#let me pretend for 2 hours i'm onto something here :' )

[miminmimikyu]

Superbia is such an interesting notion!!! He completely breaks with the pattern we’ve seen with the previous deadly notions

He’s the only one based on a magical boy

2. He’s been awake for much longer than the others. Rui met Oya as a child so ~10ish years at the absolute minimum if all the Ainos and the ANRC blinked into existence at the same time OR 2023 years if he’s been watching over the world since the notion sky came into existence. The others woke up only after Tsubame woke up Ira

3. It doesn’t seem like there was any overlap between the other anti-war magical girls. Except I KNOW ALL. He was already there when Fubuki Hana died and before Shiro was recruited. (Either he wasn't transformed here or he wasn't a magical boy yet)

4. His magic is off the scale. Avaritia's copy ability was one thing, we didn't really get to see Gula and Luxuria's abilities but Superbia being able to create people and a pocket dimension??

5. His effect on the blue sky wasn’t a heart shaped-notion but black fragments

6. Colour is so deliberate and holds so much information in this manga but he’s the only Deadly Notion whose viral absorption mechanism (heart arrow through the head) does not correspond with whatever effect he has on the sky: he’s sky blue just like the Ainos!!!

Before the manga revealed that Superbia’s magic was in those black sections of sky I thought that the final thing to break would be the sky itself. Idk I still think it's far too big a coincidence that he and the Ainos are sky blue, but the lower half of his magical boy design is pitch black and Superbia is also consistently linked with darkness, not only in his magic but also in his appearances and when he speaks so hmm!

7. Maybe not such a surprise because he's able to mimic other people but he's the only one whose costume is different as a magical boy versus as a notion: sometimes he still has the coat (without the embellishments/crown though), but the other clothes he had on his upper body and his shoes are gone and he's wearing different trousers (not black!! edit: after reading ch 39 I guess that's just a stylistic choice, because he's wearing the greyish trousers + no shirt in the flashback too)

I can't wait to find out what makes him so different from the others and how that ties into the story!

[wosofutbolfan]

When Somebody Loved Me (Everything Was Beautiful)

Alexia Putellas x Reader

A story of a lifetime spent growing together. To what end?

Songfic

WC: 17k. Check TW inside.

TW: Bullying based on disability. Death of a parent. Angst. Grief.

Hi Guys.

This has sat in my drafts for months and inside my head for even longer. There is no part 2 planned. This is angsty with fluffy moments. Be warned.

I think we can all agree the most heart wrenching media moment of all time is Toy Story 2 and the below song.

If you don't agree. Move along this is not for you.

Reader calls Alexia, Alex throughout this fic. That's based on this video. Cause I have never heard someone refer to that and I thought it was cute. Alexia refers to R as 'Conejito' as a literal translation of bunny - I have since realised there's a more vulgar translation of this which I'm ignoring. Ha.

Spoiler Alert - This story deals with the death of a parent. Which I went back and forth on writing. Something about it still feels ick to me because these are real people. I may delete. Everything within is based on my own experience of parental loss. And it comes from no place of malace or weirdness.

This also deals with a severe speech impediment - which again, I do not suffer from myself but have experience with and hope I have done the struggle justice for anyone who may suffer.

My spanish is google translate because I am an ignorant English speaker. Apologies.

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart

It was raining on the day that you met her.

That was strange. For Barcelona. The rain.

You found yourself where you usually could be found, to anyone who would take notice. Which wasn’t anyone to your knowledge except for a few observant teachers. In the art room, in the back corner, working relentlessly at an easel that your favourite teacher would set up for you.

You had transferred into the school part way through term, and for the first few days as with most schools you were the new and shiny thing. At 12 a lot of the kids in school had known each other since birth and you were new fresh blood to entertain them.

That didn’t last too long though when they realised you weren’t actually that interesting.

Shy and quiet as you always had been, you kept yourself to yourself. Its not that you didn’t want to make friends. You did. You so desperately did. But you just didn’t know how.

You had a stutter. That never helped. Kids could be cruel. And with the move from your hometown to Mollet for your mum's job it had only gotten worse. 

Words felt like lead in your mouth, your jaw felt tight and you struggled to get your words out. They stuck in your throat and refused to move from there. 

The teachers were kind. Your peers were not. Your speech therapist was helping. You spent more time than any 12 year old should thinking about sentence structure and breathing techniques.

You knew your parents worried about you. Waiting for you to get home from school every day with worried glances and eager smiles; “Did you make any friends today niña?” your dad would ask, pretending to be casual, flicking through some book or another. “Not today Papi.” You would reply, never wanting to lie to your family, before happily jumping the couch next to him and starting to scribble in your notebook.

“Maybe tomorrow niña. There is always tomorrow”.

Well. Turns out dads are clever.

Because there was always tomorrow. And on an unusually rainy day for Mollet tomorrow came.

“Putellas!! Get back here! Pute-...”

The door to the art room quickly opened and slammed closed. The noise jolts you out of your peaceful reverie. A tall brunette girl smashed her back against the door and a hand quickly flicked out to turn the lights off to the room.

She clearly hadn’t noticed you huddled in the corner as she slid down the door onto her butt. Closing her eyes she let out a deep sigh and rested her forehead on her knees.

You didn't know what to do.

You knew who she was. Of course you did. She was Alexia Putellas.

The Alexia Putellas. Futbol superstar. Well… the 12 year old playground version of that. The coolest girl in school. She oozes confidence. Was always surrounded by a gaggle of your peers. Never without a ball at her feet or in her hands. But she hadn’t noticed you. Arm still raised working on the canvas in front of you, vision now impeded by the dark she had forced onto the room by turning the light off. You froze. Mouth slightly agape and hand starting to sweat. You watched as she rocked her forehead side to side on her knees. Your arm became tired in its upright position and the noise of you plopping the brush back into the water jar seemed to jolt her out of her stupor. Her neck snapped up and you met her wide, hazel eyes that bore into you. “Oh! Lo siento, I didn’t… I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” She was met with silence. Your stutter affected you terribly on a good day. Nevermind your safehaven suddenly being invaded by the coolest girl in school. Who you had idolised from afar since arriving in Mollet. Her head tilted curiously as she took you in. You felt her eyes drift to the canvas behind you. “Did you paint that?” She stands to her full height, still keeping her distance from you. “Why are you painting in the dark…?” She asks curiously. Head still tilted. Faced with a direct question you couldn’t put it off any longer. You couldn’t delay the inevitable. “Y..y…you, tu…tu….switched off….” Changing the words you intended to use halfway through was a coping mechanism that your therapist had tried to get you to work out of your system. She called it masking. You called it getting by. You raise your hand and point to the lightswitch that she had flicked when she entered the room. She looks at you harder now. You feel her eyes boring into you and wait for the inevitable laughter. The pity. Maybe even the cruelty that you are used to when people hear you speak. You cast your eyes down, waiting for the blow. But you just hear a flick of a switch, and the darkness behind your eyelids lifting. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have switched it off if I had known. I was just trying to get away. I kicked a football at Senorita Lopez by accident in the gym. They won’t let me play outside in the rain. Idiotas” You lift your eyes at her gentle, lilting tone as a smile teases your lips. She's moved closer to you now. “You didn’t answer. Did you paint this?” Her hand comes out to hover over the lines of your still-wet painting. Carefully. Again, you’ve been asked a direct question. “Si.” you reply, quietly. You don’t struggle so much with single words. “By yourself?” she asked, aghast, wonder taking over her features. You nod in reply. “This is so cool! Show me!” A grin overtakes your features as you nod more enthusiastically. Glasses slipping down your nose. Pulling out a fresh canvas for your new friend. “Lo siento, I haven’t told you my name. My Papa says it's rude not to introduce myself…” she stands tall and thrusts out her hand. Very formally. Very practised. “I am Alexia Putellas Segura.” You pause for a moment, looking at her outstretched hand. You wipe your clammy hands on your jeans. And shake her hand. “A…A…” you grow frustrated with yourself, the words getting stuck in your throat. You pull your hand away but Alexia keeps her grip firm and nods at you encouragingly. “Al…Alex… Alex.” you give up. Eyes downcast. Maybe you can tell your papa you nearly made a friend today. “Alex! Cool! I’ve never had that nickname! Most people call me Ale. But it can be our thing. I know you, you are y/n I remember Senora Perez making you stand at the front of class. Show me how to paint! Please? ”  Alexia was not a good painter. She quickly got bored and distracted by the newspaper on the desk intended for a paper mache project which she screwed up together, fashioned into a football and then spent the rest of the wet lunchtime kicking around the art room aiming for various targets that she would shout out to you. 

You dutifully cheered at every successful hit of the target. That night as you climbed onto the couch next to your papa and he asked; “Did you make any friends today niña?”. You couldn’t wait to reply; “Si! Alex.” You missed the way his newspaper dropped ever so slightly, and he caught the eye of your mami who was in the kitchen. “Ah, Si? Alex should come for dinner! We would love to welcome him!” He replied, his delight even obvious to you. “No tonta… Alex is a girl!” you let out. In that hilariously moody way only 12 year olds can. You became inseparable. Alexia was your best friend. Complete and total opposites. She would spend wet lunches in the art room with you. She would drag you to the playing fields after school and on break and you would be a goalie for her. Which was really just you standing complaining about where you found yourself and you dived away from balls as she cackled out a laugh. She came round for dinner with your family most nights. You spent every weekend at the Putellas household, travelling to her football games, strapped up next to Alba in the back of the Putellas family car, scribbling away in a notebook as you drew landscapes that you passed. On the way home you would sketch and sketch, only slightly hindered by the weight of your gangly best friend as she slept on your shoulder.  Your art would sit on both family fridges. Alex’s football boots would litter both entrance ways. Your mami would pick Alba up from the junior school if Eli got stuck at work. Joint family dinners were the norm.

Your relationship evolved through the years. Easily. Blissfully. You grew together. You became taller, however still paling in height compared to your best friend. You got braces and had them removed, You wore contacts most days now instead of your thick rimmed glasses. Though you still could usually be found in the art rooms.

Alexia filled out, she became less gangly and more strong, after years dedicated to football and training. 

Your speech improved. Your stammer only comes out rarely and you know your triggers. You worked hard every week with your speech therapist but you always credited Alexia. She gave you confidence. 

No one at school would roll their eyes or laugh at you when Alexia was by your side. She didn’t rush you. She didn’t finish your sentences. Nothing was more formidable within your school walls than if Alexia had found out someone had made fun of you, or not been patient with you. She got in trouble countless times defending your honor. Even if the teachers hated punishing her for it. 

You maybe realised on some level that you were as important to Alexia as she was to you the day that caused her to miss the U15 School Championship final. 

One of the more idiotic older basketball boys had caught you in the hallway. Trying to impress his gaggle of followers he had tripped you up as you were on your way scurrying into the art rooms to finish the sign you had made for Jaume to wave at the upcoming championship final. You had fallen flat on your face, quickly moving onto your back and pressing yourself against the wall. It had been a while due to Alexia's influence but you had dealt with bullies your entire life and you knew you had to just make yourself small and wait it out. “Oh s-s-s-s-s–s-s-oooorry it w-w-w-as an a-a-a-a-accident!!” the boy taunted you, leaning over you and exaggerating your stutter. 

His spittle hitting your face and making you wince. He brought himself to his full height, which was impressive for a 16 year old and turned to his friends. “Honestly, how is she even in this school, she is so estupida!” His guffaw was matched by his followers however their faces quickly dropped as they looked behind their ringleader. “What did you just say to her?” a cold, terse voice entered the conversation. You didn’t see his face drop but you could imagine it. 

He quickly turned and looked at Alexia standing in the doorway. Sunshine behind her darkening your view. As she stepped into the halfway you took in the thunderous look on her face. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her as angry. 

You barely recognised her. “I-i-i sai…” This time he wasn’t impersonating you. 

He knew he was fucked. She moved quicker than you had ever seen her move on the football pitch. The tall boys friends quickly scattered as she grabbed him by his shoulders. He may have had at least two foot of height difference on her but that quickly diminished to nothing as she kneed him squarely between the legs. He doubled over in pain as she landed blow after blow to his stomach. “Alex… stop.” you instructed, gathering yourself to your feet. 

Your voice cut through her rage and she immediately stopped her punches. He scurried off as soon as he was able to, no serious damage done apart from to his ego… and maybe his balls. She turned to face you after shouting some choice expletives to his back, face immediately morphing into one of concern, eyebrows furrowed as her hands cupped your face. “¿Estás bien?” She asked, seriously. Hands moving to check you over. 

“Si, Si, estoy bien.” you replied. “You shouldn’t have done that Alex.” you regarded her with sceptical eyes. 

Her brow furrowed further, “What should I have done then? He’s un maton, he hurt you. I taught him a lesson. I would do it again. I would. I am not sorry.” she said firmly as she moved your head beneath her chin and wrapped her strong arms around you. 

You tried to pretend that the butterflies in your stomach erupting at her protectiveness were a normal reaction to a friend. 

Right? She repeated the same platitudes the next day, but this time with Jaumes hand on her shoulder as she sat in the headmaster's office. The boy she had humiliated so happened to be the son of one of the school governors. The headmaster told the footballer and her father that if Alexia apologised to the boy then she would go unpunished, otherwise, he would be forced to stop any of her extra-curricular activities, including the interschool championship final. Which, as headmaster, he really didn't want to do when his school had their first chance of winning in over a decade. She refused. 

She was banned from playing.

The team lost. 

Badly. The guilt ate away at you as you both watched from the sidelines as the 5th goal against your team went in. 

She grasped your knee, and still watched the game. “Stop feeling guilty. I am still not sorry. There are more important things than football conejita.” 

You took a breath and placed your hand on top of hers. You turned to look at her incredulously. “I mean, very few. Football is still in the top 2. Food is 3.” she continued, deadpan. Forcing a laugh out of you. You asked her once, years after first meeting, one sleepover when you were both lying side by side on the Putellas trampoline looking up at the stars. Why was she so patient with you? When no one else was? She looked at you, dumbfounded, genuinely confused by the question. “You have a voice y/n. You deserve to be heard.” she replied. Moving into her favourite position which was pulling all of your weight completely on top of her. Your head rested over her heart. You could hear the thump thump thump against your ear. You hoped she couldn’t feel the fluttering of yours.  

It was that simple to her. “Plus you looked like a rabbit in the headlights when I barged in, you were too cute. Mi pequeña coneja”.

Your Alex. 

You transitioned from best friends into girlfriends at 16 with no fanfare. A shy kiss after a win at Alexia's latest championship sealed it. Her grin splitting her face. Yours matching when you realised your dreams could become a reality. Hands held tentatively in the backseat of Jaumes car as he smiled at the scene through his rear view mirror.  Days later, as you both stood in front of your mami and papi shyly holding hands you realised, squeezing the trembling hand in yours, that it was the first time you had seen Alex nervous. In all of your years of friendship.

Alexia still had her weirdly formal streak, the same as the day you met her, so you let her do what she felt she needed to.

“Senor y Senora y/l/n… “ she started, taking a breath. “Mi and y/f/n…”

Your parents caught your eye, dumbfounded. She never used their titles. They rarely heard her use your name. You were always conejito.

“Alexia… estimada…” your mami started, with kind eyes. You could tell she knew what was coming. You shook your head at her slightly, Alexia too caught up in her own moment to notice. Your mami let her speak.

“Mi and y/f/n…”

Your papi, however, was not as emotionally in tune as your mami, “Monito, what is going on? Why are you being muy loca? Have you got mi mija pregnant? I know you're an overachiever bu…” “Papi!” you screeched out, interrupting him. 

Alex stood mouth agape, face flushed as she looked to you for help. “Papi, Mami, Alex is tr…try…tryi… telling you that we’re together together.” you let out, raising your joined hands. Your mami let out a laugh behind her hands, your papi however stood and exclaimed, “Was that some sort of secret!? Dios Mio of course you are! We thought you had been for years!  You made me change your bedtime story from princesses to football-playing princesses on the day you met!  Why do you think your Mami makes you keep your door open when this one stays, Mija?” 

Now it's your turn to blush as your mouth drops open. As he passes Alexia he gently smacks her upside the head, ruffling her long brunette hair. “Now come on cabeza de bola, me and the guys from work are starting a 5 a side. I need your help on penalties…” You huff out a laugh as your girlfriend is dragged away, confused look stuck on her face - eyebrows adorably drawn and mouth furrowed and clinging to your hand until distance forces her to let go. 

Your mami settles her arm across your shoulders. “I’m happy for you Mija” she mutters, in her gentle tone as you fall into her embrace. “You’re going to marry that girl one day.” Even after everything that would happen and the hell you would feel, you thank God for the unseasonal rain in Barcelona that day in junior school.

And when she was sadI was there to dry her tearsAnd when she was happy, so was IWhen she loved me It wasn’t long after you made your relationship official that you had your first real test.

You knew something was wrong with your girlfriend probably before she did. You knew her like the back of your hand. Though it finally came to a head one early evening at the Putellas household.

You had both picked Alba up from school, and you had set out to making dinner in the Putellas kitchen whilst Alexia's parents were both stuck at work.

It was standard practice, occurring at least once a week. You moved through the kitchen with ease. The ease is what alerted you.

Usually, on nights like these, Alba would huff off to her room like any other pubescent teenager, head stuck in her phone and earphones firmly in place. Alexia however, would usually be found attached to your back, arms wrapped around you as you cooked, or sat at the breakfast bar, swiping chopped veggies til you hit her with a spoon to make her stop, rolling your eyes as she insisted she was a growing girl and she needed the extra.

No, this was too easy, you thought, as you moved around, you missed your big inconvenience in the kitchen and you made sure your pasta sauce was bubbling nicely and went to search for her. 

You find her in the living room, her large frame draped over the sofa, eyes mindlessly watching the TV. But you can tell she isn’t watching whatever is on. Ale isn’t a big TV-watcher. She's very rarely sitting still for long enough to concentrate. The exception being if you're in her lap, where she entertains herself by playing with your hair or tracing the lines on your palm. “Hey, amor, estás bien?” your voice brings her out of her thoughts, “Ey? Ah sí conejito, lo siento, is dinner ready?” she asks, making to stand, but being stopped by your hand on her shoulder.  “Ay, when did I become the hired help, ey?” you ask, trying to tease a smile out of your girlfriend. “Dinner will be ready soon. Tell me what's on your mind.” The thing about Alex is she’s an open book. People may think she is stern and serious but she wears her heart on her sleeve. You can always see her thoughts plainly on her face, so you know something troubling her. She knows she can’t hide it from you, so she doesn’t try. “I’ve been offered a professional contract.” She states, plainley. Your heart lifts for her. Your whole life Alexia has bled football. For many years she believed, and you did too though you would never admit it, that it wouldn't be possible to make a career from the sport. You don’t think you have ever seen Alexia as sad as when she aged out of the Barcelona FC teams. She was devastated. It was a harsh reminder that Spain wasn't the USA. The opportunities are not always available. But the thing you loved most about Alexia was her dogged determinedness. She would train in the morning, in the afternoon, between classes. You are overjoyed that all of that hard work has paid off. Something wasn’t adding up with her reaction, however. “Alex, that's amazing news!” you exclaimed, unable to hide the joy in your voice. “Why are you not more excited? Is it a bad deal?” “No, amor, it is a fair deal.” she sighs. You just look into her eyes, waiting for her to tell you what she wants to share. She takes a deep breath. “It’s Levante, I would have to move to Valencia.” Ah, you see. Your heart breaks at the sad frown painted on the usually stern face of your girlfriend. Your hand moves up to trace her eyebrow, forcing them to unfrown and moving down to cup her cheek. She leans heavily into the warmth of your hand, and damp eyes open, fixing to yours. “Oh Alex, it’s okay” you whisper. The truth is you had always known that with the career your girlfriend was destined to follow, that you would have to spend time away from each other. You already did. Alexia has often been away throughout your friendship and now your relationship for national camps. 

You had a very mature relationship for 17 year olds. Having been woven into each other's lives for so many years. You were part of each other's DNA. You knew how to manage the time without your girlfriend. You were both grade A communicators. You accepted that this would be different, and no doubt unimaginably hard for the footballer, her family was her life. But so was football. And you know you needed to encourage her to take this step. “It’s not okay!” she stated, firmly, sitting up straight on the couch. “It’s not fair! Finally I get what I have dreamed of but it comes at the expense of everything I love. Mi familia, Barcelona, you! Why can’t I have both? I don’t know what to do” “You go to Levante, Alexia.” you say, seriously, “This is a huge opportunity for you.” She looks at you incredulously and you’re not sure what you’ve done wrong. “Oh, so it is that easy for you? Si? You just let me go like it doesn’t even bother you!” You aren’t used to Alexia's stern frown being sent your way, usually it's aimed at someone in defence of you. Or at a goalkeeper.  You, however, know the brunette is feeling vulnerable, she has waves of insecurity at times, she puts so much pressure on herself it's inevitable, but you are always there to assure her of her worth, and your love. “You know that's not true, amor.” you say, tenderly, hand reaching into her brunette locks to sooth her. “I agree, it’s not fair that Barca don’t have a women's team but I have always known your talent would take you away from me, “ she opens her mouth to interject, “but I love you. And I know you love me. We are tethered. Forever. When, not if, you go to Valencia, we will make it work. You know we will amor, you can have both” “But I will miss you.” she whimpers, pathetically. “I will miss you every second. But it will get better, it’ll pass Alex.” Her head finds your neck as she settles in there. Her larger frame is quite comically draped over you. “Do you promise?” she lets out, weakly. And you don’t let a moment pass, “I promise.” and seal your promise with a kiss to the crown of her head. She moves her chin up and faces you, “Beso, por favour” she asks, who are you to refuse? You kiss softly, you don’t know how many minutes you are tasting her sweet lips pass before you are interrupted by a sulky 14 year old.  “Ewwww!”

Alba appeared, making the two of you split apart, her disgust at the scene she's found making you laugh as Alexia peels herself from you, rolling her eyes.

“I’m gonna tell Mami that you two were making out instead of feeding m…ahh!” Albas accusations getting lost as Alexia chases her around the living room, ready to fight in a way only sisters can.

A strange smelling odour fills your nose. Oh… Oh no. You rush into the kitchen to find your dinner smoking on the hob.

“Oi, Putellas diablos!” You stick your head into the living room where you find Alexia sat on her younger sister whilst she tries to battle off the huge weight she finds on herself. They both pause and look at you guiltily. “C’mon, shoes on, we’re going out to eat, on me, we’re celebrating!”

Both of them unite in cheers as they childishly jump up and run to the front door in glee, shoving each other out of the way to try to get their shoes on first as you watch, affectionately shaking your head.

It will be months later, after a summer filled with memories made with your girlfriend, days at the beach, trips to the market, lazy days at home and soft moments made in the streets of Barna, that you would find yourself alone in bed.

That was weird.

You had spent the day packing with Alexia, the sadness of moving away had started to be replaced with excitement from the tall girl. Her dreams were coming true, okay, it may not be perfect, she finally understands, but it's a step in the right direction.

She can’t believe that she's going to get paid to play football.

Paid. The evening after a long day of packing was spent having a family meal at the Putellas household. Your family is also in attendance. It was a loud and joyous affair and it helped to keep the sadness out of your girlfriend's eyes. After a long evening of sombremesa Alexia had insisted on coming back with you to your parents to your house.

She didn’t want to spend her last evening in Barcelona in her empty bedroom, instead finding solace in yours. You had both talked into the early hours, in the arms of each other, trading soft touches and exchanging breaths until sleep took you. You pretended for her sake that you couldn’t hear her rattling breaths or feel the dampness of her cheeks on your fingers.

