#let me please get a new job
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Hi hello does Shane finally get a new job once Joja inevitably closes?????
Because you know fuck Joja Mart
#Please tell me he gets a new job once Joja closes with this new update please please please#He needs a new job man give him a new job#Maybe not straight away but he deserves to find something you know#Let him work and be less miserable#stardew valley shane#sdv shane#Sdv#stardew valley
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WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT VERSION CONTROL omg i am losing my mindddddd why do editors have so much trouble with this concept??? if you send someone comments on a document and ask them to revise even though you know more comments on that version are coming, they're going to submit a revision and then you're going to give them comments on THE OLD VERSION THAT DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE WHAT ABOUT THIS MAKES SENSE PEOPLE. i spent half an hour explaining this to someone yesterday and i thought she got it and then today she did something EVEN MORE NONSENSICAL than what she was planning to do originally! o glorb stay my hand i am about to do something unwise!!!
#just don't have them submit a revision until you're done with that version!!! you are creating two alternate timelines here!!!!!#i can't do my job in parallel universes please help a broad out oh my god IT'S NOT HARD!!!!!!#yesterday i was like how about. you send them the comments you have so far. and tell them more comments are on the way.#and then AFTER they've gotten and responded to all the comments you have them submit a new revision?#and she was like yeah that makes sense!#then today she sends them the comments but is like 'revise this and send me the revision outside the system while you're waiting#for the rest of the comments' NO!! BAD EDITOR!!!!! THAT'S WORSE NOW IT'S ALL OUTSIDE OF THE SYSTEM WHAT IS#WRONG WITH YOU!!!!#if you want to get a revision sooner then just tell the other people who are reviewing to hold off & do their review of that future version#i don't understandddddd oh my god i should have just not said anything to her yesterday. this is worse than if i had just#let her do the stupid thing she was originally going to do. now she's gonna do everything outside the system#why though!!!!!!!#my posts
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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I have just over a week before I'm in SE asia for 3 weeks so I'm gonna try so hard to get the K/im x H/arry fic I'm working on out of the way before I go 🥲
Also I have, like...tomorrow morning, maybe?? To record my cold blessing wav because it's the last day I have alone for over a month
#autistic crying#dgmw i'm looking forward to my holiday#just exhausted in advance#and then i have to try and find a new job when we get back and also a new flatmate...just. a lot in one go#should maybe have calmed down in September 😭#my sister is on the same page with me about downtime on this trip for fic writing lol#please god please don't let either of us get sick on this trip like last time#that was 5 weeks and we were sick in japan. wonder if anyone enjoys that saga of me complaining about how tortured i was then lmao#this time it's 2 countries we've never been to before rather than 3 of our favs so#PLEASE i absolutely MUST manifest health 🙏#nttalks
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Repeating my mantra every day, multiple times a day, in my head, one of the main phrases of which I say on repeat being "I Am Not Stuck".
#there's the 'please let me get a new job soon/I will get a new job soon' and then specifying the job in particular#and even something about love and romance
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Crowdsourcing a question
Okay totally personal post here because, now that search engines suck, my research is failing me. So I'm crowdsourcing my question about the residential care work industry!
Hoping at least some of my followers have experience in/with the industry and some intel on this:
Actual question: How common is it for jobs in residential care work (residential centers, btw, not home care) to actually have two people on the night shift? vs. just saying they always have two people on the night shift in interviews and their official policies, and actually it's not true?
Because my current job was, it turns out, apparently totally lying about "you'll never be on shift alone with clients" at orientation (when it comes to the night shift, anyway). Which, holy fucking safety issues, Batman!
