#learning who you are is a process and that's okay 🩷

[v-tired-queer]

Middle of the night internal conversation with myself about my gender ~again~

Brain: So we have established that you are, in fact, demiflux

Me: Yes

Brain: And we are absolutely confident in that fact

Me: As far as I'm aware, yes--

Brain: I have some news

Me: . . . ?

Brain: Pretty sure your base gender is actually male, but you learned about your demiflux identity on a very feminine day

Me: . . . I need evidence

Brain: No matter how you feel gender wise at any given moment, you literally go into a deep depression at not having been born male

Me: True . . .

Brain: When you think of wearing skirts and dresses, the only way you're fully comfortable with it is if you present as mostly androgynous with a male lean

Me: Yeah, you got me there

Brain: The feminine feelings that you experience come and go in waves that vary in intensity and that's usually the trigger for these late night moments

Me: Yeah okay also true . . . but I worry about using too many labels. And I worry about being wrong. Like, why does this have to be so complicated?

Brain: There's not a right or wrong way to be yourself. You get worried about using "too many" labels to define yourself, but people are complex, and it's okay for the lables that you feel best describe you to reflect that. You can use as many or as few as you need to. You can use none, one, five or ten--as long as at the end of the day you feel comfortable and represented, then it's okay

Me: Yeah . . . I'm transmasc and demiflux, with my base gender being male--I experience feminine genders in varying degrees of intensity, but at the base of who I am, I'm always a boy.

Brain: And?

Me: And that's okay 🩷

Brain: And that's okay 🩷

Me: . . . we're not gonna spontaneously review my sexual and romantic orientations tonight too, are we?

Brain: Dear God no, ain't nobody got time for that. Go to bed

[bangchansgirlsblog]

9th member getting in a bad fight w skz (v v v angsty)

Hit me where it hurts.

Warning: very traumatizing, read at your own risk!

Pairing: skz x 9th member

Summary: friends fight all the time but eventually get back together right?

!not proofread so forgive me for mistakes!

You will hate me after this but I love you 😆Enjoy!

-🩷

*

My body stumbles into the dorm rooms. A giggle leaves my mouth. My vision was blurry, no doubt there. The room was spinning but in a good way.

The scent of a good home cooked meal filled my nostrils as I sat on the floor and removed my tied shoes.

Another giggle escapes my mouth as I get up and fall down on my bum.

“Y/n? Is that you?” A voice calls that makes me jump a little. I look up to see leeknow walking into the little entrance of the dorms.

“Heyyy Oppa,” my words slur as I get up again slightly sliding but able to balance.

He looks at me examining my body. He was wearing sweatpants and a white hoodie. His glasses were on too meaning he was cooking. He stood there arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

“Have you been drinking again?” His voice is calm yet harsh.

“Maybe,” I simply say before giggling again and walking past him making my way to the living room.

His body turns with mine as he follows behind continuing the conversation.

“Are you fucking serious? We talked about this.” His tone was getting louder and I didn’t like it at all. I stopped and looked at him. His face a few inches away from mine.

“But Oppa I thought you said you would support me in everything I do,” I tilt my head and bite my lip. Slowly a smirk crips up. “Don’t you like seeing me happy?” I hiccup.

He takes a step back and I frown, “You’ve been coming home drunk for the past two weeks! What is wrong with you? We’ve been worried sick!” He growls quite literally. His face turning red and his arms crossed.

“Okay but what’s the big deal I had a little to drink, whatever,” I roll my eyes and turn my body to continue walking to the living room.

His hand grabs mine. I squirm a little trying to make him let go. “Let go Leeknow your hurting me,”

“Look at yourself Y/n! Just look! You’re a fucking mess!” His voice is loud now. Filled with anger and running through out the house. His towering over me. Making me feel small.

“Leeknow I said let go of me now!” I yelp but he doesn’t. His breathing is heavy and his looking at me with dark eyes. Filled with hurt and anger.

“Your killing yourself-“

I cut him off. Not even bothering to listen to the long speech he was about to give because what was the point? We had been going through this for the past week. The same old boring ass speech.

“I don’t fucking care! You didn’t care about me before now why all of a sudden you care about me now huh? Huh?! You’re a monster, you and all the boys are!” I’m now yelling at the top of my voice. His hand lets go shocked at my reaction. He steps back trying to process what I was trying to say. His eyes searching my face.

“What do you mean I didn’t care? Who was fucking there for you when you got eliminated? Who was h there for you when you broke your ankle? Who the fuck was there for you the nights you couldn’t learn a choreography? Huh? Who the fuck was there for you when your mum disowned you? Stop being a fucking little bitch about everything and running away from your problems. Face them! Face them instead of drinking them away!”

“Don’t you ever talk about my mother again leeknow,” my voice is low, anger laced all over it. It almost comes out as venom.

His stood in-front of me, his hands are in a fist. Why was his hand in a fist? Was he going to hit me? What was he trying to do?

“If you going to fucking hit me, hit me! Hit me leeknow-“

I step closer to his body. My finger poking at his chest and he clenched his jaw. The world is still spinning and the room is dim.

“Hey! What the fuck is going on?!” Hyunjin drops his phone on the ground and runs towards us. His hand automatically wrapping around my waist and pulling me away from leeknow who is huffing in anger. Trying to calm down.

“What the fuck Y/n?! Have you been drinking again?” Hyunjin asks me when he puts me down. His runs his hands through his hair as he starts to examine me. His eyes going back and forth between me and leeknow. “Please don’t tell me you haven’t,”

I go quiet but Leeknow Ofcourse had to step in.

“Yes she has been-“

“It doesn’t have to do with any of you!” I yell at him. I grab my jacket that laid on the floor and slightly stumble. Hyunjin is still processing what’s going on but leeknow still has a lot to say, I see it, I sense it.

“Yes the fuck it does because you promised you would stop! Look at the way you’re talking to leeknow! You can’t even see in a straight line for crying out loud!” Hyunjin’s outbursts caused me to snap back into reality.

“Why are you on my dick Hyunjin? Why are you alwyals in my business?! God! Ever since you came back from haitus you’ve been such a clingy bitch!” The words leave my mouth and my brain stops. I instantly regret what I had just said. I knew Hyunjin didn’t like his hiatus and it was the worst time in his life.

“Hyunjin’s I didn’t mean-“

“Are you serious? Are you serious right now y/n?” Leeknow cuts into the argument. His now walking towards both of us. His hands waving in the air as he speaks. “Why would you say such a thing to him? You know how sensitive that is!”

Hyunjin’s eyes start to shine, his lips turning into a frown then a scowl, “and ever since you were sexually assaulted you’ve been moping around like a bitch!” Hyunjin took a step away from me his hands were shaking. His voice is louder than ever. His body upward and straight.

The word hit me hard. My body starts to shake aswell. This was the biggest fight we had ever gotten into and we had just taken it on another level.

“Oh great then why don’t we all just leave eachother alone huh?!” I stumble back again, the alchohol getting to me as hard as the emotions were. “You know what? Fuck you leekmow, fuck you hyunjin!”

“That’s great because you know what?! Chan never wanted you in the group before! He just picked you cause you were a sad fucking trainee that nobody wanted in their team-“

“Hyunjin!” A voice yells and we all turn at Chan and Felix who are standing at the door. Obviously coming from outside. They were both wearing coats and beanies due to the coldness outside.

“I’m sorry! I had to say it, She’s a bitch!” He glares at me and then back at Chan “and I mean it, I can be a bitch to if I wanted too,” he spits at me.

I look at him in disbelief. My heart ached. My heart ached so much I couldn’t help but hold my chest.

“Where the fuck have you been Y/n? So you know me and Felix have been walking out in the cold for hours looking for you?!” I look up at Chan who is now in the same area as us. Leeknow still standing there pissed off trying to calm down.

“Why would you? Because I’m a sad little girl that needs saving?!” I scoff when I reply to Chan. His face falls, so does Felix’s. My Han trying to support my weight as I watch everyone in the room glaring at me.

Was this even real? Was I even real?

“Are you drunk Y/n?” He looks at me, eyes wide opened. His hands turn into a fist as well. His jaw tensed up.

“Ask your little fucking friends that you wanted,” I scoff and turn my back on them starting to walk out the door. I fall to the ground (quite literally) and put on my shoes. Then get up. The boys all watching in shock trying to figure out what to do.

“Where are you going?!” Chan yells, “running away from your problems won’t solve anything! Y/n! Stop!” His shouts are getting louder as I open the door not bothering to listening to him.

