#let me reiterate that real life is different than fiction

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Last Twilight: Ep 12

The TL;DR of this post is just... Sincerely what the fuck?

I remember posting after Episode 1 that I was keeping a suspicious eye on the mention of the eye donation because while I do think in real life disabled people have the right to manage their disability any way they want to and would support someone's choice to get a cornea transplant, real life is not fiction and fiction is designed to pull messages and themes from. Episode 12 from almost it's first moments completely undermines two and a half month's worth of messaging about learning to accept a new reality. I don't think it is foolish of me to assume based on the set up of the first episode that Last Twilight was supposed to be an exploration of grief as told in conversation and parallel between someone who lost a loved one and someone who lost their vision.

If this story had continued in the way it started out the first half of this show, I honestly think it could have been a 10, those first few episodes I was enjoying so much I was worried it might knock out Moonlight Chicken as my favorite Aof offering. Now I have rated Last Twilight as a 3, I will never suggest it to anyone and I will never rewatch it. Why?

Because from a fictional narrative perspective, having Day gain his vision back at the end undermines the entirety of the show's messaging from the first 11 episodes. Every single lesson, every single message just absolutely obliterated by every moment of Episode 12.

Day getting his vision back right as he and Mhok get back undermines the narrative in the following ways:

Rewarding Day for managing to create a successful and happy life as a blind person (literally like "hey you graduated and ran a bookstore while blind! Congrats you get to be normal again!)

"Rewarding" Mhok by insuring that he never has to do any caregiving for Day going forward so we don't get any navigating or expectation of Mhok and Day being in a longterm inter-abled relationship

We eliminate all chances that the subject of pitying Day re-enters any future fights, meaning there is now zero risk for Day maintaining a relationship with someone he worries might infantilize or pity him

It absolves Night of any remaining guilt he may be carrying from thinking he caused the accident that made Day blind

It absolves Day of any remaining anger at Night thinking he caused the accident that made Day blind

Mhon's ableist fucking ass gets her "normal" son back the way she confided in Mhok she'd hoped for after the first failed cornea transplant

It undermines the theme of the in universe Last Twilight novel and the conversation that Day and Mhok have about Mee being turned in to a statue on the top of the mountain and how that was hopeful because her father had found a sight so beautiful he couldn't think of anywhere else Mee would need to see and instead turns the message essentially in to: "there is hope, you can be cured"

It dismantles their cute couple thing of the one palm distance which also makes the OST that they played all the fucking time completely irrelevant

And most importantly, it undermines all the growth that Day went through while processing his grief and the two, TWO separate occasions where he came to terms with his disability

And that's just the disregard for the narrative messages, giving Day his eyesight back is incredibly ableist in the case of this story because of certain ableist through-lines woven in to the entire show. Namely:

While Day is blind, there is no reciprocity of care. Mhok is always taking care of Day, I cannot think of a single instance where Day really took care of Mhok in a significant way. By focusing so much on Day, and abandoning any strong focus on Mhok's grief over losing his sister, Day is never given an opportunity to be a support system for Mhok. Which is fucking ableist. Disabled people have so many things to offer the world, and while they might have specific support needs that does not mean that they can't offer support in return.

Mhok doesn't introduce Day to his family at their graves until after Day has his vision restored, and it is only then that Mhok says he has someone to take care of him. Able-ist!

Day gets his vision back almost immediately after a conversation with his mother where she says he wants to be normal and the fight he had with Mhok is normal.

Handling the entire story this way, with the break up, and a three year time gap, and then Day having his vision restored literally hours after he and Mhok get back together does not allow for any exploration of Mhok and Day having to figure out the differences between Mhok being his caretaker and Mhok being his partner.

We shunted literally every part of Mhok's backstory completely to the side, which in and of itself is fucking ableist in my opinion because it implies that able bodied people who are caretakers for or who are in a relationship with a disabled person don't have any time for themselves, to deal with their own shit or to have their own needs because they are too busy taking care of a disabled person.

With this being, what, the first main character in a BL with blindness, you want to go for the cure route after acceptance? Like you are rewarding someone for their bravery of handling their disability instead of allowing the disabled person to remain happy and thriving in the life they have built for themselves while they continue to be blind?

I'm not blind, so forgive me if I am overstepping at any point here but in my opinion, if you want a narrative that gives Day back his eyesight, that story that not be written by a sighted person. You need blind writers, people with the lived experience having control over the story so the narrative is better able to navigate the complexity of a decision like that, to reverse a character's blindness. I just think blind people would be able to minimize how much returning someone's eyesight might come off as ableist in a story like this. Additionally going the cure route is not a choice I think anyone should be making with the first BL that focuses this heavily on blindness. This world is so fucking ableist, if you want to make a story with a disabled main character with how slim of pickings there are, it feels much more responsible and subversive to go a disability pride route.

And these are just the issues around disability in this show, I have problems with the classism in this show, I have problems with the absolute ridiculousness of Mhok and Day's breakup and their reunion. MHOK APOLOGIZES, MHOK THANKS DAY FOR BREAKING UP WITH HIM, DAY DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BREAKING UP WITH MHOK OR BLOCKING HIM ON SOCIALS FOR THREE YEARS BECAUSE MHOK PITIED DAY ONE (1) TIME. I get not wanting to be pitied, I get it, but seriously it is so much less compelling to have Day just completely abandon Mhok after all of the positive experiences they've had together because he messed up once rather than reel himself back in and have an adult conversation about what happened and try to get back to a balanced state.

Anyway, fuck this show. I am so disappointed that this is Aof's last directed piece for who knows how long. He could have gone out with a bang after Moonlight Chicken and now I am just fucking thankful I won't have to see anything else from him for awhile.

[jackoshadows]

I have always felt that Benioff and Weiss replacing Jeyne Poole with Sansa on the show was when the writing for the Northern plot became extremely moronic and everything that happens there in seasons 6-8  totally careened the show off the tracks. And reading some of GRRM’s more recent interviews only confirms this for me.

This is D&D on why they made the change:

And it’s because of Turner’s strength, Benioff continued, that it made sense to give Sansa a dramatic storyline this season and to use Ramsay’s engagement for that very purpose. In fact, the showrunners first thought about putting Sansa and Ramsay together back when they were writing season 2. “We really wanted Sansa to play a major part this season,” Benioff said. “If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it used a character that’s not in the show.”

It’s very clear now that GRRM thinks the lack of fake Arya is the biggest change that took the show in a very different direction compared to the books. It’s interesting that when he refers to the butterfly effect slowly ballooning into a huge dragon effect he is referring to the lack of fake Arya in the north. Clearly this is important for GRRM because he has been talking about this from 2011 (to D&D) to as recently as 2022.

At a convention in 2013 GRRM said this: 

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

This was GRRM commenting in 2015 about the Sansa in Winterfell plot:

Let me reiterate what I have said before. How many children did Scarlett O'Hara have?  Three, in the novel.  One, in the movie.  None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.  

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one.  And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect.  Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes.  HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds. 

And yes, more and more, they differ.  Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose... but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place. In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey.  Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

This is GRRM in August 2022, before the premiere of HOTD (When he started getting more critical of D&D’s adaptation) when asked about whether HOTD was canon or not

It opens a very large area for discussion. And I’ve been asked about this by various other interviewers in various forms and interviews past. And I often respond with the question for the questioner how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have?

They (D&D) started making changes even as early as season one . And I remember I had discussions with them back in season one. When I was more involved in the process, when we’d discuss things and the fact that they removed Jeyne Poole was a very early thing.

They actually said, oh no, Jeyne Poole is in it. You see the girl that’s sitting next to Sansa in the one scene in the feast at Winterfell. Yes, that’s Jeyne Poole, but you never hear a name and she’s not in it, but I did tell them. ‘Yes, but there’s the butterfly effect’, as I called it, deriving from the famous Ray Bradbury story, A Sound of Thunder, crush a butterfly the Jurassic and suddenly you changed all of human history from that point forward.

Unintentionally. A little change in a long narrative can have big changes further on. And now, Gone with the Wind didn’t have to worry about that, cause those two children that they removed never had any impact on the story. And Margaret Mitchell didn’t go on to write 6 more novels in which the children grew up and became the leader of the Ku Klux Klan. Whatever the hell, you know, she might have done with those two boys.

And I think they were both boys, and Rhett’s daughter was a girl. So she didn’t have to deal with the butterfly effect there. You know, when we remove Jeyne Poole from season one, then you don’t have Jeyne Poole to be the fake Arya, as happens in the book. So what do you do then? The butterfly effect has done that.

There is then a discussion in there about how The Expanse was a far better adaptation (I agree!) because the book writers were actually in the writer’s room and involved in the process of combining characters and plots.  And then GRRM says this:

They (Expanse writers Ty and Daniel) would be in the writer’s room and the showrunner, who was not them, initially, would say, we’re gonna remove this person. And you know, Ty or Daniel would say, we could do that. But then when you get to season four, there’s gonna be a problem because you took that other thing.

The butterfly effect can have that, but getting back to the whole issue of canon, the butterfly effect affects the canon. But there’s also sometimes deliberate changes in a show where the showrunners or the writers or the studio, the network, or wherever it comes from, goes in a different direction. So what we’re doing at this point in the history of A Song of Ice and Fire, Game of Thrones, Westeros, whatever you wanna call it.

Yeah. We have two canons. We have the show canon, the Game of Thrones canon. And we have the Song of Ice and Fire canon. And in the book canon, obviously, still writing The Winds of Winter, I’m sure you all know that, and then there’s another book beyond that. And as I write them, and I’ve said this in a previous blog post, I always knew that things were gonna be different, but as I’m writing, as the stories are coming alive, and the characters are coming alive, taking me further and further away from the show.

So there’s gonna be some very considerable differences, and the book canon is gonna be quite different from the show canon as we get deeper into it.

So this is GRRM very clearly spelling it out that replacing Jeyne Poole or fake Arya with Sansa on the show has split wide open the book and the show canon with there being a GOT canon i.e what happened on the show and a book canon i.e the events with fake Arya in the North.

GRRM even mentions how the Jon Snow sequel is tricky because the show’s canon is now different to the books.

Their version of Euron Greyjoy is day and night from my version of Euron Greyjoy and similar changes. There are two different canons. Now, because most of these shows that we’re developing, almost all of them are prequels. I think it’s a single canon. Because all of these prequels can lead up to Game of Thrones at the beginning. The one that’s a little trickier is the Jon Snow show, cause that’s the only sequel. That being said, it’s a little tricky. It keeps me busy and I don’t know what’s gonna come, but we do have, as I say, a number of different shows in development, every one has a different showrunner.

This is why it simply makes no sense when people combine the show and the books when talking about these characters. When certain book plots and show plots are selectively chosen and combined to argue about this or that character’s endings. The one has nothing to do with the other.

As the author himself has made obviously clear, when D&D replaced Jeyne Poole with Sansa, the show split from book canon and became it’s own thing. Everything from that point forwards on the show is Game of Thrones and not A Song of Ice and Fire. To know what happens to book Arya, Jon, Dany, Sansa etc we need GRRM to finish the books with his characters and the story he is telling.

[robo-cryptid]

Do you consider yourself a Yeehan shipper? And if so, why? I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a relatively new shipper (started playing this year, and other Yeehan shippers directed me to your work), but I’ve seen some of your tweets and in many of them you seem to have more negative things to say about how they make you feel than positive. So I was curious to know your stance on them, and why you keep writing for them. (If this is too invasive, you don’t have to reply)

Also, I really enjoyed Ricochet. It sold the ship to me, basically (but now I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing)..

First off, I'm really glad you liked Ricochet! It's one of the fics I'm still really proud of, and I'm currently in a project with fanartist @showerwhoops and a friend who makes fandom light novels to make it printable with lots of gorgeous art. I mean, mostly I just love collabs and wanna support G's light novel-making hobby, but hopefully other people will find that exciting to know.

With regard to Yeehan, lol, I'm struggling to figure out how to answer this, especially without context for which tweets in particular. The simple answer is yeah, I'm a Yeehan shipper. I love them. I've said it before, but I basically trauma-bonded to them and can't let go. But also I love the themes of redemption and the various forms that can take, and people finding love not when they're young and fresh-faced but when they're jaded and have been through some shit, and seeing two people fight not only to make the world better but to make themselves better people together. I love all of that. It's delicious. I also love writing them as dumb himbos because why the heck not.

I've been in this fandom since 2018. I've written 70+ fics just for Yeehan (plus a few dozen others for the rest of Overwatch), and I'm still writing it. Of my last three art commissions, one was Hanzo and one was Yeehan. I started Yeehan Fic Rec Friday (@yeehanfrf) to help new people find good Yeehan recs sourced from the community, not just one person, and to lift up my fellow writers. All of this is on my twitter, and that's not even getting into all the fan events I've participated in, etc., before this year. So yeah, I'd say I'm a fan, lol.

Unless you're mistaking my shitposting and lovingly mocking the characters for meanness, maybe the negativity you're seeing is when I'm being critical of the fandom itself? In which case... you know, I'm going to take this as an opportunity. And it's gonna get kind of long, so let's go behind a cut.

I can only reiterate that I've been here since 2018. I've seen so much shit, and while some of it has come from "outsiders" (other shippers, people who are sick of Overwatch, etc.), plenty of it has come from my fellow Yeehans too. And while most of my frustration with the Yeehan fandom is on the level of, you know, family that you love but would like to shake some sense into, that doesn't change that it can be frustrating.

Here, an assuredly incomplete list of all the things I've experienced from other Yeehan fans:

I've seen people harassed outright for drawing/writing the "wrong" character bottoming. I've seen literally dozens of nonbinary and transmasc people misgendered and harassed for being "fujoshi" "fetishizinig mlm," because nothing says great justice like blending transphobia and misogyny to attack real people over fictional characters. I've been here for at least 10 different rounds of witch hunts for various fandom "crimes" like people shipping characters with a bad-idea-in-real-life age gap or power imbalance, or even just shipping the same character with multiple people.

I was here when Cassidy's animated short dropped and it took less than an hour to see hate posts about Ashe. And I was also here when fandom retconned the tale of those events to claim Yeehan fans only hate her because some of her fans are shitty, and it can't possibly under any circumstances be misogyny ever. (Which is not saying that some of her fans aren't shitty. It's just that some Yeehan fans are also shitty and in denial about it.)

I've been outright harassed for talking about fandom misogyny, no matter how kitten gentle and "Let's Have a Teaching Moment" I've been about it. I've been harassed for pointing out fandom racism. I've seen a friend get ostracized and harassed much worse for pointing out the same fandom racism and misogyny. And this is, of course, on top of actually seeing and reading racist portrayals of Hanzo and occasionally Cassidy, and seeing and reading constant misogyny (mostly over Ashe, but not exclusive to her) to remind me that men get to have greater interiority and receive more sympathy and get their flaws smoothed over in ways women never do, in fiction and in reality. But hey, don't point any of that out, because fandom is supposed to be a place for escapism, even if those things are making it difficult to escape, yourself! (And then of course I've seen people attacked really harshly over the kind of "they probably genuinely did not know better and it would have been an easy fix if someone just very kindly explained it to them instead of needing to publicly punish them" racism or misogyny.)

I've had someone hold a sustained, months-long campaign of just constantly shit-talking me and low-grade harassing me across multiple Discord servers, and recruiting their friends to do the same, all because I said, "Hey, you've been consistently rude and also triggered me this one time."

I've had anons in my inbox doing everything from demanding I write more to accusing me of pedophilia (or supporting it) for... I don't even know at this point, lol. Because that's a thing people do in fandoms, I guess.

Maybe because I'm prolific or maybe because I actually talk to anons or maybe because I have a follower count above the triple digits, a lot of people have treated me like I'm nothing but a content machine, not a person, which is something I've seen plenty of people do to other artists and writers across fandom. It's crummy. It makes me feel like I don't belong here if I'm not "producing," and even then I'm only tolerated for that, not for, like, my basic humanity (or being funny as hell imho). I've had people attack me over dumb jokes or act like I'm not a "real fan" for them (despite the aforementioned 70+ fics, like I guess those don't count if I make a joke about Cassidy being kind of a douche one time in his animated short).

And anything that's happened to me, I've seen happen to other people. Often worse, actually, because I get far fewer rude comments on my fanfic than several of my friends do, and nobody's misgendering me when they imply I'm a woman, even if they do sometimes erase my queerness.

On the scale of things that are mostly just annoying/stressful and not so much acts of aggression, fandom does this thing where it just freaks out (positive or negative) about something instantly, so I get spoiled on stuff if I don't see it within 15 minutes after it dropped? That's frustrating, especially if the reaction is largely negative, so I'm just, like, absorbing all these bad vibes before I ever get to see the thing for myself.

And then, you know, shipwars. Shipwars are obnoxious. They are exhausting. I do not have time for them. They are also unavoidable these days. Any time I go searching for content, there's someone shitting on Yeehan and someone else stirring the pot by replying to them, and frankly it's just tiresome from all sides. (Besides, I think if you're a fan of the juggernaut ship in a fandom, you've gotta chill and recognize people will find you annoying, then go comfort yourself with your near-daily fanarts and over 6,000 fics. This doesn't mean they're allowed to be absolutely garbage monsters and harass people. Like I'm not pretending Yeehan fans are the only people capable of sucking, lol. They aren't! Online harassment is shitty at all times! But if all they're saying is, "Why does Yeehan get so much attention? I hate it," you can just ignore them, mute them, block them, whatever you gotta do.)

