#last year at this time my mom had just had an organ transplant and it was very touch and go. very scary

[floral-hex]

Thinking about this time last year when life was rough. mom was sick. had a breakdown at the hospital and walked around the parking garage for an hour thinking about throwing myself off.

Today was good. slept in. Chinese food with the family. Everyone is happy. Probably the happiest birthday I’ve had in years. Thankful for medication. Thankful for my family. for my new kitten and for noodles and pistachio pudding and coffee. going to see Sonic 3 in an hour. Nosferatu in the morning.

Despite everything, happy to be alive.

[ms-demeanor]

Due to some stuff brought up in recent posts I believe it is time to once again extol the virtues of Ms-Demeanor's Patented Where Did I Put That Fucking Paper Organizational Binder.

Hello! I am a disorganized adult! This is the system by which I manage my important shit like pink slips for my car and medical records and tax information.

You're going to need:

A 3-Ring Binder

Transparent Sheet Protectors

Notebook dividers (optional but VERY useful)

A backpack (optional)

So the way this system works is you put the sheet protectors into the binder. You can either use the dividers to divide the binder into sections or you can label some of the sheet protectors to make different sections but what you are generally going to do is make sections of the binder labeled things like "taxes" or "vet" or "doctor" and put a few sheet protectors in each section.

Then all of your papers with important information get crammed in that folder. You don't organize them, you don't sort them by date, you don't alphabetize. You put things vaguely relating to taxes into the sheet protectors in the taxes section. You put things relating to cars in the cars section. You don't even attempt to make this readable - you're not using sheet protectors so that you can read each page and keep it legible, you're using sheet protectors because it's a cheap plastic bag that will sit nicely in a binder.

You CAN put stuff into the individual sheet protectors when you get it, but let's be realistic you probably WON'T do that, so just tuck individual papers into the front of the binder until you get to a critical mass of paperwork then take an hour to sit down and sort into categories and put it in the binder once every six months to three years (depending on how frequently you get paperwork). Sometimes these sections will outgrow their original allotted space - since my spouse had a transplant surgery the medical section has had to become its own folder - and that's okay. If you end up with multiple folders just keep them together (this is why the backpack is an option, and one I strongly recommend).

Because yeah, if my organization system relies on opening up a drawer and putting something where it belongs as soon as I get the paper, I will simply not be organized. It's not going to happen. But I can handle a messy stack of paper that sits in one place and grows until it is time to shove it into a binder. I can't organize things for thirty seconds a day every day but I can organize things for an hour once every year or so (maybe two hours every five years when I sort out stuff I don't need like copies of warranties for parts on a car I don't own anymore).

When my mom died she had about fifty pounds of paper files in her office that were neatly organized in a system that didn't make any sense to my dad, my sister, and I. I ended up sorting through those files for twenty hours, tossing out copies of paid invoices from ten years ago and student handbooks from my junior high school. I reduced one filing cabinet, two desk file drawers, and a foot-high stack to a six inch binder that I gave to my dad. My mom died five years ago; two months ago my dad asked me about a medical document and I was able to tell him to go look for it in the medical section of the binder. It was there, because ALL IMPORTANT SHIT GOES IN THE BINDER.

Where is my birth certificate? In the binder. Where is my tax return from 2017? In the binder. Where is the record of my dog's last rabies shot? In the binder. Where are the records for my life insurance? In the binder.

A lot of what people consider "being organized" breaks down to whether or not you can find the specific things that you're looking for. Does my binder look nice? Is it aesthetic? Does it have color-coded tabs and papers all laid out neatly? Absolutely fucking not. But if you ask me where to find a paper I know that I can do so within about five minutes of shuffling through the pile of letter-folded sheets that I pulled out of the appropriate section of the binder.

I've discussed the Where Did I Put that Fucking Paper Binder before, but now it is time to expand that concept to the Backpack of Important Shit.

You likely have Important Shit that does not fit in a binder. Some of my Important Shit that does not fit in a binder is stuff like jewelry and the spare key for my car. Other stuff - the reason I decided to bring this up at all - includes my backup hard drive and packaging (including product key codes) for pretty much all of the software that I own. This is also where I store printed out copies of the recovery codes for most of the online accounts that I have.

There's a lot of weird fiddly shit that we have to have that we might not access all that often. This is the kind of stuff that might end up in junk drawers or under sinks or in disused laptop bags or kicking around under a bunch of papers in a desk drawer.

It doesn't matter so much when that weird fiddly shit is a set of hex keys or a utility knife or a protractor or a copy of a student handbook but it DOES matter when it's something that you might need to put your hands on in a hurry. If your computer crashes, you're not going to want to track down the software in the back of a filing cabinet and the backup drive from somewhere in the bowels of your desk. If you lock your keys in your car you are not going to want to figure out if your spare is in a junk drawer or the old purse where you keep semi-important stuff or the tin on your desk that has buttons and pins and headphone covers. Just put it in the Backpack of Important Shit and when you need it you know where to look.

So anyway, if you are a person who is a minor disaster who has trouble finding important things when you need them please don't think that you have to get your life together and have a nice organized filing cabinet or clear plastic bins full of documents or a neatly divided storage closet where everything from board games to backup drives has its own neatly labeled place. Just assign ONE LOCATION for important shit and start putting the important shit there. It doesn't matter if you have a filing cabinet where you keep old copies of homework and printouts of online orders and family history records - you do not need to keep everything that is file-able in one place and depending on what level of catastrophe you are it might be detrimental to you if you try to do that. It doesn't matter if you have a jewelry box where you keep your collection of gauges and wrist cuffs; if you are going to stress out about where grandma's ring is when you're digging through your collection of cheap earrings and silver pendants then *do not keep grandma's ring or any other Important, Vital, Cannot Be Lost jewelry in with your day-to-day wear*.

I live someplace that has fires. My binder got upgraded to my Backpack of Important Shit when the fires were getting uncomfortably close to the house I was living in and I wanted to have one bag to grab if we had to get out fast. Once I did that, I never took the binder out of the backpack and the backpack has now made three moves with me and has meant that I've had my birth certificate handy when I needed it in the middle of a move between two states, I was able to provide a history of my cholesterol panel going back six years to a visiting nurse, and I was able to give the exact names and contact info of my spouse's previous surgeon to the hospital when I had unexpectedly moved to a new state with three bags and my work computer at the beginning of the pandemic.

Get yourself a backpack of important shit and a folder of where the fuck did i put that paper. It is so much easier to search a backpack for important shit than to go through an entire house and it is so much easier to flip through a binder than it is to dig through a filing cabinet.

