#let my clown circus begin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

Note

Is there any chance we could have a round up of the Circus? I am so lost on how the dominoes fell over the last 40 days

Okay this is not comprehensive, because (a) my husband the politics nerd is currently on his way to a gig in west Wales somewhere and so cannot chime in and also (b) all our political journalist friends are understandably quite busy right now doing political journaling, but I seem to have an influx of new followers who are also very confused and don't understand what's going on, so I shall try.

Alright so what we're seeing here is the Second Clownfall of 2022, the hotly anticipated sequel to the Adventures of Big Dog the Clown. However it revolves around the character of Liz Truss, and will use some terminology, so

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

...okay I think that's everything. On with the show!

The Premiership of Liz Truss (2022-2022)

Week One

We begin our tale on September 5th, 2022. Coincidentally, that was also the date that I personally started my new job. Let's see which of us does better!

The Daily Mail is delighted, and runs a headline proclaiming "Cometh the hour, cometh the woman". Tory rag in a frock coat the Financial Times runs an op-ed:

So the results ARE IN! She will definitely fuck us up! But that's a good thing for vague reasons! Blitz spirit everyone. Tally ho, pip pip, shoot a servant and have sex with a wall, hey what. Good old Blighty.

(That's my best impression of Tories I'm good at their accents I hope you like it)

Truss does an interview with Laura Kuenssberg, and fellow guest and comedian Joe Lycett wildly and effusively applauds her every word. Even Liz realises no one would sincerely applaud her. Bafflingly, the entire right wing press and every member of the Tory party freak out about this, because they don't understand the function of a satirist and don't know how to defend against it. It is extremely funny. Joe Lycett announces he's a right-wing comedian now, and begins a new extended career bit effusively and sarcastically praising right wing politicians. They all cry extensively and call him mean.

SO, it's been a long hard leadership campaign! But she made it. For years, Tories have been blighted by the curse of the PM/Chancellor relationship, backstabbing and cheating and lying about each other to try and get power. But not our Liz, oh no; her Chancellor is Maths Mate and BFF Kwasi Kwarteng, an insipid and poisonous gnome known for three (3) things:

He once wrote a stupid book with Liz Truss about his stupid opinions on how he thinks economics work and everyone laughed at him and stuffed him in a locker

On the night of the Brexit vote he was overheard by a journalist gleefully saying “Who cares if sterling crashes? It will come back up again“ which are of course the words of a man who knows all about economics and how they work

This fucking bullshit back in July:

But hey IT'S OKAY! Everything is fine! Because Liz and Kwasi are BFFs who certainly never had an affair and are marching in lockstep and have each other's backs and both love maths more than their own children if they had any! Maths Friends!

Multiple resignations immediately follow.

Among them is Ben Elliot, the Tory Party chair, which is a pretty big deal from a man who just lived through the Johnson years; also, shockingly, Priti Patel, the deportation-happy Home Secretary, decides that even as an animatronic goblin she cannot support this nonsense.

It's not a resignation per se, but at ten to seven in the evening it's announced that Andrew Bridgen, the Troy MP for Leicestershire North West, has been evicted from his home and ordered to pay £800,000 in legal costs, and a possible £244,000 in rent arrears. Also described as "dishonest" by a judge.

This is not directly relevant to Liz Truss but look, it was a staggeringly weird day and this was basically the topper.

Anyway.

Liz goes to the Palace and is duly sworn in by the Queen, who promptly keels over and dies the very next day. Parliament is instantly shut down for mandatory mourning. As omens go, this one was not subtle.

This triggers the circulation of some very awkward footage of Young Truss talking about how she thinks the Monarchy should be abolished for being a gross relic of horrifying social stratification. However you must understand that it's not awkward because anyone thinks she murdered the Queen. It's because Liz Truss's attempts at public speaking are like sitting through a children's Christmas play when you're the only person in the audience and they can all see your face so you have to look encouraging for four hours when inside you are shrivelling into something approximating an apricot pit travelling to the core of Jupiter.

Take a look at her acceptance speech and wither.

Anyway we're now several MPs and a queen down so she's got to get on replacing those so she can focus on her real love: the much-anticipated mini-budget that she is preparing with Kwasi to save the UK from the harrowing quagmire of crippling poverty that Big Dog managed to drive us into (all while pretending it wasn't Big Dog who did it.)

Fortunately, she does not need to replace the queen! Monarchies take care of themselves, which many people would argue is very much the problem, of course. They had a proper reunion with Meghan From Suits and Meghan From Suits' husband, both of whom were banned from visiting Balmoral, and also the Nonce flew in, who was allowed to visit Balmoral. Such heartwarming scenes.

But the Cabinet, that's another matter. That's something Liz DOES have to do, and it's important she gets it right, Tumblrs, because you see, every time a Cabinet minister is replaced it's expensive and a hassle and it weakens a government by making them look all crumbly, like a packet of biscuits that's been rammed against a wall and now someone is opening it and everyone is bracing for Crumbs.

So, step forward to the Cabinet soulless ghoul Suella Braverman, the new Home Secretary. She immediately distinguishes herself by trying to legalise torture.

And then, naturally,

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TICK TOCK TERF O'CLOCK also FUCK the sovereignty of the Scottish Parliament amirite ladies lol Girl Power uwu

Not that she can actually do anything at this point, of course. As I say: Enforced Mourning is in process, which means Parliament is shut down for ten days. No work, no speeches, no appearances, no announcements, just taxpayer's money going on legal fees to see if she can interfere with another nation's elected government in order to strip away the human rights of queer people.

However, while we all weep over the corpse of Queen Lizzie Two and beat our breasts in grief, the already-beleaguered pound is slowly bleeding out through this inaction. And this, to the Maths Mates, is unacceptable.

Two things get quietly slid into the news cycle.

Thing the First:

BIG YIKES LADS

Thing the Second:

Fracking ban in England lifted in bid to boost UK gas supply - BBC News

For those who don't know, fracking is an energy extraction process. Water, gas and dust are pumped at high pressure into shale bedrock to crack it open, releasing pockets of natural gas that can then be harvested for fuel. It's environmentally disastrous for multiple reasons, both direct (earthquakes, groundwater pollution, social impacts) and indirect (IT'S STILL A FOSSIL FUEL YOU STUPID CUNTS ARE YOUR SKULLS FUCKING EMPTY). The Welsh and Scottish governments have both banned it outright, a straight-up "Foot down no, petal". England, though, is the Tory paradise, so the ban was less complete.

However, this is still a Huge Deal - the 2019 Tory manifesto was very clear that fracking would only be unbanned IF "the science shows categorically that it can be done safely". In fact, most Tories don't like it either. Their constituents REALLY don't. Also in March Kwasi Kwarteng literally went on record and said it wouldn't lower European gas prices anyway; but not anymore! Now he thinks it's a zippy idea. Just spiffing. Top hole, pip pip (I'm so good at their accents :))

Scientists who have been studying the environmental impacts of fracking produce their report -

And it is quietly buried, so as not to offend the corpse of Lizzie Two.

Here ends the first four days of the Reign of Liz Truss.

Second Week

Anyway, royalists have gone insane and started a REALLY BIG queue to see a box that supposedly contains the rotting cadaver of the old queen. Multiple people have to be hospitalised because they join the Queue and don't take food, water, warm clothes, or essential daily medications with them, even though the Queue is literally days long. Some die. Many take the ashes of their own loved ones so they can wave them at the box for the thirty seconds they get to be in front of it, like a sort of play date for ashes.

Prince Charles, now King Prince Charles, starts swanning about as King, demanding everyone be sad for him and clap him to cheer him up. Someone holds up a sign saying 'Not my King' and gets arrested. This triggers a whole wave of protests and arrests as free speech slides out the window, until the Met Police chief has to step in and explain to the police like they're five-year-olds that they can't do that, actually, and need to cut that shit out.

But we can't wholly blame the police, because the main pressure to clamp down on protestors actually came from...

The government.

Meanwhile the country goes bat shit fucking insane. In order not to offend the fragile sensibilities of royalists, now so brittle they need to be treated with the same delicate touch normally reserved for unstable nitroglycerin, the UK sees supermarkets lowering the volume of self-serve checkout desks, people's funerals cancelled, vital operations and other medical interventions postponed, Centre Parcs cancelling holidays, FOOD BANKS CLOSING, Nintendo Direct cancelling its live stream in Britain (but not cancelling the release of the recording onto You Tube an hour later because as we all know Queen Elizabeth II was a MASSIVE livestream fan and would have been DEVASTATED to miss it but she was very 'meh' about YouTube), cycle racks being closed, and this unhinged shrieking harridan:

Very normal, lads. Very normal.

Oh and also they cancelled Owain Glyndwr Day so as a Welsh person I am now legally allowed to forcibly ram a daffodil into the urethras of the landed English gentry.

However, the protests grow as the suppression wanes. By the time King Prince Charles comes to Wales, he is met with silent protests, this guy who learned a sentence in Welsh specially for the occasion, and a petition to abolish the Prince of Wales title.

Except government is still shut down, so the petitions are all suspended.

But not to worry! That gives the Maths Mates more time to work on their special mini-budget.

Week Three

More of the same at first, really, but she finally addresses the nation to announce that the Queen was the "rock" on which "modern Britain was built".

Also someone finally spots that the necklace she always wears is a day collar, so that was fun.

BUT THEN

The moment we have all been waiting for, with baited breath.

On the 23rd September, 2022, the mini-budget finally arrives. The golden egg of Kwasi and Liz, their beloved, beautiful child, the crowning glory, the culmination of their economic beliefs and values. They are so proud of it, so sure of it, that they do not even submit it for the approval of the Office for Budget Responsibility. Why should they? This is the moment Kwarteng can finally show the world that he was right; that this is the way to do economics after all; that he alone in his brilliance and genius has reinvented the field and will lead the country to a new era of riches and prosperity.

And the pound does this:

Yikes.

Truss goes into hiding for a day and a half, during which time her aids claim all her relatives have died so she won't have to speak to the press, which is obviously a simply fantastic quality in a Prime Minister. Finally, she resurfaces by doing a series of radio interviews for regional stations around the UK, hoping they'll be easier on her, starting with Radio Leeds. The good journalists of Yorkshire eviscerate her and strew her corpse through Adel Woods. It's downhill from there.

Week Four

One poll puts Labour 33 points ahead of the Tories.

It can be a little difficult to translate polls, because the electoral system is complex, so I asked my journalist friends. They cheerfully informed me that, if translated into a General Election, the Tories would have just 3 seats left.

Except! Of course, naturally, that is me reporting naught but the most extreme result, Tumblrs, dancing upon the bones of my enemies as I chant the rites to make the Tory party die faster. If I were to be fair about this - and I am, of course, a journalist of Integrity and Morals - I would actually give the average poll result. And I am wise and fair to all, ancient rites aside, so I shall.

The average poll result is still 19 points ahead.

Tony Blair's landslide Labour victory in 1999 was 12 points.

Rounding off the day, Labour declare that they are backing a change to a proportional representation voting system in place of the UK’s archaic first past the post system. Funny that.

Anyway, that mini-budget is going poorly. Realising unlimited borrowing rather than tax cuts for the rich is maybe Bad Actually, the Maths Mates decide to get the money for their bail-outs some other way. Can you guess, Tumblrs? Can you guess where they decide to get the money from?

Naturally.

Week Five

In a fascinating little twist, the papers claim Liz banned King Prince Charles from going to the Climate Summit in Egypt. This is interesting for about a billion reasons, not least of which is that the papers seem very angry about this and yet also that it's an unsubstantiated rumour - the phrase "it's understood that _" gets a hell of a workout.

She then does not go herself. Makes sense. They'll probably be mean to her about the fracking.

She then loses the support of the Daily Mail, a paper that five weeks before were ecstatic about her rise to power :( so sad. But why? What made them change their minds?

Well. What else from Truss, but a massive and catastrophic u-turn on the economy?

And she does! The absolute nutter!

Plans to cut the 45p tax rate for those earning upwards of £150,000 were abandoned, as were:

abolishing the planned rise in corporation tax

cutting the basic rate of income tax

the two-year energy bill support plan

scrapping the planned dividend tax hike

VAT-free shopping for international tourists

freezing alcohol duty

easing of IR25 rules for the self-employed

ALL GONE! All gone. The mini-budget is not working so lol jk we'll think of something else, that's how government works, right? The pound promptly implodes further. Of all people, Nadine Dorries is the one to criticise

WE ARE IN A TOPSY TURVEY UPSIDE DOWN WORLD

The Daily Mail still finds a way to say it's all Michael Gove's fault, though.

Anyway, the 5th October dawns bright and beautiful and YouGov polls rural voters:

THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUGE, because farmers just will not fucking stop voting Tory, AND YET. Wowsers. Not just popularity. Voting intention. She might as well have personally infected every farm in the South Downs with foot and mouth disease.

Truss realises her popularity is plummeting and she needs a new audience. She tries to appear down with the kids and declares that she's the only PM to have gone to a comprehensive school.

This is not true. Gordon Brown and Theresa May both did. However, it's certainly true that all three of them became PM by ousting a sitting PM, so there's that I guess.

Week Six

At this point I can start putting in PRECISE DATEs just call ME Robert Peston.

13th October

News reporters start speculating that she'll be done by the end of the month as the first rumoured letter of no confidence reaches us. People realise that her competition for shortest serving PM was a guy who died in office of TB at about the four month mark RIP king sorry about your lungs.

(A reminder - normally, if MPs want to oust a party leader, they must send in 54 letters of no confidence. This makes the 1922 Committee - a bunch of back benchers who preside over this shit - hold a vote of no confidence. A leader who loses gives way - this is very rare. A leader who wins is then immune to another such vote for 12 months, but they almost always crumble within a month or two anyway - this is much more common.)

This is extremely funny, because a newly-elected leader of the party has a 12 month immunity to votes of no confidence, same as people who've won such a vote. Likes charge reblogs cast apparently. MPs are getting desperate.

Pressure mounts. Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announces that he is "Not going anywhere."

14th October

Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng is sacked and blamed for the entire economic mess.

Incredibly, Liz does this without first planning a replacement, so it's several hours before Jeremy Cunt suddenly reappears like the spectre at the fucking feast.

Meanwhile here's Ed Milliband on Twitter

Seven and a half years he waited to retweet that. Seven and a half long years, look, to have the last laugh.

In the end, he still went too soon.

15th October

Deputy PM and also Health Minister Therese Coffey (side note - have they always doubled up in roles like that? Or are there just not enough of them anymore?) announces that she loves antibiotic resistance and dead kids and also breaking laws:

16th October

The Sunday Times calls for Extremely Corrupt Former Grand Vizier Rishi Sunak to take over, and then a General Election so that Labour can take the reins.

The SUNDAY TIMES

Calling for LABOUR

The Sunday Mail tries to stir up support for Ben Wallace taking over, because no one has heard of Ben Wallace so he needs the boost, but then accidentally publish their front page with a different man

In another YouGov poll for the Times, not a single political group, age group, area of the country, gender, or other demographic said that Liz Truss was the right choice for PM

This is the new predicted election graph:

Yikes

17th October

The projected election results are a Labour victory so complete the opposition would be the SNP. Legend suggests Nicola Sturgeon's cackle on finding out was so powerful she accidentally resurrected a witchfinder.

18th October

Meanwhile in the Senedd, Welsh Tory leader Andrew RT Davies, a sort of humanoid boil dressed in ham, tries to accuse placid and gentle First Minister for Wales Mark Drakeford's Labour of being responsible for long ambulance waiting times.

T'was a mistake.

youtube

19th October

Oh boy.

Well, first of all, Suella Braverman sends an official email from her private email address, and then promptly leaves the Cabinet at cannonball speeds as though she's seen a brown child about to be given citizenship. Was she quietly fired by Jeremy Cunt? Did she do it deliberately to resign? On her way out, she blames the true source of our problems - the Guardian-reading, tofu-eating Wokerati.

Nigella Lawson spends the day tweeting tofu recipes.

Meanwhile, Graham Brady, the Chair of the 1922 Committee, comes to Liz Truss to inform her that he has in fact now received 54 letters of no confidence. Normally, of course, that would be considered enough to trigger a vote in her leadership; but not now.

However, these are unprecedented times. So he changes the threshold - if half of the Tories send him letters, her immunity will be revoked.

