#lets get you fuckers some creative hobbys!

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

fully embracing my role on my friend group as not only the filthy optimist but also the filthy creative. 'i have world building ideas someti-' write them down. 'i hate writing dialo-' try! 'i want to try vtuber rigging but i cant dra-' i have a drawing pad im not using and several tutorials, have a try!

one by one im giving these stem nerds creative outlets and tbh the looks of joy on their faces as they see themselves progress in a skill is a joy and i feel like a proud parent. stem vs art is a false dichotomy!!!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for blinding my best friend and also killing a bunch of people?

Ok so I know the title seems bad but I can explain.

To start, I (6F) have a pretty bad relationship with my guardian, S. (???F) She has been overly reliant on me for support since I was very young, and I’m under threat of punishment so I don’t really have any choice but to give her what she wants. She’s on a diet where she can only eat people, and of course I’m tasked with getting them for her. So I’ve had to look for creative solutions.

Basically, I decided to take up a hobby of live action role play, where of course I’d get to bring back a few bodies. I teamed up with a girl who would later become my best friend, we’ll call her T, (6F) and she’s got this whole justice shtick where she’d help me as long as she thought we were killing bad guys.

So already, yeah yeah, I killed some people. And I KNOW that’s gonna get people saying I’m the asshole but A) they knew what they were getting into, B) They were bad anyway, T thought so at least, and C) it’s not like you can actually blame ME when it’s S that made me do it!!!!!!!!

Anyways, after a while me and T started playing against this other duo, who I’ll call A (6F) and V (6M). Me and V were playing like usual, and long story short I ended up pushing V off a cliff. Normal stuff.

V got hurt and A found out about it and got really mad. She sent a bunch of the ghosts of the people I’d killed to haunt me!!!!!!!! I thought it was a really low blow, and I responded in kind by getting her then-boyfriend to kill her. Which was probably a bit excessive I admit but she had it coming, freaking out about something so minor.

So this is where things get really messy and I started to question myself. T got wind of all of this, and DESPITE the fact that we were a team, she thought I’d gone too far, saying we’d strayed from the original point and were no longer delivering justice. She got involved, ratting me out for something to this guy I knew KNOWING that he’d react badly. And he did, the fucker blew up my eye and arm. Still mad about it.

So as you can probably predict by now with the amount of bullshit revenge happening, I responded. I didn’t want T to get involved, but she had, so here we are. I did this really complicated thing to get T’s guardian to convince her to stare directly into the sun so she’d go blind. Yeah. It was weird. Ever since everything happened it’s just been nonstop people blowing up my phone, even T, telling me what an awful bitch I am. It’s surreal.

But that was the final act of revenge, so here I am, left questioning it all, asking you guys for advice. I’m honestly feeling a bit bad, for killing all those people, pushing V, killing A, blinding T… But I don’t know. I feel like I was justified for a lot of it? Like S made me do the killing, and T just straight up betrayed me… Let me know what you think. I know this was kind of a long post and the situation was complicated, but AITA?

[carriereedwrites]

HOW TO (NOT) START A BOOK

Listen... this shouldn't be hard, people. But, starting a book really is one of THE hardest things to do.

The thought is daunting, the process overwhelming. The whole thing is enough to make giving up seem like the easiest route.

But, did Frodo give up on his journey to take the One Ring back to Mordor?

NO. BECAUSE HE HAD A SAMWISE GAMGEE. LET ME BE YOUR SAMWISE GAMGEE.

So, I figured it'd be easier to start with the naughty no-nos. One, because it's funny (and I think I'm pretty funny). Two, because you need to know what's incorrect before you can value what IS correct. Let's get started.

Warning: this is gonna be a rant. You've been warned.

Stare at your blank page and freak out

We've all been here. Anxiety creeps in and your Imposter Syndrome whispers in that creepy voice, "Yoooouu suuuckk baaallllsss." Tell that mother fucker IT SUCKS BALLS.

Don't freak out. Don't show weakness. Show that fucking blank page or word document who the hell is in charge around here. Write, damn it!

Who cares if it sucks? It's your first draft. IT'S GOING TO SUCK.

Get stuck world building for four years and have yet to write a single sentence

I get it. I'm guilty of this, too. You have this SUUUPERR AWESOME UNIQUE world in your head that demands you put all of your creative effort in to and by Gandalf's Beard, YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BRING IT TO LIIIFFEEE.

Reality Check: it shouldn't take you more than a few months to get everything down. Everything important, anyways. Unless you work a full time job, go to school or parent tiny demons from hell, world building shouldn't take you YEARS going on a DECADE.

Neither should writing books. I'm looking at you, Georgie Boy. #iykyk

Convince yourself that you haven't bought the right pen, notebook or found the right writing software to express yourself with

My secret shame. Oh, the shame. My super secret shame? I still convince myself of this.

The only way to get around this is to just fucking do it and make do with what you got. It won't please your brain. It'll be angry, wrathful even, and badger you relentlessly like a Nazgul. But, you have to trick it in order to get to Bree-- I MEAN, in order to start your story.

*GASP* BUT, WHAT WILL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS THINK OF ME IF I WRITE THIS?!

Listen, listen, listen... literally... this is what pen names (or Nom de Plumes, for you fancy writers) are for. You don't have to think of one right this moment. But, pressure off, guys. C'mon.

Also, as much as we would like our loved ones' support, they don't always "get" it, and think this is a hobby or passing fancy and not take it as seriously as you do.

What you should do is surround yourself with like-minded people or people who support you even if they don't "get" being a writer. It's those people who's unconditional love will get you through the hardest of times.

And my favorite: You will never be able to write like [insert revered author of all time here]

Shaddup. Just... shaddup. You will NEVER write like the authors you admire. That's. The. Fucking. Point.

YOU are YOU. Your responsibility as an artist is to breathe new life into old hats. Or some obscure inspirational bullshit like that. Readers will love what you write because it's uniquely YOU. Readers appreciate fresh, new takes on the same old tropes.

And if you're trying to emulate a classic author like Ol' JRR, you can't. We may still enjoy his stories today, but he wrote in a different time with different genre expectations (as in... he literally pioneered the genre... like... it's kind of hard to do in today's world. Not impossible, mind you. Just really freaking hard).

And that's it. My list on how to not start a book. Sorry, this one was a little aggressive, but... ya'll need to get aggressive. Writers can be a sensitive bunch that often need a good kick in the behind to get past those nasty blocks.

What are your resons for not starting a book? What have I missed? What are some of the ways you've gotten past the first sentence? Let me know!

~ Happy Writing, Ya'll ~

[scorpiosanssexy]

Pick a Card Reading: Who is your Soulmate

If you are a hopeless romantic like myself and you wanna know some traits, what your relationship will be like and even a possible meeting place you are in like with this pick a card reading.

Below are pictures of some Haikyuu Team banners, look at each one and decide which one you feel most drawn too (it could be the messages or just the colours) once you have decided scroll down and read your reading.

The banners are in order from 1 to 5 (left to right). I would suggest only picking 1 or 2 banners in order to get an accurate reading . The waltzes are taken from waltzing in a ballroom by Lia Wang on Spotify.

I hope this resonates and have a wonderful day

Carla

 Itachiyama (Pile 1) 

Personality- what type of person is your soulmate 

8 of Cups- your soulmate is always on the go, their life is anything but stagnate and they constantly always on the lookout for a new adventure (which they will happily let you join them). BIG TRAVELLERS, they wanna see the world with you, take some cute couple selfies all that jazz. Cups represent the element of water so I think this person can be quite deep and introspective and is constantly trying to become the best versions of themselves.  Will 100% go backpacking with you 

The Lovers- this person definitely has an equal split between divine masculine energy and divine feminine energy, being good at logic and emotions. I also got the impression that this person is extremely romantic, like a scene that popped into my head is in the Addams Family where Gomez and Morticia declare their love for another and he (Gomez) kisses her arm, that’s the kind of person they are. The lover’s card shows up in readings when you are asked to be your authentic true self so I feel they are naturally themselves, no persona. Also, they have 100% cried whilst watching the notebook and if they haven’t seen it they will in the future. 

Ace of Pentacles- very opportunistic, if they see something they just go for it (including you wink). I feel like they have been very lucky in regards to wealth in their life, either they were born into a rich family or are just very strategic with their money. They may swap careers often in their life or just love the idea of a challenge however what I can confidently say is they are pretty damm cunning and resourceful, leave the money-making to them because they have a natural knack for manifesting wealth and abundance into the physical world. Some people may describe this person as lucky however that is not the case they just know which opportunities to capitalise on. Work smarter not harder energy, just very savvy 

Astrology Notes - Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water and earth influences 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

The Devil-  I promise you they are not the devil however they might as well be because of how much they will spoil you. In tarot, the devil is represented by Capricorn (aka the sugar daddy of the zodiac) so of course they have to indulge in their baby girl/boy. I feel like they low key become obsessed with you not in a creepy way but whenever you are not with them they always find themselves thinking of you or dropping your name subtly into conversations. They want to provide for you, make you comfortable, in their ideal world they do not want to make you lift a finger. Also think you are the most attractive thing to walk on this planet like they get flustered at the thought of you, low key a very big simp. Incredibly passionate in and out the bedroom, I feel like in the beginning stages of your relationship they will try and suppress their desire because they are worried they will scare you off. 

If you wanna find out more I suggest reading up on Capricorn Venus because I highly suspect that they might have it in their chart. 

How you meet- pretty self-explanatory 

Page of Swords- out of all the piles I found this pile to be the vaguest in regards to this question. The energy from this card is new ideas, collaborative work and just general communication. You may meet one another simply through a friend of a friend or maybe you are working on some sort of project together. I decided to have a look at the bottom deck to see if I could find any clarifies and drew the Hanged Man, this could maybe be a passion project (not one for work) in which you meet one another whilst embarking on it. The Hanged Man indicates rest so a time in your life where you are taking a break from the world around you, just having fun and socialising with friends. You will meet when you are feeling care free and feel like you no obligations- a spontaneous outing. 

Advice 

: Blue Moon - “Believe in the Impossible”

You never know what can happen, the universe may be giving you a rare opportunity in regards to your soulmate 

Make sure you believe in it, believe that you are deserving of love 

Miss the chance and it might not come back soon 

What happens may happen once 

Believe in your dreams 

The person you are inquiring about is a rare find 

Affirmation: I am lucky 

Your Waltz: Mystery of Love by Hanah Stater 

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Aoba Josei (Pile 2) 

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate 

The Lovers- this card has come up in ⅗ piles which suggest that many people seeing this reading are destined to have very passionate soulmates. I have always the lovers card to be grandiose and romantic so I feel like this is a primary characteristic to sweep you off your feet. This card is ruled by Gemini so your soulmate is gonna be one smooth mother fucker, mr steal yo girl energy. The lovers is a combination of both divine masculine and divine feminine energy so your soulmate is both very good at being logical whilst tapping into their emotional intelligence. They are naturally themselves and are proud of who they are 

10 of Cups- this card aka the happy ending card, I think your soulmate has an idealistic stand point on the world , the image that came to mind was Sugawara from Haikyuu shouting Negativity begone. I think this person radiates calm energy, I just imagine them to have a very soothing voice. This is the kind of person you could confidently bring home to meet your parents (in which they would automatically love them). Also I feel like family is very important to them, mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl vibe, I can imagine they are also extremely good with kids too and maybe have some career which involves this. Very protective of their loved ones honestly as I am writing this i am literally gushing, this person is the sweetest bean alive. 

3 of Pentacles - all I could think about when I drew this card was how incredibly hard-working your soulmate is. Pentacles is all about the physical world so your soulmate definitely has one hobby they are super passionate about (sports or something creative) which they love to spend time on. This card is an indication of teamwork so your soulmate is a huge team player, making sure that everyone is alright before checking themselves, they naturally bring people together and perhaps others view them as a leader. Also not a procrastinator by any means, they love the feeling of completely goals and ticking off their to-do lists in which they encourage friends and lovers to do the same. 

Astrology bits: Gemini in their big 3 (Sun, Moon or Rising) with some cancer and earth influences 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

Judgement- I promise you that it does not mean they are going to judge you actually I do believe this is the exact opposite. The judgement is a very heavy card in the sense that it represents spiritual awakening and revolution, your soulmate 100% believes you were the missing piece in their life. You have changed their life for the better. I feel that this soul connection is based more on deep emotional understanding rather than physical attraction. Your romance is that 50k word slow burn fic with the friends to lovers, mutual pining and comfort tags. I know that you cannot see it but on this card you see two people looking up towards this beautiful angel and I am can confirm that this angel is you. Your soulmate views as the person that set them free as you offered them new life perspectives. Perhaps your soulmate uses the pet name “angel”. If I could describe this relationship in one word it would be Ethereal. 

This person may have a Scorpio venus or venus-pluto aspects in their chart. 

How do you meet? 

10 of Wands- The image that I first thought of when drawing this card was like cramming for a final week or something and you both meet one another at a library or something however this might not be for all of you. I can tell you however you will be meeting them under a time of great stress, perhaps you accidentally volunteered to do more overtime or you have a presentation due very soon, you are most likely going to be in a state of fatigue (and be very flustered)  when you first meet. Just from their nature, I imagine they will help you carry the wands or in this case the ever drowning work. 10 is the number of completion so you may meet them in a point in your life where you have nearly completed a goal (them being that final push to do it) or it could represent month number 10 like October. 

Advice

Waxing Moon - “the energy is gaining momentum” 

The Situation is full of potential- your soulmate may be near 

You may need to take more action on your part 

Keep moving forwards 

Universe has given the green light so just go for it 

Your dreams can come true 

Affirmation: I know I’ve headed in the right direction 

Your Waltz: Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy 

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Inarizaki (Pile 3)

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

6 of Cups- this card in tarot represents nostalgia and familiarity, I feel your soulmate definitely likes their home comforts, perhaps preferring to have quieter dates rather than over the top ones. For some reason I just imagine them being a hoarder of some kind, like any little trinket you get them they will keep it or they might be into scrapbooking. They love to keep their memories close. Again I feel like they are really into history and would love to take you to a museum or perhaps a historical castle, they give me dark academia vibes. I feel like your soulmate had to perhaps grow up too quickly and perhaps through this connection they hope to find their inner child again (which I believe you will definitely bring out in them) 

Queen of Pentacles- not be a simp or anything but your soulmate is one of the most caring and nurturing people ever. A scene that plays in my head is that after a really long day you come home from work or whatever and they are just there cooking you your favourite meals and being like “welcome home sweetheart”. Whilst the Queen is a caring figure we do have to remind ourselves of the Pentacle energy. Your soulmate does prefer the finer things in life, taking you to bougie restaurants or having a mini spa day together. They do like to live a luxurious life and believe you should too, never settle for anything less. Your soulmate is definitely a tidy person and knows how to keep their life nice and orderly and finds joy in organisation, also probably quite a private person. Even though the Queen court card represents feminie divine energy I feel like your soulmate has an even split of both masculine or feminine energy they are good at both logic and emotion. 

Page of Cups- this is one of my favourite cards in the deck, the page of cups represents someone who perhaps sometimes has their head in the clouds and can be a little bit innocent. Your soulmate is naturally very creative and takes inspiration wherever they go, for some reason I pictured them being into to photography but that might not be the case for all of you. Also I believe they may refer to you as their muse, you know the anime duos where there is the light and the shadow, the shadow helping the light shine and getting inspiration for them to keep going (think Akaashi from Haikyuu or Kuroko from Kuroko no Basket), I feel like your soulmate is your shadow helping you cast you light into the world. I feel your soulmate does have a hard time to express their emotions so doing so using a creative medium really helps them. The type to make handmaid gifts for their friends on their birthday. 

