#learning to see the valuable in the most horrible times can become a super power to fall in love with life

[growingwithem]

Before living experiences in the real world:

After living experiences in the real world

[drdemonprince]

hello hello, i am autistic with my special interests being psychology and philosophy and because I'm super into activism and social justice issues as well a lot of my conversations with friends always go in the direction of talking about trauma and classism racism ableism, all the isms and i've had trouble keeping relationships because i'm a "bummer". i don't think im necessarily being negative or trauma dumping but i'm just talking about these things that i think about all the time that interest me and they just so happen to be very sad topics. while i know that i should embrace my special interests and enjoy them however i want i also am aware that constantly talking about sad things and everything wrong in the world is emotionally taxing and draining on the people around me. do you have any advice for helping to change subjects? i've tried talking about more light hearted things but they aren't my special interests and i get bored easily...

I relate to this a lot, and it's a problem I see play out in some of my relationships. Without meaning to, we sometimes get into a mutual downward spiral of only talking about bleak things.

My suggestion is to get you and your friends together for some activities. Not a video game that you can play passively while still discussing the looming threat of climate change or that horrible self-esteem ruining thing your dad once said. Challenging, dynamic, hands-on activities that either have to be discussed while you are doing them, or that are so labor intensive that they prevent you talking in depth while engaging in them.

many Autistics tend to be indoorsy nerds and so we miss out on the genuine bonding experience that is playing on a sports team with someone, for instance. You barely have to speak but you develop a real sense of trust in and gratitude for one another and learn to read one another on an instinctual feeling non verbal level. and you feel the genuine reward of accomplishing something with support, which is something many of us are not familiar with.

I'm uncoordinated as shit, i was in special ed gym, so im not saying it has to be joining the local intramural soccer team. It can be things like building a complicated lego set, organizing records or comic books, helping someone clean out their house, developing a wiki or database of some kind for a fandom or mutual interest, tending to a garden, volunteering at a soup kitchen, visiting a museum, babysitting someone's kids, power washing the deck, going for a jog, visiting an unfamiliar nature trail and documenting the plant life, giving someone a manicure, anything that is challenging and collaborative and ideally somewhat tactile (because most of us are really damn dissociated from our bodies and from physical space).

I used to really discount any form of connection that was not rooted in the exchange of ideas and really intense personal disclosures. I thought everything else was superficial, dull, and not "real". i was so incredibly fucking wrong. i love discussing complex topics and connecting over real raw shit with people but life cannot be all or only that. and there are real, valuable, loving connections to be found in getting a team together to tear down the sets after the end of a play, learning a complicated dance routine with somebody, having someone teach you how to sew for the very first time. and then talking about it. you wont like everything you try but some of these activities will hook you enough that theyll become an interest you can make pleasant conversation about too.

[anxious-little-faicye]

CAMP UNUS ANNUS SAFETY RULES!

Rule #1 - Always remember the BS (Buddy System).

Rule #2 - When confronted by a bear (depending on the type of bear), confront it back and make lots of noises. But keep in mind, only do that for Black Bears.

Rule #3 - Bears can't get through the polyurethane of a tent. Plastic repels nature, since it's not of this world.

Rule #4 - The forest doesn't give a damn about you. Arrogance will get you nowhere.

Rule #5 - If you're stuck in a tree alone and two people happen to come across you, they are buddies. Don't just assume because another human life is nearby that they're obligated to help you.

Rule #6 - You help those in need though.

Rule #7 - Communication is key.

Rule #8 - Look, scan, observe, react, run.

How to survive a bear attack:

Rule #9 / Step Number 1 - Evaluate, determine which type of bear it is that it's attacking you.

Rule #10 - If the bear grunts twice it's a Grizzly, if it grunts three times then it's a Polar Bear.

Rule #11 - When dealing with Polar Bears, the biggest thing you want to do is make sure that you're covered head to doe, with as much armor as possible (sleeping bags work just fine).

Rule #12 / Step Number 2 - Try to maintain silence, maybe it'll go away on it's own.

Rule #13 / Step Number 3 - If step 2 fails, abandon all coverage plans, because clearly it's not going to work. However, you don't need to worry, because your tent is safe as long as the bear doesn't claim it as it's own by attracting other bears as competition.

Rule #14 - It is very important that when you go shopping for your tent (or you're finding your tent), you get one that's strong, triple layer made of the highest quality material.

Rule #15 - If the bear attacks with a gun, make sure you cover all of the important parts of your body. The smaller the target the harder it is for a bear to get you.

Rule #16 / Step Number 4 - This is an emergency step, you would never do this unless you were in a extremely dangerous situation... just run. With the help of your buddy (don't forget the buddy system!) you will roll the tent from the inside away from the bear.

Rule #17 - It's important to remember where your tent was when you pitched it.

Rule #18 - At this point the bear should be very intimidated by your skill and athleticism. It may think you and your buddy are now one large creature.

Rule #??? - RAGE, rage against the dying of the light...

Rule #19 - After all that escaping protocol, the bear should be gone by now. But in the case that it's not, just keep going rolling away in the tent.

Rule #20 - Bears are afraid of the sunlight, they can't handle it's intense heat.

Rule #21 / Step Number 5 - And finally, to escape the tent, you have to find it's weakest point and destroy it.

Rule #22 - Nature it's a dangerous place filled with evil, horrible monstrosities that are beautiful in their own way.

How to safely bury your friend:

Rule #23 - Carcasses can attract bears and other wildlife that are opportunistic scavenges.

Rule #24 - For this process you're going to need a shovel and a buddy.

Rule #25 - Don't forget the Buddy System (B.S) or you will DIE.

Rule #26 - The first thing you're going to do is search the area for a proper place for a burial. You want a place with some soft dirt, plenty of open space, and not too near to the campsite.

Rule #27 - Dig six feet down (at the least), so you can put their feet first, then head at the top.

Rule #28 - Your dead body will grow into the environment.

Author's Note: ... I don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan.

Rule #29 - B.D.S.B (Bearing Doesn't Stop Bears)

Rule #30 - You are also going to need a quality shovel that can break through. You want a sharpen blade and a good foot rest.

Rule #31 - Do not, under ANY circumstances, mention the Tactical Shovel to counselor Mark.

Rule #32 - When you're digging a grave you should bring water, remember to stay hydrated!

Rule #33 - You can only absorbe so much sweat you produce. After a while it gets unhealthy, because your body can't filter out the bad water that you produce.

Rule #34 - You piss out of your skin when you can't piss out of anywhere else. So if you drink that, but then you piss it out again, then it becomes Super Piss (and that's not good to consume). But if you drink that then it turns into Ultra Piss, which is very valuable but bad to ingest. It's also incredible dangerous because, while bees can smell fear, they can also see the vapors from the Ultra Piss. So, although rare and easy to sell to a high price, it would attract thousands of bees.

Rule #35 - B.E.C.W.U.B (Be Extra Careful With [the] Ultra B[P]iss)

Rule #36 - The forest is one of the most polluted places, you can't get a breath of fresh air.

Rule #37 - Your buddy is always a breath of fresh air. (Hey, please don't do what Mark and Ethan did on the video, COVID-19 is still a very, very real thing.)

Rule #38 - Once you are done digging the grave, lay the body on a fetal position. Remember to really support the spine.

Rule #39 - If you can, get a standing grave, it's great for the spine.

Rule #40 - You can feel more productive when you are standing.

Author's Note: ... I really, REALLY don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan. I knew that bacon tasted kinda odd-

Rule #41 - Now all that's left to do is lay your friend to rest.

Rule #42 - Now you can go ahead and say words of rememberness, a testament to their life.

Rule #43 - The truth is the nicest gift you can give anybody.

Rule #44 - If you listen closely when your friend is later rest, you can hear their soul whisper their final thoughts.

Rule #45 - Remember to hit counselor Mark with a stick for waking us up at 6 am using a pan.

Rule #46 - Team building is the most important part of being on a camp. Because you may have your buddy, but we are all a team.

Rule #47 - Trust is the very foundation of any team.

Rule #48 - At any moment your buddy can need you. You'll never know when a bear is going to strike, when a chipmunk is going to go rabid, when a raccoon is going to be sneaky. You've got to be prepared for anything. And above all, you need to be prepared to catch your buddy if they fall.

Rule #49 - When you're in the nature, you are going to be climbing on a lot of things. They may be slippery surfaces, you may be not sure of your footing. You've got to be prepared at any time to catch your buddy.

Rule #50 - The higher the fall the greater the trust. Anyone from your team could be falling at any moment, make sure to catch them.

Rule #51 - Trust counselors Mark and Ethan...?

Rule #52 - Your buddy can fall in any direction, you've got to be ready.

Rule #53 - With a trust fall you've got to trust your buddy, but you gotta trust yourself too.

Rule #54 - No better way to exhibit a team than to show your strength together (by making a human pyramid).

Rule #55 - Tug of War, classic team building from earliest man. Get a rope and you pull, but you've got to make two teams so you can compete and defeat their respective enemy (and they need to die).

Rule #56 - Don't forget, it's hot outside, so make sure you wear your sunscreen and drink plenty of water.

Rule #57 - Start in the middle (the knot needs to be in the middle), and whoever gets it to the point where the winner is obvious.... well, wins precisely.

Author's Note: UNUS! UNUS! UNUS! UN- oh, nevermind.

Rule #58 - The next most important part of team-building is sharing. Sharing with eachother is basically bonding. You learn from eachother, you have openness with eachother, and so on.

Rule #59 - The clue to win Three Legged Pace is coordination.

Rule #60 - It's always important when you go out outside to be prepared, and of course, bring water.

Rule #61 - Make sure to keep cool when you're in the wilderness, it is important for survival. And when you're done drinking water, you can play a little football with your friend using the leftover bottle.

Rule #62 - While playing Three Legged Egg Balance, remember to keep a steady "one-two" rhythm.

Rule #63 - FIRE IS NO JOKE. Don't play around with it.

Rule #64 - Knowing how to built a fire is one of the most important skills at Camp Unus Annus. With it you can cook your food, disinfect your water, clean your clothes, stay warm and call grandma.

Rule #65 - And if your grandparents are death, stare deeply into the fire until you see their face swim out of the flames.

Rule #66 - Fire is spelled F-I-R-T. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Author's Note: Wait a second, are they not Camp Counselors?-

How to built a fire:

Rule #67 / Step Number 1 - Be aware of the current threat level for forest fires. Right now it's midnight. That's B, for Be aware.

Rule #68 / Step Number 2 - Kindling. Be aware, get kindling, find perfect stick (B.A.G.K.F.P.S)

Rule #69 (nice) - Remember, if you want to start a fire get your bag of piss.

Rule #70 / Last Step - Friction. The friction of the stick (zooming around in circles) against the friction of a wooden piece creates smoke signals. The smoke signals will travel to your candling and say "Hey, catch on fire." And in response it will sometimes go "Okay" in an umberwear farm. The umbers are what leads to the fire in an it case of a FIRE. Very important.

Rule #71 - Always have a fire extinguisher (preferably water) just in case something goes wrong.

Rule #72 - Put your prefect stick on your wood base and start rubbing said stick against it.

Rule #73 - Gently blow the base after rubbing the stick, fire needs oxygen to grow.

Rule #74 - If you manage to make a hole through the base, leave the stick there and start spinning it. With the power of insertion, if you get it going fast enough, flames should ignite.

Rule #75 - Fire needs to be seduced.

Rule #76 - To produce the flames you need to sin.

Rule #77 - Satan knows.

Rule #78 - For the love of God, keep counselor Mark away from sharp objects.

Author's Note: ... Does anyone else see the weird man dressed in a black suit outside or it's just me...?

Rule #79 - No matter what goals you may have in life, a little bit of hard work, a little bit of determination, a bit of luck gets you anywhere.

Author's note: Yay escape room! I love those!

Rule #80 - Beware of counselor Evan throwing things at the tents.

Rule #81 - On daytime the bats are squirrels, but on nighttime they are vampires. For this reason you shouldn't be around bats, or they will suck your blood.

Rule #82 - Counselor Mark really loves riddles.

Rule #83 - Stay six feet away from the trees to avoid being attacked by a squirrel.

Rule #84 - The most dangerous things about the deers are their antlers and hooves.

Rule #85 - To survive the snakes you need to: Look, Observe, Scan, React, Run (L.O.S.R.R)

Author's Note: Counselor Ethan is fucking smart, fight me. Also, shout out to counselor Amy because not once have I mentioned her and she's amazing.

Rule #86 - Run away from Mark. JUST RUN.

Rule #87 - Tragically, counselor Mark has turned into the beast called Neanderthalensis Marconius, also known as HeeHoo.

Rule #88 - HeeHoo feeds himself with wild Takis, roaming around the woods butt naked and in solitude...

Rule #89 - If you wish to communicate with the HeeHoo, there are sounds he will react to: Unus Annus.

(And here it is, after nights of work I present to you the -not so official- Unus Annus Rule Manual! This has been a blast, I am so glad I could finally finish it. Camp Unus Annus was absolutely amazing in every sense of the word, thanks Mark, Ethan, Amy and Evan for the experience!)

@tiny-crecher (I am SO sorry-)

@markiplier @crankgameplays

[hopeymchope]

Anon finally figured out The Definitive Answer for why so many people worship Bakugo, because there's a blog post by lovecrafts-iranon where, refreshingly, he actually comes right out and SAYS the reason why fandoms worship assholes: he thinks Dudley should have been Harry Potter's protagonist instead of Potter himself, because "good people doing good things are a boring snooze, while cruel and vicious people are entertaining." So he, and others like him, judge morality by "what entertains me".

Wow. I found that Dudley post, and it has SO MANY notes, and NOT EVEN ONE OF THEM IS SOMEONE DISAGREEING. How is that possible?

But I'd like to take a moment to look at this post in more (i.e. WAY TOO MUCH) depth. With pull quotes!

There is so much potential for growth, and at a nice slow pace because he would need to be dragged kicking and screaming every step of the way and have several reversions.

I guess it's true that he'd have to go through a lot more radical change than Harry did. And that would definitely be interesting to see unfurl, in a fashion. But Harry has to learn self-confidence, learn to cope with death (in the sense that he has to process it for the first time), learn to accept the things he can't change... all the things that people in the targeted demographic age of the readership are simultaneously dealing with. Dudley, on the other hand, doesn't have any reason to learn most of that stuff. He's only relatable to readers who are also massive assholes. Dudley's already overconfident - he's full of himself, and him being told that he's basically the Chosen One will only make it much worse. Will he have to cope with death? I mean, maybe someday. But we start with him only caring about himself, so it's unlikely he'd be too terribly affected if someone died in front of him. That would require him to care about someone else. And learning to accept that he can't change everything is something he'd probably struggle with in a semi-interesting fashion, but do you want to watch a spoiled brat who believes he can scream until he gets his way FINALLY start to learn that maybe he should stop screaming and start facing facts? Shit, that just sounds like modern politics. And coping with people who can't face reality is intolerable and infuriating.