But the thing is, Tumblrs, the thing is...

It is all about to kick off in the most spectacular and catastrophic fireworks since Guy Fawkes had a dream.

Because Ed Milliband, once accused of leading the country to chaos and now riding high on the joy of his well-timed Twitter jab of Some Days Ago, wakes this morning and chooses violence.

He has spotted, of course, that no one likes fracking; even the Tories are against it.

He has also spotted that Liz Truss is very stupid.

So he goes into the House of Commons, and he digs a big pit and covers it over with twigs and leaves so it can't be seen, and he bakes a big cake and he places it in the middle of the twigs, and he sets up a net to fall as well and a big stick of ACME dynamite, and he hammers in little signs everywhere saying CAUTION - TRAP, by which I am of course being metaphorical because what he actually does is table a motion to extend the moratorium on fracking. The signs aren't necessary, really. This trap is easy to avoid.

All Liz Truss has to do, you see, is not use a three-line whip on this vote.

The three-line whip, as you'll all recall, is the highest level of coercion. MPs cannot defy a three-line whip. MPs cannot even abstain on a three-line whip. MPs have two choices on a three-line whip: to vote as they're told, or to be removed from the party. You obey or resign. That's all.

For this reason, it's sometimes called a 'confidence vote', as it is effectively a stand-in for one. The vote is not about the issue at hand - this is now a vote of confidence in your leader.

(He's also laid lesser traps. Years back when fracking was first being heavily discussed, Ed was Labour leader and one of the main figures in those discussions. During today, before it all Kicks The Fuck Off, a Tory stands and challenges him on previous statements about fracking, trying to accuse him of hypocrisy.

He was fucking ready for it.)

Graham Brady pops his head back around the door. He's changed his mind - a third of the party is all that's needed now to trigger a vote of no confidence in Liz Truss. And legend says he's only 17 off.

This is presumably the reason for what comes next.

Liz panics. Liz sees she's desperately unpopular. Liz sees that she has to do something to shore up support; and she sees that her important fracking rule, which her party hates her for, is now being challenged by a former Labour leader, and if he wins (which he will) she'll lose all credibility and maybe they'll take her nice office away and tell her she was a Bad Girl.

And so, with the inevitability of gravity on the now-leaden pound sterling, she makes it a three-line whip, and a confidence vote in her government.

INSTANT CHAOS.

There is uproar! There is rage! There is blinding fury! Tory MPs are standing up in the Commons and snarling and pissing and moaning! No one likes fracking except Jacob Rees Mogg! For TWO HOURS they shriek and scream and gnash their teeth, yelling at Liz Truss, demanding to know why this is happening.

(Legend has it chaos-deity Ed Milliband simply leaned back, put his feet up on the chair in front, and made Christian Wakeford hand-feed him grapes and fan him with a palm leaf, but this is unsubstantiated.)

And then, at 6.55, FIVE MINUTES before voting is ready to begin, the Tory Minister for Climate Graham Stewart stands up and declares that everyone should vote how they want because it's not a confidence vote.

Did I say there was chaos before?

Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, in fact.

Now Tories leap to their feet and basically all scream one long, unending breath of WHAT-DO-YOU-MEAN-IT'S-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IS-HAPPENING-IS-IT-OR-IS-IT-NOT-A-CONFIDENCE-VOTE and so Stewart gets up again and says, right to everyone's faces, "It's not for me to say whether it's a confidence vote or not," which is an even faster and more spectacular u-turn than Truss herself could pull off given that he literally just said it wasn't and did so while being a minister.

And then the voting starts. MPs are now milling about like chickens who've sighted the hawk, clamouring to know if they're going to lose their jobs unless they vote for Satan. The Whips - specifically Chief Whip Wendy Morton and Deputy Chief Whip Craig Whittaker - descend upon them like fucking wargs on the hunt. They don't just spit vitriol and blackmail into MPs ears. They fucking bodily drag people into the right voting lobby. MPs are legitimately screaming. Grown men are crying literal tears. Labour's Chris Bryant reports holding multiple Tory MPs as they sob into his shoulder. Multiple MPs report similar scenes.

And Tories still don't know if this is even a damn confidence vote, or if they should just knock the Chief Whip's teeth out.

And then the Whips, filled with bloodlust and frenzy, suddenly realise that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO US, YOU'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO US SO WE FEEL POWERFUL -

Cue sudden meeting in a locked room with Liz Truss. For over HALF AN HOUR.

So is it a confidence vote? No one is sure. Deputy PM Therese Coffey thinks so, so in the absence of the Whips she decides physical assault is her job now and is seen by David Linden MP (SNP) physically carrying someone into the voting lobby. Jacob Rees Mogg thinks not and starts yelling "It's not a confidence vote!", to which his colleagues reply, "Fuck off." Meanwhile the Whips have possibly resigned, no one is sure. It is still uncertain if this was a confidence vote.

And Ed Milliband basks in the chaos, playing the fiddle while it all burns around him.

Finally, voting concludes. The Whips reappear to lurk.

The votes are in - the government wins, and fracking will go ahead. But.

32 MPs abstained.

And one of those is Liz Truss.

Which is WILD??!? What possible benefit could she get from that??? No one knows. Everything is uproar again. Guess who else abstained? Well, riveted reader, here's a list with important names highlighted:

Nigel Adams, Gareth Bacon, Siobhan Baillie, Greg Clark, Sir Geoffrey Cox, Tracey Crouch, David Davis, Dame Caroline Dinenage, Nadine Dorries, Philip Dunne, Mark Fletcher, Vicky Ford, Paul Holmes, Alister Jack, Boris Johnson, Gillian Keegan, Kwasi Kwarteng, Robert Largan, Pauline Latham, Mark Logan, Theresa May, Priti Patel, Mark Pawsey, Angela Richardson, Andrew Rosindell, Bob Seely, Alok Sharma, Chris Skidmore, Henry Smith, Ben Wallace, Sir John Whittingdale, and William Wragg.

Kwasi still smarting about that p45, I see.

In any case it then turns out that Liz DID vote, but incompetently, because her voting card didn't read properly, which is actually fair given that she was being screamed at by angry Whips waving Graham Stewart's severed dick and balls around while they demanded power and authority. While she's clearing that up, the press are understandably waiting open-mouthed for comment, but don't worry Liz! Your old pal Jacob Rees Mogg is here to fill in for you!

And thus it is that JRM willingly chooses to go on the live news and calmly confirm to the nation that no one knows if it was a confidence vote or not.

Chaos. Chaos again. Unbridled chaos. The Whips are furious. Everyone is furious. The rebels are now in limbo, unsure if they're now out of a job. Tories are weeping, trying to work out if Rees Mogg WANTS to sink the party. Back bencher Charles Walker MP delivers a frank interview to the press absolutely SHIVERING with rage, like the drummer in a Fleetwood Mac concert. Ex-Lib Dem leader Tim Farron, a bland man known only for the time he himself willingly chose to go on the news and calmly explain that he's a homophobe without provocation, tweets that Liz Truss is a Lib Dem sleeper agent they sent in to destroy the Tories, sparking what is likely to be a whole slew of conspiracy theories by next week. No one knows what is going on. They all decide to sleep on it.

The good folks at Wikipedia ultimately decide to make three separate pages for the UK 2022 government crisis, and to label them with the month "to leave room for another by the end of the year."

Ed Milliband skips all the way home, and treats himself to a bacon sandwich.

20th October

Okay, Liz thinks, the morning after. Okay. Last night was bad. But today will be better.

So first... the vote.

Because there's bad news for Tories who like money and good news for people who like liveable planets - there are problems with the vote. For one, the vote counts are being called into question. Are the results reliable?

For another, the Speaker of the House of Commons calls for an investigation into the reports of, um, assault. So will the result stand?

It's so unclear! And so is that ongoing issue of whether or not the damn thing was a confidence vote. Angry whips say YES, JRM says NO, Downing Street refuses to pick up the phone to the BBC, but does send ITV's Robert Peston a text at 1am to say it was definitely a confidence vote and, unrelatedly, the Whips aren't resigning :)

I think we have found the price paid to keep the Whips.

Meanwhile. Let's see what this has done for Liz's leadership stability!

13 letters of no confidence are confirmed submitted by Sky, 5 of which came in overnight. The 1922 Committee reconvenes the coven to discuss matters. Simultaneously, the One Nation Conservatives reconvene their coven to discuss the same. Presumably there is much "Girl what are YOU doing at the Devil's Sacrament?"-ing and "Same cloak, how embarrassing"-ing. MPs are CLAMOURING for her head. It is VICIOUS. It's like cartoon piranhas in a supervillain's lair; which is highly appropriate, because that's exactly what Tory MPs are.

Graham Brady, head jester of the 1922 Committee, demands to see Liz Truss.

He walks into a room with her, and the doors are closed. Half an hour later, he walks back out of the room.

Ten minutes later, she calls a press conference.

45 days after being appointed, Liz Truss breaks the record, and becomes the shortest-serving British Prime Minister.

#politik #the second clownfall of 2022

2K notes · View notes

writingoddess1125 · 11 months

Note

I’m now imagining Bee and Dee are the exploding distraction from Ali and Ari who steal everything in sight 🤭

Circus of Trouble

Support on Ko-Fi

Check out Old Men Series <<<

• Buggy felt truly blessed- A famed pirate, a loyal crew,He had a beautiful partner, two healthy boys and now two healthy girls. What more can a man ask for!?

• The famed clown pirate was overjoyed to have his daughters, he'd always had wanted daughters and he finally got them.

• He had painted the nursery on the ship, decorated it fully in pastel circus themed and had custom cribs for each girl. {He also got the twins their own room and decorated it with them, He let's them share a room since they prefer it anyway but have custom separate beds}

• Spoils them rotten- Absolutely rotten from the very beginning

• You can already tell from a early age that the girls have more of Buggys personality then most would expect-

• Ari was the embodiment of Buggy's egotistical ways- She was loud, bossy and had his temper. While most of the time she was a sweet girl who loved to make those around her happy if you told her no-

Better prepared-

• Ali was his more Quiet side- A manipulative petty backbone that was quiet but prepared to strike. She was a adorable girl, shy beyond all belief and clung to her brothers and dad- However piss her off she knew how to use other people.

• However both twins had two things in common-

• One was a infinity for shiny things and stealing...

• And second was stealing..

• The discovery of this was then the twins were just 5 months old- their eyes focusing in anything that was shiny and immediately bolt for it- taking whatever it was and either chewing on it or stashing it away.

• In short anything was a fair game for the Twins.

• "I'm missing my medallion-" Buggy huffed as he searched His cabin room he shared with you. You also looking around "I can't find my earring-"

• You two look at each other blankly before going to the nursery on the ship- already knowing only two people could have stolen from you.

• Quickly you both find Ali chewing the medallion and Ari clenching several shiny things in an iron grip-

• "Sorry Cherry's but you can't have these" Buggy starts, Kneeling down to take them. Immediately being met with resistance by both girls-

• You look at Buggy amused as he kept an eye closed at to try and tune out Ari screaming bloody murder on his left side while Ali pouted and tears silently ran down her cheeks in his right.

• "Can't wait for those teenager years huh?" You mused and Buggy gave you a glare at daring to mention that-

• He wants them to stay his baby forever..

Bonus Story!-

• Buggy had done his best to keep his family away from his work- Especially when he joined the Cross Guild and accidently became their leaders.

• No one besides his crew who were all quiet about his family knew- not wanting to put you or the kids in danger.

• However it seemed some thing just didn't work out for Buggy-

• Both girls had gotten a cold when a important meeting with Crocodile and Mihaek was taking place-

• You had a cold as well worse then the girls so you were at the hospital and couldn't watch the girls- The twins who were 14 did try their best but 14 year Olds watching 2 year Olds didn't exactly mix.

• He couldn't have Cabaji watch the girls since he was watching the Twins and Alvida wasn't exactly a baby person- Mohji was out on a mission with Galbido

• Aka. He was fucked-

• So he had to improvise! With both girls in a stroller he snuck into his own building and quickly went up to the conference rooms

• So he got to the meeting room early and found a side room that connected to a secondary conference room-

Perfect.

• He set up the stroller so it was more comfortable for the girls and gave them their sappy cups of water and a timer for their medicine which they couldn't have yet. Changing their diapers he put them to bed. Rushing out of the side room to the Main conference room right ad Mihawk appeared-

• It didn't take long for the meeting aka bullying to start- Buggy of course doing his normal yelling antics, However every 10 minutes or so would stop whatever he was doing and drifting to the side room.

• At first it was ignored till the third time- "Buggy what are you doing?" Mihawk questioned. Buggy glaring at him- "NOTHING!"

• Annoyed at this point Crocodile stood and marched to the side room to see- Buggy screaming in surprise.

• "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING STAY AWAY FROM-" Crocodile cut off Buggys head and tossed it across the room before slamming open the door and seeing.. a stroller

• Both former Warlords looking surprised at the sight. Two toddlers bundled up well clearly with some form of sickness and a cool rag on their foreheads- The red noses cluing them both immediately.

• "Their mother has a too so I'm watching them.." He hissed angrily as he floated his head back to his body, clearly defensive of his children being found out.

• "I'm just surprised you have children at all- or that someone would sleep with you" Crocodile jest and Buggy glared at him as he picks up Ari who was starting to fuss and checks her forehead. Feeling her fever had indeed gone down.

• "I actually have 4 kids with the same women" He grumbled setting her back down with a sigh.

• For the first time the two other men actually felt some level of respect for Buggy- With all his flaws he seemed like a good dad.

• This ends with Mihawk holding Ali and Crocodile holding Ari while Buggy portioned out the children's cold medicine and talking over paperwork.

#x reader #one peice x reader #one piece #one peice live action #buggy one piece #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #dad buggy #dad!buggy

296 notes · View notes

another-day · 18 days

Text

time for another lovely EPISODE IN REVIEW!!! and boy, do we have a lot to discuss for this one

!!!SPOILERS FOR II EPISODE 16!!!

oh my gosh

that episode was insane, i’m still reeling from it, but let’s start from the beginning

i remember seeing a post somewhere where someone was saying 3gs would most likely have a very ‘army general’ type personality, and i think that still holds, just not to the degree i intially thought

he’s someone who focuses on motivation and praise to not only please but get people to follow through. this is not in the way of manipulation, just in order to get what needs to be done, done. expanding on his personality like this was so interesting, especially interspersing his moments of fear with his moments of joy because he hadn’t seen other people in years. it really goes to show how cobs can negatively affect other characters than mephone 4.

trophy has really grown as a character in the sense that he can now see the fundamental flaws in the persona of knife, though i do feel he’s still heavily guided in this by his own values. he has this firm belief that knife is similar if not the exact same as him; angry and violent. he breaks down all of the cracks in knife’s facade, but incorrectly so, which was interesting.

alongside this, knife is shown to still be perceived incorrectly to how wishes to be by many of the contestants. considering he’s trying to make such an effort to change and become a good person only for trophy to treat him like this is clearly dishesrtening to him. as much as he likes to build up his whole tough guy persona, in this episode and the last, we’ve seen that the words of others, especially those he considers allies, can really affect him. granted, trophy is no ally of his, but it still has an impact on him to be so shamelessly called out, even if a lot of it is assumption.

i love that they make everyone’s attempts to comfort suitcase feel so condescending in order to emphasise her confusion and disarray in terms of the situation. this feels like a circus, where suitcase is realising she’s a clown for being fooled. i love her reaction to realising nickel and balloon are friends because she has that underlying anger, yes, but more than anything else she’s confused and upset. soooo cool.

i nearly screamed but it was two in the morning when i was watching this so i did not.

but oh my gosh, the idea of “deleting” a character is horrifying. as taco put it, seeing “the life drain out of him” must’ve been horrifying for her. this, oj’s, and nickel’s deletion are only amped up by this prospect of having people around to see the life drain out of someone they were once friends with.

also why did it have to be pickle. literally what did he do.

also also, now we know what happened to toilet i guess.

forshadowing cobs being able to see wherever they go, alongside how everything of theirs in under control, even if not by cobs.

cobs is meant to parallel mephone 4 in this scene. his advertisment is very “brainwash”-y, and it emphasises what a hold he used to have on people and the control he once held through his creations. similarly so, through the reveal at the end, WHICH I’LL GET TO, we see that mephone similarly has control over all of the contestants, whether direct or otherwise. so very peculiar really.

