#conversation with myself

[melmodest]

I shouldn't blame my emotional immaturity on the poor upbringing that's been given to a kid who wanted a hug, but all they got was an earful, but I do. Sometimes I feel like I've picked up callosity, drowned the empath I used to be in a puddle left by October rain, because I love fall and my birthday is in the end of October, my birthday is a notorious date to celebrate, when it comes I cry. I stopped waiting impatiently for my birthday, when I was 14 or was it 13, or earlier? I don't remember now, but wishes lost their meaning and I quit believing, magic is something I love to dream of, I wanted to be a witch like Sabrina, but fantasies are luxuries I can't have. They never come true. I've long learned if you want to get something, you have to earn it. You have to endure. You have to bruise, bleed and sell your soul – better on sale to be a more appealing offer on the market of neverending, tiresome, man eating conveyor creating obedients, too traumatized by reality to keep climbing higher, residing in the order of things. The flawed ones are those who couldn't eradicate their courage and strength to break outside voicing their desires loud, because they have been storing some magic inside their pockets all this time, refusing to give wizardry up. Because they grew up, but kept the kid they once were close to the heart. Because they don't blame their poor upbringing for being a jerk to the kid. Because they learned that the key to keep on living is to accept the endless reeling and move on.

Or, maybe, I should ask them for their therapist's number.

.

@literaryvein-reblogs “callosity” was on my mind since the first time I saw word list (and that was a very long time ago, tbh), just clicked with me, I guess. I couldn't find the right place for it for awhile now, until I did. or I didn't. nevertheless, what a wonderful word.

[blabbershere]

"I hope we never meet again," I said, my voice barely steady to Anxiety.

Anxiety, ever present, let out a quiet laugh, the kind that sends a shiver through your bones. "One can hope for sure," it whispered, leaning in close. "But that's all you can do."

— Conversations with Anxiety

[elliesself]

Conversations with myself

Often sound boring

To someone else

It’s mostly a longing

For the new and unknown

While refusing to move

From the comfort I own

In my cluttered bedroom

My busy little phone

And the endless scroll

With the hopes of finding something

That will keep me from feeling

Small and alone

For long enough

To let myself restart the conversation

In a happier tone

[lightpost]

That's the thing he never left me

I don't know if I left him either. we didn't leave each other I just didn't know what to do in that moment of what the fuck did I just feel

did I just feel a voice and it gave me a out of body experience that's way fucking better than LSD or Mushrooms or falling into the very pits of hell and seeing demons in every face

what the hell my life went from living on three paychecks to thinking I got it covered to I'll be alright to what the fuck just happened

he never came back cause my life got better for him to come back

he doesn't even know

would he want me after all these years

12 years of not knowing

what does that to a person?

yeah.

“You don’t deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.”

— Unknown

[mohaiminul978]

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[pinaple]

Me: I should change the gender of the two main characters in my story.

The Salamandridae Clinging To The Upper Left Hand Side Of My Brain: No you should not. Do you know how much you’d have to change?

- Yes, I do. Not much at all. One of them is barely developed and neither of their genders have any relevance to the story.

- You’ll have to rename them.

- They don’t even have names yet! They have placeholders, and they’re some of the most basic names you could think of.

- Yes but you’ll have to redesign how you’re imagining them in your head.

- Yeah that’s kind of the reason I want to change it. I find the gender I selected for them the hardest to draw and design for.

- Alright fine. But it will ruin the vibes of that one scene with the dress.

- that’s a good point. I mean we could make that one gender fluid. I think we were going to do that anyway but forgot.

- well then there are no binary men in the main character group.

- So?

- Well it’s not very diverse now is it.

- well it is, in fact equally so as before we had female, non-binary and male and if we change it we’ll have female, no binary and gender fluid. Besides, we have disability, different classes, morals and beliefs, lots of autism because I don’t know how not to write autism, lots of trauma, diverse family types, diverse societal backgrounds. It’s very diverse still, and besides, almost if not all of my other stories have male leads, this makes it diverse among my story collection, not just within the one story.

- Well it doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll just do what you want anyway.

- I’ll try, but you’re the one clinging to my brain. I have to convince you to let me.