“I’m going somewhere fucking away from you and your pathetic little team! Chan leave me the fuck alone.” Everything goes quiet as I unlock the door but the glass shattering causes me to turn and look at their direction.

Pieces of glass laid in front of them. The handle of the face still in Chan’s hand.

“Good go away and don’t come back all you do is cause us problems!”

“Hyung!” Felix gasps and grabs his arm trying to calm him down. “Don’t say that! Ever-body just please calm down and let’s talk about it-“

“I didn’t want to be in the group in the first place!”

“We all didn’t want you either but look where we both are!”

“Hyung stop!” Felix puts his hand over his mouth. “That’s not true! Look at you guys.” His eyes tears up as he looks at me. My heart breaks. “Y/n just come back inside and let’s talk about it okay?”

“Let her go Felix, she’s pathetic anyway.” Hyunjin says as he turns around to walk back to his room.

I slam the front door and run up the apartments stairs. I need to get away for a moment. I needed to think. I stumble through out until I get to the roof stop.

I take a deep breath and find my legs swinging off the edge. I look down to say the busy street.

When did life get this busy? This out of control?

I had to deal with a lot. I couldn’t anymore. I wouldn’t. If the boys didn’t want me anymore then I had no one.

Hot tears run down my cheeks. The pain in my chest aching even worse than before. The wind blew on my hair as I took a deep breath in and let myself go.

“No wait! Y/n!” I hear I.N’s scream. Instant regret fills my body but it’s to late. My body falling down the different floors, gasps and screams fill the street until everything goes quiet. My mind goes quiet.

Then end.

*

Y’all I feel so bad omg forgive me 😭

-🩷

PT 2:

[the-earth-priestess]

A PICK-A-PILE FOR THE QUEER GOTHS 🔪🥀🩸

(and really, anyone who wants to play)

WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK FROM LOVE?

rules: feel out the vibes of each set of images. you can take as long as you like, you can choose more than one or all if you want, either way it's better to go with your gut instincts. then read the corresponding info under the cut. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, have fun! 🩷🖤❤️

also note that this can be interpreted however you like. it doesn't have to be romantic love; it can be any kind of love -- platonic, familial, spiritual, or some secret other thing. anything you like. your limit is your imagination.

Pile 1.

Pile 2.

Pile 3.

Pile 1.

You are holding onto something or someone in your heart that is blocking the flow of your emotions. Whether this be a person in your life right now, a ghost of what was, or more like a collection of memories, God is encouraging you to let go. You don't have to forgive or forget, but moving on is essential for opening up yourself to new love. You need to make the space for it.

You need to remember that you are growing at your own rate, and that's okay. Comparison is the killer of joy. Allow yourself to breathe, and be kind to your own being, as you make progress.

You have someone you want to be closer to, and you could very well be if you pursue it. It's important to take the initiative. You never know unless you try, and you only increase your chances of love if you try.

You need to practice being assertive to be loved. Asserting your boundaries is an important aspect of healthy relationships and the key to being loved the way you need. You need to teach those around you how to love you, even if there's already an emotional connection. Real love takes effort.

You've been pushing yourself too far and too hard as well. Maybe you've been taking care of others without letting yourself be cared for in the process. You need to relax and take a breather! Let yourself regain your energy, because you need to learn how to love yourself amongst learning how to love others, too.

Pile 2.

Things feel chaotic in your love life right now, but instead of shying away from it, try leaning into it. Try looking at things upside-down. You might like what you see.

You've been reaping the benefits of your sown harvest. Your emotional capacity is plentiful and abundant, and so you could try giving where others are in need! What you give to the world returns to you tenfold; this is how the world and God's part in it works.

Your appearance is unassuming, perhaps... but you know the strength you hold within. This is a gentle reminder to not let the opinions of others sway you when you know that you are surrounded by love, warmth and prosperity.

You're nearing the end of a cycle. You'll be collecting the fruits of your harvest, and you can take time to enjoy them; the good and the bad and the in-between; learn and live. You will see another spring just like this one.

A difficult decision is to be made, but you know what you're going to do. You need not hesitate, and you will feel relief in the fallout. You will find your way forward from this, it will not last forever.

You have things you've been keeping from people, and not maliciously -- but it would do you good to get it off your chest. The other person might have something to share too, and you can grow closer through trusting each other.

Face your enemies and stand your ground. You don't have to sacrifice your agency for them. You don't owe them that. You're facing these difficulties because of them, and it is not your fault. Be good to yourself by allowing yourself to be heard.

You've been facing so many situations that are outside of your control, but the way you behave is not outside your control. You know what you need to do, and being good to yourself is part of the journey. Pick your battles. Listen to your inner voice that knows which ones to fight.

Recenter yourself. You've been wearing thin because of these struggles you've been facing, so take time for yourself. Find that balance, reacquaint your body and your mind. It will help you when you need it most.

Pile 3.

Seeds remain dormant for many years waiting for the right conditions to sprout. Now is the time to bide your time. Wait until you're sure you're ready.

You're plentiful in emotional energy right now, bountiful and steady in ways, but someone around you could be struggling. Who haven't you heard from in a while? Maybe you could check in with them.

Your needs are being overlooked by others right now; consider communicating to let yourself be heard. If you have communicated multiple times and it's never gone well? Consider cutting out that which doesn't help you prosper. It's courageous to choose yourself first and foremost.

Taking a break from love is not weakness, it is strength in its own right. You need time right now. You need time to process, to meditate on things. And that's okay. So take all the time you need and know your worth.

Take a step back and soak up some restful energy in the sunshine. You need to tend to your anxieties and worries; soothe them, or try learning how to soothe them. Become acquainted with yourself and how to self-soothe; it is essential that you relax right now.

You're grieving right now. Whether that be the loss of a relationship, a life or a connection entirely, this is a gentle reminder that you are not alone and that the love you cherished will return to you in a new form.

Thanks for playing! :) Please reblog and let me know how it resonated if you enjoyed! 🩷🖤❤️

[plurapony]

Recovery in DID for Dummies!

[AKA THIS GUY ↑ ON R/SYSTEMSCRINGE]

The first step you need to do in recovery is integration. You see everything you experience in being a system is for a reason and the separation of parts is caused by dissociation barriers! Integration is the process of lowering those dissociation barriers which will decrease overall dissociation and amnesia and eventually will lead to recovery!

It's important to note that your brain does things for a reason, and sometimes memories are hidden through the separation of parts for a reason. Make sure you practice recovery in a safe place and with a licensed professional. It's always okay to take a break especially if you can't handle the traumatic memories at the moment 🩷

So, integration - how exactly do you go about it? Think of all your parts being in one room, they're all super awkward and no one is talking to each other. Integration is the process of helping things along so that they can start all talking to each other and feel comfortable sharing the same space with each other.

The most important reminders to achieve integration is to respect and to listen. Respect your parts and their wishes, do they want their own name? What do they feel comfortable doing? Then once you've established trust you can start working on more pressing issues. You can start figuring out their role in the system (ie why they exist and why they exist the way they do) and with learning more about them you can learn more about your overall self. A stronger bond between parts will decrease communication barriers and help overall system responsibility!

And then we talk about MAPPING!!! Mapping is the process of mapping out your system (this is what the syscringe idiot is referring to!) whether that be a timeline of when they formed, a guide to subsystems, a guide to roles or just a visual representation of all your parts!

Here's a few examples of maps we have personally made that helps explain the different types you can make :)

For systems like me, who are unable to visualize and don't have a headspace maps can be really really helpful (though it can be helpful for everyone) It can help you understand how your system works or things you feel but you couldn't properly put into words.

And how do you map? Simple! Grab a sketchbook or a piece of paper, a whole bunch of colored pens/textas and just let your parts take control!! Don't worry about order or perfection just let them feel heard. So much of recovery is grounded in making your parts feel heard.

I wish I could give advice about how to go once you've reached integration but unfortunately I'm not personally there on my journey yet. Me and my parts have a very strong familial bond and we care about each other deeply. We all recognize we are all parts of one whole individual and we do our best to make sure we can thrive the best way we can.