Now, however, you were alone, and unsure at what woke you up. Until a tapping comes to your attention. You sit up in bed and hear it again. What is that? You get out of bed and go towards your window, yep, there it is again, coming from outside. You throw open the curtains and peer out into the moonlit garden.

It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the darkness but you can’t take that moment because you suddenly are hit squarely in the face by a pebble. 

“Ouch.. what the he…” you stand suddenly and bang your head on the window frame “Ow, Fuck!” “Ay Dios Mío, lo siento amor! I didn’t see you had opened the window!” Alexia's panicked voice reached your ears, why was she in the garden? What the hell was going on? “Are you okay conejito?” You take a moment to steady yourself and your mind into your new and abrupt situation. “Conejito?” “Yes, Alex, I am fine. What are you doing out there?” You’re met with silence. “Al?” The tall brunette is scuffing her foot against the pebbles of the garden that she had previously been launching at the window. “I don’t want to say. I feel stupid now.” You arch your eyebrow in her direction. You don't think that she can even see it but she knows what's aimed in her direction. “I couldn’t sleep. I was too excited. And also sad. And muddled. And I will miss you so much so I was just imagining how good it will feel when you visit, or I visit. Or when I score a goal and you’re watching. Which I know you’ve seen but now it's my job.” she rambles, pausing momentarily to take a breath. 

“Anyway, I thought about how cool it would be if I came to visit and woke you up by throwing stones at your window like in a film! You’d love that! Then I just couldn’t wait to do it. So here’s me, doing it. I’m being romantic.” She throws a crooked grin up at the window and your heart literally melts. “I..I….” and you promptly burst into tears. “Oh no mi amor no! Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to throw a pebble at your face! I’m sorry!” she gestures towards you with her hands frantically. “It’s not that Alex, you’re just such an idiot. And I love you so much. I am going to miss you so much. Get up here.” needing her arms wrapped around you. She nods vigorously and makes to climb the trellis that goes to your window. “No you idiot! Use the door! You have a key!” “Oh yeah.” you hear her mutter to herself before she scurried back inside. As you’re settled back into her warm arms, her huge hands palming through your hair. “That was very romantic Alex.” you mumble and you practically hear her purr with pride at herself. “Next time though bebe, use your key, I would much rather you be here in bed with me.” “Noted.” she mumbles into your skin, wiping away the tears that you can’t stop from rolling down your cheeks. Alexia got settled into her professional team quickly and efficiently, she was one of the youngest but easily the most talented on the pitch. You would travel up with Jaume religiously at the weekends wherever you could, your time in the week spent busy with the Art College you had enrolled in. Alba sometimes tagging along when you bribed her with snacks.

As promised you were there when she scored her first professional goal, her beaming smile sent directly to you and Jaume in the stands, stood cheering for her. You witnessed her wide eyes, after the game, as you stood waiting for your celebratory hug and maybe a cheeky kiss, when she was stopped by a little hand. “Hola.” the small girl had to crane her neck to look up at your girlfriend. She was shaking with excitement. “Hola?” she replied, confused. “Can I have your autograph por favour?” she asked, sweetly. Alexia just stood there, like a sim. 

You stepped forward with your notepad and drawing pencil that you carry everywhere, you had more drawings of inside a football stadium than anyone would need. You ripped out a page and handed Ale the pencil. “Of…of course?” She scribbled down her autograph for the young girl who beamed and ran away holding it above her head to show her mami who picked her up in glee. Alexia's wide eyes stared at you. “Did you see that?” “I saw that bebe, I handed you the pencil. I also saw your goal, superstar!” You couldn’t control your grin, which was mirrored by your girlfriend. “You played so well! Alex!” You're interrupted as she drags you over the fencing and pulls you into a bear hug. Her face nuzzled into your neck, her body vibrating with excitement. “I scored for you conejito!” she says “Well, hija, I won’t be offended, I have only been to every game you’ve played for 10 years” Jaume appears above you both still in the stands, smiling teasing his lips. “And you papa!” she releases you and pulls her papa into a hug. Dragging you back in after a moment before declaring that her first goal means that she deserves pizza and ice cream courtesy of her papa. 

Through the summer and the fall We had each other, that was all Just she and I together Like it was meant to be

You finished your college course and your love for art had never died. You made the trip to Valencia wherever possible to see Alex and she came back to Barna at least once a month to see her family and you on an off weekend. You would spend those weekends living at Alexias house, soaking up every moment together as much as possible. 

She would bring her clothes home for Eli to wash as she was useless at anything practical. You would make sure that you would always snag a sweater of hers before it was washed and keep hold of it, soaking in her scent before you could swap it out again. Alexia, used to pretend she hated it, they would always be returned with paint stains around the cuffs which would harden and she said irritated her skin.  You tried to be more careful but you didn’t stop stealing them.

You saw the same amount of her family as before she moved away, your lives had been so intrinsically linked that you had become an honorary Putellas, and she was a part of your family. You hung around with Alba and you helped Eli with her shopping when her car broke down. You were family.

Weirdly enough, it was you that met Alexia's future best friend first. After college, you started to make money from your art by being a live artist at weddings.

You knew your parents were worried about what you would do with your art. Teaching was the obvious choice but with your speech issues, it was your idea of hell.

This was perfect.

It was a niche business but you got paid well and you loved it. You got to go to weddings for a job. You got to capture people's joy on the most important day of their lives.  You would sit in the corner with an easel set up, sketching and painting guests, the dance floor, the top table. And you could immediately give your paintings to the couple and their guests, the validation was enormous, you were good at what you did. Discreet and professional.

You soon get a client list for miles and the money starts to pour in.

It was at one of these weddings that you met Mapi. She caught your eye during the speeches and you started to draw her outline. She was clearly very very gay at a very straight wedding. But it wasn’t just that that caught your eye, her tattoos intrigued you. And you loved sketching them and adding hints of colour here and there.

She looked up at you and caught you sketching, as guests often would, you were able to not let it distract you, ever the professional you offered a gentle smile.

“You like football?” a heavily accented voice reached your ears as you were adding the finishing touches to the dancefloor scene that was set out before you.

“Que?” It wasn’t often that guests interacted with you, but sometimes it happened.

“Your bag, FC Barcelona? That's not usual for a pretty girl like you, to like football.”

“Ah, Si.” You reply, your eyes not moving from your painting. “It’s my girlfriends.” you reply, emphasising your relationship status, not wanting a moment of confusion.

“Ah, boo, you have ruined my fun.” She replies, “Maria Leon '' She introduces herself, hand out for you to shake, you don’t take her hand, handing your paint-y hands up. She holds her hands up in surrender. “I see, I see. FC Barcelona though. Good team. No women's team though.”

“No, but there will be, and my girlfriend will be their top scorer when it happens”  you reply confidently. “You seem so sure?” “I am.” She lets out a laugh. “I can’t argue with that, then I will be their best defender” she offers a huge smile. Mapis smile is magic and makes you smile.

You and Mapi become firm friends. She talks. And talks and talks and talks. You don’t know how she has so much to say. But she is fun and she is kind. Your stutter makes an appearance as it sometimes does but it is perfectly offset by her inability to stop yapping. You don’t feel a pressure to fill the silence because you know she will. 

Years later, at a supercup final, you will both laugh about your first conversation. About how both of your statements came true. Turns out, people paid well for authentic paintings of their favourite moments. And as a young adult you found yourself with enough money to get yourself a small apartment in Mollet. You loved it. And you loved the independence it brought you. You think that was the happiest time of your life. You would spend days on your sun drenched terracotta tiled balcony. Painting watercolour and sketching the scenes both in your mind and your view over the square that your apartment was on. You had quite the online following and would get some commissions for your art which brought you a sense of purpose and joy. The absolute best time was when Alexia had a free weekend, or a break, she would stay with you and you would live in domestic bliss. It was an unspoken agreement. No question that she would make her base for her time back at your apartment. Even when she wasn’t there you wouldn’t sleep on her side of the bed. More of her clothes made their way into your closet. More of her sweaters would get paint marks on them. You would cook together, sing together, dance together in your small kitchenette. Feeling happy and in love as only young people can. Nothing gets between you. Training had been kind to your girlfriend, and you struggled to keep your eyes off her as she would do basic tasks. She was thick. For want of a better word. Her gangly limbs had become pure muscle, her back would ripple when putting on a t-shirt, you would find yourself staring at her forearms as she would cut vegetables. She knew what she did to you and she loved it. Often sending a wink your was and sending you into more of a stuttering mess then usual, heat climbing to your face. You felt your heart grow as you would go shopping for groceries together. Take strolls in the square, you sitting on a bench and sketching as she inevitably got herself involved in a football game with the local kids. Her favourite time of day would be Friday nights. Often, if she was lucky, she would be scheduled an early kick off on fridays. You would travel back from the game together with her papi. You took the backseat as you knew you would monopolise her time back all weekend. Giving her a chance to catch up with her family. You would get home, she would shower whilst you made a light dinner, both taking it in on the balcony before moving inside and settling on the couch. She would put on some illegally screened recordings of the game she had played in. But she would mute it as she pulled you into her chest. You would have a sketchbook in hand and continue working on your art, or a piece from a wedding that needed finishing up. You always told her the commentary wouldn’t distract you. But she insisted. Once finally saying, “I like the sound of your pencil, it soothes me, and sometimes you trace the sketch on my leg with your free hand. It gives me goosebumps. I like it.” you never asked again. You argued, of course, like any couple did. But it never lasted long. Alex would get angry when she would find paint in the sink, and you would struggle to share your space at first. But you never went to bed in a fight. Even if you tried to be stubborn your body would fail you and you would gravitate towards her in the moments before sleep, muttering your apologies or forgiveness. In those early days of young adulthood it would be the only time in your relationship where you had more money than Alex. 

Football did not pay well. It did not pay a living wage. 

You didn’t care. 

You felt privileged every time you scanned your card for the groceries, or paid for dinner on a date. You knew she hated it though. “One day conejito, I will give you everything life can offer, I promise” she would whisper into your skin whilst she tried to make it up to you in other ways. You would always tell her you had everything you needed right there with you. It was perfect. Life was perfect. You had friends, a stable job, the love of your life. Yes, distance was hard, yes, each time she left you would cry and hold her tighter to you, but you knew it wasn’t forever, and you never felt that distance in your relationship. You grew together, like a plant, your love was carefully cultivated in experiences and shared memories.

And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her And I knew that she loved me

You had never felt sadness like it. It was all encompassing. You couldn’t get away from it. You were sad for your chosen family. You were sad for your own family. You were sad for yourself. But you were devastated for your girlfriend. You didn’t know what to do with so much sadness. You couldn’t hold it in, but you couldn’t let it out. You needed to be strong for your girlfriend. Who was walking around as a shell of the person that you knew her to be. Well, that was when she was walking, she would throw herself into her childhood bedroom and stay there silently for hours. You would be okay with it if she was sleeping, but she just stared at the wall aimlessly. Her Papa was her inspiration. The reason she got into football. She would look up to him even as she towered over him. And it was so so cruel that he had been taken away from her in such a manner. A week after Jamues passing you found yourself next to Alexia at his funeral. It was a beautiful affair, a celebration of the life of a man who loved hard and was loved hard. The morning had been difficult, you had ironed Alexia's dress and set it out for her. She took your instruction like a small child, you brushed her hair straight and pulled it out from her face. You struggled to speak. Such immense grief you felt the words became garbled in your mouth, rendering you mute. But you didn’t want any pressure on Alexia. 

You knew when your stutter made an appearance she would drop everything, concentrate on doing your exercises with you, hand automatically cupping your jaw and massaging the soft area beneath your ear because she knew that relaxed your facial muscles. So you both moved around silently. That morning. As you guided her around what needed to be done. As you packed her bag with tissues you hoped that you needed to use them. You hadn’t seen her cry since she rushed home from Valencia to the news. So no, you didn’t know what to do with your grief. You loved him too. He was the first person you had loved and lost. You had your own special relationship built from long car journeys and shared snacks. He would put your art on his fridge like you were one of his own. He was kind and he was half of the person who you loved to your core. God. If you felt like this. You don’t know how Alexia was still breathing. You had been spending all week as the Putellas household. Not leaving Alex's side. But also not leaving Alba, who would lean heavily into you of an evening, seemingly crying all of the tears that her sister couldn’t. It felt healthy though, through the tears you could share memories and make her laugh. You would go to bed with Alex and the silence would continue. When you were sure she was asleep you would sneak out of bed and grab your sketch pad, settle into the corner of the room and just let it out. Her dad told you once at a game how his father worked as a coal miner. He said it proudly, he adored hard work. That's where Alexia got her devotion from. It was a passing moment, a memory that you didn't even know you had. But it stuck with you as you went into the Putellas garden and took a lump of coal from the barbeque and settled yourself into the dewey grass. Hand not stopping over your sketchpad and tears rolling down your cheeks.

The night after the funeral you stayed at your own parents house. You couldn’t handle the loneliness of your own apartment. You didn’t want to intrude at the Putellas residence, and you hoped that maybe some time with her family would be what Alexia needed to open up. You were right, but not in the way you imagined. A soft clink, clink, clink, woke you up, This time you were not frightened. You had heard this noise before. You immediately jumped out of bed and ran to your window, showing it open and shoving your head out. “Alex! What are you doing here, why didn’t you use your key?” The brunette looked up at you with sad eyes, you saw she was in her pyjamas, eyes sideways showing no car, she had walked here. “I forgot it.” she let out, morosely. “Oh mi amor, no p..p..problem, hold on I will come down and let you in.” before you had a chance to bring your body back into the house you heard her again, “You left me.” your heart cracked into two. You didn’t reply but instead hurried downstairs into the moonlit garden. She stood there, with all her muscle and height, looking everything like a toddler who was lost in a supermarket. You took her hand in yours and used your other to cup her cheek. “Oh, mi amor I didn’t leave you, I thought you wanted some space.” Maybe you expected her to agree, maybe you expected her to disagree and shout at you for getting it so wrong. You didnt realise that you were to her, like an umbrella in the rain, protecting her from the downpour. With you gone she drowned in the grief. You didn’t expect her lip to tremble and her to burst into tears. “I want my papa.”  Those 4 words broke your heart as you huddled her into your arms, rocking lightly to bring her confort. There was nothing you could say, you just brought her into your bed and held her as she cried, painting her skin with whispers of your love “I know, bebe, I know, I promise it’ll pass, I promise, and I will be here. The pain will go. It will pass Alex and I will be here.” It became a mantra that you whispered into her skin.

As she calmed down you took a moment to think. As you got out of bed and she groaned in annoyance you hushed her with your lips to her skin. “Un momento, mi amor, I have something for you.”

You presented it nervously, unsure of the reaction you would get.

It was a framed picture that you had created. Not like your usual artwork as it was made from coal. Coal from the Putellas barbecue to be exact. It was a sketch of a man in the stands of a football stadium, somehow, eyes beaming with pride, laugh lines visible on his face. A footballer with a long ponytail and similar features jumping into his arms.

It was a scene you had witnessed hundreds of times throughout the years. You didn’t need to see it again to create it. The coal added a haunting and beautiful dimension to it. When you explained your reasoning Alexia looked deeply into your eyes. Holding onto the frame with white knuckles like her life depended on it.

“I love you.” 

And when Alexia scored and helped her team to win the U19 Championship for her country not 3 weeks later. Celebrating with eyes to the sky, fingers pointed. You knew that, eventually, she would be okay. 

So the years went by I stayed the same But she began to drift away I was left alone Still, I waited for the day When she'd say, "I will always love you"

It was as though it had been destined for years but finally finally the news came that Barcelona FC would have a women's team. Mapi had texted you with glee when the news broke out, she knew that she was stuck in her own contract but the fact it existed made it a possibility for her dreams to come true. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, was a free agent. You thought, privately, that even if she wasn't a free agent that she would break every law on planet earth to play for her childhood club. She was offered a contract and signed without any hesitation. A mist in her eyes at the missing presence in her signing photos. You drove with Alba to collect her and all her things from a year in Valencia directly to your apartment. As you unpacked her stuff, Alba on a food run with money you had shoved into her hand, your small flat suddenly felt full. “Alex,” You called, from the living room, you heard her shuffle around and pop her head into the bedroom where you stood, surrounded by boxes. “Si, conejito?” she asked, breathlessly. You took in her smile, that you had missed over the months, the light in her eyes, the ease of her movements. “I am just asking, I don’t actually remember asking you to move in?” You say, teasingly, gesturing to her boxes surrounding you. It was true, you hadn’t, it had just been assumed by both of you, as well as both of your families. A blush rose up her neck, “I mean… I-i-..”. You burst out laughing. “I am just teasing you”. A glint in her eyes took over and you had half a second to brace yourself before you were tackled by an almost 6ft wall of muscle. You landed gently on the bed with a thump. “Well, light of my life. I think it’s too late for that. Maybe I can make up for my rudeness.” Her voice takes on a sultry tone, attacking your neck with kisses, making you groan. “No, No, No, No, stop it you two! Why is this my life!” Well. Alba was back, You groaned as Alexias full body weight fell onto you as she heard her sister. You had a feeling you both had plenty of time to make up for it. Living with Alexia full time was natural. You had obviously had practice from the year she spent in Valencia but you didn’t realise how easy it would be. You knew where to step to not fall over her boots in the hallway without looking. 

You amended your grocery show to include all her weird protein-packed foods. She would help you get ready for work in your evening gowns that you had to wear to fit in at the weddings, and she would stay up to make sure you got home safe and listened as you babbled on about your favourite parts, all the while taking it in for ideas for your own wedding. You continued to make money at weddings, Alexia rose through the ranks at the new Barcelona Femini team. Quickly establishing herself as a calm and serious captain. 

She took her role seriously,  she would study games religiously at home as you would paint or sketch. Your easel set up in the living room or on the balcony. She would rub your shoulders as you painted, eyes set on the TV at the game. The shared time doing your own activities matched you both perfectly. And just like that, years passed. Years in domestic bliss. Spent together and with your families. Vacations in Ibiza and even a pet cat called Pablo Petcatso, or Pabs for short, entered your little family unit. He was a ginger cat who loved a cuddle and loved getting into Alexia's kit bag, he even made it to the training once or twice, and you had to drive over there to pick him back up. Dragging him away from 22 cooing footballers. 

Women's football grew, as did Alexia's paycheck. And with that, you think, looking back, as did the cracks in your relationship.

“We're here!” Alexias excited voice explained, you had pulled up outside a tall apartment building in the centre of Barcelona. She hadn’t shared with you where you were going. Insisting it needed to be a surprise.

“And where is here?” you looked up at the towering glass building above you, you didn’t come into the city much, you preferred the quiet of your suburb.

“You’ll see, you’ll see!” Her excitement was catching, and you found yourself giddy as the elevator took you further into the skies of the city.

“Ta-da!” She presents a huge open plan space before you, the glass fronted living room has views over the city to the sea. You could count at least 3 bedrooms from where you stood in the hallway. The kitchen was sleek, straight lines and clean granite. 

“What is this place?” you ask, confused, taking in your surroundings. “It's our new apartment!” What? “What?” you breathe out. “Don’t you love it?!” Alexia remains giddy, her excitement not fading and she fails to notice your unenthused reaction. Your mind whirred. “Come look, come look!” she grabbed your hand, and pulled you further into the apartment. Proudly presenting each room to you. “And this room. I thought you could have it as your art studio!” “Art studio?” you whisper. “Yeah! Isn’t it so cool, and so much space. Now I wont get cross at you for getting paint all over the kitchen! Pabs will have so much room to explore!” She turns around and pulls you into her embrace, you are still shellshocked at everything presented to you. “I promised you, didn’t I? I would give you the world conejito.” Her eyes are so bright with joy, the smile so wide on her face, you couldn’t help but smile. Yes, the sleek lines, the large space, and the modern kitchen were beautiful. You didn’t see it for yourself, you preferred your terracotta tiled balcony and your plants overtaking your kitchenette. You loved painting in your living room when Alexia would watch a match. Pabs crawling over your shoulders, your little bubble with your family. But you could see how proud Alex was of herself, of what she had achieved. You must have taken a moment too long, as her eyebrows furrow. “You don’t like it.” you said, plainly, “No… No Alex, I do! I was just so surprised. I love it, and I love you.” “Yeah?” her eyes brighten again. You kiss her lips softly, “Yeah.” “Good! And think conejito, maybe one day there would be room for a bigger family?” she asks, shyly. Your heart melted as you nodded frantically and threw yourself into her embrace. As Alexia's career grew, so did the pressure on her. She was often away, it was something your whole relationship had survived, but now, being away with both club and country, as well as in an apartment that had never truly felt like home. You felt lonely. You would come home from weddings with only Pabs to greet you, you would create art in your studio without the background noise of Alexia watching a game, or preparing a smoothie. She would do that in the living area. Nights together were rarer. Your love never dimmed. Alexia showed you in her every movement that she adored you. Date nights, whilst few and far between, were the highlight of your week. Though that soon became the highlight of your month. The one saving grace during this time was that Mapi had finally joined Barcelona Femini and you took it on yourself to be her personal Barcelona guide. As Alexia's fame grew, you shied more into the background. You weren't an extrovert. You would never hide your relationship and you never asked Alexia to but the only social media that you had was that to promote your artwork. Meanwhile, Alexia's followers grew and grew. A few crazed fans had deep dived into her archives and knew of you but that was only a portion of the fanbase. She hated the delving into her private life, and that caused her to stop posting anything of you onto her public accounts. Any trace of you, gone. Before being a footballer, in Alex’ mind, she was your protector, that hadn’t changed from 15 years ago. With 2021 came great change. All of the years of dreams and hard work had paid off and Barca had reached the champions league final. You travelled to Gothenburg with Eli and Alba, a nervousness in your stomach more than usual. For both your girlfriend and your best friend. You celebrated the win with a euphoria you had rarely felt. Everything felt worth it. The lonely nights, the travel around the country, the sacrifices you had to make as the partner of La Reina.

And as she pulled you into her arms after the final whistle, and pulled you over the barricade the same way she did when she scored her first professional goal your heart couldn’t swell more with pride. You don’t want to say that Alexia changed after the Ballon D’or. Because she didn’t. Well, maybe she did, she suddenly sported bright blonde locks which, you admit was sexy, but you missed the softness her natural hair gave her face. By the second Ballon D’or you thought maybe it was you that changed. Maybe it was you that put up a barrier. One that couldn’t be identified easily. But with study it could be noticed. The problem was that Alex wasn’t there to notice. Yeah, you were together, you did things together, you made love and you made memories. You went back to Mollet regularly and ate with your families and you went to games with Alba.  But Alexia was busy. She had brand deals, she had interviews, she had achieved her dream of being the best footballer in the world. You knew she was since you were 12. But now the world knew too. And the world wanted her attention. 

Oftentimes she was exhausted when she got home. She didn’t want to cuddle on the couch. She didn't want to walk around the plaza. She didn’t want to hear about your day. She would ask, but you could tell her mind was elsewhere, in some contract somewhere, so you started to lie. To give answers which would satisfy her without arousing suspicion. Always trying to put her ease first. 