[scars-bleeding-galaxies]

I hate this....

I hate you...

I just want to be safe..

And can't ever be...

Because of you..

And because I'm so weak...

And i hate this so much....

And I hate you for getting me here.....

[v-tired-queer]

Middle of the night internal conversation with myself about my gender ~again~

Brain: So we have established that you are, in fact, demiflux

Me: Yes

Brain: And we are absolutely confident in that fact

Me: As far as I'm aware, yes--

Brain: I have some news

Me: . . . ?

Brain: Pretty sure your base gender is actually male, but you learned about your demiflux identity on a very feminine day

Me: . . . I need evidence

Brain: No matter how you feel gender wise at any given moment, you literally go into a deep depression at not having been born male

Me: True . . .

Brain: When you think of wearing skirts and dresses, the only way you're fully comfortable with it is if you present as mostly androgynous with a male lean

Me: Yeah, you got me there

Brain: The feminine feelings that you experience come and go in waves that vary in intensity and that's usually the trigger for these late night moments

Me: Yeah okay also true . . . but I worry about using too many labels. And I worry about being wrong. Like, why does this have to be so complicated?

Brain: There's not a right or wrong way to be yourself. You get worried about using "too many" labels to define yourself, but people are complex, and it's okay for the lables that you feel best describe you to reflect that. You can use as many or as few as you need to. You can use none, one, five or ten--as long as at the end of the day you feel comfortable and represented, then it's okay

Me: Yeah . . . I'm transmasc and demiflux, with my base gender being male--I experience feminine genders in varying degrees of intensity, but at the base of who I am, I'm always a boy.

Brain: And?

Me: And that's okay 🩷

Brain: And that's okay 🩷

Me: . . . we're not gonna spontaneously review my sexual and romantic orientations tonight too, are we?

Brain: Dear God no, ain't nobody got time for that. Go to bed

[theoldaeroplane]

worried that thing you put in your art or writing or game or music is too self-indulgent, too self-referential, too niche for anyone but yourself? fear not! you can do whatever you want forever. and you should.

[heavyheavycream]

feedist kinktober 27 : boozy belly

this was one of the first things i wrote about em. i'm not the best at writing dialogues so i hope it's not to clunky, enjoy!

[melmodest]

THE ONE THING LEFT TO SAY

I'm gonna say something cliché,

but time flies too fast.

I'm yet to write about time

Through the prism of my eyes.

Am I really getting old?

I turned 26 just recently,

a quarter plus one of a hundred

a human presumably has in their store.

It’s been eight years now

Since my home became a blurry dot,

I found home in a new place

I was so reluctant to go before.

And, honestly,

I ain't bothered by numbers,

They’re just that – numbers,

but I am concerned about time

I have left to spend to love –

even hundred lifespans aren't enough

to love the world I've created

with the help of wonders befriended.

Time walks past and never minds

even one tiny peek at the past

like I do each time I sin,

opening the door for ennui to enter,

I've heard I'm a very good host,

not bad at guesting.

I confess I sin more often

even without my spirits sinking,

because my time is a little gold fish

has this tendency

to undermine my coiling bliss,

provoking my brain to make a remake

under a “Back to the Past” name,

forgetting the present is funnier.

Who am I to question the brain?

I do, btw.

I have lots of questions

for my brain to explain,

but the main one is always the same –

what beef does my brain have with chemistry?

Chemistry was my silver subject in school.

The gold was taken by literature.

I was awestruck, now I'm stuck

with this gnawing desire to write.

Silver would've suited me better than gold.

An apple doesn't fall far from the tree,

but physics makes me disagree,

too many factors affect the trajectory

of an apple rolling away from the tree.

Too many apple species

to make such blatant assumptions

brushing away the case history.

I'm said to have stretched the distance –

an old song I've been listening to

since the reins been held by my hands.

Drawing an opaque line,

they hold a loaded gun under my pillow,

ready to shoot whoever it is,

whatever it is

crawling stealthily to shake my ground.

Time has been very nice to me,

took an eraser stealing three years

of my youth. Not that I mind that much,

an amnesia proved to be alright,

pretty helping even,

my wounds got time to crust,

I got time to press the restart button,

go on a journey and start anew.

