#lets share our differences
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bard-like · 2 years ago
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a ramble about sexuality and gender envy that weighs on my chest
there's a conversation I didn't get to finish that haunts me
because I felt like out the gate I was rejected by a person I thought would accept me, never as a partner, simply as two people walking the same path - just as we always were
quick to pull a trigger on me because of who I am, but completely ignorant of where I came from
I'm a cis guy who had no trouble wearing things meant for women I'm a cis guy who always hated his body for different reasons I'm a cis guy who wanted to be like the people weren't afraid to be who they wanted to be
for a moment I thought I knew what kind of person I wanted to be
I thought if I talked higher, chose kindness, gave my support to whoever needed it, never put myself above anyone, and walked on my own path to improvement, I could be that person, a Cute Person
but their answer was to "wear accessories and cuff my sleeves"
it wasn't about Being cuter I had to Look cuter to be cute
in this body that can't be cute
so how did I want that conversation to finish?
it's that that Author could have been like me - stuck in the box of someone straight and playing by the rules of their part, but as age and experience piled on, the appeal of other genders started to weigh in. the realization that I've always been open to anyone.
I wasn't "stuck in a closet". I always went in and out as I pleased.
and slowly, the world became a walk-in. I was in communities where it was so much more vibrant. I wanted to join in. I wanted out of the usual box.
but my body wouldn't let me. my hair, my shoulders, my voice, my junk all of these things made me different from the person I wanted to be and made me the same as the dime a dozen as the communities became more open openly hating men openly sexualizing each other openly demoralizing and openly preferring this white-washed skinny-only purity that turns my stomach
it's like I've lost my thirst for people the moment I started questioning my gender was the moment I started worrying about what people thought I'd call myself asexual but my track record doesn't prove it I'd call myself pansexual but my track record doesn't prove it
I can't prove it I know I shouldn't have to but there's this box I can't escape what's it gonna take? do I have to transition? do I have to show off a gay relationship?
I don't want to be a thirsty trans girl I don't want to be a man-hating woman I don't want to be a stereotypical gay
I want to be me. I want to be gay. I want to be friends with everyone. I want nothing to do with anyone else's junk. I still want to be cute. I want to do cute things. I want to be hugged. I want to play. I want to make cool stories. I want people to like my stories.
I want to be me without this body. I want you to know me by my words and actions and tales, not what I look and sound like.
that person and I were very similar people. but the people around them defined how what box they put me in. and it just felt so unfair.
I'm gay too. I want a different gender too. I wanted what you could do and what you could have and I wanted to be alongside you. but it was painfully clear that I couldn't fit into your box and you had no interest in seeing what was actually in mine it's not my body or my voice or my face it's my dreams and the pictures in my head that I want to share
the disembodied me is the me I prefer and I want to share it so badly
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unironicallytes · 1 month ago
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you don't even gotta worry about it, go ahead and pass me another plate brother
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dormatheus · 1 year ago
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testing the difference between how 🦝 draws their lamb vs mine and holy shit ksjdfn huge difference
-💊
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crescentfool · 11 months ago
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having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!
#persona 3 spoilers#minato arisato#hc and au nonsense#lizzy speaks#happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳#i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at-#him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know?#and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^#something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls#you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations#and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4#and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are...#that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!)#the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES#objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written#but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently#specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship#it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc#it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but#eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses!#regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself-#into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here.#the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go#“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons#anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍#have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙
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thedrotter · 1 month ago
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the latest teaser alongside the new version of undercover have really made the concept of haruka dying hit home... devastating 😭 how am I meant to keep going with my day if i cant listen to this boy sing about his mommy issues in that anguished voice of his. its so over💔💔💔
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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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lapis-lazuliie · 1 year ago
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the scene right at the beginning of m2d where joey just starts moving around michael's shit and it cuts to michael who is trying really hard not to come over there to whack him round the head is so stupidly funny
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eff-exor · 2 months ago
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something smells like shit, and it ain’t me buddy
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anouchan-jpg · 3 months ago
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Hi, can you please suggest what I should do? I met this really cute girl from a dating site a few years ago. Both of us are Rajputs and share the same traditional values. We had been seeing each other for 7 months, and today she decided to talk about the prospect of marriage in the future. I am attracted to her and would have loved to marry her but my friends suggested I ask her about her past relationships. I assumed she was a virgin although she has talked about being in a relationship, but she looked so innocent until she opened up about her past, like she has a body count of 9. I can't seem to accept that a traditional girl like her can be similar to a prostitute. She portrayed herself to be an anti-feminist traditional woman, so I thought she wouldn't be like this and I fell in love with her but she completely played with my emotions. I don't want to be the last nice guy to accept her in the end. I feel betrayed 😔
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feral-and-or-horny · 2 years ago
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I love how I promised myself I was gonna go to bed early and try to start fixing my sleep schedule, but then my roommate came in and was like "do you want to hear some shit?"