In general, I'm often critical of fandom, especially my corner of it, mostly because I'm a social scientist by training so observing groups of people is what I do. Like genuinely, I enjoy holding the world around me under a microscope. But also in terms of reach and efficacy, I'm more interested in "cleaning up my own backyard," so to speak, than arguing with people who wouldn't listen to me anyway (Yeehan antis in this case, I guess). So when I turn the "negative" lens on, it's of course going to be aimed at the community I'm most embedded in. It doesn't mean people outside of Yeehan are better or worse people; they're just not the ones I'm exposed to constantly, lol.

But also, as many bad things as this sounds like, I've actually mostly enjoyed my time in this fandom. I've made a ton of friends here, people I adore and respect and am so, so grateful to have in my life. I've gotten to be part of some really cool projects. I've been lucky enough to experience the absolute joy of knowing people like something that I've made, of getting to make stuff for people, of people telling me I inspired them to make things. All of those are really special, wonderful things that places like fandom cultivate, and I love that part so much that it makes me feel gooey and self-conscious about trying to articulate it.

Anyway. I'm sure the actual question you asked got answered in the paragraphs above the cut, but just in case it didn't, it was nice to be able to just say all the things anyway. You're new here. I hope you enjoy all the fun parts and don't get bogged down by the crummy ones. Also you should definitely check out the @yeehanfrf rec lists if you haven't.

[ravenatural]

so I generally avoid posting anything relating to topics of common controversy just because I know the internet is full of folks waiting for the chance to misconstrue your words, and then use that as justification for harassment—and after this post I plan to continue more or less as I have been.

but I had a realization pertaining to the ‘how fiction affects reality’ argument. particularly, why the movie Jaws being ‘proof that fiction affects reality, therefore writing or reading fiction with x thing means you’re bad’ always bugged me.

You wanna know what it is?

Jaws affected reality NOT because it, somehow, actively changed peoples personalities or morals, but because it was a misrepresentation of facts.

People, rather than fact check a source of fiction—I assume largely in part to the fact that it wasn’t as easy as hopping on the internet at that point in time—took this at face value and reacted accordingly.

I think it’s pretty reasonable to say that the fact that Jaws is a movie that genuinely scared people played an active role in that, and it’s possible the movie being any other genre may have meant a different outcome.

All of this to say, Jaws had the perfect set up—completely on accident on the part of the guy who wrote it—to be anti-shark propaganda. The only reason I hesitate to call it actual propaganda, is because propaganda is, by many definitions, ON PURPOSE. I still bring it up, however, because the effect was widespread in a way that’s exactly what propaganda sets out to achieve.

Let me reiterate real quick that my point is that JAWS IS A FICTIONAL MISREPRESENTATION OF ESTABLISHED FACTS.

This is relevant to the conversation with the ‘fiction vs reality’ argument because it doesn’t even represent the same thing being affected here!

Jaws affected what people believed to be true, but it did not change who the viewers were as people, or their base morals. And, unfortunately, yes, this has come to cause active harm to sharks. This is not an excuse of actions, nor is it proof of anything except ‘when faced with the fear of a conceived threat, people tend to act in self defense’

( Also, once again, Jaws was never made with the intention of having the effect it did, or by someone who hated sharks. As it’s a piece of fiction, the idea was that people would just enjoy a movie while recognizing that’s it’s fiction and actually think critically on how true what they’re being presented is )

On the flipside, with the belief that fiction can affect you in a way that changes your very morals to the point you are actively committing crimes—any well adjusted person will be able to read fiction with ‘problematic’ content just fine and come out the other end with an OPINION on the CONTENT that does NOT affect their real life BELIEFS and ACTIONS ( This also applies to the people writing the content btw )

if someone reads a piece of fiction with murder and then goes out and kills someone, it’s not because the story had such a profound effect it changed their whole moral code and made them do it, it’s because they were already in a place where that was an action they were willing to take.

If people really were THAT affected by what they enjoy in fiction, you’d see a lot more active serial killers than has ever been historically recorded.

All of this being a really long way of saying that the Jaws effect was an extreme case that misrepresented facts in a way that affected people in how it played to their fears, in a time where fact checking was not as simple as googling the truth, and thus Jaws should not be used in an argument where strangers are trying to tell other strangers that they’re morally wrong for liking fiction that they recognize as containing content that appalls them in real life, but they find interesting to read about.

[novella-november]

If anyone is wondering why there is a rule of no NSFW content in the Novella November Tumblr Community, this is why.

Before the AI scandals of September, the other writing contest had a huge, huge scandal over years of predatory moderators grooming children in the forums, and the organization refused to take action to protect kids for months, and when they finally did take action, it was simply to nuke the entire forum system completely, cutting kids off from friends they had no other way of contacting.

If you take offense to "proshippers dni" in my main blog, idk what to tell you, except that people who support pedophilia in any way are not welcome in the community I am building, and that includes romanticizing CSA in romance fics and books.

There's a big difference between "horror" and "romance"

If you're writing horror based on your lived experiences, that's one thing.

...but if you're writing a *romance story* between an adult and a minor, I don't want you anywhere near me, or near any kids who want to take part in a writing challenge again.

Pedophiles and pedophilia supporters are not welcome in the Novella November challenge. This is not a scandalous or shocking rule.

"Horror stories where bad things happen"

is not the same as

"my otp is Hermione Granger x Severus Snape, here's my novel length fic chock full of real life pedophilia defense statements where I reiterate over and over again that 'age is just a number' , 'love has no age limit' and 'youre too mature for your age, you need someone who understands you, not these kids, you need an adult like me', etc".

How do I know that groomers use pedo fiction to groom minors into thinking relationships between 16 year olds and 40 year olds is normal and okay? How about *real life experience* with the matter.

You can sit there and cry all you want about "fiction is seperate from reality" but you forget that stories exist for a reason (otherwise we wouldn't tell them in the first place) and they influence people in real, meaningful ways, including in incredibly harmful ways that impact real people, and especially real victims of CSA, incest, and racism.

"thought crimes aren't real tho --" as soon as you decide to post your csa porn in a public space, let alone a fandom for children's media which is where I grew up encountering these works, its not a "thought" anymore, and depending on where you live, it is, in fact, a crime, even if you're defending it with "its a fictional child, not a real one".

TL;DR --

Novella November is meant to be a Nano alternative in *more* than just the Anti-AI aspect.

It is ALSO, firmly, an anti-pedophilia, anti-racism, anti-ableist community that is inclusive of all but those who wish to do harm.

If you're offended at my "no pedophilia" stance.... Good riddance and good bye.

A Summary of the allegations against Nanowrimo

A group of Rogue Writers have managed to assemble a list of the allegations that have come out against Nanowrimo in the last year, below.

PROTECT KIDS FROM NANOWRIMO

NaNoWriMo and its staff have recently come under fire for their numerous unethical and predatory practices. These include, though are not limited to:

Hostility and inaction after numerous members raised child grooming allegations against a volunteer moderator who was in charge of teens within the NaNoWriMo forums.

Headquarters took nearly 2 months to quietly remove the accused moderator's leadership powers, and over 5 months to remove their account… which they only did after this former moderator threatened to damage NaNoWriMo's contract with an affiliate.

Refusal to protect kids in the Young Writer’s Program from predators. Kids were instead bullied and silenced by the staff.

Ivan the Icy, a scavenger hunt game that featured a terrorist-styled “supervillain” (which they admitted was a mistake).

Local organizers (called MLs) not being background checked, yet required to host in-person events with kids present.

Harboring volunteer MLs who were reported as racist, homophobic, transphobic, and/or abusive.

Ignoring and silencing MLs who begged for help regarding serious issues within the volunteer program. This resulted in at least one participant suffering an event-related assault.

Inaction when MLs abused fellow MLs with bullying and ableist discrimination.

Promoting multiple Vanity Presses (predatory, scam-like publishers), including Inkitt, even after outside sources confirmed and announced they were predatory.

Solicitation via email for donations from kids in the Young Writer's Program.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Do you know of a school or classroom participating in NaNoWriMo through the Young Writers Program website? Please bring these issues to their attention.

If you donate to the NaNoWriMo organization, stop. There are plenty of other charitable organizations far more worthy of your monetary support.

Continue enjoying the November writing challenge WITHOUT the NaNoWriMo organization. Many authors and writing groups have written 50k words in 30 days without even being aware that the organization exists.

Please share this post.

[rancim]

7-16

I had spent a lot of time trying to figure out a new novel to read before going to sleep, because these days I’m trying to be better about consuming things that at the least I think will actively contribute to my development as a writer, rather than simply soaking in the pockets of internet ephemera that do nothing for me but present strange little tidbits of trivia to present to friends when I have nothing to talk about (did you know there’s a whole subreddit of pictures devoted to cars fucking dragons, I will say to a friend when I feel we are on the verge of emotional vulnerability).

I tried my best to follow my writing professor’s advice post-grad, and instead of trying to be published, simply thought about writing and formalism and what my writing meant and what my writing could be. This ended up with me reading a lot and saving the recommendations of books anthologized in the canon of small presses, big presses and everything in between. A random blogger I thought was pretty. A friend who mostly read things circumstantial to their own experience. Again, anything and everything.

And then I started to ask myself do I really like reading and writing or do I simply like the things that adhere to my particular personality? I would read critically lauded things and think ah, what a bore, but I’d read a thing with no press, no accolades, panned on goodreads or whatever and think ah, how interesting! How interesting! Read enough and everything starts to blur. I only delved then into the writers who appealed to me, be it because of emotional resonance or interesting story concepts or stylistic flair or more recently, what I’ve come upon, is the idea of compression. Just an ear towards rhythm, a story without a wasted word, where no single sentence felt redundant.

Now in my thirties I find myself less interested in the new and more invested in reading more and more of the writers that I’ve managed to vibe with during that wild, undisciplined time in my twenties, when I amassed books from used bookstores that sounded even vaguely interesting, whose first pages were read, set aside, now a drop in an ocean of a closet of which I do not open because all of those books tend to bum me out. Rather than venture into that closet for new things to read, I spent 2 hours googling what books the people I read like reading, because now again, to reiterate in my thirties, I guess I just want to see the people that affected the people that affected my life. I’m more interested in just my inner workings, my small circle of influences.

So in conclusion, rather than start anything new, I just ended up drifting in and out of the online sphere before downloading some novellas that George Saunders was into and then feeling sleepy, deciding to sleep without getting any real reading done. But then I had realized, oh no, did you do your writing quota? I’m trying to be better about writing too. Even boring things, even minutiae, I need to try to write something when I can’t get the lead out on the fiction front I’ve been trying to commit to, so yes, even the dumb act of trying to pick a book before bed, let’s write about that shall we?

I’m always worried about whether I’ve improved upon the self that I was a decade ago or whatever. Without a successful track record to cite, books published or awards won or what have you, it’s easy to think that maybe you’re just going in circles and you’ve plateaued skill-wise. I went onto my old blog that I ran in college, its prose feeling as if written by a completely different person, a Haruki Murakami wannabe without an ear for rhythm and intonation. I feel assured that for my lack of accomplishment, at the least I can say I approved. Here’s hoping that’s good enough to take to the grave.

[trektraveler]

Nightingale Chapter Thirteen: Broken Pieces and Jagged Edges

Summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage.

That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jensen x Reader, Jensen x You

Characters: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Genevieve Padalecki, Misha Collins, Reader

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Drowning, Fluff, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex

Chapter Thirteen: Broken Pieces and Jagged Edges

Word Count: 6966

Author’s Notes: This is a complete work of fiction about a real life person. The circumstances are totally made up and are in no way a commentary on the fantastic Jensen Ackles or his family.

This is also a unique reader insert story as I have given the reader a physical description including hair color, eye color and body type. Hopefully you can still lose yourself in the utter fantasy where Jensen is the hero and you are ripe for rescuing!

Additional Notes: The response to this story has been beyond my expectations! You guys have been the best! Thank you for continuing to read my work and encourage me, its kept my eye on the prize :)

Additional Additional Notes: I feel the need to reiterate that this is fiction and in no way is a reflection on real life people. Jensen's Ex Wife in this fic is not nice. Ex's are ex's for a reason and aside from physical appearance and name, the Danneel in this story bears no resemblance to the RLP. Fiction is just a place to lose yourself for a while, not a place to hurt people.

Series Masterlist

“Oh, so you’re alive! I thought maybe you wasted away, and your cat was eating the face off your decomposing body.”

“Hi Maddy,” you deadpanned, opening the door wide so she and the twins could enter your apartment. “Hi munchkins.”

“Hi Y/N,” chirped Casey, instantly running off to explore.

“Your cat eats faces?” Chrissy’s brow puckered with worry.

You reached down to pick him up and rest him on your hip, “I don’t have a cat. Your face and all your other body parts are safe here, buddy.”

“Well, it’s clean,” Maddy said as she peeled off her coat and gloves. “In a sad, divorced dad living in a motel room, kind of way.”

“Glad you approve.”

She cast a critical eye around the bare bones dwelling, “I wouldn’t go that far.”

You set Chrissy down so he could play with his sister who had discovered your stethoscope and blood pressure cuff in the bathroom cabinet. “What are you guys doing here? I thought you were going shopping?”

“We came to pick you up; you’re coming with us.”

“I’m not fit for public appearances.”

“Not looking like that, you’re not,” she agreed.

Your shadowed eyes looked away on a sigh and Maddy grabbed your hands. Coaxing you to look at her. When you did, she gave you a sad smile.

“Come on. Wash your face, change your clothes, and grab your coat. Let’s go stimulate the economy.”

It was just a few short days before Christmas and after seeing your pitiful apartment in person, Maddy insisted on decorating for the season. Hours later, you had hit every shop conceivable and put a hefty dent in your bank account. The twins conked out on your bed while you and Maddy put up your new tree in the corner of your living room.

Several strands of lights and a few ornaments made a hell of a difference. There were wreaths, stockings, garlands, and ribbons. It did have that fresh out of the box look, but it still warmed everything up to the point that it wasn’t so painfully vacant.

“I ran into him yesterday,” Maddy said, as she wrapped tinsel around the tree. “He looked like shit.”

You nodded, listening as you tried to focus, placing the glittering star shaped ornaments on the branches.

“He offered to help carry my groceries, like nothing had even happened!”

“He’s a good man.”

“I hate him, and I told him to get bent,” Maddy spat, pouring each of you a hefty serving of spiked eggnog.

You accepted the drink with an arched eyebrow.

“Alright, I didn’t, but I really wanted to. He deserves it!”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s hurting just as much as I am and hating him won’t fix it.”

Maddy took a large swallow of eggnog and added another shot of brandy for good measure. “He was going to ask about you. I could tell, it was written all over his face, but I bolted as soon as the elevator doors opened. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.”

“I appreciate your solidarity, but you don’t need to alienate yourself from your neighbors on my account.”

“How are you so balanced about this?

“I’m applying for sainthood,” you shrugged.

“We should be raging!” Maddy shook her fists for emphasis. “Drinking regrettable amounts of tequila and swearing off men while listening to Taylor Swift!”

“I don’t really like Taylor Swift.”

Maddy shook her head in despair, “You’re in worse shape than I thought.”

You plopped down on the couch, which immediately sagged sadly under your weight. “I don’t want to rage. There are so many things about this that don’t make sense. But at the end of the day, it comes down to trust. I’ve lost his trust, whether it was my fault or not.”

“It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

You drew your legs up under your backside to make room for Maddy to sit beside you. “Jensen’s been burned before by people who had an ulterior motive. People in that industry are inundated with it all the time. Everything is fake. Not to mention his cheating ex-wife.”

“You are not her,” Maddy insisted, sinking down on the vacant end of the couch. “He must know that.”

“I thought he did. Oh Maddy, you didn’t see the look in his eyes. He was devastated. He looked at me like I had betrayed him just like she did.”

You felt like crying as the familiar tightness started in your chest, squeezing your heart. But you’d spent so much of the past week in tears that you doubted you could produce another drop at this point. And you’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t. You needed to get on with it. You still had a life to live and that was why you invited Maddy and the kids over. Nothing like a kickass mom to kick your ass when you needed it.

“You did the right thing, Y/N. You did,” she nodded for emphasis. “Sacrificing your self-worth won’t cure his trust issues. It doesn’t work that way.”

“I know, I know,” you whispered. “But why does doing the right thing feel so shitty?”

“Because you’re in love with him.”

You nodded and Maddy suddenly yelped. Jumping to her feet while rubbing her ass cheek. A rusty spring was sticking up through the cushion she had been sitting on.

Maddy gave you a disgusted look, “New couch, first thing tomorrow.”

Jensen was at his parent’s house for exactly twenty-seven hours before he made his escape. Going home was always a balm for him. He reconnected with his family and could leave his public persona at the door. Not the case this year. There was paparazzi waiting for him at the Dallas airport, a few of them even followed him to his old neighborhood. They only retreated after they encountered the security enforced at the gated community.