Anyway good luck and happy adulting.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

I'M OFFICIALLY OLD & I DON'T LIKE IT

@albrechtstarkarm

@elderberriesandarsenic @bitter1stuff

@gifsbysimplysonia

@allhailthe70shousewife

The abundance of technology and lack of humanity causes a longing for the past makes me feel like a fucking Luddite!

(Continue to read for Gen X bitching)

For the last couple of years, I have not been able to see that well through my current classes prescription. Every time that I would come close to getting a new prescription, I would face another eye surgery.

After the Corneal transplant, my surgeon refused to give me another prescription until a year had passed. Because, he said my eyes were changing too rapidly. In the meantime, I cannot see with this prescription at all. I only live about 7 blocks from my school and yet driving there every morning is. Terrifying, because I cannot see well enough. Every time I would go back for a checkup. I would beg the surgeon for refraction. Finally, the last time I wore the surgeon down and he said while he would not provide it. I was welcome to go to one of those cheap eyeglass places and get a temporary pair.

The place where I live does not have one of those places.

And it takes an act of God to get hubby to take me anywhere. So we waited until we were taking a trip to sea his mom, my MiL, four hrs away during Spring Break. And in an unfathomable display of generosity, he offered to take me on the way back to get my glasses.

We stop in Odessa and as luck would have it, there was a Stanton. Optical across the street from our hotel.

I go in and am given an iPad where apparently I have to write down my entire medical history by answering questions in a font so smallI cannot see it because my glasses are crappy.

It blew my mind that a place that people go to because they can't see was making people fill out their own paperwork on. Technology that was so small.

After playing around with it and having my information LIST 3 TIMES &HAVING TO START OVER, I figured out that I could adjust the font size---- but no one told me this.

In the end I had to just hand it over to my husband and have him fill it out!! All of this would have been completely avoided if they had an option for paper. RED FLAG #1

Because I didn't have an appointment. I waited about an hrs & a half. As people were going ahead of me, I am noticing the very young attendant that is taking them into the exam room is asking every single person the exact same saying set of questions quite robotically.

RED FLAG #2

Finally is my turn and as soon as I walk into the exam room red flags are going off AGAIN because nothing in that room looks like what you would need for a glasses refraction.

RED FLAG #3

As someone who has had to go to an ophthalmologist three times a year since the age of 5 ,I know these things.

So the girl who starts bounding off her questions. Did I want glasses or contacts?

How many hours did I spend in one of the computer?

I told her 5.

About 30 seconds later she says "Okay. So you say you spend about 10 hours in front of the computer?"

RED FLAG #4

I didn't bother to correct her and then she starts telling me about all the different type of lenses they have, so I ask her how much those lenses would cost and she tells me that she doesn't know. But after I get my prescription, I can discuss that with people up front.

So you only have one job --that you do with as much passion as an android and you know nothing about the other parts of your organization?

RED FLAG #5

She then tells me she needs to take a measurement of my eye, which I would understand for contacts but i'm getting glasses and i'm not sure she understood me when I told her this the first time.

So she tells me to look into this machine, which I've looked into many, many times and each time that I have. They have put the picture in focus for me.. This time the picture state blurry

The girl then announces that the machine could only take a measurements of NORMAL eyes and since I'd had so many surgeries & eyetrauma, it could not take a measurement of mine. And I would have to be referred to a doctor.

I'm thinking okay......... well where is he?

"Oh, there is no Doctor actually here because we don't do actual glasses examinations, we just do virtual glasses ambinations.

WTF IS A VIRTUAL EXAM???

Anyway, that's when I left.

[psych---ologically-deranged]

The second ever episode I see with Woody in it has Shawn bribe Woody with slippers. They were so close & chill & calling each other nicely gelled & stuff, so I thought the first time that I'd seen it that they had been close & had conversations for years. I love them.

Wait hasn't shawn been trying to get gus to ride his motorcycle with him for ages & never managed it & that's why he has an extra helmet or was that like a fanfiction or smth?

& see? in this episode too, shawn puts his hand over Gus's head when Gus helps the recap! This is why I thought that Gus was also supposed to have fake psychic powers or be involved in Shawn's visions more than he is most episodes.

But it's totally a valid topic of conversation to ask how long you want to wait before eating someone. I've had that conversation with my mom,older brother, & two other members of our teen choir in church.

Carlton Lassiter: Believe it or not, I'm with Spencer on this one. I would eat the three of you in the following order: O'Hara, Guster, then Spencer. I've also made a list of whose organs I'd prefer if I need a transplant.

Now this is the weird one that is worse to say out loud than the others.

CL: And I've planned for the contingency where I'm the last man on earth and I need to choose one person from the department with whom to procreate. Don't worry. None of you made the list. (Implying that he considers shawn & gus to be part of the department & also thinks he can procreate with men. Unless shawn & gus didn't make the list specifically because they are men* & not part of the department, but then O'Hara should have made the list, she'd just be way down on it. Just a thought. Oh also according to twitter official psyh account lassie is pansexual.)

[regardstosoulandromance]

review: the getaway list by emma lord

I’ll read anything Emma Lord writes. Her books are fun and charming, full of heart with just the right balance of humor and genuine enthusiasm for the world. Anytime I pick up a new one of her books, I know it will be a fun time, and The Getaway List was no exception. 

To my west coaster self, New York City is a fantasy land that only exists in Nora Ephron movies and novels by Meg Cabot and Emma Lord. To these writers, the city feels like a character itself, a setting so integral to the plot that trying to transplant the story anywhere else would make it fall flat. Emma Lord describes her most recent novel as not just a love letter to New York, “but my aggressively caps locked, mildly unhinged love scream to New York.”

The day of her high school graduation, Riley realizes two things: One, that she has spent the last four years trying so hard to be a Good Kid for her mom that she has no idea who she really is anymore, and two, she has no idea what she wants because of it. The solution? Pack her bags and move to New York for the summer, where her childhood best friend Tom and co-creator of The Getaway List ― a list of all the adventures they’ve wanted to do together since he moved away ― will hopefully help her get in touch with her old adventurous self, and pave the road to a new future.

Riley isn’t sure what to expect from Tom, who has been distant since his famous mom’s scriptwriting career pulled him away. But when Riley arrives in the city, their reconnection is as effortless as it was when they were young―except with one, unexpected complication that will pull Riley’s feelings in a direction she didn’t know they could take. As she, Tom, and their newfound friends work their way through the delightfully chaotic items on The Getaway List, Riley learns that sometimes the biggest adventure is not one you take, but one you feel in your heart.

