#leafs man wtf

[wtfforged]

[fraternum-momentum]

SO UM I JOINED THIS LIKE WEBSITE BC I WANTED FUCK AROUND (NOT LITERALLY) AND I WAS CURIOUS BUT ITS BASICALLY KINKY TINDER AND THERE ACTUAL PEOPLE MESSAGING ME AND IM SHAKING IM ACTUALLY TERRIFIED IM SO SCARED I ONLY HAVE A PICTURE OF A CAT AND ITS NOT EVEN MINE

[crow-talks-hockey]

well this was objectively the funniest ending to the night and i'm genuinely laughing my ass off at the absurdity

[leafington]

"i can excuse noncon, but i draw the line at a mommy kink" YOU CAN EXCUSE NONCON??????

[significant-narratives]

connor will win a cup when he reunites with dylan and not a moment sooner. i have seen this film before i know how it ends!!

[mitchmarner]

mapleleafs: hey honey, i’m home

[3416]

BOB WAS LEGIT FUCKING ABT TO PLAY THAT PUCK... DIE

[softshuji]

Me when I pick up a call from a client with a really nice Irish accent but I've forgotten how to transfer the call on this particular software so its basically just me apologising over and over and getting really embarrassed cos I'm stressed and don't know what I'm doing lol

[council--board]

Lmao can't believe ur getting threatened by an orb

-🍁

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM

also yeah lmao

[readingbythestreetlights]

dude the panthers actually did that tonight. they are actually insane and i lowkey love them

[nylwnder]

literal pen on mitch but mmmm k

[star-dust-shark]

pjo characters as weird and dumb things me and my friends have said

Percy: what the fuck is cockblocking like I can't block ur cock on Snapchat

-

Will: UUUUUUUGH MY ASS HURTS- ooh look a butterfly

-

Leo: I CANT FIND MY PRETTY STICKER- AW FUCK- SHIT- MY VAGINA- OOAOoOoOOooAHAHHAgh

-

Jason: I can't actually believe I just agreed with you but hey here we are

-

Reyna: why the fuck am I friends with any of you hoes

-

Piper: should I...? too late I did it

-

Will: the best way to rizz someone up is by rizzing them up *turns to friend, winks horribly* hey baby girl

-

Rachel: one sec getting my anger out *aggressively splatters paint on canvas*

-

Annabeth: sometimes I'm smart. When I'm smart, I'm smart. *awkward thumbs up and grimace*

-

Octavian: fuck the gays they should all die ... I mean I could fuck some gays

-

Hazel: I'll make you tea but not in a sweet way I'll make it so hot in burns your tongue and you can't speak for a week

-

Frank: hey guys check me out I'm a furry on drugs *WOOOF WOOF BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF*

-

Grover: I love plants :3 specifically magic mushrooms but like

-

Leo: I mean I would totally fuck you but like respect man

-

Will: Ugh fuck my life I hate everything *coldplay starts playing* I retract the previous statement I fucking love life

-

Jason: UGH UR ALL SO DUMB but I'm in

-

Nico: if u wanna kys clap ur hands *rapidly claps hands*

-

Piper: *hypnotizes u with my beautiful blue orbs* come over to my house

-

Hazel: respectfully hope you die <3

-

Frank: I'm on acid what's it called when a ton of cats jump on each other a dog pile or a cat pile

-

Reyna: OH THANK GOD- sike I don't believe in that motherfucker hahahha

-

Annabeth: I'm so smart *holds up the one good test I got in school* see the teacher even gave me an 11/10 because I wrote my name in a cool font

-

Leo: UUUUUGGGGGHHHH IM SO HORNY- *mom walks in* oh hi mom how are you

-

Will: we can just... fuck. as friends though no homo.