depicting the death scenes like this was brilliant. a persuing entity, sounded by alarms that only the person who is to be killed can hear is a horrifying concept, and something so horrifying from an outsider perspective.

imagine this from paper’s perspective: you’re arguing with your best friend about the amount of tasks you’ve been given for so little credit, and you finally admit everything that’s been bothering you. instead of the reassurance you usually receive, your friend stands there in shock before asking “do you hear that?” you hear nothing. the fear on his face grows and he backs against the door, crying for something you can’t see to ‘stop’. you’re confused, but before you can question it, he’s dead, spilled. any semblance of life in him as disappeared, and everyone is terrified.

this was so masterfully executed all the times it happened; taco’s incoherency when she was found with pickle, the hotel’s reaction when oj spills, and baseball’s silence and shock as he re-enters after nickel’s death. it sets up a tone of horror, and shows just how unaware everyone truly is. soooooo very cool.

it was so cool seeing the purgatory crew again because i really missed these goofy guys. but it really gets you thinking about what role they’re going to play.

unlike bow, all of the “deleted” contestants have had their melife icons completely removed, so that begs the question; will they be turned into ghosts at purgatory mansion? bow states in the episode that it took her a while to appear in the mansion, so it gets you thinking if deletion counts as a perma-death, and those killed will be turned to ghosts.

knife’s very impersonal handling of this situation versus suitcase’s gentle assurance and questioning really brings out the difference between these two.

this scene is meant to make knife seem foolish for wanting to rush by all this, but that’s not what knife intends to look like, again bringing back this idea of misunderstanding his actions. knife doesn’t like focusing on what’s around him when he’s been given a clear objective, getting information to find cobs in this case. alongside this, he doesn’t have the same understanding of what 3gs has been through as suitcase, yet he tries, to a degree, to understand this individual. when knife isn’t given the information he needs, he looks for his own means of finding it, and moves ahead.

suitcase on the other hand is shown to want to take it slower. unlike knife, she’s more invested in the story than the lesson or outcome. this is something normally detrimental to someone in a finale, but due to their working together, knife doesn’t really get too far ahead of her. she wants to understand motivations for actions so that she can figure out how to respond, whereas knife just wants to, for lack of a better phrase, cut to the the chase. very interesting.

now, the titular reveal of the episode, “the reality of the situation”, if you will.

despite how of guard i was caught, this makes perfect sense.

though i don’t really like season three, cabby has a scene where she freaks out when questioned about her parents. i initially thought this had something to do with her memory issues, but this explanation makes much more sense. bot knew about theur parents because their parents actually exist, cabby’s did not.

no character ever talks about their past, nor their parents, nor their motivation to join the show. it all quite literally starts from the first episode, and picks up from there. that is why mephone can regenerate them. that is why when mephone dies they can’t be regenerated, because as their creator, he was the only one capable of REcreating them. its an incredible reveal, and a very well working one.

all in all, this episode was phenomenal. the chracter work and development and storyline were all so well done and i totally adore it. episode 15 was very character focused and took a step away from the plot. this episode on the other hand took the plot and bolted with it, scattering all slrts of bombshells on the way.

i love this episode because it shows unity and disharmony and everything really feels like its coming together and i’m so excited for the next episode.

till next time lovelies!!!

#inanimate insanity #ii ep 16 #ii episode 16 #i don’t really like using the ii spoilers tag #but wow this episode was amazing #ii 16 #inanimate insanity 16

64 notes · View notes

red-dead-sakharine · 10 months

Text

Bring your devil to the circus

Raphael x Tav/Reader tags: gn!Tav, soft grumpy raphael, humor, fluff, tiny bit hurt/comfort

Who needs the orphic hammer, when you can negotiate a much sweeter deal? This is a silly idea that popped into my head, and I'm making y'all suffer through it as well.

"Done." you put the quill down, and Raphael immediately made the contract vanish - to his House of Hope, no doubt - the ink barely dry yet.

"A pleasure, little mouse. I daresay this was quite the bargain. Had I known of your proclivities, I would've--"

"Come!" you didn't even let him finish. He was just puffing hot air right now, and you just - could - not - wait - to get your part of the deal. Grabbing his wrist, you yoinked him after yourself out the door, dragging him down the stairs through Sharess' caress with glee.

He grumbled to himself but followed your lead. After all, he had agreed to this deal - although he was beginning to wonder if he had made a mistake. There weren't any loopholes he might've overlooked, right? No, no, there couldn't be. He wrote the damn contract himself, after all!

Out of the door and up the street you went, still keeping his wrist in your clutches. He had fallen into pace, though he still tried to free his arm every now and again, but your grip was iron. The mischief on your mind was just too good.

"I am quite capable to walk on my own, little mouse." there was a warning in the way he said those last two words, but you ignored it. He had agreed to play along for 24 hours, and by the gods you would make the most of it. You had - both - insisted on putting in a clause preventing abuse, injury, and the like, but most other activities where fair game. If you wanted him to play on a seesaw, he would have to comply.

As you approached the entrance to the circus, realization dawned in Raphael, "Oh no. No!" You giggled, keeping your iron grip on his wrist. "You will not make me go to the damn circus!" "Oh, I very much will!" you turned to look at him, grinning from ear-to-ear. He looked like he wanted to protest but decided differently. He was bound by contract after all. Instead he gave you the darkest of glares, "Had I known what kind of a heinous sadist you are, I wouldn't have agreed to this." You just laughed gleefully, and approached the bouncer with his ghoul at the gate.

The ghoul, Benji, took one long sniff and started shouting, with a claw pointed at Raphael, "STINKY! SMELLS OF EGGS!"

You could feel Raphael vibrate with annoyance and barely contained rage, so you gave him a little pat on the arm with your free hand, "There, there. It's just a stupid ghoul."

"BENJI NO STUPID! THIS ONE'S STINKY!"

You were sure, the deep growl Raphael produced, could be felt through the ground.

Benji's human handler gave a nervous chuckle, "Oh well, smelling a bit funny isn't a crime. Come on in! Welcome to the Circus of the Last Days!" You could practically feel the annoyance radiating from Raphael as you dragged him through the gates.

"Look, it's not that bad." you tried to calm him down at least a little bit, "I promise, if a clown tries to boop your nose, I'll let you incinerate him." He groaned, but you could feel him grow a little less rigid, "How kind and utterly unheroic of you. And here I thought you were a committed do-gooder." "I have my limits. Clowns are one." you replied flatly, and it actually made Raphael give an amused snort. "Maybe there is hope for you yet, little mouse." He took a deep breath, letting his gaze wander over the dreadful place he found himself in, "Now what, pray tell, do you want me to do here?"

You gave him an impish grin, "First we'll go spin the wheel!" He rolled his eyes, as you dragged him forward, your hand still firmly clutching his wrist.

"WILL THE WHEEL OF WONDERS DUB YOU WORTHY? COME - SEE!" you heard the djinni yell as you made you way towards him, "BEHOLD - AKABI'S WHEEL OF WONDERS. SPIN TO WIN PRIZES BEYOND YOUR TINY MORTAL IMAGINATION." "YES, WE WANT TO SPIN THE WHEEL!" you yelled back, and you could hear Raphael's hand smack against his forehead as he facepalmed next to you. "AHA! FIRST YOU MUST PAY!" You looked expectantly at Raphael, who eventually looked up from his facepalming, his eyes finding yours. Then his expression slowly changed from an unspoken 'what?' to a glower, "Surely, you do not expect me to pay for this nonsense, little mouse." "Of course! You're the gentleman here, I'm just a mouse." you grinned at him, and you could see his jaw muscles clench. Grumbling and muttering curses in infernal, he dished out the money, so you could spin the wheel.

"LET US SEE IF YOU HAVE LUCK'S FAVOUR." Akabi barked, and the wheel spun. You side-eyed Raphael, who was watching the wheel and the djinni intently. When it landed on a blank, he scoffed, "I'm not surprised a djinni would stoop to rigging a game of luck. But this is just pathetic." "You would accuse me, Akabi: Destroyer of Planes - of cheating?" the djinni had lowered the volume to indoor voice for the first time you've seen, and it gave you such a kick to know that Raphael was the cause. You finally relaxed your iron grip on his wrist and instead slid your hand down to interlock your fingers with his - though he did not reciprocate, he also did not pull away. "I'm only pointing out the obvious, 'destroyer of planes'," Raphael managed to make the title sound like an insult, "Wouldn't it be such a shame, if everyone knew what a fraud you are. And pathetic on top, having to rely on a magic ring for your trickery." He scoffed.

You could see the djinni grow angry, and began to wonder who would win in a fight between the two. "How about you give my companion here one of your prizes and we'll just move on?" Raphael offered, and the djinni seemed annoyed but caved, "FINE! CONGRATULATIONS, MORTAL!" he chucked a ring at you, which you barely managed to catch with your free hand, "NOW BEGONE, MEWLING CURD!"

You grinned, and gently tugged Raphael away from the disgruntled djinni. It didn't take much to sense the ring was enchanted - you would let Gale have a look at it later, and pocketed it. This was never about any prizes after all. "That was brilliant!" you beamed at Raphael, who only gave you a sideways glance in return. But you could still see the slight smirk that was tugging on his lips. He sighed theatrically, "I'll admit, it was entertaining to put the puffed up windbag into its place." "I knew you'd enjoy yourself here." you replied with a grin, as you started wandering towards your next target, still holding the devil's uncaring hand. "Now, don't exaggerate - this entire place is still revolting to me." he wrinkled his nose, and you rolled your eyes.

You approached the dryad entertaining a small crowd on her wooden dais, and you could feel Raphael lag behind a little. You held his hand tighter - he still didn't reciprocate - and pulled him gently forward. "It's a dryad." he stated, as if this would deter you from your course. "I can see that." you replied simply. "Boring, plant-loving creatures. What could you possible want from one?" "You'll see." you dragged him up the stairs towards the wood-skinned woman, and you could all but feel Raphael's bored annoyance as he was contractually obligated to follow along.

"You return to me, stira. Have you brought the one you spoke of?" the dryad, Zethino, greeted you. Raphael gave you a look - something between anger and curiosity, but you deliberately avoided looking at him directly, instead focusing on Zethino, "I have. Can we do the thing?" "What thing?" Raphael cut in, tone harsh. "You were not told?" Zethino's melodic voice offered a stark contrast to Raphael's. "Told what?" The dryad looked at you and you held up your free hand, "It's a surprise?" you offered as a flimsy explanation. She looked back at Raphael, her eyes wandering over him, then back to you, "Stira, he is not what he seems." "Oh, I'm well aware." you assured her, "That's not a problem for you, is it?" She cocked her head slightly, looking between you two, "Not for me, no." "Okay great! Let's do the thing then." you tried to hurry this along, before the devil popped a blood vessel. "What. Thing." he asked again; his tone more menacing now.

"I will look into your hearts and see if your bond is strong." the dryad's melodic voice explained, and Raphael's brow furrowed, his eyes wandering from you to her now, "'Our bond'?" he echoed in confusion, and you tugged slightly on his hand, that you were still holding. He looked down to the joined appendages, then up to you, then to the dryad, then back to you. You've never seen a man this confused. "Let's just start." you stage-whispered, and the dryad smiled. "Close your eyes. Be still as stone to earth, and remember to breathe." she instructed with her melodic voice.

You did as asked. Technically, Raphael was obligated to play along - the contract made sure of that - so you hoped it would work.

"I see you." you heard the dryad muse, "Know you. But do you know each other?" You heard Raphael scoff. As you opened your eyes, you found yourself standing in front of a log, crossing a small creek, with a waterfall in the background. Raphael was on the other side, looking wholly unimpressed.

"Listen. Think. Raphael, the devil in disguise, what does he most desire in this world?" the dryad asked you in her singsong voice. You clicked your tongue, "Easy. The crown of Karsus, so he can stick it to his father Mephistopheles." Raphael raised a surprised brow, "How do you know who my father is?" "I asked Yurgir, why he was so afraid of a cambion, before I talked him into killing himself." you explained with a grin, and stepped onto the log. Raphael didn't say anything in response, but judging by his expression, he was impressed.

Zethino turned to Raphael, "And Tav, the unexpected hero. What drives them in their journey?" The disguised cambion snorted, "Low hanging fruit. Get rid of the tadpole, and make people happy along the way." He sounded dismissive, as if it was a damnable flaw of yours, but the fact that he knew it off the cuff like that, made you grin. "Quite right. Spreading a bit of happiness never hurt." you smiled. He scoffed. The dryad pushed him gently a few steps onto the log.

She turned to you again, "Your bond hums in tune. There is sunshine, but there is also rain. What does Raphael loathe?" You cocked your head a little and looked at him, thinking for a moment before you responded, "Chaotic, untidy disorder, and bad manners!" Raphael narrowed his eyes, "It's true. There are many things about your world that I loathe. Chattering children, litters of kittens, the noise, and the chaos of it all." You smiled and stepped forward, "You and me, both." He raised a brow and looked like he wanted to question that statement, but Zethino cut him off.

"And what does Tav despise the most?" Raphael looked at the dryad, then to you, "People who hurt dogs." You had to laugh, "It's true! There's nothing more deserving of punishment in the hells, than hitting a dog. But, how did you figure that one out?" Raphael brushed his nails on his doublet, looking as non-chelant as can be, "Oh, I just heard the Sword Coast Couriers are missing a kennel master." he looked at you with an impish grin that oozed approval. Likely more of your method, than your defence of animals though. And it was true. After seeing how the lady at the kennels had treated her dogs, and raised a hand to Scratch when you brought him by, it wasn't a hard decision to drive dagger through her eye. Raphael took a step closer.

"Your bond beats in pleasure. It is an honor to behold." the dryad sang, "But does it hold in darkness still? What is Raphael's deepest shame?" You could see the fiend's brow furrow, and heard him mutter something about stupid questions. The waterfall was too noisy to make out his exact words, as you regarded him for a bit, while pondering. He crossed his arms and stared down at the water while he waited. You had an inkling what the answer was, but you weren't sure if it was something you should say out loud. But in the end, you figured you came up with the right words, so you responded, "Being a cambion and not a true devil. But--" You could see the change in his expression, from grumpy to... alarm? to anger. And his gaze turned on you, burning hot. You held up a hand in a calming gesture, "--but I don't think it has to be. He's the most devilish devil I can imagine. And he'll always be a true devil to me." You offered a smile. It was genuine, and heartfelt, and honest. You meant every word of it, and you hoped he was able to see that. His eyes grew a bit softer, but you couldn't quite interpret his expression, and he didn't say anything. He did make a small gesture though, signalling for you to step closer. And so you did.

The dryad, perhaps wisely, did not comment on what was said and instead continued, "One more question remains, we move back into the sun - what was Tav's greatest joy?" You could practically feel Raphael's gaze rake over you, while he pondered. His arms were still crossed, but he lifted one hand now to rub his chin in thought. He hummed before he eventually offered a response, "Signing my contract." You couldn't prevent a wide grin from growing on your face, "I can think of a few other joyous moments in my life, but I'll admit, that was one of them." Raphael smirked and stepped closer, dropping his arms to his sides.

You stood in front of each other now, and you held his gaze. Looking into those big brown eyes of his. Smiling eyes.

"I press my finger to your bond and find a hidden shield - unrecognized yet, but impenetrable if embraced. It is... beautiful." Zethino mused in her melodic voice, and the meadow around you vanished - replaced with the circus again. "Go in peace, seedlings, and follow your hearts. The most unusual bond I have been graced to witness - it will be just as strong as it is strange."

"Thank you." you managed to say, and took Raphael's hand again to drag him away from the dais. You interlocked your fingers with his once more, and this time he closed his hand around yours, too.

#bg3 #raphael #fanfiction #extraplanar circus #raphael x tav #raphael x reader #fluff #humor #this got a lot longer than I intended #circus of the last days #raphael bg3 #bg3 raphael #baldur's gate 3 raphael #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael the cambion #rds #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3

263 notes · View notes

stinkysam · 11 months

Text

Buggy the Clown - Me ! Me ! Me !

Warning : nsfw-ish

Genre : fluff

Synopsis : "ooh maybe buggy with a shapeshifter partner who likes to turn into him?" - anon

Reader : male (he/you)

A/N : Bon Clay already has that devil fruit so I changed it a bit. You can steal abilities, and the last person you stole them from is… Bon Clay !