He was greeted at the door by his mother and a pile of Amazon boxes. The gifts he’d ordered over the past few weeks, many of them for you.

“Sorry honey, I didn’t know which ones to get rid of.”

He felt so alone despite being surrounded by friends and family. It was as if their presence accentuated the one person who was glaringly absent. God, he missed you! The term heartbreak was literal, there was this ever-present ache right in the center of his chest. Sometimes it hurt to even breathe! Just a word or a glance, a commercial on tv, a song on the radio. Everything reminded him of you, and it hurt like hell.

After he’d had his fill of endless explanations and pitying looks, Jensen pulled a baseball cap down over his head and borrowed his brother’s truck. He wasn’t even sure where he was going until he saw the flickering neon sign advertising cold beer and bottomless wings. It was just the sort of hole in the wall Dean would have loved.

“What would Dean do?” Jensen muttered as he pulled into the parking lot.

He knew from previous experience that it was only a temporary solution, but it would do for the moment. The moment, turned into days. It wasn’t the alcohol that helped as much as the strange surroundings. He didn’t want to be home, any home he had felt wrong now because you weren’t there. It was like you’d taken that with you when you walked away from him that night. Or perhaps it never really existed. Like so many things about you… it simply wasn’t real.

It was Jensen’s last night in Texas. In the morning, he would head back to Vancouver where he could lose himself in his work. God, did he need something positive to focus on. Something besides himself! He’d spent the last three weeks as a permanent fixture at table number five and even he had to admit, a good drying out was in order.

“Buy a girl a drink?”

He was pulled from his brooding thoughts by a voice he hoped to never hear again. He didn’t even bother to look up.

“Buy it yourself, you’ve got plenty of my money to do so.”

She was just as he remembered. Her red hair was highlighted this time and longer. Probably those fancy extensions she liked so much. Tanned skin and pucker perfect lips. The living embodiment of the Hollywood standard.

Her dark chocolate eyes were expertly accentuated by smokey liner, yet they held no warmth. She smirked as she sat across from him and he wondered how in the hell he had ever been attracted to her.

“Leave.”

Danneel signaled to the bartender and sighed, “That’s no way to talk to your amicable ex. I thought we were on decent terms.”

“Yeah, I live my life and you crawl back to yours. Why are you here anyway? This place doesn’t even have Wi-Fi.”

“It’s not my usual style, but I was in town visiting a few friends and heard you were around. Thought I’d swing by and wish you a Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Jensen intoned. “Now get out.”

The bartender dropped off another pitcher of beer along with an extra pint glass. With deliberate movements, she poured herself a glass and topped of his. After a moment, she sighed. “I came to apologize.”

Jensen’s brow furrowed, as he watched her blood red manicured nails tap the side of the pint, “For what?”

“For everything. For how things ended between us, for the affair.” To his astonishment, tears pricked those cold eyes. “It was my fault, all of it. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I was hoping you could forgive me.”

He certainly wasn’t expecting that. Danneel wasn’t known for her humility. He used to see it as confidence and strength. Now it seemed arrogant.

“Seriously?”

“I am so sorry, babe. It was the biggest mistake of my life and…” she reached across the table and grasped his hand. “I regret it. Every day. If I could go back, I’d do so many things differently. I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

It was then that he saw the seams in her veneer. Danneel was an actress or had been at one time and after nearly a decade married to the woman, he knew her tells.

“I miss you. I’d like to become friends again.” She cocked her head and gave him a sultry look he knew well.

“You want to get back together.” Jensen breathed.

“It wasn’t all bad, was it? We can try again, get it right this time.”

Her foot gently nudging at his leg under the table, “We were good together, we could be again.”

He barked out a laugh. “You have got to be kidding me!”

Danneel never did react very gracefully to not getting her way. Her confidence slipped from her features, and she sneered.

“You arrogant son of a bitch! You’re turning me down? You? You’re an over-the-hill pretty boy who fell ass backwards into a leading role! You’ve got nothing without that show and as soon as it ends so will your so-called career.”

Suddenly, Jensen was thrown back into the exact same feelings he’d had when he walked in on her cheating on him. Back to every belittling conversation they’d had. Back to every snide remark she’d made in front of his friends and family. She cut him down in a million ways and he felt so low about himself that he never recognized it for what it was. Abuse, no matter how you sliced it.

You deserve to be loved. Completely and totally. Every day.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You got that right,” she spat.

For the first time since that awful gala, he felt you beside him. He was a stronger person and a better man for the time he spent with you. That relationship with you; no matter how brief, no matter how it ended, made him better. And he didn’t have to lose that just because he lost you.

“I deserve better.” He looked his ex-wife squarely in the eye for what he was sure would be the last time. “You cheated on me. You used me for my money and my connections. You never loved me, half the time you didn’t even fake it. And that’s on me for sticking around when I knew it wasn’t right. But I’ll be damned if I’m ever going back to that life again.”

Danneel was practically sputtering when Jensen got to his feet and pulled out a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet. “Drinks on me.”

He turned on his heel and walked away from her for the second time in his life. And this time, he knew it would stick.

It took you six more weeks to complete your internship at Vancouver General. After a final round of tests, McMillian put you back into your regular rotation as a doctor in the ER. Tony wanted to ease you into it, but as they were short staffed you were back up to your normal workload in short order.

You easily fell back into the rhythm of hospital life. The fast pace and variety of challenges in the ER kept you on your toes. Being a doctor again gave you a purpose. You helped people in measurable ways, and it felt good. Your days off were mostly spent with Maddy and the kids. Occasionally, you met up with Kimmy for coffee but aside from that you had no contact with anyone from your time with Jensen.

It was as distant as a dream, making you wonder at times if it had been real at all. It was in your dreams that you saw him. The nightmares with the little girls were not as frequent, probably because you made a point to exhaust yourself every day. But you did see Jensen. Green eyes crinkling as he smiled just for you. His hands wandering as your body arched to his touch. You dreamt of the cabin, of hot tubs and cowboy boots, Netflix marathons, and singing cheesy county songs. You hated going to sleep because waking up and finding yourself alone was a new kind of torture.

Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost had never lost the love of Jensen Ackles.

There were times when you wished you could just lose your memory all over again, at least then you wouldn’t have to live with knowing how good things could be. You could live in oblivion and maybe then you could get a little peace.

“Hey, Gabby!”

Your head shot up from your phone as the elevator doors opened, you still weren’t used to hearing people address you by that name. “Oh, hey Val. How’s the pathology lab treating you?”

“Brutal. I’ve got a stack of paperwork waiting for me after lunch plus that new guy in cardiology is on my ass for a blood panel he ordered less than an hour ago.”

“You’ll rise to the challenge.”

“Always do,” she smiled and hit the button for the cafeteria. “You know, I’ve got tickets to that Supernatural convention next weekend. My roommate can’t go, and I know how much you love that show.”

You kept your features schooled; this wasn’t the first time Val had tried to pump you for information on Jensen. After the TMZ article leaked, she was the first in line to try and get the real story from you. Most of your collogues were professional enough to not press you, especially at work, but Val was persistent. You never gave her an inch.

“I’ve got overnight shifts that weekend, but I’m sure you’ll find someone to take you up on your offer. It’s a popular show.”

“True. The convention sold out super quick this time… probably because people are wanting to hear Jensen talk about his wife.”

You frowned and couldn’t help from asking, “His wife?”

“Oh God… didn’t you hear? They got back together! The whole fandom is up in arms about it. She’s always been a little stand offish and was rude to fans back in the early days.” Val explained in that airy, gossipy way she had about her. “I doubt he’ll say anything about it, but maybe! You know, if he has a few drinks in him.”

The elevator doors opened, and Val stepped out, not waiting for your response. You stopped off at the locker room to change into your scrubs. Once you were alone, you opened your phone and against your better judgement, you found the story.

Jensen and Danneel Ackles spotted at local bar. Despite finalizing their divorce last year, the longtime love birds were seen getting cozy during the Supernatural star’s last trip home. Insiders say they are on track to recapture the romance as soon as the CW series wraps.

You stared at the picture of them, obviously taken from another table and not posed. They were leaning close, talking. It could have been a normal conversation, you supposed. It didn’t necessarily have to be romantic. You knew firsthand that the press didn’t operate with integrity. But given what Jensen told you about that marriage and how it ended, you couldn’t fathom why he would give her the time of day at all!

Your first instinct wasn’t jealousy, it was worry. God! Was he hurting so bad that he went back to her? Back to the woman who broke his heart and eroded his self-esteem? Your mind went through the rolodex of people you could ask about it. In the end, you came up blank. There was no way it wouldn’t get back to Jensen. He was so angry with you that it would likely push him even further into destructive behavior. You just had to hope that Jared and other good people around him would help keep him balanced.

It hurt to see him. Even a slightly blurry cell phone shot of the back of his head. You missed him terribly. Most days, you were good at leaving your personal life at the door. That was one of the blessings of your job; you could let it consume you completely and it just made you better at it. But today, it just stayed with you.

Unfortunately, your shift wasn’t a busy one. Not that you wanted people to be hurt, but what you wouldn’t give for a kid with a broken arm right about now!

“Doctor Baines,” one of the nurses came up and handed you a clipboard. “Exam room two, male aged fifty, chest pains.”

Your eyes darted over the papers as you made your way across the ER. All typical baseline information, weight, age, height and the name. You stopped in your tracks. Son of a bitch!

“And the hits just keep coming.”

Clif reclined on the exam bed. Despite already being stripped out of his street clothes and dressed in a flimsy hospital gown, he was planning his escape. “This is a damn waste of time.”

Jared clamped a hand down over Clif’s shoulder and forced him to stay put, “We are not going anywhere until the doctor takes a look at you.”

“I’m telling you, I’m fine,” Clif grunted as he shifted uncomfortably.

“Keeling over in the middle of the day is not fine. And chest pains are on the short list of things you don’t ignore.”

“Jared Padalecki, ever the voice of reason.”

The two men looked at you in complete surprise as you entered. Every inch the professional; starched white lab coat over navy blue scrubs, hair pulled back in a ponytail and your id clipped to your lapel.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Clif muttered while Jared rose from the cramped chair next to the bed.

“Y/N,” he pulled you into a quick hug.

“Good to see you too.” You gave a tight smile to your patient who glared in return. “So, what brings you in today, Mr. Kosterman.”

“No way in hell I am talking to you,” Clif grunted while a grimace of pain crossed his face. “Get my pants, Jarpad, we’re out of here!”

“Severe chest pain, shortness of breath, elevated blood pressure, sweating.” You tossed the clipboard on the foot of the bed. “There’s not a chance I’m going to let you walk out of here exhibiting symptoms like that. I know you hate me, Clif. And you don’t trust me, which is why I’ve called Doctor Evans for a consult.”

Clif frowned up at you, “Who the hell is Evans?”

“Chief Cardiologist.”

“Come on, man. Let Y/N check you over,” Jared begged.

Clif rolled his eyes but settled back with a grunt. “Have it your way, ya moose.”

It was amazing how agreeable people could be when they were scared and in pain. No matter your personal feelings towards him, you genuinely wanted him to be well. Tony McMillan had been right when he said healing was your calling. You couldn’t imagine denying help you knew you could provide.

Clif allowed you to conduct your examination and by the time Evans arrived, you had your diagnosis.

“Indigestion?! Are you kidding me?” Cliff bellowed at the two of you.

“The symptoms you experienced mimic those of a cardiac episode, but I have to agree with Doctor Baines’ assessment.” Evans was a mild-mannered man with the patience of a saint.

“Now, I would like to schedule you for a stress test just to rule out any potential for future attacks and start you on gastrointestinal friendly diet as soon as possible.”

The look of disgust on Clif’s face was comical. Low sodium, low fat, minimal red meat… a fate worse than death. You hid your smile as you headed for the door, “I’ll just go get your discharge papers started.”

“Hey, Nightingale.”

You turned your head and caught his grateful nod. For the first time, there wasn’t hostility in Clif’s eyes.

“Thanks.”

“Any time. Hard ass.”

Jared followed you out into the hallway, “Y/N, wait.”

You knew you weren’t off the hook that easily. “Just let me get that paperwork and you can take Clif home.”

Jared’s warm, hazel gaze met yours and he suddenly didn’t know what to say. A couple of months ago, he would have said he knew you well. That you were friends. Now, nothing felt certain.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “How have you been?”

“I’m well,” was your tight reply. “You? Gen and the kids?”

“Good! They’re good.”

You looked up at him and took pity. “Jared, why don’t you ask me what you really want to know?”

He hesitated for a second then blurted it out. “Do you still love him?”

The question rang out like a shot! The bluntness of it took your breath away. So much that you couldn’t even form the words. You crossed your arms over your middle and looked away.

“He still loves you, he never stopped.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “Jared…”

“I know he screwed up and I know things are a mess. He’s a mess! He’s an absolute wreck without you.” Jared appealed to you in earnest.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, unsure what else was left to say.

“Just… give him a call, talk to him.”

“He knows where I am, Jared. If he wanted to contact me, he could have done so at any time.” You couldn’t help the hint of temper that reared up. “I’m not in hiding. Nor am I changing my name and fleeing the country.”

It was Jared’s turn to glance away, “Yeah, I heard about that.”

“Why would you want to bring someone like me back into your best friend’s life? I’m a con artist, remember? I sold my story to the press for a quick buck and five minutes of fame.”

“No, you didn’t. You would never do that.”

“I wish Jensen had the same faith in me that you do.”

“He does! And as for the rest of it, there is a reasonable explanation. We just haven’t found it.”

You sighed heavily, “If he did, then he would be here talking to me, not you.”

“He was a fucking idiot to let you walk away that night, and he’s still an idiot.” Jared paused, “You never answered my question… Do you still love him?”

“Gabby?”

Your wide eyes went to the man coming up behind Jared. “Dave, hi. This is my friend, Jared.”

Jared’s expression cooled immediately as he took measure of the man shaking his hand. Good looking with a tall, wiry build. He was sporting a lab coat like yours and a pair of neon Nikes. Dave smiled and Jared tightened his grip just enough to earn a satisfying wince from the man.

“Wow! That’s some handshake buddy! Gabs, I just wanted to make sure we were still on for the Green Room tonight.”

You felt your face heat up, “Yes, of course. I’ll see you there.”

Dave grinned a mouthful of perfect veneers as he turned to leave. “Sounds good, babe.”

“You’re seeing someone?”

You hated yourself for squirming at the question. “Not exactly. He’s been asking me for a while and I… wait! Why am I explaining this to you? I’m a normal, single adult engaging in a normal adult social life. Just like Jensen is.”

“If you’re talking about Danneel, that wasn’t what it looked like.”

“Oh Jared, it doesn’t matter! What we had is gone now. And I can’t spend the rest of my life mourning it. At some point I’ve got to move on and so does he.”

Stubborn to the last, Jared pressed you again, “You didn’t answer…”

“Of course, I love him. How could I not?” Your voice cracked as you headed towards the nurse’s station, “I’ll get your paperwork.”

Jensen turned his coat collar up against the wind as he strode towards the Green Room Martini Lounge. In truth, it didn’t take much for Jared to convince him to seek you out. He’d pulled his phone out several times a day ever since he got back to Vancouver, his thumb hovering over your name. In the end, he just tortured himself by rereading your past texts and skimming through pictures.

He knew he fucked up and he had no idea how to fix it. He wasn’t even sure if you would want him to, and after the way he treated you, the last thing he wanted was to hurt you further. He wanted you to be happy, even if that meant you weren’t with him. His over-protective nature doubled down on his guilt and in the end, he knew you deserved better than him.

But when Jared told him that you still loved him, despite everything, he began to hope. Then he mentioned your upcoming date and that settled it. Jensen showered, shaved and booked it to the upscale club. It was close to your hospital, that was probably why the bastard picked it. If he cared to know you at all, he’d never take you there. You hated clubs, they were too loud and the crowded. You much preferred intimate conversations in private booths.

If this asshole booked a fucking booth, I’m going to lose it!

Jensen paid the cover fee and entered. It was dark and moody, with slim, green lights outlining the bar and tables. Hence the name, The Green Room. Heavy base music pumped out of the speakers and drowned out the sea of voices. It was absolutely packed, typical for a Friday night. He scanned the room and when he caught a glimpse of your hair shining in the dim light, his heart tripped.

You looked the same. Gorgeous. Your black sweater dress was off the shoulder and framed your delicate collarbones. You’d kept the blonde, it cascaded over your bare shoulders in waves and shone like a beacon. It was still too cold for bare legs, so where the short hem of your dress stopped, matching leggings took over and disappeared into boots.

Do you like my boots?

Jensen’s mind flashed briefly on you from the trip to the cabin. His determination cemented then. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to you, but he wasn’t leaving without you. That was just a fact.

His approach slowed as he saw a man come to your side. You turned your attention to him, and Jensen guessed that was your date.

Fucking Doctor Sexy… Dave. Whatever the fuck his name is. Slick son of a bitch!

You weren’t saying much but the look on your face could be called polite. And slightly pained. Dave’s hand was on yours, then suddenly disappeared lower while his other arm wrapped around you. Dave leaned close to your ear, and you squirmed, recoiling slightly from his touch. Jensen couldn’t hear what you said, but he saw it plain as day. No.

