer cleared his mind, made all the stress go away. Not only was this time in the early mornings useful for extra practice, it was his time to think and relax. His schedule was filled with classes and practice that he doesn't get a break. Whenever he was in his dorm, his roommate made too much noise with his gaming stuff and the occasional party. Lucky started getting up early to get some alone time on the field before he went back to his dorm to get a little more rest before his seven o'clock class. It wasn't the healthiest schedule experts might say, but it worked, it helped him stay stable, physically and emotionally. Something that he always needed work on. He shook his head thinking about his wounds, he needed to focus. Focus on his future, his grades, his happiness, but most importantly the ball he was kicking. He finally reached near the goal to shoot. With a hard kick, the ball leaped off the ground and swerved to the back of the net, nearly tearing it. He slightly nodded and gathered the ball. He made his way to the nearest bench, which held a towel and his water bottle. He sat down and wiped his face with the towel, which was about useless since the rain had gotten it damp. What it did was absorb what it could, but his face had streaks of liquid. In the end, he didn't know why he did anything with the towel other than it was muscle memory, the rain would just get his face wetter. He took several chugs from his bottle, the water moisturizing his dry throat. Picking up his bag, he placed the bottle in the side pouch and the ball in the back. While he was standing to leave, he saw a figure walking towards him. Upon closer examination, it was Coach Jupiter. She carried an umbrella and was dressed in her coaching attire. Coach Jupiter held out the umbrella to Lucky, but he remained in his spot next to the bench. She slightly nodded and got as close to him without making him feel uncomfortable. "What're you doing out here at this time of day?" Lucky shrugged his shoulders. When he opened his mouth his words came out bold, yet calm. "Extra practice." "It's not good to practice out in the rain." She came closer to him to try getting him under the umbrella, but he stepped back. "It helps build stamina." He said with even more boldness, but with a kind inflection. He didn't know if it was true, he thought it sounded like she would believe him. "Also helps with feet work." "Need someone to practice with?" "I was just leaving." "Too bad. I thought since you were here at this hour you were committed to the team." "I am!" Lucky shouted. Upon realizing that he raised his voice, he lowered his head in shame. "Sorry." "No need to apologize. Besides, how did you even get on the field?" Lucky kept his head down, feeling ashamed at what he did. "I picked the lock on the gate. But I always make sure to lock it back up when I leave." "Always?" She said while raising an eyebrow. Lucky realized what he said and step back a little while scratching his leg with his foot. "You've done this before? When? How long?" "Every day for the past two weeks." His voice was weaker than before. He sat down on the bench, resting his head in his hands. He began sobbing, his words becoming semi-inaudible. "I'm so sorry. Please don't kick me off the team." Coach Jupiter sat down next to him and held the umbrella over both of them. "Hey, calm down, it's alright. You're not off the team." "Really? Isn't what I did against some kind of rules?" Coach shrugged. "Yeah, most definitely, but I'm not going to report you or do anything." "Thank you." He said with a sigh of relief. However, he raised an eyebrow. "How did you know I was here?" "I got a notice from a bystander saying the lights were on. I came to see what was up." Lucky nodded a little. "I didn't mean any harm." "I know, but," She started saying, causing Lucky to look up and gulp. "If you wanted more time to practice, why didn't you contact me and set up an extra schedule? I would've worked with you. That's what I'm here for." Lucky stayed silent for a minute. Coach looked at him with her wide eyes, trying to figure him out based on his body language. He was hunched over, feet shaking, his right hand was brushing through his hair, and he still had a few tears coming out. "It's okay." She said. "Take your time." Lucky took a deep breath. Thoughts ran through his head and he didn't know what to say. He could tell the truth, which was more than likely a bad idea. Or he could say what she more than likely wanted to hear. Whatever he said, he made sure to make it seem better what was the truth. "I just wanted to practice some more. I know nationals means a lot to the team, and to you since it'll be your first one as a coach, and I felt like since the others look up to me, I needed to be better so we can win some more and qualify. I didn't ask for your help because I wanted to improve on my own. To show that I have the discipline and dedication." All Coach could do was nod and pat Lucky's shoulder, which seemed to calm him down. "Lucky, you are an amazing player, perhaps the best one on the team." "And I want to be better." He interjected. "I want us to go to nationals. I want to see that trophy in our case." Coach Jupiter let out a soothing sigh. "And we will, one day. Maybe this year, or maybe next year, but we will win it. But we won't if we're not in our best condition. Next time you want extra practice, talk to me and we can work out a healthier and somewhat better schedule. How does that sound?" Lucky looked her in her eyes. He couldn't form any kind of facial expression. But Coach made a face though. She seemed like she cared. He was happy to have someone in his life that seemed like they cared about him, someone who wanted to spend time with him, but he shook his head. "Thanks, but I'll see about it." He told her as he stood and put on his bag. "Let's see how we do at this next game." Coach stood up. She gave him another pat on the shoulder before she walked off, leaving him standing in the rain. Lucky looked up at the sky. A few drops of rain hit his eyes, causing him to blink rapidly. As he started walking to his dorm, he wiped some rain away, kicked some grass, and sighed heavily. He managed to get to the door and lock it back up, making it seem no one was ever there. As he walked away, the single set of lights that was on started flickering, then went dark. Lucky entered his dorm building and pushed the button for the elevator. He rested his hand on his hip as he waited. The elevator always took forever, even though there were only five floors. He didn't mind waiting, especially after practicing. It gave him a little time to cool off. The elevator dinged. The doors opened and there was only one person getting out. "Sup, Lucky!" The guy said as he went into a bro hug. Lucky accepted the hug. Although he wasn't too close to him, they did have some sort of friendship through Lucky's tutoring sessions. The guy left and Lucky took his spot in the elevator. He pushed the button for the fifth floor and watched the door close. The elevator always felt like it was going slower than a snail. He thought since they were paying a ridiculous amount for housing, the service would be good quality. The long time, the interior falling about, and the constant smell of sewage, and all that was just for the elevator. The rooms were worse. Upon coming onto his floor, he looked around at all the decorations. Each floor had a different theme, and his theme was the ocean. Cut-outs of different ocean animals covered the wall, along with streamers of different shades of blue. A pinboard hanging on the wall next to the elevator held mini questionnaires filled out by the residents of the floor. One of the questions was if they were a sea creature, which would they be. Lucky answered dolphin, because they are sleek, fast, and that people often make assumptions about them and have no reason to worry. He reached his assigned room at the end of the hall. He looked at his name tag, which was a dolphin, which he thought was a coincidence. He tapped the head of the dolphin before entering, a ritual he had since he started college. Touching his name tag before he entered his room. The first thing he saw was one of his roommates, Matt, asleep on the couch. Lucky grabbed a blanket form the rack in the corner and covered him up. Matt let out a weird groaning noise and turned but stayed asleep. When Lucky went to open his bedroom door, it was locked. "I'm busy!" His main roommate, Spada, yelled from the room. "Come back in a few minutes!" Before walking off, Lucky could hear the noise of a bed squeaking. Grunting, he went to the little kitchen area. Every time he really needed to get some rest, Spada pulled some shit like that. Every time he was gone for longer than thirty minutes Spada had her over. But he never had the strength to say anything. Opening the fridge, his face remained emotionless at the sight of a basically empty fridge. At that point, he was just over his roommates not keeping up with the one simple task of grocery shopping. The only thing edible he could see was some milk, a few slices of leftover pizza, and a half empty ketchup bottle. He grabbed a slice of pizza and poured him a glass of milk. As he chewed, he pulled out his phone and opened a dating app and went to the message section. There was only one person who had a conversation. Lucky smiled for the first time that day. He thought he might've met someone but didn't know if it would work out. He didn't know what to respond with. He hadn't replied for at least five hours. The right words had yet to come, even though the other person's message was really simple. It asked what he was like when he was younger. They had been getting to know each other better, but he has been picky about what he shared, especially life before college. He didn't want to change the subject since it seemed rude, but he also didn't want to make them mad by lying. He began typing a sentence but stopped when he heard his bedroom door open. Spada's girlfriend lurked out of the dorm, waving to him as she exited. Spada came out next, only in his boxer briefs. He went to the fridge and sipped some of the milk straight from the jug. "Can you please use a glass?" Lucky said as he took another bite of the pizza. Spada placed the milk back in the fridge. He maneuvered his way around the tiny kitchen space and leaned up against the counter next to Lucky. "You already have some." "Besides the point. Others might want some later and they more than likely don't want your germs. Besides, I know where your mouth has been." Before Spada could respond, he finally got a sniff of Lucky and nearly gagged. "Dude, you stink." Lucky sniffed his own armpit and shrugged. He has grown accustomed to his stench that he built up an immunity to it. It took him really trying to sniff to catch it. "Yeah, I do. It's called sweating. It's what comes when one is physically active." "I'm physically active." "Sex and parties don't count." "Hey, don't diss those. I be sweating pretty hard while doing so." Spada crossed his arms. "You need to shower. I don't want to be smelling that the rest of the night." Lucky turned to him and scolded him. "I was going to when I got here, but you were busy." Spada stood straight up in a defensive manner. "You know the rule we set up at the beginning of the year. If one of us has company over, we shall give them privacy." "But I didn't think it would include the middle of the night." "There weren't any time restrictions when we made the deal." "Whatever." Lucky sighed as he made his way to the bedroom. Before he took off to the shower, he looked back at Spada, who was shaking his head. "You know," Spada started saying. "I wouldn't mind waiting out here for whatever amount of time you needed. That's if you ever bring a girl over." With that, Lucky slammed the door. There were times he despised Spada. Times where just his presence caused annoyance. He had the typically rich daddy's boy vibe, but lacked the rich daddy. Whined whenever he didn't get his way, bitch until he does, just plain punchable. On the other hand, there were times Spada was kind of tolerable. The times where they got drunk together were nice and good bonding moments, but those were rare sense Lucky didn't want to risk showing up to class or practice with a hangover. Spada once invited him to a threeway with his girlfriend on the terms that they wouldn't do anything with each other, but he declined out of respect. One time they to the arcade and made a mountain with all the tickets they had earned, then destroying it by jumping into it and rolling around. Putting all those thoughts behind him, Lucky went straight to the bathroom and locked the door. He stood in front of the mirror and stood straight into his eyes. He began that state of being where everything around him became too real and where he started contemplating life. What life was, what he was doing there, and what will happen if he dies. Or in his case what would've happened if he had died. Or what things would be like if he was never born. Shaking his head rapidly, he got out of those thoughts. He turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot. In the meantime, he took off his clothes and placed them neatly in the corner. Remaining in only his black briefs, he went back to staring at himself in the mirror. This time he stared at his body. At the wounds he had. The cuts across his six-pack. The bruises on his sides. The everlasting burn wound on the upper part of his arm. As he ran his fingers over it all, he tried staying strong. He kept reassuring himself that it'll all be over soon. He wanted to continue looking, but the mirror fogging up stopped him. He took off his underwear and stepped into the shower. The hot water hit him sharply, giving him the best feeling he has had for the day. He simply stood in the middle of the shower and let the water go all over him. It took him a good minute or two to begin. He poured some of his Axe body wash on his hands and started rubbing his body. He took it easy around his wounds since they were sensitive. He used the green apple shampoo his sister got him, only because he was out of his regular kind. He let his hand slip down his body until he reached his v-line. He tapped his fingers across it, enjoying the tingling sensation that slowed throughout his body. He let out a soft moan as he reached lower. He grasped his crotch and let out a louder moan. His head flung back and his eyes closed. Just the feeling could've made him finish since it had been forever since he had felt some sort of pleasure. He started moving his hand, the shampoo helped made a smooth rhythm. He used his other hand to rub his chest. His hands became synchronized in motion resulting in a higher amount of pleasure. All the feelings going through his body sped up his hands and he couldn't stop. It felt like electricity going through his veins, lighting was about to be next. Just as he was about to release, there was a loud bang on the door. It startled him so much that his hand sharply gripped over himself and he released over the front of the shower. His knees felt like jelly and he had to hold onto the rail so he wouldn't fall to the ground. "Hurry up, bro!" Spada said. Lucky took a moment to catch his breath. "I can't fall asleep with the shower running." Lucky groaned as he cleaned up, again, and turned the shower off. He stepped out, dried off, and wrapped the towel around his waist. He wiped off some of the steam on the mirror and brushed his hair. In the corner, he saw some of his residue on the corner of the tub. He took the edge of the towel and wiped it up so that Spada wouldn't complain. Finally finished, he grabbed his dirty clothes and walked into the bedroom and over to his dresser. He took off his towel and tossed it and the clothes into the basket. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of light blue briefs. After he put them on, Spada turned on his bed and faced the ceiling. "Sorry about earlier." Lucky went to his bed and got under the covers. He took note of Spada's weird change in attitude, which wasn't uncommon. He adjusted himself and his pillows before responding. "About what?" "About saying if you ever bring a girl over." Spada let out a sigh. "I didn't mean to come off snarky." "It's fine." No it wasn't, but it wasn't the time. "Don't worry about it." "My thing is," He started, resulting in a soft groan from Lucky. "You're so attractive, no homo, you can get any girl you want. You're the star soccer player, a people helper, and you're Asian, girls love ethnic guys now." "Don't say that!" Lucky slightly yelled. He hated it when people brought up his race, not because he was ashamed, but because he thought it was never needed to be brought up. "I thought you were tired? Why don't you get some sleep, maybe it'll help your brain." "Hey, don't get upset at me for stating facts." "Well I don't want to hear your so-called facts." "Well, what do you want to hear?" "You sleeping." Spada chuckled. "Man, I can help you." "I don't need your help." Lucky turned to face the wall. "What's your type? Blonde, brunette, redhead? Maybe another ethnic person." Lucky became furious. He grabbed a bottle of water from under his bed and threw it at Spada. "Stop saying that! As I said before, I don't want or need your help. Stay out of my personal life and leave me the fuck alone!" Without saying anything, Spada made a face of confusion with a mix of anger. He tried throwing the bottle back, but it failed to reach halfway across the room. He huffed and turned to face the wall. Lucky wept silent tears. He pulled out his phone and went back to the message conversation. He scrolled through the entire thread, wanting to relive one of the happy parts his life had. From where they talked about school, hobbies, and dreams for the future. Although he had a gist of what he wanted for his dream, all he could think about was making a new dream reality. After a long time of thinking, he finally decided what to say. Let's talk, in person, after my soccer game. I know a place we could go and be alone. With a simple click of a button, his life changed. Whether it was for good or bad, that was debatable. What wasn't was his feelings. Feelings for soccer, feelings for freedom, and feelings for the one person that could truly care about him. A ding. Lucky looked back at his phone and formed a small smile at the message notification. He smiled more when he read it. I'll be there.