When he first heard of your abilities Buggy was impressed. Like, that's really fucking cool !?

You told him about the last devil fruit user you met, Bon Clay and how you had his abilities now.

His first thought was that you could easily pass up as a marine. And if he had met you earlier, he would've had you steal Axe-Hand Morgan's face to take the Grand Line map.

What he didn't expect though, was for you to turn into him. And seeing himself move on your -his ?- own, was a really bizarre thing to witness.

Oh, he's definitely going to use it for his circus tricks.

But he's also going to stare at himself under all angles. Are you sure you got the height right ? And why is the nose so…

Yeah, stop him when he gets to the face because he's definitely going to obsess over his nose, his insecurities getting the best of him.

Because if you don't stop him he'll think you're doing it to mock him at some point and once it gets in his head you'll have trouble making him think something else.

Because there's no way in hell you just like being him. He refuses to believe that.

He likes to make people believe he's so confident and oh, so sexy and perfect he'd fuck himself if he had a clone. Because who wouldn't fuck him, right ?

And now he has the occasion !

Well, it won't happen.

"Why not ?" You ask, crossing your arms with a pout, trying to hide your smile.

"Are you out of your mind ! This is so weird !

"You said it yourself, yo-"

"I know what I said !"

"And ?"

"No ! It's- Why you- Gah !" He stammers, embarrassed you remembered that.

What he doesn't say is that his self-loathing is that strong. And he would find it incredibly awkward to hear his own voice moan or see his own face contorts in pleasure.

Nope, not even to cuddle. It's too weird, if you want him to hug himself so bad he can do it without you.

"Stop it ! This isn't funny !" He yells as he let go of you, who just turned into him.

"But you should love it ! It's yourself !"

"I'd rather hug myself alone then, get out of bed !" He says, now pushing you out. "Get out ! Out ! Out ! Out !"

"Nooo." You turn into your original form and try to get back into bed but he's still pushing you away.

"Get out ! This is a private moment between me and myself, [Name]."

"Well then," You turn back into him. "I'll get my own cuddles." You begin to leave and you stop by the door. "Maybe I'll even masturbate." You say with a wink before running away, laughing.

"No ! This is a violation ! [Name] ! Come back here !" He yells as he jumps out of bed and run after you. "You brat !"

The crew wakes up from the ruckus and find two Buggys running and throwing things at each other.

"Stop him !"

"No, stop him, I'm the really Buggy !"

"He's not ! I'm your captain, recognize me immediately !"

"If you obey him, you're dead ! Stop him !"

No one knows what to do until his hands flies to you, finally an indication of who's the real Buggy.

"You fucking cheater !"

#male reader #m!reader #one piece #one piece x male reader #one piece live action #one piece imagine #opla #opla x male reader #opla imagine #buggy the clown #buggy the clown x male reader #buggy the clown imagine #buggy x reader

215 notes · View notes

teamskulladventures · 5 months

Text

🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

Current Pokemon team:

Sylveon, Gothitelle, Ribombee.

Female pronouns.

Guzma:

•Okay listen. . . When he first met you he really didn't know what to think, let alone say anything about you.

•That is not to say he wasn't curious about you.

•He's never met someone like you before, that's for sure, but for some reason he couldn't help but convince himself that you and him were complete opposites.

•He was also more concerned with beating you down then about what clothes you wore but thats besides the point.

•You and your poofy dress, with enough ribbons on it that you could probably tie a bow around the world and still have enough to complete your outfit. You didn't exactly look like a local.

•He had to laugh at the idea of you doing all these trials in this atire and here he thought he was bad for wearing a jacket in the Alolan heat.

•Well he shut up pretty fast when you almost destroyed his team with only three Pokemon to your belt.

•Emphasis on the almost.

•Yeah not the most well rounded team you still put up a decent fight with just your Sylveon, Gothitelle, and Ribombee.

•And here the "big bad boss of destruction" thought he was going to sweep the floor with you, but your ability to take him on and stand your ground brought something out in him.

•Guzma: *Tsk* I'll admit it you had me worried there for a bit. Your teams strong for being a bunch of "princess types", but not strong enough. If I see you around I might humor you for another battle kid.

•(Y/N): and what makes you so sure that I'm just a kid?

•Guzma: *Turning back around to face you*: Is that a serious question?! Have looked in the mirror today? Your doll costume isn't helping your case here dollface.

•As the grunts around him start snickering you couldn't help but bite back. You might dress in lolita fashion but mark your words you were not a doormat.

•(Y/N): . . . Oh . .oh I'm sorry. *you playful pull your hair back to hold your hand against your ear* Do I hear circus music?! Whats with the clown trying to lecture me on fashion or do I need to remind you that if it weren't for your MASSIVE ARMORED THING my beautiful Pokemon would have kicked your ass into next week!

•Guzma: Oh Ho HO! So the gal has some spunk in her? Listen princess your Pokemon would have never stood a chance no matter how much glitter you would have thrown at us. . *He leans in almost inches fron your face* so unless you're capable of showing what you bark out I suggest you's keep that pretty mouth shut. . . Although *he begins to walk past you* I will admit that it was an interesting fight for someone who dresses like a doll.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•Over the following weeks you had gone back to Ula' Ula' Meadows to try and fight Guzma.

•Some days you were able to run into him but most of the time you resorted to fighting the grunts.

•They were no trouble considering a decent amount used dark types and sometimes their defeats would cause them to run back to their boss. If you waited and hour or two the boss man himself would appear to challenge you once again.

•Though the outcome was always the same given that a three on five Pokemon battle was hardly a fair fight.

•Guzma: Whats the deal huh? *Teasing* You got a crush on me or something?

•(Y/N): *Stern* Can it! You know why I'm here.

•Guzma: *Flustered* Well. . Shit Ha! I didn't except you to be the sensitive type.

•(Y/N): *Gritting teeth* I'm not sensitive. *sigh* I'm just trying to show you I'm not a doormat.

•Guzma: Never said you were.

•(Y/N): Well. .uh . hmmm. Do you want to keep fighting me or not? I mean if this is such a chore for you why do you bother humoring me? Don't you have a gang to run?

•Guzma: Woah woah woah! Easy this ain't an interview! Yeah I got my gang to run but getting the chance to beat you down does wonders on my image. Besides don't you have a trial to finish? Not that I'm encouraging that bullshit or anything.

•(Y/N): Whats it to you?

•Guzma: Tck. Fine don't answer.

•(Y/N): *dusting off some particles on your dress you tell him in a whisper* I quit alright.

•Guzma: *Whipping his head back to face you: Wait seriously?

•(Y/N): Whats the big deal? Isn't your crew of misfits made of nothing but quitters?

•Guzma: *playfully he holds a hand to his heart* Ouch! Thats low! And No! We ain't just quitters. . well. Ehh. Just whateve! We're quitters with a goal! A goal to take down that stupid Alola League and show everyone that these pansy traditions are nothing compared to pure strength. Whats your excuse?

•That wasn't easy to talk about. You barley knew the guy beyond battling and taunting. You weren't about to spill the beans on exactly why you quit.

•Guzma: Well?

•(Y/N): I . uh. Well. . shit. Um. Look just not enough hard trainers is all.

•Not a complete lie. Most of the trainers were a cake walk especially that Kahunas kid and any of his friends he brought along the way.

•Guzma could tell you were holding something back but decided not to push his luck.

•Guzma: Mkay well *He nods his head as he walks closer to you*. I'm flattered that you felt the need to quit for me seeing as you must think I'm pretty tough to keep running back to.

•(Y/N): Ack!? *blushing as you punch his arm* don't phrase it like that!

•Guzma: Hahaha . . sure doll. Still Don't you have any friends? Like a group or a gal or someone to chat with besides whatever we have going on.

•The area got quiet as you took longer than usual to respond. Guzma sensed he struck an insecurity of yours.

•Guzma: . . Shit really. . . Shit REALLY?!?!

•You look up to glare at him while Guzma fumbles on his words.

•Guzma: No kidding? I mean why? It's not like your ugly or anything?

•(Y/N): *shocked you glare at him one last time as you try to walk away* Wow! WOW! Unreal. . *you shake your head*

•Guzma: Ahgh! Fuck wait shit. No I. . I didn't mean it like that!!

•(Y/N): Listen sorry for wasting your time. I won't be bothering you anymore.

•Guzma: No waitwaitwait! You listen. . you uh. Look! I didn't mean to hurt you like that let me make it up to you! Uh. Tapu Cocoa! Can't say no to that!

•(Y/N): Tapu Cocoa?

•Guzma: Yeah!

•(Y/N): Tapu Cocoa?!

•Guzma: ye yeah got a problem with it? Look you can get something else, but I ain't paying for it! I only offered the Tapu Cocoa!

•(Y/N): *whisper* Arceus. . . ughh you either have the worst pickup game or I am easy to please.

Guzma: Hmm, soooo is that a yes?

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•What are you doing here? I mean it's not like people staring at you was a new phenomenon but this. . yeah this was a new level of peeping.

•Guzma: Whats the matter sweetcheecks? Afraid to be seen with me?

•Oh great! Sweetcheecks! Add that to the list of colorful nicknames.

•(Y/N): I have a name! It doesn't hurt to ask for it.

•You sink in your booth trying to avoid the onlookers as you silently sip on your Tapu Cocoa.

•Guzma: Alright! Alright! Whats your name princess.

•(Y/N): (Y/N). It's (Y/N).

•Guzma: Cool cool cool. (Y/N). . Yeah. I like it!

•(Y/N): Hm yeah cool. Anyways you mind telling me why I'm here?

•Guzma: *exacerbated gasp* Oh well excuse me princess!

•(Y/N): *you glare at him*

•Guzma: Right! My bad! Anyways. Yeah! Weren't you the one in desperate need for some friends?

•(Y/N): Oh I see what this is. *sarcastically* Thank you my savior! I'm so glad you came down to offer support. Look I appreciate the gesture but I'm better off alone.

•Guzma: You sure? You seem to come to me too often for that to be true.

•Well there was no denying that. Even if you wanted to battle him for the challenge you did grow fond of his eccentric personality. Still though, you wouldn't put it past him to forget you in due time if you had stopped showing up. Though what were you supposed to do then? Go home? No. Not again. That's the last thing you felt like doing, unless you wanted to prove the family right. You just couldn't. It's already bad enough you bailed on this whole trial thing. Oh Arceus word probably got back to thrm right? Right?!! You weren't sure but the thought was making your stomach turn and their stupid smirks were forming in your mind. It was making you sick! Food. You needed food. The lone drink wasn't filling you up so you decide to get up and order something.

•Standing up you weren't expecting a tug on your arm as a worried look formed on Guzmas face.

•You didn't think he was expecting it either as he quickly let go while he tried to covering the blush forming on his face.

•(Y/N): . . . damn . and here I thought I was insecure.

•Your comment was enough to shake of his embarrassment as he started yelling from the booth.

•Guzma: Shut. sSHUT UP! . . I . ack. . man. .

•(Y/N): *you giggled lightly* Calm down. I ain't leaving you. If that was what you were thinking.

•Guzma turned away to face the wall as he messed with his hair.

•(Y/N): *You playfully pat his side* I'm just getting something to eat. . figured you want something too.

•Guzma started tapping on the table as he stared off into the distance, grumbling under his breath about how the food here was never good.

•(Y/N): Alright! Don't eat then. Just wanted to treat you since you treated me.

•Before you walked off you heard him ask you to get him a sandwich. . . with no mayo though, and that you better make sure there was no mayo because they always "fuck it up" when he asks.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•Cashier: Alright! Your total today is ₽780.

•(Y/N): Uh yeah sure. Thanks! Oh! And you're sure there's no mayo on this sandwich right?

•Cashier: *she looked a bit flustered* There shouldn't be?

•You take the time to double check just in case. The lady looking a bit confused. You had to wonder if any of the other "normal" customers had any trouble with their food or if it only applied to gang leaders and their members.

•Feeling as if you checked every nook and cranny of this sandwich, even between the pickles you closed the bag and headed back to your seat, that was until you ran into a past problem and his annoying girlfriend.

•A males voice rang throughout the cafe: Well well well. If it isn't the princess of the Alola trials! We haven't seen your mug around in a while. *He steps closer to you as he starts to mockingly wave his hands at you with his girlfriend following suit* Oh I'm sorrrryy did I forget! We weren't supposed to stare! Gives you issues or whatever!

•You grip onto the bag of food like your life depended on it as your words come out harsh through gritted teeth.

•(Y/N): Its NOT the staring thats the issue. It's when I find out photos have been posted online without my permission is when I have ISSUES.

•The male trainer and his girlfriend were just one of many trainers that would stare, gossip, or overall judge while on your trial and was one of the many reasons why you felt the need to quit. This mans issue was when his girlfriend clearly took a photo of you and decided to post it to her socials that you felt the need to confront them and politely ask to delete which they gave you shit for.

•Male trainer: Holy ARCEUS! You're still bothered by that crap? Didn't your parents teach you that if you don't want attention then don't dress to attract it? My baby girl didn't do anything wrong so stop acting like a bitch already!

•Oh you really wanted to kick his ass again. You don't even know why he bothered picking a fight considering he lost horribly last time! Though the tense air and stares from onlookers were enough to keep your cool. The last thing you wanted was to start a fight within the cafe.

•(Y/N): Look I really have no interest fighting you at the moment. I'm just trying to enjoy my meal so leave me alone.

•Trying to walk past him he blocked your way.

•Male trainer: Yeah right, not until you apologize for making my girl feel bad for doing nothing.

•The nerve of this guy! Feeling backed into a corner your pokeball started shaking.

•No! No. No. No.

•You try settling down sylveon. She was always the feistiest of the bunch, but your efforts were in vain when she popped out ready to claw at this guy.

•Male trainer: Oh ho ho! Is soneone trying to pick a fight in public like this? Really? Where did your manners go?

•His smug mug started to crack when your sylveon started to lunge at him. Guess he was still frightened from the last beat down you gave him. All talk and no game! Of course this asshole would try to rial you up in public. The lady at the counter started to freak out as she threatened to kick you out had you not settled your sylveon.

•Trying, and failing, the guy and his girlfriend only watched with amusement as your embarrassing display was worrying the other patrons.

•Male trainer: Hahah oh man! What a performance! Arceus I wish I had a camera. Oh wait I do!

•Just as he began recording, the rest of the patrons around him go dead silent as his phone is promptly snatched from his hands. His girl lets out a yelp as she latches onto him causing the trainer to stumble.

•Male trainer: Aye yo what the fuck!? *turns to his girlfriend* get the hell off me! *he looks back as his face goes pale*

•Guzma: Sup? I think. . *he snaps the phone in half* someone's askin for a beat down wouldn't you agree (Y/N)?

•Guzma shoves the guy aside as he makes his way to help you back off the floor.

•Before he could say anything else the cashier yells at you both to get out. Apparently Guzmas presence was enough of a sign for this women to get the impression that a fight was going to break out.

•(Y/N): But we haven't done anything? He's just trying to help me!

•Cashier: I . I don't want to hear anymore! Leave!

•(Y/N): But.

•Chasier: GO!

•Guzma: Tsk. . always the same with you people. *He grabs your shoulders and guides you out the door, half yelling out to the staff* Your lucky the place serves the least shitiest tapu Cocoa! I'll be back next week. He said that last part a bit quieter not really giving a shit anymore about making a statement. He was more concerned about you, who seemed to be a mix of rage and sadness at the moment.

•Guzma: *sighing* alright. Walk with me.

•(Y/N): To where?

•Guzma: . . the beach.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆

•Stumbling onto the beach you had ditched your frilly heels as your pink sparkly tights became dirtied by sand. You were unsure how to approach your feelings at the moment. Normally you'd huff off and scream out to the world but being accompanied by Guzma you didn't want him to be subjected to that. Instead you found some comfort in kicking up the sand while crumpling up different parts of your skirt and blouse. Occasionally fidgeting with your hair the more you thought about what happened at the cafe the harder you began to grip onto various parts of your outfit.

•Guzma had been observing you the whole time and having one too many outbursts himself he could tell you were on the verge of exploding. Walking towards you he tried to think back to what Plumeria would do for him when he got upset.

