#plus in august is when everyone is starting to look for new people so i can start applying for jobs then and get something new

[ruvviks]

it's kind of funny how i'll sit down to get some work done and immediate physical exhaustion wipes me the fuck out and renders me unable to do anything. and i'm supposed to start working full-time with this body soon

[chiyuuchu]

II. The plot twist of admiration <3 (2nd August 2024)

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Prompt! The class decides to make a bet with everyone writing down who they think y/n’s admirer is.

first part here!

Every story has two sides to it.

Bakugou Katsuki wasn't one to waste time on frivolous matters like romance. He had better things to do, like becoming the number one hero. But there was something about Y/N that made him act differently. Without really understanding why, he found himself wanting to make her smile, to see her happy. So, he started leaving gifts on her desk: flowers, sweets, her favorite drinks.

He watched from a distance, making sure no one noticed him. He didn't need the extra attention or the questions from his classmates. Plus, it was kind of fun seeing them guess who the secret admirer was.

“Maybe it’s Midoriya,” Mina said one day during lunch. Bakugou rolled his eyes. Of course, they'd think it was Deku. “He’s so attentive and always pays attention to what his friends like.”

Bakugou scoffed internally. Deku might be observant, but he wasn’t the one leaving the gifts. Besides, Bakugou knew exactly what Y/N liked because he paid attention, too. He wasn’t just some explosive hothead, no matter what people thought.

“I don’t know,” Tsuyu said thoughtfully. “It could be Kirishima. He seems like a romantic guy.”

Bakugou almost laughed out loud at that. Sure, Kirishima was his best friend, but he wasn’t the one sneaking around. And IcyHot? The guy was about as emotionally expressive as a block of ice. He was also certainly sure the bird brain was too kept to self to like someone.

As days went by, Bakugou continued to leave gifts. He saw Y/N's smile every time she found something new on her desk, and it made his heart swell in a way he didn’t quite understand. One evening, he went to the convenience store to get her favorite drink. When he returned to the dorms, he saw Y/N in the kitchen, looking frustrated.

“What’s got you all worked up?” he asked, trying to keep his tone casual.

“Someone must have taken my favorite drink. I was really looking forward to it.,” she sighed.

He scoffed, pulling the drink out of his plastic bag. “Here. I just bought a few. Don’t make such a fuss.” he said, tossing it to her. Before she could say anything. Bakugou just takes his leave with a huff. “Whatever. I’m outta here.”

When he reached his bedroom, he immediately covered his face. The heat which had rushed to his face earlier swallowed him whole. His heart was pounding.

The next day, he left another gift on her desk. This time, it was a box of her favorite pastries. He'd gone out of his way to get them from a bakery across town. Bakugou watched from a distance, smirking to himself as Y/N smiled.

During lunch, the girls were really pushing their theories about who it could be.

“It’s gotta be someone who’s been paying close attention,” Mina says, thinking maybe too hard. “Maybe it’s still Midoriya?”

“Or Kirishima,” Momo claimed. “What if the other day he said it wasn’t him was an act.”

“Or Todoroki,” Kirishima chuckled heartily. “He’s always so polite and thoughtful.”

“Or maybe Sero,” said Hagakure. “He could be into you, who knows.”

Bakugou couldn't help but roll his eyes again. It was almost laughable how off their guesses were. As Y/N's smile grew wider with each gift, he felt a strange sense of satisfaction. He wanted to be the one who made her happy, even if he had to do it from the shadows.

While Y/n slowly looks over and locks eyes with Bakugou, he couldn’t help but give her his genuine smile. A smile that was only for her.

Bakugou continued his secret gifting for another week, each time feeling a mix of pride and frustration. One evening, after another exhausting day of training, he was about to head back to his dorm room when he noticed Y/N sitting alone on the couch in the common area, looking contemplative. He hesitated for a moment, then decided to approach her.

"Hey," he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Y/N looked up, her face lighting up with a smile. "Hey, Bakugou."

He sat down next to her, unsure of what to say next. They sat in silence for a few moments before Y/N spoke again.

"You know," she began, her voice soft, "I've been getting these really sweet gifts lately. Flowers, sweets, drinks... It's been really nice."

Bakugou's heart pounded in his chest. He tried to keep his expression neutral. "Yeah? You figure out who it is yet?"

Y/N shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "Not yet. But I think I have an idea."

Bakugou felt a lump form in his throat. He wanted to tell her, to admit that it was him, but the words seemed to stick. Before he could muster up the courage, Y/N turned to him, her eyes bright with curiosity.

"What about you, Bakugou? Have you ever done something like this for someone?"

He snorted, trying to deflect. "What, leave gifts and play secret admirer? Not my style."

Y/N laughed softly. "I didn't think so. But you never know. People can surprise you."

She definitely knows. He gulped internally.

Bakugou swallowed hard, feeling a surge of determination. "Yeah, well... maybe I have a few surprises up my sleeve."

Y/N tilted her head, studying him with an amused expression. "Is that so?"

Her phone began ringing. “Oh, I gotta take this call. Thanks for the chat, Bakugou.” She smiled and walked away.

Before Bakugou could respond, a loud crash came from the kitchen area, followed by Kirishima's voice shouting about a spilled pot.

As she walked away, Bakugou watched her go, feeling a strange mix of relief and disappointment. He knew he needed to find the right moment, but it was hard to say when that would be. He stood up, ready to head to his room, when Kirishima came rushing over, a huge grin on his face.

"Dude, guess what!" Kirishima exclaimed. "Everyone's trying to figure out who Y/N's secret admirer is. You gotta see this."

Bakugou rolled his eyes but followed Kirishima back to the Kitchen area, where a group of their classmates were gathered, excitedly discussing their theories.

"I'm telling you, it's got to be Todoroki," Hagakure was saying. "He's always so calm and collected. It fits."

"No way," Kaminari argued. "It's definitely Tokoyami. He's mysterious enough to pull this off."

“What the hell is everyone making a fuss about?” Bakugou grumbled.

“Oh! Hey man, we were just placing bets on who Y/n’s secret admirer could be.” Kaminari casually said. “My bets on Tokoyami.” He proudly claimed. And why exactly was he proud of his assumption?

“Well I think it’s Midoriya!” Mina folded her arms with an angry closed eyed pout.

Momo also chimed in. “I still think that it’s Kirishima and that he’s secretly deceiving us that it isn’t him.” Kirishima who was beside her folded his arms. “Hey! It isn’t me, you’ll lose your money for betting on it!” He, once again defended himself.

“What if it was a girl and we were deceived the entire time.” Jirou randomly put a a finger to her chin, looking up in thought. “Hmm.” She hummed in thought. Right after that, everyone did the same with putting their finger on their chins and humming in thought.

“I know! We should settle this bet by asking everyone to write down on this paper who they think it is. Winner takes all.” Kaminari smugly said, pulling a piece of paper out.

“Oh, you’re on pikachu!” Mina retorted.

Bakugou mentally wanted to facepalm. But then he thought about it. If he were to guess himself then wouldn’t he technically be the winner of the bet?

“Whatever, you losers do what you fucking want.” Bakugou said and walked back to his room. “Hey! Where you going? You need to bet too!” Kaminari exclaimed. “Yeah yeah, just give it to me tomorrow. I need to catch some fucking sleep.” Was the last thing Bakugou said before heading back to his room.

The next morning, the classroom was full with chatter during a break between lessons. Kaminari, ever the instigator, was bouncing around with a piece of paper and a pen.

"Alright, guys, everyone write down who you think Y/N's secret admirer is! Everyone is betting! Winner takes all!" he announced, waving the paper in the air.

Y/n just gave a confused expression before going back to her book.

One by one, the students scribbled down their guesses and passed the paper around. When it finally reached Bakugou, he glanced at the eager faces around him and scowled.

"I'll do it later," he muttered, snatching the paper and shoving it into his bag.

"Aw, come on, Bakugou!" Kaminari protested. "Just write it down real quick!"

Bakugou ignored him, standing up and heading out of the classroom as the bell rang, signaling the end of their break. Kaminari pouted but didn't push further, knowing better than to press Bakugou when he was in a mood.

Later that evening, Bakugou sat in his dorm room, the crumpled piece of paper lying on his desk. He sighed, unfolding it and smoothing it out to see the various guesses scrawled in different handwriting.

He couldn't help but scoff at some of the guesses.

Uraraka: "I bet it's Sero. He’s always pulling pranks but he's got a sweet side."

Todoroki: "Maybe it's Kirishima. He’s very straightforward."

Kirishima: "Nah, it's gotta be Midoriya. He's so considerate."

Midoriya: "My best guess would be Kirishima… He definitely seems like that type of guy."

Yaoyorozu: "I still think it's Kirishima."

Ashido: "I know it’s Midoriya."

Tsu: "I change my mind, I’m placing my bet on Kaminari."

Jirou: "I guess it might be Kaminari. He’s got a fun personality and is always trying to cheer everyone up."

Aoyama: "It could be Iida. Je sais cela!"

Sero: "Maybe it's Shoji. He's very attentive and protective."

Tokoyami: "I assume it might be Todoroki. He's very observant and quiet."

Hagakure: "My bet is still on Todoroki!"

Iida: "I believe it's Kaminari. He’s always energetic and caring."

Shoji: "It might be Iida."

Ojiro: "I think it could be Aoyama. He’s always trying to make everyone feel special."

Koda: "I think it’s Midoriya..."

Mineta: "It's definitely someone unexpected, maybe Jirou. She's got that vibe. And who knows? Girls on girls!"

Sato: "What if it's Mina? She's really unpredictable."

Kaminari: "I still think it's Tokoyami! Imagine that!"

Aizawa: "Bakugou Katsuki."

Even the teacher???

Bakugou paused at Aizawa’s guess, feeling a strange mix of annoyance and satisfaction.

"Idiots," he muttered to himself. "They have no idea."

Aggressively scribbling on the piece of paper, he carelessly folds it.

But as he lay in bed that night, his thoughts drifted to Y/N. He imagined the smile on her face when she received his gifts and how her eyes sparkled when she spoke about them. It gave him a strange sense of accomplishment that none of his training victories ever did.

The next day in class, Kaminari eagerly retrieved the paper from Bakugou and prepared to read the guesses. However, just as he was about to open it, everyone began to question how they would find out who the admirer really was.

"How are we actually gonna figure out who it is?" Midoriya asked, looking around the room.

Suddenly, Mina stood up and yelled, "Whoever the admirer is, you have to come clean now because we've all placed bets already, and I'm sure Y/N is interested."

Silence. Everyone was looking at each other, trying to see if the admirer would step up.

Bakugou gulped, feeling a surge of panic.

Then Hagakure made a suggestion. "Why don't we make it more fun? Y/N should write down on another piece of paper who she wants her admirer to be."

For some reason, Y/N agreed willingly. She took a piece of paper and began to write a name. Bakugou watched her, rethinking his life decisions. If he admitted his feelings now and wasn't the one she wanted, he would never live it down.

Y/N finished writing, folded the paper, and kept it to herself.

“Wait I have an idea!” Tsu said and whispered something into Mina’s ear.

"Alright then," Mina said with determination. "Everyone who is NOT the admirer, sit down."

Slowly, one by one, the students sat down until only Bakugou remained standing with his eyes shut tight.

The room filled with gasps and murmurs of confusion.

"Bakugou?!" Kaminari exclaimed, wide-eyed.

“KACCHAN??” Izuku exclaimed.

"No way," Kirishima muttered, shaking his head. "Bakugou, seriously?"

"I lost my bet!" Sero groaned, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Wait, Bakugou's the secret admirer?" Uraraka asked, her eyes darting between him and Y/N.

Jirou smirked. "Well, this just got interesting."

“I certainly did not expect this..” Momo’s voice sounded.

Some students complained about losing their bets, while others were simply shocked. Bakugou's heart pounded in his chest. After a moment of silence, he heard the sound of a paper unfolding.

More gasps filled the room.

"You can open your eyes, Bakugou," Y/N said softly.

Bakugou's heart sank. What if his name wasn't on the paper?

He opened his eyes and saw Y/N holding the paper.

Bakugou Katsuki

His heart soared when he saw his name written on it. A wave of relief and happiness washed over him as the class erupted in a mix of congratulations and disbelief. He had never been this terrified in his life, but it was all worth it.

“Very unexpected, I must say.” Iida said.

"Well, who would've thought?" Mina laughed, nudging Kirishima.

"Guess we all underestimated Bakugou," Tokoyami said with a rare smile.

"Congrats, man," Kirishima said, patting Bakugou on the back. "Took some real guts."

Bakugou, his face slightly flushed, just nodded, trying to maintain his usual tough demeanor. But inside, he was over the moon.

“Wait! It’s not over! Who won the bet?” Sero yelled, immediately grabbing everyone’s attention.

Kaminari hurriedly opens the paper.

Uraraka: "I bet it's Sero. He’s always pulling pranks but he's got a sweet side."

Todoroki: "Maybe it's Kirishima. He’s very straightforward."

Kirishima: "Nah, it's gotta be Midoriya. He's so considerate."

Midoriya: "My best guess would be Kirishima… He definitely seems like that type of guy."

Yaoyorozu: "I still think it's Kirishima."

Ashido: "I know it’s Midoriya."

Tsu: "I change my mind, I’m placing my bet on Kaminari."

Jirou: "I guess it might be Kaminari. He’s got a fun personality and is always trying to cheer everyone up."

Aoyama: "It could be Iida. Je sais cela!"