Astrology Notes: Taurus in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) with some water influence 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them? 

The Chariot- this is not the most romantic card in the pack however there is one thing I can tell you about your connection your soulmate is devoted, they are the CEO of long term commitment like your relationship gives me the same energy as Carl and Elle from Up, just very pure and filled with love and support. The Chariot represents self-control and focus and a funny scene that popped into my head was your soulmate being kind of prudish at first when it comes to the more physical aspects of your relationship, they get easily embarrassed however I feel like their love language is acts of service. You will 100% be their focus in their life, they do love to spoil you rotten with attention and want to be your protector. They may be a little bossy but they just want to see you thrive, like they may leave little notes to remind you how much you love them. The kind of people to make an itinerary for a date because organising things for you is their love language. Overall, a very sweet relationship based on kinds acts of service, the married couple before being married. 

Your soulmate might have a Cancer Venus or Venus-moon aspects so if you want some further detail you can read up on those 

Where you will meet- pretty self explanatory 

The Hanged Man- Because this is a major arcana card I feel you meeting your soulmate will be quite a significant event in your life. The Hanged Man represents a time for letting go and a time of delay, perhaps you will be meeting your soulmate during a time where you are letting go of the past, this could be getting over an Ex, letting go of negative thoughts or even changing careers. I also got the image of you both meeting when you are volunteering, doing something for the community as this card is ruled by the planet of Neptune. Maybe be relaxing and doing something creative could be potentially when you meet them, ie: dancing, singing. I do know that it is during a time when you are moving on from something or your life has entered a limbo stage, nothing exciting happening. I wanted to see if I could find any clarifiers to this because I thought it was too vague and the bottom deck was the Devil Card, perhaps when you start to let go of limiting beliefs about yourself your soulmate may finally appear or perhaps getting over an addiction of some kind. The devil is ruled by capricorn so perhaps a creative project more for work may be potentially another place. 

Advice

: New Moon in Leo - “Confidence is the Key to Success” 

This is your time to shine so show off your talents

Be proud of yourself, you have come so far 

Spoil and pamper yourself because you have earnt it (just like how your soulmate does) 

It’s your turn in the spotlight do not shy away from it because you deserve the success and recognition 

Make sure you work on your self esteem first before seeking romance 

Make time for fun 

Affirmation- “ I am compassionate towards myself as well as others

Your Waltz: Once upon a December by Emilie Pandolfi 

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Dateko (Pile 4) 

Personality- what is kind of person is your soulmate 

The Lovers: this card has come out in ⅗ piles today so you may have been drawn to more than one school banner. With the lovers card I can definitely imagine your soulmate to be passionate and romantic and wants to recreate all those cute couple things you see in the movies. They have a flair for the dramatics and can be naturally creative people. They are smooth operators when it comes to flirting so you might have a couple of pickup lines thrown your way (which by the way are actually good) this is because the lovers card is ruled by the zodiac sign of gemini in which are renowned to have silver tongues, teasing might be there love language. For some reason whilst writing this interpretation all I could think about was the character Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club so perhaps your soulmate kins him. 

4 of Pentacles: whilst the other 2 piles containing the lovers card are very authentic I feel like this person sometimes uses their flirty persona as a mask, to protect themselves. Your soulmates are very possessive. I can imagine they have only a select few people who they are really close with and hold them near and dear to their heart. However a good thing about the 4 of pentacles is that this is the card that indicates it’s time to save money so as you can probably guess your soulmate is very good at saving money they may even be a money saving expert (martin lewis is that you). You can bet they know where to get the cheapest things from so if you ever need to go bargain hunting they are your person. I can imagine them being really good at DIY as it is a way to save money. I feel like in the past they may have had low self esteem, you may have also been drawn to Shiratorizawa pile because 4 of pentacles feature in this one too. Probably a tsundere 

9 of Pentacles: Your soulmates tagline is confident, independent and self-sufficient. I believe they were 100% the gifted child at school and are naturally very intelligent, and may have a tendency to brag about this too. I feel like this person can maybe be a little high maintenance and perhaps they are perfectionists also. With the number 9 it means not quite completion (seeing as number 10 represents completion), this means your soulmate is always striving to achieve more. Looking at the three personality cards as a whole I think that missing thing in their life is an emotional connection, they are extremely talented in whatever field they work in however they do find it difficult to make friends because they may be slightly above average in lots of areas of life (High IQ or plays a high level of sports). Whilst they may be show offs when in a relationship with you my goodness do they love to brag about all your amazing qualities. Words of affirmation may be their love language

Astrology Notes: Gemini in their big 3 (sun, moon or rising) with some earth influence 

Relationship- what is your relationship like with them

The Hierophant- this card may represent the strict teacher figure however for you, you will get to see their much soft side. They honestly want you to have all the success in the world and will be your number one cheerleader. With none of the other piles I never really specified ages and such but for this one I get a clear picture that this person may be a bit older than you, they have more life experiences than yourself. The Hierophant represents tradition so of course your soulmate will court you in the proper manner making sure to always respect your boundaries, a true lady/gentlemen. At the beginning stages of your relationship I feel like your soulmate used to excuse of “study dates” to be able to have a proper chance of getting to know you (as we already have established they can be a bit of tsundere). Your relationship is incredible strong and steady, others may describe it slightly mundane however it is the simple things which make this connection really work (every saturday day nights, cuddling whilst watching netflix and honestly the amount of flowers they buy makes your home look like a garden centre). They want to show you the world and want to be relied upon as it boasts their confidence when they can help you with a task. 

I suspect that they might have a Taurus Venus 

How you meet

The Emperor- This card being here for me makes a lot of sense just by looking at your soulmates personality (over achiever and incredibly witty). It is also a major arcana card so this meeting will have a great impact on your life or it will be a vivid memory. The emperor represents organisation, structure and achieving your goals. I can definitely see the pair of you meeting in a work setting in which you may both have to do collaborative work. You may meet your soulmate in a time in your life where you are trying to organise it and come up with a long term plan, maybe at a point where you have to pick your college major or perhaps a lots of job offers have just come in. They may even give you advice. If you are planning on going to grad school then maybe you may meet them there. What I can tell you is that your meeting will not be a relaxing one as the Emperor is a bit of a workaholic so after your first meeting it may be weeks before you both have a proper time to wind down and relax. I also got the image that perhaps you see them as the emperor figure when you first meet them, like they could be your boss or a co worker who is top of the class sort of thing. 

Advice 

: New Moon in Virgo- “A time to give rather than take” 

Gradual Improvements are coming in regards to your soulmate 

Be of service to others and abundance will follow 

Your soulmate is very reliable so try not stress too much 

Make sure to stay organised, eat and drink plenty and have a proper sleep schedule 

Pay attention to detail

Affirmation: “I am capable, hard-working and ready to complete my goals” 

Your Waltz: The Great Fairy Fountain by the Video Game Music Box

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Shiratorizawa (Pile 5) 

Personality- what kind of person is your soulmate

King of Pentacles- Ambitious, protective and calculated, these are all words to describe the King of Pentacles and in turn your soulmate. Your soulmate is somebody who is extremely driven and has lots of success in their life however this didn’t come from blind luck. They are a very responsible figure and are definitely involved in some leadership role most likely to do with their career. The king is a generous provider so I’d imagine your soulmate has an abundance in wealth, sugar daddy/mummy vibes, gift giving may be their love language because I do feel like they have a serious and aloof disposition. Do not be alarmed by this, they are very caring people however they do an “image” to maintain but if you are close with them you may see them in a more real light. Whilst I was typing this description all I could think about was Kyoya Ootori from Ouran High School Host club so perhaps your soulmate kins him in some shape of form. 

5 of Cups- This isn’t exactly the happiest card in the deck but one that means disappointment and having trouble letting go. I feel like your soulmate in the past has been disappointed by people, perhaps they have left them or betrayed their trust, looking at both of these cards I feel like it might have been because they found it hard in their childhood to form emotional connections. This is not to say they cannot do this I believe it just takes time with this person, however you know what they say- slow burns are the best. A message popped into my head when thinking about this aspect of them, I believe they have a hidden creative talent in which they learn to express their emotions through that, the piano was a striking image but it could be art or any other form too. I feel likethey are perfectionists but only because they believe you only deserve the best from them, very touch starved like please give them a cuddle it will make them melt. I feel like over time and as they have grown up they have a realistic kind of approach to the world. Whilst writing this I felt incredible sad for this person, my heart goes out to them

 4 of Pentacles- aka the tsundere card, this card makes sense in this in the personality part. This person is incredible protective and loyal to their loved ones as I believe it is hard to get to know them at first but once you do you have one very loyal “bodyguard”. These people are very money savvy and for some reason I can picture them having a career in finance or economics. Can perhaps be a bit frugal with themselves and don’t like to treat themselves often but love to pamper others. This person likes to be in control in all aspects of life and has a very commanding aura about them (which I think is incredibly hot), I believe it brings them a sense of comfort. Lastly whilst they may find it hard at first to be more open more emotionally they are the most helpful souls on the planet when it comes to career, education or even just general organisation, I believe it gives them great joy to help others out in this area as not only does it boast their self-esteem but they love seeing the smiles on other peoples faces. 

Astrology Notes: Capricorn in their big 3 (Sun, moon or rising) and may lack water placements in their chart

Relationship- what is your relationship like? 

They may have Aquarius Venus or Venus-uranus aspects so check those out for more info 

The Fool- the minute I drew this card I literally squealed and had to take laps because this card compared to the personality spread were just so opposite. To but it briefly you make them act like a bit of a fool (not in a bad way), like they are very blushy towards you and at the beginning stages they would get so flustered if you held their hand it is simply adorable. Looking into this card, the fool represents new beginnings, adventure and idealism. You bring new hope into their life, you know those soulmate AUs where everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate and the world turns to colour. I feel like emotionally that is what happened to them forming a union with you. You bring the fun and zest into their life, offering them a chance to relax instead of doing work all the time which they are forever grateful for, you definitely make them feel young again. Not to be sappy but I do believe you have turned their life around, the fool represents new beginnings so your connection will be a massive turning point in this person’s life. Of course, the fool represents fun too so this relationship will be filled with adventures and lots of funny memories, I feel like the pair of your friendship groups will get on really well and that you too will love to tease one another or even give the other a playful kiss. I just sense an incredibly low maintenance light hearted energy and I believe that is a great way to sum up this connection. You free them. 

How will you meet

The Tower- looking at this card with the fool card they both make a lot of sense seeing as once rules Aquarius and the other rules Uranus. Whilst the Tower does represent chaos I believe it doesn’t mean bad chaos in regards to your meeting. The tower is very random bringing in live events which change your life, I believe you will meet your soulmate in the place you least expect it the most, like the most random location you could possible think of, a couple that came to my head was the Supermarket, in a Bank or at bagage reclaims (these were just some random locations that pooped into my head when writing this). However this card can also be an indicator of you meeting this soulmate at a time in your life where you are having a massive change, like you could move abroad to a random country, start a completely new career or just when you do something that is a little crazy. Perhaps you are going through something that is chaotic and your soulmate helps you sort it out. With the tower card the possibilities are endless but what I can tell you is that you will very shocked (in a good way) and it will be a meeting you will never forget

Advice

: Mutable Moon - “Nothing is set in stone” 

Staying adaptable is the key to success 

Make sure you have not become too distracted in your day to day life, stay focused 

Stay with it ( don’t lose hope) 

Don’t let others lead you estray, your intuition is high listen to that gut feeling 

The situation is far from being finalized you have the power 

Affirmation: “ I know the best will unfold for me” 

Your Waltz: Merry-go-Round of life by Nuvo Orchestra 

[syubub]

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

[obeiii-mee]

Hi there! If its okay, could i ask for headcannons of the brothers finding out MC is an Artist? Something like, finding there sketchbook or napkins w doodles on them jfjdjs Or maybe they catch MC glancing at them alot while trying to draw them? hfjd Ty!! Your writing is really good~

Of course it’s OK! I’ve always liked the idea of MC having a really interesting hobby and teaching the brothers about it. I feel like all the brothers would be very supportive of them, even if they all had various reactions to their hobby but I really love writing wholesome moments like that. Sorry this took longer to come out, I made them really long to make up for it!

Also thank you. Your compliment means a lot :)

————————————-

The Brothers’ reactions to MC being an artist:

Lucifer:

-Well if you’re going to glance at him every two minutes, he’s bound to notice

-I mean, you’re pretty damn obvious

-Lucifer got pretty used to you whipping out your sketchbook whenever you could

-So for you to start doodling in his office while he worked wasn’t exactly unheard of

-He caught you staring at him before looking back down at your drawing, continuing your series of furious scribbles

-Now you piqued his interest

-“You seem very focused there love. What are you drawing?”

-Scared the crap out of you because he rarely ever talks when he’s working

-You were reluctant to show him but Lucifer has his insisting face on

-When you passed him the sketchbook, he momentarily froze

-Your drawing was so detailed and full of emotion, capturing him slumped over his desk, exhausted but determined to finish the work he’s been assigned

-He was so surprised and stunned, for a second, he forgot to breathe

-“It’s not exactly one of my best drawings yet but-“

-“You never fail to impress me MC.”

-He suspected you were drawing him but he wasn’t expecting this much effort to be put into it

-He would definitely keep all your drawings of him

-Loves all your work but secretly adores your sketches of him best

-Lucifer would occasionally look over your shoulder while you sketch, taking a peek at what you’re drawing and smile to himself

-He’s never felt this much pride for someone else before

Mammon:

-Was pissed you would rather spend time with an object rather than him

-It annoyed him at first because he couldn’t tell if you were listening to him or not while you had your nose stuck in your sketchbook

-Basically, he was jealous of a sketchbook

-You can’t do that Mammon, that’s Levi’s thing

-So one day he decided to see what the fuck was so great about that giant notebook you always have with you

-He turned your entire room upside down searching for the damn thing before finding it

-He flipped through it and I’m sure the entire House of Lamentation could hear his gasp

-You drew him for pages and pages in all sorts of positions and styles and he was a flustered tomato going through them

-You willingly drew him? The scum of a demon who could never do anything right unless it involved money? You put your time and effort into these sketches and doodles despite him being condescending and a dick at times?

-Excuse me but this man is already head over heels in love with you, you can’t keep giving him reasons to fall for you

-He was so engrossed into your work that he didn’t notice you behind him

-“Mammon why is there a mess in my room-“

-“HOLY SHI-AHHH!!!”

-Too embarrassed to even think of an excuse for going through your shit

-“Ah those...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drawn you without your permission Mammon-“

-“Are ya kiddin’ me? MC, I feel insulted that you didn’t tell me about this sooner. Can...Can I keep some of ‘em??”

-Now he insists that you draw him as often as possible and would even pose for you (he loves the attention let’s be real)

-He wants to see all of your drawings and will endlessly support you

-Thought about using your skill as a way to make money because art can be very expensive

-But in the end, he dropped the idea

-Why would he sell something so precious to him??

Levi:

-He probably has a sketchbook too

-You guys draw Ruri-chan together in your own styles

-Levi always insists that you’re much better at drawing than him tho

-Your talent makes him a little jealous but at the same time he’s fascinated

-Was so surprised when he found out you were into sketching

-Levi was even more surprised when you showed him all the drawings you’ve worked on for your favourite anime and video game characters

-OK but how come you’re so perfect? Not only are you a lovely person that is willing to watch anime with him without insulting his opinions but you can draw? W...h...a...t...?