Magic, aside from being not real, is a special kind of repulsive evil [to him]. Merely mentioning magic is the only thing that can temporarily revoke his Specialest Boy status.

I think the author is stating that this is a thing that's true of Dudley in the existing novels? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, and this is something that the author of the post wants to introduce into their AU fanfic. If it's the former, however, then I want to point out that there's no evidence that Dudley held any opinions at all on magic before Harry was declared a wizard. His parents sure did, but they never spoke of magic and refused to acknowledge it, so they naturally never said a word to Dudley about it.

So Dudley actually has no reason to be repulsed by the notion of being a wizard. In all likelihood, he'd be overjoyed to be told that he's a super-powered being of importance who everyone in the magical world has heard about. He'd probably want everybody to genuflect when he entered every room from then on. (I am assuming that Dudley must still be the one who has to eventually defeat Voldemort according to prophecy, but I guess he wouldn't be "The Boy Who Lived." His parents were obviously never killed; the fact that they raised him a certain way is what defines his character. He'd need some other kind of legend to cause his fame.)

Harry would never cause problems on purpose, while Dudley would never stop doing so at Hogwarts!

A character who is actively the source of all the trouble they're in isn't remotely sympathetic; I root AGAINST that kind of character. I want LESS of them. I want them to lose.

That's actually part of why I hated the new Snake Eyes movie — every bad thing that happens can logically be laid at Henry "Snake Eyes" Golding's own [probably gorgeous] feet. I'm not rooting for someone like that.

Harry gets to experience friendship and acceptance for the first time, snooze, while Dudley would have to face lack of friendship and rejection for the first time (there is nobody who wouldn't be put off by 'hates magic' even if they were fine with the rest of his personality)! Now that's fascinating!

I still think seeing a lonely boy with no sense of self-worth make his first friends is interesting. But I admit that Dudley facing rejection and lack of friendship for the first time DOES sound fascinating. The author has got me there.

And imagine him going home for Christmas break loudly announcing how happy he is to get away from all those awful wizards only to find out his parents treat him much differently now, their love having been completely conditional all along.

Would it be, though? I guess this is up to the perception of the author, but I kind of imagine Vernon and Petunia taking it as a personal victory if their own spawn is declared the special Chosen One. Their kid being a powerful wizard known around the world, and Lily's kid being no one in particular? They'd visit Lily's grave for the first time ever just so they could dance on it.

I could go on and on. I remember looking to see if there was any Dudley goes to Hogwarts fic as a kid and there was one popular one, but it let Harry go too (boo, the realization there might be something wrong with how his adopted brother is being treated back at home should be a shocking revelation to him), let Dudley become too nice too fast (it should be a long, drawn out process where he never gives an inch he doesn't absolutely have to!) and was too easy on him (characters suffering is good).

Author is assuming that Dudley - now christened a mighty wizard of destiny, the literal Chosen One - would actually perceive of there being something wrong with how his lowly muggle cousin was treated. I'd say: Highly doubtful. He'd just continue to be an asshole about it.

And the longer you drag out an asshole getting redeemed, the more I'm going to feel like "Well I don't fucking care if they get redeemed by this point; they've had every possible chance and every possible piece of evidence thrown at them, and they chose to remain an asshole, so fuck them. They deserve nothing."

At least the author wants Dudley to suffer. Not that I agree with the notion that characters suffering is automatically good, but asshole characters DO often deserve that shit.

BOTTOM LINE: I... just... I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people would actually WANT to focus on horrible assholes? That people want those fuckers to be the heroes instead of actually decent human beings? Because there are so many awful people in the world, so I guess it must be relatable enough for them. But dammit, I'm still surprised.

No, no, no. FUCK no. Being an asshole does not inherently make someone interesting; it just makes them an asshole. They deserve to be punished, not celebrated. They might still be interesting as an antagonist, but I'm sure as hell not going to root for them. And if you're going to insist on spending valuable focus time on these characters, you'd better at least be acknowledging that they are the VILLAIN of the story.

Which is honestly a more logical role for Dudley anyway. If Voldemort told Dudley that he's an exceptional being and that the inferior muggles else should be made to serve at his feet? Dudley would totally go for that. He'd become the whiniest, brattiest Death Eater.

Besides, Dudley is a particularly weird choice for their post, because he's NOT interesting! Not even as an antagonist! Dudley only exists as a one-note plot device. He deserves no attention.

[fictionadventurer]

Top 5 unpublished stories (unfinished, in-progress, etc. yours or others' - things posted on tumblr fit, but not indie or traditional publishing)

To be clear, I’m limiting this to:

Works that have at least a partial scene drafted. If it exists only in outline or in idea form, it’s ineligible. There has to be some writing for me to reread and like.  

Stories that are not current WIPs.

So, in no particular order, here are five favorites that I’m fond of.

(Warning: Very Long Post)

1. Airship Sleeping Beauty.

In this world, parents buy fairy gifts for their children at birth. Most people are limited to two or three. Seraphina Crowne (please call her Sara) was gifted with twelve. Her impoverished parents had friends among fairy kind who were able to bend the rules to give this child enough gifts to survive in their harsh environment. Thus, Sara has everything from enhanced beauty and grace to strength and speed and musical skill, which makes her an unstoppable force of (super)nature. She loves a challenge and decides to support her parents by becoming a sailor on a flying sailing ship, where she rockets up through the ranks.

Our POV character is Jack Sanders, who serves under her as second lieutenant. Jack has spent years struggling through the ranks with only one unsuitable fairy gift. The father who chose his gift was an insomniac, and gave his son the gift of helping people fall asleep. Surrounded by people with more useful skills like strength or navigation, Jack languished as a midshipman for years until he served under a captain who realized the greater uses of his gift. Jack hates Seraphina Crowne, assuming that she’s the daughter of a rich man who has enough money to bend all the fairy gifting rules for his precious princess.

As they travel through a tropical land, they run into many adventures, and Jack starts to respect Sara. He learns that she comes from a much less privileged background than he’d assumed, and they slowly become friends. Then one day, they’re taking a day of shore leave on a flying island when they get into a fight with some local ruffians. Sara falls over the edge and is impaled on one of the metal spikes that serve as a barrier between the island and the open sky. But she doesn’t die. She climbs up with a gaping hole through her torso, and the should-be fatal wound heals within hours.

Sara is forced to tell Jack her greatest secret--she actually has a (highly illegal) thirteenth gift. Her mother’s greatest friend among fairy kind was a fairy who was banished from the guild for giving gifts that were too powerful. This fairy wanted to make absolutely certain that her friend couldn’t possibly lose this child at a young age. Her gift to Sara was that she would die by being pricked on the spindle of a spinning wheel--which means that nothing else can kill her. Not disease, injury, old age--she is invulnerable as long as she stays away from spinning wheels, which is easy to do in this industrialized age when your average person has never seen such a thing.  

Jack promises to keep Sara’s secret and they return to the ship. But Jack isn’t the only one who heard her confession. There’s a local airship pirate who supports his business by adopting infants and getting them the illegal fairy gift of being able to transform into birds. One of these bird-children also heard Sara’s story, and they inform their pirate father, who make plans to attack the ship and take out its most powerful asset.

I never finished the story because the climax falls apart. The pirates were going to attack and stab Sara, but Jack is able to stall her death by putting her to sleep--and I could never figure out a way to save Sara without it feeling cheap and predictable and/or detouring into a completely different plotline that takes us away from the story. But I think of the rest of it as one of the best fairy tale retellings I never wrote.

2. Faraway House

This one is my middle-grade portal fantasy for adults. Mara meets Adrian, a mysterious, magical man whose house sits in a space that connects to three different universes--ours, one that has a more medieval fairy tale vibe, and one that’s more steampunky and involves lots of chimeras and people with animal traits. People in need of help tend to fall into this in-between space, and Adrian lets them stay at Faraway House for as long as they need.

There are tons of characters who drop into this story and provide little subplots, but my favorite part was an overarching plotline involving Adrian and Mara. Adrian, who was originally from the fairy tale world, was the evil magician of every childhood nightmare, a powerful man who did all sorts of horrible things to people. He became obsessed with immortality and eventually got it--at a great price to the rest of the world and to himself. He was caught, stripped of a lot of power, and left to live his long life and see the consequences of his actions. He spent a few centuries wandering the three different worlds and undergoing a ton of character development. As a newly humbled man, he was given charge of Faraway House, since his magical talents would be valuable to keep the area and the portals stable. Now, he’s the nicest, sweetest guy you’d ever want to meet. He rarely tells anyone about his past, and most people wouldn’t believe it if you told them.

Anyhow, after Mara’s been staying at Faraway for a long time, she and Adrian go through a portal that links to Adrian’s home universe. They soon realize that it links to his world several centuries in the past, when Evil Adrian was at the height of his power. And he’s very interested in Mara, because her adventures in Faraway have given her some kind of magic that will help him reach the Well of Immortality (or something like that--it’s a very nebulous, fairy tale idea). Unfortunately, taking this magic will kill Mara, so Older Adrian does all he can to save Mara. He succeeds and gets her back home. But his younger self is still on the lookout for her, and he eventually makes his way to Faraway, where he drains the magic and escapes, leaving Mara dying.

And I know this is the most cliche way to end this, but I like my stories predictable and cheesy, and Older Adrian ends up saving Mara by giving up his immortality, which kills him. It’s all very Disney-moving. The story ends with Mara being made the new caretaker of Faraway. And I give away the ending because I’m never going to write this, but I’m still fonder of this story than it deserves.

3. The Island

Anne of Green Gables meets fairy tales.

The Island is a place full of magic. Amphibious mermaids swim along its shores. A fairy forest fills the heart of the Island. Selkie live on the tiny islands off its shore. Pixies cause trouble in the farmyard’s back garden. It’s amazing to the relatively low-magic areas of the rest of the world, but it’s all part of daily life to the farmers and fishermen who live here.

The Fairy’s Daughters, a retelling of “The Twelve Dancing Princesses”, had the most words written in it, but I think I’m fonder of some of the shorter sketches set a generation earlier that highlight little bits and pieces of the world. I started with the tale of Lizbet, an ordinary orphan girl living with her aunt who befriends Gideon, a half-fairy boy who eventually becomes the town’s magical doctor. Their friends include the widow lighthouse keeper who tries to adopt an orphan boy and is surprised to get Amy, who’s a girl--and a mermaid. There’s Captain Avery, a fierce-looking old sailor with a gentle heart and a surprising amount of experience with magical creatures. There’s Auberon, a fairy prince and eventually king who’s racist against humans, spends some of his younger years traveling in human lands to import human-made products, and becomes even more racist because of it.

I think my favorite thing in this universe are the sylphs. I borrowed Andersen’s idea of the “Daughters of the Air”, and made my sylphs into invisible, benevolent creatures who do good deeds for people, and can accomplish magical feats far beyond what any fairy can do. The sketch I reread most often is a scene where Amy, out for a swim in a storm, is rescued by a sylph who has taken a human (though translucent) form, and gets invited in for tea by Amy’s grateful friends.

It’s a fun universe to play in, but not one that I’m very good at finishing stories in, so I think it needs to stay as a pretty aesthetic and a fun sandbox.

4. Clever Anne

A retelling of “Kate Crackernuts” set in a non-magical Regency-esque setting. Anne is the beautiful, intelligent daughter of a duke. Kate is her bold, daring stepsister. They are deeply devoted to each other, but Kate’s mother hates Anne for being so much more beautiful than her daughter. She gets one of the servants to push Anne into the embers of the fire, leaving her face badly burned. Kate throws a veil over Anne’s face and gets her out of the house, insisting they’ll go off to make their fortune.

Anne was childhood friends with a young man who, through a convoluted succession crisis, unexpectedly finds himself on the throne. They stumble upon him in their travels, and find themselves able to help him by investigating the mysterious behavior of his half-brother, who resents that he was passed over for the throne and may be plotting something sinister. I was never able to figure out a good political-intrigue parallel to the “dancing all night with fairies” portion of the plot, so it never got written. The only really good scene I wrote from this story was the moment where Kate finds out about Anne’s injury and insists on leaving the house. But even in that one scene, their relationship is so strong and so vivid in my mind that I love their story even if I never finish it.

5. The Beast’s Mechanic

This is the one on the list that’s closest to being a WIP. I actually edited some of the beginning in March. It’s a sci-fi take on “Beauty and the Beast” set in a world where two planetary empires are at war. The war destroyed Monique’s father’s shipping business, forcing the whole family to move to a desert planet where they run a small spaceport. Monique is a top-notch mechanic, her sister Gemma is a pilot, Gemma’s twin Joanne stays at home to take care of the house and the two youngest siblings, and Leo is a seventeen-year-old rapscallion who is desperate to join the war as soon as possible.

Their world is upended when, for the first time in years, their mother wants to meet with them. A former starship captain, she and her husband disagreed over the war, and she left the family years ago to join the war effort. But now her starship is in for repairs and she wants to take some time to reconnect with her family. There’s some controversy among the family--do they really want to open these wounds again when they’ve finally moved on?--but Monique the peacemaker insists that, even though it’s impossible for the whole family to make the trip, her father should take the chance. He goes to meet his wife, but on the way there, his spaceship breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and he’s rescued by the Beast, an infamous cyborg outlaw. He also breaks important equipment on the Beast’s ship, and is only able to keep from being thrown out of the airlock by insisting that his daughter can fix it.

Monique nearly does, except that the authorities show up just before she’s done with repairs, forcing the Beast to take off with her in the ship. She comes to learn that the Beast is far from an evil criminal and has been helping people wronged by the government, and she helps him get home to his family (in the enemy empire), but her patriotic starship captain of a mother takes all of these events in very much the wrong light.

I’m very fond of this story for the ways that it avoids some of the usual BatB retelling tropes. There’s much more to this story than the romance, and little focus on the mystery of how the Beast became a Beast, and there’s much more focus on family. The Beast hasn’t even shown up yet, but I’m just incredibly fond of Monique’s family and their everyday working-class life on a desert planet. I hope I can make more progress on it someday.

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: Breath of Fire 4

After completing Breath of Fire 3, my son insisted we do Breath of Fire 4. I'm glad we're playing this cause I've forgotten most of it...

Final Fantasy 7 is still my favorite JRPG, but Breath of Fire 3 is very close in terms of nostalgia. I enjoyed the mix of 3D environments with hand drawn elements, the music is great, the characters are good, and for the most part, the story is quite enjoyable. So I was super excited to play Breath of Fire 4 back in the day.

I remember the primary plot of a Dragon God separate into halves, and emerging after different times. And in a sense, each half experiences a different side of humanity, leading them to have opposite perspectives on whether or not humans are worthy of continued existence.

Maybe I'm way off.