So happy healing! Remember that there's no rules to your own personal healing journey! Do what works for you and I wish you all the best 🌈

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]

[kissohee]

hiii ! omg i haven’t used tumblr in years and i love love loooove your blog, it’s amazing !!

i was wondering what you could write about in a situation where sohee and y/n are studying for an exam in the library and y/n starts teasing him under the table and IDK YOURE MAGICAL YOULL FIGURE OUT THE REST I LOVE YOU 🩷

sohee x reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 1.7k+ ☆ one-shot mdni! warnings; y/n has no personal boundaries, exhibition, handjob a/n; thank u so so much! lyt! ❣️

When the professor announced that an exam would be held about the current topic you were learning in class, you were in no doubt very nervous. You hadn't exactly understood the topic very well, so you knew if you didn't do anything about it, you were more than likely going to fail. Thankfully there was a classmate of yours who happened to really understand it, and you've heard from so many people that he really likes you too. So you jumped to the opportunity to ask him to help you study.

Which led you to now. Sitting in your schools public library, with books sprawled all over the table you were using. Sohee sat besides you, typing away on his laptop, marking off things you guys need to go over.

"We should probably go over this. Professor said it'll 100% be on the exam." He says, opening one of the books, trying to find the topic in it.

"Sure, whatever you think we should." You couldn't help but admire Sohee from up close. Yes, you've heard about him liking you from everyone but you never really saw anything in him. Until now. And you have no idea if it's because he's helping you or because he is just really cute. In fact, you think he's so cute to the point where you start imagining what he'd be like if you touched him. Probably whiney, might move a lot, or maybe he's just completely unpredictable. And you sure as hell wanted to find out. When he doesn't look, you place your hand on his thigh, pushing off it to stand up and stretch. When you look at him, you see him looking at his thigh, where your hand was, before balling up his hands out of nervousness. "Want to take a break?" He asks, looking up at you as you stretch. "No I'm okay!" You smile at him when he nods, and you sit back down, closer to him than you were before. Which he notices, because you see him take small glances at you through the corner of your eye. Your hand going right back on his thigh, trying to find any way to make it seem like you weren't trying to do anything on purpose, "I like the way your jeans feel.!" You take the opportunity to softly rub his thigh, fingers getting closer to his crotch and he nervously smiles. "What are they made out of?" "Uh," He freezes, "Normal jean material?" He is visibly confused on why you're acting different than you were before. You move your hand so it's near his crotch, taking notice to the way his bread hitched and how he freezes what he was doing. However, he tries very hard not to react in an obvious way. And you just keep it there, which confuses Sohee even more. In the back of his mind, he's praying you don't move your hand anymore than you already have. "Sohee, what about this one?" You pretend to act confused, dragging your hand up to point at the book, your fingers softly making contact with his bulge as you do. His hips shifting slightly from your fingers, a boner growing in his pants. He could almost die right now. You probably didn't even mean to touch him like that, or at least you were acting like you didn't. "Nevermind, I remember it was addressed in that one book." You pretend to look around for it, "Oh right, it's in my backpack." Your backpack, which just so happens to be on the chair next to him, has him quickly going for it. "Here, I'll-" "No it's okay, I got it." He sits back down in defeat and watches as you lean over him, reaching for your backpack. He feels you accidentally rub against him in the process, making him bite his lip quickly to avoid making a sound. When you finally grab your backpack, which felt like eternity to him, you sit back down in your chair. Pretending that nothing happened. Sohee though, was internally panicking. He's sitting in the library, helping the person he really likes.. study, and yet he is sitting here, with a boner. This is the most pathetic he has ever felt in his entire life. So he opted to just covering it with his sweater, and he's never been so thankful for him picking a sweater 2x his size.

However, it was hard to ignore the way he would shift in his chair every 2 seconds because of how uncomfortable he felt. Plus, he liked the feeling he would get of his pants rubbing against him every time he did. "Are you okay?" You ask him, pretending to be oblivious to the mess you started, which almost angered him. "Uh huh." He responded short and quick, trying to avert your attention back onto the stacks of books you guys had but you look at him with furrowed eyebrows instead. You look at his hands, which are in his sweater pocket, helping to pull it over to cover his bulge. "What are you doing?" "Nothing!" He yells quietly, remembering you guys are still in the library. "Let me see!" You place your hand on him again, causing him to jolt. "What?" You move your hand to reach for his sweater but he quickly holds it down. "No!" He says louder than he meant to, and he takes a quick look around to make sure no one was looking. "Sohee," You whine, "It's not a big deal!" "But," his grip on his sweater loosens and his voice gets smaller, "It's embarrasing." You grab his sweater and push it up a little, revealing how hard he was. When you look up at Sohee, he's avoiding eye contact, looking everywhere but at you. When you place a hand over his growing cock, he grabs his sweater to cover it again. "Please don't do that." "Sohee," He shakes his head and sits up straight.

"There's people.." He looks around again, as if trying to prove the fact that other people were only a few feet away from you guys. "They won't know." You whisper into his ear, sending shivers down his back. "It must hurt a lot." He nods, his face bright red from embarrassment. "So please let go." The second you say that, he let his hands fall to his side, allowing you to once again lift his sweater. "Pretend you're reading or something so people don't think anything weird." He immedeatly grabs one of the books sitting on the table and starts pretending to skim it. However, he loses his focus the second your hand is placed on his bulge again. And he swears he could see stars when you started moving the palm of your hand in circles on it. His cock is so hard, you swear it could break his zipper open so using his sweater to cover, you unzip his pants and pull his cock out. "You did this on purpose.." He looks at you, his eyes soft. "What.?" You softly rub your thumb against his slit and he holds his hand above yours, hesitant on stopping you. "All the te-teasing." He softly drops the book on the table, giving up on trying to look like he was reading it. His attention fully falling on you. "Yeah," You let your thumb run against his slit again, "But you're not mad, right?" "H-how could I b-be..." He stammers over his words when your hand starts pumping him fully. Allowing him to finally feel the pleasure he's been wanting to for the past 10 minutes.

His head falls back, and he starts shifting his hips to the same pace as your hand. His teeth holding his bottom lip, failing when he lets out a small whimper only you could hear. "You're so cute," you tell him, looking at him with a smile while he's clearly struggling at keeping quiet. When he whimpers again, it's a little louder than before. "Shh, Sohee.." You stop moving your hand, "We're still in public. You don't want to be caught, do you?" "So-sorry..," He bucks his hips up into your hand, asking you to continue. "Please please please..." He almost forgot other people were around you guys, but he couldn't care. He just needs to cum, and if others are watching, then so be it. He lets out more soft pleads until you start moving your hand up and down his cock again. Adding your thumb against his tip every once in a while. His hips lifting up to fuck your hand, and you let him. Wiping off the sweat that falls from his forehead. When he notices that you stopped moving your hand again to let him fuck up into it, he takes his and forces you to move it. He's just using your hand at this point, and he feels himself get closer. "F-fuck please continue...." "Are you close?" He immedeatly responds with quick head nods, his eyes closed shut. The longer you look at him the more you wished you hadn't decided to do this in the library of all places. "You look so..." You trail off, "I really wish I could kiss you right now." When you said that, Sohee felt his heartbeat speed up at a rate he didn't know it could go. He would love to respond, or maybe even kiss you, but he just can't find the strength in him to do either one. "Shit.." He can't believe his about to cum in public, and yet just thinking about that is helping in getting him over the edge. "Y/n... Ahh.... Ah fuck.." He whispers out moans as his hips twitch, you help him ride his high. He feels his cum warm against his skin, watching as your hand comes out from under his sweater, covered in it. When he finally gets ahold of his breathing, he looks around for a tissue of some sort but when he couldn't find one, he takes your hand and cleaned it off using his sweater. He could just throw it in the wash the next time he does landurary. "Let's get out of here." Sohee stands up, adjusting himself. "Why?" You look at him confused when he starts grabbing your stuff. "It's your turn."

i hope this was good! ik these type of fics are written a certain way but i wanted to change things up a bit. 😵‍💫 - 🐠

[jolalibrary]

little cute things to remember (because it’s been a while since we’ve done this):

✨ you’re more that the notes or the followers you get: outside of the obvious, sometimes a fic is a grower (it’ll find people in time) and sometimes it’s because people are storing your work away ready to read when they need comfort. your worth isn’t attached to your numbers, it’s your storytelling, your soul and kindness. plus, if you love it, that’s one super fan—and anyone else is a bonus.

🌙 you don’t have to write X to fit in/be seen: just like we don’t eat the same meal every day, people’s interests change. what is popular changes, but what doesn’t change is what makes you happy. so, write that because that means your heart will be in it.

🌾 it’s okay to be nervous about connecting with people you admire: but I promise it’ll be worth it. work up to it, take the time you need, but I promise (from someone who is a chronic worrier and big ball of anxiety) everyone will be just as thrilled to hear from you, as you are to hear from them.