(I keep pressing the button.)

Thank you, time.

Very considerate of you.

Honestly speaking, I cherish time.

I see time as a frenemy I look up to,

but despise as well. As time passes

I get more and more flabbergasted

by its entrapping changing stream,

or is it me who's changing?

Who’s constantly shedding skin?

One day my hair may become grey,

wrinkles adorn my skin,

I may not be an agile night owl anymore,

but a morning lark

going to bed early before midnight,

or one day I may choose my fate myself –

forever young and beautiful sounds nice.

Sorry, I stole the spotlight,

I'm too self-immersed to veer off

letting time to show off.

Time is the main character here.

It took me a week to write these lines

to try and play a serenade to time.

In the end, the one thing left to say –

Thank you, time,

for letting me stay.

.

[notbecauseofvictories]

"I am going to get a good grade in ___________, a thing that is both normal to want and possible to achieve" drifts through my brain with positively alarming regularity.

[fiannans]

No, Bioware, you don't get to try to be cute and make jokes in-game about Rook eavesdropping on the companions' conversations when you're the ones who made the (debatable) creative decision not to let us actually have a proper conversation with our companions and get to know them by asking them questions like we were able to in every previous game.

"Hahaha, Taash just called you out on eavesdropping. Look how witty and meta we are." Okay, but how else are we supposed to learn anything about our companions?

[elitisim]

The beginning of September means the beginning of spooky season; and what's more spooky than a mystery box?

WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!:

Dunno¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Could be anything. Hairs, patterns, accessories, clothes, objects; anything’s up for grabs! It’s a mystery!

[DOWNLOAD HERE]

Or if you're boring and not fun, the credits, preview pictures, links to originals, polycounts and individual download links for everything is under the cut.

Hello cowards😒.

So, let's spoil the surprise for anyone for everyone who clearly hates fun, in today's mystery box you're getting 4 clothing items, 3 female hairs, 2 male hairs, a wallpaper set and an object set.

Mystery Item 1: BACKTRACK - LOW RISE JEAN SKIRT

All credits goes to @backtrack-cc! Original here

Bottom for For YA-A Females

Categories: Everyday, Formal, Career,

5.6k Poly

Fully Recolorable - 4 Channels

4 Fully Recolorable Swatches (Plain, Stars, skull hands and y2k)

Custom Thumbnail

Enabled for Maternity, Disabled for Random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 2: GORILLAX3 - Oversized Cargo Jeans

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @gorillax3! Original here

Bottom for For YA-A Females

Categories: Everyday, Formal, Career, Outerwear

6.6k Ploys

Fully Recolorable - 4 Channels

1 Fully Recolorable Swatch + 9 Non-Recolorables

Custom Thumbnail

Enabled for Maternity, Disabled for Random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 3: Gorillax3 - Oversized Cargo Jeans w/ belt & Gorillax3 - Crop T-Shirt

GORILLAX3 - Oversized Cargo Jeans

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @gorillax3! Original here

Bottom for For YA-A Males

Categories: Everyday, Formal, Career, Outerwear

6.2k Poly

Fully Recolorable - 4 Channels

1 Fully Recolorable Swatch+ 9 Semi-Recolorables

Custom Thumbnail

All LODS and Morphs Including Maternity, Disabled for Random

Not to be confused with Gorillax3's Loose Jeans, converted by @frostedshore [HERE], they're different they just have the same belt, lol.

I hit the image limit on this post, so no previews, but swatches are exactly the same as the female oversized cargos pictured above.

[DOWNLOAD]

GORILLAX3 - Cropped T-shirt

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @gorillax3! Original here

Top for For YA-A Males

Categories: Everyday, Formal, Career, Outerwear

4.2k Poly

Fully Recolorable - 2-3 channels

12 Fully Recolorable Swatches

Custom Thumbnail

All LODS, All Morphs including Maternity, Disabled for Random

none of these are gorilla's OG swatches💔, sorry I made them for a specific sim with no real intent to share, but someone on discord asked about them when I posted pictures

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 5: SheaButtyr - Lamont Locs

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @sheabuttyr! Original here!