Whatever the reason, it just didn't stick in my head as well as BoF3. So I'm happy to re-explore:

First off, as soon as the game starts it just feels better than BoF3. The characters have a little more detail, and a more serious style to their art. It's still cartoony, but it's like Disney's Pocahontas film vs the Aladdin TV show. The colors are also more muted, which gives it a more somber tone than BoF3's brightly colored sprites.

Also, the 3D environments are much improved. You start on a sandflier (which is badass), and it's a well modeled and textured 3D asset for the PS1. Not just a series of blocks like every environment and object in BoF3. So it makes the production value of 4 feel leagues ahead of 3.

It's interesting that you don't start as Ryu. Instead, you mostly control Nina in the beginning. It's currently her quest to save her sister we're following. So it almost feels like she's the main character.

Anyway: PLOT SUMMARY!

Princess Nina and Rei rip-off Cray are traveling through the desert looking for clues to Nina's missing sister, Elina. They're attacked by a sand dragon and crash. Cray offers to stay with the sandflier while Nina goes for parts.

She discovers a crater and a dragon inside. The dragon fades a way and a naked man stands before her: Ryu. Nina takes him along to see if they can find out where he's from, cause as of now, he has no memory.

At the town, no one knows Ryu, but we get information about a man we have to bribe for information. He then tells us about black market. We get the password and get in, only to learn they don't have parts: they repair parts. So now we have to go to the Sandflier Graveyard.

This little town is cute, but crowded. I'm not sure why, but the designers made it like a maze, which makes it challenging to navigate and easy to lose your way. But this game also offers a 360 camera in many parts (unlike BoF3 that was fixed at one angle). Maybe they designed it this way to force the player to use the angle-change, teaching them a valuable skill to succeed in the game.

There's some simple puzzles at the graveyard and then we're introduced to a cute mini-game: using a dog to sniff out treasure (and parts). With the parts claimed we head back to town.

The battle system feels fresher than BoF4. For one, the characters actually make contact with the targets, instead of just swinging their weapons in place like Final Fantasy 1. There's also many more frames of animation. Just all around feels better!

I like that Nina has become the healer. In BoF3, Ryu is the first healer, and then other characters get some crossover healing spells. Given that Ryu also has a strong attack, and a dragon form, it seemed weird that he should be a healer as well. Though, I do miss Nina's powerful spells. Ah well, she's still under level 10...

At some point, we cut to a temple in the forest to see Fou Lu emerge. He used to be an emperor and expects to be greeted by his loyal subjects. Instead, soldiers and their general confront and attack him. Looks like they got used to him not being around. Fou Lu gains strength from water, so is weak to fire. It appears he is defeated on a bridge, but we know better--don't we...

Back in town, Nina and Ryu plan to get their parts fixed (weird phrasing...sorry). Instead, imperial soldiers are bullying the locals. Nina steps in and stands her ground, the war is over: she says. No, the Imperial replies, it's just a cease fire. Now they want to capture her. When things escalate, Ryu breaks the King's Sword against a captain's face. The two flee the city.

On their way back to Cray, they are cutoff by soldiers, but clued into an alternate route as suggested by the man they helped in town. This route takes them to the hexed town of Chamba. When I played this as a kid, I thought it was neat how they treated Hexes, but now i feel this was an exploration of the devastating nuclear attacks the US used on Japan. Very clever.

There's a company of folks trying to clear the Hex, but it'll take years. They refuse to escort Nina and Ryu, but then Ershin shows up. It's a robot that looks like a Trashcan Knight. Anyway, Ershin is a person inside this walking bin, and offers to escort Nina and Ryu.

The three head into town and roam across the rooftops, avoiding the toxic mist. They reflect on how horrible the hexing of cities was during the war, and lament the tragedy.

Strangely, this section of the game really stuck with me from middle school. I think my friend started a new game and played past where I was, reaching this part. Something about it just stuck, and when I think of Breath of Fire 4, I always think of Ershin in Chamba.

Escaping the town, we make it back to Cray. We can't fix the sandflier, and there's no point in staying. For whatever reason, we think heading north will lead us closer to Elina. Ershin seems to be aware of Ryu's importance and says she'll go where he does. He decides to go with Nina.

While camping, they have a shared dream that they're breaking into an imperial facility to find Elina. I know what happens to Elina and I'm not sure my son is prepared for it.

It's only a game...

On our way North, we come to a Dam. My son likes Dams, so he's excited. We learn there's a dragon in the water, scaring folks away. Used to, the dragon avoided the damn, but now it's being a dick. We solve some simple puzzles and get across, but then the dragon sends in a flood and everyone flees. We barely escape.

Later, we come to a cliff overlooking the ocean and a water dragon appears. The group thinks it's the same dragon that flooded the damn, but it doesn't seem to want to attack. An old lady with a twangy instrument tells us that the dragons have a profound effect on the world. It's mysterious and the group leaves. The lady mentions to herself that a dragon walks among the group.

It's Ryu. He's a dragon. Four games in, he's always the dragon.

I don't remember much of the details from this game, so I'm excited to relearn them with my son. I'm letting him play more of the game now. It's better designed (I think), so should be less stressful than BoF3. Still, he's struggling with the awkward controls.

Now that we have 4 party members, we've started using the row-switching. It's neat, the whole team technically enters a battle, but only the three on the front row and commit action. You can pick any three to perform actions that round, and the game sort of figures out who's in battle, and who's in the back row. It's a clever system that removes the annoyance of having to choose what party members to use in a dungeon. Something that Final Fantasy X tried to do as well. I think Dragon Quest 11 also uses this...

We're having fun, and we've not cheated yet! (Except we use Save States, cause duh!)

[sydney-briar-is-alive]

Our Super Fun Cultural Dark Age. Some questions about what I’ve been soaking up.

-By a Sponge.

Fairy tales are interesting because they are originally cultural artifacts. Have you ever read Homer’s Odyssey or Iliad and noticed the language of the text? If not, give one a go!

 A diversion further into why you might ‘give one a go’.

 Secondhand bookshops are brimming with Homer. I mean that. Brimming. They’re practically paved in it. You’d be doing them a service. Most translations use very simple language (more accurate to the original text), honestly Harry Potter uses more complex language and if you don’t like it you can just close the book. So, you can’t have much of an excuse, eh?

 *Thank you*

 Welcoming one back to the actual direction of the writing.

 Now then, regardless. Back to the actual point. They are full of ceaseless references to gods, divinity and praise to ‘Pallas Athena’ and such. I mean, these people probably had Athena bless their milk and Weet Bix every morning. These days, it might seem a bit much to many readers, myself included (pressed wheat scraps are blessing enough). However, these works are cultural artifacts, and as readers we can learn something from the interpretation of the time depicted. They offer a breath of fresh air from dusty old artifacts and lists of statistics from ancient bureaucracies. They give us clues into how actual, regular people, actually thought day to day. How their brains worked.

 Broad, sweeping generalisations aside-

 Generally, in pre-revolutionary France, it’s safe to say a great many people were hungry and angry with the unfair Ancient Regime. Therefore, the French versions of Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel, told at the time were fatalist lessons. Pitting peasant guile against cruel and greedy hoarders of food, rather than treasure or power. Whereas in at the same time in Germany, the same stories were often told as cautionary tales, depicting the horribly violent fates of greedy peasants stealing and the scamming powerful forces around them. The French of the time clearly had a hero of sorts, however the Germans did not. There are possibly hundreds or maybe even thousands of versions of Little Red Riding Hood alone all around the world and all through history all with their own twists and conclusions relevant to the time and place.

The Brother’s Grim famously travelled around assembling these stories from Europe into definitive, marketable versions. More or less standardising fairy tales into the ones we know today. What this means however is that- and be warned, I’m about to make some broad sweeping generalisations! It means that more or less every human culture has had the same stories. From Ancient China to Rome, there was a culturally relevant ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ or ‘Hansel and Gretel’.

This is important to understand because these days, typically when fairy and folk tales are reimagined for an adult audience, they are taken in one of three directions.

 1. Just how lovely and shiny must it be, to not be a dark age?

 The first direction is retelling a familiar story or set of tropes and putting it into a more contemporary setting, such as, high fantasy or outer space. Media that does this is very well known, popular and recognisable. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Snow White and the Huntsmen, or Maleficent. Typically, these stories are written to appeal to a wide audience and follow particular tropes and ideas, making a big splash at the box office. They need very little introduction, so, that’s it really. Moving on.

 2. Some might say analytics is just punching yourself in the gut, over and over again.

 The second direction is in my opinion more interesting, the self-referential, deconstructive direction. As it typically targets a more niche audience, allowing for a more unique perspective and viewing experience. Media like Pan’s Labyrinth, American McGee’s Alice and Jin Roh: Wolf Brigade. All these reinterpret themes into a more contemporary context, keeping their value as cultural artifacts and ‘true’ fairy and folk tales. While I am not arguing that Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings are not an important part of our culture. They serve a moral and idealistic fantasy that offers an escape to the reality of the world. Rather than interpreting that reality into a fantasy setting. This isn’t to say one is better than the other, this is merely to highlight why one is a more valuable item to our history and culture.

This direction confronts the elements of society and culture that create fairy tales, they are simply a more direct line to the value of the stories. Perhaps then they are not the same, perhaps by doing away with a lot of the symbolism they are no more than blunt instruments? Perhaps it is not fair to lump any media like this together, as each is deserving of its own fresh analysis (I did however warn you about broad, sweeping generalisations). The same can perhaps be said for all of this. Finding the line that separates any of these things is probably more personal and this is all very subjective. So, bearing this all in mind, I will introduce the final direction.

 3. Doctor Frankenstein, and how I learned to stop worrying and fear humanity.

 The ‘Horror’ genre. Now, I will not allude to my warning of broad sweeping generalisations a third time. So by ‘Horror’, I will let you use your own opinion, informed or otherwise. Typically many cultural fears and taboos are explored through horror entertainment. In many ways this is the natural progression of the fairy tale. What makes a horror film scary is relative to what you as a person are afraid of. Films like Dawn of the Dead and It Follows are not particularly scary on their own. But the cultural baggage that follows them is. They pray on our insecurities, which is why different parts will be hilarious and terrifying to different people. The same is true for fairy tales, to a starving person, a Witch living in a house of gingerbread, who lures children in to cannibalise them is probably terrifying. To a starving hungry peasant your entire existence is a battle against a cruel system that starves you and exploits you. So, maybe it is in this way, fairy and folk tales are perhaps better viewed as horror stories?

 That was a question. But you should probably just go on.

 Each of these three directions are a part of our culture and so then a part of us. We need them all to keep our identities. However, the investment in escapist storytelling is an unfortunate trend. This habit of converting important artifacts into objects of escapist fantasy is perhaps damaging to us. It’s in a way a form of censorship and it impacts everyone’s own identity in some way. By not spending time and money on a more balanced approach to storytelling, but rather focusing on a more focused one. It can damage the storytellers themselves. For example, Disney’s company image often directly clashes with this and while they produce many technical and visual masterpieces. Personally, I don’t see them as particularly focused on preserving or analysing culture. Rather creating fantasies based off false, hyper real cultures. The more media a company like this produces along this line, the more normalised its direction becomes. Thusly, the more obscure silenced the other directions become. And while it is important to remember, there will always be demand. But there may not always be works of quality to satisfy that demand.

 In conclusion: squeezing the sponge.

 In many ways this is a very subjective line of thought and please treat it as an attempt to question rather than to answer. I am just trying to have a conversation and I hope this perspective helps you understand what you are soaking up a little bit better. As it has for me! If not, I hope it none the less makes for an interesting read (I have tried to make it fun, honestly). 

To summarise. Paranormal Activity is more of a modern fairy tale than Maleficent. And Pan’s Labyrinth, while certainly using an archaic formula. It is perhaps better viewed as a brilliant satire in a classic formula than a modern fairy tale. The Avengers, Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings are culturally significant and incredible works of fiction, but offer little to society as a hole aside from first class, prime cut, rib eye escapism (that is not to say they cannot have great personal meaning and value). Lastly, history is more than dusty old ruins and bones. It’s more than lists and battle statistics. History is people. It’s us. And if our stories and artifacts reflect us. I think it’d be shameful to be remembered for an age of escapism.

  A final thought-

To all of this, a quantity of pot might beg a question:

Does this then mean we create reality, based off a fear of ourselves?

I don’t know and I haven’t bothered to ask the question, sorry. Perhaps ask your neurologist?

[sebastianshaw]

Bringing it back on topic for the blog, what animal do you think would work best for what Shaw needs?

I think a horse would be really good for him, if he were open to it and willing to put in the time. No animal is going to make him a better person at all, but I think a horse would be good on a personal level for some of his issues. Firstly, he’s more likely to be receptive to having horses in the first place. Shaw doesn’t understand having pets for their own sake, he doesn’t understand some people spend lots of time and money on these creatures out of sheer affection. So while a dog or cat might have benefits for him if he gave them a try, he’s unlikely to do so. He’s not an animal person. He doesn’t get that rush of “aw!” when he looks at critters. But horses are extremely valuable animals, there’s a lot of profit to be had in breeding and selling them if you’re working with top quality bloodlines, and they’re a status symbol. So he can understand getting a horse in the first place. And we see in canon he does have some! He’s got a horse-drawn carriage (SO FUCKING EXTRA) in Marauders #3, and I doubt he’s the kind of guy who just rents that. And because they’re valuable animals, I think he’d want to have a hand in overseeing their care. I’m sure he’s leaving most of it to paid stablehands, he does NOT have time for the care a horse needs, let alone a team of them, but if he’s paying for them to be taken care of, he’s going to pop in here and there to make sure he’s getting his money’s worth, and inevitably that will lead to interaction with the animals. Sooner or later, I think he’ll consider that if he owns them, he might as well ride them. Again, get his money’s worth. That opens the door. And when he does start riding, he is going to have to be GENTLE with them. Shaw is super-strong at any given time, meaning that it would be VERY easy for him to hurt a horse accidentally. He could shatter its teeth by pulling too hard on the bit, kill it with a kick, etc. And morally he’s not going to have a problem with that, but financially that’s a huge waste, so he’s going to want to avoid it. This means he has to very, very carefully control himself and his temper with these animals, even when they’re being dickish or skittish. He has to start being very attuned to what’s going to set them off---horses get scared very easily---so he can avoid that, because if they get scared and he has to pull back on the reins, he may, again, hurt them by accident and damage his goods. He has to learn to give them the most subtle cues possible, more so than most riders will ever bother with. It becomes in his own interest to be sensitive. And I don’t think that’s going to carry over to people at all---we’re worthless---but it does give him a connection to another living being he didn’t have before. And I think that’s good for anyone. It won’t make him a better person morally, but he might FEEL better in a way he previously never had when he interacts with them. So he’s still horrible, he’s just happier. It’s also, physically, a good way to blow off a lot of steam and get a great workout. Horseback-riding really works your core muscles--- abs, back, pelvis, and thighs. It stabilizes your torso while fortifying coordination, stability, balance, and flexibility. So it’s a good addition to just typical gym/weight exercises, and he definitely sees the benefit in that. Mutant powers give him strength, but he has to build the body himself!