🪴 your process is your process, own it: I see people worry about not posting enough, and those who worry they post too much. your process, your writing, your blog at the end of the day, is yours. if people don’t like it, they know where the unfollow button is. you’re doing amazing, you’re doing what you want, when you want it, with the time you have. don’t let anyone take your shine.

🔑 I don’t think I can write X or Y or Z: that’s okay. you don’t have too. even if they’re wildly popular or it’s your fave character/trope to read, it’s okay if you find it overwhelming to write. but, try. even in private, even if it never makes it online and stays in a private discord with your bestie. sometimes, it’s scary to take the leap, but sometimes it’s also pretty fucking great.

🩷 for my anxious, worrying souls: sometimes, it does feel lonely. it feels like you’re shouting into a void, surrounded by people, but still on the outskirts of the convos, the chats, the places, the fandom. it’s one of two things: perspective—your brain, as wondrous as it is, is also very cruel, and twists good things into bad (like a disney forest that if you go too deep into begins to look eerie) or you just need to find your person. the one you send all your thoughts to, the one who learns all the intricacies of your life, your routine, easily. it can be hard (and intimidating) to find them, but you will. they’re out there, waiting for you as much as you are for them.

☁️ what makes fandom great is not just the works we find along the way, but the souls we find and connect to. fandom is about supporting art, sharing, loving, enjoying, but it’s also about having fun, being in a space you can curate that makes you smile, and doing so with people who get you, who understand why you love that movie (even if it’s not rated that great) and love you for it all the same.

🫂 do what’s best for you: you don’t want to tackle that fic now, that’s okay. you want to change fandoms, that’s okay. you want to take a break and come back. you want to be around, connecting but not writing for a while, that’s super cool. you want to press pause, hide, lurk for a moment, you do you bby. ignore that pressure you feel on your shoulders, it’s not real. those who love your work, your words, your style, your heart will be here. there’s only one you, and if you burn out at both ends, all you’ll be given is a version of you that you’ll look back on and not like to be reminded of.

lots of love,

jo (undercoverpena) 💕

[crusty-chronicles]

hii! after reading ur moon and son halloween special, it got me thinking ab kurapika and yn. if its not too much to ask, could you do a small special where kurapika figures out why yn hates their clan? it could be a drabble, short chapter, hcs, whatever youd like to write, i was js super curious for what kurapikas reaction would be

love ur writing 🩷🩵

I'm gonna start this off with a minor spoiler warning for the end chapters of Moon and Sun. Nothing too big so don't worry.

Okay, we Good? There's only four people who really know about what happened with Y/n and their clan. Gon, Killua, Kite, and Ging. The first three are for obvious reasons. Now the only reason Ging knows is because he's got a part to play in future chapters, which I will not be disclosing at this time. That being said, what Kurapika knows/ learns about is a very watered down version of events. Below is a oneshot of how he finds out and reacts.

The Difference Between You and I

⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️

It was ironic, really, when you looked back on what happened a few days ago. You didn't think you had it in you anymore to dislike someone so much. Especially since he was one of the boys' closest friends.

You wanted your first meeting to be friendly, even if a part of you was still bitter he hadn't bothered to see Gon at the hospital. You'd hoped to get along with him as well as you did with Leorio.

 But opposites attract you suppose.

The two of them couldn't have been any more different from each other. Leorio was a stubborn loudmouth depending on who he interacted with. Acting purely on impulse most of the time. Yet despite that, he had a heart of gold from what you could tell.

Treating Gon and Killua with as much care as you did. Wanting to be a doctor in order to help those who couldn't afford proper medical care. Hell, he was even currently helping you with your ‘condition.’

Kurapika, on the other hand, was quiet and reserved. At least from what the boys had told you. Though you noticed he also seemed distant. Rarely ever picking up his phone and even rarer were the times he'd actually show up in person.

But you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. 

If the boys loved him, how bad could he really be? 

And if Leorio was dating him, then surely he had some redeeming qualities.

Well turns out fate had a funny way of playing things out. Irony at its best. 

—----------------------

You'd arrived in York New about the same time as the boys. Having come for your ‘usual’ checkup. Something you blamed on that damn cat along with yourself. 

You'd agreed beforehand to meet up right after for lunch. The three of you communicating through a small group chat. Although you were still struggling with the newer technology. Not yet used to actually having a phone. But you digress.

It was during Leorio's final evaluation that you were made aware of the blonde’s presence.

“You getting anything?” He asked.

You shook your head, unable to focus your eyes. Six months and your nen was still shot. What a pain.

“Don't push yourself. Remember, we still have a few treatments to test out. You're not out of luck just yet.”

“I know. I just kinda want the process to be over already, you know? Get things back to normal.” Well, as normal as you could be.

Leorio was about to respond before a ‘ding’ from his phone went off. He gave an apologetic look as he checked what it was. 

Although he knew you didn't mind, he still wanted to be professional. This was his job and he took pride in it. Despite his nonchalant demeanor.

“Woah! Kurapika's in town!”

“Kurapika?” The one who usually ignores all his calls? The one who put revenge before his dying friend? But you thought better than to say that out loud. Instead you settled on-

“He's…blonde, right?”

Leorio looked up at you with a bewildered expression. Out of all the things you could say, it was that. It was almost enough to make him laugh.

“Yes? You know, you've got an odd way of remembering people.”

“But I'm not wrong, am I? You gonna see him after this?” You asked with a teasing smirk.

“Yeah. It's been a while. I think the boys would be happy to see him too.” He gestured to the three kids that sat waiting outside of your room.

Two of which were now excitedly staring at their phones. The third sleeping contently on her brother's shoulder.

“You should meet him too.” Leorio suggested.

And although you appreciated the offer, it didn't feel right for you to tag along. You didn't want things to potentially be awkward. Plus, you weren't the best with new people.

“I don't wanna intrude. I'd rather the four of you catch up. Like old times. Well maybe not the four of you if Alluka has anything to say about it.” Already knowing the small girl went everywhere Killua did. 

“You'd really do that. I know it's been months since you spent time with the boys.”

“Yeah but it's been a year since they even heard from Kurapika. Besides, I'll meet him when I pick the boys up. I'm here for three more days after all. And then~you and Kurapika could spend some time by yourselves.”

His face flushed a bright red at the insinuation. Playfully shoving your head to the side.

“About time you paid me back for all the times I watched the boys for you.”

—-----------------------

The two of you finished up, with Leorio briefly leaving to request his break. The kids wasted no time rushing you once you exited the room.

“Any luck this time?” Gon asked.

“Sadly, no. But there's always next time, right?” You tried to reassure. But he didn't look all that convinced. 

“If it doesn't work out, you know you can always ask Nanika to-” Killua started to offer, but you stopped him before he could finish.

“It's fine if I can't get it back. I'll just have to get used to being a normie. Unless, you've got a problem with normies?” Your tone was teasing as you ruffled the small assassin's hair. 

Your attention was redirected towards a pull on your sleeve.

“I don't mind helping Big Sib,” Alluka assured.

“I mind. I'll be okay so don't worry about it…In other news, I heard one of your friends just got here.” You quickly changed the subject. Not wanting to bring down the mood. You wanted today to be a good day.

And judging by the way both boys beamed up at you, it would be.

“Yeah! Kurapika's gonna be here for a few days! I hope you don't mind if he comes with us today.” Gon explained.

You could never really say no to that kid, even if you had already planned to give the duo space today. You returned his cheerful grin with one of your own.

“Course not. To be honest, I was gonna let the four of you reconnect in peace.”

“Peace? You make it sound like we're embarrassed of you,” Killua mumbled.

“What was that?”

“I said, ‘Four of us? What about my sister?’” he quickly covered. Though he could tell you heard what he said first. But you'd let him off the hook this time.

For now.

“Why don't I take her shopping while you guys catch up?”

“Shopping? You can afford that now?” His tone was playful, but there was a genuine hint of concern somewhere in there.

“Hey!” You scolded, about to come up with a retort before Gon stepped in.

“Yeah! They're working with Kite and his team. It's why they travel so much now.”

At the mention of the former silver haired hunter, Killua's expression soured.

“Sibling stealer.”

At that, you pinched his cheek.

“Har har. You mad at him because we're dating now or because Alluka occasionally calls him dad?”

He covered his ears, face slightly red from embarrassment as he tugged Gon away. Not bothering to wait for Leorio.

“We’re leaving now! Have her back by six!”

—-------------

Safe to say, they were overjoyed to see Kurapika again. Both boys eagerly questioning him about his new Zodiac status, while Leorio reminded them not to overwhelm him with questions.