#gay #lgbt #bisexual #debut novel #books #gay books #fanfiction

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imchick · 5 years ago

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November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤

Okay! Hard part is over! 😛 I don’t really like being the center of attention and all. You might say it’s the same since everyone will still be looking at us the entire time. But, with the other half, the reception — people are more relaxed. Everyone will be dancing, talking to each other, singing and eating their hearts out! So, less judging and critical eyes on us. 😀

Our Reception was held at Aquila Crystal Palace. It’s about 30 – 40 minutes from our Ceremony. We had time to relax and just talk to each other in the car on the way there. Mind you, we were still with our bride & groom assistants.

To give you a preview – here’s what it looked like. ❤

BUT BUT BUT! Before we get to that, let’s go back to the start. Shall we? While we were taking our post-nup pictorial, we prepared welcome snacks and drinks for our guests!

Our supplier for this Gabrielle’s Appetizer. We prepared 200 mini sandwiches (cucumber & kani, chicken salad, tuna salad, egg & bacon), 150 mini burgers (chicken and beef), 200 crostinis (gorgonzola bacon, goat cheese & fig ham, prosciutto & brie, smoked salmon) and 2 gallons of cucumber lemonade

I’m so happy to be hearing good feedback from our guests! Their favorites? the mini burgers! But before they can eat, they will pass by our Signages!

I’m proud to say that I designed all the layouts, with the help of my husband, of course. ❤ We decided to maintain the theme of our invitation – White Marble is such a classic and classy design. Aside from the welcome signage, I wanted to add a little extra! – An Infographic of our love story. ❤

While others are eating or taking a photo in our photobooth, we also prepared some games before everything starts!

I personally created a Word Search Game with Startbucks GC for their prizes! I devised a personalized puzzle with words that have roles or connected to our relationship. For instance – Management Trainee (we were both Management Trainees in a bank. This is how we met) 😀 Everything is so much more special when it is personalized. Do you agree?

Before they officially enter the reception area, I also insisted that I wanted a signage for their Seating Arrangement:

I’m definitely proud of this! I’m a huge, huge fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S! I insisted to insert the friends theme in our seating arrangement! The heading is The One Where We got Married (just like how all their titles are worded). ❤ I also named our tables with all the memorable lines / quirks of the series such as Pivot, Big Fat Goalie, How you Doin and etc.

I also asked our host to ask our guests whether they know what theme our seating arrangement is. I prepared a FRIENDS themed prize also, which I bought online (a Friends Door Keychain).

The One thing that will welcome our guests upon entering the place is our Animated Monogram.

At first, I wanted a White Background with Gold font for our names. But our coordinator pointed out that I may not be seen if the background is also white. 😛 So, we decided to switch to Dark Green, still in line with our theme. ❤

Okay! So when we arrived at the scene, it’s time for our make-up retouch and time to fill our stomach with the incredible feast we chose for our guest. ❤ It was really delicious. While we were having our early dinner, there’s another game inside the reception: TRIVIA GAME where we gave out bags of chocolates for every correct answer. Some of the questions were: First movie together, Who said I love you first, Term of Enderament, Favorite Series Marathon food. (Some of the answers to the questions were posted in our Infographic) 😀 Clever. Huh?

Initally, we wanted the Fireworks at the end of the program. But we were also hesitant to schedule it after since it was Sunday and our guests might leave early.

Proven! Guests really do enjoy the fireworks! It also elevates your event! ❤ After the fireworks, guests were asked to return to their seats for the Grand Entrance. 😛

Our Bridal Squad were introduced in the tune of Dura by Daddy Yankee. while our Groom Squad danced to Boneless by Steve Aoki.

As you can see, our male squad is definitely more coordinated with Matt Stefanina dance moves. Hence, they won the challenge of who’s better. 😛

Followed by the entrance of our esteemed entourage, our Prenup / Save the Date Video was shown to all of our guests.

And our Grand Entrance in the tune of Good Life by One Republic, inspired by our Wedding Hashtag of #itsJANNAbeaJUDElife transalated as It’s gonna be a good life.

TIP: Please please be witty enough to think of your own wedding hashtags! One, it’s simply fun. Two, it will encourage your guests to use your hashtag. Three, you’ll have an easier time in collating pictures and videos related to your event if it’s clear that YOU are the only ones using it instead of #JudeandJannaforever or #JudeandJanna2019. Maximize the power of hashtag!

For our Grand Entrance, we decided to use our Indoor Fireworks (which is not shown in the photo) plus this heart shaped confetti free of charge from our Coordinator. ❤

Followed quickly by our entrance, we gave a bit of our opening remarks to our family, friends and loved ones who celebrated with us.

Our first ever dance as a married couple is in the tune of Say you won’t let go by James Arthur. 🙂 This is also the song I was singing to when he proposed. ❤ This song is really special. ❤ Again, there were Indoor Fireworks and confetti as well.

Wedding Traditions followed such as Cake Cutting and Wine Toasting!

Our 3 tier carrot cake is designed with pure white with gold highlights with huge floral appliques. It’s so good! I’m actually sad that we forgot that it was in our ref.

The wine that we toasted is free from our package with Aquila Crystal Palace. If I remember it correctly, it was not hard because I finished it instantly. ❤

My sister, one of the Matrons of Honor started the speech followed by my Brother in law and finally, my Best friend ended the speeches by inviting everyone to offer a toast for our marriage. ❤

After the long speeches, it’s time for the most awaited time of our guests! Dinner time. ❤ The cousins of my groom, Seth and Yohan led the prayer.

While the guests were eating or in line to get their food, some of the music that we chose to be played are the following: The way you look tonight, Collide, The last time, if I ain’t got you, Everything, Perfect and Close to you among others.

Well, you know how this goes already. . . . . before they can even line up to the buffet, they all have to take a picture with us. ❤ Here are some of them.

While eating, another batch of Speeches coming from our Principal Sponsors.

Principal Sponsor speeches! We had to choose one from each of our side. My God mother, sister of my father gave a speech while it was a Family friend from the Groom’s side. After the speeches, a couple of games again — which is the second best game! Minute to Win It – Wedding edition. ❤

So we filmed a one time, one shot games of: Segregate it, Pingpong Ball, Shoot the Ball etc. Each table have to guess who won whether it’s the Bride and the Groom! Everyone turned out to be competitive at this part. ❤

After an interactive game, it’s the Parent Dances!

We decided to dance simultaneously to the tune of You are so Beautiful by Joe Cocker. 😀 I was scaring my dad and reminding him of their speech! 😛 while I think my mother in law is having the best time dancing with his son. ❤

After a bit serious of dances, it’s fuckin time for another game! Another game? We can never miss out on Single’s Game! To get the suspicion out of their minds, our host called them like they are about to receive a prize.

Men are lined up in front – a music is played and whoever dances the right move first gets to seat down! The following music were played – Watch me whip, Soulja Boy, Teach me How to Dougie, Gangnam, Level Up, Stayin Alive, Thriller and Can’t Touch this.

Then whoever doesn’t dance, will remain in front and the ladies will start searching for the safety pin. The lady who doesn’t find a single pin, loses. ❤

The losers of both games, or rather the last man and woman standing wins a Starbucks GC which they can use to go on their ‘date’ – a little matchmaker doesn’t lose its touch on weddings!

It’s my husband’s colleague and one of my closes high school friend! ❤ And after this fun game, our host now calls on both of our parent’s for the wise words.

It’s the Welcome to the Family speech! It’s such a cliche but really overwhelming. It warms your heart, right? I felt really happy to hear it goes both ways. ❤ I have no better way of saying this but it felt really good.

Before the night is over, we prepared some awards to be given to our guests.

Cool Tito Award (right picture) and Fab Tita Award where we award the Best Dressed one – we gave them Wine and a Tefal Pan. ❤ We also awarded Dressed to Kill (Upper Right) for the Best Dressed Millenial and we gave them a 6-pack beers and a Make Up Kit. Lastly, we gave out a Grand Prize (Lower Right) for the best picture and handed them a powerbank.

Then we played our On Site Photo and our Save the Date Video. ❤

Look at our faces!! ❤ Our Photo Team is led by TJ of Timoteo Photo and our SDE was created by Mac by Stories by Supermac! Extremely in awe, hearts bursting with joy and overwhelmed with gratitude and love. ❤

Before our night ends, we said our Thank yous and invited them for a night full of dancing and drinking!

Look at our ceiling treatment filled with an all white embellishments and gold highlights and black draping to make our ceiling pop out! ❤

The night ends as mentioned, with drinking and dancing! ❤ ❤ ❤

Our last picture before our guests go back to Manila! First up, my colleagues!

My brother and his girlfriend before they fled out of the scene. 😛 Haha. Next? Our Wedding Buddies, one week apart and now, we’re all married. ❤

I always come in threes, Don’t I? And Of course, My Bestfriends since High School.

It always put a smile on my face when I see my friends from different groups come together like this. 🙂

And before this day ends, I need a picture with my husband. ❤

I love you so much, husband! ❤ ❤ It’s been five months and it’s still the Best Day of My Life. ❤

EVERYDAY: Our Wedding (Reception) November 24, 2019, the most magical day of my life. ❤ Okay! Hard part is over! 😛 I don't really like being the center of attention and all.

#Animated Monogram #Aquila Crystal Palace #bride & breakfast #fireworks #Gabrielle&039;s Appetizer #marriage #Reception #wedding #Wedding Dances #Wedding Games #Wedding Speeches #Wedding Traditions

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iohourtime · 6 years ago

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Moeyo Ken (Burn! O Sword) - Novel Recap 2

This is the second part of the recap of Moeyo Ken, which will be adapted into a 2020 movie directed by Harada Masato. I will talk about the characters as they were described in the novel in more detail. If you want to learn more about the background of the novel and a brief description of the plot, please click here for the first post. This post will have spoilers.

The Characters

I am going to go with this order instead of the order of the cast list: Oyuki (Shibasaki Kou), Serizawa Kamo (Ito Hideaki), Hijikata Toshizo (Okada Junichi), Kondo Isami (Suzuki Ryohei), and Okita Souji (Yamada Ryosuke).

Oyuki

She was an original character created by Shiba to serve as the love of Hijikata’s life. Historically, there were no records of Hijikata forming deep attachments with any women. She followed her late samurai husband from Edo to Kyoto to learn to paint, so when he died, she continued to live there. Hijikata literally stumbled into her small apartment after a fight and fell in love immediately, but he treated her with respect (i.e. he didn’t immediately try to sleep with her). He viewed her as more than his wife1 and even took 2 days off to spend some time with her. (The man never took time off.) She was strong willed, kind and loved Hijikata, but that was pretty much her whole storyline. Based on filming reports, it seems like Harada is bringing her character into the story much earlier than the novel, and she's number two on the cast list, so maybe she has a bigger role in the movie.