-

Rachel: IF I DON'T DRAW SOMETHING IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES I AM GOING TO MAUL SOMEONE

-

Octavian: you all suck and I hate you *silence* no wait come back

-

Someone: haha ur gay

Nico: yeah??? and ur not?? like don't knock it until you try it dick is yummy man

-

Hazel: someone just told me what smearing is and honestly I kinda wanna die *fix you by coldplay starts playing* LMAO WTF

-

Frank: you sad ass emo dog just be happy

-

Percy: I Am OnE wiTh ThE oCeAn AnD HopEfuLLy aLL oF ThE hOt MerPeOpLe In iT

-

Leo: *talking to literally nobody* hey guys!! gonna go get my top surgery! *shows up at claires*

-

Reyna: I only wanna die sometimes and that's normal right

RIGHT

-

Will: *playing guitar* haha look guys I'm fingering A minor *strums violently*

-

Jason: screw men *eyes widen* I should start taking my own advice ngl

-

Will: *listening to a playlist that Nico made him* ugh my emo ass boyfriend and his stupid music I hate him *proceeds to write his name over and over again in diary with hearts around it*

-

Nico: what if I strangle someone with a pair of earbuds

Will: please don't

-

Leo: *in demonic voice* LeAf *eats it*

-

Nico: *pulls gay flag out of pocket* omg it's u

Will: *shuffles around in pocket, finds condom* ... it's u, vanilla flavoured

-

Leo: my name's Leo

Percy: and I like jugs

Nico: I'm mentally ill

Leo: and I'm on drugs :D

-

Jason: is there anything better than pussy

Piper: I thought you where gay

Jason:

Jason: my boyfriend's trans?

-

Will: the temptation to fuck an emo boy rn is killing me

-

Leo: the masculine urge to

Leo:

Leo: I forgor

-

Will: that's good!

Nico: like me in bed

*silence*

-

Leo: smash or pass Ryan Gosling

Nico: SMASH

Will: PASS

Solangelo: *glares at each other*

-

Nico: omg stop with that song

Will: but

Will: but you can take me hot to go :(

-

Annabeth: yeah

Percy: yeah

Annabeth: *in funny voice* yeah

Percy *hentai moan* yEEEAAAaaH

-

Leo: *pointing at Nico* EEEEEEWWWW AN EMOOOOOO EWWW

-

Jason: never ever look up what an eyesha erotica lyric means

Reyna:

Reyna: oh you poor soul *pats back*

-

Nico: I can't breathe

Will: just

Will: breathe air

Nico: I breathe drugs

-

Piper: I'm gonna go play basketball

Leo: haha play with my balls

Jason: already do

Leo: *chokes on air*

well that's all sorry for the torture, thanks to @localcosplaymushroom, @crowwolf8, @justagremlinoncaffeine, and @secret-mewtwo for all of the funny convos that went into this

[mersei47]

mh fix it au doodles that I just got to draw it out (below is my ramblings about this au)

- so like jay got shot but hes not dead and got send back in time before everything go to shit or all is just a big fever dream (I cant decide which one is better)

- and jay is the only one know about this then he has to do something so history wont repeat itself

- oh theres skully too but they are not jay but a different entity that is there to help jay defeats the operator (think of it like when you played game then died first try the second try you got a helping hand or assist so you wont die again)

- skully lives with jay at his apartment while both of them try to find a way to end this (skully is a good roommate if you get to know them :D)

- everyone that got contacted with operator can see skully (means that everyone except mh crew (+ jessica, amy etc.) cant see skully)

- jay probably ten times more paranoid about everything and everyone now that he knows whats gonna happen

- last time jay and tim ever interact didnt end well (at least for jay) so he has mixed feeling towards tim. and tim knows jay been keeping smth from everyone but doesn't wanna pry it out, yet

- skully at first just there to help defeating the operator but when times go on they help jay mending his relationship with his friends too

- one time when the crew shooting movie near the wood area alex saw jay walked out of forest looked disoriented and frustrated with leaf all over his head. everyone at crew just had to come charged at jay asking him what happened but jay doesnt want to talk about it since he knew it would involved them and risk being killed

- there will be time when he learned that he cant work alone forever (because look where it led him in the past)

- and skull know this too so they try to reach out to everyone else (brian, tim) to help jay which is very hard because brian and tim freaked out at first because "dude theres a masked man stalking us wtf????" (similar to how skully try to reach out to jessica in comic)