Kurapika was glad to back, if only for a brief moment. He truly did miss them, but his mission always came first. He'd already made tremendous progress recovering his clan’s eyes. His new Zodiac status aiding in his endeavors.

But through pursuing his goal, he'd evidently missed out on a lot with his friends and partner. 

The boys were 13 going on 14 now. Gon had achieved his own goal and met Ging. Traveling with him up until a month ago.

Killua had managed to finally get away from his family, bringing his little sister with him. The two of them also traveling around. Which begs the question, where was she currently?

Leorio had become a doctor, having just been promoted to a zodiac after the election. Which Kurapika did watch, very much proud of how far he got.

Yes, so much had changed.

He supposed it was bittersweet in a way. The three of them already shooting for a new goal while he was still trying to complete his. 

But he truly was grateful for the time he spent with them today. That he was still considered important to them despite his distance. He made a mental note to try harder once he left.

It wasn't before very long that Leorio had to return to work. His break over too soon for the blonde's liking. 

So with a smooch on his cheek and a ‘ewww!’ from the boys, Leorio was off. Leaving Kurapika with the duo. 

Now while you were aware of Kurapika, he had no idea of your existence until the boys mentioned you in passing.

—-----------------------

A desert of some kind sat in front of them.

“Y/n would for sure love this. Do you think we should take them some?” Killua asked, the question directed towards Gon.

“They’ll be upset if we don't. And you know what that means.” Gon responded.

“They won't carry us for a week. You think we're getting too old for that?” But before their conversation could continue, Kurapika spoke up. Curious about the new name they mentioned.

“Y/n?”

Both boys looked up at him surprised before remembering the two of you had never met.

“Y/n’s the person that’s been taking care of us since Greed Island. They're our big sibling,” Gon proudly announced while Killua nodded along.

You seemed to be very close to them.

“Right now they're with Alluka. They wanted to give the four of us a chance to catch up.” Killua added.

That explained why his sister wasn't here. And if Killua trusted you with her, then you must've been reliable too.

A good person.

“Tell me more about them.”

—-----------------------

Truthfully, all odds pointed at the two of you getting along. You were cut from the same cloth, so to speak. Both coming from strong clans. Both losing them during your childhood.

Your lazy demeanor would have paired nicely with his quiet one. You always were more comfortable around less energetic people. 

His analytical skills were on par with yours. A strong head on both of your shoulders. 

Even if you were still upset with Kurapika, the two boys knew you'd get along with him in time. Sure you'd probably chew him out for not answering his phone, but you'd warm up to him nevertheless.

So what was it exactly that put you at odds with each other?

The catalyst that sparked endless animosity between you?

Well, it just so happened to be the subject of your clan that started it.

It was an accident, truly. Gon didn't mean for it to slip out. He just got so excited telling Kurapika about you that he forgot some details weren't meant to be shared.

“You know, I'm kinda glad Nanika erased their memories. Y/n is a lot happier now that they're clan isn't looking for them anymore. They weren't good people to begin with so don't feel too bad about it.”

Gon had been explaining before slapping a hand over his mouth. Him and Killua looking at each other with wide eyes. Gazes briefly glancing over towards Kurapika for his reaction.

They knew he could be touchy with the subject. Watching him carefully to see if his eyes changed. Instead, they were met with a suspicious stare. Not exactly positive, but not really negative either.

“What do mean their clan isn't looking for them anymore? Did something happen between them?”

Because Kurapika, for the life of him, couldn't fathom a family giving up on one of their own. But the subject wasn't as black and white as he suspected.

“We're not really supposed to say. It's not like they told us not to tell anyone, but it's their privacy. You know?” Gon informed.

Not only was it your business, but it was also something you trusted the two of them with. And he was the last person who should be spilling your secrets.

The two boys once again eyed each other. You wouldn't be mad if they told Kurapika. So long as he didn't bring it up directly to you.

Besides, the chain user would just ask you in person if he didn't get an answer. He was direct by nature. Something you would respect, but not if it concerned your ‘family.’

So what was the worse outcome?

They say nothing and Kurapika asks you directly about it. Or he finds out another way.

The second option: they partially explain the situation. Not getting into too much detail, but enough to satisfy their friend’s curiosity.

“If it's not something you want to discuss, then I won't-” but Killua stopped him from finishing his sentence.

“If we tell you, you have to promise you won't say we told you anything. Got it?” 

It wasn't that they were wary of their friend, god no. They just didn't want the two of you butting heads in the future. 

Kurapika gave a small nod.

“Y/n doesn't get along well with their clan. They haven't since they were a little kid. They just don't feel comfortable or safe around them anymore.” Gon started.

“Why?”

“They sorta had a disagreement with them. And that's putting it very lightly. An argument about how things were being done. And how their practices were wrong. That's all we can really say.” Killua continued.

The rest would have to come directly from you. If you ever got around to trusting Kurapika. Something that sadly wouldn't come to fruition.

“So they're estranged from their clan because of a disagreement?” And for whatever reason, that made Kurapika upset.

Your clan was alive and healthy. They'd been looking for you. And here you were being petty. Avoiding them because of it.

When all his people were slaughtered like nothing. Never even having the chance to say goodbye. 

He wanted to think there was more to it. That there was something big the boys weren't telling him. And there was, but he'd never get to learn about what it was.

How similar your grief was to his with him losing Pairo and you losing Kari.

The rest of the afternoon felt tense. Kurapika tried not to show his discomfort, but both boys could tell anyways. Seems the two of you wouldn't get along after all.

It was only a matter of time before you went to get them. Alluka trailing happily behind you with an ice cream cone as you struggled with her bags. Most of which were toys. 

Both boys quickly grabbed a few from you to lighten the load. Your eyes drifting over to the blonde behind them.

So that was Kurapika.

“Alluka! You can't just make them carry everything. Next time help.” Killua scolded.

Said girl, looked up at her big brother with a pout. 

“I did. Mama/Papa said no.”

Her answer prompted a small glare from him. This time directed at you.

“You have her spoiled.”

“You’re just jealous I don't baby you anymore.” You retorted.

“I think it's because Alluka's a girl.” Gon added as he took another bag from you.

“She's not just a girl. She's a princess!” You lightly pinched her cheeks, causing her to let out a squeal.

You looked up to see their blonde friend standing awkwardly away. Perhaps not wanting to interrupt the four of you. 

“You gonna introduce me to your friend?” 

At the sound of your voice he straightened up. Both boys urging you towards him.

“Y/n, this is Kurapika. Kurapika, Y/n.”

It was a brief introduction. Well, you supposed it was time for you to plaster on a smile and try to befriend him. Hopefully things would go well.

“Hi. So you're the infamous Kurapika? Glad you could make a special guest appearance today. I hope the boys weren't too much.” 

You extended your hand in greeting. Wishing you could focus your eyes on him to get a proper read of what he was feeling. He reciprocated your handshake with less enthusiasm than you were expecting.

To be fair, he probably just found out about you.

“Likewise. It's a pleasure to meet the person who they've been talking my ear off about for the last two hours. Apologies for interrupting your time together.”

He was surprisingly polite. Honestly, you were expecting him to be somewhat rowdy like the rest of their friends. Not that you minded.

You needed another levelheaded friend to talk to. And if you were correct, he was about two years younger than you. 

But then things quickly started going downhill.

“My intel tells me you come from a clan like me? Do I have that right?” He asked, unawares that was not the right thing to say. Despite his intention to strike up a friendly conversation.

“Intel?” Your tone was panicked.

 The mere mention of your past life enough to make you spiral. Something both boys could tell was happening from the way you stiffened.

“Uh Kurapika. Maybe now's not the-” Gon tried, but it was too late.

“I don't belong to any clan. I never did, so don't you ever bring it up again.” Ice.

Your demeanor was cold, an indication that you were mad. Though you tried to calm yourself. Maybe he didn't know not to ask that.

He couldn't have known.

You just didn't want to talk about it with anyone. Especially not a stranger you just met. 

“Damn. I knew we shouldn't have told him.” Killua said, already knowing where this conversation was heading. He quickly covered Alluka's ears.

“I don't understand why you're so upset about it. Could the disagreement you had really be that irksome to you.” The blonde's tone dismissive. 

The thing that inevitably set you off.

Irksome.

Like they didn't just try to kill you half a year ago. Like they didn't murder your sister right in front of you. Like they didn't turn your best friend against you.

“I said drop it. It's none of your business. But you know what should've been, since you're so keen on family.”

