#left by a great uncle

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

While Emerald’s adoptive mum intervenes to block the Inspector from interrogating the young woman, Emerald’s phone rings.

Much to Emerald’s surprise, a producer from Glenn Hugill’s company has called with usual news.

‘He’s come into a load of money. Three million quid, I think he said. Left by a great-uncle he’d never heard of. Still, he’s up and quit. But, I assure you, we’ll do everything we can to get this project back on track. We’ll help you find your mum and dad.’

[kai-nyktos]

what if bill is jealous of the pine family because they remind him that he doesn’t get to have a happy family because he burned them all. and ford having almost gone down the same path as him (unappreciatedly smart, weird, outcasted, and then gaining access to greater knowledge and almost destroying the world) but stops and saves his family even after all the shit that’s happened (this is the one timeline where both dipper and mabel survive, after all). he gets to be happy. they all get to be happy, together.

he must hate them as much as he hates himself, doesn’t he?

[quill-of-thoth]

The Saga of Great Uncle Asshole And The Priest From Hell

It's thanksgiving (in the US) so have a family gathering disaster that is old enough to be funny. Almost a decade ago, after a life of stirring up drama everywhere she went, my grandmother died. She was an unhappy woman who tried to be better to her grandkids than she was to her kids, and didn't always succeed, and she's the reason that when I smell cinnamon tic tacs they're accompanied by the reek of an illusory cigarette. This is not a sad post. This is a post about the fact that her funeral was a fucking disaster and it was ultimately about 50% her fault. See, my whole family was at one point or another catholic. Grandma really enjoyed going to church in her last years because it got her out of the nursing home, and priests have to listen when you tell them about the husband you divorced and the children who think they know better than you. Grandma did not consider the fact that the local priest she'd latched onto like a talkative moray eel in a cloud of nicotine smoke was an unmitigated bigot. She left instructions that she wanted her funeral to be at that specific catholic church and for that priest to do the sermon. It didn't occur to her that the person who would be organizing her funeral would be her gay daughter and her daughter's wife.

Shit started getting real about when the doors opened to recieve mourners. Over the course of ten minutes, my aunt summoned:

her elder sister, a paralegal

my father, who has never seen a conflict he would not cheerfully walk away from

Their younger brother, in order to swear at the priest

My mother, who hadn't had a good opportunity to fight a priest since we left our own church and was game to do it again.

This left me, the eldest grandchild, in charge of the receiving line, despite the fact that I knew approximately no one there. My brother and cousins were woodenly shaking hands and then whispering "who's that?" "I don't know." My aunt's husband was escorting the elderly and infirm up the stairs one at a time. My uncle's wife was also around but she knew even fewer people and was mostly listening at the door of the ongoing argument.

So when my brother and Boy cousin went to see if we could pry someone who knew who was related to us out of the argument and I was busy trying to convince an octegenarian that she did NOT need to figure out which of her cousins had married one of grandma's siblings before sitting down, Girl Cousin was alone at the door.

Great Uncle Asshole arrived in a storm of curses and a faux-coonskin cap. He blew past Girl Cousin, thumped his cane up the steps, and seized my hand. It was like shaking hands with an extremely strong mummy. "You look just like your mother! It's the hair, what a bird's nest. Where's your daddy? And the rest of Helen's brood."

I muttered something about them finalizing details with the priest.

"Well, they'll come see me soon enough. Bet you don't know who I am!" I didn't know who anyone was. Everyone older than me was having a verbal cage match with a member of the clergy or escorting some other old fogey to their seats, everyone younger than me had even fewer clues, and my only hope was to wrap this conversation as fast as possible. "Nope!" I said, "I haven't seen most of the people here in years." If I had ever seen them in the first place. He was going to be mad, but I figured if I had to be the bouncer I could probably take an eighty-something year old guy who breathed like the surgeon general's personal warning to smokers. I could at least shut the door on him.

"Of course you wouldn't! Your gran wouldn't have told you. I'm your great uncle Roger, and I'm here to bury the hatchet, by which I mean your grandma! She and I swore over our father's casket we'd never be under the same roof again while we both lived, and by god I kept my oath!" People were starting to stare, and it was at this moment that a thirty-something man in a suit sprinted up the stairs, and my uncle's wife, with a look of dawning horror, called her husband. "Roger's here." The middle aged folks descended immediately. Here is a snapshot of the ensuing conversation: "Roger, why don't we find you a seat?" - my mother in her best teacher voice "Glad to see you're doing well enough to make it" - My father, in his best 'good god I want to be anywhere else' voice. "Take me to the coffin! I want to see her with my own two eyes!" - Great Uncle Asshole, "And hang up my **** hat! Killed it myself!" "I'm so sorry, I didn't know he could walk that fast" - strange suit man "If you are QUITE finished, I am starting the ceremony in ten minutes" - the priest