Sero: "Maybe it's Shoji. He's very attentive and protective."

Tokoyami: "I assume it might be Todoroki. He's very observant and quiet."

Hagakure: "My bet is still on Todoroki!"

Iida: "I believe it's Kaminari. He’s always energetic and caring."

Shoji: "It might be Iida."

Ojiro: "I think it could be Aoyama. He’s always trying to make everyone feel special."

Koda: "I think it’s Midoriya..."

Mineta: "It's definitely someone unexpected, maybe Jirou. She's got that vibe. And who knows? Girls on girls!"

Sato: "What if it's Mina? She's really unpredictable."

Kaminari: "I still think it's Tokoyami! Imagine that!"

Aizawa: "Bakugou Katsuki.”

Bakugou: "Bakugou Katsuki."

“Bakugou won? Isn’t that technically cheating..” Momo said with a concerned look.

“Technically that means I won. Now pay up.” Aizawa said from his sleeping bag.

“Ughhhhhhhhh.”

After the class settled down from the surprising outcome, Bakugou found a moment to approach Y/N. He was still trying to process the whirlwind of emotions from the earlier scene.

"Hey," he started, his voice gruff but softer than usual. "Can we talk?"

Y/N looked up and smiled. "Sure, Bakugou. What's up?"

He led her outside of the classroom, away from the curious gazes of their classmates. The tension between them was palpable, but Bakugou tried to ignore the nervous flutter in his chest.

"So, you actually picked me," he said, struggling to keep his usual confident tone. "Why?"

Y/N’s eyes softened as she looked at him. "Well, I've always noticed you’re not as rough as you seem. There’s a lot more to you that people don't see. I appreciate that you always seemed to care, even if you don’t show it."

Bakugou’s face flushed slightly, and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, well, I didn’t think you’d ever actually like me. Not with how everyone talks about me."

Y/N shook her head, a playful smile on her lips. "You’re more than what people say, Bakugou. And I’m glad I got to know that."

Bakugou hesitated for a moment before stepping a bit closer. "So, what now? Now that everyone knows?"

Y/N's smile grew, and she looked up at him with a twinkle in her eye. "I think we should see where this goes. I’m happy with how things are turning out."

Bakugou’s usual scowl softened into a genuine smile, and he took a deep breath. "Yeah, me too."

They stood there for a moment, the noise of the classroom fading into the background as they enjoyed the rare, peaceful connection between them. It was the start of something new, and for once, Bakugou felt that he might just be ready to embrace it.

[goldfades]

𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡. | delicate au, jack hughes

౨ৎ ─ summary | this takes place in late august of 2023, a little before the njd season started. jack hughes dm's the girl the whole internet thinks he's dating and invites her to a pre-season get-together at his house.

─ word count | 1.9k

─ warnings | anxiety, some flirting? nothing else!

─ taglist | @dancerbailey3 @valluvsu @daisysnhl @dasiysthings @iminlovewithtz11 @literatureluster @lvrzegras @lxvleyzoe @bowen-power @ru-kru @jackhughesily @hearts-for-luke

─ ev's notes | please lmk ur thoughts on this au so far! i, of course, always read ur guys feedback so anything would be very much appreciated.

Accept message request from jhughes (jackhughes)?

jhughes: have you seen twitter? we're trending 🤣 jhughes: looks like i'm your bf now 🤷🏻🤷🏻

libbytf: yeah um i don't even know how that happened😭 libbytf: they're crazy, that's not either of us?

jhughes: it does really look like us though haha 🤣 i don't blame them

libbytf: the more i look the photos the more i disagree lol, i hope they figure it out on their own 😭

jhughes: haha yeah [seen]

jhughes: me and luke are having a pre season party, you should come if ur free jhughes: oh and if leon wants you to hahaha😭

libbytf: when is it? i'll see if i can come and if i'm in town

jhughes: next saturday at our new place

libbytf: i'll let you know!

jhughes: k lmk ( 👍🏻 )

Libby stared down at her screen, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Did she just get asked out?

She received the message later that day and she was surprised that Jack Hughes had messaged her. She wasn't starstruck or anything but he didn't seem like the "dm" type, he looked more like the type to approach you in public.

She shook her head, she didn't even know if he was hitting on her. He probably wasn't even trying to come off that way, he probably just needed more people at his party. And the truth was, after the whole "Josh" thing, she didn't really have anything to do because everyone in the world was seemingly against her. The messy breakup with Josh had left her feeling exposed, as if every aspect of her personal life was now fair game for public scrutiny.

She had been under the spotlight for years now, long before she had even considered the idea of being a singer. Her sister and father were already apart of the "Hollywood" circle, she has seen this kind of stuff before. She's never been apart of the gossip, though - this was the first time she'd been in the spotlight for a bad reason.

Growing up in the shadow of her sister's and father's fame had accustomed her to the entertainment industry and all the drama that came with it. But now, as the fallout from her breakup with Josh engulfed her, Libby found herself thrust into uncharted territory. The barrage of rumors and gossip had stripped away the layers of privacy she had worked so hard to preserve, leaving her feeling vulnerable.

Libby couldn't even turn to her music anymore, she felt like it was no use because the whole internet (and their moms) hated her for no reason other than her relationship, or lack thereof.

She was pulled out of her thoughts as she felt her phone buzz on her bed. She reached for it lazily and opened it, reading the message.

leon 😛 are you down for something this weekend?

Libby typed out a quick response.

libs 🥸 depends

leon 😛 me and some of the team are gonna have a party this weekend to celebrate the start of the season, they told me to bring someone and ur all i have

leon 😛 unless u say no i'll ask someone else

libs 🥸 jack already asked me so sure :)

leon 😛 wait so ur his plus one?

libs 🥸 no bc he's the literal host, he just invited me😭😭

leon 😛 thats weird but okay, can u still be my plus one

libs 🥸 idk if that'll change anything but sure!!

She sighed at her brother's slight stupidity. It sounds like she was going to be going to the party this weekend. As she agreed, Libby couldn't help but feel a twinge of anxiety about attending Jack's party. The thought of facing a bunch of strangers, each with their own preconceived notions about who she was, made her stomach churn.

Before she could turn off her phone, her phone buzzed and she looked at the notification.

jhughes (jackhughes) started following you!

──

"Have you been on Twitter?" Leon spoke up as he drove, his eyes glancing toward Libby before focusing back on the road.

She shrugged, "Yeah. Why?"

"Everyone thinks you're dating Jack, it's kinda funny. Isn't this like, your first time meeting him?" Leon replied with a small laugh, shaking his head.

"It's pretty dumb, isn't it?" Libby replied, her voice tinged with amusement. "Well this is like my second or third time meeting him so it's not like we're strangers but still, we're far from strangers."

"Are you sure about that? He messaged you." Leon joked as he smirked at you as you rolled your eyes. She knew he was joking but a part of her thought that maybe he was flirting with her. But Libby could not even mention that to Leon because it'll make him go crazy, staying quiet was the better option.

"Shut up," Libby mumbled as Leon laughed. "The pictures aren't even us, you know?"

"The guy looks a lot like Jack but not you. It's so funny especially because everyone swears that they know you so well but they can't even tell the difference you and some other person." Leon grinned, clearly enjoying the absurdity of the situation. "Well, I guess the internet just loves drama. Can't blame them for trying to spice things up, it is fun."

"I just hope people figure it out soon," Libby sighed, glancing out of the car window at the passing city lights. "I mean, it's not like I need more rumors right now."

Leon shrugged. "Yeah, I get it. But you know what they say, any publicity is good publicity."

"Yeah at least I'll know my new album will get tons of new streams, thanks to Josh's fangirls."

"You mean dickriders? Jesus, have you seen the comments?" Leon scoffed, making a turn to Jack and Luke's home.

Libby sighed, her shoulders slumping as she leaned back against the car seat. "Yeah, I've seen them. It's like they're just waiting for the opportunity to tear me apart completely, I can't even go on Instagram anymore."

Leon's expression softened with empathy as he reached out to place a comforting hand on Libby's arm. "They're just fucking bored, that's all. They have to tear someone down to feel better. Don't let them get to you."

Libby nodded, grateful for her brother's words of encouragement. "I know, it's just hard sometimes, you know? Feels like I'm constantly under a microscope."

Leon nodded in understanding, his gaze unwavering in its support. "Yeah, I get it. But remember, those comments don't define you. You're so much more than what people say about you."

Libby managed a small smile as they reached Jack's home. The night air was crisp as Libby and Leon made their way towards Jack's home. The distant noise from the party spilled into the quiet neighborhood as they walked towards the entrance.

The home was pretty big but you weren't surprised, they were really good and popular hockey players so of course they had a big home. However, as you walked into their porch, you noticed how clean it was. Not many boys in their twenties kept their homes so clean and organized but Libby was pleasantly surprised at how clean their home was and she hadn't even been inside yet.

Leon gave the door a few knocks before the door opened to reveal Jack, a big grin on his face and a backwards cap on his head. "Leon! You made it!"

"Yeah, and I brought Libs!" Leon grinned back at Jack as his gaze finally fell on Libby, she felt his eyes scan her body before they landed on her eyes once again.

Libby felt a slight flush rise to her cheeks as she met Jack's gaze. His warm smile putting her at ease as she returned it, trying to ignore the flutter of nerves in her stomach.

"Awesome! Come on in, guys." Jack ushered them inside, the sounds of the party becoming more pronounced as they stepped inside.

"There's some chips in the kitchen and you guys can just help yourself to the drinks inside the fridge, just don't drink any of our protein smoothies." Jack side glanced to Leon playfully, in which he responded with a quick fine. "Everyone's in the living room playing pool."

"I'm gonna go get a beer, if y'all don't mind." Leon called out as he headed towards the kitchen, leaving Libby and Jack by the entrance.

As Leon left, Libby shifted her gaze to Jack with a warm smile. There was a brief awkward silence before Jack broke it, "I didn't know that you lived in Jersey."

"Well I don't but ever since Leon's moved here I've been spending every second at his place. I actually live in New York City but it gets a little hectic, I need a break sometimes from... everything." Libby explained as she recalled all the drama from the summer, from everything with Olivia to Josh, it was eventful.

Jack nodded, his expression sympathetic as he listened to Libby's explanation. "I get it. New York can be intense, especially with everything going on."

Libby sighed, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders as she spoke about the challenges she faced. "Yeah, it's been a lot to deal with lately. Sometimes, it's nice to escape to somewhere quieter, you know?"

Jack's gaze softened with understanding. "I get it. I'm sorry by the way, with the whole uh... thing." Jack didn't really want to specify but they both knew as Libby nodded.

Libby gave him a sweet smile but before she could respond, Luke came in wearing a Devils jersey. "Dude I've been looking everywhere for you, there's something wrong with the-" He cut himself as he noticed Libby.

"Hey Luke." Libby greeted the tall curly-head with a grin as he walked over to where Libby was and gave her a side hug as Jack observed.

"Libby! I haven't seen you in a while, how's everything?" Luke asked casually as he pulled back.

"Can't complain." You spoke with a small grin as you looked in between the boys. "You?"

"Very excited for the new season, I don't know if you could tell." Luke chuckled as he looked down at the jersey.

Libby couldn't help but chuckle at Luke's enthusiasm. Even though she's never formally met Jack, her and Luke have a pretty good friendship through Leon. As soon as they met they clicked and now they're practically tied at the hip. "Hmm... I couldn't tell. Go Rangers, right?"

"Hey, hey, hey!"

"Whoa, don't you dare step foot in our homes and disrespect us like that. That is a like a slur around here." Jack shook his head playfully as him and Luke exchanged looks before all three of you busted out laughing.

"Sorry, sorry won't happen again!"

"It better not or we're gonna have to kick you out." Luke threatened with a mock-serious expression. "But seriously Jack, the TV isn't working and everyone wants to play Fifa for some reason."

Jack shrugged as he motioned to Libby towards the living room, "I don't even know if we own Fifa..."

They all entered the spacious living room where everyone was. There were some teammates who she recognized and some people she'd never seen before. Jack and Luke ventured off toward the TV, leaving Libby to go stand by the couch. She'd enjoyed the night so far but as she stood there, anxiety began to creep into her stomach.

Everyone here knew somebody and right now the only people she was close with was her brother, Luke and Jack and they were all playing Fifa right now.

"Libs, get a controller we need one more player!" Jack shouted from the coach and waved at her to come over. Libby hesitated for a moment, feeling a familiar pang of anxiety at the thought of joining a group of people she didn't know well. But as she stared back at Jack, she swallowed all her fears and walked over, taking a controller.

As she settled in next to them, Libby felt a sense of normalcy wash over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could just be herself, without the weight of everyone's expectations or the glare of being perceived.

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[onpointedfeetandbrokendreams]

Day 5 - Painland Week

Day 5 of Painland Week 2024: August 5th - August 11th by @painlandweek

I wanted to post the final day in time because it was the first fic I wrote for this event, but I do have 5 and 6 as well so I guess I'll still share them even if a bit late!

Prompt: Case Fic

Tags:  Post-canon, Established Relationship

TW: None

--

For all intents and purposes, Crystal was part of London’s supernatural community. Even before meeting Edwin and Charles she had some ghosts as friends, and obviously there was the whole dating a demon business. But she was surprised to find out that there were several gathering spots that other psychics and beings in general used to exchange information, trade, or generally hang out together.

What didn’t surprise her at all was that Charles loved going there, while Edwin looked like he would rather spend the evening stabbing his own arm with an iron knife.