Serizawa Kamo

He was the first commander of the Shinsengumi. Serizawa Kamo was not his real name and there were rumours that he was hiding from something. Kamo means duck, actually, which was an odd choice. Anyway, although his gang occupied key positions within the group, Hijikata made sure the real operational power rested with the Vice Commander and the team leaders, which were mostly filled with Kondo’s gang. Hijikata also asked Kondo to play a fool in front of Serizawa's gang so they wouldn't suspect the eventual coup.

Serizawa was crude and petty. One time, he killed a sumo wrestler because the guy took his preferred spot or something petty like that. He also fired a canon at a rich family's mansion to get protection money from them. The Bakufu was horrified and secretly told Kondo and Hijikata to get rid of him, not that they weren’t already plotting to do so. Okita once made a strange comment2 about how Serizawa might be the most “innocent” of them all, and director Harada said he wanted to explore that in the movie. I don’t know what to make of it since Serizawa was portrayed as a brute in both novels. Perhaps Okita meant he had no agenda? I don’t know. That Souji was a strange boy.

Anyway, Kondo’s faction made one of Serizawa’s right-hand man commit seppuku for failing the bushido. This move weakened Serizawa's faction and although he was angry, he did nothing to retaliate or protect himself. On the night of Serizawa's assassination, the kill squad disguised themselves as ronin and surprised Serizawa when he was being amorous with his mistress. They also killed anyone who might recognize then. After Serizawa’s death, the other 3 members were either killed in a fight or forced to commit seppuku.

The Trio

The Shinsengumi was really controlled by Kondo and Hijikata, though no one wanted to admit it. Since Okita had them wrapped around his little fingers, he was the big boss! (Kidding 😁) Taking both novels into account, I think Kondo was the face of the group, Hijikata was the guy who got things done, and Okita was the guy who knew everything including gossips, but only dropped cryptic hints when it was warranted.

Warning: major spoilers coming up.

Hijikata Toshizo

Hijikata Toshizo started off as an aimless punk (a baragaki) who dreamed of becoming a samurai. He even wore his hair pseudo samurai style, which was not what farmers did back then. He was rather handsome with cool and refreshing eyes and women loved him. He loved to sleep with women who he perceived to be above his social status. The first few pages of the novel were rather shocking to my modern sensibilities - his conquering of this priest’s daughter was straight up rapey, even though the reader was reminded that it was how things were back in those days and the girl subconsciously expected him to drop by or some $hit like that. I don't know why Shiba put in this fictional detail because it's unnecessary to the plot. Even if it presented a contrast to the man he eventually became, it's not like Toshizo didn't already do a lot of questionable things early on. Perhaps he hated Toshizo? 😅

Anyway, he started an affair with a woman with status he met during a temple (sex) festival3. Unfortunately, when he got caught sneaking out of her room one night, he accidentally killed a well known swordsman. This incident drove the story in the Hino arc as Shichiri, a member of a rival dojo, seeked justice for the dead (really an excuse to get rid of a business rival). Toshizo got into a few battles of wits & strength with Shichiri, through which we learned that despite Toshizo being a farm boy, he was a natural born strategist who specialized in guerilla warfare.

The Shinsengumi gave Toshizo a life purpose and allowed him to show off his organisational management skills. At that time in Japan, military and police organizations assigned two people doing the same job. Toshizo recognized the inefficiency in the structure, especially if they needed to mobilize quickly, so he borrowed from the French army and introduced this revolutionary idea of having only one person in each position and splitting up the group into teams with different responsibilities that report up to an executive branch. Yes, it sounded logical now but it was radical back then! The most important thing was that he transferred the real power to the vice commander level.

Toshizo was gruff, undiplomatic, and ruthless in achieving his goals. He did come up with the harsh Shinsengumi code after all. In fact, Souji once told him that the Shinsengumi members kind of hated him. Even Souji hated him for a minute because of Yamanami. But as Toshizo told Souji afterwards, he chose to be hated. He just wanted Shinsengumi to become a force to behold and for Kondo to succeed as its leader, so he took on the bad guy disciplinary role in order that the members would continue to love and admire Kondo.

Toshizo also hated the academic type, so he butted heads with Yamanami and Ito. His distaste and distrust were partly born out of his own lack of education. He felt that educated people only knew how to talk theory and kiss ass, and they impeded his ability to do real work. (And jealousy?)

In the battle of Toba-Fushimi, even though the Bakufu suffered a huge loss, Hijikata’s squad was the only one that managed to do some damage against the modern Western artillery. The Bakufu started to notice Hijikata’s military prowess and eventually made him a vice commander in the army. He really came into his own in the northern arc after Kondo was gone.

The continuous battles and deaths really took a toll on Toshizo. Earlier in the novel, while strolling with Souji, he said he liked spring. Souji commented that people who liked spring tend to place their hopes and dreams in tomorrow. Yet in Toshizo’s final days, he told one of his underlings that he only fought for today. In one memorable scene before the final battle, he saw the spirits of his friends in his room. They all looked tired to him. Knowing it was time to end so everyone could rest, he sent his page Ichimura Tetsunosuke4 and Saito Hajime away on missions, saving their lives so they could pass on the stories of the fallen brothers. For Toshizo, instead of surrendering, he chose to face his enemies head on - fighting for the Shinsengumi and going out in a blaze. He was killed by a bullet5.

As Shiba himself said, Kondo was a hero during the peaceful times, but Hijikata was a hero during chaos. As much as the Shinsengumi was born in the wrong time, Toshizo was in his element. I'll let Toshizo himself summarize his world view with what he told Souji:

_"This is a sword. A sword is made by a craftsman to kill. The sword's characteristic and purpose are both simple. It's just like the military strategy books describe, its only purpose is to defeat the event. But look, look at the pure beauty. A sword is more beautiful than a beautiful woman. When I see beautiful women in front of me, I won't feel nervous. The beauty possessed by a sword could melt the stone heart of a man, and took a strong hold of him. That's why our purpose needs to be pure, our thoughts need to be pure. The Shinsengumi can only exist for this integrity. Souji, for me, no matter how the world changers, or whether Bakufu admit defeat and surrender, if I have a single breathe left, I'll persevere. Can I waver like Kondo? Up to now, I've covered my hands with blood to protect Shinsengumi. Serizawa, Yamanami, Ito… they all did by my hands. Why did I kill them? When they died, they were all facing death without wavering. If I waver now, then how do I face them in the afterlife? The journey of a man - is to create beauty, my own beauty. This is what I firmly believe." _(A very dude thing to say. 😏)

Kondo Isami

Kondo Isami was Toshizo's best buddy, or “sworn brother”. He was the fourth master of TRR. According to other people's description, he was a true leader, easygoing and generally loved by the squad. I didn't see any incident in the novel that supported that except for his command over the Ikedaya mission and what others said about him.

He was an uneducated farmer, so he loved hanging out with the educated people, yet he got jealous of them when they became more popular than him. Unfortunately, he was also very susceptible to flattery, so he tended to keep sycophants around him. Once he got a taste of success, he started politicking with the Bakufu, keeping mistresses and dressing above his station, and was quite concerned about status. So perhaps he would have been a good leader in peaceful times, he really came apart when things turned, making bad decision after decision. In other words, I kinda hated this novel's version of him. (I think he's normally portrayed in better light. 😅) Actually, I think Shiba disliked him too, as his depiction in both novels were not flattering. He was basically a fool who thought he was clever. Again, this may not be how he was in real life.

While Kondo might seem like a forthcoming guy, remember how he conned Serizawa's gang into believing he was weak and foolish. He also fooled Ito by pretending to become Tobaku, when he was just trying to get him drunk enough to be assassinated by Hijikata's team.

As the Shinsengumi grew, Kondo and Toshizo's vision started to diverge. Kondo cared more about becoming a daimyo (a feudal lord with land) while Toshizo wanted to expand. Kondo was so blinded by the land the Bakufu promised that he didn't realize they were going on a hopeless mission to take Koshu. In the end, Kondo and Toshizo parted ways in Nagareyama due to ideological differences: Kondo wanted to surrender and Toshizo tried to get Kondo to go with him.

Toshizo: When we were on the rise, you were such a great leader; now that we were going down, you changed and no longer want your dream.

Kondo: That's right. I don't want to be remembered as a traitor. I'm not like you. I understand the meaning of greater good.

Toshizo: The power structure changes with time, but isn't surrendering shameful for a man? Win or lose, it's not important. As a man, it's most important to follow one's dreams or die trying.

Kondo: For me, it's more important to follow the right path. Even though we had been comrades in battle forever, did we ever really had a common goal? Let's go our separate ways now.

Toshizo: I don't care. You're coming with me.

Kondo: Thanks for being there for me, but Toshi, please set me free. You built Shinsengumi and made me the commander, but looking back, the Kondo Isami then didn't feel like me. Let me go.

With that, Kondo left. Toshizo didn't chase after him but vowed to keep pursuing his dream. Shortly after, Kondo was captured and executed by the new government. So for someone who was concerned about his name, it was a sad way to go.

Okita Souji

Okita Souji was one of the youngest members of Shinsengumi. He was technically Toshizo’s senpai at TRR since he started learning kenjutsu at the age of 9. He first showed up in the novel when Kondo asked him to investigate Shichiri's dojo. Here was what Shiba casually mentioned in the first 4 pages he appeared.

“Okita bit down on his cute lips and grinned” [while telling Toshizi he was dumb].

“This young man of around 20 looked quite handsome in this outfit” [thought Toshizo].

“Okita was very well spoken due to his good upbringing and he also had a face as beautiful as that of an irokoshou*”, [Toshizo thought as he watched Souji greet the enemy].

_* A koshou refers to a page for a general. They are typically younger boys (15 or so) and were sort of like their personal assistants. An irokoshou was the type of page that also serviced the general sexually… so they tend to be extremely beautiful. _

So, Shiba really wanted the readers to know how good looking Souji was above all else. The novel likely solidified Okita Souji’s short, pretty boy image6 in popular media for decades.

Souji was said to be very innocent, childlike, and polite. When he wasn't working, you could find him playing with children who lived near Mibu Dera. He was smart as well. In the Hino arc, whenever Toshizo started describing the plan of attack, e.g. if Toshi said “you three go to this bridge in the cover of darkness”, Souji would immediately know what strategy he was going for.

Souji's swordsmanship was explained with an anecdote. Toshizo and Souji were challenged by Shichiri to a 2-on-2 duel. Toshizo knew Shichiri would try to lure them into a trap, so he planned a sneak attack. Souji was naturally nervous as he had never killed before, yet he still managed to kill 3+ of the 20 or so enemies. After they escaped, Toshizo was dumbfounded when he noticed Souji didn't get a single drop off blood on his clothes after killing all those people with a sword.

Souji didn’t seem to have any ambition. He was just following his “brothers” when he joined the roshigumi. In his own words, "I'll follow Kondo and Hijikata-san even to hell, although it would be nice if we are going to heaven." What Shiba emphasized in the novel was Toshizo and Souji's bond. In my opinion, Toshizo loved and spoiled Souji unconditionally and unlike most people, Souji could say anything to Toshizo and get away with it. Some examples:

"If you have time, you should read more books, then maybe you can become a good strategist too." That came after Toshizo started laying out his battle strategy.

After Toshizo explained why he chose to be the bad guy, Souji apologized, "I'm too dumb. I didn't know you did all that so the guys won't have to hate Kondo-san." Hearing this coming out of Okita's mouth, Toshizo felt like he was being teased. [Souji added], "Of course, it is also a personality thing."

I guess Toshizo couldn't get mad when Souji said this stuff while “tilting his cute head”. It is always a bit unclear if Souji just had no filter or if he was throwing shade.

Here is one of the most famous HijiOki scene from the novel. Toshizo might be your typical macho man, but he had a secret. Once a month, he would lock himself in his room and everybody would freaked out because they didn't know what he was up to. Except Souji of course. He knocked and cheekily listened to Toshizo frantically tidying up. Souji casually walked into the room and snatched the "Hougiku collection of haikus" from its hiding place. Yes, Toshi wrote spectacularly bad haikus under the pen name of Hougiku (this actually exists)7. Even though Toshizo was embarrassed, he still waited expectantly for Souji's critique of his new work and lit up when Souji said one of them was OK. (Pretty low standards. 😅)

Hijikata opened up to Souji about everything, especially matters of love. When Toshizo got back to HQ after getting injured and meeting Oyuki, Souji went to see him right after the doctor left.

Souji: You got me all worried!

_Toshizo: Sorry… I almost didn’t make it back. But Souji, I think I have fallen for a woman. _

Souji: Eh?

Toshizo: Don’t tell anyone, especially Kondo.

Souji: Then why are you telling me?

Toshizo: You are different.

Souji: Why am I different? Please don’t make me your love counsel.

Toshizo: Ha ha. You are!