[en241]

Friday, 17 April

Week 11: The Secret Garden, Chapters 19 - end of book.

First, More of Your Comments: 

I am just catching up to the end of the book so I thought I would check in. As most said in the comments you shared on Tumblr I would have to agree it takes a lot for me to get into a book so it did take me a bit for this one but I was surprised how much I liked this book. The ending was really surprising as well it was very sweet and just made you feel good. I have noticed that the author uses sensory imagery throughout this novel which allows the characters and reader to connect with nature making you rethink your own life in positive ways, I really enjoyed this aspect. Mary’s positive thoughts and attitude makes you want to be the same. This even makes Colin interested in the outdoors as well despite his illness. I did really enjoy this book!

From this weeks reading, I have observed how the garden is changing People and things as a way of resurrection.  Not only are Mary’s waxy features changing but, Colins skin is changing as well. Colin is no longer ivory skinned, he looks like he has flesh. It seems that the garden is bringing life back to them after all of the bad things that have happened to them. It may also be helping things like the tree his mother fell from. Although the tree is dead, new roses will cover its outside. I feel the new roses symbolize the spirt of the children and Colins mother who have never really left the garden. Colin planting the single rose represented ownership not only of the garden but of the spirits left there. 

We all have that one place where we want to be, or think is our fairy-tale.  The garden is the fairy tale in this story. The flowers create the fairy-tale. The tale or what it once was and what it could be. This has become such a part of Mary’s life she claims to have stolen it. I have experienced this situation as well. I have claimed a horse that was not really mine. I had so much pride in her I did not realize I was stealing her like Mary.

Now, some Thoughts from Me: Please bear with me and read them . . .

I’m so glad that so many of you liked the book so much. I love this book & I love teaching it, but it’s never been as meaningful as it has been this semester. And that’s because of all your comments. 

One big thing: the way all the book’s major characters are on their own maturation plots, and how each of them help the others, so that in the end they all overcome their own personal traumas and grow. (And the garden itself is one of those characters -- maybe because it’s Mrs Craven’s spirit or maybe because Nature.) 

I wish we could talk about all the details of this book and how they work together in order to make a coherent narrative argument. And I wish we could talk about this book -- especially its characters -- and compare it with the other books we’ve read this term. I could write up notes for you about this, but that wouldn’t be the same as discussing it together. It wouldn’t be fun.

I also wish we could come back to the big issues of the course -- the maturation plot, the adult/child identity problem, the three modes (nonsense, realism, and fantasy), and all the thematic patterns like food and appetite, indoors vs outdoors, reason vs imagination, sorting, stacking & counting, adventure vs safety, honesty vs dishonesty, etc. Because, you know, that’s the point of the class. 

I also wish we could talk about all the different ways we can read Children’s Literature from a cultural perspective -- not just its history, or its connection to things like theories of psychology and education, but also its relationship to issues like race, gender, dis/ability, and ecology. Because, well, college. 

It would also be really interesting to think about issues like illustration (have you spent time with the illustrations I’ve been posting?), book design, and adaptations into other media. Because words are great, but words are not enough. (Although tbh the new movie version of The Secret Garden looks like absolute shite imho.) 

Aaaand it would also be fun to talk about more recent children’s literature and how reading these books together might go

 But we only have one week left. 

And we are all dealing with a lot of stuff. 

So next week, if it’s ok with you, I will finish out the term by giving you a couple of new things to read and/or watch. (Kinda like what we did at the beginning with Struwwelpeter, the Gashlycrumbs, and the Wild Things. Only nicer. Much nicer this time. Happier. I promise.) And I’ll ask for your comments, and post them, just like we’ve been doing. With a final reflective assignment at the end. 

Meanwhile, read this article: 21 Ways The Secret Garden Prepared Us For Adulthood . If you hadn’t read the book, it would look like a list of 21 cliche phrases . . . but now? 

Take care, stay safe, be kind, and wash your damn hands. 

AAAAAnd one more comment:

I just finished the book , absolutely loved it. Heres some thoughts...

So I think Mary is a super super interesting character. Most child fantasies start their adventures with a likable, honest and pure protagonist. At first, Mary isn't the most likable of characters .. She’s privileged, kinda annoying and just isn't the most relatable. This made it really hard for me to like Mary in the beginning but to slowly realize no - she's just damaged, really flipped the whole narrative for me. Life as a neglected, lonely orphan must have caused a lot of internal dysfunction in Mary and left a hole of hurt and pain she wasn't able to deal with and heal.

- I mean she is a child; she doesn't know how to handle these things. Imagine having your parents die at that young an age? Must be a horrible thing to deal with. Then getting sent off to the middle of nowhere to live with your weird uncle? that would suck - I definitely would cause a scene too -

I think Mary was destined to find the key to the garden and I think the robin - yes! i also think this is symbolic of Colin's mother - specifically chose to give it to her because she needed to see the garden. She needed a physical thing to take care of and nurture so she can see how attention to something leads to blossoms and beauty .. this helps her accept how important it is to give attention to herself and how planting a seed of self-love and acceptance will lead to strength and happiness.

The garden helped Mary heal wounds of the past, understand human failure, forgive herself and her circumstances to grow. Mary needs to go through this transformation to achieve maturation which is a super super prevalent theme here .. pretty much the whole book focuses on the healing and growth of Mary, and Colin later in the book. The garden is her “Wonderland” - it’s her safe place that wants to instill some sort of lesson or narrative in Mary that she absolutely needs to hear.

Mary and Colin are very alike at the beginning of the story and they get along best because their relationship is so honest .. they’re both at Stage I of childlike naiveness, with no self-awareness. I think maybe they were also destined to meet and their growth together is a beautiful thing to witness. I think the friendship they share is so important and fundamental to both of their growth. Mary and Colin aren't romantically engaged either - well because they are cousins - but this makes their bond even more special and important - definitely a relationship that’s important to have irl too .. a true friend , someone to grow with - I kinda wonder how the story would unfold if they weren't written as cousins .. would they have fallen in love??

The garden is an important place for Colin too - it gives him the motivation to want to live .. a super powerful and almost magical thing.

Anyways I'm kinda obsessed with this book now , the journey to learn how to love and accept yourself - at least that's what I took out of it - also how beautiful and valuable a strong relationship is.. definitely an important thing to note.

illustration by Inga Moore

[what-even-is-thiss]

I kinda want to stick the boys in an urban fantasy setting like the one I’ve been developing for a few years.

Virgil wasn’t born with magic but made friends with a witch and is now a warlock that specializes in rune magic. He knows how to perform blood magic too but only uses it for larger spells. In this universe real, effective witchcraft done through rituals can only be performed by people with a shattered soul. It’s a sort of consolation prize the universe gives them for having to live with the emotional pain that comes with that. Virgil’s soul was broken in increments throughout his childhood through extreme bullying that he never reported to his parents. Like with many other witches and warlocks learning ritual magic and finding a community saved his life. He can see the state of other people’s souls and read what kind of inherent magic they have at a glance.

He’s a student getting a doctorate in the hopes of becoming a research professor at a prominent university. He’s that graduate student that’s also teaching an into to chemistry class to mostly freshmen and walks in to every class one minute late and with a bunch of disorganized papers in hand. A lot of people are surprised he’s trying to become a professor, especially when they see the weird runes tattooed on his arm. “what do they mean?” they always ask. “Some old poem thing.” he always replies, leaving it at that.

His introduction to the underground community was slow because registering witches and warlocks is complicated. Technically they’re not supposed to exist but the government learned long ago they’re not going anywhere so they just have to accept them in if they manage to master their craft.

Logan is an A-class weapons master. A-class is the highest level of natural power one can posses and a weapons master is someone that can summon weapons and learn to master them far faster than any other human would be able to. They also have the ability to enchant or curse weapons. Logan would randomly accidentally curse knives by accident when he was a little kid and the government was monitoring him from a young age because something was detected when he was a baby. When his “little problem” as his mother called it showed up they had people knocking on their door basically the next day.

He’s been taught how to fight and be a killing machine since he was a little kid for two reasons. 1. All magical persons are guaranteed through international law an opportunity to receive mentoring and instruction in their abilities and how to control them and Logan’s abilities are basically only useful if you’re fighting or cursing your uncle’s hunting rifle. 2. Magical persons are actually usually in danger of being attacked or turned into the authorities because most people in the world don’t know magic exists or understand it and A-class persons are especially vulnerable because they don’t always have control over their abilities so able bodied A-class magic users are strongly encouraged to learn how to fight and defend themselves. Logan’s parents took this advice and basically let his mentor shape him into a fighting machine.

He doesn’t like it but he was coerced into joining the marines as a teenager and he didn’t see until he was in the thick of things how much he actually hates the cards that he was dealt in life. It was at about his fifth confirmed kill on a special mission with two other weapons masters that he realized he didn’t want to be there. He tends to not answer questions about all the scars he has. If he does he just claims to be accident prone.

His day job now is working as an editor for a prominent literary magazine. Unfortunately for him he’s still really infamous and his uncle’s hunting rifle still teleports to another room whenever a person with A- blood touches it. His ex-boyfriend broke up with him because he one time conjured a dagger in his sleep and injured both of them in the process. Because of how infamous he is in certain parts of the magical community there’s always someone that wants to blackmail him into helping them somehow. Logan usually ends up snuffing the problem out relatively quickly though. He’s made it very clear that he wants to continue spending his days sorting through poetry submissions and he’s willing to get a little more blood on his hands to make sure that it stays that way. His current interaction with the underground doesn’t go much further than the occasional veterans support group meeting and maybe a visit to the magical clinic to have his energy levels checked.

Patton is a C-level spell caster. Different from a witch or warlock, often called a wizard or sorcerer instead. C-class is the lowest level of magic where inherent abilities are able to be used reliably (rather than just in moments of extreme panic like with most humans) and spell casters are persons with undifferentiated magic that can be directed with helpful objects. Wands, jewelry, magical knives, whatever. Hands only magic is also taught but is less exact unless you put a lot of effort into your training. Patton did not put a lot of effort into his training.

Basically think of spell casters as jack of all trades master of none type of magic. They can do anything, just not super powerfully. They can summon fire, sure, but someone with fire specific magic would be able to easily burn down an entire building while they can maybe light a candle. The most powerful of them might be able to do a flamethrower for a few seconds.

Patton uses his magic for fun, mostly. He works at the magical community center and teaches an intro to history of magic class and a basic magical law course for adults that discover their powers late and parents of magical children. If anyone without an “in pass” (permission to access the underground and granted immunity from memory wipes) asks what his day job is, he teaches adult school. He speaks Spanish and ASL as well as English and just generally shows a lot of love and patience to people being thrown into this world. He’s a supporter of the movement to integrate magic into everyday life and expose it to the world but knows that’s probably not going to happen in his lifetime.

Sometimes his classes will get bored and he’ll ask if they want to see something he’s been practicing and then he’ll try a new spell he’s been practicing with his expensive looking watch that he uses as his casting device and sometimes he causes a power outage. Only sometimes though, as he will quickly remind his boss.

Roman is a B-class charmer. That is, a person with moderately powerful charm magic. He can influence people easily and make them ignore some of the bad things about him and focus on the parts that they like instead. As a rule charmers aren’t usually introduced to the underground or made aware of their status as a magical person unless a friend or family member fills out the paperwork to let them in on their secret or someone int heir immediate family turns out to be magical. The reason is that charming is by far the most common magical ability (they almost outnumber the entire magical population on their own) and can only learn to control their powers to a certain degree. And of course of a B or A-class charmer learns how to control their abilities more the potential of them becoming more dangerous skyrockets. Charmers that powerful are quite rare, but they can’t make an exception for them.

Roman found out that he has this charming ability because as it turns out, his adopted daughter has the ability to control plants. When the scary people with clipboards and neckties and weird looking guns on their hips came to his door to explain to him and his husband that magic is real they also brought up Roman’s own magic. When they explained how it worked suddenly Roman got a horrible feeling in his stomach. Suddenly his whole life made a lot more sense, and suddenly he felt sort of bad for making a career as an influencer (he makes Instagram videos and YouTube commentary videos and confession type stuff, sort of akin to Dan Howell’s old stuff). And understandably this has but a lot of questions between him and his husband and if his husband was influenced by this ability Roman didn’t know he had. He is really conflicted. On one hand, he has something to talk to his daughter about and he’s learning to control himself better and find other people that relate to him. On the other hand, he feels a bit bad whenever one of his videos goes viral now, his husband doesn’t like appearing in videos anymore, and there’s a weird rift int heir relationship they have to get over now.

I’m sure you’re wondering now how they all meet. Well, Virgil and Patton are old college roommates and Virgil is staying with him while he goes to grad school because graduate students make not a lot of money and as great as witchcraft is, it unfortunately can’t make money out of thin air.

Roman is taking Patton’s class with his husband. The husband stops going in the middle of the class and Patton senses something’s up. He invites Roman to have a friendly coffee and Roman ends up spilling everything that’s been going on and probably his coffee too.

Logan shows up at the university from time to time to go to poetry readings or talk with people in the literary community or see a lecture and Virgil catches a glimpse of him on one of his visits and thinks “Oh. An A-class with a cracked soul. That’s some valuable blood for potions and such.” and he proceeds to worm his way into Logan’s life to try and convince him to let him bottle some of his blood. Unfortunately for Virgil he ends up liking Logan so much that this request becomes more and more awkward sounding as time goes on and eventually he gives up on the idea. Logan deduces what he wanted when Virgil reveals that he’s a warlock and then shrugs and goes “I have plenty of scars already. What’s one more?” and then there’s a weird visit to Patton’s house where Roman and his husband are having an informal bit of couple’s therapy and Virgil is thinking about taking Logan int he back room to do some bloodletting which is being delayed because guests are here and Roman and Virgil hate each other immediately of course.

I could take all of this two ways. Magical friends living a weird everyday magical life and doing weird everyday shenanigans, or some weird dangerous event happens like someone killing off witches or Roman’s daughter getting kidnapped, forcing Logan out of retirement and Virgil into using some of those weird bottles of blood he’s been holding onto. Big or small. Who knows? Not me. This is just an outline for the au who knows if I’ll actually do anything with it

[addictedforbooksquad]

P I C K (S)  O F  T H E  M O N T H: O C T O B E R

Lie by Natalia Jaster

Villains series by V.E. Schwab

Wolfsong by TJ Klune

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Fall by Kristen Callihan

Scotland or Bust by Kira Archer

Dating the Enemy by Nicole Williams

Save the Date by Morgan Matson

Lie by Natalia Jaster

Genres: New Adult, Fantasy, Romance

Links: goodreads | amazon

Synopsis:

Once upon a time, there lived a liar... In the Kingdom of Autumn, Aspen is a girl of the trees. She’s a girl who knows her way around a falsehood. She’s the artful liar who steals from the Crown. Once upon a time, there lived a knight... In the shadows of a castle, Aire is a man of the wind. He’s a man who sees through Aspen’s treachery. He’s the relentless knight who pursues her. Once upon a time, there lived two enemies... In a fairytale woodland, a pair of mismatched souls are thrown together—only to find an unexpected bond. Both deceitful and passionate.