You would decline for nights out with her teammates, you even lied once or twice and said you had a wedding to paint, just to avoid suspicion. Alexia would take your answer as the truth, and kiss your cheek lightly as she left the apartment which quickly felt like it had become your prison. Mapi could see through you. She would try to get you to talk, but she was Alexia's team mate. Alex was her captain. It didn’t feel right to discuss your relationship issues with her. Not when you wouldn’t even talk to the woman in question about it. You found yourself in the familiar seats of the Johan Cryuff stadium taking in the first home game of the new season. Alba and Eli by your side. The first game was always a family affair. With the Putellas cousins in attendance, a restaurant booked for this evening for you all. It was an easy win for the Champions of Europe. And as you stood with Mapi and her new girlfriend Ingrid at the end of the match chatting, Patri bounded over, sweat on her brow and joy in her eyes. “Hola Senora La Reina” she teased you, kissing your cheek, you had been around the team so much that they all knew you well. “Ay, Idiota, hands off” and large, familiar hands wrapped around your middle, a kiss planted to your other cheek as you melted into her embrace. “Congrats bebe” you muttered, craning you neck you see her looking down at you with a smile. “Senora Reina, you’ll come out for drinks with us to celebrate the win, won’t you?” Parti asked, full of joy. 

The attention of the 4 footballers on you suddenly unsettled you. Maybe it was the busy environment. Maybe it was being with Ingrid who you’d only met a few times. Maybe it was Alexias hands around you for the first time in what felt like months. But you struggled to get your words out. “Ah, gra…grac…gracias  for the invite diablo, but m…m…me…” “She’s coming out with mi familia Patri, it’s tradition! You know that! Vamos, I will come out quickly for a drink then join you all, conejito” Alexia interrupted you, planted a final kiss on your cheek and headed to the changing rooms. She didn’t feel you freeze in her embrace. She didn’t see Patri and Mapis expressions change. She didn’t see Ingrid's look of confusion. You felt sick. You felt like you were about to burst into tears. Your throat burned and you struggled to swallow. 

You felt small. You shuffled your feet on the ground and looked up to see Mapis' face had grown furious, her girlfriend's arm had come to rest over her shoulders, trying to settle her but unsure why. You went straight into damage control. Alexia has protected you your entire life. She had never interrupted you, she knew you couldn’t stand when people would finish your sentences. It was the worst thing you could do to someone with a stutter. She knew that. You don’t know why Alexia's endless patience ran out that day. But you knew you wanted to protect her from your best friend's rage. You knew it would happen one day, you just wish it had happened without any witnesses. For both of your sakes. “Mapi, it's fine.” “It is not fine!” Patri backs away from the situation with a kiss to your cheek and an apologetic look. “I don’t know what's wrong with her lately. I am going to kill her…” she moves towards the changing rooms but you pause her with a soft hand. “Maps, please don’t. It’s f…f…okay. I am okay. Ju…just go get changed and go on your night out. I will t..text you tomorrow. Please.” You look to Ingrid for help, you don’t know her well but she has the power over Mapi seemingly, and as she guides her to the changing rooms the small Spaniard seems to settle down. 

Not enough though, apparently, because as soon as she sees her captain again, a flicker of that rage comes back to her. “What the fuck is wrong with you!” Mapi hisses to her captain, “Maria, stop” Ingrid tugged her by the elbow, trying to take her away. Alexia looked up from her phone with a look of indignation, yes she was Mapis friend but she was still her captain, and they were in front of the whole team. Her defensive wall immediately came up. “Discuple?” Her eyes cast across the changing room, their team mates continued to get changed and pretended they weren’t eaves dropping into the mini argument that had developed.

“I said, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Mapi spat out. “Why did you interrupt her?” Something in Alexia's stomach dropped. Her hands become clammy, her body reacting to the accusation before her mind could. “What? I didn’t. I would never.” she whispers in reply, but more to herself. “No, No I didn't.” she said more surely, somewhat desperately. 

Mapi takes in her best friend's demeanour, the usually stoic and strong captain looked devastated, maybe even petrified? Mapi knew what she had done, but could see that Alexia would punish herself more than Mapi ever could. She stepped away, guided by Ingrid. Leaving Alexia to replay the last 10 minutes, desperately. Mapi saw the moment that realisation came to the Catalan Captain, as she bolted out of the changing room, hair damp, throwing her shirt on as she sprinted back into the stadium. Which is where she found you, moments later. You were sitting in the friends and family section, Alexias new baby cousin settled onto your knee, playing with your hands and babbling to himself. You made cooing noises and spoke softly to him and all her Tias and Tios got rounded up for your meal out. You felt her presence behind you, you could practically feel her anxiety coming off her in waves. You looked back quickly and confirmed your suspicions, her blonde hair damp and wetting her shoulders, her foot twisting against the concrete floor, hands knotted together and bottom lip drawn into her lip, chewing anxiously. “It’s fine Alex.” you said, as you turned, attention back on the baby in your lap. She must have seen this acknowledgement as her body surged towards you, she loudly collapsed into the seat next to you, the anxiety coming off her in waves. “Conej…” she started. “No Alex, I pr…pr… I swear. It’s okay. But I’m currently holding the ba…bab…ba… child.” you take a sigh. “I am holding the child and I don’t want to cry so p…please. It’s okay.” If it's possible. She looked even more devastated. Her whole face collapsed. She hated when you would revert to old techniques to speak, by changing up your words mid sentence. Alexia was your protector. It was her proudest badge. Before she was a footballer, in her mind, she was your partner. And she had let you down. She had done the worst thing she could have done. To an outsider Alexia's moment of impatience may have been a minor indiscretion at most. But to you? To Alex? It was the basis of your whole relationship. You felt safe with her. You had a voice, she said, all those years ago when you fell in love, and you deserved to be heard. And now she has brought that into question. “Can I touch you?” she asked, gently. This brought tears to your eyes and you nodded, whilst still entertaining the baby in your lap with coo’s and a false smile. She touched your knee, the heat of her hand bleeding into your skin. “You don’t need to mask in front of me y/f/n.” Alexia never used your name. “Please. Use the words you want to use. I am here to listen. Always.” You are interrupted as Alexias Tia comes to claim her baby, who you hand back with a last pat on the stomach and raspberry to the cheek. You are trying to avoid the next 5 minutes you know will happen. Alexia is somewhat rude when her Tia offers her congratulations, eyes boreing into your head. You sweep your hair back as you face her, having had a moment to think you get your words out easier. “Alex, it’s okay. It was bound to happen one day. Don’t worry about it. Please. Go out with your friends. I will go to the meal as planned. I promise. Alba will drive me home later.” “No.” Alexia says desperately, clutching your hand in hers, “Let’s just go home, amor. Please.” “Ale I made a promise to your mami. I am going to eat. I will see you later.” you press a kiss to her cheek and wander off towards her family.  As she stands, watching you interact with her sister and her mami, her teammates call her over. She feels torn. She just wants to go home with you. She just wants to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you in her arms. Safe. But you don’t want that right now, so she turns to do as instructed. Throwing one more glance your way, missing Albas worried face as she wipes a tear from your cheek.

Lonely and forgotten Never thought she'd look my way And she smiled at me and held me Just like she used to do Like she loved me When she loved me

You came home early. You asked if Alba could drop you off as soon as you had finished your meal. She was happy to oblige, worried about your silence the entire meal. You were looking down at your phone as you entered your apartment. Assuring Mapi again that you were fine and she should enjoy her drinks. You go to flick on the light in the living area when a stream of light below the door of your studio distracts you. You push the door open cautiously and see Alexia standing there, looking at your work in progress. It was different to your usual work. A close up sketch of a hand, wrapped around a flower, tenderly, it was in the early stages, you could see the lines of the palm and the blades of grass in the field behind. It was mounted onto canvas on your easel and the splashes of colour you had started to add contrasted against the paleness of the room. She hadn’t heard you enter, too lost in the image before her, but Pabs making a run for the door as it opened brought her attention to you. As you stand there, under her gaze, you struggle to remember the last time you saw Alexia in your studio. Yeah she would bob in to let you know dinner was ready, or that she was heading out, but she didn’t come in often enough to take in your work anymore. Now it wasn’t forced on her in the living space. It seemed Alexia had the same realisation as she broke her gaze with you and gestured towards your painting, and then further, to your desk overlooking the window, where more of your work lay. “You’re amazing. I didn’t… I.” a deep breath. “I hadn’t forgotten but I think I… Got lost? Somewhere along the way?” you tilt your head curiously. You don’t know what she’s talking about. “I have been a bad partner to you.” 

“Alex…” “No. I have. And I’m not interrupting you but I won’t let you lie to protect me.” her eyes go again to your easel. “You’re amazing. You are so talented. You are filled with so much kindness. You deserve so much more than this.” her eyes fill with tears and she looks at you. “I tried. You know? I promise I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought this,” she gestures towards you and around you “was what you deserved. And it is. But more than that you deserve everything.” She takes a step towards you and grasps your hands with hers, her hands are cold, you note. As you take her in you see dried tear tracks down her cheeks, and… damp hair. “Alexia, did you not go out with the team?” “How do you think that I could go out with the team after what I did?” she asks, aghast. The reminder of the way the evening went washes over you. Alexia panics when she sees your eyes fill with tears. And she pulls you into her chest. “I am so, so sorry mi amor. I am so sorry” she whispers into your hair. “I have broken something sacred between us. And I will never forgive myself.” she swears to you. Though that doesnt bring you any joy. “I forgive you Alex.” she shakes her head in despair, joining you in tears. “You said it was bound to happen someday,” she starts, “Do not think like that amor. It was not. This is not your fault. In any way. It is mine. Please don’t think that, you deserve to be heard. I am so so sorry. So sorry. I will never do it again, promesa.”  All you can do is nod into her chest.

She pulls you from the room and settles you both into the sofa, keeping the light off, only the skyline of the city illuminating your living room through the large, glassed wall. 

She lets you cry into her t-shirt, soaking it more than her damp hair, and through the darkness you pull away and take in her face, she looks youthful. Gone, the professional make up, the expensive jewellery, and hair darkened by the dampness from her shower. You take in a large choked breath. “We need to talk.” you let out. Fear takes over her features and she starts to shake her head. “No, Mi Conejito please no, don’t do this.” she wails. It is a heart wrenching sound. She thinks she's going to be sick. “Woah, woah, woah” you place your hands on her cheeks and pull her panicked eyes to yours; “Mi amor I am not breaking up with you.” you state, clearly. “I am not. Now breathe with me.” Her eyes steady from their darting around the room in fear, and you place your hand on her chest, making her breathe with you. “Okay, okay… okay. Yes, please. Talk to me.” she begs, trying to get oxygen back into her lungs.  “I feel alone. I feel… sa…sad. A lot of the time. And I know… you y…you aren’t doing it on pur…purpose.” Your girlfriend looks heartbroken. Like she had just found out her entire family had died. But refuses to interrupt you as you speak. But you have needed this conversation for so long, that the words start to tumble out of you. Getting lodged in your throat. Har large hand comes up to that familiar place, and massages the soft tissue behind your jaw. Trying to help you without interrupting. “You aren’t doing it on purpose.” you repeat. She pauses for a moment and doesn't ask what you thought she would. “Why am I making you anxious?” she asks, cutting through your thoughts. You move away from her and settle your elbows to your knees. Rubbing your face as you feel a large hand settle onto your back. You hated your stutter. You hated that it ruled your life, but most of all you hated how it exposed you. You were like a child who can’t hide a blush in front of their crush. “You aren’t, Alexia.” “Alex.” she corrects, “I am Alex to you” she insists, “your Alex. It’s just me, mi amor.” she looks at you desperately. “I feel alone, you are never here, and when you are here physically, you aren’t here in your head. Your head is in the clouds, it is with your agent, with your coach, it is not with me.” you’ve started now, so you won’t be able to stop yourself “it is me and Pabs and, even though you're dumb as bricks bebe, you're a better conversationalist than him” you try to joke, a half smile on your face. Which she matches, hand not stopping her ministrations on your back. 

“I cannot remember the last time we just sat together, the last time that we cooked together. Can you Alex?” you don’t receive a reply, 

“I haven’t had your eyes, look at me, really look at me for months. You give your time so easily to those around you, your team mates, people I see you out with at events. I can’t blame you, this is what you always dreamed of. But… I miss you.” Your speech is strong now; “and I love you. That will never change. But you need to know how I am feeling. So it's fair to you. I feel as though you are bigger than the world. And I am just the girl you saved in the art room.” She is openly crying now. “Don’t say that, you are everything” she mumbled, through tears. 

She knew that she had been busy. But she didn’t realise the damage that she had done. She had been to events, you had been at her side. But. When was the last time she asked about a wedding you’d worked? God, you used to sit for hours describing the beautiful scenes, and she’d store away ideas for your own wedding.  The last gallery you had shown at? When had she last visited your mami and papi, who had been there for her her entire life? She kept you off social media for your protection, but she didn’t mean to erase you. When had she become so god damn selfish. “Amor, I think that somewhere along the way, I had forgotten, and forgotten to remind you. There are more important things than football. Well. Football is second”.

You are thrown back to a memory, a school championship 15 years ago, sat on the bleachers watching your school get destroyed. The lanky football captain sat by your side. You can’t help it but tears fill your eyes. You missed her. That girl. The one you were and the one she was. “But.. you told me once, that I could have both.” she whispered, into your neck, “and you can, Alex. Of course you can. But you have to want both. And at the moment. It feels. It feels like you don’t want me.” “No! Mi Amor, Mi Vida, Mi Conejito. You are everything. Eres mi mundo. I am nothing without you.” she takes a breath, deep and shuddering. “I will fix this. Thank you for telling me how you feel. I have a chance to fix this. Si?” she asks, desperately. You nod, “Of course Alex, and it's for both of us to fix, I should have said something sooner.” She refuses your admittance of guilt and drags you into bed. She sticks to you like a second skin. Moves with you to brush your teeth. Standing waiting whilst you use the toilet. She places a fresh glass of water on your bedside table.You want to tell her to give you a bit of space, but the fear in her eyes prevents you from doing so. As soon as you crawl into your side of the bed she has pulled you into her embrace and the warmth that fills you goes beyond the shared body heat. For the first time in a long time, you wake up in the strong arms of Alexia. She hasn’t moved in the night an inch, and you take a moment to take her in. This is what you missed. Just breathing the same air as her. Just existing in the same space. As though she can feel you looking at her she begins to stir. Taking a moment to come to her senses, her arms grip you tighter around your waist. “Hola, Mi amor” she whispers into the air. Your response is a kiss to her lips, which she steals, hungrily. As you deepen the kiss you feel her begin to pull away. “Lo siento, mi amor, we cannot get carried away. Things to do.” your heart hurts again. You roll off the taller girl and reach for your phone as a distraction. 

You thought, maybe, just maybe, for today at least. You would spend the day together. “Things to do!” she repeats, jumping out of bed with glee. “Where’s your passport”. That grabs your attention. “Que?” you ask, confusingly. “Your passport amor, Vamos!” She had long ago left the bed, and had started moving around the room, picking up various bags which had definitely not been there when you went to bed and moving them into the hallway. She was like a ball of energy, she stripped off her oversized t-shirt she had worn to bed, leaving her standing in just her boxers. Your eyes widened at the sight. Well, you think, at least all the time not spent with you was doing something good. You find yourself in a trance, practically salivating at your view.

A change of clothes being thrown at your head brings you out of your stupor. “Dressed. Go.” Alexia teases you, definitely having caught you starting. This makes you finally start to move as you shrug on the jogging bottoms and hoodie she threw at you. Happily, you note, it's one of hers that you’ve already destroyed with paint marks on the cuffs. “Why do you need my passport Alex? What's with the bags?” “We’re going on vacation!” That stops you, half in, and half out of your hoodie. Getting yourself stuck. “Vacation?” you ask, voice muffled by the fabric. You hear Alexia make her way over to you, then feel her gently pull you free from your fabric prison. “Si…” she gently tells you. A look overcomes her face which you can’t distinguish, then she kisses your nose, softly. “Vacation. Just me and you amor.”

“But what about work?” you ask, still catching up. “You don’t have anything booked for 6 days, I checked your calendar. And where we are going, you can bring all your art things if you need them. I’ve packed the basics in my carry-on already.” “Not my work. Alex, your work. You have a busy week.” at this point you seem to have lost her attention as she turns to your question dismissively. “I cancelled it.” she replies, simply. “You cancelled it.” you repeat. “Si.” “Alexia! Have you lost your mind! You have training, you have that meeting with Oakley - you have the pre-euros media to do! You have a game in 3 days”  you reel off her calendar, watching as she continues to dress and pack her toiletries. She heaves out a sigh and turns back to you.

“Conejito, I know what I had, you don’t need to tell me I have just spent all night cancelling all of them. I spoke to Jona and he’s happy for me to miss the game. The rest of it doesn’t matter.” she moves closer to you again, “So no, I have not lost my mind. But, I did almost lose you, so please. Please tell me where your passport is so we can get on the plane I booked. Mapi will be here in a moment to take Pabs for the week.”  You find yourself standing there, stunned. She seemingly had thought of everything. You look into the hall at the bags packed there ready to go. Pabs sniffed them curiously. She’s looking at you with wide, expecting eyes. There's nothing else for you to do you suppose. As you turn from her and open your bedside table,  a smile can’t be kept off your face, you turn triumphantly with your passport held high. “Voila!” you present it to her; “What are you waiting for then Alex! We've got a plane to catch!” as you scurry out of the room and you hear the front door knock. Alexias cackle behind you. Alexia was always full of surprises when she wanted to be and she remained tight lipped all the way to the airport, refusing to tell you your destination. 

You assumed it would be one of the islands somewhere, with the size of her luggage maybe somewhere farther afield, sun, sea and a pool somewhere promised. But she shocked you. When you got to the check in desk and realised you were flying to Switzerland you could have been knocked down with a feather. Your Alex, who was upset when she even had to wear a bikini top in the month of August, has booked for you to go to Switzerland? 

She ignored your curious stare and just continued to sweet talk the check in lady, upgrading you to business class. As you descended hours later, between the snow peaked mountains against a stunning orange sun you couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your hands itched to claim the sketch book from Alexias carry on. Soon, after collecting your luggage and Alexia picking up a hire car that has also been pre booked (seriously did this girl sleep at all the night before?), you found yourself being driven through a mountain forest, as a lodge that seemed to cling to the mountainside came into view, isolated and beautiful. You stood on the wooden balcony, hands gripping a warm drink as you took in the view of the sun setting behind the mountains. “Look at that, Amor.” you felt, more than heard, whispered against your ear. Lips planting a kiss at your jaw as strong hands settle over your stomach. 

You fell back into her embrace. “It’s so beautiful.” you replied, eyes focused on the scene before you. “I saw this advert. Months ago.” she continued. “Just in the back of a catalogue at work. They will have the Euros near here, you know, 2025?” That made you snort with laughter. “Ah, I see Putellas, now it makes sense how you’ve been dragged from the beach, scoping out the environment are we? Anything for that competitive edge.” your teasing is clear in your voice. 

You feel a pinch on your stomach, “No, idiota,” though the laugh is clear in her voice. “I saw that advert and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It is so beautiful here.” you hum in agreement, “But what I could not get out of my head was that I wanted you to see it. I love seeing the world through your eyes.” 

She turns you in her embrace and she places a gentle kiss to your forehead as you feel her breathe you in. “You see things so beautifully, Amor, and then you paint them for the world to see. You are so special.” Your heart melts at the blonde, and you feel some of the despair that had settled into your stomach over the last months shrink. Here Alexia was, at work, flicking through some promotional material between interviews and training, and her thoughts are with you. “And I will not let you forget how special you are, ever. Never again”. You spent those days in pure bliss. You spend the days hiking - her pretending to be as tired as you at the peak of a mountain, she was a terrible actress but you appreciate the sentiment non the less - having picnics, exploring the mountain villages, and on one particularly spicy day, skinny dipping in an isolated mountain lake that a swiss teammate had told Alexia about. Evenings were spent looking up at the stars together, you firmly in alexias lap on the balcony, sharing a glass of wine which you held. She pointed out stars that her Papa had shown her and given silly names to, and you were there to catch her tears. She would complain only minimally that she was cold, and you would offer to warm her up and she would lead you gently into the bedroom. Nights spent in each other's embrace, sighs shared and no alarms to wake you. You would dance around the kitchen, play cards at the table, share wine and stories and just catch up. 

The pit in your stomach mended with each kiss, each peel of laughter and each stroke of the skin. 

One evening, after the skinny dipping adventure in which the footballer insisted that she must have hypothermia and had taken herself off over an hour ago telling you she wasn’t coming out of the warm shower until she had become a prune. You had started to add the finishing touches to a sketch of the scene beyond your lodges window when you felt the blonde return into the room, You eyed her quickly, flannel tartan pyjamas covering her tall frame, hanging over her wrists, matching shorts which are despicably short. Fuzzy socks on her feet. She looked absolutely adorable. 

You didn’t know why she was staring at you though, She moved towards you and you made space for her on the couch.  “You have your glasses on, Conejita.” she mumbled, and you reached up, as though to confirm they were on your face, “I didn’t know you still wore them.” You didn’t, too be honest, but with the long day of fresh air and a strong sun on the mountainside your eyes had grown tired. You shrugged at her, as she placed a soft kiss on your lips. Lovesick look in her eyes. “You’re so hot.” She mumbled, more to herself. You hear though, and the blush runs up your neck. 

You moved to get your work off your lap but she stopped you, pulling you back into her embrace and you automatically moved your knees up to rest your sketchbook there. “Carry on, please.” her chin rested on your shoulder. You hesitated, you didn’t come all this way to not spend time with the blonde, you wanted to soak in every minute. You wouldn’t be happy if she started to kick a ball around in the kitchen. She could sense your hesitation, “please. Remember, I like the sound of your pencil.” she moves your free hand to her bare thigh, “and it gives me goosebumps.” You fell in love again over those 6 days. You never fell out of it. But maybe you both just needed reminding. You felt whole, your communication about how you were feeling had worked, Alexia had listened. You just had one worry though, as the plane landed back in Barna you couldn’t hold it in. “Alex.” you said, before the seatbelt sign came on, gripping her arm lightly. “This was the best trip of my life. Thank you.” Her smile cracked her face, and she looked immensely proud of herself. “Mine too, Amor.” she agreed, easily, her face was peaceful . “But. I can’t go back to how things were again, si? I don’t think I could survive it, not after this week.” she's already shaking her head. “It won’t, I promise. I will not let that happen. Me and you, Si? That is all that is important” you take a moment, “And Pabs.” you amend for her, breaking the tension. “Si, of course” she rolls her eyes, “and Pablo Petcatso.” 

When somebody loved me Everything was beautiful Every hour we spent together Lives within my heart When she loved me

“Hey, Al?” you shout, into the living room as you enter your flat. It's been a few weeks since you returned from your impromptu get away. A busy few weeks. You have been booked up and Alex had to make up for the time she had lost, Barca were still in 4 competitions so the match load was heavy. You could see she was trying though, so that made the darkness that had started to creep back in more bearable. She wasn’t home from training yet. Which disappointed you more than usual. You were giddy. 

You had just found out that your art had been selected to be shown at a huge gallery opening in the centre of the city. An established and high-end gallery. It was a big deal, and it was potentially your big break. You got flutters in your stomach even thinking about the commissions it could make you. Pabs popped his head around the door and you picked him up giddily and span him around, his meow in response you took as a congratulations as you danced and laughed. You didn’t hear the door behind you open but you heard your favourite voice in the world, “And what have I walked into here, hey, a party with my favourite two? Without me?” Alexia laughed.  “Alex, we're celebrating!” you let Pabs free from your grip as he scurried away from his crazy mama. Her arms loop around you as you move into a slow dance, grinning up at her; “Ah, Si? And what are we celebrating?” “I got chosen! For the gallery!” Your feet leave the floor as the taller girl fully brings you into her arms, lifting you and spinning you around in glee, the squeal she lets out is full of childlike joy. “Of course you did! You are amazing!” she plops you back down and attacks your face with kisses. “I’m so proud of you Mi Amor and I am so excited to see your gallery. Oh I can get all dressed up and be your arm piece!” The thought brings you pure joy, the image of Alexia standing by your side, proudly, champagne in hand. Your Mami and Papi and Eli and Alba all present. Pabs in a little bow tie. “Si?” you ask, shyly, much more used to being by her side, “You’ll come? It is in 4 weeks. The 16th. You should be just starting on break.” A shadow of sadness passes her face at your insecurity, “Amor even if I was not on break I would not miss this for the world. If I had the world cup final I would call in sick. I will be there.  I will be the girl with the biggest bouquet of flowers in all of Barna with the lovesick look on her face.” It had been a whirlwind of a month, you had to put the finishing touches on your pieces. 