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cyraen-ae · 1 year ago
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Random Dragonfable Theory : the Twin Dragons and Hawkscry
So, a while back, the DF devs posted this Pantheon Chart
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So a bit of time ago I decided to take a stab at it, with... mixed results
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However, the one I'm currently focusing on is this one
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Clearly, the two green squares made alongside the Avatars by the Aequilibria are the Twin Dragons. However, this singular square beneath them bothered me... a lot. I couldn't find a proper idea of what it could possibly be And then, an idea struck me Let's go back to a poem that was the source of a previous theory of mine for me : the Hawkscry Calamity Poem
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The first three animals are references to Mechquest and GEARS, right? But what about the Dragon. A reference to their disappearance in MQ? Maybe, but... how does it relate to Hawkscry But, there is something else that relates to dragons and disappearances
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The twin's first Death, directly described by GenoKratos and implied by a book in the Falconreach Libraseum So, to recap Hawkscry's destruction, according to the AF2 Poem, involved a dragon, somehow, somewhere, and it resulted in this dragon's disappearance The Twin's first death was also explicitly described as a disappearance, with the source of their death unknown What if these two are linked? What if whatever caused Hawkscry's destruction also resulted in the death of one or both of the Twins. What if they were actively responsible for Hawkscry's destruction, or were simply present and caught in the explosion. Of course, all of this could be circumstantial evidence, nothing concrete... however there is one more thing that has been on my mind. And it's the text that appears if you hover your mouse over the Fissure in the Travel Map
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Symbolism much?
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dinosaurwithablog · 5 months ago
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There have been 5 wild pitches from 3 different pitchers for the Cleveland Guardians tonight. Oy vey. Thankfully, we scored twice on wild pitches. It's feels like justice to me because the Yankees have lost sooooooo many games because of bad pitching. Just saying 😁 Let's go Yankees!!!!!
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bentothuglife · 7 months ago
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My cousins are visiting and tonight I nearly suggested we get matching tattoos but stopped myself at the last second because I don't trust my one cousin not to demand a design I would dislike
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bisexualmaedhros · 7 months ago
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transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did
#this will not be rebloggable because i don't want people to get transmisogynistic in the notes#it's just something i've been thinking about lately#i hope i'm not like out of line for saying this please let me know if i say anything disrespectful#i just have a lot of love in my heart for transfems; especially those who log on to this website to be gay on my dash and do their thing#trans wlw being proud of their identities helped me come to terms with my own in a way. idk how to properly explain it but#idk. our experiences are very different - you have to fight to be seen as a woman and i have to fight not to#(though that is part of my identity in most cases people would use it to negate the rest)#(and of course none of us should Have to fight that but. i hope it's clear what i mean lol)#and idk like. womanhood is not achieved painlessly for you and yet so many of you embrace it so beautifully and in so many ways#it makes me want to accept that part of myself i thought i had to kill for so long#i am not entirely a woman but i love being a woman and loving other women-#platonically romantically sexually it doesn't matter#i'm so grateful i get to share a community with you all and read/hear/watch your thoughts and experiences and such#which goes beyond sex stuff but sex stuff is a particular personal struggle of mine and it's something i've been trying to cultivate a more#healthy relationship to lately. and i also know that unfortunately transfems get treated even worse than everyone else when it comes to#kinks or whatever. i don't mean to imply that everyone has to be open about that stuff. i just mean that i'm grateful for those who bravely#and proudly are. anyway i'm losing my train of thought bc i'm packing for a trip and i'm a little scattered atm but the point is#transfem wlw i love you dearly thank you for existing#[oh also this post isn't meant to bash body positivity stuff and i know it's not all the same. it just often felt too sanitized and forced#for me to relate to. ok bye]#finielspeaks
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bigcats-birds-and-books · 11 months ago
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Books of 2024: KILLING FLOOR by Lee Child.