“Y/n don't-” Gon tried once more, tugging on your arm to get you attention.

“Checking up on your friends every once in a while. Do you even know about what happened to these two?”

“Guys,” Killua warned.

“Of course I know. You think I'm an idiot not to know about the Chimera Ant situation?” Kurapika's voice increasing in volume to match yours.

“Yeah? You know about Illumi hunting down Killua and his sister while his family watched? About the two of them almost being killed to better their psycho family's power? You know about Gon being hospitalized? About how nothing short of a miracle saved his life? You know about all that?”

Judging by the shocked expression on his face, he didn't know. He glanced over to the two boys to verify. And when they looked down to avoid his eyes, he knew you weren't lying.

He hadn't been a very good friend, had he?

“Didn't think so. So next time you think I owe you anything, think about how you've never given anyone anything. I don't owe you shit. I don't owe you an explanation and I sure as hell don't owe you my time!” 

Was it a petty argument that got way out of hand?

Absolutely.

The truth is, if you could get past your one difference, the two of you would see you have a lot in common. Might've even become good friends.

 But you can never trust someone who takes the people they care about for granted. Who had the opportunity to support their friend on their deathbed instead of chasing after shadows of the past. Who only lets anger and hatred guide their actions.

And Kurapika could never befriend someone who doesn't understand how good they have it. Who still has the opportunity to see their family instead of their corpses. And maybe he's envious of the fact. He'd give anything to spend five minutes with his clan while you can't even bare thinking about them for five seconds.

And while you two disliked each other, you'd just have to learn to tolerate the other for the sake of your friends.

—-------------

MASTERLIST

An: I didn't know if I should add tags to this one because technically it's not apart of our main story. More like an expansion on the lore, if you can even call it that. Now, I love Kurapika, I really do. But I feel like our insert from Moon and Sun would absolutely despise him. On the bright side, I should be able to start uploading a little more frequently now. Might even get back to weekly updates. We'll see~

[indiaalphawhiskey]

In 2014 zarah5 was everyone's favourite author and I still remember the excitement felt by tumblr larries at that time because we were able to read on her thought process about her current fics, how she got inspirations for new fics etc etc.

I can't help but think that you are our zarah5 now. You are such an incredible writer that you've developed your own little fandom here who will readily clear our schedule just to read your amazing writing.

Darling, thank you. Thank you so much. I’m just… so, so speechless.

I’ve been working hard to learn to accept compliments with grace, because I feel like that’s part of maturing with grace, but this one feels extra overwhelming because zarah5 was the author that made me want to write. PMU was my italicized Oh! - Oh! This is what I want to do! Oh! This is who I want to be to someone!

I’m all in my feelings now. 🥹🥹🥹

Thank you so much. I feel like i should say something more, or like diffuse the spotlight or something, but if it’s okay, I’m gonna take you at your word and take this to heart and not do anything to diminish the way it feels to receive this, as boastful as that may come off.

Thank you. 🩷

(I also received this while writing, which makes it extra special.)

[juminies]

Jumin with autistic mc. Thats all.

I agree. not that I am at all biased 🩷 I have talked about it some before but it could be really lovely for both parties.

I think it would be strangely good for Jumin in terms of self discovery. he would do lots of research. ask lots of questions. find out more about himself in the process.

when he learns more about your specific needs he'd be very accommodating, making sure to check in when he senses things might be getting too overwhelming for you. he knows what it's like. then when he realises how comfortable he can feel around you when you accommodate for him in return without judgement or confusion? when you not only accept but know the way that he thinks and don't look down on him because of it? when he discovers that the two of you understand and navigate the world in a very similar way? it could really be a big thing for him. from childhood Jumin was made to feel like there was something fundamentally wrong with him, even by his own mother, and I think in being with someone autistic he would learn to be more attentive to his own needs too. it's not that he can't cope otherwise, but when you're there with him—for him—he feels more as though it's okay to escape for a while.

he would also absolutely indulge you in things related to your special interest(s) often. trips, gifts, even just being genuinely curious and wanting to find out about it from you. he loves knowledge and learning so he would adore having you teach him about something you're passionate about, even in passing. you'd learn about his special interests in return too, of course. after being with him for a while you end up surprisingly well versed in wines purely through osmosis of listening to him talk about them.

I also think you would be likely to naturally mesh well in terms of communication style (and humour) longer term. it would be beneficial for both of you to have each other favour directness and specifics, and allow space to discuss and negotiate openly from the beginning. Jumin would be very appreciative of that. he'd also definitely appreciate having someone around who is meticulous and cares for rules, structure, and planning in a similar way that he does. it means less unexpected changes that throw off his schedule and subsequently his mood. settling into a steady routine that both him and the person he loves most in the world value would bring him a lot of peace of mind.

of course not everything would be perfect all the time, but I find that there is often a level of understanding and straightforwardness between autistic people that can make things a lot easier to navigate, and it would be very sweet for Jumin to have that for the first time, especially in the person dearest to him :-)

[crystallizsch]

hiiiii hello!! 8 & 19 for the artist ask game mayhaps? 🩷

- Algy

ask game!

8. How would you describe your art style?

“fuck it we ball 💪”

HFHDJD okay for a more serious answer;;

this one’s interesting bc it’s definitely anime-inspired but i don’t want to call it an “anime” style per se???

my style kind of comes from a lot of places and it doesn’t help that the way i draw fluctuates because im indecisive on parts of the drawing process

so my style right now (at least what i put out here on tumblr dot com) is just “fuck around and find out”

but!! if i was to describe my “rendered” pieces, i’d say “clean and simple”?? bc if i dont feel like doing details i like to simplify things but still look recognizable

(sometimes hair and face are exceptions 😤)

19. What's your biggest insecurity when it comes to your artwork?

COMING FOR MY THROAT HUH - nah jkjk i’d love to answer this 🫶

it’s body type and same face syndrome 🧍 or just drawing characters the same way in general ;;

that’s why i try to mess around with different eye/nose/face shapes and ESPECIALLY body shapes bc i do tend to draw just particular types ;;

and if not that it’s the way my art style fluctuates 😭 like going back to the last question, i really just do “fuck around and find out”

i am lowkey just learning the rules as i go 👍 im not immune to comparing myself to artists who look like they know what they’re doing + know the actual rules

(also when i say rules, i mean the technical stuff like anatomy; there are actual art rules that help you improve and there are art “rules” that kind of just dictate your fun of creating which i am not a huge fan of)

[daeyumi]

How would you recommend people practice digital art? Your work is beautiful and I'm curious what journey brought you to this point <3

Ooh this is a good one- okay so imo, the most important thing is to practice by drawing/painting things u enjoy. If you’re drawing something you love, that automatically makes it easier to want to keep doing it & improving.

As far as the technical side of it goes, I’d say experiment & try a bunch of different processes to find what works for you. There’s obviously tons of different tutorials out there from people who have wildly varying art processes and I think it’s important to try many different ways of doing digital art, because the possibilities are quite literally endless.

Personally I recommend doing studies of game screenshots or even other artists’ work that you admire, in order to help understand how people use color, value, shade, etc. (I used BotW screenshots for studies personally early on, because I really admire the game’s color scheme and it helped me get a much better grasp on how I wanted to use color in my own work, especially as it pertains to environments & landscapes.) I also personally find studies to be a lot more productive than watching tutorials, because it allows me to go at my own pace and just observe- but obviously everyone has a different learning process so what works for me may not work for everyone.

And don’t be afraid to use the resources that are unique to digital art! Things like filters, HSB adjustments, curves/levels, even just different brushes can all help you get your art looking the way you want. Personally, procreate’s “color balance” options are my best friend- I use that option a ton even still, especially when I’m planning out my color schemes.

I’d also say, more as a general art tip than something specific to digital art- if you have an idea of something you want to draw or paint, but you don’t think you know how to do it or don’t think you have the skills to draw it yet— do it anyways!! Look up all the references you can, see how other people made a similar piece, and just draw yours anyways! You’ll learn a lot more by stepping out of your comfort zone and just going for it then you will by “waiting until you’re ready”. And if you don’t end up being happy with the finished piece, you can ALWAYS redo it later— just because you’ve drawn something once doesn’t mean that you’re never allowed to revisit that concept.

Overall I’d just say, experiment, play around & have fun! Find what you enjoy and it will make creating your art a lot more fulfilling.

I hope this is helpful somewhat! 🩷

[nenelonomh]

Hey, I hope your doing okay🩷

I need some advice on how to get over a friend and become my own person. I miss them a lot but things have changed but as much as I try to forget about them, they just keep appearing in my mind and real life.