•Guzma: He.. Hey don't be doing none of that now. . Uh your gonna mess yyour dress If.f.f you keep that up.

•Fuck he was so shit at comforting others. How Plumeria was able to talk sense into him and calm him down was beyond him. Still, he did actually care about your feelings. He was probably the only person who was able to understand exactly what you were going through.

•Looking up at him, although terrible Guzma may be at encouraging people, you found it sweet that he was willing to try for you.

•Feeling a bit more relaxed you started to think about the right words to say to him. Luckily you didn't have to think long as you began to absentmindedly speak about your experiences with dressing alternatively.

•(Y/N): *sigh* shit. . it's like. . i don't know. . look. .uh okay so . uh. mmm this is gonna sound whiny . or okay so maybe not whiny but more just dumb if you don't get into this whole fashion thing. . like so. *sigh*

•Guzma: . its cool . . take your time

•(Y/N): *you smile lightly* thanks. . anyways back to what I was trying to say. . When I was younger, and I had discovered the Internet for the first time, I managed to stumble upon a world full of pastel pinks and blues. Frilly skirts and bloomers. Goth styled dolls. Dresses and cute school girl type outfits. Not only that, I had found a community of beautiful people wearing beautiful clothes that I so desperately wanted to be a part of. For hours on end I would spend my free time just scrolling through forums and posts all about this style of fashion. All without my parents really knowing... not that I was trying to hide it or anything! I just wasn't sure if they would even like that sort of stuff.

•Guzma was listening to every word you were saying as if it was the most important conversation in his life.

•(Y/N): Well when I had gotten older, and could make my own money, I began buying and creating outfits of my own and man I had never been happier! Even still it wasn't enough, especially when my parents got involved. Well, I was right about them not being happy about the fashion. My mom kept calling me childish for wearing "girl doll clothes". She began freaking out about me "finding a real job and partner" some day. As if me wearing fashion in my free time effects my work performance or ability to find love! My dad took it the worst. . Arceus, it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about his opinion. . . for some fucked up reason, and I don't know how he got it in his head, but for some reason he was adamant on believing that this was all . .some sort of . . kink thing.

•Guzmas eyes grew a wide at the thought of your father speaking to you like that. Damn, guess this worlds full of shitty dads after all.

•(Y/N): *Looking at Guzma you took his expression as a response* I know right! It's fucking gross that he'd assume that frilly girly clothes on a woman means fetish! I tried explaining over and over again that this is nothing more than Kantonian street fashion but he kept brushing it off. At that point there was no convincing them . . or so I had thought. *sighing* I don't know what compelled me to do this but I had convinced myself in my own right too, thinking that if I joined the trials while wearing this stuff and I became someone special. . someone important, than I could prove my parents wrong.

•Standing in silence for what felt like forever you began to speak again. Only this time you couldn't stop the tears from forming.

•Guzma was now completely by your side, hushed and focused on your every expression and word, not wanting to butt in and fuck up the moment. Though, he couldn't help but silently hold your hand and stroke your fingers hoping it would stop you from crying.

•(Y/N): *sniffing* welp as you can fucking see it didn't turn out so well. . *hick* fucking stupid. . so fucking stupid. *sniff* it's like .. why the fuck did I even bother. .. heh guess they were right. . yeah?. *hick* guess they were right. . because here I am crying on the beach currently not participating in the stupid challenges because I couldn't actually handle people looking at me weird. . so yeah. . how stupid of me to believe I could change their opinion . . they probably already know. .wouldn't put it past them to find out. . fuckers always find out. . I can see their dumb smug faces laughing already. . should have never been so invested in this stupid style. .

•Guzma: Its not STUPID!

•Looking up at him you weren't expecting him to shout.

•Guzma: It's not stupid okay!? And you shouldn't have to change for no one.

•Feeling his hand on yours he pulled you into a gentle embrace. Your face smushed up against his chest as he began softly and slowly petting your back.

•Guzma: Look or . .okay listen.. Yeah listen. . I don't exactly get this whole "style thing" either. Trust me you wouldn't even begin to understand how long it took for me to process what I was starting at when I first saw you . . but it for sure wasn't me thinking about it as some . . fucking kink thing?

•He said that last part with such disgust you could almost taste the bitterness of his words.

•Guzma: Alright . . I admit. . this thing may not be my thing but I for sure ain't gonna make you change for me okay! And no one should make you feel as if you should. . fuck your parents, and fuck that asshole and his side chick for making you feel like shit for the some clothes. . because your right 'bout that (Y/N). . dollface. . *he lifts your face up so that your gazing into his eyes* . . all it is is clothes.. and they don't look bad on you at all.

•You could tell he wasn't expecting to say that last part as he quickly tried to push your face back into his chest, trying to stop you from seeing his beat red face.

•Pulling yourself off of him, Guzma was still trying to look into the opposite direction, but he still hadn't let go of you entirely. His arm was still wrapped around your side as his hand snaked its way to the top of your head to ruffle with your hair for a bit.

•Guzma: *fake coughing* So . . tsk. Uh. I'm still hungry . . and uh if you want .

•He got cut off by the sound of you rummaging through the crumbled bag of cafe food. The sandwich you had ordered for him was beyond smushed and your mini sliders had fallen apart.

•Guzma huffed as he snatched the bag out from your grasp and threw the damn thing into the ocean.

•(Y/N): AUcK! GUZMA! *hmph*

•Guzma: What? Told you that cafe only serves shit food.

•(Y/N): Well it WAS better looking when it was fresh and that's besides the point! You . . you . ugghhh!!

•Guzma began to laugh at your little outburst.

•*You playfully punch his side* He could have at least taken the contents out of the bag before littering all over the beach! Now you had to get the paper bag back to make sure those poor slowpokes don't mistake it for food.

•Stomping off to get the bag, mad at the idea that your socks were going to get soaked too, Guzma was watching you the whole time.

•Guzma: Hehe . . cute. . . wait.

•Shaking any thoughts from his head the sound of his stomach growling grew louder as called you over.

•Guzma: Look I know your hungry too and if you want. . uh.. you can come over to my place. . I'm not gonna lie I make a mean grilled cheese!

•(Y/N): You mean the old dilapidated mansion?

•Guzma: *monotone* yes that one. . and man screw you *he said so playfully* that "old mansion* keeps us dry and has a lot of charm to it.

•Walking up to him, Guzma was the one to playfully punch your arm this time.

•(Y/N): *Blushing* Hahaha alright. . alright! You care about the shack. I get it. . and about that grilled cheese.

•Guzma: tsk . you gonna make fun of that too girly?

•(Y/N): No no. It actually sounds nice. . I'd love it actually.

•And so the two of you walk in tandem back to Po Town talking about new things and interests, knowing that you had found the one individual that made you feel like a person for once made your heart beat ever so harder. Little did you know that the bug boss himself had been feeling the same way. Eating that grilled cheese with him on his worn bed in that old spray painted house was one of the best moments in your life. A moment you'd remember forever.

✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹⋆ ✩ ✿ ⁺ 🎀‧₊˚🩹

END OF PART ONE.

BONUS:

The two of you laying on his bed

•(Y/N): Wow. This is actually really good grilled cheese.

•Guzma: Oh! Uh thanks? . yeah I think if I had to choose one food to eat it would be grilled cheese. I could eat it for every meal. Or just constantly without stopping.

•(Y/N): *giggling* but then you'd get fat.

•Guzma: No, why would I get fat?

•(Y/N): because bread makes you fat.

•Guzma: Bread makes you fat!?

sorry i had too. :3

🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️🖤🪲🎧☠️

#team skull #guzma #guzma pokemon #pokemon #team skull pokemon #pokemon guzma #pokemon team skull #alola #i love him so freaking much #guzma x me #guzma x reader #guzma x y/n #guzma imagines #imagines #x reader #team skull x reader #pokemon x reader #pokemon x y/n #pokemon imagines

82 notes · View notes

maiko-san · 10 months

Text

TADC x Robotic Jester! Reader (Part 3)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Continuation of the previous parts :D, I literally forgot one character that is Kaufmo. Even though he's not in the pilot, the poor guy deserves love! I know this is a short chapter but Kaufmo kinda deserves one tbh. Too many Jax x readers around lol.

ft. Kaufmo

Warning : slight angst

There's nothing much to do around the circus as of late, Caine had been busy with his work/project and the others are doing their own things or minding their own business.

You're in Gangle's room and watch her draw characters from anime, even though she couldn't remember much about the characters or how they used to look like. Every time she draws, she feels that she is getting the characters so right!

"Look, here (Y/o/n)!" Gangle smiles as she holds up her finished drawing of an animal with a large red hat.

"A raccoon?" you questioned tilting your head to the side. "No, silly! It's a reindeer! A doctor too!" Gangle said. "Hehehe~ I'm just messing with ya, Ribbons!" you said.

"Hey, look what I've drawn!" you said. Holding up a badly drawn of yourself with Gangle with the word 'Weeb Besties' on top with hearts all over. Gangle gasps and takes the paper from you, "I'm going to pin it on my wall!" she said, hugging the drawing. She walks over to her board and pins it on the large board filled with all kinds of arts she had done.

"(Y/o/n), let's play mario—" before Gangle could finish, both of you were teleported to the stage.

Turns out, there were new people on the stage.

Kaufmo

A clown?! Gasps! A stage buddy! Yippe :D

Kaufmo, a name that was given to the newcomer by Caine. At first, the poor guy was in a panic mess, well who wouldn't when you enter a whole different dimension in an instant.

"What—wh—where am I?! Why can't I get this thing off?????!!!" Kaufmo shrieks as he begin pulling on his face, Jax snorts "Try pulling harder, maybe you could rip—" you instantly slaps your hand on the rabbits's mouth to shut him up.

LICK— "Waa! Eew! Gross!" you cringe when Jax licks your palm as the purple rabbit gives you a smug grin.

Caine had taken Kaufmo on an instant tour around the place.

The clown didn't take it too well.

The guy was in a nervous wreck and running around the tent to find an escape from the digital realm.

"Exit! Where's the exit!" he shrieked. Jax on the other hand kinda had enough with his screaming and left, leaving you and the others.

"Alright, let's calm down and take a deep breath" Ragatha said as she walked over to Kaufmo to calm him down.

Due to Ragatha's expertise at calming people, Kaufmo finally calms down.

Everyone introduced themselves to the clown and it was your turn, "Hello, there Kaufmo! My name is (Y/o/n) the robotic jester! Hey, wanna hear a joke?" you said with a grin.

Somehow both of you became partners in the circus!

You and Kaufmo would do tricks together and tell jokes to each other, even Kaufmo's jokes weren't the best ( most of his jokes were consists of dad jokes btw ). Being a good partner, you help him improve!

Like Kinger, Kaufmo sees you as a good friend. Like you do with Gangle, you protect him from Jax's pranks and mockeries.

But even when you try to get his mind off the exit, it won't stop him or change his mind. Kaufmo were glad that you wanted to help him but....

He really wants to go home.....

"(Y/o/n)....I'm thankful that you want to help me but...I miss home and...my family. I know they are waiting for me" Kaufmo said. with a deep frown on his face. You stare into his black beady eyes as you rub your arm and look away.

"Don't you miss yours, (Y/o/n)?" your eyes widen slightly at Kaufmo's question, "I wish I could be like you, ya know....Like don't worry about anything at all? All of your feelings are so genuine unlike the others, like you belong in this place....." Kaufmo said, fiddling with his gloves.

"Well, I— uh" you were cut off by a voice.

"Now, what's with all of these frowning I see?" a voice echoes, both of you look up to see the moon looking down at the two of you.

"Oh, w-we were just talking...." you said, rubbing the back of your neck "I-I I think I want to go back to my room, see you tomorrow I guess..." you said as you speed your way back to your room. On your way, you see Jax walking by and he sees you. He folds his arms behind him and extends his leg once you got close.

He trips you as you fall on the ground, but you were too deep in your thoughts to even bother about Jax tripping you.

A question mark appears on Jax's head as he watches you enter your designated room, slamming the door shut. Jax's grin left his lips, he never sees you acting like that before and it kinda bothers him to see you like that.

"Pft....they'll get over it" he snorts as he walks away but he still couldn't shake off the feelings.

Once you're in your room, you lock the door and lean on the wooden door before sliding down and sit on the floor. You cover your face with your hands and cry.....

Now that Kaufmo said it, "I u-understand how it felt...." you mumbled to yourself. Yes, you also miss your family.

Especially your beloved uncle, you couldn't remember what he look like anymore and every time you want to remember, it was all a blur in your mind.....

He was the only family you had left.....

You'd hope that he's doing alright....

You look up at a drawn picture of yourself (avatar form) and a man with a question mark on his face, both of you are holding hands.

There is a word written, "Greatest Uncle in the world".

"I...I miss you" you sobbed, rubbing away your tears.

#the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus zooble #the amazing digital circus gangle #the amazing digital circus caine #the amazing digital circus ragatha #the amazing digital circus pomni #the amazing digital circus jax #jax x reader #kaufmo x reader #ragatha x reader #pomni x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader #caine x reader #tadc x reader

161 notes · View notes

celaenaeiln · 11 months

Note

Based on the posts I've been reading, the Titans rlly dislike Bruce xD

Do you have a list of stuff of the Titans clowning/making fun/hating Bruce? 👀

If there's too many (omg is it??), maybe just your faves or those that rlly impacted you

They do!!

I had the post mostly done in my drafts when I saw your ask and decided this was the perfect opportunity to finish it!

BUT I DEFINITELY HAVE MORE!

The tug-of-war between the two groups comes from the fact that Bruce canonically has codependency issues with Dick. He honestly needs his son at all times for everything.

The source of Bruce and Dick's relationship problems all sum up to this:

Nightwing (2016) Issue #7

"I wanted to give him the freedom to make his own choices. To do things his way, even if that meant making mistakes. And then...well, then I blamed him for how difficult it was for me to let him go."

He's so, so proud of Dick but he refuses to release him to be free. When Dick manages to get away Bruce hisses and shrieks in rage and fury and hurt that Dick left. Even those long stints where Dick was ignoring Bruce after being fired or after Jason's death, Bruce never ignored Dick. Sometimes going as far as stalking him like at the circus.

This one is post-Jason, pre-Tim era.

The New Titans (1988) Issue #61

Ignoring the self-realization backtrack, it's applaudable that Bruce was even able to get those words out at all. Usually it's just heavily implied.

So the reason why Bruce hates the Titans so much is because they're his biggest threat. They have the possibility of taking Dick away from him forever and he's terrified of such a future.

It wasn't originally like this though. In the beginning when Dick said, I'm gonna hang out with the Titans, Bruce'd be like "Sure, Chum, have fun!"

Teen Titans: The Silver Age Issue #1

But as Dick grew older, there was increasing animosity between the Titans and Bruce. It got so bad that Bruce gave Dick an ultimatum: Me or the Titans. Choose.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #101

"I know, I know...I'm late. Titans Business. We just shut down Brother Blood for...good.."

"Save it."

"Look, I don't know how many hundreds of people we rescued from Blood's cult, but it was a pretty important mission."

"I said save it."

Nightwing (1996) Issue #101

But here's where it gets worse. Bruce and Dick are too busy fighting that they both missed Clayface recovering, obviously in the end they defeat him but neither of them are happy for the oversight which leads to the final scene.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #101

Bruce literally fired Dick because he couldn't stand him staying with the Titans.

"Robin is my second...my lieutenant. Anything less that total devotion to this cause is simply wasting my time."

Devotion to the cause or to you, Bruce? He's freaking Batman. He's done solo runs and Dicks done solo runs as Robin just fine but for some reason whenever the Titans are involved, he loses his goddamn mind.

But hey. Bruce isn't the only one who gives Dick an ultimatum.

Titans (1999) Issue #15

Damn, Roy.

He came out swinging with a chainsaw.

Both sides want Dick for themselves. About 80% of the Titans problems with Dick lie in the fact that they want him to have nothing to do with Bruce.

Batman (2016) Issue #19

Titans (1999) Issue #15

They just want Dick's priority and loyalty to be to them, undivided. Unfortunately, Bruce expects the very same-only it's for himself.

The Titans get so angry at Dick for going back to Bruce and Bruce gets so mad at Dick for favoring the Titans. But Dick loves both of them so there's literally no winning for him. The successful periods for Dick are when both sides comprise for him.