“I just don’t see the point, if someone has a case for us to solve, they would know where to find us, otherwise we have no reason to talk to them.”

“We don’t have to think about work all the time, do we?” replied Charles, not without a fond smile on his face. Few things had changed between the two of them since they got officially together, at least in public - she didn’t want to think about what they did after she left in the evening, and luckily they never talked about it - except that they were both more relaxed, and sometimes they got lost in each other’s eyes.

She cleared her throat. “So we are going?”

Edwin grimaced, like he had just bitten something incredibly sour. “Fine.”

They had a new client, a young witch called Noora, who said random objects had started to disappear from her shop. She believed someone or something was trying to get her to close because they didn’t trust her, even if she had stopped practising magic for that exact reason, afraid that the power would eventually corrupt her like it happened to many witches. She had seemed honest enough, someone who just wanted to do some good selling herbs and artefacts, plus she had offered an open tab to collect ingredients as payment, which was too good an opportunity to pass on. So after doing some background checks on her - which had become mandatory after the ‘Case of the Asshole Jocks’ (as Crystal called it) in Port Townsend - they decided to accept.

They arrived at what looked like an ordinary pub, with some arcade games in one corner, darts and pools in another, and a counter, with separated menus for humans, vampires, and even ghosts.

“There is food that ghosts can eat?” Crystal asked, looking around curiously.

“It is mostly potions with mild effects,” Edwin explained, “they simulate the intoxication of alcohol, or other nonsense.”

Behind his back, Charles winked at her.

When the surprise faded, she started noticing something else, the barman had greeted them politely, but everyone else seemed to keep their distance from them, it was almost like they were scared of something. She tried to ignore the odd feeling for a while, but it was clear that it was not just an impression.

“Why are people afraid of us? Did something happen?” She asked, looking between the other two to study their faces.

“It’s a very funny story,” replied Charles, laughing, while Edwin grimaced.

“Please, Charles, there is no need to talk about this. I assure you it is nothing, Crystal, let us remain focused on the case.”

She was not deterred in the slightest by his patronising tone, she kept her gaze fixed on Charles until he relented.

“They are scared of Edwin,” Charles said in a lower voice.

“What? Why?”

For how much she and Edwin bickered, she knew he would never hurt anyone.

“It is not extremely common for a soul to escape Hell,” Edwin explained matter-of-factly, “and, as you well know, I have never exactly hidden the fact. There are many who think I somehow made a deal with Lucifer herself.”

“And it’s not only that,” continued Charles, “most of the incantations and rituals he uses shouldn’t be possible for a ghost because they require too much spiritual energy, so they don’t know exactly what he is capable of.” 

He said it proudly, and of course Crystal was impressed as well, but it was also a bit sad. From what she had gathered of Edwin’s life, he had been a bit isolated from his peers back then, and it seemed he still was, even if for different reasons. It was no wonder he didn’t like to come to these places.

“Maybe you should talk to some of them, if they get to know the real you, they will know you are actually a real softie.”

If looks could kill, Crystal’s head would surely have exploded in that moment. “I am NOT a softie.”

Charles was laughing so hard tears collected at the corner of his eyes. “You kind of are, love.”

She decided to go talk to some other people after that, wanting to give them some space. She had some basic self-preservation instinct after all.

Some people knew about Noora’s shop, but none of them seemed to have heard of the random disappearances, so it was a bit of a bust. She returned to the table Charles had claimed for them to figure out their next step, and she was still recounting what she had gathered, when someone approached them. Crystal wasn’t sure what kind of creature they were, but there was something about them that made her skin crawl.

“I’ve heard you talking about the witch,” they said, pronouncing the last word like it was a slur.

“Yes, we are trying to solve a mystery that occurred in her shop,” explained Edwin.

“You shouldn’t mess with her, she is a liar. I bet she gave you the ‘I’m just a good witch who stopped practising’ speech.”

Crystal noticed that every other being in the pub had stopped what they were doing to listen to the exchange. 

She had a sudden idea:

“Do you know who he is,” she said, pointing at Edwin and ignoring Charles’ panicked look of warning, “what he could do to you if you are involved in an act of discrimination against a poor girl who just wants to run a shop?”

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Do you really think someone like him could escape Hell?” The way they snarled, almost made it seem like-

“You are a demon,” Edwin said, before she could reach that same conclusion.

The demon’s eyes glinted. “And what if I am, pretty boy?”

“Oi, leave him alone,” interjected Charles, moving in front of Edwin with his cricket bat ready.

“That witch is mine, you hear me, stay out of my way. I have great plans for her and her shop.”

Edwin started muttering something in Latin, probably a banishment spell, but he was startled by another patron binding him with a golden rope.

“Stop!” Crystal yelled at the ghost who cast the spell. “Don’t you see what this demon is doing? We are just trying to help!”

The distraction was enough to allow the demon to transform their hands in long claws and lock them around Charles’ throat.

“Charles!” Crystal and Edwin shouted at the same time, before Edwin turned to the ghost who was still binding him.

“I swear I mean no harm to any of you, but I can’t lose him, please let me go, allow me to save him.”

The tone of his voice tore Crystal’s heart in two. She knew they could handle the demon, but there were too many people there and if they started going against them, things might become dangerous. Other customers were approaching, looking between Edwin and the demon to decide which side to take.

“Edwin, I’m sorry,” she said. Then her eyes turned white and she sent a flow of images through everyone else’s minds, memories of Edwin saving her from a misery wraith, preventing her from drinking poison, she was careful to only choose moments that were not too personal, that he might feel uncomfortable sharing. “I know you’ve heard rumours, but I tell you we are just here to help!”

Charles didn’t technically need to breathe, but the claws scraping at his throat were making the skin black, grey smoke pouring from the cuts. He was desperately trying to swing his bat at them and hitting only empty space, the arms moving in every direction, disappearing and forming again without ever releasing their hold.

The moment the ghost retracted the binding spell, Edwin raised his hands and started the banishment incantation again. His eyes looked like they were on fire.

Other people recognized the type of spell he was casting and tried to help by confining the demon, until a red portal finally appeared to swallow them.

Edwin collapsed on a table from the exertion.

“Edwin!” Charles yelled in a raspy voice, moving to his side in an instant. “Love, are you okay? You shouldn’t have done that, I would have found a weakness in those stupid liquid arms and freed myself on my own.”

Edwin managed a smile. “No version of this where I didn’t protect you.”

“I hate you when you use that against me.”

“Sure you do,” Edwin replied, turning around to hug him, the relief evident in both their faces. 

While the two continued whispering reassurances and promising - again, as if it were needed - eternal devotion to one another, Crystal tried to explain what happened and apologised for using her psychic powers to the others still gathered around them.

“I am sorry for trying to stop you friend, I hope it didn’t cause too much damage,” the ghost said.

Finally, Edwin moved back, only a little flustered by the public display of affection. “What is important is that you freed me in time.”

“Still, I am sorry. I should know better than to listen to gossip like this.”

“Well, I guess the case is closed. We should still check the shop in case there is some of the demon’s magic left.” He said, more to himself than the others, but he did nod at Crystal and he looked more grateful than murderous, so she allowed a sigh of relief. She didn’t think she would get away from the scolding so easily this time.

[stephstars08]

Memories ~ Chapter One

GF!Ethan Landry x Reader

Warnings: Family Issues, Anxiety, Reader has Social Anxiety, Adult Language, Ethan and Reader becoming obsessed with each other, Angst but mostly Fluff, Mention of Affair, Mention of unprotected sex, Abandonment, Make out session, Implied Smut, Mention of nudity, and Lying.

Word Count: 3,281

Author’s Note: Here we are the first chapter of this mini series. I’m calling it a mini series since it’s only going to have just three chapters. Second chapter will be posted next Friday and then the last chapter will be posted two weeks from today. I got many more ideas for writing! Since some people want me to write more with Ethan I will probably have one shots take place where there is no Ghostface so in some one shots Ethan won’t be Ghostface. I hope you all enjoy the first chapter and I will talk to all soon!

Y/N is a freshman at Blackmore University. Y/N was born and raised in New York. Growing up she was always the shy and quiet type of person mostly because she grew up in a big family. She’s the youngest out of five children so she was always pushed around and was always walked all over. Y/N always felt like an outcast in not just school but in her own family so right after she graduated high school she left and never looked back.

She was able to rent an apartment that wasn’t far from Blackmore University, but she knew that she needed a roommate since she wasn’t going to be able to pay the rent every month by herself. It only took her a month to find a roommate who turned out to be a very nice and outgoing girl named Anika who is also a student at the same university. Since Anika is outgoing, she is the complete opposite of Y/N, but they did connect very well and are getting along very nicely. Anika has actually gotten Y/N to slowly come out of her shell.

When the fall semester started in late August Anika started dating a girl named Mindy and immediately connected with her friends. Anika had plans with Mindy and their friends to go play mini golf and she convinced Y/N to come since she only get’s out of the apartment to just go to class or to go work at her job at Starbucks right down the street from the apartment. It took a whole lot of convincing but when Y/N didn’t have an excuse on why she couldn’t come, she knew she had to go so she agreed to go plus like Anika keeps telling her, she needs to come out of her shell and just have some fun.

Y/N and Anika were sitting in the back of an uber on their way to the mini golf place. Y/N was very nervous since this would be her first-time meeting Anika’s friends. She’s met Mindy multiple times since she’s been at the apartment a lot and she get’s along with Mindy perfectly so why would she not get along with everyone else? Anika could sense Y/N’s anxiety, so she took one of her hands and gave it a light squeeze. “Don’t worry Y/N, they are going to love you.” Anika told her with a reassuring smile. “Okay.” Y/N said with a nod which did put some of her nerves at ease.

When the car arrived at the place Anika paid the driver since she already told Y/N that she would pay. The girls got out of the car together after thanking the driver. Y/N saw Mindy standing in the parking lot with three other people but the tall boy with curly brown hair got her attention right away. She was completely memorized by this boy. She hasn’t even said a word to him yet and she already knows that she’s completely falling head over heels for him.

“C’mon!” Anika said, breaking her out of her daydream. She grabbed her by the hand again and dragged her over to the small group. “Hey beautiful!” Mindy said to Anika with a flirty smirk. Anika let go of Y/N’s hand to give Mindy a quick peck on the lips. “Hey Y/N, so glad you decided to come.” Mindy said to her with a kind smile. “Thanks for inviting me.” Y/N said returning the smile.

She felt a strong gaze on her so when she looked in the direction of the stare, she noticed it was the boy she was staring at when she got out of the car. When her eyes met his chocolate-colored eyes, she could tell he went into panic because he quickly looked away. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up which she was hoping no one was noticing.

“Y/N.” Mindy said getting her attention back. “This is Chad my twin brother and our friends Tara and Ethan.” Mindy said introducing everyone to her as draped one of her arms around Anika’s shoulders. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you!” Tara said to her with a smile. “You, too.” Y/N said with a small smile. “Ethan is my roommate who is also single by the way.” Chad said with a wink which made Y/N’s nerves start back up. Did Chad notice her staring at Ethan before she walked over here? “Chad, seriously!” Ethan hissed as his cheeks were bright red in embarrassment. “What? Dude, I gotta get you out there.” Chad told him which made Ethan roll his eyes.

“Ugh, can we just go play golf!” Mindy said with a groan obviously annoyed with her stupid ass brother. Mindy was already walking towards the small little shack with Anika, so everyone quickly followed so they didn’t get left behind. Chad was nice enough to pay for everyone. Y/N was playing a game with the girls while Chad and Ethan stayed behind them and was just hitting their golf balls into the holes not keeping score since they couldn’t care less. Going mini golfing was the girl’s idea not theirs. Anika was keeping score for the girls.

As the game went on Y/N could feel Ethan’s eyes on her when it wasn’t his turn but when she would look at him, he would quickly look away. He must be as shy as she is. Y/N knew she was falling for the shy boy but thanks to her social anxiety, she didn’t have the courage to say anything to him so when Anika and her were on their way back to the apartment she didn’t get the chance to even say one word to him.

********************

It was the next day and Ethan was with Chad. They were heading to Starbucks to get some coffee before heading to the apartment Tara lives in with her older sister Sam and another person in the group named Quinn who was preoccupied to come mini golfing last night. Speaking of last night, Ethan can’t keep Y/N out of his head since then. He couldn’t help but keep his eyes on her. He has this urge to protect her at all costs which is scary to him since he had just met her and hasn’t even said a word to her. When she would look at him, he would look away to try and hide the fact that he was staring at her, but he knew she probably knew.

When the boys walked into Starbucks there wasn’t that long of a line, so they were able to order their drinks after about a twenty minuet wait. As they waited for their drinks Ethan spotted a familiar face coming from the back and behind the counter. It was Y/N who he figured just started her shift since she was putting on her green apron.

“Dude, what are you staring at?” Chad asked him but before Ethan could answer the question, he noticed Y/N which made him smirk. “Oh, you’re staring at your girlfriend.” Chad said to him. “She’s not my girlfriend!” Ethan told him in a stern tone. “Not yet!” Chad told him as he wiggled his eyebrows. “What?” Ethan asked with confusion in his tone. “Because you are going to go over there and ask her out.” Chad told him but Ethan shook his head. “Dude, you need to stop being so shy and just fucking go for it!” Chad told him and gave him a light shove in Y/N’s direction. He knew Chad wasn’t going to let him leave the building till he talks to her, so he took a deep breath and walked over to Y/N who just got done waiting on the last person in line at the register.