- jay cant seem to stay close with alex for a very long time because he will have panic attack (I mean alex did kill him and he probably still shocked) and as much as alex wants to ask jay what happened jay cant think of straight answers

- (theory time) now that I think about a way to defeat operator the only things I can think of is 1. defeat it within the ark 2. burn the forest (too hardcore and didnt solved the root cause) 3. or operator is the result of everyone's undiagnosed mental illness they refuse to acknowledged it and get help (jay and alex is clear examples). Operator is still real but it targets peoples like them. If they got the help them should probably can uh fight it off (this starting to sounds like cthulhu stuff)

I tried my best to sound understandable orz

[love-takes-work]

Storytime! This was my mom's Victrola. It's an old-timey record player. She died recently and I decided I wanted to keep this. Recently I found a place for it in my house.

This old thing belonged to my uncle, my mother's eldest brother, before he passed away in the 1990s. My mom claimed it and I used to listen to old records on it when I was a teenager. There are heaps of records my uncle collected--primarily orchestral pieces, big band, swing, and of course polka. My favorite EXTREMELY CREEPY polka record was called the "Open the Door Polka." I listened to it multiple times with family and friends and wtf-ed over its weirdness. I even made a cassette-tape recording of it by holding my boom box up to the record. Because, ya know, we were very technologically advanced in those days.

I was just going through the records, finally incorporating them into storage spaces in my house (even bought a new shelf to put some of them on). As I leafed through them to try to find any order and find homes for orphaned records, I was hoping to come across my old fave "Open the Door Polka." Well, I found it.

IT'S BROKEN.

The record is cracked!!

I'm so disappointed. I wanted to listen to my old fave and be creeped out all over again.

Feel free to listen to it as there are certainly surviving recordings. CW: Creepy man harassing and pressuring a woman to open her door to him.

[letteredlettered]

Hi! I was wondering are there any other pairings that you would consider for Draco and Harry? What appeals to you about those pairings?

Honestly, the only other person I ship Harry with is Ginny. I'm not likely to read Harry/Ginny fic, but that's a ship I can really imagine being happily ever after in a way that lives on in my head. Meanwhile I will totally read Harry/Snape, Harry/Sirius, or the crossgen ships, but I do not ship them and mostly really just want some nice smut in those corners of the fandom.

But for Draco, I ship Draco/Hermione in a major way. But I'm really afraid of reading fic for them because I'm just kind of assuming the dynamic will be a lot of a) Hermione deciding Ron isn't her intellectual equal and therefore is a bad partner, which is something I cannot stand and makes me almost want to like Ron out of sheer spite, b) Hermione deciding Malfoy is her intellectual equal and therefore a suitable partner, when he's really not; no one is her intellectual equal and that really is okay, c) Hermione deciding Malfoy is really hot and fuckable, or d) Malfoy deciding Hermione's gotten really hot and fuckable because she's smoothing down her hair and wearing fashionable clothes, which I despise viscerally.

Meanwhile all I've ever wanted in my life is Malfoy growing up and being a bit more mature and having some regrets and then meeting Hermione again and absolutely losing his mind for her. Like she is so smart and so talented and so powerful and so honorable and so good that he just worships her. And he's like "well that's very nice; I've turned over a new leaf and can respect a Muggleborn; I am an improved member of society," except his dick keeps being inconvenient about it.

And slowly Malfoy realizes that Hermione with her bushy hair and bad clothes is perhaps the hottest woman on earth. And it really, really sucks because Hermione is infinitely kind to him and the only person in this new society who has ever really given former Death Eaters, and also him specifically, a second chance. And she's so warm to him and generous and good and laughs at his little jokes. And also she would never be romantically interested in him in like. Ever.

She's literally never thought of him that way, not even once. She mostly pities him and kind of thinks he's a funny little guy. And Harry is like WTF he called you slurs and you were tortured in his house, and she's like, "We must move beyond our past, Harry," and she really does, but it literally never occurs to her that Malfoy is a man. He's a human being who deserves a chance. And at some point maybe someone even points out that Malfoy is a man that may have some kind of romantic or sexual desires in this world, like maybe they think Malfoy's a hunk and wonder who he might be dating, and Hermione is a startled by this because she's literally never considered it and then goes right back to not considering it, she has so little interest.