Dave was an absolute disaster. He had six shots before you even arrived to meet him, and he was all hands. Seriously! The man was like an octopus, as soon as you got rid of one hand there was another one right behind it! When he excused himself to the men’s room, you called for an Uber, determined to make your excuses as soon as he got back.

“Come on babe, don’t go! We’re just getting started…”

“Dave, I’m just not up to it.”

His hand found your hip and squeezed as he pinned you up against the bar. “Don’t be like that, let’s have some fun!”

“Stop it,” you commanded, trying to get him to release you. “Let me go.”

Dave coiled his arm around you and held you so tightly it pinched. “You are not going anywhere until we get to know each other properly.”

You felt panic skate up your spine. It was a busy night and no one else was really paying attention, certainly not enough to notice that you were having a problem. And despite being completely wasted, Dave was strong and persistent. You were going to have to do something drastic if you wanted to convince him you were serious.

“Let go!” You stomped his foot hard, hoping it would prompt him to release you. Instead, he grabbed your wrist and twisted it painfully back.

“You bitch!” He spat and for a split second you were worried he was actually going to hit you. How the hell did this night go so sideways?

“Hey!”

Suddenly, you were free and stumbled backwards while Dave was on the ground clutching his jaw. Stunned, your wide eyes looked straight into those familiar, bottle green ones. You knew that you were gaping at him like an idiot but was literally the last person you expected to see there. One minute you were at risk for a black eye on a first date the next you were completely safe. And you knew you would be, you always were with him.

Jensen worriedly searched your face, “Are you alright?”

“Fuck! You broke my fucking jaw!”

You came out of your shock all at once. Now keenly aware that the three of you had caused such a disruption that everyone in the club was watching, including the bouncers. There was no time to wonder about the implications of Jensen’s presence. Without a second thought, you grabbed your coat and Jensen’s hand. You pushed your way through the people and out the door. Leaving your date bellowing on the floor.

The Uber you had the foresight to order was waiting at the curb. Heedless of the chaos swirling around you, you climbed in the backseat with Jensen and left the club and crowd behind.

You weren’t saying anything, and Jensen wasn’t sure what to make of it. You didn’t seem angry or upset. You didn’t seem happy either. In fact, you weren’t even looking at him. You stared out the window, with your leather coat folded on your lap. When the car finally pulled up in front of your building, you said a quiet thank you to the driver and got out.

Jensen followed, hoping that you would at least give him five minutes to talk to you before you kicked his ass to the curb.

You silently unlocked the door and flipped on the lights. Jensen paused in the foyer; it was almost unrecognizable from the last time he had seen it. You painted the walls a deep green gray that both warmed and calmed. You had artwork, new furniture, a television, and entertainment center. Teak blinds offered privacy. It even smelled good, like vanilla and fresh linens. You’d made it a home and while he was pleased to know you weren’t living in a shoebox, he was worried by it. Why would you want to come home with him if you’d made a home here?

“Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll take a look at your hand.”

Jensen nodded as you disappeared into the bathroom. He sat on the sofa and found it comfortable. New as well. The whole apartment was inviting now, it didn’t feel sad or temporary. This was a place you’d want to stay.

When you came back, you’d removed your boots and had a first aid kit in your hands. You sat next to him on the couch and took his hand, examining the knuckles. Your touch was warm and reminiscent of better days spent together.

“Go ahead and wiggle your fingers for me.”

You watched the movements and tried not to be distracted by the freckles you saw scattered across his hand. Who knew you could miss something as tiny as freckles?

“Does that hurt?”

You hadn’t made eye contact with him until that moment and when you did, he was as struck as he was the first time. There was so much to say and yet no words seemed adequate.

“No.”

Satisfied, you took out alcohol swabs to clean the minor cuts and dabbed antibiotic ointment over them. You blew softly across his skin to dry it.

“Why were you at the club tonight?”

“For you.”

You placed a tiny bandage over the cut, again keeping your eyes on your work, “Why?”

“Jared, he ah… said he ran into at the hospital.”

“And he told you about my plans for the evening.” You looked up again, this time your eyes flashed with blue fire, hinting at temper bubbling under the surface. “You can keep your jealousy; I’ve had my fill of male posturing.”

“I wasn’t jealous!”

“I’ve been working at the same hospital and living in the same apartment for months. You made no move to contact me until I had a date and then you swoop in out of nowhere and punch him in the face! If that’s not jealousy, then what the hell is it?!”

“That’s me, dropping a douchebag who asked for it!”

“That’s me having the same poor judgement in men,” you grabbed the first aid kit and headed to the kitchen. “I hope your ego is satisfied because I don’t have any other dates scheduled.”

Jensen was hot on your heels, “Well next time try going out with a guy who knows the meaning of the word no!”

“Should I expect this kind of interference every time I attempt to have a personal life or only when you feel you have something to prove?”

“You’d rather I let that asshole assault you? You told him to stop, and he didn’t, I’m not going to apologize for stepping in. So, sweetheart if you wanna be pissed, then be pissed… cause I’d do it all again. In a heartbeat.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned fiercely. There was a time when that display of protectiveness would have made your heart swell. Tonight, it only served as a reminder of what had been lost.

You sighed as the fight drained out of you. You pulled down two glasses from the cupboard and filled each of them halfway with merlot.

“Is this what I can expect for the rest of my life? You show up once every few months to remind me of mistakes I didn’t know I was making and scare off any hope for normalcy?”

He took the glass you handed him. The pain he saw reflected in your eyes was just as raw as his own. He knew he was the cause and he hated himself for it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you here, Jensen?”

“I wasn’t going to come,” he confessed. “Not cause I didn’t want to, because God knows I’ve picked up my phone every damn day just to hear your voice. But I’m the one who destroyed everything. I hurt you so damn bad and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I have some things to tell you so if you aren’t ready to throw me out just yet, will you give me a minute?”

You nodded mutely and sat down at the small café table under the kitchen window. Your heart had been so heavy for so long that the weight of it seemed unbearable. Now with him here, you felt both hopeful and terrified. You sipped your wine and waited.

“You know when Clif showed me those files there was a part of me that had been expecting it. Because being with you was just too good to be true, there was no way it could last. I’ve never been that happy before, I didn’t know what to do with it. It was easier to believe that it had all been a lie.”

He huffed out a breath, “I ran into Danneel when I was home.”

“I know,” you softy replied, and his eyes widened. “There was an article.”

“Where would we be without those articles?” He wondered aloud, taking a large swallow of wine. “She found me licking my wounds in a dive bar, suggested we give it another go. Get it right this time.”

“Did you consider it?”

“Not for a second. I had this voice in my head telling me I deserved better and for the first time I believed it. That’s why I’m here, Y/N. I couldn’t let you go on with the rest of your life not knowing the difference you made in mine.”

“Being married to her, I wasn’t even sure real love existed, certainly not for me. But you came along and proved her wrong, proved me wrong. I’m not going to settle for anything less, never again. You saved me, Y/N. Even if you never forgive me, even if you don’t love me any more… I just had to thank you.

Tears gathered in your eyes and you swallowed, not sure if you could trust your own voice. To your surprise, Jensen knelt in front of you and took your hands in his.

“I am so sorry I hurt you. There is nothing I can say that will ever make it right. I just want you to know that I love you. I’m never gonna stop loving you. I’ll do anything to make you happy and if that means I’m not a part of your life, then so be it. I’ll sleep well at night knowing that I’m giving you what you want.”

He was saying everything you wanted to hear, yet your heart was breaking. This beautiful man was at your feet, pledging his undying love. What more could you ask for? What more could anyone want in life?

I must be out of my mind.

Jensen watched as you stood and walked a few paces, turning your back to him. He’d lost you; it was already too late. God, he was never going to forgive himself!

“What about Miranda Tyler? Or Stephanie Jacobs?” You stomach twisted just saying those names aloud. “Rachael Scott… I still don’t have any answers for you.”

He got to his feet and shrugged helplessly, “I don’t care.”

“I do! It blew my world apart and there’s probably more. I don’t want to live in fear that another name is going to crop up and send you packing!”

He stood there, tall and true as always. Awaiting your command.

“What do you want, Y/N?”

You wanted everything to go back to how it had been before. You wanted to be oblivious to the truth, what little you had of it. You wanted to run away with him to your cabin and stay there forever, safe from the people trying to tear the two of your apart. You wanted something that didn’t exist anymore.

Your blue gaze looked away and he had his answer. He reached out and swiped the tears from your cheeks with his thumb, just as he had so many times before.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. It’ll be alright.” He brushed a soft kiss over your forehead, “Goodbye.”

Jensen didn’t know where he found the strength to walk away from you, but love does crazy things to a man. He was prepared to gut himself to give you a peace that he would never know.

Just as he twisted the front doorknob and pulled, you slammed your hand against it.

“Stay.”

He stared at you; his heart laid bare, afraid to breathe. Praying to God he got a second chance he knew he didn’t deserve.

“Please stay. I want you to stay.”

You blinked back the tears and framed his face in your hands. “You. I want you. I want you…”

His mouth crashed down on yours and silenced any further confessions. You gasped as he groaned, hurried hands striping each other bare. Desperate longing. Needy passion, broken pieces, and jagged edges. Everything melded together and in the hours that followed the two of you found each other again. Your bodies conveying the truth where your words had failed.

You each gave what the other wanted, tomorrow would come the problem of how to keep it.

[briarrolfe]

I’ve been trying to find a way of managing content warnings that I can make peace with. A lot of people on Tumblr content warn for things simply because they’ve seen other people content warn for those things, or they’ve seen one PSA post about it five years ago. Thoughtless warnings aren’t really warnings at all.

I’m going to have a lot of thoughts about different things people trigger tag for and the reasons why below the cut.

I’ve come down to: like the poet above points out, we should not use content warnings for discussing real-world atrocities happening to real people. I will never “cw: death” for talking about genocide. It’s a form of censorship! The people who are dying and whose families are dying deserve more than a warning to look away from horrors that they can never look away from themselves. Likewise, if I’m sharing information about another Aboriginal death in custody in Australia, then the worst thing I could do is say anything that might obstruct the sharing of that information. If the family of the deceased want people talking about it, then it’s my duty to respect them first.

In more personal contexts, I won’t tag talking about my period as “cw: period” because, as alienating as having a period is for me, it will never be as alienating as the idea that me being open about having a period is somehow traumatic for other people.

Fiction works differently. Content warnings, added to a text, kind of serve as an additional lens the reader is supposed to read the text through. That means content warnings can propagate authorial and societal biases the same way that any text can. Here’s an example:

There’s a lot of content warnings out there about trans bodies, especially on Tumblr and AO3. If you ask people why they do this, they would say it’s for the purpose of ‘protecting’ trans people (almost always transmasc people, though, which is its own kind of red flag). They are protecting us by warning us about… our own body parts, our own bodily functions, and our own words for those things. I have seen so many fanfics that start with some variation of ‘Please be aware that this character is trans and the word used for his genitalia is pussy. Readers are advised to use their discretion, stay safe out there!” And really, who is it for? All it does is emphasise to both us and to cis observers that our genitals are triggering/dangerous/non-normative. It reiterates that there is no safe way of viewing our bodies. They might as well say, “content warning: trans person.” If fan authors normalise warning their readers in advance of all the really bold euphemisms for cis genitals, I’m happy to retract my position on this. I’m never going to be upset to see the word cunt the way I’ll be upset to see the words turgid rod or glistening flower.

I got a couple of people to do sensitivity reads very early on of my graphic novel script, because that’s what you’re meant to do. Because it was a script and didn’t come with a cover or a blurb or a marketing campaign I provided dot points on the first page of the content and the themes to be aware of—it’s set during the marriage equality debate, it’s about homophobia, transphobia, and a character with a vocally unaccepting family. One of my sensitivity readers advised that I put this list at the start of the finished book so that my future readers could skip the sections with homophobia in them. I sort of nodded at the time, but afterwards I realised… the whole graphic novel is ABOUT queer people getting on with life despite the everyday background radiation of hate. Letting people avoid the homophobia would take the story out of my book, since its message is: you can’t avoid homophobia, so you need to build your community. That’s The Point. In real life, queers never get to choose not to experience homophobia. When we stop talking about it, we can’t fight back. You won’t believe how many people reblogged my trans day of remembrance art with “death mention” “cw death,” etc. Us finding it upsetting doesn’t stop trans women of colour being murdered, it just stops us remembering them.

That all said; I do think there’s a place for content warnings. After repeatedly saying I didn’t have the expertise to organise or run a sexual assault awareness workshop for a work event, I had a panic attack at my desk. I realised that my reluctance to run the event was because I had been sexually assaulted, a thing I had never really admitted to myself; being in prolonged contact with sexual assault information had forced me to have this realisation and to process it… all in front of my unsympathetic manager. If people are expected to discuss traumatic events to pass their classes, to run an event for their job, to sign off on having completed a training—that’s when it’s courteous to have the content warning. “Just a heads up, we’ll be talking about sexual assault when we get back after lunch.” “Next week’s lecture will be on racialised violence, if you want the notes in advance so you can prepare then I can provide them.” It means that people can come prepared or not come at all, instead of having to try and clamp down on their physical and emotional responses or, if they fail that, to disclose their experiences in order to justify their response. A reader has the free will to stop reading a book or stop watching a movie or stop playing a game—but someone who has to be present for capitalism reasons doesn’t have that choice.

For my fanfiction, I do still put ‘content notes’ in my author’s notes for things that I know the blurb might not prepare the reader for. It’s very much the convention on AO3. But I do try to be intentional with what I warn for—‘unreality as theme,’ for example, or ‘opioid use,’ ‘animal death,’ etc. I don’t warn for the presence of sex generally, or for the presence of trans people ever. But I think it’s important to provide notes on content rather than as a warning, or to pre-establish its potential to trigger. It’s a heads up, not a judgement call on the dangerousness of the material itself. Partially this is because I know people don’t always read fanfic in their best ever headspace, and partially it’s to provide an alternative example for how to handle stuff like this. I’m experimenting with putting these warnings behind a drop down menu so that only the readers who want to find that information can find it.

I think community resources like book reviews and Does The Dog Die are more effective for avoiding certain elements in stories than relying on content warnings on the work itself. Storytellers are not really good at promoting the reasons why people shouldn’t engage with our work.

Sara Abou Rashed, “Against Content Warnings”

[thevindicativevordan]

Why isn't Nightwing a bigger deal? He has all of Batman's skills and Superman's faith in humanity and is arguably the most beloved hero in the DCU, but most people seem to know him either as the leader of the N̶o̶t̶ ̶J̶L̶ Teen Ttians or just Robin.

Thank you for asking me about Nightwing, I've been wanting to write a piece about him for a while now. The short version is that everyone who claims Dick becoming Nightwing was him "moving out of Batman's shadow and becoming his own man" is completely wrong.

Dick Grayson is a fantastic character, someone who saved Bruce Wayne in-universe both by forcing Batman to grow up a bit, and the countless times he saved Batman's life as his partner whether as Robin or Nightwing. Dick saved Batman in the real world as well, hard to believe but Batman was actually in danger of being cancelled due to poor sales early on. Enter Robin, a young daredevil audience stand in the creators hoped would get kids interested in reading Batman. And it worked! Sales on Batman doubled once Robin showed up which is crazy to think about, but Dick Grayson has always been a popular character. Cartoons like Teen Titans, Batman: The Animated Series, and The Batman only helped grow his audience.

Character-wise, Dick Grayson really does fill a number of crucial roles in the DCU. For Batman, Dick is proof that Batman is a positive force. Meeting Batman helped change Dick for the better, helped him heal after his parents died. With Dick, Batman can take comfort in knowing that yes, he has made a difference in the world for at least one orphan boy, which is all he wanted when he lost his parents himself. To the wider DCU, Dick is a friendly face who convinces others that Batman is competent and not a complete asshole. He took this kid in, trained him to be one of the best heroes the DCU has seen, and did it all out of the kindness of his heart. That someone like Dick can confront the evils of Gotham and not break means there's still hope for that city. As Robin, Dick has led the Titans and is an icon in his own right as The Sidekick, the original, the one every other Robin is built around copying or contrasting. The one all other superhero sidekicks are drawing on as a basis. As Robin Dick Grayson is very much on Batman's level.

Just not as Nightwing. As Nightwing, Dick has been a second rate Daredevil which means he's a third rate Batman (fully prepared to get hate for this but I've read and enjoyed the Miller and Bendis DD runs so I feel entitled to my opinion). A typical Nightwing run tends to go like this: Moving to Bludhaven (which is Gotham... but WORSE!), Dick Grayson usually enrolls in a pointless job we don't care about in order to provide some meaningless soap opera drama that doesn't go anywhere. Patrolling the city as Nightwing, he fights a variety of bad guys who are usually rather lame and unthreatening, with his big bad being a Kingpin knockoff called Blockbuster. Villains are fought, long running plotlines are set up, then everything is abandoned because it's Batfamily event time, and Dick has to run back to Gotham in order to play sidekick again. Usually his involvement is completely superfluous and it would've been better if the writer had gotten to opt out. By the time we finally get back to Nightwing's solo plotlines, the audience has usually ceased to care and the run gets cut short.