You have chosen to showcase your best landscapes. 

Scenes from the road to Valencia, The Square in Mollett, Beach Scenes in Barca, Snow capped mountains of Switzerland.

It was the story of your love for Alexia. Told through scenes only the two of you could understand the significance of. 

In the week leading up to the opening, you would spend late nights at the gallery, setting up lighting with Mapi and your Papi. Eli would walk around straightening frames on the walls. As you settled into bed each night, Alexia would open her arms and bring you into her warn embrace. 

You couldn’t wait to share your love story with the world. Alexia was having a bad day. It started bad. And continued to be bad. First, she woke up alone, which she hated. 

She recalled a kiss to the forehead and a whispered ‘I'll see you later’ before she'd dozed back off.  Then she realised that she had forgotten to charge her phone and was therefore late to training. Well. Not late for normal people. But late for Alexia. Then she forgot her socks and had to steal some of Irenes. She had a bad training session and Patri beat her in all their 1v1’s. And then the icing on the cake. She was dragged out from her gym session to do media which she hated. By the time she had finished the changing rooms were mostly empty, with only Pina and Patri left, scheming together in a corner.

“Ah now, Capi! Turn that frown upside down!” Pina teased her, “Ay, come out for a drink with me and Patri, the girls are all coming later, a bonding session before the break!”

And Alexia would usually say no, she wasn’t one for massive social events. But a drink sounded good. And it was the last day of training before the break.

Which is how she found herself 4 drinks in, deep in a booth in Patris favourite bar downtown. Most of the girls had joined them and laughter and chatter filled the roped off space. Something was missing and it took Alexia a moment to realise that there wasn’t a yapping in her ear.

“Ay, Pina, where are Mapi and Ingrid?” 

“They text the group, they had something on but they’re going to join us after. Ah… here they are!” Pina turned as Patri dragged her to the dance floor. Alexia turned to where Pina had pointed and saw Ingrid and Mapi walking towards her. She smiled and raised her hand in a wave, as they got closer she took in their state of dress; “Ay, sexy mamas, it’s only a night out with the team. Why are you dressed so nice? Have you just come from your wedding?” Mapi looked at Alexia. But really, really looked at her. “What?” nothing. “Maria, what? Why are you looking at me like that? Ingrid?” she faced the usually kind woman but she wasn’t met with her usual smile, “What’s happening? Wh-ohmygod.” It hit Alexia like a freight train. Like 10 freight trains. She physically had to hold onto the chair to her side to remain standing.  “No, no, no, I didn’t, I couldn’t have done.” She starts to pat herself down and pulls her phone out, dead, still uncharged from the night before. She holds it up to Mapi, as evidence, evidence of what she doesn’t know. As though it gives her a lifeline. She knows it doesn’t. “Ingrid? Ingrid please tell me I didn’t miss it.” she asks, desperately. The tall girl looks away, as though she can’t even face what the captain had done. “Alexia.” The rage is barely contained in Mapis' voice. “I can’t even look at you.” Mapi turns to leave, but it's as though her anger wont let her; she turns again and spits out; “Do you think she needed a reminder on her phone to know when the Champions League final was? Do you think… I can’t… I have just come from her gallery opening. Her life's work. A life shared with you. And here you are. At a bar. Celebrating, what?  A game of football? A half season well done? Fuck off. Seriously. Fuck. Off” Ingrid grips her hand and tries to pull her away. All Alexia can do is stand there and take it, it's not a hundredth of what she deserves. “No Ingrid.” She pulls her hand free and pushes her finger into Alexia's chest. “You are a selfish monster. She thought you must be hurt. That's what she thought. She thought you were in a ditch somewhere. She almost cancelled the whole thing to run around hospitals to find you. But then Alba saw you on Patris instagram. And here you are. La Reina.” Mapi looks her up and down, pure disgust on her face. “Your Mamis held her as she sobbed. Alba redid her makeup. I would steer clear of her Papi for months if I were you. She is strong, and she gave a speech.” Alexia couldn’t breathe. You gave a speech? She wasn’t there. She wasn’t there.  “Please, Maria, stop. I can’t listen.” Alexia couldn’t take it. She moved Mapis' hand off her chest and ran to the door of the club. One thought in her mind. Get to you. Get to you. “It's too late Alexia.” Mapi shouts to her back. She ignores her. It can’t be. No It can't be. She jumps out of the uber onto the unfamiliar street. The lights to the gallery are off but she desperately tries the door regardless. Banging on it with her fist in frustration. She lets out a scream into the empty street. Peering through the windows she sees wall after wall of your work. Scenes she recognises from her life. Football pitches. Beaches, Mountains. The scene from your balcony in Mollet. It was all so beautiful. So carefully curated. And she wasn’t there. She takes off at a run. It’s not too late. Mapi is wrong. It’s not too late. She will die if it is too late. “Y/N!” she barged into the apartment. She must have ran 10 miles. “Y/N are you here?” She runs from room to room. But there is no one there. When that's established she plugs her phone into the charger on the breakfast bar and makes her way back through the apartment. She goes into the bedroom. No, please no. The wardrobe is open, your side is empty. She looks around. Your things are gone.

The kitchen remains largely unaffected. Though the picture of you and your parents no longer sits on the shelf. Your trainers are gone from the hall. Your favourite blanket from the couch. She looks at the walls. Anything you had painted. Gone. Alexia always insisted that your art be on the walls, in each home you shared together. “Why would I want strangers work on the walls, Mi Amor? When I have the best artist in the world here?” she would say, making you blush. She was addicted to that blush. She walks back into the hallway. One picture remains in pride of place. The picture you presented to her in her darkest moment. You would never take that away from her. It was a gift of pure adoration. All it does is make the stabbing pain in Alexia's heart worsen. She pushes open the door to your art studio. All that remains are paints and blank canvases. Except. In the middle of the room. The easel. A picture she had seen before, in its early stages. A hand. A hand holding a beautiful flower. But it had changed somehow. Pressure lines had appeared. The flower beginning to wilt under the force. It wasn’t your usual work. Alexia stood closer. Entranced. As she inspected the image she saw the light tease off still wet paint. You had touched this up recently. Her eyes search, frantically for anything of your last moments in the apartment when she catches it. Too light for anyone not searching for it. 11. Blended into skin at the wrist of the image. A tattoo. So lightly painted but it etched itself fiercely into Alexia's soul. This was her hand. This hand that was silently destructive, was hers.  She saw a post it note stuck to the leg of the easel and in your looping handwriting: ‘Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting that they won't use it.’

She brought her hand up to her mouth and let out an audible gasp. She runs into the kitchen and dry heaves over the sink. There, she watches as her tears splash into the marble. And as she watches. She takes note of a single paint droplet. Her tears joined it, creating the most heart crushing piece of work she had ever seen.

God. She used to get so angry at that paint in the sink.

It's been years, she thought, years since she found paint in the sink. How much did you have to lessen yourself in order to be with her?

She collapsed into a seated position. Back against the kitchen cabinet. And brought her knees to her chest. She sobbed. And sobbed. She was joined at one point by Pabs. She thought you’d taken him with you. But no, in a typical act of kindness you wouldn’t leave her alone in her despair.

His little bow tie still sat around his neck, skew-whiff, as he looked at his mama curiously. He licked her nose and she sobbed harder.

Weeks passed.

She doesn’t know how she got through those weeks. Thousands of missed calls. Hundreds of messages. Went unanswered.

Alexia didn’t hear from you. Her Mami and Alba had forgiven her after Alba had found her in a state and unable to look after herself but they made it clear they were on your side. Mapi wouldnt look at her. They wouldn't tell her where you were, they wouldn’t pass on any message.

She was too frightened to go to your Mami and Papa.

She hadn’t trained well for weeks, She arrived at training exhausted. Sleep would never find her. She was barely clinging on. Jona still insisted she play. She was La Reina.

And then she broke. And that's where Irene found her, after another match of lacklustre performance. In a back corridor of the stadium. Broken and staring at the wall in front of her.

A ghost of the woman she was. 

Her phone lay next to her. A message from you. A response to her apologies, her thoughts, the pain she had told you she felt for your failed relationship. 

Finally, Word you were alive. 

3 words in fact. “It’ll pass Alexia.”

[pickingupmymercedes]

Neva Play - Lewis Hamilton

Part of 1K Jukebox Event

song: Neva Play - Meghan Thee Stallion

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

genre: fluff with hints of angst - and a lot of sass (thanks anon who requested this one, it was perfect)

wordcount: +1k

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

______________________________________________________________

I expected the usual whispers when I stepped into the media pen. I’ve been around long enough to know how it goes when things don’t go Lewis’s way.

But this time, the way they were talking, like the man hadn’t just won races less than six months ago—it had got to me.

“Maybe he’s lost it. Can’t keep up with the young ones anymore.”

One journalist snorted behind me, speaking loud enough that it was clearly meant to be overheard. I pretended not to listen, but I couldn’t help the way my jaw clenched.

He’d barely made it two laps today before the car gave out, but they were acting like it was all on him. As if it wasn’t obvious that the supposed updates were off—especially considering his teammate had spun out in the same damn place in quali.

These people knew the car was at fault, knew the team had struggled all weekend, hell the past 5 races at least, but still, they chose to spin the narrative.

Then there were the Ferrari fans—louder than ever, celebrating their 1-2 finish as if that somehow proved Lewis wouldn’t be good enough for a seat anymore.

One of the older reporters made some comment about “when it’s time to hang up the helmet,” and I had to physically restrain myself from whipping around to confront him. It was all I could do honestly to keep a straight face through my interviews, nodding politely, smiling like I didn’t want to snap back at every smug comment.

By the time I wrapped up for the day, I had enough frustration boiling under the surface to fuel a dozen Instagram stories. But I kept it to one. Just enough to remind people who they were talking about.

And as I walked into Lewis’s hotel suite, the laughter hit me before anything else in the hall. I could hear the guys in the living area, probably already half a bottle deep into their pre-party drinks.

I took a second to breathe, let the tension roll off my shoulders. I didn’t need to bring that frustration in here.

When I finally stepped inside, I saw Miles perched on the arm of a chair, waving a drink around as he gestured wildly in conversation with the others. He caught sight of me the moment I entered, and that mischievous grin immediately spread across his face.

“Look who finally showed up!” he called, dramatically waving his arms as if I’d been missing for hours. “Your man’s honor here needs some more defending. That Instagram story? Had me weirded out.”

I rolled my eyes, but the corner of my mouth twitched up in a grin. “Just correcting a few people.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling it now?” He laughed, standing up to give me a little side hug as I tossed my jacket onto the nearest chair. “I could’ve sworn you were about to hunt some of these journalists down in that paddock. Had me thinking you were ready to throw hands.”

“Who says I wasn’t?” I teased, shaking my head as I stepped further into the room.

Miles’s eyes widened in mock surprise. “Everyone hear that? She doesn’t play about her man.”

The room erupted into playful “ooohs” and knowing glances, but I barely paid them any mind. I was too focused on Lewis, who had been standing by the window, adjusting his watch.

He glanced up, catching my eye, and I could tell by the way his mouth twitched that he was holding back a smile. He shook his head, clearly amused.

“You really don’t have to do that” he said, his voice calm, but there was a warmth in there. “I’m used to that bs.”

Of course he was. Lewis was the king of shrugging off comments that would crush lesser men.

But me? I wasn’t about to let people drag his name without at least saying something.

I tilted my head, my arms crossing in front of me. “I’mma keep doing it” I said, shrugging like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Before anyone could chime in with another quip, I gave the room a little wave. “Alright, I’m going to get ready. Try not to burn the place down in the meanwhile.”

As I headed for the bedroom, I could still hear Miles behind me. “If I were you Lewis, I’d be feeling pretty damn lucky. You’ve got yourself a personal bodyguard.”

I rolled my eyes, though I couldn’t help but chuckle under my breath. Miles’s brand of teasing always hit just the right note. And I wasn’t mad about it. Hell, it felt good to have someone see how much I cared, even if they were poking fun at me for it.

Once in the bedroom, I closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, letting the quiet wrap around me. The adrenaline from earlier was starting to fade, and I could feel the edges of fatigue creeping in

I had just unzipped my jeans when I heard the door creak open behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. I could feel his presence fill the room before he even spoke.

Lewis stepped in, closing the door softly behind him, and I caught his reflection in the mirror as he approached. His eyes were on me, intense as ever, no matter how many times I’d seen them.

I started to turn around, but before I could, his hands found my waist, pulling me gently but firmly against him. His breath was warm against my neck, and his lips brushed the skin there.

“Protectiveness looks good on you” he murmured, his voice a low rumble that I felt more than heard.

I tilted my head, catching his eyes in the mirror, a soft smile tugging at my lips. “Someone’s got to keep those idiots in line” I teased, my voice light despite the tension in the air between us.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating against my skin. “And that someone has to be you?”

I turned in his arms, resting my hands against his chest, my fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt. “Duh” I said, my tone soft but teasing. “You’ve got enough to deal with that thing you call a car. Let me handle these poor excuses of journalists.”

His eyes softened, and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You don’t have to fight these battles for me, you know. That is also your workplace.”

I sighed, leaning into him slightly, my head resting against his shoulder. “I want to” I admitted. “I’m not going to sit back and let people talk. Not when it comes to you.”

He pulled back just enough to tilt my chin up, making me meet his gaze. His eyes were dark, but there was a warmth in them that made my heart melt a little. “They’re lucky you’re not exclusive to f1”

I raised an eyebrow, smirking up at him. “Oh, I know. But you are lucky I’m around enough to set people straight.”

He laughed then; a deep, genuine laugh that made me smile in return. “Lucky, huh?”

“Very” I said, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his jaw. “Now, are you going to let me finish getting ready, or are you planning to keep me here?”

He smirked, his hands still resting on my waist. “Now that you mention it…”

I gave him a playful shove, rolling my eyes. “Out. You’re distracting me.”

He stepped back, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright. I’ll go. But don’t take too long, okay?”

“I’ll be out in fifteen, just need a shower.” I promised, watching him as he backed toward the door, still grinning at me like he had some secret he wasn’t telling me.

Just before he slipped out of the room, he paused, glancing back at me over his shoulder. “For the record” he said, his voice soft but serious, “I appreciate what you did today.”

I met his eyes, my heart swelling just a little at the sincerity in his voice. And just as Lewis lingered there in the doorway, Miles’s voice carried through the suite, loud and as ever.

“Hey, Lewis! Let her go get ready, man. She’s not running away, you know?”

I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face as Lewis rolled his eyes. He gave a little shake of his head before turning back to me, his hand still resting on the doorframe.

“You’re not going anywhere, are you?” he said, his voice playful.

I stepped closer, smirking up at him. “Surely not if you keep stalling me.”

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my lips. “Alright, alright. I’ll let you go... for now.”

I laughed softly, giving him a gentle nudge. “Good idea.”

Lewis flashed me one last grin as he finally stepped back. As he disappeared down the hall, Miles’s voice echoed again, this time with a laugh. “See? Told you, she’s not going anywhere.”

I smiled to myself, shaking my head as I went back to finish getting ready, my heart feeling lighter than it had all day.

No matter what anyone said, I knew exactly who I was. And so did he.

______________________________________________________________

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[symp4nat]

Dior and reader act like they're in a relationship and they do things couples do like being touchy and calling each other nicknames which make the other cast members curious if they're dating and that basically makes them both realise that they have feelings for each other

(pretend that they're filming s2 and reader is one of the new characters)

thank youuu

"What are we?"

dior goodjohn x reader

warnings: nicknames, touching (not sexual), stupid idiots in love, fmentionss of making out, bad words

authors note: HI POOPY POOS ITS ME UR GIRL WSGG SORRY THIS IS LATE LLIKE IM ON A 8 HOUR SCHOOL TRIP SO I HAVE NOTHING BETTER 2 DO!

You were sitting on your foldable-director's (actor's) chair with your legs crossed as you watched your castmates all work on set. You had noticed Dior in a slightly bad mood and your eyes followed her as she walked to the bathroom. As you continued watching the team, you felt a hand squeezing your arm.

"Hey, you," a voice rasped. You could recognize that voice from a mile away. "You okay," you questioned as you turned around to face her, your best friend, the love of your life.. stop it, you aren't anything like that..

Dior stood on the side of your chair and ran a hand through your hair. She scoffed and denied, "What are you talking about? I'm fine, I'm all goo-"

You reached a hand up to her face and rubbed her cheek. "No, I mean, I kinda noticed, you looked uncomfortable o- or sad, I dunno."

Her nails gently scratched your scalp as she cooed, "I'm alright, baby, I'll tell you later, 'kay?" You looked down to cover the blush that rose to your face and nodded. "Go film, pretty."

She tucked some hair behind her ear and shook her head. "They asked me to come get you," she gently spoke as she looked down at you lovingly. "C'mon, bro, stop making out and get over here," Charlie teased.

You huffed and intertwined your fingers with hers and pulled her to the set. She admired the smile on your face and laughed. "We're friends, dude!"

Leah snorted, "Okay, big sis." You peered into Dior's dark brown eyes and squeezed her arm. "Go, I'll be on Set 4." Her lips landed on your cheek and said, "'Kay, I'll pick you up later. Stay safe."

-

When you had returned, a little bit earlier, you noticed Dior's hands on a girls waist, both of them wearing a camp shirt and lighting and a greenscreen behind them. Your eyebrows furrowed but you realized that it was the scene you despised.

Her eyes darted to yours and then back to the girl's. She swallowed the lump in her throat and the girl placed her hand on Dior's cheek. You clenched your jaw as your nails dug into your palms. As you walked away, Dior sighed, but continued with the scene. She placed her lips onto the other girl's and imagined it was you, her girl, standing right in front of her.

authors note: forthesakeoftheplot,lets pretend, sea-of-monsters, hasakisswithclarisseandsomeoneelse

Later, Dior knocked on your trailer. "Out, home time, let's go!" You opened the door and barely glanced at her as you placed a waterbottle in her hands. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at you confusedly. You got into her car and shut the door as you impatiently waited for her. Once she got in, she played some music quietly as she drove and hummed along with it.

You were drumming your fingers on the side of the car door and Dior groaned, "Please, talk to me, lovey..."

And so you snapped. "What are we? Do you think I'm okay with all of this? I'm okay with you just- just messing around with me and acting like we're in love?! That isn't right; none of this is!"

She parked the car in your driveway, but you wouldn't relent. "I hate it, I hate acting like we're best friends one moment and then lovers the next! Choose something and fucking stick with i-"

Dior pulled you in for a kiss, a gentle, loving kiss. As your lips moved in sync with one another, your eyes fluttered shut in relief. You pulled back, gasping for breath, and Dior said, "There, I love you. I'm in love with you, doofus."

"I like you too, love, I mean love," you said softly. "And um... I gotta go so yeah.." Dior nodded and once you opened the door, she grabbed your face. She pecked your lips and then kissed you longer again.

From the outside, you were beaming as you closed the door and entered your house. On the inside, you were screaming in excitement. You jumped around in your living room and checked your phone as you felt a buzz.

D <3

i can see u, yk?

its cute btw :)

cya tmrw x

A grin formed on your face as you collapsed onto your couch. Maybe this was love, who knew.

[thoughtidtry]

Dress Pt.2 - LN

SUMMARY: Lando's best friend can't keep pretending he's not her everything. Not after missing seeing him in person for so long. PAIRING: Lando Norris X LongDistanceBestfriendfem!reader A/N: Inspired by Lando's race win and song Dress by Taylor Swift. 2.6k+ words (Honestly thought it would be shorter lol) LMK in the comments if you would like a pt.3! Part: 1 2 3

"Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try."

From the moment you were in Lando's arms, he never let go more than he had to. While showing you around the McLaren garage he made sure to guide you through with slight touches or nudges in the right direction. You knew there was no way he was letting you out of his sight. With his hand placed firmly on the small of your back, he explained every corner of the garage in painstaking detail while knowing you probably didn't really care. Something about the way you attentively listen though made it seem like you hung on his every word. 

Really, you had just missed his voice. Phone calls could only do so much to make up for the distance between you two. It had been something you both had gotten used to over time. Now you didn't know if you could ever go back to not being beside him. The hours before the race started passed faster than you had hoped they would. Something just clicked when you were together like you had never been apart in the first place. 

Soon you watched from the side as Lando talked with the engineers and strategists about the race plan. You had seen him in racing attire before, back in secondary school, but the memory did not prepare you for just how good he looked. He couldn't stop smiling, not when he felt your gaze on his every move. After he had finished talking to everyone, he made his way back over to you with a headset in hand. 

"Here let me put this on you, it connects to the radio in my car so you can hear me during the race."

You nodded along in understanding as he placed the headset on your head and fixed it to the correct settings. Earlier, Lando had told you they recently made upgrades to the car and that it would be the first race to test them. This made you hopeful for the results of the race, you knew how much Lando wanted a win. The excitement of everyone in the garage could be felt as they made final preparations.

"You're gonna do great Lan, I just know it."

You beamed up at him with the widest smile possible. Lando couldn't help but smirk a bit letting your confidence boost his own. He reached to stroke your cheek as he spoke.

" Of course I will, I've got you here to cheer me on. I always do better when I know you're watching the race. Just imagine how I'll do today with you actually here."

You look away feeling yourself start to blush while trying to figure out how to respond to that. Luckily, Lando's name was called as the race was about to start. Quickly, you stand and swiftly peck his cheek whispering good luck in his ear before pushing him towards the calling engineers. He looked back, shaking his head a bit before jogging to put his helmet and other stuff on.

"My hands are shaking from holding back from you"

Watching a race in person was exhilarating for you. The energy in the garage made every turn, overtake, and pit stop more suspenseful. Getting to hear Lando’s voice through it all made the race even more real. He hadn’t had a good start to the race but was quickly making up for it by getting the fastest lap multiple times. 

A crash happened towards the back of the race resulting in a safety car being put onto the track. Lando had already passed the pit when the car was released, giving him an edge. Once the race started again his engineer was avid about keeping a gap between him and Max. As the final laps dwindled, you felt overcome with hope. This could be it, Lando’s first win. 

As Lando crossed the finish line you heard his cheers over the radio. The joy and relief was evident as you knew how long he had waited for this. 

One of the mechanics was kind enough to escort you over to where the winners would park their cars. The whole McLaren garage ended up walking together to the spots. Once you all arrived, you slipped a bit away. As much as this was Lando’s win it was theirs and they didn’t need some random girl in the middle of their celebration. 

You watch from your spot as Lando pulls up and stands on the top of his cars. The crowd was cheering his name and many drivers made a beeline for him after parking their own cars. It was clear how loved he was not only by his own team but by everyone here. His large smile would forever be etched into your mind as he received hugs from everyone and even started a crowd surf with the McLaren employees. Your hand were shaking with all the excitement built up in your system. 

Everything was perfect, at least you thought so, but you noticed Lando kept looking around. Was there a specific driver he was looking for or some important person? 

Lando was on cloud nine getting out of his car parked in P1. He was a race winner after so long fighting for this moment it felt right to have you here. He wanted to find you and celebrate as soon as possible. 