“Hey.” Ethan said, getting her attention. When Y/N’s eyes met his’, her heartrate sped up quickly. “Hi Ethan, right?” Y/N said in a curious tone suddenly getting this boost of confidence that she has never gotten before. “Yeah, Anika’s friend.” Ethan said with a nod. He doesn’t really consider himself Anika’s friend. He doesn’t consider himself anyone of them a friend in the group since they just pick on him. The girls just say he’s Chad’s roommate, so it took him by surprise when Mindy told Y/N that he is her friend. The person that is the nicest to him would have to be Chad. Yes, Chad can get on his nerves but that’s just part of Chad’s personality. He loves to get on everyone’s nerves so when he picks on Ethan he’s just joking around.

“Can I get you anything?” Y/N asked him in a curious tone. “Oh no, I already ordered.” Ethan told her. “I uh actually came over here to ask you a question.” He said starting to sound nervous. “Oh, what is it?” Y/N asked in a curious tone. She was so surprised that she wasn’t acting like a nervous mess that he was since he was pretty obvious. “Are you free tomorrow night? If so, would you like to go out to dinner with me?” Ethan asked as he tried to very best to keep his nerves at ease. “Like as a date?” Y/N asked. Right after she said it, she cursed herself out in her head knowing that was a stupid question, but she had to know if the guy she had just met not even twenty-four hours ago was asking her out on a date.

Ethan answered her question with a nod, not trusting his words. “Yes, I will go out with you.” Y/N answered which took him by surprise since he wasn’t expecting a beautiful girl like her to say yes to a dorky guy like him. Y/N took a napkin and a pen from her apron pocket and slid it towards him on the counter.

“Write your number down and I’ll text you my address after I get off work.” Y/N told him. Ethan did what she told him to do, and he wrote down his phone number. He handed her the napkin and the pen back to her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.” She told him with a sweet smile. “See you tomorrow night.” He said returning the smile and walked away back to Chad who he knows was watching the whole scene.

********************

When Y/N told Anika about her date with Ethan she was so happy and excited that she immediately took her shopping for an outfit. Y/N didn’t know where Ethan was taking her to dinner, so she didn’t get anything too fancy. She just got a short all black dress with long sleeves and a flowy skirt. When the next night rolled around Anika helped Y/N get ready for the big date. She did Y/N’s make up and curled her hair and put it into a low ponytail with some strands out on the side. After she was all ready Anika left the apartment since she had a date with Mindy.

Right when the clock struck seven there was a knock at the door. When Y/N opened the door to reveal Ethan he was starstruck by her appearance. “Wow, you look beautiful.” Ethan said as he looked at her in complete awe. “Thank you!” Y/N said as she blushed. She doesn’t feel nervous or shy towards Ethan at all, which is a bit strange since she’s that way with every person she comes across. “You don’t look bad yourself.”  Y/N said to him which was now making him be the one to blush. Ethan wasn’t dressed up too fancy either. He was wearing a nice navy-blue button-up shirt with a pair of black dress pants. “Thanks, you ready to go?” Ethan said to her. “Yeah, just got to grab my purse.” Y/N said and turned away from him. She grabbed her small purse that matched her dress.

She made sure her phone and everything she needed was in there. She grabbed her keys and stepped out of the apartment. She shut the door and locked it with her key. After checking to make sure the door was locked, she put her keys into her purse and turned towards Ethan.

“Okay, lead the way.” Y/N told him as she wrapped the strap of her purse around her shoulder. Ethan took her hand and led her down the steps and out of the apartment complex. As Ethan held her hand, she felt sparks go through her entire body that was a very new feeling to her.

“Where are we going?” Y/N asked him in a curious tone as they walked down the sidewalk together. “It’s a popular bar and restaurant that has good reviews. It’s not too far from here.” Ethan answered, which just earned him a nod from her.

They stopped in front of a red building that was not too far from an ally way right across the street. Y/N followed Ethan inside the red building. He had already made reservations so when he went up to the hostess they were right away escorted to a table. The bar looked more crowded than the restaurant part.

As the night went on, they ate and talked mostly about themselves, so they got to know more about each other. Y/N seemed to be the one to talk the most since Ethan seems to have an issue opening up which she didn’t mind too much. The most he was private about was family. “What about you? Are you close to your family?” Ethan asked her. “No, I’m the outcast of my family.” Y/N answered looking away from his eyes. “Why do you say that?” Ethan asked her with concern in his brown eyes. “I mean if you don’t mind me asking.” He added quickly in a panic tone. He didn’t want to be nosey. The panic quickly went away when Y/N giggled signaling that it was okay for him to ask. “No, it’s okay.” Y/N started. “I’m okay telling my story since I’ve made peace with it.” She reassured him. Ethan gave her a nod to let her know that she could tell him her story.

“I was conceived by an affair.” Y/N told him as she looked back at his eyes. “One of your parents cheated?” Ethan said not expecting her to say that. “It was my mom. She cheated with one of her co-workers. I didn’t find out the truth until I was thirteen. I found out when the guy wanted to be apart of my life.” Y/N explained to him, trying her best to keep herself together but Ethan could already see the tears forming in her eyes. “Was he in your life?” Ethan asked her. “Kinda of. It’s like he would come and then he would be gone in a flash. He’s not in my life anymore. I don’t have anyone in my family in my life anymore since my mom treats me terrible and my siblings just look at me as a mistake because once the word got out the guy, who I thought was my father just got up and left.” Y/N told him as a couple tears made their way down her cheeks. Before she could wipe her tears away Ethan did it for her.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. You didn’t deserve that.” Ethan said as he left his hand on her cheek and stroked it with his thumb. “Thank you.” Y/N said in a soft tone as she leaned into his gentle touch.

When they finished dinner, they went for ice cream and then Ethan walked her back to her apartment. Of course, the night ended with a kiss which put both of them in lovestruck mode.

********************

As time went on Y/N and Ethan fell for each other fast. They didn’t even need to have that talk asking what they were and if they were official because they already knew. They were with each other anytime they were free. The only time they weren’t with each other was when they were in class or Y/N was at work. When they weren’t around each other their hearts would ache. They were getting addicted to each other but neither of them was scared.

Ethan was at Y/N’s apartment for a study date which they have had many of. When the clock hit ten-thirty Ethan started to pack up his stuff but before he could stand up from the couch Y/N grabbed his arm. “If you want, you can stay the night. Anika is staying the night at Mindy’s.” Y/N told him as she rubbed her hand up and down his arm as she looked at him with puppy like eyes. “Okay.” Ethan said as he put his bag back down onto the carpet.

She pulled him towards her and smashed their lips together. When he wrapped his arms around her waist the book that was resting on her lap fell to the floor, now long forgotten. Y/N put both of her hands onto his cheeks deepening the kiss. Ethan pushed her back so she could lay down on the couch and he could climb on top of her. He released from the kiss so they both could get air back into their lungs.

“I’m so fucking addicted to you.” Ethan told her breathlessly as he rested his forehead against hers. “I know.” Y/N said with a smirk and pulled his head back towards her so they could kiss again.

********************

Ethan was awakened by the ringing of his phone the next morning. When he looked over, he saw that Y/N was still peacefully sleeping. He quietly sat up in the bed. He picked up his boxers off the floor and stood up so he could slip them on. He grabbed his phone out of the pocket of his pants that were still on the floor. When he saw who was calling him, he cursed at himself in his head remembering where he should be right now. He answered the call and put his phone up against his ear.

“Ethan! Where the fuck are you? You were supposed to meet dad and I at his apartment a fucking hour ago!” He heard Quinn chew him out in a loud tone. Ethan hushed her not wanting her to wake Y/N up. “Chill the fuck out alright! I’m on my way there now.” Ethan snapped into the phone. He hung up on Quinn before she could say anything.

He picked up his pants and put the phone back into the pocket. He first put his pants back on and then his shirt. His jacket and shoes were still in the living room with his book bag. Before he could walk out of the bedroom, he heard stirring coming from Y/N.

When he turned around, he saw Y/N open her eyes. “Hey, where are you going?” Y/N asked as she sat up in her bed but keeping her bare body covered by the blanket. “Sorry baby, I forgot that I had to meet Chad somewhere.” Ethan lied walking over to her hoping she doesn’t see right through his lie. Of course, he can’t tell who he really is going to meet. “Oh, okay. Tell Chad I said hi!” Y/N told him with a sweet smile. “I will.” Ethan told her giving her a quick and sweet kiss on the lips. “I love you!” Y/N told him. “I love you more!” Ethan said what he always tells her when she says that to him.

He gave her another kiss on the lips and walked out of the bedroom. He put on his shoes and jacket. He grabbed his book bag and walked out of the apartment. He was so relieved that believed his lie.

~Tags~ 

@quillan-pie

[anonymous-dentist]

I want more people to talk about how Roier and Jaiden are not besties anymore. If they ever truly were. Everyone’s like “oh familoier, Jaiden Roier and cellbit are such an iconic trio. You got a man his husband and his partner!” But like Roier and Jaiden do not have that connection anymore. I’m unsure if they would even think about sharing to each other about their deepest secrets like they did back then. Plus the whole lack of trust between Jaiden and cellbit that goes both ways. I think the fandom wants him to care so much about her Bc of Roier but like. She’s not even that high on his list anymore and I think cellbit can tell.

To be clear. I would love them to all get along. I would love family dinners. And visits to Bobby’s grave together. And Jaiden helping Melissa with her makeup. I would’ve loved for cellbit to offer her a room in the castle like he did to mouse but like. Even mouse was a stranger when cellbit offered it to her. Their connection is more estranged than a strangers.

I can’t even think of anything that would bring Roier and jaidens friendship back to the bond it was.

And it's absolutely heartbreaking because Jaiden was Roier's best friend for so fucking long. But then Bobby died, and she didn't see room for herself in Roier's life anymore.

She's always had problem with her self-esteem and self-worth. She never really seemed to include herself in Roier's life. She was Bobby's mother, and she legitimately didn't see a purpose for herself after Bobby died. She looked at Roier and saw all those friends of his, friends he quite literally didn't consider his friends outside of Cellbit, and she went. Well. He doesn't need me anymore.

He was the first person she showed Bobby Fields to, and he followed her around all that night trying to protect her from Cucurucho.

But after the wedding, they really haven't talked much. She thinks he's happy now that he has Cellbit, so she's been hanging out with other people. He doesn't need her anymore.

But he and Cellbit were the first to finally notice her missing, and Roier's immediate response was "We need to save her".

But, weirdly enough, the last time they really have had any sort of conversation was at the election dinner in I think August. This was after he spent the debates cheering her on as she moderated, but it was before she really properly started getting manipulated by the Federation via the :) Units (aka the Cucuruchos.)

They saw the Code Bobby and Jaiden stayed by him while Roier immediately realized it wasn't his son and left to get his items from his corpse from earlier. They haven't talked about it since.

They haven't really spoken at all since then. It's gotten to the point where, when thinking of people Roier knew he could count on, it was "Me and Cellbit against the world" where, even just a few months ago before the elections, Roier would've counted her as one of the people he 100% had in his corner.

He says hi when she logs in, and she says hi back, but I don't know if she's seen every building in Bobby's City, or if she's visited Bobby's grave, and I don't think Roier has seen Jaiden's new house or even her new wings.

And it's sad because they were so close when Bobby was alive. Jaiden is currently the only person on that island who knows about his betrayal. They shared a house. I think they even shared a bed on the first floor. She's one of the few people to know about his basement storage system. He was the first person to get to see Bobby Fields, and he remains as one of only four or so people she's ever actually invited to see it.

But the thing is... Jaiden hasn't really ever believed herself worthy of being his best friend the way he considered her his best friend. First, she felt bad about using all his extra gear and living in his house and eating his food. Then, she saw all these people showing up to "save Bobby" and she thought they were there for him and not for her despite them being there for the both of them. She saw Cellbit and thought, well, Roier doesn't need me anymore. And now that he's married to Cellbit and she's being manipulated by the Cucuruchos (and she knows that she's being manipulated, thank you), she probably thinks and knows that she can't trust him with the fact that she's friends with the Cucuruchos because he'll just tell Cellbit about it. She can't trust him anymore, and it's been so long since he's seen her that he might not trust her, either.

[thevoidstaredback]

I'm planning a camping trip with some friends.

I started last year in January, we went camping in August, and we decided to go again this year.

The plan was me, my sister, her roommate, friend C, friend S, friend T, his fiancee, friend W, and friend B. Friend W has been ghosting us since he ditched us last year, friend B deleted discord (where the GC is), and friend T has school, and I have no way of contacting his fiancee. So, it's just the five of us (sister's roommate being the only new addition)

The problem is that no one's communicating. I'll send questions into the GC and it'll be days or weeks before I get a response. And, yeah, January was a bit soon to start planning, but I would much rather be prepared than not.

The most consistent communication we've had was today when I said "Hey, what's the shade at the campground looking like and do I need to buy a canopy." And then, the conversation carried.

Sister's roommate has taken over meal prep. I'm doing desserts. I told everyone that I'm bringing water and Gatorade with me and that they have to bring any other drinks they want themselves.

Me, friend S, and his dog are driving together. My sister, her roommate, and friend C are taking my sister's truck, maybe with her dog, too. (If she makes me watch her puppy, we're gonna have problems).

Everyone has to bring their own personal gear, too.

We don't have a meeting spot yet, but it's looking like it might be my house because friend S has to pick me up, and friend C lives a few streets down from me, plus I gotta load stuff into my sister's truck.