That's how Nightwing has been since the New 52 at least. Anyone who thinks that's "becoming their own man" is out of their mind. Dick is so thoroughly in Batman's shadow that he got shot in the head and spent a longer time as "Ric" which everyone fucking hated and sold like shit, than he did as Agent Grayson which was extremely well-received. Reiterating: Ric went on longer than Grayson because of a fucking Batman plotpoint Tom King wanted where Bruce was sad and cut off from the Batfamily because of Dick getting shot. Not just calling out King either, how many times was Kyle Higgins Nightwing run derailed because of Scott Snyder's crossovers? Or how about that entire run getting dumped to the side because Johns wanted to out Dick during Forever Evil, a Justice League/Lex Luthor story? DC has repeatedly made their contempt for Nightwing clear, he's Batman's sidekick still in their eyes, and he serves whatever story role the Batman writer wants.

Hell his best stories tend to have been the ones where he's not Nightwing. He was Robin in a good chunk of the Wolfman/Perez New Teen Titans run. Morrison really showcased his depth as a character when they wrote him as Batman, their time with Dick under the cowl was actually one of the first Batman runs I ever read, and no Nightwing run has ever matched it in terms of quality in my humble opinion. Scott Snyder's work with DickBats also was a high point for the character, showing Dick as competent and examining his relationship with Gotham and the Gordons. King and Seeley gave him one of the best comic runs with Grayson, a series where he wasn't even a "superhero" technically! When it comes to actual pre-New 52 Nightwing runs that are highly recommended where he *is* Nightwing, there's Chuck Dixon and uhhhhhhh... Tomasi's brief run before Dick became Batman? It's not exactly an overwhelming list.

Look there has been good work done with Nightwing, I'm not claiming there hasn't been. Tim Seeley wrote a great run with Nightwing Rebirth. Seeley fleshed out Dick's Rogues Gallery with cool new ones like Raptor, he brought back old foes like Dr. Hurt (why oh why couldn't you have brought back Flamingo too?), he gave Dick's world some character it solely needed. Bludhaven under Seeley is pretty much the only time I've really felt like it lived up to being Dick's city.

The problem with fictional cities is you have to put in the work to give them the character of real cities. You have to make the cities feel like characters in their own right. Gotham is the best example of this, it's a character all it's own, one that tells you a lot about Batman and his cast. In contrast Bludhaven is usually one of the worst. Any place that wants to claim to be worse than the city that is built over the gate to hell and gets wrecked every other month by the Arkham freaks has to really put in the work to compete. Simply put, Bludhaven typically fails utterly. There's nothing about it that makes you really buy it's worse than Gotham, I mean does anyone really think Nightwing's Rogues wouldn't get their lunches eaten by Batman's? No, no one genuinely buys that. When Bludhaven claims to be worse, it just comes across as tryhard, an attribute that does end up telling you about Nightwing in unintentional ways.

So Seeley didn't do that. Instead he created a city built for a hero like Dick Grayson. Someone who is bright and flashy, but does have an element of darkness to him. Someone who loves the spotlight, but often uses it to obscure. Seeley turned Bludhaven into Las Vegas, and that was the fucking best concept for Bludhaven I have ever seen, it makes so much sense. Las Vegas is the "Entertainment Capital of the World" and isn't that the perfect city for a hero who got their start working in the circus? Isn't the aesthetics of the gleaming casinos, the glamorous sex appeal of the performers, and the spectacle of the shows, all being used to cover up the seediness of mob bosses meeting backstage perfect for Nightwing? It's so utterly unlike New York City, yet Las Vegas is still dangerous, it's got a crime culture all it's own. Seeley used it to great effect, as did Humphries during his brief run, and I will always be pissed that DC didn't continue to use it. That should have stuck around and been the definitive look for Bludhaven.

How Seeley's take on Bludhaven was treated feels like a small scale version of how Nightwing in general gets treated. Whenever creators pitched ideas for him, if editorial thought there was potential to break big, they asked for those ideas to be repurposed for Batman instead. Anything big or good gets repurposed for Batman or tossed to the side so Nightwing can go back to his default: having irrelevant adventures in a city that is supposedly worse than Gotham but can't live up to it. Just like how Nightwing is supposedly better than Batman but never gets to show it. Goddamn it's so frustrating seeing his potential get wasted like that.

The Nightwing book should be one of DC's most ambitious books in terms of storytelling. You can go from traditional superhero stories, to romantic soap opera, to spy stories, to crime noir, to horror, to cosmic adventures, and ALL of them would fit because Nightwing is someone who has a foot in both Gotham and Metropolis. He's got friends everywhere on every team, and has been a hero longer than most Leaguers have at this point. No reason DC should still be afraid to let him loose and insisting on hewing close to what Dixon established almost over 30 years ago is only holding him back. At the very least get him some better Rogues, why the hell didn't he get to keep Professor Pyg? That's Dick's villain not Bruce's! Bullshit that they didn't let Dick keep him. Hopefully Flamingo comes back, with a slight revamp I think he'd make a great reoccurring Nightwing Rogue.

Luckily it does look somewhat like Nightwing fans have reason to be optimistic. While Taylor isn't to my taste, DC clearly views him as a "big" writer, and that they put him on Nightwing says a lot. Taylor has been selling well so far, so hopefully he gets to tell his story, hilarious that even he lampshaded having to write Dick running over to Gotham for another tie-in after Taylor's big opening arc was all about Dick committing himself and his money to Bludhaven. Scott Snyder is apparently working on a Black Label Nightwing book which will explore how he's a different detective than Bruce. The Gotham Knights video game has him as one of the main stars, and while Titans is... controversial, it's one of the most popular streaming shows and Dick is the main character. There's a lot of content coming that features him in the starring role, and that will only help his star rise further.

For the first time in, well, ever it feels like DC may be serious about elevating him. Time will tell if it pays off, but I for one choose to be optimistic that the 2020s will be a turning point for Dick Grayson where Nightwing becomes hugely popular in his own right. Not just as Batman's sidekick.

[lemony-ship-it]

Ngl I'm really new here to this fandom but not to shipping in general. As one other commenter said, I was very wary of a non-shipper in a shipping space because of what behavior I've seen some individuals partake in. However, you've shown remarkable empathy and noteworthy maturity that I feel like others on the piss-on-the-poor website need to emulate more often. What's the point in fighting over fictional concepts anyways?

I don't know a whole bunch about the fandom admittedly, but I do know about some of the psychology behind fiction. In the post, you reference writing about abusive situations being a means to cope with stuff. Catharsis is definitely a big reason for some people in the fandom to engage with stuff like that, but it's also important to note that many others are for it because it makes their brains go brrrrrrr (that's me!) It's like playing with conceptual dolls as a way to have fun and explore the imagination as you said. However, one thing I'd like to mention is when you're exposed to fictional depictions of abuse, you're much more likely to be able to identify and avoid abusive situations yourself instead of becoming desensitized. Niw, there is a chance that you can become desentitized to it in other media like, "oh great, another sacrificial lottery here? How original," but it doesn't transfer that significantly into our everyday lives. There's a degree of separation when we're talking about abuse/violence depicted in media versus abuse/violence in real life.

This next bit is coming from my own experience so it may not be universal, but it does tie into the last point, I promise. When I was in college the first time, my program had us go to the courthouse to help with a training event for first responders to see how quickly and efficiently they responded to a simulated emergency. I'd like to note that I am an avid lover of horror (and a very reluctant viewer of my mom's cop shows) and nothing within any of those shows had ever bothered me before. Well, minus the racism, ableism, and stereotyping that some of them do, but that's a different post entirely. Everyone gathered together in one of the courtrooms, and some of the other volunteers came around to see who wanted to play dead. One of my classmates was chosen for that position among about 6 or 7 others.

Let me tell you, it's all easy-going chatter about how silly this is until you hear the gunshots.

Suddenly, this was a real thing. It felt like my life was in immediate danger as about 20 of us hunkered down in a back closet while the situation was being handled. After awhile, they led us out of the building, hands raised, walking so fast my legs could barely keep up, passing "corpses" and spent blank casings. I saw my classmate- my friend- laid at the bottom of the stairs with a litter of casings around her and had to fight not to panic.

I'd like to reiterate, nobody at any point was in danger and my classmate was perfectly fine. Heck, we got a free meal out of it for our troubles and some blanks that we took off the floor when the staff members weren't looking. But being thrust into a situation like that was entirely different from seeing it through the lens of "just another overblown episode of Law and Order." Real life has real consequences, even if the stakes are in the basement. Real life affects people much differently than fiction does. I still enjoy horror very much (Mr. Ballen is casual viewing for me!) and I don't mind seeing gun violence in fictional settings, but that image of my classmate is burned in my memory, still smoldering from when it first happened.

Phew, thanks for hanging with me on that possibly too personal rant of my own! Getting back on track here, I'd once again like to thank you for making such great points throughout this "soapbox rant," as you called it. More people should adopt a similarly respectful mentality when talking about fandoms, ships, really any bit of media that they don't personally like but others do. Why spend your precious time on things you don't like?

Discussing Valduggery and how it reflects disagreements in generalized fandom shipping ethics (I wrote this on a dare, thanks @vividvermilion)

Gonna preface this by saying that I do not ship Valduggery, nor do I necessarily approve of other people shipping it. I think that there’s some legitimately fascinating discussions that could be had surrounding it though, but any sort of nuance usually gets flattened and it’s pretty disappointing. So this essay is gonna sound a lot like me defending the ship, I’m not, but I was thinking about it.

Like I said earlier, nuance often gets cut out of the conversation, likely due to a variety of factors. One would be a knee-jerk disgust towards it (which I’m not saying is inherently bad) and another is probably that people really, really do not want their fandom to be known as the one that defends a borderline pedophilic ship (I say borderline because I’ve only ever seen Valdug stuff set when Valkyrie is an adult, but I’m also only on Tumblr and have no idea what’s going on in other forums). Again, not a bad thing to want, but outside social pressure is how a lot general fandom policing takes hold, which then makes the fandom more of a toxic space.

Now, this fandom in particular is pretty relaxed and I appreciate that, but getting into fights, bullying others over their ships, and just generally spreading vitriol against your fellow media enjoyers is never ok and it makes the fandom spaces so much less enjoyable for everybody. And since so many people on social media feel the need to insert themselves into everything regardless of whether or not they enjoy it, it’s always a good reminder that if you dislike or disapprove of something, keep your mouth shut and block it (I know this is a pretty general thing taught on Tumblr, but I’m still going to reinforce it here). This also means that experiencing some form of shaming from someone outside the fandom is very much within possibility, but the people who do that are stupid and you should internalize the idea that you shouldn’t take that seriously.

I’m also gonna point out, no matter how already-talked-about this point is, that none of these people are real people, or even based on real people. These guys are about as fictional as you are ever going to get. It’s a fair thing to point out that allowing yourself to become accustomed to this particular flavour of fictional abuse can allow you to become more accepting of it in real life, and that might be vaguely correct (don’t quote me on this, I’m not a psychologist), but the thing is is that if that were true, than that standard would have to be enforced on all types of fictional abuse.

And here is where I discuss the big double standard of abuse in fandom spaces. I’m gonna have to use some other fandoms as a reference for this, and I’m dead certain that everyone reading this can come up with a few of their own as well. Abuse is depicted in media pretty often, which means that the people who consume it are then desensitized to it (to a degree). But since some flavours of abuse are shown, discussed, and joked about more often, this leads to a sort of fandom dichotomy between “acceptable abuse”, which is abuse that is allowed to be drawn, enjoyed, and romanticized, as opposed to “bad” abuse, which will get you demonized for enjoying and sometimes even depicting. If any of you have seen Gravity Falls trending recently, Billford (the reason it’s trending) is an abusive ship, but it’s considered “acceptable” abuse. Bad abuse usually involves sexual assualt or pedophilia (and often other topics as well). It’s all abuse, but the fact that some forms of abuse will get you harassed and threatened while other forms are extremely popular signals to me that some amount of discussion regarding double-standards and basic self-control should probably be had in general fandom spaces.

Because if we were to enforce the idea that all types of abuse (romantic or otherwise) are Very Bad™️ and need to be demonized, none of us are actually allowed to enjoy Skulduggery Pleasant because it’s a series about a child soldier and the four-hundred-year-old guy she has a toxic codependency with. Again, I do not ship them romantically at all, but I really do enjoy thinking about and analyzing fucked up dynamics, so I’d much prefer to be able to enjoy this series without being shamed for it (and wish to extend that courtesy to others because if there’s anything I hate, it’s being a hypocrite).

But going back to shipping, shipping something abusive or generally fucked up (such as Valduggery) is not the same as endorsing it, even if the person does enjoy it. Enjoying/appreciating is not endorsing either. In fact, writing or depicting something that’s already messed up in the canon can be a creative way to analyze and then extend that abuse, which gives fans more food for thought and gives writers and artists good practice thinking about social implications.

For example, there’s probably an unholy number of variations of Valduggery ships (I’ve seen two here on Tumblr but I’d be shocked if there’s not more) due to there being so many variations of both Skulduggery and Valkyrie (four each, I believe). Each of these pairings have a slightly different dynamic and writing about those different dynamics is interesting! I have fun thinking about the different possible dynamics between the duos (hello, every SP au I have ever made) and doing that same analyzing but in a romantic sense isn’t inherently evil (sometimes it’s really funny). Fandoms are supposed to be places for creative self-expression, and policing what people are allowed to do with themselves (while also enforcing a double standard) isn’t good.

On a more general note and not necessarily tying into the SP fandom, sometimes people write or draw toxic ships (or other things that aren’t necessarily ships) as a way to work through and express trauma or other negative emotions. And these people don’t deserve to be harassed for doing that (again, self-expression). They also don’t have to defend themselves to you or specifically state that they’re doing what they’re doing to help themselves handle trauma, because that’s on par with asking for the medical history of a trans or disabled person and is a fucked up thing to do. Not that I’m blaming this fandom in particular for doing that, you guys are great. This is just my general ranting about fandom spaces with my limited experience handling fandom (especially toxic fandom).

Now, as I said earlier, I actually don’t interact with the SP fandom outside of Tumblr, so I could be wildly mischaracterizing Valduggery shippers in other spaces at the moment (I’ve heard horror stories about AO3 but I’m not on there so I have no opinions of my own). Intentionally making light of abuse is always bad, but again, please do not harass your fellow fans.

This was a REALLY long post and I’m sorry for bringing up something that I know is a bit of a touchy subject for this fandom. This idea started out as a lot more specifically about Valduggery but then I decided that so much I wanted to talk about regarding the ship is a trend reflected across nearly all fandoms, so I ended up talking in much more general terms.

If anyone has literally any thoughts please share them, because I’m slightly in disbelief that I actually wrote this out about this subject. I also want to know if I missed any important factors while writing this because I hate doing that. Thank you all for reading my soapbox rant.

[monipoka]

Addressing Content Warning Concerns

I am writing in response to points that were brought up concerning my recent post. If you haven’t read that post, you can find it here.

Be warned that this is a very long post (2.8k words). It deals with the topics of pedophilia and rape. Opinions expressed are my own; however, I do offer some resources for you to better educate yourself on this post’s content.

I will not provide a link to the user that responded as she had no ill intentions. Disclaimer if the said user reads this post, I write with peace and love at 4:00 A.M. There are a couple of places where I may sound aggressive or petty, but it is analytical and not meant to invalidate you or your opinions.

Red = user’s response with minimal changes (adjusted for grammar and clarification)

Black = my response

Part 1: Age Regression and Infantilization

To learn more about age regression, here are two lovely articles describing what age regression means medically and socially.

“Age regression [agere] is a form of coping meant to eliminate stress in potentially triggering situations. Agere is not a part of sexual play and never should be. I believe [Moni] is confusing agere for age play.”

This completely misses the mark. I understand that age regressors enter a younger psychological state often as a coping mechanism. There is nothing inherently wrong with age regression as therapy. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING age regression. As stated in my post, age regressors enter the mindset of a child commonly called a “little space.” These individuals are to be treated like children as it helps them feel safe and loved.

In my experience on Tumblr, writers commonly misinterpret Daddy Dominant, Little Girl (DDLG) or Age Play (the larger, umbrella term) for age regression. For the purposes of explanation, I am going to be using DDLG and she/her pronouns. DDLG is a type of BDSM relationship where the dominant partner (male) takes on the role of a care-giver while the submissive partner (female) takes on the role of a child. This dynamic is pretend and intended for sexual interactions. Keyword here: pretend. While the submissive portrays childish behavior, she still has an adult mindset; therefore, she can give meaningful consent. Once writers describe the submissive slipping into “little space,” her mindset is corrupt as she has age regressed; therefore, she cannot give meaningful consent making the interaction non-consensual as she embodies a child.

“Infantilization is treating somebody as if they’re a child. For example, ‘babying’ someone is the best explanation for it. This, in my opinion, is not pedophilia because it’s not inherently sexual. If it IS sexual, I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as pedophilic, but it is questionable.”