As all the drivers came up to him he wanted to soak in the moment but he just kept looking around for you. Were you still at the garage? Turning to see the McLaren team waiting behind the barrier he knew what they were waiting for. 

Starting at a full sprint he launched himself into their awaiting arms. It was then on top of his teammate he caught a glimpse of you off to the side with a smile as bright as the sun.  As soon as he was back on his feet he was making his way to you. 

When Lando’s eyes found you it was like time stopped for a few moments. Before you knew it he was headed straight for you. He crashed into you, wrapping you up in a bone-crushing hug while lifting you off your feet. You squeal a bit as he begins to spin you both around before tilting your head back to laugh. 

“You did it Lan! You won!”

Lando set you back on the ground as you started to speak. He could see the spark of joy in your eyes as you spoke. 

“Told you I’d do better with you here”

Lando exclaimed, smirking as he looked down at you in admiration. 

“Knowing you were cheering for me made all the difference. I couldn’t disappoint you after you came all this way.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, he could never disappoint you. It didn’t matter to you whether he came in first or very last place as long as he was happy. Before you could tell him that a staff member came up to grab Lando for his post win interviews. He nodded to let them know he was on his way and let you know he’d be only about half an hour. Calling another McLaren mechanic over, he asked if they would see you back to his driver room after the podium till he was finished with the media. 

With that he was off and you followed the mechanic over to where the podium celebration was to be held. The ceremony was amazing as the two other drivers covered Lando head to toe in champagne. He didn’t even have a chance to open his before the other two started their assault which made you laugh. Once they had moved on to their next victim, Lando walked to the front of the podium doing his signature move to start spraying the champagne all over the crowd before spraying the other driver as well. 

"I don't want you like a best friend"

The interviews didn’t take long so Lando was back and ready to leave the paddock not long after arriving. Oscar had been sneaky when helping you book a hotel for your stay and you were apparently staying at the same place as the drivers were. 

Lando noted to thank Oscar again as he ushered you to his car stopping along the way to sign autographs and take pictures. He filled you on the plans for tonight as you drove and what time to be ready by. 

Once at the hotel, you went to your separate hotel rooms to get ready. You pulled a dress out of your suitcase packed specifically for this see Lando again. It was a beautiful purple dress that hugged the top of your torso while still being flowy. After taking a shower and getting ready you texted Lando to let him know. Turns out most of the drivers were already dressed and down in the lobby. Quickly you grabbed your clutch and made your way down.

Lando was smiling as he put his phone away after answering your text. He and a couple other drivers had finished getting dressed early so they were in the lobby while waiting for the rest. He felt a nudge on his shoulder and found all the other drive smirking at him with knowing eyes. Max was the one to speak up always most blunt when it came to feelings.

"So are you gonna tell her how you feel or are you just gonna let her go again?"

He didn't know much about your friendship with Lando but he knew the younger boy was smitten. The other drivers piled on words of encouragement and how they could tell you liked him back. The more the others added, the pinker Lando's cheeks got until he finally defended himself.

" I just don't want to lose her guys. Now shut up she is on her way down."

The other drivers chuckled while shaking their heads but they left Lando alone after that which he was thankful for. Looking around he noticed you starting to make your way over and stopped in his tracks. He hadn't forgotten how beautiful you were but in that dress, it was like you were enchanted. He knew Max was right, he wanted more from you than just a friendship, he always had. Ever since that day in secondary when he had introduced himself he had wanted more, to know you more, hear your laugh more, be near you more.

The sound of laughing gave away their location long before you saw the group. From the looks of it, they had been teasing Lando about something as his face was lightly pink. He was looking towards the ground wearing all black and a backward cap. It made you smile a bit at how flustered he seemed by whatever they had said. Only a few seconds had passed when he caught your presence.

You grew a little nervous under his gaze and began to play with the hem of your dress as you came to a stop in front of him. Looking up into his eyes, a mostly green color now, you softly whispered

"Hey, Lan."

You clear your throat while tearing your eyes away from his to speak to the whole group.

"Hey guys, everyone ready to celebrate?"

The other driver let out a cheer and Carlos showed up a moment later. Apparently, he was the last one the group was waiting on so everyone began to decide how we were getting to the club.

“Only bought this dress so you could take it off”

Once at the club the boy immediately went to grab drinks while you stayed back with the other drivers' girlfriends. Girlfriends. Something you could only wish to be. They were nice and asked many questions about how you were, what you do, and how long you have known Lando. You explained with ease the timeline that led you here. Lily was the first to speak, seeming to be a bit in shock.

"Wait, you're the mysterious best friend? The one Lando has kept hidden away like a treasured prize?"

The other girl nodded in agreement at her statement. Had Lando been too embarrassed to talk about you? You felt a bit ashamed for a moment looking down. Lily was the first to notice, adding on with a kind smile and a bit of laughter.

"Oh, no! It's not a bad thing! Trust me. He lights up anytime you even text him. It's more like he doesn't want to share you honestly. I was just surprised he finally let the princess out of her tower to be seen by the rest of us. That boy is head over heels-"

Before Lily could finish her sentence you felt an arm snake around your waist. You turned assuming it would be Lando but you had been mistaken. The man before you was taller with brown eyes and reddish-brown hair.

"Hey, wanna go dance with me beautiful?"

The man smiled as he looked you up and down. He wasn't a bad-looking guy, not as handsome as Lando though. Someone else probably would have agreed, but someone else wasn't in love with their best friend. You tried to step away as his hand on your waist just felt wrong but he was able to grab onto your arm before you were fully free.

"Oh come on, just one dance couldn't hurt. I doubt your friends would mind."

You tried to pull your arm free but his grip was firm. The panic started to set in as you looked to see where Lando was. He would help, he would always save you.

"Her friends might not mind but her boyfriend definitely will."

A familiar voice called from behind you as your head snapped toward it in relief. There he was, your Lando, he looked pissed, flanked by an annoyed-looking Max and an angry-looking Carlos. The man quickly released your arm and turned to storm off with a scoff. You stumbled back a bit before Lando caught you. With no hesitation, he wrapped his arms around your waist before leaning down to speak in your ear.

"Can't let you out of my sight for a minute without someone trying to steal you huh?"

Your face turned bright red as you turned to him feeling a wave of confidence. Was he jealous? The look on his face was downright murderous at least. Wrapping your own arms around his neck, you leaned up to speak in his ear.

"We both know you're the only person this dress would come off for."

Lando stood in shock for a moment as his grip tightened on your waist. It only took a moment for his lips to crash into yours. You could taste the alcohol he had been drinking and feel how tense his body was before he relaxed into the kiss. Sure, you had kissed other guys before but never had anyone kissed you with so much overwhelming passion. Breaking away from the kiss he sighed.

"How about we get out of here?"

You can only nod still thunderstruck by how passionately he had kissed you. Lando smirked at the effect he has on you while leading you over to the group of driver not far away.

"Hey guys, were gonna head out."

The drivers look in between the two of you with knowing glances and exchange goodbyes with Lando as you two start to leave. You look back and wave goodbye to everyone as Lily gives you a thumbs-up. Blush rushes to your face as you both get into the taxi with Lando giving the hotel's address. You can't help but stare at him in the moonlight. He glances down at you with a smile.

" You know I'm never letting you go, right?"

You smile up at him with love-struck eyes. At this moment you decide, you would do want ever needed to stay by his side from then on. The company you worked for has offices abroad, and you could travel if needed, you would do anything to stay like this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pt.3?

Taglist: @scarletwidow3000

[gyuzgrl]

her //kmg// pt.2

pt 2 of 'her'- the morning after reveals much to y/n, and she makes a difficult decision- one that neither her nor Mingyu seem to escape from unscathed.

Dread, shame, confusion.

The morning after a night of love shouldn't leave one feeling this way, yet here you are, lying paralysed in bed, next to a man you can't seem to figure out.

Why did he find solace in another's bed? Why was it the same woman every time? Were his words from last night even true?

Questions haunt you, floating around inside your head like ghosts in an empty castle. When one fades, another takes it's place, poking holes in your rationality, mocking you for what you've done.

How could you give in so easily? After everything he's done, after the betrayal- how could you let him in? Vulnerable and exposed, you let him see you, hear you, touch you?

Embarrassment doesn't even begin to cover what you feel.

Your skin feels sticky and each spot he touched burns into you, like red-hot metal, sizzling tender flesh. The kisses, the grip marks, every point of contact feels wrong. Of course, last night was consensual- two grown adults made a decision to spend a night together- but you can't shake that sickly feeling taking over you; a thick, dark oil, staining your skin as you sink further and further into despair.

Turning over, you let your eyes scan over Mingyu's face- sleeping peacefully, unaware of the havoc he's caused in your mind. The gentle sighs of breath, the way his lashes tickle his skin, how his lips settle into the prettiest pout- it isn't fair. None of it is.

He doesn't get to sleep like this while your mind races at a thousand miles per second. He doesn't get to live ignorantly like this.

You won't let it happen.

You won't swallow your pride and pretend like everything's okay.

Slipping out from under the covers, you head straight for a shower. Silky, warm water embraces you, washing away the stains of yesterday, only for them to resurface and solidify the past. No matter how hard you scrub, no matter how desperately you scratch, the marks remain as they are- seething red reminders of how small you made yourself for Mingyu's affections.

Before you know it, tears begin to flow- tears of shame, of humiliation. All it took was for him to say he returned your feelings, and you forgave everything. You let him touch you mere hours after he'd laid his hands on another woman- god what has happened to you?

You step into your robe, the pearly white colour of the fabric mocking you as if to say- "you're the shell of who you once were."

Time passes as it usually does, and you find yourself at the breakfast table, staring into the distance. Your mind has finally settled to a conclusion.

This must end.

As you sit, unmoving, Mingyu begins to stir from his sleep. An arm extends itself out of habit, feeling for your body beside him, and he jolts awake when his skin comes in contact with cold, lifeless cloth.

Panic fills his nerves in the flash of a second and he scrambles out of bed, stumbling over to the hall. Clumsy, frantic feet thud along the ground and he calls out your name, voice hoarse as if holding back a sob.

"I'm here," you state, eyes still fixed at the wall.

Mingyu feels his muscles slump back into relaxation. You're still here. You didn't leave.

"I uh, I thought... Never mind, have you eaten?" he grins, eyes sparkling as he gazes at you lovingly, "I'll fix something up for us- what do you feel like eating? something soup-y? pancakes? eggs? I make really good eggs-"

"last night was a mistake."

His voice fades to a deathly still. The luster in his eyes dulls to a cold brown and he slumps down onto the chair opposite yours.

"oh." he says softly.

"I've had some time to think..."

"and?"

"I don't think we should live together. Or be together. No matter what your reasons were, Mingyu, the fact remains the same- you cheated on me. Nothing will change that, nothing will make that go away."

Mingyu leans forward, tears springing in the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry, y/n- I wish I could c-"

"I know you're sorry. Trust me, I know, Mingyu- but you've done this to yourself. You've been aware of every decision as you made it, you did what you did, knowing fully well that it was wrong. There's no forgiving that. Whatever our feelings are, it doesn't matter anymore."

His head hangs low as your words tear into him. You're right, after all. He did in fact cheat on you. It was his decision, his choice. It's unfair for you to suffer because of his mistakes.

"I'll come back for my things sometime this week." you sigh, moving from your seat, taking hold of your handbag, "Goodbye, Mingyu."

A few days have passed, and you've settled into an expensive hotel, gathering yourself together as other things call for your attention.

Formalities make divorces so much harder than they need to be...

While you sort through legal matters with your family lawyer, Mingyu finds himself falling into a dangerously dark hole. You've been gone all of three days and he's lost himself completely. He hasn't slept, hasn't gone outside, hasn't eaten- it's as if he's lost his will to live.

Your words haunt him, echoing in his head over and over. Desperately, he's tried to silence his thoughts, tried to chase away your voice, but he can't. What makes it all so much worse, is that he knows you're right.

This is all his fault, after all. He really has done this to himself, and he's hurt you too in the bargain.

It's late in the evening, the sky outside flushes dark grey clouds along, as a faint outline of the moon peeks through. Winds howl terribly all around, hinting at the storm that is to come.

The doorbell rings, echoing through the empty house, startling Mingyu out of his daze. Sloppily, he treads to the door, cracking it open to reveal an unfamiliar face.

"can I help you-?" he mutters, eyes skimming lazily over the suited man before him.

"Mister Kim Mingyu? I'm Miss Y/n's lawyer. I understand you've separated, yes?"

Just when he thought he couldn't sink lower than he already has, Mingyu feels his stomach drop as he descends into anguish.

He's smart enough to gauge what's happening. You're legitimizing the divorce- making it real in the eyes of the law.

"sir?"

A voice pulls him back to reality, and he lifts his head up, nodding as he motions for the man to come inside. Dull, confused footsteps lead into the living area and Mingyu takes a seat on the couch, beckoning your lawyer to do the same.

"There are papers you are required to sign, sir." he begins, reaching into his bag to pull out a stack of crisp white sheets, stapled perfectly.

Mingyu stares dumbly at the paper, back hunched, throat dry. He's frozen. There's not a thought in his head, not a sensation in his body.

A minute passes in silence, and he stays unmoved.

The man clears his throat, clicking his pen open before handing it to Mingyu.

"here, you can use mine," he forces an encouraging smile, feeling his heart break at Mingyu's disheveled state. Although he's been made aware of your situation, Mingyu's helpless state tugs at his heartstrings and he can't help but feel sympathetic towards the latter.

"th-thank you,"

With shaky hands, Mingyu takes hold of the pen, stopping at the blank spot resigned for his signature. An indescribable pressure weighs him down. His future, his love, his sanity all sit under the blade of this guillotine- a mere pen.

This pen might just be mightier than any sword he'll ever face.

Sensing his reluctance, the suited man places a hand on his shoulder-

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn, I know we don't know each other- but I've, uh, I've seen this before. I've handled cases like this before and all I can say to make this easier is that you're doing this for her. Not for yourself. If you truly feel guilty for the past, if you truly love her, this is the way you give her her pride back. This is how you can do what's good for her."

His words spur Mingyu into action, resonating deep within the latter's being. Letting you go is unbearable. It stings and burns and swells all at once, but if it lets you heal, if it's good for you, he'll do it in a second.

Scribbling his signature onto the bottom of the page, Mingyu hands the papers over.

"thank you," he says, genuinely this time, "is she-" he hesitates, "is she doing okay?"

The man smiles sadly, rising to his feet- "I'm afraid that's a breach of confidentiality, sir"

And just like that, he's gone, leaving Mingyu alone once again. He settles into bed, draping your blanket over himself as his mind floods over with thoughts of you.

"I hope she doesn't think I gave up on us..."

Then, like a soaring wave, it hits him. What if you think he's taking the easy way out and that his feelings aren't real? What if you expected him to throw a fit and come swoop you up from whatever hotel you're hidden away in?

"fuck-" he curses under his breath, digging around the sheets for his phone.

Mingyu types out a messy apology, pawing at his phone with thick fingers.

"I hope you don't think I'm giving up. As much as I wanted to fight for you, as much as I wanted to rip those papers to shreds, I know this is what you deserve- a shot at real love. Love that doesn't hurt you like I did. I love you so much, Y/n, but you're right, this is my mistake. You shouldn't be the one to suffer for it. I'm sorry for it all. Letting you go is the hardest thing I'll do, but it's what I deserve now. I had the world in my hands and I gave it up for nothing."

Your lip quivers as you read his words. There's a sense of defeat in his tone, as if realization has finally hit and he's understood the gravity of his actions.

Despite his acceptance of your decision, you feel a sharp pang of hurt deep inside your chest. You're doing the right thing. You're protecting yourself. You're being strong.

So, why does it hurt this bad?

Unfocused eyes begin to water, dripping salty puddles onto the screen below, and you realize you're crying.

Mingyu's words from that night play in your head, like a devastating melody, planting seeds of doubt where revenge and empowerment were beginning to grow.

You need to snap out of this.

Now.

Surely, one text message shouldn't have you forgetting all the pain he's caused. You simply cannot give in.

"It's late." you tell yourself, hoping that speaking aloud will give you some semblance of authority over your frenzied feelings, "gotta get some rest"

While you drift off to sleep, Mingyu's thoughts hone in on you, just like they have all these nights. Lying on your side of the bed, huddled in a swarm of your blanket and clothes, he does his best to pretend like you're still here.

He curses himself for that night, chastises himself for all the nights before. There really is no excuse, no explanation that could make what he did okay- he knows- which is why, he's leaving you alone. No matter how much pain he's in, no matter how many bottles he's downed, Mingyu doesn't let his toils bother you.

No drunk phone calls, no angry visits, not even a text. Not one attempt to try and beg you to change your mind.

Ironically, the respect he extends now, by leaving you alone, makes you feel worse somehow. Guilty, even.

Taking a deep inhale, Mingyu lets your fading scent flood his senses, and instantly, the memories come flooding in- how you kissed him so tenderly, how your skin tasted, how you came alive under his touch.

"fuck," he whispers, voice trembling, "if I knew that night would be the last time I could touch you-"

Oh, he'd worship you.

Mingyu pictures it- clear as day.

He would've held you tight in his arms, pressing his forehead to yours as you share one breath. He would've kissed you so deeply, making sure to commit your taste to memory, pushing further, harder, until his own mortality forced him to pull away.

When your face fell at the sight of her marks, Mingyu would've kissed your eyes and placed your hand on his heart saying- "you hear that? that's all for you, my love- no one else, just you". And if that didn't do the trick, he'd be more than willing to dig those marks out of his skin, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it bled.

Most of all, he'd savor you.

As he crawls down your body, he would kiss every inch of your skin, thanking you for letting him. No God could give him this power, no divine force could allow him to touch you- only you had that authority.

And that, makes you greater than any God he's ever prayed to.

Each kiss would be deliberate, slow. He'd close his eyes, brows set in a deep furrow as his lips take you in greedily, like Jesus' first disciple eating at the Eucharist.

Mingyu feels himself grow hard at the thought- being so close to you, kissing you, feeling you. He takes in a shaky breath to compose himself, but in vain.

It has no effect.

No number of breaths, no volume of alcohol, no hours of sleep will ever be enough to push you away.

So, he gives in.

A hand sneaks down under the blanket, beyond the waistband of Mingyu's sweatpants, ghosting over his cock. He hisses as his fingers graze the reddened tip, hips jerking up to chase that feeling.

Letting his thoughts resume, Mingyu works himself in time with his imagination.

His hands explore your skin, soothing their way down to where you need him most. You tremble under his touch, back arching when he puts his mouth to your cunt.

Eagerly, he laps at your slit, taking in your sweet-salt taste- so addictive he's sure this is all he needs now. Not food, not shelter, not money- just you.

You writhe under him, slipping your hands into his hair, tugging at his locks, and his eyes roll back. The sting of his scalp only spurs him on, and his tongue prods your clit in rapid bursts.

"Mingyu-" you choke out, his name like a plea on your lips.

He sucks harder, pushes you further, and dips his tongue inside you, nudging into your pulsating core. It takes you by surprise, and you can't help the cry that escapes you-

"Mingyu!"

As you tighten around him, Mingyu devours you from the inside out, swallowing every last drop you have to offer, coaxing as much as he can from you until you're spent.

"Mingyu," you moan, clutching his hair tighter as you feel your release mere seconds away, "Min-"

"Mingyu"

A sticky white pool of shame sits at the groove of his thumb, collecting in the dip between his fingers.

"shit."

Stupefied by disbelief, Mingyu stays deathly still. It's pathetic, honestly. He's aware of how he must look, aware of how wrong it is to use you for his own pleasure, but he just can't help himself.

He really can't.

[megalony]

Bedroom Talk- Part 2

This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, based on a request. I'm so happy and thankful so many of you have loved this little series and I am open to writing a 3rd part if anyone would like that or has ideas.

Please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: Eddie and (Y/n) have a heart to heart when (Y/n) talks about having another baby. But Eddie can't go through that trauma again, not after last time.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A shiver coursed down (Y/n)'s spine when she heard the front door open and close.

Oh God. This was it. Now or never. She was going to have to talk to him; she was going to have to tell him.

She kept her back to the kitchen door and stayed stood in front of the fridge, pretending to look for something when really, she was staring into an abyss. Her breathing momentairely stopped while her eyes zoned out and all she could see was the doctor's office she had been sat in this morning.

Her mind zoned out enough that the blinking light in the fridge and the quiet, distressed beeping didn't phase her or break through the static in her ears. Her hand stayed curled around the fridge door and her head tilted to one side.

At least with her back to the door, Eddie wouldn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

The sound of his trainers clashing against the kitchen floor finally snapped through to (Y/n)'s brain and made her slam the fridge shut before the temperature began to drop.

She stayed rooted to the spot, even when she felt a familiar pair of arms encase her waist and pin her up against his chest. Her head flopped to the left, pressing her cheek against Eddie's hair that was damp and fluffy like a feather pillow. Her hands moved down to hold onto his wrists while he gave her a tight squeeze and attached his lips to the side of her neck.

"Hi baby." He murmured softly into her neck while (Y/n) closed her eyes to try and stay calm and compose herself.

She took note of the shirt Eddie was wearing, she could feel the material rubbing against her bare arms. He had changed out of his gym gear. He was no longer wearing the rubbery vest top or training shorts he left in this morning. he was in a softer, thinner cotton shirt and a pair of jeans. He must have had a long workout to change at the gym instead of when he got home.

"Hi," She didn't trust her voice but she tried her best to sound calm and she kissed his head, nuzzling her nose into his hair to try and control her nerves.

"Where are the kids?"

Eddie realised he couldn't hear the tv or hear Lilah screaming and babbling loudly as she played with her toys. And Chris wasn't in the living room, and he couldn't hear their eldest playing any games in his bedroom either. The house was oddly quiet and that meant the kids weren't here because if they were outside, (Y/n) would of been out there with them.

"Buck's taken them to the zoo." (Y/n) had only asked Evan if he could watch the kids for an hour or two, but he had happily come round to pick them up. And as soon as Chris asked if they could go out, Evan was bubbling with excitement and ready to take him and Lilah to the zoo.

She knew Evan had guessed something was playing on her mind and that something was wrong, but he didn't pry. He took the kids the moment she asked and gave her a comforting hug before he left.

"Oh… so you're mine for the afternoon then. What'd you wanna do?" Eddie moved his hands down to (Y/n)'s hips and turned her around in his grip so they were facing one another.

He didn't see her face for very long before she pushed up on her toes to lock her arms around his neck and pull him down to her. He felt her nose brush across his neck and tickle the base of his shoulder and he grinned into her hair. His hands moved around to curl back around her waist and he began gliding his hand up and down her back.

He didn't realise Evan wanted to see the kids today, not that he was complaining. It was never an issue when Evan wanted to take the kids out, and it was a surprise to find that he could have (Y/n) to himself for the day. It had been a while since he'd had her to himself and didn't have to fight for her attention without the kids bustling in.

They stayed tangled together like that for a few quiet minutes and Eddie felt his smile fading against her hair when (Y/n) didn't say anything. She just held him. And he stayed wrapped around her, she felt like she needed some comfort, although he couldn't fathom why.

Eventually, just as Eddie was about to say something, (Y/n) pulled back. Her fingers tangled in the short hair at the base of his head and made a shiver run down his neck when she tightened her grip. She took him by surprise and leaned up to connect their lips. The kiss was heavy and burdened and demanding and needy all at once.

It took Eddie by surprise and knocked him on his back foot. He felt like this was a silent message he was supposed to decode, but he didn't know how.

