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lightsovermonaco · 4 years ago

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His Good Sweater: Chapter 11 (NSFW)

Masterlist

IT’S THE MOMENT YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR BESTIES! Thanks as always to @acollectionofficsandshit I think I broke her with this chapter! She also found the song for this chapter so special thanks for that as well ❤

Word Count: 7.6k

Recommended song: “The Man Who Can’t be Moved” by the Script

The steam of the shower cleanses your senses and washes away the sweat from your workout. Crisp September air rushes through the open window and raises goosebumps on your skin as you step out. You turn off the tap and wrap yourself in a fluffy towel in an attempt to ward off the chill. A glance at the clock tells you that you have a half hour to get ready before your date picks you up.

Peter was one of the few guys in your major that paid you any attention. Most of them tolerated you at best but it had never bothered you. You were independent enough that you could make it through class on your own and google what you didn’t understand afterward and learn it before the exam.

It had been fairly easy to fall in with Peter and a few others during the first few weeks of summer classes. What began with group study sessions and quickly developed into hanging out one on one with Peter on the weekends to go to coffee shops or play video games.

When Peter had asked you out two months ago, Pierre's voice nagged in the back of your head. He asked if you were ready to move on from him and if you could really forget him.

The simple answer was no, forgetting him was impossible. No matter how many years passed, he would always own a part of you.

Peter was sweet and he cared about you but you were quickly realizing the bond you shared with him didn't run as deep as it had with Pierre. He started as your friend and you really didn't feel right letting it develop past that. Although you had agreed to that date and plenty more in the time since, it still didn’t feel like a relationship. You had to stop yourself from imagining someone else's arm around you when you lounged on the sofa or someone else's lips kissing you goodnight.

You slip into a form fitting red cocktail dress and sweep your hair over a shoulder, banishing the memory. The person staring back at you in the mirror is a stranger, a ghost of who you once were. You pull your lips into a smile nowhere near as bright as it was months ago.

A knock on your apartment door startles you from your trance. Peter holds a bouquet of flowers, a broad grin on his face. He was handsome in a traditional sense, with a sharp jawline and playful forest green eyes that promised a good time. He was adventurous; a night in wasn’t in the cards. Everything was an event with him and you didn’t mind the distractions one bit.

"You look amazing as always," he says, stepping inside and kissing your cheek. You sniff the flowers lightly. Daisies were some of your least favorite flowers but the gesture was too sweet to point that out.

"So do you," you respond, gaze sweeping from his scuffed wingtip shoes to his crisp blue button down shirt. Ocean blue, washed out against Peter's pale skin, but would have looked perfect on Pierre's golden complexion.

You had to stop thinking about him. You saw him everywhere. On more than one occasion, you dropped out of a conversation when you caught a glimpse of blond hair bobbing through a crowd or heard a laugh startlingly similar to his. You couldn’t escape the idea of him whether you liked it or not.

"Are you okay?" Peter asks, touching your elbow.

God, you were so far from okay. Your mind was a melted mess of memories of a blond Frenchman and all the broken promises between the pair of you. This was pointless. You were wasting your time with Peter. He was great and should have been everything you wanted but he just wasn't enough.

"I'm so sorry," you start, handing back the flowers. "I don't think this is going to work."

"Oh thank god," he says, shoulders drooping as he runs a hand through his hair. "I've been thinking the same thing, I just didn't want to be the one to say it." You both laugh, the tension ebbing from your frame.

"Don't get me wrong," he continues, "You're amazing. There's just no…"

"Spark," you finish. "Yeah, I agree. Friends?"

You stick out your hand and he shakes it firmly. "Sounds like a plan. No hard feelings. See you in class on Monday?"

"I'll be there."

You slip out of your heels with a sigh, glad you don't have to endure that form of torture any longer. For the first time in months, you allow yourself to scroll through Pierre's Instagram.

Instead of being flooded with personal pictures it had become mostly posed shoots.it was the kind of thing that seemed staged, like he was only posted because his PR team deemed it necessary.

As time went on the content became more and more clinical. He was giving fans less of an insight into his personal life and focusing on racing content. You knew he had probably thrown everything he had into the season in an attempt to move on and you couldn't blame him.

If his Insta was to be believed, he had earned a handful of podiums in the four months since you had mostly lost interest in the sport. After Austin it had been nearly impossible to watch a full race and you had instead been getting your biased updates from Max, who conveniently left out all but the barest details of anyone’s race weekend but his own.

There was no point in trying to convince yourself you no longer felt anything for Pierre. Just scrolling through his page reignites the flame in your chest that had been burning far too dimly for far too long.

Heart pounding, you double tap a photoset of him modeling for Alpha Tauri, the lighting accenting his eyes. Their distinct, rich blue had always been your weakness.

Your fingers find their way to the charm at your throat. You hadn't taken it off once since the gala. It was pointless to deny the sway he still held over you all these months later. Maybe it was time you stopped pretending you were fine and finally give in to the pull.

The past few months have given you plenty of time to reflect. The media would hound you like dogs but at least while you were in London they would leave your family alone. And really, enduring their scrutiny was a small price to pay if it meant loving Pierre.

“I’m an idiot,” you mumble, pulling up his contact in your phone. Breaking up with him had been the dumbest decision of your life. You’d watched him from afar as he traveled from grand prix to grand prix, touring cities and sleeping everywhere except where he belonged: curled up next to you in your tiny London flat, whispering sweet nothings in your ear until you both fell asleep.

You couldn’t bear it any longer. Fuck what anyone would say. Nothing could be worse than knowing your soulmate was out there and you let him go.

Heart pounding, you type out a text. I miss you.

Shaking your head, you erase it. How are you? Seemed more appropriate.

"Here goes nothing," you murmur and hit send.

**********

It started off as any other free Sunday did: Charles and Charlotte arriving at his apartment carrying snacks and beer which neither of them would tell their trainers about tomorrow and plopping in front of the television to watch the PSG match.

The trio roared at the screen at poor calls and yelled when a goal was scored, all completely lost in the sport.

Pierre absently registers his phone buzzing during the last few minutes of the match but ignores it. PSG comes out on top and he finally checks it, nearly choking on the pretzels he was eating.

How are you?

Pierre has to read it thrice before he’s convinced it’s real.

"Holy fuck," he says softly, tipping the phone so Charles can see.

"Told you mate." He takes Charlotte's hand and stands. Football match completely forgotten, Pierre lifts a hand in a wave as the couple leaves. His eyes are fixed on the screen as he tries to comprehend the gravity your words carry.

After months of waiting in agony and wondering if you still cared, you’d texted him.

He had no idea how he managed to keep his feet on the floor. He was completely weightless, reading your message over and over again until it sinks in.

He takes the three simple words as permission to finally delve back into your life, immediately scrolling through your instagram to catch up. He double taps every post save for the ones with you and some tall, handsome guy. His stomach twists.

Fuck it. Even if you just wanted to catch up, he'd take it. If you told him you were with someone else and you were happy, he'd learn to live with it. He was starved of you and was prepared to beg for crumbs of your life.

I'm fine. You have time for a phone call?

It was a leap but he acknowledged and accepted the risks.

Yeah. That would be good.

You pick up on the second ring.

"Hey."

Pierre squeezes his eyes shut, pushing back the lump in his throat. Years of memories rush over him in the space of a breath. The shock in your voice when you found out he was a driver for the first time. Your smile and breathless laugh when you met him in the garage in Brazil after his first podium in Formula 1. The tentative glances he had thrown your way for months after he finally accepted that he had begun to fall for you. The way your velvet lips felt when he made a gamble and kissed you for the first time. The drunken lilt of your voice when you told him you loved him that night in London.

Before he can stop it the bad comes rushing back too. The memory of the terror on your face when he let it slip that you were together sends a chill through him. If there was one moment he could change, it wouldn’t be the time he fucked up and lost his seat at Red Bull. It would be to keep his damned mouth shut at that karting track and preserve the bliss of that day and tuck it away in a bulletproof case that he could pull out and look at whenever he wanted.

"Hey you," he manages, silently thanking whoever is listening that he keeps the tremble out of his voice. "Been awhile."

"Yeah," you say sheepishly. "Sorry about that."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," he says quickly. "You never need to apologize to me."

You were the last one that needed to apologize for anything. He should be the one beginning for forgiveness. It was his fault you’d panicked. He should have fought harder for you, proved that he could make it work and save you both from months of heartache. But then again, maybe you had moved on. He couldn’t expect you to wait for him forever.

He doesn’t realize he’s been silent for so long until you clear your throat. For the first time he can recall, the silence is thick and heavy with unspoken words. It had always been effortless, the stories and words flowing like a babbling brook between the two of you. Now the confessions on his tongue remain poised there, too terrified to give them the light of day.

"How's your season been?" He’s thankful you break the quiet first but the question makes his stomach sink.

"You haven't been watching?"

"Not really."

"Oh." It made sense that you would distance yourself from him and that was fine, but he couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. "It's been decent. Red Bull wants me to come to Milton for contract discussions this week, actually."

"You're moving back up?"

"Potentially." Horner had only called him earlier that week to discuss the potential of him returning to Red Bull next year. The informal agreement was that if he could make seventh in the championship in a midfield car, they would bump him back for the following season.

It wasn’t a concrete guarantee- that’s why Horner wanted to speak with him in person. He had a year left in his contract and being in a Red Bull meant he would be able to prove his worth to other teams and potentially secure a world championship worthy seat at a team that actually appreciated his talent.

He draws a breath before continuing, "I'll be in London on Monday. You know- if you wanna get together."

You stay silent for a touch too long and he panics. It was too soon. He should have kept his mouth shut because now he’d driven you away again. “Nevermind, forget I said anything-"

"No," you interrupt, "no, I'd love to see you and catch up. I don't have classes on Tuesdays. Have any free time then?"

His eyes slide shut and he exhales. The flack he would undoubtedly catch for shuffling around a few interviews would be worth it to see you. "Yeah. I can swing by your apartment around seven?"

"Okay," you say, a touch of excitement lacing your voice. "I'll make myself presentable."

"I-" he stops himself before the words can slip past his lips. "I'll see you then."

*********

Pierre blows out a breath and adjusts his backpack. He stands at the threshold of your building, keys in hand, unsure if he should let himself in. The dilemma had kept him rooted to the spot for nearly ten minutes now, weighing the pros and cons of his options.

“Hey you, blond fucker.” Pierre whips around and is met by Daniel’s girlfriend glaring up at him from the sidewalk. She tips her head to the side to study him. Apparently he wasn’t the only one that had to cancel plans to be here tonight. “You gonna grow a pair and go up there or just keep staring at the door all day?”

“I’m going,” he grumbles, “are you?”

“Oh, I was going to but clearly whatever you have planned is more important.” Her grin splits her face ear to ear. “About damn time she got ahold of you. I was getting sick of listening to her gripe about you twenty four seven.”

“Didn’t she tell you I was coming by? If you guys have plans I can come back later.”

She waves a hand and dismisses the offer. “Absolutely not. Go get your girl.”

“She’s not-” The glare she cuts him snatches the words from his mouth. She makes a shooing motion before setting off down the sidewalk, munching on whatever snacks were in her shopping bag.

Pierre shakes out his hands and tries to gather the courage to use his key. The hopeless romantic argued that you would expect him to use it because you would know he still had it. The rational side of him butts in to point out that it might catch you off guard if he showed up without warning. He settles on buzzing your unit, your answer fuzzy from the distortion.

"Pierre?"

Even with the warbly static in your voice, his name on your lips is the salvation he’s been dreaming about for months. "Yeah it's me."

"Don't you have a key?"

"I wasn't sure if I should use it."

You don't answer, instead letting the buzz of the electronic lock do the talking. He takes the stairs three at a time, barely winded by the time he reaches the third floor. He doesn't even have to knock, your door swinging open as he steps up. The sight of you knocks the breath from his lungs.

It didn't matter that you were in a simple hoodie and jeans, feet bare and hair swept back in a low bun. You are the most beautiful person he's ever seen and after months apart he nearly falls to his knees then and there to beg for your forgiveness, to get lost in you until two souls became one and he never had to live another second apart from you.

"Are you gonna stand there or do you wanna come in?"

God, he had missed your teasing jabs. His fingers ache for contact with your soft skin and he curls them into a fist to resist the urge. “Coming in,” he says softly, purposefully brushing your arm as he skirts past you. Every inch of him sings from the barely there touch, his soul aching for more.

Just stepping foot into your quaint flat has the weight he had been carrying on his chest for months beginning to ease up. Nothing beat the elation of being back where he belonged, not even spraying champagne from the top step on a podium.

Determined not to scare you off before he could have a proper conversation with you, Pierre opts for falling into the same humor you had used earlier. The corners of his mouth twitch upward. "Is that takeout I smell?"

You nod, your cheeks turning a pale pink. “I got you two orders of beef lo mein. I figured you might be hungry.”

As if summoned, his stomach growls. “Yeah. I haven’t eaten since breakfast."

“Figures,” you say, eyes glinting with mischief as you settle into the plush carpet and pull a takeout box towards you. "I got it from that place across town, the one you liked best." Pierre perches on the edge of the sofa and snags the plastic tray with his name on it, eyes never leaving yours.

Now that you were mere feet from him he found it increasingly difficult to deny himself the relief of kissing you here and now. He wanted to trace his thumb over your lips before replacing it with his own, to slot his mouth over yours until time was nothing and he was no one other than yours.

You clear your throat and drop his gaze first, sending him crashing back to reality. “So, ninth huh? Glad to see you cracked the top ten.”

Pierre scrunches his nose and spears a piece of broccoli. He was shit with chopsticks but you always got a kick out of him fumbling with them. “Not where I’d like to be but I’ll take it. Horner took notice obviously, but I’m not getting my hopes up.”

“I think an invitation to Milton Keynes is enough reason to hope," you say around a mouthful of sticky rice.

This interaction was reason to hope. The fact that you were once again on speaking terms, that things were finally returning to some semblance of normal, was enough for him to believe that one day everything would be back to how it was before. That maybe, just maybe, he could hold you in his arms again and fall asleep to the soundtrack of your heart beating in his ear.

Remembering the guy from your instagram, he scans the room for any sign of a male companion. Finding none, he asks, “How’s your boyfriend?”

It probably would have been a good idea to go about this particular line of questioning with a bit more tact. Inquiring so blatantly betrayed his inner thoughts, laid all his cards on the table. He didn't have it in him to care, not when his world might be turned upside down by your answer.

“Oh, you mean Peter?” You sip your water, seemingly working up the courage to explain. Each moment that the silence dragged on it became more of a physical monster. Pierre could feel it growing until it threatened to sink his claws in him and drag him deeper into the pits of his insecurity.

“If that’s his name, yeah.” Pierre braces himself for whatever comes next, reminding himself to be happy for you no matter what you choose. It would take time but he could put aside what he still felt for you and learn to accept your choice if it meant staying in your life.

You shake your head. “He’s a friend from uni. He’s not my boyfriend. At least not anymore.”

“Oh,” he says, frowning down at his food to cover the way his heart skips. “But he was?”

He had expected you to move on, if he was being honest. No way in hell did you deserve to be as miserable as he had been since you'd left- you deserved all the happiness he couldn't seem to give you and more. And if someone else had been the one to grant you that happiness, he should thank them.

“For a little while,” you say softly, like it would cushion the blow. “It didn’t feel right.”

He was familiar with that feeling. Nothing he did felt right after the break up. Just about the only thing that kept him sane was telling himself that you’d come to your senses sooner or later.

And now that he was here, his world was beginning to right itself.

“Earth to Pierre,” you say teasingly, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I just- I’ve missed this,” he says, picking at his food.

“What, eating subpar takeout in my tiny apartment?” You laugh and stuff another bite in your mouth. God, you could be so oblivious. It was one of the many things he adored about you.

“I do. I miss doing anything that involves you, actually.”

There it was. His heart laid bare before you for the second time, waiting to see how you would respond. You set down your chopsticks and wipe your lips. His eyes track their movement as you whisper, “I’ve missed you too.”

Four syllables and he melts. It takes all he has to keep himself from sobbing with relief. It was everything he had come here hoping to hear. He couldn’t endure this again, couldn’t lose you for a second time-

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he pleads, body thrumming with the need to wrap you in his arms. “Don’t put me through this again unless you’re here to stay.”

He wasn't strong enough to tell you to stop. He would let you wreck him and he would be completely powerless to stop it. He would welcome it if it meant you granting him a sliver of your time. It would ruin him for anyone else but he didn’t have it in him to turn you away.

You rise to your feet and pad around the low table until you’re standing knee to knee, his neck craned up to study your face. You just keep looking at him, the leash on his carefully controlled restraint slipping as he rambles, “Because I can’t take it if you leave me again, I won’t-”

You simply nod, as if that’s all the answer he should need. But it’s not enough. “Tell me,” he pleads. “Tell me you mean it.”

He didn’t care that he was begging. He didn’t care that you had reduced his normally impenetrably stoic mentality to a jumble of you. If he was being honest with himself, you were the light of his life, the reason he pushed so hard for results on track. Everything had gone black and white when you left and racing had been the only thing keeping him from falling apart at the seams. The need to make you proud still propelled him forward even if he'd had no idea if you still cared.

So no, he didn’t care at all that he was practically on his knees. He would grovel at your feet for his entire life if it meant you’d grant him one more day to be with you.

“I mean it,” you murmur and place a hand on his cheek. He draws a shaky breath, leaning into you. Home, home, home, his head screams, acutely aware of every square inch of contact between the two of you.

“I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, and I’ve finally come to terms with it- your lifestyle. If I love you, I have to accept it being public. I have to build myself a shelter to withstand the storm, but I’ll make it big enough for two.”

It takes everything in him to keep from crushing you to his chest and never letting go. He had to ask, had to be certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was forever. “Promise me you won’t leave again if things get hard. Promise me we’ll get through whatever they throw at us together.”

“I promise. I’m not afraid anymore,” you murmur. Pierre’s head falls forward to rest on your hip bone, your fingers threading in his hair. “Daniel’s girlfriend helped me see that it doesn’t matter what anyone says. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I haven't been the same since I…”

“Neither have I.” His thumb winds under your shirt to sweep over your soft skin. “You’re safe with me, you know that right? I can protect you from whatever they say and you’re right, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is this-” he finally lets himself look up at you- “what we have. I’ve never stopped loving you, not once.”

Your smile is soft and tentative as you climb into his lap. His hands slide up your sides to pull you closer, refusing to let an inch separate you now that you’d bridged the gap. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I learned my lesson.”

You lean down to ghost your lips over his brow, his closed eyelids, his nose. He can feel himself reconstructing under your touch, that final piece of the puzzle clicking home after being lost for so long. “I promise that I’m yours until the last star falls from the sky.”

He had lost four months of time with you. He wouldn't allow another second to slip through his fingers.

Anticipating his movements, you meet him halfway. Fireworks explode as his lips finally return home and his world is finally, finally righted. Your nails scratch lightly at the nape of his neck, drawing him impossibly closer as your body moulds against his. He had nearly forgotten how perfectly your curves fit against him after all this time. He was determined to memorize every mountain and valley of you by the night's end.

His hands grip your thighs and he stands. Your arms automatically wind around his neck to keep from falling. He carries you to the kitchen and sets you on the edge of the island, never breaking the kiss. Nothing mattered outside of this apartment; not his career, not any baseless gossip, nothing existed beyond the space where your skin met his.