Riley and Tom’s relationship is the heart of the story. Best friends as children, they come up with the Getaway List as a sort of bucket list of goals. After being separated for years, they fall back together and rediscover their friendship through their list as they explore NYC together. While Riley’s mom is convinced that they rile each other up too much and are nothing but trouble, there’s a clear sense that these characters care for each other, even when they’re trying to be goofy. 

Tom’s frown only deepens. “Your knee is bleeding.”  “It’s okay,” I say, sitting up, “I’ve got another one.”

One of the major conflicts of the novel is Riley’s relationship with her mother. Up until the events of The Getaway List, Riley and her mom had a close relationship, especially since her mother was a single mom. But Riley’s mom not only opposes Riley going to New York, but Riley realizes that the reason she hasn’t been able to cubist Tom for years is because her mother is trying to keep them apart. Mother/daughter relationships are a recurring theme in Emma Lord’s books and I liked how it was done here. 

Another thing I greatly enjoyed in The Getaway List was the side characters. Each character added color to the story, all unique and memorable from aspiring writer Luca to coder Mariella to band member/swiftie Jesse. Despite the full cast of characters, they were introduced organically and fully fleshed out. 

The only thing that kept this book at a four star instead of five, for me, was that it uses the childhood friends to lovers trope. This is entirely a personal preference, I rarely enjoy friends to lovers and almost never enjoy childhood friends to lovers. But it was well done in The Getaway List, the build up of Riley and Tom’s relationship on the page and their eventual romance was sweet. 

Maybe New York felt like the place to run to, but really, that somewhere was in me this entire time. 

The Getaway List was a delightful romp through New York City. Although marketed as Young Adult, it straddles the line between YA and New Adult well, featuring teenage characters coming into their own. I greatly enjoyed it. 

[lifeafteratransplant]

Health Anxiety & Trying to Get Into a Routine

Life, is hard. No doubt about it, and having a crazy, stressful schedule is not making it any easier, obviously.

No I don't have kids, but I have a husband, two animals, and myself. Lab/blood draw appointments every Monday, grocery shopping, taking my photography classes, taking my dog to vet for whatever reason, taking him to the groomers, making sure I visit with my mom, and talk to my family back in Iowa, it all comes down on me, and yeah it might not seem as hard as raising a kid, but it is hard for me.

I am double organ transplant recipatant. Which means that I have health anxiety through the roof sometimes. I have to check my blood levels every week just tp make sure I am ok. I hope that it isn't like that forever but I have been through 3 rejections in the 2 years since I had my transplant. Every time was terrifying. This last time was the scariest thought, cause it wasn't just my pancreas it was my kidney too. The thought of loosing my kidney made me sob, and my heart jump out of my chest. My pancreas has been touchy since the get-go. If I loose that I would become diabetic again, which I can handle. Loosing my kidney would me I would have to go back on dialysis and for me that isn't an option. They have used the strongest rejection drugs on me as the possibly can, 3 times now. Meaning that I cannot take them again. Imagine that in the back of your head 24/7, not fun.

This anxiety that I carry makes it hard to make plans, be in public, affects relationships, and causes deep depression and loneliness. I live in a state where this not a lot to do. With my multiple rejections, I haven't been able to hold a job, So basically I am a stay home wife, and that is not something I thought I would ever be. I'm not saying that is bad by any means, but I NEED to have a job to feel like I am contributing to society some how. It becomes very lonely and I fall into a state of depression where it is hard to get out of sometimes.

That is where the second half of the title of this blog post comes in. Trying to have a routine is so important. You have better sleep, which helps your mood, and you energy levels, which helps you get done that shit that needs to get done. I wake up about 8:30-9 every morning, and as of recently try to have breakfast. Whether it be a smoothie, toast and fruit, eggs and bacon. Something in my stomach always helps. Also I take a lot of meds so that is important to have food in your system when taking those. From there, I usually get on the computer check my emails, scroll Facebook, and then look at what I need to do around the house. I am ALWAYS cleaning it seems, I have two pets, both who shed like crazzzzy! Vacuuming every day or every other day is a must, and moping at least once a week. I cooke a lot so constantly loading and unloading the dishwasher, and cleaning the stove and counter tops. The list goes on. After the cleaning is done, I watch my photography courses, do some laundry, make myself lunch, and as of recently I had to put together a whole list of documents for my husband's immigration lawyer so he can get his 10 year green card. Some days I run into town to run errands, like doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, pick up medications, and as of recently furniture shopping. (I'll explain that in another post) I find that just having a list of things to do and crossing them off really helps me.

Everyone's life is different, so that means every routine will look different. Don't model your life after someone else's, you do what works best for you and your schedule. Know your limits, take the time to rest and take care of yourself and life will start to get, maybe not easier, but let's say peaceful. Find solitude and happiness in the little things, and don't take yourself so seriously. Always take care of YOU first, then you can give your best self to the ones you love.

Much love,

Karli

[booitislife]

Maybe I only post when things are bad?

Maybe this is my own personal therapy? Okay.

I only have one parent that is living. Did I every tell you that? My dad died when I was 18. He died in his sleep. There wasn’t an autopsy. My mom said it was sleep apnea. (They weren’t together when he died - they hadn’t been since I was about 9.)

Now she is in the hospital. She has been multiple times over the last year. My mom has a genetic disorder - Fabrys disease. Somehow it missed me, but my sister and my brother have it.

Favrys disease causes fatty tissue to build up about organs. My mom had already had a kidney transplant. She has a pacemaker because her heart has been effected. Now? Her arteries in her legs are effected. She has has several surgeries to repair blockages in her legs. Today? Today it didn’t matter. She was rushed into surgery to have one of her legs amputated.

I am in shock. I am tired. I am scared. I am begging to fall asleep so I can wake up and hear more news. The last news was that she came out of the amputation surgery alright. I hope I can go see her tomorrow.

She doesn’t deserve this. No one deserves this. I am so angry. I am SO ANGRY. She is kind and wonderful. She doesn’t deserve this.

Are we in hell? Sometimes, I think - I believe - we have to be in hell. Because life is so fucking painful. It’s so painful.

I took some Ativan and some Benadryl. I just want to sleep.

Fuck.

[chris-sales-belly-ring]

As if I didn’t have enough on my plate, my mom just told me that she has Stage 5 kidney disease. It means her kidneys are failing and the damage is permanent.