He parted his lips, inhaling as deep a breath as he could manage before he dove down and stole her lips as demanding as she had initiated with him. His fingers dug deep into her hips and he felt her back curve against his hand as she leaned back and let him push her down. His chest moulded against hers and he groaned, tracing his tongue across hers when she scratched the base of his neck.

(Y/n) could see stars dancing across Eddie's face when they finally pulled up for air. His chest panted along with hers and a mixture of confusion and lust pooled in his eyes.

Why had she kissed him so desperately like that? Why was she looking at him worriedly like that? Why wasn't she talking to him?

He stayed still but loose and easily moveable, tilting his head down to watch the way (Y/n) laced her fingers with his and clung to his sweating palm.

When she walked ahead of him, Eddie let her drag him behind her, gripping her hand tight while his other hand cupped her hip again, softer and lighter this time. His chest moved near her back, keeping only a hairline fracture of space between them as he followed (Y/n) wordlessly out of the kitchen.

He wondered for a moment if she was about to divert down the hall towards the bedroom, but he followed and turned with her when she aimed for the living room instead.

Eddie studied the way (Y/n) sat down and pulled her legs up beneath her so they were crossed on the sofa, all while her left hand kept the tightest grip on him so his knuckles were turning deathly white. He twisted his arm a little so he could slowly sit down on the sofa beside her.

His gaze dragged up and down her frame, soaking her in, assessing the worry in her eyes, the tension in her body. The way she held her back straight like she was too nervous to slouch into the sofa. His tongue dragged across his lips that were still tingling from the power she had when she kissed him.

"Baby…?" He didn't quite know what he was asking or what he wanted to say, but (Y/n) seemed to understand his wordless question.

She dragged his hand across so their entangled hands were laid on her thigh, allowing (Y/n) to trace her thumb over the back of his hand. And bring her right hand up to draw aimless patterns and random designs on the back of Eddie's wrist and along his arm towards his tattoo.

"The doctor's office called me this morning, they got my bloods through and they wanted to see me."

"That was quick…" Eddie wasn't sure he liked where this was going. It had scarcely been two days since (Y/n) went to the doctors for a check up.

He knew she had to have bloods taken every few months for her vitamin deficiency. And she had to have check ups every six months to make sure she was okay on the contraceptive pill. The last time she was on the pill it messed with her system and made her sick.

If the doctors called back this quick and wanted an appointment on the same day, Eddie knew that was a sign that something was wrong.

"They gave me an emergency appointment this morning… Eddie I- I'm pregnant."

All (Y/n) could feel was the way her heart was pounding against her chest so harshly every beat felt like a hammer to her chest. Every pulse tore through her eardrums and made pins and needles course down to her feet. Her fingertips turned numb and both hands started to sweat, despite her fingers turning cold from panic and dread.

This news wasn't going to go down well, (Y/n) knew that from the start.

This wasn't like with Chris. This wasn't (Y/n) sitting Eddie down and giving him a gift of a baby onesie and a positive pregnancy test or telling him that she needed him to be careful in the army because he had two people to come home to now.

And it wasn't her waking him up on father's day and telling him he was going to have another baby.

They had agreed, no more kids.

(Y/n) was on the pill for that very reason and they were always careful. If Lilah's pregnancy was anything to go by, they couldn't have a repeat of that. As much as they loved their kids and would love to expand their family, it wasn't a risk they could say was worth taking.

Her labour with Chris had gone south. Her whole pregnancy with Lilah had been nine months from Hell and that birth almost killed her. It wasn't something Eddie wanted to witness again, he couldn't risk losing a baby or losing (Y/n) and bringing up their kids on his own. He wouldn't survive losing her.

Tears began to trickle down the bridge of (Y/n)'s nose and across her cheeks when Eddie didn't say anything.

He let her deadlock his hand in both her palms and he stayed limp and let her lift his arm to pin his hand to her chest to try and keep herself calm. But (Y/n) watched the way Eddie dragged his free hand across his jaw and down his chin.

The rage was visible in his eyes, but it wasn't directed at her. Eddie wasn't sure who or what he wanted to direct his anger at. Probably himself. He had let this happen. He told himself- he vowed he wouldn't go through another pregnancy, he wouldn't risk (Y/n)'s life like that again.

Now he'd put her in danger. Now she was pregnant he was going to see her deteriorate and worry about coming home to find her bleeding out or passed out on the floor. Or worry about going into labour and coming out without his wife or child at the end of it. What had he done?

"Eddie…" (Y/n) tilted her head down and pressed her lips against his knuckles when he didn't say anything. He just stared down at her legs like he would suddenly find the answers and the words he was looking for if he didn't look her in the eye.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Close to fifteen weeks, they think. I- I didn't want the ultrasound without you, so I'm at the hospital next week."

(Y/n) let them do another blood test and an exam and she got checked over by the doctor, but she wouldn't agree to a scan. She wasn't waiting around in the office for an hour, drinking two pints of water and watching the scan when she was alone. She felt sick, she thought she was going to faint and all she wanted was Eddie.

The doctor booked her the soonest appointment at the hospital, gave her a prescription for two different anti-sickness meds so they wouldn't have a repeat of last time with Lilah. And she was taken off the pill immediately. Now (Y/n) didn't know what to do.

"Eddie say something. Baby please-"

"What are we gonna do?"

(Y/n) wasn't so sure Eddie was speaking to her as much as he was trying to give himself a pep talk which clearly wasn't working.

When he tore his hand out of her grip, her chest tightened and she couldn't stop the tears from flooding down her face. She moved her hands to deadlock her arms around her waist while she watched Eddie slump forward. His elbows dug uncomfortably into his knees, his hands clasped together so tightly the knuckles were almost breathing through the skin. And he meshed his lips against his hands to stop himself from screaming.

"I don't know."

"I tried I- fuck! I tried to protect you and I- I've, I've- I can't lose you." What else was he meant to do? Abstain from (Y/n) for the next ten years until there was no risk of an unplanned pregnancy happening? Eddie knew in his heart he wouldn't be able to do that but he'd give it a damn good try if he had to.

He just wanted to have his family and keep them all safe and well. Pregnancy didn't agree with (Y/n) or in the very least, giving birth didn't agree with her. Everything with Chris had been fine up until the birth, and everything with Lilah was a train wreck.

Eddie wasn't doing that again. He wasn't taking her to hospital demanding someone do something to look after her. He wasn't waking up in the middle of the night worried she wasn't okay. He wasn't seeing her cry in agony or go mad on bed rest that didn't even help her.

He wasn't going to sit back and watch her go through hours of agony and come close to losing her life at the end of it. A baby wasn't worth that. His wife was worth everything to Eddie; he'd give his life for hers.

He wasn't being a single father to their kids because he'd gone and put her at risk by getting her pregnant.

"What am I supposed to do? Eddie I don't… I don't wanna- I can't," When (Y/n) moved her palm to press against her abdomen, she whimpered. She didn't want to get rid of it. She may not look or even feel pregnant yet, but just knowing she was having a baby made her feel different.

The only way (Y/n) would agree to an abortion was if this pregnancy was going to risk her life. She wouldn't take the risk, not after everything with Lilah, and it would break every part of her soul to do it. But right now, she hadn't been told that news.

The doctor was worried, given (Y/n)'s history, which was why she needed a scan and a lot of check ups and she needed to sit down and talk with the doctor and Eddie about this.

But what if it went as smoothly as it did with Chris? What if Eddie finally got that chance to be with (Y/n) when she was pregnant and just see her body change and grow and see the baby develop healthily? What if they got through the next few months with no sickness and no complications and (Y/n) felt fine and active and healthy and happy?

That was a possibility.

"You think I want that?" Eddie's broken tone made (Y/n) cry harder.

She hated the look in his eyes when he snapped his head to the right to look at her. Did she honestly believe Eddie wanted an abortion? Did she think he thought that was the best course of action and that he had no quarrels doing that?

He wasn't brought up that way. Eddie was a catholic, the only kind of termination his family were accepting of was the kind where the mother's life was in danger. But it wasn't just the religious side that got to him. He was brought up on the knowledge that family was everything. Eddie loved his family, he loved the family he created with (Y/n). He absolutely adored their kids and would do anything for them.

He didn't want to lose one, and Eddie could feel the guilt creeping up his throat thinking that getting rid of his own child was better than the risk of keeping them.

"You spent nearly eight months between the hospital and the bed last time, do you wanna do that again? Baby I'm not gonna sit there and watch them dose you on adrenaline because you almost died!"

"Then what do we do? Just say no a-and terminate?" (Y/n) leaned back into the cushions and dragged her hands through her hair. "We tried, but clearly you've got strong swimmers because I'm already pregnant. I can't- I can't just take it back or rewind time. I don't want to put you through that again and I don't wanna be laid up in bed or call you thinking I'm losing our baby."

Tears streamed freely down her face and she held Eddie's hardened gaze when his eyes locked with hers and his jaw clenched so tightly it looked like his teeth would start to disintegrate.

"But it might not be like that… I was so sick with Lilah from the start, if, if I'm fifteen weeks already, I feel fine. And maybe I can have a choice this time, about a C-section."

(Y/n) found out she was pregnant with Lilah from the two-month mark and she had been sick since the beginning. But if she was already over three months, she didn't feel it. (Y/n) didn't feel queasy or run down or like she was going to collapse or throw everything up. She had been a little nauseous at times, but nothing as drastic as last time.

Surely that was a good sign that this pregnancy might go better, like with Chris? Surely they had a chance of a smooth ride this time?

And with (Y/n)'s history, she might have the choice of a C-section. The doctors might agree that her bad birth with Chris and her life-threatening situation with Lilah called for precautions. A C-section would save panic, hassle and take away most of the risks (Y/n) faced.

(Y/n) pressed her hands down into the sofa and looked across at Eddie. He hadn't moved. If it weren't for the harsh sounds of his breathing fanning into his hands, (Y/n) would have thought he had frozen in time. He was as still as a mountain, except for the throbbing vein in his neck.

With her breath held deep in her lungs, (Y/n) pushed herself up and inched to the left until her knee brushed his. When he didn't move, react or pull away, (Y/n) tenderly curled both her arms around Eddie's bicep and leaned over until his arm was pinned against her chest. She pressed her lips down into his shoulder and closed her eyes, breathing in his scent as she waited for him to say something.

"We take it slow, one day at a time."

Her eyes opened and she tilted her head so her chin was pressing down into his shoulder, allowing her to look up at him. He turned his head in her direction but the emotions pooling in his eyes made (Y/n)'s heartbeat quicken.

"What?"

"If you're okay now, you might not be so ill… but if you get sick or half as bad as last time, we have to do something." Eddie knew they had very little choices right now. And he could understand (Y/n)'s point of view, she didn't want to get rid of this baby if they had a chance of having a good pregnancy, especially if she was a little bit further along already and she was okay.

But if something went wrong, if she got severely dehydrated or she got sick or had any complications, Eddie wasn't willing to take the risks. He would rather keep (Y/n) safe and think of her first. If she got ill and couldn't have the baby, Eddie could live with that. As long as she was okay.

"And we push for a C-section, you can't go through another labour like that again. You're my priority, you understand that? There is no question, you're health matters more. I need you- the kids need you-"

"I know, I know baby."

(Y/n) pressed her lips down against the junction between Eddie's neck and shoulder where she could feel his breaths begin to even out. She wasn't expecting him to be happy about this, not yet. Not until they knew how things would go and if they could do this. But she was happy he wasn't outright refusing to give this a try. That was all she could ask for.

And she was in full agreement. They could try, and if this pregnancy went south and they couldn't get through it, then that was okay. (Y/n) couldn't risk her health. She had seen how bad it could get when she had Lilah and by the time she got a placental abruption, there was nothing they could do. They couldn't terminate or speed up the pregnancy or do anything to reverse the damage or make (Y/n) better.

She had to think about Chris and Lilah, it wasn't worth risking her health when she had two children to think about who needed her.

"Will you come to the scan with me, at the hospital?" (Y/n) could barely hear her voice when she spoke against his neck. And she let go of his arm to loop her arms around his neck when he curved his arm around her waist.

He turned to the side so he was facing her and in one swift movement, he pulled (Y/n) so she was sat on his lap rather than beside him. He locked his arms around her waist, keeping her pinned against him.

"You know I will, you're not doing any of this alone, mi amor."

Eddie closed his eyes and tipped his head forward until their temples were touching. He nudged his nose against hers and tried to take deep, calming breaths. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to smile and laugh and cry and bask in the thought of having another baby like he did the last two times. And if this went well, he would have another baby in his arms.

But he couldn't get ahead of himself. He couldn't let his thoughts get carried away and get attached in case something went wrong or they had to make a decision.

His chest tightened and his shoulders tensed when he suddenly felt (Y/n)'s hand reach around to take hold of his left wrist that was resting on her back. He stayed still and waited to see what she was doing, but every part of his body started to shake beneath her when she carefully laid his palm down over her stomach.

His hand started to tremble and he dared to swipe his thumb up and down for a few seconds before he stopped himself.

Tears were already drenching his face.

He wanted to pull his hand away. He wanted to shake his head and say no. He couldn't think like that, he couldn't get ahead of himself. He couldn't imagine anything and get his hopes up. But it felt like it was already too late. (Y/n) was already pregnant, things were already complicated and now there was an image in his head of a new addition to their family. He could almost feel the way (Y/n)'s stomach was going to curve and change; something he absolutely loved but never thought he'd see again.

(Y/n) tightened her arms around his neck when Eddie suddenly leaned around her so he could smother his face in her chest. She could feel his tears soaking into her shirt and she kissed his hair when he pressed his hand down firmer on her stomach like he was waiting for confirmation or even a kick.

She was so lost in the feeling of Eddie's fingers tracing and scrunching up her shirt over her abdomen that (Y/n) almost missed the words he whispered into her chest. "It'll be okay, baby."

She wasn't quite sure who he was talking to.

***

"So, is everything okay?"

(Y/n) wanted to smile. She wanted to look up at Eddie and ask him where his patience of a saint had disappeared to. But she couldn't look away from the midwife, because it was the same question swirling around her head too.

Was everything okay with the baby? What were they going to do if the answer was no? How was Eddie going to react?

"Yes, baby looks to be a healthy size, placenta is in place, blood flow is good. And heartbeat is strong," As she spoke, the midwife tilted the screen in their direction and turned on the volume so they could listen.

Part of (Y/n) had been expecting a different answer. She was expecting to be told something was amiss or maybe she wasn't actually pregnant. Or something had gone wrong because she had been on the pill and didn't know about this sooner.

Seeing that familiar image on the screen and watching the tiny heart thud out a strong rhythm made (Y/n)'s own heart go haywire.

She could feel adrenaline pooling in her stomach and sparking through her veins when Eddie suddenly took her hand. He laced their fingers together and squeezed so tightly (Y/n) couldn't feel her fingertips anymore. But when she dared to drag her gaze away from the screen to look up at him, she was surprised.

He was smiling.

(Y/n) hadn't been expecting to see him smile. She was well prepared for his worried eyes, his jaw locked in place and his lips pressed into a thin line. She had been waiting for him to say something else, ask if something was bound to go wrong.

She was even expecting him to stay silent and not react at all. To see him stood there smiling, with tears bubbling up in his eyes, made (Y/n)'s throat tighten up with the urge to cry.

She moved their entwined hands to hold his hand against her chest, and she could see stars dancing across her vision when Eddie leaned over her. He dragged his free hand through her hair, tangling his fingers into her locks while he tenderly pressed his lips against her temple.

"You alright?"

Eddie dragged his hand across his face and looked across the kitchen at Evan. He managed a smile as Evan reached into the fridge and handed him a beer before he leaned forward on the counter.

"Are you sure, you seem a little, distant." Evan didn't want to pry, but he could see there was something playing on Eddie's mind. The distant look in his eyes wasn't something Evan was used to and Eddie had barely said a word since he walked through the door. And it had been Eddie's idea to come over and hang out while (Y/n) had taken the kids out to the park.

"Just thinking… about this." He took a large swig of his drink while he rummaged around in his back pocket for the small square photo he'd been carrying around for the last three days. It felt like gold dust between Eddie's fingers as he slid the small black and white photo across the counter towards Evan.

His eyes focused intently on his friend, gaging his reaction because he was the first person Eddie had shown this to. He was the first person Eddie wanted to talk to because Evan knew how he would feel and react to this.

"I- oh, this… this is, (Y/n)'s pregnant?"

He watched the way Evan's face changed from a reminiscent smile to a gaping expression with wide eyes and a set jaw. This wasn't an old photo Eddie had dug out the memory box. This wasn't a scan photo from Chris or Lilah's pregnancy. This was recent; this was new. (Y/n) was pregnant; again.

"I thought you said you weren't gonna have any more?" It didn't settle right with Evan that Eddie would suddenly change his mind and be all for this.

Not after how he had reacted when Lilah was born. Everyone on the team could see how Eddie was conflicted; how something so innocent and sweet and heart-wrenching as Lilah could make Eddie feel so strange. Because he was so concerned with looking after (Y/n) and wanting her to be okay, and the only reason she had been suffering in the first place was this little girl who Eddie swore to protect with his life.

It didn't seem realistic that Eddie would do a complete turn around and be willing to have another baby.

Evan remembered them talking a while back, Eddie was adamant he wasn't having any more kids. In his mind, it was as if Eddie himself was placing that risk onto (Y/n)'s shoulders if she got pregnant and he didn't want to do that. He wanted to keep her safe at all costs.

"This wasn't exactly planned, Buck. She's sixteen weeks gone already." A groan tumbled past Eddie's lips and he pushed up off the counter and moved to drag his fingers through his hair.

It felt like there were two different battles raging inside his head and his heart. His heart wanted to go through with this, but his head wasn't so swayed on the idea. His head told him there was still a lot of risks here, they weren't safe or lucky just because so far, nothing had gone wrong. And Eddie didn't want those risks. He wanted none of it.

"What are you gonna do? Eddie… I saw you when (Y/n) was in the hospital, and I've never seen you like that."

"Because I saw my wife almost die because of me."

"Why was that because of you?"

Evan couldn't see that as a fair judgement. Eddie hadn't done anything to put (Y/n) at risk of make her ill. He wasn't the reason her heart almost gave out, he wasn't the reason she got sick in the first place or why she had a placental abruption. He didn't do anything wrong, but he was holding the guilt like it was the only truth he knew.

"I got her pregnant."

"Eddie… that's not how the world works. That bloodloss and those problems (Y/n) had, they weren't a direct cause from you, you can't make that connection and blame yourself. If I drove you somewhere, and someone crashed into us, that wouldn't be my fault… you're consuming guilt you think you deserve, but you don't."

Nothing that happened or went wrong with (Y/n) was directly Eddie's fault. If he could foresee what would go wrong and still went ahead with the pregnancy then maybe he would be at fault. But he couldn't be blamed for everything that happened after (Y/n) got pregnant.

"I just- I don't wanna do that again Buck. I don't wanna sit there and think, is this how it ends? What am I gonna do with Chris and Lilah without her? I can't raise two- or God forbid three kids on my own."

"But you don't know if anything will go wrong. You're acting like it's all agreed but it's not… is this what you want, take away all the risks, what do you think?"

Eddie couldn't go through life weighing the risks to every decision he made and everything that happened. He was never going to live his life if he was going to panic about everything that he did, especially involving his family.

And there was nothing to say that (Y/n) was indefinitely going to be sick or have a complication or come close to losing her life again this time. Eddie was just presuming the future and how he thought it was going to play out. But if he took away all of those preconceptions and thought about this differently, what did he truly think?

If there was no risk, no panic, no uncertainty. Eddie didn't have to think about that. He could hear his heart clearly when all the worries were locked away and put on mute.

If he had no risks to think about, no worries about (Y/n)'s health or her life and he knew she would be okay, then Eddie had no issues knowing what he wanted. This is what he wanted. If things went differently with Lilah's birth Eddie wouldn't be stood here panicking, he would be stood here the happiest man in the world. Telling his friend he was going to have another kid.

"I think I want this baby."

[love-marimo]

Nap Time with Satoru, Suguru, Kento and Toji

Content Warning: Contains N/S/F/W / matured content. Please read at your own risk. Minors do not interact.

ー just some headcanons for nap times with these men because i drank pure black coffee even though im not supposed to bc of my meds and now my mind is telling me to write something so i can fall asleep after 😂 sorry i think i'm not gonna edit this.

ー cw: mentions of sex ★

Satoru

he doesn't sleep

at least he doesn't sleep for long hours

if you're the type of person who values a good sleep then you'll find him annoying because he will pester you.

"babe, i wanna fuck." "babe, i want to eat crepe." "hey babe, cook pancakes with me." "babe there's a new sweets shop in town and it's their opening day i wanna go!!"

he'll tickle you, poke you everywhere, pepper you with kisses, play with your hair… you name it.

"let me sleep for once gojo satoru!" you yell at him, covering your face with a pillow.

but he won't stop. and he knows that even if he pesters you like that you love his company and you love to nap with him so he will pretend that something urgent came from jujutsu tech and attempt to 'leave'.

"oh, i just got a message from megumi. there's a new special grade curse spotted in roppongi and i need to go assist them…"

since you can't see him, you feel him shuffle away from you and hear his footsteps…

but in reality he just moved to stand by your bed and is marching his feet to pretend that he's walking away from you.

at first you were kind of disappointed but you had a feeling, so when you got up to look at him, you expect the same old thing again.

"not this again…"

"okay okay i'm sorry! it's just that i don't want to sleep. the sun is up and bright! we should be out sightseeing." he exclaims ever dramatically.

you just sigh in exasperation.

"you can always do it yourself you know." you reply.

ouch. he always wants to do everything with you though.

"fine, i'm staying here…" he grumbles, going back to bed.

honestly he's such a manchild

you know he likes to put on this act every time he wants attention so you grab a book for him to read and cuddled yourself beside him.

"wake me up in 2 hours, i have work to do."

but after that 2-hour nap you woke to him sleeping, he has the book close to his chest, unread. you smile to yourself fondly. you know he needs all the sleep he can get, even if most of the time he doesn't want to.

Suguru

stroke. his. hair.

the best time to nap with him is after showers in the afternoon.

you both would take turns drying yourselves and it's so intimate?? please.

he doesn't nap often like satoru but when he does he usually ends up napping until the evening.

but he loves massages.

he always falls asleep when you give him massages and it makes you feel satisfied.

but usually he's busy with worship at the temple so that's most likely the reason why he can't nap with you all the time.

if he's not at the cult, he's studying philosophy and ancient scriptures on jujutsu sorcery and cursed spirits.

so you either:

give him a massage, he falls asleep and you follow suit

or come to him while he's studying, lay on his lap and feel the afternoon breeze on your skin as he reads by the balcony, and fall asleep.

"love, you need to wake up. i believe you still have something pending, yes?" his voice slowly wakes you and you hum in reply, voice groggy.

"mm… thanks for waking me." you yawn, immediately embracing his body and clinging onto it for a while.

you mindlessly stroke his hair and he smiles, caressing yours too. you both stay like that for a while as the afternoon slowly turns to dusk.

he may or may not fuck you there. hmm…

Kento

weekend naps!!! yayy

when this man sleeps, he sleeps like he won't wake up.

can't blame him though, exhaustion is like his second nature :(

so when it's the weekend and you both don't have work, you'll both do some house cleaning, bake a little perhaps, and read together.

then you have a designated hour when you'll just crash together on the bed and nap ー which usually turns into a long sleep.

but if you're a light sleeper then you either cook him dinner or wake him up to cook for you.

okay bonus: that designated hour for napping? honey you fuck before you tuck your sheets and sleep. that's the silent rule you both follow.

"what should we do after dinner? if we ever wake up." you chuckle.

"up to you, darling." he kisses your forehead. "we can go to the cinema or take a walk." he adds.