This is really the fic that I want to read. Like Draco making heart eyes for hundreds of pages and meanwhile Hermione pioneers space travel and the cure for cancer. BUT I would also be fine if eventually Hermione did notice him and return his affection, but only after like, a RIDICULOUS amount of him pining while she is so completely oblivious that she makes Wei Wuxian look super aware.

Anyway, that's my other main Draco ship, though I quite like Draco/Ginny too. I'm not sold on a particular ship dynamic, though I somehow doubt fic about them is really focused on the shared trauma of Voldemort befriending them and using them and threatening them and throwing them away, which is what I would really be into for them. I also just think they're kind of hot, I guess, though honestly most Ginny pairings are hot because she's hot.

I'll read some crossgen stuff and I'd possibly read like, idk, Draco/Lupin or Draco/Neville and like it, but I think my heart is really set on Draco/Harry or Draco/Hermione, even if I'll never read the latter.

[willtheweaver]

Alpha-write

Thanks @agirlandherquill this sure does look interesting

Rules: For every letter of the alphabet, comprise a sentence/short paragraph beginning with that letter

A- “All systems go. Let’s she what this new ship can do.”

B- Barely anything was standing on the planet’s surface. All around were huge craters and mountains of crumbled rock and dust. What water there was was as corrosive as hydrochloric acid. What kind of weapons could do this, and what kind of people would turn such tools of death on themselves?

C- Candles, beeswax, 50 count, the label said. So why was the box so heavy?

D- “Don’t move!” I stopped when I heard those words. Fearfully, I looked down at feet. One of them was right on top of a rune trap that was concealed in the leaf litter.

E- Everywhere was the sickly sweet smell of death.

F- Faith shall ne’re forsake me, when iron proves as feeble as flesh.

G- “Goblins can’t resist shiny stuff, you said!”

“Well if you weren’t a cheapskate and put some of your jewelry in the trap, we would have caught him!”

H- “Hake, extra crispy. Chips with salt and vinegar, extra curry sauce on the side. What does it all mean?”

“I believe that is his Friday takeaway order.”

I- Inside was totally different. Whereas the exterior was a grey and austere cube, the interior of the building was bright and decorated to the point of being gaudy and over the top.

J- Just lost contact with the rearguard. Radar has picked something up. It’s—[remainder of transmission incomprehensible] /end recording.

K- Kelp! If I could just make it…

L- “Ladies and gentlemen, remain cool, this is a robbery! Handover all of your valuables and no one—hey! You with the Nickleback shirt! That is not cool!”

M- “Must I remind you that it was your idea to drill holes in the bottom of the ship?”

N- “No man is more accursed than he who violates the sacred law of hospitality.”

O- “Open the door!”

“No.”

P- “Purple was never my color anyways.”

Q- Quiet. No wind, no sound of birds. Nothing.

R- Rust covered the steel beams and rebar sticking out of the cracking and failing concrete.

S- “Single malt, aged twelve years, heavy smoke with hints of seaweed. This was distilled in Islay.”

T- The order came up. Three shots espresso, ten ounces 2% steamed for exactly eighteen seconds, one pump vanilla, three caramel, one chocolate hazelnut, and the foam has to be cold and not mix with the coffee. WTF!?? I wanted to quit them and now.

U- Union pamphlets were everywhere. No doubt about it. Their meeting place had been found.

V- “Velocity is still over 5000 kph! We’ll burn up in the atmosphere unless we find some way of slowing down!”

W- “We’re with Witness Protection. You are in grave danger.”

“Me? I’m just an ordinary person!”

X- “X-rays can’t go through lead!”

Y- “You had to say something, didn’t you?!”

Z- Zzzzzzzzzzz.

“How can anyone sleep so soundly in a time like this??”

Whew! Made it through that one!

Tagging @diabolical-blue @darkandstormydolls @leahnardo-da-veggie @poethill @honeybewrites

@theeccentricraven @splashinkling @smudged-red-ink @mysticstarlightduck @eccaiia

@corinneglass @tildeathiwillwrite @fortunatetragedy and open tag