Suffice to say this was a very fun thing to find out like three days before my first regular shift
So, I'm thinking realllll hard about switching companies, and I'm trying to figure out if I could expect to actually have a coworker at a different company, or if it's like an open secret in the field that actually, basically all the night shifts end up being solo shifts, because the industry is so chronically understaffed or w/e
#not news#ask#me#ideally only answer if you actually have specific knowledge of or experience with the industry#technically I'm working with disabled clients but also open to other sectors of residential care work if I do get another job#so if it's something that differs by sector please do let me know!#thanks so much#safety issues are for both me and the clients btw#this is not like “I'm afraid of the clients” in any way#it's about the fact that if something happened and I got hurt#I am the only staff in that whole house until morning#and there is MAYYYYYYYBE one client who is actually physically capable of calling for help#if I can't for whatever reason#also!!! this is an incredibly vulnerable client population with horrifyingly high abuse statistics!!#they should not be leaving someone they literally just hired completely alone with the clients every night for eight hours???#not gonna give more details for many obvious reasons#but like. just. no. don't do that. no.#in any residential care work facility imho but ESPECIALLY in this type of facility#also like if a client has a medical emergency#you're really gonna want both someone who can render aid AND someone who can call 911 and the on-calls and such#and yes the chaos and “surprises” around this job and scheduling is why I haven't been doing original posts lately#so answering also helps me get back to doing that sooner!
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Before leaving work last Monday, I overheard my coworker say today "I'm sooo excited to watch Eurovision today 💅💅" and I was so TORN and CONFLICTED
I did not confront him, a Swiftie, about how he should NOT watch Eurovision cause Israel's competing, and the ESC banned Palestinian flags from being shown (just as they did in 2019, quickly moving the cameras away from Iceland - btw Hatari my beloved!!). And I regret not confronting him about that, even tho it might've been rough
I was also very tempted to go up to him and tell him how I've been hyper fixated with Eurovision for the last five years and even wrote a full on 15 page essay on it for my previous history class
But I'm glad I didn't do that. As someone who's been obsessed with Eurovision, I will say for all the fans out there one more time:
DO NOT WATCH, SUPPORT, OR EVEN INTERACT WITH EUROVISION!!! ESPECIALLY FOR TONIGHT’S FINALE
The lives of Palestine and Gaza are far FAR more important than a European song competition and that should not be hard to comprehend.
On that note, here's also some ways to support the Palestinian people:
Donate to: CARE For Gaza
Donate to: GoFundMe for displaced families in Gaza
Click for free to provide funds for Gaza: Arab.org
#i'll also admit it's actually been kind of nice not getting excited about eurovision#like i'm currently stressed out with two jobs and school so it's really nice to not have the ESC on top of all that like i can focus more!#except alexander rybak my boy is HYPING eurovision up this year and i dont know why DX#eurovision#boycott eurovision#free palestine#free gaza#also the protests that have been going on against the ESC LETS GOOOO!!!!#A N D if there’s any other credible ways to support Palestine/Gaza PLEASE PLEASE let me know and I’ll add the new link!!
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Holy fuck y'all i should NOT be awake 😭
#p#i need to be up in six hours 😭😭#i had an awful exhausting evening#my hamster that i had before moving passed away#the car i bought not even two years ago is totaled and unfixable#i lost one of the gigs i thought i had secured for the school year#it is pms hell week for me and i keep swinging wildly between utter fully body rage and complete overwhelming despair and anxiety#i want to cry but ive done enough crying tonight thank you!!!!#please let tomorrow be kinder i desperately need it#please let the jobs ive emailed tonight email me back#and let the pay be good#i also have sooooo much to do before next tuesday oh my god#i need to prep for our session on saturday#finish lesson planning for the summer camp#finish character creation#grocery shop#quick clean of the house bcuz lord knows i wont be doing it while at the camp#i still havent received a v important piece of mail#figure out how to pay my taxes and insurance#prep for the meeting i have monday morning re new school year including some brain storming#reviewing the pacing calendar and handbook and looking at the google drive again#and im being social this entire weekend agh#plus look for jobs i guess??? bcuz money is needed#and theres family drama 🙃#ugh i should probably not be posting this on main#perhaps i will delete later ugh#life is just hard atm it will get better it always does#and i will not lose my rental nor will i be unable to pay my taxes and bills#it will be FINE#because i will make it fine
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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Sorry for being late today coming online, a lot has happened and I am trying to think about the best way to organize this blog going forward. For now though I will try to get the list updated quickly and read through my messages/@'s