It’s so exhausting, I could never hate them but I need to grow as my own person now

hello, love~

i'm doing well! i can definitely relate to your ask. it's something i was struggling with even just this month, since i moved schools.

i'm not going to claim to know all the answers. that would be silly. instead, let me walk you through the steps i would (and have) take.

it's great that you've recognised that you need to distance yourself,, that is a HUGE first step. you must remember that nobody but yourself is forever. this is a positive thing! if people remained by your side forever, it would be difficult to grow and change.

even though you guys don't have any bad blood (i assume), you may want to consider blocking them on socials. this will prevent them from reaching out to you. if you have shared friends that pester you about your decision or paint you in a negative light, they are not your friends.

as for becoming your own person, take up some hobbies! look into clubs and sports groups nearby! if you have shared hobbies with this person, start to frequent them less and/or move to a different team/club. this way you can focus on yourself. also, you'll be able to meet new people, who better align with you now.

it might take a long time to forget them, but growing is a process. try and take something from the relationship (a lesson or learning experience) and use it to live your life in a better way.

i hope this helped, and i wish you luck on your journey.

❤️nene

[naramdil]

Dearest hafsa,

I had reached out to you back in February of this year anonymously about my relationship and how unsettled i felt.

Well, I had my last conversation with him yesterday and I’m left with so many questions. It was seemingly going well for a bit after a lot of ups and downs with us. But He pretty much was not communicating with me regularly recently and it made me really anxious + unimportant. He basically said that he’s going through a lot mentally and falls off the face of the earth occasionally and doesnt respond to texts or calls from people in this period. I realized i cannot accept someone who has communication issues like this. He also said he has a really bad feeling about us and was afraid he wasnt good for me at this stage of his life.. and it all hurt a lot.

I learned a lot from this man despite how things ended. He is a lot older than me so he comes with his own experiences and insight. I learned about myself, my relationship with allah, how community and family is really important. I learned so much from him the last two years I have know him and still care about him and his akhira, even if he thought he was risking my akhira by being with me. He decided to make a choice to let go, despite my opposition.

I just don’t know if I’ll be able to find a strong connection like this. It takes a lot out of me to emotionally open up to a man and i thought i was almost finally done with this process… and this time it was physical, which makes it harder for women to heal from i heard. This was my first time i was physical with him in my 30 years of abstaining. Alhamdullilah i didnt let it go that far but it was definitely physical. Now I carry this with me. I just dont know how to let a man in my life anymore. How it could ever top the connection i had with him. How will it get better than this despite the challenges we had?

I really admire you and appreciate your insight. You are also a married woman now (alhamdullilah!!!) so I reached to you because I know that you value a safe, peaceful and spiritual marriage. I definitely didnt feel at peace with him. I questioned, i sought, i overthought. But I still feel like I would rather go through that than start this whole rishta process all over again. Astaghfirallah.

I guess my question is… does it get better? Will the man Allah wrote for me not give me these mixed feelings? Do I have to get through this awful bridge to finally reach him? I love that you’re in a healthy place right now with your manz, mashallah. Would love some advice, if that is okay of course 🩷🩷🩷

I have been sitting on this because I really don't know how to answer. I want to say that yes it does get better, but you have to have faith that it will get better. but beyond having faith you have to actively choose to be better, to make better choices, to choose to be around people who make you better and make you feel better. when you find the right person it truly does feel so easy. no drama, no heartache, no questioning if you're making the right decision.

but I also think that you have to work to build trust in yourself and trust in Allah to open those doors. like you can't just want to be more healthy, you have to define what that means and implement goals to get there, right? you can't keep eating the same foods and expecting a new outcome. so it's kind of the same thing. you can't go back to the same types of people, you have to want better for yourself and actively seek better.

I hope that things look up for you and that you find fulfillment, stability, and peace 💗

[allwaswell16]

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 🩷

Ohhh, thanks for the ask, Maggie!

Okay, let's see here...I think the older the fic, the further away I get from it and can look back at it more fondly lol

Consequences (E. 78k)

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

If I Loved You Less (E, 36k)

Beautiful omega Louis Tomlinson is set to make his come out in London society and determined to find a mate in his first Season. With the help and protection of his oldest friend, Lord Niall Mendes, he takes Society by storm.

Being a wealthy and titled alpha means Lord Harry Styles has grown used to avoiding unmated omegas...until now. This Season he finds himself at every Society event just for a chance to speak with the omega with the flashing blue eyes.

Louis has the aristocracy at his feet and all the suitors he could hope for, but his secrets may ruin his chance at a love match.

When the Sun Won't Let You Sleep (E, 30k)

Four years ago, Louis Tomlinson left the UK to live on an Antarctic research station for reasons best left in the past. He’s carved out a life for himself on the ice and has dedicated himself to his research, his friends, and especially the Halley VI research station. He’s less than thrilled when he learns that Harry Styles, a glaciologist from another base who once broke his heart, will be coming to Halley, and he’s definitely unprepared for the upheaval Harry brings with him.

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) (E, 17k)

There’s never been anyone for Harry but Louis. He had always thought their love would last forever, despite society’s pressures on an alpha/alpha relationship. When Louis breaks up with him and moves to Chicago, he’s suddenly left behind to pick up the pieces of the life they once shared. Instead of moving on, he finds reasons to keep Louis in his life and in the process begins to piece together what went wrong.

Or an Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry au where they get a second chance to make things right with the love of their life.

Looking Through You (E, 41k)

Just as Louis and Liam were starting out in the music industry, writing and producing for up and coming artists, a fateful meeting with new pop singer Harry Styles changes everything. Four years later, just as Harry is set to embark on his next world tour, a drunken confession causes a rift between once inseparable friends. As Harry tries to make sense of his feelings for Louis, he begins writing his next album to express them as it may be the only way to break through the walls that Louis has built between them.

[serafiel-jacobs]

Blossoming Conflict (Fanfic)

New chapter from my main series 🩷

“Son, can we talk for a moment?” Geppetto entered his son’s room.

Pinocchio sat down on his bed, expecting to get scolded again, “Father I’m sorry” he still felt embarrassed about what happened yesterday.

“It’s okay, I understand that, but that’s not what I want to talk about with you” Geppetto sat down next to his son. “I know that you have been feeling upset because of the way others talk about you”

Pinocchio looks at Gemini who is sitting on the little couch of his little home, he could tell that his friend told his father about it, but he wasn’t mad, actually, it was better this way because he didn’t know how to bring it up.

Geppetto took a deep breath, there are two main reasons Pinocchio gets called things like that, first is the obvious one, they don’t see his son as an equal or even a being capable of emotions, and second is that they don’t like him so they say things like that to hurt his son. There are also times when it’s both reasons and that’s even worse.

“Don’t take it to heart what others say about you, those people don’t know you and you shouldn’t let those things to heart affect your daily life” He paused, “I’m not going to pretend it’s not hurtful to hear those things because it is but the important thing is not letting that affect you”

“How are you able to not let it affect you?” Pinocchio doesn’t understand how his father, his mother, or his uncle can get insulted and not take it to heart, he knows what others say about his family, those mean things that aren’t true.

“Well because we hear insults like that all the time, eventually you get used to it”

“Isn’t that a bad thing?”

Geppetto hugs his son, he is right, it is a bad thing. It’s cruel that the reason it doesn’t affect them is because they hear rumors, gossip, and passive-aggressive remarks all the time.

“You are right son, but unfortunately that’s just how things are”

Pinocchio wants to shout that it isn’t fair, but he keeps learning that a lot of things in life aren’t fair. It still hurts, he is still upset, so he starts crying. His father does his best to comfort him.

“I can…try” He can at least try to let it bother him.

“Pinocchio it’s not something that you magically get over from day to night, it’s a process and sometimes people take it too far with the things they say, don’t hesitate to talk with me or the others when things like this upset you”

Geppetto kisses his son’s forehead.

“Now get changed because we are going out”

Pinocchio has a smile on his face, “Am I ungrounded?”

“No, we are only going out to eat breakfast because you burned the kitchen”

Oh, right.

—-

It’s going to take some time to repair the kitchen, more than it’s supposed to because like any stubborn old man Geppetto wants to fix it himself instead of paying someone to do it. But for now, it’s nice to go out and eat somewhere and have a good time as a family.

“Geppetto, Pinocchio good to see you here!” That voice, it was Venigni. They sat down together before ordering.

“Where is Pulcinella?” Pinocchio asked, it was odd not seeing them together.