I want to carry this trip on into next year, too, but communication seems to be impossible with my friends. (Maybe I'm the problem..?)

The reason I send the invites out nearly 6 months (last year) to a year (this year) in advance is so that people can take the time off as far in advance as possible, but they all seem to struggle with that, too.

(again, am I the problem?)

I'm gonna have fun, tho. I'mma get so much reading done. It's gonna be relaxing.

[serenanymph]

Hey everyone! I'm Serena - you can call me Ser - and my pronouns are she/her. This is the writeblr for @murderousewpecspredator! I'll mostly be reblogging writing resources, advice, inspiration etc. here. I'll also be posting my original fics and art, plus updates and snippets (and occasional screaming) as I work on my wips, so be on the lookout for that!

My works tend to include:

➼ high fantasy (occasionally dabbling in urban fantasy, dystopia or sci-fi) ➼ traumatized teenagers forming found families ➼ characters all flavors of queer + male-female friendships and queerplatonic relationships!! ➼ sad backstories ➼ hurt/comfort. SO much hurt/comfort. but also eventual happy endings where the characters get to live peacefully :) ➼ at least one character who is stubbornly kind in the face of a cruel world ➼ and hope!!! I love hope

Find me on: ao3 | wattpad

I'm looking for more writing mutuals so feel free to reply if you share similar writing genres/interests, and I'll give you a follow!

(works under cut)

WIPS

𝐵𝐸𝒜𝒮𝒯

In a world where monsters live in the woods - creatures with the ability to shift forms and wield magic - humans and Beasts have been fighting for centuries. One summer morning, Crys Averwell finds a crow-boy in the forest who has had his wings brutally hacked off.

Unfortunately, saving him from bleeding out is the easy part - because hiding the existence of a Beast from Crys's village, and finding a way for said Beast to get home?

That's going to be another story entirely.

𝒪𝓇,

My current wip!! High fantasy series with found families, banter™ and protags who aren't the heroes or the chosen ones but are just really, really unlucky. Also contains,

large casts

the Sarcastic Withdrawn one + the Ray of Sunshine Extroverted one

a Journey

undead creatures

cool magic with runes and potions and spells and Artifacts

Forests. and Mountains. and More Forests

discrimination, eventual rebellion, blowing stuff up

Sad Times

𝐵𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈

➢ Crow Wings (2nd draft complete, 3rd draft to be started somewhere in July or August) ➢ Witch's Book (1st draft in progress) ➢ Untitled book 3, 4 and possible 5

series/book 1 intro, book 2 intro

taglist (lmk if you want to be +/-): @deer-in-headlights-stare, @allianaavelinjackson, @arctic-oceans, @space-writes, @reneesbooks

𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓊𝓅𝓉𝑒𝒹

It's the start of a new school year, and Sakoto Misami's brother has disappeared. Another runaway, people whisper - but Sami knows her brother isn't like that, knows that Irumi would never abandon them.

So when police fail to track him down, she decides to investigate on her own. And the things she finds begin to make her wonder - had she never known her brother after all?

Her questions are promptly answered when, that Friday night, on a deserted train platform, the lights flicker, and something inhuman comes out of the tunnel. Straight for her.

Enter the Swords.

𝒪𝓇,

The half-defined urban fantasy wip I take out to blow dust off of occasionally, because I cannot juggle for the life of me. I do write snippets sometimes though, and I'll properly get into it sometime in the future. Includes,

Cool Swords

spirit companions

a Weird Magic System involving Threads and Needles and Weaving and Fabric. I swear it makes sense I just haven't figured it out yet

subways!!! alleyways!!! parkours and night views and leaping from rooftop to rooftop!!!

traumatized teens, again, and found family, again. But also actual family

qprs!!! heck yeah I love qprs

Yeah that's pretty much it. I have a handful of other ideas I may mention once in a blue moon, but they're sitting on the backburner for now since I'm only able to focus on one project at a time. I also dabble in fanfic, and might occasionally post a short story or a poem, but that's all gotten to be pretty rare.

I'll make proper pages in a while, but until then feel free to poke around in the main tags! The gen tags are #beast and #corrupted, while official tags are #wip: beast and #wip: corrupted (though the last one is largely empty).

See you around!

-Ser

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I don’t keep up with new music nearly as much as I used to. Not even discovering new artists or anything, but even new stuff put out by people I already like, it passes me by more than it used to. Late in 2023, I was shocked to learn two of my absolute favourite musicians had put out new albums in 2022 and I didn’t even notice. For most of my life I’ve found out about new music – both new artists and new albums – via folk festivals and country music blogs. Which is why so much of my music collection is Canadian folk music and American (plus some Canadian) country music.

But I haven’t been to a folk festival since pre-COVID – last year I finally started going to see live music again sometimes, this week I’ll be going to my sixth music gig since last August, which is less than I used to but significantly more than I did from 2020-2023, and it’s been really good. I let myself forget, in the depths of the pandemic, how big a part of my life live music was. I took it for granted most of my life, just going to folk festivals with my dad because that’s what happens every summer. And while I’ve been back to concerts, I haven’t been back to festivals, so I haven’t learned about anything new. And I don’t read country music blogs anymore because I’m too busy reading comedy forums.

So aside from blogs and festivals, how am I supposed to know if even my very favourite musicians put out new stuff? I also don’t do Twitter or anything. And of course I don’t do Spotify. I didn’t really know how Spotify worked until recently, I was just vaguely aware that it’s some demon ruining the music industry so I never looked into it. And I am still not going to look into it! Don’t worry everyone, I still have my principles, I am still horrified by the fact that my brother owns no music files and thinks it’s fine to just rent access to music that he only gets to keep hearing as long as he keeps paying and he has internet access and a corporation chooses to keep it on their platform.

However, my friend whom I moved in with in December uses Spotify, and when I hang out with him in the living room, we listen to music via the TV that’s connected to his computer, and I have to admit it’s convenient. Especially when I started typing in my favourite artists and learned that some of them have entire albums I hadn’t even known about. And, even though I’m pretty sure algorithms are a terrible thing to introduce to art, I have found a few new people I like from that.

I haven’t entirely sold out, though, because I did not sign up for Spotify (I would genuinely never do that, I will draw the line at occasionally benefitting from my roommate using it), I went and bought the albums on Bandcamp. Quick reminder of a thing that I never miss an opportunity to remind people, Bandcamp is the way to buy music where the highest percentage of the profits go to the artist (aside from just handing them money for a CD at a gig, I guess), also it’s the most convenient way to get it for the consumer (one easily downloadable folder with every song on the album as DRM-free mp3s).

I also recently raided the CD collection in my dad’s basement, because there was a bunch of stuff I knew he had and I knew I liked but was somehow not in the music collection on my hard drive. So as a result of that, I have a bunch of new music, and I’ve been greatly enjoying it.

Okay, here’s the actual point of this post, after all that pre-amble: Cody Jinks put out an album one month ago, thanks to the evils of corporatized technology I became aware of it when it was only a month old, I’ve been listening to it non-stop for several days, it’s fucking fantastic. It might be my favourite Cody Jinks album, though I’m aware that recency bias in in play. And I like Cody Jinks’ previous stuff a lot.

I should actually say that this might be my favourite Cody Jinks studio album, because he has a live album called Red Rocks Live and nothing's better than that. It's a solid cross-section of his earlier work so a good introduction, if anyone's interested in getting to know him. Which you should be, if you like his sort of thing. His sort of thing is modern American outlaw country music by a guy who used to be in a metal band. All the best country singers used to be in metal bands (him and Corb Lund).

This live version of his song Head Case is as good as country music gets. Good thing to play for anyone who spouts that claim that country music was only good back in the 70s (it was good back in the 70s, but probably wasn't good back then either if the only thing you listened to was pop music on the radio that incorrectly markets itself as country). My horrible abusive high school coach used to nickname me and any other athletes who struggled mentally/psychologically "head case", and now I play this song whenever I get sad about that, which definitely isn't that often or anything because I'm fine and not still trying to win every argument I had when I was 17. Definitely not.

Anyway, his new album is called Change the Game, and I can't stop listening to it.

It covers the usual themes - sad, angry, drinks too much, would like to stop drinking so much (going a little harder on that last point than some of his previous albums, or maybe I'm just predisposed to notice that these days), and of course the designed outlaw country anthem, in this case it's the title track and it's great. I keep finding new stuff in it.

I often find that my favourite songs on an album change from what they are when I first hear it, but at the moment, the one I've had on repeat the most is:

And then I listen to the level of guitar going on in this one that's ages ahead of some of the older stuff:

But I think once the initial excitement of the new album wears off, this song is going to end up as my favourite:

I was on the bus to work yesterday when I first put this one on and had to change the track, because the bus is not an appropriate setting for being as emotionally moved as I was by a lyric like "Don't waste your days on dreams that don't fill you/Find out what you love, and let it kill you".

Anyway, I might need to start subscribing to some musician mailing lists or something. Because I'm not signing up for Spotify or Twitter but it is nice to actually find out about this stuff.

[plangentia]

was the family you baby sat last summer that bad? (lmao im curious and new)

this is actually an oddly long story lol

yeahhhhh, like they weren't like the worst people in the world but uh. so i met them at a pub quiz in like late august and we overheard them discussing that they didn't have a babysitter for two days time. so i offered to help out since i've babysat large families before and i've been a girl guide leader and a football referees, so i can generally handle rowdy kids.

they tell me they have a seven year old and two five year old twins, and then the mum is currently pregnant whilst the dad works at home. so usually one of the parents would be in the house with me, but busy or unable to help out. and i'd be paid £10 an hour. a pretty good deal for just babysitting. he also asked if i wanted to bring my own dinner or eat what would be cooked for the kids. i agreed to have the meal there just bc it made things easier for me.

so i arrive at 4pm on the friday and meet the dad and the cleaner, who it turns out used to nanny for them, but now refuses to. she literally hands me a note as she leaves that says "don't let them manipulate you" and it's hard to tell if the them she's referring to is the parents or the kids.

the seven year old and the mum are currently out and about, so it's just me and the twins. the twins are in the garden and my first introduction to them is me getting sprayed with the hose whilst the dad watches. the dad scolds them, but they pay him no mind and then he gets back to work.

they then throw a tantrum spray me with water again and the next hour or so is a cycle of me trying to distract them and failing. the mum and the seven year old arrive back during this time as well.

the dad then calls them in for dinner and i'm like oh cool dinner time for me. and then he starts cooking and turns to me and goes, the kids are having tomato pasta for dinner.

okay, so i'm cooking for the kids. that's fine, it's pasta, i've done cooking for kids i've babysat before. i probably would have charged a little more per hour if it's 3 kids and cooking, but oh well. then he doesn't tell me where the pasta and stuff are, whilst he proceeds to cook spaghetti for him and his wife. idk if it's just bc i'm an only child, but i find it such a red flag when parents refuse to contemplate eating with their kids. but yeah whatever, i cook for the kids and myself and it's Fine. they take a little convincing to eat, but whatever.

he then goes oh it's bath time for the twins. and i'm like yeah cool, i assume you're doing that, bc you know you met me two days ago in a pub and you don't know if my child safeguarding qualifications are real. but he doesn't move and he says, oh you're bathing the kids.

huh?

that seems a little extreme, but whatever it's just the twins. i try to get them to wash, they throw a tantrum, whatever. i was not vibing with the fact that i was looking at two naked five year old boys up close, but whatever. surely the seven year old will be able to wash himself? i certainly was at that age.

no.

i then have to put them all to bed bc that's another battle, despite the fact that their parents are literally in the house.

but it's fine.

they then ask if i can do it again next week. i don't really want to, but i don't have anymore jobs nailed down. plus they'd be back at school so maybe they'd be worn out and easier to manage.

it's the same again, but it's Fine.

then i do it a third time. i really don't want to. the queen has been dying all day and i figure ig she dies before i leave to go, then babysitting will be cancelled. it's the worst time yet. i'm swearing that i'll never do it again. and then the queen is announced to have died whilst i'm bathing the kids naked in the bath.

everyone talks about where they were when the queen died. i was fighting two five year olds who were spraying me with a broken shower and trying to climb out the bathroom window.

plus i won't even mention the fact that they asked me to babysit on christmas eve. nor the fact that they also asked me to babysit in june, six months in advance in the same call. like no because a) they'd just had a newborn and i have no experience with kids under the age of 4 b) no because i wasn't back from uni c) no because it was mum's birthday d) no because your kids are the literal worst

so yeah.

[forensicated]

Smiffina Episodes - Episode 143

We pick up from last episode with the bomb planted at the cinema and the first lot of uniform arriving with Gina to sweep the cinema. Gina's trying to sort evacuation of approx 100 plus people in the targeted screening. The manager is dumbfounded - they've been treating it as a hoax. Surely better to act like it's real and be wrong than the alternative? In the staff not acting, the people inside screen 3 are starting to get messages after the bomb warning is announced by the radio station who received the threat and they start to evacuate. The police try and assist it, however a little girl gets injured in the crush.

I'm amazed that they're only evacuating one screen and y'know - not the entire bloody building! Are only the people in that one screen getting the messages/calls about it? If you heard that there's a potential bomb in a building you were in, would you stick around? After all, how do you know how big/small it is? Why are they thinking it will only take out the one screen potentially? Also this is series 19 which aired August 2003. Yes it's 2 years prior to the 7/7 bombing in London but it is almost 2 years from 9/11. And in 2001 there'd been 5 terrorist bombs centered around London planted by The Real IRA.