As my father and his brother towed a grinning and cursing old man to the furthest reaches of the family section, my mother and my oldest aunt caught all the cousins up on the argument with the priest. My youngest aunt was still crying while her wife stared fixedly at the stained glass panes and periodically handed over tissues. The upshot of it all was that my aunt and her wife would be allowed to attend the funeral (on pain of the whole family literally walking out on the priest) but would not be allowed to take communion, because the priest didn't believe in their marriage. My aunt's wife had neglected to point out that, being Jewish, she wasn't going to take communion anyway. "That's fucked" said boy cousin, and the four of us immediately resolved in whispers to refuse communion as well. The priest opened his sermon with pointed remarks about the older generation's devotion and respect for the church. He continued on through psalms and all that until he got to the blessing of the eucharist and asked the family up to receive communion. My father, who hadn't taken communion since I could remember, stayed seated. My mother stayed seated. My aunts and uncles stayed seated. The cousins stayed seated. About a third of the church didn't move. "Well father, I'll have mine! These young folks think hey have all the time in the world to get right with the lord, but you and I know better!" The priest, who had been visibly hoping god would smite us, turned a wincing glare on my great uncle and the series of distant relatives and nursing home neighbors who were now shuffling up. The service dragged on. We were lined up to say goodbye to everyone, while the suit man (who would turn out to be my second cousin) bodily hauled great uncle asshole and his coonskin cap down the stairs. "I should have known my sister wouldn't manage to raise any good Catholics! Horrible woman." he said loudly as he was stuffed into a car driven by suit man's apparent twin. The priest approached as we were finally ready to leave, to ask why we were so stubborn that we deprived ourselves of communion. After all, unlike my youngest aunt, we weren't obvious sinners! "Oh, I'm Lutheran" - My eldest aunt. "I'm an atheist" - My uncle "I don't think you're qualified to bless anything." - My mother, who learned her religion primarily from a horde of socialist-leaning nuns.

With that, we left the wreck of my grandmother's funeral behind. "Helen," said my mother, very deliberately, when we were safely in the car, "would have HATED that." My dad started laughing. "Are you kidding? She would have loved that! It would have been all she complained about for years!"

[randum-famdoms]

JK Rowling’s books are a building. And she stopped after creating shitty, waterlogged, deeply structurally unsound blueprints and half the scaffolding. Then left it to the elements (aka her Twitter), damaging it nearly beyond repair.

And the fandom looked at this, and put on hard hats. And they tore down that scaffolding, and took those blueprints and changed it into something that would work, and they built the most beautiful building you’ve ever seen.

The building JK Rowling designed was deeply flawed, it would never pass inspection, it would collapse under its own weight and lack of structural integrity within seconds of being built. The aesthetic design was tragic and hideous and offensive. But the fans looked at all of that, and said to themselves, “this building is fucked up, it will never be good if left like this, and everything about it is terrible and makes zero sense. But goddamnit, I have trauma and I can fix it because it must be done and no one else will.”

JK Rowling may have designed that original building. She may have had the initial idea. She may have built that unfinished scaffolding. She may have drawn those blueprints.

But this building is no longer JK Rowling’s.

[icelogged]

Sacred Heart of Jesus, Ukrainian Catholic Parish of Tolstoi, Manitoba

[bibleofficial]

I also had a Chevy Cobalt that would randomly turn off while driving. One time it turned off while going uphill on a highway and then started rolling backwards downhill 😭👎 managed to get it to go towards the shoulder, where it stayed still at the bottom of the U between two hills. Then I turned it on again after a few minutes of trying and kept driving. Literal death trap but I couldn't afford to replace it. Somehow passed the California Smog Test both times it got tested. Anyways the point is, I don't know what the hell is wrong with early 2000s Chevy Cobalts but clearly something is up

OK DEADASS I THOUGHT MINE WAS JUST BEING HAUNTED BY MY GREAT UNCLE BUT MAYBE THESE CARS WERE JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDER VEHICLES ?????? like i got it in 2016 & it Survived to November ‘23 on Spite & Hatred Alone

[soup-crime]

Y'know its weird how its always the people who never actually got bullied who say shit like "bring back bullying"

[hairtusk]

you might be from rural england but is your family photo album this aggressively rurally english

[18cents]

japan, miscellaneous (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

[wonder-worker]

"And where it hath pleased [God] to take out this transitory life the most victorious Christian prince of famous memory King Edward the iiijth our king, loving lord, and father, whose soul God of his infinite mercy pardon. The lamentable and most sorrowful tidings thereof was shown unto [us] the xiiijth day of this present month. [...] We intend...to be at our city of London in all convenient haste to be crowned at Westminster."

-Letter by EDWARD V from Ludlow to the burgesses of King's Lynn upon the news of his father Edward IV's death (16th April 1483)

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭

[unforth]

I stumbled upon the post of you talking about how you're trying to raise a son that won't hate himself for being male. From a young man to the mother of a young man, thank you. Honestly thank you so much. That will mean so so much for your kiddo, both now and for the rest of his life. I hope your mother's day is a joyous one :)

oh anon, many many hugs. and thank you. I hope you don't hate yourself either, you seem like a really kind and caring person. <3

[atlafan]

L’shana Tova!

[ladyimaginarium]

[llycaons]

?????

[eggbeam]

Maybe I just got spoiled from moving into a house where I don't have to share a bathroom but I've had relatives staying over recently and I'm going crazy with the mess they're creating in my bathroom 😭😭😭😭😭😭 ughhhhhhh... GET OUT