Pierre pulls back long enough to remove his shirt. Your fingers dance over his skin, relearning the planes of his chest like you had all the time in the world. And you did; he would stay here as long as you let him, reveling in the way you drank up every inch of his body like it was the first time you’d seen it.

“I love you,” you say as he kisses along your jaw.

How many times had he dreamt of you whispering that to him the past four months? How many times had it echoed in his head before a race, taunting him? He could scarcely believe his mind wasn’t playing more tricks on him now. He had to be certain it was real.

“Say it again,” he breathes. “Please. Please, tell me again.”

“I love you,” you repeat, punctuating each word with a kiss. “I love you Pierre, my champion, my heart, my everything.”

Pierre groans against your mouth, knotting his fingers in your hair and tugging your head back to expose your throat. He nips at the soft skin, not caring that he was leaving a trail of tiny marks in his wake. His focus was entirely on the gasps he was dragging from you with each touch, your heels digging into his ass and begging for him to be closer.

"My sweet, kindhearted man," you continue breathlessly. He didn't know if the words were for your benefit or his. "My best friend. My one and only love."

In that moment, you could ask him to bring you a star from the midnight sky and he wouldn't stop until he found a way to make it happen. You could ask for his last dollar and he would hand it to you with a smile on his face, completely enthralled with the way his name sounds on your tongue, professing that you still wanted him as much as he wanted you.

You were his undoing.

“Off,” he growls, tugging at your sweatshirt. You obey instantly and fling it aside, neither of you caring when dishes clatter to the tile floor and undoubtedly break. Your jeans follow suit after he helps you slip out of them. He runs his fingers over the delicate black lace of your bra and panties and pauses to appreciate that you knew exactly where the night would lead.

His cock twitches as you reach between your bodies to run a knuckle over his clothed length. “Your turn.” You undo the button with practiced ease, taking your sweet time as his breath comes in ragged gasps. He’d had a taste of you and hadn’t forgotten how you’d felt around him. He needed you more than he needed the air he breathed, his desperation taking over as he swats your hand aside and strips off his jeans and boxers himself.

He drops to his knees and grips your thighs, pulling you forward until your center is inches from his face. The yelp that escapes you is intoxicating, your hands flying back to catch yourself. His teeth sink none too gently into the flesh of your thigh and he’s rewarded with a moan before he flicks his tongue over the hurt.

Your head falls back and Pierre places one of your legs over his shoulder. “Mon amour,” he purrs, garnering your attention. Your head lolls forward and he waits until you meet his gaze to speak again. “You know I love you, right?”

“I never doubted it,” you confirm, lips curling in a smile. “But why don’t you prove it to me again?”

He pulls your panties aside and blows lightly. You groan, thighs tensing under his fingers as your toes curl and he chuckles. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“Do you really want to tease me?”

“What I want,” he says sharply, “is to have you moaning my name until it's the only word you know.” His tongue flicks out to dance over your thigh, dangerously close to where he knows you want him. “What I want is to make up for lost time.” He rips through the thin lace of your panties and lets the ruined scraps fall to the floor.

“Those were expensive.”

“I’ll buy you new ones.”

He would buy you an entire lingerie store if he could rip every set of it off you. He didn’t care how much it costed, it was never too much when it came to you.

“What I want most, my love,” he murmurs, smiling when his hot breath curls over your dripping cunt and you squirm, “is to forget everything else and stay here forever.”

You cry out when his tongue finally flicks through your folds. Pierre hums approvingly at your reaction, one arm snaking up to pin your hips in place. He sucks lightly at your clit and your fingers tangle in his hair.

“P-Pierre,” you breathe. He pulls back and you whine at the loss of contact. He grins up at you, the wickedness of it dragging the moan from your lips that he was after. He was drunk on the sound, desperate to hear it again and again.

“There’s my good girl.” He runs his tongue flat over your sex, savoring the taste as you squirm under him. You let out a choked noise when he repeats the motion before fucking you with his tongue, his nose hitting your clit with each stroke.

He doesn’t miss the way your lip wobbles and Pierre knows you’re ready to cry with frustration. He decides he’s tortured you enough for now and relents, putting two fingers in his mouth to wet them before plunging them inside you.

His mouth is spelling his name on your clit a moment later, your walls already clamping down on his fingers as your orgasm nears. In the handful of times he’d taken you to bed, he had already learned that when your head rolls back like that and your breathing stops, you’re seconds away from climaxing. He doesn’t let up until you’re shaking beneath him, finally slowing to work you through your orgasm without making you hypersensitive.

“Baby,” you groan breathlessly. Pierre slowly withdraws his fingers and wipes them on his thigh before pressing a final, tender kiss to your center that makes you jump.

“Use my name,” he demands, uncoiling to his full height. He grips your wrist and hauls your boneless body up, wrapping his other arm around your shoulders to keep you upright.

“Pierre,” you murmur and he grinds his hips against you in approval. He captures your mouth with his, taking advantage of your hazy mind to lazily explore it.

You hum into the kiss, managing to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer. Suddenly the column of your neck is all he can think about and he wraps a hand around it, squeezing with enough force that you pull back with a gasp.

“Too much?” He murmurs, lessening his grip. Your brows knit together and your lower lips juts out, begging for him to take it between his teeth. He leans in and gives in to the impulse as he swipes his thumb under your jaw.

“Tell me if you want my hand on your throat, my love. I need to hear you say it.”

“Please,” you say finally. Your eyes are cloudy when they meet his. “Keep it there.”

He shows his approval in the form of a light squeeze. You angle your hips up, nudging his cock with your center. You reach a hand down to wrap around his shaft and drag the head through your folds, teasing him as he had done to you. The grip on your throat tightens to a point bordering blissfully between pain and pleasure, both a warning and an order to continue.

If you knew how close he was to flipping you on your stomach and slamming into you, you’d call him crazy. Or maybe you’d like it, judging by the way your head falls back as he rocks his hips and inches into you.

You both moan when he decides the time for restraint has passed and he slams into you. You lift your hips to meet his with every thrust, clearly missing this just as much as he had. God, he’d lost months of fucking you, of feeling you clench around him and writhe beneath him. If he could stay like this forever he would, his hand around your neck and cock splitting you open as he laps up your moans like sweet candy.

“I’m- Pierre,” you squeak out, and he knows you’re barreling towards your second orgasm of the night. He pulls you up by your neck until you’re eye to eye and forced to look at him.

“Come for me,” he whispers, slamming into you again and again. “Come on my cock mon amour and I might just cum inside you.”

His words are your undoing, pleasure rippling from you in waves as your mouth falls open in a silent plea. He grants you no clemency as your cunt twitches around him, instead following through on his promise and following your lead.

You pants mix with his own as he struggles to keep both of you upright, his knees turned to jelly. Your head rests on his shoulder and he presses a kiss to your temple, slowly pulling out of you. A pitiful whimper escapes your throat involuntarily.

“I know,” Pierre murmurs, reaching over to start the kitchen sink. He wets a clean cloth and runs it between your legs, still supporting you as he doesn’t trust that your legs won't give out if he doesn’t. When it’s clear you can barely form a coherent thought, he scoops you in his arms and carries you to your room. He nudges the bathroom door open with his hip and sets you on the vanity.

The absence of his body heat makes you shiver when he goes to turn on the shower, adjusting the knobs until he’s satisfied with the temperature. He gathers you in his arms and steps into the tub, your sigh audible as the warm water hits your skin.

“Can you stand?” he murmurs before kissing your temple. You nod against his chest and he sets you down, keeping his hands on your waist just in case. You’re thankful for it when your knees wobble, a hand flying out to steady yourself.

“I’m okay,” you say after a beat and grin up at him. “I can stand, promise.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m taking my hands off you,” he says, grinning right back. “At least not for long.” He reaches over your shoulder for the shampoo and gestures for you to turn around. You obey, tipping your head back to wet your hair. A blissful sigh escapes you when his fingers meet your scalp, the cherry blossom scent blooming in the air as he works it into a lather.

Taking care of you was just as satisfying as the sex was. He cherished the intimacy of taking this small burden from your shoulders. The seemingly simple task was one of deep seated trust and it proved to him that your love ran bone deep. There was a level of trust in you letting him wash you that he didn't want to have with anyone else. It was reserved for you and you alone.

“Close your eyes,” he warns before guiding your head back under the water for a rinse. He cups a hand to your forehead to keep the soap from your eyes. Your smile is soft but unrestrained as you lean further into him until your back is pressed to his chest.

You both stay silent as he runs the creamy conditioner through the ends of your hair. His hand cups your jaw and tips your head back for a lazy kiss before he rinses that too and cuts the tap.

Once you're wrapped in a fuzzy white towel he finally dries himself off, fighting off a chill. He doesn't realize you're watching him until he turns around and notices you standing in the doorway.

"What?"

You push off the wall and pad back to where he stands to wrap your arms around his middle. His thumb traces patterns on your shoulder, perfectly content to stand there dripping on the tile until morning.

When it's clear you're lost in thought he speaks up. "What's on your mind?"

"When did you know you loved me?"

"Like the exact moment?" He asks, caught off guard. You nod against his chest.

"When you visited me in Milan last summer," he says a few heartbeats later. That night insisted on making guacamole at two in the morning and woke me up because you couldn't find a lime. You told me you couldn't sleep because it was all you could think about after you saw that couple at the cafe eating it."

"Why then?"

"Because I knew I didn't have a lime but I was fully prepared to knock on every door in the building to find you one. Because in that moment all that mattered was seeing your face light up when I handed it to you and knowing that it was me that made you smile like that. I knew then that I’d do anything for you."

It still amazed him how a lime of all things was the tipping point. In that moment, a lime was important to you and it so naturally became important to him. If anyone else had woken him from his deep sleep he would have grumbled and told them off. But you, seeing your face inches from his, the light from the hall casting a warm halo around your frame as you whispered his name, he hadn’t cared at all.

"But then I found the juice in the fridge," you recall and glance up at him.

"Yeah, you did. And you felt so bad for waking me up- you had no idea that I had already fallen so hard that I had to keep myself from shutting you up with a kiss.”

The easy admission seems to stir something in you and you rise up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his. “I knew that time you sent food to my dorm at midnight when I was pulling an all nighter. I was studying for my calculus final, remember?”

Pierre nods. “I was in Barcelona. You weren’t answering your phone so I sent a message with the takeout guy.” He had been wholly enamored with you at that point, having quickly learned that trying to keep his feelings buried deep was an option that would never work. So he leaned into it, letting little bits of it shine through in hopes that you might pick up on it.

Your laugh rumbles through him. “It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. I hadn’t eaten all day. I was too nervous.”

“Took us long enough to figure it out didn’t it?” He untangles himself from you and leads you to bed.

“I’m just glad we did eventually.” You let him guide you to the mattress while he stays standing and goes to your closet. He hunts for the shirt he wants to see you in, praying you hadn’t gotten rid of it. He finally finds it tucked back in the corner and pulls it out, the cobalt blue fabric a little faded from how often you’d worn it over the years.

“I remember that,” you say softly as he returns with it and slips it over your head.

It was the first shirt he had ever gotten upon entering Formula 1 and somehow you had wound up snagging it from his closet while he cleaned up the mess in the kitchen during that same trip to Milan. He had choked on his guac when you reappeared wearing it, eyes lingering on the Torro Rosso logo on the chest and his name splayed across your back like a claiming.

"I don't have sweatpants for you anymore," you point out with an apologetic wince. "I got rid of them."

Pierre just shrugs and hands you the shirt. "I have a change of clothes in my backpack. I was planning on working out to blow off some steam if…"

He trails off and you nod in silent acknowledgement. He didn’t have to voice the thought, you were already in his head and knew exactly what he meant. Unable to help himself, he kisses your head just because he can before retrieving his bag from the kitchen. "I have something for you," he says and lets the towel around his waist drop.

You let out a low whistle and grin at him as your eyes slide over every inch of his body. He takes more time than necessary to pull out his shorts, appreciating your gaze. You're still watching him as he slips them on and brings his bag to you.

"Do you wanna see what I got you or are you gonna stare at me all night?"

"I think I'll stare."

Pierre rolls his eyes and chuckles, plopping down next to you. "Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

You do as he asks but not before cocking a brow at him. Knowing the sound of the package will give it away, he does his best to draw out the first item as quietly as he can. The second he sets it in your hands a smile splits your face. He'd tear down the energy station with his bare hands to keep that expression on your face.

"It's candy." Your eyes open and you gasp. "Laffy taffy? But you can only get this-"

"In the states," He finishes. “I got as much as the store had.” The chewy, fruity candy was your absolute favorite and every once in a while you craved it. His backpack was currently stuffed full of it and various other packages of sweets, having been collected at every gp he had been to since Austin.

You tear into the package and dig for a pink one. You hold it out to him triumphantly and somehow, it’s that simple gesture that makes him melt. “You like the strawberry ones don’t you?”

“Yes baby, I do.” He lets you pop the sweet in his mouth - Pyry would certainly not approve- and grins at you. “If you eat too many before bed you won’t be able to sleep.”

“It’s still early,” you point out but don’t hesitate to set the sweets aside and cuddle up to him when he lays back. “Got somewhere to be?”

“I have to be at Milton by eight,” he says, wrapping an arm around your middle. “But you’re coming with me.”

@seasidetom @flashcal @limp-wrist-max @sunshinesewis @lifeofzoemichael @ninuffi @perfectfantasies22 @lamboleglerg @ladyperceval @0forgottenparadise0 @evie-pr @avsensio @ninuffi @ricciartodododo

If you have asked to be tagged in the past and I missed you I apologize! Just comment below and I’ll get you added for future updates. Thanks for reading ❤

#pierre gasly #pierre gasly fanfiction #pierre gasly x reader #formula 1 #f1 #formula 1 fanfiction #formula 1 fantasy #formula 1 fanfic #my writing #pierre gasly imagine #formula 1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #f1 fic #f1 fantasy #f1 rpf #formula 1 rpf

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justoneday-namjoonii · 4 years ago

Text

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au.

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy.

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.”

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon.

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.”

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year.

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there.

“Hm,”

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.”

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be.

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends.

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?”

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort.

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with?

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?” “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look.

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind.

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt.

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you.

“Do you want to break up?”

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.”

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders.

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised.

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes.

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful.

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach.

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall. You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times.

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside.

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed.

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?”

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?”

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...”

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night.

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...”

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him.

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did, didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?”

“Maybe...”

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.”

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...”

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed.

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?”

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...”

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?”

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him.

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening.

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his.

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.”

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next.

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated.

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you.

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.”

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together.

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car.

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her.

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks. he’s not my- We’re not married.”

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently.

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you.

“Where do you want to eat?”

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car.

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new.

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.”

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?”

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps.

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt.

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took.

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,”

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,”

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now.

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens.

#quarters #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x you #jimin angst #jimin fluff #jungkook boxer!au #jungkook au #jungkook ice skatin #I don't know what this ending is lol

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dukeofonions · 4 years ago

Text

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show.

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know.

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we?

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce.

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series.

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right?

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode.

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait.

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon!

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy.

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one.

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened?

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand.

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes.

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides.

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned.

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot.

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later.

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing.

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem.

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner)

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense?

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First.

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly.

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts.

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word.

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video.

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS?

Virgil.

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there?

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When?

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again?

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them.

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS.

*whispers explain*

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense…

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress.

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes.

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident.

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.”

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be.

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing.

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower.

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes.

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to.

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper*

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened?

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive?

*whisper*

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall?

Okay, I guess that all makes sense…

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas!

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began.

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to.

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus.

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense.

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion.

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place.

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale.

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series?

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever.

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much.

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that?

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series.

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse.

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing.

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road.

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides.

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us.

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

#dukeofcritical #sanders sides #ts criticism #sanders sides criticism #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #long post

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bestworstcase · 4 years ago

Note

What are your opinions on the whole "Cassandra is a toxic friend for Rapunzel" or "Rapunzel and Cass's friendship was a toxic one" statements?

so.

first of all, “toxic” is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around on a lot in online spaces and as always with those, i think it’s important to clarify precisely what i mean. the formal definition of “toxic relationship” as phrased by dr. lillian glass, who coined the term, is:

any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.

toxicity in a relationship doesn’t necessarily stem from abuse (although all abusive relationships are toxic; rectangles and squares, etc). sometimes, it’s just that two people aren’t good for each other, or don’t mesh well, or have other things going on that make it so they can’t do the work necessary to build a sustainable relationship. regardless of the root cause, though, all toxic relationships:

- create persistent stress, unhappiness, discomfort, anxiety, anger, malaise, or resignation, instead of creating joy,

- may catalyze or exacerbate mental health issues of people trapped in them,

- make communication between participants difficult or impossible,

- warp interpersonal boundaries within the relationship, and

- have a detrimental effect on attachments outside the relationship.

so with our term defined, do cass and rapunzel have a toxic friendship?

yeah.

but—and this is the controversial part of my Opinion™ lol—it’s rapunzel, not cassandra, who’s the toxic friend.

as i see it, there are two major problems here:

#1: rapunzel has no respect for cassandra’s boundaries.

one idea i see expressed an awful lot in both cass-fan and cass-critical circles is that cassandra isn’t good at communicating her feelings, desires, or needs and frankly... no. i used to kind of nod along with this, but i increasingly just do not agree that this is a general trait of hers.

consider her behavior in season 1.

in before ever after:

CASS: You can’t let Eugene see you!

RAPUNZEL: What? Why?

CASS: He can’t know anything about last night! I told you, Rapunzel, if it gets out I took you outside Corona, I’m done for.

RAPUNZEL: But I trust Eugene.

CASS: Well I don’t. [beat] My Dad will have me taken off princess detail. We’ll never see each other again.

cass states a boundary plainly and directly, and explains her reasoning so that rapunzel will understand why it’s so important to her that rapunzel keep their excursion a secret.

in what the hair:

CASS: Raps, I told you, we can’t tell anyone about that night!

RAPUNZEL: Um, Cass, I think the secret’s pretty much out.

CASS: Yeah, yeah, everyone know’s the hair’s back—but if anyone found out I was the one who snuck you out when it happened, I would be sent to a convent. Literally a convent.

RAPUNZEL: Well... I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No, no, no no—as far as he knows, you... just woke up that morning with long hair.

RAPUNZEL: But Eugene is my boyfriend! We tell each other everything!