I think Shiba intentionally got us to like the cute, childlike, and slightly devilish Souji to make the next part hurt. Souji did not die in battle. Instead, he spent a couple of years wasting away due to tuberculosis. Back then, tuberculosis was basically a death sentence. Once you contracted the disease, it was just a question of how long you have. Shiba didn’t go into details in Moeyo Ken, but in Shinsengumi Keppuroku, after about 2 hours of intense fighting at Ikedaya, Souji started coughing blood. Of course, he was such a badass he managed to chop off his assailant’s head before passing out8. The first time we saw him cough blood in Moeyo Ken was when he chased after Yamanami. (His illness was foreshadowed early on.)

Yamanami Keisuke decided he was done with the Shinsengumi. As you may recall, leaving the group was punishable by death and Toshizo was not going to make an exception. Even though Souji looked at Yamanami like a brother, Toshizo sent him to bring Yamanami back. For the first time in the novel, Souji looked horrified but he still complied. He set out on horseback but because of the cold winter air, he started coughing. He saw the blood on his gloves and thought "I'm going to die soon", though not with sadness or fear. He never seemed too bothered by his own mortality. Souji found Yamanami, who simply said had Toshizo sent anyone else, he'd kill him. Souji told Yamanami he could kill him and make a run for it. Perhaps Souji knew he was going to die anyway and was willing to let Yamanami escape? It didn't matter. Yamanami accepted his fate and asked Souji to be his second for his seppuku.

Souji was basically bedridden in the second volume, rapidly losing weight because he couldn't eat properly. He stopped taking all medicine except for Toshizo's family medicine because Toshizo told him those were effective. Like all fictional characters, as he got sicker, he grew more beautiful and "translucent" (透明感). One thing that never changed was his brilliant smile. He was so blasé about his inevitable death that Kondo found it fascinating.

He still had some pride though. When Yamazaki died, the squad decided to give him a funeral at sea and Souji went with them. He insisted on walking up and down the stairs by himself because he didn't want people see the captain of the first unit be so weak that he needed to be carried. At that time, he already lost half his lung capacity, so even the simple task of walking was a struggle. That didn't stop him from teasing Toshizo when he got a chance.

Perhaps nobody saw the end of Shinsengumi better than this dying young man. The night before the Toba-Fushimi battle, Toshizo went to see him. After talking, Souji suddenly looked at the ceiling and said "Youth is over." Was he talking about himself, or about the many Shinsengumi brothers who would die in the upcoming battles? Toshizo cried.

Even when he was sick, he still worried about Toshizo's love life. 😅 He made sure Toshizo knew Oyuki had moved to Osaka so he could see her. Before he died, Souji also asked a friend to look after Oyuki and made sure she could go see Toshizo in Hakodate afterwards.

Souji spent his final days back home. His sister, Mitsu, tried to stay with him for as long as she could but her husband would be transferred to Edo at any moment. When that day came, she would have to say goodbye to her baby brother forever. That day eventually came. When Souji heard the news, his face was crestfallen for a second before regaining his trademark smile. He held out his now bony hand for Mitsu to hold, but she didn't understand. The siblings talked about some trivial things and their parents. Suddenly, Souji asked, "When dad died, I was just 5 or 6. When I die, will I see them there?" Mitsu finally understood why he wanted her to hold his hand. "Don't be silly. You still have to get better and get a wife." Souji didn't answer. He just asked, "after I'm gone, will there be anyone to light an incense for me (i.e. remember me)?"

Around a month later, they found him dead, collapsed in the hallway, clutching his favorite sword. Legend said he was trying to kill a black cat (a bad omen) but instead, he lost his life. He was buried in the family plot in Tokyo. The following obituary was written about his short life.

"Okita Souji Kaneyoshi studied under Kondo Shusuke, the 3rd heir of Tennen Rishin Ryo since a young age and shown some talent. When he was 12, he faced Oahu Shirakawa Abe clan (?) in a duel and won. He made a name for himself in that clan.

Souji, formerly Sojiro Harumasa, later changed his name to Kaneyoshi. In the 3rd year of the Bankyu era, he joined the newly established Shinsengumi. At the tender age of 20, he became the assistant to the vice commander and captain of the first unit, participating in many missions.

_Unfortunately, life wasn't fair and he was not able to live to an old age. On the 30th day of May in the 4th year of the Keio era, he regretfully passed away." _

He was 24. Even though Kondo was executed a month before, he never found out about it. He died still believing his two “brothers” were alive, still fighting for their dreams.

Okita Souji in Moeyo Ken could seem a bit one dimensional - cute, cheerful, childlike. But was he? Souji was also the captain of the first unit, who probably had one of the highest kill count in the squad. Perhaps his desire to do anything to protect his beloved “brothers” outweigh his gentle nature. As so little was known about Souji, it would remain a mystery.

Notes

Back then, many marriages were arranged so the relationships might not be that great. Guys with Hijikata's rank typically had a mistress or two. Kondo had 3 separate households in Kyoto. ↩︎

In Shinsegumi Keppuroku’s “Assasination of Serizawa Kamo” chapter, which Harada mistakenly attributed to Moeyo Ken in his director’s comment on the movie’s website. ↩︎

Supposedly people in that period were pretty open about sex. So there were these festivals held at the temple where you could look for willing partners. Then they turned off the lights and you get down to business in the dark with the partner of your chose earlier. ↩︎

He was 15 when he tried to sign up with the Shinsengumi before the Toba-Fushimi battle. Although Hijikata knew he was lying about his age, he kept Ichimura as his koshou (page) because he looked like Souji. 😏 ↩︎

There is some debate as to whether the bullet came from the enemy side or his own side. ↩︎

There is very little known about Okita Souji as there were no photos or drawings. There were some fake photos online plus a drawing of what they thought he looked like based on pictures of his grand-nephew, although his family said he didn’t look like that painting. In some records, it was said that Okita was tall, his face was like a flounder, and he slouched, although he had a friendly smile. In another account, he was small and cute. In live action shows, he is generally depicted as having the Samurai / bald hairstyle. ↩︎

Here's a sample: "Even if a single plum flower blossoms, a plum is a plum." Yeah, I’m not sure what that means either. https://mag.japaaan.com/archives/27079 ↩︎

Apparently, once you start to cough blood, you don’t have long to live. Ikedaya happened a while before Souji’s death and since then, he participated in a few other missions, so it is quite unlikely he passed out due to TB. It is generally thought that he passed out due to an unrelated illness or heat stroke. ↩︎

#moeyo ken #novel #recap #okada junichi #shibasaki kou #suzuki ryohei #yamada ryosuke #ito hideaki

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weditchthemap · 5 years ago

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A Reflection on Zero Waste Living in a Consumer-Driven Capitalist World

Overview of Article

After spending two weeks volunteering on a sustainable, zero waste, farm I was inspired to take a deeper look into the concept of “zero waste.” This blog examines what waste is, the impact of wasted/unused food, how our environment is being destroyed, and the detrimental consequences of compulsory consumerism. I also elaborate on the zero waste techniques and principles that I learned while living on the farm. This is by no means a comprehensive guide to zero waste as the subject matter is vast and research continues to grow but I hope it provides some valuable insight and illuminates the magnitude of the issues we and our planet face. Perhaps it will inspire you to incorporate selected practices into your own life.

Why We Chose to Live a Zero Waste Lifestyle for Two Weeks

After we returned from our first trip traveling around the world we took up a minimalist lifestyle. We joined, and I later became president of, the official Philadelphia branch of the minimalist movement. We became increasingly aware of our consumption of resources. During our journey into minimalism—be it through social meetups, lectures, or our own research—we repeatedly came across the phrase zero waste. We had a loose idea of what this meant but wanted to explore the lifestyle further…enter volunteering on a Zero Waste farm on the Turkish Riviera.

Sylvie and I arrived at our zero waste farm in Dalyan, Turkey with the mid-July heat in full effect. We had found the farm using workaway—a website connecting traveling volunteers with local hosts. You can read our past experiences along with what to expect from workaway. We have volunteered around the world more than a handful of times, often working on organic farms, but this would be our first zero waste experience.

What Does Zero Waste Mean

Initially I did not like the term zero waste. I felt the phrase to be a result of deceptive marketeers trying to push an agenda, on par with suggesting that eating chocolate is good for your heart and that American cereal is actually part of a well-balanced diet. The idea of producing absolutely no waste is thermodynamically impossible—our utter existence creates waste. However after a few days my understanding shifted as I became more open to the concept—the idea is more of a goal than a hard target.

The Term Zero Waste refers to a “set of principles focused on waste prevention that encourages the redesign of resource life cycles so that all products are reused. The goal is for no trash to be sent to landfills, incinerators, or the ocean.” ref. The focus of zero waste is on waste prevention as opposed to end-of-pipe waste management. Because of our consumerist-driven culture we cannot rely on companies to make these changes for us as it is in direct opposition with capitalism and its profit maximizing objective ...a grassroots effort from the consumers is the only meaningful way to implement these principles on any scale. This idea is later discussed under the productization section.

What is Waste?

Most people consider waste to be stuff that they no longer have a use for and therefore end up tossing it out with the garbage. Most people see empty plastic bottles, unused food scraps, chipped tiles, and broken electronics as waste. Thanks, in part to our consumer-driven culture, we associate many items as being trash after their initial use. We buy a widget, use it until its initial purpose is consumed and then throw it in the circular teleportation device that magically empties itself on a weekly basis, for me it was on Thursday mornings.

Some of our waste ends up in landfills that are run by private companies that profit from storing as much waste as possible. Some local regulations are in place about site management but it would go against shareholder interest for a company controlling a landfill to take any precautions above the bare minimum. Landfills contribute to climate change, toxic soil, and a mound of other issues. The volume of our trash that does not end up in domestic landfills gets sold to developing countries with even lower standards of waste removal. Over 40% of all waste ends up in uncontrolled dump sites—much of this trash ends up in our oceans.

Waste Stats:

14 billion lbs. of garbage is dumped into our oceans each year. Most of it being toxic to marine life.

The average American produces 4.4 lbs. (2kg) of trash per day (that’s over 1600 lbs. of trash per person in one year).

Americans make up 5% of the world’s population but contribute 40% to the world’s total waste.

Most communities spend more money on waste management than on schoolbooks, fire protection, libraries, and parks.

If the 140 million cell phones which are thrown out annually in the US were recycled they would save enough energy to power 25000 homes for a year.

What we did on the farm to reduce waste:

During our time on the farm we revamped our perception of what trash is. We considered not only the primary use of something but its usefulness after its initial consumption. Things that we could not find a sustainable use for were not purchased and taken back to the farm. Shopping at local markets allowed us to rid our shopping bags of unnecessary plastic packaging. We created a beautiful mosaic in the bathroom using broken tiles that we salvaged from a construction site. We turned Sylvie’s broken straw hat into a small dish to hold teabags. We tied the tomato plants and gourd vines using strands of hemp and twine. We built a shelving system using an old door along with some wood from a broken piece of furniture. I learned that a consumerist’s trash can be repurposed in a multitude of ways—a task that really gets the creative juices flowing.

Water Waste and Why it Matters

For people living near a seemingly endless supply of fresh water it is hard to imagine what water waste is. There are several impacts of water waste but I will only mention two of them. First the process to recover water used in our houses and businesses requires energy. Saving water saves energy and limits the use of harsh chemicals and therefore reduces global emissions. The second reason is a bit more complicated as it has to do with the water cycle. When a farmer waters their crop the water goes into the ground and may take hundreds of years to end up in a reservoir of some type. Because our continual use/waste outpaces the time it takes the water to return to the aquifers we are quite literally reducing the fixed amount of usable fresh water. A water-rich region that wastes water is stealing the water from future generations of water-poor regions around the world.

Water Waste Stats:

The average American uses around 575 liters (152 gallon) of water per day, more than 2x the average European and over 30x the average person living in a developing country.

Less than 1% of the world’s water is freshwater and available for us to consume (not trapped in glaciers).

A European Commission's Joint Research Centre study found that serious conflicts over water are going to arise around the globe in coming years.

1 glass of milk requires 1000 liters of water.

What We did on the Farm to Reduce Water Waste:

On the farm we limited the showers we took—though I’m not sure rinsing ourselves with a garden hose would constitute as a shower anyways. Most of the volunteers cleaned themselves daily by jumping into the nearby river. The only faucet in the house was shared by 10 people and I would estimate that the total time the water ran in a given day was less than 60 seconds. We had a system in place for how to clean dishes. After meals we would heat a small amount of water and place it into a bucket. The water was then mixed with soap and we hand washed our dishes. Afterwards we rinsed the soap off using a second small bucket of water. After spraying the dishes with a 3% hydrogen peroxide mixture we set them to dry. A few gallons of water was all it took to wash all the dishes of 10 people for 3 meals in an entire day. When watering the plants we made sure to focus on the roots, which also helped to limit soil erosion.