-He requests several sketches of ‘The Tale of the Seven Lords’ characters and will actually tape them to his wall

-Some of them are right on his Ruri-chan shelf

-“Hey normie, do you...do you mind teaching me how to draw? I want to learn.”

-Is 100% determined to learn how to properly sketch from you

-You started drawing him as well, usually while he games

-You better stop, he’ll have a nosebleed if you keep being so nice to him!

-Draw him as an anime character and he will start fangirling

-“Phew. OK I’m finished.”

-“What did you draw?”

-“Hentai.”

-“This. Is. A. Masterpiece.”

-Will proudly show your work to his brothers (usually the same drawing more than five times)

-What did an otaku like him do to deserve you??

Satan:

-He found out you were an artist fairly quickly

-I meant he found tissues with doodles you left behind everywhere

-He kept all of them

-It was so refreshing for him to see you so invested in your drawings the same way he is in his reading

-You’re still under the impression you’re being sneaky by drawing him while he has his nose in his books

-You ended up finally gathering enough courage to show him one of your portraits of him

-He had a reaction similar to Lucifer’s really

-Praise!

-He made your drawing into a bookmark

-Idk how but he did

-You leave him a few doodles of you and him being all lovey dovey and he absolutely adores them

-Will lose his marbles if anyone says anything remotely negative about your style or talent

-Draw him fluffy animals pls he will literally have them framed and fixed up in his room

-Also if you draw any of his brothers (specifically Lucifer let’s be real) in a silly way he will actually start snorting with laughter

-You sketch him pretty damn often and he can’t really complain

-It’s really peaceful when you two are in the library and you’re working on your doodling while he reads aloud to you

-Buys you equipment like pens and pencils and even sketchbooks when he knows you’re running out

-He’s really delighted when you come over to show him your drawings

-Once he caught you staring at a cat as you started sketching it

-He actually didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much

Asmo:

-Noisy little fucker that he is and in need of drama, he looked through your sketchbook

-Thought it was a diary at first but nope

-Imagine his surprise when he found pages upon pages of drawings of his brothers and him

-Except his weren’t really a surprise

-He’s gorgeous of course you would want to draw him

-But oh my God, do you realise how much he values art??

-I know he looks as if he only thinks about sex but he definitely has a thing for creativity and art like painting and photography

-“MC darliiiing~? Why didn’t you tell me you can draw?”

-He actually shrieks at how well you’ve captured his beauty

-He insists that they look like actual pictures of him

-Takes several pictures of all of them and posts them on DevilGram

-A bit salty when you drawing anything else but him

-However, he can’t deny that you’re one of the most talented individuals he ever met

-He comes up to you every day and lractically begs you to draw him

-One time you came in your room to find him naked and asking you to draw him

-Is actually kinda good at drawing himself

-Specifically people

-He has enough experience exploring the human body so he surprisingly enough, knows a thing or two when it comes to body proportions

-“MC draw me like one of your french girls~”

-I’m sorry I had to do that

-He also likes the attention he’s getting when he poses for you

-He may think he’s the most beautiful being in all three realms but he definitely thinks you’re the second

-So he often offers to draw you too

-He likes having cozy chats with you while you draw

Beel:

-You left your sketchbook behind in the kitchen with him

-Mammon needed your assistance to get down from where Lucifer hanged him after one of his failed money schemes

-He knocked a glass of milk nearby it and had a panic attack for a minute

-Legitimately thought he ruined the whole thing

-Was actually about ready to cry because he knew how important your sketchbook was to you

-Looked through it just to make sure there were no splotches or anything

-To say he was relieved when he realised it was fine would be an understatement

-He was kinda drawn to your sketches, most of them carefully drawn and expressive, even some of the ones you scribbled out

-One specific drawing caught his eye though

-You drew him and Belphie together, with his twin brother’s head resting on his shoulder while Beel ate

-He was mesmerised by your talent and by your thoughtfulness

-Beel felt bad about it but he kept looking through your sketches, enchanted by everything in it

-You drew him and his brothers several times

-It’s safe to say the discovery of your drawings brightened his day

-Gave back your sketchbook later

-He apologised for going through it without your permission more than he needed to

-You had to accept his apology because he looked like a kicked puppy

-Feels very honoured whenever you let him look at your work

-Is more than happy to pose for you!

-But that might be a bit of a problem seeing as he tends to move around a lot

-“Whoa, that looks just like me! The food I’m eating looks really realistic too...which is making me hungry. Let’s go to Hell’s Kitchen, you can finish this there!”

-Supportive bean

-You gave him a family sketch of him and all of his brothers once

-Normally, he only likes gifts he can eat

-But he treasures that drawing more than food at times

-“This...this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you MC! But uh, someone’s missing in this drawing.”

-“Ah shit, who did I miss?”

-“You.”

-If anything ever happens to Beel or his happiness I swear to Lord Diavolo-

Belphie:

-OK but you left your notebook just sitting there right next to him???

-How do you expect him not to look through it?

-Belphie doesn’t care much for privacy

-And he doesn’t exactly have morals either

-He didn’t even know you were into drawing

-Which to be fair, wasn’t scandalous considering he sleeps 20 hours a day

-But he wants to be more involved in your interests so that’s why he took initiative with your sketchbook

-Idk what he was expecting but definitely not a sketch of him staring back at him

-His heart skipped a beat but I don’t even know if demons have hearts

-The cheeky little shit took pictures and may or may not have made on your drawings of him his wallpaper

-Most of the drawings were of him sleeping, surprising...absolutely no one

-“So that’s what you’re up to whenever I go to sleep huh? So cute~”

-But besides all that, he is really touched

-I mean, if there’s anyone undeserving of your love and respect is the piece of shit of who tried to kill you

-Yet here you are, continuously showering him with affection and now this

-Probably spent hours looking at your sketchbook while you were at R.A.D

-Didn’t say anything to you when you came back except handing your notebook back to you

-Though he was less of a smartass and more affectionate for the rest of the day

-Next morning, you took the liberty of waking up before him and sketching him again

-He grabbed your arm halfway through your doodling and grinned at you from under the covers

-“Drawing me again huh? You won’t mind me doing this while you’re at it then right?”

-Now he’s sleeping in your lap

-Whenever you show him your work, he makes a small approving noise but he’s seriously impressed

-Draw Lucifer or Lord Diavolo in any offensive manner and he will actually start giggling

-Gets all huffy puffy when you draw his brothers instead of him (we all know Beel is the exception)

-I may have a thing for Belphegour

Al~

[maximum118]

Sitcom

Yang: Oh something that isn’t RTS. Wait am I here alone?

Yin: nope. 

Yang: Oh it’s my twin

Yin: You should stop fucking a psychopath. 

Yang: BITCH YOUR GIRL IS A PSYCHOPATH

Yin: At least we’re in a healthy relationship

Yang: Points at him* You sir have a good point.

Yin: smiles* I know I do. 

Yang: Fucker.

Yin: I only fuck Zen-OH SHIT! *Runs*

Kouten: COME ‘ERE PRETTY BOIIIIIII *Chases Yin*

Yang: . . .What in the world did I see?

Episode 3- Karens and obession pt 1.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4

              A few weeks after, the siblings moved into the penthouse together. They all finally had a week off. So, Haruki asked if they could go to the mall, and all the emo chickens couldn't resist, so they all decided to go. Sai goes with Haruki, Kouten goes on his own, Zen, Hato, and Satori go together, then Riku and Heisu go together. Let's check on them, shall we? 

           ~Saisho~

           Sai waits outside a game stop as Haruki tries to find a new game for his switch. While waiting outside, Sai hears his phone ring, "My anaconda don't, My anaconda don't, My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun" (Mal if you ever see this, I am so sorry.) Sai blushes and picks up quickly.

           "yes, Kaoru?" asks Sai trying to regain his posture. 

            "Hey, You're in the mall, right?" asks Kaoru. 

           Sai arches his eyebrow "Yea? What about it?" Sai asks. Hands cover his eyes. "Guess who?" asks a voice.

           Sai chuckles and hangs up. "Hmm, is it my sufficient other? Or a fan?" asks Sai jokingly. 

           The hands move from his eyes, and Sai looks to see a tanned green-haired person. Sai kisses their cheek. "I see that you're in your male form today, Kaoru." Says Sai. 

           Kaoru smiles. "Yea, I wanted to be a guy today. Besides, I wasn't expecting you to be here." They say. 

           Sai smiles. "Heh, Haruki is too cute for his own good. We all got talked into going the mall." 

           "How's sibling life anyways?" 

           "I didn't expect two pyromaniacs, a spunky child, a good boy, an innocent child, and two anxiety-filled kids."

           "…How are you alive..."

           "I have no idea." 

           "Let's go sit down. Haruki is going to take forever," says Sai as he holds Kaoru's hand, leading them to a bench. After the two talked for a bit, Sai kisses them. Kaoru blushes and looks away. "We're in public, Sai!" they say. 

           A woman walks up to the couple. . Kaoru arches an eyebrow. "Do you need anything??" asks Kaoru. 

           "You are exposing my little boy to homosexuality. Guys shouldn't be with guys. Girls shouldn't be with girls. God didn't make us be like this." 

           Sai blinks at her, Kaoru stares at her. "B-But I'm both genders." Says Kaoru looking down not enjoying the attention they were getting.

           The woman gasps. "Are you forcing this poor man to be with you?!" she asks, shocked. 

           Kaoru shakes their head. "N-No. He's 100% consented to it." They say. The woman looks at Sai. "Is this man forcing you to be with him?!" she asks. 

           Kaoru hears glass break, and they look at Sai, who has a shadow over his eyes "Sai don't…" Kaoru says. 

           Sai stands up. "First off, my sufficient other goes by they/them/their pronouns. NOT he/him or she/her. Second off, I am with them, and I AM with them willingly. Third off, I am pansexual.��� Says Sai rather aggressively. 

           "You…assaulted me! Security!" she says, the person looks at her. 

           The woman glares. "Pansexuality isn't a thing!" she argues, then she glances at Kaoru. "Neither is switching genders!" she adds. Kaoru looks down, growling. Sai takes deep breaths.

A tail with multiple hearts (Yellow, dark purple, and green) wraps around her leg and trips her. A blonde with green and purple streaks in a long braid was sitting next to the couple with a crop top with a white heart, a short grey leather jacket, skinny black jeans, and 5in high-heeled boots. The woman looks at the person. 

           "Oh, sorry, Hun. I didn't see you there. The tail acts on its own sometimes." Says the person cheerfully. 

           "NO, IT DIDN'T!" shouts the woman. The person smiles and leans down to her ear "Hun. You shouldn't have said pansexuality isn't a thing, nor is switching genders…" The person's smile disappears. Their pupils become like cat's when light hits their pupils. "I'll remind you, this is a world of quirks. I suggest you leave or somethings you shouldn't harass." Says the person darkly. 

           At that moment, a kid came running crying to the fallen woman. The person gets up and moves out of the way. The woman and the kid ran off shortly after that. Sai and Kaoru look at the person. 

           "thank you…er…" says Kaoru. The person turns to them and smiles. "Mochizuki. Mochizuki Tsukiya." They say, "Oh, and anything for a fellow gender switcher and pansexual." They add on.

           "You can switch bodies too?" asks Kaoru as they go up to Tsukiya. 

           Tsukiya nods. "Yup. Concubus is my quirk. Depending on my partner's sex preference, top or bottom, male or female, etc." they explain.

           Sai looks at Tsukiya. "Thank you. Can we pay you back?" asks Sai. Tsukiya thinks for a bit looks at the couple "…Names and numbers?" they ask.

           Sai smiles. "Saisho and Kaoru. A pleasure to meet you." Says Sai. Kaoru begins to write their number and Sai's number down on a piece of paper. Handing them the paper. 

           "Call us when you can," says Kaoru as Tsukiya's smile shifts into a smirk. "Oh, I will~ See you hotties around~," they say, leaving. 

           Sai looks at Kaoru. "Poly?"

           "Poly. Also, is my ringtone on your phone, Anaconda?" asks Kaoru, eyebrow arched. 

           Sai blushes and sees Haruki. "HEEEEEYYY HARUKI!!" he shouts. 

           Haruki skips over. "Hello!~ whose that?" he asks. 

           "This is my lover. Kaoru. Kaoru meet Haruki…" introduces Sai.

           Kaoru smiles. "Nice to meet-HEY DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT SAI!" they shout, looking to Sai, whistling, looking anywhere but at Kaoru.

           He, Kaoru, and Haruki walk from the game stop to the next shop talking. 

           ~Kouten~ 

           Kouten waits impatiently for his coffee. If he stands here for a while, reporters will notice him quite quickly. He pulls his phone out, reading something when he sees a familiar glow next to him.

           Turning, Kouten notices Inoue Eita. The lavender-eyed, ginger-haired, lantern-tailed male from the café a few weeks back. A smile comes across his face. "You look familiar." He says. 

           Eita looks up and notices Kouten "oh, you're the guy from the café…Todoroki Kouten, right?" 

            "Yup. That's me. The one and only at your service ginger." Says Kouten.

           Eita chuckles. "That's a creative one, redhead." He says. 

           "Heh, thank you. So why are you here at the mall today?" 

           "Spending some cash and relaxing from work." 

           "What do you do?" 

           "Well… it's technically two jobs. One for money and the other is a hobby…" 

           "Which are?'

           " I'm a journalist and occasionally an astrologer. The hobby is fortune teller…people tend to trust me more…" 

           Kouten pales but stays calm. He might be here to interview me. No matter how cute he is, He can't come ne- Oh damn, he has cake. Kouten glances at Eita’s ass and mentally slaps himself Kouten no. do not get distracted. He thinks. He looks at the lightly tanned male.

           "Really? That's interesting. Why do people trust you more than normal?" asks Kouten.

           "Well… I'm a Japanese Romani or what's usually called gypsy…through it's offensive to call Romani that…" 

           "Cool…that explains the tanned skin and the red slash and headband. No wonder your cute." 

           Eita blushes, and the lantern goes bright for a second "Huh?" 

           Kouten realizes, "HUH? What? Sorry, what did I say?" he says. 

           Two drinks are slid next to the "Large Coffee for Todoroki. Large chai tea for Inoue!" says the person. 

           Kouten grabs the coffee. "Huh, they actually said the name this time." He says. Eita holds the chai tea. "Well, it was nice talking to you, Todoroki…"

           Kouten looks at him. "Er…I don't have anywhere to be…Want to hang out until my siblings finish?" he asks. 

           Eita takes a sip from his tea and blushes. "S-sure…" he shutters out.

           Kouten walks to a table as Eita follows. The two sit. Eita looks at Kouten. "What do you do for a living?"

           "Executive Editor is one. The other is modeling. Make a few television appearances here and there." Answers Kouten as he sips from his coffee. 

           "Oh, wow, you must be well known then…" says Eita as he looks to the side. 

           "Eh. Being the former no.2 hero's kid is a big impact too, you know?" 

           Eita almost chokes on his tea. "Huh. What? Like Hawks? Hawks. Is your parent?" 

           "er, yea…why?" 

           Holy Shit…Hotaru wasn't lying. This man is a celebrity…I should back off before rival reporters invade my personal space…thinks Eita as he looks to the side. 

           "Oh… That's…amazing…" says Eita sufficiently quieter.

           Kouten notices and places his coffee down "what's wrong?"

           Eita looks at him. "Why would you want to talk to me?"

           "I have my reasons, Inoue. You sat with me. Plus, you interest me." 

           Eita's tail glows with Eita's initial shock "interest you? I don't want reporters in my face." 

            "I mean, I want to hang out with you more, Inoue. If any reporters came, I would simply say that you're a client for my manager, a fellow editor, or I can simply drag you off. Then they'll possibly leave you alone." 