Again, this misses the mark. In a non-sexual context, infantilization is completely okay. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING the infantilization of characters. I used this term as an alternative language to age regression because I have encountered both on this site.

“Age Play, in my opinion, is pedophilic due to how the 'older’ of the partners is benefitting from it. So if [Moni] and I are thinking the same thing, but not really using the same terminology, then I agree.”

Age Play is a kink in the BDSM community between two consenting and level-headed adults.

Age Regression is characterized by regressing back to a younger headspace.

Sexualizing age regression is pedophilic because age regressors feel, act, and exhibit childlike qualities; they genuinely believe that they are a child.

If age play includes “little space,” then it is pedophilic because the submissive has age regressed.

“None of these is what I would consider illegal due to the fact that both parties are consenting adults. But age play definitely is pedophilic. But, obviously, if both people are adults, it can’t be considered illegal.”

I called pedophilia (and rape) illegal. In the eyes of the law, sexualizing age play--given that the individual is of age--is legal. This point used the transitive property of equality (Trans POE) to point out the hypocrisy in condemning pedophilia but supporting the fetishization of age regression. To clarify, it may not be illegal, but it is morally wrong.

“Infantilization and age regression aren’t inherently pedophilic because they revolve around the idea of a mindset and not physicality.”

This is contradictory to your previous point and only half true. Age regressors largely rely on physical objects (ie. clothes, stuffed animals, pacifiers) to feel safe. While the root of age regression involves a change in psyche, it is reflected in their appearance and environment.

Part 2: Dubious Consent and Non-consensual

To learn more about rape, here is a wonderful article on non-consensual sex.

“Secondly, I’m quite confused on what she [Moni] is saying regarding calling dubcon [dubious consent] and noncon [non-consentual] rape instead of dubcon and noncon.

They are rape, or at least some form of sexual assault, but I don’t think anyone’s trying to mask them from being as such.”

I whole-heartedly disagree. It is apparent by the staggering number of dubcon and noncon posts that people use these terms to try and justify writing rape because they consider it a “fetish.” The reason I am against these terms is that writers never specifically condemn them. Oftentimes, writers mix the content of the fic into their warning section. So, by writing ‘blowjob’ next to ‘dubcon’ it underscores the severity of the situation.

“Categorizing both of the two as 'rape’ could potentially end up being very damaging. Rape is a very triggering and harsh word for some people, which is why I believe a lot of people use non-consensual sex as a term to avoid potentially triggering people.”

Again, I believe that people use dubcon and noncon to try and justify their rape “fetish.” However, if using the term “rape” is triggering to some individuals and the terms “dubcon” and “noncon” are used as a substitution, why aren’t these writers coming out and explicitly saying that they do not support these types of interactions? Furthermore, why are they writing and sharing this content in the first place if they acknowledge it as rape?

“Also, I think it’s important to clarify whether the 'sexual assault’ in fiction is dubious or non-consensual. There’s a big difference between both parties being drunk in a fic (dubcon) and hard rape, and it’s important to distinguish the two in warning columns.”

Drunk people can’t consent. Both situations are rape. The “level” of rape that you refer to, being how consensual it is, is more damaging in my opinion. Because they were drunk, it means less than if they were sober. This perpetuates victim shaming. She was asking for it. She shouldn’t have drunk so much. Rape is rape. It is never okay. And one rape is never better than another.

“Dubcon is also very important to clarify in fics due to the fact that dubcon is only a fictional concept. It helps indicate the level of consent given in the fiction because someone could be not triggered by sex under intoxication but can be triggered by hard noncon.”

I’m going to use a quote I cited from this source because I feel that the writer describes dubcon more eloquently than I can: “What bothers me the most about this situation, and what I think you are partly getting at here, is when people say that their fic isn't "noncon" or they say it is "dubcon" or "noncon depending on your point of view." Come on! Have the guts to admit that what they're writing is rape. Dubious consent bothers me as a qualifier because if you aren't sure whether someone is consenting, you don't do it or it's rape. No excuses. So, I think that people should just bite the bullet and say, this is a rape fic.... If people want to write rape fic, go for it, and I will probably read it, but let's step up and acknowledge what it is we are writing. I take issue with these qualifiers because I think that it is far more insidious than out and out rape porn. At least when we say it is rape, then we can move on to the next step: saying it's wrong, just a fantasy, etc. But avoiding the label perpetuates the rape myths that have had such a damaging effect on victims and justice: did she enjoy it, she didn't really say no, she was a tease, they've done it before. None of those things matter, and when a person labels their fic, they need to stop pretending they do.”

Essentially, the writer is reiterating what I explained in my previous comment that rape is rape. Another statement that I found describes how damaging fiction can be in real life. While most readers understand that what occurred didn’t really happen, there are real-life consequences attributed to it: “...However, not everyone in fandom uses those terms in those ways. And I think that's a problem that we need to fix. Because, especially when situations that exist in real life and that would be called rape in real life are labeled "dubcon," I think it does real harm to us all.....We currently live in a culture where not fighting back - because, for example, the rapist has threatened to kill you, or someone else, or your pet, if you don't go along with it - will very often get a rape case overturned in court. Where judges and juries and god knows the popular media will pick out and analyze every detail of a person's life to determine whether they were asking for it, whether they secretly wanted it, whether they could have conceivably fought back more than they did, why they didn't scream, why they didn't report the blackmail that was used to control them, whether or not their "consent" might've been implicitly given by winks or nods or secret handshakes or a general miasma of sexual invitation. In other words, we live in a world in which rape culture, a thing we all unwittingly participate in at one time or another, works very very hard to label things dubcon when they're really noncon.”

“Most people 'romanticizing’ non-consensual sex are victims who are trying to gain some sort of control over their trauma, so they have every right to do so. If a victim of rape should have the ability to choose whether or not they want to read/write a noncon fic and if they don’t want to use the word rape because it makes them uncomfortable, they don’t have to and shouldn’t be forced to.

As a victim of rape and sexual assault, I find peace in having the control and ability to write about my trauma. It's a way for me to gain back control that I lost and the word rape does make me uncomfortable, it makes many victims uncomfortable, and if I prefer not to use that word then I should not have to if people know synonymous terms.”

Romanticize: deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

If you are writing/reading smut, you are trying to get off. If you are writing/reading dubcon/noncon smut, you are getting off to rape. Instead of writing/reading about how heinous rape is and how disgusting rape culture is, you write/read fics romanticizing rape since as a reader you enjoy the content to some extent: it is with your favorite character, it takes place in a cool universe, it got you horny, you felt good after reading it. Romanticizing rape is damaging to society as it subconsciously makes rape appealing. I doubt that is the intention, but you can’t deny that these underlying connections exist.

There is a difference between writing to cope and writing to entertain. My intention has never been to victim shame. But writing non-consensual sex between anime characters and a reader-insert is a form of entertainment. Remember the purposes of writing we learned about in elementary school? Yeah, I have a hard time believing that this is therapeutic. Journal therapy uses reflective writing to work through trauma and mental health issues. In sexual assault cases specifically, victims often write about their experience and/or letters to their perpetrator(s). However, if this is your way to cope, that’s fine. But writing rape fics is not the same as sharing rape fics.

“People know the severity of noncon and dubcon, which is what I think [Moni] is missing. No one is trying to not make noncon rape because it is rape. People know that it is. Most people just chose to say 'noncon’ to avoid unnecessarily triggering others.”

Do they? I think to my previous comments in this section, people use these terms to downplay the seriousness of rape.

“And there are far more 'consensual’ fics out there than noncon/dubcon fics, so I don’t exactly understand what [Moni] means by 'romanticize’ or 'normalize it.’”

Two comments up I describe what romanticization is and how it is being done in the community. I’m going to ignore the number part of this statement because I feel that there is no relevance; If there is a platform for rape fics and people are engaging with them, numbers don’t matter relative to another type of fic. I call that authors romanticize consensual sex because it is oftentimes not explicitly stated, and I think it should be. The character(s) and reader are in a relationship and sex is a byproduct of that (I do not consider this dubcon). Personally, I have found very few fics where explicit consent is written in. People sometimes think that asking for consent interrupts the flow and ruins a moment. Works of fiction have an impact on real life, and writing/reading about consent serves to reinforce healthy practices.

“Going off of that, I don’t understand what [Moni] means by 'fairly young’ audiences. I'm hoping that most 18+ consumers are, you know, eighteen or older (obviously that's not the case in all situations), and eighteen is a legal adult. Most people over the age of eighteen are very aware of what these terms mean, and they know right from wrong. So, there should be no need to clarify what 'noncon’ is for them.”

My point is that this community is relatively young. I have not encountered many writers or readers who are over the age of 25 (if you are, kudos). At this age, you lack experience. Many of these readers have never had sex or been in a relationship before. While you might know the difference between rape and consensual sex on paper, some of these things are more subtle--especially in person. You referenced drunk sex as something that you’d classify as dubcon although intoxicated individuals can’t consent. I recently read a fic where the reader was drunk and picked up at the bar by a character. He asked the reader if they consented to sex and they agreed. This is still rape as you cannot consent while intoxicated since alcohol impairs judgment. Regardless of enjoyment, which the reader experienced, this is still sexual assault. Can you see the confusion by labeling that dubcon? What is a young adult to think when they’ve been manipulated into sex but told they consented? It’s confusing, so these terms should be clarified.

Part 3: Fiction

To learn more about how fiction affects reality, here is this interesting TED-Ed animation that summarizes fiction’s impact. Also, I read this article that cites more examples.

“Also, our writing shouldn’t have to equate 'good practices,’ because a healthy-minded individual knows how to separate fiction and reality. Give people the freedom to write about whatever they want, whether it’s in private or not, that's what fiction is for.”

You claim that you don’t want to use the word rape to trigger people, so you acknowledge that not all readers are health-minded as they could be suffering from trauma or mental illness. Likewise, some individuals can’t discern fiction from reality.

More importantly, there is a connection between fiction and reality.

“Finally, I don't think we should be so open with connecting real-life issues with fictional ones. No one is going to become a rapist or want to be raped because they read fiction on it unless they’re truly a rapist or have been raped. Equating fictional works to real-life problems is a little insulting, whether [Moni] intended it to be or not.”

Watch the video and read the article. Fiction directly impacts culture and society. It may be insulting, but it’s factual.

“Because in the end, in rape fiction, no one actually got raped. In pedophilic fiction (I don’t support it don’t get me wrong), no one was actually a victim of pedophilia. Because they’re all fictional.”

That doesn’t make it okay. Again, my problem is that writers ROMANTICIZE these topics which reflect poorly on society.

“If someone is concerned about pedophilia and rape fiction, I believe it would be best to work towards real-life solutions to those real-life problems compared to criticizing fiction authors.”

If you’re concerned about pedophilia and rape FICTION, I’d hope you’d criticize FICTION authors. Honestly, this seems to be a diversion tactic to avoid accountability.

Part 4: “No Offense, but You’re Wrong About Everything”

“Overall, I think [Moni] had good intentions, but it was poorly worded.

You pose a counter argument to each of my points and make it sound like I did not educate myself beforehand. You then deflect to talking about rape and pedophilia in real-world context to downplay the severity of pedophilia and rape in fiction.

I sound petty here, and I do not mean for my words to hurt. I wish that there was some communication beforehand since it seems that there was confusion. If my original post was unclear, I hope my comments help.

Conclusion

This is for everyone:

Please check out the resources I provided and do your own research to understand the situation before forming your own opinion.

No hate to the writer of the response. I just wish you would have reached out directly for clarification before taking my words out of context and assuming their meaning.

[touchstarvedsam]

I thought Supernatural was a story about love and family, about keep fighting despite everything, about freedom! They didn't choose that life, John forced them into it. All Sam ever wanted was to have a life of his own, that's why he left to Standford that's why his heaven was those moments when he was free. They were suposed to gain that, freedom was their prize, at the end of the journey they had to be different people with a lesson learned. Instead we watched a brother grow well feeded while the other died of starvation. If you saw that in real life you wouldn't be like aww thats so romantic and cute, no you would cry your guts out because of how fucked up and unfair that situation is.

Okay, but, did I not say we have to separate reality from fiction? Let me reiterate, learn to separate reality from fiction. Bringing up what I’d feel if I saw that in real life is completely irrelevant if you separate reality from fiction. We aren’t watching Supernatural for healthy relationships and love. We’re watching it because it’s gritty, and fucked up, and dark, and perfect in all the wrong ways. We watch it to get away from reality.

And besides, yeah, Sam and Dean were forced into that life. But what was stopping them from quitting? They couldn’t quit. Do you get that? And you can’t even blame John for it all because it wasn’t his fault, not completely. Mary sold her soul to Azazel to bring John back from the dead. Mary is who got them all in the mess in the first place. If John didn’t start hunting, he would have been completely fucking unprepared 23 years later when Sam was spirited away and him and Dean had no idea where the hell Sam even went.

Sam would have been in Stanford at the time, but had John not started hunting, they would have been a normal family, with normal habits, but still a dead mother. Maybe John and Dean wouldn’t have even known that Sam was taken until Christmas break when Sam was supposed to bring his girlfriend home for the third year in a row and possibly tell his dad and his brother that he was planning on proposing Christmas morning, but Sam never shows. Maybe Jess calls the Winchester’s landline and says that Sam disappeared in the middle of the night. John and Dean aren’t going to have a goddamn clue what to do, or where Sam went, because John didn’t try to solve the mystery of his wife’s death and instead chose to raise his boys in a normal home, albeit a different house as theirs burned down. So he never visited Missouri Moseley, and he never learned about demons, or salt lines, or anything like that.

Think about What Is and What Should Never Be. Sam and Dean would probably be like that, dude. Supernatural wouldn’t have lasted more than one season. Like, what did you expect? If John didn’t start hunting, and teaching his boys how to protect themselves, what did you think would happen? To change Sam and Dean’s codependency and their characteristics would literally take a rewrite of the entire show. They are hardwired codependent because of the way they grew up, but you can’t blame John because, yeah, while some of his methods were shady, he still did the best he could for his boys. He did everything he could to protect them. Because if he didn’t, Sam and Dean would have grown up distant, never bonded, and then they’d all be caught completely unawares when Sam disappears, and then suddenly there are other people disappearing, insane lightning storms, strange deaths. Imagine The Magnificent Seven. All that chaos, all because Sam ended up being the one sticking the Colt in the keyhole and opening that gate to Hell.

Sure, on the one hand it might have been pretty cool because then we’d get boyking!Sam, but on the other hand, we wouldn’t have the epic love story of Sam and Dean, would we? And angels never would have joined the show... hold on a minute, anon, I think you’re on to something. Boyking!Sam... no angels... I can hang here.

But I digress.

As per my last post on this topic, Zachariah manipulated Sam’s memories. The whole point of season 5 was to tear Sam and Dean apart, to break that codependency, so they can go their separate ways: Dean can say yes to Michael with hatred for his little brother, and Sam can say yes to Lucifer to try to save the world. The angels orchestrated the whole thing because they are sick, twisted individuals that all share one hivemind. They’ve been alive for millennia and they’re bored. Castiel let Sam out of the panic room so he could set Lucifer free and still never owned up to it, thank you, you goddamned winged douchebag. You don’t think the angels would alter what memories Sam and Dean see in Heaven? Please.

TLDR; I’m sorry their codependency was such a problem for you and that you think they deserved better. They did, yes, but without each other? That’s a hard no. Their codependency, the completely off the rails batshit things they’d do for each other? That’s what makes the show so goddamn fantastic. I wouldn’t change that about them for the world.

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK DYNAMICS: JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

PREFACE

In my previous post, I shared my thoughts on what I think is Jikook's love language, specifically Jungkook's; and how in my estimation Jimin is the only member within BTS that speaks it, comes close to speaking it and most importantly makes the effort to speak it.

In this post, I attempt to outline what I think is Jimin's love language and show the various ways I feel JK speaks it or comes close to speaking it more so than the others in BTS.

Now I have to state for the record that I do not know or purport to know Jimin or Jungkook or any of these members herein mentioned in any way special and personal other than through the content we all consume on them.

Nor do I intend to be malicious or disrespectful towards them with this post, to intend to strip away their individuality for the sake of shipping symmetry.

Thus, I reiterate, everything I express in here is my thoughts, my observations and my opinion and I pray you treat it as such.

Let the records show, also that, I will bug spray any fake woke wannabe edgy shipper with a Tuktukker complex that takes my words out of context, misconstrue it to suit their own agenda and then turn around to call me out for it. In the name of Jesus, I will avada kedabra your ass. Seriously.

JIMIN

I've always been fascinated by Jimin. By the person he is. And although I do not have a comprehensive understanding of this man's inner workings, he's got to be the most complex and frankly interesting character I've come across in all my shipping years.

His duality is confusing and coupled with his Libra energy, his character and personality can be and is quite often misconstrued and misinterpreted within the shipping community.

He is friendly, cute, funny, beautiful and ship compatible with anyone.

Very often, I find, most people cannot tell his personality from his idol self slash persona or even his love language from his affectionate nature; thus resulting in these bizzare fallacies and ridiculous assumptions about him such as: he is a flirt, hoe, clingy, homewrecker, attention seeker and a plethora of slurs and sobriquet that's defamatory and slanderous at best- its ridiculous.