CASS: I know this is a lot to ask, but I can’t risk it. Please, don’t tell Eugene.

again, cass is upfront in asking rapunzel to keep this secret from her. she even acknowledges that she’s asking a lot from rapunzel, but her livelihood and home are dependent on this secret staying secret, and cass spells this out as clearly as possible for rapunzel.

then, when eugene tries to guilt-trip rapunzel into telling him the secret, cass cuts in to emphasize—again—why she doesn’t want him to know: “I don’t trust you. You have a big mouth,” a statement she backs up with multiple examples just from the week or so since BEA.

and later in the episode:

RAPUNZEL: This isn’t right, Cassandra! I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No! Rapunzel, I want to trust you. And I trust that you trust Eugene, but I don’t trust Eugene, and if I can’t trust Eugene, I can’t trust you, and you’re just going to have to trust me. [beat] Trust me, that logic tracks.

the gag of course is that this is not an especially eloquent way of stating her point, but the reasoning here does in fact track: cassandra’s safety depends on keeping their excursion secret, and she doesn’t trust eugene’s ability or willingness to protect her by keeping the secret, therefore she is asking—really, begging, at this point—rapunzel not to tell him.

cassandra’s communication on this point is always crystal clear. she empathizes with rapunzel’s discomfort keeping the secret from eugene, she understands why rapunzel feels that way, and she repeatedly and clearly asks rapunzel to prioritize cassandra’s safety over her own discomfort.

and rapunzel refuses. in the final scene of what the hair, rapunzel checks to make sure that cassandra isn’t paying attention, then tells eugene the truth. his gut reaction is to cheer because oho cass is in for it now, and of course raps shuts this down—but she doesn’t care that she just betrayed cassandra’s trust. she’s just relieved that she’s no longer hiding anything from eugene.

now, we don’t get to see cassandra’s reaction to this, but cass is standing right there, and even if she didn’t hear rapunzel telling him the secret, she would certainly have heard eugene crowing about getting her into trouble. there is no way she doesn’t realize what just happened.

it’s not brought up again in the next few episodes, so we can assume that cass simply decided to let it slide. rapunzel doesn’t mean any harm, after all, and she got eugene to promise not to spill the beans. it is what it is. cass just has to hope neither of them tell anyone else.

and this brings us to the next time cass tries to establish a boundary with rapunzel, in challenge of the brave.

now in this situation, there’s no danger to cassandra. she just wants to participate in the challenge and she’s simply not keen on the idea of competing alongside rapunzel.

but... remember what happened the last time cass laid down a boundary with rapunzel? not just any boundary, but a boundary about something that was a significant and immediate threat to cassandra’s safety? remember how carefully and clearly she explained herself to rapunzel, how she pleaded for rapunzel to protect her by keeping the secret—only for rapunzel to glibly do the one thing cass begged her not to do?

in challenge of the brave, cassandra knows that rapunzel won’t listen to her stated boundaries even when cassandra’s whole life in the palace is at stake. and the stakes are not that high with the challenge, not by a long shot, so what does cass do when rapunzel tries to tag along?

RAPUNZEL: I wanna sign up!

CASS: You mean compete?!

RAPUNZEL: Let’s do it together!

[excited kid babble]

CASS: That would be fun... but I’m not so sure that’s the best idea...

RAPUNZEL: I’m brave! And I’m always up for a challenge!

CASS: But th- the thing is, the Challenge is by invitation only, so you can’t do it. Oh, man, ughh, rules are rules!

RAPUNZEL: Aw, okay. But you can always count on me to cheer you on!

first, cass drops a large hint that she really is not enthused about the idea of competing in the challenge with rapunzel. she’s clearly hoping that raps will pick up on her disinterest and back off on her own (and if rapunzel were more socially astute, she probably would, because cass is... not subtle).

but when this doesn’t work, instead of saying outright that she wants to do the challenge by herself, cass scrambles and makes up a lie to prevent rapunzel from entering. why? well, rapunzel didn’t listen to her when the stakes were “i will be sent to a convent,” so she has no reason to think rapunzel will listen to her when the stakes are “this is just something i want to do by myself.”

this happens again when rapunzel is making cass uncomfortable before the challenge begins; in contrast to BEA/WTH, cass is visibly uncomfortable being open about her feelings with rapunzel now, so she says “Why don’t you go find Eugene in the stands?” instead of being direct about what she wants.

now of course, all this falls apart when rapunzel discovers the lie and decides to sign up for the challenge at the last minute. cass reacts quite badly to this, with her frustration and hurt feelings bubbling up more and more throughout the challenge. but like, at this point, what is she supposed to do? rapunzel is in the ring. she’s going to be in the challenge whether cass likes it or not, and when rapunzel first enters, cass tries really hard to grit her teeth and be a good sport about it.

she just... can’t, because the challenge means too much to her. it represents her life outside of being rapunzel’s servant, and rapunzel joining in and effortlessly succeeding at things cass has trained hard for feels like rapunzel taking that away from her.

all of which eventually culminates in... this:

RAPUNZEL: Wait, stop! We’re supposed to be friends!

CASS: A friend wouldn’t be so oblivious, Rapunzel. You have no idea what this contest means to me! I mean, you’re a princess, you’ve got nothing to prove. To you, this was just a fun way to blow off a Saturday, but to me, it was a chance to show everyone that I am more than just your lady-in-waiting. And just when I thought I might get even the slightest bit of respect... Never mind.

cass spends the whole day bottling these feelings up, but when she does finally snap, she is able to clearly and succinctly express what her problem is. and though this isn’t explicitly stated, it seems likely to me that cassandra didn’t say any of this earlier because she assumed rapunzel wouldn’t care. when raps says “I respect you, I look up to you!” cass is visibly taken aback.

and this is super important!! because rapunzel listens. even though cass tried to brush off her own feelings, rapunzel sees what her problem was, understands her, and immediately offers her a true, heartfelt apology. this matters to cass. this is why she lets go of her anger, and why she’s able to gracefully accept rapunzel’s victory a few minutes later. she’s not just seeing that rapunzel really does care for her, she’s also seeing a marked change from how rapunzel treated her in BEA/WTH. she’s seeing a signal from rapunzel that rapunzel DOES care about her boundaries after all.

like with the BEA/WTH incident, this leads into the next time cass expresses a boundary with rapunzel, in under raps.

in under raps, the stakes are super high again: cass is a key player in a dangerous game of espionage with an insurgent who’s going to attempt to steal top secret information that would put all of corona in danger if it fell into the wrong hands. and cass is doing this on top of all her duties as a lady-in-waiting and a maid, during an obnoxious holiday that she’s not a fan of in general, so she’s pretty damn stressed.

anyway, at the beginning of the episode, cass is very open about how she feels about the day of hearts, and when rapunzel tries to “fix” this, cass makes her disinterest clear—first politely, and then more pointedly when rapunzel doesn’t take the hint: “I don’t have time right now. You two have fun though, okay?” → “Will you just stop, Rapunzel?” and, when rapunzel continues to push:

CASS: Look, Raps, I get what you’re doing, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine.

RAPUNZEL: Cass, no! Something is clearly wrong; you never wanna hang out, you keep disappearing, you don’t even want to beat up Eugene!

CASS: I’m dealing with... some stuff. Stuff I’m not ready to share–but when I am ready, you’ll be the first person I go to. Trust me.

here, as in BEA/WTH, cassandra has no trouble articulating what she wants from rapunzel. she doesn’t elaborate on exactly what’s going on, but she is upfront that 1) there is something, 2) she’s not ready to talk about it, 3) she’s planning on telling rapunzel once she’s ready, and 4) she wants rapunzel to stop pushing in the meantime. and... unlike in BEA/WTH, it seems like cass actually trusts rapunzel to listen to her because she’s taken to heart the way rapunzel apologized in COTB.

except... once again, rapunzel ignores her clearly stated boundaries. she’s too curious about what cassandra is up to to wait until cass is ready to share, so she follows cass and spies on her, taking the choice to share out of cassandra’s hands. then, despite recognizing that cassandra is not keen to be open about her relationship with andrew (rapunzel notes to eugene that cass seems “shy” about it), rapunzel decides to push for even more:

CASS: A double date?!

RAPUNZEL: Yes! They’re four person fun-machines!

CASS: Rapunzel, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I really, really do, but I- I’m not at a place where I wanna go public.

RAPUNZEL: Which is why I’ve come up with an itinerary of private activities for us.

CASS: [sighing] But we really aren’t that serious yet.

RAPUNZEL: No problem! We’ll keep it short and sweet, then!

cass is withholding some information here—but it’s information that really needs to be withheld. state secrets and intrigue on this level is not something you go around casually telling your friend, especially if that friend has a history of revealing important secrets.

that issue aside, though, cass is once again very straightforward here. she doesn’t want to go on a double date. she doesn’t want her relationship with andrew to be made public, because it isn’t serious. but every time cass draws a line, rapunzel modifies her proposal to “accommodate” the reason cass gives for saying no (don’t want to go public? that’s fine, we’ll do private activities. you’re not that serious yet? okay, we’ll only do a few casual things) instead of just accepting the no, until cass relents.

it’s also worth noting that when cass relents, she agrees to dinner—but rapunzel acts like she’s agreed to everything on the itinerary, plus a hot air balloon ride. when cass says “This double date needs to end now,” and “As soon as the balloon touches down, I’d like to be alone with [Andrew],” Rapunzel tries to protest: “But we haven’t even gotten to the tandem horseback ride yet.”

and finally, after all this, when rapunzel interrupts, putting both herself and cass in serious danger and enabling andrew to get away with the journal, cassandra has no problem telling rapunzel how she feels:

CASS: You know, after the exposition debacle, this was my big chance to prove to my Dad I have what it takes to be a guard. But you messed that all up, Rapunzel!

RAPUNZEL: Well, ugh, maybe if you had told me what you were planning, I wouldn’t have messed it up!

CASS: I couldn’t count on you not letting anything slip!

RAPUNZEL: Hey! I can keep things to myself!

CASS: Oh, yeah? Kinda like when you told Eugene about the night we snuck out?

RAPUNZEL: How did you know about—

CASS: Or when you told your Dad about those rocks I showed you?!

RAPUNZEL: I had to! He was gonna—

CASS: And how’d your mom find out who ate her last chocolate truffle? Hm?

RAPUNZEL: I turned myself in! The guilt was just—

CASS: Look, Raps, you’re my best friend. But you’re a sharer. It’s in your nature. And I’m fine with that, but you’ll have to be fine with respecting things I want to keep to myself.

RAPUNZEL: Even if those things have life-threatening consequences?

CASS: Okay, in my defense, no one’s life was really threatened until you showed up.

RAPUNZEL: ...You’re right. Alright, tell you what, let’s make a deal. I’ll understand you keeping some things to yourself, if you understand that when something’s bothering you, I’m gonna want to help. You’ve got my back, so let me have yours.

CASS: I suppose I can live with that.

notice... three things here.

first, not only does rapunzel not apologize, she blames cassandra for her own behavior. cass should have just told her everything from the get go—then she wouldn’t have needed to push, pester, and spy on cassandra to figure out what was going on and she wouldn’t have burst in and ruined the delicate sting operation cassandra was handling. in rapunzel’s mind, the problem isn’t that she didn’t respect cass’s clearly stated boundaries—the problem is that cass didn’t tell her every single detail about why she had those boundaries.

second, cass explains exactly why she wasn’t forthcoming: rapunzel has an established pattern of spilling important secrets, including important secrets, including secrets that cass expressly asked her not to share with anyone. cassandra didn’t just arbitrarily decide to keep the truth of her “relationship” with andrew a secret—she made a reasonable decision based on her estimation of rapunzel’s ability to keep her mouth shut. an estimation informed by rapunzel’s past behavior.

and third, rapunzel offers cass a “deal” that boils down to, “i’ll accept that you have boundaries if you accept that i am going to push them.” (she phrases this in a nice way, but based on her behavior in this episode and in future episodes, it is clear that by “help” and “have your back,” rapunzel doesn’t mean “i will back off if you tell me to back off, but i’m always willing to lend a hand if you ask.”) and cass accepts this.

and... that’s pretty much where the girls stand for the rest of s1-s2. big brothers of corona and to a lesser extent freebird are other episodes where cass lays down a boundary and rapunzel disregards it either in the name of “helping” or because it’s about something she just really, really wants to do. and cass continues to get frustrated and have angry outbursts in response to this behavior, but it never, ever changes.

[i have mentioned this before but the argument that cassandra is a bad friend to rapunzel in s1-s2 because of how “mean” she is, how “cranky,” how she “snaps” or “yells” at rapunzel, or “bullies” her, etc—what this argument ignores is the fact that, with the exception of the time in BEA when she’s panicking over real danger, cass always leads with soft boundaries or polite refusals, escalates to harder, blunter statements when rapunzel ignores her, and snaps/yells/gets angry in response to rapunzel transgressing those more firmly-stated boundaries. cass is not the aggressor in these situations.]

#2: rapunzel can’t or won’t see the power she has over cass.

this disregard for cassandra’s boundaries would be a huge problem on its own, but it’s compounded by another: cassandra is rapunzel’s servant. rapunzel is cassandra’s boss. and not only is rapunzel cassandra’s boss, she’s also the princess of corona. she is a queen-in-training.

their friendship does not, and can not, exist on level ground, because rapunzel has a HUGE degree of authority over cassandra’s life, and at the end of the day... if rapunzel wants them to do something, cassandra can’t say no. her choices are “do what rapunzel says” or “refuse direct orders from the princess of corona.” cassandra is well aware of this—painfully so, at times—and rapunzel is not.

let’s talk about rapunzel and the great tree.

context: cass had her lifelong dream of joining the royal guard within her grasp at the end of s1. she had just commanded a successful battle against an army of automatons and played a key role in rescuing the queen from her kidnapper. had she chosen to stay in corona, she could have gotten everything she ever wanted.

instead, she chose to accompany rapunzel on her quest into unknown territory, and the king himself charged her with keeping rapunzel safe during the journey. she takes this duty as seriously as able, but she is undermined constantly and her efforts to steer the group away from dangerous, unnecessary detours are, without exception, ignored. and, because the rest of the group is composed of adventurous people less risk-averse than cass is (and without the burden of responsibility for rapunzel’s safety weighing on their shoulders), cass becomes the group naysayer, the joyless stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin their fun. even rapunzel starts to see her that way, brushing off cass’s concern for her safety at the beginning of RATGT.

this is not a nice position to be in. on top of the boundary problem that has been present since s1, cass is now under a lot of pressure, her friends aren’t treating her very well, and she’s stressed out and unhappy.

RATGT is when all of this comes to a head. adira—whom cass feels, not without merit, has supplanted her as the protector of the group, as rapunzel’s confidant, and as the voice of reason—tells them they must go through the great tree, even though a dangerous enemy (one who already almost killed them, and one whom adira has just admitted she was once affiliated with) lives inside it. cassandra says this sounds like a bad idea to her, and once again, rapunzel overrules her advice.

they enter the tree. adira reveals that the tree once belonged to zhan tiri, and although she assures them the tree is harmless, they still end up in mortal peril twice: first because of the withering incantation, and second because of the giant carnivorous flower that tries to eat eugene, lance, pascal, and maximus. they press on, and after an exhausting hike, they make it to the top of the great tree. adira suggests they camp for the night, cass says no way, that’s a terrible idea. and... well:

RAPUNZEL: Cass... We could use the rest.

CASS: Rapunzel, this place almost got us killed an hour ago.

ADIRA: And thankfully, I was there to prevent it.

CASS: You stay out of this, Adira!

ADIRA: I think you should calm down.

CASS: You know what I think? I think you’re playing us. I think you led us here on purpose, and for some sick reason, you wanted Rapunzel to find that incantation and read it.

RAPUNZEL: Come on, Cass, listen to yourself—

CASS: Rapunzel, I’m telling you right now, we need to get out of this tree, but more importantly, we need to lose Adira before she gets us all killed.

RAPUNZEL: I can’t do that, Cass.

CASS: What do you mean you ‘can’t do that’? Of course you can! Are you that obliviously naive that you can’t see—

RAPUNZEL: ENOUGH, Cassandra! No one is getting rid of anyone! Is that clear?

CASS: ...Yes, Your Highness. I’ll keep first watch.

now... this is absolutely not cassandra’s finest moment. she’s upset and acting paranoid and yelling at adira because she’s exhausted, she was drained by the withering incantation an hour ago, and this is six months of frustration and unhappiness all coming to a boil at the worst possible moment. and this is not rapunzel’s finest moment either, because she’s also exhausted and stressed and reacting emotionally to cass’s outburst. neither of them behave well in this argument.

but the key thing to takeaway here is not that they’re both acting irrational and distraught, but that this is the moment when the other shoe drops.

rapunzel is a princess who grew up powerless. not only is she unaccustomed to wielding power, she barely grasps that she has it at all. and while cassandra, her servant, is keenly aware of the class chasm between herself and rapunzel, rapunzel’s ignorance of it—or at least, willingness to ignore it—enabled them to become close friends. it gave cass a level of comfort with rapunzel, and once they were outside of corona, those boundaries got fuzzier.

until rapunzel pulls rank during this argument.

when rapunzel screams “ENOUGH, Cassandra!” the whole group is visibly shocked and uncomfortable. lance even grimaces. cassandra lets go of rapunzel’s arm and retreats like she’s been stung. no one says anything, no one steps up to defend her—not because she’s in the wrong, but because she crossed the line and directly challenged rapunzel’s authority. and she can’t do that, because rapunzel is the princess, and cass is her servant. and rapunzel is willing to use that authority to shut her down.

that is what makes this moment so painful for cass. when push came to shove, rapunzel treated her like a servant, not a friend.

but rapunzel... doesn’t understand this. she’s confused about why cass got upset and why cass reacted the way she did during the argument. so when she goes to try to patch things up, she doesn’t actually apologize, and she completely misses the core of why cass is hurt:

RAPUNZEL: So... Earlier. That got awkward, huh?

CASS: Huh. Which part?

RAPUNZEL: I know it’s been an unusual day...

CASS: You know it’s not just about Adira, right? I mean, she’s a jerk, and I can’t stand her, but it’s just... Since when did you stop trusting my judgment?

RAPUNZEL: Cass. You are the closest thing that I will ever have to a big sister, but I’m not that naive girl fresh out of the tower anymore. I am going to be queen someday, and I can promise you I’m going to make decisions that you’re going to disagree with. And I need you to be okay with that. ...Well... I better get some rest. I’m on the next shift.

rapunzel doesn’t just not apologize for pulling rank while shouting cass down in front of their friends. she tells cass i am the queen, i will make decisions you don’t like, you need to be okay with that. and i think it’s worth noting that this is how cass reacts:

cass sort of slumps while rapunzel is talking, but when rapunzel says “I need you to be okay with that,” cassandra pulls herself up, squeezes her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. and then she makes herself smile.

it’s not a happy smile. it’s not a cheered-up, feeling-better smile. this is the smile of a woman who just opened up to her best friend about one of her deepest insecurities and got told that her feelings don’t matter, her friend is the queen and she just needs to deal with it. so that’s what cass is doing here: she’s sucking it up and dealing with it.

is this the message rapunzel wanted to send? no. but what rapunzel doesn’t get is that her friendship with cass doesn’t exist separately from her relationship with cass as a queen to her servant. any pretense that it could shattered the instant she pulled rank. so while rapunzel is trying to speak as one friend to another here, cassandra responds as a servant.

and now let’s talk about rapunzel: day one.

cass, of course, gets burnt in the great tree, but that in and of itself doesn’t have anything to do with the question of whether this friendship is toxic or not. the only thing to bear in mind is that, while using the incantation during the battle in the great tree, rapunzel says two things to cassandra: “I got this, Cass, go!” and: “I can’t... control it!”

this is important because, in RDO, rapunzel only remembers (or acknowledges) the first of those statements. it’s possible that she genuinely forgot admitting she couldn’t break herself out of the incantation, and it’s possible that she’s selectively choosing to focus on telling cass that she was fine and to get out of the tree as a way of alleviating the guilt she feels. which one is not really important. what is important is this:

rapunzel blames cass for getting injured in the great tree.

in fact, she’s is angry at cassandra for getting injured in the great tree.