Food Waste and Why You Should Care

25% of the world’s fresh water supply is used to grow food that is never eaten—food waste is an extension of water waste.

Additionally, the solid waste in landfills decomposes into methane while waste exposed to the air decomposes into carbon dioxide. Methane is a gas with a greenhouse effect 25x greater than that of carbon dioxide. Basically when solid waste goes to a landfill it contributes to climate change 25x more than if it was composted or even left rotting on a vine.

Then there are other aspects of food waste such as energy consumption used to produce, transport, and store the extra food. I won’t even mention the havoc that synthetic fertilizer has on our environment.

Food Waste Stats:

1 kg of unused beef equates to the same water wastage as keeping a shower continually running for 4 days and 8 hours [50000 liters].

America alone wastes over $160 billion a year in food waste.

Americans throw out 43000000 lbs. of food each day (tossing away more than half of all food).

The food wasted worldwide could feed half our globe’s population.

If food waste were a country it would be the third largest emitter of greenhouse gases.

Over half of all food waste takes place in the home.

What we did on the farm to reduce food waste:

We would not cook more grains until we ate what was left from prior meals. Sometimes rice, bulgur, and lentils would last us 3 days. By day 3 we would get creative by mixing all types of leftovers into new and unique mixtures of food. We would feed our food scraps to the ducks and chickens the following day while items that had no nutritional content would be added to the compost pile. We also ate only locally grown food to limit our energy use as transporting foods comes at a large energy cost.

The Problem with Productization, Why We Cannot Count on Companies

Let’s face it, we live in a consumerist world that is driven by capitalism. Companies make and sell products, that’s just what they do. They may state to have multiple objectives but their primary aim is to make money for their shareholders—you can actually sue a company that makes a decision that is not in line with making the most money. I get sick after watching 1 episode of Shark Tank—you will see people more interested in “making it big” than on how to substantially improve humanity. We now live in a world where our culture values making money over helping people. If we value our own well-being over our neighbors how the hell are we going to get people to care about something as abstract as our planet? Most people are somewhat conscience of this problem but are too lazy, or maybe too brainwashed, and will look to companies for solutions. A consumer buying a product that marketers promise to be sustainable, green, or use recycled material is only falling victim to the trap of capitalist-driven productization.

A large problem with capitalism is that it is shortsighted, allowing for single entities to consume resources for immediate gain without providing an equal level of responsibility to its long-term damage/impact. Think about old mining towns, fishing villages, coal plants, oil wells, diamond mines, etc. where companies profit from the resources in that region. 10 years later the executives are sitting on their multi-million dollar yachts while people in the towns struggle to pay their health bills. This is what I mean by direct gain without long-term responsibility. The notion that a few people benefit at the expense of the many is what disgusts me of capitalism. Resources are finite and capitalism only aids to redistribute them. Gold into money, land into money, labor into money, etc. This mentality has been running at full throttle for decades and has left the masses morally bankrupt and in the endless pursuit of the proverbial carrot. This system was built during a time when there was enough abundance to be shared but we no longer live in that world. Did you know a young couple could actually support themselves through grad school with children working part time jobs only 50 years ago. Fat chance now! Capitalism, by its own nature, will continually concentrate our limited resources to fewer and fewer entities. Class warfare anyone?

I propose a system where we stop treating everyone and everything as a transaction for personal gain. Stop with this illusion of branding and image, it’s as fake as the photoshopped legs on this year’s Sports Illustrated cover model. Everyone will get old and wrinkled and your new car or couch will eventually rust or break. Start developing your inner worth and stop buying into this idea where your worth is even remotely connected to dollars and our plastic appearances. Develop your inner worth and you will break free of relying on something else, like a company, to set your worth.

A company may claim to be ‘green’ or use ‘recycled plastic’ but these are marketing tactics to allow a consumer to feel good about their purchase (trust me I worked as a marketing strategy consultant). Any product truly produced in a sustainable manner would be priced out of the market and developed at too low a production level to serve a population other than a regional community. You have to remember that any product you buy from a company has been produced solely for the purpose of maximizing income. Capitalism in America has led to the complete disconnection between the products we buy in the store and the impacts of its production. Thank you corporate America for successfully making profit your primary goal (read with sarcasm). I am not suggesting that buying things are bad but the market in which we participate does matter, has an impact, and is a form of activism.

— Below is an example of how a profit-maximizing company runs an egg production business where money is the prime objective. —

Egg production in profit maximizing company:

Since land, shelter, and equipment cost money chickens are crammed inside a warehouse to provide the largest yield per acre. Hens are crammed so closely that they do not have room to open their wings.

During sorting male chickens are thrown into a shredder since they are considered waste as they do not lay eggs and therefore do not generate revenue.

Hens have portions of their beaks burned off to prevent pecking each other to death (this phenomenon occurs when hens are forced to live in tightly confined spaces)

The areas are so cramped that the chickens defecate and urinate on themselves.

The light in the factories is constantly manipulated to maximize egg production.

Occasionally hens are fed reduced-calorie diets to induce an extra laying cycle every so often.

Chickens are fed corn, an unnatural diet, as it is the cheapest form of calories thanks to government subsidized production.

Even companies that market ‘free-range’ only have their chickens free to range for a few weeks of their life before being locked into their cages where they will lay eggs for the rest of their short lives.

After 2 years of these extreme conditions they are bulk sold to the pet food industry, studies have shown that over 30% of these chickens suffer from broken bones due to neglect and harsh living condition.

Read this article to learn more about the realities of egg production. You can also watch the video below!

The more you look into how our products are made—and you don’t have to look too far— the more you can see how disgraceful our profit optimizing system has become. It’s all driven by maximizing revenue and minimizing costs—or profit as it is called in the business world. Did you ever stop to consider that you food you are buying for your dog may be helping to promote the harsh conditions in the egg production industry, or the devastating impacts of the overproduction of corn and monocropping, or the damages synthetic fertilizers are causing?

Eggs are not just products! When will we start caring about the processes that create our outputs? As long as America’s materialist greed for the never-ending desire for more prevails we will be stuck with this problem at a cultural level but it doesn’t have to stop there. The choices you make and the things you buy are a form of activism.

The creation of products, or productization, is the problem—companies create things for us to buy. This creates a culture where consumers look to companies for ‘solutions’ to their ‘problems’—though smart marketers will often create problems consumers didn’t even know they had. This is why we have products like ‘cage-free egg’ and ‘the impossible burger’. They are marketing their way around the issues that they are creating. The impossible burger, a machined product that is made from more than 20 ingredients/chemicals including genetically engineered yeast, Soy Protein Concentrate, Methylcellulose, Zinc Gluconate, multiple oils, etc. is not the type of thing I want to put inside my body. I think I’ll stick to something less manufactured and something more ‘food-like’.

It has taken me years to recognize that buying the lowest price item almost always costs more, just not in dollars. The only person happy to participate in the low low prices driven by our consumerist-motivated lifestyle is the ignorant consumer. Don’t be one!

Product Waste Stats:

Packaging represents 2/3 of household trash.

4% of the world’s children live in the US but Americans buy (and throw away) 40% of the world’s toys.

Between 8,000 and 10,000 disposable diapers are used and thrown away before an average child is potty-trained.

Disposable diapers will still be in the land fill 300 years after they were put there.

Traveling extensively for several years had already allowed us to break the cycle of thinking we need to consume things being marketed by companies. On the farm we stayed away from packaged product all together. We bought eggs from neighbors that take care of their chickens and let them feed on insects and graze as they please—when the chickens get too old to lay eggs they simply roam free on the property. Did you know that chickens consume crop-eating insects and fertilize the fields at the same time? Our water did not come to us inside a Pepsi-branded bottle but from a local well several kilometers away. We used reusable water bottles like this one here. Sodium bicarbonate was used in place of toothpaste and handmade soap was used in place of shampoo and dish detergent.

Final Words on Zero Waste Living

I realize that living a zero waste lifestyle may not be for everyone—using a composting toilet can be a tough hurdle for most people. I chose to live Zero Waste not because I thought I would make a difference or change the world but because ultimately I have to live with the decisions I make and the person I respect most in this world should be myself. The more we travel the more we are exposed to and it becomes increasingly more difficult to be ignorant to our actions. If you walk away from this article with only one message I hope it’s this, “consider the impacts of your actions and stop living a life of intentional ignorance”. Next time you buy your discounted dog food, cheap gallon of milk, or half-priced pair of jeans ask yourself what their true costs really are.

Don’t forget to pin this article and share it with your friends.

#zero waste #zero-waste #Sustainable #sustainability #recycling #saving the planet #what is zero waste #how to live zero waste #what is a zero waste lifestyle #why is capitalism bad #what is productization #living on a farm in Turkey #Living in Dalya #Dalyan Turkey #volunteering in Turkey #using Workaway to volunteer #traveling the world for free #0 waste #what is zero waste?

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the-christian-walk · 3 years ago

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THE HEART OF THE GOSPEL

Can I pray for you in any way?

Send any prayer requests to [email protected] In Christ, Mark

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The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He appeared to Cephas and then to the Twelve. After that, He appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then He appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.

1 Corinthians 15:3-8

This ends today’s reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

The purpose of the Gospel is to bring the good news of God’s salvation offer through His Son Jesus to all people of the world so that they might not perish in their sins but rather have everlasting life. This is what we looked at in yesterday’s message drawn from the first two verses of 1 Corinthians 15.

We learn from the purpose of the Gospel that salvation hinges on Jesus, the Savior of the world, the Lamb of God who came to take away the sin of the world (John 1:19), the only One who can bring a person to God the Father (John 14:6).

In other words, Jesus is the heart of the Gospel.

This is the message we find the Apostle Paul sharing as he continues to write to the Corinthian believers in chapter 15. Here’s what he said:

Note that the Gospel wasn’t something constructed by Paul. He was only passing on what he had received. Paul had heard the good news of salvation himself after his Damascus moment with Jesus (see Acts 9:1-19) and when he chose to believe and follow Jesus, he also responded to the Great Commission with absolute commitment, heading out on four different missionary journeys to try and make disciples of all nations. One of those missionary journeys brought him to Corinth and he shared the good news of salvation through Jesus as a point of first importance. Nothing was more significant than helping the Corinthians to be saved.

Well, just in case the church in Corinth had forgotten Paul’s Gospel message, he gives them a refresher in our verses for today. Here’s a summation of what he wrote:

1. Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures.

The coming of Jesus was foretold well before He actually was sent by God from Heaven to earth. The prophets told of a coming Messiah who would deliver the people of Israel. When Jesus came, He proclaimed Himself as the long awaited Messiah and made it clear as to why He had come. A holy, once and for all, atoning sacrifice was needed in order to pardon the sins of mankind. An animal wouldn’t do.

This sacrifice had to be perfectly sinless and no person on earth lived up to that qualification. Only God could provide the One who could achieve His salvation purpose and that One was Jesus, His Son, the man who represents the heart of the Gospel.

2. He was buried (and) that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures

Jesus told of what would happen to Him. Here’s what He said:

When they came together in Galilee, He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill Him, and on the third day He will be raised to life.” Matthew 17:22-23

Jesus’ words became a part of the scriptures and everything He said would happen, did happen. After His death by crucifixion on Calvary’s cross, Jesus’ body was placed in a tomb by Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus where it remained until the third day. At dawn that day, women went to the tomb to anoint it but found the tomb empty. An angel asked them why they were looking for the living among the dead because Jesus was very much alive, resurrected by His Father God.

3. He appeared to Cephas and then to the Twelve. After that, He appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers and sisters at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then He appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.

Jesus didn’t just rely on the angel’s words convincing people He was still alive. He revealed Himself in person, first to the women who had come to pay Him honor, then to Peter (Cephas) before He appeared to His other chose disciples. He then showed Himself to more than 500 believers, James, to all the apostles, and then to Paul himself.

Many saw that Jesus had come back to life just as He said He would. They were eyewitnesses to the revelation of God’s salvation promise fulfilled through Jesus, His Son.

Today, we are still celebrating Jesus and the salvation we have in Him. In return, He continues to reveal Himself more and more to us through the scriptures. One day, we will be with Him forever and inherit the new kingdom of God because our eternal hope is secure through Christ, the Savior who is the heart of the Gospel.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to [email protected]

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jiang-xinfei · 3 years ago

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Ok! Great news! Cause I finally have a backstory of jiang-xinfei which is gonna turn into wei-xinfei!

At first I thought being the daughter of wangxian or being the soul inside Stygian seal/yin iron that instead of a normal immortal that doesn't include in politics a-fei was different she turned into an immortal at the age of 18-22 and made the yin iron to sleep in/live in and that because the Yin iron was a powerful spiritual tool that xue chonghai fed resentful energy and xinfei couldn't resist it cause after all she was sealed there and put into sleep and when Stygian seal was created and destroyed although she has still his memories and all her original body turned into 10 yr old child and once the Stygian seal was purified she was able to get out and welp adopted by wangxian in the process.