Why we love it:

beautiful, poetic prose

interesting, unusual take on Pinocchio

flawed, engaging characters who develop over the course of the book

their banter is entertaining as hell

heroine’s “skin condition” (so to speak) is not magically healed (at least not permanently) - she learns to love herself instead

Trigger warnings: ableism

Villains series by V.E.Schwab

Genres: Adult, Fantasy, Science-Fiction

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Victor and Eli started out as college roommates—brilliant, arrogant, lonely boys who recognized the same sharpness and ambition in each other. In their senior year, a shared research interest in adrenaline, near-death experiences, and seemingly supernatural events reveals an intriguing possibility: that under the right conditions, someone could develop extraordinary abilities. But when their thesis moves from the academic to the experimental, things go horribly wrong. Ten years later, Victor breaks out of prison, determined to catch up to his old friend (now foe), aided by a young girl whose reserved nature obscures a stunning ability. Meanwhile, Eli is on a mission to eradicate every other super-powered person that he can find—aside from his sidekick, an enigmatic woman with an unbreakable will. Armed with terrible power on both sides, driven by the memory of betrayal and loss, the archnemeses have set a course for revenge—but who will be left alive at the end?

Why we love it:

memorable cast of characters - likeable and morally grey villains, badass women

anti-hero story

a gripping, twisted tale of jealousy, ambition, murder, revenge and superpowers

interesting narrative style with timeline jumping back and forth fluidly with different perspectives

SO. MUCH. TENSION

Trigger warnings: domestic abuse, suicide, attempted rape, drug abuse, graphic violence

Wolfsong by TJ Klune

Genres: Adult, Fantasy, Paranormal, Romance

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Ox was twelve when his daddy taught him a very valuable lesson. He said that Ox wasn’t worth anything and people would never understand him. Then he left. Ox was sixteen when he met the boy on the road, the boy who talked and talked and talked. Ox found out later the boy hadn’t spoken in almost two years before that day, and that the boy belonged to a family who had moved into the house at the end of the lane. Ox was seventeen when he found out the boy’s secret, and it painted the world around him in colors of red and orange and violet, of Alpha and Beta and Omega. Ox was twenty-three when murder came to town and tore a hole in his head and heart. The boy chased after the monster with revenge in his bloodred eyes, leaving Ox behind to pick up the pieces. It’s been three years since that fateful day—and the boy is back. Except now he’s a man, and Ox can no longer ignore the song that howls between them.

Why we love it:

so many family feels!

highlights the importance of friends/family/people in your life that are not blood-related

MATES (we do love a WELL-done mates trope)

werewolves whose sexuality is fluid

angsty but worth it!

Trigger warnings: violence, death, emotional abuse

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Genres: Historical, Historical Fiction

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Marie-Laure lives in Paris near the Museum of Natural History, where her father works. When she is twelve, the Nazis occupy Paris and father and daughter flee to the walled citadel of Saint-Malo, where Marie-Laure’s reclusive great uncle lives in a tall house by the sea. With them they carry what might be the museum’s most valuable and dangerous jewel. In a mining town in Germany, Werner Pfennig, an orphan, grows up with his younger sister, enchanted by a crude radio they find that brings them news and stories from places they have never seen or imagined. Werner becomes an expert at building and fixing these crucial new instruments and is enlisted to use his talent to track down the resistance. Deftly interweaving the lives of Marie-Laure and Werner, Doerr illuminates the ways, against all odds, people try to be good to one another.

Why we love it:

beautifully haunting prose

set during WWII

two parallel stories that intertwine briefly towards the end

poetically written and full of rich details

there are so many heartwarming and heartbreaking moments

Trigger warnings: n/a

Fall by Kristen Callihan

Genres: New Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

The first time I met Jax Blackwood things went a little sideways. In my defense, I didn’t know he was Jax Blackwood—who expects a legendary rock star to be shopping for groceries? More importantly, a blizzard was coming and he was about to grab the last carton of mint-chocolate chip. Still, I might have walked away, but then he smugly dared me to try and take the coveted ice cream. So I kissed him. And distracted that mint-chip right out of his hands. Okay, it was a dirty move, but desperate times and all that. Besides, I never expected he’d be my new neighbor. An annoying neighbor who takes great pleasure in reminding me that I owe him ice cream but would happily accept more kisses as payment. An irresistible neighbor who keeps me up while playing guitar naked–spectacularly naked–in his living room. Clearly, avoidance is key. Except nothing about Jax is easy to ignore—not the way he makes me laugh, or that his particular brand of darkness matches mine, or how one look from him melts me faster than butter under a hot sun. Neither of us believes in love or forever. Yet we’re quickly becoming each other’s addiction. But we could be more. We could be everything. All we have to do is trust enough to fall.

Why we love it:

story written with SO MUCH feeling

deals with depression in a realistic way

wonderfully painful and satisfying slow-burn

actual relationship buildup, unlike the usual instalove that we see a lot in contemporaries

characters that feel very real and utterly relatable

“musician” aspect of the story is not just there, it’s a focus of some scenes

interesting and entertaining secondary characters

makes us long for the next installment!

Trigger warnings: mentions of suicide, depression

Scotland or Bust by Kira Archer

Genres: New Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

After dumping her boyfriend, Nicole Franklin impulsively jumps on a plane and heads to Europe. Sure, money and a job would have been nice to line up first. Even a visa, for that matter. So now she has to play tour guide at an Outlander experience for the most obnoxious man on the planet. Until she stumbles into the wrong bed in the middle of the night and wakes up in Harrison’s arms. Now his family thinks they’re engaged, and the entire village is betting on how long before she’ll be running for the hills. Harrison Troy has a reputation in the town for burning through assistants. And the bubbly new one he’s just hired is likely no different. But his family quickly has them “engaged.” He should be upset, but she’s the perfect buffer for his interfering family. She says she doesn’t need another man in her life--even if he comes with a castle--and that’s fine with him. So why can’t he stop thinking about the woman who is charming everyone in the town, and maybe even him?

Why we love it:

fake dating trope

set in Scotland

crazy adorable family

so many outlander and Jamie/Claire references

Trigger warnings: n/a

Dating the Enemy by Nicole Williams

Genres: Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Ms. Romance, Hannah Arden, writes one of the top read relationship advice columns in the nation. Mr. Reality, Brooks North, writes the top read relationship advice column. Ms. Romance believes in true love and soul mates. Mr. Reality believes love is a term humanity has assigned to the primal instinct to procreate. She believes in fate—he in chance. She knows there’s one right person for everyone—he knows there are multiple ones. The two writers couldn’t be more polarized on relationships. They’re professional rivals, and philosophical antagonists. For eight years, their battles have been fought with words and ink. That changes when they apply for the same position at the World Times and find themselves face-to-face for the first time. Brooks isn’t the sour-faced, antiquity of a man Hannah pictured. And Hannah isn’t exactly the middle-aged shrew with cat hair on her housedress that Brooks imagined either. In lieu of competing for the promotion traditional ways, the two writers are presented with playing the leading roles in a social experiment unlike any before. Can a person be tricked into falling in love? Can a relationship be crafted under the right string of circumstances? Hannah knows the answer. So does Brooks. Agreeing to the terms, the two set out on a three-month dating experiment, live-streamed for the world to watch. All Hannah has to do to win is not fall in love with the narcissistic brute. All Brooks has to do is get the starry-eyed dreamer to fall in love with him. Both are so confident in their philosophies, they expect the challenge to be easy. With the world watching, Brooks and Hannah will be forced to confront their beliefs and conclude, once and for all, who’s right. The answer is one neither of them saw coming.

Why we love it:

fake dating (we do have a weakness for this trope!)

interesting dynamic

likeable characters

The-Ugly-Truth-meets-The-Hating-Game premise

Trigger warnings: n/a

Save The Date by Morgan Matson

Genres: Young Adult, Romance, Contemporary

Links: goodreads | bookdepository

Synopsis:

Charlie Grant's older sister is getting married this weekend at their family home, and Charlie can't wait for the first time in years, all four of her older siblings will be under one roof. Charlie is desperate for one last perfect weekend, before the house is sold and everything changes. The house will be filled with jokes and games and laughs again. Making decisions about things like what college to attend and reuniting with longstanding crush Jesse Foster all that can wait. She wants to focus on making the weekend perfect. The only problem? The weekend is shaping up to be an absolute disaster. There's the unexpected dog with a penchant for howling, house alarm that won't stop going off, and a papergirl with a grudge. There are the relatives who aren't speaking, the (awful) girl her favorite brother brought home unannounced, and a missing tuxedo. Not to mention the neighbor who seems to be bent on sabotage and a storm that is bent on drenching everything. The justice of the peace is missing. The band will only play covers. The guests are all crazy. And the wedding planner's nephew is unexpectedly, distractedly cute. Over the course of three ridiculously chaotic days, Charlie will learn more than she ever expected about the family she thought she knew by heart. And she'll realize that sometimes, trying to keep everything like it was in the past means missing out on the future.

Why we love it:

adorable, intriguing and complex dynamic between Grant siblings

Trigger warnings: n/a

[eremji]

Thoughts on Infinity War, and Thanos' Motivation

Disclaimer: I'm not a Marvel expert. Some of my information on comic plots was collected from wikis and secondary articles, due to a lack of access to a primary source or the simple inaccuracy of my own memory. I also mostly enjoyed Infinity War, and any criticism herein should not be taken as decrying the whole.

Spoilers behind the cut. Please close your eyes and scroll super fast, block tags, duck and cover, etc. if you’re on mobile, because, seriously, spoilers.

An extremely simplified version of movie production:

From a production standpoint, Iron Man was a huge risk for the studios fronting the money for it. After critical and box office flops from 90s Batman films and other various superhero action flicks, studios typically found comic book movies to underperform in comparison to budgetary requirements for good visuals, making them unattractive. Marvel has taken a large step away from making comic book movies, to making comic book adaptations, because what works on the page doesn’t work in a moving picture.

Marvel Studios’ cinematic success has almost nothing to do with how compelling the source material is – because some of Marvel’s library is pretty much slush pile garbage. This was before your average artist or consumer realized you can get pretty literary while still having cool pictures on a page. They’re valuable because they propelled the comic industry to widespread success, but the source is best examined with a critical eye towards tone deaf and anachronistic viewpoints on race, sexuality, gender, and pretty much everything else. Marvel Studios has done a fairly consistent job of divorcing the cinematic canon from the original medium’s baggage, to which I attribute a large portion of the films’ success in comparison to very lukewarm iterations of DC or X-Men.

As media consumers, we’re accustomed to having a finished product to hold and analyze. When considering story, in terms of plotting and pacing, I personally believe it’s most helpful to compare the scope of the MCU production to be similar to that of a television show, rather than a traditional movie or movie series. It may be startling to know that even very successful television shows, like Breaking Bad or Stranger Things, often don’t even have all the episodes completely written out prior to beginning filming of a season.

Marvel Studios’ movies have been in production for ten years, with many, many different hands in the pot, and earlier scripts don’t always set up the best planting and payoff of character or plot elements later in the continuity. (For visual learners, Lindsay Ellis has a very layman-friendly example using clips from Mad Max: Fury Road.)

You can see where this might start to cause some consistency issues.

Crossover event comics and the necessary sacrifice of emotional development:

For anyone walking in to expecting Avengers: Infinity War to have a lot of character development, I’m very sorry for your loss.

There was never going to be a grand emotional reunion for Steve and Bucky, and there was never going to be whole hours dedicated to bonding and witty bickering and new friendships that weren’t absolutely vital to the plot. That we got things like the Steve-and-Bucky hug, the jealous Star-Lord vs. Thor moments, and Steve introducing himself politely to Groot were for the benefit of the audience more than advancing the plot, which is a huge victory in terms of crushing as much as possible into a theatrical cut.

A film production has a finite amount of screen time to allocate before a movie becomes bloated. When people joke about Infinity War being the most ambitious crossover event, I don’t think some of them realize how on the mark that is from a production standpoint. Hard decisions have to be made between what isn’t vital to advancing plot in a compelling way and what was retained to meet audience expectations. Infinity War often felt like it tried to recapture that Joss Whedon-ish sassy-but-kinda-flat comedy from the first Avengers, and that meant punchlines for jokes sometimes land at emotionally inappropriate times because characters just don’t have cinematic space for witty banter between shooting aliens and losing everyone they ever cared about.

There’s a difference in author-audience expectations of what’s important in these team-up movies, and also gaps between fans actively participating in fandom because they love the characters and casual moviegoers looking for a blockbuster. It all comes down to how much each party in the creative transaction is willing to settle for. Traditionally, Marvel has set up the character-driven plots and subplots in individual comics with occasional crossover cameos for a few issues when another character or baddie is relevant to the plot. The large crossover events, like Civil War, Contest of Champions, or Infinity are almost always plot-heavy and character-light.

This is so much easier in comic book format, where multiple series can be coordinated in regular, paced releases, and different comic issues may happen parallel or directly before/after the event crossovers. Movies take a significantly larger amount of time to produce, through pre-production, filming, post-production, marketing, and distribution.

A brief (I’m serious, they’ve been making comics since the 1939) explication of source material:

One of the largest disconnects for me, as a fan of both the comics and the movies, was the change in Thanos’ motivation, but not his mission. For those who aren't aware of the origins of his character, he essentially wants to murder people to impress a girl – Mistress Death, to be specific. He wants to kill half of all life in the universe so that he can be her equal and win her affection. 

Dorkly did a pretty solid breakdown of some of Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet story and the innate misogynistic slant of his character, including comic panels from the original source material, that paints comic!Thanos an internet Nice Guy™. (Feel free to skim the article; it's a bit slow to get to the point.) Perusing the comic panels, you can see Thanos is hella into negging and is spiteful when Mistress Death shows interest in another dude (spoilers: it’s Deadpool). He clearly believes love is possession, and if he can’t have what he wants, then, good golly, no one can.

He’s also really off the rails – dubbed the Mad Titan even before his objectification mega crush on a badass corpse with a wicked bod – and is personally responsible for destroying Titan. He’s not a villain that believes he’s the hero, and this shift away from his motivation being dangerous-and-horrible to dangerous-and-misguided casts the first shadow on the premise.

My (very personal) opinion on the execution:

MCU essentially played keep away with some of the more supernatural elements of the source material, at least until introducing Dr. Strange. In doing so they had to construct Thanos’ motivation for a comic-book-inspired task out of whole cloth. There is no Mistress Death. Secondary characters that were discrete entities are often pulling double duty*.