They're willing to work together to protect him though.

Titans (2008) Issue #1

Outsiders (2003) Issue #50

The instant de-escalation at protecting the reputation of Nightwing and her girlfriend. Not to mention how it was Batman who wanted to keep the dirt off Dick.

But the issue is, like Victor said,

Titans East Special

Titans are family.

But Bruce can't bear for Dick to have a family of his own that's not him.

#dick grayson #nightwing #bruce wayne #batman #alfred pennyworth #roy harper #arsenal #victor stone #cyborg #dc titans #titans as family #cl anon asks #thanks for the ask!

175 notes · View notes

flashfuture · 7 months

Text

Jason Todd as Robin ... the first time

[I previously addressed how before the original Crisis Jason Todd was introduced to the world.] The world being Earth One and this Jason Todd is much different to the Jason of New Earth who smacked Batman with a tire iron. He has red hair

But this is the tale of how Jason was awarded the title of Robin the first time around.

It begins with Dick Grayson. Wally West has just quit the Titans because he's losing his powers. And Dick has an announcement of his own.

(New Teen Titans vol 1 #39)

Dick has been Robin since he was 8 years old but he can't be Batman's kid partner forever. "Costume, you and I have gone through a Lot together. Sure hope your new wearer doesn't abuse you as much as I did." He already has a successor picked out of course

But Bruce is maybe not so on board not at first.

(Batman #363)

Jason is rather peeved he isn't allowed to do anything in this new place he's been put and reminds Alfred he can just go back to the circus

(Batman #363)

Still Jason sneaks out to assist Bruce with his Batmaning which is Not appreciated. Bruce realizing that maybe the orphan he took in at eight shouldn't have been fighting crime and trying to stop his new child actually makes So So much more sense than fired an adult Dick Grayson to protect him and then hired a twelve year old to replace him

(Batman #363)

Anyways Jason is pissed and makes a break for it back to the circus. "... Not every conversation with a clown in funny." hilarious narration and excellent unintentional foreshadowing

(Detective Comics #530)

Bruce realizes Jason ran away and is like 'Let's go get him back before the police realize we are almost kind of holding a child hostage. And by we I mean you Alfred okay bye.'

(Detective Comics #531)

Then after a fight that was with some lions and other evil villains this circus has a rough time. Bruce agrees Jason can have a chance at being his partner.

(Batman #366)

Jason is bored waiting around for Batman partner training and goes and fucks around in Dick's room.

(Batman #366)

What he found was evidently one of Dick's costumes and hair dye? So to note Jason dyed his own hair black just to prove himself nobody made him.

(Batman #366)

Anyways SUPER important because I'm so Mad they changed this and the fandom gets in a tizzy about it to this day. But Bruce was pissed Jason dressed up as Robin. "But at the very first opportunity, you will remove that costume. You had no right to wear it in the first place. Becoming my new parter is one thing...stealing someone else's very identity is another-- and one I won't allow." Bruce was incredibly protective of Dick's claim to Robin.

(Batman #367)

Just want to say Jason's first suggestion of an alternative sidekick name was "Ishmael"

(Batman #368)

Jason is listing out other names he could be called and Bruce doesn't like any of them.

(Batman #368)

But here comes Dick Grayson and he comes bearing gifts.

(Batman #368)

He has a suit and a name for Jason Todd to use happy to give permission while also pleased with Bruce's protectiveness.

(Batman #368)

Like this meant a whole lot to Bruce and Dick as well as Jason. Dick was nearly crying from Bruce's sincerity and gratefulness.

(Batman #368)

And now it's time for Dick Grayson to take his leave.

"So long, Robin. Be great."

#dc comics #batman 1940 #detective comics #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #robin #jason todd #bronze age #earth one #long post

100 notes · View notes

b4mpyre-k1zz3s · 6 months

Text

Rules of the Harem

Y/N lives a life not many women can say they have: she spends her days in a luxurious, gothic mansion with America's hottest gang of freaks at her beck and call. Now, how on earth did all of this begin?

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader, Chris Pontius X Fem!Reader, Steve-O X Fem!Reader, Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Fluff)

2.7k Words

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, alcohol, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, drug use, injury, heavily implied sexual content, threesomes, premature ejaculation

An: Hello! This fic was inspired by this post by one of my friends, @xxxmargeraxxx! I couldn’t get this concept out of my head, no matter how hard I tried, and I think this has enough potential to become a series! Anyways, thank you so much for sending in requests, and please keep them coming!! :)

Upon hearing rumors of your living arrangements, people usually ask you one of two questions: ‘why would you do that to yourself?’ or ‘how the hell did all of this start?’. The former was pretty easy to answer- you liked it, however unconventional it seemed to others. You were like Hugh Hefner, only instead of living in the Hollywood Hills, your mansion was situated practically on the sand of the sunny, Miami coastline. The only other difference between the two of you was that instead of having flocks of girls in tiny satin one-pieces and bunny ears, you got your pick of the gaggle of half naked dudes running around your house. The latter question, however, that one’s a little trickier.

It started when, one day, out of the blue, one of your buddies from way back asked if he could crash for a week or two- said he was filming something in Florida and staying at your place would be cheaper than getting a hotel, which you happily obliged to because A: he was right and B: friends let friends sleep at their houses, especially when they have six guest rooms. You hadn’t seen him in a while, anyways- why not take the time to catch up a little? That night, over a few drinks, Johnny let you in on what he was working on - this pilot for MTV he was making with Jeff and Chris and the rest of the guys from that magazine he was writing for. “Hell, they don’t even know i’m here!” He chuckled, jabbing a thumb behind him, “Told ‘em I was stayin’ at the Motel 6 down the road.” You cracked a grin at his lie, sitting back in your patio chair as the blue light from the pool cascaded over the two of you. “When d’you gotta be up tomorrow?” Johnny shrugged, taking a swig of his beer, “Noon. As long as I get back there ‘round then, they won’t suspect a thing!”

So for the rest of the evening, you and Johnny went back and forth, talking for hours. He told you that they were going to meet this professional clown guy named Steve-O tomorrow who works with this flea market circus and who always gets great footage (or at least, really liked lighting himself on fire), and later that month they were flying out to Pennsylvania of all places to film with this professional skateboarder whose name you couldn’t quite remember given that you were pretty damn wasted by that point in the night. And as the evening went on, the topic of relationships came up, and you drunkenly relented to your best friend that the single life was torture. If you could die from not getting dick, you were on your last legs. Despite your dramatics, Johnny could sympathize with that- all those weeks on the road were wearing him pretty thin, he told you, looking at you from under those half lidded eyes which you couldn’t tell if they had grown that dark from exhaustion or desire. He cleared his throat, making eye contact with you, “Y’know, maybe there’s a solution that could help both’a us out…” Johnny proposed nonchalantly, “It’s just what friends do, y’know?”

Waking up in the same bed as your best friend made you realize something. Looking at the way the sunlight filtered in through the open, floor to ceiling antique stained glass windows made the tan muscles of his back just glow as he lay half-asleep, tangled up in your silk sheets made you realize how much you really liked having a man in your bed- not just any man, but him. And after a few moments he stirred a little, sat up with a tired groan, and then offered to cook you breakfast. Yep. That’s how your friendship with Johnny turned into a friends-with-benefitship.

Johnny didn’t return to Miami until after that pilot thing aired. Not only did they get the show picked up, but MTV wanted another season, and that meant more filming. The evening he flew in, he called you to meet up with him and the rest of his buddies from the show (minus those guys from Philadelphia- their flight was delayed till tomorrow) at this rinky-dink little shithole bar. But he didn’t introduce you as the lady who’s house he stays at and who he occasionally fucks- you were just Y/N. His awesome lady friend Y/N who lives in a mansion and has a pool- something that couldn’t be said about the hotel they were set up at, and that piqued Chris’ interest. It was the dead of summer in Florida, after all, and nothing feels better after a long day of banging yourself up than a nice cool swim. So when he asked to stop by sometime, you were eager to invite him over the next day they were off from shooting.

Peering out from your open kitchen window that afternoon Chris visited, you could barely believe what was happening. There you had two very attractive young men, one of which you were definately going to screw later, lounging around your pool in their swimsuits without a care in the world, all sun kissed and glistening. That’s the moment your idea of what you wanted changed- don’t get me wrong, you still lusted after Johnny like no tomorrow, but there was something with the idea of having more than one man to pick from that stirred something in you. It also helped that you were really into Chris’ whole long haired surfer dude thing he had going on- he was like a big, perverted golden retriever, and you weren't ashamed to say that you went for the dumb, jockish ones. Maybe you had him over for more than just wanting to help him cool off a little, but it’s not like you could blame yourself- he was right there. So as you finished whipping up the batch of strawberry daiquiris you were in the kitchen to make in the first place, you thought up a damn genius plan. And, taking a deep breath, you strutted out onto the pool deck in your little swimsuit with drinks in hand, sitting down at the edge of the pool deck to dangle your legs in the water right in front of Chris. Leaning forward, you asked him in flirtiest tone you could muster, “How’d you feel about stayin’ the night?”

Grinning, Chris took the drink you handed him and chuckled at your flirting, “Sure!” As you sat back with your own frosty drink, Johnny eyed you from the other side of the pool, his expression difficult to read due to those sunglasses that never left his face. You knew he wasn't the jealous type, but there was a distinct curiosity to his body language as he watched you (his friend) flirt back and forth with Chris (his other friend). As Chris started spending more and more time around the house, you discovered he had a talent for making you feel like the most perfect woman in the world, and not even just with his words or compliments. Whenever you’d walk in the room, he would just smile and look you up and down and give you that cute, sexy look. And you’d pinch his cheek and he’d laugh that dopey stoner laugh and it was just so sweet- he had this way of just anticipating whatever you needed to hear at a given moment.

So like that, the one guy you were screwing that night turned into two guys, and the next morning, before they slipped off to join back up with the rest of the crew, you let them know that they could come by anytime. Johnny and Chris told you they would be more than happy to stop by and pay their favorite girl a visit, and you felt a strange sense of pride at what you had. Sure, the arrangement was a little unconventional, but it was undeniably yours. Not to mention, you had something to look forward to. Pontius let it slip last night during pillow talk after Knoxville was out cold that they were starting work on a movie, and the two of them would certainly need a place to stay.

Filming for a movie is a lot different than filming for a tv show, namely that you have more time off. There would be days at a time where it would just be you, Chris, and Johnny at your beck and call, sitting around or doing whatever they felt like around the house until you gave them a wave of your hand and gave one of them an order: “Chris, honey- can you draw me a bath?” “Johnny, do you think you could rub my back?” “Both of you, meet me in my bedroom in five!” And they were both eager to jump at whatever you had in mind.

You know how Johnny was real discreet about what he and you got up to behind closed doors and the conditions your relationship operated on? Well, while he meant well, Chris just didn’t have it in him to keep secrets, especially from his best buddy Steve-O who he knew would just love this super sweet rich lady Knoxville was hanging out with. Once he started showing up (completely unannounced, by the way), you didn’t really say anything because you didn’t mind his presence and entertaining antics- what with all the jumping off of surfaces and lighting himself on fire. And you didn’t have to worry about Steve’s performance in bed not measuring up to that of the other two because he barely even made it to the bed in the first place. Sure, occasionally try to join you and Chris, but after taking about three steps into the room, he’d just stop for a second, turn around, and walk back where he came from, muttering to himself, “I’m out...” But that isn’t to say he wasn’t affectionate- in fact, due to his tendency to get his boxers glued to his left leg before the clothes came off, Steve compensated in other ways. If you weren't knocked out in bed with Johnny or Chris at the end of the night (or hell, even if you were), he would jump in under the covers next to you, wrapping those wiry arms of his around your waist and pulling you close to nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck. As unappealing as it may sound, you never slept better than with Steve, that ole’ cuddle bug.

However, as the days went on, you found yourself spending more of your time with the guys outside of the bed rather than in it. As you wandered around the mansion grounds, you took note of what you usually caught them doing because, after all, they would be staying with you for a while and you wanted to know how to keep your men happy. Johnny was easy, usually lazing around on the red velvet chaise lounge that sat in your living room while watching tv or nursing whatever fresh injury he got on set that week with a bag of frozen peas. You’d plop down on the couch next to him and idly chat about whatever was going on on Tv, while Chris was often found on your rooftop sun deck, working out and getting all bronze up there- a sight you never got tired of. Steve, on the other hand, really made it a struggle to keep track of him. He was all over the place, just sorta lurking around or high off of whatever he could get his hands on if he wasn’t attempting some ridiculous stunt. On the off occasion you could actually find him, he was usually sat slumped over against the wall or arch or column, and as you’d walk by, he’d chuckle a little or lay his head against your leg like some weird family dog. In fact, the four of you really were like a big, happy, kinda fucked up family.

Eventually, Bam started getting curious about where the hell those three kept screwing off to, but he never got a straight answer from Chris or Knoxville when he pressed them about it. On the other hand, Steve was more than happy to vividly describe that smokin’ hot rich lady Pontius introduced him to who lets them stay at her huge ass mansion in exchange for, get this- them letting her fuck them whenver she wants. It’s basically a porno set-up. You can kind of see how the words got twisted as they wound through the grapevine? But, of course, that sounded like a dream to Bam, and he just had to get in on that.

So he stood there on your doorstep in his swim trunks and t-shirt because he wanted to at least pretend he was coming for that pool he’s heard so much about. And god, when you opened the door you could hear his jaw hit the doormat. Bam knew you were hot before he showed up but, Jesus- this lady was hot. He was never one to be nervous around chicks, but you left him speechless. “Are you, uh- are you Y/N?” Sure, you’d never met the guy who was standing on your doorstep before, and it wasn't typical of you to invite strangers into your home, but you found the way he looked at you with those big ole’ eyes kinda cute. A plan started to form in your mind and you decided to mess with him a little, “Mmhm.” At that point, the guys had started to take notice of what was happening and started gathering around behind you to watch the show. Bam still tried to sound all cool and confident as he rambled, “I'm a friend’a Knoxville’s- you know, the skater one? He’s probably brought me up before.” That’s the guy? Leaning against the doorframe, you checked him out, “So you’re Bam, right?” He nodded quickly and you cracked a grin, “Well, we’ve gotta rule around here.” From behind you, Johnny raised his eyebrows and gave him a nod as you gestured with one hand, “No shirts for guys. So…” Bam blinked in delete if for a moment as he realized shit, this woman was serious. But all the other guys in the house were fully dressed? Ah, fuck it. Bam tugged off his shirt. Part of him didn’t wanna give in too quickly, but damn it, he just couldn’t get over the way you were looking him up and down like that- not that he would admit how much it got to him.

After you invited him in, that’s when things started getting fun. See, Bam was really eager for you to like him- and I mean really eager, so he spent the entire time trying to impress you. Like when everyone was sitting around the pool drinking or idly swimming, he’d ‘accidently’ flex his muscles while toweling off directly in your line of sight, or if you so much as mentioned that you were thirsty, he’d go running to grab you a drink from the cooler. You weren't in the market for a servant boy, but Bam’s restless pursuit of your attention was endearing, and you wouldn’t mind having something like that around the house. Sitting next to you on the other pool lounge chair, Johnny leaned over to whisper in your ear, “If I were you, Y/N, I’d keep an eye on him. Seems like he’s just dyin’ for your attention.” He certainly would liven things up around the place. It’d be like having a puppy around, only with less leg humping. Oh hell, he’d probably do that too if you gave him the word.

And that’s how everything came together. Now every time Jackass came to Florida to film, your house would be filled with life and chaos and all the men you could stomach for a few glorious weeks. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, there would be some hiccups along the way, and rules eventually had to be made, but we’ll get into those at a later time. For now, you had a new addition to your little menagerie, and you knew exactly how you wanted to celebrate the occasion.

#jackass #johnny knoxville #chris pontius #steve o #bam margera #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #fluff #jackass x reader #johnny knoxville x reader #chris pontius x reader #steve o x reader #bam margera x reader

65 notes · View notes

wrengrif · 9 months

Text

It's not as much a need...

As it is the deepest desire of my soul to have a power ballad playing over the scene where Crowley and Aziraphale are re-united again. Like not bitchy-petty 'They're not talking' but BIG reunion scene. The one where they remember they are the loves of each other's lives and someone almost DIED-died and someone else got taken and Here We Are, Episode 5 and things have gone to ... Hell? Heaven? Ohio? One of these.