She’ll likely need dialysis or a kidney transplant. I can’t give her a kidney since I’m diabetic. My sister can’t donate hers because she had breast cancer. I wouldn’t trust my brothers’ internal organs at all because they both have substance abuse issues.

I knew her health was bad, but I didn’t realize it was this bad. I’m researching her prognosis and it’s depressing. I’m scared.

My relationship with my mom has become complicated over the last few years. We were always close like best friends growing up. Things changed after she stopped taking some of her medications and after she had a stroke a few years ago. Her personality changed and she has said and done some truly awful things.

Things have gotten better. We just got massages together yesterday. We watch TV together more, etc. I feel like I have my old mom back most of the time now. I love her and I’m scared. I don’t know how much time she has left. The thought of losing her truly breaks my heart. Even though I’m an adult, I still feel like I need my mom. I don’t want to live without her. 😢

[theoldhempfarmer]

“THCa - Tennessee.”

Dateline 6-21-23

It’s the first day of Summer and once again it’s a beautiful rather cool morning here in Middle Tennessee. The Old Hemp Farmer continues to enjoy this streak of just great weather but with some trepidation because for each cool Summer day there will a couple days of scorching heat, for some reason there seems to be some sort of Cosmic Equilibrium but right now I’ll take the trade-off. This morning’s iced organic Indonesian and half bar of Cacao infused with some vintage Tennessee homegrown Hemp Extract is sublime and it's going down easy. Because of the great weather everything is green and producing well. I do believe that Lee and Stacey Crabtree harvested a bumper crop of Strawberries and are starting to get tomatoes. Also because of the cooler and wetter conditions the Corn looks great while the Kale continues to look great and produce well. The dozen or so Tennessee Vol “Moms” that Lee transplanted into the field have developed their root systems well enough to look quite robust after a Winter indoors. Soon we will get the Tennessee Vol clones in the field as well. This year Tennessee homegrown will grow less than a 100 Females of our compliant house cultivar Tennessee Vol (aka Readyville God Bud) but it should be more than enough to fill our smokeable flower needs. The first year of Tennessee homegrown (2016) we grew hundreds of plants on three acres growing as much as possible but the days of growing as much flower as possible on speculation are gone. Speaking of flower, much of my recent discussions with Tennessee Cannabis producers and Cannabis retailers has been “What’s going on with THCa Flower?”

What is going with THCa flower in Tennessee, indeed? Lee Crabtree and I study Federal and Tennessee Cannabis regulations quite attentively because its sort of our job and we don’t have a clue of how to interpret HB0403 in regards to THCa flower. Seriously, we don’t have a clue. The main reason we’ve had a hard time interpreting the fine print of HB0403 is how are the Tennessee Department of Agriculture going to conduct their testing, will or won’t they decarboxylate samples for testing? If they “decarb” Cannabis THCa flower before testing, most of the product on the shelves at most Cannabis themed stores would be illegal. If they don’t decarb before testing, theoretically for the majority of THCa Flower market, it would be business as usual. In less than 10 days (July 1st), the first part of HB0403 will start to be implemented and several stores are scrambling to get products in their new display cases and Art Directed by the deadline. Since Tennessee homegrown doesn’t have any Brick & Mortar stores we don’t have to worry about having product behind glass. We are, however, going to have start charging Excise Tax on our Online D8/D9 Retail sales which will be more paperwork (oh joy). Yours truly isn’t sure that June 30th will be that different than July 1st because Cannabis rules and regulations usually takes a little time (sometimes it takes months) to be implemented. What the Tennessee Legislators envisioned their Hemp Derived Cannabis law to be, will soon come smack up against the reality of implementation. As I have written before, there are Cannabis laws as they are written and then there are Cannabis laws as they are implemented, rarely are they the same. No matter how HB0403 shakes out, it will be interesting to see the fate of THCa. For the last couple years in Tennessee, “marijuana lite” has been openly sold, will it continue? Anyway as always, Hemp Dawgs and Hemp Puppies keep one eye on the weather and the other eye on the market.

Visit our Tennessee Homegrown web site to try our great products: https://www.tnhomegrown.com

Our Podcast - Full Contact Cannabis: https://fullcontactcannabis.podbean.com

The Wife's web site: https://www.theoldhempfarmerswife.com

[yhwhrulz]

Today's Daily Encounter Wednesday, April 26, 2023

A Giving Heart

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.1

"From a very young age Konrad Reuland had exceptional energy, so his family chose to harness that energy by enrolling him in youth sport leagues. At age 11, Konrad had an experience that changed his life forever. Hall of Famer Rod Carew visited his school to meet and encourage the children. The Los Angeles infield had been Rookie of the Year in 1967 and an All-Star for 18 consecutive seasons. He was 1977 American League MVP and the winner of seven batting titles. He was a legend in the LA area.

Konrad met him personally. His mom remembers that the encounter was all Konrad could talk about when she picked him up from school that day:

And I remember him getting into the car when I went to pick him up, and he said, 'Mommy! Mom! Mom! I met Rod Carew today!' And 'You know, he was a pro athlete!' 'You know, I want to be a pro athlete!' And the whole rest of the day just resonated with him talking about his meeting Rod Carew. It sure left an impression on young Konrad.

Later, in college, Konrad played football for two years for Notre Dame and two years at Stanford. He then played for the New York Jets where he caught 11 passes during his first year. He was just beginning to be recognized as a rising star when a knee injury knocked him out of the sport he loved. When he finally recovered, NFL teams were reluctant to take a chance on him, but this didn't stop Konrad from preparing for the shot he was sure would be right around the corner. He was, by all accounts, in the best shape of his life.

One day, while in the gym, Konrad climbed onto a treadmill. He had a headache, and as he began to jog, Konrad felt something click behind his right eye. Paramedics were called and by the time he was admitted to UCLA Medical Center, EMS had diagnosed him with a major aneurysm.

The next day his mother sent him an encouraging message. Konrad replied:" I'm about to kick this thing, with the help of God. He has something big in store for me." That was the last conversation she would have with her son. Shortly after, the aneurysm burst, and Konrad never regained consciousness. On Dec. 12, 2016, Konrad Reuland was declared brain dead at the age of 29.

His mother remembers speaking with a member of the transplant organization: "We would like to meet whoever gets his heart.' 'And whoever gets his heart better deserve it, because it's a good one."'

The recipient, in the providence of God, happened to be Rod Carew, the same MLB hall of famer who had been so instrumental in encouraging young Konrad 18 years earlier. The heart Carew had inspired would now be the heart that saved his life."

