#lets get muffins
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new child fragment emerged but this time we grounded and i think im getting a better picture of what seemingly minor things really traumatised me
#my posts#by seemingly minor of course i mean. the lifetime of being abandoned when in need and nobody ever showing me kindness#im just struggling to understand how i feel about it#boyfriend very rightly pointed out that its probably that im struggling to let myself be honest about how much it hurt me#and when he said that i wanted to cry and tell him everything about how i wish anybody had been kind and anybody had helped me#when i begged them for it. acted out for it. asked for it. just lay there#theres many such traumas#yesterday a specific repressed memory was trying to turn up but its definitely not an isolated event#in fact a few of my parts and several fragments are linked to assorted experiences being failed and ignored and abandoned#the consequence of a self sufficient kid i guess#a lot of my kids are bearing the burden of never being shown love or kindness and they all experience it in different ways#but the root cause is getting clearer. whoda thought it was the Entire Life#i just want to be picked up and held for once and not just left lying there unable to move#its ok. i pick myself up. and boyfriend will too when hes here#lets get muffins
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️
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TAKIISHI CHIKA IN CHAPTER 153
#✧* ꜝ takiishi chika#𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓴𝓲𝓴𝓲#TAKIISHI CHIKA I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU#I WANT TO BITE YOU / EAT YOU / KISS YOU / CONSUME YOU / DEVOUR YOU / CLAIM YOU / DO EVERYTHING TO YOU#SWEETHEART LOVE DARLING HONEY ANGEL SWEETIE BOO DEAREST SUNSHINE CUPCAKE GEM PRECIOUS GORGEOUS BEAUTIFUL BELOVED CHARMING MY EVERYTHING ADO#SOULMATE TREASURE MY LOVE ENCHANTING LOVELY HEARTBEAT ANGEL FACE CUDDLE BUG SWEET PEA SPARK BUTTERCUP FIREFLY DREAMBOAT BUTTERFLY STARSHINE#SWEETS POOKIE SNUGGLE MUFFIN DARLINGHEART STARLIGHT MOONBEAM CUPID SWEETY PIE FLOWER DAZZLE BELOVED ANGEL POOH BEAR SUNKISS HARMONY SWEET C#TAKIISHI CHIKA DON'T MAKE ME GO EVEN MORE INSANE / BOY YOU DRIVE ME TO THE EDGE AND I WILL DIVE IN FULLY LET ME DROWN#I HATE YOU CHIKA I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME OBSESSED WITH YOU I WILL NEVER GET A REAL BF LIKE THAT#PLEASE BE REAL AND LET ME LOVE YOU AND BE YOUR COOL GF I CAN KICK ASS TOO IM SO GOOD AT FIGHTING#I CAN TWIST HANDS I CAN KICK HIGH WE WILL BE SO HOT TOGETHER#i mean we are alr together in my silly little brain#GUYS PLEASE IM NOT WEIRD IF I CANT HAVE A REAL BOY TO OBSESS AND LOVE / I HAVE TO COPE SMH PLEASUE UNDERSTAND THIS#I MEAN MY MAN IS THE BEST ISN'T HE HMM#kichi / takikishi forever#F O R E V E R#MONSTER MY BABY IS A MONSTER#IM IN LOVE WITH A MONSTER#EXPECT SO MANY CHIKA CONTENT AS USUAL#YOUR CHEEKS I WILL EAT THEM AND KISS THEM AND BITE THEM#takiishi#takiishi x reader#takiishi chika
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Chat we might be getting the Main Five OUAW plushies
#anyways this post is sponsored by my friends anonymous donation of a hundred and ten bucks#this wouldnt be possible without you Muffin 🥹#i was originally gonna get kremy and gid but then my friend was like “mmmno no lets get you the other three too”#thats sorta how that discord convo went#BUT YEAH LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO#idk where im gonna out em tho XD#bear rambles#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#im so excited guys you have NO IDEA#i mean id like to have all seven but tbh i can live without twig and chuckles#I know ouaw got popular bc of chuckles and thats what everyone wants#but eh. i like the other five instead :3
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alright chat . it's time for "dissecting the inherent tragedy of transformers: botbots and the relationships in them":
toxic doomed yuri edition ( referring to these two ↑ )
(yes, i made this picmix myself 4 this. i have no regrets. also no tl;dr because you guys NEED to read this)
something i want y'all to understand is that it is Not about the idea that spud wasn't loved. he was VERY much loved by everyone, ESPECIALLY burgertron.
the whole point is that he sabotaged himself in the process of ruining someone else's life, someone who valued him and his word above others. he and burgertron BOTH let their ego get in the way of their personal lives, the only difference is that burgertron at least had the dignity to swallow his pride and apologise when it mattered most.