RAPUNZEL: I get why Cass is mad at me. She told me not to use the decay spell back at the Great Tree, and I did, and she hurt her hand. But if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! And I feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it! [...] I’ve gotta find a way to get her to talk to me.

and

RAPUNZEL: It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at you too. I told you that I had it under control, and you didn’t listen.

so... this is the dynamic at play here.

first, rapunzel constantly disregards cassandra’s boundaries in general. cass knows this.

second, rapunzel insists that it’s all cassandra’s fault that she got injured, because rapunzel either doesn’t remember or won’t acknowledge that her saying “I can’t control it” is what prompted cassandra to grab her.

third, immediately before cass was injured, rapunzel pulled rank to shut cassandra down in an argument, shouting at and humiliating her in front of their friends. a few minutes later, when cass opened up about her hurt feelings and insecurities, rapunzel reiterated that she is in charge, and cass just needs to “be okay” with that.

and fourth, rapunzel is making cassandra’s pain—her physical pain, and her hurt and angry feelings about having been horrifically injured by her best friend—all about rapunzel. rapunzel wants to talk things out so everything can be okay again and she can stop feeling guilty about what she did to cass, and the fact that cass isn’t ready to talk about it doesn’t matter because rapunzel wants to talk about it NOW.

[sidebar: “We can’t just push this aside and forget it like it never happened!” lmao season three would like to have a word with you.]

what... exactly is cass supposed to do here?

if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, rapunzel will pester and prod and wheedle her until she snaps. if she gives rapunzel the cold shoulder, as it’s implied she’s been doing, rapunzel will manufacture a situation where it’s just the two of them alone together so she can back cass into a corner and make her talk about it. if she does what rapunzel told her to do—i.e., be okay with decisions rapunzel makes as queen—by saying things like “Look, if you feel that way, then it’s fine. We’re good,” rapunzel will refuse to accept that and continue to bug her.

and if rapunzel, her boss, the princess, has decided that the fault for cass’s injury lies on cassandra’s shoulders... and if the last time cass opened up about her feelings with rapunzel, rapunzel effectively told her to just deal with it... why would cass want to subject herself to this conversation?

she literally does not have a single good option here. every choice available to her sucks.

i think this is why we don’t hear rapunzel apologize at the end of RDO; why the resolution is cass saying “i’m still angry, but i’ll get over it.” she’s still doing what rapunzel told her to do in the great tree: trying her best to suck up her feelings and be okay with rapunzel’s decision.

i don’t think cass is lying at the end of RDO. she really does feel sorry for using the wand, she really does intend to get over her anger. but i also think she is holding a lot of stuff back because she no longer feels safe expressing her true feelings around rapunzel. this is not s1 cass, who was comfortable spontaneously expressing and explaining her boundaries and frustration and pain to rapunzel. this is a cass who has learned that her feelings don’t matter to rapunzel, not really. that rapunzel is more invested in “getting along” than in actually making sure cassandra feels better.

so she turtles up and toes that line as much as she is able.

and that is where the toxicity in their friendship comes from.

rapunzel means well. god bless her, she really, truly does. and she really, truly loves cass with all her heart. all she wants is for cassandra to be happy. absolutely none of her behavior towards cass is malicious or intentionally cruel.

but she is a nineteen year old who was raised by an abusive, narcissistic kidnapper and was then, less than a week after escaping that environment, dumped into a position of enormous authority with zero preparation. she doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships. her relationship with eugene is healthy because eugene is an easy-going, well-adjusted guy who is on equal footing with her and who doesn’t have any qualms about letting her in on his private thoughts or feelings and who is both willing and able to gently help her correct course when she inadvertently veers into yikes territory.

but cassandra has baggage and the hard personal boundaries that come with it. and cassandra is rapunzel’s servant, with all the restriction and limits that implies. for rapunzel, trying to be cassandra’s friend is like trying to climb a mountain when she’s just barely learnt how to crawl. she has no fucking clue what she’s doing and she is not equipped to handle it.

i think cassandra gets this, and that’s why she gives rapunzel so many chances, why in s1 she tries so hard to help rapunzel understand where she’s coming from. but it doesn’t get better—in fact, it gets worse. (a lifetime of behaviors absorbed from your abusive “mother” do not disappear in a year’s time.) and it destroys cassandra’s mental health, makes her miserable, leads her to repress her feelings more and more throughout the tail end of s2, and leaves her wide open for zhan tiri to take advantage of in the shell house.

at the same time, the very fact that none of this is intentional or malicious on rapunzel’s part means that this is a relationship that can be repaired. rapunzel understands cass a lot better in s3, and she’s made huge strides in healing from gothel’s abuse. the whole moonstone/zhan tiri debacle ends up being a giant reset button on their relationship: they still love each other deeply, but they’re effectively starting over from scratch, and they’ll be taking it slowly by dint of cassandra leaving corona. their only contact will be via letters for the foreseeable future, which will (a) give cass time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants to do with her life, which she desperately needs, and (b) give rapunzel some much-needed practice in being patient, not prying, not letting her nosiness lead her to step on cassandra’s boundaries, etc. and in leaving corona, cass also left her servitude to rapunzel, so they can finally approach each other on an equal footing.

#rta #cassandra #rapunzel #this got SO LONG and i would apologize but i'm not. sorry #tangled-dreamer-97

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jaysevhls · 4 years ago

Text

The Life I Had (pt.2) | Jay Halstead

Summary: Based on season 5, episodes 7 and 10. Jay is struggling with this undercover mission, while Y/N is trying to help him after Erin left him. Both of them are starting to realise their feelings for each other.

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

Author's note: Requests are open!

PART 1 | PART 3

It was time to go to work, when you got a message from Hailey that she'll pick you up, because you got a case. Since yesterday you were now at Adam's apartment, because when you moved to Jay, you decided to sell your apartment. You needed cash and it wasn't a necessary to have another one. You thought that it'll last longer than that, but well... Jay had different plans.

"I'll be back late, you can take my keys." Adam said when you walked into the kitchen.

"And why is that?"

"I'm working at something, don't worry." he hugged you, took his gun and badge and then left.

Hailey showed up few minutes later.

"What do we got?" you asked.

"Jay was undercover yesterday and he found a shooted girl. He's on the scene."

"Well, that's none of my business, but I'm pretty sure we've finished this case and there's no need to him be undercover."

"Yeah, I guess. Voight is already there, I don't know what we should expect." she said.

"I swear to god, if he got involved in something because of this girl, I'll end her." you said and closed the door behind you.

You followed Hailey to her car. After few minutes you were on the scene.

"What are you doing here?" Jay asked as you, Hailey and Voight showed up.

"Well, what are YOU doing here Jay? I'm pretty sure we've closed this case." Voight asked him, but you knew what the answer will be. Of course Jay was feeling something to this girl.

"I'm working. Camila Vega, she's my CI." he asked and looked at you.

"Since when? Did you put her in papers? you didn't want to listen this conversation. Walking by the few police officers, you decided to check the body and find some personal items like phone or wallet.

But there was nothing. Only cash.

"Y/N? Can we talk?" Jay appeared behind you as you were talking with other officer.

"What do you want? If I left something at your place I'll take it tonight, but I'm pretty sure I've got everything."

"Stop, no, I just... I really miss talking to you. I want to apologize Y/N." he looked at you and you felt tears willing up in your eyes. Why was this so difficult? You weren't together, you didn't break up... He was just a friend. And partner.

"I don't think it's a great place to have conversation like this. I can meet you tonight if you want."

"Okay, be at my place at 9pm." he tried to step forward and hug you, but you moved to the back. You didn't feel right, not now.

Even if you were still mad at him, you smiled when he walked away. It was painful being that far away from him, he meant so much to you, and it couldn't end up like this, but at the same time he needed to know that what he did was just wrong.

Time passed by and you decided to leave Adam's apartment and go visit Jay. This day wasn't that bad at all. Back at district you were talking a little bit more with him that usual, so that made you really happy.

You decided to take a walk to his apartment. It was close to Ruzek's apartment and there was no need to drive, besides, you thought that this night you both will end up drunk.

After few minutes you were chasing the hall. You checked your phone last time to saw if he sent something to you about cancelling your plans. You knocked on his door, but there was just silence. He didn't text you, you were just standing there knocking at his door.

"Hey, can you be more quiet? If he's not answering, maybe he just doesn't want to talk" some neighbor said.

"Sorry, I'll just go now." you answered. You stood there for second before storming out from building. When you felt the wind on your cheeks, you bursted into tears. He lied. He freaking lied, leaving you there alone.

You couldn't catch a breath, everything was so blurry. You didn't want to show up like this in Adam's place, so instead of going there, you went back to the district. It was late, the whole intelligence went homes, so no one would notice you there.

You sat on the couch in break room with tea in your hands. From nowhere Voight appeared confused, just standing and staring at you.

"Please just don't say anything, I can't handle more today." you said.

"What happened kiddo? I thought you went home with Adam." he walked closer.

"Yeah I did, but I forgot to do something here so I got back."

"Don't lie to me Y/N. You gave me your files, there's no reason for you to be here." he said. "So, you better gotta tell me what happened or I'm calling Adam."

"Halstead and I can't get along in past few weeks, we were supposed to meet today, but he just didn't show up and I can't go back to Adam place looking like this. I'll stay here for the night I guess."

"No way Y/N. Come on, you're going back to Adam, you're going to tell him what happened. I can't let you think that this is okay. Talk about everything what is bothering you kid."

"You're right I guess. But I'll go alone, I need to call someone before I got home."

"Okay, but I'm giving you 15 minutes, then I'll call Trudy to drive you on her own."

"Sure thing."

The next day, you arrived alone to the district. Team got a lead to a guy who were dealing with drugs and he supposed to meet that killed girl. After founding out that she was undercover as CIA agent just made this case the important things and it needed to be solved as soon as possible.

You smiled at Trudy when you got there and went straight upstairs.

"Club Echo? And Alex? I know him, I met him trough Camila." you heard Jay's voice as you appeared in bullpen."I can go under with Y/N." he continued.

"Take Hailey, I've got a work to do." you snapped at him and went to your desk. Voight looked at you and answered:

"Y/N, you're going. I need Hailey here." he said.

"But Serg-" of course he made this because of the last night and what you've told him.

"Go before you'll say too much." you stood up, grabbed your jacket and went after Jay.

The whole time there was a silence in the car. You said that you don't want to talk as you got in his truck and he just nodded.

After a while you were in Echo, searching for Alex.

"Hey man, thanks for meeting." Jay said.

"Ryan, hey! Who's that pretty lady huh?" Alex asked looking at you.

"Not your league. I'm his sister." you pointed with your head at Jay.

"So, I heard that you have something good for me."

"What are you talking about?" Alex laughed at Jay.

"Man, we y'all know that you're dealing. Camila told me."

"Yeah I do. What also did she said after that 20 minutes in the back of the club and whole night at her place huh?" you looked at Jay confused. He stood you up for her. He freaking lied to you because of her. He chose her over you.

"Alright, you want to know more than you should. Can we make a deal?" Jay asked.

"Sure, I'll call you when it'll be done." they said goodbyes and you went outside.

You couldn't believe that Jay really did that to you. After all these years.

"I can't believe..." you whispered.

"What Y/N?"

"You're sleeping with her. This entire time being "undercover" you were screwing up with her." you said.

"Y/N, it's not like that..."

"It's not like what? Like what Jay? You fucking lied to me. I was the one who waited for you for almost an hour in front of their apartment, because you were too busy fucking her! Was that worth it? Over all these things we had?

"I wanted to see you but it came out of nowhere and I needed to meet her and talk." he answered and walked closer.

"No, all you needed was to fuck her. That's what you wanted to do. All this time. And don't play being broken and alone Jay. I was the one who were with you all this time! I stayed the night with you, I moved in with you, because you needed help! I watched you almost die, cry every night, I was there, not her! And you're still treating me like this."

"Don't make it like this Y/N... Don't play innocent girl, you're saying that I'm making wrong choices but maybe look at yourself and ask if it's right to sleep around with Adam!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Life isn't perfect Y/N."

"Yeah, funny story that you were the one who broke me first." you said and walked away.

Part 3?

#one chicago #chicago pd #chicago pd imagines #jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead imagines #jay halstead x reader #chicago pd imagine #jayhalstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead one shot #jay halstead x you

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spookypotato · 4 years ago

Note

Wow I loved that ankle fic!! If you are still looking for fics I would really enjoy one where Sirius is caught skating before he’s been cleared, maybe with a couple of the other boys and he gets in loads of trouble, lol dw just ignore if it’s bad idea 😄

1. Thank you! I'm happy you liked it.

2. Oooh yess! I hope I can do this idea justice, because I like it a lot. That's such a Sirius thing!

3. Also I love requests. I have quite a hard time coming up with good ideas but I love to write, so thank you!

Characters by @lumosinlove 💙 Thank you for this universe!

Sirius has been on the ice once, since the 'accident'. It went about as good as watching a toddler take his first steps, but in the end he was able to skate slow laps without falling down. It was stupid. He did this for a living. He had been - not to brag, just stats - one of the best. And now he was sitting on the bench waiting for the team to clear out, so he could go through the pain of skating in a circle for half an hour.

After their practice was over, Sirius went back, to the lockerroom with the boys. He could at least help them theoretically. James asked, how he was doing, as he did each week sometime more than once. Sirius - as he did each week - answered with a: "too slow for my liking". James responsible-motherhen-instict was now, nowhere to be found, when he suggested going skating later that day once even the staff had cleared out.

"You want me to risk my recovery to skate properly now instead of in a few months? Are you crazy!?", is what Sirius should have said.

"So when and where are we meeting?", is what came out of his mouth in a whisper.

That's how after the 10 laps, he did with (almost) ease today, he told Loops, that he was going to stay and do some more streches.

"You can overdo it, you know?", Remus told him, "just be careful alright? I know you'd be devastated, if all of your progress was ruined. And I would be the one having to listen to you whine."

"Firstly, I dont whine. Ever." -thats a lie and both of them knew it- "and secondly, thank you so much for your concern about my well-being, but I'll be careful, mum", Sirius added theatrically annoyed.

"This is literally my job. To tell you to be careful, so that you can play next season."

"So you dont really care about my well-being then, Loops?", Sirius gasped dramatically.

"Dont overdo it. See you tomorrow, Cap."

"Bye, Re."

The rink was silent. It was just him.

Then he nearly fell over as James jumped on him from behind.

Correction, it was just him and James.

"So, you're feeling up to playing?", James asked, standing on his own now.

"Do you really think you can win a one on one against your Captain, Potty?", Sirius challenged.

"Yes. But also I was thinking we wait for the others to join first. They should be here in a second."

"You told the others? If anybody finds out we'll be in so much trouble.", Sirius was beginning to regret his decision.

"So you dont want to play with us?", Finn's voice came out of the tunnel.

"Betrayed by our own captain?!", Logan's voice followed.

The cubs and Kasey stood in front of them now.

"Did nobody of you think it was a bad idea to come?!", Sirius asked.

"Well, our captain thinks it's fine, apparently." "And we found out about it a minute ago that someone will be blocking the rink during goalie-practise times", Leo completed Finn's thoughts.

"So we thought we'd stay with Nut and see if you suck now.", Logan added.

And because Sirius was already excited to just play a little, he answered an "Oh, it's on, Tremzy!" from where he was lacing his skates a bit tighter to give his ankle at least some stability.

Kasey hadn't been much for the idea of his Captain playing again. He knew from his thighs, that disregarding Loops orders, would only lead to a longer break. But since he would have been at the rink because of his goalie-practise anyway, he decided he would stay. Just to keep an eye on them, of course.

Definitely not, because he was missing his captain as much as the rest of the team on the ice.

Once they were all on the ice, James let Sirius choose his Teammates in a three on three. It ended in Potts, Logan and Leo against him, Finn and Kasey.

They all got their sticks and let Sirius' team have the puck first. And so his first after-recovery-game began.

He knew they went easy on him and for the first time he was glad about that. It made the game easier. He got less competitive than usual and thus put less pressure on his recovered ankle.

They passed the puck easily between one another. It felt like he had never been gone. Skating had been so had the first time afterwards, but as soon as he held his stick, he felt like this was were he always belonged.

Sirius got it to Finn and he shot it back. Kasey acting as a player now skated through the middle. He got the puck from Sirius and went for the goal. It hadnt been a bad shot at all, but for Leo there was no fun in letting the puck go in on purpose, so he blocked it and shot it to Logan.

The game went back and forth a few times, Sirius always staying on his good side. He even scored twice. He felt good. It was the first time in a long the he felt truly happy, even.

"Sirius!", came a shout from the boards. It was Lupin. A Angry-Faced Lupin. A kind of Lupin he hadnt seen in a long time. So Sirius decided to better skate over quick but carefully. The others luckily got the hint to be quiet. Or the just wanted to eavesdrop who knows.

"Sirius.", Remus repeated. "I told you to not overdo it-twice, might I add- and you decided playing a game with the team would be a good idea? I'm checking you again and yes, that is absolutely necessary. What were you thinking? You could have undone all you worked for so hard. Not just the last few months but your entire life. You could have never been able to play, do you know that?"

"Yes", Remus was never usually this angry. But Sirius thought he also saw something else in his eyes. Something between relief and excitement, he guessed.

"I hope I scared you enough with that whole speech, for you to not do it again unless I tell you you can, okay?", Loops actually waited for an answer this time. He seemed a bit more relaxed now.

"Ouai, pardon"

"No need to say sorry to me, it would have been your- Well, I do have more work now- actually yeah, say sorry, but it's no problem. I'm honestly just really glad your not currently on the ice with another broken bone.", Remus told him warmly. "Still, dont tell Arthur any of this. All of you!", he shouted to the rest still standing there. " And I will look at your ankle again, if something happens it's better to know sooner than later. Will you wait in the in the medic room?"

"Thanks. Yeah, I'll just take off the skates first.", Sirius answered, while making his way dont to the locker rooms. It was- if he hadnt broken anything again, which it didnt feel like- totally worth it. For the first time in months he actually felt like all the work had made a difference.

"Potts", he heard Loops again, while walking through the tunnel, "Potter, I know this was your idea. Come here and explain yourself."

#harry potter #lumosinlove #sweater weather #finn o'hara #leo knut #logan tremblay #remus x sirius #kasey winter #sirius black #remus lupin #request #fanfic #my fic

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just-a-fangirl13 · 4 years ago

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Why s5 *might* be the season MacRiley happens

Okay so...Hear me out! I'm not crazy I promise!!

Firstly, after 5x03 (and probably 5x04) it may seem very unlikely that MacRiley could ever happen. But I thought of a few reasons why they might actually happen by the end of s5 after all.... (it gets a lil long winded and kinda complicated but just stick with me till the end!)

1. All the MacRiley moments including the ones in 5x03.

[this Mac smile could not be an accident or something that slipped through both production and post-production right?! that in itself is a whole reason!]

Every Macriley moment we have ever had- whether it's the hugs, Riley saving Mac, Mac saving Riley, the ultimate show of loyalty when Riley went after Mac during Codex or even just the looks exchanged between the two- to any outsider it would seem pretty obvious that they are dating or at least in love. Keep in mind the writers would have written each of those scenes and Lucas and Tristan have acted them out with a specific build up in mind aka MacRiley.(think about the date episode: Riley just got dumped but was still thinking about how Mac might be hungry. She didnt have to do that. She could have just shown up at his place..) I mean how can they write two people so perfectly in sync and so perfect for each other and not have them end up together? It would just be a waste of all that tension and slow burn. (not to mention all the hugs and glances)

2. They know we exist.

The MacRiley fam is very active on twitter with the writers and while they were writing 5x01 they knew we were around. They know we are a huge group. They would not want to risk pissing 90% of the fandom off by not making MacRiley endgame.