           "Possibly?!" 

           Kouten stands up. "Yup. Now come on, there could be undercover reporters around." He says and throws his coffee cup away. Eita follows him. "Where are we going?" asks Eita.

           "I heard there was a dog place around here. Where you can play with puppies, I want to possibly adopt one or two." 

           "That's a, you thing…Why do I have to join you?" asks Eita throwing his tea away. 

           "It's awkward to go alone. You don't look busy either." 

           Eita sweatdrops. "Am I your lacky now? I don't want to see dogs." 

           Kouten smiles, then drag him into a store with many cribs with plastic walls inside with at least three different breeds of dogs. "Want to rethink that, Inoue?" he asks. 

           "…Oh my god their so cute." Says Eita as he looks into a crib where three puppies roughhouse. 

           "Rethought it? Adorable, aren't they?" asks Kouten. 

           Eita smiles. "Very…" he looks at a puppy moving away from the roughhousing of the other two. A worker comes over. "Hello. Do you want to play with a puppy?" she asks. 

           "Oh…we don't-"

           Kouten points to the puppy moved from the roughhousing "Can we check that one out?".

           The worker picks the puppy up and begins to lead the duo to one of the pens. 

           "…Why did you do that?" Asks Eita looking at Kouten. 

           "You looked like you wanted to play with it." 

           Eita looks down. "Was it that obvious?" 

           The lady lets them in and puts the puppy in a pen. The puppy runs up to the both of them. The worker smiles "She's a Papillon puppy. Very energetic. You two enjoy playing with her!" says the worker leaves.

           Eita looks down at the puppy and picks her up. The puppy begins licking Eita's face evoking giggles. "Awww, stop it! That tickles!"

           "Can I hold her now?" asks Kouten. Eita hands her over to him. The puppy yips and licks Kouten's Face. 

           The duo was having a good time when a woman stomps into the store. The woman walks up to the pen where the pair was. 

           "Uh, excuse me, that dog is mine." She says. 

           Eita looks at her. "But she's in the store??" he asks. 

           "Duh. Because I want it." Says the woman.

           Kouten hands the puppy to Eita. "Well, too bad I'm adopting her." Says Kouten.

           The woman looks at him and Eita, then she gasps, "Eee! Your Todoroki Kouten! Why are you hanging with a nobody slut?" Asks the woman. 

           Eita winces at that, petting the puppy; looking down, he hands the puppy to Kouten. "Here, Todoroki…" he gives the puppy to Kouten. He then proceeds to leave the pen. 

           "Hey! Inoue! Where are you going?" asks Kouten.

           Eita goes to the front desk and fills the paperwork up. Then proceeds to "accidentally" whack the woman with his lantern tail. "home." Answers Eita leaving the store. 

           The woman rubs the back of her head. "Ack! Slut! Anyways~ Are you seeing Anyone?~" she says. 

           Kouten glares at her "Bitch please, you look like a stripper. No way in hell would I go out with you." He says, glaring at her, "The one I currently wanted to know better is gone because of you." He adds, compressing the urge to kill her.

           The woman gasps, "you're a homosexual?!" She says then she pretends to puke. 

           Kouten glares at her. "I'm bisexual." He says. He then leaves the pen and gives the puppy to a worker. "W-Wait, sir!" Says the woman. 

           Kouten leaves the store and looks for the tan ginger. Who seemingly disappeared, the worker runs up to him with the puppy. 

           "Thought you put her back?" asks Kouten, confused.

           The worker smiles. "Why would I? Your friend adopted her for you. Paid and everything." Explains the worker. 

           "How…? My information is with me." 

           The worker shows the paperwork and his information. "Guess he stole your information when he left." She says. 

           Kouten takes his information back and his newly adopted puppy. Kouten smiles softly. "Guess I'll have to get some things and give you name," he says. 

           Waving farewell to the store, Kouten makes his way to a pet supplies store. The puppy in a kennel was given to him. 

           Meanwhile~ 

           Eita walks over to Hotaru, sipping tea. Hotaru arches an eyebrow. "The fuck you been?" he asks. 

           "I was dragged to a dog store," answers Eita as he sits next to him. 

           Hotaru laughs "really?" He asks.

           Eita doesn't respond and notices pale blonde hair and teal eyes, blonde hair and red wings, white hair and wings walking into a store.

            "Isn't that your…fuck buddy?" asks Eita. Hotaru smiles. "Ah. Hato? He can do what he wants for now. I have another fuck toy." 

           Eita glares at him, disappointed look "You can't just throw people away like toys." Says Eita disappointed. 

           Hotaru glares at him "that's rich coming from a guy who ditched his birth name." he says. Eita freezes. "I thought we wouldn't talk about this…" 

           "Well, we are now, aren't we bitch." Says Hotaru.

           Eita stands up. "I'm leaving." He says, "I will tell cops that you're the one killing people…" 

           "H-Hiroshi! K-Kouten! I-I won't tell! I promise! Please just…come back…" Says Eita. Hotaru pats his shoulder, and the darkness goes away. Eita immediately looks at his tail then looks up to Hotaru with tears in his lavender eyes. 

           Hotaru walks behind Eita, touching his shoulder. His smile widens. "You forget Eita. Unlike a good amount of people I torment, I know your fear." He says, snapping his fingers. The two were enclosed in a dark area the same size as where they are, creating the illusion that no one was there.

         Eita's eyes shrunk. He quickly moves his tail to his chest. His tail, though, isn't giving off the glow and dims. Then it goes out completely. Eita began hyperventilating, falling onto his knees, tears running rapidly down his cheeks. Please no! I-I don't want to die!!! Please! Give me a light source! Now! I want to be alive! I-I don't want to be alone! He thinks

           People look at the duo, and Hotaru smiles, helping Eita up. People go back to what they're doing. Leading Eita out of the mall, Hotaru thinks back to what name came out of his adoptive elder brother's mouth.

           "…K-Kouten!" Hotaru growls Why do these…chickens…keep getting into my family and business? First, Hato… a pretty little thing. Nice Lil fuck toy too. Then that blue-winged one…Librarian if I remember correctly. Insecure but didn't want me anywhere near Hato along with his boyfriend. Don't get me started on the pale blonde chick. She's crazy same with her boyfriend….

           Once outside the mall and into the car, now…this! Eita is befriending the what 2nd oldest? No. I won't…allow it.  I CAN'T ALLOW IT. I… won't lose Anyone…not again. Thinks Hotaru looking to Eita whose curled up in a ball.

           Hotaru rests his head on the wheel. I can't lose to these…these…emochickens! He looks up, changing his purple eyes to slits I WON'T ALLOW IT. If I fucking have to… I'll kill them…

They 

Won't 

Win

Saisho/Sai belongs to  @ulti-mal

Kouten belongs to @hairuko

Hato belongs to @juniperarts

Satori belongs to @fioresacros

Haruki belongs to @/_falyy on twitter

Riku & Hotaru to @diizaren

[wellthatjusthappend]

Hi! May I request a sequel to A Love So Soft? Dick has run out of ideas to break Slade and Jason up, so he recruits Alfred. Alfred's master plan is to invite the happy couple to diner at the manor. Thank you!

Cute! I switched around Dick recruites Alfred to Alfred recruits himself, but it still works. Enjoy!

Man, Tumblr has decided to stop alerting me to anything, I totally didn’t see this come in. 

****

Dick had officially run out of ideas.

Or well, he’d run out of ideas that wouldn’t end in absolute disaster. Every time he told himself that Jason’s safety was the most important part of all of this, he would imagine how badly Jason would react to him interfering. How angry and hurt he would be. How much he would hate Dick, even if Dick was doing it out of love. 

Worse, Jason would probably be more determined to stick with Salde just to spite him. 

So he did the only thing he could at this point and stalked Slade.

Which ended up being stalking both Slade and Jason, far more often than not. There were no words for how angry that made him. They were so sweet and gentle with each other, and every time Dick thought about what a cruel lie it all was, he wanted to strangle Slade. 

Dick learned Jason was easy to fluster, and quick to blush, especially over romantic gestures.

He wished he couldn’t have found that out first hand. He wished that those looks could be because of anyone but Slade bloody Wilson. 

Slade himself was almost never alone, but one day he broke his routine and headed out to the richer side of town. 

Heart beating quickly, Dick followed him discreetly as he could. He was sure that Slade was finally showing his true colors. He’d finally be able to catch Salde red handed with his employer and have proof that Jason would have to believe. 

To his surprise, Slade pulled up to the back of the lessor known Wayne properties and walked inside like he owned the place. Dick quietly parked behind him and snuck quietly to the door. 

Maybe Slade was really using Jason to get at his connections to the Waynes? Unfortunately, this residence had almost no bugs because it was a private property Bruce had gifted to-

“Master Dick, stop skulking at the door like a criminal and come inside.”

“...Alfred?” Dick said in disbelief. 

“Indeed. Now that you’ve demonstrated your staggering deductive skills, come inside and sit down. Tea is almost ready,” Alfred said, not even letting Dick get a word in before he was ushered in the kitchen where Slade was already lounging at the table with another man. 

It looked like a small feast was being prepared and it smelled wonderful. 

“I do wish you had informed me that you were bringing Master Dick along tonight, and early at that,” Alfred said bussing himself once more, “I will have to make some adjustments to the menu.”

“Got tired of the kid acting like my shadow,” Slade said, sipping his tea cooly. 

“You- you’re here for dinner?” Dick spluttered in disbelief. 

“Of course he is,” Alfred said briskly, “He’s Master Jason’s first serious relationship in a while, and I demand at least a monthly dinner from such prospects. You know that, Master Dick.”

Dick tried not to gape at him. From the way that Slade was smirking, he didn’t think he did a good job.

“How can you be ok with this?” he finally demanded, “he’s clearly using Jason.”

“Like he’s not totally whipped for the kid,” grumbled the man Dick recognized as Slade’s associate Wintergreen. 

Slade sent him a withering look. 

“Don’t give me that, the boy is much too good for an old man like you,” Wintergreen said bluntly. 

“And you’ll be first in line to give me hell if I do wrong by him, yes, yes,” Slade huffed. 

“Perhaps not the first,” Alfred said blandly. 

It was probably a coincidence that he was sharpening knives. 

“Duly noted,” Slade grumbled. 

“We’re not doing this here,” Dick grumbled, grabbing Slade’s arm and towing him out of the room. 

“And what, exactly are we ‘doing’, Grayson?” Slade drawled. 

“You’re up to something,” Dick said, rounding on him. 

“You’ve made it clear that you think so, yes,” Slade rolled his eye. 

“Don’t forget I know you. I know you are with young people,” Dick snarled, jabbing his finger at his chest, “You’ll say all the nice things and string him along until you’ve gotten what you wanted and then you’ll screw him over. I’m not going to let that happen on my watch.”

Not again. Not to his- not to Jason. 

“I can see why you’d come to that conclusion, but you’re dead wrong this time, kid,” Slade huffed, “believe it or not, I’m playing for keeps with this one.” 

How dare he-

“Whatever your employer is paying, I’ll triple it,” Dick snapped. 

“There is no job,” Slade growled, the slightest hint of real anger showing through.

“I don’t believe you,” Dick hissed. 

“At least I care enough about him to actually be there for him when it matters. When’s the last time you bothered to check in on him for something not related to your so called ‘Mission’?” Slade said, using his height to loom over him fully. 

“Don’t pretend you know a thing about us,” Dick snapped. 

“Yeah? When’s the last time you asked him how he was? What are his hobbies? We’ve been together for almost a year and you’re just now figuring it out- and don’t even pretend you’re someone he could tell something like that when the first thing you did when found out was try and pay his partner into leaving him,” Slade said. 

No one ever accused Slade of pulling his punches. 

“You’re trying to use him to get at the family,” Dick accused. 

“You know what I think? I think you’re jealous,” Slade said.

“You-”

“Jealous I get to have your sweet Little Wing while you get nothing but scraps,” Slade taunted, “Jealous that you were too much of a coward to risk making daddy Bats mad and I wasn’t. Jealous that you can’t make him happy like I can.”

“I- I’m not- you-” 

“Or maybe you’re just jealous that you don’t get all my attention anymore,” he said thoughtfully. 

Slade ran a thumb over Dick’s lower lip, and Dick was ashamed to say his thought process stuttered to a complete halt. 

“You had your chance to be mine. That’s past, now. What hasn’t is your chance to be there for your dearest Little Wing. Are you going to fuck that up again?” 

“Fuck you,” Dick choked. 

“Tempting, but Jason has asked me to be exclusive. In the end, his opinion matters more to me than you.”

Ouch. Fuck- that really wasn’t something that should hurt like that. Dick knew it was all over his face, that Slade was seeing too much-

“Sorry I’m late, some fucker decided the I-90 would be a great place to-” Jason cut himself off, jacket hanging part way off his arms as he stared at Dick and Slade standing in the entryway, his face paling before turning closed and guarded. 

Dick hated that. 

“You haven’t missed anything,” Slade said abandoning his place next to Dick help take Jason’s jacket from him, “Those layabouts give you any trouble today?”

“Wh- no, they were- Slade.” Jason put a hand firmly on Slade’s chest as the older man tried to pull him close, sparring a quick alarmed look in Dick’s direction. 

“He knows,” Slade said dismissively, not waiting any longer to draw Jason into a kiss. 

Dick couldn’t watch that so he turned on his heel and left the room. 

He couldn’t process any of it. He couldn’t. It was all a trick Slade had cooked up. Maybe to turn the family against each other. It had to be a trick. 

He headed towards the back door where his bike was parked and was stopped by Alfred on the way out. 

“Master Dick… I want you to think carefully about the bridge you are about to burn by leaving this way,” Alfred said quietly, “Even if he denies it, your opinion matters to Master Jason. If you reject him now, I fear you may never get another chance.”

“Alfred- I can’t,” Dick pleaded. He couldn’t pretend to be okay with any of this. Couldn’t watch the softest between the couple in the other room and just- just-

“Is that so?” Dick could hear the disappointment in alfred’s voice and that hurt in a whole different way, “Well then, I shall go finish preparing dinner for our guests.”

He left him there alone in the hallway, and Dick wanted to scream about how unfair this all was. He stared blankly at the doorway for another several moments.

So goddamned unfair. 

Dick turned around and walked back to the dinning room. Alfred had already set out a place for him, probably knowing he would come back. Wintergreen was keeping his thoughts to himself. Slade raised an eyebrow, but thankfully didn’t comment because Dick didn’t know what nasty thing he would have said to him if he did. 

Jason was looking at him with a deeply wary look that hurt somewhere deep in Dick’s chest. But there was also some horribly vulnerable hints of hope around his edges that made Dick know he had made the right decision by staying. 

“If you ever hurt him-” Dick gritted out, glaring at Slade. 

“Then you’ll help Jason maim me in some horribly creative way, yes. Overprotective threat duly noted,” Slade said boredly.

“Jesus fuck, you two are so-” Jason growled under his breath, but his ears were pink and Dick could tell he was gripping Slade’s hand under the table. 

Dick sat down.

[boogiewrites]

A Girl Walks Into A Bar

Chapter 1

Characters: Declan Harp x Bella (OFC)

Word Count: 6400+

Summary: Frontier Modern AU. Declan is a bar owner and local urban legend with a reputation he’d like to leave in the past. Bella is a rough around the edges, low key sweetheart that isn’t from his part of town. After meeting with the help of some bad luck and perhaps a touch of fate, how far will their undeniable chemistry take them until their histories catch up with them?