CAD is inundated with calls. Smithy asks CSU to act as the call divert to reassure and to gather intelligence. Cathy agrees with a rather breathy and I imagine in her mind seductive "we're all yours" but given what we know about Cathy now - it's much more creepy.

Gina requests Smithy organise back up to her at the cinema. When the room is free, Gina asks Reg and Gabriel with Mickey and cinema staff to search it but not to touch any device if they find one. A male member of staff spots what looks like a bomb gaffertaped to one of the chairs. As they move slowly and carefully to alert Gina, the device explodes, sending everyone hitting the ground, injuring Mickey's shoulder initially and the male staff member and rendering Honey unconcious. As if she's not hurt enough, Gabriel has to perform CPR on her.

Gina updates the station and she and Smithy notify the relevant groups and divert more back up. FINALLY they start to evacuate the full building. Gina spots a woman smoking outsides and asks her to blow her smoke in her direction 😂 before she speaks to the press about the bombing and asks people to call in if they have any info.

"Puff it this way, darlin'!"

Gary, hopelessly in love with Honey, is worried about her and is angry that he's not getting more information about her and that Gina has asked Ruby not to update unless there's new information. Loose lips and all that - he ends up telling Gabriel about what he did for Gina after the little car accident a few episodes back, arming Gabriel with blackmail material right as he needs it, before he gets dispatched to an assault case.

The assault case leads him to St Hughes and Ruby where he can manipulate and intimidate her even more as she waits for Honey to come round. As they do, it becomes clear that the male member of staff is actually the bomber... and as they find him, he's sat at the side of Honey's bed with another bomb inside his bag. All because noone realises 'what he's worth' because he has 'more to offer than being an usher'. He wanted the police calling to the cinema so he could learn from them first hand because he's adamant he can be a police officer - but he was rejected.

After he and Ruby talk the bomber down and arrest him, Gina is very impressed and asks Ruby to reconsider her resignation, ripping the letter up without even reading it. (The second of Gabriel's infamously millions chances after Ruby reluctantly covered for him after he set one of her school friends up) . Gabriel sees this through the window and thinks he's gotten away scott free - however Ruby can't live with herself and she confesses to Gina that she lied on the stand. She knows she's committed perjury and that it means the end for her career... but she can't cover up any longer. After seeing Ruby out, Gina is desperate for a smoke and luckily finds one of her old cigarillo ends in an ashtray in her office, sneakily lighting it. After she's finished she goes to find Gabriel, seeing through all his bluster and telling him she knows exactly what he did.

Although it's not spoken, unfortunately for Gina, he knows exactly what Smithy got Gary to do without Gina's knowledge. She already told Gary she was keeping quiet for his and Smithy's sakes which gives Gabriel the perfect leverage to stop her making Ruby's confession public and reporting him... She does become aware that Gabriel knows next episode however. He applys for a driving course at Hendon and tells her he has a clean license including no drink driving convictions and she puts two and two together and nails Gary.

[kelmcdonald]

August Newsletter: Back From Comic Con

Hi everyone! And welcome to everyone who signed up for my newsletter at San Diego Comic Con. It was fun to see a San Diego Comic Con where comics were the focus again.  If you're new here I'm making these comics:

Blue Moon is a werewolf romance gn I'm writing and Meredith McClarren is going to draw. I'm late on its script. 

The City Between is my webcomic about werewolves in the future. It updates Wednesdays. The current story is called Shards of Reflection. 

You are the Chosen One is a fantasy comic about 23 kids who got the same prophecy dream. It was posting on Fridays on my Patreon. But my editorial work has been piling up/overwhelming me lately. So it's on hold until I finish up some other stuff. 

My day job is an editor at the manga company Seven Seas and the indie comic publisher Iron Circus Comics. I like folklore, fantasy, and especially like werewolves. 

This month I'm making tweaks to my website. So we finished some more minor switches like adding more social media buttons to the top bar. But this month we are gonna revamp the store section. Speaking of the store, Misfits of Avalon volume 1 is out of print. I just sent the last ten copies to White Squirrel who handles my store fulfillment. I'm not gonna sell it at cons anymore. In about a year or so, I'll probably talk to Darkhorse about putting it back online and printing an omnibus. 

This month's werewolf movie is The Howling 2. I'm showing it in my discord server August 30th at 5pm PST. Pop in to join if you like!   

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

On August 24th, we'll have Tracy Butler of Lackadaisy Cats on Iron Circus Geekshow as a guest to close out the wildly successful Iron Circus crowdfund for Lackadaisy Season 1.

So last month I was too wiped to post photos of going to the Del Tor that I went to in June. But I sat down and put them in a drive that anyone can browse. So have a look if you wanna see some of the puppets used in the Pinnocino movie. 

While I was at San Diego Comic Con, I went to a Junji Ito exhibit. It was very cool seeing his originals. I always think its cool to see how different artists end up using white out or what needs correcting. All the photos I took during SDCC are also in a drive for you to browse. 

If you just want to see cosplayers though and not horror art I posted cosplay photos on my instagram.

As for what I'm working on, I'm still playing catch up on stuff from shake ups at Iron Circus Comics. So I'm officially putting You are the Chosen One on hold until I have Blue Moon scripted. I might put it on hold longer because I realize I'm almost half way through Shards of Reflection and haven't finished the next City Between stories's script. I'm pretty sure more people read/are interested in The City Between than You are the Chosen One. So it's got to take priority. 

Some time this month I need to find time to clean up Murky Water. It got it's first proofreading pass and I need to fix text. Then I need to start building a crowdfund for it and decide when and where to run it. Iron Circus has been having good luck with Backerkit, but it's back end is overly complicated in my opinion. Meanwhile, I said last year that I probably wasn't gonna use Kickstarter again because of them moving to the blockchain. They have kinda walked that back, but not 100%. Either this month or next, I'll type something up and ask what you all think of both platforms. 

With all this on my plate, I haven't had much time to check out new stuff. Plus with the writers/actor strike, I don't want to promo any TV or Movies I've been watching. The makes my what I've been checking out section pretty focused/brief. 

I started reading Berserk. 

And it's really really good.

If you are unfamiliar with Berserk, it's a classic manga/anime. And about a year ago it's creator, Kentaro Miura, died. Since then more and more people online have been giving it new attention and encouraged people to sit down and read it. The youtuber Super Eyepatch Wolf had a video that got me interested, Then FD Signifier brought it up in his videoessay about masculinity and anime. And then War Rocket Ajax reviewed it on Comic Catch up. So I pulled the trigger and read a big chunk of it. 

And like I said, it's really really. It's extremely violent and frequently indulges in edge lord levels of grim dark. So skip it if you don't like extreme violence. But there is some beautiful character moments that are all the more touching because they contrast the violence. 

It's just some really good comic storytelling. 

That's it for this month. Thanks everyone for your support!

[pupintransit]

We're at the end of Month 5™️ of the wait. In the same way that August was pretty dull all things considered, September was very much not.

While I still don't have a firm surgery date, on the morning I'm writing this draft I scheduled my pre-surgery consultation with Dr. Brassard. It's set for November 6! Which is yet more waiting but having a date to look forward to is going to make the lead up to it much easier to manage. I'll be taking lots of notes, and i'd be more than happy to share them with everyone after it's all over! I want my experience in getting gender affirming surgery something that i can record for people to reference, so that it can be of use to someone on a similar journey to mine.

Another milestone this month was the fundraiser I started. As you might well be sick of me talking about by now, I launched a GoFundMe at the beginning of this month. Currently it's sitting at $435, which is honestly not too shabby! This could easily be where it fizzles out, but even if I don't get any closer to the $5,000 goal i'm still incredibly grateful for what everyone has given. Most of the donations came from people I know personally, who chose to send what they could to help me with such an important. I'll never be able to fully express what that means to me.

Plus, $435 is in an of itself a tremendous help! That'll cover the lion's share of one the four plane tickets i'll need to purchase, so for that metric alone the campaign has been a great success.

Now, something that comes with the territory of sharing around a fundraiser for a very major and famously queer surgery is that your friends and family are inevitably going to find out. For the more part the response has been overwhelming positive. Old college friends and old coworkers of mine - folks i hadn't seen in years - sent me lovely messages of support and affirmation. A few even donated to the campaign! It was honestly hard to take in right at first, and i still don't fully know how to articulate the joy i feel in that.

Now, all of this seems like pretty excellent news so far sooooo why am i using the header image i am? Well this is the part where the stress comes in. Earlier i said that a lot of folks found out i was transgender and pursuing gender affirming surgery via the campaign i linked to. I figured it was best to let my parents and in-laws know ahead of time, since i didn't want them taken off gaurd. My in-laws were terrific about it. My own parents?

Ehmmmm not so much.

Mom had a very difficult time with the news. I'm not going to get into specific details but, while i haven't been written out of the proverbial will, she's very much against me doing this and will be "praying" that something changes my mind or cancels the surgery. I think (i hope) with time she comes around on it and be more supportive of me, but i can't be sure of that. Truthfully i also can't be too upset at her reaction. This is a major change in one of her children, so it's unreasonable to think she wouldn't have a emotional reaction to it.

I'm a little more concerned about my father. He did not take me being gay well at all. I remember specifically he called my husband my "friend" (complete with quotation marks) for the first few months of our relationship, so i can't imagine he'd take me being transgender or getting a vaginoplasty well either. What isn't helping my nerves is that he plays Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh in their living room as though they were day time talk shows. I'm not being hyperbolic when i say that Shapiro, Walsh, and their ilk want to do trans folks like me harm. Talking with him about this is neither something i'm looking forward to nor have the slightest desire to bring up with him.... but since my mother has almost certainly already told him this is almost certainly going to be inevitable.

My parents don't have to understand why i'm doing this and what it means to me. They just have to accept it as a reality of my life, and respect that it's something that will make my life happier. I want them to know that i've put thought and care into this choice, and just how many professionals i've debriefed with to be sure of my choice, and that my relationship with my husband will withstand the change to my body. If they can't accept it, they don't have to be a part of my life.

Of course, it's much easier to say that about my parents than to believe it.

Anyway i have an appointment with my therapist on friday so he and i will have a lot to talk about.

[laceymorganwrites]

I posted 234 times in 2022

205 posts created (88%)

29 posts reblogged (12%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lawscorazon

@kaizokuwritings

@rivvd-art

@candyuu

@supergmbstuff

I tagged 178 of my posts in 2022

Only 24% of my posts had no tags

#veggies - 47 posts

#answers from the chef - 44 posts

#waiters - 21 posts

#attack on titan imagine - 7 posts

#aot - 7 posts

#attack on titan - 7 posts

#aot imagines - 7 posts

#attack on titan headcanons - 6 posts

#jjk writing - 6 posts

#jjk - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 89 characters

#why can´t i get money for doing nothing but being cute with just a tad bit of an attitude

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

What Choso would be like having a crush

somebody help this man

I feel like he´d crush on people easily, especially if they´re nice to him

kindness is something very strange and foreign to him so he has trouble differentiating between romantic and platonic love

plus he doesn´t have a type so he literally thinks everyone is utterly beautiful

he cannot talk to his crush for the life of him

he overall struggles in striking up a conversation but if it´s with them it´s like his brain in completely empty

Choso´s a starer but in a non creepy way

he doesn´t even notice it, he is too caught up in his daydreams

when you smile at him he thinks it´s a dream as well

never approaches you because ýou´re way out of his league

it kind of brings him down a lot when he sees couples out and about 

Yuuji notices eventually and asks him about it

when Choso answers that he wants to have that with you he just goes: why don´t you ask them out then?