#meg talks#mainly thinking about how best to spotlight people's fundraisers because so many are gaining and losing traction periodically#and some of my posts seem to get more reach than others#mostly what troubles me is i think that the more campaigns i boost the less effective it is for each campaign#i think that the small batches of donation matching campaigns that i organized with other people was the most effective thing so far#bc it guaranteed at least one donation to each campaign#i think i'm going to try to make other small batch posts too each day#like ''here are some campaigns that are close to their goal/low on funds/almost to the halfway mark or some other milestone/etc''#but idk. i just feel troubled and i think some people who have reached out to me think i have more reach than i actually do#i have less than 3k followers and a lot of them are inactive blogs from over the past ten years#ofc that still isn't nothing and im going to keep doing what im doing but im afraid people might be reaching out to me#thinking that i'll be able to give their campaigns more visibility than i actually can#im grateful that my master list has gotten some traction but the longer it gets the tougher it is to single ppl out#i don't know. if people have suggestions please let me know#for now i would really really appreciate volunteers to help w the donation matching campaigns#if i can have ppl committing to donating like 5 bucks to a handful of campaigns once or twice a month#then at least that's something that IS guaranteed u know... though i feel ashamed that i quit my job#and can't guarantee much myself until i find a new one#idk im just troubled and i'm not going to stop boosting campaigns but i hate the thought of getting ppl's hopes up and not delivering
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very few 'parenting' things frustrate me more than parents who give their screaming kids an ipad, but I think "emotionally neglectful for 20 years and then wondering why their kid isn't thriving/adjusting to adulthood well, so they try to make up for it by being an overbearing helicopter parent" might take the cake.
#at least be consistent in your parenting style#ughhh#'oh no i neglected my kid for 20 years/was unstable (and still am!) and now they aren't thriving. surely it is the vieo gamez and not me'#i s2g if i break up with my partner their mother will be one of the reasons#the sucky thing is generational trauma hopefully gets distilled through each subsequent generation but it is the parents' job#to choose whether they are 1) financially ready and 2) emotionally ready to make that change and give their kids a better life#my grandpa grew up digging through trash for things to eat and decided when he had kids he would not be mean like his dad#and that they would have food on the table#my partner has literally said his mom 'just wanted a kid' and basically baby-trapped his dad#and she was like... in her mid-30s by this point#insane. insane. insane.#i understand baby fever and all that but at least make sure you are in a stable relationship first??#and also my partner's WHOLE FAMILY is like this#just... generation after generation of awful upbringings and kids rebelling and having kids too young and getting in bad relationships and#dealing with undiagnosed mental health disorders#maybe we should just break up at this point idk#delete later#i think i am freaking out because i got news about a possible health scare about one of my own family members so i'm spiraling#thanks for letting me vent. again#if my crap is too annoying PLEASE unfollow me#i don't keep a diary because i'm too immature to do that and thrive on others' validation and i am too broke for therapy#delete later maybe#i might keep this one up just so i can look back on it in a few weeks and be like 'girl u need meds' like hells yeah i do#a good thing that happened today is i avoided my urge to drink the half bottle of wine in the fridge#irish genes be gone from me today muahahaha
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Also it feels so good to be taking classes again even though the subject is human development and at-home care instead of literature or religion. I'm nervous about the practical skills exams, especially for very personal tasks, but I'm just going to do my best and leave it at that.
#a sock speaks#work tag#I'm working for 2 clients this month. scheduling around my training#a lot of it is shopping and errands which is a lot of fun for me#but also it forces me to practice driving with a passenger and parking in tricky places. I make a lot of mistakes but it's been good for me#one major reason I considered this job is that I knew it would push me to learn life skills#I'm so so scared of violating HIPAA or getting into a car accident with a client in the car or accidentally getting a client sick or or or#but it's good to face my fears. this is through. this is the way out.#I've also had the thought that this training will help me be prepared as my parents age. they're in their mid sixties now#and will probably both need to retire soon. I want them to be able to relax and only work if they want to#I don't want to panic if/when they need care. I want to be capable of taking on responsibility when needed.#I feel so much more like a real adult in this job. I think some of my work anxiety is learned#like I start out anxious in a new job or school program bc I'm new. but then I stay anxious bc I've learned that anxious is how to feel#in that role#but so far I'm doing better at staying calm and treating myself more like an adult#and other people also seem to be treating me more like a real adult. please please please let this be transferable to other contexts.#local construction#my mental health has also been decent so far this month despite the intensely busy schedule#I'm really thankful for that. far less stressful caring for one person at a time than bouncing between 2-6 tables at a time
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Can someone wipe Titans from my memory so I can experience watching it for the first time again? I want the "you're the boy from the circus" scene to grab me by the throat and heart and steal my soul as I sign my life away with my blood again.