Not just any power ballad though. I'm talking Celine Dion levels of Power Ballad. That moment - that powerful moment when they look at each other from across .... something, some kind of distance - battle - empty British road - Alpha Centuri. Whatever.

The music begins as their eyes lock. Aziraphale starts to tear up, because why wouldn't he, and he starts stumbling towards Crowley. Pushing things - people - angels - demons - zombies - out of his way.

Then we cut to Crowley who pulls off his glasses d r a m a t i cally and starts to walk towards Aziraphale, just mouthing 'Angel' softly and then louder and louder until he's SCREAMING it as the music POUNDS out.

Crowley starts to run and shove --- I dunno, whatever is stopping him. More zombies, probably. Aziraphale lets out a tearful 'CROWLEY!' and they crash into one another and it's all LIMBS and CYMBALS and someone's SINGING 'It's all coming back to me now!' (Celine, naturally) and they just HUG It OUT while the ballad just shakes us all to the CORE. They can kiss. Like. It's cool. It's not like I want them making out on my screen while the ballad croons to it's finish - who am I kidding THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DESIRE.

Cue six months later and we're all still watching that scene over and over again, wailing our tears of joy as we sing along brokenly.

And it's not romantic. It's goddamned therapeutic.

... no one tell neil. he must not change this to benny hill circus clown music. he'd do it.

#aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #power ballad #michael sheen #david tennant #i want full on richard curtis vibes here #definitely some jane austen persuasion running though #forget nightingales we need mockingbirds warbling some queen freddie ballad

110 notes · View notes

writingoddess1125 · 10 months

Text

Deal with the Devil

This is honestly just a Comedy no idea what this is 🤣

GNReader x AU Demon Buggy

Art Belongs to Vamos_MK on Twitter!

If you like Click Here <-

"You Fucking Asshole!" (Y/N) screamed, Tossing their phone across the room as you stood there.

Your Rotten Bastard of a Boyfriend- Best to say Ex now!

You'd done everything for him.. wrote his resume, got him job interviews, washed his crusty underwear!

He had wrecked your apartment, drained your saving all for what? The hope of God damn magic!

Yes Fucking magic-

He was a pinterest board having Half ass 'Witch' that claimed he was of a Witch blood line.

Maybe it was that Witch bloodline that lead him to stick his dick in some random as twink at the Bar!

"Fuck You!" You screamed in the air, sobbing as you rushed to your liquor cabinet- It wasn't like you had much but you grabbed the quarter bottle of vodka and the rum. It would do-

Playing terrible break up music you drank away your sorrows- Sobbing hysterically into your carpeted livingroom floor as you finished the vodka, You tossing the empty bottle across the room causing it to shatter.

Stumbling up, you waddle to the kitchen- in state deciding a cup was finally smart-

In you drunken stooper you grabbed a 711 cup from the counter wanting to pour more booze in it- but pausing when you saw it. Your EX's book of shadows- Aka a Dollar Tree Notebook were he stashed his stupid spells and random pages he pirated from the internet. Picking it up and getting ready to throw it in the trash with the rest of your EX's shit when you finally sober up-

But opened it randomly seeing a folded up peice of paper tucked I to the sides. Rolling your eyes you open it and see a well worn page, however it wasn't ancient by any means- the witches.com emblem in the corner cluing you in to that. But in big bold letters on the top said 'SUMMON A DEMON TO DO YOUR BIDDING!' Easy how to guide.

Fuck it- What did you have to lose! Your drunken hazy mind reasoned. Flicking the Dollar Tree book to an random page and tossing it down on the coffee table-

Looking through you saw the ingredients needed. Food, A liquid, lighter, a Vessel and DNA. Chuckling at the rather basic guide you plopped down and poured off a quarter of your bottle of Rum in the 711 cup-

"We recommend 'moon water'- Welp you're getting Captian Morgan-" You laugh as you pour more of the rum into your mouth, hissing at its burn as you look at the next instructions.

"Alright food- We recommend a herb or item you have a dee- fuck that" You grumble looking around and seeing some leftovers from the corner store. Taking the stale hotdog that had been on your table far too long.

"Fuck it- A hotdog will do" You said with a cackle as you shoved it into the cup without care.

"Now play music to set your intent-" You read, Laughing at the weirdness of this all.

"Music huh! Then we shall play the song of my God damn love life!"

With a crying laugh, you opening up your music app and playing what felt appropriate- Circus Music.

"Now last add DNA- May it be hair, Blood, nails. Ha! Yeah right. Got your DNA right here-" You say and spit into the 711 cup like a redneck spitting chew.

(DONT DO THIS AT HOME) after this you look at the instructions- 'Light the alcohol on fire and focus on your intentions' Pulling a lighter out you set the alcohol ablaze and sat there letting the circus music and smell of burning plastic and hotdogs fill your senses.

'I want to get fucked up and beat up a fucking loser!-' Was the only thing you thought before starting to feel yourself starting to black out. Not noticing the flames beginning to burn a bright blue as the shadows of the room wirled around you and took a solid mass.

Soon a shadowy figure eclipsed your form as a the smell of candy apples filled the room.

"HOW ARE YOU SUMMON THE GREAT AND MIGHTY BUGGY THE CLOWN DE-...." He stopped during his monolog and stared at his summoner- passed out on the couch infront of the coffee table while holding the now out lighter used to summon him and a half burned plastic cup, slouched over in a clearly drunken stooper and groaning loudly from discomfort. Waving his hand it detached and tossed the dirty cup into the sink noting the piles of moldy dishes that stopped the fire- Buggy glanced around now, noticing the dirty apartment and disgusting everything of the place.

He cringed at the sight- Looking to you and shaking your shoulder to catch your attention.

"Oi- You. Please tell me you aren't the fucker who summoned me-" He begged, watching you roll your head around confused stating up at the man before you. He wore what looked like a pirate get up- with a bright cherry nose and bright blue hair that reminded you of the sea-

You opened your mouth, prepared to tell this dude to get out of your house- Before that oh so familiar feeling hit you and you puked all over his pants and shoes in a aray of alcohol and chips.

The man giving a short scream at this as he stood there petrified.

"I'm sorry-" You managed before passing out. Leaving the clown standing there with a look of total disgust on his face as he stared at the fresh vomit all over him.

"YOUVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

#x reader #one piece #one peice x reader #one peice live action #buggy one piece #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #demon au #Demon Buggy #Spotify

154 notes · View notes

bg-brainrot · 7 months

Text

Hugs for a Vampire (Astarion x GN!Reader) - Chapter 10: After a Love Test

Chapter 10: After a Love Test

Each chapter can be read as a standalone hug.

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader (Rogue!Tav)

Genre: Fluffy, Filling in Canon

Rating: Teen

Tags: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, POV Second Person, Act 3, Canon-typical violence, insecurities, jealousy, clowns

WC: 1.8k words, 10/18 chapters

Summary: Set at the start of Act 3, time with a dyrad leads to some jealousy and some fluff.

Ao3 | [Hug9][Hug11] | Hugs for a Vampire Masterlist

Somehow, despite the tumult, despite the horrors of the Shadowlands, your group has stumbled into what can only be described as a fresh, new hell. Or as Karlach eagerly exclaimed, “The Circus!” While your companions are all as Baldurian as you are, only Karlach seemed truly excited to stumble upon the brightly-colored, boisterous affair.

That being said, you’re a sucker for her big, puppy dog eyes, so the entire group files in past the security. You lie and say something about being a knife thrower– not hard to believe considering how you’re equipped– but the chortle from Astarion almost gives you away. It tells you all you need to know, but he whispers to you anyway, “You? A knife-thrower? You’d sooner throw your boot at an enemy.” He’s not wrong, and you’re annoyed at how well he knows you.

“Oh, hush,” you whisper back. “Or if they put us to work, I’ll throw my knives at you.” It doesn’t wipe the grin from his face, but he does let it go.

After some odd adventures with a Djinni, speaking to a rather funny little kobold, and knicking a few items from every stall and unsuspecting spectator, you are starting to find yourself having actual fun. Perhaps it’s the petty theft– your favorite– or more likely, the company. Every time you have a wicked little thought on what to steal, Astarion is right behind you, ready to act on it. Even Shadowheart, who is usually thoroughly fed up with your antics, cracks a smile when Astarion nabs the cheating Djinni’s ring.

You begin to see why Karlach was so very excited to find a circus, and you give yourself to the atmosphere of the place. That’s why, when your group stumbles upon a dryad proclaiming to give love readings, you don’t shy away. In fact, when she declares that you’re in love in front of the group, your lover included, you don’t even blush.

Astarion stands proud at your admission, his head tilting up every so slightly. You can tell that he’s feeling quite pleased, so much so that when you ask him if he’d like to do the love test with you, he doesn’t hesitate.

The group, the circus fades away, an idyllic scene taking its place. A series of three questions pass, and with each answer, you take a step closer to your elven lover. Something about the picturesque scene fills you with a deep wish to run away together, find yourselves a secluded moment like this, away from even this dryad’s prying eyes. Astarion closes the gap between you, the test complete and your love thrumming– or whatever Zethino proclaimed.

“How close you are, two hearts beating a perfect rhythm,” the dryad says, her tone melodic and lulling. “But I know the truth. Only one face holds your dreams each night. Close your eyes, sweetness, and she will come to you.”

What? you think to yourself. You turn toward Astarion who is looking at you, eyes widening ever so slightly in shock. There’s a pain to them that begins to surface, and you shake your head, trying to reassure him.

“Close your eyes,” Zethino repeats. You hesitate, you know you don’t love anyone else, but you were the one who suggested you did this little love test, so it’s up to you to play along. You close your eyes.

There are a few moments of silence, only the sounds of the circus coming through and you begin to wonder if she means to show you anything at all. You open your eyes to ask as much, only to be face-to-face with a grotesque, unnervingly familiar face: the woman from the mindflayer colony.

You recoil at her pale, unnatural visage, and make eye contact with Astarion, who is already reaching for a blade. The woman, Orin, doesn’t seem to be here to fight though. After posturing, not even allowing you to get a single word in, she dissipates into the air. For some reason, your first thought is born of a childish disappointment, was there ever any kind of love test?

The group is phased at this, naturally– she’s confirmed that she’s stalking you all, that she could be watching from any corner, wearing any face. So when you get back to enjoying what’s left of the circus, Astarion’s stormy expression and agitated twitches seem entirely warranted.

You try not to let it get to you, but after a few minutes of this, you say to Karlach and Shadowheart, “You go on ahead, I want to check out this bard with Astarion. Maybe try pickpocketing some distracted audience members.”

Karlach is already mostly over the whole shapeshifter thing, back into full on circus mode. “Say no more, soldier. Shadowheart, let’s go look at the animals!”

Once they turn the corner, you face Astarion. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what,” he says, looking down at his nails nonchalantly, steadfastly ignoring your searching eyes.

“You’re brooding,” you say, reaching out a hand for his. You wait a moment for him to accept it, and when he neither avoids it, nor accepts it, you gently grab a few of his fingers. “Is it Orin?”

His hand relents easily, and, as if moving on its own, intertwines his fingers with your own. “No,” he starts. “Well, kind of.” You wait patiently for him to sort out his thoughts, rubbing a thumb over one of his knuckles to the jaunty beat of the bard next to you.

After a bit, he says, “We’ve been entirely too open and trusting. Even if she wasn’t Orin, wouldn’t you say we were left too vulnerable there, dear.”

You try your best to keep your expression neutral. His concerns are valid, his fears coming from a very real place. But your stomach drops at the idea that this could shatter whatever safety he’s started to feel. “You’re not wrong, love,” you start, measuring your words carefully. “But we know how to handle ourselves. Even as Orin, I know we could take her.”

“You might be right, but that doesn’t mean we should be putting our lives into anyone’s hands but our own,” he scoffs, fingers clasping tightly over yours, as if these two pairs of hands are the only ones that you can trust. “Baldur’s Gate is more dangerous than anything the Shadowlands could throw at us because the dangers look so… mundane.”

“I know,” you say. “All I can say is that I care for you, Astarion. And no matter what the city throws at us, we’ll be together to face it. Just like the love test today.”

The vampire rolls his eyes at your words, but a smile finally creeps onto his face. “Ugh, you’re so utterly saccharine,” he responds. But, despite his words, his arms pull you into a big hug, enveloping you in a blanket of cool leather and his familiar scent. “That being said, if you ever want to do another love test, I'm going to have to squeeze you to death.”

You laugh into his shoulder and say, “Fine, fine. We’ll have to trust that our bond is unbreakable without a magical Master of Love telling us so.”

“Exactly, I don’t need some stranger to tell me what we already know.” He sounds confident, assured to start. But a moment later, his voice comes out as sulky when he follows up with. “It’s not like you have another, more handsome lover like she suggested, right?”

An odd response from him, especially with the petulant face and tone. And you don’t recall the dryad using the word ‘handsome.’ Is he… “Were you… jealous?” you ask, lifting your head up. You’re not teasing, just genuinely wondering if that small statement from an evil woman could elicit such a reaction from your love.

“I was not jealous,” Astarion responds, aghast. “What is there to be jealous of, that ridiculous shapeshifter? A fictional person laying in wait? A particularly muscular tiefling whose company you enjoy? I think not.”

His body betrays his words, his arms around you squeezing almost painfully tight as he talks. You haven’t seen true jealousy on him before, only the occasional moments of self-deprecation or worry, and something about it makes you want to go right back to teasing. “Oh, I don’t know. A shapeshifter could look like anyone, imagine all of the possibilities of a shapeshifting lover,” you say, an exaggerated tone of wistfulness in your voice.

In a wry tone, he responds, “There are scrolls for that.”

“I’m just kidding!” You nudge him playfully in the side. “I don’t actually want a shapeshifter, alright? You’re perfect the way that you are.” He preens a little at that and loosens his grip on you– You take the opportunity to slip out of his arms and look at him head-on. “Now tell me, did she bother you that much?”

“What do you want me to say?” He raises his arms in exasperation. “That when she said you had another love it felt like a troll had taken a club to my chest?”

“I like the imagery,” you remark, helpfully.

“Thank you,” he says, sighs, and continues, calmer now. “Some– very small– part of me was worried. I meant it when I said you deserve something real. You deserve more than real, and what if… what if that just isn’t something a runaway vampire spawn can offer?”

“My love,” you melt under his words, under his pleading red gaze, begging you to love him for who he is– as if you don’t already feel the weight of that love with every single breath you take. “You are so much more than you know. May I hug you?”

He nods, his expression pulling at each and every one of your heart strings. His eyes stay trained on you as you pull him back towards you. You bury your face in his neck and say, “I promise you have no one to be jealous of, I can confidently say no one compares.”

Astarion gives a shaky sigh. “I know. I am phenomenal.”

You stifle a chuckle. “That you are.”

As is typical with an adventuring party like yours, these secluded moments are few and far between. A familiar booming voice crashes into your hug. “Look what I found!” Karlach exclaims. “Face paint, just like the clowns! Fangs, please tell me I can put some face paint on you.”

The vampire stiffens in your arms at the sound of that, but the wheels of mischief are already spinning in your head. “Karlach,” you say. “I think that might be the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“Oh, I know,” she responds, a few kits in hand. “But don’t think you’re escaping either soldier.”

You look at Astarion, mirroring the same panic on his face. Releasing him from your arms, you access the situation. “If we split up, she can’t catch us both.”

“After you, my dear,” he responds.

You turn, only to find Shadowheart waiting, a wicked grin on her face. “Oh no, you don’t. You’ve both had your fun today. Time for us to have ours.”

It’s not long before you and your lover match, sporting the garish colors of a painted clown. Normally, you’d hate this and, on the surface, you certainly still do. But deep down, you feel a lighthearted joy– you told Astarion you’d face anything together, you suppose the circus is no different.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion fluff #astarion masterlist #hugs for a vampire #hfav #gn reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #astarion baldurs gate #bg3 astarion

67 notes · View notes

ask-sister-solaris · 4 months

Note

Could you maybe write a buggy x wife reader where they've been married for many years and have gone through thick and thin like they're all lovey dovey

Could you make it angst tho like maybe an argument between the two of them where buggy screams and shouts mean things at her idk and moves his hand up to maybe scratch his head and the reader flinches

Oooo so I’m not sure if you want live action or anime? Imma assume it’s live action but if not you could always send another ask and I’ll do anime buggy to!