[P.S.yes 5x03 was a bait and switch but if you were paying attention you would have noticed that neither Lucas not Tristan live tweeted or hyped up the episode. They knew we would probably hate it so they didnt publicise it too much! so in the future if you have doubts about the episode being a MacRiley one just check their stories or posts on twitter/intstagram]

3. Yes 5x03 happened.

I really think it was an episode they HAD to write. Ok so after 4x13 they had 7 more episodes planned and were filming 4x20 (aka the finale) when the pandemic struck. So they have these 6 episodes but no finale for it. [Idk if anyone else has noticed but in 5x01 there were clearly some parts cut out. For example the conversation between Desi and Riley towards the end seemed a bit jilted. Riley asking Desi to forgive her but Desi replied with yeah we are cool (still no apology ofc) I feel like something happened during that which ended up getting cut out so it could fit with the final story.]

This makes me think that they have rewritten a few bits to tie into the new finale episode. In 5x03 when Mac asked Desi to come fishing with him which was clearly something very personal to him she was like no do better.. then we see Mac's disappointed expression. She could have easily said okay but maybe not for our first date? Or its not really my thing? Or just about anything else rather than laughing in his face like that. Eventhough MD is together they still arent compatible. Mac’s final words in 5x03 was him being desperate. I truly think he is so broken and lost that Desi is the only safe thing left, the only thing he feels like he can fix right now. Once he finds himself again and heals...then it's going to hit him like a pile of bricks!!

4. But Riley doesn't have feelings anymore...WELL doesnt she?

When it comes to Mac, Riley is always in denial. We saw it in s4 when she tells Bozer not to make her say it. I think s5 will show her finally accepting it. Finally accepting that she is in love with her best friend and that it definitely isnt Codex adrenaline because she caught the feels when Codex wasnt even around. While Mac's arc would include realising he and Desi are never going to work and that he is unhappy and that RILEY is the one for him.

[why else would they give Riley feelings for Mac? Something has to come of it.]

5. The slow burn rule.[this point is a lil complicated]

Now season 5 is rumoured to have 13 episodes. So here’s what I think: If MacGyver follows the pattern that most shows do when it comes to slow burns, then technically MacRIley should have happened at the end of season 4. But since the season got cut short and they didnt get to air/finish their final episode the writers had to improvise.

From what I know, 4x19 which is 5x04 for us is the episode where Mac meets Desi’s parents and 4x20 was supposed to be the finale that was left unfinished.(they are definitely moving the timeline ahead if a pre finale episode is suddenly a mid season one.) There might have been a 4x21 or 4x22 but I haven't heard anything about those....EVER.

So what I think they have decided to do instead is extend the MD storyline a bit longer just so they dont end up scrapping all their s4 episodes where they would be together and write a new finale that ties everything together, aka MacRiley.

If you think about episode counts, s4 and s5 together would have 26 episodes which is a how long a normal season runs. Basically what im trying to say is if we follow the ‘slow burns end by s4’ and take season 5 as an extension of 4 then MacRiley should get together in the season 5 finale or maybe the episode just before. (IM REALLY TRYING TO GET SOME LOGIC INTO THIS)

This would be a typical TV thing too where the couple finds out about each other’s feelings while the main arc of the show is also at its peak, which perfectly sets up a future season where fans are hyped but still has a satisfying ending.

6. So what about MacDesi?

So far the macgyver writers have given us characters we love. Think of every character on the show apart from maybe Desi... Mac, Riley, Bozer, Jack, Matty, Leanna, Samantha, Russ and even Murdoc. WE LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. So then why is Desi such a strange character? I think shes purposely been written as an opposite to Mac or even Riley (I get she’s supposed to kinda replace Jack but Jack is really irreplaceable).

It's not necessarily a bad thing its just not a great thing to do or have great execution. People have said things like Desi is a badass and shouldnt have to apologise or say I love you back to her boyfriend because she is a strong woman...I'm sorry but your opinion of who a strong woman is, is EXTREMELY skewed. A strong woman is someone who can make mistakes and when she does, she is ‘strong’ enough to own up to it, she is loyal and fierce and also caring while being a badass who can take down bad guys. And for GODS SAKE, RILEY DAVIS IS A STRONG WOMAN...people have called her mushy and feminine on twitter and I'm just very confused by that.....

Anyways before I go off on a rant, it seems like Desi is intentionally being written this way. Every opportunity they get to redeem her and make her more relatable or just a better person they just dont take it. While Rileys character arc is one of the best I've ever seen. Either its intentional or they’ve forgotten how to write characters...which is worrisome but ill give them the benefit of the doubt.

The writers also know we dont like Desi. The amount of times we've tagged them in the toxic posts or pointed out problematic things we can be sure they've seen at least half of those. So theres no way they dont know. RIGHT?

So why then is MD still a thing you may ask??

Well for one they cant break them up again off screen because of those unreleased s4 episodes. (not to mention the other parts of the audience who arent as invested in mac’s love life would probably be very confused.)

Secondly Mac has to be the one to pull the plug, not Desi. 4x13 made it seem like Desi was the annoyed one not Mac. He apologised to her which meant he wanted to fix things.

Thirdly, they are opening the chpt one last time before they permanently close it. MD is going to be a stark contrast to macriley(it already is in every way possible). Every issue Mac and Desi had can be used to show how amazing macriley really is as two people who arent even dating yet.

Fourthly, MD being together is a sort of commentary on Macs mental health as well. We can see how happy he is with Riley but around Desi he becomes some one else. If the writers are doing this on purpose or subconsciously still remains to be seen.

And Yes keeping MD around for a few more episodes seems like a necessary risk right now but I have a feeling its going to be worth it later.

[I know we have had like 4 desi entered episodes already but I really think 5x04 will be the last of it since 5x05 is the Jack episode and 5x06 is Mac+Riley+Bozer episode with no mention of Desi at all!]

The writers know we are a dedicated bunch and they know that once MD breaks up for the last time the entire fandom will be waiting and watching. That's when the show will be at its peak. That will be the perfect moment to bring in MacRiley’s arc to a new start!

Congrats if you stuck with me through this whole thing! if you agree/disgaree with any of these or have other reasons why they could be endgame in s5 let me know!!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #macgyvercbs #Riley davis #macriley #cbs #macxriley #macriley is endgame #otp #wilt bozer #Matilda webber #Lucas till #Tristin Mays #cbsmacgyer #russ taylor #macisback #macgyver season 5

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orlissa · 4 years ago

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Okay, I have finished season 2, and here are my first impressions. Beware of spoilers.

What I have ambigious feelings about:

Changes in the timeline. On the one hand, streamlining the timeline this way, making their spatial journey more linear, makes sense, and it definitely translates better to the screen than the original book timeline would have. But on the other hand, it did break the chain of cause and effect a couple of times, which I didn’t like. E.g. Diana manifested that baby chick in the book, because she was thinking about her own baby. The very same scene taking part in the series before she is pregnant makes it senseless.

Weaving. On the one hand, I loved the visual representation of weaving. On the other hand, I detect a big fail in logic there: the only weavers are Goody and Diana. Only weavers can see the strands. Yet three other witches, who are not weavers, are handing Diana the strands. So... What? The same goes for Corra. From simply an aesthetic point of you, I liked how she looked, but she resembled more of a phoenix than a firedrake.

Phillippe. I really enjoyed James Purefoy’s portrayal of the character, but I felt like the narrative stripped much of Phillippe’s genius. Series Phillippe is a smart, powerful man, but he’s nowhere near book Phillippe, who is two steps ahead of everybody.

Steven. His scenes with Diana were really touching, but the actor always looked somewhat uncomfortable, and the whole role was just simply missing Steven liveiness from the book.

The witch’s kiss/heart vein scene. I loved its intimacy, but the actual act was overdone, and overall it seemed painful--not even the bite, but the kiss.

Marcus thinking about handing over the Grandmaster title to Baldwin. On the one hand, this subplot works really well in fleshing out Marcus’ character, but on the other hand, nope, he’d never do that.

The miniatures. It felt a bit strange that it was Matthew and Diana who commissioned the portraits (and to be honest, Diana’s looked a bit off), but at the same time the pictures served as great reason to include Jack in the present-day plot.

What I liked

All the little moments between Matthew and Diana. Especially those teasing scenes in ep 1 and when he gives her the pants for riding.

The wedding night.

Kit. I actually really liked Kit. He was a bit less of an asshole here, so it made more sense that Diana forgave him, while on the other hand the way he tried to manipulate Matthew was great.

Okay, Louisa too.

And the way Kit lured Diana away! Yeah, Matthew being in danger would definitely work better than “hey, let’s have a stroll together.”

Having Aisling Loftus play both Sophie and Susanna.

Jack. Especially his scenes with Matthew.

Jack’s presence in the background in the present.

Elizabeth. It was one of my favorite portrayals of her.

All the little details, like the pockmarks on Elizabeth’s face, the ouriborus on the saddles, and the names of the alchemical stages on the walls of the Hart and Crown.

The wardrobe. You know I’m a historical costume nut. And Diana wore quilted bodices (I want to say jumps, but based on what I’m reading that’s a bit anachronistic and they should be laced on the front) over a chemise. There was not one unbound head of hair that was not contextually appropiate (e.g. braind coming apart during travelling, hair let down in the bedchamber). The men wore hats.

Phoebe and Marcus. We know so little of their courtship, I liked how the series filled out the blanks. (Also, any guesses what the bunch of sixes on the wall in Marcus’ kitchen might signify?)

Also seeing what’s happening to those who were left behind in the present.

The narrative tension in the second to last ep. It was a good idea to bring in that conflict with Elizabeth. The last part of the book is kind of sedate, so this addition worked really well on the screen.

It’s not like a like-like, but I’m mostly content with what they cut? I mean, they streamlined the plot and the cast of characters in a pretty nifty way. Do I like Annie, Tom, George, Alain, and Chef? Yeah, sure I do. Were they absolutely necessary for the plot? Apparently, no.

What I didn’t like

How they learn that Diana is pregnant. Since the series refused to entertain the thought of them having a baby before the fact, sure, it hits big (in a way), but they’re not given the space/time to properly investigate what it means to them. Beyond fleeting remarks that “I’m sorry we cannot have children together” it’s never addressed whether it’s something they want or not. So, yeah, the very least they would have needed one longer scene there.

Rudolf. Since much of the Prague section was cut (although I applaud the whole “hunting lodge” idea to cut production expenses), but Rudolf needed to be behaving in a certain way in certain scenes, he came off a bit inconsistent. “I hate you get out of my sight!” and then in the next scene “Just kidding, come back, please?”

How the wardrobe was used sometimes. Like, as I said before, I like the production design, but the directoral choice was a bit off sometimes. For example, especially when Diana is presented to Rudolf with her jacket undone and her shirt hanging out. That’s a big etiquette no-no.

Henry Percy barely got any screentime! He is a sweetheart! He deserved more!

#adow #adow season 2 #a discovery of witches #a discovery of witches s2 #a discovery of witches season 2

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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The Owl House: Enchanting Grom Fright: Happy Valentine’s Gays

Happy Valentine’s Day owl ladies, gentleman and non-binary folks! It’s time to finish off this holiday in proper style with a LONG overdue review of enchanting Grom Fright and even longer overdue coverage of the Owl House. The Owl House was one of the best debuts of last year if not THE best, only in contention because Close Enough also started last year and looks to surpass regular show in terms of quality. But with stunning animation, tons of representation, and colossal worldbuilding. And given how i’m on record for thinking Star Vs went so far down the tubes they bumped into where Cthulu is sleeping, it’s nice to have another magic based show that seems to be on the right track: carefully building i’ts world, supporting cast and for today’s topic main romance. It also rather than just obliquely hint one character was bi and the other pan, actually goes out of it’s way to have a bisexual protaginst with a gay love intrest. As my good friend @jess-the-vampire has brought up quite a bit, star had plnety of options. .but no willingness to actually campaign for any queer rep, the way Gravity Falls head Alex Hirsch tried to, he still gets credit for trying, and Owl House creator Dana Terrace gets full credit for.

Terrace got her start working on Gravity Falls in line production before working her way up to directing for ducktales, being instrumental in how Webby was animated and how she moves and acts, and being the director for several classic season one episodes including “Woo-Hoo!”, “The Spear of Selene” , “Day of the Only Child!” which was one of my faviorites from season 1 and “The Beagle Birthday Massacre!”. And while I can’t 100% confirm she’s the only part responsible for starting Weblena, given she was director on an episode where a lot of the romantic subtext was in the visuals, she certainly helped so thank you Dana. Thank you a lot. Their adorable. Point is she’s a talented lady and wasn’t satisfied with directing, so she pitched her own show, combining tons of ides and stuff including of all things, Pokemon Red. I checked the article wikipedia had sourced, it was one of her happy childhood memories as it was one of the last things her dad gave her. Awwwwwww. That’s as sweet as it is painful. She’s also currently dating Alex Hirsch, something I was entirely unaware of but find also adorable. Point is i’m glad I looked into her as she’s a very nice person, and very much my kind of weirdo and i’m happy for her sucess and her singuarly weird show that sprung from that sucess.

Now that part of it’s out of the way the episode itself was an uphill battle as you’d expect. As anyone familiar with this blog is aware, but just in case your new, you tend to hear me bitching about Disney’s handling of queer represntation a LOT

For the most part Disney’s pretty bad at it: There was the string of “FIRST GAY CHARACTER IN AN X” they had going for a while.. that consisted of a character I dind’t realize was gay, a kiss I didn’t see, and a talk with a character who I honestly wouldn’t of been looking for had disney not patted themselves on the back with some giant sized hands because htey saved some pym particles for that occasion. Ducktales was unable to have Penumbra come out as gay more clearly because I don’t know Ducks can’t be day.. but they can be IMPLIED to be gay or pansexual as hard as the crew possibly can so they win anyway. Pixar was able to have a gay lead character for one of it’s sparks shorts out and even focused on him coming out of the closet and it’s very good and something I WILL give Pixar credit for... but not Disney Plus who go out of their way to not mention the lead being gay.. despite the fact the short opens with a gay space cat riding a gay space dog out of a rainbow and then it being revaled our lead is in a relationship not long into the short. My point is the idiots who won’t watch this for having gay characters are just going to turn it off, who cares what they think, why are you like this Disney. They need to do better, and be better and i’m getting tired of this shit.

That being said... this episode is a step in the right directoin as despite having to get past one obstructive asshole, not her words but damn if it isn’t the truth, as the rest of hte execs were fine with having a gay character, Terrace fought hard for it and WON, having a clearly gay character, and a clear road to a gay romace as the lead one, all because she wanted some representation in her works. So to honor this, I present this review in honor of love, effort and saying screw you to not having represntation because money. Join me under the cut and allt hat.

We open in the owl house, in the owl house, duck dodge push and shove, it’s how we show our love in the.. you get the point. Luz is learning yet another Rune, this time plant runes.. and already something I love about the series pops up: the fact Luz’s rise in skill is gradual but noticable. Each spell noticably improves in potency with time, going from simple lights to shaping them into simple constructs, and learning to control or time her spells and glpyhs so they launch she she says so, with each one getting more powerful the more she learns. And on top of that osmething I just noticed on rewatch of this episode is her tecnique in finding them evolved, something I dind’t notice the first time because I hadn’t fully caught up and checked this one out to see if Disney would actually let them go through with it.. and they did. Point is her first spell is found by accident, her second by realizing how her magic works fundemntally, both require skilled deduction and on the fly thinking and casting, so she’s already pretty skilled.. but now sh’es ACTIVELY seeking out a new spell here for the first time. She knows how she gets them, she knows each school is tied to a form, and she likely got the plant from williow since that’s her thing and she’s a saint. A demon but also a saint. They can have those too. It’s what I assume relicor is.

I miss that goblin demon bat man. Point is it shows an evolution in Luz’s thinking: while it’s a subtle thing she took a more proactive approach this time even if it took a lot of practice.. and it pay soff as by the time of her next rune, while it’s once again sorta handed to her she has less time to learn it, almost none, and finds it singed onto a ball.. and learns it effortlessly to the point where by the next episode it’s a crucial plot point. IT’s subtle but clever character progression, and stuff I really enjoy, showing our hero going from a bit inept but not helpless or incomptient.. to a force to be reckconed with and far more clever and strategic than yo’ud expect given her sometimes reckless and almost always happy go lucky attitude.

Luz worries teaching King about the internet was a bad idea because he gets excited about a literal cat fight which .. yeah... it was a bad idea but not because of that.. but because next he finds someone saying the earth is flat and she wisely yanks it away. It’s.. very sad that the absolutley maddening and easily debunked flat earth theory is still RELATIVLEY more sane than the stuff we’ve had pop up during the trump era and the cornoavirus pandemic.

But one of the main conlficts of the episode pops up as Luz’s mom messages her and Luz can’t bring herself to tell her anything and just sends a thumbs up. I do think this episode helps even things from the pilot a bit as it was a bit lopsided: While I got that Camillia was genuinely struggling with how to deal with Luz, and was offered an out and had to take it... the fact she sees NO problem with the normalcy camp, which comes off intentioanlly or not a sa parallel to conversion camps or camps to make autistic kids “Normal”. And as someone whose both bisexual and autistic, I naturally relate to luz way more as someone whose intrests sometimes just don’t quite fit with everyone else, and who dosen’t get how bad some of their actions were. THat’s why this episode feels like a necessary course correction: Luz is shown to genuinely love her mama and feel guilty.. but we see camilia genuinlely loves and supports her daughter a bit more. While it was clear from the pilot this shows it more, with her genuinely just wanting to know her daughter’s okay and checking up on her, and giving me the feeling that possible consequences or no if something bad WAS happening or she didn’t hear from her for a long time, she would’ve drove up there to get her. It feels like the writers realized the implications they accidently created and wanted to fix it, though I can’t say for certain. But if so good on you for course correcting, not every show does that.

But King encourages her, telling her she’s doing the right thing by lying and to “trust the demon on your shoulder”. Keep this in mind for later, but that joke is great on it’s own. But soon i’ts time for school and Hooty.. barfs out Luz’s books for her.

I haven’t been this disturbed since.. (Looks at the clock) About 2 maybe three hours ago when I watched a man have, if apparently shorter than the oriiginal cut as I wanted to see everyone else’s reactions dammit, sex with hiis car which was possesed by the mad ghost of his dead wife. Because that’s the kind of stuff i’m into when i’m not reviewing stuff. And before that Tinky.. just everything about tinky.

I do not have enough time to get into TInky here or why he exestially horrifies me. Or why Jeff blim is a living god. I will save that for a proper review if I have the time tomorrow. Point is I saw a lot today and that still tops it. Willow and Gus are likewise grossed out and want to leave.