But I got a better and well angstier ver! And I'm making it! 😃

So me like irl me died by accidentally falling into a pit as to why I'm there? Well I was lost on camping and that wasn't supposed to happen and "god" (heavenly officials) gave me a choice to be reincarnated as wwx older sister! And ofc I said yes cause I'm Overly obsessed by wwx story especially him and I love him(non-romantic) sooo I said yes(yes it is tgcf x mdzs au maybe even svsss idk) and since it a mistake death they gave me a chance to choose one of my belongings to become my spiritual tool and well obviously I chose the phone(in another world with my smartphone ref:)

And this is where it starts

And the process of reincarnation happens the rebirth of "insert name" and the birth of the first born child of the Weis wei-yue courtesy name xinfei and since I'm planning to at least lessen wwx burdens or entirely changing the past the moment wwx was born I spoiled and coddled him like no tmr all I did was for him and well he needed it cause in this world wwx was vulnerable towards resentment because resentment gathers towards him more than spiritual and since were a sanren blood also known as the disciples of balance it literally means everything needs to be balanced we can filter resentment to spiritual, or if were in a place theres no resentment we can filter spiritual to resentment, once the energy is slightly tilted off your life is in danger but not to much to death but slowly and wwx was overflowing of resentment and attracted resentment rather than both so he was always in bed or whenever we travelled he has to stay back or always near cangse, not allowed to walk, play around, and etc. Or he'll pass out

And when wwx was 3 and bedridden and we needed to meet the jiangs(I was 6) wwx stayed behind with only weichangze greeting and leaving right after

Before he left He was about to say that he needed to take care of wwx but I intervene and told jfm that wei-xinfei my younger sister needed father to take care of her since she was very week and was sick,I sent weichangze a wink letting him know I was kidding around(which I was in fact not) and he wanted to reprimand me but I shooed him away and cangse saw the wink and went along

So I introduced myself playfully as wei-ying courtesy wuxian 3 yrs old and a boy and since me and wwx was a splitting image with eachother like twins although I'm 3 yrs older and the same height as wwx and no i am not short wwx is just incredibly tall for his age(I'm sure in the future although I'm shorter than him I'm taller than an average girl) and not to mention I act like him only a bit calm and reserve sometimes but nonetheless I'm a splitting image of him (not that I was acting ofc it's just the fact that I'm reincarnated in the world I love and the mere fact I can lift wwx my favorite character/person his burdens up excited me to the point my hidden personality of causing mischief, pranks,curiosity, cheerful, funny, kind, caring, and self-awareness hidden by that bored lazy doesn't give 2 shits about the world persona that I built up washed away) so yes I'm a splitting image of wwx and also I kinda dressed like a boy especially like wwx does in the future like wearing black and red or anything that is black

(So jfm didn't notice anything when he came to pick wwx up later)

Anyways after all of that it was well known in the world that the youngest child of the Wei family I, Wei-xinfei is a fragile, easily sick, weak at cultivation, in near death kid. Not the genius, powerful core that is even as strong as changze(who although is weak compared to everyone but was still not strong compared to normal cultivators)who accidentally made a spiritual tool like yu ziyuans famous first class spiritual tool zidian by accident 😀in the cultivation world

Wei changze thought it was a bad idea that xinfei was known as weak and etc. But I said I like working in the shadows rather than up front and besides they'll know eventually anyways. So they left it at that and by the age of 8 weichangze and cangse sanren died

But we never went into the streets my plan was to bring us to our grandmasters mountain to train there but me and wwx always ends up late everytime we went there since the entrance of baoshan sanren was at random times it was almost impossible to know where it will open up if not for my phone so since we were always late and since I made/saved upmoney before our parents died with the help of my beautifully crafted toys and accessories we were able to meet ends meet for a year but that it our savings was dried so I made accessories that gives a lot of money and toys to sell to the shops loads of them at the same time thought wwx about balance and selfishness derailed him with it including some selfesness but always reminded him to put himself first before everyone else.

At the 3rd yr (wwx 8 Wei xinfei 11)And the entrance to the spirit mountain was opened at burial Mounds since we we were technically not harmed by resentment we can and also pay respects to our family we can go in with this no problem.

Unfortunately we were too late...

So we came back at the foot of the mountain sold a bunch of the accessories , charms, and toys and stayed for 3 days we sent off our journey we were at the outskirts of yiling when wwx was hit with a concerning fever

And we stopped by a near river to rest and attend to wwx . I left him behind a tree because he can't play in the water when his sick when a dog came and wwx was scared with dogs so he ran away from there with a fever and stopped and he was lost in yilling his head panging he stopped at an alleyway with no dogs and laid down.

While in xinfeis pov she searched for him frantically using whatever she could find with the family navigator it was a fire that glows in ur sub conscious mind to navigate ur blooded family or ur adopted ones although it has its downside if ur balanced just right yin and yang energys u can pinpoint exactly where they are or are they alive while if ur not and ur not balanced and filled with resentment yes u can be assured that the other person is alive the problem is ur sense of direction is clouded because after all resentment is everywhere it can pinpoint a general direction but it was troublesome if ur in a place filled with nothing but resentment while having more spiritual in ur body and not balanced with resentment u can only know there alive nothing is else nothing more there personification is gone in the world to put it simply there spirits and cannot be found though you'll know there very very much alive but that it.

And well yilling is so full of resentment especially with burial Mounds the direction was clouded and the more time went bye I could feel the lost of direction slowly out of earth. Meaning wwx was unconsciously filtering resentment to spiritual energy and his presence was slowly fading in xinfeis mind only seeing the flame brighten more and more. And looked and looked for him but he was never found. Something was getting in between them so they could never meet someone who-no it doesn't want them to meet and it's working it was always there even before like a reminder of what will happen and I just ignored it thinking it was nothing until our parents died it slowly shifted into a warning saying he couldn't stop what will happen and that it was hopeless but he still ignored it now... Now that small warning turned into a threat a threat saying that everything that had happened before will happen again but 100+ worse to both of them. She couldn't ignore it anymore but she couldn't stop it from growing too because she was too weak she can't handle this, this is a new dangerous being that once it's ready it will hunt both of them down growing and waiting in the shadows wanting to use there life, and suffering for amusement. And she hates it. She hates feeling useless but she can't help it.

And since then 3 yrs had passed since xinfei was now 14 and he still couldn't find her little brother she gave up everything about going to their grandmaster learned cultivation herself both resentment and spiritual and kept looking for him she already went to yunmeng but he wasn't there gusu, nie, lan, Jin anywhere he wasn't there or more specifically the thing his wwx his yingying from her... The only thing that she's still grabbing the hope too is the flame that was stronger than ever but thats it.

At the fourth year she came back to yilling just one chance and goes to the alleyway wwx was going to be picked up by yunmeng but... He wasn't there... Nothing was there... No life that indicated someone was living there... She... She changed the past... Again... And she didn't have any control of it... And it scared her... That somehow her existence here made everything worse... That somehow she was at fault... And that broke her she cried and cried in that alleyway didn't acre what the people looks sent to her. She just cried and cried.. .

And then a hand reached out to her.

It was the one and only legendary baoshan sanren the mother of her mom, her other family that is alive and well aside a-ying, her grand master, there grandmother...

Lol I might make another one but I'm really sleepy and shit I'll just finish this later as a head canon style or prompt style idc anyways bye!

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treadmilltreats · 4 years ago

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We all need to own what we do

We all need to own what we do in our lives. You need to stand up and own who you are and the choices you made. I write this blog every day, I put myself out there to be judged every day. I own each and every mistake I made and then I place it out here for you to see.

I owned that I stayed in a horrible abusive marriage for 24 years, I owned that I had an emotional affair for the last five years of that marriage. I owned that after I got separated, that I fell in love with a man who wouldn't or couldn't love me back. After my divorce, I owned that I was taken in by a con artist who lied and cheated on me with 3 other women and was still married. I own that I chose the next 3 relationships and that they too were narcissistic,passive aggressive men that followed in the path of the other men I picked. I owned that clearly, there was something wrong with me that I kept picking these types of men and I took myself to counselling to get the help I needed.

These are my mistakes and I fully stand up and take responsibility for all of them. You can't blame people for your mistakes, you can't say because I got caught, it is all your fault. If you want to grow and change, you must grow up and deal with the aftermath of what you have done, it is only then you will be able to change.

I remember being with my girls in Ny and I was driving their Aunt Pam's car and when we drove it into the garage, I opened the hatch not knowing the ceiling wasn't high enough. I heard a sickening sound and we got out to see what we did. There was a dent in the back of her trunk.

My girls who were young at the time, said "Mommy, don't tell Aunt Pam, she will get mad, and if we don't say anything she won't know" I said "No, but I will, I did this, and I have to own this" So I marched them upstairs to apologize and offer to pay to fix it. Come to find out the dent was there from before and not from us.

It didn't matter, I taught them to do the right thing, for them to own what they do, then to apologize and take responsibility to try to make things right. We grow, we learn, we change, hopefully for the better but unless you're willing to step up and deal with your issues, you will never go on to your next level.

So today my friends, own up, look at your life and take responsibility for your part, believe me it's not so bad, at least you're not doing it in front of thousands of people like I do each and every day. Then learn the lesson, forgive yourself and let it go.

That is what I am doing today, I am forgiving myself and letting it go. Life is too short for regrets! Live it big, live it to the fullest, live it with a clear heart, just live it!

Be the change you want to see"

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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redditnosleep · 7 years ago

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The Terrifying Note Addressed To My Six-year-old Son

by Creeping_dread

This story has a free audiobook available!

There’s a certain terror in knowing your life is on a totally different path than the one you intended and there isn’t a damn thing you can do to stop it. Four days ago I could have looked out over the next 2-3, even 5 years, and said I pretty much know how things are gonna go. Well, not anymore. Even though every day is a living nightmare, it’s not knowing what tomorrow may bring that scares me so much.

Carrie and I started speaking to each other yesterday afternoon sometime. Just short conversations here and there, but it’s a start. My heart still feels broken, but my worry for her well-being is starting to trump my own feelings. She’s barely eating, for one. And if it’s possible to lose significant weight in the span of a couple days, she has. She was already thin enough to begin with. When she looks at me, I can almost read her thoughts through those puffy eyes: I wish I could take it all back. But I can’t.

There’s something else I’ve been considering: it’s entirely possible that Carrie was drugged. Cheating on me with a stranger in his car doesn’t seem like the Carrie I know. It just feels wrong. If the person who left those fucked up notes/took Andrew and the person who took Carrie down to the river are the same person, the idea that she was roofied is that much more plausible.

And I can’t help thinking Carrie saved her own life when she blocked “Ray’s” number from her phone. She may not have survived a second meeting.

Still, that stupid, smirking, voice is always there, whispering in the background. You’re so gullible, Dean. She CHEATED. And if what she says IS true, WHY did she hide it from you? Why, indeed. Shame, obviously. Or maybe she just didn’t want to get caught? It’s hard to ignore that voice, but I’m trying.

Detective Carr dropped by to interview Carrie around 4 yesterday. He thought she’d be more open about her experience with “Ray” if she didn’t have to talk about it in front of me, so I sat outside on the porch while they talked, that jealous little voice badgering me the entire time. When they were done, Carrie left the house to run an errand and Carr and I talked in the living room.

Of course, the police department had gotten dozens of calls after the radio show, which had sent our little town into a tailspin. I guess giving a name and a persona to this psychopath—whether correct or not—had really touched a nerve. People were reporting every single little “suspicious” thing they saw, which left a lot of work for Carr and his team. Every person that wore a hoodie, acted strangely, or was in an area they wouldn’t normally have been in was reported. The mall canceled its Easter Bunny pictures, which were supposed to take place each day of the week leading up to Easter. I’d gotten a text from Kyle’s coach explaining Kyle’s tee-ball season was canceled, too. Temporarily, at least. No one wanted to be responsible for another child being taken.

Leads needed to be followed, no matter how small, Carr said, but he knew he’d be lucky if any of them amounted to anything.

Before he left, I asked Carr bout what was going on at 3 Orange Circle. Had they found anything? He said the construction crew had finished breaking up the concrete floor and hauling it out just after lunch. He was waiting on the forensics guys—he laughed when he said it, it was really just two police officers with some special training in collecting evidence—to get over there and start digging. Even though he’d already refused to share it with me, I pressed him again about the evidence he’d found. He looked like he was mulling it over in his mind, then told me he could show me one thing. He retrieved his phone from his pocket, flipped through some pictures, and held the phone up to my face.

The picture on the screen showed a polaroid photograph laying on a scuffed wooden floor. The lighting was dim, so it was a little hard to see. For a split second, I thought it was a picture of Carrie. The blonde hair, pulled back tightly like a cheerleader’s, was almost identical. Then I realized who it was.

