#lesbian flavored animals
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kook-sir · 1 year ago
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that one panel of girls being girls!!!! theyre great friends!!! best friends!!! friends that kiss once and awhile!!!!
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robot-enjoyer · 1 year ago
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OMFG
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Los Juegos de Evidols.
Volumen 21, 22 y 23.
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ladyloveandjustice · 7 months ago
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Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers
I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.
I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!
I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.
I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.
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Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*
How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*
She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*
Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.
Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *
Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*
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Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*
The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)
Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)
The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*
My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)
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The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.
This Monster Wants to Eat Me: (A depressed girl who's been searching for death gets approached by a mermaid who wants to eat her...but the thing is, our monster mermaid is a gourmet who wants her to be as delicious as possible, which means she's going to make her happy first (as apparently that enhances her flavor), and fight off all the other monsters who want to kill her. This is TOP TIER yuri horror and a must read for any lover of monster girls, especially monster girls drenched in the blood of their enemies, it's so good)
I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *
I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*
Whisper Me a Love Song: (A girl named Himari sees her upperclassman, Yori, perform with her band and falls in love with her music. She confesses her love of Yori's music, and Yori mistakes it as Himari confessing to being in love with her. Yori falls head over heels at first sight. (if you don't like miscommunication, dw this is cleared up fairly quickly and new drama ensues) Has an anime covering early material)
Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)
Hana and Hina After School: (a cute three volume about a gyaru and shy girl working together at a shop after school and catching feelings)
After Hours: (A cool punk girl meets a girl who's been abandoned by her friend at the club, and she introduces her to the world of DJ'ing...and romance!)*
My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*
I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!
This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.
Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)
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SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*
Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in the first volume at least).
Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.
One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )
The Summer You Were There: (For tragic and doomed yuri lovers. A deeply depressed girl starts her journey to healing thanks to a girl who courts her and enjoys her writing. Unfortunately, said girl is terminally ill. The manga is a heart wrenching meditation on grief, redemption, and how being sick doesn't mean you can't still be loved).
Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.
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ocelotlesbian · 1 month ago
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i've been thinking over this aspect of his character for a while now and i think i have enough material to make a post about it, so...
> genderqueer mitsuba!!
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an analysis on mitsuba's peculiar gender expression and queercoding! ( ´∀ ` )
full post under the cut!!
before i begin, a disclaimer: mitsuba is canonically a boy, and i'm not trying to say he isn't!! he can be a boy and also genderqueer. genderqueer folks can still identify with the "binary" labels of girl or boy, since being genderqueer doesn't require anything aside from having a queer experience with gender. and as i'll explain in this post, his gender is pretty damn queer!!!
also for the record i myself am genderqueer. lesbian flavor
now, to start off: the immediately obvious.
it's pretty obvious that mitsuba is the most gender non-conforming character in the entire manga. from his medium length pink hair neatly tied up in a little ponytail, to more subtle details like his hands being drawn similarly to that of the female characters & his occasionally drawn bottom lashes, which no other male characters seem to have.
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along with his general "you should not ask me to lift heavy objects" demeanor, all these more feminine details serve to make him distinct from all the other male characters in the manga, putting him in a kind of seperate category consisting solely of him.
and this idea of him being in his own seperate category ties in with other important aspects of his character as well!
for sousuke, it ties into how he was ostracized from his peers for standing out too much, and for no.3tsuba, it ties into how he feels alienated from humans & other supernaturals and feels as though he doesn't belong anywhere. if you think about it, it's all pretty analogous with the queer experience!
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and going further with sousuke specifically, the turning point of his character arc was his conversation with kou on the stairs, where kou essentially tells him that he didn't have to try and fit into a polite box to make himself more likeable, and he can just express himself the way he wants to. ...i don't think i need to explain how this sentiment could easily be tied in with his queerness and gender expression lol
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now i could go even deeper into how queercoded mitsuba's character arc is, but i think i'll leave it here for now.
another thing i wanna go over is the genderswap episode of the after school hanako-kun anime. now, the events of this episode including him didn't actually happen in the manga, so the canonicity is rather dubious. but i still think it's worth going over!!
this episode deviates from the manga by having mitsuba join hanako & sakura in the genderswap shenanigans. in the episode, mitsuba gets hit with the gender reassignment surgery beam and... well, basically nothing happens.
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the joke here is obviously the fact he already looks like a girl, so you wouldn't really have to change anything in a genderswap, but the part i find the most interesting is how he himself didn't notice a change whatsoever.
i'm not sure how the specifics of the genderswap robot work, but i'd imagine he'd notice something was up, right? so to me, this scene just hammers in the fact that he's just kind of unnaffected by / outside of most things relating to gender. he's in his own gay little corner, he's immune to this shit!!
so in conclusion, mitsuba's gender is in fact very queered!! his queerness & gender expression is extremely interlinked with his character arc and motivations of feeling othered from the rest of the world, and i just felt like this needed to be discussed. and also i love him lots. <3
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end of post!!! thank you for reading my autistic ramblings ^_^
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bitterkarella · 9 months ago
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Identifying furries by their fursonas
Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole
Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman
Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor
he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.
she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw
coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party
Cat- always a woman
black cat - could be any gender but always goth
kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.
bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military
Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name
lion - just a huge asshole
tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes
jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic
cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between
Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on
Pony - gay nazi
unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition
Tanuki - latino
badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest
Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.
bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics
cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme
steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy
sheep - mom vibes
pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes
domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.
wild pig - trans masc
skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.
rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars
lemur - autistic
sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions
chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"
sergel - nazi
citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met
procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child
weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders
ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many
mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story
guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet
armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"
mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.
hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc
otter - a dommy twink, possible enby
bear - gay
panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something
bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy
any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist
axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby
rabbit - trad wife trans woman
squirrel - autistic and gay
deer - gay
gazelle - zootopia megafan
monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed
ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language
elephant - mom friend
hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist
rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura
kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry
koala - an asian woman
virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics
australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)
any other marsupial - poser
monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother
doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)
german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him
afghan - arch femme
basset hound - racist
puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot
all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)
dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP
griffin - the same as above but also a brony
snake - sissy hypno fetishist
turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.
other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons
any fursona with latino vibes - white
any fursona with asian vibes - latino
any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european
avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.
raven/crow - agender voidgoth
chicken - mom vibes
dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.
any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)
amoeba - this is a troll
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bloodycyrano · 5 months ago
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K, so I'm in a depressive episode, and I'm craving chocolate. Nobody probably cares, but here's what type of chocolate members of Team Tadpole prefer and how I think they'd react to receiving it as a gift! This is purely headcannons, and I haven't been able to play the game in a few months, so if I get something wrong, don't be mad at me, lol.