"ehh… i don't feel like going out. it's so cold and i'm very tired from this week's workload." you reply.

"well, in that case… do you want to finish the wine we got from Denmark?" he suggests.

"and eat the leftover pie?" you nudge at him.

you both wiggled your brows at each other playfully and nod together, laughing.

Toji

ohhhhh boy

instead of napping you're likely gonna be fucking

this really became a spectrum of mtl likely gonna fuckk during nap times 😂

kidding aside, toji is so-so when it comes to naps. he's a physically active man and he's rarely home because of his missions and the possibility of him gambling to his wits' end is 99%

so if you're a clingy bimbo you can't expect him to be with you all the time (that's me, i'm bimbo. ouch.)

when the occasion happens and he comes to you frequently, napping with you would depend on his mood

sometimes he would use your washer to clean his clothes and spend all day cleaning out his weapons

my goodness, what a freeloader

and sometimes he would spend the day just fucking you.

it's insane, really.

anyway, the naps would come after fucking, and then when you wake up he's gonna go for another round ー you'll lose your mind i'm telling you. remember to clean up after sex!

but sometimes, when he's in a mellow, depressive mood thinking about his past, cuddlebug!toji mode is activated.

and you, being the understanding but naive lover you are, would immediately take him in your arms and just spend hours talking about random things in your lives, but he rarely talks about his traumas; so you do the same.

"and so what did they say?" he quips.

"well they made everyone pass, but the issue lies in the way that the student lied about being sick just to take the exam he missed. everyone is pissed at him since it's the first time that the prof did this. the prof always shuts down examinees who fail to take his exams." you blabber.

there was silence for a while you caught him staring at you with blank eyes.

"what? what are you thinking?" you ask, intuitively knowing he's deep in his thoughts again

"nothing." he averts his gaze and reaches for you. he hugs your body tight and you did nothing but find comfort in his warmth.

oh, how you wish it was always like this.

ー Lolita

[axxa-the-allikatt]

ETHEREAL~

Hiya, I'm patiently waiting for wuwa's 1.3 to come out, by edging my self to thoughts of fcking pretty, needy, vidhyadhara Dan Heng.

Please don't run away. I'm kidding. Sort of. Anyways-

***

Male reader X Dan Heng IL

***

It was somewhere around 2 at night, when M/n stirred awake to the sound of his door sliding open.

He didn't care to see who it was. He expected it to be one of the astral crew members, coming in to grab a book or something, since he was sort of their librarian with all the books he owned. What he didn't expect was the feeling of his bed depressing as someone got into his bed, their body pressing against M/n's side. As M/n peeked through his eyelids, he saw Dan Heng, his one arm around M/n's waist as he rubbed himself between his legs with the other hand. After a moment's hesitation, M/n called out, "Dan Heng?" The boy's eyes shot towards his face, gasping in surprise. He quickly got up as he tripped over his words, trying to explain himself.

"I- uh- I had a nightmare.. I thought it was okay if I - if I slept here" he muttered, trying to make up a plausible excuse, but failing miserably, considering the obvious shift in his form, which usually only happened when he was on heat, along with the hard on -or specifically- hard-ons that his hands were still rubbing against. M/n chuckled to himself as he pretended to go back to bed, signalling that the vidhyadahara could do the same. Dan Heng let out a sigh as he got into bed with him, now a considerable distance between the two.

Half an hour later, M/n smiled to himself as he heard soft moans and whimpers coming from the other side of the bed. The poor boy was so desperate he hadn't even checked to see if M/n was still awake before continuing his little adventure. M/n slightly shifted in bed, making sure the boy notice as he felt him freezing up. "Are you having a nightmare again, sweetheart?" M/n asked, now face to face with Dan Heng.

He saw him swallow hard, before he let out another whimper. "M/n.." "Yes honey?" M/n asked, patiently waiting for the boy to tell him what he wanted. "Help me... please?" Dan Heng murmured, his voice carrying an unusually low and needy tone.

Well, who was M/n to say no to such a beautiful needy little thing, especially when he was all riled up himself, with all the sounds that kept coming out of the boy's mouth. Without much thought, he rolled on top of Dan Heng, catching his lips in a heated kiss, as the boy let out a gasp, allowing him to press his tongue inside his mouth. Rapidly, but carefully, he pulled of the vidhyadhara's clothes, as though he was a precious doll, then he pulled his own clothes off, before leaning back into the kiss. He gently grabbed onto the boys thighs, as he felt him moan into the kiss, before leaning back and spreading his legs open, placing the on either side of him. He looked at the boys face in amusement, as he realized that the boy was already prepped and ready.

Dan Heng covered his face with his hands as a blush made its way to his face and ears. M/n smiled softly as he gently pinned the boy's hands above his head, before leaning down and pecking his forehead. "Such a good boy, sweetheart." M/n cooed as Dan Heng let out a whine, shaking his hips in impatience. M/n chuckled as he grabbed the boy's hips, pulling them up so that he had more space, before gently rubbed his hole, which was wet with the pre-cum from his two, now red cocks. "Ready?" He asked as Dan Heng nodded.

He slowly pushed his cock inside, a the boy let out a moan, adjusting to the uncomfortable feeling. Once he was completely inside, he stopped for a few seconds, rubbing the boy's wrists and thighs. Once Dan Heng signalled that he was comfortable enough, he pulled back almost completely, before pushing back inside, this time with more force.

Eventually, as Dan Heng's moans became more and more sinful, he picked up his pace, now in an almost animalistic rhythm, as the vidhyadhara's tail wrapped tightly around his waist, then wrapped around one of his own cocks, as M/n's hands played with the other.

The boy let out a high pitched scream, his legs twitching crazily, as M/n's cock pounded right into his prostate. "Nononono awhhh- M/- ahh- M/n- hah~ no not there! Ohgodohgodohgod" his words stuttered off into incoherent sounds as M/n leaned forward, adjusting himself so that he continued to pound into that sweet spot. Not a few seconds later, M/n felt his hole clench painfully tight around his cock, signalling that he was about reach his climax.

With a few last thrusts, Dan Heng eyes rolled to the back of his head, "hah~ cu- ahh oh god~ Cumming!" He screamed as his cum shot out, spilling all over his stomach and chest, a few drops splashing on M/n's stomach. Just a few seconds later, M/n felt the sensation of the tight knot forming in his stomach, as he pulled back to cum outside. He gasped as Dan Heng's tail pulled him back in, and, without any control, he cum shot out, deep inside the boy, as Dan Heng cried out once again. With a few last thrusts, to overcome his high, M/n pulled out, only a little of his cum spilling out, with how deep he had been.

He flopped down to the bed, next to Dan Heng, catching his breath. When he turned back to look at the boy, his breath caught in his throat. Dan Heng's fingers were lightly grazing his stomach, where a little bump had formed from M/n's release, as he looked at it with a soft smile on his face. M/n had to force himself to breathe.

He looked ethereal.

Reblogs appreciated~

[papercupids]

living w svt; headcanons (maknae line version)

or alternatively, sweet sweet domestic fluff scenarios w the maknae line of svt

pairing -> lee chan x reader, vernon x reader & seungkwan x reader.

warnings -> nothing, it's all fluff.

words -> 1.3k

a/n -> this idea came to me so randomly but domestic fluff is a scenario i love so much and i decided to do this !!!! the '97 line is ready as well and it will be out next week i think <3 enjoy !!! :)

-> read the '97 line version here -> read the '96 line version here

☆ chan.

"oh, babe you're up," chan calls out as he hears the door unlock and you're met with the lights on in the living room, not that the darkness in your room already didn't tell you that the sun had already set.

you wanted to take a nap just for an hour, since it was the weekend, but also what you did not want was to sacrifice time from one of the only days that you would get with chan and you'd slept after telling him to wake you up. bad decision, really, because he never woke you up unless it was necessary.

currently you were way too much in love with him to be mad at him for not waking you up. so you sit on the couch beside him and lean your head onto his shoulder and cuddle his arms.

"feeling okay?"

"mmhm, just a little hungry. i think i'll go have the leftover pizza. what are we watching?"

"uh, i'm not sure, whatever you want?"

"i'll go grab the pizza, just put on one of your favourites,"

the favourites were movies that were very diverse in genre. both of you had some movies that you liked in common (namely, some disney movies, some ghibli movies and some romcoms that ended with you both crying on the couch) and some horror/thriller movies that you liked (and chan pretended to not be scared but you could always count on him to have a pillow on his face to save himself from witnessing jumpscares) and a few drama movies from chan's choice (that you considered way too boring and almost always dozed off in the middle of them and chan always had to carry you to the bedroom).

"should i put on frozen? frozen 2?"

there was no answer. chan was suddenly scared.

"babe?"

just what he was afraid of. the pizza box dumped in the garbage bin.

"do you care to explain what happened to my leftover pizza? that i specifically told you i wanted to eat later?"

he laughed nervously.

"i was hungry, babe," he whines.

"and you didn't even tell me you ate it, you’re such a liar, oh my god, i can't believe i'm living with you. what more could have you have lied to me about,"

chan came closer, carefully as your back faces him, his arms wrap around you and feels your comforting smell around him. even though you were being mad at him and this was the worst possible time to be thinking of this, but he loves you. he truly does. 

"let's order again, or better yet? let me make you something?"

that brings a certain excitement to your face as you turn your face to where he's resting his face on your shoulder. 

"really?"

"anything for you, my love,"

"except saving pizza,"

"i'll save it for you, next time, c'mon,"

seungkwan.

"seungkwan, i swear to god, if i clash into anything,"

"you won't, you won't, don't you trust me?"

"not really, but i'm blindfolded and my only help is you right now, so, i'll lie,"

seungkwan had took the opportunity of you both crossing the 3 year mark today to blindfold you and lead you somewhere and although contrary to what you said, you did trust him, but you couldn't help but think about what this could lead to.

after walking around a bit with holding his hand like a lifeline, he finally stops, the keypad beeps as he enters the code in, and you wondered if you were at his place, or some hotel? or somewhere? you couldn't figure it out.

"you can open it now,"

and your hands fly to the knot of the cloth tied around your eyes, and you find yourself standing in the doorway of an apartment. the door was open and you could see seungkwan's sofa and his favourite coffee table. and as you finished taking in the scene of one of the most pretty living rooms you've seen - complete with big windows and a kitchen on the left side.

"what is this, kwannie?"

"uh, an apartment, my apartment to be specific. but," he bends down on one knee, and takes out the key and a note of paper which has the code to the door. "do you wanna move in with me?"

"oh my god, seungkwan,"

"is that a good oh my god, or a bad one,"

"oh my god,"

"my knee, babe, my knee," he joking points that his knees hurt fron kneeling as you try to take in his proposal.

"ofcourse, yes, kwannie, are you kidding,"

since he hasn't gotten up yet, you bend down to hug him, right in the doorway, and pretty soon you're both on your knees.

"i love you so much,"

-

a few days later, you’re sitting on one of the boxes as a makeshift stool, your coffee on the table, as you sipped it, the sunlight came in through the window and warmth spread throughout the room. you couldn't believe that after such a long time, being childhood sweethearts, then a tough, tough phase of a long distance relationship, you were finally here. here with the love of your life sleeping soundly in the bedroom that you both shared.

albeit a lot of unpacking was yet to be done, you looked around the home that was now for the both of you.

a morning has never felt this good.

and as if summoned, your lover wraps his arms around you from the back, "good morning,"

you turn yourself to face him and cup his face, placing a soft kiss on his lips, cheek and then finally, his forehead. 

"indeed, a good morning,"

☆ vernon.

there’s sunlight on your face, vernon thinks. and it makes your face glow in ways he didn't think was humanly possibly. even when you're half drooling on his chest, and have your arm and leg wrapped around him, with disheveled bed hair, to him, you’re the most beautiful creature alive.

his hand strokes your face softly and sonewhere between that, your eyes flutter open.

"we fell asleep on the couch again?"

he nods, smiling as he takes your features in.

it was one of the things that you both often did together, had dinner, put on a movie, cuddled and then fell asleep on the couch, no matter how small it was compared to the bed that occupied the bedroom, it seemed to be way more sleep-able and you were convinced that you'd slept more on the couch than ever on the bed.

"we should stop falling asleep on the sofa,"

"hmm, maybe,"

"maybe, why? the bed's clearly bigger,"

vernon doesn't say anything he just keeps on looking at your hands clasped together, plays lightly with your fingers, he loves mornings like these, when there’s nothing like a deadline or an alarm, no schedules to be attended to or nothing expected of him. just being here, with you and he has the freedom to use the day as he pleases. he loves that.

"but you know," he gets distracted a bit, fixing your hair away from your face, he doesn't wsnt it to be covered, not even a bit. "the bed's clearly bigger, babe,"

and you look at him, confused, as to why he repeated what you just said.

he chuckles, "oh my clueless angel, when we sleep on the bed, we don't have to be so close because it's so big, but the couch on the other hand," he emphasises his point by pulling you in closer, closer that you already were and you csn count his eyelashes, see his skin so closely that you can make out tiny bumps in them.

"we need to be close like this,"

"so you were the mastermind behind this,"

"obviously,"

"you're so frustrating, ugh," and you try to wiggle your hands away from his grasp to sneakily make their way to his tickle spots mainly around his stomach and his sides.

he bursts out laughing soon enough, but you can't defend against him when he comes in with the tickle attacks. 

both of your laughters mixed together carries to the room a few steps away, the bedroom, the bed completely made and untouched as the sun pierces through the window casting a golden light on the sheets.

[love-enby]

Im going to be honest, I don't believe the grooming accusations against Sean Chiplock.

Why, you may ask, when it's (supposedly) all laid out for everyone to see?

Well, after doing some research, I don't believe Casper (or Rina really) to be credible. Why?

Well, let's start!

Firstly, before looking at any of the screenshots, I want to acknowledge Casper himself states he never thought Sean groomed him. That was something Rina claimed, which is false anyway because Casper literally admits they talked for an hour. You cannot groom someone in an hour. I should know, I'm a literal grooming victim myself. (I would rather not share those but if I have to I will idc at this point)

I think it would be better to start with Casper's claim of Sean knowing he was a minor. He and his friend both insist that his age was listed in his profiles, which I can't confirm for Skype (or deviantart for that matter, but as far as I'm aware they never had any contact on DA), and that Sean knew this and still continued to "groom" him. He also claims he never did do NSFW commissions, and that his ex supposedly drew any porn on his account and that he colored it.

Oh? As you guys see here there are numerous claims that he never pretended to be an adult and that he had ages listed in the bio. But you know what? Someone found his Fur Affinity Account, his old Inkbunny account, and a FLIST (for those unaware, this is a PORN SITE.) account linked to his old FA via the Wayback machine. Now, let's look at this, shall we?

So, what about it? Let's look.

No age mentioned here. I'm not going to show every journal entry, but I did CTRL+F the keywords "14" "15" and "minor". No actual results, the numbers just were dates. I provided the link, you can check for yourself. His journals are just classic journal stuff, but he has no mention of his age, unlike the claim here.

Why would he remove his age from his profiles if it was already listed? Unless... it was never there in the first place.

However, I do want to look at one journal entry, which is his commissions tos journal. Why?

Huh? But i thought you said you didn't do those? He does claim the account was "sold when he was a teen". but doesn't give an age at all, or any proof of this. If I had to assume, this was probably after this entry below. Which, the TOS was posted of February of that year. Also, if he had sold it before that TOS was made, why does the archive still have his name listed? It had to have been a late teen when it was supposedly was sold.

Now, let's move onto the Inkbunny thing.

Same username as his old FA, and it has the FA linked.

As you see, there is the Flist account. What happens if you click on the Flist account?

well the actual answer is if you use the wayback machine it just glitches and won't let you go past the warning, but someone found the actual account on the site, which it also shows when someone was last online and when the account was made.

hm. The age says right there, *19*. And it was made 10 years ago. I'm aware the accusations were from 11 years ago, but this account was made a year later. I input the "creation" time from today (July 5 2024 for anyone in the future) and it gave me this date

He was still active on his FA during this time, judging by the journals. I'm sure the date is skewed like a day or so because I'm making this at 2 in the morning, so I have no idea if the FLIST thing was counting today or just yesterday.

So, to summarize: There is no proof that he has listed himself as a minor on any of the medias Sean has contacted him on. Any claims that he has that this "wasn't him", of course, has no proof. Meanwhile, as we see here, the archive isn't lying. This seems to have more evidence against him, as his admitted he used this username before (like I said, he never said *when* it was sold. but it doesn't make sense to me he'd sell it a year after talking to Sean, esp since he had no idea who Sean was at the time. I'm fairly confident this was Casper.)

So? What about those screenshots? Are you saying those are fake too?

No, I'm not going to be one of those "those are fake screenshots!", I'm going to operate that those are real.

Now, Castor, you literally see this weird shit he said to Casper, why the fuck would you side with him?

I feel I should clarify now, I don't think Sean is innocent either. I'm just making this entire thread because everyone is calling Sean a pedo, when all the proof I've seen is a minor invading adult spaces and pretending to be an adult. Genuinely, if you're at a strip club, you're going to assume everyone there is of age, right? Why wouldn't Sean assume the same considering this person was actively in NSFW spaces.

I'm not going to deny, those screenshots are weird. However, I kinda wonder if they weren't intentionally taken out of context. They had both talked previously on FA notes (confirmed by Casper's screenshots), but there is no proof of these notes. We have no idea what was said here. They totally could've had a sexual conversation (not saying they did, just saying it's possible) there, before moving to Skype. I'm not entirely certain of this though. This is just speculation, not trying to argue anything there.

I also feel like Casper's whole argument is lacking a whole bunch of necessary evidence. A bunch of these are just things he claims is true, while having no proof to back these up (minus the screenshots). Literally all the proof he has are those screenshots. Nothing else. I checked.

Meanwhile, the archive literally proves he had to been lying about something, considering the tweets I have shared vs the archive.

This isn't an argument, if this actually happened how it's laid out (x to doubt), but what Rina did also is insanely fucked up. The fact that they decided, without Casper's knowledge or consent, to post all of this "on his behalf" and make these accusations says a lot about them, I feel. This was not Rina's trauma to share. I'm aware he did make a public journal about it, but that was many years ago, and what Rina did was retraumatize and trigger Casper. That's not what a friend does.

I could argue that this whole thing could be intentional, judging by Casper's lack of emotion/anger on this (because I mean let's be real, who the hell wouldn't be mad someone shared your trauma to millions of people and you had to find out by finding the post). I'm aware they did have that little back in forth where Rina was like I MISSED YOU and yadayada, but they easily could've just.. faked that? But that's a whole bunch of hypotheticals without proof, and the whole fucking reason I'm making this post is to post proof against what claims I've seen.

Anyway, I don't really have much else to say, and Idk how to wrap this up tbh.

tldr: i don't believe sean is a pedo like everyone is claiming, i think he was lied to by casper. also, this was a decade ago, and everyone is acting like he can't change from then. i don't think the screenshots are fake and he should be held accountable for those (which he's trying to take some responsibility for but he rightfully doesn't want to say "those are real!" because no one can actually confirm those are real screenshots.)

Also, by all means if more solid evidence comes out against Sean, I will admit I'm wrong. But as of right now, a bunch of screenshots that are out of context, from a now deleted DA account/journal (and Skype) that you can no longer access, does not seem solid at all.

[nightynightghoul]

Ghouls behaving like dogs this, ghouls purring like cats that but... have you ever thought. Ghouls that make ferret noises? (I mean I'll never say they don't purr like the biggest cats because I love them, but. Expanded library of noises ?)

This video 👇 is like 4 minutes long. If you have the time, watch it and think of ghouls just living their mundane day to day but with ✨noises✨. Of course ferrets are small animals and their sounds are all high-pitched so let's pretend ghouls just make them with a lower pitch since they're human sized or bigger.

(Maybe the clergy does have a video just like this one but instead of ferrets it's someone who was tasked with following the ghouls to catch all the noises, so new siblings know more or less what they mean)

Warning: This video is time stamped correctly, so if you don't want to hear distressing animal noises skip 7, 8, 10, and 11.

Now, if you ask me. Which you haven't. Allow me to tell you a case by case of the ✨noises✨as numbered in the video.

1 . The baby squeak: Kit is born, eyes and ears closed. More wriggly fluffy creature than a demon really, and this is the only noise they can make. They don't cry like human babies do at first, just squeaks.

2. Older kit honk: Phantom is having a nap on the couch in the common room and while yes he is fully grown, he's honking in his sleep. Mountain and Dew, who are at the table sorting some new seed packets, turn to look at him.

Dew: huh... haven't heard that noise in a while.

Mountain: I hear it almost every day

Dew: huh? There are no kits here.

Mountain: Who said kits. You do the same when you sleep.

Dew: I WHAT?!

Or maybe it's made when someone is feeling really vulnerable or crying. But also can be heard when someone is begging for something, in the same way a child would say "please please please pretty please".

Cumulus is waiting for her cupcakes to cool before frosting them, and is holding onto her last bit of patience as Swiss who is sitting on the table with his head resting on his arms keeps honking at her to get just one bite.

3. The mothering call: Any ghoul can make this noise but it happens more when a ghoul grooms another. Like saying "stay still!".

Cumulus' room filled with that noise as she, Cirrus and Aurora groom Sunny, who got all muddy outside and is not allowed on the bed before she's deemed clean.

Also, catch Aether making this noise at Dew every time he sees him after a couple of hours. Just snuffling him and scenting him all over. Dew is grumpy about it, but everyone can just tell he loves it.

4. Annoyed hiss: Yes, ghouls can hiss like cats but this one is not a "i'll kill you" hiss. It's more like a "ugh" or an "ew". Washing dishes and the stray spoon sends water everywhere - annoyed hiss -. Mountain sees an unwelcome bug in his greenhouse - annoyed hiss -. Rain tracks water and mud inside and Swiss steps on the puddle - annoyed hiss-.

5. Annoyed fighting call: To me more like a playfighting noise. Like the play bow dogs do but in noise form. A way to say yes I'm biting you but not for real.

Phantom and Aurora make it all the time when they play outside but older ghouls who take themselves too seriously (cough - Alpha) would rather die than make that noise.

6. Defensive yap: Ghouls don't say "ouch" when they get hurt by something small, they make this little yip.

Omega is drawing Pebble's blood, but since Pebble prefers not to look it always catches him by surprise and they yip. It's always a noise for minor things, like stubbed toes, stepped on tails...

7. Pain squeal: Now this noise is for actual pain, in the moment. Got bit by Swiss so hard it bled. Dropped an instrument on their foot. It's both involuntary and purposeful. the purpose being to let every other ghoul know that whatever this was really hurt and they could need help.

They're all in the middle of rehearsal and when Dew is bending backwards he squeals. Everyone stops playing and singing, and Copia is very confused. They all look at Dew, who is about to cry... and that's why Rain supports his back now.

8. Scared squeal: I feel like this noise is not for "I am about to die" fear but more like "you startled me" or that strange stress/fear when you're being chased or stalked while playing.

Aether is mad because of a prank and has Swiss and Dew cornered and they just keep making this noise.

9 and 10. Dooks: I feel like adult ghouls make this noise but it sounds a lot deeper maybe gruntier? And again when fighting it's not a "I will kill you" more like "I'm gonna get you!". But that same noise when a ghoul tops or is more dominant in sex and then it's not a "I'm gonna get you" but "I'm gonna get you so good". More often made by excitable or younger ghouls.

11. Terror screech: Now, this is the noise you hear when a ghoul is in serious danger or pain. This is probably what Mountain and Aether heard on the other side of the door when Dew was made to change elements. It can also be heard when they are summoned and sent back, since the process is terrifying and painful.