Wherever we find ourselves, may we always respond generously to the opportunities that God gives us to help and encourage others. These same folks may be the ones God uses to help us in our time of need as well.

Suggested prayer: Lord, you have been so good to me. Help me never withhold kindness and generosity from those you place in my path. Your plan for my life may be unknown to me at the moment, but every interaction can be used for your glory. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.

Luke 6:38 (NIV).

www.preaching.com

Today's Encounter was written by: Crystal B.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

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When copying or forwarding include the following: "Daily Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes (c) 2005-2023 ACTS International.

[ex-furry]

i can find some amount of solace in the knowledge that my mom isn't in pain anymore. she isn't dealing with sickness every day. she isn't juggling depression with the things her body is putting her through.

a few days before she died, she told two of my aunts that she wanted peace and "to be out of this body." it was one of her rare moments of clarity, a brief second during which her liver failure didn't block her actual thoughts. we figured that, while she could have meant general peace—a break from the constant beeping and the nurses sticking her with random things and the blood pressure cuff squeezing her arm every fifteen minutes—there was an understanding among all of us that it went deeper than that. she knew that none of this was going to stop, even if the link that they made to fix her bowel had healed and her liver had started to function a bit more. it would have been months of recovery, just like it was before. she didn't want to go through that again.

there was a fairly long period between her liver transplant in 2013 and her second run-in with cirrhosis where she was able to live a normal life. she could think clearly, work in a field she cared deeply about, advocate for organ donation, and go anywhere she wanted. she was even able to go on our trip to california in 2016, which involved a lot of walking. after her knee replacement in 2019 and the subsequent heart failure she experienced, though, things began to get more difficult again. she had to quit her job because she was falling asleep at the office. covid certainly didn't help with her health, but she was still able to paint in 2020, which became a hobby of hers. she stopped being able to paint as much sometime last year.

it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly when it got really difficult again. i tried to push my knowledge of her illness away. i wanted to fix it by ignoring it. i thought i could do it. it got too bad to ignore after i graduated college in may of this year. her emotions were constantly changing; she'd snap at me in the morning for not doing something she told me to do, but she'd apologize that night. this cycle repeated many, many times. i know she didn't mean any of it now. i hate that it took this for me to realize that.

she was also confused more regularly. her sleep schedule was horrible. i would sometimes wake up and go to the bathroom at 4am and she'd be wide awake, my dad asleep and snoring loudly next to her. they argued a lot more, too. when she was clearheaded, it was obvious that she loved him more than anyone else. when she wasn't, though, she would get irritated when he would tell her that she had to take her medication, she had to get up and use her left knee so it could get better. when we were at the hospital just two weeks ago, this was still the case. it had gotten worse, actually, because she was so out of it. my dad said that he'd learned to not take it personally. he's not lying. he has always loved her so much. he always will.

my mom also told my aunts that she just wanted her kids to be okay. she didn't want us to be upset. i don't think i'll ever be able to fulfill that second wish for her. i'm trying my hardest to make the first one come true, though, as much as i can.

i would take having her here with me over everything else, but i'm glad that she's at peace now. she never deserved to have to go through nine years of bouncing between doctors just to end up in the same situation she was in at the beginning. i'm glad we got that extra nine years, though. i'm glad she was able to advocate for others, see me and my brother grow up, and experience life after her liver transplant. i couldn't be more grateful for that time, even if i wish that we could have had more.

[scorsoneamelia]

Can you write something in which link gives an organ to scout?

okay i wanna give a quick shoutout to @amelinkendgame for helping me come up with ideas because i was stuck on this one for a bit!! <3333 thank yall for your patience i hope this one isn’t disappointing!!

sorry if theres an typos lol

          Lately, Scout hasn’t been feeling good, saying he was always sleepy or that his “tummy was hurting and he felt sick”. At first, both Amelia and Link assumed it was just the flu or maybe even just an upset stomach. It wasn’t until they noticed slight swelling around their son’s hands and ankles, which raised more and more redflags and being the anxious parents they are, they had brought him to hospital just to be safe. 

           After many tests, mostly being blood and urine tests they came across the problem, and it wasn’t just a simple flu or an upset stomach. The news made Amelia’s heart drop into her stomach and Link’s hand let go of hers to run to his sons side. 

           “Kidney failure? What? --- How?” Scout was healthy, he was always healthy, she always made sure he was feeling one hundred percent because she was always so anxious about what would happen to him. “Is there a cause?”

          Hayes, the peds doctor was looking through Scout’s chart at all of the tests he had run. “I will run plenty of tests to find out the main cause for this, but in the meantime, you’re going to have to discuss a plan. If you want to do a transplant, we need to find a matching donor.”

          Of course Scout would be okay with one kidney, but that would make Amelia anxious all the time, knowing that he only has one working kidney and that, that one as well could fail randomly when nobody was expecting it. Both of hers and Link’s eyes met, while Scout was distracted with one of his toys he brought with himself. “Test us.” Link stated, glancing back over at Hayes. “Maybe one of us is a match.” There was hope in his voice, his eyes, too. 

          “Okay,” Hayes nodded. “Make yourselves comfortable, I’ll be back.” 

           The second the doctor left, closing the curtain shut to give the family company, Amelia was walking up to Link, wrapping an arm around his waist and giving his tall body a side hug. “He’s going to be okay, right?” 

            Link’s arms were wrapping around Amelia’s, pulling her closer into him as if that was even possible before placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. “He’s going to be okay.”

________

            Link was a match and Amelia was not.

            It was good news that at least one of them were able to help with a kidney transplant and they wouldn’t have had to put their son on the donors list. There were many concerns, too many for the two of them to be able to calm their minds and their nerves. Link’s initial concern was that he wouldn’t be able to give his kidney due to his health history, his cancer and all, but they eventually found out that since it’s been over three years since his last cancer treatment he was perfectly okay to donate his kidney. The other concern running through Amelia’s mind was that she felt like this was her fault, her son already needed an organ transplant by the age of five and she was blaming herself. Blaming herself for not noticing sooner, blaming herself because it could be a birth defect and she found herself thinking of every possible reason that her baby could be sick, finding reasons to blame herself. 

           Hayes promised he’d figure out the reason why his kidney was failing, saying he’d have to sit down and actually take a look because he didn’t understand it. He told them to take their son home for the night, get a good nights rest and come back in the morning so that they could get started, and hopefully have some answers. 