Shadowheart: She absolutely adores dark chocolate, and she's absolutely one of those pretentious fuckers who hate milk chocolate, and take anything other than 90-100% cacao as an insult on their fucking bloodline. She does think that she's better than you for liking Dark chocolate- This does not change if she gets her 'good' ending.
If you bring her her favorite type of chocolate, she will not only be impressed but grateful. I feel like she probably has chronic migraines or something and would enjoy sharing it with you some late night with a bottle of wine and a charcuterie board. Probably making flower crowns or feeding animals in a meadow, basic cottagecore lesbian romance stuff. I could be wrong, I've never romanced Shadowheart, but it's just a gut feeling.
Karlach: Karlach likes milk chocolate best, and doesn't see the point in putting up with something bitter just because some people think it's 'better'. More than anything, it reminds her of her mums baking, back when she was a kid. Chocolate is expensive and hard to get your hands on, but by god when the holidays came around or her birthday, I feel like her mum would've baked her the best cookies or chocolate chip muffins after working extra hard to afford it.
Karlach would love whatever type of chocolate you gave her, but I think especially if you brought her hot chocolate or chocolate chip cookies/Muffins/etc, she might even tear up a little. After all, she hasn't had something like that since her mom died.
Wyll: Wyll is a proud enjoyer of chocolate in general, but actually seems to favor white chocolate and dark chocolate the best. He likes to enjoy the contrast in flavors.
I feel like Wyll would just be grateful to be given chocolates, and wouldn't care much what form they came in. He'd probably invite you to enjoy them alongside him, and simply spend time with one another. I do believe he loves dark hot chocolate with whipped cream, and would probably try to set up a day to go to his favorite cafe in baldurs gate for hot chocolate, to return the favor. It's a treat for him, too, since he hasn't been there since his father cast him out. It'll bring a wave of nostalgia, and maybe some unkind memories.. But he will feel happy to be there. Especially to be there with you. And maybe, it'll become a much more common thing.
Astarion: I feel like he prefers dark chocolate, if he's able to eat it at all (I don't remember how vampires work in DnD.)..
If he can't eat it, I feel like he'd miss it.. the simple things. Pleasures like imported chocolates. He might go on a monologue about things he enjoyed as a Mortal that he no longer can.-.. If he can, however, eat chocolate.. I think he'd be surprised. Surprised you thought of him, surprised you spent the money, surprised you wanted to give him anything at all. I think he'd be very happy, but he probably wouldn't want to show it. He'd brush it off with a sarcastic comment or something, yet still taking the mental note that if nobody else cared, at least you did.
Gale: Gale is the most pretentious motherfucker there is, are you kidding me? I think he, himself, loves milk chocolate and it's a major guilty pleasure, but he tells everyone it's dark chocolate. He doesn't shame anyone for their preference, but there comes an air of arrogance whenever he says he likes dark chocolate.
He will definitely be grateful no matter what type you give him, but if you give him milk chocolate and tell him you know it's his favorite? He might try to deny it at first, but his heart is beating a mile a fucking minute knowing that you've been observant enough to bring him his actual favorite type without making a big deal about it, or calling him a liar.
Lae’zel: Has never had chocolate before, and doesn't know why you're giving it to her. She does, however, adore white chocolate after you get her to try some. You'd assume she'd prefer dark, but she doesn't. She believes that if you're going to have a sweet, or a desert, it shouldn't be bitter because that defeats the purpose.
After you get her to try it the first time, she'll insist she doesn't like it or see the reason for it, but at any party or gathering or anything where there's chocolate? She's sampling the fuck out of that snack table, and hovering over the bowl of sweets like a dragon guarding a hoard of treasure. She actually really likes fancy chocolates and truffles. If you bring them to her while in an established relationship, she won't act very different, but she's very happy and feels very loved.
I might do Halsin, Jaheira, Minsc, and Minthara later. Idk.
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archangeldyke-all · 1 year ago
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something short and fluffy about making lunches for sevika
enjoy gays! love, angel :)
men and minors dni
i like to think she moves you into her apartment pretty early on in the relationship. (uhaul lesbian sevika the loml)
she doesn't work normal hours, usually coming home in the early hours of the morning and leaving in the late afternoon, so when you get up every morning (after about half an hour of convincing sevika to let you leave the bed) you have your mornings to yourself.
the two of you don't have time to cook that often, but you make sure to keep the cupboards and fridge stocked with snacks and deli meats for easy eats.
about a week into living with sev, you start tucking snack packs and granola bars into her cloak's pockets and satchel before you leave for work.
one night she mentions it casually, thanking you with a gentle kiss to your head for the chips you had hidden in her bag. you decided to step it up a notch after that.
it starts with paper bag lunches. peanut butter sandwiches and a piece of fruit, wrapped in wax paper and signed with a heart from you.
when you have time in the mornings, you write her a little note, something quick and simple. 'love u baby,' or 'u + me = <3.' it gives you a laugh to imagine sevika finding the notes while shes at work, getting flustered in front of silco or ran, trying to crumble up the note before they can see it.
but a few weeks later you're in her office waiting for her to finish some paperwork, and you see the little notes you've been packing her taped up behind her desk in a neat little row. (you crawl under her desk to give her some sloppy head after this particular discovery.)
after this you decide to take your lunches to the next level. you carve out a good 20 minutes in your morning routine to dedicate to her lunches.
you start baking. nothing serious, just quick treats you can pop in the oven in the morning. cookies, brownies, muffins. you always pack her two, in case she decides to share-- but you doubt she shares.
you start cutting her sandwiches into hearts like a lovesick fool.