This isn't a genre I typically read; HOWEVER!: my dream agent was on an episode of the Writing Excuses podcast about beginnings, and they said this one is Very Good, so I borrowed my dad's paperback copy to give it a whirl.
I'm low-key hoping this will help me sort out some Genre Issues™ I suspect I'm having with a writing project, too, which is a nice added bonus! Excited to see how this goes.
#books#books of 2024#killing floor#lee child#jack reacher#i think i used to read more stuff Like This in high school??#because it's my dad's big genre and he'd let me borrow books lmao#but i think i drifted away from it because i found out there was other weirder shit going on in different genre corners#and i love weird funny fucked up shit#no shade on the thriller genre it's just not something i've read much of lately!#this will be Good For Me haha#and yeah okay dongwon and MRK talking about it made me more likely to pick it up than my dad at this stage of my life#but he still had a copy so now i have a copy (borrowed) :)#don't get me started on the 'does this mean we can reopen book borrowing' convo he wants to have tho#like no sir you wrecked my paperback LOCKE LAMORA and i'm still salty about it#because you didn't care about it#and you think storing books in our dank-ass basement is taking care of them and it's NOT#we have different standards of care and you don't meet mine#and you eat in bed all the time and i don't want your greasy ass hands on my books >:(#so i don't FEEL like it's hypocrisy not to want to share#but did i look at HPB and B&N for copies of this because of that?? yes yes i did.#i did not find a used copy i was willing to pay $4 for#and i sure as hell wasn't gonna pay $10 for it new so.....#borrowed here#library was my next stop but. he found it.#ANYWAY#i'm gonna log off and go read past the first page i think#(oh sidenote the Genre Issues are:#aw#lucius
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dizzybevvie · 2 years ago
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Listen I fully follow wkm lore but like how the FUCK did he come up with any of that
#Markiplier woke up one day and said What if i was a man tortured by himself and his sentient house.#What if you cant die in the house#What if the house lets you fast travel#What if the detective is only a cliche and nothing more; so when he is pressed on the details of the case hes been following for YEARS#hes devastated by the fact that he cant remember a thing?#What if the Damien looked like Darkiplier so that there was a sense of mistrust around him for the whole show#even as he is consistently the only one to help you? What if Damien was nice all along? What if Damien turned out to be Dark anyway?#What if The Actor deliberately made it so that Damien came across as the villain just as he wanted in “DAMIEN”? What if we fell for it?#What if Celine cared so much about her brother that she fucked you over in an attwmpt to help him?#What if she kept him in a winter pocket dimension while you reach out for the cane?#What if he didnt remember everything that happened in the house and is always tired?#What if hes constantly being told “get some sleep damien” and “its time to wake up damien” to show the duality of sharing a body?#What if at the end its all pointless because the ice breaks anyway? What if Damien “life is ours to choose” Mayor makes his first choice#to let his sister sleep while he pilots the body?#What if by the time you arrive back in the present the body Damien and Celine stole from you is looking in the mirror#and just like the ice broke in the pocket dimension; the mirror cracks and you are forever stuck behind the mirror/your device's screen?#What if the detective believes you were killed as he says in WWM? What if The colonel (now Wilford Motherloving Warfstache)#can fast travel; time travel; teleport; and fuck knows what else because he realised he was part of a story?#What if that was the reason the detective was a conglomerate of different noir detective cliches?#What if theres masks on everyone but the detective at the end and I said “what masks?” when asked abt it and you still dk what it means?#What if the gardener didnt have lightning strike after saying “murder” because he hasnt been in the house for years?#what if the house seeded things in the actors head after Celine left him saying about how nothing was his fault and it was all someone else?#What if the house did this for years untik the actor was well and truly manipulated by a force he didnt even know was there?#what if he wanted Damien to be the villain in his “story” which implies that when he figured out how to cheat death in the house-#he also figured out he was a part of a story just like Wilford and eventually Abe did?#What if no one had a happy ending what if everyone was tragic what if people were only what you wrote for them as characters?#And what if the house was my head? What if the house was a metaphor for my brain all along?#and also what if they were all gay?#wkm#who killed markiplier
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