I get that not everyone likes him and as such wouldn't hesitate to filter his words and actions through arbitrary metrics to arrive at conclusions that profits them and does nothing but help them make sense of their hate- Y'all don't love yourselves enough.

Not to say he is my bias therefore he is perfect. That would be a blunder. He has his shortcomings, he is human after all. What I'm saying is most people don't get him and as such read him wrong?

What's more discombobulating, is the stan who swears up and down they know Jimin well enough but don't see him treating JK any different from the rest of the boys in BTS therefore Jikook isn't real- insert shook pikachu face.

Then there are those stans with genuine shipping concerns about the love dynamics between the two:

Those that feel JM gives more to JK than he receives back. That he is more supportive of JK than JK is of him. Very often, these people would bring up the issue of JK not promoting Promise when it first came out as evidence of this- it's been years let it go.

JK not being as vocal and open about his feelings and interest in JM the way Jimin is and has been about JK is also another area of concern for these stans. If you try to explain to them its because JK is/was shy they will kick- your- ass. Hell, I will kick your ass too. I'll explain later.

Some people also- I know I have at one point- have described JK's interest in and descriptions of JM as a bit shallow and vain compared to how the other members speak of Jimin.

To them, the other members usually talk about how smart and intelligent JM is, how kind and nurturing he is. How much of himself he gives to them. That the way the members talk about Jimin often helps give us a glimpse into the real Park Jimin as distinct from the persona we see on the screens.

But then there is JK: JM hyung is sexy. He has pretty eyes. 'I want you.' Then he proceeds to drool over the Jibooty, squeeze them legs shut tight while struggling to sit through a Jimin solo dance without popping boners left right left around Jimin- Bless him.

I mean, dude nearly snapped his neck trying to catch a glimpse of the Ji-abs in the middle of a performance? Damn.

To be fair, the other members don't talk like this about Jimin and sexualise Jimin as often as JK does because, they don't want to screw Jimin's brains out? Cough, cough. Hashtag save Jimin from JK. Lol

If JK is sexually attracted to Jimin, how else do you expect him to express that? Never mind that he's done some of these things subconsciously at times. You know what...

Y'all need to give this man a break!

[RANT]

He was a hormonal teen- he is still relatively pretty young. It's ridiculous to expect and demand such high level of maturity from a 16/17 year old experiencing a nonplatonic love for the first time in his life and more so in an unforgiving and invasive environment such as that in which he found himself.

Jk and Jimin found each other before they found themselves and it's unreasonable to think that that didn't have a toll on their relationship dynamics. They are human.

They are each growing and maturing at different paces. Their relationship has suffered through its growing pains; Certainly, one person is going to appear lacking in one or two areas in one way shape or form and at any given point in their love journey. That doesn't make them less real.

Again, their careers and the pursuit of it haven't exactly given them the space, time or normalcy to explore what they are and who they are in a functional way, in my opinion.

Everything is moving fast in their world, everything is highly exaggerated and highly scrutinized. Kpop is not exactly a healthy space to foster a healthy relationship and it would be a miracle if any of them should come out unscathed.

Neither one of them went searching for this love thingy nor were they even experienced enough to look at their relationship beyond the convenience of it and the excitement of it- The orgasms were enough reason for them, I think.

I get uncomfortable when some Jikookers, out of good intentions, claim Jikook knew what they were doing, should have known therefore could have known the consequences of them coupling up in a group like BTS before entering into their relationship- let me stop you right there!

While this assumption may seem like a compliment to them it also perpetuates the adultification of early days Jikook which I find disturbing.

They were teens not grown adults when they fell in love. We can't expect and demand such level of maturity from them at that age as cool as that would have made them.

They don't need to be cool to be real. They don't need to be mature to be real.

Jikook is real regardless of whether they were thoughtful or not thoughtful about the consequences of them choosing to date in a group setting, or a homophobic society at the onset of their relationship.

It's ridiculous to dismiss what they are now on the grounds that S.K is a homophobic society or that dating a coworker is not inconsequential.

People date their coworkers all the time and there are gay couples in S.K.

Jikook were too young to comprehend the consequences of dating because which teen worries about all of that before popping one off for the lord? On which planet, sir/ma'am??Were they thinking with their 'ducks?' I believe so. But again, that doesn't make them any less real.

From what I can tell anyway, 2018 was the year Jikook had anything resembling a serious thoughtful contemplation of the status of their relationship- Well, 2018 and this later half of 2020 as some of you might have already noticed. More on this later.

But yes, this adultification of early days Jikook is absurd and needs to stop. And what's equally disturbing is the infantilization of the adult day Jikook- you can't expect Jikook dynamics to remain the same throughout the years. That's bizzare.

Don't expect them to be their same jeonlous, Jimlous, possessive selves. They are growing. They are evolving as individuals and as a pair.

I side eye the fuck out of these fake woke shippers and 'grown ups' who filter Jikook interactions through adult lens and tag moments like Jimlous and Jeonlous as toxic and unhealthy without taking into context where they were at in their love journey or even their age. What y'all think this is? Fiction? Get the fuck outta here.

Jikook have had to learn and grow on the Job and around their job and learn to love eachother under the scrutiny of severe cameras and weird Ahjummas. Leave them the fuck alone or I swear I will petrify your ass for an entire comeback season. Lol

[Rant over]

All that being said, I get it. The way JK talks about Jimin isn't exactly special or unique from the way the other's speak about Jimin. But it isn't exactly superficial either...

And yes, it's quite unsettling that he doesn't describe Jimin in a way that gives meaningful insight into Jimin's personality as distinct from the others', given as he has exclusive access to Jimin more so than any of the members- we have a lot to unpack today, don't we?

Then on the other hand, there are those who think the exact opposite and see JK as the one who gives more to their relationship. That JK takes their relationship more seriously than Jimin does. They see Jimin as a bit wishy-washy when it comes to his commitment to their relationship- this breaks my heart.

Often, such people will cite Jimin's flirty nature, his lack of boundaries with others amongst other things, to prove their point...

Grab a seat, this discussion is going to be a long one. Smiley face.

JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

Jimin first got on my alt-ship radar in Rookie King when he was given an opportunity to air any and all of his grievances accumulated over the years against any member or staff of BigHit but instead chose to use that opportunity to talk about JK and how JK's actions had been hurting him.

Prior to this, he was just my bias and I would casually ship him with Suga, V, RM and basically all the members- except JK. I just couldn't ship JK with anyone.

Back then, I had a vague sense of JM's personality but felt I knew enough about him to theorize on his love language and JK was the last person I thought of as capable of meeting those emotional needs of Jimin's.

Rookie King changed my mind.

Jimin wasn't just trying to squash his differences with JK, he was trying to get closer to him. To get emotionally intimate with him- this is one of the things that sparked my interest in their dynamics.

Because it wasn't as if they weren't close. They were. They had a skinship between them. Skinship, or lack of physical boundaries as I like to call it, is one of the means through which BTS achieve intimacy amongst them.

Jikook had that between them at the time, they went everywhere together, woke each other up- they were close.

Yet Jimin felt they weren't close enough. That there was a wall between them. Now, I see a lot of people misinterpret this period in the Jikook timeline as that Jimin was crushing hard on JK. He wasn't. In my opinion.

You see, Jimin was the last person to Join the band. This was bound to have an effect on his relationship dynamics with the rest of the members as he had missed out on two years worth of emotional connection and camaraderie with them.

He had had only one year to bond and get to know the others away from the cameras and in a way that could help him develop a sense of belongingness within the group.

Within this one year, he had school, voice training, and other activities that possibly got in the way of him truly building an intimate connection with the others.

He is the only member out of the seven whose intimacy journey got captured on camera. He had to foster a connection with the others with the cameras around.

But building a connection with people even in a platonic sense is quite an intimate and private process. It takes vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to submit and subject oneself to varying degrees of humiliation, a sacrifice of the self, ego and pride in a way that just strips you naked- metaphorically speaking.

And in Jimin's case, he had to go through this stage and process openly and with the cameras around- the second hand embarrassment I get from watching early days Park Jimin!

He literally had to be the clown of the group, the hufflepuff, the clingy one, the flirty one, the one with the abs, the loud and chatty one as well as all the tasteless epithets people now weaponize against him.

I believe, all he was trying to do at this stage was breach the barriers he felt existed between him and the others as the newcomer of the group so he didn't feel like an outsider.

That is his first love language- the need to belong. He has a strong desire to feel connected with people. He cares about people and connection. He's reiterated this throughout the years and even more loudly in the recent Japan interviews.

He wanted to be part of BTS both physically and emotionally. He wanted to fit in, to belong with them, to be accepted and viewed as one of the boys- BTS.

You could see this in the way he had adopted the mannerisms of the group- the skinship, the love language of the group if you will.

It is why when Suga complained about him not liking him as much, Jimin immediately drew closer to him and wrapped his hands around him, initiating skinship between them to show he liked him.

Jimin tried to speak the groups love language so he could bond with them but he also began to infuse his own love language.

If you've seen his relationship with his father you'd understand that Jimin expresses his love through giving, nurturing etc. It is how his primary care givers showed him love and so how he also shows and conveys his love.

The members have talked about how he would encourage them to talk, to open up, how he would listen to them, be there for them and give them gifts- the birthday gift exchange culture in BTS didn't exist until Jimin arrived in BTS.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin has a distinct way of showing love that is unique from how everyone else in the group expresses their love. That, there is also an established love parlance within BTS that everyone speaks and that is skinship.

So when Jimin does skinship with any member he is not acting 'clingy' he is just speaking the love language that the group understands. But when Jimin nurtures and acts supportive and what not, he is speaking his own unique love language.

Now I have talked extensively about how Jimin expresses his in my last post so I will be focusing mainly on how he receives loves or what gestures he interprets as love.

And since there is a general consensus that VMin have an emotional connection, I will be referencing their relationship a lot for comparisons sake.

Tae is the only member Jimin got to spend the most time with around predebut without the intrusion of the cameras. This i feel allowed Tae room to strip back and be fully vulnerable with Jimin without reservation as is required of intimacy- which was not the case for Jikook hence JK shying away from interacting with JM in front of the cameras.

Jikook wasn't accorded the luxury of privacy VMin had to build their bond. Jikook had to build their bond with the camera's trailing them. How many times have we seen JK give death stares to the camera people for invading his me time with Jimin?

Not to be psychoanalytic but I feel, this is what induced the exhibitionist tendencies we see in them- or perhaps I'm wrong and this is just them being extra. Bless them.

Within the one year JM was trying to connect with JK through skinship, JK was also only coming around to understanding what skinship meant to him. They were evolving at different paces.

JK has the most walls in BTS. He wasn't just physically closed off to skinship in the early days forcing Tae to strip him naked in the bathroom, he was emotionally closed off too.

He is still pretty much emotionally closed off- he likes to put up walls. He had his own room at the dorm, does his own laundry, barely keeps in touch with the others or pick up the damn phone when they call etc.

Jk barely partakes in the group's established way of life except for perhaps the skinship. In my opinion.

It took JK a while to understand this culture of skinship though. And the members, all of them, had to push his boundaries further back in order to connect with him.

For instance, Jin pinching his nipples to wake him up, Tae doing- well, all of it. Go watch Taekook sexual tension edits, I dare you. You'll understand.

These members had three years off camera with JK to build a connection with him and even they were met with some resistance from JK.

All Jimin had was a year with JK. I feel Jimin lowkey coveted what the others had with JK and perhaps wanted to have that with him too. Why? Because of his need to belong and connect with people. Watching JK's dynamics with the others probably made him feel left out.

I also understand how this could have been overwhelming for young JK who was having both his physical boundaries and emotional boundaries breached at the same time by this person whom he he'd known for only a year.

That's just one of the major differences between Jikook and Taekook: while Tae was busy breaching the physical walls between him and JK, Jimin was attempting emotional heist on him. Bravo Jimin, Bravo.

So do I think at this point in 2013 that Jikook were falling in love or had fallen in love? NO. But what I took from that moment was that Jimin wanted and needed to feel a sense of belongingness with JK.

Mind you I said he wanted to belong, not owned. Freedom is a component of Jimin's love language. In as much as he wants to be kept he wants to be set free- To be be given the room and freedom to explore options and take risks without judgement and without sanctions.

This need is often misconstrued as him being noncommittal.

His need for freedom, I believe, stems from his being raised in a conservative home with parents that directed and dictated every facet of his life and wouldn't even allow him to pursue his passions until later. It took a while for his father to give him the go ahead to pursue his dream- which is performing on stage.

This is why I said in my last post that Jimin has a need to be in control of the decision making in a relationship. Being able to do as he pleases is important to him. Being able to control his own narrative is important to him. And the only person in BTS that permits him to have such authority over him is JK.

Now, I know you are going to say 'but JK is a bit possessive yadda yadda yadda'.

Listen, Jimin's need for freedom is inextricably linked with his fear of judgment and repercussion. What this means is, although he wants his freedom he is often afraid of what will happen if he should go for it.

As such, very often he wouldn't do anything without permission. Especially if he feels it's going to land him in trouble.

I fist noticed this in the 2014 Jikook bangtan bomb when he said he was starting to take a liking to JK but then right after he asked if JK was ok with that. Suga have also said, Jimin doesn't go out of his way to do things that makes people hate him- See this is why he needs JK. He could use some rebellion in his life.

However, this fear of sanctions often makes him complacent to and an accomplice in toxic behavioural patterns.

For instance, until recently, he would enable JK and encourage his acts of jealousy and possessiveness and even incite them at times. He would hold on to the thorns if it means keeping the rose.

But I see him asserting himself and demanding space within their relationship at times but when he does and JK withdraws he would act clingy around JK.

It is what Manila was about, what August 2019 was about and what April/May 2020 was about. I know some of y'all don't agree with my analysis on these moments, but I'm gonna have to stand by it.

Jimin is all about the balance of scales. The balance of needs and wants. The balance of fears and desires. It's just the Libra in him. Give him too much freedom and he will feel unwanted, hold on too tight and he would feel suffocated.

'I value my relationship. Spending time with my friends is gold' remember this shade?

Jimin's fear of Judgment comes from being a perfectionist and also being raised in a conservative home with a lot of expectations of him to be the model son as the elder male.

Thus, he instinctively gravitates towards people who are less judgy or have too much expectations of him.

Also, because he believes he has to work hard to achieve the things he wwants he wants to be loved, it would mean a lot to him if he didn't have to work hard to have someone love him.

It makes sense then that he would gravitate towards JK.

Jk embodies all of Jimin's wildest desires. I call this the allure of the Golden Maknae. Jk doesn't conform. He doesn't care about people's opinions of him and lives his life on his own terms- something Jimin is striving for.

No member in BTS is as free spirited, or as rebellious as JK is. When Suga told him not to get a tattoo because the fans would hate it- he's gotten it anyway hasn't he?

The best part, JK fell all on his own. And you damn right. he fell hard.

Still on the subject of fears, another fear I feel Jimin has that speaks to his love language is the fear of being a burden.

It is why he gives and gives and keeps giving. He'd rather give than receive. Which by the way, JK is the only member I have seen Jimin demand back what he gives him. Emotionally speaking.

Because he gives a lot of himself, he burns out quickly and feels emotionally drained quite often.

He has admitted himself that he used to drink by himself in his room whenever he felt drained. I assume he drank by himself because he didn't want to be a burden to others. Aka JK.

You see, JK is an empath. He feels people's pain as if they were his own. You just have to see him tear up while watching JM cry to understand what I mean by this. Jimin is a nurturer, he knows what it feels like to listen to someone's pain.

And if Tae is the one he goes to when it becomes overbearing then what does he need JK for? Glad you asked!

What JK offers Jimin is nourishment. A safe space for him to heal and reboot. JK replenishes Jimin. It is why he constantly wants to be around him.

Jk has been a canvas in their love dynamics from day one. They've both had to negotiate their needs and wants to make their relationship work. Which is something I find unique about their dynamics and why I believe they are real.

JK's lack of experience in dating, meant he had gone into their relationship without any preconceived notions of love. He's had to learn to love Jimin the way Jimin wants to be loved.

Coming from the background he's coming from, and having been denied his ambitions for such a long time, I see why Jimin would be drawn to people that are quite ambitious.

And even though, JK wasn't this person at first, Jimin has had to hype him up to the task. He pushes JK to be more ambitious.

When it comes to JK, I feel it's more about his potential to be everything Jimin wants in a partner and JK seems more than happy to comply with this.

Because of Jimin's duality and as a natural nurturer, I feel Jimin would also be attracted to someone emotionally open to recieving his love but not too emotionally dependent on him- the balance of scales I mentioned earlier.

It is why VMin wouldn't work, in my opinion. Tae is too emotionally dependent on Jimin. He ends up taking too much than he gives. On the other hand, Suga isn't emotionally dependent enough.

Again, for a man who's battled insecurity for years, it's safe to assume security, certainty and stability are an intricate part of his love language.

He seeks validation of these needs through the most random of things. In my opinion. He wants to be the one that knows JK the best. It matters to him if their clothes match, if their hair colors match, if JK meets his eyes in the middle of a serious comeback interview, if he checks all of JK's answers- hell, dude be whispering sweet empty nothings in JK's ears most times, talking about they are destined to be together and shit. You are me, I am you. Shit.