your notes get a little longer. quick lists of the things you'd like to do to her once she gets home, sometimes innocent, sometimes not. little love letters, haikus, doodles of the two of you holding hands.
you buy increasingly ridiculous snacks at the store for her, chips with wild flavors, crackers in the shapes of various animals, bright candies and air puffed vegetable sticks. you switch out the napkins and old receipts you'd been writing her notes on out for some heart shaped sticky notes.
eventually you bite the bullet and buy her an actual lunch tin. you try to find something subtle, something that matches her vibe, but the closest you can find is a purple tin with black polka dots decorating it. she scoffs at the sight of it, but takes it with her to work every day and brings it home each night, empty besides a few crumbs.
the intimidating image of her stomping down the street with her usual scowl is somewhat obscured with the addition of the little lunch pail swinging along in her grip, but not enough for anyone to say anything to her.
you ask her one night if it embarrasses her-- tell her you can go back to using the paper bags. she pouts.
"fuck no. i like my lunch box. you got it for me." she says simply.
sometimes, instead of a note you'll snap a dirty polaroid and throw it in her pail. your cleavage, your ass, a shot of the matching set you're wearing under your work uniform. each time you do, sevika comes home with a dark look in her eye and fucks you for hours on end.
"you're such a fuckin' tease. had to work five more hours knowing you were at home wearing these. nearly quit so i could come home and get my hands on you sooner."
when she's having a particularly rough week, you'll roll her a hefty joint and pack it alongside some extra snacks for munchies. these nights, she comes home and drags you to the couch to cuddle for hours. she burrows under your shirt, breathing in the scent of your skin and mumbling about her day as you rub her back.
one day you come home from work to see the purple lunch pail still sitting on the counter. it breaks your heart to think of sevika going without her food and note, so you scoop it up and march down to the last drop to hand deliver it to her.
at this point, the bouncers recognize you, they move aside to let you in with a nod. you navigate through the rowdy crowd looking for your girlfriend. eventually you spot her in a heated conversation with a few of silco's goons, pinching the bridge of her nose and snarling. the man beside her flinches every time she moves. you smile.
you let her finish her little lecture before approaching her. the second her eyes meet yours, her face melts. the tension in her shoulders falls, the stress in her face disappears into a soft little smile. when her eyes catch the lunch box in your hands, her eyes go big and round.
she scoops you up into her arms, clinging onto you, burying her face into your neck. "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." she mumbles. you giggle, kissing her hair.
she drags you to her office, forcing you to sit on her lap, alternating feeding herself and you bites of the food you packed her.
"you make a good housewife." she mumbles around a mouthful of food. you laugh.
"gotta be a wife for that." you snort, elbowing her. you expect the usual laugh and smack on your ass you get when teasing sevika about marriage, but instead you're met with silence. you look up at her.
"would you wanna be?" she asks, so soft and quiet you would've missed it if you weren't looking at her. you blink.
"sevika." she looks at you, her eyes sparkling. "you are not about to propose to me in your office." you command. a guilty little smile creeps up her lips. you raise your eyebrows.
"no, i guess i'm not." she says. you giggle, nervous and giddy.
"no, you're not." you confirm. she pouts. "'cause if you want me to say yes, you at least gotta get me some flowers. and you gotta do it somewhere you haven't disemboweled someone before."
"doesn't leave very many options open for me." she grumbles. you laugh.
"you'll figure it out." you say. "or you'll just have to wait 'til i propose to you." you tease.
"fine." she huffs, shoving the remainder of her sandwich in her mouth. "just as long as you keep making me lunches."
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seattlesea · 7 months ago
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Lorien Legacies Characters as Things My Family and I Have Said (part five)
Nine: God the smell in here is making me want to die John: Then go outside Five: Then die --- Maggie, writing a book: Can your breathing get cut off if there's a heavy weight on your chest? Adam: Yeah Maggie: Cool Adam: That's how they killed people in the old days, by stacking a bunch of rocks on their chest and suffocating them Maggie: Okay a 'Yes' would've been fine --- John: Finish your food Nine: I'm going to go home and take the fattest shit you've ever seen do not make me eat more --- Eight: I'm psychic, I can see into people's futures. I see in your near future that you're going to get sick Eight: *coughs in Nine's face* --- Adam: Did you eat? Maggie: Yeah. A strawberry Adam: That's it? Maggie: Two strawberries --- Six and John: *talking about spirit animals* Six: You'd be a swan John: Because I'm so graceful? Six: No cause you're white --- Sam: I was actually really good at orchestra in school, I was first chair on the cello Six: *puts her hand to her chest and gasps* Oh my god! Sam: What? Six, sarcastically: What a cool story! --- Six and Marina: *having a normal adult conversation* Eight: My black olive just rolled across my laptop --- Nine: Dirty mother... John: *giving him a dirty look with Ella next to him* Nine:...Of...Jesus --- One: Hey what're you gonna be for Halloween? Adam: I dunno yet what about you? One: I was thinking of being a witch Adam: Oh that's cool One: Yeah maybe you can be my broomstick so I can ride you all night Adam: WHAT- One: What, is that bad? Would you rather I be a pirate and you be a sword so I can stick you in me? Adam: *screaming* --- Ella: *touches a gross blanket* Ew Marina: What? Ella: It's giving me the ick Marina: The what? Ella: I'm acoustic --- Six: Bitch, I do NOT lift to be called a lipstick lesbian --- Five: *staring at a candle* Eight: What are you doing? Five: Trying to light myself on fire with my mind --- Nine, in public loud as hell: Yeah I'd fuck young Elvis Strangers passing by: *giving him grossed-out looks* Nine: What? You would too Nine, muttering: Prudes --- Sam: Look at my skeleton animal collection. I can a bat, I got a rat, and I got a cat Hannu, sadly: But no hats --- John: *celebrating his birthday and opening gifts* Five, silently crying: *places a couple wadded-up singles in front of John* That's all I got --- Six: You know it would've been easier if you just took the highway Marina: But...the trees... --- Adam: I'm gay John after taking Adam to a Fall Out Boy concert and watching him sit on the floor with three empty couches: Cool --- One and Six: *Talking about the ped@ at their job* Six: He's the reason there's an 18+ age limit --- Five: Despite popular belief, I will be going to Heaven because Satan will be jealous someone has a fatter ass than him --- Sam teaching the Lorics to make cereal: Okay first gather your things Lorics: :) Sam: Then, you put in your milk Daniela: Huh? Lorics: :) Sam: Next, you add your cereal Daniela: Hell no Lorics: :) Sam: Then drizzle in your honey Daniela: Bro WHAT Lorics: :) Sam: And finally, put it in the microwave Daniela: WHAT THE FUCK Lorics: :) Sam: And then you have cereal Lorics: Yay Daniela: I'm going to kill you --- Marina: So what is credit score? Sam: *ten minute explanation of credit score, payments, debt, and loans with examples* Marina:... Sarah: The loophole so the bank can't lend poor people money to stop being poor Marina: Ohhhh --- Nine: Damn, dude, I really don't know anything about you. I only know like your favorite color and animal, the music you listen to, your favorite movies, how you dress, your favorite coffee flavor, your personality, your deepest fear, your address, your entire backstory, all the people you like and hate, and your habit of needing to use a straw with every single drink or it doesn't 'taste right' John:... --- Eight: Damn I'm thirsty Adam: Then go drink water Eight: I can't, I'm fasting Adam:...Well I think you're supposed to drink water if you're running around all the time Eight:...