Cut to school where Luz wonders what’s with all the decorations.. that remind me of this honestly

And frankly given the whole state of the boiling isles it REALLY wouldn’t surprise me if the decorations were indeed well cooked faces. But i’ts Grom time, which means elaborate gromposals (Some Dude asks Skara out with a beating heart and an elaborate medical proposal.. which.. points for effort. And for using an actual heart. Couldn’t get one for mine. ), dancing and someone being chosen for Grom Queen. WHich Willow hints isn’t as nice as that sounds. Before we can get into that though Amity bumps into them and gets into a tizzy before meekly greeting “Luz.. and Co”. which.. not going to lie.. is my faviorite gag of the season. Just htw way she adds them and just the way Willow and Guz both smile widely at it as if to say “That’s us!”. Amity drops a note and snatches it back. This will be important later, you all know why, point is Amity becomes Grom Queen.. and is heavily depressed with Luz following her to find out why. At the gym.. she does indeed ifnd out why: Turns out Grom is not some mutation of an earthname but is based around a horrifying entity lurking beneath the isles, Gromethious the Fear Bringer, who emerges from his slumber once a year and must be fought back and brings out his target’s greatest fears. Just like groundhog day only with less time loops and rodent abuse. Amity is scared of hers, and i’ll obviously get into this more later, and Luz simply suggests asking bump to opt out and Amity appricates the support. Awwww.

Luz heads home and we find out Eda is chaperoning and King is mcing. Eda is also rocking a suit. Just damn girl, damn. But Luz considers taking her place.. and gets laughed at, with Eda assuming she’ll have to save her and King just being kind of a dick. I mean he’s a loveable thoroughly cuddly dick but he’s still a dick... just more like a stuffed plushie of one. So basically exactly like Tinky. Look I mention him more than once in this review he dosen’t put me in the bastard box. It’s a great system. Naturally this makes Luz more determined than ever to prove herself and she finds Amity in the night, with Amity having been unable to get out of it.. and Bumps a resonable guy, he just wants a substitute and no one wants the job.. except Luz who galdly volunteers and insists ntohing scares her before the giant spider on the back of her head proves otherwise. Because of course it does, spiders are fucking terrifying. Kill then all.. except the pokemon ones. Galvaltula are sweethearts. As are Ariadoses. Sweethearts who can elctorcute or poison you but still.

So the next way Luz begins preparing.. and by that I mean it’s time for training. Sadly we don’t get an episode of Luz and Amity getting trapped in an 80′s fashion montage... I mean yes Rise of the TMNT also did that plot the same year, but we had two diffrent plots about someone getting trapped in an eldtrich sitcom and a THIRD this year, all entertaingly unique. Though we do get Luz pulling out an otter suit that’s adorable and she sadly still hasn’t worn yet. “This one says i’m an otter, with a dark side”. She also got thrown out of a school dance for.. wearing an otter suit. Okay the other things we saw in the pilot were understandable but htis is just.. baffling. Who cares what you wear to a dance as long as it isn’t horribly racist of nothing at all.

Damn you flanders and your glorious ass. Point is Amity shows up and threatens hooty’s life because.. he’s hooty. The fact he isn’t dead already is a testiment to how badass he is and how much money he’d cost Eda to replace. Owl Tubes don’t come out of a stygian hole in the unvierse every day you know. That’s only every three years. It’s basic styigan owl tube science.

But Amity wants her to be ready and that she’ll have to face her greatest fear.. and cue hooty popping up, poking amity in the face and asking if she wants to know her greatest fear. Really he can clearly hear everything in the house given he heard that, so he heard the death threat he just chose to ignore it. That.. was a mistake. And by mistake I mean we get a hilarious cut to the outside of the house as Luz tries to stop her love intrest from murdering her second mom’s tube monster. The result is some bandages and an eyepatch. To be fair that last one was just flaring up from a previous beating.

For this solem task of training, Amity has brought in her local disaster bisexuals.. aka her twin siblgins Eldric and Elmyra, whose greatest fears are dying alone and being stuck with Eldric. Both understandable. They conjur luz’s greatest fears which are.. some of the funniest shit I heard all year.. and also very relatable. Human souls in cat bodies, which is genuinely terrifying good job Luz, Jerks on the internet who mansplain things, relatable, and soy milk.

But Amity knows this is just the openign act. it needs to be something deeper.. so while Luz dosen’t realize it’s probably her mom issues she brings up her issues with her other mom: that Eda dosen’t think she can do this. Hence we get a giant eda putting Luz in a babychair. Before we can unpack how wrong that sentence sounded, Eda comes out, and marvels at how hot giant her is. But she’s quickly distracted from sex with a giant version of herself, which is not an easy feat, by the relization “Wait Luz is going to fight grom isn’t she.. fuck i’m going to have to save her”, though Luz holds firm on doing it to prove she’s fine and dosen’t need to be saved constantly. it’s a good conflict. Eda IS right that Luz is not ready for this alone, that she’s overcompensating and that Eda would, in normal circumstances be the one to rescue her. As we’ll see it’s not her who does it but still, were this any other foe she probably would be. But Luz’s motivations are equally understandable: She wants to help her friend not have to do this and she wants to prove she can do it. She just wants her mentor, the only person in her life up to meeting her that GNEUINELY supported her in magic to respect her. To have faith in her and actually see how far she’s come. And given how her own mother writes off her dreams, if not unrealistically, and before this she had no friends or support system to speak of outside her mom, it’s easy to see why this is so improtant to Luz: she just wants to make the one person in her life whose ever support her actually think it was worth it when in truth Eda already thinks it does and just dosen’t want her to die.

She’s just not good with talking to her or not condescending to her as her own ego is stacked sky high, probably because the whole curse thing meant Eda was an outcast by default and the system wants to either chain her to one form of magic and one only or shackle her to them as a hired goon. Her ego, while justified, is also a defense mechanism: a way to shield herself from the fact almost no one cares about her and one of the few people who DOES, dosen’t care what she wants or needs. Once the curse happened she lost just about everything and had to rebuild and thus build up walls around herself and kept everyone else at arms length till Luz changed her for the better. It’s just a tragic clash of two wills both with similar problems but both unwilling to talk about them.

But with time up, our heroes need to get to the diggity dance. So they indeed do and we get some fun sight gags, Willow makes corsages, that one girl with the cresent head somehow ended up with Mathomule and is not happy, as anyone who ends up with him should. And it’s time for Luz to face her destiny.. in a tux with a tutu because of course, and Amity likes it because also of course.

IT’s time to rumble, with King getting nervous due to eda’s prodding about mcing since his co-mc gus is really good at it, and introducing our champion.

No wait sorry he’s still trapped in Mojoworld. no it’s still Luz who shows off a seasons worth of skill by easily dispatching the first few fears and saying to grom let’s finish it.. before grom puts a tentacle on her head.

It’s to downlaod her fear.. which is Camillia. Granted we could all see it coming but still Luz obviously can’t fight her own mother or her own overwhelming guilt.. her mom did hurt her.. but she gets why and just loves her and wants her to be proud but dosen’t know what to do: tell her the trutha nd possibly loose a happy and fufilling life or wait until it all blows up. It’s a painful choice. So luz and king end up running. King runs first because he can’t handle it and Gus talks him back into the groove while Luz runs away because she can’t fight her own mom, understandable, and Gus encourages king to lead the crowd which he does. Amity and Eda follow Luz.

So Luz is backed down, facing down a monster tha’ts going to go on to everyone else next if she fails... and Eda prepares to interfere.. but it’s AMITY who faces her fear and dives in. And we find out just what her fear was as grom turns into a humanoid shape and rips the letter in half.. it was a grom invitation. Though conviently the who it’s adressed to was ripped out.

And yeah not going to save this one: It’s Luz. You know it I know it I didn’t even hide it in the intro. Even before the reveal in a bit it was obvious. But it also makes perfect sense. I’ve avoided talking about her character arc up to this point because I was waiting for now. Amity’s growth is the third major arc of the season behind Luz’s slow learning of magic and eventually induction into hexside and eda’s curse, which I lump in with Lilith chasing her since both were mildly entertwined and then entirely are once the reveal hits in the finale. When we meet her she’s an outright bully.. but we slowly see there’s more there. That she’s not really HAPPY or content, is contstantly under pressure by her family name, is outright bullied by her own siblings who don’t understand her. So Luz coming in, seemingly only being intrested in magic because i’ts neat.. understandably bothers her. She’s not a great person, bullying her old best friend because tha’ts what’s expected and being close with outright bullies because of that.. but it’s through Luz she starts to grow, realizing Luz is genuinely nice and genuinely sorry for any trouble she caused Amity, and evne then both cases were causaed by Amity’s own dickishness and outside forces, so it’s easy to see why she defrosts faster. Her siblings realize they’ve genuinely hurt her, and actually try to be good siblings from then on and help her, and slowly Amity learns to truth luz, trust in her, and accept her... and thus accept her feelings for her. There are gradual hints she’s growing attracted to her.. but her walls had to come down first, and it wouldn’t of worked from the outset. The show cleverly has the two build a genuine friendship, two opposities who work well together, so when feelings do happen it feels natural. It’s not “I’m in love with this person because I have to because you can’t be friends with someone your attracted to” bullshit or anything like that, cough star vs cough, it’s just well built catching feelings. I’ts how this kind of thing SHOULD go: niether went in intending for this to happen.. it’s just happening.

And Amity’s reluctance is painfully understandable, as Luz is the ONLY friend and support she has. Sure she and willow are patching things up, but WIllow would understandably choose luz over her and she’s terrified of loosing the one good thing in her life. Of course Luz would either say yes, and probably will some day, or let her down gently, she’s nice.. but it’s also understandable to be afraid that someone won’t take the reveal well. I’ve been there trust me, it’s easier when you let it out even if you get rejected, but I get it being hard to let out because you don’t want to loose a friend. I did not, and niether would she, but I can see why she wouldn’t want ot take the plunge. At least not yet. We’ll see this summer hopefully.

But we do get a shiptastic, gorgeously aniamted scene of the two dancing an fightin gin perfect synch, combinging luz’s new use of plant magic with amity’s mastery of abominations resulting in the two utterly decimating grom, likely in part because with two fast moving targets he can’t get a lock on and likely nees more fear and mass to attack multiple targets at once. Or just more tendrils. it’s a quick, beautful sequence that’s utterly glorious, being framed as romantic as any hetero scene of the type and rightfully so. A triumph and well deserving of this praise.

Our heros have won, get crowns, and King gets praise. All is well.. except Luz drops the crown once she gets home because she feels like she failed and feels lost about her mom.. though at least king gets it “I’m king and queen, best of both things!”. You tell em sister.

So we end with Luz genuinely responding to her mom, with some montage stuff as we see Gus and Willow poke a fear blob, willow fears bugs, understandable and Gus fears clowns...

Also understandable. Though I didn’t put up a bug picture because

And Amity looks out folornly into the night. Camilla responds to Luz.. and mentions letters.. which while Luz brushes those off.. we see someone sent them. And by someone I probably mean king since we now know only eda and him had acess to the portal, and given he was actively encouraging her to lie.. yeah i’m supscious. But we’ll see next season. For now this episode is fan fucking tastic, showing off tons of character development, being representative and sweet as all hell.. and being really funny. Tons of great gags in this one including the turtle guy from an earlier episode being forced to be adisco ball. This is easily the series best so far and if you haven’t checked it out, please do it’s fantastic as is this show. Check both out. Until the next rainbow i’ts been a pleasure. Tommorow more disney shenanigans this time with pete. And also more of this possibly we’ll see what I get done.

Goodnight everybody!

#the owl house #lumity #luz noceda #amity blight #willow park #gus #eda clawthrone #king #principal bump #grometheious #enchanting grom fright #lbgtq+#disney #disney plus

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dawninlatin · 4 years ago

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‘tis the damn season, chapter 1

A belated gift for @ladywitchling <3 Merry Christmas my love, hope you appreciate this as much as I appreciate you!<3

Words: 1728

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Manon prepares to spend Christmas alone. Little does she know Elide has other plans...

«Are you sure you’re fine with being alone on Christmas?»

Manon couldn’t help but sigh, hoping that Asterin wouldn’t hear it through the phone. She appreciated her cousin’s worrying, but calling four times a day to check in was a bit excessive.

«Yes, Asterin.» She twisted in her office chair, opening her laptop. «It’s not as if we ever did anything special for Christmas anyway.» Manon glanced at the clock, then at the amount of unopened emails. It would be a while before she was done for the day, but she didn’t mind. No one was waiting for her.

Elide had left this morning to spend the holiday with her family, and without the presence of her cheery girlfriend, Manon didn’t really see the point of celebrating Christmas. She had received an invitation to join Asterin, but she had a family of her own now. Manon would only feel like an intruder the whole night.

As if she’d read Manon’s mind, Asterin said from the other end of the line, «Not doing much for Christmas isn’t the same as being alone.»

«I know that, but-»

Before she find a way finish that sentence, Asterin interrupted her again. «Can’t Elide-»

«Elide has already left to celebrate with her family, as she should.» Manon tried to ignore the sound of defeat in her voice as she yet again was reminded of how empty their apartment would be. Maybe that was why she’d decided to work overtime on Christmas Eve.

Saying goodbye to her girlfriend earlier today had been torture, and all Manon had wanted was to pull Elide into a tight embrace and spend all of Christmas cozied up in bed, just the two of them.

She didn’t though. Instead she put on a brave smile and held back her tears as her favorite person walked out the door.

Rolling her eyes at her own dramatics, Manon said to Asterin, «Christmas is overrated anyway. And I mean it when I say I don’t mind being alone.»

Liar. Dirty, filthy liar.

«Okay,» Asterin sighed at last, obviously spotting the lie, but playing along nonetheless. «You’re probably happy to finally have some peace and quiet.»

«Damn right I am,» Manon smiled, her heart once again filling up with love for her cousin. Before Elide, Asterin had been the only person Manon had. The two cousins had been raised by the same cruel grandmother, and it had made them inseparable, always looking after one another.

«I’ll leave you to it then. I need to take a long nap before I can do anything else. Willow kept us up all night.» Asterin yawned, and Manon chuckled slightly at the sound of her tired cousin. Being the mother of a one-year-old wasn’t easy. Especially not when that one-year-old was also the daughter of Fenrys Moonbeam.

Speaking of the devil… «You still talking to The Grinch?»

Manon tipped her head back and laughed as Fenrys’ voice filled her ear. The nickname was one he’d lovingly began to call her after she’d voiced her aversion for the bright and merry season.

«Hello to you too, Fenrys.»

«Wait a moment,» Asterin suddenly said. «I’m turning on the FaceTime camera.»

Manon could hear some shuffling coming from the phone she’d pulled away from her ear, and then the small family filled her screen. She smiled warmly at the sight of a very tired Willow, who looked like she’d just been woken up from a nap of her own by the way her soft curls stood in every direction and how she clung to her father.

«Hey Willow,» Manon cooed, and the little girl’s face lit up at the sight of her auntie.

She babbled some nonsense, and Asterin handed her the phone, which she immediately put in her mouth.

«No!» Asterin was quick to steal the phone back, but the glare Willow gave her had Manon laughing again.

«Alright, it looks like someone is hungry, so I’ll hang up now.» Manon waved at her niece. «Bye, Willow!»

«Can you say bye to auntie Manon?» Even after a year, she still filled with pride whenever anyone called her that, and as Willow waved enthusiastically, Manon forgot all sadness from earlier.

Pressing a kiss to his wife’s cheek, Fenrys took Willow and left the frame. «Let’s go and feed The Kraken!»

«Fenrys!» Asterin called after him, but she was grinning.

«Merry Christmas, Asterin,» Manon said softly, ready to turn her attention back to her work.

«Merry Christmas, Manon. I love you.»

«I love you too,» she replied, and hung up.

Manon debated calling Elide as well, while she was at it, but it was getting dark outside, so she decided it was best to just finish for the day and go home to suffer through Christmas alone.

Three hours later, Manon was finally finished with her workload. There was only one last thing to do…

Groaning as she got up from her desk, Manon made her way towards the office of the only other person grumpy and joyless enough to spend the holiday at work.

If Manon was the Grinch, Lorcan Salvaterre had to be something far, far worse.

She knocked on his door, and he responded with an annoyed «What do you want.»

Stepping into his office, Manon scowled at the sight of her least favorite person in the world. She really didn’t have the patience to deal with this today.

«I’m done for the day, so I just wanted to check if you got the files I sent you,» Manon stated, examining her nails with a bored look on her face.

Lorcan’s signature frown entered his face as he checked his email, then looked back too Manon. «Yeah, so you can leave now. I wanna work in peace.»

«Too bad I came here to chit-chat then, since you’re like, my favorite person in the whoooole world,» Manon deadpanned, turning on her heel so she didn’t have to stay a minute more in his miserable presence.

Manon and Lorcan saw each other an awful lot for basically being archenemies. It wasn’t enough that they worked together. No, two years back, Elide had been taking her to a party so she could finally meet her friends, and none other than Lorcan fucking Salvaterre had greeted them, his smile quickly shifting to a scowl as Manon had muttered a not-so-quiet you’ve got to be kidding me.

Thinking about the memory, she stopped in the doorway, her longing from earlier having returned at full force. A small smile played on her lips as she looked over her shoulder. «Have a shitty Christmas, Salvaterre.»

Lorcan let out a small chuckle. «You too, Blackbeak.»

Sitting on the train, Manon suddenly began to regret not decorating the apartment. It felt wrong to know that she was on her way to an empty apartment, as ordinary-looking as always, when she was surrounded by so many people dressed in finery, on their way to see friends and family, twinkling lights passing in a blur.

A wave of sadness rushed through her. She would have given anything to have Elide by her side right now, holding her hand, talking about her day, smiling, laughing, just being there.

Actual tears burned behind her eyes then, and Manon silently cursed Christmas for making her so emotional. She never cried! And now she was being all sappy because she’d been away from her girlfriend for a grand total of ten hours. What was wrong with her?

Her phone chimed in her purse, interrupting her sad music video moment, and when Manon saw who had texted her, she had to fight even harder to hold back the tears.

Elide<3: You on your way home yet?<3

Manon: On the train now

She thought for a second, before sending another message.

Manon: Thinking of you<3

Elide<3: Thinking of you too, can’t wait to see you again<3<3

Had her younger self seen this, she would have snorted at the sappy words and heart emojis, but there was no denying it, no one could resist the charm of Elide Lochan.

Looking up once more, Manon saw that it had started to snow, the world already covered by a white blanket.

Next year she would accept Asterin’s invitation, Manon promised herself.

Standing before her door, Manon spent longer than necessary fumbling for her keys. Maybe some part of her didn’t want to enter the empty apartment, she was mature enough to admit that.

Because whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, it was Christmas, and she was sad because Elide wasn’t there, and her home wasn’t decorated and her dinner was a miserable plate of yesterday’s leftovers and her only plan was to watch a movie, alone.

Manon let out a sigh as she let her head hit the door, needing a moment to gather herself. «it’s your own fault for trying to be so fucking independent and untouchable the whole time,» she whispered.

She gave herself one more second to brood, then she twisted the key and eased the door open.

A few steps into the hallway, Manon stopped short, a confused look on her face. She’d turned off the lights this morning, hadn’t she? And was that…?

It was music, the soft tones of some Christmas song, coming from the kitchen.

Looking around, there were even a few decorations put up, a mistletoe hanging over the entrance to the living room.

«Hello?» Manon called, not letting herself really think about who this had to be. Not letting that kind of hope come to life.