Suzanne Kerrington, Carr offered. Then, when he saw my face, Yes, I see the similarity. When I asked whether he thought this was all about Carrie the entire time, he shrugged. I’m not sure about that, yet. It’s an odd coincidence, if not. I thought he may agree to show me what else he’d found, but he demurred, glancing at his watch. I’ve been here too long as it is. Every minute is precious when you have a child missing.

A little after he left, I got a text message. It was from Ryan, a friend of mine whose son played on Kyle’s tee ball team. I’d kept him up to date on what was happening. Thought you might want to see this, the text read.

Below the message was a screen shot of a text message Ryan had received from Andrew’s dad. It said: What the fuck does this mean?. A picture of a note was attached below it.

I’m going to keep this short and sweet

before things get too scary.

If you want to know why

I chose Andrew to die,

you better ask Dean and Carrie.

I felt like throwing up. Who did this sick fuck think he was? It wasn’t enough to terrorize us—now he wanted to turn the entire community against us!

I had no idea why he chose Andrew! The only thing I did know—or THINK I knew, especially after seeing the picture of Suzanne that looked identical to Carrie—was that this was never about Kyle. Or Andrew. Not really. It seemed like he was targeting Carrie the entire time.

Actually, one other thing was certain: he wanted to destroy our reputation in the community. That’s why he had left that note for Andrew’s dad. I knew the picture would make the rounds, and Carrie’s and my name would be dragged through the mud. No doubt. But then, that voice was at it again. Gullible. Sucker. What if it’s more than that?

When Carrie got back from her errand, I showed her the picture.

Me: Any idea what this means? Is there something you’re not telling me?

Carrie: (Eyes wide and pleading) No Dean, I swear to God. I have no idea what this means. (She grabbed my phone and read the note again.) He’s sick. That’s what it is. He’s sick and he’s trying to destroy us.

Me: Well, he was telling the truth in the last note. Why lie in this one?

Carrie: (She grabbed my arm. It was the first time we’d touched since the day before). I have a lot of groveling to do. I get that. But please, if you’re ever trusted me—if you have any love for me left, any single solitary little bit—believe me now. Please. Believe me. I don’t know what this means.

She held my eyes with hers, and in that moment, I believed her. The little voice was silent.

I dropped the phone in frustration.

Me: What are we going to do?

Carrie: I don’t know, Dean. I just hope Andrew is okay. Do you think they’ll find him?

Me: (That reminded me of something). Oh, tomorrow at church will you ask Glenda in the front office if you can look at the church’s membership records? I assume Detective Carr will be by there, now that he’s talked to you, but maybe we can get a head start on it. I want to see if there’s a Ray listed anywhere.

Carrie: Okay. Are you going with me?

Me: I don’t think so. I don’t feel very close to God right now.

She looked like the words hurt her, but she also looked like she understood.

This morning, Carrie went to Union Street and met Glenda before Sunday school. The church didn’t keep any digital membership records, but Glenda did find a box with all of the membership bulletins for the last ten years. The kind with each member’s picture and their name underneath. When Carrie called, her words were dripping with disappointment. She couldn’t find anyone named Ray or Raymond. She asked Glenda to make a copy of each of them for Detective Carr and said he’d probably be by later to pick them up.

While Carrie was at church, I got a call from Ryan. Apparently, a lot of the dads are upset that the entire tee ball season was canceled. I know some of these guys, and you probably know some guys just like them. They have big trucks and guns, and they feel like they could protect their sons just fine if they were allowed to continue the season. I sort of agree with them, deep down, but I also understand its better to be cautious. Andrew was taken right out from under his dad’s nose, after all.

Ryan isn’t as bad as some of them, but he also agrees that this psychopath wouldn’t make a move out in the open like that.

So,they were supposed to have a “practice” game today at 1:00. Just to get some of the kids together at the field and let them feel like they’re actually getting to play. Full dress, scoreboard, ref, all that. The problem was, none of the dads could get in touch with the head ref. Some of the dads had been texting and calling him since the season was cancelled, but they hadn’t gotten a response. That's what Ryan had called about. To bitch about the refs.

The call was breaking up, but I thought Ryan said Ray’s usually here whenever we need him. He loves doing these games. He’s out here every chance he can get.

Me: Wait a minute. Say that again.

Ryan: I said Jay’s usually out here. But he won’t answer his phone.

Me: Shit, you just about gave me a heart attack. Jay who? Do I know him?

Ryan: Jayson Fisher. He’s been the head ref for a while.

Me: Who’s his kid?

Ryan: Doesn’t have any kids of his own. Just likes tee ball, I guess.

When he said it, something went off in my brain. Like a bell tinkling.

Me: How old is Jay?

Ryan: Uh, I don’t know, close to our age. Forties.

My heart started to thump in my chest.

Me: And you haven’t talked to him in a couple days? Any idea why?

Ryan: No, like I said, he usually texts back. He’s the one who assigns the other refs when he can’t make it. I guess I’ll need to track down someone else’s phone number.

Me: Keep trying to reach him, Ryan. And listen: if you get him, do you mind letting me know?

Ryan: Yeah, why?

Me: I don’t know, maybe I’ll bring Kyle out there.

Ryan: Really, I thought you said….

Me: Just let me know. Okay?

Ryan: Will do.

Me: I gotta run. Talk to you later.

My hands were clammy as I texted Carrie’s phone. Emergency. Please call me back.

About two minutes later, Carrie called, almost hyperventilating.

Carrie: What’s wrong? What happened?

Me: Nothing. Everything’s fine here. I’m sorry I scared you. (She breathed a sigh of relief). I need you to do something for me. Right now. Can you go back to the office? I want you to look for another name. I’ll stay on the phone.

Carrie: Another name? Okay, hold on. (I could hear the phone rustling as she hurried down front steps of the church and around to the side door that led into the office area). Okay, I’m here. The copies Glenda left out for the detective are on the desk.

Me: Carrie, look for a Jayson Fisher. Start in the one farthest back. 2007?

Carrie: Yes, 07. Jayson Fisher? Okay, let me see.

I waited. She was breathing heavily and I could hear her rustling through the pages.

Then, she gasped. When she spoke again, her voice had taken on a new quality. Like that of a frightened animal.

Carrie: Oh God, Dean. Oh God.

Me: What?

Carrie: It’s him, Dean. It’s him! It wasn’t Ray, it was Jay!

Me: Are you sure?

Carrie: Yes, I’m sure. I don’t remember a lot, but I’ll never forget those eyes.

Me: He’s a tee ball ref, Carrie. He took Andrew! I know it.

Carrie: No! Oh my God. I missed Kyle's first game, but I was there for the second. Why didn’t I recognize him?

Me: I don’t know. But I actually spoke to him! During Kyle’s first game, he hit a grounder to the short stop and the ref called him out at first when he was clearly safe. It was a bad call. Everyone said so. And I let him know that. God. That’s why he said I was rude!

Carrie: It’s not your fault, Dean…..

Me: I gotta call Carr. I love you. Bye.

I hung up before she responded, then dialed Carr’s phone. As it rang, I thought: Hold on Andrew. Just a little longer.

#creepy #horror story #stalker #series #author: Creeping_dread #terrifying notes series

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brooklyntobangalore · 7 years ago

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Neurology Rotation

My second week at St. John’s was spent rotating through the Neurology department. The patient cases were interesting and included a variety of pathology, some which I had never seen before (ex. neurocysticercosis; neuromyotonia 1 ) but many which were at least familiar (ex. myasthenia gravis; autoimmune/paraneoplastic encephalopathy; epilepsy; stroke; (possible) ALS).

But the most interesting aspect of the rotation, however, was witnessing how thoroughly the principle of paternalism suffused medical practice on the wards. Our attending – though warm and congenial towards his patients – nevertheless tended to rush through explanations, announce treatment plans without any patient input 2, and was generally unavailable to have more than a cursory discussion with family members. In one memorable exchange, he offered this terse ultimatum to a patient’s family after they had expressed some concern regarding the treatment plan: “You listen to me, or you go.”

Most of the other patients/families we saw adopted a more deferential attitude, whereby they treated the doctors with unquestioned reverence. This particular family, though, seemed to be wealthier, more educated, and thus (I assume) more emboldened to interrogate physician authority. Indeed, our attending actually joked that a patient’s level of education is inversely proportional to physician happiness: more education means more demands for explanations 3, which ultimately places constraints on both the physician’s massive authority and limited time.

To be fair, I think this approach was partly attributable to patient volume rather than physician callousness: it was a busy service, and there simply wasn’t time to sit down and address every single question/concern. In this setting, paternalism seemed like the more efficient option. In discussing with my classmates, we also speculated on the extent to which Indian cultural norms and generational differences were at play.

We learn in medical school that paternalism is bad and that the ideal practice paradigm is a deliberative-interpretative strategy that splits the difference between the patronization of paternalism and the hands-off approach of the informative model 4.

As doctors, we are granted the right and authority to wield the tools of our profession as we see fit, only to have that power constrained by a healthcare model that (rightly) holds patient autonomy and shared decision-making 5 to be sacrosanct. How do we respect a patient’s agency, decision-making capacity, and fundamental values whilst retaining the freedom to practice in ways that we deem to be most appropriate for the patient’s and the public’s welfare 6? How are we to respond when those imperatives conflict with one another?

Our hand-wringing over paternalism is not, then, merely a function of a generational or cultural disconnect. It may instead be emblematic of a more universal frustration about physician power and our (in)abilty to exercise it. We chose to become doctors, after all, in order to act – to be able to do things that we consider medically appropriate and even life-saving. To have agency, in other words. But we sometimes forget that it is not our agency that is paramount, but the patient’s 7. And that though a patient’s demands may be unreasonable, the values that inform those demands aren’t.

I recently finished reading Paul Kalanathi’s memoir When Breath Becomes Air, in which he describes feeling a profound loss of agency as he transitioned from the role of doctor to the role of cancer patient – from one who acts to one who is acted upon 8. None other than Osler himself warned that we mustn’t get so caught up in our own hubris – in our paternalistic certainty that we know how best to act – that we forget that other cherished value of our profession – humility:

“The Art of Detachment, the Virtue of Method, and the Quality of Thoroughness may make you...successful practitioners…, but your character may still lack that which can alone give permanence to powers – the grace of Humility.” – William Osler, Aequanimitas

[1] Neuromyotonia = peripheral nerve hyperexcitability causing spontaneous muscular activity. See: https://youtu.be/-ovFTl77N50?t=50s. Note the ‘bag of worms’ appearance of the fasciculations in the calf muscle – this is exactly what it looked like in the patient we saw. ↩︎

[2] The junior residents were reduced to the role of glorified secretaries who took down and subsequently executed the attending’s orders, without much discussion or teaching. ↩︎

[3] Isn’t this just accountability?? ↩︎

[4] The ‘Emanuel & Emanuel’ model. See: Ezekiel J. Emanuel and Linda L. Emanuel. "Four Models of the Physician-Patient Relationship." JAMA 267:2221-6, 1992. ↩︎

[5] Not to mention cost-containment... ↩︎

[6] Some researchers have advocated for a dynamic model of physician-patient interaction (rather than a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach) that varies according to each individual patient’s extent of medical knowledge; health-related values; and degree of autonomy. See: Agarwal, A. K. and B. B. Murinson (2012). "New Dimensions in Patient–Physician Interaction: Values, Autonomy, and Medical Information in the Patient-Centered Clinical Encounter." Rambam Maimonides Medical Journal 3(3): e0017. ↩︎

[7] Even when we believe their choices and demands to be inconvenient and foolhardy. ↩︎

[8] Indeed, Kalanathi explains the etymological roots of the word ‘patient’ as meaning, in part, ‘the object of an action.’ ↩︎

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ddreamsinc · 4 years ago

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Forget Their RACISM?

We can not forget because just as the results & mistake of welcoming our enemies back into powers after The Civil War & allowed them to continually push their evil agenda without stamping it out but grow into what we see today.

Over 70 million of you demonic people voted for this mess this year. You “spiritual leaders” went so far as to even tell you that God put him as “president” & I agree, God did allow him to win, but only to expose you. As you now have been exposed.

Lil Wayne, 50 cent, & other black celebrities have not only gotten their Black Card revoked, but also their money would have echos in their pockets, black people would not buy, watch, listen, read, nor respect them anymore.

I guess they have to rely on the very people who hate their skin to do those things for now & on. They chose their money & their fame over black people.

The most hated in the hood is a snitch or a sellout. They sold out & soon the American people who show everyone who supported this mess, would soon know.

Yes, they have 70 million followers still to be their customers, but there are 325 million of us in total, so if I can get the others better money & healthier foods & medical care & healing & knowledge to get things done without using white supremacy systems to do it, then cause some of that 70 million to see value in not supporting racism. If it is not too late. Read your Bibles.