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a-roguish-gambit · 8 months ago
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Oh goddddd. Something I reblogged earlier today has given me the best/worst x men brainrot
X-Men maid cafe.
It starts out simple enough with a need for money to help cover maintenance costs at the school. Shit gets blown up/destroyed all the time there. Tis expensive AF.
The queer community is the most mutant friendly out there and many of the X-Men are some flavor of not straight so Charles puts it up to Scott and the others to come up with a way to do a 50/50 split donation drive of sorts in combination with the local LGBT rights org for the school and the org at a local pride festival.
People are brainstorming shit and aren't coming up with anything and then morph jokes "lol what if we did that shit they do in all the super power school animes where they have a maid cafe"
The girls all roll their eyes. Most of the guys look unamused. Jean Grey telepathically flicks a paperclip at them. Then Gambit speaks up, suddenly very enthusiastic about the idea and tries to encourage the others to do the idea.
Storm immediately shuts him down. Jean grey tries to challenge him "sure we can do that...except in the spirit of pride it should be a drag cafe. Women as butlers, men as maids" hoping it would scare him off.
Gambit just looks more enthused. "PERFECT! GAMBIT LOVES DAT IDEA!"
The room is silent. Storm, jean, and rogue share surprised looks before shrugging their shoulders and voting yes. Kurt, Bobby, and morph are up for it too. With majority vote they go through with it.
Gambit and jean fight over the menu. Gambit wanting a full restaurant style menu going and Jean furiously reminding him that this is only going to be up for like a week and none of his choices are cafe food.
They some how manage to get Logan into the outfit and he looks like an angry cat some child played dress up with.
Jubilee working the kitchen and sending the items out with the gayest most sparkling presentation.
Bobby was declared the milkshake king by a group of LGBT gen Zers.
They have donation jars marked with each server's name labeled "tell us which server is your favorite" Hank and Kurt are tied for first place.
Hank is so confused people keep telling him he's amazing and wonderful and keeping asking him for hugs even if they are not attracted to him at all.
Local poetry lesbians have adopted him as their group guy friend.
Kurt: "vy do že keep calling me 'twink'? Pretty sure it's a compliment but I vish I knew vat it meant."
The bi community stanning rogue and gambit. The same group of 10 or so bi peeps coming in and stuffing their jars with ones.
They ended up coming up with x men themed treats. There's cupcakes with little red candy sunglasses on them for cyclops, and a midnight blue flan style pudding with strawberries for nightcrawler. And of course Remy beignet.
Charles is oblivious to this until they open up shop. Goes in to check out how stuff is going, sees just students in non X-Men costumes and just....processes for a few minutes before saying "good work. Have fun" and wheeling himself out the door.
Idk this is probably dumb but I love it ok let them do stupid stuff
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docholligay · 2 months ago
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Even if you haven't played it, I imagine you've absorbed some stuff about Baldur's Gate 3. What do you think about the companions, that you know of?
Oh boy am I about to disappoint you: I am the most out of the loop old lady lesbian you have ever met. A conversation between me and my wife like, oh, a month ago? six weeks?
(Context: My wife loves Pop Girlie Music)
Me: I heard this singer I think you'll really like! She's gay, but it's all very 80s flavored pop, and--
Her: Do you mean Chappell Roan?
Me: Yeah!
Her: Major pop star Chappell Roan? Have i heard of her?
Me: Well...I just heard her like yesterday, on tumblr, so.
I COULD NOT TELL YOU THE FIRST FUCKING THING ABOUT BALDUR'S GATE OTHER THAN IT IS A VIDEOD GAME. WHAT CONSOLE IS IT ON? WHAT GENRE IS IT? FUCK IF I KNOW, BABYGIRL.
Gun to my head, all I could tell you about Baldur's Gate 3 is, "Uh...presumably there is a third gate in Baldur? yeah? no?"
Let me try.
Companions, so those are characters. What characters have a seen lately on my dash, without looking?
Okay, so:
I think the gay elf girl is actually from an anime, so not her. Actually, I know she's from an anime, now that I think about it. The anime that already has the discourse that made me decide I won't watch it for a few years--fuck I should know the name of this if I'm gonna ban it from contention--Jetty will know--anyway, that gal is not from the video game.
Is the gay white haired vampire from Baldur's Gate? I get the sense that he is cunty and that's why I see so many little screenshots or whatever of him. I know people like that in a man. I guess I'm assuming he's gay, but given that I don't live on the Superwholock-esque side of tumblr, it's not all that common for me to see a man that isn't gay or Colombo.
The only other people I can think of from video games right now are those little lawyer motherfuckers y'all are in love with, Zelda, and that guy from Silent Hill.