“Oh, he just um, doing so work stuff for me while I went for breakfast that’s all”

“Work stuff that you forgot to do right?” Geppetto recognized that tone.

“Geppetto please don’t expose me like this in front of Pinocchio” Venigni let out a small sigh before laughing.

Then he saw Gemini who was outside of his cage, he was standing on Pinocchio’s shoulder.

“Gemini you can walk now?! Geppetto why didn’t you tell me about this? Oh the many things I can build you my friend”

“It’s just been a day since he has been able to, but Venigni it’s too much to ask”

“No no no, I insist, there is no bother at all”

Gemini is so happy, his eyes glowed even more yellow than usual, he is finally going to get that cool tram he wanted.

They had a good time but it was already time for Geppetto to go to work. He can’t accompany his son since otherwise he is going to be late.

“Son make your way straight home, remember that you are still grounded”

Pinocchio pouted he wanted to see his father’s work, “Please take me with you, I want to see you work!”

“Son you have to stay home, and work isn’t exactly a fun place”

“Please please please”

“Alright, you can come”

—-

Why did he ask to come?! This is so boring!

His father has a smile on his face, he knew that he would be bored to death in here he should have listened when his father said this wasn’t a fun place. He can’t talk with anyone because he can’t distract others, he can’t touch anything and he can’t go and wander on his own. He was stuck in his father’s office for now, making small talk here and there with Gemini, who was standing on top of his head because he wants to feel tall.

The meetings he sometimes sees his uncle Venigni give are fun, everything his father does is so boring.

His father is just taking notes and drawing some blueprints, is this what he does all day?!

“Pinocchio the “fun stuff” of my work isn’t done every day, you have to plan things before you make them”

“Can I-“

“No son, remember, no talking while I’m working”

His father was the one to talk with him first, Pinocchio is so frustrated but he knows this is what he wanted so he can’t complain. At least his father gave him a small notebook and a pen so that he could doodle and not be completely bored.

Someone knocks and Geppetto lets them enter, it’s one of his coworkers, they are talking about work stuff but it’s complicated and Pinocchio doesn’t get it at all. He had no idea being an engineer was so confusing, now Pinocchio has no idea how his uncle Venigni works as an engineer and also regulates all those projects he has scattered in the city.

When that coworker stops talking he looks at Pinocchio and he feels uncomfortable.

“Mmm, Geppetto how did you build that thing?”

Pinocchio knows that he needs to not take-

“That cricket is so small, it must have been a nightmare to build, and I can tell by the glowing and its antennas that it can detect dimensional butterflies, that’s incredible”

Pinocchio took a sigh of relief… wait.

“Gemini is not a thing he is my friend”

“Aw thanks buddy” Gemini chirped, he loved how that boy stuck up for him. The two of them always have each other’s backs.

The coworker started to apologize, “I’m sorry I guess I just got too wrapped in my own head, it’s just, I’m impressed, to say the least”

“Thank you,” Geppetto said and his coworker left the room.

Geppetto knows his skills so he just thanks others when he is complimented, sometimes, like in this case, it feels a bit awkward due to the circumstances. When it came to building Gemini it was quite a hard task, he won’t reveal how he did it, like a magician he doesn’t reveal how he does his tricks.

He never answers any questions that have to do with the making of his son, no matter how much others insist on it. Although he can understand why they are intrigued, Pinocchio is special, even when he was fully a puppet he was like no puppet ever created, he is made out of incredibly resistant materials; he can sustain damage from fire, electricity, and other things that would make any puppet be destroyed so fast and, his movements too swift, too coordinated, unlike the mechanical motions of every other puppet that currently exists… Romeo also had movements like Pinocchio, Carlo wanted to be a stalker, so he made it so Romeo would be a skillful fighter, to fight alongside his son and looks wise, Romeo also looked just like a human.

But Geppetto straight-up ignores the questions by now, and many have learned not to ask him. Still, he knows how to make people shut up about it and fast, there was that time a coworker asked if his son has… anatomically correct parts.

“WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU PERVERT?!” As soon as he shouted that, it was all apologies and backtracking, he was so satisfied to have come up with that on the spot.

Pinocchio keeps doodling things to pass the time.

“Gemini stop pulling my hair!”

“I like pretending that I can control you”

Geppetto shushed both of them and they became quiet. This was going to be a long day.

—-

It was finally break time, at least Pinocchio got to talk with Venigni and Pulcinella since he was now here with them. Pulcinella is many things, he is Venigni’s butler but in a way also like his secretary, he actually gets along pretty well with the other secretaries, the girls have adopted him as one of their own, they give him all the juicy gossip that happens around the office and he politely nods and follows along with the conversation. They even painted his nails once, well, the equivalent of his nails but still, it looked pretty.

“Why is work so boring?” Pinocchio was making conversation with Pulcinella.

“When you work on something you love, it’s not boring that that person” Most of the time that is, no matter how much you love your work some things about it are bound to be boring or annoying, but he is trying to give Pinocchio words of advice.

“Do you like your work Pulcinella?” Pinocchio asked him.

“Of course I do” The fact that it makes Master Venigni happy is a bonus, a great bonus mind you but Pulcinella does enjoy all the work he does.

Pinocchio smiled, he hoped that whatever he ended up working as he liked it, but for now he still had so much to learn.

When Conrad stepped inside the break room, Geppetto instinctively grabbed his son and pulled him towards him, Pinocchio could tell that his father was being overprotective of him and he stayed behind him.

At first, it looked like the man was finally going to mind his business but then he got closer to them.

Geppetto and Venigni were ready for a passive-aggressive confrontation when suddenly…

“Omg Geppetto is that your son?” One of the younger secretaries said, “He is so adorable” She made her way towards them and grabbed his cheeks.

“Look at him! He is so cute!”

Pinocchio took a few steps back, he liked being complimented but the way she did it made him feel embarrassed.

“Um thank you I-“

“No way are you married?!” She had noticed the ring now, “What a lucky lady, to have to wake up next to your pretty blue eyes”

Pinocchio was blushing now.

The secretary being there seemed to work, Conrad moved away somewhere else, probably to be an annoyance to others. When he left the secretary dropped the act.

“Don’t worry Pulci, I gotchu”

They were confused for a moment, but it looked like Pulcinella had signaled to her for help.

“Pulcinella my beloved buddy, my greatest friend, what a fast thinker you are” Venigni complimented him.

In the end, they all had a good laugh.

Which was good, a small treat for Pinocchio because the rest of the day was even more boring than before. He couldn’t wait to finally go back home.

—-

“I see so that is your plan,” Paracelsus said, he was speaking with someone in the other line.

It’s a flawed plan in his opinion, but Paracelsus doesn’t say that, like he never told Simon the flaws of his plan. He is just an observer, he hides in the shadows and he loves to play games.

“I cannot help you, I’m still laying low” That’s only a half-truth, he is laying low and he could help but he doesn’t want to, he would rather enjoy the show.

“But I will be watching from afar, hopefully, you’ll succeed” That one is a complete lie, he hopes to see him fail, he has never liked him in the first place.

Paracelsus hung up the phone, he did have to admit that a plan like that was in fact a nice distraction to cover up their activities, shifting the public’s attention somewhere else.

A thought crossed his mind, this plan certainly would affect Pinocchio, he hadn’t seen the boy in some time, so maybe he should pay him a visit one of these days…

[vortioxetinetherapy]

09.19.24 | 13:39

Spirituality is a personal experience. The Spirit will reveal the presence of the Lord in different ways to different people. What will make sense to others might not make sense to you. And that's okay. Continue to pray. Continue to seek. The Spirit will reveal it to you in its own time - in a way that would make sense to you.

Just like how people in the spectrum needs structure would not make sense to you, who operates at the emotional level. And vice versa. That's why it is a personal experience.

And just because people can have narcissistic personality traits does not mean they will always operate on that - provided that they have allowed the Spirit to reval to them. They can overcome that as well, just as how you, with BPD, can. It's just that it's very difficult because the tendencies and the defense mechanisms you've learned have protected you, and it's hard to let go of them even when they're the ones hurting you. So at some point, you have to let go. Satan can and will use these tendencies against you. Hell, he can even God's own word against God Himself or you. So, at some point, you have to let go of these tendencies, and let yourself be vulnerable for a while, so the Spirit is able to reveal to you.

Right now, you are in the desert. And it's hot and excruciating. And there are a lot of lizards. But continue to walk. And continue to seek. This is a process you have to go through. In the end, it will be worth it. 🩷