           Scout was rubbing his eyes on the car ride home, dozing in and out of a light sleep while occasionally letting out a whine, saying “Mommy, I’m tired and I don’t feel good.” So the second they got home, Amelia was taking Scout to his room to put him down for bed. 

           She tucked him into bed, giving him a kiss on his forehead and running her hands through his hair softly. “Goodnight, angel, I love you. Daddy also loves you and you need to get a good sleep because we have a very big day tomorrow.” 

          “Okay, Mommy I love you.” Scout said softly, pulling the blanket up higher to his chin, a smile tugging at his lips. She could see Link in him, so many of the same features and she thought he was beautiful.

           “I’ll be just down the hall if you need me.” She whispered before turning off the lamp next to his bed and exiting the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Link was standing in the hall, beside his door, obviously eavesdropping.

           “Eavesdropping?” She asked, them both making their way down the hall to their bedroom.

           “No, I was just walking by.” She knew he was lying but she dropped it, sitting down on the bed, bringing the blanket up to cover her legs.

           Amelia fell silent and Link noticed, sitting down on the bed as well but sitting directly across from her, pulling her closer to him. “Hey, everything’s going to be okay, I’m a match, everything is going to work out.” 

          “Was this my fault?” She muttered, her eyes glancing down at the bed. “Did something happen in the pregnancy? Is this a birth defect? Am I a bad mom for not noticing that he was getting sick? Was there something I could have done?” Amelia was rambling, something she often did. Link shook his head, grabbing both of her hands in his. 

           “Scout is very happy, you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t beat yourself up and blame yourself up without knowing the facts,” his voice was soothing and soft.

           “The facts are, Scout is loved deeply by both of us and he’s happy and the other fact is that we have a match, and I’m willing to do it. He will be okay, Amelia.” He brushed a stray piece of brown hair away from her face, her hair was soft and her eyes were deep blue and Link always seemed to find himself getting lost in them. 

          “Just breathe, one day at a time,” he chimed, a smile washing over his face. “That’s the saying, right?”

           She leaned forward so that their lips were connecting, both of them trying to get as close as they possibly could and she was practically falling into his lap, her hands resting on his knees for support before she brought one hand up to his jawline. 

           Maybe he was right, Scout was going to be okay. They have a donor, there’s nothing else wrong, everything will work out just as it needs to be. 

          But even though Link calmed her down, and reassured her, that thought, maybe she could’ve noticed sooner will still be sitting in the back of her mind for the rest of the night.

[sunflowersteves]

i don’t hate you || b.b.

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 || Bucky has always hated you, since the day you met but you’ve never been able to hate him back.

𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒕 || “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?”

author’s note || I was supposed to finish this WAY sooner so I could start writing on series/requests but then 5 minutes of tik tok turned into 3 hours… so yeah.. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this angst! Written for @kitkatd7​’s 250 Writing Challenge! Congrats on 250, love!!

warnings || angst, fluff, swearing, smut [18+], minors do not interact, asshole!bucky, physical abuse is mentioned (it’s not explicit but please read with caution)

James Buchanan Barnes hates you. Absolutely loathes you. But you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. But you should. You should hate the ground he walks on from the number of times he’s treated you like utter shit. You should throw him out of the tower for the number of names he’s called you.

But for some reason, you don’t hate the son of the bitch. You don’t hate how he tells everyone he’s ‘going to the gym’ when in fact he goes to a field to pick flowers. You don’t hate how he’ll protect the people he loves even if it gets him captured, tortured, or even killed. You don’t hate how in the morning he makes the whole team a batch of coffee without saying anything. You don’t hate how despite the pure hatred he has towards you, he still calms you down during your nightmares.

As a matter of fact, the only feeling that seems to flutter out of you when he’s around is fervor, warmth, and giddiness. And that drives you fucking insane. How can a man that has only brought you disgusted looks, snappy remarks, and exasperated arguments make you adore him?

And you don’t think you’ll ever be able to answer that question. You have absolutely zero clue why you love somebody who hates you. 

However, the one thing you hate, the one thing that makes your heart fill with animosity and malice are his actions towards you. And you have no idea why! The first day that Fury introduced you to the team, everyone had been the utmost kindest towards you. They had greeted you with beaming smiles and laughter except for him. He looked at you with narrowed eyes and a flattened smile but you never chose to be mean back. Well, unless he made snappy comments or argued with you. Then you gave him hell, which only led more fuel into his weird hatred towards you.

And today was no different, the whole team was eating breakfast and you all had been just talking pleasantly until Bucky came in with a grunt and made a sly comment as the only seat left empty was next to yours. 

Tony rolled his eyes and picked up his orange juice to take a sip. “So what are you gonna do today, kid?” You set your fork down, moving your attention solely onto him.

“I think I’m going to make her a bouquet of her favorite flowers.” The team all smiled and some gave you sympathetic looks. Tony offered to help, knowing much about how you’re feeling on days like these.

Bucky snarked, “For who?” You blinked, shoving around some of the scrambled eggs on your plate with a fork. “My mom.” Bucky laughed while the whole team just fell silent, shocked at Bucky’s belligerent actions. You looked at him with small tears in your eyes. 

“Oh, don’t get teary-eyed on me. That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. A homemade flower bouquet?” You quickly got out of your seat and ran to your room, slamming the door behind you. Bucky was still snickering, not grasping the light of the room until the whole team started to yell at him.

“What the fuck, Bucky?” Nat screamed at him. He looked at everyone confused by their disappointment. “What? It’s lame to-” This time Steve snapped. Normally, Steve would just sling his head down in disappointment at his best friend’s assery but today was different. Today was the one day that you didn’t deserve any shit thrown at you.

“It’s the anniversary of her mom’s death! It was real mature of you to just shove it into her face that making a bouquet for her mom’s tombstone is ‘lame’ and what did you say? Oh yeah. ‘The stupidest shit I’ve heard.’” A fuming Steve shoved his chair back and aggressively stomped out of the room, mumbling curse words at his best friend.

Bucky just cringed the whole time. He did not know it your mom’s anniversary of her death. Hell, he didn’t even know your mom was dead but he never paid any attention. God, he was so selfish. Bucky’s stomach dropped as he watched Steve softly knock on your door for comfort. He knows that should be him instead. He wants that to be him instead. But Bucky’s an asshole. He shoves away the people he loves. He convinces himself that it’s better that way but now, he’s hurt someone he loves by driving them away.

Bucky apologizes to the team and rushes towards your bedroom. Steve had clearly already left by the silence that suffocated the air. He softly knocks on your door. “Who is it?” “It’s me.” You don’t answer nor do you move. Bucky sighs. He doesn’t blame you. He’s an ass. “I’m not here to yell I just… I want to apologize.”