Heart pounding in her chest, she stepped into the living room, and could do nothing but gasp in awe as she took in her surroundings. A Christmas tree stood in the corner, the room lit up by its softly glowing lights, and everywhere there were little trinkets and other decorations. On the mantel of the fireplace was a picture of her and Elide that hadn’t been there before. It was from last week, Manon recognized, when they’d been at the Christmas market, and on the frame were the words: Make the yuletide gay. A bubbling laugh escaped her, and she couldn’t hold the tears back this time.

A voice sounded from the kitchen, and Manon turned around, only to be met by a pair of shining eyes and a bright smile.

«Merry Christmas, my love.»

Taglist: @ireallyshouldsleeprn @ladywitchling

I keep a separate taglist for every ship, so let me know if you want to be added to any of them!

#malide #manon x elide #manon blackbeak #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #asterin blackbeak #fenrys moonbeam #asterin x fenrys #fensterin #sarah j maas #sjm #throne of glass #tog #queen of shadows #qos

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skzsauce01 · 4 years ago

Text

In Fair Verona︱Chapter 6

Synopsis: Jisung knows he is the Romeo to your Juliet. He could wax poetry about you all throughout rehearsal and even a little after. Except Hwang Hyunjin is the one playing Romeo in the school play, not him. Jisung is just another tech crew member that you don’t know, but he’s determined to win your heart... by any means necessary.

Warning: violent imagery

Word Count: 1.9k

Pairing: fem!reader x Jisung; fem!reader x Hyunjin

Prepare to be baited. Apologies in advance.

updates every Wednesday and Sunday @ 11 PM PST︱chapter list

In love?

Out.

Of love?

Out of her favor, where I am in love.

He can hardly wait for dinner break. The Pepero box is burning a hole in his pocket. He touches it almost every two minutes, making sure it is still there. When he helps set the stage, it bounces around, its sharp corners poking his stomach through the thin fabric of his hoodie. Every time he looks at you, he imagines how happy you will be when he presents you with your favorite snack. You’ll offer him some as thanks, and if he’s brave, maybe he’ll ask if you want to play the Pepero game with him. He shivers at the thought of your eyes shining with anticipation, your lips being centimeters away from his, the gasp that escapes your mouth when he closes the gap.

When the lights go out for the last time, he helps clear the stage before heading to the dressing rooms. He stands in the hallway, fiddling with the lock on a nearby locker that isn’t his. He tries different combinations while waiting for you to appear, but he always goes back 1-4-3. You finally come out, one hand busy zipping up your too-large sweater.

“Hey.” He drops the lock, and it stops against the locker with a metallic thud.

“Oh! Hi. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to give you something.” He holds out the Pepero, the pink packaging a stark contrast to his all black outfit.

Your head tilts to the side as you ask, “What is it for?”

Kissing practice is what he wants to say. “Luck? Hard work? I don’t really know. I thought of you when I saw it at the convenience store.”

“Thanks. You sure have a good memory,” you remark, taking the Pepero. “I swear, you remember everything I tell you.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

He follows you back to the classroom. With the exception of the sound of your footsteps, it’s quiet. You make no attempt to start a conversation, and Jisung notices that your fingers are absentmindedly playing with the drawstring on your sweater.

“More jajangmyeon for dinner?” he tries.

“Fried chicken leftovers, actually. My mom bought me some last night after rehearsal. Are you having ramen again?”

“Yeah. I’m practicing being a broke college student.”

You laugh and tap his shoulder with a corner of the Pepero box. “You’ve got until next year before you have to worry. Do you want the Pepero?”

“That’s for you,” he says as he steps into the room. “I’ll be f—”

“Y/N!” an excited Hyunjin shouts. Everyone turns in his direction, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “You’re finally here!”

A wide grin splits across your face. “You’re so impatient,” you say, but you hurry over anyway. You pull out a plastic container out of your lunch bag, and Jisung has to watch as you flash a smirk at Hyunjin.

Meanwhile, Jisung sits at a nearby table, pretending not to pay attention to what is happening just a short distance away. He can’t believe Hyunjin ruined his plans again.

“You’re torturing me,” Hyunjin dramatically sighs.

“Maybe I should heat it up first,” you tease. “It tastes better hot.”

“Cold chicken is good, too. Please?”

“Alright. I’ll stop now.” You open the container, revealing fried chicken. You hand Hyunjin a fork and take one for yourself. “Dinner time.”

Jisung wants to smack the utensil out of his Hyunjin’s hand and possibly Hyunjin himself. He’s taking away your food. Knowing him — or at least, the version of him he has in his head — he probably manipulated you into giving him some. His hands shake as he pours water into his ramen, and he accidentally spills some onto the table.

“You’re an angel, you know that?” Hyunjin says. He stabs another piece and pops it into his mouth. “This is so good.”

Two spots of pink appear on your cheeks. “You are too. Thanks for splitting your lunch with me.”

It’s Hyunjin’s turn to blush. “No problem. I can’t have the girl I drink poison for die of hunger.”

You laugh into your sleeve and shyly look back to Hyunjin, who is gazing at you like he would at the stars. The two of you make eye contact and dissolve into a fit of nervous giggles.

The room suddenly feels too hot for Jisung. He drinks water until his bottle is depleted in an effort to cool himself down and to drown out the growing scream in his throat. He scrunches the thin plastic, and it makes a satisfying crackling noise as it folds in on itself. While the guy two tables down turns back to search for the direction of the noise, you’re still absorbed by Hyunjin. Jisung does it again, waiting for you to acknowledge him.

You don’t.

For the rest of dinner break, he intently eavesdrops on your conversation while scrolling through Hyunjin’s social media, hoping to find some new incriminating evidence. The closest thing he finds is a new self-posted video compilation of Hyunjin failing to do some kind of turn. You would probably find it endearing though. In the meantime, you and Hyunjin discuss the finer points of dying by poison. So, nothing of interest except that he now knows about the many foods that contain cyanide.

Jisung feels barely awake during the second half of rehearsal; it’s like he reverted back to his behavior last week, except he’s no longer dreaming of you. When Hyunjin leans down to kiss you, a flash of anger shoots through him because he should be the only one doing that. It’s only a stage kiss, but he wants to shove him off of you and off the stage. However, when you run your fingers down Hyunjin’s jaw, he feels gray and blurry. It should be him on the floor, feeling your feather-light touch. He sees the way your hand shakes — like his own, he notices — and he wants to wrap you up in his warmth, whisper that you’re safe with him, hold your hand in his, place a tender kiss on your temple. His heart aches for you, and you don’t even know it.

He doesn’t even realize how badly he wants rehearsal to be over until the tech crew is dismissed for the night. His sigh of relief is so loud that Felix comes over and asks if he’s okay.

“I’m so tired,” he answers. Tired of listening and watching to you and Hyunjin flirting and not being able to do anything about it.

“We’re doing the whole play tomorrow, so rest up, Jisung.” After seeing the lifelessness in Jisung’s eyes, he softens his tone. “Hey, take care, alright? We’re counting on you, especially since Changbin’s getting slower by the day.”

Jisung gives him a halfhearted laugh. “Yeah, thanks. See you tomorrow.”

Felix leaves through the auditorium doors, while Jisung goes to the green room to get his backpack. His footsteps make shuffling noises across the linoleum floor. He can hear your familiar melodic laugh echoing down the hall, and he instinctively knows you’re with Hyunjin. It sounds like the two of you are practicing sword fighting based on the smacks of wooden rulers. He lingers outside the classroom, unsure of how to approach the situation. If he’s within two meters of Hyunjin, he’s sure he’ll join the fight, but with an intention to actually hurt him. While he runs simulations in his head, he hears the mention of Pepero. His ears perk up immediately.

“You have Pepero?” Hyunjin says. “Why didn’t you just eat this instead of stealing my lunch?”

“Hey! You got fried chicken later, which is way better than your lame excuse of fried rice.”

“You said it was good at lunch!”

“It was good at the moment,” you agree. “But looking back…”

“Fine, fine. I might have not put enough gochujang, but it wasn’t bad.”

You hum a noncommittal response before Hyunjin asks about the Pepero again.

“Oh, right. I got it before dinner from a friend. I said I liked it, and he remembered, so he got it for me. It was really nice of him.”

Jisung feels miffed at not being mentioned by name. You do talk about him sweetly, so he doesn’t feel as bad.

“Lucky,” Hyunjin sighs. “My friends send me random cat pictures and ask about homework.”

“Minho’s cats are cute,” you protest. There’s the sound of cardboard being ripped and plastic being pulled apart. “Do you want some?”

Jisung can’t take it anymore; that’s supposed to be him, being offered a snack. He strides inside the classroom and does his best surprised expression when you and Hyunjin turn to face him. Hyunjin’s hand comically hangs in mid-air above the open package.

“Y/N, you’re still here?” he says, ignoring Hyunjin outright. “It’s almost 9:30.”

“Yeah,” you reply. “My mom must be running late. It was the season finale of her show tonight.”

“Do you want a ride?” he asks. He picks up his backpack from the floor and pulls his car keys from the side pocket. “I can drive you home if you like.”

You shake your head. “It’s alright. She’s on her way.”

“If you ever need a ride, I can drive you too,” Hyunjin says.

Jisung toys with his keys to prevent himself from starting a fist fight. He’s ready to retort that he’s had his license longer, and thus is a better driver, but you cut in with a laugh and a wave of your hand, dismissing both of their suggestions.

“That’s nice of you both, but it’s okay. I won’t have to sleep at school tonight.”

Jisung and Hyunjin eye each other. Jisung straightens himself up and puffs up his chest a bit. Hyunjin, however, only raises his eyebrows at Jisung’s strange actions. You don’t notice the one-sided staredown happening and stretch your arm out, cheerfully offering Jisung a Pepero.

He practically snatches one from the package and snaps it in half with his front teeth, looking directly at Hyunjin while saying, “Thanks. I’m glad I gave you this today.”

“Great tradeoff, isn’t it?” you joke. “I get a whole box in exchange for letting you have one. Hyunjin?” You hold out the snack to him.

“Thanks.”

An awkward silence dawns upon the room, and Jisung nibbles the rest of his biscuit, wishing that he didn’t eat most of it. What other reason can he make up to stay? Hyunjin hesitantly takes another Pepero from the box, and Jisung wonders if he should do the same. He would have to walk up to you, and that would feel weird in the current atmosphere. Your phone chimes, breaking the tension hanging in the air.

“My mom’s here,” you announce. You quickly swing your backpack over your shoulder and gather your textbooks into your arms. “See you tomorrow, guys.”

“I’ll walk you to the parking lot,” Hyunjin says.

Jisung curses to himself for not saying it first as he untangles his fingers from his keyring. “I guess I’ll leave now, too,” he says too loudly and too late.

You’re already out the door with Hyunjin by your side. No last look, no suggestions to wait for him, nothing.

By the time Jisung catches up, you’re hurrying to a parked car, and Hyunjin is shouting, “Good night!” from a distance away. Jisung quietly swears and almost considers acquainting Hyunjin with his fist since there’s hardly anyone in the parking lot. One swift punch to his jaw would leave him with an ugly mark on his otherwise pretty face. He needs a way to get out the unrest he’s feeling, he reasons.

Instead, Jisung gets into his own car and aggressively honks at random cars on his way home. He imagines the steering wheel is Hyunjin’s jaw and that each angry honk he receives is Hyunjin’s screams of pain.

~ ad.gray

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hellstenglow · 4 years ago

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Fiveya Meta: they need to talk

Endure me, I am on a fiveya-train and my thoughts don’t shut up.

After watching the most recent behind the scene videos of TUA season 2 we can conclude that they did make senseless choices in the plot because in some cases they had to. For example in the case of the snow storm created by Harlan in the final episode, that was added to the script because suddenly there have been a snow storm on the outside set the days before the scheduled filming and they couldn’t clean the place enough, in time for the recording. The snow was added.

I also think they could have written some of the characters better and given them real development (*cough* Luther, Ben *cough*). I wasn’t even a fan of the whole “Vanya lost her memory” thing, but I’ve read that Steve Blackman (the showrunner) doesn’t want to diverge from the original content too much (which is a bit silly to say since they did make major changes since season 1, but okay). I guess that’s why Vanya’s amnesia was still there, although they treated it differently. In the comics it was Mom-Grace who helped Vanya to find herself again and her own value, in the show it was Sissy who did it. I thought it was kind of a hint to the comics the fact Sissy resembled Show-Grace a bit (blond, kind and a mom). Did I think it was unnecessary to have a love interest for Vanya right after season 1? I did, but I justified the choice by thinking that the show wanted to give Vanya a taste of what real love (not like Leonard’s manipulative and abusive love) is supposed to be. I also thought it was a way to show how Vanya needs to stop clinging to the first person who gives her affection, attention and treats her with kindness. I hope she’d realize that and work on herself and family in season 3, first and foremost.

Even with the evident flaws I enjoyed season 2, especially because I decided to treat it as a passing by (detour/digression) chapter in a longer story. All Hargreeves siblings in the ‘60s tried hard to make a new life and ignored their actual life (Allison, Luther, Klaus) or had a convenient amnesia (Vanya) or focused on something too much to lose track of what matters (Diego). Everyone except Ben (who was not treated once again as a full character despite the apparent level up the PR promoted) and Five (who once again was running around in panic mode to stop an apocalypse). Remember Vanya saying, “New timeline, new me.” And Five replying “That’s NOT how it works.”? I may give the writers more credits than it is due, but I hope those two lines were some kind of meta messages for the more attentive viewers. Those two lines can explain perfectly season 2 to be honest.

Nobody can know how long a tv show would run, a fact that expose us to uncertainty. It’s always a gamble trusting writers and showrunners to deliver a good story, but all it’s fair game and one has only to accept it. I do not trust any of them, but I cannot help myself and still hope that they will not ruin everything. With all this said, let’s talk about something I think the show has to tackle in next seasons: Five and Vanya are two points of a theme that needs to be addressed and solved. They need to interact, talk and close their open theme together.

This is not a cohesive meta and I probably will lose myself in too many details, but I hope the message I am trying to convey will arrive. This is only my reading of the show and theories, so you can disagree. I just hope you’d find something interesting and maybe help someone to have a different perspective on what’s going on and where (I pray) the show will go. Here the points I will talk about, if you are in for a very verbose essay, please click on the “keep reading” button. Meanwhile I’ll wear my tinfoil crown and sip some margarita.

Five and Vanya are a theme

It was mean to be Ben

Why the Fiveya’s tension in S2 EP 7’s iconic scene is a symptom of something

I dare to hope in fiveya (at least until proven wrong)

1. We have a theme: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the apocalypse

It’s a twisted joke of the universe that the very thing Five is obsessed about in season 1 (the apocalypse) was caused by the person he trusted the most (“I’ve decided you’re the only one I can trust” - Five in S1EP1). The red thread that linked Five and Vanya can’t be more evident, that’s one of the reasons why I started shipping them. The family’s dynamic, the siblings’ relationships and bonds are equally important, they add layers and motivations to the story, but if we strip everything else and look at the core, we all know Five and Vanya are at the centre of it.

It’s not a simple coincidence that Five said “I’m the four horsemen”. At first, it’s just a funny line, because Five is drunk and he described himself as those fearsome figures (because he is the best assassin of the whole world and time. Death incarnated in his humble opinion). You don’t take him seriously when he said that line, you don’t pay attention to it.

However, later it gains a certain degree of truth. Subtly the show tells you that indeed Five is linked deeply to the “apocalypse” (Vanya), as much as the four horsemen (they are the prelude and the bringers of the end) are linked to the apocalypse (in the biblical sense). He lived it. He was trapped there for 45 years. He is obsessed with it. The Apocalypse is his business.

Timid little Vanya is the first person he looked for in the middle of the doomsday’s ruins and arguably his closest friend. On the first day of his return Five only have meaningful talks with Vanya. Five sought her to confide the horror of his memories and share the burden of the truth. He trusted her above everyone else. Then the universe made a laughingstock of him when it was revealed that Vanya caused the Apocalypse. Five didn’t know he was running towards her, despite wanting to go back to his family (her) all his life.

In the first two episodes of season 1 they made clear that Vanya and Five had an intimate bond in their childhood and still cared for each other after so many years, then the show proceeded to separate them until the finale. They tried so hard to keep them far away from each other during season 1 and we all know everything would have been different if they had time to properly talk, process their situation and find a solution together. Of course, the show didn’t give them that chance, otherwise the show would have ended in episode 3 and goodbye drama!

They did not confront each other in the end of season 1, they let Allison take that role because the show built up their connection as sisters and I didn’t dislike the choice. Did it work thematically? No, Allison has no connection with the apocalypse. That’s Five’s business. He didn’t confront Vanya, he let others take the lead in the most crucial moment and with no surprise the apocalypse still happened.

The other apocalypse in season 2 was still connected to Vanya and again Five ignored the cosmic signals and focused on dead ends. Despite knowing perfectly that the butterfly effect can come from any source, he didn’t even think about Vanya’s being the cause of the apocalypse again. Five should have listened Klaus when he suggested that Vanya might have been the cause. Funny how Klaus told him in S1 that he has an addiction and Five aggressively denied it. Funny how saving his family and stopping the apocalypse are always his top priorities, but Five still deny himself (for a reason or another) the time to confront Vanya (the apocalypse).

We have a theme waiting to be resolved: Five wants to stop the apocalypse and Vanya is the cause of the apocalypse. If Five does not confront Vanya the theme will never have a closure. It’s still open right now. It is still there, waiting to be picked up again. There is no resolution.

2. Vanya and Ben’s goodbye

The scene between Vanya and Ben was one of my favourites from season 2 and after pondering for a while I concluded that it couldn’t have been anyone else but Ben the one who helped Vanya in that moment. My theory is that the show will walk backwards the breaking points of Vanya’s life: Ben’s death, Five’s leaving and Reginald’s abuse.

Vanya is not fixed. How could she when she was barely Vanya in this season? “New timeline, new me” she said, but that was just a convenient escapism mechanism. Years and years of mentally and emotionally abuse don’t disappear in one week. The Hargreeves have still a lot to process and resolve, individually and as family. That’s why I hope the show will progress the story in the right direction and actually work on them in season 3. Especially Vanya, who needs to confront her trauma. That’s why the scene with Ben in episode 9 was necessary.

From Vanya’s book:

[…] Our everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad had [...]-pped into treating us like experiments. Not as children, but like animals. And what happened to Ben was the last straw that finally shattered the illusion for the others …

Ben died long time ago and his death was the last straw that shattered the illusion (for the others) that their father cared about them (even in his own messed up way). Everything changed from that moment and each sibling drifted away from one another after that. Ben’s death was the moment Vanya and the rest of her siblings stopped being a family. The definitive step of Vanya’s alienation from her siblings.

There was no place in the group for her. With Five’s absence and Ben gone (he is a caring brother, with Klaus is like that and I can imagine him being kind to Vanya in their childhood too. Although, Ben is not Five and we have seen him being harsh to her in the flashbacks in S1EP10), Vanya was truly lost.

The tearful and important moment between Ben and Vanya was a reverse moment in my opinion. Vanya needed that from Ben, his death heavily influenced the course of her life (everyone’s life) and it was only fitting that Ben should have been the one helping her to start again. It’s symbolic in a sense, but also very factual.