He gave spud a second chance because he loved him. because he recognised that he does deserve redemption, and above all else, he wants spud to know he cares, even if that means he'll never see him again, or they'll never be friends. (Even in light of the "sidekick" comment, i genuinely don't think he held any inherent malice in that statement. even if burgs was an egotist, he still loved him.)
the worst thing burgertron did in their relationship was be unaware, and im sure that despite his ego, he never meant for spud to get hurt. that's why he went out of his way to protect him, when he couldve just stood there and let spud get put on the back of a truck to never be seen again. it would have been easy.
but he didn't. he did the hard thing. the Right thing. he stood up for someone who never did the same for him.
Spud Was Loved. Spud Is loved. and sometimes love isn't going to look pretty, or manifest in holding hands and cuddling, and it isn't all rainbows and sunshine. it can hurt. it can be letting go of someone who you hurt by accident, who you never meant to harm, but it happened anyways because you made the fatal mistake of being oblivious.
And that's what Burgertron did. he let Spud go, because he understood they both needed time to heal on their own terms. regardless of if he's mad at him or not, he does still harbor positive feelings for him, and he stood up for him during times he probably shouldn't have. If he ACTUALLY hated spud, he wouldn't have stuck his neck out for him at bot prom. or believe spud when he was lying through his teeth in the games.
And that's what makes them so tragic. perhaps in another world, another life, they'd have been Actual good friends, who truly stuck by each other. maybe things would have been different.
But we'll never know that now, will we?
#botbots tag 🏪#tf botbots#botbots#transformers botbots#media analysis#character analysis#picmix#gif warning#burgertron#spud muffin#they make me feel SHRIMP emotions you dobt GET IT#they were DOOMED from the start not of their own volition but because of other people deciding what their roles were going to be#and they obviously coped with that in their own very different ways that clashed with one another!!!!!!#but despite all of that burgertron is still WILLING to pick up the pieces if it means spud is going to be ok#because it's not about his ego or fame anymore. it's about how much he loves his friends even if their dynamic is soured#their breakup was messy and awful and resulted in a lot of pain#but he's not going to let his anger get the best of him: he WANTS spud to get better#he wants HIMSELF to get better#i want season 2 so fucking bad holy shit PLEASE#the themes of loss and growth are so important in this show it has just hit me#FUCKKKKKKK#im gonna be insane about this forever
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CELLBIT IS ROBBING THE GREEN TEAM AND CHARLIE HAS KIDNAPPED AN NPC WE'RE SO BACK
#qsmp#LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO#CELLBIT'S LEAVING A SIGN THAT SAYS “GET MUFFINED 0_0”#LET'S GO BOLAS ROJAS
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god the ants make it so fucking hard to be tolerant. im really, really trying to be better about it and chill out
but they really love to fucking test that
#toy txt post#WHY ARE YOU IN MY BEDROOM. WHY ARE YOU NEXT TO MY BED. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU#THERE HAVE GOT TO BE EASIER PLACES TO GET FOOD#I WISH I COULD TALK TO YOU SO I COULD AT LEAST LET YOU BULLY ME INTO GIVING YOU OFFERINGS OF LIKE COOKIES IN RETURN#FOR STAYING OUT OF MY FUCKING BEDROOM#and i really dont appreciate when my family tries to like weaponize the phobia against me to like shame me for not throwing out an empty#muffin box with crumbs in it as if that somehow attacts ants more than a box full of muffins that they will haphazardly place right in the#fucking Ant Territory as if theyre trying to offer them up. stop keeping unsealed food over there#not that it matters like the ants arent actually fucking stoppable#AUGH. THERES A FUCKING NOTHER ONE. CAN I /HELP YOU/#i should just give up. fuck it. bite me in my fucking sleep i guess. whats the point. stupid fucks cannot be reasoned with#or stopped or swayed or deterred. eat all my food. eat me. make me so itchy. fuck you.#live in the fucking water reservoir of the keurig and become part of my coffee you stupid fuck
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frye 😭😭😭😭
#(the smiths voice) please please please let me let me let meeeeeeee let meee get what i waaaaant this tiiiime#muffin mumbles#splatoon
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i hate people
(rant abt shipping in the tags. dont like dont interact.)
#i think it’s so stupid how ppl get so riled up abt shipping esp in animated shows#like we all have our silly little headcanons abt the silly little people#and if someone disagrees with u then u get all grossed out??#like actually wtf#(context)#i was at school right and i was sitting w some classmates#and somehow we got to the topic of hazbin hotel#which btw none of us should technically be watching? but anyway#it spirals into radioapple of all things#and they get all mad bcz ig all of them hc alastor as aroace?? i think??#anyway so theyre all mad abt it#and then they start getting mad at a whole bunch of other ships#and it’s like it’s getting heated#theyre fuckin gesturing and being loud abt it#and im over here like girl cmon they’re literally animated characters#i dont see why yall care what other ppl think abt them?? like ship and let ship#anyway i walked away and kinda like wanted to throw up for a bit#no hate to them but srsly calm tf down#theyre characters in a fictional setting#theyre literal fictional characters u dont needa get so mad abt them#anyway now i feel like shit#but my mom made chocolate chip banana oat muffins#and they were delicious#so yeag#bye ig ??!!