You slowly crack open the door, letting him in. You were sitting down on the ground, tears staining your cheeks. His gut twisted with guilt and sadness. He sat down on the ground next to you, watching your every move. “I just.. I want to say I’m sorry. I had no idea it was the anniversary of your mom’s death.” You nodded and sighed. “I know I can’t say sorry to make anything better but… what if I help you with the arrangement?” Your eyes lit up and Bucky smiled. You blinked, never seeing this side of him. Maybe you should have death anniversaries more often.

Bucky took you out of the tower to as many floral shops as you wanted to go to, picking out her favorites like calla lilies, alstroemerias, begonias, dahlias, and morning glories. You then both went to her grave and sat there while reminiscing of the good stories with your mom. You laughed and cried and Bucky did as well. You talking about your mom made him miss his.

Honestly, you could get used to this. Bucky had been the kindest you had ever seen. His eyes lit up at your laughter and his cheeks blushed as you held his hand and squeezed it. 

After getting back to the tower, the two of you went ahead and relaxed for the evening. Sitting on the couch in your room, Bucky turned the TV on and you two started to watch a movie. “Hey, Buck?” He hummed, waiting a moment for his eyes flicked towards you. “Why do you hate me?” He rapidly shook his head. “I-I… I don’t hate you, y/n. I never have.” You blinked at his words. Never?

“Then why have you been acting that way?” He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. Even though the day had ended up being one of his favorites, he was starting to not like where this conversation was going. “With all of the things that I’ve done with Hydra and being the Winter Soldier, I thought that pushing you away was the best option.”

“What? How the fuck is that pushing me away? Not talking to me is pushing away. Insulting me and arguing with me at every chance is just hatred.” Bucky’s eyes snapped towards yours, his nostrils flared 

“You know what? This is why I acted that way.” You looked at him with fire in your eyes, igniting that well-known feeling you get with Bucky. “Acted what way?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “You have everything just handed to you. You have no idea what it’s like to suffer!” Your head snaps up and you look at Bucky like he’s got three heads. “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?” You put your head in your hands. How the fuck can this prick say that to you? Sure, you haven’t been through anything that he has with Hydra but he hasn’t been in your shoes either. 

“You think I haven’t dealt with pain? That’s absolutely ridiculous, Bucky. Just because you have suffered from something greater doesn’t mean I haven’t suffered at all.” Bucky grossed his arms and huffed, knowing you were right. “My mom couldn’t do anything about my dad beating me because her kidneys were failing. After having type one diabetes for 45 years and having a kid, her organs started to fail.” Bucky’s facade faltered as you continued. He had no idea you went through that. His fiery eyes died down to sullen ones as he listened. “I would visit her when she’d go through hours worth of dialysis and the doctors would ask if I was okay from the bruises.” 

Tears started to fall freely from your eyes. “When her kidneys started to fail again during dialysis they knew this was her last run and she couldn’t qualify for a kidney transplant. Her last vision of her six-year-old daughter was me sobbing as I had a huge black eye covering my face.” You suddenly got furious, an accusing finger pointed straight at Bucky. “My so-called dad then sold me to a crime boss at the city of K’un-L’un. Even though the crime boss treated me as his own and was quite gentle, don’t tell me that I don’t feel any pain. I mean shit Bucky, did you just think I had nightmares, just ‘cause?”

Bucky sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I’m such an ass. I..I- As I said, I kept telling myself this was the right way so I could push you away. I will never be able to truly show you just how sorry I am. I think that I’m so fucking sick of myself that I take all of that anger and put it on you. I’m so sorry.” He paused, watching your anger die down a little. “the truth is… I’m unbelievably in love with you.” Your head snapped up and your eyes darted around to find a single lie forming on his face or to tell you that this is a joke. “Ever since I laid eyes on you I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. You’re funny, you’re kind, you protect those you love. How could I not fall in love with you?” Wait, he didn’t hate you?

Your heart was beating a thousand miles and he nervously continued. “I thought that by pushing you away that I could save you. I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t want my past life of the winter soldier to ever affect you. I could have hurt you but I can see now that I’ve already done that.” He looks at you with a saddened expression, regret filled his stomach. He should’ve just talked to you. But he didn’t. He just wished things were different. 

What he didn’t expect though was to have your lips on his, nipping and moving against one another. Bucky was too shocked at first, appreciating that feeling of your lips on his. Once he regained his thoughts, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, bodies pressed against one another. The room felt hotter each second as you gripped his head firmly, pulling at his hair as Bucky just moaned. His tongue touched yours, swift and electric, then harder and more determined, more passioned as your lips savored each other. 

Bucky quickly took off your shirt, leaving peppered kisses all over your neck and messaging your breasts. He then took off his shirt as you pulled down your pants, reconnecting in the middle. His lips caressed your neck and hissed as he bit down on your sensitive skin. “Fuck.” He whispers, reaching his hand up to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers making your already sensitive skin, ache and cry. You moan his sweet name, wanting more and more from this man.

“Bucky, please.” He chuckles at your eagerness and he quickly takes off your panties. “Shit, doll, you’re already that wet for me?” You nod, biting your lip He instantly takes off his pants and boxers and wastes no time in lining himself up and pushing into you until his hips are flushed into yours. He rocked back and forth savoring the rich pleasures of your voice, whining and gasping from your bodies colliding to one. 

“Fuck, you’re so good. So good to me, doll.” All you could do was moan back, too enchanted to talk. You start to buck your hips as he pushes into you faster and faster. “Fuck, y/n. I love you. Shit.” Bucky gets sloppier and sloppier as your gasps and moans turn louder and harder. You yell his name, screaming into the air as he rides you out, pushing in and out until he soon receives his own high. You both take a minute to breathe and calm down from the best possible sex you’ve ever had.

After the two of you clean yourselves up, Bucky lays in bed with you—snuggled up against your side and wrapping an arm around you. You look at him with glistening eyes and start tracing down his jaw. “I don’t want this night to end.” He looks at you, sorrow filling those blue eyes. “I don’t either. How about we just think about reality tomorrow, okay? Enjoy our moment now.” You nod and rest your head on his chest, listening to his slowed heartbeat. 

You close your eyes and intertwine your hand with his on his torso, letting sleep take you over.

--

Your eyes started to flutter open at the sensation of Bucky’s fingers tracing the outlines of your body. You both stare at each other for a little while, savoring the moment you two had. However, you knew that it would soon be broken. Life and reality aren’t that easy.