I wanted this to be funny, but I don't even have the baseline knowledge to be wrong ahahahah. This is me walking down the street and going, "I will give you 50 dollars if you can name any country that fought in the Crimean War" (Someone: France and/or the UK me: That one's on me, I set the bar too low)
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cosmerelists · 11 months ago
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What Autocorrect Does to Cosmere Character Names
@cosmereplay suggested this list about how characters' names autocorrect in my phone--a great idea! However...I write so many lists on my phone that my phone has learned pretty much everyone's name. If I legitimately mistype "Kaladin," the phone will just correct it to "Kaladin." It knows.
So instead...I went into my phone messaging app and looked at what was suggested as I typed the character's name. I also hopped into Microsoft and looked at their suggested spelling corrections. This did produce some...interesting results. 
So here are my phone/computer suggestions for Cosmere names!
1. Kaladin
Phone suggestion: malady
Computer suggestion: paladin
This is so real. Kaladin feels that he himself is a malady while everyone else sees him as a (sometimes literal) knight in shining armor. 
2. Zellion
Phone suggestion: zero
Computer suggestion: zillion 
Ah yes. The age-old question. Is Zellion nothing...or is he everything? Zellion asks himself this question daily.
3. Shallan
Phone suggestion: shall and
Computer suggestion: shall an
If there is one thing both devices know for sure, it's that "Shallan" isn't a word. It's two words. And is there any better representation of Shallan, she who sees herself as multiple people in one? 
4. Leshwi
Phone suggestion: lesbian
Computer suggestion: lechwe
My phone believes Leshwi to be a lesbian. My computer believes her to be the noble antelope, galloping over the plains of Africa (apparently that is what a "lechwe" is). I'm not sure I totally buy either of those headcanons, but I can appreciate them both.
5. Adolin 
Phone suggestion: advil
Computer suggestions: adjoin, adoring, or addling
Yes, yes, I can see it. Adolin truly is a type of pain relief. He brings people together. He adores his wife and his friends. And I guess he...is confusing sometimes? 
6. Dalinar
Phone suggestion: Salina
Computer suggestion: decliner
My phone is trying to find a lovely name for if Dalinar turns out to be trans, while my computer is like "Man he says no to everything." 
7. Navani
Phone suggestion: navigate, java
Computer suggestion: nagana
Once again, my phone takes the positive track: Navani is an explorer! A computer programmer! Maybe the embodiment of coffee! My computer, meanwhile, has identified her as (looks up word)...some sort of parasitic disease that infects animals? Who wrote this? Moash?
8. Renarin
Phone suggestion: Renaissance, remarkable
Computer suggestion: remain
Okay, I'm noticing a definite pattern here. My phone (correctly) sees Renarin as a remarkable Renaissance man! My computer is like, "Well, he sure is there." 
9. Raboniel 
Phone suggestion: rabies
Computer suggestion: baronial
The positivity/negativity polarity has switched! Now my phone thinks Raboniel is a disease with a 100% fatality rate whereas my computer believes her to be "grand, impressive, opulent."
I think Navani would be like, "Both fit."
10. Rlain 
Phone suggestion: flair, email
Computer suggestion: rain
Okay...I think these all sort of work. Rlain definitely has flair. He is the bridger of minds, just like, uh, email? And singers do go into storms to transform, so rain is a fair association too. 
11. Hesina
Phone suggestion: Jedi; hesitate; he's in; he's insane; he's inside
I don't think I even need to go to the computer for this one. It's already a, uh, lovely (?) poem. Well, less lovely and more terrifying...who is the "he" who is terrorizing Hesina?? Luckily, she's a Jedi, so she'll definitely be able to handle it.
12. Vivenna
Phone suggestion: video, vice
Computer suggestion: Vienna
I feel that Vivenna herself would be unhappy with these suggestions. She does not see herself as a person of vice nor is she a big city person. And I feel like original flavor Vivenna wouldn't be a huge fan of videos either. 
13. Zahel
Phone suggestion: Zach
Computer suggestion: hazel
Something about Zahel autocorrecting to Zach cracks me up. "Yup, that's just ol' Zach over there. Zach with his sword. Ardent Zach." 
I'm pretty neutral on "hazel." It has a "z" I guess.
14. Susebron 
Phone suggestion: dude, dude right, dude rocks
Once again, no computer is needed here. The phone has already produced such a lovely poem. And unlike the Hesina one, it's not a horror show! It's like someone is commenting on Susebron himself. "Dude! Dude, right? Dude rocks!"
15. Steris
Phone suggestion: stern, sterile, sterilization
Computer suggestion: steric
I mean...yeah. Steris can be stern. She can seem sterile. She would definitely be a fan of sterilization of, like, equipment after experiments. "Steric" apparently means "relating to the arrangement of atoms" which, uh, sure?
16. Kelsier
Phone suggestion: keep, keeping
Computer suggestion: Kelsie
My phone seems Kelsier as a survivor--someone who keeps on keeping on!
My computer is now the one headcanoning a character as trans.
15. Sadeas
Phone suggestion: safe, safety
Computer suggestion: sides, saddens
I think that, uh, Adolin would have some words to say about my phone's suggestions here. Sadeas as "safe safety"??
But Dalinar might agree with the computer. Sadeas did pick sides. It was indeed sad.
18. Moash 
Phone suggestion: Moana
Computer suggestion: mash, mosh, moat
Yes, yes, the computer is definitely on to something here (he smashes, he's in a pit, he makes himself an island...)
But can we appreciate that my phone just thinks he's a Disney princess? Tumblr's with you, phone.
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bugcreations · 5 months ago
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Master post for my most favorite subject when it comes to my MK1 stories - my fankids! They each mean so much to my little hearts in different ways and I'm always looking for ways to make them better, so please ask about them! For now here's the info on them…
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🩷Astrid🩷
Age: 17
Sexuality: Bisexual
Height: 5'8
Likes: Fashion design, poetry, "fancy things", the color pink, butterflies, weaving
Hates: Stormy days, dull colors, mint flavors
Astrid, as you can probably guess, is the princess of Outworld! She has a pretty neutral image, some praise her for her fighting talent, polite, charming and witty personality and fashion-foward mindset, while others show disdain for her as she’s a result of a once formerly forbidden relationship, and…she inherits Tarkat.