Warnings/Tags: Language

A/N: Currently watching Frontier, love it, felt a burst of creative ideas and I just went with it. First time writing for this character. As always, shout out to @jaegeeeeer who told me to watch the show and enables my bad behavior. <3 

Positive feedback is MUCH appreciated! Reblogs, likes, asks and comments feed me to write more! Let me know if you’d like tagged in my work.

My Masterlist. 

You'd had a bad day. Murphy's Law was created for the sole purpose of explaining the day you'd had. Your car is fucked, sitting in a shop currently as you just have to wait for a phone call about the state it's in and what limb you'll have to sell to afford the work. The bus was late, the coffee machine at work wasn't working and you'd dealt with assholes pretty much everywhere you'd went.

The bratty 16-year-old and her father that were in the studio that day had certainly earned the not affectionate in the least title. The Rolex wearing father, not attentive, blue tooth headset and nose stuck to a phone screen for the entirety of any communication you had with. He'd first insulted you, telling you to go fetch them coffee, tossing you a twenty while his clearly in need a smack and a therapist daughter barked a nonsensical order to you. You didn't go to Starbucks, you didn't know what the fuck any of this meant. You eat it anyway, as your boss is sighing and trying to keep the situation under control, seeing your known temper rising to the surface. You turn with an annoyed nod to leave, the father then smacking you on the ass on the way out. If your boss hadn't grabbed your arm, he would've been dealing with a broken pair of glasses and hopefully a cracked eye socket to accompany it.

You return from your errand, where of course, the barista was a dick. Still feeling insulted, seething as you see every switch and knob has been messed with in your absence. You hear the pterodactyl screech of this spoiled child from the booth, ignoring her while you fix what she's fucked up. Her father rushing you and claiming he was paying for this time and you were milking it.

After fixing others mistakes, you have to deal with the voice of the girl. You play it back over and over for her, she screams it sounds wrong, that you've fucked it up and it's your fault and you don't expect anything less from her at this point.

"Well it sounds wrong because you can't sing." you finally state matter of factly. You see your bosses hand go to her forehead, mouthing the word fuck.

The pterodactyl screeching does not falter, you are unphased despite the father now being tugged by his sleeve to you in the booth by his tantrum-throwing daughter, your boss walking in behind them.

"This is fucking insulting and I'm not doing it. This is a fucking studio for artists, not the next god damned Rebecca Black and her absentee fucking father! This is a place where we make MUSIC, we make ART here! Don't fucking insult my work here with this bullshit! I'm not here to cater to this fuckin' blue tool wearin' mother fucker and his piss baby of a kid!" you shout and you do not care. You started as an intern here, you worked your way up and you knew your value. No one else knew the technical side of things AND knew how to play instruments. Your boss knows this and knows she needs you as you both ignore the shouting from the two fuck heads who are still crying about things being unfair and unprofessional.

"I know. We need the money, I'm sorry. Why don't yo-"

"NEED THE MONEY?! BULLSHIT!" you shout, "If you needed the money so bad maybe don't go indulge your post-divorce crisis with plastic surgery and a new car CeeCee!" you grab your coat and angrily put it on.

"Just take the rest of the day off, Bella. This is clearly out of hand and no one can work like this." she says, not even mad at your words, you were never known to hold back your thoughts and knowing each other for years now your comments didn't phase her. You were a very passionate woman and it was all part of your process she'd quickly learned. Can't be as knowledgeable about music and art as you are without having a burning passion inside you for it. Unfortunately for you, this fire extended outside of your work and hobbies sometimes and made you a bit of a hot head. But at this point in your fuming, you were growing tired, so you cut it short.

"You're fucking right!" you shout as you slam the door behind you. "Take the rest of the day off," you mumble and mock her in an immature way but man, you were pissed. It was already after 5pm what rest of the fucking day was left! You're reminded of your car being gone as you stand in your reserved spot, staring at the freshly fallen snow that lay where it should. "Fuck." you groan, pulling on your gloves and tugging your hat over your wavy dark auburn hair. You had to walk to the bus stop and all you wanted was to go home and get drunk, so you in your winter wear, jeans and big black boots over them, a fleece lined leather jacket over your hoodie, all tied up cozy with a bow and a beanie. At least you'd checked the weather before you left the house so you were prepared for the walk.

You hear the sound of music as you walk down a street you'd driven past mindlessly, countless times. You're on the outskirts of the small community, outlying the city where you lived in a duplex, and much to your delight, you had no upstairs neighbors currently. No one to bitch about your music being played too loud or your guitar playing well into the night. As you round the corner, just a few blocks away from the, you're assuming, still shouting assholes, you let out a sigh as you recognize a guitar riff. It immediately sends the impulses you need to your muscles, your shoulders lowering finally from their tension. You've reached the source of the sound, you look up to the sign above the dark stone and wood front of the...bar...it would seem. You'd been past this place so many times and never stopped to look.  "The Trading Post." you say to yourself, biting your blushed from the cold lips. You see the welcome neon advertising beer and you sigh. You stand there for a few moments, considering just stopping in here, they were playing Zeppelin after all...how bad could it be?

You must've been wearing your foul mood all over your face because one of the men standing in a circle of other men, all wearing biker vests turns to watch you go in.

"You ain't lookin' for trouble are ya?" he asks, eyebrow raised.

You show no sign of intimidation. "I'm going in to drink to make myself forget about the fuckin' trouble." you say, moving your gloved hand to the door.

"I ain't never seen you here before."

"That'd be because I've never been here before."

"Yeah..." he looks you up and down in judgment and not in a sexual way, which you're relieved by. "But I've been told to keep out the riff-raff."

"Well no offense but one might think you guys are that riff-raff." you say with a stare and an attitude. One of the other men laughs.

"What's your name?" his eyes narrow.

"What's yours?" you ask with the same swing of your chin.

"They call me Southie." he answers.

"They call me Bella." you nod back, extending your hand and he looks at it in a surprised way but takes it, a gentle shake.

"Well don't go in there to fuck with no one, especially not Declan now, you hear? He doesn't take too kindly to folks running their mouths much."

"Who the fuck is Declan?" you ask. All the men laugh.

"You must not be from around here." he grins.

"I work a few blocks back, but I don't live in this neighborhood, no." you explain.

"Ah. Well..." he huffs out a laugh. "If you've not heard of him, you'll still recognize him when you see him." he nods and the other guys chuckle again.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" you ask with a shake of your head.

"Just let the girl go get a fuckin' drink, man, she's clearly in a bad mood, just let the little firecracker go." he laughs. You narrow your eyes at him, not sure if that was a compliment or not.

"Alright." he shrugs. "Go on, get in there baditude." he says with a nod of his head towards the door.

You pull it open, your eyes don't have to adjust much because the lighting is dim, just as a bar should be in your opinion. There are multi-colored lights in strings across the corners of the ceiling, neon signs placed with no rhyme or reason on wood paneled and brick walls. You look down the line of booths along the wall, all an old green color that only existed in the 70's you're pretty sure, worn and patched up with duct tape below the table tops with carved words of love and hate on top. To your right, there is a long wooden bar, a beautiful old monster of a thing. Looked like it'd been there longer than the building and the building looked very old itself. There's a faint smell of mildew, smoke and cheap cologne in the air. Had you just by chance walked into the dive bar you'd always wanted to call your local? When you catch sight of the man behind the counter, you know you have.

His back is turned to you, even from the doorway you can tell he's tall. As you walk forward, pulling your gloves off and stuffing them into your pockets he just gets bigger and broader the closer you get. A clearly well loved, thin t-shirt is all he's wearing in the dead of winter. You suppose maybe the past the shoulders mess of waves and curls that fade from almost black to a lighter brown towards the ends is keeping him warm. Or perhaps the lights that dotted the line of the bar were, some covered with colored gels, some broken, but you found it very charming nonetheless.

You're reaching for your zipper as he turns, guessing he's heard the door shut behind you. He turns as if he's expecting someone else, his head tilting just slightly as you continue walking. An intimidating face to match his stature greets you. His thick beard, just left of unkempt sits course, a full lip buried in the midst of it peaks out at you. His complimentary to his olive skin and dark coloration of the brown with yellow coloring eyes look over you under a heavy brow and hooded lids.  His almost Disney villain like naturally arched brows raise at your appearance in the bar. The act of unzipping your jacket while his eyes are on you makes your face flush. Or perhaps it was the heat in here. Hell, it could be both.

"What can I get ya?" he says in a deep but friendly voice.

"Uhhh..." you mumble for a moment, eyes looking over the bar back full of a plethora of bottles, some you've never heard of and for your Irish half, this was surprising as you'd known your fair share of alcohol in your life. "You have any real ale?" you ask with a wrinkle of your nose as he's looking to throw a towel somewhere out of sight to you.

His handsome face looks back up at you, this time a big grin appears, which you respond to with a few slow blinks. "We certainly do, babe." he says with a nod of his head, clearly supportive of your choice. Your eyes narrow as he turns at the use of the pet name. But you weren't getting a creepy vibe off this guy, but you were still withholding judgment. And as if your questions were meant to be answered, a man and woman walk into the bar, you feel the cold air move down and brush past your face.

"Oh hey, babydoll! Wasn't sure you'd show." he says, grabbing a box and walking it around the bar towards the man with the small woman.

"Hey Declan." he greets him, he picks her feet up off the floor with the entrapping hug he gives her. It makes the corner of your mouth want to pull back at the kindness behind the gesture. Looks like baby was just a word to him and part of you is grateful. "I'm running late sorry. I can't stay but I know I needed to get this before the morning."

"Otherwise you'd have me up at dawn waiting for you tomorrow to come to pick these up." he grins.

"It's like you know me sweetie." she grins up at him. He gives a hearty slap to shoulder of the man with her in greeting.

"You kids have fun then. That spots great for camping out up there. Just keep a lookout for bears." he says with a point of his finger at them both.

"Yes I know." she nods. "I googled everything, we'll be fine. Food up off the ground and everything, Got it."

"Good girl." he says patting her head, something she frowns insincerely at.

He returns to behind the bar, reaching back into a standing fridge and popping the top off a bottle before he slides it to you. "This one's my favorite." he says with a nod and a smile, your fingertips examine the green glass in your hands. He moves to shut the door to the room he'd retrieved the box from for the now gone, girl. You settle in on the stool, taking your jacket and hat off, fluffing your hair with one hand as he comes back. Your lips to the mouth of the bottle as his eyebrows raise at you in question.

"Shit man, that's good." your eyebrows raise as you look at the bottle. You hear a small grunt of laugh from him. "This looks like what those people just walked out with."

"Nah. Same people brew it, same label, different brew."

"Tastes like...fuckin' cherries or something." you say smacking your lips. "They must ferment it differently." you say, basically to yourself but it catches his attention. You knew your ale.

"Yeah they ferment it at a higher temperature, makes it have that fruity taste to it." he educates you further.

"This local?" your voice inflects with curiosity, meeting his eyes with yours.

"Yeah. But you aren't are you?" he says with that same warm expression.

You shake your head. "No." you take another drink. "I live closer to the city but I work just a few blocks over at the little studio on the corner." you explain.

"That sounds cool. I didn't think I'd seen you around before." his eyes narrow in thought.

"It can be but not today." you shake your head. "I've driven by this place every day on my way to work and never stopped before. With my car in the shop and after the shit day I've had the appeal of alcohol and Zeppelin I heard from outside earlier I just couldn't resist." you shrug and take another bigger drink.

"Well, I'm glad you did. I'm Declan." he extends his hand, you're struck with the size of his arms as one swings closer to you.

"Thanks. Bella." you say with a more friendly tone. Now you weren't strangers. "This your bar?" you ask.

"She's mine alright." he nods proudly. Your eyes wander down the long thin space of the booths and bar, as he walks to the end, and to your surprise he walks over to you, pulling a stool from between his legs and sitting next to you, elbow propped up on the bar. You see a larger room lies past, it remains dark and you can't tell much. But the warmth you feel coming off of his large body, now daunting next to yours pulls your attention from your curiosity of it. He scratches his head, scrunching his face, you look up at him from under your brow as his biceps appearance throws you more off than you'd like to admit. You see he's in light washed, slightly baggy jeans, holes, and scuffs galore, just as you'd expect from what you'd seen of his upper half. His boots have much the same appearance as him, sturdy and worn. "What's brought you to me and my humble second home tonight, Bell?" he asks, head tilted, eyes matched to yours, the laid-back vibe he had put you at ease and you welcomed it as it and the ale warmed you up from the inside out.

"Oh I've had myself a fucking DAY, Declan." you say with a roll of your eyes. He seems to like the use of his name. He likes the way it sounds, seeming to come from you so easily and without any loaded backstory attached.

"Sounds like it." he says with a lazy smile.

"I don't want to just sit here and bitch at you while you're working." you say shaking your head, not wanting to take the entirety of the man's attention.

"It's a weeknight sweetheart, do I look busy?" he asks with a smirk. Your big green eyes move around the bar.

"You've got a point," you say with a nod, taking another drink. "If you want to hear me bitch I mean...I'll sure as hell oblige." you say with a shrug, and he smiles, chin raised to show he's listening.

"Well, it all started..." you begin.  You're about to get into the girl touching the recording equipment when a seemingly harmless middle-aged balding man bops around the corner of the back room you can't see.

"Gimmie a loooooong neck!" he shouts, drunk but not angry.

He turns with a frown of apology to you, which was needless but you appreciated it. "Get it yourself Gary, you've been drinking the same thing for 20 years." he shouts back, looking back at you will an animated roll of his eyes. When his eyes fall back on you, you're smiling. The first smile he'd seen since you came in. He knew he wanted to see more of them from you. "Don't mind him. You were saying something about a rejected sweet sixteen applicant?" he grins.

He listens, and intently, eyes always on you every time you look up from the bartop or from your bottle. He raises and slaps the bar top. "That's it girly." he says, moving back behind the bar again, "On the house." he states, putting another bottle in front of you.

"Wha-?" you ask with a wrinkled nose he finds charming.

"Your drinks tonight. On the house." he says as if it's obvious.

"Uh..." you stutter and show your surprise. "That's very kind of you but-"

"Nope. I see a dollar of your money and I'm not giving you any more of that." he grins, pointing to the bottle.

Damn, he was nice, you thought, a subtle frown on your face as he turns to reach for a bottle with a stopper in the top, sitting two shot glasses in front of you. Damn, he was really fucking nice.

"Christ, dude you giving me Jameson too?" your eyes are wide and you take a deep breath as he takes the glass in his hand, you mirror the action. "My ancestors applaud the choice." you say with a chuckle that he returns.

"Oh you're Irish?" his chin lowers and one eyebrow raises.

"Half yeah." you give a quick nod.

"Oh well then get the fuck outta here." he manages to get out without sputtering with laughter.

Your face scrunches up and you let out a louder laugh, your shoulders moving with it. "To..." you pause to think for a moment. "To this hangover not killing me tomorrow." you say with a wide smile he's thankful to see as proof that your mood is improving.

He nods, you tap your glasses on the bar top and shoot them back. "Won't think less of me for drinking on the job will ya?" he says with a smack of his lips.

"It's your fucking bar, man do whatever you want, who am I gonna tell?" you smirk.

So time passes and the drinks pass with it. People come in and out of the bar, you switch from stool to booth to pool table and back. You playfully argue about White vs Rob Zombie, as per the shirt you're wearing.

"At least I'm not Mr. Dad Rock over here, I bet you put on the B side of IV and give a girl a six pack and the panties just go FLYING don't they?" you say with a loud laugh he matches, both smacking at each other.

"You sound like you're speaking from experience," he says with a sigh, wiping his face as his eyes started watering from the goofiness of your banter through the night. "Sound a bit salty about it, to be honest." he teases.