Warnings: Angst, mentions of abuse

Buggy X f!wife!reader

“I promise I’ll do better”

You and buggy had been through thick and thin together. You’d been friends since childhood and you always followed Buggy, he never brought any harm to you so you stuck with him. That and his witty charm. When he set off to become a pirate himself you returned home and were forced into an arranged marriage.

Said man you were marrying was..far from kind. He always beat you if you did anything wrong or said something out of place in his eyes. That only lasted two years, her village was raised by strange looking pirates who kept shouting about their flashy captain. You could only hope that it was the same flashy clown you were thinking of. While the pirates were busy you rushed to the port and saw a large ship, and the large Jolly Roger with a big red nose put a huge grin on your face.

You rushed over and yelled his name, the one you had wanted to marry. The one you’d wanted to stay with forever. “Buggy!? Buggy it’s me!” You yelled, the blue haired flashy fool looked over and his eyes widened seeing you. You were skinner, and paler than when he’d last seen you. Only two years and you’d changed so much. He jumped down and landed infront of you, a hesitant hand held your face and you leaned in.

Since that day you traveled the ocean with him gaining your own bounty and wanted poster. It had only been a year since he saved you when he proposed. Of course you said yes, you love this flashy fool you’d die before you left him. He was upfront and admitted he ate the chop chop fruit, and that’s why he could split himself up. You were fascinated by it and would often ask him questions.

You had been married for quite a few years, always having each others backs whenever you fought, or he’d let you light a buggy ball if he was feeling extra nice. You rarely fought, but soon after Luffy humiliated him and got away, he swore vengeance. You thought it was bad already with him despising shanks, but now Luffy to? The boy just seems playful and immature. Nothing different from buggy. And this sparked an argument.

“I don’t understand Buggy, you hate shanks, and now you hate the child he helped raise? It was low of you to even put the kid in the tank in the first place!” You were pacing the circus floor wringing your hands together. You turned to him as he began yelling about vengeance and how could she betray him in such a way.

“You don’t understand! You weren’t the one bullied all your life! You had a nice simple life after I left! You married a marine if I’m not mistaken” He yelled and raised a hand to make a point, but his face was one of confusion when you flinched back and covered your face.

“I promise I’ll do better”

The words had slipped out before you knew what you were saying. Buggy’s eyes widened and he lowered his hand gently. Did that marine bastard…no… “What did they do to you?” You looked up tearfully and before you could even begin to talk buggy pulled you in for a hug and hid his own tears. He didn’t care if any of his crew walked in. You were his damned flashy wife, and he blamed himself for not coming to the village sooner, hell he blamed himself for not taking you with him originally.

“I love you…my flashy little wife” he whispered in your ear and you smiled through the tears. You placed a kiss on his jaw “I love you to my flashy fool.”

#buggy the clown x reader #live action buggy X Reader #buggy the clown #buggy one piece #captain buggy x reader

36 notes · View notes

n-s4kayaky · 1 year

Text

Satisfying journey

(Notes: Hi! I'm new to writing stories on this app. While I am familiar with writing the occasional one-shot or comic strip, it's been a while. I'm writing this story for my own enjoyment and excitement. I just wanted to let you know that if there are any grammatical errors, I apologize. I'm also more than happy to hear your suggestions and feedback. For now, this is all I can share. I hope you enjoy this story)

Pairing: Buggy The Clown x F!Reader

Summary: You are a young woman tired of living in your old and gloomy town, looking for an adventure or a new place to live. You obtain a boat in terrible condition, but good enough to take you to the nearest island, which is called Orange Town. Upon arrival, you are surprised by the deplorable state of the city, observing how half of it is demolished and in absolute silence because no one walked through those streets. You search throughout the city for someone to tell you what is happening there, but while you search for something or someone to provide you with a minimum of information, some pirates find you first. Thinking that you are a citizen of that town, they take you prisoner to a large tent that looked like a circus, which was full of the population of that city, only that they were chained in their seats with a shocking appearance. The pirates do the same to you as they did to the other citizens and handcuff you.

Confused and before you could grumble at your captors, the lights went out completely and a large group of what looked like circus performers came out, starting their show. Everything seemed "normal", people applauded based on a large sign with the word "APPLAUSE" and laughed when the same sign said "LAUGHTER". Buggy came out of a large hallway, you knew you had seen him somewhere before; you didn't remember where but that face was familiar to you. The Captain began to scold his crew for the poor show they were putting on and for the lack of attention they were paying to him. Due to this, the sign with the word "APPLAUSE" shone again and the entire audience did what they were ordered to do, everyone except you, too confused and lost in your thoughts trying to remember who that clown was. Of course, your action did not go unnoticed and that's why the captain's attention was fixed on you.

Warnings: Depictions of Violence and Torture, Buggy being the star of the show and a complete jerk, sexual tension and teasing, romance, humiliation.

The rays of the sun stung against the skin of your arms and face, the smell of saltwater permeated your nose, and the gentle sea breeze made your hair wave. You were lying in your small boat, not having much else to do at the moment, just lying down, looking at the blue sky, and waiting for the tide to take you somewhere worthwhile. Had you ventured into the vast and dangerous ocean without a hint of knowledge about navigation? Yes, but what did you have to lose at that moment? You knew you weren't going back to your village or being given a mansion and 5,000 berries. You sighed in boredom as your stomach began to growl with hunger. You lazily rose from the small boat and rummaged through your bag where you had put some provisions to endure as long as possible at sea, but to your surprise, the bag was almost empty. There was only a small glass jar with a sip of water left, and the only edible thing you had at that moment was half an apple, which was already beginning to rot on the inside. A grimace appeared on your face, and you sighed resentfully. You had to get to a place with food as soon as possible if you didn't want to die of hunger in the middle of the vast sea.

With the small safety knife you had in your pants pocket, you began to take the small part of the fruit that was still in good condition, bringing it to your mouth and eating while your eyes once again rested on the bright blue sky, watching as the occasional seagull flew over it. You ate the last of your fruit and decided it was best to save the little water you had left for later. With a sigh, you got up from the boat, standing on the dirty and damp wood as you looked around for something that would please your eyes. Fortunately, you had great luck and saw what looked like a city just a few kilometers away. A big smile spread across your face and you energetically took the small oars in the boat, beginning to row towards the town.

You arrived at what seemed like a beach and boarded your sorry boat, thanking any god that you could touch solid ground again. You took your bag, which had a few changes of clothes, a small bag with some money, and that bottle of water. You didn't take much from your old home, you didn't want to be burdened, and you were clear that as soon as you arrived on an island, you would look for a hostel to stay in and a job that would provide you with enough money to subsist. Your feet began to walk, climbing up the beach until you reached the streets of the city; but something was wrong there, you couldn't hear a soul, and you couldn't see anyone around. You simply continued on your way, getting into the alleys of the town, maybe you had embarked in an area that not many people passed through. It wasn't until you walked a while through the town that you reached the center, where your eyes were horrified by the pitiful sight in front of you. The houses were collapsed, dust and ash flew through the air and made your throat close when those particles entered your nostrils, small fires still burned in some of the destroyed houses, smoke came out of some of the homes, creating a smoky atmosphere around you and making you cough from time to time. What the hell had happened here? You kept walking slowly, looking around with fear that any of your steps would cause a collapse in some house.

From a distance, you managed to hear two people talking, hoping they were citizens, you turned around ready to go talk to them to find out what the hell had happened there; but when you turned around, what you saw did not seem like simple citizens. They were dressed in a striking way, to say the least, it seemed like they had escaped from a circus function. They quickly fixed their gaze on you "HEY! What the hell are you doing here?! You should be with the others!" said one of them as they quickly headed towards you. Your first instinct made you start running through the streets of the destroyed city and as expected those two individuals followed your steps running behind you at great speed. You gasped as you moved your head, directing your gaze behind you to see how close they were to you, you only managed to spot one of them, making you happy thinking that you had left one behind; but out of nowhere, you collided with something, falling backwards onto the dirty ground. You let out a groan as you watched who you had collided with was the other individual whom you thought you had left behind. "Well, well, look what we have here, a clever idiot who is not with his other little friends," muttered the first man as the second, who was behind you, aggressively grabbed your hair, forcing you to get up from the ground. "We're going to take you to your pathetic little village before you miss the show," he said, taking your wrists, keeping them together behind your back as they forced you to walk. What a mess you had gotten yourself into? Did they think you were part of the village? Were these people pirates? It made sense, just by looking at their clothes and how the city was. Damn, why did you have to have this bad luck? You had embarked on a village that had been taken over by pirates, of all things you could find, it had to be pirates, great..

The men took you to the port where you could see a huge pirate ship with purple colors decorated with golden details along the bow. Its sails had white and red stripes and the pirate skull that adorned the largest sail had a flashy red nose, which seemed to be that of a clown. In the middle of the ship was what looked like a big circus tent. Was that what the pirates meant by "losing the show"? You entered the tent and quickly a great chill ran down your spine at the sight of such a scene. The stands of what was a circus were full of people, whom you deduced were the people of this city. But what made your heart shrink was seeing them in terrible conditions, with handcuffs on their wrists and ankles, holding them in place. Their faces showed sadness and exhaustion. How could they do such a cruel thing? They had imprisoned children and the elderly, forcing them to watch a damn circus show. What kind of sick joke was this? The pirates who had brought you pushed you into one of the front row seats, making you sit down and quickly putting the same chains on you as the others. One of them took your chin, forcing you to look at his face, which was decorated with a cunning smile. "Enjoy the show, doll," he said. Then he aggressively let go of your face as he walked away laughing with his companion.

From one second to the next, without giving you time to blink, the lights went out and instead some spotlights made their appearance, moving from side to side while out of nowhere a large group of people came out, all dressed in a striking way, some juggling, others walking on stilts, some contortionist walking on stage moving their body in imaginable ways. You would have enjoyed it if you weren't in the situation you were in. A man passed in front of the audience, holding a large panel with the words "APPLAUSE" written on it and as if by magic the entire audience began to applaud.

"NO, NO, NO! Everything is wrong, everything is wrong!" could be heard from a distance as a clown? emerged from one of the central hallways. This man was undoubtedly the most attention-grabbing, wearing a large orange pirate hat with the same skull that was on the ship's sails in the center, two blue tassels hung on each side of the hat, a large jacket hung from his shoulders, which matched his hat due to the color, and some fur was attached to the opening of the jacket. His face was decorated with simple makeup, two blue lines above his eyelids that complemented his tassels, a bone cross on his forehead, his lips were colored with red paint, simulating that his smile was even bigger than usual, and finally his big, round red clown nose, was that thing real? "You are all damn useless! The contortionist should have come out after my appearance! Which should have been after the jugglers! Don't you know how to do damn things right!?" He muttered with great anger, causing the artists to shrink back at his screams.

"Wait a moment... That face looked familiar to you, that nose, that makeup, where had you seen it before? It seemed too familiar, but at that moment the information wasn't quite clear in your mind. The one who seemed to be the captain grunted irritably as he looked up, raising his arms and gesturing towards the same thing "And why the hell aren't the spotlights centered on the star of this damn show?!" Quickly, the main spotlight landed on the clown, who made him smile with sufficiency "That's much better. Your star has arrived, dear audience!" he said as the man from the poster quickly passed in front of the audience again, causing them to applaud again, everyone except you. Too lost in your thoughts trying to figure out where you had seen the pirate before, you didn't realize that the people had applauded, leaving you exposed among everyone else. Something that the captain did not overlook, his blue eyes fixed on you and he quickly approached you with furious steps, standing face to face, it was then that you came out of your memories, slowly raising your head to observe the man's face, who looked at you with annoyance and some curiosity "You... Why the hell haven't you applauded in my presence? Do you think you're some kind of rebel? Know, my dear, that that's going to get you in a lot of trouble" he said with a playful tone but certainly full of sadism. You swallowed, remaining silent before him, before the lack of response the man raised his eyebrow and his hands flew to your face, squeezing your cheeks tightly "Well, I want an answer... Unless the clown has eaten your tongue" he said in a playful way while the man from the poster took out another one where this time it said "LAUGHTER", the audience quickly began to laugh in a way that showed they were being forced. The clown made a serious face and moved his face away from yours, looking at the other spectators and finally at the poster man "Who said you should LAUGH?!" he said spitting angrily, causing the audience to fall silent in the blink of an eye, he turned his gaze back to your face, studying it carefully while the hand that held your cheeks moved from side to side, causing your face to move in the same way "Now that I think about it... It's the first time I've seen you..." "It's because I'm not part of this town" you finally said, looking at him as he seemed surprised by the sudden response, a smile formed on your lips as you released your cheeks "Whether or not you're part of this town, you must follow the orders given to you. Besides, you should be grateful to be enjoying the show of the Magnificent Buggy The Clown!" he said with an air of superiority and a big smile on his lips. Buggy... Buggy! There he was, that was it, you had seen this man on several posters of his search in your town for a high amount of money "I'm not going to applaud the show of a sadistic clown who has imprisoned an entire town for pure delight..." you said firmly to the pirate as you looked at him with disgust and anger. He looked at you again for several seconds, without a clear expression on his face, the silence piled up and broke when the man began to laugh out loud, as if what you had said had been the funniest joke in the world "Oh, but dear, my audience adores me, don't they?!" he said with that air of superiority while the audience quickly began to applaud, prey to the panic that something would happen to them if they didn't.

"They don't adore you! They're terrified because of you!" You said firmly, facing the fearsome pirate. He groaned in anger and grabbed your cheeks again, but this time in a much more aggressive way, feeling the fabric of his glove digging into your skin and sinking into your flesh. "Listen to me, you little brat! I'm not going to let someone like you ruin my show! So take back what you said if you don't want to regret it," he said in a serious and sadistic tone, his eyes fixed on yours. You swallowed hard and made a face, gathered saliva in your mouth, and spat it in the clown's painted face, causing him to close his eyes softly upon impact. The tension was palpable in the air as the clown remained motionless for a few seconds. His free hand passed over the trail of saliva on his face, picking up the fluid and looking at it on his glove for several seconds until a blow echoed throughout the tent. Buggy had slapped you with the hand he had used to pick up your saliva. You gasped at the impact, feeling the part of your cheek that had been hit start to heat up and turn red. He let go of your cheeks and grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling you up and forcing you to stand while he looked at you with a small smile. "So that's how it is... Well, untie her!" Several pirates quickly approached you, unchaining you from the seat. Buggy pulled your hair again, making you groan in pain as you followed his clumsy steps. The pirate put you in the middle of the stage, watching you with amusement. He took a few steps back, but strangely, you didn't move, and you still felt your hair being pulled. You looked up and your eyes widened as you saw his arm still on top of you, holding your hair. It was separated from his body as if it were a simple toy. Buggy laughed playfully at your expression of surprise and terror, raising the limb that was missing and was on your head. "Do you want to see what else I can do?" he said with a mischievous tone as he raised his other hand with a surprised expression. In that hand, the one that was still gloved, there was no arm, and you felt someone touch your shoulder. You turned your head in confusion and saw his other flying hand in front of you, which grabbed a red ball. He squeezed it, and a strange red smoke filled your face. You wrinkled your nose as you inhaled that strange pungent smell that filled your senses, and you felt your eyes starting to close due to a great feeling of sleep that filled your body as soon as you smelled that smoke. In the midst of this, you saw the flying hand quickly moving towards your face and hitting it, causing you to fall to the ground completely unconscious.

Buggy smiled amusedly at seeing you unconscious on the floor and made his hands return to his body. He caressed your wrists and rolled up his gloves as he knelt in front of you, gently stroking your cheek. He stood up and looked at two of his crew members, gesturing for them to take you. "Take her to the cells... I think I'll keep her, she's quite interesting," he said playfully as he watched your unconscious figure for the last time until the captain's subordinates took you and brought you to the cells as their boss had ordered. Buggy turned around, facing his audience while the spotlight was still on him. "Let the show go on!"

Pt.2

#buggy the clown #buggy one piece #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #one piece #opla #one piece x reader #one piece buggy #buggy x y/n #op #op x reader #one piece live action #buggy x female reader #x reader #opla buggy

117 notes · View notes