As annoying as some of these behaviors may be, JK is very considerate and tolerant of them and consideration is another one of Jimin's love language. This goes back to having been denied his dreams by his father. That denial flowed from a lack of consideration of his needs.

And as much as emotionally connected he is with Tae, Tae barely takes his feelings into consideration. And you see this in the letter Tae's written to Jimin. Or even in the dumpling incident where Tae put his want above Jimin's.

Not to mention the moments, JM have had to walk out of rooms because- Tae won't stop playing with JK's dam hair! Lol. They are cute.

People take from Jimin without reservation. But Jk is considerate as Jimin is of JK's needs.

Jk wasn't the 'exhibitionist' in that pair. He's a very private individual from what I can tell.

That PDA, that exhibitionism we see in them, that's all Park Jimin. He kinky. Dude freaky as fuck- we ain't mad at that. Bless him.

He enjoys public displays of affection. It's how he receives love. But PDA is not JK's love language, in my opinion. Yet he goes out of his way to show his affections for JM openly.

The best example I can give of this is Rosebowl.

JK understands that in order to be intimate with JM he has to allow himself to be influenced by him.

And Jimin understands that, as much as he wants to be close to JK that he doesn't have to rush him or force him into giving him the things he need from their relationship.

They are both very considerate of each other's needs, as random and ridiculous as those needs may be and cater to them in a way that is uniquely them.

Take the New Jersey live 2019 for example. Jimin seemed exhausted. Didn't want to be on another Live that night but JK clearly wanted to be seen on a Live together with him so he was there.

Another instance is the rock bison incident, where JM exchanged his toy for JK's just to make JK happy.

CONCLUSION

Listen, Jimin is in love with Jk no matter how imperfect you think he is.

No matter how much you think JK sucks at expressing his feelings for JM, Jimin loves him. No matter how close JM is with the other members, aka VMin, Yoonmin, Minimoni and the others; no matter the lack of emotional and physical boundaries between him and the others he will always fall back on Jk because none of those relationships fulfill him as much as JK does.

Jimin's constant need to be around JK could only mean there is some he gets from JK, a sense of fulfillment he gets that he doesn't get from any other member.

Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

[heymacy]

Is it bad to enjoy smut between two gay characters? I’m a bisexual woman and people on twitter always talk badly about people who aren’t mlm reading it. I’ve always read smut with any characters I’ve shipped so it doesn’t feel like fetishizing, but people seem to think it is

okay yes let’s talk about this because i have thoughts

*cracks knuckles*

i know there’s a fuck ton of discourse surrounding fandom, slash writers, and the fetishization of queer characters. people’s concerns about this are completely valid and i never want to invalidate anyone’s opinion.

i’m a queer woman. i identify as a lesbian, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m married to an AFAB non-binary person who uses she/they pronouns. i’ve been in relationships with men in the past, before accepting my sexuality and coming out, but i don’t personally find men sexually attractive/want to have sex with men, though i have in the past (comp het is a bitch okay?). however, i enjoy reading and writing smut, even if it does involve men, because it’s fiction. but, i can only speak to my own experience here.

do i want a penis near me in real life? absolutely not. keep that shit as far away from me as humanly possible. like, put-that-thing-back-where-it-came-from-or-so-help-me vibes, okay? but does the concept of penis-adjacent sex make me ill? no. because sex is sex, whether it’s between two men, two women, a man and a woman, or any combination therein. sex is beautiful and exciting, especially when it takes place within the confines of love and passion (i don’t personally enjoy reading about graphic, emotionless sex unless i know it’s a slow burn or like, a fwb to lovers situation). idk, i’m a slut for those late-night whispered confessions of “god, i love you” while the characters are fucking under the covers, like inject that shit into my veins please and thank you 😇💕

twitter is uhhhhhhhhhhhhh something. definitely something. i’ve only ever engaged with fandom on tumblr or instagram, never twitter, because of how fucking insane it can get. my mental health is too fragile for that, which is why i don’t have a twitter account anymore 😬 i understand criticisms of people that aren’t mlm writing and reading mlm smut, just like i understand criticisms of people that aren’t wlw writing and reading wlw smut. the fetishization and commodification of queer sex for consumption by the masses is a huge issue, one i’ve felt the impact of in my own life (i get invasive questions about my sex life from straight and gay people, regularly, when they find out i’m a lesbian - how do two women have sex anyway? do you use sex toys? are you a top or a bottom? on and on, like uhhhhh babe it’s none of your business?)

however. i must reiterate. we’re talking about fiction here. sexy shit is sexy shit, regardless of the pairing. i’ve written and read wlw smut, mlm smut, and straight smut in the past. for me, sex is this universally applied concept that’s entirely genderless. yes, the functions are different depending on the parts and the pairing, but sex is sex is sex is sex, and reading about someone fucking someone else into the mattress, preferably someone they love, is hot regardless of who/what/why.

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with reading and enjoying smut that doesn’t align with you as an individual - that is to say that i don’t think it’s wrong for women to read mlm smut or men to read wlw smut. as long as you’re not actively dehumanizing or infantilizing the characters for your own sexual needs, like reducing them to nothing but the sex acts they engage in and refusing to see them as a whole person, i don’t personally think there’s anything wrong with consuming smut of any kind, regardless of your personal gender expression and sexuality.

also, bad smut is pretty easy to sniff out. like, it’s pretty easy to tell if someone is writing from a fetish-based viewpoint rather than a character-driven one. like when men write lesbian sex scenes and it’s like 90% aggressive fingering. like, excuse me? my good sir, that’s...not how that works. idk what to tell you. you don’t just jam your fingers up there and hope for the best, okay? like, it’s easy to tell if someone’s knowledge about wlw or mlm sex acts comes solely from overproduced, performative p0rn or if it comes from a long history of reading and writing smut or talking about sex with wlw and mlm themselves (i enjoy talking about sex with my wlw and mlm friends and a lot of my knowledge of mlm sex obviously isn’t first-hand since i’m a queer woman, but is largely shaped by my mlm friends themselves and the stories we’ve shared with each other - i’d trust them to write wlw smut as gay men because of the open, honest, and respectful conversations we’ve had and what i’ve shared with them about how wlw sex works)

all in all, i don’t think it’s fetishization to read mlm smut as a queer, bisexual, or straight woman. i don’t think it’s inherently bad, or shameful, or dirty. like, are asexual people not allowed to read smut if they enjoy it? they may not want to jump on a dick themselves, but if they enjoy reading about their favorite character jumping on a dick, they should be allowed to do that. fiction is fiction, stories are stories, and the great part about existing as an autonomous being is the ability to pick and choose the content you consume and create based on your own personal preferences, and extend the same right to everyone else. 💛

[bi-outta-cordonia]

This is about the third or fourth time in less than a month since this has happened and I’m getting real sick of it. Listen—

It is true that often times aspects of what we see in real life shows up in a fictional sense and events that we’ve experienced as human beings may provide the inspiration for a story’s setting, whether it be rooted in our reality or loosely woven through a fantasy setting. We bring our experiences into fiction and that’s just a truth.

However, there are times when doing that is far less acceptable. George Floyd and Breonna Taylor are real people. They were brutally and viciously murdered by a system that has long since oppressed Black people. Every Black person growing up has had the talk. That talk is an aspect of our normal because our “normal” is fucked up. It’s having to sit down with your parents and hearing them describe in as much detail what to do when police stop you. It’s your mom yelling at you to take your hands out of your pockets in a store. It’s your dad telling you always keep your hands in front of you and don’t move until the cop tells you to move. It’s your friend’s dad telling you to stay calm no matter what and answer every question with a respectful tone of voice. It’s our families telling us, even if the cops say or do something that’s very much wrong, comply with everything they want. Absolutely everything.

Our history has been marked by this. Our people have died continuously because of this. We don’t get to live freely in this world because of the brutal systems in place that judge our value as humans based on the color of our skin. These systems have stayed in place for so long and try as we might, changing them has been the longest and slowest process. For every step forward, systemic racism takes ten. We lose so many of our people to police every year and we are constantly reliving through the trauma of what it means to be raised in a society that just despises us.

George and Breonna devastate me. They devastated all of us. We’ve shed these tears so many times and we’ve screamed and raged so at many others. Trayvon, Tamir, Sandra, Eric, Renisha—and these are just the ones we know about. There are more, there’s always more. Their tragedies are no less impactful and the pain is no less excruciating. We’re tired. Black people are tired. We just want to live. We just want to not have to wake up in the morning and felt the world squeezing our necks.

That being said—George and Breonna are human beings. They are real people. Really tragic shit happened to both of them and they deserve the dignity of having their humanity respected in their rest.

I get it—we bring our experiences in the real world into fiction a lot but some things are absolutely not okay and using these human beings who were brutally murdered is never going to be acceptable. There’s a difference between writing as a form of catharsis and what many of you are doing. Using their deaths to as fictional fodder to set up a story has no place in any aspect of this space. They are not just props for you to use. They are not “inspiration” for your fiction. They are two people who were robbed of their lives by a system that derives an acute pleasure from abusing people with their power. They were taken away from their families and loved ones by a set of some of the most evil individuals this world churned out. They were murdered without a second thought and their killers will ultimately be protected in some way by a system that rewards cops even if they do their jobs poorly.

They are real human beings and the public outrage towards their deaths is very much real. Protesters are gettting arrested and beaten for the apparent crime of wanting the police to be held accountable for their actions. Some of them are getting killed trying to push for the change we desperately need. Real people are getting hurt, dying, suffering to change the system so it can stop slaughtering our people and we know this is going to be a long, hard fight.

Before you write your fics, please at the very least keep in mind that George and Breonna did not wake up knowing they would die. They woke up expecting to do the things they would normally do and just like that, they were stolen from us. I shouldn’t have to say this, but apparently it needs to be reiterated because some of you have spent very little time examining the way you interact with fiction and it’s time to start thinking critically. Not everything that happens needs a story to accompany it, most certainly not one that’s marred in this level of tragedy. Let George and Breonna rest and stop using them as fodder, please. Our pain is not a prop and our suffering is very much real.

If you want to do something, donate to BLM and the various legal funds circulating. Boost Black voices, not just in fan space but who are also talking about what is going on. Educate yourself on antiblack racism and learn how to shut that shit down when it comes up, whether it be among your friends, family, or strangers.

Let us have our dignity and let our dead rest. Let us mourn them in peace without having to see them be desecrated like this. Please.

[ryuichirou]

I saw one very stupid post on my dash about how snk is OBVIOUSLY nazi propaganda and trying to convert all of us into imperialists and white supremacists. tbh it’s not the first time I’ve seen that kind of stuff and probably won't be the last, but for some reason this time it gave me a lot of anxiety (I got wordy, I'mma need to send another ask, sorry)

(part 2) It's been more than half and hour and I still feel this awful sensation in my chest. It's just overall pretty fucked how to have something you hold dear being misinterpreted in the worst way possible, and I was just wondering what are your thoughts on this situation or how you deal with people claiming all sorts of awful shit.

(part 3) I imagine that as an artist some people probably direct their issues with snk towards you, 'cause I don't even post that much fanart and I've gotten anons "trying to educate me" on why this series is so wrong, after posting drawings. Of course, you don't have to reply, maybe the topic makes you anxious too and I don't want to bother you, so sorry for the depressing topic (｡•́︿•̀｡)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tiiish, I want to hug you, I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I hope you’re feeling a little bit better now.

Like we already mentioned a while ago, when we were talking about that darn article, after we read through it and did a little fact checking (and I mean it when I say a little, because there weren’t many facts to check), we stopped caring about it. It’s not research at all, just a manipulatively written speculation on Yam’s motives and worldview, but sadly, people easily believe these accusations because they hate SnK and want to find a valid reason to hate it and shit on its fanbase. Because “I hate it because it’s nazi propaganda” sounds much cooler than “I hate it because it’s popular”, doesn’t it?

It’s easier to ignore the article itself though, and it’s much harder not to think about tumblr posts or those Twitter threads that get very popular (although there are a lot of bots on twitter, trust me…), and it’s especially difficult to ignore it when it’s specifically directed at you. But the only thing that these people deserve is a good ol’ block and (if they’re getting too offensive and abusive) a report for harassment. The thing is, their opinion doesn’t matter: it won’t change SnK’s story, it won’t affect its success and popularity, it doesn’t affect anything other than our mood (temporarily lol). Because they aren’t critics who actually give a flying fuck about the subject matter, they’re just random assholes with a hateboner for SnK, who sit in their echochamber and discuss the same shit over and over again. And if they’re “fans” of the SnK, it’s just them “consuming it critically” 🙄 such a convenient phrase and so easy to abuse.

If we think about these accusations again… they’re so damn nonsensical, it’s almost amazing. I’m not going to reread it or to make a proper counterpoint article out of this ask, so this is just based on how we remember these accusations.

Like, what part of SnK approves and pushes the idea of imperialism in any way? When the entire idea of the story is that war is bad? When people like Onyankopon, whose homeland was invaded by Marley, exist? And it’s never portrayed as a good thing? Having only one country dominating the world’s situation is literally the main reason why everyone’s suffering??

And come to think of it, Isayama is one of the few manga artists to kind of sort of openly critique Japan: he literally drew Kiyomi losing her cool and drooling while thinking about all the profit and wealth she would get from the deal with Paradis. Why do people never talk about that? What is it, if not a critique of greedy and two-faced nature of people from Azumabito clan, who are heavily implied to represent Japan? I don’t read a lot of manga in general, but do you know how many mangakas I’ve seen who directly talked shit about Japan while being Japanese? Two. Excluding Isayama.

Isayama is clearly invested in the Western culture and he understands the World’s History. He understands that political relationships are complex and that there are no “bad” or “good” countries. I don’t want to make assumptions about how much perspective of the world’s relationships the average person from Japan has, but I still feel like Yams has a pretty good understanding of it. He did his research for the subject matter, and while it’s obviously not perfect, it’s clearly there.

These people also claim that SnK is anti-Korean and anti-Semitic, but if Hetalia had taught me anything, it is that if the story has or used to have any anti-Korean undertones, the Korean readers wouldn’t want to have anything to do with it. They would be the first people to ditch the manga, they would be the first people to critique SnK, and rightfully so. They burnt Uniqlo clothes, their overall domestic policy is pretty anti-Japanese, so there’re literally zero reasons for them not to destroy SnK if they see it as anti-Korean. But the size of the Korean SnK fandom suggests otherwise, doesn’t it.

And the “big noses = Jewish caricature” argument, seriously? How anti-Semitic can you get? Who the fuck looks at people and goes “oh, those have big noses, bet they’re caricature of Jews”?? Sorry I’m getting heated lol The argument about “Asian artists portray Westerners with prominent noses because that’s what we look like to them” has been done a lot of times, I’m not going to go over than again.

And god forbid Isayama to use Germany and Europe to draw a story where his characters are (approximately) Germans and Europeans! Let’s go fetch our pitchforks to punish Isayama for using their aesthetic to make his story look more believable and authentic, right? “Oh, those areas where they hold Eldians resemble places from real life”, like no shit???? Ofc they would??? That’s what references for making the story more grounded are used for??? If I were to write a story about a fictional place based on a real one that I don’t live in, I’d use some visual references to help me to make it more believable??? Why do I even need to explain that?

In my previous post I talked about the armbands and ghetto and stuff, but I’ll reiterate: even if there are thematic similarities, it doesn’t mean that the story mirrors our history. And it doesn’t mean that there is an analogy, since Eldian’s situation is quiiiite different than what Jewish people had to go through. It’s just thematic similarities. And it still doesn’t plant any specific idea in the reader’s head, other than “having people shoved into ghettos with 0 civil rights is a horrible thing”, and I can’t comprehend what’s anti-Semitic or imperialistic about it. Also I’m sorry, but nazis are not the only people who genocided a bunch of people, breaking news. Nor did they invent armbands. Same goes for Japan in WWII.

And now for my favourite argument: Erwin is nazi because his name is Erwin and he was born on the same day than some nazi guy died… I won’t even talk about why this idea is hilariously stupid, I just want to appreciate the level of nitpicking that’s going on here.

So… yeah. People who have nothing else to do but to complain about the show they hate don’t matter. And people who consider themselves a part of the SnK fandom and still say this bs (yep, there are people who do that) are huge hypocrites. The heck are they doing in this fandom then?? Of course, any story is up to interpretation, but this is so backwards?

Sorry for rambling so much… anyways. We’re happy enough not to encounter any hate related to this topic, but we think it’s because we ship Ereri and people already hate us for that, so the majority of shit we get is related to that, I guess we’re a lost cause for them. We’ll see if anything happens after this post though.

But once again, I’m very sorry that you had to go through this. Please remember that this isn’t personal at all, and people who harass strangers on the internet just want to flex their high moral ground while acting like complete assholes. You don’t have to explain anything to them, you don’t have to talk to them, you don’t have to listen to them or give them any attention. I hope you’ll never stumble upon anything like this; but if you ever do, please block them, don’t even bother reading their attempts at “educate” you. Isn’t worth it.

Please have a good day, Tish. And everyone who’s reading this reply.