You sit up, covered draped around your naked body. Bucky looks at you like he knows what’s coming. Which, by the way he’s treated you, should’ve guessed by the start.

“Look, I don’t regret what we did last night and we both know it was a huge spur of the moment.” You paused, watching as Bucky’s stature fell a little. “I know now that you have feelings for me as I do for you but Bucky you’ve treated me like shit since I got here. I thought you spat the ground I walked on, despised my whole entire existence.” Bucky cringed at your words but he knew you were right. The two of you can’t jump headfirst into a relationship after the shit he’s pulled. 

“I thought that maybe we could, you know be in a relationship, but right now, that pain is stronger than my love for you.” Bucky’s heart broke in two at your words. Of course you would be affected by him pushing you away and making him think you hate him with nasty comments and looks. But he knows that there’s still a tiny sliver of hope.

Bucky nods in agreement and smiles lightly. “I’ll wait for you. However long it takes, however long you need to heal from the damage I have caused, I will wait.” He looks over at you and grasps one of your hands. “Do not rush thinking that I will be long gone by the time you’re healed. I’m not going anywhere. And even if you choose not to be with me, don’t think for a second I won’t respect your decision.” You smiled and squeezed his fingers.

This was good. Not a fresh start but the possibility of a second chance. And if Bucky was given that opportunity when you healed, he wasn’t going to fuck this one up. Not anymore. 

[glassesandkim]

ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash. 

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies. 

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage. 

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house? 

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children. 

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child. 

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???) 

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS. 

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people. 

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!

[bondsmagii]

when i was maybe... 14 or 15, at my first high school, one day i had this horrible, horrible feeling that something was wrong. i went to the nurse saying i was having a panic attack, thats how severe it was, but half of me was completely calm and collected and just KNEW something was horribly wrong. it felt like... when youre positive that someone is keeping something heartbreaking from you. so the nurse called my mom to pick me up because i REFUSED to go back to class, and when my mom picked me up i told her about the feeling, and she was silent until we got home. when we got home she sat me down in my room and hugged me and told me that her mom, my grandma, who we were both the closest to, had passed away in her sleep that morning. i hadnt seen my mom at all that day, she was sleeping as usual when i left for school, so theres no way i picked up that something was off from her behavior. i hadnt felt that way since, until april 4th this year. just a few days ago, i got the same exact feeling, and i wrote about it in my diary. i have my diary in front of me, i wrote the words 'i feel like something big is going to happen soon but i dont know what. i dont think itll be a good thing. something just feels off. the last time i felt this way was the day grandma died.' and then i found out that that day my mom had taken my brother to the hospital in secret, saying they were running errands. i didnt talk to my mom all day that day, so i couldnt have picked anything up from her behavior, because she was out of the house with my brother by the time i woke up, which isnt unusual, my brother prefers to shop in the morning when there arent many people about. but back to the main thing: just today my mom finally told me that my brother has extremely severe organ damage, and if he doesnt drastically change his life immediately, he will either die or need a transplant. so yeah. twice in my life ive just Known.

I’ve heard of this happening a lot, and it really does make me wonder on what levels we’re all linked on that we have no idea about. there has to be some kind of connection, because I’ve seen things like this reported so many times. I’ve just Known every time something like this has happened, as has my mother. I have a distinct memory of the morning my great-grandmother died -- while she was sick it wasn’t expected that she would die imminently, but I remember getting dressed that morning and thinking that my limbs felt so heavy, and I felt so unsettled. I caught sight of my mam in the hallway and she also looked very strange, distant and almost jumpy, and we caught one another’s eye and realised we both Knew. ten minutes later I heard my parents talking in their room (this great-grandmother was my father’s grandmother) and my mam was saying gently to my dad, “you know it’s going to be today, right?”. we got the call an hour later.

I’m kind of the unofficial bearer of bad news in that respect: I just Know, and several times people have been too scared to look at me or ask. apparently I have a certain way of looking at a phone when it’s ringing with bad news, so every time I give it The Look, anyone who knows will be looking at me with dread on their face. it would probably be a little depressing if I was more bothered by such things, but I don’t know. I kind of like being the buffer; giving people a bit of a warning. it’s also very easy to break such news to me because I already know, and people don’t have to worry about me being shocked or upset. I’m always very calm, because chances are I’ve known for hours. with my mam I cut out the middle man completely -- last time she called to report a death to me, I picked up and just said “so, [name]’s dead, then?”. there’s absolutely something to this, and it’s truly fascinating.

I hope it doesn’t cause you too much distress. it’s a natural part of being connected to people, and we don’t always understand the things that bind us together. I wish the best for your brother. I don’t pretend to know what’s going on, but certain things seem familiar to some of my own life experience, and I wish him the strength he needs to make those changes.

[kemakoshume]

daisy and dove :)

for this ask game ~ [these answers are both kinda deep lmao. tw for discussions about chronic illness, surgery, and death of a family member] ~

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free

i don't think i've mentioned it on here but i do have a disability (chronic illness) that lead to so many hospitalizations and surgeries and shit i can't even count anymore. i found out at 12 but didn't get really sick until i was 17. but when i did, it was actually pretty manageable until i had been on treatments for about two years (i still got a make-a-wish trip though so shoutout chronic illness for that). when things did get bad though, i was a miserable mess and felt trapped in a broken body. i used to pray that i could just be reborn again and start off fresh in someone else's skin. but obviously that aint happening lmao. when i got an organ transplant and woke up from surgery, and the brain fog was gone, and i felt like my body was clean on the inside for the first time in a long time... that's when i felt really free. like the only possible way things could go was up.

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

yes actually. i think i'd describe it as more spiritual than paranormal or magical but after my mom passed away a few years ago she would visit me in dreams. like, i could tell when i was making her up in my head versus actually seeing her. sometimes she would be in my dreams just kinda spectating and eventually i would notice her, and she wouldn't ever talk to me until i started to get more lucid and would ask her something or process the fact that she wasn't really there, yunno? my last dream she came to visit in was maybe... two years ago, and she made me my favorite foods she would cook and we sat in my grandmother's house & talked and she told me that she was okay, and that i didn't need to worry about her, and that i needed to live my life and be okay without her for now. so, yeah lmao. relating back to my last Q i answered, this experience with my mom and getting a little more time with her in dreams is why im not like... a hardcore atheist. there's more to life and our brains and spiritual shit than i think we're humanly capable of fully understanding.