Hair for Teen ➤ Elder Males

19.3k Poly

2048x texture

Texture: sheabuttyr

Custom Thumbnail, All LODS, disabled for random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 6: EBONIXSIMS - OLADE LOCS

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @ebonixsims! Original here!

Hair for Teen ➤ Elder Males

VERY HIGH POLY! 30.2K!

Found Under Hats

Fully Recolorable rubber bands - 4 channels

Due to how the mesh was made, it doesn't have tip controls; only root, base and highlights.

2048x texture

Texture: ebonixsims

Custom Thumbnail, All LODS, disabled for random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 7: Simplicity - ALYSSA HAIR

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @simpliciaty-cc! Original here!

Hair for Teen ➤ Elder Females

19.8k Poly

1024x texture

Texture: simplicity

Custom Thumbnail, All LODS, disabled for random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 8: Simplicity -DIARA HAIR

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @simpliciaty-cc! Original here!

Hair for Teen ➤ Elder Females

22.9k poly

1024x texture

Texture: Simplicity

Custom Thumbnail, All LODS, disabled for random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 9: XXBLACKSIMS - CURLY BRAIDS

NOT my original work! Mesh and Texture credit to @xxblacksims! Original here!

Hair for Teen ➤ Elder Females

High Poly - 26.4k

1024x texture

Texture: xxblacksims

Custom Thumbnail, All LODS, disabled for random

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 9: @myshunosun's Bastvik Bedroom!

Low-poly meshes: all meshes are less than 1k most being under 500!

Beds sold separately: The beds are just frames, no mattress or bedding included

The beds in TS4 are much lower than ts3 beds, so I recommend a shiftable mattress

[ATS' Tiny House Duvets] and sketchbookpixel's [shiftable single] and [shiftable double mattress] are my personal favorites.

Toddler bed was made with @deniisu-sims [Base Game Toddler Mattresses] in mind.

Vanity disappears when the dresser functions of it are used, but it's fine otherwise.

Bastvik Double Bed Frame: 498 Polys| 2 channels | Found under Beds| §165 |

Bastvik Single Bed Frame: 498 Polys| 2 channels | Found under Beds| §165 |

Bastvik Toddler Bed Frame: 288 Polys| 2 channels | Found in Comfort under Beds| §165 |

Bastvik Dresser: 272 Polys | 2 channels | Found in Storage under Dressers | §198 |

Bastvik Nightstand: 136 Polys | 2 channels | Found in Surfaces under Endtables | §78 |

Bastvik Stool: 88 Polys | 2 channels | Found in Seating under Dining Chairs | §33 |

Bastvik Vanity : 611 Polys | 2 channels | Functional as Vanity |Found in Storage under Dressers| Disappears when used as Dresser but fine otherwise | §198 |

[DOWNLOAD]

Mystery Item 10: Dk-sims Mega Wall Set

NOT my original work! Texture credit to @dk-sims! Original Here!

5 walls all together

Priced at $3 each under paint category

Fully Recolorable - 2-4 Channels depending on the Wall

[DOWNLOAD]

Tagging: @pis3update, @naturalhair-sims3, @xto3conversionsfinds, @kpccfinds

[randomcoolname]

Conversation with my 15 year old self.

15: why do we look like that?

30: because you were right.

15: so.. I should end it, then?

30: so, in a few years, you won't want to.

15: sounds fake, but okay.

30: *laughing* I almost forgot what a pill I was. So hard to swallow.

15: so.. we actually are a girl?

30: lesbian with a penis specifically. Just how you feel in your bones. AND, we get to be with someone who not only gives us the strength, but also the support to be us. To live, for us.

15: but, but I don't live for me. I live for and love others.

30: you will. Everything's going to change. You're going to feel happiness again. You're going to still have thoughts of killing yourself, but you won't want to anymore. You're going to want to live a life that you love, and it's going to be worth it. I promise.

[waymond-wang]

PAST LIVES (2023) dir. Celine Song

- But why are you immigrating? Na Young's father is a film director, and you're an artist. Why would you leave all that behind? - When you leave something behind, you gain something, too.