12 and 13. Happy dook and panting: It's made involuntarily and they often don't realize they're doing it unless it's pointed out.

Maybe at night the common room is filled with these noises when Phantom, Swiss and Rain are playing videogames together. Just a lot of chatter that says "I'm happy".

Or maybe Ifrit (golden retriever energy) makes it every time he gets to nuzzle into Zephyr's soft feathers.

Picture a big ghoul pile where everyone is already half asleep and Copia comes in and gets pulled in the middle of the pile. One ghoul starts making the noise as they sniff Copia and his clothes, then two and suddenly every single one makes it until they settle again.

14. Sleep talking/ Being in pain: I think even the strongest, most stoic ghouls sleep talk like this, and the others record them and send that to the groupchat. Big ol' Omega is having a powernap in his infirmary office, and Phantom records him.

Or when Zeph or Rain can't hide their pain any more. This noise is like a direct call for Dew or Ifrit to come warm them up and soothe the pain.

Aurora is a master at faking this noise to get her way with the older ghouls. This plus puppy eyes, and she gets her way, every single time.

[daflangstlairde-art]

Masterpost/intro

Hello, I'm DaFlangstLairde, you can also call me V, [they/any]. I'm coming to Tumblr mainly to post art, fanfiction, and general content for whatever my current special interest is (Rise of the TMNT atm). Will mainly be lurking because initiating social interaction,,, scares me. But feel free to send asks or message me to chat! <3

General art tag: #daflangstlairdeart

General fic tag: #daflangstlairdefanfic

Whumtober 2024 tag: #dfl's whumptober 2024

—

I Still Feel Alive — Leo-centric series

Series Summary: Leo's stay in the Prison Dimension was not only longer, but a lot more painful, with only the company of a violent alien and the ghost of his future self.

Miraculously, however, he survived, and his family got him out in the end.

But then he—and the ghost—find they have to actually face and process the hardships they've endured. Along the way, they have to learn how to hold onto hope; how trauma most often affects you after the fact; how to be vulnerable and connect with your loved ones; what real strength is; and how to move on and live, amongst other things.

Feat. a lot of bad jokes.

Tag for the series: #dfl rottmnt isfa (includes updates, art I've made for it, etc)

Work 1 — Stranded Lullaby, words: 32,840

Summary: Uhm.

What was he supposed to do now–?

It was supposed to be a one-and-done thing. Drop the one-liner, roll credits. Leo had his moment, and had accepted his fate. Now what?

—

Leo sacrificed himself to keep the world safe from the Krang. However, he doesn't die as expected, and instead has to navigate survival in a barren land of hostility. His only company are rocks, an angry alien, and... the ghost of his future self?

Work 2 — Soft to be Strong, words: 38,850

Summary: Everyone is pretty shaken up after the Invasion. On the good side, they all have a kick-ass support system.

On the bad side, there seems to be something more going on with Leo.

Bonus 1 — Feels Heavy, Travel Light, words: 5,840

Summary: Leo, Future Leo & Krang Prime, and some games. Leo's family, and some games.

—

Two dead turtles. Sitting across from each other. Pretending to play Mind Cards.

—

But Leo wanted to feel the good parts, too.

He wanted to be here. Truly here.

Work 3 — Heart to Heart, words: 69,193

Summary: Five times Leo connected with his family and found understanding, and... one time Leo connected with his family and found understanding?

Work 4 — Gladiator (What if I Can't Let Go?), words: 43,624

Summary: On pawns and queens, rabbits and wolves, and becoming the monsters that haunt us.

Or,

Leo has developed plenty of pretty good coping mechanisms, he needs to fulfill his quota on the bad ones. Anything to fill the absence that awaits him.

Or,

“Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.” —David Foster Wallace

—

Electrocardiogram — Disaster Twins oneshot, words: 1,865

Summary: For a second Donnie thinks he wants Leo's heartbeat to just fucking stop already so the beeping ceased, and the speed with which he shakes that intrusive thought out of his head is rivaled only by Splinter when pizza is the prize.

He doesn't mean that, and he knows that he doesn't mean that. He was just- already on edge, he'd felt off for about several hours now, and the irritant that is the beeping is… well, irritating him.

-

Donnie gets a bit overstimulated and becomes snappy, but it's all out of care for his injured brother. Before anybody gets truly hurt, they handle it in a mature and healthy way as much as they can.

— DaFlangstLairde <3

[fl3shm4id3n]

Atsv x atwow, gender neutral reader accidentally travels to pandora and gets stuck there, let's just pretend they can breathe the air or their spider suit provides oxygen, reader is really confused on how they ended up in a colorful glowing forest, they walk around trying to find someone and guess who they found, Spider! They were both confused, reader was confused on why he's wearing a mask and Spider is confused on how they can breathe, Spider decided to take reader to Max and Norm so they can get checked, the 3 we're surprised when they found out that reader's body can make spider webs and they can climb, fast forward both Spider and reader are really close, they were also close with the Sully's, they really like reader because they've helped them around, it was all peaceful until the deja vu squad came, Quaritch was really taken back when he saw reader, them breathing without an oxygen mask and holes on their wrists? That's not normal, when Quaritch decided to take reader, he will and take reader, then Neytiri's calls could be heard, they all knew what to do, few moments later and everyone is running away except reader because they were held back by whoever, that was whoever's first mistake, reader bit whoever and injected venom, and guess what reader's venom can make? Make hallucinations! And it also slows down the body's movement so basically it's like a nightmare, the venom lasts for 2 and a half hours if its not cured, now here is what you can choose, reader is captured with Spider, the 2 got so close that they're now a thing! The second choice is reader going to the reef with the Sully's, that's all I could muster I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense, and as usual I hope you have a great day and remember to eat well and drink water! :D

Bₑᵢₙg ₐ ₛₚᵢdₑᵣ ₚₑᵣₛₒₙ fᵣₒₘ ₐₙₒₜₕₑᵣ Dᵢₘₑₙₛᵢₒₙ ₐₙd ᵢₙ ₚₐₙdₒᵣₐ wᵢₜₕ ₜₕₑ ₛᵤₗₗy'ₛ ₐₙd ₛₚᵢdₑᵣ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ 'ꜱᴘɪᴅᴇʀ' ꜱᴏᴄᴏʀʀᴏ x ꜱᴘɪᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ! ɢɴ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Tw: RDA/ Deja Blu team, mentions of violence, biting, captivity, mentions of fascist and capitalism, Reader and Spider crushing on each other.

A/N: I somewhat based the reader of Hobie Brown, I also had a hard time trying to come up with something, but I got something! I hope you like this! I hope you're safe and staying Hydrated.

Masterlist

You had been going to different dimensions, making sure that everything was alright, until something went wrong. You had basically got stuck in a dimension that wasn't your home, luckily for you someone had found you and decided to help you. This known of the name of Spider took you to these group of scientists to help you out. They scientist known as Norm and Max were surprised about how your DNA was mixed with a spider's, also that you were able to breath air.

When they had began to ask how you ended up here and how you had spider DNA, you went from all the way to the beginning. Telling them that you got bitten by a radioactive spider and that you had been a Spider Person for the last three years, then you explained on how you were able to go to many dimensions. "So let me get this straight, you're from another dimension? As in another Pandora?" Spider asked. "Yeah, I'm from Pandora-2009, and this Pandora that I'm currently from is Pandora-2023" you explained.

Both the scientist couldn't believe this, you? From another dimension? that was unheard of. Since you knows how long it'll take you to go back home, you'll stick around with the Spider, scientist and the others that live on the planet.

Then you met The Sully's, in all honestly, they looked exactly like the Sully's back home, except they were na'vi.

They also wanted to know about this whole dimension thing, so you explained to them just like how you explained to Norm and Max. The rest is history.

For the last couple months, you had been with the Sully kids and Spider, they thought it was cool how you had spider powers. How you can shoot out webs from your arms, climb onto trees easily, have spider senses and had inhumane strength.

They seemed interested on how you were basically a human Spider, you were a part of the mischief that they'd do. They were very interested on your life back in your universe and you told them everything.

They've also noticed how you were always question authority and how you refuse to listen to anyone older than you. You'd always tell them that you're your own boss. You were a good person, but sometimes you were hard to deal with or just get to understand.

You and Spider had grown kind of connection, sure you only knew him for a couple months, but you were growing closer.

When you weren't with the Sully kids, you and Spider were together. Spider was really interested on how your Pandora was like and he wanted to know a bit more about you personally.

Everyone began to notice how you and Spider were close, but you both would just say that you two were friends. Even though you had been developing feelings for the boy for the last couple months but choose to say nothing.

The Sully kids had seemed to like you, they saw you as a fun cousin to be around. You were fun and very helpful

Then Deja Blu came, you, Spider, Lo'ak, Kiri and Tuk were just looking around the forest like usual, you felt your spider senses tingle and tried to warn the kids that you should leave not, it was too late. You all were captured by a team of Recoms.

You and the others were no prisoners, the team had been looking for Jake Sully, but you all refused to speak. You had been screaming at them to fuck off and to let you all go.

The leader was curious when it came to you. He was curious on how you were able to breath the toxic air and the holes on your wrist were you'd shoot your webs.

Until eclipse, you were all waiting for something to happen, then came Jake, Neytiri and Neteyam, hell broke lose. You decided to do what both Lo'ak and Tuk did, you bit your captive, but not only that, but you had injected the venom that you had contained in your teeth into the fake.

He let go of you right away, he was hissing and crying in pain while you ran away with both Kiri and Spider. The venom had gone to work right away. He'll be hallucinating and it'll slow him down for about two to three hours, that should be enough time for you to get away.

Due to an explosion, Spider had fallen off the tree, causing him to roll down onto the floor, then you used your webs to get him as fast as you could to get him back up, but you were taken down with him, being captured again.

Now you and Spider were in a prison like cell, you had tried to everything to get out of the cell, but nothing worked. You were both trapped.

Until you were both taken out of the cell and were basically getting tortured, no matter what the RDA did, you both did not say a word. Since then on, you began to refer to them as Fascists, not only that but what they were doing is a work of Capitalism.

The only way that you and Spider, might have a chance to escape was that you both play along with the RDA. You hated it.

Even though you both were force to work with the enemy, you had on another, you had even confessed to Spider, incase you both didn't make it out of the RDA.

[xumuchluv]

Extracurriculars

Chapter 1 - Saturday before that day Next Chapter (2) Introduction & mini Prologue Masterlist

Includes: Txt members, Yeji, Hyunjin, Junyoung Warnings: (Almost) Car accident, swearing Word Count of chapter: 2k Notes: Proof-read.

"Good morning Sunshine!" A tall boy exclaims as he yanks open the door to the sleeping boy's room, his voice cutting through the morning silence. "Ughhh," Beomgyu groans, pulling his blanket over his head. "Fuck off." He shifts back into a comfortable spot, desperate for more sleep.

"Is that any way to talk to your best friend, hm?" The tall boy, Kai, now hovers above Beomgyu with a teasing smile, his brown eyes gleaming with mischief. Beomgyu opens his eyes, staring blankly back into Kai's playful gaze. "Kai…" His mouth opens, and a stream of profanities and threats flow out.

Needless to say, Kai was exiting the room alone after that encounter. Beomgyu, finally satisfied with his reunion with silence, attempts to get back into his once comfortable position. However, no amount of tossing and turning helps him find it. So, he whines and sits up on his bed, hair sticking out in all directions.

One leg of his pajama pants is stuck at the fold of his knee, while the other dangles freely. Beomgyu limply walks out of his room, shielding his eyes from the brightness of the living room. He groans, steps back, but then decides he might as well get something to eat. In the kitchen, he is met with the sight of his early-bird friends eating a hefty breakfast—or lunch? Brunch, he supposes.

"Look who decided to show up," Beomgyu's brother, Soobin, states with a smirk. Sitting next to Soobin is Yeonjun, who adds, "No way you just woke up now. It's almost noon, Gyu."

"Not you pretending as if you didn't JUST wake up as well," Taehyun chuckles, grabbing an orange juice box from the fridge. "You're gonna give me a bad rep. I woke up at a reasonably early hour. You just wouldn't know since you torture yourself every day by waking up at 5 am to work out or something," Yeonjun retorts.

"Oh my god, is that what he's been doing these days? I thought he got himself a girl. I guess he's just bulking up," Kai laughs out.

"Yeah, okay, and what's wrong with that? At least I'll be prepared in case there's a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion. Can't say the same for you two," Taehyun counters childishly, drinking from the juice bottle before heading over to sit beside his friends.

Beomgyu, still too tired for this level of conversation, walks over to Soobin, who is as unbothered as always, focused on chewing as much as he can while others are distracted. Beomgyu sits down next to him and starts eating as well.

And that's how Saturday morning went for Beomgyu.

-----

You look across the road before you cross.

It's nighttime, and half the city is asleep while the other half is full of youngsters littering the streets. You're a part of the latter. "I'm serious, Tyun." You're on a call with your online friend Taehyun, "I'm so scared. What if I fail all my courses and nobody likes me—"

Taehyun cuts you off, "No, trust me. You'll do great here, and you'll fit right in. And you'll always have me anyway." You sigh. He seems to always know exactly what to say to calm your nerves. "Yeah, true. Thanks, Tyun—"

A loud, approaching sound from your right grabs your attention. You turn to look and are blinded by two bright headlights. Your mind races, trying to process the speeding car barreling toward you. There's no time to react. You close your eyes and brace yourself, awaiting the pain of a crash.

Suddenly, you feel two strong hands grab you from behind and hurl you onto the pavement behind you. The impact knocks the wind out of you, but you're alive. You open your eyes, disoriented and shaken. Your hair and clothes are disheveled, and you frantically check for injuries. The car speeds past where you stood just moments ago. You let out a breath you weren't aware you were holding and lay your head back onto the floor underneath you, relieved.

"Ow," you hear, realizing you're sprawled across a stranger. You scramble to your feet, but your knees give out, and you collapse back onto him. "OW!" he yells louder this time. "I'm so sorry, I—" You start, but the stranger pushes you off roughly.

"Ow..." It's your turn to groan. You get up slowly, your nerves rattled by the man's shrieks of pain. You extend a hand to help him up, but he just shakes his head and stands on his own.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice I was on top of you. Thank you so mu—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he interrupts. "Why were you walking with your eyes up your ass?"

"Excuse me?" you snap back, lifting your right eyebrow in annoyance.

The man sighs and looks down. That's when you notice his ripped clothes and your open bag with its contents scattered across the pavement. Panic sets in as you search for your phone. Taehyun must have heard everything. You spot your phone on the road, smashed beyond repair. "Shit, shit, shit… no…" You pick it up, confirming there's no hope of fixing it. You sigh heavily.

You turn back to see the stranger gathering your belongings. This mix of helpfulness and rudeness confuses you. Nevertheless, you owe him your life. "Thank you so much. I don't know how to repay you, um…" You pause, waiting for his name, but he just stares at you, annoyed. You scoff and look away. Whatever.

You snatch your bag from his hands and start walking in your original direction, but without your GPS, you're lost. You turn back to the stranger. "Um, do you know a place nearby called 'HotWire?'"

"No. Bye," he replies, walking away. Ugh, what's his deal? You decide to follow him.

"What are you doing?" he asks, glancing at you from the side of his shoulder with pinched eyebrows.

"I think you're injured. Let me help you reach your destination safely." The lie you formed off the top of your head, is not the best, but it's a bit believable, right? He stops and sighs deeply. "Okay, listen. I know a... friend who can take you to HotWire. They'll be here soon. I'll just tell them to drop you off."

You smile, relieved. "Okay!" He looks away, and you drop your smile.

"Just don't bother me while we're in the car. Stay far away." You roll your eyes. "Yeah, don't worry. We're not magnets. I'll manage."

"Good then." He grins finding your response witty, and takes off his ripped jacket, revealing his muscular physique. You swallow hard, caught staring. He chuckles, amused by your reaction. You quickly look away, embarrassed.

You wait awkwardly for his friend, your phone broken and the mysterious stranger silent beside you.

-----

You swear six hours have passed, but it's only been 15 minutes. A small sports car approaches, and you practically run towards it. In the driver's seat is a gorgeous girl, and in the passenger seat, another handsome man. You squeeze into the backseat after the stranger jumps in without a word.

"Um, who is this?" the girl asks, noticing your unfamiliar presence.

"Some random blind chick who almost got hit by a car," the stranger says, but you quickly cut him off.

"Hi, my name is YN. I almost got into a car crash, but this extremely courageous young fella saved my life." You say sarcastically and extend your hand to the girl, but she just looks you up and down.

The man in the passenger seat laughs heartily, earning an eye roll from the stranger beside you. He wipes his eyes and shakes your hand. "Hi, YN. Sorry that happened to you. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," you reply, appreciating his concern.

"Glad to hear, there are many kids rolling the streets at this time, many of them drunk. or high. or high and drunk. Anyway, it was probably a group of idiots in that car.". he says.

He introduces himself. "I'm Hyunjin, and this overly-jealous girl beside me is my twin sister, Yeji. And the charming piece of sunshine beside you is my dear friend. You probably already know his name, no?" You look the male beside you in the eyes and reply, "No, I don't know his name." Your answer somehow seems to please Yeji and her face relaxes slightly as she faces you. Hyunjin laughs, it's not an enjoyable laugh it's more of a ridiculing type of laugh.

"Well I'm Junyoung. Hyunjin stop laughing like a hyena before I push a stick into the side of your throat." Junyoung says, tone serious. But Hyunjin only laughs harder.

Yeji sighs, annoyed. "What are you doing in the car? Surely you can walk since you seem fine," she says, fiddling with her hair and eyeing you through the rearview mirror.

"She wants to go to HotWire. Drive her there," Junyoung commands. Hyunjin stops laughing at the mention of the bar. Yeji twists her head towards you, as if she heard a triggering word.

And you are confused by this trio.

-----

During the car ride, you break the ice by explaining that you arrived in the city three days ago to study at the famous university, GreenWood. You mention you're heading to HotWire to meet your freshmen peers. You leave out the part about accidentally joining the freshmen group chat and skipping ahead to sophomore year since none of that would matter to the preoccupied driver Yeji and phone addict Junyoung. Hyunjin weirdly enough, was the only one actively listening to you. . However, you do share that Taehyun, your online friend, convinced you to study here. Speaking of Taehyun, using Hyunjin's phone, you reassured Taehyun that you were fine despite his incessant worrying.

You also miss out mentioning the fact that Taehyun, your online friend that you'll finally get to meet, is the person that convinced you to pursue a student life away from your family and friends because you've always wanted to study in that university. Speaking of Taehyun, you managed to call him through Hyunjin's phone. You reassured him that you were all fine despite his incessant worrying.

Eventually, you unite with your freshmen peers, get drunk, and get dropped off at your dorm by some random person. Once you arrive and lay on your tiny couch, you feel a paper in your pocket. You pull it out to find Hyunjin's number with a badly-drawn wink emoji. Drunk you doesn't care and laughs.

And that's how your Saturday night went.

[jennay]

Play Pretend 3

Play pretend 3

A/n: do you guys want to see the relationship flourish and fixed? I was thinking about ending it here unless you want to see that side of things. 💜

When you roll onto your back, you instantly regret it. Not only do you feel nauseous, but you feel blinded by the sun leaking through your bedroom blinds.

"I can't." You whisper as you put your hands over your eyes. Your mouth feels dry, and your throat burns from all the cigarettes. You swore you'd never smoke again, but one too many drinks and that went out the door.

Your body was paying for your awful choices, and you were still in denial of your drinking problem. If you pushed it away and didn't think about it, then the anxiety of life would fade from existence.

At this very moment, you wished you could call Joseph and have him ease your anxiety, but you'd ignored him for days and weren't sure if it would be fitting to contact him now. Weeks had passed, and you didn't respond, but now that you needed something, you'd call? No. You weren't going to do it. You'd swallow the pain and erase the memories of Jamie and Joseph from your mind.

"1...2...3..." You sit up and push the blankets off your body. Slowly, swing your legs over the side of your bed; resting your face in your hands, you stare at the ground and pray the headache disappears. It won't, but the least you could do was hope.

You stand to your feet; you notice your bedroom door is open. You think it's odd, considering you sleep with the door closed, drunk or not, that door is closed.

You blink your eyes slowly, trying to regain your vision. The tiredness soon fades, and eyes become clear. Your breath gets caught when you see a body on your couch wrapped in your favorite quilt.

"Fuck..." You mutter to yourself. You don't remember having anyone over last night. What did you do?

Quietly you creep across the wooden floors and lean over just enough to catch a glimpse of the side of the person's face...Jamie?

You roughly pull the blanket off him, ready to scream at him. You knew he had a key to your apartment, but he had no right to use it whenever he wanted to. That's not what it was for.

He groans a few times before opening his eyes. "It's too early, darling. Go back to bed." He shoves his face back into the pillow; bending his knees, he turns to his other side.

Anxiety flushes through you. "Jamie..." You whimper his name, and he can't ignore your tone.

He stretches his back out and gently brings himself to a seated position. He rubs his eyes and brushes his hair behind his ears, giving you his full attention. "If you're going to call me at 1 am, you should at least let me sleep 8 hours before waking me up." He teases you, but when your eyes start to water, and the look of fear plasters your face, he pats the spot next to him. "Come talk with me."

"I don't remember calling you." You whisper. "I'm sorry." Your face falls to your hands again, and you sob gently. You weren't crying because Jamie was sitting on your couch. You were crying because the last few months of your life had passed quickly, and you treated them poorly during it. Even in your drunken haze, you tried reaching out to him.

Jamie rubs your back as he tilts his chin and sadly watches your body tremble. He isn't sure what you want to hear or if he should tell you everything you said to him last night. "You know." His hand stops at the small of your back, "I wanted to tell you before this, but I was wrong."

Eyebrows raise with curiosity. In your clouded mind, you couldn't put the pieces together. "Wrong about what?"

"I lied." He takes a deep breath, "I had feelings for you; well, I have feelings for you."

You laugh, disbelieving, "You lying isn't making me feel better."

Jamie scoots closer to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder, bringing you back. Your head falls to his chest, and his hand runs down your bicep. "I was ready to end that man's life for you." He exhales loudly. "If that's not love, I don't know what is."

Confused, you ask, "What, man?"

"Alex," He sighs, not wanting to explain any further.

"Alex?"

Jamie runs his fingers through your hair. "You really don't remember? He told you it was time for your relationship to go further and wouldn't leave your house until he got what he wanted?"

Your body tightens as your memories fade in and out. "Jesus Christ. You were right about him."

Jamie squeezes you tighter. Upset that you had to have that memory imprinted in your brain. "You text that he was scaring you."

"I'm so sorry." Your eyes water when you think of what could've happened if Jamie couldn't come at that moment.

"I do love you, (y/n)." He pauses as he tries to think of what to say. "But we're in different spots in our lives, love. You still want to be wild and crazy. I want stability and calm. It's something I won't get from you, and that's OK, darling. I want you to be happy, and you won't be happy with boring old me."

Your shoulders drop, and a small calm fills your body. Why didn't he give you that explanation before? It would have been a whole hell of a lot nicer than him spouting that none of it was real. You tilt your head and stare at the ceiling attempting to process. "I don't think your boring. I had fun snuggling on the couch and being tucked into bed with someone who loved and cared for me." You admit. "You hurt me. Like you didn't care about me and lied about everything to get in my pants. You became just another guy; I never saw that coming. I felt like you got what you wanted and left than expected me to still be OK with being your friend."

"I never wanted to make you feel that way." He says, kissing the top of your head. "How do we fix this?"

You push your face to the crook of his neck and softly say. "I don't know. I just want my friend back."

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