You snort and smack his knee, "I might be speaking from both." you admit, a laugh that grows and you shut your eyes with it. "Who says you can't learn from your mistakes?" you say with a goofy shrug.”Even if it takes it a few times to stick.”

At this point in the night there are only two other people, as you're wiping the laughing tears from your eyes you notice this, then your phone lights up and you see the time. How the fuck was it past 10 already. You pick it up and look at it. "Fuck it's later than I thought." you say, pushing your hands on the countertop. You stand and feel his arm around you before you even realize your knees are knocking.

"Woah there, hun." he says, hands on your sides, eyes clearer than yours and concerned.

"Oh you went and got me fuckin' druuuunnnnnnnnk." you say in a deep scolding voice.

"In my defense, you did the drinkin' yourself there babe." he chuckles, still holding you steady as he stands.

"Never rode the bus wasted before. This'll be a fuckin' story to tell you next time I come in here for sure." Although he didn't think you wouldn't come back, he's glad to hear you were already thinking about it.

"You are not riding the bus like this, sweetheart. Not at this time of night." he says, shaking his head. "Not anytime actually. You baby foal. I thought you could handle your liquor."

"I can I've just been sitting for 12 hours straight haven't I? Makes the legs no worky." you explain with a frown and he laughs at you again.

"Whatever you gotta tell yourself." he pats your head, as you steady yourself with one hand.

"If I were shorter I'd be mad about that." you say. You hear him huff out a laugh as he moves behind the bar and retrieves a huge fur and leather coat. Guess he was human after all, he could be part sun god for all you knew. Maybe that's why those dudes warned you, a mere weak mortal walking into the den of god. Oh wow, you were drunk.

"You want a ride home hun?" he asks very politely with a hand on your shoulder. He was going to beg if he had to, he wasn't letting a nice girl like you alone whether you were drunk or not.

"Ugh," you say, putting your arms in your jacket in a fussy way. "It's like 20 minutes away Declan, I can't put you out like that I'll call an uber or somethin'."

"I close soon anyway, you aren't putting me out. Mike's here to lock up anyway." He didn't trust anyone else to make sure you got where you needed to go, feeling protective over you. Not many nice women came into his bar, he didn’t want you running away so soon. And of course he felt partially responsible for the amount of alcohol you'd consumed. He'd given you some shit over being drunk but damn did you hold it well. You weren't wobbly as you step away from the bar, bending at the knees and stretching your sides.

"Seeing as I've been seen here I don't think you'll murder me...Would you? Promise me you won't murder me and I'll let you take me home." you say with a nod, a smirk on your face as you shove one of your gloves into your mouth and pull the other on.

"I solemnly swear I will not murder you, Bell." he nods in a charming serious way.

You playfully narrow your eyes at him. "Cross your heart?" you say before a silly smile spreads across your face.

"And hope to die." he chuckles, moving his finger over his chest.

"Only a real fucking asshole would break one of those promises." you narrow your eyes again, tugging your hat on and moving towards the door. "And don't tell anyone but I don't think you're an asshole."

"Oh she's got compliments." he says with a fan of his face in jest at your words.

"Nah she's just drunk on Jameson." you laugh as he stands right behind you, reaching down to open the door. "Oh fuck." you whisper as the ice hits you immediately. It was snowing. And hard.

"Looks like you wouldn't be getting that bus tonight anyway." he says, pursing his lips, hand on your back as you make your way out the warm, sepia-toned confines of his bar and out into the crisp, cold biting air of the cool-toned night.

You make it a few steps before you slip, which for the state of the sidewalk, was not something that was to blame on your sobriety.

"Ya gotta be careful there babe." he says, catching you for the second time that night in his over sized hands, feeling their grip past the layers you wore.

"That isn't from being drunk, I promise. There's ice." you whine with wide, honest eyes looking up into his.

"I'm inclined to believe you." he says with another warm, whiskey toned softly spoken words.

"Wait. Can you drive? Are you drunk?" you suddenly recall. He laughs and puts a hand around your elbow, the other around your waist as you head down the sidewalk slowly.

"I am not." he says with a reassuring smile. "Takes a bit more to get me drunk than it does a little thing like you." he explains, no teasing in his voice. You suppose to him, everyone was little in comparison so you take no offense. ----- The weather's worse by the time he pulls into the small driveway you're extremely lucky to have in this part of town. The usual 20ish minute drive you'd promised had turned into almost an hour. You felt bad about him doing this. But then again you weren't used to the level of attention and thoughtfulness he seemed to naturally exude. He did drive slow but an untreated road no matter the speed was an obstacle in an of itself, even in a four-wheel drive.

"You...uhhh..." you start, your hand on the handle of the door of the truck. You purse your lips, brow furrowed as you force your eyes to meet him. "It's really shitty outside, do you want to come in for some coffee or tea or something before you try to get out in this?" your tone isn't suggestive, and he never took it that way.

"I-uh..." he begins the same as you. He didn't want you to think that him going inside had been part of this plan originally. Didn't want you to think he was that kind of guy. But you weren't being seductive, your face reading as more concerned than anything.  "Yeah." he nods. "At least wait to see if the salt trucks start running through anytime soon." he says, corner of his mouth pulled back.

"Alright. Good." you say, a half smile at him before you move to hop out of the truck. You're taking your time making your way up the walk as he comes up behind you, hand hovering behind you just in case. You dig into your pockets inside your jacket.

You switch a lamp on in a narrow hallway, he takes in the hardwood floors, a colorful long rug lays down the hallway that leads to a darkened archway.  You throw your keys on a hook, taking off your layers. "Lock the door behind you please," you say, toeing off your boots. "Hang that cool ass coat up before I try to steal it." you say with a pleasant smile.

"Oh thanks." he says with a proud little grin, following instructions. 

You lean across a doorway, slapping a wall and hitting a switch, multiple lamps come on in the living room. "Go ahead and make yourself comfy." you say, moving your face back to him before turning to walk down the hall. "And don't mind Robert, he won't bother you."

"Robert?" he asks, eyes looking over the aesthetically pleasing room, walls decorated in paintings, framed records, and hanging guitars.  You were getting more and more appealing the longer he stayed around which enticed him to see where the night would go. He opens his phone to the weather, to see just how bad it's supposed to get.

"Yeah my cat." you call from the kitchen. A light switches on, another doorway illuminated to him as he looks up to see you moving around an exposed brick and steel filled kitchen.

"You named your cat Robert?" he laughs, looking up, his eyes landing on a small bookcase, filled with vinyl. His lips form an excited O as he moves and kneels in front of the records.

"Yeah, he's a little weird. He likes to sit in the flower pot in the window all and do nothing like a plant." you explain, he hears a tap turn on, a fridge open and close.

"So you named him Robert?" he asks with a questioning laugh.

Your head appears are the corner. "Yeah. Robert Plant." you say with a straight face as his head tilts with an exasperated expression of 'really?' at you. A huge smart assed grin appears on your face.

"Clever girl." he says, looking back to the shelves.

"I'm starving Declan, you want something?" your hand rests on your rounded out hip.

"What ya got?" he asks, raising and moving to lean in the doorway as you stand before an open fridge.

"Well. I was thinking some grilled cheese and bacon or something."

"Fuck yes." he says in a drawn-out deep way that makes you immediately turn and laugh at him.

"My sentiments exactly." you say, moving to retrieve the ingredients and plant yourself in front of the stove. He's planted himself in front of the records, you hear noises of approval so you think his review of your taste will be good.

"Oh hey little man!" you hear him exclaim. Robert must've decided to appear. You hear the familiar meow. "Oh you're a cute, big-eyed thing aren't you?" you hear him coo, the sweet tone making you smile. Robert did have a bit of a mushed face, bless him, with big orange eyes that were a touch too googly for his fluffy calico body, but you loved him just the same. "What a funky little dude." you hear him praise the meowing ball of fluff. You laugh out loud at the comment.

"No one wanted to adopt him because he is a little disproportioned, the poor baby." you explain. "But I saw him and his scruffy little face and I just fell in love with him."

He smiles contently at the cat, your words just giving him more reason to like you, you were a low key sweetheart, he could tell that much in all the...six or so hours he'd known you. How was it only that much time? You felt like old friends already. The cat quickly loses interest and goes towards the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. He moves back to inspecting your musical compatibility, you were doing very well so far. Rock and Roll in general, a touch of harder, a touch of softer. Good bit of Motown and disco, some newer looking records that he didn't know of and this intrigued him.

You walk into the room, a plate in each hand, each holding two grilled cheese sandwiches, multicolored cheese and bacon chunks oozing out the side. "C'mon." you motion your head towards the couch.

"I knew that smell was making my mouth water but they look even better than they smell somehow." he says, licking his lips at the sight. So he was motivated by food it seemed, and who could blame him. It wasn't like you learned how to cook because you hated food.

You set yours down on the coffee table before retreating into the kitchen and returning with bottled water, two cups, and a small teapot. You pour him a cup, your hands steady as the liquid steamed.

"They could taste like shit." you say with a straight face and he laughs, taking the plate from you as you sit cross-legged on the sofa next to him.

"There's no way in hell." he says, both hands on the sandwich already. You place the plate in your lap and move to take a bite. You both moan on contact.

"Fuck." you groan.

"Shit." he exclaims. "Bell, these are amazing." he says, another bite taken before the first is even swallowed. You can't help but feel proud. When the only other person you cook for, your friend Charlotte, is super picky it's harder to enjoy cooking because you so rarely got an enthusiastic reaction like his was without any coaxing.

"Thanks." you say after swallowing, not inhaling yours in the same manner, you sip your tea and watch him happily devour the plate of food quickly. You aren't even finished with your first sandwich and you give him a closed mouth, happy smile.

"These representative of your taste in music?" he asks, cutting the silence, hand motioning towards the bookcase.

"Oh yeah. I mean, I usually just listen to one of the music apps but I'm still a sucker for vinyl for things I really like." you nod in explanation. "Also just stuff I find at flea markets that strikes me as interesting, so it's a mixed bag. I just like some of the old album art."

"Oh yeah I get that." he says with a nod, eyes moving to the walls. "Like these?" he asks, the framed series of records on the wall to your right.

"Yeah, except that one." you point to one in the corner. "That's the first one I ever played on that we did at the studio."

"Guitar I'm assuming?" he nods to the two hanging on the wall, one a worn acoustic and one a matte black axe. What an interesting combination, he thought.

"Assuming right." you say after chewing another bite. "I went through a real big 80's metal phase and bought the axe on a whim." you chuckle while you chew.

"Looks cool as hell." he says with an impressed pursing of his lips.

"Agreed." you grin smugly before sipping your tea.

"You get to play a lot on the stuff you record down there?" he's leaned back on the couch now, phone left on the coffee table by yours, eyes intently watching you.

"Sometimes. I do rhythm and the technical aspects the most. But on that one I had to stand in for their guitarist after he got in a fight and broke some fingers...so I stepped in." you elaborate, finishing off your sandwiches.

"That sounds really cool. Seriously." he gives an enthusiastic series of nods.

"Well I think being a bar owner sounds cool." you say with a shrug.

"Sometimes." he says with a nod, withholding his usual enthusiasm so you change the subject.

"What's the verdict on the weather?" you ask, taking the plates to the kitchen.

"Mmmm..." he hums, looking it up on his phone, you walk from the kitchen, switching off the light and moving to the big window in the living room.

By the noise you make he knows the verdict of your judgment on the aggression of the storm to not be favorable. "I'm afraid it's not good, dude." you say, still looking out the window and shaking your head.

"This says much the same." he grumbles, raising to stand behind you and get a look himself. The roads still untouched, his truck already covered in a layer of snow.

"Uhhh...Declan?" you say hesitantly.

"Yeah Bells?" he asks, you both look to each other.

"You're gonna have to stay. You realize that right?" the corner of mouth draws up in thought.

"Is that..." he starts, pausing to shift his eyes for a moment. "Is that okay?" he hesitantly asks. "I don't want you to think that's what this was about."

"Don’t worry,  we're on the same page. I didn't want you to think I was getting fresh with you. You're just...you're nice and I don't want you putting yourself in danger in this." you admit.

"Well aren't you sweet." he smiles down at you.

"Eh. Wait till you deal with me in the morning and then see if you want to say that." you laugh, shutting the curtains. "I'm gonna grab some blankets." you say, moving into the closed door off a small hallway near the corner of the living room.

You appear again, a stack of comforters and pillows that tower over your head. As soon as he see's you with them he moves to take them from you.

"Couch is a pull-out, by the way. No way your tall ass is gonna be comfy otherwise." you laugh as you move pillows.

"You don't have to move stuff on my account." he hurriedly says, setting down the pillows into an empty chair.

"Hush, you brought me home and didn't have to, I can move some metal a few feet for you," you say with the shake of your head. "You can pull the coffee table over there though." you point to the far side of the room. 

So you've got it all out, blankets, pillows, space heater, all boxes checked.

"Alright. Remotes are there if you can't sleep, phone chargers on the side table, get whatever you want out of the kitchen. I'm the door on the left if you need me." you motion to the dark wooden door in the small hallway he'd seen you retreat to earlier. "You good?" you inquire, eyebrows high at him.

"More than, sweetheart, you talk about me being nice." he says with a smirk.

"Like I said. Just wait." you nod and chuckle. You move to switch off the lights, the glow of the space heater now the main source of illumination. "Night Declan." you lilt as you round the corner.

"Night Bella." he says in a soft, sweet tone that you let make your face form into a girlish smile since he can no longer see it.

CHAPTER 2

[leesacrakon]

Correspondence pt. 2

Part 1

Summary: Virgil despises his life, but when he’s assigned a pen pal from Arizona for his next English project, he decides high school might not be so bad after all.

Pairings: Future Analogical

Chapter Warnings: Bullying and some self deprecating talk

A/N: This Fic is a collab with the amazing @accidental-sanders ! They’ll be writing from Logan’s point of view and I’ll be writing from Virgil’s! They wrote part 1 and will be writing part 3.

- -

Virgil groaned as his alarm went off and reached around blindly in the dark, finally switching it off when he knocked it to the floor and smashed it. He flinched at the loud sound and mentally kicked himself, turning on his lamp so he could bend down and pick up the pieces. He knew his dad was going to be upset; they had barely any money for food, let alone a brand new alarm clock. Virgil thought absentmindedly about different odd jobs he could do to earn money to buy a new one. In the meantime, he would just use his watch as an alarm.

After setting those on his nightstand, he proceeded with his morning routine. Take a cold shower, brush his teeth, use make up to conceal bags under his eyes. The cold shower usually helped to wake him up. He barely got any sleep, working got hours on homework assignments he could almost never complete. The bags under his eyes were a clear result. Not wanting to be picked on or cause unnecessary worry for his father, Virgil always covered them with makeup. The hardest part of Virgil’s routine was trying to tame his hair, getting dressed, and being force fed by his father, Roman. Especially that last one.

“Son, you need to eat!” Roman insisted, shoving a pop tart into Virgil’s hands as he tried to escape without his father noticing. Virgil groaned and tried to give the pop tart back to his dad, but the experienced father of a growing teenager had some tricks up his sleeves. Roman smiled to himself as he slipped the pop tart into Virgil’s back pocket without him noticing as he ran out the door.

“Have a good day at school!” Virgil merely gave a weak wave in response and sprinted outside, not wanting to be suffocated by his dad’s almost contagious energy. Just as Virgil predicted each and every morning, he almost missed the bus, and had to sit all the way in the back where all the assholes were. What a fantastic way to start his day!