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what I gotta do: study for latin, bake muffins, work out my oc, do my English homework
Me: I'M DONE WITH PLASTIC PROMISES!! Aggressive dancing on bed w Plastic Promises - Set It Off playing
#:3#procrastination#executive dysfunction#adhd#set it off#Plastic promises#HELP ME I HAVE A LATIN TEST TMRW AND I HAVE TO ACHIEVE AT LEAST A 4 TO GET MYSELF ONTO A 5#WHICH BARELY MEANS PASSING#AND I GOTTA DO ENGLISH#AND I PROMISED MY THEATER GROUP MUFFINS#AND I GOTTA THINK OF TRAUMA TO PUT MY NEWEST OC FOR MY FRIEND THROUGH#AHSMDMEKXMEODMM#THIS IS SENDING ME INTO EXECUTIVE DYSFUNKTION#I'm suffering here :'(#Fuckin adhd doesn't let me conquer my mountain of work.#I hate it.#I'm jus gon drown a monster and work while I'm high on caffeine
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🦉🌴🔮 for the ask game!!
ivy my dearest ivy HELLO!!!! <333
🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?
morning person all the way ( ๑‾̀◡‾́) late nights make me cranky but we'll see how i feel after a semester of 7 AM bio labs omg
🌴 Desert island item?
my answer for this is always scissors, i love scissors and i don't know why we don't bring them to more places??
or alternatively bring along an esp user who can bail you out in five seconds (this is my fav disastrous life of saiki arc LMAO)
🔮 What’s your dream job?
physician assistant moonlighting as a poet / author!! i love medicine and literature, and that's the goal right now <3
#200 event!!#🌿 ivy tag#let's share publishers and get coffee together please#i'm so very serious about this#I NEED TO TRY YOUR MUFFINS!!
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almost at 3k for the day <3 how silly of me <3
#JUST HIT 4K IN THE DRAFT THO LOL#THIS BOOK DID NOT EXIST YESTERDAY HAHAHHAHA#I love genre fiction sm holyyyy#like is this opening kinda slow and boring?? YEAHHH#DO I CARE??? NOOOOO#it's 8pm so like 10k is def not gonna be achieved but I still feel quite motivated!!#alsooo i love reeve so much but she's getting a little self deprecating like sis we get u are upset that ur not with ur bestie#but like it's not ur fault!!! and ur kinda taking it out on darren!!!! who made muffins!!! with cardamom!!!!#the scenario is they are kind of getting sick and tired of each other cuz they've been living isolated in a cabin for 8 months <3#dw i'm gonna soft “kill off” darren & THENNNN the next plot point is between EITHER reeve and lonan running into each other ORRRR#darren running into lonan (because darren doesn't die LOLLL but REEVE DOESN'T KNOW THAT)#the darren/lonan thing makes the most sense for Reasons but like SIBLINGSSSS#the Reasons being that I THINKKKK darren when he “dies” is gonna use his time to see if he can find humilitas again#cuz his ~~~Magic lets him do that BUT I THINK he'll run into Lonan instead LOOOL#because Lonan IS humilitas like JUMPSCAREEE
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a card for my dentist that says "sorry for the tooth decay"
#I'm having a wisdom tooth removed brb#you know what. i don't think dentists get enough thanks. thank you for not letting my mouth bones rot#look a talking muffin
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Made another phone background from the new chapter, except this time it’s a series of Sigma’s reactions to the constant bullshit happening around him
Stay strong king, you’ll get outta this alive. I’ll save you myself if I have to
#Sigma was me back in high school trying to make sense of Chem 30 math#pure confusion and terror#poor man gets spooked too easy#please Dazai#let him rest after you escape prison#buy him a chocolate muffin#he deserves it#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bsd manga spoilers#sigma bsd
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*leaves a comment on every single chapter of a fic as I read it* *author replies to every single comment with increasing giddiness and excitement*
This is good. I’m getting a good grade in fic reader. This is both something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.
#ra speaks#personal#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#I’m not going to lie: then replying incentivizes me to keep commenting#and like I get it Big Fics make it unrealistic for an author to reply to every comment#but boy that email gives me the same dopamine rush as the emails abt ppl leaving comments on MY fics#who gives a shit of ‘oh but I don’t want to inflate my comment count - ‘ shut up and let me kiss you. with tongue.#or bake you your favorite kind of muffin if it’s best we keep this professional/platonic#in other news: o7 survived my first day as a TA. I have class in a few hours for my data science course and it probably won’t kill me.#probably.
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I think TMM is becoming my go to baking music
#legit every time I go to make something it’s the first music I play#this time I made it practically the entire album before actually putting the muffins in the oven#which is surprising#I usually get around halfway through#I made chocolate chip muffins today btw#let’s hope they’re good
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