#lesbian realization

[allyendergirl]

Ok so I pattern recognized my way into realizing I was gay. Accept through this years long “process” of pattern recognition, I never really had a big realization, I guess.

So in middle school I was first introduced to yaoi and gay slash fic. I’m pretty sure I discovered anime (free!) through MakoHaru doujins. So my first introduction to the greater online sphere was through heavily queer spaces and content. Eventually these bl interests lead me to interacting with this greater queer fandom space and I started to see posts about how these adults should’ve realized that they were gay in middle school bc they were shipping obsessed and were also very invested in gay rights, just like me, so I was like “ok so I fall into this stereotype I’ll probably realize I’m gay at some point”.

Eventually in 7th grade I pondered the idea that I was asexual bc I didn’t have crushes on anybody. Not fictional men, fictional women, real men or women, no one. I had a “boyfriend” in sixth grade, and I vividly remember liking this boy a lot in 4th grade and the affection waning in 5th but we were still really good friends in 6th grade so I gave it a try. I think this boy’s terrible reaction to me breaking up with him is the reason why I like women. Not the point tho.

Anyway I Strongly identified with asexuality in some aspects but not in others, so I didn’t make it apart of my identity.

In 8th grade I settled on yeah probably queer/just queer. Then late in freshman year I discovered Aegosexual and I was like hell yeah that describes me pretty good, but something was still off and I didn’t make it apart of my identity.

Then in sophomore year, when I started playing with sapphic for my identity. And I started seeing posts about lesbians high school journeys from identifying as queer-to-sapphic-to-lesbian, and I was like yeah that sounds like me, I remember thinking “yeah that’ll probably be me, and I’ll probably be calling myself a lesbian by junior/senior year”. So I just let it naturally happen. And it did happen, I eventually, naturally started to call myself a lesbian in my junior year of high school.

But I wasn’t fully realized yet bc I still thought I was technically some type of asexual until I came across a nsfw profile of twitter and the person like exclusively drew and retwitted horny art of women and I got horny for women for the first time. Took me a few tries to get an orgasim out of me but eventually I had my full lesbian sexual awakening in late junior year. So yeah, I now know that Im nOt asexual.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[overlymetaromantic]

Dungeon Meshi, or as I like to call it, Marcille's-increasingly-difficult-to-ignore-revelations-that-her-endless-devotion-to-Falin-may-in-fact-be-more-rooted-in-lesbianism-than-she-originally-thought

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[womanman]

“We need more weird queer people” Y’all can’t handle 90% of the ways multigenders label their sexualities

[idolomantises]

If Monsters and Girls ever gets a tv show my only request is that it doesn’t become that kind of show where a male character with a small role somehow overshadows the female cast.

And you WILL draw Yuri

[7roaches]

sorry that took like an hour i stopped to eat dinner heres my idea

[ghostvibesonly]

imogen’s development from “i’m not like homophobic 😃 i’m an ally 😌💅” to “i don’t think i’ve ever liked a boy” is absolutely 10/10 no notes, exactly where i was hoping her character would go

[sennamaticart]

Fantasy

[takemetodragonstone]

*if your gender and sexuality brought on different feelings, vote for whichever you want. (whichever feeling was stronger, or first, or however you want to decide).

If you’re comfortable with it, put your sexuality and/or gender identity in the tags along with the feeling you experienced upon discovering it so we can see if any trends appear with correlations between certain identities and feelings!

[karoochui]

Tw for just slight blood

also Help Wanted 2 DCA spoilers maybe

How have i never drawn Vanessa before also Sun in Help Wanted 2. Heart eyes. He was crazy for all of that

[tubbytarchia]

Liau drew such an awesome salmon merPearl that I couldn't help but do the same because I can't stop thinking about her (also I turned it into Gempearl of course)

[otaku553]

New blorbo :)

Also a silly interaction with this piece

[winter-mornings]

GIRLY POP

[rouge-the-bat]

person not involved in The Discourse: wow both sides on this need to touch grass lol theyre both wackos

side A on The Discourse: i would like to exist in peace

side B on The Discourse: everyone on side A should kill themselves

[felicitypdf]

frankies bikinis valentine’s edit

[inkskinned]

you have to be sexy but you have to be sexy in a way that's kind of bloody. you learn this early because you are wearing a ruffled skirt and the snow around your ankles kicks little sand particles against your calves. baby's first catcall. welcome to sexiness! welcome to the eyesore of your own body!

you have to be sexy like high heels. like sculpted eyebrows. like lean stomach and highly treated hair. you have to be sexy like youth is sexy, which means you have to be sexy like boxtox and plastic. a 30 year old can be sexy but she's not going to be bloody, and they like the bloodiness of it. a 30 year old is sexy when she is a whiskey glass and a wooden desk.

but you need to be sexy like an open mouth. you need to be sexy like a bitten apple. like plucked skin and white-knuckling the waxing kit.

so sex is a performance, not an enjoyment. for a while, you just assumed everyone else was also in on the joke - nobody actually likes sex that much, right? like, some men probably do, but why would you? it is like a gender - your gender is sexy. your gender is the performance of sex. you are thigh highs and garter belts. which, to be fair, do make you feel sexy.

part of what does make sex good is that you can tell that other people want you, which means the performance of sexiness is both bloody and wanted, which is good, which means you are winning at having a body. being wanted is the prize. being wanted is the thing you are searching for, not hope. you think you are looking for a soft grave in easy loam, but that is bloody but not sexy. to be sexy you must be bloody like a red open sign. bloody like a handprint. this will make you wanted.

any wanted or unwanted body is subject to supply and demand, which is to say that the more demand, the better you are valued. you must be highly demanded to be valued. this is stated in matter-of-fact by some men. sometimes it is a priest that says it, and sometimes it is a podcaster, and sometimes it is the 45th president of the united states of america.

(if you do not have any experience with being told your value, i want you to grab the nearest bird to you and i want you to crush it into a thin paste in your hand. spit into the center, and then hold your fingers closed tight around it for days and days, long after the rot has set in. feel bones itch inside of your fist. this is only a fraction of what it actually feels like, but it will suffice for a moment.)

good sex feels like you have earned their desperation. you have earned your own value. for a while you operated under the understanding that everyone knew about the power structure, even him. that their desire to take you - the violence of it - means that you must desire to be caught. little prince, guardian fox - you would rather have cut your own arm off. you liked the secret, cunning little voice you keep tucked into a box. you think you are fucking me. i am not even here right now. you are fucking what i conned you into perceiving. this is a painting, not a person. dominion over the body before all things.

so you bend your body like a wheat shaft and learn the steps so perfectly that it almost seems graceful. (if you do not have experience faking your own connection to your body and sexuality, cut each of your articles of clothing just a little bit incorrectly. pour fishbones into each of your meals. this way, you will experience the average noon on a tuesday.)

you have to be sexy like light spilled over a desk, but not desperate. not a noose. you can't be sexy like an electric guitar, you are the acoustic. you have to be on top of the bull but you can't have control over the animal.

okay, okay. the little rabbit of your heart went to sleep so long ago that winter has ravaged your concept of the human soul. there's something very-bad inside you, something that has taken over, a little fetid and rabid animal, angry and hurting and willing to bite first.

oh but even that's a pain that's sexy. open your mouth. be careful not to let the canines show.