He walked quickly through the halls, keeping his head bowed low, ignoring the students who shoved him into lockers and shouted slurs that made the other kids laugh, ignoring the tears burning in his eyes and his heart thudding in his chest as he rushed to English class as quickly as he could. Virgil pulled his hoodie up, and thankfully the teacher didn’t say anything. He felt a small tap on his shoulder and glanced up to see Emile, the guy who sat next to him that he barely knew (he actually knew him pretty well, they just didn’t talk much at school. He was the closest thing Virgil had to a friend even still), looking at him with concern.

“Hey Virgil, you doing alright? You look like you didn’t sleep again,” Emile commented, brushing some of Virgil’s hair aside. Virgil flinched slightly but just shrugged, giving Emile a smile that he hoped looked reassuring.

“Yeah I’m good, no need to worry. I just had to stay up a little later doing some chemistry homework. I’ll try to get more sleep tonight,” Virgil mumbled. From the confused look on the face of his pink-loving companion, Virgil figured Emile hadn’t heard him, but he didn’t care. It was better that way; he didn’t need Emile worrying about his problems that didn’t even matter.

“It’s that time of year again class! Pen pals!!” Virgil’s over enthusiastic teacher squealed, her blonde curls bouncing as she skipped into the room. Virgil huffed and rested his head on his desk. He really didn’t like Ms. Patterson. Oh sure, she was a nice person and a great teacher, but she was way too loud and too...bright! Virgil only half-listened as Ms. Patterson explained the instructions. They would each get a letter addressed to them, they had to write a response of so-and-so length, no bad language, bladdy blah bleh blah. It was the same old project every year. Sure, Virgil had gotten some responses in the past, but they usually only lasted a couple weeks. The only one that really made a difference was this kid named Remy, who wrote a letter almost every day and ended up living super close by so Virgil got to meet him properly. He knew that this year would be like most years. No replies and no friendships. When Virgil’s letter was set on his desk he opened it without really looking at the address. As he skimmed over the letter he couldn’t help but smile. Whoever this kid was, they were a smartass. Just what Virgil liked. He grabbed his pen and pulled out a sheet of paper, beginning to write.

Dear Logan,

Unnamed student? That don’t do. I’m Virgil, or virge if you’d rather call me that. I’m doing pretty good, I guess. Better than I am most days, although I did smash my alarm clock this morning. I’m writing to you from New York. Since it’s summer it’s about 90 degrees outside or some shit. It can get up to a hundred or more here, but during winter, if there’s a wind chill, it can get in the -30s. I have seen a lot of snow, but nowhere near as much as the people in Buffalo. Did you know they get up to 6 feet? I think it’s cause of the lake. What’s Arizona like? Are there lizards and spiders in your beds?

I’m a junior too. I really like art classes, but I think creative writing is my favorite. Why do you like math? Does it help you concentrate or something? It just stresses me out. I don’t really do many clubs, but I’ve done some choir and tech crew in the past. You kind of remind me of this kid in my English class named Emile. And yeah, that’s a good thing.

Damn, you really are good at math huh? How did you come up with all those statistics? Can you do stuff like that in your head or are you being a smartass and mocking your teacher? I’ve been there, so don’t feel bad.

Virgil stared ay the math problems that his pen pal wrote, completely confused.

When you said you were going to write math formulas I thought it would be funny if I solved them, but I have no idea what the hell these are talking about. Also, surprise mother fucker, you’re letter has been received! I may have anxiety but I don’t think I doubt as much as you do. I get at least a couple replies from my pen pal every year. Have you ever gotten a response back before?

You know, personally I think letters are really cool. They tend to be more personal and it seems more real than getting an email or a text. When you write it’s easier to get your feelings out. You may even end up trusting a total stranger.

Sorry about that, ramble a lot. As for how much snow we get, it really depends. Sometimes it Makes us have to cancel school because the roads are too dangerous, but it’s fun to play in. I like building snowmen. You know what you should try to do since you don’t have snow? Build a man out of clay or something. That would be fun, right?

So, I guess I should ask a couple questions before I wrap up. What’s your favorite color? Have you ever been out of state? What are your preferred pronouns? Do you have any other hobbies?

I’ll think up of more stuff later. I hope I hear from you again.

Sincerely,

Virgil Prince

Ps. I actually did know that, I took a Latin class.

Pps. Thanks dude, I’ll keep that in mind.

Ppps. Why the fuck are you writing so many of these? Also excuse my language. If it bothers you let me know. And yeah, this assignment is weird, but who knows? We could end up getting married or some shit. Unless you don’t swing that way.

Virgil folded up the letter and stuck it in an envelope, writing down the address of his pen pal and bringing the letter up to the front. He wasn’t the first person to finish but he wasn’t the last either, which was slightly comforting. He stuck his letter in the basket, leaving it open for his teacher to read, and sat back at his desk. Virgil ignored Emile’s concerned glances as he pulled his hood back up, turning his music up to full volume and preparing himself for another day in hell.

[shallxt]

Meme: Know the Mun through the Muse!

What inspired you to try/create that muse/s: I was so hyped when they finally revealed a new Saiyan that wasn’t a OP, boring-ass clone/God fucker. And it looked like he had lore! History lore with Universe 7! And when I heard Kaggyfilms (Alejandro Saab) was voicing him, I just had to jump in before anyone else could. He really got me back into rping since I was itching to roleplay DBZ badly. Shallot just had every little thing I like in my protagonists I just couldn’t resist. And I was surprised at how many people liked Shallot when he was just a sideblog to my DBZ OC.

What is inspiration for that muse/s: In-Game! Shallot of course. As well as various Shounen and video Ggame protagonists. Goku is in there as an inspiration as well as Yusuke Urumeshi and Cloud Strife. But I try to stick to in-game Shallot as much as I can, listening to all his sound bytes and stuff. 

Thread/AU that made you really happy: My Xenoverse AU with @saiyanandproud is really fun and got me to make my what-if training scenario with Shallot and Zahha. Also she’s the first real shippy thing I’ve done on Tumblr with Shallot. I also enjoy my weird AU with @friezx because he’s an idiot and drives the poor lizard to drink. I also love any of my threads with @lcrdbeerus, @stoplickingthingsweird, @radmanraditz / @nappainanotherdimension (BALD DAD BALD DAD) and @angelfccdie. I also LOVE LOVE @urumisu-nicetomeetyou and Shallot’s interactions, they’re so cute it HURTS. i CANT FORGET ABOUT MY ZAHHA @dual-sword-zahha too theyre so fucking gay i love it and I love anything I do with @blue-and-blonde

Something really special on your wishlist: Angsty shit with the Saiyan in Red. All the gay shit with Shallot. Threads with any of the other Z Fighters, stuff with Goku and Vegeta and Nappa. I also just wanna unload some harsh Sadala lore truths (my headcanons lol) on Vegeta and just watch his brain just blue-screen. 

Something you are looking for in short future for your muse: o boi i can’t wait until i can finally use these god damn super saiyan shallot icons. or...some deep lore bombs and flashbacks with shallot and saiyan in red.

Share something related to your muse! uh...we both like to eat i don’t know

What do you think about character’s design/how do you came up with this: SLAMS FISTS ON THE TABLE I LOVE SHALLOT’S DESIGN!! Papa Toriyama does it again and is horny on main while doin’ it. Again. He finally decides to cohesively color the tail the same color as his hair. Also the blues are nice, Toriyama always designs characters and colors them nicely. I really love the similar yet different design of the Ancient Sadala armor but giving him some more meat than the U6 Saiyans and bringing the tails back, because he’s obviously U7. 

What your muse teached you: You shape your own indentity and destiny. Don’t let the bad times keep you down, because the bad times are just times--that are bad. - Shallot probably but this is just dialogue from Animal Crossing. 

What is roleplay for you: A fun hobby and a creative outlet. Something to pass the time and explore the depth of characters that otherwise might not have any of don’t get any. And it shows your love and appreciation for the characters! It’s fun!

Just say something nice about other mun!: @urumisu-nicetomeetyou, @saiyanandproud, @friezx, @radmanraditz, @stoplickingthingsweird 

*strums guitar*

i love ya bitches. i ain’t gonna stop lovin’ y’all bitches.

Tagged by @saiyanandproud

tagging: all of you if ya want idk

[gingerly-writing]

Questions Tag Games

explanation: I’m super late to these, I suspect not many people will want their dashes spammed with my random answers, and I’m not tagging people, so I’ve amalgamated all of these into one post. 

tagged by @concealeddarkness13! haven’t spoken to you in a while, hope you’re doing great

1. Would you rather write a more classical hero or an anti-hero as a protagonist? I’d rather write a hero for the protagonist, but an anti-hero as a general character

2. Who is your favorite character you have written and why? Ever? That’s cruel. Out of people that y’all would know, Urial does seem to generate the most emotional reactions

3. How many WIPs do you have? 3 proper ones, currently: Iron Flower, Space Royalty and Piracy Pays

4. Who is your least favorite character you have written and why? To write? Klarion from Young Jutsice fanfic. Motherfucker would not follow the assigned plot. Hate-wise? Possibly Coincidence or Accord, neother of whom you guys have met yet. Those two are a pair of nasty criminals/villains, and they are a little too good at punishing anyone who gets in their way

5. What is your favorite aspect of writing? Finishing!

6. If you had only one sentence (per WIP) to get someone to read your books, what would the sentences be? They wouldn’t because I suck at loglinesss...humourously though?

IF: an entire continent is saved from the ravages of war by the ancient art of sexting via treaty negotiations Space Royalty: ‘she stabbed me? god-fucking-dammit I am so in love with her’ Piracy Pay: you get to chug your drink every time I kill a character

7. If your protagonists fought to the death, which one would win? Protags? Depends if morals were removed, and whether it was on-on-one. Koronis, if not -he’s an emperor with black magic and an entire galaxy-wide army.  If it was on-on-one with minimised morals, Ace would stand a damn good chance. Boy is smarter than he gives himself credit for, and very adaptable. Galaxy is also pretty viable. Girl can swing a superpowered punch like she means it, and she hasn’t survived this long on luck alone.

8. Which protagonist(s) would survive the zombie apocalypse? Koronis would. Ace would die trying to save someone else. Solaris would...provided Monarch was dragging him around, and even then they might go down together in a dramatic last stand. Galaxy would be in charge of a small, benevolent queendom. Cleo would, those plant skills would make her handy to any new civilisation. Fact would go down staving off the hoardes so everyone else could run. Rosalie would think she was the weak link of her group, but they would probably keep her alive; L’aura would kick zombie ass.

9. Which is your favorite story you have written or are working on? Space Royalty is damn fun to write -the benefits of extravagant, overdramatic space operas I suppose. Piracy Pays has had a good reception, so I’m pretty proud of that. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going until the end! It is a huge pain o write though

10. Which of your characters is your favorite villain and why? Raph is my evil supervillin crimelord Big Bad and I adore him utterly

11. When do you find is the best time of day for writing? Evening! 8pm-1am

*******************************************************************************************

tagged by the lovely @a-sundeen​! this is so old I bet you don’t even remember tagging me, oopsie

1. When you’re describing a new character, what feature do you usually note first? Build, usually, as in their height/weight ratio, muscles/skinniness or lack of, how they carry themself etc. The reason for this is that I often start with the macro ‘impression’ of the character before zooming in on a few specifics. I try to use an interesting description or comparison here as well.

2. Do any of your characters play an instrument or really enjoy music in general? If so, what instrument (or what genre, if it’s the latter)? I am the least musical person on planet earth, so making my characters musical often doesn’t occur to me. Koronis can sing and play the space-piano (forced childhood lessons), and Jade can play the violin, but neither of them are passionate about it. Kolya/Cynosure (the popstar/supervillain) is very very musical, but I skip around a lot of the specifics because I’m a big cheater. He mostly makes anti-establishment and anti-hero music, but he’s one of those artists who strays all over different genres.

3. Which musical artist usually gets you the most pumped to write? Les Friction does good dramatic music and they’re not so well known, so I like to tell people about them when I can

4. Do you prefer writing fight scenes over other types? (This is a weirdly worded question I’m sorry, rip) It’s worded fine, sunshine! And no, I don’t like writing fight scenes because I don’t like the logistics of them. There are too many limbs to keep track of, and then I feel like I’m neglecting their surroundings and potentially useful items in favour of mentally tracking who’s where and what their arms and legs are doing. I cover up for my fight scene weaknesses with too much dialogue, and I’m fully aware of that fact.

5. Is there a city or country you’d really like to write in or about? Write in is probably just where I’d like to travel, so Russia, India and South America (I know that’s general but it’s the only continent except Antarctica that I haven’t been to) are my top choices. Write about…I’d like to sink myself deep into east coast USA to really nail the feeling of Galaxy’s city and her character, and then be able to confidently write about it. I do have a study year abroad coming up in 2020, so here’s hoping…

6. Do you prefer to be warm or cold while you write? Warm! I love blankets and my big fluffy dressing gown, and on top of that all my friends always complain about how hot my house is

7. Do any of your characters have hobbies you’d like to try out someday? Fiction wise, glo-ball from Space Royalty sounds like a very entertaining game, especially when I’m kept safe behind a pod. sodding netball injuries Jade paints and draws, and I’d love to get better at art. Likewise, Rosalie sews, making and decorating her own clothes, and I’d love to be able to do that. Idk, does being a supervillain count as a hobby? I’d love to rob a bank…not even necessarily for the money, just the #aesthetic

8. What is your favorite type of character to write? Villains! And morally grey people. And characters where the POV character has no idea what they’re really thinking, who they really are, what they actually want etc. And, on the flip side, balls of positive sunshine, because they make me feel better about the world

9. Halloween is here! Which character has a costume made for them by their mom? Ahahahahaha can you tell how late I am to this.

10. Halloween is here (again)! Which character thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up anyway? I AM SO LATE. Rosalie thinks the holiday is childish but dresses up in the most elaborate homemade princess outfit ever and entertains all the kids she can find. What, it is a children’s holiday, surely she should be making them happy on their special day…

******************************************************************************************* tagged by @blackfeatherantics who is now @mbovettwrites I think? I hope?

1.      How long have you been working on your WIP(s) for? Iron Flower is the oldest current one, and I started it on Christmas Day 2016

2.      What song would you assign as your protagonist’s theme tune? I’ll just pick one, and Koronis’ is Young and Menace by FOB. No real lyrical reason, it just reminds me of him

3.      Do you have any favourite spots (gardens, parks, cafes, etc.) where you like to write? The sofa in my living room next to my family

4.      Poetry or Prose? Prose!

5.      Where do you draw inspiration for your writing from? Everywhere! Other people’s writing and prompts and published novels and TV and movies and random stray thoughts and daydreaming and chatting to other writers and-

6.      Is there any popular book that you wish you had written and why? The Lies of Locke Lamora because I’d take out the first 100-ish page of solid worldbuilding and backstory that seemed almost completely irrelevant to the rest of the plot?And the domino-effect of all the plot elements knocking each other into action at the end was so clever, it annoyws me that the beginning means I don’t like reccing it to people

7.      What’s your planning process when you start working on a new WIP? I daydream about it for at least a few weeks to make sure the idea has staying power. Then I come up with character names, quirks, descriptions etc. finally, I lay out the plot chapter-by-chapter from the beginning to the end so I have a guiding rope throughout the whole process and I’m less likely to get stuck. Of course, that’s when I plan on letting a WIP bloom into being. Some, like Space Royalty and Piracy Pays, start off as short drabble ideas and then refuse to leave, which means I have no concrete plan for them...