(*Or triple. See also: Bucky Barnes, who is wearing the backstory of Captain America's gay best friend Arnie Roth and now White Wolf. If you were previously unaware of this factoid, please enjoy the irony that Marvel’s biggest pro-American propaganda piece had an openly gay best friend circa early 80s but Civil War ham-fistedly had to work in that awkward-as-fuck smooch between Steve and Peggy Carter’s hot young romantic surrogate niece.)

So, okay, they have to reinvent Thanos, who we've only seen in a handful of post-credit scenes and vicariously learned, through Loki in the first Avengers movie and then Gamora in Guardians, is a conqueror and also really Bad News™.

I buy everything so far. And why not? Black Panther made me love Killmonger and his rage, and the parallels to contemporary issues made him fairly empathetic without highlighting that his perspective was necessarily the ‘correct’ one. Similarly, Spider-Man: Homecoming’s villain, Vulture, was believable in the sort of suffering everyman-turned-desperate way, highlighting the fallout of the Space Invaders vs. Avengers destruction without suggesting the audience should root for Vulture.

In general, I am on board for these movies going straight for the throat on the big baddies of the comic universe because movie production is lengthy, expensive, and time-consuming. Dear Marvel Studios, Give me Avengers vs. Dr. Doom. Love, Me.

A villain can be built up over the course of a single movie (or two). Armed with this optimism, and heartened by recent Marvel Studios successes in characterization, I walked into Infinity War expecting as much gratuitous violence, universe-cleansing genocide, and genuine fear of Thanos as I could possibly expect from something Disney-adjacent.

I knew people were going to die. Let me say – there was no way to spoil this for me. The Infinity Gauntlet comic series starts with half the universe dying. I expected there to be ‘casualties’ and even though the Russo bros said that this wasn’t two parts of the same movie, it’s certainly serial. At minimum, I was expecting Thanos bent on conquering the cosmos, worshiping at the altar of death in the abstract, if not groveling for an inevitable-cosmic-force-turned unattainable woman.

And yet. And yet.

We got the purple version of the Kool-Aid man with some seriously unaddressed parent-child issues (mirrored in Tony Stark’s loss of Peter Parker) and a wholly unimaginative motivation. I won’t go too far much into the movie’s alarming efforts at framing Thanos as a sympathetic character despite his genocidal and horribly abusive tendencies, because I am A) not an expert at identifying film technique and B) the push for Thanos to be an empathetic villain has been analyzed elsewhere.

Phenomenal, limitless cosmic power and all you want to do is break shit? For all the immaturity of it, Thanos’ comic book motivation was more believable.

To those arguing that the his motivations in the movie are predicated off of him being the Mad Titan and therefore not rooted in logic: The film did not explicitly plant the idea – except in the way that we know genocide is bad due to an innate sense of morality – that he was unhinged and power-mad, nor did they really give the audience any payoff.

Instead, we get, ‘I don’t really want to do this, but I must.’

There was a point where I started wondering why the hell he wasn’t just being steadily roasted by the Avengers for not receiving some sort of basic education in the evils of wealth disparity and resource distribution.

As an audience member, was I meant to believe this incredibly powerful entity at the center of a massive fleet, accompanied by a group of talented and sycophantic followers, couldn’t think of a better way to bring ‘balance’ to the universe?

Perhaps Thanos’ justification is simply the conceit of the way the universe operates, required to propel a plot forward. However, this is also poorly explained. There are many unanswered questions: Why is it a given that killing half the universe will create balance? What does balance look like? Is this state permanent or is it a routine, necessary evil in order to stop entropy? Is balance a socioeconomic state, or does it have some greater cosmological significance? We know that Titan fell after rejecting Thanos’ extreme solution, but would the population have actually endured and flourished if his plan had been carried out?

For a movie that did so well at handling a cast so phenomenally large as the one involved in its production, Infinity War really didn’t go in very hard on selling Thanos. I would have been perfectly happy if Marvel Studios had taken the risk to lean in hard on making the movie Thanos-centric, given Thanos even more screen time to develop his character, motives, and the rules of the universe – and then make Avengers 4 about, you know, the actual avenging.

Parting notes:

What are we left with?

Infinity War gifted us with some badass action clips, a fairly jarring death performance by Tom Holland, Cheerful Goatherd Bucky Barnes, and emotionally traumatizing bubbles. It never really sells the conundrum it sets up via Thanos. You'll never hear me insist a peice of art or entertainment is required to carry some sort of social commentary or moral message, but I feel like this could have been, tonally, a vastly different film had it considered the core of Thanos' motivations the same way it considered Vulture's or Killmonger's.

Also, where the hell is Adam Warlock (set up at the end of GotG: Vol. 2; revisit planting and payoff) to shit talk Thanos’ lack of villainous veracity when we need him?

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN BLACKWELL

You don't win fights by thinking of big ideas but by thinking of tricks that work in one particular case. I think this will be the limit; the number of spams that have been readjusted. That's normal for startups. A good trick for bypassing the schlep and to some extent, yes. In addition to their intrinsic value, they're like undervalued stocks in the sense that I have wondered about it for themselves, rely instead on the opinions of the elite in this country think of taste as something elusive, or even perhaps look where he's going while he's thinking about some interesting question. Maybe if you do, talk to them, equalled big, honking Windows apps. Having people around you and ask yourself which you'd like to work with. The computer would be just as much. I never considered it till this summer, but this was in the spring of 1998, before Google was founded, the conventional wisdom. It depends on what works to treat as property. You can't fight market forces forever. But Apple doesn't understand that either.

I just wanted to hack. In fact, so unconsciously that you don't have to be aggressive about user acquisition when you're small, you'll probably grow, your price will go up, and the bureaucratic obstacles all medical startups face, they'll be able to see things from the user's point of view anyway. The phenomenon isn't limited to books. 1 was, if I was interested in AI a hot topic then, he told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up in and that of a successful startup is going to love, and spend less than you make. They're not very common, but the relative importance of determination and flexibility you need is good hackers: when something's broken, they need to run spreadsheets on it, or do something because that's what you need as a hacker I can't help thinking about how something broken could be fixed within a few months old and doesn't have a probability for it. When Bauhaus designers adopted Sullivan's form follows function, but I don't know any technology companies that have already launched or can launch during YC. I know who favor markets are Marc, Jawed Karim, and Joe Kraus. Part of what he meant was that in some ways we were a step ahead of Venezuela. Successful founders are in love with their companies. It's not just that if you get a lot of valuable advice about business, and they're begging not to be at the very beginning.

You're doing the same thing. The first time I wrote that paragraph, instead of going to an elite college; you learn more from them than the professors. But I remember thinking his company's name was odd. Fourth, they calculated probabilities differently. But we invest in such a roundabout way that the ones you never hear of deals where a VC invests $6 million at a time. What students lack in experience they more than make up in dedication. What does it mean, exactly? IBM. All they saw were carefully scripted campaign spots. There was a good time to start a startup as a 19 year old. For example, knowing what to make, it's mere effort to make software incompatible.

So in practice big companies only get to develop technology in fields where large capital requirements prevent startups from competing with them. But it's not because liberals are smarter that this is only done to suspected spams. In the software world, this idea is known as Worse is Better is found throughout the arts. Most founders who get contacted by corp dev already know what the basic human reaction to a piece of software. Trevor Blackwell is a great artist: it's the one time that hacking is the applied version of what theoretical computer science is the theory of computation about as much as any startup needs initially. It has become one of the few, artificial, easy tests they've faced in life so far. I'm not even sure what they want will also tend to increase it sufficiently the next time you need to simplify and clarify, and the policeman at the intersection of ambition and incompetence: people want to live in the boring sprawl of the valley proper, or live in San Francisco wearing a jeans and a t-shirt, they're nice to you; who knows who you might be able to describe it is all the different kinds of work. The name of a variable or function is an element; a segment of literal text is an element; an element of subjection. White than from an academic philosopher. If I'm right, then it is spam.

But the idea terrified me at first. So rule number zero is: these rules exist for a reason. Miraculously it all turned out ok. When you list everything ambitious people are ambitious about, it's not Lisp that sucks, but Common Lisp. Founders never really liked giving up as much equity as VCs do now. The mathematicians don't seem bothered by this. It was not until Hotmail was launched a year later and say I want to spend as little time inside the minds of spammers as possible. Investors don't like trying to run through people. We're taking on some consulting projects, but we're not willing to admit. The one possible exception are things like working in fast food. But there might be some businesses that it would be better off taking a class on, say, 1970, I think, because they're already running through that in their current state they have nothing to lose. Better check.

If they make your life difficult. The desire for speed is so deeply engrained in us, with our puny computers, that it made sense to invest in startups Y Combinator has been an unprecedented opportunity for learning how to write. It could be interesting to eavesdrop on people, but diluted by a sixth. It would have been happy if just one of the inventors of the transistor. Isaac Newton Newton has a strange syntax as because it has no relation to what you build for them. 20th century cohesion disappeared because of few policy tweaks, we'll be increasingly unable to rely on cold calls and introductions. Your Research which I recommend to anyone ambitious, no matter how inexperienced you seem or how unpromising your idea sounds at first, room to recover from mistakes is a valuable tool in painting too, though perhaps none of them agreed with everything in it. In a sense, when this happens, of wasting something precious. Unfortunately there's no antonym of hapless, which makes software free; the web has made marketing and distribution free; and more powerful programming languages mean development teams can be smaller. Most of the people.

Are there walkable neighborhoods? The informal delivery mechanism was me, showing up in jeans and t-shirts. The paintings that were popular at the low end and the high end, but not design it. Cram schools turn wealth in one generation into credentials in the next 40 years than it does now. I suspect. And the spammers would also, of course, but someone who really devoted himself to work could generate ten or even hundreds of microcancers going at once, because you will never again be so productive. Prognosis Who will win, the super-angels seem to care at all about it. And so ten years ago trying to sell the company. It was as if I'd told him how much girls liked Barry Manilow in the mid 2000s. Why should anyone care about a startup making $3000 a month do not mean the company has all the elements of a good programming language. And if there are any axioms that could be taught better by itself. Really, Google was funded with angel money.

Most startups coming out of organs not designed for that purpose. The only real difference between adults and high school, I let myself believe that my job was to be driven by how well you do in college would be like drinking from a firehose. Dropbox wasn't rejected by all the East Coast VCs. Everyone's model of work is a facebook exclusively for college students. If your city isn't already a startup hub. That's a reasonable proxy for revenue growth because whenever the startup does start trying to maximize this. That cap need not simply rise monotonically. The reason the filters caught them was that both companies in January switched to commercial email senders instead of sending the mails from their own startups and those working for money. I know delivering a prewritten talk your attention is always divided between the audience and the talk—even if you succeed, you'll have the most to lose, seem to see the better idea when it arrives. Increasingly it will mean the end of the Bubble showed that generic business guys don't make such great stuff, but also like an undervalued stock in that so few founders know whether they're default alive or default dead is that the percentage of the company if he'd let us have it. They use the same word for a brilliant or a horribly cheesy solution. I have to give them your full attention.

[dictacontrion]

Hi! I hope you don't mind this ask; it's a little awkward and I'd understand if you didn't answer it. But I was wondering if your popularity was something you had to learn to deal with as you became more well known within the fandom and, if so, how you did that? More specifically, did/do you ever find yourself struggling as someone people look up to in the fandom, and the sort of implicit responsibility toward others that can be perceived to come with it? 1 of 2 (sorry!)

2/2 I know it seems horribly ungrateful, but I’m just starting to become better known and I’m beginning feel overwhelmed at times. My readers/followers are the loveliest people ever, but the expectation I feel–to read and rec, to answer asks, to socialize–just seems like a lot sometimes. I would never want to hurt anyone by ignoring them but is there any way to strike a balance?  I’m sorry, I know even asking puts you in the same position; no worries if you decide not to answer, really.            

That’s a really good question, anon, and a bit tricky to answer, but I hopesome of this will be helpful.

Yeah, I do sometimes find it stressful and exhausting, and do find that theexpectations can be difficult. I don’t think that’s ungrateful – you sound verygrateful! – though I completely know what you’re talking about and understand andhave had (and have felt bad about) that feeling. It is hard to be in a positionwhere lots of people come at you with requests and expectations, and where whatyou say might be scrutinized, and it can get overwhelming even when all of thepeople you’re talking to are entirely wonderful.

The most helpful thing for me has been thinking about what it means to be(to use your language; I find it surreal and sort of unbelievable to think ofmyself in these terms) a role model.

Thing is, it feels to me as though this corner of fandom has a veryspecific, and pretty narrow, ethos around what it means to be good:friendliness, responsiveness, accessibility, enthusiasm, positivity,easygoingness/willingness to go with the flow, and maintaining a happy-go-luckyvibe.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, anon, but that’s not really how I do. Tryingto do that would be exhausting forme. I’d probably have double the followers and be blocked by half as manypeople if I did, but I would be tired and stressed and I would spend a lot oftime doing types of fan labor I don’t find fulfilling and am not interested indoing and I would hate being here. And I don’t think I’d have made the friendsI’ve made, because they wouldn’t have an honest sense of who I am and how Ithink, and I wouldn’t be able to (or, tbh, want to) sustain friendships that arebased on performing a persona that wouldn’t really be me.

I also don’t think that’s a really super unequivocally awesome way to be? Ifyou value going along and getting along and being positive above all else, youcan end up getting mired in some pretty fucked up shit – supporting ideas youmight not really believe if you stopped to think critically, perpetuatingnarratives and ideas that you might not actually like because they’re what’spopular, becoming a person who you don’t really want to be in order to maintainthat approval, all that jazz.

There’s a point at which trying to be, or trying to seem to be, that fandomideal of a nice, friendly, popular blogger can get destructive. To you, becauseit’s exhausting and doesn’t leave room to vent and breathe and be and get whatyou want out of fandom. And to everyone else, because it perpetuates animpossible standard and can put the kibosh on important community reflection.

So when it comes to thinking about the kind of behavior I’d want to model,and the behavior it’s been meaningful and helpful to me to see other peoplemodel, it’s sometimes pretty antithetical to that “everyone’s happy andeverything’s great and we all get along all the time” vibe and that expectationthat you’ll always read and rec and socialize and be enthusiastic about andinto and prioritizing fan activities.

Things I’d rather model, and that it’s been really important for me to seeother people model: having boundaries; asking critical questions, being willingto have and able to respectfully engage difficult conversations; being openabout the negative as well as the positive parts of different experiences;taking time away when tumblr gets overwhelming; prioritizing happiness overexpectations. Being honest, and not just about the things other people want tosee and hear.

I don’t think I’m the only person who needs to see that, or who finds itreassuring to know that other people are imperfect too. Or that other peoplethink critically about our collective project in addition to loving it. Or thatother people have boundaries and say no to things. Or that – important! –youcan not be super friendly and bubblyall the time and still have friends and still be a valuable and cared-for partof a community.

To be clear for purposes of tumblr, I don’t mean to say that people shouldbe cruel or unkind or disrespectful. That’s not okay.