“Sorry that I left without saying goodbye” – Five, S1 EP2

“At least this time I can say goodbye.” – Ben, S2 EP9

I’m using my fiveya-goggles, but we all thought that what Five said in S1EP2 (when Vanya tried to find him at Hargreeves’ mansion) wasn’t just about him leaving her apartment. It’s a very specific line that works on double levels: text and subtext. The subtext of course refers to the day he run out the house and time jumped. I highlighted these two lines from Five and Ben because I think they share the same theme: leaving her without saying goodbye.

Vanya wasn’t on mission with the team when Ben died, and I doubt she even saw his body (or whatever remains were left) when the Umbrella Academy returned. She didn’t even see his manifestation during the Icarus’ fight, too focused in her own power. The scene between them in Vanya’s mind gave both the opportunity to make amend of untold words and missed moments.

Ben is dead, he is the one he cannot return. His departure is permanent, there is nothing they can do about that. However, they can have a closure. Ben needed to be the one first patching to mend Vanya’s relationship with her family, to remind her that she does belong. This sort of second death (finally move on into the Light) has more meaning than the first one, this time Ben completed the mission. He saved someone he loved (he couldn’t stop Klaus from destroying his life with drugs and alcohol) and could trust his siblings to take care of the rest.

I still think Ben didn’t need to die-die, but in a sense it was time for him to move on into the light. He was afraid to go on, but if he could move on so his siblings. It is time for Vanya to move on her own trauma.

(Yeah, I know. I still have problem with the scene because they erased canon in a way and Ben could do a lot more as character. They erased the fact drugs stop their powers like in Klaus’ addiction and Vanya’s pills, so how Vanya was able to use them under LSD? I tried to explain that to myself by the fact “they needed to bs that canon fact in season 1 and ignored it”.

We can also argue that Ben could have prevented the apocalypse in 2019 by doing the same thing, but in their defence S1-Ben didn’t know he could possess a body. Yeah, how did he do that without Klaus’ power help? No idea, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Ahah. I just swam with the flow at that point and accepted it as it is. Call it the power of superpowered siblings’ love. I’ve seen worse plot holes in my life. I can live with this).

3. Pass me the knife, there is some tension here!

From Vanya’s book:

Though prone to arrogance and outbursts, even more than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidante in the years before he disappeared. It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave us, it would be him who [I fully?] […] who fully trusted me.

I said that Vanya’s walking backwards her life’s breaking points. So, after Ben’s death, she needs to address Five’s leaving. Five was her only confidante in the years before he disappeared, as she wrote in her book. Five was very important to young Vanya (and old Vanya needs to remember that) and I bet when he left, that was a scar never healed.

Vanya missed him and hoped for his return, for a while she kept the lights on in the house every night and prepared for him his favourite sandwich. When Five did come back Vanya couldn’t process that fact properly in season 1, all she could think of was that she didn’t want to lose him again. Five on the other hand decided that he would save everyone on his own and for that choice he made a bunch of tragic rookie mistakes.

Miscommunication is their kryptonite and right now Vanya and Five aren’t able to fully communicate at the same level. Reggie did such a good work at parenting that they’re so unfit to deal with their emotions and relationships, that will always be the root of their mistakes.

Same story in season 2, meanwhile Vanya is on the verge to provoke another apocalypse (although indirectly), as usual Five was too obsessed with his own plans and was not even aware of the situation. He knows nobody is insignificant when it’s about altering the timeline, but he always ends to focus on the wrong lead. The show again did incredible summersaults to avoid the two to interact properly and when they interacted things still didn’t work for a reason or another. She didn’t remember her past, he was not entirely sincere with her. She wanted to start anew (having a family with Sissy, easy-peasy), he is trapped again in a run against time to save his family. They are still not at the same page and for the show that is convenient. They still can play with their open theme (my point number 1 in this meta).

I don’t blame Five in S1 for thinking that if the worse happens, they would need to kill her. I think he was in a very delicate state of mind in that moment, he didn’t have time to process the fact Vanya (his favourite sibling and we all know she is his favourite) caused the end of the world. It was disappointing and cynical, but time was ticking fast, and he had been in his “maniacal-panic” mode for almost eight days. I also think he wouldn’t really kill her; he was the one who convinced the others that they needed to take her with them in the time jump. They need to “fix her” (aka help her to never feel alone in the universe and prove her we do love her) or they’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

Just to be clear I think if Five wasn’t one day from the end of the world and in a rush to stop Vanya, he would had had the same reaction as Old Man Five in S2. His 14-days younger version take it very well “Fair enough” he said and then proceeded to tell Luther how to save Vanya, no mention about killing her whatsoever. Old Man Five had time (10 days more than our current Five) and a direct clue on how to stop the apocalypse (thanks Luther). Nobody was going to kill Vanya.

“Vanya will always be the cause of the apocalypse, unless we fix her.” - Five S1EP10

“Vanya is the bomb. She will always be the bomb.” - Diego S2EP8

Vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb unless she heals. A fact that can be added to my number 1 point in this meta, there is an open theme and they need to tackle it. Five and Vanya need to confront each other and resolve it.

This takes me to S2 EP7: the iconic stare-power stand between Five and Vanya. THE TENSION was real, and you could cut it with a butter knife. The first time I screamed at my screen, I felt like Gordon Ramsay in one of those episodes of “Kitchen Nightmare US” when someone finally serves him good food.

Of course, the immediate reading of the scene is that Five needed Vanya to come along and Vanya didn’t want to go because at that point these Hargreeves are still strangers to her (amnesia is so convenient), Sissy and Harlan are the ones she knows and loves in that right moment.

They were still able to cut each other with sharp words and hostile glares though. Five let her have what she wanted, not because he feared her, but because as usual he cares more about her feelings than what he would ever admit. It’s the second time in S2 he let her go, his soft spot and favouritism for Vanya was showing once again! *fakes surprise*

I think the tension shown in this scene is a symptom that Vanya and Five are on the verge of something they will (they have to) confront soon or later. This is the subtext reading I came out with.

Even if you don’t look at it with shipper goggle, you feel there is something going on. They let the viewers feel there is a sensitive something whenever these two have an alone scene together. All their alone scenes have a specific grade of intimacy, they made it clear since the scene in front of Five’s portrait. They care for each other, they love each other (sibling love, platonic love, we-could-have-been-something love etc…) and it’s there. However, Five left and Vanya never truly recovered from that. They didn’t process that fact and I truly believe they can’t move on until they heal that scar.

Basically, S2 EP7 Fiveya’s scene = We have to talk, but this is not the moment because the show is only on its second season! THIS TENSION IS HERE FOR A REASON.

4. Hope is the last thing to die

I shouldn’t trust a show, I’ve been disappointed so many times in the past years and showrunners of popular shows tend to be unoriginal and cowards. However, I am an optimist at heart and until season 3 I dare to hope anyway. If proven wrong, there are always fanfictions who can do better job than canon.

If all was lost they could have eliminated Alluther too from the universe because of certain fans screaming “harcest is incest you weirdos”, but Allison and Luther’s situation still exist and still work on the parameter “will they or not”? I imagine for their shippers it was annoying to have such a regression in season 2, but they didn’t destroy it and they still gave them scenes.

Fiveya had even a more subtle situation than Alluther but they’ve been granted the same level of intimate interaction whenever they have an alone scene together. Until Five (the character) will gain an older body (which he can) the whole thing is suspended. However, I think they wouldn’t have been open about the possibility of Five changing back to an older body and spoke about in season 1 if they didn’t have an idea for that.

I brushed off the line Five said to Old Man Five about being forever trapped in his 13-years-old body. It’s canon that there is a way to gain an adult body for Five, the Commission has the technology and even if it’s not the Commission they can mambo-jambo the thing in a way or another. That would never work. The actor is a growing up teenager and from season 1 to season 2 he has already changed. I imagined he will change even more before season 3 will ever start recording (maybe very late due the COVID-19 situation).

Aidan is a fan favourite and I am one of those who can’t see anyone else playing Five, with this said there are still ways for the show to give us fiveya. Young fiveya flashbacks will be always an option to explore the idea of “they had a crush on each other when they were young” and make other viewers understand that it wasn’t all “sibling” love between them. Endgame in a distant season can always have an epilogue with an adult Five (another actor I mean) having a very non-platonic (let adult Fivey kiss please) moment with Vanya, meanwhile building up the longest slow-burn (kinda, deep down I believe those feelings for each other are there) of the century.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe my tinfoil crow is too tight, and my brain doesn’t breathe. Maybe the show will succumb to easy paths and angry bullies. I don’t know, but until proven wrong I dare to hope.

PS: This is a monster of a meta and it probably doesn’t make sense? I hope someone will get what I’ve tried to say. I hope you survive, brave readers. Here a glass of margarita for you. I’d love to hear what you think

#fiveya #five x vanya #vanya x five #my meta

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seeaddywrite · 5 years ago

Text

vampire au ficlet #1:

see this post for an explanation. this one was supposed to be domestic, & i think it still fits the bill? but as usual, some angst, h/c, & non sexual intimacy snuck in there while i wasn’t looking. ficlet is set post main ‘verse, assume Jesse has been taken care of, Malex got together & Michael moved in with Alex. (in the cabin, because i’m sorry, WHEN were we given any indication he had a house last season??) warnings for blood, mentions of blood drinking, & the usual vamp fic stuff. not beta-d or even proofread because i am a mess.

Cohabitation doesn’t come easily, despite their best intentions. Both men have been alone for too long for that – Alex has built a routine for himself, one he’s dependent on for both his mental and physical health, and including another person in that routine can’t happen overnight. For the first week, Alex doesn’t bother. He sleeps late instead of obeying his dawn alarm, tangled up with Michael in the bed that’s felt too big since he bought it, but now is comfortable and warm. He eats when Michael does, giving up on the rigid three meals a day he’s forced himself to follow, and escapes to the basement to gulp down a bag of blood here and there, when it becomes absolutely necessary. Instead of stretches or yoga, Alex lets Michael drag him back to bed and pull him out of his head in other, more interesting ways, and he pointedly ignores the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he can’t keep it up.

It works ... until it doesn’t.

Two weeks after Michael moves in, Alex wakes up screaming. When his eyes open, there’s a tell-tale crimson tinge to his vision and a lingering burning in his neck, his sire’s fangs emblazoned in his mind’s eye.

His first thought is that Michael is too fucking close, too sticky against him, too overwhelming. Alex rolls away as quickly as he can, trying to calm his racing heartbeat and slow his rapid breathing. He hates the affect nightmares have on him; even when he barely remembers them, they ruin everything for hours afterward.

“You okay?” Michael asks, voice rough with sleep as he gropes for the lamp on the bedside table. A hand lands on the sweat-soaked expanse of Alex’s bare back, and he flinches away before he can stifle the instinct. He hates being touched so soon after a nightmare; he’s thrown more than one guy out of bed after a one-night stand for less. But this is Michael, Alex hasn’t made any effort to explain his boundaries. So he forces himself to turn over and give his boyfriend what he hopes is an apologetic look before pushing himself up and beginning the laborious task of untangling himself from the blankets he’d twisted in the throes of a nightmare.

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep,” he tells Michael, lisping a bit around his fangs. They’re still biting into his lower lip, and he knows he hasn’t quite managed to regulate his breathing, but he can’t help but hope Michael will just let it go -- let Alex go, until he can pull himself back together.

But the mattress shifts under Michael’s weight, and Alex can tell he’s getting up without looking at him. “Bullshit,” comes the flat reply. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m not going to make you.” Alex’s enhanced hearing picks up every sound as Michael gets out of bed and slides into the discarded pair of jeans he’d dumped on the bedroom floor before they went to sleep. In another minute, he’s walking around the bed to stand in front of Alex, shirtless and rumpled, Alex’s crutch held out in one hand.

Alex takes it with fingers that tremble, and he swallows, trying to figure out what to do next. This could easily turn into a fight; he knows, intuitively, that any move he makes to distance himself from Michael will be taken personally. Alex isn’t the only one with emotional baggage in this relationship -- Michael’s been pushed away and abandoned more times than anyone should be in a single lifetime, and until recently, Alex has only added to that list. If Alex isn’t careful, he’s going to rile up all of those negative emotions all over again, and he doesn’t think he can stand a fight right now. But the longer he thinks, the longer he’s silent, the more obvious the distance between them becomes, and Alex struggles to keep thinking logically.

“Michael,” he says desperately, but Guerin is already moving toward the door. Panic starts to creep into his thoughts, scattering them into a spiral of He’s walking away, and What if he doesn’t come back this time? And Why can’t I ever just tell him I want him to stay? The crutch is still in his hand, and Alex could pull himself up and follow Michael if he chose -- but what would he say? Getting into an explanation of all the things he doesn’t want after a nightmare is too heavy, too much, right now, and he doesn’t want Michael to feel guilty for offering comfort. So he stays, frozen in indecision at the edge of the bed, until Michael reappears in the doorway, two cups in his hands.

Alex takes the cup offered him without thinking, staring at the calm expression on Michael’s face and trying to read the intention behind it. He doesn’t seem upset, and he came back, but he left. Why would he do that if he wasn’t upset? Alex drops his crutch back against the wall to rub at his eyes, brain foggy and slow now that the immediate panic has passed. After another moment of silence, he scoots to one side, hoping Michael will take the hint and rejoin him.

Thankfully, he does, and Alex’s side warms quickly when pressed against Michael’s bare skin.

The acrid scent of acetone burns his nose as soon as Michael is close, and Alex makes a face. He glances into his own -- not because he’s worried that Michael put the stuff in his glass, too, but because he’d assumed the cups held cocoa or tea for both of them. He blanches when he realizes that he’s holding the poured-out contents of a blood bag in his hands, and shoots a sidelong look at Michael, once again doing his best to parse what the other man might be thinking based on his posture and facial expression. The relaxed slouch and placid look don’t give him much to go on, though.

“You always have nightmares when you only eat food during the day,” Michael says finally, brows drawn as he looks at Alex. “It’s never been this bad before -- usually, you calm down when I start talking to you. But it always happens.”

Alex blinks in surprise. “I -- do?” He’s never noticed that correlation, but if he trusts Michael -- which he does -- then he’s been having nightmares without remembering them fairly regularly for the past few weeks. Putting the puzzle together would have been impossible if he was missing one of the pieces. Even as it bothers him, the knowledge that Michael notices these things, spends enough time watching and thinking of him to put it together, banishes the last, lingering cold from his nightmare.

Michael nods. “Yeah.” He looks away for a moment, taking a long sip of acetone, then drags his gaze back to Alex’s face. “Is there a reason you’re not drinking blood? When we talked about it in the desert, you said you had a schedule or something, but you’ve been sneaking down to the basement when I’m not looking, like a guilty kid trying to steal his parents’ booze.”

It’s a pretty accurate description of the way he’s been acting, Alex supposes, even if it stings his pride. He huffs, then shrugs. “It’s hard,” he admits eventually, swirling the blood in his cup and watching it move rather than look at Michael. “Since I’ve been back, I had to build a life for myself, you know? I had to figure out how to make it work when I didn’t have anyone. Otherwise I didn’t get out of bed.” Aware that he sounds pathetic, Alex shrugs again and forces himself to look at Michael, who’s expression has gone soft with understanding. “And until you found out, the blood -- all of this --” he gestures vaguely toward his face, which still isn’t quite human. “It was the most shameful secret I had. I was so careful to hide it, to pretend that I was normal. So now-”

“You still feel like you have to hide,” Michael finishes for him, his frown deepening.

Alex clutches the mug in his hands a little bit tighter, careful of his strength -- it had only taken two shattered glasses to learn that lessons, early on in his tenure as a vampire. “It’s habit,” he answers. “It’s not you. I just need to figure out how to live with someone who knows everything and isn’t freaked out.” He tips his head to one side, smiling slightly. “Drinking nail polish remover is still a step down from blood.”

With a huff and a roll of his eyes, Michael takes another pointed sip. “Man, alien from space beats vampire in the freak department any day,” he retorts, knocking his shoulder gently against Alex’s. The teasing dies away, then, and Michael slowly drapes an arm around Alex’s shoulder, tugging him toward his chest. Alex goes willingly, the desire for distance long gone, and lets himself be maneuvered into sitting between Michael’s spread legs, back to chest against the headboard.

“So,” Michael says, his voice rumbling pleasantly through his chest and into Alex’s back. “Are you going to drink that, or are we going to do all this again in a few hours?” His own mug is empty, discarded on the bedside table.

But Alex’s cup is still full in his hand, and he can’t really argue with Michael’s point. Plus, he hasn’t looked human for the last half an hour; if Michael was going to be disgusted, it would have happened already -- probably two weeks ago, when Alex was fang-deep in his carotid artery in the middle of the desert with no self-control. There’s no reason to be uncomfortable drinking bagged blood from a glass in front of him at this point.

And yet ...

“C’mon, Alex,” Michael murmurs, apparently reading Alex’s mind -- or maybe just noticing the tension in his body from where they are pressed so close together. “I love you, remember? And it’s just you and me here.” A calloused, warm hand cups Alex’s where it’s wrapped around ceramic, guiding the cup toward his mouth. Alex lets Michael lead, though something tells him he should be embarrassed by such a display. That’s a thought for later -- much later, when the scent of blood hasn’t turned his stomach into a hollow, aching pit, and Michael hasn’t blown through his every defense and made him forget that he’s supposed to be uncomfortable with such strange intimacy.

The cool edge of the cup touches his lips, and Alex is the one to tip the contents down his throat. Liquid energy flows through him, sizzling along his veins and nerves and easing an ache to which he’d grown so accustomed that it barely registered anymore. It’s not as good as blood from Michael’s veins, but since Alex has promised himself -- and Michael -- that he won’t bite him again, this is the next best thing. Drinking with Michael’s arms around him, an anchor in the sea of sensation, a reminder that he’s no longer alone in this . . . it’s everything a younger, lonelier Alex had wished for after the accident in Iraq, and he hopes he’ll never start to take it for granted.

An invisible hand lifts the empty mug and deposits it somewhere in the room; Alex’s head is lolling bonelessly against Michael’s chest, and he can’t be bothered to lift it to find out where. Gentle fingers comb through his hair, and a haze of contentment takes over, chasing away the last of Alex’s more monstrous features. His face relaxes after the transformation, and he lets his eyelids drift closed. “Thank you,” he murmurs, knowing Michael will hear it. “I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

“Thank me by giving up hiding in the basement,” Michael suggests, his voice as gentle as the fingers still moving in Alex’s hair.

It’s not hard for Alex to agree to that. He nods easily, then turns his head to tuck his face into Michael’s shoulder. “We should probably talk about the nightmares, tomorrow,” he says, the words muffled by skin. “And -- some other stuff.” His routine. Boundaries. Michael’s hatred of letting Alex know where he’s going and when he’ll be back, and the anxiety it causes when he doesn’t. The messes on the bathroom floor that make navigating the small space hard for Alex, especially in the morning. Whatever problems Michael’s run into in the last two weeks; Alex knows there are bound to be some. He’s not the easiest person to live with, either.

Those problems don’t seem nearly as insurmountable as they had earlier in the evening, though. Alex doesn’t know if it’s because he’s finally fed or because Michael has proven yet again that he’s not going anywhere, but he’s optimistic for their future together for the first time. Vampire, alien -- those words don’t matter. Here, in their bed, neither of them are anything but men wanting to be loved.

That’s enough to carry them through.

#vampire au #bitch i'm a monster #my fic #corona stay-cation ficlets

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