However, Astrid has a strong heart, and she doesn’t see her Tarkat as a burden or a struggle, rather an obstacle that makes her stronger each time she comes back from overcoming bursts of her infection. She’d rather focus more on the things she wants to do, which involve fashion design, poetry, and hoping to explore Earthrealm and the unique cultures it can offer, something she wants to do a tad bit more than becoming Empress.
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💙Mankato💙
(Note this one technically a windwolf fanchild - I HC Fujin to be a girl, and Nightwolf to be transfem in this timeline. Ed Boon dont fuck them up!!!!)
Mankato, otherwise known as Blue, is the definition of crafty and fun! He has autism and ADHD, mainly expressed through his energetic and disorganized nature, and his intense interest in owls! He lives and breathes owls, through art. He loves to paint, draw, sketch and color owls and all in his favorite colors, which are the primary colors.
Blue is pretty much your definition of a “silly little guy,” he’s the heart of gold of the team and also the shortest! But despite his small, sweet personality, he has impeccable fighting skills, which he can put to good use thanks to his mom’s wind talisman! He greatly aspires to be as important and strong as his Uncle Raiden, and wishes to be something like a Champion like him someday. But for now, he’s too busy having adventures with his friends and painting…wait for it…owls.
Age: 17
Sexuality: Gay
Height: 5’3
Likes: Owls, primary colors, soft clothing, sushi (with salmon and avocado only! It’s his safe food), adventure, arts and crafts
Hates: Anything bitter tasting, loud parties, people touching his braids
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🧡Nanami🧡
Nanami is a total butch, reckless girl - she’s sassy, brave, and dresses like Adam Sandler. She’s got a big interest in boxing and basketball, and her athletic skills also aid her in kombat. While she definitely struggles with issues like her impulsiveness, her dads’ constant smothering, and her secret insecurities, she doesn’t let that show, as she just tries to do what she wants.
She’s the fighter of the group, she’ll protect them at any costs as she feels the most comfortable around them. If anything were to happen to any of her family and friends, she would never forgive herself.
Age: 17
Sexuality: Lesbian
Height: 5’5
Likes: Tigers, basketball, gaming, blue and orange colors, sports, boxing
Hates: Dresses, flowers, the color green, mushrooms
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💚Kung Wei💚
Kung Wei is a bit of the jokester of the team, as he’s cowardly, often talks as if he’s full of himself, and throws himself into rather dumb situations for attention. He’s not a bad person at all though! He just likes to enjoy the wild side of life, and everyone constantly talks about how he’s a mini copy of Kung Lao.
Like Nanami, he too has insecurities, mostly rooted in being compared to all these great heroes in his family and scared he will also be forced into the dangers they have experienced. While his dads try to help him realize he doesn’t have to live like that, Kung Wei has some deep down anxiety that makes it hard for him to think otherwise.
Age: 16
Sexuality: Gay
Height: 5’8 Likes: Animals, food (especially involving shrimp), nature, skateboarding and board games (even though he loses half the time) Hates: Horror movies, lemons, insects, Vaternians (he’s terrtified of them)
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❤️Spindle❤️ And now for my most favorite fankid, and makes up a large majority of my stories, my Reivik fankid!!!! Spindle was born and raised in Chaosrealm, so he’s a bit of a unique person when it comes to who he is! He’s a bit socially awkward often, under the impression others don’t trust him, but if he’s comfortable around othetrs (typcially his friend group) then he becomes witty, friendly and very joking as well. His intelligence comes from the ability to observe his surroundings and others in crystal clear ways in order to figure out how he can make others like him, since he always believes they don’t at first.
He may crack jokes and all, but he has the worst secret of the group - a type of curse he was born with, called Flesh’s Teeth. The way Spindle's curse works is like this - Any part of Spindle's skin can open up to create a mouth of razor-sharp teeth with a long snakelike tongue, and his eyes will glow red. Spindle gets much more ruthless, bloodthirsty and Ravenous in this form as due to his curse.He will go out of his way to attack anyone he finds delicious (Relatives are immune to his craving). When he eats his fill (typically 100 - 150 pounds), his nose will start bleeding, he will black out and not remember anything when he wakes up an hour later. His manifestations are spontaneous, but they typically occur every two weeks or so.
Spindle is always living with the fear that he will kill someone close to him, even if not his actualy family - and so he thinks everyone has a right to not like him, and that it is up to him to change it. However, what he doesn’t realize is that he is the glue of the group, and his friends are always there for him, even during his worst moments.
Age: 17 Sexuality: Pansexual Height: 6’0 Likes: The color blood red, hyenas, human anatomy, sewing, the smell of wood Hates: Bright lights, huge crowds, being questioned, tight spaces
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thedgrnlover · 2 months ago
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1. The main four robots are in a polycule.
2. Optimus Prime has banged Megatron at least one time.
3. Chase had an emo phase.
4. Chase is the emo boyfriend.
5. Heatwave is the preppy boyfriend.
6. Boulder is the jock boyfriend.
7. Blades is the nerd boyfriend.
8. In a cuddle pile, Heatwave is on the bottom, Blades and Boulder are on either side of him, and Chase is spooning either Boulder or Blades while holding Heatwave’s hand. (Courtesy of my friend).
9. Cody teaches the robots brainrot.
10. Blades is the only one of them to use brainrot correctly.
11. Heatwave thinks he’s doing brainrot right, but he’s actually just spewing nonsense.
12. Boulder, while interested in human culture, does not really mind not understanding brainrot and can accept it even if he doesn’t understand it.
13. Chase is scared of brainrot and hides behind the chief every time they use it. He thinks it’s dark magic.
14. The chief is confused by it, but he’s chill with it.
15. Graham thinks he uses it right based on the entomology of the words; he isn’t.
16. Kade thinks he uses it right, but he isn’t. He and Graham fight about it.
17. Dani is the only one aside from Cody that can properly use brainrot. She’s proud of Blades’s ability to use it. (She gave him extra lessons till he got it).
18. Everyone contributes to Chase thinking brainrot is dark magic.
19. Boulder loves animal memes and was extremely sad before he knew the homophobic dog was owned by gay people and joking.