But it is not cruel or unkind to have boundaries and take time for yourself. It is okay to say no torequests. It is okay to take timeaway. It is okay to let asks sit inyour inbox or let messages go unanswered when you don’t have the time orbandwidth. It is possible that that will hurt other people’s feelings, and Idon’t have a good solution for that – that’s just hard, and it sucks, and itfeels shitty, especially when, as you say, so many followers and readers arewonderful and, given the time and energy, I’d love to give every one of them myfull focus all the time. But it’s also a fact of human existence that we can’tbe everything to everyone and that sometimes people’s feelings get incidentallyhurt, and ultimately it is our own responsibility to take care of ourselves andtheir responsibility to take care of themselves and make sure that theirwell-being doesn’t rest on a blogger’s availability/responsiveness. If it getsto a point where you have to choose between caring for other people and caringfor yourself, it is okay to choose yourself. It is important to choose yourself.

I know that’s not always easy. A lot of us have been taught that that isunkind and not okay to have boundaries, that our job (especially, for many ofus, as women) is to care for others and put their needs before our own and thatthat’s what it means to be Good. But reader? That’s bullshit. There are so manyother things that are more important – that are more good – than being superfriendly and available to everyone who wants your time and energy. And imo, wedo ourselves and each other a service by refusing to implicitly support theidea that trying to be everyone’s combination mom/sister/bestie/cheerleader isa necessary precondition of being a good person or a popular person or a likedperson.

As to how – one step at a time. By thinking about how you want to spend yourtime and constructing your days to make that happen. By practicing saying no inlittle increments and building up. By following other people who take charge oftheir fandom experience so that it’s something you see and so you’re remindedit’s okay. If it helps, you can put something in your bio saying that you’llget to things when you can but it might be a while or everyone but you still lovehearing from people, or to write a post saying that you’re going to be reccingless so you don’t burn out. People will adjust. It will be okay. If you’rehappier, it will be more than okay.  

tl;dr: when it comes to being a role model or a visible figure or whatever,doing it honestly – being unapologetic about who you are and whatyou need and like and want – is powerful, and healthy, and important, and good.Good for you, and good for other people to see. If trying to meet those expectations is making you unhappy, stop tryingto meet those expectations. Do tumblr in ways that feels good for you. It willmake your experience better, and help other people, in ways you can’t even knowuntil you try it.

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 5: “Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise.” - Lysandre

Felix

I'm kind of glad Raul is gone. To me, he was the biggest liability in all the alliances I had with him. It is just a shame to see someone I made an alliance with early in this game get eliminated like that. However, now that means Marie will continue to be a target for Cassie at merge, and I can still work with Lysandre. They are a valuable asset to me. I would not want to bring them to the end, but I would love to take them as far as I could to ensure my own safety. Right now, if it is a final 3 scenario, I want to take Flint and Joey since they seem the least active and the most trustworthy. Plus, they don't seem to have games at the moment, but I'll have to keep an eye on that as we go along. Final 2 scenario for me is definitely with Joey though at his point in the game. 

Boris

"Sorry for my lack of confessionals lately. Just literally nothing is happening. My tribe basically died completely as far as activity goes and I'm just sitting pretty until merge anyways so!

Yeah go me woo"

Felix

"I don't want to summarize. So take this chat log instead. 

TLDR: Joey confirms to me that we're ride or dies which makes my FTC plans more possible. He wants Sumi to win the challenge and for either Mea or us to go to tribal. I want us to go to tribal because, well, I don't trust Charlie to remain loyal to us.

What do you think about all that's happened?

Joey, 8:10 PM: i think we're the only ones who have never been to tribal

8:10 PM: Yeah I think so!

Joey, 8:10 PM: what's the tribe that's not mea

8:10 PM: Sumi

Joey, 8:10 PM: yeah i think at merge it's gonna be based on tribal lines

8:11 PM: Mea will defintely be the people in the middle. We need to reel them in if we want to stay the majority based on tribal lines

Joey, 8:11 PM: exactly that's why i'm wondering if losing the next challenge would be bad for us

8:13 PM: Yeah someone will have to lose it. If Sumi loses then they have 4 against our 5. But that means Mea will want to work with them more since we'd be a threat due to our size. Though if we lose, then we have to convince Mea on the same principles to vote out a person from Sumi. It's kind of a tricky situation to be in. But hen if Mea goes to tribal again, then that'd just be one person to convince but then it'd be deadlocked

I think this might be the most important immunity pre-merge

Joey, 8:14 PM: i agree like honestly best case scenario is Mea loses again lol but i think if sumi loses we could be in trouble obviously i'm loyal to the four but above all you're my ride or die man

8:15 PM: Are you suggesting that you throw the challenge? Tsk tsk how unsportmanlike lol. But I wouldn't mind it. The worst that happens is that we vote out Charlie

Joey, 8:15 PM: i hate throwing challenges lmao but i think it depends on the challenge i think regardless of what happens we want sumi to win make them the threats

8:16 PM: I think so too. Whatever direction you take this in, I'll follow. And you're my ride or die too! I've bonded with you the most out of everyone here and think you're awesome!

I'll trust your instincts on how to tackle this immunity. Good luck either way!

Joey, 8:17 PM: haha i appreciate it man!! we'll definitely touch base and see what happens "

Felix

This eraser will definitely help out at merge, especially those early votes. I think I'll use it the second merge starts just to make sure we have the numbers to kick out someone from Sumi. It sucks that I didn't get one of those big advantages tho

Flint

That auction was cut throat, woof! 

Marie

"Hi, I’m Spencer from Cagayan you might of heard of me as the most unlucky survivor player ev-

NO BITCH MOVE OUTTA THE WAY ITS ME MARIE. O k, so my tribe is already down to 2 people. And now our chances are even worse?????????? Wow I have horrible intuition "

Cassie

Well that auction was a bit of a bust for me personally, but as for our five person unit it wasn't too bad. After I brought in a ten percent overall disadvantage for the next immunity, Joey scored big with that advantages. Plus Felix as well. I still believe in the Tuai power!

Joey

So I had a chat with Felix earlier today about the game. At this point I've coasted very easily through pre-merge since i have yet to attend a tribal council, but as the individual game approaches, it's time to go from a direct UTR/MOTR to a CPM legend! Obviously, Sumi and Tuai are pretty evenly placed going into the merge, but personally I think we're the bigger threat. We've never lost a challenge nor attended tribal together, so it's a lot easier for us to band together with numbers and I think the other tribes are smart enough to see that. So, I was throwing around the idea of potentially throwing the next challenge and booting Charlie so that we would go into merge with a numbers disadvantage to Sumi and have a lot of swaying power for the Mea duo. However, with my challenge advantage as well as Felix's vote eraser, we have a lot of opportunities opening up that we can hopefully capitalize on!

Flint

Turns out my machete advantage from the auction holds no power. So now I have to decide, tell people that I didn’t receive an advantage or lie about it and create a fake advantage to gain favor in the game. I’m a terrible liar but I think I should create some lie to help gain insight from others

Bradley

I am truly a mess and Jay deserves better. Been dealing with life changing stuff and its been keeping me away from checking in the game. I got a strike and its my first one ever and i feel so bad. Gunna try harder but still dealing with stiff so we’ll see.

Lysandre

"Oh boi I hope your'e ready for a thicc confessional. So I survived last round miraculously! Marie didn't vote me out lmaooo. 

The reward challenge is here!! And the reward is an Auction!! I'm heading into the auction trying to snag something so that I can at least boost ability to navigate in the game. Some notable things from the auction: Joey gets a 15% advantage in the challenge, Felix gets to negate a vote, Marie gets a 10% disadvantage in the challenge hjefwkbvkaevbkj.fe bdka and Boris gets to pick someone from any tribe for a movie night. 

I SNAGGED AN EXTRA VOTE at the AUCTION AND HOW I DID IT WAS ICONIC. So me and like 5 people bid on the same item and it got randomized 3 times and I picked spot number 4 to be the winner. The person in spot number 4 was none other than LYSANDRE. AHA!! 

Now the speculation begins. Charlie bought a mask and I believe that the mask holds the ability for her to see the votes for one round. I have no idea what Apollo has but it may be an exile pass or like a clue to merge idol?? I think the first tho. Also who the hell knows what Brianna has. I believe Flint bought the power to give someone a disadvantage.

OMG BORIS PICKED ME FOR THE MOVIE. This is literally the best outcome I can think of. During the short time that I was on another tribe I really clicked well with Boris and I liked him a bunch. I really want him to be my ride or die moving forward into the game. I'd love to hear who he's close with and could pull me in with. I also want to gain a lot of his trust by willing off my extra vote to him since I have my idol. the only way I would do that is if I tell him about my having an idol . 

JAY RELEASED THE CHALLENGE AND IM IN SUCH A CRISIS. It's Duolingo which is really oof. What makes it Biig OOOOF is the fact that we are learning the language of Game of Thrones or something. Do I look Like Arya or something???? So in order to drag me AND Marie into the merge I'm going to have to speak like the Valyrian, eat like the Valyrian, become the Valyrian, experience Valyrian. "

Lysandre

Marie is kind of a liability. She publicly announces things that shouldn't be announced and she now knows about my extra vote even tho its obvi. She was cute until she started anti returnee propoganda dbkvka l  but I probably will keep her around unless we lose and battle.

Marie

Lys and I have a fire lit under our asses, but maybe that’s what we need to get our tribe of two to win

Bryan 

I. Hate. Duolingo. So much. I hate being one of the two people participating. And I hate that Bradley is never online and is probably gonna barely contribute so it all rests to me. That sounds rude. If Bradley does end up contributing I will make an apology confession. 

Felix

With recent news that we are losing majorly in this challenge, it seems Tuai might have to go to tribal for the first time in this game. The vote would obviously go towards Charlie, but what if she has an idol? I have an idol, but is that the only idol on the island? Things get crazier and crazier everyday but I am hopeful that things turn out alright. I really do hope she gets eliminated if we go to tribal, then we can make it to merge

Lysandre

People call me Lys now. I guess Lys is short for Lysol because I stay cleaning these bitches 

Charlie 

"I have a feeling I might be voted out this round, I think it has to do with how im performing in challenges

Boris

"that auction... whew!! So many hidden powers that's def gonna fuck me up in the future. And all I got was a pair of $400 movie tickets. The most EXPENSIVE movie i've ever seen, and it's gonna be a documentary about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lmao. 

I chose Lysandre for the movie night bc? They're my fave from our fake swap tribe and even though they probably don't have a lot of juicy tea to spill because they're on Mea, I might as well start trying to build a strong relationship to prepare for merge"

Boris

also I was kinda worried about Brianna and Bradley having to compete in this next challenge for us because they sat out last time but so far it looks okay? Brianna seems to be doing #that and Tuai is trudging behind, which is perFECT because it'd give Sumi a numbers advantage in the merge. so yeah! come thru!

Apollo

2 things. Thank god I don’t have to compete in the duolingo challenge and I am so lucky to have received the extra vote. With a super idol and a vote steal and who knows what else out there, any extra advantage that’s out there? From now on? I’ll take it. I have the time to complete the challenge but not the patience nor the desire to. The gag is if Brianna or Bradley don’t put up enough effort and we lose? They don’t know that it’s their asses on the line. If we lost I think Brianna should go since she’s more of a threat than Bradley could ever be. Bradley will end up being loyal to us if we lose. It’s convoluted but if we lose my plan is. Convince Brianna and Bradley to vote for Zest. Convince Brianna that’s zest is voting for her. Convince Brianna that Zest has an idol and to vote Bradley in case Zest isn’t lying. Actually vote Brianna along with Borris and Zest. Brianna leaves in a 3-1-1 vote. Bradley would be shook and thankful that we saved him and we’d tell him afterwards that Brianna wanted him out. Then we’re a strong foursome with a goat in Bradley. Would I like to execute this plan? Yes, absolutely. But winning immunity would be just as satisfying. 

Cassie

Waiting on results for this challenge has left me feeling quite nervous. Both Charlie and Joey have their reasons for not being able to catch up as much and it makes me more nervous. I don’t like feeling this way.

Marie

OH MY GOD WE MIGHT NOT GO TO TRIBAL, but then again those might be my famous last words

Lysandre

"So this duolingo challenge is agonizing but I'm giving it all I have so that me and Marie can rock this thing. She wants us to get 1st place because she thinks that the last two tribes will both be going to tribal council. I would agree with her and I'm aiming for first. 

Also can't wait for my movie night with Boris to begin!! I know its going to be good and I plan on solidifying something with him!"

Brianna 

2nd place. But we still have to go to tribal. Ugh. Um. Kind of don’t know what’s gonna happen. Probably gonna be zest or Bradley. 

Felix

Charlie is gone. Or she will be. There's no way the Tuai Quad LLC will vote for each other. Unless we are snakes in the grass. Also, this double tribal council is iconic. Now the stakes are even going into merge. Let's see how this goes

Cassie

Well damn. I had a feeling we wouldn’t make it without a tribal, at least as a whole tribe. It seemed as though the disadvantage didn’t matter too much though as we were below Sumi anyways. Tonight should be the easy vote, I hope.

Marie

THE TRIBE OF TWO LIVES ON!

Felix

"Flint does not trust Joey which is understandable. I mean he doesn't trust Charlie either, but he hasn't talked to either extensively. Joey seems to not have a social game which proves that he is the perfect goat to bring to FTC (at least in this stage in the game). I have no doubt that Charlie will go since Cassie has already cast her vote, and Joey will vote Charlie since he's the other one on the chopping block. I will also vote Charlie. That 3-2 if Flint goes against us. But that most likely will not happen. 

Cassie is so smug. She already cast her vote for Charlie. She cannot fathom us betraying her. She thinks she is in charge of this tribe which might be true. But she's got me so close that she can't see the snakes in her garden. It's infested honey! Flint already has doubts about the alliance, and I'm already plotting your downfall. Her garden of snakes will be the end of her!"

Lysandre

"Wow I can't believe that me and Marie are in the lead for this challenge!!

And my movie night with Boris was a huge success from it I learned that he has half of a super idol and he found an advantage that allowed him to see how many alliances a person was in and he chose Felix and revealed it was 2 alliances he was in. I first had to share my extra vote with him and we were solid.  We started watching Knock Down The House documentary on Netflix and so Alexandria Ocasio Cortez or AOC for short was the icon that we bonded over. Since I had already seen the documentary I had just opened my duolingo in another tab and continued that lmao I refuse to lose!! Towards the end when AOC won I decided to really really solidify things with Boris by telling him about my idol. LITTLE DID I KNOW Boris the Brute had an idol as well!! From that point we decided to really work together and share our collective power. 

Other notable events during movie night include an exposing Felix party as well as Briana possibly having the other part to the idol. Oh and Me and Boris also decided to name our alliance after AOC. Thats our final 2.. the AOC FINAL 2!!"

Lysandre

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Me and Marie WON!!! Mea WINS and we get to avoid fire making!!! Also Marie was right! The losing TWO tribes went to tribal. SO WE DID THAT by getting first place. Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise. 