Choso completely blacks out like he can do that ?? 

he really doesn´t want to make you uncomfortable so he doesn´t want to approach you at all

but Yuuji does encourage him to at least talk to you and get to know you a bit

he even introduces the two of you and stays for the first few talks until Choso is less nervous around you

and he is quite happy with how far he got, he never imagined you´d want to talk to him so for him that´s a massive win

however he doesn´t know how to convey his romantic feelings to you, he´s way too self conscious and doesn´t want to be overbearing

but since Yuuji can´t really help him because of his lack of experience he suggets asking Gojo about it

since Choso is new to the field and doesn´t have any experience he trusts Yuuji and consults the teacher

however he doesn´t quite agree with his tips and so he thinks back to the first thing Yuuji has said to him: just be yourself

he kind of needs a push from Yuuji to actually talk to you but once he does he manages quite well

he doesn´t trip over his words like he feared and more than anything, he loves talking to you 

he´s still not over his shy nature but you think it´s cute how giddy he gets and how his eyes light up whenever you´re in the room

you´re the one to ask him on a second date and from then on it´s a back and forth 

sometimes he gets a rush of courage and gets super excited when he finds a new place that you would like and takes you there on a whim

he gets super comfortable around you and getting together is really casual

one day you´re cuddling while watching a movie and he just looks at you with the biggest heart eyes: I wanna stay like this forever

See the full post

119 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

#4

Small boob enjoyers

JJK edition

Megumi

he´s not really one to care for looks

but when it comes to you he really does become a pervert

is embarrassed about it and would never admit it to you though

especially in the beginning of your relationship he was so shy and couldn´t really help himself

you were so beautiful to him but your boobs...he hated guys who always stared at tits but how could he not?

he tried to do it secretly, so that you wouldn´t catch him but he was completely in his own head, just admiring the view

it made you shy as well, you thought he disapproved of the size of them and started hiding them

he gets very grumpy when you do that, he loves nothing more than to just watch you go about your every day, being so aware of the thing you´re most insecure about, that most people completely disregarded

he felt like he was the only one who truly appreciated your boobs and he revelled in it

when your relationship progresses further and you´re in private he will literally hold speeches about how beautiful you are, but you always have to laugh because he is a tad bit too serious about it

if you want to make him stop functioning just ´accidentally´ press against him from behind, you will see the way his hands twitch, in desperate need to touch and worship them

Getou

listen, listen. while we´re on the topic of worshipping this man takes the crown

Sugu isn´t only an average small tiddies enjoyer, he started the fucking fanclub for it

feels like a teenager again whenever you undress in front of him

gets so pouty when you tell him not to touch 

he doesn´t like it when you get too shy or embarrassed about your insecurities, it bores him

however he is understanding of it and helps you build confidence

but it backfires for him because you become way too fucking powerful

´you really should stop teasing me like this if you wanna walk tomorrow´

loves all the little things you do to drive him wild but will never admit that, his pride just gets in the way

while we´re on that

he´s fucking possessive, he loves your boobs because they´re his

he loves how he can just clasp them in one of his hands, the perfect size, he keeps repeating that

when he´s in a lovey mood he will whisper it in your ear all over and mark your chest

lowkey has a size kink so seeing how big his hands are in comparison to your tits makes him hard in an embarrassing short amount of time

loves to hug you from behind and just hold your tits

See the full post

120 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#3

First time calling you mommy - hcs

Chainsaw Man edition 

A/N: um Denji´s part got a bit out of hand I´m sowwy >.<

Aki

it happens when you come home

it´s obvious he feels very comfortable around you

mostly because he´s finally not alone anymore

and with you he really finally found his safe person

he always thought it would be impossible for him to fall in love with anyone

because he never believed he was worth it, he could give you a few months at most, if at all

work had him busier than he could´ve ever prepared you for and he could die any day

but for some reason you still stick around

which honestly, he is more grateful for than he ever expected

he loves the little routines he built with you, it makes him feel as if he actually has a future and a normal life

and it makes him be less reckless too

cause he always wants to come back home to you, you´re the one who makes it a home after all

Aki thought a lot about calling you mommy lately but he didn´t want to weird you out, therefore looking for the perfect moment

but it never comes, he just has all of these pent up feelings inside of him and one day they just burst

´mommy, I´m home´ he calls out in the apartment once he steps through the door 

you can´t say you´re surprised, you notice the way he relaxes around you, searches your head massages and just immediately can let go of everything holding him down 

in a sense he depends on you and you love providing for him

´welcome back, baby´

you´re so gentle, it´s like each day he falls in love all over again

Denji

blurts it out when you´re cuddling

before he met you he´d call any hot woman he saw mommy in his head, it was a pure sexual thing to him

that changes when he meets you

he always wanted a mommy that took care of him, told him everything would be alright and who would be there to support him on the way

he just never thought that would ever become a reality, after all he´s always been getting used in his life before

after high school he spends a few months getting by by stealing stuff and running errands for shady people, much like he did before

See the full post

134 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

#2

First time calling you mommy - hcs

Jujutsu kaisen edition

Megumi

it happens when he´s tired

he always liked it when you took care of him, to him it really does come naturally

you´re always the one to tell him to get enough rest, yet he never listened to you

well, it was more like he was trying to listen but he couldn´t fall asleep without you by his side

and most days missions kept him up so long that you were gone when he arrived back home

but today is one of those rare days you get to spend together

you´ve been telling him to go to bed for an hour now, he´s so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open but he still refuses

´mh...wanna stay with mommy...´ 

he doesn´t even realize he´s saying it, his words are so slurry

when you ask him about it the next morning (after finally dragging him to bed with you) he is embarrassed a bit but admits that he does feel that way, that he does like calling you this, it makes him feel safe

Gojo

says it as a joke in an argument then realizes it´s not a joke at all

you know how he gets, he´s annoying like 50 percent of the time you spend with him

but you got it handled quite well, he knows when to shut up and when he can be serious with you

you´re also not shy to joke around with him 

but there are times when he just crosses a line and that makes you mad

you´re not one to yell at him but he can definitely feel you´re more than just annoyed with him

´naww, is mommy mad at me?´

it´s this grin he has that infuriates you the most

´only good boys get to call me that´ you tell him, cold but gentle at the same time

you never managed to shut him up that quickly

or make him blush this much

he literally stares at you mouth open and all, processing  

´I wanna be a good boy for mommy´

Getou

it just slips out during sex

is super embarrassed by it 

See the full post

250 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

JJK boys with a S/O that´s stronger than them

Gojo:

oh boyyy

he was so not prepared for this

honestly he doesn´t believe you at first

it´s always more of a joke thing for you two because you never really boast about your power, let alone show it

you just always go along with his antics

but on missions you always come along, finish them quicker and then protect him to top it off

it does hurt his ego a bit but he never talks about it

you don´t brag so he does it more

it starts annoying you after a while so you just go: ´so I´m stronger than you, what´s the deal?´

´you´re not. I´m the strongest´

he has a hard time accepting it

so sometimes you need to let him save you or do things for you because it does hurt and make him feel really insecure

Sukuna:

listen listen, that man has a power kink so he´s way too excited

always finds little excuses to get you to show him your power

also likes the fact that you could probably beat him in a fight

you´re the only person who could shut him up

sometimes he just imagines you bashing someone´s head in

you make him really masochistic for some reason and after he gets over the initial embarrassment he full on embraces it

loves fighting with you (like by your side)

just being an unstoppable team with you

he knows you could take anyone on by yourself but is happy and honored that you still chose to fight with him

because that way you both can protect each other

Toji:

much like Sukuna he is happy that you´re strong

it irks him a bit that you´re stronger than him (even if it´s not a lot) just because he loves the feeling of protecting you

so he does that in every day situations instead

he loves doing little things for you even though they annoy you and he knows you could do them yourself

See the full post

397 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Homesick Masterlist

Links Last Checked: August 6th, 2024

A Reason To Swim (ao3) - nationalnobody calum/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Ashton is homesick and Calum is there to make it all better like he always does.

Disconected (ao3) - orphan_account luke/calum N/R, 1k

Summary: I like the summer rain, i like the sounds you make...

Front Door Key to my Heart (ao3) - sheepytho luke/calum T, 3k

Summary: Touring countries together in an upcoming boyband can be difficult for these four boys from Australia, and opening up to each other about pressured feelings is the best way to relieve some of the growing stress.

have my back (yeah, everyday) (ao3) - lifewasradical G, 3k

Summary: The excitement and hype doesn’t entirely make up for the things Calum misses when he’s on tour. He aches for the lazy days sitting by the pool in the sunshine. He longs for late start mornings where Roy is making pancakes in the kitchen. He dreams of the simplicity of going for a walk down the street and not having ten plus people stop him for a photo.

Most of all, he misses Duke.

The scruffy little mess of a dog is his best friend, the only person who really knows all his secrets. The soft fluff of his fur is the world’s best comfort, always there for Calum to run his fingers through when he’s stressed out. His tiny beating heart calms Calum’s in a way that nothing else on this earth can. His grumpy old man grumbles can pull a laugh from Calum’s chest even at his worst moments.

Leaving Duke behind when he goes on tour is the hardest thing he has to do.

home is where (ao3) - loafers calum/ashton E, 3k

Summary: It's the eve of Calum's eighteenth birthday and he's homesick.

Homesick (ao3) - animaicora michael/calum G, 1k

Summary: Michael looked up from his phone screen, eyes blurry with tears. It was the second time this had happened in the last couple of weeks, and Michael was pretty sure the guys were getting fed up with it. Luke was busy playing Fifa with Ashton (how he persuaded him to do so was a mystery to Michael) and Calum was no where to be seen.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Or the fic where Michael gets homesick and Calum comes in to save the day =)

Home Sick (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke N/R, 429

Summary: Michael is feeling homesick and his anxiety is worse but Luke is there to make him feel better :)

I Don't Believe In Fairytales, But I Believe In You And Me (ao3) - BandanaBoyfriends luke/ashton T, 1k

Summary: Luke is uncomfortable being in such an unfamiliar place and he can't sleep, so he turns to Ashton for help. Ashton makes Luke tea to help him sleep and they dance in the kitchen while the kettle boils.

It's Enough For Me (ao3) - mukeofficial calum/ashton G, 2k

Summary: And even though he didn’t want to admit it, he knew what the real problem was. It lay deep, deep in his chest, in a secret crevice of his heart that not a soul besides his knew about, not his mom, not Michael or Luke, and not even Ashton.

Calum was homesick.

I Wanna Sleep Next To You... (ao3) - milecgv michael/calum, bryana/ashton T, 54k

Summary: Calum gets the opportunity to live out his dreams in New York City but it proves too much for him, and on a lonely night he ends up calling the professional cuddle service he swore he'd never call.

Smile for me babe (ao3) - Directioner_Jcats_5sosfam michael/luke M, 1k

Summary: Luke his homesick and sad, and Michael makes him smile

stick together (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor G, 1k

Summary: When Ashton comes home one night and finds Luke upset due to homesickness, he steps in to comfort him.

Stupid Kitten Songs (ao3) - rollercoastar michael/luke G, 1k

Summary: @Michael5SOS: Someone come and rub my tummy and sing me songs about kittens. @Luke5SOS: @Michael5SOS I will

Or, Michael has a shitty day but in the end it's all okay because Luke sings him songs about kittens and rubs his tummy

you should know i'll be there for you (ao3) - bellawritess luke/ashton T, 1k

Summary: The world is too big for him. Everyone wants him to be Ashton Irwin, drummer, singer, songwriter, musician, and Ashton is fucking losing himself. What happened to Ashton Irwin, older brother? When's the last time Ashton was good at that?

[mrsandok]

"Bye, Toby."

I had to say goodbye to my cat of 15 years on Wednesday, August 21, 2024. It was 9 days before his 18th birthday/adoption day.

I tried my best to prepare for this moment ever since I had the growth in his mouth looked at on May 2, 2024. 

This wasn't my normal vet–it was a vet that I rushed to because I thought it was an inflamed tartar gum issue–it turns out it was likely mouth cancer and to be prepared to say goodbye to my 17-year-old cat by the end of the month.

Leaving the vet's office was pretty rough knowing this stranger vet was completely willing to put down Toby that day. The thought of going to a vet's office with my cat and leaving without him was simply unacceptable. Especially with my girlfriend at work and thinking we were going to resolve this issue before our trip to Hawaii.

My heart sank at the news–which was especially troubling since I was SO excited to start my new job the day before this. I had to balance my happiness and sadness and stay strong for myself, Toby, and Chy.

I sobbed the first half of the way home. It was a surreal type of cry. It started as a normal sob from devastating news. Then they legitimately turned to happy tears knowing how fucking happy he's made me in these 15 years.

I was always proud of telling people about Toby’s age. He’s been my live-in partner for all the important chapters of my life.

Here is a not-so-brief summary of those chapters:

2009

I learned about Munchkin cats and was casually looking through Craigslist to see if there were any around me. I was still living at my parents’ house, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity when I saw a free adoption of a Munchkin cat in the next city over. I didn’t tell my parents, knowing I didn’t want to give them an option to say no. Plus, I had just finished my undergrad–I wanted to have some new agency over my life.

I met Toby at this woman’s house. I think she bred munchkin cats and corgis. Everyone had short legs. Maybe even her. Hahah.

Mind you, I don’t think I’ve ever held a cat or pet one for more than 10 seconds. I’ve only interacted with friendly and not-so-friendly dogs. 

She asked me if I had a carrier for him, and I said my friend planned to hold him on the way home.

She laughed and said, “Here’s a carrier. You can leave it on my porch when you're done with it.”

I wanted to know his name and if I would change it if I didn’t like it.

She told me his name was Toby, and I immediately approved. Maybe because I was such a huge fan of Toby’s character on The Office.

She told me one of his favorite things is hanging out on beds. She put him on the bed and clipped his nails.

I pet him as he was laying there and he bit me.

I was a bit shocked, and she just shrugged it off, “Oh–that’s a play bite.”

The reason why there wasn’t an adoption fee was that a raccoon attacked him, and he was having trouble recovering because the other pets in the house were picking on him.  Which may have resulted in why he bit me in the first place. Haha

Taro was with me, and we took him to his parents’ house. His mom has always loved animals and would be excited to see his tiny little legs.

I took my first two photos of my new cat at Taro’s house.

I think I texted my other friends to meet my new cat at my parents’ house. 

He came out of the cage and ran under the couch.

I kept repeating, “This is bad–real bad, Michael Jackson.” a-la that Kanye feature that was popular at the time knowing I was trying to keep my cat a secret.

I finally wrangled him and brought him to my bedroom. He immediately hid underneath my bed and stayed there.

I was pretty stressed and not used to a new cat’s understandable reclusive behavior.

I can’t find the original email, but I remember emailing the person I adopted him from that night and her assuring me it was all normal.

Later that night, I woke up to him on my chest, inches away from my face meowing at me. It's a memory I hold dearly in my heart.

We bonded instantly and quickly replicated each other’s personality–that is, wanting but also picky with our affection.

Hey Jessi,

Toby is doing well.  His neck cuts are healing well.  His back and ear cuts are healing nicely, as well.  However, I noticed he's developed a bump on his nose that doesn't seem to be going away.  Do you know anything about these?  Also, do you have any recommendations for a vet?  Possibly the one where you took Toby before.  Thanks!