20. Chase watches old fashioned westerns.
21. Boulder and Blades watch Bluey together to learn about humans (they just like cartoons, it’s an excuse).
22. Chase and Boulder read, but have VERY different tastes. Boulder reads animal books and National Geographic, while Chase reads classics, murder mysteries, and Fifty Shades of Grey as a guilty pleasure.
23. Chase can read smut OUT LOUD with a straight face and sometimes steals the chief’s phone to hide in his other books to pretend he isn’t reading it. He kicks his feet at fluff though and can barely get through a sentence.
24. Heatwave orders for them at restaurants, kinda like the “They ordered no pickles” meme.
25. Boulder and Blades are Gatcha Kids.
26. Heatwave like musicals. Obsessively, but he’s embarrassed and hides it.
27. Blades is a nonbinary icon.
28. Chase doesn’t know what gender is.
29. Heatwave gives off conservative Christian vibes, but actually goes by anything. (Heatwave is pleasantly surprised whenever someone uses his other pronouns).
30. Boulder also doesn’t care, but he isn’t a tsundere about it.
31. Boulder goes bird watching, and Heatwave goes with him to “Make sure he doesn’t die or something”, but he really just also loves birds.
32. Everyone calls Gram Gram-cracker.
33. The chief and the doctor are secretly dating.
34. Airbots fuck midair.
35. The chief is constantly worried about the Doc and makes sure to save him from himself.
36. Dani is a lesbian or some other flavor of gurlkisser.
37. Kade says “normal pronouns?” when asked, but he’s just an insecure transmasc goober.
(Me and my friend are only halfway through episode three)
DO NOT TAKE THESE SERIOUSLY.
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queenjunothegreat · 7 months ago
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Told you guys I was gonna start posting the random stuff I won't finish and I wasn't lying ( ꒪꒳​꒪ )
Finally, Leo gave in. “What's up with you, Beauty Queen?”
She blinked at him, like she was startled that he addressed her. “Oh! I just thought you told me you were going to dump Jason. I'm a little surprised to see you haven't.”
Leo chuckled nervously. Jason ignored them and just shoved his face deeper in his book like the slimy little coward of a traitor that he was. “Uh, I dunno what you're talking about.”
“Hmm… I suppose it could have been a dream, then,” Piper mused, then she gave Jason a sympathetic look. “You'd better watch out, Jason. I had dreams about Leo dumping all of his previous relationships only days before it happened.”
Without glancing up from his book, Jason said, “Piper, please. We both know Leo doesn't have enough game to bag anyone but me.”
Piper wheezed in laughter and Leo turned on Jason with a furiously betrayed expression and vermilion cheeks. “Dude! What the fuck!”
Jason closed his book and blinked owlishly at him. “I thought you wanted me to try being funnier.”
“That doesn't mean you should clown on me!”
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Jason said earnestly. “I'm just not all that practiced, so I figured I should start with an easy target.”
“Stop, stop, he’s already dead!” Piper howled.
Leo sneered at her. “Yeah, yeah. Just remember that I had enough game to steal your boyfriend.”
“Bestie, you stole a closeted lesbian’s man,” Piper reminded him. “Our whole relationship he was basically wearing a sign around his neck that said ‘Free to a good home.’” She gave Jason an apologetic wince. “No offense.”
“Not sure how I'm supposed to not be at least a little offended by that, but I'll give it my best shot.”
“We are ignoring the real issue here!” Leo interrupted. “Piper! Since when did you know!?”
“Since forever, dummy,” Piper scoffed. “I can't believe you two really thought you could keep this a secret from me. I'm an Aphrodite kid. I can literally smell it on you two like cheap perfume. And, Leo, really? Like really, really? You thought you could hide this from me? You couldn’t even keep your favorite yogurt flavor a secret from me.”
“It's peach, right?” Jason asked, looking at Leo.
Leo laid a sympathetic hand on his knee. “Sorry, bud, but it's actually strawberry banana.”
“He's lying; it's blueberry.”
Jason looked stricken and stared down at his hands. “I don't know what to believe anymore.”
“And you!” Piper pointed her finger at Jason, and he suddenly found the ceiling very interesting. “Next time you need advice for how to hide hickies, maybe don't ask the Aphrodite cabin when you're trying to hide your relationship from an Aphrodite kid!”
Leo frowned at him in disappointment. “You went to the Aphrodite cabin? Really?”
“Who was I supposed to ask?” Jason demanded defensively. “I don't have a cabin full of siblings to help me out. The closest I have are Nico and Percy! Nico's boyfriend can basically kiss bruises away, and Percy literally laughed me out of the Poseidon cabin. I tried to IM Thalia, but she just looked like she was going to be sick when I asked and hung up on me. I tried to call her back, but Iris told me she'd paid thirty drachmas to block me for the rest of the week.”
“Still though! You could have asked anyone else!”
“Maybe I wouldn't have had to ask for help if you actually kept it below the collar like you were supposed to.”
“Oh, so it's my fault now? Big talk coming from the guy who used my shoulders as a chew toy.”
“Oh, dog jokes. Real original, Valdez.”
“It's not a dog joke, it's just an accurate metaphor because you're literally an animal.”
“Honestly, I'm surprised that you didn't already know how to handle them, Jason,” Piper chimed in. “I figured you would have plenty of experience.”
Jason stared at her like she'd grown a second and possibly third head. “Why would you think that? I arguably have less game than Leo. I'm just tall.”
“I think you have game, babe,” Leo said, patting him on the knee. Then his face screwed up. “Wait a minute. No I don't! Fuck you!”
“Anyway. In case you forgot, my one and only girlfriend turned out to be a lesbian who only dated me because my crazy stepmom brainwashed us,” Jason insisted. “The fact that I haven't fumbled Leo is a miracle beyond words.”
“You're trying real hard to fumble right now,” Leo scowled. “Don't even know why I'm dating you, to be honest.”
”Because I'm mildly obsessed with you and you like the ego boost. And I also hold heavy stuff for you.”
“Plus you actually like his mother henning,” Piper added. She shuddered. “God, when we were dating it was like having a second dad. He just hovers all the time. I can't tell you how many times he asked me if I ate dinner while we were on the quest. Like, we were on the ship together. You know if I ate dinner, my guy.”