I'm craving this exact feeling right now
#I watched some new stuff lately but nothing is doing the job so far#I finished daredevil#I'm getting through Jessica Jones#I just started arcane because my friends love it#please please PLEASE LET ME FEEL SOMETHING
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sniffs. man. i really want this job :(
#misc#TLDR:#a recruiter calls me coupla weeks ago; says she wants me on their production - and in that same exact call ends up saying#“oh actually i'm not sure you fit. this might not happen” cuz she actually read my resume this time.... while on call with me?#how about you take a proper gander at my resume before calling me to offer me a job and then change your mind....#ended the call saying “contact me again on January 8th if you're still interested and i'll see if i can squeeze you in as a junior”#(which. okay. first off why would you have to “squeeze me in” when you actively called me for the job.#Also i'm not a junior. but sure we'll see what the pay is like)#so i contacted her on the 8th and she was like haha actually i doubt we'll have any spots left for you! smiling emoji#and just earlier rn she sent me a new DM asking if i have an updated portfolio since the one they have is from 3yrs ago#so she revived a little bit of hope i know i shouldnt have cuz i HIGHLY doubt they'll hire me for this prod given how things have been goin#its late now i doubt ill get any news one way or another before sometime next week (hopefully)#ugh...... i really want this job man.#i've had too many feature film opportunities slide from my grasp. please let me have this#having this one experience will make it easier to get hired for more. i'm fucking begging on my knees
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Multi factor authentication was a scam created by big phone tracking softwares intended to never allow you to be anywhere without your phone. Too many people were going outside or going to work without their phones, so they made it required to have your phone on you at all times, because they hate us
#I have to get a text message 4 times every day (minimum) to confirm that it is once again me trying to sign in to clock in or out for work#because obviously someone else is going to try to do that#and the people pretending to be me are going to be bested because they don’t have my phone#good job team#sarcasm obviously#and also phones die so fast due to the fact that I e had so many updates now intended to kill my battery enough for me to buy a new one#I’m not going to buy a new one#please just let my phone work how it was supposed to#and last longer than up until the next one comes out#cause not all of us can buy the newest phone all the time#in fact I don’t want to#but they are killing my phone trying to get me to do it#and I have to have my phone alive throughout the whole work day#so I can FUCKING SIGN OUT#because they said “we should force them to have their phones at all time to be able to sign out#but they also want me to buy a new one#and I don’t want to#so I just get to suffer under capitalism#as always
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it's kind of funny how i'll sit down to get some work done and immediate physical exhaustion wipes me the fuck out and renders me unable to do anything. and i'm supposed to start working full-time with this body soon
#personal#i've decided to just let my contract run out so that gives me until august to get my shit together#because like. why would i quit my job any time before that to then maybe spend several months unemployed. what's the point of that#plus in august is when everyone is starting to look for new people so i can start applying for jobs then and get something new#for september. so i don't have to be unemployed between jobs. this makes sense right. Right#like i'm going back to school for a little bit in november to get a certificate and all. why would i go looking for something else now#and why would i go looking for something else directly after. why would i do any of that#i'd like to get my end of the year bonus first please. and then i'd like some more financial stability for a few months please#i already planned my vacations for next year. if i can just make it to august with this job and then i can get something else after#like this doesn't sound ridiculous right. this sounds like a reasonable thing to do right#especially with the current state of the gaming industry just in general but also in my country#i want to see where it all goes first HWKSGJHFDKGFDG
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