But 325 million means some of y’all still didn’t vote. I lean more on the side that “I ain’t voting because it just a waste of time blacks & others but not the racist. S true racists would chance a rally & catching a deadly virus to express his or her joy of racism.

No there were the other forms of “Notgros”. I would get into that at a later date.

That 70 million who did? but I can’t trust you nomo.

If I can’t turn my back or close my eyes around you without you being a supporter of the same people who hung my people for saying & doing & rapping & drawing & inventing

& creating platforms so people could become a business & hire themselves & 2 more with 7 kinds of professionals helping them run that new business

& turning my first customers into rich people after a successful selling of that item sold in that first sale with a uniquely numbered pin from that clubs created & after a specific date & over 100 billion times in transaction to make them rich or richer from it

& helping smaller churches get tithes from their alumni member’s kids from another city or nation.

& releasing a boycott app to that would get equality in the private sector business

& uniting the money my company earns from its capitalism into socialist chains of businesses for free services to the community a facility is set up in. & uniting blacks, brown, yellow, red, & white voters to take bosship over of our company called The United States of America with petitions & boycotts of the lobbying firms other businesses as a group.

It was my nobody vlog is why the people of 2017 wanted me dead & with projects like these, how can you expect me to be silly again? The2HKOPs will be the result & it helps me solve 2 things that troubled me.

One, they didn’t pay our soldiers, agents, & police right. Not for the life to value the job & it is why I turned down the service in the first place. They didn’t pay right, so one day soon, I could do my parts to fix that by these P/T employees of a nonprofit will be paid $1.5 million with 6 months on & 6 months off, since $1.5 million isn’t near close to their Life2Value, so give more time off.

Two, I don’t need security. I did tell you: “God blocked bullets”, so me getting security will saying to Him, “I don’t trust you God to protect me” & I do TRUST HIM, so I don’t need security but I do need people to do security like jobs like Attorneys, Accountants, Private Investigators, Cyber Security, Data Security, Bail Agents, Bounty Hunters, Bouncers, Bodyguards for (High Ranking BOSSICOLs), Estate, Chef, Maids, Gardeners, Nannies, Doctors, Nurses, Mechanic, & Boss Security for Lower Boss Levels Boss Operations per State as their detail.

Expensive? Yes, but my job? If your daddy gave you his bank card & said go & buy & create good stuff so that it would help the people on planet Earth” & His bank account size is unlimited, would you do it?

Me too & so The 7$’s Plan by TheDdreamsInc it is.

If I can’t trust you with my life nor property anymore, why would I trust a person who rather I will be dead to have access to sabotage, this stuff? Because God told me to “Inclusive” was the word directly to me & so I am going to be. But a prophet told: “God said to be careful to whom I show my favor to” & so I have to be careful & balance to how I do this.

How to be inclusive & careful to those I see as a threat to my & my people's life?

How in God’s name would you people on TV expect me to forget it just like that also, I know God even knows that I am going to complain about it before I repent from it later/

I have to be master of my emotions, but you people are testing me really really hard. If we forget, it would happen again after the first time led to over thousands of my people to be murdered & millions to be locked up & millions to die ahead of their time because a government, of both union & confederates, had made policies that targeted my people for poor life expectancies?

Then to also to over 200,0000 deaths because he is an idiot.

70 million of you, maybe safe from losing your jobs & respect from the rest of us, unless your neighbors have seen your signs & they personally lose the respect of you.

That means, 1 out of 3 people in this nation, are my enemies & how can I forget that? These are the same people who massacred my ancestors for wanting fair payment for their sharecropper work of my hometown, Elaine Arkansas Race Massacre of 1919.

The same people who massacred & burned Black Wallstreet because of their jealousy of black greatness. These are the same people who sat in church & prayed with & then murdered my people. Same people. How can I forget that?

President-Elect, Joe Biden’s job is to unite the nation, it is not mine. My job, since I have God’s protection, is to set up our own systems so that we no longer rely on white supremacy’s & there is nothing anyone nor government can do to stop me. God gave me this mission & no evil shall prevail against me.

I have seen His powers do some amazing things & I know why He allowed the 2017 shooting, let the shooter put his bullets on me & not make any holes in me. Because He wanted me to not fear doing my JOB.

We will have our own & you 70 million will still be welcome to play. BUT. You better understand something, if I can’t trust you? I don’t want you around me. So you would have a decision to make before coming to “play” with me.

Yes, a vote for Republican policies & “dump” is a vote against my skin, you voted against my skin & that will take me some time to get over, but I will. Just don’t keep reminding me of by keep doing it.

You didn’t vote for policies, with all of these shreds of evidence of the evil of hate & you still voted for him, nope, you vote for ignorance (black & latinos & others) & of white supremacy (white people).

I do want to thank Kent County Michigan & Detroit & All other Cities & Counties of the black, brown, native Americans, & suburban whites of all of those areas for showing me that I am not alone in the mission. Thank you.

Those of you who voted for “dump” you have to come to me, I would not spend money on trying to recruit you. I would be wasting God’s money. The Blue States seem to be easier locations for The State Level Boss Operations which are the foundation to the 30 kinds of social programs chains & they need BOSSICOLs to do those programs for us & for $500,000 & up as a janitor in our transit system.

And because I know that the blacks in the south are suffering, The Boss States locations will a rural community, converted into a city of 75,000 to 100,000 new homes to house the Boss Operations members & their 8 person staff & on-call employees, we’ll recruit from those States like MISSISSIPPI & relocate them into those locations with those B2B Duty Agreements at $700,000 up to $5,000,000 Boss Pay Out 52 weeks a year.

Then after that states customers request us to expand to that state & I need the majority of people in that State to do so, online & if our budget is set to do? Well, expand to those states too, GOD ORDERS. “Inclusive”. I will not beg to give out God’s $.

Stay Tune, help is coming.

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goreshift · 4 years ago

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Getting Started with Radios in Your Kit

At some point in our unending quest for new, useful gear, most of us have probably at least toyed with the idea of getting some radios and using them for communication. Many people go out and buy a radio, they get discouraged because of the vast amount of complex information a person has to process in order to set up their comms, or any other number of questions this topic conjures up in the heads of people just getting into the use of radio. We hope to go over some of this here, as a primer to get anyone started. For the record, we aren’t ham radio specialists, we have no licensing and we don't hold a desire to radio people on the far side of the globe, communicating in code and call signs. If thats you, great. That skill would certainly be an asset in an emergency situation where cell towers, or the grid in general, was down. For us, we got into radio out of the desire to have effective, cellular-free communication around our compound and in a squad-level mission scenario. Radio also provides access to weather conditions and emergency management channels. You can call for help with a radio. The reasons for having radio capability are numerous, we won't try to sell you on it here. Whichever reason it is that compels you, you must know how to operate your gear and demonstrate a level of proficiency with it. Again, we’re not advocating for everyone to go out and get ham tech certified unless you want to. For our purposes we will discuss here, it isn't necessary. There is a whole world of ham radio enthusiasts out there that involves fairly complex and costly gear and an intimate knowledge of radio that goes beyond our specific needs. We have no need to get a federal callsign and listen to repeaters all night. That being said, we do need to be able to operate handheld radios, tune in to emergency frequencies and know which frequencies we can legally broadcast on without a license. It is also beneficial to know how to program your radio via computer. This allows for fast channel standardization across all of your equipment, which is almost a necessity if you have multiple people in your network running handhelds. It can be logistically frustrating trying to tell someone which frequency to tune their radio to. If all radios are programmed to the same frequencies and channels, this is no longer a problem. On the recommended Baofeng radios, you can also key in channel names via computer for each saved frequency. You can also enter frequencies from the radio's keypad and save them as a channel on the fly, but this is more for saving some new frequency you discover in the field. Doing this for a large number of channels quickly becomes a PITA. There is a multitude of websites with tutorials on programming the Baofeng radio with a computer. I will include some straightforward links at the bottom of this article.

Here at GGL, we absolutely recommend the Baofeng UV5R handheld radios because of a few reasons. They can monitor and transmit on a larger array of bands than most commercially available handhelds, they almost certainly have more power and they're built fairly tough. These things can do alot and they give you access to more frequencies than many other handhelds. They're essentially portable ham radios. We recommend these over the FRS walkie-talkies, MURS, or whatever other 'survival' oriented radios you can find at your local REI. Once you get your radio, you will realize that the antennas can be changed on these Baofengs. We also recommend the Nagoya NA-771. We have a few of these and they increase range by a large margin. They’re about 2-3 times longer than the stock antenna, so be prepared. However, the trade-off you get in range makes it worth it. We also bought a few of the extended batteries for these and a couple MOLLE cases. You dont have to have these strapped to MOLLE for them to be effective cases, it's always good to keep your gear secured and protected. We like the Rothco equipment bags to store all of our handheld gear, and have a composition book inside where we have recorded all local frequencies we know of, FRS frequencies, MURS, and any other frequency that may be useful should our data networks go down. We wont be able to look these up on the internet like we can now, so having them written down prior to a grid failure would be critical. Don't forget to include a few writing quality writing utensils in your bag also. We use Le Pens because they're bold, easy to write with, and easy to read. Remember, all of this gear should be taken care of just like any of your other stuff. Keep it clean, organized, and looked after, and it will last you a long time. All of these items will get you started, but you can spend as much money as you want on this stuff. You could install an antenna at your home, a repeater, and buy large, powerful transceivers if you want. This will extend your range greatly and serve as a base of operations for your comms station. It's all up to you.

Next thing to look into would be the frequencies you can use with these things. We would first recommend tuning all of your local first responder channels/frequencies in (think police scanner). It is very important that you DO NOT broadcast on any of these frequencies. Aside from being a federal offense, your interference could prevent someone from sending or receiving vital information, and possibly cost someone their life. So just dont do it. Listen ONLY. This is useful for knowing whats going on around your town and being ready for anything crazy that might be going on. Say, for instance, the cops have located an escaped and dangerous inmate down to a certain neighborhood, or they've set up road blocks. You will hear all of this on radio first. How do you find these frequencies, you ask? There are a few good online databases. I recommend Radio Reference. I will include some links. GGL is not affiliated with these sites whatsoever, they just have good, accurate information. Check them out. Also, save your local NOAA weather stations(s). These are helpful for quick and easy weather condition and forecast information. You have heard it before, the automated voice that reads off all weather conditions around you. Actually very helpful. Would these stations remain active during a catastrophic social event? We dont think so (further research pending), but it is still a very helpful source of information. Plus, not every major event is going to be world-ending. There are also a few national distress frequencies that you should have saved in your radio. We dont have to talk about their usefulness here, they're self-explanatory. You can find these with a quick search. Next, you will want to program the frequencies you can legally talk to other radios on. We use FRS (Family Radio Service) and MURS (Multiple Use Radio Service). These are also national frequencies, and they're on the UHF and VHF bands, respectively. We do believe these are the only frequencies we can broadcast on without licensing, but may be wrong. If there are other frequencies we can legally use, let us know! Regardless, they will serve you well for most of your comms needs. There are something like 21 FRS frequencies that the FCC has authorized, and 5 MURS frequencies. We don't have all the FRS frequencies saved, only 5. We saved channels 1, 6, 11, 16, and 21 of FRS. We did this so they would be evenly spaced out on the spectrum, in case of interference. If one frequency has alot of traffic or interference, we can switch to the next without as much "bleed-over". We dont know if this is the correct term or not, but it is something we have experienced. Whenever we are on a channel, and there is interference, the next closest frequency on the spectrum may have some of that same interference. Alot like when you hear 2 radio stations on the same FM frequency in your car. So, that is the reason we chose to separate out my saved FRS frequencies. And there are only 5 MURS frequencies, so we saved all of those. In all of our radios, these frequencies are saved on channels 30-39. We did this so we can easily swap between channels, and easily find each other. Someone will say "Go to channel 34." for instance, and communications are established. It is a simple setup that we have found works well. Anyway, these are the frequencies we use. If you know about anything else, or find any cool frequencies we haven't mentioned here, let us know!

Hopefully this information will get you started in using radios effectively. We are not experts by any means, we’re just talking about what has worked for us. There is alot of information out there about radio, and it is helpful to go into it knowing what you want to accomplish with yours. It can be easy to get lost in all of the stuff online and get confused. We have tried to narrow alot of this down and give you a primer on radio use and how to get going. If any of this information was helpful to you, please let us know. We look forward to hearing from you!

https://www.radioreference.com/

https://www.weather.gov/nwr/station_listing

https://www.amazon.com/BaoFeng-UV-5R-65-108-Dual-Band-Radio/dp/B008IYCQSO/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=uv5r&qid=1602356839&sr=8-3

https://www.radioreference.com/apps/db/?aid=7732

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi-Use_Radio_Service

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