Jason pouted and crossed his arms. “Fine. See if I offer you any granola bars any time soon.”
“I think it's kinda sweet,” Leo said with a somewhat sheepish grin.
“That's because you—” Piper leaned over and poked him between the eyes, “are incapable of taking care of yourself, so you need someone to do it for you. Where everyone else sees smothering, you see the only feasible way for you to actually eat more than twice a week and get a full night's sleep.”
“Speaking of, it should be dinner soon,” Jason said, checking his watch.
“Babe, this is not how you beat the suburban dad allegations,” Leo clucked. “What kind of teenager wears a wristwatch?”
“Percy literally wears one everyday?”
“His turns into a magic shield that his brother made for him. Plus, he can't read it and even if he could, the time is always wrong.”
“What am I supposed to do then? What do you two do?”
“We just never know the time,” Piper said, rolling her eyes. “Like cool kids. Cool kids never know the time.”
Jason gave them both a very tired look. “I'm asking Percy to drown me and I'm telling Nico to make sure you two never see me in Elysium.”
“Pft, as if,” Leo scoffed. “We're your favorite people. Ever.”
Jason didn't say anything, he just pressed his lips together and furrowed his brow. “Awww!” Piper cooed, pinching his cheek. “We are! Look at that face!”
Jason puffed up his slightly pink cheeks and batted her hand away, getting to his feet. “I'm sitting with the Athena kids at dinner.”
“Yeah? Well, I'm sitting with the Demeter kids!” Leo announced.
“The Demeter kids won't let you anywhere near them after you accidentally set their roof on fire last week,” Piper reminded him.
“Just kidding; I'm sitting with the Hermes kids!”
“Okay, then I'm sitting with the Hephaestus cabin. I'm gonna get Nyssa to tell me any other secrets you're trying to keep from me.”
“Hey, that's not fair!”
“You two aren't allowed to just sit with other cabins,” Jason sighed, dragging a hand down his face. “You have siblings, remember?”
“Boo!” they said in unison.
Jason laughed. “Seriously, come on, you two. We do actually need to eat.”
“Coming, dad,” Leo crooned.
Piper arched her brows. “Kinky.” Leo gagged at her.
Jason ignored them both and left for the Pavilion, Piper and Leo bouncing along in his wake.
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mrhyde-mrseek · 2 years ago
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CLASSIC LIT MEN RANKED FROM LEAST TO MOST DATABLE (As Decided By A Lesbian)
•DRACULA - crusty old creep, absolutely horrid, ruined the lives of at least eight people, turned one of said people into a vampire and nearly turned another, Hollywood likes to ship him with Mina for reasons that I don’t understand because he ALMOST TURNED HER INTO A VAMPIRE THAT HER FRIENDS AND HUSBAND WOULD HAVE HAD TO KILL.
•DR. MOREAU - it’s been a hot minute since I last read the book, but the fact that he performs vivisections on wild animals to turn them into humans is fucked up on SO many levels.
•ERIK - murderer, stalker, would probably combust if shown any semblance of actual affection.
•CREATURE - made to be pretty but Victor fucked that up somehow, killed 3 people out of revenge, would also combust if shown any sort of real love.
•GRIFFIN - canonically buff & smart, but he’s also an egomaniac & self-admitted ass (there is textual evidence for that latter point) with a god complex who plotted a reign of terror so . . . maybe not the best choice.
•THE TELL-TALE HEART NARRATOR - yeah, he doesn’t need romance. He needs psychological help. Desperately. If murdering an old man because his glass eye creeped you out, hiding his body in the floor, then hallucinating his heart beating during a police interrogation isn’t a red flag, then I don’t know what is.
•JEKYLL/HYDE - on one hand, he’s a middle-aged chemist who represses every desire he has; on the other hand, he’s an Uncanny Valley-flavored criminal who beat a man to death with a cane, so you can’t really win with this one.
•ICHABOD CRANE - he’s not a bad person, and he is well-educated, he’s just less interested in an actual, committed romantic relationship and more interested in the money he’ll inherit from it.
•SHERLOCK HOLMES - he’s in the middle because I actually don’t think he’d make a bad boyfriend—he’d just be oblivious to the efforts of anyone who tried to make a move on him.
•VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN - like Griffin, he also has a god complex, but this twink somehow managed to make Robert Walton fall head-over-heels in love with him two seconds of seeing him freezing to death in the Arctic, so there has to be SOMETHING there.
•THE TIME TRAVELLER - he seems like a really sweet, passionate guy. He’d definitely ramble to you about his time machine. My only qualm is that we hardly see him interact with people (at least, people in this stage of evolution).
•JOHN WATSON - he’s kind, he’s supportive, he’s a badass, he’s canonically good-looking and charming (a feature that Holmes uses to their advantage multiple times in the stories), and he’s a doctor. He’s perfect.
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lesbianforlottie · 7 months ago
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Hello I'm Vee! 🪐 they/them
✦ this blog is pretty much only yellowjackets and star wars but I may occasionally post about other fandoms
✦ stuff about me: teenage lesbian, minor, i love mixed media art, reading sff, embroidery, in training to become an emt
✦ if you don't fuck with trans women i don't fuck with you. this includes transphobes of all flavors (including the religious ones), radfems, TERFs, and TMRAs. if i catch you reblogging my stuff i will call you out!!
✦ music: chappell roan, florence + the machine, hozier, the last dinner party, glass animals, ethel cain, towa bird, charli xcx
✦ tv/film: the clone wars, rebels, andor, yellowjackets, house of the dragon, warrior nun, the owl house, hannibal, tlok & atla, arcane, avatar 1 & 2, house (yeah ik this is a weird list)
✦ video games: the last of us, life is strange, horizon zero dawn, rain world, zelda: botw & totk
✦ my favorite yellowjackets character is lottie and my favorite ship is lottielee, however I am also a multi-shipper and can and will ship any of these girls together
✦ i will post a lot in one day and then disappear for a week, apologies if your dash gets overwhelmed with my posts once a week
✦my ao3 is veelovesrocks, i post star wars stuff over there
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