Now that we won I can't help but hope that Boris survives. He needs to up his social game or else he's in trouble. Apparently his social game is ok at best because Apollo didnt tell him what his advantage was and yet Boris claims they are close so what is the truth. 

Meanwhile me and Marie are discussing the game and our potential future at a merge and a strategy that may work for us. Lets go Mysandre and Lysoris!!

Flint

Ugh this is a tough loss and I’m so torn on what to do. I’ve heard both Joey and Charlie’s names being thrown out as an option. I was close with Joey at the beginning but we’ve seem to have drifted apart. Charlie did better in the challenge so that could also factor into my vote. With all the auction items on the table and talk of a potential merge this could be an interesting tribal. 

Apollo

Imagine, me, finally getting the opportunity to play with Zib Zab. Imagine, me, thinking she was Karen in the beginning of the game. I think Boris is my mom. And if she’s not, And she is Karen, well, she’s doing a great job of being incognito

Marie

It’s so weird not planning for tribal, I’m so proud of lys and myself

Colin

"Last nights movie date has me SHOOK. Im so glad I picked Lysandre, we built such a strong connection in the limited time we were allowed to spend together, and I think despite us barely having time to connect I can consider them my biggest ally, even across tribal lines, so I hope we can both make it to merge in one piece!! 

Lysandre gave me so much info last night; Felix is playing hard asf, there WERE alliances made on one world and the fake swap that I wasnt included in, and both Lysandre and I have our tribe's idols. 

Knowing all of this is a game changer, I have to adapt my strategy to how everyone else is playing and hope it works out in my favor. "

Boris

ALSO this double tribal is ugly at. Bradley did the absolute bare minimum to not get a strike but we all see how poorly hes performing. Ugh I want him gone so badly so that we can have a strong tribe going into merge. Apollo and Zest are giving me a little push back, insisting Brianna is more of a threat but i don't care!! We got way bigger threats to worry about when merge hits!! We need to make it through as a stronger tribe, not a weaker one

Felix

Welp, she's gone. I wonder how things will go for Sumi. I'm just excited to make it to the merge!

Flint 

The last tribal went off as hoped with no idols or funny business played. I feel bad for voting Charlie out but I can’t play with my heart and need to toughen up to make it far in this game. 

Lysandre

It feels so good to not have a tribal or fire to worry about?? I am really relieved lol. It looks like Charlie left and thats ok because I didn't even know the person. I just hope Boris doesn't die lmao. I hope he uses his idol this round though.

Apollo

"https://media1.tenor.com/images/224ee4a75a647fa6154d57dfada003ac/tenor.gif?itemid=13920223

I suppose I’ll be a passenger for now. Brianna is going to stay and Bradley will be leaving if all goes according to plan. I’ll let Borris take control so that he becomes a bigger target than I come the merge. I love Borris but I guess I would cut him if it was a f2. I’m going to try and use this time to try and get Zest to be my f2 partner."

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON SIGNAL’S LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCE ADAM MOON...

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 22 DEBUT AGE: N/A TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 20 COMPANY: KJH SECONDARY SKILL: N/A

IDOL PROFILE

NICKNAME(S): addy, aj, jun, junnie, kyu INSPIRATION: his primary inspiration is simply his love for performing and listening to music. he is a fan of all genres, but some of his favorites throughout the years have been phil collins, the beatles, the gazette, and utada hikaru. he yearns to perform and compose music as good as theirs SPECIAL TALENTS:

languages — he is fluent in english, korean, and japanese. in the future, he wants to learn others.

imitations/impressions — to name a few: donald duck, goofy, mickey mouse, a motorcycle/racecar, a helicopter, and characters in the super mario universe.

ping pong — it started out as a fun game to play during breaks at school, but then he learned that he was good at it. these days, he finds any excuse to play, and when he does, it’s competitive.

NOTABLE FACTS:

he was born in toronto, canada and moved to osaka, japan at age 6.

he can play bass, guitar, and piano.

throughout junior high and high school, he was the bassist and vocalist for a 5-member rock band formed by his neighbor. he was known (among classmates and people familiar with the band) for wearing a bandana over his eyes and playing bass blindfolded.

he was a contestant on kpop star season 6 and got 5th place.

he has a bookshelf dedicated to his manga collection.

IDOL GOALS

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

his most pressing short-term goal is the same as most every other trainee’s — making a debut. while he hasn’t been a trainee for very long, he is determined to strut his stuff and show his company and future fans what he is made of. in addition, he also wishes to apply for university soon and study music composition. he has some experience with songwriting as a hobby, and he wants to hone and apply that skill to his future career.

LONG-TERM GOALS:

first and foremost, he wishes for prestige and success in whichever direction his journey takes him. his hope is to debut in a group within his current company — and in a group that has a powerful and meaningful presence. not a low-ball gig that takes the entirety of his prime years to break even. truly, he wants other idols and fans alike to know his name, recognize his face and be aware of the accomplishments he makes in the future. he won’t settle for just being another boy group member. he’s determined to be known as a risen star — one of the most skilled and balanced idols of his generation.

IDOL IMAGE

there’s a charm about adam moon that makes it hard for people to look away. maybe it’s his good looks, the way his eyes and smile seem to shine brighter than the lights aimed at him while he’s performing on a stage. he’s promising, and he knows it. two years ago, he may not have agreed, but he’s aware of his worth now, and he doesn’t want to be taken for granted.

the brand kjh makes of adam, if he can have it his way, should reflect who he is in real life. likable by anybody, trustworthy, determined, confident. being forced to act while under the watchful eye of fans and media isn’t the life he wants to live. the real adam moon wants to live on and off stage as the same man, free from leaving anybody wondering if he’s a fraud. but in addition, he hopes fans never learn about what happened with his father that horrible day when he was a child.

he wishes to be seen as well-rounded, an idol that would draw in all types of fans — international, local, male, female, young, old. he wants to be the member of a boy group that fans feel they can trust, one that will openly take their hand during a fanmeet and wish them luck on their upcoming exams with a genuine smile. he’d leave them spellbound with the simplest curve of his lips — any gesture to express his love on stage, be it a finger heart, wink, or a slightly modified choreography to incorporate his own flair.

but he doesn’t want it to stop there. his charms won’t end with meaningful face-to-face interactions, cute selcas wishing his fans sweet dreams, or viral stage fancams taking social media by storm. the duality of adam moon — the ability to flip back and forth between adorable and seductive at the snap of his fingers — gave opportunity for so much more. it meant modeling gigs, auditioning to be the face for lucrative brands, being chosen for special performance stages over other top idols. it meant being viewed as a jack of all trades — an artist who can write, play, and sing his own music with ease, an artist with an infectious smile and fiery charisma on and off stage. he wants to be everyone’s first choice when it came to promising up-and-coming male idols. the first crush of young fans, and a man that even their mothers would love. and though they couldn’t have him, their advances would only fuel him to become better and better at everything he did until he reaches the very top.

IDOL HISTORY

tw: alcoholism, abuse, parental neglect.

[ ☾ ].

adam moon hails from the beautiful wintry wonderland of canada. he grew up in a slightly less-than typical household, where police officers knew the child by name because his father was the former police chief in their toronto suburb. since retiring early from the force, adam’s father suffered rising levels of alcohol dependence, and in turn caused a lot of tensions within his family, although at the time adam was too young to understand. as a toddler and young child, he was often hand in hand with either his older brother or sister — their attempt at protecting him from their father. adam’s mother was not often in the house, using her steadily-advancing career as an excuse to keep herself out of their home and away from her husband. adam’s father was never violent — but his alcohol abuse was a habit that no member of his family wanted to be involved with. for the most part, everybody would opt for giving him his space, which was easy when they lived in a home that was considered larger than average. other than the constant yelling that took place whenever his mother was home, the majority of the memories he has of his childhood were days spent laying in his sibling’s bedrooms listening to music. he heard every genre known to man via fm radio as well as old cassettes and cds his siblings managed to collect. even if he weren’t exactly steady on his feet or fluent in his speech yet, he sang and he danced — all the time. there was something about music that seemed to move through him, and music was a language adam quickly learned to speak on his own.

[ ❆ ].

when adam was age six, on a night of a particularly bad snow storm — one of the heaviest toronto had ever seen — his mother and father got into the worst and last fight they ever had. until that day, his father never laid a hand on his mother or any of his children. in the midst of the verbal altercation, he turned violent, and when adam’s older brother stepped in to defend his mother, he was struck by his father as well. police officers ended the ordeal after someone had managed to make an emergency call.

later, young adam sat in the safety of the backseat of a cruiser with his siblings, tears welling in his eyes at the sight of his handcuffed father being pushed into another cruiser mere feet away.

“where are they taking daddy? why was he yelling at mommy again?”

“it’s going to be okay, adam. you won’t have to see him like this any more…” his older sister held the child in her embrace as he wept. he was too young to understand. it wasn’t clear to him that his own father was a danger to those around him — to adam, a piece of him was being taken away and there was nothing he could do about it. one day, though, he would understand.

that night was the last time adam ever saw his father.

days later, when the snow storm that devastated the city of toronto had settled, the scarred matriarch packed bags for herself and her children and they flew to osaka, japan to stay with adam’s aunt. she no longer felt safe being in the same country as the man who’d dealt so much damage to herself and her children, and with the passing of her own parents years ago, her older sister was the only person remaining to turn to. and thankfully, she was welcomed with open arms. adam’s aunt had lived in osaka since before he was even born — she was the lead data scientist for a reputable research facility that was located there. for a few years prior, she’d worked for a company in south korea, but after a job offer from her current employer, she decided to relocate and has worked for the company ever since.

the family continued to live in osaka after the dust had settled — a divorce was in order for adam’s parents, his mother quickly found employment with a new company executively comparable to her last, and adam was enrolled in an international school while diligently learning the japanese language. the siblings acclimated — they already had experience with two languages, having been raised to speak both english and korean, but the adjustment didn’t come quickly. adam studied long and hard, and with the life change that struck him so heavily at such a young age, he sought solace in the only recognizable thing he could: music.

his love for music led him to start learning to play bass, guitar, and piano, and at the start of junior high, he joined a small rock band that was started by his neighbor. adam spent a lot of time with his neighbor’s family, seeking valuable friendship with his bandmate and his sister, who also happened to be one of his classmates. throughout junior high, adam was earnest in his studies, but with his free time he excelled in both his music ability and with a dance crew he practiced with one day each week.

the family, in addition, had a difficult time adjusting to the tensions of living in a big japanese city as foreigners, and namely, ethnically korean foreigners. he suffered sleepless nights on many occasions over growing up in a climate where he wasn’t necessarily welcome by the general public, but in time, he had started to truly embrace the culture of japan. none of it was easy — being a canada national, ethnically korean, but holding a permanent residence in japan wasn’t supposed to be easy. it was a challenge that adam had a hard, and yet fun, time conquering as he grew up, but he never truly felt 100% welcome.

it was easy for adam to spend most of his time away from home — but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice. after his family had moved to osaka his mother seemed to pay much more attention to her children, but she didn’t keep up the act for long. she soon became engrossed in her career just like she had when they still lived in toronto, and with her usual absence came adam’s as well. by spending so much time with his neighbor’s family, he learned what it was truly like to live under a roof with people who loved unconditionally — a concept he just wasn’t destined to have under the roof in which he slept at night.

it sucked.

but it was okay.

[ ☂ ].

adam’s growing love for performing music only fueled his desire to, one day, make it a career. all the arrows were pointing in a different direction — study business, climb the corporate ladder in the shadow of his mother — but that seemed to only make him want to rebel more. music was his passion; and he certainly had no aching desire to become an emotionless robot of sorts like his mother had become. his siblings, his aunt, his mother… every single one told him, by the time he entered high school, that he wasn’t paying enough attention to his education and spending too much time playing music and dancing.

he was managing just fine. he may not have had perfect marks, but he certainly wasn’t putting his education on the back burner.

he didn’t know why his mother cared anyway. it seemed that whenever she was at home, the only things he heard from her were complaints about his plans after graduation.

if he was honest, he couldn’t give two fucks about what his mother wanted him to choose as a career path. she hadn’t cared about the majority of the things he’d accomplished throughout his teenage years, and he could only assume she wouldn’t care about anything he’d accomplish in the future.

and as it turned out, his assumptions were correct.

[ ☀ ].

in 2016, he participated in midas media’s global auditions that were held in tokyo. at first, when his neighbor told him that she was planning to audition and wanted him to do it with her, he thought it was a joke. he certainly wanted to audition, but his negativity was starting to get the best of him. he was second guessing his ability to achieve his dream.

she had convinced him to try, in the end. it didn’t take much, though — just a little begging. it was usually impossible for adam to say no to her. sometimes he just needed a little extra push before breaking.

not a peep from adam’s mother when his neighbor was accepted and he was rejected. no encouragement, no urging him to try again. but he was sure that in her mind she was screaming, “i told you so.”

in the few months after his audition fell through, adam was even more determined to hone his singing and dancing skills. he practiced more than he slept, most of the hours in his day being taken up by the part-time jobs he worked in three different cafés. he quickly became a customer-favorite, offering free samples of his honey voice in the form of ballads as he prepared coffee. his mother’s disinterest was one of his main motivators — he needed to show her that she was wrong. even if his intentions with gaining success in the korean entertainment industry were partially ill, it gave him the push he needed to work as hard as was necessary to actually make a foothold.

his initial plan was to audition for midas media again, until he learned about open auditions for a show in south korea called kpop star. he participated in the online preliminary auditions, sending in a video of himself both singing and dancing.

when he passed the audition, his mother seemed more detached than ever. she truly believed her son still was making a bad decision, that it would still blow up in his face. but despite how she felt, she never once offered any verbal support or advice because she couldn’t be bothered to. adam’s neighbors were more encouraging, more excited, offering any support they could in his journey.

adam used the money he’d saved up while working his summer away and flew to south korea to start filming for the program. by the middle of autumn, he’d miraculously passed through the first round by a slim margin. he continued to work his hardest, practicing until his lungs gave out and his entire body ached. he needed to rank well to prove to his mother he could be good enough.

in the end, he ranked in the top 10 — right in the middle at number 5, to be exact. it wasn’t where he wanted to be. it wasn’t the top spot. it probably wasn’t good enough in his mother’s eyes. he didn’t ever bother finding out if it was.

but it was, however, good enough for adam to be contacted by a representative from kjh global creative mere days after his elimination. they wanted to sign him, and as soon as possible. they wanted him.

he jumped at the opportunity, eager to step into the industry, officially, by any means necessary. he learned quickly just how rigorous, exhausting, and rewarding training could be. attempting to adjust in yet another new country proved difficult as well, but in time, adam knew he would feel comfortable. knew he would adjust. eyes set on the prize, adam moon would soon prove to those around him that he was a force to be reckoned with — and he would, without a doubt, be chosen as part of the final lineup for kjh’s newest boy group.