8.      Do you work best in mornings, afternoons, or at night? Evening!

9.      Would you prefer to self-publish or work with an agent and publishing company and why? Agent and publishing company, because I value the help they can provide more than the ability to retain complete creative control over my book (since I’m crap at titles and designing book covers anyway)

10.  How do your emotions/moods affect your writing? Not a lot tbh. If I’m very very tired I can’t write anything good, but I’m not sure that counts as an emotion.

11.  What’s your favourite line of your WIP/one of your poems? I’ve written both of my current favourite lines for prompts, which were: ‘Time hollows all victories’ and ‘The hero doesn’t die in this one’. I’ve had other favourites in WIPs over time, but I can’t think of them right now

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the ever wonderful @time-to-write-and-suffer

1) How are you so awesome? Genetics.

2) What’s your favorite thing about your writing? The dialogue! Or the romances, which I mostly like because of the fun/cute dialogue.

3) Who’s your favorite character that you’ve written and why are they your fave? This is so mean. At the moment, Raph, because I can’t stop thinking about him and he’s so incredibly dangerous, yet on the low down (like the Mariana Trench level of low down) he has all these cute little quirks that only one or two people know about

4) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you love. What happens? Rosalie becomes a Grisha in Leigh Bardugo’s world. She finds a sense of self-worth and gets to enjoy the little luxuries that come with the position.

5) One of your characters has been placed in the world/plot of a book you hate. What happens? X takes the place of Celeana Sardothien. He murders everyone in his path, tells the crown of Terrasen to get fucked because there’s no way he can run a whole government with any level of competance, probably murders Rowan with extreme prejudice, opens the Wyrd gates just to search the universe for Raph and bring him through so he can construct a decent government for Terrasen, would probably sleep with Dorian, would make it his new life goal to highfive Manon.

6) Your characters must fight each other to the death until only one stands victorious. Who wins? Raph. Koronis could conceivably stand a chance against him, but Raph would decimate pretty much anyone else. I think Raph would be able to stay above the fighting for longer, whereas Koronis would jump in just a touch earlier, which would be his downfall.

7) If you could steal a cover and a title from other books to use for your own WIP/s, which ones would you steal? Cover-wise I’d steal the minimalist Red Queen aesthetic, because that sleek shit is the bomb.  Title-wise? That’s harder. The Lies of Locke Lamora has some sick alliteration, but I think I’d rather steal the style of it rather than the exact title

8) If you switched places with one of your characters, what would happen to you and to them? I would die, pretty much everywhere. If Rosalie swapped with me, she would slowly come out of her shell and become a fashion designer -not an A-lister, she wouldn’t like how vicious and ruthlessly businesslike you have to be, but maybe making her own high-end clothes in a small shop in London

9) What makes your style unique compared to other writers? Thanks for the existential crisis, Eff.

10) Describe your antagonist’s song number if they were a Disney villain. No Good Deed from Wicked, for Darklight

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the lovely @itstheenglishkid

1. Have you ever realized how similar an oc is to you and felt the need to change them so they aren’t so similar? I mean, Jade from Iron Flower almost shares a name with me, and she’s ginger, which did concern me for a while, but hopefully she’s nothing like me personality wise (or else I’d have to do some serious self-reflection)

2. Do any of your ocs like candles? I bet Rosalie loves pretty candles, especially patterned or strongly scented ones! Anything luxurious that she can’t afford, really

3. Do you normally write settings that are (or are based on) places you know intimately (ie your home town)? Oh god no. I like sweeping Chinese-inspired castles or creaking pirate ships or far flung space universities and man-made planets. I’m really not a contemporary writer though, so I guess this isn’t much of a surprise?

4. What is a book that feels similar to your own wip? Ahahaha, which WIP? Piracy Pays has similar vibes to @boothewriter‘s pirates and probably also @noodlewrites’ pirates (I’m guessing? I haven’t read any excerpts from you I’m sorry). Space Royalty is just weird. Iron Flower is probably similar to a lot of generic fantasy YA, like Red Queen and whatnot.

5. Do you have a dream cast for your ocs? I don’t really faceclaim? Or know much about a wide array of actors, so no, not really.

6. Are you good at story titles? Do they come easily to you? I am abysmal at story titles, holy shit. I mean, you can see the evidence scattered around this post. Piracy Pays and Space Royalty are just placeholder names, but I’m not convinced I’ll come up with anything good to replace them. Iron Flower is alright in that its relevant to the story and fits into the series title (The Flowers of War) but…idk, its not setting the stars alight or anything.

7. Do you ever change oc names once you’ve started a wip? Not often, though I am considering changing Ace’s name because I don’t think ‘Seb’ suits him. Only question, what to??

8. Which people have you let read your work? I mean, all of y’all have the opportunity to read Piracy Pays. No one has read Iron Flower, and I’m stretching myself by letting @rrrawrf-writes @lux-deorum@haphazardlyparked read Space Royalty in its raw first draft stage.

9. What usually catches your attention about a book first? Style? Characters? Plot? I’m quite an easy reader to catch and hold tbh. What makes me love a book is a clever plot. For me, a very strong plot can carry weak-ish characters, but I can never read super deep characters with no plot.

10. Do you have a favourite author? Probs Rick Riordan, or Julia Golding.

******************************************************************************************* tagged by the wonderful��@typeaadventures

1. How many works in progress do you have? Properly, three. Iron Flower, which is written (143k) but needs editing, Piracy Pays which y’all are reading, and Space Royalty which crossed 30k about a week ago

2. Do you/would you write fanfiction I used to! I stopped in Y12/13 because I didn’t have enough time to do fic and original writing, and I haven’t really had the time to pick it back up.

3. Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Either, I’m not fussed. Though if it has a really pretty cover, I’ll be hankering after a paper copy

4. When did you start writing? 14-ish on Young justice fanfic

5. Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? Not all of my work, but yeah, I have a lovely server and also some irl friends that get the junk landed on them

6. Where is your favourite place to write? At home chilling with my family while we all do stuff

7. Favourite book as a child? Dragonfly by Julia Golding

8. Writing for fun or publication? Hopefully publication, but I know I need to improve a lot first, honing my skills etc.

9. Have you taken writing classes? Not a lick

10. What inspired you to write? Gotta get those stories out of my head and onto the page, man. Gotta get that sweet sweet representation out there too.

thanks everyone!  xx

[personblogging]

ALL THE EMOJI QUESTIONS

TY GEM

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? i don’t really like the original star wars movies

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? nick offerman or the queer eye guys

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? i love ice and flying type so by default articuno’s my fave, but i also LOVE litwick and pumpkaboo. also my fave starter is squirtle

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? socialism and rebooting the DC films

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? i was on the run cause i had superpowers and nancy from stranger things was tracking me down

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? her honesty and her willingness to push me to be better

😘 talk about your crush or partner she’s a youtuber named Stef Sanjati and holy shit she’s so fucking pretty

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? i’d probably just say something sarcastic in return or tell them that they’re insignificant and their attempt to be remembered by disturbing someone else’s life is just sad and they ultimately won’t have an impact on this world

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) fuck you. i guess… uh, my creativity, my taste in film, and… idk my kindness?

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? i’m terrified of death and probs won’t overcome it. ya know that MBmBaM bit where griffin’s like “okay i’ll think about death… OH GOD IT’S ALL GONNA STOP ONE DAY” that’s me 24/7

🎁 what never fails to make you happy? my best friend calling me

💙 what annoys you about some people? being rude

😤 do you get angry easily? yes but i internalize

🐇 what do you always daydream about? i daydream more than i do things tbh it’s a lot

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?  the rate of acceptance, the entire economic system, more video games that aren’t just about murder (GIVE ME MORE ADVENTURE GAMES, DAMNIT)

🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry? i guess i technically can’t do this one?

✈️ what is your dream city and why? LA i just wanna live there it has the career path i wanna do and i know some friends and family who live out there

☕️ talk about your ideal day wake up, hang out with by bff, play with our dog, play D&D with my friends, get drunk later in the night while playing video games

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? ambivert

💧 when was the last time you cried? uh like yesterday morning

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, Dancing Queen by ABBA, Django Jane by Janelle Monae, Remember Me from Coco, and anything by The Killers

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? i’d want the power to travel to alternate realities

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? do your fucking homework, kid

💚 who are you jealous of and why? i’m jealous of literally anyone i meet

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? tbh i’m already kind, and i’m feeling vapid right now so either beauty or bravery

🙊 what are you ashamed of? what am i not ashamed of is the better question

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? i know english and i really wanna learn spanish mainly so i can connect with my family

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? look i’m not nearly as in love with Doctor Who as i used to be but i am not turning down being that fucker’s companion

☁️ talk about your dream universe. it’d pretty much be a fantasy world on crack… The Adventure Zone

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? i’m about to go to sleep the main act of kindness is letting myself actually do that

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? phoenix cause flight, being pretty, and immortality

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike people who voted for trump, especially people who did it out of spite. there’s one girl from high school who said on facebook that she voted for trump cause people called her a racist and it’s like, holy fucking shit, so you, a white girl, was called racist by your white friends, and just to spite them you decided to screw over latinos, muslims, black people, and other minorities? fuck you

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately EVERYTHING

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? i wanted to make video games as a kid, now i want to make movies

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? okay i know most people hate them but i love those really soft supermarket cookies. also gummy worms

🍑 what are you obsessed with? right now, D&D

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? i internalize and die a little inside

😪 what are you sick of? my self-hatred

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? yes

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? life is strange has good dialogue. 

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? i like to think so

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? i know i keep talking about dungeons and dragons but guys it’s such a good game

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? django jane

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? procrastinating. i’d improve it but i keep putting that off

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? i honestly don’t doodle i usually just write down shitty ideas i have

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? my depression

🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? ENFP idk why it suits me i guess if i were in a story i’d be the boring protagonist

🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite! again can’t do this one…

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? donald glover because he’s an amazing director, writer, actor, everything and keeps being awesome at those things. also jordan peele because i love comedy and horror and he went from one to the other so seamlessly and is generally amazing

🐴 opinion on __? …

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? hells yeah

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. 

Slaughterhouse-Five “Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.”

The Hobbit “’There is a long road yet,’ said Gandalf. ‘But it is the last road,’ said Bilbo” 

Harry Potter “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.”

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? repress and it does not help

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? my dog

🌍 which country do you live in? america

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words kind, creative, sad

🐵 which quotes changed you? ”And you know what you do with all that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight, ‘till it burns your hand, and you say this: No one else will ever have to live like this. No one else will have to feel this pain! Not on my watch.”

💭 do you keep a diary? i have a dream journal word document

💫 who inspires you? guillermo del toro, jordan peele, donald glover and greta gerwig

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? i don’t believe in ghosts but i’m afraid of him. i like to believe that consciousness is too complicated for there to not be remnants after death, but idk man

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? nerd-chique

🎬 what are some of your favourite films? Okay let’s FUCKING DO THIS

Arrival, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Haunting (1963), Spirited Away, Moonlight, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Princess Mononoke, Inside Out, The Wizard of Oz, Stand By Me, Mad Max: Fury Road, World of Tomorrow, Pan’s Labyrinth, Selma… I could go on tbh

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? i’m gonna be uber cliche and say my trip to Disneyland

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why? have i talked about donald glover enough? cause it’s him

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[silentwalrus1]

Chad, if you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living? Also, do you ever struggle with anxiety or other kinds of mental blocks that interfere with your art, work, or life? I'm kind of struggling right now and I look up to you.

hooo boy. ok first of all, disclaimer: what works for me is the exact fucking opposite of the ~self care~ and ~love yourself~ info and advice that is the majority of tumblr stress mitigation. That’s not to say it’s not good advice for some people, but it is extremely useless to me. I am not that person. I get nothing out of being told to love myself and relax. One of my desktop backgrounds is just this: 

so pls keep that in mind; i can only tell you what works for me, and that might really not work for you. 

I’m a very practical and solution-oriented person. That means when I run into a problem I make a solution tree and start running through it until something works. This is especially helpful for hobby/free time creative work and emotional problems. (sometimes physiological too, since 90% of the time my meatsack is a mystery and i just kind of live in it.)  

That said, if you have like, actual anxiety etc, I’m not qualified to help you; idk what that’s like and idk what would work best to address it. If you have more generalized “oh no shit is bad” feelings stuff, my approach may help. 

For an “I Feel Bad” issue, i run down the checklist - did I eat? sleep? water? stretch? go for a walk? need to look at memes for 10 min? talk to my friends? call my mom? clean apt/do completely different task for 20 min? Do these things until something clicks. However, if you have an issue with a Specific Problem, the only way I know how to fix it is tackling the fucker head on. 

Let’s use an example: you have to answer a scary email. If you can let it sit for 5 min, go ahead and let it sit - stand up, walk around, get a drink or something - and then sit your ass back down and answer that email. Gotta make a phone call? Write yourself a script. Have it in front of you. Dial the motherfucking number and say what you have to say. Boom: you did it. Problem’s gone. In my experience the hardest thing is getting started, because once you start you realize this isn’t so scary, that you can do this, and that you’re much more capable than you expected - and that if you fuck up, that’s okay too: you learn from it and you try again next time.

If you’re looking at more existential anxieties stuff, like “I am bad”, I suggest you break that down into very small pieces. What are you bad at? How can you improve? I’ve never had a problem with worrying “am i good enough” because I always, always looked at the practical results: either I was good enough or I wasn’t. Either my art wins awards or it doesn’t. Either my story is interesting and popular or it isn’t. And if it isn’t, then all it means is I have to improve. This is not about me: it’s about my work. It’s about my capabilities, which are not fixed properties: my skills can change and grow as I learn and adapt and become even more of a fucking boss. 

Ofc, sometimes you run headfirst into a wall, and that’s the end of it. I failed precalc in high school, took it again the next year and scraped by with a C. It’s not ever going to be something I’m good at. I’m still fucking mad about it, but I’ve accepted math is not among my strengths and so I pour everything I could have poured into math into other things. “Failure” is a data point and that’s all. I failed, which means I learned that I was never going to be well-suited to a math-heavy position, which means I know where to apply my focus and energy, i.e. not there. If you keep hitting the wall again and again even when you’re giving it everything you’ve got, then that means you have to change something, and sometimes that means abandoning that track, cutting your losses, taking everything you learned from the endeavor and trying something completely different. Sometimes we gotta accept our limitations and move on. 

Because yo, you can be super talented and a great person and try your hardest and do everything right and not get what you want. That’s just life! Shit just happens. Keep going, keep doing your thing, don’t get discouraged. If not today, then tomorrow. If you don’t finish this one thing now, you’ll try again in fifteen minutes, or next week, or next month. Get bored? Keep working. Lose motivation? Keep working. Find something that will power you through what you need to do: spite, grit, hope, anger, shame, bills, peer pressure, WHATEVER IT TAKES. FUEL UP. BURN THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKER. 

Do what you gotta do. If that means set goals, then set goals - but also, my advice is to find something bigger than goals. I’m not focused on specific achievements or milestones, although they are components of my motivation: I do all this shit because I want to BE BETTER. I want to be better than I was yesterday, I never ever want to look back and say i was better then, I ALWAYS want past me to look at me now and go HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I want to blow past me out of the water. And thinking about that, about my future self, about how amazing she’ll be and how much I want to know her - that’s what’s turning my crank here. I am coming for that bitch. 

And re: what I do - I just finished college, I’m 22, and I’m part-timing, temping, freelancing and you fucking name it while I hunt down a full-time job. The position I was offered immediately post graduation didn’t pan out, and ngl, I did have to do some perspective adjustment - suddenly the thing I had worked for and achieved and been depending on fell through - but you know what? That’s not the end of the fucking world. If not this, then the next thing. If not today, then tomorrow. All we can do is the best we can do, and keep trying and keep working and not get discouraged. We fucking got this.