EJ

Toby was the one possession I had that made me feel like an adult after graduating from undergrad. I didn’t have a career plan after. I just had an English and Philosophy degree. Getting my teaching credential was monumental for me and I had to continue to live at home to support myself. 

Toby gave my bedroom in my parents’ house the feeling of living in a 10’x10’ New York apartment. Sure, I was jealous of people that had their shit together more than me. I didn’t know that comparison was the theft of joy at the time, but if I did know that–no one, no pet, not a single thing could compare to the love Toby and I had for each other. 

August 13, 2014

I accepted a job at Arcadia High School. I have never been to the San Gabriel Valley and never imagined myself living there.

Even though I was 40 miles away, I still felt very far from my friends and family. It was hard to say goodbye to my nieces, who were 4 and 2 at the time, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see them grow up daily.

Toby was my only constant. I was excited that he’d finally have a bigger living space he can call his own.

And own, he did. I barely remember him in that apartment because he was so independent and aloof. He’d only get affection when he wanted it. That was probably on the couch when I was watching TV or when I was in bed sleeping.

I was also aloof. Taking naps after work and keeping a night-owl lifestyle. During my first year at Arcadia, I was invited to be the Friday resident DJ at Mesa. I tried bringing Toby back home to Orange County every weekend but man, he sure hated it. He would meow loudly from the start of the car ride to the very end.

He was still eating grain-free kibble at the time and I was able to keep him satisfied until I came back on Sunday when I would be away.

I still remember the dirty looks he’d give me when I returned after being gone for 48 hours. He’s not like a dog that misses its owner and is ecstatic at the first sight of me. He's a sassy cat who would give me the stink eye and then come up to me for affection and pets.

I was super protective over him leaving the house. I was in the literal foothills and was scared of coyotes. I was also just scared of him running away and not coming back.

When I’d have to let my landlord in, I’d have to put him in the bathroom with food and a litter box. I’m sure he hated that but I made sure that the landlord let him out after he was done.

I still feel bad for those few hours he had to be stuck in a bathroom.

We had a pretty normal life at that Sierra Madre apartment. He had a few surgeries to remove benign tumors. One time, they forgot to remove the tight tourniquet on his paw and his paw quadruoupeld in size. I really regret not having a photo of that knowing it was as big as his head. Haha.

July 5, 2019

I moved to South Pasadena. Toby spent the first night in my new apartment without me knowing I’d be moving out my stuff at my old apartment, and there wasn’t any point in having him caged up that long.

When I say he’s owned every apartment I’ve rented–I mean it. These are his spaces, and it was my job to make him feel as comfortable as possible.

We were apartment hunting for a while. My criteria were: top floor, private patio or balcony, and a garage for my lowrider. We didn’t get the top floor; nevertheless, Toby had his first unsupervised time outside for the first time in ten years. 

Oh man, he loved it. He loved basking in the sun, lying on the outdoor chaise, and hiding underneath it.

 

One of my favorite memories was him being protective over his house when a kitten made their way to our patio. I heard him hissing LOUDLY from my bedroom. I then heard a loud THUMP from him trying to break through the glass to attack the kitten.

When I finally came out to see what was going on, I saw Toby as aggressive as I’ve ever seen him. I tried to touch him to calm him down and he hissed at me. I’ve never been more offended by my cat. Haha.

We’ve had a wonderful life in this apartment. I had my rotation of house-sitters that also fell in love with my aging affectionate cat.

In May 2023, he started showing his age. 

He would meow incessantly all night, and I couldn’t figure it out.

I thought it was senility. I thought it was just general restlessness.

Turns out he’s tired of dry kibble and wants wet food. A new thing for him.

---

Toby was one of the first icebreakers I had with my girlfriend. I sent her a picture of my apartment, and she replied, “Tell me more about that cat!”

Of course, I loved the opportunity to talk about my beloved Toby and loved showing her his tiny legs and the tattoo I have of him dressed up as Michael Jackson. 

My girlfriend met Toby for the first time on July 28, 2023. Toby has always been moody, but he was definitely less standoffish by this time.

Chy officially moved in on January 13, 2024. This was the first time I had lived with someone other than my family. My only other roommate for the past 15 years was Toby.

Chy was an absolute dream to Toby. She would do this, where she would top his breakfast, lunch, and dinner with bonito flakes. He was definitely spoiled. 

There was this underlying feeling of guilt, knowing I never spoiled Toby like Chy did. However, I quickly got over it, knowing that Chy spoils me as much as she spoils our cat. Since Toby fully adopted my personality at this point, I know he loved it and loved her back for it.

--

March - April 2024

Toby was entertaining us with his new senior behaviors. Chy was able to teach him how to click. He also had this habit of sticking out his tongue a la Dogpool.

He still had his favorite spots to sit; nevertheless, he was exploring the entire apartment for new spots. Some of the newer ones included the south-east dining chair, in between the TV and coffee table, and anywhere next to me.

I spend a lot of time on the computer. He would meow looking up at me. I would put him on a rolling cabinet or another chair. He’d like it–until he didn’t, so he would jump off and walk away. Haha.

May 2024

It all happened so fast. My normal house-sitters weren’t available and after his likely-cancer diagnosis, we definitely wanted someone to spend some one-on-one with Toby. Luckily, I was able to find someone that went above-and-beyond my expectations. My housesitter left the cameras on when he wasn’t in my apartment so we could still check up on him.

As much as we enjoyed our Hawaii vacation, we were really happy to be back home with Toby.  

As much as we loved to travel, spoiling Toby as much as we can was our main priority.

My vet said that he may only have a month left where his quality of life is worth living. We took that to heart and carefully tracked his good days and bad days.

Toby was more affectionate than ever. Probably because he knows his days are numbered and didn’t want to be alone in his senior years.

June - August 2024

We spent all summer spending money on cat food, turkey and ham slices, bonito flakes, medicine, and pee pads to accommodate our aging boy.

His tumor was getting bigger, yet he was still affectionate as ever and seemed at peace with his new normal.

Chy and I knew we were looking for signs that he was ready to go, and we were never comfortable ending his suffering as long as he still looked happy and content to be spoiled by us.

The Hardest Week of my Life

Sunday, August 18, 2024

My sister has been trying to make her way up to Pasadena to visit Toby, knowing his days are numbered. My parents were originally supposed to come, but coordinating with them is close to impossible.

In all honesty, Chy and I haven’t had many guests over, knowing Toby’s condition was getting worse. He didn’t look the same and was having trouble using the litterbox. We constantly had to clean up for him and it was our normal–we were never quite ready to showcase our new normal to other people.

By this time, Toby was losing a lot of weight, and his hindlegs would give out. He could still walk, but it was slow and swayed. He was still visiting us in our room, but he didn’t have the strength to jump on the bed.

I’m not sure what day it was, but he was really vocal of wanting to be with us in bed. It’s a memory I’ll cherish forever. He was sandwiched between Chy and me and just embraced being loved. He was so at peace–until he wasn’t and wanted to be let down. Haha.

Monday, August 19, 2024

We continued to spoil Toby, encouraging him to stand up and walk around for exercise. It was really hard for him, but he was still affectionate and lively.

Tuesday, August 20, 2024

Things took a turn for the worse on the day Chy and I both had to be away from home. Chy’s favorite memories of coming home by herself is being greeted by Toby at the door with loud and needy meows. 

He didn’t have that energy anymore. He was lethargic, in need of a bath because his lack of control over his body fluids. Chy gave him a bath and he…wasn’t looking good. 

When I came home, I saw his old self loving our company yet struggling to be fully there. He wanted to be by us, and he loved it when we petted him and scratched his ear, but his energy definitely seemed different. 

Our last night with him we stayed at the dining table with a fan on him while Chy and I played Song Quiz on Amazon Alexa.

Toby stayed there the entire night and Chy and I went to bed.

Chy would check on him, knowing she saw him in his worst state, and would report back, saying his face was worrisome. As if he were scared, he wouldn’t make it through the night. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2024

We were counting the days to his Birthday/Adoption Day, August 30, 2024. He would’ve been around 18 at the time. We knew we wanted to give him yellowtail collar, one of his favorite foods he loved to share with us.

Though Chy and I didn’t talk about it directly, we both acknowledged we’re going to have to put him to sleep sooner rather than later, knowing he can’t go on living like this–especially with a busy schedule coming up.

Chy suggested I get the frozen Yellowtail Collar and I did. We’re celebrating his birthday–just a week early.

I had to run some errands away from home and came home to see Toby in the same state Chy saw him in the previous day.

It was tough. I wiped him as best I could and tried to get him to stand on his feet but he couldn’t.

I fed him milk and water and sat next to him while I looked up in-home euthanasia options. I asked /r/pasadena Reddit and my internet neighbors were really thoughtful and compassionate. 

As I gathered quotes, Chy bathed Toby and said it was the worst she’s ever seen or felt him. He had no energy to fight his discomfort in the water.

While helping dry him, I felt how weak his hind legs have gotten in the past two days. There was no way he could hold himself up from this point on.

The earliest appointment was the following morning. I replied that we’re not sure he would make it then. He said he could be there in 40 minutes. 

Chy said she can’t make that decision and it has to be on me.

It was on me.

I broke down the hardest I’ve broke down knowing that the day is finally here. Toby finally gave us signs he’s ready to go. The love and affection is still there. But his quality of life vanished in the span of 16 hours. 

It was time. 

We put him on the couch. He was laying on his favorite blanket that Chy’s sister gifted her. We were petting him as we counted the longest 40 minutes of our lives knowing that our lives will drastically change in the next hour.

The Doctor was very compassionate to our situation. I tried my best to be stoic and accepting asking questions that would help put me at ease. 

He let us take all the time we needed to say our final goodbyes. Chy sat behind me as I watched Toby pass peacefully into the early night.

It was peaceful. Though I wish his eyes could close, it helped me realize that that blank stare, the one that he was giving us in the past 24 hours, was his sign to use that he was ready to go.

The memory that’s causing me to cry as I write this is reliving my actions while he was peacefully passing.

I kept saying, “Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby. Bye, Toby.” an uncountable number of times.

I couldn’t stop saying it. I wanted to feel the goodbye. But I was still so numb and upset. I was so shook that my life from there on out would be without him.

Every time I left my apartment, I would say, “Bye, Toby,” knowing I would be back in a few hours. 

These two words. These three syllables. Were. So. Important. To. Me.

They were important to me because I knew I’d come home and see him again. This time, it was permanent. 

Bye, Toby.

---

The grieving process is incredibly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I’m learning about myself and how lucky I am to have Chy by side during all of this. I’ve always known how lucky I was to have Toby. I’m even luckier to have the lifetime of memories he’s given me.

After he passed, Chy and I scrubbed the apartment of his things knowing reminders of him would be hard. I even washed the sofa sheets knowing his drool, fur, and scent would be hard for us to take. 

While these actions were inevitable, it made it just as hard knowing the apartment felt and now looked empty without him.

---

I’m still a Buddhist and try to live by stoic principles alongside it. It helps me be proactive rather than reactive. However, it’s hard not to fall into older patterns of escape and coping mechanisms.

I was processing the loss of my best friend of 15 years. I was able to stop sobbing somewhere along the way. And in those moments, I was able to update my friends and family about what happened. I reached out to everyone and thanked them for loving him as much as I loved him.

I was also sitting with Chy, knowing we could now travel and should do something with our Southwest Companion Pass. We also had plans to revisit her family in Utah at an unknown date.

In retrospect, I was trying my best to “be happy in the future” to escape the pain I was feeling in the now.

Chy went to bed and I went through photo albums so I can post on IG. Coincidentally, I posted 18 photos, the age Toby was when he passed. 

I disabled comments knowing that I don’t really want to sift through people’s condolences. I simply wanted to remember my best friend through select photos and videos.

Thursday, August 22, 2024

Chy and I were still processing it, understandably. Chy felt an unreasonable sense of guilt, knowing that I’m mourning my cat even though she’d only known him a year. She felt that she should be stronger, but I reassured her that I loved that we were able to have a little family in my apartment on a hill.

She told me she was jealous I could share memories of Toby with my friends and family, but she didn’t have that. That feeling just made her feel even more alone after his passing. 

That morning I broke down when I opened google Photos knowing that’s the final act of his passing. I’m backing up the photos I found to put on Instagram so I can free my phone of space. 

That’s when I started reliving my “Bye, Toby,” rant and it just floored me all over again that he’s gone.

---

Present

I’m still sad. So fucking sad. But I’m definitely at peace knowing that, during those last 20 hours, my sweet and affectionate Toby was barely recognizable. It was time, and I’m thankful for the lifetime of memories he’s given me.

Chy, Buddhism, Stoicism, and my cherished memories of Toby make the grieving bearable. 

I’ll never forget the love Chy gave my cat and I’ll never forget how lucky I am to have her as a life partner.

Buddhism reminds me that attachment is the root of all human suffering. I’m sad because I’m attached to my life with Toby before his passing.

Stoicism reminds me to accept the things I can’t control and be mindful of the things within my control. Nothing lasts, and I’m simply here for the ride.

I’ve given this advice to countless people, including friends, family, and former students. It’s another thing to put it into practice.

Though it hurts, I should be present in the moment and grateful for what I have. Memories are simply that–memories. My future happiness is contingent on the choices and decisions I make in the present. 

I love you, Toby. You’re more than a memory. You’re permanently part of me.